#I was constantly changing schools trying to fit in trying to just adapt to this new environment

[mylove-thresher]

new mechanical pencils so fayahhhhh

[memoryservves]

──   (  lukita maxwell. 22. cis female. she/her.  ) thank god you’re here, man - have you seen MAGDALENA FULLER anywhere? i totally lost them after their rendition of desire by fontaines dc last night. no? they’re like, aye - high and go to LANGSTON - i think they’re a JUNIOR studying FILM & CINEMATIC STUDIES? but who knows, these days. all i know is that they’re FLIGHTY AND OBSESSIVE and a GEMINI . last night they kept going on and on about how they won MOST LIKELY TO DROP OUT FOR THEIR MRS. DEGREE last year, which is cool and whatever, but i just wouldn’t expect it out of them, considering they’re so, like, OUTGOING AND ADAPTIVE, you know? anyways - i’m going to check down by the courtyard, i think that’s where they like to hang. text me if you see them, okay?

STATS.

full name : mary magdalena fuller

nicknames : magdalena , mags

date of birth : june 16th , 2002

gender : cis female

sexuality : bisexual

inspiration : alice (closer) , brad pitt who changes his look to match his girlfriend , cassie (euphoria) , mitsuri (demon slayer) , rosalie (twilight) , michelle (skins)

BIOGRAPHY.

an error . the biggest mistake of their lives . those were the whispers that followed magdalena around . magdalena born to a mother of 52 years old and a father of 58 . an older brother and an older sister . 32 and 30 . what a cute grand baby you have people cooed in the store . that's our daughter they responded with barely contained eye rolls . a miracle baby ! nope , just a menopause one .

they weren't careful , thinking it was too late . but one late june evening out popped mary magdalena , though she would later just go by magdalena . they didn't want another baby . they'd already raised two and that's where they wanted to stop . but the fullers were not granted that privilege . so they raised her begrudgingly . family dinners every thursday night . tutors and babysitters . playdates with the kids of the neighborhood kids . but all little magdalena wanted was to play pretend with her brother and sister . standing there , hands in the air trying to grab them . her brother wiping his suit where she touched it . her sister clutching her necklace like she would break it . it was an empty existence , each day driving a hole deeper and deeper into her heart .

everything changed in school . when she was surrounded by kids her own age . she had one goal . not acing every test . not joining the most clubs . having the most friends . quickly , she learned to adapt . say what people wanted to hear . wear what they wanted to see . start wearing makeup when she was only 12 . and her parents let her , giving her whatever she wanted to keep her content and out of their way . one day and one falling out later , she was friendless . the next week , had her first kiss and everyone knew her name . every day , there was a new version . goth . preppy . indie . she'd tried it all , adapting to the crowd to fit in , to fill that hole . but it didn't help , only adding to the fissures spreading across her skin as she was nothing more than a piece of art , something for others' to project their on interpretations onto .

magdalena enrolled in langston , following in her siblings' footsteps , hoping to gain their attention and their praise . she isn't sure what she wants to do , changing her major almost every semester , unable to make up her mind . she isn't sure what she's doing or where she's going , but she won't be satisfied until she's the most beloved student in langston history . she's excited for the semester abroad , ready to take on the challenge of a new crowd to win over .

PERSONALITY.

magdalena is a mirror , reflecting back the attitudes and outlooks of whoever she is with . she's constantly searching for a way to eradicate the ever present lonliness and unworthiness in her life . and she does so through people . she can talk to anyone , befriend anyone because she changes into what they want her to be . her emotions move like a current in the ocean , one day madly in love with someone and the next they're a stranger to her . she tries her best to be nice , but she can be selfish , thinking about herself first and her happiness #selfcare .

she is passionless , searching for something she wants to spend the rest of her life doing , but it changes every day . she is bubbly and fun and loves to be surrounded by a crowd , but that crowd changes every week as she finds a new obsession , a new thing to base her life around .

her ultimate goal in life is to find love , and if that means kissing a few frogs along the way , or stepping on them , she doesn't mind .

WANTED CONNECTIONS.

angel on her shoulder : a friend who looks out for her , guides her in the right direction . someone who gently reminds her to take care of herself and not accept anything but the best , while reminding her she can't treat others in that same way .

devil on her shoulder : friends that bring out the worst in each other . the kind of friend you start the night out with and have no idea what happened to them the next morning . a friend who loves her stories and encourages the bad behavior " for the mems " , and she does the same with them .

enemies : people who hate her because she home wrecked their relationship . people who spread rumors about her and she retaliated leading to an all out war . people who see right through her and don't stand for the way she justifies her actions . people she was dating and dumped two weeks later with no explanation . lots to elaborate on here :)

friends : duh!

cheating while watching drive : watched drive with your muse on the sofa and cheated with them while her partner at the time was asleep in the bedroom (alternatively: said now ex)

first partner : her first kiss in middle school and her first love . someone she dated and the first person she was infatuated with and the first person that dumped her , making her eventually realize she liked dumping more than being the dumpee .

toxic relationship : this person has her wrapped around their finger , always leaving her hungrily wanting more . she'll break up with whoever she's with just to go back to them , constantly daydreaming , in love with the idea of them and not the truth . taken

unrequited love : this muse is crushing on magdalena , but she only gives them breadcrumbs . she gives enough to keep them wanting more to boost her ego without committing to anything . taken

[moonsglare]

haha thank u for ur thoughts on kjsr ask! there's like no fics or in game content for her so i have been starving sm. i love her so much, wish more people got into her character. being a picky reader AND a kjsr fan is torture, since it's hard (for me personally) to find fics that fit the way i have analyzed her. they always write her off as cold when i feel like she justs awkward cause of her lack in experience in socializing.

for college au, your analysis was on spot. thats like how i exactly imagined a college student kjsr to act. i wonder how she'd handle having a complete opposite of her as an s/o? like she's always organized, she probably has the habit of keeping her stuff in their usual positions as she sits by her chair for lectures. being raised by a military family and even attending a military school, would def make her unable to do things out of order. so having an s/o whose actions are always spontaneous and last minute would def place her in an uncomfortable spot. since imo i think of her as someone who hates unusual things, she wants everything in order. so if she met R whose constantly changing things and is the complete opposite of order, i wonder how would she even warm up to that person.

she def be irritated at first meeting with them, and maybe even R would also be annoyed with how she has a stick up her ass 😭

their slowburn would be so slow, ough i love ksr, she makes me ill ❤️

having an extremely disorganized partner would be roughhhhh for her i won’t lie. sara is about efficiency and quality—she’d absolutely loathe pushing things to deadlines and last minute work. and having a messy workspace… it’d give her a headache. also she’s definitely a clutter hater. everything in her room and on her desk has a practical purpose. if it doesn’t, it goes in the trash. as for spontaneity, i think sara would be able to adapt, but i think she would be really uncomfortable as you said. if it’s for the sake of like a project she would bite back her discomfort and press on, but if it’s like a casual thing i think she may just straight up decline. she acts this way because i believe she likes feeling prepared for things and knowing what she’s getting into. this doesn’t mean she’s against learning something completely new, but she just wants to know what she’s getting into yk? she’s very analytical. she likes plans and stuff because it gives her structure and purpose, which is very important to her because outside of that she doesn’t know what to do. she is so far behind in self-development that she clings to outside sources of structure (in canon, this is religion and the military).

so all that being said, having an s/o who abhors structure is going to be incredibly difficult for her. again, she’d be fine with trying new things, as long as her s/o tells her maybe a day in advance saying something like “hey, tomorrow we’ll do a surprise activity. bring x/wear x”. she still doesn’t know exactly what’s going to happen, but she knows there’s going to be a surprise, and she can physically and mentally prepare for it and that’s fine for her. if it’s true, pure, spontaneity she’d very much be thrown off her rhythm. it’s possible she’d even be a little irritated, since she could also have other things planned. all this being said, if there’s an emergency, she won’t crack under that pressure either. if anything, she works better, immediately forming a response plan in her head. am i making sense? i’m just rambling atp lmao i’m so sorry anon. tldr; my personal opinion is that sara would be very poorly compatible with a spontaneous person. she may not be able to even start being their friend to eventually become a romantic partner. ofc, this is my own take, so if u see that this can work, then indulge in it !!

[fantasyandromancelover]

Spider-Man AU Act 1

Inspired by literally every movie and TV adaption of Spider-Man there is, and in a case where there are not one but three main heroes.

Peter Parker/Spider-Man (Raimi’s Version) - Alastor

Peter Parker/Spider-Man (Webb's Version) - Angel Dust

Peter Parker/Spider-Man (MCU Version) - Moxxie

Mary-Jane Watson - Charlie

Gwen Stacy - Vaggie

Michelle Jones - Millie

Harry Osborn - Blitzo

Ned Leeds - Fizzarolli

Uncle Ben and Aunt May - Alastor's parents

J Jonah Jameson - Husk

Norman Osborn/The Green Goblin - Adam

Dr. Curt Conners/The Lizard - Asmodeus

Dr. Otto Octavius/Doctor Octopus - Sir Pentious

Max Dillion/Electro - Travis

Adrian Toomes/The Vulture - Chazwick

Flash Thompson - Striker

John Jameson - Vortex

Liz Alan - Queen Bee

P.S I stink at hero and villain names.

In 1980, Etienne, Henrion, and Carlo "Crimson" Hansen were brothers who started out as petty thieves living on the streets. But later in life they were employed by a mysterious crime lord who dealt in illegal experimentation, drug smuggling, and seizing control of other corporate businesses. As they years went by Henrion and Crimson revealed in the money and power that organized crime gave them but Etienne gradually grew to regret it upon seeing just how dangerous their boss's operations were and even more so after he fell in love his long-time girlfriend Marie. In time all three brothers had one son, Etienne's and Crimson's were born through marriage while Henrion's came from a one night stand with a hooker. When Etienne became a father he decided to quit and live a life of honest work, begging his brothers to the same for their sons but they both refused.

Then a year later in 1986, Etienne received a call from Crimson's wife begging him to come help her, insisting that her husband has gone mad and that she needs to escape with her child. Etienne agrees to help but knows his brothers will seek retribution, so he arranges for himself, his family, his sister in-law, and his nephew to go into hiding until the heat dies down. Unfortunately when he goes to get Crimson's wife and one year old son he finds her dead, having been killed by Crimson and is knocked out. When he wakes up he learns that Henrion and Crimson have kidnapped his own son and later discovers that all three boys were being used as test subjects for their boss's experiment to advance human D.N.A. Apparently older test subjects were unable to survive the effects and younger ones were suspected to have a stronger system. Engraged that his brothers would stoop to this Etienne kills them both, takes his nephews to raise his own alongside his son, and left town with his family to start a new life, changing their name from Hansen to Devalcourt.

Fourteen years later, seventeen year old cousins Alastor and Anthony "Angel" and their fifteen year old cousin Maximus "Moxxie" have been brought up in a loving and nurturing environment provided by Etienne and Marie and all three are blessed with extremely high IQ's and intellectual gifts. But upon reaching the teen years they develop their own personal issues. Alastor is a socially awkward nerd who is constantly mocked and bullied by his peers, Angel is a rebellious punk who acts out to deal with feelings of abandonment and is belittled by most of his teachers, and Moxxie is always trying to fit in only to constantly be rejected. Despite this they do have some friends. Alastor’s rich high school classmate Blitzo who's father is the owner of a corporate company, Moxxie’s fellow theater geek Fizzarolli who is also bullied due to being held back several years, and the boys’s beautiful next door neighbor and childhood friend Charlotte “Charlie", who Alastor has secretly been in love with since he was six.

One day the school takes a field trip to a genetics lab run by Doctor Asmodeus Rapha, a brilliant scientist and former science teacher for the boys, and among the few to recognize Angel’s potential. Asmodeus unveils his latest invention for all to see, the Neogenic Recombinator, a device that crosses science with spiritual forces to create a whole new form of healing and advancing one's natural abilities. However the effects of the device have so far be unstable due to the fact that all the recent test subjects of it can't handle to extreme change in their blood and D.N.A. They are also introduced to Asmodeus's workers Travis and Chazwick, his pretty young intern and Charlie's best friend Vaggie who takes an instant dislike of the boys, believing them to be trouble makers.

During a tour of the lab, Stiker the school bully and his gang grab Moxxie and drag him off somewhere to beat him up. Alastor and Angel come to his defense which results in a fight breaking out and one of them hitting the Neogenic Recombinator. The device is turned on and it hits Alastor, Angel, and Moxxie with a blast but nothing seems to happen to them so they quickly run home, to avoid getting into trouble. However in actuality they have been given super natural, demonic, powers and skills without any negative side effects due to their blood and D.N.A having been made stronger cause of the experiments made on them at a young age. All three have super-strength and genius level intelligence but Alastor can control and morph with shadows, produce tendrils as a means to climb and swing, and his given heightened senses. Angel has advanced speed and agility, instinctive combat skills, and producing a paralyzing venom. And Moxxie can shapeshift, has healing and regenerative powers, and can build any form of device, weapon, or force.

At first the boys just use their powers to benefit themselves. With Angel using his to intimate local thugs who mugged him for money, Moxxie getting revenge on Striker and hid gang, and Alastor signing up for a wrestling match to win a thousand dollars, money which he intends to use to help his parents with their money problems. Charlie happens to notice that Alastor and his cousins are acting different and she informs Etienne and Marie of her worries. Etienne, secretly fearing that they might make the same mistake he and his brothers made, has a talk with all three of them but Moxxie and Angel get angry and snap at him to stop trying to be their father. When he talks to Alastor, just before dropping him off at what he thinks is a trip to the library, Etienne confesses to Alastor the whole story about him and his brothers. He warns him that while in the beginning they were only trying to take care of themselves and their family, in the end it lead them down at dark path of murder and betrayal. Then he tells Alastor that as the oldest he has to look after the family should something happen to Etienne and he gives his son the advice "With Great Power Comes Great Responsibility." Alastor only brushes off the advice, telling his father that he has no responsibility to Angel or Moxxie because technically they're not his brothers and unlike his father, he didn't choose to look after them. That was just saddled on him.

