#Who do we want our villains to be? | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

kedreeva · 1 month

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(disclaimer: I am not saying this from a place of hostility to geese)

how did 3-year old you survive feeding geese :( when I was 4 I was feeding ducks and geese (which I was about the same height as at the time) at a local pond and they chased me and tried to bite me until my parents picked me up and ran. I didn't try to scare them and I was a generally quiet child, do I just have Bad Vibes to them or something? or is it something to do with their past experiences/socialization as Pond Ducks/Geese? nowadays whenever a goose or swan so much as starts staring at me I'm like "ok time to go :)"

Without knowing more about the situation, I can't say what particular thing you did, but I can say that geese don't chase people for no reason at all. It's possible you got too close rather than letting them come to you, it's possible you were just plain too close to their nesting site, it's possible you performed a movement that (in goose) suggested your desire to start a dispute. It's possible you were feeding them from your hands and they associated your hands with food, and were simply looking for more food, or attempting to chase you away from the food.

And to be clear, I'm definitely not advocating for people letting small children feed geese, honestly no one should be feeding wild animals, mostly because it familiarizes wildlife with humans and that can be bad, but also because it opens too many opportunities for humans to do the wrong things and end up hurt or scared. As a 4yo, it wasn't your responsibility to know how to interact with geese- it was your parents' job to monitor your actions, the actions and reactions of the geese, and remove you from the situation before it became a problem (or not put you in that position in the first place). The geese are blameless for acting like geese and you are blameless by reason of being 4 years old.

I ALSO want to be clear that being SCARED of something DOES NOT equal HATING something. Hate can stem from fear, and fear can stem from hate, but they are not the same thing. There are PLENTY of people, for example, who are terrified of spiders but who will either remove them from a place with a cup and paper, or fetch someone to do so, to prevent a spider from dying for the crime of being small. You (general) can be afraid of something and still treat it with respect. You do not have to hate the things you are afraid of.

#geese #be afraid of them all you want #it's the people acting like geese are the villains in their origin story that are my problem #asks #anon asks #we always mind our business around waterfowl and other wild birds #I had a group of geese in the street with their babies once #and I needed to leave work to go home #and instead of trying to chase them out of the road #I gave them some of the bird-safe treats in my car and then walks into the grass #and they followed me looking for more #So i tossed some into the grass and left via the now-clear road with no conflict #you just gotta ask them not tell them #and again..... they literally cannot chase you if you don't run #and they're more bark than bite they do not actually want to fight you #unlike swans who DO want to fight you

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nolongerexistingsadcatface · 4 months

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Ok yes America hating the cold is funny (eh) BUT. have you considered that I like the imagery of an America sitting alone in the forest in the bleak mid-winter landscape of an east coast woods, all alone in both body and mind, agonizing over her seeming doom to be stuck in the throes of loneliness for all eternity?

#aph nyo america #aph america #i want engagement <3 #secret confession i actually hate that canonically america doesnt do well in the cold #it gives too much ammo to the west coasters (villains) who can’t let my poor baby alfred be the east coast girl he truly is #also in a broader sense i feel like it creates a weird divide in both the portrayal of america and the connection he has with his country #as its representation #america is one of the most climate diverse countries in the entire world and i feel like making the REPRESENTATION OF AMERICA not be able t #handle a large majority of his country’s climate is an Odd choice and creates an unfortunate barrier between american culture #and the way it’s portrayed in hetalia #imo one of the most amazing parts of the geography of the us is its ability to be a metaphor for the american people #so insanely diverse and fundamentally different and completely irreconcilable—but it works anyways.#the land works together anyways //we// work together anyways we become one anyways despite what any and all logic dictates #what any and all logic DEMANDS #so for america to not be able to represent that cohesion + community—and in fact represent an intense and almost INNATE complete inability #to even try being accepting of and embracing our differences—is just.. not something I like + insinuates a very odd view of American cultur #my eyes are shutting as i type this im so tired #sorry if this is horribly written rip #i see this a lot in the hetalia fandom (IK I JUST DID IT IN THIS POST LMAO BUT I SWEAR I DO IT AS A JOKE; I REALLY DO APPRECIATE THE WEST #COAST AND AM FULLY AWARE OF ITS ROLE IN THE US CULTURE AND FUNCTION) where people write alfred as being almost hostilely exclusionary???#towards certain areas of america—city al who doesn’t like the country; country al who doesn’t like the newfangled cities; northerner al #who hates the southerners (because theyre poor + dont fit the author’s view of respectable people BUT THATS FOR A DIFFERENT POST);southerne #al who hates the northerners—and it’s all very gross to me. america is not—at its core—a country/culture founded on separation!! our ideals #are based on being—at our most basic—separate multi-faceted individuals who COME TOGETHER!! as one because of common ideals and love #E PLURIBUS UNUM!!!!!!#ok im done gn

