#CAUSE I THOUGHT MY DAD WAS JOKING | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

erinwantstowrite · 8 months ago

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Halloween AU!!!

hey so. i put SOOOOO much effort into this au and for what? at least it ended up looking cool? anyways Halloween is my favorite holiday and i just HAD to make something for them!

i had a LOT of ideas for what everyone would be, but i really wanted to stick to a certain theme cause it's based around Halloween. i knew i had to have a vampire, werewolf, and a witch. cause like... obviously. iconic Halloween stuff!! but i took some liberties with everyone else and i think they turned out pretty cool!!

Jason was originally a fox shifter (which i still love and might draw art for some day) but i went with a bear in the end. is that because i thought about tiny bear cub Jaybin and wanted to cry? yeah. yeah it is. i KNEW Steph was going to be my werewolf though i started doubting myself when i went to draw her. turned out to be my favorite drawing on here which makes sense cause she is my light my love my daughter my will to live and all that jazz

Tim was actually gonna be a harpy but thank god i didn't go for that in the end. Duke was the one that was a bitch and a half trying to figure out BUT!! comments on the post asking what y'all thought led me towards Psychic so THANK YOUUUU everybody that commented!! (specifically those who thought of ghost!! Duke and Tim ended up being a perfect duo in this au)

Babs was pretty easy to figure out what I wanted for her. I read somewhere that they are seen as protectors of forests/ are considered spiritual authority figures and also.... she looks cool as fuck. Did not expect how easy it was to find a ref for a deer in a wheelchair though? I can never find the right hand or face angle reference but that was super easy???

For Bruce there was literally no question he HAD to be human. it's literally so funny that everyone who knows Batman thinks he's a spooky vampire but he's human. his first son, however?????? THAT'S the vampire. I knew Dick had to be a vampire too. A little nod towards that one comic run but in my au nothing bad happens ever 🥰 Damian also being a bat shifter is very on purpose because how funny is it that he's a bat man. Literally not a single person in the League thinks that Bruce is telling the truth about being human. Bruce you are NOT beating the secretly a vampire allegations.

adding in Jay's hilarious joke it's so fucking funny:

Alfred is actually a demon. I CAN NOT remember who made this post so if someone can help me find it, it would be appreciated!! because this was inspired by them!!! but somewhere i saw someone talk about Alfred being a demon that Thomas and Martha made a deal with (i think it was for an au idea?) and I just HAD to put it here. Alfred looks so human and everyone expects it, but he's definitely not. I put the ??? because it's so fucking funny. see if you can spot the 1 hint i put on his drawing that something is amiss!!

Peter is from an alternate dimension still, but it is not a world of creatures like him, it's just the same as LoF canon except Peter grew some extra limbs and eyes. He finds that it's actually pretty easy to fit in with the Waynes. Hard to feel like a freak when a guy can turn into a fucking bear, or your dad is a vampire, and the teenagers in the family are trying to summon ghosts or make potions.

additional doodles for this au:

i am still debating whether i am going to draw something for this au or write a oneshot, but i DO want to do something with these for Halloween

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ari-ana-bel-la · 3 months ago

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hiii how are you ?

can I request a dad Charles where his daughter tells everyone that she French instead of Monegasque (just like Arthur) and Charles is just losing it every time she says it

She's Monegasque, not French

It started innocently, as most things with toddlers do.

Charles was sitting in the Ferrari motorhome, his three-year-old daughter Yn nestled comfortably in his lap, her tiny hands clutching a crayon-streaked drawing of what she insisted was “Papa’s race car.” The sun was bright, the paddock buzzing with media and mechanics and laughter as the summer European leg of the season carried on in full swing.

And then it happened.

“Papa,” she said sweetly, tilting her head up at him, eyes wide and so heartbreakingly sincere, “I’m French.”

Charles blinked.

“Quoi?” he said, pulling back slightly, eyebrows lifting in gentle confusion. “Ma chérie, no, you’re not French. You’re Monegasque, like Papa.”

Yn looked at him, lips pursed, deep in thought. And then she gave a little shrug. “Non. I’m French, like Uncle Thur.”

Charles groaned softly and let his head fall back against the couch. “Not this again.”

From across the room, Arthur—lounging lazily in a chair, eating grapes like he was Caesar in a past life—choked on his laughter.

