#that would have been unrealistic completely out of step with canon AND also not as fun for me personally

[arodrwho]

hey uh y'all

u know ppl can read ur bookmark notes on ao3 right? u know those arent automatically private?

[padfootswhiskers]

With all respect, I think u guys give jkr's writing skill too much credit . Ik she said she planned everything abt hp books from the beginning( I don't believeit tbh), but she wrote some of the weirdest dumb stuff ever for the sake of the plot that don't make any sense ... Remus's life and even his name, for example.The fact that Remus hasn't visited Harry for almost 12yrs is ridiculous . "He thought Harry was safe - he felt worthless. He was a coward. " wtf?! No he didn't do it bc Harry shouldn't know abt his parents and wizarding world the End. srslyWheree were lily's friends? Oh they all passed away...Harry's grandparents THEY ALL PASSED AWAY ...problem solved (jkr is so good at this) and plus imo that also happened simply bc if Remus checked on Harry, he would be a father figure to him 100% (the role given to Sirius), and jkr didn't want Harry to have the same close connection with Remus as he did with Sirius. It would make harry -Sirius's relationship unimportant... Take Sirius's other relationships, for example. When he escaped Azkaban, he had no family, no lover, no one. Initially, I was like, "Yeah, okay," and that seemed fine. But later, it occurred to me that maybe he was written that way because he had to be solely for Harry. Like, he shouldn't care about anyone but Harry. Sirius isn't allowed to prioritize anyone over his godson.

to be fair, anon, i think two things can be true at the same time. a lot of stuff does happen in the hp universe for plot reasons---this doesn't necessarily mean it's always bad writing.

the plot required harry to be unaware of the wizarding world, alright. i don't see how this means remus would've taken, like, custody of harry or something if it hadn't! remus IS a coward. he IS extremely self flagellating. it IS completely plausible that he knew petunia wasn't a great person and left harry there anyway!

(take DH for example. he says tonks will be safe with her parents right after he tells them that her parents have been tortured for information. he isn't a stupid man, he's being deliberately cowardly.)

i understand that you probably really like remus, or at least the good bits of him, but character traits you dislike do not equal bad writing. remus consistently shows himself to be extremely passive-aggressive, conflict avoidant and unable to actually follow through on his conscience. i don't know about you, anon, but i can definitely see a man who convinced himself that withholding information about a wanted murderer was OK, convincing himself that harry is safe and better off without him.

jkr didn't have to use plot reasons to thwart remus and harry's budding relationship so that sirius could step in because...there isn't a scenario that exists wherein canon remus would step in to be an orphaned harry's father figure. i'm genuinely curious as to why you think he might. THAT, if anything, is what seems ooc to me.

as for lily, that seems to be pattern with jkr's 'popular girls'. i can't name five of ginny's friends if my life depended on it. it was also obviously done so that the snape reveal would have a greater effect. but lily isn't an established character the same way remus is.

as for sirius? i don't think it's unrealistic that he didn't have a lover/anyone waiting for him. i think people tend to forget he was only barely 22 when he got locked up; plenty of people haven't begun sorting out their lives at that age. lest we forget, he was also fighting a war pretty much the second he left hogwarts. not great for the dating scene, that. i don't think it's unrealistic at all that he hadn't thought about girls (or boys) or settling down at that time in his life.

but even if he had, i can't fathom a world in which he wouldn't transfer the love and devotion he had for james to james' son.

[ciaraswritings]

The Pink Pool

Disclaimer: I do not own DC or their characters, or their settings. This is certainly not canon. Also, putting dye and bubble bath in a pool sounds like a bad idea in real life and you probably should not do it. Indulge in this fictional work instead.

Warnings & Topics: Suggestive themes. 18+.

Word Count: 812 words.

Summary: A short Bruce Wayne x gender neutral!reader fluff, a birthday present to remember, and a pink pool with bubbles. 

Author’s Note: It is not my birthday yet, nor would I like a vacation home for a present in real life, but I thoroughly enjoyed writing this piece. I’m going to try to publish many more summer stories in the near future. I hope you enjoy. 

It was honestly a ridiculous idea. Childish. Unrealistic. But I’d been dreaming of this opportunity my entire life.

The boxes were all unpacked, and we had finished constructing the new bed frame. New white sheets were fitted over the new mattress, new plates had been placed carefully in the new cabinets, the new house was completely ready for new adventures and new love. 

He had bought this new vacation home for my birthday and taken the next two weeks off work, just to spend it with me in the new villa. If I recall his exact words, he had given me the green light to “do whatever you want with the place, it’s yours now,” as he had carried me across the threshold. It really was an incredible home, a luxurious four bedrooms and three bathrooms, rose vines wrapping around the arches, white flowers decorating the shrubbery. Though it was nothing compared to Wayne Manor, I had been just a tad bit hesitant to accept the overwhelming birthday present, considering we had only been together for a few months. And yet…well, even if we didn’t last, at least I had gotten the glorious opportunity to live in such a fairytale house for a little while.

As I made my way to the French doors that opened to the spacious backyard, I smiled at the recent memory of him revealing my birthday surprise and the shock I had felt.

“You want to spend how many weeks here?”

“Just two. You don’t want to?”

“I do, but… come on, Bruce, work will never let me have the days off. Not so soon.”

“Quit your job.”

“Now you’re just being ridiculous.”

I will never forget the smile he gave me with his reply. 

“Maybe I am being ridiculous, but it feels too good to stop.” 

I had not resigned after all, but he had called my workplace, much to my embarrassment. Either way, I was on an unexpected vacation for my birthday, and life couldn’t be better. Bruce had to go back to the office for a few hours to wrap up some unfinished work, but then he would be back, ready to kick off the next two weeks of paradise he had promised me. I was anxiously looking forward to tonight, to spending our first night here together in that lavish bed. But first, I had something else on my mind.

Stepping out into the fading light of dusk, I drummed my fingers against the bottle I was holding. My boyfriend’s go-ahead to do whatever I wanted with the place was fulfilling a dream I had been entertaining since I was thirteen years old. Of course, that was years and years ago, but the thought had always stayed in the back of my mind every time I went swimming in a pool. I just had never had the chance to do it.

My freshly pedicured feet strode towards the rectangular pool, the shimmering blue water accentuated by underwater lights. I picked up the bucket that lay beside the edge of the pool, dipping it into the water to collect the amount I needed, my mind calculating the best way to carry out my plan. Pouring some of the bottle’s product into the bucket, I began to mix the liquid with the pool water. Once combined, I stood, my eyes searching for the location of the jets inside the pool. Locating one, I picked up the bucket and dumped the contents into the pool over the jet. 

… 

An hour had passed since sunset. I had heard the car door slam shut, as well as his dress shoes making their way to where I was relaxing in the pool. My freshly dyed pink pool with bubbly foam floating on portions of the surface. 

I couldn’t help but laugh at the surprise on his face. Raising myself out of the pool, brushing the bubbles off of my swimwear, I wrapped my foamy arms around his neck, pressing myself against him, completely soaking the front of his suit. “Hey, missed you.” 

He was chuckling and shaking his head at me. “I missed you too… and I also missed the memo about a pink bubble bath in our pool. I didn’t really wear the right outfit to this party.” 

I laughed, kissing him before pulling away. “Then go change, I’ll be here.” 

“I know you will,” he winked, before disappearing into the house again. I stepped back into the foamy water, relaxing in the water that lapped against my shoulders and splashed gently on my neck. 

When he returned, appropriately dressed in his own swimming attire, I nearly pulled him headfirst into the pool in my excitement. Finally with my lover, in the pool of my teenage dreams, I was happier than I had been in a long time. I wrapped my legs around his waist and my arms around his neck. The kiss we then shared was incredibly blissful, just like I knew this night would be.

[marvel-ous-m]

20 Questions for Writers!

I was tagged by @devondespresso @pearynice and @spicysix!

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

I have 15! 14 in Stranger Things, and one abandoned Marvel fic that I don’t have the strength to admit is really abandoned. 

2. What's your total AO3 word count?

158,993! Over 100,000 of that was in the last 6 months, which is absolutely wild for my lizard brain to comprehend. (Writing, it's free therapy).

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Stranger Things! Like I said above, I used to write for Marvel, but most of my interest in the MCU went out the window after Multiverse of Madness. (Don’t worry, I still love you Spiderman <3) 

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Eddie Munson’s Guide for How to Adopt a Jock in Four Easy Steps

Closer to Fine

Something’s In My Mine (and I’m Focused On You) 

Summer Child

Don’t Cry Over Spilled Tang (Steve Learns to Cry)

5. Do you respond to comments?

Yes! As much as I can! I’ve been taking a little impromptu break from comment responses but I loveee getting to interact with comments, it brings so much joy to my life!

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

I tend to stay pretty firmly in the happy ending cap, but I think that Tonight, Tonight is my saddest/angstiest ending. 

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Oh man, I’m gonna give this to Summer Child (linked above). It was a birthday gift to myself, and even if it’s kinda unrealistic to suddenly have all of Steve’s problems fixed within 2,500 words, I needed some tooth-rotting fluff. 

8. Do you get hate on fics?

I have in the past, but I really don’t in the Stranger Things fandom! 

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

Not reallllly. I have quite a few fade to black moments in fics though. I might have some smut in an upcoming fic, but I personally don’t love adding smut to a story focused on plot unless it advances the plot. Just a personal preference thing!! 

10. Do you write crossovers?

No (?)- I’m not opposed, and I seriously LOVE reading Spiderman-Stranger Things crossovers, but I haven’t written anything yet. If inspiration strikes though, I’d be down. 

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I know of. 

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Not that I’m aware of, but I’d totally love this!

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

My friend and I had a notebook in middle school that we would pass back and forth and write Supernatural reader insert in-

Uhhhh I mean no. 

14. What's your all-time favourite ship?

Steddie <3 

15. What's a WIP you want to finish but doubt you will?

This award goes to Why Can’t This Be Love (my Marvel fic). Everything else I’ve written that has been posted will be or has been completed!

16. What are your writing strengths?

I think characterization and dialogue are my strengths, with the obvious caveat that my fics tend to be AU or canon divergence, so my characterization is certainly not spot-on to what you see in the show, but I think that I’m good at it for the story that I’m writing. 

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Pacing and descriptors. I definitely have some moments where I’m like “I need to get this over with, this does not need to be so descriptive” but I get attached to the little world I’ve written and struggle to delete whatever is getting in the way. 

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

Oooo. Personally I think it depends, but I tend to lean towards no unless you have someone who can speak that language consulting with you. 

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Doctor Who (and I am embarrassed to admit that I wrote it on a typewriter and gave it to my 6th grade teacher to show her I was good at writing). 

20. Favorite fic you've written?

Something’s In My Mind is my favorite child and probably will be for always. I love those funky little guys <3 <3 

Some people I'm challenging! No stress tags, apologies if you've already been tagged and/or have already completed this 20 questions game. (Also if you haven't been tagged but would like to partake, this is your informal invitation to do so!!) @hairstevington @klausinamarink @hellfireloserclub

[lunar-years]

literallyyyyy like between jamie in tonight's ep and sam in the strings that bind us my main takeaway is that radical forgiveness is dumb as hell actually

No I agree, it's not a principle I believe in personally at all, because I do think it is largely dumb as all hell lol.

That said, I think radical forgiveness is a philosophy that can work for certain types of people in certain situations, but it's like, a very small percentage of people. Out of all the characters on the show, Sam actually works best for me as a person who would realistically adhere to the principle and use it well, and I also really enjoyed his talk with his dad about it, so it sort of worked for me in the strings that bind us (though of course that episode has the same problem as so much else on the show including Jamie & his dad, in that it hasn't been brought up since, which makes Sam's decision to forgive feel like a neat conclusion instead of the start of a conscious daily effort, and that's bad).

The idea that everyone on the show is going around radically forgiving one another, though, is so stupid and unrealistic. For one it's just not how people actually operate, and for two, it also shouldn't have to be.

With Jamie...Look, I can believe he would hear Ted's words and decide in that moment to forgive his dad. I can even believe he would text his dad afterwards. He has people around him telling him it's the right thing to do, and he's just coming off of a depressive episode where his mental state is still in a very vulnerable place. I can realistically see the character making that choice. But what makes it so bad as a show plot point is knowing we are never ever going to hear about it again, and having no character on the show telling Jamie (and thereby the audience) that reaching out is in fact a bad idea and not something he needs to do.

