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xxavengingangelxx · 3 months

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Graves Defragged 2/?

Part two, y'all! Prepare to have your mind blown. Mine was. That is all :) Also keep in mind that this is how I see Graves based on my psych and criminology degree. You all might see and likely see him differently and that's okay! I'm guessing here. I'm not sure if what I'm speculating about Graves is correct.

Here we go! Not proofread :( I'm really, really tired tonight. Triggers for mentions of non-con and torture.

Item 11: Promiscuous sexual behavior = 1

C’mon, Graves is full of himself and narcissistic. He can have anyone he wants. I am hesitant to even give this a 1 given we have no idea what his sex life is like but I’m familiar with men who have similar personalities and they definitely bed whoever they want. Now, I happen to write Graves as heterosexual because that’s just how my mind created him (a lot of the story in Long Way from Home and Somewhere Only We Know were taken from some old stories I wrote where Warren Kole played a sheriff who was also a serial killer). But I sure as hell love reading him in all types of relationships!! 😉

Look at that man and tell me he and his men don’t get around they can’t get who they want. Sexy af.

Image credit: Call of Duty Wiki

There is a good (but dark) fic written on Ao3 that involves Graves non-conning a female citizen who happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time. Given the picture I have of Graves in my mind (he’s a monster!) I wouldn’t put it past him. But that's my point of view. Remember my version of Graves is dark, hence the warnings on my darker fics!

And KEEP…IN…MIND…his Shadows or most of his Shadows have no issues with war crimes. There’s NO TELLING what his Shadows did to female citizens in the homes they invaded. ☹ They’re nameless and faceless which is part of what makes them so terrifying (they’re also huge, okay? Maybe in more ways than one).

Item 12: Early behavior problems = 1

This is another tough one. We don’t really know anything about his childhood. But based on what we have seen with Graves I wouldn’t doubt he at least had issues managing his anger when he was a child/teen. His lack of morality might suggest that it’s something he’s had his whole life. A lack of fear, common in psychopaths, can also lead to early behavior problems because a psychopath’s limbic system is malfunctioning. It’s not built right. This in turn causes a lot of psychopaths to have no fear. No fear or acknowledgement of danger and certainly no fear of punishments.

This is similar to what we talked about above in the sections about lack of remorse and empathy. It’s NOT that Graves feels fear and ignores it. He cannot feel fear. His brain is not wired for it.

So let’s say you’re captive with Graves. Swinging at him doesn’t work, threatening doesn’t work, and actually hitting him only gets him to hit you back hard enough for you to at least lose partial consiousness or balance. If Graves is not afraid of you, not afraid of the repercusions of taking you, what the hell can you do to at least somewhat control his behavior so he at least shows more stable mood and hurts you less?

Positive reinforcement. Rewards. Psychopaths respond to rewards. Positive reinforcement means adding a desired stimulus. OC figured this out in one of my longer fics (although subconsciously) and gave in to sleeping with Graves. As OC became more and more compliant, Graves’s behavior became less unpredictable and less violent. If she were to act out again in the future, however, he wouldn't hesitate to at least smack OC maybe even in front of their son.

Positive reinforcement, guys and gals! Give Graves little tidbits of obedience and information. You’ll be playing him and he won’t even know it. But Graves is hella good at figuring out hidden agendas/intentions. So when he does (no, not if, when) find out, he’s gonna hurt you.

Negative reinforcement is the removal of an undesirable stimulus. This works with psychopaths but not in the way positive reinforcement does. So you can stop hitting him and calling him names but it won’t work as good as you providing Graves with positive reinforcement.

Remember Graves responds to money! That is a positive reinforcer.

Item 13: Lack of realistic, long-term goals = 0

Here we have another one that does not apply to Graves. Graves shed his Marine skin with a goal in mind. It might have sounded unrealistic but Graves pulled it off. He’s a billionaire with a PMC staffed with some of the most dangerous men on Earth.

Item 14: Impulsivity = 0

We touched in this earlier when we talked about behavior controls. Graves is meticulous, thorough, detailed, and precise. The big decisions are made with painstaking order/detail. We have talked about (and we can see) that Graves might have issues controlling his actions when he is angry. Piss him off enough and he’ll smack you (Whether you are male or female! Remember he was almost giddy when he was about to torture Valeria, a woman), I can almost guarantee it. At the very least. Piss him off enough enough and he’ll put you on the floor. Piss him off beyond that, you might have to spend a few nights in a hospital.

But Graves is certainly not impulsive when it comes to big decisions. He didn’t get to be a billionaire in charge of his own PMC with contracts left and right by making a habit of being impulsive with important decisions.

Item 15: Irresponsbility = 0

At least in my eyes! You don’t get to be where Graves is, as successful as he is being irresponsible. A business as successful as his is not one built on impulsivity nor irresponsibility.

In relation to this, I’m willing to be a whole paycheck of mine that Graves vets his men better than the FBI.

Image credit: Call of Duty Wiki

These men are so loyal they died for Graves without so much as a second thought while in Las Almas. Remember that I also touched on the fact that their loyalty for Graves goes past humanity and morality. I tried to illustrate this in a fic where Graves’s men have no issue torturing a female POW.

Look at that they did in Las Almas! They murdered citizens to include women and children. And like I mentioned before, there’s no telling what those men did when they invaded those homes before they killed their victims.

Graves didn’t like the limitations of the Marines. So why would he pick men with those moral limitations? Answer is he wouldn’t. He’d pick men who would do whatever he ordered them to do to whomever he wanted it done to. The only way I could see Graves maybe having some men with some morality is for SAR or search and rescue missions. He certainly does not want his ethically untoward men rescuing someone only to victmize said rescue subject on the ride back to the US.

Yikes.

Item 16: Failure to accept responsibility for own actions = 2

Graves is a pro at this, ain’t he? Remember the missle crisis he was indirectly responsible for? Instead of admitting it a whole clusterfuck of consequences cascaded because Graves and Shepherd tried to cover up what they’d done wrong.

Remember Congress? When Graves said he did not put 141 in danger? But you did, Graves (don’t tell him that…he might try to swing at you)! Your men shot first. Now, yes, Alejandro lunged at Graves. But nonlethal force should be met with nonlethal force. Graves’s men are loyal to a fault. When someone so much as steps too close to their commander, they shoot to kill.

And of course Las Almas! Those were hardcore war crimes being committed. And like I’ve mentioned before, I wouldn’t doubt that Graves’s men took a few liberties with individuals they found attractive in the homes they invaded. Not everyone might see it like that but remember the actions in Las Almas were meant to intimidate.

Image credit: Dan Allen Gaming on YouTube

And in some of the fics I’ve written where Graves victimizes OC, Graves blames OC for the torture she suffered, telling her that if she had just given him what he wanted to begin with (homing beacon codes to find 141) she wouldn’t have suffered at all. That’d she’d have no scars on her body and no mental trauma from what was done to her. He ordered his men to carry all that out and he watched it happen but OC, the victim, is responsible. According to Graves.

I think a lot of people really underestimate how dangerous and cruel Graves’s men can be. And yet, we Graves/Shadow Company fans have a certain affection for them 😉 Because to be honest, with all the shady stuff they do, who knows how many times they’ve saved the world. All without getting thanked for it.

Image credit: Shadow Siege Limited on Blizzard Entertainment

Item 17: Many short-term marital relationships = 0

We have no proof Graves has ever been married. It would be somewhat reasonable to conclude that Graves could be involved with quite a few sexual partners. But for marriage…we have absolutely no idea!

Item 18: Juvenile delinquency = 0

And let me tell you why. Graves was in the Marines and some positions in the Marines require a top secret security clearance. Graves’s involvement in military contracts certainly requires a top secret clearance and perhaps maybe a SCIF clearance. You cannot have any significant juvenile delinquency and be trusted with one of these.

Item 19: Revocation of conditional release = 0

None. He hasn’t been arrested (see above for my reasoning for no juvenile arrests). And if he was, I’d be willing to bet some highups in the military, CIA, and NSA would make his charges disappear.

Item 20: Criminal versitality = 2

Oh boy, if there was one item that described Graves it would be this one! This refers to the variety of criminal activity Graves is involved in. Well, we know he’s involved in some shady contracts that involve taking lives. He’s a mercenary after all. Technically, what Graves is doing, killing people for money, is illegal. Essentially invading another country and wiping a town off the map is highly illegal. Shooting to kill at 141/SAS is illegal! So not only is he involved in several types of crime but he is involved in crimes across countries, across the world.

With the money he makes, he hires nameless, faceless men with no moral compass who will then do whatever twisted deeds he tells them to and more. He also buys weapons intended to take lives for money, which is, of course, illegal.

Phew! So what does Graves score on the Psychopath Checklist?

A mere 20! The requirement for psychopathy in the US is 30 and in the UK 25.

According to Canadian psychologist Robert Hare’s research (and he’s done a lot) Graves does not quite rise to the level of psychopath. However, remember that we have very limited information. We essentially have no information about Graves’s childhood or early adulthood other than he enlisted in the Marines. With more information, his score could have gone up, remained the same, but it would not have gone down.

You’re probably like: ummmm…WTF?

And I’m with you! :D I fully expected for him to at least meet the cutoff! These posts I make are discoveries I’m making with you. I had no idea he would score so low!

Is Graves a questionable human being? You bet! Would you jump for joy if he showed interest in you (we all would haha)? But for real, he’s dangerous, he’s callous, and he can be really cruel. Just because he does not rise to the level of psychopathy does not mean he lacks remorse or lacks empathy. Those are still very real things that are part of who Graves is. This applies also to his lack of fear and his responsiveness to positive reinforcement.

Graves’s brain might look a little something like this:

Image credit: Quora (functional MRI or fMRI that takes images as the brain is working and seeing what lights up)

There is a lack of activity in the prefrontal cortex but that activity is not totally absent. Graves might let his emotions get the better of him when he’s one-on-one but overall he’s not impulsive. I'd expect to see a little more activity in his PFC actually. You’ll also see a lack of activity in a part of the brain called the amygdala. That is part of the limbic system, a more primal part of the brain. The amygdala processes negative emotions, which explains while men like Graves do not fear punishment or danger. He will, however, respond to positive reinforcement which increase endorphins, dopamine, and other feel-good neurotransmitters.

You can also see it below! There is high activity in the frontal lobe of the control as well as reasonably high activity in the limbic system. Jim's brain shows a lack of PFC activity as well as a lack of activity deeper in the brain in the limbic system.

