#//i hate this image so much but i ran out of time T T

[visitmedali]

Apparently, 400k people are already watching Iono's stream... though you probably already know that.

It's a bit early for me, but happy new year to everyone. I'll probably be at home and asleep before the clock hits 12.

[skele-bunny]

okay okay okay gimme pregnant swiss!!! (with mountain ofc)

Self Conscious. (CW) Mountain/Swiss

CW - Self Image Issues, "fat" used negatively

Characters: Swiss, Mountain

(Hi STINKY 🫵 Swissalps for you. Fluff post! Divider by @ wrathofrats )

Staring into the mirror felt like a burden. A disgrace and reminder of how tormented and swollen Swiss felt. His eyes lingered as he turned, grimace worsening as his very obvious, very big, very fat pregnant stomach looked back. Carrying twins wasn't pretty, Swiss knew it wouldn't be. He just didn't expect it to look so bad on him. After all, Swiss was only three months pregnant at this point. He felt disproportionate. His keyhole scars around his chest just a bright pink as his breasts started swelling again, leading to another thing Swiss hated about his current stature.

Stretch marks ran up his sides, armpits, and more importantly his stomach. The soft flesh just above his genitals had started swelling just as much to the point he required help to shave himself. Needless to say, Swiss felt fucking ugly.

The multi turned to see skin rolls on his back, and that just seemed to set him off. Tears slowly swelled before openly crying, bringing his hands up to cover his face. He used the sink counter to lower onto the closed toilet seat, tail wrapping around his thigh and squeezing for some kind of reassurance that did nothing but make it worse as Swiss eyed the extra fat it squeezed.

His sobs wracked through his body, setting off a surge of both hormones and elements, dead flowers popping up through his frazzled hair he hadn't gotten done yet. Even worse, his body felt hotter than normal, hand going to his chest as a warning burp made itself known. He was a mess. Through and through. Another wail left, finger pads pushing into his round stomach.

"Petal?" A knock at the closed bathroom door echoed, Mountain's scent of worry becoming obvious as the smell of wet dirt clouded. "Are you alright? I could smell you from the kitchen."

The sentence hit worse, Swiss now too obvious of his own body odor from not showering yet. "G-Go away!" He sobbed again.

"Oh, darling... What's the matter?"

Swiss couldn't find it in himself to respond, frantically wiping his cheeks and shaking his head. The door knob jiggled before a silent curse, a tiny vine slipping through the keyhole and the wooden door opened, Swiss snapping his head up and grabbing the roll of toilet paper near to throw at Mountain's head—Who thankfully ducked in time.

"Get out!" He now grabbed their toothbrush holder, throwing it next. "Get the fuck away from me!"

Mountain lifted his hand, catching the container quickly but placing it back down with gentleness. "Swiss... What's the matter?" He got down to one knee, ignoring as Swiss pushed at his shoulders and chest.

He kept sobbing, "Get away from me! I-I smell bad, and you said you could smell me, and I don't even know how you can stand looking at me!" Swiss fumbled as Mountain carefully grabbed his wrists, concern written on the earth ghoul.

"Darling, you smell distressed, not bad... Sweetheart..." Mountain whined, lifting his hands away to carefully wipe away tears that fell from his mates puffy face. "What's ailing you?"

Moving to lean into Mountain's calloused palms, Swiss sniffled again, his ears drooped. "I feel so ugly, Mount... I can't stand looking at myself anymore. I try t-to find positives in everything but I just can't. I'm not cut out for this..."

In an instant, Mountain's heart shattered. In his eyes, Swiss was the representation of the sun and moon, the existence of both life and death. He was beautiful. Represented every single thing Mountain loved, packed into one. To know his mate seen himself in such a negative light hurt him, better yet the fact of how much his mate was hurting—unbeknownst to Mountain this entire time.

"Are you having second thoughts?" He asked quietly, leaning up to rest his chin on Swiss' shoulder so the other could dead weight against him.

"No—Maybe? I don't know... I feel so lost. I feel so disgusting about everything. I love you, I love our children, but I can't... Love myself. I can't love the fact that me growing our kits is doing this to me."

The earth ghoul trilled, tail swaying some as he thought for a moment. "Can I use my logic?"

"I love your logic." Swiss laughed some, letting tears continue to quietly go down Mountain's shoulder.

"Okay, well... Tell me what you're not liking."

"My breasts are coming back."

"Well, since you stopped testosterone, your estrogen is coming back in play. Our bodies are quick to adapt, and you're in another adaptation stage. They're now clicking into your other hormones like prolactin which is causing the growth. However, since you had top surgery, your prolactin is trying to fill in the gaps which is causing the bumps." Mountain moved back, showing Swiss the bumps along his chest. "They're swelling your ducts more to prepare for the kits as you're carrying multiple and don't have bigger areas to swell at. However, once the kits get out of a nursing stage, you'll start getting flat again."

"So it's not," Swiss looked up, grimacing just a bit. "Forever?"

"No. Not forever. They may have a bit of a swelling for a long time, but not outright breasts. You'll just have some Aether tits." That caused a laugh from the multi, slowly kicking his feet back and forth.

"My stomach."

The taller moved down again, nuzzling his face against the bump and kissing it gently. "Your uterus is creating extra layers of protection and enlarging itself for nutrients and more blood flow using endometrium. Since you're growing two rascals, it's having to expand more to adjust to their sizes. Earth kits are known for being giants... Let alone the sac placed around them. But your body is adjusting to the size change and actively going to keep them healthy."

Swiss stayed silent, looking down as Mountain caressed his stomach. His fingers were so delicate, going up his stretch marks to his belly button. He leaned in once more to place a kiss.

"If you're worried about what you'll look like after, our skin is elastic. It's how we're able to shift through our forms without ripping ourselves open. You can maintain your size, if that's what you want, or simply use your elasticity to shimmer back down. Your stretch marks, though, won't go away..." Mountain sighed, admiring his mate's skin. "But I love them. Baphomet save me, I love them so much. Every single one of them."

A small laugh, "Even the ones on my cooch?"

"Even the ones on your cooch."

Leaning down, Swiss gently cupped Mountain's jaw so they could make eye contact. "Do you promise that you still love me? That I'm attractive? I don't even fit in your clothes anymore..."

"Oh, petal... I think if mother nature was a person, it'd be you. I think you're more beautiful than the earth." Swiss' heart jumped, tears swelling up more.

It was a serious mockery to ghouls to whisper your love more than your element, but such a strong example of devotion. Swiss wrapped his arms around Mountain's neck, crying harder against his shoulder. Never once did Mountain let go of Swiss, purring and sending comforting pheromones to try and relax.

Wiping his eyes on Mountain's collar, Swiss exhaled. "I need to shower and do my hair, I just need to feel... Better."

"Want me to help you?"

"...Please." Swiss nodded. "I need to shave."

"Ahh, deforestation. The bane of my existence."

Swiss broke into hysterical laughter, covering his mouth as he snorted. Even Mountain kept a smile as he leaned over to turn on their shower, making sure the temperature was comfortable.

"Am I washing your hair?" He asked, questioning to grab Swiss' shower cap or not.

"Yeah." Mountain placed the cap back on their shower caddy.

Slowly stripping himself, Swiss couldn't help but eye the stretch marks Mountain had on his back, slowly looking down at his thighs that had similar design. He smiled somewhat, rubbing his thumb over the discolored line.

"And what would my darling like his style to be once we're done?" Mountain scooped Swiss up, stepping them into the warm water, sitting him on the shower stool. "Are we thinking buns, are we thinking top knots, maybe even twists?" His claws gently began to rake through Swiss' messy afro, pick carefully sectioning his hair.

The sigh of relief that left Swiss could easily be mistaken for a moan, Mountain's tail twitching in response. He gave a chuckle, moving to kiss his mate's forehead.

"Dealers choice?"

Swiss nodded, moving his back against Mountain's fur-covered legs. "Yeah... Dealer's choice."

[l0verboyxoxo1111]

Hello ! Could you please do a wolfstar student reader (if not wolfstar, just one of them) x platonic professor snape, where despite hating their fathers with every cell in his body, he has a very soft spot for them, seeing so much of himself in them : bullied by others a lot, library rat with exceedingly great talent for potions …

Set up and ending is up to you, thank you !

Hey! Here it is!

Severus Pov:

“Y/n Black wasn’t like her fathers, Sirius and Remus. She always had been an outcast, bullied by the other students, she was anything but her parents. but yet, so similar to them by her looks. I’ve tried to distract myself from not seeing myself in her. but somehow it’s impossible, I looked at her in my class, as she was making a potion, Y/n was incredibly good at it.

She was so passionate about making potions.

I never thought I would say it, but she was my best student. I tried to hate her for everything that her parents did to me back then at the past. but how could I ignore someone who was just like me when I was younger?

It was quite impossible. I tried to distract myself from my thoughts as I realised that the class was over, “class is over.” I said, as the students went out of my class, Y/n was still sitting at her desk, adding notes in her potion book, a kid from a desk behind her came up to her saying, “nerdy Y/n. can’t even get her eyes out of the book, even at recess” the boy chuckled. “Such a pathetic bookworm.”

He took her potion book, raising it up, as she got up from her seat trying to get the book from him he looked at her laughing, “oh you want the book?” She nodded at him, as he threw the book away to the other side of the class, here you go.” A tear fell to her chin, I stood up as I walked next to him grabbing his Shirt collar in my hands, “Mr. B/L/N detention now. Don’t you dare touching Mrs. Black stuff again, or I will make sure your butt would be grounded the entire year.” I let go of his shirt as he looked at me panicking, “Sorry professor, I won’t do it again.”

As he ran away from the class, I breathed heavily, grabbing Y/n book from the floor, and handing it to her, she looked at me tearing up, “t-thank you professor.” I planned not to respond back and go away. But the words came up from my mouth, “why are you spending your recess I’m here?” Her cheek got red from embarrassment, “I, I don’t really have anything to do outside, or someone to be with..” I raised my brow at her, “how can it be the the daughter of Sirius and Remus ain’t able to get any friends?” I knew she was always in the shadow and not always spending time with the other students, but I have never thought it got into a situation when she was always by herself, I felt sorry for her in some way, she whispered “it appears that being their child didn’t really helped me in anything,”

She breathed out trying to find words, “I have never been like my parents, they always have the image of the girl the wished for, the girl that I’m supposed to be. and not matter how much I’ve tried I can’t be that girl.” She looked to the side, “nobody here seems to understand me or even tries to get to know me, and I can’t seem to find the reason of what am I doing wrong?”

She sighed. I wanted to leave, I didn’t want to be there for her. she doesn’t deserve my comfort. Even if she’s different, she’s still THEIR child. But does it really matter anymore? I’m still her professor. If I won’t be here for her nobody would, even not her own parents. “This kids are wrong, you haven’t done anything to get all of this hate, I will make sure they won’t bother you anymore.” I said, as her sight moved towards mine. she whipped the tears from her eyes, “I appreciate it professor.” She said getting back in her chair.

I smiled slightly, somehow feeling good that I stayed and offered her my help, “what are you adding there?” I looked at her pointing my finger at her potion book, she smiled at me, “just clarifications, and I’m actually trying to create a new potion that I’ve thought of.” She said in an excited voice, “mind showing me?” She handed me the book I read it, couldn’t believe in how brilliant this girl was, “that, that’s incredible.” She took the book from me, looked at the pages in her book, “thank you professor.” She had a questionable look in her face, “what?” I asked, “would you mind helping me with it?” I looked to the side trying to think what to do, “I- yes why not.”

With time passing by it became a routine, every recess. me and Y/n have been Working together on making her potion, adding herbs and removing others. Sharing thoughts and ideas,and I even helped her to get some friends. I never thought I could have a soft spot for their child, but things have changed. even if she’s their, it doesn’t matter anymore. she’s.. she’s different.”

Summer vacation Y/n pov:

“The year passed by and me and professor Snape started to be sort of friends somehow, I never would have thought that me and him would get along, he always seemed to hate me. I knew it was because of my parents, but I knew that he just got the wrong idea of me since I am their child. And I’m glad that he did, I don’t know what would have done without him, he helps me with the bullies and appreciating me for my ideas, sharing his childhood memories with me, that make me feel like I’m not alone in that situation, I couldn’t believe I would ever say that, but professor snape is a big inspiration to me. nobody ever cared about me as much as he did, even no my dads.

I got close to our house door, knocking on it. as the door opened, my dads started hugging me and welcoming me, I entered and sat on the couch, as they started asking me about my year, I begin to tell them about it, and how Professor Snape was there for me and helped me, Sirius cut me in my sentence. “Snivellus? Why are you even talking to that creep darling?” Remus joined him “yes sweetie snivellus is a bad influence on you, you shouldn’t hang with him, you need to get friends, company, not that.” Sirius nodded “maybe try socialising with the students instead of reading your books all day, you are smart enough you don’t need all of that learning, it makes you a loner.” Remus added to that comment “you don’t want people to get the wrong expression of you, don’t you?”

