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ladyanput · 5 years

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Seeing Green Ch.12

The days leading up to the gala, Marinette shut herself up in her room, making the excuses of her wanting to put the finishing touches on her dress. But that was a lie, everyone could see it by the haunted look in her eyes, but what could they do? Every time they tried, she’d merely give them a bright smile and usher them away with reassuring words, and she’d shut the door right in their face.

But Damian wasn’t about to give up just yet. He opened the door and stepped into the room, holding a tray carrying a delicate tea set. He stared at Marinette, who had knelt beside a mannequin sporting a stunning pink gown, not turning towards the sound of the door opening or the footsteps approaching her.

“I thought you’d like to have a break and have some tea with me.” Damian smiled down at her, the girl who had stolen his heart, not that he’d tell her just yet. No, not after what she’s been through, she didn’t need another man declaring his love when she clearly wasn’t ready for it. But when he saw her smile, he felt his heart flutter and he found himself grinning back. “Your favourite too.”

“Thank you, Damian, I think I could use the tea.” Marinette beamed and got to her feet, the two of them heading to the small table by the large windows, both quick to settle in their chairs with a cup of steaming tea.

“You’ve really been shut in your room, Angel, for two days straight. That can’t be healthy.” He commented as he watched her add a fair bit of sugar to her tea before taking a long, greedy gulp. He smiled at the sight and let out a soft chuckle. “I can’t have you starving in there, afterall.”

“The Justice League was nice. I’m glad that they’re going to try and send people in to help us find Hawkmoth.” Marinette averted her gaze as she added even more sugar to her tea, her hands trembled ever so slightly as she did. “I mean, I’ve been after him for years, but I’m sure with experts on the case that we’ll find him in no time.”

“Angel-”

“I hope Lila won’t cause a scene tonight, it was really nice of your father to still let my class attend.”

“Angel, what-”

“Oh, have I shown you Evangeline’s dress? I kinda decided to add some features to make it more Red Hood inspired. It didn’t take long to do, since I had the dress done.”

“Marinette, please!”

At Damian’s shout, Marinette’s mouth snapped shut and she lowered her gaze. Damian winced, feeling like the biggest asshole on earth.

“Marinette, something is bothering you.” He reached out and took her free hand, giving it a tender squeeze. He set down his cup and knelt before her, taking her hand in both of hers. “Angel, you can tell me.”

“Damian, I’m a failure.” Marinette’s voice was soft, shaky. She bowed her head, her face quickly being hidden by her veil of pitch black hair and her shoulders shook. “I don’t deserve to be the Guardian, I’m failing the world, I’m failing the Kwami, I’m just a failure.”

“Wait, where did this come from?”

“I couldn’t save him! I let my partner down, I let him get corrupted, I let him become like that and I did nothing to stop it! No he’s in jail and his life is ruined and I did nothing to stop it!”

Damian watched as Marinette put her head in her hands and began to let out loud, heart wrenching sobs. She had just screwed up everything; the boy she had loved had become corrupt and she had failed to save him, she had lost many of her friends to a liar and it took many of them three years for them to see the truth. And she was supposed to be Ladybug, the savior of Paris, yet for three years and she was still no closer to defeating Hawkmoth, no, she had to go as far as to burden other heroes to help her. And now with Fu gone, she was the Guardian of the Miraculous, she had to take care of the Kwami, make sure they were safe, make sure that she gave the Miraculous out to the right people. But she had certainly failed at that, with Alya, with Nino, and with Chloé.

The stresses that had been piling on since she was fourteen finally felt as if they were crushing her and the dam broke. Damian held her close as she fell apart, soon being reduced to a whimpering, sobbing mess.

"Why couldn't I keep Alya with me? I couldn't protect Master Fu, I just kept screwing up and hurting my friends, I was such a stalker to Adrien, I just-" Whatever else she was going to say got lost in her sobs.

Damian wanted to say something. To go about assuring her and making sure she knew she was well loved, that she had done nothing wrong.

He let her cry, but kept silent. He wasn't the person to say those things to her; he had only known her for less than a week.

Yet less than a week goes by and he is already in love with her.

…

Damian came downstairs a few hours later, seeing his family and Marinette's teammates seated around the living room, looking rather grim.

"She's fine. She's resting now." Damian spoke up, drawing all attention to him. He had no doubt they had all been talking about Marinette just moments ago. "She… She had herself a good long cry."

“I’m not surprised, with what Dupain-Cheng has had to put up with since we were still in middle school.” Chloé muttered darkly, snuggled in between her girlfriend and boyfriend, the three of them firmly gripping hands. Their Kwami were seated on the table, talking amongst themselves as they had done since after the talk with the League. Chloé gave a look to Kagami, then booped her lightly on the nose. "I told you this was gonna happen sooner than later."

"But Marinette is so strong, she certainly wouldn't crumble so suddenly." Kagami frowned as Damian took a seat as well, holding her girlfriend closer now.

"Perhaps Chat Noir's betrayal was the straw that broke the camel's back." Luka suggested as he lazily ran his fingers through Kagami's short hair, making her smile, though it was a bit strained.

"Surely things weren't that bad. I mean, you guys had to deal with only one villain." Dick spoke up, and all the Parisian heroes stared at him.

Very poor choice of words, Dick.

"Excuse me, you've only known Marinette for what, five days or so? And miss 'I instantly got protective of Marinette as soon as I met her'" Chloé pointed toward Eva. "Has only known her for about six months, as creepy as that sounds. No offense."

"None taken." Eva held up a hand, her lips pressed into a thin line.

"But I've known her longer than anyone here. Before we were fourteen, she was a spineless little doormat. When we first met, she was this little goody two shoes who had a lot of friends. But once I started targeting her, because I was really jealous of her, I targeted her friends. Nino, Kim, all of her friends distanced themselves from her because they did not want to be bullied. So she was my personal punching bag until we got to middle school. She met Alya, she became Ladybug and she grew that much needed backbone. But she was still a doormat.

"She'd make cakes for everyone's birthday every year. She'd bring in treats just to be nice, she planned parties, she made decorations, she could make her friends dresses and other pieces of clothing for free. And Lila came and turned everyone against her again. Another bully and everyone's loyalty was as flimsy as tissue paper. She was a shiny new toy who promised tales of grand adventure and connections to powerful people. Surely you Waynes understand how a lot of people just want to be your friend just for your money and power."

The Waynes all exchanged glances. They certainly did know that feeling, and from what they saw of Miss Bustier's class, a lot of them seemed happy with the shiny, promising Lila until they suddenly learned the truth.

"Yeah, so Marinette stayed a doormat to everyone in the class. Even to this day, she organised this big, massive trip to Gotham for them and they haven't thanked her once, from what I can guess.

"When my Daddy was arrested last year and my Mother left us to get away from the scandal, Marinette didn't let the past stop her from helping me. She didn't hold a grudge. When I was kicked out of The Grand Paris, lost my money and my power, the class ganged up on me. Revenge for the years of hell I put them through, though I deserved every second of it…"

"No, you didn't. No one deserves to be doused in paint. No one deserves to have her entire wardrobe cut up, when she doesn't have money to buy any more." Luka cut in, hugging Chloé tight as he kissed her temple. Chloé wiped away a year and sniffled.

"A-anyway, Marinette and her family took me in. I hated her, I never stood up for her, I did nothing. I didn't care about her, I never did anything nice for her, yet here she was, offering me a place to stay when no one else would. I was a brat, but she and her family helped me to become better."

Chloé was quiet for a few minutes after her rant, wiping away more tears that came.

"What I'm trying to say is a lot of stuff has built up. A lot of responsibility on her shoulders. She was fourteen when she and Adrien became heroes. Still kids, we still are kids. She's not even twenty and she's the Guardian of the Miraculous." Chloé shook her head, meeting Dick's gaze. "So next time you decide to say shit like that, think twice."

"I'm sorry. I didn't know." Dick swallowed the lump in his throat and he looked down. "I shouldn't have said that."

"She needs a night of fun." Eva spoke up, drawing attention to herself, though she looked rather sullen. "She just needs a night where she can be the fairytale princess, alright? A lot of us have already let her down, myself included with that meltdown I had and my powers kinda going out of wack."

"Were you the reason people were reporting in a small area was being affected by Scarecrow's fear toxin?" Cass sat up sharply, eyes narrowed.

"Yeah, sorry. I've gotten myself under control now, I promise. Anyway, do you think we can give her the best night of her life at the gala?"

"I don't see a problem with that." Bruce spoke up, giving his own smile as he watched everyone. "I mean, after everything that’s happened, I think one drama free night could be good for everyone.”

“There’s still an issue. We need a new Black Cat.” Tikki spoke up, flying up from the table and giving everyone there a stern look. “The Ladybug is active, she needs the Black Cat to maintain the balance. If not, there could be dire consequences.”

“But who the heck could take the ring?” Luka sat up, frowning as he sat the Kwami on the table exchanging looks. “You’ve all said yourselves that it is a lot of power to handle. The power of destruction isn’t an easy one to control.”

“I want him to take it.” Plagg pointed, drawing all eyes to where he was pointing; Damian Wayne. “I can see your soul, kid, I see you have more destruction and death in your life than most. I see you love and care for Tikki’s chosen better than Adrien ever could, so I choose you to be my Chosen.”

“What? Wait, no, shouldn’t we wait for Marinette’s say on this?” Damian frowned and crossed his arms as he glared down at the small cat Kwami. “I mean, she is the Guardian, isn’t she? And the Black Cat is supposed to be her partner, so she should certainly get a say in this. We can’t just go making decisions behind her back.”

He didn’t miss the wide grin on Plagg’s face.

“You, kid, are definitely a good choice. I like you already. Now, do you guys have any carembert around here?”

…

Marinette bit her lower lip as Chloé pinned up her hair, leaving a few stray curls to frame her pretty face.

“Thank you for doing my hair, Chloé. I’d be lost without you.” Mari whispered softly, blushing brilliantly as she stared at herself in the mirror. She felt so… Pretty. Almost like a princess. Her dark hair was pinned back and up, showing off her delicate face and neck, which would complement the pale pink dress she had made herself for this gala. It was a lovely dress, a strapless evening gown that hugged her body until the hips, then flowed out with the beautiful fabric. It was her finest work yet. “I was afraid I’d burn my hair with a curling iron or something.”

“Oh puh-lease, I would kill you if you tried to use a curling iron again, especially with what happened last time.” Chloé snorted and turned Marinette around, beginning with her friend’s make-up. She carefully coloured the lips pink, and got to work with the rest of the make-up. “You should be grateful I decided to stay in Gotham after our talk with the League, I could be at home with Luka and Kagami watching our favourite movie.”

“So sorry to inconvenience you, your highness.” Marinette playfully mocked, before the two burst into soft fits of giggles. She turned and hugged Chloé tightly, the two staying like that for a few minutes. "I wish you were coming tonight, it would be nice to have friends there."

"Well, I don't really want to run into Bustier and the others." Chloé made a face as she pulled back, then gently shrugged as she smiled. "Besides, you have Miss Evangeline, though she'll probably be glued to her hunk all evening. Is there something about Gotham that lets you guys find love?"

"It's not love. Just a fun fling while we're in Gotham." Evangeline stepped into the room and Marinette hummed in appreciation at the sight of her.

The black halter style evening gown hugged the older woman's rather large curves, the keyhole on the neckline having been altered to be more bat shaped by a cheeky Marinette. And when the young designer included a short dark brown jacket and red pumps, Eva had looked ready to smack Marinette upside the head when she commented on how now Eva could go to the gala as a fancy Red Hood, since she was so smitten with him.

"My work at its finest." Marinette stood and made her way over to her own dress, Chloé quickly helping her put it on. She felt a bit nervous how she had made her own neckline a bit daring, but she had quickly convinced herself that she wasn't a little girl anymore. She was almost an adult, she had no time for pigtails and childish things.

Adrien's face flashed in her mind and it took everything in Marinette not to flinch. Instead she slid on her pale pink kitty heels and brushed her hands to smooth the slim skirt with an overlay of pale pink sheer fabric, decorated with dark pink flowers.

