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silverwhittlingknife · 5 months

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How would you describe Tim's people skills? Especially when you compare them to Dick's?

Hi anon, this was a fun ask!! I picked out a few panels for each of them (comforting friends, a bit out of sync with friends, fighting with friends, and offering practical support to friends) just to get a quick look at their people skills in action, and then I rambled on about my thoughts on their strengths and their weaknesses.

(Caveat: I'm going to try to focus on my ideas about differences between the two of them, since we're comparing, but I do think they're socially more similar than not, so you might also want to check out @bitimdrake's post on Dick and Tim's similarities for the big picture!)

Short version: I think they've both got good people skills. Dick's are a bit better and more natural, whereas Tim's are more practiced and learned (in ways that sometimes show).

Let's start with Dick first, and then I'll get back to Tim.

Dick

Comforting friends in Titans Secret Files:

Dick: Will you go back in there and sit down? This is my house. You don't need to clean up after me! Donna: I know, I just... I just ... Dick: Hey, hey... what's the matter? Donna: Nothing. It's nothing. Dick (reaching out to supportively grip her shoulders): Donna, this is me here, remember?

A bit out of sync with friends (but still getting along well) in Titans 3:

Dick: The movie runs 98 minutes. So if we fast-forward past the coming attractions and watch only half the credits, I can still make it back to Blüdhaven in time to - Roy: Nightwing, chill. Team morale demands that you relax and enjoy yourself.

Fighting with friends in Titans 13:

Dick: We haven't used it much, Changeling. But that's gonna be different. Starting right now. Our performance against Tartarus and the HIVE was unacceptable. Each and every one of you should thank God you weren't killed. Kory: How dare you? How can you just stand there talking to us like we're a military detachment -

Giving support to relative strangers in Nightwing 87:

Neighbor 1: Oh, he - he's a true gentleman, you know? Always holds the door, or helps me up the stairs with my groceries if we both come in at the same time... Neighbor 2: ...used his motorcycle to jumpstart my car one morning and even got my brother-in-law a job with Wayne Enterprises when he got laid off... Neighbor 3: ...and he's very, very, very nice and doesn't talk down to me. Plus he lets me use his basketball.

Offering practical support (making dinner) in Prodigal:

Tim: I can't believe you can actually cook... Dick: I like to eat. Tim: So does Bruce - but he had to order Chinese last night. Dick: That's where I'm one up on him - I've lived on my own without an Alfred. Still miss him, though... He was good for a lot more than cooking and cleaning. Tim: Yeah. But at least we don't have to miss him on empty stomachs.

Strengths:

I think Dick's people skills are pretty simple: he has them! He's good at people! And I tend to think of Dick's people skills as so automatic they're mostly instinctive. It's not something he really has to think about because it's so ingrained in him. A combination of natural talent plus a childhood spent around sociable performers means Dick's just really highly attuned to the people around him.

And I don't think he's particularly obvious about it. So e.g. you could be having a conversation with Dick where he didn't seem like he was paying close attention, but if there was An Important Moment where you got anxious for a moment or let something important slip or let a bit of anger show through etc. - Dick will have picked up on it, even if it's unconsciously, and it'll stick with him and come back to him later.

And just generally - I think Dick has good instincts for who he can trust and who he shouldn't trust; when he's treading on conversational landmines he'll often pick up the unease even if he doesn't have the context to know why there's a problem; if he's trying to comfort and trusts his instincts he'll often do the right thing even if he can't justify in words why he felt like that was the right thing to do.

So I think for Dick, there's always the level of conscious awareness - the things he's aware he knows, if you will - and the level of unconscious awareness - things he senses, but maybe can't explain, or maybe doesn't want to know so he's suppressing the thoughts.

So he's good at leading, and he's good at comforting, and he's good at listening, and he's good at figuring out the right thing to say...

Like, he's good at all of it, so it's actually sort of difficult to elaborate because there's just not that much nuance? Given any particular interpersonal situation, Dick has an excellent chance of getting a quick read on some random guy he's just met and then getting the reaction he wants pretty fast, whether it's intimidating the guy or comforting him or getting him to cooperate or taunting him until he loses his temper, etc etc etc.

Obviously Dick's not a mind reader, and he can get things wrong, especially when he's in the throes of one of his own personal crises, but generally I think Dick's very very sure-footed with people, even with strangers.

Weaknesses:

This isn't a weakness precisely because Dick's usually doing it on purpose, but he'll sometimes have fights with his friends because they think he's acting overly professional/detached and he thinks they're not being professional enough. So e.g. in Titans 13, you can see Dick's set up the room almost like he's leading a business meeting, and he's the boss lecturing them, and they're reacting by getting mad at him. Part of this is basically a Traditional Bat Problem - Tim's friends also balk because they feel like Tim's keeping them at a distance - but Dick tends to lean especially hard on "I'm The Leader Here So Shut Up And Do What I Say" professionalism / distancing.

When things are going well, Dick's friends may grumble at his intense professionalism but basically appreciate it (this is basically how things go in their reunion in TT vol 2); when things are not going well, though, it becomes a point of tension. Generally, Dick gets extra-professional as a coping mechanism when under stress, as here in TT vol 2 12:

To the extent that Dick falters with social skills, it tends to be almost exclusively with people he knows well, not with strangers. Dick sometimes struggles with maintaining relationships, largely because he's often juggling multiple responsibilities; he'll sometimes get hyperfixated on something and deprioritize his more stable relationships (so e.g. when he gets fixated on trying to fix Blüdhaven and gets distracted from his relationship with Babs).

Somewhat relatedly, if things start going wrong in his own life, he tends to self-isolate out of shame and avoid everyone he thinks of as more put-together. So, for example, in the aftermath of Blockbuster, he's a self-destructive mess who's trying to dodge and/or drive away Clark and Roy and Tim (all people who care about him and would want to help), but Sophia Tevis and Rose are two messed-up young strangers in trouble and their obvious neediness trips his "urgency" meter, plus he may be a mess but they have no context to realize that so he doesn't feel so self-conscious, and he's able to be drive-by super-helpful to them and then dive right back into privately self-destructing.

Also not a weakness per se, but he tends to be a bit of an introvert in general - he and Wally are close, but they go long stretches of time without catching up; when he's spending time with friends, usually it's Donna / Wally / the Titans / Tim visiting Dick rather than the other way around; he's more likely to get cajoled into joining a team than the other way round - Wally talks him into rejoining the Titans and Roy talks him into joining the Outsiders. He likes people and likes spending time with friends, but he's usually not the one initiating a social gathering. He's self-aware about this; in Titans 9, he muses, "It's not the newness that's the problem. The problem is the old stuff. The ruts. You know someone long enough - well enough - and you fall into a rut with them... you completely take the relationship for granted..."

Relatedly, because Dick's pretty self-contained, he has a recurring problem where loved ones interpret him as distant or detached or indifferent even when he's still passionately attached - both Kory and Babs break up with Dick in part because they feel like he's not really that committed to them (also there are mmm Problematic Plotlines involved but I'm ignoring those for the purposes of this post), and in both cases IMO they're misreading him. He's deeply upset by both breakups and responds with big declarations of feeling and, uh, proposing marriage shortly afterward. (Okay, so he's not ALWAYS sure-footed sdfdsfs)

When Dick's getting something wrong, it's usually because he's upset and overcompensating - when things with Kory and Babs are tense, he tries to fix it with Big Gestures; when Vic's mad at him about spying, he missteps with an elaborate secret plan culminating in a big dramatic offering of a new body which Vic does want... but he's still understandably miffed at Dick for making a bunch of decisions behind his back instead of talking to him. Dick guesses right about something Vic will want, but because Dick when he's feeling guilty tends to slide into I-Am-The-Leader, I-Must-Fix-Everything-By-Myself, I-Am-Responsible-For-Everything mode, he forgets that the whole original problem is connected to not respecting Vic's autonomy / right to make decisions for himself, and that a better gesture would be asking Vic what he wants instead of once again making decisions on his behalf without consulting him. (I'm sympathetic to Dick's spying-on-Vic plan on account of how Vic did turn into an evil moon for a bit - comics are bonkers, you guys sdfdsfs - but I'm also very sympathetic to Vic feeling that he deserved fuller disclosure here.)

And you can see similar patterns in lower-key conflicts too: every time Dick gets accused of being just like Batman, it's usually because he's coming off as harsh or detached or uncaring (sometimes on purpose because he's pushing people away; sometimes just because Dick handles grief and fear by shutting down; sometimes because his the-buck-stops-here leadership style can come off as overly-detached), even though Dick actually cares SO SO MUCH, all the time, about everyone he knows.

But honestly... these weaknesses exist, but they're minor in comparison to his strengths?? Dick's a guy with a lot of very strong friendships for a reason. He's true as steel and once he cares about you, he cares about you forever. <3

OKAY! So that's Dick. Let's finally move on to...

Tim

Comforting friends in Joker's Last Laugh 3:

Tim: Babs? Is everything okay? (hugs her)

A bit out-of-sync with friends (but still getting along well) in Young Justice 7:

Cassie: A campout isn't a campout without a real fire. It's no fun at all. Tim: But the generator is far more efficient, Cassie. It's non-polluting, it poses no threat of forest fire, and it's... it's ... (taking in everybody else's expressions, sighing, reversing course) It's no fun at all. Impulse, can you...?

Fighting with friends in Adventure Comics 3 (stonewalling, avoidance, and lying!)

Conner: You weren't picking up. Tim: I didn't know it was you. Conner: I turned off my caller ID blocking. Tim: I was busy. I am busy. Conner: Too busy to talk to your best friend? Tim: Yes. No.

Giving emotional support to relative strangers in Robin 98 / 100 / 156:

Wesley: I just wanted to thank you. They tell us at the meetings that it's important to let people know how you feel. You did a lot for me - making me sober up. If you hadn't taken the time to notice - (Later) Tim: You're gonna stay strong, right? (Wesley: Right.) Tim: You're gonna stay sober, okay? (Wesley: Okay.) Tim: You're gonna do it 'cause - Wesley: 'Cause if I don't you'll come back and kick my butt all over campus. Tim: Uh huh.

(The redhaired guy was about to jump. Tim convinces him to sit down and talk first.) Tim: So, you're in college? Guy: Yeah, I'm a freshman. How'd you know? Tim: Just a hunch. I'm guessing you don't like it much. Guy: I always hated high school. Always felt like I was outside looking in, never part of any group or anything. I was on the diving team but even then I didn't feel like part of it. The only good thing was that was where I met Lori, my girlfriend.

Offering practical support (medical care and tea) in Batgirl 59:

Tim (treating her injury as she shares her traumatic past): Whoa. That's ... horrible. Cass: That's nothing. Stephanie and I used to laugh about - oh... uh... never mind. Wait, Tim. I... I'm so ... stupid, I don't - Tim: You're not stupid. Want some tea? Cass: I ... uh... yeah. Thank you.

Strengths:

Tim! I think Tim's also pretty decent at people - not as good as Dick, but hardly anyone is?

I tend to think of Dick as instinctively good at people, and Tim as more consciously good at people.

Tim spends a lot of time being intentionally watchful: observing, spying, psychoanalyzing people, paying careful attention to what they say, thinking about what makes them tick. (And Tim psychoanalyzes himself, too. Tim is studiously engaged in the study of Tim, and of Tim's friends, and of Tim's family. He's often playing a role, even when that role is "Tim Drake.")

