#I felt okay this morning but right now the lack of sleep is really hitting me lol

[meownotgood]

need a slow and sleepy make out session with aki. perhaps then. I would be cured

[everlasting-rainfall]

The Animal Shifter Au but with Kaku please

Kaku, hm? God, I have a soft spot for the Giraffe man. I have to admit so I’m really happy that you sent this ask in!

I hope that you enjoy how I answered this!

Now let’s get into it!

!-MINORS DO NOT INTERACT AT ALL-!

!-POTENTIAL TRIGGER WARNINGS-!

Kidnapping, Stalking, Biting, Painful Transformation into a Giraffe, Manipulated into Sex, Forced Pregnancy

!-POTENTIAL TRIGGER WARNINGS-!

!-MINORS DO NOT INTERACT AT ALL-!

Okay, let’s mix things up a little as for Lucci and Jabra. It’s always been a zookeeper but let’s say that this time, you’re just someone who visits the zoo like it’s a nice place when there’s not too many obnoxious loud people around

Honestly your favorite area is the giraffe enclosure as no one really goes there and the giraffe in the enclosure is rather friendly like let’s say that Kaku’s enclosure has like a little canopy thing so you can go up high into the tree and watch the giraffe from high up

The canopy area is open a lot of the time so he’s able to stick his head in occasionally like he let you pet his head at one point and returned the petting with a lick from his tongue to your hand

You really felt like you were developing a bond with this giraffe to the point where some part almost considered this zoo animal like a friend, you would even talk to him occasionally when you were stressed as talking to a giraffe is better than talking to no one

If only you knew though that Kaku was actually listening to you and understanding you…

During one of your visits though, you would find that Kaku didn’t seem to be in his enclosure like he wasn’t anywhere that you could see him even when you leaned over the railing of the canopy area

Leaning over the canopy railing proved to be a bad idea as you were quickly pulled back by a man with a long square nose, he had a serious look on his face as he told you that you could have gotten hurt so you shouldn’t do that

You apologized thinking he was a zookeeper and his expression quickly softened as he introduced himself as Kaku, you thought it was pretty funny how he had the same name as the giraffe which he laughed off like it was a humorous coincidence

He told you that the giraffe was probably either sleeping or getting some medical attention in some other part of the zoo so you shouldn’t worry and the two of you could hang out for a while if you wanted

You accepted and Kaku turned out to be pretty nice, he was fun to talk to and he made you laugh quite a bit. The two of you hit it off pretty well but when the day started to end, you parted ways before you could get his phone number to stay in contact with him

That wasn’t your final meeting with Kaku though as whenever you returned to the zoo and Giraffe Kaku wouldn’t be in his exhibit then Human Kaku would appear to spend the day with you

You would have long conversations about all sorts of things but he never really told you things about himself and if he did then they were always lacking details but you never minded as maybe he just didn’t wanna talk about himself

Eventually Kaku started asking you out on dates outside of the zoo, it would never be anything too special as you would go for a walk or to the park but it was a nice time regardless and you enjoyed yourself

He even gave you his phone number on the same day that a phone was reported as missing by the zookeepers and the two of you would keep in contact that way although he only responded early in the morning or late at night with very few exceptions

It was a little weird but it wasn’t too bad…

During one of your dates with Kaku though is when it happened as when you were saying your goodbyes, he suddenly leaned in and gave you a big bite right on your shoulder which of course caused you to scream and push him away as he broke the skin

You rushed off before he could say anything and went straight to the hospital, they fixed you up and you filed a police report but nothing ever came of it as no one could find him anywhere like he had no known address or anything like that. It was like he didn’t even exist

Occasionally you got a text from Kaku here and there but you quickly blocked his number and just tried to continue with life even if it seemed like you were getting taller as the days went by and did you always have that mole? Oh! And there’s a new one!

Going to the doctor again proved to be no help at all as they had no clue what was wrong with you even after keeping you in medical observation for a day. Eventually they chalked it up to all being in your head

But you knew that it wasn’t, you were getting taller and your neck appeared to be getting longer as well. It was scary and you decided that the only way to find out about this was to seek out Kaku and demand answers

You tried to look for him everywhere that you could but you couldn’t find him however when you were in secluded area, it suddenly happened as everything started to hurt like your body was changing rapidly and you weren’t able to stop it

Your limbs got longer, your hands became hooves, your neck stretched out to an impossible length as your face stretched into a snout, a tail ripped through the back of your pants

You couldn’t even bring yourself to scream for help as the entire thing was so painful that all you could do was just try to bite back the screams from this painful transformation that your body was going through

Soon enough, the pain stopped and you were finally free to just breathe but the ground was so much higher up than it had been and your ripped clothes were on the ground. There was no more simple way to say it other than that you had turned into a giraffe

Upon leaving the secluded area, immediately people started freaking out as “Holy shit, a giraffe escaped the zoo!!” and despite your attempts to say something all that came out were giraffe noises

Animal control was called and you got a fluffy dart in you that put you right to sleep, it was all over the news about how a mysterious giraffe had just appeared in town and no one could figure out where it came from as it wasn’t Giraffe Kaku

When you started to recover from the tranquilizer, you’d find yourself in the enclosure with Giraffe Kaku. He’d be nuzzling you and welcoming you to your new home the second that he noticed that you were awake, he’d even be talking too albeit in Giraffe

But as you try to explain that you aren’t a giraffe, you notice that his voice sounds so similar to Human Kaku like it’s almost unnerving how similar it sounds to it but when you notice his vocal mannerisms. You just gotta ask “Are you the same Kaku that bit me?”

And when he confirms, he’ll tell you about animal shifters and how he’s one. He came to enjoy your presence when you visited and he decided that he wanted you as his mate to have and to hold til death do you part

You can try to refuse him but that’s when he’d get serious and tell you that it’s not like you can refuse as his bite claimed you as his, you can tell him that Giraffe’s don’t bite and claim but he’ll simply say that animal shifters are different

He’ll still take you on dates and things if you want as he wants to make you feel like the most special girl in the world to him but until you learn to behave, you’re going absolutely nowhere that isn’t the enclosure

Kaku might be a gentleman as well but you might find that some nights, he gets just a bit too affectionate with you like he’s trying to coax you into something and when you finally ask about it then he’ll tell you that he wants to put his calf in you and start a family

You can try to fight and say no but Kaku although he won’t get violent will probably eventually manipulate you into saying yes in all honesty resulting in a pregnant giraffe inside of the enclosure

Kaku’s gonna take good care of you and he’ll make sure that your pregnancy goes smoothly as he’ll sneak out of the enclosure at night to get you some good branches from the local park or even if you’ve been really good get you some of your favorite snack

Being with him isn’t too much of a nightmare especially when you learn that Lucci the Leopard and Jabra the Wolf have taken mates of their own, you’re even a bit glad that you aren’t their mate

But when you’re stuck in a pen with a hay flooring by the zookeepers so you can safely give birth to your calf, you honestly wish that you had never even come to this zoo in the first place and just stayed home

[brokendoor16]

Okay. So I just realised I haven't posted anything in a while and this has been in my head ALL DAY, so please enjoy my English-Lit-level analysis of why Too Sweet is the most Anthony J Crowley song ever to Anthony J Crowley!!

(What this means is that I'm about to analyse every single fucking lyric in excruciating detail, I apologise in advance)

HERE GOES!!

It can't be said I'm an early bird // it's 10 o'clock before I say a word- Starting off easy here. He slept through most of the 19th century, and can you IMAGINE what he'd be like in the mornings??

Baby, I can never tell // how do you sleep so well?- Bit of a stretch on this one since Aziraphale doesn't canonically sleep, but let's just say sleep is a metaphor. He's asking how Aziraphale can seem 'at peace' so easily, when he can never seem to find any sort of balance.

You keep tellin' me to live right // to go to bed before the daylight- Aziraphale has a very strict set of morals, some instilled in him by Heaven but also some of his own; it's one of the things Crowley loves about him, but it can also result in him coming off like he's telling people how to live their lives 'right'.

But then you wake up for the sunrise- Now THIS is an interesting one. Waking up at sunrise and going to bed in the daylight both result in a lack of sleep, but one is seen as a 'good' thing to do. Aziraphale is just as run-down and burnt-out as Crowley, but he's ignoring it because it's for the 'right' reasons.

You know, you don't gotta pretend- He knows what Aziraphale's doing, and he's saying that he doesn't need to hide behind his heavenly facade; he can be himself.

Baby, now and then // don't you just wanna wake up- So you could probably take this one two ways; either as the whole demonic-temptation idea, or as an invitation for something they do frequently: get drunk, sped time together, and ignore Heaven and Hell for a little while.

Dark as a lake // smelling like a bonfire // lost in a haze- Funnily enough, being 'dark' and 'smelling like a bonfire' are both things you could associate with Hell, or the Fall. You could hear this as Crowley asking 'don't you want to let go and have some fun?' or you could hear it as 'I know this is selfish, but don't you wanna Fall for me?'

If you're drunk on life, babe // I think it's great- He's acknowledging that all he really wants is for Aziraphale to be happy. If he lived by all his strict rules because that's what he wanted, or because he was 'drunk on life' enough not to NEED anything else, that would be great.

But while in this world- They're not gonna be on Earth forever, especially if you imagine it from the perspective of pre-Apocalypse Crowley, so they may as well make the most of the time they have left.

I think I'll take my whisky neat- Well, first up it's Crowley and we all KNOW he's got a drinking problem. But also, it's a way of saying 'I know you worry about me, but this is who I am, and I'm gonna do it anyway'

My coffee black and my bed at three- There's not much to analyse on this one. Six shots of espresso in a big cup, and partying till God-knows-what-time.

You're too sweet for me- oh my GOD, the things I could say about this line. Honestly, I just feel like Crowley is always worried about 'corrupting' Aziraphale, or not being good enough for him. He's 'Too Sweet' for Crowley, because he's never felt love as soft and sweet (the closest he's ever got was God, and She was quick to cast him out) and he's scared of breaking it.

I aim low // I aim true, and the ground's where I go- This bit's almost sarcastic, and a little self-deprecating; you can't aim lower than Hell, and by asking questions he sure hit his target.

I work late where I'm free from the phone- He works a little ahead of time to stay clear of Hell's reprimands, or 'phone calls'. Also, working 'late' could link to working in darkness, which he's been doing since he Fell.

And the job gets done // but you worry some, I know- Aziraphale is constantly worrying about the Arrangement; not for himself, but for what Hell will do to Crowley if they find out. Crowley constantly finds himself reassuring him that as long as 'the job gets done', he'll be fine.

But who wants to live forever, babe?- This part's almost ironic. Crowley doesn't WANT to live forever, but he will, and so he can afford to be a little reckless; to him, it doesn't matter either way.

You treat your mouth as if it's Heaven's gate- Aziraphale is always so careful about everything he says, even to Crowley, needing to make sure he stays 'Heavenly'.

The rest of you like you're the TSA- Aziraphale is ALWAYS careful with everything, regulating everything by Heaven's rules and regulations on what he can and can't do (think the TSA do's and don't's).

I wish I could go along // babe, don't get me wrong- Despite spending most of the song (and his life) railing against Heaven's rules, part of him still wishes he'd been able to 'go along' with them.

You know you're bright as the morning // soft as the rain- It just shows that everything Aziraphale is is the exact opposite of Crowley (or at least, of his image). He's 'bright' and 'soft', two things you'd never find in Hell, and Crowley doesn't quite know how to handle it.

Pretty as a vine // as sweet as a grape- He (Aziraphale) may be 'pretty' and 'sweet', but there's something else about him. Vines and grapes turn into wine, which Crowley is already addicted to; he's scared of becoming addicted to Aziraphale's sweetness.

If you can sit in a barrel- Obviously, grapes left in a barrel ferment into wine; he's awaiting the day Aziraphale gains just enough bitterness to go against Heaven. However, wine is considerably sweeter than Crowley's aforementioned whisky, so although he wants him to see Heaven the way he does, he prioritises keeping his sweetness rather than becoming fully bitter- he may be 'too sweet', but that's what Crowley loves about him.

Maybe I'll wait // until that day- This part's almost funny from Crowley's perspective, because there's no 'maybe' about it. He'd wait eternity to be allowed to love Aziraphale.

SO. There we go. If you actually read this far, tysm and I am SO SO SORRY, but hope you enjoyed my ridiculously long and mental-gymnastics-y analysis (I will not be rereading this or I won't end up posting it, so sorry about any mistake)

Have the best day ❤️❤️

[bravo4iscool]

nahhh, but the guy does have a point. hot men aren't into fat women, and you probably really want to believe that to feel better. I mean, the argument about not getting laid kinda sucks, 'cause the easiest thing for a guy is to get is sex. he just needs to hit on desperate women like you who would say yes due to the lack of it in your life.

and like… being fat doesn’t mean you have curves? it’s really just fat. there are fat women with no tits, no ass, and skinny girls with a lot of curves.

the good thing is: you could just lock your mouth and go to the gym. now, i know, you’re gonna quote (if you’re not flabbergasted or ashamed enough to make this public) and try to shame me out, but in reality? we all know you cry yourself to sleep because of your weight and forced celibacy. because i’m gonna tell you, I saw a photo of you and… like, you’re not even a cute chubby girl. you’re ugly as fuck, girl. and you’re white, which is even worse, 'cause it’s so easy for white girls to fit the standard…

and don’t even try to turn this on me, yes, I’m using anon, 'cause it’s waaaaay easier and I don’t really have to prove you anything, that’s just dumb. but don’t worry, I AM PRETTY, and HOT, and I do get laid. believe me if I was anything but, I wouldn’t be here. I'd be supporting you, trying to feel better about myself too, after all, fat ugly girls stick together, right? so why am I here? because I saw your profile. and it’s fucking hilarious, and sometimes I like giving reality checks to people like you. cheap psychology won’t work here.

that being said, have a good morning/night 💞

this is getting HILARIOUS LMAO.

there are a bunch of “hot guys” or “fit guys”, what ever you wanna call ’em who are into “fat woman”. there are actually people who are attracted to the character of a person and not their looks. seems like you’re anything but familiar with that.

and i’m not desperate for sex💀 i can live amazingly without it lol. but congrats to you, yk. must be great jumping from ons to ons.

also, since you apparently know me so well and even saw a picture of me (which doesn’t really make sense) you’d actually know that i have a medical condition that is responsible for me being overweight but hey, shaming and insulting random people anonymously on the internet is more fun, no?

it’s physically painful for me to do sports and it won’t change anything about my weight. so no, it’s not easy for me to fit into the “standards”😘.

and insulting me as white? that very very low. i expected better from you ngl. my heritage is anything but “white”, but okay. you sound like a fucking us-american omg💀.

also, you’re giving me a “reality check”? this really is pathetic LMAO. i’m perfectly fine, never been better. there’s this thing called ✨fiction✨ but i don’t think you’re familiar with that.

idk why you seek validation through insulting and talking other people down💀

get some hobbies fr. i did nothing to you lmao. i posted a random headcanon and you felt attacked. i’m not the one needing a reality check💀

ps: if you hate my profile so much, just leave. no one’s forcing you to stay😍. just leave me alone atp💀.

[riahlynn101]

"Of Headaches and Heartaches" (18).

Big thank you to @halogenrobotics for editing and helping with the plot!

Trigger warnings: blood, implied/referenced child abuse, kidnapping, and minor character death.

Fair warning, this chapter does get a little bit heavy. If you would like a TL;DR I'd be more than happy to provide one for you, as this chapter also contains some plot-relevant tidbits. Take care of your mental health first!

Chapter 18

---

Vanessa yawned. Her back and neck ached - a surefire sign that she fell asleep on her couch again. Opening her eyes, she’s proven right. Her body is half-slumped over the armrest, head laying on her arm. 

Ah, that explained why she can’t feel her arm. 

Idly, she shook it.

A pins and needles sensation shot up and down her arm. The sound of paper being crumpled up got her attention. Gregory sat in front of her coffee table. 

“Ow,” she muttered, internally cursing her past self for choosing one of the worst sleeping positions ever. When it passed, she reached out to pat Gregory’s messy bedhead. “Goodmorning, Greg.”

He said nothing, just crumpled up and uncrumpled the paper. Taking his time, smoothing it out, before using both hands to ball it up. 

“Uh…Gregory?” Vanessa poked him.

The crackling noise of the paper seemed impossibly loud in the quiet of early morning. 

For a second, Vanessa feared she hadn't really woken up. It wouldn’t be the first time the rug has been pulled out from underneath her. 

If not for Luis’ soft snoring next to her, and a general lack of impending doom and sense of foreboding, she might have believed that. But-at least for now-she felt safe. Until Vanny, herself, popped out from some dark corner, she was going to hold onto that hope. 

“Greg,” she said again. “Everything alright?”

Gregory hummed. 

Vanessa breathed a sigh of relief. It was odd he still hadn’t looked at her, but she chalked it up to him being tired. They had kept Gregory out late last night after all. “I’ll get breakfast ready, okay?”

He hummed again, little hands crumpling and uncrumpling the newspaper on the table. She made a mental note to clean it up after breakfast.

Her kitchen was a mess. Pans and mixing bowls they used to make cookies sat in an untidy stack next to her sink. 

Vanessa sighed, reaching for a box of lucky charms. Yet another thing added to her bucket-list. Usually, having tasks pile up caused her to go into-what she has fondly started calling-“shutdown mode.” The term, she thought, was very on-brand for someone that worked day-in and day-out with robots. 

Robots aside, when she shuts down, it’s hard to get anything done. 

But today was different. 

She could just feel it. 

Vanessa poured three bowls of cereal. She balanced the three bowls in her arms, somehow managing not to slosh milk or cereal on the ground.

Back in the living room, Luis was awake, watching Gregory continue to play with the newspaper. She placed a bowl of cereal on the table in front of him, patting him on the head. 

She joined her boyfriend on the couch. “Well, goodmorning.” She handed him a bowl.

“What’s this?” He asked, voice still groggy with sleep. 

She giggled. “Cereal.”

Luis side-eyed her. 

“Okay, okay, Lucky Charms. There was a sale at the supermarket.”

“Thank you,” he murmured. 

They ate in silence, the only sounds were the occasional clang from a spoon hitting the sides of a nearly-empty bowl. It was not the oppressive quiet that preluded all her worst nightmares, nor the kind she had gotten used to. The sort that follows you around, hanging over you. Never leaving your side, even in a crowded room. Self-imposed isolation.

Loneliness. 

The crinkling sounds returned as soon as Gregory finished off his cereal. They were louder this time, and Gregory’s movements were more aggressive. 

Luis and her exchanged a glance. “Gregory,” he started, coming over to kneel down next to him, “Is everything okay?”

He uncrumpled the paper (again), using his hands to smooth it out. 

“It’s fine if you don’t want-”

“I hate her,” Gregory interrupted, glowering at the newspaper in front of him. It was so different from his usual cheerful attitude that Vanessa looked around to make double-sure this wasn’t some cruel joke her tormentors are playing on her. 

Even Luis leaned away from him, eyes widening a bit. But he quickly recovered, pointing at something on the paper that Vanessa couldn’t see. 

“Who?” He asked. “Her?” 

Gregory bowed his head. “She’s a liar.”

“Greg, wha-”

He turned to Vanessa. “Mommy promised I’d see her after daycare.” His bottom lip quivered. She reached out for him. The revelation that he may have solved his own missing person’s case hadn’t registered to her. The only thing that mattered was the child on the verge of tears in front of her. 

“She promised,” he cried, looking over his shoulder at the newspaper clipping. “But Miss Cheyenne picked me up instead.”

“...Miss Cheyenne?” Luis asked, voice soft. 

“Miss Cheyenne is mommy’s person.” 

“Person?” Vanessa tilted her head to the side. 

“Uh, huh, person. She has this big, huge book that she writes in. And she writes a lot, especially when she talks to mommy. She also cleans a lot and drived me to daycare.”

Luis’ brows furrowed. “And what happened to Miss Cheyenne?”

“She picked me up from daycare, like she always did. But….” Gregory’s shoulders shook. He threw himself at Vanessa, clinging to her. “She….Miss Cheyenne didn’t take me home.”

Her stomach twisted. 

“I asked-ed her too, but she wouldn’t. She said mommy didn’t want me no more.” He sobbed, burying his face in the crook of her neck. “And she was soooo mean to me. Miss Cheyenne was nice. I don’t understand why she turned mean? Why? Why didn’t my mommy want me no more, Mama ‘Nessa?”

He cried harder, tiny hands gripping her shirt, as if trying to ground himself. 

Vanessa stroked his hair. She fought the urge to track Gregory’s mother down. All this time they’d been searching for a woman that gave up her own son without telling him why. And if he was old enough to remember this then it had to have been somewhat recently. No, the title of mother wasn’t befitting of someone so…vile. 

Monster was more like it. 

“You’re safe now,” she murmured into his hair. “Your mama and papa got you.” 

Luis laid a gentle hand on his back. 

It felt like a weight had been lifted from her shoulders, like she could finally breathe again. Gregory recognizing his mom in the paper meant they had a name to work with. 

Eventually, Gregory’s cries tapered off. His breathing evened out, and it was not long before he fell asleep. 

“Poor guy,” Luis said, frowning. 

Vanessa hummed. “Can you hand me the newspaper he was looking at?”

“Sure.”

The newspaper was a mess of wrinkles and creases, making it a little hard to read. She sighed, doing her best to read it around Gregory’s sleeping form. The article itself seemed standard enough. 

It was about the dangers of ignoring your mental health. Something she knew all too well. She chuckled a little at her own joke, ignoring the concerned glance Luis sent her. 

She scanned the article, looking for a sign of what set Gregory off. Because surely a block of text hadn’t done it. 

Vanessa had to reread it again, not seeing anything out of the ordinary. She was just about to ask Luis if he grabbed the right one when her eyes saw the name of the writer of the article. One, Dr. Maria Torrez (pictured with her assistant, Cheyenne Michaels in her office, on page nine).

Amber eyes flashed into her mind’s eye. A kind smile and a soft laugh. 

Blood.

Everywhere. 

Screaming. 

Vanessa shook her head, forcing down the unwelcome thoughts. Before she could think better of it, she flipped the piece over to page nine. 

