#they sicken me i feel physically ill thinking about them

[prisma-palace]

my favorite thing about the ranchers will forever be that their entire relationship was built on Trust. they failed 2/3 of scotts couples games but they objectively did the best out of all the pairs because they never got mad or annoyed when the other failed

tango couldve gotten mad at jimmy for getting hit by the goat but he just laughed it off. jimmy couldve gotten mad at tango for not catching him with the water at the fall but they both just joked about it instead. tango even WILLINGLY let them both get down to half a heart in the powdered snow but jimmy never picked the snow up with the bucket, and even asked tango if he was proud of him for that which he WAS. ("did you appreciate that i didnt pick it up?" "i appreciate that trust! that says a lot, my friend!")

i feel like theyre genuinely one of if not THE healthiest relationship in the entirety of the life series cause they never got mad at eachother for any of their faults. tango lost their green life episode one in a stupid way; out of everyone on the server jimmy had the most reason to leave his soulmate but he DIDNT. jimmy forgave him for dying the second tango explained what happened (he even made digs at himself??? ("i feel like im gonna die in the future and youre gonna have to take the punishment of it")) and they recovered the best they couldve in that situation

jimmy even trusted tango enough to let him go into the Exact Same Cave he JUST died in to recover his stuff and later let him go down to the deep dark alone to Intentionally Summon A Warden when if it was anyone else they wouldve not let tango out of their sight for the whole season. hell, tango held it against himself for dying more than jimmy did. they basically just met after being strangers for two seasons yet they already trust eachother more than some season-long alliances

long story short, the ranchers are everything to me and i love them very much

[nnnyxie]

Feeling a lil down about myself, what would you think about Izu x chubby reader? Reader isn’t necessarily insecure but does have bad days, maybe some of Izu‘s fans were being extremely horrible to reader or something because of their weight (I live for protective!Izu) and reader just shuts themselves off and is rotting away in a pile of blankets in their apartment while Izu dosen’t get what’s going on at all- he adores reader and isn’t all like „oh but your boobs and ass and thighs“ he just adored READER you know??? Often when I read x chubby!reader they only mention their curves and thighs and what not but I don’t think reducing plus size people to curvy plus size people is very inclusive so idk if that makes sense but yeah kwnfksld

#𖢥 izuku anon

baby i am loving these requests and i’m happy to give you chubby rep!!

i sorta based it on how i get when i’m insecure about myself so i’m sorry if it isn’t what you were hoping for :(

some days it’s just hard yk?? people get mean and it can really fuck with your brain. it makes it hard to look at yourself sometimes.

especially when you’re with a pro hero. people think that you ‘don’t belong together’ just cause you two have different body types. and it’s sickening how people think that way.

it makes you feel awful— all of the hateful comments you get under your posts gets overwhelming and sometimes you have to archive them all together. sometimes you even have to deactivate your account because they get so overwhelming.

izuku always wonders why you do that— you never give him a real reason. just a ‘i don’t feel like being on social media right now’. he knows it’s not the truth but, he doesn’t want to pry. he doesn’t want to make you uncomfortable by hounding you for answers.

but tonight— tonight was awful. the first thing you saw while opening instagram was a picture of you and your lovely boyfriend, something a fan posted. the fan was nice!! their post was a cute edit and it was an appreciation post!! but the comments— the comments were sickening. they were filled with so much hate, it made you physically ill. and today you weren’t ‘feeling’ yourself so the comments didn’t exactly help.

you deactivated your account again. now you were thinking about just deleting it all together. it won’t stop the hate but it’ll stop you from seeing it. either way— you decided to try and push those awful comments away and read, maybe it could lighten your mood.

it didn’t. the thoughts kept coming back— you couldn’t even read a full paragraph. it felt awful. you felt awful. maybe a shower would help?

as soon as you stepped foot in the bathroom, you stepped right back out. it hurt to look at yourself. it made you cry. you weren’t particularly insecure but these comments were ruthless and they just really got to you this time.

when izuku got back home from patrol, he found you in your shared bed, you were curled up in a pile of blankets with nearly all the pillows surrounding you. he heard your crying— and was immediately concerned. why wouldn’t he be?

“love, what’s the matter? did you watch the neverending story again?” he sat beside you and pulled the blankets down so he could full see your face. this wasn’t your ‘sad movie’ cry. this was entirely different.

“hey, what’s going on?” “it’s nothing— i uhm just read something sad is all.” you were a very poor liar.

“be honest with me, please? is something going on?” he was now laying beside you, holding you from behind. “i just— do you really want to be with me? i’m not—” you choked, crying more at the thought of him leaving for someone ‘better’ (there is no one better). “of course i do. i love you. why wouldn’t i want to be with you?” “how aren’t you… how aren’t you disgusted by me?” “why would you ever think i’d feel that way towards you? i love all of you. and everyday i find more to love about you.”

then— it clicked. he remembered.

“is this about that post? bakugo sent it to me… he told me to look at the comments— baby if i knew this was happening sooner i would’ve done something about it. why didn’t you tell me?” he rubbed your arm in comfort, he knew all about being insecure— of course he couldn’t relate to where yours stemmed from but, he knew how awful it felt to feel like you aren’t enough for people. “i didn’t want you to be mad at them. they’re your supporters.” “they aren’t my supporters if they’re treating you this way.” he took a breath, he was upset. not by you— never. but, by the hateful people. “i love you, and every part of you. i’ll never be disgusted by you and i’ll never want anyone else. i only want you.” god you loved him.

“can you turn so i can see that pretty face?” you turned to face him. izuku had a smile but, his eyes welled when he saw the tear streaks that ran down your cheeks. he cupped your face, swiping his thumps to wipe away the stray tears that still fell. “you’re the most beautiful person i have ever met.” you cried again, not because you were upset— but, because, he was just so wonderful to you. izuku held you, letting you cry into him.

“i’ll address it.” “you don’t need to.” “i’m going to.”

don’t mind the neverending story part…. i just rewatched it today and cried abt the horse scene… artax :(

[d4niellez]

think of me once in a while. | t. fushiguro

❦ warnings: minors and blank blogs do not interact, not canon, dark content, character death (reader), reader has unnamed illness, cuddling with a dead body, implication of unprotected sex, barely any dialogue

❦ a/n: i don’t usually write angsty things for personal reasons but it’s due time to try so i’m putting this man in a situation. if anything isn’t tagged right pls let me know <3

Toji thinks of two things as sits and watches the color from your face drain and your chest begin to still.

What he could’ve possibly done to lose another woman he loved, and how to move on with it again.

He wanders into the abyss of his mind. At first, it feels like trudging through a thick fog that slows him down as if his own brain is warning him to go back. Thoughts hazy and slow, not in a concise stream. He pushes on and eventually the haze clears. He remembers his first wife and how his heart turned to ice after she died. Then he remembers how you warmed it again, but now you’re gone too.

Toji shakes his head and swallows until the lump in his throat dissipates. He tries to think of normal things. What he’ll have for dinner, what to watch on tv tonight, if laundry needs to be done. He quickly finds that you’re still invading his mind. You should be there to help him cook, You should make him watch one of those stupid romcoms he abhors, and you would always know when laundry was needed.

He looks down at your face again and notices how even the dull colors around you are beginning to look brighter in comparison. Toji still watches you intensely, as if by some miracle he’ll see your chest begin to rise and fall and the color return to your skin again. After a minute when you’re still frozen, he covers your face with the sheet on the bed and steps outside. Not before squeezing your cold hand one last time.

The walk to the front door feels like an eternity and he doesn’t know if his mind is moving slowly or if it’s physically him. The walls of the hallway feel like they’re getting tighter, closing in on his broad shoulders. He closes his eyes and walks faster until he reaches the door, hastily pulling it open and letting go of a breath he didn’t know he was holding.

It sickens him to see the wilting red spider lilies creeping up from the garden. Almost like they were making a mockery of you by dying off too. He knows spider lily season ends when the summer does, but it still feels too personal in the moment. Toji has half a mind to walk to the garden and rip them out straight from the root, but he knows you’ll scold him, or you would have.

“Do you know why I keep those spider lilies out there?” He was never the kind to enjoy pillow talk, but he could listen to your voice for hours. Especially when your warm body clings to him and he can feel his cum running down the insides of your thighs.

“Those red things?”

“Yeah, those ones.” He nods and smiles down at you, lifting his arm up for you to shift your body from half way on top of him to all the way.

“Do you remember the day we met in June?”

How could he not? He remembered bumping into you on that excruciatingly hot day. He remembered the cream colored sundress you wore and how it seemed like your mouth ran a mile a minute talking about god knows what. Toji was honestly too busy taking in the features of your face and the curves of your body that were only illuminated by the blazing sun.

He doesn’t say any of that to you, though, he just nods again.

“I was looking for those spider lilies when we met. Even though they have a horrible connotation, I’ve always loved them.” You lay your head on his chest and he sees the corner of your lip turn up in a smile, he mirrors it.

“Anywho, after we went our separate ways, I started to see them. Not immediately, but randomly. In sidewalk corners, flower boxes, just unusual places. Do you know what that usually means?”

“Beats me.” You laugh and it’s music to his ears.

“It usually means we’ll never cross paths again, but I didn’t want that. I wanted to see you again. You were cold, but intriguing. The muscles helped too.” It’s his turn to laugh and he subconsciously flexes the peck your head rests on.

“So what’d you do?”

“I’m so very glad you asked. I started collecting them whenever I saw them, and soon enough I had a beautiful bunch of seven, a lucky number. Do you remember when we saw each other again?”

He nods and smiles, catching on. “July 7.”

“That’s right! So in some way I believe that those lilies wanted to bring us back together instead of keeping us apart. That’s why I collect and grow them annually in summer, as a reminder.” The enthusiasm in your voice begins to waiver and your body begins to relax into him more. He runs a hand up and down your spine and watches the goosebumps rise on your skin.

“What do you think about that, Toji?” There’s a million different complex words he could use to describe the bliss your sleepy form brings to him, even more to describe the story you just told, but he settles on simplicity instead.

“I think it’s beautiful, just like you.”

He feels you smile against his skin before you finally drift off.