Image credit: Rice University, Inside the Brains of Psychopaths

ONE FINAL BUT VERY IMPORTANT NOTE:

Psychopathy DOES NOT equal psychotic. They don’t mean close to the same thing. Psychopathy is mainly dictated by a lack of remorse, empathy, and fear. Psychotic means someone who is out of touch with reality. Think hallucinations, delusions, and so on. Psychotic people do not make good criminals. They’re sloppy and tend to get caught fairly quickly. A psychopath is super in touch with reality! The pick up on details and cues we do not. They do not feel fear and don’t care who they hurt, allowing them to move on with their lives. So if someone says: Graves is psychotic! You can say: ah-ah! Psychopathic :D

Y'all I'm very tired lol I hope you enjoyed. I FUCKIN LOVE talking about this stuff and I can talk about it forever! I can post soooo much more on Graves if y'all are interested :)

#graves x reader #phillip graves #cod mw2 #phillip graves x reader #cod mwii #cod mw3 #mw2 141 #psychopathy #criminology #forensic psychology #neurology

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victoria-rue · 1 year

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victoria-rue's Recommendation Masterlist part 2

Time for pt. 2. I've read more stories written by these amazing people but on my original masterlist it wont let me add anymore stories. So I decided to make another Recommendation Masterlist to acknowledge and spread these stories ♥︎

Recommendation Masterlist part 1, part 2, part 3, & part 4

Avatar

Jake Sully

FOOL'S GOLD by @emissaire

jake didn't expect that he'd open his heart again for someone else. after all, you were only meant to fill the space left by neytiri after she died. who's to blame him though? behind the vacant gleam in your eyes and the lack of brightness in your smiles, you're still good to him and his kids despite only marrying him out of convenience.

sᴇᴄᴏɴᴅ ᴛᴏ ɴᴏɴᴇ by @eywa-eveng

CELLOPHANE by @cyberfreaky

in which your taboo infatuation with your olo’eyktan begins to cause problems.

Miles Quaritch

I SEE YOU by @soulntes

that fateful day on pandora, the baby boy was sought out by the young navi woman has become the talk and whisper among the humans and village.

My Little scientist by @imliketheiceifreeze

Gaia Ambros is a botanist on Pandora in the year 2169 Who's fixation on a certain, notorious recombinant soldier gets her into more than a few troubling situations. Never able to pluck up the courage to bring her desires into fruition, a few 'helpful' lab techs decide to take matters into their own hands much to their amusement. However, no-one expected the romance that begins to blossom between the fearsome Colonel and a shy 20-something scientist, will this end in jeopardy for general Ardmoure's mission and will recombinant Miles Quaritch make the same mistakes as his predecessor?

Tsu'tey te Rongloa Ateyo'itan

I can be a better father by @byunpum

Follow tsu'tey in his new life as a single father of two human children. A compilation of moments and adventures of their lives.

Neteyam te Suli Tsyeyk'itan

hale by @psycholuvrgirl

someone from jake’s past helps the sully family navigate their stay with the metkayina clan. one of the sully boys takes a particular interest in the strange girl.

High Infidelity by @andraga12

Cruel Summer by @andraga12

You and Neteyam have been friends since you were children, and you taught each other everything, from English and Na'vi, to movie references and hunting, to everything about your own and the other's bodies. It was the perfect friendship-with-benefits, on paper. But how long can it last in the face of all that stands to tear it apart?

Of Duty and Desire by @bookworm551

You are the tsakarem of the Metkayina, promised to Aonung, and you have settled into your role nicely. Everything is as it should be until a family of Omatikaya refugees arrives, and the eldest son causes you to reconsider everything

Void by @nelissecrectplace

EXPERIMENT 56 (Book One & Two) by @byunpum

(Book One) Y/N is surprised that she is an indispensable part of the human race, being a perfect blend of Navi and humans. Her family will do everything possible to keep her hidden and safe.

(Book Two) Y/N thinks she has a peaceful life with her new family. But a sudden visitor is about to change her life and her family’s life.

Neteyam x Human reader by @justtryingtobecreative

Neteyam and Y/n have been best friends since childhood, but lately your big blue guy has been acting strange. It all comes to a head when the both of you have a bit too much to drink... and have to deal with the repercusions in the morning.

Lo'ak te Suli Tsyeyk'itan

STAR GIRL by @lovemyavatar

they say curiosity killed the cat, but what about an Avatar?

Take Me With Her by @normspellsman

~You Bare Your Soul to Me, so I Show You Mine~ by @ghoul-bonez

As the Tsakarem of the Txinua Clan you have to be responsible, you have to follow the rules, and do what you’re told, but you have always been adventurous, had a love for exploring the world around you. When the Sullys arrived you felt a shift, they were different, but a good different. Maybe this was your chance to get out of the village, to explore.

Ao’nung

ʟɪʟʏ ᴘᴀᴅ by @smoothielenny

(Y/n) is adopted by the Sullys after her mother’s sudden death. They had to flee the forest and move to Awa’atulu for safety. Everyone are hostile to your family, but they’re more hostile to since you’re a human. Even with these situation you always held your head high and don’t let them get into your head.

Forever by @normspellsman

Stargirl by @star-girl69

In the safety of the reef, you know no war. You spend your days running around with Tsireya and learning from her mother, the tsahìk, Ronal. You tease Ao’nung and Rotxo, failing to notice the lingering touches and the stolen looks. Ao’nung has always been one of your best friends. It was the four of you, Tsireya, Rotxo, Ao’nung and you. There has always been something between the two of you, something you were too young to notice. Maybe you were blinded by the stars, and Ao’nung was certainly blinded by you. His star, his best friend, his everything. You’re a stargirl, and Ao’nung wants to spend the rest of his life bathing in your light. When the threat of war comes and the Sully family comes with it, Ao’nung is forced to accept his feelings and win you over. There is no other choice, really, because what is he without his guiding star?

Refuge by @nelissecrectplace

Your family seeks refuge with the Metkayina clan. You are met with a boy that takes your breath away but you did not know the sadist that lived under those eyes. He was cruel and mean too your sibling and you so why did your heart still beat for him? Why is he more gentle when it comes too you?

Spider Socorro

Spider x Human/Reader by @spiderlvr06

After spider gets kidnapped he’s locked away into the interrogation room. That’s where he meets you.

Scream

Ethan Landry

Karma by @corpsebasil

Tag, You’re It by @perlelune

Stu Macher

My Boyfriend's Back by @final-girl96

YN is Sidney’s younger sister. She’s smart, beautiful, outgoing, and popular. She will be 17 in scream 1 and Sidney will be 18. She will also be in the same grade because she skipped a grade just to make it easier and she can go off to college with Randy and Sidney. When the events of scream happen and Billy is shot by Sidney at the end they also assumed Stu was dead as well seeing as he had a tv fall on him. But months later just school was coming to a close and they were getting ready to graduate and go off to college yn gets this feeling that someone is always watching her. The feeling followers her everywhere she goes. And the boy she thought was dead keeps coming back. She can’t tell anyone because she’s afraid no one will believe her. She doesn’t even know if she believes her own eyes.

Billy & Stu

Until We Found You by @slasherbvnnie

Tell Me All About The Dark Places You Hide by @pumpk1n-writes

in which the reader figures out that their best friends are the infamous Woodsboro Killers and decides to help them rather than turn them in.

Ghostface’s fan#1 by @loveandmurders

Basically it’s female reader being obsessed over Ghostface and they decide to not kill her because of that.

One Piece

Vinsmoke Sanji

she'll be the best you ever had, if you let her by @xlpoww

who are you to ask for more really? you had already been so lucky to have crossed path with the self proclaimed “future king of the pirates” why do you think you deserve to the heart of the best chef in the east blue?

Balders Gate 3

Astarion Ancunín

I See You, Darling by @easy-there-leftovers

A story in which an overworked art student longs for a fictional character that they've devoted so much of their time to. Alternatively; Astarion realizes there's someone else watching him. And he can't wait to get acquainted with them.

imagine by @darkened-writer

Harry Potter

James Potter

No Longer Yours by @singmyaubade

James had disregarded you for multiple years, but when you have an epiphany in your final year, how does it feel to taste his own medicine?

Stranger Things

Eddie Munson

Operation: Henderson by @ali-r3n

Eddie asks forces Dustin to set him up with Dustin’s older sister

Steve can’t know by @talaok

Steve is your overly-protective older brother that is very opposed to you frequenting the wrong crowd, and especially to you dating Eddie Munson.Still, when you meet each other one day at lunch,it seems there is very little he can do to stop the inevitable.

Steve Harrington

Home Sweet Home by @cumonstevie

"It's good to be home," you think as you arrive back in Hawkins, Indiana; not only three years older, but also as a mother.

Old Friends by @pythonees

𝐇𝐮𝐫𝐭 𝐅𝐞𝐞𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬 by @munsonson

𝘌𝘥𝘥𝘪𝘦 𝘣𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘬𝘴 𝘶𝘱 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘙𝘦𝘢𝘥𝘦𝘳 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘣𝘦𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘣𝘰𝘳𝘪𝘯𝘨, 𝘨𝘪𝘷𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘩𝘦𝘳 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘪𝘮𝘱𝘳𝘦𝘴𝘴𝘪𝘰𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘺 𝘫𝘶𝘴𝘵 𝘸𝘦𝘳𝘦𝘯'𝘵 𝘳𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘦𝘢𝘤𝘩 𝘰𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳. 𝘜𝘯𝘧𝘰𝘳𝘵𝘶𝘯𝘢𝘵𝘦𝘭𝘺 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘩𝘪𝘮, 𝘩𝘦 𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘭𝘪𝘻𝘦𝘴 𝘵𝘰𝘰 𝘭𝘢𝘵𝘦 𝘩𝘰𝘸 𝘣𝘪𝘨 𝘰𝘧 𝘢 𝘮𝘪𝘴𝘵𝘢𝘬𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘸𝘢𝘴

The Hunger Games

Finnick Odair

in our next life by @asterias-record-shop

Peeta and Katniss weren’t the first to fall in love after the games. That title went to you and Finnick, your mentor after you were Reaped at the age of fifteen two years after Finnick. After being dragged back into the Games with the Quarter Quell, you both are determined to stop it, no matter what- especially if one of you would gladly sacrifice themselves for the other.