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nabaath-areng · 7 months

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Fuck Sweden as a nation for turning the woobification of our history and culture into one of our greatest exports, pretending to be wholesome and peaceful while profiting from conflicts elsewhere. For never having the fucking spine to take any stance ever and acting high and mighty for being "neutral", all while frothing at the mouth to get a piece of that colonial cake from the cool kids table where the superpowers are seated. For recognizing Palestine's sovereignty only to then consider a withdrawal of said recognition in response to the current genocide. For allowing islamophobia to get to the point it is now and then pointing fingers at jews as a whole. For giving less of a flying fuck about swedish jews during WW2 and until now, yet patting ourselves on the back and taking credit for heroic deeds done primarily by individuals.

I wish nothing but absolute hell and misery for Ulf Kristersson, who is even more spineless about his inaction than I thought possible. Who had nothing to say about the burnings of the torah and quran, only to claim that he stands for fighting antisemitism. Who puffed up his chest and was acting so tough about the things he would do once he became prime minister, only to hold up on none of his lofty promises in true conservative fashion. Both he and his lackeys (as well as their fanclubs of raging screaming bigots) deserve nothing but hurt and hell for continuing to destroy the lives of all marginalized groups in Sweden, all while shamelessly increasing their own salaries blatantly in the open, to then have the sheer and utter gut to declare that actively supporting genocide is within our best interests.

This country's audacity is one that only became possible because we sacrificed our neighbours safety for the sake of maintaining our own, because when your most recent war was in 1809 it's apparently not possible to even try and comprehend the horrors of modern warfare. That is, besides producing the tools for it to happen elsewhere.

#the complete disdain for compassion and humanity is abhorrent #not to mention incomprehensable #im sorry im all over the place bedridden cause bad pain day which makes me even more angry #because i want to strangle everyone in riksdagen with my bare hands #and like im sorry not to be a state hater or anything (sike) but how #and i mean HOW. can one claim that we know democracy #when the people who supposedly represent the rest of us #can just go ahead and do these types of things willy nilly as they please #how can we claim to have free will when the burdens of having to earn the right to life #by working to death and being left to die if we cant adapt to the system #and being actively drained too dry to dare take risks standing up #how can that ever be freedom?#seeing everything coming out of gaza in video audio images all of it #and feeling hopeless? powerless to do anything?#how is that NOT suppression? to break people down to the point they cant find the spirit to fight?#to cast other regular people as villains so that all energy is spent falling into bigotry?#social media is hell but its also one of our greatest tools now #its like being able to zoom out and see the greater overview of the stranglehold capitalism and colonialism has on the world #im not coherent at all and my thumbs are dying now i just #but sooner or later somethings gotta give re: the way our society is built as a whole globally

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rusanya-does-edits · 2 months

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Something weirdly specific for at least some of us, that we've had in mind for awhile; unfortunately this was the closest we could get with a picrew tbh.

× × × || × × × || × × ×

Like, fortunately for us; while we have some things that irk us with this one, but this hits pretty close in a metaphorical sense at least for the people we're thinking of. Unfortunately for us, some of those are more obvious than others so we hesitated on weather we needed to share this or not LOL.