Toji feels a warmth sensation begin to fall down his cheek. He’s crying. For the first time in a long time, he’s crying. His hands are shaking and he feels the awful ache crawl back into his throat before he finally lets himself succumb to his emotions. He rests his head in his hands and lets the tears slide down his face and form small droplets in the soil beneath him.

He doesn’t know how long he sits like that. He does know that his head is starting to feel to heavy for his hands and it makes him feel like a child again. He also knows that he’s starting to shiver from the breeze.

Toji picks his tear-stained face up to look at the sky. The sun is shining, but the warmth doesn’t reach him. Like he’s been punished to just look instead of touching. He begins to wonder if he even deserves to feel the warmth of anything. Maybe he’s the common denominator as to why he lost two women to death. Maybe he’s cursed and anyone who gets close pays the price.

He soon realizes that his eyes have moved from the sky and were staring at the red lilies again. Focusing on the wilting tendrils on the flower for so long that he can no longer see the shape and just see red. The same shade as the lipstick you used to wear.

Toji’s mind bounces around again. Traversing deeper into the void that is his inner thoughts and he soon notices that he’s not staring at the lilies anymore, but past them into the similar void of the garden. He could just up and leave. Abandon the house with you in it and start over again like he’d done before. It was the easy way out, and Toji was used to taking the easy way out.

It makes him wonder even more if he really is a bad guy. If everything was just a facade that even he had tricked himself into believing. He’d fallen back into old ways with his first wife, he’s bound to do it again with you. Bound to once again become the cold man he tried to change now that no one is here to hold him down to earth. Maybe he doesn’t have a curse, perhaps it was just him all along.

The chill in the air still feels like it’s deep in his bones. Penetrating his skin to keep him in a perpetually shivering state. He knew the summer was ending and the cold was starting to push its way in like an invasion, but he swears it was still warm yesterday. Even though his finger tips were beginning to ache and turn red, he still refused to put on more layers. Instead he opted to sit in the cold until his extremities began to feel all the way numb. A punishment to himself.

He does eventually push his body to head back inside, but he finds that the house is still just as cold without you. His feet pull him in the direction of the kitchen for some water and it’s there he notices that the dishes have piled up and there’s no cups for him to use. It was usually you that washed the dishes, but your illness slowly stripped that away from you. Toji suddenly felt the urge to vomit and cry again at the same time before he pulled himself out of the kitchen again and decided to do the dreaded task of calling in the death.

He’s been through these steps before. Holding the phone do his ear and he taps the knuckles of his free hand on the table below. Answering there mundane questions as quickly as possible before hanging up and feeling the sense of dread begin to creep up his spine again. For the first time in his life, he feels genuinely lost. Unsure of his next steps even though he has a million different ideas cycling in his mind like a carousel stuck to turn eternally. The thoughts continue to spin in his head as he walks back into your shared bedroom and stares at the sheet that your body lies under.

He circles the bed and slowly climbs into his side, careful to not disturb your body. Just like how he’d do when he came home late and you were sleeping. Though you’d always wake up no matter how meticulously he climbed in, now it pains him to see you not even stir.

Your back is facing him and he can still see the curve of your waist under the thin sheet. His hand reaches out the gently feel, fingers just ghosting the fabric, but he can still feel you. Even though your body is now freezing and beginning to stiffen. His face softens for the first time since you’ve officially passed, and he finally gets an idea of how to continue on without you.

He’ll take it slow, one day at a time. Living his life for you to not let his heart freeze over again. Though for now, he rests his head beside yours and finally closes his eyes. For even though the summer is over and your body’s cold, it still feels like home.

[booktomoviebrawl]

We are not judging how bad the movie is, we are judging which adapted the book the worst. There are good movies that are bad adaptions.

Propaganda below the cut (spoilers may apply)

Persuasion:

They massacred my girl!! That is not Anne Elliot!! The whole point is that she's beaten down and thinks she's missed her chance at happiness and is bullied by her family, not making mean and snarky nods to the camera :( They completely missed the whole point of the dynamic and it's SICKENING! They also cut Mrs Smith who is arguably one of the most important characters as she highlights Anne's lack of focus on title and rank and her family's comparative obsession with it + it's only through her that Anne learns about Mr Elliot's true nasty nature. Also they cut the 'I am half agony, half hope' line from Wentworth's letter at the end so what's even the POINT of adapting it if you don't have that!! Oh my god!! My poor favourite Austen novel :( (I do want to make it very very clear that my issues with the movie come from the writing and adaptation and not in any way from the race blind casting. The casting is superb and I'm genuinely so disappointed that they got such a bad adaptation bc so many of the cast are literally perfect)

Where do I even start? They tried to 'modernize' both the protagonist and the love story and managed to take out everything that made it good in the first place. Anne Elliot in the novel is quiet and good and helpful, full of regret. In the movie, she constantly turns to the audience to mock everyone around her, feeling so much better than everyone, to the point where nobody understands why Captain Wentworth would still be in love with her, or have fallen in love with her in the first place. Eight years before the plot starts, she broker her engagement to him because she was persuaded by a family friend that it was a bad idea. No way would movie!Anne have let herself be persuaded. They just tried to do a Fleabag/Emma type of thing without understanding what made either the novel or those two things work and thereby ruined it completely

Whoever made this didn't understand the point of the novel at all. They completely screwed up the character of Anne Elliot (the protagonist), which in turn screws the rest of the movie, as the original story only works because Anne is the way she is. Also, it's a period piece but the characters are talking in modern slang the entire time. And not in a clever way but in a very cringey one. If Jane Austen knew, she'd probably turn in her grave, and rightfully so.

Maximum Ride:

The storyline makes absolutely no sense, and the movie is nothing like the book. You could've given the movie an entirely different name and and keep the plot I wouldn't bat an eye

the movie's just bad mate

Horrendous low budget netflix movie with effects so bad they make me feel physically ill and acting so wooden the cast is in danger of being attacked by lumberjacks. The story already wasn't the best and the film somehow made it worst. I came in with nostalgia for my dear kids with bird wings and left never to be the same again.

Miss Peregrine's Home for Peculiar Children:

While Miss Peregrine was one of my favorite books as a kid and incredibly unique in the way the story is written (The author basically took a box of weird antique photographs and created an underlying story behind a handful of them) the movie is incredibly boring. Like seriously I can't remember a single goddamn thing about the movie besides my extreme disappointment with it after leaving the theatres. It's probably because the original is a trilogy but they didn't want to make it a trilogy for the movie so they just scrapped the ending of the first book and rewrote a shitty climax where they threw snowballs at the nightmare child eating creatures or something. I remember THAT scene perfectly because it was so, so dumb. It was so stupid oh my God- ALSO, thank God I have a copy of the book from before the film came out because new copies don't have one of the photographs that the actual book uses as a base anymore and instead have the shitty movie poster! We truly do live in a society.

Changed way too much so it doesn't feel like the same thing. The main characters are these kids with different abilities (called peculiarities) and the movie switches around their powers and changes almost everyone's age. Emma and Olive switch powers so that Emma now floats (they also added that she can kind of control air to some extent) when she's supposed to have fire powers to match her fiery personality. Olive can make fire now and she's also aged up from an eight year old to a teenager and put her in this weird romance with Enoch. Enoch is also aged up from a grumpy thirteen year old to around the same age as Olive. Bronwyn, one of the older kids in the book and sort of a motherly figure to the younger kids, is now one of the youngest kids. Hugh and Fiona are aged down and basically have no interaction at all in the movie, even when their book counterparts had such a good relationship. The only one they didn't really change was Horace and Jacob. They also added these gorgon twins that do like two things. The antagonist in the movie is Mr. Barron who honestly isn't super memorable and isn't in the books whatsoever. The ending of the movie is weird too because they manage to turn back time somehow so Jacob's grandfather isn't dead and then he hops through loops so he can be with Emma and the other peculiars. I guess the problem of wights and hollowgasts is magically eliminated and we do not have to deal with the consequences. It took six books to fix everything. I appreciate that the movie engaged me enough to read the series but once I did, I could not believe they did my kids that dirty.

Yikes where to start. The 3 girl characters are all mixed up. There are 2 teens, one who's super strong and has a brother (I'll get back to him) and one who controls fire and is the love interest named Emma. The third girl is a child called Olive who floats. She's lighter than air.

In the movie, strong girl is the child, olive is now the fire girl and is for some reason super introverted, and Emma the love interest floats and gets given a super breath??? Power?? Like she rises a sunken ship by blowing in and keeps a man blown against a wall by blowing air at him. He makes a remark that she'll run out of breath eventually, which happens here because plot convenience, but not when she's blowing in the sunken ship.

The enemies in the book are terrifying Hollows. Creatures who have lost themselves and devour souls of those with powers... The movie decides they eat eyes now. And turn human again. And get busted up in a fair for the final act of the movie. Ugh.

The movie also decides randomly that time travelling through the loops is a thing; a loop being a pocket of time that replays the same day over and over. But apparently this means Main Character can travel back in time and stop his grandfather dying??? What?? His grandfathers death is the whole start of the movie and motivation for the character.

The movie undermines many of things that made the book amazing and even decides it's not a trilogy anymore!! Fuck the other 2 books, right?!

Tldr; it is terribly hollywood-ised and t tim Burton ruined a franchise by trying too hard to make it quirky and fun when the books already had a brilliant sombre and interesting tone to them.

[kanzakurawrites]

Hi I really like your descendants fic and your posts, so I have a question. If descendants was a pg16 show that actually did it's worldbuilding what elements would you ADD, which elements would you remove and what would you expand on?

Oooh, this is an interesting question. I'm sorry it took so long to get this answered! (and apologizing in advance for any rambling that takes place)

First things first, I'd want the show to switch between the Isle and Auradon. I am PERFECTLY fine with the main cast staying the main characters from the first three films. So it would be eye-opening, and good for the characters, for the show to have switched between the Auradonians, the Core Four, and the Sea Three.

I'd also want at LEAST the entire first episode, preferably first two or three, to have the Core Four on the Isle. Working with THEIR gang. So we can see what it is like for them to live on the Isle, what its like for them to be around their parents, and how they interact with others, before going straight to Auradon.

