#Celery the Guide

[gods-of-kanto]

Could we be let in on the plan or would that ruin the plan? Genuinely just want to help. 😭

If there is a way, we're gonna buy them as much time as possible.

Before, you all were able to keep it's attention on you before it wanted something new.

Find a way to distract it again. Knock at it, call to it.

Just DON'T Aggravate it.

If it gets angry, there's no telling what it will do...

And if that happens.

Be careful this time okay? I know Pepper didn't want this, but if it helps them just a little, it's a risk I'll have to take.

@churchofyolk @howaboutsomeketchul @qpjat076 @actualvolga @maxtheirisagent @hoopa-is-hoopa @askcflo-dragon-the-earthghidorah

[appetibilis]

On Wellbeing, Pinzimonio and Panzanella... Open Celery! Plant-based food lovers fear not, here're some easy tips for summer vibes + picnic foods

[liviawildrose]

𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐮𝐥𝐭𝐢𝐦𝐚𝐭𝐞 𝐤𝐢𝐭𝐭𝐲 𝐜𝐚𝐫𝐞 𝐠𝐮𝐢𝐝𝐞 𝟏𝟎𝟏

listen up, pookie your kitty (yes, her) deserves to be treated like royalty. she works overtime for you, keeps you feeling good, and deserves top-tier maintenance. if you’ve ever wondered how to keep your girl fresh, healthy, and thriving, then sit back, grab some tea (preferably one that benefits her—more on that later), and let’s dive DEEP into the one and only guide you’ll ever need on vaginal health, hygiene, and overall reproductive wellness.

taking care of your kitty isn’t just about hygiene, it’s about honoring your femininity, connecting with your body, and embracing your divine energy. when she’s healthy, fresh, and balanced, you feel more confident, radiant, and in tune with yourself. a well-cared-for kitty enhances your sensuality, self-love, and overall well-being, making you feel empowered in your femininity. it’s an act of self-respect and self-care, a ritual that reminds you that your body is sacred. when you nurture her, you’re not just maintaining hygiene, you’re cultivating a deeper connection with your womanhood and stepping into your most powerful, feminine self.

1. internal care: what you put in is what you get out.

your kitty is a self-cleaning queen, but she still needs your help to stay in her best shape. what you consume directly affects her smell, taste, moisture, and overall health. let’s break it all down:

🎀 water is your bestie

first things first “drink your damn water, babygirl.” if your kitty has ever smelled a little “off,” felt dry, or just hasn’t been vibing right, chances are you’re dehydrated. dehydration leads to:

• stronger vaginal odors (not the good kind)

• increased risk of infections

• dryness and discomfort

how much should you drink? at LEAST 2-3 liters a day. and if you struggle with drinking plain water, add:

• lemon (helps balance pH)

• cucumber (hydrating AF)

• mint (cooling & refreshing)

🎀 lemon water = ph queen

starting your day with warm lemon water is a game changer. why?

• it flushes out toxins

• it helps balance your vaginal pH (prevents infections, odors, and irritation)

• it keeps your skin glowing (bonus win)

make it a daily ritual, and your kitty will thank you.

🎀 tea time = kitty care time

certain teas work wonders for your vaginal health. here are some of the best ones:

• ginger tea → reduces inflammation, fights infections

• red raspberry leaf tea → strengthens the uterus, great for periods

• chamomile tea → reduces bloating & period cramps

• green tea → full of antioxidants, helps with vaginal odor

sip on these daily and watch the magic happen.

🎀 probiotics: the real MVPs

your vagina needs good bacteria to stay healthy, and probiotics help maintain that delicate flora balance. if you’re prone to yeast infections, BV, or UTIs, adding probiotics to your routine is non-negotiable

best probiotic sources:

• greek yogurt (plain, no added sugar!)

• kimchi & sauerkraut

• kombucha

• probiotic supplements

🎀 best food for your kitty

pineapple

watermelon

strawberries & berries

coconut water

citrus fruits (oranges, lemons, limes, grapefruits)

plain yogurt (probiotic-rich foods)

cucumber

celery boosts pheromones and gives a clean, light scent.

ginger & mint.

pheromones are natural chemical signals your body releases that can subconsciously attract others and enhance your sensual presence. they play a huge role in sexual attraction, confidence, and even how people perceive you. the more balanced and active your pheromone production, the more naturally alluring, magnetic, and desirable you become.

foods to limit or avoid (can cause strong or unpleasant odors)

asparagus

onions & garlic

red meat

too much dairy

excess sugar & processed foods

alcohol & coffee

2. external care: keep her fresh & clean (but not TOO clean)

your kitty is a self-cleaning goddess, which means less is more when it comes to washing. over-cleansing, using harsh soaps, or douching = disaster. let’s talk about how to properly care for her.

🎀 washing: gentle, gentle, gentle

• use only warm water to wash your vulva (external area)

• if you need a cleanser, pick one that is pH-balanced and fragrance-free

• never wash inside your vagina (she cleans herself)

avoid:

• anything scented (no bath bombs, no perfumes, no harsh soaps)

• douching (throws off your pH and causes infections)

🎀 menstrual care: keep it fresh

your period is not dirty, but you need to maintain proper hygiene:

• change your pads/tampons every 3-4 hours

• if using a menstrual cup, sterilize it before and after each cycle

• wear breathable cotton underwear during your period

• drink iron-rich teas and foods to replenish nutrients

during your period, your body is already working hard to clean itself, so you don’t need to scrub down excessively. instead:

wash with lukewarm water & a gentle pH-balanced cleanser

avoid harsh soaps, fragrances, or douching — these strip your natural protective bacteria, making you prone to infections.

if you need a quick refresh, use unscented, pH-balanced feminine wipes (no alcohol, no fragrance!)

pads & tampons – change every 4-6 hours to prevent bacteria buildup. leaving them in too long can cause bad odors, irritation, and even infections.

menstrual cups – empty every 8-12 hours, wash with mild, unscented soap, and boil between cycles for proper hygiene.

drink 2-3L of water daily – helps flush out toxins and reduces bloating.

eat fresh fruits (pineapple, watermelon, oranges) – these keep your kitty’s natural scent light & sweet.

take probiotics (yogurt, kimchi, kombucha) – maintain a healthy vaginal pH & prevent yeast infections.

avoid too much caffeine, alcohol & processed foods – these can make you smell stronger and increase cramps.

drink herbal teas (ginger, chamomile, raspberry leaf) – these help relax muscles & ease cramps.

do light movement (yoga, stretching, walking) – keeps blood flowing & reduces bloating.

apply a warm compress or heating pad – this soothes your uterus & relieves pain.

take magnesium & vitamin B6 – these reduce cramps & mood swings.

cut down on salt & sugar – excess sodium & sugar make bloating & cramps worse.

🎀 underwear game: cotton only, babes

ditch the synthetic panties and switch to 100% cotton. why?

• it’s breathable

• reduces sweat buildup

• prevents yeast infections

also, sleep without underwear when possible, let your kitty breathe. (i don’t wear at home at all lol)

🎀 yoni steams: ancient but powerful

yoni steaming is an old practice that helps:

• cleanse the vagina and uterus

• balance hormones

• improve circulation

• relieve menstrual cramps

how to do it:

1. boil water and add herbs like mugwort, lavender, and rosemary.

2. sit over the steam (like a chair with a hole or squat over it but please don’t burn yourself, pookie).

3. let the steam cleanse and refresh your kitty for 15-20 minutes.

subliminal for yoni (listen whenever possible)

3. maintaining, tightness & strength

a strong kitty = better bladder control, better sex, and a healthier reproductive system. let’s talk about keeping her snatched and healthy.

🎀 kegels = tight & right

doing kegels daily helps with:

• stronger orgasms

• bladder control

• postpartum recovery

how to do it:

• squeeze your pelvic muscles (like you’re stopping pee)

• hold for 5-10 seconds

• repeat 10-15 times

do this every day, and you’ll notice a difference.

how to do kegels exercises?

pelvic exercises for women

🎀 waxing, shaving, or au naturel?

how you groom is completely your choice, but here’s the tea:

• waxing → lasts longer, reduces ingrown hairs

• shaving → quick but can cause irritation

• lasering → best long-term option, reduces hair permanently

• natural → totally fine but at least trim it time to time and clean it nicely to avoid any odour or infection

🎀 wipes: do we love them?

YES—but only the right ones.

• fragrance-free

• pH-balanced

• alcohol-free

use them after sex, gym sessions, or when you need a quick refresh.

4. sex & post-sex care: protect, cleanse, and glow

listen up, pookie—what happens in the bedroom affects your kitty’s health. whether you’re getting spicy on the regular or once in a blue moon, proper aftercare is a MUST. neglecting this step can lead to infections, irritation, or discomfort, and we don’t want that, do we?

always, ALWAYS pee after sex

i don’t care if you’re tired, cuddly, or just feeling lazy—get up and pee. this flushes out bacteria that might have entered your urethra, preventing UTIs (urinary tract infections).

wash her up (gently)

• rinse your vulva (external area) with warm water

• if needed, use a mild, fragrance-free cleanser

• pat dry with a soft towel—don’t rub! (also keep a separate towel only for her) (her means your vagina)

does pineapple really change taste?

yes and no. diet does influence how you taste down there, but it’s not just about pineapple. your diet plays the biggest role in how you taste. the goal is to eat foods that are light, fresh, and naturally sweet.

• sweet, hydrating foods = milder, pleasant taste

• too much processed food & dairy = stronger, unpleasant odor

foods that help:

drink at least 2-3L of water daily – keeps your juices light, clear & fresh.

add lemon or cucumber to your water – natural detox, makes your fluids lighter & more neutral.

drink coconut water – packed with natural electrolytes & lightens your natural taste.

chlorophyll water = internal deodorizer – helps your kitty and cum stay fresh & clean.

pineapple, mango, strawberries, watermelon – these are nature’s candy and make your cum sweeter & fruitier.

oranges, lemons, grapefruit – full of vitamin C, which neutralizes strong odors.

apples, grapes, kiwis – naturally sweeten your fluids.

cinnamon, honey, vanilla – add natural warmth & sweetness to your juices.

cucumber & celery – high in water & help flush out toxins, keeping you light & clean-tasting.

mint & parsley – natural breath & body fresheners.

sweet potatoes & yams – help maintain a balanced, natural sweetness.

foods to limit:

onions & garlic or strong spices

too much red meat and processed

alcohol and coffee

excess dairy

🎀 protect your pH: condoms matter

raw is fun and all, but if you’re not in a committed, tested relationship, you NEED protection. unprotected sex can:

• throw off your vaginal pH

• increase risk of infections (BV, yeast, UTIs)

• expose you to STIs plus girl you don’t wanna get pregnant especially if you’re not committed

if condoms make you itchy or irritated, you might be allergic to latex switch to non-latex condoms instead.

