#sorry for the kind of sad post

[vault-heck]

I'm convinced this is a very normal part of being a writer but like, the past few days, every time I open a WIP I feel so incredibly apathetic about it all. It's not even a hatred or insecurity about things I've written up until this point, even though I know the areas that need improvement.

No, it's just this blank and empty feeling that I recognize as The Thing That Kept Me From Continuing To Make Music. And I really don't want it to take fiction from me, too.

[camilleflyingrotten]

[br-disaster]

Nie Mingjue's Fatal Journey crying scenes appreciation post

There's no way I wouldn't make this post, but it ended up way longer than I intended.

Fighting with Huaisang

When is this man not tearing up?

This fight is so important for Huaisang's character development and the movie's themes, with Huaisang being ready to challenge and question the Nie ways and Mingjue doing his best to uphold those traditions and keep the peace through the only way he knows how.

But it's still hard to be challenged like this and to face the possibility that everything you've ever known might not be right, actually.

And this gif specifically is from the moment Huaisang questions if Mingjue even knows what they're there to fight and what this supposed great evil that will come to Qinghe if they fail to balance their blades even is. Mingjue has no answer, of course, I suppose he was only taught this and never had reason to question it.

But Huaisang is also talking about the disciples they already 'lost' at this point of the movie, and he says something along the lines of " You don't know anything, you only know how to bring them here to die" and that does it. Because it's both "you can't follow these rules blindly when they rely on sacrificing people" and "you've changed and I don't trust your judgement on these matters anymore".

And as he says it, Mingjue looks at their disciples and he sees the puppets for a moment. And Huaisang just questioned if the other disciples were really attacked by puppets.

So that's a big moment and Huaisang is right, of course, but he doesn't have a confirmation that this is the result of Mingjue's health deterioration yet, so he keeps pushing. And Mingjue doesn't really have a counter argument because he knows what's going on with him, but it must be very scary to hear it from the person you care about the most and realize just how much you're being affected.

(Actually, Mingjue has one counter argument and that is "Well, I am at least trying to do something while you're painting and living a carefree life", and he's not wrong either. Huaisang is right and rightfully harsh, but this is the first time he's being confronted with these difficult choices and all their family history. He can reflect on and question it, but his brother has been meking those hard decisions since he was 14, when did he ever had a break to question and change things?)

Which leads us to

The Talk

After seeing his brother sacrifice himself for him at the bridge, and then seeing Mingjue be so vulnerable and lost, that anger from their fight is gone. They can meet in the middle with "You are right, I wasn't thinking straight, this is not a long term solution and I've failed at changing our ways" and "It's not your fault, you did everything you could but you're not responsible for this situation" and it's very beautiful and heartbreaking.

Mingjue is so remorseful, both because he has condemned Huaisang to die with him and because he feels like he failed everyone and everything (even if he doesn't seem to know what he could have done differently to avoid all this).

And Huaisang's reaction in this scene is so calm it made me think this Huaisang is somewhat used to his brother displaying vulnerability around him. This isn't book NMJ with all his victories, this isn't a man who never let the Unclean Realm be conquered and who could afford to keep Huaisang far away from the war. This is a man who was attacked and subdued in his own home, who had to send Huaisang to the hands of the people who killed their father.

This Huaisang doesn't have reasons to see Mingjue as this unmovable force, he has seen Mingjue hurt and threatened and fearful; and he's now seeing him remorseful and defeated.

(I'm sure Mingjue telling Huaisang about the fact that he's dying and admiting his mistakes and insecurities is something new, especially considering their previous fight, but this Huaisang doesn't take it as a shock, because he knows his brother is only human and there's only so much he can handle. He even, like, explicitly says this)

And so he assumes this calm, reassuring and empathetic posture, because that's what his brother is asking for. And it's the most beautiful thing, Huaisang has so much love for him, so much empathy. And this is Mingjue's reaction to his brother's reassurance that it's okay if they have to die there:

I'm sure Huaisang is still processing Mingjue's "I only forced you to practice because I'll die soon", but he's so good at reassuring his brother.

Because Mingjue just told him "I am dying and I'll go as a failure" and Huaisang insisted "None of this is your fault and you did everything you could and more, and if I have to die here with you today, I don't regret a thing, and you shouldn't either".

There's no despair or anger that his brother is only telling him this now, there's only understanding and acceptance and so much love and they really knew what they were doing with this movie.

His people love him

Mingjue is so moved. He just admitted to Huaisang that he's not in peace with his accomplishments, or lack thereof; that he feels ashamed to face his ancestors, having done so little.

So I truly believe Mingjue doesn't consider himself worthy of this much trust and support. (And I can't ignore how this is tied to the Nightless City situation, where he led the men who trusted him with their lives to a dangerous situation and couldn't save any of them).