I got angry at their comments. Why do they mind it so much? Why can’t they be happy when I’m doing things that I find interesting, why do they always gotta be like that? “Maybe that’s what I want to do, I don’t want to change myself so people would find me interesting.” I bite my lip, “why would you want that?” Sirius added, “because I don’t care! They can think whatever they want. YOU can think whatever you want of me, I won’t stop doing what I like, and you can hate on professor Snape as much as you want, but he did what nobody did for me! He helped me, he cared for me. He even help me talking to new kids.” I sighed, Remus looked at me, “we get it darling but we don’t want you to be like him.”

“I don’t mind it! I’m done with trying to be the girl you have always wished for. “the popular girl who ain’t a bookworm. and always Chasing around so she’ll have the biggest society circle in Hogwarts.” I took a breath, “I’m not like that, and I will never be that. And I’m fine with that, and if you really care for me? You should be happy that I’ve got someone to be there for me, that I even got knew friends, I don’t need everyone to like me that’s fine please just accept it.”

The walls surrounding Remus and Sirius closed up, chocking them the moment they realised their daughter similarly to Severus’s. This was like staring at the past, she was supposed to be better than that, better than him. Yet she was like a reflection of him, in so many ways. But how could they not accept their daughter for what she loves and makes her feel happy? They just can’t, they looked at each other as they looked at her, “we are sorry darling you’re right, we should be here for you and accept that, you are who you are and it won’t change, and we love you no matter what as long as you are happy.”

Y/n for once in a long time was happy and relieved, she finally was understood by her surroundings, with support of her parents and her favourite Professors, she begin having friends who liked her for who she is, and it wouldn’t be so without her professor who she was thankful for, for truly seeing her for who she was and helping her.”

That’s it! I hope you liked it, it’s my first fanfic so I hope it’s fine and there aren’t a lot of mistakes thank you for your idea🫶🏻

[biancasreign]

CODY RHODES | GALA NIGHT

"Baby!"

"Can you come zip this dress for me?" Giselle called out to her husband as she finished applying her makeup.

"You look beautiful. This is the dress I brought you?" He asked as she turned around to face him.

"Mmh, this is the one you surprised me with in Paris. I can't believe how much my body has filled in so much." She smiled and rubbed her small stomach that was visible in the dress.

"The weight looks good on you babe." He told her before stepping back and allowing her to look into the mirror.

She ran her hands over the smooth material of the emerald green dress that clung to her body. She loved how the bottom of the dress was hemmed to show off her toned legs.

"These the shoes you're wearing? I don’t wanna hear you feet are hurting Giselle." He pointed towards the four inch silver strapped heels that sat on the vanity chest.

"Yeah, and I'm going to be sitting the whole time so that's fine!" She said as he lifted up her dress and placed her foot on his lap.

"Stop! You always wanna get something started!" She lightly pushed his arm as he rubbed up her thighs and back down to her foot.

"It's not my fault you look all good, skin all glistening and smooth." He sucked his teeth and strapped her heels for her.

"Is Gianna dressed? Do they need my help getting her ready?" She asked referring to their personal styling crew.

"They got her babe, but go ahead and help anyways because I know how you are."

“And be careful on those stairs.” He told her.

Slowly walking down the steps Giselle held onto the banister and made her way into the glam room where Gianna was sitting in a mini pink directors style chair getting her toes painted.

"Mommy, you look so pretty! Like a princess!" The girl gasped at her mom making everyone turn towards her.

"Thank you baby. You look pretty too." She leaned down the best she could and kissed her cheek.

Gianna Dream Rhodes was the couples oldest child and she was a literal spilting image of her mom. From her smooth chocolate skin to her huge almond shaped eyes and perfect teeth, she was the mini version of Giselle.

At times Giselle hated how much they were alike because her attitude reminded her too much of her own.She hated scolding her for it because she could almost understand her attitude but wouldn't tolerate the disrespect.

"Are we leaving soon?" She asked.

"Mmh, as soon as your toes dry." Giselle nodded her head and took a seat in one of the empty chairs.

Tonight Cody was receiving an award for all the work he's done for the community and the foundation threw him a huge gala event to celebrate.

Every year during the holidays the couple would do huge food drives and give people in need everything they needed to be satisfied for the upcoming holiday.

There was a variety of things they did for others because it extremely important to give back to the community in their eyes.

"Hi TT!" Gianna yell making Giselle look up from her phone and see Cody’s sister, Tara walking into the room.

"Hey Auntie's girl, you look so pretty." She smiled done at her before making her way over to Giselle.

"Giselle, how are you?"

"I'm doing alright T. You look pretty.” She smiled while looking over her appearance. Her blonde hair was styled in an updo allowing her slender face to be shown. She was dressed in a baby blue dress that came just above her knees and fitted her small curves.

“Thank you sister.”

"Look all my favorites in one room." Cody walked in and placed a kiss on his sisters cheek before picking up Gianna.

"You like my polish daddy?" She asked him.

"Of course, it looks beautiful." He kissed her cheek once more before placing her on the ground.

"Y'all ready to go?"

"Mmh, come on Gigi."

Gianna grabbed her hand as they exited the house and walked down the stairs to the metal gate where the car was waiting for them.

"Thank you." She spoke to chauffeur as he held the door open and allowed Giana to climb inside, her puffy taking up extra space as she sat down.

"Everyone alright back there?" Cody turned to face us from the passenger seat.

"Yup, we're good babe." She nodded.

-

A few hours later

"Y'all look just alike when y'all are tired." Tara said as she looked over at us with a laugh.

"You know we can't hang sis." Giselle laughed before letting out a yawn and rubbing her hand over Gianna's hair.

"Gigi, you tired baby?

It was about ten at night and the family had been at the gala event for a few hours now. Cody gave his speech and also donated a good amount of money to the Children's Foundation which was an organization close to their hearts.

They walked around with Cody after the speech and spoke to a few of their closest friends and family members before Cody mingled around and thanked everyone.

Gigi and Giselle decided to sit down because Giselle’s feet were killing her and Gigi was tired of talking to people she didn't know.

"Mmh." She mumbled tiredly before letting out a yawn, laying her head on her mothers arm again.

"Okay, let's go find daddy." Giselle said as she grabbed her hand. Eventually they found him talking to a few of his friends and people who put the event together.

"What's up G?" Randy, his best friend spoke as they walked over to them.

"Hey Randy, I see you got it going on with this suit." I motioned towards his crisp and perfectly tailored suit.

"You know I gotta be clean at all times. Gianna youre not gonna say hi to me?" He joked while clacking her beads together making her she push his hand playfully.

"Stop it." She whined.

"She's tired." Giselle laughed as she let go of her hand and let her walk over to Cody. If she wasn't sleepy she would be all over Randy because he was her favorite person. She loved her godfather more than anything.

"Daddy." Gianna mumbled and reached her arms out for him to pick her up.

"Y'all okay?" He asked while picking her up like she wanted him to. She was beyond a daddy's girl and could win him over whenever she wanted.

"I mean we're fine but a little tired." Giselle said letting a yawn slip out and he laughed.

"Let me thank these people and we can go." He rubbed his wife’s back before making his way over to the microphone still holding Gianna. Both Giselle and Tara offered to take her but he brushed them off and said it was fine.

"I would just like to thank all of you for coming out and celebrating this achievement with me. It's an honor to be accepting this award for all my hard work." He started off saying.

"Most importantly I would like to thank my beautiful wife for being there every step of the way because none of this would be possible with her." He said and she smiled as everyone clapped their hands.

"Once again thank you everyone for being here but as you can see it's about time for me to go." He pointed towards a sleeping Gianna making some people coo and others laugh as he held his baby girl.

"Help yourselves to the refreshments and enjoy the rest of your night." He spoke before handing someone the microphone. He made sure to speak to Randy before making his way over to his family.

"You did amazing babe." Giselle kissed his lips.

"Thank you baby." He smiled.

[prolix-yuy]

Sheer

(Moodboard by @missredherring)

Pairing: Maxwell Lord x Plus Sized F!Reader

Summary: You owe more to an unlikely savior than you could ever imagine.

Word Count: 4.6k

Warnings: T, discussion of off-screen character death (cancer), negative body image and self-worth talk, light spicy thoughts, angst. While this story is not explicit, my blog and the content shared on it is 18+ MINORS DNI.

Notes: This story was a real surprise and a treat to pop out of my head one morning, especially with a Pedro boy I haven't written for! Our reader is a plus sized girlie in this story, and we're dealing with some negative body image and self-worth talk on both sides. The reader also discusses the death of a friend, so if that may be triggering to you feel free to scroll along, lovely reader.

This should have been your best first day. The first day at the job that will finally get your head above water. The first time you’ve felt qualified, and that you’d fit in. And the first where you could see the stepping stones to something bigger and better in front of you.

It was your fucking thighs that ruined it all.

You’d wanted to make a good first impression. Bought a whole new outfit just to show how committed you were, down to the thigh-high stockings and matching underwear. That was for you, something under the pencil skirt and blazer that made you feel even more powerful. It had cost a pretty penny too. Your ample bottom and full figure needed good support, and that plus lace was always the highest price at the lingerie boutiques. But you shelled it out, along with their recommended garters and thigh highs “for peak professionalism,” and were feeling yourself as you strutted off the subway. There was practically a soundtrack playing behind you. Maybe “Uptown Girl,” the notes making a smile come to your face and your head bob as you exited the train.

You’re normally more careful, aware of how much more space your body takes up than the other knockout New York girls streaming around you. But confidence had you swinging your hips and stepping confidently…right until you bumped into a woman’s handbag with an aggressive closure, the metal skimming past your calf and over the delicate nylon.

It ran instantly, a testament to how much of a rip-off these undergarments were. You felt it split along the length of your shapely leg as you hurried out of the station and towards the gleaming monolith of your office. Scurrying inside, you slipped into the bathroom unnoticed to assess the damage.

The run had split into a gaping maw down your leg, the smooth fantasy of the nylon revealing the more mottled flesh underneath. You held back tears as you wracked your brain for a solution. You could run to a shop, get a replacement pair. You’re still early to clock in, wanting to arrive punctually to impress your supervisor. That’s it, you’d just pop out to a drugstore for a new pair and no one would be the wiser.

It was a perfect plan. You just needed to move. But you can’t. You’re rooted to the spot. 

The mirror mocks you, internal monologue screaming to the forefront from where you battered her back this morning.

Wouldn’t have ripped them if you were smaller.

Why do you need to take up so much space?

Did you think all this would change what you are?

Nastier names you call yourself only in the torture chamber of your mind echo in your ears. Your mascara is dangerously close to running, eyes catching on every flaw in your outfit, every wrinkle, everything that screams don’t look at the parts I hate, every unflattering angle. You reach deep to return to that carefree state you held just fifteen minutes ago but it’s dissipated like steam from a coffee cup. 

Grabbing a handful of tissues you storm into a stall and lock it, leaning over to let the tears drip onto the floor without ruining your makeup. The minutes are ticking away, time running out to fix your minor wardrobe malfunction, but the ache in your head and behind your eyes has become the only thing you can focus on now. Your sobs are quiet little sniffles and short gasps, thankful for the privacy.

Suddenly, the door to the bathroom slams open, and you shoot up, holding your breath. You’re not alone anymore.

Someone in smart leather shoes smacks across the floor, walking past the stalls and coming to a stop. A zip, then the tinkle of urination. Your expression crumples on itself in confusion.

Then a deep, masculine sigh reaches your ears, and your face quickly burns with embarrassment.

Fuck, did you walk into the men’s room?

You didn’t even check, just burst in to the first door with a toilet on it. There may have been urinals, but you were too preoccupied in the moment to pay them any mind. You clap your hands over your mouth, lightheaded at the fact that you’re listening to a grown man piss and he has no idea you’re in here. This day has turned from amazing to devastating to mortifying so quickly you could throw up. 

The man finishes, striding over to the sinks to wash up. You breathe a sigh of relief, ready to make a mad dash out before someone else enters. The water turns off, a few flicks of his hands in the sink, and then…

He starts talking.

“This is your day,” he says, an order that you can imagine him doing in the mirror. “You will succeed in what you do, and you will find satisfaction in that success. You will continue to grow, and be proud of yourself. You will start doing that today.” With every word you cringe inwardly. He’s so earnest-sounding, really enunciating his daily affirmations in a public restroom. His voice is pleasing to listen to at least. If he was a late night radio DJ you would certainly tune in to him to fall asleep. 

A moment of silence, a silent hope.

“This is your day…”

Oh for fuck’s sake, embarrassment be damned, you can’t keep listening to this.

“Hi there,” you squeak out, your whole body tense as his monologue cuts off sharply. The pause is at least ten months pregnant before he speaks.

“I-I’m so sorry, I thought I was alone,” he stammers out, two quick steps heading towards the door.

“No, I’m sorry, I-I shouldn’t even be here, it’s…” Your words run out of steam when you realize his footsteps have stopped.

“You’re a woman. In the men’s room.”

You can’t help but smirk. He’s a little slow on the uptake. It’s surprisingly sweet.

“It’s been a rough morning.”

Another pause.

“Are you in trouble?”

You peal out a weak laugh.

