#absolutely not but nothing has ever made 100% sense on doctor who

[claratwelve]

yeah no okay i just finished s13 and i loved it, that was some good cinema

[rnisa]

What do you think Near’s love language is? I think it’s quality time, he just likes to sit with somebody or play with his toys while they sit nearby. I also think though it isn’t his primary favorite, he’s also a sucker for physical affection. He’ll probably just come press his entire body against you if you’re just standing there, or lean on you, or press your hands together. He’s a little clumsy with it, just sort of vaguely making whatever contact he can rather than specifically holding hands or hugging or anything if that makes sense. Also playing with your hair, and you playing with his, it drives him absolutely crazy, he loves it so much. He loves cuddles too. I can definitely picture him having a big bed that he shares with someone, filled with really soft white blankets and a ton of plushies and pillows, and he will just curl up on it. I think he would prefer face to face cuddles over spooning, but would be the little spoon if he did. Maybe I’m just projecting with this one but I think he likes those sleepy mornings where you wake up early but stay in bed all morning, and the sunrise light is coming into the room and all, and he just lays there cuddling you and sitting in the bed beside you for hours, like a good combination of quality time and physical affection. Anyway I’m sort of rambling, you just said you like hearing other peoples headcanons and I could talk about near for days, so here’s some thoughts. I’m curious what you think about his love language too

Bestie I don't know what more to say because you just reached into my mind and pulled this straight from my head!!! I agree with everything here 100%. Honestly, thank you really much for sending this in. It means a lot. I hope you have a blog like this too because you made what you wrote really fun and engaging, and overall just thank you for sharing. <3

I believe quality time is very important to him, and he values a partner that can just do their own thing while he does his. He likes that you don't feel the need to constantly talk; silence does not make him uneasy, and just your presence is enough.

I'm glad you also see him as a guy who would like physical affection. Of course he wouldn't hug someone he'd just met, but someone he loves? Absolutely. I think Near would love weighted blankets, loves heated blankets, and the feeling of a hug. I think he likes to be warm and cozy more than anything. Having someone to share that with in the form of cuddling is a bonus. He's not the biggest fan of hand holding as he'd much rather fiddle with something on you, such as your hair, or your sleeve. He likes cuddles, and just being up in your face while he plays with toys.

If you have any ounce of childishness within you, he would appreciate it if you'd play with him from time to time. He'll even give you a chance with his favorite toys which is one of the ways he shows how much he trusts you. Play Jenga with him, play dominos, build some legos with him - he's happy.

He makes a puppet or doll of you, and it becomes one of his favorites. I think Near would keep them next to each other, haha. God help anyone who would place them out of order. Your puppet MUST be next to his, at all times.

Oh god, imagine there's a bad storm outside and the two of you set up the cutest pillow fort ever? Complete with those little fairy lights hehe~

Near obviously, is pretty sheltered, physically. He would rest against you, fiddling with something, and ask about your stories. You've seen more than he has, and experienced more (in reference to the outside world). Hearing you speak so fondly of the places you've gone, and the dangerous (yet fun) situations you've been in, and it inspires him to one day be able to become more adventurous and create more memories with you.

I'm no doctor but I headcanon Near as having extreme agoraphobia. So it's no easy feat. Nothing to be ashamed of, but certainly not an easy thing to live with.

Sorry...now I rambled xD Thank you again for your message, I'm happy others are giving Near the love he deserves also!

[duck-era-lexi]

thoughts on the MCU spider man films ( w/ tom holland)

spider man: homecoming - 5/10 spider man: far from home - 7/10 spider man: no way home - 6/10

(ranking tmr morning!!)

omg. omfg. i have to take a breath. 

so unlike with the amazing spider man 2, i was not spoiled by a death. but like the amazing spider man, this series ends on a supposedly happy, but very tragic note. i also just watched tasm yesterday so i found myself comparing it to this one a lot. but i think genuinely, the mcu spiderman has a lot of flaws and also was 100% not what i expected it to be. 

first off, tom holland’s spiderman is not “spiderman.” i feel like he only starts to feel like spiderman in the third film, because he’s alone and the world is against him. but even then it’s weird, because doctor strange is there to help him but then he himself ties up the one person who can help him? peter is dumb in this film, not like andrew garfield emotionally dumb but he is incredibly immature and frustrating to watch. this is definitely made for younger audiences, but genuinely peter says it himself: he causes all his problems, and not in a subtle way either. i mean i’m glad they’re consistent throughout all the films but i personally get really annoyed when characters are like this. like in the flash, barry gets fucked over again and again because he just doesn’t kill people and he wants to save them, whatever. it’s just a little silly hearing peter in the third film saying he wants to save all these people and aunt may’s like, yes, you did the right thing absolutely 100% that makes sense 

so much of these films i was like, “it’s gotta be a marvel thing.” because the bad jokes that are not funny at all, the modern day references and the high tech- which i definitely know is one. it’s not the high tech that bothers me but the fact that the movies acknowledge problems with tech and stark industries and then don’t really do anything to grow from that point. like throughout the first and second movies it’s clearly a problem how much of peter’s power comes from his suit, and nothing ever comes from that??? in the third movie they just kind of forget about it. 

i have more to say but i’m tired and tomorrow’s a long day. basically:

- i like the NWH ending. bcuz i like CONSEQUENCES. it’s sad, but peter deserved it 100% bcuz he’s a dumbass

- but also: what was that post credits scene? like yeah i don’t get the context but i don’t know how that would even make sense in context. 

- looking at all the spidermans side by side it’s clear that 1) tobey maguire is the best and 2) andrew garfield’s likeability 99% comes from the way he acts around gwen

- i miss gwen

- the first spider man is literally a middle school story like i cant believe they’re 15. nfw those are the most immature 15 yr olds ever

- the second spider man i’m biased because i’ve watched it before but i think it’s the coolest and it’s the most fufilling. like spider man’s arc SHOULD end with him confessing to mj, yk

- the third spider man is dark but we needed it. but seriously, the plot is so stupid and the characters are so stupid and this is just a stupid movie. unless you don’t think about it and you just focus on the pretty colors and the crying. idk

- ned is seriously never not annoying. the only time i liked him is when he was doing shit, which was like never but also specifically in NWH when he makes the portals appear with mj. he works better with mj than with peter because he doesn’t really have a relationship with peter. like yes they’re besties but they don’t have the kind of bestie banter or any chemistry like at all

- iron man sucks! we hate corporate greed 

dat’s all. i need to sleep

[pointreyesjournal]

The Perfect Ending to the Perfect Date : ep145 

Nothing is more disorienting than falling asleep drunk during the day and waking up in the dark. I’m groggy and barely awake. Cheyenne is wide awake and freshly showered.

Cheyenne: Mornin’ sunshine.

Me: Is it morning or midnight?

Cheyenne: It’s dinner time. Go shower stinky … I’ve got a surprise for you.

I take a quick shower and when I’m done, Cheyenne’s dressed and ready to go. She’s wearing a soft gray cashmere sweater over denim Daisy Duke shorts that are so short that the crease between her bottom and legs is just showing. With her sockless sneakers on, it’s the first time I realize how long her legs are. Her wide hips and strong thighs taper elegantly down to her slender calves and bony ankles. I’m reminded once again how womanly she is compared to my past girlfriends, who were about as curvy as two-by-fours.

It’s thrilling, yet uncharted territory for me.

By the time I’m dressed she has an Uber waiting to whisk us away.

Hidden behind a high garden wall and tucked away from the main highway in St. Helena is Goose & Gander. Occupying The Martini House, a craftsman style bungalow built in 1923, Goose & Gander offers fine American “pub style” cuisine made from produce grown in their own garden in Napa Valley.