“I didn’t teach her that,” Arthur said through wheezes. “She came up with it on her own. Genius, really.”

“You encourage it!” Charles accused, pointing an indignant finger at his younger brother. “You always say you’re French!”

“Well, I am French,” Arthur said with a grin. “Monegasque passport and everything. And clearly, Yn has excellent taste.”

“Excellent taste in traitors. And Monaco is not France,” Charles muttered, pulling Yn closer as if cuddling her tightly would somehow absorb her back into Monegasque pride.

But it didn’t stop there.

No, Yn had decided. French it was.

She told the Ferrari PR team she was French when they asked where she was from. She announced it proudly to the camera when someone tried to film a cute moment with her and her dad. She whispered it solemnly to Carlos while sitting in his lap eating strawberries.

“Papa’s sad ‘cause I’m French,” she told Carlos.

Carlos, eyes sparkling with mischief, leaned in conspiratorially. “That’s okay, Princesa. I’m Spanish, and he still talks to me.”

“Does he love you?” Yn asked, dead serious.

Carlos blinked. “Yeah, I think so.”

“Then maybe he’ll still love me even if I’m French.”

Behind them, Charles face-palmed.

The drivers got wind of it quickly—because of course they did.

By the next day, the jokes were relentless.

“So,” Lando said at breakfast in the hotel, stirring sugar into his coffee like he was preparing to deliver a monologue. “Do I address her as ‘Mademoiselle Yn’ now or...?”

“She’s not French,” Charles groaned.

“She told my engineer she wants her birthday cake in the shape of the Eiffel Tower,” Max deadpanned, walking by and tossing Charles a sympathetic look. “Good luck with that.”

Even Seb, who was visiting that weekend with his kids, gave Charles a comforting pat on the back. “At least she’s not saying she’s German. Yet.”

And then there was Esteban.

“Oh, this is fantastique,” Esteban beamed, scooping Yn up in the paddock one afternoon. “You’re French, just like me!”

Yn squealed and threw her arms around his neck. “Oui!”

Charles practically melted into the tarmac. “Mon dieu…”

But it was Arthur who reveled in it most.

He started wearing a beret. A beret, for god’s sake.

One afternoon in the hospitality tent, he presented Yn with a baguette and a small fake mustache. “For my fellow French citizen,” he declared proudly.

“Merci, Uncle Thur!” Yn beamed, sticking the mustache crookedly on her nose.

“I am living in a cartoon,” Charles mumbled into his hands.

No amount of explaining helped.

“But Monaco is in France,” she argued one night while Charles tucked her into bed in the team’s motorhome. “It’s right there.”

“No, chérie,” Charles said gently, brushing her curls back. “It’s close, but it’s its own country. Like Papa said before, remember?”

“I like France better.”

He sighed and tried the next best tactic: bribery.

“If you say you’re Monegasque again,” he whispered conspiratorially, “Papa will buy you ten ice creams tomorrow.”

Yn narrowed her eyes, suspicious. “What kind?”

“Any kind. Strawberry. Chocolate. All of them.”

“Hmm…” she tapped her chin with exaggerated thought. “I still wanna be French.”

He clutched his chest. “Traitor.”

The situation hit a new peak during the Saturday driver briefing. Yn, accompanied by Carlos and Charles, had been allowed to come along briefly before things got official. She toddled in wearing sunglasses way too big for her face and a little Ferrari cap.

Yuki crouched down to her level with a big smile. “Bonjour, Mademoiselle Yn.”

“I’m French!” she declared proudly, striking a pose.

Yuki laughed. “That’s so cool! Then you must know that Uncle Pierre is also French!”

Yn froze.

All the drivers went still.

Charles raised his head slowly, eyes narrowing.

Yn’s nose scrunched up.

“…Uncle Pierre?”

“Yes,” Yuki chirped, unaware he was about to break the world’s most stubborn three-year-old. “He’s very French. Like super French.”

The silence that followed could have swallowed a pit lane.

Charles watched her face shift—concentration, confusion… and then determination.

She took off her sunglasses, turned to her father, and declared solemnly, “Papa. I’m not French anymore.”

Charles blinked. “You’re not?”

“I’m Monegasque now.”

“...Why?”

