#y'all better start talking or I'm going to start thinking it was never about men being survivors too

[elaemae]

The premium version of human is here to wreck house, mfs.

[Twst x Obey Me!AFAB!reader]

CHP.3

CW: Same as before.

PREVIOUS CHAPTER: PROLOGUE 2

FUN FACT: You were just about to remove your unbelievable amount of jewelry and go to sleep when the dark carriage appeared in the middle of your room.

You didn't notice because you were busy tryna reach for your bangles but then you were suddenly yanked by the hair into the carriage where you quickly lost consciousness from the strong sleeping magic inside. That horse got no chill, wtf..

This is one of those times where you need to channel out your inner Belphegor.

Be loveably infuriatingly bratty and murderous at the same time.

Turns out, you were yanked by the hair and shoved into the carriage by that creepy looking horse because you were "chosen" by the dark mirror to attend their oh-so-prestigious college. (Move out the way Harry Potter, there's a new chosen one in town—)

So you decided to stress these fuckers into bringing you back to where their unhinged horse first took you.

You don't have to be a genius to know that if any of the brothers notice your disappearance, there can either be a war or a bloodbath. It's either one of those things or both of them.

So as you were freed and guided in front of the mirror by the bird-man who you've come to find out was the headmaster of this oh-so-grand college that you've never even heard of.. you side-eye the Mr. Boutta-sell-yo-kidneys guy that tried to take your bangles before you faced the mirror.

'...Hmm? Who's this?' You think, as you look at the person half-hiding behind the mirror.

They seemed to be quite nervous as they gave you a small wave, earning them a smile from you.

The headmaster seemed to be confused about them for a second but quickly remembered something as they called upon that person.

It seems that Yuu, quite a confusing name they've got also desires to be sent back to their home as they said they had responsibilities they must fulfill.

Nice.

Twinning with your problems fr.

It's like you two looked at each other and something just clicked.

Like, Omg we're both kidnapped by a school filled with hot men and forced to be their unpaid therapists, Slay gurly~ 💅🏼 sry it's your inner asmo talking.

You decide to let Yuu be the first to face the mirror so that they'll get home first.

Ah, aren't you so kind and patient?

You don't know anything about that mirror, so it's best that you let someone else have a go first to see if it's safe.

Sorry Yuu, we may have clicked but I don't know if I can trust any of you right now.

It's too risky.

If we ever meet again, I'll treat you to a meal in hell's kitchen as compensation.

Thank Belphie for my trust issues.

...

...Huh.. The place that Yuu belongs to "doesn't exist"?

What a strange response... This damn mirror better not give you the same words lest it wants to be melted out of existence via hellfire.

You can see the dudes behind y'all who turned out to be the housewardens of the dorms of this school start whispering to each other like some nosy aunties on a regular sunday morning.

You gave reassuring pats on Yuu's shoulder after they went back beside you, getting a shaky smile in return.

"I'm sure that it'll be okay.. Their dark carriage took you so it must have the capabilities to take you back, right?" You whispered to Yuu, trying to keep them from panicking as you notice their breaths starting to quicken.

"People in distress are prone to being exploited and manipulated by others. Breathe slowly and calm your mind." You lean closer to their ear, rubbing small circles on their back.

Panicking won't help anyone. You had to learn that from experience. Now you just want to make sure that Yuu doesn't have to.

You may be alright with using this new acquaintance of yours to verify the safety of the mirror, but you won't stand by and watch them expose their vulnerability to a group of people that haven't really made a show of good morals they might possess.

As the headmaster guy started going on a rant about how "tHiS hAvE nEvEr hApPenEd bEfoRe" you keep an eye on the five housewardens dudes, seeing as those guys were eyeing you and Yuu lmao💀 like they were looking at some weird... thing.

Except for the shady mf who's looking straight at you with his weird-ass smile.

Really giving you the impulse to sock him in the face again.

(Oh, and also that tablet that kept taking pictures of you thinking that they were slick when you can hear the click every time a pic was taken.)

The headmaster then guided you to the mirror, mumbling pleas for the reflective object to work properly.

"I... I seem to be unable to reach the place that you call home.."

The mirror spoke, troubled and seemingly confused.

Yuu peeks at your face, before paling and trying to get closer to comfort you the way that you did for them, only to full on try to tackle you when you bring out your staff to try and break the damned thing.

If you can't bring me home then maybe I can take your power and do it myself.

MEANWHILE...

"There are traces of what seems to be teleportation magic as well as a smidgen of sleeping magic mixed in, on center of MC's room."

Solomon stated, glancing at the people sitting around the big oval table inside Diavolo's castle.

If anyone else saw the attendance in this little meeting of theirs, they'd have a heart attack.

I mean, when will you ever see representatives of the celestial realm mingling with those of the devildom, the human world and the grim reaper in such a serious manner?

You'd think there's an intergalactic threat on the loose if you ever see their expressions..

But that's the thing.

You weren't there to see them.

That's the problem.

Someone or something took you away from them.

Those connected to you via pact can still feel your emotions and connections through your pact marks but nothing more.

At this rate, they worry that you're too far to reach because they couldn't get to you through their pacts. Where could you be?

The only reassurance they have that you're fine, is your candle in Thirteen's hands.

The last string of reason they have that is keeping them from drowning in their grief and anger.

The burning flame of your candle gave them comfort and fueled their determination to bring you back into their arms.

Don't worry MC, we'll bring you back.

No matter what it takes.

← Pr. 2 | Chapter List | Pr. 4 →

I'm tryna sketch my MC, but it's taking a long-ass time.

Elae: Hope y'all enjoyed this chapter y'all😊

Don't forget to like, comment, and reblog guys, it really helps me out :3

See y'all next time~

(still tryna figure out tagging)

@leviathans-tail-scales

@f0uerleafedcl0ver

@a-traveling-void-human

@pumafiredraw

@lunasakuravalentine

I tried to tag all of y'all but it won't work for some reason :c

[sevensoulmates]

Season 7 Press Article Buddie Analysis

Okay I don't usually write meta/spec on press runs/articles but I found these super fascinating today, especially in comparison to how the showrunners (including Tim himself) and the actors have spoken about their arcs in the past.

First I want to say that in these interviews the goal is never actually to give the audience any important information but rather to tease, and purposely be as vague as possible. So most of what they're saying will likely have double meanings and all of them are being extremely careful with the words they choose to say. Now with that out of the way in the first EW article (linked here), I found several things extremely interesting.

Calling Marisol Eddie's "Hardware store flirtation". It's so funny to me, for one, but it's also interesting that that's all she's reduced to. A flirtation. I know that was really all they were in the last season, but we know Marisol's involved (likely minorly) in at least 2 episodes out of the first 5. Natalia on the other hand is for the most part understood to not be coming back (I would honestly be surprised given the actress is in NYC). But what's even more interesting is that Marisol is not mentioned anywhere else in either of these articles, meanwhile Oliver WAS asked about Natalia. So, I want people to keep in mind that in whatever way Marisol IS a part of this season, I SEVERELY doubt she's making it past the finale.

2. This answer about Natalia is your typical non-answer but to me, it's basically a confirmation she isn't coming back, which lends a tad bit more credibility to Tommy potentially stepping in as a LI for Buck (fingers crossed).

3. Buck is apparently called in to help talk to Christopher about dating women. Do I even really have to talk about how weird this sounds? Eddie had a whole WIFE? He dated Ana for many many months. He's currently dating hardware store flirtation Marisol right now. And yet, Ryan is claiming that Eddie feels like he doesn't know how to talk to his son about women? Enough so that he calls Buck to help? Talking to your kid about dating is a new avenue yes, but why are we acting like Eddie has never been with a woman before? Like I know last season in particular emphasized that Eddie isn't the best when it comes to dating but like ??? I swear to GOD y'all it's giving such severe compulsory heterosexuality. Eddie, my man, I hope this is indicative of where your story is going this season because it's been heading this way for many many many years. Separately, I also find the lack of mention of Shannon very interesting as well.

4. Which brings me to this part. The whole family dynamic aside...Buck's romantic relationships have been severely questionable at best the entire show. Before Abby, it's canon that all Buck did was sleep around a lot, which doesn't seem like something you wanna tell a young teen dating for the first time. So what's he gonna talk about? How women flee him? As I saw someone else say on the timeline "are the successful relationships in the room with us"? This is especially odd if the spec is true and he and Natalia broke up off-screen prior to the start of the season. Eddie, you just saw Buck have yet another failed relationship with woman #4 and your thought is that HE'S the one best suited to talk to your son? These two men are so queer and so dumb, but their hearts are in the right place.

Okay, moving on to EW article #2 linked here. Here I'm shifting a little bit more to Tim Minear, and what he's said before in the past as showrunner about Buck, Eddie, the buddifer dynamic and the buddie ship.

I have a love-hate relationship with Tim. On one hand, I think he's a far better showrunner than Kristen (for OG 911, 911 Lonestar does and always will suck ass). But on the other hand, I remember some of the things he said back when season 2 was airing. It's part of the reason why I can't take things like "he's so cute. he gets that a lot" or "does this boycrush on eddie mean you're over abby" or "you two have an adorable son" or any Big Buddie fanservice line in season 2 seriously or as any definitive proof of anything. Tim has openly admitted most of those were in season 2 to throw shippers a bone. Not to be taken seriously. And that didn't sit right with me. Very obviously, there was a shift in season 3 and no longer was buddie and shippers the butt of the joke. Season 3 is when I genuinely think the writers and Tim shifted from "haha this is funny" to "oh wait, maybe there IS something here" and obviously The Powers That Be (Fox) had some control over whether or not that happened and is honestly why I think it didn't happen in season 5 or 6 where it realistically could've fit very well after s4.

So firstly, please take everything I say with a grain of salt because Tim is a Known Liar and Word Twister and is very VERY good at saying a lot while absolutely saying nothing at all.

5. So...I find what he says in this article interesting because it's not in the first article. First, his word choice is very interesting. Using both "friendship" and "coupling" in the same sentence, which have two different connotations. Secondly, he says that "at their core" their relationship is about their friendship. When something is the core of something else, that doesn't mean that's all there is. The core may be the essence, or the foundation, or the glue of something. But it is something that is BUILT UPON, something that extends past the core. To me, it means that while the core of buddie's relationship is their friendship, their relationship encompasses much more than that. It's like those successful old married couples who say the key to being married happily for 50+ years is that "we're still best friends" or that "the key to a successful romantic relationship is having that foundation of strong friendship" etc. Now, I'm not SAYING this means canon buddie, but I just find it interesting that this is how Tim chose to describe them this time around. To me, that says Tim is very much aware that there's far more to be explored in their relationship than just their friendship. Whether that means far more buddifer family arcs, or an actual real exploration of Buck and Eddie as a romantic couple, I'm very excited to see where it goes.

[hadesoftheladies]

let me be so fr y'all. i will NEVER shame a woman for having a man that treats her right. okay? that's always going to be a win, why would i complain about that? i just think that most of y'all that say you found him are fckn lying.

like i've watched women in dv situations lie through their teeth. they'll lie to their besties who know them freckle to freckle about their bruises. it doesn't even have to be abuse. i know how much women lie to keep up appearances with other women and i'm just saying i'm not buying it with most of y'all. that's my truth. and i start having issues when you start lying about that reality to younger women who will most likely just end up in the same shitty relationship bc of the false hope women in mid-to-shitty relationships with men espouse. and i can tell they're lying even MORE when they start trying to talk about how "women aren't necessarily better" whether that's about celibate or same-sex-partnered women. they'll drag their own female friends in order to convince everyone else that their man is truly the real deal as a status symbol. they'll shit on what their friends do for them in order to justify their veneration of this mid-ass moid. i've just seen it happen too many times, and that's why i think it's justified that radfems draw parallels between het-partnered feminists and liberal women who cling to femininity. y'all talk the exact same most of the time and even have the same arguments.

anyways.