Turns out Alastor had lied to his father about going to the library and was really going to the wrestling match he secretly signed up for. With his powers, he easily beats his opponent and wins the match but is cheated out of the money by the crooked sponsor. Shortly after said sponsor is robbed and Alastor let's the thief get away as revenge. Later as Alastor waits for his father to pick him up, he discovers that a car jacker shot his father and Etienne dies in his son's arms. Heartbroken and enraged, Alastor hunts down the murderer but is horrified to find that the killer is the same thief he let get away. Alastor is now condemned with guilt, convinced that his father's death was his fault and Angel and Moxxie are also stricken with guilt for how they treated their uncle. At Etienne's funeral Charlie, Blitzo, Fizzaroli, and Vaggie comfort the boys and Marie. Alastor then swears on his father's grave that he'll make things right and always look after the family no matter what.

Meanwhile Blitzo has always felt neglected by his father and is desperate to win his approval. So desperate that he begins taking drugs to be good at sports and become a star athlete, ditching his real friends to hang with the popular crowd, and sets out to woo Charlie despite knowing that Alastor has loved her for years. Charlie tells Blitzo that she's not sure if she wants to be his girlfriend but she agrees to date him to see where this goes. At the moment Charlie isn't really looking for a relationship, she's too busy trying to achieve a career in acting yet unfortunately no one really supports that dream except for her Vaggie, Moxxie, and Alastor. One night Charlie has a fight with her father over her career choice and Alastor invites her out to comfort her. As they talk Charlie confesses that she always admired Etienne for being a devoted and supportive father, calling him a hero to which Alastor agrees. He then confesses that he believes himself to be a disappointment to his father and that he may never be the man he wanted him to be. But Charlie just kindly assured him that he's better than he thinks and that someday he'll be a hero just like Etienne was.

This inspires Alastor, Agnel, and Moxxie to honor Etienne's wish for them to be good men by using their powers to defend the innocent from evil. Donning masked costumes, they fight crime and save lives as honorable vigilantes with demonic powers and skills. This earns them the names the Demon Deer, the Spider Sinner, and the Incredible Imp. However despite their heroics, newspaper publisher Husk is convinced that the three of them are villains and vows to find proof as this by hiring Alastor as the newspaper's photographer due to him being the only one able to get a clear picture of the heroes. Meanwhile Angel decides to clean up his punk act by taking up an internship with Asmodeus which allows him to work alongside Vaggie who is soon impressed by his hidden genius and Moxxie helps Charlie further her acting career by getting her involved wit his acting trope.

Unknown to everyone including Blitzo, his father Adam is secretly the crime lord Etienne used to work for years ago and has been building his own criminal empire to run the city. At some point Adam decides that he wants to use the Neogenic Recombinator on himself despite Asmodeus's warnings of the danger. The device does in fact give Adam supernatural powers and skills but because his body and D.N.A has no immunity or stabilizing factor like Alastor and his cousins do, he is driven insane and becomes a villain known as the Dark Archangel. At a world unity fair where Adam was supposed to meet his son and Charlie, the Dark Archangel arrives and assassinates a rival crime boss attending the event. Alastor as the Deer Demon fights him but has to let him escape when Charlie falls from a building amidst the chaos. He catches her in time and she can't help but feel that there's something familiar about her savior.

Adam continues to plan the murders of his competition but many of his attempts are thwarted by Deer Demon, Spider Sinner, and the Incredible Imp. Eventually he realizes he can't take all three of them so he kidnaps his employees Asmodeus, Travis, and Chazwick and uses the Neogenic Recombinator to mutate them into villains that he unleashes on to the city to distract the heroes. Travis and Chazwick are both gleefully embrace their new, sadistic identity but Asmodeus tries to fight it and goes to Angel and Vaggie for help. The two of them and Alastor keep him secretly contained and run experiments on him into order to find a cure for the mutation. During this Angel and Vaggie grow closer and after a surprise kiss, they start a relationship. Alastor and Charlie grow closer too much to Blitzo's jealousy. On a rainy night, Alastor and Charlie share a romantic moment just after a failed audition where he encourages her to keep holding on to her dreams. She walks home alone but Alastor notices some men following her and sneaks after them through the shadows. The men try to gang rape Charlie but the Deer Demon saves her again. Thinking that it was Alastor who saved her, she kisses him in the rain but is shocked and embarrassed when they part and she sees that it's not Al. Or so she thinks.

At Thanksgiving, Charlie, Vaggie, Fizzarolli, Blitzo, and his father are invited to spend the holiday with the boys and Marie. At first the dinner goes well but then Adam sees a photo of Etienne, recognizing him as his former employee which rouses suspicion. He also finds out that Charlie happens to be the daughter of his ex fiance Lilith who left him to be with his best friend Lucifer from college. Adam suddenly starts acting rude, berates Blitzo and reveals that he's been taking drugs, taunts Moxxie about his father killing his mother, and calls Charlie a gold-digging whore. Moxxie runs off with Fizzarolli following to comfort him and Charlie is reduced to tears. Blitzo doesn't defend any of them out of fear but Alastor respectfully tells Adam to leave and warns him never to speak that way about his family or Charlie again. When Adam is gone Blitzo tries to comfort Charlie but she rejects him and retreats into Alastor's arms, seeing that he only was interested in her to impress his father.

Adam, having never known that any of the Hansen brothers had children until now, uses his illegal connections to pull up concealed information about their background and discovers the experiments done on the boys. This causes him to deduce that Alastor, Angel, and Moxxie are the Deer Demon, the Spider Sinner, and the Incredible Imp. He chooses to punish them by striking at their hearts and preying on the people they love most. First he has Chazwick attack Fizzarolli and force unstable drugs into his system which leads to an overdose. Next he has Travis release Asmodeus and set him up to be hunted and put down by animal control. Finally as The Dark Archangel, he breaks in and terrifies Marie to the point that she has a heart attack. Alastor and Charlie stay at the hospital to look after Marie and Fizzarolli while Moxxie and Angel look for Asmodeus and the other villains.

At some point Blitzo comes to the hospital to apologize and make amends but backs out upon seeing Alastor and Charlie embrace. He goes home that night and reveals to his father that Charlie prefers Alastor over him and that Alastor has always loved her. This reminds Adam of when Lilith chose Lucifer over him and he assumes that Alastor and Charlie purposely hurt his son. He kidnaps Charlie and uses her as bait to lure Alastor to the Brooklyn Bridge. Alastor goes there as the Deer Demon and finds the Dark Archangel holding her and a tram car of children hostage. He forces Alastor to choose whom he wants to save and drops them both but Alastor manages to save both Charlie and the children. Adam refusing to let him win, sends Chazwick, and Travis to kill them all but though Angel and Moxxie arrive just in time to hold them off long enough for Alastor to get everyone to safety.

During this Vaggie finally creates a cure and sets out to use it. She finds Asmodeus and cures him just before his shot by the authorities then races to the bridge to cure the others. But things soon take a tragic turn. As Moxxie is curing Chazwick, Travis electrocutes him to the point that he can't move and throws Vaggie from the bridge. Angel catches her with his webbing but he finds her motionless and unresponsive. And Adam grabs Alastor and subjects him to a brutal beating him. However when Adam brags about how he will kill his mother, his cousins, his friends, and for last subject Charlie to a slow and painful death, Alastor becomes so enraged that he gains the upper hand, and nearly kills him. Adam reveals himself and begs for forgiveness while subtly getting his glider ready to impale Alastor from behind. Warned by his senses, he dodges the attack, and the glider mortally impales Adam instead. Adam dies with a torn piece of the Deer Demon's suit in his hand and when Blitzo later finds it on his father's body, he assumes the Deer Demon killed his father and swears revenge.

In the end Chazwick and Travis are cured and arrested for their crimes while Asmodeus is given proper treatment. Marie and Fizzarolli both recover but the incident at the bridge leaves Vaggie comatose and Moxxie paralyzed from the waste down, unknown if he'll ever walk again. Blaming himself for what happened to Vaggie, Angel gives up being the Spider Sinner and a protective Alastor forbids Moxxie from ever being the Incredible Imp again, choosing to take the burden on his own. Charlie confesses to Alastor that she loves him and they kiss, but he feels he must protect her from the attention of his enemies. So he hides his true feelings and tells Charlie that they can only be friends. She sadly accepts this but is left wondering if there's more to what he said due to the familiarity of their kiss. Alastor goes with Angel to visit Moxxie in the hospital all while recalling his late father's words and accepting his responsibility as the Deer Demon.

[ruinouslore]

on a personal note, I may be doing soemthing incredibly dumb and rash soon and I’m unsure how it may affect things. just college stuff, ramble under divider for tidiness

I’m considering changing my degree from a nice safe probably lucrative bachelor of science to a fricking volatile very risky bachelor of arts

going from cybersecurity to animation/game design (with my interest being in game design mostly but most degrees I’ve seen combine both)

it feels so dumb and incredibly naive and wasteful but I was only going down the cybersecurity route cuz it was “the only logical course of action that fitted my current skill set” and it makes money and it’s sorta relevant now (but honestly who knows with all this AI bs if I’ll still have a job in the future).

And like yes I probably should still stick with cybersecurity but ghghghhg I’m dragging my feet around and constantly daydreaming of doing all sorts of cool arts/gaming related stuff in my distant future after I get rich in a boring normal career. But what if I could do all those things now??? Im young and I got a kind supportive family and a great hybrid part time job to help pay my bills—I figured it’s safest to do something reckless now while I don’t have to feed anyone or pay rent. So what if I fail in this route? I can always fall back to IT. I am no computer expert but I’m no novice either. I’ve already learned so much in my current job now than my two years in college taught me so far. Even if I graduate with a Bachelor of Arts, I’ll likely have a year or two of actual hired working experience in compliance and IT, which I think is worth more than any degree to an employer. the more I write this nonsense here, the better I am processing this jshfjsn funny how spilling my guts to the internet void helps me better work things thru my head hahaha

Plus I’m getting more pissed off at my current college program. I’m currently online at a cheap private college which heavily uses third party courses for my major classes (eg. ucertify) and throws textbooks at me to read on my own entirely with no teacher commentary, with little to no teacher interaction outside of grading…and…and I’m paying for this? Yes the final result is a piece of paper of “yay I’m a semi competent young adult who managed to get through 4 years of structured time sensitive learning experience with decent grades therefore I am likely going to do normal jobs well”, but good fluffing gravy I’ve been to a fully online (pre covid) public school that was 10000x better than this university’s online program. Some of the Canvas courses have the fricking placeholder text in them or wrong information. anyway all this to say….im not sure if I’m losing as much as I think I am if I make this change. I think I should do this. I want to do this and yet old guilt and conditioning of “art things are useless” is holding me back. I’m passionate about creative things. I’m absolutely not passionate about technology as a career. I’m not even that great with technology (I’m good with processes, if anything.). And I’m a passionate person, so doing something I’m not passionate about is frustrating. Yes I can suck it up and adapt. But I want to at least try. For once do something I want to do, rather than what is the most “logical/stragetic”, which I already have been doing ever since high school (*glares at the 3 Google Professional Certifications I drudged through during my summers*). And if I fail, I fail, it’s ok. I just want to try and have no regrets for my future.

anyway onto more happy things. My ideal vision would be to work on the business side in gaming. I want to help run the show !! I’m not good at coding, or animating, or art (but I love all three dearly and can wing em if needed, as I’ve dabbled in them all). But boy howdy does business and getting these organized and structured fascinate me…!! I just need to get braver with people lololol. And if I could ever help in narrative or game mechanics, I’d be so down. But yeah, then u may say, why not do a degree in business??? WELL MY GOOD PERSON, the way my limited brain sees it, the entertainment industry is all about connections. Going to a in person college will ideally get me those connections. Maybe I can rope some fools (/aff) to start a company with me hheheheh. And maybe if I have the money, I can do my masters in Business lol

ok that’s all. Thank u for reading if yah do lol. Here have a flamingo 🦩 (did u know flamingos piss themselves to keep cool?? I love them for that)

[llello-mello]

The problem with education is that it’s basically one nationwide game of hot potato.

Everyone wants to talk about it, debate it, throw opinions around- but no one wants to actually hold onto it long enough to fix anything. And honestly, what the hell does “equal opportunity” even mean?

When people say every student has the same chance to succeed if they just try hard enough, A one-size-fits-all guarantee. They’re basically assuming we all start from the same place, pick up information the same way, and need the same things to thrive. But that’s bullshit. Some of us learn by talking things out, and some just need time. But the system doesn’t care about that. The system refuses to adapt.

Teachers get trained to reward conformity over curiosity, speed over depth, memorization over understanding, silence over struggle, and then we wonder why so many kids fall through the cracks. So instead of changing to fit our needs, it just ignores anyone who doesn’t match its mold. acted like it doesn't exist, No one feels accountable for changing anything because it’s easier to pretend those kids don’t exist, The system wasn’t built for variety. It’s rigid and standardized not flexible. everyone is expected to follow the same path, at the same pace, using the same tools. If you don’t fit that mold, you get ignored, No one feels accountable for changing anything because it’s easier to pretend those kids don’t exist.

So what happens? The kids who learn differently, kids who don’t learn at the same pace, who need a second to wrap their heads around something or who ask questions in weird ways, get written as distractions or underachievers. The quiet ones who are actually struggling get labelled lazy or told they just “aren’t trying hard enough.” The loud ones who plead for help? They’re told to sit down and behave. And somehow it’s always our fault for not fitting into the tiny box the system built- never the system’s fault for being so narrow.

And the worst part? No one talks about us until it’s too late. Not until we’re bumped up to the next grade without the foundation we needed, without ever knowing the basics. without anyone making sure we actually understood what came before. Not until you’re sitting in class, staring at paragraphs or equations surrounded by kids your age who somehow already get it. And no matter how hard you try now, you’re still behind. So far behind that even cramming makes your head spin. And that feeling? It's humiliating. Watching everyone else breeze through stuff that just won’t click for you. You start wondering, "Am I really that stupid?" "Is something wrong with me?" Because no one explained it when it mattered. No one helped you catch up. And now you’re just expected to fake it. You sit there too embarrassed to raise your hand, because saying “I don’t get it” feels like admitting you’re dumb. And once that thought settles in? It sticks.

