#that they are EXPLODING out of this SEVERED HAND. :)

[goldenamaranthe-blog]

Apple Seed 14: Almost There

13 Hours Into Labor

Charlie: (breathing heavily) Oh, sshhhhhhhhit!!! Contractions are getting worse! Where's that midwife????

Vaggie: She's on her way, babe. (under her breath) Or at least she better be. Your dad was supposed to call her hours ago.

Charlie: (groans into a cry of pain as another contraction hits and she crushes Vaggie's hand) Gah! Fuck! Fuck, fuck, fuck!!!

Vaggie: Hang on, babe. Just hang on. I'm going to be right back.

Charlie: (nods as sweat beads up on her head) Please, hurry back.

Vaggie: I'll be back before you know it. (kisses Charlie's hand and rushes to the door before nearly ripping it off its hinges) Lucifer! Where the fuck is that midwife?!

Lucifer: (eyes nearly pop out of his head) I FORGOT TO CALL SLOTH!!!

Vaggie: ¡Estúpido hijo de puta! You had one fucking job!

Lucifer: (fumbles his phone) I got it! I can fix this!

Lilith: (storms up to Vaggie, trying to get into the room)

Vaggie: (blocks the door) Uh, excuse you? Who the fuck do you think you are?

Lilith: I am that girl's mother. Who are you?

Vaggie: I'm her fucking WIFE, bitch! You're not going in there after being gone for several fucking years! You can wait out here!

Lilith: (shocked Pikachu face)

Lucifer: I made a call! She'll be here in a few minutes!

Vaggie: Good! Alastor, do something productive and get a container of cold water to help cool Charlie down!

-Hotel Door Practically Explodes Open-

Vaggie: What the fuck?! (looks over the railing) CARMINE?!?!

Carmilla: (struts in and up the stairs) Stop shouting, girl. Why are you surprised? Your father-in-law called me.

Vaggie: (glares at Lucifer)

Lucifer: (checks his call history) Oh.... I did.... shit..... I thought that was Sloth.... I'm TIRED, okay?!?!

Rosie: (tip-taps in) Hello, everyone!

Vaggie: ROSIE!!!!! Lucifer! Did you call her, too?!?!

Alastor: (holding a bucket of water) No, that was me. (tries to go into the room)

Lucifer: WHOA!!!! (blocks the door) What the FUCK do you think you're doing?

Alastor: I'm bringing Charlie her cold water. I think if anyone should be going into a blood bath, the prior serial killer overlord and father figure should be the one to do it.

Lucifer: YOU aren't going ANYWHERE near MY baby girl when she's at her most vulnerable!!!

Alastor: Hmmm.... (shadow phases along the floor and into the room)

Lucifer: SON OF A BITCH!!!!

Alastor: Charlie, dear! I've brought you some co- (sees Charlie laying on top of a mound of linens and towels with her legs hiked up, knees bent, and her lower half on full, bloody display)

Charlie: (panting, looks to the door, and her demonic features spring to attention) ALASTOR?!?!?! GET THE FUCK OUT!!!

Alastor: (faints and falls backwards out the door)

Lucifer: HA!!! TAKE THAT, ASSHOLE!!!

Rosie: Oh, my stars! Alastor! (drags Alastor out of the room and sets him up to recover on the floor, fanning his face with a kerchief) Alastor, Alastor, wake up. Deep breaths, dear.

Angel: Ha! Smiles is so pussy averted that even when he spots one in labor he can't stomach it.

Carmilla: ....... (steps over Alastor's body and walks calmly to the bedroom) How far apart are the Princess's contractions?

Vaggie: They're coming about every five or six minutes and last about fifty seconds each. (follows Carmilla into the room) Do we need to worry about pushing yet?

Charlie: (gets wracked with another contraction and growls demonically into an ear splitting shriek) VAAGGGGIIIIIEEEE!!!!!

Carmilla: I believe that should answer your question.

[colourstreakgryffin]

Hihi can you do Angel Dust x Garnet-like reader from Steven Universe? I’d love to see what kind of relationship they’d have :)

To be honest… I can… kinda see this! Like. It’s not that bad! I like it! Tough, calm but caring partner with their goofy obnoxious flirty spider boyfriend~! Let’s give Angel lots and lots of love!

Angel Dust- Made of Love

Almost nobody ever suspected Angel Dust himself to get into a romantic relationship with somebody. He’s a adult film star, swinging from partner to partner every single day and supposedly keeping up his promiscuity, outside of his line of work but here is, holding his hot big partner by their waist as they smile down serenely at him

Angel Dust views you as his mighty knight. You show up, kick ass, then carry him away into the Hell sunset with only a few words of love dished out. So, of course. He plays the damsel in distress to get his champion to protect him and he really enjoys the affection you rain on him

Angel Dust always confides to you about his work problems and you exchange honest but yet somewhat brutal advice to him. Even if you’re a bit blunt and straightforward, you’re still loving and you apologise if you hurt his feelings

Angel Dust is the direct opposite of you; you’re pragmatic, equable, mellow, act on intuition whilst he runs on jokes, he is sarcastic, brash, confident, playful. He isn’t as annoyed with your personality being so opposing, in-fact, he really likes it since you help ground him

Angel Dust is needy and loves attention so you need to be touching him every single minute. He’ll hop into your bigger lap and kick his legs back so you’ll look down at him. He loves snuggling your big chest, feel your soft but muscular body, he loves it when you give him some compliments. He loves it when you even look at him

Angel Dust admires you like an idol and he’s a mad fanboy. You’re so steady and controlled but you have a fierce competitive spirit and it makes you look even hotter to him. He can’t help but just howl with pleasure at seeing you slam down your competition and smile gently as you offer him the competition trophy you won

Angel Dust keeps up his reputation as the flirty sexy confident hot babe but in reality, he dislikes his job even more now since he has to sleep with others when he wants to cuddle you in bed. He always apologises for every single shift he has to attend and proclaims how much he loves you… but he knows you trust him and will never make a issue about anything he does

Angel Dust will happily cook for you, teach you how to cook specific Italian dishes he was taught and perfected, and loves to chat with you whilst you both eat and feed Fat Nuggets. It’s such a wonderful calm precious night and it’s every night for you two. Having dinner on bed with a movie playing, Fat Nuggets cuddled up and you two just enjoying each other’s presence

Angel Dust legit relies on you for safety and since, even as a ordinary sinner, you’re built with strength and the ability to stay practical under all situations so you can and will beat up Valentino mercilessly for assaulting your boyfriend. This is one of the only times will your temper will break and violence is the answer to fix the issue

Angel Dust is the type of boyfriend to be extremely flip-floppy, depending on his mood and who he is with. Being that he goes from his crude, crass self when around others and when grumpy, and then immediately melts into a loving and happy figure when he sees you and/or when you help comfort him. He’s exploding with his love for you and he doesn’t regret it

Angel Dust loves to dress you up. He has a sharp stylish streak and he wants you to look even more beautiful so he’ll take you shopping then come back with several shopping bags, with Cherri Bomb adjusting your new outfit and with you holding two of his four hands effortlessly

Angel Dust acts pervy a lot and will playfully cup your ass or fondle your chest or trace your big hips and waist. He does this for both his reputation and because he likes what he sees. Angel only genuinely wants to play with you 1/3 of the time. Yeah, the adult film star isn’t as horny as he comes off as

Size difference go brrrr~! Even you are taller than him! Yes! You’re taller than him and you’re bigger than him… but he’s into that

“Garnet-pop! I’m home! I missed you so much! Did you miss me? Oh. I had a alright day but just seeing you makes everything better— Hey! Can we cuddle on the couch with Fat Nuggets? Pleeeasseeee~?”

