#you would think I would know better given this is the third time I’ve done this

[sweet-as-kiwis]

I should pack my clothes for college! That’s such a great idea! (<- just packed all the clothes they Like wearing and is left with a single outfit for five days)

[heavenbarnes]

okay hear me out— softness and gentle topics aside, how would older bf!simon go about discussing his mom & Tommy? would it ever occur? Would it be a vulnerable and gentle discussion with sins laid on the table or would it be like pulling teeth— panic attack arises and the words are spewing.

at first I’d have headcanoned it that maybe we innocently question the clinginess but I’m not so sure anymore; feels like that would just be second nature for the two.

i’ve never ventured into this topic because it’s literally so devastating that i almost considered writing it out of canon for him- but it’s time 🫶🏼 (massive tw for family loss)

the day older bf!simon tells you about his family, it’s at breakfast.

he’d made the food and you’d made the coffee, both expertly passing each other in your kitchen until you’d settled at the table.

when he told you, you had toast hanging out your mouth.

“pardon?”

“i had a family”

you weren’t really talking about anything in particular, so you made quick mental work of skimming over your conversation until you found where this was coming from.

sunny outside, nice day, should go to the farmers market, get groceries, it’ll be crowded, family day-

i had a family

had.

oh.

your heart had start to speed up in your chest and part of you was scared simon’s military precision hearing would be able to tell.

judging by the look on his face, distant, quiet- he couldn’t hear the thrumming against your sternum.

you were thankful, it meant he kept speaking.

“my mum and my brother, tommy- he had a missus too and a kid”

had.

oh god.

he wouldn’t look at you, his gaze drifted out the window and onto the birds that were floating over the fruit tree in the backyard.

you couldn’t say there was much of you to look at, a hardline of your mouth and eyes that were willing themselves not to water.

“they weren’t in a good way- but i helped them get better”

the corners of your lips quirked reflexively but it fell away just as quickly, unable to escape the voice in the back of your head that kept saying the same thing.

had.

why is every thing in the past tense?

probably for the same reason this is the first time you’re hearing this story. when is the right time to get to this part?

the moment he cuts the rope, lets you down from where he’s had you hanging- you wish you could react in any other way.

instead, your mouth hangs open while your hand does its best to cover it.

the toast goes cold, so does the coffee.

the tears break through of their own accord.

and he still won’t look at you.

“oh, simon”

your mind races in a way you’ve never felt before, thoughts you’d never had before rising to the surface.

first, you want to hurt someone, anyone- whoever you can blame for doing this to simon.

(you quickly realise he’s probably already done that)

second, you want to take him by the shoulders and tell him that this was never his fault.

that there was nothing he did or could’ve done to deserve this.

and you’re sure that there’s layers to his job and things he’s done and seen that’d make him think that cannot be true.

but you don’t care- there is no human alive that could ever deserve what you’ve just been told.

you don’t care.

you love him.

third, you start to make sense of some of simon’s behaviours.

the way he calls your name when you’re at the other end of the house, just to know where you are.

the way you can turn around at any given moment and find him closer than your shadow.

the way he calls you on deployment only to hear you tell him you love him and you’re still home waiting.

the way he cannot exist without a hand on you, without knowing where you are, without knowing you’re still his.

and there you go again, wanting to hurt whoever put him in this position.

grateful to be able to love him how he needs but angry- blind rage in knowing what he went through to get to this point.

it’s why you’re out of your seat and wrapping your arms around his shoulders the minute you hear even a sniff.

you let him ruin your shirt with tears as strong arms wrap around your waist, pulling you so close into him you wouldn’t be at all surprised if the particles shifted just enough for you to become one.

as if you weren’t already.

you’d never, never ever, questioned simon’s ever present need to be close. you’d come to accept it, enjoy it, miss it when he was gone.

it was never overbearing, never out of line, always right when you needed it.

reminding you that he was there.

that he loved you.

that he needed you.

just as much as you needed him.

and god, did he need to be needed.

did he need you to pass him the pickle jar (even when you could open it just fine)

did he need you to make him take the rubbish out (when you could do it yourself)

did he need you to call him when the car was making a funny sound (when you knew it was the fan belt)

did you need him to pull you into his lap at the end of a long day and rest his lips against the crown of your head as he rubbed slow circles into your back.

like you were doing for him now.

“simon, i just need you to know- i’m not going anywhere”

you made it to the farmer’s market, eventually. it was crowded, meaning simon’s arm never let your waist.

not that you mind.

not that you ever mind.

[panlight]

One thing I always think about when the vegetarian vampire debate comes up: We’re told that animal blood tastes bad. As a picky eater who was often forced by my parents to eat food I didn’t like when I was a kid, I know how bad of an experience eating actually is when you’re forced to eat food you don’t like. So now imagine you’re suddenly living a life where your only choices are hunt and kill your own food which is a species you used to be and is able to communicate with you and beg for their life, or never enjoy the taste of your food ever again. And on top of that, unless you kill these beings, you have a perpetual burning sore throat!

This is another major reason Breaking Dawn didn't work for me. I had read all of SM's 'personal correspondence' on the Lexicon before I read BD, so I had it in my head that being a vegetarian was like, just The Worst. It was a huge sacrifice. It was strep throat and food you hated forever. It was noble suffering. And I vibed with that! I love that stuff! It's the exact same reason newborn!Carlisle trying to kill himself gets to me. Someone sacrificing themselves or suffering to spare others suffering is just *chef's kiss*. I love it.

As you said, animal blood is supposed to be a poor substitute. It all tastes pretty bad, but some of it (bears for Emmett, mountain lions for Edward) is marginally better depending on personal taste. But it's still the low-sodium sugar-free reduced-fat version of your favorite food at best. And that's not getting into the physical and psychological stuff! Here's how SM talked about vampire thirst in conversation with the Twilight Lexicon:

In the Twilight world [. . .] Thirsty vampires are in acute physical pain. It is comparable to the feel of a third degree burn inside your throat. It can make a vampire literally crazy for relief—beyond thought. If your hand was on fire and there was a bucket of ice water beside you, would you resist that relief? Of course not. You would have no reason to. Back to the average vampire’s viewpoint, neither does a vampire have a reason to resist. There is a fire, he or she quenches it. Problem, solution. It is not about pleasure as much as relief of pain for the thirsty vampire. There is pleasure in the act, but it does not influence the motivation before the act as much as the pain does. The well-fed vampire has more decision making ability left to him or her. (Except in the rare case when a human’s blood is so potent to a particular vampire that it sets his or her throat on fire like they haven’t drunk in months. There is more pleasure in the act in this situation, too, just as there is more pain in the motivation.) Blood drinking is an imperative. Even for a vampire who keeps his or her system full of animal blood, the lack of human blood is constant pain. I think the only human state that is even close to comparable is anorexia. Anorexia is too hard on a human body—in the end, if not given up, it kills a human. Vampires can’t be killed by starvation, so they manage. But it’s harder than you’re giving them credit for. My philosophy is this: I can’t judge vampires, because I’ve never done anything as physically difficult—nothing even close!—as giving up human blood is to them.

Maybe it's just me, but I got NONE of that from Bella's narration in Breaking Dawn. It's not a thing. She's supper happy all the time. Her thirst is barely mentioned. And I was like, what?! Where is the burning pain? Where is the unending ache? Where is the gnawing hunger for something you are denying yourself because to indulge would mean someone else's death?

I suppose you can handwave it as Bella being good at blocking things she doesn't want to think about, but this is usually in regard to like, fishing trips with Charlie, and not a supernatural constant pain in her throat. She complained plenty about things like the rain but is unbothered by vampiric thirst pain apparently.

Again, I was here primarily for the vampires (and werewolves shifters) but in Breaking Dawn it's like SM gave up any pretense she was actually interested in the vampire stuff. Edward angsts and suffers and denies himself and it's noble and romantic but the instant Bella's a vampire those themes are gone. She has one slightly tense meeting with Charlie on literally day two and after that thirst is just whatever. She's a sparkly superhero instead.

[callsign-magnolia]

Undiagnosed // Ch. 14

MATURE CONTENT 18+

Jake Seresin x Neurodivergent OC

Summary: Katie Blair grew up trying to be the perfect daughter. She always struggled to be the prim and proper little girl her parents wanted. Big personality as a kid, but now at 25, she's the shy admiral's daughter who just keeps her head down and tries to get through law school. So what happens when she's had enough and with help from a certain Lieutenant, she gets out.

Warnings: Emotional abuse, trauma response, abusive parents.

Word Count: 6.1k

Chapter 13 | Masterlist

I was up early the next morning to have a good breakfast before I started my exams. In his off time, Jake has started to sleep in a little, but never after eight a.m. So I made some eggs for protein and reheated some biscuits and bacon Jake made yesterday morning. I thought back to last night, the way Jake smiled at me as we ate. I wanted to believe there was more there but I wouldn’t allow myself. If I can help it, I will not have my heartbroken. Just because he’s nice to me doesn’t mean he has feelings for me. Once the food was ready I sat at the island to eat. I was itching to grab my papers to study but I think if I look at another anatomy question before this test my brain just might turn to mush. So I sat quietly and ate. Once I was done I washed everything and put it away before setting up at the kitchen table with Jake’s laptop. I had five minutes before the test started so I poured another cup of coffee just as Jake came downstairs. “Mornin’.” He said and I was startled as his hands fell to my waist and he kissed the back of my head. “Good morning.” I replied. The kisses don’t catch me off guard much anymore, but he’s never held me like that. “You about to start your first exam?” He asked and I nodded. “They said it could take about four hours each.” I said and he hissed. “Really?” He asked and I nodded. “I’ll be done around four.” I said sitting back down at the table. “I’ll make you some lunch for you in between.” He said and I smiled at him. “Thank you.” 

“I will be quiet as a mouse while you take your test, don’t worry about me.” He said and I nodded, smiling at him. I looked down at the computer and saw the timer drop to one minute. “One minute.” I said and he smiled at me. “Good luck.” I started the exam and by question four Jake was making noise. “Shit!” He yelled and I looked up. He was holding his finger, blood seeping on the floor as he mouthed ‘sorry’ at me. I wanted to get up and help him, but if I got up the website would kick me out and I’d be given a zero. So I sat and took my exam, breezing through it and finished within an hour. I stood and Jake looked at me confused. “Are you done?” I nodded. “I don’t know if that’s good or bad.” I said and when I got close enough I grabbed his hand, looking at his finger. “It finally stopped bleeding.” He said as I removed the gauze he wrapped around it. “You really did a number with that knife.” I said and he scoffed. “About took off my first two knuckles.” He said and I smiled at him. I got under the sink and grabbed the first aid kit, and pulled out the iodine and the knuckle bandages. I cleaned it while he finished his food and bandaged it tightly. “There. All better.” I said, tossing everything back into the box. 

“Mama always kissed my injuries.” He said with a devilish grin on his face and held up his finger. A blush crept up my cheeks but grabbed it anyway and kissed it before I kissed his cheek. “There. A little extra to encourage healing.” I said and he chuckled. “I’m feeling better already!” I laughed as I put the box away and washed my hands. “So what are you gonna do until your next exam?” He asked and I grabbed my book from the table and waved it at him. “I’m gonna finally finish this book! Then I have to buy the third one.” He smiled at me. “Is this the longest it’s taken you to finish a book?” He asked and I nodded. “Yes and it's been driving me crazy! I’ve been dying to finish!” I said and plopped down on the couch to fall into the depths of my own imagination. I wasn’t sure how long I sat there but I was broken from my concentration when Jake nudged my knee. “Hey. You got one minute before your next exam.” He said and my head whipped to the clock on the wall. “FUCK!” I screamed, jumping up and rushing back to the table. I still had to log in and get set up. If I didn’t get in on time then I would be locked out. I rushed, logging in and I made it with just a few seconds to spare. I took a deep breath and gave Jake a thumbs up before starting on it. This one almost felt easier than the last, and I wasn’t sure if that was a good thing or a bad thing. I always heard that if you finish first you must not be trying hard enough, but I couldn’t sit here and stare at all these questions for an extended period of time. Then I would start second guessing myself and that was never good. 

Around one p.m. Jake came over and sat next to me. “Want me to start lunch?” He asked and I nodded. “Almost done.” He nodded and got up, rifling through the fridge for whatever he could find. After about twenty minutes I had answered the last question and I stared at the screen, hovering over the submit button. I was so lost in my own head I didn’t notice Jake come up behind me until he wrapped his arms around my shoulder and lean his head down next to mine. “You okay?” He asked and I hoped he wouldn’t feel the heat from the blush rushing up my neck. “Yeah. Just thinking about how when I send this in, that’s it. All I can do is wait.” I said and he hummed. “How long until you hear something?” He asked. “They said a week.” I said and he nodded. We sat like that for a few minutes until I could feel his breath on my cheek. “Click it.” He whispered and without hesitation I did. “I’m proud of you.” He said before kissing my temple. I stared at his muscled back as he went back to the kitchen and finished up lunch. I felt like my heart skipped a beat when he wrapped his arms around me and I fought hard to fight back the feelings in my chest. Fuck, I liked him. A lot. I quickly stood and walked upstairs to my room, needing space. “Get it together, Katie.” I whispered to myself as I took a few deep breaths. A knock on my door startled me. “Katie?” “Yeah?” I answered way too quickly. “You okay?” He asked. “Uh, yeah. I got cold so I came up here for some pants.” I said and quickly got into my dresser and pulled out some black yoga pants. I swung the door open and he was gone. I furrowed my brows and he caught my eye when he came out of his room. “Here.” He held up a sweatshirt for me. “Oh, thank you.” I said, taking it from him. I slipped it on and his cologne enveloped me. “Lunch is ready.” He said as he started downstairs and I sighed. He was not making this easy.

