#‘it just felt like his capacity for love matched hers’

[stone-stars]

ep 99 short rest is so much all the time to listen to

[moonstruckme]

Your work has been a great source of joy and relief to me (at last after a day of shitty circumstance i get to thrive in my free time with your witing) and i just want to thank you for that...💗💗💗

But i do also wanna request a jealous reader to james or remus, I'm genuinely curious as to how they'll handle that and what will they do to satiate reader

Thank you, sweetheart! Love you <3

James Potter x fem!reader ♡ 2.1k words

James looks especially sightly today, his brown skin gleaming in the sun and hair stuck slick to his forehead. He’s shirtless, which is always a treat, muscled abdomen sometimes distorted beneath the pool water and sometimes slipping above, inadvertently teasing, and his shoulders look especially strapping with Lily’s pale thighs seated atop them. 

You really like Lily. You’re quite disappointed in yourself, actually, for the hot flash of malice that goes through you when she burrows her manicured fingers in your boyfriend’s hair, laughing about losing her balance. James moves his grip from her knees up to her thighs, promising he’s got her. Something foul and warmish curdles in your gut. 

On the other side of the pool, Sirius and Remus advance like a totem pole with two wildly different faces, one menacing and the other reluctant. They’d asked if you wanted to play chicken, but getting pushed and shoved by Sirius isn’t your idea of a good time. You figured you’d be more content here, sitting on the edge of the pool with your feet kicking idly in the cool water, but now you can see how it does sort of look like a couples activity, Sirius atop Remus’ shoulders and Lily on James’. It’s no secret that James had pined after Lily for years. It was back in their school days, before you met him, but it’s been brought up a few times in a teasing way that’s made it clear to you that everyone knew how he felt about her. You wonder if Lily ever thinks about it. If she’s assured, consciously or not, that she could have him back at any time of her choosing. It’s not something you love to dwell upon. 

The pairs are fairly evenly matched. Sirius fights dirty, splashing water up at Lily and trying to unhook one of her knees from around James’ shoulder, but Remus can’t be bothered to participate and looks like he’d be just as happy to be pushed over and call it done. Lily, meanwhile, isn’t as creative a fighter and is only shoving at Sirius’ shoulders, but James provides a strong base. His fingers dig into the soft flesh of her legs, calling up encouragements and occasionally freeing a hand to pinch upwards at Sirius’ side. Sirius shrieks and swears at this, claiming that it’s against the rules. Eventually, Remus gets tired of supporting his boyfriend’s weight and feigns a fall back into the water. Sirius squawks as he goes down, and Lily and James cheer and high-five before he helps her dismount with far more grace. 

You clap and smile like a good girlfriend. James beams as he swims over to you. Sometimes looking at James’ smile at full capacity is a bit like looking at the sun, and you feel like you need some special glasses to gaze directly at it. This is one of those times. 

He takes your calf in his big hand and leans his cool cheek on your warm knee and makes you feel like the most special girl in the world, and you can’t stop thinking that Lily probably knows this exact feeling. 

You make extra sure to be nice to Lily on your way out later that evening, guilty and vexed with yourself for the way you’ve been thinking about her. James waves a friendly goodbye to the group as you both step outside. 

Instantly, his arm is around your shoulders, pulling you into his warmth. James was prepared for the nighttime chill, pulling a sweatshirt out of his bag as soon as the sun set, whereas you’re in a tank top and shorts that have grown damp from your swimsuit. You lean into him gratefully. 

“Did you have a good time today?” he asks.

“Mhm.” 

“Yeah?” He tilts his head a bit, looking down at your face. “You seemed a bit off.” 

You shrug. You should have expected James would notice. “I guess I just wished I’d participated more.” 

He makes a contemplative humming sound. “You don’t mean that you think people didn’t want you to participate, right? They love you, angel, you know that.” 

“No, I…” You want to say I know, but you’re worried you’ll sound conceited. You never usually second-guess yourself like this around James. You sort of hate it. “I just didn’t realize that if I said no to playing chicken, Lily was going to be your partner instead.” 

He’s quiet for a second. Something in your gut twists uneasily. 

“I thought you liked Lily.” 

“I do.” 

“Are you jealous?” 

“No.” 

You answer without thinking, because whatever you might be feeling right now, you are not a jealous person. You won’t be that kind of girlfriend. The breeze picks up, and goosebumps prickle down your arms, making you shiver.

“Are you cold?” James asks. 

You know he’s going to want to give you his sweatshirt, and you really can’t be taking things from him right now. “I’m alright.” 

“You know you’ve got nothing to worry about with Lily,” he tells you, thumb brushing softly over the skin of your bare shoulder. It should be reassuring, but suddenly you’re thinking about how this same hand looked so comfortable wrapped around Lily’s thigh. You step out from under his arm, crossing your arms as casually as you can against the chill. 

“I’m not worried,” you reply. 

James looks perplexed, and also a little dubious. The thought of him not believing you, even if you are lying, fills you with a burning indignation. 

“I just don’t see why you had to be touching her so much,” you say. “You could’ve looked a bit less eager.” 

He actually laughs at that, but the look on your face stops him quickly. “Sorry, but did you really think I looked eager?” he asks, a little smile still teasing the corners of his lips like you’re a child he has to talk down from a fit. “That’s just part of the game, sweetheart.” 

The way he says it, sweetheart, suddenly feels less affectionate and more like a placation. Condescending. Heat builds behind your eyes, and you realize with horror that you feel like you might actually cry. You’ve never felt so distant from James. Not even when you’d first started dating. 

You pick up your pace, staying ahead to keep him from seeing your face. “You didn’t have to touch her legs so much,” you huff. 

“I was keeping her from falling off!” he laughs, incredulous. 

You roll your eyes. James lengthens his stride to catch up to you. 

“So let me get this straight,” he says. He sounds more serious than before, which you thought you’d wanted but now you’re not so sure. Your heart trembles. “You wanted me to throw the whole game to just avoid touching my friend’s legs?” 

“She wasn’t always your friend,” you remind him. 

“Yes, she was.”

You don’t know how to respond to that. From a factual standpoint, he’s not wrong, but you know that Lily was more than that in James’ head for quite some time. He can’t boil it down to something so simple. 

The silence stretches out between you, ice-thin and just as cold. Then you shiver again, and James sets a hand on your shoulder. It’s only there for a second before he retracts it, as if unsure what he’s allowed. Your heart throbs. 

“You are cold,” he says, and his tone is doting teetering on the brink of accusatory. He grabs the hem of his sweatshirt. “Here, have—”

“I don’t want your sweatshirt,” you say sharply. 

James pauses. “Why not?” 

“I just don’t.” 

“Sweetheart, you’re cold.” 

“So what?” You cross your arms harder, trying to hide your trembling under the guise of general agitation. “That’s not what we’re talking about.” 

“What are we talking about?” he asks you. “How I let Lily sit on my shoulders as part of a game and now I’ll surely leave you for her?” 

Even as a joke, it stings. “Would you?”

“Of course not!” His hands spread out in front of him, helpless. “What do you want me to do? Should I just never be friends with another girl again?” 

“No, it’s not—it’s not that.” Your eyes burn. You’re frustrated with him for intentionally missing the point, and frustrated with yourself for needing his reassurance in the first place. “I just want to know that you’d pick me over her.” 

“I have!”

“You didn’t pick, James.” Your breathing is starting to sound ragged. The words taste acidic in your mouth. “She picked for you.” 

“Angel, that was ages ago.” James softens his voice, likely hearing the tears in yours. “I don’t see her that way anymore. She was right, we wouldn’t have worked together.” 

“But how can you know that?” Your voice breaks just as a harsh shiver goes through you, and you wrap your arms more tightly around yourself. 

“Alright, that’s enough.” You don’t have to turn around to hear that James has stopped walking behind you, his footsteps halting. Reluctantly, you slow in response but don’t turn around, waiting to see what he’s doing. “Come here.” When you don’t move, his voice hardens into a tone you don’t hear often. “Come here.” 

You turn around, more curious than anything, and James has taken his sweatshirt off. He tugs it over your head before you can say anything. 

“James!” you protest, squirming, but his hold is strong. He manages to wrestle one of your arms into a sleeve before he seems to decide that’s good enough and leaves you be. 

“Quit being so stubborn,” he says, still in that same tone. You stop trying to get the sweatshirt off, hands dropping to your sides. James has never been so stern with you before. You don’t quite know how to react. “You’re freezing, and your hair’s still wet. There’s no sense in suffering through it just because you want to have a row.” 

“I don’t want to,” you tell him, but your words sound petulant even to your own ears. 

“Then listen.” He takes your jaw in hand, setting his eyes on yours. “I do not want to be in a relationship with Lily. I thought I did once, but I don’t anymore.” He waits a second, making sure this sinks in, before his voice softens. “I’m going to be friends with girls. That’s just…that’s the way I’ve always been. But I’m with you because I’m happiest with you, and this isn’t going to work if you don’t trust me.” 

You nod, suddenly flooded with self loathing. A tear skids down your face when you blink. “I’m sorry. It’s not about…I do trust you, I promise. I don’t know what’s wrong with me today.” 

“Honey,” James murmurs. The tear lands on his index finger, and his face pinches like it stings. “Listen, if I saw some guy with his hands all over you, I’d—”

“In a bathing suit,” you add tearfully. 

“With his hands all over you in a bathing suit,” he amends, “I’d probably be upset too. But you’ve got to tell me these things, you know? If you’d brought it up at the time, I could’ve told you I don’t feel that way about Lily and maybe you would’ve had a better afternoon.” 

“I didn’t want to be the jealous girlfriend,” you admit. “I really do like Lily, I didn’t mean to accuse either of you of anything.” 

“I think…I think some amount of jealousy has to be normal,” James says, brows bunched pensively even as his finger strokes at your cheek. “We’re each other’s, you know? It’s just letting it get in your head that’s the problem. If you’re thinking I’d pursue someone else while I’m with you, that doesn’t reflect very well on me.” 

You shake your head, leaning away from James’ hand to wipe your nose. “I don’t really. I know you’d be—you’d at least be nice about it. You’d tell me.” 

Pain etches itself into the indent between your boyfriend’s brows. He takes your face between both hands now, looking into your eyes determinedly. “I love you,” he says, bending to press a firm kiss between your brows. “Understand?” 

You wrap your arms around his middle, pushing past his face to tuck your head under his chin. “I love you too.” Your voice is ardent if a bit wobbly, tears that feel more like a reaction to a past fright than anything else still moving sluggishly down your face. “I’m sorry.” 

“It’s forgiven, sweetheart.” James’ big palm comes to rest between your shaking shoulder blades, scrubbing up and down firmly. “Let’s get home, yeah?”

[street-smarts00]

protective!spence x reader where they’re at a bar or something and r gets hit on, and she’s like “oh i’m here with my boyfriend” and the guy’s like “well, i don’t see him” and spencer’s like “turn around” and is just TOWERING over the guy hitting on her like UGHHH do you get my vision??😩

Drabble: Protective Spence

A/N: OMG yes the vision is visioning I love this!!! Sorry I went a little MIA, of course right when I asked for requests I had a busy ass week. But don’t worry ya’ll I have some other requests I can’t wait to get to!

It was finally the weekend which prompted the team to go out for drinks. While everyone else migrated to the makeshift dance floor, you opted to sit at the bar with Spencer.

Your social battery was already at max capacity and while normally you’d like to dance, right now you needed your space. A space you were happy to let Spencer into.

You were finishing your second drink while your boyfriend left to go to the bathroom. Not long after he left, you felt the presence of someone next to you.

“Hey beautiful.”

Turning to your right you saw a man in his late twenties. He invited himself and sat down at the empty seat next to you.

“You havin a good night?” The stranger asked.

“I was until about ten seconds ago,” you replied through a fake smile.

It was evident in his eyes that your answer proved you would be a challenge for him. This only made him more persistent.

“Aw don’t be like that,” he attempted to get on your good side.

“Like what?”

“Like you wanna claw my eyes out,” he said with a smug grin.

He wasn’t wrong. Cocky, arrogant men like him made you want to more than scratch their eyes out.

“Come on, at least let me buy you a new drink first,” he offered, gesturing to your empty glass.

“Listen, I’m sure you’re a blast,” you lied, “but I’m not interested. I have a boyfriend.”

He furrowed his eyebrows and looked seconds away from chuckling. Almost like he couldn’t believe you pulled that excuse.

“You do?” He asked, not fully convinced.

“Yes.”

He glanced around the bar gesturing at the crowd, “Then where is he?”

He leaned closer to you, his breath reeked of alcohol. “Sexy thing like you all alone at this bar while your boyfriend is somewhere else.”

You looked behind the man and tried not to appear too cheeky at the sight behind him. “Oh he’s here with me,” you answered.

He chuckled, “Really? Cause I don’t see him.”

“You sure about that?”

The man’s face paled at the voice behind him. He turned around to see Spencer staring down at him with a cold gaze, he looked pissed- rightfully so. His arms were folded with his sleeves rolled up to his elbows.

“You’re in my seat.”

The stranger's jaw dropped a bit, at a loss for words.

“Ooh- well,” he scrambled out of the seat.

You could see the gears in his head desperately trying to build back his “cool guy” persona and come up with something witty to say. He had nothing.

The stranger walked backwards away from the bar bumping into someone spilling their drink, earning him a shove. He looked back at you with frustration all over his face before storming off.

Suddenly, comforting hands were placed on your hips. You looked up at Spencer with a smile, “my knight in shining armor.”

He matched your smile but quickly his face filled with concern and compassion.

“You okay? He didn’t do anything right?” He spoke softly.

“I promise I’m okay. Just a grade-a jackass,” you reassured him.

“Good,” his smile returned. He leaned down to whisper in your ear, his voice sounded like honey.

“Only I get to call you sexy,” he murmured softly before placing a kiss on your neck.

[0oolookitsme]

Like Gold Dust

Hii everyone! This one is kind of different than most of my fics. There are lots of descriptions and lesser dialogues and she's an angsty one! Lowkey poetic too, I think? I don't know! You tell me! I hope you enjoy reading <3

Verse - Footballer!Harry x Art Director!Y/n (uni era)

Word Count - 3.1k

Warnings - This fic is about Harry dealing with Seasonal Depression and he doesn't deal with it in this fic very healthily. So, if that, in any way, seems like it might be triggering for you or you don't wanna read about it, I totally understand! Close this fic and take care of yourself, I'll see you in the next upload! Sending love <3 (Also, there's miscommunication as well because of course, they are in uni!)

Winter has come knocking the wind out of Harry's lungs, and happiness has begun feeling like gold dust to him -- everybody seems to be chasing after it, but rarely catches it. But while Harry deals with the harshest Winter he's ever had, Y/n seems to have begun hating her favourite season.

Please rb to share! | Masterlist

With her head lowered defeatedly, Y/n slapped on the door with her palm for the fifth time. "Harry," she exhaled a breath that she had held hostage in her lungs so that she wouldn’t miss his reply. "I know you're in there ...let me in, please," her voice went meek towards the end, eyes moistening making her screw them shut, tighly.

She let her head rest on the door, sniffling a few times when she feels the sudden tiredness overtake her senses once again.

Maybe he's asleep, she thinks to herself just to get herself moving. Nodding at her own thought, she fisted the hand that was still pressed against the cold shut door and put it back in the warmth of her coat’s pocket.

This was nothing new. Every morning she'd come to his dorm, knock and knock and knock, and get teary eyed when he wouldn't open up. She'd catch him on the campus sometimes, walking in the same clothes she'd been seeing him in since the past three days, his head low and eyes avoiding any and every gaze.

"Harry!" She'd call after him and run up to match her steps with his. "I went to your dorm; thought you were sleeping but here you are!" Halting in her place she'd exclaim. Then, she'd mumble sadly -- "looking all pretty," running a little because he hadn't stopped with her.

She'd walk with him quietly then, cautiously weaving her fingers through his rough ones. He'd squeeze her hand three times in return and hold on tightly until they'd reach the point where they needed to part ways for their classes.

Truth be told, those little encounters seemed to be the only thin thread she was hanging by. His simple touches, holds, and cold lips pressed against her forehead. It made her believe that he didn’t entirely hate her, that she wasn’t as useless as she felt.