One missed assignment becomes two. Then your report card starts bleeding red, and before you know it, your GPA is this permanent scar of “failure.” One bad semester, one rough patch, and suddenly it’s stamped on every college app, every scholarship form, every “opportunity” you try to chase. as proof you couldn’t keep up. And no matter how much you hustle from then on, nothing you do can ever erase that one mistake.

Then you hit this weird point in school where suddenly it’s not about learning anymore. It’s about performing. Not understanding things- just looking like you do. It’s all about grades, group projects, and keeping up appearances. Like you're just expected to play along. And somewhere in the middle of that, socialising turns into its own kind of test. Not a written one, but one where you're constantly being watched.. like, how good are you at pretending you’re fine? How well can you fake confidence, laugh at the right time, and know the right reference? It’s not just about knowing the material anymore. It’s about knowing the latest joke, the trend, the song everyone’s talking about. Stuff no one ever sat down and taught you.

If you can’t do that, you’re labelled as “awkward” or “anti-social” or like.. cold or rude or whatever. Maybe you just didn’t feel like talking. Maybe you didn’t know how. But nobody cares- because suddenly, being socially “normal” matters just as much as your test scores. And if you can’t keep up with all of it? The school stuff, the social stuff. You’re just “not trying hard enough." And when you struggle? When is it too much? Suddenly it’s not that the system failed you.. It’s that you’re not trying hard enough.

And especially if you’re neurodivergent? It’s like you’re just supposed to know how to act. How to make eye contact the right amount, how to not be “weird,” how to follow a bunch of invisible rules no one ever explained. You’re expected to fit in, not stand out- to blend, to behave, to basically erase the parts of yourself that don’t match whatever version of “normal” they’re grading you on.

And the thing is, for a lot of neurodivergent kids, this is the pattern. People love to romanticise neurodivergent kids. Call them prodigies. Geniuses. Little Shakespeares. You get praised for your big words, your imagination, and your test scores. And sure, at first it feels great. But that label “gifted” is a trap. It sets you up to think you have to be exceptional all the time. That if something doesn’t come easily, you must be broken. If you struggle, it’s not the system’s fault- it’s yours.

You start tying your worth to performance. Not just any performance.. effortless performance. So when something does get hard, you panic. You don’t know how to cope. You stop asking questions because you’re scared of sounding stupid. You start hiding your stress and your confusion because “gifted” kids aren’t supposed to feel that way. They’re supposed to be fine. Always.

That’s how you get a whole generation of burnt-out kids who were praised for their potential and then punished the moment they couldn’t live up to it. Who were never taught how to fail only how to perform. Who now base their self-worth on grades, numbers, achievements. One bad semester, one missed assignment, and it all starts to spiral. And suddenly, it’s not just about what you know it’s about what you had. What you had access to. What you could afford.

Didn’t have private tutors. Didn’t have someone there to explain things when you fell behind in a way they could actually understand and learn from? Well, the system said that was YOUR fault. That you should’ve figured it out alone. But what if you couldn’t teach yourself fast enough? What if i needed help I couldn’t afford? Every subject I couldn’t teach myself became a mark against me. Proof you wasn’t trying hard enough.

Ignoring all that- well.. Cool. But how are we supposed to fail safely?

How are we supposed to grow when every mistake is logged, tracked, averaged, and used against us? When failure doesn’t mean “growth”, it means lost chances, lower scores, and closed doors. When one wrong answer isn’t just a hiccup, it’s a red mark on your future.

The idea that failure helps you learn only works if failure is allowed to be temporary. Treated like a step, not a sentence. But in reality? Every mistake becomes data. Evidence. A reason to question your worth. A reason you don’t get the opportunity someone else does.

So yeah tell me again how we’re supposed to fail. Tell me how we’re supposed to learn when we can’t afford to fail.

Because if we can’t afford to fail, how the hell are we ever supposed to grow?

[gamesweetdreaming]

Rapid fire autism acceptance #3(?)

I cut out the stimming part last time, so here it is:

I have vocal stimming to express happiness, I gather some and forget others, specially hand movements. I used to press and release my hands (like they make you to draw your blood) sometimes I still do it. I wiggle my hand to "shake off" a feeling or thought. Tô concentrate while walking I tap things around me to know the texture and be aware of my surroundings. The only stim toy I ever had was a fidget spinner with pop sockets. It's really destroyed at this point. People never got annoyed at my stimming, they only called them out asking if I was anxious (I have ADHD too so.)

19, infantilization: people constantly tell me I look younger for my age. They always patronized my intelligence and feelings down to me being a child and then nowadays just because I'm a girl.

20, capacity: people always expect me to be more capable than I am. I know I'm low support needs, but I'm also high masking. I feel pain, confusion, overwhelm, everything all silently, so people never realize how things actually affect me, not mention I'm a try hard. I do more than I'm capable. At work all the times I got scolded was over something that wouldn't have happened if I wasn't autistic, at home, my parents expected me to suddenly learn how to do chores and keep up with them (they themselves don't)

21, being taken advantage of: my limits of what's ok and not are all over the place. I know people at work abuse my good will and tell me to do things for them that isn't even part of my job, my superiors have told me that I don't need to do them, but I don't care really, if I can't do it, I won't. Academically I am forced to do more than I am capable of, people rely too much on me. But in my entire life, generally, people have taken advantage of me emotionally countless times, again, abusing of my willingless to help. Even now I can't really pinpoint when my limits passed, but it does affect me, I do feel the effects of it.

22, incapacity over something specific: I tried to be nicer. Countless times. I cannot see how I'm rude and I can't change something I can't even pinpoint the problem. I have come to terms that'll always be considered rude/mean.

23, positive thing Abt autism: it's hard for companies and people to influence me, I can be manipulated, even though that's also hard, but I won't do something if i don't want to or think it's necessary, I consider people's advice but very critically. This also is bc feel utterly detached from the idea of fitting in, I never bothered to. I do mask but it's honestly for my own peace, not to make others more comfortable with my existence. TLDR: I won't buy stuff I don't need bc of an ad or make brash decisions because someone convinced me to!

24, bullying: like many things in my life, I don't experience things in the "common way they go", kids were mostly afraid to bully me because I was physically aggressive. Doesn't mean they didn't practice bullying at all though. Kids used to make fun of me for liking childish stuff, these girls specially always wanted to act as if they are 16. I never bothered to be older than I actually was. In middle school I was sexually (only verbally and rarely physically) harassed by boys. Now at work it's mostly fine, there's certain people that just make my job harder but I wouldn't say they are going out of their way to hurt me (even though it FEELS like it)

25, advice for newly discovered autistics: don't do more than you think you can. The only thing you should reflect on is how far is too far before things get you overwhelmed. Either you're a "gifted kid" or a "hopeless delinquent", remember, you don't owe anyone anything. Be true to yourself and don't push yourself to adapt and survive, things should be ADAPTED TO YOU, not the opposite. Stand your ground, get the things you need to make survival easier for you.

[merelegend]

Who can say if I’ve been changed for the better? Because I knew you I have been changed for good.

Indie MYTHAL from Dragon Age lore. Source content and headcanon based. CANON DIVERGENT && HEAVILY Affiliated with @sacrificialarrow/aegisvestige . Non-selective and open to AU, OC, and crossovers. Discord given to mutuals only. Personals do not interact.  Rules under readmore. || 01. 02.

First of all, thank you for visiting this page.  Even if you only skim this, I’ll love you forever.  Most of these rules are pretty basic, common sense stuff, but I would really appreciate it if you read them.  I know it’s long, but I’m just trying to make sure no one is offended or uncomfortable.  I’ll try to make this as painless as possible.  Bear with me.  I’ll try to bold the basics.

            — the basics.

I have a few verses to choose from, and I’ll probably place you in the one that will most easily fit with your character’s canon unless otherwise specified.

Mythal isn’t always the most pleasant person. Please know that anything mean said is not a reflection of the mun’s feelings.  IC =/= OOC.

Don’t god-mod.

OC and Au friendly, but please have an about page so I can gauge whether our characters will be able to interact.

Memes and opens are free game – anyone can send one or respond to one.  However, I may not respond for some reason or another: it may be in violation of one of my other rules, or due to external factors.  If you’re worried that I missed something, feel free to come to me about it, but please don’t constantly badger me for replies.  It’s rude.

I reserve the right to refuse to roleplay, especially if I’m uncomfortable.

DO NOT under any circumstances try to bring me into out of character drama.  If you have a problem with me, contact me privately or just unfollow.  Vague blogging, callout posts and the like are annoying, and I ask that you would tag them.  This is something I will unfollow over if I so please.

            — on selectivity. 

I will be selective with my threads and who I interact with.  I would love to interact with everyone, but I’m very busy with school and other blogs, and I don’t want to overload myself.  If this bothers you, feel free to unfollow.  If you have any questions about whether I have time, feel free to jump into my ask.

Also, I am far more likely to RP with mutuals. That’s not to say I won’t RP with those I don’t follow or those who won’t follow me, there may be exceptions. But it is far more likely.  That being said: if I follow you, I want to write with you.  Probably a lot. I’m just too shy to say anything because I’m a weenie pissbaby.

Starter calls, unless otherwise specified, are for mutuals only.

            — on content.

I’m 20+, so mature content is cool with me.   NSFW and triggering content will be present on this blog, but it will also be tagged in the following manner: n.s.f.w., tw:

As for smut: first of all, I will not smut with anyone under the age of 18.  Don’t ask me to; the answer will be no.  And just in general, don’t come to me looking for smut.  I’m not terribly good at writing it, so it’s very unlikely that it will occur on this blog.  I need to be pretty comfortable with someone to smut with them.  If by some miracle a thread is looking like it’s going to get smutty, feel free to hop into my ask and talk to me about it.  We’ll figure something out.

In relation to that, please do not send me overtly sexual memes if we have not interacted.  Kissing memes are fine, but I tend to get uncomfortable with anything beyond that.  Please respect this.

            — on replies.

I’m an adaptive roleplayer, meaning I’ll likely respond in a manner similar to yours.  If you format, I’ll format.  If you don’t, I won’t.  That sort of thing.  I also try to match length with my replies, but some days I struggle.  If you’re ever unhappy with the quality or length of a reply, please let me know and I’ll do my best to fix it.

I don’t always get to things right away.  I’m notorious for avoiding drafts, and especially right now, I’m pretty busy with schoolwork.  However, sometimes I’ll reply at the speed of light.  It’s really varied, and I’m sorry about that.

Sometimes, I’ll drop things that’ve been in my drafts for too long, or things that I feel aren’t going anywhere.  If you think I’ve dropped/missed/lost something that you wish to continue, come to me politely and we can talk about it.

            — on shipping.

I’m admittedly kind of a ship-whore.  If there are sparks, I likely ship it.  I ship Mythal/Chemistry, but again, it’s rather unlikely that Mythal will engage in a sexual or even a romantic relationship.  Them’s the breaks.  BroTPs are great though.  Also, I’m only human: I sometimes play favorites with my ships.  Sorry.

Please please please DO NOT force a ship on me.  It makes me extremely uncomfortable, and I will not hesitate to unfollow or even block you.  I will try to politely let you know if I feel that our characters do/do not have chemistry.

            — on credit.

Most icons, art and edits are made by myself, and are usually tagged as #my art or #my edits. Otherwise, I do not own anything!

          — on the mun.

My name is Élise, I’m 20+, living in Midwest America, EST.  Feel free to contact me via ask at any time. I love talking to you guys! Discord is available to mutuals upon request – again, I reserve the right to refuse to give these for whatever reason.  I have no triggers, so as long as you talk to me prior to introducing something triggering to a thread, I’ll be cool with it. Just talk to me about it beforehand and I should be fine, but if I’m not feeling it, please respect that.

That’s about it.  Thanks so much for reading these.  Smooches! <3

[somwrita]

The Curriculum Conundrum: A Quest for Relevance

Hey there, fellow Tumblrs! As I sit down to write this post, I'm reminded of the countless hours I spent in school, trying to make sense of the curriculum that was supposed to equip me for the "real world." But let's be real, how many of us can honestly say that our school days adequately prepared us for the complexities of life? The thing is, curricula are like outdated maps – they're designed to guide us through a landscape that's constantly shifting. Yet, we're still stuck with a system that emphasizes rote memorization over critical thinking, and conformity over creativity. It's like trying to fit a square peg into a round hole – it just doesn't compute.

The Problem with Standardization

Standardized curricula are like cookie-cutters – they're designed to churn out identical, cookie-cutter individuals who can regurgitate facts without questioning their relevance. But what about the kids who don't fit the mold? What about those who are wired differently, who think outside the box, or who have a different learning style? Don't they deserve a shot at unleashing their full potential?

The Case for Personalization- Imagining a curriculum that's tailored to each individual's strengths, weaknesses, and interests is a utopian dream. But it's not impossible. With the rise of AI-powered learning tools and adaptive assessments, we're finally starting to move towards a more personalized approach to education. It's like having a bespoke wardrobe – instead of forcing everyone into the same size and style, we're creating learning pathways that fit each individual's unique needs.

The Role of Technology- Technology is not just a tool; it's a catalyst for change. It allows us to flip the classroom, to make learning more interactive, and to provide real-time feedback. But it's not just about the tech itself; it's about how we use it to create a more inclusive, more empathetic, and more relevant learning environment. Imagine a world where students can collaborate with their peers from different countries, cultures, and backgrounds – that's the kind of global citizenship we need to be fostering.

The Future of Education- So, what does the future of education look like? To me, it's a future where students are encouraged to explore, to question, and to create. It's a future where teachers are facilitators, not lecturers, and where the curriculum is a dynamic, evolving entity that adapts to the needs of the learner. It's a future where we're not just preparing kids for a job, but for life – with all its complexities, uncertainties, and beauty.