So e.g. in Red Robin, at one point Tim has an elaborate domino-falling database where he's compiled a list of villains he wants to fight and how he wants to fight them, all leading up to a very careful takedown plan for Boomerang where he's thought through and anticipated Boomerang's every move ahead of time... and he's basically right! He gets it all right!

And this kind of intensely-studied logical chess-game of "he will do this for this reason, and then this for that reason, and the other people will respond in this way, like a series of dominos, and I've thought through all the possibilities" is Very Tim to me, and I feel like... this is just the sort of thing that Dick would never ever do?

And mostly Dick wouldn't do it because he wouldn't have to. When Dick's skeptical of James Gordon Jr., he goes to talk to the guy and feel him out, and he ethically feels obliged to give him the benefit of the doubt because there's no evidence against him, but he's got a bad feeling and doesn't trust him and secretly slaps a tracer on him because he's got an instinct he'll want it, and he's right: James Jr. is up to something, and that tracer is exactly the thing that Dick needs.

And similarly if Dick wanted to goad James Jr. into doing something, I think he'd go off and meet him and goad him into doing it, and he'd have an instinct for what to say to make that happen - I think the whole elaborate domino plan that Tim comes up with for Boomerang would feel unnecessarily complex to Dick. Not that Dick doesn't make complicated plans, because he absolutely does, but Dick doesn't usually overthink people.

Similarly, if Dick had been the little kid in Lonely Place of Dying, he'd have gotten worried and gone straight to Bruce and talked to him, not gotten worried and taken photos of Bruce from a distance and then come up with an elaborately overthought plan to go to New York and track down his estranged son and fix him that way. And, like. Kid!Tim's not entirely wrong! He's correctly picked up on a very real and very strong connection between Bruce and Dick even though he doesn't know either of them! And given how little actual information Tim has, this is actually an impressive plan (it's a bad plan, because Tim doesn't know about their fights, but it's an impressively solid plan given that his entire information basis is "watched them from a distance and collected news reports"). But this isn't how Dick thinks about people.

Backing up to a more general point: Tim values people skills really really really highly. I think "uses interpersonal skills to help and comfort other people" is one of Tim's highest values and arguably the highest value - he imprinted on Dick because he was kind, and then imprinted on Batman because he was comforting Dick. And he has six million After-School-Special-style plotlines where he tries to comfort / advise / rescue / etc. people in various stages of emotional distress and who are using bad coping mechanisms. His very first outing as Robin involves talking down a semi-suicidal shooter; the big finale of YJ has Tim talking Secret down from her rampage; he's very gentle when he's comforting his girlfriend after she confides in him about a maybe-attempted-rape; he talks down a suicidal college student in Robin; plus there's the entire concept of "Batman needs Robin" in the first place; not to mention his obsession with the importance of friends; and so forth.

So it's something that he's good at because it's something he values and works at. His people skills are conscious and learned. He does a fair bit of amateur psychoanalysis of other people's problems, and he's generally good at identifying the problems, even if he's not always great at fixing them. And he's often playing a role, or imitating other people, rather than being himself; he invests a lot of time constructing alternate identities; he's often more comfortable wearing a mask. (It is just so typical of Tim that his civilian friendship group is the DCU version of D&D players.)

So his practiced-people-skills work decently well, because he's diligent and he cares a lot, and he's better at people when he's older than when he's younger. And he's extremely good at things he's had a lot of practice with, like meeting new schoolmates, or making small talk, and he's friendly and he likes people, and he's good at learning scripts and following them, and he only tends to misstep when he's distracted or unusually anxious or when he's in a situation where normal social norms don't help. (Of course, since he's a vigilante and not an ordinary person, distracted / unusually anxious / weird situation are all things that happen more often than you might think!)

I also think Tim has a few caretaker instincts that have become automatic - generally he's hyperaware of when people are upset and usually tries to reach out or fix it, and even when he's trying to keep himself at a distance he'll slide into caretaking sometimes - so e.g. there's that moment in Batgirl with Cass when Tim's kinda upset with her for siding with Batman (and distancing himself from other people in general), so he's not intending to get close to her, but also what we see him doing is treating her wounds and then getting her tea. And meanwhile Cass actually wants to reach out, and she's intensely observing him and worrying and wanting to help, but what she actually does is... drink the tea. That Tim got her. While she stays firmly on her side of the couch.

(I tend to think of Cass as slightly similar to Tim but at the very very very beginning of her learn-to-people journey here? Like Tim, she cares!! A lot!! And she's successfully understood that Tim's upset, and she knows when she's put her foot in her mouth. But she's not sure what to do yet.)

Weaknesses:

Tactless! This is a tricky word because I think people sometimes hear 'tactless' and misunderstand it as 'generically rude,' but that's not quite the issue - Tim's quite polite most of the time; his problem is that his default mental monologue is very detached / psychoanalyzing / analytical, including about himself and things he's emotional about. He'll often be analyzing his own emotions even in the process of having them (I also talk about this a little here, though it's mostly a post about Dick and anger), and Tim's also constantly analyzing other people.

This means that if he doesn't edit his brain-to-mouth filter, he can come off as too detached or professional or calculating.

This is obviously similar to Dick's problem of coming off as too detached / professional - again, they're both Bats - but it's not quite the same thing, and I think this distinction is most obvious if you look at the places where they're doing it on purpose and picking fights:

Dick's most likely to pick fights by pulling rank: "I'm the boss, you all fucked up this mission and you better not do it again, shape up or shut up." This is a kind of distancing that's about Dick-the-impassive-boss and you-the-subordinate.

By contrast, Tim's more likely to pick fights via hostile psychoanalysis: "I notice you're being snide about Cass again, but we both know you're actually just mad that Bruce cares about her more than he cares about you." When he's miffed, both his inner monologue and the things he says tend toward 'uncharitable analysis of your emotional weaknesses,' and this is something he periodically directs at Bruce / Jason / Damian. This is a kind of distancing that's about Tim-the-hostile-analyst and you-the-unfortunate-target-of-analysis.

(Caveats: I don't think Tim's above trying to pull rank if he can, but he rarely has the opportunity; Dick's not above jabs at other people's weaknesses when he's very defensive and feeling attacked - junkie, elevator - but IMO he's more likely to pull rank, whereas Tim's jabs are more likely to be wrapped up in insulting psychoanalysis, so e.g. Jason's insecurity is his problem. The Jan Brady of the Batfamily.)

You can see related similar-sounding-but-different issues if you look at some of their respective breakups. So e.g. Dick has a breakup with Babs in which she thinks he doesn't care about her, and Tim has a breakup with Cassie in which she thinks he doesn't care about her. And these breakups are different for six million reasons (among other things, Dick and Babs have a pretty intense romance, whereas, uh, Tim and Cassie have had one date and IMO she's very right that they're better off as friends).

But you also get some useful character notes:

Babs is wrongly anxious that Dick's mostly in love with nostalgia for their past rather than the person she is now (he 100% does love the person she is now!) and she's being unfairly bitchy about Catalina, but she's also correctly noted that he's gotten into the habit of deprioritizing their relationship in favor of vigilante busywork & that he's been a bit pushy in swooping in protectively rather than letting her fight her own battles, so when she's accusing him of being a control freak it's not completely coming from thin air; Dick responds by getting hurt, upset, and direct (he gets furious and punches something, but then makes a big sweet sincere emotional speech to her about how much he cares and values her, albeit one that's so caught up in his own emotions like wanting to "protect" her that he's not slowing down enough to take in her insecurities).

Cassie has correctly realized that dating Tim is a bad coping mechanism and she really needs to just deal with her grief over Conner; when she starts crying, at first Tim moves to comfort her, but when she actually clarifies the breakup, an upset Tim responds by aggressively de-emotionalizing the conversation and pretending he's being totally logical and not emotional about it - he first wonders aloud if he's a bad detective for not seeing it coming and then attempts a bonkers guilt-trip suggestion that it's their duty to date in order to uhhh avoid turning evil in the bad future (sdfsfdsfdsfds sure tim nice try)

This isn't because Tim literally doesn't have feelings, because of course he does! But often, the more upset he is, the worse he gets at clearly expressing those feelings, and the more he intellectualizes them or avoids discussing them.

(Caveat: The trouble with any distinction is that it's easy to exaggerate it in ways that are oversimplified, and I want to emphasize that this doesn't reduce to "Dick always expresses emotions, Tim is never emotional," or anything like that. Dick has a bunch of complicated feelings about the intensity of his emotions because he values control and detachment and often is trying to be more detached (I talk more about this in the context of anger here and here); Tim often retreats to faux-analytical detachment when he's actually very emotional; and these are tendencies rather than one-note 24/7 truths - Dick is completely capable of intellectualizing away his emotions; Tim is completely capable of just getting straightforwardly and directly upset. But if you're looking for broad distinctions, I think it's fair to say that Dick's usually better at directly using his words and expressing his emotions, even if he sometimes feels self-conscious shame about it later, whereas Tim tends to self-sabotage and deflect and hide by producing intellectualized faux-logic instead of just being direct about what he wants or what he's feeling.)

An unrelated issue is that Tim also tends to get intrusive when he's anxious, and it gets worse the more he cares about you. Tim really really really wants to know what's going on and has an intense Need To Help, which generally works out for him - this is the entire reason he pushes his way into the Batfamily! - but it's easy to imagine Tim running into people who might not appreciate his busybody sneakiness; so e.g. secretly stalking your friend because he has a bruise, or running your friend's DNA, etc., is... stuff that all comes from how much Tim cares, but also it involves a very fuzzy relationship with other people's privacy, so Tim's friendships that stick around tend to be with people who find this kind of intense observation to be caring rather than pushy. Relatedly, Tim's version of "be protective" can overlap with "be condescending," which means he tends to get along best with confident people like Bruce, who could punt him into a wall and who thus finds Tim's 'disapproving medic' shtick endearing instead of insulting.

Tim also struggles to connect to people for whom he doesn't have an obvious "script" or who don't respond to his usual scripts. So e.g. offering Gar a "you don't like me but let's be friends" handshake worked; offering Cass a "let's be friends" handshake worked; offering the same thing to Damian did not go over so well; and I think this kind of "it usually works so this is my habit now?" thing is very Tim, and I don't think it's the sort of mistake that Dick would make.

More broadly, because Tim's people skills are conscious and learned - the effort sometimes shows! He stares at people. He secretly spies on them. He pokes around in their secrets. Dick can be paying close attention to you and seem like he's not, so that his awareness seems effortless and less intrusive. I think Tim's awareness tends to be a bit more effortful.

That said, though, I don't think that Tim's intensely-observing-you shtick is necessarily obvious except to people who are fairly socially-skilled themselves. When I write fanfic, I generally write from Dick's POV, and I tend to write Dick being hyperaware of when, say, Tim's observing him, or trying to figure out what's going on with him. But I think of that as more "Dick's good at reading Tim and really aware of being watched, so every attempt at subtlety stands out in neon lighting," and I think to someone who's less good at reading people than Dick is, Tim is a lot subtler.

And I think for e.g. someone like Cass, who really struggles with people skills, Tim seems impossibly and naturally good at interactions in the same way that to Tim, Dick seems incredibly good at it.

#ask tag #dick grayson #tim drake #hi anon this is SO OLD i'm so sorry sdfdsfds #i am very slow & this is very long because i kept adding things to it but this was a very fun ask thank you <3

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kaliforniahigh · 2 months

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https://www.tumblr.com/kaliforniahigh/756103606724378624/nsfw-under-the-cut-read-at-your-own-risk-so-i?source=share

What a tease 🥵

I'm gonna need a short story about each version of Noah. Please? 🥹

We can start with type number one, shall we? Moustache!Noah and PussyMaster!Noah below!!!