“Nothing like that, just…” Taking a deep breath, you blow it out. Might as well admit your failures to a stranger. “I ripped my pantyhose on the way here, and it’s my first day and I wanted to make a good impression, and then I got overwhelmed and…” Your breath starts to quicken, and below the Pepto Bismol pink stall you see two shoes slowly approach. They’re well cared for, supple shining leather, but scuffed all along the toe. Tan slacks overtop the laces, a crisp pleat ironed into the length. You even see a glimpse of striped socks underneath, a collection of garish colors that makes you smile.

“Hey, it’s okay,” the voice says soothingly, closer than before. His accent sounds Spanish before he manually flattens it, forcing it back into his throat in favor of an all-American good boy accent. It eases the tension in your shoulders, sitting down on the toilet seat and dabbing at your eyes. 

“I know it’s stupid. And I should just go out and get another pair. I just…” you say, but struggle to voice what’s really bothering you to a man who hasn't seen your face. Who probably doesn’t care who you are beyond a bizarre Monday morning anecdote. Most don’t, after all. You can’t remember how many times a man has looked through you because of the roundness of your tummy, or the thickness of your thighs. Or even worse, devoured your curves with roaming eyes but won’t look you in the eye, or call you back. 

“It’s not stupid. You wanted to feel ready to take on the day, and something bad happened. We all deal with it,” he says, the gentle register he’s taking on soothing to your frayed nerves. “Do you have a place to go for another pair?” he asks. You bite your lip, shaking your head before realizing he can’t see you.

“First time out here, but I can manage,” you say timidly. The embarrassment of your predicament is climbing back up your throat, the thrumming need to get out and away making your hands shake.

“I know a place, but it’s probably quicker for me to run out for you. Do you want to stay here while I get them?” 

You sputter, a thousand excuses why he should not do that roiling in your brain. “You don’t have to,” is the only one you manage to get out, heart hammering. A little chuckle wafts to your ears, and the heat in your cheeks blooms in your tummy as well. He sounds handsome, and that is short-circuiting your brain even more.

“I have gone on an errand or two in my life,” he jokes, feet making their way towards the door. “Lock it behind me so no one else comes in. I’ll do this -” He knocks on the door in a quick but recognizable pattern. “- when I’m back. It should only be a few minutes.”

“You’re that good huh?” You stammer again, your whole body threatening to light on fire in this stall. This man may come back to a pile of ash instead of a woman dying of embarrassment. 

“Eh, I could be better,” he says, and the door to the outside opens with a rush of lobby noise. “Be right back.”

A thick slam lets you sneak out to bolt the lock. Returning to the mirror that betrayed you just minutes before, you watch your reflection. Behind the roundness in your face you pick at and criticize, you recognize another emotion. Determination, and fortitude you push yourself to stop downplaying. You can overcome this setback. Nothing is lost. If anything, you might have gained a confidant, someone you could laugh about this comedy of errors with over coffee in the break room. 

You’ll be sure to thank him properly when he gets back.

Maxwell Lorenzano hurries out of the office building he’s worked in for six months, down the street and to the Macy’s two blocks away. He knows these roads like the back of his hand, and all of the stores that line them. A good thing to keep in his back pocket when he was pitching new products and charming sales people. Especially good when he knows exactly which door to go through to get to the women’s delicates section.

He strides in with all the glorious purpose of a man on a mission, and people part for him. He likes to think it’s because he cuts an impressive figure, tan suit over a white button-up, brown and yellow striped tie flapping with urgency. But there’s always the nagging worry that it’s because they recognize him. That the scurry away is fear. He’d been confronted in the past, a handful of angry men and women who wanted to take out their frustrations with their fists. But worse is the anxiety, the fear, like he could snap his fingers and magic them out of existence.

The aftermath of that damn stone still hangs heavy around his neck.

“Can I help you?” a petite saleswoman asks when Max comes to a stop in the nylon section. His sudden drop in demeanor from confident to hesitant must have signaled her over. In his eagerness he didn’t even ask his damsel in distress which kind she needed, or her size. He chews his lip in contemplation.

“I’m looking for a pair of nylons for my…” He pauses, no words coming to mind. His unlikely acquaintance? His mystery girl locked in the men’s room? His noble quest? The saleswoman - Karla, her name tag informs him - puts him out of his misery.

“I can help you with that. What kind does she wear? Control top? Thigh highs?”

Max’s mouth dries out. The most he knows of her is the glimpse he got of her feet, sensible black heels, well worn. The sight warmed something in his chest. She must be a hard worker, someone on her feet all day and always up to run an errand for a friend. He bets they ache at the end of a long day. Does she have someone to rub them for her?

“What do…most women wear to an office?” he asks, flitting his eyes over the variety of styles and shades.

“All the professional women I know use thigh highs. Easier in the office than a full set.” Karla directs him to the right section. “What size is she?”

Damn, this is where his lack of foresight fails him. He should have asked, but the intimacy of that question died on his tongue. Why did they size nylons in weight and height, the two most sensitive topics? He’d rather swallow a mouthful of glass than ask. Picking up one of the packets, he flips it to the size chart. There are only four options, which is easier than he expected.

“I can’t remember, better safe than sorry. One of each,” he says, Karla’s well-manicured eyebrows shooting into her hairline.

“And what color?” Karla asks. He noted that at least. 

“Sheer black.”

Karla moves to grab a handful of the basic style, the cheapest on the display, before Max stops her.

“These ones,” he amends, tapping the more expensive set. If she’d already torn one pair, another flimsy set wouldn’t do. It had nothing to do with the fact that the lace edging the expensive ones is more delicate, a prettier pattern, and thinking of giving it to you raises goosebumps on the back of his neck. 

He doesn’t even know you. It’s just…practical.

Karla rings up his purchases without further question, though maybe a little side-smile. She gives Max a brighter one when he takes the bag.

“You’re a good boyfriend,” she comments, scurrying off before he can respond. His face burns hot as he exits the store, checking his watch. The innocuous word - boyfriend - pings in his mind.

It had been some time since Max had run an errand for anyone. A few empty flings followed his divorce but nothing substantial enough to require a trip to the drugstore, or even a coffee shop. It was one of his favorite things about being a husband. He lived for the little memos on his desk blotter - Mrs. Lord needs you to pick up hairspray and milk - and followed them to the letter and beyond. He prided himself in knowing her favorite scents, what brands she preferred, what she turned her nose up at and what feminine products she needed. Sometimes he’d slip in something extra, a bouquet of flowers, a simple card. She’d groan at the expense, especially in the most dire times, but it always ended with her on her tiptoes kissing him, whispering, “My hero,” in his ear. 

He really enjoyed being her hero, even after everything that happened. 

It’s still early enough that his bathroom stowaway won’t be late to her first day. He’ll get to swoop in and save the day, be a hero to one person for a short moment. Jogging back into the office, the clash in humidities making his shirt stick to his back, he returns to the bathroom door. Rapping his pattern on it, he waits for the shick of the lock and a few moments more in case she wants to be back in the stall when he enters. 

Stepping in and locking the door behind him, the open space is still empty, her shoes in her stall. Her toes are pointed towards each other, legs nervously rubbing.

“I, uh, forgot to ask your size,” Max blurts out, cringing immediately at the first thing that comes to mind. He knows she’s holding her breath, so he speeds through the next part. “Those sizing charts are more invasive than a doctor’s visit, so I just got one of everything, and the shop lady said that thigh highs are what everyone’s wearing but I’m not an expert so I hope it’s…okay.” He trails off before stepping further in and sliding the bag under the stall door. He scolds himself not to look further but he does catch a glance at her shapely calves before straightening back up. 

“I can…leave now. Unless you want me to stay until you’re ready to go. What…whatever you want.”

She still hasn’t said anything and it’s heavier than his anxiety on his chest. He’s sure he’s offended her, or completely screwed this one small task up. Leave it to him to take helping a stranger to new, wildly creepy levels. Should he have just gone to reception to ask a woman for help? Is she mortified a man she’s never seen bought her something so intimate? 

He waits in agony.

You try to comprehend what this stranger has handed you. In his absence you practiced thanking him for what you assumed would be the wrong size of pantyhose. You planned how you would reassure him that he could leave so you could escape to the women’s room and struggle into whatever he returned with. 

But instead, he surprises you with a folded bag tucked discreetly under the bathroom stall. 

Four identical pairs of thigh-highs, all matching your outfit, and in every size you could hope for. Pulling out the correct packet, your breath catches in your throat. They’re nicer than you allow yourself to buy, the high-quality nylon silky under your touch. The lace along the edge is finely textured, beautifully designed.

“You didn’t have to do this,” you say, your voice faraway to your own ears, a ball forming in your throat. The man’s feet shuffle against the tile floor. 

“I hope you don’t think I’m being a creep. My ex-wife always said I was good at finding exactly what she needed.”

His voice is tight, and it plucks at your heart.

“Not a creep, you’re definitely my hero today,” you manage to say, rolling down the ruined pantyhose. The other follows, tucking your bare toes into your shoes to protect them from the cold floor. The man paces outside while you stretch each new nylon up your legs. 

“Definitely not how I thought my day would start,” he says, the smile in his voice making your first real one grace your lips. 

“Me neither. I can pay you for these.”

“I could never accept. I’ll return the extras, but please. Consider them a ‘welcome to the office’ gift. Or consolation after the morning you’ve had.”

“Oh, so you work here too? Great, now I’ll have to worry about bumping into you in the other men’s bathrooms.”

“I would gladly approach all bathrooms with caution if I got to run into you in one again.”

A softer pause than before.

“Would you like me to leave?”

Smoothing the lace band around your plush thigh, you let your fingertips trace the edge. Briefly, you imagine fingers other than your own following the same path before hooking underneath to slide them down inch by inch, replaced by soft lips. 

“I’d like to thank my savior face to face,” you tease, smoothing your skirt and toeing your shoes back on. You dab some toilet paper under your eyes, pat your hair, and take a deep breath before exiting the bathroom stall.

The stall door slams shut as the man who saved your day turns to face you. His eyes light on your face first, open curiosity melting into a charming smile that is…familiar. In fact, a lot of him is familiar. His wide shoulders, suit jacket stretching against them. The sweep of his blond hair, not as light as it used to be but still caramel with burnt sugar strands. His large hands, no longer sporting a Rolex or an ostentatious pinky ring. And his face, one of the most recognizable in recent years, wearing an expression you’ve never seen. If you weren’t so dumbstruck you’d think it was appreciation. It was the look someone might give before calling you beautiful. 

“Max Lorenzano…”

“Max Lord.”

His introduction trips over your recognition, dazed expression sharpening and shattering under those two words. The hope in his eyes dims as he schools his expression into acceptance, honey-golden aura swapped for the cool light of cold winter mornings.

“I’ll go. My apologies,” he says, simple, direct. You’re sure this has happened to him many times, possibly followed by shouts or sneers. Your own words stick in your throat as he claps his hands together and moves to leave. Thankfully your hands are fast enough, wrapping around his arm and pulling him to a stop.

“No, please, wait,” you finally manage, your bodies so close you’re burned by the heat radiating off his jacket. He turns in your grip, which you release to clasp your hands in front of your stomach. 

“I didn’t mean…you startled me, I never expected…” you start, rolling your next words around in your mouth. He watches you, half wary, half hopeful. This close you can see how the edges of his lips are slightly chewed, how close his shave is, the sheen of sweat along his neck. He must have ran to get back here so quickly. Your heart thumps weakly against your ribs.

“I never thought I’d ever come face to face with the person who granted my wish,” you say, watching his jaw tighten in anticipation of vitriol. 

“When I saw you on TV, and you asked me what my one desire was, I had…so many things come to mind. To be prettier, thinner, beautiful.” You can tell he wants to say something but you barrel on before you lose your nerve. “But I’m not a complete idiot, I’ve seen a few movies about wishes. I know those things can blow up in your face, and I don’t think I could take being hurt about how I looked by some magic rock.” 

Max’s hand cups your elbow, thumb rubbing a soothing path.

“So I closed my eyes and I wished exactly this: I want one more day with my best friend at the time in her life when she was happiest.” The next breath you take in shakes. “She died seven years ago. Breast cancer. I miss her every day, and I just wanted one more with her. And I got my wish. And it was the best fucking day. The world outside might have been a mess, but we watched our favorite movies, snuck out to the spots we loved before she got sick, ate our favorite foods and talked all night. And I know it was real because she handed me my own ass and made me come to terms with some shit I did not like about myself. Only she would do that.” You fight against the tears, a sniffle coming out instead, as Max watches you with blossoming wonder. 

“And when it was done she hugged me and told me to kick ass and eat cake and break hearts and I’ve been doing my best ever since.” You let out a watery giggle, Max’s smile warming your cheeks. “I never thought I’d be able to thank the person who gave me my best day, but then, here you are, giving me something I needed again. So, wow, thank you. I…thank you.”

Max clears his throat, his own eyes glassy.

“Can I hug you?” he asks, and you push into his arms without further preamble. He holds you with deep breaths, both of your hearts cracking open and healing pressed together. The overwhelming scent of sweat and spicy deodorant and the warmth of his skin is a balm to your frazzled nerves. His cheek rests against your forehead and when you squeeze him a little tighter he returns it. 