Marvel

Bucky Barnes

My little love by @crazyunsexycool

For two years Bucky had enjoyed his new found freedom. He could go out whenever he wanted. No one was forcing him to do things he didn’t want to do. For the first time in a long time Bucky enjoying was falling in love. You had been the one to capture his heart. He was painfully oblivious that you returned his affections but he’d rather be your friend than nothing at all. You had been new to the Avengers team when Bucky was found. At first you had volunteered to help bring him in but you worried that your abilities to manipulate metal would make him keep his distance. You had been pleasantly surprised when that wasn’t the case. Now with every day that passed you fell more in love with Bucky, you were also unaware of his feeling for you. After a raid to a hydra detention center and the discovery of hydra’s new test subject, Bucky will have to confront abuse he didn’t know about. He feels like hydra still has control over him and he’s not sure what to do. When Bucky fell from the train hydra took away his chance at love and a family, now they’ve basically forced it on him. The new revelation with force him make choices he never knew he would have to make, he only hopes he can do the right thing.

Miles Morales

Right Person,Wrong Time by @littyhoney

you have always been there for Miles, will your long time crush ever pay attention to you…or not?

EARTH-42 MILES MORALES X Reader by @spyder-junkie

I just cant stop thinking of Earth-42! miles with a reader that falls for prowler first.

his girl by @redstarwriting

You and Miles met when you were toddlers. The two of you were neighbors, and would frequently draw in an alleyway just outside of Miles’ room with sidewalk chalk. The two of you got along better than you’ve gotten along with anyone else, remaining best friends throughout the years. If he wasn’t at your place, you were at his. You even managed to get into Brooklyn Visions Academy with him. You were a staple in the life of Miles Morales. Until Gwen came along. And now? It might be too late for him to ever remedy that. At least, in his dimension, that is...

Miguel O’hara

EL TRATO (THE DEAL) by @messylustt

— miguel o’hara has never liked you—a human—joining the team as the ‘person in the chair’. he’s made his distaste for you clear. but when he speaks certain spanish words you don’t understand, he reveals that his annoyance of you is by the fact that you make him feel ‘hot’. soon, a deal surfaces, his promotion benefitting you both.

𝐀𝐍𝐍𝐎𝐘𝐈𝐍𝐆 by @sillyblues

you overhear a couple of spider-people talking about you and miguel

what the f-!? by @carpecaelo

Peter B. Parker thought he'd never see the day Miguel could actually more than tolerate someone.

─ you're the sunflower ੈ✩‧₊˚ by @fxllfaiiry

everyone on the team loves you, expect miguel who seems to hate you more than anyone.

You? by @mcu-coworkers

What you thought was your love story ended up being one cruel summer.

The Last of Us

Joel Miller

Fall Into Me by @joelalorian

Joel is hanging on by a thread as a single father to a tenacious 10-year-old Sarah. Feeling like he's drowning, like the world is about to spit him out, he needs some help before he breaks in half. At your dad's insistence, you show up in his life and change everything.

A Helping Hand by @teacupcollector

As a woman who is pregnant you are doing anything if it means survival. Even so you found yourself in the wrong place at the wrong time, or was it the other way around? Now you are in the community of Jackson and you can’t help but attract a certain pair of hazel eyes.

BTS

Jeon Jungkook

day by day by @hansolmates

a series of drabbles about two best friends raising a child together

Ot7

Before I Leave You by @hollyhomburg

Someone always has to leave first; They just didn’t expect Yoongi to come back with a new omega (who’s clearly been through some shit).

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dragonfly0808 · 1 year

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For each character, what is your favorite thing you have created? (can be about anything like their past, personality, relationship, etc)

Bloom- her not being born with her powers but getting it from Daphne.

Stella- her taking a sabatical for mental health instead of blowing up a lab + being very serious about being a future queen while still keeping her charm. Also being the mom of the group but only when shit gets serious.

Flora- her newer powers and her storylines in general. Also her relationship with Riven

Musa- how she got her Enchantix and the repercusions of that. Also being goth/emo

Tecna- her family, her being from a farm and just the little things I added to show that most of her family is neurodivergent (her dad and Tecna herself are autistic, Naten has ADHD, her mom is hinted but not anything specific)

Aisha- mmm just her like… idk how to describe it her vibe? I love writing for her

Sky- adding to the weight on his shoulders and making him suffer

Brandon- his family and the reason why he became a Specialist

Helia- his backstory, personality and powers

Riven- his relationship with Flora and his character development

Timmy- his personality (slowly becoming just a little bit more confident and self-assured over time) and his relationships with Tecna, Bloom and Riven

Nabu- him not being a stalker and his new introduction as well as how he gets integrated into the group and his friendship with Tecna

#winx club #winx rewrite #winx #winx headcannon #winx fanfic #winx headcannons #winx specialists #winx headcanon #winx club rewrite #winx headcanons

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troutfur · 2 years

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How do you think OOTS could work out if Dovewing and Ivypool if they were Squirrelflight and Brambleclaw’s kits?

HMMMMM! Hmmmmmm!

I'm pondering this and I have to say I love the thought of putting Bramblesquirrel drama front and center in the arc in a way that makes it all more cohesive! My main beef with OotS has always been that while I like it on its own I always felt judging it as a continuation of Po3 it just doesn't make sense. Making them more cohesive in that way could certainly help.

I have two routes I could take this through:

Bramble doesn't disinherit his sons edition

...but he does his daughters.

An idea I really enjoy with Dovewing and her OotS plotline is the idea of having her childhood stripped from her for a responsibility that should have never fallen on his shoulder. There's the prophecy sure, but in this version it's also the idea of being the reconciler. While Jay and Lion are out there taking Bramble's side and being seduced by the dark influences of that side of their family like Hawkfrost and Tigerstar, StarClan takes it upon themselves to harrass Dovepaw into trying to heal the rift in hopes it brings the three all to their side.

In this way she takes on the burden of healing her family and ends up swimming against the current. Not even her littermate is on her side, too preoccupied with her own drama and jealousy that brings her into the DF's clutches in another way. In the end of course she can bring her parents to reconcile and her brothers to once again see their mom in a positive light, but at what cost?

She'll get her happy ending eventually. Perhaps not as Tigerheart's mate, perhaps it's through a positive bond Tawnypelt strove to create with her and she's welcomed as her niece, perhaps it's with a forbidden love in WindClan or RiverClan, perhaps it's as a kittypet. But whatever it is, I do think she has to step back from ThunderClan in the end, come to accept the environment she grew up in was toxic as hell and move on.

Now for a more wholesome option...

Brambleclaw DOES disinherit his sons edition

I know, I know, it doesn't sound better but hear me out.

In the version I'm imagining, Jay and Lion are snapped out of their tunnel-vision anti-Squilf sentiment by seeing just how much this whole debacle seems to flip a switch in Bramble's mind immediately. Not only is their mom pregnant, but ends up vindicated in her fears about the social repercusions of the secret coming out on Jay and Lion. They really can't argue with that and realize pretty quickly their initial betrayal at the secret being kept from them is small potatoes compared to all they stood to lose if anyone got loose lips.

So, in this version Jay and Lion are much more involved in helping their mom raise lil' Dovekit and Ivykit and I can even imagine them being granted them as apprentices. Dove and Jay and Ivy and Lion sound like potentially interesting pairs! But of course, the prophecy comes in knocking, it always comes in knocking to rock the boat with them.

Torn between their happy little family and this looming threat, Jay and Lion have to maneuver between doing what's best for their baby sisters and ensuring the Clans survive. Do they succeed? It probably ultimately ends a failure of some degree on the family side. But on the bright side I do see them settling into a more amenable status quo than canon once the dust settles. Mistakes were made, some irreparrable, but Jay and Lion will always be Dove and Ivy's big brothers and mentors and they can at least strive to fill the role better.

#I GOT SAPPY THERE #anyway #lovely question I love writing about familial drama and reconciliation and siblings #warrior cats #wc #warrior cats au #dovewing #ivypool #jayfeather #lionblaze #brambleclaw #bramblestar #squirrelflight

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blue-mood-blue · 2 years

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Ale really wanted to fight a werewolf.

Ale really wanted to fight a werewolf to tell Angelo about it later.

I wonder how often that happens? Ale has an interesting fight in the ring, and part of the benefit is the challenge, of course, most of the benefit is the pay that keeps them afloat for however long they stay in Silvershore... but some of the benefit is the rapt attention on Angelo's face. Some part of every fight is Ale cataloging every step, the careful preservation of each moment, memorizing it down to the details so he can get it right when Angelo leans in with those bright eyes and that brighter smile - so he can keep that attention a little longer.

Maybe he doesn't realize he's doing it. Maybe he doesn't consider why, beyond the way Angelo lights up when Ale gets close, beyond the little delight of having someone to share his day with. It's just something they do - talk about the day they had - and it's nice, to have something to tell Angelo that he'll appreciate. It's nice to have Angelo listening to him. Angelo listens like no one else does, with all of him, with the expectation that whatever comes tumbling out of Ale's mouth is worth his entire focus - and when someone listens to you like that, you want to give them something worth hearing, right?

So it's a routine. He collects fights to trade like coins for another stolen few minutes walking through the city. He trades them away by the second for whatever Angelo will give him in return. Whether he knows it or not, whether he allows the thought or banishes it to a place where he can deal with the repercusions later, he considers it a bargain for basking a little while longer in that smile.

#the penumbra podcast #tpp #tpp spoilers #second citadel #angelo #ale #i am definitely reading too much into it #but let me be soft

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mommyofkittens · 1 year

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A Court of Fallen Heroes: Chapter 6 - Decisions. Part I.

An arabic quote I read months ago that stick with me so far said: " Some say its painful to forget someone, other say it's painful to wait for someone. But I say, the worst pain comes when you don't know wheather to wait or forget. "

It made my body tremble with an unsettling feeling of chaos. My life was an untamed, catastrophic tornado since my parents threw me out of their house and suddenly, the situation went from bad to deadly when I got thrown here. It felt like I had a personal vendetta with life and the universal powers that controled us.

I've been here, with Niven's family, for almost two weeks now, working and trying to be useful. Half of what i promised myself to wait before I find the courage to kill myself. Not much changed, I just grew used to the wound I had in my sould. I had no new horizon, no signs from the deity that brought me here, no shooting star to make a wish upon. Nothing. Only my pathetic body to count on.

My old lifestyle was just a reminder of what I never cherished when I had the time.

So I took what I had at this moment, considered the time I had left as well, and made the best of it so far.

Every morning I woke up around 5 a.m., disturbed by my dreams. The potion Nimue gave me helped me grab with force some shattered pieces of my previous mind. I can remember faces better, my old university and one single name: Nadia. The girl I talked lastly on the phone before I got pushed here.

Altough the medicine had some good parts, it had repercusions as well. While I gained more knowledge about my past, I forgot other dear to my heart details: my father's eyes, my mother's voice, the smell of my cat's hair.