Which makes the whole thing come off not as the reality of what it is: Jamie making a choice that is deeply unsafe for him because of the state of his head, but instead as the extremely warped PSA of: "Jamie needed to forgive his physically, emotionally, and sexually abusive dad in order to heal. And look, radical forgiveness works! James Tartt Sr. was already in rehab! This is the first step to repairing their broken relationship :)" They're painting it as good idea, the right thing to do, instead of an unsafe one. Which is a message I completely loathe. I hate that it's what the show has chosen to convey.

Another thing I've been thinking about this morning is how this reframes my thoughts about the show's intentions in last season's Man City episode re: the Higgins and Jamie conversation. I have always chalked that up to crossed wires, Higgins not having the knowledge necessary in that moment to understand that "I like to accept my dad for who is and forgive him for who he isn't" or whatever he said was a very bad thing to say to Jamie given the circumstances. Now I feel like even if Higgins had canonically known the reality of James Tartt Sr., the writers STILL would've had him say the exact same line. Like, they actually want the audience to think forgiving James Tartt Sr. is the right and best thing to do.

Which, frankly, fuck that.

[skylarmoon71]

Miguel O' Hara - AU Scientist (Across the Spider-Verse) - Chapter 6

“I don’t understand. I need you to explain it to me. Explain everything.” 

It’s not like you didn’t expect this from Miguel. There was just so much that you couldn’t control. It felt wrong to bring him into your world. 

It’s possible that’s a cover. 

The scary part is watching him walk away from you. 

Miguel is still standing at a distance. You aren’t sure if it’s out of fear or disappointment. 

Your shoulders drop defeatedly. 

“It’s not really easy to explain.” 

“Try.” 

A shaky breath escapes you, and when he sees the golden flicker of light once again return to your eyes, he swallows. You know he’s still trying to fully process the very short encounter with a doppelganger. So introducing your abilities will definitely be a breaking point. 

“I was born a mutant. I didn’t manifest my abilities until I lost my uncle ten years ago. That’s when I went into law enforcement. I was trying to do the right thing with my powers. But someone I cared about, Gavin Stacy, died and I..I couldn’t do it anymore. I left that part of my life behind.” 

You step closer, and Miguel doesn’t move.

“I’m what they refer to on other earths as Spiderwoman.” 

Flipping your wrist, Miguel flinches when a stream of web shoots out. It locks onto a glass nearby and you give it a tug. The second it’s within your grasp, you squeeze and the glass crumbles under your hold like dust. 

“I’m stronger, faster than the average human. That’s only half of it.” 

There’s no way you can hide this anymore. 

“This whole time we’ve been working on the project, you’ve known from the start. But you said nothing.” 

“I..I was scared.”

“Why? Why were you scared?”

“Because I’m..an anomaly. I shouldn’t have existed.” 

All those years ago you tried to do the right thing. You really did. You served justice both in the office as an agent, and at night. But it changed completely when you lost Gavin and found out about canon events. Just the memory is a bitter reminder. 

“I used to have a twin sister. In every universe there’s only supposed to be one. One hero, one spiderman or spider woman. I didn’t believe it at first. But the way she died when we were kids it just felt..wrong. When I found out the truth it was painful. I spent years hating myself for it. When I was finally able to get myself out of that hole I lost my uncle and then one of my best friends. It was like a curse had struck me. That’s when I realized that as a hero, I was destined for pain. Everyone regardless of the universe, all of us with these powers, these abilities, we always lose the people we care most about if we decide to become heroes. So I gave it up. I decided that there were other ways to help my universe without constantly suffering loss. I just..wanted to be happy..” 

It was selfish, but you couldn’t bring yourself to go back out there. Not after you’d failed to protect the ones you cared about. 

Over and over again. 

“I know this is a lot, it might not even make sense. I should have been honest the second that we got involved. If you believe nothing else, please just know how I feel about you, that’s real.” 

It’s unrealistic to expect him to just swallow it all and accept every part of you. 

The right choice right now is to leave. Miguel needs a chance to figure out if he really wants to be a part of this. 

“If you decided that you’d rather take your chances with someone else, I would understand. I wouldn’t blame you Miguel.” 

It hurts, but even if he broke this off, there wasn’t a part of you that couldn’t actually hate him for it. This is a life, his life. He knows what future dangers are ahead. That version of him also proposed that he would be back. Who knows with what kind of reinforcements. 

“What did you say to me, the first time I told you about my disability. What did you say?” 

Your brows knit. 

“I..I don’t understand I..” 

“I understand. I don’t expect anything from you.  It’s nothing to be ashamed of. You’re you. We can discover what we are in the future. That’s what you said to me. You didn’t look at me with pity, or like I was broken. You didn’t force me to change anything. You just smiled at me and told me that you were willing to endure whatever you could, as long as you were given a chance to care about me. To..love me..” 

It’s a bit impossible to look at him now, your gaze has gotten a bit swimmy. 

“The circumstances are very different, but I understand now how you felt at that moment. I want you to give me that chance.”

Is there a possibility that you’ve already been rejected and your mind has formed some kind of alternative?

Shaky hands move to the table for support. 

It must be.

You try to read something, anything from his gaze. He’s at your side in what feels like seconds. Miguel is holding your cheeks and you’re sobbing. 

“I know now that you’ve lost so much, no matter what, you’re not going to lose me. So you don’t have to be afraid. I’m not going anywhere.” 

“Y-You promise.” 

Miguel nods. 

“I promise.” 

He leans in, sealing it with a kiss and you hug him. 

You believe every word.

[bludhavents]

things that each greaser struggles with:

these are mostly headcanons i came up with. also, this gets pretty angsty.

content warning: alcoholism, addiction, anxiety.

darry:

- maturity. he thinks everybody looks at him like the “dad” of the group instead of just another friend, and he loathes it. he misses whenever he was able to skip work to catch a movie at the drive-in or take ponyboy and sodapop up to the dingo for lunch.

- accidental intimidation. his build is very large and strong, which is good for his job and for when he’s actually trying to, well, intimidate people, but other than that it just makes him feel guilty for being so unapproachable.

- relationships. specifically, darry is very insecure in his relationship with pony. he especially hates it whenever pony dogs on him for forgetting things or accusing him of not caring.

- emotional intelligence. he knows he comes across as cold. and he hates it. he has lots of emotions and he doesn’t air them out in a healthy way, so he tries his best to cut all the emotions off altogether in hopes that the negativity will stop, but it just makes him feel even more insecure.

- social skills. in high school, it was all much easier for him, but now that he’s working full-time and running the household, he’s fallen majorly behind in the social scene. he never goes out to the drive-in or to the dingo, and at first it was because he was too busy, but now, even if he doesn’t have a shift, he’ll make up some excuse because he’s too nervous to go and have to talk to people again since he feels like he’s gonna mess up.

- identity. darry was just starting to feel comfortable in himself and in his role in the world right before his parents died, and when they did, he stopped trying to figure out what made him happy. it has made him insecure of the emotional stint that is centered around his ego and sense of self.

sodapop:

- smarts. it’s canon that he’s insecure about this.

- growing up. while everybody else moves on to new things and grows up, he feels like he’s stuck in the same place watching everybody else progress while he stays behind. this was especially true after sandy left, because marrying her was going to be this huge exciting step in his life and when she left, he didn’t have that fulfillment anymore.

- reassurance. he feels a constant need for approval, and he will take it wherever he can get it. there’s a sort of pride he gets whenever he sees a girl checking him out, but there’s a deeper feeling telling him that she’s gonna run away once she finds out about how ‘stupid’ he is.

- authority. soda has a really hard time talking to people who are in a position of power. he gets all nervous and his hands get sweaty and his face goes sheet white in panic. his charm and social skill is enough to satisfy a conversation with a person his age, but he feels silly trying to be confident in front of an adult. he feels like they look down on him and will laugh.

- fatherhood. he’s very insecure about having a family in the future. he feels like he never appreciated his dad’s skilled parenting while he could, and since then darry has been a sort of fatherly figure in the house, but it’s hard for soda to see it that way. he grew up for 16 years with darry as a big brother and for him to suddenly be forced into a father role is troubling for soda. because of this complicated dynamic between soda and fatherhood, he feels like he won’t be able to be the best father possible for his children.

- legs. he hates his legs. you will never see soda in a pair of shorts, not even when he’s swimming. he doesn’t like the way they’re shaped and thinks that they make the rest of his body look odd, so he wears loose jeans to hide them. he’s also embarrassed of being embarrassed about them, so nobody knows, not even steve.

dallas:

- emotional intelligence. his lack of emotional intelligence is something he battles with a lot. he understands what people are feeling, but he has a hard time understanding why they feel that way. he says it’s because he’s too tuff to deal with emotions, but deep down he knows it’s because he was thrust into a traumatic childhood so early on that he never had time to build emotional bonds with people that would strengthen his empathy and understanding.

- his past, another canon take. he hates talking about it, even the good stuff, because when he thinks about new york all he can picture is 10 year old dallas watching a man being covered in a white sheet by the paramedics on the side of the road. he thinks about his friends from there and knows they’re all either locked up or dead, and it ruins any enjoyment he gets from reminiscing on the good times.

- health. he definitely has crohn’s or IBS or something else that makes his stomach hurt whenever he eats, and it embarrasses him to no end. he’s always anxious that his stomach is going to start hurting when he’s with the gang and is going to have to find some excuse to leave. he smokes so much while he’s out with them to keep from getting hungry until he gets back to buck’s place.

- his friendships. the shepherd gang is close-knit. then, the curtis’ are brothers, steve has known them forever, and two-bit is outgoing enough to make himself fit in to the group. johnny is the closest person dallas relates to, and it’s the friendship hes the most secure in.

- his smile. he knows smoking ruins his teeth, and he knows they’re crooked all over, and he knows that when he smiles his lips crack and stretch out.

johnny:

- his appearance, canon insecurity. he looks young for his age, and when the gang found him in the lot after he was beaten by Socs, they all started treating him like he was young too. he didn’t think the scar on his face was tuff, it just reminded him of being attacked.

- his voice. this is less about how it sounds and more about him not being able to speak over the shouting at home. he hates yelling, and he won’t stand in to speak up for him cause he’s too afraid of being told to “stop yelling”.

- being average. johnny feels painfully average in everything he does. he’s tried to find a skill that he truly loves and wants to take time to be good at, but he always gets frustrated and quits before he can improve.

- romance. almost every aspect of it terrifies johnny. he doesn’t know what a healthy marriage looks like, what he does know was from Mr and Mrs Curtis, but seeing them die together warped his sense of love. he doesn’t understand why you would want to love somebody so much if you didn’t have to. he doesn’t like the “til death do us part” aspect of marriage, because it makes him feel trapped. he’s not afraid of commitment, he’s afraid that he will end up in a marriage like his parents’ and not be able to leave.

two-bit:

- alcoholism. he’s an alcoholic and he knows it, but he’s been stuck in the vicious cycle of addiction for such a long time that the only way he knows how to cope with the emotional baggage of addiction is to drink more.

- social awareness. as of now, he’s very self-aware and extremely skilled in reading a room, but he didn’t used to be. he used to crack jokes at the wrong time and get scolded for it, and it made him feel horrible. like he wasn’t able to experience all the same sad feelings as everybody else because they reacted differently to the sadness than he did. they wanted to process the sadness while he wanted to ignore it.

- being absent at home. he knows he spends the majority of time at the curtis house, and he also knows that his mother spends the majority of her time at work, which leaves his little sister at home alone. he has a good relationship with her, but he doesn’t like for her to see him drunk, and as his alcoholism progresses, that gets to be more and more often. he knows this, and it’s one of the main reasons he’s so insecure about his addiction, because she’s the one who let him know that it wasn’t a one-way street. his problem affected him and her.

- commitment. two-bit is young, but he feels old enough to know how relationships work. he saw his dad walk out on them, and he was never able to process how you could go from marrying someone to leaving and never looking back. at first, he thought that his dad was just a selfish jerk, but when he met johnny and saw that his parents were also married and simultaneously abusive, he convinced himself that all marriages were bound to end up that way. he believes that if the curtis’ lived longer, they would have eventually gotten bitter and tired of each other, because in his mind, that’s just what couples do.

ponyboy:

- confidence. he has a lot of insecurities, and they’re shared pretty evenly between physical and non physical. he doesn’t like his body or his eyes. he doesn’t like how impulsive and dramatic he is.

- security. not in himself, but in life. he’s permanently on edge, feeling anxious about who’s going to be around the corner and what would happen if he got jumped and how many Socs he’d be able to fight off in case anything happened. his parents’ sudden deaths did not help this. he feels like life is constantly tossing him around, and he never feels completely safe.

