#this is just really gross and there is no coverage of it here on the biggest sims platform

[celestialspritz]

PSA for fans of pleasantsims

i don’t like to talk drama at all but considering the majority of cindy (pleasantsims) fanbase are teenagers just getting into the sims, just an fyi that she’s 1) a very icky person, read about it on the snark subreddit that’s up (there’s verified evidence of her abusing her ex husband there) and 2) her new boyfriend is planning to doxx many people who criticise her (on that snark subreddit) by hiring a digital detective. this is a grown man btw. please be safe people, this is really some disgusting work by the hands of cindy 🫂

[long-live-astronerd-ghost-king]

DP x DC prompt. Dead on main. AU with giant true ghost form of Danny.

In Gotham, strange things happened quite often.  But only now did Dick really want Constantine or Zatanna around.

Cult leader: We hope the first victim will be tasty enough for you.

Jason finally frees himself from the gag. What is he going to do? Distract the attention of this thing on himself?

Red Hood: Eat him! Eat him!

Dick stared in horror. He knew that Damian didn’t yet get along with all the family members but he didn’t expect the outright hatred from Jason.

The creature’s movement is too fast. Dick blinks. Where is his brother? Did he fail him again?

Robin: Open your fucking jaw, you ghostly freak, or I’ll start knocking your teeth out and trust me, no dental coverage will cover it.

The face of the ghost takes a thoughtful expression.Nightwing can see as it is moving its tongue.

Just don’t swallow. Please. Don’t swallow.

The ghost finally spits out Robin. Then it wipes its lips.

Danny: Ew, do you wash at all, bird? My poor taste buds.

Robin: I’m in my work suit. Taste the dust and garbage of Gotham, big jerk. Why did you even lick me?

Danny:Hey, it was dangerous in here.

Damian lifts eyebrow.

Danny:..

Danny: And they smeared on you concentrated ectoplasm. I couldn’t control myself. Well, until I tasted Gotham on you. It killed the mood.

Robin:...

Danny: Sorry. But I was hungry, okay? And this stuff is toxic to people. You should thank me.

Damian: You’re just gross, disgusting..

Jason: Hey, don’t talk to my boyfriend like that!

Boyfriend?!!

Damian: Got the cult members? Good. Now shut your mouth, Hood.

Damian: But first untie Nightwing and tell your monster to apologize for almost make him have a heart attack.

Dick: Already did it myself. Thanks for the care.Then...

Dick: What the actual hell?! You two! No. You three owe me an explanation. Now!

Danny: Um. You must be Dick. Your brothers have told only good things about you.

Jason: Lie.

Damian: Total lie. I haven’t said one good thing about you.

Danny: He loves your hugs.

Damian: Get back to where you came from! Vicious lying creature! *aggressively erases the pentogram* I did not say this!

Dick: Stop it, both of you!

Dick: You!*points at Danny* Stop talking so loud! I have a headache.

Danny *nods*.

Dick: You! *points at Damian* Give me a hug!

Damian: But I’m covered in saliva, Grayson.

Dick: I said hug me!

Dick: You! *points at Jason* bring your boyfriend to the family reunion.

Jason: What? Again? For what?

Dick: What do you mean again? Who else knows?

Damian *frees his hands and starts counting*.

Damian: By my calculations, you’re the only one

Dick *exhales calmly*

Damian: who didn’t know it yet.

Dick: What the hell? Even Bruce?

Danny: Even Bruce.

Dick: Why am I always the last to know?

Damian: Because you don’t live in Gotham, Richard.

[toast-the-unknowing]

on fanfic plagiarism

Almost five years ago, in January of 2019, someone I'd never met before reached out to tell me that one of my Pynch fics, "Word on the Street," had been plagiarized.

I remember that the stolen fic was posted in k-pop fandom, though not what specific band it related to -- I'm not into k-pop, or really into pop music at all.

I remember that the person who messaged me told me that they had found my fic because the plagiarist had a reputation for stealing fic, so when they'd posted a new story, this person had known to do some digging.

I don't remember what the plagiarist's username was. I remember scanning the stolen story, trying both to read every detail and to avoiding taking any of it in, because looking at that right-but-wrong, not-quite-there, uncanny-valley-ness of it made me queasy.

I remember being darkly amused that the plagiarist had cut out the reference to the main character suffering physical abuse at the hands of his father -- I guess it didn't make sense in the context of the new character. It's almost like the story wasn't written for him. It's almost like someone wrote the story about Adam Parrish, instead.

I filed an AO3 complaint, on the grounds that this was a blatant and unarguable violation of their plagiarism policy. Within twenty-four hours, they got back to me, and the story was removed.

It was a weird, uncomfortable, gross feeling, knowing someone had taken words I'd written and passed them off as their own.

But at the same time -- "Word on the Street" was a silly thing I dashed off pretty quickly, during a period of my life when I was doing a lot of writing. It hurt to have it stolen. It was a violation. But…I had other words, that were more important to me. Maybe that was a buffer.

-

Last month, about six weeks ago, someone I'd never met before reached out to tell me that one of my Pynch fics, "there's talk going 'round this town," had been plagiarized.

I was, bizarrely, amused.

I was less bizarrely furious. I was understandably, relatably, I would say rationally, furious. But in a way (and as always, when I say in a way, I am calling back to the scholars of overthinkingit.com for whom in a way is meant as the thing I have just said or am about to say is false) -- in a way, I was amused.

The plagiarist clearly did a 'find and replace' on the character names, to replace Adam and Ronan's names with those of k-pop characters. They did a bad job of it, since the name "Ronan" still appears in one paragraph and the name "Parrish" still appears in two paragraphs. The fic is here, in case anyone doesn't believe me, under the name "i do(n't remember)". At first when I complained about the fic on tumblr, I didn't mention the name, or which fic they'd stolen, because I was worried about anyone…I don't know, making a scene. I've stopped caring. AO3 user springguk is bad at find and replace and they should feel bad. About their computer skills, and also about their blatant plagiarism.

springguk also did some more edits to my fic, I have to give them credit for that. I wrote "there's talk going 'round this town" within a relatively short time span, for me. I tend to either finish things within one week, or else take several months. I believe this one took about five or six weeks completely to write -- I was very inspired.

(I was inspired, specifically, by the press coverage of Winona Ryder and Keanu Reeves 'discovering' they might be 'accidentally' married. I mention that in my author's notes. springguk doesn't mention what 'inspired' them in their author's notes. I wonder how they talk about it with friends. They do, in their author's notes, include a link to their ko-fi, and a request that people buy them a coffee.)

If I'd taken longer with this fic, I might have made some edits. Even at the time, I knew I was being self-indulgent in letting the scene with my teenage female OC talk at such length with Ronan about what his non-canonical film career had meant to her, a person the audience didn't care about. But I had fun. I liked Fox. I didn't want to cut her, and what the hell, it was fanfic. I decided to self-indulge.

I was darkly amused to find that springguk did cut out the scene with Fox from their plagiarized version. Maybe springguk is a more disciplined editor than I am. Maybe springguk just didn't have a good k-pop character to map Fox onto. Maybe springguk didn't even realize that Fox was an OC. Do you know anything about the fandom you steal fics from, springguk? I can't help but wonder. Have you read The Raven Cycle? Do you care about teenage OCs who steal cars because of fake films that are clearly meant to be stand-ins for The Fast and the Furious franchise?

Maybe springguk just didn't give a fuck, because none of their heart and soul was poured into this fic. I cared too much about Fox. springguk doesn't care about a single word in the fic they published. Why would they? They didn't write it.

