#I should have bought the vegan hot dogs

[batwynn]

I’m back at the, ‘I just won’t eat’ because there isn’t anything I can immediately grab and put in my mouth stage of things again. My blood sugar is taking a hit out on me as we speak.

[sfarticles]

Get creative with veggie burgers

Check out my latest column

The unofficial start of summer passed last weekend, which means grilling season has begun, at least it has here in the Northeast.

Baked Falafel Burgers. You’ll be amazed at how vibrant the flavors are, how the parsley and lemon shine through. (Photo by Evi Abeler)

A juicy hamburger, a perfectly cooked steak, ribs, BBQ chicken or grilled hot dogs come to mind most often when one thinks of grilling or barbecue. However, if you have guests who are vegetarian or vegan, these menu items simply won’t do. A mass-produced packaged veggie burger is what most of us think is all that’s available to serve them.

With plant-based diets on the rise, we need to be creative in what to offer at a barbecue get-together. There are freshly made options available at the ready food counter at markets, and there is a bounty of delectable recipes to prepare at home.

As I have been trying to incorporate more vegetables in my diet, when dining out, trying chef-driven innovative varieties of veggie burgers is part of the fun. Those that don’t make the mark are when the restaurant purchases them ready-made and frozen. The times I have really enjoyed one, the chef put creative thought into the dish.

I am always on the lookout for tasty recipes for veggie burgers. When I saw the front cover of “Veggie Burgers Every Which Way: Fresh, Flavorful & Healthy Plant-Based Burgers” by Lucas Volger (2023, The Experiment, $25.95), I got hungry looking at the beautiful and hearty burger.

What also caught my attention was the back cover that says, “Veggie burgers for veggie lovers and curious carnivores alike.”

In his preface the author writes, “I’ve never been very excited about a veggie burger that tastes like meat. My perspective in this book was, and continues to be, that veggie burgers should be creative expressions of vegetables.”

Interestingly, the vegans I know are not interested nor excited about Beyond or Impossible burgers because they, too, aren’t looking for the texture and taste of  meat. On the other hand, there are carnivores that choose to go meatless every so often and replace a meat burger with something that closely replicates it.

Once considered a hippie food … where did the creation begin? As with most food items or dishes, there are a few claims as to its founding. There’s one that was mentioned several times in my research.

It was in London in 1982 when Gregory Sams, a nutritionist, invented the first commercially made veggie burger he called VegeBurger. It was a dry mix packet. Fast-forward several decades, and the humble veggie burger has been elevated.

Volger’s book, with unique, delicious recipes tailored to a variety of diets (over half are vegan and/or gluten free), will excite each palate and suit every craving at this summer’s barbecues. The book is all-encompassing, with chapters on bean and grain burgers; vegetable burgers; tofu, seitan and TVP burgers; burger buns; sides; salads and fries; condiments and toppings. Volger also shares his universally fail-safe cooking methods.

So, move over freezer patties and faux meats and welcome Baked Falafel Burgers (recipe below); Spicy Peanut and Carrot Burgers (recipe below); Quinoa, Red Bean and Walnut Burgers (recipe at  https://bit.ly/3Vipgo4); Sesame Sweet Potato and Cabbage Burgers; Corn Burgers With Sun-Dried Tomatoes and Goat Cheese; Tofu and Chard Burgers; and Tortilla-Crusted Stuffed Portobello Burgers.

Baked Falafel Burgers

Vegan, gluten free

Makes four 4-inch burgers

The headnote says: “In this falafel method, the chickpeas are soaked overnight but not cooked. (If we were deep-frying the burgers rather than baking them, this would be the traditional falafel method.) Store-bought falafel mixes — many of which are wonderful — use ground, unsoaked dried beans, but I find that the soaking makes for a significantly less dense, more tender falafel. The mixture is a bit more delicate than other burgers in this book, but you’ll be amazed at how vibrant the flavors are, how the parsley and lemon shine through. Serve with Cucumber Yogurt Sauce, Tahini Yogurt Sauce or plain tahini along with a squirt of sriracha, as a nod to the street food that fed me throughout my college years. Unfortunately, cooked chickpeas will not work in this recipe; there will be too much liquid and the burgers will fall apart as they cook.”

Ingredients:

1 cup dried chickpeas, rinsed thoroughly

1 onion, roughly chopped

2 garlic cloves

½ cup roughly chopped fresh parsley

Zest of 1 lemon plus juice of ½

1 tablespoon toasted cumin seeds

½ teaspoon baking soda (GF)

¾ teaspoon salt

½ teaspoon freshly ground black pepper

¼ teaspoon cayenne pepper

1 tablespoon chickpea or all-purpose flour, if needed

Olive oil, for greasing

Directions:

Cover the chickpeas with 4 to 5 inches of water in a bowl and let stand for 24 hours. Drain thoroughly. Preheat the oven to 400 degrees.

Combine the chickpeas, onion, garlic, parsley, lemon zest and juice, cumin, baking soda, salt, pepper and cayenne in a food processor. Pulse until coarsely combined. If the mixture is struggling to come together, add a bit of water, but no more than 2 tablespoons. (The burgers will fall apart when cooking if there’s too much liquid.) If water is added, stir in the chickpea flour. Adjust seasonings. Shape into 6 patties, about 1/3 cup each. It will be a fairly wet dough.

Liberally oil a baking sheet. Transfer the patties to the baking sheet and place in the oven. Bake for 15 to 20 minutes, flipping them once halfway through, until golden and firm. Serve warm.

Spicy Peanut and Carrot Burgers. Peanut butter and a few fragrant aromatics serve to amplify and enhance the carrot, making this another one of those veggie burgers that’s all about the vegetables. (Photo by Christina Heaston)

Spicy Peanut and Carrot Burgers

Makes four 6-inch burgers

The headnote says: “This recipe helped me realize that coarsely shredding hardy vegetables, like carrots, is the secret to creating a vegetable-centric veggie burger — it preserves more of a vegetable’s texture than, say, roasting and puréeing it, and moreover it gives an interesting and varied texture to the finished burger. Peanut butter and a few fragrant aromatics serve to amplify and enhance the carrot, making this another one of those veggie burgers that’s all about the vegetables. A natural peanut butter will deliver a clean peanut flavor, whereas a processed one that has added sugar will be kind of cloying here. I love these paired with a zesty cabbage slaw or some shredded cabbage that’s tossed with a bit of salt and lime juice.”

Ingredients:

3 tablespoons olive oil

4 scallions, green and white parts, thinly sliced

3 garlic cloves, minced

1 tablespoon finely grated fresh ginger

1 serrano chile pepper, finely chopped (and seeded, if desired)

4 cups grated carrots (about 8 medium carrots)

1 teaspoon salt

1 teaspoon ground coriander

¾ teaspoon ground turmeric

½ teaspoon ground cinnamon

1 egg

2 tablespoons natural peanut butter

Zest of 1 lime and juice of ½

¼ cup roughly chopped cilantro

½ cup panko or coarse bread crumbs

Directions:

Heat 1 tablespoon of the oil in a large, lidded sauté pan over medium heat. Add the scallions and cook until they just begin to soften, about 2 minutes. Add the garlic, ginger, and chile and stir for 30 seconds, until fragrant. Stir in the carrots, salt, coriander, turmeric, and cinnamon. Cover and cook for 6 to 8 minutes, until the carrots are soft but not mushy.

In a mixing bowl, whisk together the egg, peanut butter, lime zest and juice. Stir in the carrot mixture and the cilantro. Fold in the panko. Let stand for about 10 minutes, so the panko soaks up some of the moisture. Adjust seasonings. Shape into 4 patties, about 1/3 cup each.

To cook, warm a wide skillet over medium heat, then add the remaining oil. Add as many burgers as will fit comfortably without crowding the pan (usually 3 burgers will fit into a 10-inch, and cook until browned and crisped on the bottom, 5 to 7 minutes, then flip and repeat on the other side. The burgers will firm up a bit as they cook, and further once they’re removed from the heat and have cooled slightly. Serve warm.

Watermelon and Citrus Salad. Make this salad when watermelon is at its peak, sugar-sweet and juicy. (Photo by Evi Abeler)

Watermelon and Citrus Salad

Vegan, gluten free

Makes 4 servings

The headnote says: “Make this salad when watermelon is at its peak, sugar-sweet and juicy. I prefer basil to the fresh mint typically used in watermelon salad, but feel free to use mint instead.”

Ingredients:

Vinaigrette:

¼ cup fresh orange juice

Juice of 1 lime

1 tablespoon red or white wine vinegar

Mustard

1 shallot, sliced into rings

¼ teaspoon salt

¼ teaspoon ground white pepper

Directions:

To make the vinaigrette, combine the orange juice, lime juice, vinegar, mustard, shallot, salt and pepper in a small bowl or jar. Let stand for 10 minutes.

Salad:

2 oranges

6 cups watermelon, cut into 1-inch cubes

¾ cup thinly sliced fresh basil

½ cup toasted sliced or slivered almonds

½ cup crumbled feta cheese (optional)

Olive oil, for drizzling

Directions:

Slice off the top and bottom ends of the oranges and place the flat bottom on a cutting board. With a sharp chef ’s knife, cut off the peel in strips all the way around the orange, following the curve of the fruit. Slice the oranges into ¼-inch-thick rounds.

Arrange the watermelon and orange over a platter, then drizzle with the vinaigrette. Just before serving, garnish with the basil, almonds and feta cheese, if using, and drizzle with olive oil.

Recipes from “Veggie Burgers Every Which Way, Second Edition: Fresh, Flavorful, and Healthy Plant-Based Burgers — Plus Toppings, Sides, Buns, and More” by Lukas Volger, 2010, 2023. Reprinted by permission of the publisher, The Experiment. Available everywhere books are sold. Website: theexperimentpublishing.com.

Stephen Fries is professor emeritus and former coordinator of the Hospitality Management Programs at Gateway Community College in New Haven, Conn. He has been a food and culinary travel columnist for the past 16 years and is co-founder of and host of “Worth Tasting,” a culinary walking tour of downtown New Haven. He is a board member of the International Association of Culinary Professionals. Email him at Stephen@stephenfries.com. For more, go to stephenfries.com.

[atlafan]

My Everything - Part Eighteen

A Take it Slow Sequel

What happens with Harry and Y/N after he proposes? How will the two navigate the engaged life while also continuing to juggle their jobs, friends, and families? Let’s find out.

Warnings: fluff, smut, angst. TW: mentions of past abuse!

Words: 9K

a/n: So, the courtroom stuff is literally like an SVU episode, it’s probably not very accurate. I just wrote what I wanted to happen. If you know more about how courtrooms and prosecutions work, I apologize

Masterpost

“Oh, fuck.”

You were trying to stifle your moans. You and Harry were simply spooning early in the morning, when you innocently adjusted against him. He pressed up against you harder and things just sort of escalated from there. He was fucking you from behind while still in the spooning position. His fingers were rubbing circles into your clit and you had your arm hooked around his head so you could tug at his hair.

You got cleared to have sex a couple of weeks ago, but you hadn’t done anything since Anne had stayed with you to help out. You and Harry had agreed on condoms, not that you were using one now. You didn’t care right this second, it just felt so good.

“Y/N.” Harry groans in the back of your neck.

“I’m so close, don’t stop.” You pant.

You arch back into him as you feel your release coming. Once he knows you’ve ridden it out, he pulls out and pushes you fully onto your stomach. You gasp when you feel his come shoot onto your back and ass. You feel him get off the bed. You look over to the bathroom where he’s going into to grab a rag. He comes back to wipe you clean, even between your folds. Harry leans down and kisses your cheek before bringing the rag back to the bathroom. He gets back on the bed and pulls you to his chest.

“That was incredible.” You breathe. You drape and arm and a leg over him and hold him tight.

“Much needed, that’s for sure.”

“We need to buy some condoms.”

“I got some, I just didn’t wanna kill the vibe by stopping to reach for one.” He chuckles and you look up at him.

“You sound like a teenager.” You laugh. “Although, it was nice to just feel you. Maybe I should just suck it up and get an IUD.” You sigh.

“You don’t need to decide right now.” He kisses your hairline. “I’m really glad Jack’s been staying in his bed, it was nice not being interrupted for a change. As much as I like when he comes in to cuddle, don’t get me wrong.”

“You know what he told me last night? I’m a big boy, Mumma, I’m three now.” You giggle. “He’s been three for three weeks, now he thinks he’s so grown.”

“You know what’s cool? He can form, like, real sentences. Like, I can have a real conversation with him now.”

“It’s great. He’s got a nice personality.”

“Well, he should, we both have great personalities.” He scoffs.

You loved this. Harry could have pillow talk with you and not have to leave for work. You were dreading when he’d start half days at the end of the month. You were being spoiled. He stretches out and groans.

“Alright, I’m gonna get up and make sure the pool’s good to go. You wanna get Jack started?”

“No, I wanna stay snuggled up with you.” You bury your head in his chest.

He rolls you both over so you’re pinned down underneath him. It looks like he’s about to say something, but you hear Jessica cry over the baby monitor. You both sigh heavily.

“Okay, let’s start the day.” You say.

You both put swim suits on and do your morning routines before going to check on the kids. Harry slips downstairs to get the pool ready. You go into Jessica’s room first.

“Good morning, angel.” You coo. “I know, you’re hungry. Don’t worry, after I change you I’m gonna get you your bubby.”

“Mumma?” Jack comes into the room, rubbing the sleep from his eyes.

“Good morning, my love.” You get Jessica on the changing table and undress her. “Could you go put on your swim trunks for me? And then I’ll help you get washed up.”

“We’re going swimming?!” He perks up.

“That’s right. Daddy’s getting the pool all cleaned up as we speak. Of course we’ll need to eat breakfast first and make sure we go potty before we go in.” You look at him. “I don’t want another poopy emergency.”

“Okay!”

He runs back into his room to get changed. You get Jessica in a little onesie and make sure to get plenty of sunscreen on her. You strap her to your chest to so you can walk around easier. You find a little bucket hat to put over her head too. You help Jack brush his teeth and get sunscreen on him as well. When you get downstairs, Harry hands you a bubby for Jessica, and gets Jack a bowl of cereal.

“Is the pool all clean, Daddy?”

“You bet! Nice and warm out there today too.”

“Mumma, you’re gonna swim?”

“I’m going to sit in my pool float with the baby for a bit.”

“You never swim.” He pouts.

“Mummy’s don’t like to swim, Jack. The water’s too cold for ‘em.” Harry smirks at you and you glare at him.

“That’s a dumb stereotype. I swim when we go to the beach.”

“When was the last time we even went?”

“No idea…isn’t that sad?” You think for a moment. “Why don’t we go this weekend? We could see what Sarah and Niall are doing.”

“Won’t it be a lot to bring the baby?”

“Not really.” You shrug. “We have one of those little tents, we’ll keep her in the shade. Jack, would you like to go to the beach this weekend?”

“Yes! We can make a sandcastle!”

“That’s right!”

After waiting for Jack to use the bathroom, you all head outside to the pool. Harry goes in with Jack at first and plays with the various pool toys they had gotten. You get onto your float with Jessica and cradle her to your chest.

“Mumma, look! I can swim to the bottom!” You watch as he dives under the water and then shoots back up. “Did you see?!”

“I did, well done!” You smile.

“Daddy, will you throw me up?”

“Yup.”

“Harry, if you splash me, I swear to god…”

“Cover her head then, he makes a pretty big splash, babe.”