The Call to Action- As we move forward, it's essential that we recognize the inherent flaws in our current system and work towards creating a more inclusive, more empathetic, and more relevant curriculum. It's not just about the what; it's about the how. It's about creating a learning environment that's student-centric, technology-enabled, and globally conscious.

So, what do you think, Tumblrs? Are you ready to join the conversation and shape the future of education? Let's get started! **Follow me for more musings on education, technology, and the future of learning!**

Ready to take the next step? Start by reflecting on your goals and explore the wide range of courses and training programs available. Don't be afraid to seek guidance from career counselors or organizations like TalentServe (link to website https://www.talentserve.org/) that specialize in helping individuals navigate their career paths.

[scribefindegil]

Sometimes I think about Teru And The Narrative and lose my mind. like. I joke that he's the only character who knows he's in an anime and that can be funny, but the truth is that he's so desperate to find a story to fit into because that's the only way his life will Make Sense. No, his parents didn't abandon him; they just had to go somewhere else to keep themselves safe, and he has to be the one dealing with the threats because he's The Protagonist. It doesn't matter that he's a kid; the protagonists of the stories he reads are as young as him and they deal with worse than this all the time! He has to {learn to fight off adult attackers} {hone his powers so he's unbeatable} {violate the Geneva Convention} because that's what protagonists do!

And then he meets Mob.

But instead of the experience making him realize that he isn't in that kind of story, it convinces him that he is, but he isn't the protagonist. Mob is. (And obviously, from our perspective, he's right, but he has the genre wrong. Teru has never seen a story with themes as kind as Mob Psycho's).

So then: he's a side character. He's Mob's rival (complete with intense homoromantic adoration). He redefines his role in the story, but he doesn't redefine the rules that tell him it's okay that he lives alone and is constantly fighting for his life. In fact, he keeps going out to find more ways to get in trouble. He goes to confront the broccoli alone. He makes himself a superhero outfit and starts flying around Seasoning City hoping he could gain some fulfillment from playing superhero. His after-school activity is taking down terrorist splinter groups!

Because if he tries to change the genre or abandon the conceit, tries to live his life as an ordinary middle-schooler, suddenly he doesn't have an excuse anymore. For his parents leaving. For what he needed to do to survive. It stops being fun and becomes horrifying.

In Confession Arc, one of the things that he has to face is that Mob isn't the protagonist of the world any more than Teru himself was. I don't think that he's broken out of his narrative thinking completely (he still calls himself Mob's rival), but it finally shakes some of those foundations when he sets himself and Mob on equal footing for the first time.

So afterwards, maybe he can become the protagonist of his own life. Maybe, finally, he can start making decisions about the story he wants to be in instead of trying to adapt himself to fit the one he thinks someone else has defined for him.

[justintaco]

top ten anime! i feel like i remember the last one and im curious to see how things have or haven't shaken up

idk if I ever did a last one, but fine jeez enough people asked.

My criteria changes with these every time. I'm trying to go with what shows had the most impact on me or were the most memorable, regardless of objective quality. A lot of these aren't even rated 10/10 on my MAL. Any show with multiple seasons I'm just listing as a combined whole.

10) Yozakura Quartet

I have complicated feelings about this show. I don't think I've changed my number rating on anything else as often as I have with YZQ. There are objectively bad things about this show, and they apply to the manga as well. The fanservice is almost utterly needless and distracting. The story is on a time limit yet things constantly meander and detour into filler.

Yet despite all that, it's a show I can't stop thinking about. I'm not one to be taken in by flashy animation. Good animation does not equate a good show, it just means a good budget. Yet YZQ is one of the few shows that just stunned me over and over with the smoothness of the animation and smartness of the direction. The last episode of the Tsuki ni Naku OVA is still one of the most jaw dropping episodes of anything I've ever watched in my life, and that was years ago.

It's Suzuhito Yasuda's passion project more or less, even though it doesn't sell very well, and I can't help but respect that. The characters are cute and all likable. Even the villains turned good guys just always fit snugly into the cast perfectly. The powers and fights are fun and I hope Tatsunoko gets off their ass and adapts more of it. Message me if you ever want to check it out, the viewing order is a bit odd (or check it here).

9) Haruchika

There's a lot in Haruchika that you can find in plenty of other shows. A loud excitable protagonist, a snarky deuteragonist at her side, a high school setting, and a concert band. A lot of people actually tried to put Haruchika in competition with Hibike Euphonium when they both aired. But they're completely different shows.

It's hard to describe the charm of this show without just using the word charming again. Chika is just one of those characters that I could watch all day long. She's more than just energetic and a little dumb. The show goes out of its way to establish a dichotomy between her and Haru. He's extremely smart but has trouble getting along with others, while she's pretty brash but has just immense emotional intelligence. She's always kind, comforting, and ready to be there for her friends. One of the best lines in the show is Haru telling Chika that he may have solved all their friends' problems, but she "worked out everyone's hearts." They're a good duo and the chemistry between her and all the new friends she makes is fantastic.

Beyond that, some of the topics this show covers with grace are just, almost unmatched for something of this genre and lightheartedness. Being adopted, loss of a loved one, disabilities, PTSD, unrequited love, depression, and isolation. It's just one of many shows everyone should check out and give an honest chance.

8) Bubuki Buranki

I'll try not to rehash all the stuff I posted about before but, Bubuki Buranki is just a fun, earnest, and enjoyable show. It was SANZIGEN's 10th anniversary show, so it was made without money in mind and just the raw passion and love of creativity on display warms my heart. The studio brought on some really big industry names and I can't imagine it was produced at anything but a loss. Yet they made 2 seasons despite financial setbacks, simply because they promised themselves and everyone watching that they would. So much about it inspires me, from the actual content of the show to its production.

There's some clunky humor at times and some of the ideas can feel half-finished and get discarded over time. But there's so much it does right that every time I dredge up my old posts with like 20 notes I just wanna grab all my followers and tell them, just check it out, please.

The action is stellar, the setpieces and backdrops are phenomenal, the music is incredible, the voice acting performances are masterful, the mech designs are so fuckin cool, the characters are diverse and come from all over the globe, they're lovable in their own ways, and even some of the villains make you want to care about them. This was the best-looking CG animated show before Houseki no Kuni aired. Some of you reading might not have even realized it was CG based on that gif, because it's so smooth that I didn't even realized until partway through the first episode. Give it a try, cause I'm never going to shut up about it.

7) Macross Delta

This may come as a surprise to some people, but I'm not really that much of a fan of idol shows. I have tried but cannot get myself invested in big name classics like Love Live or idolm@ster. Music shows just need that extra bit of spice for me, and Macross Delta brings it.

Macross is obviously known for this, but the blend of music and space fighter jet mechs just works extremely well. Delta respects both premises equally, giving equal weight to a performer's power to touch hearts and minds that it does to a soldier's power to both hurt and protect. Freyja and Hayate respect each other and everything that makes the other who they are.

As you might expect, Macross Delta's music is extremely high tier and for myself, there was not a single song I didn't immediately love. I have not stopped listening to the music since the show first aired until today.

Beyond that, the characters are extremely good. Freyja is easily one of the most charming and lovable female leads in all of anime, complete with lovingly crafted expression work that brings her to life. The animation is very well-done from simple conversations to dance numbers. Check it out if you want a wonderfully entertaining scifi music adventure.

6) Re:Creators

Re:Creators is another show with flaws. I don't agree with everything the story does. Some things I actually really dislike. Yet, when I started it while it was  airing, the premise grabbed me. I told myself that there were several things I wanted the show to do with it, and sure enough, it hit every single one of those marks like it was reading my mind.

I think a pattern with a lot of anime I like is whether they feel confident in their premise. I think even a bad show can be elevated if it commits to what it wants to do. Re:Creators is about, well, creating. Everything that happens feels straight from the hearts of people that have put blood, sweat, and tears into creating art. The directions it goes with meta-commentary on creating just boggles my mind. So many episodes went in directions I've just never seen other anime even attempt. It's hard to explain without absolute spoiling the twists and turns.

The directing, music, acting, animation, and overall presentation of Re:Creators is really good, a show that honestly should be experienced in the highest resolution you can find. I also think it’s a must-watch for anyone that has ever wanted to write, draw, animate, or do anything of that nature. 

5) Zombieland Saga

Zombieland Saga is one of the funniest shows I’ve ever watched. It is one of the most entertaining shows I’ve ever watched. It’s rare that a show comes along that manages to continually exceed your expectations episode after episode. 

As I mentioned, I don’t take to idol shows very easily. ZLS has tremendous strengths with its premise, characters, music, and humor that I think will make anyone enjoy it, even if they don’t like idol shows. It is first and foremost a very fun and enjoyable show. I have more trouble breaking down why comedies are great, so forgive me here, but, check it out with an open mind and I think you’ll have a fantastic time. 

4) Durarara

I’m thankful that DRRR’s strengths are so obvious because that makes this entry easy for me. DRRR is one of the best told stories I’ve ever watched. The ability to juggle dozens of individual characters with individual motivations, scatter their stories and daily lives across episodes and entire seasons, narrate them all from different perspectives, slowly weave them all back together again, and have it come out satisfying every. single. time. is nothing short of masterful. It’s a show difficult not to binge, because you always want more of the story, you always want to see how it all fits together, because it always will, and it’ll always satisfy you. It’s a long show but worth every single minute spent on it. 

3) Chaika The Coffin Princess

Chaika is a show near and dear to my heart. I’ve spent a lot of time trying to find another fantasy show that would make me feel the same way. There have been gems, but there is only ever been one Chaika. 

This show has everything I could ask for from an adventure anime: A cast of characters with incredible chemistry, thrilling action, interesting worldbuilding, a beautiful aesthetic, gorgeous music, really good humor, and an engaging story. It touches on deeper themes of war, peace, love, injustice, belonging, and friendship. But at the same time, the basic elements of the anime itself are so easy to enjoy without ever giving those themes any thought. It is simply fun and entertaining, but if you look for that depth, you will find it. 

This is easily one of the best anime made by Studio Bones, and despite a forcibly shortened second season, it’s an absolute gem. Any fan of Chaika is a friend of mine.

2) Gatchaman Crowds

Gatchaman Crowds is the greatest superhero story ever told. A show that has made me a better person, a person who wants to believe a better world is possible, we just need to take care of each other using things unique to each of us. Governments will not save humanity, superheroes will not save humanity, technology will not save humanity. Only by trusting in, loving, and helping one another will we ever survive. It all sounds too optimistic, but optimism is our only hope. You cannot try and make things better if you do not believe they can get better.

Hajime Ichinose is a wonderful, intelligent, unabashedly weird, incredibly loud, naive, and optimistic hero. She perfectly demonstrates that optimism isn’t simply sitting around and hoping things get better, it means taking action, breaking down barriers, acting unconventionally, ignoring precedent, and most of all, never losing hope. There will be setbacks, people will do bad things, you will fail sometimes, but do not let the world break you down and never lose sight of why you should help others: It’s the right thing to do

Gatchaman Crowds is a show worth watching, and worth watching again and again. It’s not only entertaining but fills me with happiness, determination, optimism, and motivation. Whether you check it out because of my mushy ramblings here, or because of the stellar characters, animation, music, and action, or you never check it out at all, always remember: When the time comes to help someone, just do it. That’s What Heroes Do.

1) Monogatari Series

The Monogatari Series is disgusting, perverted, violent, often triggering, verbose, extremely long, confusing, weird, difficult to watch, and difficult to recommend. It is also my favorite anime series of all time. It is both writer Nisio Isin’s and studio Shaft’s magnum opus. I have not seen an anime with so many serious flaws yet such powerful strengths that the good outweighs the bad so incredibly. 

I don’t like all of Nisio’s works, I don’t think I even like most of them. I think some of his works are downright bad or boring. Yet the absolutely overwhelmingly excellent character writing on display in Monogatari has earned him my eternal respect. I struggle to find characters written with such weirdness and yet such depth and emotion. Every new arc brings out a new facet of every character involved.

The writing is highly elevated by Studio Shaft’s adaptation. If there is one anime you could call “weird,” this is it. It’s directing is almost nonsensical at times, interpretive, bizarre, unnecessarily complex, frankly hostile to the senses at points, and yet it makes for an entirely unique experience. There is frankly no other anime on Earth with the same feeling as Monogatari. 

I already know Monogatari isn’t for everyone. There are parts I hate, parts I wish I could rip out or rewrite. There are parts that make me uncomfortable to think about. But I accept it for all its flaws. It’s made me laugh and cry and feel excited and think deeply about myself. I wouldn’t be the same person without it.

=================================================

Watching any one of these will make for a great experience. Any person at all that needs help with watch orders or getting into them can message me any time of day. 

[hanabihanabi]

Blue and Grey (MyRobin!Au)

Summary: Tim has just gotten home from school, and he wanted nothing more than a moment of relaxation to himself- maybe even crack some cases once he reaches his room.

Those plans were thwarted the moment Dick spots him in the hallway.

Warnings: Tiny angst, implied/mentioned character's death, Desc. of Spit (? Honestly it's small; it's mostly Tim's panicking over raspberries)

Word Count: 1.9k

A/N: Woohoo, first time posting a fic! It's a small drabble (Well.. I consider it small since it's not a lot of plot) For those wondering- No, this isn't exactly the official prologue or chapter to the MyRobin!Au, but I thought this drabble might give a gist of what it's like. If people are interested enough, then maybe I'll post more :D or maybe not cause my writing is bad haha-

Drabble inspired by this post. (I want to note how much I appreciate the love on that post <3 Thank you!) Title inspired from 'Blue and Grey' by BTS.

___

Damian has been insufferable for the past few days.

.. Well, more than he usually is.

He’s been refusing to do anything, no matter how nice they’ve asked him. He’s barely tolerable during meals and he would get into fits whenever he was denied something, retaliating in a way that even Bruce wasn’t sure what to do with him.

Tim could tell that everybody was on their wits end with his behavior. That plus the stress of their nightlife- He was surprised that there weren't any fights breaking amongst themselves.