[mayathexpsychic]

here is a new/old drawing!! its a rework of a piece i did last year for the fall out boy seasons zine. i liked the concept a lot but i thought the composition could be improved a little so i redrew it and im super happy with how it turned out :) !!!!

[koobiie]

fanart for what may be my favorite fic of all time, Running Behind by @asidian! here's prompto enjoying all the foods from the fic beacuse he deserves it <3

[steakout-05]

ok as an artist i personally find traditional painting to be. really really annoying. like. i do not have the patience for it and i just find it to be really frustrating to set up and actually do and i end up not liking the results. i find that there's little room for mistakes and trying to fix them usually ends up with me making 50 other ones, paints can be so inconsistent and having to rely on availability and certain brands to continue making the paint is really inconvenient, not to mention expensive. spending a bunch of time trying to mix the right shade of paint, only for it to go down a completely different shade of colour and not being able to do anything about it is so frustrating as someone who likes consistency and having things just, y'know, not change colour as soon as it dries. plus, they all use different chemicals and can go off really easily or change textures and i am just not ok with having all my materials having an expiration date like food. lead and graphite pencils just don't do that and they can last for years, they're more reliable. every paint is drastically different and trying to find the right one is not only time consuming but, again, expensive, and i don't even see the point in experimenting when most of my materials end up not even getting used if i don't like using them. plus, i'm just.... really impatient. waiting for paint to dry sucks and is why i much prefer digital or just drawing something because i don't need to wait for anything, it just works. and then when i do want to take my time and work slowly for a better result, it dries too fast. it's kinda hellish trying to balance that time, especially considering how inconsistent paints are.

i like to use guidelines when doing art and i find painting straight onto a canvas to be really tricky because there's a lack of direction for me to actually paint. i'm at a complete loss at what to do when i pick up a brush because i can't map it out first without risking screwing up the paint. there's just so many things to keep track of and so much wet paint to avoid and i just do not have the mind for it. putting colours on a canvas and praying that it works just isn't it for me and requires a discipline that i just don't wanna involve myself with. painting is also just like... really exhausting and kinda painful. i got some pretty bad back issues and my arms tire and get sore easily and quickly when i'm standing in front of a canvas. it's a really physical activity for me and i just don't find something to be very fun to do at all when it's physically hurting me. i know drawing on a canvas has this issue too, which is why i prefer sketchbooks. sitting down and drawing something that doesn't break my entire spine every time i do it is much more preferrable than questioning if i should go to the doctor every time i make a brushstroke, lol

that's not to say that there's nothing i like about painting though! i can paint simple little things, and i like doing that. i like mixing colours with a palette knife and i find it fun and even a little relaxing. i painted some cute little chibi cardboard cutouts of the mario brothers one time and i found that to be really fun and i think i'd like to do that again! but apart from that, i just do not have the patience for it. i love the look of traditional paintings and i find many to be really beautiful, but i could never get into actually doing it myself because i hate the process. i'm content with just sketching and doing digital stuff because that's more fun to me and less stressful of a process to do. it's fun, it allows for more mistakes, it's easier to build up layers of shading and lines, not to mention using building up a figure with guidelines is super helpful with visualising what i want it to look like, and i can just erase something if i don't want it there or want to change something. it just makes sense to me.

tl;dr i dont like painting because it's inconsistent, expensive, time-consuming, directionless, frustrating and it makes my back hurt really bad. i'll just stick to drawing stuff :)

[hrokkall]

Actually fuck it, contributing to the ‘how does Po3’s body work’ conversation. Ik you said you dont care to explain how he floats around, but I’ve been seeing it as almost like. Yknow how 2 magnets, when facing the same ends, repel each other? It’s kinda like that. Po3 basically repels himself from the floor. He can float higher up, but it’s more difficult for him to do and he can’t do it for as long, and he can float lower if he needs an easier time moving around. And then he just shuts it off to sit down on a surface. I’ve been mentally referring to it as his anti-gravity system for some reason, too. Anyways stairs are a pain in the ass and THAT is why he hates Magnificus /j

I was initially thinking something like that too, but then I kind of realized “that would probably only work in the factory where there would be a magnetic surface to repel himself from” (which is obviously not the case in canon—it makes a trip halfway across the map just to rub Leshy’s defeat in his face, and it’s seen hovering in front of the middle island stones during its finale battle in act 2 as well). Another option is that it’s a jet-propulsion type of thing but seeing as P03 is able to move around more or less silently that’s out of the question. Neither one of these would give the “hover” blue ring visual effect that P03 has.

But with video game logic either one of these could very well be the answer, same goes with just about any other option—if I ever end up writing something on this it’s honestly probably something that will be chalked up to “it’s very advanced/it just kind of works” (the same way that Leshy’s telekinetic speech “just works”, Magnificus’s eyes don’t decay despite being gouged out and locked in a box, and Grimora’s whole haphazard thread-and-needle restitching of heavy body parts is enough to keep them on). Still fun to speculate but my point is I don’t think there would be an actual working real-life equivalent answer for this one like there would for some of its other features </3

[theinfinitedivides]

Rishi bestest boi 🥺😔

[slttygeto]

tags: pure filth, fem! reader, established relationship, use of a vibrator, squirting, dirty talk.

word count: 1k

sex with suguru could only be described as unpredictable. sure, you were able to detect hints of lust thrown your way by the tall man, thick and rough pads of his fingers skimming over your smooth skin underneath your shirt as he passes behind you, hands gripping your sides and squeezing. your body reacts to his teasing and it’s easy to follow him to the bedroom. he feels in control, likes that sweet words and soft touches can make you end up on top of him, riding his dick like the sweet girl that you are.

however, when the two of you are…excessively needier than usual, sex can turn into something sort of animalistic. the carnal desire to devour one another, bring as many orgasms out of each other and the sounds—the sounds should embarrass both of you.

suguru doesn’t consider himself to be extremely vocal. he groans, moans and shows his appreciation for your ministration on his body but right now—his mouth won’t stop.

“yeah baby, yeaaah,” his words are straight up filth as he presses the vibrator to your clit. his pace is unforgiving, strong hips driving into yours with the force of a predator hunting. your hands are on the headboard, trying to protect your head from the contact but it’s all hazy.

“suguru!” you cry out, eyes staring down at where your boyfriend is pressing the pink vibrator against your clit. your legs try to close from the overstimulation, but a strong hand keeps them open and your head turns to the side with a loud cry.

“keep em open for me, fuck—don’t run away from it, I know you want it.”

your hand grips at the pillow beneath you whilst the other makes a failed attempt at gripping suguru’s forearm. choked sobs and whines are the only sounds you can manage as he starts rubbing the vibrator over your clit, your thighs shaking and twitching at the unbearable yet delicious stimulation.

“yeah? pussy wants a fat cock ruining her and a vibrator, a lil greedy, don’t ya think?”

as he says that, his free comes to your stomach and traces the skin with his thumb, very gentle at first and your brain feels like mush at the contrast between his brutal fucking, the vibrator and his gentle touch. but you should’ve known that suguru is the type to softly lead you into his territory, only to jump you the moment he notices that you let your guards down.

the hand on your stomach presses down and you hear several clicks on the pink device, and when your body jolts up—you realize that he set the level higher.

the gasp that escapes your body sounds inhuman, and your body tries to run away from suguru despite being caged between his strong thighs. he is fucking you with a purpose, needing to prove something—he towers over you and presses his forehead against yours.

