#Pennywaynes

[frownyalfred]

Are you ever going to post a sequel to the pennywaynes fic?

Which one? I have a few now! << very excited about this haha

[marqkace]

So kiss me once, then kiss me twice

Then kiss me once again

[reebmiester]

The Pennywaynes angst no one asked for

i dont even go here

[bruciemilf]

Protective daddy Thomas Wayne.

No thoughts, only baby Bruce riding on his papa’s shoulders, mind ice cream in his tiny hand, much to Alfred’s utter dismay. “You’re getting so big, bunny! Oh don’t look so salty. He likes it.”

“If he wakes up and likes tigers, shall we commence to that, too?”

“Siberian tigers, sure.”

“T’ger,” Bruce just started speaking and it’s the most adorable and beautiful thing he’s ever heard. Thomas can’t deny himself peppering kisses all over him, and Alfred, too.

His hair shivers.

Carmine Falcone approaches them with a sharp eye. “Thomas Wayne outside and walking. Didn’t think I’d see you. And who’s this?” He’s bad at appearing harmless. Bruce hides behind Thomas’ head, peeking at him through his eyelashes.

Thomas’ radiant smile vanishes in something cold. “My baby.”

“My future competition,” he hums, “Pretty little thing. Like his daddy.”

A flat silence snows over them, and Thomas gently passes his baby boy to a still, smiling that switchblade smile of him.

“Let’s talk, Carmy.”

—

“Listen here, ya rat bastard,” He sneers, smile manic and eyes wide, like a scorned serpent baring its fangs, forearm pressed tight against Carmine’s throat. He watches that little vermin thrash and wheeze.

Thomas’ accent is honeyfire, drawling like a whiskey river and booming like lighting. “You even look at my son again, I swear on my mama’s body, boy, I’ll dig up your piece of shit daddy and make you eat the skin. You understand?”

“Yes.”

“Don’t fucking play with me, Falcone. “

“I swear,” he groans, clawing at Thomas’ arm, but he doesn’t even feel it, that’s how enraged he is. “On my father’s name, I swear.”

“Good. “ A knee to the stomach is unnecessary, yet greatly desired. “Get the fuck off my streets.” And if Alfred watches Thomas hide his bloody knuckles from Bruce while they’re at the park, who’s he to say anything?

[mylifeingotham]

Gotta love Alfred

[morgangalaxy43]

Multishippers are so cool because they would just be sitting at their a table chatting while everyone else is fighting over their favorite ships in the background

[not-another-robin]

Today on comics that only make sense in my beautiful mind

[capsrecedinghairline]

By the time Bruce hits fourteen, Leslie has had enough. She storms into Wayne Manor and confronts Alfred while he’s placidly kneading dough in the kitchen.

“You signed Bruce up for more martial arts lessons??” she shrieks. “He needs therapy! This isn’t what Martha and Thomas would want!”

Alfred Pennyworth delicately clears his throat, dusts flour from his palms, reaches into his pocket, and produces a somewhat worn neon sticky note. In Martha Wayne’s loopy cursive is written, If I die, give Bruce a knife and teach him to fight xoxo.

Leslie blinks dumbly at her dead friend’s instruction for a moment, but recovers enough to parry with, “Well what about…”

But she trails off when, still silent, Alfred hands her a yellowed Polaroid. Frozen on film for all time is Thomas Wayne, wearing exactly half a tuxedo, laying on his stomach on a bench in a tattoo parlor. He’s propped on one elbow and he flashes the cameraman a merry thumbs up as the tattoo artist inks “DO WHAT MARTHA SAYS” on his bare ass.

[crabrat]

no no but think an au where gotham thinks alfred is batman

cause like gotham has known bruce since he was a kid hiding under tables at galas, they’ve watched him grow up and honestly to gotham he’s decently well adjusted-(they haven’t seen him at Gotham U the kids there know hes friends with harvey dent for fucks say and you can’t be friends with that man without having a bit of crazy in you)

they’re not going to assume that he goes out every night as a dressed as a humanoid bat-no the young lad was much too tired running Wayne Interprize and being depressed

alfred though? everyone knows alfred was in the secret service before Martha and Thomas died. and everyone also knows that they and the butler were practically married considering the way he was talked about in press interviews and through the rare press pictures people got of them

so in his grief the people think it’s very reasonable for the butler to have snapped and taken such a duty as batman up-as repentance as a way of avenging the late wayne’s as a way of protecting bruce

this of course is not official information but the people of gotham have some type of an unsaid agreement

whenever one of bruce wayne’s wards are taken hostage bruce wayne is noticeably absent and batman swoops in to save the day-as to not repeat the events of the part alfred must have made bruce stay put, safe, and gone to save his grandsons

when one brings up the age argument you’re likely to get a condescending look and the irritable response that alfred’s immortal