When you part, your reddened eyes and sniffling noses make you both snort out laughs, moving to the sink to freshen up. You powder your face, surprisingly unselfconscious after all that just happened. Max straightens his tie and sweeps back his hair. It looks soft, barely styled. His shoulders seem lighter.

Both presentable, he lets you into the hallway, hazarding a peek to prevent any scandal. You walk side by side as he asks you where you’re starting work - transcription - and you ask where you’ll be able to find him - the mailroom. He waits for you to sign in with the front desk before leading you to the elevators, not so surreptitiously angling for the empty one before leading you in. He’s meant to be going down a floor, but rides with you up to the sixth.

“I’m glad you made that wish,” he says once the doors shut, the elevator whirring to life under your feet. “And that you didn’t make the other ones. You’re already beautiful.” He says the last three words quietly, like they would spook you if he said them with his whole chest. Your cheeks burn, the smile dimpling them. “And…thank you. For telling me. No one’s ever told me they’ve been happy.”

You ride in silence until just before your floor, turning to look at the man who gave you so much. He’s watching you like a miracle, like he wants to wrap you in his arms again, like he wants to say something very stupid to a person he barely knows. He swallows it instead, but you can’t help yourself. You lift up on your tiptoes and press a kiss to his cheek, and savor the way he leans into it.

“My hero,” you whisper, stepping out to let the doors close between you.

Your lips, and your words, linger on him for days. Your impressions lingers on his heart for longer. After a week he tries to forget, to push you to the background in a futile attempt at self-preservation. You don’t know him, and he doesn’t know you. Fate smashed you together but you should part just as quickly, save you both the heartache. He’s still a complicated man, and you deserve better than that.

It works until he gets a piece of mail for you, two weeks later, and possessed by some boldness he’s forgotten he has, he plasters a sticky note on it.

“I hope your first week has been better than your first day.”

He wants to write so much more, but knowing anyone could see it stops his hand. 

He doesn’t expect a response, at least not right away. You might still be embarrassed. So when he’s closing up at the end of the day and you come up beside him, the shock on his face breaks you into laughter. 

“My week has been nowhere near as good as my first day,” you finally say. “But I did find a good place to eat a few blocks away. Great dinner options.” Max’s heart pulls between stopping and beating uncontrollably in his chest until he finally says, “We better check it out then.”

The laughter is just as easy as the first day, the conversation even better. He refuses to let you leave without trying the milkshakes, and beams when he watches something heavy fall off your shoulders as you look at him. 

You tell him more about your life, your friend that brought you both together more than she’d ever imagined. He tells you about the life he lives now, of Alistair and how proud he is of him. Questions and anecdotes and words both loud and soft wrap around you in the wooden booth. It’s the first time in a long time that he’s felt like Maxwell Lorenzano.

When he walks you to your subway stop Max’s hand falls to your lower back and remains. The soft way you look at him makes him think that maybe all his heroics have finally gotten him somewhere after all.

And next time he finds himself in a bathroom with you, it’s very much on purpose.

END

I didn't want to spoil the turn, but yeah that's the face he gives her and it makes me emotional just looking at it.

[html-nae]

F I X I T

42!Miles x fem!OC

WC: 647

Aaron glanced at his nephew entering the garage. He turned his head away from Miles trying to hold in a laugh that was about to escape.

“What’s so funny Unc?”

Miles asked, as he shrugged off the jacket that was around his shoulders. Aaron shook his head while his hand came up to his mouth to muffle whatever noises were escaping. Miles looked at his uncle in annoyance and huffed, not finding what was so funny.

“I think you should take a look in the mirror, nephew.”

Aaron finally said with a chuckle. He crossed his arms and leaned against the desk that held the next project for Miles’ suit. The latter rolled his eyes and trudge to the mirror that was hanging on the wall.

“What the hell?”

Instead of the normal intimidating Prowler mask, what looked like a smiley face was in its place. Aaron busted out laughing, his shoulders shaking and his cackle echoing throughout the spacious place. Miles shot a look at his uncle before taking off the set and chucking it into a bag.

He walked out the garage muttering curses under his breath with the sounds of his uncle’s laughter following him.

“Fix it.”

Miles demanded. He dropped the bag onto Alani’s desk and crossed his arms. He was tired and annoyed. His eyes were sunken in more than normal and his braids were fuzzy. Alani almost felt bad for doing what she did, until she thought about it and cracked a smile. The image of him running around jumping from rooftop to rooftop with a smiley face on the mask contrasting with his dark outfit made her happy.

“I don’t know what youre talking about Miles.”

She said while laying down on her bed. Her braids laid out behind her, framing her face. Alani’s glasses fell down the bridge of her nose and she rolled over on her stomach and grabbed a book that was on her bedside table.

“Can you please fix my mask?”

He huffed with defeat. Alani smiled and closed her book.

“Can you please pay more attention to me and not disregard me like you’ve been doing?”

Miles dropped his head, embarrassed that he wasn’t spending much time with his girlfriend, he had a classic awkward Miles smile on his face when he looked up and nodded quietly.

“Then yes, I’ll fix your mask.”

Alani grabbed the mask out of the bag and a cable that was connected to her laptop. Miles watched as she typed and deleted codes with the light from the laptop highlighting her face. The glasses framed her face nicely and he could see the shadow from her lashes.

“You’re so pretty.”

She stopped typing and looked at Miles with a smile.

“Thank you Miles.”

And with that she unplugged his mask and placed it back inside the bag that held the rest of his belongings.

“No, thank you. I’ll see you later. I gotta go help Uncle Aaron with some stuff, but I promise i’ll be back before you go to sleep.”

Alani nodded and watched as he left out the window and ran in the direction of his Uncle’s garage.

“He’s about to hate me.”

She said to herself while locking her window and making sure her doors were locked just in case he came back.

“Aye nephew.”

Aaron called while turning around. His face dropped before the corners of his face lifted up with a smile. Once again, his mask was changed.

Not back to normal though, but to a different face.

The new face that branded the Prowler mask was a winking face.

“Yeah, wassup Unc?”

Aaron shook his head, dismissing Miles to go onto his next mission. He grabbed his phone and texted his nephew’s girlfriend a quick

Well done.

With a laughing emoji following it before shutting off his phone and continuing on with his work.

[elucienweekofficial]

Elucien Fanfic Crossword Answer Key- Smut Day One

How did you do? It's our hope through this week of puzzles that folks are able to find an existing fanfiction that speaks to them! Consider these a small masterlist filled with recommendations from the community itself. Below you'll find every fanfiction recommended attached to the author who created it, added in the order they were submitted! Fics were also categorized to their best of our ability. Check them out below!

[Please check all tags before engaging!]

You Look Like Bad News by @the-lonelybarricade

I gotta have you, I gotta have you - Elain hated living next to Lucien Vanserra. Almost as much as she hated the girl he was fucking.

When You Move, I'm Moved by @ataraxiasflame

When Elain Archeron flees Nesta and Cassian's Mating Ceremony for a moment alone after an emotional experience, her mate follows her out of concern for what he feels through their bond, resulting in an evening neither had planned, but both had been wanting for ages.

I've been lost to you, sunlight (flew like a moth to you, sunlight) by @whatishowedyouinthedark

In all of her dreams, there is sunlight. That is the one constant in every single one Elain remembers after waking. And if there is no sunlight, she can still feel it beating against her skin in time with the heartbeat that has become a steady, comforting song in her mind. Sometimes it feels as if, when she dreams, she has woken from the sadness that is her reality into what should be her life.

-

or, the elucien breeding kink one :)

What We Wanted by @valamerys

Lucien’s first Fire Night as High Lord of the Spring Court puts he and Elain’s fledgling relationship in an awkward position.

The Fires Of Eventide by @animezinglife

A quiet evening. A secluded cottage in Spring.

Beasts Inside Us by @crazy-ache

“If you so much as spill a drop of her blood, I will gladly show you just what kind of beast I am. And you will find, once I’ve ripped your throat out with my bare hands, and burnt this manor and everyone inside to ash and bone, that I am something far, far worse than just a beast.”

While staying in the mortal lands with the Band of Exiles, Elain Archeron stumbles across a familiar face from her past. Only Graysen wants revenge. Her only hope is that her mate, Lucien Vanserra, can save her—in more ways than one.

About Damn Time by @strawbrerian-writes

Elain planned to have a quiet, cool day off. The universe took one look at her plans and said "bet."

They Say I Did Something Bad by @separatist-apologist

Then why's it feel so good?

Elain Archeron's fiance is a total stranger to her, though his family's reputation for cruelty and avarice is not. Dreading a lifetime with a cruel, cold man, Elain decides to have one last night of freedom. Attending an infamous masquerade ball, Elain meets a stranger who offers to show her pleasure beyond her wildest dreams. It's just one night of debauchery. What could possibly go wrong?

Oh, Lord Save Me by @separatist-apologist

“How come I never see you at confession?” he pressed. Elain almost screamed.

Lucien never saw her at confession because the phrase "forgive me father, for I have sinned," was the start of every filthy fantasy she’d ever had about him.

I'm Going Out Tonight by @separatist-apologist

He rolled his neck and Elain paused, drinking him in. Even with his red hair plastered to his face, sweat soaking through his thin band t-shirt, Lucien Vanserra was the hottest man she’d ever seen.

And bass players were so her type.

“What did you say?”

He grinned, resting a broad hand over his muscular chest. “I asked if you had a man.”

Her mind flashed an image of Graysen. Too busy with work and the woman he was sleeping with on the side. She was there to pretend she didn’t know about that, wasn’t she? Did Graysen ever answer that question honestly, besides?

Holding up her drink, Elain ran her tongue suggestively over the straw. Lucien’s smile sharpened, those russet eyes darkening with obvious want.

“I don’t remember.”

Sharp as Glass and Twice as Bright by @valamerys

When he speaks again, it’s a low rumble in his chest. “If you keep doing that, dove, neither of us is going to get any sleep.”

Heat coils in Elain’s stomach. “I’m not tired.”

[Elucien + classic THERE IS ONLY ONE BED WHAT DO.] [yes i just did one for each of my ships dont look at me im a monster]

End Game by @separatist-apologist

Lucien Vanserra has been in love with Elain Archeron for as long as he's known her. With time ticking down before her inevitable engagement to Graysen, Lucien only has one goal: convince her to be his

But Only If You Dare by @kingofsummer93

It all started innocently enough. A silly game, a drunken dare.

Except now Elain can't sleep.

And it's all because of him.

I'm Damned If I Do by @separatist-apologist

“Get it off your chest,” he told her dismissively, returning to his work.

Let her scream and yell. It would change nothing given Rhysand and Feyre were doing this purposefully to push them together. Had Elain guessed that, too? Had she decided he was the safer person to vent her rage into?

She strode into his office and, like a petulant brat, swept everything off his desk. Lucien glared, irritated with the mess she’d made—she’d inadvertently shattered a rather nice crystal vase he’d gotten from Dawn, wrecking the little blue plant within in her recklessness.

“By all means, get it off my desk as well,” he told her dryly. Her chest heaved in the pretty silver dress she wore, pressing her breasts up against the neckline. Lucien had to look at his hands to stop looking at her body, though she was closer than she'd ever been

Our Hearts Still Beat The Same by @zenkindoflove

"She stood on the bridge for a few minutes, hoping that the rain might wash away the seething anger and bottomless anguish that crackled under her skin. More, more, more, repeated again and again to a steady beat. His heart beat."

Elucien, Two-shot, Post-ACOSF. Part One is Cozy Tension. Part Two is all smut.

Can read this fic independent of the series. They are separate stories but connected by song inspirations.

Both Forever and Rather Die by @foundress0fnothing

Elain runs a sex cult. She’s looking for something new. Lucien is new.

save the date by @thelovelymadone

Elain Archeron has had a perfect life.

Prettiest girl in her grade, first sibling to be engaged and living thousands of miles away from home. But then, her then fiancé cheats on her at their engagement party after she cajoled her entire family to come thousand of miles for her engagement.

Now, after four years, she’s going to be brave. She’s going to go to her eldest sister’s wedding as the maid of honor and bring … a paid actor to be her boyfriend.

Despite the lingering trauma of her ex-boyfriend posting her phone number on Internet forums and refusal to share how her childhood crush broke her confidence at her engagement party—what could possibly go wrong?

Call Me Selfish, Call Me Wrecked by @crazy-ache

Like countless times before, they’re dangling Elain in front of him without a mention of her name. And for once, Lucien decides to selfishly take it. “I’ll marry her,” he pretends to investigate his nails, even if his heart is about to burst from his chest. “But only if she agrees to it as well. That’s my only condition.”

Elain agrees. Lucien learns the consequences of not shutting up.

A Dance In Winter by @animezinglife

While visiting the Winter Court leading up to Solstice, Elain and Lucien find some time alone.

talk refined by @temperedink

Newly mated Elain has pretty much adjusted to being fae after all this time. What she’s still hung up on? Being able to express things in the bedroom. Luckily, Lucien is totally willing to let her try that out on him.