“look at me, come on baby look up—theere she is,” he grins at your fucked out expression, half lidded eyes glossed over with tears that had already fallen a couple of minutes ago. “feels good, huh? should’ve done this sooner,” he leans down and kisses your pulse and then travels back up to your cheek and finally your ear.

when he starts fucking you at a different angle, your hands fly down to his hips and your nails dig into his skin. you can’t talk, you don’t trust yourself with words now—but suguru always thought you were like an open book to him. especially when naked and vulnerable beneath him.

“oh here?”

“fuck! fuck fuck fuck—“ you choke out a sob. “suguru—oh baby, I’m close, I’m so so close,” you’re blabbering, barely breathing and suguru’s self control is slowly dissipating. up until this point, he’s been able to control himself and not explode inside you. your cunt was squeezing him deliciously, your cries, the way you said his name or how you held onto him—suguru needed to cum inside you.

“yeah you are,” he breathes out, any hint of playfulness overshadowed by the sudden lust washing over him. his orgasm crept up on him fast, and he needed to make sure you fell over the edge first. “come on, I know you can cum for me,” he says while rubbing the vibrator over your clit.

when you finally cum, the added pressure of his hand on your stomach makes something snap in your stomach and you feel wet. you don’t have time to register, everything is like white noise for a while before your brain leisurely takes control again. your breathing slows down, yet your hands hold onto suguru’s shoulders as he throws the vibrator somewhere in the corner of your bedroom to grab onto your hips properly.

his eyebrows are pinched, a sheen layer of sweat coating his forehead as his bangs stick to the skin. he looks magical, even more so when you start to fuck up into him, help him reach his own orgasm.

“fuck baby—“

“mmm sugu,” you whine at how his dick keeps abusing that one spot inside you. “cum baby, please,” your arms wrap around his neck to pull him down into a hug. “fill me up, I want all of it,”

when being the one talked dirty to, suguru malfunctions. his brain short circuits and his body seizes up as he drops his head on your shoulder. he empties himself inside you with a few more stuttered thrusts, thick and hot ropes of cum serving as the reward of his hard and incessant fucking.

running your fingers through his hair, both of you take the time to catch your breath, enjoy the intimacy and the nakedness of it all. moments like these are precious, suguru’s body nuzzles against yours like a cat trying to live in your skin— and you giggle when his nose nuzzles against your pulse.

“ya liked the vibrator?” he mumbles against your skin.

“oh fuck—“ the realization hits you that were all messy from squirting on him. “I…came messy,” the shyness that washes over you, preventing you from saying “squirt” makes suguru laugh into your neck.

“you mean you squirted?”

“not the point!”

note: another self indulgent piece. will i ever stop? no.

2023: all works belong to @ slttygeto. do not repost my works on any other platofrm.

[absolutely-esme]

Amity Park is different

Amity Park has a local superhero.

He's great. He works hard to protect his town. That said, Amity's local hero is a teenager. The people he relies on to help and support him are teenagers. The town's superhero defense is a handful of kids figuring things out on their own.

They do good, but sometimes the people of Amity have to be prepared to lend a hand or hold their own for a bit. That's just how life is under these conditions. Communities come together and support each other. It's fine. People adapt. Life goes on. They're really doing quite well.

A class from Amity Park visits a museum in Gotham on a field trip. They get caught in an unfortunately timed Scarecrow attack.

Scarecrow should have known better than to activate the fight or flight responses of a group of Amity Parkers.

The gas canister drops and discharges. The field trip group explodes into action.

A pair of Football players quickly overturns a table and use it as a shield as they charge the goons with the most firepower. Cheerleaders toss each other into the air for aerial attacks. Nerds turn objects from a nearby Janitor closet into a surprisingly effective trebuchet with astounding speed. One girl utilizes impressive martial arts skills.

A boy with Black hair and blue eyes flits about the battlefield pilfering and disassembling weapons with a shocking degree of efficiency as a Goth girl follows him around and bludgeon anyone who attempts to make a grab for him with a stand that had been holding up a rope barrier, and a boy in a beret lays down cover fire by launching pencils out of a makeshift bow formed from a binder and rubber bands with a startling degree of accuracy.

The teacher flits around pulling kids out of the path of attacks they hadn't seen, stowing any injured behind cover, and giving foes solid thwack on the noggin when the opportunity arises. He actually ends up knocking out Scarecrow himself.

The statement "We're not trapped in here with you. You're trapped in here with us," is repeated several times by different people.

When the Bats or police arrive, they have to carefully pull the feildtrip group off of the unfortunate rogues.

It takes a while to get the antidotes administered, but they do eventually manage. The class remains in defensive formation the whole time.

When the kids finally calm down enough to give statements, they mostly just say that Scarecrow gets what he gets for deliberately activating Amity Parkers' fight or flight responses. After the antidotes take effect, the class seems unfazed and goes about their business as soon as the authorities allow.

Some other visitors to the museum upload videos of the event online with titles like "the one class that was prepared for a field trip to Gotham" and "What kind of place is Amity Park, and why haven't I heard of it before?"

It doesn't take long for people to edit the videos to set the fight to music. Popular song choices include Ballroom Blitz, Bring 'em Out by Hawk Nelson, and the "we like to party" song from the six flags commercial.

Now the Bats are investigating Amity Park (and why they haven't heard of it before).

[zylev-blog]

Jazz was minding her own buisness when Joker led Batman down the street she was walking down. The group of Gothamites around her started to scatter immediately, but there was chaos and confusion about which way to go. Joker used this chaos to his advantage and pulled out a grenade.

“You can catch me, or you can save them. Make your choice, Batsy!” Joker cackled as he pulled the pin on the grenade and threw it into the crowd of civilians.

Batman lunged for the grenade, but Jazz was closer. She didn’t know what motivated her to grab the grenade in her hands, but she scooped it up and clamped her fingers around it just as it exploded.

“No!” Batman grunted.

Luckily for Jazz and the crowd, the explosion was contained in her hands and nobody was harmed. Unluckily for Jazz, both Joker and Batman were now staring at her.

“I can explain.” She said lamely, but the silence stretched on several seconds. She had no explanation. Deciding to pull a Danny, she put the shrapnel into Batman’s hand and ran.

[falling-endlessly]

The Finer Things in Death

Alastor x Soulmate!Female!Reader

Summary: An AU where your soulmate's first words to you are tattooed on your body in their handwriting.

Oh dear, where's your smile?

You knew those words by heart. Could recite them backwards, in your sleep even. Those damning words have been inscribed on the inside of your ankle for as long as you could remember, the elegant cursive strokes poking out of your shoe line.

In theory, somewhere, someone else was supposed to be sporting your own neat, boxy handwriting. You'd say you lucked out with yours. Some soul marks were less than pleasant, and others were downright embarrassing (imagine having the words move, asshole written on your stomach for the rest of your life. No thank you).

At least your soulmate was trying to cheer you up, right?

Yeah, but there was just one teeny, tiny problem.

Your soulmate was dead. Long dead actually.

Were they stillborn? Did their toddler self die in a house fire or something? Night after night you laid awake in your bed, pondering what the hell could have possibly happened to have altered the entire course of fate.

All you really knew was that your soul mark was a light gray (indicating a severed bond) instead of the usual inky black, and it had been since the day you were born. Everyone was in shock to see the faint words on your little ankle. After all, how could a soul mark exist if the other person wasn't even alive to speak those words into existence?