[oxyvouge]

: ̗̀➛ wax wings ༊·˚

summary: after the news of Sirius cheating on you broke out to the whole wizarding world, you confronted him about it.

━━ ✦ pairing(s): husband! sirius black x wife! reader

━━ ✦ warning: cheating

━━ ✦ word count: 1,382

AUTHOR'S NOTE: I'M BACK but several months late 😭🙏. here's your request, @lilacspider. hope y'all enjoy <333

YOU DIDN'T exactly remember how you got in this position; with your eyes screaming anger, sadness, and regret all in one in front of your husband himself, Sirius Black.

You didn't get it, why would he do this? And you will never get it. What was the reason? Were you not enough? Aren't you both happy? Why did everything lead to this? There were so many questions floating in your head yet you preferred if they were left unanswered.

Tho, you quite vividly remembered how you watched your son going back to his playroom after giving you a letter he found somewhere inside the house. How Marlene drank all the remaining butterbeer, putting it down on the table with a loud clang.

How Marlene also started talking shit about Sirius. "Honestly, Black can fuck Merlin's Beard. He and his bloody dick can't control itself." How Dorcas kicked Marlene after hearing what she said. "What? I'm right tho. If he controlled his dick, Y/N wouldn't even be in this situation now."

Everything could ramble all over your fuzzy mind but you would never forget how you looked into a specific page of the Daily Prophet reading Sirius' name. BLACK'S AFFAIR BRINGS SHAME TO FAMILY LEGACY. It was written on the headline.

You couldn't bring yourself to read the whole article. It was heart-wrenching. What would become of your son if he was to know? That the whole wizarding world knew about his father's affair except for him.

But you couldn't bring yourself to tell him about it so here you are, confronting Sirius about it with angry tears from the all-for-nothing years that were wasted because of a single affair.

Letters burnt but a single is saved yet crumpled in between your tightly closed hands.

"Be careful with that one, love. He may have already left the Black household, but what runs through him will never leave. He will do what it takes to survive." That was what Dorcas said. Was what they all said. But did you believe it?

You heard rumors about him yet never once in your life have you doubted Sirius' faithfulness until now.

"Are you happy now? Do you feel proud of yourself?" You managed to crack out. "You got back at the legacy you've always been talking about. And now you have a broken family. Congratulations." Legacy. Such a word to risk something important for. But was it just something important?

Sirius didn't say anything. Maybe he was too ashamed to even say anything. He should be. Sirius opened his mouth to speak yet he didn't say anything. You noted how his jaw clenched and his eyes darting everywhere all at once refusing to look you back in the eye.

"You think you're so slick, don't you? Slithering around behind my back like some kind of serpent. You should've been with the Slytherins like your whole family. Tell me, Sirius, why did you do it?"

A scoff was the only sound that came from his mouth. Sirius set his eyes on you, courage slowly building up and that lump in his throat disappearing. "You were gone. I was alone and lonely." Was the only thing he said.

It didn't need you a minute or two to put things together. It's his dick. It always has been. "Was she worth it then? Trading our vows for your lack of companionship?"

"This isn't the first time, Y/N." Dorcas took a look at you and held your hand in an assuring way. "You've married an Icarus, he has flown too close to the sun." They must've been laughing at you already. Noting how dumb you could be, especially in the face of love.

"No! She was no one! She begged me." Sirius cried. He never cried like this so hard ever since he left the Black household for the better.

You laughed. It was stupid. Men and their ability to make stupid decisions with their dick. "Because you were alone? Do you even know why you're alone, Sirius? Because you refuse to come home and now you're pulling me that bloody excuse of loneliness like it was my fault when it wasn't!"

"But I still love you, Y/N!" He kneeled, wanting to grab your hand and beg to all of the Gods out there, Merlin, but most importantly, to you.

"No. I refuse to believe that. That became a lie ever since you were entangled with that woman." You felt tears building up in the corner of your eyes but you would never let it fall. Not when he could see and may use for his self-pleasure. "My—Cepheus, our son, was always coming to our bedroom asking when you'd be back." You emphasized. "You know what I always tell him? I tell him, "Daddy will come home, honey, once you're a good and big boy already!" and he must've already memorized it."

"I'm a big boy now, aren't I, mother?" Your 6-year-old son asked as he stood in front of a measuring tape for his height.

You've always been in front of your porch, waiting when Sirius would come home. "When was the last time he came home?" You remembered Lily asking that and how you stayed silent thinking carefully, when did he last come home? But you never knew the answer to that.

"Every time I look at you now, I see nothing but betrayal etched into your face. That must've been the reason why you never come home."

Maybe you should've burned the article moments ago so you didn't have to be in this position. Like how you burnt the letters he gave you. "Did your wax wings melt? Because I would never understand where you got the courage to do that and admit it like it was never your fault."

You turn from him and into the table where the newspaper lies. You turn to snatch it from there and show it to Sirius. You let out a chuckle, "It was ironic, honestly. You've always talked about legacy; legacy this, legacy that." You took a moment to compose yourself yet your eyes never left Sirius'. "Are you that blind Sirius? They aren't your legacy Sirius. Your legacy isn't your family who you turned your back on. Not Hogwarts. Not the Marauders. Not the Wizarding World. Not them but us. We are your legacy."

You've married the brightest star in the sky, he collided with another and everything exploded. "You've left scars on my heart that may never heal, all because you couldn't keep it in your pants."

You regained your posture and said, "By the break of dawn, I want every each one your clothes and things gone from this house."

"Mommy, is everything alright?" You heard a soft voice calling out to you. You turned to look at the door and saw how your son was holding onto the doorknob, peaking with his tired eyes that came from his sleep. Sirius stood up from the floor and turned away from Cepheus. "Dad?"

You passed Sirius and walked straight towards your son. "Baby?" You bent down to look at him and saw how he rubbed his eyes with a yawn. "Come on, let's go to bed. Daddy has things to do and he's in a hurry baby."

"He's always gone." Your son muttered, catching Sirius' attention. You both left the room and closed the door behind you.

"Did you and dad fight, mommy?" You only managed to smile.

Dear Y/N,

You're the person I want to spend my entire life with. You're the match in a world full of moths and it's drawing me to you. I chased you ever since first year and I don't plan on just walking towards you anytime soon. I want to run. Let's run till we can't anymore. I would watch the world burn, let the supernova engulf the Universe, and let everything fall apart in front of us as long as I'm with you.

I love you so much, my love. Words can't explain how much I love you to the Saturn and back. But maybe, I'm certain, every time I look at you, I fell a million times over.

Let's build a family. A new legacy of the Blacks. It'll be for us all; and maybe, just maybe we can show them what being a Black is really like.

With all love,

S. O. B.

you can make a request here where you'll be guided by the guidelines and check out the masterlist.

this is the most beautiful thing i've written 🥹🥹

ps. i still hate cheaters.

[moonlight-prose]

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

I have spent several days drafting this post because there's so much I want to say. 2023 was filled with some big moments for me. I graduated college, met my friend group, went on night time adventures, and actually acted like my age for once. I was chaotic and fun and carefree for the first time since I turned 19. But things have also gone wrong in many ways.

Which is why I write this to you guys. The incredible people on this site. Whether you follow me, are my mutuals, or have seen my blog in passing (or in your notes), I want to wish you a Happy New Year.

While this year might have sucked for a majority of it, the light I found in this community - on this site - is unmatched. I have met some of my greatest friends here. I've cried to fics, lost my mind over characters, and written so much more than I actually expected. It's been a hell of a year and an absolute honor getting to thirst with y'all.

So here's to getting sluttier in 2024! I'm toasting my champagne glass to you guys.

I also wanted to simply shout out some very important people to me. They've made 2023 bearable and I couldn't have been happier to know them through this place. A big massive fucking THANK YOU to my darlings. You're the greatest people I know.

@soulores my queen, my babe, my bestie. it is hard to believe we didn't start officially talking till summer of this year, because i genuinely feel like we've known each other for years. from our sunday morning phone conversations, to our screaming in the dms about these fictional men, and movie days with you. i couldn't have asked for a better friend to meet this year. here's to many many more memories in 2024 (and to finally meeting in person!).

@themarcusmoreno what would be a dedication post without mentioning you! my love i am so so fucking happy we met two years ago. all because of pedro pascal. crazy to think i would have found such an incredible person who happened to love all the things i love! you're the greatest friend and i am so grateful for you. thank you for sticking with me.

@sunflowersteves vic the absolute bad bitch. THE PERSON YOU ARE. i am so so so so fucking happy you and i are still mutuals. after meeting through marvel of all things and then pedro and now top gun. there's so many memories with you i cherish. and i can't wait to make more. and a massive thank you for being such a cheerleader for my writing this year. you and ash have managed to keep me going even when times were tough.

@karasong my first EVER mutual on this site. it's so hard to think that if it weren't for you i wouldn't be writing on here. you followed me two years ago and i flipped out and the feeling hasn't changed one bit. i couldn't be happier you're in my life. from starting up the server with you, to yearning for obi-wan, life with you in it is so much better.

@softanon it would not be a proper dedication post if i did not add you babes. dia you are one of my favorite people to exist. you're effortlessly cool, have the best ideas, and i always feel so lucky that i met you. from our talks about the moon knight bois, to tommy miller, to yearning over din djarin, i have loved every single convo with you. they bring me so much joy. you are an incredible person and i am looking forward to SO MANY more convos about our favorite men!

@saradika to one of the greatest people to exist in this fandom i love love love you. your graphics and the love you show to everyone around is so incredible and bright. we seriously don't deserve you, but i am so happy you are here and that you exist. you've made 2024 brighter just by being here.

@tarrenterror25 the spookiest darling ever! when you showed up on the server it was such a good day! and you brought with you so much fun and joy that the server was never the same. i am sending you an infinite amount of love this new years and here's to more chaos with you in 2024!

to my darlings in the dilf nation server:

@arctvrvs thea babes you are iconic, lovely, and are one of the best people to exist. you made 2023 so much better just by being around to yearn over joel with you. i couldn't be happier to know you!

@fluffyprettykitty selene you are the coolest people who has the coolest fics! the love you share on fics is so incredible, it never ceases to bring a smile to my face. also you're just so awesome i couldn't have asked for a better person to join the server.

@rae-gar-targaryen my fanboy lover in crime. i'm sure i've said it countless times, but you are so cool and amazing and beautiful. you are a goddess in real life. the talent you have is so fucking incredible it haunts me. i love each and every one of your creations and i love you as well!

@mostly-megan you are an absolute sweetheart and even though we haven't talked much in 2023, i hope to have so many more conversations with you in the coming new year. sending you my love darling!

@agirllovespancakes iris you lovely human being. i remember when i was first posting hurt you would reblog the greatest comments. and it made me want to continue, because i looked forward to each one. and now that i know you love tommy too! you're so amazing and i dedicate a new years kiss to you.

@inklore you talented insanely incredible person! i could make a whole list of good things about you. i am sending you SO MUCH love for 2024. i hope it's amazing.

@outercrasis birdie my darling i want to tell you all the things that i cherish about you. from the love you showed on black velvet, to the way we screamed about bruce wayne and even frank castle, i live for our conversations. here's to so much more fun in 2024 and infinite convos about saltburn.

tagging those lovely humans who've made 2023 so incredible. please know i love you so much and i am kissing you when the clock strikes midnight. thank you for making this year so incredible!:

@stargazingcarol, @cregan-starks, @lady-of-glass-and-bone, @fushic0re, @targaryenvampireslayer, @pennyserenade, @flightlessangelwings, @stargirlfics, @goldgilzean, @kalllistos, @flordeamatista, @perotovar, @my-secret-shame, @roamwithahungryheart, @galatially, @eloquentmoon, @starryeyedstories, @oscarseyebrow, @iraot, @zinzinina, @thefact0rygirl, @iamskyereads, @navybrat817, @ifimayhaveaword, @the-godparticle

[gamebunny-advance]

Let's Just Rip Off This Band-Aid (Kliff Doll Repaint)

I still haven't finished adding the fringe to his scarf, but at this point, I don't think y'all will actually care that much. It's a personal project anyway, so I'll just finish it on my own time. Right now, I want to be released from the shackles of this project.