"Do you think Damian will like it?" Marinette gave a small twirl, instantly seeking to distract herself. "I mean, it's really… Pink."

"The guy is obviously smitten, he'd be an idiot to not have his jaw on the floor when he sees you." Chloé rolled her eyes once again, crossing her arms. "Or is yours just a fling too?"

"Oh, um…" Marinette felt herself blush as she grabbed her pale pink wrap shawl, toying with it gently. "Well, it's not a fling. It's not love, but I think it's going to be. I just don't want to rush into things again."

"You haven't. Don't worry, sugar cookie." Eva went and hugged Marinette tightly, holding her close. "But let's not worry about that. For now, let's worry about having a fun night tonight, rubbing elbows with the upper crust of Gotham."

With a smile, Chloé took them both by the arm and guided them downstairs to the main hall of the mansion, where their dates were waiting.

When Damian looked up and saw Marinette, he felt the breath leave his lungs. She was stunning, not surprising to him, but she seemed to glow, almost. She really was an angel…

"You certainly clean up good." Marinette smiled as she tucked her hand into his offered arm, then blushed when her mother began taking pictures. "Do you think I can do this? I don't want to embarrass anyone."

"You'll do just fine." Damian kissed her temple softly as he guided her out to the limo, his family and their dates following close behind.

"You look absolutely stunning tonight, Marinette. I am sure you will be the belle of the ball." Kor'i piped up happily once the limo got moving, snuggled into Dick's side.

"I think that honour might go to Selena." Marinette put in quickly, no sure if her face could get any redder from embarrassment. "I mean, you look gorgeous."

Selena let out a laugh and the women in the vehicle began to praise each other on their outfits, all the while Marinette stared out the window, feeling a sense of uneasiness in her stomach.

…

"Wow…" Marinette whispered in awe as soon as they stepped into the main ballroom. It was certainly a scene of splendor and high society, all obviously ignoring the day to day lives they live in Gotham. A place where you can forget the murderous villains looming outside your door.

"Mari, look at you! You look awesome!" Nino parted from the crowd, looking so odd in a trim dark suit, with no ball cap in sight. Marinette had to admit, he made quite the handsome looking gentleman. "Far out, dudette."

"You look rather handsome, Nino. You almost look like a man of high society. Your slang gives you away though.” Mari smiled, though it was a bit tight at the corners. She then blinked in surprise when Nino held out a hand.

“Can we dance?” Nino motioned his head over to the dance floor, where many couples already were. “I want to talk to you.”

“Of course, Nino..”

Marinette was guided to the dancefloor, not seeing the frowning faces of Eva and Damian. They could easily see the girl’s key trait in action; she forgave far too easily and quickly.

“What did you want to talk about?” Marinette gazed up at her friend as the two of them began to dance, though it was a bit more awkward than most due to their lack of experience.

“I know I apologized already for Alya and everything… But I don’t think I properly apologized for myself. I deserted you, Mari, a girl who’s like a sister to me. I left you hanging and I never once looked back and that was wrong of me.”

“Listen, Nino, it’s okay, I forgi-” Marinette began, but was quickly cut off by Nino giving a firm shake of his head.

“No, I don’t deserve that. I haven’t done anything to redeem myself yet. I’m not following the herd anymore. From now on I’m gonna stick by your side.” Nino grinned down at her, then gave her a playful wink. “Should be easier since I broke up with Alya.”

“I beg your pardon, you did what?!”

…

Lila scowled as she glanced around the ballroom, her grip tightening on her flute of champagne. None of the cute rich guys were even looking her way and she was dressed to the nines. The tight bronze dress she wore hugged her body tightly, the neckline plunging low, almost to her navel, leaving her non existent cleavage on full display. She even had her signature hairstyle in that perfectly framed her pretty face.

It was all Marinette’s fault, Lila knew that for a fact. If that stupid bitch had stayed at the hotel the first day, then Lila would have had all attention on her and would have won the heart of Damian Wayne as soon as he had seen her. Marinette and now that creep Eva always ruined everything for Lila, but it was easy to turn the class against them. Even Mis Bustier, who could see through Lila’s lies, scolded the two on causing conflict.

She should be out amongst the rich and fabulous, being basked in glory and praise, but from her vantage point, she could see Marinette enter the room on the youngest Wayne’s arm and all attention being drawn to the young Parisian girl. Lila wanted to go over there and rip the girl’s tacky dress to shreds, because now Lila was stuck just standing with her class, who had no idea how to behave at a formal event. Everyone avoided them like the plague, and Alya having her phone out and trying to get interviews certainly wasn’t helping matters!

“Alya, put that away! You’re only embarrassing yourself!” Lila snapped, taking a long drink of her champagne as Alya once again stepped up to a famous person and sought out an interview. “”Besides, no one here will give you an interview thanks to Marinette. I heard she made the Waynes tell everyone to keep away from you because you are a tabloid journalist or something.”

“She did what?!” Alya spun around sharply, her mouth agape. “How could she do that?! I mean, first she stole Damian from you, she got Adrien locked up, and now this?!”

“I know, isn’t she horrible?” Lila teared up and wiped away her tears, her entourage instantly rushing to her side to try and soothe her. The rest of the class simply rolled their eyes and continued to enjoy themselves. This was a fancy party, afterall, and Miss Bustier was off flirting with some rich guy to even keep an eye on them.

Lila watched from the corner of her eye as Evangeline danced with one of the Waynes, Jason if she remembered correctly. They seemed enraptured with each other, bodies pressed tightly together as they slow danced and whispered into the other’s ear. It made Lila want to vomit. But then she watched as Jason excused himself and left the room. Nino excused himself from Marinette and left as well, probably to head to the bathroom. But green eyes narrowed as she watched Eva leave through the same door a few minutes later, a slowly grin spreading across Lila’s face.

Perhaps this evening wouldn’t be such a waste afterall. Even since Alya’s pathetic show of being dumped, she was even more easy to manipulate. So when Lila showed Alya a picture of Eva and Nino talking in the dining hall, Lila having made sure the angle and posture looked intimate, and she had tearfully told Alya that Eva was probably the reason Nino had dumped her.

It was never hard to get Alya worked up.

Around a few minutes later, when Jason entered the room, disheveled, Eva close behind, Lila tapped Alya's shoulder and motioned over to Eva just as Nino exited the hallway after her.

"Look at her. Are those hickies on her neck?" Lila hissed in an infuriated tone, but smiled when she felt Alya's body tense under hers. "I mean, I know she's a creep, but to fuck him here of all places? She really does deserve to rot in a cell."

…

Marinette beamed as Damian dipped her backwards, feeling almost breathless from all of the dancing she had been doing with him. It was almost two hours into this thing and her feet were beginning to work.

"Can we get something to drink?" Marinette whispered into Damian's ear once he helped her straighten, then leaned into him as they made their way over to the refreshments table, where Eva and Jason were conversing with Selena and Bruce.

"You two kittens seem to be having fun." Selena smiled as she handed both of them a glass of champagne. "Marinette, everyone's been asking about your dress, they're trying to figure out who the designer is."

"It's an MDC original." Marinette smiled as she went to take a sip, but was stopped by Damian, who sent a glare to Selena.

"She's only eighteen, she can't drink alcohol. She's underaged." He said in such a stern tone, it took everything in Marinette not to snort. He sounded so adult for someone who was nineteen.

"Damian, how could you, seducing someone who's still a child, barely out of high school?" Selena gave a dramatic gasp as she pressed a hand to her chest, as if she were about to faint. "How could you? Why, I'm sure Satan himself would be ashamed."

"Enough out of you!" Damian felt his cheeks redden in embarrassment at Selena's theatrics. Though he did give Marinette a side glance as he watched her set down her flute of champagne and got herself one full of juice. Though she seemed unbothered by the whole conversation.

"Now, let's not get rowdy. Sugar cookie here has drunk alcohol before, the legal drinking age in France is eighteen afterall." Eva put in, wrapping a supportive arm around Marinette's shoulders. "As long as no one gets drunk and sloppy, we should be fine."

"Thank you, Eva, for helping Nino." Marinette murmured into the TA's ear, causing a look of surprise to cross the young woman's face. "Miss Bustier isn't the best person to go to for advice. She would have told him to try and fix things and stick with her."

"Where is that blundering idiot anyway?" Eva muttered as she saw the French class, but no Bustier in sight. She groaned and massaged her temples as she realized the idiot had left a group of rambunctious teenagers unsupervised. This would not go well.

"I might have to duck away for a bit. If those kids get drunk, this party might get rowdy." Eva patted Jason's arm gently, then broke away from the Waynes, beginning to head towards the class. But being splashed in the face with champagne stopped her in her tracks.

"Alya!" Marinette snapped as she instantly rushed to Eva's side, the entire room having gone silent. Eva stood there, dumbstruy, her make up running thanks to the champagne, while Alya sneered at the older woman.

"That's what ya get, you bitdch... Did you honestly fink you could get away wif it?" Alya's words were slurred, her cheeks rosy as she clumsily set her hands on her hips. "I have the proofs."

"What the fuck are you talking about?" Eva hissed, her face flushed red from embarrassment as Marinette grabbed some napkins a waiter brought and began dabbing up the alcohol. Alya sneered and pointed a shaky finger at Eva, stumbling on her feet as she tried to take a threatening step forward.

"Lila shaw you two. Apparently you snuck.out the other day, to fuck. The day before Marinette trickeded Adrien, you were gone all afternoon." Alya slurred, then reached out, slapping the woman across the face before Marinette could stop her. "I know you were a fucking pedophile. Lila was right, you are a creep. Why else are you so close with Marinette? I bet you fuck her too."

Bruce motioned towards the nearby security guards, but Eva merely held up a hand, her purple eyes glaring deep into Alya's.

"I became her friend because I knew she needed one. Because I knew your loyalty was so fickle that you turned your back on her years ago. She barely knew me, but the first thing she did for me was make me a scarf with my favourite flowers on it because I was homesick. I was stuck with a class that took a liar's words at face value because she offered them pretty stories and fake opportunities. Marinette didn't make things easy for you, playing along with everything, so you decided to drop her. Yes, I'm her TA, but I am also her friend. A better friend than you, Ladybug certainly agrees."

"You shut your whore face, you don't even know Ladybug! Lila says she hated your guts!" Alya made another move for her, but Jason firmly gripped Alya's wrist, stopping the girl in her tracks. "Let me go, you creep! She's cheating on you with a high schooler!"

"Funny, the time you gave that scenario to her, Miss Rossi." Jason's hard eyes flickered to the girl in question, his look so deadly that it made her shiver. "Because it is impossible. You see, she was with me the entire time, tied to her hotel bed and calling me Daddy."

Marinette let out an embarrassment squeak while Eva turned crimson and softly cursed Jason's entire existence.

Lila scowled and strode right up to Jason, tears soon flooding her eyes as she began her theatrics.

"Did Marinette get to you too? Oh no, how many times has she spread her legs to ruin my life? First she steals Damian away from me, now she turns all of you into her personal attack dogs? And here I thought Eva was the whore!"

"Caline!" Eva turned and snapped at the woman across the room, who looked flabbergasted. "For gods' sake, get your class under control and stop humping Dick's leg. He's married, you twit!"

Caline went crimson and hurried over, setting a hand on Alya's and Lila's shoulders, trying to pull the girls away, but Alya shoved her teacher away and got right in Marinette's face.

"I've had enough of you! You ruin everything, Marinette! I tried, but you lost everything for a reason! You failed with Adrien because you are pathetic and spineless, so you decide to get him arrested. Lila was in a happy relationship with Damian, but you were jealous she won us this trip so you decided to steal him and take ownership of this entire thing! You're a pathetic leech, and an enabler. I bet you watched as your whore fucked Nino, I bet!"

"That's enough Alya!" Nino stormed forward, and more shouting began.

There was such chaos; angry words being thrown around, hands reaching out to scratch and claw, security rushing in to assist.

No one even noticed the little black butterfly that flew over their heads.