The atmosphere is cozy yet bustling. The decor features lacquered wood that is stylistically between gothic and mid-century modern. There’s garden dining, but tonight we’re inside tucked into a dark, cozy booth. Cheyenne is firm and unwavering in her demands for tonight’s date. First is that no wine or beer is to be consumed. Liquor only, preferably from their signature cocktail menu. And second is that dinner this evening is her treat. No exceptions.

Once again, I am flabbergasted, and as Henrik said on the Facetime call, you honor the giver by accepting the gift. I order the “Five Boroughs” cocktail which is Redwood Empire rye, amaro, Rockwell vermouth, Leopold's maraschino liqueur and mocha bitters. It’s essentially a fancy Manhattan. Cheyenne orders the same.

Very cool.

We decide to share a petite filet with a couple of starters and then indulge in Basque Cheesecake with strawberry-rhubarb compote and chantilly cream for dessert. Rather than coffee to accompany dessert, Cheyenne orders a tasting flight of top-shelf dark rum to share. It pairs perfectly with the cheesecake.

I have no idea how she was able to plan this date on such short notice, but all I can think as I’m watching the light from the faux LED votive candle flicker in her eyes is that this is the happiest I’ve ever been in my life. I’m prone to daydreaming and sometimes when people are talking to me, my mind wanders off. But in this moment, she has my undivided attention. I am completely present for Cheyenne. Her words are like honey.

The check arrives and Cheyenne scowls deeply at me when I reach into my pocket and pull out a $100 bill.

Cheyenne: Absolutely not! My treat.

Me: May I leave the tip?

Being a waitress herself, she knows how hard our server works and as much as she would like to pay for the entire meal herself, she finds my generous tip endearing and accepts.

Cheyenne calls for an Uber, but as we’re heading for the door I’m startled like a cat seeing a cucumber when, out of the corner of my eye, I see a slender, bald man waving at me from a booth across the restaurant. It’s The Good Doctor and Anastasia!

I try to keep my cool, but my heart pounds as I’m gripped in fear, terror, and surprise. Cheyenne senses my uneasiness as we approach the table, but has no idea why.

The Good Doctor: Well look who we have here.

Me: Cheyenne, this is my doctor.

Cheyenne: He’s the one who helped you after the attack?

Me: Yes.

Cheyenne extends her arm offering a handshake. The Good Doctor accepts.

Cheyenne: Thanks for reassembling my Lego boyfriend.

The Good Doctor: My pleasure! All of the pieces fit together just as they should. You sir, look like you’re in fine fettle.

Me: I’m all healed up Doc.

The Good Doctor: You remember my nurse, Anastasia?

Me: Of course. How could I forget?

Feigning obliviousness I offer Ana a handshake.

Me: Doc, do you take all of your staff out for swanky dinners?

The Good Doctor: Hahaha, no. Ana’s not just my best nurse, she’s also my wife.

Over the past winter they got married and hearing it from his mouth causes my heart to skip a beat. I don’t know how much longer I can go on acting like I have no idea who she is, so I steer the conversation politely toward conclusion.

Me: Well, you’re a lucky guy. I’m sorry to interrupt your date. We really must be going, our Uber is waiting. So nice to see you again.

The Good Doctor: Take care, and we’ll see you soon for a follow-up.

Me: Thanks Doc, you take care of yourself. You too Anastasia.

Ana is speechless.

I cannot extricate myself quickly enough from this awkward situation and make haste for the door with Cheyenne on my arm. She takes my hand to steady herself as we walk down the front porch steps.

Cheyenne: Good god man, your hand is cold and clammy! Why are you trembling?

I keep marching us swiftly toward the Uber as I urgently explain the situation.

Me: Shy, you remember how before I got beat up by those bikers I got dumped by a girl?

Cheyenne: Yes …

Me: I thought she was single, but it turned out she was engaged and wouldn’t leave him for me.

Cheyenne: Yes.

Me: Shy, that was her. She’s married to my doctor!

In an instant the entire situation comes into perfect focus for Cheyenne as she pieces together the puzzle of my bizarre love triangle. Realizing that The Good Doctor is the only one of the four of us who has no clue about what actually just transpired, she forces me into the Uber like a Secret Service agent shoving a president into a limousine, and points her finger right in my face.

Cheyenne: You stay right here!

Then she storms off back into the restaurant. The next ten seconds feel like an eternity as I try to collect myself. She quickly returns and piles into the back seat next to me.

Me: Jesus Christ Cheyenne, what did you just do?!

Cheyenne: I just told her “Thank you for breaking my boyfriend’s heart.”

[call-me-aesthetic]

If Twisted Wonderland was an American Public School

WARNING: There are some slight sensitive topics that are featured in here! Reader discretion is advised!

Part 2 can be found here

Heartslabyul

Riddle Rosehearts:

- That one preppy girl who takes all honors and AP classes 😑

- Wants everyone to know that he’s becoming a doctor one day for his strict parents or he’ll dishonor the family

- Reminds the teacher about homework, knowing well that he’ll get slander for it

- Complains about how he got a 90 on his test or a B on his report card, a try hard much?

- Wears a cardigan with thicc but cute glasses since he’s one of those people with can’t see shit on the board so he has to move to the front of the class

Ace Trappola:

- The SoundCloud rapper, that’s it

- “Wanna listen to my mixtape? It’s pretty fire, my guy.” 😩🔥

- You will not miss him BLASTING out some song on his Bluetooth speaker, that shit be echoing through the hallways

- Tells you to stop what you’re doing only for him to either sing horribly or do a backflip, thinking that he’s so cool

- Wears a Supreme jacket with AirPods and waves on his head

Deuce Spade:

- Assuming that he’s still a delinquent, he’s that kid with the most fucked up school record

- Not much of a bully but will still talk shit to your face without caring, might even throw stuff at you during a lesson and you would be the one getting in trouble instead of him 🗿

- If he ever gets mad, it would be overdramatic like kicking the desks, punching the lockers, or walking out of the classroom unannounced and everyone would look at each other wondering wtf happened

- Covers the entire desks with drawings of skulls and those “s” if you know what I mean

- Wears Champion hoodies, wants you to know that he’s broke and rich at the same time

Trey Clover:

- The guy that’s not really popular but everyone knows him since he’s in all their classes

- Most people might have a crush on him because he’s REALLY nice 😳👉👈

- Gives off “older brother” vibes based on the way he looks and acts, like offering you a ride home if you beg ask nicely

- Secretly bakes creme brulee but doesn’t want to mess with the flow so he sticks to the status quo

- Wears the school’s hoodie just because he thinks it looks good on him, and the fact that he doesn’t know what else to wear

Cater Diamond:

- Hot Cheetos girl 🥵

- Has a whole buffet of food in his backpack and will not hesitate to eat them during a lesson, no sharing either sorry

- Excuses himself to the bathroom or full on skips class just to film a Tiktok

- Has about 100 followers on Instagram Magicam and brags about how he’s famous

- Wears a Thrasher hoodie with large hoop earrings and his hair in a bun

Savanaclaw

Leona Kingscholar:

- The kid who flunked their freshman year that also sort of vibes with new classmates

- Always gets mistaken as a teacher by people since he looks and sounds old

- Knows the lessons but still fails them anyways, didn’t really give a damn either 🙄

- Captain of every sports club you can think of, never actually plays but has a lot of knowledge on them

- Wears the school’s letterman from years ago since it used to be his brother’s and that he’s too lazy to buy a new one

Ruggie Bucchi:

- That one kid who NEVER has money for the book fair or any other school event

- Always has to ask his classmates for some cash

- If he somehow does, then he’s one of those kids who buys Diary of the Wimpy Kid or the World Record books

- If he’s feeling cheap, he’ll buy the “cool stuff” like the chocolate scented calculator or fruit snacks 😭

- Wears oversized hoodies and basketball shorts that are clearly hand-me-downs

Jack Howl:

- That one athletic kid who’s both scary good and competitive when it comes to school games like football or soccer

- Literally the best player on his team and without him, they’re trash as hell 💀

- Tries his absolute best to support his teammates without yelling at them for how dumb they are

- “KICK THE FUCKING BALL! DO YOUR LEGS EVEN WORK?!”

