#stages of grief? more like stages of gay

[ask-circleswithincircles-archive]

Can I give Clasp scritchies

I'm going to give Clasp some scritchies.

Have some scritchies <3

FHC: I would like to request that you all out of my chambers.

FHC: The state I am in is hard to navigate and full of vermin. It is not fit for fragile, soft creatures such as yourselves.

FHC: I don't want foul carcasses hanging off my structure's many parts.

FHC: Go back to your own cities.

FHC: Please?

[eremin0109]

At this point if anyone asks Junmo what he feels about Gicheol, he'll just shoot them in the face and then blow his own brains off.

[carnivalcarriondiscarded]

thinking so so hard about LaughingStock and how that'd go down. disastrously, probably

[mashmouths]

CLOSET HISTORIAN LITTLE GREEN STREAK IN THE FRONT

[theinfinitedivides]

hey is it just me or does SRK turn every speech he gives in a film into either 1. a love confession, 2. a motivational message or 3. the most devastating/terrifying news you've ever heard come out of his mouth at any given time

[buddierecs]

eddie diaz centric buddie fics

all explicit rating - 18+ only!!!!!! make sure to kudos/comment on these amazing works :)

eddie, enraged and envious by: songbvrd "eddie goes through the stages of grief watching buck and tommy together and gets progressively more unhinged as his jealousy builds." word count: 23k important tags: idiots to lovers, jealous!eddie diaz, possessive!eddie diaz, slow burn, mild smut, panic attacks, feelings realisation, pining would you know him in the dark? by: desertpersephone "eddie is injured on a call and left blinded. buck immediately volunteers to move into the diaz house and help eddie out. surely this will be a normal few weeks and eddie's heightened senses will reveal nothing about how intertwined he and buck are, right" word count: 22k important tags: injury recovery, feelings realisation, repressed!eddie diaz, mutual pining, porn with feelings, blow job, oral fixation, hand jobs would you lie with me and just forget the world by: colonscopys "eddie diaz is 7, and 13, and 14, and 18, and 34. and he loves, and he loves, and he loves, and he loves, and he loves." word count: 45k important tags: TW: suicidal thoughts, childhood friends au, internalised homophobia, catholic guilt, ptsd, depression, therapy, healing, angst there ain't no turning back by: 42hrb "the Buddie healing road trip" word count: 28k important tags: future fics, road trips, getting together, friends to lovers, mutual pining, sharing a bed, oral sex, anal sex eat, praise, love by: brewrosemilk "in which eddie teaches himself to voice his desires without shame." word count: 109k important tags: established relationship, porn with feelings, fluff and smut, domestic fluff, dirty talk, praise kink, rough sex, semi-public sex, impact play, five times eddie diaz used grindr (and the one time he didn't) by: daniwib "eddie diaz likes men. he thinks. this is the story of how he explores his sexuality." word count: 72k important tags: 5+1 things, different first meeting au, gay!eddie diaz, strangers to lovers, friends with benefits, porn with feelings, anal sex, blow jobs eddie diaz vs the feelings by: elvensorceress "eddie dives into the mysteries of attraction, romantic love, and asexuality because there's a good chance he's fallen in love with his best friend." word count: 62k important tags: sexuality crisis, demisexuality, asexuality, idiots in love, fluff, angst, emotional hurt/comfort, soft!buddie, slow burn, anal sex, frottage still waters by: milenadaniels "five ways eddie's body feels different after the shooting" word count: 7k important tags: post shooting arc, injury recovery, getting together, first time, blow jobs, hand jobs what if i can't have us by: woodchoc_magnum "in which eddie is dating marisol; buck's dating tommy, and eddie has feelings about that, which he simply does. not. understand." word count: 47k important tags: pre-relationship, mutual pining, emotional infidelity, team as family, protective!eddie diaz, eventual smut, demisexual!eddie diaz, jealously caught up in your curls by: smilingbuckley "after having been in el paso for awhile, taking care of his abuela, eddie can finally go home to los angeles. he fully expected his son to have changed over the past few weeks because he's a teenager, they change every day. what he didn't prepare for was buck, who suddenly has grown out his curls. curls eddie has a weakness for. it causes for some... interesting situations, until eddie reaches his breaking point." word count: 6.1k important tags: horny!eddie diaz, getting together, hair kink, soft!buddie, first time, blow jobs, anal sex, pining waiting all night by: thescarletaria "eddie has a sex dream about buck and it triggers a whole avalanche of emotions he wasn't prepared for." word count: 19k important tags: sex dreams, feelings realisation, sexual tension, hand jobs, blow jobs, anal sex, soft!buddie, getting together, making out the mouth is the thing that craves by: underhung_aura "eddie loves buck and he really loves buck's cock" word count: 11k important tags: porn with feelings, established relationship, blow jobs, cock slut!eddie diaz, cock warming, soft!buddie

[shima-draws]

Okay so a few things about the ending to the DLC. Spoilers below obviously

-Really REALLY disappointed they didn’t go with the whole toxic possession arc thing with Kieran and the new mythical (Pecharunt?) TO BE FAIR that was more of a fan theory than anything but it was one that made a lot of sense and had a lot of evidence to back it up. I guess I got too attached to the idea and was inevitably let down when the game didn’t go in that direction. Still it would have made more sense to give that extra edge as to why Kieran’s treating everyone so awfully,, and having him finally break free of that control during the final fight VS Terapagos would have been SO sick. Either that or before we even get to Terapagos Carmine calls Kieran out and that’s when he finally fucking explodes and rages and vents about his inferiority complex—and THAT is what summons Pecharunt, those negative feelings that it probably feeds off of or smth idk. Then we’d get a split second of Kieran finally being back in control and begging for help. And then Carmine realizing her brother has been under the influence of this Pokemon the entire time and. Okay I’m getting off track into AU territory now lmao sorry moving on

-Switching back to the Terapagos fight, I really enjoyed it! It wasn’t too long of a fight to be drawn out, but it was just long enough that it didn’t feel anticlimactic (also the MUSIC? STELLAR. Pun intended). ALSO ARGHFHH the five stages of grief Kieran goes through in that fight to finally accepting that he’s been going about this the wrong way and has been an awful friend and the way the LIGHT COMES BACK INTO HIS EYES I ALMOST CRIED. This is 10000x more emotional and powerful if you choose to bring Ogerpon with you and fight with her bc that really just. Hammers in the fact that despite all the bad blood and bitterness, Kieran still chooses to fight alongside you and the Pokemon he coveted so much…AND he even processes things enough to fully let go of all his hatred and anger and allows you to catch Terapagos because he KNOWS you’ll take good care of it and after all this time he still trusts you even though he’d probably hate to admit it. #GOOD WRITING

-Something really scary I realized. Kieran brought a Master Ball with him to catch Terapagos. 1. Where did homie even get that. 2. The fact that he was READY and didn’t even give Terapagos a chance to react, that he was essentially catching it against its will (which probably led to its power going out of control), that he was enforcing his own twisted desires and beliefs onto it and not considering its feelings (sound familiar? Looks at Ogerpon). BOY. 3. We’ve only ever seen ONE other person use Master Balls in SV. The AI Professor. I don’t know if this is significant in any way but if the Pecharunt theory WAS true that would make them so so similar and that’s eerie to me. Two characters controlled by something greater than them that they can’t fight…can you imagine how INSANE the dynamics would be listen to me

-Another thing I was kinda disappointed about was Briar? I guess I was just picking up on the vibes that she was actually a villain and would try to steal Terapagos from the player, but I probably gave Nintendo too much credit on that one lol. I do like that she’s not inherently evil, she’s just too absorbed and obsessed with her research to really pay attention to what’s going on around her. BUT. They should have pushed that WAY further. Either commit and do the full villain arc where she snatches Terapagos from Kieran right after he catches it to use it for her own purposes, or pressure him into Terastallizing it so much that it makes him uncomfortable. I want to see Lusamine levels of unhinged obsession. What she had was just a little bit too excited about Area Zero, not a full blown unhealthy and dangerous thing that puts everyone around her in danger.

-Following up on that. Drayton. I kept expecting him to also go villain arc IDK LOL I guess I want everyone to be gay do crime in this DLC 😂 But I seriously kept thinking he was just using the player to knock Kieran off his throne so he could take it right back from us. But no he actually genuinely cared about Kieran and kept pressuring us to beat the Elite Four so WE could knock some sense into him since Drayton wasn’t strong enough to do it himself. Which is a very sweet sentiment, I think :’) But am I the only one who was like bro calm down right after the fight where he was getting up in Kieran’s face and calling him ex-champion…..either he’s way too honest and doesn’t realize he was being cruel OR he was doing it on purpose to be a silly goober (but everyone else was like DUDE. LOW blow.)

-I still have questions. HELLO. HELLO. The notes in Area Zero mentioned the professor meeting a child with a white(?) book? Is that the Scarlet/Violet book? We still don’t know how the whole time travel paradox happened and why Heath talked about meeting Paradox Pokemon DECADES before the professor even brought them to Area Zero through the time machine? What is with the weird ass crystal tree sitting in the middle of a lake in the depths? Is there any significance to the Crystal Pool in Kitakami being connected to terastallizing and Area Zero? I’M JUST. AGHHH. I’m fairly certain we’re getting more content, maybe an epilogue to the DLCs but I’m going CRAZY I NEED TO KNOW NOWWW

-Also isn’t Area Zero like. Top secret hush hush. Why did Geeta let Briar publish a whole ass book about the HIDDEN SECRET of Area Zero that was miles under a closed off SECRET lab. I thought they were denying Briar access to Area Zero for YEARS, probably because they didn’t want her blabbing to the public. Idk. Maybe my memory is fuzzy on that one. Just feels very contradictory fhhdd

-The small little subtleties of Kieran regaining his regular personality as we went down….I ADORED that. His little smiles and him unable to contain his childish excitement and Carmine smiling at him with a knowing look bc after all this time her brother is FINALLY acting more like himself. And Kieran trying to brush it off like “wh-whatever” like he’s some sort of edgy teenager pretending he doesn’t care. GAHHHH it was so cute I wanted to cry 😭

ALL IN ALL it didn’t QUITE meet my expectations but it was still really good, especially considering this was all DLC content. Nothing will ever EVER top the main story of SV but the entirety of TTM and TID came pretty darn close. Kieran my sweet baby boy my blorbo I’m so glad you got your redemption arc and that you finally came to terms with your perception of strength and how it affects others. Baller DLC Nintendo do it again 👏

[justxtalking]

my thoughts on this hxh ABCD mess

Being a Togashi fan is such a roller-coaster of emotions. I think I went through all the stages of grief in only one day.