Warnings: smoking pot (I know he doesn't smoke anymore), smut, they talk about sex, spit kink.

Not proofread!

He asks you to come over for the night, tells you to pack an overnight bag and that he would be picking you up in an hour. After that, he takes you to a weed dispensary so you can choose whatever you're going to be smoking for the night.

You always found these nights with Noah to be incredibly fun and insightful. You guys talked about whatever, watched some anime or a movie and ordered his preferred take out. It was always like this, you pick the weed, he picks the food.

These past couple of weeks though, you've felt a shift in your dynamic. You found yourselves talking about more personal and intimate matters. Like how you liked things and past flings and relationships. Like right now, you were sitting on his couch, passing a blunt back and forth.

"I don't think I could ever call a man daddy in bed, honestly", you said as you took a puff and passed it to him.

"I'm glad you said that, because one time a girl called me daddy and I swear my dick stopped working for a minute"

"Well, what did you do? Did you tell her? I feel like she would've noticed that you didn't like it though", you wondered, you could feel the second-hand embarrassment for this girl you didn't even know.

"No, I didn't tell her, but I could tell she noticed by the way she never texted me after that time", you covered your face and laughed at this, leaning your head on the back of the couch. "Yeah, laugh it up at my misery. You gonna tell me something like this never happened to you?"

"I mean, yeah, but I rather laugh at you than at me", he lightly slapped your arm but laughed along with you, "c'mon, you're hogging the blunt, don't be one of those people"

"I will pass it to you if you tell me one of your embarrassing stories", he looked at you with a side eye, but you relented.

"Ok, so one time there was this guy who though he was really good at, you know", you made a general motion to your crotch area, but he gave you a questioning look.

"No, I don't know, you'll have to be more specific", you groaned, suddenly feeling shy about this.

"He thought he was really good at eating pussy"

"Ooooh, I see. I like where this is going", he said with a teasing tone.

"Yeah, I bet you do. Anyway, he thought he was really good, but his tongue was just so stiff and his fingers kept missing my clit. So after ten minutes of this I had to fake an orgasm to pull him out of his misery. Thing is, the moan I let out was totally fake I felt like it was so obvious", this time was his turn to laugh, finally passing the blunt to you.

"I mean, the man coudn't make you cum, I feel like he deserved it". he said, matter-of-factly "if it was up to me, no woman would ever fake an orgasm in her life"

"Oh, ok, pussy master, don't tell me you made every woman you've ever been with cum with just your mouth and fingers", maybe it was because you always had subpar experiences with guys, but you felt like this was a far-fetched ideia. No one is ever this good at eating pussy.

He laughed at the nickname, but replied "I never had complaints, besides, I'm pretty sure I was born for this, it's pretty much a talent"

"Well, then I need to find someone with this kind of talent", he sensed the resignation on your voice, and he couldn't help the words that fell out of his mouth next.

"Well, I'm right here. Wouldn't exactly have to look", you looked at him with suspicion, but he looked at you with a stare that told you he was sure about this, you just had to tell him you want it too.

"Ok, let's say we were to do this, how would we even began?", he asked for the blunt that was on your hands and put it out on the ashtray beside him.

"You can start by getting on my lap", he followed his words with a spread of his legs, you complied and asked "what next?"

He grabbed the back of your head, pressing your foreheads together. "You're sure about this? You're not going along just because I suggested it, right?", he could tell he was sincere, and if you weren't already turned on just by sitting on his lap, this would've done the trick.

"Oh, no, I really wanna find out more about this talent of yours", as soon as you said this, his lips were on yours, it started chaste but it soon turned heated, his tongue slipping into your mouth and devouring you.

One of his hands started to make their way over your body, along the valley of your breasts, down your stomach, finally settling on the place you wanted him the most.

He started with gentle movements, circling you over your sweatpants. You separated your mouths just to let out a silent moan, your mouth forming an "O" shape. You could feel him staring at you intensely.

After a few minutes of this, you started to move your hips, urging him to pick up his pace. It was then that he grabbed you by the waist, laying you down on the couch and removing your pants and underwear in a hurry.

You didn't have to ask him to do anything, didn't have to tell him where to put his mouth or how fast or slow you wanted it. He seemed to now just how you liked it. You could hear the sounds of his mouth on you, an indicator of how wet you were.

That is why it took you by surprise when he replaced his mouth with his fingers, and from a distance, you saw a string of spit, coming out of his mouth and landing right on your pussy, you eyes locking with his, he gave a lopsided smirk, obviously knowing the affect he had on you. The sight alone made you moan out loud, your pleasure intensifying by a thousand.

He kept working his fingers, mixing his spit with your arousal. He could tell you were close as he put his mouth back on you. Not long after, you felt the dam break, pleasure and relief wasing over you as your thighs shook and you couldn't contain the sound spilling from your mouth.

He didn't stop until you physically pushed his head away, moving up your body, he grabbed your chin with one of his hands, "open your mouth, baby girl", you did as you were told, putting your tongue out to catch the string of saliva leaving his lips. You could taste him and yourself together and that turned you right back on.

"So, what is your feedback?", he asked you, already knowing your answer, by the smug look on his face.

"I'm gonna put together a pussy master certificate for you", you joked, patting him on the back. He let out an amused laugh, but laid with you on the couch, lazily stroking your hair as you caught your breath.

oof!!!! is it hot in here or is it just me???

would you guys be interested in Noah type one and two? (if you don't know I'm referring to this post)

Dividers: @cafekitsune

#i told yall i need to be put in a mental institution #noah sebastian x reader #noah sebastian smut #noah sebastian imagine #noah sebastian #noah sebastian fluff #noah sebastian fic #noah sebastian fanfiction #noah sebastian one shot #bad omens fanfiction #bad omens fic #bad omens smut #bad omens imagine #bad omens #bad omens fluff

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weebsinstash · 9 months

Text

What do you MEAN the early access episodes of hazbin hotel are pre-orders that were limited quality and are sold out now?? 😫 you can't dangle something in front of my face and then take it away and tell me I have to wait 😫

Even that Vox vs Alastor song I linked before is hard to find on YouTube! Spindlehorse (totally justifibly i mean) is being really aggressive taking down clips people are making and uploading and I'm getting CRUMBS of these episodes and my impatient ass can't take it

I know I've been, you know, thirsting for Valentino but, now that we've seen more of him.... VOX THOUGH! The charisma! The panache! The style! The BEEFING with Alastor!

It's kinda too old for me to go searching for the link (someone found it for me, mid pencil art alert lol) but now I'm thinking of that one idea I had in the past where Val and Vox meet you in a bar/club and start bonding and thinking you're actually pretty interesting and you eventually pepper in these "my boyfriend doesn't let me-" kind of statements, and they're both, jealous af, but, you know. Don't wanna rock the boat and chase you off! So they kinda just keep hearing all these details, "oh, my boyfriend doesn't like me going to these kinds of places, I have to lie to him" "oh, you know, hubby doesn't like me drinking, so I have to sneak around" "ugh, my baby never wants to have fun like this"

I just picture now it evolving into a plot where you're fucking sick of your old fashioned BORING boyfriend who won't let you break up with him, literally you tell him you're done with him and he keeps showing up saying you're together, won't let you out from under his thumb, and you finally sidle up to Vox, "listen dude, I'll be real with you: I think we can help each other out"

I just see Reader doing the most petty shit because you want this stag GONE and you're full of anger and spite. Alastor is walking down the sidewalk thinking you're like, at book club with the gals, and suddenly he walks by a TV on display and here's Vox, "- and here with us in the station today is a very special guest-" and THERE YOU ARE, getting interviewed about being the partner of the Radio Demon!

"So, toots, what's it like, shackin up with Alastor?"

"Oh, you mean what is YEARS of no sex, no TV, no video games, and no weed like? I'd kill myself but I kinda already did that!"

"What, you mean you don't like dating some limp dick old timey FUCK?"

"Not as much as I've liked hanging out with you ;)"

All the radios in town are blaring deafening ANGRY static for hours while you and Vox are getting high and eating cheeseburgers and playing Monster Hunter somewhere while Valentino thinks about "acquiring you" as a little ~companion~ for his man (and maybe himself) right here and now since you two are already so cute together ❤️ I mean, they were already gonna scoop you up anyways, so he might as well rush the process, right?

#yandere hazbin hotel #yandere x reader #vox x reader #sinprompts

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h0ney-mochi · 2 years

Note

Listen I have a idea;

sucking off xiao during the lantern rite festival somewhere behind a building where no one can see, the reader whispering some praises to him while he is biting his hand to hold back some moans, and the reader reminding him that he cannot be loud or else they will be caught

-🌺

Xiao x reader ;; readers pronouns not mentioned

SMUT/NSFW CONTENT (oral sex (m!receiving) / blowjob, praise, semi-public (?))

Summary: Spending lantern rite with Xiao as you suck him off behind some building.. Since the attention is on the lights and what not, no one knows your doings with the adeptus.

A/n: NONNIE.. *gives you a kiss* you're so good ‼️ just in time for his lovely rerun <3 Just finished this up, going to bed bahah

Minor writer, dni if uncomfortable!

"Ah— Fuck, hold on—" He hisses through his teeth, "Wait— Someone could- Fuck-!" He bites down on his hand, head falling back against the wall. You just slowly go down before dragging your tongue up his dick.

There were few lanterns going up in the sky, people busy and yet so free down below. If one could pass a few corners, they'd see a wonderful sight of the adeptus for sure. Xiao's biting at his hand, the other in a fist on the ground. Oh, and of course, you right there stuffing your mouth with his cock!

His face is flushed, he's gasping and moaning from you. Then you release him from your mouth, pumping him with your hand instead. He whines, moving his head to look at you. Oh, such an adorable expression, isn't it?

"You're so cute like this, Xiao," you say, going to press a kiss on his neck, "A sight only for me to see." He moans, bucking his hips, muttering things in his hand. "You know I can't hear you," you whisper. Xiao takes his hand away for a moment, "Hah— We could- fuck, we could get spotted..!" You chuckle, pressing another kiss on his neck, "We won't if you'll be quiet."

Your hand goes to jerk around his tip, making him moan a little higher. "Shhh, did you not hear what I said?" You whisper in his ear and his hand goes on his mouth again, "Be a good boy and don't be so loud."

Xiao whines at your words while you go back down, replacing your hand with your mouth. Your hands rest on his thighs as you look up at him through your lashes. He looks downwards and you see the blush on his face get darker. Immediately averting his eyes, Xiao's fingers dig in his cheek, trying to stay quiet.

You just continue sucking him off, swirling your tongue around him, sometimes humming around his dick. His hand on the ground goes to your hair, gripping it. You look up at him again. Xiao's eyes are shut tight, his hand is moved a little to the side.

"I'm— [name], I'm gonna— Oh fuck, please." You take more of him as you go down, making his fingers grip you harder and a loud moan to slip past. You pull away, replacing your mouth with you hand again, him whining out. "Xiao, don't be so loud," you remind, "We don't want to get caught, do we?"

Xiao immediately nods and you smile. "Good boy, be quiet and I'll let you cum, alright?" You say and go back to sucking him off. He's biting his hand once again, trying to be quiet, trying to be good. Just for you.