Y/n felt like she was lacking somewhere. That she should be the one he should be talking to in moments like these, that she should be the sole source of comfort he had but it seemed like he kept his distance from her as much as he could. And that made her feel like maybe she wasn’t his favourtie person, after all. 

She knew that it wasn’t the truth in her heart. That Harry did still love her, and found his safe haven in her – the smallest actions he made were assuring …but they weren’t enough to prevent Y/n’s opposing, combatant mind from exceeding its thinking capacity.

Every night she found herself doubting herself – her capacity to love, especially. Was her love not enough for the both of them to sail a little longer? At Least until Spring came and Harry’s sunflower plant became full of life again?

She feared that their relationship was withering away, just like his sunflower, and she was sat in his room on his window sill with the plant in her lap, frantically giving it sunlight and air and water and better soil but it just won’t stop shrinking in size and fading in colour.  

Doing everything she could, still Y/n was always feeling helpless and in despair. It was like she was screaming but Harry wasn’t listening…whether intentionally or not because, from Harry’s point of view, no sound seemed to be coming out of her scream – maybe because he was under water.  

"I'll see you soon," she'd tell him and get up on her tiptoes to hug him close to herself, pressing a kiss on his unshaved cheek. And with that, she'd walk away, her hand a lingering touch until she had walked far enough, and she, yet again, proved to be insufficient and not enough.

Walking against the brittle wind, she caught sight of the on-campus cafe. Walking inside, she looked up at the jingling bells above the door and smiled. She’d been coming here for so many months and yet she looked up at the source of the chime every time she walked in – for coffee, mainly, and for some warm shelter, secretly.

"A medium coffee please," she told the barista, who also happened to be a good friend. The cafe was opened by some of the college students, for the college students. It was nothing fancy but did its job remarkably well.

No one was speaking this early in the morning. Everyone was bundled up in any corner that they could seek, and Y/n looked around in hopes that maybe the footsteps she'd heard inside Harry's dorm weren't actual and that she might catch him cozied up here, instead. Because sometimes they'd bump into each other here or at the library, and that would bring her the peace that she was feeling rarely this Winter – which came as a shock to the system because she didn’t nearly love any season as much as she did Winter.

But alas, it was only a hope after all.

"Can I get a refill, please?" Someone asked, slightly embarrassed as the peeked from behind their laptop screen. Standing in front of Y/n, the barista – Kate – agreed to the request with a warm smile.

-

It was brighter than usual today, Harry had noticed. The sunlight pouring in through his open window laid right on his bed and if he wasn’t already feeling brighter today, which is the reason why he is standing fresh out of his bathroom and rubbing his towel against his head with another one wrapped low on his hips, his mood just felt as if it had bubbled up so high that he couldn’t handle it all by himself.

The flimsy curtains were still drawn in front of his windows, as he quickly changed. Even though he hated dressing up before his skin had fully dried. Unconsciously, he began humming a song and when he realized that while brushing his hair, he felt as if he had caught himself off guard. 

Happiness had begun to feel like it was like gold dust, to Harry. He’d suddenly become very aware of how difficult it was to obtain, how everyone wanted it and it was almost as if it had grown out of his comfort zone. 

He wasn't excited about the winter, not that he ever was. But he was depressed. Harry avoided his own gaze in the mirror then. He hadn’t said anything to himself other than a broken sob in weeks, so to find himself humming a song felt surreal. 

Throwing some things in his backpack, he swung it over his shoulders. He didn’t have anything on his feet, he realized and sprawled on the floor to look under his bed for the socks he was sure he had absentmindedly kicked under there. 

He took a quick sniff at his socks, deciding that he could go with them this last day. With a few grunts he pulled them up on his feet, sitting on the floor of his dorm room and tying his shoelaces. Y/n had gifted him those among some other things for Christmas, and that thought made him smile as he stared at the Nikes on his feet for little.

A few of his bones popped as he got up, making him groan in satisfaction. Checking if he had his phone and headphones on him, he decided to go and quickly check the scenery outside via his window and see for himself if he should carry an umbrella, which didn’t make any sense because it could begin raining cats and dogs any time where he lived.

That was when he caught sight of snow – falling down in flakes, slowly like feathers. His mouth fell open as he pressed his palms against the cold window glass, looking outside like some eager kid with his nose slightly smushing against it. His gaze wandered and he realized that everyhting was covered in white snow, shimmering beautifully as sunlight fell down.

Suddenly in a much bigger hurry, he swung his backpack on one of his shoulders again, and locked the door once he was on the other side of it.

The temperature inside his dorm room was much colder than the temperature outside, Harry realized, just as he does every other day and proceeded to walk down the hallway with his hands in the pockets of his bright pink hoodie. He’d been thinking all morning that maybe this serotonin release was only for one day, but chose not to dwell over that so he could simply live for at least some hours – for as long as the sun was away from the jail-bars, namely clouds.

But then he realized that it had finally begun snowing, and he felt like no one could take his happiness from him; absolutely no one.

He hated this issue that he had. He’s been suffering with seasonal depression since he was fifteen, he’d guess, and he hadn’t had one winter since that made him happy. Except, of course, the last one, in which he finally had the nerve to kiss Y/n under a mistletoe that had been hanging on the wall indentation that separates the dining area from the kitchen in his home.

And she made the Winter sufferable, if not entirely rainbows and sunshine for him. But it only made Harry hate himself worse – the fact that she adored no season as much as she did the snow one, and yet she was sad all the time during the span of this Winter in particular, because of him.

When Winter was approaching, she had strictly told him to come meet her before he’d leave for practice in the mornings, just so that she could hold him for a little before they’d go in for entirely different classes for the day, because she was aware that one of his love languages was physical touch. She didn’t really have a clue about how harsh this Winter was going to be on them, considering it hadn’t ever been so bad in the years she had known him, even as his best friend.

But he hadn’t been following the one rule she’d made; he was unable to.

He tried to stay away from her, when he realized that. Just so that she wouldn’t have to share all of her love and happiness with him to the level that she was left with nothing but his sadness. It wasn’t making him feel good, it hurt worse than the Winter did – staying away from her. But it was for the better, he’d tell himself over and over again as he would roll his lips in his mouth and shut his eyes tightly when she would come knocking on his dorm room morning and night, voice sounding as if she were on the verge of breaking down and begging him to open up so that she could come in and help him, and herself even.

“This is making me very sad, Harry. This – whatever it is that you’re doing, i – it isn’t making me feel anything but … but sad,” she would utter defeatedly outside his dorm, being ignorant about the strangers that might be hearing her. And, Harry would clench his eyes shut if his mind showed him a sight of her bottom lip trembling with fat tears rolling down her flushed cheeks.

What would matter to anyone hearing her, if Harry wasn’t hearing her? She’d think as she’d knock for the last few times, getting louder and louder.

It made Hary question his decisions, if he was doing the ‘right thing’ after all. But still he would gulp down his cry that threatened to escape his aching throat. He cried, and held himself as his body shook and broke down in sobs, because it felt selfish to have her do it when she could be outside building a snowman.   

He was well aware that she was concerned about him, it showed in her actions -- bled through the looks of care she passed him before she had to part from him. And he felt careless, like he wasn’t being responsible and mature enough by simply letting her in but he was. He couldn’t explain as to how or why, but in his head, he knew he was being sensible by not enclosing her in his misery.

Around Y/n he was calmer and more at peace – that was, nowadays, whenever she would catch him sulking on the campus somewhere. Almost all the time he wanted to be coddling her, holding her or being near her -- he knew she’d keep him sane, at the least but still he didn’t go to her. So he managed to comfort himself by the things that reminded him of her.

He felt such geat despair in that moment, when he would be sliding down the wall of his dorm as tears fell one after another from the slits of his eyes. He’d feel resentful of himself, but would still wrap his arms around his weak body and strangle his sobs because the walls were paper thin. He’d rest his head on his knees, back against the cold wall before he’d crawl to the foot of his bed and cry into the mattress as if it were his mum’s or Y/n’s lap. 

The sun had begun its hideaway for multiple days on end, and it got dark way earlier. Although he'd liked to think that he was prepared for the season, for the entirety of the beautiful autumn, he knew he was just baffling to himself. His current state was proof for it.

He felt tired, always. Never sleeping and being irritated at the slightest mistakes made during practice -- whether it was with himself or with his teammates. He had no interest in eating or getting out of his dorm room in the mornings, which was extremely unusual of him. Exams were around the corner and as much as he'd like to say that he was ready to tackle them, it was a lie far far away from the truth.

He wasn't even sure what the syllabus was, if he was being completely honest.

By the end, his throat would be aching because of the stifled wails and the sun would have risen by the time he’d be done collecting himself, and then a headache would follow and his eyes would've dried up because of the night time that he used to study instead of sleeping. 

Swiftly climbing down the flight of stairs to go to y/n's dorm, he felt the same kind of sensation he did when he was going back home for the winter break.

He knocked thrice, gently because he’s sure she's still sleeping or just woken up. There was a rush in his body, the thought of seeing her was making him more and more impatient. He was beginning to feel nervous, almost verging on anxious.

The door opened, and Y/n peeked through the small crack before and her eyes widened at the sight in front of her. He was standing right there, freshly showered and dressed in a fresh pair of clothes. His face was shining and as he smiled down at her, his dimples indented in his shaved cheek and she could smell the strong smell of his shaving cream that lingered around for a while. His lips were stretched so far that the front of his bunny could be seen from the small gap forming in between.

He didn't look much better than he did on the mornings that have passed them by since winter started, but he did seem to be in a better mood. It made her happy that he loved the hot pink hoodie that she bought him as much as she did. He had paired it with some joggers, and the shoes that, again, she had gifted him.

Tears pooled in her eyes in an instant and her nose flared a bit as her mouth swung open in a grin, spurts of laughter falling out as she gazed at him in disbelief. 

She made herself fully visible and opened the door wider. Instead of saying anything, she closed her mouth shut, still smiling at him brightly, and opened her arms for him to lean into her.

"Good morning," he gritted through his teeth as she held him tightly, rubbing her back up and down as she broke down in his arms. Pushing the door shut with his leg.

“Good fucking morning,” she sobbed and hicupped, a crack in her voice indicating that this was the first time she'd spoken since she'd woken up, and that she would’ve begun screaming in victory if only she could stop the stuttering cries rushing out of her.

This was the sole reason she'd begun to dislike mornings less, in the first place -- the love she felt oozed out of her at the sight of Harry. But she hadn’t realized just how off and gloomy she had been this whole time until she broke down at the mere sight of him looking decent. All these mornings that she had to wake up knowing deep in her core her that she wouldn’t see the sun, no matter how much she begged for it to come out had put her in a despair so great that she couldn’t even fathom the feeling of it.

But when she’d woken up this morning to see the land outside covered in white snow, shining as sunlight fell on it filled her with a certain hope to the brim. It almost made her flinch, the way sunlight fell on her face as she laid in her bed, eyes swollen and pillow still wet with the tears she’d cried into it the night before.

"You look exceptionally good this morning," she said while pointedly eyeing him up, wiping off the snot with the sleeve of her hoodie. "All good?"

Harry laughed at that, picking her up and taking her to the unmade bed. It looked like she was in the process of making it because all of her stuffed animals were strewn all over the floor -- and she tends to sleep with them on the days Harry isn't there to take up more space than necessary.

“I would’ve been on my way to buy some flowers for you, had I not seen the snow outside. Got too excited to see you, couldn’t wait,” he spoke softly, like she was still in a fragile state.“Plus, it’s too cold outside and I’d like my golden girl to come with me… For the sunflowers only bloom at the sight of the sun,” he smiled with his eyes crinkling on ends, and dimples shying away from Y/n’s gaze. 

“First of all, we need to talk and second of all – how many times did you reframe this cringy speech, Harry?”

[operationslipperypuppet]

“she was kinda scared of loving bigger than anyone was ever capable of loving her back”

“seeing not just the way he loved her, but the way he loved other people, it just felt like his capacity for love, like, matched hers.”

god. this is so fully why hardshine works so well and why it is something that i can continue being insane about all the time. they both love so loudly and have found exactly the person who is able to match that volume. hardwon needed love and moonshine was there to offer it. so of course he will offer it in return.

[lazyneonrabbitt]

Roses for the ones left behind.

Daryl Dixon x Reader

Daryl gets taken by the Saviors. Reader finds out she's pregnant but things don’t go as they’re supposed to go and Daryl isn’t there to help her through it.

TAGS: pregnancy, childbirth, some angst with a happy ending.

They were gone.

Your group was left there in that clearing with two dead and one taken.

You had to be physically dragged ack to your shared home in Alexandria, no strength left to even fight back and passing out on the way home.

Rosita had taken up the role of your caretaker with you isolating yourself so bad it had everyone worried if they didn’t get Rosita’s timely updates on you.

“She’s still avoiding anything that reminds her of him. Says it’s making her sick.” Rick was already busy enough pleasing Negan and his gang as well as planning how to get his brother back, he didn’t have the mental capacity to also deal with one of his other best trained hunters being out of commission. But he was going to give you time. You and Daryl were practically joined at the hip. In the last two months even quite literally, to everyone’s surprise.

You were worried sick.

Physically sick. Your stomach emptying itself every time you woke up after passing out throughout the day. Your mind feeding you images of your partner being tortured, chained up in a cell every time you closed your eyes. Nightmares haunted you every single night to a point where you didn’t even want to sleep anymore. Rick had tried to talk to you about coming outside, getting some air but the second he saw you sprint to the bathroom to throw up he agreed to leave you alone for a while, leaving a walkie with you in case you needed help with anything.

Meanwhile Rosita kept coming over, Denise too after the third week of you locking yourself away and finally admitting to Rosita on her previous visit that you weren’t just sick due to the stress and worries.

You were barely eating, stuff you used to love now made you puke and you were quickly growing out of your jeans and opting for sweats with stretching waistbands. Your bras started to get really uncomfortable too.

You felt the anxiety kick in as the two women sat across from you, waiting to see your now still hidden bump that had started to show. Your fingers were tightly wrapped around the hem of the oversized flannel you had been living in for the last weeks.

With a deep breath you lifted the fabric layers up to the bottom of your breasts and giving the women a good look.

"My guess would be three, maybe four months." Denise held her finger between two ladies in her medical book and Rosita agreed, although with a confused look on her face. "That's impossible." Your answer was clear as day, no mistakes to be made out of it. "We hadn't slept together before two months ago.." Your hands lowered back to rest in your lap, your gaze down and away from theirs.

Denise wanted a better look and a second opinion so she got you to stand up straight and turned to the side to match the images in her book. Holding it up next to you to compare again.

"Still looks like three to four months, sweetheart. Maybe it's twins." She took a quick look through the pages of her book but didn't find any material to compare to.

The idea of twins was even more horrifying than finding out you were having a baby to begin with. There was no way you were going to be able to raise a baby on your own, let alone two of them.

You let the conversation die down for now. You needed to focus on staying calm and keeping food in your body. Going outside was still out of the question because of the constant stress everyone else was also in due to the Saviors’ unannounced visits and crazy demands.

———

Daryl had managed to escape and get into Hilltop without being discovered and was currently in hiding there with no option to contact the other safe zones. It was good to see Maggie walking around again after how he had last seen her at the lineup before he was taken.

“What d’ya mean we got no contact with the others?” He practically snarled in Jesus’ face, who was quickly shoved aside by Maggie. She snapped back at Daryl like only she could. “Now calm the hell down before you get your ass kicked out of this place.” It came out in a hiss that matched Daryl’s anger and had him back down quickly.

“Ya know we gotta radio Alexandria. Let ‘em know I’m alright.” The idea of you being all alone, not knowing if he was alright or not had his mind howling to a point of his fear showing in the last way he wanted. “If we don’t sit this one out and make even one small wrong move they’ll tear down all the safe zones so all you’re gonna do is hide when we say so.” All their time spent together had taught Maggie how to keep Daryl from completely losing it and keep his animalistic side under control. Although Carol was still the expert on it, she wasn’t here so this had to work or they’d both be in deep shit.