Simply put, you were a conundrum, and it had been some time since you had dedicated effort into figuring out why? You'd accepted it. Your soulmate was dead. Life went on.

Besides, you'd spent enough time grieving over someone you'd never met before.

Your lifestyle was not extravagant by any means, but it was comfortable. You had a steady income, lived on your own in an apartment in the city, and survived off of more than ramen bowls. Every day you would come home and read in your little fluffy alcove that you'd built yourself by your window, or pop open a bag of chips (and the occasional bottle of wine, if you were feeling fancy) while you watched the latest crime show releases from your couch.

Yes, so comfortable was your little routine, that you didn't notice the robbery happening in the convenience store you were browsing in, or the stray bullet coming for your head until it was too late. Your skull exploded in a world of pain, eyes rolling back as your body crumpled to the ground.

Dying was an interesting experience, to say the least. Your soul floated from your body, the final notes of music that blasted from your earphones fading into nothingness like the sound of a car driving away.

There was a brief moment where you were struck numb, hovering in the air as you stared down at your glassy eyed corpse, blood pooling alarmingly from the circular shaped hole in your head. You heard screams of the other customers behind you, but they were kind of muffled, like you were underwater.

It didn't last long though, because before you knew what was happening, you felt an almighty tug downwards,  like an anchor had just chained itself to your stomach.

And that was how you ended up in hell. Fun. What were you here for? You had no idea. Maybe God got mad that your teenage self stole a few packs of gummy bears in high school. But a life of eternal damnation and suffering seemed a little harsh, didn't it?

Before you could contemplate the semantics of it though, something...strange happened. Your ankle, right where you'd tried countless times to forget your soul mark existed, was burning like a fucking brand.

You hissed sharply in pain, frantically pulling down your sock to assess the damage. Was the eternal punishment starting already or something? Shit, you had terrible pain tolerance.

But what you saw made you gasp. In fact, you could hardly believe your eyes.

Because in the place of your faded grey soul mark, the letters had been reinvigorated, darkened with a swift hand and—glowing they were glowing holy shit.

"Hah," you huffed in disbelief, shaking your head slowly. "So that was it, huh? I was destined to meet my shitty soulmate in hell this whole fucking time?" You punctuated the last words with a few angry kicks to an unassuming patch of weeds. What a cosmic joke at your existence.

But, like you always did in shitty situations, you gathered all of your raging emotions, stuffed them tightly in a box at the back of your mind, and cooled your head. Freaking out in this place would do you no good.

Turned out hell was pretty much like the world you'd left, except for the fact that you could kill someone on the street and nobody would bat an eye. Like all of the depraved aspects of humanity were on full display now in a somehow still functioning society.

You managed to snag a job at an old record store, the owner giving you one look before grunting and gesturing to the register—but not before lifting his jacket to show you the long assault riffle strapped across his chest. Yeesh, you got the message.

It wasn't a bad job by any means, especially considering where you were. Sure a little boring and monotonous, but you'd restock thousands of old albums if it meant staying away from the overlords.

Oh, yeah, another thing. Overlords were like the big shots around hell. Messing with them usually meant a death sentence, or worse, a contract.

And if there was anything at all that you picked up from all those nights of watching television, it was that you do not make deals with the devil. Really, elementary level shit. And you'd never actually seen Lucifer, mind you, but these demons were probably a close second, right?

Yeah, so really, you were just living a shittier variant of your life on earth it seemed. Repetitive, safe and comforting. You were even starting to like the scent of musty cardboard, as weird as that was.

And once again, all thoughts of your soulmate slipped your mind.

Until one day, when everything went to shit.

****

It started like this: with the sad sight of your empty fridge.

You groaned, dragging a tired hand down your face. Seriously? You thought you'd restocked already, damn it. 

Your stomach growled achingly, and you sighed, wondering if you'd actually die again if you starved yourself. Begrudgingly, you decided that you didn't really want to chance it, throwing on the first set of clothes that you saw and slipping out of your dingy apartment to make a quick grocery run.

You generally hated leaving your apartment, and didn't do so except to retrieve bare necessities or walk across the block to go to work.

Why? Well, see exhibit A to your left: some poor, random demon screeching and running around on fire. See exhibit B to your right: a turf war between two rival gangs. And finally how could you forget, cannibal colony, slurping up intestines like bloody, chunky spaghetti. Disgusting.

The worst thing about hell wasn't the fact that you were in hell, it was the fact that the worst of the worst people were all cramped together like some fucked up refugee camp, and some people were significantly worse than others. Which sucked, for the poor unfortunate souls just trying to get by. Like you.

You sighed, ducking under a stray stream of bullets (you weren't falling for that shit twice) and side stepping pools of blood and guts. Just a regular Monday morning in hell. God damn it.

It seemed luck wasn't on your side though, because an ugly, dog-headed demon blocked your path, sneering down at you smugly. "Hey bitch, it's your lucky day. The big boss is hiring, and you fit the profile."

You clenched your grocery bags in a white-knuckled grip. Nobody would give a flying fuck if you were dragged off of the street in broad daylight. "Not interested."

"Oh it wasn't a suggestion," he chuckled darkly. You tensed as you were surrounded by at least four other demons. Shit, you knew you should have slept in.

"You like apples?" You nodded sharply at the demon in charge.

His face twisted in annoyance. "Why the fuck do y—"

You reached into your bag, before hurling a granny smith straight at his forehead. He yelped as it made contact, stumbling back as he shook his head in confusion. While everyone was still in shock from your weapon of choice, you shoved your way out of the circle, gunning it straight down the street because your second life did depend on it.

"Get her!" You heard a yell of absolute rage, making you shiver. Fuck, that did not sound promising. That apple must have really pissed him off.

Putting your limited aerobics to use, you ducked, dodged and lunged through the crowd like a pro. Your heart pounded wildly in your chest, air burning your lungs as you pumped your legs faster. But of course, your grocery bag ripped open, sending all of your food tumbling and you by extension, tripping and face planting in the dirt rather pathetically.

A meaty hand gripped a handful of your hair, yanking it up harshly. You cried out as he pulled, hands uselessly trying to smack his away, but his hold only tightened. A liquor-filled breath and cheap cologne invaded your senses, making you cough.

"Uppity bitch," he growled, giving your scalp a painful yank for good measure. "You actually thought you could get away? Maybe I should teach you a lesson, huh? Sample the goods."

You froze, every nerve in your body going cold. So far in your stay in hell, you'd managed to avoid the more depraved souls here. You kept your head down, didn't draw attention to yourself, and were mostly left alone. Looked like today, your luck had finally run out.

"Get the hell off of me!" You spat, twisting around vehemently, only for your head to snap to the side as you were harshly backhanded.

"Stop your fucking whining and stay still!" He snapped, narrowing his eyes.

You bared your teeth, snapping at him aggressively.

A round of mocking chuckles went around the group of your kidnappers, the one holding your hair giving you a wicked grin. "Shit, that was cute. Really—"

He didn't get to finish his sentence, because his head exploded. Literally exploded, blood and brain matter dripping from your face. His hand went slack, dropping you on your wobbling knees.

Everyone was silent for a second, staring at the bloody mess where the demon was standing two seconds prior.

And that was when you heard it. Static. Loud, crackling and ominous.

Your mouth went dry. Shit. Shitty shit shit. You knew what that meant. How could you not? The asshole broadcasted his killings all over hell like a fucking psychopath. And now, it was your turn to become hell's gory entertainment. Fan-fucking-tastic.

