#tw doubting system validity

[doin-just-fine]

MAJOR UPDATE: Questioning systems or systems in a doubt spiral pls read.

I recently told my therapist about potentially being a system. This was a scary move because she has previously had some iffy takes about systemhood. But I told her because I trusted that she would meet me where I was at and help me navigate , at the least, the general idea of not understanding my own brain if nothing else which I was ok with. I told her and it went as expected. I explained why I thought I might be a system but also the doubts I had about it and how it was distressing me to not understand myself. She agreed to use the language I was using for it and was happy to help me through (as is her job) and also because whether it was systemhood or not it was something in me that was trying to be seen and we would work on figuring out what it was.

Fast forward a few session, and I was going through another bout of "what the fuck even is my brain". I was starting to realize that my "systemhood" is very different from the things I've been seeing online. In the ways that it's different to other systems is: - I'm always in the front, always in the captains chair - I have no amnesia because I never switch out - My hyper-vigilance never lets me dissociate fully though i definitely "check out" in my own way - Head mates just feel like vague ideas or emotions

But the ways that are similar are: - These vague ideas or emotions have opinions and feelings that are different from my own. - Though they are vague, I can definitely tell they are separate from what I have come to understand as "me" - I become "a different person" in the sense of my attitude, vibe, behavior, and opinions change from where they were 5 mins ago, but I am still me, just a different me.

Anyway, I was already trying to make sense of all of this and was not planning on talking about it with my therapist because nervous... However, my therapist ask me about it first. She asked some clarifying questions about my partners system vs my own and how they are different. When I explained what I just wrote above to my therapist she said "Thats what I thought and I owe you an apology."

Basically, my therapist, like any good therapist should when confronted by something they don't know a lot about, had been doing research on complex forms of trauma and coping. Things in the same vain as CPTSD and Plurality including those two topics. She had specifically been reading a book called "The Body Keeps The Score" (TW it is a book about trauma and studies of trauma so it has details of case studies that some people may find incredibly triggering). I did some research on what exactly the book was talking about in regards to "systemhood" and from what I've found, chapter 14 at the end of a section called "Writing to yourself" and the first parts of chapter 17 have interesting information regarding systemhood and how its not entirely limited to things that are diagnosable like DID or OSDD. It seems to talk about how we all have several selves and trauma can get in the way of those selves communicating effectively. My therapist told me about this book and what she learned from it and apologized to me because the book made her realize that she was wrong and that I was in fact a system....

The session ended and I just kind of sat there... not sure how to feel but definitely feeling relief and validation.

After doing research on the book to write this I have some words of wisdom. If you are a questioning system or are doubting your validity remember this: The human brain is so incredibly complex and no one actually understands how it does anything beyond its basic physical functionality... the conceptual abilities of our mind are a mystery. How we define self is just theory. If you don't fit into boxes, labels, identities, or diagnoses that does not mean your experiences aren't real. You are going to be ok. Understand YOUR mind and how it works for YOU, not through a label or diagnosis. If those things come later, great! Do not let them destroy you just because you don’t fit perfectly. I am a system. Simply. No types, labels, or diagnosis. I am a system. I have a unique experience because my brain is no one elses. I am a system. I may not have people in my head in the traditional sense but I'm also not alone up here either. I am a system. I am a system. I am a system. Nobody has the right to deny me this for they do not live behind my eyes.

As I understand myself: I am a system.

[sneakyboythingz]

TW: pedophilia

I do believe pedophilia is acctually a disorder and that majority of the people who prey/Assault kids are not even pedo themselfs. (I doubt my assaulter was a pedo as a example)

But not gonna lie. This one community of pro-para (not saying that all pro-paras are like that) people who keeps using the argument that since what they have is acctually a disorder that has no cure they have the right to keep talking and having their fantasies of real kids and minors as a form of "coping" and i think thats not really good at all.

Its not healthy to refer to youself as a "non ofending MAP" while at the same time have a community with other people to talk about your terrible atraction to convice yourselfs that your atracttion is okay just bcz you are "sick and needs coping" no matter how much you think thats the only way that you "will not hurt a real kids"

I have seen a guy some months ago who keeps encouraging his other pedo followers to call themselfs maps and that "they are so valid for their atraction" on their curious cat asks, and i dont see how you can see reasons to be prideful of a terrible mental disorder.

And before someone come after me for being proship

Fiction ≠ reality

Having a real pedophilic disorder is in no way comparable to someone who Just enjoys to read some nsfw fanfics about their favorite 13 years old fictional character

You need to cope with better ways, using other types of fictionals concepts and characters and find a form to not keep feeding those thoughts togheter with a good support system.

Sharing your fantasies works of abusing kids even if Its just fictional, is a different case when the person making the content acctually has the real atracttion.