I'm being a little mean in naming them so many times. But I'm able to, this time, because although I filed a plagiarism complaint with AO3 six weeks ago, springguk's stolen fic "i do(n't remember)," is still available to read on AO3 to this very day. I don't have to wrack my brains to remember what their username was, or which k-pop band they recast my work with. I can just look at their fic with its 24 comments and 151 kudos. Hell, maybe that fic is even better than mine, if you don't mind that by cutting the sequence with Fox they've sacrificed a fairly substantial development in the romantic relationship, and also if you don't care that at one point the characters names switch from Jeongguk and Taehyung to Ronan and Parrish, because seriously, for fuck's sake, if you're going to steal a fic at least do a goddamn ctrl+f at the end.

I was mad. I was amused. I made a complaint that the AO3, six weeks later, has still not acted on. I mostly moved on.

-

Tonight, someone I'd never met before reached out to tell me that one of my Pynch fics, "while we're on the subject, could we change the subject now," had been plagiarized.

I wanted to vomit.

I was supposed to be playing Dungeons and Dragons online with friends tonight; I spent the entire call unable to focus on anything anyone was saying. I had to keep reminding myself that I was on camera and my face wasn't supposed to look like that.

"while we're on the subject, could we change the subject now" is the first of a series of, currently, twelve fics. skytoseungmin, the person who stole it to pass it off as their own work, knew this. Their stolen version was published as part one of a series, though they hadn't published any of the sequels. Presumably, they wanted to wait long enough to make it plausible they'd gone and written the follow ups, instead of just finding them.

skytoseungmin likely didn't know that this fic and this series are intensely personal. They didn't know that the apartment that Adam -- Seungmin, in their ill-gotten version -- lives in, that was based in part off of the apartment I lived in for a year in Pico-Robertson with talldecafcappuccino. They didn't know that the 7-Eleven Adam buys coffee at is the same one I used to tease talldecafcappuccino for buying coffee at. They didn't know that the strip club where Adam and Ronan have their humorously ill-timed romantic revelation outside of, that was the strip club I used to use as a landmark when giving people directions for how to navigate the confusing as fuck freeway exit I lived near, which once caused me to accidentally tell my highly Catholic parents "just go past the strip club and you're good!"

skytoseungmin didn't know that the apartment Adam -- sorry, Seungmin, thoroughly, they were better with find and replace than springguk -- lived in, was also based off of my ex's apartment in Palms, where I as the mere visiting girlfriend was never allowed to park in the parking lot. Where I would sometimes have to spend twenty or thirty minutes circling the neighborhood before I could find parking, often a walk of several minutes away. skytoseungmin doesn't know that when Ronan's car get towed from a McDonald's parking lot, that that was a specific McDonald's on Venice Boulevards, the same one my ex's asshole roommate used to just roll his eyes and say that I should park at. skytoseungmin doesn't know that I once wished passionately that I had just parked in that McDonald's parking lot and risked getting towed, on the occasion that a man followed me several unlit blocks from my car. skytoseungmin doesn't know that when I talk about how helping someone park is the truest love language there is in Los Angeles, that that was what I meant. Has skytoseungmin ever had to circle to half an hour to find parking in Los Angeles? Has skytoseungmin ever loved someone enough to do that, instead of saying, fuck it, they can come to me or we're breaking up? Has skytoseungmin ever loved someone in Los Angeles enough, to do as my ex did, and come running as fast as humanly possibly when their girlfriend called them whispering and crying on the phone, someone's following me, please, I'm scared, I wish I just parked at the McDonald's?

"while we're on the subject, could we change the subject now" is a very personal fic.

It isn't half as personal as some of the fics that come after.

skytoseungmin marked their plagiarized version of the fic as part one of a series. Were they planning on stealing part two, where I, through an alternate universe characterization of Ronan Lynch, dig into my experience of grief and trauma surrounding my grandmother's dementia? Were they planning on stealing any of the explicit fics, where I play with kink and desire in ways I haven't even exposed to my actual sexual partners, but where I felt able to through the guise of fandom? What else was skytoseungmin planning on stealing, with charming little author's notes apologizing for how they missed the fandom-relevant date they were shooting for, because they were so busy with exams, tee-hee! Why the excuses, skytoseungmin? how long does it take you to ctrl+f, even if you are more thorough about it than springguk?

If I seem too accusatory and mean-spirited toward skytoseungmin, well, the LA verse is a very personal fic.

And it's also, it turns out, only one of eight different fics that they stole from me.

I didn't even notice at first, to be honest. I was too stunned. But my friend Jessie, my Lady Galahad, went to my defense and clicked through to the author's page, while I was still reeling at the horrible possibilities of part one of a series. It turned out, of eight fics on skytoseungmin's author's page…I had written every single one of them.

Some were short and pretty lighthearted, things I hadn't had to invest too much of myself into -- like I said, sometimes, I can write a fic in under a week.

Other things…

They stole the space western AU.

I don't think I can articulate to any human being how much that hurt me, to look at it, to see.

I wrote that as a thank you gift for someone who donated to Fandom Trumps Hate.

I spent nearly two years of my life on it -- two years during which, because of mental health issues and life situation changes, my words per year dropped precipitously. I still haven't recovered. I still think of what a failure I am for not writing more, currently, actively, and I remember how the space western AU was both a symptom of that and a defiance of it: yes, writing has become fucking hard, fucking NEARLY IMPOSSIBLE, but I'm still doing it, goddamn it, you can't stop me, even if all I produce is the tiniest trickle of words a month. it can still add up, somehow, if we just keep TRYING.

To see the space western AU, casually nestled amongst a half dozen other fics that were all apparently casually dashed off in the same month…I know it was theft, I know it was a lie, but it still felt like a slap in the face, why can't you write this fast?

Jessie, my Lady Galahad, went on a campaign of commenting on all of skytoseungmin's (my) fics, and I am so thankful. The k-pop fans who heard Jessie have been reaching out, to her, to me, to each other on Twitter, and I am so thankful for them too. skytoseungmin has deleted all of their (my) fics on AO3, and their entire AO3 account, and their entire twitter, apparently. Maybe they were hoping to get enough clicks to parlay them into some kind of book deal, and they'd now rather give up what was a low investment effort on their part than be associated with accusation of plagiarism.

I suppose they can always start over with a new user name and someone else's fics if they really want to.

I suppose they can always start over with a new username and my fics, if they really want to.

And after all, AO3 has still not reached out to me about springguk, and "i do(n't remember)" is still sitting there. Maybe springguk is also going for a book deal. Who knows?

Why complain about any of it?

In a way* (and remember what "in a way" means), isn't it a compliment, if someone loves the words I wrote, even if they don't know it was me that wrote them? toast-the-unknowing and shinealightonme, if they're the same name (and they are), then why not springguk or skytoseungmin, too?

Am I making too big of a deal out of this? Does everyone just have their work stolen from them, all of the time? Is that simply the cost of doing business in an era and an ecosystem where we all can copy and paste twenty-four thousand words with greater ease than our ancestors could transcribe a single phrase? Are more prolific, more famous, more successful fan authors looking at my piteous cries and thinking, bitch, you've only been ripped off by k-pop fans ten times, come back when you have real problems?

And yet in a month, a year, a whole life phase of not being able to write as much as I would like to, because of my health, because of my work, to have someone else just casually pass off the words I have managed to eke out, as though they have no value, as though it were no more than photo copying a shitty flier to stick under a windshield wiper…

I can't imagine springguk or skytoseungmin give a shit how I feel about any of this. At best, they roll their eyes; at worst they laugh to know they hurt me -- and what's the difference between the two? I'll never know either way.

I know that some of the people they duped do care, and are also upset. That helps. And also, it doesn't help.

I just fucking hate all of this, and if all I have are words, and if my words are valuable enough for someone to steal, then here, here are enough of them to choke on. I know I did.

[spiders-hth-is-an-outlier]

So many people have spoken so cromulently about the brouhaha in Olympics women's boxing, and I share the frustration and anger over the shit way Imane Kelif is being treated for the crime of being an insufficiently feminine woman. I can't add any more to that.