Marinette watched as security began to drag the drunken Alya away, while Miss Bustier tried to convince them to let her go, that it was all some misunderstanding. Lila began wailing, trying to put as much attention as she could on herself. Even Nino was shouting, but it was all lost in the noise. Marinette rushed to Damian's side and tightly gripped his band, until a shriek pierced the air.

"Jason!"

Everyone looked over, and every French person in the room let out a scream of terror.

For framing Jason's handsome face was the outline of a purple butterfly. Marinette instantly rushed over, kneeling next to Eva, who was screaming for Jason to fight it, to break whatever had been akumatized, anything!

And they both watched helplessly as Jason was engulfed in purple.

Taglist: @realrandomposts @interobanginyourmom @ladybug-182 @ladylb @zalladane @mochinek0 @persephonebutkore @urbanpineapplefarmer @vixen-uchiha @angelofmusickaterinapetrova @thewheezingbubbledragon @northernbluetongue @violatiger8 @thequestionablyhuman @ginamarie1512 @maude-zarella @2sunchild2 @saphiraazure2708 @ayuchan07 @virgil-is-a-cutie @thepeacetea @miraculous786 @enchanted-nerd @zebrabaker

#Seeing Green #maribat #alya salt #lila salt #daminette #dc x mlb #maridami

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jaggedheartstrings · 5 years

Text

I Miss the Sun (that we once felt)

Words: 1.8k

Warnings: Anxiety and panic attacks (referenced), implied/referenced child abuse

Read on AO3!

Summary:

Tony Stark, the glasses wearing, sweater loving boy, had loved Bucky Barnes from a far for years.

Bucky Barnes had watched Tony from the shadows that followed him everywhere, shadows that would never let him leave.

Inspired by Aaron Carpenter’s song Chase.

Tony tugged the sweater tighter around himself as he watched Bucky smoke a cigarette while leaning against the school wall.

His trademark black leather jacket was slung across his arm, the weather being way too hot for jackets. Yet here Tony was in all his sweater wearing glory as he rushed inside the school, Rhodey trailing behind him.

He kept sneaking looks at Bucky from the corner of his eye. Next to his long-time crush was Steve Rogers, a massive football player and best friend of Bucky’s. Tony envied how everyone seemed to love the blond. He was easily likeable with his easygoing attitude and his ability to see the good in everyone.

Well, everyone except Tony. Tony was the devil rich boy in Steve’s book. Rhodey called it him seeing only the image Tony seemed to ooze, despite being a small teen that was deathly afraid of everyone. But apparently no one outside Tony’s friend circle could see it.

He startled from his thoughts as Rhodey wrapped an arm around his shoulders, jumping slightly at the sudden touch. All Tony’s friends knew his situation at home and made sure to announce their arrival when they were about to touch the small brunet.

“Sorry, you were speeding ahead looking ready to cry, so I thought I’d get you out of your head,” Rhodey opened the glass doors. “What’s up?”

“Nothing,” Tony muttered, hunching in on himself. Rhodey frowned as he watched his best friend rub his wrists together, hands hidden inside the large sweater. The taller boy could barely stand to be in a t-shirt, much less a sweater.

“Ignore them,” Rhodey nudged Tony’s shoulder as he steered him towards their friends.

Clint noticed them first, excitedly running towards them. He grabbed Tony’s hand and pulled him along, a startled look on the brunet’s face. “C’mon! C’mon! Bruce returned from his India trip.”

The news seemed to make Tony’s day as the old gloom disappeared, replaced by joy at the return of his “science bro”. “Really?”

“Yeah, he’s with the principle right now but he’ll come back soon!” Clint pushed the smaller boy into Nat’s arms, the red head wrapping her arms possessively around Tony’s shoulders. It was their signature greeting. Tony would slump against her, tension draining from his body.

“Hi, krolik.” Natasha greeted him. She turned Tony around by his shoulders, searching his eyes. The boy tugged his sweater tighter around himself as Natasha asked, “Rogers?”

Tony wondered again how well Nat could read anyone. Nobody really knew where she had come from, but one day she had sat next to Tony at lunch. And where Nat went, Clint did, too. Recently Nat and Tony’s other red head friend, Pepper, had started exploring if they could possibly have a relationship. So far it was going great, but Pepper always needs stable statistics. Tony truly believed she’d take over the world one day.

Nat’s eyes flashed dangerously as Tony, unaware he did it, rubbed his wrists together. Tony could only dream what torture Nat would one day unleash on the blond athlete.

“Don’t maim him too bad, yeah? Our school still needs their Football Captain,” Tony laughed nervously.

“Not too badly,” Nat smiled at him, all sharp teeth. Anyone who underestimated the red head would be in a world of surprise. “I’ve been needing a reason to knock some sense into his stubborn head.”

“You know, people are saying he’s dating Sharon Carter right now. They’re like third cousins.” Clint butted in. When the three of them turned towards the blond, he shrugged all false innocence.

“Yes, who cares. Carter is that annoying head cheerleader that only got into this school because her aunt is an important woman.” Nat scoffed. “She pretends like she’s better than everyone else. Now that I think about it, they’re perfect for each other.”

“Hey, c’mon guys.” They all turned towards the small brunet. “Let’s- just don’t talk about them like that when they’re not present.”

“We all know you’re in love with Barnes-” Nat ignored the spluttering, “but you don’t have to like everybody that Barnes interacts with. They’re most likely assholes like he himself is.”

Tony glared at one of his best friends, “he’s not an asshole.”

“He kind of is.” Rhodey unapologetically informed him. “C’mon, we gotta go to class.”

“He isn’t an asshole, guys!” Tony insisted, a small fire burning in his whiskey eyes. “You guys don’t even know him! So, you shouldn’t say anything like that.”

“So, what gives Rogers the right to talk shit and hate you when he doesn’t know you?” Nat argued.

“He doesn’t even want to know anything about me, so it doesn’t matter.” Tony muttered under his breath. “Come on, class starts in a few minutes.”

Rhodey wrapped his arm back around Tony’s shoulders, tugging the smaller boy towards their classroom, Nat and Clint trailing behind.

By lunch Tony wanted to just pile more clothes on his body. His anxiety had gone through the roof, in just a few hours. He was scratching his arms and legs so much that they’d probably turned red, if not started to bleed.

He was thankful for Rhodey not noticing his scratching. The other boy had been focused on the lessons, having missed three days last week and almost falling behind. If he had noticed, Tony would’ve got the lecture about hurting himself, accidentally or not.

He loved Rhodey with all his heart, but sometimes he wished to just be left alone. Every time he wished like that though, he would get an immediate feeling of sickening guilt. Rhodey had gone through so much just to stay Tony’s friend.

Now though, Rhodey would focus mostly on his wellbeing, as would Natasha and Clint. They would surely see how close Tony was to a full-blown panic attack. He just wanted to crawl into a hole and not get up.

Tony sat at their signature table as Rhodey headed for the line. It showed how lost in his head the other boy was, as he noticed Tony hadn’t gotten food only when he sat down.

“Tony,” Rhodey looked at him sternly. “Where is your food?”

Tony looked down at the table, fiddling with his sleeves. He didn’t have any money that he could buy food with. He could feel Rhodey’s heavy gaze on the side of his face. Tony was never more grateful for his hair, it’s length just covering his eyes behind a curtain when his head was downwards.

He could hear the held back anger in Rhodey’s harsh inhale. “Here.”

Tony glanced up as Rhodey split the food on the plate in two equal piles. The larger boy held a second fork to his best friend. He gingerly took the fork. After only a second Tony attacked the plate. Rhodey’s mouth moved up to a sad smile. Only he would know this was Tony’s first bit of food since yesterday’s lunch break.

“Hey, Stark! You so cheap now that you have to steal your friend’s food?” Rogers’ voice boomed a few feet from their table. Tony closed his eyes as the fork started shake in his hand. Rhodey wrapped his fingers around his shaking hand, the other grabbing the one in his lap.

“Hey, Rogers! You think that shit is any of your business?” Tony heard Nat yell from the other direction, her steps audible as she ran towards them. Tony opens his eyes just to see the red head throw a punch at Rogers. A harsh crack rang through the silent cafeteria as Rogers nose broke.

“What the fuck!” The blond held his nose, red sweeping from between his fingers.

“Maybe mind your own fucking business in the future so you won’t get beaten up.” Rhodey said as he rose from the bench. Tony jumped up, ready to hold his best friend back, as Clint grabbed his shoulders, effectively holding him in place. Tony was shaking like a leaf.

Tony saw Bucky turn around the corner, just as Rhodey punched Rogers in his eye. Tony closed his eyes in horror and defeat. This was the last time he’d ever be able to look at Bucky without getting glared to death. The other boy would hate for letting his friends do this to Rogers.

“Hey!” Bucky yelled, “What the fuck’s goin’ on here?”

“This Сукин сын, is putting his nose where it doesn’t belong.” Nat snarled. “He has no reason to attack Tony yet does it constantly.”

“Come on, Stevie. Again?” Bucky threw his arms in the air. Tony couldn’t believe what was happening. Bucky wasn’t mad? “Didn’t I tell you to stop bullyin’ Stark?”

“It’s fine!” Tony yelled out suddenly, startling everyone. Bucky’s icy eyes turned to him, the ice melting to the pure softness in his eyes. It made Tony swallow, hard.

“Doll, it’s not fine. This stubborn ass doesn’t understand that rich kids usually have problems too, sometimes more than poor people.” Bucky smiled softly at him. Tony felt like he couldn’t breathe.

“What game are you playing at, Barnes?” Nat hissed out, her Russian accent peeking through.

Bucky held his arms up, “ain’t playing a game. Just giving insight to why he’s an idiot.”

Rogers’ “hey!” went unnoticed.

“Excuses. You are giving him excuses.” Clint piped from behind Tony. Bucky lazily lifted his eyes from Tony’s to Clint’s.

“Maybe,” Bucky shrugged. “Does it matter? You’ll still think he’s a bully.”

Nat stared right through him, then turned back to Rogers, kicking him in the stomach before returning to Tony’s side. “You okay, krolik?”

“Yeah, I’m fine,” Tony shakily informed the fierce red head. Clint rubbed his arms, providing wordless comfort.

Under Rhodey’s watchful gaze, Bucky collected his bleeding best friend from the floor. Rogers groaned through the whole thing. Tony couldn’t help the guilt that burned his conscience.

“No need to feel guilty, doll.” Bucky smiled softly at him, causing that hurried beating of his heart to start back up. “I’ve been getting his ass out of fights since he was a skinny little kid. Back then it was easier to think he was right, fighting bullies and all.”

Bucky glanced at the half-lucid blond hanging off his shoulder, “These days, I don’t think even he knows what he’s fighting.”

The brunet threw the group one sad smile before dragging his best friend off to recover.

Maybe in some other universe they would’ve gotten together in the end, but in this one they both were too afraid of what the other thought, missing their chance.

Years later, when they were both in a better spot, they would bump into each other in the busy streets of New York.

#winteriron #tony stark #Bucky Barnes #buckytony #high school au #Steve Rogers #natasha romanoff #clint barton #james rhodes #rhodey

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yoonseoksoftie · 5 years

Text

deadly friends. | ch. 0

› pairing: min yoongi x reader › word count: 2.5k › tags: ghost!yoongi | high school au | mystery au | [future] angst › summary: ❝ there are many things a person should consider before buying a car. mileage, gas consumption, and motor condition are a few to name, but never a supernatural entity. after buying what you presume is the car of your dreams, you find that an annoying dead boy was never part of the deal. ❞ › a/n: i was in the shower when this idea came to me so i had to write it! like the entire story came to me, from beginning to end, so am so happy to write this. i hope you guys enjoy it! don’t forget to let me know what you think!

"Well, what do you think?"

The seller's voice held an edge of optimism while she looked over at you from the passenger seat. Her tight smile was bordering on demented and if you focused on it, you could hear her teeth grinding against one another.

You tapped your fingers over the peeling material of the steering wheel, nibbling on your bottom lip. The car wasn't in poor condition, it passed all the requirements necessary to qualify as a useful car, and after the three test drives around the block, it had proven itself to be the one. The only issue was the price, were you willing to spend that much money on a used car?

"I'll take it."