Think about It:

"I consume this problematic fiction because its a healthy way to enjoy my kink and fetish, i dont acctually have any pedophilic disorder "

Vs

"I consume this problematic fiction because its help me cope with my real pedophilic atracttion caused by my real sexual disorder"

Are different things, thats why the latter has to be way more carefull with their urges and actions, on real life and on the internet

Idc that you like lolis/shota content to cope, but the moment where you start to get proud and loud of your sexual disorder, that has absolute nothing positive to get something from, is a no for me :/

[multiplicity-positivity]

Positivity for su1c1dal multiples? Why we should live?

Yes, absolutely, happily and without a doubt.

This post we did not censor, and we included it in our regular tags. It has been trigger tagged extensively, so if anyone doesn’t want to see a post affirming suicidal systems, go ahead and make sure you have at least one tag filtered (ex: “#suicide,” “#suicidal ideation,” “#suicidal thinking,” “#suicide tw”)

We have seen the statistic that at least 70% of those with dissociative identity disorder have attempted suicide at some point in their lives. Systems are often at a great risk for suicide, and suicidal systems and headmates of all sorts need our unwavering acceptance and support now more than ever.

This post will be up on our blog on Thursday night at 8:00 PM EST. Until then, for some reasons to live, we love the blog @/randomreasonstolive which is active in posting thousands of reasons to stay alive. Remember, it’s valid to live for small things or things others may seem insignificant. It’s valid to live for ice cream or video games. It’s valid to live for your headmates or loved ones or your favorite YouTuber. ANY reason to choose life is a valid one. We love you, and we are so so incredibly proud of you for making it this far.

We understand crisis lines can sometimes make people feel much worse than they did before, so at this time, we are refraining from including links. If anyone sees this who is worried about their own safety or is concerned they may hurt themselves, please please reach out to someone. If there is no one in your life who you trust, our DMs are open. We love you and we want you to live to see another sunrise, then another, and another, and another. We want you to grow old and gray. We want you to smile again. And we will NEVER ever give up hope that you will achieve this one day. We will never lose our faith in you.

[jabberwock-islanders]

vent incoming, no tws as far as i'm aware

we are. genuinely fucking shaking right now! why is it so hard for the endo community to understand that we don't want them to fucking interact with our shit. why do they think they're so fucking special that they have the right to dogpile people within the traumatized community that their community, no matter how much they're trying to fight for "scientific proof" of their validity, IS FULL OF PEOPLE CLAIMING TO BE SYSTEMS WITHOUT A DISSOCIATIVE DISORDER. FULL OF PEOPLE MOCKING OUR FUCKING TRAUMA. we're tempted to fucking shut down this blog and start over because we're genuinely so fucking scared. no matter how many times we say to leave us alone and not interact with our blog or posts they keep replying to our posts, they keep sending shit in our ask box, they're mentioning us in posts complaining about BASIC FUCKING BOUNDARIES.

it took every fiber of my fucking being to keep zack from losing his fucking mind and just block the acc without saying anything and i'm starting to get scared of what he'll do if this happens again. this is seriously starting to trigger us, but i doubt they'd care. we feel cornered, we're paranoid every time we have an activity notification, and i'm starting to think that starting over with a new blog is the best idea for us. we're a fucking 16 year old kid, we shouldn't have to be this fucking paranoid over something so simple. block the tags we use. if you see our posts on your home page, literally just click "not interested in this post" and we'll be off your feed. but no, you want to actively hunt down traumatized kids and fucking harass them. you disgust me.

the only thing we're asking you to do is leave us the fuck alone. and you don't even have the decency to do that.

-- Rin 🥽

[nabbit-unmasked]

TW for therian discourse, infighting, and aggressive/assertive tone. I just need to vent real quick.

-> Feel free to scroll/disregard this post <-

My biggest petpeeve in the therian community is, without a doubt, gatekeeping.

"Therianthropy is nonphysical!" this and "you can't choose to be a therian!" that.

What if we just realized that everyone's brain and belief system works differently, and you can literally choose whatever label you want for yourself.

I've seen so many posts saying, "Someone said that chosen therian are invalid, but they're wrong! They're just using the wrong terms! Otherlinkers are just as valid as therians!"

Chosen therians ARE therians, not otherlinkers. Only individuals can choose their own labels; others cannot choose them for them. There is no single verbatim definition of therianthropy. There is no universal judge on who counts as a REAL therian and who's a fake. There are no fakes unless they are consciously, intentionally, and deliberately faking.

Chosen therians are just as valid as other therians, and otherlinkers are ALSO just as valid as therians and any other alterhuman identitiy. Voluntary identities are valid, even when it comes to therianthropy.

[reimeichan]

TW: talk of denial

Yknow it is kinda funny that our whole life (up until recently) we've been fairly covert about our switches to the point we still regularly doubt if we even "truly" have DID or not because, the people around us would have noticed if we switched, right? We have to be making this all up if nobody noticed before, right?

Except they have noticed, they just didn't know the terminology or really know what to look for in the past. Our parents have noted that we seem to "go from one mood to another" without warning and that made us unpredictable, and knowing that we have DID now made everything click for them. And this past week, while on vacation, our friends, who have all known us for over a decade, were able to pick up on (some) switches just based on microexpressions and changes in body language, the way we talk, etc. And we weren't even trying to be super overt in our switches (save for the littles, they like being known around people they're comfortable around), so knowing that people were able to pick up on those subtleties without us even like... trying? was super validating.