But I haven't seen anyone talking much about the other fighter in the match, and -- look, I don't want to drag her, because I have never lost at the Olympics, and I've never been punched in the face, so who knows how I'd react to either. But there's something so repellent and gross to me about the prurient way media coverage has dwelled on Angela Carini's *weeping* and how she said it *hurt so much* and now she's so *unhappy* because her *dreams are dead.*

Like -- this woman is supposed to be an elite, world-class boxer! The pity and protectiveness we're being pressed to feel for her because she got in the ring and got hit real hard is just like -- what is happening here? They hit as hard as they can at the Olympics, that's like, the whole thing! Idk how weight classes work in women's boxing, maybe there should be more finely tuned categories, if it's so shocking to see a bigger person punch a smaller one, but this is like, *fucking boxing,* a sport where traditionally there was a non-zero risk of getting hit so hard you *died.*

It's just really off-putting to me to see all these self-proclaimed champions of female athletes talking about Carini using exclusively the language appropriate to domestic violence victims, rather than giving her any sort of dignity as a competitor.

Again, I'm trying really hard not to hang anything on Carini herself, because I get that "there's no crying in baseball!!!" is supposed to be the Incorrect Take and there's nothing inherently wrong with crying from pain or disappointment, but like. It's so gross and weird, and it's so not how any reporting would treat a man who lost a match. It's so obviously a matter of immediately divorcing her from her context as *an Olympic athlete* and *a boxer* in order to recast her as *a sad injured lady.* Really drives home the point about how weakness and vulnerability are load-bearing components of how these "radical feminists" perceive the nature of womanhood.

[armoricaroyalty]

For some reason, when she kissed him, he thought of Theo.

Previous | Chapter Start | Beginning | Next

Transcript under the cut.

WOMAN 1 | ...for real, I've been like, completely obsessed. WOMAN 1 | Like, there was hardly any wedding coverage for Jacques and Vivi, right? And that was my first royal wedding! I thought it was normal! I didn't know I was missing out. WOMAN 2 | Right? It feels like everyone's been saving up all their hype. WOMAN 1 | Has anyone else been following the dress rumors? WOMAN 2 | [ sighs ] I just hope Emily's dress isn't as boring as Vivi's was. WOMAN 2 | Vivi's whole wardrobe is boring! She dresses like a toddler, it is so unflattering. WOMAN 1 | I know, right? She should ask Lady Em to take her shopping. WOMAN 3 | Lady Emily is soooo gorgeous. WOMAN 2 | She's too good for him. He's always been such a scrub. WOMAN 1 | Whatever! I'm just glad it's a real love story, not just a shotgun wedding. An office romance... [ dreamy sigh ] Like, it could have been me! THEO | [ scoffs ] [ The conversation died immediately, and the silence solidified into something like hostility. Theo turned to see five pale, contemptuous faces fixed on her back, and her heart jumped up into her throat. Fighting to keep her expression neutral and her voice even, she stood and announced to no one that she was going to lunch. They pretended not to hear her. ] WOMAN 1 | ...she is such a stuck-up b-word. WOMAN 2 | Did you know that she used to date Prince Frederick? WOMAN 1 | Oh my god. Her? WOMAN 2 | Yeah. That's how she got hired here after she got disbarred or whatever. WOMAN 3 | Yeah. And her mom dated the King before he married the Queen. WOMAN 1 | Oh my god. She's a second-generation royal girlfriend? Gross. WOMAN 2 | D'you think her daughter will actually land a prince? WOMAN 3 | Why not? [ giggles ] Third time's the charm! [ Even in the warmer months, the gardens at Yew Court Palace stood empty. In February, the fountains were dry and the ivy dormant. Fat crows stirred in the bare branches overhead. Somewhere nearby, muffled by hedges, came the low hum of passing traffic. ] [ It was a food place to be alone. ]

THEO: I am going to kill myself or my coworkers, havent decided yet FREDDY: Nooooo dont do that FREDDY: Id have noone to text if you were dead THEO: Aw, no friends? FREDDY: Nope :( THEO: Pobrecito FREDDY: O baby. Talk dirty to me THEO: Lmao THEO: For real though THEO: Gonna kill my coworkers THEO: Or myself FREDDY: What did they do this time THEO: They are just openly talking shit about me now THEO: IN FRONT OF ME FREDDY: Wtf???????? FREDDY: Want me to have them fired lol THEO: I can fight my own battles tyvm FREDDY: Whats your battle plan? Stapler in jello? Sign them up for boner pill emails? THEO: Find a new job and leave them here to choke on their own incompetence FREDDY: Love when you talk about choking :heart_eyes: THEO: LMAO perv FREDDY: Cant help myself lol FREDDY: Anyway…sorry about your terrible job. Mine kinda sucks rn too THEO: Isn’t your job rn wedding planning?? FREDDY: But it’s not it’s actually mediating between my mom and Emily THEO: Do they not get along? FREDDY: No they get along fine but it’s like. FREDDY: My mom clearly has Ideas (tm) about how the wedding should be and em clearly wants something completely diferent and it is just constant FREDDY: Theyre killing meeeeeee THEO: That sucks. Are you at least getting your own ideas in too? FREDDY: Not really…altho tbf if i was getting my way it’d be like. Courthouse wedding. In and out. THEO: My parents got married at city hall FREDDY: Dreams really do come true THEO: They sure do THEO: Okay this is going to sound weird but...I felt like the wedding plans didn’t really seem like you THEO: if that makes sense? THEO: Like I get that you're a prince but a huge formal wedding isn't your vibe at alllll FREDDY: You know me…my kind of party involves a lot more helicopters and blow THEO: LMAO I thought there was just the one helicopter FREDDY: See this is why we’re friends lol FREDDY: You keep me honest

[ soft knocking ] EMILY | Frederick? Are you okay in there? FREDERICK | [ muffled ] Be right out! EMILY | Are you alright? You were gone a while... FREDERICK | Aw, did you miss me? EMILY | Just making sure you didn't fall in.

[fleurywiththesave]

Hello! Mattdrai or Matthew/Sasha and sleep deprived please 💙

Ohhhh I love this one! You know I had to make it Mattdrai.

9. Sleep deprivation

Leon promised himself that he wasn't going to allow himself to look at any evidence of Cup celebrations. Nada, zip, zilch. No on-ice interviews, no celebratory photos, no coverage of the eventual parade. He swore, up and down, that he would have enough common sense not to torture himself.

But the thing is, as shitty as Leon feels right now...and make no mistake, he feels shitty. He and Connor cried on each other for what felt like hours, he still has no appetite, he's afraid to touch social media for fear that hearing everyone's disappointment and judgment will rip him apart all over. He is not having a good time and he would very much like never to be in this position again.

But he's still so. goddamn. proud. of Matthew. Of how hard he worked all season, of everything he does to bring his team together, of how incredibly happy he's made his family. And there's even a part of him, that he would never ever ever tell Connor about, that's even happier for Matthew than he would've been for himself. Seeing him get so close to the end last season, seeing him literally break his body doing everything he could to win and it still not being enough, hurt Leon almost as much as it hurt Matthew, and he's not sure that Matthew ever would have really recovered from suffering the same fate twice in a row.

So he lied. Sue him. He gets onto his stealth Instagram account, where he won't see any mention of his own failures, and watches from afar while Matthew and his teammates live it up at Eleven. That stupid WWE belt is going to be so gross by the end of all of this that Leon might have to burn it. Though Matthew's definitely going to want to frame it.

He's running through around the tenth cycle of wanting to smile and also kind of wanting to cry when his phone starts to vibrate and Matthew's name pops up. He accepts the call before he's had a chance to consider whether or not it's a good idea.

"Leo!" Matthew yells, as chipper as a children's TV host. Leon's amused in spite of himself.

"Are you drunk?"

"You'd think so," Matthew says agreeably, "but I mostly just haven't slept in two days."

"Yeah, I noticed," Leon answers.