Now, Isle-related things.

I definitely know I'd want to add more elements of abuse on the Isle. It's implied in the movies, but they also seem to backtrack at times. (Dizzy's "wicked step-grandmother" comment, and then suddenly portraying Lady Tremaine as caring - the Vk's running to the Isle to see their parents.) It would need to be shown that the Isle is a HORRIBLE place. Physical, emotional.... and other forms of abuse. These things HAPPEN, and they are going to happen on the Isle.

As much as I hate to say it, there is definitely teen pregnancy on the Isle. There's also a lot of death for ALL ages.

Remember Mal's comment about gang activity? Let's see it. Show us the gangs, the fights, the rules, the alliances. Show us the politics on the Isle, and how these are CHILDREN fighting for their lives. Which also means injuries and scars.

There are all sorts of HORRIBLE crimes that people get sent to jail for (I really don't want to type the words since it makes me sick to my stomach), and those people are ON. THE. ISLE. It's not just the villains from the fairy tales on the Isle, its all the criminals as well. There's a lot of reasons the VK's have gangs, and keeping each other safe is one of them.

With that said, not all the VK's are going to be good either. Some of them will end up bad in the end. Just like there are going to be bad people in Auradon.

And then with the barrier, are seasons a thing on the Isle or does the dome mean that the temperature stays relatively the same? Are the summers scorching and winters freezing and dirty, given the pollution over the Isle? Things can't even grow!

How DID the Isle get approved? Was it better in the beginning? Did they just not think that villains could have children? These are questions that need to be answered, because even without purposefully trying to make it dark, the things we know about the Isle are sickening to think about. Nothing can grow, food is always rotten, everything is crumbling, and there is horrible pollution.

What is illness like on the Isle? It can't be good, it would run rampant. I want to see how it's dealt with.

And finally, how does the Isle affect the magical people there? Witches could probably be okay being cut off from magic, but fairies? They are inherently magical. Magic is apart of them. Same goes with Ursula, Morgana, Hades (though he's probably not affected at all). Trolls, dwarves (there have to be some), goblins, pixies, etc. Any on the isle, and their children, how are they affected here? Does Uma feel a loss in her chest when she's near the sea? Does Mal mourn her horns and wings? (and will she ever get any?) Is it painful? Do they get sick when they're in Auradon and finally around all this magic? Because you can't just... get rid of magic. It's going to be there.

Auradon Things:

I would really want to expand on how Auradon came to be. Along with the, likely, war that happened when rounding up the villains cause there's no way that was peaceful.

Politics. I want the politics. How do all these kingdoms work? What political parties are there? How are views on the Isle handled?

Arranged-Marriages are a thing. Not everyone does it, but I feel like we can all agree that some people (*cough*Leah*cough*) believe that they are superior to "Falling in love." I honestly wouldn't be surprised if Audrey and Ben had an arranged marriage.

Abuse. It's not just a thing on the Isle, but it's in Auradon as well, just in a different way. While there's a lot more physical abuse on the Isle, there's verbal and emotional in Auradon. Leah and, though I hate saying it, Beast are perfect examples. Leah constantly puts Audrey down, she makes her feel inferior. Beast made his sixteen year old High King... I'm sure I could find more examples for him but I think that's a pretty big thing right there.

Another thing to expand on is the equality issue in Auradon. The "sidekicks" got the short end of the deal, even though Ben tried to make it better, as the dwarves and animals weren't being PAID. They just worked all the time for the Royals. Magical people have seemed to be pushed aside, like Beast wants them all gone. Jane couldn't even train her with her magic! And she's Fairy Godmother's daughter! The three good fairies and other fairies from Aurora's kingdom are actively having to not use magic. How do Kingdom's like Corona (Ruby has the 70ft hair, so some semblance of magic had to be passed down. Magic is also canonical in Tangled the Series, along with things like DRAGONS), Arendalle, Agrabah, etc. function?

How do things with the gods play out? What is there contract with Auradon, cause I am NOT convinced that they would just let these mortals walk all over them forever. It's one of my biggest issues with Hades on the Isle as well, and why I think there has to be some bigger reason he's on the Isle. (Whether its them waiting for Beast's term to be over, or perhaps something the Fates said)

I'd want to add in how religions play out in Auradon, because all these stories come from different places. There are characters who are canonically religious in their films, good and bad. It's not something you can just erase.

How did Auradon as a whole react when the VK's came over? Were there protests? Was Ben under a lot of heat, or was Beast for letting Ben do this? How were the VK's treated at first? Not everyone was going to be welcoming. Who stood beside Ben, who was neutral, and who went against him?

Then with relationships. Honestly, I really like Mal and Ben, but I'd want to see them develop a relationship. Maybe mention their dreams and hint to the true loves, have them work through the love spell issue, show them dealing with cultural differences. Give them a realistic relationship with more depth.

With Evie, show the expectations her mother would have put on her. Did she have flings? Was she pushed to try to be with any "higher up" Isle male?

Harry and Uma... yeah their together. With the rating up, there is no reason to pretend they aren't or only give small hints. We get to have this relationship and yeah, you know, they are just Harry and Uma.

And when the VKs do come to Auradon, who are their foster parents? Because they have to have someone, right? How is that handled? How are they taken care of?

Then with the abuse they went through, show us the hints. Flinching when there are yells, or when someone goes to touch them. Maybe blank looks, disassociation, just not knowing how to handle relationships! Friendship or with adults! How they see themselves. That stuff does a number on you, even after years. And I understand why Disney didn't go deeply into this, but it also shouldn't just be brushed away. Acknowledging it could have helped just explain some of the VK's actions. (Such as Mal in the third movie, wanting to please the ultimately parental figures around her.)

I really don't think there's much about Descendants that I'd remove, I'd just want to expand on the world and make it... darker, I guess. More realistic vs. sunshine and roses.

(Also. Adding seasons. Seasons EXIST Disney.)

[askyourwritergrandma]

Hello there. I have a bit of a difficult question in the sense that I don't know who to ask about it. You seemed to be arguably the wisest source to consult on the matter, so I'm taking a chance.

I had an idea for a fic that I wanted to write and I was actually in the process of writing it for a bit. It was for a small fandom event in which I signed up for. I was almost done with it and was in the finishing stages of them when I was obstructed by people and circumstances that really ought not to have ever been and as such, I was never able to fully publish it. Ever since then, I have resented the people who did this as I not only failed to deliver the final product I was supposed to, but I also looked like a fool. I hated everyone and myself for this entire thing as this is not the first time I had been stopped from doing something that I chose outside of everyone else's jurisdiction. To an effect, I still do.

As a more notable effect, looking at the document in which all of my hard work sat made me physically ill and enraged. I had also stopped writing completely because of how strongly I felt (and still feel) about this entire situation. Soon after the fact, I also essentially erased myself from the online space for a month because I didn't want anyone to question nor point out that I hadn't done it as I did not want to explain why and doing so would have me spiral out of control and simply delete my social media as I would not be able to live with it. I have only come back recently because I was sick of being socially isolated and alone. You would think that this would be the end of it, but there's one thing that for some reason sticks around.

I still want to write this story.

Yes, I know I essentially left them high and dry but this premise and what I had been working on captivated me to such a degree that I'm still thinking about it when my mind wanders on its own. But I still get sick thinking about my circumstances that I can't change nor budge and as such, I still can't stand looking at the document nor the outline. I desperately want to get to work on it again, but there's so much negative emotional attachment to it that I can't bring myself to do it because I wonder why I ever bothered with it in the first place if everyone and everything in my life keeps stopping me from doing it.

I've tried to write other things in the meantime, but they too are suppressed as I am constantly reminded of my failure and my circumstances that are not only unfair but ridiculous as this is the only outlet I really have and to see it limited to such a degree is sickening and still makes my blood boil.

I love writing things and I love exploring these things, but I don't even know how to do it when all of it is accompanied by rage, despair, inferiority, and pure unadulterated hatred directed at myself as well as others.

So I suppose that my question really is this:

How do I bring myself to write when my entire being hates me for even trying, knowing that I'll never finish what I start because something will stop me?

Oh friend, this is just some shit right here.

Ok so important disclaimer is that I am not a mental health professional. Anything I say is based on personal experience or accumulated knowledge from the internet.

Its important that you know, and really properly internalize, that you did not fail. In fact my first thing directly related to writing that I would advise you to do, when you start to feel this way, is to say 'I did not fail' to yourself. Sometimes things happen that can't control and they affect us in very serious ways that takes time to get over.

Certainly it sounds like what you were working on was important to you and the circumstances that interrupted it were very upsetting. There's no surprise that your story has becoming a focal point for those feelings. Untangling how they are connected is something that you can only do with time and trying.

If you have a safe place where you can externalize those feelings, either through talking to someone, keeping a journal or writing the events but fictionalized I would suggest those things. Sometimes just being able to put it all out there and know that its safe helps you move on from it.

As far as people on the internet questioning you about where you've been, I can't say that wouldn't have happened or that it won't happen in the future, but as a general rule good, decent people extend you grace. Everyone has a life outside of this anonymous mosh pit we call the internet and most people are capable of understanding that. You don't need to compound these feelings of failure with any additional shame from anonymous strangers. Would they have loved to read your story? Yes of course they would have. If you were to finish it they would still want to read it. But they aren't angry or upset with you.

As you try to write, remind yourself that you have not failed. Imagine yourself as a professional athlete who has suffered a serious knee injury. You had to take time away but you're back on your feet now and you're working towards getting back on the field. Every time you sit and try to write, remind yourself that you have no failed, that you are recovering and that you will get better. Writing will get easier.

Send me as many asks as you want, if they help, I'll do my best to answer them promptly.

Good luck anon and take care of yourself.

[gwyns]

I’m feeling a little snarky tonight. I was reading something a Gwynriel/Elucien posted, and saw an E/riel had reblogged it to share their opinion, so I randomly saw it (I didn’t go actively seeking E/riel content).