Once again, my poor camera and lack of editing do him no favors (he's got a real bad case of jaundice in that first pic. I PROMISE he's not that yellow-orange IRL ;o;), but he is (mostly) done.

Well, he was (mostly) done like a week ago, but just yesterday I decided to redo a few things to try and "fix" what was really bothering me about him, so I really made recursive progress. That said, I do like him more now than I did a week ago, so I'm not mad about it.

A little backstory: Alongside Kun3h0, I've been working on him for the past month, so I've been pretty occupied with this project for a while. Now, I do wonder to myself why exactly I thought making this would be a good idea. All I can really say is that my impulsive tendencies drive me to do things against my better judgement.

But, I will still give y'all my documentation and thoughts on the process + more pictures.

(I'll talk a little more about it later, but for those of you that aren't going to go through the long-ass readmore, the Neon J. mask is a reference to an old comic I drew.)

(It's so old, I was still writing everything by hand~)

So, the "real" answer to "why" I made this is really as simple as "because I could." As I said in the Kun3h0 post, I've been wanting to repaint dolls for a long time, years even, so in the back of my mind, I'm always thinking of ways I could finally start one.

Well, recently I just finally put together the ideas and motivation I needed to start. And of course, that was with Kliff.

I don't remember *exactly* how I stumbled across everything, but I do recall looking at doll clothes online and stumbling across this trench coat (pictured with the other clothes for this project).

(I took this pic mostly because I thought I was going to take pics of every major step of the process, but that didn't end up happening).

I thought it was pretty darn close to Kliff's coat, and I got the horrible idea that, "I could def make a Kliff doll to go with this coat as long as I can repaint it."

I feel like usually people would think the other way around, but that is basically the truth of this project: I didn't find clothes to fit the doll, I made the doll to fit into the clothes. Because for me, customizing the doll wasn't really the intimidating part: it's making the clothes. I don't know how to use a sewing machine, and currently lack the patience to learn (and due to some personal trauma that I don't really want to get into), but I can hand-sew, so starting any project that involves it requires me to be willing to set aside a lot of energy for me to do it, which I don't often have.

But, if I could find ways to cut down on the sewing, then I'd be more willing to start. And somehow, I was able to find just about everything I would need for a potential Kliff doll without having to sew anything. In the end, I only sewed together one thing, and it's the one thing that isn't actually finished: the scarf.

So, I blame the trench coat for the entirety of this project: if I'd never seen it, I would have never made a Kliff doll. In fact, I got the clothes before I even had the doll.

Since I was brainstorming this project, one of the most important parts is of course the base doll, which was tricky. Male doll repaints are fairly uncommon, especially of older men, so there weren't a lot of resources or places to get inspiration for this project.

From what I found, most male (fashion) dolls were very youthful, and the ones that weren't usually took heavy modifications to achieve, which was out of the question. Kliff was supposed to be an "easy" project, so on top of not wanting to sew any clothes for him, I also didn't want to have to alter the doll that much to make it look like him. This was a lot to ask for without putting in any personal work, but in a way, this goal was supposed to keep me from actually starting this project: really this whole thing was supposed to just live in my head as a fantasy as most things do, but then I just stumbled into the right set of things, so I couldn't stop myself from going through with it.

The doll I landed on was a BTS Mattel doll. Now I've said before that I know basically nothing about BTS, and that is still true, but that's beside the point. In my research for finding a suitable doll to work with, I found out that a popular base were these BTS dolls. At first, I wasn't into it because I was still running into the "youthful face" problem that I was with other brands: most of them had pillowy lips and nice soft faces, but I did eventually find one that I thought was close enough: J-Hope.

(It's not the worst match up.)

I don't have pics of my doll before I started working on him, but it was pretty close to the stock photo. He has much thinner lips than the others, and a taller, more angular head shape that I thought would work best for Kliff. I did worry a bit that the nose wasn't "strong" enough to really be Kliff (and IMO, it wasn't XP), but it was the closest I found yet, so I decided to bite the bullet and get one, and if I had one, that meant I needed to start gathering everything I would need for this project.

So, no backing out now.

Now, actually acquiring this doll was a whole other song and dance, but here's the part that's important for how the process went:

Due to a miscommunication with the seller I eventually got him from, there was a delay with shipping, so I didn't actually get him until weeks after "officially" starting this project. In the meantime, the clothes and things for Kun3h0 (who I started as an impulse project within the impulse project) had already been gathered.

The original plan was that I was going to work on and subsequently post about Kliff first since he was a comparatively simpler project. All the things I was avoiding for Kliff: sewing clothes and making modifications to the doll, were all going to be incorporated into Kun3h0, so she was theorhetically going to take longer and be posted later, thus telling a small story of "starting simple, ending complex." But since I didn't have his doll, but didn't want to delay working on Kun3h0 just to wait on him, I started on her and repainting his clothes anyway.

So, I don't have any pics of the doll or his clothes from when I was working on them, unlike the sparse ones I had for Kun3h0, I only have pics from after he was finished.

But I'll still tell y'all what I can to at least preserve the story.

For starters, repainting this coat was probably the most time-consuming part of this process.

I really thought that it would take one or two days maximum to turn this coat bright yellow, but I think it actually took over a week. And I really should have known; the coat was a medium tone, and I know that yellow takes a while to build up on anything that isn't light. I lost count at some point, but I swear that thing has over 20 coats of paint on it. Mind you, the first 10 or so coats were watered down with the textile medium, which also contributed to how long it was taking for the coat to take color, but at some point I just got so frustrated that I stopped mixing in the medium and painting directly onto the coat to get the color to layer faster. This is a huge no-no for painting acrylics onto fabric, lest the paint crack from creasing the fabric, but I just couldn't be bothered anymore. I needed this thing to be dandelion yellow NOW or I was gonna lose it.

There were consequences for taking that shortcut, such as the paint cracking in high motion areas and the coat getting stiff, but it's not terrible. In the end, I accepted the trade-offs or else I might still be painting the coat. Perhaps one day I'll reverse engineer the pattern for the coat and make him a new one, but I wouldn't count on it. In retrospect, I wonder if I would have had an easier time if I had thought to bleach the coat first?

As you might notice, I contoured/shaded part of the coat in orange. That's something that I actually *just* added yesterday and added another couple of hours to the work time. It was just bothering me that the doll was essentially a giant slab of yellow, and was part of the reason I didn't like it very much. But I got inspired by this repaint to try contouring the coat to give it more depth.

(I also used this person's videos to modify the hands. He has one deidcated to just reshaping the BTS hands.)

In the end, I'm pretty happy with the results.

The rest of the clothes weren't as difficult to deal with.

The pants took the paint a lot better, likely due to being dark paint on a light surface. Since I used less paint, it's not as stiff as the coat and still go on very easily. Though, they are VERY high waisted, and I'm not sure if that's normal XP

The shoes are also painted (and slightly modified), though I had to paint them twice because the first time, the paint got stretched off when I tried to put them on the doll's feet: the shoes were just *slightly* too small for the feet of the doll, so they really get stretched to fit his feet, and his heels don't actually go in all the way XP.

He's still capable of standing on his own, but I try not to remove the shoes, so I can avoid having them crack again.

In my "initial clothes" pic, I put down a different shirt than the one he's wearing. The original plan was to repaint the shirt black, but my work space is very limited, so I couldn't really repaint three pieces of clothes at once without significantly risking that I would stain other things. In the end, after getting scarred by how long it was taking for the coat to take color, I decided to just give him one of the black shirts that came with the coat. This does make him somewhat inaccurate since the current shirt has flowers/plants on it, but I'm gonna say that they make up for the lack of flowers on his scarf. Maybe someday I'll make him a new shirt from an old sock or something, but for now, I don't think it's a bad look.

Other clothing of note is the scarf, but since it's not technically finished I didn't take any close pics of it. It's actually made of an old headband of mine that I just cut and painted to look like his scarf.

Originally, I had actually glued on ribbon to it for the stripes, which took a couple days for the drying, but because I couldn't flatten out the scarf to easily glue the ribbon, it turned into a mess and bulked it out too much: since the scale of the doll is already small, I really needed to keep the fabrics thin. This was especially important for the scarf since it was going to wrap around his neck: if it were any thicker, it was going to practically eat up his face, which it still does, just less so.

Speaking of face...

When I finally got the doll in the mail, I started working on him right away, so I don't have any "before" pics of the doll.

After I did the usual "wiping off the face and pulling out his hair," I started with repainting the entire body and head.

Despite Kliff being ambigously "WHITE 🫵," Kliff isn't as pale as the original doll. I'd say even the stock picture I posted above has more warmth than the actual doll did. So, I got the base to be "coral" all over, dusted him in light orange chalk pastels for contouring, and most of his details are outlined in shades of burgandy. I didn't take any nude pics of this doll, but he is countoured all over his body and you can rest easy knowing I gave him some nips XP. But maybe someday I'll show y'all doll!Kliff's washboard abs XP.

TBH, I did want to detail some tattoos and some body hair too, but I just didn't trust myself to do either of those well with the tools I have (my brushes aren't thin enough, and my hand not steady enough for those kind of intricate details). Maybe someday I'll at least get his tattoos in (and after I've actually designed them XP), but we'll see. I don't plan on having the doll in short sleeved clothes very often, so details like that are the least of my concerns.

TBH, I was pretty proud of how the face paint originally went on. I really took my time to make sure it went down flat. It really was beautifully smooth~

But disaster struck.

I had painted the head while it was still separated from the body, and when it finally came time to reunite them, the paint on the head cracked and peeled when I shoved it back on. And, foolish fool that I am, instead of accepting my losses and starting over from a perfectly clean head, I just peeled the lose ends and repainted the exposed parts, which of course made the paint uneven. I somewhat justified this with the idea that most of it would be covered by other details, but in retrospect, I really should have just started over properly.

But, after that ordeal was over with, it was time to actually work on the face.

I can't clearly remember if I worked on Kun3h0 or Kliff's face first. I think I worked on them simultaneously because it took me a LONG time to actually get the courage to work on Kun3h0's face.

I thought I did a decent job on Kun3h0 since I really only had the 1 eye to repaint (the hidden eye is painted, but it's basically just a void with no details), and it was a bigger "canvas", so it was easier to paint. Besides having 2 eyes that I would need to make nearly identical, they were also a lot smaller, so it took a lot longer to paint them in a way that satisfied me (and since it's not easy to "redo" acrylic paint, his eyes lost a lot of smoothness too).

Again, I don't have any "before" pics, so it won't be easy for me to convey my troubles about it, but I do want to say that I think Kliff with a closed mouth is very cursed.

:I

He just looks like he's itching to say something heinous and that is no different for the doll.

It was so difficult for me both match his expression on a face that wasn't *completely* his and still look like him. Although I chose this doll because he most resembled Kliff, he was never gonna be a perfect likeness of him, but despite knowing this, it still bothered me that the face was still just very "young" looking.

Granted, I don't think the original Kliff looks *that* old either (if I didn't know any better, I would assume he was in his 30s, not his 50s, especially compared to other characters around the same age), but still not as *smooth* as the doll is (even with my paint mishaps).

If you can believe it, the face actually used be worse. I don't have pics of it, but like the coat, I actually repainted his face yesterday to again try and fix what was making me dislike it before. I think the problem is that I didn't outline the eyes as much as the final one (like, I don't think I lined his undereye at all), so he was lacking depth. The mouth was also a little more off. Instead of being like "<--->" it was more like "|-|"

(A rough illustration of what I'm trying to describe.)

So, while it's still not perfect, I do like him more today than I did a week ago.

I think the only things left to talk about are his accessories, starting with his wig:

I'm not actually a big fan of the color. When I started this project, I wanted to try and make him as accurate as possible, and the original Kliff design has a very "cherry jolly rancher" hair color.