You stood frozen, breath stuck in your throat as dark, menacing tendrils slowly curled along the walls. A large, grinning shadow rounded the corner, before the culprit himself stalked into view, razor sharp teeth on display as he tilted his head. "Oh," his grin widened. "Am I interrupting?"

"N-No man," one of the braver demons stuttered, taking a step back. "You can have her—"

Splat.

You turned slowly to face the bloody wall, eyes wide in disbelief.

"How distasteful," the radio demon shook his head. "As if I'd participate in your brainless thuggery. No, no. Unlike you gentlemen, I have class. Truly," his eyes lit up like glowing radio dials, a dark shadowy mass rising behind him as his antlers branched out like a gnarled, rotten tree. "Did your mother never teach you any manners?"

Faster than you could blink, the demons around you were reduced to blood, cartilage and splintered bone. The overwhelming irony scent made you want to gag, but you didn't dare move a muscle, eyes fixated on the terrifying sight before you.

When the radio demon noticed your staring, his smile sharpened, antlers shrinking as he leisurely approached you. Oh no. Nononono.

You struggled to keep from hyperventilating, your body going into shock as he leaned into your personal space. Two bloody fingers pushed into your cheeks, forcing your mouth into a morbid, artificial smile. "Oh dear," he tutted in amusement. "Where's your smile?"

You jerked back violently, eyes wide as icy cold realization washed over you. Dread squeezed your lungs as you stared at the grinning, bloody figure of your soulmate in horror.

The radio demon. Psychopath and mass murderer.

Your soulmate.

What the FUCK.

"T-This," your voice shook. "This is not happening."

There was a sudden screech of radio static, before his own eyes widened. Shit. "What," he said sharply. "Did you just say?"

"A-Ah," you trembled, leaning back. Every single nerve in your body was alight, screaming at you to get the ever-loving fuck away from him.  In what was probably the stupidest and most desperate plan of your life, you pointed over his shoulder fearfully. "Look! Another one!"

As soon as he turned his head, you bolted down the street.

****

You slammed your front door closed behind you, double—triple checking your lock before sliding down to the floor in a panting mess.

Immediately you grew paranoid. What the fuck were you thinking? A lock wouldn't keep the radio demon out. You needed fifty more locks and ten more doors. You needed to barricade yourself inside for the next month. You needed—

"Hello there!" An exuberant voice chirped.

You screamed, throwing the first thing you could grab in his direction. He caught the house slipper, inspecting it in amusement, before tossing it over his shoulder.

"My, did I scare you sweetheart? Apologies," he grinned smugly, relaxing in your recliner with a mug of coffee. Your favorite mug.  

You blinked. What the fuck?

"What are you doing in my house?" You squeaked, fingers digging into your welcome mat.

"Oh dear, allow me to introduce myself," he set the mug down on your coffee table, leisurely rising from the couch and offering a hand. "I'm Alastor! A pleasure to be meeting you sweetheart, quite a pleasure."

You didn't take his hand, instead choosing to gape at him like a dead fish.

He retracted his hand, tilting his head with a shit-eating grin. Twirling his cane, he continued like there wasn't just an awkward and terrifying pause. "I hope you don't mind that I followed you! You see, I believe our conversation was cut a bit...short." His eyes glowed as unidentifiable symbols floated in the air around him.

As quickly as they appeared however, they disappeared like they were never there. Jesus Christ, this man was giving you emotional whiplash. "Anywho!" He perked up again, ever the charming grin on his face. "Enough about me! I've yet to catch your name, darling."

Fuck. You really didn't want to give him your name.

But before you could open your mouth, he leaned closer to you, grin widening ominously. "I hope you're not thinking of lying, my dear. I must say, I'm not very fond of that quality."

"Y-Y/n!" You said quickly, raising your hands to shield your face.

There was a slight pause, before a gentle touch swiped at your cheek, retracting after a moment. You peeked your eye open, only to become vaguely ill at the sight.

"You had a little something on your face," he chuckled in amusement, holding out a clump of brain matter. With a swift flick, it was magicked away.

"What do you want?" You whimpered, overwhelmed with the entire situation.

"Oh dear, is it really that strange for me to want to get to know my soulmate?" He tilted his head, leaning towards you uncomfortably close.

"Y-Yes, actually," you stuttered, trying to look anywhere but his prominent red eyes. "I thought you'd do something more along the lines of...killing and eating me." You shrunk back as his grin widened. "Please don't eat me."

"How morbid, I would never!" He waved it away, like the idea was preposterous. "My word! What awful rumors you've been hearing about me!"

"You frequent cannibal colony and I just saw you tear apart six demons like they were freshly baked bread," you stared at him incredulously. "What hasn't been spot on?"

He paused, before giving you a humoring chuckle. "Well it seems your impression of me needs correcting!" Before you knew what was happening, nimble fingers encircled your wrist, pulling it forward gently. He pressed warm lips to the back of your hand, before giving you a charming grin. "Enchantée, ma chère."

You blinked, breath stuck in your throat. "What—What does that mean?"

"Oh, don't you worry your pretty little head about it!" He gently set your hand down, before pinching your cheek condescendingly. "Well my dear, I'm afraid I have other responsibilities I must attend to!"

He stood up with a flourish, leaning on his microphone cane as he smirked at you. "Not to worry!" He snapped his fingers, and a slim, feminine shadow emerged from the ground. "Missy here will watch over you in my stead."

"What? No, I—"

"I'll be back before you know it!" He offered a chilling smile, before melting into a puddle of shadows.

You gaped at the spot where he once stood, trying to process what the actual fuck just happened. Your gaze slid over to the feminine looking shadow, still standing in the corner of your living room. She grinned at your attention, teeth sharpened.

You closed your eyes, head thumping back against your door in exhaustion. 

"I'm so fucked."

****

Enchantée, ma chère : Charmed, my dear

[sexybritishllama]

in further neopets discord news, oh boy is there drama in my awful virtual pet game website today. strap in if you want way too much information on neopets’ broken economy

for some context, an event has just launched called the faerie festival. this is the first event to be run by the ‘new’ TNT (aka. the neopets team aka. the staff) since the leadership change, and they've said in recent editorials that this year’s faerie festival is going to be a combo of two previous popular events:

the faerie quest event, wherein people can get a free quest from a faerie every day in exchange for a reward (something that’s normally limited to random special events and therefore quite rare)

the charity corner, a highly requested event that hasn’t run since 2020, where you can donate random items to get points that can then be exchanged in a prize shop

there’s a LOT of ultimately worthless items on neopets that people gather from doing dailies and things, but charity corner actually gave a use to hoarding all of these, so people have wanted it back for ages. people have been going out of their way to hoard extra junk items for like 2 months now, after TNT teased the event in an editorial

this event was originally meant to start on 20th august, but got delayed 2 weeks, presumably because of issues behind the scenes. people were generally a bit disappointed but relieved if this meant they were going to get a proper, well prepared event without bugs

flash forward to 2nd october, the actual start of the event. nothing actually opens up for several hours on the day- that’s somewhat waved off by the fact that staff presumably need to be in the office to launch everything, a midnight launch isn’t expected

but, eventually, it opens!

well… kinda. there’s one page with one dialogue scene available and a link to an event page for spending neocash (the premium currency that costs irl money). the faerie quest page is giving out free daily quests, which is nice, but literally just the same as they did back in 2020. where’s the item recycling part? did this really need 2 weeks of delay?

the next day, the FAQ page for the event is published neopets support site (but not announced via news). still no sign of the actual event starting- seems like that might not be until moday?