An E/riel - “And for the love of god, the "you're the new ribbon Az." line: Tell me you can't discern the difference between platonic and romantic banter without telling me you can't discern the difference between platonic and romantic banter. Every single instance in ACOSF that involves Azriel being around Gwyn for training, for example Gwyn's loud laugh, is quite obviously platonic. Her laughing loud enough to briefly gain the attention of absolutely everyone in the room? Come on now. That is a natural reaction to look over in the direction of a loud noise.”

Same E/riel - “Gwyn to be Azriel's partner and lover and mate? Doubtful. Very doubtful. There's just not enough evidence in the current text to come to that conclusion logically vs what's going on with E/riel together. Why can he smell elucien's bond when no one else can? Why does such a thing physically hurt and sicken him to sense? Why does he agonize so much over Elain to the point where he can hardly take care of himself? Why is he always so instinctively protective over Elain? And yes, I am bringing up the "shadows poised as snakes, ready to strike" against Nesta. Azriel was willing and waiting to scrap it out with Nesta over Elain. Let's be real now.”

I laughed out loud when reading this. They also said that Azriel’s shadows were dancing to Bryce’s music in the HOFAS bonus chapter. It literally says in actually text, that Bryce’s phone had died, and that Azriel’s shadows were dancing to his humming. Azriel smelling Elucien’s bond isn’t a big deal, and it was in his pov, so obviously?? And Amren could smell Feysand’s. When Nesta & Cassian visited the Prison, Lanyths was about to tell them that they’re mates from smelling them.

WE can't discern the difference between platonic and romantic? US??? that's a big claim coming from the same fandom that hinges all their hopes on smelly bread

gwyn being loud isn't the only instance of sjm highlighting az's attention shifting to her though. if that were it, i'd agree with them that it doesn't necessarily mean anything but both az and gwyn are constantly looking or paying attention to one another. sjm continuously shows us this in a nessian book. it's been said many times, if e/riel were endgame, sjm could've easily made these type of interactions happen between them. like hello?? we all expected elain to be in this book more but guess what? she was notably absent and that's for a reason

hey um, do they realize that agonizing over someone to the point they can't take care of themselves isn't a good thing? like... at all? i am actually worried for them if this is what they think relationships are supposed to be like. i mean sure there will be uncomfortable moments and you will worry and struggle at times, i've been there. i've worried to the point where i made myself physically ill but it wasn't over whether or not i'm worthy of him, it was because i was genuinely worried for his safety. big difference. relationships take work, but ultimately your partner will make you feel good about yourself. they'll encourage you (hey that's something that az did for gwyn!), you'll feel at ease around each other (hmm something az was around gwyn, interesting...) and making conversation will be the easiest thing in the world (huh yet another thing that happened around gwyn... weird how that works)

yup! i've only read that bonus chapter once but i remember bryce being upset that her phone died since it was her only connection to home, to hunt, at the time. if his shadows were dancing to the music on her phone, why weren't they doing it the whole time? e/riels really act all high and mighty and like their word on canon is law when they literally can't even read. sjm explicitly tells us things but they're so delusional they actually believe the opposite. it's quite fascinating really

[lodish]

lyney and lynette :33 - lee

MY BEAUTIFUL PAPER TWINS

LYNEY

First Impression: smiles. ive been wanting them since the fucking. the one teaser you know the one. the teaser where they also teased ningguang cyno ayaka etc. i was like Holy Fuckkkkk magician twins i need them NOWWWWW

Impression Now:

hes crazy hes fucking crazy. 17 year old french-filo boy hes fucking crazy hes so codependent on lynette ive talked about this extensively in the past but the way that these twins literally only ever had each other is fucking sickening. they were children. THEY ARE CHILDREN STILL. the way that lyney relies on his image of The Good Older Brother in order to feel stable is fucking crazy. hes crazy. in the archon quest when he starts panicking when lynette is missing you can see the cracks start to form. without his sister he feels like hes nothing. without lynette he started to have panic attacks and he couldnt even calm himself down no matter how hard he tried. i hate it here

Favorite Moment: his big brother complex showing up when lynette disappears

Idea for a Story: I DONT KNOW CAN HE JUST BE HAPPY FOR ONCE?> PLEASE?"

Unpopular Opinion: i think lyney fans are annoying a lot of the time because of the way they tend to push lynette out of the picture like. you know lyney would hate your ass for that shit right? tell me you know that.

Favorite Relationship: The Beautiful Paper Siblings

Favorite Headcanon: he likes to tuck lynette and freminet into bed like as in literally pull the blanket over them and brush their hair back and kiss their foreheads before he gets into his own bed. and they know that when he does these little acts of love he feels more whole himself so they let him do this without complaint because they love him too. and they all love each other so much.

LYNETTE

First Impression: again i was already a fan since the old teaser

Impression Now:

I AM PHYSICALLY FUCKING ILL. her backstory is one of the most tragic ones in genshin im being serious AND CAN I SAY IF SHE WAS A BOY PEOPLE WOULD TALK ABOUT THIS MORE. sorry. her perfectly crafted calm and indifferent mask as a response to her trauma.... yeah who cares i dont care. the way she cares for her twin is so so so subtle that a lot of people miss it i think. she knows that lyney wants to take care of her, so she lets herself be taken care of. she provides a safe area for lyney to just. stop the charming magician front and just be quiet for once... its so so interesting how the public images of lyney and lynette are literally the opposite of how they are in private; lynette is actually quite witty and she enjoys chatting meanwhile lyney is not actually that extroverted and outgoing. ITS ALL AN ACT. and this was SO FUCKING GENIUS to put in fontaine. everything is a facade.

Favorite Moment: i just think shes so cute dont you agree :'-) she is so cutey with it

Idea for a Story: Therapy 😊

Unpopular Opinion: I AM SICK AND TIREDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD OF PEOPLE ACTING LIKE SHE ONLY EXISTS AS AN EXTESNION OF LYNEY 🤕🤕🤕🤕 ughhhhh

Favorite Relationship: The Beautiful Paper Siblings

Favorite Headcanon: i think she and lyney do each others face paint makeup :'-) i think shes often furrowing her brow and concentrating on drawing lyneys tear and hes always trying to make her giggle but all she does is give him an unamused look and he throws his hands up and hes like Tough crowd, tough crowd... A shame.... and then sits quietly humming to himself the rest of the time. i think when lyney does HER makeup hes like My, Lynette! Have you always looked this dashing? and her facial muscles just barely twitch and thats how lyney can tell that the compliment worked

[runawaycarouselhorse]

why do you not follow back users who follow you? /gen

It’s not a job or duty, I strongly dislike the idea of following someone back just because they follow you. It feels ingenuine, dishonest, and breeds resentment. It’s especially obvious when you unfollow them and they IMMEDIATELY unfollow, like, wow, you were just waiting for the opportunity, huh…? xD;;; Especially when it’s someone who never, ever, ever even likes or interacts with you or has anything in common. Following back just for the sake of following back. Likely muting your username, too, so they don’t see your content.

I like curating my space! I want to follow only what interests me and is safe for me to view (there’s an unfortunately large number of ~aesthetic~ bloggers that otherwise have lovely blogs that totally appeal to my tastes, but there’ll be surprise thigh pictures (never tagging “body image” or anything so I can mute it, either…) or they’ll reblog gif sets of people kissing… I have to take responsibility for myself and telling people “oh, I find (x) sickening, my flashbacks are purely somatic, I can end up bed-ridden nearly all day, feeling nauseous, and drained of energy if I see (x), please tag (x), but also (y), (z), etc.”

… this will not only overload people (sorry, I’m very sex-repulsed and a lot of stuff people don’t consider as anything at all in more sex-saturated western societies will have me physically ill, I can easily avoid those in my own country), but also give a neat little list of things my enemies can use against me, and I have stalker relatives (as delineated in my about, unless I deleted that…) and so many of their other witch friends ways to harrrass and harm me (or, given I’m usually protected, it ends up affecting family members, like the incident with the clothes-ripping.)

It is dangerous naivete to do what so many tumblr teenagers have normalized (a carrd with all of their mental illnesses, triggers, and phobias, waiting for one fake friend or bully to find and abuse to make them break down!), so the simple answer is…

I want to follow what genuinely interests me, not treat it as some duty or obligation, so that my affections for people remain sincere and never dip into such an ugly “waiting for the other person to unfollow so I can unfollow them, they’re just padding out my numbers” like those people tend to fall into (because of this, I often also force unfollow/soft block people I do unfollow who were formerly mutuals, so they don’t think I’m using them to pad out numbers.)

I have people I’ve been friendly with for years, but their content can be triggering or just squicky for me, so I only message to them or mention them in things we both like.

Safety and sincerity.

[sheviolentlyher]

manifestation of a maniac

If anyone that knew me ever read this, whatever this is in its entirety, I think they would be extremely saddened. I bounce back and forth over the boarders of my personality and it’s exhausting. Give me consistency, but in a world ever changing, no such thing exists. Only new distractions. I don’t wish to die, because I am already involuntarily dying. Do you see? How are we supposed to keep the light in us alive when all we are fed is darkness? Why is it the one thing that is consistent is illness? I imagine myself doing a proper launch off the highest diving board into the center of my mind. Where there is no gravitational pull, only stillness.

My hopes and dreams are only play things hanging above me as I playfully swat at them. Manifestation of a self proclaimed maniac. See that is just it, there is nothing that I can physically grasp that would ever define me and I keep asking myself why I would ever want definition? I am a pixelated image of truth, beauty and love, kept together by hate. And I mean herded into the boundaries of something that doesn’t even have any visible shape. Ghostly and floating my physical body allows me to manipulate my flesh into moving.

I’ve come to the liquid conclusion that I do not even desire myself. I say liquid in the sense of the idea takes shape of what I deem my final thought. There can never be conclusion in a world of change. I’m everything temporary, nothing about me is ever permanent. I feel like I have been stuck in something so concrete over the years that I have forgotten how to step.

I hide behind my writing. It is the only place I feel like the richest version of myself. If I speak the way I wrote all the time people wouldn’t understand the created image I am presenting them. I say humans are weak because I know how weak I can be. Weakened by something thrilling, tempting, temporary.