However, how I draw him and how he appears in Encore Edition gives his hair a more red-orange tone which isn't as intense. In the end, I opted for accuracy towards his first design since that's the one I was technically most familiar with and wanted to replicate, but in retrospect, I should have realized that I was never gonna be able to seperate my personal quirks from this personal project, so I should have gone with a color that was more accurate to how I interpret him. (I dunno if I would have gone as far as to give him triangular eyes, but one of my biggest takeaways from this project has been that I should have just allowed this to be "my take" on the character instead of trying to be "accurate," meeting in the middle, and satisfying neither condition.)

I don't think I really got across how much I HATED brushing out yarn for the wigs when I posted Kun3h0. It was just such a tedidus process, from brushing it out, to straightening it, to gluing it down. It was such a mess. I'm still finding loose wisps of yarn hair floating around my home since I made them.

Since I had more than had my fill from making Kun3h0's wig, I once again started taking shortcuts when it came to Kliff: I really should have made more wefts for him. I figured since his hair was (compartively) shorter, that I wouldn't need to make as many, but in the end his wig turned out both too thin and too thick.

Since his hair is so messy, I didn't follow any kind of guide for his hair like I did Kun3h0. I basically just glued around the perimeter of the cap, horizontally on the inside, and made sure it would fold over in the front.

Part of the problem is that I made the wefts too thick: instead of just gluing down what could actually touch the surface of the work area, I wound up gluing layers on top of each other, so the wefts would be like a mm thick when they should have been less than half of that. So, I barely got enough coverage for the scalp, and the parts that I did get down are very thick. I think it makes his head look bigger than it should which kinda adds to the uncanniness of him.

I did try to style it as close to canon as possible, but there are some things that just aren't (easily) possible in certain mediums, and Kliff's wild hair is one of them.

In retrospect, I probably should have just sculpted his hair with clay or something: it probably would have been more accurate, but I don't have much confidence in my sculpting ability, and again, I didn't want to modify the doll that much, so I stuck with the yarn.

I might suck it up and try and make him a new wig, I still have a LOT of red yarn left over, so maybe I can make him some new styles too. But the tedium of going through with it makes it very unlikely that I'll follow through~

(The wig from other angles.)

Since the beard is made from the same yarn, I'll lightly talk about that. There aren't too many resources about bearded dolls, but I've seen people root it, glue it, and even just paint it if they weren't supposed to be thick. In the end I used this repaint for reference (suggestive content warning) and glued it on.

The scarf covers most of it, but I think it turned out okay. I need to add just a *little* more to his left cheek, but otherwise I feel like I was successful.

Next, it's usually hidden due to all the crap that's on his head, but I did give him an earring.

I didn't think about it until way too late in the process, and I tried to poke a hole through his ear so he could actually wear it. However, when I tried to do so, I almost ruined his head paint a second time. Saying, "fuck that," I decided to just glue it on.

If I had been more brave with modifying this doll, I might have just resculpted his ears entirely, because, being based on a real life human being, the doll's ears don't flare out that much, so they're easily covered by other things.

His glasses are just a piece of painted plastic that hold to his face using some plastic cord. They fit well while his wig is off, but putting them on with everything else is a goddamn nightmare.

Since his ears are so small, and his hair is so short, there's nothing for the glasses to "grab" onto without the cord, but the cord is too short to fit around the wig once it's on, but I can't make the cord longer to sit over the wig, because the glasses need to go over the headband, and it's a pain in the ass trying to layer everything like that.

So, I have to put the glasses in place first, TAPE the cord to his scalp so they don't move, put on the wig, then put on the headband. It's really such a hassle, but I don't think I can truly convey the annoyance of having to do it all without showing you. So, unless I absolutely have to, I'm never taking any of those things off him again.

I think the last things are the headband, mask, and tablet.

The headband is just a spare scrunchy that I have. I don't have one in the *exact* same color as the real one, so I went with the closest one I had, which was this teal color.

I didn't feel comfortable repainting one since it's essentially an elastic band, I don't think the paint, even with the textitle medium, would be able to hold up to all the stretching I have to do to even get it on his head.

If I happen to find a white one somewhere in my stash, then I might try dyeing it using water and acrylic paints to see if I can get it green, but for now, I think this works. A little thick, but it works.

The tablet is just a piece of foam painted with paint markers and the mask is a piece of cardboard. I wasn't planning on really recreating any scenes with this doll, but since I remembered that comic, and thought it would be easy enough to make, I went ahead and made it as an in-joke to myself.

Honestly, I think it's the most charming piece of the entire ensemble. Plus, he can wear it without me having undo/redo any of his other head accessories, so it's easy to make him wear it whenever.

My final comments about the doll itself are that he's fucking huge. I should have taken a pic of him next to Kun3h0, but he is too tall to even fit on my display shelf without sitting.

(Please ignore any mess you might see in the reflection. This is just one of the only flat pieces of furniture he can stand on without me standing on something to take a pic.)

Despite my interests, I don't actually collect dolls (I'm more into figures and plushies), so I wasn't expecting him to be so big. In fact, Kun3h0, who would be considered a small to medium doll in collector's spaces, was also bigger than I thought she'd be, so you can imagine my surprise when I got my hands on him.

So... I don't really know where I can put him. He obviously can't live in front of my TV, but beyond being too big for my shelf, he also doesn't fit in with any of my other collectibles. And I'll be honest, the contrast of him "clearly not belonging" among my more "kawaii" items was a motivator in starting this project, I live for the gap moe after all, but in practice he really just sticks out like a sore thumb. (This is also why his first pics are in a slightly different location without many props. I just couldn't put together anything from my collection or find a spot among my things to take a good thematic pic with. The magazines/CDs he's with are from my dad's collection.)

I do have space at higher elevations in my room, but it's kinda off putting to have him staring down my room, looking like he's plotting something (my space is too small to ignore it). So I dunno what I'm gonna do with him. I did have plans to make him some... cuter outfits so he wouldn't stick out as much, but that requires sewing, and I'm kinda worn out from this project.

In conclusion, despite my troubles with this project, I'm not entirely displeased with the results. At the very least, it was an experience, and one that I might even be willing to do a third time 👀...?

But for now, I'd like to rest and maybe go back to drawing again. I feel like I haven't drawn anything "real" for a while now. We're inching closer and closer to the next follower milestone (4 digit number BA-BY!), so I'd like to at least get back to being good enough to sketch some stuff for y'all soon~

[ghostofthemost141]

Heard

Pairing: Johnny 'Soap' MacTavish x F!Reader, First POV, no use of (Y/N)

Word Count: 2,388

Themes: Platonic Relationship, Fluff, Comfort, Some Angst

!Warnings!: Some Homophobia Violence (none of it comes from you or any of our main men and isn't graphic) and some !18+! Suggestive Talk

About: You and Soap have been best friends for many, many years and are completely inseparable. When he is home from a mission one night, he invites you to y'alls usual late night talks in the park, except this time it is different.

Notes: I'm a little iffy about this one but I hope y'all enjoyed it and I promise I will do more Ghost x Reader soon I just wanted to give Soap some love. I am gonna pick Bonnie again for this fic but for my next Soap x Reader I will pick another name to use and reader also has a accent in this. And this is an AU were Graves and Shepard aren't traitors (even though Shepard is the absolute worst). Enjoy!

“What a damn day..” I mumble to myself as I saunter into my apartment. 

Today was a rough and busy day at the job, but at least I was off for the next two days so I can just relax with a good beer and watch some good TV and maybe even catch up on some reading. There’s so much you can do in two days of freedom. Speaking of beer, I think I will have one now. As I was walking into the kitchen to grab a beer, my phone started ringing. That’s weird, nobody really ever calls me this late at night. Probably my mum. I grabbed my phone to look to see. 

Soap 🧼 is calling..

Oh Johnny! Damn it’s been a day or two since I heard from him, he must’ve just now gotten a break from the mission he was currently on. I answered it quickly. 

“Johnny!” I greet him. 

“Hey Bonnie.” 

“You doing alrigh’, mate?” I ask. 

“Meh could be better.” 

“You back home yet?” 

Silence was met between the two of us. I knew Johnny was still on the line for I could still hear his breathing on the other side. Usually he is a big converser, so he must be tired. 

“Johnny?” 

“Can you meet me now? Please.” Johnny begged. 

This was unusual for Johnny. He sounded frantic, worried and even scared. I knew exactly what he was talking about. Everytime he would come home from missions, we would meet out at the park nearby to talk about his mission and anything that happened while he was gone. I assume he was back home if he was frantically asking to meet up with me. 

“Yeah, of course. I just got home so it will be a minute. Are you okay?”  I ask, hearing his tone that was out of character for him. 

Johnny was silent for a moment except for his shaky breaths. What happened Johnny? 

“MacTavish. Are you okay? Are you safe?”  I asked. 

“Yeah. Yeah, I’m safe. I promise. I’ll be at our usual spot.” Johnny told me. 

“Okay, be there in ten.” I said, going through my clothes to find something to throw on. 

“A’ight.” 

Johnny then hung up the phone and I couldn’t help but feel a very sour taste in my mouth from that. I don’t think I have ever heard Johnny sound so..scared. Man goes into battle with a high risk of dying and would always retell it to me as if it was nothing but a walk in the park. Something must’ve happened to make him really scared. I eventually found a long sleeved t-shirt, some lounging pants, and mismatched socks to put on and did just so. I thought maybe I should bring some tequila or bourbon but then again, Johnny always told me what to bring and this time he didn’t. Fuck it, I’ll bring it just in case. You never know. I grabbed some bourbon, slipped my shoes on, grabbed my keys, and rushed out the door, knowing Johnny is probably waiting for me. 

~

“There ya are, MacTavish.” I announced my presence as I made my way to the park bench he was sitting on. 

“‘Ey, Bonnie.” Johnny softly said. 

Okay, something definitely has happened. Normally Johnny would come up to me and greet me with a bear hug or even a handshake when he first sees me, but now he was sitting still and speaking oh so softly to me. What’s going on? 

“What’s going on, Soap? Talk to me. You sounded panicked over the phone.” 

I sit next in front of him, offering my hand for comfort. Johnny immediately took it and held it, squeezing it even. Johnny and I have been best friends for many, many years now that you could consider us as non-blood siblings. We talk to each other about everything, do just about everything together, and are always there for each other. As we grew up, everyone thought we would end up together as a couple but we never did. We just stayed really, really close best friends and stuck with each other through the thick end. And yes we have had some arguments, as any normal pair of siblings would, but that was mostly when we were younger. Now we are both older adults, we just bicker at each other until the other gets annoyed enough to just ignore the other. Johnny kept squeezing my hand, and I could even feel him shaking. And it’s not from the cold weather that’s going on right now. 

“Johnny..” I reminded him that I was here. 

His bright blue eyes looked up at me. He looked terrified. 

“Lass, talk to me.” I reassure him, leaning in close to him, “you know you don’t need to be scared with me.” 

“I know..” He softly said. 

He was finding the words to say to me, but I will sit out all night if that’s what it takes for him to talk to me. 

“Something..happened, during my mission.” Johnny started. 

“Go on.” I ushered him. 

Johnny paused once more, still trying to gather up the right words to say. 

“You want somethin’ to relax ya?” I offer the bottle of bourbon to him. 

He stares at it for a few seconds before shaking his head. 

“No, but thank you, Bonnie. I appreciate it. I appreciate you very much.” 

I know he wasn’t necessarily thanking me for thinking about him by bringing him the bourbon, but for just being there for him in general. 

“Remember last time we talked?” Johnny asked me. 

I racked my brain to remember and luckily I did. 

“Of course I do. You were talkin’ about how Price was cursing under his breath about how he lost a damn good cigar when the airplane crashed.” I recalled. 

Johnny chuckled when I said that. Of course we talked about much more than that, but I figured I’d try and lift his spirits a little. 

“I had to hold back me laughter when I heard that over the coms.” Johnny admitted. 

“I don’t blame ya.” 