By Thursday I was pacing while I was reading. I couldn’t sit still anymore, the anticipation of if I got in was killing me. I was pacing at the back of the couch, reading the third installment of the ACOTAR series when the front door opened. “Hey.” Jake said and I waved my hand, engrossed in my book. “Hi.” I said. I had chewed most of the skin off my bottom lip and they were raw. Jake walked by and set his bag down before getting in the fridge and grabbing a water. “How long have you been pacing?” He asked and I shrugged, just humming. He furrowed his brows at me but left me alone. An hour later I was sat on the couch, one leg out straight and the other bent under me as I leaned forward, reading. I would read for a few minutes, then stop and scroll on my phone. Soon my foot started bouncing when I turned back to my book. “Okay!” Jake said loudly and snatched my book. “Hey!” I yelled, shooting up from my spot and reaching for my book. But I wasn’t paying attention and almost went over the back of the couch, face down towards the floor but Jake caught me. “Slow down.” He said, helping my back upright. “Okay. You are gonna go upstairs, and put on something cute like you always do, then we’re going out.” He said and I pouted. “What’s wrong with me reading?” I asked. “Nothing. But you’re doing it to distract yourself because you’re anxious. So I’m taking you out.” He said. “Now, go get dressed, darlin’.” I wanted to protest, but I knew it was no use. So I huffed, standing and glaring at him as I stomped my way up the stairs. I threw on a light blue skater dress and slipped on some tan sandals before putting on a little makeup. I walked downstairs to meet Jake who was dressed in simple jeans and I white t-shirt that hugged his biceps.

God did he look good. “Okay, I’m ready.” I said, all annoyance gone as he smiled at me. “Good. Grab your purse.” We walked towards the door and he handed me my purse before he helped me into the truck. “Where are we going?” I asked as he got into the driver's seat. He just grinned at me mischievously. “You’ll see.” He said, backing out of the driveway. I crossed my arms over my chest, one knee over the other and stared at him. “As long as you feed me, I don’t care.” I said and he laughed, reaching over and patting my knee. “Don’t worry, darlin’. I will.” My breath hitched as he touched my knee. He’d touched my arms, my hands, my waist, but his hand on my knee made my nerves light up. We sat quietly, listening to the radio as he drove us down the road. He pulled into a parking lot and I noticed many trees and statues of animals. “Where are we?” I asked as he pulled into a parking spot in the half full parking lot. “Don’t tell me you’ve never been to the zoo!” He joked and slid out. I pulled my lip between my teeth, staring at the entrance. My door opened and I looked down at him, he reached for my hand and grinned at me. Once I got out he smiled down at me. “You ever been to the San Diego zoo?” He asked and I shook my head. “Never been to any zoo actually.” I said and he looked at me in surprise. “Are you serious?” I gave a single nod. “No school field trips?” He asked and I shook my head. “My parents never allowed me to go on them.” I said and his hand gently squeezed mine. 

“Come on then.” He said, dragging me to the entrance. We were hand in hand and it felt so good to have his large hand wrapped around my smaller one. He bought the tickets and we went in. “Well, where do you wanna start?” He asked. “I wouldn’t even know where to start.” He smiled and pointed to a tall pole with multiple signs pointing every which way. “What about the safari?” I asked and he nodded. “If that’s what you want.” I just smiled. “Come on, last ride is at five.” I tugged his hand and pulled him in the direction of the safari. As we walked up there was an older man sitting on a crate at the entrance. “Just in time. The truck is about to come in.” He said with a large smile. We didn’t wait long and many people climbed off the truck. Jake and I got were the only two that got into the truck and we sat down. “What do you think we’ll see?” I asked, excitement thrumming through my body. “I don’t know. I assume animals you’d find in the savannah.” He said and I smiled. The truck started off in a slow roll before slowly gaining speed. It took a few minutes before we saw anything but then I heard some kind of yipping noise. I looked behind us to see a group of zebras. “Jake! Look!” I said, rapidly patting his shoulder and he turned. “I never thought I would see animals like these.” 

The ride was fun. We saw Wildebeest, Antelope, Hyenas and Giraffe’s who leaned their heads down towards us. By the time we were going back to get out I was leaned against Jake and his arm was tossed around my shoulders. We got off and he pulled me away to the reptiles. Iguanas, chameleons, turtles and lizards. They were so cool, but I backed away from the glass slightly as we got to the snakes. “What? Don’t like snakes?” He asked and I shook my head. “No. We were stationed in South Carolina at one point, I was about ten and I was playing in the yard when one struck at me. Never bit me but I took off running and I’ve been scared of them ever since.” I said and he chuckled. “I used to catch them in the barn back home.” He said and my eyebrows shot up. “You mean to tell me you willingly went near snakes?” I asked and he chuckled. “And picked them up.” I shivered at the sheer thought of having a snake in my hands. We went and got ice cream after that and my jaw dropped as he wiped chocolate ice cream on my nose. “You ass!” I yelled at him and he slammed a hand over my mouth. “Not around the children!” He said, motioning to a mom and two kids gaping at us. “Sorry.” I said and we ran off laughing like children ourselves. We wound up in front of the lion enclosure and I looked down at the lion sunbathing in the last light of the day on his back. “That looks so nice.” I said and he furrowed his brows at me. “What?” He asked. 

“Laying out in the sun. It looks warm.” I said and he smiled at me. “You know, if you wanted to lay out in the backyard you could.” He said, smirking at me with a certain glint in his eye. I felt a sense of bravery within me and decided to play the game. “You’d like that, wouldn’t you?” I asked, winking at him before turning and walking away, a little more sway in my hips. The rest of the night was full of subtle flirtations. We stayed at the zoo till it closed and when we left he pit stopped at a liquor store. “What are we doing here?” I asked, the dark surrounding us and allowed the neon lights to be the only light source for us. “Just wait here. You’ll love this.” He slipped out of the truck, leaving it running and jogged inside. I waited in silence until he came out in each hand he had a large handle of coconut rum and tito’s, he stopped and held them up with a goofy grin on his face. I laughed as he climbed into the car and handed me the containers. “What the hell, Jake?” I asked and he smiled at me. “Now, off to dinner. Hope you don’t mind fast food.” He said and I shook my head. “Not at all.” 

He took us to the Sonic that sat down the road from the house and pulled into a stall. We stared at the menu for about ten minutes before ordering enough food to feed the team. “And two Route Forty-Four ocean waters.” I raised a brow and he grinned at me. “Why the drinks?” I asked. “You have to have one.” He said. Soon the food and drinks came out and he set it up perfectly along the large center console. I criss crossed my legs and turned to face him. “Drink some of that.” He said, handing me the incredibly large cup and I drank a considerable amount of it. “Okay, set it down.” I did and held the cup as he popped the lid off and started pouring the rum into it. “What?” I asked with a laugh. “We did this as teenagers. I grew up in a small town and a Sonic was all we had, so we would steal our parents coconut rum or vodka and put it in our slushies.” He said and I grinned at him. “I never did things like this as a teen.” I said, taking the drink back from him and taking a sip before I reeled back. “Strong?” He asked and I nodded. “What did you do as a teenager?” He asked and I shrugged. “Studied. Read. We lived in Connecticut at one point and I used to love sitting outside from spring till fall and I would just read. It was so pretty and I would lay under a few trees in the backyard for hours.” My eyes were closed and I could see the trees above me, their deep, rich autumn colors and the smell of fall in the air. When I opened my eyes I could see Jake staring at me, something in his eyes that I couldn’t quite describe. 

“So, you didn’t go on field trips, did you do anything else for school?” He asked and I shook his head. “Other than graduation, no.” His smile fell as he looked at me. “No homecoming? Football games? Lock ins?” He asked and I shook my head. “Prom?” I looked down at my legs, adjusting my dress. “I wanted to go. I asked. But my parents said no.” I grabbed a cheese stick from the box and tore it in half as he watched me. “I’m sorry.” He muttered and I looked at him. “You have nothing to be sorry for.” He sighed before lifting his burger and taking a bite. Prom was one of those things that you see in movies, and you read it in books and you hear your classmates talking about it. I was dying to go. I wanted to wear the pretty gown and have my hair and makeup done. I wanted to feel like I was part of my class. I had never felt that way, we moved around too much. I had only been at that school for two months, and a few girls asked if I was going. I went home and worked up the courage to ask and my parents said they would consider it. After a few weeks I begged and begged to go, but while everyone else got to go, I was dragged to a naval function. “If you had the chance to go now, would you?” I thought about it and after a moment, I nodded. “I feel like it’s something everyone should experience if they want to. So yeah, I would.” I took a bite of my own burger and a smile grew on his face. “Did you go?” He nodded. “Did you have a date?” I pried and he chuckled. “I took Mandy Masterson. She wore this hideous bubblegum pink dress.” I laughed at him. “What do you have against pink?” I asked and he shook his head. “Nothing. But it was so big that it wouldn’t even fit in my truck, and it had glitter all over. By the time I came home I looked like a disco ball and I was finding glitter in places glitter shouldn’t be for weeks.” He said and we laughed. “Sometimes I still think I find some when I clean out my ears.” 

I had been sipping on my drink and almost blew it out my nose when he said that. I was laughing so hard with a mouth full of ocean water I thought the only way I would breathe again was if I just opened my mouth and let it all flow out. But I eventually caught my breath again and swallowed. “It’s not that funny.” He said while laughing. “Yes it is.” I felt warm, a blush on my neck and I knew it was from the alcohol. I slowed down with my drink and ate my food as we talked. He told me some about his childhood, growing up on a ranch in Texas and all the trouble him and his siblings got into. “Maybe you can meet them someday.” He said, grinning at me. “As long as your brother doesn’t put a snake in my face like he did your sisters.” I said and he chuckled. “Don’t worry. I’d protect you darlin’.” I bit my lip at his words and I could see it, him sweeping me off my feet to protect me from the dangers of his brother. Soon we drove home, cracking jokes and laughing like kids the whole way. Once we were home I got out of the truck and stumbled slightly. “You good?” He asked, looking at me from the front of the truck. “Just dandy!” I said with a grin. I reached in and grabbed my purse, drink and food bags before walking inside. I threw away the bags and set my drink in the fridge before going back outside and grabbing the alcohol to bring in. 

“You know, I don’t think I've checked my phone all night.” Not that anyone would’ve texted me or anything like that. I reached into my purse and rooted around for my phone. “I know it’s in here.” I muttered. I all but climbed into the bag searching for my phone when someone cleared their throat behind me. “Looking for this?” Jake asked as he waved my phone in the air. “Oh, thank you.” I laughed and reached for it, but he held it up over his head. “Please.” I said and he smirked. “That’s not the magic word.” He said and I looked up at him through my lashes, biting my bottom lip. “Thank you for tonight, and you looked very, very handsome.” I said, my finger tracing his sternum. I swore I heard him gulp and he lowered his arm. “And you look beautiful.” He said and I grinned, snatching my phone from him and walking out of the kitchen. I clicked my phone on and saw a few notifications but I had about ten emails. I sifted through them and saw one from USD and SDSU respectively. “Oh my god.” Anxiety struck and I tossed my phone on the couch, hardly able to look at it. I chewed my nail for a moment before grabbing it and opening the one from the University of San Diego first. I took a deep breath and read it. ‘Miss Motley, thank you for your interest in our program but we are sad to say you have been denied entry into our nursing program.’ Tears stung my eyes and I sniffled as I set my phone down. I didn’t want to cry, not loudly at least. I realized I still had one more email to look at, so I wiped my cheeks and grabbed my phone and opened the email from San Diego State University. 

‘Miss Motley, thank you for your interest in our program.’ I sighed, setting my phone down and wiping my eyes. I knew I should continue reading it, but it started the same way as the last. I tried not to be negative and took a deep breath before lifting my phone up again. ‘Congratulations on your acceptance into our nursing program.’ I got in. I got in! A scream escaped me as I jumped in the air, practically touching the ceiling as I did. “WHAT’S WRONG?!” Jake yelled and I let out another scream before saying. “I GOT IN!” I rushed him, jumping into his arms. I didn’t care if he wanted to hold me or not, I needed to be held.“You got in?!” “I got in!” He squeezed me to him and swung me around. “Which one?” He asked as I looked down at his face. “SDSU!” I felt like I should sprint, I wanted to jump so hard I could put a hole in the floor, I felt like I could win an MMA fight. I had to do something or else I thought I would explode, appendages flying across the room. My body was practically vibrating and Jake walked over to the couch, still holding me and he set me down. He sat next to me and took my phone, reading over the email. I repeatedly slammed my hands down on the couch as I squealed and he chuckled. “Congratulations, darlin’.” He said, his finger hooking under my chin and turning my head to face him. 

“You really truly deserve this.” He said, his finger still under my chin as I smiled at him. “You really think?” I asked and he nodded. “I know.” His eyes flicked to my lips then back to my eyes. I grinned at him, leaning forward ever so slightly. Kiss me, please. I don’t want to hold back anymore. Those thoughts were mine and mine alone, but with the way he was looking at me, it was like he had all access to my mind and everything inside. His hand came up, resting on the side of my neck, holding me close. He moved ever so slightly closer and I could feel his breath fanning across my face. His green eyes met mine and I couldn’t help myself anymore. I surged forward, my lips colliding with his in desperation. But that desperation was returned as his other hand went into my hair, fingers tangling in it. My hands reached up, running across his chest before gripping his shoulders. I moaned into the kiss, and I felt him grin. He tugged on my hair and I gasped, allowing his tongue to tangle with mine. I slid closer, desperate to close the space between us but Jake let go of my neck and wrapped his arm around my waist, hauling me into his lap. 

I sat perched on his lap, he held me close as I wrapped my arms around his neck, moaning into his open mouth and I felt him grow hard beneath me. I couldn’t help but grind down on him, making him groan. “Do you know how hard it is to have a pretty little thing like you living in my house and I can’t do shit about it.” He said against my lips. I wanted him to touch me. Touch me in all the places he hadn’t yet. My breasts, my legs, my ass, my wet core. Suddenly he pulled away, both of us gasping as he rested his forehead on mine. “Why’d you pull away?” I asked, gasping. How badly I wanted to kiss him again. “We still need to celebrate.” He said with a grin and I bit my lip, arching my back slightly and tangled my fingers in the hair at the base of his neck. “Mm, but I liked the way we were celebrating, and I could think of other ways.” I said, leaning in and kissing him once. “Fuck,” He groaned, his head falling back. “I want to. God, I want to. But we’re both intoxicated.” He said as his hands rested on my waist, one of his thumbs brushing just below my breast. “I feel fine.” I said and he gave me a small smile. “Sure you do.” He was right and as much as I hated it, we shouldn’t. “But we will celebrate however you want.” He said and I grinned. “I want the rest of my drink. Some fresh chocolate chip cookies from the dough I have in the freezer and a good movie.” He grinned, standing with me in his arms and walking upstairs. My heart sped up, a small part of me hoping he changed his mind but my hopes died when he set me in front of my bedroom door. “You put on something comfy and I’ll get everything set up.” 