as well as multiple grammatical errors, the FAQ had a few… concerning elements. most notably:

only 10 items could be donated per day

points would be awarded based on the rarity of the item, with the maximum rarity being r200-500, worth 15 points each

this meant people's hoarding of junk items for months was... essentially useless

r200-500 items basically means either hidden tower items (rare, expensive items that can only be bought in an account age locked shop with a purchase limit of 1 per day) orrrr….. neocash items. In other words, players could either spend an exorbinate amount of their in-game currency to buy up items to donate, or they could just hand over their credit card and pay to win

people were Not Happy about this

not long after info spread and the outcry started (and a sizeable number of people cancelled their premium membership in protest), the FAQ was quietly updated to remove mention of donating neocash items. that took away to pay to win element at least

however, now there was a new problem. a tombola man problem.

i mentioned already that the highest rarity items are pretty rare and expensive. one of the least expensive of these is an item called the Squeezy Tombola Guy Toy. you can probably see where this is going already

because you can only buy a maximum of one tombola guy per day from the hidden tower, your only option if you want to buy more than that in a day is to go to user shops. however, in light of the event, people had already started buying and hoarding tombola guy toys. equally, others were buying them purely to sell at a profit. this made the perfect storm and caused the price of the tombola guy toy, which was normally 110k NP, to explode up to 500k, 600k, even 700k within just one day

BUT THEN THE FAQ GOT UPDATED AGAIN. surprise, you can now donate 30 items per day! also they just got rid of the highest rarity tier altogether. the maximum you can get for an item is now 8 points, for rarity r102-r179.

this has now made the squeezy tombola guy toys useless. unless you’re a collector they don’t serve any function beyond that of a normal neopets toy (of which there’s thousands of much cheaper options). the price has now plummeted down to BELOW what it originally was and many users now have piles and piles of the dolls sitting in their inventory, mocking them

so what now? well, because no one ever learns, everyone is now flocking to what is now the cheapest high-rarity item eligible for donation. most are going for omelettes, which have a few different options at r102+. these have also inflated by like 400% from before the event, but unlike the squeeze tombola guys, these are only worth a few thousand neopoints, so not as bad a potential loss in comparison

it’s worth noting that while all this is going on in preparation for the recycling event, neopets is also experiencing insane inflation in a lot of other items right now, including those required for people to complete faerie quests. for example, a Griefer, which cost 5000 np just last week, is now worth selling for 1 MILLION

So yeah. 3 days into the event and that’s where we are so far. who knows what tomorrow might bring

[redtsundere-writes]

We need sukuna brutally murdering another servant because they put reader in a bad mood. ITS NOT A WANT ITS A NEED PLEASE

Blood Bath | Sukuna Ryomen

king!sukuna ryomen x femservant!reader

Sypnosis: The king needs to wash himself after defending his favorite servant. Contents: king x servant, kinda fluffy I guess, murder, a bit of humiliation, nudity. Word count: 2255 words. Author's note: Thanks for the request, anon! I was already writing this fic when I received your message, so it was a great add-in! Beginning. ← Previous | Next →

Sukuna left the castle a week ago. He set out for distant lands to conquer villages, eat its people and spread the terror on his behalf. The absence of his presence was noticeable in the magnificent palace. Peace reigned in the spotless marble hallways, the quiet kitchen and the solitary great hall. Despite not having the pressure of everything being perfect, the servants were making sure the castle would shine for the king's return. The servants walked around at their leisure, pretending they owned the place. They ate at whatever time they wanted, lay down to rest on the lawn of the parade ground, and talked loudly about the rumors that have been surfacing about your relationship with the king.

Recently, it had come to your attention that you were Sukuna's favorite servant, but no one knew exactly why. The consensus had concluded that it was because you were his mistress. Sukuna used to lock himself in his room with you for hours at a time and always came out with a broad smile. The truth is that you didn't sleep with him, you just gave him massages, fixed his outfits and sometimes talked for hours. You tried several times to clear up the rumors, but no one believed you.

It was a rainy summer afternoon. You and a small group of servants were cleaning the great hall, the largest room in the castle. Surrounded by white concrete columns that rose to the ceiling, you sternly swept the red carpet that indicated the center. Diamond chandeliers softly lit the place, statues of the king stood tall and the beautiful hand-painted mural raised on the ceiling harmonized the entire room. The drops fell softly against the giant window in which the green outside could be admired.

“When do you think our king will return?” One servant asked the other as they cleaned the decorative torches that rested on steel bases around the perimeter.

“He won't be long, he has to come back to his mistress,” the other one joked. They both let out small, annoying laughs.

Those kinds of comments had become more recurrent as the days went by. You knew they did it on purpose. They raised their voices every time you entered the room or when you were about to go to sleep. None of the other servants seemed to want to intrude to keep what little peace they had. You slammed the broom down on the carpet hard to take out your frustration.

“How disgusting to be that monster's mistress, don't you think?” the other one asked. You could feel her piercing gaze on the back of your head, waiting for you to react to her uncalled-for comment.

“I know! I don't know how she can sleep with someone as creepy as our king,” she replied with disgust in her voice.

Those two had crossed the line. You firmly grabbed the broomstick to confront them about their lousy topic of conversation. You approached them at a steady pace, dragging the broomstick in case you needed it as a weapon to defend yours and your king’s honor.

“That's enough!” you scolded. “I don't sleep with our king! Besides, he may be a monster, but thanks to him, we can eat fresh food, sleep in comfortable beds and live in a magnificent palace! If I were you, I'd stop barking, bitches!” You exploded after such a long time of having to put up with their out-of-place comments.

“Shut up! You're only defending him because you're his favorite whore!” One of them exclaimed, throwing the feather duster in her face.

“Yeah, shut the fuck up, who-!”

A fine cut echoed throughout the great hall. A large splash of blood fell on your face, blinding you for a couple of seconds. The slight gasp of surprise from the other servants left you speechless. You dropped the broom to scrub your eyes. What had happened? You backed up in desperation until you ran into a wall that wasn't there before. After a crack, it all made sense. You looked up to see Sukuna's sharp jaw. Dried blood tainted his skin, his breath was cut short from exhaustion. He was back home after conquering another empire successfully. 

“Does anyone have anything else to say?” Sukuna asked the other servants, who were kneeling before him, giving him a warm welcome.

You knew you should kneel, but seeing the lifeless bodies of what used to be your gossiping companions made your body freeze. Their heads had been cut in half and the rest of their bodies were shattered. What used to be two women were now small pools of blood and bones. Sukuna had erased their existence with just a couple of his fingers. It was a scene you never thought your eyes would see in the flesh. That would be your fate if you did not obey your master's orders.

“This is a reminder that I can get rid of you just as quickly,” he threatened. His thick voice echoed off the walls. “If I hear that you even dare to speak blasphemies about me or one of your companions, I will not hesitate to kill you. Do you understand?” The servants, still kneeling, said, “Yes, my king,” in unison. 

Coming out of your state of shock, you turned around to kneel at his feet. Sukuna looked at your small figure compared to him. He had heard how you had defended his honor in the face of annoying accusations. He knew you were a good servant, but now you had proven to him that you were loyal. 

“Welcome home, my king,” you greeted in a trembling voice. Your body was still processing the murder your eyes had witnessed. 

“Draw me a bath,” he ordered, brushing past your greeting. 

“Yes, my king.”

You ran as fast as possible to his room to get there before him. Luckily, you had cleaned the bathroom thoroughly the day before, so everything was ready for the king to relax properly. You turned on the faucet to fill the tub with hot water, sprinkled scented bath salts, filled the water with bubbles and lit a few candles to romance the atmosphere. Sukuna soon arrived. Without a word, he began to undress as usual. Obediently, you stood in front of the wall to give her privacy.