Half of me believes he's trolling.

To be honest, it's better to just take it with a light heart. Togashi is known for joking around about himself, his health and his own story. (I wasn't in the fandom at that moment, but I wonder how everyone reacted when he said everyone was going to die). I consider ending D to be so uncharacteristically him for so many reasons I could talk for hours about it. I find it ironic how he gave a stereotypical-shonen-like ending when he talked several times (even in this interview) about how he likes to surprise himself (and his readers) when he writes. Some other times he explained he likes to play with these shonen stereotypes and just do something different. I mean, he's been doing it since the beginning of his career.

And I'll be honest, ending D sounds like a mockery of shounen.

(And I feel a bit dumb taking this so seriously if he's joking.)

(Though, this also may be the case of "the boy who cried wolf" and he's actually saying the truth this time.)

The other half of me thinks he's being honest.

If he is actually giving us a back-up ending, I find it incredibly sad. Not only because of his health, but also because he felt pressured enough to give us an ending, no matter its form and no matter if it's an ending he doesn't even consider anymore. He shouldn't have been on that position.

It is important to take into account that this is not an ending he wants or even considers anymore, it is an ending we can take if he's not able to finish HunterXHunter. We need to realize there's a lot of circumstances we don't know about or may not be considering for him to give us this ending as an option at that moment. And what type of ending too.

I seriously want for him to be able to finish Hunter X Hunter the way he truly wants, not worrying about anything else. He's thinking about three plausible scenarios that may see the light of day or not. And no matter what he ends up choosing, he should choose whatever he wants. It's his story, no ours. And it may even be his last story (I know it's sad, I want him to keep on writing forever, but it's true). Honestly, a part of me wants him to choose the A scenario because that's where seems to be less drama, but actually I want him to choose the C scenario. Even if that ending is Gon married to a lizard with beautiful lizard-babies in the Dark Continent. And that's because that ending is what he would actually want to do with the story.

(I really am curious about it, though. I know I wouldn't be able to guess even in a million years, but I'm still curious. And I so want to read the whole interview and see the whole episode, since there were more questions about other things.)

For the shippers

I know this feels like a punch in the gut or something even worst. I felt it too. And it's totally valid to feel like we do and not agreeing with ending D. Even as a non-shipper because what do you mean, Gon did what?

Everyone who follows me knows I'm a proud Killugon and Leopika shipper. And I will keep on being one even if Hunter X Hunter transforms into Boruto and I have to see Grandpa Gon (the more I say it, the more it sounds like a joke).

Honestly, I always considered the gay ships were never going to be explicitly canon.(Kishimoto traumatized me). Not because of lack of material, but because there's a whole context and a lot of external circumstances we sometimes forget about (and Kishimoto traumatized me). There was a reason why Togashi couldn't make his queer manga in the 90s, which, I'm sorry, I don't consider it to be that long ago. And there is a reason why he can't explicitly say that characters like Pouf or Hisoka are gay (despite being totally obvious and them being villains).

I still find it admirable how Togashi included so many queer elements in his stories and got away with it. And he's a mangaka that does shonen. And not just any shonen, a battle manga in Shonen Jump. (He included a trans man in Level E and made him transition. The way Togashi explains some things about this character may be a bit problematic, but Togashi still did this). And those queer elements are still there and are still as canon as when he wrote it the first time. Pouf is as gay as he is dramatic. And Ging and Pariston still have that sexual tension (and I'm 100% sure they fucked or they are going to fuck in the near future or both). And Killua is still the queerest boy I've seen in the longest time.

Sometimes, I think there's a possibility of Killugon being canon. But only because of Togashi's history and tastes. He may feel a bit rebellious and just go with it, he's so unpredictable that I'm always expecting anything and everything from him (I mean, he did what he did with Hisoka and Illumi and so many other things). However, he's an introvert, I'm not sure if he actually wants the attention he would get if he actually goes with it. And that is something we should also respect. (I do think the most plausible option is Killugon to be as ambiguous as they are now.)

In relation to ending D, I don't think we should worry that much. At the end of the day, it is an ending he doesn't consider anymore. (At least we can sleep well knowing that the ending he wants to do doesn't have to do with Grandpa Gon). What's important is what he writes and does in the manga. That is what speaks louder than anything.

Though, I do think it's going to be a pain in the ass interacting with other fans. I'm not looking forward to it. (At least they are going to stop saying that Kurapika will die, I hope!). What I'm looking forward to is the new Killugon content in the fandom.

My personal take

Gon =/= Ging. I could say a lot about this, since one of the things I love the most about Hunter X Hunter is what he did with these two and Gon's arc, but I think this is clear enough.

So!

After saying all of this, I think the only thing we should consider as canon is the manga. If he doesn't write it, it didn't happen.

If he's saying the truth, he may be thinking about how to finish Hunter X Hunter sooner or later. Even though so many fans say that they want an ending, I feel like we are not ready. Not even for Gon marrying a lizard and having beautiful lizard-babies in the Dark Continent.

I hope I was coherent enough. I have no answers, only thoughts and thoughts! I feel like we can only speculate and ending D is so confusing because how did we even get there?

I may be going through all the stages of grief again tomorrow, but I wanted to share my thoughts (at least partially). I may erase it if I feel too uncomfortable, but yeah!

Conclusion: Let's just take it with a light heart and wait to see what happens! (I know it's hard).

[palomahasenteredthechat]

My thoughts on AQPDO

So, did this image appear in the actual film? Yeah, that's what I thought...

I loved it, and I was disappointed by it. This is long, so buckle in. Major Spoilers discussed below.

First, the outstanding: the performances. Holy hell. Lupita. Just...her talent is breathtaking. To sustain that level of intensity without overdoing it, I am simply in awe. Well done. I hope some attention is paid to her performance when award season rolls around. Ditto Alex Wolff. He did a LOT with so little screentime. Djimon too; they all were so, so moving.

Joe was so heartbreaking, and yet Joe's character is one of the things I am disappointed about, because I needed more. Not because I love Joe, but because the story needed it. I know there was a backstory that was cut, and to be honest I don't think that was necessarily a poor decision, but the issue is it was cut late in the creative process, versus in the writing, and that is where the problem is. More on that in a bit, but Joe delivered a sensitive and moving performance, and really understated as well. Not a bit of the cheeky Joe we have come to love so much that also I think pops out in Eddie and Michael occasionally. He was wholly immersed in Eric's reality and his energy complimented Lupita's so well; you can see how much they worked off each other. Dare I say she elevated his game. Another marathon performance and I can imagine how exhausting it must be to sustain that.

Second, Michael Sarnoski, hats off to you sir. The pacing, the way you put the story together visually, your heartbreaking script, just so well done. I hope they release the shooting script because I would love to read it and see the words (or lack of) that Joe and Lupita interpreted so movingly. I wonder if Michael has processed the death of a parent recently, because I felt so much emotion from this story. This film is about accepting the inevitability of death, while going through the five stages of grief, yet seeking to live fully regardless. Trigger warning: DO NOT see this movie if you are going through a rough time with someone who is terminally ill. It will wreck you. But this film is tragically, beautifully human. To deliver that story in a Hollywood big budget action film is a hat trick. Every actor in Hollywood who wants to grow creatively should be calling their agents asking to work with Michael Sarnoski right now.

Also, shout out to the production design people. They completely suspended my disbelief that the characters weren't in New York. Set design, lighting, like I could SMELL New York. Virtual production is getting so fucking good - we're well past the Unreal Wall vistas of the Mandalorian. If you ask yourself how A24 could shoot an Iraq war movie in the pastoral hills of England this is your answer.

Now, the not so good.

Go back and watch the first and second trailers and tell me how many of those moments were in the movie. Answer: barely any.

Map claw hand? We have to get out of the city? Gay couple? Old man turning off engine? Nada.

So, was this all misdirection in the marketing, making the audience think they were coming to see a summer action movie? That's legit, trying to get butts in seats, but I have a strong feeling Michael delivered a very different movie that was hacked up in the testing process. All of those scenes probably made the movie feel 'too long', and they had to cut them back to balance the action sequences with the emotional sequences.

The helicopters overhead spelling out THEY CAN'T SWIM probably came from focus group comments where someone was like 'why didn't the aliens just cross the river and start eating people in New Jersey?' (good point). But I'll bet you they wanted to give Alex Wolff's character a more significant death in regard to Samira's emotional journey, so they reshot the scene with the old man turning off the engine and had Alex do it instead.

Also, I get the strong feeling Eric showed up in the story much earlier in the original cut of the film, and the scene with Map Claw Hand illustrates that. The big question regarding Eric is why this random sad British dude gloms on to Samira and I'm not sure they answer that question in the final cut. Joe absolutely sells it, but it doesn't make sense and I suspect it's because it wasn't written that way.