5. infections & odor: keep things fresh & problem-free

let’s be real sometimes, your kitty acts up. you might notice a smell, unusual discharge, or irritation. this is your body talking to you pay attention!

what’s normal vs. not?

your vagina has a natural scent—it’s NOT supposed to smell like flowers, vanilla, or candy (despite what some brands try to sell you). HOWEVER, extreme changes in odor can be a sign of something off.

when to worry:

❌ fishy odor → bacterial vaginosis (BV)

❌ strong, foul smell → possible infection

❌ yeasty, bread-like smell → yeast infection

🎀 infections 101: yeast, BV, and UTIs

(please go see a gynaecologist)

yeast infections

• symptoms: itching, thick white discharge (like cottage cheese), redness

bacterial vaginosis (BV)

• symptoms: fishy smell, grayish discharge, irritation

urinary tract infections (UTIs)

• symptoms: burning when peeing, constant urge to go, lower belly pain

6. gym, sweat & hygiene: stay fresh all day

your kitty is working overtime when you’re sweating it out at the gym. here’s how to keep her fresh, dry, and happy:

🎀 gym tips for vaginal health

• wear breathable cotton underwear or moisture-wicking fabrics

• change out of sweaty clothes ASAP

• wipe down with pH-balanced wipes after workouts

• carry baby wipes for quick fresh-ups

7. pregnancy, birth control & hormones: long-term kitty care

your reproductive health is more than just hygiene. hormones, birth control, and pregnancy all play a role in vaginal health.

🎀 birth control & vaginal health

obviously there are so many different types of birth controls like hormonal birth controls like pills, shots, etc. even non-hormonal birth control like using of condoms, copper iud etc. all of them have their own set of advantages and disadvantages so please please please chat with your dermatologist which is well suited for your needs and body

🎀 pregnancy changes everything about your kitty—expect:

• increased discharge (normal, but should be clear/white) and even month long periods (my mom faced this)

• higher risk of yeast infections

• vaginal stretching (kegels help postpartum recovery!) ask your gynaecologist when to start cause possibly your vagina tears during parturition (delivery)

8. womb care

whether you’re planning to have kids one day or just want to keep your reproductive system strong and healthy, taking care of your kitty and womb right now is one of the best things you can do. think of it like preparing a garden: the healthier the soil (your body), the better the flowers (your future pregnancy and baby). even if you’re not sexually active yet, you can build a strong, fertile, and balanced reproductive system so that when the time comes, you have an easy, smooth pregnancy and a strong, healthy baby.

your hormones control everything. your period, ovulation, fertility, and even your mood. keeping them balanced now will make pregnancy much easier later.

eat hormone-balancing foods

• healthy fats: avocados, salmon, olive oil (support hormone production).

• leafy greens: spinach, kale, broccoli (flush out excess estrogen).

• seeds: flaxseeds, pumpkin seeds, sesame seeds (help regulate your cycle).

reduce stress

• high stress = high cortisol, which can mess with your fertility.

• try meditation, journaling, or long walks to calm your nervous system.

limit processed foods & sugar

• too much sugar can cause hormonal imbalances & irregular periods.

avoid plastic food containers & BPA

• these contain chemicals that mess with your hormones & fertility.

tip: try seed cycling (eating specific seeds during your menstrual cycle) to keep your hormones naturally balanced.

maintain a balanced vaginal pH (3.8-4.5)

• drink water with lemon to help detox & balance your system.

• take probiotics (yogurt, fermented foods, or supplements) to maintain good bacteria.

• avoid harsh soaps, scented products, & douching—these strip away natural protection.

practice proper menstrual care

• switch to organic pads or tampons (regular ones have chemicals that disrupt vaginal health).

• if using a menstrual cup, clean it properly to avoid infections.

protect your womb

• avoid sitting on cold surfaces for too long (cold affects circulation to your uterus).

• practice yoni steaming with gentle herbs like lavender, rosemary, & chamomile to cleanse your womb.

EAT FERTILITY-BOOSTING FOODS

• avocados → full of folate, which is essential for pregnancy.

• eggs → contain choline, which helps with baby brain development.

• berries (strawberries, blueberries, raspberries) → full of antioxidants that protect your eggs.

• walnuts & almonds → improve egg quality.

• leafy greens (spinach, kale, broccoli) → rich in iron & folate.

DRINK WOMB-FRIENDLY TEAS

• raspberry leaf tea → strengthens the uterus & prepares it for pregnancy.

• ginger tea → reduces inflammation & improves blood flow to your womb.

• nettle tea → full of minerals to keep your reproductive system strong.

AVOID FERTILITY-KILLERS

too much caffeine (it affects egg quality).

alcohol & smoking (lower fertility & harm future pregnancy).

too much processed food (affects your hormone balance).

START TAKING PRENATAL VITAMINS EARLY

prenatal vitamins aren’t just for when you’re pregnant—they help prepare your body years before conception.

folic acid (B9) → prevents birth defects & supports healthy eggs.

iron → prevents anemia & strengthens the uterus.

vitamin D → improves fertility & hormone balance.

omega-3s (DHA & EPA) → support baby’s brain & eye development.

final words: love your kitty, and she’ll love you back

babygirl, your kitty is a queen and deserves royal treatment. stay hydrated, balanced, and mindful, and she will always be fresh, tight, and healthy.

this guide? your new bible. bookmark it, re-read it, and share it with your besties. your kitty care era starts NOW.

[fuckingrecipes]

Utilizing Ingredients You Have On-Hand: 

When choosing what to cook next, prioritize perishables. The stuff that’s going to go bad quickly. Berries are at the top of the list, followed by Meats, Fleshy Fruit & Vegetables (tomatoes, mango, peppers) and Milk, and then Eggs & Hard Vegetables (potatoes, squash, radish, etc.)

If it's in the fridge, it's on a timer. If it's in the freezer, you've got a lot more time.

But FR! What if I don’t know any recipes that use what I have? 

Go hunting, you beautiful bastard~  https://www.supercook.com

Supercook allows you to list off all the ingredients you have on-hand, and it will find recipes which use ONLY those ingredients.

If you make an account, it should save your ‘Pantry’ list, so you can come back to it again later. 

There’s a bunch of ‘Use what I have to make recipes!’ guides on the internet, but I love how granular ‘Supercook’ gets, and how it doesn’t ask you to pay to use its database. 

You can enter a ‘Key Ingredient’ to focus on using up something (Like if you’ve got too much celery and need to use a lot, quickly) - AND you can select what type of dish you want to make (Main dish, side dish, dessert, etc.) so you can quickly filter out the billion cookie or sweetbread recipes. 

It also tells you WHAT you’re missing, so you can tell at a glance if it’s something you actually don’t have, or if it’s something you just forgot to add to the list. 

--

Write Down the recipes you love so you can always find it - even if the site ever goes down or that recipe gets removed. 

If I’ve learned anything from watching the Internet evolve, it’s that you can NEVER trust a website to continue hosting your shit into eternity. They always die eventually. Save your important shit as a physical object that you can hold in your hand.

- If you have a LOT of perishable vegetables that are reaching the limit of their lifespan, that’s when you make soup or stir-fry.

IN CONCLUSION:

Prioritize Perishables

Use Supercook to find recipes to use up stuff that might go bad soon, or ingredients you have a lot of.

Write down the recipes you like to save them foreverrrr

[vibewithma]

Man of God

Modern Sinners Au!

Preacher Boy/Sammie x Black Church Girl!Reader

Friday rolled in slow and warm, sun slipping through the trees like it had nowhere in particular to be. You had your music low and your windows cracked as you drove Pops into the city. He gave directions the whole time like you ain’t been driving him.

“Take this left here nah, this one,” he muttered, hand waving out the window like it was guiding the car itself.

You smiled, biting your tongue. “Yes sir.”

You let him out at his old friend’s house, watched him do that slow shuffle up the walkway before turning to Doris in the passenger seat. She had her handbag clutched like it held secrets and prayers, lips pursed in anticipation.

“You ready, Granny?”

She smirked. “I was born ready.”

Next stop: the shop.

Y’all strolled through the aisles like it was a military operation Doris on a mission, you just trying to keep up. Into the cart went elbow macaroni, blocks of sharp cheddar, buttermilk, bags of flour, pounds of catfish, whole chickens, pork chops, sage, celery, sweet potatoes, marshmallows and more.

You blinked at the growing mountain. “Granny…you feeding the church or hosting a revival?”

Doris didn’t miss a beat. “It’s called preparation, baby.”

“Granny, everybody knows you can cook. You don’t have to compete with Sister Lorraine—”

Doris stopped dead in the spice aisle, turned to you like she just heard blasphemy. “You think David wanted to fight Goliath?”

You blinked. “Huh?”

She tilted her head. “Sometimes God gives you the stones to prove the fool wrong.”

You stared and she tossed Old Bay in the cart like it was one of those stones.

What she didn’t say and what you didn’t notice was that somewhere between the yams and the sugar aisle, she’d slipped red food colouring and cream cheese frosting ingredients into the cart. You clocked it at the checkout too late.

“Granny…” you sighed, watching the cashier bag the cocoa powder. “You really brought cake stuff?”

Doris grinned, all teeth. “Your red velvet could raise the dead. I just want folks to remember it before that Lorraine woman’s banana pudding clouds their judgment.”

You groaned but smiled. Deep down, you kinda liked being part of her legacy mission.

As you loaded up the trunk, a familiar low laugh rolled across the lot.

“Miss Doris?”

You both turned. There stood two tall, broad shouldered young men in faded hoodies and gold chains Elijah and Elias Moore. Smoke and Stack.

Doris waved them over like they were kin.

“Well if it ain’t the troubled twins!” she called, grinning ear to ear.

They laughed, walking up like they’d been summoned by heaven and gossip.

“You still callin’ us that, Miss Doris?” Smoke asked, leaning in for a quick side hug.

“You ain’t grown outta it yet,” she quipped back, patting his back. “This is my granddaughter, Y/N.”

Stack gave you a glance over and smiled, dimples showing. “Heard a lot ‘bout you.”

“From who?” you asked, lifting a brow.

They both looked at each other and smirked.

“Our little cousin,” Smoke said.