#stimboard #cn // highly personal #highly personal #GOD THAT PINK IN THE BACKGROUND. SO THREATENING.#THAT “SHE KNOWS” THING A MONTH BACK IN THE GAME SESSION. // OC-related tangent in the tags incoming #(<- hits differently in some situations)#(<- *stares at the plural OCs who we made an entire past for.*)#(<- *stares at the fact their whole thing is. dysphoria made them plural. and THEN they became functionally immortal.*)#(<- you don't skip town for no reason. they lived in a generation where being both would throw them in The Loony Bin)#(<- but only the QUEERNESS became more acceptable later on.)#(<- these bozos are a mirror to our own life and frustration. and that realistically. people are starting to accept endogenics to a degree.#(<- but the world we want and how endos are treated is NOT going to happen next yer. it MIGHT happen in like 20 years.)#(<- “she knows” has been and always will be our greatest fear and pushing through that is HARD.)#(<- So what would it look like INSTEAD to be hiding under queerness. which is still stigmatized as hell)#(<- but you can AT LEAST find a margin of community somewhere that isn't full of abusers and bootlickers/idenity-medicalists for that ID)#NONE OF THIS IS NEGATIVE we're actually kind of glad the GM saw the full implications of that even implicitly -#- getting the shivers just remembering that. But also it's interesting to implement that onto their younger singletsona lmao.#WERE SO PISSED THO THAT WE COULDNT FIND A GREYSCALE MASK THAT WASNT. HORROR OR PARTY. THESE FUCKERS ARE NOT VILLAINS YNKOW.#like how the fuck do we have a hoard of gifs in our tumblr likes and found NOTHING for that specifically lolsob?#yes these ARE the same two chucklefucks we blabbed on and on about for like a week on our main account.#but its their “singletsona”. kind of. kind of sort of. we have wholeass ideas on this narratively.#like we just need to WRITE as in actually write but the issue is every time we do we hit A Wall(tm)#but yeah. anyways. we have headmates playing a TTRPG and we may have projected our frustrations onto two OCs that we don't even play. 😭😭😭

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fairy-spring · 10 months

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You know, the same people who complain about fans wanting a more complex Zelda story would laud the fanmade romhacks, but only as long as brown people are still the villains to make it easy on them

#idk how many fanfics just default to making the Gerudo the villains #or Ganondorf is just a sadistic man who tortures people for funsies #and does nothing but sit in his chair sipping wine while people fight to the death #and if it isn’t Ganondorf it’s an obvious Ganondorf expy #and that apparently is enough for these people #‘yes the Sheikah have these fucked up rituals we made up to fuel our angst’#and that’s supposed to justify the royal family using them to do their dirty work???#‘I want a simple black and white story’ it’s okay sweetie just say you can’t think critically

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blk-xniverse · 7 months

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This year's just... yearing.

#So tired of folks thinking they can play in my face + continue to be disrespectful with little to no consequences in return #I am NOT the same girl I used to be #I'm not just gon sit on my hands + take it AND that infuriates them SO bad #cause it's like... 'who do you think you are??? you think you allowed to take up for yourself??? defend yourself?? set BOUNDARIES???'#and that shit blows bc then they feel like they can challenge me to see if I'll fold or not which is even more disrespectful on top of the -#- shit that was already going on in the first place #like if I gotta go through AAAALLL that for a weak ass connection then I gladly let it go but don't let me say that -#- bc then it's an even BIGGER showdown bc I be letting em know that if they gon keep disrespecting me + my folks then they need to get tf on #very simple terms imo but mfs want to fight + be passive-aggressive all day like.... ain't nobody got the time nor the energy for allat fr #and as soon as me and my sisters stand our ground we magically become the villains and the bad guys #and this shit is spread to whoever is willing to listen and this shit irks so bad sometimes ngl bc idfw ppl lying on our characters #this year has completely SUCKED in terms of my connections with ppl and that makes me real life not want to talk to anybody ever again bc #ppl always pretending to be something they not to get what they want out of us #+ as soon as we fall short/make a mistake/unable to do a thing then the mask falls off + they become the most disgusting person ever!!!!!#and it's like... who tf is this person???? this aint who i befriended???? hello?????#and the lamest part about all of that is that we are always 1000% ourselves so we automatically expect folks to do the same with us #and maybe that's our fault for thinking like that idk but at the end of the day the shit is wack #and I just plan on being in hermit mode for as long as time permits + until i get a sign/message to do something else #if anybody read all of this: thanks for reading + sending you so so so much love + kindness into your life! We for sure all need it 🫶🏾✨️✨️#abtme #4:26 pm

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v-arbellanaris · 1 year

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i think the problem (?) is that the only kind of (fictional?) love that interests me is the kind of love that changes the world. the kind of love that derails the narrative, the kind of love that changes everything -- not necessarily by how special or unique the love is but by the very mundanity of it. the love that grows, not in spite of the barren lovelessness of Before, but out of it. i think that's why I'm always so invested in ships that are two people diametrically opposed to each other, or enemies-to-friends-to-lovers, or two people on separate sides of the morality issue coin, because i love it when love... not that it changes a person but it allows the person to Become. the space, the grace, to change. to love the monster, to love the unlovable and the intolerable, is to make it something other than a monster, than unlovable, than intolerable. i love it when being loved at your worst, ugliest, most horrible self is what makes you want to be someone worth loving. like is this ANYTHING to anyone or