Also, and call me crazy, but I think Joe is wearing a wig in some parts of this movie and not in other parts. It would make sense if there were significant reshoots based on early testing of the film. I wonder if the Alien Lava Tiki Bar (what...was that actually) scene was added later. Like, I get why Eric went up there- actually I don't, I think Eric would have been focused on getting the medicine back to her and wouldn't have taken a detour up scaffolding to follow I cat at all, but that's just me.

Finally, let's talk about the cat. Both Schnitzel and Nico are exquisite and enjoyable to watch, though how no one got scratched or bitten by a disgruntled feline is a mystery. We had a long debate about whether The Cat Represents Samira's Life, or The Cat is An Angel, or Fate, but ultimately we just went with KITTY and that made the story more enjoyable.

Samira is on a quest, to die on her terms, and once she accepts her fate, she sheds the things that no longer matter to her, and in the process gives Eric a purpose. The scene in the jazz bar was so moving. The final shot is also incredibly moving, and I hope the city was filled with the sound of music one last time, a beautiful elegy accompanying her soul to heaven.

Bravo.

[somesaintiam]

rank ur top 5 st characters (and tell me why) <33

5. Robin

I didn't really pay much attention to Robin before, but she has grown onto me mainly because she is a rambler, and I ramble a lot too sometimes. I'm excited to see her have a bigger role in season5 and to see her a Vickie together as a team- I think it'll be really awkward with the unresolved feelings for each other but that's what I want to see lmao. I want to see their awkward glances and the awkward brushing of their handssss. Also, robins' style is literally 🔛🔝

4. Max

I may have bias for Max because me and her are both real redheads lmao-- but her storyline in season 4 kinda changed my whole view on her character, and her grief of losing her brother despite how horrible he was is just so realistic and her isolating herself and pushing others away, and i can kind of relate to that last part. I love her independence especially in season 3 with El and her willpower to escape Vecna then literally go back to Vecna's lair even after what she saw before to try and save Hawkins.

3.El

I love her outfits, and especially her season 2 fluffy hair. She's super strong and I'm excited for her independence from Mike in season 5 because she has had enough of being controlled by men. She and Max bring out the best in each other and I hope to see more of their friendship in season 5. I can't really think of much, but her action scenes are always so full of raw emotion and i loveee when she stands up for herself.

2.Mike

Theres so much to say about him. If we are right about him being gay(i have no doubt that we are) then he is so well written. First off since we dont ever get his perspective really in the show, we are probably getting it in s5. Mike is super kind but his internalized homophobia and his mental issues (he probably has depression of some sort) get in the way of that. This also brings me to say that he and will represent different responses of internalized homophobia and depression. Mike bottles everything up, denies it, and tries to fit into social norms and Will keeps it to himself and accepts hes gay and doesnt try to fit in but hates himself for it🙁. Im pretty sure mike also has survivors guilt and im super excited to see all of that hopefully mostly resolved in s5.

1.Will

The best character of stranger things is definitely Will. He is quite literally so selfless and generous its crazy. like he literally sacrifices his own feelings to attempt to fix milkvan and that says so much about him. The show wouldn't exist without Will and I'm so excited that he's going to take center stage again in s5. He literally deserves a happy ending and I'm so excited for that and I just know I'm going to be smiling so much every time he comes on the screen, he's literally the best character😭😭🙏🙏

[sarahowritesostucky]

📖"The Taste of You"

Rating: Explicit

Pairing: Steve Rogers x Bucky Barnes

Word Count: 6113

Tags: Fresh AU, dark rom-com, dark!Bucky, pre-serum Steve, kidnapping, cannibalism, yandere/basement wife, meet cute-ish, gay sex n' stuff, ignoring of sexual boundaries, dub-con bordering on non-con, (mostly humorous) gore, (mostly humorous) body horror

Summary: Steve is so tired of the meat market that modern dating has become. Just when he's deleted all the apps and given up on ever finding Mr. Right, he meets the perfect guy at the grocery store.

A dark, cute, funny, fucked up, and very tasty love story.

It's a Fresh AU. "If you can't handle the cannibalism, get out of the kitchen" ... or something like that

11. Marinate

Wait! I haven't read a previous chapter. Story Masterlist

Steve:

Steve wakes up to a racket. “Mmph.” He sits up from his mattress, the thin blanket draped over his knees, two knobbly points where he rests his elbows as he rubs the crust from his eyes. As he wakes fully, he begins to make more sense of what’s making the racket.

“Help Meee! Somebodee!!! Heeelp! Please!!”

He groans and plops his face into the cradle of his criss-crossed arms. Right. Last night was Date Night.

“Hello?!!! Can anybody hear me?!!!

Bucky had walked by carrying her. Steve’d barely gotten a glimpse of a limp neck and a mass of dangling brown hair before they were out of sight and he heard the low, rolling drag of one of the other cell’s door being opened, then closed. Bucky had come over with their nightly Old Fashioneds to drink together, still wearing his nice date clothes. It’d been hard for Steve to reconcile his base attraction to the man, while also knowing the reason why he was dressed up like that in the first place.

Bucky had been glad to see him. He’d kissed him, and Steve had smelled ladies’ perfume on his shirt. Bucky slid down the wall and talked about how he was so pooped, how he was so glad that now he could just take it easy and spend more time at the house with Steve. He talked as if he’d just gotten through a regular day’s work instead of a diabolical kidnapping scheme. “Ugh,” he’d groaned, running a hand through his hair as he picked the cherry out of his glass. “Now I can relax.”

Erica Buccanetti was in the basement.

Currently, the woman down the hall—Erica—keeps yelling and yelling and yelling, and eventually Steve can’t take it anymore. “Hey!” he calls out. Shut up, he wants to say, but doesn’t. Because it’d be mean.

The screaming stops for the briefest second, and then the woman screams even louder and more desperately, tears clogging her voice. “Hello?! Ohmygod! Please, please you have to help me!! This guy! He—he chained me to the floor!! He kidnapped me!”

Steve looks down at his own wrist. “Yup,” he mutters. But he hasn’t yelled it so she doesn’t hear him. She just keeps screaming and crying for Steve to help her.

Bucky had warned him that it would probably go this way.

“I don’t even tell them what they’re here for until the first wave of screaming stops. It’s best to just let ‘em cry it out for those first couple of hours. Once we have The Talk, they usually freak out again for anywhere between an hour and a day, then it’s just how fast they move through the five stages of grief.”

Steve’s go no clue what the five stages of grief are, but figures freaking-the-fuck-out might be one of them. Over in her cell, Erica screams and pleads so much that Steve can’t even get a word in edgewise to tell her that he’s being held prisoner, too. “Please I’ll do anything!” she yells, voice echoey. Anything!! Please! You have to help me!!

It sounds like she’s several cells down from the one Steve’s in. The basement walls are all concrete and stone and sound tends to carry out in the spiraled hallway. Especially since the doors to their cells aren’t solid. “I can’t help you!” Steve calls out. “We’re in the same boat!” Really, they’re not, but he doesn’t need to tell her that now. She’d never stop screaming if he did. Bucky’s the freak who kidnapped her, why should Steve be the one who has to break the bad news that he also plans on eating her?

“What??! How long have you been here?!”

Steve sighs and lies back down on his mattress. “I dunno! Less than a month!” He’s lying. He knows exactly how long it's been. He only knows because of Bucky’s visits, because of his meals and when they come. If it weren’t for those, Steve wouldn’t have a clue what time of day it even was. He’s got a little tally going on the side of the toilet-sink, classic prisoner style. He puts a scratch in the metal with the links of his chain, one for each breakfast Bucky serves him. But yesterday he’d almost forgotten to do the tally. He’d forgotten until it was bedtime, and for some reason that really bothered him. He’d scratched that day’s tally in with extra vigor.

Now, he reaches over to grab his most recent book. He finds the page he left off on.

“You know James?!” Erica yells. “Did he—did he take you too?! Why?! What’s he want with us?!!”

It hurts Steve, to hear her use the name James, to be reminded that Steve himself was duped just the same as everybody else. He’d called Bucky James, up until a few weeks ago. Steve shouts, “Yep!” not wanting her to know that he goes by Bucky, for some reason. Steve flips a page in his book, wonders if Bucky eventually tells all his prisoners his nickname. He hopes not. Why does he hope that?

“What does he want?! Oh, god, is he … is he gonna rape me?!”

Steve groans and lets his forehead thunk down to the page. “No!” he tells her. He can hear her moving around over in her room, grunting with effort, the chain rattling as she tries to free herself. She starts sobbing after a while, screams some more, then goes back to the sobbing. She doesn’t try to communicate with Steve any further, and Steve is actually kind of glad.

She’s been quiet for a few hours, and Steve is pretty sure she’s fallen asleep. He’s made his way through most of Anna Karenina by the time Bucky appears.

“Morning,” he says, friendly, setting down the breakfast tray that he’s brought Steve. It’s blueberry pancakes today and Steve’s stomach actually grumbles as he takes the tray. He spreads the butter and pours the syrup, cuts into the fluffy pancakes. Bucky makes the best fucking pancakes Steve’s ever had. “How was it?” Bucky asks, tipping his head towards the cell door. “With her here?”

Steve glares at him. “Awful. Screaming and crying. Woke me up.”

Bucky makes an apologetic face. “It’ll get better. It’s about ten a.m. now. I’ll go in and have The Talk with her once she wakes back up.”

“Ugh.” Steve figures there’s going to be a lot more screaming in his future. “Why’d you design the rooms this way?” he asks, genuinely curious. “Why’d you make it so that we can—” he cuts himself off as he realizes that he’s including himself in Bucky’s victim pool. He swallows thickly, and rephrases, “Why’d you make it so that they can talk to each other?”