As the sound of vehicles approached Maggie shot into action and shoved Daryl down a flight of stairs into a small basement. “Fake wall. Hide until I come and get you.” She shoved the wall back and left to welcome the unwanted guests.

Daryl was stuck now. Alone in the dark, only a small bit of sunlight peeking through cracks of the wall and door. That growling voice in his head now having all that silence to fill with doubts and worst case scenarios. Daryl knew the voice only speaks in ways to get what it wants, and all it wants is to be with you. All it wants is an amplified version of what Daryl wants and all he wants is to see you. Hear your voice over the radio and tell you he’s alright.

‘She’s probably moved on already. Found comfort in that snobby son of Deanna’s.’ His mind tried to make him let his guard down but he wasn’t gonna let that happen. ‘You know we can easily overpower them, run back to her and make it back without a scratch.’ Fighting against the urges to break out and find you took a lot from him and he hadn’t even heard the cellar door open and the wall pull back until Maggie put a hand on this crouched form and called out his name again to which he jumped up with a snarl, ready to attack until he saw who it was.

“Shit m’sorry.” His apology was quickly accepted and the both of them discussed the best way to keep Daryl occupied until he was able to go back to Alexandria again.

———

You had spent your time with lots of visits from Rosita, Denise and Gabriel sometimes as well with books on motherhood. Sadly none of those books taught you why you looked almost full term at two and a half months. You spent most of your days on the couch with the curtains drawn.

Denise and Rosita still visited you every day to make sure you ate. The Saviors had gotten worse and worse, so your meals had gotten smaller too leaving you extra tired all the time.

You hated this. Every second of it.

The sickness, why you were growing so fast, the loneliness. Daryl not being here with you, not even knowing he's gonna be a father. You not knowing if your child will even have a father..

All you knew was your baby had a steady heartbeat, so that's what you had to focus on. You figured since you looked almost full term you'd better start reading up on how to prepare for the day the baby would show, even if it was still months away. Anything to keep you distracted from the thoughts of dead boyfriends and babies.

More days passed and your surroundings got more and more hectic with preparation for an attack on the Saviors. You were brought a large package of food, care items and a whole barrage of apologies for having to leave you behind like this. A walkie was among the gifted items in case of emergencies. You didn't get along with any of the women staying within the walls and none of them was willing to watch over you. At first they were kind to you, feeling they could have you become one of them like Carol had. But now they only found it selfish to have a child with the threat of the Saviors always on your doorstep and you'd have to sit this one out on your own. They had dropped you like it was nothing.

It also didn't help that Daryl was your partner. They had something against his redneck biker looks and didn't understand his love for the woods and outside world. On top of that they still believe you ruined yourself by being with someone so much older.

The convoy of plated cars left.

You heard them leaving through the gate from your living room and soon the noises all died down and you were alone. Well, not exactly alone. Your little one had been kicking you all morning and left you with no chance of falling back asleep. You thought of your support girls and got up for some breakfast. Waddling through the room while the baby was so active proved to be a challenge, being thrown off balance with every kick whenever you tried to take a step.

With only a plate and cup set down on the counter and a hand on the fridge door you were struck with something that definitely wasn't a kick. You heaved through the spasm and went on with breakfast. You needed some food in your system but your body wasn't having any of it. Another stabbing sensation hit quickly after and you begged whoever listened to let it die down until your people came back.

Clearly, whoever listened wasn't on your side as only what felt like seconds later your water broke.

Dropping down to your knees in pain and clutching your stomach you cried as you felt it contract in your grasp.

Hesitantly you felt between your legs and felt you had no time left to figure out a plan or call for help on your walkie that you had left on your bed last night when you came down to pee. The what you thought was kicking had started then and you had no strength to pull yourself up the stairs again and opted for the couch where you eventually passed out again.

---

"You did what?!" Carol wasn't having any of it. Even with the walkie they left you she couldn't deal with them leaving you alone in Alexandria. "I'm heading back for her. You should be ashamed of yourselves." She took one of the cars with the least armor and took off in the direction of the safe zone.

At the gates she was let inside despite the confusion of the guards and made a beeline to your house which was luckily one of the closest ones.

Inside on the kitchen floor you were fighting through the urge to push out the baby with the limited strength you had. On your knees, grasping at the edge of the counter you growled through every contraction, feeling the baby move further down with every push. You couldn't even reach down to feel how far you were. If you let go with even one hand you'd lose balance and you weren't gonna risk falling over.

With all your might you pushed through the next one for as long as your body let you. The burn becoming almost too much until with a pop and another gush of fluids you felt the head come out.

As you gave yourself a second to breathe you were startled by the front door opening. At the sight of Carol walking through he door you broke down. Tears streaming down your face, snot-nosed, ugly crying sobs took over your entire body as you bawled your eyes out, breathing uneven and still clinging to the counter.

“Oh crap. Sweetheart are you alright?” Carol rushed over to your side and gave you a quick once over, seeing your child halfway out already and suddenly very worried how you’d respond once you saw it.

“Come on, dear. Hold on to me.”she took your hands and hooked them on her shoulders. You barely got time to form an answer as yet another contraction hit and you screamed into Carol’s shoulder as her hands moved down to check on the baby. When you calmed down again she took the opportunity to talk about the issue she spotted as soon as she walked in. “Hey,” she started, taking your chin to lift up your gaze to look at her. “Have you and Daryl ever had a ..serious talk about him before you started sleeping together. In case you ever had kids?” She needed to address this carefully to not scare you too much if you in fact didn’t know. You gave her a confusing look and shook your head before bearing down with no success. You were quickly running out of energy and whined out your concern to your friend. Carol carefully helped you maneuver yourself to sit against the cabinets. “Dear, there’s something you should know..” it had to be now, before your pup was fully out and she’d have to hand it to you without you even knowing the truth. She didn’t want you to— “gah- fuck!” You cried out, this new position wasn’t doing you any better than the previous one as you clamped you hands around your thighs and pushed with every last bit of energy you had. Carol’s overthinking got the best of her and lost the time to talk to you. Her hands moved quickly to help the pup’s shoulders dislodge and slowly pull to get it fully out.

Your body slumped back against the cabinets. Breathing heavy you looked at your friend who was still holding your baby close to the floor, an apologetic look in her eyes as she faced you. “Look, I’m not gonna blame Daryl for not talking to you before, you were clearly not planning to have kids soon but I need you to not freak out. Or hate him or your child, I’m just not sure how to say this without sounding like a crazy person..”

You sighed and raised your hands to hold your child and with a hesitant breath she lifted the pup into view and held her out to you with a soft “I’m sorry”.

Eyes wide you froze for a moment. You stared at the fur covered newborn. A short, stubby snout at the centre of her face and a thin, short tail dangling from her spine. Her legs were bent like an animal’s and her ears twitched at the soft sniffles that left you. At the initial shock you had pulled back your hands but now delicately reached under her to hold her against your chest. You looked at Carol with tears again rolling down your face. “Yeah,” you agreed to her previous statement. “He should have told me this.” Looking down at the large wolf child in your arms you softly stroked her fur. “But she’s his and she’s healthy. That’s all that matters, right?”

Seeing you weren’t going to turn down your pup, Carol sat up and looked around searching for something. “Where’s that walkie Rosita gave you?” She called from the living room.

“Upstairs on the bed. Forgot it last night.” Admitting your mistake made you cringe, but knowing it was all good now made it all good gain.

Carol called over that she was gonna grab it and radio the other end about you and check up on their situation. When she came back she updated you on their success and about Daryl being okay and coming home after they got all their wounded looked after.

———

The low rumble of a motorcycle caught your ear and a smile appeared on your tired face. Getting up was currently out of the question as you were currently occupied with feeding your very hungry pup who’s little murmurs let you know she was enjoying herself.

You wanted with all your might jump up to run into his arms but feeding the little one had priority right now. The two of you hadn’t talked over the walkie and you had no ida if someone had updated him yet on your whole ordeal of these last three months.

Not much longer after the font door opened and Carol walked in, laughing about something. Your pup started squirming in your arms and a second later Daryl rounded the corner into the living room. His gaze immediately landing on the bundle of fur in your arms. Two long strides was all it took for him to be on his knees in front of you, a hand on your cheek and the other reaching for his pup before quickly stopping to look over and silently ask for permission. He hadn’t said a word yet and he didn’t want to assume everything was alright only because you hadn’t immediately cursed him out the second he stepped into the room.

“Go ahead.” It was said so quietly that you barely heard it yourself but you were afraid to speak any louder because you really didn’t want to cry again. The view in front of you was anything you could have ever wished for. Your partner’s hand softly stroking the fur on your daughter who was still resting against your chest. You could feel the love radiating off him, the warmth he’d shared with you ever since you admitted your feelings was now being oh so softly shared with your child as well.

Daryl looked up at you, a tear rolling down his cheek. “Have ya given her a name?” She wasn’t even a day old yet but after sitting with Carol those first hours and just, talking, about all her stories with Daryl before you met the group had you find the perfect name for her.

“I do. Carol told me this story about when she lost hr daughter you brought her a rose to cheer her up.” You looked from him back to the pup who had her little paw wrapped around your finger. “When the Saviors took you, you had unknowingly left me a child. Rose Dixon.” Sharing her name out loud for the first time felt so surreal. You hadn’t even shared it with Carol yet, wanting Daryl to be the first one to hear her name.

Carol had respectfully stayed back a bit and lingered at the entrance to overlook her best friend meeting his child. The smile on her face only grew as you shared the inspiration for your daughter’s name and nodded a silent appreciation your way before making her way into your kitchen to take care of some tasks that were left abandoned because of Rose.

“Yer not scared or mad, with Rose being the way she is.” It wasn’t really a question but more an observation. There wasn’t a single scent on you that indicated fear or anger. All he sensed was love and adoration, and sweat, but what else did he expect after having a pup this big. “I knew something was up when I looked close to full term at two and a half months.” You let out a soft laugh as you played with Rose’s paw. “I’ll admit I was shocked and confused when Carol first handed her to me, but remembering she’s yours was enough reason to love her.”

“Ya mean ‘ours’.” Daryl quickly corrected. “Ya did most of the work and ya did amazing if I gotta believe Carol’s word.” He got up to sit down next to you on the couch to accept Rose into his arms. “She’s beautiful.” A simple statement that he felt was right for this situation but it had your aura quickly drop into something more negative. He looked aside to see your gaze turned down and arms hugging yourself in what looked like shame.

“I’m worried about what the others are gonna say about her.” You admitted the one fear you had since you first saw her. There was no doubt that you and Daryl, Carol, and their whole group would love her without a second thought. But the Alexandrians were the ones that scared you more than anything.

“Bun, can ya look at me for a sec.” The hand not currently supporting your child reached up to turn your gaze towards him. You looked his on the eyes, now glowing bright in their sockets and fangs on display for you to finally see. “She’s ours.” A clawed finger touches your nose softly. “And she’s healthy.” He drags the claw slowly down to your chin and pulls you closer to him, now only an inch or so away from his face. “Tha’s all tha’ matters, right?” With that he presses a soft kiss to your lips.

Your family was all that mattered.

A/N: I keep coming up with new ways to have reader learn about Daryl's werewolf secret and this one was the most stressfull one. Should I do more?

Divider by @cafekitsune

[light-yaers]

Take Care: Chapter Nine

Fic Masterpost | AO3 | Chapter List

Warnings: swearing, eventual smut, emotional themes.

A/N: i love angst and i love it when roy acts like a middle aged white woman at a wine party where he laughs too loud and pretends he's having a great time just to get through it all

Word count: 6.5k

Chapter Nine

After a few weeks, you’d already got used to the tube journey from Richmond to Somerset House. You reluctantly found out that, despite London being one city and the tube routes being easy, it was so fucking huge that it took you almost an hour to get to work. Maybe that was your fault for staying in Richmond instead of moving, but you didn’t mind a longer commute into the City of London if that meant you got to stay put.

Pluto Press was unique, and you felt proud to have a position there. Your desk was by the window, looking over the Strand outside. Your colleagues were nice, and you got to work alongside artists and writers wherever you went. It was like a dream come true. Which was why, as you arrived home on the Friday of your second week, you couldn’t understand why you felt so… shit. You felt lonely, isolated, and so overtired that you were certain your brain wasn’t working at full capacity. You missed the team at AFC Richmond, talks with Keeley and Rebecca, Ted’s american jokes– Roy.

Since his last game, Roy had gone off the grid. You were lucky if you randomly saw him out and about in Richmond. You’d attempted to meet up with him after his retirement press conference, a month after the end of your placement and his injury, but to no avail. And even now, staring at your phone, glass of wine in your hand as you settled in for another Friday night alone, you had the urge to text him. You downed your wine before you did, and dropped the glass onto your coffee table as you opened up Roy’s and yours text chain. Then, you typed:

Are you coming to the game tomorrow? I’d love to see you!

Enthusiasm wasn’t the key to Roy’s heart, but you’d run out of options to get him to respond. It was only a friendly match, anyway, since the season was still a few months out. You wanted to imagine him there tomorrow, black shirt and black leather jacket donned, hands stuffed in his pockets, as he settled into his seat at the Dogtrack– not as a player, but as an admirer, maybe. 

When you sat in the owner’s box the next day, with the whistle about to be blown, you couldn’t stop calling yourself an idiot. Why the fuck would Roy want to come back here, of all places? The pitch where he played his last game, the stadium where he trained for his last season ever, surrounded by the people who got to keep playing after he all but faded away. 

You settled into your seat with a sour taste in your mouth and a frown on your face. Keeley squeezed your hand affectionately. “You okay, babe?” she asked. 

You shook your head, trying to get yourself out of this hole. “I asked Roy to come,” you told her. “Stupid, really.”

Keeley frowned at you empathetically. “ You tried, babe, but I think that’s all we can do right now after his retirement.”

You nodded, feeling sick. “Yeah.” You forced yourself to perk up, to focus on the positives, and abruptly shot up from your seat. “Come on, Richmond!” you screamed into the void, in some attempt to make you feel better about it all. 

That feeling only lasted so many days. By Tuesday of the next week, you were back to feeling overwhelmed, overtired, and so lonely that you genuinely didn’t know what to do with yourself. Most of your colleagues at work didn’t live anywhere near the west, so you were forced to leave after work drinks early, or not go at all, just to get home at a reasonable hour. 

The walk from Richmond station to your flat was becoming so dull that you could hardly stand it. One Thursday in the beginning of July, you elected to cut through Richmond Green and travel a longer route home, just to stop your brain from imploding. You left the station in the complete opposite direction to your flat, and said fuck it in your head. You passed over the green, treading along the concrete paving around the edge, until you reached Mae’s pub. 

To your surprise, inside you saw the unmistakable moustache of one Ted Lasso, sitting opposite the familiar hat donned by one Coach Beard. Your heart soared, and you bound into the pub before you could tell yourself to slow the fuck down. Ted spotted you as soon as you entered the bar, and stood up immediately. You realigned your direction of movement and took a hard right, heading straight towards the coaches.

“Well, howdy–!” You wrapped your arms around him before he’d even finished speaking. The happy smile on his face quickly dropped to a confused frown. Ted embraced you warmly, and it was clear to see that something was very wrong. “Hey–” He was going to ask if you were alright, but he stopped himself. “It’s okay. It’s alright.”

Beard peered up at the two of you, his face stoney and thoughtful. His finger tapped on his chin in subtle curiosity and concern. Ted didn’t urge you to say anything, not for those few moments where he held you tightly. Beard gestured to Mae at the bar, and whispered “One lager, please, Mae. On our tab.” She brought it over in a matter of seconds, and you finally pulled away from Ted long enough to suck in a breath. 

You glanced at the beer on the table for you. “Thank you, Mae,” you croaked, turning to look at her as she strolled back to the bar. She smiled at you warmly, and you finally took a seat alongside the coaches. “Sorry, Coach. Didn’t mean to ambush you,” you breathed out. 

“I don’t mind it, not when it’s you who’s doing the ambushing,” Ted said, taking a sip of his beer and waving it off like it was nothing. 