#sorry im not here but im thinkin abt fic things and im really just! having some Emotions about things #idk? i see a lot of aspects of myself in villains. whoever you consider a villain. and i think there's a tendency in fandom #that I've noticed for like... years. where when these issues are portrayed in Good People it's always framed in an acceptable way #if they're angry it's never in a way that really hurts anyone - or everyone Just Knows they're going through shit #if they're depressed it's always the sad pathetic kind that makes people want to coddle you and not the kind that made me isolate and #unpleasant to be around #the urge/inclination towards violence to people who did wrong to me is a villainous act #trauma only ever affects Villains in a bad way. and their trauma MAKES them Bad and Evil people who should only ever just die to fix all #the damage they did to people. and idk man! don't you think that's kind of fucked up? don't you think that it's so fucked up to see yoursel #and the ugliness of your trauma and how it impacts you only ever represented by villains. and then the solution is ''they should just die''#and in the rare moments those villains DO get redemption arcs or a second chance or whatever there's a large n frankly horrific portion #of fandom going i want this person dead or (other violent gruesome violating thing) because they're awful and horrible and their very #existence is unforgivable. i think they should die #and it's like i get it. i also get tired of having to see this message constantly blasted into my brain 24/7?#''why do you ship x with x--'' god i dont fucking know #maybe i want to believe we can get better. that people can change.#maybe i want to believe there's no end point where i have to weigh up the damage ive done to people vs the benefits ive brought and decide #i should die. maybe i want to believe that people are inherently good and want to do good and have the capacity for good!!#that we can do better if only someone believed we could!!#maybe i want to believe we're all worthy of love. of someone who will believe in us. who sees something good in us even when we're at our #worst & most unlovable. maybe i want to believe we can still BE loved after all that! idk leave me alone!!#tbd #i added the image bc its how im feelin rn

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todayisafridaynight · 1 year

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something something some yakuza antagonists ideals are completely valid and if they just went about them a different way the whole situation wouldnt have been life or death something something. something something i will agree with an antag (nishiki WHO SAID THAT) more if their reasoning behind what theyre doing is solid enough (yeah girl be mentally ill i support you i'll get you help too) something something

this goes for outside of yakuza too idk why im adding it but like. personally i love antags more than the protags because 1 more interesting 2 bro 99% of the time theyre just so mentally unwell if they had help as a child or just someone by their side supporting them enough in life they wouldnt be doing any of that shit 3 half the time theyre just. right. about the status of things? and i got that autistic sense of justice behind me so i automatically side with them like they go about it the wrong way but theyre right my bad 4 not all antags are evil even theyre literally there because the protaganist needs a foil the whole light needs dark dark needs light thing blah blah 5 theyre bad bitches i cant deny a bad bitch their non-heroic deeds.

i need to type up another slideshow about the intricacies of characters and why so and so did what they did or why so and so shouldnt be faulted for their ideals. god i love writing about characterization i love writing i need to write of course people can dislike "bad guys" theyre written to be disliked because of the perspective you see them from but i love being like oooh hoo hoo you are a hidden gem you are a diamond in the rough damn ya ass fat whats ya trauma? oh god this is long uhm. yeah :]

anon you're spitting but im too drunk to make a good response just know im nodding and listening and agreeing

#snap chats #i stand by that aoki's only flaw was that he was a republican #but Real i get you i usually like antags more than the protags #or i at least gush about them more #maybe its a psychological issue where i see bits of myself in them and can ergo relate #cough cough masato cough cough mine sorry who said that #moreover antags are just funnier. i can excuse 90% of crimes if you're funny #like antags are fun because they're like. they're like if we listened to every intrusive thought we had #like 'damn thatd be fucked if we did that let's watch this guy do it from the safety of our couch'#tho tbh anon ily but i feel like youre tping this mostly from a nishiki lens #cause what nishiki did is probably the easiest to justify from our antags ??#i mean ryuji was just fucking around tbh. his motives are funny #but mine wanting to kill a man he loves because he sees his life as useless now is p twisted #and i dont have to explain aoki we know. like there's no justifying those two's actions #there's reasoning but it's harder to justify them compared to akira 'everything went wrong so i became stronger' nishikiyama #he's the most sympathetic villain out of the batch My Drunk Brin Is Telling Me #idk where im going with this ramble anymore point is Ask Good