I have met Price plenty of times and you can tell he cares about the boys a lot but also doesn't take shit from nobody. Would offer his shoulder to cry on but will get pissed at them if they touch his whiskey kinda guy. The mood quickly went back to the way it was before, so it was time to be serious. 

“You mentioned to me how you were working through your feelings and emotions. As well as who you are attracted to.” 

The second it left my mouth, Johnny’s eyes wallowed in tears. I squeezed his hand as he sniffled in response and leaned his head forward, his forehead resting on our locked hands. 

“Johnny..” I call him, rubbing his head. 

Suddenly Johnny broke out into incoherent sobs. Tears ran down my hand as he just sobbed and sobbed. 

“Johnny, come here.” I called him as I got up quickly and got next to him so I could hug him. 

Johnny immediately accepted my hug, sobbing into my shoulder. 

“I’m so stupid, stupid..stupid.” 

I heard Johnny mumble through his sobs. I held him tightly, rubbed his back, and cooed at him with as many comfort words as I could think of. What in the bloody hell happened? 

“Johnny you’re not stupid.” 

“Yes I am.” 

“No you’re not Johnny. I am here for you always. No matter what it is.” I reassured him, hoping to soothe him a little bit. 

Johnny managed to finally calm down a little bit and I let him pull away from me. 

“I’m sorry..I just..” 

“Don’t you apologize you wanker. You never ever have to apologize with me, Johnny and you bloody know that.” I gently got onto him. 

He knows better than that. 

“Just talk to me. Tell me what happened so I can help you out.” I told him while squeezing his shoulders. 

Johnny wiped his face clean and managed to calm down, just enough to talk to me. 

“We were out at dis bar where we were stationed at. And at that poin’, the only person I ever told about how I was feeling internally was Simon.” Johnny started. 

“Does he accept you?” 

“Fuck yes he does. He told me ‘I don’t bloody care if you’re gay or what, you’re still my teammate and friend, Johnny.’” 

I felt relief wash over when he told me that. You’re a bloody good guy, Simon Riley. 

“That’s good, Johnny.” I say. 

“Yeah,” Johnny sighed before continuing, “it was aye, Simon, Gaz, Price, Laswell, Shepard, and Graves there. Um, there were these arseholes who were picking on a kid who was dressed very femininely. They assumed he was gay and started hurting him. Of course, I step in despite Shepard telling me to back off.” 

I could feel anger boiling inside of me. Their own General telling Johnny to not help an innocent civilian? What a coward and ball-less of a man. 

“What a focking jerk-off.” I cursed. 

“So I stepped in, didn’t want to make too much of a scene. They leave the poor fellow alone but they target me. I ain’t afraid until they started accusing me..” 

“Accusing you of what, Johnny?” I ask. 

Johnny squeezed my hand tightly and I could feel his whole body start to shake again. I rubbed his hand, trying to soothe his nerves. 

“Accusing me of being a..I don’t even wanna say it, but that word they use against gays. I just..shut down when they said it. Like I didn’t want to even accept it, ya know?” 

You shook your head over what Johnny just told you. You hated that he went through that, especially since he was still internally trying to figure out his own feelings. 

“And because I shut down, they were able to swing at me and I was knocked down on the ground. Simon had to step in and help me and I just felt so stoopid. I let something like that get to me.” 

“Johnny, you don’t need to feel stoopid over something like that. It’s understandable since you’re still figuring out your feelings and you were caught off guard.” I reassure him. 

“Yeah, well now everyone knows about me. I wanted it to stay with Simon, but now they know.” 

“How do they know?” I ask. 

“I..” 

Johnny paused. 

“They don’t really, but I can tell they know something is up. And I am scared.” Johnny confessed. 

“Why? Literally the only person I am iffy about is Shepard, but everyone else, they should be supportive of you, Johnny.. And if they don’t, then you’ve got Simon. Fuck everyone else if they don’t support you, but at least you have Simon Riley.” I say, trying to lift his spirits of the only person he can count on. 

“There’s something else..”  Johnny softly said. 

“Oh? What is it?” I ask. 

Whatever Johnny was about to tell me, I could tell it was going to be harder than what he just told me. 

“Please, just don’t judge me for it..” 

“Johnny, you know I never would judge you for anything.” I reminded him. 

“I know it’s just..Simon and I..” Johnny paused once more. 

“Yeah?” 

“Well, by the time we all left the bar, all of us were kinda tipsy except for Simon. Bloody lad is never drunk or acts like it no matter how much he drinks. So we went back to our base and later on, Simon came to check on me. And uh..” 

Johnny’s face instantly turned red. Beet red. I didn’t even need him to tell me what happened cause I already knew. 

“Oh Johnny!!” I cried out with excitement, poking him in his ribs making him giggle and flinch. 

“Yeah, yeah, yeah.” Johnny said. 

“Sooo?” 

“So wha’?” 

“All I am gonna ask is, was it a good night?” I ask. 

“Steamin’ bloody Jesus, yes it was.” Johnny answered, making me laugh. 

“That’s good.” I say. 

It fell into a comfortable silence between us, but there was a question burning in my mind. 

“Johnny?” 

“Hm?” 

“Why were you so scared to tell me that, you know, you’re gay or bi? Whichever you feel like you fall more on.” I question. 

Johnny sighed deeply. 

“It ain't 'cause I didn’t think you’d accept me, I guess it’s cause I am having a hard time accepting it myself.” 

“That’s who you are and clearly Simon accepts you at the very least and I am sure everyone else will too. But if they don’t then Simon and I can beat their asses.” I half joked. 

“You’re right. I am just glad you are in my life, Bonnie. To know that if everyone else hates me for whateva reason, that you’ll still be supportive of me.” Johnny told me. 

I don’t think I have ever heard Johnny ever be this sentiment ever in over twenty years of being friends. 

“Of course, MacTavish. I’ll always be here for you.” I told him. 

Johnny then pulled me into a tight hug and I hugged back, instantly feeling the guilt and fear rolling off his shoulders. 

“Now, give me that damn bourbon. Let me tell you what Price did while we were gone this time ‘round.” Johnny announced, instantly back to his normal self. 

I laughed as I passed the bourbon to him, knowing he won’t drink enough to make him not be able to drive back home. We talked for hours and hours, till the sun started peeking over the horizon. Despite the both of us being exhausted, it was worth it in the end to be able to talk with my best friend, my non-blooded brother and to let him know that he indeed had at least one permanent supporter in his life. If Johnny has no supporters, then Simon and I must be dead, cause that’s the only way he wouldn’t have any supporters in his life until we know for sure how the rest of the task force feels, but I know they are going to accept him. They have to, or else they’re gonna get a special paid visit from both Simon and I personally. 

END 

[suosgirl]

The song Take a Chance on Me by ABBA is play in my head when I read your tags on your suo post 😂 I KNOW he’d be spoiling you rotten house husband or not though. I dunno if he’d ever be so happy as when he’s seeing you in your wedding dress for the first time. He’s got the eyepatch so if he tears up a bit he just has to make sure no one else can see the uncovered eye ig?

MARI AHH!!! HI!!! ⸜(｡˃ ᵕ ˂ )⸝♡

omg I just listened to the song rn and .... the way they sing "take a chance"... yeah, that sounds about right BAHAHA, especially the line "that's all i ask of you honey"... yeahhh HAHA

but omg selfship wedding hcs? let me indulge Mari. first of all, I just KNOW that I would cry the minute I see him while I walk down the aisle. I honestly love the idea of walking to either this piano version of Sparkle from Your Name, this piano version of Nandemonaiya from Your Name, OR One Summer's Day from Spirited Away (y'all I think abt my future wedding a lot HAHA)

word vomit below hehe (,,>﹏<,,)

also gonna go out on a limb here and guess that Suo would wear a Chang Pao Ma Gua bc it's the Chinese traditional wedding suit for men, but you know what I would wear????

hehe I'm filipino american so I would wear a modern Filipiana dress!!! pic for reference hehe

and I know ... I just KNOW that he would have Hozier-level wedding vows. and it would absolutely make me cry. and I would have to bring a fan so that I can dry my eyes while he talks.

but when I say my vows? oh. he's gonna try so hard, so hard not to show how affected he really is, but listen. I'm a huge sap. I go all in. My vows are gonna be a bit of everything - a little teasing, a little sentimental, a little lovey-dovey. I'd absolutely slip a line in there like "I never knew someone could know me better than myself, but here we are" and "It's hard for me to rely on anyone, but with you, it was as natural as breathing".

and by the end of it, he'll blame it on the season (spring wedding when the flowers are in bloom), but I know better. when I see his eye, and the way it starts to barely glisten, just the tiniest shine, I'll know I've got him.

AND THE FLOWERS AT OUR WEDDING? Suo coordinates it, naturally, with his knowledge of the flower language of course. And the thing is his ass would be the type not to tell me until the actual day of the wedding. We'll be seated at the table after the official ceremonies are actually over and everyone's just having fun. He'll lean over, with a soft smile, to whisper into my ear about the flowers he's chosen and what they mean for him and for us and he'd reduce me to a blubbering mess all over again.

But when I grab his hand? With my wedding ring (one that he's chosen) shining on my ring finger? Oh. I don't even need to say anything. He'll just grip my hand a little tighter, kiss my cheek a little sweeter, and look into my eyes a little longer, and I'll know - he's just as in love with me as I am with him.

[shortpplfedup]

Only Friends Character Rankings Episode 5

It's The Date Episode! And honestly, fucking outstanding. The core six pair off and spend the day lying to themselves and each other. It's mostly cute and sweet but the undercurrent of shit about to hit the fan hangs over the entire episode. It's sort of the calm before the storm. Last week, Boston held onto his top spot in the viewer rankings for the second week in a row, with Ray and Nick rounding out the leaderboard. Can the most miserable bastard in the world do the hattrick? Here's this week's winners and losers.

🔺1. Top (2)

Why don’t you try Lasik? A friend of mine had it, and they said their eyesight is so much better. But now that I think about it…I don’t want you to get it now. I like you better looking like a nerd.

Look, ain't nobody more surprised than me, but this man legit got every goddamn thing he wanted this ep. Top putting on the perfect man act (and I am more convinced than EVER that it's an act) was fascinating to watch. Studiously ignoring all the various signals put out by various other men all day, knowing Mew's eyes are on him. The fucking INSTAGRAM COUPLE PHOTO. And then the knockout blow: when he looked Mew dead in the eye and said 'I love you' I said out loud OH YOU MANIPULATIVE MOTHERFUCKER WELL PLAYED. Do I think Top has bad motives towards Mew, no. I just think he likes the idea of Mew a lot more than he actually likes Mew. And now that Mew's given up that bussy, I'm counting down to Top finding a mistress to give him some variety.

🔺2. Nick (3)

-You’re acting weird. -Weird how? I’m just… I’m just shuffling up my style.

Speaking of getting everything you want, Nick looked like he won the lotto when Boston started talking about settling down. Never mind that Nick is doing ALL of Boston's work for him. Never mind that 3 separate people have now told Nick that Boston ain't shit. Nick is euphoric. Nick has ascended. Nick is doodling 'Mr. Nick Boston's-last-name' in his Trapper Keeper. Nick is going to the gym and dressing more upscale. Nick is giggling when Boston asks to spend the night instead of fucking off as soon as they finish fucking. Nick is headed for a crash so great I'm SALIVATING.

🔺3. Boston (6)

I feel like I should stop sleeping around for a bit. It’s been feeling so empty lately. In the end, I want to have sex with someone I can… talk to for a little, you know? Like, have great sex, have good chats, and…someone I can get affectionate with. Right now…there’s only you.

Told y'all you can't keep a bad bitch down for long and Boston's already bouncing back. He might have had a moment of weakness and tried to be nice for exactly one day, but Nick getting drunk and stoned and running his mouth about how cute Sand and Ray were activated his asshole glands. He smelled happiness and said NOT ONE FUCK OF THAT ON MY WATCH. Boston is that Marie Kondo gif, he fucking LOVES mess no matter how much he goes on about hating drama. He will always poke the hornet's nest. Shutting the fuck up was free, but he just COULDN'T. And thank god, because Ray punching him in the mouth was like 3 of the 5 top things that happened this ep.