Harry picks Jack up and throws him in the air. He tucks his knees in to almost do a cannon ball when he comes back down. He makes a decent splash, but you manage to keep Jessica dry.

“Again, again!”

“Only once more, I don’t want you getting dizzy.” Harry laughs, and throws him in the air again.

Jessica starts crying a little while later so you take her inside to change and feed her. She fell right back asleep once she burped. You set her up in her stroller outside in the shade. You didn’t need to hold onto her every two seconds, after all.

“Mumma, can Buster come in the pool?”

You look down at your dog, and see he’s perfectly content sitting next to the stroller.

“No, honey, he’s a little too big for this kind of pool. He can really only swim at Uncle Niall and Auntie Sarah’s.”

You climb back into the water and dive in. It felt good to really swim again. You come back up and shake your hair out.

“Good thing I bought that chlorine shampoo.” You get the elastic out of your hair and dunk your head again.

“Yeah, we’ll have to scrub those curls out later, huh, Jack?” Harry says to him.  

“No, I hate it!” He pouts.

“That’s a pretty strong word.” You pout back at him. “You could say you don’t like it instead.”

“I don’t like it.” You pick him up and swim him around with you, which makes him smile big. “This is fun, Mumma.” He snuggles close to you. You give his cheek lots of kisses.

“I think it might almost be nap time.” You whisper to Harry and he nods.

Jack falls asleep in your arms and you hand him over to Harry so he can take him out of the pool. You lay a towel down in the shade and make a little outdoor bed for Jack. Harry lays him down and you both smile.

“How cute is that?” He whispers.

“Too cute.” You whisper back. “And look at her, sound asleep.”

“Buster’s pooped too.” Harry chuckles. “Want me to get the grill going for lunch?”

“Great idea. I got us some vegan hot dogs and buns.”

“You’re the best. Do we have any actual hot dogs for him?”

“Mhm, they’re in the fridge.”

You and Harry didn’t feel the need to keep Jack on the same diet as you. When he gets older he can decide on if he wants to eat meat or not. Harry gets the grill going, and Jack wakes up right when everything’s done being made. You sit down with Jessica and feed her while Harry helps Jack with his hot dog.

“Let me burp her, I haven’t held her all day.”

“Alright.” You pass the baby to him.

“Hi, little girl.” He burps her and cradles her in his arms.

“Was that a good hot dog, Jack?” You ask your son.

“Yeah! Daddy’s a good cook.”

“He’s a very good cook.” You wink at Harry. “What about me?”

“I like when you cook too.” He gets up from his seat and crawls into your lap. “I like when you’re home with me, Mumma.”

“Me too, baby.”

“Oi, and what about Daddy?” Harry says, a little offended. “She’s home with you anyways.”

“I like when you’re home too, Daddy!” Jack giggles. “Can we take Buster for walk soon?”

“Sure, go inside and put a shirt and your sneakers on. I’ll help you tie them up.” You reach for your cover up and throw it on. “Come on, Buster.” You whistle at him. “Stay with her, we’ll be back.” You kiss his forehead and hers and, go inside.

After your walk, you return with a surprise.

“Daddy! Mumma let us get ice scream from the ice cream man, here!”

“She did?!” Harry was lounging in a chair, using a scrunchie to keep his hair off his face. Jessica was back in the stroller in the shade. “Thank you very much, Mummy.”

“You’re welcome, Daddy.” You sit down and grab another scrunchie to put Jack’s hair up. “There, now you won’t get your hair all sticky.”

“And I’ll look just like Daddy.” Jack smiles and licks his ice cream pop.

“You didn’t get anything for yourself?” Harry frowns.

“Nah.” You shrug. “Don’t need it.”

“Y/N.”

“It’s fine! I have some low fat treats for myself in the freezer.”

Harry rolls his eyes at you and you start chuckling.

“What?”

“Nothing, just, remember how mad you used to get when I would do that to you?”

“Haven’t you learned by now that everything’s okay when I do it?” He smirks.

“Mumma, can we swim again?”

“You have to wait a little bit. You just had all that ice cream after all.”

“Niall called while you were gone, by the way.”

“Did he?”

“Yeah, wants to know if we can get a sitter tonight to go out to eat with them. There’s a new seafood place they wanna try.”

“Do we need a sitter? Is it not kid friendly?”

“I asked the same thing.” He shrugs.

“I don’t know if I want a sitter with Jessica just yet…as much as I like ours…” You think for a moment. “I could call my mom.” You grab your phone. “I wouldn’t mind an adult night out.” You call your mom. “Hey, mum.”

“Hi honey! How’s the pool treating you?”

“It’s great! How would you like to come use it?”

“What do you mean?”

“Well…Harry and I got invited out to dinner tonight. We thought you might like to come babysit. Or I could drive them out to you, whatever’s easier.”

“You know, I’m actually free tonight, I could come over there for a bit. It’ll be good for you to get out for a while.”

“Awesome! Could you be here around five?”

“Sure thing!”

“Thanks, love you!” You hang up and pick Jack up to look at you. “Guess who’s coming to visit later.”

“Who?”

“Mimi!”

“Yay! I love Mimi.”

You kiss his forehead and hold him close to you.

“Great, I’ll tell Niall we’re in.”

//

“Sex, and a night out! It feels like Christmas.” You giggle as you finish doing your makeup.

“I know! They even said they’d drive. Think they wanna get us drunk.”

He walks into the bathroom to talk with you. You were just getting some lipstick on. You had a beautiful red sundress on along with a sleek high ponytail. You looked gorgeous.

“Jesus, might need to have a quickie before we go.”

“You’re funny.” You smack your lips and boop his nose. “Come on, we need to get back downstairs. Mum probably thinks we’re fucking up here as it is.”

“It was cute watching her help put the kids to bed.”

You both walk downstairs just as Niall and Sarah pull up to the front door.

“Thanks again, mummy, we won’t be out too late.”

“Take your time. I brought my overnight bag, so I’m happy to stay if you kids wanna make it a late one.”

“Thanks!”

Harry hooks an arm around your waist and leads you outside. He opens the door for you and gets in on the other side.

“Hey guys.” You say, leaning to give Sarah and Niall each a kiss on the cheek. Harry does the same. “Thanks for inviting us out.”

“Of course! The school year is officially over! We’re celebrating.” Sarah says. “We’ve been dying to go to this place too.”

“It’s gotten really good reviews.” Niall says. “How are the babies?”

“Good, we had a pool day today. Jack got really excited because I actually swam.” You laugh.

About twenty minutes later, you get to the restaurant. It was nice for a seafood place, you were happy you were sort of dressed up. You’re sat at table for four. The tablecloth was a nice baby blue. Waters and a basket of bread are brought over to you to start with.

“How about a bottle of wine for the table, would that work for everyone?” Niall asks.

“Sure!” You say. “After all, we’re celebrating. Another year down, Sarah.”

“I know! I love this school so much. I started tenure this year too, it’s incredible.”

Niall orders a bottle of red wine for the table while you all look over the menu. Harry was being rather quiet, but he seemed fine. His hand was on your knee, nothing out of the ordinary.

“Harry, what are you thinking?”

“Maybe these broiled scallops? That sounded good.”

“Mm, I might do the same. I can’t remember the last time I had those.”

“Y/N, any news on the trial?” Niall asks.

“Next month…I have to go testify.” You sigh. “There’s so much going on. I guess they have a kid, so if he’s not convicted enough to go to prison, she’s at least fighting for full custody. My testimony along with the other women could help either way.”

“You’re so brave, Y/N…” Sarah says. “I don’t think I’d have the guts to go into a courtroom like that.”

“It won’t be easy, but it’ll be worth it for some justice.”

A waiter comes over with the wine and pours you all a glass. You all order your dishes and clink your glasses together. Harry’s hand was still on your knee.

“So, Harry, you’re home through the end of June?” Sarah asks.

“Through the first week of July, actually. Isaac and Mariah asked if we could close for the fourth.” He shrugs. “I was perfectly fine with it.”

“And everything’s still going well?”

“Yeah, it’s great. Usually businesses struggle within their first five years, but our numbers get better every year. We’re lucky.”

“I think it’s the location too. The convenience of that park across the street must make a difference.” Niall says.

“Plus we sell other things, so people can come in and buy pictures and frames as well. My social media lady helps a lot too.” He looks at you and winks. You kiss him on the cheek, leaving a nice lipstick mark behind.

“We were thinking of going to the beach Saturday, would you guys wanna join?” You ask Sarah and Niall.

“Sure!” Niall says. “That would be Jessica’s first time at the beach, wouldn’t it?”

“Mhm.” You smile. “We haven’t brought Jack in forever either, thought it might be nice.”

“You know what would be cool once they get a little older? Now that Rachel and Mariah have Ricky, and Seth and Isaac have one on the way, we could all, like, rent a vacation house or something and go on a family vacation.” Sarah Says.

“That would be so much fun!”

“We should just do that for your birthday, but without the kids.” Harry smirks.

“Right, because turning thirty-two is sooo exciting.” You scoff. “Besides, I like the idea of all the kids getting to know each other better. Ricky is so cute too, they really lucked out with that adoption.”

“Yeah, I thought Mariah would’ve wanted a baby, but she seems to be doing just as well with a five year old.” Harry says. “She brings him in sometimes when Rachel can’t be home with him. He loves seeing her in action. Plus, he likes playing with Buster.”

“Wait, I like where Harry’s head is at. You birthday is always the perfect excuse to get away for a weekend in the summer.” Niall says.

“I wouldn’t want to leave them for that long.” You say bluntly. “A night here and there is fine, but a long weekend like that…I just don’t see it. I’d want to bring them, and I know that would get annoying for the two of you.”

“No it wouldn’t.” Sarah says. “Just because we didn’t want kids of our own doesn’t mean we don’t love yours unconditionally.”

“But…tonight, you wanted to have dinner without them…”

“Well, yeah. This is a nice place, plus I could just feel that you two needed a break. You’ve been cooped up. It’s officially summer now, and Auntie Sarah is here to help.” She smiles.

//

You and Harry get home at a reasonable time so your mom didn’t need to spend the night. You sigh as you slip your shoes off, and start to get undressed. You catch Harry taking his shirt off and smile.

“Could you help me with my zipper?”

He hums his response and comes over to you.

“You got some color today, babe.” He says to you.

“I know, my summer tan is in full swing.” You chuckle.

You step out of your dress and get the rest of your clothes off before grabbing one of his t-shirts to throw on. He strips down to his boxers and crawls into bed.

“Tonight was fun.” You look at him and roll over to fully face him.

“Yeah, good little date night.” He puts his hand on your hip and trails up to your back to give you a little rub. “You looked so pretty in your dress.”

“Thank you. I feel like I’m slowly becoming myself again. The treadmill in the basement has been great.”

“Babe.” He sighs. “Why do you always do that?”

“Do what?”

“Turn a compliment into something that makes you insecure? I wasn’t even…” He sucks his teeth. “I just said you looked pretty.”

“I know, and I said I feel like my body is going back to normal. You have no idea how hard it is to look in a mirror and barely recognize yourself.” You look down and then meet his eyes again. “I’m not trying to turn this into anything, but I do feel insecure sometimes. You met me when I looked a lot different. I didn’t have as many stretch marks, my skin wasn’t as loose…ugh and it’s so frustrating because I’d do it all over again.” You flop onto your back and cover your eyes with your forearm. Harry moves on top of you to straddle you.

“You would?”

“Yes.” You groan. He moves your arm away so you’ll look at him.

“How many more times?” You feel his length hardening against you.

“As many as we feel like.” You raise your hips slightly to his and he groans. “Within reason, of course.”

“I know you don’t love the changes your body makes, but you’re so sexy when you’re pregnant. Even now, nearly three months after having Jessica, you’re still glowing.” He leans down to kiss you. “I’d put another one in you right now.” He says into your ear and it sends shiver up your spine. “You’d like that wouldn’t you? To be full of me?”

“Harry.” You breathe and grind your hips up towards his again. “I’m not ready yet, but…maybe soon. I don’t wanna wait another two years like we did with Jack, but we just had her and…”

“I was just trying to, um, say something to get you in the mood, babe.”

“Oh.” You start laughing. “Well, I’m in the mood so go put a condom on.”

“Wow, twice in one day, look at us.” He hops off the bed and rummages through the night stand for the foil packet.

“I know, it’s just like the good old days.”

“I’d still fuck you any second I could if we didn’t have two little roommates to worry about.”

You giggle as he slides the condom on. You lift up slightly to take your shirt off. His hand slides between your legs to make sure that you’re wet. He teases you a little before pushing inside you. Your nails dig into his shoulders. It really was a nice treat having sex twice in one day. When you were younger it would happen all the time, but life got in the way.

“Harry, kiss me.” You pant as he thrusts in and out of you.

His lips meet yours and you grab for his hands. He pins them down by the sides of your head as your fingers intertwine. Your tongues mold together and he swallows every one of your moans.

“Feels so fucking good.” He grunts.

“God, fuck, don’t stop.” He was hitting your g-spot in just the right way. You were close already. “Yes, shit, right there.” You gasp as you come undone under him.

He kisses you before pulling out to flip you over. He pulls your hips up to his so he can slide back in. The sound of his moan is heavenly as he fucks you from behind.

“Y/N.” He pants.

You move your ass back against him to move in sync with his thrusts, and that just about does it for him. He spills into the condom and nearly falls on top of you. He kisses the back of your neck before pulling out. You both use the bathroom to clean up and then get back into bed.

“I feel like we either do it a lot or not at all.” He chuckles, pulling you to his chest.

“I know, I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be.”

“But I like having sex with you.” You pout. “I just get so tired.”

“I know, so do I. I like the early morning shags, those are really nice.”

“Mm, yeah, great way to start the day off.” You kiss him one last time before turning over. He turns over with you to hold onto you. It doesn’t take long until you’re both fast asleep.

//

The day you all went to the beach was absolutely perfect, not a cloud in the sky. Niall helped set up an umbrella to give the kids some shade. Jack fusses when you put sunscreen all over his face, but once it’s done, he’s good to go. He grabs the sand toys and gets to work on his castle. Harry has Jessica nestled to his chest, hat covering her head.

“He has a doctor’s appointment Tuesday.” You tell Harry. “Boosters.”

“Okay.”

“You’ll take him, right?”

“We can’t all go together?”

“No, I’m taking Jessica to visit my dad, remember?”

“Oh, right.”

“Y/N, wanna check out the water with me?” Sarah asks.

“Me too!” Jack perks up.

“Alright.”

You stand up and grab one of Jack’s hands, Sarah grabs the other. Harry and Niall watch as the three of you have fun walking into the water.

“I hate when I have to take them to the doctor.”

“Why?” Niall asks him.

“Because…the nurses always flirt with me, it’s annoying.”

“Oh, boo hoo.” Niall rolls his eyes. “They know you’re married.”

“That’s the annoying part. It’s like they think I would actively cheat on my wife. The receptionist slipped me her number last time I had to take him.”

“Are you serious?!”

“Yeah!” Jessica fiddles for a second, but Harry soothes her. “Yeah.” He says quieter.

“Did you tell, Y/N?”

“No.” He sighs. “We both really like Dr. Philips, and Jack likes her too.”

“Did you say anything to the receptionist?”

“I threw the paper she gave me into the trash right in front of her.”

A few moments later the three of you come back up to your spot.

“Jack, I need to reapply your sunscreen.”

“No! I don’t like it.” He whines.

“You’ll like a sunburn even less, now come here.”

“No! I don’t-“

“Jack.” Harry says sternly. Jack looks at his father and pouts.