Bucky shrugs. “Having each other to talk to calms them down, gives ‘em something to do. Plus, I think it makes the rooms feel nicer and less threatening, to have the sliding doors. Less claustrophobic.”

Steve’s eyes drag over to the wooden slats of the cell door. Leave it to Bucky to design an aesthetically pleasing dungeon. “Have you ever had somebody escape?”

“No.” Bucky’s eyes narrow. “Why? You making plans?”

Steve snorts and spears another bite of pancake onto his fork. “Come on Buck. No.” Steve’s a realist. He knows that if he escapes (when he scolds himself, when he escapes), it’ll have to be from upstairs. “I just wondered.”

Bucky watches him carefully for a long minute, like he’s sizing him up. “One girl,” he says quietly, coming down to sit next to Steve. He steals a bite of pancake, eating it thoughtfully. “One girl almost got out, once. She was one of those mutants, like you hear about on the news, you know? Only I didn’t know it.” He licks the syrup from his fingertips. “I mean it’s not like they’re common, especially now the government’s got that serum to fix ‘em. What are the chances, right?”

Steve’s eyebrows raise. “What, like she could walk through walls or something?”

“She definitely would’ve escaped if that were it.” Bucky scoffs. “Naw. Turns out she could freeze things. The roofies kept her from it at first I guess, but then they wore off and she got to work. First she burst the pipes, tried to flood herself out. I turned the water off, confused as fuck how it’d happened, cause it was the middle of summer. I left her in here while I tried to get a plumber in, tried to fix things. Meanwhile, she was down here freezing the bedroom door.” He points at said door. “Froze the wood brittle and busted through like it was made’a toothpicks.”

Steve’s gaze slides over to the slatted panels of the door. It’s like a chic, mid-century modern version of a prison cell’s barred doors. Steve’s chain doesn’t extend far enough to let him go over there and test it, but from the looks and sounds of things it’s solid hardwood, with an electronic locking mechanism anchored deep inside the concrete wall. Unless he’s got a superpower he’s yet to discover, there’s no way he’d be able to break the thing open.

The fact that the door is so transparent, slatted instead of solid, is almost like a taunt in his opinion. Freedom: so close yet so far away.

“But I got her under control before she could cause any real damage. Knocked her out, got a hold of the serum to fix her. Now I keep an emergency kit of the stuff in the OR.” Bucky sighs like it’s a disappointing memory. “Had to punish her of course.”

Steve blinks, disturbed by the thought of what it would be like to almost escape such a horrible fate, only to get dragged back again. He swallows thickly. “What’d you do? Cut off her legs?”

“Hands,” Bucky says. He holds up his own, wriggling his fingers in the air. “That’s how she did the freezing thing. With her hands. It was just a freak chance that she turned out to be like that. I’ve never had any other trouble with product.”

Steve glares at him for using that term again. “And what did she do, to deserve to get eaten?”

“You know I actually don’t remember.” Bucky says thoughtfully. “Something heinous, I’m sure. Usually involving kids.” He must see the distaste on Steve’s face because he leans closer to him, scowling. “Hey. I don’t ever take innocents.”

“Yeah, you’ve said that.”

“It’s true. I’d have to look at my records to know what her story was. They all start blending together after a while.”

“You keep records?” Steve scowls, suddenly not very hungry for his pancakes anymore. He pushes the tray back in Bucky’s general direction. “Done.”

Bucky frowns at his obvious discontent. “You sure do have a lot of questions all of a sudden,” he says. “You want to know about how my business runs?”

“Maybe.” Steve holds his nose up in the air, stubborn. “Maybe I’m curious.”

“Curious,” Bucky echoes, watching him closely. He’s suspicious, but there’s something underneath of that suspicion, something interested about Steve being interested. Steve has intrigued him.

“Hello?! Are you still there?! Hello!!! Guy?! Mister?! Are you still there?!”

Both Bucky and Steve sigh at the renewed yelling. Erica’s awake again. Steve watches as Bucky hefts himself to his feet and heads to the door, looking for all the world like he’s simply off to do a business presentation that he’s been dreading. “Wish me luck,” he says, sliding the door open and closed again.

Steve stares at where he left, feeling apathetic and really mixed up about it. “Good luck,” he mutters.

Bucky:

For some reason, Bucky just doesn’t get as much enjoyment out of it as usual. He doesn’t even fix himself a drink to watch her come to. By the time he’s downstairs the next morning, Steve’s already interacted with her. Of course Bucky knew that might happen. But he figures shielding Steve from the realities of his business won’t do either of them any favors. It is what it is.

Erica does the whole shiver-gasp-hyperventilate-scream-cry-scream-cry thing, which Bucky waits out with an admirable amount of patience. “Erica, Honey,” he says when he thinks he’s finally got a chance. “Are you ready to listen to me? I’d like to talk to you but you’re making it very hard.” She sniffles and refuses to look at him, curled up in the corner by her mattress.

What is it about women and corners? Bucky thinks. He can get to them just as easily there as anywhere else. You’d think they’d figure that out. With no response forthcoming from Erica, he takes a deep breath and tells her, “So like I said, it's what I do for work. People pay me a lot of money for it. And I understand it’s a lot to come to terms with. You’ll be thinking about escaping, and killing me, all that. But besides all that, I don’t want you to worry. You’re going to be fed well here—no meat, so we don’t even have to get into that. I give my girls pain meds whenever they need them, so you should never be in anything more than minimal discomfort.”

She peeks out from the messy splay of her brown hair at that, her eyes all puffy and red-rimmed. “... Minimal discomfort,” she breathes. “Are you fucking serious?”

Bucky hums, displeased. “It’s better than the alternative, Sweetheart.” He claps his hands and gets to his feet. “And hey, think about it: you’re religious, right? Catholic?”

Her eyes widen, shocked that he knows this. It’s cute, Bucky thinks, how none of them ever suspect the stalking. “How do you know that?” she whispers.

He shakes his head at her and he heads for the door. “I just brought it up because I was gonna suggest that, if you believe in God and heaven and hell and all that, you might try to look at your time here as a sort of penance. For what you did to your brother.” At the door he looks back at her and sees her shocked eyes and parted lips. “Yeah,” he simpers. “Just think: God might even let you into heaven once I’m through with you. You just have to be sorry enough.”

He walks out and slides the door shut. She doesn’t start crying and screaming again until he’s halfway to the stairs.

Steve:

After a week of Erica, Steve is running out of patience. According to Bucky—who fancies himself an amateur psychologist—she’s in the ‘Bargaining Stage’, whatever the hell that means. For Steve it means talking constantly and needling him for answers.

“Steve! Are you awake?!

“Steve! We have to think of a plan!!”

“Has he eaten you yet?!”

“Is James gay or straight?! We could try and seduce him! Bite his dick off!”

“Where are you from?! What do you do?! What’s your family like? Do you think they’re looking for us yet?!”

Steve barely glances at the lunch tray Bucky brings him that day. “Please,” he begs, tossing aside his copy of Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance without saving his spot. “Please let me come upstairs for a little bit.” He’s not even thinking of escaping, is the sad thing. He just needs a break.

“She a talker?” Bucky asks wryly.

“She only stops when you come down,” Steve grits, feeling bad for feeling this way towards his fellow captive. But he can’t help it. She’s relentless, seems to think that if they really put their minds to it, the two of them can find a way to bust out of there. Steve tells her the story that Bucky told him of the mutant woman, tells her how Bucky wooed him and brought him there. For a day or two, he really does try. He talks.

But he doesn’t tell her about how Bucky isn’t planning on eating him. He doesn’t tell her how he’s apparently not on the menu like she is, how he's not going to die, how Bucky is convinced that he and Steve are going to be together. He tells himself he does this out of compassion for Erica, so that she can feel solidarity with him and not lose hope or whatever. But really, he just doesn’t want her to know about his special memories, the private things he knows about Bucky, the things Steve has with him that she never will. He wants to keep that to himself. He’s not sure why exactly, but he does.

He doesn’t tell her that Bucky goes by ‘Bucky’ and not James.

He also doesn’t want to lump himself in with her. Because as bad as Steve feels for her situation, Bucky still told him about what she did to her brother. And it really does help Steve from feeling too much sympathy for her. It’s funny, but he always kind of assumed it was all men who did those awful things. But Bucky shows him the paperwork. He shows him the proof. So when Erica whines and laughs and cries, high as a kite on her pain meds, upset about the fact that Bucky chopped her leg off, Steve doesn’t feel as bad or as horrified as he knows he should. He just keeps telling her to try to go to sleep. The more she sleeps, the less he has to deal with her.

By now she’s been tapered down a bit on the meds, so she’s back to being her usual chatty self. She thinks the two of them are bosom buddies. Come to find out, she’s a really vapid and annoying sort of person. She tells him about her dead-end job that she could give a rat's ass about, and Steve thinks that it just fucking figures she'd be a DMV employee, of all things.

“I need a break,” he repeats to Bucky with pleading eyes. “Please.” 

I want to spend time with someone I actually like. 

He has thoughts like that all the time, but of course he never says them. He doesn’t like Bucky, he just … gets along with him really well. Or at least he used to, before all this happened.

“Well …” Bucky hedges, looking like he’s really considering it.

Steve’s heart leaps. “I’ll be good,” he promises, talking quietly even though it’s really not necessary. He knows Erica can’t make out their words right now, just like Steve can’t hear Bucky talking to her at a normal decibel over in her cell. But the sound of the electronic locks at the top of the basement stairs is always clear as a bell, and both Steve and Erica know what it means when they hear that familiar ‘beep’, those familiar footsteps coming down. Steve is sure it strikes far more terror into her than it does him. Especially since the surgery happened.