- emotional outbursts. this isn’t exclusive to ponyboy, but he struggles with it the most. he hates getting upset with people, and he hates hurting other people’s feelings. when he’s feeling too many things, he starts to speak without a filter and gets mad at the littlest things, and he knows that it makes everybody around him feel bad.

- fitting in. in contrast to johnny’s insecurity, ponyboy wants nothing more than to fit in. he’s tired of being the only greaser in his classes, he’s tired of his isolated taste in movies and theatre, he’s tired of being a track star, and he’s tired of all the pressure put on him since he isn’t average.

steve

- masculinity. his dad always enforces an unrealistic standard of being strong, independent, and logical. steve is inherently all of these things, but the pressure he feels to keep it up weighs him down.

- comparing himself to others. it started in middle school when he noticed all of the people liked sodapop more. from then on he couldn’t help but feel like soda was more attractive and charming, darry was stronger and smarter, two-bit was funnier and cooler, dallas was tougher and unbothered, johnny was more likeable and down-to-earth, and ponyboy was more creative and well spoken.

- addiction. there was a time in steve’s life where he was getting high every day. at first it was fun, but then he had to quit track because he wasn’t as athletic as he used to be. it ruined his health and motivation. he started working on cars more to keep himself busy, and it helped a lot, even got him a job.

- hyperindependence. steve’s biggest character flaw is that he can’t ask for help. whether it’s asking for help in school or asking for soda to hand him a tool in the garage, steve can’t bring himself to do ask. it makes him feel like he’s not good enough to do it on his own.

[harryspet]

caged bird | s.rogers, p.parker & b.barnes

[Warnings] dark!steve rogers x reader, dark!peter parker x reader, dark!bucky barnes x reader, polyamory, prison au, noncon/dubcon sex, this plot scenario is very unrealistic but oh well,  reader makes a deal so she can survive, hella manipulation, dominants/submissive, oral sex (male recieving), hella angst, shower sex, READ AT YOUR OWN RISK

A/N: this is like a really f’d up situation so enjoy :):):) i also wrote this over the span of two weeks so i’m sorry if the pacing is weird and (also x2) this is nowhere near canon

In which you have to make a deal with three devils in order to survive in The Cage.

word count: 4.8k

main masterlist

Your eyelids were heavy though the bright light outside the bus was forcing you awake. Your limbs shackled to the seat, it reminded you that you had lost your freedom so quickly and that you’d probably never have a good night of sleep ever again, “How long?” Your mouth was dry, the heat from the wasteland you were driving through crept through the window. 

“Twenty minutes, princess,” Officer Rumlow looked you over for the millionth time like you were fresh meat ready for the slaughter. His perceptions weren’t far off and that’s what scared you the most. You weren’t cut out for a place like the Cage. 

A week ago you thought this place was fictional, a nightmare tale that was used to scare the new employees. It was still a nightmare but you were now living in it. You thought your heart might explode out of your chest as the facility finally came into view. Five stories of complete concrete surrounded by two, hundred-foot fences and surrounded by a barren wasteland. 

You were the only one on the bus. The Cage rarely received new inmates due to the nature of crimes that the prison was built for. Vigilantes and government traitors. Many used to consider them heroes but they were unregulated and dangerous. That's how they ended up here and, your boss, Alexander Pierce had sold you out to save himself.

“When … W-When am I going to get my phone call?” You asked as the bus entered the gates of the prison, finally stopping at the processing center. 

Rumlow chuckled, walking over to unchain your shackles from the floor of the bus, “Who are you going to call, princess? Mommy and Daddy?” He grabbed you roughly by your upper arm, pulling you out of your seat and dragging you down the steps of the bus. 

You refused to accept that you had been erased. Your parents probably thought you were only missing, not that you had been wrongly accused of betraying the government and had been thrown into the most dangerous prison in the country. 

“They can’t do this,” You winced as your arm stung, “No trial. No jury. T-This is illegal!”

Rumlow ignored you, and you had to pick up your pace in order to not fall down. Your eyes wandered around, the sun nearly blinding you and stinging your skin at the same time. You noticed in the distance a group of male inmates standing behind a wired fence, wearing the same navy jumpsuit as you, and even from far away, you could see cold and hungry glances. 

You thought you were lucky for a minute since you were a woman but then you remembered what kind of women probably lived here. As you were brought inside, past several guards, through metal detectors and pat-downs. 

When you got to the body cavity search, you expected to part way with Rumlow. Standing in a small, cold room, Rumlow stood in the doorway with his hands casually in the pockets of his pants, “Undress, inmate,” Your eyes widened and you quickly crossed your arms, “Slowly, if you don’t mind.”

“I-I do mind,” You said quickly, “I’m supposed to have a female officer-”

“You don’t get those kinds of privileges in the Cage. We don’t separate inmates by gender,” You shook your head as your eyebrows began to furrow. 

“That’s insane-”

“Undress, inmate,” He said more sternly this time, “Or would you like me to do it for you? You’re lucky I don’t make you put on a show for the rest of the guards.”

You shook your head again, tears starting to form in your tired eyes, “Please don’t-” You tried to plead with him but, as you did, you watched him reach for his baton, “Okay, okay!”

Rumlow smiled a wicked smile, “Good. Bend over and cough, inmate. Let me see that cute, little ass of yours.”

+

When you finally got to see a female officer, she was escorting you to your cell. In your hands, you held the rest of your life which included one more set of clothes, bedding, and a toothbrush. You had to eat what the prison provided and you could only earn extra commissary from working. Hela tried to explain everything to you but you were only latching onto every other world. 

You walked along a slim passageway which had cells to the right and a metal railing to the left. There were three floors of cells and they seemed to go all the way around in a circle. Passed the railing and in the middle of the dome was where it seemed most of the inmates were gathered. 

The shouting, laughing, and fighting echoed through the dome and you couldn’t help but think those calls were for you. You could barely carry your bag of things and walk straight without stumbling. If they couldn’t send your weakness from your appearance then they’d surely sniff it out soon. 

“This can’t be allowed,” You whispered to Officer Hela, though her dark hair mixed with the look of death in her eyes didn’t scream “empathy” to you, “There has to be some sort of rule-”

She stopped in front of an empty, six by eight-foot cell which told you that this would be your new home, “You can sit in solitary if you like,” She spoke coldly, “Your meals get brought to you and you don’t have to deal with the animals in here but there’s no time outside. It’s easy to lose track of the days and forget which voices are real and which ones are inside your head. If you prefer to go insane before you die then I’d recommend that route.”

There wasn’t much of a choice to make and you found your feet moving before your brain could register. You stepped inside the cell, setting down your things on the bottom bunk, “A girl like you is going to need to latch onto a group, pledge your allegiance, and do not let them question your loyalty. They live by a different code here and following it is life or death, do you understand?”

You slowly nodded as you listened and part of you was grateful that she wasn’t completely cold, “T-Thank you-”

She scoffed, “Such a precious little thing … I give you a week,” With that, she turned on her heel and you felt hopeless once again, “I’ll escort you to dinner-”

You shook your head, “I’m not hungry.” You were actually starving but you could not yet face the beast. 

She only shrugged and pulled the door closed. The light above you flickered and you stared back down at your bunk. You were holding back your tears as you tried to make up your bed. Staring at the flimsy mattress material only made you more depressed so you decided just to lay down. Facing the wall, your tired eyes roamed over what was scribbled on the walls. 

S.H.I.E.L.D. is evil. 

S.H.I.E.L.D. is corrupt. 

You hated that the words initially sent a wave of anger through you. You hated that you still felt loyal to that group of monsters. You were a low level worker with good standing and they had just sent you to die?

With your face tucked into your arm, you cried yourself to sleep. 

+

The next day you had no choice but to face your fears. You couldn’t go any longer without food and, in a place like this, you needed to keep your energy up. Before the sun was even out, you heard the mechanical click of the cell door. Your favorite officer, Rumlow, made sure to stop by your cell during roll call. 

“So you decided on general population,” He popped the gum he was chewing, looking you over, “I’m sad to hear it, I was gonna visit you every day in solitary but I guess we’ll get some alone time soon enough.”

You scowled at him and a shiver went through you as he continued pass your cell. You were now grateful that you had chosen general population. 

That feeling didn’t last as inmates started moving from their cells down to breakfast. You stayed back, waiting to slip out of your cell when the crowd had passed. You lingered in the back of the line but no one seemed to notice you until you were in the kitchen line. The first reaction was a quiet murmur that went through the group of (mostly) men at the sight of you. 

You didn’t quite match anyone's stature, not even the women. At least they looked like they could take care of themselves. You were sure that your face probably had dark circles and sunken in features. You looked down when you felt someone's eyes on you and you cringed at every word whispered about you. 

“If I could just get my hands on her …”

“I wonder what a little girl like that could’ve done to get in here.”

“I’d be real gentle with her …” “I wouldn’t … I’d make her scream …”

“Move along,” Hela barked at the inmates in the line. You tried to tune them out as a staff member handed you your tray of food. A stale piece of toast, plastic-looking eggs, peaches, and what looked like could be oatmeal. 

It was when you turned away that you felt a pinch on your bottom. You turned around quickly only to find yourself staring at a chest rather than a face. As you looked up, a man with long, dark black hair stared down at you, “Aren’t you adorable?”

“I said move along, inmates,” You looked towards Hela for some sort of help but didn’t receive any. 

When you looked back again, the man had disappeared. You shook it off, figuring that was the least of what you were about to experience today. As you stepped out into the middle of the dome, you remembered the advice that Hela had managed to give you. 

There were cliques formed at each circular, metal table and you looked each one over as you walked past them. Again, people stared and said vile things but you spotted a table where two women were sitting. They were much older than you but the look you got from them was not maternal in the least. 

“Can I… sit here?” You knew the answer based on their thin-lipped scowls. 

You weren’t like any of them … you were fragile. Besides that, you used to work for S.H.I.E.L.D. and the organization was responsible for locking half of these people away. You kept walking, eventually finding an empty table to sit at. 

All you could think about now was eating. You picked at your tray with your plastic fork, and with each bite of the food you cringed. The toast was also completely rock hard, “It helps if you dip it in water,” Your head snapped up as you felt a shadow over you before someone took a seat beside you. 

You weren’t expecting someone so young and you certainly weren’t expecting a friendly smile. You stared at the handsome man with your mouth agape. You hadn’t realized what he meant until you looked back down at the bread in your hands, “Oh … I doubt anything would make this edible-”

He ran his hand through his light brown hair, before reaching into the pocket of his jumpsuit. On the table in front of you, he placed a twinkie. The entire room seemed to go quiet for a moment and you realized that everyone was watching the two of you. 

“I can’t accept this …”

“Of course you can, it’s no big deal,” His brown eyes pierced into yours as he shrugged, “I’m Peter.”

The sugary, process food was calling your name but you still weren’t sure what his deal was, “T-Thank you,” Not wanting to come off rude, you accepted it, unknowingly beginning to seal your fate, “I’m … I’m-”

“Y/N Y/LN,” He finished for you which left your eyes wide with shock, “You’re already famous. The guards like to gossip and it’s rare we get new inmates so people get curious.”

“Oh,” You shifted uncomfortably in your seat. 

“Don’t worry, some people in here care about your charges, how you got here, but not me,” He tried to reassure you, a smile tugging at his lips, “S.H.I.E.L.D. screwed us all and I don’t think there’s a point in playing who’s the better bad guy.”

You looked around. Now that you knew that people knew your charges and your history, you were starting to feel unsettled. The only thing keeping you grounded was him reassuring you that he didn’t care, “How long-” Your voice came out in a whisper, “How long have you been here?”

Peter took a breath as he thought for a moment, “Few years. Now I kinda forget that I was a normal teenager when this all started.”

Years. And he was a teenager when they brought him here? Did they have no limits to their cruelty?

“God,” You breathed out, overwhelmed, “I don’t think I can … do this-”

Peter reached out, placing a calm hand on your arm, “Hey, hey, you have to survive here. Whether you were meant to be here or not, you have to live like this is your reality. Looking like you’re about to vomit is not a good look to everyone else. I saw Loki over there … he’s an asshole touching you like that  but it’s because he’s already sniffed you out.”

You nodded, trying to stay calm, “But I don’t know how to look … to look less weak.”

“For one, you’re going to have to start eating more and building some muscle,” You could tell by his grip on your arm that he was quite strong, “And the next time someone disrespects you, you have to stand up for yourself. You also can’t just bark like a little chihuahua. Maybe you could pick someone out, someone that you could win in a fight against.”