“Seems to me like there’s something going on,” Beard chimed in, and took a sip of beer to mimic Ted before him. His eyes seemed mischievous, like he was looking for gossip, but that was generally what Beard looked like when he wanted to know something. He was like an old, wise owl. He placed his beer back on the table. “It’s either that, or I just haven’t noticed that you’ve always looked like you’re in the middle of an existential crisis.”

“Very funny,” you let out, tapping your glass anxiously. “I’d go with the former over the latter, Beard.” 

“I know,” he said, before he smiled at you knowingly. “Penny for your thoughts?”

You frowned at the table while Ted and Beard waited patiently for you to open up. You felt silly. How could you put your loneliness into words when it felt so unnatural? You had no reason to feel so terrible. You had a great new job, lived in a gorgeous neighbourhood, and had everything you could possibly want in life. You had the guys, and couldn’t wait until the season started up again in a few months, despite them being relegated to the Championship. You had Keeley and Rebecca, two strong and powerful women who you could confide in and rely on if you really needed to. You had… Well, that was just it. 

Did you really have Roy anymore? 

“It’s so stupid,” you started, trying to keep yourself steady, but all composure went out of the window as soon as those three words left your lips. “I have no reason to be this way. My new job is fucking fantastic, and I still get to live in Richmond, in my flat that I love so much, and I still get to go to games and see the guys and walk to Nelson Road across the green. This is all so fucking stupid.” You smacked your hands over your face in frustration. “I have no reason to feel this alone.” Your words were muffled beneath your palms, but Ted and Beard still glanced at each other with concern. 

“You’re feeling lonely?” Ted asked gently. 

You dragged your hands down your cheeks and sniffed through your snotty nose. “A little bit.” 

“A little bit.” Beard mimicked you. You scoffed abruptly, and it felt good just for a second.

Ted shuffled next to you, and readied himself to speak. “Lemme tell you something about loneliness,” he started. “When you feel it, you always feel silly. You feel like a dang moron, because all it does is make you think about all the people you have in your life that are there to listen to you, yet when you reach out, you pretend not to feel that loneliness, am I right?” 

You remembered the text you’d sent to Roy. So over enthusiastic in some attempt to hide how awful you’d been feeling. When he didn’t respond, or give you any indication that he’d even read your message, it just made you feel even worse. If you’d been honest, maybe he would have been more inclined to reply.

You nodded at Ted in understanding. “It’s hard sometimes. To tell people close to you that you’re struggling.” 

“Oh, don’t I know it,” Ted said. “That’s the catch, ain’t it? You wanna keep things light, you wanna keep things happy, but sometimes you can’t. And that’s alright. It’s okay to feel lonely, and tired, and tearful. Don’t beat yourself up for any of that.” 

You held onto Ted’s words for dear life. You’d never understand how he was able to be so optimistic, so constantly happy. No one was truly like that, so you bet it was all a bit of an act. Even so, Ted had a way of getting through to you. His words resonated, and you found yourself listening to him more than shrugging him off. He was good to you. You had the small green, army man that he’d given you for good luck, in your pocket or your bag constantly, moving it around like a chapstick from garment to garment. 

Even now, as you gently stuck your hand into your jacket pocket, the army man was there. Gun raised, knees bent in a defensive stance, ready to protect you. 

“Have you… heard from Roy?” you asked. 

Beard looked at Ted sullenly, almost, and you understand immediately. “Roy will be Roy,” Ted said, smiling at you halfheartedly. “His retirement press conference, though– jeez, it didn’t half tug on my heartstrings, here.”

“The end of an era,” Beard said, widening his eyes with grandeur. 

“I haven’t seen him since the Man City game in May,” you said. “Two months.”

“He’ll come around eventually,” Ted said, trying to reassure you, but you were sure that nothing but seeing Roy’s face in person would be able to do that. Ted suddenly perked up. “Anyway, how’s the new job! Got some new friends? Got some new besties? Oh– have you met anyone special yet?”

If you didn’t already know Ted, this would be incredibly out of the blue. But, you did know him. He was sweet, and kind, and capable of distracting you from your sadness. He made you feel welcome, and loved, and thought about. And– he made you roll your eyes to oblivion. 

You did just that, rolled your eyes into your skull with a smile on your face. “Job is great, but the dating pool is still very much dry, Ted.”

“Dang it!” he exclaimed. “Maybe the guys were right, all those months ago, huh? You should get on some dating apps, just for funzies.”

“Keeley has been wanting me to try out one, to be honest. It’ll only be a matter of time before she forces all of you guys to get on it,” you said, pointing at Ted and Beard in warning. “It’s called… um– something with a B. Like, Bantz, or Bumz. I don’t know.” You waved your hand in front of your face, giving up on remembering. 

“Might be worth a try all the same?” Ted said, egging you on. 

You sat for a moment, thinking, before you nodded. “Yeah, maybe you’re right. I should put myself out there, yeah?”

“Heck yeah,” Ted said enthusiastically. “No harm in it, right?”

Was there any harm in it? Surely not. You were a single woman, you were free to branch out. But, underneath it all, there was still something that held you back. Without meaning to, Roy’s head popped into the back of your mind. All that you’d shared over your year at Richmond, that unspoken thing that fluctuated between you. 

You thought back to his final game then, as you remembered it all. The gentle way you held each other’s faces as you knelt on the floor beneath him, just to be close, just to let him know that you were there. The soft way he’d draped his arm over your shoulder as the team gathered after relegation. Despite the loss, and the end of his career, Roy had still laughed alongside the guys. His fingers had skimmed over your knuckles under those fluorescent lights, noticed by everyone, but it had all gone unsaid. It didn’t need to be mentioned, not when everyone had known this was bound to happen eventually. 

You and him, him and you. It fit, didn’t it? 

But, with the silence of the past few months, you didn’t know anymore. Maybe it was just the proximity, the familiarity of being around each other, that had made you believe it all to be so. Roy hadn’t said a word to you in months, hadn’t tried to. Had it all been in your mind?

As you finished your pint with Ted and Beard, talking about the new season, you forced yourself to stop thinking about Roy. You’d let him know you were there, and it had gone unreciprocated. As much as a part of you still yearned for him to be near, you had to stop putting in effort when he wasn’t trying to do the same to you. 

The name of the dating app was Bantr, and as soon as you messaged Keeley to say you were doing it, she replied with a winky face. You scoffed to yourself as you filled out your profile, and within an hour had got chatting to a guy from Richmond. 

The thing about Bantr; it was anonymous. You knew ages, and usernames, and location, but not actual names, or looks. It was a refreshing change from other apps, and you found yourself having a great conversation. Within a week, you’d already arranged to go out for dinner in the town.

As you walked to your date, a week or so after seeing Ted and Beard, you spoke to Keeley on the phone for a pep talk. 

“What if he’s ugly? Or boring?” you said. 

“Give it a chance, babes, you haven’t even met him yet!”

“I know, I know. I don’t think I was made for dating apps, honestly,” you let out, laughing to yourself to avoid a proper anxious meltdown. You thought you looked quite good, as you wore the same jumpsuit that you had for the charity ball last year. It was amongst the only fancy clothes you fucking owned. 

“You’ll get used to it. How long has it been, anyway?”

“Since I’ve got some, or since I’ve been on a date?” you joked. 

Keeley cackled down the phone. “The date. No– both.”

“A long time. For both, unfortunately.” You could practically feel Keeley grimacing.

“Go and get some then, babes,” she urged you on. “You never know, he might be your soulmate.”

You felt sick immediately, and frowned in disgust. “Ew, stop talking like that. Soulmates aren’t real. And if they were, I doubt I would meet him on Bantr.”

“Stop being so cynical,” she said, like a teacher telling off a student. “Take it from me– even if he’s not your soulmate, still try and have a good time, alright?”

You laughed softly. “Alright,” you gave in. 

“You deserve some fun! Promise me you'll have fun,” Keeley said sternly. You would never be able to deny her. 

“I promise,” you let out, alongside a smile. 

“Tell me everything. Love you.”

“Love you too, babes,” you said, before you hung up. 

You dropped your phone into your bag, and inhaled sharply as you made your way into the restaurant. Maybe this would be a good thing. A change of pace, something to get you back out there into the real world. As you waited at the bar, you shoved away the thought of Roy from your head. He didn’t belong there anymore, not when he’d made no attempt to stay close. 

Rebecca had been right. Footballers were dangerous. Especially the ones who pretended not to care. 

You spent the first twenty minutes of your date wondering if you were being pranked. There had to be a camera crew round the corner, there had to be some presenter who would pop out and tell you it was all a massive joke– because he was gorgeous. 

Lucas was his name. He had a face that lit up a room, and a voice that whacked you in the chest. For a week, you’d been discussing books, films and all the things you enjoyed over text. That didn’t change when you were face to face, but the accompaniment of seeing his face was definitely a plus. He bought you drinks, and was interested when you spoke, and all the things you’d been dying for over the past few years of being chronically single. 

“You’re new to the area, aren’t you?” he asked, as you finished your main courses. 

“Partially,” you said, tapping your wine glass. “I moved here last year for a masters degree.”

“Oh, fantastic. In what?”

You let out a breath. “It’s sort of a long story.”

“We’ve got time,” he said, smiling. “We still haven’t had dessert.”

Jesus fucking Christ, he was utterly perfect. You told him everything. The mix up from the university, the placement being at AFC Richmond, of all places. You spoke about your time there in depth, not even realising that you’d been whittling on about the guys, and Ted and Beard, for a while. By the time you were done, your dessert plates were thoroughly devoured, and you’d both moved onto something a little stronger. Lucas swilled a whiskey, and you clutched onto a gin and tonic. 

“That sounds like an awfully big adventure,” Lucas said, awestruck, when you were finally finished. 

“It was a blessing in disguise, really,” you said, smiling to yourself as all the memories of the year came flooding back. “I still got a position at Pluto Press, and I got to know some of the best people I’ve ever known. Luck was really on my side for this one, I think.”

“Definitely sounds like it,” Lucas said, gawking at you with eyes that only made you feel one thing; heard. “So, you’re still friends with them all?”

You nodded. “Absolutely. I saw Ted and Beard last week, actually. They convinced me to get on Bantr, funnily enough.”

“Well,” Lucas said softly. “You’ll have to thank them the next time you see them. I wouldn’t have met you otherwise.” Your heart lurched in your chest. You fought the urge to look away and cool your face down by fanning your hands. “Also, you need to do me a favour,” he continued, and you smiled questioningly. 

“What’s that?”

“I was a big Chelsea fan growing up, the biggest, if you can imagine it,” Lucas said. “My favourite player of all time was number six, Roy Kent.” Your heart dropped into your gut. When before it had been pumping happily, it was now a stone in your stomach, ready to be ejected through your windpipe. “The next time you see him, can you get me his autograph?”

You stopped breathing for a moment, from a lack of what to say. As soon as Lucas saw your face, he changed his demeanour immediately. 

He leant forward and looked at you with a gentle smile. “I’m totally joking,” he said quickly. You could breathe again, and found yourself stuttering out some chuckles of relief. “It was a joke, truly,” he repeated himself. 

The two of you shared some awkward laughter, but you were thankful it was all a bit of fun. “You scared me,” you said. “You don’t know Roy. If I asked for an autograph he’d fully think I’d gone mad.”

“You seem to know him quite well,” Lucas figured out. “I’m probably barking up the wrong tree, but he doesn’t seem like the friendly type.”

Your chest burst with the need to defend him immediately. “That’s not true at all. Don’t believe what the press says,” you said quickly. “Roy is… he’s… well– an arseshole, completely, but…” You swallowed, allowing yourself to think of him, just this once. “He’s also one of the kindest people I know.”

Lucas smiled, satisfied. “I’ll take your word for it,” he said. 

He paid the bill, and batted away every attempt you gave to pay half of it. As the two of you left the restaurant, Lucas put his arm out for you. You took it graciously, and the two of you walked back into town together. He walked you to your door as you continued your conversation, and when he rose up the steps to your building, he gently let your arm go. 

“I had a really lovely time tonight,” he said. 

“Me too,” you smiled. You meant it. 

“I’d really like to see you again,” he said strongly, before he backed up slightly. “Only if that was something that you wanted, as well, of course.”

You were already laughing by the time he’d finished. “I would love that, yes.”

“Great,” he said. “I’ll call you?”

You nodded, and he nodded too, both of you smiling like two school children who’d just discovered crushes on the other. As he left, you watched him walk away and around the corner. You felt giddy, you felt content, and you couldn’t believe it had all gone so well. Part of you was certain it was all too good to be true, but you followed Keeley’s advice as you entered your flat. You told yourself not to overthink it, to let yourself have a good time, to embrace something going well for once. 

Even so, as you got ready for bed at home, your mind kept flashing back to Roy. He was part of you, and it was impossible to ignore it all. As much as you shouldn’t have, you felt guilty. You and Roy had never been a thing, never gone there, yet you felt like you’d betrayed him, almost. The happiness from your beautiful evening quickly descended into sadness. You’d never felt more lonely than this, despite having a lovely meal with a gorgeous man. 

You dropped yourself onto your sofa, and brought out your phone. Quickly, you clicked on Roy’s name and began typing out a message. You sent it before your slightly drunk self could take it back, choosing to be honest with him for once in your life. 

I miss you. 

As the season kicked off, you focused on work. You applied yourself generously, and were hanging out with your colleagues in the city even more so. You took Keeley’s and Ted’s advice on board– you opened yourself up to more. You went on a few more dates on Bantr, including a second date with Lucas, over the next few weeks. 

None of them had worked out well, apart from Lucas himself. He’d kissed you after your second date, and you’d had to tell yourself not to invite him into your flat for a drink. You didn’t want to rush it all, didn’t want to dive into something that you were enjoying at this pace. Despite being in need– desperately, if you were being honest– you held yourself to a higher standard than that. Not that there was anything wrong with having fun and sleeping around, but you were out of practice. You’d rather sleep with someone you knew a bit more, before jumping straight in. 

Lucas seemed fine with that, too. He made an active effort to call you occasionally, and you’d both talk about work or your plans or your friends and family. He made you laugh, and that was a big green flag in your eyes. 

“So, when are you going to fuck?” Keeley said, and you scoffed abruptly. You both sat in the owner’s box at the Dogtrack, watching Richmond’s third match of the Championship season. July was well and truly over, as the second week of August had just begun. 

Still– nothing from Roy. You’d stopped caring to count the days. 

“Not everything has to be about sex,” you hit back. 

“Sure, I know that. But if he’s really as gorgeous as you say, why the fuck haven’t you yet? Are you playing hard to get?”

“Absolutely not. If anything I probably reply too fast to his messages,” you said. “I just… I don’t want to rush. We’re having fun, and he’s lovely, and– I just don’t need to worry about when sex is going to happen or not happen.” You made yourself believe the words you were saying, but you were definitely lying.

Keeley saw straight through you. “It’s going to happen on your next date, isn’t it?”

“God, I fucking hope so,” you burst. “It’s been over a year for me, you know.”

“A year? Like– a calendar year?”

You nodded severely, like it was the worst thing in the world that you hadn’t been dicked down in over 365 days. Since moving to Richmond, you’d never had the opportunity to, if you thought about it. You had your work colleagues, who overlapped as your friends. Shitting where you ate was always a bad idea, especially with a bunch of footballers. As much as they were all gorgeous in their own ways, you couldn’t imagine sleeping with any of them– well, except…

“What about Roy?” Keeley’s tone changed to something much softer. Her gaze hit you gently, and her eyes told you it was okay to open up to her. “You didn’t ever… you know.”

You frowned as soon as she brought him up. You shook your head, not knowing what else to say. When Roy was brought to your attention now, all you felt was anger. Red, burning rage, penetrating deep into your bones. Your prior loneliness and sadness had turned to being pissed off. 

“No. We never did.” Your voice was blunt, plain, so devoid of anything other than severity, that you hated the way you sounded. You let out a sigh, and told yourself to push forward. “He’s a footballer, Keeley. And you know exactly what he’s like. Maybe I thought something was there, but it’s been three fucking months. He hasn’t contacted me at all, and honestly– I’m done with it.”

Keeley quickly dropped her hand into your lap, clutching her fingers over your own. She smiled at you. “Screw him. You’re so much better than you were last month, so fucking screw him.”