I nodded and he walked downstairs. I knew exactly what to put on. The satin emerald green tank top and shorts, I saw the way Jake looked at me the last time I had them on, I was hoping to draw out the same reaction, maybe more. Once I was satisfied with how I looked I went into the bathroom and cleaned my face of the makeup and slid my glasses back on. I went downstairs and Jake handed me the giant styrofoam cup and I took a sip. I looked up at him and he smiled down at me. “Why don’t I roll the dough out and place them while you go change.” I said, taking the roll of parchment paper from him. He grinned down at me. “Alright.” He disappeared and I couldn’t help but wonder what he was hiding beneath those jeans. I shook my head, attempting to get the thoughts out. I was getting a little extreme, I needed to calm down. I got the cookies placed on the baking sheet and in the oven by the time Jake came back downstairs. Then everything in my head flew right out. The gray sweatpants accentuated the bulge between his legs and his tan skin contrasted, making his muscles and lines all very noticeable. He grinned helping me place the cookies on the baking sheet and we soon popped them in the oven. “Okay, what movie do you wanna watch?” He asked, raising his eyebrows and taking a sip of his drink. “I really don’t know. Something I've never seen before.” I said and he nodded. 

We were silent for a minute before he turned to me. “Have you ever seen The Longest Ride?” He asked and I shook my head. “It’s a romance but it’s pretty good in my opinion.” He said and I nodded. “Then let’s watch it.” He grabbed both of our drinks and we made our way to the couch. The cookies would take a few minutes so we gathered blankets to cover ourselves up with. We waited till the oven beeped and we pulled them out before starting the movie. We got all the cookies on the plate and we flopped down onto the couch next to each other. He turned on the movie and I spread out the blankets before pulling the plate close. He set the remote down once the movie started and turned to me. He reached down, hands gripping my ankles before he hauled my legs into his lap. I couldn’t help the giggle that escaped me and he grinned at me. “Alright, give me a cookie.” I lifted one off the plate and held it out, I expected him to take it but instead he bit down on it, taking half of it in his mouth. He leaned his head back, moaning loudly, and I realized I wanted to be the one drawing those noises from him. “God, these cookies are better than sex.” He said and I bit my lip. Probably not better than sex with me. I thought it and I could feel heat creeping up my neck from the thoughts. 

We ate the cookies and watched the movie, my head on his shoulder and one hand on his chest. His right arm was wrapped around my waist and the other was rubbing soft circles on the outside of my thighs, his thumb occasionally creeping close to the inside. I finished my drink and I looked up at him. He was watching the movie intensely. Heat was coursing through my body and all I wanted were his lips on mine again, or really anywhere else. I leaned up slightly, my lips pressing against his neck, and as soon as I touched him, his hands gripped me tightly. I smirked, placing another kiss to his neck and after a minute his breathing picked up, chest heaving before he turned to me, my lips losing contact with his skin. I thought he would tell me to stop but instead his lips pressed against mine roughly and my hands threaded into his hair. I felt him grow hard under me, his length pressing against my thigh as his hands made their way up under my tank top. They were so warm against my skin and I tugged him closer. He pushed me till my back was flush with the couch cushions and he moved my legs to settle himself between them. “Fuck.” He moaned against my lips and I gasped, his hand sliding down between my legs, discovering exactly how wet I was for him. His lips attacked my neck and my nails grazed his back. 

He pulled away, forehead resting on mine as he tried to catch his breath and I attempted to pull him closer. “Katie.” He breathed my name and it sounded so good rolling off his lips. I stopped and opened my eyes, seeing him staring down at me. “Fuck.” I groaned, taking a deep breath. “Sorry. I’m so sorry, Jake. You said not to and I-” “It’s okay. Trust me, I’m struggling to resist just as much as you are.” He was still staring down at me as the credits rolled and I bit my lip. “You have work tomorrow.” It was already late and I knew he had to be up early. “Yeah, I do.” He replied, but neither of us made a move for a moment until I cleared my throat. Jake stood, and I followed. “You go to bed. I’ll clean up.” I said and he shook his head. “No, I’ll help.” I didn’t have it in me to argue, so he helped me straighten up before we both headed upstairs. I stopped in front of my door as he walked by, my hand was on the knob as I turned to Jake. “Hey Jake?” I asked as he stopped in front of his own bedroom door. “Yeah?” He asked, turning his back to the door and leaning on it. I walked over, hands behind my back. He looked down at me, a grin on his face as I stood before him. I stood on my toes, reaching up and kissing his cheek softly. “Thanks for believing in me.” I whispered before turning back to my door and stepping inside. I leaned my back against my door, taking a deep breath as a smile took over. I opened my mouth with a silent scream before shaking my hands around. 

That night, my heart was beating so wildly I could barely sleep. I was excited and scared about what the next day would hold. All day I read, trying to keep my mind off Jake but I had decided I would cook dinner for him tonight, as a thank you for everything he’s done for me. When he came home I had just seasoned the steaks and covered them. I slid them into the fridge to marinate as he walked into the kitchen, showered and changed. “Hey.” He said, leaning on the doorframe. I stood, turning to him and smiling. “Hi.” My voice was soft and I was trying not to giggle like a schoolgirl at the sight of him smiling at me. “Um, I wanted to talk to you about last night.” He said, not meeting my gaze. “What about it?” Unease settled in my stomach at his words. “We should probably just forget about it. Pretend it never happened.” The sadness was overwhelming. I felt like my throat closed up and I tried to keep the tears back. “I just think it’d be best for both of us.” I licked my lips, my eyes falling to my bare feet, my toes wiggling. “Um, yeah. Sure, if you think that’s what’s best.” I said and he nodded. “Now come on.” He said, motioning me to follow him. “Where are we going?” Surely not out to dinner. “I’m gonna cook dinner, I have the steaks in the fridge marinating.” He turned and smiled at me. “I promise, we’ll be back and I’ll help you cook. We’re just gonna drop by Bob’s place.” I furrowed my brows. “Bob? Why Bob’s?” I asked, following him out of the kitchen. “You gotta have a way to get to school. We can’t share my truck if we’re going opposite directions.”

Taglist: @wkndwlff @alltimereverie @cherrycola27 @daisydaisygoose @rosiahills22 @deanoheartspie @cornishkat @high-speed-r @fogle97 @mygyn @ohgodnotagainn @emma8895eb @senjoritanana @kmc1989 @sandaltoesocks @mayhemmanaged @dempy @itsdesiree86 @sunderland-6 @jstarr86 @brooke-stinson @rachkon @topguncultleader @bethbunnyy @topgun-imagines @clancycucumber230 @seitmai @kkrenae @djs8891 @shanimallina87 @wildxwidow @eugene-emt-roe @hisredheadedgoddess28 @littlewhiterose @formulapierre @wade-wilsons-chew-toy @bethabear12 @halstead-severide-fan @gg-trini @memeorydotcom @schreksdoubledeckerhomechecker @inthestars-underthesun @praline357 @fanboyluvr @greaser9902 @felinegrate

[imagineanime2022]

Prove It *Part 2*

Hatori Sohma X Fem!Reader

Word Count: 1585

Requested: @girlsforpjm @navyhua

Request: And yes pls part two🥹🙏 AND Omg part two soon plzzz

*Part 1*

The first thing that he did was bring you lunch at work, he knew that you couldn’t leave your office but he could. There was a soft knock on your office door, you glanced up expecting a student but instead were faced with Hatori “what are you doing here?” You asked. “I brought you lunch.” He answered, holding up a bento box, you smiled. “How did you know that I would be here?” You asked. “I happen to know some of your students.” He answered honestly as we walked in, placing it next to you. “We used to do this all the time back in school.” You smiled as you opened the bento box noting that it was exactly the same the ones that you used to make “This is the same as the ones that I used to make you.” “You mean the one that you made for yourself and then gave to me because you knew that I wasn’t going to go and eat?” He asked. “You figured it out?” You asked. “It did take me a little while. You were good at acting back then, but Shigure told me that you always got him to grab you something that you could eat later.” Hatori answered. “So I owe you a lifetime of lunches.” “Did you make this?” You asked. “Yes.” He answered. “You’ve gotten good at cooking.” You hummed as you continued to eat. “How do you know that I wasn’t good at cooking before?” He asked. “I guess I don’t, were you?” You asked, he gave a soft chuckle. “I’ve gotten better then I was.” He answered.

The second thing was a book that you had been talking about, he remembered you mentioning it when you were on a coffee date, you had been reading the series and were excited to get the new book. Hatori was sitting on your sofa, he could hear you humming in the kitchen as you got the drinks that you both wanted. “I don’t know what you want to do tonight, I don’t think there’s anything on tonight.” You said as you walked back in putting the drinks you made on the coffee table and ticking your legs under you. “Actually I bought you something, I thought you might want to have a look at it since I have some work that I need to finish.” He explained. “If you had work to do why didn’t you say so, I don’t want to distract you.” You leaned towards him. “No I wanted to be with you, like we used to, you know we didn’t have to talk but we were together.” He explained and you nodded your eyes glass over in nostalgia as you thought of all the times that you sat with him in the student council room while he was working. “Here.” He said drawing your attention back to him as you held out the book that he had bought for you. “You found it!?” You asked excitedly as you looked it over flicking through the pages. “I was on my way over and I saw it on display in the bookstore in town, I worried that you might have bought it already but I’m glad that I got it.” He smiled. “So what do you think, you get started on that and I’ll get to work and then once we’re done we can reconvene?” “That sounds good.” You nodded, getting comfortable on the sofa, opening the book and getting lost in your story. Hatori glanced over about 30 minutes later stuck on your face, you were so enraptured in your book, your eyes moving rhythmically over the page, the occasional sound in response to something that you read. This was the moment that Hatori wondered how he had ever pushed you away, how he thought that would be easier not to have you. Honestly he was just thankful that you were giving him the second chance.

The third thing was not something that he brought you but rather something that he did for you, you had been at work when the accident happened, some of the kids had gotten into a fight in the hall, you had attempted to break it up but given the fact that they were two third year students it was a little more difficult then you first thought, you had ended up shoved into the wall where you had hit your head “Hey idiots! Would you cut it out!” Kyo yelled as he just straight up knocked out the two idiots in the fight, Tohru rushed over to you. “Miss (Y/N) are you okay?” She asked. “Yeah I’m fi-” “Your head is bleeding.” Yuki pointing to the cut that you were holding your hand in front of. “Oh I’ll go to the nurse and get it sor-” “We all know he’ll be mad if we don’t tell him, he’ll probably want to treat it himself, not to mention the nurse is probably going to tell you to see a doctor anyway.” Yuki explained and you looked at him and nodded. “Fine but tell him not to rush.” You said as Tohru helped you back to your office.

Not rushing seemed to straight out of the window, you don’t know where he was but you were sure that he wasn’t close, he had no reason to be close enough to the school that the trip took him 10 minutes. “I don’t know why you rushed over here, I said that it wasn’t an emergency.” You grumbled realising that he was ignoring you. “Did you lose consciousness?” He asked. “No.” You answered. “Any blurred, double or loss of vision?” He asked. “No.” You answered. “Headache?” He asked, you raised an eyebrow as you pointed to the cut on my head. “Apart from that?” “No.” You answered, crouched in front of you looking at your eyes for a second before pulling out the small light to check your pupils. “So what’s the verdict?” “I would like for you to take the rest of the day off but I don’t think you are going to do that.” He mumbled as he started cleaning the cut on your head. “Can’t.” You answered. “Then I’ll need you to make sure you send me a text every couple of hours to make sure that you're still okay.” He said. “Alright but what if I forget?” You asked. “Then I’ll be coming to take you home because you have a concussion.” He answered matter of factly before leaning up and pressing a kiss to your forehead. There was a knock at the door “remember to text me.” He said softly before disappearing out the door before you called the person in.

The Fourth and final thing was something that you gave him. You were making dinner moving around the kitchen in a practised motion as you grabbed everything that we needed. Hatori was standing behind you, you had both settled into a comfortable routine of staying at your place, eating together and hanging out. “I wanted to ask you something.” You said not actually turning to look at him. “Yeah?” He asked from his place leant against the counter watching you, he could see that you were nervous about it. “We’ve been doing this for a little while and this started because you wanted to prove that you were sorry.” You explained. “I thought I was doing this to prove that I love you the same way that you told me you love me.” He answered. “Well that’s where this is going I think that you’ve proved it and if you wanted we could maybe make this official.” You suggested playing with your fingers before going back to cutting at the food once the sentence left your mouth. Hatori was gentle as he pushed himself forward and put his hands on your hips turning you to look at him and prompting you to put down the knife. “Are you sure?” He asked. “I wouldn’t say it if I wasn’t sure.” You frowned. “Mm.” He hummed, he didn’t even process that he was slowly moving closer to you not until his nose touched the top of your head before pressing a kiss to your head, before he could pull you back you wrapped your arms around his neck and leaned up. “I’m really sure.” You said softly. “Really?” He asked moving slightly closer lips almost touching, his soft hurried breaths gently fluttering across your face. “Really sure.” You confirmed pressing your lips together, his hands moved for his arms to wrap around your waist and pull you closer, every part of his body pressing against you, warm, firm protective as he seemed to shield you from anything that could ever hurt you. The kiss itself was soft, he was testing water, not pushing too far but pushing enough to make sure that felt that he proved that he wanted it. His hands moved up to your face and changed the angle slightly, to press firmer, teeth gently biting at your lip as he pulled away. Both of you fought to catch your breath as he leaned down lips level with your ear. “I’m not convinced, are you sure?” He asked. “Behave.” You scolded him and he chuckled, pressing one last long kiss to your lips, hands gently squeezing your hips where they had fallen again. “I’ll leave you alone to finish dinner.” He stepped away from you. “And then?” You asked. “No promises.” He shrugged.

Request Here!!

[shoyastars]

Villain Mistin au

Where Mistin was ‘convinced’ to stay as a villain by their ex girlfriend, somehow making it to the point they’re both Fiancé’s. However Ray seeing them on the street after years of searching, he decided to make his move.

His plan was simple, they can fall for him or Binary Star… but one problem… they’re fiancé didn’t seemed to like this, and not in a, “don’t steal my future partner” for example… it seemed more predatory, as if they were going to try everything they can to convince and control Mistin, not to get with him.

It clicked, she wasn’t just using them… they were also trying to get into Mistin’s older brothers good graces. He was known to have a healing ability… but as much as they’re brother can heal…. He can also hurt…. And kill…. They’re brothers ability was unclear in how it works to Ray, the NAHA is still pondering whether it’s a good idea to find and capture alive or kill on site.