We have generally become a lot less covert since system discovery, mainly because the people around us have all been so accepting and loving and supportive of the ways the different parts of us present ourselves. That's not to say we're always overt, or rather, always choosing to be overt. Sometimes the mask just slips a little. Other times we think we're masking (or masking out of habit) and someone close to us is still able to pinpoint exactly who is talking to them due to specific quirks or habits. And... the interesting is, if the others around don't know what to look for, they oftentimes won't see our switches as a "switch". They're mood swings. Or putting on a different persona (like using a customer service voice). Or even nothing notable at all (one of our alters tends to furrow his eyebrows a little when he fronts that people will rarely take note of as anything more than "squinting").

Idk, just kinda nice to be validated by the people around us even when they're not aware they're validating us. Especially when they're not aware they're validating us.

[anti-endo-safe-space]

Tw: childhood trauma, dissasociation, eating disorders

I just recently figured out that i am in a system, while i am still figuring things out and creating a healthier pattern of life to accomodate us all, i cant help but think ive but suppressed the thought of even being one, afraid of faking, thinking im posing for attention to have this disorder that affects all of us daily, the quarelling over items, the need to hold back some of our impulsive wants and needs and the denial that "i wasn't abused" until a fellow sys pointed out to us that the fact that i have to hide my entire internet life from my own parents, the fact that they will probably disown us if we came out, the fact that the only reason why we still have a even slight positive connotation with them is because some of us are taking in all the intense emotions and memories of abuse we had when its bad, really bad. So that the littles and the middles could still have a good relationship with my parents. The dissasociation, the emotional rollercoaster, the body dysphoria, the feeling of not recognising your own reflection, the need to mask our identity of being a system ontop of masking our neurodivergence. The hours of laying in bed wasting time because were paralyzed by the amount of bickering and the repressed sadness and pain and anger and fear and paranoia and mania and unhealthy obsessiveness, the feeling of losing yourself everytime you blink, the fear of a protector and or prosecutor lashing out in public and possibly getting us into trouble. Thoughts, emotions, the self-doubt the noise the frustration, the hours of broken sleep patterns down to our unhealthy cravings of food when things get bad. The fear of rejection and the need to hide, the expectations, the fear of not deserving love because you think this is all just your measly attempt at copying peoples quirks because you're lonely, the unreasonable fears the memory loss the cacophony of the argument of what to do as you stand there frozen like a deer in the headlights unable to form a coherent sentence to respond as all of you fight to who gets to voice theirs to react to the situation, the fear of being rejected the constant mind-haze, the fear of being invalidated because you fit right into the stereotypes of having "evil" alters, the fact that we have a high fictive count and that we are young and dont have a formal medical diagnosis because it is inaccesible to us at the current time.

And to think, to some people this disorder is just a game, a side thing, a little hobby to get into and get out of when you eventually get bored and toss away your toys like unwanted dolls. The fact that these people might contribute to why weve been repressed for so long due to their standards.

I wonder how you come up with wild shit like that, i wonder how people could face themselves in the mirror every morning without being restless every night thinking about their own validity, but they do, and i think that upset me

Sorry for the long vent/rant OPs

-🍎🦖

Hey don't be sorry, we're here for long vents/rants

We aren't entirely sure what to say. We are so sorry you had to find out and deal with the negative parts of being a system, it isn't all fun and games like some people seem to think.

[jamesonxcarter]

PRESENTING . . . JAMESON CARTER

full name: jameson henning davis-carter

nicknames: because of his large extended family, he's had a number of nicknames including james, jamie, jay, jj, jc, jimmy, dave, davie, carter, henny, hennessy (only by his baby sister)

age: thirty-eight

date of birth: february 10, 1985

hometown: covington, georgia

gender: cis male

pronouns: he/him/his

occupation: professor of anthropology, true crime podcaster

family: everyone under the sun; emmett carter (father), cassidy davis-carter (mother), asher franklin carter (nephew), eliana almeida (paternal cousin)

living arrangements: orchird park

IN A NUTSHELL . . .

miscarriage tw, fertility issues tw, depression tw, addiction tw, cheating tw

born into the large davis-carter clan, jameson was surrounded by family as far as the eye can see. this meant that there were no secrets, no disobedience allowed. the family was tight knit and stressed the importance of being there for each other at all costs. through thick and thin, family was paramount. while this remained true for jameson, he got his first taste of freedom when he left for college just under an hour away at emory university. he met his wife there and as soon as they graduated, they were married. he continued to turn to education as a way to stall his inevitable return to covington, and then on his career. after a number of fertility issues, he killed his marriage by choosing to save his wife over their unborn child. raised to think marriage was until death, they tried to stay together but they were living completely separate lives. which was why it was no surprise when he caught his wife's affair. with a valid reason to separate, jameson returned to covington and his alma mater to teach. recently, he's stepped into the role of guardian for his one year old nephew, asher, while his youngest sister is in rehab.