“But, Daddy.” He whines.

“I like when mum puts sunscreen on me, why don’t you?” You smile as Harry looks at you. You put some sunscreen in your hands and rub it onto Harry’s face. “See?”

“Okay.” Jack sighs.

Jack lets you put more sunscreen on and then he goes back to his sand toys. You grab a bowl and pour some water into it for Buster.

“There you go, sweetheart.” You pat his head and sit down. “Hand her over.” You grab a bubby from the cooler. Harry passes Jessica over to you so you can feed her.

“Wow, Harry, you really shut that down.” Sarah says.

“He does everything I do if he sees her do it to me, we’ve slowly learned. If I wear a bandana, he has to wear one because he knows she likes when my hair is out of my face. That’s how we got him to eat his veggies too. Total copycat.” He smirks.

“Jack, are you getting hungry?” You ask him as you burp Jessica.

“Yeah!”

He runs over to you and climbs into your lap. You sigh when he gets you all sandy. You look over at Harry.

“I’ll, uh, get his lunch out of the cooler.” He says.

“Thanks.”

“Jack, come sit with me.” Sarah says. “Auntie needs some loving.”

He giggles and goes over to her. Harry hands him his sandwich.

“Thank you, Daddy.”

“You’re welcome. Here, honey.” He hands you yours.

“Thank you.” You pucker your lips and he leans down to kiss you.

“Let me hold the baby.” Niall says. You happily hand her over to her uncle.

“Daddy, will you take me swimming?”

“Gotta wait a few minutes after you eat, buddy, but yeah.”

“Think I’m gonna lay out for a bit.” You say and stretch. You lay a towel out and lay on your stomach. “Harry, could you-“

He was already putting sunscreen on you. Jack hops off Sarah and plops down on your bum.

“Oh!”

“Jack.” Harry chuckles. “S’not very nice.” He picks him up off of you. “Let’s go to the loo and then we can go swimming, alright?”

“I’ll come with.” Niall says. He puts Jessica in the shade in her carrier. She was fast asleep. Sarah lays on a towel next to you.

“They certainly keep you both busy, huh?”

“Yeah.” You smile. “But you know me, I like being busy.” You watch them all walk away towards the bathhouse. “You know the other day, we were talking about having another one.”

“Are you serious?! You realize you have an infant right over there.”

“I’m well aware.” You giggle.

“So why would you want to have a third so soon?”

“I’m gonna be thirty-two soon, Sarah. I don’t wanna wait another two years to have another baby. I’m not saying I’m going to get pregnant right now, but soon I think. And then we’ll probably be done.”

“Probably.” She laughs. “You two are wild.”

“He likes it when I’m pregnant.” You grin.

“It does look good on you.” She chuckles. “What do you think the school would say?”

“I’m on the tenure track, they can’t say shit. Also, I’ve been pretty convenient having them both at the end of the spring semester. It’s not like I’ve needed to take extra time off.”

“True. What do you think you’d want to have, another boy or girl?”

“I have no idea, it doesn’t really matter to us. You know what Harry said before Jack was born? He wanted to know the sex of the baby so we could start calling him Jack instead of just Baby Styles, and he said the sex itself didn’t matter because Jack could realize he was supposed to be a girl when he gets older. It was so sweet.”

“God, that’s so progressive. We have some trans students at the prep school. You should see some of the parents that look at these kids when they get dropped off.” She rolls her eyes. “It’s not your kid, don’t worry about it.”

“I’ll never really understand why other people care so much. You are who you are.” You shrug.

Harry and Niall come back with Jack, and take him down to the water.

“That srunchie in his hair is so cute.”

“I know, he loves them too. We have one in every color for him. I’m so glad he has Harry’s hair. It’s beautiful.”

“Did you have to buy a special shampoo for it or anything?”

“Yeah, actually. My mom told me what to get. Never been so thankful that she’s a hairdresser. He loves when she comes over to cut his hair. He likes when she scratches his head.” You laugh.

It was a perfect beach day. Jack knocked out on the car ride home. You were able to give him a quick bath and put him to bed easily. Jessica went right down as well. You and Harry put some comfy clothes on and plop onto the couch with Buster. He throws his arm around you and pulls you in close.

“I like our family.” He says.

“Me too.” You look up at him and kiss him on the cheek.

//

Tuesday morning, Harry drove Jack to the doctor’s office for his physical.

“Where are we going, Daddy?”

“To see Dr. Philips. She’s gonna see how much you’ve grown from last year.”

“How come?”

“Every year, after your birthday, you have to have a physical. It’s just to make sure you’re in tip top shape.”

“You get one too?”

“I sure do. But I go to the grown up doctor for mine.”

Harry gets Jack up to the office. The receptionist is a little too happy to see him.

“Hi, Mr. Styles.” She beams.

“Checkin’ Jack in.”

“Of course…where’s Mrs. Styles today?”

“Out with our daughter, having a visit with Grandpa.”

“Jessica got to see Grandpa?!” Jack nearly bursts into tears.

“Jack, remember if you’re good you get a lollypop afterwards.” He pouts and goes to sit down. “Sorry ‘bout that.” Harry signs whatever forms there are.

“Happens all the time.”

Harry sits with Jack who was now being grumpy.

“You’re really upset, huh?”

“I like going to Grandpa’s.” He huffs.

“Are you really upset because mummy’s there?” Jack looks up at Harry and nods. “Sorry, mate. We’ll make time to go see Grandpa. You can have a whole day with him without your sister, okay?”

“Jack?” Dr. Philips comes out and smiles. “Ready?”

Harry and Jack stand up and follow her back to the room he’d be examined in. She takes his height and weight.

“He’s right where he’s supposed to be Harry.”

Harry hums his response. He lifts Jack up to put him on the bed. Dr. Philips moves his shorts up a tad so she can see his little thighs.

“This is gonna feel cold, Jack.”

“What are you doing?” He asks, big eyes looking up at her.

“I have to give you some shots so you don’t get sick later on. They’re called vaccines. You get a few when you’re a baby, and you get some now. It’s like your flu shot.”

“Does Daddy get them too?”

“Yes, but his own doctor gives them to him.” She looks at Harry, and he nods at Jack.

//

You get home with Jessica later that day. You and your dad went out for breakfast before hanging out at his house for a bit. You walk up the basement stairs with her and head into the living room. Jack was curled up in Harry’s arms.

“You.” Harry glares at you.

“Not exactly the greeting I was expecting.” You smirk. “What’s wrong?”

“Don’t you ever make me do that again.”

“Do what?”

You set Jessica down in the pack and play that was in the living room. Harry gently puts Jack on the couch.

“How come he’s napping with you and not in his bed? How was his physical?” Harry yanks you into the kitchen.

“How was his physical?!” He whisper screams. “Hm, let’s see, I almost strangled Dr. Philips.”

“What?! Why?”

“She gave him three shots!”

“She was supposed to!”

“Yeah, well, you didn’t have to hear him whale out and cry. Then I started crying.” He groans. “I wanted to kill her. He didn’t even want his lollypop after. So, I will not be takin’ anyone for any more shots in the future. That’s all you.” He crosses his arms. You smile slightly. Harry’s accent always got thicker when he was upset, and it was sort of funny.

“You think it would be easier for me?”

“You’re way stronger than I am when it comes to that stuff. He cried for you, by the way.” He huffs and looks away. “This is something mums are supposed to do.”

“How was the rest of it?” You sigh.

“Good. His weight is on track and so is his height. He did great up until the shots.”

“Alright.” You wrap your arms around his neck. “I’ll take them for shots next time.”

“Really?”

“Yes. I did it when he was a baby, and I can tell you I didn’t want to kill the doctor.” You chuckle.

“It was too much.” He leans his forehead against yours.

“Mumma?” Jack comes into the kitchen, baby blanket cuddled to his face, thumb in his mouth.

“Hi, darling.” You let go of Harry and scoop him up. “Daddy told me you were really brave earlier.”

Harry raises an eyebrow at you.

“He did?”

“Mhm, so I think you should have a little treat for being so good. What do you say after dinner tonight we all go out for ice cream?”

“Yeah!” He hugs you close. “I got shots, Mumma.”

“I know, wanna show me your band aids?”

You walk him back out to the couch and sit down with him. Harry picks up Jessica and snuggles her. He sits down next to you.

“Oh, those are nice. She gave you dinosaurs just how you like.”

“How was my baby girl today?” Harry asks.

“Oh, I was fine. We went to a diner for breakfast-“ Harry starts laughing. “What?”

“I meant Jessica.” He smirks.

“She was fine too.” You swallow. “Good snuggles with Grandpa. Jack, would you like to see Grandpa later this week? He wants to come over and swim.”

“Yeah! I love Grandpa.”

“He loves you too.” You kiss the top of his head.

“You make everything better.” Harry says.

“Oh stop it.”

“I mean it. He was a mess earlier, and I was too much of a mess to-“

“He was asleep on you when I got in, you calmed him down plenty. You’re such a good dad, babe.”

“Thanks.” He kisses Jessica’s cheek and it makes her giggle. “We have the cutest kids in the world, I swear to god.”

“We sure do.”

//

You didn’t get to celebrate your thirty-second birthday because you were called to testify in court. Harry had been working half days, and you knew he was stressed and felt guilty for leaving you at home with the kids, so you didn’t let on about how nervous you were about seeing Jake again.

Sarah and Rachel would come over to see you when they could. Jack really liked playing with Ricky. The girls would often ask you how you were feeling about everything coming up, but you didn’t really want to talk about it.

“You don’t have to come to court with me.” You tell Harry the night before.

“Sure I do. I need to make sure you’ll be alright.”

“But you’ve been craving alone time with the kids, and now you’ll have it.”

“Y/N.” Harry sighs as he gets into bed with you. “I’m going, and so is Niall. Sarah said she could babysit. It’s all taken care of. You’re not going there alone, and that’s final.”

“Apparently after my testimony they think the jury will be able to make a decision. The other women have come in already. I’m a little nervous…I haven’t seen him in years….what if I freak out and I can’t say what the lawyer has been prepping me for?”

“That’s why we’re going. You can just look over at Niall and I.” He cups your cheek and you lean into you. “And then our kids are gonna know how brave their mum is.”

“And once that asshole is convicted I’ll be able to finally feel free from all of this. That trauma is always going to be inside me, and I’ve learned to cope, but he….well, it’s his turn to suffer.”

Harry kisses you and pulls you close to his chest. Tomorrow was going to be really difficult, and he’d be damned if he wouldn’t be there for you.

//

You put on your nicest pant suit and did your hair and makeup early the next morning. You’d need to meet your lawyer before the hearing. Harry got Jack and Jessica good to go before Niall dropped Sarah off to watch them.

“But where’s Mumma?” Jack asked when Sarah walked in.

“Mummy…had a work thing this morning. She’s getting her classes together for fall. She’ll be home a little later. You and your sister get to spend the day with Auntie Sarah, isn’t that nice?” Harry explains.

“Where are you going?”

“Uncle Niall and I have some errands to run. Adult stuff, buddy.”

“Yeah, it’s really boring Jack. We’re going to have way more fun.”

Jack shrugs and plops down in front of the TV. It was too early for him to even think about arguing. Sarah gives Harry a quick hug before he goes out to Niall’s car.

“How come Daddy was all dressed up?” Jack asks Sarah as she sits down next to him.

“He and Uncle Niall have to be dressed up for their errands. Daddy looks nice in his suit, doesn’t he?”

“Yeah.” Jack smiles.

//

Harry and Niall don’t say much on the way to the courthouse. They were both sweating, and it wasn’t because it was August and they were wearing suits. Harry wished he could see you before going in, but he knew they had you in a private room.

“I just hope the cross examiner isn’t too awful to her.” Harry says. “I mean, she has a way of winning any argument she’s in, but those people can twist your words all over the place.”

“Your lawyer’s been prepping her, I bet she’ll be okay.” Niall gives him a reassuring smile. The two walk in and grab seats before it gets too busy.

People start shuffling in. Everyone rises when the judge comes in. Harry’s leg wouldn’t stop bouncing when they sat back down. Niall puts his hand on his knee and gives him a squeeze.

“It’s gonna be okay, mate.” He whispers. Harry nods at him and gives him a reassuring smile.

“Your honor, we’d like to call another victim to the stand.”

Your name is announced and you’re brought in through a side door. You don’t dare look around you, you just walk in a straight line. It felt weird swearing in on a Bible, but this was how the court system worked. You sit down in the area next to the judge. She was a female, but that didn’t guarantee she’d be sympathetic. You look out and see your lawyer, and Jake’s ex-wife and her lawyer. Your eyes dart over to Jake and his lawyer. You look out and see Harry and Niall, suddenly feeling grateful they were there.

“Dr. Y/L/N, thank you for joining us today.” The lawyer says to you. “Can you tell us who this man is?” She points over to Jake.

“Jake Robinson.”

“And how do you know him?”

“We dated for about a month back in 2018. We went out four times.”

“And what did these dates consist of?”

“Dinners mostly. We went to the movies once as well.”

“What was Mr. Robinson like on these dates?”

“Nice, for the most part. He seemed like a gentleman, that’s why I continued to see him.”

“Why did you two stop seeing each other?”

“He…assaulted me.” Your eyes meet his. You watch him roll his eyes and shake his head.

“Can you further explain this for the jury? Just so we’re all on the same page on what assault means here.”

“Well, he had driven me home from our dinner date, and he came up to my apartment, just for a night cap. We were talking and then we started kissing.”

“So you willingly invited him up to your place?”

“Yes. At this point I thought I knew him well enough to invite him into my home.”

“Where did it start to go wrong?”

“We started kissing, like a lot of people do. It was the first time we had really kissed outside of one of our cars.” You swallow hard and look over at Harry. He nods encouragingly at you. He wished he could hold your hand through the entire thing. “Anyways, he asked if we could move to the bed. I was living in a studio at the time. I just figured he wanted some room to stretch out.”

“So you said yes to moving to the bed?”

“Yes, but that was all I said yes to.”

“What happened next then?”

You squeeze your hands into fists. Your nails start digging into your palms. You take a deep breath and begin.

“It all happened really fast. He got aggressive all of a sudden. Before I knew it my head was being shoved into the pillow and he had…forced himself inside me. It hurt and I was crying.”

“You didn’t want to have sex with him?”

“No.”

“Did you tell him to stop?”

“No.”

“Why not?”

“I was afraid. If he could flip a switch like that I didn’t know what else he might do to me if I told him to stop or to get off me. It felt like I was paralyzed. I just sort of suffered through it. I didn’t want it.”

“What happened afterwards?”

“He left. He acted like everything was normal. There was a ton of blood on my sheets, and between my legs. I passed out and landed on my floor. When I woke up I put all of my clothes and the sheets into bags.”

“Why did you do this?”

“In case I decided to press charges, I wanted there to be evidence of his DNA or something. I’ve seen enough cop shows to know that’s what you’re supposed to do. I called out of work all week, and barely spoke or ate, or bathed. I was trying to process everything. I ended up seeing a therapist, which I signed a waiver for to free up the documents of our conversations.”

“Yes, we were able to look all of that over, thank you. We were also able to look over the DNA on your things. It was Mr. Robinson’s, just like it had been on the previous women’s things.” She looks at the judge who is making notes. “Did going to therapy help?”

“Yes. I only went a few times, and then took a break. I was suppressing a lot. I went back after a little while because I started having flashes when I started dating my now husband.”

“What are flashes?”

“They’re…like…we’d be doing something and all of a sudden I’d get triggered and get scared like it was Jake on top of me again.”