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madlichen · 2 years

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i wish my autism beam was real and i could shoot people with it and also give them autism too so everyone could be autism because when everyones autism no one is

#syndromes not evil the bad guy is society and mental health is so much more than keeping the crazies off the streets #i wish i could change society and be a queer little mouseboy who likes science #but no cannot have nice things society will make you the villain for trying to change it why are the villains always smart in movies #because they recognize the pain and suffering in the world thats why they see it and they actually do something about it #but that makes them evil thats why theyre the villain because they want change and change is bad #the us government is actively stopping me from changing the world for the better one person one autism beam at a time #birds arent real theyre government drones beaming 5g mind control waves into our synapses and i sciencedude have a solution #global havannah syndrome must be stopped we must the villain murderous scum hiding out in bushes from eating our babies #just so long as we only protect the unborn babies and not the children because the dead are more important than the living #enslave the middle class to the monopolies bring about the oligarchy bleed out on our machines to raise efficiency and bring costs down #in this essay i will explain why the coming downfall of society has everything to do with how we treat others #thiS IS THE POLICE OPEN UP THERE HE IS GET HIM wait no you got the wrong guy NO THE FBI NEVER MAKES MISTAKES I AM THE LAW #breaking news a man by the name of science dude has been arrested for reasons not even the fbi is willing to share #NO PLEASE IM INNOCENT HELP ME #wow they must have done something really bad if the police are arresting them lets influence our audience to think theyre bad as well #breaking news someone got cancelled its a crying shame this cancel culture business tune in next time to the only source of truth on tv #i want to live i want to live i want to live i want to live i want to live i want to live i want to live i want to live i want to live i w-#liiiiiiiiiiiiivvvvvvvveeeeeeeee #its a cold place and they say it gets colder #your bundled up now wait til you get older #but the media men beg to differ #judging by the hole in the satellite picture #the ice we skate is getting pretty thin #the waters getting warm so you might as well swim #my worlds on fire how bout yours #thats the way i like it and i never get bored #well the years start comin and they dont stop comin and they dont stop comin and they dont stop comin and they dont stop comin #im crawing in my skin these wounds they will not heal #janine janine youd like to know me well but there are things inside my head that even i cant face #these and other song when you tune in and enter to win 0% apr for the first twenty months no money down offer lasts until 10 years ago

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bunnyb34r · 6 months

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Always amazes me that some people have never seen a deer anywhere but the zoo/a sanctuary or in pictures

I drive to work and see at least 5 in 20 min

Drive home and nearly hit 6 bc it's dawn and that's their time to graze 😭 girl please I'll trade you whatever wildlife yall have if you take these fuckers

#marquilla #i have mixed feelings ab hunting (dont like the culture white people have around it but people who hunt for food and respect #the animal i have no problems with)#but when it's deer season all i can say is godspeed y'all godspeed #i know that the reason they're so overpopulated/why they run in traffic is all OUR fault but i can still be mad okay #like we took away wolves and coyotes can only do so much when theyre as villainized as wolves and we took away forests for roads and #houses. and deer cannot comprehend cars being dangerous #but like it's so fucking frustrating and then they get cocky and will play chicken on the side of the road on if theyre gonna run out or #not and you're late for work bc you didnt wanna hit a fucking deer #and people forget they can be dangerous too especially during ruts like theyre not uwu bambi baby like they can kill if they want #anyway nextdoor is aggravating if youre not 1000% uwu deer are precious angels who do no wrong uwu sgdggdgd like help

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theweebsystem · 1 year

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You really feel some kind of way when you have headmates of characters that the entire fandom hates loudly.

Like, yes he's an asshole in canon and I get it. I don't blame you for dunking on him. But also our headmate is no different from canon and we love him. Interacting with 100s of people who like, actively want him dead is never fun 😬

#to you he's fictional #to us he's our dear boyfriend amd and we want to protect him #it's messy and there's not much you can do to change how others view him #idk we're just thinking #we have a lot of villain/not nice headmates who are extremely similar to canon/their source #and there's nothing wrong with that #but interacting with fandom can be depressing and not worth it a lot of times #system rambles

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synonymsforstupidity · 1 year

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'Kris being an outcast who likes freaking people out means they must be a Bad Person™️ and thus taking their free will and piloting them like a puppet is actually Good™️ morally speaking'