She folded her arms. “I don’t wanna be the same as Uncle Pierre.”

“WHAT?!” Pierre shouted from across the room, utterly betrayed.

Arthur was on the floor, laughing so hard he nearly cried. ��Nooo! The French alliance has fallen!”

Carlos, barely holding it together, whispered, “Monaco wins.”

Charles scooped Yn up with the biggest grin he’d worn in days. “You have made Papa so proud.”

Yn patted his cheek. “Do I still get ice cream?”

He laughed, hugging her tight. “You can have all the ice cream you want, mon amour.”

Behind him, Pierre was muttering in disbelief, “What did I do? What did I do?”

And from that day on, Yn was proudly, defiantly, loyally Monegasque.

Until next week, when she decided she wanted to be Italian because “Papa’s car is red like Italy.”

And Charles just sighed into his espresso.

♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♥︎♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡

Authors Note: Hey loves. I hope you enjoyed reading this story. My requests are always open for you.

-🩷🎀

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mochinomnoms · 3 months ago

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April Fools: Telling them you're pregnant as a joke

It's April's Fools! And you want to pull a harmless little prank on your boyfriend! Hmm, there's pretending to break up...no that's mean. There's moving all of the furniture in the house 2 inches slightly to the right...but that'd be too much effort. Oh, you got it! Get a fake pregnancy test and tell him you're pregnant!

Yes, this will be extremely funny and you can think of no ways that this can go wrong! But if you did it on the first, he probably wouldn't take you seriously, so instead you opted to do it the night before as you two were getting ready for bed.

"Hey sweetheart? I have something really important to tell you..." You took a deep breath, presenting the joke pregnancy test you got from the store and said, "I'm pregnant."

multi (randomly chosen) x gn!reader

[tw/cw} - sexual humor, crack, dumbassery afoot, some softer vibes, takes place post-graduation

[note] - technically you could consider this to be implied afab reader, but it's a lot funnier if we want to imagine mpreg instead loool. I thought it would be funny to write something for April Fool's and this is kinda sorta related to what I'm currently writing in the next chapter for 2-3-6? anyways enjoy this was funny!

Also the seven guys were chosen by a wheel spinner so yaaaay

Deuce

Glass shattered against the wood floors, Deuce dropping his cup of water, making you jump. Your eyes flitted to the glass and puddle on the ground, before footsteps made you look back up and yelp in surprise.

Deuce was right up in your face, hands grasping tightly at your biceps and squeezing.

"Really?" Deuce looked like he was about to cry, a trembling smile on his lips. "We're gonna be parents? Oh...we're gonna be parents, I'm gonna be a dad!"

You immediately felt your heart clench in guilt. He looked so happy, his hands cradling your face and fluttering it with soft kisses. You didn't want to disappoint him and tell him it was a prank, but you had to as he climbed over the bed to grab his phone.

"I gotta tell Mom!"

"No wait!"

Launching yourself on top of him, you swatted his hands away from the phone, though he managed to grab it. You two then wrestled in the bed, hands pulling at the phone as Deuce looked at you in confusion.

"Why aren't you letting me call her?" Deuce managed to one up you as he finally pinned you on your back, though your hands still tightly clenched to his phone like a lifeline. "Don't you want to tell her?"

"Cause it was a prank! For April Fool's" Deuce froze, letting go of the phone and staring down at you in distraught.

"We're not having a baby then?"

"Oh baby...no Deuce I'm not pregnant, I'm sorry." You finally managed to wiggle your way up to throw your arms around him, giving him a tight hug. "I thought you might have a funny reaction, I didn't realize you'd be so happy, I wouldn't've pulled this prank if I did."

"Oh...okay." Deuce returned the hug, hiding his face into the crook of your neck as he mumbled. "So...do you want to have a baby?"

"Only if it's yours." Pressing a kiss to his temple, you tilted Deuce up by his chin and gave him a smile.

"Let's go to bed, and talk more in the morning, yeah? I love you."

"Ha, okay." Deuce gave you a tender kiss in return. "I love you too."

Ruggie

"Oh gods help me." Ruggie looked as if he wanted to both kiss you, and puke his guts out. "I don't have baby money."