Two women stood in front of a cozy-looking office. There were bookshelves full of familiar books and a child-size table sat in the corner of the room. One of the women had bottle-blonde hair and a smug smile on her face. The other one……

The other one had dark brown hair and…Vanessa threw the paper away from her. Luis made a startled sound. 

“‘Ness, are you okay?”

She shook her head. 

-x-x-x-

Luis was shoved out of the apartment so fast his head spun. Vanessa was rambling, which was usually not a great sign. But she told him to leave her be for a few hours, muttering something about needing to be alone. 

He hesitated, trying to reason with her. His attempt failed, if the door in his face and the squirming toddler in his arms was anything to go by. 

Luis got closer to the door. “‘Ness, I’m taking Gregory to the mall for a little bit.” When he got no response, Luis added, “Just know, I’m here for you. Whatever it is you’re going through, you’re not alone.”

Defeated (for now), Luis made his way to the entrance of the apartment building. Gregory tugged on his shirt, making desperate gestures towards Vanessa’s apartment. “Mama ‘Nessa,” he whined. 

“I know, bud. ‘Ness just needs a while to cool down. Everything will be alright.”

-x-x-x-

Everything was not alright. 

There’s scratch marks on her arms from where she dug her nails in, trying to distract from memories she’d rather forget. She lays curled up on her bed, covers over her head.

The terrifying panic that had previously gripped her felt less severe now. It wasn't gone, just…Vanessa was too exhausted to continue freaking out. A detached-numbness took its place. 

She closed her eyes, pleading with whatever entity thought it funny enough to put her through all that she had, to let her drift off. To let her forget, for an hour at least. Please, please let her sleep…

-x-x-x-

Luis carried Gregory around the store. He tried to use a cart, but Gregory refused to stop clinging to him. Probably uneasy about ‘Ness’ outburst. Not that Luis could blame him. It was like a switch had been flipped. One second they had been on the cusp of solving a missing person’s case, excited but solemn. The next…

….the next, Gregory was shoved into his arms, and Vanessa begged him to leave her alone for awhile. 

“Papa Luis, look!” Gregory shouted, pointing at the window of a petstore. A couple of large fish tanks sat in the window, clusters of colorful fish swam around inside. He wriggled in Luis’ arms. “Please.”

Luis chuckled, letting him down. Instantly, Gregory was gone, staring in rapt fascination at the different fish. 

He started to follow after the runaway child, but he caught a glimpse of a familiar figure. “Hey!” He called out, waving at the man who had helped him out. 

The man smiled at Luis, coming over to join him. 

“Hello,” he said, in the same somber tone of voice. 

“How are you doing?” Luis watched Gregory in his peripheral vision, making sure he stayed put. The last thing he needed was for him to go missing. (Though, he’s sure his uncle would love the company. Wherever he is.)

“I’ve…been better. You must really like this mall. I mean I’ve seen you here this week, what? Three times?” 

Luis laughed, scratching the back of his neck. “Yeah, this week has been….chaotic.”

“Story of my life,” the man said. 

“Papa Luis!” Gregory yells. Both of them turn to look at him. His back was to them, and he’s pointing at one of the fish in the tanks. “This one’s blue!” 

Luis goes to introduce Gregory to the man, but he was already sprinting towards the preschooler. Immediately, he was on the man’s tail, trying to prevent him from reaching Gregory. His heart thundered in his chest. 

“Stop!” He hollered, hoping someone will do something. “Gregory! Run!” 

But despite his best efforts, the man reached Gregory first. Luis was a second too late. The man scooped Gregory into a hug. He squirmed in the man’s grasp. 

“Let me go!” He slapped at the man’s back. “Papa Luis, help!”

“Gregory, baby, I’ve been looking everywhere for you.” The man hugged him tighter, crying. 

Gregory froze, eyes widening. “Daddy?” 

-x-x-x-

The last two weeks had been hell for Vanessa. Time management had never been her strong suit, but surely she’d remember getting groceries? But whenever she tried to think about it, she couldn’t recall getting them. 

And it didn’t stop at shopping.

Other things, like beating a video game she was ecstatic about, making dinner, or even polishing her silverware (which she had never done before in her life, but hey, her knives and forks have never looked better), were done without her having any memory of doing them. 

Ever since she played that stupid video game…..

She groaned, feeling a headache come on. 

“Vanessa, sweetheart, are you alright?” A woman-her therapist at the moment, though now that she was between jobs with no insurance, that was bound to change soon-asked. She had dark brown hair and small, almond eyes the color of honey. Her voice was soft, and hearing her speak put Vanessa at ease. Even if she didn’t show it. 

“Yeah…yeah, I’m fine. Sorry.” She cleared her throat, shifting in the chair.

“It’s quite alright.”

Vanessa nodded.

She’d been seeing this therapist for a few sessions now, but the fog clouding her thoughts hasn't gotten any better. If anything it’s just gotten worse, and maybe that was her fault. For one, she hadn’t done any of the exercises recommended to help manage her anxiety. 

But…still, something didn’t feel right. A puzzle piece that refused to click into place. 

“Now, have you started journaling?”

She shook her head. 

Her therapist sighed. “I really think it would help. There’s been countless….”

Vanessa tuned her out. Something was very, very wrong. She gripped the armrests, trying to refocus on the person in front of her. 

This started after she finished that game. The one that Faz-Entertainment forced the company she worked for to make.

Vanessa bit at her bottom lip, eyes fixated on her lap. She felt awful for ignoring Dr. Torrez, but her thoughts were speeding by her at a million miles per minute. It was hard to pay attention. 

“Vanessa,” a voice hissed. But when she looked around, no one was near her.

Her therapist said something, forehead wrinkling and mouth pressing into a tight line. She motions to something, but Vanessa can’t pay attention to her. 

“Vanessa,” the voice says again. “Listen to me.” 

She blinked back tears, fighting the urge to freak out. This…this wasn’t her inner monologue. This voice was different. Grizzled and old and had an accent Vanessa couldn’t imitate in her wildest dreams. 

“There, there, don’t cry.” 

Vanessa wanted so badly to open her mouth, but she couldn't. It won’t let her. 

“I’m sure you’re confused.”

She did her best to focus on Dr. Torrez, who was going over another exercise to manage her anxiety. 

“Here, let me show you.”

The things she couldn’t remember came rushing back to her. She saw herself racing through levels on the video game she’d been waiting for, cleaning her kitchen, and buying groceries. 

She saw herself at the grocery store, examining kitchen utensils. Vanessa settled on a large kitchen knife.

She saw herself back in her apartment, getting ready for her therapy appointment, sticking the knife in her bag. 

Vanessa gasped, or at least tried too. But the thing, whatever it was, had a vice-grip on her throat. Preventing her from calling out for help. 

“Now, now, don’t be like that. We can do this the easy way, or…”

She shook her head, Maria saw this and assumed Vanessa was talking to her because she turned around to rummage around in a bin behind her desk. A candy bin for anxious patients, to give her something to focus on. Which usually worked wonders. 

Usually. 

Her body tensed up. 

“The hard way it is.”

Vanessa tried to scream. The sound didn’t reach beyond herself. 

A hand-her own hand, though she wasn’t moving it-slipped into her bag. It rifled around, finally wrapping around a handle of some sort. It was small and almost felt like a-

Vanessa felt her face stretch into a wide, almost uncomfortable grin. 

Her therapist turned back, placing a few bubblegum suckers on her desk. Vanessa’s favorite. 

“Vanessa, what…are you alright?” 

Vanessa watched on in horror, trapped in her own body, as she lunged at Dr. Torrez. Knife out and aimed at her heart. 

She screamed. 

It did no good. 

The attack was over quickly. But not quickly enough. Blood covered the walls, desk, and even the ceiling. 

The last thing she saw before she woke up was a framed photo on her desk. A little boy, no older than two or three, with chocolate brown hair and big eyes the color of honey. He was smiling, holding a raggedy-looking bear plushie to his chest. 

…Gregory…

-x-x-x-

“What the fuck is wrong with you!” The man glared at him, looking two seconds away from pummeling Luis right then and there. He probably already would have if not for Gregory.

“I can explain,” Luis said, waving his arms around frantically. “We didn’t kidnap him.”

“Oh. Well, did he just waltz out of the daycare by himself, drive all the way to Hurricane, and force you to take him in?”

“No, my girlfriend found him in an alley. He was in rough shape.”

The man relaxed a little. “Gregory, is this true?” 

Gregory nodded, resting his forehead against his father’s shoulder. “Uh, huh.”

“Then who took you?”

“Miss Cheyenne.”

The man scowled, patting his son’s back. “God, I’ve always despised that woman.” Looking down at Gregory his expression softened just a little. “I suppose I should thank you then, for looking after my son.”

Luis nodded, unable to conjure up words. 

“Though, I do need to meet your girlfriend. You said she was the one that found him, right?”

Again, he nodded. 

“Well, I’m not doing anything right now. So, how about I follow you back to your place. We can clear up any misunderstanding, and me and Gregory can be on our way.”

“...Okay…” 

Luis turned towards the entrance of the mall, feeling weirdly numb. Shouldn’t he be happier? This was what they’ve wanted this whole time… Wasn’t it?

“Oh,” the man started, walking side-by-side with Luis, “I’ve never introduced myself, have I?”

Luis can’t bring himself to respond, but the man continued on anyway. 

“Evan Afton,” he said, happier than before. 

The name felt familiar, but Luis couldn’t focus on anything besides getting back to Vanessa’s apartment, and trying to explain what just went down. Hopefully she’s calmed down enough.

“Luis Cabrera,” he muttered back.

[ikamigami]

Chapter 2 is here!

Title: Dark clouds

Characters for chapter 2: Sun, Moon, Eclipse (only voice in red colour) (Lunar only mentioned)

Rating: M (heavy topics and very mild language)

TW for chapter 2: gore, self-harm, intrusive thoughts, slight depiction of violence, self-depreciation, blood self-hatred, self-disgust (I hope I didn't overlooked anything)

Feel free to point any language mistakes or lack of sense in sentences (cause English isn't my native language. I only wrote it in English because I wanted to share this with as many fans I could). Positive criticism is welcomed. Please don't be rude. And don't come at me for how I depicted characters because this is my interpratation of them.

Chapter 1 Chapter 3

DARK CLOUDS

Chapter 2 - Is it really just a nightmare?

Sun woke up with strange feeling. He took look around his room. He was sitting on his bed. He didn't remember what he dreamt about but he had a strange feeling which he couldn't shake off. Something was not right. He looked on a time on his left arm. It was exactly the time to start a work at a Daycare. And it definitely wasn't a time to think about any strange feelings or anything like that.

Sun was preparing for work when he finally realise what this strange feeling was. He didn't hear any voice in his head. And to be more specific he didn't hear Moon's voice. He felt a pang in his heart. Only few moments later he remembered that they got separated. Or rather it was Moon who did that. Another pang in a heart. Moon doesn't want you anymore. He doesn't need you. Sun shrinked at this strange thought. What was that? He thought to himself. He didn't recognized this voice. Nevermind. I need to get to work. Stop thinking about things that doesn't matter.

The day was going somewhat okay for now. Moon couldn't help with the Daycare though because he must to adjust to his new body. But it was okay for Sun because he's worked alone before so it wasn't like he couldn't handle a couple of days without help. He still felt that strange feeling from morning but he tried not to think about it. Everything is fine. He tried to reassure himself. But the strange feeling was only strengthening with passing time.

When naptime came one of the kids couldn't sleep but that wasn't a problem in itself. The real problem was a fact that said kid didn't want to calm down and was annoyingly loud. Sun normally could handle this type of situations like a professional (which he was, yeah say that to yourself, ? nevermind) but this day wasn't that good for him from the start. Sun felt like builded up anxiety started to get a toll on him and he started getting more frustrated with every minute. But at the same time he felt very off. Something wasn't right. Moon handled this things somehow... It's a shame that there is no Moon anymore. And yet again this strange voice. He started getting closer to the bratty kid. Sun grabbed him to get him to a corner so they could talk things out and wouldn't wake other kids up. But when he was about to drag the kid out he suddenly lost track of what was going on. And when he regained consciousness he saw something which he won't ever forget.

The Daycare looked like after some massacre. Every kid looked like they got mauled by some beast. Sun couldn't think at all. His mind was blank. He didn't even realise that he sinked heavily on the rubber floor and that he grabbed his own head so hard he could pull it off anytime now. Then all of a sudden his mind was flooded with sudden thoughts. How could that happen?! How is it possible?! Moon isn't in my head anymore! There is no Moon with kill code anymore! So how?! How... ?! And then the sudden realisation hit him as if someone throw a ton of bricks at him. If it wasn't Moon... If it wasn't Moon with kill code... Then... Then that... That means... Means... It... It was... Y M O E U ! !

He felt like his whole life left his body at that moment. He went limp and his hands hit rubber floor lifelessly. Only then Sun saw that he had blood dripping from them. And that his whole body was covered in blood. And that the whole Daycare was covered in blood. Blood was literally everywhere. So much blood. Too much blood. Sun's never seen anything like that. Even Moon never did anything brutal like that. No, that wasn't right. Even Moon with kill code didn't do anything as brutal as... that! And Sun has seen a lot because he was the one who cleaned after every mess... or every "incident" Moon caused... So tell me... Hasn't it been always your fault actually, hmm...? No! N-no... right..? It-it... Sun stuttered within his own thoughts. And suddenly he remembered. He remembered everything.

Maybe Moon really had been harming all those people. And that's true. But he did that because of the kill code. Not out of his own voluntariness. Sun knew that Moon wouldn't want to harm anyone (especially innocent ones). But it wasn't only Moon's body. It was also his body (and someone could even say that it is (was) mainly HIS body). So why on Earth he didn't do anything to stop Moon from hurting others?! Maybe you're more responsible than you've ever thought? Right..? Right... Sun could've done something, right? He could've tried harder to prevent Moon from doing bad things, right? Yeah, Sun wasn't the smartest animatronic in the world (he was the dumbest one actually) but it didn't mean that he should give up on trying. Or maybe he was only making cheap excuses for himself? It was always so easy to hide behind the mask of stupidity, right? Taking no responsiblities for your own actions and to no one expects anything from you. Easy and happy life, right? Maybe it was really all Sun's fault? Definitely. He let it all to happen. Even though he should've been a support for Moon. And at the end of the day he blamed his own brother for all of this. As if Moon didn't try to fight the kill code. But it wasn't the worst thing about it. Sun really had the audacity to act like he's never done anything wrong and he was the innocent one. Disgusting.

He's vision became blurry and he almost felt like he might loose his consciousness any minute now. But then came another thought. Much darker than those before. Thought which made his insides churn (if that was even possible). What if you liked it? What if you liked when Moon was hurting others? What if you wanted all of this to happen? What if you're just... B A D..? Bad..? At this moment Sun felt like everything around him froze in place. Like time has stopped. His vision has been slowly overcomed by darkness and his breath has gotten caught in his own throat when he was processing words coming from this foreign voice in his head. And when he finally fully grasped the meaning behind them he let out the loudest bloodcurdling scream his lungs have ever produced. He started to breath rapidly while being unable to take any deep breath. He was panicking. He couldn't see anything before him. He couldn't hear anything. He didn't even realise when Moon got behind him and tried to got to him.

It felt like an eternity to Sun before he realised that Moon was there and was asking him about something. He tried his best to understand what his brother was saying. He barely could pick up that Moon was asking him about what happened. Sun couldn't focuss on anything. His mind still has been stucked with that one thought of him being bad. Everything else was fuzzy. Eventually he mumbled quietly under his breath that he doesn't know what happened. Liar. He shrinked at the thought. It wasn't true. He wasn't liar, right..? He wasn't bad, right..? He didn't do that, right..? Then who did that? Then who..? Sudden movement coming from Moon who helped Sun stand up from rubber floor, broke his train of thoughts.

- ...there you go... - he heard Moon's voice near his head yet like it was from afar at the same time. It almost felt like they were still together in one body. But then he remembered that they were not anymore. The sudden reminder of this sad reality caused another pang in Sun's heart. He didn't want to feel it. He just wish for this awful feeling to go away. The feeling that Moon doesn't want to have anything to do with Sun anymore. That Moon doesn't like him that much. That maybe Moon doesn't love him. No! Stop it! Moon isn't like that! And you know that you deserve this. To be left alone. You don't deser-

- I- I didn't do... that... - Sun wispered. He didn't want to listen to this damn voice anymore. He didn't do that. He didn't even know what has happened.

- Are you sure that it wasn't you? - he heard Moon's voice behind him.

- Wha... - Sun couldn't process what was going on. In one moment Moon was helping him get up but in another one he was saying something with a little bit of dissapointment in his voice? And what exactly did Moon said just now? Sun tried to turn around to look at his brother. He barely could move but he managed somehow to turn his head at least. His vision was deceiving him. It has to be like that. Because how one could explain that they weren't in Daycare anymore but in their secret base? What..? How..? Sun was wondering about what just happened but Moon cut in asking:

- How can you know that you didn't do that? - Wha..? What the hell was going on? - Eclipse said that you killed that agent. - Moon continued. Sun was shocked. Eclipse?! But who is Eclip-..? His mind couldn't comprehend what his brother meant at first but then he remembered. Eclipse took control over him at that interview. Something wasn't right. Sun could feel it. He didn't knew why but he felt like there was a huge gap in his memories. He kind of didn't remember how exactly he found himself here? But more important was what Moon said a moment ago. How could Moon believe in whatever Eclipse told him? Sun felt betrayed. Oi, oi! How so?! What now?! How can YOU of all people feel betrayed?! And by your own brother. How dare you? Just how dar- He didn't kill anyone! He didn't do that... right..? Actually, yes, you did- No! Yes, you d-

- I didn't do that! - he shouted out loud while he was raising his hands up in the air. Only then he realised that there was still blood on them. How..?! Something was wrong. Where did th-that blood come f-from..? Suddenly he couldn't remember what he wanted to say and why he even was there. Everything began to blurr. Sun started breathing heavily while he was looking at his own hands covered in blood. He quickly forgot about Moon and what his brother said to him. He only wished for this blood to be gone. He slowly started rubbing his hands against each other to get rid of red stains. But it wasn't enough. It didn't work. Why..? He started to rubb his hands faster and harder. S-stupid... s-stupid... b-b-blood... Sun started to panick more and more when the blood didn't want to come off.

- C-come on..! Wh-why can't you just dissapear..?! - he began mumbling to himself with frustration rising in his voice. He didn't even realise that their surroundings changed until something poked him in the eye. - H-hey..! I-I... - Sun turn his head toward direction he thought the poking came from. - m... bus... M-moon..? B-but h-how..? Wh-what's going... on..? - Sun mumbled. He couldn't wrapped his head around what just happened.

- Hey! - said Moon in weirdly mischievous tone (not suiting him but it was still Moon's voice nonetheless) and giggled.

- Wh-why... did you do that..? - Sun asked a little disoriented by what was going on. W-wait..! A second..! Hold on! Did Moon just giggled..?! It couldn't be, could it..? Sun shook his head to clear his mind a little and only then he realised where they were. It... couldn't... be... He felt nauseated. No, no, no, no, no, no-

- Are you sure it wasn't you? - Moon interrupted his train of thoughts yet again with this weird mischievous tone. He poked Sun in the eye again and again and again. It started getting on Sun's nerves more and more. He couldn't even think it all through.

- C-could you stop doing this?! - Sun barked at Moon. He said it much louder than he wanted but he couldn't care less at the moment. - I can't think..! Hey! - but Moon didn't seem like he wanted to stop and he kept poking Sun not only in the eye but all over his face. He also kept taunting him.

- Oh, there you are! Our unhinged Sunny! Your true colours are showing, aren't they, huh!? Huh!? So tell me now, that you didn't do that! That you didn't kill all those people! - Moon's tone became even more like one of those cartoon's goons voices. He was grinning at Sun while he was skipping from one foot to another. This irritated Sun even more. But he couldn't shake off the dreading feeling he was feeling since he realised where they were.

- Stop it... I'm not... in the mood... huh... - Sun sighed heavily. What on Earth is going on?! What am I even doing here?! How I even found myself here?! It can't be! It just can't..! I, I, I... That's impossible... - He started to numb to his surroundings and to whatever the hell "this" Moon was doing. Maybe numbness could help him gather his thoughts. Sun's gaze went past the illusion of his brother. He was gazing into the dark void between the two cloudy things rushing over his head and below his feet. It was the same damn place he was sitting in, for how long now...? He couldn't remember. The best place to spend rest of your damn miserable life. Your stupid headspace, you fucking moron. How could you forget that you didn't escape? You can't escape from here! What a dumb fucker! Nicely said. You're starting to get better at this. It's good that you're starting to accept reality. How long it took you? Hmm... Let's see... Only to the point when you both were taken over. How nice of you, am I right? I-I...

Sun looked at his own hands yet again. They were still covered in blood. You know it won't ever go away. Sun wished that the voice was wrong but he knew better. Now, he knew better. He sighed trying to curl in himself. "Fake" Moon didn't stop teasing him reciting every sin Sun has ever done. He wished that all of this could go away. But it won't. I... I know... The sigh escaped his mouth again. But the feeling that something wasn't right didn't go away either. It only seemed to increase with each passing second. The sudden shiver went down his spine. Oh... So you've finally realised... The weird glee coming from the voice froze Sun's insides and he began taking quicker and shorter breaths. No, no, no, no, no, no- He remembered. He remembered what happened on July 16th.

The gore-ish memories started flooding his mind. And the nausea started hitting him again. He remembered how he was tearing through children's bodies. How he was ripping their heads of. And that blood was flowing endlessly from their mutilated and smashed corpses. And how he was breathing heavily in ecstasy. He did that... HE did all of that! I did that... I really... did that... Sun stopped breathing completely. His stomach flipped from disgust and he felt like he was going to vomit. Oh, poor Sunny! Blegh! You veil piece of shit! Vicious beast! Filthy abhorrent degenerate! Disgusting cunt! Damned son of a bitch! How can you keep going? How can you live with all that?