[chiquititaosita]

Monster Trio + Shanks, Ace, Doing the Quebradora with Latina s/o

Hiii so this one omfg I had so much fun writing this one and I love putting my culture into this because it’ll be nice to see representation for once. Even though y/n is your name there’s not that much we know about y/n. Like WHAT ARE THEY. What’s their way of life. Yk? anyways context so quebradora is a dance usually with two people in Mexico. It’s a popular dance at bailes (dance parties) rodeos, and quinceañeras. Lots of people usually sway, it’s usually common for a girl to be picked up and swung around heres videos for references. 😭😭

Luffy

- I am sorry but luffy at first will throw you like a rag doll in reference to this video

- “ am I doing this right?!” he’s just gonna be throwing you around.

- he has two left feet for dancing. I’m serious.

-teaching him was the worst.

- when he thinks he’s got it, he’s gonna make you dislocate your hip.

-THE FACT HE USES HIS DEVIL FRUIT FOR HIS HIPS TO ONLY MOVE 💀

- “ go!!! Y/n- Chan!!!” Chopper was just cheering on zoros head

- when it came to the bailes for the island y’all landed at. He knew you seemed off when coming to the bailes with him.

- sanji, robin and nami had to catch him up. “Luffy you didn’t pay attention with y/n! When she taught you FOR THE PAST TWO WEEKS!?”

-“SO THATS WHY SHE WAS TEACHING ME THAT DANCE!?” Luffy forgot literally and felt so bad. He didn’t like seeing you sad like at all. It hurt his heart.

- “It’s in the hips luffy. You gotta do this not whatever that was that” Sanji had just corrected him after he took a puff out of his cigarette.

- he watched you trying to teach luffy on the thousand sunny he couldn’t help but laugh the whole time, but hype you up more.

“Ohhh… yeah I screwed up. Imma go make it up to her.” He ran to go find you, he found you talking to your Tia. She hugged you so tightly, after you guys catching up. you let her go and told her you’ll be back

- “y/n dance with me!!!” He grabbed your hand while laughing

-“ you serious?”

-“ yeah the songs about to start. Let’s go. I wanted to show you that I paid attention!” He flashed that gummy smile you always loved you just said fuck it let’s just have fun. Because you knew in the end luffy wouldn’t leave you.

- when y’all danced bro. He actually did it!- if that makes sense. He had to put his own twist to it.

- “luffy! LUFFY! PUT ME DOWN IM GONNA FALL!”

-“ what?! Pick you up! Don’t have to tell me twice!” This was a reminder for you teach him more dances after that. start off with cumbias or merengue. No but he didn’t. He did it the way you wanted it to happen.

- He carried you and span you around, of course y’all did a bit of hopping which was cute. In the end y’all had fun.

- the night ended with you and luffy dancing the night away as he peppered you with kisses

Zoro

https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZTRCxH6x5/

-now if there’s anything zoro doesn’t do. It’s dancing.

- he hates it.

-not when it’s with you he’s used to dancing with you alone in y’all’s shared quarters or on the ship

-he hates dancing in public bc it’ll ruin his “pirate hunter Image.”

-“I’m not dancing.”

-“fine I’ll just ask sanji, he’ll always say yes to me anyway.”

-“I’m gonna dance with Y/n-San?!!!” he just melted as you grabbed him to the dance floor at the baile.

- you knew how to push zoros buttons

- just as the song was about to start he grabbed your hand

-“never do that again.” He whispered into your ear while kissing the top of your head.

- seeing you smile is the only thing that matters. well besides being a pirate hunter lmao.

- when you jumped into his arms as he held you in that side to side bridal style move.

- he wanted to flip you which he did.

-“bet that curly couldn’t do that.” You giggled and kissed his cheek

- he’s now your forever dance partner. because he’s a jealous now he can say he’ll only dance with you.

“ too slow curly brows kyahaha!”this was his petty moment that he even told you some spicy things in your ear

- “Keep grinding on my knee like that, you’ll be screaming my name tonight…”

--y’all danced like the very first video. He was just trying to keep himself composed.

- you indeed couldn’t walk the next day.

-“this will be the last time you ever ask me to dance again.” he lied.

Sanji

when I decided to write about with him he’d just get all flustered it goes in two ways

- If he’s simpy he’s going to be just speaking utter nonsense or he’ll actually be shocked than process and than be his stupid self we all love

- “y-You want to dance! with me!” his eyes went into sparkles and almost passed out

- “come on I’ll teach you.”

-“you move your hips and relax, it’s gonna be like this. Is that okay?”

-he blushed furiously, “y-yeah that’s f-fine.” he looked away as wiped his bloody nose kissing his lips.

-“Y/n Chwan you’re so good at this!”

-“it’s just a dance I know.” You snorted

- when it came to the bailes, mans wanted to show you off. In which he does succeed

-the only time y’all did it successfully was the when the ship was swaying, or a tropical island.

-“you ready my darling?” he whispered and you nodded eagerly walking away from him.

- when you ran into his arms omg it felt like the whole world was just paused and only you two kept dancing.

- when he picked you up in that bridal style motion. You both touched foreheads and kissed only for a moment.

- “not bad for a cook!” you giggled as you pressed his chest against his.

-“only for you my princess.” He kissed the top of your head.

- “The way you move is sending me into heaven.” He gasps for sure, sighs in awe.

“I have been blessed by the gods!” you almost think he’s drunk when he’s saying this stuff

-“We should get married and have many babies together 😭😩💗” it’s cause of that hip thing that’s why.

- now you know why he loves that move. so whenever you dance with sanji you can tease him.

- “do you want to take a break now?”

- “ why is everyone looking at us?” Insert Confused pikachu face

-“ it’s because of your beauty and moves my sweet.” He flashed a grin against your lips. Kissing you once more.

-even if you have a fashion malfunction while dancing quebradradita.

- Sanji will I MEAN HE WILL COME THROUGH TO THE RESCUE like oh your dress ripped here. Wear my jacket.

-man can improvise and of course show you off

Shanks

- mans is a pro.

-surprisingly it was his idea and not yours 😭

- “imma throw you now!”

- “WHAT!?” your eyes widened

-“ HAHA im kidding, but imma gonna drop us down!”

-“ shanks your legs may not work the way they used to!”

-“oh really! Are you saying that I can’t do this!?”he squats down as y’all are dancing. Not gonna lie him proving himself wrong is hot as hell.

- he’s gonna show you off and than you’re gonna be light on your feet.

-“ PUT ME DOWN SHANKS SHANKS IM GONNA FALL!!!”

-“do you trust me?!”

-“No!”

-“good!” He just flips you as you scream in shock because it was out of nowhere. when you asked him to put you down nicely. you just had fun. Literally you heard his crew cheering you both

-“woah. You alright there sugar cakes?”

-you just groaned and rolled your eyes at him, as he picked you up bridal style.

-“guess that’s a no… sorry about that I got carried away.” He snorted, and kissed your temple

-“since you do so much for me I’ll take care of you tonight.”

- never have him do the quebradora. like that. Again. thank you but that’s a lie you can’t say no to him.

Ace

- imma be honest. Ace can’t dance to save his life as pirate on whitebeards crew 😭

- unlike sabo and luffy. HES GOT TWO RIGHT FEET 😭

- sabo can dance better it’s just observation according to sabo.

- “babe can I just spin you around if that counts?”

-“I don’t want to drop you.”

-“OW!”

-“ IM SORRY Y/N!” He felt guilty, and when he saw you laugh and fall on your ass he couldn’t help but laugh too

-“I love you so much.”

-“dude I’m gonna cream my pants if you keep riding my thigh like that!!”

-“why are you poking my boobs 😭”

- “And dip! Ooh now chips and queso sound good rn😩.”

- but at the end y’all had fun.

- the bailes you had fun at were cool too

- you and aced danced y’all’s little happy feet away

[fakescenariosbeforesleepblog]

Could you pretend you love me? Pt. 2

Soap x Fem Reader

This mission turned into a competition between you and Johnny to see who can pretend better, your little Emma is enjoying too much this false family time.

Warning: Spelling and grammatical errors. Long chapter, but it's romantic, I hope you like it. Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters nor do I claim to own them. I do not own any of the images used nor do I claim to own them.

You went to pick Emma from school, it was a free week, so she would be with you and Johnny. She was so excited, looking through the window all the new places in her new neighborhood.

- Emma, I want you to be a good girl please.

- For sure! Y/n Can we go to the beach and the park later? Oh look! There's a lot of trees! I want to climb too!

- I think so, everything depends on you, if you're good we will visit all those places today.

- Oh yessss! Y/n, is that the house!? Oh look! There he is!!!

Johnny was in the garden of the house, shirtless, you never thought about what he would look like naked, until then, he certainly has a good abdomen, you've seen his arms a thousand times but they looked stronger than ever today, he was watering the plants and grass. As soon as he saw your car, he ran to put his t-shirt, you parked and the little Emma ran out of the car.

- Johnny!!!!

He smiled at her and kneeled, Emma jumped on his arms and both hugged each other, they really looked like Father and daughter.

- Heyyy Emma! You're finally here! Welcome home!!!

You were staring at them, the warm feeling and those strange sensations in your stomach appeared again so you simply decided to look at somewhere else.

- Why didn't you go with y/n to pick me up?

- Well, y/n didn't tell me, she said she would go to the grocery store. But the next time I'll go, I promise. Ok?

- Pinky promise?

- pinky promise

You blushed, you thought he wouldn't like to go, that's why you said that. The three of you were walking to the house when your enemy appeared, he was walking his dog and a little kid was accompanying him.

- hey! Johnny, y/n, wait!!

Soap and you looked at each other, he gave you a short nod.

- Oh hi Jeff, what's up?

- I came to see you, I want to invite you to a pool party this weekend, at my house, take it as a welcoming party, I insist.

- Pool party?.

Emma appeared behind you with a bright smile.

-Oh, so you must be the famous Emma, no?

- Yes sir, nice to meet you.

- Emma, I want you to meet my son, this is Dylan, and the dog is sparky.

«Hi Dylan, I like your dog» «Hi Emma. Do you want to pet it?»

The two children started their own conversation, you were looking at them, mostly to Emma, you never saw her so happy before, since she's under your watch, you've been trying to be there for her, helping and trying to make her happy, and she was, but never like this.

Johnny and Jeff also had their own conversation, so you were just observing interaction, you analyzed, and started to think about what Soap told you In the meeting room the day the mission was announced.

Certainly, Ghost couldn't have a conversation with this man without breaking his bones, Price wouldn't focus with Emma running around the house and well... Maybe Gaz was the other option, but Soap is playing his role so well, you hate to admit but that's the truth.

After a few minutes, your neighbor left and the three of you went inside the house. Emma was fascinated with her new room and technically with the entire house, your apartment is not so fancy as this house.

Johnny and you were planning the next phase of the mission, put trackers, microphones, hidden cameras. You couldn't avoid it, you decided to talk.

- Soap...

- hmm?

- I... I just wanted to say you were right.

- right about what?

- About this, you're doing a great job...

- Ahh, that, well, Thanks y/n, I told you I would make you reconsider your words.

«You could do it better y/n»

Both looked behind, Emma was in the doorframe observing both of you. Soap couldn't resist it, he laughed.

- what? What is it so funny?

- Just... Y/n, Emma just has less than one day and she already notices you don't give a credible actuation.

You scoffed, What? These two think you're not doing a good job?

- What? Are you serious?

- Y/n, I'm a kid and we're easy to fool, and honestly, you don't look very in love with my daddy.

Emma crossed her arms pretending to be offended, Johnny didn't say anything, he was quiet trying to content his laughing.

- Emma, I'm very capable.

Emma simply neglected with the head. Johnny couldn't handle it anymore, he laughed, you punched him, and he continued laughing.

- okay, okay, I'm Sorry Y/n, but Emma is right, you act cold and distant, I know I'm not your type but Could you pretend you love me? You know, lovey dovey?

You were red like a tomato, furious but also embarrassed.

- what do you know about what I like? You will see Soap Mactavish, I'll show you how lovely I can be. You will see too Emma, I'll be the best wife and mom for this family! .

Later you prepared sandwiches and snacks, then you and your family went to the beach, a picnic, volleyball and Emma taking photos with her Instax camera that you gave her a few months ago.

At the park, Emma was playing while Soap and you were sitting on the bench, talking.

- She's amazing.

- Hmm?

- Emma, she's an adorable girl, you're doing a great job.

- I try my best, but yes, she's an amazing daughter.

- Can... Can I ask what happened to her parents?

- A car accident. Emma broke her arm, but her mom... She received all the impact and died instantly. Her father voluntarily gave me Emma's custody, he said he wasn't ready to raise her alone.

- She's better with you. A man who doesn't have the balls to take care of his children, doesn't deserve kids like Emma.

You smiled proudly, observing your little daughter, Soap was watching you, a lock of hair fell and he put it behind your ear, he wouldn't dare to say it loud but he thought you looked beautiful, like a princess, the way your hair fell over your shoulder, your dress and your eyes, everything about you was causing him strong feelings, you interrupted his thoughts.