Bucky took her leg. Steve asks him about it when he’s guided upstairs and into the bathroom. He’s being allowed to come up for a shower, but then it’s back downstairs. He’s disappointed at the limitation, but doesn’t complain. Baby steps. “So, did you eat her?” he asks, trying to use the conversation to distract himself from the way that Bucky watches him undress. There’s nothing Steve can do about it. He needs to shower at some point. He stinks.

“No,” Bucky tells him. “She’s just for Carlo, remember?”

“Mm.” Steve gets the water running and glances nervously back at Bucky. “I don’t want you to come in with me,” he says, trying to firm up his voice into something that Bucky will respect. “I just want to get clean, please.”

Bucky inclines his head as if to say, 'Go right ahead'.

Steve steps into the shower, and oh, it feels like heaven after not washing for so long. He checks once more to make sure that Bucky isn’t coming in after him, then closes his eyes and leans into the spray. Bucky’s voice sounds from the other side of the glass door. “There’s a safety razor in there. You can use it. But if you try to slit your wrists or something stupid like that, all you’re gonna achieve is a shit ton of discomfort.”

Steve looks around and spots the razor. He picks it up, blinking at it. He knows Bucky isn’t going to leave him alone in the bathroom long enough to do anything with it. Not that Steve’s plan involves self harm. It doesn’t. It involves Bucky harm. “Thanks,” he mutters, and proceeds to try and shave his face without the aid of a mirror. He’s pretty successful, only nicking himself once or twice along his jawline.

“Thank you,” he says again, figuring that a little more mild behavior can’t hurt his game. “For letting me shower up here.”

“You’re welcome, Honey. Your new room has a shower in it.” It’s finished, Bucky’s told him. Just needs a few ‘personal touches’, whatever that means. “And there’s a solid door. You won’t have to listen to all the crying and screaming anymore.”

Steve nods, a silent laugh bubbling up in his chest at the hilariousness of how awful those words are: ‘you won’t have to listen to the crying and screaming anymore’. Jesus Christ. How awful is it that Steve is laughing at that? Or that all he can think about is how soon he’ll be able to get a full night’s sleep, read a whole chapter, take a long shit, without interruption. He loses his temporary mirth and opens his eyes with his head ducked under the spray, the water sluicing off his hair and down his nose, his lips. What is he becoming? “Why did you tell me your name was James?” he asks quietly.

“Hm?” Bucky didn’t hear, and Steve repeats himself. Bucky steps closer to the shower door, the shadow of his body visible.

“If you weren’t planning on taking me or … or selling my meat, then why not introduce yourself as Bucky?” Steve looks over and sees the blurred form of him through the steam and the dimpled shower glass, his hand up against the door, palm flat. “Why’d you have to do that?” he asks, so quietly that he’s surprised he gets an answer at all.

“Habit,” Bucky says, and he sounds regretful. “I was stalking Eileen at the time, so I was in work mode. I wasn’t expecting to meet you. It’s … it’s hard to let anyone close.” His voice has gone quiet now, too. Soft and serious. Steve feels like he’s holding his breath as Bucky tells him through the glass, “You just get used to separating yourself into these … these different pieces. And you keep ‘em that way. Nobody sees all of you.”

“... That sounds lonely.”

“It is. But you form habits. I’m sorry.”

Steve looks back down at the shower floor, at his feet, his toes. He knows how lucky he is not to have lost anything yet. He’s still not sure he even trusts that Bucky won’t take something, eventually. “I didn’t tell her,” he says. “Your name. ‘Bucky’. I didn’t want her to know it.” He shakes his head at himself, mutters, “S’stupid.”

“No, it’s not.” Bucky opens the shower door and Steve jumps in place, jerking back a little. But Bucky’s still clothed and he doesn’t try to come into the shower. He just reaches in and takes Steve’s hand and gives it a squeeze. His shirt sleeve gets soaked in the process, but he doesn’t seem to care. He’s looking right at Steve. “It’s not stupid at all, honey,” he says, eyes tender. “You’re not like them. Not at all.”

“What am I like?” Steve whispers.

Bucky smiles softly. “You’re Steve. You’re my boyfriend. My lover. Hopefully, one day, my partner.” Steve gapes at him and Bucky just gives his hand another squeeze, then retreats. The shower door separates them once again, and Steve is left to stand there, shaking under the water for a while as he has an existential crisis. He thinks about possible ways to murder Bucky for at least ten minutes straight. Unfortunately, pummeling him to death with the body wash doesn’t pass muster. The little cheap safety razor not much better. Bucky will notice if he tries to sneak it.

“You turned into a prune in there yet?” Bucky teases.

Steve shakes himself out of it and proceeds to wash his hair.

Bucky:

He plans out the perfect day for them, and by the time he’s given Erica her breakfast and is able to bring Steve up from the basement, he’s very excited. It’s just over seventy degrees outside that day and the sun is shining. It streams in through the kitchen’s skylights while the coffee machine percolates away. Bucky is in a fantastic mood.

He gives Steve a big good morning kiss, thumbing over his smooth-shaven jaw. The little cuts from yesterday are all gone, and he resolves to have a safety mirror installed in Steve's new bathroom downstairs. "Sleep any better?" he asks. Steve mumbles something vaguely affirmative and Bucky beams, because in only a few days he's planning on surprising Steve with his new room. “So, I’ve got the perfect day planned for us,” he proclaims as he holds the barstool out for Steve. Steve climbs up and Bucky secures his left cuff to the link that’s embedded in the quartz countertop. He’s installed them in all sorts of handy locations upstairs, since Steve’s been there.

Because baby steps.

He pushes Steve’s stool back in and goes over to start whipping up their breakfast. “French omelets,” he proclaims proudly. “Toast, bacon, other-bacon, and fresh squeezed orange juice.” Steve, of course, sneers at the ‘other-bacon’. Bucky ignores it. “What do you like in your omelets?” he asks him cheerfully.

“Onions, cheese, mushrooms, spinach,” Steve lists off, carefully eyeing all the things that Bucky pulls from the fridge. “I’d say ham if you had it, but …”

“I’ve got it.” Bucky produces a ham steak, still in its grocery store packaging, and that seems to satisfy Steve. He starts chopping up different things, humming as he goes along.

“Why’re you so chipper?” Steve asks, reaching for his glass of juice.

“You have to ask?” Bucky grins across the counter at him, but the grin fades a little as he takes in Steve’s expression. Bucky puts down his knife and rounds the island, coming up beside Steve and cupping his jaw. “Hey,” he says tenderly. “I’m happy, because I’ve got my fella up here with me. I get to spend the day with you.” He kisses him lightly. “You have any idea how much I’ve missed that?” Steve shivers under his hands, but at least he doesn’t pull away. Bucky hums knowingly and pecks another kiss to his mouth before going back to the cutting board. “So since you said you were curious, I thought I’d show you around the property today.” He peeks up at Steve, sees him sitting there observantly. “Show you how things run. If you want.”

Bucky knows it’s risky, that it might provoke a negative reaction from Steve. Maybe even cause a setback of sorts. But in the long run he thinks it’s a good move. The more open and honest he can be with Steve, the more Steve can come to terms with everything. Because after all, that’s the dream, isn’t it? Full, true intimacy. No games or projections, no thin, exhausting veneer of who he knows he’s supposed to be for that specific person. Just him and someone who knows all of him, and accepts him, and stays.

Bucky grabs a handful of mushrooms and gives them a quick chop. He starts cracking eggs. “You can ask me questions, you know,” he says coaxingly, checking on Steve’s expression. “If you want. I’ll answer honestly.”

Steve frowns thoughtfully. “Mmm, I dunno.” He sits there for another few moments, and Bucky starts to think that he won’t take him up on the offer, but then, “Was the China story true? About the village?”

Bucky pauses. Steve looks genuinely curious, so he tells him, “Yeah. Yeah it was. Only, I knew what I was being served. I’d picked up the barest bit of Mandarin while I was there, and I heard them whispering.”

“And you ate it anyway?”

He nods, watching Steve carefully. “And I ate it anyway.” Steve looks back down. He doesn’t look happy with that answer, but he doesn’t look hateful or disgusted either, which makes Bucky’s heart lift hopefully.

“When did you start doing it. On your own?”

He takes a deep breath, wary of upsetting Steve but knowing that this is something they have to get past. “I was in med school, still.”

“Cadavers?”

He laughs. “You have thought this out.” When Steve just shrugs and sips his orange juice, Bucky clarifies, “Cadavers are embalmed. You can’t eat them. But, sometimes we’d get a severed limb in the ER. You know, something that couldn’t be reattached.” He tips his head permissively as he swirls the eggs to a fine scramble. “... and, sometimes I was the one in charge of disposing of the pieces.”

“Ew.”

He smirks and flicks the burner on. Steve’s ‘Ews’ don’t have as much vitriol to them as they used to. It gives Bucky hope. “Yeah. So I had a few more opportunities to try it. And of course I researched it. Found out it wasn’t harmful.”

“Except for the brains,” Steve supplies dully, and Bucky points the spatula at him with a grin.

“Hey! You’re learning!” He pours the eggs into the pan and they sizzle and pop against the heated Teflon. He sprinkles in the ingredients for Steve’s omelet, stuffs a pinch of shredded cheese in his mouth, and chews. “Yeah, so, I knew this guy in tech, right? And he had access to some stuff. Dark web stuff. That’s where I found an entire community of people who do this. Come to find out, it’s been a thing since like, forever, and then ... I don’t know,” he shrugs emphatically and flips the edge of the omelet inwards. “There’s like this whole subculture that’s formed around it. People started showing interest in me when they found out I was a surgeon. I made friends, figured out that I could get rich off it—hell of a lot richer than doing butt lifts and boob jobs—and I just … started slow. Treated as a hobby, before I went professional with it.” Steve snorts, but it’s not mean, and it makes Bucky grin in turn. He finishes up Steve’s omelet and slides it out of the pan, points to one of the two plates of cooling bacon that are resting on paper towels. “That’s the vegetarian pile, if you couldn’t tell.”