However Ray’s problems were not connected with the NAHA, it was with Mistin’s ‘fiancé’ and how they’re practically brainwashed into thinking they love her. So the new plan was to get them out as soon as possible… out of the relationship, out of the soon to be ‘special day’ even if it seems wrong, he won’t stand by while they see Mistin look miserable without knowing they’re miserable.

Getting to know them is easy, growing closer to… however, taking off the red tinted glasses? Not so much.

Will Mistin be able to take off those glasses and see the signs in front of them? Or will they simply cut Ray off for they’re future ‘Partner’?

We’ll probably never know….

And that’s all the details I think I’ve shared for this lol! Anyway I’m kinda interested in others oc’s villain au’s I wanted mine to be kinda slow burn, yet like super reasonable as to why Mistin doesn’t just get up and leave. Because I did mention before they’re ex girlfriend was very manipulative and controlling, she even resorts to violence if she sees she’s not going to get her way… in this au, they’re more ‘convincing’ than ever, she still resorts to some kind of violence if not given her way, however I believe that is enough you want to hear about her.

——————————————————————————

Possible questions

——————————————————————————

Why isn’t Mistin with double?

Mistin always saw him as a friend, they never really saw him as dating material when growing up. More like a third brother to them type way. The way they look out for him and help him out when being messed with by the older kids. They didn’t know he thought of them in such a different way, until he eventually told them.

Does the toxic fiancé/Girlfriend have a brain wash ability?

Hm, I’m not too sure… that would seem too easy, so I’m going to say no, I haven’t really thought of the ability because they’re in the main story was someone of the past who changed they’re personal take on a relationship, the person who only saw their relationship as beneficial than actual love. Mistin feelings were never returned because it was never real. Mistin wanted to be loved… not used…

How come they aren’t so aware in this au?

They didn’t think they’d be able to find someone better, also… they’re self worth was beaten down many time in their times being a villain. Meanwhile with Ray they’re slowly regaining they’re self confidence again.

How did Ray become aware of Mistin’s family?

Oh come on, I’m sure Ray took background checks on us.

Will we get a fanfic of the au?

Depends if when i finally get the Ao3 writing done, I might consider making it. It might go more in depth with my characters and possibly mention more upon what relationship Mistin and their ex have from then to now. It will include a toxic relationship, an unhealthy dynamic between her and them. Maybe even exploring more family lore behind Mistin.

That’s all! Have a lovely day, afternoon, or night wherever you are!

The next chapter of The Star Hero & The Misty Crook will come soon.

Next chapter is called…

Is It Really You?

[xxavengingangelxx]

Somewhere Only We Know 1/?

This is part of a series: Long Way From Home. Graves gets ahold of 141's translator and demands she give up information she knows about 141.

Graves still has Val in this continuation. This continuation includes the events of MW3 so 141 will find out Graves is alive and they will learn where Val has been this whole time ;) MW3 SPOILERS Thanks to @unicorngirly1 for talking ideas with me!

Taglist!

@bellgraves, @unicorngirly1, @lily-lily131313, @shepgurl. If you'd like to be added and/or if I left anyone off, please let me know!

Triggers/Warnings: Mentions of torture, dubious consent, brainwashing, mentions of suicide. More will be added as the story develops.

-

“Un-fucking-believable,”

You were across the dark room, not visible to the camera, but Soap’s voice drew your attention and your head snapped in that general direction.

You’d been given orders by Shepherd and Graves: you can be in the room but you were not to move, not to make a sound and certainly not to approach the camera. 141 still thought you were dead, remember?

Consequences for approaching that camera? A return to a room similar to that cold, terrifying room where you’d spent your first week with Shadow Company being tortured for information that you eventually gave up. That was all you needed to hear. You in no way, under no circumstances, wanted to go back there so you’d do what you were told. Besides, you’d been more tired than usual, not feeling like yourself, like you were on the verge of getting sick, so it’s not like you even had the energy to put up with that. You wouldn’t be able to mentally handle it, either.

You’d make a third attempt on your life if you were returned to that room. Of that you were sure.

“Soap!” You heard Graves respond. “Ya miss me?” Graves laughed coldly. “Well technically you did, didn’t you?”

“Laswell, if you’re tracking this,” Ghost’s voice interrupted, “let’s call in an airstrike.”

“Ghost that is not nice,” Graves chided, almost as if he was speaking to a toddler. It made you wonder how he would be around kids.

“And Val?” Soap demanded.

“Now her ya did kill, Johnny,” Graves sneered. “Shame. I liked having her around.”

“Go fohck yerself. What’re you up to?” Soap’s voice snapped at Graves.

“I’m up to doing my fuckin’ job, kid. Maybe you should try it sometime,” Graves shot back.

“My fucking job is to kill the enemy. Guess what you are,” Soap spat back.

“Let’s keep this professional, boys,” Shepherd interjected. “Cap’n let me pain you the bigger picture. You need Makarov in a pine box. I’ve got the nails.”

The rest of the conversation was faded out because that name, Makarov…Makarov scared the shit out of you. Graves had told you that Vladimir Makarov liked petite, little, innocent-looking things and that like they’d done before with other male targets they might use you to help draw him in or distract him. You were Shadow Company’s femme fatale after all. You’d drawn in men before.

But the idea terrified you. Makarov was a different kind of monster. A psychopath. What was stopping Makarov from taking you like Graves took you? And Makarov you knew would not be nearly as ‘nice’ as Graves had been. Makarov would haul you to Russia and torture you himself. And he would get off on it. Unlike Graves Makarov wouldn’t hesitate to use rape as a weapon.

“Val,” Graves’s voice drew you back to the present.

“Graves,” you responded, shaking your head of the chilling thoughts that had occupied your mind only seconds before.

“We gotta meet 141,”

You sighed. Got teary eyed. What if they took you from him? So you said something. “They’re gonna take me from you,” you sniffled.

“We’re gonna have a fucking problem if they do,” Graves snapped. “We’re not moving forward until I get you back if that happens. They think you’re dead, Val. Remember that.”

You sighed again. “They better. I’ll raise hell ‘till they give me back.”

“I know it sucks,” Graves conceded. “But this is moving quick. We need Makarov. The quicker it’s done, they quicker we never see any of ‘em again.”

Makarov. That name. It gave you chills. You had the worst feeling about him.

Graves then gave a series of commands: wear both vests (we don’t know if they’ll try to kill you), wear your mask, wear your combat goggles, wear a helmet, wear a uniform. Do anything you can to hide your identity. Do not come within an arm’s length of them. You’re going to have a sidearm, your rifle, and a knife. And it all else fails? Run.

You followed orders and got dressed exactly how you were told to in the morning. You were exhausted. You hadn’t been sleeping well and your body ached.

-

It had been decided to meet in an abandoned warehouse. No electricity so it was easy to sweep for bugs. That meant no heat. It was raining and the dropping temperatures promised snow. It was miserable but at least all the layers you were wearing kept you warm.

You could feel 141’s eyes penetrating you.

You tried to tell yourself it was because out of a group of men you were by far the smallest one. The only female, obviously.

Price, Laswell, Shepherd, and Graves were in a room sealed off from the rest of you. Shadows were in that same room protecting Graves and Shepherd. Graves had wanted you in the same room as him but that risked Price recognizing you since the room was so small. The meeting would be quick, Graves promised. You only hoped it wouldn’t be drawn out.

That left you in a large room with Soap, Gaz, and Ghost. You stayed as far away from them as possible. You had your rifle hanging from your shoulder. You had your sidearm ready to go. The only problem was there was no damn way you could shoot any of them. You only prayed they’d stay across the room.

You didn’t like this. In fact you hated it. Why couldn’t another Shadow have stayed with you? Actually no. That Shadow might shoot at 141 and the last thing you wanted was to have them hurt.

Soap met your gaze. You had a soft spot for Soap. You two had been close. A little more than close but that was a story for another day.

“What’s your name, lass?” Soap called out. “Didn’ know he had female Shadows.”

You didn’t answer. You were scared your voice would give you away. You just pointed at your tag: P-80.

“I can’t read that,” Soap replied. “You can’t talk or sometin?”

You shook your head no. Duh. Of course you could talk. You just chose not to. Your voice was a lot softer than any of these men’s. It stood out. And they’d recognize it for sure.

“Your mannerisms remind me o’ someone I was close to,” Soap added. “Real pretty lass. Had a lotta fun wit her. But smart as ‘ell. Dangerous, too.”

“That you, Val?” Ghost asked.

“L.t.,” Soap whined. “I was gettin’ there.”

“I think it is,” Gaz added.

You shook you head no again. Tears pricked your eyes. This was getting to be too much. You didn’t care that you’d been told to stay out of that briefing room. You wanted to be in the same room as Graves.

“I know that’s you, Val,” That person, Ghost, calling your name was like someone lighting a fire under your ass. Graves had conditioned you to RUN from them if he wasn’t close by. You shook your head before taking off running, following Grave’s orders.

You were so frazzled that a flight of stairs presented too much of a challenge for you and you tripped, hitting the landing hard and slamming into the wall sideways, your head hitting the wall with force. You had a helmet on thank God but the hit still rattled you. Voices were scrambled and everything got blurry for a few seconds. You were about to get up and keep running when someone grabbed you by your vest and dragged you back up the flight of stairs you’d just tripped over. You fought not to scream to be let go.

Ghost had grabbed you. You knew because he was the roughest one out of the group. Only because he was incredibly protective of his men. After dragging you back up the flight of stairs he released you onto the concrete landing.

You tried to get back up. You were shoved down.

“On your knees,” Ghost demanded. Rifle raised.

“Ghost,” Soap started. “Don’t—”

“I’ve got this, Johnny,” Ghost retorted.

You sighed and dropped to your knees with hands held out.

“Helmet,” Ghost demanded.

You unclasped your helmet and took it off.

“The goggles and the mask,” came the next command.

“Fuck,” you mumbled to yourself.

You complied and took both off, dropping them to the ground next to you.

“Hoooly shit,”

You recognized it as Soap’s voice.

You shook the bangs from your eyes and glanced up.

Gaz was not far behind and approached. And you couldn’t do this. You couldn’t. You decided long ago you would never go back to them. They’d either kill you or send you to a military prison for the rest of your life.

Worst of all, Graves had said, you’d never see him again. You knew for a damn fact you couldn’t handle being separated from Graves.

So you pulled your sidearm and put it against your head.

The effect was instant.

141 backed off. Ghost dropped his rifle, leaving it to hang off his shoulder.

Immediately.

“Back off,” you stood up slowly.

They were speechless.

“What happened to you?” Gaz asked, eyeing you with stunned, wide eyes.

“Nothing,” You responded.

“Val, we’re not leaving,” Soap stated simply, his hands in front of him to show he was not reaching for a weapon. “Put the gun down, Jesus Christ.”

You didn’t respond. You lowered the gun from your head. Little did they know you’d rather die than be separated from Graves. In your panic you didn’t notice Soap was no longer in front of you. You raised the gun in their direction.

Yet not one of them reached for their weapon. You wondered if it was because despite how much you had changed they could see it in your eyes that you couldn’t shoot any of them.

“Let me go,” you warned, taking small steps backwards. “I’ll call him and they’ll come running.” Your mind flashed to that first night in Las Almas when Graves had ordered you to call out to 141. You being your stupid self had refused. Now you were actually threatening to scream to get Graves’s attention.

Then.

Your worst nightmare.

Someone grabbed you from behind. He placed a heavy, calloused hand over your mouth preventing you from screaming, from calling out to Graves. His other hand gripped your right wrist on such a way that you dropped your weapon. Your gun dropped to the ground. Soap expertly kicked it away from you. You were then flat on the floor on your stomach, the sudden movement aggravating the ribs that had been broken several times over now. Your rifle was taken. Your knife was taken. You were about to say, “Fuck you, let me go.” But duct tape replaced the hand that had been on your mouth.

They were treating you exactly like Graves warned you they would. You screamed into the tape because what else could you do? You were flipped onto your back and you immediately starting swinging fists, kicking, trying to scratch, anything to get them away.

Soap clearly was overwhelmed because he just stared in horror and how hard you were fighting. For what? To go back to Graves? To go back to the man who had inflicted that cut on your face that had scarred?

“Thas’ enough ‘o that,” Ghost said lowly. You’d forgotten how big he was because when he stood over you, he terrified you. He looked like the grim reaper. Zipties went around your wrists after your arms were pulled in front of you. But not before you put up a hell of a fight. You tried to scratch but only got Ghost’s Kevlar and uniform. Zipties brought back bad memories.

“You swing at anyone again,” Graves knelt in front of you while a Shadow ziptied your hands in front of you. You were lying on the floor, beat halfway to unconsciousness by said Shadow. “I’m leaving you in those with a broken arm,”

“Fuck you, sadist,” you mumbled as you lost consciousness.

-

Price, Graves, Shepherd, and Laswell were still in that small room. Talking about what you had no idea. You tried to use your hands ziptied in front of you to break the window of the SUV they were dragging you to.

You struggled, tried to be dead weight. Your worst fear was coming true. You were being taken from Graves. And you couldn’t scream because they’d taped your mouth shut.

But then you got an idea. You got into that SUV willingly because you had a plan. They’d removed the tape from your mouth provided you promised them you wouldn’t scream. The skin on your face was still red, though. Just wait until Graves finds out what they did to you.

-

I feel like this isn't as good as Long Way From Home. :( Idk why! But please let me know what you think! If you have ideas, message me! I'm thinking of opening an ask box :D I wanted to post a longer chapter but character limits got me!

[lucystark12]

another chapter- the three half chapters i've released finally pay off!

“Mike, please. The best thing you can do for me is stay rested and healthy.” Will sighs, not quite dancing around the ticking time bomb that is his best friend like the other three people are. Will and Mike are in a very conflicted battle of devoted selflessness. 