I long to give flavor to the unsavory. I long to give sight to the blind because most people cannot see that they are tasteless. I bite into people’s mind and usually spit it out quickly, and act accordingly to the mundane conformity of this sick and sad world. No one knows peace, only comfort. Sorely mistaken and angry when it is ripped from their dream catcher minds.

Humans cannot deal with the uncomfortably of life, but somehow I wish to be there. It’s not a good idea to leave me with me. Tell me I’m overthinking and I will tell you that you’re under thinking. My ultimate goal would be to be able to coach life, and I cannot do that if I don’t understand life itself. The raw emotion of life. I’m in a phase of self examination. It’s incredibly difficult to really take a look at yourself. Shame is the veil. It is humanity’s greatest protector, or at least it thinks it is. Experience of life is what I long for. There is something I find so sickening in the modern day household. Maybe it is because I am the source and I have let it make me a bitter cunt.

-x

[queen-haq]

Fic: Alive - Part 22

Summary: Aidan traced the thin chain around his neck, rubbing the infinity pendant between his fingers. No longer a symbol of their everlasting love, it was something he touched in anger when he thought of Sage. It was the only thing of hers that still remained with him after eight years, the last possession which still connected them together. When he 4did find Sage again, and he would no matter how long it took, he planned to destroy the pendant - and her.

Taking place across two timelines, Alive tells the story of Aidan and Sage, high school sweethearts driven apart by who they are and where they come from. Once enemies then lovers, their relationship runs full circle when they meet again in the present, now prepared to destroy each other.

My Masterlist (contains links to previous parts)

Aidan lay in bed, staring up at the hotel room ceiling while his mind reeled with thoughts about his daughter. The image of the little girl watching him with big doe eyes was etched into his brain. At one point she'd even seemed afraid – the possibility of which made him physically ill. He knew all too well what it was like to be terrified of a parent and it was sickening to think he provoked that same fear in Ziyah.

"Ziyah."

He said the name out loud several times, sounding it out. It was such an uncommon name, at least for him, and he liked it. Apparently it meant shining light in Arabic which seemed to fit their situation perfectly. If not for the beacon of hope that was Ziyah and the desire to keep her safe and happy, he probably would have let the darkness in him destroy Sage already. After years of wanting to hurt her, it was difficult not to give into the bitterness and anger she made him feel.

He glanced at the clock. Although it was close to two in the morning here, Theo was in California where it was several hours behind. Picking up his cell, Aidan dialed his best friend's number, hoping Theo would pick up even though they hadn't spoken in weeks – not since their last argument when Theo had ordered him out of his life. Fortunately, Theo answered after several rings.

"What do you want? I'm busy."

"Busy getting laid?" Aidan joked.

"I'm hanging up now."

"You still pissed at me?"

There was a brief pause at Theo's end. "Depends. You still an asshole?"

"Yeah."

"Then, yeah. I'm still mad."

"I'm in Toronto."

"I don't care."

"I found Sage. She's been living here for a while."

"Great. You want a fucking medal for stalking her?"

"And she has a kid. My kid. Ziyah."

"What?" Theo asked, shocked. "What the fuck are you talking about?"

"Sage was pregnant when she took off. I have a daughter, and I'm..." Aidan exhaled a sharp breath. "Scared shitless."

"Holy. Fuck."

"Tell me about it."

They were both silent for several minutes, the air thick with tension.

"This means I'm an uncle," Theo said after a while. "Forget it. I'm not babysitting."

Aidan chuckled. "Jackass."

"How old is she?"

"Almost eight. Brown hair, brown eyes. Looks nothing like me."

"You sure it's yours?"

"Sage insists she's not but I'm not buying her bullshit."

"You're going to do a paternity test, right?"

"I don't need a fucking test to prove anything. I know she's mine. Sage wasn't the type to fuck around."

"Take one just to be sure. You don't want to get saddled with someone else's problem, you know?"

"Bro, don't piss me off. Your sister already did that tonight."

"Which sister?" Theo snarked.

"Fuck off."

"Sounds like Sage is still in one piece after your meeting."

"Yup, alive and breathing. No need to call the cops yet," Aidan deadpanned.

"Give it up. You're not going to do anything to her."

"Really, you sure about that? You remember my old man, don't you?"

"How many times do I have to fucking say it? You're nothing like him."

Aidan hesitated for a few seconds before answering. "My whole life I've been so fucking afraid of that asshole. I don't want my kid to feel that way about me."

"She won't. You know why? 'cause you're never going to do what he did."

"You're right. I'm not going to lay a hand on her. Ever. I swear it."

“I already know that. You don't have to convince me."

"I'm going to be the best fucking dad in the world."

Theo snickered. "Okay, let's not get too carried away."

"Come on, dude. I can do it. Don't you think?"

"Yeah, but it's not gonna be easy. And you can't give up when things get hard."

"I know."

"And if the kid is anything like you or Sage, she's gonna be trouble."

"Whatever, man."

It was Theo's turn to sigh loudly. "Can't believe I have a niece. Shit."

"I can't wrap my head around it either."

"How long you planning to stay there?"

"Dude, I'm here for good."

"Sage knows that?"

"She'll find out soon enough."

"How do you think that'll go over?"

The anger in him resurfaced. "Who gives a fuck? This isn't about her."

"You sure?"

"Yeah." Aidan took a deep breath before continuing. "She doesn't get to dictate if I have a relationship with Ziyah or not."

"Ziyah, huh?"

"Yeah, I know. It's weird but I like it."

"You always were a freak."

"Shut up." Aidan yawned. "What's going on with you and that Cadence chick? You engaged yet?"

"I asked. She turned me down."

"You serious? What the hell is wrong with her?"

"Nothing," Theo replied. "She's not ready for something that serious."

"Nah, it's 'cause she knows you're hot for me."

"You wish."

"So how you doing? You alright?" Aidan asked, knowing exactly how it felt to be in Theo's position. It hurt like hell, and Theo was the last person who deserved that kind of rejection.

"I'm okay. We're okay. Taking things one day at a time."

"Wait, you still with her? Why?"

"Because I love her. I'm not just going to dump her because she wants to take things slow."

"You deserve better than someone who treats you like shit."

"Says the guy still chasing his ex after eight years."

"Touché." Aidan smirked. "Fine. Do whatever you want, just don't be a miserable old fuck."

"I'll try," Theo replied. "Anyway, I gotta go. I have a meeting tomorrow morning."

"Yeah, I have big plans too."

"Anything I should be worried about?"

"You? No. Your sister? Probably."

"Great," Theo muttered. "I'm not flying out there to bail your ass out of jail."

"Yeah, yeah."

"I'm serious. Don't do anything stupid."

"Don't worry. Not gonna give Sage any more reasons to keep me from my kid."

"Man, I'm never gonna get used to hearing you say that."

Aidan chuckled. "'night, asshole."

After the conversation ended, Aidan returned to pondering his future plans. As much he wanted to crush Sage, it was no longer an option. Instead, he had to find a way to deal and work with her in order to be a part of Ziyah's life – and that wasn't going to be easy. But he was ready, and prepared, to do whatever it took to win this battle.

*****

Sage sat back in her chair, closing her eyes for a few minutes. As soon as Aidan's face flashed across her mind, she sat up and turned her attention back to the computer screen in front of her. There were a million emails to respond to and phone calls to return, and she was too distracted to do any of it. All she could think about was last night and the sudden reappearance of Aidan back in her life. Just then her assistant, Kenisha, knocked on the door. Usually, the young black girl was spunky and vivacious; right now, however, she seemed more hesitant than anything. And Sage knew exactly why. "I'm going out for lunch. Do you want anything?" Guilt flooded over Sage at how nice Kenisha was being, especially considering Sage had snapped at her earlier. "Mind if I go with you?" "I'd rather not be bitched out during lunch." Most people would be wary of speaking to their bosses so freely but Sage and Kenisha shared a great relationship and worked well together. And until today, they've never had so much as an argument. "I had a bad morning and I took it out on you. Sorry." "I'll forgive you, as long as you buy me one of those super fancy lattes." "I was going to buy you lunch but a latte sounds easier on the wallet." "Lunch and latte?" Sage stood up, gathering her things together. "I don't know if I can afford that." "I saw the paperwork for your last sale. You can." Sage chuckled. Shortly after they were sitting at a nearby cafe, enjoying their lattes and sandwiches when Kenisha broached the topic of their argument again. "So why were you so angry? Is everything alright?" "Nothing I can't handle," Sage replied. "You know you can talk to me. Anytime. I may even listen." "Gee, thanks." Sage smirked. "But what we need to talk about is your application deadline coming up. What did you decide? Are you going back to college?" Kenisha scowled. "I don't know. I'm still thinking about it." "Why the hesitation?" "It doesn't make sense to quit my job and go back to school when the whole point of college is to get a job in the first place." "But you would have so many more opportunities with a college degree," Sage pointed out. "The secretary thing is only temporary. I want to keep working, like you. I know I still have to get my license and stuff but it doesn't seem like it would be that hard. Besides, you make good money so it can't be that bad." "It's not as easy as it looks." "Sorry," Kenisha offered with an apologetic smile. "I didn't mean to imply it was." "When things are good, it's great, but when there's a dry spell it can really wear you down." "You've been pretty lucky then. You make decent money." Smiling, Sage knocked on the wooden surface of the table. "Maybe I'll be that lucky too," Kenisha said in a hopeful tone. "You're only 21. Why limit yourself to something you're just meh on when you can go to college and find a career you can be really passionate about?" "What's the big deal? You seem to like it just fine." "I do now, but when I was your age I was a single mom with a young kid. I didn't exactly have a lot of options available to me. Working in a real estate agency was the only job I could get that paid a decent wage. And I was lucky Raj saw potential in me, helped me get my licence and set up a client base." Sage took a sip of her coffee. "My senior year in high school was horrible, but it was the thought of college that got me through it. I used to dream of going away to a brand new place, meeting new people who weren't anything like the ones I was around." "And occasionally go to classes?" "Yeah, even that," Sage replied with a wistful sigh. "I always wondered what college would be like." "You could enrol now." Sage snickered. "Yeah, right." "Why not?" "Because I have a mortgage and going back to school isn't exactly a practical option for me." "Don't you just hate when reality gets in the way of dreams?" Sage shrugged her shoulders. "You get used to it. Besides, your reality is a hell of a lot different than mine. If I were you, I would not be tied down to a full-time job. I'd be out there exploring the world, maybe even travelling." "Can I ask you something personal?" "Don't you always?" "Do you ever wonder what your life would have been like if you didn't have Ziyah?" Sage traced the rim of the coffee cup with her index finger. "To be honest, I'd probably be dead without her. Before Ziyah I was alone, miserable, and in a shitload of trouble." "Really? What kind of trouble?" Sage locked eyes with Kenisha. For a moment she was that terrified girl again, walking into something horrific that she couldn't even begin to process, let alone handle. "I know you don't really like to talk about stuff that bothers you, but maybe talking would help," Kenisha suggested. Sage shook her head 'no'. "It doesn't matter now. I'm over it. I left all of that behind me when I moved here from L.A." "Are you sure?" Sage nodded. "I know it sounds crazy but having Ziyah saved me. Finding out I was pregnant was probably the best thing that could have happened to me at that time. She gave me a reason not to give up, to be hopeful. I finally had a purpose again." Kenisha smirked. "She's lucky to have a mom like you." "No, I'm the lucky one. I know I sound like I have regrets about not going to college but I don't. When it comes to Ziyah, I'm just really grateful things turned out the way they did. It could have been much, much worse." An image of Aidan popped into her head just then, reminding her that her words weren't exactly true: if he didn't leave, her situation really was about to worsen. "We should probably get back," Kenisha said. "I have a ton of stuff to file." "Just promise me you'll think about college." Kenisha rolled her eyes. "Fine, Mom." Sage laughed, taking her wallet out to pay the bill.