- Wears the school’s jersey just to show off his “school spirit”

Octavinelle

Azul Ashengrotto:

- The kid who sell snacks for “charity” but everyone knows he’s keeping the money to himself

- If you don’t have cash or try to negotiate with him, the only thing he’ll do is raise the price up

- “What do you mean you don’t have ten bucks? I can see it in your pocket.”

- Just bring nothing with you, he’ll doing anything to steal your stuff 🤭

- Wears a collar shirt with a tie and khakis that have pockets to keep his glasses and money in

Jade Leech:

- The kid who puts on a goody two shoes facade but is actually a stoner

- Only does “safe” drugs like vape but occasionally smokes weed, mostly in the bathroom or behind the school 🌬

- Can play it off and hide the scent when he’s high, teachers never suspect anything from him

- No one really cares to stop him unless he gets caught or something idk

- Wears clothing that either makes him look like a businessman or a junky, there’s nothing in between

Floyd Leech:

- The kid that’s plays basketball or volleyball just because he’s hella tall, and is actually good at the sports but doesn’t put much effort into them

- Always stays behind after gym, even though the teacher tries to make him leave for his next class 😬

- “I swear after this one shot, I’ll go to class.” *He never made that shot*

- Will jump you no matter who or where you are, and will get angry if you step on his new shoes

- Wears the jersey of any famous team with the latest pair of Jordan sneakers

Scarabia

Kalim Al Asim:

- VSCO girl at best, don’t lie to me now 🤡

- The only words he knows are “And I oop– sksksk.” and “Save the turtles.”

- Walks during a track meet while everyone else is running and sweating hard, the teacher doesn’t care either

- Doesn’t really do anything in gym but talks to his classmates and stands near the water fountain to refill his Hydro flask

- Wears tie dye shirts with cute scrunchies

Jamil Viper:

- That one quiet kid who everybody thinks is a serial killer but he’s actually not, I swear

- He just wants school to be over and spend the rest of his summer relaxing 😔

- Although he shouldn’t abuse his “power,” he‘ll move his hands in his pockets or backpack to make it look like he’s about to pull a weapon out.

- “Chill, I’m just grabbing a pencil.” *Everyone in the class started crying*

- Wears dark colored hoodies that intimidates people but are actually comfy

Pomefiore

Vil Schoenheit:

- The baddie popular girl 😌💅✨

- Arrives to school late with a Starbucks in hand from his local Target

- Fixes himself every 5 seconds like reapplying his lipgloss or spraying Bath and Body Works cherry blossom perfume

- Uses acrylic nails and long hair extensions as weapons during a cat fight

- Wears a crop top with ripped jeans and those clout sunglasses

Rook Hunt:

- That creepy guy in the hallways who tries to get your attention, even if you don’t know him

- Scares people when he says, “Ayo, where my hug at?” 🥶💯

- Uses at least 10 cans of Axe body spray a week after gym class, which stinks up the locker rooms

- Waves at you if he passes your class, even walking into the room just to say hi

- Wears literally anything but always include a hat

Epel Felmier:

- The artist girl who just wants to be alone 🧑‍🎨

- Purposely draws in front of you but pretends like you’re not looking

- If you complement him, he’ll just brush it off and proceeds to diss himself

- “Thanks but I’m not THAT good at drawing, teehee.” *Insert Radio Rebel face*

- Wears a hoodie or a cardigan with big pockets to put his art supplies in

Ignihyde

Idia Shroud:

- I don’t even need to tell you who he is, y’all already know ahaha 🥴

- Sneaks a whole PlayStation in his backpack so he can play with it during lunch

- Is on his phone 24/7 even in class to the point where teachers don’t care anymore

- Tries to get people into anime but only to little success

- Wears a shirt of any anime character or that damn ahegao hoodie, girl bye

Ortho Shroud:

- The nerdy kid who’s known for destroying others at many games

- Plays classics like D&D, Yugioh, Pokémon, the whole shabang

- Daily Beyblade battles during recess with everyone surrounding him, the menacing aura radiates off of him

- Will steal your things if you lose to him but gives it back a week later cuz he’s sweet 🥰

- Wears light up Sketchers shoes and those Minecraft shirts you find at Old Navy

Diasomnia

Malleus Draconia:

- The theatre kid who also goes to band practice, change my mind 👁👄👁

- Takes his role seriously when it comes to school plays and concerts, even if he gets casted as a damn tree or doesn’t go solo

- Remembers the songs and their lyrics to any musical you name, a really good singer at that too

- Plays almost every instrument, you definitely know this since you can hear him down the hallways during a test

- Wears a white button up shirt, black pants with fancy dress shoes, and top it all off with a fricking Rolex watch

Lilia Vanrouge:

- The weird guy who pranks people and vandalizes school property in every way possible

- If you ever get a textbook with a message that tells you to go to a certain page only for you to found a picture of a dick, yeah that was him 😒

- When using a Chromebook, he’ll leave a tab open on YouTube so when the next person uses it, pray that your ears will still work by tomorrow

- During lunch, he is a literal DEMON that mixes milk with chicken nuggets together and having the audacity to eat it too

- Wears an oversized raincoat or a windbreaker but idk wtf kind of things he has hiding underneath

Silver:

- That guy in class who consumes Monster energy drinks and falls asleep 99% of the time but somehow manages to pass the class 🤷

- Whenever he’s awake, he’ll talk to the teachers since he’s basically friends with them for some reason

- Writes his name out of boredom on any desk you sit on but in different places, sometimes around the corners or the sides

- Has a sixth sense because he’ll wake up if you try to draw on his face and if you did get something on him, it’s on sight

- Wears those colorful hoodies that zips all the way up to cover his face with a matching backpack, it’s pretty cool ngl

Sebek Zigvolt:

- That kid who literally knows everything about historical wars and will show it off during class

- Also has knowledge on weaponry, which has people questioning him but he’s just very dedicated on serving his country and people

- Knows how to fight and defend himself from a bitch since he spent his summer at a military boot camp, put respect on my man’s name 😤

- Honestly a great partner for a group project, actually does the given work but not the whole thing for you

- Wears anything that has camo pattern and chunky combat boots

I only made this because me and my friends were talking about our school memories so yeah. This is based from my experience so they might not be exactly accurate. Might even be a part two if you want.

[seriously-really-soft]

“When your dad makes you cry because he’s a dishonest, two faced piece of poop you would forgive so easily if only he cared enough to see how deeply he has been hurting you but he’s not going to and he’ll probably never change and will continue to put you through increasingly emotionally/physically devastating and insecure situations”

Warnings: abuse, abusive family situation, trauma tw, emotional and physical abuse mention, mentions of sorrow and grief

Sukuna and Toji

Nanami

Nanami is the kind of person that will not tell you things like "you are so strong 😱😱😱" because he knows how invalidating it can be sometimes, he understands that more than anything, little you shouldn't have had to be strong, little you shouldn't have had to prepare themself for the grief that comes with never truly being loved unconditionally by one of your earliest and most intimate relationships. Little you deserved to be a child, you deserved to be protected and cherished, little you didn't deserve to be pushed to adulthood in elementary/middle/high school. He'll hold you and grieve with you over all the things you could've had, you deserved to have, and all the things you feel you may never have.