“The best thing I can do for you is keep you alive.” Mike retorts. Nancy shoots Jonathan an alarmed look as one Cure song slips into the next. Will bites his lower lip. Mike is unrelenting. “I’m not going to sleep when there’s a possibility that I could wake up to the sound of your bones cracking, okay? I don’t care if you don’t think anything’s going to happen. I’ve seen you dead before and I am not going to see that again. I-” Mike comes up for air, catching himself. If Jonathan didn’t know any better, he might have thought it meant nothing. Nobody speaks, the whole room sensing that Mike isn’t done yet, but Mike doesn’t seem to notice the fact that there’s even anybody else there. “I need you alive, Will.” He says, outstandingly quiet but unmissably charged. Jonathan watches, feeling the absence of a television screen separating him from the scene and a bowl of popcorn in his lap as El’s face drops, Will does an exceptionally shocked and prolonged blink, and Mike covers his eyes with his palms. All of the other four are confused, but Jonathan, given the knowledge of Will’s feelings for Mike and being the only third party to what went on in the van preceding the pizza place, can practically smell it. This is not the way Mike acted when El was in danger. Though his words were stronger then, he didn’t look at El this way. Like his whole world would end without her, like the thought of her death was daring him to die alongside her. Will had no use crying for Mike like he did in the back of that van- because Jonathan can tell, utterly infallibly, that I need you wasn’t the three letter phrase Mike really wanted to say just now. 

[tkachuktkaching]

Tkachuk to be full participant at start of Panthers training camp

Forward ‘feeling great’ after fracturing sternum during Stanley Cup Final

LAS VEGAS -- Matthew Tkachuk will be a full participant when the Florida Panthers begin training camp Sept. 21.

The forward said at the NHL North American Player Media Tour on Tuesday during an interview for a future episode of the "NHL @TheRink" podcast that he is healthy more than three months after sustaining a fractured sternum in the first period of Game 3 of the Stanley Cup Final against the Vegas Golden Knights on June 8.

"I am feeling great," Tkachuk said. "It's been a very short summer, the way I want it to be every year going forward. The worst timing for the injury, obviously, Stanley Cup Final, but in a weird way I had time after where I wasn't missing X amount of months of game action, so I had the summer to get ready. I definitely improved on some things. The injury allowed me to work on some parts of fitness and conditioning and that is in the best form right now possible, and I just improved on some strength, which was my goal."

Tkachuk returned in the third period of Game 3 and scored the tying goal with 2:13 remaining. The Panthers won 3-2 in overtime.

He said he was given permission by team doctors to play through the pain in Game 4. He skated 16:40 and had four shots on goal in a 3-2 loss that put Florida down 3-1 in the best-of-7 series. Tkachuk did not play Game 5, which Vegas won 9-3 to win the Stanley Cup.

"I think I realized I was in the most pain when we won that Game 3," Tkachuk said. "I missed a big portion of it, came back and we won it in overtime. After the game, I'm walking around and normally you have the high spirits after a win, especially in the playoffs. It doesn't matter what you're going through, you're on top of the world. And I was pumped, but I still knew that half of my body felt like it was [in pain]. I knew something wasn't right.

“I didn't know what it was at the time. We did all my tests the next day, then I came back and basically with doctor's orders was given the opportunity to do everything I could to play just one game. [I] did it. I would have done it all over again if I had the chance."

Tkachuk said he wasn't worried about long-term effects of the break in his sternum, knowing that would heal, but there were some internal issues that that led to some scary moments.

"I'll try to keep it short, but there's all the blood vessels and stuff and that was the scary part at the time and that was the most concerning part in my health at the time," Tkachuk said. "But right now, it's good."

He was able to play Game 4 despite not even being able to get out of bed without assistance from his brother, Ottawa Senators forward Brady Tkachuk.

"I'm not going to lie, that was the craziest thing I've ever kind of been a part of," Brady said Tuesday, also for a future episode of the "NHL @TheRink" podcast. "I just flew in for the game because I wanted to see a Stanley Cup Final game and he came back from the rink in the morning and just looked awful. He was like, 'I’ve got to go take a nap.' And then he calls me at 3:30 and I'm downstairs. He says, 'Can you come up here?' We were just mucking it up and then he's like, 'Alright, I need you to help me up.' I'm like, 'You're joking.' He's like, 'No, I legit can't get up. I just sneezed and I thought I died.'

“He was going through some serious pain and just to see him be able to find a way to just play in that game and have the mindset of treating this as my last game, do whatever it takes, try to get a win and put ourselves in a better position going into Game 5, I was so proud of him. The way he played, trying to work around it, not many people can do, especially at the pain level he was at."

Tkachuk finished last season tied for sixth in the NHL with 109 points (40 goals, 69 assists) in 79 games. He led the Panthers and was tied for third in the NHL in playoff scoring with 24 points (11 goals, 13 assists) in 20 games.

Florida is not expected to have defensemen Aaron Ekblad and Brandon Montour on the ice for the start of training camp; each has been rehabbing from offseason shoulder surgery. Tkachuk said they may not be back until around Christmas.

[everlastingdreams]

Isaac Lahey x Reader : Kiss It Better

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Story Summary: Your friend Isaac often teases you, even when you are helping him with a wound he obtained in a typical ‘Isaac’- way. The line between teasing and flirting has begun to blur.

Notes: My silly first fluffy Isaac fic.

Word count of this fic: 1702 words

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

The first time you met Isaac, he was quiet. He barely spoke a word to you. The second time you crossed paths, he was a nervous waterfall of words to the point where you grew nervous as well.

The third time he seemed calmer and actually struck up a conversation with you.

The two of you grew closer, and not long after he became one of your closest friends.

It was why he was now seated on a chair in your kitchen with a cut on his forehead. And even in his wounded state he found it the perfect time to flirt with you.

“I can’t believe you are actually flirting with me while I’m cleaning the blood off of your face.” You sighed and shook your head. He always did this, it seemed to be part of his personality to tease you at any given moment. It surprised you at first but then you began to realize that this was just Isaac’s way of… being Isaac.

He had never truly made a move on you. And it would be a lie if you said that you hadn’t silently wished he would have done so. But it seems that it was not Isaac’s intention, he just wanted you as a friend and you were just glad to have him in your life. He was sweet and funny and very caring. The perfect friend.

“Isaac, sit still.” You said for perhaps the hundredth time in those last few minutes.

“But it stings.” He squirmed on the chair as you disinfected the cut.

“Stop being such a baby and sit still !” You said in a firm voice.

“You’re not being a very sweet nurse. Aren’t you supposed to be consoling me or something ?” A hint of humor in his voice.

“Maybe you should have thought about that before being so reckless.” You scolded him and proceed to dab the alcohol on the wound.

“Don’t tell me your weren’t even a little impressed.” Isaac grinned at you, he looked way too pleased with his actions.

Truth be told it was impressive when he had done that back flip from a set of low stairs

“It was impressive. If only you hadn’t hit your head on that low hanging sign when you were acting like you had won the damn lottery afterwards.”

Regular people would have cracked their skull, not ended up with a dented ego and a small cut.

He shrugged his shoulders, his grin wavered for a second before he went back to teasing you “At least now I have a pretty girl playing doctor with me.”

You rolled your eyes at his relentless teasing.

“Well, I’m afraid this is were my medical knowledge stops.” You say after applying a band-aid to his head.

A smile tugged at his lips “There’s one more thing you could try. I’ve heard it is a popular method.”

You quirked a brow at him “What method ?”

“Perhaps a kiss to make it better ? They say it’s quite effective.” His eyes sparkled with mischief.

Heat rose to your cheeks at his boldness “I doubt that. I think you are too old for that.”

“Maybe. But we won’t know that unless we try.” He quickly countered with a hopeful look in his eyes.

You swatted his arm playfully “Stop messing with me.”.

“But it really hurts.” He protested and for a moment he did sound like a whinny little boy.

There was something about the way he looked at you now that made you cave in to his silly request. He could look very adorable if he wanted to.

“Okay, fine.” And then you gave him a quick peck on the bandage on his head “Happy now ?”

He grinned widely, never expecting you to actually do it “I don’t know… it still hurts.”

You rolled your eyes and sighed “Where ? Your head can’t hurt that much, come on.”

He raised a finger to his lips and tapped on them “There.”

For a second you felt like you had forgotten how to breath normally.

You swatted his arm again to hide how flustered you were “Cut it out, Lahey. I’m not kissing you.”

“Why not ? And…you actually just did.” He quipped back, smirk growing wider.

“You know what I meant.” You countered quickly and took some steps away from him as you put the first aid kit back “I am not going to kiss you.”

“Because I am not your type ?” His smile no longer reached his eyes, something you didn’t notice.

You scoffed softly. Isaac was exactly your type. He was the nicest person you knew and on top of that he was ridiculously good looking. The curls, the blue eyes, the toothpaste commercial smile…everything about him felt perfect to you.

You ignored what he had said, believing he just wanted to tease you again.

You could feel him stare at your face for a moment “What ?”

His mouth turned into a lopsided grin “You did well as my nurse. I really do hope you know CPR.”

It was confusing you “Why ?”

All of a sudden he started to gasp for air and you were at his side not a second later.

Panicking, you started to look around for where you had put down your phone to call an ambulance “Isaac ?!? What’s happening ???” just when you found and picked up your phone and started to dial the number, he stopped and grinned back at you “What-”

Isaac showed no remorse for it and flashed a charming smirk “You should really know CPR if you are going to keep taking my breath away.”

You were speechless, he had never been so bold before. This did not feel like just teasing anymore.

After sighing deeply and putting the phone down again, you were able to calm down a bit.

You scoffed louder this time “Isaac, please stop flirting with me. Or teasing me… whatever it is that you’re doing now. I thought you were dying, damnit.”

He averted his eyes to the ground, brushing a hand over his chin “I really am not your type, huh ?”

Now you looked at him, he had sounded almost disappointed when he had said that.

“It doesn’t matter if you were.” You mumbled quickly.

Isaac blinked at your answer “Why’s that ?”

This time you shrugged your shoulders “Because.. we’re friends. We’re just friends.”

His smile was gone when he quietly asked “What if we could be more than that ?”

You thought he was teasing you again “Oh please, your the kind of guy who could easily get a supermodel.”

He actually smiled cheekily at you now “Really ? You really think I could get a supermodel as my girlfriend ?”

You rolled your eyes “You know you could. I’m not going to feed your ego any further, Lahey.”

“So I could get a supermodel, but not the girl I want…” He said quietly, shaking his head.

You hadn’t really heard him “What ?”

He straightened his back on the chair, trying to seem cheerful “Well, maybe I don’t want a supermodel.”

“Oh, really ? What is your type then ?” You quirked a brow at him.

“You are.” He blurted it out and took a deep breath right after, then he awkwardly gestured in your direction “In case you haven’t figured it out yet. Although I literally try to flirt with you all the time.”

“I… I thought you were just always teasing me.” You stammered.

He actually chuckled at that “Well… yeah. Because I like you… a lot.”

“Why would you choose someone like me ?” You were in disbelief. This couldn’t be really happening.

Isaac scoffed, nearly rolling his eyes as he scratched the back of his neck “Y/n. You are the most amazing person I’ve ever met. The first time I met you I couldn’t even say a word because I was so afraid that I would say something stupid. Then I saw you again and I forced myself to just say anything, to just talk to you. I took me three attempts to actually talk to you with coherent sentences. I wanted to know you. And then we actually became friends, which is great. But..”

You were fumbling with your sleeve nervously “But what ?”

Isaac swallowed thickly, he knew he was putting his heart on the line now “You are one of my best friends, I just wish we could be more than that. I… I get it if you don’t see me that way. I mean, I tried flirting with you.. maybe I’m just not your type.”

You looked at him speechless, the oceans of his eyes filled with hope that was growing weaker by the second, the shy smile slowly vanishing from his face.

He averted his eyes from you, and nodded, taking your silence as his answer. He cleared his throat as he stood up from the chair “I uhm… I’m sorry, y/n. I never wanted to mess our friendship up.” Isaac began to step past you towards the exit of your house “I get it… I’ll just… I’ll see you later ?”

You couldn’t believe that he had just confessed his feelings for you, and now he seemed to think that he wasn’t even your type.

He went to walk past you but you stepped in front of him. You quickly cupped his face and brought his lips to yours. He completely stilled for a moment before he responded to the kiss.

After a moment you broke away from him.

“You are my type, Isaac. You always were.” You smiled at him.

“Am I ?” He looked at you as if you had just told him you could turn water into wine.

You nodded in response, his smile grew brighter making his eyes sparkle.

Isaac sighed in relief whilst blurting out “Good, now I don’t have to go around and ask everyone for pick-up lines anymore.”

“What ?” You quirked a brow at him confused.

“Nothing. Never mind.” He quickly said, mentally cursing himself for blurting that out.

Isaac then leaned in, pulling you closer against him as he kissed you again.

[empty-movement]

Hi!! Super appreciate everything you guys have done for the community! I’ve recently been watching the musicals and was wondering if you think there’s any chance of an Apocalypse Saga musical?

Vanna here! Gonna be real, virtually impossible at this point, IMO. During the BRS show there were lots of little allusions to a third. Ikuhara and Yoshitani talk about it in the program interview (FULLY TRANSLATED COMING SOON), Akio's actor mentions the possibility in the curtain call, Ikuhara vaguetweets it, and ALSO, cool story:

The behind the scenes on the BRS musical include Akio and Anthy's actors discussing that he had special lines for the end of the final show, and he does--but they are not on the Blu-Ray cut of the show. Why? Well, on the last day, they streamed *both* the afternoon and evening shows, and on the last show, a major stage component failed. (The curtains drop to reveal the projector.) Only half the curtain falls. IMO this kinda makes for its own neat emergent narrative about the fakeness of Ohtori, but because of it, they don't use the last show's ending in the Blu-ray, so he doesn't have his extra line.

The version on the Blu-ray already includes a bolded line not in the series:

The illusion you cherished in your memory…I exploited that. The years you spent clinging to hope, not growing up, were useful. Soon… eternity will shine down from the inverted castle above. But the path you must take is no longer being prepared for you. You graduate, now.

The dialogue from the last show they performed goes this way (it's the version I had the better copy of, so when we showed folks the musical before the BR dropped, this was the version folks saw!)

The illusion you cherished in your memory…I exploited that. The years you spent clinging to hope, not growing up, were useful. But soon… the castle above, and the road to eternity… …will shine upon Tenjou Utena. The path you must take is no longer being prepared for you. You graduate, now.

TELL ME THAT'S NOT A 'NEXT TIME ON' HOOK

Look, I'm not an expert on Japanese musical business culture, but I had the help of some folks that are in the acquisition of this thing, and they basically assumed another was in production based on this amount of telegraphing, and it seems very likely it was, since the musicals have uniquely almost the same cast from one to the next.