🔻4. Ray (1)

-That’s a nice top. Where did you get it? -This thing? It’s secondhand.

Whew Ray's day slummin' it was so classic I shed a tear. I can't really adequately describe his facial expression through the whole day, but 'condescending amusement' is closest. His enjoyment of Sand's company is very real, as are his attraction and hints of affection, but he absolutely does not consider that man his equal, and that's why he doesn't even consider the 'boyfriend' label. No matter what Ray's feeling, Sand's demi-monde, not part of his world. He likes that Sand treats him like he's special, he likes that Sand seems to always want him around, he likes that Sand will take care of him, but he'll never take Sand seriously. This would be true even if he wasn't in love with Mew, but being in love with Mew makes it all worse. Pathetic, I love it.

🔹5. Sand (5)

I work. I save up money. I sleep. I dream. I go to bed alone, wake up, and go to work. Until…he came along. It’s like somebody presses pause on all my 24 hours. Next thing I know…I’m living my 25th hour. Ray’s extra hour.

Oh SAND. I've been saying from jump this is hurting most because SAND KNOWS BETTER. When Sand called Ray his 25th hour I wanted to SCREAM because BABY BOY YOU KNOW BETTER. This dude is either drunk or hungover all of those same 24 hours you are grinding out a living, but you wanna spend your birthday with him because he makes you feel sparkly. He stays sneering at how you ain't got no money and work 17 jobs, but because he does it with a twinkle in his eyes you're blind and deaf all of a sudden. He told you HIS MOTHER DRANK HERSELF TO DEATH and you pour him another drink. I ain't feeling sorry for Sand anymore, he did this to himself.

🔻6. Mew (4)

-Does this mean I passed your test? -Yeah. You’ve convinced me that you really only have eyes for me.

Mew really tried to play a player and ended up playing himself instead. Like, in one way he's won: Top's his boyfriend, and honestly very likely to stay that way. But Mew should have been careful what he wished for because 'boyfriend' and 'faithful lover' are two very different things.

⭐7. Sand's mom

You keep nagging at me, you know that? Who between us is the mother, exactly?

WE AIN'T MET THIS LADY FOR NOTHING! My Sand/Top half brothers theory LIVES!

⭐8. Summer

Sorry to chat you up, but I’m alone, after all.

Poor girl's a hottie but didn't stand a chance.

[mads-nixon]

Hoosier Dating an Extrovert Headcannons

Bill "Hoosier" Smith x Extrovert!Reader

Masterlist

A/N: I'm currently obsessed with Jacob Pitts...so you're welcome :) this is about the fictional portrayal of H company boys on the show. nothing but love and respect for veterans on this blog!

You and Bill get along from the beginning, and y'all are the epitome of the grump x sunshine trope!!

Sarcasm and your endless optimism go perfectly together, even if no one fully comprehends it.

Where Bill sits and observes most of the time, you never seem to tire from the excitement, telling him about every second of your day with a bright smile on your face.

He won't admit it, but he finds it incredibly adorable.

When things slow down at night and you're sitting in your foxhole, you two often find yourselves talking about everything from back home to the future.

In the quiet when it's just the two of you, Bill seems to stray away from his usual snarky and blunt attitude for one that's much softer. If Leckie or Runner ever got wind of it, he knows he'll never hear the end of it.

You slowly pick up on some of his traits, your own sarcastic and witty side becoming more prominent. Of course, Bill notices and he feels a sense of pride knowing that he's influenced you...and he teases you relentlessly.

"Now, who'd you get that fine sense of humor from?" he asks you, a smirk adorning his lips.

You just roll your eyes. "Definitely not you, honey. You're not as funny as you think."

The teasing NEVER ends, and the H company guys all love the two of you, so they go along with it.

When the terrible shelling on Guadalcanal started, you happened to be on your way back from the bathroom, so you sprinted towards the first hole you saw.

The men inside were calling for you, and right as you were about to slide in, it was hit with a shell, throwing you onto your back. Seeing the horrific remains of the men inside tore at your insides, and you froze. A second later, you snapped out of it and ran to the next hole over, which happened to be your hole with the boys.

You slide into the hole, and someone grabs you and holds you to their chest. It doesn't take long for you to realize it's Bill. He's got you in one arm and a whimpering dog in the other.

He was going insane not knowing where you were, and having you in his arms calms his nerves slightly despite the bombardment happening around you.

The next morning, he holds your shaking form (wrapped in his *signature* blanket) tightly as you sit outside your hole, staring numbly at the ground ahead of you. From then on, you seem to be more reserved...more quiet, and it worries him and the guys to death.

Whenever things got rough, they (especially bill) always knew you to be the one happy thing in their life (not that you didn't make them happy still ofc, but seeing you so shaken hurt them).

He does anything and everything to make you smile, laugh, and seem like your old self again. You never tell him exactly what happened, but it doesn't take much for him to imagine something along those lines.

You know those little habits that you picked up from Bill? Well, he picked some up from you, too, and he finds himself having a more energetic and extroverted attitude while he's trying to be there for you, cheering you up to the best of his ability.

Slowly, with Bill and the other guy's help, things get better, and you become more like yourself again. Although he's overjoyed that you're back to your bubbly and extroverted self, he's soooo relieved that he doesn't have to pick up the slack on that front...because it is exhausting for him to act like that. He'll leave that to you!

Tag List: @footprintsinthesxnd

[quartzalynlove]

The Hands We're Dealt

Pairing: Cherokee bill x black fem reader

Summary: Bill wanders into your town just to see you

Warnings: angst and use of the n word

A/N: finally watched The Harder They Fall and I still can't resist a man played by my future husband

It hadn't been your week recently. After all the years, the law was finally catching up to you and your gang. After all you sacrificed to build this town where your people could prosper, the man was finally coming to collect.

It started with the law responding just a bit too quick after your hits. That morning, a general of the U.S. army stepped into your town and gave the gang until next week to disperse before his men dealt with you themselves.

You sat with your brothers and sister that had been with you from the start. You would never surrender to the white man, but there was still only so much longer you could run. If there was one thing you hated, it was running, but even if you killed the whole fleet of troops the army sent, you'd never be safe in your town again. Your name would be all over the west.

Tina got your attention, the first to provide a solution instead of just talking about finding one.

"Law's not bad just two counties south from. We could set up there."

You waved your hand dismissively, reaching for the glass of whiskey on your desk.

"The further we run the further they'll spread. Do we keep runnin' til we're in the goddamn ocean?"

The room fell silent as defeat finally sunk into the air. At this rate, the only thing that could help you was a night in the saloon.

Suddenly, the call of a bird echoed into the night, and the corners of your mouth twitched. Everyone looked around curiously.

"That damn bird again."

"Where does it come from?"

They'd only hear it about once a week, but no one ever managed to see it. However, you knew exactly where to find that bird.

You stood from your chair, breaking the murmurs of confusion. "Y'all turn in; I'll deliberate overnight. Keep your senses sharp and your spirits high. I'll die before I let this town burn."

Everyone gave you a nod as they walked out. No matter how stern and sure you were, they all knew what was coming for them. In the empty room, you let out a heavy sigh before downing the rest of your drink.

Bill had waited a while at the back of your office building. Just as he was about to call again, you finally met him, walking slow as the distance closed between you.

"Cherokee Bill," you all but whispered. "In my town?"

A small smirk rested on his face as he leaned against the building. "I must've lost my way, ma'am."

You stared into each other's eyes for a moment before leaning into each other. Bill's hand rested on your hip as he kissed deep into you, hungry for you. You knew that kiss, and you knew the look in his eyes when you pulled away.

"How's Trudy?" You asked.

Bill shrugged. "Still Trudy."

"And Buck?"

"Do you really care?" Bill gave a dry chuckle

"No," you shook your head. "But I need somethin' to talk about, and I can't count on you for that."

Bill smiled as he crossed his arms. "I'm fine, by the way."

You mimicked him as an act of defiance. "I know you are; you better be."

"How are you?" Bill asked sincerely.

There were so many ways you could answer him, but what was Bill going to do about it? Even though you weren't fine, after those fifteen minutes he'd go back to his town and you'd go back in yours to fight your own battles.

"I'm fine," you said. "Need a favor though."

"Anything."

You stiffened a bit in front of Bill. Meeting like that was supposed to be a chance to unwind for the both of you, but you couldn't afford to not think of your work.

You looked up, staring Bill in the eye. "Next time Buck gets a score, make sure it ain't my fuckin' money."

Bill looked down and nodded slowly. A week ago, Buck's gang robbed a train whose company was in business with you, and Buck knew it. You hated how Buck pushed every other gang around like they weren't his people with his goals. He may have been big enough to get away with it, but you weren't going to let your buttons get pushed again.

Bill started to reach into his coat, "That's right," he pulled out two stacks of cash and held it out to you. "Here, it's my cut."

Just managing to hold back your scowl you lashed out at Bill. "I don't need your money, Bill."

"You just said it was yours." He went back at you in that exasperated tone that irritated you.

"And now it ain't," you couldn't yell and get caught with Bill in your town, but the intention came across crystal clear. "The last thing I need from you, Bill, is your pity."

Bill squeezed his eyes shut and faced up at the sky as a frustrated sigh left his lips.

"Take the money, Y/N," he stretched his hand further, his jaw visibly clenched. "You think I agreed with Rufus takin' that money from you. I'm just tryna make somethin' right."

Your face was stone as you huffed at Bill before snatching the money out of his hands, not waiting until later to count through it.

"What's the matter with you," he asked sincerely, scanning over you as if he'd find the answer in your features. "We're not in trouble, are we? I'd rather you step into Redwood and shoot me than let me ride all the way out here to chew my ear off."

As you put the money inside your own coat pocket, you dropped your shoulders. You were still livid, but you stopped directing it at Bill.

"Seventy grand, Bill. That's how much y'all took from me," you waved his finger at him. "I can't run my town off two grand and bank heists. I'm runnin' out of white folk to rob this far west."

Bill nodded in understanding as he brought a hand to your arm. "I know, baby, and I'm sorry."

His hand traveled the length of your arm, and your gaze finally softened. Seeing your curls in the moonlight, Bill brought his other hand to cup your cheek as he leaned in to kiss you once again.

You loved Bill more than anything. In a perfect world it would just be you two as outlaws together. But your hands were already dealt, and you had to see them through the end of the game.

With his hand snaked around your waist, Bill pulled you flush against his body; your hat fell to the ground as you put your arms around his neck. Softly, he pushed you against the wall as his hands and lips started to travel. As he started to push your coat off, he felt your hands on his chest.

"Bill," you called him, staring into those big brown eyes that you knew held your reflection inside. "The army's after me."

A worried crease put itself between Bill's brows. "The army."

"Yup," you said softly before picking your hat off the ground. "General gave us a week before he came back to shoot us niggas down himself. We're thinkin' of runnin'"

"To where?" Bill asked knowing the same thing you did.

"I don't know where, but..."

Bill called your name, and you knew by the look on his face exactly what he was about to say. Usually, he was only dumb enough to say it half drunk off his liquor or love for you.

"Don't you look at me like that, Bill."

As if he knew how stupid what he was thinking was he hesitated before speaking. "I want you to be safe; you and your folks."

You got angry again, stepping closer towards Bill. "And we'll find a way, but I am not moving to Redwood."

Bill just shook his head. "If I talk anymore, you'll shoot me."

"Then hold your tongue."

But he couldn't. Bill couldn't leave your town without trying everything in his power to keep you safe. He knew this ended with you dead, and so did you. For the past few years, a good part of his world lied with you, and he didn't know what he'd do if he lost it.

He said it anyway, talking fast so you didn't have long to act on your reactions. "We've got more men, more resources, and half the state's law work for us. You'd be safe in Redwood."