this is not further explains

it is simply a truth of life in gotham

moving on

people start to realize the amount robins match up with amount of kids brucie has and immediately come to the conclusion alfred has been training them to take care of gotham and make sure bruce is safe. this is a perfectly reasonable and ethical conclusion to most gotham residents the city moves on

when jason todd the second robin dies batman gets much much more aggressive people start sending very fancy cooking supplies and ingredients to wayne manor which could mean nothing

red hood emerges and starts using guns everyone thinks that he’s one of batman’s failed trainees as obviously alfred taught the kids to use guns even though he never uses them this is speculated to because of how the wayne’s died

naturally most anyone outside of gotham thinks they’re all mad but what else is new

alfred is fully aware of these rumors and sometimes likes to feed into it by “absentmindedly” spinning a batterang while looking directly into one of the press cameras at the most recent gala

this doesn’t actually change anything about the story except that it contributes to bernard’s first ever correct conspiracy about bruce being batman, all of bernard’s conspiracy forum friends want to kick him out for this wild even to them claim, tim has to try really hard not to start laughing hysterically

[emmett-mccarty-cullen]

How often do you think Alfred looks up at the portrait of his late lovers in the sitting room of Wayne Manor, deeply inhales, and says, "Our boy.... is testing me again"

[marqkace]

It's been a long, long time.

[cryptar]

Damian, to Tim: I feel it is only right to tell you I am pursuing the kent boy.

Damian, nervously: ...and the batson boy.

Tim: Cool, I'm glad they make you happy.

Damian: what? why aren't you shocked!?

Tim: why would I be?

Damian: I'm courting two people at once!

Tim: so? They know about each other, right?

Damian: well, yes, but-

Tim: then that'd be kinda hypocritical, don't you think? With me dating Kon and Bernard and all-

Damian: you are.

Damian: what.

Tim: yes??? You knew this??

Damian, alarmed: I most certainly did not!

Tim: Damian, everyone in this family is poly, It'd be weirder if you were monogamous.

Damian: that can't be right, what about Todd?

Tim: Roy and Starfire.

Damian: Brown and Cain are monogamous-

Tim: with the way they keep chatting up the new intern at Wayne Tech? Please.

Damian: Thomas isn't in a relationship.

Tim: still poly.

Damian: Richard??

Tim: literally married to Wally and Babs, you were at the weddings, Damian? what the fuck??

Damian: Father-

Tim: is dating half the justice league, three villains and your mother, Damian!

Damian:

Damian, realising why that photo of the Wayne's and Alfred looked so romantic: my god.

[bruciemilf]

So glad you clarified that "Alfred bleeding out at brucie's day party" was step 1 in becoming pennywaynes. I was just about to ask lol

Also thinking that Alfred doesn't say "fuck" because Thomas says it enough for both of them. And how they're both feral in opposite directions (loud and vulgar vs poised and eloquent) makes me wonder what direction Martha is feral in. Exceedingly painfully viciously polite? Barefoot in the dirt, she'd love poison ivy fae-tinged feral? Does this make sense? I'm sick. All I can think about is Thomas and Alfred preparing to carve someone up and you don't even know who you are supposed to be more scared of

I like to imagine Martha as Morticia Addams feral. Regal, majestic, peculiar, and could wipe the floor with your self-esteem in a minute if crossed. Bruce’s mama was a silent badass for sure.

I like to think Damian inherited her affection for animals! Hers pets were just more… Unique, let’s say.

Imagine you’re Alfred. You’ve been working at the Wayne manor for about two weeks now.

Thomas, your husband boss hands you a huge chunk of bloody meat hanging from a butcher hook, while yelling violently at a business partner on the phone.

“Al, go feed Bruce, will ya?”

“?????????????”

Bruce gently grabs Alfred’s hand (Alfred has to tilt down) and he’s taken to the pool area.

There’s a big ass tank.

There’s a big ass, 20 foot long, great white shark in that tank. Bruce hugs the glass. Alfred may or may not pass out. Martha gently takes Bruce in her arms, kindly asks Alfred to clean the floors, and vanishes in the shadows.

She also has an albino ball python that Bruce adores. Occasionally, she wears him as a scarf. Alfred is severely loving and regretting his life choices.

[dceuheadcanons]

"Thomas and Martha Wayne were monogamous" this and "Bruce's parents would be so disappointed about the bisexual playboy thing" that. Thomas Wayne was THE bisexual playboy. TO ME. With just a little more dignity. He started it guys give him his credits

[dragonpyre]

In my mind, Thomas, Martha, and Alfred were all in a polycule, but only Thomas was the sane one

[vodrae]

Can you imagine what THREATS Alfred has hold against Jacob Kane so he respects Marta and Thomas'will to give him Bruce's custody.

How do you keep a military millionnaire who could potentially makes hiw own suicide squad in line ?