As Peter started to scan the room, you immediately started shaking your hand, “I can’t just attack someone,” You whisper-shouted, your eyes wide with worry. 

Peter chuckled, “Not with that attitude. Maybe you could go for Heather over there,” He eyed a woman who was practically elderly, “She has a cane so even you could probably overpower though I’ve seen here use the thing as a weapon a few times-”

“Peter,” You spoke sharply, “There has to be another way.”

Peter looked into your eyes and you lost hope for a moment until he seemed to perk up, “I have some friends, we kind of run together in this place, looking out for each other,” Peter explained and you listened intently, hoping for a means of survival that didn’t require attacking an old lady, “I could probably convince them to start looking out for you too. But it won’t be easy, we take loyalty very seriously here, and it wouldn’t be without a cost to you.”

“What sort of cost?”

Peter shrugged, “Could be lots of things. They serve plums on Friday and Bucky loves those so maybe you’d show your support to the group by giving him yours. Something like that,” You followed Peter’s finger as he pointed two men out, one with dark hair and the other with light. Both were built like bodybuilders, “Steve’s a respected leader here and maybe you could help run messages for him.” 

You nodded, “T-That sounds fair,” You paused for a moment as the men eyed you, “And for the twinkie? What do you want?”

“Now you’re starting to get it,” Peter grinned, “Eat it and that means you accept our claim. You’re one of us.”

“Can’t I have time to think about it?” 

Peter seemed to hesitate for the first time, “I’m sure you won’t get a better offer,” Your face fell, “But sure. I’d be quick about it though. Those big, doe eyes aren’t going to work on everybody.”

+

The dark-haired one was following you. Loki, Peter called him, hadn’t taken his eyes off you ever since you parted ways with Peter yesterday. He and his greek god, blonde friend were now walking behind you as you made your way through the halls. They were pushing mop buckets, evidently taking a break from their cleaning duty. 

You had gotten lost trying to find the hospital wing and now you were paying the consequences. 

“Little bird … caged and unprotected,” He taunted you and your heartbeat quickened as you tried to keep from looking back,  “Not even the guards want to save her. Poor thing.”

“It seems she’s in need of protecting, brother.”

“Protecting? If I got my hands on her, the last thing I’d think of is being gentle-”

You turned into the first room you passed, expecting to find somewhere to hide but you only seemed to encounter more people. It was the TV room, a staticy old television airing a baseball game was hanging in the corner of the room, and a bunch of men were sitting at different tables. 

They all turned their heads to you as you interrupted and you immediately recognized the two men from Peter’s loyal “group”. Bucky and Steve. Your heart was out of your chest at the point and you found yourself whispering a “sorry” before turning back towards the door. Loki and his brother, however, were waiting patiently. 

Loki leaned in the doorway, eyeing you like you were fresh meat. 

“Is this jackass bothering you, hon?” Your eyes wide with fear, you quickly realized that it wasn’t Loki taunting you. The dark-haired man’s, you remembered Peter calling him Bucky, voice boomed through the room.

You froze.

“Don’t you have toilets to scrub, Laufeyson?” The light hair man with a thick beard spoke, and by the look on his face you could tell he was a man of power. Not so much power-hungry but someone that demanded respect and often received it. 

Loki scoffed, looking over you again, “As far as I know, this one is free territory.”

“Well, this room is my territory and guess where she happens to be standing,” Loki’s jaw clenched at Steve’s words. 

“C’mere, hon,” Bucky spoke to you, signaling to cross the room. She hesitated but only for a moment as you realized your choices were Peter’s friends or letting Loki, have you. You crossed the room cautiously towards them, everyone now looking at you. You paused awkwardly in front of the table but a small yelp left your lip as Bucky grabbed you by the arm, spinning you into his lap. 

“See,” Steve said as you uncomfortably tried your best not to squirm, “Don’t touch things that aren’t yours, Laufeyson.”

You felt a hand clench your thigh and cringed.

“Aye, aye, Captain.”

As soon as Loki stormed away, you stood up, brushing whatever wrinkles had formed in your jumpsuit. Amused, Bucky smiled at you, “You could at least thank us,” Bucky leaned forward and you tried not to scowl. 

“Thank you,” You whispered. 

“Good girl,” Bucky smirked. 

“Lang, get Y/N a chair,” Steve ordered another man in the room. He was quick to obey the command and, even though you were in a new place, you felt you’d been transported into an entirely new planet. 

“You don’t have to-”

“Sit,” Steve said as the chair was placed beside you, “You can leave when you give us an answer to the offer Peter mentioned yesterday.”

You had thought long and hard about Peter’s offer and decided last night that you wanted to reject it. It wasn’t until now that you realized your decision was a mistake. There was no telling when you’d be getting out of this place, Peter had been here for years, and it seemed you were already a target. 

You’d even heard a rumor that the guards placed bets on how long you’d survive in here. 

“Yes …” You nodded your head, “That’s my answer.”

Steve's lips pulled into a small grin as he eyed his friend across the table, “Good choice, doll.”

+

A week later and you were still alive and relatively untouched. Bucky was quite handsy but Peter reminded you that it was just protocol. Everyone had to know that you were a part of their group and that, if you were harmed, they’d have to deal with Steve and his minions. 

Like Peter said, there were quite a few sacrifices you had to make. Your new job in the kitchen allowed you to provide the group with all the food they wanted and when you weren’t working, you were running errands for Steve. You got an idea of all the inmate leaders and how they functioned as a society. 

Steve seemed to be at the very top and you realized the possible consequences of crossing someone like him. Still, you felt more pampered than like you were a part of some elaborate prison gang. Most of your wishes were theirs to grant. 

They let you watch whatever you wanted in the TV room. Bucky always called you pet names that you were starting to grow fond of. Steve had some pull with the guards so Rumlow was never around to bother you anymore. Peter even found you a set of paints to occupy your time in your cell. As long as you followed them around like their cute little puppy, they were quite nice to you. 

“C’mon, run a lap with me. You gotta build your strength,” Peter asked you, his face sweaty and shining under the baking sun. He was shirtless, the shirtsleeves of his uniform wrapped around his waist, and his magnificent physique was on display just like Steve and Bucky’s. During rec time in the courtyard, you’d become accustomed to standing by the fence and watching them lift weights. 

“I’m good, thanks,” You smiled awkwardly, “I get tired just from watching you guys.”

“Peter’s right,” Steve let out a breath as he dropped his hundred-pound dumbbell.

“I just …” Your voice trailed off as Steve eyed you with his strong gaze. You knew that what he said goes but you were growing nervous, “I don’t want to get sweaty.”

“You’re serious?” Bucky chimed in, a curious look on his face. 

“Is that like a girl thing I don’t know about?” Peter flashed you an amused look and your cheeks began to heat with embarrassment. 

“Y/N?” Steve could see that you were hiding something.

You crossed your arms, sighing, “I just don’t want to have to shower, okay?”

“You haven’t showered since you’ve been here?” Peter asked incredulously. 

“I have!” You quickly defended yourself, “I mean, I’ve just been using the sink in my cell.”

“I see what this is about,” Bucky had a knowing look on his face, “Dollface is scared of the communal showers.”

Peter’s mouth formed the shape of an “o” as he realized what was going on. You still felt so embarrassed. It was yet another thing that made you seem totally defenseless. 

“Is that true?” Steve asked and you were beginning to feel overwhelmed by their concerned gazes, “Why didn’t you tell us? Next time, one of us will keep watch for you. No one’s gonna bother you.”

Maybe it was the isolation or the fact that your life would never be the same again. Maybe it was the fact that you’d never see your family again or that you cried yourself to sleep every night. That might be the reason you felt that they genuinely cared for you and why you wanted to fully embrace the comfort that they were providing. 

Maybe that was why you wanted to belong to them. 

+

For the first time, you were reminded of your old life. You weren’t sure how long you’d lost yourself under the water, letting time get away from you, as the warm water cascaded along your skin. The showers had a sorry excuse for water pressure and, despite the creepiness of the beige tiles and flickering light above, when you closed your eyes you were in paradise. 

“All clean, beautiful?” Bucky’s voice brought you out of your trance. Suddenly you were back in the square room with showerheads lining each wall. You wiped the water from your eyes before turning off the water. 

“Y-Yes, I’m almost done!” You shouted back, grabbing your towel from off the hook. You pressed it to your face, drying your skin. You were quite grateful that they’d taken the extra steps to make you feel protected, “Bucky-”

As you turned around, that feeling of gratitude quickly turned to something resembling fear. He was supposed to wait for you outside the bathroom and yet, there he was, only three feet away from you. 

“What are you-”

He looked over you hungrily and you pressed your towel closer to your body, “You have no idea how long it's been since I’ve been with a beautiful woman like you … Steve too. And Peter, he’s just learning the ropes.”

You took a step back, towards the wall, and as you did you caught a glimpse behind Bucky’s towering figure. Both Steve and Peter were here, stalking closer. 

“You said you’d protect me…” Your voice cracked, your hands beginning to shake. 

“We will,” Steve spoke, determined, “No one else but us will touch you.”

“Nothing in here is without a cost, Y/N,” Peter seemed a bit solemn like his current life was not what he wanted it to be but he was just as hungry, if not more, as Bucky. 

Bucky grabbed you then, his eyes impatient, and you wrestled for your towel for only a moment before he easily snatched it away from you. A helpless squeal left your mouth as he grabbed you by the arm with one hand and placed his other hand between your legs. He grabbed your thigh tightly and as his hand moved further up, you found yourself paralyzed. 

“Good girl. You’re going to take all of us,” Bucky spoke quietly, shushing you, his grip growing tighter and tighter. Before you knew it, all three of them were surrounding you, their curious hands wandering over your wet skin. Grabbing your breast, your thighs, turning your face to bite at your neck. 

“Get on your knees,” Steve grunted against your ear, growing impatient like his friend. 

When you didn’t move, Peter was the one to push you down onto the cold floor. You hiccuped, trying not to hyperventilate as they overwhelmed you from each side. As they all started to pull down their clothes, you made one final attempt at trying to crawl away. 

Steve grabbed you by your throat, making your efforts futile, pushing your face towards his crotch. You felt it, hard and throbbing against your cheek, “Open up, don’t make this hard, doll,” Through the corner of your eye, you saw Bucky stroking his own length, waiting patiently for his turn. 

Steve grabbed you by your hair next, pressing your closed lips against his tip. He forced himself in your mouth, “There you go,” Steve grunted, pushing himself deeper, “Move that tongue around.”

Steve Rogers could make your life a living hell in the Cage. Was this really the price you had to pay in order to survive here? You couldn’t imagine it being any worse than this but Steve could make that possible. That’s why you started to swirl your tongue like he said, deciding that their orgasms would end your pain. 

Bucky was much rougher than Steve, pinching your nose closed and enjoying watching your eyes widen and water. He practically touched the back of your throat and still commanded you to stroke Peter and Steve’s cocks with your hands while you took him in your mouth. Somehow, you managed. 

Peter was much more gentle and you were grateful for that. His hands rested softly on the back of your head, guiding your mouth slowly up and down his length, “God, this is awesome,” He cursed, his head tilting back as he enjoyed the stimulation. When he finally finished, his warmth filled your mouth and before you could spit or catch your breath, Bucky grabbed you again. 

He came so far down your throat that you were forced to swallow it but, unlike him, Steve took his time, “This little mouth. Is ours. Every single hole. Is ours. No one else, do you understand?” With each sentence, he thrust hard until he filled your mouth. You leaned over, coughing as you felt the stinging of your sore throat. 

You were about to collapse onto the dirty cold floor when gentle arms lifted you up into a broad chest. You found yourself not fighting, only pressing your face into Bucky’s chest as you began to sob. 

Steve didn’t have to say anything more. You understand your new position and there wasn’t anyone else there to save you from that fate. 

That night you learned there was a change to your cell assignment. You’d sleep in Steve’s arms, a little bird that was safe and protected in it’s cage. 

+

hope you enjoyed!! i’m posting this instead of sleeping because I have class in this morning :) 

[bloodstained-ballgowns]

Things I Loved About Black Widow (2021).

*Spoilers*

Yes it’s been almost two weeks since release. Yes I’ve seen it almost three times now. Yes, all my thoughts are still a jumble. Somewhat ordering them for this post will be difficult.