#☆°• ☆ ask box #☆°• ☆ anons; 🌺#☆°• ☆ anon mix #genshin impact x reader smut #genshin x reader smut #genshin smut #genshin x reader #genshin x you #xiao x you #adeptus xiao x reader #xiao x reader smut #xiao x reader #☆°• ☆ writings

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fanfic-writer-and-rambler · 1 month

Text

Inspired by Class of 09 mostly cause I feel like Jason would ride or die for Roy.

Dick Grayson: Jason, I've been wondering something, Oliver Queen seems to... Really hate you. Why?

Jason: We... We didn't have the best meet up when I became friends with Roy.

Dick sits down: All right, tell me.

Jason: Okay... It's a really funny story, you gonna laugh.

Dick, already prepared for the worse: Oh no.

Flash back (inspired by Class of 09):

Roy: You think that cop bought our story?

Jason: Yeah... Maybe. I'll be right back I have to do this.

Roy watches as Jason walks over to a tilted painting in Oliver Queen's house.

Roy: What are you doing?

Jason Todd, looking at a framed picture of a flower: I can't deal with painting being crooked.

Jason aligns the frame.

Roy laughs. He jolts when his former partner and father figure storms out of his room, Oliver Queen.

Oliver Queen: Where have you been?

Roy Harper: I don't know are you a cop now?

Jason walks over.

Jason Todd: Roy, why's this asshole yelling at you?

Oliver: And who's this?

Roy: My… new friend.

Jason: We were at the mall by the way, so you can stop grilling Roy.

Oliver: So I'm supposed to believe you and this guy were at the mall all night?

Roy: What do you mean all night? We were there for like what... two or three hours?

Jason, looking around: Yeah two and a half like the show.

Oliver: It's 1 in the morning!

Jason: Damn we hung out with that guy that long?

Oliver: What guy?

Roy, nervous: Nobody.

Oliver: What guy, Roy?

Roy: Nobody!

Oliver: Tell me!

Roy frustrated: Oh my God.

Oliver: Tell me or your friend has to go home!

Jason, amused: Cool an ultimatum.

Roy: You really want to know?

Oliver: Yes what guy was this?

Roy, angey: The crackhead in front of the mall we sold weed to!

Oliver: Where did you even get- Oh you're so stupid!

Roy: Oh so you hate homeless people too?!

Oliver: Dealing drugs in public- dealing drugs in general… it doesn’t matter if you sold them to get rid of them! How can you be so idiotic?!

Jason, irritated at the blonde rich man yelling at his friend: It was actually kind of smart.

Oliver, rude: Excuse me?

Jason: You better fix your fucking tone with me before I slash your tires!

Oliver: Who are you talking to!?

Jason: I'm talking to you, Green Arrow!

Oliver: How did you-

Roy: So funny story-

Oliver: Did you sell him crack or heroin? Did you tell him who I was for that smack, Roy!

Roy, rubbing his arm ashamed at his past: ...

Jason: Who says 'smack’, you 1950s gangster! And we sold weed to a crackhead because what would a crackhead want with weed? Cops won't expect that shit! It's genius!

Oliver: Genius, really?!

Jason: Yeah and he's been sober for a fucking year! So lay off him! We sold the weed because we had it left over from a mission! A mission you weren't on! What did you want? For us to keep it? That’s dumb! We did a business deal and got rid of evidence. You should be thankful we don’t have it!

Roy: Yeah, so... why don't you shut the fuck up?!

Oliver: What if I have you arrested? You'll be able to walk since your plan is so bulletproof!

Roy: No, wait, don’t do that!

Jason: Go the fuck ahead asshole they'll believe us because we're young and you're old and dried up.

Oliver: That's it, I don't want you hanging out with him anymore!

Jason: He can hang out with whoever the fuck he wants bitch! So why don't you go to your room, pour your little Cognac, watch M.A.S.H and shut the fuck up!

Oliver, bursting into tears: I can't believe you!

Oliver runs off.

Jason: God that felt good. Wish I could say that to my dad.

Roy: Why don't you?

Jason: He'll probably write me out of the will.

Roy: Wow, huh... I think you broke him so yeah, I get that.

Jason: I did... Awesome.

Roy: Honestly, I appreciate that, but we should leave. He's going to be sobbing for a while.

Jason: And watching M.A.S.H?

Roy: ... It's not on tonight.

End of flashback

Jason: Man that was crazy times. Guess he hasn't forgotten about it.

Jason sighs happily.

Dick: Hm... You have to realize how that wasn't okay.

Jason: Yes, but I helped Roy when he was struggling and got that Oliver prick to get off his case. I am such a good person, you know?

Dick, chuckling: I don't disagree. At least you're not the only one Oliver dislikes.

Jason: Who else does he hate?

Dick: Bruce. Long story.

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generalkenobee · 1 year

Note

Hello lovely! Two things: 1. GOOD LUCK SHIFTING I KNOW YOU CAN DO IT. 2. Might I send in a little request? If so; Obi-Wan and Reader are both Jedi masters on the council. They just so happen to be trying to meditate together when they begin reading each other's thoughts on accident... smut ensues?

Whether you do this request or not, just know I appreciate you and everything you create -🦇 anon

Your thoughts are extremely loud

Omgggg-

I have the biggest thing for mind reading-

You're literally the sweetest

Warnings: SMUT, inappropriate use of the force, language, pnv penetration, FEM! reader, let me know if I missed anything 🩷

Obi Wan sat across from you, his breathing was level, his face was relaxed, and his thoughts we concentrated. You knew this because every once in a while you would peek your eyes open and look over to him.

"(Y/N)" he said when you opened your eyes to peek at him "sorry.." you let out a sigh. meditation was your thing! You were always so content and focused however ,you'd never done it with another member of the council

"something bothering you?" Obi Wan questioned with his eyes still closed

You've learned from past experiences that it's better to be honest with your peers, that's the Jedi way "it's just that I'm having a hard time.. relaxing I guess?"

"be cautious of your thoughts (Y/N), just because I'm here doesn't mean you can't meditate" how did he know that?

"Obi Wan! What have I told you about getting in my head? I have private things in there" You opened your eyes completely and stood up. You weren't actually that upset, more scared that he would find your hidden fantasies.

"I'm gonna go train. Meditation isn't working.. maybe swinging a lightsaber around will"

---

You faced the large rock with your ignited saber in hand thinking about what you wanted to do. You went with sokan, sokan was developed by Jedi during the great sith war..it felt right.

The glow of your (L/C) saber grazed over the rock before you yelled and ran at it with full five attacking

"Y/N), I know you're having the time of your life slashing the holy hell out of that rock, and also- why a rock? You have PLENTY of sparring partners in there"

You rolled your eyes "I need to be alone" and you did. You needed to think about all of your emotions, because you didn't want to love obi wan, you just wanted to make a legacy, a change, help people. Falling in love wasn't helpful for a jedi.

"you know talking about things like this can help"

"you don't know what's wrong so how could you help, you don't know what I think about"

"actually I do" obi wan walked over to you and you pressed the small red button on your saber to retract the blade.

"what are you talking about?"

"oh maker I want to get dicked down by him so bad right now, like for real-"

Obi Wan had said to you exactly what you thought while meditating earlier "Obi Wan.."

"I would let him do anything to me" he looked down to you and smirked "your thoughts are extremely loud"

---

The big chrome door slid shut while Obi Wan pushed you down to his bed. Your hands immediately flew up to your robes sliding them off while he did the same

"Obi Wan please.." that was all he needed to use the force. He slightly drew a long stripe from where his cock was slamming into you up to your sensitive clit

"let me in honey" and you did. Whenever a force user has sex it's amazing..you felt like Obi Wan was a part of you and you felt as you were a part of him. "Shit, s'so tight..I'm gonna" you looked up at Obi Wan with pleading eyes "m-me too..."

I KNOW THE SMUT WAS SHIRT BUT I HAVEN'T WRITTEN AN ACTUAL STORY IN A WHILE😭

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milkypompon · 4 months

Text

pairing: Nathan Bateman x F!Reader

summary: Did you wake up in your boss' bed after a night together? Oops...

content: Fluff, morning after, talks of sex, sprinkles of smut

wc: 642

a/n: I am balls deep into Nathan Bateman... I'm rewatching Ex Machina and couldn't help but write for this pathetically genius man.

Main Masterlist

–

The bed underneath you was plush… too soft even.

You roll around in the sheets and still haven’t fallen off the single-sized mattress.

Oh, fuck.

This was a king-sized mattress.

And it wasn’t yours for that matter.

“You going to piss on my pillows next? C’mon, finish marking your territory.” A lilt of amusement hidden behind the gruff smirk catches you off-guard.

“I already did last night.” You throw said pillows at Nathan, he sidessteps each one. “Where’d you put my phone?”

Nathan chuckles and leans against the door frame, a towel wrapped low on his waist – freshly bathed with water droplets clinging to his chest.

You knew that you’d be caught staring anyway, so you didn’t bother being discreet about it.

“Are you gonna take pictures to use as references for solo sessions?” He pushes up his glasses, making a show of it with his fingers.

You rub the sleep out of your eyes, ineffectively stopping last night’s memories from seeping in. Those deliciously thick digits that plugged his cum back into your cunt, threatening to spill out to his annoyance.

“Just give it back, Bateman. You and I got shit to do.”

Nathan pouts.

He fucking pouts.

You almost feel bad for wanting to leave but reality gave you a cold-wash of “you just slept with your boss”.

“Quit thinking so hard, you’re gonna fry your brain.” He fishes your phone from god knows where because he certainly didn’t have pockets sewn into the towel.

“Was that between your ass cheeks?”

He tosses your phone back. “A magician never reveals his secrets.”

The view is “not safe for work” to say the least.

Your bare back is pressed against the bed, your stiffening nipples exposed to the cool air. The only thing covering you up right now was the thin sheet splayed across your pussy. (Damn rich people and their attraction to minimalism).

But there was no point of decency now. He’d seen you on your knees and against the wall.

There were a few places he’s yet to take you like his annoyingly neat desk that you wanted to mess up just for the sake of musing his workspace.

He said it’d be like straight out of a badly written porno. “Hot, billionaire boss fucks ditzy, sexy assistant on his desk during work hours.”

You rolled your eyes. “You sure the title shouldn’t be ‘assistant finds out her boss is actually the owner of PornHub’? How the hell did you come up with it so fast?”

His sweatpants were past his knees but he was rudely interrupted by a call with the board before he could pull your panties off.

“Alright, sir. You’ve got a long day today.” You open up the Teams app, listing off his daily meetings.

He plucks your phone and settles your head into the crook of his neck. “I knew you’d do this, pretending like it didn’t happen.”

“I can’t believe I slept with you.”

“I know, I was there.”

You can’t help it when the corners of your lips curl at his stupid remark.

Nathan beams at drawing out a reaction. “Oh? Is that a smile I see?”

“No, you idiot.” You’re full-on grinning now, cheesing and all.

“Quit worrying about your pretty head, babe. You’re already working full-time at the facility, no one’s gonna know what you’re doing here. Besides, my dick is just a bonus.”

“Is your dick equivalent to a bar of gold? Because I’m gonna need that extra money once I get fired.”

“Now you’re just giving me ideas. Imagine that! A golden dildo molded from my cock.” He strokes his beard. “A true Midas’ touch.”

You crane over to him, nudging your nose against his. “I’d never survive a day in your mind.”

“Well, you made it through a night with me, so I think it’s fair game.”

I'd love to hear your thoughts and my inbox is always open for requests or if you want to chat!