I-I... His vision became hazy. He felt like his head weighed a ton. Despite splitting headache he had, his mind wasn't blank. New images began rushing through his head. He started to remember. He remembered everything. Him killing those kids like a crazed maniac. Him killing that agent with cold blood. Him putting the maternity chip in Roxanne's head without any remorse. It was all his fault. I can't ever be forgiven. Sun felt strong tremble coming from his insides through his whole body. He gagged until he was able to vomit. He looked at his own vomits. Everything was blurry. He wanted all of this to be gone. Accompanied by all those awful thoughts about himself he kept puking. He decided that it was better like that. Every new wave of memories of his horrible sins didn't let him stop. With each gagg Sun was trembling more and more until he started thrashing so terribly that he thought that he's going to shunt apart any moment now. Even when he started to feel excrutiating amount of pain Sun didn't even bother to stop. His insides were burning. He was feeling like he's lungs were on fire from not taking proper breaths. But he couldn't care less about his well-being at this point. How could he actually?

All this throwing up made Sun tear up. Crying was forcing him to catch breath but because he kept puking, he began to choke on his own vomit stuck in his throat. But even then he didn't bother to stop. He couldn't. Even if he'll probably going to suffocate himself to death. It didn't matter to him. It doesn't matter... I'm so... awful! I should be dead! Blood Moon should've killed me that time! Why I have to still be alive?! Why I always have to mess up everything?! Why Moon couldn't have anyone better than me?! Why Lunar couldn't be Moon's brother from the beginning?! Why everyone must put up with my shit?! It's unfair! It's unfair to Moon! To Lunar! To everyone! I-I..! I-I..! ...m jus... tired... Sun's body collapsed from extreme exhaustion and his mind drifted into long awaited nothingness.

[starrysky28]

Time Heals All Wounds

Title: Time Heals All Wounds

Rating: T

Words: 1852

Warnings: None

Summary: Bennett accidentally injures Kaeya while sword training. Diluc later gets wind of this while working at the tavern and goes to see him.

It was a cool spring morning in the bustling, windy city of Mondstadt. Everything was business as usual. The sun was shining, the shops were just opening their doors for the day, and the clanking of iron swords rang out from outside the Knights of Favonius headquarters.

“Ah, it seems you’ve gotten stronger, Bennett”, Kaeya smiled.

“Sure have!”, Bennett huffed, catching his breath.

The two had spent the morning sparring and training, as Kaeya had promised him earlier that week. Unlike most people, who were often turned off by his streak of bad luck, Kaeya took quite a liking to Bennett and vice versa. Possibly because he reminded Kaeya of a younger version of a certain someone who he used to be close with.

”You up for another round, Sir Kaeya?”

”I would, but I should probably get to work before I get a scolding from Master Jean”

”Aw, please Sir Kaeya?”, the young teen begged.

”Well…”, Kaeya then remembered all the boring paperwork that would be sitting on his desk when he returned, and thought that one more short round of sparring couldn’t hurt.

”Alright, One more round”, he gave in, chuckling at Bennett’s persistence.

With that, the two held their swords out in front of them and backed up, then, they ran towards each other. Bennett really wanted to show him his full potential this time, of course, without his unluckiness getting the best of him.

His lack of luck, however, didn’t cross his mind at the moment. Initially aiming for the left side of Kaeya’s sword, Bennett shot forward, then swung. Too bad his aim wasn’t as accurate as he pictured.

“AGH!”

Instead of hitting his sword, Bennett’s sword missed, slicing right into Kaeya’s left side, just above his hip.

”Sir Kaeya! Are you okay?!”, Bennett shouted.

Kaeya did not respond. His sword immediately fell to the ground. His face retorted in pain as his hands clutched his left side.

He watched in fear as Kaeya fell to his knees, breathing shakily. His hands then unclenched the area where he’d been hit, which revealed a large, deep red bloodstain on his undershirt.

As soon as Bennett saw this, he gasped and began to panic.   “S-Somebody! Help! Somebody help him!!”, he stuttered out.

Luckily, this got the attention of some nearby knights who were on guard, who ran over to help.

“What’s going on?!”, one shouted back.

Then, they got closer and saw what had happened.

”Captain!”

The two knights ran over to Kaeya, who was now lying on the ground staring up at the sky, his vision starting to blur.

“What happened to him?!”, one of them asked.

Bennett’s eyes welled up with tears. He didn’t know what to say or do. All he knew was that his friend was hurt.

”Quick, we need to take him to the infirmary immediately. Call the others to inform Master Jean”

“Yes, sir”

The two knights hardly watched as the boy’s sniffles turned into quiet sobs.

As one of the knights tried to lift him up, Kaeya felt as if the whole world began to spin. Then, his vision went dark.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Sister Rosaria, you can't keep being late to morning prayer! You should know how important that is!", one of the nuns scolded. 

Rosaria, who was a fashionable four and a half hours late, simply rolled her eyes in annoyance, "Geez, y’know it’s Saturday, right? And I just happened to oversleep that's all"

"Yes, but this is the third time this week! Besides, isn't it such a waste to sleep until ten everyday?"

"Doesn't waking up at six every morning tire you?"

Suddenly, a frantic Barbara bursts through the door, "Sister Rosaria, come quick!"

"What is it now?!", she groaned.

"It's the cavalry captain! He's injured!"

"Pfft, probably tried to climb up to the roof of the tavern again while drunk", Rosaria snorted.

"No, really! come see!"

Rosaria gave in and followed Barbara into the infirmary, where they found three or four nuns all huddled around the doorway of one of the rooms, and a sad-looking boy sitting in a chair just outside of it.

She shook her head in disbelief, "It can't be that serious"

She then pushed through the crowd of nuns, which revealed a barely-conscious Kaeya laying in a bed with a rather large bloodstain on the left side of the shirt he was wearing.

"What the...Kaeya, what happened?"

"He was stabbed. Apparently, it was completely by accident too", said a nun preparing bandages.

Rosaria was annoyed now, "No, I want him to tell me"

"You can try to talk to him, but we sedated him to numb the pain”

“Kaeya, what’s one plus one?”

“Nghh…It’s…April??”, he slurred.

Rosaria looked at Kaeya and sighed. There was no use in getting information from him in this state.

As she began to storm out of the room, she noticed a tall young woman, the acting grand master, Jean, kneeling down in front of the boy in the hallway. 

“Bennett, please don’t cry. It’s okay, you didn’t mean it. You just have to be more careful in the future”, she soothed.

“Wait a minute! You mean this is the kid who did this to him?!”, blurted Rosaria, who had overheard the conversation.

Bennett then proceeded to burst into tears again.

”Oh, Sister Rosaria! Please don’t say such things!”, Barbara cried out, rushing to Bennett’s side.

”Don’t worry about a thing! Though, I’m afraid our dear Sister Rosaria can be a little…rough on others to say the least…”

Staying all peppy in even the toughest of situations was one of the many things she didn’t understand about Barbara. However, while deciding to ignore that last comment, she left the infirmary.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

It was a late night at the Angel’s Share, but the tavern was still filled to the brim with people taking a load off after a long day of work.

While Diluc, the tavern’s bartender and heir to the Dawn Winery was hard at work himself preparing drinks for patrons, he couldn’t help but notice that a certain regular was missing.

However, as he was cleaning a few empty glasses, he overheard a conversation between two older men.

”Hey, so did ya hear?”

”About what?”

”About the Cavalry Captain”

It was at that moment that Diluc’s head perked up.

“Oh yeah, what about him?”

”Apparently he was stabbed this morning”

”Oh, really? And who did it?”

“Turns out some clumsy kiddo from the Adventurers Guild did it on accident” 

“Huh. Who would’ve thought some kid could take down the cavalry captain himself!”

The two men shared a laugh. Diluc, on the other hand was not amused. He slammed down the glass he had been cleaning, the loud noise frightening the old men out of their laughter, and stormed out of the bartending station.

”Ah, now where do ya think he’s off to?”, one commented.

Diluc made his way upstairs to a much quieter part of the tavern, where Charles was sweeping the floor. 

“Charles, I need you to tend the bar for the rest of the evening, can you do that?”, he asked, grabbing his black coat from the hanger.

Charles was confused. Diluc almost never let him tend the bar unless it was a day he wasn’t there.

“Yes, sir”, he agreed nonetheless.

Without another word, Diluc left through the upstairs door.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

Many thoughts ran through Diluc’s head as he rushed through the dark, empty streets to the cathedral. How did this happen? And how did he not hear of it until now?

More importantly, why did he care so much all of a sudden? It was Kaeya of all people. Why was he running? It almost felt as if his mind wasn’t in control of his body. 

Diluc soon reached the top of the staircase leading towards the church, and while he knew well that since it was late at night, the nuns had probably already locked up for the day, meaning that he needed to strategize a way to get in.

Lucky for him, he didn’t need one after all. In his first attempt to open the door, it appeared that it hadn’t been locked at all. Perhaps it wasn’t just the knights who were inefficient.

Upon inspection, however, the interior candles had all been blown out for the night. Even so, Diluc was on high alert just in case someone really was there.

He was able to sneak around the main room with no problem and eventually made his way into the infirmary. Maybe there wasn’t anyone here after all. 

That seemed to be the case at least, until a soft snore interrupted Diluc’s thoughts.

He glanced over at a chair near one of the doorways, where he saw Bennett, who was sound asleep.

Thats when it all came together. “Clumsy kid”,  “stabbing”, “accident”. Bennett must’ve been the one who did this. Diluc also knew how much he cared about Kaeya, as he talked about how cool he was constantly whenever they saw each other.

”Poor kid. Must’ve gotten left here all alone”, Diluc said to himself.

He then walked over to one of the shelves in the corridor, grabbed one of the blankets, and carefully wrapped it around him. 

Diluc quietly entered Kaeya’s room and approached the bed.

He appeared to be asleep, breathing slowly, his long hair out of its usual ponytail and strewn across his pillow, his face somehow looking both pained and relaxed at the same time.

Diluc looked down and noticed the left side of his body largely wrapped in bandages.

He secretly hated seeing him like this, and he was sure Kaeya hated people seeing him like that even more so.

It was at that moment that Diluc couldn’t help but feel so guilty. He wished nothing more than to get over what had happened between them all those years ago, but he couldn’t. He couldn’t because he was so hurt by everything that happened on that fateful day. 

Then, he realized he what he had to do. If he wanted so badly to improve their relationship, and to no longer feel the guilt of the past, he knew he had no other choice but to force himself. To apologize, that is.

But what about Kaeya? Would he accept his apology? Because Kaeya, like him, had changed too since that day. Still, he wanted things to change. So, he did what he didn’t have the heart to do for many years, and that was to apologize.

Diluc kneeled over next to Kaeya’s bedside, tears welling up in his eyes for the first time in years.

”Brother…”, his voice cracked softly

”I’m sorry”

…

”I’m sorry too”, a voice whispered back.

Diluc’s eyes widened. He looked up and saw Kaeya’s eyes opened slightly and smiled at Diluc.

”…You little sneak, you’re awake?!”

”I’ve been awake since you came in. You have very loud footsteps believe it or not”

“Kaeya…I-“

”Don’t say anything else…it’s okay now”

Kaeya carefully sat up, as so not to harm himself, and opened his arms up for a hug.

To which Diluc accepted.

The End

[dojimakaichou]

30. against the wall kiss (any verse but Daigo is the one against the wall!)

★. ―

Daigo's feet gradually slowed as he neared his destination. He glanced at his watch and puffed out a breath. 5:14 in the morning — the perfect time for a run in his opinion, given the lack of pedestrians on the sidewalks. There were still the usual drunks and ruffians about, but he dealt with those better than he did the average folk. Especially now that his face was back to flitting in and out of the gossip rags.

Instinctively, he jerked the old Giants cap on his head down. Another few steps took him to where he needed. Daigo glanced up from under his hat, hands briefly rubbing together. He blew into them, head tilted thoughtfully.

From down here, the all - too familiar banner announcing his husband's business was difficult to see. Its proud blue print had faded over the years. Nevertheless, Daigo knew which set of windows to look at — it helped that they were the only lit ones. With an amused smile, the ex - yakuza began the trek up to Sky Finance.

The door was, of course, unlocked. Daigo chuckled : his intuition had been right. Akiyama's last text before the former Chairman went to bed suggested that the tired loan shark was going to merely rest his head before heading home. Daigo quietly pushed his way into the small office, unable to help his grin.

You're going to fall asleep there, he remembered teasing last night. I'll be fine, Akiyama had said.

Really, neither of their final messages was wrong, Daigo reflected as he closed the door. His fingers made sure to flick the lock this time. Thankfully, the moneylender appeared to be both blissfully asleep on his desk and unharmed. Daigo's smile became tender as he looked over at the younger man, who was currently little more than a mess of gray - stained brown locks atop folded arms.

The ex - yakuza shrugged off his thin jacket and threw it onto the closest sofa. He stretched leisurely on his way across the room. At Akiyama's side, Daigo paused to study what he could see of his husband's face. His lover appeared to be strangely comfortable in this position, which would have broken Daigo in half these days. Black eyes flicked up to the few photographs that the loan shark kept with him here. Kisuke's last birthday, a picture of the boy when he was barely knee - high, and Akiyama's favorite shot of Daigo kissing their son's head while he carried the half - awake toddler through a park. These were not the sort of mementos that Daigo could keep in his own office, and sighed with a wistful fondness at the memories that Akiyama chose to have with him ( amid the piles of files and stacks of books ).

Perhaps it was Daigo's little exhalation or the former Chairman's shadow moving over him — Akiyama wouldn't be able to say later. All of the sudden, he woke up. A startled yell left him as he scrambled to his feet, adrenaline coursing through his body. Before Daigo could get anything out, Akiyama's knee came up. The ex - yakuza felt it connect with a particularly sensitive area as his arms wrapped around the loan shark's torso. With a pained grunt, Daigo fell back into the wall.

Akiyama's hands splayed against the wall as he finished blinking the last of the sleep out of his eyes. Daigo's cap had ended up on the floor thanks to the force that he had shoved his head against the wall with. One fist held tight to the loan shark's shirt while his other grabbed at his groin through his joggers. What his fingers wrapped around made Akiyama realize what he had done ( or, rather, hit in his blind panic ).

"I got you in the . . . " Akiyama trailed off. He laughed abruptly. "Shit, Dojima. Are you okay ??"

Daigo hissed between his teeth. Now that Akiyama was standing more steady, he opted to lean his forehead into the younger man's shoulder. Both of them were breathing heavily. The loan shark's wrinkled shirt smelled like stale smoke and cheap ramen. In other words, a long day of collections work at Hana's orders.

"I am going to vomit," Daigo finally managed, muffled.

Akiyama swallowed back another laugh and laid his cheek against Daigo's hair. "Mm, I wouldn't recommend it. I don't have anything to wash that out here except for lukewarm soda." The loan shark narrowed his eyes. "Your clothes — were you out running ?? How long — ??"

He flicked his wrist over. Luckily, Akiyama still favored an analog watch, otherwise he would have had to worry about a run down battery. The loan shark cursed under his breath, face a mix of shock and embarrassment that ( fortunately ) Daigo couldn't see.

"Ah," was all he said.

After a few minutes, the ex - yakuza put his back to the wall again. He swallowed, blew out a breath, and began to rub at the new sore spot on his body. Daigo stared down at Akiyama through his glasses, a single brow raised. Confident that his husband was not going to crash to the floor, Akiyama eased away. A hand scratched at the back of his head sheepishly.

"You look good," he said. The comment was genuine : Daigo tended to favor compression gear when he worked out, which left nothing to the imagination.

Daigo chuckled. He shook his head, reached for his husband's shirt collar, and pulled him in for a kiss. Akiyama obliged gladly, palm pressed to Daigo's cheek apologetically. Normally, he would grumble about boosting himself up that last stretch to meet Daigo, but it didn't seem fair this morning. The former Chairman tasted like a mix of coffee and chocolate ( the latter likely from a protein shake of some kind ). Akiyama sampled it gladly.

When they were through, Daigo stepped away from the wall. He limped toward the far sofa and sat on the edge of it gingerly. The ex - yakuza spread his legs and leaned back. Akiyama covered another fit of laughter behind an unconvincing cough and scrounged up a cigarette. It was funny.

"So, it's Saturday, then," he ventured.

Daigo nodded, idly scratching at his beard. "It is."

Akiyama moved closer to the ex - yakuza and offered his smoke. "Are you working ??"

"No." Daigo accepted the cigarette and inhaled deeply. Once the ashy tang of the nicotine had sufficiently coated his tongue, he released the gray cloud and handed the cigarette back. "Kisuke has therapy at one. I believe that is the only thing on our family calendar today."

"Therefore, he is not getting up before noon," Akiyama teased, voice tinged with affection for their son. The fifteen - year - old slept like his father, as if he were a dead man, and never crawled out of his bed without one of his parents waking him first.

"Probably not."

The loan shark decided to sit across from his husband on the little coffee table. It was surprisingly clean, free of the usual magazines. Akiyama crossed his legs, placed his elbow on his knee, and propped his chin up using the heel of his hand. "Considering you are not going to be running any time soon, how about I treat you to breakfast ??" He flashed one of his practically enchanting, perfect smiles.

Daigo issued a grunt in reply, fingers running through his hair. "You are too damn charming for your own good, Shun," he answered.

"You married this," the moneylender replied immediately ( and with no small amount of pleasure ).

"I know." Daigo winced as he adjusted his position. " — I wouldn't have it any other way."

Akiyama's grin broadened. "Even when I kick you in the nuts accidentally, first thing in the morning ??"

Finally, Daigo let out a loud bark of laughter. At that, the expression that Akiyama wore softened considerably. It was like the sun had come into the room — the way the entire former Chairman's body reacted when he showed that kind of joy. Very few people got to see this, and Akiyama was proud to be among that select group.

"Sure, Shun," the ex - yakuza sighed. "Even then."

[vodka-redbull-daily]

October 21st, 2023

*Graphic Sexual Content*

I took a little bit of a nap before getting up again at midnight.  I had told D-- that I was going into work today and originally that had been my plan. Back when we had made this plan like a week ago. D-- was very clearly a fake name or nickname but I don’t really care. It’s not like I’m actually looking to get to know him on that kind of level. If he wants to use a fake name, it’s whatever. Honestly, I should probably also do that. All the way back when I used to try and sell feet pics, I went by Erin Red. Maybe I should pick up that alias again. he seems pretty okay with me only being able to come see him after I get off work which is way too fucking early in the morning. he lives all the way out and Elgin too. That was a full hour drive from where I am.  but he wants to pay me 400.  might as well go.

We've been sexting throughout the week. I guess that's what it is. I keep saying messaging, texting, talking to, but I guess when you get down to it it is sexting. role-playing out sexual encounters through the phone, him constantly sending me dick pics, talking about what he was going to do to me when he finally got a hold of me. I've been talking this way with B--, S--,  and probably pretty much most of them if I think about it. and for some reason it didn't hit me until just now that I was sexing them. and that I probably should be charging for it. Maybe my mom was right. Maybe I am too much of a slut for my own good. I was honestly just enjoying myself and didn't even think about charging for it.

I got dressed and texted him that I was leaving. I was out the door by 1:00.  I stopped at the gas station  on the way there to fill up since we would be such a long drive and also got some red bull. i need that caffeine to keep me awake and Spunky since I had already had so much sex today  and was honestly caught off guard by how good it was with B------.  I was kind of hoping it would be mostly a let down like it was with everybody else. I'm all for sleeping with three different people in one day, but I was still a little bit sore from B------. don't get me wrong, I liked it. feeling sore between my thighs actually continuously turned around throughout the day  and that little bit of blood in my underwear got me all hot.

One of the good things about  it being so early in the morning, or late at night however you want to read it, was that there were almost no other cars on the road. I really don't think I would have gone if I had had to go during the day and fight traffic as well as Drive the entire hour. instead, I mostly just Cruised along the hallway there.  Since it's out in the middle of nowhere, the stars look really nice.

When I got there, I really thought he had either gone to sleep or he had sent me to the wrong address. The entire house was completely dark and the driveway was encircled with trees. I sent him a text and he confirmed that he was in fact there and was actually sitting on the porch. it was just so dark I couldn't see shit. so, I walked up to go say hi to him. For some reason, he just grabbed me and hugged me immediately. I don't know why that was. Maybe I felt less awkward for him but it felt way more Awkward for me. We sat on the porch for a little bit while he had a cigarette and it was really cold since I was wearing shorts and a crop top. He was very old. I mean I should have guessed that since his profile said he was 55 and his pictures showed an older man. but I guess I just forgot that he was actually that old.

so frail, voice doing that weird shaky thing that old people do. and the hug, I could even feel how loose his skin was on his bones. the lack of muscle mass. the beer belly poking out despite there being pretty much no other meat anywhere else on his bones. We sat outside and talked for a little bit about engineering stuff. He was talking about something about how his father had owned a factory that made pizza trays. I didn't really care that much to be honest. Soon enough, we ended up going back to his bedroom.

Once in the bedroom, he wanted to make out for a little bit. We did that as he slowly started to remove my clothes with his shaky ass hands. He made a comment about me being quieter in person that I was over text. I don't think guys understand the difference between having a conversation like that over text versus doing it in real life. I don't have time to think about the response, have time to type it out, see that it looks weird, and redo it. whatever. It wasn't very long before he took off his pants and had me suck his dick.

He had me suck his dick for so long. for such a long time I was just bobbing up and down on his dick as we would get hard and then go soft again.  He really was against me using my hands, apparently really excited by the fact that I had to chase his dick around with my mouth. It was so incredibly boring for me. We went on this for like 20 or 30 minutes. just me sucking his dick while nothing else was happening. He would make all these horrible old man noises. Finally, he had me bend over with my ass in the air and put on a condom. He made some joke about not wanting any more kids. He had barely got to dick inside me when it went soft again.

so, we went back to just sucking. so much to sucking trying to get it hard again. this time, it was just a limp noodle for quite some time. I don't know why I was fighting so hard to get the hard  again. probably because I was horny as fuck at that point and wanted to actually get dicked.  I don't know what's wrong with me, but I could honestly have sex all day long. I'm probably not tired of it. Maybe I should see a doctor about it.

It took another 20 to 30 minutes, but eventually he was up and at ‘em again.  I guess he realized that he shouldn't waste this opportunity since it might not  ever happen again. He put on a new condom, again had my ass up in the air and this time successfully put his dick inside me. He pumped in and out about four times before he came. It was a mixed bag of emotions about it being so short. On the one hand, I obviously didn't cum from that.  on the other, I kind of didn't want to be fucking this old man for hours and preferred it to be shorter rather than longer. Also, he was leaning very heavily on my shoulder, almost as if all of his weight was being pressed down on that hand and it was kind of hurting. 