Then covid happened. At this point, it's very unlikely to happen, I think, and certainly not with the original cast they had access to. Given Ikuhara's overall reticence about making the musicals at all, I don't know how eager he'd be to change up a formula that worked so well by trying to recast/etc, and covid FUCKED UP the 2.5 scene in Japan. I have long since stopped anticipating an Apocalypse show, which is really sad because I would have LOVED to see how it was executed, and given the incredible escalation in budget and scope from the first musical to the second, it felt inevitable at the time. (The StuCo musical was in a 250 seat theater and the BRS one was in a 1000 seat theater, insane shit)

[valenteal]

I’ve been posting a lot about my thoughts on Dazai’s characterization and motivations but honestly I’ve been dedicating a lot more energy to trying to understand Oda. Dazai is an amazingly complex character but he’s a constant in the story and we know quite a lot about him, comparatively. Oda is incredibly mysterious and much harder to understand. My breakthrough earlier figuring out that Oda had the book has really helped me open my mind to another side of Oda I hadn’t yet considered.

The things is, authors have to be a bit cruel. Oda’s reasoning for not killing because he wanted to be a writer doesn’t make sense, we kill our own characters all the time. We put them through hell over and over for entertainment/to convey a deeper meaning. I think maybe one of the conditions of having the book is not killing directly, or maybe a certain level of removal from the storyline. Like, if you control reality and others lives with the book you’re giving up a certain amount of control physically in the moment.

Oda is a killer. He is friends with killers. And if I’m right about him being the author of the Dark Era he wrote the deaths of the kids. I think his reaction was genuine, I think he really felt like he shouldn’t have the book, that he didn’t deserve to be its author anymore, but I really think that he wrote the story to give Dazai the opportunity and the motivation to get a better life. I mean, I’ve made myself cry with my writing. The most compelling stories are full of tragedy.

Oda was a child assassin. He was a writer. He was a mafioso. But most of all he was Dazai’s friend.

Wait! Holy shit idea!

Okay so Natsume had the book before Oda, but he was definitely following Dazai around before he got the book so we know there’s already a connection there. I’ve been wondering why Oda was so attached to Dazai. But Natsume wrote the story he adored, the third installment which Oda finished was The Book. But what did Natsume write about? What exactly were the books Oda loved? What if it was Dazai’s story? What if Oda knows Dazai so well because he read his life story over and over and yearned to give him a happy ending? What if his whole motivation was to finish the story in a satisfying way? And everything from the orphan’s existence to Ango’s betrayal was to create an open ended story in which Dazai could potentially have have a better life?

Oda is such an incredible character. He’s full of contradictions until you actually start thinking of him as an author. We authors have strange minds, we love our characters but we put them through so much. Because we wouldn’t love them if we didn’t make them struggle, make them realistic and deep and meaningful. Oda knew the kids were going to die, he wrote it. But he got attached like anyone would. But he was done writing the story, all that was left was for it to play out. So he passed ownership of the book to Dazai and went to play his role.

Fuck I’m getting emotional omg Odasaku is wonderful. I don’t even care if the entire theory is wrong, I’ve figured Oda out with the information I was given and filled in the blanks. Asagiri himself wouldn’t be able to make me give this theory up.

Oda isn’t a good person with strong morals the way he presents himself. He does that to fill the mentor roll for Dazai and to get Dazai to make the desired decisions. He just a fan who was given control of the story by the original author and basically used all the writing tools ever to create a story in which the character he loved but who was tragically doomed and seeped in darkness could find some happiness. Just like anyone writing a fix-it fic. Accept his fix is canon.

Holy shit I’m a genius.

Don’t come at me you have no idea how proud I am of this! Either I figured out the most confusing character ever written or I have created a genius explanation that nothing will ever top (for me anyway).

[just-absolutely-super]

Wishing You a Happy Birthday Twelvefold

Very quick and simple oneshot for the Hikari Twins birthday. Hope you enjoy some cuteness! AO3 link coming soon

MegaMan stretched as he came out of sleep mode. Looking to the PET’s internal clock, he saw the digital numbers reading 6:30 AM and the date being June 10th. MegaMan smiled to himself at the date. For others, it was any other day, but for the Hikari household it was considered a very special occasion, and the blue Navi relished in being the first person to greet his NetOp on such occasion. His brother will complain as usual that his Navi was waking him up at such an early hour, but considering how difficult the young boy was to rouse from sleep, MegaMan needed that extra time trying to get him up and out of bed—not just for school this time.

Pressing a button, MegaMan turned the PET’s screen on so he could view into the outside world. He could spot a lump under the covers of the bed across the room, no doubt it was the sleeping boy. Bracing himself for at least a half hour of yelling for his twin to wake up, MegaMan took a deep breath.

“Lan, wak—”

“HAPPY BIRTHDAY!”

“AHH!” MegaMan screamed, the surprise causing him to fall over. Once he gained his bearings, he looked to see Lan already dressed and staring at his Navi with a large grin.

“E-Eh? You’re already awake and dressed? Wait, how long have you—?”

“Happy birthday!” Lan said again, grabbing his PET to hold up so he and MegaMan were eye to eye.

“O-Oh…” MegaMan said, the words finally sinking into him. As he knew, today was a special occasion—Lan’s birthday.

It’s also Hub’s birthday as well…

Given his identity was a secret for many years, MegaMan wasn’t used to being greeted with birthday wishes. His father would give them, of course, and then his mother once the blue Navi was in the possession of his twin turned NetOp, but it was never given the fanfare like with Lan. He didn’t really mind this arrangement, though…he was just happy to spend the day with his brother like it was always meant to be.

Hearing Lan wishing him a happy birthday today…while it wasn’t unwelcome, it felt rather strange.

“Happy birthday!” Lan said for a third time. MegaMan chuckled to himself. His twin was probably impatiently waiting for his Navi to give some reply, so he had to repeat the phrase over and over again until he got the response he was looking for.

“Thank you, Lan. And hap—” he started to wish his twin the same as well, but was shocked when Lan cut him off.

“No, I’m not done. Wait your turn! Happy birthday!”

“Eh? What do you mean you’re not done? You already said it, like, four times now.”

Lan rolled his eyes, as if MegaMan should know exactly what he was thinking (despite popular belief, twins did not, in fact, have mind reading abilities). Sitting down at his desk chair, the young boy began to explain.

“Okay, so this is our 12th birthday, right?”

MegaMan nodded, “It is.”

“Great,” Lan said, as if there was a doubt his own twin didn’t know that crucial piece of information. He continued, “So I’ve been thinking, and you’ve been wishing me a happy birthday for years, while I didn’t even know it was your birthday too until a few months ago!”

MegaMan frowned, “Are you feeling guilty? You better not, because I keep telling you it’s not your fault you didn’t know I was Hub.”

“No, no, it’s not that.” Lan clarified, “I mean, yeah, I do feel a little bad, but it’s mostly because…well, you deserve to be told happy birthday also. And after 12 years of not being told that from me, I gotta make it up to you!”

 MegaMan blinked, “How so?”

Lan grinned, “By wishing you a happy birthday twelve times before you can wish me a happy birthday! Okay? Okay! So, where was I?”

MegaMan was flabbergasted. The gesture was very sweet, but he was taken off guard. He knew this birthday was going to be different because now Lan knew he was his twin brother, but part of him expected today to be a regular day for the Navi. Lan would continue to be the center of attention, while the other would grin and clap with everyone else as the boy blew out his candles.

It was then that he started to come to grips that maybe…today really would feel like a birthday for him.

“No, seriously, where was I? I, uh, forgot how many I’ve said it up to now…” Lan had a sheepish look on his face at the admittance that he genuinely forgot how many times he wished his brother a happy birthday.

MegaMan laughed, “You’ve said it four times now. We’re on number five.”

His grin back full force, Lan thanked his brother. He then held his hand out, looking to his fingers as he began counting on them as he spoke.

“Happy birthday, happy birthday, happy birthday, happy birthday, happy birthday, happy birthday…”

While he watched his brother chant the same phrase over and over, Megaman felt a warm feeling wash over him. He always knew Lan cared about him, there was never any doubt in regards to that notion. But seeing how the boy woke up at an early hour he always detested just to wish his twin brother a happy birthday not once, but twelve times…it made Hub feel inexplicably loved.

“Happy birthday, and…” Lan took a deep breath before using all his boundless energy to bellow out, “HAPPY BIRTHDAY, HUB!”

Once the final phrase was called out, MegaMan found himself laughing. His little brother looked so proud of himself, it was very endearing. That same warmth grew and the Navi found himself overcome with emotion, causing him to almost choke up. He wasn’t sure if he had any capacity to cry, but if he did, he was sure there would be tears flowing from his eyes. Despite the lack of tears, though, Lan frowned when he caught on the slight change in his brother’s demeanor.

“Hey…are you okay? You’re not upset, are you?”

MegaMan waved his hands back and forth, shaking his head at Lan’s worry.

“No, no! I’m not upset, just the opposite!” he said in reassurance. He then calmed his actions as he stared at Lan with a genuine smile, “I’m just so…happy. That was the nicest gesture, Lan. Thank you so much!”

Lan returned his Navi’s smile, “You’re welcome, Hub. You deserve it!”

Afraid his emotions would get the better of him again, MegaMan fought to change the course of the conversation, “Well, I guess it’s my turn now, right?”

“Huh?”

Pumping both of his fists in the air, trying to duplicate the same amount of energy his twin gave him moments prior, MegaMan shouted out with all his might, “HAPPY BIRTHDAY, LAN!”

He was very pleased with the results as his brother started emitting mirthful giggles at his actions. It was then that the young boy suddenly jumped out of his chair, calling out, “This is going to be the best birthday ever! I have it all planned out too! We’ll hang out with our friends, and then Dad was going to come home and take us to the park, and Mom will have cake! Don’t worry, I heard Dad say someone at the lab managed to create cyber birthday cake, so you can finally experience a cake of your own! And then we can—”

MegaMan sighed in contentment as he listened to his brother rattle off the plan for their day. He had no doubt it would be a memorable birthday for the both of them.

Although…

“Uh, Lan?”

“Huh? What’s up, Hub? I was just getting to the part where we would explore the Net.”

MegaMan rolled his eyes good-naturedly before asking his NetOp, “Did you happen to include going to school and doing your homework into the schedule?”

Lan tripped on his feet, “Oh come oooooon! It’s our birthday! Don’t we deserve a day off?”

“Nope!” the Navi shot down, “It may be a special day, but it’s also a school day, mister! We can have fun afterwards!”

Now it was Lan’s turn to roll his eyes, “Geez, I should have seen that coming.”

MegaMan laughed as Lan got his backpack and supplies ready. After putting his shoes on, Haruka handed Lan a special bento lunchbox, which Lan eagerly took with gratitude. She kissed her youngest on the forehead, wishing him a happy birthday, before taking the PET and pressing a motherly peck to its screen for her other son.

“Happy birthday, Hub,” she said quietly, yet loud enough for Lan to hear unlike years prior when it was out of his earshot. MegaMan felt that same warmth from earlier return. He didn’t know if he would get used to the feeling, but he wasn’t going to complain about it, ever.

As the twins walked out of the house and toward their friend group—all greeting the two with their own birthday wishes and promises of presents later today—Hub knew for sure that this birthday really would be one of the best he and his brother would have together.

[atopvisenyashill]

What do you think of the Sansa line where she says Arya had been unsatisfactory as a sister despite not knowing if Arya is even alive? Asking in truly good faith as a fan of both. I don’t think they hate each other at all and I’ve been accused of being too generous in my interpretations but this line in particular seems unusually callous for Sansa. My generous interpretation would be that it wasn’t meant to be part of Sansa’s thoughts but given the limited third person perspective the series is written in I don’t think that holds up. It’s the one sticking point for me in my understanding of their relationship. I can understand the way she lashed out in book 1 and said callous things given the context of the situation. It was unkind but this was a high stress time so a kid verbally lashing out at her younger sibling as a means to just have someone to be mad at is pretty realistic sibling conflict. But the unsatisfactory comment is hard for me to understand and empathize with

i've talked about this one before and i find the backlash to it perplexing. my allergies are kicking my ass right now so I'm just gonna paste my first paragraph from that here:

sansa isn’t thinking “i’d much rather have margaery as a sister” she’s thinking around how much she grieves for arya, and her own guilty feelings over not seeing through joffrey quick enough.

sansa does this thing, especially with arya but for everything that causes her pain really, where she thinks around a subject instead of facing it head on. that's very clearly what she's doing here:

Sister. Sansa had once dreamt of having a sister like Margaery; beautiful and gentle, with all the world's graces at her command. Arya had been entirely unsatisfactory as sisters went. How can I let my sister marry Joffrey? she thought, and suddenly her eyes were full of tears. "Margaery, please," she said, "you mustn't." It was hard to get the words out. "You mustn't marry him. He's not like he seems, he's not. He'll hurt you."

she's distancing herself from the memory of arya because she genuinely doesn't know if arya is alive or not and doesn't want to confront the idea that arya might be dead. but she can't truly distance herself from it because right after she thinks about arya she starts crying. it's not about joffrey potentially abusing margaery it's about how sansa feels like she failed arya by failing to see the type of person he really is before it was too late. she's thinking she should have done something more to help arya and now it's too late. again, please don't think i'm actually mad, but i do find it mind boggling how many people seem to miss this because it's an incredibly common take that sansa is being cruel here when she's just like...being a child in a bad situation.

i think if you (general you) had experienced death at a young age you would understand and i think that's part of why so many people don't. adults don't react rationally to grief, but sansa as a child is expected to do so. i think if you want to understand, really understand, why sansa can seem so callous, you should go watch the daniel sloss stand up, i believe it's his first one on netflix, dark. it's about his disabled sister, her death at a young age, and his reaction to it. he tells this story that i've always found hilarious and relatable and when i related it to my own sibling, they went "yep that's about right" - the day she died, daniel was supposed to go on a field trip. he was very excited. his sister had gotten a bit sicker the last few days but that was normal. she got sick, she went to the hospital, she hogged all the attention, she came home and got better. except when he comes downstairs...everyone is crying. they tell him that she's died. and daniel blacks out. he's told by his family later that he reacted by letting out a screaming wail of grief, then going to get his backpack and saying "okay time to go to the zoo now" while his parents were like "alright you little sociopath take the fucking backpack off you're not going to school." kids do not react kindly to grief. they don't understand it! it's too complex of a concept for them! sansa is a hostage. sansa thinks arya is dead. sansa thinks that arya was a shitty annoying sister and then promptly bursts into tears. those tears are about losing arya.