“Thank you, Dr. Y/L/N. No further questions, your honor.”

Jake’s lawyer stands up to cross examine you.

“Mrs. Styles, -“

“Dr. Y/L/N.” You correct him. Harry and Niall smirk to each other.

“My apologies, Dr. Y/L/N.” He clears his throat. “You mentioned you kept everything as evidence, but you didn’t press charges until a few months ago, why is that?”

“A friend had driven me to the police station about six different times. At the time, I just wanted it all to go away, and a court case terrified me. I was scared of seeing him face to face again. I also hadn’t told many people yet, and I was afraid of a lot of things. I had just turned twenty-three, I was young and didn’t really know how to properly handle things. If I could go back, believe me, I would have gone right to the police.”

“Maybe you didn’t go before because you knew Mr. Robinson didn’t actually assault you. It was just something you made up.”

“No, it was assault, rape, actually. He raped me. I didn’t consent to having sex with him. He didn’t ask me if I wanted to, he didn’t ask me if I was alright, he didn’t even check to see if I was enjoying it.”

“Maybe he just thought you liked it rough.”

“How would he have deduced that from the few dates we had been on? Like I said, he didn’t ask me if I wanted to or if I was enjoying it. He forced himself on me. I’ve consensual sex before, that wasn’t it.”

“You’re married, correct?”

“I am.”

“So every time you have sex with your partner, you both ask to make sure it’s what you want?”

“Yes.”

“Really?”

“Yes. We always check in and make sure it’s something we both want in that moment. Every partner I’ve ever had, actually. Even if it was just a hook up back when I was in college, I was always asked if I wanted to, and when I said no, that was respected. I would give that same respect and courtesy back to them as well.” You take a sip of water from the bottle they put out for you. “Are you saying you don’t check in with your partner when you’re getting intimate?”

“No further questions, your honor.”

“Dr. Y/L/N, you’re free to go. Thank you.” She says to you.

You stand up and you’re lead out of the room. The judge announces there will be a brief recess to allow the jury some time to think everything over. Harry and Niall go out in the hallway to meet you and your lawyer. You tear up when you see them, and you run into Harry’s arms. He holds you close to his chest. His eyes were watery as well. Niall rubs your back as you breathe in Harry’s cologne for comfort.

“You did so well, love.” He whispers to you. “I’m so proud of you.” You look up at him and smile.

“Thank you.” You let go of him and hug Niall as well, briefly. “I’m glad you’re both here.”

“You really shut that other lawyer up when you flipped the script on him.” Niall says. “Well done.”

“Do you want to stay, or do you want to leave?” Harry asks.

“No, I wanna hear what the jury has to say. Even if they don’t believe me or the other women, they at least have to agree she should have full custody of their kid.”

The court is called back into session an hour or so later. Everyone rises when the judge comes back in.

“I want to thank the jury for their months of service on this case. I know hearing all of these stories has not been easy. I would also like to thank the brave women who have come forward in support of Mrs. Robinson.” She looks at Jake and then to the jury. “Has the jury reached a verdict?”

“Yes, your honor.” A woman stands up. “We find Mr. Jacob Robinson guilty on all counts of rape, including predatory.”

You gasp, but try to keep your composure. Jake’s parents and some of his family were also in the courtroom. You thought they should be ashamed raising someone like that, but you’d keep your thoughts to yourself.

“Mr. Robinson, you showed very little remorse during these last few months. I haven’t been very impressed.” The judge says. “We had three very brave women forward to make sure you wouldn’t hurt anyone else, and you easily could have. There could be others and we may never know. I sentence you to twenty years in prison, no parole. Mrs. Robinson will be granted full custody of the child. No visitation rights granted.” She pounds the gavel. “Court dismissed.” She stands up and exits.

You watch as Jake’s ex-wife hugs her lawyer and then who you presume is her family. You hadn’t even noticed that you had started crying. You stand up and throw your arms around Harry and Niall. It was over, it was finally over. The three of you walk out of the courthouse. There were news vans and reports out there waiting to take statements, as there often were with cases like this.

“Dr. Y/L/N?” You turn around to see Jake’s ex-wife. “We haven’t formally met, I’m Jane.” She shakes your hand. “I just wanted to say thank you, and that I’m so very sorry. I remember you, sort of, from years ago. We bumped into you at the ice rink in the city. You ran out after you saw him.”

“I remember.”

“I almost broke up with him that night, but he convinced me there was nothing to worry about. I was young then too, I didn’t realize he was manipulating me. Thanks to you, and the other women, I can go back to my daughter and tell her she’ll be safe from now on. We’ve been divorced for a couple of years, but he just wouldn’t leave us alone.”

“I’m sorry you had to be put through all of that. If I had-“

“Don’t. The other women all said the same thing. It’s hard, when there’s a history of people not believing women, or the fact that your life could have been destroyed by going through this process…it makes you so tired you don’t even want to try. I understand completely.” She looks over at Harry and Niall as well. “Can I ask you two something?”

“Anything.” Harry says while Niall nods.

“Did you ever see him again? Rough him up a little? The weekend of our wedding he had to wear makeup because he had gotten into some bar fight at his bachelor party.”

“Yeah, that was us…mostly me.” Harry says.

“Another red flag I ignored.” She scoffs. “Well, I just came over to thank you.” She gives your hand a squeeze. “I hope you’re able to live a little more peacefully now.”

“Thanks, same to you.” You smile as she walks away. “Okay, I’m ready to go home. It’s too fucking out to be wearing all these clothes, and I miss my babies.”

//

The three of you get back to your house and walk in through the front door. No one was inside, Sarah must have the kids out back for some pool time. You go upstairs to go put your suit on. Niall drives home to change. Harry goes upstairs as well. Once you’re both changed you head outside. Buster barks excitedly when he sees the two of you.

“Mumma!” Jack yelps as he swims over to the ladder. It nearly makes Sarah flip out of her pool float.

“Jack, don’t run!” Sarah yells as she gets out of the pool. Jessica was snug in the shade in her stroller.

“Hi my sweet baby.” You scoop Jack up and hold him close to you.

“How were your fancy errands, Daddy?” Jack asks, looking at his now dressed down father.

“Good.” He jostles his hair.

“How’d it go?” Sarah asks, giving you a side hug.

“He’s going away, for a long time.”

“That’s amazing!”

“Who’s going away?” Jack asks.

“No one you ever need to worry about.” You kiss his cheek and set him down. You snatch one of the water guns on the ground and his eyes grow wide with excitement. “Wanna play?”

Jack grabs another loaded water gun and the two of you start running around the yard spraying each other.

“She did amazing. Really kept it together.”

“I’ll bet.” Sarah says. Niall comes into the backyard and wraps his arms around Sarah from behind.

“Have fun with the kiddos?”

“Mhm.” She turns to kiss his cheek. “You two got lucky with such easy babies. She’s just as good as Jack was when he was that small.”

“Yeah, they’re pretty cool.”

Harry grabs another water gun and joins in on the fun with you and Jack.

“Oh no!” You squeal. “Let’s join forces, Jack!” You both try to get Harry, but you run out of water.

Harry grins at the two of you, and soaks you with the gun. Jack squeals and runs over to Sarah and Niall. Harry gets his hands on you and lifts you.

“Harry, please!” You laugh hysterically as he lifts you higher and throws you into the pool. You emerge, and splash at him.

“Just thought you could cool off, babe.”

“Mhm, yeah.”

“Do it to me, Daddy!” Jack comes running back over so Harry can lift him up. Harry tosses him into the pool so you can catch him. Harry comes into the pool as well to keep having fun.

“They’re a cute little family.” Niall kisses Sarah’s cheek.

“Yeah, they are.” She sighs happily. “I like our little family too, though.”

“Oh, me too. Wouldn’t change a thing with yeh.”

[transmalewife]

Just wanna say you're absolutely right about the GF food. It dictates ALL of my grocery list, not just bread. You can't even technically get oats that are 100% gluten-free, even the ones that have that claim have the potential to still have a small effect on you. Plus there's wheat. In. Everything. Rice Crispies? Wheat! Soup? Wheat! Hot dogs? Wheat! BACON? WHEAT! It's changed my entire life having to be soooo careful of what I eat :( every alternative is expensive and there's rarely if ever any financial help, even with social assistances. Even at the foodbank I have to pass up on a lot offered there. No one knows how hard it is but us

i can't even have the clean wheat free oats even though im not like deadly allergic just intolerant, bc i'm specifically sensitive to gliadin (not glutenin) which is also preasent in oats and millet. it reframed 'healthy food' so drastically for me, too. like if me and a non allergic friend walk into a store and need a quick meal, the healthiest thing for them is probably gonna be a sandwich, the least healthy potato chips, while the exact oposite is true for me.

Actually i just read up on it and gliadin is apparently the most common cause of gluten allergies, so it's beyond me why oats and millet are considered safe just bc the gliadin doesnt form gluten in them. i know from experience i cant eat them. And while im happy that my country has any premade gluten free alternatives at all these days, bc there used to be none and i ate more rice crackers in my teens than any human should have to in their lifetime, half of them are made with wheat starch which is not well regulated and can still be harmful to people with allergies, but still costs over 10 times more than normal bread. I know i'm very unlikely to find a job that allows me to support myself with the food i need or leave me time to cook it from scratch, and the alternative is eating things that kill me slowly, making my symptoms bad enough to prevent me from working at all.

And corn is barely more expensive than wheat wholesale in my country (cheaper than wheat in the us). same with potatoes, the cheapest source of starch we have. there is literally no reason for gf bread to be that much more expensive, even accounting for a more difficult production process, other than extorting disabled people who have no alternative to turn to. I know gluten free becoming a fad diet is what popularised these produts at all and im thankful for it, but pricing gf food as if its only bought by fancy rich vegans on a new trend is just... evil. And it also causes people to assume im doing this because of a trend as if i wouldn't sacrifice my fristborn to be able to eat pizza without spending the rest of the day on the toilet and in pain.

[chicgeekgirl89]

Country Roads, Take Me Home: Chap. 2

Fandom: NCIS LA

Characters: Marty Deeks, Kensi Blye

A/N: I'm telling you right now, this story may have gone completely off the rails. It's been a weird summer and...I honestly don't quite know what happened. This is your warning!

Read Chapter 1 Here

                                        XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

They were up bright and early the next morning to take Monty to doggy daycare where Roberta would pick him up at the end of the day. Then they hit the road for Yosemite. So far, things were going exactly according to plan. Until they inevitably got stuck in LA traffic.

“Remember last night when I asked you about snacks? You brought some right? Because I don’t know how long I can last without snacks,” Kensi said after about forty minutes.

Deeks looked at her sideways. “Did I buy snacks? Do you think I don’t know you after all this time? Check the fridge.”

She unbuckled her seatbelt and walked halfway back to the little kitchenette. Opening the fridge her eyes went wide in delight. “You got me Reese’s?”

“Of course I got you Reese’s. I wanted this to be fun, not the road trip from hell.”

She rejoined him, plopping happily back into her seat and giving him a peck on the cheek. “This is already off to a better start than all our other vacations.”

“I told you.”

“So why Yosemite? There lots of other parks in California.”

“Well first of all, Yosemite Sam. Second of all I was looking at the out of state parks and mapping our trip. The only one kind of on the way out is Yosemite. Well, and Death Valley, but I thought we should probably avoid any place that advertises killing off visitors.”

Kensi nodded, biting into a Reese’s. “Good point.”

He looked at her. “Are you going to share those?”

“I thought you bought them for me,” she said around a mouthful of chocolate.

“I did, but as your loving, devoted husband who is taking you on the vacation of a lifetime, who buys you snacks and cleans your house and saves your beautiful, beautiful ass multiple times a week, you could share one.”

She glared at him and withdrew one candy from the bag, putting it directly into his hand. “Thank you,” he said, keeping his eyes on the road as he unwrapped it.

“What is all this traffic?” she asked, trying to peer down the freeway. 

“Rush hour,” Deeks said, moving them forward another two feet.

“It’s not usually this bad at this time.” She craned her neck, pushing up out of her seat. “I think someone has a flat tire.”

Sure enough up ahead there was a much older and smaller RV half on/half off the shoulder. “We should see if they need help,” Kensi said.

“Babe we’re off duty. They look fine.”

She gave him a look and he sighed, flipping on the blinker to maneuver them onto the shoulder behind the stopped vehicle. They hopped out and walked toward an older couple evaluating a very flat tire. “Hey you need some help?” Kensi called over the noise of the traffic.

“Oh bless me, yes, thank you!” A woman who looked to be about Roberta’s age waved at them. “My Bill here could use some assistance.”

“What’s the problem?” Deeks asked.

The man, Bill apparently, stood and rubbed his hands together. “Carol and I were just driving along and we musta run over something. Tire’s flat as a pancake and those lug nuts are so tight it’s like they’re cemented on.”

“Young man if you could give him a hand we would appreciate it,” Carol said. 

Deeks shook his head and gestured to Kensi. “Sugarbear, this one’s all yours.”

“Oh,” Carol seemed startled. “I don’t think—“

Kensi reached for the tire iron and within seconds had loosened one of the nuts. Both Bill and Carol raised their eyebrows. “Well I’ll be darned,” Bill said in amazement.

“Somebody’s been eating their wheaties!” Carol said. 

Kensi smiled as she worked the second lug nut. “My dad had a lot of tricks.”

“I’m Marty,” Deeks said, holding out a hand. “This is my wife Kensi.”

“Bill and Carol Weekes,” Bill said. “That’s quite a lady you’ve got there.”

Deeks smiled. “She certainly is.”

“Babe, can you get the spare?” Kensi called.

“On it!” Deeks looked to Bill.

“I think it’s in the back,” he said. “Come on in.”

Deeks followed Bill inside the RV and was immediately assaulted. “Ah! What the—?”

“Oh, sorry!” Bill said. “Kujo! Chewbarka! Tank! Twinkie! Patrick Dempsey get off him!”

In a rush of fur and wagging tails, five dogs raced back to Bill, leaving Deeks covered in slobber and dog hair. “They’re tame, just likely to lick you to death,” Bill said with a chuckle.

“Uh yeah,” Deeks said, wiping his hands on his pants. “Ouch!” He jumped as teeth sank into his ankle.

“Patrick Dempsey!” Bill yelled again, swatting the little dachshund away. “I shoulda said they’ll all lick you to death except PD. He’s vicious.”

“Right.” Deeks rubbed the sore spot. “The tire?”

“Oh yeah!” Bill popped open a hatch and hauled out a donut. “There we go.”

“Great.” Deeks grabbed it from him. “Let’s take this to Kensi and she’ll have you out of here in no time.”

He received a final nip from Patrick Dempsey on the way out the door, then handed the tire over to Kensi. Together they had it on within minutes. “Oh my goodness, how can we ever thank you?” Carol said as Kensi tightened the final bolt.

“No need,” Kensi said. “We’re happy to help.”

“Well that’s not acceptable,” Carol said bustling off into the RV.

“Aw my Carol. She’s not going to let you leave empty handed,” Bill said, elbowing Deeks with a grin.

Sure enough Carol was back seconds later, a tinfoil wrapped plate in her hand. “Here,” she said. “These are some of my world famous chocolate chip cookies. Made with real butter and eggs, none of that vegan stuff all you west coasters are so fond of.”

Deeks had to bite back a laugh as he took the plate. “Thank you. You two be safe now all right?” He said.

“Will do!” They waved cheerily as they headed back inside and started the RV up.