They look almost identical. But Bucky has only ever lied to Steve once, and this isn’t it. Steve only hesitates with his fingers over the bacon for a second, then he’s taking two strips for himself. Bucky bites his lip and wonders if Steve would even try a bite of the other bacon …

“What’s ‘slow’?” Steve asks, crunching through his slice of bacon.

Bucky watches it covetously. Seeing Steve put that much trust in him is such a huge thrill. “What?” he asks distractedly.

“You said you started ‘slow’.”

“Oh.” He tears his eyes away from Steve’s grease-smeared lips. “Um, well I didn’t have this place.” He gestures around the kitchen. “Just my condo in the city back then, so I had to go one at a time. And it was wasteful, because I had to harvest the whole body all at once. Nobody pays the same rates for frozen meat. They want fresh.” He frowns at the memory, pouring more eggs into the pan. “Back then I’d rent a place, a cabin or something. Come upstate for a long weekend. I'd do the work, clean up, freeze whatever wasn’t bought right off the bat. Just had to learn my way around it, find a process that worked for me.” He peeks up at Steve to check on him, but the guy is very studiously consuming his omelet. “I was doing three, maybe four girls a year? Eh, I dunno. Something like that.”

Steve shakes his head. “‘Doing’. Christ.”

“You know what I mean.” Bucky plates his own food and pulls out the stool next to Steve’s. “The dark web has a lot more than cannibals on it, Honey. You can find a lot of good targets. Pedos and stuff.” Steve finally looks up at him and Bucky gives him a nod, satisfied. “Yeah, exactly. For a while I really tried to push the man-meat on clients, just because they were so much easier to track down, and there were so many of them, with their kiddie porn and shit. But the clients wanted women.”

“Gotta please the customer,” Steve mumbles. “So you were a mobile serial killer, and now you’re a stationary one.”

“Don’t call me that,” Bucky says, a little sharper than he intends to. That gets him another solid moment of eye contact with Steve. “I’m not a serial killer. They kill for psychological reasons. They need the thrill. I don’t. I’m just running a business.”

“Sure.”

“You know I wouldn’t even kill them if it was possible. I’d take a leg and set them loose, if I could.” Bucky grabs a piece of ‘other-bacon’ and crunches down on it. “I’m a butcher, but I do it humanely. You should see the fucks these people were buying from before. Before I came on the scene.”

Steve looks at him with wide eyes, says, “Wha?” around a mouthful of egg. Bucky hums darkly.

“Yeah. I chatted with a few online. And I’ve met one in person. Gotta research the competition when you’re setting up a business plan, after all.” He sneers as he remembers the losers he’d found. “They were serial killers. Rapists, sadists. Did all kinds of horrible shit to their victims. Then if there was anything salvageable, that’s what they hocked.” Bucky sees the horror and disgust in Steve’s eyes again and he nods. “It was easy to drive them out of business. All that fear and stress? It's not good for the meat. My product tastes better."

"Product," Steve repeats dully.

"Right. So who would pay for scraps when they could get a gourmet meal with all the fixings instead?”

“Oh,” Steve says, and he pokes at his omelet instead of eating it. “Yeah.”

Bucky swipes another piece of other-bacon. “It wasn’t just not having the house. I also worked full time at a private practice. But I gave that up after the first five years. Had the house built, moved to full time. Now I can handle more like twelve, fifteen girls a year if I rotate consistently. Last year I was a workaholic and did over twenty. I made bank, but it was nuts. I’m never doing that again.”

Steve goes still next to him and Bucky senses the tension. He looks over. “What?”

Steve scoffs a little and shakes his head. “Nothing, I’m just stupid is all. I actually thought you had a job. The practice you talked about. I still thought it was real.” He stabs another bite of his omelet up and shoves it in his mouth. “You don’t practice medicine.”

For some reason, that wounds Bucky’s pride. He looks back down at his plate, hurt. “Yeah, not really,” he murmurs. Just what he does with the girls, but he supposes that doesn’t really count. He does miss it sometimes. Just the social aspects of it mostly. It’s very isolating, what he does alone. He sighs and eats his food.

After Breakfast, he gives Steve time to get dressed for a walk. He smiles when Steve emerges from his room in a new outfit. “That’s one you haven’t worn yet.”

Steve shrugs. “I was saving it.”

Bucky bites his tongue to keep from saying anything, privately tickled that Steve was saving a date outfit. Mostly, Steve’s been wearing the men’s extra small sweatpants and generic tee shirts that Bucky supplies him with, but today he’s chosen to wear something of his own. It’s just an Aerosmith tee shirt with a jean button up thrown over it, but Steve looks good no matter what he wears. At least in Bucky’s opinion. “Here.” he hands over Steve’s boots. They lace up, so Bucky hasn’t allowed him to keep them in his room. “You need a belt?”

“I’m good," Steve murmurs.

Bucky grins and claps his hands together. “Okay then. On with the tour!”

They walk the edge of the property. It’s the trail that Bucky jogs most mornings, and he tells Steve that. “This is big,” is what Steve has to say. “You have a lot of land.”

Bucky puts a hand on his shoulder and pulls him in for a hug. “Hey,” he says softly, speaking into Steve’s hair. “I know you’re thinking about ways to run away right now.”

Steve tenses in his arms, but he doesn’t deny it. Bucky kisses the top of his head. “It’ll get better,” he promises. “It will. Just gotta give it time.”

Steve avoids looking at him after that. They finish their loop of the property at the barn. Bucky decides not to take Steve inside, but he explains what he does there. Steve seems to take it pretty well, in Bucky's opinion.

“So once they’re dead, you chop ‘em up in there.”

Bucky inhales deeply through his nose and lets it out in a controlled sigh. “‘Chop’ isn’t the word I would use. I’m a trained surgeon, Honey. I treat their bodies with respect.”

“I think they’d disagree.”

“I harvest almost everything in the OR. Then, yes, the torso or other large remaining cuts get sectioned in here.”

Steve doesn’t seem to like hearing the word ‘Torso’, Bucky notices, and he makes a mental note not to use it around him. “There’s a dumbwaiter here too,” he tells him. “It leads to a separate freezer, which connects to the basement via another hallway.” Bucky can see the cogs turning in Steve’s head as he takes this information in. Steve is planning out every possible escape route he might be able to utilize, in the near future.

Bucky isn’t worried. Steve will come around. He just has to get them through that ‘near future’ without incident.

With the tour concluded, they return to the house and he locks Steve’s wrist at a spot by the couch. There’s a cord so that he’s got enough slack to move around the general area. Bucky gives him the remote control and Steve holds it in his hands like it’s a treasured object. “I can …” he seems to falter, which is adorable to Bucky. “I can watch whatever I want?” he asks meekly.

Bucky smiles. “Yeah, Honey. Go ahead. I’ll be working in the kitchen.”

Steve:

By the time it’s late morning, Steve’s already mentally exhausted.

Bucky’s ‘tour’ hadn’t been graphic or anything. Hell, mostly they’d just walked around the grassy path that runs along the tree line of the surrounding forest. But Bucky had detailed his harvesting process, his mail order service, his history with the whole, morbid affair.

And then there’d been the butchery barn.

That’s what Steve’s calling it in his head, since Bucky’s so god awful insistent that he’s a butcher and not a serial killer. "Bucky the Butcher." It even sounds like the perfect name for a prolific serial killer. Steve would laugh at him about it, but he’s pretty sure that would make Bucky get mad and stick him back in his cell, so he doesn’t laugh. He doesn’t even argue. He just nods along to the information Bucky gives him, memorizing the parts that might one day help him out of this hellhole.

It’s kind of hard to remember it’s a hellhole, though, when he’s being treated so nicely. Especially when it’s by the man who was his lover before, the man whom Steve had trusted and liked (a lot. What does that say about him?), the man with whom he’d formed an emotional bond so quickly. Steve hates it, but it’s still there, coloring their every interaction.

The basement isn’t so bad, he thinks. At least when he’s down there, he remembers what he is: a prisoner. Not a boyfriend and certainly not the ‘partner’ that Bucky had described wanting. Steve knows though, he knows his best chance at survival lies in convincing Bucky that he can be the absolute best ‘partner’ ever. Steve thinks he can pretend well enough, maybe even for long enough.

He’s just worried about how much of himself he’s going to lose along the way.

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[seluneclerics]

Omg just binge read the five existing chapters of more the fool me and brooooo

Like I just sat my self down and didn’t get up until I finished and I’m so desperate for more!!!

The way you write the characters feels so authentic, even though their relationships develop fairly quick - it doesn’t feel rushed and makes complete sense!

You write Miranda so well, I’ve always in my head saw her as almost adjacent to characters like Narcissa Malfoy, Regina from Ouat etc

They have a cold, detached air around them but they’re fuelled by this addictive passion and commitment to their loved ones that they’re practically clinical about, like they’re not here to play and you get that across so well with Miranda.

I don’t usually read x readers and if I do, I don’t read OC ones but I enjoyed this thoroughly. I might be a little bias because I look a bit like Fraser - brown skin, long, black curls barring the fact that she’s 5’9 and I’m 5’4 at the best of times - but it comes down to how universal you write her.

The name Fraser doesn’t feel like it carries too much connotations like a name like mf Amy or Charlotte which are wayyy to western for a non-white person to easily relate to and her personality is so relatable. And big plus she’s not super annoying so

But your writing is amazing - the way you write intimacy without it being sexual is divine, how the characters look at each other fondly or appreciate the others mind or oh! oh! How you slip in Fraser’s knowledge about them to emphasise how well she knows them! Like how she knew it was Alcina because of her height when she was passed out or how she’s aware that Miranda was coming to yell at her on the balcony! The way she holds Miranda’s face and how Alcina plays piano to her, how Fraser easily makes Mira, Alcina, and soon Donna I’m guessing feel less lonely.