[ash-is-dying]

Mr Perfectly Fine: Chap 4

A/N: Smashed this one out. A bit shorter but just as good I swear. Heavily focused on Eddie's pov this time around. I promise he's getting better with a bit of help from his life coach A.K.A Wayne Munson. Enjoy!

Eddie x Fem!Reader

Word Count: 1.9k

Chapter 4: Mr. I’ve Been Waiting For You All My Life

---

He fucked up.

He would never admit it in a million years, but he knew he had fucked up.

You hadn’t been around in a week. Even on his days off Eddie would come back and hear the others complaining that you hadn’t been in at your usual time. It was doing his head in and his pride wouldn’t let him tell them that it was most likely his fault.

Okay, maybe definitely his fault.

But it was a good thing. No dumb orders with a bunch of substitutions and additives, no analyzing eyes watching over him, no yelling or arguing or anger at all. So it was a good thing. Right?

But if it was so good why didn’t things feel right? He felt himself wondering why he was so off, he’d only known you for a few weeks and every interaction crawled under his skin and made it boil. He was happy to be rid of you. You were too familiar. Made him too nostalgic. Things should have gone back to normal by now. Key word being should.

If his own inner turmoil wasn’t enough, Wayne had also been up his ass every time they spoke. After college, at work, at home. The old man was a ninja. Okay so not Eddie’s best analogy but his point still stood. As soon as he had gotten you off his mind his uncle appeared shoving you right back to the forefront.

“Have you talked to her?”

“Did you say sorry?”

“You have to do something for her.”

“Get off my couch and go fix things Edward.”

God it was a living nightmare there was no escape from. When it wasn’t his own voice it was Wayne’s and vice versa, there was no reprieve.

The voices got louder when he lay sleepless at night. Her face and the tears in her eyes were stuck on loop as he reheard her shaky voice as she last spoke to him. The good part he has left in him regrets it all. Then again the good part of him wants to cry himself to sleep, go buy her a bouquet of flowers and beg for forgiveness. Like hell was that happening. But his mind kept returning to those lingering questions even he couldn’t answer. Why had he pushed her away? She had done nothing wrong and he had yelled at her because of what, her keen observation skills? Her relationship with his uncle?

Because he knew this feeling all too well.

By the time he reached that level he’d given up on sleep opting for a smoke and some coffee. Ain’t no way is he going down that road.

He made his way back inside dumping the cold coffee in the sink as Wayne walked out of his room stretching.

“You’re up early Ed. That’s the third time this week.”

Eddie responds with a grunt of acknowledgement, his eyes darting back to the sink.

“Something on your mind?” Wayne pauses putting his elbows on the bench. “Someone on your mind?”

That was a loaded question. It was very obvious what was on his mind. What Wayne was really trying to ask was what was he going to do about it? And the answer to that was the same as it was the last few days. Nothing.

Wayne sighs and they move around each other as breakfast is made. They both sit on the couch shoveling eggs into their mouths before they had to leave and open the shop.

“You wanna know the four steps to winning back a girl?”

Eddie chokes on his food as he registers these words. He swallows hard and clears his throat. “Okay well first of all I have no need for such tips and second of all I’m in no mood to hear uncle guru’s life hacks this early in the morning when I’m running on caffeine and burnt toast.”

Wayne chuckles. “First off the toast and caffeine is your fault, second, I’m telling you anyway because I think you need to hear it.”

He puts his plate down and leans forward making direct eye contact with his nephew. “Step 1. Break the ice. Step 2. Contact. Step 3. Talk. Step 4. Apologize. 5. Peace Offering. If a girl is mad at you she’ll put up a wall you just gotta charge through that wall. You do something surprising so it stops her from completely icing you out, then you make sure she’s okay with you getting closer again, you start to talk and get her to open up and finally you open up, she feels trusted and she trusts you then to seal the deal you give her something meaningful so she’s always thinking of you. Never fails. Munson guarantee.”

Eddie smiles shaking his head. “Munson guarantee?”

“Munson Guarantee. Works one hundred percent of the time and if it doesn’t then you get a full refund.”

Eddie stands collecting their plates. “I didn’t invest no money in this.”

Wayne stands and scruffles Eddie’s bed hair. “That would be the point my boy.”

Eddie finishes his morning routine in a relatively good mood, every few minutes having a laugh at Wayne’s girl advice.

Five steps to win you back.

Yeah right.

---

He’d been a selfish idiot and sat in his regular spot, placed next to yours. Only for you to walk in, see him, turn tail and sit in the front corner. He couldn’t stop the pang of guilt in his chest when you walked away even though he knew it was coming. The first class in the last fortnight where you weren’t nagging in his ear and he missed it. Nag is the wrong word. You don’t miss nagging. Maybe he just missed you talking to him. But you sat a metaphorical ocean away. He didn’t even have your number. There was no way possible for him to even begin to explain what was going on. Not like he wanted to.

So he moped. He sat with his feet on the desk biting his lip and letting his head fall back. Moping over the unexpected impact losing you had on him. No matter how brief and shallow your interactions were. Suddenly a pop up in the corner of his screen drew his attention. A black textbox with your name at the top.

An email.

A lifeline.

It was just about the project, the first few pieces of sheet music with notes and rewrites. It simply read ‘make sure you have your overlay done by next Monday for when I booked the studio.’ But to him it said so much more. He had a week. Maybe he could fix things.

Wayne’s list got into his head.

Step 1. Break the ice.

Eddie’s first thought of course is, make you laugh. He scrolled through his options for a good minute or so before finding something he had a gut feeling would at least make you smile. He found a gif of a cat typing on a computer with the caption ‘I’m on it!’. He smiled and sent it through, his eyes immediately drifting to you. It took you a few minutes but he watched as your mouth twitched upwards ever so slightly. A huff of amusement passing through your lips before you started typing again. A notification popped up on his screen, a reply.

‘Not funny.’

Progress is progress.

Step 2. Contact.

He didn’t really know how to make contact considering you had been keeping about a miles radius between you two. Luckily his chance came tumbling down some stairs. Quite literally. On your way out of class one of your books had fallen apart, pages falling to the floor. You were on your knees whilst the class had already passed you by. A hand appeared in front of you gathering the spill of paper. You looked up to thank the person it was attached to when you found yourself looking into familiar eyes.

“Thank you so- oh.”

Eddie swallowed holding his pile out to you. You immediately clammed up but took the pile and held it to your chest as you stood.

“Thanks.” You mumbled. He stood slowly to meet you before you walked past him and out the door. He thought that had made no difference until he found you no longer aimed to stay away. You no longer seemed wary of only words of harm leaving his mouth.

At least you weren’t shoving him away with a bargepole anymore.

Step 3. Talk.

Talking to you was evidently not his strong suit but he couldn’t have planned this better. He had your sheet music in hand, half assed notes of his own to make it look like he had questions and concerns. He would tell you he was curious about your style choices and needed an explanation. It was a perfect plan. Yet here he stands in front of you speechless.

“Couldn’t you have just emailed me?”

Shit.

“Well no my laptop crashed yesterday and I didn’t want to just not do the work so uh yeah.” Idiot.

You choose to ignore the fact that you saw him on his laptop in class earlier and you grab the sheet from his hands. You spend the next ten minutes going through his questions and correcting his notes. He fidgets as he sits listening to things he already knows. But you move closer. You point out his mistakes. You make eye contact. You finish your speech and look up at him tiredly.

“Don’t know where I’d be without you angel.”

“Probably be off torturing another girl somewhere.”

Your words hold no poison and he takes that as a victory, he smiles gently back at you.

“Probably. Probably”

Step 4. Apologize.

“Sorry what?” You replied, your face stuffed with a grilled cheese as you rip out your headphones. He was obviously interrupting. Oh well. Too late now.

“I was a dick. I’m sorry.” He said looking to the ground.

You put your food down and turned to face him. “Where’s this coming from? Been waiting for this Eddie all my life. Did your uncle have a go at you or something?”

Yes he did. But he didn’t need you knowing that. “No I just realized you were right. This work involves both of us and its easier when we can tolerate each other being in the same room.”

You sit in a silent state of shock at Eddie’s out of the blue maturity. “Oh. Okay then.” The silence continues as Eddie digs his shoe into the ground and you stare at your food. “Do you um- Do you wanna sit?” You gesture at the opposite bench.

His eyebrows raise. “Uh yeah. Yeah for sure.”

Maybe Wayne was right. It was that easy.

Just one more step.

---

At your usual table sat a familiar coffee cup. One with loafs of bread and leaves scrawled along the rim spotting this you instantly knew where it was from and who put it there. The real question was why.

You walk tentatively closer, eyes catching on the boy sitting in the opposite corner of the room chipping away at his black nail polish avoiding your eyes. Your attention then moves back to the cup as your bag slides off your shoulder and you reach for the cup taking a hesitant sip.

He even added almond milk.

You place the cup back down on the table and only then to you spot the hardly legible writing on the side.

‘Peace Offering?’

---

Taglist:

@micheledawn1975​ , @emma77645​ , @rustboxstarr​ 

[buckysimp101]

Everything The Light Touches (18+) - Chapter Ten

Mafia!Bucky x F!Reader

chapter warnings: language, angst, smoking, drinking, a lil bit of fluffy drunk bucky (you’ll see)

a/n: i. am. back! sorry for the wait for this chapter folks, it’s been an absolutely insane week but i have returned for an update! am i still dealing with a mild concussion? yup. did i want to put this chapter out as soon as i could though? also yes. don’t worry though, i’ve treated you to a 4k+ word chapter lol, hope y’all enjoy, if you wanna be added to the taglist just let me know!

Series Masterlist 

Bucky sat in the silence that followed your exit, stewing over the stipulations you gave him. You hadn’t asked for anything ridiculous, hadn’t requested something so far out of the limitations of the life you were stepping into. But he couldn’t help but just…stew.

First: “I want a contract. It might not be legally binding, because we can’t talk plainly about the reason we’re marrying, but it will be binding within the family. Nod if you agree.” 

What else could he do but nod. He’d never seen you take charge like this in the years he’d known you, but there was something that made him think he liked being bossed around a little. But something told him that it was only you he’d be willing to take directions from and Bucky Barnes hoped and prayed that one day he’d be able to achieve your forgiveness and test that theory.

Second: “I want separate rooms. I know I will have to move in with you for this to look legitimate, but I will not sleep in the same bed, let alone the same room as you.” 

That had made Bucky smirk a little. The fact that you’d thought hard about what a marriage to him would be like that you’d made a stipulation in your contract to stay as far away from his bed as possible. At the same time, Bucky had felt a pain in his chest as he realized he’d not be marrying you the way he once thought he would. Once upon a time, James Barnes had hopes to marry Y/N L/N in the most elaborate of ceremonies, proclaiming his love to the world. That dream had been dashed a decade ago, and mostly by his own hand; a realization he was seeing more clearly each and every day.

Third: “I will continue to work with Stark Industries. I will be allowed to visit Tony and Pepper whenever I want. I do not need to know what moves are being made between you and my…them. The less I know the better. I will not go down with any of you, even if I am married to you, if any of this ends up on the desk of the police commissioner, understood?”

He’d gotten cocky. His friends and family would probably say too cocky but at that moment he’d just responded with the first thing that popped into his head. 

“You think the police commissioner is so unattached from this world that he’d dare try to take us down?”

Cause that’s the way you make her want to fuckin marry you, dipshit, he thought to himself only seconds after speaking those words. One thing about Bucky Barnes? He was notorious for making shit worse.

Fourth: “You’re free to sleep with whoever you want. I will not ask you to…deny yourself. I just don’t want to know about it, do NOT bring anyone into our home. Not only would it be disrespecting your wife in front of everyone, it would bring the legitimacy of our marriage into question. Are we clear?”

That stipulation had given him pause. It was that stipulation that made the reality of a wedding between Bucky and you feel like more of a…well…reality. Bucky hadn’t thought once about what would happen after the two of you married. If you would ever be able to repair a friendship that he’d torn to shreds, and not done a great job fixing in recent times, or if you’d hate each other for the rest of your lives. You both were full grown adults with basic sexual needs. And right now, Bucky realized, if those needs were to be filled…they wouldn’t be with each other. Something that had Bucky grinding his teeth in anger. But again, he had merely nodded his agreement to your fourth stipulation.

Fifth: “On that note, I want you to know that I will not, and I want this to be oh so perfectly clear, I will NOT give the Barnes Family an heir.”

Oh the entire conversation that came with that condition had Bucky hot and cold at the same time. He was grinning like an idiot. A fucking idiot. At the fact that you’d thought about sleeping with him in some way in order to bring up this stipulation. Then as he decided to oh-so-stupidly point out that fact, the grin that had been growing on his lips was wiped away in an instant. You were correct. A million percent correct that he’d made a major life decision without you in the past. One that, if he’d been smarter at nineteen and used his resources, wouldn’t have the two of you fuming at each other from across the Barnes Family Dining Room Table. He hated that you thought he’d force you into giving him an heir. Hated that you thought he’d take that big of a life-changing decision out of your own hands. Hated all the steps he’d taken in his life that led you to having that level of distrust in him. While Bucky’s face showed anger, his stomach felt like it was lined with lead. He’d never felt more sick in his life. But he couldn’t tell you that. It was your final demand that tipped him over that edge.

Lastly: “Lastly, if Alexander and Liam both end up disappearing, I want out. I want a divorce. I want to go back to California. I never want to see you again.”

Hurt like he hadn’t known in a number of years flooded through him at your final words. But a part of Bucky knew that he had nobody to blame but himself. He also knew, that he wasn’t going to hold you into a contractual marriage longer than was necessary. It would kill you. Slowly. And he couldn’t do that to you. Not again. So, like he’d done to all your previous requisites, he nodded, grinding his teeth as hard as he could to stop himself from saying something that would bomb the whole agreement, and he watched you walk away in search of his parents and Tony.

Bucky knew he was a dumbass. He knew now just how stupid he’d been all those years ago. The fact that you had to approach him and his family, with a contract for marriage, to save your own life? It was proof that he’d done the opposite of protecting you. You. The one person in this world that he’d have killed for or been killed for once upon a time. You, the former light of his entire life. The person he was willing to share his entire empire with. He’d driven you away. He’d driven you right into the arms of the people who wanted nothing more than to use you. Hurt you. Force you to do something that would utterly transform you.

And the truth was…he wasn’t much better than them.