- So... Mr. Blackwood, is your wife pretending better now?

- Ahh, maybe, I mean... A 10% better.

- Oh really? What do I have to do to make it more credible? Bring you serenade?

- perhaps that could help.

- Alright.

You stood up and started to sing and dance in a silly way, while Emma was taking more photos and Soap was laughing, he really wasn't expecting to see you singing for him.

«I, I'm so in love with you, Whatever you want to do Is all right with me 'Cause you make me feel so brand new, And I want to spend my life with you (...)»

It was a beautiful afternoon, on the way back home the three of you were talking, playing and having fun. It felt real, there was a connection.

Days passed quickly and the pool party day arrived too soon, you and Soap were revising the mission and information that could be useful, also information about your fake marriage, just in case someone asked.

Emma was more than ready to leave, Johnny was too, both were just waiting for you, once you were ready you went downstairs, you were beautiful, you were wearing a light blue dress, your hair in a ponytail, exposing your long neck, very beautiful.

No one said nothing but the way Soap looked at you gave you goosebumps. The party was nice and fancy, you met some neighbors, names that you will investigate later just In case, Johnny was working on putting the trackers and microphones while Emma... Well, Emma was having fun, after all she's just a kid.

The meal time started, everybody was sitting and eating, one of them asked you something you never thought would be important or necessary until now.

«So, John, Y/n, How did you meet?»

- Ah...

- My parents meet in a bar.

Both looked at Emma, she was eating, her view was on her food, she continued talking.

- My daddy tried to invite a drink to my mom but she rejected him. Then tried to invite her to dance but once more, she rejected him. My daddy really wanted to talk with her but she was rejecting him every time. The same night, later, it was karaoke, my daddy was too brave because he's a terrible singer but he said to himself «I need this girl». So he stood up and sang to her, my mom blushed but at the end she finally accepted, my dad always tells me that story, he says my mom looked like an angel that night.

«Awww, your daughter really knows the story of how you meet»

- Yeah, what can I say? I love to tell her about how her mommy stole my heart. She still leaves me breathless.

You blushed and kissed his cheek too close to his lips, you didn't know why you did it but it was late to regret it also you were trying to be a good wife.

«and what was the song you sang for y/n, Johnny?»

- it was... 'are you gonna be my girl', and well... After all, she's my girl.

The conversation continued, all was going well, the mission was going well, In fact, it was going really good, you wondered if you needed to worry or if the enemy was simply too stupid to notice you were acting.

Both of you walked around the house putting all those microphones and cameras, trackers under the cars.

Before leaving you went to the bathroom and asked Johnny to look for Emma, he was looking for her when a woman interrupted his searching.

«Johnny?» «Sophie? Oh god, hi...»

Both were talking when Emma saw him, she felt jealous, Soap is not her real father, but she wouldn't let that woman steal his attention. She hide her shoes and walked barefoot to them.

- Daddy? I can't find my shoes.

Johnny paled and the woman, Sophie, looked at both, she was shocked.

- Is... Are you... Ahh, is she your daughter?

- Ahh... Yes, Sophie, this is Emma, my daughter, Honey, this is my friend Sophie.

- Hi Sophie.

- Hi, oh Johnny When did you marry? Congratulations...

Emma saw the anger in that woman's eyes, but apparently it wasn't enough for her to see Johnny's daughter, Emma ran to look for you.

You went out of the bathroom and Emma was quick to hold your hand taking you where Johnny was.

- Emma where are your shoes? Johnny, I told you to... Oh, sorry.

- Nothing to apologize, Y/n, this is my friend Sophie. Sophie, this is my wife.

You and her observed each other head to toe, you didn't understand why you were feeling jealous, it was a tense moment.

- Nice to meet you, Sophie.

- Same, you're lucky, Johnny is someone very special and charming...

- I know, that's what I like about my husband...

You looked at Soap smiling and kissed his cheek once again.

- Darling, we have to go, Emma is very tired, I'll go to look for her shoes while you say goodbye.

You didn't look at the woman, simply left them there while you were helping Emma, who magically found her shoes before you started to look for them. Once at home, Soap was intrigued by your reaction, he wouldn't sleep until you explained to him what happened there.

Emma was asleep while you were in the kitchen, working, investigating all the guests of the party and observing the cameras.

- Ah... What happened today?

- We went to a pool party and planted cameras and stuff like that.

- ha-ha, you know what I'm trying to say.

- Umm, no, I don't.

- You kissed me almost on the lips, then you... I don't know, you acted jealous when you saw me with Sophie.

- I was merely... Playing my part.

- y/n, that's not... You weren't faking it.

- Why would I be jealous of that girl? You said it a few days ago, you're not my type, I don't have reasons to be jealous of her, and even if you were my type i... I wouldn't be jealous because at the moment you belong to me, you're my husband, and my husband wouldn't look at that pretty girl with long legs, big butt and small waist...

- So, indeed you were jealous.

- SOAP! I'm not! Could you please stop that, we have work to do, ok?

He simply nodded and sat in front of you, both working in silence, the next day Emma went back to the school, both pretending to be okay in front of her but the elephant in the room was getting bigger. Both were talking only for the necessary, one of you needed to do something to fix this but as the two of you have their pride and also a personality hard to handle, it looked impossible.

You were in Emma's room, folding the clean laundry, when Johnny knocked, you didn't say a word, he just put a CD and some photos, in Emma's bed.

- Emma asked me to print some photos of her week with us, she said it is a gift for you.

- And the CD?

- That's mine, take it as my way to apologize, I didn't mean to make you angry. I was just trying to understand what happened that day.

He left the room and you sat on the bed, thinking about it, you were jealous, but why? You still don't know, or... You're still trying to fool yourself.

You saw the photos, Emma really captured the moments together, then, the CD, it has a note written «Songs that remind me of you».

What's going on between you and him?.

[robin374]

Please please please I’m on my knees for a part 3 to ‘get away from me’ 🛐🛐🛐 how would Alastor react moving forward? Would reader leave/run away from the hotel back onto the streets? I need to knowww

𝔊𝔢𝔱 𝔞𝔴𝔞𝔶 𝔣𝔯𝔬𝔪 𝔪𝔢

ℭ𝔥𝔞𝔯𝔞𝔠𝔱𝔢𝔯 : Alastor x Reader, platonic

𝔑𝔬𝔱𝔢𝔰: Hurt no comfort. You have been warned.

Part 1 || Part 2

A loud thud was heard inside the hotel. Alastor was standing in front of the main entrance, still with a smile. His own shadow betrayed him, though, it was frowning almost crying. His pride was broken, his ego had fallen from the tall tower it was in, but he didn't show it not wanting to seem weak. He was not weak. However, his knees felt weak, they were trembling, just like a small fawn in a highway. Should he run after you? Should he stay? For the first time in decades, he didn't know what to do.

Meanwhile, you ran as fast as you could. You wanted to be away from the hotel, away from Alastor. You couldn't even think about the fact that he was your biological father. You turned your head to the side to make sure he wasn´t following you, but you stopped the moment you saw your reflection in a shop window. You looked like that damn coward. Pinkish hair, antlers, pink eyes, greyish skin... Great, now you hated yourself more than before. "Well, well, well... We see each other again, Alastor..." A smooth voice made your fluffly ear twitch. You turned around to look at him with a frown on your face, you were prepared to insult him, punch him and maybe stab him. "Wait, you're not the Radio Demon." You and the flat faced demon stood confused while staring at each other. He was wondering why you looked so much like his archnemesis and you were wondering who the fuck was that walking image box. "Are you casually realted to this man?" He took out his phone and he showed you a glitched photo of the man you hated the most. Your father. You snarled, "I hate him." You stated and his face lit up, literally. "May I know why?" He said as he started to guide you somewhere inside a very modern looking building with three V's on top. As you passed by a window full of TV's and demon's hypnotized by them, he covered up your eyes. You could have sworn that you heard a moan coming from the television. He ignored a british woman yelling at him and guided you to a room with two shark swimming around. "You like 'em?" He asked you with a smile. You looked amazed, but there was no smile in your face. 'She looks like him, but it's like they are not related at all.' He thought. You were trying to get the sharks to poke the spot you were putting your hand on the window. "Interesting..."

Weeks had passed by and you had connected more with Vox than with Alastor. You were always at his side, he showed you how things work with new technlogy and you caught up pretty quick. You managed to get your own phone, with Vox's help. He usually let you swim with his sharks and he helped you escape from Valentino the moment he started offering you a 'job'. Velvette helped you get new and modern clothes. You felt welcomed, it made your broken and betrayed heart feel warm and happy again. "Hey, Venison," Ah, yes, your new nickname. "The boys and I are going to have a meeting downstairs, can you wait on Vox's room?" The modist asked you with a kind smile, she was usually so mean to her employees that it felt like a privilege to be treated so good. You nooded and made your way to Vox's room.

"I like this little girl! She's so cute!" Velvette squealed as soon as she entered the meeting room. "You say that everyday, Velvette." Valentino murmured as he put some glitter on his new pistol. Vox sat down on his seat and offered whiskey to his friends and coworkers. He agreed with Velvette, you were a nice girl, and he had to admit that he saw you like the daughter he always wished he had. That was the main reason of the meeting, he was going to announce to all of Hell that you were his daughter. He discovered that you were related to Alastor after Valentino offered himself to 'politely' ask Angel Dust about you. The pornstar, afraid of his boss, let out everything he knew.

"Oh, Alastor. You're not going to like this..." Charlie said as she looked at her phone. Alastor appeared from the shadows next to her and leaned down a bit to see what was in that small image box. His smile almost broke as soon as he laid eyes on the new you. You still were yourself, that permanent frown never left your face, but you looked as if you had been with the V's since you were born. They had washed your brain, or that's what he thought. You seemed to enjoy their presence. That moment, he decided that, no matter what, he would do anything to get you back.

Time had passed by and Vox's and Alastor's mini fights turned into big fights where most of the time the whole of Hell's electricity system died in an instant.

One day, you were having your usual walk around the district. This time, it felt different, the streets felt chilly instead of the usual warmth and they were as lonely as a flower in winter. As you were approaching the Hazbin Hotel, a blinding light hit your eyes and left you without vision for a moment. Then you started hearing scerams and metal hitting limp things. When you got used again to the light, all you saw was blood. A pool of blood streamed towards your feet, you stepped back not wanting to get your boots filthy. You heard a stereophonic effect near you, which made your blood boil out of rage. You were going to take advantage of the situation to kill the man you always wanted to kill; your own father. You followed the sound, rage filled your brain. You were only thinking about one thing. You hated him, he ruined your life. And now that you were starting to get better, he wouldn't have the opportunity to destroy it again.

A loud rumble made you fall to the ground, you felt strangely cold. Your hands shook, why were they so unstable suddenly? You looked down to see your shaky hands, but you stopped yourself from vomiting. A big, silver and cold sword pierced through your chest stained with your own red blood. You were dying. You felt your ironically inmortal soul slip away from your hands.

"Y/N!" Had you heard right? Was that someone calling your name? But, who would care for a walking body right now? People were slefish, even in times of crisis. You ignored the voice, it was probably your own brain tricking you into something dangerous. You sat on the floor, this time without your book. Then, a man appeared from the shadows, you suddenly had a deja vu. He kneeled in front of you. You heard the radio static again. That man hugged you, he smelled like an old library, it was comforting, it reminded you of the librery where you passed your days when you were alive.

"Why did you abandon me?" You whispered, returning the hug. This was your first and last hug you were receiving. "I was scared," He managed to say after some seconds of doubting. "I was scared to be a bad father." He admitted. You didn't say anything, not because you couldn't think due to the pain burning your chest. But beacause you didn't know how someone could be a good father, you didn't experience it to judge it. "Wasn't I good enough?" You asked, between breaths, maybe they were your last. "You were and are more than enough, Y/N." He put his hands on your cheeks and made you look at him. He was so broken. You had been your entire life wishing to see him broken, beaten and hopeless, however, now that you finally saw him like that. You couldn't help but feel guilty, after all, he always wished the best for you.

"In our next lifetime, I wish for you to give me a second opportunity, my dear daughter." He wishpered as he put his forehead on mine. I smiled, even though I was tired, tired of keeping myself alive. "In our next lifetime."

He hugged me. I wanted to squeeze him, but my hands couldn't respond. Was this how i was going to die? Just like the first time I saw my father? Sitting in the floor waiting for someone to beat up. I had been myh whole life and afterlife looking for my father so I could kill him, and now, here I was dying in his arms. Even in my last seconds alive, life always surprised me with the most unexpected things ever.

[michelleleewise]

Worthy

Pairing: Dark!Thor x female reader

Warnings: self deprecating behavior (not eating properly), poor selfcare, manipulative behavior, power imbalance, mild stalking, anxiety, bullying, self esteem issues, poor self image, mind games, a bit of reverse psychology, If I missed anything please let me know!!

Summary: you decide its best to find another therapist, but Thor has a few more tricks up his sleeve....