How about I eat your skin how bout that

#the lack of nuance people address Kris with makes me want to bite things every day #also they are LITERALLY A TEENAGER who as far as we know is JUST A BIT WEIRD #tho I think part of it may be a purposeful commentary on how we treat characters vs real people even in a story we buy in2 very genuinely #bc certain traits both behavioral and physical- when observed in the context of a story- set Villain Flags mentally #whereas irl the same actions or things would be considered (fairly) innocuous #or at least not judged on such a concious unabashed definite level #I think its similar with Berdly how every1 is like 'this bitch annoying can we please kill him'#and then in Snowgrave you fucking DO- wish granted #but in-universe all you've done is fucking murder a teenager whose biggest crime is being kind of obnoxious #even with a universe you're invested in and where you care a lot about the characters #your role as a player/observer taking on the identity of someone in that world- no matter how immersed you get-#is still fundamentally different from how things are viewed in-universe #because you are still reacting to things as you would a story while characters are applying the standards of what to them is real life #EVEN WHEN you buy into the fiction that the characters are meant to be concious beings who you the player r interacting with thru the game #not that this is necessarily a 'bad thing' but ut and it seems dr are works abt exploring our relationship to fiction and its characters #and about how much we think we empathize with them but also treat them in a way we'd never treat people #but yea the amount of ppl I see saying Kris is EEEEEEVIL bc they have red eyes and like knives and steal pie #and because they don't seem to want to stick to the script the story has laid out for them #and how them being EEEEEVIL or even just Not Vewy Nice :( makes taking over their body not AT LEAST morally questionable #is infuriating #maybe bc they don't want to deal w the fact that we as a player are participating directly in their suffering #if not the entire cause of it/the person its for in the first place #and like I get it that sucks and I feel bad thinking abt it too but I think thats kinda the point #the victim doesn't have to be perfect or likeable or even a good person for their suffering to matter and be fucked up #but that rationale is very commonly used in stories to dismiss/diminish/justify morally troubling actions #and tbh I think that one is used for how people treat real-life narratives as well to some degree #ok bye #Deltarune #kris dreemurr

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lilgynt · 1 year

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y’all remember halloween and i had my worst meltdown to date outside of attempts? similar build up rn actually

#personal #:)#i’m not doing great. my brother asked how i’m doing and it’s the first time #in a very long time someones asked me that without me begging them to example when i broke my foot #anyway he sent me that after i was making sure he’s been calling our dad and it led to me violently sobbing bc no one ever asks me that #and i’m just overwhelmed constantly #and yesterday my mom said my brother offered to let dad stay with him #other brother than the one who asked im doing it’s the one who broke my door on christmas #and she said it was so nice not to feel alone in this fight and i want to scream #which i have been in my car my floor anywhere i can it’s really easy to just scream till i can’t and cry lately #and it’s like i mean nothing.#like all the talks we have all the constant venting to me every conversation ending with me giving her money or treats or WHATEVER #like the night my brother called her i was like hey. i know this is bad and dads abusive to you. that gets lost in translation a lot and #you get pained as the villain but you’re not. this is horrible and i recognize that and want you to know #between helping my dad all the time like even while in the rest room i just have to be available #and my moms calling me to make sure he eats im paying btw and clean the house and fix a lamp #and half i can’t do bc of my dad #and she came home and was like heat this up for dad and i just broke i lied and said i feel on my foot bc i was screaming #and she starting muttering some shit about me but took care of my dad #and then my friends want to hang out and i get it most people need to hang out with friend occasionally #but i turn them down and he’s like trying to keep asking me and i’m like no i need to rest and do my taxes it’s been a bit hectic between #family emergencies new full time job and a broken foot #but he keeps pushing ti im just like no i’m not going out. i don’t want to get into it but life is very bad for me rn #frankly speaking i would kill myself than go out tonight tomorrow or even next week (we have plans next week) but i should be normal enough #by next week to hang.#and it’s like this with so many fucking people and the only people i would willingly see rn #is audrey and gg and my brother and sure i have plans tomorrow but i’m not super excited about it #and they should be quick!#if i get anymore push back i’m just canceling all plans and going mia i just can’t do this

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begaycommittreason · 2 months

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out of context things heard in wayne manor:

bruce: i understand, but pretending you cooked jerry the turkey is not a proportionate response to damian calling you a peasant again

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jason: look there’s a right way and a wrong way to make food. there’s also the bruce way, which is the wrong way except faster and worse

duke: *frantically scribbling notes*

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tim: do you think our relationship was kinda like incest now?