"Yes!” she cried out, clapping her hands together and smiling even wider than before. "I'll go get the paperwork."

She stepped out of the car and with one final crazy smile she was gone. You wanted to laugh at how ecstatic she was, it was as if she was the one buying her first car. But you couldn’t blame her, you were over the clouds. The black convertible was your ride to freedom. No more taking the smelly bus filled with rowdy kids to school, or waking up an hour early to catch it. Now, the only thing stopping you from going everywhere you pleased was your mom.

"Bookstore..." you said to yourself. "Here, I come."

As soon as the words left your lips, you felt your shoulders drop. Memories of you laughing with your friends flooded your mind. What had once been a fond memory that warmed your heart, now brought you immense sadness. It had been three weeks since you had moved towns. From one day to the next, your mother had hauled your entire life onto the back of a truck with the excuse of pursuing love.

In those three weeks, you had walked around your new neighborhood countless times and had failed to spot any people your age. The only person you had stricken a conversation that lasted more than five minutes was with a lady that lived three houses down from you and spent the majority of her days gardening. Her name was Hye-Kyo, and she loved to talk. Like no joke, the only reason you even conversed with her was because she carried the entire conversation all on her own, jumping from topic to topic with no concern for time. You did learn that she had a son named Jungkook, he was around your age and loved video games. You had yet to meet him but you were hoping the two of you would get along, that way you wouldn’t be alone once the school year began.

"The bookstore, really?"

You felt your cheeks burn at the thought of the lady hearing you blubber your thoughts out loud but were surprised when you looked up and found yourself alone. Frowning, you twisted your neck to search for the source of the voice and felt your heart stop when your eyes landed on the review mirror.

In the back seat of your car sat a pale boy with light brown hair.

"Hey!" you exclaimed, turning in your seat to face him. "What are you doing in my car? Didn't your parents teach you about stranger danger?"

The boy looked stumped, eyes wide and mouth agape as if you had just told him you wanted to go bungee jumping with Beyoncé.

“Y-you can see me?” he propped his right leg on the seat, bending it at the knee so he could rest his chin on it, his eyes flashing bright with curiosity.

You ignored him and eyed his mud-caked boots with fury. How dare this punk put his dirty shoes on your semi-new car?

"First of all," you began, reaching towards him through the middle console. "Take, your nasty ass,"—you smacked his leg with enough strength to show him you meant business— "boot of my seat."

The boy gasped, horrified. "Y-you can, you can touch me too?"

"What? Of course, I can touch you," you let out affronted. This kid was just aching to get hit again and you were more than happy to comply. "Want me to show you?"

"But how did you—?"

"Alrighty," the passenger door opened to reveal the sale's lady carrying a manila folder filled with papers. "Here we go. These are the papers you need to sign, uh…is everything all right?"

You removed your irritated gaze from the pale punk to look at her.

"Oh yeah," you assured her. "Just," you pointed in the direction of the boy only to find an empty seat. "...talking to myself."

"Hope you're not talking yourself out of it," she half-joked, offering you a faint smile.

"No, no, no," you waved at her absentmindedly, "Where do I sign?"

The drive back to your new house was the longest and most awkward drive of your life. And you were alone in the car! The pale punk had shaken you up, leaving you to go over every second of the quick encounter continuously trying to figure out how he got in and out your car without making a sound.

Every now and then you'd spare your backseat a quick glance through the review mirror hoping to find him sitting there, but that was completely ridiculous because a person couldn't just appear and disappear at will.

You shook your head, clearing your mind of such thoughts. The boy was probably some dumb kid that didn't have anything better to do than to bother people and he foolishly considered you an easy target. Well, he had another thing coming. If you ever saw him again, he was going to get a piece of your mind.

Parking in the driveway of the white house set the butterflies in your stomach free. The mystery boy was long forgotten. You couldn't wait to see the look in your mom's face when she saw your new car. You had been saving up for almost a year and a half now, taking up different part-time jobs and doing side jobs for quick cash, and finally, you were cashing in your reward. Obviously, you still had to pay for its insurance, but that was for you to worry about later.

Fetching the keys from your pocket, you unlocked the door.

"I'm home!" you exclaimed loudly, "And I have a surprise!"

Your words echoed throughout the empty house.

Making your way to the kitchen, you spot a neon yellow sticky note on the refrigerator door.

"Went out with Camilla, there's leftover pasta in the fridge.

Love, Mom. ♡"

You sighed.

Of course, she was out with Camilla. Everything was about Camilla nowadays. Camilla is part of the wine club, Camilla is building a pool in her backyard, Camilla this, Camilla that. You understood your mother was putting herself out there and that she was exploring her sexuality but did she really have to abandon you like this? You knew it wasn't her fault, you hadn't told her about the car but still. You hardly see her around lately, and even though you live together, you were beginning to miss her.

You drag yourself upstairs, this whole Camilla mess making your head hurt.

The extravagant staircase was one of your favorite things about the house. The wood was a rich brown color with a layer of shine, and it went up in a spiral-like shape. Every time you went up and down the stairs, you felt like royalty. For this house, it seemed your mom had chosen everything based on one word: bigger. This house had a bigger kitchen, living room, bedrooms, restrooms, backyard, you name it. But it was beautiful, everything was fresh and new and you loved it.

You had to hand it to your mom, she had good taste.

Unlike you.

Your room was bland, for lack of a better word. Your bed was pushed against the far left corner of the room near the window. Next to it was your desk, your computer and books laid messily over it, and to your right was a dresser with clothes sticking out of half-opened drawers. Home decor was not your thing. Lately, nothing seemed to be your thing.

This was your final year of high school and you had yet to decide on a college or career. Your mom was constantly on your ass about it but every time you tried to make a decision, your mind went blank with panic. Another wave of sadness hit you like a brick to the head.

Oh, the tragedy.

"Not very organized I see," came a contemplating voice over your shoulder.

You jumped forward, a shriek leaving your lips.

The punk with muddy shoes was back, and he was inside your house, inside your room to be more precise.

"How did you get in here?"

Your heart was pounding against your chest rapidly, and your face was burning hot with awareness. An unknown boy was standing in your messy room. The clothes sticking out of the dresser were screaming at you and you realized that it was underwear sticking out of the top drawer, and the books all over your room were chastising you for not shelving them when you had time. You felt embarrassed and then you felt angry. How dare he make you feel embarrassed about being in your own room?

"Through the door," he answered as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. He walked towards your bed and laid down, placing his folded arms behind his head. "I hope you're planning to do something about the walls, they look really bland."

This was the second time this boy had shown up in your presence unannounced, and you weren't liking it. The backseat of your car was one thing, but your room? Your room was a whole new level of invasion of privacy. And he had the nerve to insult you. You were just about ready to explode.

"Five seconds," you said, pointing a finger at him menacing manner. "I'm going to give you five seconds to explain yourself before I go full Bruce Lee on your ass."

The boy stared at you for a long while, his eyes searching your face. He seemed to have found whatever he was looking for because he said, "My name is Yoongi."

Yoongi.

The name was strange yet familiar. You’d heard that name before somewhere, you just couldn’t remember where.

"Okay Yoongi," you said slowly, taking crablike steps until you were standing in front of your dresser. You reached behind you and worked your fingers hastily to shove the clothes back into the drawer as best as they could. "Could you explain why you've been following me? I'll tell the police to go easy on you if you do."

Yoongi puffed out his cheeks and rolled his eyes.

“I’m not following you,” he explained, before straitening up against the headboard and scratching the back of his head, looking uncomfortable. “I mean I am but not in a stalker way, I just…”

“Oh, thank God!” you exclaimed, your voice an octave higher than necessary. “You are not a stalker! You’re just a stranger that follows people they don’t know around, oh wait.”

He rolled his eyes again, before shooting you an annoyed look. “Are you always this sarcastic? And I’m not a stranger, I told you my name.”

You couldn’t help the dry laugh that fell from your lips. It was more of an airy “ha!” rather than an actual laugh at this kid’s nerve.

“I know your name?” you let out hysterically, pacing back and forth and throwing your hands in the air. “Why don’t you stay over for dinner then? Since we know all about each other now. How does that sound?”

If you thought Yoongi was annoyed with you before, he looked like he was just about ready to push you out the window. His brows were drawn together in a frown and he was pouting, cheeks covered in a light flush. If you weren’t completely freaking out about his sudden appearance, you would have pinched his cheeks. He resembled an incredibly cute pissed off kitten.

He let out an exasperated breath as if he was the one dealing with a breaking and entering situation.

“I’m going to show you something, okay?” he placed his hands in front of him to show you that he meant no ill will. “But please,” he begged. “Don’t be frightened.”

Before you could mention how untrustworthy his words sounded, he disappeared.

Yoongi was gone and you were staring at an empty bed.

You had seen many strange things in your life. Like your friends eating ice cream with toast or that kid from school who used to listen to heavy metal music while he studied but never had you ever seen a person disappear like that. Hesitantly, you moved forward and swung your arm through the space where Yoongi had been sitting. Your arm was instantly met with something solid.

Both of you exclaimed at the same.

“Heeey!” you heard Yoongi whine as he reappeared, rubbing at the side of his face. “Why did you do that?”

You were stunned.

Yoongi had superpowers.

That was the only explanation you could offer. He could make himself invisible. Holy shit. Holy shit. Holy shit. Holy shit. This strange boy you had just met had superpowers.

This was the strangest day of your life.

All the books you had read before were coming back to you. Was this the beginning of your adventure? Was this the part where Yoongi told you that you were not of this world and he was here to take you back to your people? Did you have a superpower?

The two of you were silent for what felt like hours.

“Please say something,” Yoongi spoke gently, worry swimming in his eyes.

“You have superpowers,” you let instantly, the words spilling from your mouth like they have been stuck there for years and had been finally released.

Yoongi rolled his eyes and stared at the ceiling, murmuring something under his breath.

A million questions were running through your head right now. Too many for you to properly turn them into words and express them verbally. This was insane. Completely fucking insane. This boy in front of you had superpowers and you had witnessed it firsthand.

“How long have you had them? Why are you showing them to me? Does anyone else know? Do you work for the government? Oh my god, is this about the stolen weed because I had nothing to do with that, I swe—”

“Stolen weed?” Yoongi questioned, a look of utter confusion plastered on his face. “What are you talking about? I don’t have superpowers, dumbass.”

“Then how are able to turn invisi—Hey! Who are you calling a dumbass, dumbass?”

Yoongi sighed, for the hundredth time that day and ran a hand over his face. His lips were pursed and there was a serious look in his eyes. You wanted to shake him and demand an answer but you refrained yourself. Instead, you stared right back at him and thus, began the world’s most intense staring competition.

“I’m a ghost.”

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pandoraimperatrix · 4 years

Text

Four Names for Love

Gotham | BatCat | BabyFic | Multi-chapter | Read on AO3

Summary: When Bruce parted ways with Gotham he was leaving behind more than he thought. Meanwhile Selina is trying to find a way to herself after being abandoned again and on top of that she finds out she was left with a lot more than a heartbreak.

——————————————————————————

Philia part II

‘Wanna a sip?’

Selina took the bottle Nikki was offering. Adding the smell of cheap booze to the list of things that now made her feel sick. She looked at the ring of the bottle, she wanted to drink it, she wanted to feel the burning liquid going down her throat, she wanted it to hurt, she wanted to do something she would regret later.

‘Selina?’ Nikki chuckled. ‘Are you high? You have been frozen like a statue looking at the bottle forever.’

She wanted to be high.

‘You know what? I don’t feel like drinking some lame cheap vodka.’

Nikki eyed her with confusion.

‘Alright…’ She cleaned her throat. ‘So, what you found out about how do we leave?’

Selina sighed.

‘There will be a boat coming in three weeks with more supplies for the construction of the new bridge, it will be in the harbour for a few days, I don’t know how many, we can go back with them. Pay someone to smuggle us in.’

Despite the government sending help, finally, it was still forbidden to leave Gotham, except in very special cases of you being really sick and in need to be transferred for a proper hospital or having a lot of money.

