#spaces on the spectrum

[grison-in-space]

When Adriana arrived at the holiday party with her mother, she waved meekly and introduced herself, “I’m the autistic one.” She wore winged eyeliner, bright red lipstick, black high heels, and a knitted sweater that depicted two penguins kissing. Her mother, Ingrid, set down a small lemon tart from Trader Joe’s and made a beeline for the lumpy chaise lounge in the back of the living room; she was, in that rare moment, painfully not autistic. Ingrid kept to herself and did not engage with the other guests, most of whom were autistic and members of the Autistic Self Advocacy Network. Like a bored mother waiting at the playground, she quietly tinkered on her phone for the full duration of the party. Adriana, however, was wide-eyed and in awe. It was apparent that she seldom socialized with other autistic people. Adriana entered a festive scene at Ash’s apartment. Some were playing a game of Apples to Apples around the coffee table, which was adorned with a bright red runner. A fat black cat lumbered around the crowded room. In the kitchen, there was an assortment of eclectic snacks, including a frozen gluten-free cheese-free cheesecake, a plastic container of thick brown purée, a pre-opened box of chocolate donut balls, a blue tin of Danish butter cookies, and cranberry Sierra Mist. In the invitation, Ash had encouraged attendees to accommodate special dietary needs—and to avoid scented products to respect others’ sensitivities. Adriana hinged her arms close to her body and her limp hands rhythmically flapped as she bounced in place (this is stereotypy, “repetition, rigidity, and invariance” behaviors common among autistic people).1 Although she had introduced herself as the ��autistic one” upon her arrival, she was “astounded” that the other guests recognized her autistic traits intuitively. Perhaps she thought she was hiding it well, or perhaps she did not know how autism usually presents. She asked a guest, Rachel, how she knew. Rachel said that some autistic people have a particular way of speaking that sounds similar to a Scandinavian accent. Others identified subtle characteristics, like body language and prosopagnosia (also known as “face blindness”). These were delicate signs that they had learned to identify from being around autistic others. Adriana was giddy. She could not get enough, and she incessantly demanded further explanation from the guests—how could they tell? How did they know? Rachel got annoyed with Adriana’s repetitive questions and defensively snapped back: What was wrong with appearing autistic? Was it such a bad thing? She told Adriana that these concerns about appearing autistic stemmed from a narrow definition of normal. Agreeing with Rachel, the others assured her that it is not a bad thing to appear or to be autistic. Adriana said she had a hard time maintaining friendships and that her mother said she made people “miserable.” Suddenly, all eyes turned back to Ingrid. She looked up from her paper plate of lemon tart crumbs, frozen with embarrassment. Adriana said people thought she was weird and that her family did not like her bouncing and hand flapping. Ash commiserated: their therapists used to tell them to suppress those movements and have “quiet hands.” This hit a nerve. The group expressed their collective disapproval of behavioral therapy. Again, Adriana kept insisting: How could they tell? How did they know? Having cooled off, Rachel told her that people have a natural ability to identify others who share their “culture”—and Adriana clearly shared their culture.

Spaces on the spectrum: How autism movements resist experts and create knowledge, Catherine Tan. 2024.

This is a really interesting book in that its project lies in comparing and contrasting autism rights movement groups like @autisticadvocacy with fringe paramedical cure-oriented groups like the vaccine skeptics RFK has so aggressively allied himself. Tan is not autistic and came to the paired movements as an outsider, but has clearly done the work to understand both communities and has pretty much the same take I do.

But that's not why I wanted to excerpt this bit. I wanted to excerpt it because the whole scene is so comfortably familiar to me: well-meaning but ignorant person who is desperately hoping to find someone else who sees and affirms them finds a group and starts seeking association. Long-term community member finds aspects of the new person's habitual mindset offensive and irritating, corrects the rude implication directly... and when the new person is apologetic, explain an alternate way to think that can allow the new person to help let go of the shame driving the obnoxious behavior. It's such important and familiar and comforting work, and it's such an autistic way to handle it: confront the underlying assumption and verbalize it, using directness to bring it into the open where it can be examined and considered on its (dubious) merits. And then, when the idea has been discussed and brought into the open, inviting the new insecure person in: you can belong here, we don't think you're inherently annoying (what the hell), the wrongheaded ideas you have been fed don't define who you are. Your choices defined who you are, and you're welcome here if you choose to come and listen.