You smiled at her, feeling your anger dissipate. You were lucky to have her, Keeley, because she wholeheartedly understood you. She supported you, and held you when you needed to be held, and yelled encouragement at you when you needed it, too. It was then, as Richmond failed to score a goal, and subsequently performed their third tie of their season so far, that you couldn’t wait for her to meet Lucas. Maybe this would turn into something great, if you only let yourself fall into it. 

A week later, across the green and beyond his neighbourhood, Roy stared at his phone for the umpteenth time that day. He had no new messages, no missed calls, not even any notifications from Dominos or Pizza Hut. He counted the days in his head– thirty-four– since you’d last contacted him. That message, the last one you’d sent him, saying you missed him; he still found his gut coiling and his chest compressing when he thought about it. 

As he oversaw his under 9’s girls football team on the pitch, he slotted his phone back into his tracksuit. This was all getting to be too much for him– missing you, avoiding Richmond, growing out his fucking hair– but he couldn’t seem to shake himself out of this after-retirement slump. 

He regretted the conference. Putting his heart on the line at the end of his career, bursting into tears behind the microphone and in front of the press. You’d messaged him about that, too, saying that you were proud of him, that you wanted to see him, that it’d been a while. Even so, he couldn’t bring himself to respond. He was a prick, he knew that more than anyone, and the fact that he was actively avoiding you and other people who gave a shit, made him feel even worse about it all. 

It only made him want to stay away more. 

Maybe he could coach these under 9’s for the rest of his life, and live in seclusion, only interrupted by his yoga mums and an occasional glass of rosé. 

He entered his house that evening, grabbing a beer as soon as he did. He popped off the top, and glugged back a few gulps. The evenings were bright in summer, and it only made his house feel emptier. He glanced around his living room, skimming his eyes over his overflowing bookshelves, when he caught a look at your article. 

He’d framed it, and placed it in the middle of his homemade cards from Phoebe. As much as it stung him to look at now, it was a reminder of you. Those months together at Richmond, his final game, all of it. He thought of it all more often than he wanted, as his mind roamed and landed upon things that only made him feel worse. Going from playing football everyday to this was a big change. It hurt his heart profusely, but he knew it was partly his own doing.

He’d cut himself off from everyone, shut himself away for the foreseeable future. In some ways, he felt he deserved it. He’d battered away every attempt at people to reach out. You, Ted, Keeley; their names sat in his phone with messages from over a month ago that he’d never responded to. He gulped back more of his beer as he started getting angry at himself, and a split second decision had him finishing his drink and grabbing his house keys. He left his empty house and headed into town, as the sun still shone high over Richmond. 

You hugged Lucas as you approached the bar, and your table outside. He kissed you on the cheek affectionately, before he pulled out your chair. You sat, and he confidently waved over a waitress to take your drink orders. 

This was nice. Your third date, and neither of you could get enough of the other. You sipped on wine and talked about your daily lives, sharing jokes over some olives, as the sun skittered across the lush outside space of a central Richmond bar. 

“How are they doing?” Lucas asked, popping an olive into his mouth. 

“Not good,” you said. “They’ve tied three games in a row. Not the best after relegation, really.” You shrugged, picturing Sam’s sullen face after the game last week. 

They were all so tired, all so capable, but they’d lost Roy. It was doing a number on all of them. They missed their ex-captain.

“Hm, that’s a shame. What do you reckon is holding them back?” he asked. 

You often felt giddy when Lucas asked you about football. He listened to what you had to say, took on board your points, and thought you knew a lot more about the sport in general. It was a welcomed change from what the guys at the club had thought of your knowledge. 

“Lots of things, I suppose,” you said, taking a sip of your drink before you started. “Having Ted and Beard was always going to be a learning curve, but that wasn’t the reason for their relegation. Jamie Tartt was taken back by Man City a few months before the end of their previous season, which drastically made things worse, amongst other things.”

Other things being Roy. 

“Other things?” Lucas said, and you wished he hadn’t. 

You were trying this thing where you didn’t bring up Roy when you didn’t need to. It had helped you a lot so far, over the past few weeks, and kept your moods happier in general. When you thought of him, it was often difficult to get him out of your mind again. It only ever reminded you of the past few months of silence, and no one needed to be in the firing line for that– except him. 

Nevertheless, you sucked in a breath, and drank a large gulp of your wine, before you forced yourself to continue. “Well, their final game of last season. Other than the loss, and the relegation itself, they were definitely shaken up by–” You stopped, but not because of anything in your mind. 

Your heart catapulted into your throat when your eyes focused on him. Black t-shirt, black leather jacket, black jeans. His hair had grown out. He looked scruffy, and unkempt, and all the things that he hadn’t only a few months ago. You noticed his limp first, next to the steely gaze that he shot to the world around him. 

“Roy.” His name burst from your mouth.

He was fast approaching, about to pass the bar, and you didn’t want him to spot you. You weren’t in the mood to see him now. You wanted to enjoy your date, and get laid afterwards, and not think about him ever. 

Lucas hummed and nodded. “Oh, yeah. Losing Roy must have been a big change for them, you’re right.”

“No– uh,” you said, suddenly leaning forward to clutch onto Lucas’s arm. “Can we go inside? I suddenly have a really bad chill.”

Lucas widened his eyes at you in concern, but he didn’t seem to catch on. “Really? It’s still quite warm. I can grab you a blanket, would that help?” he suggested. God dammit he was so considerate, and kind, but you didn’t think a blanket would fix this. Panic set in tenfold.

You rethought your escape plan. “I– I’ll go to the loo, and grab one on my way out,” you said frantically, standing up far too quickly. 

Your leg hit the table abruptly, sending a sharp pain through your kneecap. You squeaked, and your glass toppled over suddenly. It was too late to be stopped, as it fell from the table and smashed upon the floor. Glass shards littered the concrete, and your presence was alerted to everyone at the bar, and beyond. 

Lucas got up swiftly, and clutched your arm. “Are you okay?” he asked, worried. 

“Yeah, I just–” You looked up, and you froze. 

Roy Kent stopped walking, as his eyes focused on your face. You felt your blood boil uncomfortably beneath your skin, as his gaze took in the panicked expression on your brow. The jig was up. He’d spotted you, due to your utter clumsiness, and a wave of upset ravaged in your chest. 

The first thing Roy thought when he saw you, was how much you were glowing. You hadn’t glowed like that in a while, not unless he counted the night of the charity ball, or when you’d interviewed him in his dining room. The sun settled over your shocked expression, a look that should have made you look scary, like a deer in headlights, but it only made his heart lurch. 

There was a man before you, clutching onto your arm as he asked you if you were okay again. He rounded the table and held you close, and as he did you finally looked away. You smiled at him, clearly embarrassed that you’d broken a glass and whacked yourself. That look was one that Roy recognised– you’d looked at him that like many times before.

This is what he’d allowed himself to pass by. You, and drinks in the summer, chatting over a bowl of olives as you swished a straw into a spritzer or got froth on your upper lip from a beer. He was a fucking idiot. Roy told himself this was it. He could either go over, and get you back– get it all back– or he could miss this opportunity and never fucking try. When he started walking again, you snapped your gaze back at him in warning. 

Roy chose to ignore it.

You could’ve punched him.

“What was that all about–?” Lucas said, as he followed your gaze. He stopped short as soon as he saw Roy, and smiled excitedly as he looked back at you. “Is that… Roy Kent?”

You inhaled sharply, deeply, trying to calm yourself down as a wave of anger rose from within you. “Yes. Yes, it is,” you said, giving up. There was a look on Roy’s face that you knew well, that fake smile that he put on for people, when he was pretending to be a joking version of himself.

“What a coincidence!” Lucas exclaimed. 

You hummed, trying to keep your tone light. “Massive,” you said bluntly. 

As Roy stepped towards you both, you felt your chest crumble ever so slightly. Lucas peered at him like an awestruck kid. This was the last thing you’d ever wanted to fucking happen. 

Roy gestured to the broken glass on the floor. “Think you dropped something.”

“Thanks for the heads up,” you said, as you inhaled his words for the first time in three months. Alongside your anger, you felt your throat start to close. Seeing his face again after so long was a hit. 

“Roy Kent,” Lucas said happily, sticking his hand out. Roy shot you an amused look as he leaned in and shook it. “Big fan. I’ve heard a lot about you from this one,” he said, gesturing to you affectionately. 

“Have you now?” Roy said. The sweet way he was talking was all a farce. He was playing nice for your sake, but you had a horrible feeling that he was going to go overboard. 

“Yes. All bad things,” you said, smiling sarcastically. Lucas laughed loudly, and Roy smiled overenthusiastically, like someone at a pantomime performance. It was incredibly off-putting, and made you feel slightly sick. It was probably overlaid from the deep panic you felt in your gut, amongst other things. 

Roy and Lucas parted. As they did, Lucas peered down at you. He took one look at your face– your gaze stuck on Roy bluntly and trying not to scream– and utterly misinterpreted your emotions. “Would you care to join us for a drink?” he asked Roy. 

You sucked in a breath. “Oh, no, he’s–”

“You know what,” Roy cut over you. “I’d love to.”

After a year of knowing him, you knew this was it– this would finally be the time you punched Roy Kent in his fucking face. 

CHAPTER TEN

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[she-posts-nerdy-stuff]

Okay I was too tired last night for coherent thought but I’m now here with some assorted bullet points after watching dr who e6: Rogue

SPOILERS AHEAD

Overall I really enjoyed this episode! I thought the pacing was good, it was typical Doctor Who style and very enjoyable, I liked that we got time with both Ruby and the Doctor separately as well as together, I have a couple of thoughts but I just really want to say that overall I loved this episode

Theory based on the theory (I’m sorry I don’t know who first said it I’ve seen it a lot) that Devil’s Chord was moved: This was supposed to episode 2 - Flashback to Ruby’s mum when she ‘died’ that we didn’t get when died in Boom, one of her pieces of evidence that it was her was ‘we met space babies’ but no reference to other adventures, it would make the timing match up (she can’t remember whether it’s June or July back home), the stakes are less visibly high, other than Susan Twist there was no real reference to the overarching story arc (no snow, no One Who Waits, no pantheon references, etc) as is common with early episodes, we had more focus on the Doctor himself than we’ve really had so far and we actually got to understand, I felt at least, more about him as a character which again would usually be set up earlier on idk

Do you understand how relieved (and excited) I was when they started actually acknowledging Susan Twist, and of the same vein as I was when I saw the teaser for next week??? Absolutely buzzing, and also I was starting to think I was going mad looking for connections that didn’t exist so whooo

I thought Rogue was a really good character, I thought they were definitely trying to set something up for him to the Captain Jack archetype character (if that makes sense? I hope I’ve worded that right) and although I saw it coming for him to sacrifice himself for Ruby I don’t think that’s going to be the last of him - even if we see him at a different part of his timeline instead of his future. That could also be really interesting if the partner he lost was in fact in a romantic relationship with him and we have to see the Doctor contend with that, I can’t remember whether they stated the nature of their relationship or not but I don’t think they did so that could leave some options open to explore. I did feel that the Doctor and Rogue were a little bit rushed but overall really liked the set up of the relationship, I only found it slightly jarring when 13 was so broken up over the impossibility of letting herself fall in love with Yaz but I also think that different incarnations tend to approach their relationships differently so for me it wasn’t so much an issue as just a noticeable thing I guess

Speaking of noticeable things, IT WAS MODERN MUSIC??? I heard Bad Guy by Billie Eilish and Poker Face by Lady Gaga but there may have been others I didn’t recognise/pick up on. This was very very very suspicious to me, and other than a few episodes I haven’t watched Bridgerton but isn’t that what they do in Bridgerton??? Classical instrumentals of modern music??? Very suspicious

Also, the shapeshifters (chuldrur? Sorry I can’t remember it exactly) referred to themselves as cosplaying and that really caught me out I thought it was odd

I didn’t feel like the the rules of the trap were quite well established enough in that it wasn’t very clear to me how Rogue could so easily throw Ruby out of the trap when she couldn’t move; I assume it was because the capacity remained at 6 but idk I just felt like we could have had a clearer understanding of how it worked for the purpose of that set up

Ruby’s pretence was interesting, it made me think of Clara in Deep Breath a little bit but because of the perspective the stakes felt quite different. I did think it was weird that everyone else stopped cosplaying for the wedding and she was just there looking like herself because it made her stick out and also if the wedding is their finale to the game why wouldn’t they want to be in character?

ALSO it once again all links back to story whenever we are with Ruby and I think that’s fascinating, especially as a character who has died and been brought back, ‘died’, or had her history changed and rewritten in almost every episode so far

On that point -> Dungeons and Dragons!! Effectively what the shapeshifters felt they were doing as their game, and such an interesting link when there are so many questions left unanswered about Rogue ooo I’m excited

Okay I may be back with more but I think that’s all for now, very excited for next week’s episode, thanks for reading my ramblings I hope they were at least vaguely interesting <3

[syaolaurant]

VIOLETTE LAURANT (HL MC Profile)

I tried something new today - painting in (not so) realistic portrait of Violette. Took abit time to study cuz it's not my usual style >"<.

I'm so happy to see many of you are interested in my MC even though I've just joined the fandom for a week. Thank you so much (//ω//)!!! So here's some information about Violette (I tried to keep it short and simple but it still turned out abit long...).

Name: Violette Laurant

House: Hufflepuff

Birthday: 20th November

Nationality: French/British (She can speak French, so she didn't have to ask  Scrope to pronounce the password).

Wand: Sycamore Wood, Phoenix feather, 12 ½" Length, surprisingly swishy flexibility

The sycamore makes a questing wand, eager for new experience and losing brilliance if engaged in mundane activities. It is a quirk of these handsome wands that they may combust if allowed to become ‘bored,’ and many witches and wizards, settling down into middle age, are disconcerted to find their trusty wand bursting into flame in their hand as they ask it, one more time, to fetch their slippers. As may be deduced, the sycamore’s ideal owner is curious, vital and adventurous, and when paired with such an owner, it demonstrates a capacity to learn and adapt that earns it a rightful place among the world's most highly-prized wand woods.

A wand with this flexibility will either surprise its owner by being surprisingly loyal or surprisingly unloyal and is most often known for doing the unexpected. It is usually great for charm work. Owners that are matched with wands of this flexibility are usually the type of people who have a hard time coming out of their shell or opening up, but once they do, others will find themselves drawn to their charming, fun-loving personalities. The owner usually adapts well to unexpected changes but may find it difficult to make hard decisions.

Patronus: CAT

PERSONALITY MBTI: INFP Positive traits: Loyal and caring (she's Hufflepuff anyway), protective, passionate and a good listener. She tends to have few close friends than being surrounded by many acquaintances. Negative traits: She's an introvert, abit too emotional and gets easily lost in thoughts. Sensitive and usually absorb other people’s negative moods.

Hobbies: Tarot reading (cause me too hehe), magical gemstones collecting, dueling practice, caring for magical creatures in her vivarium.

Amortentia: Ginger tea, petrichor, tarot incense smoke which later changed to Sebatian's cologne. Favorite subjects: D.A.D.A, Care for Magical Creatures, Divination.

Least favorite subjects: Potions (she's not the type of person who always sticks to instruction), Arithmancy, History of Magic.

RELATIONSHIPS:

Family: Before her entrance to Hogwarts, Violette lived in a happy and caring family. Her father is a muggle from France, he moved to England with his twin brother in their 20s and met her mother -who is a witch (which she had kept secret until the night she got engaged, her father didn't surprise much, said he "positively felt something mysterious and strange about her the first day they met"). His twin brother is also married to a muggle, they also have a daughter named Noir Laurant. This family sure do like naming their children after color.

Sebastian Sallow: Since Violette's father and uncle are twins, she, more than anyone else understands Sebastian's feelings and why he doesn't give up on finding the cure for Anne. She was aware of the possible consequences of using dark arts, but still went along with Sebastian during the search for the relic cause she just could not bear to see him lose Anne. She admires his determination and outspokenness, which is quite contradicting to her introverted personality. After being dragged into the battle with goblins and Fig's death, Violette was traumatized and self-isolated, she lost her purpose for a while. Sebastian being a focused mind as always, helped snap her back to reality. Violette's loyalty and caring nature are Sebastian's emotional support. She decided to continue finding the cure for Anne with him, in a way that does not involve dark magic.