‘Three weeks? Geez, so long.’ Nikki complained. ‘I think we’ll need to be patient, then. Well, more time to think where we should go next.’

‘Look, Nikki, I don’t think-‘

She was interrupted by someone knocking on her door. Nikki and she shared a concerned look. It wasn’t like they were expecting visitors, or that Selina’s address was on the yellow pages.

Selina stood up from the ruined couch, took the knife from her thigh and went to the door.

‘Who is it?’

‘Selina? It’s me, Leslie.’

Selina made a half-confused, half-suspicious face to the door but didn’t open it.

‘What do you want?’

She heard Thompkins sigh from the other side.

‘Selina, please. I want to help.’

‘I don’t need your help. I’m not hurt.’ However, in some ways, that was far from the truth.

‘Selina… I know about the baby.’

‘Baby…?’ She heard Nikki ask confused behind her.

Selina opened the door as fast as she could despite the multiple locks she installed.

‘Get inside! Quick! Geez, are you stupid? Anyone could hear you!’

‘You wouldn’t open otherwise.’

Selina sneered at her.

‘So, Barbara told you. That’s what I get for trusting that nutcase.’

‘She just wanted to help you, Selina.’ Then she noticed Nikki. ‘Hello, I’m Dr Thompkins, you are?’

‘Yeah, I know who the Queen of the Narrows is, alright.’ She said apprehensive, but added later ‘I’m Nikki.’

‘Pleasure, Nikki.’

Feeling terrible uncomfortable by that whole setting, Selina turned to her friend.

‘Can you please leave? No offense, Nikki.’

‘Oh, it’s fine. Congrats… on the baby… I guess.’

Selina didn’t thank her. Her face was livid. Then she was alone with Lee Tompkins.

‘So, Selina. How are you feeling?’

‘How do you think?’ She snapped angrily.

Lee gave Selina that disgusting doe eyed compassionated look of hers.

‘I’m sorry, I know this is hard. I wasn’t a teenager back then, but I went through something like that before. I really came here because Barbara wanted to know if you were okay, and also to let you know you have options.’

‘Options? What are you talking about?’

‘Selina, you are very young. You have no income, this is not a place to raise a baby. If you want, we can arrange for an abortion.’

Selina felt the world side-track, she seriously haven’t thought about that. It was like the whole concept had been completely alien until Lee said those words. Abortion. She didn’t have to go through that. It was so stupid. Of course, the idea of her giving birth to a baby, being a mother, it was ridiculous. How could she thought that was no way out when it was so obvious? And yet…

‘You don’t have to decide now. Just think about it and come to my office then. I’ll go now. Take care.’

ooo

Selina spent the next three days thinking hard about what Leslie told her. It really seem the most obvious thing to do. Just terminate that pregnancy, that mistake, and just go forward with her life, her plans of leaving Gotham, of making something for herself elsewhere.

All her life, her first and most urgent imperative was to survive. That’s why she always had to put herself first, because since her mother dumped her in that orphanage nobody had. A child would change that. A child would have to make her put herself in second place. And experience had been teaching her over and over again why that was a terrible idea.

It was decided. She would have an abortion and everything would be okay. Or least okayer than before.

So why could she even imagine herself doing that? Maybe if it was someone else’s child, maybe if she couldn’t remember clearly how that baby was made and how she felt that night, the warmth of his touch, how sweet it was to have her name in his lips, maybe she would feel different. Maybe she would have no doubt when it would come to make the wisest choice. But it was hers and Bruce’s baby. And no matter how hurt she felt, how angry… She couldn’t do it. How could she? That baby was the only proof she had she was loved once. She couldn’t just make it disappear. And Selina knew that she was being stupid and would make her already shitty life a million times harder but she just couldn’t do it.

That poor kid would have the stupidest homeless teenaged mother.

ooo

Alfred found her in a back alley next to Leslie’s clinic feeding some local strays.

‘Good afternoon, Miss Kyle.’

Selina looked at him like he had said something funny and dumb, but other than that ignored him. Scratching the head of an orange tabby.

‘Nice day, isn’t it?’

‘I don’t know what you are trying to pull. But I have no time for it.’

She stood up from her crouching position and was ready to leave when he talked again.

‘Selina, I’m sorry.’

She stopped. He hardly used her first name, and even more rarer than that apologised.

‘It was very unbecoming of me to say those words to you. I know how you and Master Bruce care for each other. And I am grateful for every time you saved his life when I could not be there.’

And maybe it was the stupid hormones but Selina felt a lump in her throat.

Fighting back tears she turned her face to him.

‘She told you, didn’t she? Leslie? Or was it Barbara? That’s why you’re telling me this stuff. God, why do I keep doing this? Why do I keep trusting people that will betray me later? Look, I don’t need your help, or your pity or you money. It is my baby, I’ll take care of it just fine.’

Bruce had told Selina once that Alfred was an actor for a time in his life, and as hilarious and hard to believe it have been back then, she didn’t think even an Oscar winning actor could fake surprise that well.

‘Pardon? What did you just say, Miss?’

She panicked.

‘Just forget it. Apology accepted, let’s never deal with each other ever again.’

She tried to leave again, but he blocked her path.

‘No. You will explain to me what you have just said. Miss Kyle, are you expecting?’

‘I don’t have to tell you anything, Jeeves.’

‘Are you serious? Are you really with child? And it is Master Bruce’s?’

If she thought she was the most annoyed she could be, well, she was wrong.

‘Of course it’s his. What do you take me for? No, scratch that. It’s mine, just mine, Bruce left.’

He didn’t say anything for a while, and Selina thought he was finally letting her go.

‘Miss… I really do not know where he is.’

And maybe was how broken he sounded but Selina felt herself falling in that pit of despair she had crawled out far too recently to go back again.

‘I don’t care.’

‘If you need help, with anything-‘

‘Are you stupid? Or are your hearing already going bad? I don’t want your fucking help, and now get out of my way.’

ooo

But after that conversation Selina would always find food at her door, sometimes her squat was eerie tidier than it was when she left, and even her pile of clothes were now folded in orderly fashion and smelling fresh clean no matter how she avoided laundry day.

She knew what was up. And as nice as it was having someone taking care of her, she really hated that he was just doing it because of the baby in her belly. Also he was invading her privacy, how dare him!

So she went knock at his door.

‘Miss Kyle, what a surprise.’

‘I came here to tell you to stop.’

‘I don’t know what you mean, Miss.’

‘Oh please. I’ve already told you. The baby is mine. I don’t care what twisted plan you have, but you won’t be taking him from me.’

‘It is a boy?’

‘I don’t know, Leslie says it’s too soon to tell, but it doesn’t matter. Bruce’s participation was over when he pulled it out.’

Alfred sighed. He wasn’t mad at her vulgarity anymore, but he looked very tired, very sad.

‘Miss, as I told you before, I am sorry for what I said. And no, I did not try to apologise that day because I already knew you were with child. I really did not know. And I would never take a baby from his mother.’

Selina said nothing, he continued.

‘And I was not lying when I said I do not know where Master Bruce is. I have tried the best I could, but he is not using any of his money, none of his numbers are working anymore, my letters returned. I do not even know if he is dead or alive. That boy was my whole life, and now the only thing that might have survived of him is you and the child in your belly.’

Selina felt like her heart was turned to lead, it was so heavy it was hard to breathe. Bruce couldn’t… He couldn’t…

‘So what?’ She managed ‘It doesn’t mean you have any right over us.’

‘I know. But I am begging you, Miss Kyle. Let me help.’ And there was so much despair in his voice, Selina felt sorry for him.

ooo

'So you’re really not coming?’

Nikki pushed a piece of hair the wind had blown to her face, Selina hugged herself to keep warm, it was very cold in the harbour, she was grateful for the new larger jackets that Barbara had given her. She was dumping on Selina a lot of her pregnancy stuff, most of it was useless, why would she wear so many maternity sequin party dresses?

‘Yeah… Sorry about that.’

‘It’s fine I guess. But you are really sure about raising a baby in this place? I mean, it was already a dump before…’

Selina actually laughed at that.

‘I know, right? But, I think it might get better now. So many changes happening. Maybe it was a shitty place for us, but it won’t be for her. And my doctor is here.’

‘It’s a her now?’

‘I don’t know, I keep trying both.’

‘Oh, I know about that.’

They both giggled at the lame joke.

‘Good luck, Nikki.’

‘Thank you. Good luck you too, and the baby. It was nice to meet you again, Selina.’

——————————————————————————

We are, finally, about to reach the timeskip. I don’t know you all but I’m ready to have Bruce back, I miss him.

I hope I didn’t give a pro-forced birth vibe in this chapter, I’m veeeery pro-choice, and I tried had to not use problematic language when it came for Selina deciding to keep her baby.

Also, the whole Selina and Alfred dynamic was really tough to write, because as I said before, I don’t enjoy the characterization of Gotham’s Alfred very much. But I hope I made a decent job.

Till next time, don’t forget to wash your hands and tell me what you are thinking of this story.

#batcat #baby batcat #gotham #selina kyle #bruce wayne #catwoman #batman #my fic #Four Names for Love

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grandthorkiday · 5 years

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Mob AU “Playthings” Part 24

[Link to mob!au anon’s “Playthings" fic tag]

[Start at Part 1]*

(*Note: Link is editable for other parts, just change the number. For mobile users, tag is “playthings part1”)

Note from @loxxxlay: MOB ANON HAS REVEALED THEMSELVES!! They are @red-shadow-wolf-19 and they have plans to write more Grandthorki in the future! Go follow them for more of their fics <3

They dragged him out of the bedroom when it was announced on the news the next morning. He knelt in front of the large flat screen, amongst the games controllers that had been his brother’s solice, and watched as the a newscaster said in a sympathetic but efficient manner, “Thor Valhalla was found this morning in critical condition after what appears to be an assault. He was rushed to a hospital but pronounced dead on arrival. He was thirty two.”

“The Brat is dead! Long live the Brat!” Mario crowed, and the crew laughed.

Gast used one finger to lift Loki’s face to his. “You always have your exit strategy, sweetheart. Remember?” He said it almost kindly.

“M-may I go back to the bedroom?”

Back away from the crew and stares, Loki bent over the toilet and threw up in peace. He sobbed into the tile floor, aware that no one this time would come in and stroke his hair or hold him or sing some stupid song from their childhood. It was just him now.

They next day, they dragged him out again. This time because he had to cook breakfast. Life goes on.

Gast began making the rounds on the radio shows, calling in to dramatically cry about the death of one of his lost soulmates. He kept Loki in his lap, hugging him close like a stuffed animal. Occasionally the host would ask after the brunette. Grandmaster’s eyes would flick up to his, and he would politely look away. “In no fit state to talk to anyone, sadly.”

Naturally, that really wasn’t the case. Around three o'clock, Loki found a phone being shoved in his face as he laid on the bed.

“Call the hospital. Tell them you want the body. You can do that, you’re family.” There was an emphasis on ‘family’ that made his skin crawl, but he took the phone and did as he was told. Thor had told him to be good.

[read more cut]

The hospital, unfortunately, was making it difficult. “I’m so sorry, Mr. Valhalla, but Mr. Thor Valhalla’s body was released to your Father already. You will have to speak to him and your sister. I am so sorry for your loss.”

“I-I am his…,” he could barely say the words. He’d wanted to scream them for the last six to seven years, and now he barely had the energy to form a syllable.

“I’m so sorry.”

When he hung up and explained the situation, the slap to the face was almost welcome. “Call your sister! I want his body!”

Thor would have cheekily asked why he hadn’t kept it. He would have couched it as a light-hearted question. Loki simply dialled from memory Hela’s number and said nothing.

“I want Thor’s body,” he said with preamble once she answered the phone.

“Oh, Loki! I-”

“Please, Hela. I want to bury him. We-” he glanced at Gast who looked back at him expectantly, “we want to bury him.”

“After he-”

“He’s my husband, Hela…we got married. Did you know that? I’m legally allowed to have a say over what happens to his…remains.”

“I know, Loki. He told us.”

Loki took a shakey breath, the painful reminder of why Thor wasn’t there twisting in gut like a knife. “Hela, don’t make me fight you in court. Don’t make him fight you. Please, right now…”

“Daddy wants to bury Thor too.” It was said quickly, cutting him off.