He does not waste time letting you know that absolutely none of that loss was your fault. Nothing you did ever made you deserving of abuse. Nanami is an honest and straight forward person. For every piece of self blame he reassures you that the abuse says nothing about your value as a person and everything about just how shitty your sperm donor is. You feel guilty that you don't have a family to introduce and welcome him with? You have nothing to be guilty or sorry about, you deserve to be surrounded by people that actually love and cherish you. Furthermore, he wants nothing to do with someone that hurt you so bad. Sometimes you can just look in his eyes and you'll know that he feels angry on your behalf.

He's fantastic at looking after you. If you just need a moment to be coddled in love and to really feel the benefits of good touch, he won't hesitate to give you just that.

Choso

His heart breaks into tiny pieces of crushed star dust after hearing about what you had to go through and just seeing the way it hurts and affects you every day. When he holds you in his embrace, it’s all of him wrapped around you, tucking you to safety within himself, and if you say something along the lines of “I don’t know how to feel safe anymore”??? He’s crying with you, patting your head/stroking your hair, but it’s not ever in a way that is burdensome. You know he’s not asking for you to comfort him. He’s crying with you, with the child you never got to be, with the beautiful person in front of him who has seen and carried too much. It can be super comforting and validating to not be the only one filled with so much grief over your situation. You deserve so much, and he’ll remind you over and over that you never should’ve had to recreate a sense of safety, you deserved to just be safe from the start.

If you still live with your sperm donor, he’s helping you make a plan to escape because there is no way you deserve to live in a situation like that, with so much hurt and so many painful memories all concentrated in one area. There is a certain kind of grief that comes with losing so much of your life to abuse, pain, and depression; if you ever open up about how you’re experiencing and dealing with this grief, he is even more adamant on getting you to safety. If you already have an escape plan, he’s definitely helping you see it through. He’ll help with everything from the planning to the execution. If you’ve gone completely no contact with the dna donor, Choso works together with you to make your home really feel like a safe haven. You’ll fill it up with sweet memories and things that bring you joy, from the furniture to the dishes to the possible pets and plants, there wont be a single square of your home that isn’t filled with love.

He has a major bone to pick with your family, and he gets very protective over you, especially when it comes to this. He assists you to every therapist/doctor appointment if you’re more comfortable with that, and if you want to take up a new hobby or want to pursue your dream job? He 100% supports you healing from this and living the happier, healthier life that you deserve. Not ever will you be a burden to him, he loves you and nothing will ever change that. All the sweetness, all the tender moments, are a constant reminder of how in love with you he is.

a/n: today is a little tough, hence why i’ve been listening to Mitski’s “I don’t smoke” on repeat. I think living in this environment for so long has made me think that no one would be able to truly love me and part of the reason why is because I feel like a burden to anyone that does even the smallest thing for me, like how can someone love me when so much about me is just interwoven trauma? But NO!!! I have to move away from that kind of thinking because my friends, when they say the love me, they see me for more than just what i’ve been through. They love me and see and love all the parts of me I can’t yet see myself. I hope that one day i can grow enough to understand and be able to really see what they see lovable in me. We all deserve to heal and to be loved without conditions, we deserve to know that we are never burdens.

[thecarnivorousmuffinmeta]

Twilight if Bella was Death in the same way as Lily/Harry/Azrael? I feel like Bella has unique interpretation of the world that is somewhat like Lily's and a sense of denial not unlike your Harry's. Thanks I love your metas!

Anon is referring to Lily and the Art of Being Sisyphus, October, and probably When Harry Met Tom. Also, hello meta people, before I vomited opinions onto the internet I used to write seriously weird fanfiction. I still do.

To recap for those that don't read my fanfiction: in these stories Harry (or Ellie in the case of "Lily") is "Death", a mysterious figure with even more mysterious and seemingly unlimited power over the universe. A god, essentially.

Anon points out that Bella has some marked similarities between "Lily's" Lily, in her strange perspective on the world and all the players in it, and Harry from "When Harry Met Tom" who is convinced she's absolutely normal and everything is fine and you can light evildoers on fire with your bare hands and "the power of friendship".

Anon's... not wrong.

So, with that, what if Bella was a god?

Bella the Goddess: The Pretty Much Canon Route

Well... potentially, nothing changes. Lily in her fic notices her abilities because she rises from the dead and, from an early age, meets those who point it out to her. Sure, reality also seems to be falling apart, but that has nothing to do with her and everything to do with reality.

Bella, in a lot of ways, is a lot more oblivious than a five-year-old Ellie Potter.

Bella meets aliens in the cafeteria that no one else seems to notice and learns they're vampires who aren't actually vampires. Bella has prophetic slayer dreams every now and then. Bella hallucinates Edward Cullen who occasionally feeds her information she might not actually have known before hand. Bella's brain is silent. Bella used her gift to protect an army from the most powerful gifts in the world in only a month.

Bella could potentially be far more powerful than she is (this is probably the case, actually, Bella's gift is terrifying) and she... just... never notices.

But that's boring. We already have canon, clearly this ask was meant to get us, well, not canon.

Bella and the Art of Being Sisyphus

Bella has some fatal accident when she's a child. She drank drain cleaner from Renee's non-childproof cupboard. However, because Bella's an immortal god, she comes back from the dead.

Bella thus grows up being very confused. Bella knows she's definitely died several times throughout her childhood thanks to just a) childhood accidents b) various misadventures fueled by a lack of sense of any caution but everyone keeps talking about this dying stuff.

Bella realizes fairly quickly that most people, most organic life... doesn't come back like she does.

By the time Bella's in early elementary school she probably realizes she's an alien.

She may look like a combination of Charlie and Renee (and this disturbs her greatly as that can't be right) but something is funky town in Bella's gene pool. Renee assures Bella that she did not take part in any government experiments while pregnant.

And after too many Saturday morning cartoons involving alien invaders, dissections, etc., Bella becomes terrified of doctors and DNA tests. She is convinced her life will turn into ET at any moment now and she's going to have to escape from people dressed in space suits on a flying bike.

(And yes, she checked, she can make the bike fly.)

Bella probably tries to phone home a number of times and... it probably works. Because this is Twilight, a beautiful, strange, universe with all sorts of things in it.

Bella spends a year in space, it goes poorly, and returns to Earth with none the wiser and very traumatized/learned from her experience.

I imagine her life is filled with very strange misadventures that Bella just thinks are normal. Or, at least, normal for her. That time Bella travelled in time, stepped on a butterfly, and then there were Frog People for half a day until Bella fixed it? Yeah, that was a thing.

That time some poor boy asked Bella on a date in middle school and joined her for an underwater quest where they tried to see if James Cameron's Abyss was real or not? Yeah, he hasn't spoken to her since. He's also terrified of fish now. And megaladons.

Beautiful marble people in the Forks cafeteria? Bella assumes that one's her fault. She doesn't know how, she doesn't know what she did, but she is 100% certain that the Cullens (and the fact that everyone thinks they're human) is her fault somehow.

She must have stepped on another butterfly when she wasn't looking.

Bella's very candid about all of this with Edward (which of course horrifies him because THE SECRET) but Bella has absolutely no sense of self preservation. Dying's obnoxious, and sometimes painful, but she's been there and done that.

Edward somehow still convinces himself that Bella's a beautiful maiden in need of his protection. This is even after Bella shows off her own totally awesome gift(s). "You see, Edward, I just made a dimension of shrimp. Not sure when anyone's ever going to need that. But wouldn't it be awesome?"

Edward thinks that's nice, hamburger thinks its special.

Bella can't believe she has friends. Even if they're blood drinking aliens. This. Is. Amazing.

She takes the Cullens to space and pointedly doesn't visit her alien friends. They don't talk about that adventure. It did not go well. By the way, did you know that Bella is worshipped in the Andromeda star system? Yeah, that's a thing. But we're not talking about it.