You took a deep breath and bit the inside of you cheek to keep you from laughing. This was a little mean. Okay actually this was really mean, but Ruggie was giving you some very funny reactions. So you decided to keep the prank going.

"It's okay Rugs, I have a little bit saved up, we can—"

"I think I have that bracelet set from graduation that I can sell. It's from Leona so it should give us good money." Ruggie rushed pass you in your small apartment to dig under the bed and grab a lockbox.

"Oh my—Ruggie you don't need to get our emergency—"

"We should start looking at thrift shops and the nearby market for baby clothes. I can ask Nana if she has any of my old stuff, I think she might still have my crib and bassinet."

You couldn't help the snort that left your mouth as Ruggie smacked his head on the bedframe, making him turn around to glare at you.

"Hey! No laughing, this is your fault!"

"What!" You scoffed, though giggles still escaped you as he tossed the lockbox on the bed and grabbed his laptop. "It takes two to tango dumbass."

"Yeah yeah! Look we gotta get prepared, they give you free stuff at a baby shower right? We should make a registry—oooooh, make sure Kalim gets it. He'll by everything and then some."

You were now full on laughing, watching as Ruggie concentrated on some website on his laptop. Looking closure, you noticed that he already was bringing up three different websites for registries.

"Pfft! Ruggie, babe, wait—"

"You're real close with Malleus, think if we make him the godfather, he'll hook us up with a bunch of stuff from the treasury—"

"Ruggie! Stop!" Cackles were escaping your mouth as you finally managed to slam the laptop shut. Ruggie looked on in exasperation and confusion as you threw yourself on his lap.

"Ha—snrrk—It was a prank! Oooh, you should've seen the look on your face—pppft! Ahaha!"

Ruggie relaxed, collapsing backwards into the bed, and rubbed his face.

"Oh thank the heavens. I mean, I would've stepped up no matter what. But I really mean it when i say I don't got baby money."

Jade

You think you got him this time. After years of trying to pull on on him every April, you think you actually got him this time!

You thought so, until Jade had smiled and brought out a second test from under the bathroom sink. Since when did he start keeping pregnancy tests?! When he handed you the test, telling you to take another, "Just to be sure".

You were backed into a corner now, you're positive Jade knew that this was a prank. And he was going to catch you red-handed when this test came back as negative.

Which is why you were now staring down at the second test, with two red lines indicating a positive result, in utter confusion. You were positive you weren't actually pregnant, but here you were. One fake, and one real test, telling you the same thing.

And Jade? He was just hugging you from behind, you sitting in his lap on the bed, smiling into your skin as he fluttered kisses down your neck.

"How exciting, don't you think so my pearl? What a surprise, it's a good thing we double checked with two tests, yes?"

"Yeah...sure..." You mumbled, still dazed as Jade's hands wandered under your shirt and kissed up to your cheeks.

"Yes, it's unfortunate..." Jade let out a wistful sigh as he squeezed you tight against him and murmured into your ears. "That they're both fake tests, hmm?"

"Huh? Hmm...aaaaaaaaaAAAAAHHH! YOU ASS!"

Jade couldn't help but let out a laugh as you started thrashing in his hold, your arms reaching behind to grab at him.

"Oooh? I thought you'd be excited, unless you were hoping to see me disappointed? My, my, how cruel you are to me, your love!"

Letting out a sniffle, Jade looked up at you from his eyelashes with a coy, sweet look.

"Such a cruel human..."

You groaned, turning your head to kiss his cheek and murmur, "I'm sorry Jade, I'll make it up to you, okay? Whatever you want."

Honestly, you should know better than you say things like that, as Jade quickly had you pinned underneath him, a manic grin on his face.

"Whatever I want? How generous of you my pearl!" Jade brought you up to be flush against him, pressing his lips against yours in a passionate kiss, a string of saliva breaking as you separated.

"Aaah~ Sure, sure, yeah. Whatever you want..." You replied in a daze, wincing as his hands grabbed at your stomach and squeezed.

"Then let's make sure we can get a real positive and let me fill you up, yes?"

"Yeah~"

Jamil

"Uh-huh."

You stood awkwardly behind Jamil as he continued writing in his journal, as he always did for the end of the day.

"Jami...did you hear me?"

"Yep."