“Talkin’ ‘bout you like you got wings,” Stack added.

Your stomach flipped. You already knew who they meant.

Sammie.

“Lord have mercy,” you mumbled under your breath, grabbing the last bag and shoving it in the trunk.

Doris chuckled. “Mmhm. Y’all behave now. I got food to beat people with love this Sunday.”

“That’s a holy competition,” Stack said, tipping his chin at you.

You laughed, shook your head and slid into the driver’s seat while Doris said her goodbyes.

As you pulled off, you glanced in the rearview to see them still grinning and waving.

“You think they really troubled?” you asked.

Doris just said, “Baby, everybody troubled. Question is what are they doing with it?”

Back at home, the whole house buzzed like a beehive on sugar water.

Doris wasted no time putting everybody on assignment like it was the Last Supper and she was personally feeding Jesus and his disciples.

“Lenny!” she hollered from her recliner. “You head back to the city and get them fancy cutlery sets from the Dollar General the gold trim ones. Not the silver. Silver look cheap.”

Your dad sighed but grabbed his keys. “Yes ma’am…”

Your mama was already at the kitchen counter, sleeves rolled, head tied, muttering ingredients like scripture.

“If I cut the onions now and leave the greens soaking overnight, we can be cookin’ by 2 a.m. sharp…”

Dawn was on the living room floor, wrangling Doris’s bob wig like it was trying to escape. “Granny, why it got so many pins in it?”

Doris peeked over her glasses. “That’s security, baby. That wig ain’t movin’ through praise and sweat.”

Dawn held it up to show you. “It’s been through war.”

You just laughed and kept bagging the groceries.

Then Dawn pulled out the aprons, fresh from her sewing machine, each with big bold letters on the front in gold glitter vinyl: Miss Doris Made It.

One for Granny. One for your mama. One for you. One for Dawn.

“Now we uniformed,” Doris said, nodding like this was an army.

Your job?

“Go pick up your Pops. And make sure he don’t stay out late talkin’ to them old fools.”

“Got it.”

Except… it didn’t go exactly like that.

You pulled up to the house and sure enough, there he was. Pops in a lawn chair with five other men, all in matching button downs and dad hats, drinks in hand, playing some version of dominoes meets poker you ain’t never seen before. They were yelling, laughing, slapping the table like kids who just got recess back.

You stepped up to him, hands on your hips. “Pops. Time to go.”

He looked up and smiled like he hadn’t heard a thing. “One more round.”

“Pops…”

“You can wait. Go sit in the car. We’ll be done soon.”

You narrowed your eyes but turned on your heel. “You better not be here past midnight or I’m tellin’ Granny you was out here drinkin’ ‘apple juice’.”

You slid into your car and leaned back with a sigh, phone in hand. You hit FaceTime and Dawn picked up immediately.

On screen, she was modeling Granny’s wig like it was couture.

“Girl,” you cackled, “why you look like you about to direct a funeral and star in the BET biopic about it?”

“Shut up,” she grinned, flipping the camera to show the apron. “But tell me this ain’t cute. Granny said she wanna debut it during offering.”

You were mid laugh when knock knock came soft on your window.

You screamed. Dawn screamed on FaceTime.

You turned.

And there he was.

Grinning like sin in sneakers Sammie, standing outside your car like he’d just strolled outta a dream and into your Friday night.

You unlocked the door with a sigh. “What in the left behind sequel are you doin’ here?”

He slid into the passenger seat smooth, settling in like he belonged there.

“You always this jumpy?” he asked, kicking his feet up just a little.

“You always sneakin’ up on girls like a villain in a Lifetime movie?”

He chuckled low, rubbing his palms together. “Nah. Only when they owe me.”

You raised an eyebrow. “Owe you?”

“Mmhmm.” He leaned closer, eyes glintin’. “I still ain’t got my gas money kiss.”

You rolled your eyes but your smile gave you away. “You really gon’ keep bringin’ that up?”

He shrugged, relaxed and grinning. “If the Lord bring it to remembrance…”

You shook your head. “You play too much.”

“And you like it.”

Silence settled for a moment, soft and comfortable. The street was quiet, the cicadas hummin’, his cologne floating easy between you.

“You look real cute when you bossin’ folks around, by the way,” he added. “Saw you earlier, hand on your hip like a deacon’s wife.”

“You stalkin’ me now?”

“More like… admirin’ from afar.” His voice dropped a note lower. “A very appreciative afar.”

Your cheeks burned and you looked out the window, but you were smiling.

“Mmhm. You want a kiss that bad, Sammie?”

He bit his lip, leaned closer, voice warm as butter on cornbread. “I want whatever you feel like givin’ me.”

Right then, your phone buzzed again. Dawn still on FaceTime, mouth open and shooketh.

“I’m still here!!!” she whisper yelled. “I heard everything!”

Sammie just laughed and leaned back, stretching out like he had all the time in the world.

Sammie leaned back in the seat, arms crossed behind his head like he had nowhere to be but right there, teasing you into sin.

On FaceTime, Dawn was staring at him like she was seeing a ghost in sneakers.

He raised a brow and smirked at the screen. “Hey Dawn. Heard you got yourself on house arrest”

“…Hey.” She blinked. “Boy. Not me.”

“I heard Miss Doris said you got one more ‘practice’ lie in you before she drag you by the ear to confession.”

Dawn sucked her teeth. “It was one time.”

“One too many.” He chuckled. “I’m prayin’ for your freedom, though.”

“You do that,” she snapped, but even she was trying not to laugh.

You cleared your throat and hit the end button real quick. “Bye, Dawn.”

“Wait, wait, wa—” click.

You turned and Sammie was watching you with a look that made your stomach do a backflip.

“What?” you asked, trying to act casual.

“You jealous?” he grinned, voice dipping low and mischievous.

You arched your brows. “Boy, what?”

“Got rid of her real fast.”

You rolled your eyes, arms crossed. “She was bein’ loud. And rude.”

“Mmhmm.”

You shot him a look but he was already smirking again, turning the air into tension thick enough to cut.

It went quiet for a beat, but not awkward. Just slow, warm… charged.

“Can’t believe you still want that gas money kiss,” you murmured, shaking your head.

“Oh, I want it.” His voice was velvet. “But not ‘cause of the gas.”

“Oh?”

“I just like seein’ you flustered.”

“Flustered?” you scoffed, even as heat crept up your neck.

He leaned in, close enough to catch your breath.

“Yeah… right about now,” he murmured, and you realized he was only inches from your face.

Then his fingers gently touched your chin, tilting your head up not rough, not demanding. Just steady. Sure.

You blinked, breath hitching. He was so close now you could see the gold flecks in his eyes, the curve of that smug little smile.

You leaned in, just a little, barely.

And he grinned.

“Ain’t gon’ kiss you without consent,” he whispered, playful but sincere, voice dipped in reverence. “I’m still a man of God, baby.”

You froze, lips parted, caught somewhere between a curse and a prayer.

He pulled back like nothing happened.

“Be right back,” he said, already opening the door. “Gotta go fetch my uncle before y’all call search and rescue.”

And just like that he was gone, leaving the door swinging open behind him and your heart tap dancing like a gospel drummer.

You sat there in the driver’s seat, jaw dropped, breath stuck in your throat, heat creeping up your chest.

Man of God, huh?

Lord have mercy…

Taglist:

@cosmicautomatonshark @fanfictiononly4 @pinkpantheris @andthatsonmaryhadalillamb @sweetalittleselfish-honey @bleufu1 @fruitypatooties-blog

[boycrazygirllover]

psst... we got more adrian chase recently... he does have a new haircut

YOU SHOULD EXPECT NOTHING OF ME!

That being said... enjoy cutting Adrian's hair.

-

"It's awful. Oh my god."

"What?" His hands rake through the sides, the very recently fucked up sides, like he's a New York greaser. "Nahhh."

His tone, earnest even while he's actively looking in the mirror, almost has you believing him. But then he turns his head and you see the side where your scissors dug too far into his hair, a fucking chunk gone, and reality sets in. 

“It’s concave.”

"Yeah, you could spelunk down here. I love it."

"It, you're not taking this seriously." You scoff, chewing the inside of your cheek, trying not to absolutely freak out. Is glue a stupid idea? A clip-on bang? “How do you feel about wigs?”

"Mm," he hums, mussing up the front of his hair, "I prefer lace fronts, but I feel like a hat wig would match my Fennelsona better—”

“Your what?” He'd given it thought?

He checks himself out from the side, catching your eye in the reflection. “Honestly, I could go shorter. Should we go shorter?"

His fingers pry the scissors open, round-tip craft ones that are beginning to rust because he never fully dries them after washing, just closes and lets the water eat the blade.

"Stop it."

You reach for the scissors, more gentle and less defensive than you would’ve been if you weren’t two and a half years into your relationship with him. He turns around, and in one swift movement, grabs his front curl, one of your favorites (because you do have favorites), and snips far too close to the root.

“Wh—! Oh, my god.”

“The feeling of the hair cutting, it’s like chopping celery, but if celery was as thin as hair. See?”

"That doesn't even make sense." You're starting to drown. The urge to exert complete control. The inability to do so.

The unmistakable sound of scissors snapping. Another curl.

It falls to the floor, keeping its "C". It's the very one you wrap around your finger when he's out of the shower. Is it crazy to tape it inside your definitely-non-existent scrapbook of him? 

“It's just hair,” he says, with hair so short it defies gravity.

“It's your hair.”

You can’t keep the look of mild disgust off your face. He resembles a barbie doll in the hands of a six year old. You think he'd take that as a compliment if you said so.

“I'm glad you cut it. My hair, I mean.” Like there was anything else that could mean. “You wanna cut more?”

He snips the scissors at you, waving them a touch too loose for your liking. 

“I’m so okay.” You're really, really not. And the understanding that you're really really not makes it even worse. Why are you so sensitive? Why is indifference so unattainable?

Adrian turns back around to the mirror, crouches lower to meet you where you are, and with that sick, perverted, kind, achingly thoughtful glint in his eyes, and a soft wet kiss to your temple, he guides your hands to chop off another curl before you can even think.

"No fuckin' biggie."

You pinch the outer leg of your jeans. If he says it's no biggie, then maybe it is. Maybe you have to trust him.

"No biggie."