Carlisle starts becoming very concerned that Bella might, in fact, be a clueless second coming. Because there's gifted humans then there's, well, this.

Edward is still convinced he's a danger to Bella and that Bella is an ordinary human with an over active imaginaton.

Whenever Bella does come across the Volturi, Aro's very tempted, but also for once recognizes that this might be too spicy. Bella's this powerful now, what the hell will happen when she becomes a vampire? Caius' vote is an adamant no for the same reason. They decide to classify her as a supernatural creature/give her a pass on the law because. Well. The immortality thing.

And yeah, things like that.

This is one of those ideas that's really better written as a fic than it is as a rambling tumblr post. But know I just picture zany misadventures, Edward being Edward, and all of that good stuff.

[2cute]

a long awaited giant list of plots for every single muse i have. listed will be muse info & beside each connection will be gender & age range if applicable. most are romantic, but i’m 100% okay with making them platonic after some plotting. **note: some muses have powers and/or are not human. they have human verses. quite a few of these plots listed are for different verses anyway. look at my muse page for further details about these muses. also these plots aren’t very concrete, we can change them as much as we need/want to :)

PLEASE LIKE AND/OR MESSAGE ME IF YOU ARE INTERESTED IN ANY OF THESE PLOTS. while i recognize that the same plot may be written out differently with a different partner, i’ll likely cap each plot at a maximum of two depending on how much attention certain ones get. thank you for understanding.

some of these plots/muses contain triggers that involve chronic illnesses, accidents, abuse, and death. please use caution. if you’d like to avoid certain triggers tell me and i’ll tell you which muses to avoid.

yvette beaumont. 24. bisexual. tattoo artist. she/her. tati gabrielle

[any, 21-29] would kill for a classic flower shop owner/tattoo artist thread. can’t really go wrong with that.

[platonic or romantic] in an au where yvette can use her tattoos as sort of magic runes, she tattoos a specific rune [muse/mun’s choice] onto your muse. whether she tells them or not can be discussed / whether your muse knows of her abilities can be discussed. 

[any, 21-29] rival tattoo artists...? idk. @.@ it’d be fun. can be platonic.

fengmian zhou. 22. lesbian. paramedic. she/they. zhong feifei

[any if platonic, women/nonbinary if romantic, 20-26] your muse knew the real fengmian [this fengmian’s dead twin sister] in a platonic sense and were suspicious about the details regarding her death. they eventually find this living twin posing as fengmian. chaos ensues. lots of angst.

[women/nonbinary, 20-26] your muse calls the ambulance way too much for the excuse to see fengmian again. she’s suspicious because what of person has that kind of money huh

[platonic or romantic] fellow paramedic or figherfighter or doctor or nurse etc that often interacts with fengmian. they’re usually on good terms, but don’t often get the chance to chat because their work keeps them busy. fengmian would like to get to know them more :)

juniper kelley. 25. bisexual. law student. she/her. ryan destiny

[platonic or romantic] hear me out. ever seen htgawm? please. just the entire thing. give to me. i want the murder i want the panic i want the entire angsty stupid mess of trying to clean it up.

[any, 24-30] fellow law student? rivals to lovers ? i’d like to see it. constantly trying to one up eacother in class mhm.

[any, 24-30] friend who is going through some family/relationship legal trouble that reaches out to juni to help out/for her opinion. she’s always harbored some feelings for them and is hesitant in doing so but is convinced to help out anyway.

aurora chen. 38. bisexual. trauma surgeon. she/her. constance wu

[platonic or romantic] someone she met in group therapy / grief therapy when her long term girlfriend passed. these two are still in contact and have occasional meet ups just to check in on eachother and make sure the other is doing well

[any, similar age] aurora and your muse made a pact when they were in their twenties that if they aren’t married by forty, then they’d marry each other. with forty fast approaching, your muse contacts aurora after over a decade of not talking. they meet up, start talking again, discuss how the pact was silly and they fall in love anyway :)

navy park. 22. bisexual. nursing student. he/him. jeong yunho

[any, 21-26] these two are absolute bros. best friends. do not separate. they’re bros that sleep together sometimes. friends with benefits, one might say. except they refuse to call it that. they’re besties. that’s all. :) totally nothing bad can happen out of this arrangement

[any, 21-26] fellow nursing student that suffers with him. they’re in this together whether they like it or not. heyyy wanna learn anatomy together ;)

harsh reddy. 31. bisexual. start-up ceo. he/him. dev patel

[any, 27-35] personal assistant of a sort? likely more so a best friend that harsh feels comfortable leaning on when he needs to bc of the stress of running his start-up. 

[any, 27-35] fake engagement lol.... as i am indian i think it would be fun and cute to explore... wedding traditions like that.... ;___; his sibling is getting married and he abruptly says “oh well im engaged too lolll” and ur muse is roped in. haha . how fun :p

dohyun shin. 22. bisexual. personal assistant. he/they. song mingi

[platonic or romantic] well. taps the occupation. let them be your muse’s personal assistant. whether ur muse is a celeb, young exec, or what have you. he’s good at what he does i promise.

[any, 20-27] in a similar vein as the previous one, dohyun is ur muse’s personal assistant except they’re not that great with time management and well they have a kid to look after that he often brings with him to meetings and things. he hopes he’s not bothering your muse. especially since. well. he sort of likes them.

[any, 20-27] does your muse work at a daycare or pre school? congrats! your muse now looks after hana, dohyun’s three year old niece / daughter for part of the day. also dohyun is harboring a crush on your muse. whoops. anyway.

gun hwang. 23. bisexual. webtoon creator. he/they. kim hongjoong

[any, 22-28] gun and your muse are exes, and gun based a character in his ground breaking webtoon-turned-tv show after the relationship they had. hint: based. it’s not very obvious to anyone that it’s from a true story until your muse, an actor, gets cast to be playing ‘themself’ in the show. doesn’t bode well for gun, who’s invited to help out the director to really get his vision across.

[any, 22-28] haha fake dating time! gun needs someone to come to an event promoting the webtoon company they make webtoons for with them! and who better to ask than the one (1) friend they have, aka your muse :) alternatively, your muse needs to bring a s/o to a big important family event and they panic and choose gun. meanwhile, gun is very fucking terrified of big important family events considering their own family situation. this is fine :)

silver han. 22. bisexual. hitman. he/they/she. choi san

[platonic, romantic, antagonistic] congrats! your muse is silver’s new target :) unfortunately, for once in his terrible life, silver is having a very difficult time tracking your muse down! how fun.

[any, 20-27] your muse and silver are dating. silver gets assigned you as a hit and refuses to do so. things go south when your muse finds out.

[any, 20-25] your muse and silver work at the same ~agency~ only they’ve always been going head-to-head at the work they do. cue the rivalry! the hatred! oh no they’re assigned to a big mission together. silver hates it. oh no. so terrible that they end up having Tension. sad. who else cried

ilseong park. 21. bisexual. crown prince. he/they. kang yeosang

[platonic romantic antagonistic] your muse was namil (dead older brother)’s best friend. how r they acting now. esp considering.. well.. how much alike ilseong looks to namil . how sad.

[any, 20-25] SLAMS HANDS ON THE TABLE. PRINCESS PROTECTION PROGRAM ANYONE???? ilseong is sent to another country to attend college to keep him safe. maybe your muse knows who he is maybe they don’t. ilseong is looking for that #college experience. give it to them. 

[any, 20-25] bodyguard :) ilseong’s reckless and stupid and needs someone to practically babysit him otherwise he’s gonna escape and put himself in danger. we can’t have that can we?

[any, 20-25] please just any dramatic royalty plots i will sell my soul..

winter hollis. 22. lesbian. streamer. she/her. chloe bailey

[women/nonbinary, 20-27] hear me out: they hate eachother online but in real life they’re besties. or vice versa. and! they don’t know the other’s alter ego. how fun!