IN THE WEEDS. . .

It takes a village to raise a child. For the Carter family, they needed to look no further than a few houses to their left and right. Covington was their home for generations, with few looking beyond its borders for fulfillment and thrill. Family was paramount. And family meant Covington. Thanksgivings alternated between grandparents, aunts, and uncles’ houses. No family was extended. They were all just one. It was in this bustling and boisterous environment that Jameson Carter was raised. Surrounded by cousins and two siblings of his own, it was almost impossible to get a moment to be alone. To be by himself. Growing up with a clan that made up half the town made it extremely difficult to rebel. So even if wanted to sneak over a friend’s house to try alcohol when he was fifteen or dabble in truancy to take a girl out to Lake Shoal, it would inevitably find its way back to his parents, and by extension, the entire family. It was impossible to keep a secret, and that was precisely what kept Jameson on the straight path.

He was nothing less than a nerd. With a father on the force, he grew up listening to stories of crime and punishment. Some convinced him that the justice system in his small town was impeccable. Others made him doubt that conviction. Graduation meant leaving his tight knit community. But he didn’t venture far, double majoring in psychology and anthropology in Emory. He was fascinated by people, but his own family structure had him intrigued by cultures beyond his own. Freshmen year exposed him to a whole world of freedom he never felt before. Overwhelmed by the lack of oversight for the first time in his life, Jameson had his typical movie like college life. With the same cliché whirlwind romance. They met as stupid eighteen-year-olds, stumbling into the same Intro to Organic Chemistry class. And the rest was history. Which was the exact terrible pun Jameson used when recounting this story at their wedding a short two years later.  

The decision was shortsighted and naïve. As fresh-faced twenty-one years olds, it was easy to venture into the world with unbridled optimism that love was all they needed. But as they grew together, they also realized that maybe their experiences weren’t as compatible as the bubble that was college taught them. She wanted a family. He wanted to finish his degrees and establish himself before they set down roots. A part of him knew that the moment he finished his education, the pressure from his family would pick up for him to come back home. His freedom extended only so far as his education. Which was why from Georgia, he went to North Carolina. It was his first step away from his home state. Not too far, but enough to give him the separation he needed. The next step was Illinois. A PhD from Northwestern gave him a handful more years to find it in him to shake off the guilt that was eating away at him. Meanwhile, his wife was waiting on the dream she had for them to start a family together, that he kept stalling.

Jameson knew he wanted a big family, just like the one he grew up with. Eventually, he wanted to go back to Covington. But Christmases and Thanksgivings back reminded him both of what he loved, and hated, about his relatives. “I didn’t get the position.” He said when asked why he wasn’t trying to teach in Georgia. Instead, he ended up Houston next, his first position teaching. It was also the first place he got to put his degree to work outside the classroom as he was called upon to help a series of cold cases that they had struggled to crack. And as he finished the first exhilarating case, his wife slapped him with an ultimatum. The years had been rough on them as it was, and she was tired of him wagoning her around the country. It was time for her dreams. It was time for their family. And he agreed. Brought up in a house where marriages lasted forever, he did not want to see this one crumble.

Life had other plans for them. It couldn’t have been too late. They were both only just entering their thirties. But after three years of trying to conceive, going to doctor after doctor, they were finally pregnant on December 25. A true Christmas miracle. The pregnancy test was left in the trash in his family house and before he even learned the news, everyone was congratulating him. Maybe there was a reason that pregnancies were kept a secret until after the first trimester. Because the complications began almost immediately converting the excitement and jubilee into anxiety. Once again, they were in and out of doctors’ offices. Only this time, the last stay came with shocking news and a horrific decision. Mother or baby. He hit the last nail in the coffin that was their marriage when he picked his wife. When she woke up and claimed that he killed their baby, he didn’t know what to say. A house once filled with love, then anger, then anticipation soon was filled with apathy. They coexisted in parallel lives. Which was why when he was offered a better position in one of his alma maters, his wife didn’t go with him. She couldn’t uproot her life for him again. Long distance didn’t sting nearly as much as the discovery that she found comfort in the arms of another man. And the cheating didn’t sting nearly as much as the realization that her infidelity didn’t hurt.

The divorce was quiet and at an arms-length. Within a year of signing the papers, he realized the importance of having his family. Rather than returning to an empty, barren home, he surrounded himself with his relatives. The ones who, despite talking of his divorce to his face, at least cared enough to make sure he had food in his fridge. Taking a position in Emory, reacquainted himself to a life with no privacy. At thirty-seven, he learned that maybe he was the only one who struggled to keep his life hidden. His youngest sister announced that she was pregnant out of wedlock, the father of the child unknown to the family. Within a few months of delivery, the heartbreak and postpartum depression clouded her better judgment, and she took a few too many of her prescribed painkillers. And he learned for the first time that while he’d been roaming the country, his family back home had been counseling his baby sister through addiction. And as she was sent to get help, Jameson stepped in to be the guardian for her son while she got herself back on track.  