“Since when?” He asked you as he untied the knots of his garments and let them fall to the floor. You could only hear the fabric sliding down his Herculean body.

“I don't understand the question, my king,” you answered confused, looking at the wall full of green tiles.

“How long have they been bothering you?” Sukuna completed the question while analyzing your figure from behind. He could tell you were nervous in his presence. It was the first time you saw him kill someone, it must have made quite an impression on you.

“Since a couple of months ago,” you answered.

“Why didn't you tell me?” Sukuna entered the bathtub, which was already bubbling. You closed the bath faucet and approached a stool to begin the most complicated task, washing his hair.

“I didn't want to waste your time.” You prepared the utensils: a sponge, a small wooden bowl and glass bottles filled with the hair products.

“You don't dictate what I do with my time,” he replied sternly.

Sukuna stepped into the tub so you could easily reach his head, drowning his torso into the soapy water. With the help of a soft sponge, you wet his pale pink hair, taking care that the water did not enter his ears. The king closed his eyes, letting himself be carried away by the pleasant sensation after a week of consecutive massacres. Untangling his short hair with a wooden comb, avoiding pulling too much so as not to hurt him. You placed the shampoo directly on his head and massaged the product into the roots.

Sukuna hummed happily every time your fingers gently stroked his scalp. You were so gentle with him even though he was the worst monster ever. You scratched, stroked and massaged his skull to your heart's content. While you let the product work, you focused on his broad shoulders. Your hands roamed his upper body calmly and patiently. The king was tired from having fought day after day and night after night to leave his name high as the greatest conqueror, you could tell by how tense his skin was.

“Answer me a question,” Sukuna asked with his eyes closed.

“As many as you wish, my king.”

“Are you loyal to me because you are afraid of me or because I am powerful?” He asked firmly.

“Both. I am afraid of you because you are powerful,” you replied as you took the bowl of water to rinse his hair.

Sukuna smiled in satisfaction with your answer. That's why you were his favorite servant. You are a perfectionist, shrewd and perceptive. You always managed to surprise him in a different way every time. Something no woman had ever managed to do before. Sukuna twisted his torso to face you. Your face and your white clothes were inked with the blood of your companions. He couldn't let you work like that, after all, it's his fault you were stained.

“Take off your clothes and come in,” he ordered.

“What?” You asked, shocked.

“You're dirty. Come in. I won't repeat myself,” Sukuna demanded.

You nodded and started to undress before his eyes. He had seen hundreds of women undress before. He knows what a pair of striking breasts, sexy hips and long legs look like, but even so, he was mesmerized as he watched you unfold before his eyes. Each garment slid down your body delicately, your hairs bristled from the change in temperature and your nipples stood erect at the lustfulness. No one but your mother had ever seen you naked. You had never been with a man, let alone a monster as imposing as he was.

Sukuna held out his hand to help you into the large tub. You sat in front of him and covered your breasts with the glistening bubbles that floated around you. He took one of the sponges and soaked it with soap to gently clean your face. The now dried blood came off easily. His black claws sometimes scratched your cheeks, but you could tell he was trying to be as gentle as possible with your beautiful face.

“It's not necessary, I can do it myself,” you asked, trying to take the sponge from him.

“I can wash my own hair too, but I prefer you to do it. Let me do it,” he replied before filling the bowl with water and wetting your hair.

He repeats the same process as you. The warm water, the closeness of your bodies and his hands taking care of your hair, transported you to fantasies where you had a relationship beyond king-servant. They were romantic ideas of a Sukuna you didn't quite know. A Sukuna who hugged you every time he saw you, who gave you head pats every time you did something right, and who sat you on his wide lap, demanding attention.

Someone knocked on the door, to which Sukuna allowed access. It was Uraume, who had just heard that the king had returned and what had happened with the reckless maids. What they did not expect was to see you in the bathtub next to his majesty, but even so, they decided not to ask details of how they had come to that situation.

“Welcome home, your majesty.” Uraume bowed from the doorway. “Dinner is ready. You must be hungry after the long journey.”

“I'll be there in a minute,” Sukuna answered. Uraume bowed again and left the room.

“They won't say anything,” Sukuna assured you before getting out of the tub. You were about to get out to give him his towel too, but he stopped you. “The water is still hot, it would be a shame to waste it,” he said before taking the towel and wrapping it around his waist.

“It's my job to do it,” you said.

“Your job is to obey me,” he dictated seriously. You sat back down in the tub and nodded. “Good girl,” he said with a satisfied smile before leaving the bathroom.

Sukuna returned to the bathroom and looked in his closet for what he would wear to dinner. He glanced into the bathroom from time to time to observe you. A small naked human wrapped in the ethereal steam of her innocence. He could have any woman in the world. Why was his mind obsessed with your beauty, your words, and your docility? He didn't know exactly, but he was sure you were completely his, so he didn’t have anything to worry about.

You stood alone with your thoughts in the elegant bath. You plunged your body into the water, submerging your head in the bubbles. Heads cut in half, his big hands stroking your hair, brains strewn across the carpet, his gentle touch as he washed your face. The quick, deep images made you feel confused. Your head went back up to the surface as you realized you were short of breath. You brushed your wet hair back to take a deep breath. What were you doing? Where were you? What kind of person were you serving? Sukuna confused you with his actions, and now you didn't know what to do with your poor heart beating a mile a minute for him.

Next →

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Masterlist.

[confused-wanderer]

..the batfam siblings are randomnly getting teleported through time to the original days of batman and robin, but somehow Bruce is nowhere to be seen. This leads to so many more questions, and each of them has begged the villains to just put them out of their misery at some point.

Exhibit 1

Jason *teleports into Wayne Manor*

Jason: what the actual fuck is happening?

Eight year old Dick:

Jason:

Jason: Ah sh- shoot.. Hey there..

Eight year old Dick *lip trembles*

Jason *panicking* : uhhhh hey kid please don’t cry-

*WHAM*

Jason’s knees explode in pain as he doubled over and then there’s a continuous tornado of blows coming before he’s down for the count

Eight year old Dick: IM GONNA ROCK YOUR SHIT FUCKER *about to smash a granite statue on Jason’s head if Alfred hadn’t walked in at that moment*

Jason *tasting blood and wheezing* : I- I think my ribs are broken.. also why does this fucking feel like déjà vu?

Exhibit 2

Tim:

Robin!Dick:

Tim: uh- hey Dick?

*villain appears*

Tim *running in front* : Don’t worry I’ll protect yo-

Robin!Dick running out from behind him wielding an electric blowtorch he stole from Tim: MEET YOUR END TODAY!

Tim *panicking* : ROBIN NO

Dick *cackling* : ROBIN YES

Exhibit 3

Damian:

Dick:

Damian: Richard.. you’re- not what I expected.

Dick *scaling the side of the skyscraper to help a cat stuck there*

Damian: .. Compassion is a quality you always-

Damian:

Damian: .. Richard.. where is the rest of your gear?

Robin!Dick *with cats in hand running off the ledge*

Damian: RICHARD WHERE IS YOUR GRAPPLING HOOK?!

Dick ended up doing several gymnastic moves, giving a perfect landing with the cat in tow and not a single scratch on him. Damian has stopped functioning.

Bonus

Cass *smiling warmly*

Dick *smiling and waving* : HI NICE LADY!! Do you want a cookie? Alfred made them!!