steph, horrified: never open your mouth in my presence again timothy

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dick: so then he’s like—guys. guys are you seriously signing about me in front of my face. i learned it too—hey i do NOT have a butt chin take that back—

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damian: i don’t understand, why does he wear such a ridiculous hat? is it like that margaret poppins woman grayson showed me?

tim, who watched the live action cat in the hat too much as a kid and is about to violently infodump: well you see-

dick: oh god it’s too late

jason: yeah the brats on his own for this one i’m not fucking dealing with that again

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bruce: are you lying?

tim: always. anyway, like i was saying—

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steph: hey what’s up with you and all the redheads

dick: …i’m not discussing this with you

steph, starting to chase him: gingervitus is a serious affliction! you cant run from this

dick, sprinting away: yes the fuck i can

————————

duke: so is anyone gonna talk about the elephant in the room…

dick:

dick: look i was feeling sentimental and zitka jr. really isn’t any trouble

damian: she is magnificent

————————

tim: so i dropped out and

duke: wait we can drop out of high school??!!?

bruce: NO.

duke: please bruce ap biology is beating my ass right now

jason: nah tim just got to drop cause bruce was dead and he’s a loser. the real problem is what you’re reading in ap lit right now, because i have thoughts on that curriculum—

duke: i’m not even gonna use half that material in the real world

tim: actually most of our villains have PhDs so their plans are based on pretty real science

duke: not helping timothy

————————

cass, signing: why are brothers on the ceiling?

jason: tims in timeout from working on his caseload

cass, still confused: yes but why taped to the ceiling

duke: listen if you know a better way of restraining his psycho ass then i’m all ears

cass: and damian?

jason: oh he saw this as free range target practice so he had to go up there too

cass: they are plotting revenge up there

duke: think of it as brotherly bonding

————————

damian: it’s not my fault he got in the way

bruce: you threw an eclair at lex luthor

damian: i was aiming for drake

tim: bruce we can’t take him anywhere

dick, holding back laughter: timmy you paid four separate people to come to the gala solely to ask lex if they could use his head to see if they had something in their teeth

tim: you have no proof that was me

————————

duke: look steph, it’s not that we don’t want to help with this

jason: i don’t want to help

duke: it’s more that i don’t think we can physically fit that many people in a shopping cart, and your whole plan kind of hinges on that

————————

alfred: i’m not mad, just disappointed in you.

every batkid, near tears: sorry alfred

————————

jason: HE HAD DIPLOMATIC IMMUNITY AS THE FUCKING WHAT—

bruce: listen—

tim, mouth full and brain empty: the ambassador to iran. crazy right?

dick: tim please

#batfam #dc #bruce wayne #dick grayson #jason todd #tim drake #duke thomas #cassandra cain #stephanie brown #damian wayne #batfamily #batman

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alyakthedorklord · 11 months

Text

Batman the Playboy

Justice League, not quite early days but before proper identity reveals, though everyone knows Batman knows theirs, bc he has Opinions™ and Constructive Criticisms™ on their secret-keeping.

The issue is brought up on random occasions. The most notable incident- the Justice League, including Batman, being Drunk for Bonding, and Batman, in a fit of paranoid good intentions because he CARES about these idiots, damnit, why must they be so careless, starts insulting them.

Batman, leaning heavily on the table: “GL, you’re a mess, I don’t even know where to start with you. And Arrow! Your goatee is so distinctive, it’s a wonder no one has called you out on it-“

Green Arrow, also drunk: “Alright, there’s no need to insult my awesome facial hair-”

Batman, in despair: “It’s so ugly.”

Green Arrow: (offended noises)

Green Lantern: “Okay, the only reason you know our secret identities is because you’re a rude nosy bastard who needs to know everything about us like a creepy stalker who needs an ego boost! We’re not stupid, Spooky, we’re just polite. We could figure you out easily if we wanted to. Superman can see right through your mask!”

Usually, Batman would have a good response to that. Something smart and reasonable like “villains won’t care for your privacy, I’m testing you,” or something cutting like “I don’t care enough about you to go digging, I set your secret identity as a training exercise for Robin.”

However, Batman is Drunk, because for some reason imbibing drugs that dampen higher brain function is socially acceptable and often, for some reason, expected, because it’s “team bonding” and “come on just loosen up a bit.” (Also for him, drunk=Brucie)

So what Batman ends up saying is: “I could kiss you full on the lips in my secret identity and you wouldn’t know a thing.”