[dadzawa004]

(is anon wif da gf trubles) (tw vent, sh mention )

Is hards cuz host has strong connection wif his gf an he relly love her so he no wanna break ups wif her, I no relly like her, she seem scary :( an one da protecter no like her either, but host say is good, say she helpy him hurt body less an da she make him happys an stuffs bu protecter tink do more harm den good :( ben lot fighting in headspace lately :( dey always lot fight between host and da protecter, cuz host no do good mently an he do lot thinks da hurt body, he also get rid of us stuffs :( cuz he say da we no real :( bu is real :( I reel girl no fake peoples, has split lot recently so sum thing definly no goodds, is stressful, just not kno wat do :( host say no tell her is system cuz is probly fakeing its an no wan her kno bouts it, I tried front earlier bu host just scream an said bad words to me :( was no fun

Vent reaponse// TW (long post.)

Hey anon. it's nice to see you again, despite the bad circumstances

Please let this be a reminder. You ARE real. You are real, You're here and you're a real person. So is everyone in your system. I know how hard it is, considering the host is having troubles coming to terms with such. No matter what, you're real either way. I'm sorry to hear about the stress the sys is going through at the moment. I'm sure that the host isn't the only person going through denial

As I am apart of a system myself, I can find myself often wondering if its just me or it's really happening. Which is a valid feeling, please don't feel guilty about it (this includes the host and everyone who may feel this way)

I fear that if this is going on, the front may not be safe to front into. I'm not in charge wether when you decide to front or not. But if you want my personal opinion (and maybe something I did when we were in a similar situation) take front breaks. It's okay to take breaks if you can, and it can be extremely healthy when the stress is off your chest.

The most important thing right now is trying to remove the body itself into a place which feels more comfortable to you and the others. So if you want a place to start, start there (safety is your main priority, always remember that)

Like I said before, we had a host who was very similar to yours. And the situation was a huge.. ball of stress to get through. But I promise, eventually (and hopefully) the host and maybe anyone else who has similar mindset will start to understand their situation and how to cope with it

you have the same power as the host, so please don't feel like you're being shut down or kept quiet. Communication is key, but safety is the main focus before proceeding into hot waters like this

It might take hours, days, or weeks, even more. But no matter what the host will come in terms at some point. They can't ignore something that cannot be ignored. And even if being a system is rough, and it's "easier" to try and doubt your situation; it just isn't healthy. Not for them, not for the system or it's alters, not for the body. The most important thing is to find a way to get along, Live with it, and live with your lives. And I'm hoping that terms and realization will come soon

And please remember that there are resources to take if it's an emergency. Wether that he hotlines, therapy, and others (again, if safe to do so). But remember resources are there to help, so whatever the case, please turn to it if you're in a state of emergency. You aren't alone and you shouldn't do this alone.

I hope this helps. If you need more advice or.. just to talk, I'm here for you. So Is the CGS who run the blog. My messages are also open, so if you'd like to continue to talk, you are free to do so. (no pressure, but the option is always there)

I wish you the best of luck, kid. And I hope this reaches out ok

[traumasurvivorshelpingsurvivors]

Tw for pretty general abuse talk , gaslighting , self doubt (if I missed any tws I'm sorry in advance)

So, between the ages of 5-15, my mom was considerably abusive towards me in a number of ways, because of her own trauma and untreated mental illness. On top of that she was very absent from my life during everything else I went through, and was often the reason that other abusers would be let into my life.

For the past 2 years or so, I've been working on acknowledging this abuse, due to years and years of my family's gaslighting and belittling my feelings about it all. In August, I moved back in with my mom after a year and a half living with my dad and stepmom, due to her healing enough to see me as an equal, and the fact I became aware of my stepmom's abusive behavior and couldn't handle it anymore. Life has been better than ever for me since I moved back.

She's supportive, and way way way less overbearing and intense. Many members of my system have been able to kindle a relationship with her much like a mother and child SHOULD have, and it started getting really fucking hard to conceptualize that it ever wasn't this way. It's almost like my brain was just waiting for her to be stable enough to latch entirely onto the good, and bury the bad deep down within other alters. I don't know if this is a result of the gaslighting, but even all the processing I had done at my dad's feels non-existent, let alone the trauma itself I had been trying to process. Everything has just been fine forever, suddenly. Which would be great, if I wasnt still having cptsd symptoms, and wasn't still dealing with the disproportionately strong emotions of my alters. I'm just always stuck invalidating my own pain, due to our now relationship, and can't seem to find it in me to say she's an abusive person or would ever do that stuff to me. I'm always normalizing it so it doesn't feel like trauma anymore, too

I just can't seem to find a middle ground, where I'm able to listen to my alters when they say my mom in the past was abusive, and at the same time continue to forgive my mom in the present. I don't know if this is something I can do anything about without therapy, but it's immensely hindering any progress I'm making within my own system and with my (not specialized) therapist, so if you have any advice or just, consolation of normalcy, that would be great

- The Horizon

Hi The Horizon,

I'm sorry about what y'all have been through.