There were moments of clearence, when I watched the crystal empire of the skies and a fugitive image of my dad's irises runned through my head. Other times, I listened to Cynthia's soft voice while she hummed a sad rythm, and tears stung my eyes as I recalled my mom. When Misty was around and climbed on my dress to find her spot next to my chest, underneath my clothes so she could get warm, I used to sniff her furr and close my eyes so I can picture Icarus's joyful personality. I grabbed with my nails whatever small detail mended my bloodied heart.

But those where passing moments, fast as time itself and they were rare and prone to be forgotten easily.

Sometimes I even had this feeling that maybe I can't go back because my life there was finished. I had no purpose anymore, nothing to give and nothing to receive. Other times, I hopped I was more useful here, working for money, feeding the animals, helping the people from Thaibar as best as I could.

But feeding the pigs and cleaning Nimue's desk wasn't something I felt blessed about, either. I wanted more. It was hard to believe that everything was a damn coincidence. I fell into a book, for god's sake, one full of magic, of adventure, of wars and a little romance. I had to do something for this universe.

I bought some other clothes as well, at Nimue's request to stop looking like a homeless cowgirl, and learned to style my hair in braided buns, so I could hide its colour better from curious eyes. Everyone warned me about my looks several times, and I grew a little conscious about my complexion. Not to mention the three rosy digits, forever imprinted on my cheek. A parting gift from the sly deity that sent me here. Even with several hours of working under the sun, my pale skin refused to get darker and I received only red spots of sunburn. Nimue offered me a potion to darken my wine tinted hair, so I could go unnoticed by the palace servants and mythical creatures who roamed the forests.

To no avail. The red dye was hardly getting replaced by the jet black one. The change would last until the next time I washed, when my hair would reject the color, bringing back its shiny burgundy. It was like he had a mind of himself. Not to mention the fact that it seemed to grow with the same color, not my natural chocolate brown. So we all grew use to it and I learned to put a handkerchief around it.

I started to help Cynthia around the farm every morning. Sometimes I cleaned the kitchen, other times we washed clothes by the river and chatted, like mother and daughter. I started to deeply care for her. I felt like she filled a part of my mother's empty space with her peacefull presence. She wasn't her, but it helped me ease my pain, little by little. She taught me some of their traditional dishes: fried venison, lamb soup, pork sauce with mushrooms, bread.

I even got the courage once and described her the person I was in love with. Of course, masculinizing her, and she laughed at me and advised me on how I shouldn't jump at every flower he brings me. That I should have my nose high and let myself be chased, to test his patience.

" A man who desires you should leave everything behind and follow you like the light of his eyes. He should kneel only to you, pray to you like you were his saint, his goddess. Never settle for less, or you will have a miserable life ahead. "

I would listen carefully to her words. I was still a newborn in this world, basically, and I craved every piece of instruction so I can learn to manage. I wasn't going to tell her that I knew everything she told me. I learned enough from my mother's miserable marriage.

We got along good, but from time to time, a dark cloud covered her eyes and she would watch me and ugly cry, without saying another word. Her face would distort in a silent plea and she would shiver violently, like the cold claws of death sank under her skin, dragging her to the Underworld.

We were alone when that happened, and I didn't know how to react so I hugged her through her episode and whispered that I will be by her side, no matter what. Cynthia would sob heavily, making my body tremble as well, and she would clutch my arms like she was about to drown in her sorrow. It worked, rarely, but when her mind was too absorbed by her thoughts she whimpered like a baby:

" I won't be here anymore... You'll have to carry yourself without me. I am so sorry... I beg you... Please give me your forgiveness... "

" I trust him... That man tied to you by the tongue of Death... Trust him... I promise you... Don't run from him anymore... He is your fire, that man surrounded by darkness... "

Then her vision would clear and ask me what happened, with no memory of what she said. I never told her either. She seemed quite unstable and I was afraid I'll make her sadder than she already was. So, I always resumed in only cleaning her face from tears with my blouse, smiling as sweetly as I could. I lied to her multiple times, but she disturbed me with her words and I always tried to forget so I could move on with my task: searching for a way home.

Only I knew what lied in my heart every time I heard that. It made me wonder if my crashing here was actually meant to be. If I had a role. Nobody told me anything, but I never had the courage to ask, either.

The worst part was that I started to love them, slowly, surely. They all were dear to me and I tried my best to thank their kindness by sharing my hardly earned golden coins, buying dresses and shoes, flowers for Cynthia and even cheap jewelery, like an iron sun I gifted Niven a few days ago.

Even Shum and I got along. Some days better than others. We wouldn't talk much, but every small conversation was polite and innofensive. He let me take care of the mare, and it was more than enough to burry the hatcher of war. But even with his nice behaviour, I felt him off.

I was always super sensitive to people's energy, I could feel their emotions, I could read them fast. Back home I used this gift to learn and read tarot cards for me and for my closest people. I felt like my intuition was helping me guide the reading session. It seemed to work.

Instead, here, my higher self was always alert every time Shum made a move. He seemed to focus all of his attention on me, as if he tried to combust me with his gaze. I often felt his presence close behind me when I went to work. I didn't know what he planned, but I knew it wasn't pretty.

The horse felt better and better. She could stand on her own and ate more than any other from the stall. Her black hair was always shinny and her growing muscles were visible under her dark skin. I treated her eczema and her external and internal parasites with several creams and herbal remedies. I washed her properly from time to time to keep any mosquitos away from her other healing wounds on her hooves.

The stallion became sweeter, playful even and when Shum gave me his permission, I went with her on walks around the fields, holding tightly her ropes. She loved to be kissed by the sun, she loved to feel the grass and smell the sprouting linden trees. As time passed, I started to love her like she was my adoptive child. I could always hear her gretting when she saw me opening the door every morning, with a bucket of food for her. The mare would let her massive head down, waiting for me to kiss her nose and brush her long hair. Misty would follow us like a faithful guardian, jumping on the horse's back when mud stained her silver furr on our walks or watching me as I cleaned the mare.

I usually kept long conversations with them, and when we were alone, several miles away from the farm, I told them all the stories I remembered from my past life. Sometimes I would cry, as I felt the stallion's merciful brown eyes on me, like she could understand me and pitied me for my suffering. The cat would climb onto my lap and catch my tears from my face, silently acknowledging my fears.

Niven became my sister quite fast. She would gossip about everyone in town, about whatever her family did that annoyed her, about her past boyfriends and how they had no idea to please her. I would cringe and laugh, telling her about the memories I had, adapting them to this world. She was gracious, pure-hearted and such a good soul. Sometimes, her desire to help every lost spirit made me worry for her safety. I became attached to her more than anyone else, loving her like she was my family. I was around her equally as much as I was in Nimue's shop, preparing medicine.

Once, when I hugged her, I remembered she resembled one of my dearest cousins from my old world. I knew her name on an instant, Claudia. They had the same dark looks and pale skin. I clutched her to my heart even tighter, fealing a piece of relief in my chest.

I wondered why I still didn't have the courage to ask her about a library, to tell her my story, how I got here. I wanted to know more about the world beyond the ocean, about Prythian, about the seasonal courts and their High Lords. Maybe that way I could figure out the time inside the plot I fell into. But it was never the right moment and I was always so afraid of being rejected.

Aoife was like the younger sister of Niven and I. We would always meet in Thaibar when I got myself a pause from Nimue and visited her store. We would talk about her family, about how her mother's situation was getting worse. I asked her to bring me to her once, so I can consult her, see if I can give her any medicine without making Aoife pay for anything.

I knew she lived in a less than modest inn and that she was the only provider. Their living space was tidy and smelled like fresh dandelions, but it could trigger claustrophobia for the ones faint of heart. Even so, there was enough space for a chamber with two beds, the main room was also the kitchen and the place where they would bath. I laid my bag on the rusty table next to the simple clay vase filled with fresh flowers. There were three chairs, covered with a brown sheet so it could cover the cracks. Her windows where half painted with something that looked like glue, a pair of worn out red curtains covering them.

Her mother's illness, Lydia, was quite advanced. She would be delusional most of the time, talking nonsens and walking naked around the house. When she first saw me, she bowed deeply, her forehead touching the ground and chanted a prayer like an obedient nun.

It took me by surprise, even if Aoife warned me about what I was about to encounter. I blinked a couple of time, shaking the surprised figure off of my face and I smiled swiftly.

" Like mother, like daughter. " I complimented, searching her blonde locks and deep blue eyes.

The girl was a devoted image of her mother. Both small, with a slender figure and elegant features.

Aoife approved with a tiny gesture, her heart-shaped face holding a sad mine as she watched her mother's sanity drifting between her fingers. After I asked a couple of questions and examined the woman myself, I had a strong feeling she dealt with what I used to call in my old world: schizophrenia.

I would have said that maybe dementia or alzheimer could be involved as well, but it was not only a short term memory loss. Her odd way of acting, how she saw things, how she spoke to someone who was not in the room, all of these were more common for this type of mentall illness rather than anything else.

Her mother was not with us anymore. She was lost in her own world and only a miracole could help her.

" I'm afraid her mentallity is trapped inside it's own. " I explain, taking an elegant shaped bottle from my brown bag, " Pulling her outside of the dimension she made to protect herself might be dangerous for more than one reason. "

" Can you be more specific? " Aoife pleased, placing her small and slim fingers on the table. " I know she's crazy, if your words are just a sophisticated way of saying it. I need to know if there's something I can do to either ease her pain or heal her. "

She had been working at her flower shop and cleaned in a hurry when I came. Her wrists and nails were stained with mud and bits of grass and she radiated earthly tones of perfume, mixed with chrysanthemum.

" I'm afraid she has no sense of pain anymore. " Speaking, I sting her mother's bare foot in several places, watching as her lost expresion never falters. " Her illness might be a protective mechanism against a traumatic event. Did she experince something like that? Do you remember? "

The woman smiled at us, wide, crystal blue eyes piercing us both, like she saw something floating around. " There is so much gold! I want that in my pockets! Oh and those tongues of Death!... " Lydia rocked her thin body from side to side, laughing like a naughty teenager. Her clothes were disheveled and a few sizes too big for her sudden lost of weight.

" I have no idea... " Aoife frowned, examining her mother causciously. " She was like this before my father left us. The only people that know are probably Niven's father or Nimue, as she was the one to tend to her. "

Ah, great, so no one I could ask.

" Alright, I'll see what I can find out and depending on that... Maybe we can find a way to help her. "

The blonde laughed soflty, brushing a tear that escaped from her peacefull eyes and embraced me. " That will be wonderfull. Even if you don't find a solution, only the fact that you were willing to help means so much to me. "

I smiled, holding her shoulders in my hands. A sudden thought passed my mind: I used to hold my lover like this before.