[roostersgirlfriendlovesf1]

i'll look after you | charles leclerc

prompt: everyone close to y/n is worried. she doesn't eat or drink enough and those are two extremely important things, especially this weekend. she will be racing in qatar at all time high temps. most worried is her best friend and teammate lando and secret boyfriend charles leclerc

warnings: discussions about not eating/ taking care of self, angst, fluff, cursing, injury, throwing up?, fear, fluff

No one expected Qatar to be so hot. Y/n stepped off of the plane, sweatshirt and sweatpants immediately causing her to sweat. She put her sunglasses on. “Who would’ve thought it would be this hot in the morning?” 

Her teammate Lando Norris responded, “Not me.” He pulled at the front of his black t-shirt. She wiped the sweat off of her forehead before climbing into a car.  “Hey.” He tugged on her sleeve to get her attention.

“Yeah?” She looked away from the window. 

“Are you alright?” He frowned. “You’ve just been off. You seem tired and-” He looked down at her figure, “have you been eating enough and drinking? If it's this hot on Sunday you’re gonna need to be fully nourished.”

“I’ve made the weigh-ins every weekend, so don’t worry, I’ll get us points.” She snapped.

“That's not why I’m worried.” He shook his head. “I want you to be alright.” 

The start of the weekend had been more peaceful than usual. Media had less sexist questions, the car felt good, and y/n had been more open to eating. She kept her head down as she went to her first meeting after FP3. She sat across from her trainer as he slid her a vegetable plate across the table. “Eat.”

“You’re wasting my time.” She glared at him. “I thought this was an actual meeting.”

“It is.” He nodded. “I need you to eat and drink as much as possible these next few days. This race is going to be so hot, you’ll lose a lot of water and a lot of weight. I know how serious you are about your racing and with your lap times these past three practices you have a good chance at qualifying front row.”

She sighed, staring down at an unappetizing plate. 

“Just take it to your driver's room with you and take a cold shower.” He pleaded.

“Okay. I will.” Y/n agreed. As she stood up her phone pinged. 

Charles: Come to my room?

                                                           Y/n: Sure.

She managed to subtly sneak herself into Ferrari hospitality and into Charles’ drivers room. “Hi.” She smiled shyly.

“Hi.” He hugged her before kissing her lightly on the cheek. 

“Lucky, you’ve gotten to shower.” She smelled his freshly washed hair, a comforting smell. She watched him as he glanced at the plate of food in her hand. 

“Let's eat.” He smiled, grabbing the plate from her and placing it on a table, ushering her to sit. 

“I’m not very hungry…” She breathed. “I would really love a shower though.” 

“We’ll shower after I see you eat a bit.” 

She took a bite of celery with hummus. Charles brushed a piece of her hair behind her hair, his movements so faint it tickled. He had convinced her to eat a few more vegetables before she decided it was time to wash herself off. He stood up with her, hand on her waist, ready to guide her to the bathroom. “Is it okay if I shower alone?” She whispered, touching his hand. “I’m just really tired and I need a cold shower and I know how you feel about those.”

Excuses to keep him away. “That’s fine.” He smiled. She smiled back at him, a hint of a sparkle. “Can we talk about something after you get out?”

“What is it?” Her smile flickered.

“M’just worried about you.” He cupped her face in his hands. “This is going to be a tough race.”

“Why are you acting like I can’t do it?” Y/n shook her head, feeling betrayed.

“It’s not that you can’t do it! It’s that you’re not taking care of yourself!”

“Whatever, Charles.” She rolled her eyes. “I’m going to shower and I hope you clear your head while I’m in there.” Y/n washed herself, feeling a relief as the cold droplets of water relieved her hot skin. Her head drooped as she tried not to fall asleep cleaning her face. She slowly pulled on a white blouse with jean shorts, easing them onto her achy limbs. She pulled her hair into a braid, knowing the heat outside would dry it within minutes. Charles had passed out on the couch, y/n tiptoed around looking for her shoes.

“Baby…” He mumbled, slowly waking up, “Where are you going?”

She placed a quick kiss on his lips. “I’ve got to go get some sleep before qualifying tomorrow.” 

He grabbed her waist before she could walk away. “I thought I was bringing you to the hotel.”

“Charles.” She tensed.

“What?” He sat up, offended.

“I’m stressed and the idea of us being seen together makes me even more stressed.”

“What's that supposed to mean?” Charles’ brows furrowed.

“I didn’t mean it like that and you know it.” 

“Are you sure about that?” He frowned.

“I have to go. I love you and I’ll text you later.” She walked away, shooing off his insecurities. 

The next day, Y/n had made it to Q3 and was starting in third the next day. She was disappointed she didn’t make the front row, but shrugged it off. Lando had pulled her into a hug before she hit the media pin. “Congrats!” He rubbed a hand on her back.

“Thank you.” She hugged him back. 

“You’re very hot…” He moved his hand to her face. “Here, take the rest of my water.” He forced it into her hand, knowing she didn’t drink water enough throughout the day.

“Thanks.” She accepted it, immediately taking a sip. Lando's eyes widened, surprised at her immediate acceptance. She stood outside the media pin and chugged Lando's water, searching for a cooling feeling. She felt a cold towel brace her neck and groaned at the relief. She turned around to see who had applied it and watched as Charles winked before entering the media chaos, no hard feelings from the night before. She followed shortly after.

After an hour of answering cryptic questions, denying answers about her personal life, and bragging about her grid-place she was able to escape. Charles waited for her to get out of meetings and strolled next to her. “Can I come to your room tonight?” She asked.

“Trying to distract me from the fact you’re starting a place behind me?” He joked.

“Just nervous…” She fiddled with her rings. “And you always help with my nerves.”

“Of course you can come to my room, Y/n.” He affirmed. “Always.” A wave of relief flooded over him when he realized he could monitor her closely. 

Y/n walked down the hall to his room and knocked on the door. It was quickly opened and she was greeted with a kiss on the lips and a glass of water. “It’s freezing in here.” She shivered. 

“Sorry.” He wrapped a hand around her waist. “Y’know who I saw today?” He looked down at her.

“Who?” She held eye contact, his watercolor eyes gleaming. His eyes grounded her onto this earth. 

“I saw Daniel after qualifying.”

“How is he?”

“He thinks he might be given the opportunity to take over De Vries’ position at Alpha Tauri.”

Her eyes widened. “Jeez.”

“Yeah it’s rough.” He shook his head. The couple continued their chit chat as y/n slowly tucked herself into his bed. Charles sat on the other side of the bed, pulling out a carton of strawberries. “Here.” He gestured her to open her mouth and slowly fed her the fruit. 

“God, that's good.” Her eyes fluttered.

“You need to request some for your room next time.” He smiled. Her mouth formed a line as she delved deeper under the covers, turning the lamp on her nightstand off. She kept her eyes closed for a couple of minutes before feeling Charles’ arms wrap around her. She nuzzled her face into the nape of his neck. “I love you.” He mumbled.

“I love you too.” 

Y/n pulled on a Mclaren shirt and a pair of jeans. “Fuck.” Charles cursed. “What is it?” She folded her collar before checking on him.

“It’s going to be over 100 degrees in that car tonight.”

“It’ll be fine.” She shrugged.

“Do you know how hot that is?” His face was deadpan.

“I’ll figure it out.” She joked.

“No. You’ll drink water and you’re going to eat breakfast with me so I know you eat before the race.”

“Calm down.” She folded her sleeping shirt, breathily laughing.

“This isn’t a joke you could seriously get hurt.”

“Okay.” She played along with his seriousness.

Charles had watched her eat breakfast before they got to track and he had to say his goodbyes. They did their pre-race ritual together. She hugged him, racing suit tied at her waist, his tied the same way. “Be mindful today.” He whispered into her ear. “Be safe.” He reaffirmed.

“You too, Charlie.” She kept a hand in his hair. 

“I have to go.” He kissed her quickly. “I love you no matter what.

“I love you.” She tugged at his hand before letting him go. 

Y/n’s engineer came to see her in the car before the race started. “Drink. That's all I ask of you.” He fastened the bottle of water into the car. “If you begin to feel sick at all, radio us. It is going to be up to 120 degrees in that car, we are not going to blame you for any safe moves. We want you to be safe.” He gave her gloved hand a squeeze. She nodded, pulling her visor down.

She had a good start to the race, keeping her starting position. 10 laps in she called in.

“The visor is super foggy, guys. It’s sweaty in here!” She half-joked.

“Try to wipe it when possible.” Someone responded.

After 40 laps she was told to pit. 

“Pit.Pit.”

“Okay.” Her breath was shaky. “Yeah, the hard tyres wore out pretty quickly.” She tried straightening out her breathing patterns. Drink. She tried to will herself, but her body wouldn’t do it. It was too focused on other things.  She had dropped down to fourth place, behind Lance Stroll. “My seat feels like it’s on fire!”

“Do you need to retire?” Zak responded.

“No, just throw some water on me or something!” 

It was lap 56, two laps left and she had caught up to Lance. 

“He’s struggling on these corners.”

“Be careful around him.” Her engineer radioed. “Something must be wrong, he’s acting erratically.”

She was able to overtake him.

Lap 57. Last lap. Last turn. Y/n reached the final straight.

“P3, P3!” People cheered over the comms, but she swore it was muffled. Everything was blurry as she pulled into the space dedicated to 3rd. She noticed her lover's red car in 2nd and Max Verstappens in first. Charles took his helmet and balaclava off, shaking  the hand of Max. The commentator waiting for interviews began to grow concerned when the third driver had still not gotten out of her car. He whispered around and soon enough word got around to the drivers. She reached her hand up to grasp onto the halo, but fell short.

“Y/n.” Charles peered into the car.

“Yes?” She wheezed. “Just-Just give me a minute-to-get out…” She began to grab at the car again. Multiple stewards gathered around her, plus Max and Charles. Charles placed his hands underneath her arms and pulled her up. “I got sick in my helmet.” She coughed. 

“Shhh…” He took off her helmet quickly. A stretcher was brought to her. 

“I don’t want to leave.” She hiccuped. “I have a podium to cele-” She dry-heaved, nothing to throw up, “Celebrate.” 

“I’m so proud of you.” He pleaded with her to get her onto the stretcher. Her face turned ghost-white.

“I’m really scared.” She whimpered. “And-and I feel like I’m going to faint.” Charles placed his hand behind her head as her body went limp, heart breaking while paramedics attending to her vitals. It was a scene for sure. Blue and red lights from an ambulance blocked the screen below the podium, people from Mclaren that were preparing for a podium celebration were now freaking out for their driver, and Charles Leclerc seemed to be the most worried for someone who wasn’t even his teammate. Those who could only see in from the outside watched as he brushed her hair out of her face and kissed her forehead before composing himself. Love. 