He put his pen down, stretching until his back gave a satisying pop, and getting up to head to the bathroom. You followed in confusion and frustration as he just reached in the drawer for a brush and started loosening his braids.

"Sooo...you heard me say I was pregnant...right?"

You crossed your arms and started tapping your foot. Is this how he's reacting to the (fake) news? You just told him you two were having a baby, and he's just...brushing his hair? Ignoring you standing there, very obviously annoyed??

"I did."

Jamil paused, looking at your through the mirror, to which you gave him an expectant look. You're pretty sure you saw him smirk as he resumed, following through on his nighttime routine, all with you glaring daggers into him.

You stood there the entire time, watching as he finally finished, rubbing lotion into his hands as he turned to you, giving you an amused smile.

"Oh, were you expecting a bigger reaction?"

Scoffing, you put your hands on your hips and hissed. "Uh, yeah? I just told you we're having a baby, and you're acting like I just told you it's gonna rain tomorrow!''

Yeah, this might be a prank, but damn it! If this is how he was going to react to such big news, maybe you two needed to have a sit down and talk about—

Jamil grabbed you by your cheeks and squeezed, making you purse your lips as he grinned down at you. He clearly found your building rage cute and amusing.

"Yeah, well, word to the wise habibi, next time you want to pull a prank on me, make sure it's not through our shared shopping accounts. I got the delivery email for your fake test yesterday."

"Oh, fuck me!"

"Oh? If you insist. Practice for when we want the real thin—ow!"

Jamil started laughing as you pinched and poked at him, face furiously warm in both embarrassment and anger.

Vil

You swallowed nervously, giving Vil a small, shy smile as he stared down at you with displeased look. He'd just finished his routine for the evening, removing his gloves after letting his creams absorb into his skin.

"Darling."

"Yes Vil?"

"If you truly wanted to pull such a tasteless prank on me," Vil reached into his vanity, where he pulled out a opened box that looked very familiar "I would expect that you'd be smarter about hiding the evidence."

"WHAT!" You flew over to Vil and reached for the pregnancy test box, which he held just out of your reach. "I threw that away! How'd you even get that?"

"The housekeeper was taking out the trash and noticed the box, though she didn't read the back which clearly states that it's perfect for pranks. Poor thing was so excited that she called both myself and my father."

Vil smacked the top of your head with the box, clicking his tongue at you as you made a sound of understanding.

"Ooooh, she told Eric?"

"Yes she did, imagine both his and my own disappointment when she called back again to tell us that it was a joke toy." Vil sighed, though he relaxed into your touch as you wrapped your arms around his waist and kissed his cheek.

"Sorry sweetie, I just wanted to pull an April Fool's prank on you, I guess I didn't think—"

You gasped, startling Vil as you pulled his face down close to yours, despite his protest.

"Hey! My face cream is still—"

"You were disappointed?! Awwww, Vil that's so sweet! We can make a baby right now, come on sweetie~"

"What?! Nonononono, I just finished my entire routine, I'll have to start over—ACK!"

Vil was swiftly silenced as you both fell into bed.

Idia

With the way Idia was staring at you, you weren't sure if he actually heard you. He was just boring into you with those bright yellow eyes of his, you could practically see the gears turning in his head.

"Ah." HIs voice was meek, squeaky, and barely audible. So he did hear you!

Idia's eyes flickered down to the test in your hands, then back to your face, then back to the test, then back to your face.

Then he fainted.

Thankfully he fainted next to your bed, so after dropping the joke test in a panic, you scrambled to drag him onto the bed, reaching for Idia's phone to text Ortho to come check on him.

Though he was in the room not even a few seconds later, his eyebrows furrowed as he spotted Idia limp in your arms.

"Idia! What happened (Name)? I noticed that his blood-pressure dropped suddenly—"

Ortho's eyes dropped to the pregnancy test on the ground, though he narrowed them and stared at you. You could make out his eyes going blank as he scanned you.

"You're not pregnant! So why do you have—oooooooh! April 1st is in an hour!" Ortho gasped in realization, as you nodded sagely.

"Yep."

"And you're trying to prank him!"

"Uh-huh."

"And then he fainted!"

"I see!" You both remind silent, eyes flickering down to Idia who'd begun shifting awake in your lap.

"...Want to keep it going?"