I broke the hug, like her skin burned my hands and rushed to give her the bottle. " When she starts having her episodes, pour a few drops in a glass, enough to fill the bottom, then water. It will calm her and she'll sleep soundly. "

" Thank you, again! "

Something caught our attention outside and we stilled in the position. The noise made by a large crowd seemed to grow bigger and louder as they aproached the door to Aoife's place. It seemed like a revolution started on the streets and they wanted to burn all the houses.

A few expresions passed our faces as we tried to decide what to do.

In my humble opinion, I had no idea what a noisy crowd could mean here. In my dimension, this was either a protest or a wedding. Here, maybe someone sold his daughter and was throwing golden coins or someone was getting hanged publicly. Two different ideas I gathered from two different shows: Game of Thrones and Outlander. And francly, both of them had too much sexual assault for me to stomach.

With a growing fear inside my bones, I tried to decide if I should be the one to check or let Aoife be the bait. I studied her for a few seconds, taking in her tiny silhouette and angelic features, just two of the reasons someone would jump her with no remorse.

It wouldn't be fair to her. It was her world and I had a dying wish. And between the two of us, I was the one with a scar on my face. I was the one to check.

I put my index on my lips, gesturing to remain silent and I moved closer to the window curtains.

Lydia started to clap and laugh. " Mother, please. " Aoife asked, grabbing her from the bed and trying to hide her in another room.

Peeking slowly over the glue paint, I only saw the streets swallowed by men and women, pleading and cheering. Colors of brown and black blocked my view, like a plague covering Thaibar. It seemed like a funeral. The image of that old man being beaten to death by the guards appeared before my eyes, the hollow and sick looks the people gave him as he drew his last breath before me.

" I don't think it's safe. " I announce and must the courage to open the creaking door just enough to throw an eye outside.

Aoife comes to my side and studies the events from the town.

" A royal parade? " She questiones, both in awe and horror, pushing past me.

A royal what?

Several dark knights walked proudly through the corridor made of people, sharp swords on their backs and the royal emblema shinning on their iron shoulders. They looked terrifying in their black costumes, with their face covered, spreading a smell of death and blood in the air. Some of them had arrows as weapons and I couldn't help but wonder if it was the famous ash wood that poisoned their edge. Their horses seemed as dangerous as they were, with red pupils and dressed in heavy armours. They seemed wild and aggressive, their galop loud and synchronised.

" I don't think it's wise to get out. " I whisper, trying to grip her arm and pull her back inside

The same hole digged between my lungs as my fingers roamed in the air, unable to find her in time.

" Who's that? " Aoife asked again, standing on her toes to see over the peasant's head. " I have never seen him inside the palace. "

As I stepped next to her, I locked our hands together. Alarmed, I studied the people passing, overwhelmed by the loud shouts and the amount of information coming my way. My intuition told me to run far away from that demonstration of power, but the blondie's feet were deeply rooted inside the earth.

The first one I saw was the new king. Or at least, the one I suspected to be, thanks to the massive, golden crown engulfing his chestnut locks. His sharp face held a machiavelic expression, filled with victory and superiority. The man's trimmed beard and moustache was perfectly alligned with his high cheeckbones and black eyebrows. I felt like his beauty was speckled by harshly cut features: small eyes, straight eyebrows, angular mouth and a square chin.

He didn't wear any armour, only a fine tailored brown and gold suit that matched his tanned complexion. It looked like a cheap version of the High Fae's.

" Is that the king? " I whisper in Aoife's ear and she approves, ducking her head so she wouldn't be seen by him. Her eyes remained locked on the stranger that followed close behind the crowned man.

I raised my head and something inside me stirres. Red alarms rang inside my brain while I try to get a grip of my balls before I faint. It was like a deja-vu, eerie and unbelievable. I knew this man or... I felt like I knew him.

The first thing I noticed over the sea of humans was red, a natural dark red, slightly auburn when the few sun rays hit his hair. It was kept at the back of his neck, leaving the long strands to carress his round shoulders. His face was long and arrogant, slightly ducked, so he could see every dirty peasant who asked for a few coins. Moving slowly, he dug his left hand inside his horse's bag and threw a fistfull of money in the air. His thin eyebrows frowned at the disgusting image of humans searching the mud.

He was noble as well and the colours of his tailored jacket were more than enough to guess who he was. This, and the grey morality of the character visible even now, by visiting Hybern. Green and orange, embroided with heavy, shinny buttons. He must be Eris Vanserra, the heir of the Autumn Court.

I swallowed and checked the dark handkerchief around my head. What should I do? He might be my ticket to Prythian, to my possible salvation. But how the fuck would I get close to him with so many guards and the high chances of getting fried by his powers. I wasn't even sure that going to the other continent would help me much, who would listen to me there? What was I even going to say?

" Hi, I fell from the sky. Please help me get home. "

It was a possibility though, even if it meant to start over...

Of course, if I made it alive there, if I convinced Eris, the shadiest motherfucker from the series, with dark morals and high standards. Why wouldn't he make his way with me, trick me, then leave me like trash, nailed to a random tree? He was a Fae, after all, and I've heard enough not to trust him at all.

But he did make it clear in the series that he tried to help Morrigan by breaking their engagement.

I pressed a thumb to my temple, and focused on him. He was not a bad man... fae, whatever. Maybe...

Pull yourself together, you're acting like a child!

" Lower your heads! " Nimue materialised from thin air, dragging me and Aoife away from the show.

" What's the matter? " I asked, almost breaking my legs on the slippery streets.

" You adore being the center of attention, little demon? " She snickered, pushing us inside her shop. " The man from the Autumn Court eyed you for minutes on end and you didn't even had the shame to avert yours. "

" I was... No, I didn't realise... " I started to apologise, rubbind my hands.

" Maybe he was watching me. " Aoife said, gathering her dress and peeking out the window again.

" No, that gruesome king was watching you. That's even worse. For fuck's sake, stay away from the window! " Nimue screamed, grabbing the girl from her shoulders and pushing her aside. " You wouldn't want their attention drawn to you, trust me, these are fae creatures. They are aggressive and possessive, and really, really powerfull. What bussines do you have with him? "

Aoife opened her mouth, but quicly closed it, ashamed.

" Who are they? " I asked, trying to calm my breath.

" The king's name is Draegan. He is a bastard who crowned himself and his mother after his father died during the war from Pryhtian. "

" Who killed the last king? "

This, this was the piece of information I needed to be sure of the timeline.

" There are three sisters, the youngest one is the first High Lady in history. She reigns with her husband, Rhysand, over the Night Court. The first and second born sisters beheaded the King of Hybern. " Nimue confirmed my suspicions, giving me a solid point of where I was.

So I fell in the fourth book, or somewhere right after the third.

" And the redhead? " Aoife pursed her lips, swirling a blonde strand on her finger.

" He is the oldest son of Beron, the High Lord of the Autumn Court. He is heir to the throne and is very, very unpredictable. " She wiped the concerned look from her face and shushed us.

There was no doubt of what I had to do next. Risky or not, I had to talk to Niven.

When the voices of the crowd slowly died, Nimue pulled two black cloacks from her drawers. " Both of you go back to your houses. Don't come outside untill tomorrow. Draegan is mad enough to put spies to follow Aoife if he caught his attention. "

We circled the working table, filled as always with books and potions, and went to the back door.

" This will help you leave unnoticed. Take Aoife to the farm. " Nimue commanded, her lilac dress swriling aroung her feet as she hurried us down the dusty path. " We'll meet after the weekend passes... Hopefully. "

I stared back at the woman, noticing the concerned air surrounding her. A bad taste filled my mouth as grey clouds covered Thaibar, drowning the houses in a darker haze. A growing fear held my breath hostage between my rib cage as I studied the Countess's beautiful features. Deep down, I felt like it was the last time I would see her sour face.

" Go! " She hissed again, throwing her hands in our direction.

I bit back my anxiety and made a few steps behind. Our eyes met and in that weird moment, a cryptic thought passed between her mind to mine.

The iminent sense of danger.

I took Aoife by the shoulders and put her head down, just as a shadow moved above the houses. Nimue's lips moved quickly, whispering, then blew the air upon us. I felt my skin tingly, like a thousand bugs crawled and nipped at it underneath my dress.

" I feel so damn itchy. " Aoife started, scratching her face and neck, " The Countess has lices?! "

I shake my head and push a finger between my lips, telling her to be quiet. As I moved my hand in front of my vision, I catch a glimpse of my aged, pale skin, covered with patches of darker spots.

" She glamoured us... " I murmur towards the blonde, feeling the gravity of the world pulling me inside the magma center.

" She really is a witch. "

And the magic does exist.

The child inside me danced with joy at the simple realization. Peeking again over my hood, I saw my master talking to two tall men. The third one was coming after us.

" Aoife, someone is coming after us. Follow my lead. " I whisper, falsely tripping over the uneven road. " Oh... Haha, silly me, Gertrude... "

The girl watched me skeptical and I nugged her with my elbow, " Your knees might be better, sister, but I took my father's vigorous genes. "

Her laugh scratched my ears, sounding like a veritable crow.

" Ladies. " A rough voice caught us from behind and we slowly turned, putting a hand over my hunched back.

" Oh, look Gertrude, maybe you won't die an old lady after all. "

Understanding shines in Aoife's blue eyes, and the satisfaction of the game crosses her now old face. " Shut up, you old hag, you know I've always liked blondes. "

I could feel the knight's smoldering gaze even through the iron mask he wore over his face. The man was at least two heads taller than Aoife and I, and his oppressive energy was like a knife in the back of my neck.

" Ladies... " His voice was tinged with a hint of cunning and brute force, as if he had also trained his vocal cords to resemble his massive body.

" Miss! " Aoife corrected him, brushing her now white locks with her bony fingers.

The man looked back, as if he could barely contain his irritation, then turned to us, " Have you seen two young women walking around the village: a blonde, works at the palace and another wearing a blue headscarf? A few peasants said they came to these fields. "

I can feel the muscles in her face tighten, squeezing my forearm tighter. Her eyebrow twitches, but she manages to keep her innocent appearance.

" Sir, I can't see with my right eye and, obviously, the left one is crooked and suffers from glaucoma. I'm practically blind, I haven't seen anyone. " I laugh loudly, then suddenly stop, faking a backpain.

" I can see... I won't keep you from your work, then. " The knight's dumb joke didn't pas unnoticed. As he left, he did not bid us farewell, nor did he look at us a second time and hurried to the witch's hut.

From the distance, I catch Nimue's lilac eyes staring at me, and a slight warm breeze ruffles her brunette hair.

We're fine. I try to tell her through telepathy, as if my magic would just pop out of nowhere.