“Well they were…” Kensi couldn’t seem to find the words.

“Yep,” Deeks said. “And you didn’t even get a bite from Patrick Dempsey.”

She raised her eyebrows. “What?”

Deeks shook his head. “Don’t worry about it. Come on. Adventure awaits in…approximately five hours depending on traffic.”

It was a lot more like seven hours by the time they finally trundled into the park. Deeks picked up a parking tag for the RV and a map to their campsite. “Oh thank god,” Kensi said as they pulled into their spot. “I need to get out of this thing.”

“You do realize we’re going to spend most of this trip inside the RV,” Deeks said. “That’s why I got the nice one.”

“And it is so nice baby, but breathing the same air as you for this many hours is…too much.”

“I think you’re hangry. Let’s get a little fire going and we can have some hot dogs, a couple s’mores and you’ll feel better,” Deeks said.

“You know the way directly to my heart,” she said, giving him a peck on the cheek.

It was quick and easy to get a campfire burning and soon they were cuddled up next to one another in a blanket, making s’mores. Kensi had just whispered something very dirty in Deeks’ ear and he was on the verge of grabbing her and taking the party indoors when a very loud, rundown RV pulled into the spot directly next to them. “Well that’s not really what we came here for,” Deeks grumbled as the RV backfired and let out a huge explosion of exhaust before giving a wheezing cough as it turned off.

“Um, Deeks?” Kensi said. “Is that—“

The RV’s door opened and a dachshund ran out, barking like mad, and lunging for Deeks’ leg. “Whoa!” he yelled, dropping his s’more and leaping out of his seat.

“Patrick Dempsey! You get back here right now!” A woman bellowed, charging out the door after him.

“Carol?” Kensi asked as she pulled the dog off Deeks’ leg.

“Well hey there fellow travelers!” Bill said, smiling broadly as he descended the steps. “What a coincidence!”

“Coincidence or nightmare?” Deeks muttered, rubbing his calf.

“It is a coincidence,” Kensi said, elbowing Deeks to shut him up. “I don’t remember you saying this was on your schedule.”

“Well we got to talking as we drove and Kensi, you made this sound like such a fun idea we decided to hop on over,” Carol said.

“Really sold it to ‘em huh Kens?” Deeks asked under his breath.

She elbowed him again. “Well don’t let us interrupt your fun,” Carol said. “You two lovebirds looked so cozy when we drove up. We’ll just keep to ourselves over here.”

“And don’t worry about making too much noise! You know, if things start to heat up later.” Bill winked at them. “Carol and I are very sound sleepers. Won’t hear a thing.”

“Perfect,” Deeks said weakly. “We’ll keep that in mind.”

“Well I guess we’ll turn in,” Bill told them. “Been a long day. You kids have fun!”

Patrick Dempsey gave a final yip as Carol scooped him up and they went back inside. 

“So…do we turn around and go home now?” Kensi asked.

“No,” Deeks said firmly as he put out the fire. “This is going to be a normal vacation. We’re going to see lots of pretty rocks, eat road food, and have lots of sex. NORMAL.”

She rolled her eyes but smiled. “I’m not sure we’re capable of normal.”

“Yes we are,” he insisted, grabbing her hand. “Come on.”

He pulled her inside and the door had barely closed before he was kissing her, hands fumbling with the buttons on her shirt. “Deeks!” Kensi laughed, then gasped as he nipped at that one, particular spot on her neck. “Deeks, what are you doing?”

“Well we gave this thing a test drive. We tried out the refrigerator, the wifi, the satellite. And now, I think we need to test out the bed,” he said with a grin, swinging her up into his arms and carrying her to the back of the RV where he tossed her onto the mattress.

He whipped off his belt with a dramatic flair and then dove on top of her, pressing kisses to her face, neck, wherever he could find as she laughed. “I think you’re still a little overdressed here,” she said, tugging at his t-shirt. 

“Well that’s easily fixed.” Deeks sat up fast to take the shirt off and whacked his head on the ceiling. 

“Ooh!” Kensi sat up, reaching to cradle his face while he closed his eyes in pain. “Oh my god, are you all right?”

“Ow. Yep. That smarts.” He rubbed the top of his head. “I feel like that’s a pretty major design flaw.”

“Well maybe they didn’t intend for people to have wild and crazy sex in here,” she said, trying to stifle her laughter.

“No problem,” Deeks said with a grimace, clearly trying to ignore his throbbing skull. “We’ll just switch tactics.”

He leaned down toward her again and was immediately interrupted by the loudest, most frantic barking either one of them had ever heard. “You have got to be kidding me,” he said dropping his head onto Kensi’s chest.

She ruffled his hair and pressed a kiss to the injured spot. “They’ll stop in a second.”

Sure enough they waited a moment and the barking ceased. “Okay then, back to business,” Deeks said with a grin, leaning over once more.

The barking started again. And then again. And then….again. Deeks groaned and rolled onto his back so they were side by side. 

“This is unbelievable,” Kensi said breathless and annoyed.

“So much for a normal vacation.”

                                   XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

A/N: Sometimes people ask if I base my stories on real life so, fun fact, for eleven years my family had a mini dachshund named Willy. He was a demon beast from hell. Seriously. Patrick Dempsey is based on him. His name is Patrick Dempsey because I think it's hilarious when animals have extremely human names. Anyway, hope you enjoyed! More shenanigans to come!

[undercoverduggarblog]

beige, cream, porcelain

ok here we go!!

beige: have any pets? what're their names?

i have two that live with my parents! a toy/mini poodle named brownie and a schnauzer/yorkie named riker!

cream: any piercings or tattoos? do you want any?

ive had my ears pierced twice, and the second was meant to be in the same spot as the first holes (lmao anyone remember my american girl horror stories?). ive let them close up and i don’t intend on reopening them because i just don’t like wearing earrings

i have three tattoos, three dog prints for the three dogs i’ve had in my life, “i love you” in my mom’s handwriting, and a bee because i’m auntie bee to my nephews. when i have the spare money i want to combine that bee with a valentine i have from my grandpa who died three years ago. i’m ready to drop a couple hundred on it to have a consulting appointment before so i can make sure it’s perfect. i’d love to get some flowers someday too and some sort of matching tattoo with my husband!

porcelain: an tv show you used to love

i used to be soooo obsessed with ncis. tony/ziva forever. i was so upset after ziva left i haven’t watched it since!!

blue: preferred type of weather?

the weather right now is soooo close to what i love, i just want it to warm up a bit more. i like to have a light jacket or sweater on and be able to spend the day outside without being too hot or freezing

brass: least favorite food condiment

maybe relish? ive grown a bit on mustard, but just to cook with and combine with other things. i still wouldn’t put it directly on a hot dog

fawn: any interesting family stories?

i simply cannot think of any if you don’t already know my family lmao

gold: do you wear your socks mismatched?

yes! it drives my husband crazy. i don’t like wearing socks that aren’t the same type though- i would never do a short sock with a long sock

honey: your thoughts on magic- does it exist?

ive said before that if i wasn’t raised christian i would probably be like pagan or some shit. i love the idea of magic and witchery and potions but i also feel like ill get smited if i say it’s real lmao

green: do you have a favourite flower?

i don’t think i do! i saw some tulips today and those were really pretty. i like roses and daisies too. i like any flower that’s pretty and colorful!

magenta: do you keep your fingernails long or short?

short. i don’t keep them as short as possible but i hate the idea of my nails being bent so i keep them fairly short

aqua: do you thrift?

i definitely donate to thrift stores, but i’m not a big shopper. i’m plus size, so there’s not really clothes for me there, but on occasions when i’ve had to buy furniture i do try and see if my local places have something!

black: would you ever try going vegetarian or vegan?

all love and respect to vegetarians and vegans (my husband is a vegetarian, i’m an ally) but i’m simply too picky and don’t like enough vegetables and love steak too much to do it

maroon: do you care for clothing brands?

not really. like i said, i’m not a big shopper. i do like and support bravissimo though! ive loved everything i’ve ever bought from them

claret: do you play an instrument? do you want to learn to play any?

no :( i wish i could play the piano

ebony: would you ever want to play a game on television? (jeopardy, family fued, etc)

i have no interest in being on tv! but my husband would kill it on name that tune

erin: what was/is your best school subject?

i guess theatre? ive always liked history but i was never academically good at it

fulvous: another name you think would suit you

i was supposed to be named elizabeth and every day i curse my brother for preventing it

jade: ever written fanfiction?

lmaoooo yes and there’s not a lot that i keep private on here but my ff.net account will forever be a secret

umber: do you brush your teeth before you eat?

i don’t want everything i eat to taste like mint but no

rose quartz: rings or necklaces

i guess rings? i don’t wear necklaces anymore and i really only wear my wedding rings

mauve: any unpopular opinions?

utica should win season 13 of drag race

wine: do you have a 'type'

i had a breakdown like a month ago realizing that maxwell sheffield had a severe influence on the type of man i’m attracted to. and for girls i love all curvy brunettes with a big smile (thank you harriet the spy)

[petegoestotown]

i was tagged by the little ray of sunshine, love and rock’n roll @sastrugie!  rules: answer 10 questions, tag 10 people and make another 10 questions.

⭐️My Questions⭐️

1. Favourite album? I really don’t know, this is so difficult, i’ll go with sentimental value and that’s Gorillaz - Humanz

2. Who were you in a past life? i’ll let you know once i found out!

3. Airdrumming or airguitar? despite playing guitar i always find myself airdrumming!!

4. Where would you travel in time if you could? back to 2003 and to meet my dog again. also America in the 1940′s, i’d pretend to be a european heiress and try to mingle with the Hollywood stars and run after Gregory Peck. My wishes are quite egoistic tho so i probably should throw “assassinate Hitler” in with everything else. 

5. Do you play a sport? Which? i still want to take up archery but i’m too skint and lazy. and badminton.

6. What weird food combinations do you enjoy? I generally like the mix of sweet and savoury but i don’t think i enjoy any really weird combos... sorry i’m boring xD i like (orange) marmalade tho and get lots of stick for that.

7. Do you think aliens exist? probably, maybe not currently..maybe before our time..or...

8. Who’s your favourite stand up comedian? it’s been a while but i liked James Acaster

9. What movie or book do you know the most quotes from? my memory is so bad and it’s getting worse since i take migraine medication but let’s see movie: Tank Girl and Before Sunrise book - definitely The Picture of Dorian Gray for me as well!

10. How old were you when you had your first celebrity crush and who was it? I really liked McGyver, isn’t that embarrassing, but i just thought he was cool and i was really young like 7ish. I think the first real crush was Jake Gyllenhall when i was around 20. aaaw, Jake........*le sigh*

my questions ~

1. what would you put into your own created salad?  ooh i love that question soo much! okay i came up with a salad i love but people will probably not be fond of: field salad, peanuts, chickpeas, avocado, cocktail tomatoes, hot salsa sauce and feta (optional). it’s good, trust me!

2. what would your call your garage band? The Bat Decisions 

3. which planet has the prettiest name in your opinion (in our solar system)? Earth. Neptune second. edit: now i am saying näääptuuune for the past half hour, thanks. xD

4. night mode or day mode on your phone? night mode!! I am so prone to headaches the orange light it soothing

5. what was your fav childhood series? it was called “als die tiere den wald verließen” in german. looking back, i blame it for my depression... it’s such a sad and depressing story! i think it’s similar to watership down but dont quote me on it....!! 6. what was the worst book you ever read voluntary? Irvine Welsh’s Glue. I like the movies but as a book his material really isnt working for me. i felt uncomfortable and returned it to the store.... bought an NME magazine and ice cream instead.

7. if you could only ever eat fish or meat, what would you choose? (if youre a vegetarian:high five) i’m a vegetarian who is vegan most of the days

8. if someone gave you a DVD with all the times people talked about you behind your back, would you watch it? of course!  i’d love to hear that.

9. pen or pencil?  pen

10. whos your fav tumblr blogs? send them a nice message! @sastrugie @rememberedkisses @flasknarsfostervatten @ars-historia-est @calebwidogastcore @mermaidenmystic @crimsonkismet @thecostumevaultblog my world would have less colour without all of you! love your blogs! <3 my questions: 1. did a book or movie change your life or majorly shifted your views on a topic? 2. you’re allowed to dress in the style of one youth culture only for the rest of your life, which one do you choose? 3. what type of gifts do you love to receive? 4. do you know your MBTI type? 5. would you like to have dinner with a time Traveller from the future or with your favourite author? 6. would you run your country for a year? 7. which piece of art would you like to own? 8. do you have pet peeves? 9. which fictional character is a lot like you? 10. a quote you’d like to share: @sastrugie sorry i took me so long to do this, i enjoyed it a lot - finally had enough caffeine and free time! you’re the best don’t stop tagging me! i tag the usual people @rememberedkisses @flasknarsfostervatten @ars-historia-est @calebwidogastcore aaaaaaaaaand everyone else who wants to participate! GO!

[prisonrose]

Update: The Chips™️

I’m in the middle of a really amusing drabble but I realized suddenly that I failed to update you guys on the situation from yesterday. Feel free to skip this post if OOC stuff ain’t your cuppa but if you read no further, read this:

Pringles®️ Wendy's®️ Baconator®️ chips are LEGITIMATELY THE MOST DISGUSTING CHIPS I’VE EVER HAD IN MY ENTIRE LIFE. DO NOT BUY THEM. THEY MIGHT KILL YOU. IF YOU SEE THEM BEING STOCKED ON YOUR SHELVES, RUN, AND IF YOU FIND YOURSELF CORNED BY A HORDE OF THEM, SET THE ALPHA CHIP ON FIRE AND QUICKLY MAKE YOUR DARING ESCAPE AS THEY FIGHT FOR DOMINANCE. THIS IS NOT A GAME.

I should preface this that when I purchased the Devil Chips, at first I was feeling a thrill of excitement, but that soon turned to one of imminent dread. I had no way of knowing how bad it would be, but some tiny voice in my head was trying to warn me about the coming tribulations. I’m sure of it. Even though I was excited to try them, I placed them aside for hours after I bought them, too nervous to open it up.

Finally, I got brave. The people deserve to know, I told myself. I took off the plastic lid and broke the freshness seal, and. My god the SMELL. It smelled like sour cream that had been left in the hot, afternoon sun for a few hours. I laughed, unable to believe the mess my presumptuous nature had landed me in. The sort of nervous laughter one gets when signing their own death warrant. 

But I was still feeling cautiously optimistic. “Who knows!” I told myself. “Maybe it’s like one of those fancy cheeses that smells awful but apparently taste great, you know? I took the first chip out and like... I really can’t emphasize how strong the STANK from just one of these monsters was, and I’m a person with a TERRIBLE sense of smell. But, looking at it, it looked... normal? Like a moderately seasoned Pringle®️.

And then I ate it. 

You do not know true anguish until you’ve had a Pringles®️ Wendy's®️ Baconator®️ chip. I am only slightly exaggerating when I say tasting one of these abominations to God is only a step removed from losing your loving parents / caregivers in a tragic plane crash. 

It tastes like industrial runoff. I did not taste any bacon. I DID taste what might be pretending to be the apparent “artificially flavored” pretend-burger flavor. Only it tasted more like what you might scrape off a grill instead of something actually resembling meat.

Because I apparently enjoy punishment, I had another one, and this one was even worse than the first. I hadn’t tasted the rancid dairy flavor the first time. I did this time. It mingled with the flavor of burnt rubber on pavement and coated the back of my throat with vile oily secretions. I am not kidding when I said I genuinely struggled to get this one down without gagging, or worse.