It can be hard to reconcile how to feel about our abusers, especially when they're someone we love or is supposed to protect us. It's normal and okay to have mixed feelings towards your mom.

I also just want to say that while your mom's trauma and undiagnosed mental illness may have influenced her abuse towards you, abuse is ultimately a choice one makes independent of other factors. The fact that trauma and mental illness don't necessarily make someone abusive goes to show that being abusive doesn't really have to do with either of those things. There is no excuse for abuse, and there's no excuse for being mistreated.

The gaslighting could definitely be a factor, and I think part of it may also be that she is your mom, and so part of you may be yearning for that affection so desperately as to try and dismiss the history of abuse. I think therapy can help you and your system work on figuring out how to reconcile the present situation with what has happened. Please know that however you feel about your mom is valid.

I think it's also worth considering the fact that you don't have to forgive your mom, and you can still heal and/or maintain a healthy relationship with her.

Please know that what happened is worth acknowledging, the pain and trauma y'all carry is worth acknowledging, and you are a valid survivor.

I hope I could help. Please let us know if y'all need anything.

-Bun

[whalesung]

super secret fictkin blog - nathan - 20 - he/him

NO MINORS!

more info about my nathan kin below! i’m okay with doubles but not if youre a dick about who is more canon/valid. i post what i want. i will tag if you lmk.

i am a nathan fictkin that relates to the bts iteration, with some aspects of the original lis canon. i also identify with fanon. some general info:

I DO NOT CONDONE anything nathan has done. i relate to his morbid side due to my own exposure to gore and other explicit materials at a young age. bring discourse somewhere else.

i do not suffer with schizophrenia (the canon mental issue nathan does) i do struggle with paranoid periods due to severe depression and deal with day to day unreality-related issues. i have had minor hallucinatory experiences.

i am beyond comfortable with anybody from lis interacting, apart from jefferson for obvious reasons. plus i doubt there’s a jefferson kin on here lmao. i would love especially to talk to a rachel or max kin. my bf is already a kind of warren-esque figure in my head, so i’m uncomfy with warren fictkins that are grahamscott based.

I AM NOT A SYSTEM. i’m just a guy with a strong connection to nathan and this is a way of coping and also funnelling my interests.

drug talk (specifically alcohol and weed) will be on here. if you’re uncomfortable with this i can tag it appropriately.

general warnings include: ed talk that will be tagged (tw ed). as well as graphic material that may be rb’d or drawn - it will never be real gore though. suicidal ideation may be discussed but will be tagged under vent. morbid topics are a given.

generally i don’t shit on people who casually kin or ‘kin for fun’, i’m new to the fictkin community and am not on board with unnecessary drama with non-fictkins. this is a blog for me and anybody interested/anybody who is also fictkin from lis.

i mask all the time on literally every other blog i have so with this one i will be unfiltered. this isn’t a warning per-se, just a general notice that i may be more standoffish.

nathan is a negative kin purely due to the source material making his life unfixable and his actions unforgivable - but that doesn’t mean this blog is just a venting space. it will be a beacon for positivity and a comfort space for myself.

generally that’s it. if you wanna ask anything don’t be afraid to ask.

[cksinsanitycontrodump]

[TW: Fakeclaiming and mentions of it, general reddit bullshittery, feelings of faking/self-doubt]

PSA;; r/fakedisordercringe + any other "[x disorder] cringe" subreddits are hellholes

I knew I shouldn't. I knew it was bad. But I didn't know it was gonna be this bad, man. I'm respectful of other's views and opinions, but those weren't opinions. Those were just attacks. Posts chock-full of fakeclaims, people saying what was and wasn't "valid," and just overall unbridled hate. Seeing posts not just about endogenic systems but other systems as well as various disorders, said posts talking about faking it for whatever reason made me sick. Person X being fakeclaimed for saying they have Y, when there's not even proof that they do or don't have it. System J being fakeclaimed because of their members/member count, Person A being attacked for being self-diagnosed with B, etc. While there may be people who are actually faking with full malicious intent, this subreddit is leaving me wanting to defend nearly everyone who landed on those posts, with the feeling that at least half of them are actually valid. That god-forsaken place also left me doubting my legitimacy as any kind of system, the lingering feeling of subconsciously faking literally everything creeping up on me.

I would just like to say: stay away from r/fakedisordercringe and similar subreddits. They'll most likely leave you fakeclaiming yourself, especially if you're already in doubt or questioning. Whether you're(&) a system, someone with a self-diagnosed disorder, or someone with a professionally diagnosed disorder, please stay away from those types of subreddits. Those places are hell.

[nightmarekilljoy]

My needs were ignored. /srs /neg

!!! TW: mentions of sh, depression, misophonia triggers, self doubt, despair, negative body image, venting in general, fakeclaiming !!!

I was told I was "just shy haha".

I was told I was lazy.

I was told I was selfish.