“Near Mom?” he couldn’t help the hope that entered his voice.

“N-no. Um…he’s having Thor cremated and buried in another plot.” There was a quick and muffled dialogue on the other end of the phone before she came back. “I suppose we could um…share….him. Split the ashes.”

Loki felt like vomiting again. “Split the ashes?” He glanced at the Grandmaster who shrugged and nodded his assent. “O-okay.”

They arranged when he would come to pick up the ashes. Hela tried to invite him to their private funeral service, but he hung up on her instead. He had to be good. He had to survive. Grandmaster kissed his forehead and tucked him into bed for that.

That’s when he brought 'the trophy’ out. Loki nearly screamed and fled the bedroom, but he forced himself to remain where he was. The older man placed the glass container of strange viscous liquid on the bedside counter. The blue iris of Thor’s eye looked unreal and otherworldly, the veins and disconnected tissue floating out like tentacles or rays of lightning. Loki looked at it in morbid fascination.

“I said, it was his best feature,” Gast said simply, running a finger down the side of the glass.

“Yes.”

“Well one of his best features. But you can’t persevere an ass.”

“That’s why you called him Sparkles. Because of his eyes.”

“It’s not like he shot lightning or something.”

“May I keep his things? At least his drawings?”

“I guess. But keep them somewhere neat. I don’t want them everywhere,” he reached over and laid out three more items: a needle, a small bag of blue crystals, and a lighter. He left, without another word as Loki took them.

~2020~

He honestly couldn’t remember clearly the last few months. He remembered the funeral. Gast had made an emotional fifteen minute eulogy before bringing him to the front of the packed church to speak. He stood at the lectern, stuttering out something unintelligible before breaking down into sobs at the sight of the blown up picture of Thor. He had been gathered into the Grandmaster’s embrace, though they didn’t leave the altar. The cameras and the world needed to see him.

After that, his life was series of color and moments of sobriety. He tried to stay away from harder stuff, keeping mostly to alcohol and weed, but Gast kept giving him the crystals when he got 'too weepy’. He now slept and lived permanently in the master bedroom. He didn’t have to cook much anymore, mostly because no one trusted him around a stove. But he was good. Perfect. So they couldn’t complain.

Sometimes, he could forget everything. Gast would hold him in his lap during one of the numerous meetings, and Loki would simply exist, as though he had been willed into being just to please this man. Then, he would catch sight of the bar, or maybe something would brush across his cheek and it would come all crashing back. He would hug the man closer, for there was no one else he was allowed to touch anymore, and he would be given a glass of alcohol to keep quiet.

“My poor Lo Lo. All alone now.” He forgets when this was said to him exactly, but the ridiculous sweater he remembers Gast wearing made him think of Christmas. “Maybe I should get you a buddy. An itsy bitsy friend?”

He remembers the tablet being pushed into his face so he could stare at a Facebook page. The kid barely looked out of high school, standing in his board shorts and tank top, his brown hair being picked up by a breeze. He had a wide innocent smile as showed off a farmer’s tan. The photo was posted by Peter Parker, with a caption 'this boi thirsty! For lemonade it’s hooooott’ followed by a confusing jumble of emojis.

Loki had felt his stomach twist and an emotion akin to jealousy and guilt with a twinge of nostalgia settle there. But he was good. Perfect. So he had said as brightly as possible, “He’s cute!”

“I knew you would like him!” Grandmaster had cooed, as though he had picked out a puppy. He had kissed Loki so sweetly, again he almost forget everything. Even Thor’s eye still on the bedside counter.

Loki was slightly drunk when the police finally came to arrest the Grandmaster. They had been expected, but late. To the mobster’s delight he had made quite a scene. They had been at a restaurant, watching Peter, Loki still stalling the inevitable when they had came, led by Bruce Banner. He had tried to scratch the cuffs away and nearly punched Bruce’s face. To the man’s credit, he had been very gentle and guided him back to his seat before continuing. Gast naturally was home the next day, already gloating.

This time the DA did not push for a gag order. They seemed rather unconcerned with what the Grandmaster said or did. And he took full advantage of that fact.

“We’re still mourning our Thor and they do this! After his family would not come to the funeral!”

“Awful,” the interviewer said, shaking her head sympathetically. “Loki, do you have anything to add.”

“Why are they doing this to us? Haven’t…haven’t we lost enough?” He broke down with each word. They didn’t cut away as he choked and sobbed. It made for good television, he supposed.

When they DA announced they had a secret witness, there was a large meeeting in the penthouse about who it was. No one suspected Loki; he rarely left the apartment anymore, and if he could get away with it he stayed mostly in the bedroom. Besides, the secret witness was apparently in protective custody. Anyone who was late or didn’t attend the meeting immediately fell under suspicion and fingers were pointed even at those who showed up early. It was utter chaos. Gast loved it. Loki slipped away to the bedroom with a bottle of wine.

The day of the opening of the trial, Loki was woken up and made to put on the clothes he had worn at the funeral. They were a little too big on him now, he had lost some weight since then, but he still looked impressive. His eyes were bloodshot from all the drinking and drugs, so they gave him a pair of sunglasses.

“Can you even walk a straight line,” Gast asked him mockingly. He could, but his hands shook. They gave him a flask for his pocket and a packet of cigarettes. He didn’t have a wallet or cellphone anymore. He hadn’t since Thor died. All the money under his and his husband’s old mattress had been taken and redistributed to the penthouse crew, except for a hundred dollars which Loki had used for his last solo trip in the city to pick up Thor’s ashes.

The courthouse was packed with the press and the public when they arrived. Gast waved good-humoredly at them as they entered. He made a big production of helping Loki to his seat, kissing and fawning over him. He let the sunglasses dip for a moment so people could see his eyes. Naturally, the press would assume it was because of tears not alcohol. Topaz settled in next to him, a more 'comforting’ figure than Mario.

Stark and Romanov entered, ignoring the press as they went to their table. They spoke in low voices and passed a cellphone and a tablet back and forth between them. Loki didn’t pay attention, keeping his eyes forward on Gast and trying to memorize the New York seal on the judge’s bench.

“All rise!” called the bailiff. The courthouse stood as a small heavily whiskered man soon and settled himself in the high bench. “The Honorable Patel preceding.”

“Sit down,” the judge said, fiddling with papers on his desk as the courthouse sat. “I will hear opening statements. Mr. Stark?”

The ADA stood and spoke very succinctly. They had evidence of weapon trafficking as well as drug trafficking. They also had evidence of sexual and physical assault, and conspiracy to attempt murder. Gast, he explained rather dryly, was a danger to the city and society and had manipulated his way out of justice before. “Hopefully, he won’t this time. With your help,” he concluded, thanking the jury.

Gast’s lawyer stood as soon as Stark sat and began to dramatically recount the last year: the DA’s first attempt to sully the Grandmaster by manipulating his lover, Loki which resulted in Loki’s suicide attempt. The brunette shifted uncomfortably in his seat at being part of this, but he made no move to shield himself from view. Then, he spoke about losing Thor to thugs collecting a gambling debt. Bile rose in his throat at that, but he pushed it down. He was good. Perfect.

“And now, DA is dragging this man and his loved ones back into court not four months after burying his beloved as some sick way to get votes. Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, you have the poor to end this! Listen to the weakness of this case, and then find En Dwi Gast not guilty!” A few people in the gallery clapped, causing the judge to bang his gavel a few times.

“Stark, are you ready to proceed with your secret witness?”

“Already? Blowing your load a little early, aren’t you?” Gast quipped. The gallery laughed. The gavel fell.

“This is not an open mic night. Please refrain from comments. Mr. Stark?”

Tony nodded, dialled a number on his phone and said a few words. A side door opened. The room gasped.

Loki didn’t look at first. He was good. Perfect. But finally when Gast gasped as well, he swiveled his head robotically around. He let out a cry.

Thor stood, supporting himself on a cane and Valkyrie’s arm. He had an eye patch his left eye and his hair had gotten a little longer than the Grandmaster ever let it grow. Every step he made to the witness box was slow and pained, but he barely seemed to care. His one eye found the defense side of the room and he glared with venom at the older man.

Loki’s limbs moved on their own. He stood, knocking over Topaz. By the time the woman had recovered, he had walked out of the gallery. Gast was calling to him, using all the sweet nicknames he had. It made not an ounce of difference. The judge was saying something and the bailiff tried to intercept him but Val had waved him off as Stark shouted to be heard.

He was standing in front of Thor, the sun streaming over them from the high windows. Thor’s expression had softened as he had gotten closer. He was crying now, reaching out to him, stroking his face tenderly like he had the last time they had seen one another. Loki took the hand before launching into his arms, nearly knocking him to the ground.

The brothers held one another for several moments, the courtroom holding their breath as they spoke in hushed and hurried voices. Finally, the younger let go, turning to Stark. He spoke in a watery voice slightly hoarse from months of crying, drinking, and disuse.

“Can I be added to the witness list, too?”

#frostmaster #thundermaster #thorki #loki #thor #grandmaster #GrandthorkiB #sfw #fic #cw dubcon #cw noncon implied #cw suicidal ideation #cw mental illness #cw drugs #cw rl drugs #playthings #submission #playthings part24

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exspirience · 7 years

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journal - 4th of march 2018

i watched some of spoonofconsciousness’ amazing videos about the matrix, all the perceived restrictions society has placed on us to keep us looking outward instead of in, where the truth lies. it encouraged me to keep looking in on myself to find answers, and i will do this through continued meditation. i then watched a few videos where he interviewed other spiritual people, and it was so reassuring to hear them use all the exact phrases and concepts i came to adopt through my scientific research and by looking into myself for the logical truth - dimensions, higher selves, geometry, cycles of experience, the all that is, the multiverse and the omniverse. it seems that whenever i start to doubt the existence of these things and fear i’m just deluding myself into some mystical fantasy to make my life more interesting, the universe finds a way to say that, no: other people know of this too, they have for thousands of years, this is all so very, very real. i will try to strengthen my faith.

yesterday i watched another episode of tribe by bruce parry and saw the suffering of natives who are being forced to give up their bond with nature’s spirits for promise of better healthcare, only for diseases given to them by loggers and invaders. i so wish i could go back to when times were better and we were happy and grateul and loving and so much closer to the oneness, but i know that’s not the existence i’m meant for at this moment, and that some day, in another life, i’ll be able to return to the home i long for. it’s just not my time yet. i need to accept and love how things are now, an idea the universe has been trying to guide me to for some time - loving everything that is, how it is, and having no desire to change it.

this is hard for me, because i know how things should be if we are to be happy, and i so desperately want to share that knowledge with the world to help guide people back to peace.

i was guided to a very much needed post in the spirituality tag, reminding me that, while i see the truths behind our reality, i am only one pair of eyes, with only one fragment of the answer, and that every single other person on this planet, no matter what stage of awakening they are at, holds within them another piece of the puzzle. many of my wise ancestors have come to realize their fragments in the distant past, many of my peers are doing so today, and many of my descendants will do so in the future.

i was also reminded by spoonfulofconsciousness that everyone awakens at their own pace, and by a post from a spiritual blog i follow that any change that occurs under influence cannot be considered pure and truthful change. i have heard that some people are alive today to spend their whole lives asleep, and that the karmic lessons they gain from these experiences are exactly what will lead them to enlightenment whenever it is their time.

this makes me wonder: is pursuing my goal of writing a book to help guide people to the truth what i’m meant to be doing? is it my life’s purpose, as i’ve been thinking for weeks? i don’t want to follow the wrong path and initiate change where it isn’t meant to happen, but i don’t want to sit by idly if i could genuinely help us along the right path by communicating my ideas to the world. i know that the greatest gift i can give to the world is my own spiritual awakening and healing, and that this is what i should prioritize, but if i could do more good for the world than that, i would want to.

i suppose it all comes down to whether it is my purpose or not, and at the moment i don’t know what is. i plan to reach out to a spiritual teacher for advice or a trustworthy reading, but i know ultimately it is my own question to answer.