He apologized for it being so short, but in the same breath was complimenting himself about how good his dick was. He also said that he thought that he was so big that he was hurting me. I know I make a lot of noise in bed and most of the time it's not even for show. I just make noise. but for some reason he confused my usual moans and whippers  for cries of pain, I guess.  We laid there for a little bit more,  made out for a little bit, then we got dressed again. I think I'm starting to realize that going more than one round per person is not very common. I guess I'm just spoiled. with Him,  we used to go over and over again. for hours at a time. we would soak through all the sheets, he would use two or three condoms.  I guess that's what I'm looking for and I'm not going to be able to find it here. 

I got my money off the counter. Four crisp $100 bills.  actually, it was more like two brand new crisp $100 bills on two very old, very wrinkled $100 bills. I made a joke to D----- that they matched him. She was disgusted, but also found it funny. On the drive home, I saw a little bit of a  high speed chase, I guess.  it was literally the middle of nowhere and a cop was following pretty close behind me. I was a little bit worried since my registration has been out for months now and I don't have insurance. He was so far behind me and he had his lights on already that I really didn't know what to do.  Then, I noticed that he was actually following this big van. like one of those kidnapper type bands. The van didn't have his lights on so that's why I hadn't seen it at first, but they were pretty quickly catching up to me and I was speeding a little bit.

(I always speed a little bit. sue me)

 The van and the cops weren't going incredibly fast, but they were definitely going faster than me. He came all the way from miles and miles behind me before they both finally passed me. I kind of pulled a little over to the side  because I wasn't really sure what was going on. I just wanted to get out of their way.  if the van was helping the cops, then it wouldn't want to be on their way in case the cops got pissed off at me for being too slow. and if the van wasn't helping the cops, then I didn't really want to help out the cops because fuck that shit. on the other hand, depending on what the van was in trouble for, maybe I should have helped? who cares. again, they weren't actually driving that fast so I don't know if it was really a chase. It was just weird. They drove past me, again not zooming past me, just driving, and ended up getting so far ahead of me that it wasn't really my problem anymore. 

Total Earned: $1,400

Body Count: 7

Dick Pics: 6

Sex Ranking:

B------

Him

T-----

R--

T-----

D--

M---

[dzpenumbra]

12/12/22

Today was intense, but overall good. The meds hit Max really hard last night. She could barely walk. I was really babysitting her around the stairs, it just completely slipped my mind that last time she did these meds we were in a one-story house, now we're in a loft. After a bit of juggling and making sure her needs were met, we went to bed. She woke me up a few hours later by peeing on the weighted blanket next to me. I honestly couldn't even tell if it was pee at first, it thought she had drooled. It was very confusing. I just had to soak it up and wash it out with a pair of socks, I really didn't have anything else, then I got back to sleep.

Then, in the AM, she wouldn't eat her dosed breakfast, not all of it. I tried every strategy I knew. I do have to say, with how extremely stressful and powerless that kind of situation made me feel, I'm very proud of my emotional management of it. I didn't lose my cool at all, I stayed calm and encouraging and tried to make the best of it all.

The appointment went well. The nurse was very nice and high energy, and had pretty eyes. Yeah, I'm feeling overwhelmingly single lately. But it's not like I have ever gone out and like... hit on people... so, I just was nice and friendly, like I usually am. I wonder why I'm single... The doctor was very nice, and attractive as well. So it just made me feel a lot more comfortable, honestly. People around my age, who were treating me really nice and like a peer, and were being incredibly sweet to my cat. Just a really nice feeling.

She got the blood draw, I'm guessing I'll get the results in the next couple days. She was super cooperative, despite not getting all the meds in her system. We discussed some better joint supplements to try out, which we will soon, they were out of stock.

Honestly, I could go through the entire day and list off a dozen awesome things that happened. And I will. I got a chair as an early christmas present and built it and it's really nice. I ordered Grubhub for lunch and it was awesome. I did laundry and enjoyed it. I took the recycling out. I cooked dinner. If so many good things happened today, why am I in a shit mood?

It's 2AM. Again. I lost track of time again. I lost track of my cat's prescription, it's hard to see what the level in the applicator thing is and I have no idea when it's going to run out, so I panic-ordered a refill and got overnight delivery. I'm... becoming more aware of my distractibility and lack of memory and shit. Like... it's bit me in the ass before. And I try so goddamn hard, I have so many systems and shit but sometimes things just... slide through the cracks. I hate that this is hard for me, it makes me feel stupid, inept.

And then I watched a video. It was about asking people for support with your needs. And it felt like it was said from the perspective of someone who has a lot of people in their life. And it made me flash back to every single friend who turned me down. When I called my former best friend at like 1AM after a severe trauma, like right when it happened, and she excused herself off the phone because she had work in the morning. When I asked my former friend to retweet my tweets announcing I'm going live on Twitch, and he said that was too much to ask and refused to discuss it. When I was having a freakout while on the phone with a friend --- okay, I don't want to relive all this shit again. It was every single one of them. All of them.

I'm afraid my needs are too much for everyone. Like... everyone. They're too much for a friend. They're too much for a best friend. They're "not in the scope of the work that I do" for a therapist or social worker or life coach or vocational counselor. They're too much to bring into a relationship. They're not available from family. So... who do I go to? Like... who do you go to to get your needs met when even the professionals turn you down?

I could hear how difficult it was for this woman to talk about this topic. And it was heart-wrenching and brain-spinning just to listen to and engage with. It really threw the night in a tailspin and uncorked a lot of emotions.

I have the curse of giving and giving and giving, everything that I have and more. And having every person I give to either disappear when they've taken what they want.... or stick around to tell me that what I need is not something they are willing to offer, but they still want to keep taking. You know, cuz that's healthy. Like I even choose what my needs are. And it's fucked up, because over the last like 5 years I started going down this rabbit hole of like... reducing my needs to the smallest amount possible. Asking for as little as possible. And you'd think the problem would change, right? It didn't. It didn't change at all. I walked away from a friend because I told her I wanted to hang out more than once a month, and that "penciling me in" for a phone call a month later was... well... I wish I had said "insulting to our 10 year friendship", but I just kinda froze in disbelief that it was actually happening and quietly but quickly found an emergency exit.

I guess the theme here is... I don't know what to expect from people. And I feel like I am too much for others. I have so much to give. So much love, so much creativity, so much effort, wisdom, strategy. And I really don't feel like my needs are "too much". I would know, I'm literally the only one who has been responsible for them for like... the majority of my life. I have never had a girlfriend that was responsible for my needs, or even really expected to attend to them. Like, I had one girlfriend that has ever even lived with me and I was genuinely surprised when she participated in supporting me with like... medical stuff. Yes, financial support has been present most of my life - at a pretty big cost, to be fair - but emotional, practical, spiritual, psychological support? Hell no. It makes me start to wonder if it's even a real thing, and if so, how rare it is.

Maybe that's why I don't flirt, and why I freeze up when I'm supposed to write a "compliment" on Bumble to like... even have a snowball's chance of being noticed by that person. It's not that I don't know how. There's a really passive, buried, primal reflex that just blanks my brain. I think it's "protecting" me. Protecting me from falling head-over-heels with another... this word is going to sound harsh... parasite.

I'm so blinded by my insecurity around my needs, that I don't see the... irony in all this. I struggle to even voice my needs, to even ask, because I'm afraid it's too much, I'm afraid I'll scare them off, stuff like that. These people that I've been around, that I've been close to. They don't even ask. They fucking take. They walk into my home with boots on and track shit around my house, and casually talk about it knowing that I'm not going to call them out on it. They start emotionally dumping on me without asking permission, and rarely ever --- oh man, I was saving that one, fuck it, let's go bigger. They. Do. Not. Apologize. For. Shit. And me? I apologize for shit I didn't even do. I apologize for my cat trying to get into a locked metal cabinet. I apologize for showing up only 10 minutes early when I was intending to show up 15 minutes early. They walk into my life, take what they want, do what they want, wrap it all around their schedule and their life, then throw a fit when I ask for anything to be done on my terms. To even consider my needs.

I'm scared of meeting another one of those, because my track record is... not good, to say the least. And, more than anything, I'm afraid of not being able to identify them until it's too late. So, I guess the best I can hope for is for them to play their cards early, and for me to notice and be brave enough to walk away.

I shit you not, all of this goes through my head when I think about dating. Or even making friends. And it sucks. Because I'm a really good friend. And I bet there are some really cool people out there. I just... I'm really fragile. I'm supporting myself, and I... have my suspicions that that job is one that I am not really properly trained to do, and that every person I've asked to help me with has looked at and then did that like cartoon thing where their eyes pop out of their heads, then they do the big waving arm gestures "Nope, no, nooo." And these are people who have like... taken care of screaming infants and shit. So like... how bad am I?! I know the weight of supporting me, I carry it every day. And I really think my life would be much much more functional with more interpersonal support, I have for ages. But... I'm just... scared. Of people hurting me again. Betraying me again. Disappointing me and abandoning me. Leading me on, and draining me in the process. Wouldn't you be?

But at the end of the day. You have to climb out on a limb if you want the fruit. That's just... where it is. And today, I was more confident in my own skin than I've been in ages. And that was with a sudden pimple outbreak too! But i did have it covered with a mask, but whatever, still counts. This, again, is a confidence deficiency. And I'm going to have to address that tomorrow. I want to get to sleep before 4 so I'm going to go. This was hard, but this is where my head has been the past hour before writing this, so... this was actually pretty good for processing. I'm finding this action of processing these emotions - "I had such a good day, why am I so upset? Just because of a YouTube video?" - is a super simple process of just... rabbit-holing until you get a broader picture. But finding the core and finding a few little bright sides to it... it helps, you know? It doesn't fix shit, but at least you know why. That can be a lot more helpful than you'd think.

[erodasfishtacos]

how about when they first noticed ezra was a nervous and anxious baby ?

Seperation

prompt: the moment when h and yn decide that Ezra needs to see a therapist.

warnings: angst

if you like the fic - please reblog, like, comment, or come talk to me in my inbox!

I write for free so if you enjoy my fics please consider donating to support my writing on my kofi.

enjoy 😊

—

It’s late at night, like 3 in the morning, and Harry was down in Atlanta for three games with the Braves.

Easton and Cash had long adjusted to their father being away for short spurts of time - doesn’t mean they don’t miss him but they know he’ll come back to them.

Ezra was another story.

YN felt dread anytime he went away for a game because her youngest got so anxious and had trouble sleeping.

He was usually okay during the day (Harry was gone for practice and obligations during most mornings and afternoons).

It was at night time.

She really didn’t want to call and bother her husband because he had just played a game that went into three innings of overtime and had gotten a gnarly bruise on his thigh from a ball hitting him as he batted.

When they’d FaceTimed after the game, about eight, he had been so exhausted in his hotel room that his eyes were nearly closing as he spoke to her.

Now at three, three in the morning, Ezra still hasn’t went to bed because of how fussy and tearful he was - babbling about his father.

“Daddy, daddy, daddy,” He was whining into his mother’s neck, his hot tears rolling down his cheeks and onto her skin.

“Ezzie, baby. We have to calm down. Mama’s here and daddy is okay, he’s just working,” She murmured to him for the hundredth time that night.

YN was sat in the den with him because she didn’t want him waking up his brothers or his little sister who just begun to sleep through the night for the most part.

At one point, she did stir for a night feeding, and as YN sat on her bed - Briar latched sleepily, Ezra was nestled tightly into her other side.

When it hit three-thirty, she began to feel herself get frustrated because she couldn’t fix the situation - no matter what she did.

She knew once tears began rolling down her own cheeks that she had to call Harry.

It was never that she was worried he would be mad that she called, she just felt guilty because he had worked so hard already that day.

YN reaches for her phone, taking a deep inhale before pressing his contact for facetime.

It rings three times before it’s picked up, completely dark in his room, and he rasps out drowsily, “Wha’s going on, mama? Y’alright? The babies alright?”

“I-I can’t get him to settle,” YN takes a deep breath, the sleep deprivation making her want to just break down and sob.

“Daddy? Daddy, daddy, daddy,” Ezra just chants, eyes wide on the screen, searching for his father to just appear but all he sees is darkness.

That causes him to just start bawling his eyes out when he can’t will his father onto the phone like he wants.

“Whoa, Ezzie. Sweet boy, c’mon. Y’gotta breathe s’daddy can understand you,” Harry coos, stirring to turn on the light and illuminate his pillow-creased face.

“Daddy!” His voice is shrill, high-pitched and it makes YN’s ears ring.

“Ezra Duke,” Harry says a little more firmly, “Daddy can’t understand you when you scream, okay?”

The little boy sniffles and tries to catch his breath, leaning into where YN is rubbing soothing circles into his back.

“Miss you,” His son whimpers sadly, bringing his voice down a notch, “Come home, please.”

“I am flying’ home tomorrow, bab. Daddy will be home around noon but you have to be good for mama,” He says, voice still smooth and calm.

“Now!” Ezra screams in a way he usually never does and then continues, “Now! Now daddy! Now!”

Both parents are taking aback, Harry with wide eyes and parted lips as he watching his son through his phone and YN just squeezes her eyes shut, exhaling out of her mouth.

“Mama, breathe,” Harry directs towards her, can tell how overwhelmed she is getting from all the chaos of his screaming.

“Daddy, daddy,” Ezra blubbers, green eyes angry and anxious at the same time, “Please, home!”

YN hears noise from behind her, to see her eight year old padding into the room with his unruly curls poking every which way.

“Mama, is Ezzie okay?” Easton wonders, knuckling his eyes sleepily and then Cash follows right behind him in his dinosaur pajamas.

“Fuck, he woke up the boys,” YN informs Harry tearfully, “I just…I don’t know what to do. I can’t do anything to make him feel better.”

The older boys peek into the screen to smile at their dad and Harry gives them a tense smile, “Hi boys, I know Ez is being loud but can y’two be good f’your mama and go back to bed?”

They agree, giving their upset brother a kiss and then their mom before talking quietly to each other as they walk up the stairs.

“Daddy? Home, please! Hold me!” Ezra wails, clinging to his mother’s neck tightly enough to hurt as he tantrums.

“This is the worst it’s ever been, he’s normally stopped before I’ve had to call you,” YN groans, rocking him swiftly against her for lack of a better idea.

“Wait…” Harry sits up, scrubbing a hand over his puffy face, “Has this been happening’ every time m’away?”

“It just started two to three months ago but he’s always been able to be calmed down within an hour or so,” YN replies, shushing Ezra as he babbles over and over again daddy, daddy, daddy.

Harry’s jaw tightens and his frown settles into a deep crease, “Well why a’ve you not told me that m’baby has been cryin’ for me when I’m gone? Do y’not think that’s important?”

YN recognizes his irritation and is running on less than five hours of sleep over two days and may he’s it back with an even sharper tone.

“We can’t change that you’re gone. I’m trying to handle it, Harry.”

“Y’not doin’ a bloody good job at it!” Harry bites back in frustration, heart pounding in desperation as he hears his son cry for him.

“Daddy, daddy, come on.”

Then YN looks at him with watering, hurt eyes, “I’m doing my best. You’re not here, I can’t make you appear. I’m trying to calm him down without having to wake you up.”

And Harry shouldn’t but he’s angry and misses his babies - all of them but especially the one who needs him the most right now.

“Y’dont think I deserve to know tha’ Ezra’s been acting like this?” Harry snaps before adding, “In this situation, y’best isn’t good enough because he’s still crying and y’still haven’t been able to settle him.”

And wow, those words hit her like a ton of bricks. It was instilling all the insecurities that she had bubbling in her chest.

In this situation, y’best isn’t good enough because he’s still crying and y’still haven’t been able to settle him.

Harry automatically knows that he spoke before he thought and he let his stressed out mind say untrue hurtful things.

He part his lips about to speak before YN cuts him off.

“If you can do it so much better than me, fucking good you. Then come home and fix this because I give up,” YN laughs without humor, finger finding the red button to hang out and disconnecting.

Harry tried calling back over and over and over but YN just hangs her head, sniffling, as she watches her tired, anxious little son finally drift off to sleep.

At some point, her phone stops ringing when he’s given up and it doesn’t ring again until for another thirty minutes.

She knew he was going to keep calling until she picked up - had been that way since they first started dating.

By now, Ezra was asleep in his room and YN was sat against their headboard - having tossed the tear soaked shirt she had on off and was feeding Briar once more.

The millionth facetime request comes through and finally she swipes to answer, he’s furious right as they connect, “D’you have any idea how worried I am? Y’cant ju-“

He stops himself when he sees his baby girl pop her head from her mother’s breast with puffy lips and look at the screen, “Dadadadada.”

“Oh, hi lil’ mama,” Harry changes his tone completely, face softening - “Did I interrupt y’eatin’? S’mama being so nice and feeding you?”

Briar just smiles with a gapped baby tooth smile, a dimple pushing into her left cheek as she does so.

“Guess I’m good for one thing, right? A fucking milk-maker,” YN scoffs at her husband’s opposite tone as she guides Briar gently back down to finish her meal.

Harry frowns, “Y’know tha’s not anything near the truth and tha’ I think you’re the best mama to our babies. M’just upset.”

“You told me my best wasn’t good enough, I can’t believe you would say something like tha’ to me,” YN begins to sniffle again.

“Sweetheart, m’sorry. I ju-“

“What did you call for, Harry? It’s nearly four-thirty in the morning and I haven’t slept for nearly two days now. I want to feed her and go to sleep,” YN’s voice is disconnected and exhausted.

“To talk, I didn’t say how I was feeling correctly-“

“When you come home tomorrow you can fix everything and I’ll let you because I’m not doing a good enough job,” His wife cuts him off again.

Harry starts to feel a ball of worry form in his throat as he hears how unemotional and distance his wife sounds with him.

He had totally said the wrong things as his wife was just trying to do her best at balancing four babies while he was away.

“Please, let me apologize-“

“I would like to go to sleep. Please don’t call back,” YN responds before ending the phone call and leaving the screen dark.

They rarely ever fought. Especially like this.

He’s man enough to admit that he cries after he tries calling back (even though she said not to) and it went straight to voicemail.

-

He tries facetiming in the morning, at around nine right before if flight takes off - surprised when it actually was picked up.

Harry only sees YN for a brief moment before she’s propping up the camera on the kitchen table so that Easton and Cash are in view eating pancakes and Briar is in her high chair with blueberries staining her chubby cheeks.

Ezra must still be in bed.

“Hi bubbies,” Harry greets with a smile as they’re curls shake as they look up with excited smiles.

“Daddy! You comin’ home?” Cash squeaks excitedly through a mouthful of food.

“Hi dad!” Easton chimes in, waving.

Briar is only half-interested, more taken by the fact that if she squishes the berries between her fingers they turn mushy, babbles out a, “Daddadaa.”

“I’ll be home in like three hours, ‘kay” Harry informs them - his heart aches to be there right now with theme

“Ezzie cried all night,” Cash let’s his father know.

“Mama cried too,” Easton whispers, like it’s a secret that he doesn’t want her to hear, “I think she is really sad.”

Harry squeezes his eyes shut for a minute, “I know. Ezzie was sad last night. Can I talk to mama?”

Easton looks to his mother off camera as she must say something to him to repeat to Harry, “Mama said that she is busy and she’ll see you when you get home.”

He clenches his fist off camera, trying to smile but he knows it’s terse as he says, “Alright, I love you all. See y’when I get home.”

-

Meanwhile, YN gets all the children settled after breakfast.

Easton, Cash, and Ezra in the backyard - the two older ones digging holes for bugs and the younger playing in the sandbox.

Briar was snoozing in the cradle of YN’s elbow as she sat on a chaise - watching the kids.

She hits the number she was looking for, waiting for it to ring, and then she hears, “Hillside Pediatrics, this is Jess.”

The office knew the family well because Harry is Harry Styles and they have four children who visit there.

YN inquires about therapeutic options for him, resources, and if they had any recommendations for where to take him.

Like the super mom she is, she manages to set up an intake appointment that evening (which was a miracle on its own), call Anne and ask to watch the other children, and then take a deep breathe.

Harry steps through the back door, dressed in his usual Yankees hoodie, Nike shorts, and trainers looking tanner than before.

“Hi bubbies!” He greets, basking in when all of his children look up and squeal excitedly at the sight of their father.

Easton and Cash are the fastest, racing to cling to each legs and nuzzle into his thigh with a tight hug.

Ezra is slower, by the time he’s arrived to his father - there was no room for him to shuffle in and he automatically lets out an earth-shattering wail.

Just like before.

“Daddy! Hold me! Daddy, hold me please!” His youngest son begs desperately, stretching up his arms, and letting hot tears stream down his cheeks.

Harry tuts, reaching for him and popping him on his hip but Ezra has other ideas - scrambling until his nose is pressed into the curve of Harry’s neck with his arms wrapped tightly around him.

“Ezzie, c’mon now,” Harry titters softly, reaching down to give both of his other boys a kiss on the head before they dart back off to play.

“Daddy, miss you,” Ezra blubbers sadly, Harry wincing when his son yanks a bit in his longer curls by the nape of his neck.

“Y’okay, daddy’s got you. Relax, breathe bubba,” His father reassured him, swaying softly back and forth until he’s just sniffing.

“We have an appointment with a children’s play therapist for him later at five,” YN tells him, shushing Briar who’s squeaking from the noise.

Harry takes a deep inhale, “Okay, that sounds like a good idea. Can we talk now since y’been ignoring my calls?”

YN bristles at the attitude in his tone, “Excuse me if I’d rather not be critiqued on my skills as a mother when I am sleep-deprived and stressed out.”

He clenches his jaw, speaking lowly with firmness, “Y’bein’ absurd! I didn’t critique to you, y’blowing things out of proportion! Y’the one who didn’t tell me this was going on!”

“It didn’t get that bad until last night! I could handle it - he would just be upset for a little before bed but he’d never got that anxious before,” She justifies, returning the glare he’s giving her.

“Didn’t think y’could mentioned it to me? I have a right to know, he’s m’baby too. I could have fix this yet you were letting him suffer,” Harry bites out but know as soon as it’s out of his mouth that he wishes he could swallow the words back down.

You were letting him suffer.

YN doesn’t even argue back, just starts bawling because of how hurtful those words were and how could he even say that?