A/n- please heed the warnings going forward, were gonna start getting in it....lol. if you want to be tagged let me know. 😁❤️

Part one -- Part two-

You walked to the kitchen rubbing the sleep from your eyes, another restless night proceeding the day, sighing seeing the fridge empty. You walked over, putting on coffee before heading to get dressed. As much as you hated it you had to go to the store. Pulling your hair into a bun you pulled on a shirt and a pair of leggings before slipping your shoes on walking back to the kitchen, Dr Odinson's words echoing in your head "when was the last time you ate?" Looking down at yourself, your clothes practically engulfing you "longer then you think." You said to yourself sighing, knowing your recent diet consisted of caffeine and the occasional candy bar.

You finished your coffee, grabbing your phone you saw another message, sliding it into your pocket deciding not to answer it as you grabbed your keys and headed to your car, locking the door behind you. You found a parking spot close to the doors, walking up grabbing a hand basket you quickly walked inside hoping to get this over with as soon as possible you made your way to the isles you frequented, going through the motions grabbing your go to's before heading to the checkout, the cashier scanning your items as you swiped your card, her fake smile and cheery disposition grating on your nerves as you grabbed you bag and headed outside, glancing back as the doors opened when you ran into something solid.

Feeling a pair of large hands wrap around your arms your head whipped around, your eyes meeting a wall of muscle as they trailed up "ah y/n, it's pleasant seeing you." Dr Odinson's voice boomed as he smiled down at you. "H..hey, w..what are you doing here?" You asked, taking a quick step back as his hands slid off your arms "same as you I'm sure." He laughed, his blue eyes piercing into you. "I've never seen you here before." You said looking around, everyone going about their day "you've probably just never noticed." Thor smiled as you nodded, you did have a habit of keeping to yourself. You looked down fidgeting with your bag hearing your phone going off in your pocket making you stiffen. "Y/n, are you alright?" He asked, concern lacing his tone. "Y...yes, I'm fine." You said, pulling your phone out seeing another text waiting for you.

You quickly shut it off putting it back into your pocket "who was that?" He asked stepping closer "n..no one, it's fine." You said gripping your bag, his eyes on you making you cave "its...it was my ex." You sighed watching his lips purse nodding. "I want you to block him." He said making you furrow your eyebrows "I'm sorry.." you started taking a step back "you need to let go of that part of your life y/n, he is no good for you." He said "I wasn't going to answer." You said defensively "as you said, I am the professional yes?" He asked crossing his arms "Well yes, but.." cutting you off "then you need to do as i ask, block him and do not speak to him again" He said sternly, your fingers tightened around your bag "o...ok" You said quietly. "I am only trying to help you, so let me." He said, his voice softening as you nodded.

"Good girl, now go home and relax and I'll shall see you at our session tomorrow." He smiled, placing a large hand on your shoulder squeezing "o..ok, thank you Doctor Odinson." You said, stepping to the side "I did say to call me Thor." He insisted "right, sorry...T..thor." you said quietly walking around him towards your car, looking back seeing him watching you as he lifted his arm waving. You turned back around, feeling his gaze linger on you as you got in your car quickly pulling out of the lot. You got home, putting away the few groceries you had gotten, taking out the TV dinner you bought putting it in the microwave you stared into the glass, thinking about the interaction at the store. Had you really never noticed him...you thought to yourself hearing the meal ding. You sat at the table, pulling your phone out seeing the messages.

Shaun- look y/n, i dont know why you're making this difficult, we both know I lowered my standards for you, so you need to come to your senses and come home, cause let's be honest you don't have alot of options, especially with the weight you've gained.

You felt your eyes burn reading it, thinking back to the few pounds you had gained before everything went to shit, but living on a diet of fast food it was bound to happen. You felt a tear stream down your cheek pushing your food away, recalling Dr Odinson's words "I want you to block him." You wiped your face, taking a deep breath as you thumb hovered over Shaun's name. Flashes of that night filing your head as you pushed the options, scrolling down you stared at the screen "do as I ask." You heard, closing your eyes you pressed your thumb to the screen before tossing it down.

You rubbed your hands down your face standing up you grabbed your food, tossing it in the bin suddenly losing your appetite. You laid on the couch, decided a nap sounded good, staring up at the ceiling hearing Dr Odinson's voice in your head "I'll take good care of you." Making you shiver. Maybe he was just doing his job, maybe that's what counselors are supposed to do? You thought as you eyes drifted shut, willing the memories away.

ooOOoo

You woke to your phone ringing on your nightstand, peeking an eye open you grabbed it hitting the green button "yes..hello?" You said rubbing your face "morning, this is Doctor Odinson's office confirming your appointment for this afternoon." The lady on the other end said. "Oh...actually i needed to cancel." You said pushing the blankets off sitting up. "Oh ok, would you like to reschedule?" The lady asked. "Um..no, not right now." You said "ok, I'll make a note and let the doctor know, have a good day." She said cheerily "thanks." You said quickly hanging up. You stood up sighing heading to the bathroom, as nice as Dr Odinson seemed, there was something about him that made you uneasy...nervous. so you decided it was best to find a new therapist.

You shuffled to the kitchen, grabbing a cup of coffee sitting at the table scrolling through your phone searching other options for counseling when your phone rang startling you as you dropped it on the table. You looked down not recognizing the number when it stopped, the screen going dark. You reached to pick it up as the screen lit up, the same number flashing across the screen. You debated answering it, wondering if Shaun had gotten a new number but curiosity got the better of you as you touched the green button holding it up to your ear.

"Hello?" You asked fidgeting with your fingers "miss y/n?" You heard, making you freeze "Doctor Odinson?" You asked furrowing your eyebrows "yes, how are you?" He casually asked. "Um, why are you calling me?" You asked looking out the window hearing him sigh "my receptionist told me you canceled, and I was curious as to why." He said matter of factly. "Umm...well..." you started "are you in the habit of sabotaging yourself?" He interrupted "no..I don't think i..." you tried again "y/n, if I may speak frankly, I think after everything your ex put you through you have a hard time trusting anyone." He said as you wordlessly nodded "the decision is entirely yours, but know i only want what's best for you." He said sighing.

"I'll keep your appointment in case you change your mind, but I will understand if I don't see you and wish you the best but please, think about what I said." He said clearing his throat. "O..ok, thank you." You said taking a deep breath "ok....Have a good day y/n." He said as the line clicked ending the call. You sat the phone down on the table staring at it. You knew he was right, you had had trust issues as long as you could remember, but after what Shaun did, trust didnt exist to you anymore. Your thoughts wandered as you sipped your coffee, maybe you should give it a shot....give him the benefit of the doubt, he did seem like he genuinely cared...you thought to yourself sighing deciding to get dressed and give it another chance.

ooOOoo

You walked into the office seeing the lady behind the counter "hi, I'm here for my appointment." You said getting her attention "oh hello, have a seat and they'll be out to get you." She smiled. You turned to sit but the man who came out last time popped out "miss y/n...this way." He said walking ahead of you. You passed the doctors office, walking down a long hall before coming out to a room with a low counter seeing what you assumed were nurses looking at their computer screens when your eyes met deep green ones...the brother...as he stood talking to a nurse holding a large file. You offered a small smile, nodding your head but his face remained neutral as he continued his conversation. "Ok, right through here." The man said opening a door to your left you a walked in seeing gym equipment scattered through the room.

"Ah, y/n." You heard, turning your head seeing Dr odinson walk in smiling, did he ever not. Your eyes took him in, seeing his dark blue button up tight against his large chest, the sleeves rolled up to his elbows, straining under the size of his biceps as your eyes traveled down tracing the veins in his large forearms. You had to admit he was attractive, beautiful even. "H..hey, I decided to give it another chance." You said putting your hands in your pockets. "I am glad to hear it." He said coming to stand in front of you. You looked into his eyes, the blue sparkling under the light through his glasses, a few strands of his blonde hair fell in front of his face, your fingers twitched wanting to sweep it back, the light stubble along his jaw making you want to reach out and touch him.

"I have something I wish to try." He said bringing you back pulling out a piece of red fabric from his pocket "I know trust does not come easy to you." He said walking behind you, you shuddered feeling his chest graze your back as his large arms reached over your shoulder, gently pressing the fabric over your eyes "wait, what.." you started feeling him tie it behind your head blocking out your vision. "I want to prove to you that I only have your best interests at heart." He said, his breath fanning your neck as he leaned in making you skin prickle.

You felt his hands on your shoulders as he gently guided you forward, rubbing small circles into your skin "now, I want you to listen to my voice, let go of your inhibitions." He cooed in your ear, his hands sliding down your arms squeezing your biceps "and...trust me." He whispered as the warmth of his touch left you, making you tilt your head up. "Focus on my voice, nothing else." You heard, moving your head towards his voice "take a step forward." He said as you stood still, hesitating "I know you can do this, relinquish control." He continued. You took a deep breath lifting your arm up you took a small step forward, feeling around with your foot, "very good y/n, another." He said as he contiued to guide you through the room, hoping he wouldn't run you into a piece of equipment when your fingers grazed over soft fabric, feeling muscle flexing underneath as you pressed your hand down.

"Very good y/n." He praised, his fingers grazing your cheek as he lifted the blindfold, your eyes squinting in the light when you realized your hand was pressed to his chest "oh..sorry." you said quickly pulling it back "it's quite alright, I'll never complain about a beautiful woman touching me." He winked making your face heat up. "Now, how did it feel to let go?" He asked watching you "umm...kinda scary actually." You said looking down "understandably, but I want to assure you I will be here for you every step of the way." He said, reaching out rubbing your arm as you nodded.

"Now I do have something I wish to discuss with you before we end our session." He said, placing his arms behind his back slowly walking around you "when I saw you at the store yesterday, you only had a few things in your bag." He said continuing to circle you "y..yes, I don't need much." You said turning your head to look at him "we cannot sustain ourselves with microwave meals y/n." He said sternly coming to stand in front of you "what I would like you to do before our next session is go shopping, buy actual food." He said stepping closer, his cologne surrounding you making you sigh "I want you to take care of yourself." He said smiling again. "I..I'll do my best." You said, his gaze both intimidating and comforting "that is all I ask y/n." He cooed leaning forward. "Come..I'll walk you out." He said waving you ahead of him.

You walked back through the hallway towards the waiting room, reaching for the handle his fingers grazed yours sending a shiver through you "allow me." He smiled down at you, feeling your cheeks heat up you stepped back letting him open the door "now, remember what I said, actual food yes?" He asked "I will." You said pulling your keys out "good girl, take care of yourself and i will see you next week." He said opening the main door for you "ok, and thank you Doctor....Thor." you said seeing his smile widen "Doctor Thor...I like that." He said making you giggle "until next time." He said tilting his head "ok, bye." You said rushing out. You sat in your car thinking about your session. Maybe he did only want to help....maybe you had overreacted....you took a deep breath starting your car feeling better then you had in awhile, you drove home looking forward to your next appointment.

@springdandelixn @mochie85 @chemtrails-club @slytherclaw1227 @irishhappiness @kats72

[decent0distraction]

Solo harmony au - part 3

Just to clarify a few things

- Floyd doesn’t consistently drug Branch. I’ll go into more detail later, but as I hinted at in part 2, the perfect harmony can turn into ultimate chaos.

- Ultimate chaos is an extreme name for it, basically Branch, for now, can release short bursts of energy to effect sound, electricity, and high emotions.

- But just as he cannot heal anyone other than himself, he cannot negatively affect the emotions and actions of others.

- At least, he doesn’t think he can. Right?

- Oh, and their brothers know about the milk. They’ve known since Grandma got eaten.

Okay. Let’s talk about that.

- Branch witnessed it. Just like in canon. John Dory and Bruce got their younger brothers to safety, fell into a hole deep in the ground, and built the bunker from inside out.

- But Branch was different from then on. He couldn’t sing or even talk for months. It was a struggle to get him to eat and when he slept, he’d wake up screaming. Eventually, he got his voice back, but they had to fight with him to get him to sing so the harmony would restore his spirit.

- With Branch beginning to get sick, the brothers knew they were running out of time. They took turns in alternating between watching Branch and searching for something to help.

- they foundPop village, finding the milk. They found the forest, where they found the plants that when crushed and combined into something like the milk, would leave the drinker dazed and sedated to a degree varying on how much they took

- Clay and Bruce were against the idea, John Dory unsure if it was right. But Floyd called them selfish; how dare they actually let morals regarding something so foolish in the face of their little brother sick from starvation and lack of proper sleep get in the way of saving him?

- That got them to agree. John Dory, being the oldest and the strongest, crushed the plants while Clay carefully heated the milk. Bruce insisted they put honey in it; that Branch would be more easily convinced to drink it if it was sweet. Floyd sat with Branch, got him to sit up, and held his hands, speaking him to softly and encouragingly when John Dory and Bruce held him down so Clay could force him to drink the milk down

- Clay couldn’t stand the sound of their baby brother sobbing and screaming that he hated them, so he ran to his room and hid under his bed. Bruce practically clawed his way out of the bunker to vomit onto the sunshine-covered grass. John Dory used the excuse of needing to find and comfort Clay as an excuse to be anywhere else. But Floyd forced himself to stay, to hug Branch with his little arms restrained as his sides so he wouldn’t hurt himself. Floyd stayed that way for as long as it took for the milk to take effect, which was only a couple minutes, held back by Branch’s adrenaline. He then spoon fed the youngest, got him ready for bed, and got him to sleep. Then Floyd stayed at Branch’s bedside until morning.