I was told that I was faking, when in reality I was suffering.

I was told I was being "too dramatic" because loud chewing noises made me want to vomit.

I was told that my depression was all in my head. (where else would it be Jan? in my feet?? /sarcastic /neg)

I was told I was weird.

Socializing is hard for me.

I was told to just "go out and loose weight" even if I still struggle with body image, and I find my weight to be a sensitive topic.

I was told I had very little friends because I was "clumsy", "weird" and "enjoyed childish things".

I was told I needed to grow out of all of my interests because they were "childish". (Explanation: For these people all anime = cartoon = for kids + manga = picture book = for kids + music sounds cute and bubbly (ignoring the meaning) = childish ;; those are some examples of my interests)

I was told I was too negative to be around.

I was told I was too loud.

I was told I was too silent and didn't talk when spoken to.

I was told I make my entire identity to be liking anime, and that I want to be asian. (Explanation: I started learning Japanese, got interested in anime and manga, got interested in music that helps me learn the language and now some people want to make it seem like I want to be asian?? As much as I like these things and as much as asian people are good people I'm white european and that's all there is to it, I can't change that at all because that's not how that works /srs)

I was told my interest in languages was silly and useless.

The entirety of my identity was made to be a complete joke.

There was nothing I could ever do to make me feel validated ever.

Now that I have the communities that I'min, and now that I have new friends and a support system that somewhat helps I believe things have started to get better. I still recieve the same treatment from the people who have done wrong previously, but I learned to lessen the severity of things by simply staying in my new town, or plugging in my earphones, or commenting on how I'm tired of their treatment of me.

And this is my journey to validate myself and what I went through. I don't need anyone saying that what happened isn't valid. I don't need anyone to invalidate me or my traumas or my identity.

This has been a long vent but I have to get my thoughts out somehow.

[sentimental-androids]

Hi! We're Senti. We are:

An adult system, specifically PF-DID.

Engaging with discourse on our OWN terms.

An autistic fool who's special interest is mental health (especially regarding trauma based disorders ♡)

Constantly doubting everything all the goddamn time.

NOT willing to hand out private information. (Pronouns are it/its.)

What we support:

The lgbtqia+ community

Neopronouns/genders, all good faith identities, when taken seriously (all actual identities are valid (minus transid/radqueer), trolls and aforementioned groups are not.)

BLM

Tone indicators

DNI if you:

Send anon hate

Are any kind of lgbtqia+phobe (ace/arophobia, bi/panphobia, bi/pan lesbianphobia, and any hate against microlabels is unacceptable lmao. You don't need to understand to be accepting.)

A transmed or terf

Are uncomfortable with the usage of the word Queer

Demonize literally any disorder.

Feel free to:

Send asks

Send submissions

Send messages

Reblog ANYTHING that ISN'T marked Do Not Reblog

Please refrain from:

Sending me heavy vents

Sending me anything lewd

Sending really gorey gore

Sending ANY discourse. If I interact with it, feel free to chime in. Don't send me unsolicited drama.

Hey, it's so good to meet all of you. We hope you enjoy your stay!

Tags to keep in mind:

#not safe - nsfw post

#actuallytraumatized - posts talking about trauma

#actuallydid - posts talking about experiences with DID

#genderposting - posts talking about trans experiences

#answered - asks I get

#-[name] an alter signing the post

#personal post - a post made by me

#reblog - a post NOT made by me

#ventish - a post that is a borderline vent

#vent - a post that is a vent

#important - a post that holds more value than regular posts

#humor - a shitpost

#do not reblog - a personal post I'm not comfortable with people reblogging, usually because it's too personal.

#ask bait - an ask game

#[triggering subject] tw - a standard trigger tag for various obviously triggering subjects

#friend - a close mutual

#dizzycourse - discourse tag (will often also be tagged with whatever discourse subject it is! You can block individual tags or if you want to see 0 discourse you can block dizzycourse.)

-

[dear-systems]

(this is a sort of scared vent/rant + tw sysmed and fake talk in second paragraph, posting or deleting is fine)

We're perhaps 90% sure we're system, my headmates all try and help me through doubt that comes but the frequent silence makes me so scared that I've made it all up and have started believing it's true. They say they're quiet because there's not much to say, our lives when mundane don't need much commentary. We all have chronic fatigue, which doesn't make us any more talkative. Our suspicions of being median and monocon are valid but it's scary because I've had someone else co-front before and yet. And yet the fear prevails.

My main fear is that me questioning and believing I'm a system will harm systems in of themselves. I don't want to think I'm part of the problem according to sysmeds, that I'm "fake" if in the end me thinking I was a system was a very complex attempt at healing instead. Of course there's no appeasing them, never will be, but it doesn't reassure me that my experiences can be used against others.

I'm so sure we're a system but I don't want to accidentally hurt others either if I'm simply out of my mind.