Superman, plucking the glass from Batman’s hand: “Aaaand that is enough alcohol for you!”

Batman nods. Thank God. He wants to go home and sleep. But first: “Superman, yours is so stupid it’s almost impressive-”

———

Of course, Green Lantern has smelled a challenge. And Green Lantern must annoy Batman. It’s his true superpower. So, the next time they meet (sober) he brings up the issue again.

GL: “So about what you said at the party… the part where you could kiss us full on the lips without us knowing. You still confident in that without liquid courage, Spooky? Bet you your real name you can’t do it.”

Batman, regretting the fact that alcohol has ever passed his lips: “I could do it, but I will not.”

Flash, curious: “Why’s that?”

Batman: “Informed Consent. I will not risk making any of you feel violated, or manipulated, for the sake of a stupid bet and my ego.”

GA, still offended by the goatee comment, trying to back Batman into a corner: “So if we give consent, we’re fair game? Try me, Batman. Even you can’t pull this off. Anyone else game?”

Some of the Justice League laughs, raising their hands.

Flash: “Come get me, hot stuff! I’ll call you out!”

Wonder Woman: “It could be amusing.”

Martian Manhunter: “I would be far too difficult a target.”

Green Arrow: “Not just you. C’mon, Spooky, flirting well enough to get a kiss from me? I’m a classy lady.”

Black Canary: “D-class, maybe.”

Superman, wants a kiss in on the fun: 🙋🏻‍♂️

“So that’s it then!” Green Lantern says smugly. “Batman, if you can kiss… how many people raised their hands? Ah yes- HALF THE JUSTICE LEAGUE, without anyone realizing it’s you, then you win.”

Batman scoffs and walks out, leaving the Justice League in stitches at their joke. Because- Batman? Being good enough at flirting to land a kiss on half the league, without it being forced or awkward, without them recognizing his body language, his voice, his build? How ridiculous!

The Batman is Autistic. The Batman does not understand jokes, especially not ones that are half truths. The Batman has consent, and something to prove.

And Bruce Wayne, billionaire, playboy, and sexy DILF, has targets.

(Please tell me how you think he gets each League member.)

Edit: there have been a bunch of awesome additions in the notes! My own take here.

#a few months later GL brings it up #like ‘ha ha remember funny joke’#batman: ‘…joke?’#justice league #😳#yes joke #autistic batman #batman #brucie wayne #justice leauge shennanigans #batman the playboy

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leafsheep · 6 days

Text

Some random thoughts about Gothamites and scenarios I’ve come up with.

Metropolis citizen: Yeah so my exams were cancelled bc some villain took over the city the week leading up to them so the school said not to worry about it.

Gothamite: Fr? Last time a villain took over our city he killed anyone who wasn’t smart and had us take extra exams.

~~

Random Gotham kid: Hey teach, can I get an extension on my essay, my neighborhood was fear toxin-ed a few days ago and I’m just getting out of the hospital.

Standard Gotham High School Teacher: ohhh yeah…. Nooooo… sorry Jimmy but you know you had a week to do the assignment soo… you should’ve planned ahead.

~~

Health/PE teacher: Yeah so I don’t really wanna teach y’all today so we’re gonna watch this top ten video of Riddler’s shittiest riddles.

Student: after can we watch this compilation I found of the murder Robin interacting with stray cats?

~~

A Wayne kid just walking down the street

Gothamite: Can you give your dad this?

Wayne child: ??? This is a phone number.

Gothamite: Yeah, maybe you could talk me up too?

Wayne child: You’re MY age

Gothamite: Why does that matter?

Wayne Child: evident disgust

Gothamite: OH no, I want him to adopt me.

Gothamite: he’s our dad now.

~~

Gothamite: Did you hear that bizarre theory about the Robins being clones of each other? I mean wasn’t one of them a girl? How would that even work??

Bernard Dowd (made said theory for shits and giggles, also knows it’s complete bullshit): Maybe that clone was trans! Are you being transphobic right now? God I can’t believe you-

~~

Reporter: Video feed shows the infamous Red Hood standing bewildered next to his motorcycle at four am this morning, having apparently found it missing his tires. Eyewitnesses to the scene report Bludhaven Vigilante laughing outside of camera view.

#dc comics #batman #dc robin #batfamily #jason todd #red hood #dick grayson #nightwing #batfam #bruce wayne #bernard dowd #gotham #gothamites #gotham city

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