As we see in the confrontation at Jinlintai, that technically happens after this movie, that is still a very sensitive topic.

And here he has his loyal disciples saying they will follow him yet again, despite his previous 'failures'; just like Huaisang was ready to die with him. They have so much trust in him, and the way he's nodding a little here, just like he was nodding when Huaisang reminded him of everything he's done for their sect since their father died, is like he's convincing himself of it. That he can do this and he can do this right this time.

And yet

He fails again. And I don't even think he knows it was him who killed those disciples, like some people say. He doesn't need to because it doesn't matter. His men, who followed him till the end of the world, are dead again. And so is the hope he had of doing this one right thing before he dies.

Yes, he supressed the saber spirit like he had to, but they're still dead, all of them.

He falls apart, how could he not?

At some point I'm sure Huaisang his holding all his weight because he just gives up. There's only so much loss one can handle and that's way too much.

And look at the way Huaisang is watching him as he realizes something inside Mingjue shattered forever.

There's so much pain in this scene, it looks physically taxing and I hope people gave Wang Yizhou a break after he shot this. I know it's his job and he's phenomenal at it, but this has to mess with your head a little.

And hey, it's a Huaisang crying scene as well. CQL Huaisang only really cries twice. First he watches his brother have a mental breakdown in his arms after unknowingly killing his own disciples; and then as he watches his brother qi deviate and die, while unable to do anything to either stop or comfort him.

(And a lot of people said there's no hesitation on Huaisang's part when he rushes to his brother's aid when Mingjue is hurt on this post's notes, and that's true for book Huaisang too, because he runs towards Mingjue as he is qi deviating, gets hurt in the process, and still keeps calling for him, which makes CQL's decision to have JGY holding him back kind of cruel, tbh, there's not a Huaisang who would run from a hurting Mingjue regardless of the risks

But at least we have this scene.)

And that's it, I guess. There's nothing uplifting to say about this, really. He just went through a lot and kept shouldering everything until he couldn't anymore. I just wish book NMJ had gotten to receive the same love and comfort and acceptance from NHS before he died, I wish he had been able to tell his brother what was actually happening, but thats kind of the purpose of this movie, so I'm just very grateful that it exists.

It's like that post says, it didn't change anything but the love was there, you know? That's how this movie feels for me.

[charrfie]

[sealpup9]

Ok Inertia came in swinging with a beat that slaps so hard I forgot to duck and was knocked on my ass by the force that is the last two verses.

[meownotgood]

When Aki dies, you find traces of him in your apartment. 

A single dark hair on your pillowcase. A brown ring that's been stained into the white wood of your nightstand from where he set his coffee cup. His book that will forever go half-read, a bright red bookmark sticking out of the center of the pages.

The sheets smell just like him, in a way that makes your heart ache and your stomach churn; they smell like his cigarettes, his laundry soap, the scent of his skin. Your home feels empty without him. Your mattress has a permanent divot from where his body once occupied the space right next to yours. You're starting to forget the sound of his voice, but you can't bring yourself to listen to the last voicemail he left for you.

His toothbrush is in the mug on the counter, it's right next to your own. You'd throw his away, but yours would look lonely without it. You taped a ticket stub from your first date onto the bathroom mirror. He left the iron out from the last time he ironed his suit; it was the last time he wore it, and it was the last time you saw him. If you take a shower, you're sure when you step out you'll be able to see the remnants of a heart he drew for you on the fogged up glass, right before he left for work. You'd have wanted him to write more if you knew he wouldn't be coming back.

There's notes he's left for you on the fridge, hung up with little magnets: reminders of his upcoming work schedule, a recipe he wanted to make for you, I love you, sweetheart arranged in black and white word magnets. For a few brief moments, you ponder whether or not you should throw out you and Aki's leftovers from dinner a few days before. 

Maybe you should toss his old ashtray, too. Or the letters he wrote to you, or the gifts he gave you. Or his spare house key, or his favorite CD, or his hair tie, or his lighter. Or the old Polaroids you took of him and yourself — including the one he always carried with him. In the picture, you're kissing his cheek, and he's giving the only genuine smile you've ever been able to capture. The police went through his wallet and figured you'd want it. 

You suppose you should at least cancel the newspaper subscription. It was his routine to read it. Besides, you'd rather not see Aki Hayakawa among the obituaries, you have no interest in reading the headline about the horrific Gun Devil attack. You could go without newspapers for the rest of your life. You never really liked reading them, anyways.

When you've finally gathered the energy, you'll head to the funeral home to pick up his ashes. You'll travel to Hokkaido, you'll leave them in a shiny urn right beside his family's tombstone, just as he always wanted. Just as you promised you would do for him when it was his time. You promised him a lot of things. You promised you would keep living, for his sake. You promised you'd love him even after he's gone.