Bill was right; you were stuck between smacking him across the face or putting a bullet in his leg, but you stayed still with your hands balled in fists.

"Who the hell do you think you're talkin' to?"

"The woman I love—"

"Shut your mouth." The distance closed between you and Bill again, but this time the air around you turned threatening.

"I'll put a bullet in my own head before I work for Rufus Buck, stealin' from and killin' my own kin."

"Buck is building a promised land." Bill remained calm.

You spoke through clenched teeth. "He is building a dictatorship."

Bill looked away and put some distance between you two, "I don't wanna lose you, Y/N." Was all he said with a tired voice.

"But you don't ever think about what I'd lose," your words bit. "You want me to tell my gang that we'll follow the orders of the man who wronged us, and we were forced to wrong back? You ain't thick in the head, Bill."

Bill had nothing to say for himself. He thought it best just to let you talk yourself out.

"You said you didn't agree with Buck stealing from me, yet once we're done here, you'll go running back right to him."

"If I leave Rufus, I'll be on the run for the rest of my life."

"You think I can't protect you?" You cocked your head to the side.

"And what about the army," Bill started to lose his temper. "I want you in my life, Y/N. Since that shoot out in Odessa, all I've wanted is to see you next to me in the morning and take a ride out with you at night. I know how selfish I am to ask you this, but I don't care."

Your lips were in a tight line as a shuddering breath escaped you and tears pricked your eyes.

"You think I don't want the same? Sometimes all I can wonder is how easier things would be if you were here, but these are the hands we've been dealt. You make all this talk about choices, but don't ever make one yourself," you turned from Bill, starting back to your house. "Go on outta here before I shoot you dead."

As Bill watched you walk away, your dress flowing in the wind, he felt part of his spirit die. He didn't have to wait for you to get killed, he lost you all on his own. As he unhitched his horse from a tree nearby, all Bill could do was pray that you'd make a way out of this mess like you always seemed to before.

[emblazons]

this is likely so personal and just. way to much info but there is no where else in my life I could possibly put it and...weirdly, I trust y'all lmfao

There's something so painfully unnerving about having someone be genuinely interested in you after being single for so long, and I don't think—for all of my internal belief that I was ready for "the right relationship" when it came for me—I was prepared for how much there is a very real part of me that desperately wants to run and hide from it solely because it challenges my internal status quo.

The thing is....when I last had a meaningful breakup with a semi-serious partner (2019), I treated being single as a temporary state; something to "get through" until I found a new partner, and I went through the classic dating app gambit and saw men and women and tried to "put myself out there" the way they tell you to do. Then, after realizing how little I wanted to deal with casual dating and hookups—and after being told on my birthday a man I'd been talking to for four months already had a GF of two years—I lost a taste for trying to make something out of nothing and just put sex and dating entirely on the back burner, instead taking the "you can only control you" advice I'd always seen so I could focus figuring out who I was without a partner to constantly distract me from that.

From probably the beginning of COVID, that meant focusing on ...just every single aspect of myself. From healing the mental anguish of burning out of my (then) previous job, finding the bravery to do things I would always do with partners by myself (going to the movies, going out to eat, even shit like solo international travel) and even just letting my "inner nerd" come to the fore because I didn't have anyone looking at me funny for doing things like spending hours writing Stranger Things analysis or learning to make gifs (lol), I've spent nearly the last four years just...learning to like all the random corners of myself as myself, finding out what it felt like to go to sleep alone and content with the woman staring at me in the mirror.

In doing that though...so much fell into place for me in so many areas it never managed to when romance was a priority. I got a job that I absolutely love, and make more money than I even thought possible ever, nevermind before 30. I went from having roommates and shit credit to having my own apartment and fixing a lot of the financial mistakes I made in my early 20s. I learned to take better care of my body—going to all the doctors i had avoided for years, taking accountability the aspects of my health I could control, and losing the nearly 60 lbs I gained from illness and medicine (and poor habits) in that previous 4 year period. I traveled to New Zealand for the first time, went to all the concerts and music festivals and events that growing up poor had denied me, and learned how to be comfortable doing everything from buying cars to making serious appointments all alone. All of that happened because I was single, not in spite of it—and as I realized how much mental space "the pursuit of love" had taken from everything else, being single slowly started to feel like a boon from the universe in a way my formerly partnered or "crushing" or "dating" self could not have even dreamed.

Granted—that was not an easy process. Even right now I'm not sure it would be honest to say I always enjoyed it, especially at first. Some days being "single and not looking" felt like the world was crushing me under the weight of being alone, from how much easier it seemed emotionally, mentally and even financially for my partnered friends (because "a burden shared is a burden halved" as they say) to the way when the walls closed in and life got really hard, the only other being in the room was my cat and....maybe God.

Learning not to be annoyed when one of my friends found someone they loved and wanted to be with seriously—often moving toward marriage, because that's the era of life I'm in—was still a challenge, and not wanting to bite people's heads off when they said "but aren't you lonely" still happened a fair amount. Slowly becoming desensitized to my body as a sexual entity felt strange at first, but then it slowly changed into something comforting as I realized that a lot of the sex I was having before wasn't rooted in an expression of affection or desire for my partner, but expectation, habit, and a refusal to accept that I was actually pretty fucking demisexual. I started looking at my own relationship history and other people's as something to be studied and considered not emotionally, but logically—and slowly slipped into a version of myself the me of my early 20s could not have ever fathomed.

It wasn't even until I was in New York in May that I realized, probably for the first time in all that time, that I had accomplished all of what my "intentionally single era" was designed to do. I was a featured speaker on a panel with one of the largest design magazines in the entire world—but more than that, I was someone I liked, respected, and wanted to be, because when I looked in the mirror, who stared back made me happy as fuck to know.

So, I said I would be more open to meeting new people again. And within—I shit you not—three weeks, this man shows up on my birthday of all days and within five meetings wheedles his way not just into "oh he's kind of cute" territory, but all the way to me kissing his cheek, saying his mispronunciation of a word he's only read is cute and holding his hand at a concert on a random Wednesday.

I literally cannot tell you how unnerving that feels. I cannot tell you how much I can feel the walls of my four years of singleness wanting to shut him out despite all the green flags he's managed to present at record fucking speed, especially compared to all the partners I had before him. I cannot tell you how much even the usually nice feeling of liking someone feels sullied by my own sincere doubt this is going to work out in the long run, or how even the smallest things he does that aren't like me feel like giant red flags because I've spent so much time focusing solely on myself even a smidgen of someone else in that space feels enormous.

I cannot tell you how weird it feels to have someone look at me with desire, both for my body and to know me more; how weird it feels to sense the starting of attraction in myself because someone has laid so much of themselves at my feet and still stayed present despite my overwhelming desire to isolate and intellectualize. To me, its been four seconds of my life since I met this man—someone who I honestly didn't even think I would like that much, and who made me defensive solely because he was reaching for something I wasn't even sure I was ready to give—and him being intentional about seeing me, remembering things about me and complementing me feels like an overstep...even though it's probably one of the healthiest things that could be happening to me.

Even the fact that I told him about my family, my struggle with anxiety and my distancing myself from sex for so long feels fucking insane to ME, and I'm the one who did it. It feels like this little lonely, touch-starved gremlin inside of me has been let out of her cage on a leash and still managed to run to the front of the deck and start barking directions. Two inches forward feels like a mile when you've spent just under half a decade not moving at all—and while I don't feel overwhelmed by it yet, this whole thing gives me anxiety even as I'm nearly desperate at this point to let myself explore it.

I don't know. I might regret even say this, though I don't think so; even if it doesn't work out, it was going to happen sometime and with someone. I just. Its new. Its different. It is just about as far out of my comfort zone as I could get, and that feels weird to say considering how the me of "before" would have laughed at how little has actually been done. There really isn't anything to do at this point but see it through as far as it makes sense to—and to accept the want that it returns to me, no matter how horrifying that seems in the moment...and as he texts me, as I write this even now.

I'm nervous, I'm anxious, and I'm excited. Right now, I think that's all i've got.

[ask-commander-arild]

what was it like for you when you were first taken from your home and forced to work for the pigmasks? did they threaten you to join? im sorry, either way it must have been a hard time for you.

It... was very hard. It still is. I don't like to talk about it very much, but... I feel like if I don't get it out at some point, I might just explode. So, well... where do I even start..?

When I was 11 years old, just weeks before my 12th birthday, I... hmmm... I got up one morning, got dressed, got my backpack, got breakfast, and watched some tv. It was the same as every morning. The only difference... before I left, I... got into an argument, with my mamma. It's been so long now, I don't even remember why, but I can imagine I probably did something stupid. We both said some pretty... not great things to each other, and then I slammed the door and left in a huff. I didn't care what the consequences would be once I got home, that was a problem for future me, I was just going to go to school and worry about it later. But, then...

I was on my way to the bus stop... and I... it happened so fast, I didn't even have any time to react. There were three of them, they grabbed me and... it was a blur after that. Next thing I remember, I was in a place surrounded by men in lab coats and strange uniforms, and they explained who they were (which, you already know, evidently), and I... may have punched a few people out of fear. Unfortunately, one boy vs a group of trained soldiers doesn't exactly end well... After that, I... don't know... I remember being approached by a caped soldier in a white uniform. He said something like "Y'know kid, we could really use someone with that kinda attitude. A little discipline and I think you'll make a fine addition around here." or.. something along those lines...

The thought of that terrified me. I didn't want to join them, I didn't even want to be there. I just wanted to go home to my family. I tried refusing, but... they gave me two choices. Either join their ranks and become a soldier, or be brainwashed and made to forget everything. I feel stupid for it now, but... well, obviously, you know what I chose. Thus, I've spent the past few years right here, in the army, and as much as I wish I could say I've hated it, I really don't know if I'd have it any other way. Overall, the army has done some terrible things, and I have always hated that, but on the other hand, getting to know my brothers in arms and making such a deep connection with them has been one of the best experiences in my life. Even still....

From the moment I was taken, I have missed my family desperately. Letting my lillesøster play with my toys, even if I found her annoying. Playing games with my storebror, even if he found me annoying. Going fishing and camping with my pappa, even if I was a little afraid of him, haha. And my mamma... jeg savner henne så mye... As much as I've enjoyed the past few years, there's nothing I want more than to be in her arms again. But, even if I can go back now, would she... even want to see me? After the things I said to her? Does she even care that I'm gone now? What if she's happier now that she never has to see me again? I don't think I could ever go back and face her again. Especially now, being a chimera. What would she say if she saw me? She'd probably see me as some kind of monster. I can't go back...

Thanks for the question, friend...

(ooc: Ooooo, boy, this one was tough to write, in more ways than one. I teared up more than a couple times writing, tbh. I did have a lot of fun writing it, though. Even still, I'm not the most proud of it. I def think I could do better, but oh well. Also, this post has a lot of Norwegian, and thus a lot of google translate. I have no idea if it's grammatically correct, but I just hope it gets the point across. If anyone who's Norwegian somehow finds this blog, HELPPPP. Anywho, sorry for the long read, y'all. Hope you enjoyed it! Thanks for the ask, Hal Pinkalliums!!)

[diagonal-queen]

If the BSD boys were my coworkers

♡ characters: Atsushi Nakajima, Dazai Osamu, Chuuya Nakahara, Akutagawa Ryuunosuke, Kunikida Doppo, Ranpo Edogawa, John Steinbeck, Edgar Allan Poe

♡ synopsis: How would these boys be if they were my coworkers?