Honestly, the entire first 53 minutes of this movie is perfect to me. Everything about it. The dialogue, the action, the way it’s able to convey so much without words, how it’s just Natasha, Yelena and Mason, everything is just *chef’s kiss*. (This isn’t to say the remaining 1hr 21mins is bad, it’s just not as perfect as the first act imo)

I have a thing for scores and god bless Lorne Balfe he really understood the assignment on this one. If you haven’t already, take a few minutes to listen to his composition, specifically ‘Natasha’s Lullaby’. I love when you can hear a story in music and I think this score does that really effectively.

Nat speaking Russian! Nat speaking Russian! The way she reverts back to it in the opening scene when she’s scared! I wish we’d gotten more of it honestly, especially in the family dinner scene, even something as simple as ‘pass the salt’.

Also, her Russian accent in the Budapest flashback! It was quiet but definitely there, and it showed that her American one was something she had to train herself back into once she defected, which I appreciated.

“I stashed that like five years ago” Is this a canon hint that Nat hoards her food? Maybe?! I’ll take what I can get to satisfy my headcanons thanks.

Natasha and Yelena’s fight sequence in the apartment is the best fight scene in the movie. No arguments.

So much of my inner monolgue while watching was just ‘imsogayimsogayimsogay”. That much leather and that many piercings??! The BRAIDS?? This movie is for the wlws.

Mason you absolute icon I love how much you care about Natasha I love that you’re sleeping everywhere because same. (You deserved better than to be a Taskmaster misdirect). Please turn up in more MCU properties as Yelena’s contact or something.

“But you’re not a mouse, Melina. You were just born in a cage, but that’s not your fault.” THIS LINE!!!

AND THIS ONE. “You took my childhood, you took my choices and tried to break me. But you’re never gonna do that to anybody ever again.” The emphasis on choice vs children, how it’s always been about bodily autonomy instead of the romanticised horror of sterilisation that Whedon went with. 

“I never let myself be alone long enough to think about it.” I GASPED.

HONOURABLE MENTION: “You didn’t work in the shadows, you hid in the dark,” (or something). There’s something really satisfying about that line. 

Everything about this film is so inherently female, I love it when things don’t reek of testosterone.

I’ve heard some critics say this movie felt really ‘isolated’ and ‘disconnected’ from the rest of the MCU because of the time jump and how many new characters there were and I have to hard disagree there. The appearance of Secretary Ross, name-dropping Tony Stark, and the continued references to the Avengers were not only realistic but also really cemented this oneshot in-universe for me. 

*cue me flapping my hands and opening another draft because every separate point is eliciting another two paragraphs of analysis that I absolutely cannot include on this post or it will never end*. Man I love this movie. See the read-more because this is getting longgg.

Similarly, how it actually carries through on a lot of previous set up, mostly from Avengers 1, like with ‘Dreykov’s daughter’ and “thank you for your co-operation”. I got very nervous when they announced they were going to tackle Budapest because a) I didn’t think anything they came up with would ever live up to the hype people gave that line so it would only end in disappointment and b) I’ve never particularly cared, to be honest. (it was a throwaway line in Avengers 1 that was repeated for nostalgia in Endgame in a context that now makes no sense, forgive me for being indifferent) but I actually loved how it tied everything together.

The way it reclaims her from every male creator that’s handled her (fuck the Russos and M&M) while simultaneously keeping the best of what they managed to foster (again, Avengers 1 is a heavy influence, and rightly so, but it gives a fat middle finger to AOU, also rightly so).

How competent Nat was shown to be without being unbeatable. She fully got her ass handed to her a couple of times, and yes, it’s very unrealistic that she was able to go through two car accidents, fall off that bridge, out of that window and then out of the sky without being seriously injured, but we finally got to see the physical manifestations of some of that pain! She was holding her ribs when she got out of the water, the bruises on her back, the dislocated shoulder, and the blood splatters were actual splatters when she broke her nose rather than delicate dabs.

This might be an unpopular one, because I know this was what a lot of people were expecting more of, but I was glad Natasha’s youth in the Red Room was confined to the opening credits. The aftermath of that training and Natasha as a product of it has always been more fascinating to me than the actual event.

As an older sister myself, the dynamic between Natasha and Yelena really struck home for me. Yelena’s pride in Nat and need for approval and validation from Natasha in conflict with realising Nat’s flaws, wrestling with her disappointment, seeing how human Nat is, were perfectly portrayed by Florence Pugh. I could completely relate to Nat, who, despite trying to convince herself otherwise, couldn’t fight her fierce protective instinct and specific brand of unconditional love that only an older sister will ever feel. 

A diverse set of Widows!

I was pleasantly surprised at the amount of comics references in this movie. The frame where she jumped through the fire from the Waid/Samnee run, the pheromonal lock.

Now I have my problems with Scarlett Johansson, but I came out of this movie with a lot of respect and a little bit of pride in her. It’s clear that she put her everything into this movie, both as an actor and executive producer. She obviously cares immensely about Nat and how she’s portrayed, and it’s clear from interviews that the things she loves and finds fascinating about Nat are the same as the fans. (I also feel a little bit sorry for the way she’s getting brushed over in the coverage in favour of a new and shiny Florence Pugh, so this is me expressing some ScarJo-as-Natasha appreciation).

A big question I had going in was, ‘Natasha’s always reflecting the people around her, but what’s she like when she’s alone, and has only her own mind for company?’ and this movie really answered that for me. Seeing her out of her suit and wearing clothes that were for her, not for a cover or a mission, seeing her drink beer and eat ice cream and let her hair dry while watching a Bond film she’s obviously seen many times before, it was all perfect. The scenes in the caravan were a huge step for humanising women in action movies. 

I’ll probably be adding to this post a lot because this movie will not leave my mind and new things are occurring to me at the most random points. 

See my ‘Things I...didn’t like as much about Black Widow’ post here.

[jonsa101]

New Amsterdam Season 3x7: The Groundwork to Heal and Rebuild

Last night’s episode truly blew me away. It’s definitely one of the best episodes in the series. To be honest, I was incredibly anxious about how the show would handle systemic racism in the healthcare system but I think the writers did a beautiful job. I love how they have redirected Max’s story. It truly is a great character shift. Max has gone from the “how can I help” guy who tries to solve everything and usually always succeeds at it, to the guy who fails miserably and in frustration even throws in the towel. It’s so refreshing because the Max we had before this shift was unrealistic. This season is so good because this season feels real and authentic and Max though idealistic, is finally getting a big dose of reality in how he operates. I don’t think the show is ever going to give us season 1 or 2 Max again and that’s a good thing! That means our male lead is finally growing and evolving. It’s character development baby and we love to see it!  I also love where the storyline is going for Helen. I have always had a head canon that Helen has some wild baby sister that would pop into her life to live with her and Helen would look out for her and take her under her wing. The story line with Meena is way better than my head canon and kinda falls in line with what I’ve always imagined. I’m so happy that Helen has a niece and that she’s moving in with her! This is literally the PERFECT ROLE for Helen. There’s nothing better than having a character who struggles with being vulnerable than literally having an unexpected character show up to shake things up and unroot the vulnerabilities/traumas said character has yet to deal with.  

A lot of people couldn’t understand why Helen gave up her relationship with Cassian because of her niece but I completely understand where she’s coming from. Helen is completely out of her depth here. She wanted a baby and had know plans to take in her brother’s child let alone a teenager. This is completely new territory for her and the stress of having to juggle this new role, a new relationship and her already hectic job at New Amsterdam was probably overwhelming. Like most people who have a type A personality, she is doing what she feels like she has to do to get ready. Meena moving in with Helen is purposeful on so many levels and there are three things I’m expecting to see on screen because of it.

First, we are going to see so much more of Helen on a personal level. I fully expect to see Helen’s home life way more frequently as we see her step into this aunt/mother role and raise a teenager. This is not going to be a walk in the park. Helen is going to STRUGGLE. Meena will more than likely push Helen’s buttons to know end and and bring out all the vulnerabilities that she tries so hard to keep down. It will be probably be a bit ugly at first but as Helen and Meena start to bond and find common ground, Helen will FLOURISH. We will see her at her best as she thrives in this aunt/mother role. Second, Meena is absolutely going to peep the feelings that Max and Helen have for each other and she’s going to let her opinions be known. For the most part, teenagers know how to read the room and I’m pretty sure Meena will be know different. As Helen and Meena grow closer and as she possibly interacts with Max as well, I’m pretty confident Meena will say something and play a small part in pushing Max and Helen together. Of course this is just a prediction but usually a third character calls out the obvious “Unresolved Sexual Tension” between love interests and my money is on Meena! Third, I don’t think it’s a coincidence that Helen stepped down from deputy medical director to step into this aunt/mother role as Max tries to be a single father to Luna while also trying to fill a mother void in Luna’s life. When we were heading into the season finale and going into season 2, I wrote a meta detailing my thoughts about how I felt about Helen deciding to be Max’s doctor again. I didn’t necessarily agree with the decision because I believed that Helen needed to remain true to the emotional and professional boundaries she was trying to set for herself. I also believed that because it was indicated Max and Helen had feelings for each other, her role needed to shift going forward in their relationship. It took two seasons but Helen’s role has finally shifted! 🙌🏾 She is no longer Max’s doctor or deputy medical director and for once Max no longer has the crutch/excuse of trying to navigate how he feels about her through that lense!!! THIS IS HUGE!!!

Max now has to truly sit there with his feelings and feel the absence of not going to Helen for everything because of the necessity of the roles she once had in his life. He will quickly come to terms with the fact that not only is he in love with her but he’s truly wants and needs her as his LIFE PARTNER! On top of that, Ryan has literally been teasing that Max is looking for not only a partner but a mother/mother role for Luna and he’s trying to figure that out fast (I will literally link the article). Max already knows Helen’s desire to be a mom but he will literally get the chance to see Helen step into that role with Meena! This isn’t by accident and it’s all purposeful. I’ve said this a hundred times and I’ll say it again, the showrunners are setting the groundwork for them to get together this season. Something has shifted. There’s a deep longing and desperation behind Max and I genuinely believe that he is consumed with his feelings for her. Through a bathroom door he was trying to convince Helen to be co-medical director to help battle systemic racism but while he’s trying to convince her, through subtext, he is essentially asking her to be his partner in life! I saw someone mention on Twitter that it was basically a proposal in a joking manner but honestly, that’s exactly what it was. It was a subtext laced proposal! His feelings are so all consuming that he can’t truly stay on the topic at hand!!! I think Max is on the verge of the floodgates bursting wide open and he is going to lay everything out on the table. Also, seeing Max’s behavior last night oddly reminds me a bit of Mr. Darcy in the Pride and Prejudice. Don’t get me wrong, Mr. Darcy and Max don’t have the same mannerisms but the depth of the feelings they have for their love interests and how it manifests feels the same. I’ll get into this more at the conclusion of this meta.

Anyway, when I look at the season in it’s entirety so far, I see the show setting up two people that both have to develop and heal in specific areas so that they can eventually come together by the end of the season. Helen is struggling with vulnerability, feeling like she’s running out of a time with the desires she truly wants in life and now in the most unexpected way is being thrust into aunt/motherhood. Max’s idealism has been completely rocked by the pandemic and now more than ever he’s forced to be more self aware of his actions and needs to evolve from the chronic hero syndrome. He’s also essentially stepping into fatherhood again as he tries to learn and navigate being a single dad and making Luna his first priority. I think for a time Max and Helen will need to face their issues head on by themselves but as they go through their own healing journeys, they’re going to need each other. Also, they’re DEEPLY IN LOVE so even though it seems like they’re drifting a part it’s only going to be temporarily. Eventually, they’ll start “burdening” each other again.

Another important point that I want to bring up is this. In the last meta that I wrote, I mentioned how I believed that Max needs to go above and beyond to try meet Helen’s needs and support her and I genuinely believe that we will see that throughout this season. In last night’s episode, after he poured his heart out and told her that he’s grateful that she’s there with him, Helen resigned as deputy medical director. The old Max would have put up a fight and put his needs before hers because he wants her there with him but despite it being painful, he accepted her resignation. That’s growth! Taking Helen out of the equation as his number two at the hospital is going to make him so much more aware of her needs in her personal life rather than the needs of the hospital. They’re relationship has always been so intertwined with their work at New Amsterdam that Max hasn’t learned to truly prioritize Helen outside of that but this season he’s definitely going to. The absence of Helen in his literal everyday work life with the combination of his overwhelming feelings will eventually lead to a wild pursuit. A pursuit to know her heart, her wants, her needs and most importantly a pursuit to be with her.