*****

They entered the office building a few minutes later, both shivering from the chilly breeze outside. The receptionist greeted them with an enthusiastic smile, gesturing them to come over. "Guess who walked in a few minutes ago," Carrie said, practically bursting with excitement. "Jesus?" Kenisha suggested. "Nah, not in this part of town," Sage retorted. "This is more antichrist territory." "You guys are so lame," Carrie huffed. "There's an actual celebrity inside this building right now." "A list or C list?" Kenisha asked. "It's Aidan Carrington." Sage froze instantly, her heart pounding in her chest. "Who?" Kenisha asked. "I've never heard of him." "He's big in L.A. You've probably heard of his dad. Christian Carrington?" Kenisha shot Sage a questioning glance. "Doesn't ring a bell. Do you know him?" Sage didn't respond, still unable to speak. "His dad was a big time Hollywood producer but now he's in prison. You really don't know the story?" Carrie asked. Kenisha shook her head 'no'. "What did he do?" "He was convicted of rape," Carrie replied. "Some people think he's innocent." "Those people would be wrong. That man was a monster," Sage stated, finally finding her voice. "I'll be in my office. Kenisha, hold my calls." "Actually, Raj is in there with Aidan Carrington right now." It was difficult but somehow Sage managed to maintain her cool composure. "In my office?" "Yup." Carrie flashed a bright smile. "He's really, really hot. I've seen pictures of him on those pap sites but they don't do him justice. He's so much hotter in person." "Who cares?" Kenisha fired back. "His dad is a rapist. That's creepy!" Walking away from them, Sage headed towards her office. She spotted the pair right away. Raj was sitting in her chair, facing her, but she only had a view of Aidan's back – and that was enough to make her stomach clench with anxiety. "Sage, you're back." Raj stood up to greet her. "We've been waiting for you. I believe you know Mr. Carrington. You guys went to high school together, right?" Raj's words barely registered as Sage kept her gaze fixated on Aidan. He was standing up now as well, feigning a polite smile even as his eyes twinkled with both mischief and menace. Dressed in jeans, a grey knit sweater and a black leather jacket, he looked good – and she hated herself for noticing. "Maybe she doesn't remember me. I guess I didn't make that much of an impression on her," Aidan drawled. He was taunting her, daring her to argue. "Sage, are you alright?" She cast a brief glance at her boss before shifting her attention back to Aidan. "Of course I remember you. You tend to leave your mark on people." Aidan smirked. "Stop. You're making me blush." "It wasn't meant as a compliment." Raj shot her a concerned look, and rightly so. Usually she wasn't the type to behave unprofessionally but Aidan did have a tendency to bring out the worst in her. Whatever Aidan was here for, she had to deal with him alone or risk raising questions. "Raj, why don't you give us a few minutes alone?" Sensing his discomfort, she gave her boss a reassuring smile. "Aidan and I have a lot of catching up to do." "Okay." Raj hurried out of the office; she followed behind to close the door. Pausing briefly to regain her composure, she took a deep breath before turning around to face Aidan. He was leaning against her desk, his long legs spread out in front of him, watching her intently. She didn't speak; neither did he. "Never pictured you as a real estate agent," he remarked, finally breaking the silence. "What do you want, Aidan?" He reached out to pick up the picture of Ziyah sitting on her desk, studying it for several minutes before leveling her with a hostile glimpse again. "I'll give you three guesses." "I'm not interested in playing games." "Come on. It'll be fun. I'll even give you a hint. It has something to do with wanting to be a part of my daughter's life." She marched up to him and grabbed the photo frame from his hand, careful not to make any physical contact. "We went over this. She's not yours." She returned the picture back to its original position. "Liar." "Why would I lie?" "Because it's who you are. Because it's a Monday. I don't know. Pick a reason." "Are you so bored with your own life you have to harass me to feel some excitement?" "Don't flatter yourself, Sage. I'm not here for you. My only concern is Ziyah." Just hearing Aidan say her daughter's name set her teeth on edge. "Don't pretend like you care about her." He stood up to his full height, peering down at her. "She's my daughter." "No, she's not. And your inability to accept that I fucked around on you just makes you look more pathetic." He smiled, a cheshire cat grin that made her even more nervous. "I told you this in high school but you probably don't remember. You have a tell when you lie. It gives you away every time." "Go to hell!" She turned to walk away but he grabbed her arm. "Let me go!" "You've kept her from me long enough." "She's not a fucking toy for you to play with." "That's right, she's not. So stop acting like you own her. She's our child and I have a right to get to know her." He eased his grip on her wrist. "I don't want to take any legal measures to right this. Don't force me to." She yanked her hand away from him. "Why now?" "Because it took me this long to find you." "Are you kidding me? That's the best excuse you can come up with? I've been here for the last eight years. I didn't move around."

"But you did change your name. That was a nice touch." He picked up one of the business cards from her table, smiling wryly at the name she used professionally. "Sairah Noor. It's a beautiful name. Sounds like it belongs to someone nice and sweet and totally not you."

"Fuck off."

"Sage, you were never a stupid girl. Don't be one now. I'm here because I'm willing to compromise and do things on your terms." His words took her by surprise. "Meaning what?" "Meaning I have no interest in taking Ziyah away from you. I just want to spend some time with her, get to know her." She eyed him suspiciously. "And then what?" He shrugged his shoulders. "We'll cross that bridge when we come to it." "You might be playing nice now, Aidan, but I know how you and your family operate. I'm not going to do anything to risk Ziyah's safety." Hurt flashed across his face. "You think I'm going to hurt her?" She swallowed an audible breath. Although her instincts screamed that Aidan wasn't capable of physical violence the way his father was, she didn't trust her own judgement. "Yes." His jaw clenched, he tore his gaze away – almost as if her words had stung so badly he couldn't even bear to look at her. "You really believe I’d hit a child?" Say yes. Just say yes. If she played on his insecurities, maybe he would leave altogether – but she couldn't bring herself to do it. "No, I don't think you would do that." His gaze sought hers out again, and she spotted a glimmer of hope in them. "But I know you, Aidan. You have a blind spot when it comes to your family and friends. Which means if any of them were to ever threaten Ziyah, hurt her, you wouldn't do anything to stop it. You'd stand idly by." Anger returned to his face. "You don't know me at all, do you?" "I wish I didn't." "Yeah well, you can't change the past. And as much as you might hate it, I am Ziyah's dad." "You haven't earned that title." "Then give me the chance to prove myself." "If I don't?" Picking up the picture again, he flashed a cold, intimidating smile. "Then I’ll make your life miserable." He sauntered towards her, a predator stalking its prey. Getting ready for the kill. He was standing directly in front of now, in such close proximity she could feel his breath humming against her skin. "I would love to fucking destroy you, but I don’t want Ziyah to see someone she loves suffer because of me." Sage struggled to stay stoic but it was difficult with his gaze lingering on her face, wavering from her eyes to her lips and back again. "Don't be stupid, Sage. We're adults, we can find a way to work through this. And like I said before, I'm even willing to play it your way to make things easier for Ziyah." Her breath caught in her throat when, suddenly, he leaned in closer. That same longing was still there, strong as ever as it rushed through her blood - but she forced herself to ignore the butterflies in her stomach. If he knew about her inner turmoil, he would use it against her. And she wasn't going to let that happen. "You should know." His index finger was on her skin, tracing along her hairline, making her insides quiver. "I bought the penthouse suite in your building, which means we'll be seeing a lot more of each other. And I'll consider this a housewarming gift from you." Before she could react he strode out of her office, Ziyah's picture in hand, leaving Sage stunned as she watched after him.

To be continued...

@tiki-tequila​ @idaofinfinity​ @bustlingcrowdsxorxsilentsleepers​

[unclekaz]

i'll be honest, springtrap and nolan having personal journals has been very prominent on my mind, mainly just imagining how they write.

springtrap has very good calligraphy but it's slightly sloppy since he never figured out a comfortable position for his writing hand in his life, awhile nolan literally writes chicken scratch. even nolan can't read what he writes, he only knows what it says because he remembered what he wrote down awhile writing it.

but also im imagining their styles of writing. nolan is very expressive and impactful in his mind because you know. machine theory is a perspective fic- but im imagining it's surprisingly brief but also details nolan's feelings. it's essentially what he always wants to say but could never bear to speak it, i.e his inner dialogue translated into a physical form

springtrap? it's his diary. it's full of solid looking doodles, the occasional sketch of nolan, and probably a LOT of mentally ill and likely very bad poetry. he absolutely hides it somewhere because of just how insanely obsessed he is in love with his husband, venting his feelings but also expressing is love in one center place. he'd love tumblr

press see more for two prompts each that are supposed to be excerpts from springtrap's and nolan's personal journals, you'll uh. you'll understand who's who.