I don’t know, I just live for good sapphic yearning and pining and it’s so nice to see that there’s still a plot - which omg I can’t wait to see where that goes - and it isn’t all easy. Fraser may feel some attachment to Alcina and Miranda but she’s still willing to go behind their backs to search for her father - like trying to sneak into that storage room. She gets close with them but not without her own agenda. The tender, heady back and forth with Fraser and the Lords/Mira is so perfectly countered by the far more gritty landscape and setting, the depictions of the violent, grotesque nature of the corpses and flesh, of the worms and the far less idealistic village and it’s history. You stay true to the grit of RE8 and I’m here for it, I hate when a wlw story or any queer story is all fluffy or all angsty like there needs to be balance and you got it.

Alcina has to hold herself back, she feels uncomfortable knowing about Miranda’s closeness with Fraser or vice versa, Miranda letting Fraser into her vulnerable parts despite how perturbed she is and Fraser not being a dick head that has no common sense but still makes mistakes.

The pacing is great, you have pretty neat prose and I am so interested! Keep up the really awesome work!

- from a dedicate fan now <3

holy shit, i’m???

thank you so much for taking time out of your day to read about the little evil gay women in my phone. thank you even more for making such a detailed comment, really it means the world to me—and also shocks me???

the representation of fraser being a black/mixed black woman was incredibly important to me. the RE community in general has a lack of rep for women of color, likely due to the games themselves not having too many woc in general.

i’m so glad you like my miranda characterization! in this fic, i wanted to lean heavily into what it’s like to be a grieving mother. outside of the vengeful, scornful side of miranda we see inside of RE8. of course, her rage and schemes are still very present in more the fool, but i wanted the aspect of dealing with the grief of losing someone to take center stage.

i think the beauty of miranda/fraser’s dynamic is that fraser exists within miranda’s grief, rather than trying to do away with it or fill the hole that’s left in her heart. she knows she can’t assuage her loneliness and she doesn’t want to. she simply wants to be with her through it all, and i think that’s the beautiful thing about them.

outside of the who-done-it nature of more the fool’s overarching story, i think it’s a story of what it’s like to go to the ends of the earth for a person, solely because you love them and would do anything to see you two reunited.

fun fact: fraser’s name means “of the forest men” and strawberry! the truth is, i got so attached to it when i was trying to come up with a name for her, but then realized it was a boy’s name. i thought it’d be funny for her lore to add in the fact that her father knew it was a boy’s name, but kept it anyway because he liked it so much. besides, i think we can all say it fits her better!

there’s so much more i want to say, but tumblr has deleted this on me like 4 other times already, so i’ll end it there. thank you again, and i look forward to giving you more to read soon!!

[spideyladman]

Came up with an IF AU a long time ago, decided to share teehee :3€

(Good heavens my art style for Calvin and Art Teacher has changed over some months, I drew this back in June lmfao-)

Basically this is an AU based off the movie "Just Like Heaven" where I take the main idea, and get rid of the weird stuff and the subplot that barely even connects to the main plot and give it new life-

(More info under cut!!!)

Calvin gets hit by an imaginary friend Truck-Kun and starts staying around as a ghost while he's in a coma, haunting Bee's grandma's place because he expects for Bee to come back, and she does, and expects her to see him, but she sees Art Teacher first going down the stairs because he went to the building to help Blossom with some things.

Everyone at the retirement home thinks that Art Teacher is now a replacement for Calvin, which freaks him out, and he starts getting angry at Art Teacher

(ps. Calvin and Art Teacher haven't met before the truck incident; they were going to meet but then it happened. And the incident happened a few days after Calvin decided to go to the home after the funeral of Bee and (technically) his mum's so he's still in the early stages of the grieving process and starts freaking out over the replacement thing because he has seen before in shows and movies that that happens, and right now he thinks everybody is ignoring him, because he doesn't know that he's in a coma)

Art Teacher tries calming him down and wonders who he even is, considering he reappears and dissappears for some reason. He asks Bee if she could look for something related to this "ghost," and she decides to go through her old stuff. She wonders who this "Calvin" in her drawing is but dismisses it, and decides to go to the hospital for her dad.

Art Teacher decides to stay back and try to reason with Calvin and asks what his name even is, and Calvin starts stammering but then sees the drawing and says that he's Calvin. Art Teacher soon realises that he's got amnesia and now is trying to look for clues over what is going on alongside him, cue wacky shenanigans, a momentary possession, Bee dealing with grief alongside Calvin with the help of Art Teacher, and Sunny being high-

Also there is a slow burn subplot between Calvin and Art Teacher and Calvin starts learning about his "ghost"-like powers, and, welp

They gay :]

[multidimensional-trashcan]

hamlet but i haven't seen it (yet)

there's this guy named hamlet who's the prince of denmark

somethings foul in the state of denmark or something

hamlet's dad, the king, got killed before the play and hamlet suspects his uncle claudius (is that his name?)

claudius marries hamlet's mother and is now king (bit weird but okay)

hamlet doesnt like that

the ghost of hamlet's father appears to hamlet and tells him to kill his uncle in revenge

hamlet the master of indecisiveness™

to be or not to be

thats like about whether to act or not i think

hamlet is a college student so actually quite young (i think boy started to go to college at age 14 and hamlets probably around 16 but nobody's sure)

a phrase stuck in my brain is "hamlet the frat boy" but im pretty sure he's more of a theater kid

instead of killing his uncle hamlet stages a play similar to what he thinks transpired to watch how his uncle reacts to it

the lady doth protest too much, methinks

shakepeare does love to make his protagonists spiral into insanity

i heard hamlet is a story about grief and i also heard that it's like a mirror, what you see about hamlet says more about you that hamlet himself (but dont ask me to elaborate i am realising my brain retains information i have no clue how i got)

in the end almost everyone dies because of hamlet

hamlet stabs someone through the curtain i think its the father of ophelia (polonius or smth i dunno) cause he thinks is his uncle

im not sure why his uncle should be behind a curtain tho

hamlet randomly gets kidnapped by pirates but we never see it because shakespeare already new how expensive special effects are

i bet the pirates let hamlet go because he's a little bitch

hamlet is A LITTLE BITCH

i think in one scene he just tries to fluster ophelia (his not-quite-girlfriend) by turning everything she says into sexual innuendo (may i lay my head in your lap so on so on)

there's one scene with a grave digger whom hamlet asks for whom the grave is the man is digging and the man responds it is his own to which hamlet answers something along the lines of

one would thinks so for thou dost lie in it

great pun

ophelia actually manages to drown in a brook which is characterised by it's shallowness

its unclear whether she did it intentionally

there are some guys named rosencrantz und guildenstern (probably didnt spell that right) and i know nothing about them except that they die because of hamlet and for some reason they always get mentioned together which makes me think they are an item

many people die because of hamlet

also there's a skull

is that yorrick?

hamlet talks to it

david tennant got the role of hamlet because he randomly picked up a real human skull

hamlet dies (big surprise!)

there's a duel? and one of the sword's is poisoned and hamlet picks up the wrong one? is that with laertes? i know he dies, too

also there's horatio, everybody seems to like him so i tried to not mention him for as long as possible to annoy them (not really i just dont know much about him)

people think hes gay for hamlet

hes not nobility but wellspoken

something something sweet prince?

horatio does not die

he lives to tell the tale

which is somehow worse

while i know (claudius?) hamlet's uncle dies and thats kinda the point of hamlet's whole actions i do not actually know when or how he dies (but i know about the curtain stabbing, the brook and the duel, weird)

or is he the one in the duel?

i bet hamlet's mother dies too

i also dont know how hamlet dies, something with the duel and the poisoned sword i guess, i know he picked up the wrong sword but im not sure if the wrong one was that with poison or not

WHAT DOES THE PIRATE KIDNAPPING HAVE TO DO WITH EVERYTHING?

AND WAS HE REALLY SIXTEEN?

i am very confused about how much there is in my brain about the guy

i do think there must be more to horatio except 'gay for hamlet' but i dont know anything

rosencrantz und guildenstern sound like a comic relief duo who dont know what they're doing

something about mother and knowing about playing with her drapes... (is that from hamlet?)

im sure this is enough for now

please do tell me how wrong i am

also tell me if you know why i seem to know so much about this (even if it's not true)

yes, this was inspired by @weirdly-specific-but-ok 's good omens post and @hello-ello-ello 's post about macbeth

[cressthebest]

Crimson Rivers thoughts pt. 22

chapter 38:

1. “"Right, so, your stylist?" Marlene asks, settling in as they continue to sway. "The one who looks like a fucking goddess? Yeah, so get this, she says we're friends…"”

james and marlene gossip sesh <3333333

2. 😧 MCGONNAGAL??????????

3. wait i think mcgonnagal is good. i’m pretty sure she’s from the phoenix. i’m not sure. i’m hopeful. i’m so hopeful

4. aww huey is kinda sweet. i like that’s he’s reg’s breath of fresh air when it comes to talking to the hallows

5. reg, i understand your anger, but please don’t make one of the only good sponsors feel bad

6. jealous james >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

7. “"I like your tea," James offers. "Maybe I'm biased, but it tastes better than anyone else's. What do you do to it?"

Regulus hums and lightly says, "I spit in it."

Without missing a beat, James replies, "Ah, that explains it."”

😭😭😭😭😭

8. “"Would you—" Regulus chokes on another relentless giggle, gasping a little. "Wait, would you actually drink my tea if I spit in it, James?"

"Love, I would let you spit directly into my mouth," James announces with absolutely no shame in his tone whatsoever.”