#nathan bateman #nathan bateman smut #nathan bateman x reader #nathan bateman x you #nathan bateman fluff #ex machina x reader #ex machina fluff #ex machina smut

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kumquats-are-gay · 11 months

Text

Johnny Cage x Reader (NSFW)

18+ (MINORS DNI)

Hey, fuckers, I finally made some of the Johnny Cage x Reader content I promised. Just spent the past five hours writing this instead of doing my homework, lol. I imagined MK1 Johnny Cage for this, so it reflects his specific personality the most, but you could probably imagine a different Johnny Cage. I plan on writing for daddy/DILF MK11 Johnny Cage at some point, too.

Anyways, if you know me irl, then dear god please do not read this, and do not mention this.

...unless like, you enjoyed it and want to talk about it in a good way, ya know? Otherwise just ignore it. You can judge me silently, just please not to my face. K, thanks. Lmao.

A/N: If people enjoy this enough, then I'll take some time to make a gn!reader version of this later! Beta read by me (extremely unreliable) and pasted directly from Google Docs, so pardon any weird formatting.

Words: 2,688

Tags: female!reader, afab anatomy, smut, kind of rough smut, safe sane and consensual, fluff, full Nelson position, creampie, implied breeding kink (it's there for 0.2 seconds), sexual photography (only at the beginning portion), light overstimulation, Johnny is absolutely smitten with you, feelings, Johnny is also a total goofball, Johnny is a horndog

Please lmk if there are any tags you think I'm missing and/or should add! <3

Edit: Here's the AO3 link!

✨You're Something Else✨

He flipped over to the inner camera and curtailed his pace as he angled his phone this way and that, getting the perfect framing. Of course, he had also taken care to angle his dick just right and surprised you with one harsh thrust against your bundle of nerves. The noise you made was borderline pornographic. And, as you’d find out, so was your expression. You heard the sound of a synthetic camera shutter, and the knowledge of what that meant sent a different shudder throughout your body.

“Take a look, babe,” he breathed into your ear before bringing the screen close enough for you to get a good look. “God, we’re so hot.” You struggled to keep your head up so you could look; it repeatedly threatened to loll over as Johnny slowly swiveled his hips this way and that. He seemed to pick up on your troubles, but mercy wasn’t part of his arsenal today. “C’mon, focus, hon’,” he huffed, a tad petulant, and grabbed your chin with his free hand to at least keep you facing forward. His movements didn’t relent, however. Johnny’s chin was hooked over your shoulder so he could look at the picture some more, too. “Here, why don’t you hold it?”

You grabbed the phone and were able to gather a modicum of your wits and senses, just enough to cut through the blurry glaze over your eyes. There you were, held tightly within Johnny’s thick arms. One of his hands was squeezing your breast. A sliver of your skin could be seen gripped between a glimpse of his teeth. The flash caught the glistening sweat that covered your bodies. Oh, and your face bared one of the most fucked-out expressions you think you’ve ever seen on someone. All in all, it was an incredible picture. He had a knack for the camera, you’d give him that. Johnny couldn’t seem to agree more, too. You heard his appreciative groan as he studied the picture yet again, his cock twitching within you.

“Fuck, gonna get that one framed,” Johnny said through nearly-gritted teeth. You wondered in bewilderment just where he would put it.

He dropped the phone onto the mattress, ignoring it in favor of using both of his now-free hands to grab your waist and roll the both of you over. He pushed himself up and back against the headboard with your back still pressed against his firm chest and gripped the underneath of your plush thighs in the process. His sweaty palms slid up to the undersides of your knees, which were soon replaced as he hooked his elbows underneath them instead. In a display of strength, he effortlessly pulled your legs apart and backwards, keeping them held there. You hissed just a little at the pain; your hamstrings weren’t ready for a sudden stretch like that. But you bore through it, for you knew the outcome would most certainly be worth it.

He strained your legs just a bit more, pulling them further back in order to get your arms in his grasp, too. His wrists were pressed against the front of your shoulders, and he topped it off by threading his fingers together behind your head, clasping his hands against the base of your skull. You could feel his warm palms bearing down on the back of your neck. You obeyed and yielded to the applied pressure by allowing your head to be pushed and angled downward.

And, just like that, you were practically immobile. He had you in a body-lock impaled on his dick. In other words, you were utterly at his mercy. God, his cock was already pressing against places you didn’t think were possible to reach—you could only imagine what it would feel like once he got go- “AH!”

“Sorry about that,” Johnny laughed, sounding completely unapologetic about the sudden, sharp thrust, “looked like you were thinkin’ real hard about something.” If you had more control over your mental faculties at the moment, perhaps you would have rolled your eyes in something other than pleasure. “Probably thinking ‘bout my cock, huh?” he tacked on, as if he needed to elaborate upon the obvious implication of his previous statement. You felt a hot wave of embarrassment wash over you nonetheless. You tried to cover your face, but gave a plaintive cry when you remembered that your range of motion was extremely inhibited right now. Johnny chuckled behind you; your attempt at hiding yourself hadn’t gone unnoticed.

“Johnny,” you whined, knowing fully well what saying his name like that did to him. Right on cue, you felt his dick twitch violently against your walls, but the man held fast. The realization that you wouldn’t be let off the hook so easily caused a delicious little knot of anxiousness to form in your belly.

“Nice try, sweetheart, but I wanna hear you say it,” he huffed against your hair. In a retaliation that doubled as a last-ditch effort to break his resolve, you clenched around him. This prompted a soft grunt to fall from his lips, but nothing more happened. He remained almost statue-still.

Feeling resigned and a little humiliated, you managed to whimper, “I-I was… thinking about your- your… cock…”

Johnny hummed in approval and rewarded you with a few thrusts, albeit rather shallow ones. You nearly wailed when he stopped again just to whisper into your ear, “Good, that’s good, babe, but I want the specifics; give me the dirty details.” The hands laced behind your neck kept you from throwing your head back in frustration.

“Johnny!” you cried out with more intensity than the last time. Johnny shuddered lightly, then blew out a focusing breath. He unlocked his fingers so that he could soothingly stroke your hair.

“C’mon, babe, you know I’m not gonna judge you for what you say, and it’s not like you’re sharing your thoughts with me unsolicited; I’m literally asking to hear them,” he cooed as he continued to mollify your flustered, frayed person. “And let’s be honest: you could say pretty much anything and it would turn me on.” You laughed in the form of a sharp exhale while a tear threatened to spill down your cheek. You couldn’t believe this man- he could be totally serious one moment, then have the humor of a teenage boy the next. It nearly gave you whiplash. Through it all, though, you heard the pleading sincerity underneath. No matter what, he was always so earnest with you—heartfelt to a fault. You loved him for that, and for many other reasons that would take too long to list. He wanted you to trust him, and you did. Wholly.

You sighed, though not in exasperation, and relaxed in his grip; you would have fallen forward if it hadn’t been for strong arms holding you up. The only thing that fell back was your head which now rested on his shoulder. Always an opportunist, Johnny took this moment to suckle at your exposed neck as you gathered your words (though his consistent mouthing made that a bit difficult). “I was, um… thinking about your- your dick, and how it would… feel in this position, f-fucking me.”

Johnny outright groaned this time, no longer feeling the need to hold himself back as you finally began to confess. “Yeah?” he prompted.

“Y-yeah…” you swallowed the lump in your throat before continuing, “‘cause it feels deep- deeper than usual.” At long last, you felt him start to move, causing immediate relief to flood your system. But you weren’t done; he had been so sweet when asking you, after all. Plus, the noises he began to make served as fuel for that fire within you, scorching and tantalizing all at once. “A-and just- ngh- how far you… hah, could- could come inside me.”

“Holy shit, yes,” Johnny gasped with excitement. His pace grew even more rapid after hearing your admission. “Gonna fill you to the goddamn brim-” he was almost panting now, “-and fuck my come so deep inside of you that- ah, fuck- that, soon enough, everyone will know who you belong to.” Another deluge of molten lava surged through you, responding to the implication held in his filthy words. Yet, you were helpless in this position to do anything about it. All you really could do was allow yourself to be used as Johnny’s personal fleshlight, but you didn’t mind. He bullied himself into you relentlessly, sparing you not a single moment of his love and lust for you, and the squelching sounds that echoed throughout the room were downright obscene. “Goddamn, you’re so fucking wet,” Johnny breathed. Your thighs were sore and you knew your voice would be scratchy tomorrow with how he was making you scream to the high fuckin’ Heavens and back. Your muscles begin to repeatedly tense and relax, a sign alongside your high-pitched keening that you were quickly approaching your orgasm.

“Oh, fuck,” he hissed at the intense stimulation you were providing. His grip turned vice as any inhibitions of his that were left (read: very few) were thrown out the door along with the metaphorical key. “Fuck…fuck!” He kept your thighs and arms squeezed between his biceps and forearms, leaving you unable to do anything but take it. It seemed like Johnny wasn’t very far behind you, but you needed just a little bit more to reach your release. So, naturally, you began to beg.

“Plea- GUH- nn…ple- h-ease…! Touch- hah…need-!” you sputtered, barely able to form a single coherent word with just how ruthlessly he was jackhammering into you. Knowing you and your body well by now, Johnny was able to interpret your nearly incomprehensible request.

“Be good for me, baby,” he groaned. Johnny then released one of your arms and legs as he slid the respective hand down your torso—lightly pinching your tit on its way down—and over your sex. “Be a good girl and come for me,” he demanded before he pressed his finger against your clit and began to apply pressure in movements of tight little circles. It barely took five more seconds for you to come. You practically convulsed on his lap, your body jerking this way and that as pure ecstasy overtook every fiber of your being. Being the gentleman that he is, Johnny fucked you through it all, riding the wave of your frenzy alongside you.

Oversensitivity began to inevitably settle in, though, and Johnny was still tearing through you like a bull in a china shop. Though the mingled pain and pleasure felt amazing, you weren’t sure how much of it you could take. Just as you were about to voice this, Johnny fiercely shouted your name before you felt the unmistakable warmth of his semen saturating your insides. He held you tightly against him as he continued shooting ropes of cum into your throbbing, awaiting pussy, all of which you readily accepted as you milked his cock with unrivaled greed. The peak of his pleasure seemed to go on for a while before he eventually began to simmer down. His whole body relaxed and he repositioned his arms around your waist while he eased his grip.

It took some time for the both of you to regain your breath. Johnny’s fanned over your neck as your own grazed his collarbone. After some time you felt both of your hearts begin to settle, beating in and out of synchronicity. Johnny pressed a kiss against your temple, eliciting a contented sigh from you.

“God, you’re so hot,” Johnny proclaimed.

“I thought we were both hot?” you asked, parroting his statement from earlier.

“Well yeah, we are; I wasn’t People’s Sexiest Man Alive last year for nothing.” You actually did roll your eyes in amusement this time—would he ever stop bringing that up? “But, you? God, you’re…” he trailed off, momentarily at a loss for words (an extraordinarily scarce occurrence). Your heart skipped a beat as he struggled for what to say. “You’re just something else, you know? I don’t know how else to describe it—you’re just…amazing. Smart, funny, supportive, sexy-” he lowered his voice as he spoke the last word and drummed his fingers against your sides. You didn’t have to turn around to know he was wiggling his eyebrows like a fool. You lightly backhanded his shoulder for his antics, but he only laughed and grabbed your hand before you could pull it back and laced his fingers with yours. “Okay, no, seriously though, you always have my back no matter what I do or say, even when you know I’m wrong, as rare as that is-” This time, you used your other hand to softly smack at his chest. He laughed again, and you couldn’t help but giggle with him, especially when he did as you had expected and grabbed your other hand and also intertwined it with his own. After your snorts and snickering died down, he decided to kiss the tip of your nose.