"You've been watching?" Matthew's voice has gone considerably softer and he sounds genuinely surprised.

"I have," Leon tells him. Matthew sighs.

"Fuck, I miss you, baby."

"Matty—"

"I know, I know. But I already told you I'm kind of delirious and it's true, I fucking miss you, and I hate that me being so happy means that you have to be so miserable, and I just wish you were here with me, you know? And I know that's not fair, I know you should have your space and you needed to go back to Edmonton—"

"I didn't," Leon cuts in.

"You didn't what?"

"I didn't go back to Edmonton," he admits. "I'm still at the hotel in Florida."

There's a long pause.

"I can be home in half an hour," Matthew says, words tripping over each other. Leon's heart swells.

"I'll be there."

[thenightfolknetwork]

Hi.

I feel quite silly writing in but I'm not really sure who else to ask. I come from a genus with a lot of media coverage, well not really general media just media pertaining to, ah bedsport? I think because of that I never was really interested in pursuing physical relationships. Felt like it would be playing into stereotypes and all. Also, a lot of people just make things a bit gross when they realise what genus I belong to. It's all kind of tangled up in my head, how I look at me vs how others do and how that can create false expectations.

But there's a boy now, and he's sweet and lovely, never brought up any bed related topics and makes me feel genuinely seen. But as our relationship moves forward, I want to explore well, bedsports with him.

At what point and how do I bring up the ways media isn't really truthful about all the details of my genus physicality?

I'm pleased to see you were able to set aside your concerns of feeling silly long enough to write in. It takes a lot of courage to broach topics one might otherwise prefer to keep private, but bringing these matters into the light is the only way we can find a path forwards.

Unfortunately your experiences are far from unique in the creature community. There are any number of genuses which face this kind of sexual prejudice, with individuals battling every day against assumptions around what kind of sex they will enjoy, how often, and with whom.

What is worse is that these assumptions are not limited to ignorant sapios. Plenty of people in the community carry such unchecked assumptions, from imagining lycanthropes as ferocious, libidinous lovers to assuming a physical form is necessary for sexual pleasure, leaving etheric individuals out of the conversation entirely.

The first important point to keep in mind is that you are not responsible for other people's mistaken assumptions. Whether your desires map onto certain stereotypes about your genus is simply neither here nor there. You cannot be “playing into stereotypes” simply by expressing your genuine sexual desires.

You ask when to bring the topic up with your partner. I'm afraid there is no set time-frame for this kind of conversation. Instead, you must work on building confidence in the relationship so that whenever the conversation does take place, it can happen within a framework of trust.

When you feel the time is right, you need to be upfront. Let him know that you've never had sex before, but you're interested in exploring that type of physical intimacy with him.

But remember, this is a conversation, not a monologue. Your boyfriend might understand everything you tell him immediately, and feel just the same way. Or he might not.

He may not be aware of the stereotypes associated with your genus, and want to discuss them. He may have no interest in sex, or not yet feel ready to take that step with you. Or he may have anxieties of his own around sex that he hasn't shared with you until now.

You can't write your partner's side of the script. Instead, prepare to be flexible and react to your partner in a way that is safe and loving in the moment – safe and loving for both of you.

Finally, remember – there's no rush here. You can always take a break, reflect on what's been said and come back a day or two later. All that matters is that you both engage with the topic with honesty, and centre kindness and respect in the way you discuss it. Best of luck, reader.

[For more creaturely advice, check out Monstrous Agonies on your podcast platform of choice, or visit monstrousproductions.org for more info]

[talisidekick]

I need your help...

If you don't know me, hello, I'm Accalia, I go by Tali Sidekick online on Youtube, Instagram, and on the rarest of occasions Twitch. I'm a 29 year old transgender woman from Canada, who came out and began socially and medically transitioning in 2021. I stream largely on Youtube and on the rare occasion I make videos (it's been over a year since I last did that).

I could use your help affording my legal name change. I've been trying to afford it myself but I'm unable to for reasons I'll get into below. The link is in my blog description, but I'll post it here:

Recently, while walking home from work (I don't make enough to afford public transit or my own vehicle or a bicycle) I got attacked by a middle-aged man in a dimly lit residential neighbourhood. I got away, and thankfully I didn't give him enough time to do more than grab me by the arm. However, I had to file a police report, which gave me two options: use my legal name which at current is my deadname (ie. a name I no longer wish to use) which would be distressing to say the least, or submit it anonymously. I chose the latter which unfortunately does little besides let the public know that someone dangerous with a vague description is in their area. I wish I could have put my name on that report but using my legal name as it stands now is ... I can't.

To add to this, I was saving up, but unfortunately the student loans I owe decided to charge me during an appeal process (they weren't supposed to) and when the charge partially bounced they denied my appeal (which isn't supposed to happen under the contract agreement I signed) because of "outstanding payments". The appeal process also only looked at my gross income for one month, specifically the month I got paid 3 times in (it happens only once a year) and decided to combine all three payments into an equal 2 and evaluated my paycheck at around 25/hr when I only make 16/hr and has thus denied me reduced loans payment (I'm working on this but it's adding to my stress). So at current, the $300 I had extra got eaten by the National Student Loans Services Centre (NSLSC) again and from previous experience even though I should be reimbursed once this is cleared up, I won't be.

I would have also had more (remember that extra third paycheck?) but my health insurance stopped covering me because despite being signed up to a provincial pharmacy program they decided I wasn't, and forced me to buy my hormones and ADHD meds out of pocket. They only -just- reinstated coverage, but getting reimbursed will take over a month possibly 2.

As such, I have exactly $48 in savings and $7 in my basic checking account.

I want to get my name changed, I've been trying for over 2 years, and it's been impossible. Every time I have the money to spare, the NSLSC eats it and doesn't give it back, some medical thing comes up, or some unforseen cost rears its head and consumes my meager savings. The cost averages out to about $450 because it requires Finger Printing for a background check, Notary Fees, Processing Fees, and Reprinting Fees for my Birth Certificate, Drivers License, and Marriage License.

And if the $450 goal is exceeded, any excess getsput towards affording the $6000 surgery cost of getting SRS/GRS (Sex Reassignment Surgery/Gender Reassignment Surgery). I have until December next year before my government will no longer cover the cost of the surgery supposedly.

If I can get help here, I really want all my legal doccuments to read "Llorelei Accalia [Lastname]". I'm so tired of having to explain to people that I'm transgender because the name, face, and (somehow) voice don't match.

Currently at:

$50/$450

[sapphic-agent]

GOD.... I will never be over Momo's design. She comes from a wealthy background, is polite, sweet, and dresses conservatively and Horikoshi sticks her in that. In the story, the excuse is "she needs more coverage" when we always see her using her quirk via her back. Like, it's just fanservice. Momo is 15-16, Horikoshi. GROSS. Hagakure. Mirio. Enough to say on that. Also, Midnight making Mina change her hero name from Alien Queen to Pinky. Fucking. Pinky. Alien Queen suits her because I thought her quirk was like bug or alien related, so it really does suit her. And even then, her hero costume doesn't even have any pink on it. You can do so much with that theme. Even if Mina only picked it "cause it sounds cool" it actually sounds like a legit hero name over fucking... Pinky. As for Shoto, he could have like shown a development them with him. Make his costume bland, and not much. Have his hero name be Shoto. But through out him developing, have him make more his own. Like have something to help regulate his fire and ice side. Two is a big theme for him, so you can much with that. For a hero name, I think Icy-Hot can work. Even though it does come from Bakugo insulting him. But I found some that can also work. Mercurial or Ambivalent. If you look up the meanings, I think they fit Shoto quite right. Also Ochako's costume makes no sense to me. She has like anti-gravity thing to help her not wanna feel sick? Why tf does she have to train herself not to get sick? MHA is 200 years in the future, get that girl some armor to help balance her out! Or get her some hero costuming that does look like an astronaut and not some cosplay outfit. Like, these kids are gonna fight really bad guys. Why is like Iida the only one who has like a suit of armor, for situations like that? Makes no sense.