♡ cw: Swearing, knives, mentions of sexual harassment

note: For clarification I'm a retail assistant at a grocery store. So basically how good are these boys at stocking vegetables and being nice to people? This is extremely self indulgent, which I apologise for. Also apologies for errors and I hope you enjoy x

Atsushi:

Would be so good with helping customers. I'd always be calling after him to get me out of trouble with mean old customers lol

Like me would also be bad with the wrapping machine T-T

Pretty good at his job, not totally brilliant but also not bad. I think it'd be fine if I were left alone with him for a little bit

The kindest coworker I could ask for honestly he'd always be there to help me if I needed his help

Would bring me back a snack or cake from a nearby bakery or cafe from his lunch break <3

Like me, would find it very hard to not just start eating all the fresh fruit while he's stocking it (I kin him a lot guys lmao)

Actually like super duper efficient and we'd be able to get our work done pretty quickly. The last half hour or so of our shifts would be so slow

Would always ask me to be careful if I were using a knife to do something because he's just a sweetie

Dazai:

This dude would be so damn slow when restocking food honestly and it would be infuriating lmao

Wouldn't be very thorough when checking stock so I'd probably be finding a bit of rotten fruit while working :'(

He'd be fun to hang out with in the back though, would definitely flirt on company time and hold the both of us up lol

Would do that thing where you stand behind someone who's trying to reach something in a high shelf and you'd get it for them but also lowkey lean against them. All the time

Would be good at remembering which stock we have and what we don't have though

He would be so good and charismatic with customers, especially old women they'd call him a charming young gentleman and all that stuff

Always forgets to bring his shit (nametag, pen, apron etc.) to work and would probably have to continuously borrow things

The thing with him is that he's legitimately good at all of it but he just chooses to be incompetent just because T-T

Chuuya:

Would be so. fucking. GOOD at this job holy shit.

Super good at wrapping stock and would get the hang of all the machinery and stuff immediately

Would be civil to customers unless they give him shit then he'd give it right back lmaoo

He would definitely also defend me if I was being bullied by Karens or being harassed by male patrons (during the daytime there's my adult male coworkers and then there's me, a small girl who looks like fifteen or some shit. Y'all know I be gettin called 'sweetie' by men four times my age)

Would always be very salty about having to use the step to reach stock on high shelves lol

But he'd also be super good at heaving and lifting heavy stuff like potato sacks which I'd have to get him to do for me because I'm weak

Would look so hot in the work uniform highkey

Like the number one coworker I won't lie

Akutagawa:

Akutagawa has a serious case of resting bitch face, so customers would be too worried to approach him lmao and I'd have to help everyone

He makes up for this by being super duper good at presentation and so I'd never have to go around and organise things because they'd always look pretty lol

Probably uses his ability to help him carry things (but only in the back because that would scare customers)

Despite his fighting talent he would not be able to cut vegetables. He would be so confused with it. Same with the wrapping he wouldn't be able to get it right

Would prefer to wear gloves while working

If Gin ever came in to grab some groceries he'd talk to her for a little (and treat her better than all the other customers T-T)

Actually wouldn't be so bad to talk to while working but he would literally never initiate any conversations or small talk

Focuses so hard while he's working and it's honestly so cute

Kunikida:

He would be both good to work with but also crappy to work with hear me out

He would be great at remembering stock, helping me with customers, and helping me reach stuff on high shelves because at work I'm considered short

But he'd also hound me for being too slow or not stacking stuff correctly

That being said, he would always answer any questions that I'd have and explain things to me in a way that I'd understand :)

Works like a machine. I'd never be able to catch up to him at all (and he would hate that)

Would not want me bringing snacks or drinks to work but like what's he gonna do? Waste perfectly good food? Didn't think so Kunikida >:)

Even if he had a super long shift he'd just never tire and always be buzzing (even if he were tired he'd be great at concealing it)

Let's just be glad that he's not working alongside Dazai

Ranpo:

WOULDN'T GET ANY GODDAMN WORK DONE

I love Ranpo to the moon and back but he'd be the most useless fucking coworker of all time

He wouldn't make lists, he wouldn't grab stock and if I'm LUCKY he'd work out the front of the store. He'd use any excuse to stay in the back and just use the label maker and maybe cut vegetables because of how low effort it is

Would be super fun to hang out with if we have nothing to do though. We would talk so much shit about mean customers we encounter and stuff

He'd also bring sweets to work and let me have some sometimes, but only if I nag him about not doing any work

Would stay in the fridge just to breathe out and see mist come out of his mouth (and would also forget to close the fridge door)

Knows the layout of the whole damn store after walking through it ONE time

In conclusion I'm snitching to Fukuzawa

Steinbeck:

Absolute fucking BEAST. This dude is a farmer so he's able to rotate and complete quality checks at lightning speed

Honestly probably wouldn't need much training if any at all. He'd be the employee of the month on the first day

I feel like I'd have tons of free time at the end of my shifts because he'd just finish all the work so fast

Could use his ability to replenish stock. He could, but he won't. Just because he's a bit of a bitch (and people might not want to eat literal flesh vegetables but y'know)

Hums along to the songs that he knows on the radio while he works

Is good at being civil with customers but if they give him lip he's not gonna be as civil for much longer

Always bantering with our other coworkers and DEFINITELY talking shit about annoying customers in our free time

I mean if I want to not have to do very much work on a certain day I'd hope that I'd be working with John lol

Poe:

Would take a little while to get used to it all, because I feel like he's not the type to memorise a bunch of stuff super fast

Would be overwhelmed by customers and might freeze up on them; I'd have to come in and save him

Otherwise, he might just default to 'I'll go to the back and check for you' so he can escape the situation (same)

Would take pretty long while restocking food because he'd want to make it all look nice lol

He'd be scared of the wrapping machine (it has a hot plate to seal wrapping and he'd be scared of burning himself on it)

Might actually always be miserable because he's not allowed to bring Karl to work and so he'd feel lonely :(

He and I would talk about our niche interests when we're finished and have nothing else to do

I mean he could most definitely be worse. No matter how bad he'd be I'd love him anyway

i will do a girls version of this btw

[deadprompts]

𝚃𝙷𝙴 𝚆𝙰𝙻𝙺𝙸𝙽𝙶 𝙳𝙴𝙰𝙳 𝚂𝙴𝙰𝚂𝙾𝙽 𝟼 𝙿𝚁𝙾𝙼𝙿𝚃𝚂.

content warning applies. change any pronouns / wording if necessary.

my people have guns. yours don't.

we're still here.

i can’t watch more names go up on that wall.

hell, they're all gonna be doing that.

i do not appreciate you killing my men.

they made a lot of demands, even more threats.

i know that is a mighty, big, nasty pill to swallow, but swallow it you most certainly will!

this is the next world.

that’s a stupid name.

confrontation's never been something we've had trouble with.

it happened and now it's done.

you want to live, you take chances.

i'm not pissing off a pregnant lady.

the world is trying to die.

the people around you dying, that's the hard part.

the only thing that keeps you from being a monster is killing.

i want to show you the new world.

if you have to eat shit, best not to nibble.

your dad was an asshole.

things can get better. we can make them better.

this is what life looks like now.

doing this will start us down a road where nothing matters.

we're gonna give it to them.

we don't leave anyone behind.

you got one of our guns.

we all have a job to do.

we can't turn back because we're afraid.

look, i get it, my dad killed your dad.

do you have any idea who you are talking to?

someday this pain will be useful to you.

this is your way of life now.

shit’s continually been hitting the fan.

you work for me now.

i like you people.

you keep choosing this life, you will die.

you don't really think that you were gonna get through this without being punished, now did you?

things aren’t as simple as four words.

you are so gonna regret crossing me in a few minutes.

you’re a survivor. you always were.

you can cry.

it’s dangerous, you should change it.

but are you gonna live through it?

and what do you get in return?

i don't take chances anymore.

somebody like that they're gonna die no matter what.

most of the people here don't even know how to fight, even if we had ammo.

we got here together, and we’re still here.

you see? i have leverage.

you still got family and you still got a home.

these dicks just got a good story.

i find this whole conversation pretty funny.

your world’s about to get a whole lot bigger.

trust us.

i wanted to kill him.

there is no right; there's just the wrong that doesn't pull you down.

i will not allow you to kill me. i will not allow that.

we need food. you have it. we're willing to work for it.

sucks, don't it? moment you realize you don't know shit.

we have to come for them before they come for us.

i fully respect the hair game.

then i'll get supplies for your people.

i'm going like i should have.

we keep going for them.

i like the way you call bullshit.

ya'll don't think you're being stupid right now?

you're some kind of stupid, getting knocked up at a time like this.

shit kid. lighten up.

i'm gonna beat the holy hell outta one of you.

i don't wanna kill you people.

we're going to have to fight.

be kind to each other.

y'all are worse than a bunch of evangelical second graders.

i am not like you.

i still think i got some of his brains in my ear.

we don't need to leave breadcrumbs.

dibs is dibs.

when they come for us, we’ll end it. the whole thing.

this was supposed to be a dress rehearsal.

i trust you.

you're one of the most important people in the world to me.

good luck, dumbass.

you wanna make today your last day on earth?

you point a gun at me, and i’m the asshole?

people you love, they made you who you are.

we pissin' our pants yet?

i'm not planning to die today.

you're the one who's afraid to die. and you're going to. you will die.

you go or you stay. those are your choices.

i know this sounds insane, but this is an insane world.

you need to know things aren't as simple as they might seem.

i have come to believe, all life is precious.

they're all your people.

you're smarter than that.

walkers, people, anything that gets anywhere near me, i kill them.

jesus! you look fucking shitty!

listen, i'm a little nervous here.

are you going to kill me?

which one of you pricks is the leader?

things moved slow here, and then things just started moving fast, too fast.

don't come after me, please.

you thought you were safe. i get it.

you live with it or it eats you up.

you can breathe.

did you take one of my protein bars?

[hummingbird-hunter]

Ough maybe I'll write like. A full post one day but I'm having a migraine and. Ough this is not going to be eloquent. Anyways

I think a lot of you tumblr trans people need to go outside. Like I don't mean in it a mean way; but for me personally I was a part of irl trans community before I was on tumblr or had any online trans community and honestly a lot of issues people are talking about here are. Not a thing irl?

Like some sort of fighting between transmascs and transfemmes? That's not a thing in real life. Maybe it is a thing in real life but only when almost every person in the community is chronically online or something.

For the longest time I didn't understand the concept of transmisandry and I've seen it a lot on this webbed site. I was even like. Cautious of it because I know several irl trans men who after they transitioned and started passing started being misogynistic to pass. Or just misogynistic. So at first I was like wait is it like the incely Men's Rights Activism trans edition?? And then I read more and apparently transmisandry is. People not believing that trans men experience misogyny??? People thinking that trans men have the same standing in society as cis men??? Which is like. Have you Ever been outside. I want to apologize to some of my mutuals for being critical when y'all were posting about transmisandry I never said anything outloud but I was judging you in my mind. But now that I know what transmisandry really is I'm like. In my defense that's not a thing in non-radfem non-chronically online spaces. At least the spaces I've been to?? Like I believe you that that is something that's real and that you've experienced. But also that just sounds so unbelievably chronically online and stupid to me. Like what do you mean people think trans men don't experience misogyny. Do people think misogynists can sniff out trans men before they transition and like. Not be sexist to them?? Anyways.

And like. A lot of other issues that I would've expanded upon if my head didn't hurt like a bitch. Like those are some twitter ass problems. Like people not being feminist anymore?? Because they think all feminists are terfs???? Which is like. I know in some countries terfs have like. Actual standing in society and government and like. Are an actual threat. But like. In most places if you go Outside. Feminism is good and needed and terfs have no friends. They only can go on twitter and tiktok and shit. Most irl feminist spaces are. You know. Actually feminist. At least from what I've seen?? When I'm Outside. Anyways. I think a lot of you and I say that with all the love in my heart need to go Outside

And like I know that sometimes transmisandry is also a problem Outside. Sometimes trans infighting is a problem Outside. Sometimes terfs are a problem Outside. And if you experience these problems Outside its valid and I hope things get better to Outside where you are.

But a lot of you have seen these problems online and never ever went Outside and I think you should try it because a lot ofbthe time Outside is not tumblr and normal not chronically online people are Normal about stuff so maybe you should talk to Normal people yeah yeah. Fuck I'm hungry but if I get up my head will Hurt again. Anyways go Outside and also send me Beams of Get Better. Bye.