[women/nonbinary, 20-27] established relationship! winter’s kept her relationship with your muse a secret from her fans because they get a little bit... @.@ but your muse shows up when she’s streaming a game once and everyone goes wild aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa  

james ‘jem’ maddox. 32. bisexual. vet tech. witch. any pronouns. candice patton

[platonic or romantic] jem finds your muse’s pet and returns it to your muse <3 they hit off <3 meet cute.

[platonic or romantic] your muse brings your pet in and jem saves it. can be a little bit of meet ugly LOL

[any, 27-37] idk i think it would be fun to have recent exes that just keep running into eachother and okay fine we can try again one (1) more time except it’s a mess and their friends r begging them to stop going back to eachother but they Can’t. anyway.

barbra ‘barbie’ floyd. 31. bisexual. neurosurgeon. she/they. shaunette renee wilson

[platonic or romantic] literally any grey’s anatomy esque plot. give it to me. i want the drama i want the absurdity i want the tears the angst

[any, 27-35] in a similar vein as above -- an ex-patient :) they get tangled together and fall in love ohhh~ except they end up in the hospital again ;___; 

[any, 27-35] barbie uses dating apps. sometimes. when she’s desperate and needs to get her friends/family off her back. can go literally anywhere we can pretend to start from the actual dating app part like it’s from scratch.

dakota ‘kota’ lee. 21. bisexual. con artist. he/him. choi jongho

[platonic or romantic] give. me. kota’s. con. artist. squad. i can create more (private) muses for this i want a small lil squad of con artists just them against the world~ doing fun heists and things. 

[any, 20-22] okay. they were friends in middle/highschool before kota went on t/got top surgery/even knew he was trans and they kinda fell apart from eachother/lost contact and kota did always have a tiny little crush on them but he was scared of ever admitting it and well now it’s been. a long time since that. and they come back into his life and he’s like ah well . im basically a new person. maybe we can try. bc he still has feelings. this is a very roundabout way of saying i want ex-friends to lovers <3 mwah

[any, 20-24] your muse is rich! kota and them have a one night stand and kota steals from them <3 maybe they know maybe they don’t

zuhi bhatti. 32. bisexual. professor. she/he. parveen kaur

[any, 28-36] okay stay with me here. give me zuhi’s ex-fiancé. the fiancé broke it off because they thought she wasn’t giving them enough time. they find eachother again. zuhi wants to get back together because of course she does. whether your muse agrees or doesnt is up to you but personally i’d love to explore the fall of their relationship and the rebuilding of it and the hesitance and the angst and everything that comes with it.

[any, 28-36] LOL. REBOUND!!! she deserves a little bit of a rebound. maybe it’s only one night maybe it lasts a month. maybe they stay friends after maybe they don’t maybe they were always in love with her and she sees them as temporary.

[any, professor and/or researcher] your muse work’s in the same department as zuhi at the same university :) a little bit of a rivalry. for fun :)

inhye jeon. 22. lesbian. heiress’ drummer. she/he. jung jinsol

[platonic or romantic] MEET UGLY. PLEASE LET INHYE ACCIDENTALLY PUNCH/ELBOW/OTHERWISE HURT YOUR MUSE IN THE CROWD DURING (ANOTHER ARTIST’S) CONCERT. i just think it would be funny.

[women/nonbinary, 20-26] ur muse is in another band that rivals heiress. inhye kisses them. uh oh. scandal.

[platonic or romantic] they go to the same boxing gym :3

narae jung. 24. bisexual. heiress’ guitarist. she/her. kim dahyun

[any, 22-28] narae’s dad, ceo of a large company, is looking to merge his company with your muse’s family’s company. to set this up, he pushes narae and your muse to get together. only... they’ve been together for a little bit now! they’ve just been secretive because their parents have never been on good terms with eachother lol. now they have to do that ~pretending~ they don’t know eachother that well when they “meet for the first time”. cute.

[any, 22-28] long distance relationship as heiress goes on tour. established relationship & the stress of going so long without seeing eachother.

areum na. 21. bisexual. heiress’ vocalist. she/they. kim jiwoo

[any, 20-26] your muse is, by all means, a rockstar. very much incredibly popular. heiress opens for your muse/their band during their tour. as they go on tour together they get closer and closer until... well.. lines blur :) scandal perhaps.

jina hyeon. 20. lesbian. heiress’ bassist. she/they. hwang yeji

[men/nonbinary, 20-24, PLATONIC] their parents set them up. jina is a lesbian this isn’t gonna work out lol. they become besties and cover for each other when their real s/o comes over.

[women/nonbinary, 20-24] one night stand that becomes not really a one night stand because jina is a known u-haul lesbian lol. she stays over one night and shes never leaving sorry you’re stuck with her.

ender shim. 22. bisexual. hospital receptionist. vampire. they/them. jung wooyoung

[???] the vampire that made ender a vampire. please note -- ender is very bitter about it because they turned them into a vampire AND THEN FUCKING DISAPPEARED. left ender to deal with the process of figuring out vampirism by themself. its very stressful. 

[???] a vampire that Didn’t turn ender BUT finds ender being a stupid vampire and decides to help them out. for the record: ender is terrified.

[any, 20-27] the one (1) friend ender has. u know that classic “you can feed from me it’s okay” thing? yeah... yeah..... lays down for a second...

LITERALLY ANY VAMPIRY THINGS PLZZZZZZZ I AM ON MY HANDS AND KNEES. 

angel. 21. bisexual. actor. ghoul. they/them. savannah lee smith

[any, 20-26] literally any and all co-actor type things... PR relationship. co actors that can’t stand eachother off screen but have to act buddy buddy on screen. practicing lines together and uh oh they kiss. etc etc

phoenix ‘nix’ nam. 21 / 33. bisexual. college student / major tech conglomerate heir. they/he. choi soobin / lee minhyuk

unless otherwise stated, all plots are for 20 year old phoenix.

[any, 20-25] superhero-y type things (applies to benji, ember, and jacky as well). nix (& others) can be seen as heroes or villains depending on who you ask. can be their enemy? rivals 2 lovers anyone ? 

same type of thing (also applies to the others) except they’re like. super spies?? yeah. missions and stuff. give me things for that.

[any, 20-25] is your muse looking for a roommate? look no further! nix lives in a penthouse all alone LOL. you know that one headline “Straight guy worries he’s being homophobic to gay roommate, realizes he’s fallen in love with him”. nix can be either one it doesn’t matter.

benjamin ‘benji’ reid. 24. bisexual. works in tech. telekinetic. he/him. chance perdomo

(super spy/hero stuff from nix applies here)

[any, 22-29] i want cheesy romantic things for benji. absolutely super fucking cheesy. domestic things. those two people who everyone is like “oh theyre definitely dating” but they aren’t. yet

december ‘ember’ zhao. 24. bisexual. graphic designer. telekinetic. he/she/they. zhu zhengting

(super spy/hero stuff from nix applies here)

[any, 22-29] tbh most stuff falls under the super hero/spy thing but idk i’d like some dramatic exes stuff. it would be fun to me. i want the screaming crying yelling. <3 love and light.

jacky alston. 23. bisexual. medical student. healer. he/they. quintessa swindell

(super spy/hero stuff from nix applies here)

[platonic or romantic] your muse is a fucking klutz. they do not know about jacky’s healing abilities but he always fixes them up good as new without them knowing. hey you ever watch daredevil? how claire and matt were? he’s claire. give them a matt.

naomi shimada. 34. gay. private investigator. he/they. sen mitsuji

[any, men/nonbinary if romantic, similar age] they met years ago when naomi was still in the fbi and were partners (i mean literally, they worked together, but they could have been partners). your muse is considered dead. while naomi is working a case as a PI he comes upon something that leads them to find your muse, alive. cue angst heartbreak reconnection

[platonic romantic antagonistic] haha your muse is a criminal. naomi is tasked with finding them/taking them down. he thought this case was going to be small and easy but it quickly unravels into something much bigger than expected. game of cat and mouse. at eachother’s throats. one of them always one step ahead of the other.

alijah greene. 32. bisexual. medical intern. he/they. alfie enoch

[women/nonbinary, similar age] ex-wife! they’re on good terms, they just weren’t compatible. they have a son that they coparent/share custody of that’s around 11 now. probably never get back together but it’d be nice just having quiet chats between them and talking about how their relationship was and how their current ones are.