Ominis Gaunt: Is a wonderful friend to Violette. Both are introverts and do not trust other people easily. Violette likes Ominis's calming energy, and finds his sarcasm funny. They are the type of friends who do not talk much during hang out, just lay down and read books together.

Poppy Sweeting: Poppy is another great friend of Violette, as they're both from Hufflepuff. They share the same dedication to caring for nature and magical creatures. If there is something she cannot talk to the boys, she will share it with Poppy.

Natsai Onai: Violette and Natty get along well, she's always appreciates Natty's attempt to save her from Harlow's crucio. She also likes visiting Divination class to talk about tarot with Natty's mother.

SOME OTHER FACTS:

Violette's favorite food is apple pie & honey ginger tea. She doesn't like pineapple.

She is addicted to cats and will pet any cat she sees on the street.

She owns a brown great-horned owl named Garnet.

Her favorite tarot card is The Star. Favorite gemstone is amethyst due to its healing magic (and the color).

Even though she beat Imelda 3 times in flying and her housemate kept persuading her to join quidditch, she's not very fond of the game. She tried quidditch for about 3 months and then quit, as she doesn't like too much attention. She enjoys dueling in Crossed Wands instead.

Violette is the type of person who sometimes goes out to pick flowers and puts them in books.

She inherited her red hair from her mother.

She has a small scar on her right eye brown which was caused during her fight vs Ranrok Loyalists alongside Sebastian.

[laurasauras]

rose lalonde. that's it, that's the question.

isn't it just! god i love rose.

it's that she's one of those girls who pretends she has it all together, who thinks she's worth more because she is witty and can come up with brilliant burns exactly on cue, but she's also the girl who pretended her cat could talk to her and who would pretend to have a magnetic W as a mustache and is 13 and was probably making potions in the mud with a stick last week.

she's as cool and calm as a forest pond, and you know there are depths there but you assume those depths are things like "can commune with gods (really)" and "maybe she's telling the truth when she says she's read proust". and then you're 14 and so is she and you're finding out that the depths are "she learned how to cope with being bored and isolated and doomed from a mother she maybe shouldn't have forgiven".

and oh, i have all the pity in the world for momlonde. how awful to be put on this planet to raise a child who will end the world before creating a new one? how could you make friends under those circumstances, knowing they would all die because of what the universe has planned for your little girl? how could you sleep at night knowing that at the very least she'll be traumatised, but it's much more likely that she'll just be dead.

but rose didn't know any of that.

rose just knew that her mother wasn't around, not even to make sure she had the capacity to feed herself, let alone making sure that she was.

she knew that if she screamed that she wanted to kill herself or jammed needles in a (dead) powerpoint, her mother wouldn't talk to her, but she might be given a pony or something.

she knew that the only time her mother was around was when she was drunk, and when she was drunk she would be able to tell rose that she loved her and that she was perfect, and maybe she was merry or maybe she was crying but whatever it was, it was fucking hard to trust. because being sober next to a drunk person's sincerity is unbearable. you know that if they weren't drunk they wouldn't be crying or saying all of that, so it doesn't fucking count. and if you were so perfect and loved, then why would she even need to drink. you're 10 years old and you're supposed to be the centre of your mother's whole life, but you're not and you never have been. you're just the inconvenient kid she remembers when her breath stinks and she can't pronounce your name anymore.

and when you're 14 and she's dead and you're staring at the code you found while trying to make apple juice for someone who is your family (but you can't express your love for him), you remember being 4 and standing in her high heels, your ankles barely poking out of the toe of the shoe. and now they fit pretty damn well.

you're on a journey you can't speed up, knowing that at the end of all this bullshit that doesn't matter the people closest to you might be hurt, might be dead, and the air smells just a little bit doomed ... and in that golden window after two drinks but before five, your mom was charming and funny and beautiful, and she could actually say what she felt. if you're going on your first date with a woman who might make the meaningless tedium worth it, maybe you could use a little of that.

BUT ROSE ISN'T JUST HER TRAUMA!

Rose Is The Flame I Am Drawn To. She Makes Me Feel More Alive Just By Glancing At Me. I Am Bewitched By Her Intelligence And Electrified By Her Humour And Devoted To Her, Just Her, Everything That She Is

rose acts like shes a princess and like the rest of us should feel grateful that she even notices we exist but when you get down to it no one carries a bit like her. she matches me every goddamn step no matter what and she gets what its like to care without making some kind of deal about it

rose is just kind of a dork. it's funny how everyone thinks she's scary. okay, so in a battle between chuck norris and rose lalonde, chuck is going home crying about his kicked nuts and his mommy issues, but just because rose is badass doesn't mean she isn't also the kind of girl who snorts milk through her nose laughing at me pretending to be a walrus with breadsticks. last week. we are 40.

(dear god i'm sorry about the inaccuracy of those text colours, it hurts me too)

so yeah. rose lalonde. that's it, that's the answer.

[vickyvicarious]

You may be interested in this article about ine if the "unpublished" letters in Dracula. It's the letter from Mina to Lucy that we don't get to see.

https://www.mpw.ac.uk/2021/03/18/the-suppressed-letter-in-dracula/

(I've not read all of it yet, but the author takes jabs at the literary critics who call Lucy frivolous and empty headed)

(Link for ease of clicking.) Okay, so this is another instance of the author raising several interesting points but then interpreting them in ways that go wildly against my view of the book and the characters.

Mina's missing letter to Lucy is indeed interesting. I love the defense of Lucy's intelligence. The idea of condolences being given in some capacity as well is quite interesting. There are certainly hints towards bisexuality/polyamory throughout the story. Lucy's search for the key vs. Jonathan's search for the key is something I've noted myself.

However...

Then the article begins to suggest that Dracula/vampires are liberating in some way. They don't come right out and say it but there are hints with the suspicion at Mina's description of her attack (I read it as her guilt complex, not her in denial about having actual complicity) or remarking that Dracula is Lucy's key and generally leads to freedom in the various escape scenes except with Jonathan (Lucy tries to take a literal key from Mina; when she leaves she is put in a position of danger. There is something to be discussed about 'freedom from the cage' with Lucy, Renfield, Bersicker leaving the home/asylum/zoo... but it's notable that they never actually become free, just puppeted by or drawn to Dracula, and they're all hurt in the process). I don't think Mina blushing in that scene where she asked if her entry was necessary to add was because she felt guilty about possibly having cheated/wanted to with Arthur - I think she didn't want to embarrass people, and also maybe was embarrassed at her own excitement/gushing. I don't believe Mina's letter about her wedding was trying to convince Lucy to follow her duty and marry a man she doesn't love, but instead meant as a comfort in advance for the loss of her mother that Mina knew would soon occur.

I don't think that Lucy doesn't love Arthur. If anything, I think her difficulty speaking about him in too great detail suggests her love for him is deeper and more genuine. The lack of detail in the proposal scene is actually a match with a pattern in books like Jane Austen, where bad proposals are delivered exactly and good ones are summarized. I think Lucy loves Arthur a lot, and her line about marrying three men is more reflective of her not wanting to disappoint them than her genuinely being romantically inclined towards them. I did a whole analysis of that entry last year, talking about how Lucy and Arthur are shown to be more in sync than she is with either other suitor.

However, his alignment with Mrs. Westenra is really interesting, and I do agree that he is the definitely the one that there would be pressure towards. Quincey is rich, Jack has had an impressive career - but Arthur is rich, titled, established in local society, and of the same/greater social class. I think, however, that the tension here revolves around Lucy and Mrs. Westenra, not Lucy and Arthur. Mrs. Westenra clearly wants them to be married, and I suspect is going to a fair bit of effort to push them together. I wonder if she is the chaperone for them, and in fact is not allowing them alone together (something Lucy mentions about Arthur's proposal, that he had tried a couple times but didn't get the chance). But Lucy's mother isn't just pushy about Arthur. She infantilizes Lucy and doesn't tell her things, and I think is a major contributor to Lucy's own difficulty about speaking up about her own feelings.

I've spoken in the past about how key the fundamental truthfulness of our authors is to this book. And that's something the article discusses as well, remarking how they all align with one another to tell a single agreed story despite different authors. However, I don't think we're intended to try and read between the lines to find places where they are lying/hiding from one another. And I also just don't think they are for the most part. It ties into the themes of the book more for them to be open where they can, and thus makes them sharing these documents more significant as well. Admittedly, the author of this article isn't suggesting that Lucy is outright lying to Mina here... more that she is forcing herself into playing a role, and Mina sees through it. But I still think that undercuts the primarily happy tone of this letter in a real way.

I do love the idea that Mina's letter does have some actual commiseration about things that are bothering Lucy. But I would read that as being much more about Mrs. Westenra and Lucy's expected role in society. Lucy wants to speak more of Arthur but she can't, because of the type of restrictions a lady has to follow. That sort of thing, more than doubting Lucy's feelings for Arthur are genuine. She's obviously stressed about marrying him, hence the sleepwalking, but again I don't doubt her feelings for him. I think it's the major shift in role and also concern for her mother, possibly mixed in with resentment of her.

Mina and duty is also an interesting topic and there is plenty to discuss there. But I don't see her as forcing herself in her various relationships. She genuinely loves Jonathan, her support for Lucy and Arthur is genuine too. She actually assigns things she does for fun to dutiful reasoning several times. I just... don't agree with the way this article interprets its topic.

Relatedly, there are several other letters alluded to that we never get to see. I recently noticed Jonathan's short letter to Mina before arriving at the castle, but there are more to come. Some of them also seem relevant to the plot, perhaps even more so than some of these letters between Lucy and Mina. But I think these are included because they establish things that become relevant, such as Mina's plan to keep a journal, Mina's knowledge of the three suitors before she meets them, Lucy's health at various points, and such details. Why things make it in or don't can still be interesting to discuss, but I just don't interpret them as ever holding some key that will unlock a secret hidden in the rest of the book. Whether that be about relationships or events.

[failing-to-write-again]

Does anyone else have vastly different appearances in their head for you in the different routes? Like I day dream a lot, like a lot a lot it's why I post sometimes it's when the fear overrides the need to word vomit.

TW: mentions of abuse, depression and just general fucked up. It's the diaboys there's only so much you can avoid mentioning

Ok so I'm gonna write out a brief description of what always stays the same in these day dreams. I play around with them being human or something else, normal or like assassin's or stuff like that. But there's a few things that generally stay the same. They're all Afab, with she/her pronouns just because I create women a lot in my head but you could easily gender swap them as I'm focusing on personality and general vibe the appearance I describe I think is easily able to fit on different genders or have a same vibe equivalent.

Shu

I've always felt Shu would match well with someone who deals with depression or anxiety, more so less severe cases as two sleep all the time to avoid having to face life people do not make healthy relationships. But someone who has some degree of understanding while also having a better hold of themselves as humans are getting better at learning how to help manage depression. Shu is old and I'm pretty sure he's not bothered to learn much about the modern world aside from sleep/comfort, music (that's a stretch mp3s are not used as much as phones also that bitch would absolutely be a waterproof wireless earphone hoe), and probably porn.

I think a natural leader type person would also suit. I know in theory it sounds antithetical to the s/o with depression but hear me out. I deal with depression but also due to my own personality step into organized positions as I want things done to avoid stress. I really see an oldest sister would match him as it's someone modeling behaviors that to the best of my knowledge Shu was never against having. It was Reiji rejecting him and the triplets being kept away from him that prevented that dynamic setting itself up. I really think if an s/o could get Shu to work on himself he would be trying to be more brotherly. I think out of all the brothers Shu and Subaru are very likely to have a happier relationship with everyone. But they don't have the tools and are too stepped in their ways to navigate without help.

I think they would have to meet in school or something outside of being a sacrificial bride, maybe an actual exchange student with strict instructions of no harm coming to them. Diaboys set up a pretty unhealthy dynamic and since they go cruelty first, then fuck up so bad then realize they're in love that the types that would benefit them "best" would be gone or killed already.

Someone with a good sense or sarcasm would be great for Shu too. Couples who laugh together stay together. Plus a match for teasing would probably be something that leaves a grin on his face all day long.

Shu: "You should really wear a longer skirt in school, or do you want me to look up your skirt as you walk past. Heh, lewd woman"

S/o: [as they walk past] "Why risk breaking uniform code when I can just wear nice underwear under it instead, then I get two benefits"

S/o: [stopping just before turning down a corridor] "There's no rant from Reiji for breaking code and you end up showing off how desperate you are. Lewd man~"

Shu: [in love]

I don't think any super genius level of intelligence is needed but someone with a rounded view on things and a someone who is at least vaguely informed about what they talk about would be good. It avoids the annoyance of someone dense but also isn't so book focused it reminds him of Reiji.

Reiji

Speaking of the spectacled suitor. S/o has gotta be smart in some capacity not necessarily an encyclopedia but maybe good at Chemistry/Biology, or a good strategist. Bitch aims to be a control freak and a future king or, route depending, advisor to the King, so battle tactics would be attractive.

He'd be into the type of woman who doesn't overtly dress sexually. Pencil skirt or pants and blouse with some heels are a great look and can be sexual when you want to be sexual but also just well put together when you aren't looking to get railed on a desk. Except, of course, for when he decides to get handsy he realizes you decided to forgo any underwear.

Nipple piercings. He's definitely into them you can't fool me it's all that hidden succubus energy he finds attractive in a partner.

Past that he wants someone who isn't going to stress him out, someone to be a voice of reason, and someone to relax with.

I think someone chatty could be either great or awful for him. On the one hand he seems so adjusted to over stimulation true silence may unsettle him but at the same time it may annoy him if he isn't interested in conversation. Same for the other side of the coin, someone too quiet would unsettle him cause he won't know what your thinking, but at the same time it might be nice to sit in silence and read.

I've always thought Reiji would want someone tall like 5'10-6'00 as they can't be taller then him because inferiority complex, but I firmly believe he's got a back that is prone to aches already so not having to bend far for kisses or hugs would be nice. Or better yet someone shorter than him but still tall for a woman, so wearing heels gets here to be like 5'11" to 6ft.

Reiji does like humor and spontaneity sometimes. I think a stiff lover would drain him, nobody wants to actually date themselves. Again the older sister type (stereotype I know) would suit, as generally older sisters are pushed to mature fast like he was, except generally it's not as severe as him and older sisters are statistically the most likely to have read about or been to therapy to undo some of the behaviors that aren't as healthy.

[Loud music or something playing]

Reiji: [going to stand up] I swear can nobody keep order in this house...

S/o: [Gently touches his hand] They've yet to make a crash and it's coming from Ayato's room. I say we turn on the record player to drown it out for now. It's not your job to be their dad Sweetness, and all your doing is giving yourself grey hairs

Reiji: [sitting back down] I suppose I could finish this chapter-

[CRASH]

S/o: [quickly stands up and starts to walk to the door, lots of heel clicking] I swear that boy has to ruin every quiet moment I can grasp for us. Wait there.

Reiji: [feels very loved for and is confused as to why that gave him a boner]

I don't think he'd enjoy a dom much but a switch who prefers to sub but isn't against them taking a more gentle lead (not the kinky shit he's into I don't think you'd actually get a whip near him in a healthy relationship).

Ayato

This bitch is tricky. Like I think with the except of Subaru the Sakamakis get worse the younger they are. I feel that's why the triplets never appealed to me they seemed harder to redeem. I could see Shu, Reiji, or Subaru potentially getting better with Reiji least likely but the triplets are... messy.

That being said I think Ayato is definitely going to have to be a least a little bit on the road to being more balanced by the time he meets this s/o.

An s/o who is modern would definitely appeal in my opinion. Video games, outfits, music all that good culture stuff that Ayato is a spectator not a player in right now. He is still old as shit and he hasn't got non...any friends so he doesn't have a lens to learn the culture, all he can do is watch.