" Actually, sir, I think I saw something. " Aoife finds herself speaking and I can barely keep myself from throwing her off the hill, " The blonde is preparing to bury her mother, it seems she died last night. She was going to the forest to collect flowers, but I have never seen the one with the headscarf, can you describe her better? "

" Unfortunately, all we know is that she always covers her head and wanders around the village. The king thanks you for the information. "

We both turn to our way and walk slowly to the forest where the parties were organized. When we are surrounded by pairs of tall trees, I pull down my hood and stop Aoife. I didn't even realized that spell had dissipated, so now I could look at the young version of the girl.

" What was that? " I question, pulling my hand from her wrist, " What was with all those explanations? What if we got caught? "

Aoife doesn't answer right away, instead she takes a deep breath and tugs a few strands of blonde hair from her head as she combs it with her fingers. She spins around a patch of grass, aggressively trampling over a handful of healthy marigolds, good enough for making tea.

" Aoife, please stop... " I speak again, much calmer now, and put my hands on her shoulders, turning her face to mine. " I can help you. "

The girl's physiognomy had completely changed: from hope to sadness, from ecstasy to agony. Tears stood on her lower eyelids, clinging to her blonde eyelashes.

" I'm pregnant. " Her testimony hangs between the leaves, long enough for me to process the information.

" With who? " I manage to keep my face solemn, trying hard not to make her go back into her shell.

She doesn't answer me, but puts her hot hands over my palms and sobs jerkily. I remember our first conversation, in which she acknowledged that working at the palace was not all about cleaning and servitude.

" I asked about you because I wanted to know that being seen with me won't put you in any danger. If you change your handkerchief you will be fine, but I... I must either erase my own existence from the earth or someone else will erase it for me. " She puts her hands on her pelvis and falls slightly to her knees. "I'm so sorry, but I can't hold you, you're made with a monster..."

I wipe a few drops of newly formed sweat and suddenly feel sick. Her child was made with Draegan, hence those languid looks, her searching, her desire to get into someone else's bed to hide whose child it really was.

" If you're sure that's what you want, I can help you. " I admit as I sit on the ground next to her small body, then cup her face between my dusty fingers. " As long as the pregnancy is not far enough, I can help you get rid of it. "

My mouth felt bitter talking about an unborn child like that. I didn't know which one was a more appropriate term for abortion: 'to kill him' or 'to get rid of him'. In either case, it sounded as if we were talking about a parasite, not a being in the process of becoming.

But all these aspects were held by the age of the pregnancy: if it was less than a month or two, we couldn't talk about a life. It was very much an embryo, no heart, no lungs, no first breath, it would have been like any failed pregnancy. But if the child was much older, four, even five months, we were about to kill our first human.

" A few weeks, three, maybe even four... "

" Can I take a look? " I ask her cautiously and examine her abdomen as much as possible through the thin dress she was wearing, then feel her belly carefully.

Everything was imperceptible. I couldn't tell just from a physical exam how advanced the pregnancy was. For a proper determination I had to separate her legs and look with a candle in her vagina in the middle of the forest. It wasn't medically ethical. But, again, nothing in this word was ethical.

" I'm going to speak to Nimue as soon as possible to give you an abortion medicine. You must remain under her care for a day or two to make sure that the embryo is safely removed and that we can stop any bleeding that may follow. "

" I can't pay you. All my money went to my mother's treatment. "

" You don't have to, I have some money. I know Nimue. I'll solve it for you... "

I bite the inside of my cheek, thinking about the bag of golden coins I'd painstakingly gathered during the weeks I'd worked for Nimue, waiting for me inside the nightstand that was now intended for the few clothes Nivy's mother made for me.

I always had a little selfishness in me, I hated sharing my material goods and food with my younger cousins. Being the first niece in the family, I had to offer to others, without my will, much more often than I would have liked to. I was often left without the things that I enjoyed or with too little of them to satisfy me. That's how I ended up underappreciating myself and eating much less at our dinners, so that I could leave more to my parents. I thought about how they always worked to maintain our family and how they needed much more strength than me. The same thing occured with my younger cousins. If there were more of us at the table, I would take the wings, to leave the rest of the chicken to them.

It was a small sacrifice for the things they gave me over the years.

My father also taught me to save money and to avoid buying too many clothes, books or other things that in his eyes were useless. He gave me a small business from which I made enough money to be able to support myself and not rely on him anymore. It was not always prosperous, it mostly depended on the season, summer and autumn, when wine was made and people needed to preserve it over a longer period of time.

Of course, other people appeared to whom I would have given my flesh in exchange, but they could only be counted on one hand: my mother, my girlfriend and my cousins from my mother's side. So no, I couldn't say that I would give my skin for my father, even though I knew deep down that he had done so much for me. The emotions that connected us had either rusted with age or dried up and petrified due to the many painful misunderstandings between us.

" I'll find a way to pay you back. " Aoife sighed, wiping her eyes with the lining of her cloak, " You may think it's horrible that I have to give up the child, but I have no financial situation, nor a good mental state. I can't raise a poor, innocent soul to be happy. "

" Don't think of me as an executioner. I am not putting a stigma on you and I don't see you differently. As an apprentice in medicine, I appreciate your rational side and I will try to help you as best as I can." I try to calm her down, while brushing her blonde strands that had stuck to her wet cheeks, " If it makes you feel any better, I would've made the same decision as you. You don't want to see your child barefoot like the ones in Thaibar. Let's just hope that he too will understand this when you both reach the skies. "

From an early age I was taught, or whatever, I taught myself not to show my feelings: not to cry, because I would be weak and annoying, not to be happy, because in the next two seconds my father was going to crush my happiness, not to ask for bicycles, phones, laptops, because I would be constantly yelled at about the sacrifices he made for those money. All I had to do was wear the sickly smile, stuck with force in the middle of my face and a sterile dessert in my soul.

However, my heart silently ached whenever I was hurt by those around me. Now, hearing such words even about an embryo that was going to be cut off from any chance of becoming a child, it shattered in my chest, throwing its sharp glass into my stomach.

I place a hand on my own uterus, thinking about my words. I never wished for children. I wanted to live the life I didn't get until I was 23 years old, happy and without worries. I liked saving animals and taking care of them. I loved giving my hard earned money to adoption centers and volunteering there. I loved nature and theater, old music and opera. I could appreciate absolutely any kind of beautiful art and I could be cerebral at the same time. I always fought for what I loved, a living proof was my relationship from my old world.

Would I be able to fight for a living for my child? Did I knew enough to teach him as well? Where would I get the money to dress him, to buy him something to eat? Could I offer him a roof to protect him from the cold and the rain?

No. And I think that's what Aoife was thinking now.

" Come on, get up, clean your face, we have to get to Niven and stay at the farm. " My words pass by her while I try to lift her from her mohammedan position.

Sobs came uncontrollably from her already dry lips and her hands were shaking. She raises her eyes, now blue as the depths of the sea, and opens her mouth several times, trying to convey something to me.

" Shh, shh, we'll be fine. I promise. "

The girl places a hand on her sternum, burying her black fingernails in the white shirt she was wearing. I wrap my arms around her and rock her back and forth, like my mother used to do to calm me down.

" After I kill my child, I'm going to sneak onto my uncle's ship and go to the continent. " Aoife explained, her voice barely rising through the broken sobs. I remain frozen, with my ears glued to her head.

I don't know what shocked me more: the words she chose, the frankness of it or the fact that she had a chance to leave.

" Where do you want to go? "

" Far from Prythian, on the northernmost continent, right near the shore where many immigrant ships anchor. There is a place where only women and a few children are allowed to stay. " She watched me with a spark of hope. " Not many people know about this place. It's a refuge for all species of creatures, protected by several layers of spells. Rosehall. "

Rosehall. Rose-Hall. Another name I had heard of but being such an insignificant detail, I had forgotten about it.

" You should run away with me. I can feel you don't belong here. "

A second passes as I stare at her, with my mouth half opened, waiting for her to admit that she knows who I am and how I got here. I slowly roll my eyes around, waiting to see the farmers coming out with pitchforks and hammers from the trees. Not only was I an outsider, but I also had red hair. A flame for moths. And I also admitted that it was okay to want an abortion. Some people would torture you alive just for the last mentioned aspect.

" What do you mean? " I ask cautiously, raising myself slightly in a more advantageous position for running away.

" To be honest, I don't know what I wanted to say either. It's just that... " She looks at me carefully, with warmth, as if she knew me for a lifetime, as if she had seen in my soul something that no one has read before. " Don't mention this to anyone, but either I have a vision problem or I inherited it from my mother... I can see colors around people, my mother used to call it an 'aura' and yours is something I've never seen before : a dazzling gold, as if you were the daughter of the Sun incarnated in a mortal form. You are the first and only one so far. "

I blinked a few times. A lot of compliments in one sentence. They were compliments, right? Golden aura, daughter of the Sun, the only one with such a color. Should I feel special? Because if the answer is yes, then I was definitely totally in the wrong direction. I wanted to make myself small and unimportant, as I was two seconds ago, before she told me what a strange color I have around me.

Thinking about it, Lydia did mention something today: enough gold to put in her pockets, tongues of Death. Was this all connected?

I believed Aoife. I've always had an unbreakable faith in supernatural things, chakras, wicca stuff, crystals, tarot, aura, palm or coffee readings. How many times have I been with my mother to a weird old woman to make us reads in coffee beans. And above all of this: I fell through layers and layers of worlds, piled on top of each other. I could believe anything at this point.

I was also very sensitive to the energy of the people around me. I could feel them from a kilometer away with what intentions they came towards me, who is bad or good, who is hidden or just introverted. I didn't take it as some superhuman quality, but only as a repercussion of the traumas at home when I learned to recognize the person by the steps and developed my peripheral view.

" You'll say I'm crazy. " She stated, aware of every expression written on my face. Of course, my eyebrows had risen to the middle of my forehead, but I couldn't control myself. "My mother could see the Shadow People roaming around Thaibar late at night. You've probably heard that you shouldn't go near the forest unless you're in a very large group. It's good that Nimue and Niven's family warned you to cover your hair: these creatures have a weakness for stunning, red-haired women."

" No, I'm sorry, I take your word for it. I've also seen enough in my life. Thank you for trusting me. " I smile at her and try to pick her up. " Before we leave, can you tell me if you see anything else? You know, in my aura? "

Aoife seems caught on the wrong foot, but she quickly balances herself and frowns, as if she is trying to move an object with the power of her mind.