When Tim entered the fold, he was used to the quiet tensions and animosity between Bruce and Dick. In the beginning, they would snap at each other constantly, sometimes evolving to screaming matches. It happened a lot while Tim was in the middle of solving a case, trying to drown out their shouts before he would find himself being guided away by Alfred’s hand.

(It wasn’t lost on anyone, especially him, that lots of it has to do with his predecessor. Tim almost never asks about Jason, no matter how badly he wanted to.)

Now, things are.. different. The tensions are still there, but their focus has shifted to the sudden arrival of an eight-year-old named Damian. A boy that is actually Bruce’s son by blood, and even that fact couldn’t compare to the shock when learning the other half of his lineage.

The Bats once again found themselves adapting, changing and just living with another variable in their lives. One of the most noticeable change was how Bruce and Dick became more tolerant of each other, talking long enough to get things done. And just- talking, Tim realized.

Damian must’ve been their wake-up call. They just couldn’t let themselves be stuck in this endless cycle of recriminations. They had to be better for their own sakes- and others.

Tim mentally notes all of this as he watches Dick duck from a stuffed cat aimed at his head.

He must’ve been trying to coax Damian out of his room while Tim was at school. The preteen tried to quietly slip by him, wanting nothing more than to review cases in the confines of his room. But, Dick quickly notices him before a relieved and quite desperate look plasters his face.

“Oh look, Timmy is home!”

Tim shot him a dirty look. It was met with Dick’s apologetic one, but he didn’t have time to berate the older man before he felt the force of an eight-year-old slamming into his side.

“Drake!” And with the way the boy looked at him with such adoration, anybody would have forgotten how much of a brat he was.

Reluctantly, he rested a hand onto the boy’s head. Damian leaned into the touch, his arms encircling Tim’s waist as he hugged him tight. It’s befuddling that the kid hugging him is the same one who’s been throwing fits and tantrums every hour of the day.

It’s times like these that makes Tim question the relationship between them. He hasn’t done anything to earn the boy’s trust- if anything, the others had spent more time and effort in their attempts, only to receive a crumb of attention compared to Tim’s.

It’s because of Robin.

But Tim wasn’t really Robin. He was just this random kid who was too stubborn to be turned away for his own good. A kid who took up the Robin suit because Batman needs Robin. And when nobody else was up for it, he decided to fill in the role until somebody better comes along. So, no, he’s not Robin- just a temporary one attempting to make up the hole that Jason left.

But this kid can’t stop looking at him as if he was his whole world. And Tim doesn’t know what to do with that. And you would think he would’ve at this point because he can’t remember the last time he even had a day all to himself. The boy follows him everywhere. Damian would intrude in his space, one way or another.

“Hey Squirt,” He says, because if he has to endure Dick’s nicknames, then Tim should be granted some of his own. “Looks like you’ve been giving Dick and the others a hard time.”

Damian just huffs. Judging by the tired look in Dick’s eyes (And Alfred’s gradual, constant need to shine the silverware), Tim already knows the answer.

The younger boy releases him for a moment, raising his arms upwards. “I demand to be carried.”

Tim raised a brow and did nothing.

Damian frowns. It took a moment before he figured it out and added, “.. Please.”

He made grabby hand gestures for emphasis.

Tim had to stifle his laughter behind a cough. The look of awe and disbelief on Dick’s face was the epitome of feeling cheated. He can’t blame him because, really, Tim seems to be the only one who could get this close to Damian.

He slid off his backpack first, tossing it towards Dick. He bent down a bit, sliding his arms under Damian’s. Once he had a good grip, it took little effort in hoisting him up. The boy wrapped his arms around Tim’s shoulders, letting his entire weight lean against him.

The teen placed one arm beneath his legs and the other against his back. Once he felt like he had Damian secured, he turned to look at the oldest amongst them.

Dick already had the phone out to sneak some pics, of course.

Tim gave him an unamused look before asking, “Where’s Bruce?”

“He left earlier for Wayne Enterprises,” Dick grimaces. “Lucius was very persuasive in making him come back in person.”

“Ah.”

Tim has met Lucius Fox on a few occasions. He learned firsthand just how amazing and intuitive the man can be, always handing tasks and projects in a timely manner. He could understand why Bruce could entrust him with everything within his company.

Bruce has been taking some time off due to.. recent circumstances. But he could only leave his company alone for so long, and it wouldn’t be fair to let Lucius continuously bear the work alone.

Maybe that is why Dick was still here in the manor. Tim was used to only seeing him during the weekends because that’s when they’re mostly free. There’s also the fact that Dick would have to drive back and forth from Bludhaven whenever he visits, so seeing him was usually a weekly thing.

Tim peered down at the mop of dark brown hair resting against his neck.

So many changes that they’ll have to adapt to.

“I want to go over case files with you,” Damian said, cutting into the conversation. “You need Batman’s input for them.”

It’s one of the things that Damian loves to do with him. It’s the closest he’ll get to partaking in their vigilantism while also indulging the title of ‘Batman’. Though, it usually ends up with Tim having to explain things to Damian than him actually getting input, but it was gratifying all the same.

Tim was about to comply because that was what he wanted to do anyway, but Dick caught his eye. He was taking huge bites while his hand seemed to scoop into nothing but air. When all he got was a confused (and mildly concerned) look, Dick mouths it out.

He hasn’t eaten all day, Dick says.

Oh.

No wonder Dick seemed stressed out. Damian had also skipped dinner last night in retaliation. The boy is already irritable as is- being hungry on top of that isn’t ideal for anyone.

Tim rolled his eyes at the exaggerated charade. He wondered why Dick didn’t bother with lip-reading first, but he went along with it as he peers back down at the kid in his arms.

“Sure, Damian, but how about we go get some lunch first?”

“I don’t want to eat,” he replied. “I want to solve cases!”

“I know, but I’m pretty hungry. Batman can’t have his Robin not be in tip-top shape, right?”

Damian let his words sink in for a bit.

“.. I suppose not. It would be terrible if you miss an important detail because of it,” He tutted. “But I get to choose what we eat. You’re probably not eating properly, which is unacceptable. I’ll have to go over future meal plans with Pennyworth.”

Oops. Tim wasn’t sure about Alfred receiving criticism on his food, but maybe he’ll let it slide for Damian?

“Sounds good to me.” Tim added a pat on his back for reassurance. “I’m about to go down the stairs, so make sure to hang on tight.”

“I’m not that simple-minded, Drake,” Damian says, but did as he was told anyway.

Good. That’s one out of the many hurdles out of the way.

Just as Tim reaches the stairs, he turns to look back towards the first Robin. “Coming?”

Dick’s face lit up a bit. “That would be great!”

It has been a while since Dick sat down and had a leisure meal with Tim. Things have been hectic these past few days as he juggled between cases in Bludhaven and the ones here in Gotham. There were also the matters of his job as an officer, and he was lucky that he could have a bit more time off than Bruce did.

But, then he eyed Damian’s face. He could see how he held onto Tim tighter after hearing his answer.

He pursed his lips. “On second thought- I think I’ll eat later. I’ll join you guys for dinner, okay?”

Damian relaxed a bit after that.

“Alright.” Tim sighed, not missing the reason why Dick’s changed his mind. He began to descend the stairs with Damian in tow.

Tim really thought that out of all of them, Dick would be the first Damian would open up to. For one, it’s Dick that Tim feels the closest to, and well, it’s Dick. Anybody could tell you that it’s harder to not befriend the guy than trying. He’s also a well-liked and respectable leader in the hero community. He leads the Titans, protects his own city, was the first Robin and-

Out of nowhere, Dick blew raspberries towards them.

Tim has never turned so fast with the look of bewilderment etched on his face. “Did you really just-”

But nothing prepared him for the moment when Damian blew a raspberry back.

Tim could tell he put his all into that one just from the way the spittle flew by his ear. “Ugh, gross, Damian!”

“He started it!”

Tim didn’t pay no mind, already running down the steps because ew, ew, ew- there’s spit on his face! As he drifted further away, howls of laughter could be heard from on top of the stairs.

He’s gonna kill Dick.

When Tim reaches the bottom floor, he sees Alfred tending to one of the vases at the entrance. “Why, Master Tim, I see you’ve returned with-”

“Ew, can’t talk Alfred, ew, ew, ew!”

“Drake, you shouldn’t show weakness so easily! What would’ve happened if this happened with a foe?"

“They wouldn’t have spit at me," Tim's face then morph into the look of horror. "Nooo, you've made me imagined it! Aughh, gross, gross!”

The butler watches as their youngest duo race towards the kitchen, bickering all the way. With a raised brow, he turned his gaze towards the top of the stairs. There, he spots their eldest doubling over on himself, not caring about the mayhem he caused.

Alfred let out a bemused sigh. He picks up the feather duster and continues his work.

It’s slow progress, but maybe this family could have a decent meal together someday soon.

[serene-victory-77]

Why The Crows Being Teenagers Is Actually Perfectly Realistic

There’s a TL;DR are the end because wow I like to rant.

I lightly discuss the general situations they’re all in to explore how they are frighteningly mature and competent, but it’s not particularly depressing or descriptive, it’s definitely lighter than the books

I thought about this post with a joke first: “People who think that Six of Crows is unrealistic because they’re so young clearly have not spent much time with traumatized honors students.”

It’s a bit of an exaggeration, but the point stands.

But I decided that, hm, actually, I could make a point about this. I totally agree with the aging up of the characters in the Shadow and Bone show, but when people straight up say that the books are wrong or unrealistic for having a young crew, I get annoyed, and here’s why (other than me reading the books for the first time when I was 13 and thinking ‘Huh okay, I see it’ and now being lowkey offended when people say they ignore it for being unrealistic):

On Inej

- At first I thought Inej’s wisdom and general demeanor was one of the most unrealistic things in the book

- When I thought about it longer, I was like “Actually, she’s 16, right? I’ve sent some of the most lyrical philosophy trying to help my friends while in high school. My friends have done the same. It’s valid.”

- Frankly, teenagers love hard-hitting philosophical truths. They love repeating what they’ve read or heard in movies and in books and from family stories. They love sharing little bits of wisdom they have come up with

- Inej’s ability to hear and understand philosophy and wisdom that she was surrounded by for 14 straight years and then sit on it and elaborate it for her friends to understand, or even just to piss them off in Kaz’s case? 

- Teenagers have that. They do it. So, Inej’s Wisdom passes, to me. It’s valid. 

As for her being calm

- You know how everyone jokes that Kaz seems calm on the outside but when you get to his POV he’s like “What the fuck” at the Van Eck house or just straight up “Huh, is this revenge for making tree jokes” at the Djel River thingy in the Ice Court?

- Inej is like that, too. And she gets angry, and she gets confused, or exhausted.

- AKA every quiet kid ever. Like, are you kidding? Have you ever been in a situation in which it’s literally chaos all around you, people are screaming and things are being destroyed (think middle school classroom with bitchy long term substitute and even worse students), and you’re just, calm? You pick up your things, you do what you need to do?

- That’s Inej. Like, what else is she gonna do? She’s smart enough to know that panicking won’t help anyone, and so she just rides it out. Internally she might be like “Why is this happening” but frankly, her being quiet and controlled in most situations is probably a coping mechanism and I respect that

- Pretty sure this is also based on the fact that the Suli have no land for their own and constantly have to keep moving. It might align with generational trauma, I’m sure someone could explain it better than me, but being able to keep your cool while constantly having to change and adapt to new situations, in, say, a country with hellfire politics and no land to call your own? Seems like a hereditary trait that could be useful in Ketterdam, although it’s sad.

On Inej’s abilities

- Simone Biles started training when she was 6 and went to the World Artistic Gymnastics Championships when she was 16, where she qualified in all the events. 

- There are videos of people walking over tightropes as young as three years old. We know Inej didn’t start that young, but not only was she naturally talented at it, but she spent a lot of time practicing. I think it’s valid. Plus, some of her family members do some pretty crazy things in her flashbacks, because that’s the whole point of what they do. 

- Youngest person to beat American Ninja Warrior was 16 year old Vance Walker

- Inej has a variety of of tools that help her wall climb, and while it’s true that she started young and got good really fast, she already had a history of physical work that would help her, and from what we can gleam from the book, a surprising amount of free time in which she was actively encouraged to learn everything she could. 

So that’s Inej! I think her skills are perfectly possible for someone with her history and situation. It’s true that she’s naturally skilled, but that’s not actually all that unusual. And her demeanor and wisdom do fit in with what a lot of teenagers are like and the circumstances she was brought up in

Onto Kaz!

- One thing I hear about is that Kaz is too smart for not having gone to school and also too young to know all that he does

- Do you all KNOW how many self-taught people there have been in this world? The word for people who are self-taught is autodidacts, and honestly a huge amount of famous people apply. Like many, many other people in history (there’s a whole list of them in Wikipedia), he had an vested interest in a field and he learned all he could. Sure, those fields were magic tricks and math, but still.

- Suddenly I have a lot of thoughts

- Okay, think, hyperfixations. That’s essentially what Kaz’s thing with magic tricks was, right? Have any of you ever spent time with an eight year old that clearly really, really loves dinosaurs? Those kids can spout names and facts and identify them by their skeletons and frankly know more than I ever will. Kaz’s was magic tricks. All kids are special.

- Kaz continued working on magic tricks and practicing them for years, so, I think that gets a pass. 

- As for the math! Look, a Fact Of Life is that some kids are just Like That, whether it be possibly from neurodivergence or other factors:

- Flo and Kay Lyman are twins with Autism who basically have the calendar of EVER memorized. Kaz memorizing card decks is sensible, and these ladies don’t need to look up anything to figure it out, so Kaz doing sums inside his head seems plausible. His “photographic memory’ isn’t impossible, although the term itself might be incorrect.

- Katherine Johnson who worked at NASA (yes, the lady from Hidden Figures), was so good at math that she was in high school by age 10 and went to college at age 15. It’s true that she had some teaching, but 1. There’s no evidence Kaz had absolutely no schooling, even if it was just at home with books and 2. Kaz was 9 when he came to Ketterdam, and after Jordie died, when he wasn’t surviving, he was learning. 