Ayato is one of the highest sex driven characters in the games (he sleeps with Yui the most because it uses the underwear sprite almost every time they sleep together indicating it ain't just dreaming happening) I think that may be part possessive part teenage boy. So someone with an interest in partaking is probably important for drive balance. To be clear I don't necessarily mean sexy here, more so that giddy first time giggles type person. Someone who's excited to experience things with him.

That extends past the bedroom too Ayato was starved for activity as a child and is still as a teen so someone who knows what's fun and is happy to take him there is like perfect.

I do think Ayato's s/o will need to be a patient person as I feel Ayato going through therapy would mean a lot of breakdowns or tension in him that could lead to more arguments than potentially needed if they ain't a little patient for the smaller things. There is a difference between 'he demanded I make him Takoyaki then sulked when I reminded him we're equals in this partnership so I'll avoid escalating ' vs 'he has bitten me for talking to a guy, but to him that's just a display of love.' The second thing deserved a conversation then and there you don't avoid rocking the boat when it comes to dangerous behaviors folks.

[See Ayato with a hairbrush sitting cross legged with S/O in his lap] Ayato: So we don't like Jacob...

S/O: Well, Edward isn't exactly a catch himself but like c'mon he imprinted on a baby. Ayato: Beatrix and him were engaged from birth. S/O: Exactly.

Laito

Oh boy. Again needs to be starting therapy or unraveling what his mum did to him and what his culture has shaped him to be first.

Once done however I think Laito would want someone "normal." No baggage, or crazy lifestyle, or wacky habits. I think he craves something calm when everything has been so disordered growing up. I think it's why he likes crosswords, they're a weirdly normal thing in his weird world.

I think he needs someone with a lower sex drive then he displays in the games. A not uncommon trauma response from childhood sexual assault is hyper sexuality which seems to be why Laito is hyper sexual. I don't think that's him as a person, Shu would be high sex drive in how he talks but Laito seems very much to be shielding himself with sex not having sex for sex.

So yeah someone who isn't always in the mood, maybe they sleep naked but just because they want skin on skin contact. Maybe it's to feel his breathing better. But that sort of environment. Where the thing he's over sexualized: himself and women, become less sexual more intimate. He'll be thrown a bit at first 100%. But I think after cuddling while having his hair gentle played with or a shoulder rub he'll be welcoming this new part bodily expression.

Laito is smart, smarter than he gets credit for he's a manipulator with charisma to boot and I've tried a crossword they use a certain part of your brain that I do not use. I think he'd like someone who's not too dense but also I feel like he won't mind too much so long as they could hold conversation and read sarcasm.

He also would probably love a more modern s/o like Ayato. Imagine the shopping sprees!

S/O: [coming out of changing room] I'm really not sure about this dress on me Laito: It's the shade it clashes with your undertones, try it in a different colour. S/O: They don't have it in my size, that sucks. Laito: Why? fufu~ It's Chanel, she was a vampire just take a picture and I'll get the designer over to make you one tailored made. S/O: Are you sure? I don't know how close I want you being stuck to your dad, and all the weirdness you've mentioned. Laito: Oh please, as if he's bothered enough about the fourth in line.

Kanato

This one's hard man. Kanato, Ruki, Kou, and Azusa are some of the hardest to envision in a healthy spot tbh. So this Kanato is very ooc. Think: isn't talking to teddy even if he still carries it, has a better hold on his temper, isn't trying to kill you constantly... basically just not Kanato.

A baker or a cook would absolutely appeal, dates where they show him how to cook new treats could be fun. Also top tier tea parties man.

Potentially a singer, musician, or dancer could appeal as well with the shared interest of singing being there. If the jealousy Kanato has gets weakened a bit I think that could help him get past his "I sing cuze mum liked it" thing.

I also truly think Kanato is like Laito in wanting something normal after all the abnormal he's lived through.

sorry he's so short I seriously don't know what to write. I also do not want to curse you all with mega ooc Kanato discussion

Subaru

Subaru is by far the closest to being the same amount of traumatized some people I've met irl are. Issues still there with the whole punching walls in anger but the fact he seems to punch walls to avoid hurting people implies he is trying to work on himself but doesn't know how.

Subaru could meet his s/o as a sacrificial bride and I think he's the only one who could. If I remember his route correctly, he isn't nearly as sadistic in the reasoning for his biting, hes also like what 15, 16 looking? He is modelling the only behavior he's seen, and while that doesn't make it right it is less heinous than the others.

I feel the most profound importance for this relationship is someone who will not shout, someone with a healthy enough up bringing to view arguments as Subaru approaches them as entirely useless. He will probably still have tantrums at first but having someone entirely unwilling to let communication break down on their end will push Subaru to do the same.

Subaru also does not seem to actually want much at all. He just wants a break, poor thing. If the S/O were to be a sacrificial bride, I think he'd be the one to pull a run away. I don't see Karl caring much here, Subaru is just a consequence of his vile habits as far as Karl is concerned.

From there I do think it's just a normal therapist and probably turning the S/O to a vampire.

[S/O and Subaru in some nice meadow resting on a blanket by a stream. Think flowers everywhere under a gently warm sun.] S/O: I've successfully lasted a week without accidentally breaking anything! Subaru: HAHA! Well done but don't go expecting any prizes I could do that shit. S/O: Fair, your 3 year pin is coming up to. We should probably do something for it. Subaru: Well... there is one thing... [getting up to one knee]

Ruki

oh look what we have here. An endgelord.

Seriously Ruki infuriates me from a character point at times. They are meant to be somewhat foils to the Sakamakis, and for Ruki in particular his behavior is a mirror to Reiji and his ego is closer to Ayato but with Reiji type mannerisms.

So he likes reading, came from nobility but saw the absolute worse of humanity to then re-find a reason to care for others with his brothers. Ok cool, then he dies in an attempt to escape to then have Karl take pity on him and revive him as his subordinate. SO WHY DOES HE HATE POOR PEOPLE!?

Like whenever I sit down to think about it Ruki's sheer cruelty lines up with nothing other than abused children turn into abusers which is a dog-shit and wrong opinion. Like he doesn't have to be pally, he can be a kuudere, he can be jaded. But having him be so sadistic just makes him what he hated, a spoiled rich man taking joy in using his power over others.

But this is about suited partners. So for this fucker I prescribe what he wishes he was. Now this is the material worth much more work and maybe it will get that, I am currently uncertain.

So, let's be real that orphanage still existed after the Mukamis. So my little world I've made with all that maladaptive day dreaming I do. In that world just to show Ruki as not as above everyone as he thinks, his soulmate type S/O as well as some if not all the other S/Os were there either at the same time or sequentially. Ruki got his escape plan from the work of a girl he viewed as too stupid to pull it off, aka S/O. When the boys escape obviously torture happens to see if anyone knows anything, and the boys failed the escape. This is used by the S/O to advise her sisters to change course slightly.

They do escape and Karl realizes very quickly he got the less advantageous group in terms of strategy. He would more than likely approach these girls, maybe they stay human for quite a while but eventually do need to be turned for the pure sake of time.

So Ruki gets introduce when he comes to visit Karl to update on the whole Eve thing only to see S/O. Standing there talking with Karl as if you're equals as he's laughing at some comment. Karl introducing them as his right hand man so to speak. Seeing that you get to live with Karl and you glaring.

After some prodding due to jealousy causing him to take out his insecurities on you in the form of unwanted commentary, you snap. You openly call him out on his failings, how you are what he wishes he was and how you don't masquerade as the same tormentors that made both your childhoods hell.

Eventually (I'm not giving a whole slow burn fic away for free people), he gets whipped something bad. Having to face the fact that he is exactly what he judges in humans so much. I don't imagine many would forgive him, hence why S/O to me cannot be anyone other than such a strong person to have survived and still be so openly kind.

No dialogue here so I can pretend these all got fair treatment.

Yuma

So big boy farmer. His sadism doesn't fully track with me same as Ruki but Yuma has more redeeming character traits that offset the cruelty. He also seems to truly only carry out the Eden project due to loyalty to Karl, he is a fiercely loyal person.

As said for Ruki I love the idea of the Mukami S/Os being sisters from the orphanage. Yumas S/O would probably also have a strong sense of loyalty to Ruki's S/O. The main exception being her loyalty to Karl does not cause her to be in any way sadistic. While Karl is fully ready to drop kick a child the S/O does not see that behavior appropriate at all regardless of her vampire-ism.

Having to deal with pining for a girl who will not date him as he currently treats women may cause him to change for the sake of placating her sure. But once identities are revealed and Yuma learns that the reason the S/O is so anti-cruelty is due to the orphanage I think Yuma would be one of the ones more open to change. Like Ruki, the reflection isn't so nice once the glass was polished.

He just wants a farm and probably kids or dogs lets be real here.

Kou

Once again an edgelord. Who doesn't at all understand give and take as much as he harps on about it. I may have low enough standards to crush on these boys but a hypocrite is TOO LOW.

I'm sounding like a broken record here but a fellow orphan escapee S/O as the vector for Kou getting called out on his bs is great.

Also full on enemies to lovers vibes. One little head canon is what if the S/O at the request of Karl gave up an eye, the eye then enchanted for Kou. Having to stand across from someone who will not buy the excuse of his trauma being an acceptable reason to harm others. Because you lived through it all, if not worse and still gave up an eye free of charge because Karl had this protegee who was so sad about not having two eyes.

I think Kou's love would not start until near a century after. Having to see you again and again after the introduction, seeing how you and your sister's are Karl's jewels as you are so effective because of your humanity. He's prone to envy let's be frank.

But once he opens up to the fact he could change and be like you, maybe after having to work with you, he begins to warm up to it all.

Azusa

Azusa is one like Kanato that I am unsure if I know how to treat.

The love of pain of his would put so much emotional labor on an S/O that just isn't fair. The only relationship I would feel comfortable writing on would be a post therapy and self work Azusa who doesn't make masochism his main personality trait.

He is gentle in disposition so a gentle S/O would match well. Or maybe an extroverted S/O to bring him out his shell a bit, post masochism recovery.

Yeah if any Azusa fans read this and have ideas please write you own and sent it to me I am really curious of seeing this from the perspective on someone who has a connection to him.

[ilovesjamesbb]

Please Don't Leave Me (Pt. 15)

Bucky Barnes x Reader

Warnings: Mature themes, violence

3 months later and nothing changed. Y/n and Bucky went back and forth waking each other up from nightmares and trying to turn dreams into reality. Everyday it only seemed like their love got stronger. Bucky sat waiting for Y/n to come downstairs for the masquerade party. He put on a black suit with a black button up to match her black dress. He secretly loved matching with her. He wanted everyone to know she was his and little did he know she was thinking the same thing. He heard her walking down the hallway, her heeling clicking. He stood and turned around. She was the most beautiful girl in the world. 

“Aren’t you gonna tell me how good I look Sergeant Barnes?” I said innocently. I could tell he was frozen in his spot, his mouth moving up and down like he wanted to say something but couldn’t. I loved seeing him like this. I walked toward him slowly.

“I wore this for you after all.” I reached for his tie playing with the end. He closed his eyes. 

“Doll, you're killing me.” He breathed out. 

“All for you” I got closer. His hands went to my waste.

“I love when you get dressed up for me.” He said his eyes were raking up and down my body. I swear to god my knees went weak. 

“But I love it even more when I undress you.” His mouth now hovered over my pulse point. This was a game, we both knew it, and at this moment he was winning.

“Maybe you should just check that everything is in its place. I don’t want to look bad, you know?” I tried to take back the reigns. He smiled. His hands went to the zipper and slowly down my back.

“Here? All good.” His hands made it down to my ass.

“Here? Even better.” He squeezed eliciting a gasp from me. He thinks he won but he hasn’t.

“Lower.” I urged him. His eyes shot to mine but he just smirked. His hands went to my legs and I took one of them in mine. I led it down between my legs and he halted. 

“I feel like I’m missing something, maybe you should take a look.” At this point I knew I won. His hand caressed the top of my pussy and I knew he was drawn in like a moth to a flame. I put my hand on his shoulder and pushed him down. He kissed the side of my knee and my breath caught.

“Warmer.” I said my hand in his hair. His lips started to move further up my leg. I massaged his scalp. He was making eye contact with me the entire time, it all felt so erotic. 

“Warmer.” He started to push my dress past my waist and he put his hand on my lower stomach. I could feel his breath fanning over my bare pussy  and I grabbed his hair. 

“I said look, don’t touch.” His eyes rolled back in his head. 

“As I said, you’re killing me.” I smirked. 

“Please, doll.” He begged. I loved the way my nickname rolled off his tongue. I pretended like I was contemplating it. 

“Mmhm. No.” I began to walk away. 

“What-”

“We are gonna be late, Jame.” I smoothed my dress out and went to find the masks he got us for the party. I stopped when I saw the box on the table. It looked expensive. I touched the box and the gold lettering of the brand.

“I wanted us to match, I hope you like it.” His breath was so close to my ear. I opened the box and smiled, they were beautiful. 

“I love it. Can I put yours on?” I smiled. He leaned on the table so that I could reach his head. I placed the mask on his face and reached my arms around him, tying the expensive ribbon. His eyes never left mine. 

“My turn.” He said switching our spots. He did the same to me, eyes still never leaving. We looked at each other for a long time. I never wanted to leave this moment. 

“Are you coming?” He teased me. 

“With you? Anywhere.” 

The party was at full capacity. Tony always liked the dramatics. It was beautiful though. Nat, Thor, Clint, Sam, Bruce, Tony, and Steve stood close to the bar.

“I’m so happy you made it, you look hot.” Nat greeted us. 

“Not as hot as you. This red? To die for.” I took her arms looking her up and down. 

“If I don’t find a guy you better be taking me home tonight, Y/n.” She joked.

“You know my door is alway open Natasha.” I joked back. At this point everyone was staring at us. 

“What?” I asked. Tony's mouth was open. Steve just coughed awkwardly.

“Is that invitation universal?” Tony smirked. Everyone laughed. I placed my hand on Bucky’s chest. 

“I’m afraid not.” Everyone got back to their conversation and I felt Bucky lean down to me.

“You joke but know that you belong to me. Every part of you.” He said slowly.

“This game we are playing, is there a reward?” He asked. 

“What is it that you want?” I let out a shaky breath.

“To leave the door open and let the world know you are mine. I’ll fuck you so good that you’ll scream my name until nobody questions who you belong to.” I would literally let him do anything to me anyways. 

“Deal. But no one will ever know because you aren’t going to win.” I turned to face him.

“And what is it that you want?” He looked deep into my eyes. 

“I want to edge you. So many times and I want you to beg me for the release you’ll crave. The one only I can give you. I want to ride you until you come and then I won’t stop until you come again. I want total control.” I touched his tie and made my way to his shoulder. He brought his body flat to mine. I could feel his erection. 

“Game on.” He smiled. 

The party was in full swing and everyone took to the dance floor. Bucky and y/n started to dance next to Nat and Steve. Tony had brought Pepper. It was all so sweet. 

I loved when we were like this. I wish we could stay this way forever. Bucky and I were hand in hand and his other rested against my waist. The music slowly changed.

“I’ll go get you a drink. Vodka soda or a glass of red?” He said sweetly. 

“Surprise me.” I hummed. He walked toward the bar and I looked after him. I loved him so much it felt indescribable. My whole world stopped when I saw him. If he loved me even half as much as I loved him I knew I was the most loved girl on this planet. How did I get so lucky? 

He wasn’t the stars and the moon. You only see those things at night when it's dark, when the only thing in sight is black. He wasn’t the sun that shined through the day illuminating our bodies while I watched the sheets cover his perfect skin. He was the creases of my knuckles and the lines on my palms. He was the color of my hair and the soft skin over my pulse. He was the branches of blue veins and the blood that ran in them. He was part of me. Seared into my body that even if I couldn’t see it, even if I tore my eyes away, I could never escape him. I would always feel him. Down to the darkest trenches of my soul, he was always with me. 

I looked at the ceiling completely lost in my thoughts when I felt someone press their chest into my back. I smiled. 

“Back so soon, Bar-” My smile vanished as I turned around. 

“Wrong. Guess again.” Christian.