[any, 27-36] ah the act of falling in love with someone after being single for so long and having to balance a demanding job and a kid. it’s difficult. alijah still wants to make it work. but is your muse as invested in this blooming relationship as he is?

harin song. 26. bisexual. medical intern. she/they. han sohee

[any, 24-30] as the sibling that’s continuously overlooked, she’s trying everything to get attention from her parents, whether that be good or bad. this type is definitely the bad kind. your muse, for whatever reason, is a really fucking terrible influence and/or person. harin brings them to the family winter vacation anyway :)

[any, 24-30] your muse is haneul’s best friend. harin likes them. maybe they’ve had a relationship for a bit and are hiding it. maybe not. who knows.

haneul song. 26. bisexual. surgical intern. he/him. lee dohyun

[any, 24-30] just generally flirty vibes :) for fun :) haneul has a big ol’ crush on your muse. they may or may not return it but haneul shows off every time he sees them anyway. plz notice him.

siobhan ‘shiv’ walsh. 26. bisexual. medical intern. she/her. samantha logan

[any, 27-30] okay stay with me. we all know shiv has issues with people saying she’s only here bc of nepotism considering her aunt runs the hospital. give me a resident/attending that Knew shiv’s aunt was bringing her to work here for a Fact. they know she’s here because of nepotism. they are fully absolutely annoyed at this fact and make it their mission to make shiv’s life hell. and it’s working. kind of. because turn’s out shiv is actually very good at what she does and probably would be here anyway. enemies to lovers type beat.

beejal ‘bee’ chaudhry. 25. bisexual. author. can make avatars of herself. anya chalotra

[antagonistic platonic romantic] your muse Knows that bee’s mom is a high profile actress and that her dad is a politician. they know. they plan to bring this to light for some reason. maybe they dont like her. maybe they don’t like her parents. whatever. chaos. 

[any, 22-30] REALITY TV SHOW. i havent seen any but i just think it’d be fun to write bee in that type of environment considering how awful she can be. will likely require a lot of plotting. romantic or platonic or antagonistic i want them at eachother’s throats i want them to kiss i want them to be messy.

[going-merry-go]

Hello! Glad I found your blog :3 For your Halloween Event, may I request Treat with Law + Smoke and Dark? I hope you will have fun writing this :) Thank you!

My first ask ever! Thank you for the request. I absolutely adore our emo pirate-doc! Istg I just want to hug this man so bad. I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it :)

One Fear

🖤 Law x gn!reader Words: 1.1 k A/N: Small sad, big fluff, sfw

“I told you it was dumb idea”, Law let out a tired sigh standing next to you and took a bite off your pumpkin cheesecake ice cream.

It was the Halloween festival night at the amusement park, which meant that the Heart pirates could go to out and have fun and be complimented on their perfect pirate costumes than be chased for being real pirates. You had taken Law, Penguin, Shachi and Bepo to the Grand Haunted House with you. Law had called it a waste of time because “everybody already knows that there is no real ghost in there.”  But you all were excited as ever and not wanting to leave you unsupervised, he begrudgingly agreed to go in.

Law had been holding your hand, so the two of you had made it through the maze-like corridors and out of the building in 5 minutes as he walked unfazed by any of the monsters. But the rest of your group was still stuck inside, probably lost. You had heard Penguin’s scream and the three of them had disappeared from your sight from then onward. Now you were waiting outside, listening to your boyfriend rant about your idiotic crewmates being afraid of painted blood and plastic corpses when you as pirates came across the real deal on a daily basis.

“Well, everyone has things they are scared of, right?”, you tried to cheer him up, “There must have been something inside that surprised you!” You leaned to bite into his black currant ice cream.

He flicked his eyes toward you, acknowledging your efforts and relaxing his scrunched up eyebrows, “Nothing in this place can scare this Surgeon of Death, y/n-ya.” He flung an arm around your shoulder, content to just be standing next to you enjoying ice cream.

But something caught your eye. Law followed your gaze and he knew what you wanted before you even opened your mouth. “Y/n, no! Dumb idea!”

And that’s how you two ended up in front of a creepy looking, run down green tent. The sign outside read “Never fear the unknown again! Know everything from your future to your hidden fears! Fortune teller Hestia: 10 Berries per reading. 100% accurate”

You lifted the flap of the entrance and peered in. A solitary flickering oil lamp lit the tinkling charms and beads hung all around the inside of the tent, a single crooked table with an empty chair on your side, and a not-so-empty chair on the opposite side. A leathery old woman sat in it, hunched over what looked like a crystal ball. Her features were hard to make out with the darkness and the incense smoke that filled the tent.

You dragged Law in with you and push him into the vacant chair. “Hello! This man here would like a fortune reading please!” you smiled pleasantly at the woman whose disheveled grey hair covered most of her eyes.

“No, you are the one who would like that, this man here is a doctor who has no business with all this ridiculous superstitious stuff,” he grumbled but sat down obediently. He could never say no to you when you looked so excited.

You chuckled and slid the money onto the table, so that Hestia could begin.

She looked up to the ceiling and shook her hands, her movements gradually becoming more sweeping and violent.

“Bir iki uc dort bes alti, All that he was, all that he’ll be, Show me! Show me! Show me!!”

Law glanced at your fascinated face. “That’s not a spell, she just counted numbers in a foreign language,” he told you in a low voice.

“AAAHHA! I see it!” the woman shrieked.

The empty darkness inside the crystal ball was slowly turning into swirling smoke.

“You come from a distant place...”

Law rolled his eyes. That would be true for most of the people at a tourist spot.

“... in the north!” Hestia continued. “A cursed childhood, I see.”

Law’s head jerked toward her.

“The curse ended in exchange for a life? You have lost much.”

You were surprised by the truth tumbling out of her mouth as much as Law. You shuffled closer to him and wrapped your fingers around one of his hands, sensing his discomfort.

“But you have gained more. Love and friends. And enemies.” She raised her arms to the sky, in a daze, and slammed them down on the creaky table. “There’s blood on your hands, and souls seeking your misfortune. You have never been able to protect that which you hold dear.”

Law was staring down at the crystal ball, his expression undiscernible. You squeezed his hand. You didn’t care about the fortune reading anymore, you were only worried about your boyfriend.

“That is your curse. A curse that pauses in exchange for life. And if you do not protect well what you value the most, you will lose -”

Law did not wait for her to finish. He was already out of the tent with one hand gripping your wrist and the other hand squeezing your waist, as if he was hiding you away from the fortune teller. You both strode a long way before he came to a halt and let out a shaky breath.

“Law...” you turn around in his arms and hold his cheek. His face was pale. His hands were cold. You had never seen him like this. “Law I am sorry I dragged you into that place. Let’s just forget about it,” you pulled his face closer, trying to meet his eyes.

But the moment your eyes met, you found yourself engulfed in a tight hug, your face pressed against his chest and his nose buried in the crook of your neck. “No.”

“Hmm?” You tried to wrap your arms around his torso. “Law, are you okay?”