however, acknowledging that my spiritual journey should be my priority has brought up some new concerns. i’m more than aware that i am in a significantly unsuitable environment for such indepth introspective thinking. i live with the constant, looming presence of my parents, very judgemental people who at this point would never accept or understand anything i was going through. this prevents me from expressing myself how i’d truly like to - i am always having to duck and dodge away from them, and have to wait until late in the night to smoke and meditate.

on top of that, their behaviours can be very destructive; my mother spends our money on things we don’t need - new bathroom tiles, new clothes, new handbags, a new couch, instead of food or a functioning dishwasher. she also has emotional problems rooted in her childhood that she chooses to take out on every member of the family, especially my poor father who takes the blow for each of her mistakes. even so, i am working on removing my judgement for her and even eventually forgiving her, but i cannot ignore the disruptive energy and unbalance she is bringing to this household. i previously tried to fight against her impact with aggression, which ultimately almost destroyed my parents’ marriage - i wish she would just take responsibility for her actions and acknowledge the effect she is having on all of us. it feels like a fight i just can’t win.

i also have some personal greivances with my parents - a strange sense of stubbornness stemming from my childhood and all throughout my life, where i feel i have to prove myself to them - prove i am who i say i am, that this is my personality, my identity, and that i will not back down from it or ever let them have the last word. unraveling this, coming to peace with it, forgiving myself and opening up to them even when they do not to me will be one of the bigger milestones in my journey, and will serve me greatly as it is such a personal and intimate source of conflict. opening my heart to people i’ve been psychologically battling with my entire life is a frightening thought, but one i know i must tackle thoroughly sooner or later.

another challenge is that i also have a close bond with my younger brother - a young boy who spends all of his time obsessively gaming and distracting himself, keeping up with every social trend imaginable. he constantly begs me for money to upgrade something as insignificant as his gaming setup, because he has been told that this is what will make him happy, and persistently begs for new video games to play with me. he is so overwhelmingly in touch with current societal culture, that he ends up drawing me in to it - forcing me to readopt the ego i’m so desperately trying to rid myself of, putting on the mask of my personality again and indulging in his futile distractions for hours and hours of my day, sometimes for entire days at a time.

additionally, he becomes very upset when i do not spend time with him - he has plenty of school and online friends but doesn’t usually hang out with anyone in person, i am essentially his best friend and his only source of company when he is at home. this means that whenever i decide to take a day to meditate on myself and explore the knowledge that awaits me, i both have to suffer through him intermediately barging into my room and demanding my presence, and then i must turn him down and nurse him so he isn’t upset by it. and even after that, he makes me swear to spend time with him the next day to make up for it.

i so very deeply need time to myself in this step of my journey - time to abandon the persona i put on when i’m around other people and focus on only behaving according to the voice in my mind, and then challenging problematic and restricting parts of said mind to fully dissolve my ego and open myself up to love. it’s like i’m living a double life - a witty, sarcastic, fun loving fellow people know as alex, and a deep, sorrowful, grateful and kind soul who only wishes to overcome the boundaries it has set up for itself to prevent it from being who it truly is, the person who will add love to the world simply by being. i feel so torn, not wanting to disappoint my brother but also being unable to stay away from my calling.

at the moment, my best solution to this is to adjust my sleep time table so that i sleep through the day when the others are awake, and to wake during the night to exist only as me, completely alone in my room, so that i have the quiet time i need to fully immerse myself into my true form, my soul. when i am in this state, that i accomplish through meditation, sometimes combined with smoking and a ceremony, i can feel my ego physically eroding away - dissolving into nothingness, leaving only my core being behind. i feel otherworldly, i understand every thought and feeling i have, i know exactly who i am, where i came from and how i got here. waking up the following afternoon is so incredibly jarring, being forced to take on the role of alex once again... sometimes i feel like i’m just leading a fake life, which, essentially i am, but because it fits so naturally with the constructed world around me, it’s the path i so often find myself taking.

what i really, truly need in order to nurture my spiritual soul is a long, isolated period of time, time for me to cast aside the briefly satisfying distractions and the everweighing obligations that do nothing but hold me back from achieving my life’s purpose. and while it is stressful that i cannot yet be in that environment, i must remain diligent, calm and patient, and know that better times are coming, so there is no reason to resent the now. still though, i can’t help but long for a better time, a better place - but longing will do nothing on its own, and stressing will only detriment that journey. i must work with what i have each and every day, constantly taking steps towards my goal and living in the now. this is what i must meditate on and put into practice if i am to live a happy life and reach my goal.

#spirituality #shamanism #journaling #new age

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thatdarnblogagain · 7 years

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Top 10 Street Fighter Pretty Boys(Playable)

I am an equal opportunity sort of guy. If I do a top 8 female list I will also do a list of men because I am sure my blog is not limited to one gender or sexual preference. So let’s get started!!!

Number 10: Fei Long

Fei Long is hot tempered and brash but has the skills to back up his impulsive nature. Based off Martial Arts Legend, Bruce Lee, Fei Long is a beast who also manages to make an other wise plain design work. Seriously you can cosplay as this guy if you have the body for it and spend a $100 dollars max.

It does not hurt that he goes topless, allowing all who like rippling abs and biceps to enjoy while he kicks in foes’ faces. So why so low on the list? Because he boring as ****!!!

Number 9: Rashid

He’s rich! Acrobatic! Charming! And has one of the sickest theme songs to date in the Street Fighter Franchise. Rashid is an awesome character out of the gate with a TON of personality. Someone ask him to donate some to Fei Long!

He is only this low because of how annoying fighting against him is and that stupid *** beard! DA HELL! His alternate costumes show that Rashid is a pretty good dresser, which is always a plus as a guy, on top of having you know…a personality and an income.

Number 8: Alex

If you like muscles but Abigail, Zangief and Hugo are far too buff then you will love Alex. A grappler character who while buff is still not steroid buff. Opting to go topless this New York native was a heart throb for quite a few in the Third Strike era since Remy was busy being an Edge Lord *****.

Why so low then? Because there are others on the list that just outshine him. That said, Alex is straight to the point and matter of fact about his views always hoping to become stronger, sort of like another character on this list.

Number 7: Ryu

Silent! Stoic! Strong! Those words pretty much capture what Ryu truly is! Preferring to let his fists do the talking, having a bloody intro that states that fact in Street Fighter 4, Ryu has the body of weight lifter but the persona of monk. A monk that will feed you your teeth and then say sorry after by taking you for a cookie. Hell! M.Bison/Vega, Akuma, Ken, Sakura, sometimes Chun Li, C.Viper, Gouken, Juni, Juli, and Rose all have their eyes on this guy…for very different reasons.

Ryu is only this low because he is BROKE AS **** and more prone to long walks at night…alone while he tries to figure out the path to true power. Dude is obsessed with battle and if Goku is any indication, family life is not meant for Ryu.

Number 6: Dudley

Dudley is the pinnacle of a gentleman! He will be pouring you tea one moment and the next moment KOing “Gutter Trash” who dare to sully your name. This English Boxer is the second boxer to Street Fighter but by far the classier and more refined of the two.

Never showing much skin, Dudley’s tailored clothing still show how well built he is for any encounter, whether in the ring, street or sheets with whom ever he desires. Also he is rich as hell, with a bad@$$ style, and look to him. Gold diggers rejoice! CALM YOURSELVES!!!! Have some dignity!!!

Number 5: Guy

So Guy is that one dude at school who is good at everything. He is the silent type, with quiet confidence and almost unshakable resolve! To add to that...he is a ninja! Dude has looks, skill, and he is a NINJA!!! Too bad he is such a freaking goodie two shoes.

Guy is that character who seems to believe in absolute justice and can do nothing wrong. I mean that is begging for a punch buuuuuuuut…he is a ninja, and not real.

Number 4: Gill

That thong, thong, thong, thong, thong, thong! If ever someone says Street Fighter objectifies women and not men, please show them the above pic. Gill only just beats out his brother Urien for a few simple reasons. Urien is bat s*** out of his mind! Gill is the EMPEROR of his organization, which means he wipes that toned butt of his with your money. And also…Gill is the closest street Fighter has ever had to a “god” (F*** out of here with that Oni talk).

That said, Gill is also the leader of a bloody cult/clandestine group, so dating him may result in some late nights with his “friends” singing around a campfire…with you inside it. I kid! I think…Hey on the plus side you know what you are working with since he wears less than most of the women in the Street Fighter Franchise.

Number 3: Vega

You thought Urien was crazy!!?!?! Well he is but while Urien hates people because he has a god complex, Vega hates anyone who he deems fugly! Which is worse!!??! Why even try to find out? This guy is pretty (Not handsome! He prefers pretty or beautiful!) knows it, with a bank account that would make most people swoon if the looks do not work (they will). He is also charming to no end buuuuuuut….

This fool is crazy!!!! Vega once killed a butler who told the spanish ninja that he was still an Adonis despite a minuscule scar you would need a microscope to see. Vega said “F*** that!” and killed the poor guy. Also he may spend more time admiring himself than you. So if you like them alluring, Vega is your guy, just do not touch his face or you know…just do not date a guy who is crazy, like these next two.

Number 2: Ken Masters

Ken is Vega if the latter was not nuts. This blonde karate master has the looks, the money and the morale compass that most would want in a guy,along with a healthy dose of self confidence. He knows he is bloody good at what he does and you are going to know it too, by way of him telling you or his fists doing so (in the ring of course). Ken is a good guy with the ability to talk smack and back it up while being a family man and CEO.

Intelligent, brave, handsome, rich, confident, and just! Ken has it all...alas Mr.Masters is such a catch he already has a family sooooooo…on to number one!!!

Number 1: Cody

Cody is not a bad boy. He is THE bad boy! He is that guy who gives zero f**** what you think about him. He encompasses the qualities of speaking his mind, standing his ground and never backing down. That said, despite his delinquent nature, Cody is a truly good guy at heart, who is simply brooding (gfto remy, no one likes you!). He has the disheveled good looks people tend to like, with enough muscle mass to be able to break through a concrete wall…with a rock.

He is flawed and he knows it, unlike many on this list, putting him on a different level. He makes no pretenses about himself and what you see for the most part is what you get. A troubled man with his own moral code.

If you want a guy who can defend you, most of the guys on this list can do that but Cody has done it, time and time again and even broke out of jail to save the world…and beat up people but who wants to sweat minor details. This is a knight in not so shining armor who will come through when the chips are down, once he can let off some steam.

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theteller-marvelandtarot · 8 years

Text

Avengers Preference #1

Your Song

(Gif credits to owner)

Steve Rogers/Captain America: Sunday Morning (Acoustic) - Maroon 5

“But things just get so crazy, living life gets hard to do

And I would gladly hit the road, get up and go if I knew

That someday it would lead me back to you

That someday it would lead me back to you”

You were a barista at a privately owned café in New York. He went in one day after Tony told him about it and how it would be such a good place to relax and sketch. The second he saw you and you saw him, you just clicked. Your easygoing, kind, and understanding personality was just what he needed as a reminder of the simple things in life. And he added some excitement to yours. You were kind of an old soul so being with a man who is literally from the 40s seemed perfect.

It was the day after he had came home from a mission. You were singing along to the radio and making breakfast while he got his rest. The song was “Sunday Morning”. You sang along and thought of Steve right away. As he laid in bed and listened to you sing along, he realized that the song described how he loved you to a tee. He smiled and walked out to the kitchen. He pulled you away from the stove and decided to just dance with you. You hadn’t danced together yet, but in the moment it felt like the perfect time. Sure, you may have burnt some pancakes, but neither of you had a care in the world.

Thor Odinson: House On Fire - Sia

“So take me to the heavens now

As we burn down, as we are found

Take me to the heavens now

My heart screams out”

You never intended on having a serious relationship with The God of Thunder. It just sort of happened. The two of you established this fling. You enjoyed the flirting, the teasing, the making out, the playfulness. But this quickly turned into a serious situation. Emotions started to get involved, but neither of you protested these feelings. After the two of you finally slept together after eight months of teasing and flirting, you realized there was so much more to your relationship. He realized this, too. You actually asked him out on an official date first, which impressed him even more. You kept that playfulness in your relationship after all this time, but mixed with so much love.