"Oh absolutely Ortho! Wakey-wakey Idia~"

Silver

"Oh...how'd you get one of those in Briar Valley?"

Silver looked more confused that you had a pregnancy test at all than that it was a positive one. You faltered, popping you lips as you eyed him for a hint that he knew what was actually going on.

"These...aren't common here?"

"No, though perhaps that makes sense." Silver had a gentle smile as he took you into his arms and pressed your foreheads together. "Fae are able to sense these things rather quickly, Lilia told me that it's due to their scents changing."

"Oh! I forget that fae have more sensitive senses, I guess it makes sense."

You almost forgot the original question asked, as you brought back up and showed it to Silver.

"So what do you think?"

"Hmm? Oh about the baby." Silver's smile grew as he wrapped his arms around you, eyes closed in bliss. "It's wonderful, Father will be very happy, though I'm surprised that he didn't mention anything earlier at dinner."

You cursed in your head. Of course fae can sense these things, and it was starting to click for Silver.

"Love, what's tomorrow again?"

"...April 1st."

"As in April Fool's."

"Mmmmmaaaaaybe?"

A sigh escaped his lips as he looked at you in disappointment, though you also make out small laugh under his breath.

"Did Father put you up to this?"

"Surprisingly, no. Though I'm sure he'd be pleased that I'm putting thoughts of kids into your brain."

You laughed nervously, though relaxed as Silver pressed a kiss to your forehead and guided you to bed. You both slipped under the sheets facing each other to wrap your arms and legs together in an embrace.

"Hmm...I wouldn't be opposed." He murmured, your breaths mingling as he was quickly falling asleep. "I think it would be...nice...if it's with you."

You hummed in content, letting Silver tuck his head under your chin and pressed a kiss to the top of his head.

"I think it would be nice with you too."

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tgcg · 1 year ago

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an open fly walking

i didnt like this one but i thought id finally air it out since its been sat in my folders for months now

TG: hey karkat

CG: YEAH?

===

TG: you ever noticed you like

TG: walk weird

CG: WOW, OKAY.

CG: HAVE *YOU* EVER NOTICED THAT I DON'T GIVE A SHIT?

TG: pff

===

TG: no listen because i got my ears scoping that shit im like a scouter for dude activity

TG: ok maybe me mentioning it to you is gonna fuck up your ecosystem or something but

TG: you have the heaviest feet of the century man

CG: I DO???

TG: just thrust them straight down into the ground like youre trying to homebrew a san andreas fault

TG: viciously tamping on tectonic plates hoping for top score on the richter scale

TG: waging war against solid particles and the basic flow of gravity

TG: i could ID those footfalls out of a million i mean it

CG: SERIOUSLY?

===

TG: i mean theres nothing wrong with it but

TG: yeah

CG: I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU'RE FUCKING WITH ME RIGHT NOW.

TG: im not fucking with you striders honor

TG: when have i ever lied to anybody about anything

CG: NOT UNPACKING THAT QUESTION WITH YOU TODAY.

CG: BUT SHIT, HOLD ON. LET ME SEE.

TG: yeah take the umbrella go over there and just walk to me

CG: ON IT.

===

TG: see you just kinda slam em straight down dude

CG: THIS IS THE WORST DAY OF MY RIOTOUS FUCKING JOKE OF A LIFE.

TG: dont your feet ache

===

CG: MOOT POINT. THIS MIGHT SOUND INSANE BUT I'VE ACTUALLY HAD MY STRUT PODS FOR A WHILE. ANY KIND OF PAIN THIS WOULD'VE BEEN CAUSING WOULD BE TOTALLY FILTERED OUT OF MY SPONGE BY NOW AS BACKGROUND NOISE.

TG: damn i didnt think that through

TG: my shades

CG: ALRIGHT, GET BACK UNDER THE SHITTING UMBRELLA AND THINK ABOUT WHAT YOU'VE DONE TO ME.

TG: look ive fucked myself over here too i dont have shit to clean these with

TG: ugh

===

TG: guess its karma

CG: HOLY FUCK. HOW DID I NEVER NOTICE THIS BEFORE?

TG: i dunno but im gonna assume having a dad thats a literal crab monster is probably a contributing factor

TG: im guessing thats not a great role model for this kinda thing

TG: just conjecture i mean

CG: YOUR ENVY IS OVERWHELMINGLY OBVIOUS DAVE. AS A DISCLAIMER, HE WOULD'VE ABSOLUTELY KICKED YOUR ASS.