Yup, Momo's costume is just awful. In the practical sense and in the stylistic sense. And you know her flap thingy is pointless because she just ends up ripping her shirt making things out of her back anyway. Giving her a backless outfit would have made more sense.

Todoroki's should have changed as he established individuality and agency. Visual characterization could have been very useful here. Unfortunately, he never does that so Hori doesn't bother :p

I agree Alien Queen was a lot cooler. Pinky is... dumb. It's also her skin color🙃

The space suit is supposed to be a play on Uraraka's quirk, I think, but is also a tribute to Thirteen. I don't mind it, could have been better though. Something like the space suits in Voltron would have looked a lot cooler.

Iida's hero costume is one of my favorites. Knights are representative of honor and valor and that totally suits him even without the inspiration from his brother's suit

[eccentric-nucleus]

i'm gonna be talking about the weird porn game stuff i'm working on now, so you know, watch out

so as you may have gathered from my various posts, i've been working on the hell game 2 engine. currently i have events running mostly-correctly from data files, but i don't currently have state & pc data hooked up correctly so i can't actually e.g., test out various different sex scene variations based on the pc's bodytype. given one of the big failures of hell game (the first) was that i never really got complex event interactions working, i should probably think up some multi-stage demo events and get them working early on, so i don't end up repeating the same mistake

anyway as i have been putting this together i've been reflecting on the stuff i was dissatisfied with with hell game. unfortunately for me one of those things was "the sex scenes weren't as parametric as i wanted". hell game tended to break sex scenes down based on fundamental body plan (what i usually call 'bodytype' b/c that's the variable name for it in the code). that was stuff like: biped, centaur, quadruped, naga, snake, and 'other'. that's already a lot of totally-different variations but given i also let people change size there did kind of also need to be at least some size-based changes. but that's even more stuff to write for a single sex scene to have full coverage.

(this kinda thing is why i love to bring up the whole thing about nagas having a thigh gap in TiTS. they didn't want to change the scene blocking for all the doggystyle sex scenes! you can just say "between your thighs" either way!! i mean i get it, just, lol.)

but the other thing with hell game is that it was always uhhh a very early demo. it was basically a collection of contextless sex scenes with demons, and while there are worse things for a game to be, i did kinda have aspirations of, you know, plot, story, named characters that weren't just procgen demons, etc. so one of the things i've been working on currently is a ~design doc~ that covers setting & story details in a concrete enough way that i can reference off it and not end up writing myself into a corner.

and that gets us to the weird porn part of the post. i haven't fully committed to the current setting concept (scifi space station sucked through an interdimensional portal so it's now orbiting around hell, a la your dooms and hellpoints and the like; i feel like i'm maybe being a little too derivative here) so i won't go into too much detail but on the whole there is probably gonna be a more pronounced, you know, horror/grotesque influence. we'll... see how that works given that it is also a porn game

like yeah yeah plenty of porn games are kind of libidinal nightmare realms. coc had the parasitic dick worms. people love gross sex stuff. i feel like i kinda lost touch with a lot of my audience and now i spend more time around, uh, normal people who don't have deeply-rooted fixations. currently the first encounter i have outlined for this is uhhh a reanimated zombie who... lemme just paste the description in

A thing that was once a dead body, overtaken by something new. Its skin is a faded grey and its muscles are overgrown, proportions inhuman: shoulders impossibly wide, arms and legs slabs of striated muscle. It moves with an inhuman gait, as if the thing inhabiting it is still getting adjusted to human articulation.

There's a squirming thing wrapped around its head, all leathery purple-black flesh. A central mass covers the corpse's head: face smooth, back of the head a mess of overlapping tentacles. It has many long octopus-like tentacles that fan out across its shoulders and back. The tentacles trail down its body, clamped tight to the skin, before they sink into its body across its shoulders, chest, and back, squirming under the skin like gigantic veins. The skin around the punctures is painted with purple-black bruises. Glowing green ichor pulses through its body, pumped into it from its penetrating tentacles, feeding its muscles with unnatural energy. Its skin is a faded grey, streaked with ash, save for where its glowing-green blood flows, forming branching lines of bulging veins that cover its shoulders and chest.

A single loose tentacle extends from its face like an enormous proboscis, tapering in wormlike rings to a squirming tip, slavering shed ichor in gummy lines down its bare chest.

Its cock hangs heavily between its thighs, perpetually bloated and half-hard, with its glowing green ichor visibly pumping through its altered flesh. Its massive, oversized balls churn and lurch behind the fat stalk of its dick, pulsing with burgeoning larvae. Thick, translucent grey pre perpetually spills from its bloated glowing-green cocktip, painting wet smears of fluid down its monstrously-muscular legs.

it talks to you and asks if you wanna get pumped full of squirming zombie larvae so it can reproduce and reanimate more corpses. a lot of the encounter design is very much "what if you could fuck this DOOM monster"

anyway, that's like, normal. that's completely usual actually. having a cop fetish is what's weird and disturbing. okay okay that's just dumb glib moralizing i don't actually think that. but i mean, it is super weird to write stuff like that and then go back into the normal realm where people keep talking about college jocks or w/e.

but before i do much more writing i gotta hammer out the rest of the engine. next up: a lot of variable storage & thinking about how to separate npc data from the events they take part in. that's all stuff that needs to get coded regardless of which setting i go with

[husband]

Hi, im a beginner horror enjoyer and im really disturbed by a lot of gore but i wanna understand the Texas Chainsaw Massacre movies bc ive heard theyre hugely influential on the genre (rightly so too)

I figured with all this id ask the foremost texas chainsaw scholar i am aware of

Could you tell me the basics, if its gross (im really bad at tolerating gross out horror and gore played realistic), and any fun tidbits?

If not i thank you for reading and hope you have a good day ^-^

The Texas Chain Saw Massacre was hugely influential on the genre and set the standard for low budget horror and inspired future filmmakers to rely more on psychological terror over gore & violence! It was also seemingly the birth of a lot of horror tropes, like big, masked killers and using power tools for weapons.

Texas Chainsaw's story is inspired by serial killers like Ed Gein and Elmer Wayne Henley. The movie’s director, Tobe Hooper, was inspired by the graphic coverage of violence by San Antonio news outlets and based elements of the plot on murderer Ed Gein, who was a notorious serial killer who made furniture out of human body parts and created a mask made of human skin. The movie’s underlying themes are mostly the horrors of isolation, and the dangers of unchecked capitalism. The movie is also a metaphor for the Nixon-era mayhem and the government’s deceit toward the public during the 1970s. Hooper intentionally misled audiences by claiming that the movie was based on a true story to attract a wider audience.

I honestly don't know how to give you the basics aside from a plot synopsis because I would, hand to God, be sitting here for about 12 hours minimum going into every weird little detail, like the intricacies of bubba's mental issues and being forced to take on a female role for his abusive older brothers, or all the absolutely insane shit that happened during filming. And that'd just be me talking about the FIRST film.

But if you want to ask me more questions or see more Texas chainsaw related stuff you can ask/look over at my blog @chainsawhouse. I just hate to gum up my main blog with this particular interest.

Also, my fun tidbit is that they've recently confirmed that there is a new Texas Chainsaw Massacre in the works, under the title 'Texas Chainsaw Legacy'! Very fun imo.

[thatmilkshakedragon]

Gonna talk about this guy for a second because I genuinely feel like no one is talking about this/ not enough coverage about the Deku headcannons made in the bnha/mha fandom.

I'm gonna spit it out now, I think Bakudeku is the most overrated ship I have ever seen, in any fandom, period. I also think that Deku is one of the most shit on characters by a fandom that doesn't really deserve to get shit on. There is so much I can say about this, but for the purposes of you, the reader, I'll try and keep this as short as I can.