“Mama, fuck- I didn’t, I’m just-“

His wife gets up without a word, using Briar’s blanket to wipe at her wet cheeks, and vanishing through the sliding back doors.

Ezra was snoozing peacefully on him and he couldn’t leave the boys outside alone so he resorts to sitting down on one of the outdoor couches and curse internally.

He couldn’t believe he was being so cruel. He just felt so….betrayed that she hadn’t told him what had been going on and he felt like he was letting down Ezra.

It was a nasty feeling of guilt in the pit of his stomach because he was away so much from his family and it was stressful for everyone.

He wanted to cry at the idea of his son crying for him every night.

-

Harry starts to get anxious when YN isolates herself in their bedroom with Briar for the next upcoming hours.

He knocks softly, opening the door to YN turned on her side away from him, under the covers, with Briar asleep in her bassinet asleep.

“Mama? Y’awake?” Harry murmurs cautiously with a sandwich and chips since she’d disappeared and hadn’t been down once, water in the other hand.

“Are the boys okay?” YN asks quietly, not bothering to turn over to face him.

“Yes, babies are fine. They’re watchin’ Toy Story right now, eatin’ lunch,” Harry replies, eyes falling in his beautiful little daughter.

“If the boys are fine then I don’t want you in here,” YN tells him with an angry tone but low enough that it won’t disturb Briar.

Harry nearly whimpers.

“Baby, please. We need to talk-“

“If the boys are fine, I want you to leave me alone.”

Harry hesitates by the door, feeling helpless as he slips the plate onto the dresser in case she is hungry but he doubts she’ll touch it.

“Alright, I’ll leave y’be. Call me if y’need anythin’ or help with Briar,” He offers, trying to buy time in the room.

She laughs sarcastically, “Yeah, I’ll make sure you’re notified because I can’t do a good enough job myself.”

Harry sighs, running a hand through his hair, trying to conjure up the perfect words to fix this situation but it’s interrupted.

“Daddy? Daddy? Where? Hold me!” Ezra screeches as Easton stands outside the door with him, holding his hand.

“Dad, he won’t stop,” The oldest complains with annoyance as Ezra scurries to his father and up into his arms.

“Daddy daddy,” He chants into his father’s skin with relief.

“Thank y’East, Ezzie’s been sad lately. Huh?” Harry replies, thumbing at Easton’s cheek.

The oldest shrugs, “Not always. Mama cheers him up all the time with kisses and hugs.”

Harry gazes back to the lump under the blankets and feels himself getting choked up. He really really regretted his words.

He didn’t regret being upset with her. He regrets the cheap shots he took at his wife who’s just trying to be a full time mom to his babies.

“Mama?” Ezra squeaks at the word, realizing he hasn’t seen her recently and then he’s back to tantruming, “Mama, mama, mama. Where’s mama?”

“M’right here, Ez,” YN murmurs, flipping to her other side so that her youngest could see her. His face lights up and he scurries to the bed, scampering up until his mom is tucking him under the blankets with her.

Harry’s heart aches when Ezra whimpers quietly and burrows into her warm chest with happiness that he found his mother.

“Y’got him?” Harry asks, hand raking through Easton’s curls as he leans into his father’s side.

“Can we go play now, dad?” Easton asks impatiently, tugging his father out of the room and down the staircase.

-

Anne shows up and the two older ones are so excited, bouncing up and down as they tug her into the backyard to show her the holes they dug with Briar popped on her hip - gnawing on her shirt collar.

YN brings Ezra down the stairs, curls tamed with a bit styling mousse and a little adias x disney outfit that was the cutest thing ever. ***

Harry reaches out to take Ezra off YN but he whines and shakes his head, clinging to his mother like it was life or death.

“No daddy! Mama!” Ezra pouts angrily, glaring at his father with protectiveness.

He puts his hands up, “Okay, okay. Y’can stay with y’mama.”

-

The car ride is silent, Harry doesn’t know what to say and YN isn’t giving him anything to work with. He feels like he’ll just say the wrong thing again.

When they pull up to the building and Harry puts it in park, he’s startled when his wife just starts bawling into her hands.

Harry freezes for a second with wide eyes before rumbling, “Mama, sweetheart. Please don’t cry, it breaks m’heart, darlin’.”

“I’m…I’m no-not a good mom,” YN cries, “I wanted to tell you but I was scared. I don’t want you to think I can’t handle raising our babies.”

Harry pries her hands away from her face, cupping her cheeks and firmly staring, full conviction in his voice, “If I didn’t think y’could handle four babies then I wouldn’t have put them in you. I wouldn’t talk about putting more in you.”

YN’s eyes are watering, letting Harry swipe the tears away with his thumbs as she inhales deeply, “I am so so sorry I didn’t tell you. I don’t want you to worry when you’re away.”

Harry leans forward, kissing her harshly before whispering against her lips, “I don’t give a fuck about baseball in comparison to you and the kids. I’d give it up this second if y’asked. I want to worry because you’re the love of m’life and I’m y’husband - I’m here to support you and support our family.”

He continues, “I am a bit frustrated with you. I want you to tell me everything I miss when I’m gone even if it stresses me out or upsets me. Okay? But I shouldn’t have said hurtful things. You’re the best mama on this planet and y’treat our babies the best.”

YN nods, willing herself to stop crying as their appointment starts in ten minutes as she takes steady breathes.

“I forgive you. I’m sorry I let my pride get in the way. I just…I feel like you do everything for us and the least I could do is manage the kids,” She sighs with self-deprecation.

“Mama, just because one of our bubs needs therapy doesn’t mean you’re not doing a perfect job. We’ve always know Ezzie was an anxious baby. This is going to be good for him and for us, right?” He encourages, nosing at her cheek before she offers up her lips once more for a short kiss.

“I love you,” YN tells him, running a thumb of a light dusting of stubble on his jawline.

“Love y’more than anything,” He replies instantly.

-

Ezra is nervous as they step into the calming, peaceful office where there are neatly organized buckets of toys and shelves of books.

Patricia was a middle-aged woman with a kind smile who welcomed them in, she observed how Ezra had himself wrapped around his dad with hesitant green eyes peeking at her.

As they sit down, Patricia says softly, “This must be Ezra?”

They all wait for a moment before the toddler turns around to look at the woman and says timidly, “m’Ezzie.”

“Hi Ezzie,” The therapist greets and he gives her a cautious smile before nuzzling back into his father’s neck.

The discuss what has been going on. How Ezra has always been very nervous, anxious, cautious in a way that none of his other siblings are.

How he struggles when one of his parents is away from him, how he can get upset if he can’t find one of his siblings, or how much he worries about things most kids his age don’t worry about.

Patricia does an excellent job in calming down the parents, assuring them that it was nothing out of the norm, and that therapy would be beneficial for him.

She states that they’ll work a lot of feelings - being able to describe and recognize them. That will be one of the most important things.

Also working on his ability to calm down and cope with stressful situations, recommending once a week which of course his parents agreed to.

By the end of the intake, Ezra had ventured to take one of the baby dolls from a bin and bring it back to his father.

“Look daddy, s’a baby,” He lisps proudly, holding it up to show him.

“Good job, bubs,” Harry laughs, leaning to kiss his forehead - watching him toddle off to find more dolls to play with.

-

That night, after all the kids go to bed, and YN is finishing her final feeding with Briar in her nursery before putting in her crib.

Harry runs a nice, steaming bath with lavender bubbles and a candle burning with the lights dimmed low.

When she finds him, he slowly undresses her with warm kisses and praises of how good of a wife and mother she is.

They lay in there together, YN between his legs with her head rested on his chest, as his hands massage at her tummy and hips lovingly.

And yeah, everything is okay after that.

They get up the next day and everything is back to normal except now Ezra goes to therapy once a week with his parents.

(Ezra ends up working with Patricia until he’s in about sixth grade.)

[winchestershiresauce]

High on You

Summary: Smoking weed to relax after a rough day becomes a whole lot more when Daryl joins you.

Daryl Dixon x fem!Reader

3455 words

Warnings: 18+ only, smut, drug use (weed), almost public sex, fluff, mentions of the bible

A/N: Special thanks to @daryl-dixon-daydreams​ for suggestions/edits. This turned out way softer than I originally intended, but I love it. I hope you enjoy!

--

After the long day you’d had, all you wanted to do was decompress. You’d tried reading, you’d tried sleeping, but you realized you needed something just a little bit stronger. So, with a plan in place, you grabbed your trusty bible and snuck down the stairs. You had to admit, you felt a bit like a teenager sneaking out in the middle of the night to get up to trouble, despite the fact that you were a grown woman and the world as you’d known it had ended. 

You silently crept out the front door into the night, slowly pulling it closed behind you. It was about two in the morning as you tip-toed across the porch and sat down on the steps of the Alexandrian house you shared with other members of your group of survivors. Setting your leather-bound bible in your lap, you opened it and flipped through the well-loved pages to get to the good stuff inside, but froze when you heard a plank of the porch floor creak from around the corner. You turned around to see Daryl approaching, his crossbow in one hand. 

"Can't sleep?" he grunted in your direction, and you subtly closed the worn cover to your Bible as he sat on the step next to you. 

"Nah, not after today. You?" you replied, and he merely gave a little shrug. 

"Didn't know you was religious." He nodded toward the book in your lap, and you smiled sheepishly. 

"I'm, uh, not, actually." He raised his eyebrow at you, expecting you to elaborate or explain, so you opened the Bible and showed him the contents, chewing your lip. About an inch from the edges, the middle of the pages was cut out. In the space that remained was a baggie of weed, a lighter, and pieces of blank pages that had been cut out and trimmed to size for use as rolling papers. Daryl's eyes moved from you to the illicit stash, and he couldn't help but laugh. 

"Yer kidding," he chuckled. You loved the sound of a genuine laugh spilling from his lips: something you didn't hear nearly often enough. 

You shook your head and shrugged, "Not at all. The pages are the perfect thickness to roll joints with." 

"Yeah, guess I just didn't peg ya for a druggie." You feigned offense, pretending to clutch your pearls, but found yourself laughing as well. 

"I don't know if you've noticed, Dixon, but it's the end of the world. Hell if I'm gonna pretend I don't like pot because of the social stigma anymore." He shook his head as if he couldn't believe the conversation was happening, and began fiddling with the crossbow in his lap that you weren't sure you'd ever seen him without. The two of you sat in a comfortable silence as you got to work rolling a nice little joint for yourself and he went back to whatever it was that he was doing with his bolts. When you licked the paper to try to seal it closed, you glanced over to see that Daryl had been watching you. 

"Yer not doin' it right. That's gonna fall apart before ya can even smoke it," he critiqued, watching as you frustratedly attempted to turn the twist of weed and paper in your hand into something smokeable. 

"I know! I'm just tired and don't wanna waste the paper so I'm trying to fix it!" you retorted. 

"Give it 'ere." He reached his open hand out to you, and you rolled your eyes. 

"Fine. If you think you can do better, have at it." You felt a little irritated - you knew how to roll a joint, dammit - but placed what was definitely one of the saddest-looking joints you'd ever seen into his outstretched palm. He carefully unrolled it and adjusted the pile of dried cannabis to better resemble the innards of a cigarette. You watched intently, unsure which you were enjoying more: the way he expertly turned your sad mess into a work of art by comparison, or the way the muscles in his forearms tensed and rippled as he worked his large callused fingers at such a delicate task. When he raised the joint to his mouth and licked the paper to form the closest thing to a seal he could get without adhesive, you couldn’t help the quiet reactive groan that escaped from your throat. 

“What?” he asked as he continued to lick the paper to finish rolling the joint. You weren’t sure you wanted to answer, as it wasn’t exactly dignified the way that you were eyeballing him, but you did anyway.

“It’s just,” you started and bit your lip a little. “It’s hot when you do shit like that.”

“What?” He sounded incredulous.

You let out a small laugh, you couldn’t believe you were about to say this, “You’re so good with your hands and, I don’t know, the way you licked that just did things to me.” You shrugged, trying to play it off like you didn't just admit to ogling him. He didn’t even reply, just stared at you for a moment. His eyes narrowed a bit and you were pretty sure he thought you were fucking with him. He handed the now nicely-rolled joint to you and you took it, pleased. 

In silence, you held the blessed joint between your lips and lit it. Taking a long drag, you inhaled fresh air to push the smoke deeper into your lungs and offered the joint to Daryl. With a slight nod, he took it from you and took a hit himself. You leaned back, blowing the smoke up toward the black night sky, and couldn’t help the grin that spread across your face. It was just what you’d needed. For a few minutes, you and Daryl passed the joint between the two of you without speaking. You both reveled in the way the smoke danced into your lungs and escaped from your lips, letting the quiet night and the drugs do their best to calm you.

“Why do ya say shit like that?” Daryl eventually asked. You had just taken a large hit, savoring the feeling as you watched the joint dwindle to almost nothing, and you turned to look at him. He stared off straight ahead, looking utterly entranced with the neighbor’s flower garden.

“Shit like what?” you questioned, letting him have the last hit or two left. You raised your eyebrow at him, confused, since you hadn’t said anything in a while.

“How it’s hot when I do somethin'.” He shrugged vaguely and murmured some sort of noise that sounded close to “I dunno.” He tilted his head slightly and looked at you cautiously. “What ya said before…” You leaned your head back in realization: he really didn’t believe you when you told him he was fucking attractive. 

“Because it’s true.”

“Nah.” 

“Whatever you say, Dixon. You don’t have to believe me.” You smiled over at him and he let out a noncommittal grunt. You redirected the conversation to something a little lighter, but found things naturally meandering back to a similar topic after only a short while.  

"So, how come ya couldn't sleep?" he asked, daring a glance into your eyes. 

"Honestly?" you responded, and he nodded. "Well, I needed to decompress after the run today, so I was reading this book and, uh…" You pressed your lips together and decided you were about to share a little too much information. 

"And what?" His question was genuine and you weren't sure if he could even pick up on your embarrassment. 

"Promise not to laugh?" He regarded you for a moment, but nodded. "Well, I was reading a romance novel," you paused to see if he'd break his promise and laugh, continuing when he didn't, "and it got me a little wound up and made me realize how much I miss sex. You know?" Daryl stared, a little wide-eyed and very unsure of how to respond. 

"A book made ya so horny ya couldn't fall asleep?" There was a slight laugh in his voice and you recognized that little twinkle in his eye when he lightly teased you. 

"Not exactly, Daryl." You gave him a pointed look. "It just made me think about how long it's been and maybe I kinda miss it. Don't you?" He shrugged. "I guess I just wish some things were easier in the apocalypse. I really wanna be fucked good and hard until I'm begging for mercy." You exhaled forcefully, something between a laugh and a sigh. 

"Why don't ya just ask somebody? I'm sure anybody here would help ya." You were honestly a bit surprised at the lack of reaction from him. Very personal conversations weren’t usually his forte, but the weed seemed to have mellowed him out a bit and he didn’t even blush.

"I don't know. That's not quite what I want, I guess. Tara and I fooled around some a while ago but it didn't feel right. I wanna feel something, and the only person I feel something for doesn't seem interested."

"Then they're an idiot." You tried your best to hide the smile that threatened to blossom on your face at his response. He was so genuine, and so sure. It was too bad he had no idea you were talking about him.

"Oh, so are you saying you'd be interested?" The relaxation from the weed had you feeling bolder than usual. You couldn't believe you'd asked, but there was no turning back. 

"Not sayin' I'd not be." You could see the pink flush up his cheeks all the way to the tips of his ears, and it made you feel warm. 

"I see," you replied, biting back a grin. The two of you, again, sat in a comfortable silence for a few moments and you scooted closer to him. You set your hand on his where he'd had it resting on his thigh since he'd set aside his crossbow in favor of the weed. You slipped your fingers between his and you could feel the roughness of his pants beneath your fingertips. He looked up at you, uncertain, but didn't say anything. "This okay?" you asked. Again, he just nodded. He didn't want to risk his voice in case it gave away how nervous he was feeling. The quiet night enveloped you again, but it didn't bother you. You finally felt relaxed and maybe even a bit safe there with Daryl's hand in yours.

Daryl flipped over his hand under yours so you were palm-to-palm and he could wrap his fingers around yours. "Hey, Y/N?" he asked, and you looked up into his eyes. 

"Hmm?" you hummed in reply. 

"Can I kiss ya?" There was no holding back your grin anymore as the embodiment of strength, masculinity, and independence looked to you for an answer to a question you thought he'd never ask. You reached your hand up to cup his cheek, bit your lip, and nodded. 

With that confirmation that you wanted what he did as well, he crashed his lips into yours. At first it was clumsy, like you were just getting to know each other, but soon your mouths moved together in sweet harmony. For a few minutes, you just kissed each other's breath away. Then, almost as if a switch was flipped, suddenly the movements of your mouths and tongues together weren't enough. You swung your leg over his, straddling him, and he immediately slid his hands down to cup your ass and drag you into his lap. 

Before you knew it, you were grinding down on him, desperate for friction. With one hand, he pulled your hair behind your shoulder so he could place open-mouthed, hungry kisses across your jaw and throat. You could feel how hard he was beneath you and it only made you more desperate. Heat pooled between your legs, your pussy wet with anticipation as you kissed and groped each other like a couple of teenagers. You would've been glad the whole town was asleep if you'd had enough thought to care about how you looked at that moment. 

"Fuck, Daryl," you panted, trying to catch your breath as he took it away. One hand had moved from your ass and began to paw at your breasts through your shirt. Pressing your center down on him, he bit your bottom lip and you pulled him closer as if you were trying to meld your bodies together. He let out a low groan that rumbled through his chest, and you giggled. He cocked his head at you in confusion. 

"What?" 

"Sorry, sorry." You continued to giggle, "I just can't believe we're doing this." 

"Why's 'at?" You loved the way his words slid together like he was drunk on your touch (though, logically, you knew the weed likely had something to do with it). 

"I've wanted you for so long, Daryl Dixon." You put a hand on either side of his face and looked right into his eyes. Goosebumps creeped up your skin as his rough fingers caressed your sides under your shirt, and you bit your lip before reaching for the hem of your t-shirt. You swore his eyes sparkled as he watched you pull the fabric up and over your head. 

"Yer so beautiful," he sighed before ducking forward to wrap his lips around your nipple. Your fingers tangled in his hair and a loud moan escaped your lips as he flicked his tongue over the hardening bud. You tugged his head back to make him look up at you and he melted at the soft smile on your face.

“Daryl,” you whispered and he quirked his eyebrow up at you. “Do you want to take this inside?” You weren’t exactly shy but if you were being honest, you didn’t want to share the moment with anyone who may also have trouble sleeping and happened upon the scene. He nodded and you pressed your lips to his again before moving off of his lap.

The two of you had barely made it in the door to his basement room when he had you backed up into the wall. The pressure of his mouth on yours was more delicious than you’d imagined and your knees grew weak as his scruff tickled the skin around your lips. You were surprised at the way he had taken the lead in this dance, but you were far from complaining about it. Loving the way he felt against you, you moved your hand to rub him through his jeans. He was rock hard and pressed against the seam of his pants, making him groan as you pressed into him.

You began to unbuckle his belt but stopped when you felt his breath hitch against your skin. You looked up at him to find his eyes closed and what you hoped was a look of bliss across his face. When he felt your movements stall, he opened his eyes and caught your soft look of uncertainty. 

“Wha’s ‘a matter?” He moved his hands so his thumbs rested at your temple.

“Just want to make sure you want this.”

“‘Course I want this.” The rough calluses of the pads of his thumbs brushed down the soft skin of your cheekbones and your lips surged up to meet his. Your fingers continued their delicate mission with his belt before unbuttoning his pants. His hips bucked up to meet your warm palm as you slid your hand between the cotton of his boxer briefs and the denim. Daryl’s hands slowly made their way down your body and found themselves at the button of your own jeans. As his fingers made quick work of the button, you slid your hand around to his hip so you could feel him pressing you heavily into the wall behind you. You gasped at the feeling of his hard length pressed against your center and the moan that left your lips as he rolled his hips into yours was downright sinful. His mouth quickly found yours again and he swallowed down your moans as his talented fingers found their way to your slick folds.

“Yes!” you cried as the tip of his middle finger circled your clit. Your breath eluded you as you felt something shift in his demeanor. Suddenly, Daryl was shoving your jeans and underwear to the floor as you frantically grabbed for the hem of his shirt, barely detaching your mouths long enough to pull it over his head. The feeling of your wetness against his skin was so perfect that he couldn’t even find the energy to be anxious or ashamed as your hands danced over the scars that littered his back. His clothes quickly joined yours on the floor and he thought he might lose it at the sigh that escaped your lips as his cock brushed against your core. You lifted one leg to drape over his hip so he could better access your excited pussy. With one hand, Daryl fisted himself and teased you as he slid his tip over your entrance and through your slick. His other hand moved to your ass to lift you up and give him a better angle.

As he thrust into your wet heat, he growled against the delicate skin of your throat. You weren’t sure you’d ever felt anything so perfect as when he buried himself in you. The way he filled you to the brim made you tremble, and Daryl paused to try to get himself together. The way your walls clenched around him would be the end of him, he was sure of it. 

“Daryl,” you whined, “I need you to move. Need to feel you.” That was enough to snap him out of his reverie and he pulled back just to slam himself into you again. You let out a cry and tightened your grasp around his shoulders and squeezed your legs tighter around his waist.

“Ya feel so good,” he rasped in your ear as he pounded into you again and again. The way he slammed into that sweet spot with each thrust was divine and you couldn’t get enough. You felt the familiar warmth begin to bloom below your belly button as he dragged you toward your peak. 

“You feel incredible. Don’t stop!” Your voice was much higher pitched than usual as he pulled you closer and closer to the edge. His grip on your ass tightened and you wouldn’t have been surprised if there were bruises forming where his fingers pressed deep into your cheeks as he held you in place and fucked you like you’d only dreamed he would.

“Fuck,” you chanted and Daryl’s breaths became staccato as the friction built between you. You could feel his pace quicken and his rhythm stuttered as you tumbled over the edge of your climax. You buried your face in the crook of his shoulder as you came, feeling your whole body shudder. Daryl fucked you through your peak as the waves of his own orgasm crashed over him. The feeling of him spilling hot inside of you made you dig your nails into his biceps as if you could cling to the sensation. He placed surprisingly soft kisses along the bottom of your jaw as his breathing began to even out.