My last point is this! I’ve made some pretty bold predictions this season about where I see Max and Helen going. Again, I think something MASSIVE is on the horizon and I honestly still think that by the end of this season Max and Helen might very well be engaged!! I don’t know Fam they’re just giving me this vibe especially Max! Last night solidified to me that he is getting to a place where his feelings are beginning to overwhelm him. This brings me back to Mr. Darcy. I believe Mr. Darcy and Max are at the same emotional level when it comes to how they feel about their significant others. When it was to much to bare for Mr. Darcy not only did he declare his love for Elizabeth but he proposed. He literally went from 0-100. Though Elizabeth rejected his first proposal, he proposed again and the second time around they had both done the work that they needed to in order to understand each other better and realize that they loved each other. I can’t help but think of Darcy saying

“You have bewitched me body and soul and I love I love I love you. And wish from this day forth never to be parted from you.”

Is it just me or is Max acting a little bit like Helen has bewitched him body and soul? He’s all over the place when it comes to her lately and his body language has changed too! Did anyone else peep how closely Max and Helen were sitting next to each other? It was so intimate for a second I thought they were going to kiss or he was going to grab her hands. I don’t know it just screamed desire to me. Also, this ongoing theme were he tells her that he “can’t do this without her” or he’s grateful that “she’s here with him” to me is in the same light of Darcy telling Elizabeth that he never wants to be parted from her. From season two onwards Max has openly expressed wanting/needing Helen by his side. Now that we are in season 3, it seems like Max need for this has only gotten deeper. I make this comparison to say that the underlying vibe of how we are seeing Max and Helen unfold this season to me points to something incredibly tangible happening between them at season end.

The thing about Max and Helen is that yes, they are a slow burn but at the same time they’re also a 0-100 type of couple. I want to write another meta to explain this in detail but what I’ll say here is that if circumstances were different in season 1 and Max wasn’t married, Max and Helen would have probably been the type of couple who got married within a couple of months of knowing each other. Also, from my perspective, once Max and Helen finally let each other know how they really feel, it’s not going to be a thing where they’re just dating like with Cassian or Panthaki. It’s going to be like it’s a wrap, I’m all in, you are my person, this is it for me type thing. It’s going to be commitment! I feel like people forget but this show started in 2018. In September it will be four years since the show premiered. Granted COVID happened in 2020, but essentially Max and Helen have been doing this tango for awhile now. The expectation should be that we are finally going to see things come into fruition in a major way this season because that’s 1000% what I believe. Everything in my gut is telling me that the time is now and they are setting them up to do groundwork to heal so that they can rebuild together. A new chapter for them is on the horizon and I’m so excited about it!

[vickyvicarious]

4 of your headcanons for Maya Fey, please.

Headcanon A:  realistic

Maya often seems childish to people who don’t know her very well, but she’s actually a very capable person. Her joie de vivre and unabashed appreciation for things like children’s cartoons, combined with her lack of interest in a lot of more ‘adult’ pasttimes like drinking makes her seem naïve to a lot of people. However, she can cook and clean for herself without trouble, knows how to do her taxes, does her own laundry. She has a driver’s license and a passport, and if dropped in a foreign city would be able to confidently find her way. She took Pearl in when she was barely a legal adult and took excellent care of her, raising her with love and encouraging her to explore her own interests. She always looks for the best in people, but has plenty of experience with real villains, and is brave in situations that would terrify most people. Despite long-running jokes about her being a danger magnet, in a lot of basic life skills she’s ahead of many people she knows (*cough* Phoenix *cough*).

Headcanon B: while it may not be realistic it is hilarious

Maya writes Steel Samurai fanfic. She’s got a fandom-favorite fic that is pretty epic in not only length, but also in show and historical detail and characterization. Her fics often deal with her own traumas and experiences and can be very cathartic, but most relevant for this headcanon is that she makes Phoenix beta kissing/sex scenes for her. Maya’s ace and not at all interested in doing her own research when she can just send her porn to her best friend and force him to have to correct her on whether or not that position is feasible. She doesn’t make him read the rest of the fic, but will very casually send an email that’s 7,000 words of smut with no warning whatsoever. Or a text asking explicit questions without any context. She is the sole reason Phoenix has a password on his phone now.

Headcanon C: heart-crushing and awful, but fun to inflict on friends

Maya has a very real anxiety about being left behind or alone. Her mother left her as a toddler and she never really got to meet her again. She never knew her dad. Mia left Kurain and then died. On top of all that, she has several times been trapped all alone in very traumatic life-or-death situations where she was unable to get to anyone. Furthermore, her role as Master of Kurain requires a lot of solo or very private training. Every time Maya goes off on her own, she feels very anxious that she’ll be forgotten by her friends. Or even that she will be the one to leave them behind, not on purpose but through her own death. She knows better in her head, that they love her and that despite her history there’s no inherent danger of terrible things happening to people out of her sight (or to her, once she’s away from them) but the fear is always still there. Some quiet part of her has made peace (several times over by now) that she will probably die alone someday, and it terrifies her.

Headcanon D: unrealistic, but I will disregard canon about it because I reject canon reality and substitute my own.

They’ll never go into this in canon, but in my head Maya overhauls Kurain village completely. She makes certain that the children there are given a choice whether or not they want to learn spirit channeling, that there are firm support systems in place for those who have difficult home lives. There’s an emphasis on having girls and on maintaining tradition above all else, often to the detriment of families and individuals, and she takes action to counter that sort of harmful culture. Maya makes sure there’s more than just the one bus or one phone booth. She helps educate people on the outside world, and proves to them all that their traditions and culture won’t be forgotten in the process. Under Maya’s leadership, there’s a lot more diversity and personal freedom, but there is genuine interest in Fey culture too. She teaches little girls how her spirit channeling has made real, tangible differences in so many people’s lives, saving many of them. She brings in a lot more business than was seen even before Misty’s time, but in an environment that is so much healthier for all the actual residents of the village. And most of all, she gets rid of the main family/branch family divide, making the position of Master one that is dependent on skill level rather than any inheritance, and eventually peacefully steps down to allow Pearl take on the role once she feels ready and has clearly surpassed Maya’s own skill. In future years, Maya will be remembered as being as influential and significant a figure as Ami Fey, someone who saved an art that was dying out.

.

send me a character to get four headcanons!

[arvandus]

The Todoroki Family Arc: Dabi and Representation for Abuse Victims

Something I’d like to address regarding all of this Todoroki family discourse is the importance of representation for abuse victims, specifically when it comes to the topic of forgiveness.  Many of us who are victims of abuse aren’t willing to forgive our abusers, and there is nothing wrong with taking that stance.  The concept of forgiveness of abuse is an especially hard pill to swallow when that forgiveness is for the sake of the abuser and not the victim (i.e., in this case, forgiveness for the sake of Enji’s redemption arc).  So this makes the current Todoroki family/Endeavor redemption arc so incredibly difficult to read, as all of the ‘good’ Todorokis are either already willing to forgive (or on their way to forgiving) Enji's long-term, narcissistic abuse.

It’s true that in canon Enji has explicitly stated that he’s not asking for forgiveness and that his family members don’t have to forgive him.  Whether or not he truly understands what that means is up for debate (I’ve got a lot to say on Enji’s redemption arc, but that’ll be for another post).  But for the sake of this post, let’s state that he genuinely means it, which would be great as it shows an awareness on his part of how unforgivable his actions are.  This great and all, except the words lose their weight/significance when every single ‘normal’ family member is on track to forgive him.  It would hold much more weight to show he doesn’t get forgiven by everyone, which will require him to at least to some extent, live with the consequences of his actions (e.g., being alone/ostracized from some family members).

So, let’s go through the Todoroki family members who are in the process of forgiving, have already forgiven, or are on their way to forgiving Enji, and how I personally respond to their forgiveness. Of course, all of this will be heavily influenced by my personal opinions and personal experiences, however I think that’s fair – as a person who’s endured long-term childhood abuse from a parent, I’d hope that my opinions (and others like me) will have some weight in the conversation surrounding domestic violence, even within the context of fiction.

Rei:

Rei has shown signs of starting to forgive Endeavor as evidenced by defending him to her children.

I do appreciate that she states that she’s still too scared to see her husband, and that the doctor states it’s not a good idea.  That all makes perfect sense.  But the idea that she’s willing to give him a chance to redeem himself because he sends her flowers?  I absolutely cannot identify with this in any which way.  Her marriage was forced by Endeavor, her sole purpose to bear him cold/hot quirk children.  She may have later grown to love him, who knows; we do know she was willing at least have Fuyumi with him, since she suggested it… (although there is a lot to unpack around that too, which I’ll also save for a different post). Even if she did love Enji (and a part of her may still love him, as some of us may feel towards our abusers) she went through YEARS of abuse to the point that she had a psychotic break and had to be institutionalized.  To suggest that she’s willing to begin the road of forgiveness because he sends her flowers is just completely unrealistic, and I personally can’t identify with her at all (also, as a sidenote: if my abuser and the cause of my psychosis, who I’m too afraid to see, is sending me gifts, the last thing I would want would be to see those gifts displayed in my room as a constant reminder of them).

 Fuyumi:

It’s clear that Fuyumi is well on her way to forgiving her father (if she hasn’t done so already).

Fuyumi wants nothing more than to piece her family back together, which is entirely fine if that’s what she wants.  What bothers me however, is that she’s willing to do so by sweeping the family drama under the rug in an attempt at keeping the illusion of a healthy, loving family (i.e., one that’s not broken by abuse). Why can’t she have this happy family with her brothers and her mother?  Why does she feel the need to have Enji in that family picture, considering all he’s done to them?  Her whole “it would make your sister happy” is, in my opinion, guilt-tripping and selfish. I don’t think she’s a mean person, and she may not be aware that her behavior could be damaging.  But her motivations are clearly self-focused, as she’s not willing to address her family’s issues in a way that validates everyone’s feelings. She just wants everyone to ‘play nice.’

It’s this dismissive behavior, a willingness to overlook the harm of the abuser for the sake of trying to keep a semblance of normalcy when things clearly aren’t normal, that has me label her as an abuse apologist. It’s not intended to be malicious of course; I do think she believes she means well.  But how does ignoring the abuse her family endured help anyone?  Will this ever get addressed by Horikoshi?  TBH, I doubt it, but we’ll just have to wait and see.  But one thing is for sure, she’s definitely the most forgiving out of all of her siblings.

 Natsuo:

I love this guy.  Truly.  So far, he’s probably the MOST relatable for me…

Look at that.  Beautiful.  I love it. It’s everything I want.  He’s unforgiving, holding his long-time abusive father accountable (regardless of how good of a hero he is), while still being a good person (lookin’ at you, Dabi…) all in one breath.

SO… why am I including him in this? Natsuo so far seems to be holding out, but I wouldn’t be surprised if Horikoshi writes him in the direction of forgiveness, especially after this Dabi/Touya reveal. I feel like there’s already been hints at it, and it’s just a matter of time before he inevitably gets written as forgiving his father as well.

Here, you see his mother’s words getting into his head; he’s thinking heavily about what she’s said to him.  He doesn’t like the idea of his father looking for redemption, and holds his own disbelief around his father “trying to make sense of it all.”  But clearly he values his mother’s opinion on the matter, which will have an impact on his own views/beliefs.  Plus, the added pressure of seeing his other family members forgive his father will also have an impact on his stance, either by making him dig his heels in further in resistance, or by accepting their stance on it and as such be one step closer to forgiving Enji himself.

Here, he’s hearing Enji’s words and recalling Midoriya talking to Shouto earlier in the evening. He’s drawing a parallel between what it means to be a kind person and what it means to forgive. It’s followed up by his father’s confession of atonement, which clearly has an impact on Natsuo.  His experience here is visceral and entirely relatable; while Enji’s words may sound nice and genuine, it does little to assuage Natsuo of the painful memories he harbors and the damage that his father has caused over the years.

He’s still holding stubbornly onto his anger, unwilling to forgive… but the way it’s playing out, it’ll only be a matter of time. Maybe it’ll be yet another near-death experience for Endeavor, this time by Touya’s hand.  Or maybe he’ll feel that deep cut of betrayal from Touya/Dabi that makes him let go of his own anger/darkness in his heart out of a fear of letting it consume him the way it did his older brother.  Either way, I see it ending up there.  We don’t know for certain yet, of course… but my money is on Natsuo forgiving his father by the end, so I’m holding back on getting too attached.