- Human calculator is a term that is applied to children a lot and there’s definitely plenty of videos showing how smart these kids are and them doing mental math easily, which he does in the books

- He had a LOT of pressure on him to figure out all he could, and if he wanted to move forward, he was going to have to learn a lot. He spent hours practicing magic tricks, for all we know he spent hours practicing math too. We know Jordie was a bit of a bookworm too, so Kaz from a young age probably already had a reason to learn. Personally, a lot of my love for books was inspired by my older sibling when I was younger

- Young people are adaptable. Kaz is incredibly adaptable. The term prodigy exists because of people like him through history. 

- As for him being rational, there’s no other way to survive. Some of the greatest soldiers in history have been very, very young, and very, very smart. It’s true tacticians are generally considered to be older, but that doesn’t mean there haven’t been very young ones. 

- A lot of the generals I found were like, 19 years old, but Kaz is 1. not a general and 2. in a place where young people take up the mantle really, really quickly, and frankly it’s been like that for a long time. I still think this passes. This isn’t relevant but William the Conqueror was apparently called “The Bastard”?

- Frankly, underground communities of thieves probably don’t go around publishing their escapades so to me it makes sense that I can’t just look up “famous young thieves” and get anything that makes sense, but I did try

- Y’all I tried to do research on youngest escape artists since I think Kaz qualifies and I found myself in what I think is a magicians forum? It’s from 2002-ish and I feel like I’ve just found a relic. I can’t definitely prove they’re all saying the truth, but some of the people there talk about 10-11 year olds at magic camps, so, it’s not impossible for this to be a skill Kaz learned really young, particularly when he made a habit of following around magicians

- I think he passes the realism check overall

For the other Crows:

- Nina being so proficiently multilingual makes sense to me, because she’s been in the Little Palace almost her entire life with all the best teachers they could afford at her disposal. Some people just click with languages. One such would be Timothy Doner, who spoke 23 languages at 16. 

- Nina is a child soldier. She of course can handle the battlefield, although I imagine there’s a degree of trauma that she has to deal with (although it’s true that most of her work was always meant to angle her towards being a spy).

- Jesper was taught to shoot from a young age by Aditi, who was likely incredibly proficient. Plus, there’s mentions of him and his father being on some sort of frontier at one point in the books, so, it’s likely that Jesper got his fair share of ‘being a child soldier” since he would’ve been 15 or younger. Plus, with being a Fabrikator, he gets a leg up

- Jesper’s smart y’all, he just also likes to have fun

- I am a little terrified by the fact that I looked up ‘youngest sharpshooter’ and found out about a 9 year old girl (Addysson “Addy” Soltau) who can indeed shoot guns, but uh, it does prove my point

- Matthias... I haven’t heard anyone really argue about Matthias. He’s the oldest at 18 and again, he’s essentially a religious child soldier. Of course he would be built af and know how to handle himself in a fight, and in a flashback about meeting Trassel, we’re told that he was actually distanced from the other boys and was the biggest and strongest/smartest of the group. Perhaps not compared to Kaz, but still

- We know how Wylan ended up how he is, so I don’t think i have to defend how he’s both a musical prodigy, good at math, and good at chemistry. Plenty of kids who can’t do one thing will immediately gravitate to a different field (think AP math students who can’t write essays, or those kids who could analyse a book and it’s metaphors in class but didn’t understand geometry).

- Granted he took it far but it’s kinda implied that  his father ignored him eventually and what else was Wylan going to do

- I don’t really know how he did chemistry while not being able to read the symbols and stuff, but that’s likely because I’ve never had to learn the way he did and also I really suck at Chemistry, but I refuse to believe that it invalidates his capabilities

Final Thoughts:

- They’re Traumatized Honors Students

- People might say that “it’s unrealistic that all the smart ones somehow ended up together” but again they’re traumatized honors students and those gravitate to each other

- Of course the smart ones ended up together, they’re the ones in those crazy situations precisely because they are prodigies. Nina wouldn’t have met Matthias if she wasn’t skilled and a spy, Kaz wouldn’t have known Inej if she hadn’t been skilled at silence (I can’t explain that one but uh ninjas did/do exist and it IS still a fantasy world). Kaz would have never been a leader of the Dregs in a position to find Jesper if he hadn’t been so determined to rise to the top, and Jesper wouldn’t have been in Ketterdam if his father hadn’t thought that Jesper was smart enough to get that chance.

- You know how those fringe revolutionary artists for new eras end up knowing all knowing each other and even hanging out? That’s them.

- I have decided there is a strong basis for Autistic Kaz, someone who is more studied than me should feel free to explore this.

- I read this book a few years ago, A Long Way Gone by Ishmael Beah. It’s about this guy’s experiences as a boy soldier and it’s a painful read so I’m not sure I recommend it as a casual read, but he talked about these young kids being able to actually make competent military strategies and handle warfare. It’s an extreme example of what I’m trying to explain when it comes to them being able to handle the brutality of their situation, but it’s true, essentially

- They are definitely serious, but if you think they’re not teenagers I just, disagree so much. They have moments of lighthearted banter, they make light of their situation, they try to support each other Nina covers it so well in her farewell at the end of Crooked Kingdom: The little rescues of laughing at each others jokes or eating together and just supporting each other, is not only a very human thing, but a very teenager thing. 

- Scary experiences that shape us happen all the time, and although for most it’s not the things that the Crows experience, picking each other up is a big part of why they do read as teenagers to me. I’ve seen kids be able to seriously converse about things like being questioned by the police, or being left to their own devices for days at a time, or the general impending doom they all feel, and it’s dark, but they’re also going to joke about silly puns 20 minutes later. 

- Teenagers aren’t exempt from terrifying maturity and competence

- Finally: Despite all I said, it’s a fantasy story and doesn’t have to be realistic

In the end, everyone can believe what they want to believe, but this is my case for my opinion.

TL;DR The Crows are all prodigies and a lot of their achievements and capabilities are based in reality and there are real people who actually achieved things like what they’ve done. Messed up prodigies gravitate to messed up prodigies, hence how they all end up together. When it comes to their mental state, most of them have been brought up their entire lives in situations that required for them to problem solve and keep their cool even when things are going to hell.

[pasteleclectic]

🔥Playing With Fire🔥 (unfinished) Part 7 of the Permission series

Authors Notes: So ☹️ Between school work and recovering from surgery I didn’t have time to finish this Halloween wip that was supposed to be part 7 of the Permission series. It’s unfinished and doesn’t have any smut but if any of you are interested, I think the build up is still really fun🖤 You can find the full series on my ao3

WC: 3.5k

Tags: domestic au, established relationship, fluff & smut, Halloween themed, costumes, trick or treating, dirty talk, tempurature play (of the fire variety)

18+ only, minors & ageless don’t interact

✦✦✦ ✦✦✦ ✦✦✦ ✦✦✦ ✦✦✦ ✦✦✦ ✦✦✦ ✦✦✦ ✦✦✦ ✦✦✦

Much of your life changed after you and Sukuna worked together to forfeit his fingers. The two of you still owned the little white house where your family was created, but that was no longer where you resided. You both agreed to try to visit it at least once a year, but the house you were living in now made it much easier to adapt to domestic life. Or as domestic as one could get when you’re married to the king of curses. It was an adjustment but now it was just you, him, Kiseki and the female curse who’s been around almost since the start. It was a bit of an odd dynamic, but one that you wouldn’t trade for the world.

It was this very dynamic that probably led to your costume choice for this year, Morticia Addams. Since Kiseki had just started learning how to walk, he was still too young to take out for trick or treating. But you weren’t going to miss out on an opportunity to dress him up in a little costume, even if the two of you were just going to be handing out candy to the neighboring kids all night. You weren’t expecting to dress up at all, but while shopping for candy one day, you stumbled upon the cutest little Cousin Itt costume that was the perfect size for your precious one. It was hilariously cute and you were looking forward to the look on Sukuna’s face when he saw it. Considering how adverse he was to a simple brownie for Valentines day earlier this year, you figured this would push his buttons even more. And what was it that Morticia said? ‘Don’t torture yourself, Gomez. That’s my job.’ It was only fitting.

So you quickly snatched up the costume and a few extra bags of candy, the halloween spirit flowing through your veins. You spent the rest of the little free time you had that afternoon ordering the pieces you needed for your costume, and waited with much anticipation before the big day. You kept everything under wraps from Sukuna, wanting it to be a surprise. Aaand so there’s no time for him to force you to change the baby’s costume.

Hiding anything from Sukuna was usually next to impossible, but these days proved to be easier due to the condition he was in. He wouldn’t admit it, but his transition from his true form had taken a toll on him. Holding such immense power and cursed energy for as long as he did, it was no surprise that now that his 20 fingers had been casted away that he would be in a weakened state. But this was the king of curses you were talking about, and if kings were anything they were prideful. You weren’t there to personally witness it, but he described his transformation back to the form you met him in to be instantaneous but grueling. And for him to admit to any type of pain was quite the feat.

It had taken a lot of convincing on your part, but you had finally gotten Sukuna to stay on bedrest for longer than a few hours. It was nice of him to wait till after you were all unpacked and settled into the new house to get some rest, but during nearly the entire process of the move you were constantly worried about him overexerting himself. It pissed him off to see you pity him in any kind of way, and he was quick to squash your doubts by doing something rash like hauling you over his shoulder. He even threatened to throw you across the yard when you asked if you could carry a box for him. In front of your new neighbors.

For a little over a week now Sukuna has slept all through the night and most of the day, and was plagued with constant headaches. Him being cooped up in your shared bedroom all day did make it lonely around the house lately, but you knew it was only temporary. You had to remind yourself that there would be plenty of holidays you’ll share with him and your son.

On Halloween night, you were finishing up the last touches to your costume in the downstairs bathroom, hoping to not somehow tip off Sukuna by the smell of your long black wig or your blood red lipstick that something was up. The dress you ordered did technically fit, but you didn’t take into account your breast size when shopping, which varied due to breastfeeding. Even though it wasn’t that long ago, you still reminisced on the days when your boobs were your own and didn’t carry the responsibility of childcare with them. Nowadays they only ever felt sore, heavy, leaking or a combination of all three. You had fed Kiseki a few hours ago, but already you could tell that they were beginning to swell. But trick or treaters would be arriving any minute now and there was no way you were getting to let your stupid milkbags get in the way of your holiday spirit, no matter how much they popped out from the low cut of your slinky black dress.

Once everything was in place, you went out into the living room to fetch Kiseki, who stood like a perfect gentleman as your other curse companion gently brushing out the hairs to his costume. He made for the cutest little Cousin Itt, with sunglasses and a tiny hat to complete the look. You thanked the curse before offering your hand to your son to lead him upstairs where his father was. You wrapped your knuckles on the door before opening it and found your husband sitting up in bed, shirtless with his arms resting on either side of him. It freaked you out sometimes that he could actually sleep like that, but he soon opened his eyes when the door closed behind you. Kiseki followed your lead as you walked towards the bed, your back slightly hunched over to make up for the height difference. It caused some of your cleavage to spill from your dress, which you could see Sukuna ogling with a mostly blank expression. That wasn’t where you needed his focus to be, and you stood behind your son to bring the attention back to him.

“Show daddy your costume,” you said excitedly as you let go of his little hand. You stood close by in case he fell, but was surprised by how well balanced he was as he made uneven steps towards the bed. When he got close enough, Sukuna picked him up rather abruptly and held the boy by his pits at arms length, eyeing the costume with a hardened look.

“What is this abomination?” Sukuna said as he turned Kiseki from side to side as if examining a pet for dirt. The boy giggled as he kicked his feet above his fathers lap, ignorant to the question. It was a good thing no one’s taught him what ‘abomination’ meant yet.

“He’s supposed to be Cousin Itt. From the Addams family,” you finished that with two snaps of your finger tips, the reference completely lost on him. You were hoping to watch the movies with him before he’d seen the costume, but his condition made his already low tolerance for television basically nonexistent.

Setting the boy down on his lap, he looked you up and down before saying, “And why are you dressed like a whore?”

Your jaw dropped as you looked between him and the boy. With your hands balling into fists on either side, you said defensively, “Watch yourself. I’m dressed as Morticia Addams. She’s the mother of the family, for your information.”

His lips turned up at the corners, eyes traveling down as he said, “Hm, fitting I guess.”

Before you could say anything else, a small voice asked, “Whore?”

Both of the boy's parents' eyes widened, but wore completely different expressions. He sat on his dad's lap, completely oblivious as he looked between the two of you waiting for an answer. This really couldn’t have gone any worse, and lucky for Sukuna the doorbell rang before you could think of what to do. Scooping up the boy in your arms, you made your way out the room, but not before shooting Sukuna a death glare over your shoulder. As you made your way down the steps, your son tugged on a lock of your wig, looking up at you with the most innocent eyes as he said, “What’s a whore?”

“Let’s practice saying ‘trick or treat’, okay?” you said, giving him an animated grin to mask your mortification.

—

Luckily, the rest of the evening was going just as planned. Between visits from the trick or treaters, the three of you (as in you, Kiseki, and the female curse) were curled up on the couch watching classical kids halloween movies. Your biggest stress currently was trying to monitor your son’s candy intake since his costume allowed him to sneak it so easily. You’d find balled up wrappers falling from beneath the curtain of hair whenever he stood up to greet someone at the door. Still, you were having a blast. Nearly everyone who showed up at your doorstep raved about your son's costumes. You knew you were biased, but you felt that he was definitely the best dressed of the night.

This night served as good practice for his walking, but when it was getting later in the evening and the trick or treaters were dwindling down, there was a moment when he almost tripped on himself while trying to hand out candy. You immediately squatted down to wrap a protective arm around him, and placed the candy bowl down on the ground in front of the kids.

“You okay, buddy?” you asked your son, who’s covered head nodded beneath the costume. Addressing the people at the door, you said, “Go ahead and take as much as you want. That’s all we have left.”