“That was—holy shit—exactly what I fucking wanted,” you sighed and let yourself collapse into his chest as he set you down. 

“Good, now let’s get some sleep.” Daryl pressed a gentle kiss to your temple as he wrapped his arm around your shoulders and moved to steer you toward his bed.

He lifted the blanket so you could crawl in and he followed right after. As you settled in, you couldn't help but curl up against his side, his warmth engulfing you as he tucked his arm around you. You turned to face him and placed a kiss on his chest when you felt him tense beneath you. 

"What?" you asked, and you felt him shake his head. 

"Mmm," he started, collecting his thoughts. "Jus' wonderin' if this is a one-time, we're high kinda thing or—" 

"I hope not." You wrapped your arm around his torso and craned your head to look up at him. "I meant what I said earlier about wanting you for a while, and not just 'cause you're sexy." He scoffed but you felt him relax again, and he pulled you closer in to his side. You tucked your head into the crook of his neck and for the first time in a long time, you felt at home. There was nowhere you'd rather be than contentedly tucked into his side, his bare skin pressed softly against yours. 

[finelinevogue]

the fact that Y/N has post natal depression Is somewhat refreshing idk I just don't see it talked about much on here and if it is it's like Hella angsty and the partner doesn't understand what it is but I was wondering if u could touch on it a bit more cause it's something I'm really scared about happening to me and I just want harry to hold me and tell me it's going be okay 😚😚😚😚

P.s. if u don't wanna it's understandable

anon: can u write about harry helping y/n through her ppd maybe like the 3rd time was so bad that h decide that he won’t be having more children

so this was requested twice so i would love to be able to write this for you both, hope this is okay - mind it’s heavily angsty!;

tw: vomiting, ppd and od

oli - 4, felix - 3, belle - 12 weeks

Motherhood was really fucking hard.

The birth of your newly born daughter, Isabella, had really taken a back pedal on your mental health. You had suffered with post natal depression after the birth of your two sons, but nothing as bad as this.

It had hit you around the 7 week mark after giving birth. The pregnancy itself was okay, even though she was slightly premature, but it was after you’d taken her home that it’d all spiralled downhill. It started with complications with her breastfeeding - like she was rejecting the milk that you had produced. It hurt to see her reject you and your body, finding more comfort in drinking from a pre-made milk bottle as her dad rocked her to sleep. You recall the evening so clearly and felt like an utter failure as you watched her drink a bottle of formula for the first time.

“Ssh ssh,” Harry cooed to your 7 week old daughter as he rocked her in his arms on the rocking chair in her nursery. She was whining because she was hungry, but the problem was that she wasn’t accepting your milk. She hadn’t been accepting your milk all day and now it was becoming dangerous for you to keep on saying ‘Oh i’ll just try later.’ Harry had told you to make a formula bottle for her. “Mummy’s coming.”

As much as you didn’t want to, you were walking back to the nursery with a warm bottle in your hands. You’d tested it on your hand to make sure it wasn’t too hot and then taken a sip to taste it, out of jealousy, and you thought that it didn’t taste any different to you. Then again you’re not a 7 week old human whose only date is milk.

“Look here’s mummy with your yummy milk, okay? Look Belles!” Harry cooed at his darling angel and you only wished he wasn’t as happy for her as he was.

“Yeah.” You spoke softly, handing him the bottle and standing nearby, part of you hoping that she would reject this too and she wasn’t just rejecting you.

But no, she drank the formula like it was her last meal.

“Such a sweet girl, aren’t you?” Harry praised her, watching her in awe as she kept on drinking the formula. Watching as she was drinking to become the strong girl you knew she’d become. It just hurt that it wasn’t you that could help her become that.

You felt powerless. Worthless, even. The one thing that you had carried the weight of your breasts around to do and you couldn’t even do it. Your nipples were so sore and your breasts ached so badly and it was all for nothing. Perhaps it was punishment for being such a bad mum. Perhaps you’d never been good enough for this job and it was your bodies way of shutting you down forever. You wouldn’t need the ability to produce milk anymore, because you weren’t worth the title of becoming one again. You wanted to be happy for your little one, seeing her happy but all you felt was rejection and sadness. She didn’t think you were good enough to be her mum and that really hurt.

Along with the breastmilk problem, Belle also became very stubborn when you wanted to change her nappy. Anytime you tried to change and help her she put up a fuss, kicking her legs and sometimes she would bite or hit you away. It was just a reminder that you weren’t a good enough mum for her and that she didn’t feel safe enough around you. She didn’t find comfort in your presence and she was so fussy about what you did around her. With Harry, though, she was an angel. She loved him so much and obviously he made her feel so loved and safe - something you’d clearly never be able to give her.

There was also the chores of being a mother to your other two sons too. Oli and Felix were old enough to understand that they had a baby sister, but they weren’t old enough to understand how miserable you were. Harry wasn’t even able to figure it out yet. You tried your best to put on your bravest face, knowing that your family needed you to be strong but the truth was that you were crumbling on the inside. You were feeling less and less like yourself and you were waiting for the moment when you’d completely fall apart. Nothing felt right anymore. Everything was just numb.

“You two boys okay?”

You walked into the children’s playroom see that they were sat at the little table colouring in. Felix’s little legs dangled slightly, whereas Oli’s legs touched the floor and it made your heart swell at how big they were both getting.

“Yep!” Oli cheered, scribbling with his left hand as his tiny tongue stuck out from his lips as he concentrated - a habit passed onto him from his father.

“What are you both drawing?” You asked, coming over and kneeling on the floor beside them and having a peek at their drawings.

“We’re colouring for daddy.” Felix answered, some of the words not being pronounced properly due to his young lisp and lack of being taught how to say things correctly yet.

His words stung though. You appreciated that he was only a toddler and he meant nothing evil or malicious by it, but it hurt to think that maybe, just maybe, your sons were doing this for their dad because he did so much more for them than you did. Of course you tried to be the best mum you could, but maybe you weren’t doing enough. Maybe you weren’t meant to be a mum after all, or at least not a good one.

“O-oh,” you tried to hold back the tears in your eyes because your boys looked so proud at their artwork - and you should be too. “Tell me about them then, my loves.”

Oli went first, “So this is me and this is Oli and this is dad. It’s us playing football like we did the other day, mummy.” He pointed out to each of the figures, some looking actually quite terrifying but you’d never have the heart to tell him that. The figures were all holding hands though and it hurt to think that you weren’t a part of that.

“Oh that’s so good Ols!” you rubbed his head of hair and then turned to Felix’s, “What about you Fix?”

“I drew daddy as the best.” He pointed to a trophy that the figure - more like a stick-man-slenderman - was holding, which was decorated with the award of ‘my hero’.

“I told him to write hero, mummy.” Oli added, and you smiled at both of them.

“Well done. Good job both of you. Daddy will love these!” You only wished that they would draw something for you. You hated to think that you were being petty, but honestly you just wanted to feel loved. “Shall I go cut up some apple for a snack, hey?” You asked, trying to feel useful.

“Daddy is making us smoothies!” Felix answered and you had to stand up, up and away from their heigh, so they didn’t catch the tears in your eyes.

“Okay! Don’t forget to give him those pictures - he’ll love those.” You praised them and they both giggled to each other.

The sight of your sons laughing should’ve made you so happy, but it only reminded you that you weren’t the source of their happiness. You weren’t on their mind enough to be their inspiration for drawings. You definitely weren’t their hero. You were just a woman to them, not a mum. You wanted to be so much more but it was clear that they didn’t need you. They were loved by their dad and each other, not in need of your heart.

Eventually Belle settled down and was sleeping better through the night, leaving you and Harry to much more peaceful nights sleep. Well, just Harry.

You had found it near impossible to get to sleep now. You lay awake at night wondering when Belle would next wake up, wondering when she’d next need you. Harry was always quick out of bed though, even if he actually was sleeping, to help her ordering you to stay in bed and rest yourself. You couldn’t help feel like he was telling you to stay put because he knew you wouldn’t be able to do your job properly - and you started to believe him.

You’d found yourself getting jealous of those that could get to sleep. When you were walking down the road you’d judge a person by how much sleep they looked like they got last night. You definitely looked like you only had 2 hours - even when you’d only had 37 minutes but who’s counting? Your dark circles were heavily noticeable, but no one cared enough to ask. Even Harry stayed clear of you more and more often; spending more time with the kids than you and sleeping on his side of the bed instead of yours at nighttime.

There had been one evening where you had been so restless that Harry had gotten so frustrated and left the room, with a blanket and a pillow, and slept on the couch. You’d never felt so much like a burden than that night. Your family was rejecting you and you felt like a failure. You were a success at failing in everything. The meals you cooked went half eaten by everyone because you would’ve forgotten to add a key ingredient. The children preferred to spend more time playing with their dad because you weren’t energised enough to play the games they wanted to. Your daughter still rejected your milk. It was all too much and you just wanted one nights peace for it to change.

Last night had been that night.

Fuck these were so addicting. You were finally getting the sleep that you so badly craved, only with the help of tablets.

You wanted the sleep because that was the one place you could escape to. You needed that escape to help you get out of bed the next morning. Life was too hard for you to not dream, and without dreaming you didn’t want life.

It started off with taking one every night before bed, but then they stopped working again, so you started taking two, then three. Four was obviously where your body hit its limit.

“Mummy? Can you come tuck me in please?” Oli asked, little toy giraffe in hand and shaking you in hopes of waking you up to send him peacefully off to sleep.

You’d gone to bed a bit earlier tonight, lying saying that you were extremely exhausted. Harry said he would be able to handle things and that’s when you excitedly ran upstairs to take your pills; 4 of them. You’d made it into your bed, feeling slightly drowsy after completing your nighttime routine, but then you started to feel unwell and really ill. Before you’d passed out you’d stuck your fingers down your throat in hopes to make the feeling in your stomach disappear, but it ended up you throwing up all over the bed and pass out right there.

“Mummy! Wake up!” Oli rattled your back, but you were still unresponsive.

Oli padded out of the room and down to his sisters room where he knew his dad was. Belle was being extra fussy this evening and Harry suspected it had everything to do with you retiring early. He heard Oli come into the room just as he’d gotten Belle down.

“Y’alright buddy?” Harry whispered, tip-toeing out of Belle’s room, leaving the door open slightly, and crouched down in front of him.

“No. Mummy’s not waking up.” Oli pouted, rubbing a tired fist over his eye.

“She’s probably in dreamland, bud. She was really tired today.”

“She’s really tired all of the times.”

“I know, Ol.” Because Harry did know, but he was too much of a coward to face up to the problem. The doctors had said that post natal depression can strengthen with every birthed child, but he was too blind sighted by the fact that you’d overcome the first birthed post natal depression so quickly, and was so in love with his baby girl, that he didn’t truly see how bad things had gotten. Harry had tried giving you some space, distancing himself from you in bed and spending more time with the kids so you could relax and rest up, but nothing seemed to be working. He was surprised, actually, that you’d been having better sleep recently and so was hopeful that maybe the worst of the depression was over.

Hell, was he so wrong.

“Go to bed, bud okay? I’ll be there in a minute.”

“Wake mummy up so she can give me a kiss.”

“I’ll try little man, alright?” Harry scuffed his sons hair and then watched him walk off to his room.

Harry walked into your dark room, the air smelling slightly sour, and walked around to your side of the bed. He sat down next to you sighed heavily. He needed to speak to you, no matter how tired or angry you’d be with him. He was losing you as a wife and a mother and a soulmate and a lover. He was just losing you, just as you were losing yourself and he was doing tip-toeing around the problem any longer. He was going to try and make this better. He was going to better understand how you were feeling in order to help you.

“Baby?” He spoke softly, nudging you gently, “Baby wake up.” No response. “Y/N, my love? Wake up for me darling, need to speak with you.” Normally you would’ve stirred by now but there was still nothing. “Y/N?” Harry shook you a bit more urgently now - one that would surely wake even the deepest of sleepers. “Y/N!” He shouted, perhaps a bit too loudly for the comfort of his children.

He turned you over and that’s when he knew this was very, very, bad.

Your face was pale grey and your mouth was covered in the remains of vomit, and he suddenly understood the gross sour smell from before. Your hair was greasy and stuck all in the wet sick all over your face. Your eyes were puffy from the remains of tears. You looked dead.

“No, no, no. Y/N! No you don’t.” Harry’s eyes starting weeping and he couldn’t think straight. He checked your pulse on your wrist and timed it - it was unhealthily faint. He wouldn’t be surprised if you were in your last beats of your heart. His tears and sobs were uncontrollable, but he had to be both strong for you and his children, as well as for him. “Fuck sake pull yourself together Harry. Okay, baby hold on please. Okay? You don’t get to leave me like this, you hear me? I love you so much, baby. Fuck i’m so sorry.” He gently placed your head back down on the pillow and pulled out his phone.

999

“What’s your emergency?”

“I need a-an ambulance p-please. I-I think my wife i-is dying.”

The rest of it was a blur for Harry. Him trying to wake you up. The ambulance arriving. Oli and Felix crying when they saw you being carried away on a stretcher. Belle’s deafening screams. Harry’s heart beating for the both of you.

Beep. Beep. Beep.

It was the rhythmic beeping sounds that woke you up.

Your whole body felt achey and sore, your head a pounding mess. You opened your eyes slowly, adjusting them to the light of the room. You expected to see the family photo on the wall opposite you and the white of your curtains, but you were met with a heart-monitor machine and a hospital bed instead. You looked down at your body and noticed a cannula in your arm, making you squirm because you hated stuff like that so much. Your nose had a tube running inside it too, feeding you the oxygen your lungs weren’t receiving properly.

It then dawned on you how you weren’t in the room alone. You saw a sleeping Anne and Gemma on the chairs in the far corner, with Felix and Oli tucked against their sides - Anne with Oli and Felix with Gemma. It was so cute to see them so cuddled up close. They looked peaceful. You took note of the baby pram that was at the end of your bed, most likely playing bed to your beautiful daughter. Your mind felt lost. You can’t really remember what had happened, apart from taking four of those sleeping pills. You fully remember the weight of feeling worthless and useless as both a mum and a wife, though, and that feeling was still very prominent.

Your eyes lastly landed to the side of you, where Harry was sat but also laid on your bed. The top of half of his body laid upon the bed, his head buried onto this arm deep within the bed, whilst his bottom stayed rooted to the chair. His hand was holding yours tightly, which was a sign that he wasn’t asleep. You were so scared to face him though. You had failed him, again and again and you weren’t sure whether you could be enough for him anymore. Enough for your family anymore.

You squeezed his hand three times saying ‘I love you.’

“Y/N,” He whispered so hoarsely, but you were so focused on him to even catch it. He looked ruined, and you’d done that to him. His eyes were dark and tired, but also red and puffy from where he’d been crying. His hair was a mess and you could tell it hadn’t been washed in a while. How long had you been out for? You felt rested in your sleep, but not in your mind or your heart.

“I—” Your breathe got caught in your throat, but you persevered to finish your words. He deserved to here them. “I’m sorry.” You were whispering so you didn’t disturb anyone else in the room.

“No, stop it. I’m sorry baby.”

“Harry don’t, you don’t have anyt—”

“Stop yes I do I—”

“Harry please you don’t owe—”

“Y/N listen!” He cut the little volley-conversation and ordered you to just stop. You started crying when you saw that he was too. “Whatever you’re going to say, don’t. Whatever you’re thinking, stop it right now. Because I love you. Fuck, I do. I love you so much that when I found you unconscious in a pile of your own sick thinking you were dead, my only thought was that I wished it were me instead”.

“Harry, you don’t mean—”

“My god Y/N! You don’t get it, do you? I would do anything to switch places with you right now. I would suffer a thousand times over if it meant you were okay. I’d suffer in hell for you. Nobody else but you has ever made me feel like this. I married you because I love you and I want to wake up next to you every day of my beating hearts life. I chose to have children with you, because I knew how great of a mum you’d be and what beautiful people you’d help bring up into the world—”

“But i’m not.” You cut Harry short, trying to pull your hand away from him but he didn’t let you - only tightening his grip and pulling himself closer towards you. He was so close you could kiss him.

“Not what?” He asked, although he already knew the answer. You’d both had this conversation before, but you were both tired of it and were ready for it to be your last now.

“A good mum. I’m- i’m not a good mum or wife, Harry and i’m sorry.”

“I told you not say it and stop thinking it, because you’re completely wrong Y/N. You’re a good mother and a good wife, because you are a good person.”

“But i’m not great.” You whimpered, thinking back to the drawings your Oli and Felix had done. “I’m not the best.”

“But you don’t have to be, baby. You see our beautiful, healthy, happy and safe babies over there?” Harry turned to look at them, love in his eyes as in yours. “They wouldn’t be all those things, no matter how you feel about yourself, without you. I could never have brought them up to be half the people they are without you by my side, the way you make me a better person. You claim you don’t got this, but baby you’re already doing it and have been doing it for 5 years with our children and so much longer with me.”

“I’m just so fucked up Harry.” Your head tilted back on the pillow as you got heavily emotional over the situation.

Harry shook his head and moved his hand to cup the back of your neck, moving your head forwards until it met his. The touch of his skin against yours, no matter where and how small, made you feel alive and you’d missed him and that feeling so much. You missed loving him so much.

“Listen to me.” He ordered, keeping you still. “You are strong and you are brave Y/N Styles. No matter what you tell yourself I will be here every goddamn day of my life, if I have to, to remind you that you are worth more than your fucking weight in gold. You are my heart. You are my soul and the mother to my greatest achievements. I know they are yours too, just as I know I am your heart.

“You are.” You whispered so quietly under your breathe, but Harrys heart warmed when he caught you saying it. He knew though.

“Just let me love you. Let me be there for you. If you want medication then let’s do it, and i’ll be there for every step of the way. If you want to go to a rehabilitation centre for a bit, that’s okay we can—”

You shook your head and licked the tears away from your face. You were both such tearful messes, but the love between you was undeniable. “No, no please, no.”

“Okay, okay, love. We won’t. See, you’re okay. I promise, you’re okay. Stay with me, yeah? I’ll love you and keep you safe, just as you will me.”

“Promise.” You told him sincerely. He brought his lips to yours with that single word. He was so proud of your for being so brave and strong. He wishes he was half the person you were. His lips conveyed those thoughts of his and you could taste the love and passion burning through his heart and out on to his lips. He tasted like home. z he was home. Your lips smacked together messily, but you didn’t care because you loved each other too much and had kissed each other even more. Once you pulled back he stayed close to you, smiling at you with such awe. “I think.. I think I want to try medication please.”

Harry didn’t say ‘okay’ or ‘sure thing’, no. He said four words that meant more to you in that moment that any others in the universe. More than saying ‘I love you.’ Words that reminded you that not everything is okay and that sucks really bad, but you’re doing your best to get through it. It was a reminder that you had so many people who loved you and cared for you. It was a gun at the starting line symbolising that the journey ahead wasn’t going to be easy, but worth it.

“I’m proud of you.”

[sukirichi]

total opposites

You and Toge swap bodies after encountering a fairytale curse, and similar to its origin, it also takes a fairytale method to break it.

REQUEST. body swap au + best friends to lovers

CONTENT/WARNINGS. slight crack fic, some cursing, implications of nsfw but nothing explicit, just Toge being a not-so closet pervert, usual best friend bickering, reader is fem bodied, unedited story (I should stop saying this, everyone knows I don’t edit my stuff)

NOTES. I enjoyed writing this, tysm for the request anon, this was really cute! definitely this is shooting up in one of my fav works ever (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧

You stretched your arms overhead, feeling great after sleeping in. It wasn’t common of you to sleep this late, but you and Toge had gone stargazing the night before. A smile made its way to your face as you reminisced him reciting rice ball ingredients, signing that he was telling poetry to ‘match the mood’ until you’d both fallen asleep on the soft blanket atop a hill.

You don’t remember how you made it back to your room, but figured that Toge had carried you back home before the sun rose. Making a mental note to thank your best friend later, you yawned as you padded out to your room, hands rubbing in circles at your stomach.

Hopefully breakfast would be amazing today.

The door next to you opened, revealing your younger classmate, and you frowned, because wasn’t Kugisaki your next door neighbour? Well, whatever, he, Yuuji, and Kugisaki might’ve taken advantage of the rare, peaceful weekend that they probably had a movie marathon the night before.

“Morning, Megumi!” you greeted, coughing a bit when you sounded off, throat a little horse and itchy. At the sound of your voice, Megumi stilled in his tracks, eyes wide at you. His comical expression had you barking in laughter, shooting finger guns his way as you wiggled your eyebrows. “Ey, be a good dog and bark for me, will you?”

Semi-visible sonic waves drifted like waves after one another out your mouth. Megumi scowled before he froze the next second, ears perked up and backside wagging in replacement of a tail. “Woof woof!”

“What the hell?” you reeled back in slight disgust, your underclassman’s cheeks burning red. Then, your lips grazed against a soft cloth, making you look down.

You blinked back once. Twice. You were definitely...built different today. Curiously, you tugged at the zipper peaking out from your black collar, the familiar zhoop sound of the zipper burned into your memory after hearing your best friend do it countless times before.

In front of you, Megumi screeched – the most noise he’d made ever since you met him – his jaw dropped open while you – or rather Toge stood at the end of the hallway, his hands squeezing at your breasts that were still under last night’s pyjamas. You blinked back once. Then twice, steam pouring from your nose when Toge, in your body, pointed at his body. 

“Oh, oh!” your scream bounced off the hallways hard enough that Panda slammed his door open, about to tell everyone to shut up when your voice let out a high-pitched scream.

“What are you doing in my body?!”

Looking down at where Toge was pointing, you were greeted by the sight of his dark uniform and sock clad feet, your chest replaced with hard muscles instead of the soft flesh. You turned to Toge with a stupefied look that mirrored his, both of you falling on the ground with fists pounding on the hardwood floor.

“I’m a fucking girl!” he cried out, whether out of happiness or frustration, it was hard to tell.

Meanwhile, you zipped his collar back up, tugging at his off-white hair as you forced yourself to remember his limited vocabulary. “BONITO FLAKES!”

Now you understood Toge’s frustration of being a cursed speech user. 

“Bonito Flakes” definitely did not hold the same fury as “FUCK” did.