 Shouto:

Shouto also seems to be becoming more open to forgiveness, despite all he’s gone through (and witnessed his mother go through). There’s a lot surrounding why this may be… perhaps it was watching the near-death experience of Enji in the battle with High-End… (which, hey, watching someone you care about nearly die, even if that person is your abuser, would be rough to watch).

Or watching his father be a badass hero (because let’s face it, Enji is an excellent fighter) that the public looks to for hope. Keep in mind, this happened after Enji had told Shouto he wanted to be worthy of the #1 position and  of being Shouto’s father; so Enji has just shown to Shouto that he’s (at least by Hero Society’s standards) worthy of being #1, and now he’s trying to make amends with his family (mm, check out that need for validation…).

 Clearly, Shouto is giving his father a chance to redeem himself.

And, of course, we have this page as well, which draws the comparison of being a kind person also being a forgiving person (which, quite frankly, isn’t true - you can definitely be a kind person and still not forgive someone who’s done long-term harm to you).  Regardless, it’s clearly being shown that Shouto is obviously heading into forgiveness.  Once again, the forgiveness itself isn’t bad… it’s how it’s being portrayed.  As someone who’s been abused by someone who’s supposed to take care of them and love them, I can say with certainty that you don’t really care that much about how good that person is at their job. It shouldn’t matter that Enji is a great hero; he’s always been a great hero (that’s why he was second only to All Might). What matters is how Enji is as a father, and it’s well established that he’s failed his entire family, by choice, for years. Shouto states as such to him, saying he’ll watch to see what kind of father he becomes.  But this follows immediately after the battle with High-End, which implies that Shouto is basing his willingness to forgive his father off of Enji’s heroics and public acceptance as the symbol of hope.  Why this would sway Shouto’s view of his father enough to consider forgiveness for years of physical and psychological damage escapes me.

Now, let’s be clear that forgiveness of an abuser isn’t impossible, but it’s certainly not an easy task.  Additionally, the decision to forgive hinges on a lot of things, including whether or not the abuser is worthy of forgiveness (i.e., are the crimes he’s committed against his family redeemable?  Is he truly genuinely feeling guilty about what he’s done? Does he understand the magnitude of what he’s done?  Is he acting selflessly, or is his quest for redemption rooted in selfishness (e.g., need for acceptance, a way to hold onto one’s power/importance within the family dynamic, etc.)?).   In many cases, especially cases where the abuse is long-term as it’s portrayed as being for the Todoroki family, and as mine was growing up, forgiveness isn’t really on the victim’s mind.  The damage done by the abuser is so long lasting, leaving a permanent imprint on how we think, act, and behave.  It shapes us, especially when it occurs in the formative years of childhood, affecting how we connect with others and how we view ourselves.

So, sharing a few contrite moments with the abuser (in this case, Enji) and seeing some positive situations (e.g., watching him kick ass on TV, be kind to his kids, etc.) do little to persuade me into forgiveness of a man who willingly, repeatedly, chose to abuse his family for at least a decade.  His abuse was physical, mental, and emotional.  Even if his desire for redemption is genuine, the quickness with which the good characters here begin to forgive him feels slightly forced for the sake of his redemption arc, and is therefore unrelatable.  And that is the crux of the issue.  Enji’s redemption should be just as much about the healing of his victims as it should be about him (if not more so).  However, that doesn’t seem to be the case.  So, what we get is a family portrayal that is in favor of the abuser.

So, all of the ‘good’ Todorokis are working toward forgiveness of their abuser.  Great. So, where does that leave those of us who aren’t on board with forgiveness? Those of us who see our own abuse, our own history, within this story and are not (and will not) ever forgive our abuser for entirely reasonable and justifiable reasons? Where is our representation in a story that, for all intents and purposes, is meant to be about the ramifications of abuse (and by proxy, victims of abuse)?

Our only remaining choice?  Dabi, of course... the psychopath who’s bent on destroying his abuser’s life and the hero society that’s, in some ways, created and supported him.

I think a major reason Dabi is so loved by some of us is that we can identify with that anger, that need for retribution/justice.  Are all of us entirely on board with how Dabi has decided to go about this retribution by doing whatever it takes no matter who it hurts or what innocent lives are lost? No, of course not.  But in a story where we’re looking for a sense of justice, where the long-term serial abuser DOESN’T get to walk away free with his abused family still by his side/supporting him, what other options do we have?  He’s the ONLY ONE who seems to be willing to hold Enji accountable for what he’s done and who sees the hypocrisy in his position as a symbol of hope in contrast to who he has been behind closed doors with his family.  So THAT is what we’re defending when we defend Dabi.   We’re NOT defending his murders, or him attempting to kill his brother, or ANY of that.  We might understand where that darkness is coming from/what’s caused it and empathize with it, but we don’t EXCUSE it.

Now, obviously the story isn’t finished yet, so there’s no way to know for sure where Horikoshi will take this redemption arc. We don’t know if all of the family members really will forgive Endeavor or not, and if Enji will ever be fully welcomed into the family fold.  The airing of the Todoroki family’s dirty laundry and its impacts on shining a light on the cracks in hero society give me hope. Also, the diversity across the Todoroki family of how each person copes that that abuse is also well done. That’s why I’m still invested in this story, that’s why I’m still reading it. But we only have what we’ve been shown to go on, and at the moment, there are major aspects of this story that are lacking.  The diversity in how each family member handles their abuse and their relationship with their abuser starts to lose its impact when that diversity is gradually washed out in favor of universal forgiveness. 

Also, where the manga is currently at gives me concern about the kind of message this story is sending to its readers.  I often see others say: “it’s just fiction, relax.”  Yes, it is fiction.  And when we read fiction, we all search for a piece of ourselves within the story.  You can’t have a story that centers around domestic abuse and not have abuse victims gravitate towards it, hoping for accurate representation.  And most importantly, even though this is ‘just a story,’ what message is it sending when the only person not willing to excuse/forgive Enji is a psychopath who’s been driven insane by his father’s abuse (and possible by his family’s inability/unwillingness to address said abuse)?  What message does it send to abuse victims? What message does it send to those who have never experienced abuse and are learning about it through this fictional representation? To say that this isn’t relevant in a real-world way is inaccurate at best and damaging at worst; and even if it may not hold relevance for some within a real-world setting, for many of us it does and as such the implications and impacts of it should be respected, even if you may not agree with it.  In short, for some of us, this is personal.

Now, do I think that every family member should curse Enji into the sun?  No, as satisfying as that would be for me.  I’d be perfectly happy if some family members forgive and some don’t.  Why?  Because it’s realistic.  It makes sense, because it depends on each character’s unique, personal experiences. Some will forgive, some won’t, and some will continue to defend and provide excuses for said abuser – all of these positions within the abused family dynamic are real and exist.  I just wish BNHA would also allow a space for us abuse victims who aren’t willing to forgive – a space that isn’t villainized.

[musette22]

Some Spoilers for TFATWS ahead (I know you didn't watch the episode, but I saw you replying to some asks that you know some things that happened in the first episode, so I'll let you decide if you want to read and answer this).

After watching this first episode and seeing Bucky still dealing with the trauma and guilt of being the Winter Soldier, I just can't stop hating Steve's ending in EG even more. It's so unrealistic for him to leave Bucky feeling like this after everything he's done to get him back and protecting him. The writers of EG really were so sloppy and just enforcing heteronormativity, it's makes me so angry. They destroyed Steve's character so much...

Ask 2: Now that I have started watching FATWS with Bucky going to therapy. It really is impossible for me to believe that SR would not be there every step of his way to complete recovery 😭

I got two very similar asks about this aspect of the show so I’ll just answer them both with one reply, hope that’s ok!

Actual Steve wouldn’t just leave Bucky like that, my loves. Never ever ever. It’s completely ludicrous and makes no sense whatsoever. Steve’s decision to leave was incredibly out of character, not just for fanon but also for canon Steve, as we’ve seen and gotten to know him in the movies leading up to EG. Like first anon said, the writers and other people responsible for that ending made a huge fucking mess of Steve’s arc right at the very end, and tfatws just seems to cement that. I think most of us could’ve done without the confirmation lol, but hey, the show is also bringing a lot of good things that make it more than worth having been made, so we’ll just celebrate those bits while (once again) ignoring the bits of it that are just... incorrect or plain old stupid lol. Sending love to you both! ❤️

[masterhandss]

Hamefura Ep. 11 - The Geordo Kiss Scene

I’m surprised. The anime production team really does butcher Geordo’s character, to the point where scenes from the original materials are unloyal or the scenes that they do add don’t fit with his character. Shockingly this episode is one of the few moments where they get it right. Ironically, I was waiting for this episode in hopes that they wouldn't change anything in this scene, but apparently not changing anything in of itself is the new problem.

For once, the scene that people don’t like is from the canon material instead of being an anime original. huh, would you look at that.

I don’t know if this scene was included in the original web novel, and I don’t exactly know how to check, but to those who are asking on their tags and posts, yes this scene is in the light novel (Volume 2 Side Story p. 273, according to my copy). It’s that scene that everyone keeps asking me context about. 

There’s so much I want to say, but I know there’s nothing that I can really do to excuse this scene. Realistically, I can see why people would hate this scene because of the lack and consent and the image that Geordo might be taking advantage of the situation. Maybe anime and fiction has altered my perception of what’s okay and not okay in the real world, but I understand that while a kiss without consent might be romantic in anime, in the real world it’s creepy and can be considered as sexual assault.

I’m mostly writing this to share with everyone why I think this scene is okay, as a light novel reader who was waiting (but didn’t expect) for this scene to get animated. 

I know there’s nothing I can really say to defend this scene to everyone, but you know, have some context anyway.

It’s important to note that while the anime seems to have left it out, it says in the light novels that if Katarina condition is bad because if she remained asleep and didn’t intake any food or water for days, that’s when her body will become weak and slowly die. It’s sort of implied in the anime, but without it being stated verbally, you might not know that this isn’t just a matter of her not waking up anymore.

My mom is a doctor, and she said that a person would like at least 9 days without food or water. The information changed based on where you look, so of course my mom might not completely accurate, but here’s what it says when I look it up on google. 

You can go without food for a long time, but water is the problem. Again, researchers vary depending on where you look, but the general rule of thumb is that a person can last for 3 days without water, depending on their age and nutritional necessity. 

Alan (i think?? don’t correct me lol) noted that Katarina has been for 2 days.

I don’t know about you guys, but I eat a lot. I’m so used to eating a lot that if I skip two meals, my hunger is so bad that it gets in the way of me doing normal things. That could just be me of course, some people can go a day without eating and getting hungry after all. Without the medical equipment today to take care if me if I ever got into a state of comma, I would probably die within 3 days.

But we’re talking about Katarina here. She, who is always hungry and is always looking for something to snack on. I get that this is an anime/fictional series so they can play out the hunger bit to an unrealistic degree, but if we’re going to put the Geordo Kiss Scene to real world standards, then I think it’s only fair that we do that to Katarina’s metabolism as well, to some extent. Apparently an unconscious person’s energy depletion is very very slow so there’s no danger of her getting as hungry as she does when she’s awake, but you know that’s still something worth nothing

Anne was trying to feed her some water in hopes that her situation might change, but also because she’s aware that the lack of water intake might kill her before the lack of food intake, which is obviously why she is prioritizing water. 

I don’t know if anyone else got the same idea, but I got the implication that she had been trying for a while, but the water keeps slipping out of her mouth, like it was shown in the anime. It’s not like they have any dextrose in the world of hamefura, so there’s not a lot of ways that Anne can feed her water. 

And then we arrive at the kiss scene. 

Geordo, who realized thanks to Anne that her lack of food and water might do her in, take the water and uses his own mouth to feed Katarina with water. It’s important to note that unlike Anne’s attempts, Geordo’s worked, and (you guys might find this even more creepy but) he did it several times in order to provide her with the water that she lost in those two days.

Again, I can see why people might think that he took advantage of the situation, but I just didn’t get that impression. I saw it as reverse CPR in a way, and someone on the hamefura reddit discord said it was more like a mother bird feeding it’s chicks with its own mouth. 

They don’t know when Katarina will wake up, and again dextrose probably doesn’t exist in hamefura so they have no means to feed her. It felt like a desperate attempt to feed her rather than anything malicious. I mean this isn’t about kissing her because he loves her, it’s a matter of kissing her in order to have her drink water. 

I guess it’s kind of hard to put myself in the headspace of those who hated this scene, because I thought it was fine, but I always thought that the reasoning (feeding her water so she wont get dehydrated) overpowered the subtle creepiness of the scene (kissing her without consent). That might just be me. 