But even then -- even NOW, my torment is not over. To rid myself of the vile taste and soothe my enraged tummy, I chugged some store brand ginger ale, and it provided instant relief. But then I burped. And it had me reliving the taste and the stench all over again. I fear this is a mistake that will likely be living with me until I wake up for work tomorrow.

In short. Do not buy Pringles®️ Wendy's®️ Baconator®️ chips. This is an idea that sounds good -- promising, even -- on paper. I mean, we get Bacon Bits to taste so good, and it’s fucking vegan, so of course we can make a chip taste like a sandwich, right??? We have the technology.

DO NOT LET YOUR CURIOSITY DECEIVE YOU. IT IS A TRAP. YOU WOULD BE BETTER OFF SUCKING IN THE FUMES OF A PARTICULARLY POTENT DOG FART THAN EATING AND SPENDING ACTUAL REAL WORLD MONEY ON THIS MARKETING ABORTION. 

IT IS SIN INCARNATE. THIS IS GOD’S JUDGEMENT COME TO CLEANSE US OFF THE SURFACE OF THE EARTH. THE APOCALYPSE IS HERE AND ITS NAME IS PRINGLES®️ WENDY’S®️ BACONATOR®️!!!!!

... Okay, it’s a fucking chip. But it still did literally almost make me throw up so SERIOUSLY do not buy it, I’m fucking serious.

0/10 stars. If negative scores were possible, I’d give it that instead.

[dreamin-vegan]

WELCOME TO VEGANISM!!

So you've probably read my last post, and hopefully you finished the documentaries i directed you to. If you have you're probably wondering now "well what can i do about this?" good news i have things you can do!! If you do still have meat in your house and someone who's willing to take it, give them the list i showed you, and let them learn too, then take the meat you bought and  either toss it or give it to someone in your house that still eats meat. Now i know thats not the best option, as you still have the meat that you bought, or the dairy, or even honey, which we'll get into honey and all of that in a later post, but now we'll cover what you can do as far food if you have beans, rice, lettuce, veggies, or fruit, in your house right now thats a great start!!! but you'll need food for later on, so what should you do? go to your local grocery store and look for fruit or veggies you enjoy for snacking on, hummus, gardein "meat" and beyond meat, because we're vegan we still have taste (lol)  and then get some just egg, or if your store doesnt have that they might have follow your heart eggs, Both of which are great!! theres so much vegan junk food, because even though we dont contrubite to the abuse and torture of animals anymore we still want to treat our selves, and good news guys, we can still have oreos, spicy sweet chili doritos, and yes even takis, but thats a personal preference to either eat it or not, (NOTE NOT ALL TAKIS ARE VEGAN) now for milk, yogurt and creamer?? "what can i do about that?" you may be thinking and silk almond milk brand has all of the above, my personal favorite being the chocolate almond milk, and there are so many options most of which are in the produce area, aside from the obvious, fruits and veggies, there's tempah, tofu, hot dogs (and yes you read that right vegan hot dogs) and vegan bacon of the same brand (i havent tried that bacon so i have no knowledge on how good that one is) but also smoothies are great i love having smoothies, also putting fruit or berries in the yogurt is so good too.

Yes i know this post was rambles and it probably is hard to gather so i'll put in a small list for you for reference

PRODUCE

spinach

iceberg

cucumbers

bell peppers

*any veggies you like*

apples

black berries

raspberries

strawberries

blueberries

pineapple

tofu

tempah

broccoli

cauliflower

greenbeans

snappeas

hot dogs (lightlife brand)

bacon (lightlife brand)

FREEZER SECTION

gardien

(whichever one you feel like tonight)

beyond beef crumbles

beyond meat burgers

beyond meat sausages

frozen berries

frozen fruit

DAIRY SECTION (yes these are in that dairy section)

almond milk

yogurt (same brand as the milk)

kite hill sour cream and french onion dip

coffee creamer

DRY/CANNED GROCERY

rice

taco shells

taco seasoning

beans

canned fruit

fruit cups

thats all i can think of off my head as i write this but don't worry this list works i promise

and if you're not sure how to make these things or what to make with these things https://amzn.to/2SUTax9 this is a cook book for you guys to learn or get ideas to cook your new food on your new life style

[chimaeracabra]

I woke up feeling much trimmer. I lifted Tuesday-yesterday this week and for the past few days I have really upped my protein, in the form of lentils, Beyond Burgers, vegan hot dogs, and peanut butter. I am hitting roughly 115g of protein a day. Yesterday I got 125g! I think that’s all I need to get more toned. I have been feeling that my butt is the only place I have seen great improvement, because I really try and get my butt workouts in with my ankle weights. But since for months I haven’t been doing a whole lot of weights for the rest of my body, I feel like I’ve lost tone on my arms and back. I remember a year or two ago, my arms getting much more toned when I started to consistently lift. That’s nice, but I think that I should be well able to lift much heavier by now.

Definitely, protein is where I wasn’t making enough progress. I was getting roughly the recommended intake per day (56g), but you need to hit 1.2-2.0 g of protein per kilogram of body weight if you want to increase muscle mass. Something I already knew; I’m in grad school for nutrition and metabolism, so duh! But I just wasn’t doing more protein. I have thought about doing a protein powder but I’m kinda scared that I would spend $30 bucks on a vegan one and then hate the taste and thus not be able to use it. 

I should keep lifting and consciously track my protein so I can get the tone I want. I like being fit. I just feel happier. I remember always being sad when I was little because I thought I would be fat forever. It makes me so sad that anybody ever feels that way. Movement and the right foods are the cure.

Not going to lie, it gets to be a struggle when I am in PMS and wanting barbecue chips, but last night after the gym and after I ate my high protein plant meal, I was wanting these potato chips my mom bought, but instead I ate a small bowl of brown rice and this vegan chili she got from Trader Joe’s. The chili is 15g of protein per half cup!

I really like that my Fitbit app allows me to track what I eat. And I have a simple food scale so that I can get a relatively accurate measure of the volume I’m eating. For lentils, it's a great way to estimate exactly how much protein I’m having. I had half a cup of lentils last night, which is about 18g of protein. I could have eaten a full cup for 36g. That’s a really decent amount. It’s so easy to get a ton of protein from plants if you just measure the right serving of some sort of bean and nut. You simply have to eat a greater volume of food than you would be if you were eating animal protein. But I am hungry a lot, especially on days that I run, so I’m not worried about the volume I should be eating.

[icannotreadcursive]

Avengers PSAs: On the COVID-19 Pandemic 5: Food!

Clint was leaning back against the kitchen island in purple argyle pajama pants and a black T-shirt.

“Hey,” he said, making the salute-like ASL sign for hello as he did. “Clint Barton, AKA Hawkeye or 'that random guy with the bow an arrow who hangs out with the Avengers' here to talk about grocery shopping and cooking during these quaran-times.”

He grinned at his own pun, then continued, signing to the camera to follow him. He pushed off from the island and walked over to the pantry and the two large refrigerators that flanked it. “Whether you're ordering your groceries for delivery or suiting up in your mask and gloves to brave the stores, you need to shop according to what kind of storage you have and you preferences as far as what you'll actually cook and what you'll actually enjoy eating.

“Now what I mean by shopping according to your storage is things like, if you have a lot of freezer space—maybe you have a freezer chest in the garage because you hunt, or you have a minifridge leftover from college that you can set cold enough to use as a freezer—then stocking up on frozen food is a good idea. If you don't have a lot of freezer space, then you can't stock up as much on frozen food and need to focus more on shelf-stable things like dry good and canned goods.

“The point is to be able to have enough food in your home that you can make three meals a day for your whole household for at least a week without having to go shopping and without things going bad before you can eat them. That kind of big stock-up grocery run gets expensive fast, and a lot of people aren't working right now or have their hours cut, so it can be hard to afford the kind of stocking up we all need to be doing. To help mitigate that and make things easier for others in your community, if you can afford to buy the more expensive versions of some foods, do so. Leave the less expensive options on the shelves for the people who can't afford anything else.”

He moved farther into the pantry and he segued subjects a little. “If you're not much of a cook or if you're particularly busy right now—working in essential industries, working from home, trying to homeschool your kids, whatever—then you need to focus more on prefab food, stuff you can just shove in the oven or the microwave or stick on the stove for a minute and be done. If you do like to cook or you've decided your quarantine activity is gonna be learning to cook and you have more time, then you should focus more on getting ingredients for cooking from scratch. Everyone should have a mix of both, though, and there are certain stables everyone oughta have on hand.”

He grabbed a box off a shelf, tossed it over his shoulder, caught it as he turned around, and held it out for the camera to see. “Noodles. You want noodles. It doesn't really matter what noodles. Dry pasta is great because it's extremely shelf stable, it keeps forever. I've eaten pasta that was a year past the date on the box and it was fine.

“I know a lot of stores are running low on boxed pasta, so maybe now's the time to try that lentil based pasta you've been eyeing suspiciously for a while, or get some tiny pasta like orzo, stelini, or even couscous that you usually avoid because they're not really noodles.” He put the box of pasta back on the shelf. “You can even make your own pasta if you really want to or you're really desperate. But if you have noodles—or pasta, same difference—you have a meal. Cook a whole batch to eat with sauce for spaghetti night, then save the leftover noodles, fry them up in a pan with some butter, scrambled eggs, and cheese tomorrow for lunch.

“On that note, you want eggs unless you're allergic—or vegan, I guess—and you want your dairy staples: butter, cheese, and milk. Butter and cheese both keep a long time in the fridge, especially hard dry cheeses, but milk is iffier. You canfreeze milk to make it last longer, just shake it up real good when you thaw it out, but you can also get UHT milk—ultra high temperature—that's been heat-treated so you don't have to refrigerate it at all until it's opened so you can keep it on the counter or in the pantry.” He looked around a little. “I don't think we have any UHT milk for me to show you or I would. Stark's bankrolling us, as usually, and we're doing what I mentioned earlier about buying the more expensive stuff if you can afford it, and, well, Tony can afford anything, so we've been getting direct delivery from a local dairy farm once a week—it's in glass bottles, Steve and Buck are thrilled, it's cute. Anyway, another thing you can do is buy a gallon of milk, buy some powdered milk, once you've used half of that gallon, mix up half a gallon worth of that powdered milk with cold water, add it to the half gallon you had left. Boom, whole gallon of milk again, and I promise it's not weird and watery seeming like if you just reconstitute powdered milk by itself. It's good.

“You also want rice, shelf-stable protein like canned tuna, or these funky little packets,” he held up a pouch of lemon-pepper flavored tuna, “stuff to snack on like crackers and whatever you like on crackers, and bread—which is something else you can make yourself, seriously buy some flour and get your bake on, kneading bread is a great way to work out your frustrations.” He smacked a large bag of flour, caught it as it threatened to fall off the shelf, resettled it, and flashed a thumbs up.

It cut back to Clint in the kitchen, sitting at the island now. “For the sake of your own sanity, it's also important to make it where feeding yourself isn't just a chore and you actually enjoy your food. There's a lot of little things you can do that will help with that a lot even if you're not up to much more than throwing some ramen in the microwave.”

A package of Yaki Soba slid quickly across the counter right past Clint—a slivery blur flashed behind him, kicking up a breeze that ruffled his hair, and Pietro caught the package before is skidded right off the end of the island. “Sorry,” Pietro grinned sheepishly as he handed the Yaki Soba to Clint, “my bad.”

“I knew I should have asked your sister,” Clint teased. He rolled his eyes as Pietro ducked back out of frame, then held up the Yaki Soba for the camera. “If you're gonna have one of these, take two seconds before you make it, dig through your fridge, add a little soy sauce or teriyaki sauce to the water before you cook it, give it some flavor. Toss some shredded carrots, coleslaw mix, or even canned chicken in there. Make this stuff be real food instead of I'm-trying-to-feed-myself-in-my-dormroom sadness with minimal effort.”

He tossed the Yaki Soba out of frame, presumably to Pietro, and a plushy hotdog got tossed back to him. He caught it easily. “Hot dogs are great, easy and fast to fry up in a pan, but kinda meh on their own, so have some potato chips or shove fries or tater tots in the oven. Make some chili and have chili dogs.

“Speaking of chili….” He tossed the plushy back and a jar of Prego pasta sauce slid to him—it stopped a little short and he leaned forward to grab it. “We should have practiced this. Anyway. Jarred pasta sauce is totally fine, but you can use it as a spring board for excellent homemade sauce. Brown some ground meat in the bottom of a pot, put some onion through a food processor, cook it in a big pan, add some garlic, process some more veggies, any veggies, add them and some wine to the onions, once that's cooked down, add it all in with the meat, pour in some store bought sauce, feast like a god. I'm not even kidding, Thor loves this stuff, I made a whole vat of it last week. It's easier to do in bulk and it freezes well.  Andyou can split some off, add beans and spices, make yourself some damn good chili. I'll post a recipe with actual measurements and stuff.”

He slid the jar of sauce back and caught a box of dry noodle soup mix that had been thrown directly at his face. “Make this stuff with more noodles—if your extra noodles take more than 5 minutes to cook, put them in the water first, then add the soup mix when ther's five minutes to go. When it's almost done cooking, like a minute left, pour in a scrampled egg or three. You've got egg drop soup, white people style.”

He tossed the soup box back and Pietro threw a pack of premade pizza crusts to him like a frisbee. Clint fumbled it a little but didn't drop it. “Make your own pizza! You can get these flatbread rounds to use as crust, or you can make your own dough—if you have a bread machine, it will make the dough for you. Then, put whatever you want on your pizza. You can go traditional with red sauce, cheese, and pepperoni, or you can get feta, pre-cooked grilled chicken, olives and artichoke hearts—Tony likes that.” He gestured off camera. “The wonder twins over here like carrots on their pizza; I'm not gonna question it. Natasha made herself a bacon mac'n'cheese pizza for breakfast today.”

He flung the pizza rounds away and, judging by the thwap sound, no one caught them. “Just, think about your food. Have fun, experiment, sing while you cook, plan before you go shopping, don't feel like you have to settle for spaghetti-o's and cereal just because you're stuck at home. And, hey, tell me what you're cooking, what you like on pizza. Stay home, stay safe, stay well fed. From me, and Pietro, and the rest of the Avengers—thank you.”

He signed thank you as well and waved before the video went black.