" No. I've tried before, but I keep bumping into something when I want to dig deeper. It feels like you have a shield around you, sometimes they appear like sharp, shadow tongues. They intertwine in a thin thread with your aura and they go somewhere, but the trail is cut, like it was severed. "

I nod, half satisfied, half confused. I take her forearm in mine and gently lead her down the treaded path that led to Niven's family farm. The road through the woods was a very devious way to get to their house. It came through the back of the village and led to a large door, hollowed out in the surrounding walls.

I glance at Aoife out of the corner of my eye, weighing on my tongue the question I've been dying to ask her ever since I heard that her uncle has a ship. This meant two things: if Aoife managed to filter herself in, either she could help me too or women were allowed on board as well. It was my ticket out of Thaibar.

Of course, I had to think about several things if I wanted to run away with blondie. Well, if she ever let me come with her. Where I was going to go, money, how to reach the characters I knew from the book and how to persuade them into helping me. And all of this only if someone doesn't suddenly decide to kill me in all the other stages. I could get my hands on a map of Prythian. What I couldn't do was get to Velaris, where many of the Inner Circle spent their lives.

Let's not talk about the fact that sexual assault here was something that occured often inside every court I had to cross to reach the night one. And not only that: it was the killing factor, as I said, thieves, creatures and faes and I had close to zero military training to deal with them. I didn't know how to handle a knife beyond chopping and cutting herbs and meat, I didn't know how to fight with someone. I only knew how to struggle and hope that I manage to do some damage. They had no guns here, just bows or swords or daggers. And on top of that: I had no powers to use.

It was phenomenal how I had fallen into this universe, survived the crash and received no special power, no unique ability. Nothing. I was just a simple healer.

The only thing I could use to my advantage, if I was going to travel, was to search through Nimue's manuals and get myself some poisons, sulfuric acid, something that could have resembled firecrackers or bombs, and all this had to be carried in a purse and in sufficiently resistant containers.

Dear good. How complicated it was to get back to my own shitty life. If I must say one thing: I don't even know why I'm fighting so much to get back. No one was waiting for me except Icarus, and my life was as precarious as here. At least in this world I had something to eat.

I raise a hand to massage my temples and sigh.

I didn't know where to start the plan and where to end. My mind was broken. What I needed now was a second opinion: Niven. I was determined, today I have to talk to her, to convince her that I'm not crazy and that neither is she and that I'm not from this world.

" Something is bothering you. " Aoife observed, who now seemed a bit more relaxed, " Is it about our discussion earlier? "

" Not at all. I promised that I would help you and I will do so. It's just..." I grimace, refusing to look at her, focusing my gaze on Niven's house from a few steps away. " If you were to leave, as you said, can I come with you? "

Aoife measures me from head to toe. Someone calls us from afar.

" I thought you were happy here. Why would you want to leave? "

" You were right when you said I'm not from here. I have to find my way back home. " I confess as I stop on my tracks, my black cloak sweeping the ground around me. " I can't stay here forever, I need help and I think I can find it on the continent. "

" You mean Prythian or the northern continent, right? " Aoife says cautiously, her blonde hair shining brightly in the light.

I lightly nod my head and see her understanding passing in her eyes. "Something happened here... "

" Girls, you're on time. Some of the workers from dad's church brought some bags with books they found there. " Niven speaks excitedly, moving her gaze from me to Aoife, who were staring at each other. " Um, since mom has work and Shum is away, I was thinking you could help me organize them and take them back when I'm ready. Did something happen? "

" I think Cyan has something very important to tell us. "

I finally look at the most important person in my life for the last few weeks. My savior, who was either going to think I was crazy or kick me out. Sweat was running down her temples and upper lip and the sleeves of her gray shirt were up to her elbows.

" Niven, it's time to tell you the truth."

" You finally found the courage... I have been waiting for you to talk to me. "

P.S.: The chapter is not fully edited. Tomorrow part 2 is up. ❤️

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kagami--uchiha · 1 year

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Aftermath

(I am sorry, I am going to go full blown hurt with this.. Like full full blown)

Kagami was good at hiding. He was even better at concealing how badly he was hit during that rather nasty fight.

Though he was glad it was him and not Jun, who was still young and full of plans for the future. Purposfully he made it so that he would take care of the redheads wounds, patching them up with that unwavering smile of his, showing a kind of calm that was sure to give the young nin some safety, reassurance.. They made it out alive and they'll be back to the village with no losses taken.

Or so he wants them to believe, to take strength out of the circumstance, yet all the while... He could feel his life force seeping out of that particularly nasty wound, he could feel how slowly his toes and the tips of his fingers started to tingle with the loss of sensation. How there was that cold sweat forming on his forehead as he tried to stay focused, stitching a wound that he prevented from becoming a lethal one.

And that's the way it should be.. The old generation being a shield for the younger, giving them a chance at a life they shouldn't have to lead.

Fire cracked in the background, the log collapsing into it's own structure and Junpei probably could feel that something his horribly wrong. Because, Kagami was barely finished when attentive eyes took notice of the soaked clothing, slowly weeping into the ANBU-armor he still had on. Of course they immediately knew this was an awful sign to see.. Even more horrible as they pushed their guardian onto his back with panic in their eyes.. It felt too easy to do so, like guiding a baby into a sleeping position, which gave their eyes a familiar sting, but one they didn't need now. Not now.

The older Uchiha felt the panic in how trembling hands tried to undo the piece of armor, even more so when that shirt easily gave in to being ripped apart, giving way with that awful wet sound that drenched clothes tend to make, only to reveal the true extent of the injury their guardian had received. Endless 'No's' fell from shivering lips as Jun gathered together all the medical supplies they still had left, trying to still a wound that had already betrayed them so much. And as he was pressing down compresses, trying to force the blood to stay, it was that already cool hand of his guardian that made him gasp.

"It is not your fault... remember that." It was horrible to hear the gentleness, overshadowed by raspy breathing. "But make sure... to get back home alive, promise me.. and do not-... ever forget that you matter... and that I loved you."

No that is not what Junpei wanted to hear, not like that anyway, not in a way of taking a last goodbye from the one who had given them a true home, a place of safety, something to always return to without being afraid of bad repercusions. To someone who had always met them with smiles and even took their mischief with a laughter rather than scolding them for every little misstep. They didn't even want to accept the thought of returning home to not only feel themselves falling apart from the abscence, but also having to see how the man who loved him would fall apart too. WIthout voicing it, Junpei decided that leaving was not an option for Kagami, for the man he secretly but proudly called 'Dad'.

Consciousness might be fading from that tired Onyx eyes, but determination was not leaving the redheads heart, waking up every ounce of medical knowledge they had to dress the wound, focused to stop the precious liquified ruby to leave this body any longer. Tears still stung in their eyes, but still their stitches were precise, "Don't fall asleep on me now, Dad.. Please don't." And surely Kagami could still hear their voice, desperately reaching towards him through the fog that his mind was becoming.

There were visions of light, visions of a female stepping down from the light of the sun and holding her hand out towards him. Beckoning him to leave behind any kind of pain, to let go of the earthly bonds that held him there. And oh was he tempted... So tempted to finally forget the pain his soul ha been in from the beginning.

So tempted and yet he just closed his eyes, avoiding to hear her calling his name, to let himself be laid to a well deserving rest.

He was still needed, he could feel that... But he could also feel how this battle took every ounce of will to life.. Took every bit of strength left in him to not just fade away.

"Please, stay with me.. Pease stay!"

#mushroombitchboy #TW blood #TW Lethal wound #TW implied death #But is he dead though?#We might never know!! :D #longpost

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gorefetishizer · 1 month

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I doooont wanna be seen as a human nor a cute little animal anymoreeeee if it didn't have repercusions i would a 100% kidnap and kill someone also i wished my lil sister was actually blood related to me and bodily a. You know what I'm regreting writing this down already

#SOMEONE COME KILL ME ALREADY IM TIRED OF LIVING WHILE LYING ALL THE TIME

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imtiredprobably · 10 months

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Are you scared?

Actions are life. You wake up in the morning, open your eyes, sit up on the bed, and start. Your day just started. Are you the type to stretch your arms until there are dots in your eyes? Are you the type to look at your phone for 15 minutes? Maybe look at the wall? Breakfast on the bed or cook some high-protein alternative to waffles? What are you, if not your actions?

Maybe you are the kind to sit up from a nightmare and decide to work, ignore it, or talk it out. What does fear make you be? I know I don't make decisions I want to take when I am scared, but they are still my decisions. When was the last time your decisions killed someone? Maybe they have always killed you in some sick and twisted way you couldn't comprehend.

Your fingers touch the air the wrong way, your hand is too harsh against the water, sounds feel overly meaningful when they shouldn't.

Maybe your actions are too pragmatic. Ridden by trauma and a fear of wasting your limited time, wasting the little freedom they told you you would ever have.

Are you scared of yourself? I don't remember the last time I wasn't. I am too dull, too bright, too harsh, too soft. Maybe I am just not engaging enough. Too many mistakes to consider good writing, too many words to say enough.

It seems like every word needs a repercusion. When was the last time my words hurt me?

Sometimes I get closer to myself and I flinch back. I have been too much for everyone.

Do you want to be too much for someone that loves you?

Your husband gets up from the bed and you stare ahead with the knowledge he might never be able to see you. Can you be loved without being seen?

Do you want to hurt the eyes of someone who adores your shade?

Fear is a powerful tool. It rushes to my head and convinces me to shout, scream, take.

My actions define my people. They decide who likes me.

My actions handcuff me to the bedpost and tell me to shut up. As my body moves through the room, I am scared it will hit my face like a lover would, like a husband would. My fingers graze my check too meanly.

(Bright, harsh, soft. Dull.)

My gasping breath hits my face so meanly it makes my skin feel wrong.

I grasp my thigh and I scream out for me to stop, and I don't, because I am mean.

I am too much. When I am chained to a bedpost I roam around the room in search of something to hurt.

I am alone.

I act as my own lover so that when someone tries to love me, I will know how the softness in my eyes hurts.

The dullness in my speech will become my burden, and the brightness in my skin will be opaque so as to not hurt their eyes.

The harshness of my love will hurt no one because I love myself.

#tw vent #vent post #poetry #writers on tumblr #writers and poets #extended metaphors #poem #writeblr #writing #creative writing

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sleepyivoryrose · 1 year

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Today was my first day of trying to fit again into society (it sounds like a was a prisoner or something...) I went to a center where mentally ill people gather to talk and eat food and stuff...it’s organized by my caretakers. It went about as well as I expected, which is, not so good. I just wanted to sit out the one hour I was supposed to without talking to no one at first (I thought this might not be too difficult considering most people there are +20 years older than me, so the generational gap is strong) but I just had to sit beside the socially starved, extremely extroverted person in the room, who’s very first question was “where do you live?”, which is not exactly a good conversation starter. Considering that most people there are in a worse state than I am mentally, I shouldn’t be surprised.