“You and I need to set down some boundaries,” you signed to him, brows pulled together. Toge seemed to be enjoying this sudden body swap a lot more than you did since he hadn’t stopped posing in the mirror the moment you pushed him back to your room, locking it shut to get some privacy. “You are not, under any circumstances, allowed to shower, do you understand?”

Toge scowled at your words, sassy as ever with his hands placed on his hips, buttocks jutted out. You hated, absolutely hated that he used your body this way because this time you couldn’t even laugh – not when seeing your body felt this awkward.

“You would really rather me stink?”

“You can’t undress too! Ever! Or if you will, your eyes better be closed. No peeking too!”

“Y/N, you and I grew up together. I’ve already seen everything,” he rolled his eyes, earning him a hard slap from the arm. Considering he was a lot more muscular than you were, your hit came a lot harder. “Ow!” he protested, rubbing the sore spot that ached, only to laugh at the sounds emitting from his lips. “Wow, I have to admit that this is really fun though. I’m actually talking,” he announced, “Hey, say salmon for me.”

“Bonito flakes!” you shook your head, “The moment Principal Yaga is back, we’re going to talk to him, okay? I don’t want to be stuck in your body any longer!”

“Please, you’re lucky you get to feel me up,” he winked at you, taking your (his) hands to flatten it on his stomach. “Come on, come on, feel my abs!” Whack. “Would you please stop slapping me? Your body is a lot more delicate than mine and my hands are – stop slapping me!”

Feeling bad for your friend and not wanting to abuse your body too much, you raised your hands in surrender with a roll of your eyes. “I can’t take you seriously with that voice. You’re too cute.”

“Complimenting ourselves now, aren’t we?” he scoffed, “Well, whatever, you are cute, especially when you’re angry. Such a shame I can’t see you do that right now because my handsome face is looking back at me.”

“I won’t hesitate to choke you, my friend.”

“You wouldn’t. You adore your body too much,” contrary to his words, Toge pulled a defensive stance. You threw a pillow at him, to which he easily dodged, clutching at the hem of your pyjamas afterwards. “Speaking of bodies, I really need to pee.”

“Hold it!”

“Are you insane? I’m not holding it, you’re going to kill us both!”

“Fine, I’ll take you to the rest room then,” you tugged at the hood of your shirt, pushing him inside the communal female restroom. Toge stood in the middle shock still, evidently flustered at the stalls and lack of urinals. You flicked a finger on his forehead, finger pointed to a stall. “Go pee. That’s my body – I need to make sure you’re not going to do anything weird with it.”

“I thought you trusted me, friend. Why would you think I’d touch you that way?”

You gave him an ‘are you serious?’ look. “You jack off every fucking night, Toge. I can hear you even from the next hallway. Plus, you’re a horny teenage male, who’s to say you wouldn’t be curious and try to see what female masturbation feels like?”

His eyes lit up at the idea, fist coming down to bounce at the palm of his hand as he nodded. “That’s actually a good idea—”

“Don’t you even dare.”

“What?!” you and Toge both exclaimed. He faced you with utter horror written on his face and you gasped, slapping both palms over your lips.

“It is true,” Principal Yaga affirmed with a grim look on his face. He’d recently got back to fetch your troublesome Gojo-Sensei who’d been caught starting a ruckus in Roponggi while women flocked around him, leading to your principal to haul his ass back to the school grounds. “Some curses are manifested through daily objects, and sometimes even through nature. That shooting star you saw was an example of that.”

“But is kissing really necessary?” Toge queried with a wary gaze sent your way.

“It’s a fairytale curse. It can only be broken through a true love’s kiss.”

“But sir, Toge and I have never dated anyone before. How can we miraculously fall in love with someone to break this curse overnight?”

“It doesn’t have to happen overnight. Sometimes, a simple crush will do,” Principal Yaga sighed, scratching his bald head with his face pulled deep in thought. “Y/N, you have a crush on Gojo-Sensei right? I’m going to kill him if he actually kisses you – and knowing that damn brat he might if you ask him – but I think a kiss on the cheek will suffice. For now, you both just have to...broaden your relationships. Maybe go out on dates.”

“I don’t mind that. In fact, I’m going to have the time of my life,” Toge cheered, his mood dampening once he saw you stiffen. “But my body is...”

Knowing full well that he’d get insecure over his lack of speech again, you glared at him hard enough that your best friend straightened up, lips puckered out in a pout as if you hadn’t just caught him talking badly about himself again when you’ve told him countless times he was perfectly fine the way he was.

It made you sigh, feeling slightly bad that until now he still couldn’t see himself the way you saw him – not that you’d ever vocalize this; Toge would never shut up (in the best way he could) if he had the slightest idea what went inside your head.

“You’re lucky you have a pretty face. Otherwise, it’s going to be impossible for anyone to like you,” you teased instead, somewhat flustered at your indirect compliment.

Toge merely scoffed at you, his gaze burning and hard, contrasting the teasing little shit grin he wore. “Oh, please, if I wasn’t the cursed speech user, I would’ve banged—”

“Kids!” Principal Yaga threw his dolls at you hard, the both of you clutching at your heads in pain. How were those dolls as heavy as rocks? “Take your bickering back to your rooms please. No more of this mess and noise. It’s late.”

You frowned at the old man, face pleading as you signed, “Principal Yaga, can’t we really do anything else? Aren’t there any techniques to undo this?”

You and Toge knew that combination so well – pitch black eyes, jaw clenched, lips pursed and palms interlaced under his chin – one that meant his words were final and irrevocable. None of you could argue or suggest more solutions the moment the words left his lips like an ultimate decree. “The technique is the kiss. Now leave.”

You and Toge tried, you both really did. 

But following Principal Yaga’s suggestion of dating others had turned out to be a complete fail – even with your normal body and Toge’s physical charisma. 

It simply didn’t work; not when Megumi ran away from you every time you tried to get him to kiss you with your arms wide open, and Toge wasn’t helping either by pushing Gojo-Sensei away from you every time the cheeky eyed teacher announced his willingness to help.

Eventually, you and your best friend had retired in his room, the scent of him coated all over his pillows and his shirt that you wore. That felt comforting, at least, and you buried yourself in the crook of your body’s neck, bodies tangled with one another.

Who knew dating could be so tiring?

A wave of irritation flashed over you from today’s events, knowing full well that this could’ve been avoided long ago. Scowling, you cuddled Toge closer, lightly flicking your fingers on your body’s chest. “This is your damn fault, Toge.”

“You were the one who asked me to stargaze with you.”

“You don’t always have to say no to everything I ask of you, you know.”

“You’re really dumber than I thought if you think I could easily say no to you,” he snorted above you, his chin resting atop your head. “I don’t have a lot of weakness because I’m a strong sorcerer—” another flick, a harsher one this time around. “Okay, okay, I’m just kidding! But I mean it though – you’re my best friend and my weakness. Of course I’d do anything to make you happy, even if it’s something as stupid as stargazing.”

“Hey!” you made a sound of protest in your throat, looking back at him with a frown. “It wasn’t stupid, it was romantic.”

Hell yeah, it was romantic indeed – your heart still skipped a beat every time you remembered Toge’s starry eyes matching the night sky’s beauty, the words salmon and mustard leaf surprisingly sexy every time it came from him. It was stupid – so fucking stupid – that you groaned into his chest to hide your flushed face.

“Yeah, I suppose it was.”

The room fell silent, your syncopated breathing soothing during this stressful times. Taking advantage of your voice, Toge began to hum, singing the songs you both had always listened to in the privacy of your room during lazy days. It brought a smile to your face as you clutched to him tighter, heart pounding in your chest as you gazed up at him, tapping his chin to get his attention. “Toge, can I say something weird?”

“Please, nothing you say surprises me anymore. Shoot.”

Your mouth began to dry as you cleared your throat in an attempt to hide your awkwardness, gaze pointedly averted from his prying ones. “You and I...we’ve known each other for a long time and we love each other. As best friends, of course.”

“Sheesh, friendzone much?”

“Would you please shut up and listen to me seriously for once?” you huffed, making him snicker, but nodded at you anyway to continue. “As I was saying – why don’t we kiss? It could be true love’s kiss.”

Toge didn’t speak for a good minute, the pregnant pause filling in the gap filled with tension. You taped his cheek, waving his hand in front of his eyes when he dazed out. When his gaze focussed back on you, Toge was surprisingly calm – although beneath that composed exterior, his mind had simply short-circuited. “If this is your way to get to make out with me, I’m going to sock you in the face.”

“Toge, I’m serious! Let’s kiss!”

“I don’t want to!” he shook his head indignantly, hiding his face by hugging you close to his chest instead.

“Why not? Don’t you want to swap back to your original body? Both of us haven’t showered in two days and I’m sick of the way you smell. You’re lucky I love you though, otherwise I’m going to cry. Come on, Toge, what’s holding you back?” you tried to fight back from his grip, but he’d surprised you both when he only squeezed you tighter, both your erratic heart rates matching the other.

“I said no.”

“Toge, it’s just a damn kiss, what’re you so afraid of?”

“I’m afraid that if we don’t swap back, then that means you don’t love me the way I love you!” he finally admitted, breathing hard before continuing. “Principal Yaga said it must be a kiss between lovers and not just platonic friends okay?” you attempted to scramble away from his arms again, and this time he let you, though he’d closed his eyes, cheek squished on the pillows as he murmured, “I don’t want you to reject me... even though I messed up already.”

“Wait,” you snapped your fingers to make him open his eyes, hesitant as you signed, “You...you love me that way?”

“I don’t want to talk about it.”

“Why not?”

“Because my face is staring back at me and it’s fucking awkward – I wanted to see your face when I confessed!” he sat up with a frustrated groan, childishly kicking off the sheets of the bed as he clutched his head in his hands. “I had everything planned, okay? Nobara and Yuuji helped me think of everything because Megumi is shit when it comes to love. Listen, I was going to ask you on a candlelit date and then maybe kiss the life out of you – if you feel the same way—”

“Kiss me.” The body he possessed a victim of his own powers, Toge was left with no choice but to grab your face before his mouth pressed against yours, fingers entangled into the other’s hair. You were smiling into the kiss the whole time, barely able to recognize when Toge had shifted your bodies until you were under him, his hands running down your sides lovingly the whole time. 

Pulling away to get some air, you opened your eyes, unsurprised when Toge laid above you, his strong arms planted beside your head.

Both of you were breathing hard from the passionate kiss filled with so much sexual tension and longing, your tongue darting out to swipe at his taste on your lips. The laughter that bubbled out of you was pure, wholesome and swollen like your heart. “I love you too, idiot.”

“Salmon!” Toge peppered your cheeks with kisses, pulling out more gleeful laughter from you, his playful and loving attacks more of a gift than a punishment. Once you’d recovered from your happiness – although really, who could recover after that? – Toge unzipped his collar, his smile nothing but wicked when he commanded, “Kiss me again.”

[atlabeth]

tis the damn season part 3 - rafe cameron

part 2 | masterlist | part 4

a/n: lol sorry this took a metric fuck ton of time to come out i went back to school and i lost all motivation to write</3 i love it here. just for reference i drafted this post up on december 22 2021 and then proceeded not to touch it until like, two days ago. so yeah. i dont know if anyone still wants this series because it's been so long but here's part 3 anyways. a christmas fic in april? it's more likely than you think

and YES the family dinner was supposed to be in this chapter but i dont feel like making absurdly long chapters for this series so with my track record, you guys will have to wait another 3 months for it # lmao

warning(s): ward being a lil bit of a drama queen, alcohol (but they are all 21 its okay)

wc: 4.7k

It was far too early in the morning when you woke up, the first rays of the sunrise just barely managing to filter through the window drapes. You yawned as you sat up in the bed, and you couldn’t help the small smile that emerged when you looked over and saw Rafe still asleep next to you. He looked so peaceful when he was asleep, without all the pressure that came with his life, and you had to stop yourself from reaching out a hand to play with his already messy hair. (You couldn't even think about him being shirtless under the covers.) It felt far too natural, and it was way too easy to imagine that this was real.

You pushed those thoughts away as quickly as they appeared and slid out of bed, trying your best to be quiet as you walked to the bathroom. (You still thought it was insane that he had a bathroom in his room.)

Your first day in the Cameron household was easier than you thought it would be, but you attributed that to the surprising lack of family togetherness — Rose spending almost all day on the mainland and Sarah hanging out with her friends that night saved you from a first night family dinner. You were eternally grateful, because now you had an extra day to mentally prepare to play the part of the girlfriend on stage.

After washing your face and fixing your hair from a night of sleep, you decided to make the daring venture outside in the name of caffeine. You padded your way from Rafe’s room to the kitchen, trying to make as little noise as possible seeing as the Camerons were all likely asleep. If it was your decision you wouldn’t be awake either, but your internal clock from waking up early for 8ams was still on, much to your annoyance.

Their coffee maker was right next to the sink and you got to work making it the way you did at home. But god, this kitchen was a lot bigger than anything you were used to, and for some reason these people didn’t keep the coffee next to the coffee maker. You found the coffee filters quicker than you found the actual coffee. In what world—

“Looks like we’ve got another early riser in the family.”

Your heart nearly bursted out of your chest at the unexpected voice as it interrupted your internal rant, and when you whirled around you were met with the sight of Ward Cameron. He chuckled and held up his hands when you let out an obvious sigh of relief.

“Sorry, sorry — I didn’t mean to scare you like that.”

You offered a sheepish smile and shook your head. “You’re fine. I just wasn’t expecting anyone else to be up right now.” You gestured at the opened cabinets behind you. “I was just trying to find some coffee. Can’t really start my day without it.”

“Did you check the pantry?” he asked, gesturing behind him with a pointed finger to a door that you certainly did not check.

You sighed and shook your head as you walked over and opened the door. You made a triumphant noise when you found a bag of coffee grounds and walked back over to the counter. “Thank you,” you said as you opened the bag, then began spooning grounds into the fresh coffee filter. “I’m not used to a place this big.”

“So I’ve noticed,” Ward said, a hint of amusement in his voice. “Where are you from?”

“Raleigh,” you answered, and after you hit a few buttons you turned back to face him. “Right in the city, born and raised. I’ve lived in North Carolina all my life, but I’ve actually never come down here. I can’t wait to see more of it with Rafe.”

“It is a lovely place,” he agreed with a nod, then he crossed his arms. “I just can’t understand why Rafe’s never told us about you before. We only found out about you a couple days ago on the phone, but he said you’ve been dating since late freshman year.”

You nodded along to the story, filing the note away in your mind for future reference. Almost two years, since freshman year third quarter, moved in after you were dating. You guessed this was what Rafe meant when you agreed to improv this whole backstory. “You have me to blame for that. Um— after we got together, I asked him not to tell people up front, and that included his family. Just because I wanted to make sure that we were steady without the input of anyone else, you know? When he asked if I would come down for break with him to meet you all, it felt like it was the right time. I’m sorry that we kept it from you, but I don’t regret it.”

Something akin to surprise flashed in Ward’s eyes but it was gone just as quickly as he offered a slight smile. “I understand. But you have to know that I’m a man who values candor, and that’s why I’m just going to ask you upfront.” Your brows creased in question, but you didn’t have the chance to ask before Ward hit you with a bullet. “What are your intentions with my son?”

It was such a high school question that you had to hold back a laugh, especially after you realized he was serious. “I’m… I’m sorry?”

“Rafe’s a junior in college, just like you. He’s taking his hardest course load yet, as well as contributing to Cameron Development back home. He’s setting himself up for a bright future in the business, and he can’t afford to stumble right now.” You shifted unconsciously under his eyes, uncomfortable at the scrutiny. “He doesn’t need any distractions.”

You huffed a dry laugh, still in disbelief that he was trying to have this kind of talk with you on your second day here. “With all due respect, I’m not a distraction, and Rafe’s not a child. The whole time we’ve been dating, his performance has been nothing less than stellar. He’s made the dean’s list every year, and I’m sure once he gets his grades back from finals it’ll be the same thing. He can handle a relationship along with college.”

“I’m not questioning Rafe’s intelligence,” Ward said, a slight edge to his words. “I’m questioning your role in his life.”

Your grip tightened on the mug in an effort not to drop it, but you felt at this rate you might break the ceramic instead. “I’m sorry Mr. Cameron, but I don’t think this is an appropriate conversation for us to have. Enjoy the rest of your morning.”

You kept your gaze trained straight ahead as you walked past him, on a steady path to Rafe’s room to get away from a middle-aged man’s high school drama. You knew that this would happen eventually, but you thought you would get a little more time to prepare before he did his whole thing. Ward Cameron, just as Rafe told you, was a whole different kind of father.

Rafe was just waking up when you entered his room again, and you made a point of closing the door before leaning up against it with a huff. He frowned as he sat up, and amusement poked holes in your anger at the sight of him. Messy hair, that look in his eyes that says he was slightly out of it, and a morning voice that was near lethal when he speaks. “Why’re you up so early? Now I’m up too, at—” he squinted as he looked at the clock on his bedside table, “—6:47. On winter break.”

You rolled your eyes, hiding your smile as you sipped your coffee. “I can’t help it. You should be a heavier sleeper.”

“Whatever,” he mumbled, and he let himself fall back down onto the mattress. “I can’t even go back to sleep because I’m in planning mode.”

You hummed into your cup, amused. “Really? Planning mode? What, are you gonna draw up a house in front of me?”

Rafe snorted. “No, it means that you’re gonna have to deal with everything I’ve been coming up with to save us from the onslaught that is my parents trying to get to know the girlfriend.”

“Ah,” you said with a nod. “Hit me with it.”

“I’m sorry to say that the grace period of your visit is over,” he said. “Any chance my parents get, they’re going to be drilling us — mostly you, really — about our relationship. But, I can get us out of a lot of the day stuff by going around the island, showing you new things and shit. And luckily for you, I already texted my friends last night, and they’re down to hang out today.”

You pursed your lips and nodded slowly. “About that. Your friends — sounds great. Love it. Your parents — not great. Your dad’s already tried to Big Bad Wolf his way into my head.”

Rafe immediately sat up and looked at you, his brows creased in concern. “He— okay, what does that mean?”

You chuckled. “He tried to intimidate me, Rafe. But it’s not like it worked — I mean, those tactics lose a lot of weight when we’re not even together.”

“Still,” he pushed, “it’s not okay for him to talk to you like that. Especially on our second day here— god, he really has no boundaries. He barely even knows you and he’s already trying to get in your head—”

“Rafe,” you interrupted, giving him a pointed look. “It’s okay. I’m just telling you because I think it’s kind of ridiculous how bad he is at being subtle. He really just comes out, guns blazing.” You lowered your voice to Ward’s timbre. “What are your intentions with my son? I don’t understand what happiness is.”

Rafe huffed a laugh but the concern didn't leave his gaze. “Are you sure that you’re okay?”

“Yes,” you reassured, “I’m perfectly fine. If anything, it’s prepared me for the inevitable family dinner tonight.”

Rafe groaned as he finally pulled himself out of bed, picking up the shirt he threw on the floor the night before and tugging it on. “God, don’t remind me or I’m gonna end up day drinking.”

“Don’t worry — I’ll keep you sober until at least noon,” you said with a smile. “Now what were you saying about those friends?”

-

It took a few more hours — mostly of Rafe waking himself up — before the two of you were ready to go. You spent the time talking through your relationship (you updated him on the additions to the backstory) and he told you some about his friends.

Topper and Kelce — you remembered some things about them from stories Rafe had told, but you didn’t really know anything, apart from some stupid things they did at parties when they were still in high school. Rafe was sure that they would like you, but it was going to come with a lot of teasing on their part. You could deal with that.

You were adding a few finishing touches to your appearance when Rafe called your name and you looked up from the bathroom mirror. “Put this on,” he said, and he threw something over to you that you just managed to catch.

“Why?” you frowned, holding it up in front of you to see that it was one of his favorite flannel hoodies. “I have my own jackets.”

“Come on, you’ve dated guys before, I’ve dated girls before. All girlfriends are hoodie thieves.”

“Oh my god,” you laughed, and you shook your head. “I’ve never been to a country club before, but I’m pretty sure this isn’t appropriate attire.”

He shrugged. “Your dress is perfect for it; you can just take it off when we get there. I just don’t want you to be cold on the way.”

You just smiled. “You’re really going all in on this, huh?”

“My livelihood’s at stake, babe,” Rafe said with mock austerity. “I’m gonna need you to put it on — this is serious business.”

You snorted and rolled your eyes, but you slipped it on over your outfit anyways. It was surprisingly comfortable, and it smelled faintly of Rafe’s cologne. “Is it within my roomie privileges to take your sweatshirts once we get back home?” you asked as you walked out of the bathroom. “Because this is maximum luxury.”

“After going through this with me, you can have whatever hoodies you want, free of charge,” he chuckled. Rafe glanced in the mirror as he ran a hand through his hair, doing his thing where he tried to make it messy enough to look natural but styled enough to be presentable. You caught yourself looking and immediately averted your eyes, instead adjusting the strings on the hoodie as you followed him out the door.

The house was surprisingly empty when everyone was off doing their own thing — in a place this big, it was almost unnerving. The distance from Rafe’s room to the kitchen was basically the size of your apartment, but where your home was always filled with warmth of your mother and the music of everyday activities, Tanneyhill was devastatingly cold.

Maybe that spark of sympathy was what led you to slip your hand into Rafe’s without thinking. Though he glanced at you in surprise at first, it melted into a smile as he squeezed your hand and led you outside. You were almost disappointed when you reached his truck and he let go, but you pushed that away as quickly as possible as you got in the passenger side.

Just friends.

“So,” Rafe started as he backed out of the driveway, “we’re meeting at the country club. Kelce and Top don’t know anything about you, only the stuff that’s popped up when I’ve told ‘em stories that you’ve ended up in. They’re… honestly pretty good at detecting bullshit, especially when it comes to me. So I hope your lying is up to par.”

“Please,” you scoffed, “I’ll have you know I played an amazing Eponine in Les Mis sophomore year — I know exactly how to act like I’m in love with a guy. And if you need me to fake getting shot, I can do that too.”

He laughed and shook his head. “Good to know that we have options, but I don’t think it’s gonna get that bad. Just be yourself and they’ll love you — I know it.” Rafe smiled and you responded in kind.

The drive to the country club was quicker than you thought it would be, but you felt oddly prepared as you walked inside with Rafe, once again holding hands. You stopped at the hostess’s stand, and a few seconds later a woman walked up holding a stack of menus.