Even if you were somehow wrong, that would not harm anyone. Really. There aren't a finite number of "valid system slots" available, I promise. There's no way identifying as plural would hurt other systems- it is your identity, it doesn't affect anyone else. -Rain

[visd3stele]

modern Jily texting au blurb

summary: Lily is a newly published author and her story hits big. James is a talented artist. Texts and flirting never miss.

TW: none (well, not proof read, cringey? the first time writing something like this and it feels weird but I had to take this out of my system lmao)

stay safe on the internet, tho. don't meet up with shady people. make sure you're location is known by a close person. if something/someone makes you uncomfortable, you are allowed to back off and leave it at that.

A/N: I searched the username I used and found no one with that name, but if it's a glitch and there is an actual blog that I couldn't find, it's not based on them.

fanart credit to: I have no idea, found it on pinterest. Please let me know if you do.

masterlist and requests

Lily Evans smiled fondly at the shelves in the library. Standing proudly, her book looked back at her. The beautiful cover she never dared imagine until now. The touchable papers, more than an image in her mind. People passing her by, taking a copy in their hands and tucking it under their arm to purchase it.

It warmed her heart. Everything about her journey as an author. The reviews she read, the discussion she heard of her story. The fans simply enjoying themselves, escaping into her universe. And all the amazing art she was send. Talented people all over the world painted or sketched her characters and were kind enough to share it with her as well.

Lily jumped shortly when her phone beeped inside her pocket. Thinking of the devil, she mused to herself amused. Lily was tagged in another post. A beautiful art of her main characters dressed in halloween costumes. It made her laugh so much she couldn't resist reblogging it.

I absolutely love this! <3

Not a minute later, she received a message. Thanks so much, beautiful, it read. Of course, it was easy to be inspired by such a compling story ;)

Why, thank you! You're quite talented yourself.

After she typed the reply, Lily checked the id. The name prongsart next to a picture of a stag made her snort, but she had to admit, the guy knew his way with a pencil and a brush. There were some unfinished digital art pieces too. And a lot of them were based on her book. Lily doubled tapped each she could find. To be fair, the guy deserved it.

Validation, my love language. Came the message from prongsart soon after.

Really? You shouldn't doubt yourself. I love seeing my characters brought to life.

Great. Cool. I have an idea or two on how you could repay me if you're up for it.

Lily rolled her eyes at the phone screen. Scoffing at the bold implication of this boy, she typed quickly: Your work was voluntarily done. Payment isn't requiered.

True. But it's always welcomed.

Lily shook her head and sighed. Enough texting strangers for a day.

°•▪︎~▪︎•°

Sorry for being an arse the other day.

Lily's phone opened with the notification. The deer boy, as she nicknamed him in her head, texted her again. Attatched to it was a comic apology gif.

Before she could reply, another text showed on her screen: Do I get another chance?

Lily bit her lip, debating with her eyebrows furrowed and mind still a bit foggy with sleep. As a sunday afternoon, she allowed herself a lazy day in bed, drifting in and out of dreams.

Another chance to what, exactly? Because when in doubt, stole the time with more questions.

Talk to you and not come off as a creep

Are you sure it is within your abilities?

Tell you what: if I misbehave again, you can block me and I'd report the account myself.

I'd've blocked you anyway, don't need your permission. And how would I know you'll keep that promise?

Follow your gut? Lily chuckled lightly at his words. She has been told not to speak with strangers online, but this deer boy wasn't so bad. He made her laugh and his talent was drawing her in to him.

You want me to trust you? I don't even know your name.

James. James Fleamount Potter. And to make it even, I'm from London as well. College student.

Lily Evans dropped her body weight on her elbows, leaning on the soft matresses of her bed. She had all those information about herself made public when she became a bestseller author and the redhead writer couldn't help find James' oversharing rather cute.

Let me guess. Art?

Bet on it.

°•▪︎~▪︎•°

Lily and James were talking for over a month now. They found out each other's favorite movies, foods, their wildest dreams and biggest fears. She even admited to never truly come to terms of her and her sister's alienation from one another. And he shared the deep betrayal of a friend that led to a terrible accident to fall upon him.

I'm sorry for that. Are you better now?

Its fine Lily-pad. I'm sorry about your sister.

Lily-pad?

Well, if you call me Prongs...

I don't?

You should. Everybody does.

Weird. What's up with that, anyway?

There was a lack of response, the screen showing him typing for about five minutes. Whe James finally did sent his message, it was only a "long story" and a tired emoji.

Come on! Now I'm even more curios...

It really isn't something to drop over a writen convo.

That bad?

Not bad. Odd, maybe.

Lily has been waiting for a reason to see him for quite some time now. So, before she could change her mind lut of nerves, she sent him a quick question and went offline.

The next morning Lily woke up to a new text from James.

Can't have enough of me, Lily-pad?

The story better be worth it, deer boy.

Prongs*

Not until I know why.

Fine. Meet me in the campus, at the coffee stand. Sounds good?

Perfect.

°•▪︎~▪︎•°

James Potter's story proved to be wild and entertaining. And after that first date, many others followed. A clear path to a life long love. Who would have thought it began with one good book and a pretty drawing?