“What do you say, kids?” came an adult male voice. As several tiny voices of ‘thank you!’ rang out, you looked up to meet the eyes of what you had to presume was the father of at least one of these kids. You gave him a friendly smile, the sounds of crinkling wrappers ringing out as the kids fought for the last pieces of candy left.

“Those are some cool costumes you got there,” the man said with a raise of his brow. It was topical, but came out kind of forced based on his tone and the sweat of his brow. Grabbing the now empty bowl, you stood up as the children started to walk past the man. You figured he would follow, but instead he stood rather stiffly with his hands in his pockets as he said, “You’re smart for choosing to stay in. My feet are killing me right now.”

“Oh, it’s just because the little man isn’t used to being on two feet yet. I’m sure I’ll be in your spot by next year,” you said, your arms wrapping around the bowl. His eyes shot down to it - or at least that’s where you thought they went- before meeting your eyes again.

Just when you were about to tell him goodnight, he said, “Yeah, I’m out here with my daughter and some of her friends and their parents. Maybe next year we could all be a trick or treat squad, y’know?”

“Uhm..”

You weren’t sure how to answer that. He seemed nice enough, but your motherly instincts wouldn’t allow you to trust your son around a stranger, no matter how harmless the offer was. You figured you could ask about his kid to steer the conversation elsewhere while also getting more insight on him, but just as you were about to speak, he quickly said, “Or m-maybe not. Sorry I asked, goodnight!”

The man stormed off your lawn, catching up with his group that were already half way down the block by now. Before you turned around, you could already sense the reason for the man’s sudden change in demeanor standing behind you.

Sukuna stood tall before you, red eyes nearly glowing in the dimly lit entryway as he kept watch of the man. Without looking back, you closed the door behind you to say, “Could you not scare the neighbors, please?”

He was about to say something, but looked to see Kiseki staring up at the both of you. Giving you a look that said ‘wait,’ he bent down to be at eye level with his son to say, “I don’t know what you’ve done with my boy, but he better be in his bed by the time I get there. Got it?”

One of his little arms shot out from the side to give a salute above the brim of his glasses before he hobbled away. You called out to him telling him he needs to brush his teeth extra well before bed, and luckily the female curse followed right behind him. As they both entered the bathroom down the hall, you turned your attention back to your husband, who was now standing directly in front of you. You’ve gotten used to his lack of personal space, but was still caught off guard when his hand circled your waist to press you close against him. Sneering down at you, he said, “I’m only scaring the ones that want to fuck my wife.”

Looking down the hall to check that the coast was clear, you gently knocked a hand against his chest as you said, “You’re being ridiculous, you know that?”

“Am I?” he asked, emphasizing his point by pulling you in closer so your breasts were squeezed up against him. You hadn’t realized till then how apparent they were by now, seeing as it's been hours since you last pumped. Sukuna’s lips grazed the high of your cheekbone as he said, “You’re the one who’s had their tits out for the whole neighborhood to see.”

“Not on purpose!” you said, flushing with embarrassment just thinking about how long you’ve looked like this.

“I’ll allow it this one time, but only because you look so fucking hot,” he said, his hips pressing into yours as the hand that was sitting low at your waist slid down to squeeze your ass.

“Sukuna..,” you said in a low, flustered tone just as you saw your son exit the bathroom. You pushed away from his embrace just in time to hear him say, “I’m going to put the pest to bed. I’ll meet you upstairs.”

In a haze from his words, your response came delayed when you said, “You mean our son?”

—

You only stood around for about a minute when Sukuna came through the door, shutting it behind him while never tearing his eyes off you. The two of you haven’t been too physical since the start of his recovery, so you were eager for whatever he was willing to offer. You knew flat out asking would cause him to throw another hissy fit, so instead you followed his lead as he gripped your upper arms tightly and pulled you into a kiss. It was rough and needy, and you had to grip onto his pecks to balance yourself from the dizzying feeling he was always able to pull from you. Leaning in closer to him, your fingers naturally grazed down his chest. You weren’t using any pressure, but somehow the feeling of your nails going down his nipples caused him to let out a sharp noise. You pulled back immediately to ask if he was okay, seeing smears of your red lipstick across his lips.

“I’m fine, it's just..,” Sukuna must’ve been so foreign to this feeling that even he couldn’t comprehend it, but soon he said, “I think I actually felt pain just now. Not a lot but… certainly more than I ever had before.”

You couldn’t hold back your worry then, and asked him a flurry of questions before he grabbed your wrists and said, “It wasn’t much. You certainly could never hurt me.”

You knew he was just joking it off, but he also seemed genuine. With a huff, you said, “Be careful what you say. I could take advantage of you in your weakened state.”

“You should,” he said with a fire in his eyes. It caught you off guard and you couldn’t help but to nervously ask, “Are you sure?”

“If I said it, then I’m sure,” he said in an irritated voice as his sharp teeth showed. He was being awfully short tempered for someone who was asking to be dominated, and you purse your lips as you gazed up at him through narrowed eyes.

“Fine. Lay down on the floor.”

You pushed off of his chest after that, knowing his eyes were trailing you as you walked to the opposite side of the room. You weren’t sure exactly what you had in mind, but busied yourself by searching the dresser drawer as Sukuna lowered himself to the ground. He has never outwardly asked you to play the dominant role before. It was something you silently anticipated even though it scared the hell out of you. Being bratty with him was easy, like a game you two could pick up on at any time. But being the one in control of such a force as Sukuna… It was admittedly enthralling and terrifying.

“If you’re trying to bore me to sleep, it’s working,” said a voice from somewhere behind you. You rolled your eyes just when your fingers landed on a small cardboard box tucked in the corner of the drawer. You had nearly forgotten you owned a box of matches. You bought them for the brief time period you didn’t own an electric lighter for your candles, and figured you’d keep them in case of a power outage. But now a darker idea was swimming through your head, and you quickly grabbed them and held it close to your middle.

“Lighting candles to set the mood? How cute,” Sukuna looked up at you with a raised brow, his hands tucked under his head.

“Not quite,” you said with a poorly hidden smirk. You grabbed a single match from the box and shut it, running the tip of the matchstick over the textured side. It made a small sound as it lit above your fingertips. Holding it up for dramatic effect, you said, “You have some apologizing to do.”

“For what?” he lifted his head, brows furrowed as he looked at your stern face. Rolling his eyes, he said, “How many times do I have to tell you, he’s not going to remember-”

He let out a sharp hiss in surprise when the tiny flame made contact with his bare abdomen. As he brushed it off himself, he looked up at you in mild bewilderment, more so for having the gall to go through with it. You wanted to feel guilty for what you had done, but the sly smirk that crept over his face told you that you didn’t need to be. Standing up a little straighter, you looked down at him from your chin as you said, “That’s not an apology.”

Sukuna casually picked up the match, which only left behind a faintly rosy mark that was healing itself quicker than it came. You watched as he put the still smoldering tip to his tongue before saying, “What are you gonna do about it? Burn me at the stake, witch?”

“That’s too good for you,” you said as you lit another match, already feeling the enthralling anticipation that hung in the air. You twisted it in your fingertips while saying, “But it’s tempting.”

“You’re getting so worked up over a word,” he said while tucking his hands back under his head, clearly making himself comfortable. As his hips momentarily raised in the air, you noticed the tent in his pants. You still practiced caution when you did it, but you couldn’t resist stepping in between his legs before bringing a foot down on his crotch. You ran it gently over his bulge as you gave him a heated look.

“What are you getting worked up over?”

He rolled his hips up to meet the flat of your foot. It took you slightly off balance and before you could think, he was pulling you down on top of him. The match you held simmered out on the floor beside him as your hand went over his chest. You were straddling his lap now, and with your dress riding up to your hips, you could feel his bulge pressing up against you. It was embarrassing how whipped you were for his cock, but you could already feel the heat forming in your core at the prospect of where things would go.

“I know you’re going easy on me,” he said, propping himself up on one arm as he wrapped the other around your waist, practically pushing his face into your chest. Smiling against your cleavage, he said, “If you’re gonna do something, at least make it count.”

[feathersandthorns]

SGE Movie Thoughts

I've been avoiding tumblr since Wednesday morning to avoid spoilers, but I finally finished the movie! Now I'm not a movie critic or even a huge contributor to this fandom other than an occasional crappy fanfic, but I thought I'd share some thoughts before looking at anyone else's, starting with some positives.

I must admit that despite being hyped for the movie to come out, I was fully prepared to be disappointed. I've seen some terrible adaptations in the past (specifically the Percy Jackson one but there are others), and paired with the constant negative comments I was seeing, I was hopeful but skeptical. But in a lot of ways, I was pleasantly surprised. The visuals were absolutely AMAZING, from the attention to detail in the costumes and makeup to the CGI of the mythical creatures. The humor and cheesiness from the book was definitely portrayed well, but not overdone. I also feel like all of the characters, even ones who were more of background characters in the movie, really embodied their characters in the way they talked and acted, but also in their general presence. Sophie was dramatic and vain, Agatha was sarcastic and obsessively wanted to find Sophie and get home near the beginning (I'll take a step further and say that I enjoyed her character arc a little bit more in the movie as it was kind of convoluted in its message in the book), Tedros was egotistical for show but was actually just trying to find someone genuine in the hellhole that is the school for good... And I could continue. Overall, despite a couple of plot changes, the air and characters of the movie really matched the book well.

This is not to say that the movie didn't have flaws. There were two things that really bothered me about it, the first being that it was incredibly fast paced. I feel like the plot was constantly turning on its head as it tried to fit in all of the important plot points, making some character interations seem a bit forced and didn't make much sense with the character; for example, Tedros deciding to be with Sophie like a day after he had that moment with Agatha, and Hester choosing to ally with Sophie after Sophie nearly killed her a few weeks before. The explanations for these things didn't make much sense in the book, but at least there was explanations. And this issue brings me to the second one, which is more of a me problem than an actual problem with the movie. I feel like side characters like Beatrix, Kiko, and Hester didn't really get a lot of time to develop. Now this particularly stood out to me because I have the most interest in the side characters, which is why I wish they had more screen time. But in trying to fit so much plot into a 2 and 1/2 hour long movie, some good character moments were lost for the sake of moving the plot along. I really hope the movie is successful so we can possibly see more development for these characters in the second installment. I almost feel like it would have been better as a show, but that probably would've been at the cost of the awesome special effects and sets, so I suppose there are pros and cons either way.

Overall, however, I think it was executed well in many ways, and I'm excited for the second movie! (And did anyone else notice the Soman cameo in the bit before the Trial XD)

[melanielocke]

Lost in the Shadows - Epilogue

AO3

Taglist: @alastaircarstairsdefenselawyer @foxglove-airmid @alastair-esfandiyar-carstairs1 @justanormaldemon @styxdrawings @ipromiseiwillwrite @a-dream-dirty-and-bruised

Previous Chapter: Chapter 35

This is the epilogue and final chapter. While there are some loose ends and I might write a sequel one day, I have currently have no plans for one so it would take some time. As it is I'm working on a Frozen TLH story (chapter 1-3 are currently published), and one post CoI story titled "We bury the sunlight" so look out for those.

Alastair decided to move in with Jem at the end of the summer. He had managed to finish decorating his bedroom just in time for the first week of university, which he was excited about starting. He wasn’t sure why, but he’d expected Jem to be overbearing and constantly worrying about his mental health. He’d always thought that was what a psychiatrist did, he guessed, just like his father had always feared Jem would know about his alcoholism from just looking at him.

He’d learnt that wasn’t the case. Jem was a doctor, he couldn’t read minds, and although he was there for Alastair when he needed him, he was family and not his doctor, which was an important distinction. Jem gave him lots of space, and the ground rules were mainly about keeping everything clean, which was no problem. Jem also preferred it to know if someone he didn’t know was visiting, but that rarely happened since Alastair only had a few friends and the only one who hadn’t known Jem before was Kamala.

It was nice, having so much space to himself. Jem had changed a lot about the house, it didn’t look like an exact copy of the house he’d lived in when he was very young. Cordelia and his mother still lived with Risa, with him gone it fit a bit better, but they were in the process of getting the house back.

He saw Thomas regularly, and they had sleep overs once a week. Alastair had bought a new double bed for his room mainly so they could share the bed. Thomas was currently adapting to student life, but had vowed to Alastair that he would not drink any alcohol. Alastair worried that would severely limit Thomas’ social life, but secretly he was very happy Thomas would do that for him. Lucie had also decided they would all start playing DnD with her, and although Alastair still didn’t understand much of the game, they had fun. Thomas, who had been in Lucie’s previous campaign as well, had helped him with his character. Right now, the group consisted of Lucie as the story teller, or dungeon master as the game called it, and Thomas, Cordelia, Kamala, Eugenia and him as the players. Alastair played a warlock, which he felt suited him. Warlocks also got nightmares they never asked for all the time and were constantly exhausted, not to mention they made deals with otherworldly beings. Perhaps it fit a little too well.

He’d also decided to take lessons in ballroom dancing, with Kamala as his dance partner at the student dance association. He almost had something that resembled a social life, which was both very new and very weird. As it was, they both were quite good at dancing. Kamala had taken two years of dance classes too, although it had been years, and together they could figure out what they remembered and how to do it. Both had been forced by their father at the time and it was much more enjoyable now that they’d chosen to pick it up again, not to mention it was nice having a dance partner he matched well with.

Thomas was still considering starting dancing, but finding a partner who was tall enough for him would be a struggle. Alastair could follow decently and dance with Thomas, although he still noticed the height difference, but with the lack of men in dancing most teachers would rather pair Thomas with the tallest girl available.

He felt like for the first time in years, he was sort of happy? Happier than he used to be at least. He still had nightmares, flashbacks, all that, and didn’t think it was going away anytime soon. If anything, EMDR made it harder, but that was to be expected. He’d known that during EMDR he’d have to talk about everything, and although in time that would make it better, at first it just brought everything to the surface. He’d learnt not to plan anything else on days he had EMDR, except maybe cuddling with Thomas.