[systemicnumiet]

Topics: Slugger, NaNoWrimo, mental health, food, daily life Let’s see if tumblr flags this! Obviously, we should respect the privacy of a pooping slug enough to not take photos.. As my defense, I was very excited about how much of a good long champ they were, so I didn’t even notice the poops. Fun fact! All slugs are “they“! (or they don’t have one binary gender, I suck at explaining this for some reason..) And I feel a connection to this friend in other ways too. Like, how many times we are both a blob (and kinda slimy?), are very touch aversive, and like to chomp on leafy greens. Good pal. In NaNoWriMo news: Yesterday went pretty good for me! Got well over personal goal (of yesterday) of 1800 words, with a whomping 2077! Wee~ *Celebratory noises* Haven’t written anything yet today (besides this), but will try to get to it soon. NaNoWriMo sprints - account on Twitter has been a tremendous help, and so have been some random people of the internets. It’s such a good community that we have <3 Today my writing goal is 1800 words, again. But I’ll try my best to be very happy with any number of new words written.. Trying to come to terms with the fact that on some moments and some days, for me, even ten words written down about how I feel can be a big victory. If someone actually reads this, and wants to do wordsprints or something together, hit me up :)) You can send a message here or something, and my handle is emiechan on twitter. Oh, and a bit more on mental health (DID/OSDD probably, and other): I’m feeling kinda stable right now, which is strange. Been very switchy the past few days (and weeks?), and yesterday should have been very heavy for me/us, for multiple reasons (and maybe it was?). But we didn’t even have nightmares apparently, and no bodily bad sensations right now - which is very rare. In most situations we have some sort of a pain, like, it’s just a constant and normal thing for me/us so this is very nice but also strange. Hmm yes. I’m trying to be thankful and enjoy while it lasts! Food stuffs: Ate a bit of cheesy toasts, and have coffee in a big handmade mug that we bought a few years back in a Medieval Fair. Maybe one day I’ll buy something more from the same artisan. Such an interesting person, with a background in physics and a burning passion for pottery. Oh and the cheese we used is Violife Cheddar Block, if anyone is interested in trying a really nice vegan cheddar (excellent also on burgers! Not sponsored :D ) I’ll also eat a banana soon because bananas are good. And in the evening we’ll have hot dogs and pecan pie and crisps/chips and and and yay! Oooh it became a big post :o well then. It felt good to write down, and maybe someone enjoys reading it so yes, it good. Thanks. Keep on rocking/writing/dancing/growing <3 Much love <3 ~ Numi & Helmia / blob (they, them + she, adult)

[bougiebutbalanced]

An Apology & Cease-Fire

I try hard to love myself. It’s something that I actively practice everyday. Now before pass judgement, roll your eyes and think “its easy to love yourself when you look like that” I’m gonna stop you right there.  This isn’t how I’ve always looked. And certainly not how I always felt. I’ve battled the demons in my mind and mirror for as long as I can remember. 

I grew up in a time when everyone wore extra low rise jeans and tiny tops that displayed their belly rings. Xtina was dirrty, Paris Hilton was hot, 00 was the ideal size and the resident It Girl informed us that nothing tasted as good being skinny felt. 

But.... I wasn't built to wear 00 jeans. While my peers struggled to find jeans that were small enough around their waste yet long enough to cover their ankles, I fit comfortably into a size 6. I had an hourglass figure for as long as I could remember. But since I’m not Latina and those only person who it was acceptable to have curves was JLo, I began to develop some insecurities about myself. 

From the time I was about 12 I began every morning on the scale. Not my idea, non-optional, and overseen by my mom -one of my main demons disguised as a guardian angel. 3 little numbers would dictate whether I would climb into the shower and danced (150-151lbs) or cried (152lbs): for reference I was about 5’7-5’8. Thus began my war against my body. And I lost every battle. 

Growing up, I became aware that every group of friend had a fat friend --And when the DUFF book/movie eventually came out I began to think maybe I wasn't alone-- I had originally noticed this because that friend was always me. I had a habit of scanning whatever room I was in and mentally sorting the girls from best body to fattest. And being excited when I wasn’t in last. Albeit i was usually second to last. 

I began to binge. However the only eating disorders that existed were anorexia and bulimia- there was no such thing as a disorder where you ate copious amounts of junk food without the purge part (which for me came later). I was consumed with shame and guilt

The root of my shame and guilt stemmed from my mom. She has a my way is the best way attitude. With everything in life. She has an opinion on everything and if you don’t respond with “wow best idea ever how would I live without you” she gets upset. Those are her own insecurities, but they manifest in unhealthy ways towards me. Having a mom who judged everything I ate created constant shame and guilt around food. But when I wanted to do some kind of diet, she was supportive until it was inconvenient for her. Like if we were going out for dinner or if she was having people over then I should “just have a little.”  Or that time everyone was going vegetarian so I tried too and she made ribs and tacos and other things I loved trying to “break” me. Thanks mom 

This also led to my distain for exercising. Actually, just my distain for running. I hate running. Always have. It hurts and it’s boring and I’ve never been great at it. But my mom became a runner in her 20s and therefore it’s the only way to get healthy. I would’ve preferred spin classes or to try Pilates and I love swimmning but she didn't like those things and therefore in her mind they were inferior to the almighty option for weight loss: Running. Not cardio in general, just running.  

Then, in my early 20′s I got sick. I had a flare up of PCOS (super common auto immune and if you have it go to a naturopath and follow the diet- you’ll feel sooo much better I promise) I gained weight uncontrollably. But I also binged uncontrollably so I’m sure that contributed. I was also dangerously anemic which caused major depression. However I’m going to skip over most that time because it was a long and painful process of recovery. 

Before I lost all energy to do anything all I knew was that I was gaining weight and so I lived on celery and hummus and went to the gym twice a day.  I also tried to push thru my exhaustion, resting in my mom's eyes in lazy and therefore unacceptable, in her eyes you couldn't possibly heal if you were just laying on the couch, you should be up and moving. A prime example of this is when I got home from Australia, I’d drive the 20min in from our house to her office and I’d be so tired I’d have a headache from keeping my eyes open. But she told me it was jet lag just go to the gym and work it off... it was mono. We found out after it got really bad. I’d helped to unload 200 bails of hay and that night my glands swoll up to golf balls. The next day I was diagnosed and the dr said no impact sports or heavy lifting or my spleen could burst, it was pure luck that I was okay after lifting those bails.

Anyway, I was in my early 20s and now the Kardashians curves were envied and Kate Upton was the epitome of gorgeous, times had changed...but so had I. I was at my sickest, and my heaviest (260lbs) looking back at my high school pictures and wondering why I thought I was fat. If I could just get back to that weight, I’d be so happy. Yet, I’d cry when I saw memes about having a fast metabolism in high school because I never had one. So the war raged on, I hated how I didn’t look like I did in high school, yet I hated that I was skinny in high school....and I never saw the link.

Eventually I healed, and  went on a diet (its called Ideal Protein and its Keto). I did this diet 3 times. The first I went back down to 180. Then went off it, and gained back up to about 220. Then I went back on it and dropped to 195, went off and gained back to 210...then slowly over the next year I gained back up to 220. And then I tried to be bulimic. Turns out I like the feeling of throwing up (ya    that might be weird) so I’d binge and binge and then throw everything up. I’d go shopping and try things on and when they didn't fit, I’d swear to myself that I’d “commit” to being bulimic, and do it twice a day. But it didn't help me lose weight, it just slowed down the gain. 

The third time and final time I did the Ideal Protein I was in a different (and much better) place mentally thanks to the therapist I was seeing at the time. I dropped to 165, and when I went off it I went vegan. I bought my own groceries and even though I live with my parents they work out of town so I’m mostly on my own for meals too. Sometimes I go through phases where I eat unhealthy and I go up in weight and then I go through phases where I eat very healthy, i.e: vegan (not preaching for everyone to be vegan but I’ve found that it works well for me personally) gained up to 175 and then lost (on my own). I’m currently in one of those going up phases and whatever. It started when I went to Bali and enjoyed myself, then I was unemployed and stressed so not a great reaction (I sprained my ankle in Bali so no dynamic exercise and even a lot of yoga poses I couldn't do) and now I’m on vacation for Xmas. I don’t enjoy what my body looks like right now but I’m trying not to care. I know when I go home I’ll choose healthy foods again. When my ankle heals I’ll go back to dynamic execrsices and when I get a new job I’ll begin going to barre classes because they’re my fave. 

Most importantly, I recently realized that I had been so wrong. I thought because I’d tried starving my body or tried throwing up everything that wasn't healthy for me, but that didn’t help me to lose weight so I thought I’d lost that battle. I tried to exercise everyday and often I’d push till I couldnt go on, but I didn't see any progress so that didn't work for me and I’d lost that battle too. For reference, the first time I did Ideal Protein I went from 260lbs - 180lbs and even though my jeans were smaller I couldn't see a difference in my reflection....so body dysmorphia was at play. I lost the battle when I tried to be healthy so I’d binge and binge and go months without any form of exercise. And it didn't matter. Because when I was losing weight (minus this last time), or when I was eating chocolate and pizza in the dark, I hated myself. I hated that I had to wear clothes that were “flattering” (I word I despise because in my moms world thats a compliment) instead of clothes that were trendy. And every time I’d see my reflection or a picture of me I’d feel like I’d lost or failed. But I was wrong. But I was wrong in thinking I was the loser in this war.  Because I controlled the shots and my body was the one that had to adapt to the restriction or the overload. It was the one that shrunk and grew in response to my actions that were all done out of anger, frustration, and hate so even when my body was getting exercise or nourishment it was always starved of love. 

So this decade. And those that come after it. It will be loved. There’s no wagons to fall off of or tracks to get back on. They’re all phases. Like seasons of the year or phases of the moon, some are darker than others but all are necessary for life and all have their good and bad characteristics. I love that I sometimes  allow myself to indulge (such as my current choices). But I also love that I choose to supply nourishment and movement to my body. I love myself enough to supply my vessel with nourishment. Now I move my body in ways that feel good i.e. low impact(yoga, barre, walks with my dog). And I also recognize that sometimes its better that I don’t move at all. Such as, it’s better to take 1-2 days of nothing but Netflix and delivery in order to recharge then to push through stress and exhaustion and struggle through before I eventually burn out, where I spend 2-3 WEEKS watching Netflix and getting delivery but hating myself while doing so and feeling like a failure. 

I’m so sorry to my that it went so long without love and validation. I promise to fill the rest of them with compassion and fun and understanding. Here’s to end of 2019 and good start to 2020; the end of a decade, but the start of an age (yes that’s a TSwift lyric) 

Love Me <3 

[intricately-silly]

Get to Know Me Tag

I was tagged by @thesimparrot

Ok. So this was sitting in my drafts waiting for the picture for about three years, and I didn’t want to NOT post it. So here it is, very very very late. It did give me a reason to update my simself though. 

Thank you for tagging me friend! <3 <3 <3 Also, omg that’s so many questions... Who is really going to want to know all this about me?

Rules: Post a pic of your simself with your traits and answer the questions!

Traits:  goofball + perfectionist + loner

Honestly, how am I supposed to only pick three traits? I’m a complicated individual. I’m intricately silly. Anyway... 

1. What is your full name? Skye. That’s all you get. 

2. What is your nickname? Well actually, Skye is technically my nickname...

3. When is your birthday? August 8th.

4. What is your favorite book series? Hmm... I don’t know. I tend to like individual books rather than series. Although I read the Hunger Games series a while back and I liked that one. 

5. Do you believe in aliens or ghosts? I mean, there’s nothing to disprove it. But I wouldn’t say I fully believe in them either. 

6. Who is your favorite author? I don’t really have one. 

7. What is your favorite radio station? I really like a station on Pandora called Summer Hits of the 90′s.

8. What is your favorite flavor of anything? It depends on what it is. 

9. What word do you often use to describe something great or wonderful? Amazing. I think it’s the only word I use. I should expand my “something great” vocabulary. 

10. What is your favorite song currently? Love Somebody by Maroon 5. It’s been my favorite since it came out and it still is.  

11. What is your favorite word? Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious.

12. What is the last song you listened to? Otherside by Red Hot Chili Peppers. 

13. What TV show would you recommend everyone to watch? White Collar I guess. 

14. What is your favorite movie to watch when you’re feeling down? I tend to listen to music when I’m feeling down. But Rush Hour. Or Shrek. 

15. Do you play video games? Nope, not at all... Such a silly question.

16. What is your biggest fear? I have a lot of fears. I have anxiety, so it comes with the territory. But I guess it would be being shut out from everyone and being alone. 

17. What is your best quality in your opinion? I’m a very accepting person. 

18. What is your worst quality in your opinion? Oof. Well...

19. Do you like cats or dogs better? Dogs. I’ve always loved dogs. Cats are great too though.

20. What is your favorite season? Autumn. The colors, the cute clothes, the ability to hide under three blankets. 

21. Are you in a relationship? Yep. For a year and a half now. 

22. What is something you miss from your childhood? Insouciance.

23. Who is your best friend? Rori, my six month old puppy. 

24. What is your eye color? Blue.

25. What is your hair color? Dark, dark brown. 

26. Who is someone you love? Family, friends, animals. So many.

27. Who is someone you trust? Trust is a hard thing for me. So only those very close to me. 

28. Who is someone you think about often? My boyfriend.

29. Are you currently excited about something? I dunno. Am I?

30. What is your biggest obsession? Anything made by Apple. It’s such a beautiful company.

31. What was your favorite TV show as a child? When I was two, Dora. I would sit and watch it, purposely giving the wrong answers to her questions. When I got asked why, my answer was “she’s just going to do the right thing anyway.”

32. Who of the opposite gender can you tell anything to? My boyfriend. 

33. Are you superstitious? Kinda sometimes. 

34. Do you have an unusual phobias? I have a fear of ladders. Not heights, ladders. 

35. Do you prefer to be in front of the camera or behind it? Definitely behind.

36. What is your favorite hobby? Video games is the only constant one, all my other hobbies constantly change. 

37. What is the last book you read? It was online and I can’t remember the name to be honest. 

38. What was the last movie you watched? Aquaman.

39. What musical instruments do you play? I played the clarinet when I was younger. Then I played the guitar. Now I’m trying to teach myself to play piano. I’ve always loved the piano. 

40. What is your favorite animal? All of them. But lions and tigers are gorgeous animals. 

41. What are your top five favorite Tumblr blogs? You think I can narrow it down to five?

42. What super power do you wish you had? Teleportation. 

43. When and where do you feel most at peace? When my dog is cuddling with me.

44. What makes you smile? When my puppy is playing.

45. What sports do you play? I played softball when I was younger. 

46. What is your favorite drink? I don’t know. Shirley Temples. Ginger Ale with Lemonade is really good too. 

47. When was the last time you wrote a handwritten letter or note to someone? I can’t remember. So a while ago.

48. Are you afraid of heights? No.

49. What is your biggest pet peeve? I have a lot. But my biggest I think would be people who walk in front of you so slowly that you trip over your own feet. 

50. Have you ever been to a concert? Yep. Maroon 5 was the last one. I hope to go to more too.

51. Are you vegetarian or vegan? No.

52. When you were little what did you want to be when you grew up? A veterinarian.

53. What fictional world would you like to live in? The world from Avatar. That’d be cool. 

54. What is something you worry about? Anything and everything. 

55. Are you scared of the dark? Depends on my mood.

56. Do you like to sing? Yes, I just wish I could say I was good at it.

57. Have you ever skipped school? No. 

58. What is your favorite place on the planet? My bed.

59. Where would you like to live? Not where I’m living now. I’m so over this town. It’s pretty clean and safe though, so I appreciate that aspect of it. 

60. Do you have any pets? Two cats and a puppy. Oh, and five chickens. 

61. Are you an early bird or a night owl? Night owl. I want to be an early bird, but I’m naturally more awake at night.

62. Do you like sunrise or sunsets better? Sunsets because you can see the stars after! <3

63. Do you know how to drive? I do.

64. Do you prefer earbuds or headphones? Earbuds. Although headphones sound better. 

65. Have you ever had braces? Yes.

66. What is your favorite genre of music? I tend to like specific songs instead of genres. But I really like 90′s music. 

67. Who is your hero? I have no idea.

68. Do you read comic books? No.

69. What makes you the most angry? So many things. I’m a little hotheaded. But mainly when people are illogical. 

70. Do you prefer to read real books or on an electric device? Real books!

71. What is your favorite subject in school? It was always math.

72. Do you have any siblings? Two. A brother and a sister. 

73. What was the last thing you bought? Coffee...

74. How tall are you? 5′ 5″

75. Can you cook? Psh. Not really. But I’m trying to learn.

76. What are three things that you love? Playing games, watching movies with my boyfriend, and training my dog. 

77. What are three things that you hate? It changes daily.

78. Do you have more female friends or more male friends? Female.

79. What is your sexual orientation? Bisexual.

80. Where do you currently live? Neverland. 

81. Who was the last person you texted? My boyfriend. 

82. When was the last time you cried? I think it was a week ago.

83. Who is your favorite youtuber? I haven’t had the time to watch YouTube lately. So I don’t know. 

84. Do you like to take selfies? Not in the slightest. The closest thing I’ll do to taking a selfie is make an edit of my simself. 