ALSO GONNA SAY THIS NOW, MY OPINION IS NOT GOSPEL. SHIP BAKUDEKU IF YOU WANT, MAKE DEKU SAD EMO BOY IF YOU WISH, THATS YOUR CHOICE. IM JUST NOT GONNA WATCH YOUR CONTENT AND IM SIMPLY SAYING THE REASONS WHY.

OFFICIAL CONTENT WARNING FROM HERE : I will be talking about alot of sensitive topics in this post but the main ones I will be covering are Underage Sex, SH, depression etc. Also there will be slight spoilers for the show ( I haven't watched it so don't expect anything massive )

So let's talk about Boku no Hero Academia/ My Hero Academia. Alot of you know about this show already, but for those who don't :

Boku No Hero Academia/ My Hero Academia is an Manga Series turned anime, originally illustrated and written by Kōhei Horikoshi. In the series, we follow a Teenager called Izuku Midoriya (Deku for short) , who is a "quirkless" boy lives in a world of "quirks" (superpowers). He still dreams of being a superhero, and he gets scouted by his hero, "All might", who bestows his powers onto him after seeing his potential, and also helps to get him into a prestigious high school for superheroes in training.

Now in this anime, there is another boy called Katsuki Bakugo, who has bullied Deku ever since he was a child. When they were in middle school, the bullying did not stop, and now in high school they continued to be rivals/ Deku being bullied by Bakugo.

Now there is absolutely nothing wrong with headcannons/au's, in fact, I think headcannons/au's are one of the building blocks of fandom. But there is a certain point in which these Au's can cross a line, and unfortunately in the Bnha/Mha fandom, that line is crossed a fair bit.

Let's start with bakudeku, the thing that sparked this whole post in the first place. At the start of this post I said it was overrated, and I stand by that. The amount of hype I see of these two getting in a relationship fills me with absolute agony. THESE TWO AREN'T COMPATIBLE IN THE SLIGHTEST. Yes, Katsuki may have character development that I have not seen, since I do not watch this show ( the reasons why can get a post on its own ), but from the clips I've seen of Katsuki, he just seems like a huge jackass towards EVERYONE. The only people he does respect are adults who can beat the shit out of him, and that's really sad. Now let's get to Izuku. I'm not very sure but personally I don't think he will be shipped with anyone, at least not for the time being. Izuku seems focused on becoming a hero at the moment in the series, so I'd highly doubt that he will be getting into a relationship.

Now lets get into another reason for why Izuku is shit upon. The amount of Batsuit insane stuff that the Bnha/Mha fandom has produced. This segment doesn't just run for deku either, this can be for arguably every character in the show (besides grape guy everyone agrees he is a dick) Fanfiction is in my opinion, the core part of a thriving fandom, alongside Fanart and Headcannons, but the amount of fanfiction that has Izuku as a cat maid for todoroki or some shit along the lines of that IS INSANE. A bunch of these characters aren't aged up either, which makes it even more fucking gross. Like youre writing 2 teenagers fucking each other in their rooms which they still have like stuff up from when they were 10 or some shit. I do know about Japan's fucked up sex culture quite a bit, and how the age of consent is lowered there, but this is still a huge problem regardless.

Let's stop with the CP, and now go onto depressed Deku. I also see in the Bnha/Mha fandom, that there is a lot of content about Deku being depressed or like not mentally ok. In alot of these headcannons, there's usually an event where a character will find Deku's arms with giant slits on them, or they will find blood on Deku's clothes, and Deku will try and deny that he is depressed, or go into a massive breakdown. These headcannons usually involve Deku going to a mental institution to seek help, and along the way fall in love with a character ( I lied there's more ship content ) . My personal opinion, these are disgusting headcannons. Yet again, this guy is still in his teens, and you're putting him into crazy scenarios not many teens have.

The last point I have to make is the plague that this character made upon fandom. From Gacha, to Ao3 to Tumblr, the shittyfied Deku has taken over fandom spaces like these. The amount of gacha content surrounding Deku (usually in a relationship with a character) is fucking insane. For every 20 videos you can find on YouTube of Bnha/Mha, at least 15 will be bakudeku. There's not much normal content anymore on the fandom, because the shitty deku has taken over, and I find that really sad.

It's a genuine shame that Deku has been tested like this, because he seems like suck a great character for this anime, but the fandom has just betrayed him. It's saddening seeing the showrunners get harassed for not shipping Deku with anyone, rather then actually critiquing things wrong with the show ( like directing, writing, comedy etc ). Idk man, this whole thing just makes me really sad.

if you do need some guidance for your mental health, you're under 18, and you live in Ireland or the UK, then call ChildLine, they are a brilliant organisation who listens and lets you vent and lets you be heard. To find out more go to www.childline.co.uk for more info.

Please for the love of God reblog this I spent over an hour on it and it's 20 past 1 in the morning kill me 🤠

[silvyysthings]

I'm the anon that asked fans to stop giving exes and Liz's current boyfriend attention on Instagram. I mistakenly wrote that Lis (the dental hygienist) was Armie gf. I know they aren't together anymore according to press reports. Who even knows if they were ever together. and someone who saw my ask decided to reblog it and go after my main point thinking I'm some fan of Lis and Armie being together.

I don't care who Armie is with. I'm not a charmie and I am in not invested in who he dates. I don't even know what Lis looks like. That's how little I care. I don't dislike her or have anything against her. I just like his movies.

But my point still stands. Everytime an Armie fan looks at these people's Instagram stories they get a dopamine boost. And I personally think the way people went after P and C and even Hoe before everything happened helped hurt Armie in the end. They even have said as much. It's great people have debunked them a lot but the damage is done.

And even if you disagree with my theory, cool. But please don't let Liz's boy toy get an ego so much he thinks he's some influencer. The only people who know him really are Armie fans. If he gets some sponsorship or free stuff because we check his stories I'm going to puke.

My main point is all the attention Liz and this boyfriend get. I sometimes see more coverage of them than even Timmy lately on his blogs here. And he's everywhere lately! No shade against any fans. But I'm tired of Liz. She's gross. And her boyfriend is irrelevant.

There is always space on my blog to share opinions even if they are different from mine.

I agree on not giving importance and therefore not even giving importance to the entourage that surrounds this person, but sometimes you really can't help it because she did such terrible things and absurd things in the past that one just can't not share or talk about this and it's definitely not to give them importance. Because I doubt she reads obviously our blogs. But sometimes it just can't be done without it.

[cookie-dog-69]