“‘Something else’, huh?” you mirthfully repeated with a gleam in your eye. Johnny looked at you like a lovesick fool with those big, brown puppy-dog eyes.

“Something else,” he firmly restated as he held your gaze. You couldn’t help the shy, soft smile that adorned your features.

“At the risk of overinflating your ego, I have to say that I also find you to be ‘something else’,” you expressed, and then decided to elaborate,” “underneath all of that muscle, bravado, and good looks, you’re a big softy who has a heart of gold and lots of love to give, and I wouldn’t rather spend my time with anyone else.”

Johnny’s expression had morphed into a mixture of disbelief and awe by this point. He didn’t say a word—just continued looking at you like you might have hung the moon and the stars. It was a little overwhelming, though certainly not unwelcome. And then the goofiest grin you’ve ever seen on him suddenly stretched across his face, reaching from ear to ear. The look was completed with a single quirked eyebrow.

“You think I’m good looking, huh?”

“Oh, my God,” you groaned exasperatedly, but you couldn’t help the hint of amusement that seeped into your voice. “That’s it, I’m sleeping in the other room.” Though joking, you let go of his hands and made to get up, but Johnny’s reaction was instantaneous; he pulled you back against him, and only then did you realize that his penis was still inside of you as you felt it shift during the sudden movement.

“Nooo, stay here,” he whined petulantly. He reaffirmed his grasp around your waist and kept you in his lap, snugly wrapped around his cock. Your stomach fluttered a little bit at the feeling of still being full while his seed dripped down along your perineum.

You made an exaggerated sound of irritation, clearly putting on an act, and dramatically exclaimed, “Ugh, fine, I guess I can stay for a bit longer.”

“Knew you couldn’t resist my charm,” Johnny hummed into your hair, muffling his voice a bit. You just shook your head and smiled.

“You never miss an opportunity, do you?”

“Nope!”

You chuckled again before settling in against him, squirming around a bit to try and get comfortable. “You gonna pull out anytime soon, oorrr…?” you inquired.

For a brief moment, he acted like he was actually going to think about it, then quickly replied, “Nah, don’t think I will.” Though you weren’t opposed to the idea, this was certainly a new behavior from Johnny. You furrowed your brow.

“And why’s that?”

“Hmm, I said I was going to fuck my cum into you,” he recalled like he was telling you about yesterday’s weather. And just like that, the dying ember that resided in your abdomen flared back to life. You could hear him lick his lips, which was followed by a nibble at your earlobe. He purred against it, “or have you already forgotten?” You could feel him beginning to harden again inside of your abused cunt.

Oh, this was going to be a long night.

#mk1 #mortal kombat 1 #johnny cage #mk1 johnny cage #mortal kombat johnny cage #mortal kombat 1 johnny cage #johnny cage x reader #mk1 johnny cage x reader #mk1 fanfiction #johnny cage x you #johnny cage x y/n #uhhh come get y'all's JUICE

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weirdly-specific-but-ok · 7 months

Text

STAGED LIVESTREAM SUMMARY S1

BABYGIRLS, BITCHBOYS, AND BOYCOTTERS OF THE BINARY, HELLO MAGGOTS OF MINE. Can you tell it is past 5 am and I just took my sleep meds? We all know how well that goes for my post-making prowess *stares at my good omens part 1 update on Neil's blog*.

BUT that is a regret for post-sleep me to have. When the sun rises I'll go to bed, it's a fucked up sleep schedule but hey the sun and I can't be up at the same time we'd all combust from the hotness. Oh I'm going to regret this so much. But I feel like it's only in this state that I can do justice to that goddamn livestream.

STRAP IN BECAUSE THIS IS A LONG POST AND I WILL NOT CUT IT BECAUSE I WANT EVERYONE WHOSE DASH IT LANDS ON TO YEARN FOR SPIRTUAL EYE-BLEACH.

Soooooo without further ado, or should I say much ado about nothing (see I can reference Shakespeare):

The stream starts, and we are witness to David Tennant being pointy and chaotic, Michael Sheen being adorable and enraged, and Simon looking close to tears at all times, which is a fucking mood.

I am witness to a disturbing degree of thirst every time Michael turns to the side. Michael in profile, they all swoon. I am concerned.

I'm reminiscing about my lockdown memories. David looking confused in a hoodie is very fucking relatable. Once, I started sobbing because my wardrobe looked like a wardrobe. It was a time for us all.

However, everyone else is busy yelling about different showings of Hamlet, Richard the Something Number, etc etc. No one is paying attention to me and my poor poor memories.

Now, I read original Shakespeare when I was like 13, .I like him. But I do not have this level of expertise. FRIENDS, ROMANS, COUNTRYMEN, LEND ME YOUR EARS, I beg.

No one pays attention. I am sad.

I go off to sulk.

By which I mean I actually pay attention to the show. So maggots reading this and wanting an actual summary, this is the only time you're going to get it, because it was when I was watching.

Basically, Simon (I'm gonna refer to their characters as them but for the record it's scripted, I'm being so considerate to the people who're here for an actual summary) digs himself into a hole, Michael does not like him and makes that very known, David offers to get Simon out of the hole and in the process digs both of them into an even deeper hole, and Samuel L Jackson (is that his name) and Michael become unlikely allies to get revenge on David.

Rather than an apology dance, though, David has to stand in a corner. Meanwhile, Georgia and Anna are the only ones actually functioning at their lives, Michael gets blackmailed into servitude by his neighbour, and Simon holds back tears. Judi Dench is involved (that's her name right).

Now as you can see, I am paying full attention to the show until this point. At this fucking point though, I make the poor choice of opening the stream chat.

@thescholarlystrumpet's profile picture is a certain angel. Focused on... the lower half.

Everyone in the chat is talking about Aziraphale's thighs.

This derails. Everyone is now talking about Aziraphale's dick.

Strumpet insists vehemently that the thighs are the focus.

Everyone says the thighs are only there for framing purposes.

You know me, maggots. I'm drawn to chaos, shark to blood. So I end my sulk at not being the centre of attention, and delightedly hop into the chat.

Someone (@vitrilol it was you, I believe? until confirmation, I'll refer to them as Ari) says they wish someone liked their thighs.

So naturally I say I like your thighs.

Oh, swoon, the flirting, you maggots would be scandalised. I'm quite the charmer. It is delectable. We take it to the bedroom. The bedroom is the stream chat. There are gasps.

Another maggot says that this is simply mine and Ari's room, and they're just in it. So then I tell them, why simply stand and watch? They should join in.

They say they have mixed experience with threesomes. I ask who said we're capping it at three?

They are far more comfortable with the idea of an orgy. An orgy has now been initiated. Some people express concern. Others are entirely on board.

Some say they are afraid they're too old for the said orgy, they're old enough to be my aunt. I say nonsense, you wanna orgy, you orgy.

Ari takes this opportunity to wonder if I'm old enough to be their aunt. They then hasten to assure me that they like MILFs.

I find this hysterical, because I am a nineteen year old guy whom people have said gives off tiktok fuckboy energy in real life. I make that fact known. I'm glad that being a man and being 19 does not exclude me from being a MILF, however.

At this point, Ari points out that at least people find me attractive, even if it's a tiktok fuckboy way. I am unsure that being attractive is worth giving off tiktok fuckboy energy. (Thank god, this is not my only vibe. I also have unkept stinky teenage boy, witch and Jane Austen debutante princess, but weird).

Someone else says that hey, I'm closer in age to their son than them. I am about to ask whether their son is eligible and how many pounds he has a year, when they add that the son is 12. I tell them I am glad I did not ask those things. They agree.

The show is still going on. Someone is gasping on Georgia's phone, and I assume it is labour (I learned my lesson about assuming orgasms after the good omens pilot). I am correct. A maggot says that labour and orgasms do not sound the same.

I'm a clueless aspec boy. I don't know about labour or orgasms.

There is some debate then about whether screaming in pain is a difference or a possible common ground for those two things.

The orgy is expanding. Strumpet has to step in to say that while thirsting about the actors is entirely fine, please everyone refrain from sexting in the stream chat.

I feel like I should state here for the record that no one was sexting.

Well. Okay. That's a dubious stretch of the truth, but I love dubiously stretching the truth.

David abuses chairs and beds and his limbs with his posture. I relate.

The neighbour nearly dies, then does not.

The internet gives up on the stream. This is fair. Poor internet.

But while the video is lagging, someone mentions that one of their favourite fanfic authors passed away.

Comfort is offered, as is my brand of aggressively gentle love. Basically DON'T FUCKING APOLOGISE, sweetheart, your grief is valid. Strumpet says how in case she should disappear she's given a friend the authority to post her WIPs as a precautionary measure. And now people are crying.

I ask Strumpet to pause the stream. We all get really fucking emotional about the beauty of writing, of art enduring past the lives of the artists, and whether the author knew how much they were loved. This is getting really sad, but in a beautiful way.

We go back to the stream. Who knows what happens? Not me.

But what matters to me isn't what's on the stream, it's what's in the chats. The people I get to talk to. The hope that I can, at the very least, ensure that they are never, ever unheard. That they get the love they deserve.

I'm too sleepy to reread that. Meds have kicked in. Eyes shut time. If I fucked up somewhere in the post do forgive me maggots of mine, it's past 6 am which means the sun has risen and I need to go the fuck to sleep till noon is over at least.

I love you. Love love love. Send me anything you want anytime. My ask box is open. Go wild. You will not be fucking unheard. Yeah? Good. I love you, again, for good measure.

@howmanyholesinswisscheese ya proud of me, dad?

#good omens mascot #good omens #the fam #weirdly specific but ok #asmi #maggots #good omens fandom #staged #bbc staged #michael sheen #david tennant #georgia tennant #anna lundberg #staged livestream #staged summary #well more of livestream summary #and unhinged breakdown of everyone's sanity #but hey #david and michael

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mrsfrankadler · 7 months

Text

Who’s at the door?

ransom x reader [?] and jake jensen x reader

A/N: this is a little teaser for a series i MAY or MAY NOT start writing. let me know if you like it. also this was written on my phone so it could be bad 💔

Warnings: none i guess? it's only the first chapter people it's an intro, maybe Jake being sickeningly adorable 🤷🏾‍♀️

Summary: there’s a handsome stranger at the door.. are we even expecting anyone?

⋆

"Okay, so, were both just sitting on his couch and he's giving me this look right,"

"Uh-huh."

"You know, real 'fuck me eyes', right."

"Yeahh.." Jake continues listening, attentively.

"And then, when he opens his mouth to speak, i expect him to come out wit some killer line that would totally make me swoon," You continued, using your hands to paint the picture of just how high your hopes were.

"Mhm."

"And then he just comes out with, 'uhh, so are you gonna suck my dick, orr?'"

Your hands flatly drop to your sides and Jake almost jumps in shock, the utter disgust prominent on his face.

"HUH?"

"Yeah."

"WHAT?"

"YES!"

"I mean, Jay, who even says that." You sigh, giving a disappointed look. "Just so inappropriate." You added, kind of enjoying his dramatic reaction.

He just puts his head in his hands, trying to process why anyone would ever treat a woman — especially not an angel like you — like that. He just can't even comprehend it. He knows that if you ever let him get that close with you, he couldn't even dream of treating you like that.

First of all, he would start out focusing on you, not himself. Softly kissing you all over face and telling you how beautiful and precious you are to him before making his way down to your-

Ring-ring.