- Floyd told himself it was necessary to stay. It can be my punishment, he decided. My punishment for forcing Branch like this.

- What other way could have possibly been better, he taunted himself.

- No, no, you had to do this, he concluded. For Branch’s own good.

- They used the milk for just as long as it took for Branch to start eating willingly and the nightmares let up

- As Branch grew up, the milk stopped being a thing. Or at least, Clay and Bruce didn’t consider it.

- John Dory enforced the milk as a punishment, something that Floyd entirely disagreed with. When Branch would complain about JD’s artistic directions a little too much or would try to fight back against the image the oldest was pushing, John Dory would regrettably take Branch by the arm and drag him to their tent or bunker or even a hotel room, once, which would have pleasant if not for John Dory throwing Branch into his room and giving him two choices:

- Drink the milk yourself

- Or I’ll have to make you

- After Branch drinks the milk willingly, John Dory tells everyone that Baby needs time to rest and prepare for the show, pushing it back by only an hour. Although, the willingness part doesn’t really matter. The lie is usually the same each time.

- And when Branch wakes up and Floyd is there, Branch acts like John Dory was telling the truth, unaware that Floyd knew very well that he wasn’t

- Floyd only ever uses the milk when he feels it is entirely necessary. And when he saw that odd glow when Branch told John Dory off, that scared Floyd. After all, he didn’t want Branch to end up like their mother, did he?

- no. of course not. I mean, their father went insane trying to help her. the last thing Floyd wants is for his brothers or himself to fall down the same rabbit hole their father did-

- Besides, it’s all just to help Branch. Right?

Right?

[a-local-idiots-shitpost]

Wildcard#3 Mephistopheles with an Angel!Mc

this piece belongs to this and has 885 Words and just saying I´m not to confident with the new characters, I feel like this turned into kinda angst?

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

as much a Mephistopheles would love to lie and say he never would have expected to fall in love with somebody that isn´t a Demon would be a lie because as soon as he saw the annoying pile of feathers who is supposed to be the fourth exchange student from the Celestial Realm, he already developed a fondness for them and the longer he knew them the harder he fell for them

the worst of all was not only are they a fellow fan of Horses but they not only ran into his little Brother but also managed to impress him enough for his little Brother to ask him if he knows who they are and he hates the fact that his little Brother already like somebody Mephistopheles is interested in, which makes it even harder for him to act like he isn´t interested in them at all

and every time he sees them be nice towards somebody it get´s somehow even worse but it will never get so bad that he would tell them about his feelings, he won´t because who knows what others would think but them existing just makes it seem like nothing of this would ever matter… but! he won´t let such silly thoughts ruin his image a Demon of his social standing getting together with a Fallen Angel would be bad enough but an Angel? he doesn´t even want to imagine what it could mean for him and his family if anything were to happen and somebody would find out

and speak of the Angel and they shall appear, they waltzed into the Classroom with no care in the world they don´t even care they are to late for their project

he doesn´t know why but Diavolo asked Mephistopheles to stay after class and to meet Mc here because they need in Alchemy and were to shy to ask him personally and of course they would be! he is one of the best in his class after all and everybody should be happy to receive his help

“you´re late especially rude because I´m supposed to help you” they looked at him with confusion, don´t tell him they already forgot, this always happened with this ad- he means annoying pile of Fluff

“late for what? Diavolo just said somebody is waiting here to tell me something” he was shocked there is no way Diavolo tricked him? right? Right of course not they just don´t want to admit their shortcomings typical of them “Diavolo told me to help you study Alchemy but if you continue acting stupid you can just fail” they just seemed even more confused “but I´m good with Alchemy I´m literally the best in my grade”

“you must have no Pride at all to keep lying so blatantly to my face” now they are just annoyed at his antics, it´s clearly written in their face and they rummaged around their bag and pulled out a piece of paper and shoved it into his hands “look there it is blood on paper I´m the best in my grade” they looked a bit smug at this but he didn´t notice because what they said was true they were class best but why else would Diavolo ask him to get here into an empty Classroom with somebody he might fan…

Mephistopheles just now noticed that his interested in the Angel must have been a lot more obvious than he would have hoped it might have been is even Diavolo decided to get him together with them

“what´s with the look? You look like you just swallowed and entire lemon?” he couldn´t even hear them because he´s far more worried about who else might have heard

“there is no way anybody else could know, who knows what would happen if it comes out that I a Noble would fall for an Angel, worst of all one who matches me almost perfectly”

“ehm… Mephisto?” he still couldn´t hear them “no no I must be mistaken maybe Diavolo just mixed them up with another student, granted it would be a massive coincidence that it was the Angel he fancies but yes it mu-”

“Meph do you realize you are talking out aloud? because I just heard everything”

…

he feels like dying right now, he spiraled so far that he didn´t even notice that he just said this in front of the last person he would have ever wanted to hear this, they gave him a sympathetic look

“uh I think you have a bunch to unpack right now so I uh should just leave but before I go” they packed him by the shoulders and forced him to look into their eyes “listen I´m not trying to tell you how to life your life but in my honest opinion you should just be honest with yourself and do what you want and not just what is expected of you from others”

they left and he just stood there shocked not alone form embarrassment and the fact they were so close to him but also by what they said, it might take a while but he will keep their worse in mind and next time he blurts out his feelings it will be on purpose and somewhere much better and fitting to something so important

[bisexualamy]

Transition Update #63: 7 years on T & hysto retrospective

Hi everyone!! The title says it all. I wanted to include all of my phallo consults in this as well, but a few items are last-minute up in the air, so I'll write a separate post for the phallo consults omnibus.

As always, please don't reblog or screenshot and repost. Links are fine. Writing transition updates over the years has been really good for me and I always hope someone finds them helpful. But at the same time, the larger public is awful about bottom surgeries and I'd rather not subject myself to that ire.

This post has a general content warning for discussions of sex, genitals, body image and body/gender dysphoria.

7 years on T

I stopped doing annual T updates a while ago, because after the first 2-3 years most of the bodily changes are basically the same bodily changes cis men go through as they age. This year I made a point to celebrate 7 years, because that's an absolutely wild number, and I think it's important to acknowledge my T anniversary when it comes around. Testosterone has fundamentally changed my life. I'm pretty sure I wouldn't be here without it. I'm so grateful to be in a place mentally, physically, financially, and temporally that I can continue to access it.

I started taking Finasteride this year bc my hairline is getting a little thin. This is, again, more a factor of being in my later 20s than anything else. I didn't expect it to affect me as much as it did. It was one of the first times I experienced and male body image issue that had nothing to do with being trans. Normally, I'm so grateful to live as a man that most male body image issues don't affect me. I don't care that I'm short or a little round or I have wider hips. I'm so grateful to pass and live full-time as a man that it doesn't register. This one was different, and I'm not quite sure why, but I'm going to try and not obsess over it.

Off and on the last four years, but seriously the last two years, I started working out and lifting. At first, I mostly ran, especially during the height of the lockdown when it was the only safe way to work out. I love running but I always wanted to be strong and see what my body could do. The past two years I've been working with an online trainer and my strength has really improved!! I'm hitting personal bests in the gym and it's stopped feeling like a tedious chore. I'm actually excited to go now. That's an amazing feeling and I'm always really happy when my friends or family call me strong.

Hysto retrospective

It's been 7 months since my hysto back in January. The recovery for that was longer and more difficult than I expected. Being cooped up in the house and feeling really weak and gross, on top of the bottom dysphoria I kept experiencing having to constantly discuss lots of parts I hate having, was really hard on me. I feel like, over the last two months, I've shaken off a lot of the lingering depression from that. All that being said, I've healed very well, and I'm so happy I got my hysto.

One of the worst, dysphoria-inducing nightmares for me was getting pregnant. It was so bad, it prevented me from seriously dating cis men for years. T is not birth control, and even with protection and respectful partners, the fear and anxiety were just too much for me to handle. I knew that once I got my hysto, I'd probably feel more confident dating men, but I didn't realize the extent to which that would be true.

I've felt way more confident to date around and hook up since I got my hysto. I've gone on more dates with cis gay men than I ever have before, and even though they ultimately fizzled out, I have never had that level of dating confidence in my life. It's so, so gender affirming when cis gay men are attracted to me. I always felt like I lost something, being a bisexual man who was too anxious about being trans to participate in any kind of gay male culture in NYC. This is by far the biggest gift my hysto gave me and I'm so happy for it.

[manicspacejunkie]

L O S T

LOST

when you find something that makes you feel good, it’s near impossible to let go

started when i was young

still growing

still fresh

first time felt like the version of myself i’ve been searching for for years

you chase that feeling , longing for the same high

it wasn’t long before i knew i was trapped , but i didn’t pay attention , the feeling was too amazing

it gave me a personality, made me more open to others, helped me gain friends, lose the fat off my body

everything was better, i couldn’t find a negative in sight

still cant

it was soon normalized, and i felt like a amplified better version of me

i gained a couple friends who enjoyed you as much as me

made me feel less alone

making me think that drugs = community

if i was in possession i would charm those around me, making them like me only because i had something they wanted, they never liked me for who i was

wasn’t too long before everyone slowly started getting tired of it and pushed me away

i couldn’t stop

i was different

id make plans, try to limit my use, nothing worked

even when i ran out of money, that never stopped me

it got to the point of such desperation i started selling images of my body to strangers for a quick buck

i didn’t care who saw, i only cared about when i could shove powder up my nose

the days slowly became darker

partially because i couldn’t bear to be in the sunlight

i also couldn’t bear to look at myself in the mirror , so i covered them all

i hated who i became, but not enough to change

i lost 1/3 of my body weight in the last 8 month bender i went on

i viewed this as a positive, i was never thin enough anyways

soon the drug became all i knew

and all i cared about

i influenced my friends because i didn’t want to keep using alone, they soon left

i stayed in toxic relationships because if they used with me it would be more fun, less of a chore

it got to where i’d be in misery, bleeding nose, throbbing headache, shaky body

and id look at this line, knowing i don’t want to sniff it, and suddenly down i go-

after being sober for sometime life was okay, it was just boring and colorless

lacking the excitement , that ‘it’ factor

i lasted 7 months

longest i’ve been sober since i began using 4 years ago

i am filled with disappointment, only because when/if everyone who has cheered for me finds out

me, an inspiration?

no

i will sniff until i can’t anymore

4 years is a long time to hate yourself

it clicked recently

i’m using as a slow suicide method

i’ll be gone soon

i obviously couldn’t do the job with pills in 2021

it’s just a waiting game and id do anything to fast forward

only regret would be leaving my loved ones behind

but they’d get over it

they’ve probably been expecting it

i just crave dark

the story goes on

eventually i’ll be removed from the plot

[cripplecore]

hi there! call me parker, my pronouns are he/they, it/its and basically any neos, so feel free to try out any you want if you'd like :) (sideways smile)

this is a sideblog for disability talk and activism surrounding it— my main blog is @fear-ze-queer if you want to check that out!

i have:

- pots (postural orthostatic tachycardia syndrome)

- cfs/me (chronic fatigue syndrome)

- hypermobility

- unnamed joint pain, likely related to my other disabilities

- probably more that i'm missing

i am a cane user! its name is ingram :) (sideways smile). i hope to get a rollator in the near future as well.

i have several neurodivergencies and mental illnesses as well; i use tone indicators and i ask that you do the same when talking to me, as i have trouble interpreting tone

i am plural & host of an endogenic system— i don't know how much i'll talk about that here, but i've ran across a lot of anti-endo blogs, so i want to make that known

i'm queer and reclaim most of the slurs that i can use (f slur, t slur, c slur, etc) so if that bothers you, this blog is for you

i tag triggers with "tw ___", feel free to ask me to tag things you need/i may have missed! ask box is always open

i am new to image descriptions, so please be patient with me! i'm doing my best to be as accessible as i can. if anybody has tips on how to do that better, PLEASE let me know!!!

important posts:

disability tools/resources masterpost

PSA on ableism+writing disabled characters

no-prep food tray hack

disney's 'gay days'

list of sign language resources

dni below the cut

dni if: racist, misogynistic, queerphobic (including if you're against aros and aces, enbies, xenogenders, microlabels, contradictory labels, mspec gays/lesbians/etc), against reclaiming slurs, plural/sysphobic including sysmeds/anti-endogenic, ableist towards ANY sort of disability, a terf/swerf/fart or w/e, support jkr/still like HP, a p*do/MAP, against any sort of good faith identities, a dsmp blog (nothing against y'all, but i see it all the time and it's getting annoying), 18+/NSFW blog or anything of the sort (i'm a minor and asexual), conservative/republican, a hateful christian/ christian adjacent, a n*zi/fascist; i may be missing some stuff & will add later