😭😭😭😭 james i love you

9. awww i love that barty is the most consistent part of reg’s life. i love barty

10. 😬 riddle is unconvinced in their love story. i- yikes

11. okay, right, mcgonnagal is good. thank god

12. dorcas wants to keep marlene out of the war, but only one of them has had a pov so far, so i’m not hopeful

13. oh shit marlene sounds hot

14. also, to add in, i’m so fucking glad there’s like no homophobia (that we know of) in this world

15. i do NOT want dorlene to be a tragedy in this universe

16. 😟 she gave back the ring. AHHHH

17. oh no. shit shit shit shit shit what did riddle do

18. “Riddle didn't even grant the liberty of leaving bodies behind for them to bury.” 😟😧

(but also, orion and walburga were dicks, so like, i’m not sad, just scared)

chapter 39:

1. aww regulus finally invites james in for tea

2. “On the day he accidentally kills a bee while tending to his flowers, he goes through the five stages of grief in less than an hour, which has nothing to do with the bee and everything to do with Vanity.” STOP! THE VANITY MENTION HURTS TOO MUCH

3. “When Regulus wants more time with him, he adds bagels, which James has now unconsciously been Pavloved into thinking of as his favorite food for that very reason.” STOP THATS SO GAY

4. sirius being dramatic about james and reg liking each other is TOP TIER in this fic, in the most realistic, aggravated, obnoxious, and completely loving way

5. BWAHAHAHHAHA JAMES GETTING A PIGGY BACK RIDE FROM SIRIUS IS GOLD

6. oh shit, (i’m not the best comprehensive reader, but i should have figured this out sooner), but from sirius’ perspective, he has to do the back and forth with remus his whole life. he doesn’t have the knowledge that i do, that a war is coming and they’ll finally get a chance to live together. he thinks he only gets to see remus once a year for two weeks at a time. this- this shit is heartbreaking yall

7. “”I watched him stand to his feet and tip himself into a river of blood in an act so tender that I'll never again be able to look at him with anything less than pure love. Every other member of the Black family, including you, fought and clawed their way home to their family, oftentimes to a family that never truly made them feel loved at all. Regulus? He fought and clawed through that arena, the entire time, for James. He's far more gentle than anyone gives him credit for."”

y’all, i’m crying over this. this is so lovely. effie is right, and i’m crying over how right she is

8. 😒 i know what’s coming. riddles a bitch. a right bitch. he’s gonna announce that previous victors are competing and i’m PISSED

9. so far, all three potters offered reggie food. they’re so hospitable, i love them

10. “He hasn't forgotten what it is to long for James. He still knows what it is to want him so badly that he'd be willing to kneel at the altar of James Potter and beg; he'd drop down on his hands and knees and crawl if that's what it took, if that would prove his devotion. He is the manifestation of longing built up with nowhere to go, and he craves, he yearns, he covets.”

both of them are so down bad

11. omg reg is so horny. his inner monologue is literally only like “”””“rip my clothes off please, read my mind and rip my clothes off”””””

12.AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH I KNEW IT WAS COMING! BUT IM SO MAD!!! FUCK RIDDLE

13. effie is a queen. she is a godsend. and i’m so upset right now

14. not effie making them promise not to volunteer, and immediately james and sirius arguing over who’s gonna volunteer for her

15. i’m seething. i’m pissed beyond belief. i’m so angry it’s indescribable. my babies are going back into that arena. honestly, fuck riddle

[imkazz]

Rent?! No one ever talks about rent. Tell me rent things.

AUGHHHH RENT!!!!

i went to watch it at the stratford festival like three days ago!!!

(press for better quality)

I LOVE RENT! FROM SO MANY PERSPECTIVES! IT TALKS ABOUT THE AIDS CRISIS AND TRANS PEOPLE AND GAY PEOPLE AND DEATH AND GRIEF AND HOMELESSNESS AND SO MANY IMPORTANT TOPICS IN JUST ONE MUSICAL

keep reading if you want to see my theatre nerd side, i basically swoon over set design, backstage, lights, model choices, etc.

AS SOMEONE WHO LOVES THEATRE PRODUCTION A LOT MORE THAN ACTING, THE STAGE THEY USED TO CONVEY THIS MUSICAL HAS SO MUCH AS WELL!

LIGHTS, SOUND, PROPS AND MANAGEMENT OF SPACE WENT SO WELL AT THE FESTIVAL THEATRE!

its something called a thrust stage at the festival theatre, which is different than your usual type of stage, aka the proscenium stage. the thrust stage thrusts to the centre of the room, making it so that you can watch the play from all angles, and not specifically need to get centre, front row seats. you can see with the second photo below that even the people at the edge get an interesting perspective.

the actors and designers also have a fun time with thrust stages! you have to act with your entire body, as all pov seats can watch you, and designers have to be careful about props and use space wisely, especially since its a much smaller space than your usual, and theres no curtains meaning that scene changes have to be imaginative as well.

as you can see with the photo i took, i did in fact get centre front seats, only because a huge tour group backed out last seconds and my mom was able to snag the tickets.

(i actually watched it twice! first time at the festival was with the theatre group where i was looking at all the lights and cues and analyzing shit, but second time was bc my siblings wanted to watch it live and i could sit back and enjoy the show, looking at some things i wanted to rewatch that other campers had talked about that i missed (the first photo i took of the stage is from camp, on the balcony, while the second is the most recent and from in front of the stage))

from theatre camp, i also got the absolute privlage to get a tour of the festival theatre, and watch a changeover. since the festival theatre goes through multiple plays a day (richard III for a matinee, rent as a night show just as an example) they change the entire set.

i dont care about shakespeare, so were here to talk about the changeover to rent. they expanded the stage and made it much denser material, since people will be dancing on it, and changed the sudden drop to stairs, so the actors wouldnt trip on stage or while dancing. they also added that small platform to the centre of the stage, and did so much with it!

at first, that small platform was used as mark and rogers apartment, and there were metaphorical walls that everyone could see. even though collins was standing RIGHT NEXT TO THEM, he wasnt on the platform and was looking upwards, while mark was looking downwards, signalling they were on different floors.

for the 'la vie boheme' dance scene, they used it as a huge table to seat all the people around it, on the ground. they simly laid a cloth on the edges to make it a table, and the audience could take it as a table.

there was also a trapdoor in the centre of that thing, so for one musical number involving rogers and mimi, they were brought up, being the centre of attention while everyone else danced around them. it also became a small table for one scene.

the next thing the trapdoor did. it went down under the stage, where angel would climb onto it, and 'today 4 u' song, she rose out onto the stage in a puff of smoke and a badass christmas fit!!! so cool!

trapdoor was then used as a makeshift bed for angel, where collins helped her lie as she died of aids. they covered her with a huge cloth, which each of the group threw in and yelled 'im done!' and walked away, leaving collins still clutching it with angel underneath, the trapdoor going inwards as her grave.

let me tell you. they transitioned so well. the trapdoor went back into the trap room, where collins would also let go of the cloth and got it to sink into the hole. id assume the actor got out, the people down there would take the cloth, and while everyone on stage was doing the funeral scene, the people down there would put angels bucket with a bouquet inside and place it on the trapdoor.

theyd then let the trap back up onto stage, replacing the cloth and angel with her bucket and a bouquet in it. that made me sob the first time i saw it. holy shit.

now, away from the sad stuff and back to set design.

if you look at the photo, you can see windows in the backgrounds. they look like normal windows, until you look closer to see silhouettes in them. men and woman.

those were used A LOT to convey the scene. i cant remember the orders, but the main examples that stuck out to me:

for the 'tango maureen', the windows lit up red and you could see the people a lot better, which implies all the people shes slept with/cheated with

when they got together for the aids meeting, the windows lit up in rainbow colours to signify all the people who suffer to aids and the general lgbtq colours

when they were talking about homeless people with benny, the lights shone in different cold hues, showing all the people in tent city and how they must be freezing in the winter

'rent' the song, the windows were flashing with the song, and when the power got cut, all the lights went out except a faint blue from the lights above so the audience could still somewhat see what was happening

sound. all the cast used mics, id guess that the chorus would trade mics based on who had huge lines. before it started, you could hear general city sounds, cars, beeping, general business that you would get from new york that i found a bit cool. i think you can tell im not that passionate about sound.

alright, what else? costumes. costumes, costumes. I LOVED ANGELS FITS. HOLY FUCK, HER NEW YEARS EVE DRESS WAS SORTA TRANSPARENT BUT HAD A RAINBOW SHIMMER TO IT?! I LOVED IT SO MUCHHHHH AAAAAAAAA other than that i have little to no things about costumes... they were all wearing basic fits that were usual for the 80's, all sorts of hip-hop, t-shirts, jeans, your usual.

found some from the web! first photo is that outfit i scream about up there, and the second is her coming out of the trapdoor for 'today 4 u'!!!

okok now actors... I MET THE GUY WHO PLAYED COLLINS FOR THIS SEASON AT THE FESTIVAL!!! or, me and my entire theatre production camp did. we all got autographs, and got to speak to him bc we waited for everyone else to leave the theatre before we could go as a group, so all the actors had the time to change out of things and stuff. it turns out that someone he knew died of aids not too long ago, so his reaction to angel's death is pretty spot-on. he was so cool! the name's Lee Siegel if you wanted to look more into that.

last thing (i think). at the end, after an amazing scene where the cloth used on angel to lower her down the trapdoor was used to present all the little clips mark got over the year they all had together, angel came out of the centre door draped in this blanket, which all the cast would lay onto the stage.

and everything would go to applause.

in all, rent is amazing! <3 especially after watching tick tick boom!

(sorry for ranting i love theatre (realised i should probably save this to talk about in drama class when school starts...))