Now the two of you have been together for five years now. After five years, you’re just now finding a song that describes how you feel about Thor, and how he feels about you. Thor had recently discovered Sia and had asked you to play some of her songs on a long car ride. When House On Fire came on, both of your hearts melted. You understood each lyric and the emotion behind each word. Thor doesn’t understand what couples having a song really means, but he’s all for it.

Tony Stark/Iron Man: Alone Together - Fall Out Boy

“I don't know where I'm going,

But I don't think I'm coming home

And I said, I'll check in tomorrow if I don't wake up dead

This is the road to ruin and we're starting at the end”

Between his breakup with Pepper and the disaster that is the Sokovian Accords, Tony’s been a total mess. He feels like he has no one to vent to. So he calls you. You were an old friend of his. By old friend, you were one of his usual flings back when he was younger. The two of you kept in touch over the years and, since your divorce with your husband, you could use an old flame right now. After hours of venting to each other, you ending up kissing the poor guy. He looked like he was about to cry, and you don’t deal with crying very well. You stayed at his place, since you were living at home again because of the divorce, and things went back to how they were. Sort of. You decided to try dating again, and he remembers just how good he had it with you.

Peter Parker actually introduced the two of you to Fall Out Boy’s song Alone Together. As this teenage boy blared the music from the compound’s training area, you just looked at Tony. He chuckled and agreed that the words in the song were familiar. The song grew on both of you and you, unofficially, call it your song.

Wanda Maximoff/Scarlet Witch: Wherever I Go - Kylie Rothfield

“I know I could lie but I'm telling the truth

Wherever I go there's a shadow of you

I know I could try looking for something new

But wherever I go, I'll be looking for you”

You broke up with Wanda after the whole Ultron incident because she became distant. She was busy with training and didn’t have as much time for you as she used to. You couldn’t handle being shut out, but once it was over, you were lost. You couldn’t send her those “Good morning, Gorgeous” texts. You couldn’t text her about the old man who looked at you funny when you sang along to your music at the red light today. All these little things added up, and you wanted her back. She wanted you, too, but she assumed you were done with her.

You surprised her by serenading a sultry and soulful cover of Wherever I Go to your ex-girlfriend in front of the whole compound. You didn’t make a huge fuss. You didn’t call out Wanda or even say her name. But she knew it was for her. It was all just for her and she couldn’t wait to get her hands on you later on.

Bruce Banner/Hulk: Let Me Love You - Glee Cast Version (Originally performed by Ne-Yo)

“I can see the pain behind your eyes

It's been there for quite a while

I just wanna be the one to remind you what it is to smile

I would like to show you what true love can really do”

You and Bruce had dated before The Avengers. You were a reporter in Calcutta and needed a translator for interviews when yours quit mid-documentary. So, Bruce offered to help you after you got a sick little girl to ask for you. During the time you spent together, things ended up getting intimate. He warned you about “The Other Guy”, but you were convinced he had everything under control. But when he was called in to join The Avengers, you parted ways. But your paths have crossed again in Australia. He is now staying with you and is living a relatively normal life with you.

Every time he thinks that he may have an incident you play your song for him. The slowed down version of Let Me Love You always makes him feel relaxed. You don’t know why, but the first time he nearly got angry with you being present, you just started to calmly sing that song to him. It calms him down every time.

Sam Wilson/Falcon: Treasure - Bruno Mars

“Treasure, that is what you are

Honey you're my golden star

You know you can make my wish come true

If you let me treasure you

If you let me treasure you”

You and Sam met when you were a guest at The Avengers party. You work in the same building as Sam does. While he helps veterans with PTSD, you help teens coping with mental illness. He’s noticed you, but you haven’t noticed him until the party. Steve introduces the two of you officially. You and Sam hit it off right away. You’ve been together for a year now. He treats you like gold. You’re like his queen. You treat him like a king. You have a disgustingly cute relationship filled with love, laughter, and constant, playful roasting of one another.

You had a long day at work, and Sam knew it. He planned on making his girl feel better and show off that beautiful smile of hers the second she walked through the front door. So he got some gold boxers, had the lights dimmed, and had the music ready to rumble. He picked the song himself, having a thing for Bruno Mars. He serenaded you and danced with you around the apartment while Treasure played in the background. You couldn’t help but laugh and smile like a goof. So, now when either of you is upset, the other will sing this song to them. It’s a good system.

Pietro Maximoff/Quicksilver: Halo - Beyoncé

“I swore I'd never fall again

But this don't even feel like falling

Gravity can't forget

To pull me back to the ground again”

You and Pietro didn’t have a long relationship. You hadn’t had the chance. The two of you met during Strucker’s experiments. You two did like each other and made it quite clear to the other. The two of you were very touchy in private and weren’t shy about telling each other how much you cared. You two were pretty much in a relationship. You just didn’t consider it a relationship. You weren’t quite sure if you could have a relationship. He promised you that after the fight against Ultron he would take you out on a real date.

The day after what happened in Sokovia, you heard this song playing on the radio. Every word of it was so powerful to you in that moment. Before you and Pietro had began dating, you had your heart broken by being cheated on. You promised yourself you’d give yourself a break. Until you met Pietro. Loving him just came so naturally, and this song described your experience falling for Pietro Maximoff perfectly.

T’Challa/Black Panther: Nothing Really Matters - Mr. Probz

“I see her face

And in my mind

I seize the day

Whenever she's nearby

It's like nothing really matters”

You met T’Challa during a global contest to raise money for those living in Wakanda who deal with poverty. You could win a date with Prince T’Challa himself. The typical dinner and take a picture for publicity type thing, you assumed. Well, that was supposed to be, until he saw you there. He made sure the security he had with him kept their distance. The two of you talked over dinner and you fell for him fast. You went on for a long time after this date. Everyone judged him, at first, for dating a poor woman from America, but he didn’t care. Neither did you. At first you wanted him to break up with you. He was getting terrible publicity but he didn’t care as long as he was with you. And now you are his queen.

You came across this song when you were bored and listening to music on Spotify. When the song came on, you thought of T’Challa. You smiled as you thought of how much nothing else mattered as much to you as T’Challa does now. So, you showed him the song, and he felt the same way. You don’t listen to the song much, but it will always have a special place in each of your hearts.

Bucky Barnes/The Winter Soldier: Past Lives - Børns

“Past lives couldn't ever hold me down

Lost love is sweeter when it's finally found

I've got the strangest feeling

This isn't our first time around”

You and Bucky were together since you were teenagers. The two of you were ultimate relationship goals. You were lovers, best friends, you were engaged. The two of you were in love since the moment you met. But now he forgets you, sort of. He remembers being in love with someone. He remembers all of the feelings and memories, but he doesn’t remember you. Until Steve introduces the two of you easily. It was hard looking at the man you’ve loved pretty much your whole life, knowing he doesn’t know you. But the second his eyes meet yours, it all comes back.

While you were teaching him about modern pop culture, you came across the song Past Lives. The words really spoke to the two of you, considering your situation. Plus the beat made Bucky smile, which was a bonus.

Vision: With Or Without You - U2

“Through the storm we reach the shore

You give it all but I want more

And I'm waiting for you”

You were Vision’s go-to person when it came to questions about human life. He was becoming increasingly confused and you gave him the best answers. Simple, but not vague. Detailed, but not confusing. You also just made him feel happy. You made him laugh, which you loved seeing. You loved to help Vision. It made you feel so intelligent and trusted. But the more the two of you talked, the more you wanted to get to know him. But he was a mystery, even to himself. You didn’t mind helping him discover himself, though. He loved hearing you tell stories. He would take any chance he had to talk to you.

You were going through well-known songs to introduce Vision to when you came across With Or Without You. This song is what sparked the conversation of having feelings for each other. He described how it felt when he was around you, and it was the same way you felt with him. You felt happy, intrigued, warm. Your heart raced when you were with him but you also felt at ease. So did he.

Natasha Romanoff/Black Widow: We Don’t Have to Take Our Clothes Off - Ella Eyre

“A quick hit, that's your game.

But I'm not a piece of meat, stimulate my brain, no.

The night is young, so are we.

Let's just get to know each other, slow and easily, oh”

Quick and easy. That’s how Natasha liked her relationships before she met you. She just didn’t connect with anyone the way she did with you. You seemed like the opposite of her type, too. Cliché, romantic, dorky, cheesy, kind of awkward. But she loved all of that. She loved you, there was no denying it. She loved your personality. She loved how you’d send her random “I love you” texts. She loved how your face would light up each time you passed a bookstore. She loved how you’d always have her favorite meals waiting for her on a long day. She loved your crappy jokes. She loved making you blush. She didn’t need anything more than that, and neither did you. Not with her.

Once you discovered this beautiful song, you couldn’t wait to show Nat. But you did it the most romantic way you could. Her favorite flowers petals leaving a trail to your living room, where you had her favorite chocolates and wine waiting for her. This song played in the background, and she was absolutely fine with this song choice.

Clint Barton/Hawkeye: arms. - Christina Perri

“I hope that you see right through my walls

I hope that you catch me, 'cause I'm already falling

I'll never let a love get so close

You put your arms around me and I'm home”

Clint was your first partner and you believed your relationship was strictly professional. Just SHIELD partners and nothing more. This was true until you were compromised on a solo mission. You missed Clint more than anyone else. His laugh, his singing, his jokes, his sass, his dry humor. You just missed him, and you hoped that the agents who took you kept him safe. He had never been more worried than he was when you were compromised. He was worried that he’d never see the beautiful person he got to call his partner. He missed your smile, your eyes, your puns, the way you’d laugh at his jokes, even if they weren’t funny. But the second he saw you once you escaped, the two of you hugged. It was the warmest, most meaningful hug you had ever received, or given.

Clint is a huge Christina Perri fan. He loves to belt her music when the two of you are driving around. So, for his birthday one year, you bought him her album “lovestrong.”. The first time either of you had heard the song arms. was on the way home from a mission. The two of you couldn’t help but smile and sing along as you thought of that hug. The hug that made both of you realize you were much more than just partners.

Peter Parker/Spider-Man: YOUTH (Gryffin Remix) - Troye Sivan

“My youth, my youth is yours

A truth so loud you can't ignore

My youth, my youth, my youth

My youth is yours”

You and Peter had been just friends since preschool. But not just friends, best friends. You were the only one who knew he was Spider-Man. The two of you had always had a crush on each other in secret, but this year you knew it would be different. This year you weren’t playing around. This year you would go to the dance as friends as usual, but you weren’t going to let the moment pass by again.

During an upbeat song at the dance (which was YOUTH), you held hands with Peter. He was pleasantly surprised, but he went with it. Right before the big bass drop, you grabbed his face and kissed him. After that, you two were a lot more than just best friends. And you were both more than okay with that.

Scott Lang/Ant-Man: Heart’s On Fire - Passenger

“Well I don't have many and I don't have much

In fact I don't have any but I've got enough

'Cause I know those eyes and I know that touch

I don't have many and I don't have much”

You and Scott dated for a few months before he went to jail for theft. You broke up when he went to jail, but you stayed on good terms. After the first Ant-Man situation and when he found out he could see Cassie again, he asked you if he could stay with you, where Cassie was already comfortable staying. You agreed and Cassie ended up setting the two of you up on a date again. She ended up locking the two of you in the living room. You and Scott talked and you agreed to be with him again. All of the feelings from before came back. It was like you hadn’t even broken up at all.

You found the song Heart’s On Fire before you and Scott got back together, but you had forgotten all about it until Scott was back into your life. On your first date together after the whole Ant-Man thing, the song popped into your head. You got Scott to listen to it and he told you it was exactly how he felt. It was the only cheesy, romantic the two of you have shared, but it’s one you’ll never forget.

#steve rogers #thor #tony stark #wanda maximoff #bruce banner #peter parker #scott lang #clint barton #vision #pietro maximoff #natasha romanoff #bucky barnes #t'challa #marvel #avengers #marvel preference #avengers preference #marvelous-imagines-oneshots #mcu

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