my running Bigfoot theory

for context: I've been a Bigfoot believer since I was a very young child, and I’m also a paleobiologist with an additional degree in primatology  I’ve been not sleeping well lately and don’t quite have enough caffeine in me to really make this as professional and fantastic as it could be, so just assume everything from here-on out is a rough amalgamation of my ideas, and that I frequently will use gross generalizations and the like throughout the writing of this piece.  I believe that the Bigfoots are closest related to the modern-day Pongo apes, ie Orangutans, and I believe this because of their behavior. They appear to be distinctly solitary (in contrast to all other great apes EXCEPT for Orangutans), they prefer densely forested areas (pretty common tbh), they appear to have no interest in hunting large(ish) game and/or hunting humans, though they sometimes bother us (in contrast to chimpanzees who have a habit of eating human children on occasion as well as comparatively large game), and they appear to travel rather often (in contrast to Gorillas and Chimpanzees, who appear to like to stay in specific territorial areas and just move within them, and these areas are usually smaller than those of Orangutans) But the descriptions of Bigfoot (the ones I trust, that is) don’t add up to be simply an Orangutan, not to mention their location (when I say Bigfoot, I mean the creature found in the American northwest, Appalachian mountains, and eastern American coast) Most of the sightings I've factored into this analysis, with the exception of my own encounter in the Appalachian mountains and the Skunk Apes of Florida, have the same similar characteristics: Darker fur, often dark brown or almost black, long arms, human-like proportions, tall height, very vocal. The very vocal does sound like Orangutans, but everything else doesn’t Here’s my theory: Around 11-12 million years ago, a curious little ape fellow, whose name means “woods spirit ape”, turned up in the fossil record. This little fellow, this silly boy, was named Dryopithecus. He lived in western and northwestern Europe and, for a long time, was thought to be the ancestor of apes and modern humans.  However, more recent research proves that he is just a little later than that - just after that, and is the earliest known semi-direct ancestor to the Orangutans and their cousins, such as Gigantopithecus, the often-referenced relative of the Orangutans who grew to enormous sizes (though these sizes are often exaggerated in media coverage to absurd scales).  Two possibilities come from this: one of them says that the Bigfoots are descendants of a unique, undiscovered line of Great Apes, starting with an offshoot from the line that would become Orangutans either with Dryopithecus or some other ape shortly thereafter as the starter, while the other points to another one of Dryopithecus’s relatives, Sivapithecus.  Sivapithecus showed up a few million years later, and showed a number of interesting features: a baboon-like face, an increased overall size, and a more orangutan-like design overall.  It is theorized that Sivapithecus, more so than Dryopithecus, is directly related to the following apes: Orangutans, Gigantopithecus, and other great apes I cannot recall the name of.  That 2nd option suggests that, instead of Sivapithecus splitting off into the two known species, Orangutans (still around today, though barely) and Gigantopithecus (discovered through a seldom few molar and finger bones that were saved from being used in Chinese traditional medicine, where most of the fossils had likely been destroyed), they split off into three - Orangutans, Gigantopithecus, and the Bigfoots.  There are differences to each theory, and which one I prefer changes depending on my mood and it will change even more as new evidence gets released.  It is possible that both are true in some way - the Appalachian Bigfoot (such as the one I had an encounter with, which appeared to be at least semi-arboreal, however I’ll have to dedicate a separate post to this topic) and Floridian Skunk Ape, alongside the possible Orang-Pendek, are the descendants of a 3rd line from Sivapithecus - similar to Orangutans and Gigantopithecus, but in-between the sizes of those individuals and inhabiting more southern/equatorial lands, now being found only in Indonesia and the southeastern United States. On top of this, the Northeastern and Northwestern Bigfoots, alongside the Canadian Sasquatches and the Himalayan Yeti, are descended from an ancient, previously undiscovered group of great apes descended from Dryopithecus.  Now, I know that all sounds preposterous - how could there be a whole undiscovered family/genus/etc of great apes and western science not know? let alone two??? Well remember how we only know of Gigantopithecus from some teeth and finger bones because, presumably, the others were destroyed in traditional, medicinal practices? It is almost certainly possible that other fossils were lost to this same fate - it is known that the Denisovan populations are most well documented in the human genome, especially compared to our fossil records. This is likely because of destruction in traditional medicine.  But what about the descendants of Sivapithecus and/or the American apes?? How have they not been found? As someone of Native American/Indigenous descent, I’m bittersweet in the soul to tell you that it is entirely possible that they haven’t been found only because our ancestral lands, where such sacred artifacts would have been preserved, were destroyed by the arrival of the colonists. Additionally, there are countless Indigenous legends speaking of human-like creatures off in the woods - the wendigo, skinwalkers, dogmen, they’re all interpretations of what could’ve been potentially the same creature, just put through the fantasy and cultural storytellings of the culture that interacted with it.  And listen, if one can believe that the story of the Minotaur referenced the labyrinthine halls in the Palace of Knossos, since lost to time after the end of the Minoan days, whose to say that the ancestral tales of Native American folklore didn’t and doesn’t referenced a great ape, roaming the forest lands, smart enough to know to hide from their biggest threat: us. 

[alice-steel]

I'm a disabled trans woman currently living with my underpaid and overworked partner off their income as we wait for the beurocracy to agree that I'm disabled and give me the benefits I paid in for the ~10 years I worked before accepting that I'm disabled. Our day-to-day budget, while tight, is functional. However we are so poor as to only get medical insurance through medicaid and to live in the state of Missouri which both already had an explicit exclusion of trans surgeries from Medicaid and recently passed a bill which doubles down on that exclusion and adds in an exclusion for HRT as well.

I've been in touch with a trans legal aid group who said they'd be willing to help with pursuing legal action regarding the old exclusion once I get a direct rejection of the prior authorization I've requested. However, I don't really want to go through the stress of that whole process if I can help it at this point so I'm redoubling .y efforts to get help paying for surgery out of pocket. I've already had a consultation with Dr. Loren Schechter at Rush in Chicago and have all the required medical letters so basically the only thing keeping me from getting surgery scheduled is a lack of funding.

If possible, I would also love to get together enough to just move to the Chicago area, but that's not my priority right now.

I don't currently have a confirmed price estimate for the surgery itself or really any of the related expenses but based on the information I've seen from others I'm guessing it's going to be around $10k-20k. I have no expectation of being able to raise that much from people here, or anywhere else I might share this but I hope to raise enough that I can manage to get a loan to cover the rest.

Donation channels:

Cashapp: $AliceSteelTDD

PayPal: alicesteeltdd

FBPay: message me for link

Crypto: fuck that shit

Others will be added upon request so long as the channel seems trustworthy.

I will update this post as I receive donations and/or details on the actual expected costs.

$0/$10,000

Update: I just received a good faith estimate. The estimate says it will cost $50,615 to them with half up front. Beyond that, I'll also need to cover travel and living expenses for a few months in the area for recovery and follow-up appointments, which I'm guesstimating at around $4.5k. I guess the numbers I'd heard before were after insurance coverage. I've updated the target to $55,000 accordingly. I have yet to receive any aid, so the progress remains at $0.

Update 2: So I got an insurance quote that would cover surgery and everything and if we (my partner and I) could get a loan for $18k with $400/mo payments for 5 years we would be completely set. The problem is our bank will only loan AT MOST 3 months of her gross pay, which is like 7-8k. That would cover our debts and the base premiums for the year, though. Then if I put back my plasma money for the first 2-3 months alongside the amount less than 400/mo that smaller amount's monthly payment is alongside the raise she's expecting to get in the near future (one way or another) and any overtime/extra paychecks we might be able to pull it off! I have to talk it over with my partner before I can go ahead with this gamble though. (Help from others would still definitely be useful to further increase our success odds though.) So on the assumption that we're going to get 7k out of the 18k target in loans I'm going to adjust the goal back to 10k. As we are able to put back money of our own, I'll add that to the progress section. As of now though, there have been no outside donations, and we can't put anything in ourselves, so the progress side stays at $0. (BTW: Anything I get from OF will also be counted towards this, so if you want some nudes/lewds, check that out. I posted about it on my blog the day the first daily post went up.)

[lifewithchronicpain]

LOS ANGELES — In the Burbank chapel, as attendees braced to hear the names of the dead, Pastor Ryan Chaddick welcomed the sparse crowd with familiarity.

“I’m here tonight, and we’re doing this,” said Chaddick, dressed simply in black, “because for some reason in 2023 we have to say to the world that killing disabled people is wrong.”

It seemed ridiculous, he said, to even have to announce that.

“But as long as disabled people are killed for being disabled,” he said, “I will rage against the night and we will light candles as protest and we will cuss and we will pray.”

Roughly a dozen people had trickled into the Burbank church on that frigid evening at the beginning of March to mark the Disability Day of Mourning. To hear the names of people killed by parents and other relatives or caregivers. To listen to poems, songs, and readings about the outrage of people with disabilities losing their lives to those who were supposed to safeguard them.

:readmore:

For the Lutheran pastor, like many others in the chapel, the horror of those killings hits home. He has autism, diagnosed in adulthood. He is also the father of children with autism, one of whose diagnosis set in motion his own. And his own path to understanding his daughters and himself led him to rethinking things in his life and his church.