TG: yeah probably

CG: THAT'S PRETTY MUCH ALL THERE IS TO SAY ON THE MATTER.

===

TG: but see bro had me stringent on feather feets

TG: i bet i could slip across a bike horn warehouse with nary a fucking toot

CG: HAHA. ASSUMING YOU DON'T MAKE A TOTAL ASS OF YOURSELF, AS PER USUAL.

CG: IF YOU WEREN'T CONSTANTLY RUNNING YOUR GASH ABOUT EVERYTHING AND BEING AN INIMITABLE CLOWN I SERIOUSLY THINK YOU COULD BE ON PAR WITH YOUR CUSTODIAN.

CG: THAT IS A MONUMENTAL "IF".

TG: well look at it this way

TG: im basically doing you all a favor by being a dumbass

TG: never gonna get caught off guard by the bozo patrol

CG: WOW. GOOD POINT.

===

TG: also screw this can i use your shirt

TG: this stupid hoodie is just smudging my lenses up

TG: i cant see dick

CG: UH

CG: SURE, I GUESS.

TG: cool

===

TG: so yeah i could be prowling around like a goddamn verbal assassin sniping convos left and right

TG: but no ive got the decency to go bunp in the night

CG: YEAH.

CG: IT'S DEFINITELY COMPOUNDED BY THE CONSTANT INANE RAMBLINGS.

CG: BUT

CG: IT'S ACTUALLY PRETTY RELAXING, Y'KNOW? IT HAS ITS OWN RHYTHM.

TG: see yeah i sound it off and

===

TG: wait really?

CG: YEAH

CG: I DON'T KNOW

CG: FUCK. HOW DO I EXPLAIN THIS WITHOUT WANTING TO CRAM MY FROND DOWN MY PROTEIN CHUTE.

===

CG: IT'S LIKE

CG: A SALVE FOR MY AGGRAVATION SPONGE.

CG: YOUR VOICE IS THE HUMAN EQUIVALENT OF ASPIRIN.

TG: uh damn karkat hold your hoofbeasts i was talking about the rhythm thing

CG: ALRIGHT, THAT'S IT. I'M TAKING US BOTH THE FUCK OUT RIGHT NOW. YOU HAVE REACHED THE BAD END OF THIS CONVERSATION.

TG: you think thatd be heroic or just

CG: IF I WAS STILL GHOSTING AROUND THE RUINS OF SGRUB'S ARCANE FRIGGIN GAME SYSTEMS, THE COMPLETE LACK OF SHIT AFOOT NOWADAYS WOULD BORE ME TO DEATH.

CG: LIKE. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME OUR THERMAL HULL LEVELLED UP, DAVE?

TG: hah

===

TG: but uh

TG: i mean we had aspirin on earth

CG: NO, NUMBNUBS.

CG: I'M SAYING YOU ARE MY ASPIRIN.

TG: oh

CG: YEAH, TAKE THAT TO THE BANK AND SHOVE IT UP YOUR 20-KARAT ASS.

===

TG: heh

TG: well get this

TG: i will literally talk at you forever for free

TG: you got lifetime priority seating for the davealogues

TG: never gotta go to the drugstore again you can just get doped up on my dulcet tones for the rest of time

TG: take that and some of this

TG: im packin punches

CG: OW, FUCK! NO! MY MIGRAINES!

CG: SWEEPS OF VEINCLOTTING AND NERVEFRAYING DOWN THE FUCKING GAPER. BECAUSE OF YOU.

CG: YOU ASSHOLE, THIS IS THE WORST THING THAT HAS EVER HAPPENED TO ME.

CG: AND YOU'RE LAUGHING.

TG: chuckle up it only gets worse from here

===

CG: BE HONEST WITH ME. DID FONDLING MY SHIRT IN THE MIDDLE OF THE STREET EVEN DO ANYTHING?

TG: barely but yknow sometimes you just gotta deal the cards youre given

TG: ill just be astigmatic for a while its cool

CG: PFF… OKAY MAN.

#davekat #dave strider #karkat vantas #homestuck #comix #an open fly walking

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