“I’m going to come see you as soon as I can get out of here.” He assured her. “I’m sure everyone will.” Throughout the interviews and the celebrations Charles bit his tongue. He noticed the other worn out drivers. Lance had passed out on the corners towards the end of the race, Logan had to retire, Esteban got sick in his helmet, and the rest of the grid was laying on the floor with wet towels and gallons of water. This was just unsafe. He got away from the track as soon as possible, rushing to the hospital. “Y/n.” 

Tears filled her eyes as she saw him enter the room. “Charlie.” She dropped the strawberry in her hands. He rushed to her, quickly but carefully embracing her. The doctor came in, informing him that she was dehydrated and hadn’t had enough protein. She listened as Charles, the entire grid of drivers, and her trainer coached her on how important a meal plan is and how a meal is not something you can forget. That night Lando fell asleep on the couch and Charles held her as tight as he could.

[saint-ambrosef]

newbie's guide to produce

for all my peers who were not taught how to shop for veggies and fruit on a budget and struggle to use them before they go bad:

(disclaimer: prices are approximate based on where i live in the Southern US. costs may be higher in your area, but the comparison of cost should still be valuable.)

cheap produce year-round:

roma tomatoes. if they look under-ripe you can leave them on the counter for a few days. keeps in fridge for about 2 weeks. $1/lb.

cucumbers. around here they're 50-60 cents each. go bad quickly though, about 1 week in fridge.

celery. two bucks for a head. starts to get sad after two weeks in fridge. only makes sense if you like to snack on celery or make soups often.

corn. whole ears are like 20cents each mid-summer, otherwise just get frozen. $1.50 for a lb.

peas. get these puppies frozen for $1.50/lb. good protein, too.

romaine lettuce. one head is good for several small salads, about $2 and lasts a week in fridge. the big boxes/multi-packs may seem like a better deal but not if it all goes bad before you can eat it.

onions. kind of a given but you can get regular yellow varietals for less than a buck per pound. will last for 1-2 months in pantry.

potatoes. you can get 5lb bags of russets for three bucks. sweet potatoes are a lil over $1/lb. last 2-3 months in pantry; if they grow sprouts, you can cut those off and still eat it.

bananas. dirt cheap. a small bunch (4-5) costs like a dollar. if they go over-ripe before you eat them all just get less or get a few green ones (p.s: you're allowed to break them off larger clumps).

radishes. $1.50 for a little bundle. greens get wilty after a week, roots will last 2 weeks (you can use both parts).

hot peppers. poblano, jalapeno, etc., are often quite cheap and you usually don't need very many anyways. few weeks fridge or counter.

cheap produce when in season:

summer squash. in summertime (duh), zucchini and yellow squash are like $1.25/lb. only last a week or so though in fridge.

winter squash. actually in season in fall, these are your butternuts and acorn squash. less than $1/lb then. lasts in pantry for months.

green beans. in warm months they can be on sale for $1.50/lb! last 1.5-2 weeks in fridge? (kinda depends on the shape they're in)

kale. it's a cool-season green that commonly is on sale in colder months. $1.60 for a big bunch, about 1.5 weeks in fridge before it gets seriously wilty. (can be eaten cooked or raw!)

apples. fall/winter, usually at least one variety on sale for $1.25/lb. last forever.

oranges. most citrus are winter fruits. $1/lb. will last forever in your fridge.

strawberries. spring. at their peak, i can find them for $2/lb. otherwise they are too expensive.

watermelon. $8 for big 10lb melons. they can take up a ton of space though and need to be refrigerated once cut/ripe.

cantaloupe. another summer star! $1.50 each on sale. they will slow ripen in the fridge but you do have to keep an eye on it.

pineapple. $1.50 in summer time. might be ripe even when still a bit green, ready when they smell noticeably ripe.

pears. fall season, sometimes into winter. $1.20/lb. last 1-2 weeks on the counter or forever in the fridge.

pomegranate. in winter time they can be found for $2 each. tricky to peel though.

peaches. and nectarines (which are just fuzzless peaches). $1.25/lb in summer and will last for weeks in your fridge.

eggplants. summertime veggie, you can get for $1.50 when they're on sale. otherwise a bit pricey. keep in fridge for 2 weeks.

mid-range produce:

cabbage. three bucks for a 2-lb head but you can get a lot out of it. will keep 3-4 weeks in the fridge but any exposed cut sides will start moldering after a week.

mushrooms. white button or baby bella. $1.50 for 8oz. keep in mind, mushrooms halve in size after cooking. ~2 weeks though.

avocados. if you live in the South like me, small hass varietals are 60-80 cents apiece in winter. ripe when it gives just a little to squeezing (you can't go off color alone).

broccoli. fresh is $1.70ish per head and lasts a week in fridge. frozen is $1.50/lb but might be kind of mushy.

most greens. spring mixes, spinach, arugula, etc can really vary in price but often fall into a few bucks at least per bundle/package. in a fridge's humidity drawer they last 1-2 weeks.

kiwis. i love them but they're a bit pricey for their size. 50 cents each. their keep depends on how ripe they are at purchase.

expensive produce:

asparagus. one of the most expensive veggies. sometimes in spring you can get it for $2/lb (a steal but still a bit much). lasts 1.5 weeks.

brussel sprouts. same as above.

red or yellow bell peppers. they are used sooo often in recipes and it annoys me. often $1.50-2.00 each. last a long time in fridge.

caluiflower. three bucks for a head. yikes!

green beans. when they're not in season, they are like $3/lb.

snap peas. same as above, except they never seem to be on sale.

raspberries. go bad in 3 days and cost an arm and a leg. sometimes when they're in season you can get them for like $2 per half-pint as a treat.

blueberries and blackberries. even when they're in season, they're still $2 per pint.

grapes. they can sorta be affordable in the fall season for $2/lb, but otherwise they're double that. and usually you have to commit to buying several pounds. last 2 weeks in fridge.

plums. i love them so so much but they're only in season for like 2 weeks of the year it seems and they're like $3/lb.

inexpensive accoutrements: (for garnishes, seasoning, etc)

limes. 25cents apiece. they'll start to dry out after 1 week on the counter so keep them in the fridge unless you will use it soon.

lemons. usually 50cents each for the small varietals. keep same as above.

green onions. less than a dollar for a bunch, and you can easily regrow a few times at home if you stick the white rooted end in water by a window.

cilantro. 50cents. will last WAY longer (1-2 weeks) if you keep it in a mug of water in the fridge.

parsley. 85cents. same as above.

obviously sticking just with popularly available produce across the country. it's not an exhaustive list but can give you a bit more perspective on what produce you should be focusing on if you're trying to work with a tight grocery budget. good luck!

[femmefatalevibe]

Femme Fatale Guide: Healthy Habits To Look & Feel Your Best Without Restriction or Unrealistic Routines

Realistic ways to maintain a healthy life/body/appearance (size and weight are all personal, not the most important metric – for certain). No diet culture or delulu-land tips here.

What I've done to maintain my 30-pound weight loss for over a decade, glowing clear skin (no pimples or discoloration, etc.), and super healthy, full & shiny hair, still living life and enjoying it – the mindful way.

Eat home-cooked meals & (plant-based) whole foods – 90-95% of the time

Incorporate at least 1 salad into my daily routine (either a large, hearty lunch salad or a simple green salad as a starter with dinner)

Include at least 1 fruit/vegetable in every meal or snack

Never restrict food groups – whole grains/potatoes, healthy fats, protein-rich plant foods, and produce are all essential to consume every day

Focus on meals, but have whole food snack options on hand to enjoy if genuinely hungry (mainly fruit, lupini beans, edamame, carrots/celery/cucumber with hummus, plain popcorn, handful of almonds/cashews)

Have breakfast after one coffee (before a second) and have dinner late enough (8-9:30 pm) to curb late-night hunger

Only have fruit and tea after dinner; Always stop consuming food at least 3 hours before bed for better sleep/digestion

Order whatever I want when going out to eat, but split dessert

Have at least one indulgent meal/dessert per week

No sugary cocktails – wine, champagne/prosecco, martinis, gin & tonic, margarita, French Connection, Sambuca, Grappa, tequila on the rocks, etc. are great options. Bellinis/fruit plus wine/spirits cocktails are a good middle ground. Sugary drinks worsen the hangover – big-time

Perceive healthy eating as a form of enjoyment, creativity, and nourishment, not restriction or deprivation (it's not if done liberally enough)

Consume a vitamin B12 and vitamin D supplement daily. Keep digestive enzymes on hand for when they're necessary

Always have a large glass of water first thing in the morning (before coffee) and by my side all day long

No soda, juices, sugary drinks, etc. Black coffee, tea, and water only on the daily – wine and no-sugar alcoholic drinks on rare occasions. Smoothies can be a great snack or breakfast, though!

Incorporate an (almost) daily walk into my schedule as a form of exercise and a mental health reset (I aim for 4-5 miles/10Kish steps per day on average)

Do short, low-impact strengthen training exercises 3x a week (15-30 mins each usually) for bone health & toning

Never forcing myself to do strenuous exercise/workout formally in a gym – it's not for me; it doesn't make me feel/look better and throws my hunger & energy levels way off. To each their own, though

Have a variety of playlists ready to go for waking up, working, dancing, walking/workouts, doing chores, and reading/relaxing

Internalizing that sexual health is a core aspect of your health & well-being – on all counts

Maintaining a simple skincare routine 2x per week with high-quality products and a couple of weekly treatments

Prioritizing my body care routine with as much as my facial skincare routine

Wearing at least SPF 30 daily

Exfoliating 2-3x per week

Learning what hair products work for my hair type; Using a deep conditioning mask and a scalp mask weekly

Using only cold water when washing my hair

Incorporating face & body massages into my weekly at-home routine

Using Uriage lip balm, hand cream, and deodorant religiously

Flossing 1-2 times a day/using an electric toothbrush

[gilmorenights]

Okay so I know he's out Vat7k exclusive but he is in team radical so what are your Varian headcanons??