Perhaps then, after you've turned around and left him there, after you've said your goodbyes and returned to step inside a cold, empty home, you'll finally have the courage to throw out his belongings.

[prisonpodcast]

Now that #those people have moved on from the fandom can I just say that I’ve always felt like a lot of people (like the majority) of people who considered themselves loreheads never actually liked the lore. Like maybe the reason you kept complaining about every stream being “out of character” is bc you don’t actually like the canon characters, you liked the versions of them you created in your own head 😭

Like it was always “fanfic is always so much better than canon” “the ccs don’t know what they’re doing” and ofc the obligatory post about how lore is objectively really bad actually and people only watch bc they like the ccs bc OF COURSE we need to be catering to antis — and all this FROM SELF PROCLAIMED LORE FANS LIKE ??? I always just kinda felt like I was the only one who was here bc I actually liked the lore lol.

[tangledinink]

i dont think i really wanna do anything anymore is the thing.

[beanghostprincess]

what type of op sibling issues do you have?

the: "depressed older sibling who still manages to look after the younger one despite thinking of themselves as unlovable and is thankful for their sibling's love because they were each other's only support for a long time / younger sibling that feels guilty for all the burden the other had to carry and blames themselves for everything and ended up being too mature at a young age" ace and luffy type?

or the: "caring but emotionless distant older sibling under an abusive household that did what they could do to protect the younger one but it was never enough out of fear of being targeted too / younger sibling that holds grudges against family and understands that the other tried their best but it was never enough and chose to only save them whenever it was safe for them and wants to run away from the family line" reiju and sanji type?

[poppyseed799]

JOEL GOT A WITHER ROSE!!! THE FLORIST HAS A WITHER ROSE!!!

I can’t type any cohesive thoughts sowwy

But can we talk about how obvious it is when something is on Joel’s mind, first it was rapunzel/tangled and now in ep6 of secret life his answer for the bonding question was gardening and his idea for a Cool Name was the florist. Like okay I wonder what you’re thinking about today.

[neurovamp]

arthur morgan / dog poetry

+bonus john

[aquanutart]

When she was a little Kiko, Lulu loved to put on ribbons and appear before the world to show her precious Slorg! Sadly her owner was such a recluse that nobody noticed much, and over the years she forgot performing for others...

Until recently she found all the ribbons she saved over the years and wanted to have fun again!

(She didn't know which ribbon to wear, so she is wearing them all!)

(Lulu won a trophy!!! She is absolutely delighted and is using it to store her ribbons!)

[wildstar25]

G'raha looked so serious while he pleaded his case to venture into the World of Darkness with the Warrior of Light. The sudden conviction in his tone had Arsay at a loss for words. Still, she did not hesitate to meet his request with an accepting nod. He was an important friend and in the passing moons that they'd come to know each other, a strong fondness for him had taken hold of her. The prospect of helping G'raha find the truth behind his mysterious inheritance made Arsay's heart pound. It was the perfect venture for them to embark on. The first of many, she hoped. The two turned towards the impossibly tall spire that dared to pierce the heavens above. Arsay's resolve strengthened in its presence. When they next find themselves gazing at the tower -with their quest completed and the world no longer under threat of total destruction- she'll properly ask G'raha to be a companion in her travels. A grin crept its way onto her face as her gaze shifted to him. If Arsay could find it within herself to bare her heart to others so readily just as he does… perhaps their future adventures will find them together, hand in hand.

[darkacademiaarchivist]

some boygenius and Phoebe Bridgers lyrical parallels that make me go insane

letter to an old poet / cool about it

chinese satellite / Emily I'm Sorry

Smoke Signals / Emily I'm Sorry

[suffarustuffaru]

hello everyone i made a quick summary of main route ottosuba. hope this helps.

[dceuheadcanons]

Things mentally "Wrong"™️ with the current main batfamily members

Bruce - Autism, OSDD-1B, BPD, NPD, AVPD, C-PTSD, MDD, and OCD. Suffers from heavy suicidal ideation, self-harms, and has addictions to things too, but he's very good at hiding his issues.

Dick - Autism, ADHD, BPD, PTSD, MDD. Also HPD let's be honest here. He's very prone to allowing people to manipulate him, he NEEDS the attention.

Jason - Autism, NPD with BPD traits, C-PTSD. Self-harmed as a child (cuts), and still does as an adult (burns).

Tim - Autism, ADHD, BPD and HPD. He's practically the HPD poster boy guys come on. Girls that get it, get it. Girls that don't, don't.

Cass - Autism, AVPD with heavy ASPD traits.

Steph - ADHD, autism and HPD.

Damian - He's literally like 10-15 in my version of things so he can't actually be diagnosed with personality disorders yet. But he's autistic as FUCK. When he grows up he probably has AVPD and NPD though.

Duke - AVPD probably. Also autism obviously.

Alfred - Autism. He's an autism dad quite literally. I love him.