You abruptly rose out of your seat with a deer-in-headlights expression on your face. Jake just looked at you confused and suspicious. Who was that?

"Who's that?" He stood up with you, just watching as you practically sprinted upstairs. "Don't worry about it, JJ." He blushed at the nickname, "Just tell him to wait and I'll be right down!" You called down the stairs.

Jake didn't like this. 'Don't worry about it.' What's that supposed to mean? 'Don't worry about it.'

Fuck that, he thought, making his way to the door and peeking through the peephole. On the other side of the door, he saw a tall, seemingly quite built man sporting a brown cable knit sweater.

He looks like an asshole, Jake thought to himself.

Before Jake had the chance to walk away and start worrying about what you and this man were about to run off and do together, the man noticed there was someone on the other side of the door.

"Y/N? Y/N is that you? Come on baby, just let me in." He started knocking again. Jake shuddered at the pet name before opening the door. "It's cold out here-,"

"Oh." The man commented, bluntly looking Jake up and down before pushing past him and taking a seat at the table.

"Oh." Jake imitated, walking over to the kitchen where he had chosen to sit.

There was an awkward silence as the two men subtly sized eachother up.

"Uh, I'm Jake," he started awkwardly out his hand for him to shake before awkwardly shoving it back into his pocket when the guy just glared at it.

"Ransom."

"Oh, cool, nice to meet you." Jake was trying to be polite.

"Yeah." Ransom scoffed. He wasn't making it easy.

The awkward silence returned, while Jake started trying to think of ways to break the ice. However, his mind became occupied by other things. Like where was Ransom taking you at 5:30 in the evening? Why did you seem so nervous when he knocked on the door? Why did you tell him not to worry? Should he be worried? And why'd he call you baby?

You finally pulled him out of his stressful thoughts by announcing that you were ready to go and making your way down the stairs looking possibly the most beautiful he had ever seen you.

"Whaddaya think?" You did a little twirl as the two men in front of you stared in awe. You wore a maroon satin dress that stopped just below your knees, paired with some peep toe kitten heels that had a silver buckle.

Jake just stared at you star-struck as you slowly made your way to the table. "You look beautiful, sugar." Ransom piped up and Jake wanted to throw up in his mouth. Another pet name? "Thank you, Ransom." you cupped his face gently before turning to Jake who was sporting a rather defeated expression.

"Jayy..." You started, softly, "I'm sorry I forgot to mention that I was going out tonight, it was really short notice.. even I forgot!" You explained, earning an offended scoff from Ransom. "I'll be back before you know it, and i'll tell you every detail." You winked at him before turning back to leave with Ransom. Jake just slouched deeper into his seat at the table.

Does he really wanna know every detail?

⋆

YALL TELL ME WHAT YOU THINKKK!!!! part 2 is in my drafts babies 💋

#chris evans #chris evans x reader #chris evans x y/n #chris evans x you #jake jensen #jake jensen x reader #jake jensen x you #knives out #ransom drysdale #chris evans smut #ransom drysdale x reader #x reader #ransom drydale x you #ransom drysdale smut #jake jensen smut #x reader series #poc!reader #woc!reader #black!reader

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miryum · 9 days

Text

"The Cruise"

Summary: Detective!Jason Todd x detective!Reader based on Jake and Amy’s relationship

Series Warnings: Swearing, descriptions of violence (but nothing descriptive), guns and other police stuff

Series Masterlist

Y/n was incredibly proud of her outfit. She had scoured all of Gotham’s tackiest stores and invaded their clearance sections, picking out the most obnoxious outfits she could find. Now, standing in the precinct, Y/n was wearing a Hawaiian shirt and cargo shorts. Her goal was to dress like a suburban dad and she had succeeded. “Okey dokey.” Y/n told Steph, “the car is picking Jason and me up in two minutes. You cool with keeping tabs on my cases while I'm on the cruise?”

Steph nodded. “You bet. I hope you two have a great time. You guys definitely deserve it.”

“I am psyched to go on this week-long cruise, just sitting around doing nothing,” Y/n gushed.

Jason finished talking with Dick when he walked over to Y/n, placing an arm around her waist and pressing a kiss to her forehead. “You ready to go?” he asked. “I signed us up for ballroom dancing ‘cause it seemed pretty cool. Is that okay?”

Y/n nodded, beaming up at him. “Good-bye, coworkers!” she called. “Or as they like to say at sea… honk! Honk!” She imitated a ship horn, pulling down on an imaginary rope.

An hour or so later, Jason helped Y/n out of the car as she grinned, “this is so great.” The boat they were taking was a majestic thing and both of them were excited to have some time off from work. “Seagulls, check. The ocean, check. A gang of oldies in short shorts, check, check, check.” Y/n grimaced as a pack of elderly people walked past, showing way too much skin for her liking.

“We are definitely on a cruise,” Jason muttered.

As the pair walked up to the ship, an attendant beamed and said in a customer service voice, “Welcome aboard!”

Y/n thanked the attendant before Jason pulled her away to their room. “So I was thinking we could partake in some vigorous activity before relaxing?” He smirked as he pulled open the door.

Y/n hummed and laughed lightly. “Oh, that sounds like a good idea.” She tugged on Jason’s shirt and Jason pulled her towards the bed.

Suddenly, before the couple could continue, an announcement came over the loudspeakers in the hallway. The voice carried into their room and called, “The all-ages piano lounge is now open and serves bottomless margaritas.” Jason and Y/n looked at each other, not impressed. Jason buried his face in Y/n’s neck and began peppering kisses on her skin when the announcement continued and said, “we also serve a drink with a potato skin in it.”

Y/n popped up and exclaimed, “ohh! To the all-ages piano lounge!”

Jason groaned and practically collapsed on her, but couldn’t help but chuckle. He muttered something and pressed a kiss to her jawline before saying, “alright, let’s go.”

Y/n smiled and kissed him lightly. “You’re the best.”

“I know.”

“Welcome aboard, ladies and gentlemen, but especially ladies,” a man said seductively into a microphone when Y/n and Jason walked hand-in-hand into the piano lounge.

Y/n’s brows furrowed and she mumbled, “I know that voice.”

“Get ready. It's time for some smush songs,” the man said before he started to play the piano.

Y/n gasped dramatically and her head whipped to stare at the man on stage. “Roy Harper! The Red Arrow. He's here.” Jason looked around before finally noticing the man on stage.

From behind the piano, Roy said, “we got songs about smushing, songs for smushing to, songs for the kids. This is the all-ages piano lounge. My daughter loves my songs,” he commented.

“I can't believe he's here! I've been hunting him for years and now fate has dropped him right into my lap,” Y/n cried. “He's gonna be so surprised when he sees me.”

“Hey, L/n, you made it!” Roy called from up on the stage, waving enthusiastically. A spotlight moved to shine on Y/n and Jason. “What took you so long, darling?” Jason sighed and his face deadpanned.

“Okay, seems like he's playing it pretty cool,” Y/n muttered. “He’s probably more surprised on the inside.”

“Uh-huh,” Jason couldn’t help but chuckle tiredly, knowing that their entire vacation was now to be preoccupied by Roy Harper.

At the end of Roy’s song (Y/n had very patiently waited until his set was over), Y/n and Jason cornered Roy. “L/n, it's no coincidence you're on a ship. You won a free cruise without entering a contest.”

“You did what?!” Jason interrupted.

Roy ignored him. “How do you think that happened?”

“I don't know.” Y/n stuck her tongue out, refusing to be caught in Harper’s trap. “Maybe it's because I bought Alvin and the Chipmunks: Chipwrecked, and the Internet realised that cruises were one of my interests.”

“Great film,” Roy complimented. “Why does no one acknowledge what great range Matthew Gray Gubler has to go from Criminal Minds to Simon?!”

“Damn straight.” Yn snapped her fingers in appreciation.

“But the tickets are all me,” Roy admitted. “I brought you here 'cause I'm in peril.”

“Pfft. Peril.” Y/n scoffed. Jason wandered away to check out the buffet.

“Don't ‘pfft’ my peril.” Roy wagged his finger, one hand on his hip sassily.

“Pfft,” Y/n repeated.

“Somebody's trying to kill me,” Roy insisted. “I need protection, so I sent for my best friend.”

“I am not your best friend,” Y/n hissed. “I'm your worst enemy. Get that through your head.”

“It's this kind of bickering that makes us such an adorable couple.” Roy held up his hands in a heart.

Jason returned from the buffet, holding a plate piled high with food. He offered a doughnut to Y/n and she took it, kissing him on the cheek before glaring back at Roy. “Whatever, Roy. You're under arrest.”

“You can't arrest me, darling,” Roy raised a brow, smirking. “We're in international waters, which is also why I can smoke as much weed as I want. Welcome to the high seas.” He snickered.

Y/n shook her head. “No, no way that that's true. Jay, tell me I can arrest him right now. I wanna arrest him!” She stamped her foot.

Jason shrugged and said, “Harper’s right. We have no jurisdiction. Technically this boat flies under the flag of Uzbekistan.”

“Uh-oh.” Roy said in a high, breathy voice, holding a theatrical hand up to his mouth. “Your boy knows about the Uzbeks.”

“But the captain can have him arrested,” Jason reassured Y/n. “He has total authority on this boat.”

“Perfect.” Y/n grinned triumphantly. “Captains love me. Just wait until he or she finds out they're employing a criminal.”

Unfortunately, when the trio found the captain on the bridge, the captain said, “Yeah, about forty percent of the crew are criminals. It's hard to find normal people who want to live on a boat. I, myself, am a tax evader.”

Jason raised a brow and Roy said, “yeah, if there’s anyone to use the fluffy pink handcuffs on, it’s him. Not Y/n/n. Or me.” Roy winked at Jason. Jason shot back an unimpressed look.

“I just need him locked up till we get back to Gotham,” Y/n pleaded. “Can't you just throw him in boat jail?”

Both the captain and Jason said, “It's called the brig.”

“How do you know so much about boats?” Y/n whispered to Jason.

“Roy’s my best lounge singer, and I need to keep people distracted,” the capitan defended. “Just between us, we're nearly out of ranch dressing.”

“On day one?”

“These people are animals. Listen, as long as he's on my boat, Roy Harper is a free man.”

Y/n had to resist punching the man.

“Jaybird, Y/n, welcome to my cabin, aka the Boom-Boom Stateroom.” Roy opened a cabin door with a flourish to reveal a grande suite. The large bed was covered in rose petals, ambient music was playing in the background and there was a full jacuzzi in the bathroom.

Jason’s lips parted and he had to admit that he was impressed. “This is a royale level suite,” he said. “This is for first-classers only.”

“Little perk of being Carousel Cruises' entertainer of the year,” Roy boasted. “You're welcome to chill here. It's the least I can do to thank you for protecting me.”

“Never.” Y/n poked him in the chest. “This protection scam is a scam. Do you honestly think you can fool me again just because you've successfully done it numerous times before?”

“My old boss wants me dead,” Roy protested. “I've been laying low on this ship with Lian, but I got word from a friend that they found me. I got Lois to take Lian in for a couple weeks since there's a hitman coming to end my beautiful life. That's why I sent you the free tickets.”

“No! No, no way. I'm not buying it. You can't get away from me again. Jason and I are gonna spend every second of our romantic cruise watching you.” She looked back at Jason and hesitated. “Assuming that’s okay?”