YAYYY VARIAN MY BELOVED

Used to love when it snowed because it meant he got to go sledding with his dad, but then he developed an intense fear/hatred of snow because of the events during queen for a day

First reaction was to not trust Nuru because of how much she reminds him of Rapunzel. Even though the two of them had mostly mended things at that point, there was still a part of him deep down that blamed Raps and expected Nuru to betray the rest of the team for her kingdom

Had to put up a sign declaring his lab an “anti-Eugene” zone due to how often Eugene just barges in without warning. When it didn’t work, Varian changed it to say “Anti-Horace” just to piss him off

Keira and Catalina were his first friends that were actually around his age

Calls Hugo “pretty boy” as an insult (backfires cuz Hugo thinks they’re flirting)

Thrives in warm/hot weather but the moment the temperature drops, Varian refuses to go outside and wears thick clothing until it’s spring/summer again

He’s a snob about produce due to his dad being a farmer, and it’s a nightmare to go food shopping with him. What’s supposed to take an hour at most turns into an entire afternoon wasted at the market because the tomatoes are too soft or the apples aren’t the right color or the celery doesn’t snap right. Hugo, who grew up eating whatever he could get his hands on, has to physically restrain himself from strangling Varian

He had freckles everywhere

Exchanges letters with Rapunzel throughout his journey as a way of mending their relationship further (they both still feel super guilty about everything that happened and blame themselves) so no matter how far Varian travels, he’ll always have someone from home to guide him

Doodles Team Radical in the margins of his journal when he’s bored (caught himself making a very detailed sketch of Hugo’s face and was ashamed of himself for days)

Inconsistent sleep schedule due to nightmares, which often leads to him sitting outside by the campfire late at night. Because of this, he and Hugo are alone together a lot of the time because Hugo is usually the last of the team to go to bed

Insane sweet tooth, genuinely can’t get through the day without consuming something sweet

First to see Hugo with his hair down and was a flustered mess about it for hours after

Hugo was the first one he told about his past as the Alchemist

Has the Saporian emblem on his body somewhere (either tattooed or branded idk) because everyone in that group has it as a way to pledge their loyalty

Slight country accent that surfaces only when he’s really fired up (you can pry this hc from my cold dead hands cuz I think it’s so funny that he becomes a cowboy when he’s angry)

“Accidentally” leaves goo traps in the castle halls where he knows Nigel and/or Frederick will be walking

Forgets to eat all the time. People will remind him, but he’ll just wave it off and forget until someone shoves a ham sandwich in his face and threatens to reorganize his beaker drawer

Despises coffee and makes fun of Eugene for drinking an “old man” drink, but he will drink it if he’s pulling an all nighter and is desperate for something to keep him awake

Realized he was bisexual at some point during the journey. I feel like he wouldn’t care about romance after becoming royal engineer and getting over his crush on Cassandra, so it wouldn’t really occur to him that he likes both guys and girls until he’s on the road with too much time to think

Tries to emulate his dad when taking charge of the group cuz even away from home, he looks up to his dad

Wrist scars from the handcuffs during his prison era, whether they’re prominent or barely visible

Left-handed. Why? I dunno, it just makes sense to me

Hot chocolate snob. He’ll drink almost all kinds of hot chocolate, but he has a preference for the high quality stuff they keep in the castle and can tell the difference between different kinds (judges people who make it with water instead of milk)

When he’s in a particularly sour mood, he’ll shut off all the hot water in Corona just to be petty (usually does it when Frederick pisses him off)

Yong called him his brother once and he didn’t stop crying for an hour

Made fun of Hugo for not knowing how to swim until Varian has to save him from drowning in the water trial

Gets offended when people call Ruddiger fat or say he’s overweight (he’s basically a bowling ball that waddles around the castle but Varian isn’t ready for that conversation yet)

Refuses to let people take care of him when he’s sick because they “have better things to do”

Hugo is the only one he will voluntarily share a lab space with. Anyone else and he’d rather throw himself out a window

I have so much more but this is definitely long enough jansosiwbsoishwnsksoaisj I love him

Thank you for the ask <333

[bradshawssugarbaby]

Batting Practice - Bradley Bradshaw x Reader

summary: Bradley's attempts to teach you how to play baseball take an unexpected turn when you ask him about that nickname you hear everyone call him once again.

pairing: baseball!Bradley Bradshaw x reader

warnings/content: smut, p in v, dirty talk, praise, vague mentions of reader's body type.

word count: 1.9k

taglist: @avengersfan25, @jessicab1991, @atarmychick007, @b-bradshaw, @nouis-bum, @mamachasesmayhem, @floydsmuse, @kmc1989, @dckweed, @katfanfic, @nerdgirljen, @whatislovevavy, @mrsevans90, @averyhotchner, @yuckosworld, @tgmreader, @allepaula, @lourd-ita, @mariaenchanted @sorchathered, @sarahsmi13s, @hangmansgbaby, @djs8891 @primroseluna @silversprings-mp3 @drxgxnslxyer @gardenavenue @seitmai @unhinged-bitch @mattyskies

“Bradley are you sure about this?” 

The nervousness in your voice was unable to be masked now as you stood at home plate, hands wrapped tightly around the baseball bat. You gripped it tightly, your knuckles turning white as you tried to hold it. The wooden bat felt heavy in your hands, your arms felt clumsy as they tried to raise it over your shoulder, taking an awkward swing in the air. Bradley stood behind you, hands on his hips as he observed your batting stance. He let out a hearty chuckle as he shook his head.

“I’m sure, angel, you’re doing alright for a first-timer. You’re just a little too nervous. Don’t be afraid of the ball. It’s not a fastball, it’s an underhandpitch, and not a good one at that - I haven’t pitched underhand since I was 10.”

“Easy for you to say, Bradshaw! You’re a professional. I’ve swung a bat a handful of times in gym class but I used to fake sick whenever we had to play slo-pitch. I don’t do baseball Bradley.” 

“Well, that’s what I’m here for, isn’t it? Teachin’ you how to do it. It’s not rocket science. You just gotta work at it.” Bradley shrugged.

You tried swinging again, the metal bat feeling heavy in your hands once again. You frowned at Bradley as you struggled again. You looked at him with pleading eyes, your lips pursing into a pout. Bradley laughed softly, shaking his head once again.

“Let’s try again, your form’s just a little off,” He nodded as he approached you, his calloused palms gliding down your arm as he guided you into the correct stance.

You caught a glimpse of Bradley nodding his head from behind you, giving his approval over your new batting stance. His baseball cap sat backwards on his mess of dark curls, a couple of stray swoops of hair peeking out of the opening of the cap. His forehead was dampened with sweat from standing out in the hot summer heat, beads of liquid forming on his brow. His dark brown eyes fixed on you, he watched as you took another practice swing. Frowning, he shook his head again as he came up behind you. He stopped short of placing his hands on you again, this time, a wicked grin began creeping up on his lips. 

“You gotta drop that beautiful, perfect little ass of yours, hun. Squat just a little,” He hummed, nodding his head.

You rolled your eyes at Bradley’s instructions, shaking your head and letting out a feigned, frustrated sigh. Raising an eyebrow, you bent your knees slightly, sticking your ass out just enough to tease him, your short, pale, celery coloured athletic shorts teasing just a hint of extra skin from your upper thigh, your ass teasing out from the cuff of the fabric. Bradley let out a deep grunt, and from the moment the sound left his lips, you could tell he didn’t realize he did it out loud. 

“You never did tell me, you know,” you teased, raising an eyebrow as you took another practice swing, this time earning a whistle of approval from Bradley.

“Tell you what, pretty girl?”

“Why they call you Rooster. I mean, you sort of did. But you never elaborated.”

Bradley huffed a heavy sigh, shaking his head. Deep amber coloured eyes looked at you, eyebrows raising as his hands rested on his hips once again. 

“You really wanna know? Is it that important to you?”

“I wouldn’t say important,” you shrugged, grinning as you let your batting stance fall, letting the bat down gently, resting it against the ground as you leaned on it. “Just curious.”

Bradley closed the gap between the two of you. He’d just shaved this morning, the scents of sandalwood and bourbon mixing with the smell of freshly cut grass from the baseball diamond. The field at the back of the high school near Bradley’s house was a far cry from Petco Park, but he’d deemed it the perfect space to teach you how to play the game. The heat of the summer washed over the two of you, golden rays radiating down on your skin as the sun began to set, making you thankful for the sunblock you’d hurriedly put on before meeting Bradley at the field. 

“I think it’s pretty easy for you to figure out. You read magazines, don’t you? You’ve probably heard all about it.” He shrugged, trying to deflect from the topic.

“Bradley,” you whined, your finger tracing circles along the exposed skin just above the collar of his shirt. “Show me?”

Bradley’s hand rested firmly on the small of your back as he drew you in for a kiss. His lips pressed to yours in a passionate frenzy, devouring you. His top teeth dragged ever so gently across your plump bottom lip, giving it a gentle tug before his lips began descending down your jaw to your neck. Bradley buried his face against the crook of your neck, breathing in the soft, tropical scent of your sunscreen, hints of coconut and hibiscus encircling his senses.

As his mouth made its way to your earlobe, teeth grazing sensitive skin as he nipped at you, he let out a deep grunt, groaning softly into your ear as he felt his cock begin to harden in the confines of his athletic shorts. 

“Car, angel. Let’s go.” He husked, struggling to hide his growing desire for you.

You nodded your head obligingly, trying hard to hide the smirk that threatened to form on your face. Bradley hoisted you up over his shoulder, eliciting a squeal from you as he carried you fireman style over to where his Bronco was parked. The parking lot was deserted, abandoned except for where his car sat. Bradley stood you on your feet before climbing into the backseat with a mischievous grin. His deep brown eyes watched you intently as you followed in behind him. 

You settled in on Bradley’s lap, the curves of your ass nestling onto his hardening erection as you began to grind your hips into him. Bradley grunted again as his hands reached for your hips. You pushed your hips into his harder, grinding against him with more pressure as his hands curled around your hips, cupping your ass in a firm grip. 

“God, this ass is so fucking smooth, angel. So fucking beautiful,” Bradley panted as you continued your relentless attack on his hips. 

“Glad you think so,” you smirked, cocking your head to the side as Bradley began kissing at your neck once again. “Yours isn’t too bad yourself, Bradshaw.”

“Fuck,” he panted, his hands pushing their way between you as he reached to tug the waistband of his shorts down, urging to free himself from the tightening confines of his navy blue spandex shorts. “You’re killing me here, angel. Killing me.”

You sat back on his thighs for a moment, watching as Bradley stroked his length in his hand, the reddening tip beginning to leak white droplets of precum. You swiped them away with your fingers, drawing your hand up to your mouth to lick them clean. Bradley’s eyes widened in surprise at your gesture, a new hunger in his eyes as he watched you. 

“You want me to show ya, angel? Show ya exactly why they call me Rooster? You sure you can handle it?” He teased as his hand slipped down the front of your athletic shorts, the thick pad of his fingertip dragging over your clit as he spoke.