Cass *taking the packet Dick is trying to hold upright*

Dick: That ones for you! And this *takes out a small box with a skull drawn on it with crayons* is for your family! I know you don’t like talking about them.. and I think they’re the ones who hurt you. Just give them one cookie and they’ll never bother you again!

Cass: :) . Thanks.. but cookie not solve everything..

Dick: Aww..

Dick:

Dick: If I burn their house down will that work?

Cass: •_•

[toruslvt]

omg imagine nastily making out wth gojo …… just him in between ur legs and fucking ur mouth with his tongue, swallowing ur whines as he rubs his clothed crotch against urs, his hand squeezing ur boob (or nip) as the other strokes ur cheek cuz he’s cute too <3

⋆ mdni. ( fem!reader ) nonie my love this is one of the hottest asks I've ever gotten you have no idea omfg.

Gojo Satoru thinks you’re so cute, by the way you meekly stick out your tongue for him to rub his on top, the tip tracing patterns across your wet muscle just before plunging it inside, now caressing the inside of your mouth in soft, gentle strokes for you to moan in return. but gosh, if Satoru isn’t so cute as well, half lidded eyes and slightly glazed over, making soft whimpered sounds each time his hand cups your boob though the thin shirt you wore, prompting you to make more pretty sounds by the buck of his hips, keeping you still and obediently sat against the headboard while he squats before you, perfect and smoothly guiding his leaking covered cock against your core.

“you like it messy, dont’cha?” Satoru asks with a grin, noticing how drops of saliva have wet your shirt collar, although by the glazed over look you give him, he knows you’re feeling too good to coherently think. and his cock throbs at this, pinching your nipple and cupping your burning cheek, maintaining your eyes on his while wishing he could just pull your bottoms and pound into the hot wetness between your legs, but this will have to do for now, too horny to stop the grind of his hips against your cunt, knowing damn well he’s perfectly stimulating your clit by the broken mewls your lips let out, each one growing in intensity.

“you gonna cum baby?” he asks slightly teasingly, pushing back the fact that his cock throbs and threatens to explode right where it’s pressed against his boxers, the wet patch on the fabric just proving how turned on he is, luckily for Satoru, your eyes flutter cutely in pleasure, not even once looking down to notice how his arousal seeps out like a horny teenager.

his mouth is back on yours the moment your head nods, just barely visible, but enough for your boyfriend to pull your shorts down, leaving you in a pair of drenched panties as his bulge slots itself against your slit, thumbs on your clit and nipple respectively right before his mouth is back on yours, licking the webs of saliva that trailed down your lips, a broken moan making it’s way out of your chest at the multiple stimulation, so close to cumming against Satoru’s cock twitching right against your hole though the flimsy layers of fabric, it only takes two swipes of his thumb on your clit and a suck on your tongue for your eyes to cross and cum hard, merely seconds before your boyfriend’s cum drenched his boxers thoroughly, messily mixing with your own sticky underwear that had several webs of slick intimately connecting yours and his crotch.

[daycourtofficial]

Wildest Dreams

Summary: Azriel has a dirty dream about you and unbeknownst to him, his shadows begin to act out parts of his dream.

Warnings: smut, dubcon, shadowplay, minors DNI

Author’s note: I might make a part two to this? Uncertain yet. Banner by cafekitsune

You looked so beautiful underneath him, all tied up, your legs spread to give him the perfect view of you. Naked as the day you were born, just waiting for him. He looks at you, watching you squirm underneath his gaze. He takes his time, his eyes roving over every inch of you, drinking you in.

He grabs one of your legs, starting to kiss your ankle, moving his way slowly up your leg, your shuddering breathes causing him to slow his pace the closer he gets to your core. He’s halfway up your thigh when he starts nipping and sucking, wanting to leave a distinct line of marks up your thigh, marking you as his.

He reaches all the way up your thigh, and you are trying so hard to rub his face against yourself. He pins down your hips, moves his face directly in front of your heat and asks, “is this what you want?”

You can feel his words and the vibrations travel through you, heightening every feeling going through you. His mouth is mere inches from you, and he’s getting drunk off the smells of your arousal.

You whimper out a soft “yes”, desperate with need, and he accepts the invitation and his tongue slowly makes it’s way into your folds.

Unbeknownst to Azriel, as he slept a few shadows slipped from under his door and into your room. They searched the room, happy to find you in bed, laying on your back, a flowy nightgown adorning your body.

You were resting with a foot out from under the covers, but most of your legs and torso was covered. One shadow slips back out to retreieve more, while the other two shadows start swirling up your legs, moving the blanket out of their way as they swirl up your body.

More shadows slip in, your unconscious state keeping you from noticing their presence. The shadows dance around you, happy to have found you like this.

Will please master, they whisper to each other.

As you sleep, a few shadows begin sliding up your nightgown, the cool air hardening your nipples quickly. A few other shadows grab your wrists gingerly, holding them above your head gently, but firmly.

Some of the shadows lift up your nightgown, swirling around your hips before beginning to move across your pussy. You moan in your sleep, your hips moving on their accord against the new pleasing presence.

The shadows start exploding with excitement over your noises and even more join the fun. Their excitement comes to a head when they hear you moan out their master’s name, deciding that they know exactly what to do.

Azriel was used to waking up to his shadows wanting to tell him something. Cassian ate a midnight snack or Feyre got up to check on Nyx. Tonight they began chanting your name in his ear, along with the phrase, present for you, master.

Azriel decides to get up, taking a moment to calm his erratic heart rate and his erratic erection. His shadows won’t let him take too long as they start dragging him out of the room, pushing and pulling him towards your room.

He can smell your arousal through the door, sweeter than he had imagined it would be. He opens the door, being met with a sight he knows he’ll never forget.

You’re tied down to the bed by shadows with only your black nightgown covering your body. Hands above your head, shadows encapsulate several of your body parts, keeping you from leaving. Several shadows swarm over your eyes, leaving you without sight.

He can’t stop watching as your hips gírate on the wisps of his shadows, their cool touch causing you to moan in arousal.

He’s frozen in the doorway, unable to move, just watching his shadows recreate the moment from his dream so perfectly, aside from the nightgown. They did call you a present, and perhaps that was the wrapping paper. Then he hears it.

Azriel.

You’re moaning his name, throwing your head back in pleasure, and he can’t hold himself back anymore. Unsure if you’re dreaming or just imagining him, he can’t let your lust and need continue over a fake version of himself. He strides over to your bed, climbing on top of you, his legs in between your spread ones.

The scent of you is burning his nostrils, a scent he wants imprinted on himself forever. He leans forward, grabbing your jaw as his shadows dissipate from your eyes. He strokes his thumb on your jaw, causing your eyes to open.

You look at him, eyes full of lust and uncertainty. His shadows are still keeping you pinned down, and Azriel realizes then that you were having a dirty dream about the two of you.

Your eyes tell him you can’t discern if this is real or not, so he takes the leap both of you have been dancing around for months, neither brave enough to do it.

“Dreaming of me, sweetheart?”

A moan leaves your lips involuntarily, and your face heats red at your position, at him catching you having a sex dream about him.

“It’s okay,” he purrs, lowering himself down so he’s inches from your face. “You should see what we do in my dreams.”

Your eyes look back at him - searching for humor, for insincerity. All you’re met with in return is love, devotion, and hunger.

His mouth reaches for your ears and whispers, “is this okay? My shadows did this while I was asleep.”

A smile graces your lips, “were they acting out your dream?”

He smirks, “it seems so.”

“Then show me what the rest of your dream was.”