85. What is your favorite app? Netflix.

86. What is your relationship with your parent(s) like? I’ve always been close with my parents. I’ve always been really close with my siblings too.

87. What is your favorite foreign accent? British.

88. What is a place that you’ve never been to but want to visit? All of Europe. But specifically Paris.

89. What is your favorite number? Five. Always has been.

90. Can you juggle? For three seconds. 

91. Are you religious? I am.

92. Do you find outer space or the deep ocean to be more interesting? They’re both so interesting though! Outer space is so pretty and very interesting. But we know absolutely nothing about our oceans. It does peak my curiosity. 

93. Do you consider yourself to be a daredevil? Every once in a while.

94. Are you allergic to anything? Pollen. Grass. Dust. Spring is like death. 

95. Can you curl your tongue? No, and everyone else I know can and they all tease me about it. Meanies. 

96. Can you wiggle your ears? No... I can’t do anything cool OK? 

97. How often do you admit that you were wrong about something? When it’s clear that I’m wrong, then I’ll admit it. 

98. Do you prefer the forest or the beach? I love them both. Oooh! A forest near the beach so I can be by the trees but still hear the ocean.

99. What is your favorite piece of advice that anyone has ever given you? "Breathe.”

100. Are you a good liar? I am an awful liar. Like awful awful. I don’t lie, but sometimes I’ll do white lies playfully with my boyfriend and he’ll just laugh because I’m so bad at it.  

101. What is your Hogwarts house? Hufflepuff.

102. Do you talk to yourself? I used to. Now I just talk to my dog.

103. Are you an introvert or an extrovert? An introvert who loves talking and meeting new people. But at the end of the day, I have to be alone to refill my energy.  

104. Do you keep a journal or a diary? Nope. 

105. Do you believe in second chances? I guess it technically depends. But we’re all human and we all make mistakes. It’s unfair to not give more than one chance. Unless it’s PURPOSELY harming someone else. That’s not ok. No second chances with that. 

106. If you found a wallet full of money on the ground, what would you do? I would take it to the nearest business. Hopefully the person comes looking. 

107. Do you believe that people are capable of change? With most things. If they really wanted to. 

108. Are you ticklish? Yeah...

109. Have you ever been on a plane? I have.

110. Do you have any piercings? I have my standard lobe piercings. Then on my right ear I have a forward helix and upper lobe piercing. On my left I have a helix piercing. And my nose is pierced. 

111. What fictional character do you wish was real? Donkey from Shrek.

112. Do you have any tattoos? Yes, just one.

113. What is the best decision that you have made so far? Rescuing my dog, she means the world to me.

114. Do you believe in karma? Yeah, I think so.

115. Do you wear glasses or contacts? I wore glasses when I was younger, but I don’t need to wear them anymore. My eyes magically improved, I don’t know.

116. Do you want children? I’ve always wanted two.

117. Who is the smartest person you know? I know a lot of smart people.

118. What is your most embarrassing memory? This one time...

119. Have you ever pulled an all nighter? Probably too often. Then I got my puppy, and I haven’t since. Puppies are exhausting. 

120. What color are most of your clothes? Maroon. Or blue. I have a lot of grey I think too.

121. Do you like adventures? Yes! “ADVENTURE IS OUT THERE!”

122. Have you ever been on TV? Nope.

123. How old are you? 19.

124. What is your favorite quote? I have so many favorites, but... "You’re only given a little spark of madness, you mustn’t lose it.” - Robin Williams.

125. Do you prefer sweet or savory foods? Savory. But sweet is sometimes welcome too. 

I tag: anyone who wants to... since this is forever late

[earth-bat]

I was tagged by: @xrattrap, thank you so much for that!

I’m tagging: @uglyvillagersims @baieyu @literalite @liliithvatore @caacti @blurri-sim-kid, I’m sorry if you’ve already done it or don’t want to do that!

Rules: make your simself, put some info about yourself and answer questions. 

Answering was fun, but a little tedious. There are 125 questions soo:

1. What is your full name? No way in hell I’m going to spell it in english. let’s just stuck to Sam, shall we?

2. What is your nickname? i have none

3. Birthday? December 25

4. What is your favorite book series? All for the game, i’m weak for mafia and gays

5. Do you believe in aliens or ghosts? If I believed in myself as mush as I believe in aliens

6. Who is your favorite author? I don’t have one

7. What is your favorite radio station? ????????

8. What is your favorite flavor of anything? Anything with chocolate 

9. What word would you use often to describe something great or wonderful? ahuitel’no, ahuet, ebaaaaaaaaaaaaaat’ 

10. What is your current favorite song? The last album by Y&Y and Brockhampton basically 

11. What is your favorite word? Blya! It’s not my fav. word but I say it too much

12. What was the last song you listened to? Exid I love you..... LISTEN I CAN EXPLAIN

13. What TV show would you recommend for everybody to watch? I don’t watch TV shows that often. so my judgement is too biased. In the Flesh mb?

14. What is your favorite movie to watch when you’re feeling down? I don’t watch movies whem I’m feeling down, I just cry

15. Do you play video games? Yeah

16. What is your biggest fear? height, death of my loved ones

17. What is your best quality, in your opinion? I do what I’m told to

18. What is your worst quality, in your opinion? I can’t say no and I’m a chatterbox

19. Do you like cats or dogs better? Cats

20. What is your favorite season? Summer

21. Are you in a relationship? no

22. What is something you miss from your childhood? The feeling of not worrying 

23. Who is your best friend? One girl who has already best friend and it’s not me lol

24. What is your eye color? brown

25. What is your hair color? light brown

26. Who is someone you love? My cat, my family

27. Who is someone you trust? my cat annd my friend 

28. Who is someone you think about often? my cat and family again. i’m paranoid, so

29. Are you currently excited about/for something? i wish

30. What is your biggest obsession? I’m too lazy to have one

31. What was your favorite TV show as a child? Pokemone, def

32. Who of the opposite gender can you tell anything to, if anyone? My best friend 

33. Are you superstitious? nah. but I have a cursed tongue haha

34. Do you have any unusual phobias? i might have!

35. Do you prefer to be in front of the camera or behind it? behind i’m too ugly for the front

36. What is your favorite hobby? games

37. What was the last book you read? die Nacht von Lissabon....... listen, i should be getting ready for my german class, but here I’m answering questions

38. What was the last movie you watched? ugh.. devil’s advocate?? it was for my engish class so

39. What musical instruments do you play, if any? none :c

40. What is your favorite animal? caaats

41. What are your top 5 favorite Tumblr blogs that you follow? ummm i don’t like answering questions like that

42. What superpower do you wish you had? time manipulation

43. When and where do you feel most at peace?  home at night

44. What makes you smile? my cat

45. What sports do you play, if any? ......none

46. What is your favorite drink? water

47. When was the last time you wrote a hand-written letter or note to somebody? does notes such as: “our prof. sucks” count? 

48. Are you afraid of heights? yeah

49. What is your biggest pet peeve? juvenile people

50. Have you ever been to a concert? no

51. Are you vegan/vegetarian? not anymore, health issues

52. When you were little, what did you want to be when you grew up? I i wanted to work in a circus or as a vet

53. What fictional world would you like to live in? dragon age or mass effect universes 

54. What is something you worry about? my family, my future, everything

55. Are you scared of the dark? no

56. Do you like to sing? nah

57. Have you ever skipped school? always, but now im in the uni and i never miss classes, yeah, can’t believe it either

58. What is your favorite place on the planet? somewhere outside the planet

59. Where would you like to live? norway?? finland?? anywhere but not here???

60. Do you have any pets? a cat

61. Are you more of an early bird or a night owl? night owl

62. Do you like sunrises or sunsets better? nothing

63. Do you know how to drive? no

64. Do you prefer earbuds or headphones? earbuds

65. Have you ever had braces? no, but i need one

66. What is your favorite genre of music? honestly? i listen to everything these days

67. Who is your hero? my mom

68. Do you read comic books? yes, i would die for Dick Grayson, but i can’t stand dc....... (and marvel too these days)

69. What makes you the most angry? ignorance

70. Do you prefer to read on an electronic device or with a real book? electronic device

71. What is your favorite subject in school? amma out of this shithole, too biig for it

72. Do you have any siblings? yeah

73. What was the last thing you bought? snacks

74. How tall are you? 5′2 or not? i’m not good with american system

75. Can you cook? yeeea

76. What are three things that you love? sleeping. cat and reading

77. What are three things that you hate? intolerance, ignorance, straights

78. Do you have more female friends or more male friends? female

79. What is your sexual orientation? i guess i’m gay

80. Where do you currently live? russia

81. Who was the last person you texted? my friend

82. When was the last time you cried? a month ago?

83. Who is your favorite YouTuber? ughhhh

84. Do you like to take selfies? nope

85. What is your favorite app? -

86. What is your relationship with your parent(s) like? hot and cold

87. What is your favorite foreign accent? german-like, idk, my own maybe?

88. What is a place that you’ve never been to, but you want to visit? europe

89. What is your favorite number? 56

90. Can you juggle? -

91. Are you religious? no way in hell

92. Do you find outer space or the deep ocean to be more interesting? space one

93. Do you consider yourself to be a daredevil? u tell me

94. Are you allergic to anything? I’m allergic to myself

95. Can you curl your tongue? no need more.... practice

96. Can you wiggle your ears? ?? what’s with this question?

97. How often do you admit that you were wrong about something? Often enough

98. Do you prefer the forest or the beach? beach

99. What is your favorite piece of advice that anyone has ever given you? shut your month when no one listens

100. Are you a good liar? yeah i mean, everyone thinks i’m smart, and i’m not

101. What is your Hogwarts House? i hate hp, but the green one looks nice

102. Do you talk to yourself? always

103. Are you an introvert or an extrovert? i’m looser.....

104. Do you keep a journal/diary? no

105. Do you believe in second chances? depends on the person

106. If you found a wallet full of money on the ground, what would you do? first of all, i wouldn’t even take it from the ground, so I won’t know if it’s full of money 

107. Do you believe that people are capable of change? yes

108. Are you ticklish? yes

109. Have you ever been on a plane? yes

110. Do you have any piercings? yeees

111. What fictional character do you wish was real? hard to say

112. Do you have any tattoos? no

113. What is the best decision that you’ve made in your life so far? my life is full of bad decisions and no good ones

114. Do you believe in karma? no

115. Do you wear glasses or contacts? no but i need to

116. Do you want children? no

117. Who is the smartest person you know? me myself and i (joking, my friend)

118. What is your most embarrassing memory? ohhhhhhhh boi!!

119. Have you ever pulled an all-nighter? yea

120. What color are most of you clothes? black and white

121. Do you like adventures? yea

122. Have you ever been on TV? yea......

123. How old are you? 21

124. What is your favorite quote? ugh i hate u but I would blow u??? listen i can explain

125. Do you prefer sweet or savory foods? sweet and spicy

[breesays]

Pregnancy Blog FAQ

Hello! It’s not really my style to directly address my supposed “readers” but a lot of things have changed in the last few months, so this is a different sort of blog. 

I dropped off the map for awhile because 1. I am pregnant and 2. You’re not supposed to TELL anyone you’re pregnant until you’re like, 3 months along. My quiet, barfy misery was mine alone. My mom was like, “you should journal everything” but I was like “CAN’T. BUSY SLEEPING 12 HOURS A DAY” which, actually, still holds true today despite this rumor I heard about my energy returning in the 2nd trimester. Anyway, in the interest of SAVING some of my energy, I thought I would answer a few questions I’ve been getting asked since I announced. 

^ Would’ve been a great “It’s a girl! announcement, no?

Q. Were you guys trying? 

A. We weren’t NOT trying. It was just a matter of observing my Clue app and me being like, I don’t want to have a Pisces (sorry Mom, sorry Char - you’re just very emotional) baby so we can stop using condoms on this date. 

Q. When did you find out? 

A. It woke up really queasy a Saturday when Tim was in Thailand. I bought my *last meal at Gelson’s and a pack of three tests. The first one to know the news was technically Ryan and Charlene’s cat, Phil, who I was cat-sitting while they were away. 

*The last meal was sushi, and I knew I couldn’t eat it if test came out positive. 

Q. What is it? 

A. An avocado! Just kidding, but that’s what size it is at 16 weeks now. It’s a boy. 

Q. Did you want a boy? 

A. I wanted a girl because I AM A GIRL and ALL I KNOW is girls, but you know what? That’s what I get for following Gwen Stefani’s family planning trajectory. Also, believe it or not, this process is so FRAGILE in the beginning (or all the way through?) that you really, truly get to a point where you’re like “does it have all the parts and is it breathing and is it healthy?!” Gender doesn’t quite matter as much. The fact that you GET to the week where you can ID it’s gender feels like an accomplishment of its own. 

  Q. Have you thought of names? 

A. Fortunately, about 2 weeks before we actually found out it was a boy, Tim and I finally considered that it MIGHT actually NOT be a girl so we should discuss names. We have a short list. Our “hell no” list is a lot  longer. We have a short list and when the Wilde One shows his face, we will pick from that list.

Q. How have you been feeling? 

A. EXHAUSTED. I can get a *solid 10 hours of sleep and still find it IMPERATIVE that I take a nap at 2pm. 

*I get up to pee at least 3 times 

Q. Any weird cravings? 

A. This baby has me eating totally different things then I did before. It’s like being bodysnatched. But these things have included: Pickles, peaches, potatoes in various forms, pasta, raisin bran, tapioca pudding, popsicles, jimmy john’s veggie subs, cheetos, chow mein, garlic bread, cheese and crackers, cucumbers, pluots, Del Taco quesadillas. As of week 14 I’ve been able to eat exactly 5 salads, and 2 of them have been from BJ’s. Olive Garden, you’re next. 

Q. Aversions? A. Most vegetables. Vegan cheese. Fish. Hot eggs. The kind of salsa I like changes EVERY week. TACO BELL TASTED DIFFERENT UNTIL WEEK 15! 

Q. Are you showing? 

A. From my view, you BET. Such an odd question when you don’t necessarily start with admirably flat abs, know what I mean? And then there’s the hormones and bloating. Anyway, week 14 I had to spring for some maternity jeans. Rent The Runway has a pretty decent maternity selection and I have some very generous friends who’ve lent me their bella bands, maxi dresses and maternity tops. BLESS. 

Q. Are you still doing yoga/hiking/working out? 

A. Yoga, yes. Via yogaglo.com and some prenatal classes at One Down Dog, Kinship, The Yogi Tree. But the rest of my time is spent sleeping. 

  All in all, it’s a very interesting but peculiar time, especially for someone who’s had a tumultuous relationship with their own body. Pregnancy is a time in your life you literally CAN’T NOT listen to your body, because it always COMMUNICATING SO LOUDLY. Sleep! Peaches! Barf! Bad smells! Nap! Headache! Uncomfortable! Carbs! Nap! 

Thank you for coming to my TED Talk.