“Fuck, yes,” you breathed, nodding your head quickly. “Show me, Bradley. Please?”

“Ah, that’s my angel, asking me so nicely.” His lips curled upwards into a wicked grin as he tilted his head to the side, watching your face intently to see how you reacted to his touch, fingertips still swirling and encircling your swollen bud.

Reaching into your purse in the backseat, you fished out a condom, the shiny, foil wrapper catching in the sunlight. Bradley eagerly ripped the packet open with his teeth, spitting the plastic top out towards the front seat. 

He rolled the latex circle down over his length, giving himself another satisfied stroke before lining himself up with your entrance as you hovered over his hips. You settled yourself down onto his length, hands gripping his shoulders tightly, gathering the fabric of his well-worn collegiate t-shirt in your hands. Bradley buried his face into your neck, moaning against your skin, the feeling of his mouth against you sending a chill up your spine. 

“That’s my girl,” Bradley purred as his finger traced your jawline, tilting your head upwards to make eye contact with you, “I wanna see that pretty little face of yours while you ride me, got it, angel?”

You swiftly nodded your head as Bradley thrusted his hips upwards into you, causing a whine to fall from your lips. He dug his fingertips into your flesh, dull fingernails making slight impressions into your skin as he guided you up and down on his cock. Starting off slowly, you glided up and down as you found your rhythm, your walls stretching to accommodate Bradley’s size. Bradley grunted as you sunk down on him again, his lips pressing into your neck. 

“You sure you want this?” He purred, murmuring against your soft skin. “Can stop now if you want.”

“Mhmm,” you hummed, nodding your head as you let out a desperate whimper. “Bradley, I need you,” you said as you tried grinding your hips against his, urging him to move. 

Your words flipped a switch in Bradley, causing him to snap his hips forwards into yours. Your bodies began to move in sync, hips rocking back and forth, your body bouncing up and down on his length. 

Bradley let out a deep, throaty growl as he watched your breasts move with each thrust, every movement jostling them more. He pressed his lips to the open neckline of your shirt, hot, breathy kisses dampening your skin as he fucked himself into you. 

“God, you look like an absolute fucking dream, right now, angel.” He growled again against the top of your cleavage, his hands cupping your breasts, squeezing them roughly over the top of your tank top. “I fucking love these tits, watchin’ ‘em bounce when you ride me. So fuckin’ hot.” 

Another moan fell from your lips as Bradley picked up the pace, continuing to thrust his hips into you, his movements becoming sloppier as he felt himself begin to come undone inside of you. Bradley let out a deep breath as he babbled your name, saying it over and over again as if it was the only word he knew while he climaxed. 

Panting heavily, sweat slicking your bodies, Bradley’s hand made its way to the back of your neck, pulling you in gently. He pressed his forehead against yours, his eyes shutting as he savoured the moment, catching his breath as he held you close. He leaned in to kiss your lips before pulling away with a smirk.

“How was that for showing you?” 

“Hmm,” you laughed, still trying to catch your breath. You pretended to think for a moment, tapping your chin with your finger. “I might need another demonstration or two.”

“Fuck,” Bradley laughed, shaking his head, “You’re gonna give me more of a workout than Coach ever will, you know that?”

“That’s the plan, Bradshaw. That’s the plan.” 

[prettieinpink]

Question about Cycle Syncing. Do you know where i can find, like a masterlist of food that fits into the steps of the cycle? I always see the same food but how abt the rest? Would be nice to know for example for meal building.

MASTERLIST: NUTRITION CYCLE SYNCING

This post is a masterlist of everything that is recommended you eat while cycle syncing. if you don’t know what that is, read this beginner guide.

This post is a researched post, because I actually couldn’t find a proper masterlist. So, I researched what kinds of nutrients you need during your 4 phases, but I am NO DOCTOR. Just a little disclaimer!

MENSTRUAL/FOLLICULAR PHASE - high iron, vitamin C foods

VEGETABLES

Spinach

Silver beet

Broccoli

String beans

Peas

Sweet potatoes

Beet greens

Dandelion greens

Collards

Chard

Chilli peppers

Sweet yellow peppers

Parsley

Brussel sprouts

FRUITS

Oranges

Guavas

Black currants

Cantaloupe

Kiwis

Lemons

Lychees

Papayas

Strawberries

Oranges

Watermelon

Figs

Prunes

PROTEINS

Beef

Lamb

Liverwurst

Pork

Veal

Dried beef

Eggs

Shrimp

Clams

Tuna

Sardines

CARBS/OTHER

Whole wheat bread

Enriched pasta

Rye bread

Enriched rice

Tofu

Beans

Lentils

OVULATORY PHASE – complex carbs, lean proteins, anti-inflammatory, vitamin B6, folate/choline

VEGETABLES

Carrots

Spinach

Sweet potato

Red potato

Green peas

Chickpeas

Butternut squash

Asparagus

Turnip greens

Romaine lettuce

Beets

Sweet corn

Mushrooms

Pumpkin

Parsnip

Cauliflower

FRUITS

Bananas

Avocado

Mango

Blueberries

Apple

Peaches

Tangerine

Pink grapefruit

lemons

PROTEINS

Egg whites

Strained yoghurt

Skinless white meat poultry

Plain greek yoghurt

Low fat cottage cheese

Tofu

Lean beef

Powdered peanut butter

Beef liver

Pork loin

Bison

Organ meat

CARBS/OTHER

Lentils

Kidney beans

Green peas

Walnuts

Flaxseeds

Cashews

Almonds

Pistachios

LUTEAL PHASE – High fibre, vitamin B12, magnesium

VEGETABLES

Spinach

Swiss chard

Collard greens

Green peas

Sweet corn

Cabbage

Arugula

Bok choy

Celery

Lettuce

FRUITS

Pears

Strawberries

Avocado

Apples

Raspberries

Blackberries

Blueberries

Bananas

PROTEINS

Animal liver

Animal kidney

Clams

Swiss cheese

Turkey

Crabs

Ham

CARBS/OTHER

Oats

Popcorn

Almonds

Fresh coconut

Sunflower seeds

Dark chocolate

Wheat

barley

[eat-healthyisgood]

A few good meals I’ve recently enjoyed!

(1) Grilled marinated chicken with 1/2 sweet potato, hard boiled egg, tomato, cucumber and 1/2 avocado over iceberg lettuce with hemp hearts.

(2) Tuna salad made with avocado oil mayo, celery and red onion, lemony chickpeas, hard boiled egg, cucumber, pepperoncini, olives and half an avocado topped with hemp hearts over romaine lettuce.

(3) Shredded rotisserie chicken, crispy chickpeas, hard boiled egg, tomato, cucumber, avocado, olives over spinach with extra virgin olive oil, lemon juice, seasoned salt.

(4) Miso glazed cod fish, Japanese sweet potato, broccoli sautéed in garlic and olive oil.

(5) Grilled lemon chicken, Greek chickpea salad, quinoa.

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[dwellordream]

Rules from a Victorian Housekeeping Guide, Part 2

(Mrs. Beeton’s Book of Household Management, 1861). This is extremely useful if you are: A. interested in Victorian domestic life, or B. writing something set in that era and trying to portray the attitudes and concerns a real Victorian wife and mother would have.

It is important to note that in the 19th and early 20th century, hiring servants was not just the purview of the wealthy- most middle class families had at least one to two people, typically women, to help with cooking and cleaning.

When the housewife’s family moves to a new neighborhood, she should wait for the neighbors to visit her first, rather than seek them out, as that comes off as vulgar.

If the housewife lives in town, she should urge her husband to avoid buying a home near factories or any kind of pollution.

A house with many windows and doors that let in sunlight and air is much healthier than one with very few. If possible, buying a house that faces south or southwest is idea; this will keep the house warmer and drier.

Never rent a house for more than 1/8th of the family’s income.

The housekeeper should be a skilled accountant, and her books should be regularly checked by the housewife.

The lady’s maid, butler, and valet, alongside the housekeeper, should be considered the most elite rank of servants, and should eat separately from the rest of the staff.

Two to four times a year, the housekeeper should conduct a full inventory of the household goods and tools, and ascertain what needs to be replaced or repaired.

Popular Victorian-era soups include: almond soup, apple soup, artichoke soup, asparagus soup, baked soup, barley soup, bread soup, cabbage soup, carrot soup, celery soup, chestnut soup, cocoa-nut soup, cucumber soup, egg soup, leek soup, macaroni soup, onion soup, parsnip soup, pea soup, potato soup, rice soup, tapioca soup, turnip soup, vegetable soup, hare soup, mutton soup, partridge soup, pheasant soup, rabbit soup, turkey soup, turtle soup, crayfish soup, eel soup, lobster soup, oyster soup, and prawn soup.

Popular Victorian-era seafood include: friend anchovies, codfish, baked carp, hot crab, potted crayfish, boiled eels, fish cake, baked haddock, lobster salad, baked mackerel, fried oysters, boiled perch, baked pike, boiled salmon, potted shrimps, buttered prawn, baked sturgeon, and stewed trout.

Popular Victorian-era meat dishes include: baked beef, stewed ox-tails, brisket, boiled tongue, baked minced mutton, breast of lamb, pork cutlets, boiled bacon, baked ham, roast suckling-pig, baked veal, boiled calf’s feet, chicken cutlets, hashed duck, roast goose, roast larks, broiled pigeons, boiled rabbit, roast turkey, roast duck, partridge pie, roast pheasant, and stewed venison.

Popular Victorian-era desserts include: baked almond pudding, apple cheesecakes, apricot tart, bread pudding, carrot pudding, cherry tart, currant dumplings, fig pudding, lemon cheesecakes, baked orange pudding, baked plum pudding, baked raisin pudding, rhubarb tart, baked rice pudding, baked apple custard, blanc-mange, chocolate souffle, meringues, pancakes, lemon biscuits, macaroons, honey cake, gingerbread, and plum cake.

The butler's duties include: serving meals to the family at the table, making sure lamps and candles are always lit and fires are burning in every hearth, locking up doors and windows at night, and keeping the wine cellar in good condition.

The footman's duties include: cleaning the family's shoes, cleaning utensils, polishing furniture, brushing clothes, keeping carriages clean, and delivering mail to the post office.

The valet's duties include: keeping the master's dressing room in order, laying out the master's clothes for him, cutting the master's hair and shaving his face if requested, and carrying notes to friends or merchants.

The lady's maid's duties include: making and repairing the housewife's dresses, cutting and arranging the housewife's hair, applying the housewife's cosmetics, keeping the housewife's dressing room in order, laying out the housewife's clothes for her, and carrying notes to friends or merchants.