'He's impossible to deal with some days. I cannot help but fret and worry over his conditions, but all he does is give me that warm smile. Well... At least I can always be there for him. It still distresses me to see him so thin. To think he's capable of so much while nearly being skin wrapped over bone is horrific. He seems to like my cooking, so maybe everything will be okay after all.'

'Come and see, please, indentured shall be thee to save my lover's soul. For he cannot bear the champion's curse any longer! Come, bitter conduct. Come, unsavory guide! Save the soul of my eternally damned beloved! For they seek a treasure unpossessed, a yearning in the heart unfulfilled with viscera... Save them, oh thee! Save them!'

-|-|-;ɛ -|-|-;()|_]o}|-;-|- ()/= |_ɛ/-\\/||\|o} |-;||nn ||\| }()|nnɛ()|\|ɛ'} [/-\/~ɛ /-\|\|o| o|/~|\/||\|o} ()/=/= |} /-\ /~ɛ()[[|_]/~/~||\|o} -|-|-;()|_]o}|-;-|-. |-|- }|[|<ɛ|\|} |nnɛ -|-() ɛ\/ɛ|\| [()|\|}|o|ɛ/~ -|-|-;/-\-|-. | \/\/|}|-; | [()|_]|_o| -|-/-\|_|< -|-() |-;||nn /-\|o()|_]-|- -|-|-;|}, |o|_]-|- |-;|} ɛ-/ɛ}... |/= ()|\||_-/ |-;ɛ |<|\|ɛ\/\/ \/\/|-;/-\-|- /-\ }|[|< |0|_]|0|0-/ |-;ɛ |-;/-\o| ()|\| |-;|} |-;/-\|\|o|}...

(The thought of leaving him in someone's care and driving off is a reoccurring thought. It sickens me to even consider that. I wish I could talk to him about this, but his eyes... If only he knew what a sick puppy he had on his hands...)

|nn-/ |o()o|-/ |} }-|-/-\/~-|-||\|o} -|-() }|_()\/\/ o|()\/\/|\| -|-|-;/-\|\||<} -|-() |nn-/ |\|ɛo}|_ɛ[-|-. |'|nn [/-\|0/-\|o|_ɛ, |o|_]-|- |\|()-|- |_]|\|}-|-()|0|0/-\|o|_ɛ. -|-|-;ɛ |-;|_]|\|o}ɛ/~ |0/-\|\|o}} /-\/~ɛ o}ɛ-|--|-||\|o} \/\/()/~}ɛ, -|-|-;ɛ ||\|}()|nn|\||/-\ |} }-|-/-\/~-|-||\|o} -|-() |<ɛɛ|0 |nnɛ |_]|0 /=()/~ /-\ \/\/ɛɛ|< }-|-/~/-\|o}|-;-|-. | /'|_]}-|- [/-\|\|'-|- |oɛ/-\/~ -|-() -|-ɛ|_|_ |-;||nn... |-;ɛ'o| }-|-/-\/~-|- [/~-/||\|o} ()\/ɛ/~ |nn-/ [()|\|o||-|-|()|\| /-\|\|o| |oɛo}o}||\|o} |nnɛ -|-() -|-/-\|<ɛ [/-\/~ɛ ()/= |nn-/}ɛ|_/=. ()/~, |-;ɛ'|_|_ o|() |-|- |-;||nn}ɛ|_/=. |'o| |_()\/ɛ -|-() ɛ|\|\/|}|()|\| |-;||nn \/\/|-;|}|0ɛ/~||\|o} }\/\/ɛɛ-|- |\|()-|-|-;||\|o}} ||\|-|-() |nn-/ ɛ/-\/~} -|-() |-;ɛ|_|0 |nnɛ }|_ɛɛ|0.

(My body is starting to slow down thanks to my neglect. I'm capable, but not unstoppable. The hunger pangs are getting worse, the insomnia is starting to keep me up for a week straight. I just can't bear to tell him... He'd start crying over my condition and begging me to take care of myself. Or, he'll do it himself. I'd love to envision him whispering sweet nothings into my ears to help me sleep.)

[eroticcannibal]

I’ll just get this out of the way: I believe in transandrophobia or whatever people want to call it, I believe in listening to trans mens experiences.

BUT. I cannot stand most of the big people on here who discuss it for reasons similar to the recent post you made about how privileged women still experience violence.

I once saw a thread of trans men all saying that cis white women who fear violence and being kidnapped murdered, shouldn’t fear that, and that any cis white woman who is scared of misogynistic violence has just been brainwashed by mainstream true crime and crime shows, and a couple people said “lol they don’t want you why are you scared”.

I am a white cis girl (I’m also a trans guy but that’s not super relevant rn lol). I fully know my privilege and frequently have discussions along the subject of white privilege with friends of color. I don’t shy away from the topic.

but I have almost been kidnapped twice in the short 18 years I’ve been on this planet. One of my earliest memories is that experience in a shopping mall. Every cis girl I know, white or not, has had real life experience at least once with this kind of thing.

and when I saw that thread, it made me feel ill. To me it feels like so many other trans guys on here decided that the “being a man doesn’t make you bad” doesn’t apply to any other privileged group because they didn’t want to be seen as deniers of other forms of privilege. I also saw an entire thread where a shit ton of trans guys were literally saying that, because white cis women are the physical “vessels of the white race”, then apparently we are not at risk of domestic violence because cis white men need us to keep their dream of a white supremacist world alive. and many people responded with righteous outrage just to be dismissed as “well they are just trying to defend white women”.

the fucking rampant misogyny in these spaces is so fucking hard to deal with, and they complain all day about how people ignore issues men have, then turn around and act like one form of privilege means your other experiences of oppression don’t matter.

so long story short thank you for those posts I’ve been so ducking exhausted lately trying to find a balance between discussing transandrophobia with other transmascs, and protecting my mental health from all the misogyny in those spaces. it’s so fucking tiring.

U get it. U get it. And yeah this sickening attitude towards women is rampant in spaces that support the idea of transandrophobia (and honestly I think this most recent wave of "progressive" misogyny is squarely on trans men who believe in transadrophobia, and insay that as one of them) I wasn't sure if I was gonna call out that group specifically myself but since u bring it up!

Also I think we saw the same post cus that sounds like one of a few that set me off lol

Like im not even shocked at ur experiences there. I have experienced and seen some SHIT while playing the role of a white cis woman. And it was all normal. The women who raised me to always be on guard did that for a reason. The distrust of men among white women isnt from brainwashing, its from knowing half your friends were molested by their male relatives and seeing their mothers get beat every evening.

But also that other example you discuss... now I've not seen it in these spaces specifically but I have seen *some* people dismissing violence against white women due to something something white supremacy and just. Its truly sickening. Its evil. (And shows a fundamental misunderstanding of white supremacy, female subjugation is an intrinsic part of it).

And yeah like you say. Any time someone brings attention to any of this shit its "how dare you defend WHITE women". As if they arent still women.

And especially when the social space i occupy still overlaps with the experiences considered that of white women, when I'm facing these justified fears of violence (again) in my day to day life.... yeah. Its fucking exhausting. When the spaces that claim to support my experiences as a man dismiss my experiences and fears because those are the experiences and fears of icky white women. (When they arent even mutually exclusive categories, and even people like me and the most cis of cis women have more in common than difference)

[freshtransavocado]

What recently happened with Ang sickens me to my core and it's why I have been making countless posts about people who think 'if you draw it then you condone it' being not only extremely childish and on top of that repeating Nazi rhetoric, but also these people are dangerous.

You guys are putting pixels/lines on paper above real life harm. You guys think lines on a paper are a reason to send someone to their death. You guys are physically unable to mind your business and seek out people to publicly hurt over fictional content and then turn around to make your own fictional content as if it wasn't the same shit.

What happened with Ang is a literal form of murder. A crime. And I don't say this lightly.

Fascism has been around for a while. But you people keep rebranding it and spreading it around.

You people think it's silly to pass around an Aryan test and tell your friends "hey try this test it's so silly !!"

You people brought back phrenology and think it's quirky.

You people tell disabled and queer people who express themselves through art that they are mentally ill and should essentially get lobotomized or you tell them they are freaks that should be sterilized then euthanized.

You people HURL racism at POC artists who simply exist and make 18+ art.

You people accuse artists essentially smashing Barbie dolls together for fun but on paper/on a device of all sorts of crimes and felonies with ZERO evidence other than "this art made me feel uncomfortable".

You people actively eradicate any and ALL safe spaces for everyone including your own little 'anti' friends.

You people REFUSE to educate yourselves, claiming "I ain't reading allat" and then continue to bully, harass, doxx, harm and now kill people. And you prefer to lie about objective definitions, claiming they are "lies" and call people who pull them "degenerates" because it doesn't align with the misinformation you all actively spread.

You people LOVEEEE censorship. You want to bring back the Hayes Code. Heck, if you could, you'd bring back book burning events, if the art you hated wasn't mostly online.

Meanwhile the real dangerous people fly under the radar and abuse/assault people of all ages and all backgrounds any and everywhere because you people keep sounding the alarm when there is nothing to be worried about.

And the worst part is ? The people who killed Ang are proud of what they did. They claim they "didn't know it was happening" then turn around and celebrate Ang's death in advance.

And you people call yourselves "normal people".

We are at a point where people can no longer be "neutral" and "stay out of this conflict" because silence is compliance with fascism.

[emcant]

Really sick reason to be happy but I can't stop smiling

TW/CW child abuse, mental illness, SH

One of my aunts calls our family "yours, mine, and ours", which is accurate. We've got me, my (step)brother, my dad, my stepmom, and my (half)sister. My brother is seven weeks younger than I am. Our parents got together when we were around four- "work spouses" who were both recently divorced- and our little sister came a few years later.