Although relationships were still new to him, any relationships really, he was getting more accustomed to having people around who cared about him. Not just Thomas, but Lucie and Cordelia, who had just started their last year of school and came to him for help with their math homework, Kamala and Eugenia, who he’d been spending time with at the dance studio. He often visited the Lightwoods too, and he felt welcome there. Gideon and Sophie had made a habit out of inviting him along with any family outings. He’d never felt so welcome before, it had taken some time to work through that.

‘You’re going to love my gift, I promise.’

Tomorrow was Alastair’s nineteenth birthday, and Thomas was sleeping over the night before.

‘What is it?’ Alastair asked.

‘A surprise.’

‘It was worth a try,’ Alastair said. ‘How was your visit at Matthew today?’

Alastair had spoken to Matthew once. He didn’t think the two of them would ever be good friends, but they could move past school and tolerate each other’s presence. Thomas had spent the day with him today, shopping. Matthew apparently loved clothes even more than Alastair did, and had an unusual and extravagant taste.

‘Awkward,’ Thomas said.

Alastair frowned. ‘Why was it awkward?’

‘Well, he’s the only other man I know who is interested in men and has previous, uh, experience. So I figured I’d ask what to expect and what to do. It was a very uncomfortable conversation.’

Alastair started laughing. ‘You could have just asked me.’

‘I know, but I thought it would be nicer for you if I had some idea of what I’m supposed to be doing,’ Thomas said.

Alastair put his hand in Thomas’ hair. ‘That’s sweet.’

‘From now on I’ll be asking you my questions,’ Thomas said. ‘Of course, the internet has also been helpful.’

‘As long as you know where to get your information,’ Alastair said. ‘Porn isn’t real and not a good source. But I don’t mind if there’s things you don’t know yet, because I know enough.’

They had sex for the first time that night. Alastair felt it was the right time. Of course, having sex the night before his birthday wasn’t new to him. The previous years he’d spend with Charles ever since he’d turned sixteen. It was far better with Thomas. Not because of experience or anything like that, but because Alastair felt comfortable, because he was absolutely sure he wanted it and felt like he could ask Thomas to stop if he wasn’t comfortable anymore. Thomas was a little clumsy, but Alastair didn’t mind. He would get better at it with some practice.

The next morning, they went to the Victoria and Albert museum. It was early on a week day and neither of them had classes today. Thomas had been surprised at first by how empty his schedule was but had ultimately discovered much of his free time was spent on assignments and preparing for lectures and classes. Fortunately, it did mean they could easily plan such trips on times it wouldn’t be crowded. Alastair still didn’t like crowds and didn’t think he ever would. Thomas had grown over his fear of them, but he also preferred the quiet. It was much nicer this way, taking his time to let a piece of art wash over him, undisturbed by other visitors. Thomas made the occasional comment. He’d taken art history in school and could name the different styles and put works in the context of the time period. Alastair didn’t say much in response, just nodded. He felt he didn’t have to.

Thomas had promised him his gift after coming back from the museum, and Alastair was starting to get curious. Thomas had hidden the gift somewhere in Jem’s house, so Alastair wouldn’t even be able to guess from the shape. He hadn’t bothered to look for it, but had been tempted. As much as he liked the small smile on Thomas��� lips as he said ‘not yet, mi Cielo,’ Alastair was not fond of surprises. He liked to know what to expect with a three to five workdays advance notice for anything out of the usual.

‘You’d think no one has ever given you a birthday gift before,’ Thomas said. He paused. ‘Wait, is that it? Did you not usually receive gifts?’

‘No, I did, from my mother and sometimes Cordelia.’

Charles too, Charles had had a habit of giving him expensive gifts. Or gifts he’d found among his mother’s things, he guessed. Alastair had not seen him again now that he was back in London, for which he was grateful. Gideon had spoken with Charles and told him he knew what he’d done and wasn’t welcome at his house anymore. Apparently Charles had been very angry about that, but Gideon had told Alastair he was welcome anytime and it was his responsibility to guarantee his safety. Alastair appreciated that.

‘Have you been asking them about it all this time too?’ Thomas asked.

‘No just you. But you made a big deal out of it by hiding it someplace here,’ Alastair said.

‘Alright, I guess you can open it,’ Thomas said, who left and came back to the living room carrying a very big box.

Alastair carefully opened the wrapping paper, making sure nothing tore. He wasn’t sure why exactly, but he’d always opened gifts this way, as if he intended to reuse the paper, something he’d never done.

‘I thought, with how impatient you were, you’d rip it all apart,’ Thomas said.

‘No,’ Alastair said.

‘You can rip it, it’s no problem,’ Thomas said as Alastair was struggling to get a piece of sticky tape off without damaging anything.

‘No,’ Alastair said, even more determined to get everything off properly.

Once he’d gotten it open and folded away the colorful wrapping paper, Alastair revealed something that resembled a hamster cage, but bigger. There were two floors, the top open and the bottom offering a little more darkness with a little home in there an animal could hide in. There was a wheel, several balls, and a little hedgehog plushie.

‘I know you were planning to get a pet hedgehog, so I researched what it needs. This has most things it needs to live in, you just might need to add a heat lamp because hedgehogs need a warm environment.’

‘I’d been looking into what I’d need too,’ Alastair said. ‘Jem is alright with me getting a hedgehog as long as I make sure to keep Church away from him. That shouldn’t be a problem, as I would put the hedgehog in my bedroom and Church doesn’t go there.’

‘How is Church?’ Thomas asked.

‘Usually, he is wherever I’m not. He doesn’t come into my bedroom. In the living room it can be a bit more of a struggle, as he likes to claim his space, and no matter where I sit, he gets upset because that’s the spot he wanted for himself. The only moment he tolerates me is when I’m accompanying Jem on the piano.’

Alastair had picked up playing music again after years and he tried to practice for half an hour daily. Sometimes with Thomas, singing his songs and playing more modern music. But he also played classical music with Jem, who was exceptional at the violin. Jem could probably have been a concert violinist if he hadn’t chosen to become a doctor instead.

‘Sounds like Church,’ Thomas said. ‘He won’t be a danger to your hedgehog, will he?’

‘I will keep my hedgehog in my bedroom,’ Alastair said. ‘If I make sure to keep the door closed when I’m not there, I think it’s unlikely Church will even go there. Even then there’s a cover for this hedgehog home and a little house for him to hide, and of course a hedgehog can roll into a little ball of quills. I think it’ll be fine. And my therapist thought it might be good for me to get a pet, as long as I am confident I can care for it of course. Now, can you help me think of a name? I’m not great with names.’

‘You and Cordelia have been arguing about baby names for weeks now,’ Thomas pointed out.

‘Yes, the baby should have a beautiful Persian name,’ Alastair said. ‘For pets it’s different.’

‘Or dnd characters,’ Thomas added.

‘So what if my character has my middle name?’

‘No, I like it,’ Thomas said. ‘Esfandiyar. It’s a beautiful name. For a pet I think a shorter name is better. I think your plushie hedgehog is called Mr. Prickly?’

‘I named him when I was a child,’ Alastair said. ‘I’m not naming my pet something stupid.’

‘No little pipsqueak?’ Thomas said with a grin.

Alastair rolled his eyes. ‘Absolutely not.’

***

‘You mean to say you forgot to buy Alastair a gift for his birthday?’ Lucie asked.

‘I didn’t forget,’ Cordelia said. ‘I planned to do it today, after school. How was I supposed to know I was going to get detention?’

They entered the bookstore, certain she could find something Alastair would like here.

‘Sorry I couldn’t get you out,’ Lucie said. ‘Even my dad can’t do that, but he knows it was completely unfair.’

Cordelia shrugged. ‘I finished my homework. But I’m still pissed.’

She knew teachers tended to be harsher on her, Alastair had always had the same problem, and she usually made a point to behave but she also wasn’t going to let people just walk over her girlfriend. So what if she’d gotten into a fight with a bully? He’d started it, but that’s not how the teacher who’d broken them apart saw it.

‘Alastair will understand,’ Cordelia added. ‘He was often sent to detention unfairly too. Now, which of these books do you think he’ll like?’

‘Both seem pretty good,’ Lucie said. ‘What are they about?’

‘This one’s called Malice, and is a Sleeping Beauty retelling focused on Alyce, the dark grace with powers similar to the original evil witch who cursed the princesses, and she might be the villain but she might also fall in love with Aurora. I haven’t read it, but it sounds awesome. The other is Girl, Serpent, Thorn.’

‘Oh, didn’t I lend you that one last year?’

‘Yes,’ Cordelia said. ‘It was awesome and the cover is so beautiful I wanted my own copy. I think Alastair will like it too, the world is inspired by Persian culture and the Shahnameh, which he loves, and the story is very good too.’

Girl, Serpent, Thorn was probably one of her favorite books, and Cordelia ultimately decided to buy it for herself while buying Malice for Alastair. He could always borrow the other book from her, she just wanted to reread it several times and have the gorgeous cover on display.

‘I doubt Alastair minds we’re late,’ Cordelia said. ‘He’s been spending the day with Thomas.’

Cordelia sometimes envied the amount of free time Alastair had compared to her. She hoped it would be the same once she went to university. Of course, Alastair had his memory, he only had to read everything once and he would remember forever. He could save so much time that way.

It still struck her as odd how they didn’t understand Alastair’s memory. Lucie was the way she was because her grandfather was the thief of souls. Same for Tessa, who’d gotten some of her power back after his death. Thomas had the sight because his mother did, and Kamala had healing powers because a fairy had given them to her. But no one knew why Alastair was the way he was. Cordelia knew it still frustrated him, not understanding.

‘I can’t wait until I can go to university,’ Lucie said. ‘I am so done with physics.’

‘Why did you take physics?’ Cordelia asked.

‘No clue,’ Lucie said. ‘I’ll survive another year. Then it’s English literature and creative writing.’

Cordelia wished she knew what she was going to study. Half her biology class was already working on their med school applications, but Cordelia had no clue yet. At least she couldn’t really picture herself as a doctor. Part of her still wanted to be a hero, but what if like Jem she decided to retire early? Being a hero didn’t exactly pay, and it was good to have some education. She just didn’t know what. She knew, of course, it was fine to choose wrong at first. Alastair had realized being a politician wasn’t for him, and was again starting in his first year.

‘At least Alastair promised to help me with my math homework,’ Cordelia said.

Cordelia and Lucie took the metro and arrived at Jem’s house. She’d been here frequently since the summer, and it already felt like Alastair’s house. She’d considered moving in herself too, but felt like she was still too young to move away from her mother and would rather stay for now.

Alastair and Thomas were in the living room, where an animal home was standing on the table next to a bit of neatly folded wrapping paper, not a tear in sight. Alastair had always been a little obsessive in the way he opened gifts. The wrapping paper would be thrown away, yet he always opened it with such a care and he never ripped anything.

‘Happy birthday,’ she said, hugging her brother.

He’d grown more comfortable with physical affection lately, and for Cordelia it felt like it had become easier to reach him. She’d had to get used to not living in the same house as him at first, but Alastair seemed happier here.

‘Thank you,’ Alastair said. ‘I’m officially on the waiting list for a pet hedgehog. It might take some time, but I have some of the supplies I need now. I am open to name suggestions as I have not thought of anything yet.’

‘Pipsqueak!’ Lucie called out.

‘Oddly, you’re not the first person to suggest that,’ Alastair said. ‘No, I am not naming my pet Pipsqueak.’

‘That’s because I already call Alastair that,’ Thomas said.

Alastair rolled his eyes. ‘My hedgehog will have a serious name, not something a toddler would have chosen.’

They didn’t settle on a name yet that evening. Lucie kept suggesting the kind of names Alastair meant to avoid as a joke, and Eugenia did the same when she and Kamala arrived. Kamala had a few good suggestions, and Alastair decided to look into Persian pet names.

Cordelia started feeling like things would be alright again, like things would be normal. Of course, she could never be sure. Tatiana had not turned up again, Gideon had reported her missing and so far the police had no leads. Cordelia didn’t think they’d find her, and she wondered if Tatiana would come back. There was no chance she could bring back her son, not anymore, but Cordelia feared she might want revenge. Right now, she tried not to worry. She would be prepared, yes, but she would also continue to live her life, go to school, worry about things normal girls her age should be worried about. Alastair seemed to be doing a little better as well, although she knew his EMDR days were hard. He was playing music again, and Cordelia loved to listen to him play the piano while she was here.

‘Do you want to play something?’ Cordelia asked at some point, gesturing to the piano.

‘Of course,’ Alastair said. ‘Thomas, I need your help.’

‘I didn’t bring my guitar,’ Thomas said nervously.

‘I don’t need you to play, I need you to turn the page of the sheet music. One of these days I’m going to make a copy and tape this piece together, but it’s 5 pages long.’

Cordelia would always be impressed at how fast Alastair could move his fingers over the keys. He’d tried to teach her when she was younger and she could play some simple melodies with her right hand only, but she’d never gotten the hang of playing with two hands.

‘I recognize this,’ Lucie said when Alastair was finished. ‘I think it’s in Pride and Prejudice. The one with Colin Firth.’

‘That’s possible, it’s well known. The Turkish March by Mozart,’ Alastair said. ‘I’ve been practicing this for the past week.’

‘It’s lovely,’ Cordelia said. ‘I missed hearing you play.’

‘And now you only get to listen when you’re here,’ Alastair said apologetically.

‘I’m here several days a week anyway,’ Cordelia said. ‘I’m glad you’re playing again.’

‘I forgot how much I loved it,’ Alastair said. ‘But I’m happy too. Even Church likes it when I play.’

Cordelia noticed the cat was sitting up from his spot on the couch, listening intently as Alastair started playing something else. Church might hate everyone and everything, but he loved Jem and he loved music.

Thomas continued to do his job as page turner and Cordelia could see the adoration in his eyes as he watched Alastair play. She was glad they’d been able to work it out and were still together, Alastair deserved that.

When Alastair was finished, Lucie decided to present her gift, which was a story she’d written herself in an insanely short time. Cordelia had read it and helped her edit, but the premise was that it was Frozen but with Alastair and Cordelia as the main characters.

‘I’m going to read it as soon as I have the time,’ Alastair promised. ‘This sounds brilliant.’