“All of us — um, pretty sure, because I know you, or I’ve talked to you — everyone here is disabled or crazy,” Chaddick, 38, told the attendees with a slight smile and a nod before the readings began. “Welcome.”

In the United States, people with disabilities are nearly four times as likely to be a victim of a violent crime as those without disabilities, according to a Bureau of Justice Statistics analysis. And when they are victimized, people with disabilities are twice as likely as other people to suffer violence at the hands of a family member — including their parents.

More than a decade ago, Zoe Gross helped launch the annual, now-international event in reaction to the framing of news stories about one such killing. Gross, director of advocacy for the Autistic Self Advocacy Network, was appalled by news coverage after the killing of 22-year-old Sunnyvale resident George Hodgins, who was shot by his mother, who then shot herself.

The tone of the stories, she said, seemed sympathetic to the perpetrator — a sympathy that she found alarmingly scant for the victim himself. One article, Gross remembered, quoted a mother saying, “Every mother I know who has a child with special needs has a moment just like that.”

It was “really normalizing this very upsetting, tragic thing that happened,” she said. “Saying that urge is in all parents with disabled children — I found so disturbing.”

Later that same month, a San Diego woman drowned her 4-year-old son with autism in a bathtub. Gross, in an essay, asked anyone who had said the murder of George Hodgins was understandable, anyone who had called it a “mercy killing,” to think about whether that San Diego mother had heard them.

During the pandemic, after his older daughter underwent an assessment and was found to have autism, Chaddick and his wife began reading books about “what it’s like to be an autistic kiddo” — and found it jarringly familiar. So was a comedy special by Hannah Gadsby, describing experiences as a child before she was later diagnosed with autism as an adult.

Researchers have found that autism tends to cluster in families, although much remains unknown about its biological underpinnings. As Chaddick came to recognize himself as having autism, the pastor decided to pursue a formal diagnosis — a step that can be difficult for adults, who sometimes struggle to find specialists willing to diagnose adults at all.

Autism — a developmental disability that can affect how people think, communicate, interact and process sensory information — defies simple generalizations. There is no one way to have autism, but for Chaddick, it means he struggles to parse exactly what people mean when they say they are fine, he said.

He wears ear buds to the grocery store to cut down on the overwhelming noise. About once a month, he has to go to the post office to collect the mail that accumulated, he said, because he forgot or neglected to go down to the mailbox.

But as a kid, “I wasn’t collecting trains and putting them all in a line, so it didn’t compute,” he said.

The process of getting his diagnosis forced him to talk about the most painful and alienating moments of his life, he said. Chaddick remembers at one point saying to his doctor, “I feel like I’m trying to prove to you how disabled I am.”

“He was like, ‘Well, let me assure you, you are definitely autistic.'”

One of the gifts of being having autism, Chaddick said, is “sometimes I don’t know how to not say the thing.”

“Not having the filter that other people do,” he said. “Sitting in spaces with people that are uncomfortable.”

That includes the heaviness of Disability Day of Mourning. “It’s a hard thing to invite people to, because there’s a lot in American consciousness that says, ‘Whistle by the graveyard,'” he said. “We’re intentionally trying to say, ‘Please don’t whistle. Please just stay here.'”

“Unless we can confront ableism,” he said, “it’s going to continue to hurt everyone.”

Inside the Burbank sanctuary, the names were read out on a recording. The faces of each of the dead appeared briefly on the screens flanking the chapel as their names were heard.

A toddler sticking out their tongue. A white-haired nonagenarian, her surgical mask pulled down to show a smile. A young woman who seemed to be posing for a selfie.

For some there was only a white rectangle, labeled “Photo Unavailable.” For others, a photo of a tombstone.

Ten minutes passed as the names were read — and those were only the ones added most recently to the list. There were too many names and too many nameless, the grim outlines of their stories drawn from news reports about people killed by family and caregivers around the world. Gross said the list, which is maintained online, is updated by a volunteer who checks news alerts.

Some articles say “the victim’s initials were this, or this was a girl of this age — that’s all we have to go on,” Gross said.

In the chapel, they were nonetheless recognized:

“Name unknown, age 5 months.”

“Name unknown, age 72.”

“Name unknown, age 6.”

Chaddick stepped forward again and invited the crowd, “as you’re able, if you’re able,” to come forward and light candles and plant them in containers filled with sand.

“None of those were mercy killings,” he said, before words seemed to fail him. “I have nothing else.”

As a singer strummed a guitar and sang “Sunday Bloody Sunday,” people began to trickle up to the front of the chapel. One by one, they lit candles and rooted them in the sand, building a tiny congregation of flames. A father walked up with his young son to light candles, then returned to the pew where they had been sitting, his arm draped around his child.

The screens that had borne the names and faces of the dead now lit up to show a person in a knit cap sitting in a car in Minnesota, reading out the words, “I am not a burden.”

“You were 9 years old. You had a life ahead of you. And then you didn’t. You were a person. Not a burden,” Emily Stoll, the former youth director at the church, read from the screens. “You were 24, or 10, or 15, or 40. All of you had lives ahead of you. And all of you were people, not burdens.”

Parenting is hard, Chaddick said, especially during a global pandemic. And like any parent, he has had challenges and frustrations along the way as the father of two girls, ages 4 and 6.

Figuring out how to teach tooth brushing was “a huge struggle” before they found a smartphone game that helped. Chaddick had to let go of wanting everyone to eat dinner together at a table, which often “doesn’t work for my family” because of their different needs, both sensory and dietary.

“But we watch shows while eating dinner together. And we laugh together. And we make messes together,” he said. “I don’t experience any of that as tragedy.”

The father who had attended the vigil with his young son was Konstantine Anthony, the mayor of Burbank. Anthony, who has autism, said he had been attending Disability Day of Mourning events for years, and “unfortunately, every year since the vigil began, names have been added to the list.”

“It’s just absolutely devastating to know that there are still people in this world that consider disabled individuals as disposable,” he said.

Outside the church after the vigil, Chaddick greeted the mayor and thanked him and his son for attending. Anthony, looking toward his son fidgeting in the cold, told the pastor, “He said the event was sad, but the church was boring.”

They laughed together.

Gross said the annual vigils have multiplied and become more accepted among a broader range of disability groups over time. At first, she said, it was seen by some as a controversial event, one biased against parents.

“Which I always found a bit confusing,” she said, “because I don’t take these parents that murdered their children, as representative of all parents with disabled children.”

The pandemic has also underscored the ways in which people with disabilities are devalued, she said. Disability rights groups were outraged last year when the head of the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention said it was “encouraging news” that the majority of COVID-19 deaths among vaccinated people were occurring among people with four or more comorbidities — those who were “unwell to begin with.” The CDC director later apologized, but Gross said the incident underscored a set of beliefs that “really has permeated all levels of society.”

“A lot of what we’re doing with Day of Mourning is trying to push back against an attitude that people have unconsciously,” she said, which makes it harder to fight.

As Chaddick came to understand his daughters and himself having autism, he also became more invested in the cause of disability justice. “Right now, in the church here it’s Lent,” he said, the period when Christians reflect and prepare for Easter. “The last couple of years have been like a Lent for me.”

He has rethought the wording of worship songs that use disability as a metaphor for sin, he said — even the famous line, “Was blind but now I see.” His church limits the volume of its music so that the chapel is not overstimulating for people sensitive to noise. A church reading group is now digesting “My Body is Not a Prayer Request,” a book about ableism in churches.

His Burbank church makes closed captioning available for services offered online, he said. He has gotten fidget spinners for children and adults who find them helpful, and his church is working on a grant application for an American Sign Language interpreter and to put together bags loaded with more accessibility tools for anyone who comes to worship.

“I’m now more aware,” he said. “It’s painful to see that I did not perceive these things before. But once you have, you can’t stop.”