THE STUFF YOU"VE BEEN WAITING FOR

COMMENT:)

[theerurishipper]

This is going to be long so I can understood if you ignored it just see it as me venting my frustrations with her character. I'm just about done with her which sucks since I use to love her a lot. Sorry for sounding negative in this ask I sent you hope it wasn't a bother.

You've successfully swayed me into becoming a staunch supporter of Chat Noir; how audacious of you! Just kidding, of course. I now grasp your perspective regarding the complexities of Marinette's situation. In the past, I never delved into their dynamic and, admittedly, held some reservations about Chat Noir for frequently causing problems and adding stress to Ladybug's plate, a sentiment that seemed prevalent in the fandom and one I once shared.

Honestly, Season 5 was my breaking point. That episode where she powered down and tried to talk some sense into Gabriel? It made me see her in a whole new light. If it were any other parents, she'd be all action, no chat. But because it's Gabriel, Adrien's dad, there's this glaring bias, and it's been a massive letdown for me. She made her bed, and now she has to lie in it. It's not just Ladybug who's drawing my frustration but also her dedicated supporters. Some, who use Marinette who's age I assume to be around 14 often use her age as a shield. It's strange to witness this phenomenon in the Miraculous fan community, where her character's age is consistently invoked as an excuse. They seem to forget that she's a fictional character, brought to life through pixels and scripted character arcs. I've been a fan in various mediums, but the Miraculous fandom takes the cake for clinging to this age excuse. It's like they think 14 and the stress of her trauma are the ultimate get-out-of-jail-free cards. But hey, what else is new in the world of fandom, right?

Back when I was a ripe old age of 14, I did some growing up, and now at the age of 21, I can confidently say Marinette's actions don't resonate with me at all. I'm all about that honesty, and I can't see myself pulling off any of her shenanigans. I mean, why keep secrets in the first place, especially when you've been partnered up for ages? If we're in the same boat, risking our lives and all, it just seems unfair to leave the other person in the dark when we stumble upon something fishy. That's just basic BFF code, isn't it?

I had some optimism when Season 5 rolled around, but man, it just felt all kinds of wrong. There was something off about it, and Adrien... oh boy, he's like a completely different person from Season 1. I mean, he actually had some color in his skin – talk about a glow-up! He used to look so much happier as Chat Noir. Now, it's like he's tiptoeing around, walking on metaphorical eggshells.

And don't even get me started on the LadyNoir dynamic. It's like a trainwreck in slow motion, and it stinks. I mean, I've watched Totally Spies, and those characters, they had their own stuff going on, but they had each other's backs. It's crystal clear that Miraculous Ladybug is missing that camaraderie.

Her portrayal as a romantic interest, whether in or out of her superhero costume, has been notably lacking. In neither capacity does she appear to be a suitable match for Adrien, and her dynamic with Chat Noir has been fractured to an irreparable extent, leaving much to be desired.

This indeed raises a pertinent question – how can they be considered soulmates or destined for each other when the connection is this lackluster? Adrien seemed to have a more promising dynamic with Kagami than with our primary female protagonist. In Season 5, it appears as though they simply forced them together without genuine chemistry or compatibility. It's all about what he caters to her Marinette the star!

Her performance as a superheroine leaves much to be desired. I find myself questioning her role as the protagonist, particularly given the abundance of problematic situations within the show, many of which are left unaddressed. There's a conspicuous absence of meaningful connections with the victims, with only fleeting interactions following the vanquishing of the villain. The absence of emotional depth is striking. I can't help but wonder why she's the star of the show. There's a disturbing amount of abuse happening, and the lack of follow-up with victims is baffling. It's like they defeat the bad guys and call it a day, no emotional depth, nada.

Upon witnessing her actions in the finale, I reached my breaking point. She ranks as one of the most disappointing female magical heroines when compared to Bloom, Luz, and Iris from Lolirock. Her treatment of her partner left me deeply disheartened, and I remain uncertain about what her fans could possibly rescue to redeem her character.

Thank you for reading~

Feel free to vent, anon, it's never a bother!

I'm glad my points resonated with you! I'm not posting all this to try to change anyone's mind, but it is nice to see that people are considering what I have to say.

And I agree with a lot of what you have to say! I will say, though, that I don't really think Marinette is to blame all that much for Gabriel winning. It's not her fault that he stabbed her in the back. She gave him a chance and he ruined it, and that's all on him. And one more thing I sort of disagree with is that Ladybug doesn't form meaningful connections with the victims. I think it's rather unfair to expect her to form deep emotional connections with every single person she saves. Both Ladybug and Chat Noir do spend some time comforting the victims after the fights, but I think they can't be expected to stick around and solve every problem. I hope this doesn't seem rude, it's just my take.

But I agree largely with everything else! I especially like this point:

It's not just Ladybug who's drawing my frustration but also her dedicated supporters. Some, who use Marinette who's age I assume to be around 14 often use her age as a shield. It's strange to witness this phenomenon in the Miraculous fan community, where her character's age is consistently invoked as an excuse. They seem to forget that she's a fictional character, brought to life through pixels and scripted character arcs. I've been a fan in various mediums, but the Miraculous fandom takes the cake for clinging to this age excuse. It's like they think 14 and the stress of her trauma are the ultimate get-out-of-jail-free cards.

This is so right. Like, Marinette is a 14-year-old, but that isn't really an excuse? It's an explanation and a valid one, certainly, but it's not an excuse. At any rate, it's not the fact that she's making mistakes that's the problem, it's the fact that she never seems to learn from them. I admit this is a writing issue and Marinette is, at the end of the day, the mouthpiece for the writers, but it does not help me connect with her like I used to. Using her age as a constant excuse does not fly after a certain point of time.

At the end of the day, whatever Marinette does is portrayed as the right thing to do, and it makes it more obvious than ever that she's not a real approximation of a 14-year-old. She's a character in a children's cartoon who serves as the writers' mouthpiece, and whatever is coming from the writers' is some weird ass shit.

And I also very much agree with your assessment of the Ladynoir dynamic. It really sucks how low it's fallen. It was a major draw of the show for me, and now it's been reduced to nothing, all to prop up the least interesting side of the square. It's too bad.

Thank you for your ask!

[bumblebeehug]

God, she loves him

NaLu fanfic

Summary: Lucy loves Natsu so much.

Ao3 link (that I think will work, not as an actual link but to copy and paste into your search engine) : https://archiveofourown.org/works/44694328

God how she loved him.

They were just hanging out in the guild, as usual, when she came to her realisation. Lucy had finished up an interview with Sorcerer Weekly, now a bit tired from also having done two minor jobs. She had accidentally said yes to Jason when he called late at night a few days ago, at the moment not remembering that the date was occupied by not only one, but two jobs. Wendy and Erza wanted to go on a quest that could satisfy their sweet tooth - not an easy task when Erza set her mind to it, and Natsu had made her agree to killing a smaller monster that had been pestering an old woman’s garden. Though these missions may sound like easy jobs, they have a tendency to become more complicated whenever Fairy Tail is involved.

Yes, Lucy was tired, but she was still happy. Erza and Wendy baked a wonderful cake that they shared with her, the old lady was glad to have her garden safe and sound, and Jason had pitched a great idea for his article thanks to Lucy’s tips and support. Making the people around her would never get any less satisfying, no matter how much she did it.

At the moment Lucy was sitting alone at a table close to the bar. She had left her book at home, and most people were already heading home for an early weekend. Across the guild hall Warren and Max sat deep in conversation, and a few metres away Natsu and Happy were singing some old nursery rhyme. Seeing how some of the older men were shaking their heads, they probably weren’t getting the lyrics right, but when they sang so confidently no one had the heart to stop them.

As the singing died down, Lucy got a good look at her two best friends. They often resembled father and son in Lucy’s eyes, even if they tried to act like strictly best pals. Because despite their unconditional friendship, their bond couldn’t be described with those words. They didn’t cut deep enough. Yes, Natsu was a good friend to Happy, but whenever they calmed down she saw affection deeply grained in his eyes. The way his smile softened around Happy, and the way his sharp eyes got a soothing gaze - they were nothing else but fatherly love.

   Lucy knew Natsu could get insecure with how he had raised Happy. At his young age, raising a baby became a game of trial and error, which he understood when he got older to be less than optimal around such fragile creatures. Plus, being abandoned (even by accident) by his own father at a young age, meant that he never felt quite sure in his parenting methods. Luckily Fairy Tail stood by his side during these years, and despite the ups and downs that came with living this life, Happy became a wonderful exceed. Lucy hoped Natsu knew what a wonderful life Happy had led thanks to him, because he had put so much effort and determination into giving Happy a safe and, well, happy life.

Lucy found Natsu completely remarkable. The man had been through hell and back multiple times in his life, and always came out smiling. Truthfully, Lucy might just believe him to be invincible. He had lost very few serious battles during all the years she had known him. Sure, a match against Makarov, Gildarts or Erza was practically never a win, but she had this feeling deep within her heart that made her believe that if he ever met an opponent their strength or stronger, Natsu still wouldn’t lose. He’s the strongest mage Lucy can think of - his physical strength might not be the strongest in the world on its own, but combined with his beastly magical capacity and his never ending flame of love and determination, he could be deemed unstoppable.

   What impressed Lucy the most was the way he had grown to be this way all thanks to his own mindset. One could be abandoned by their father and end up in a dark guild or begging on the streets, but Natsu wandered around until he got found and taken in. One could be ridiculed for their naive and childish ways and fall into a depression, or get filled with copious amounts of rage, but Natsu didn’t. He has always used that to his advantage, making enemies confused, or he has used these traits to joke around and make friends with the most unexpected people (Gray might be an exception to this - if Gray ridicules him, Natsu meets him with a fist). And the list goes on! People can go bad from losing their parents right in front of them, they can go bad from watching loved ones die right in front of them, etc etc, but Natsu always bounced back brighter and stronger. It was the most attractive thing about him in Lucy’s opinion. Well, almost.

Lucy couldn’t properly describe Natsu without mentioning his love for his friends and his guild. She had long suspected that the one true magic was love, but it was made so clear when she met Natsu. When she tagged along to Mt. Hakobe in order to find Macao, she saw it with her own two eyes - Natsu was always fighting for all of his friends. No matter what the fight was or who he was up against, he carried all of his friends on his shoulders, and with time and effort they grew, along with the love he had for them. The fact that Lucy was even counted for when they were fighting the Macao-vulcan, made her question his sanity sometimes. The boy who had expressed nothing but annoyance at her when she tagged along, still swore in his name to protect those he cared for - no matter how much they bugged him. Because at the end of the day, Natsu had still picked Lucy up in Hargeon, and that was to him enough reason to fight for her.

   Natsu’s love was like nothing else in the entire world. Lucy knew she shared the sentiment with the rest of the guild, who all in some way had seen his complete love and trust for the guild in action. She knew this, but sometimes she thought that being his closest companion, she had probably seen it a bit more vividly than the others. Lucy felt Natsu’s love every second with him. She felt it when she fell asleep on her writing desk and woke up in her bed the next morning. She felt it when they were outside and Natsu put his arm out in front of her whenever he heard something slightly suspicious. She felt it when she found post it-notes on the fridge with apologies for eating something she had bought, or with promises to go grocery shopping for her the next time she had to go out. His love was radiant in every waking action - actually, let’s rephrase that; in every action, awake or not, because she never forgot the times he would sleep in her bed and unconsciously make room for her when she got in, and she never forgot the times he’d give her more of the blanket when her temperature seemed to go down.

Natsu loved loudly and greatly, and for that Lucy loved him even more. She truly loved it all, his pink soft hair that he styled in the morning with the heat from his hands, his unruly, expressive eyebrows that always showed all his emotions like an open book, his deep, dark, loving eyes that could look so fierce and so tender, his adorably crooked nose that twitched when he smelled something nice, his sharp but welcoming smile that could hold the anger of a dragon and the softness of a father all at once. She loved his body that protected, carried and fought for his guild, and she loved his silly choices of clothes that had to be specially tailored. She loved his lighthearted personality that drew out the child in everyone he met, and she loved his amazing sharp fighting senses that not only made the jobs they went on easier, but also made them more fun than she ever knew work could be.

Dear God, how she loved him. And the best part? She would get to love him forever, because that’s the one promise she knows he’ll do anything in his power to keep. That’s what she loved the most.

[5eraphim]

Hiya!! Could i request a hc abt a yandere reader killing another survivor after they blinded/ threw a pallet on the readers crush?(killer)

With maybe ghostface the trapper and doctor?

Alright gonna be honest here, yandere readers really aren't my thing, so I apologize how short this is. But, I've been wanting to write more for dead by daylight for ages now, so thank you for the request anon!

Characters: The Trapper The Ghostface, and The Doctor

Rating: T

Content Warnings: Yandere behavior, violence

Song Inspo

The Trapper

Trapper decided to single out Mikaela, who stunned him immediately at the start of the match. Though, due to the nature of his traps, he had to take a detour to prepare his snares before he could adequately start a chase.

He was usually so methodical and collected, even when things got personal, and he signed a survivor out due to personal reasons like this. He was instantly distracted from this when he caught you, pinning Mikaela up against a hook directly across from where he stood as you used a decisive strike to slit her throat. Evan could merely stare in utter shock as he watched the young woman's lifeless body fall to the ground below as you watched her suffering with chilling apathy.

Before he knew what to do next, he watched you dash away. Sparing just a moment to give him a knowing smile, the very last he saw of you before the end of the trial.

Would have an instant "What in the name of God?" reaction.

No matter how hard he searched, he couldn't find you, despite a successful match, downing the other survivors with relative ease. It wasn't until after the trial that he realized you must've been stalking him throughout the trial, only risking being seen once to kill one of your own kind before slipping away once again.

Something about one of the survivors, the beings who were meant to be his prey stalking him. With such careful attention to detail, you'd managed to evade every trap he laid, felt bizarrely compelling. Indeed, it was a feeling like nothing he'd experienced in the Entity's realm before now.

He'd never in a million years assume this act of violence came from your love for him, nor could he really guess why you'd done it in any such capacity. Likewise, he couldn't understand you or why you were acting so differently from the others. Needless to say, Evan was more than interested in learning more about you.

The Ghostface

To say a situation like this was unfamiliar territory for someone like Jeb would be an understatement.

He was always so used to staying 3 steps ahead of his prey, keeping his eye on winning the endgame, but the moment he felt that pallet smashing against his face, he knew it was time for payback. So he dipped out of sight right away, focusing all his energy on dissolving into darkness.

He wasn't anticipating Feng's distant screaming from right around the corner to break his concentration. So, Jeb took this as his sign to cut to the chase and swiftly track her down. But he wasn't prepared for what he would see when he did catch up to her.

Rather than finding his victim fleeing in the other direction, he found nothing more than Feng's severed head in the center of the killer shack in a puddle of blood, separated from the rest of her body, which was slumped over and pushed up against a wall. The sight stunned him completely, momentarily freezing him in place. Then, as he drew closer to the corpse of the now decapitated Feng, he saw a message inscribed in the girl's blood written on the walls behind her.

"You've got me head over heels for you, love <3"

For a moment, Jeb hardly knew what to make of what he was looking at. There was a sinking feeling in Jeb's gut he might not have been as alone in the shadows as he predicted, and the idea there was another keeping just out of sight felt admirably thrilling.

Finally, a worthy opponent! Jeb felt you might've been watching him now, or at least he hoped so! It had been too long since he'd felt a real challenge in this realm, and he was all too excited to track you down and prove no one knew stealth and lethality like the Ghostface.

The Doctor

As easily the most sadistic of the three, he would likely be the most "charmed" by such a brutal display.

Herman's mind is a horrific mix of utterly deranged and eerily analytical. Yet, he is the type to instantly take note and feel a kinship with you upon learning about your more violent inclinations. Though he wouldn't assume you were motivated by love, but through more time spent observing you, he would detect something odd about your behavior around him you never displayed when around others.

He knew the instant he set eyes on the beaten and brutalized corpse of Meg, the survivor who tried to pallet stun him at the start of the match. You must've been the one behind this. Herman always knew you were a tougher fighter than the others, but he never would've assumed you had something like this in you! If he was captivated with you before, he is all the more so now.