My bio mom and my brother's bio dad are a mess, somewhere between incapable and unwilling to parent full time. I've been in therapy off and on for most of my life and got my C-PTSD diagnosis at 15. My brother, god love him, just reached his first year of sobriety, having started drinking around the same age.

Naturally, every time we had a chance to say "This isn't normal" to our shared folks, we'd be told "Well of course you'd think that, you're used to your other parent!". The other person was a shovel used for digs: "This isn't their house!". They'd call me by my mom's name when I made them upset.

I assumed I was broken either because of my mom or because of the split. I can't know for certain, of course, but I think the cause of the C-PTSD was specifically that they traded custody daily, at my mom's request, until she moved out of state. She gives the silent treatment. My stepmom screams. The rules changed on me literally every 24 hours until I was 13.

Life evened out a lot when she did move away - but not entirely. I wound up in screamland 90% of the time rather than 50. I couldn't figure out why it didn't feel right or why it kept happening to me, but I believed my folks: I wasn't used to it because my mom's "parenting" is different and worse. I felt sickened to be involved with my mom at all. I thought that if only she wasn't waiting in the wings, I'd be entitled to a normal childhood, but because of her influence, I deserved everything I got.

Anyway, I have been texting my little sister about Christmas gifts for our brother, and out of nowhere, earlier this week, she tells me she's going to therapy for the first time... because she's realized it's not normal for your mom to scream at you literally all day and your dad to not intervene.

I haven't been home for more than three days since I moved out over a decade ago. I had a chance to pass through the town earlier this year, didn't do it, and still had panic attacks for two weeks straight. I can't hack it as someone's daughter; it makes me physically sick.

But that isn't a me problem.

Not a one of them could hack it as parents.

I've stopped hearing my mother's doubts in my head - I cut her off when I moved away. I've never been quite able to shut off my stepmom's. The screamer versus the silence... it fits.

I'm not a poser if I can't create when I don't have a comfortable space to work. I should not self-reject because I'm frightened. In the absence of an abuser, I'm finding that holding ideas in also hurts a lot.

I'm not stupid or useless or gearing up to be a failure for needing the introvert rest period and knowing my limits. It will not hold me back in life.

It isn't normal to want to hurt yourself. It isn't normal for people to laugh it off and talk about themselves when you tell them you want to hurt yourself.

The mandatory insincerity I grew up around has thankfully faded a lot - I don't think I could summarize that anymore if I tried.

I'm heartbroken that my little sister is going to need to learn these things - but ecstatic that she will, and is actively moving towards it. Had a similar conversation with our brother a few years ago, but of course, he has his dad in the wings; it hits differently now knowing that it would have happened no matter what. Children in that home are screamed at, hit, and not defended. Simple as.

I'm not what they wanted me to be.

I'd say that's "fine" but that doesn't even begin to cover it. It's exemplary.

[batstorm93672]

Plauged by nightmares for a whole week.

Damian doesn't know why or how it started, it just wouldn't let up. Now it's getting in the way of school and his nighttime work.

There Damian sat up with unfallen tears in his eyes and sweat trailing down his face. He barely remembers what it was about this time, lately the nightmares have mushed together, so either the League or Hell or his death. All of them bad and annoying him to a far extent. He had his knees to his chest, resting his arms on the top of his knees. Damian could see the shaking of his palms in the dark, it was an aftereffect he can't stop. Lately it's just been a cycle of waking up at night and trembling until he can go back to sleep then waking up feeling as if he got no sleep whatsoever. Damian watched Titus's body heave up and down in a rhythm of sleep. Blissful sleep that Damian wished he had, sometimes Titus would be awake to comfort him, but tonight he was out playing for so long Titus tuckered himself out.

.

How long has it been since he fell back asleep? Maybe three hours ago he was staring at his trembling hands, now he was greeted by light through his blinds. Damian wanted to shut the world out so he could sleep longer, but he knows better (sadly he does, the temptation to rest his head back down and close his eyes was immeasurable)

"Hey Dami? You awake? Alfred made breakfast. If you're not awake then he can save it and I'll reheat it for you if you'd like" Bright sunny Richard. So much energy that Damian doesn't have, of course Richard had his dark sides and Damian knows that as well as everyone else. Yet that cheery optimism was a sight indeed.

Damian was debating on whether or not he should pretend that he's sleeping and be alone with his dog for awhile. The temptation is so difficult...

"I'll be there soon Richard"

"Okay, see you downstairs"

.

"Hey, you listening? You wanted to hear about the case right? You gotta pay attention" Tim snapped his fingers and Damian blinked looking at his brother who had a laptop in front of him. "Tt. Continue, you don't need to hold my hand in order for me to listen" "Hm..." Tim stared and Damian could see the questions bouncing around Tim's mind, as if Damian was a puzzle. Damian kept a straight face, don't let anything slip and Tim will find that this puzzle is guarded away and won't go into it.

As wanted, Tim went back towards the case and Damian listened.

.

Damian sat up, everything was blurry and a mess. His mouth was dry and all words were pushed away as he looked at his trembling hands. Again it continues, this cycle of nightmares.

Why won't it end? Why did it begin? Why every night?

Damian covered his face, he could feel some tears at the edge of falling down so he wiped it away before it could.

.

"Demon, you alive there? Don't go drooling in your food"

"Oh, my apologies"

Damian felt like a robot, holding the fork in his hand and stabbing at the eggs in order to shove it down his mouth. This routine was sickening. He can't even think properly.

"You seem out it"

"I agree, Master Damian, how have you been feeling?"

"I'm well, simply trying to wake myself up is all"

That's not a lie, he had to mentally make himself stay awake long enough for the day to end, only to awaken and start over.

"Damian?" Father, was calling him

Damian looked up to see that everyone around the table was looking directly at him. What did he miss? Did he make a mistake?

"Yes father?"

"Dick was calling your name. You weren't responding"

Richard?

"What was it you were saying Richard?"

"I was calling you for three minutes and you sat there looking lost, are you okay? Do you feel sick?"

"I assure you, my physical condition is well. I am not ill, merely-"

Jason cut Damian off "What about mentally?"

"I beg your pardon?"

"Physically you are well, what is your mental condition?"

"Fine as well Jason" Damian glared a bit and turned back to Dick "As I was saying, I'm not sick. Merely shaking off some of my slumber" Alfred cleared his throat "That is quite common, wouldn't you all agree? How about we leave the questions and let Master Damian be able to eat?" Dick and Jason mumbled out apologies and Damian mentally thanked Alfred for that. Alfred doesn't know, but still not having to keep this conversation was better than having to force himself to talk and appeal to everyone.

.

Damian sliced the head of a dummy off clean, his body felt heavy with having to stay awake. So badly did Damian want to sleep, but the outcome would always be nightmares.

"Nice cut"

Stephanie

"Thank you"

"Mmhm, having fun?"

"I suppose if slicing off heads is an ideal part of one's stimuli of enjoyment, then yes I'm having fun"

"Hehehe yeah, every person's go-to. I wanted to ask if you've been feeling okay? At breakfast you seemed out of it and at lunch you almost looked like a zombie" "Thank you for your concern, but I'm fine" "Damian if something is wrong, you should tell someone before it gets worse"

"Everything is fine, I'm fine, it's all fine Stephanie"

"Damian, you're crying"

"Wha-"

Damian felt at his face, he was indeed crying as mentioned. "I'm not crying" Turning away and wiping his face with his sleeve roughly. "I'm fine Stephanie" This conversation was getting difficult for Damian to keep going. His mind was getting foggy and the rush of exhaustion wavered his movements "I'm sorry I pushed you there. I was worried. I'll let you be" Damian nodded and left.

.

Reaching out of the dirt to escape the flames. The screams rang in his ears as laughter came from below. So badly he wanted to escape and make it back to them. Just a little more! The light of the dirt making it's way he kept digging himself out. His hands hurt, but it doesn't matter, just a little more! Just-- The burning chains seared into his legs, the burning flesh making him cry out. Then the plummeting feeling in his stomach as he fell back down farther away from the light of freedom.

He sat up. With a small shout escaping his lips he had to make himself aware of his surroundings. Damian looked at his shaking hands, feeling his body crumple under the weight of the lack of sleep he's been receiving lately.

Damian put his hands in his hair, the trembles wouldn't stop. Tears ran down his face and he wanted to stop it. To stop the nightmares that haunted him, the pain that never ended and the amount of times he awoke only to stare at his shaking hands.

Damian looked down and buried his head into his knees.

His door creaked open and Damian wasn't fully aware to pay attention to it. Titus walked in followed by Richard.

"Dames?"

Damian didn't respond, it seemed that Titus brought help this time. Normally it would be Titus by him sleeping or being there to help. This night was worse than the others, so Titus brought backup. Dick walked over and sat by Damian.

"Damian, baby, what's wrong?"

"...m-make it stop p-please make it stop"

"What do you want to stop?"

"Nightmares... so many of them"

"Oh, is this why you've been so out of it? Come here" Damian pressed himself into Dick's embrace the tears falling faster. "Oh my poor baby, it's okay. It's okay. I'm here, you're okay now" "R-Richard... Richard don't leave me please don't leave me don't let me go" "No, no, no I won't let you go. You're with me Dames. I won't let you go. I got you, you're in my arms and I won't let you go" Damian buried his head in the nook of Dick's neck and cried. "Don't leave me... don't l-leave me alone again" "I won't, I won't leave you. You're okay and you're safe"

Damian wore himself out, holding Dick as much as he could before his cries became sniffles. Dick rubbed Damian's back in small circles as he held Damian. "There we go... you're okay Damian. You're okay, no one can hurt you. Nothing won't take you away"

"I didn't want to tell anyone... I thought if I just let it happen then it would go away... it doesn't. It hasn't gone away, I haven't been able to sleep for a week now... everytime I wake up and I can't stop shaking, I can't focus on anything. I'm sorry Richard... I'm sorry"

"There's no reason to say sorry, nightmares are scary and it can make the most toughest people cry. It's okay Damian, it's okay to have nightmares and want to come to someone and cry. Cause I'll be here with open arms to help you. Okay?"

"Okay"

"Do you want to go back to sleep?"

"Will you stay..?"

"You don't even have to ask"