He didn’t do it with any malicious intent in mind, and did it because he was too scared to lose her. 

Of course, people who did read that scene in the LN might bring up the fact that after the scene (or flashback, as it was in the LN), Geordo does reminisce about the experience and hoped to have kissed her more, or what i’ll call as the “Post- Comatose Scene” and yeah okay that did feel kinda creepy, but he thought of that while being in the presence of the entire harem, watching them as they try to take away Katarina’s attention. 

He thought of it like that because the post-scene was about him monologue-ing about Katarina’s relationships with everyone and how she’s being taken away father from him by his friends. I think i’d like to excuse that post-scene because at that time, his irritation for the harem and desire to become closer to winning Katarina over was taking over his mind. He thought of it with the desire to bring himself a few steps ahead of the others. 

It’s a bit shitty that he even thought of using the event as a way to bring himself higher than the others, but at the post-scene it’s been a long time since the episode’s events happened so to some extent you can say that his anger and desperation clouded his judgement. 

He never really brags about this event to anyone, and never advertised it as his or Katarina’s first kiss. He never really thought of it as one until weeks after the situation with Sirius ended. Their real first kiss is the one that happens later into the series. 

Anyways, I know lots of people would still find problems with the scene regardless, but I just want people o know that this scene is in fact in the light novels and is canon. If you didn’t like this, well you guys might not like the other kiss scenes that are coming, if there will ever be an adaption of Volume 3

(might edit this if I remember anything I can add)

[anime-and-manga-rants]

Why I Believe Deku Fails as a Character (Part 1 of 3)

Why does Bakugou consistently take first place in every My Hero Academia popularity poll (since the second poll) when Deku is the main character? Well, the answer’s pretty simple. Bakugou is a complex, interesting character, and Deku is not. 

And, for Part 1, here’s why: Deku had so much potential as a main character, but Horikoshi decided it was best not to dive deep into the things he’d set up in the first episode. 

In the first episode, it is made obvious that Bakugou is Deku’s abuser, and the rest of Deku’s class isn’t much better. Bakugou burns Deku with his Quirk when he grabs Deku’s shoulder, to which nobody reacts negatively, not even their homeroom teacher. This most likely is a common occurrence, so common that their teacher was familiar with Bakugou’s behavior and did not see it necessary to step in and stop it. (If he wasn’t against Deku from the very start — if he didn’t hate Deku solely because of his Quirklessness — Bakugou wouldn’t be able to act like this.) Either that or the teacher simply turned a blind eye to it for the first time, but is that truly much better? Coupled with the burning of Deku’s prized notebook, the verbal abuse, and the suicide baiting, the first episode sets up for a depiction of a very abused character.

And yet we don’t get it. 

Instead, Deku’s reactions to Bakugou’s abuse are played for laughs, from his scrambling comically to get away from Bakugou when Bakugou approaches to his high-pitched voice when he responds to Bakugou’s or his classmates’ taunts. Other times, Bakugou’s awful behavior is simply downplayed to the point where it becomes meaningless. When Bakugou burns Deku’s shoulder, smoke spirals up from between his fingers, yet Deku’s uniform and skin remain unburned. When Bakugou tells him to take a swan dive, Deku’s response is something akin to “What would Bakugou do if I really did it? He knows he would get in trouble for it.”  

Even with Horikoshi’s flippant spin to obvious abuse, Deku’s clearly afraid of the guy. That fact is unavoidable if you just rewatch the first episode or reread the first chapter of the manga. He scrambles away from Bakugou when he approaches, tries to convince Bakugou that he knows they’re not on equal ground, and freezes up when Bakugou grabs his shoulder. 

I’d say it’s a pretty safe to assume Bakugou’s done some pretty terrible shit to Deku. Even if he doesn’t consistently use his Quirk on Deku — which I would be surprised if he didn’t — he seems to enjoy threatening Deku with it, if the explosions in his hand after telling Deku to take a swan dive are any indication. And what about the explosion on Deku’s desk a little earlier? 

(The desk is actually broken in two, but this isn’t elaborated on at all. It really seems as though Bakugou can get away with anything, either because of his potential due to his Quirk or because Horikoshi was, again, just playing off the behavior.) 

Basically, Deku has been threatened with physical harm if nothing else, and he still should’ve been burned after Bakugou’s shoulder grab. 

We can safely assume the first episode isn’t the first time his classmates have laughed in his face or at least at him. From this, we can say he doesn’t have any real friends to speak of. I mean, the only “friends” of his we ever see are Bakugou and his lackeys, and they absolutely weren’t friends with him at the time of the first episode. If Deku had a real friend, I think we would’ve seen them in the first episode.

To tie up my point in a nice little bow, Deku should be showing some signs of trauma. Or, at the very least, he should have some pretty major self-esteem issues. And, yes, Deku does seem to show some signs of low self-esteem, but it doesn’t get in the way of his goals. Characters need flaws. Characters without flaws aren’t realistic or enjoyable to follow as they work toward their goals. But these flaws need to actually impact the character somehow, because it’s not truly a flaw if it doesn’t. Deku’s canon lack of self-esteem never really impacts him negatively, and because of this, it’s not enough to help make him a good character.  

Deku’s behavior is just… so unrealistic. Should abuse truly be played for laughs just to avoid creating a character that experiences trauma?

(It is almost as if Horikoshi was afraid of making a main character experience symptoms of trauma or even PTSD. Maybe it was out of fear of making Deku not relatable? Authors tend to fall into a trap where they accidentally make characters boring in an effort to make them “relatable” to readers, and it’s possible this is what happened to Deku. Or maybe Horikoshi wanted to create a shounen anime and didn’t think that was suitable for the MC. Or maybe Horikoshi didn’t think he could pull it off, although I think he could’ve done it well. 

(I mean, just look at Bakugou’s big reveal in season 3, episode 23. It was unexpected but so real, such a well-written scene to reveal the complexity of a character, that it irritates me to see Deku as he is. We know what Horikoshi is capable of through that scene and the subtle buildup to it that the audience can pick up on through Bakugou’s actions and dialogue. So why couldn’t Horikoshi do something just as impressive for Deku, the main character? 

(Whatever the reason for Deku’s lack of character, I think I’m getting off topic. Let’s get back to my main point.) 

If Horikoshi didn’t want to create an abused character, he shouldn’t have had Bakugou so blatantly abuse him. You can argue that the subject may not be suited for a shounen anime, but that doesn’t justify Horikoshi’s choices. Again, if he didn’t want Deku to show signs of past abuse, he shouldn’t have made Bakugou abuse him. 

The fact that Horikoshi decided not to portray Deku as a believable victim of abuse is pretty disappointing. Because, due to this decision, Deku not only an inaccurate character but also an incredibly boring character. 

Deku could’ve been such an interesting character if Horikoshi had built on his potential. To see the growth of a main character with such little self esteem, to see the growth of a person experiencing a mental illness (likely c-PTSD, a kind of PTSD usually associated with multiple traumatic events rather than one) portrayed accurately, could’ve made for such a successful and fascinating story. A story that showed mental illness as a burden but proved it doesn’t have to define you— that you can still pursue and achieve your dreams even when your mind is against you. 

But we don’t get it. At all. 

Instead, we get a Deku who still calls Bakugou “Kacchan” rather than understandably hating him. Or being terrified of him. While you can argue that Deku simply doesn’t fault Bakugou for his actions, that Deku is strong enough to just brush past Bakugou’s abuse, that’s got less to do with Deku and more to do with Horikoshi. If Deku were a real person, he absolutely would not act the same way around Bakugou as he does, and that’s Horikoshi’s problem. It’s not that Deku’s too mentally strong to care— it’s that Deku’s too weak of a character to. Nobody is that strong. It’s not about strength. 

Look at Shinsou. His backstory is explained in maybe thirty seconds, and yet that’s still enough. We can see through his dialogue how resentful he is towards people with so-called heroic Quirks, especially those who take their heroic Quirks for granted. Just Shinsou’s declaration of war to Class 1-A and the Deku vs. Shinsou fight was enough to cement him as one of my favorite characters in MHA. And this is because his past affects him. It shapes who he is as a person in a visible way and makes him a compelling, relatable character. 

And, whereas Shinsou’s backstory seemed to be mostly his classmates calling him a villain or asking him not to use his Quirk on them for fear of what he was capable of, Deku was abused. He had a far worse childhood, and yet it has no impact on his character or on his view of the world. It doesn’t make much sense. 

There’s a reason so many people like the concept of Deku becoming a villain. It’s more realistic and it’s far more interesting than what we’re actually given. Deku resenting society’s take on Quirkless individuals and his own abuse at the hands of Bakugou and his classmates is a compelling narrative because it’s understandable, relatable. Who wouldn’t at least partially hate such awful treatment? Who wouldn’t consider taking revenge? Or, if not revenge, who wouldn’t consider changing the world (and villains tend to get the job done quicker)? 

Instead, we get a character who not so much forgives as completely forgets, striving to become a hero because it’s his childhood dream. Even a Deku wanting to become a renowned hero to advocate for a change in the world’s opinion on Quirkless people would’ve been compelling to an extent. Sure, it would have far more impact if Deku remained Quirkless, so maybe Horikoshi should’ve gone with that route, but you get my point. 

So, in the end, Deku manages to be both unrealistic and unrelatable (unrelatable isn’t technically a real word, I know, but you’re getting it anyway). He’s somewhat of a paragon of wasted potential in terms of a character, and that’s why I believe he fails.  

[thequiver]

hi so i just read your post & i re read it. i understand your point, but i fail to see the direction of the conversation- that is, the exact point aside from the obvious.

we know canon is very, well- we can all take a look at clark and his glasses and understand. technically speaking, technically speaking, this is all a work of fiction.

fiction, i.e. a work that is disconnected to reality and therefore can be extremely unrealistic.

your take on bruce being the most powerful man in gotham— its fair enough. no one should have that kind of power. but gotham citizens (since we’re now stepping into the ‘realistic’ territory) would be more concerned with earning enough money to eat food rather than call bruce out & say ‘hey stop funding the police, you cant have that much power’. and i think that one of the reasons why society doesn’t change (ie the crime rates, poverty rates, etc) is because of the reason you mentioned— they dont trust him.

oh also, about the crime infrastructure— batman has indeed made a very significant change. gotham has started to have a very low crime rate. its just the major rogues who impact the public, but generically speaking, bruce wayne has impacted the crime dynasty ever since he’s arrived.

(and ‘realistically’ speaking, there is no way to break the cycle of crime. you cant create a crime free world, because given human nature it is not possible.)

and as for the entire ‘no change in society thing’, giving jobs to employees is what will gradually drive people away from poverty. now by gradually i mean is— bruce is very well known for running in circles. its one of the building blocks of his personality, and you not liking that is completely fine. everyone has their opinions and people should respect them.

but. i cant understand the point of this conversation. we know that canon bruce is abusive. but i feel like maybe you should take a look at pren52 bruce (whos not an amazing dad figure, but way better than his current asshole ish version). i’m not saying that you should have to change your opinions, im just urging you to take a closer look at bruce and gotham. bruce is doing exactly what his parents did before. and true- the part about cps is true. canon has basically forgotten about it but i feel like its worth mentioning that bruce (or should we say the writer) did not purposely ignore it. dick, jason, tim, cass— all of them could have done a lot about it. but canon entirely chooses to ignore that particular aspect and for what reason, i have no idea.

i’m not sure what came off as anti-semitic, however, because you didn’t say anything is relation of bruce’s jewish heritage. either way, i just wanted to say this and i wanted to clarify that again, i respect your opinions, but maybe taking a better, closer look at bruce and the gotham residents might provide you more insight.

Oh absolutely and as I mentioned that post is by no means representative of my entire perspective on Bruce (I actually really like him before Jason’s death). That was just me bitching about writing choices I wish the writers would make because I think they’d make interesting Bat books that aren’t necessarily focused on the vigilante but the civilian aspect of it all. And it was also inspired by the fact that that week alone I’d had to sit down no less than 5 adults irl and explain to them that Bruce isn’t a pedophile. But also my economic analysis comes from the fact that I live in Appalachia so I’ve been raised in an area that’s very hostile to businesses like WE- I know where my biases come from and I do keep that in mind when reading.

Maybe one day I’ll make a post that actually talks about my feelings on Bruce’s character and the evolution of his character (and how I both resent and empathize with his character because I have coped with my ptsd in some…… really awful ways 😬), but for now I’m just gonna focus on my fics and work on trying to figure out the blood libel claim.