(I also find the sudden judgemental attention on the mother to be absolutely hilarious. What's good for the goose must be good for the gander, after all, and many people respond to autistic people by helpfully informing them of every perceived faux pas. Since these assessments conflict even among neurotypicals, this well-meaning "advice" and interest often creates exactly the kind of frustrated shame that Adriana is expressing.)

This is the kind of space I grew up in, the kind of space that shaped the adult I am today. I am so grateful to every adult who has helped to make a space like it, and I wanted to pick up its pressed blossom and share it so other people could reminisce or examine the context too.

[enbyhyena]

Hey, wait! Please stop scrolling for a sec!

Please bear with me and read to the end! I promise it'll be worth it.

My name is Nexys, and I am queer and disabled. For years I have been striving to create the most tight-knit safe space (that's ACTUALLY safe) on the internet, using content creation as common ground. And we're really starting to take off!

But I need your help. Please reblog this post so that I may meet new people and make new friends! My community has been lifechanging, both to myself and to the people within it. I really feel like my Twitch, YouTube, and Discord communities have been making a difference in the lives of some of the most disadvantaged and marginalized people in the LGBT and neurodiverse communities.

We often play games like Minecraft, Stardew Valley, Harvest Moon, and Pokémon, with the occasional challenges and other genres thrown in. Sometimes we even invite our chat to play the games with us! So if this sounds like the sort of community you'd be interested in, please join our Discord Server so you don't miss out!

I'm a small creator, and due to my disabilities cannot hold down a normal 9-5 job, so any support and engagement from you—time or money—is a lifechanging opportunity that could potentially alter the course of my life and the lives of my loved ones. Even just dropping in to say hello would mean the world to me!

But I know time is a precious resource, so if you're too busy to sit in with us but still want to support the cause, for as little as $1/month you can become a Patron or for one-time donations buy me a Ko-fi! And depending on what you choose, there may even be some free artwork and other fun perks in it for you!

Thank you so much for your time! Me and my community really hope to meet you, and we hope that you, dear reader, have a fantastic rest of your day/night! Happy Pride!

❤️🧡💛💚🩵💙💜🩷🤍🩶🖤🤎

[random-colorpicked-pride-flags]

Pride Flags Colorpicked from Nebulas

[supernowa-art]

ONE PIECE BEING FULL OF CANON QUEER ICONS!!!!!!

[melovibes57]

Trying to pressure or convince an acespec person to have sex is not only acephobic but it’s also predatory.

[crystalsandbubbletea]

Aromantics are valid.

Asexuals are valid.

Aroaces are valid.

The world doesn't revolve around relationships, grow the fuck up.

If someone is happy single, then they are fucking happy. No, they aren't "wrong in the head", they are valid.

If you don't agree, stay the hell away from me.

There is a '+' in LGBTQ+ for a reason.

The 'A' is NOT for 'Ally', it is for Aromantic, Asexual, and/or AroAce.

People on the Aromantic spectrum and Asexual spectrum are LGBTQ+.

[rainbowpiss34]

this is stupid but i fully believe book krupp is aromantic and lives happily with a cat

[andr0nap]

two guys sleeping on a cot, zero ft apart bc its cold as fuck and one of them is the resident heater~ 🎶

[boimgfrog]

it's always "autism acceptance" until the autistic person is weird, or fat, or a man, or has poor hygiene, or a POC, or makes unfunny jokes, or isn't a cute feminine gay, or is actually bad at communicating, or needs to have things explained to them, or is too loud, or too quiet, or needs to be told something multiple times to understand it, or has mannerisms that make people stare at them, or, or, or, etc. if you would show patience to the cute autistic girl who collects plushies and stims by flapping her hands then you MUST show equal patience to the large autistic boy who stims by humming or hitting his head and worms underwater welding into every conversation. I am no longer asking. your acceptance cannot begin and end with people you deem palatable.

[lambfromfield]

i get it jayvik should've kissed this and that but this is a win specifically for me, aro, #1 believer in "so devoted that the lines blur"

[raichuu-agere]

Does anyone else get that wave of discomfort that comes over you when you hold back from stimming? Or is that just me?

[rj-orion]

Space

Space is one of my most important special interests; I could talk about the complexities of my feelings towards it for hours and, if you were to let me, I'd probably fall in love with you afterwards. I found all of these images on google, most (if not all) of them are from NASA, so go check out their website for more space photos

[moldsporr]

There are more characters but I couldn't fit them. Want an explanation for some of them ? The answer is I Said So

[nostalgiclittlespace]

Aroace Pride Stimboard (Day 11)

[melovibes57]

Quick reminder:

Purity culture negatively affects asexual people as well.