Anyways, I bailed after half an hour. I should have stayed longer and really go to my limits, but I was really not in the mood for a conversation. On the other hand...I’m seldom in the mood to talk with other people, unless I’ve known them for more then 5 years every single day.

I’ll try monday again.

Considering I am such a frikkin weirdo, it’s probably not easy to talk to me, either.

Talking about caretakers, they’re teaching me how to do house chores. Very late, I know but...I never really learned when I was a kid from my parents. I mean, I did do some housechores at home, just not...everything. And my mom loves teaching about moral and ethics, but is not a very practical person for such things. It’s not laziness...at least not always. I’m just really good at blending out whatever I don’t like. Which was a necessity to survive my bullying days, but on a day to day basis as an adult it’s rather annoying.

---

I watched Oshi no Ko and Skip to Loafer again, like every Friday. Oshi no Ko was really dark, as always, but I think this time specially. Cancel culture is so real in this day and age. I bet it gives emotional scars. It’s very easy to jugde from behind a monitor, when you don’t have all the facts and weren’t even there. I am not a stranger to that either though, it’s so easy to write whatevers on your mind down, in a place where you feel safe, without the feeling to have any repercusion whatsoever. I’m working on it though.

Skip to Loafer I always watch after Oshi no Ko, like a palette cleanser. I think else I would lay down on my bed, gaze fixed at the ceiling with a “real shit”. Although I have to admit, Skip to Loafer is getting spicier. Not on the level of Oshi no Ko, I think that would crush my very being if such a cute show happened to be torture pron (cough madoka magica cough). But they left this episode on a cliffhanger, so I’m curious. I don’t think it has its own manga...or else I would spoil myself a little bit. Just a little bit. To get the tickling off my nuts.

My friend showed me a few minutes ago a caterpillar her mom brought into the car (by accident, I assume) and I thought it was rather cute, but my friend was hellbent on using it to tease her a little bit. It’s nice.

---

I wasn’t thinking about going out today, but maybe I will. I’ll decide spontanously.

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jujutsuflavoredpeach · 2 years

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PART II - AS HE IS

Pairing Inumaki Toge x fem!reader Other characters Okkotsu Yuta, Zen'in Maki, Shoko Ieiri, Itadori Yuji, Fushiguro Megumi, Choso, Tsukumo Yuki, Master Tengen Content angst, hurt, longing, anger, struggle, love Warnings jjk MANGA SPOILERS, CULLING GAME SPOILERS, self-loathing, mentions of blood. Note LINK TO THIRD PART >>﹢PART III - AS HE IS﹢ ❀ ¡Hello there! Here's PART II of AS HE IS. To be honest this was never in my plans, but that's the beautiful thing with writing. If you are here because you read PART I, I thank you so so much from the bottom of my heart for taking the time to read my stuff. I think this one's a little shorter, idk, I never pay attention to those things. There will be PART III, so if you are enjoying this as much as I do, I invite you to stay tuned for more. ¡Hope you like it! ❀

Maki, Yuta, Megumi, Yuji, Choso, Yuki and you were now standing in front of Master Tengen, at the Tombs Of The Star were he resided.

The repercusions of the Shibuya incident were far too great and Noritoshi Kamo had created a game out of the renmants of the catastrophe he had caused. A sacrificial ritual in pursuit of the evolution of humanity.

"The Culling Game."

The group layed a carefully made plan while going through the rules explained by Master Tengen, as you had no choice but to participate in the game.

"Well, that's the info we've got." said Maki "Now we each have a role to play."

Yuki and Choso would remain with Master Tengen, and Maki would return to the Zen'in clan to collect all the cursed tools. The group was shorthanded, so Yuji and Megumi would have to go out there and recruit some people, whilst Yuta would hurry up and join the game so as to gather more information, being on his own again.

"As for you Y/n, wha-" Yuta cut himself short seeing as you were standing a little far from the group. You had listened to everything, of course, but your eyes felt swollen and stingy from the incesant headache. "¿Are you okay?"

You didn't reply, you couldn't. It was like your brain was overexerting itself by the stimulus of something unkown that was trying to break through your thoughts. Yuta realised you were struggling, the group needed you, but you needed to go back to Shoko. It was clear that Toge's actions could severely affect you and the side effects, whatever they were, were getting worse with each passing hour. The thing is, he knew you wouldn't back down in this situation just for some headache.

"Now that I think about it, Y/n, you should stay." he said with a smile as warm as a beam of sunlight and a friendly hand on your shoulder.

"I'm sorry. ¡¿What?!" you looked at him incredulously. Everyone turned their heads to see what all the fuzz wass about. "¿Are you insane? ¡As if!"

'¡Tschk! This won't do.' Yuta sighed in defeat.

"Actually, that's not such a bad idea." said Maki from her place. "We have a major ally here at the school that needs our protection and Shoko is healing him. He needs time to recover as it's a slow process, so you'll stand guard for him."

"Maki." Yuta gave her a look. The rest didn't know what had happened between you and Toge, so in saying that, Maki would only raise questions that would resort in having to tell more lies for the sake of your mind's preservation. Fortunately, they were too busy, still talking to Master Tengen.

"It's okay, just trust me." she quickly said under her breath.

"¿What the hell is going on? ¡Ah!" you said squeezing your temple with three of your fingers, applying hard pressure to try and soothe the throbbing pain.

"¡Hey! ¿Is she okay?" Yuji asked taking a step closer to you, but Yuta rapidly turned around and started talking to him about the tactics they had planned to face the game.

Maki showed you a face that meant business this time. Even if what was going on outside was more urgent, she'd have to leave you at the school and pray that Shoko could help you. Sooner or later you'd have to declare your participation in the Culling Game, as refusing to doing so would result in death.

Toge was also on a race against time.

"Look, before I leave I'm taking you back. You heard what Master Tengen said and I can't have you out there like this. Something needs to be done."

You were looking at her attentively now.

"Our guy is a Semi-Grade 1 sorcerer that uses cursed speech technique. He is a major asset, so this is a crucial part of the plan as well. Making sure that he recovers in the least amount of time so that he can join our group, same as you."

"¿What happened to him? ¿What's the scoop?"

"He lost an arm due to Sukuna's Domain Expansion technique."

"Lucky." you said raising your eyebrows.

"Yup. Now let's go, we need to leave asap."

You nodded at her command and were leaving the tombs, way ahead of the group already. "¿You think this is okay?" Yuta approached Maki with concern written all over his face. "This needs to be sorted out. I know Toge, you know Toge, and he won't be going anywhere before he fixes this mistake. Besides, now it only looks like a migraine… ¿But what if the effects of the technique end up ruining the rest of her brain? It's being constricted against her will Yuta." "You are right. I guess we'll have to leave this to them. They'll catch up to us." he said with a reassuring smile. "Yes, they will." Maki replied with a slight nod.

Toge was in his room. It was quiet and somber. He looked ghostly, shrouded in darkness. Thinking of you. He heard noises coming from outside the building and quickly looked at the window to see the group leaving campus. Maki, Yuta, Yuji, Megumi… ¿Where were you? His brows furrowed and his face darkened, thinking that maybe you were not in a good state after the blow caused by the impact of his technique. 'She just had a headache. That's all.' That's what Shoko told him when she went to check up on him after a couple of hours. It didn't matter how many sentences and questions he wrote on his little notepad, her answer was always the same. He had no other choice but to believe her though, if something bad had happened to you he would've known by now. He went back to bed thinking about what would you be doing at that moment. He knew about the game and how everything had gone even more to shit. The guys were strong, he needed to get stronger and you were a goddess of combat, but- The wall of his abdomen tightened even more with each breath, feeling drowsy.

'I could've killed her. I could've-' He heard a couple of soft knocks on his door. As soon as he opened it, there you were. A vision. Somehow you always managed to look impeccable in your uniform, and your creative ways had his gaze nailed to every curve on your body. You always stood out, with your squared neck sleevless mini dress. You wore a shirt underneath, and the pin engraved with the school logo on your left side, right above your chest. You loved your knee-high stockings, and the look would always be finished with a pair of high combat boots. That brief section of your thighs, between your socks and the hem of your dress, were his constant reminder of one of the fleshiest, most juiciest parts of your body that he had always dreamed of grazing with the tip of his fingers. Your long wavy hair released these little electrifying, hipnotic sparkles that continued to feed his gaze. He swore he could feel these little vibrations that were coming out of you with each of your breaths, fully embracing his own blood-pumping muscle. You totally owned his heart. You were still standing there, with eyes as bright as stained glass. Flushed, arms crossed behind your back. Toge noticed your pink infused cheeks becoming much brighter. The soft, padded flesh reminded him that he was only wearing a snuggly white zipped hoddie with nothing underneath. His athletic build was on display for you. His body was solid, well defined and proportioned. His purple eyes were gleaming, and his skin looked so creamy and moist under the white lights on the corridor. He had to have you right then and there, your body against his naked, swollen chest. He needed to feel like you were not entirely out of his system, he wanted to finish before he even started. The need to put himself back into your body was driving him crazy. He wanted to be eaten up by you and never leave that little nest you had for a heart. The one who had taken such good care of him.

He needed you to take a bite from his honeyed lips.

The lights flickered all of a sudden, and your aspect had changed dramatically. You looked so worn, fragile and lost. You didn't know who he was anymore, you were a stranger, and the realisation made his eyes fill with stinging, burning tears. He needed to tell you that he loved you, first of all. So he stretched the only hand that he could towards you, laying it on your cheek with his thumb rubbing against your warm, tender flesh. 'This way, you are going to be just fine. I'm sorry, I'll keep you safe from now on. Remember me, please.'

He was so sorry and he was broken. As empty as your mind was now of his memories of you and him.

But he had to try, he had to do this so that you- "¡Toge!" You'd remember him if he just pressed your lips to yours. Then you'd see that- "¡Toge! ¡Damnit!" Everything would be fine, 'cause he was right there. "¡Inumaki!" you yelled at him right after you separated from his kiss. Blood was gushing out of your mouth while you gasped frantically. "¡INUMAKI, WAKE UP!" Toge jerked awake, with the cold sweat of a nightmare running between his shoulder blades. Your crimson image had left him scarred and full of fear. Panic spread on his face like a wildfire.

Shoko was right there holding him by the shoulder. "¡Put someting on! Y/n's not okay, we need to figure this out or I'm afraid-" Toge pushed past her and started running in the direction of her office.

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