“Welcome to Kildare Country Club,” she said with a smile. “What can I help you with today?”

“There should be a reservation under Cameron?” Rafe said, his eyes darting around as he looked for his friends. “Two people might be here already, um— Topper Thornton and Kelce Smith.”

She nodded and pointed to the outside seating area. “They’re over there; should be the third table from the left.”

“Thanks.” Rafe pulled a bill out of his pocket, and you saw the twenty on it as he put it on the stand. “Have a good day.”

Her eyes widened slightly and she nodded, and as you started to walk off you nudged Rafe with your elbow. “That’s a generous tip. Am I rubbing off on you?”

He shrugged with a small smile. “I’ve been trying to be better about it.”

“Cameron!”

Your attention was drawn to the voice, the source of it a tall blonde who screamed frat boy. From pictures you knew he was Topper, and the dark-skinned guy behind him was Kelce. They were both wearing polos and khaki shorts, and you had to hold back a laugh. If you looked up country club in the dictionary, there would probably be a picture of them there.

Rafe grinned as he went over to them, hugging both boys then launching into an elaborate handshake. This time, you couldn’t stifle your laughter.

“You’re a total nerd,” you joked, and that earned you both boys’ attention as huge grins took over.

“Holy shit,” Topper said. “Kelce, it’s the girl.”

“You finally did it,” Kelce laughed, hitting Rafe on his shoulder. “Congrats, man. Never thought you’d actually get the guts.”

You chuckled a little bit, giving Rafe a slightly odd look before nodding a greeting to both boys. They couldn’t get those ridiculous smiles off their face, and so you nudged Rafe to get him to explain. He was knocked out of his one-sided glaring contest as he looked at you, and you gestured with your head at the two of them. Thankfully, he understood it.

“Let’s just get to the table,” he said as he slid an arm around your waist, “before you two start acting like even bigger idiots.”

“Sorry, sorry,” Kelce held up his hands as the four of you started walking. “You just didn’t mention you’d be bringing your girl.”

“Or that she was the girl,” Topper added, and Rafe just shook his head as you all reached the table. You didn’t expect it when he pulled out your chair for you, and you tried to hide your amusement as you sat down. You were starting to really dig the benefits of this fake dating thing.

He took his own seat next to you and, after a small smile at you, looked at his friends. “Top, Kelce, by how annoying you’re already acting I assume you know, but this is Y/N, my girlfriend.”

“Yeah, it’s about time.” Topper turned to you and inclined his head. “He has not shut up around you since freshman year. I thought he was going to die before he actually asked you out.”

“Shut up, man.” Rafe tried to flick Topper’s arm across the table but he just raised his hands in defense, his self-satisfied smile remaining.

“It’s nice to meet you both,” you said, jumping in an attempt to save Rafe from some embarrassment. “I’ve heard a lot about you two; all good things.”

“And we have heard a lot about you,” Kelce said. “But you should probably go over some stuff again, so we can hear it without Rafe’s lovesick filter.”

Rafe groaned and put his head in his hands. “You guys are the worst.”

You laughed but decided to indulge them anyway. “Well, I’m Y/N, like you already know. I go to Chapel Hill with Rafe, and I’m a humanities major on a pre-med track. I’m uh— I’m from Raleigh, and I’ve never been to the Outer Banks before, but it’s pretty great so far.”

“Pre-med?” Topper raised his eyebrows and looked at Rafe. “Sounds like she’s too smart for you.”

“That’s because she is,” Rafe said. “She’s already starting to apply to med schools, and she got a 522 on her MCAT! She is a genius, Topper.”

You felt your cheeks flush and you shook your head. “Stop, Rafe. I’m not.”

“This is one time where you don’t have to be humble, babe.” Rafe took your hand and turned to his friends. “She almost got a full ride to Chapel Hill on merit scholarships, and she’s gonna be a kickass doctor once she graduates.”

You bit back your smile, but the heat continued to rise in your cheeks. It did feel pretty good to have someone brag about you, especially after everything you had gone through to get to where you were.

“You wanna be a doctor?” Kelce asked. You nodded, and he grinned. “Sick. One of my cousins is an RN; she graduated from Vanderbilt a couple years ago for med school.”

“Really?” Your eyes lit up as you leaned forward. “I’m applying there! I’m hoping for Johns Hopkins, but Vanderbilt’s been on my list for a while. I’ve also really been looking into Southern California.”

“Oh, god,” Topper muttered. “Rafe, this is gonna go on for a while. Wanna go get drinks?”

Rafe glanced at you and when you nodded, he nodded. “Uh, sure. Just try not to talk her ear off, Kelce.”

You perked up. “Oh, can you get me—”

“A Mai Tai?” Rafe finished, and you grinned. “Yeah.”

“You know me so well.”

“I try.” Rafe hesitated for a moment as he stood up, and then he leaned in and gave you a quick kiss on the cheek. You quickly covered your surprise up with a half smile, and he mouthed ‘sorry’ with a slightly harried expression as he walked off with Topper.

“Well, good luck with Johns Hopkins,” Kelce said. “If you’re anything like Rafe’s described, then I’m sure you’ll be able to get in.”

Your smile grew and you nodded. “Thanks, Kelce. I really hope so.” You paused for a second, trying to find the words for your question. “Um, what has he said about me? To you and Topper.”

“I don’t really know if it’s my business to tell you, but let me just say that he is really into you. But…” Kelce sighed and his expression sobered. “You should know that my boy’s had it bad for you, for a long time. You obviously mean a lot to him if he’s bringing you home for Christmas, because he has never done it with a girl before. I think you’re one of the only ones he’s introduced to his family too. So… just don’t mess with him. I can tell you’re a good person, so I don’t think you will, but…” he trailed off, the implication hanging in the air.

You didn’t know what to say to that. What could you say to that? Rafe has liked you since freshman year, or at the very least has had feelings for you at some point. But now you were acting as his fake date until New Year’s, and meeting his friends and family along the way. What did that mean for this whole thing?

You decided to ignore the whole thing, at least for now. You would deal with it later when you weren’t in front of an audience.

“Yeah,” you nodded, “of course. I would never hurt Rafe. I… I really care about him. I still can’t really believe that we’re together, honestly. It feels like a dream.”

Kelce smiled and you did too, but as it turned slightly coy you decided to ask the question that had been bugging you since it was brought up. “Did he really talk about me that much?”

He laughed. “Oh my god, constantly. Ever since this one party he went to freshman year, he wouldn’t stop talking about this girl that he met that, and I quote, rocked his world.”

You laughed as well, and when your fingers brushed your cheek you could feel all the heat that had gathered there. For the love of god, you needed to relax.

You just started taking your sweatshirt— Rafe’s sweatshirt, you reminded yourself— when he and Topper got back to the table, carrying a whole lot of drinks between them.

“One Mai Tai for the lady,” Rafe said, placing the glass in front of you, “and a fuck ton of shots for the rest of us.”

“Oh my god.” Your eyes widened slightly as Topper and Rafe placed down a combined ten shots, and you looked at your watch. “Guys, it’s 12:34; it is not late enough for shots. What’s even in there?”

Topper smiled. “Vodka. And this one,” he pushed the extra glass in your direction, “is for you. Think of it as your OBX rite of passage.”

You shook your head but the beginnings of a smile found its way onto your lips. “I can’t believe you’re all doing shots at noon, vodka at that.”

“Hey,” Kelce started as he picked up his own shot, “they do bottomless mimosas here every morning, which means they want you to get drunk before noon. We’re just subverting expectations by doing it thirty minutes after.”

You rolled your eyes and sighed. “Fine. But only this, because I have a feeling I’m gonna end up driving home.”

“Don’t worry,” Rafe said as he clinked your shots together with a smile, “I’ll make sure you don’t get too drunk.”

“I’m pretty sure that doesn’t count if you drink more than me.” You threw back your shot and your entire face immediately scrunched up as you set the glass on the table, regret instantly hitting you. “I forgot how much I hated vodka,” you winced.

“You’re such a lightweight,” Rafe joked, looking completely unaffected just like Kelce and Topper.

“Oh, you love it,” you retorted.

“Yeah,” Rafe agreed with a smile, “I do.”

You only managed to hide one of your own by taking a sip of your drink, completely oblivious to the very knowing looks Topper and Kelce were giving each other as you and Rafe basically beamed at each other.

“You guys gotta get a room,” Kelce interrupted, and you choked on your drink. That was enough to break the temporary reverie.

All that shit Kelce told you was throwing you for a spin, but it obviously didn’t mean anything. It was freshman year — you’d changed a lot in two years, and there was no doubt Rafe had too. He didn’t like you anymore, at least not like that. You were sure of it.

Besides. What kind of idiot asked his former crush to fake date him?

-

You ended up spending a lot more time with Kelce and Topper than you thought you would, but then again — the conversation also flowed a lot easier than you thought it would. You talked more about yourself, Topper and Kelce told you stupid stories about Rafe when he was younger, and a hefty amount of teamwork between you and your fake boyfriend kept the relationship talk to a minimum.

It wasn’t until four hours later when Rafe got a text from Rose asking him to come home to help set things up for dinner that you had to say goodbye to the boys, and only after a whole lot of last minute teasing crammed in by Kelce and Topper.

With the keys to Rafe’s truck in one hand — after his fourth shot you decided to stop a quarter of the way through your own drink to officially take over DD status — and his own hand intertwined in the other, the two of you walked out to the parking lot. It was then that you finally burst, the questions that had been piling on top of each other toppling over almost the second you were far enough away from the country club.

“Oh my god, Rafe—”

“Don’t even say it,” he muttered, but you couldn’t bite back your laughter.

“You had a crush on me!” you exclaimed, giving him a playful shove. “That is so embarrassing!”

He laughed and glanced at you. “How is that embarrassing?

“I don’t know,” you shrugged, “it just is. I mean, I didn’t know you constantly talked about me—”

Rafe shook his head again, and it was then that he seemed to realize you two were still holding hands, because he let go to run one through his hair. “They exaggerated. They just like to make fun of me, and now that they have a hot girl to do it in front of, they’re relentless.”

You grinned at him as you came to a stop in front of his truck, leaning against the side of the car in an attempt to mimic him. “You think I’m hot?”

Rafe groaned, but the smile and slight pink tint on his cheeks gave away his amusement. “Just get in the car.”

“Sure, sure,” you relented. You got in on the driver’s side and put on your seatbelt, waiting to start the car until he did the same. “But seriously — this was like, an all-in-one day. You babe’d me, bragged about me, and kissed me. I think we’re definitely ready for tonight.”

“You’re impossible, you know that?”

“I try.” But you backed out of the spot, you couldn’t help but glance at him with a mischievous smile. “Good to know I rocked your world though.”

He put his head in his hands with yet another groan. “I’m never letting you near my friends again.”

-

perm tags: @dv0412 @siriuslyslyslytherin @maruchan77 @simonsbluee @kwyloz @masteroperator

obx: @milkiane @lilgoddesshines

series: @aaleksmorozova @everyonesannoyedwithme @sunnysidee-up @onlygetaway @itsalexwin @hanniebee33

[roscgcld]

HEADCANON + VARIOUS || s/o turning into a child

request:  Hi hi! How’s it goin? Just saw requests were open and wondering if we could get more of where s/o turns in to a child and is scared of her partner but later when they turn back normal the partner is all clingy. With Satouru, megumi and nanami?

note: first off, hello love! i’m doing well even with these circumstances, and i hope you’re doing well too! and secondly, i would not mind doing more of hcs for this prompt! it was really cute and fluffy, and i had a lot of fun with it honestly!

anime: jujutsu kaisen

characters: gojo satoru, fushiguro megumi, nanami kento

pronouns: them/they

GOJO SATORU

gojo did not think that the first thing he’d see when he wakes up the next morning is a child you curled up against his side, sleeping peacefully without a care in the world

at first he’s going to be so confused, since he was sure you two have no kids, one, and two, he was sure you two fell asleep together

whilst he’s trying to figure out what’s happening, you’d wake up and he’d watch you without making a comment; because his Six Eyes never lie. It’s you, but what looks to be in child form

“Uh…good morning?”

when you see a super tall man with weird eyes next to you, you’d definitely clam up and look like you were on the verge of crying since you have no idea who this weird man is

no doubt he’d be unsure of how to deal with you, because let’s be honest here - you’re usually the parent in the relationship and he’d be the child between the both of you

so he’d try to coax you to talk to him, but you refused to even get out of the comforts of the bed; curling the duvet around you to hide away from the scary man

he will find you so cute, but would call Ieiri to see if she can drop by to check on you since ‘my girlfriend became a toddler over night and apparently hates me’

“wouldn’t be the first woman to feel like that, Satoru.” Ieiri would sigh through the phone as she walked out of her office towards your shared room with Gojo.

“how mean!”

when Ieiri checks up on you, she kept making faces at you that made you giggle and smile the entire time, and that offended Gojo since you seem to enjoy her company over his

Ieiri would just pick you up after explaining to Gojo that you probably got hit by a Cursed Technique, and that it will naturally wear off over the day - for now, she just wanted to show you off to the rest of the faculty members

principal yaga might just adore you, since you were his favourite student before - even letting you cuddle up to one of his Cursed Dolls that he didn’t activate

gojo lowkey judging you when you’d huge it against your chest with a giggle because who on earth find those dolls cute?

even nanami got you to smile and giggle, letting you sit in his lap with your tiny hands messing with his printed tie whilst he read a book quietly

every time gojo tries though? you’d squirm away or hide into the nearest adult’s legs, clinging onto them whilst you tried to stop your tears

nanami had decided to bring you to visit the students, who all fell in love with you and entertained you for the entire day

especially yuji - he’s got the energy of the child, so you two definitely had fun. fushiguro let his devine dog out to let you pet it, whilst nobara definitely decorated you in a lot of cute hair accessories

maki would find you quite adorable, since you started to follow her about, you cuddling up into toge’s arms and playing with the zipper of his uniform, and even riding on panda’s shoulders

gojo would probably the most poutiest person the entire day, and would make his displeasure known to everyone - and i mean everyone, who passes by him

lowkey though think he isn’t that sad since he still gets to record a lot of blackmail, and that he knows that you’d probably return back to normal - even if you’re scared shitless of him right now

when you return the next day, I bet he’s going to cling onto your hip, whining about how you refused to give him any attention because you were scared at him

“baby~ you were scared of me! and refused to even look at me! do you know how sad I was?!”

you’d just give him an indulgent smile and gently run your fingers through his fluffy hair, chuckling when he would purr lightly and lean into his touch, knowing that he was looking up at you through his blindfold.

“you and i both know you definitely had a lot of fun recording all those videos.”

“…yeah, wanna see?” he’d give you a smirk before he pulled his phone out, pulling you into his lap so you two can watch the many videos he recorded

he’d take his opportunity to cuddle up into you, where you’d give him soft kisses and cuddle him close in your arms; because he’d never openly tell you just how worried he was about what happened yesterday

but you didn’t need words - you just know he needs some affection and cuddles to help reassure him that you’re fine, and that you still love him; even if he was a little offended that you found him ‘big and scary’

FUSHIGURO MEGUMI

poor boy definitely got the shock of his life - you were sitting on his bed playing with his devine dog when he entered the bathroom, but when he came out, a child you was seated there giggling and tugging at the soft fur of his devine dog

he’d just stand there with the most confused look on his face, entirely frozen since he wasn’t sure what’s going on and how to go about this situation

you’d look over and see him standing there with a deadpan expression - and let’s be honest, fushiguro’s deadpan expression is probably really scary

you’d probably freeze up and your bottom lip start to wobble as you hide your face into his devine dog’s fur to try and hide away from him; the dog unsure to go to his owner or stay with you, who he was taught to take care of as well

fushiguro might just walk out and leave you without a word, which made you blink in confusion at how weird the man was; only to return with a confused yuji who had been dragged out from his room wordlessly

“oh my god - it’s a mini Y/N!” Yuji would say with a laugh before he walks towards you, squatting down beside the bed with a smile whilst you looked over at him with teary eyes. “hello there, my name is Yuji.”

to be honest, who will not be drawn to the sunshine that is Yuji? So you quickly warm up to him and even let him take your hand in his before he led you out the room so he can show you about

he would be so offended - why do you find him scary, but you’d so readily follow Yuji, who you just met as well?

but he wouldn’t show it on his face, since he’s good with hiding his emotions; lowkey really hurt though

“gojo-sensei! come look at Y/N-san!” Yuji would call out to their teacher, who might be walking past the dorms at that moment; the tall shaman laughing when he saw a mini you staring up at him in awe.

“oh my god - it’s a tiny Y/N!” he’d say with a laugh before he squatted down and grinned over at you, to which you tilted your head curiously at him. “hello there, student of mine - my name is gojo-sensei.”

the three of you are going to cause absolute mayhem for the rest of the day - to the point where fushiguro might feel a tiny ounce of regret for going to yuji for help

when nobara was introduced to you, she couldn’t stop pinching your cheeks, cooing at how you’d smile up at her even as she was gently pinching your cheeks between her fingers. “you are such a cute baby, it’s not fair!”

she would definitely dress you up, wanting to take his opportunity to take a bunch of cute pictures of you wearing things like different accessories; might even ask if she can put some makeup on you so you’d look like a little doll

whenever fushiguro tries to talk to you, you’d get scared because he isn’t one to be super soft like nobara can be, or super friendly and warm like gojo or yuji - so that in itself didn’t help

you’d probably try and hide in yuji’s jacket or refuse to let gojo set you down on the ground when you see megumi close, which irritates the poor teen even more

yuji might try to help him talk to you by giving him some advice on how to handle kids, but you’d still be hesitant around him since he is just too awkward to know exactly on how to approach you

now he was definitely certain he is not interested in having kids anymore

eventually though he might just give up and let you be, hoping that he’d get his lover back soon so he doesn’t have to deal with this entire situation

when you came back the next day, super confused to why yuji is asking you if you felt okay because you felt fine?

until he explains the situation, and the first thing you did is went to fushiguro’s room and quietly entered his room to see what he’s up to

“thank god.” was the first thing you heard before you felt a pair of heavy arms wrapped around you protectively and a warm face buried into your neck; fushiguro’s hair tickling your cheek. “i am never going to take you for granted again.”

“i think you’re being a bit overdramatic.” you said with a light chuckle as you wrapped your arms around him as well, letting him recharge after yesterday’s events and the from the lack of affection he got from you. “yuji told me you’re terrible with kids.”

at first he will not say anything, but he did let out a soft grunt as he nuzzles closer, his warm hands reaching under your shirt to splay them over the small of your back. “by the way, if we ever get married, we are never going to have kids.”

you’d just roll your eyes at his words, shaking your head softly before you reach up to start playing with his hair between your fingers. “whatever you say, gumi.”

NANAMI KENTO

to be honest, nanami might be the only one who knows what to do with you. i feel like under that entire business man image he shows, he’s lowkey really good with kids

so when he walked into your shared room in the morning after making breakfast for the both of you and sees a child that looks like you blinking back at him, he’d just sigh tiredly and rub the bridge of his nose

“i do not get paid enough to handle half of this.”

you might feel super intimidated by him; but i feel like nanami might still be able to talk to you; or make compromises for you so that you’d at least feel a little more accepting of him

“now Y/N, don’t pout.” nanami would say with a tired sigh as he bent down on the side of your shared bed, giving you a soft smile even if you were unsure of him still. “if you do, who is going to eat the chocolate chipped pancakes I made?”

yes, you make nanami make you chocolate chip pancakes from time to time, and luckily the night before you told him of your craving for them - so what kind of boyfriend would he be if he didn’t make that dream happen for you?

he’d let you go and explore the house after breakfast whilst he gets ready, standing nearby to keep an eye on you but not stepping in when he sees you struggling - not because he wants to tease you, it’s more so he wants you to come up to him to ask for help yourself instead of forcing himself on you; which you did, with much reluctance

since he needs to go to the college today, he decided to bring you along, knowing that deep down that it was going to be the most hectic day he’s ever experienced

first person to see you was probably gojo, who might burst out laughing at the sight of you clinging onto the side of his pants after he made his way to work, bending down so he was your height. “oh my god, Y/N, you are so cute!”

“please do not scare them.” nanami would say with a tired sigh, watching you as you carefully walked out from behind nanami to give the white haired sorcerer a curious once over. “you are already a big enough of a pain as it is.”

much to his dismay though, you seem to warm up to gojo really well; even letting him pick you up and run about the campus to show you off to the rest of the staff and student body - confirming nanami’s belief that today was going to be a very long day

the students will love you - you are known as quite the formidable sorcerer who can take down special grade curses with ease; but right now you were curled up around fushiguro’s devine dog, playing with its fluffy tail in delight

you were dragged about to meet the second years as well, who were all so infatuated by their sometimes part time teacher being shrunk down into a child

nanami might go to ieiri for advice, and when he was told that it’d wear off naturally, he was more reassured, since this isn’t a permanent change

because you have other options to be with others, you did tend to avoid nanami in favour of more nicer people; and unfortunately to nanami, this fact did not go unnoticed by gojo

“is it just me, or is Y/N avoiding you more and more, kento-kun?”

“shut up, gojo.”

feel like he’d just leave you alone for the most part whilst he goes about his day, trying to return to his day as usual

but he does do things like make sure you’re not wandering about causing trouble for others, making sure you’re eating something healthy and not just get fed sweets by gojo, and making sure that you’re not getting into mischief

by the end of the day, nanami would be dead tired - since he had to deal with you whilst doing his normal thing at the college. so when his shift ended, he was more than willing to bring you home and hope for the best

when he woke up the next day, having slept on the couch so that you can have the bed, he sleepily went to go and check on you; taking a deep breath to prepare himself if you were still a child

much to his relief, you were back to normal; now curled up on his side of the bed. so he’d wordlessly just get under the covers and pull you into his chest, causing you to stir sleepily. “kento..?”

“go back to sleep, darling.” he’d mumble softly into your shoulder as he nuzzles close, causing you to blink back at him in confusion at how affectionate he was being this morning.

eventually though you found out from all the videos gojo took of you whilst you were a child, causing you to laugh as you wrapped your arms around your unamused boyfriend. “at least you know you’re going to be a good father.”

“i think that can wait for a little later, darling.”

© roscgcld — all rights reserved to me, rose, the author and creator of these works. do not repost/translate/claim my work as yours on any platform