He’d made your decision for you all those years ago. And now James Buchanan Barnes was dealing with those consequences. Guilt swirled through his head and his heart as he continued to mull over the conversation that had taken place at the dining room table not long ago. He’d heard you speaking with his father about inviting a friend to the wedding and a promise from George in return to do his best. Bucky decided to take a breather, and a cigarette, on the balcony just outside the dining room, but apparently you’d had the same idea. Bucky hadn’t even been able to light his before the door was being tossed open and you were walking right past where he was sitting in the dark to the balcony’s edge. Seeing you encompassed by the light of the shining moon and the glittering lights of Manhattan had Bucky practically gasping for air. He knew you were beautiful. Always had been, always will be. A part of him was eager to make you his wife, until he remembered all the conditions that would come with it and that it was as fake of a marriage as Megan’s tits.

Fucking Megan Bucky had practically growled internally. She’d been blowing up his phone all week and after tonight there was no way he was going to be reaching out to her any time soon. Even though stipulation four stated he could sleep with whoever he wanted, Bucky had a feeling there was a little more emotion hidden under that. And he wasn’t quite ready to deal with it. He went to speak when he saw you pull out a cigarette and lighter, and a part of him wanted to laugh out loud at watching you indulge in the habit you’d given him such shit for over the years. But again, he was silenced. The vision of you smoking made Bucky feel like you were actively trying to inhale all the stress and anger and then blow it all away. But he knew he couldn’t sit in silence like a creeper anymore and just watch you, so he cleared his throat and spoke. He knew he sounded like a tool. A fucking prick. But for some reason, Bucky still spoke to you as if he wanted nothing to do with you. The opposite was true. Bucky Barnes was willing to learn everything about you, all your nuances, all your changes, all your interests all over again. But his fucking mouth just didn’t know when to stop. And the next time he spoke, more stupidity fell out. 

“You know Y/N, you never asked if I had any stipulations. I think it’s time we talked.”

StupidstupidstupidfuckingSTUPID. Oh my god you sound like a goddamn ASSHOLE!  His inner monologue was raging and it took all his might not to outwardly cringe at the way his words sounded. One look at you and Bucky could practically feel the heat of your anger bubbling under the surface of your skin. Bucky scrambled looking for a way to course correct the things he’d just said to you and then he paused. Realization took over. Realization that he was acting this way to try and protect you. And that maybe if you hated him. And continued to hate him throughout the course of this scam of a marriage. Then maybe you’d be able to do what you wanted after Liam and Alexander were disposed of. You’d be able to leave. Live your own life. Love who you wanted. Even if that meant it wasn’t him. So Bucky Barnes did what he does best. He continued to act like an asshole. And began listing his own “stipulations," i.e. whatever he could say that may drive the nail into the coffin that forces her to leave him eventually.

“Well firstly, there’s the expectation that you be the best little mafia wife in existence,” he drawled, watching the anger that was simmering under the surface bubble over fully onto your face before continuing, “and that means speaking when spoken to, not getting involved in the Family business without consulting me first. It means being respectful of the organization you find yourself a part of now. You come to me when you have a problem with me, not my father, not my mother, not Tony Fucking Stark. Me. Clear?”

You had to be grinding your teeth just as much as he’d been during the announcement of your conditions but you cleared your throat and answered nonetheless, “As glass, Barnes.” You looked at him pointedly, one eyebrow raised waiting for him to continue and that’s what spurred Bucky on. He didn’t have nearly as many demands as you’d had, partially because he wasn’t convinced that you were ever going to show up at his parents house in the first place so he didn’t have time to prepare. 

“Finally, and yes there are only two stipulations here as opposed to the entire table of contents you pulled on me back there. Finally, I don’t expect you to sleep with anyone. The only person you can have is me while we are married. Sleeping with another man, no matter how well you think you can hide it, would bring dishonor on the entire organization. That means no flirting with my men or any random ones you might see throughout our marriage. No sex, in our home or outside it. I expect you to uphold these conditions and I will do the same for yours. I hope that we are understood.” 

His final stipulations were spoken with a clipped tone as Bucky attempted to distance himself by pissing you off. He didn’t wait for you to respond verbally, you offered a nod of your head and that was enough for him. Bucky put out his cigarette and disappeared back inside the Barnes family home, finding his parents and Tony Stark eagerly waiting one of them to come back inside. Bucky made eye contact with his father who was looking at his son curiously, trying to get a read on the energy that Bucky was emitting. They stared in silence for a moment before George spoke.

“You are dismissed. She’s moving in tomorrow morning. Don’t be late.”

It was enough of a dismissal that Bucky gave his mother a quick peck on the cheek and disappeared into the night, walking aimlessly towards The Underworld. The walk towards The Underworld allowed Bucky space and time to think about how much of an absolute idiot he’d been. Not just tonight but ten years ago. He thought about how he should’ve gone to his parents immediately after speaking to yours instead of making decisions on his own. He should’ve told Sam and Natasha the truth instead of leaving them in the dark. He should’ve talked to you. But nineteen year old Bucky hadn’t thought of that. What he’d thought of was the fact that his family had lost Ivan Romanoff very recently in a dirty fight with Pierce’s family. He’d thought about the fact that he was going to be the next boss one day and that his decisions would be law at that point so there was no use second guessing himself. He’d thought he was protecting you. By leaving you alone. By giving your parents no reason to not trust you, to allow them to send you to California by yourself. He’d thought he was protecting his own heart by leaving you, because if he broke your heart before you broke his with the betrayal he thought you might be involved in, then it would all be okay in the end.

Twenty-nine year old Bucky didn’t have much of a leg to stand on. He had no reason to be an asshole to you after discovering that you’d been hidden away from your parents plans your whole life. After he’d found out that you had done nothing to lose his trust and it was his fault that your relationship had fallen apart. He’d been a dick who couldn’t even apologize correctly because a) he’d pissed you off with every word he’d spoken recently, and b) he’d done nothing that would prove to you that he was truly sorry. And that? That’s what put him in the VIP section of The Underworld, nursing one of Clint’s Painkillers as his insides rumbled their discontent at his behavior, and listened to Nathasha lay into him. 

The day after the impromptu meeting at his family’s headquarters, Bucky had agreed to meet with Natasha and Sam separately to talk to them about what had happened, and to apologize for lying by omission. That night Natasha had told him that he was a ‘fucking idiot who obviously doesn’t deserve jackshit in this world and if she ever fucking chooses you then you better grovel like hell.’ She was right. And they both knew it. And tonight was much of the same.

“Her stipulations were smart as fuck and well-grounded and you know it, Barnes. If you ever want to get in her good fucking graces then you need to stop opening your mouth obviously. Especially when every other word is not you, it’s this cocky man-child who doesn’t know when to shut his goddamn mouth!” Natasha’s face was almost as red as her hair as she hissed at Bucky who was now practically lolling on the secure section’s couch, his black leather jacket that he’d thrown off the second he walked through the curtain, hanging off the arm of the couch. 

“I know they were smart, Romanoff. She’s always been smart. She’s a fucking lawyer. She’s the best goddamn person I have ever met in this world but every time I’m around her I turn into a fucking cave man. It’s like I can’t help but make her angry,” Bucky groaned as he finished his drink and gestured at Natasha to get him another one. She stared at him before he opened one eye and pouted, hoping the puppy dog look would get her to fetch him more booze. She rolled her eyes and grabbed the drink from his hand, grumbling the entire way to the bar and back.

“Thank you, Nat,” Bucky whispered as she sat the drink a little harshly onto the table in front of him, part of the drink sloshing over the sides. Her face softened just a bit at the softness of Bucky’s voice before she was correcting it and looking down at him once more.

“You need to slow down there, Barnes. You know what Barton’s Painkillers do to Steve, don’t think that you’re immune to the effects of large amounts of alcohol just because you’ve realized you’re a dumbass.”

Her bluntness made Bucky almost choke on his drink. His moment coughing on the drink brought a grin to Natasha’s lips as she sat down next to him. As he continued chugging, she studied him before Bucky spoke again.

“I don’t know what to do, Nat. I’ve been a fucking idiot. She’s been thrown into this world that she probably never wanted to be a part of. She can’t trust her parents, her old friends deserted her,” a throat clearing from Nat and a sharp pointed look made Bucky reword his statement, “because I made them, and her only true friend that isn’t mixed up in all of this lives across the country. She deserves the entire world to be laid at her feet. She deserves more than to be a glorified trophy wife. And she deserves more than to be stuck with me.”

A beat of silence. Another. And another. Until a sharp giggle cut through the tension, a sound Bucky hadn’t heard in at least a decade. His head whipped up to look at Natasha, to find her face red yet again, but this time it wasn’t because she was angry.

“Oh. My. God. You. Are. Fucked.” Natasha giggled as she threw her head back. “You’re so fucking fucked. Because you, my big idiot of a friend, are still in love with her. I don’t think you’ll be able to convince me that you ever stopped loving her.” Natasha’s giggles had turned into flat out laughter now as she held her stomach and continued laughing. But all Bucky could do was groan louder and finish his drink.

Because Natasha Romanoff. Was 100% correct. And they both knew it. But before Bucky had the chance to really sit on that realization, he could hear a specific voice loud and clear from across the club. Megan.

Natasha looked at him, wide eyed and waiting for him to do something he’d regret, and for once in his life he made a smart decision. Bucky tipped his head to his friend, whispered a ‘thank you, Nat. For everything,’ and snuck out the back entrance of the club to walk as quickly as he could back to his penthouse in hopes of avoiding Megan.

Natasha was right. Clint’s Painkillers were known as the strongest drinks on the island, why Bucky thought he could down them like they were water was a mystery as he practically stumbled through his apartment door. He would’ve walked straight to his bedroom if he wasn’t tripped up by a ball of white fluff scampering to the doorway. Bucky looked down to see Alpine chirping at his feet, extending her front paws to press against Bucky’s lower leg. Bucky bent down to pick up the small cat and cuddle her close.

“Alp, what did I say about running to the door when it opens? You gotta be careful, someone’s gonna trip and fall one day,” he cooed as Alpine merely mewed lightly and nuzzled into his arms. He remembered the day he brought Alpine home four years ago. Just a little kitten, covered in dirt after being found in the alleyway behind The Underworld by Thor.  Eventually, Bucky had grabbed her and brought her home with him. He’d wanted a pet for a while. But the little white kitten had reminded him of the dream you’d told him about long ago. A dream of a family, a white kitten, a yard for children to play in. Everything you’d wanted that Bucky could never give you. Bucky shook himself out of his drunken memories and looked down at Alpine, who in turn was gazing back at him.

“We’re gonna have a new friend moving in here tomorrow, so there will be a lot of feet to step on your tail, or for you to trip. So I’ll have to put you up for most of the day, is that okay?” Alpine chirped in response so Bucky nodded and continued, “Our new guest is very nice, Alpine. She’s so beautiful. And smart. Hell she’s the reason I brought you home in the first place,” he huffed out a laugh as he put Alpine down and began walking to his bedroom before settling on his bed, still in his clothes, before adding, “just be careful not to mess up her stuff or trip her and I’m sure she’ll like you…and vice versa. Believe me, it’s ridiculously hard to hate her,” Bucky’s voice faded as he fell into the mattress and passed out. Clint Barton’s Painkillers were, in fact, too much.

So much so that he almost missed his alarm the next morning. Almost. Because Alpine was there swatting his nose making sure she was fed her breakfast. Bucky’s head was pounding and he was not looking forward to all the noise that would be engulfing his apartment soon enough. He’d chugged water and Tylenol just after eating breakfast and made sure that the opposite side of his home was guest ready before putting Alpine up for the day.

Chaos. Utter chaos. That’s what moving another person’s belongings into an already lived in apartment was like. It felt like everyone had shown up to help, Tony, Pepper, Steve, Sam, Nat, George and Winnie. When Nat had walked through the door she’d given Bucky a sharp look before tossing him a pouch of Liquid IV to get through the day. He silently thanked her with a nod as everyone began bringing things up. You and Bucky ignored each other. It was fairly simple to do when you’ve practically got an entire basketball team worth of people helping. Bucky noticed Natasha hovering around you slightly, offering to help more directly  than Steve or Sam, who were hanging back a bit. Bucky swore his heart was growing wings when you allowed Nat to help with a small grin on your lips. It wasn’t much. Everyone knew that. But Natasha’s responding smile was enough to make Bucky happy that maybe one good thing could come out of this arrangement. Maybe you’d be able to reconnect with your old friends. 

As the move finished and people left, things grew more tense between the two of you as it became increasingly difficult to not be around each other. When it was finally just the Barnes family and you left, much to Tony Stark’s annoyance, Bucky could feel the tension settling around his apartment like a fog. His father looked like he wanted to say something but Bucky held his hand out asking him to wait. Without waiting for a response, Bucky went to the room Alpine had been left in and opened the door, giving the cat the ability to move as she pleased, before returning to his family. You looked at him questioningly, one eyebrow raised, but Bucky just turned towards his father and gestured for him to continue. 

 “Now that you’re moved in, there are just a couple things we need to talk about regarding this marriage. The first thing is, it will be taking place in a month from now.”

You and Bucky both inhaled quickly, looking at each other briefly before turning your attention back to George who had been studying your reactions before continuing.

“Y/N, I am going to try my best to get your friend here in time for the wedding so long as it is safe for her. You told me she and her husband have young twins and I would not want to endanger their family.”

You nodded in response to George before quietly speaking, “Thank you, Mr. Barnes.”

George nodded but Bucky noted the solemn look on his face, “don’t thank my quite yet, sweet girl. There’s still one more thing we need to talk about. Call it…my stipulation. I know for a fact that you and my son both have talked about what you expect from this marriage and how you will ensure that, but I need to make my singular demand known.”

You both sat there, silently waiting for George to address the only condition he had for the marriage. Bucky watched his father’s gaze land on Winnifred, then you, and finally he felt his father’s gaze land on him. George took a breath before speaking again.

“I need you two to make this as public and as real as possible. That means you need to seem like you like each other. I’m not going to tell you the level of intimacy you should engage in in public, that is not my place, but is imperative that Y/N’s parents and the Pierce’s believe that you two are irrevocably in love with each other. And not like Y/N is only doing this for her safety and the protection that we can offer. You need to convince them.” He paused as Bucky’s breath got stuck in his throat. Bucky felt frozen to his seat and he was sure you felt the same way, he had to stare hard to make sure that you were still breathing. George waited another moment, making sure the two of you understood just how serious he was before finishing.

“I know this will be hard after everything that has come to light recently, but you need to act like you’re the sixteen and seventeen year olds that fell in love, once upon a time, all over again.” 

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