Jason was starting to think that Y/n had a bit of an unhealthy obsession with the Red Arrow. But if it was important to her, then he would go along with it. “Yep. That's what we're gonna do.” He flopped down on the bed, hoping that this thing with Roy would wrap up so he could spend some time with his girlfriend.

“We have to find the hitman before he finds me. I'm guessing this'll take us all over the boat. That's an ENAC sitch right there. That’s ‘Every Nook And Cranny.’”

“Okay, so where's this hitman, Harper?” Y/n sighed.

“Look, I don't know who they sent, but he's on the boat.” Roy pulled out a sheet of paper. “Check out this manifest. Somebody boarded in New York named Henry Coles.”

“Henry Street and Coles Street, that's the corner of your old chop shop in Gotham,” Y/n said immediately. “It’s an alias.”

“My porter buddy checked out Henry Coles' cabin,” Roy continued. “He hasn't been in it yet. He's hiding somewhere on this boat ready to jump out and kill me at any moment. Probably creepin' around in my closet.”

“Or stowed away in a lifeboat,” Y/n murmured.

“Or hiding in a wall,” Roy added.

“Or holed up in the engine room,” Y/n grinned.

“Camouflaged in the shrubbery,” Roy snickered.

The two of them pointed at each other and said, “predator style.”

Y/n then remembered her place and groaned. “No. We are not having fun. You will not suck me in with your wily charms.”

Later that day, Jason had convinced Y/n to go to the exhibits on the cruise ship. “Oh, this ship was a transporter during World War two,” he oohed. “Did you know that they actually had to turn the barracks into another medical office because there were so many injured soldiers? The ship got shot at multiple times and sustained damage to the hull, it it’s still operational. It was bought by this cruise company thirteen years ago.” Y/n hummed along. Usually, she would be fascinated by this (or at least pretend to be fascinated), but her gaze was currently focused on Roy Harper. “Oh, and the ship fought in four battles. I wonder what types of weapons were used…” He glanced at Y/n, but seeing that she was more focused on Roy, he sighed and trudged away to explore on his own.

“Hey, little advice,” Roy called from where he was standing. “Jason is great. If you want to keep him, you may wanna be more receptive to his interests.”

“Now you're taking it too far, Harper.” Y/n shook her head and scoffed. “I don't need relationship advice from my criminal archnemesis.”

Roy held up his hands in mock defence. “I just want to see you two happy.”

“No. This is just another one of your lies, just like your fake hitman.”

“There is a hitman on this boat!” Roy sighed in exasperation. “Henry Coles is coming to kill me.”

“Excuse me?” An old man turned around, his voice wavering.

“What?”

“You said my name,” the old man smiled kindly. “I'm Henry Coles.”

“You're Henry Coles?” Y/n stared at him, her eyes wide.

“According to my medical alert bracelet.” The man nodded and tapped his medical bracelet. The old man stared down at his bracelet, confused for a moment, as if he was checking to see if he really was Henry Coles.

“Well, this is interesting.” Y/n exaggerated her words as she skipped over to the old man. “This is Henry Coles! Let's just take a look at that.” She took the old man’s wrist, briefly checking it before saying, “Oh, it says, ‘Roy Harper is a liar.’”

“Actually, it says I'm a fall risk,” the man corrected.

“Okay, you're kind of ruining my burn here, Henry,” Y/n whispered. Henry Coles shuffled away and Y/n turned towards Roy, victorious. “I knew it. I knew Henry Coles was a ninety-year old man with type one diabetes and emphysema. Obviously, I didn't know those specifics, but I knew you were lying.”

Roy frowned and crossed his arms. “So Henry Coles wasn't the guy. My bad. There's still somebody on this boat who wants to kill me!”

“You're trying to get away, and it's not gonna happen. We're spending the rest of this trip in your cabin.” Jason found his way back to Y/n and wrapped his arms around her waist. He rested his head on her hair and sighed, feeling more relaxed when he inhaled her scent. “Jason and I will take sleep shifts to make sure someone's always watching you.”

“Thank you. That makes me feel super safe,” Roy said. They started back towards the Boom-Boom Stateroom. Y/n took Jason’s hand. Roy grinned and casually said, “And if you want to smush, I have a sleep mask and noise cancelling headphones.”

Jason sighed and rolled his eyes. “Can't we just lock him up in there? Do we really have to trade off sleep for the next six nights?”

Y/n took a breath and said softly, “I know. I'm sorry.”

Jason bit the inside of his cheek and muttered, “fine. I get it. He's the Red Arrow.” In a tense voice, he said, “You take the first shift.”

“Thank you so much!” Y/n cupped Jason’s cheek. “You're the best. I lo-” Y/n was cut off by the shattering of mirror glass and the banging open of the room closet. A man barrelled into the room and tackled Roy. Y/n tensed up and tugged the man off of Roy. “Hey, GCPD! Let him go!”

The man punched Y/n and Jason practically growled. Jason wrenched the man off of Y/n and threw him to the floor. The man scampered to his feet and ran out of the room.

Roy stood up and ran an irritated hand through his hair. “Now do you believe me? That guy was trying to kill me!”

“Alright, fine! Someone wants you dead!” Y/n threw her hands up in the air in exasperation. “You win.”

“Well, thank god you were there, L/n. I knew you wouldn't let your best friend die.”

“I'm still gonna arrest you.” Y/n grumbled, “I just can't do that if you're dead.”

“Whatever you gotta tell yourself,” Roy chuckled. “Baby steps.” Roy nudged Jason and tsked as if sharing a secret, “it's hard getting her out of her shell.”

Jason sighed and crossed his arms. “Tell me about it. Every time we get emotional, she deflects it. I know it has to do with her childhood, but-”

“Okay, can we focus up here?” Y/n interrupted, shooting both men a nasty glare. “We still don't know what your hitman looks like, so we're gonna have to flush him out. Wait a minute. Where do the toilets on this boat go?”

“You don't want to know.” Roy shook his head.

“The pool?” Y/n asked, aghast.

“Ocean.”

“Oh, that's even worse. That's where my shrimpies live.”

“He'll probably try to hit me at my show this afternoon. At least I'll die doing what I love: getting people horny at sea.” Roy placed a hand over his heart.

“Yeah. Yeah. That's gross,” Jason grumbled.

“Alright, here's the plan. We're gonna leave you alone on stage and dangle you as bait,” Y/n said.

“Damn! Bait dangling?” Roy clicked his tongue, feeling the burn.

“If we're up on stage with you, it could spook him,” Y/n explained. “We'll blend into the crowd, and we'll take him down before he even gets to you.”

“But if you're gonna blend in, you got to blend in.”

Jason held out an arm to Y/n and she took it, beaming up at him. Both of them were in ugly neon shirts and thick white sneakers. “Shall we?” Jason asked in a posh accent..

“Ladies and gentlemen, widows and widowers,” Roy whispered into the microphone. “Welcome to the all-ages piano lounge adults only show. This is a little song I wrote myself, called Cassandra, Cassandra, Cassandra.” Y/n snickered before Roy sang, “Cassandra, Cassandra, Cassandra!”

“It's so crowded in here, and the lighting is way too sexy to see anything,” Y/n whispered to Jason.

Just then, Roy started singing, “Right there on the floor… Is the man you're looking for…” Y/n and Jason looked around, confused. “He's right in front of you… A little bit to the left… My left, my left, my left, my left,” Roy corrected the couple and Jason and Y/n shuffled to the correct direction. “Come on this way… He's in a red shirt… No, not the Asian dude… I'm talking about a bright red shirt…” Roy grinned and crooned, “That's the man you're looking for… That's the man you've been looking for!”

“I got him. Follow me,” Jason muttered before losing sigh of the man. “Ah, come on.”

“This is still a love song,” Roy serenaded.

“Where'd he go?” Y/n frowned, looking around.

Roy announced loudly, “Well, that ends my show, all of a sudden. You've been a great crowd. Thank you very much.” Both Y/n and Jason looked up to the stage where Roy was being led away by another man who was holding a knife to Roy’s neck.

Y/n and Jason exchanged a look before running after Roy. They followed him to a narrow hallway behind the stage. “Y/n/n, help me. I don't want to die,” Roy whimpered. “Lian needs me…”

Y/n’s eyes flashed with loyalty and fear. “Okay, just put the knife down,” she instructed the hitman. “There's no murder in the all-ages piano lounge.”

“Screw you, slut,” the hitman spat.

“That’s not a very all-ages thing to say.” Jason’s jaw twitched and he stepped towards the hitman.

The hitman shoved Roy aside and lunged at Jason. Jason easily wrestled the man to the floor and secured the hitman’s hands together with an electrical cord that Y/n threw him.

After Y/n checked up on Jason and ensured he was okay, she called out, “you okay, Roy?”

A door slams from behind him and Y/n’s whirled around. “No. No, no, no, no, no,” she whimpered. She ran to the railing of the ship, whiplashing from the sudden stop. Jason bolted up behind her and placed a steading hand in her back. Roy Harper waved up at the pair from a small lifeboat. “Bye, L/n! Thanks for saving my life!”

“No. Roy! Don't do this!” Y/n cried. “No, not again!”

“Sorry to do this to you, darling,” Roy called through a bullhorn. “I saw an opening, and I had to take it. I can't go to jail. I'm too cool. Also, who will take care of Lian?”

“You'll never get away from me, Harper!” Y/n’s fists clenched around the ship’s railing.

“I can't hear what you're saying.” Roy put a hand up to his ear. “You're really far away. I'll just assume you're finally admitting we're best friends.”

“That is not what I'm saying!” Y/n insisted.

“Thank you. It means a lot to me!” Roy grinned and said, “enjoy the rest of your cruise. Just remember, you got a fine man. Check your pockets!” Jason pulled out a key card from his pocket and Roy announced, “Boom-Boom Stateroom, baby!”

“Thank you, but this isn't over!” Y/n screamed. “I will hunt you to the ends of the Earth!”

“I love you too!” Roy blew her a kiss. “I'm so proud of us for being able to say it. What are you still standing there for? Go smush!”

“Roy! No!”

A couple hours later, Y/n and Jason were laying in bed, tuckered out from the day’s activities. Y/n mumbled into space, “if the toilets drain into the ocean, does that mean a tiny shark could swim up and bite me in the butt?”

“No, not at all,” Jason muttered back.

“Lame.” Y/n rolled her eyes.

“Look.” Jason rolled over on his side to look at Y/n. “I know you're bummed about the Red Arrow so if it's any consolation, we could spend the rest of the cruise doing absolutely nothing.”

“That is so incredibly sweet, but no way,” Y/n smiled softly, gazing over at Jason with soft vulnerability and care in her eyes. “We have a pretty cool activity to do.” She laughed lightly and said, “you'll never guess what starts in three minutes.”

“Ballroom dancing!”

“Oh, so you can guess.”

Three minutes later, Jason held Y/n in his arms and murmured, “thank you for doing this.” He took a breath and admitted, “I love you.”

Y/n stared up at him with wide, scared eyes. “Noice. Smort,” she swallowed roughly. Jason’s eyes flickered downward and his expression revealed a layer of quiet sadness. Y/n took a breath and gathered her courage. “I love you too,” she whispered. Jason stared at her, a soft smile on his lips and his eyes full of unbelievable love and warmth. After a beat, Y/n muttered, “also, I think this is definitely a dance class for widows.” The two glanced around to see an old lady waving suggestively at Jason. Jason groaned loudly and bent down to bury his face in Y/n’s neck, a blushing embarrassment on his face.

#title of your sex tape #jason todd x reader #jason todd #dc x reader #dcu #b99 #b99/dcu #slow burn

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