The housemaid's duties include: opening all the shutters and curtains in the morning, beating and cleaning the rugs, sweeping up the ashes from the hearths, cleaning the kitchen stove, airing and making the beds, dusting and sweeping every room, washing dirty dishes, and doing needlework for the housewife.

Nurses and mothers should never sleep in a bed with an infant, or bring it into a crowded space full of people, for fear of suffocating the child.

A breastfeeding mother should exercise regularly and keep her mind active by playing or singing music often. She should avoid drinking wine, brandy, or coffee, but malt liquor is acceptable.

A breastfeeding mother should nurse her child for no longer than 9-15 months. She should avoid eating fruits, pickles, and cucumbers, as the acid in them will disrupt the infant.

Infants and toddlers should always be dressed in loose, comfortable clothes, avoiding pins or tight ties.

Parents should vaccinate their children whenever possible, and follow the legal guidelines that babies must be vaccinated against smallpox by their twelfth week.

[thebibutterflyao3]

"Identity"

@pandalilymicrofics - 1065 words

part five - part six - part seven

“I like that you add a fresh pop of colour to what otherwise would be rather neutral palettes.” Lily pointed to the celery green pillows piled up on a navy and white coverlet. “And that you chose navy instead of plain white or grey. That’s rather pleasing.”

Rosier sat up a little taller, piercing blue eyes going wide. “I enjoy infusing something unexpected that sort of grows on you the longer you look at it. Like this pop of orange on an otherwise cool toned fabric.”

“Mm-hmm, you have a good eye for colour.”

From her periphery, Lily saw him flinch at the comment and quickly redirected. “What inspired this room?” she asked, tapping the office photo.

“The vase. See how elegant the lines are, shaped similarly to the chair legs? The deep teal with lines of gold reminded me of a repaired jade teapot from China that I saw on an antiques show. As if an eclectic traveler repurposed it. Old Hollywood with a modern twist, yes?”

Lily nodded, pleased with his explanation. Despite Barty’s involvement in bringing this man to her door, she couldn’t bring herself to turn him away entirely. However, she refused to lock herself into an employment contract blindly either. Find a middle ground, the motto that kept her sanity intact way back when.

“I would be remiss if I didn’t mention that I exclusively design for commercial spaces, Mr. Rosier. Doctors’ offices, hotels, law firms, high-end restaurants, and the odd posh club. Are you willing to apprentice with me for ninety days to refine your designs for a commercial clientele?”

When he hesitated, she added, “Paid, of course. If we work well together and the clients respond to you, I will offer you a full time Assistant Designer position.”

After a brief negotiation of his salary, Rosier accepted. “Merci beaucoup, Ms. Evans.”

“Lily will do. I’m not one for formality.” She handed him the portfolio and pulled out a file folder from her desk. “How soon would you like to start?”

“Next week? I can be ready to begin Monday,” he said.

Lily flicked through the paperwork quickly, found the apprenticeship forms and paused to the file marked Work Visa. She didn’t want to assume that he needed a visa, but she’d kick herself later if she didn’t check. “Pardon me for asking, but are you from the United Kingdom? Your accent…”

“Non. I’m moving from Paris to spend more time with family,” Rosier said, expression wary. “Is that a problem?”

“Not at all,” Lily assured him. She gathered up all of the paperwork he’d need and handed it over. “The sooner you turn this in, the sooner I can add your name into the payroll system and if you need a work visa, fill this one out as soon as possible.”

Without a word, Rosier whipped out a fancy ball point pen from his suit coat pocket and quickly filled out his portion of the form. He then moved on to each of the other forms and filled them in with lightning fast precision that Lily couldn’t help but watch with fascination. Minutes later, he tucked his pen away and handed all of the papers back to her. 

If I had a competency kink, this would be incredibly awkward, she mused. “Great! We should be all set then. I’ll see you on Monday.”

“Thank you again…Lily,” Rosier said hesitantly.

Remus, the clever bloke, appeared at the door and guided Rosier out. “I’m Remus, by the way. If you have any questions…”

Lily sighed with relief and began straightening her desk. Negotiating a middle ground was easier than she expected. Rosier was amenable to the agreement, so long as he was paid fairly – which was understandable – and it allowed her the flexibility she needed. Problem solved.

“Apprentice, my arse!” Barty bellowed suddenly. A whispered disagreement in the reception area quickly escalated to a scuffle. “Let me talk to her.”

“No, you may not see Ms. Evans,” Remus said stubbornly, stamping his cane against the floor. “You do not have an appointment.”

Rosier’s voice was lost amid Barty’s protests, but from what Lily could see, he was attempting to drag Barty toward the door. Eventually, he huffed and wrapped an arm around Barty’s waist, hauling him bodily out of the office and grumbling, “What happened to ‘We’re old friends. I’ll be on my best behaviour, Rosie?’ Hmm?” 

As soon as the door closed behind them, Remus let out a sharp snort that sounded like it hurt. He slipped out into the reception area and watched through the windows as Rosier half-carried a snarling Barty down the street. “What the hell was that about? How do you know that twat, anyway?” He hadn’t turned to look at Lily, but she knew the question wasn't rhetorical.

“Ex-husband number one,” she said. Lily propped herself against the doorway to see his reaction. Remus didn't disappoint.

He turned around comically slow, his eyes nearly popping out of his head. “You’re joking. You have to be. Very funny, ha ha ha. Have a laugh, go on.”

Lily shrugged nonchalantly.

“No. I can’t believe…that arsehole?” Remus choked out, hand waving at the door. “You married—”

“Twenty years ago, he had far fewer holes in his face and no tattoos, to be fair. He was a clean-cut politician’s son and a certified genius,” she said. When he continued to gape at her, Lily rolled her eyes. “Alright, I’ll admit that the entitlement and shite attitude haven’t changed much though.”

“You’re a weird bird, Lily Evans. No matter how long we’ve known each other, I’ll never quite figure you out. Will I?” Remus walked across the room and rested his folded arms on top of his desk, studying her in silence for a long moment. “It’s like you’ve lived a double life, or have a secret identity.”

“You’re giving me far too much credit, Remus. I’m not mysterious, I just have shite luck with men.”

“Have you considered dating women?” he asked, grinning wickedly. “I mean, look at you. I could see it.”

Lily smirked. “Who said I haven’t already?”

Remus burst out laughing and dropped his head onto his arms. “Are you secretly a witch too? Or a dominatrix? Bloody hell, woman! Who or what are you?!”

“You’ll have to figure it out yourself,” Lily teased, wriggling her eyebrows in her best River Song impression. “No spoilers, darling.”

[najia-cooks]

Hey Najia! I love this blog so much! I have a question. I find cooking pretty difficult sometimes. I'm chronically ill and also the kitchen stresses me out a bit because I'm very scatterbrained and there's knives and fire and stuff. I also fuck things up in the kitchen pretty easy. Are there any recipes on here you find particularly easy to make? That you'd recommend for when you just cannot be arsed? Hope you're having a wonderful day, I know it's your birthday 😄🎉

Thank you!

I can understand your stress—cooking can involve things that are objectively dangerous and also time-sensitive. I'd recommend:

Try recipes where you don't have to come into direct contact with the blades you use. Some Indian dals, for example, cook lentils in a sauce made from blended onion, tomato, and garlic; you could process them using a food processor or blender. A lot of things (fresh salsa, guacamole, a duqqa of garlic, chilies, and spices that you can throw in to cook with some lentils) can be prepared in a mortar and pestle, too.

I've never used one, but a vegetable chopper might help in a similar way that a food processor would, by reducing the amount of knifework that you have to do. There are a lot of recipes where a chopped onion is the only knifework required.

Also try recipes that are cooked in the oven, and not on the stovetop. Something that gets thrown into the oven on low heat to cook (like a casserole or fukharat dish) takes longer, but is more hands-off, than something that's cooked on the stove.

Do all of your prep work first. Read through the recipe and see what chopping, blending &c. needs to be done, prep each ingredient, and put it in its own little bowl. This includes anything in the ingredients list that says "1 onion, diced" or similar: do that right off the bat. If the recipe says "meanwhile" or asks you to do prep for anything while anything else is cooking, you might choose to disregard that and do all the prep first, depending on how long the cook time is and how much attention it needs (e.g., soup on a low simmer for half an hour can pretty much be left alone; anything in a frying pan cannot). This way you won't be rushing to chop anything quickly while worrying that something else is going to overcook.

Look for vegetables, like broccoli / cauliflower / romanesco and green beans, that can be broken up with your hands rather than chopped. Rip up cilantro and parsley rather than chopping them.

Admittedly "simple" is not the guiding principle of this blog, but here are some recipes that I think could be easily adapted:

Fukharat l3des: just one onion to chop. Cooked on low heat in the oven.

Fried tofu sandwich: just mixing sauces and spices. You can skip coating the tofu in cornstarch and frying it. Instead try freezing the whole block, thawing it, cutting into two or four pieces, and then marinating it in a plastic bag with your sauce overnight. Then bake the tofu for 15-20 minutes, turning once, at 350 °F (180 °C).

Roasted celery and potato soup: requires only very rough chopping; the cooking methods are baking and simmering. The fried tempering could be skipped by just adding those ingredients into the simmer earlier.

Carrot salad or chickpea salad or tapenade: you could throw all of the ingredients in a food processor.

Moroccan lentils: just an onion and tomato to grate or process.

Kashmiri lal chaman: the only thing you need to cut is tofu; the gravy is just water and spices. You could bake the tofu instead of frying it.

Black bean burgers: no chopping or frying if you omit the onion and carrot and elect to bake the finished patties.

'Chicken' and olive tajine: the marinade is blended or pounded, and there is no other prepwork to do other than chopping one onion. Everything can be simmered on low heat until cooked, so it's pretty hands-off.

Chana pulao: mostly rice, chickpeas, and spices. Some aromatic prep, but you could crush instead of chopping those.

Romanesco quiche: no knifework at all if you omit the aromatics and break aprt the romanesco with your hands.

Spanish garlic mushrooms: just crush garlic instead of slicing and buy pre-sliced mushrooms. There is frying, though.

Eggplant cooked salad: the eggplant is broiled and then spooned out. No knifework required if you use tomato puree.

Butternut squash soup: just roasting and simmering. No knifework required if you omit the aromatics and buy pre-cubed squash.

Dishes with a base of lentils, chickpeas, beans, rice, and/or noodles are great because there's no knifework that needs to be done to prepare the beans &c. themselves.