“I will never forget what she said,” he softly stroked your hair, “I WILL protect you and I will never lose you. And as long as I have you, y/n, I will be okay.”

His voice was whisper but his heart was beating loudly against your ear.

You kissed him on the cheek and slowly rubbed his back.

You had come to the festival tonight to get to see Law scared for fun. But not like this. Never like this again.

Law was now placing gentle kisses all over your face.

You would forever stay by his side if that’s what it took for him to be okay.

Penguin, Shachi and Bepo came looking for you a few minutes later, finding the two of you still in a tight embrace, swaying a little to the carnival music and whispering things in each other’s ears, Law smiling a smile he reserved only for you.

Trick or Treat Masterlist

[cyla]

CONGRATS ON 100!!! you deserve so much more!! can i please request a yandere alphabet with akutagawa? <3<3

Yandere Alphabet with Akutagawa

Warnings: yandere themes, physical abuse, isolation, obsession, please tell me if I missed anything

AHH thank you so much, you're so sweet!!! Please send me more of these, they're so fun to make!!! I'll definitely be doing more alphabets in the future!!! 💕💕💕

Affection - How do they show their love and affection? How intense will it get?

Okay, baby Aku isn't that good at showing emotions. Much less love. So, to show his affections, he does rather strange things. He might bring his darling the most random objects that he'll think his darling might like. Such as a cool shaped rock idk lmao. Or, he could just kill someone who was annoying his darling. I don't think he would really engage in anything physically himself. Or not until very later on. So I don't think he'd get very intense at all. He's more of a blushy boy I think.

Blood - How messy are they willing to get when it comes to their darling?

Oh very messy. He doesn't care who he has to kill. Nothing is getting in the way of him and his darling. Absolutely nothing.

Cruelty - How would they treat their darling once abducted? Would they mock them?

I think he would be a very isolating yandere. He would take away most rights from his darling, locking them up and chaining them to something so he has a piece of mind that they won't can't escape. And I don't think he'd mock his darling at all!! He isn't one for joking anyway.

Darling - Aside from abduction, would they do anything against their darlings will?

He would most definitely kill off any pesky family members or friends that get in the way. And I feel like he'd tell his darling too. He'd say something like, "I am going out to kill ___. Stay here." And then come back with blood all over him. He would also lock his darling up and make sure that they see nobody but him 24/7. Also punishments of course.

Exposed - How much of their heart do they bare to their darling? How vulnerable are they when it comes to their darling?

On the inside, he bares all of his heart to his darling. But he would hate for them too see that. He tries his best to hide it, he really does. But that doesn't really work. But his darling notices little slip ups here and there.

Fight - How would they feel if their darling fought back?

He would feel betrayed and hurt. Dazai betrayed him and left him, so you would do the same!! He also gets angry and lashes out at his darling. Yelling at them with almost tears in his eyes.

Game - Is this a game to them? How much would they enjoy watching their darling try to escape?

No. Not at all. His love for his darling is never a game to him. And he would never even give them an opportunity to escape.

Hell - What would be their darlings worst experience with them?

Probably if his darling ever said that they hated him, he would get really mad. He would probably physically punish his darling, beating them until they're batted and bruised. But after, when he's calmed down, he would regret it and maybe apologize to his darling.

Ideals - What kind of future do they have in mind for/with their darling?

He wants to be with his darling forever. He doesn't have an intrest in family, he just wants a life long partner that he can safely trust. Baby trust issues.

Jealously - Do they get jealous? Do they lash out or find a way to cope?

He gets jealous all the time!! He tries to solve the problem by locking his darling away. But before that, he would totally lash out at the person, killing them brutality in front of his darling. He would turn to his darling and when he sees the fear in their eyes, he's scared he'll start crying. He hates seeing his darling so scared of him. :(

Kisses - How do they act around or with their darling?

Distant. He hates how he loves his darling so much. It's like he has a constant pout on his face. He wants to touch his darling so bad, but he doesn't know how. :((

Love Letters - How would they go about courting or approaching their darling?

He would drug them and kidnap them. Effective, efficient, and easy

Mask - Are their true colours drastically different from the way they act around everyone else?

Not really. I mean, nobody in the Port Mafia would pick him to be the love crazy type, so I guess? And he is very strict on keeping his darling a secret from the rest of the Port Mafia. He would be embarrassed.

Naughty - How would they punish their darling?

Physically. It's really the only way he knows how to. He tries his best not to overdo it, but sometimes if he's really mad, he'll get caught up in it and regret it later.

Oppression - How many rights would they take away from their darling?

Basically every single one. Nobody but him can see his darling. Nobody can text them. Nobody can think about them. They can't think about anyone but him.

Patience - How patient are they with their darling?

He tries so hard to be patient. But sometimes, he doesn't really understand why his darling is so scared of him. And if his darling manages to push the right buttons, it's really easy for him to loose his temper.

Quit - If their darling dies, leaves, or successfully escapes, would they ever be able to move on?

He would also try so hard to move on. But he can't. The Port Mafia would notice too. He would be even more closed off. He would lash out at people for no reason. He would never be able to move on.

Regret - Would they ever feel guilty about abducting their darling? Would they ever let their darling go?

He would always feel guilty about abducting his darling. But he quickly talks himself out of it. And he would never ever ever even think of letting his darling go.

Stigma - What brought this side of them?

I think because Dazai felt him, he tried to fill that void with his darling.

Tears - How do they feel about seeing their darling scream, cry, and/or isolate themselves?

He hates it. He hates it so so much. Especially when it isn't supposed to happen. He understands how punishments can bring his darling to scream, cry and isolate themselves. But if it just happened out of the blue? He would try anything to fix it.

Unique - Would they do anything different from the classic yandere?

I feel like he actually loves his darling. Or he tries to. Or he has tricked himself into believing this is love. Very apologetic but also not? If that makes sense lol.

Vice - What weakness can their darling exploit in order to escape?

Probably if they put on a good enough act that he has made them so mentally unstable, he'd panic and send you to the doctor and his darling can probably escape there.

Wit's End - Would they ever hurt their darling?

Yes. Only for punishments though.

Xoanon - How much would they revere or worship their darling? To what length would they go to win their darling over?

Anything and everything to win his darling. He is obsessed with them. He would risk everything for his darling.

Yearn - How long do they pine after their darling before they snap?

A good while actually. He is so confused as to why he is so fixated on you, and he would like to know why before he kidnaps you. Probably a good six to nine months.

Zenith - Would they ever break their darling?

No. He loves his darling for them, not some emotionless, broken toy. He would be very careful not to break them.

[tenkoscumslut]

Hawks, Shigaraki, Dabi, Overhaul, head cannon

So this is their reaction to u being on ur period

also omg i did not expect any of my posts to get that many likes, that u guys so much!!! <3<3<3

So um disclaimer this is what i’m like on my period, and to be honest i’ve never met anyone who is calm during their period...there's a lot of sad bois, angry bois and soft bois.

ilysm!!!!!!

Hawks

-He has experience with girls on their period (cough cough mirko cough cough)

-Though your cramps are much more painful and your blood flow is a bit bigger

-When you wake up you’re almost immediately in pain 

-Hawks gets scared and tries to take you to the hospital

-”Kiego i’m fine”, you snap.

-That makes him sad boi

-So u explain you’re on your period

-he goes out to get you chocolates, a Hawks plush, some movies, treats, ice cream, ect.

-he wants to cuddle but u want that one spot where it doesn’t hurt

-So yall end up cuddling in the weirdest way possible

-He doesn’t care

-He just wants his baby bird to be happy and comfy

-Gives you kisses 24/7

-He makes sure you know he absolutely loves you

He is amazing when you’re on your period, like just the best birdy ever.

Dabi

-No idea what to do

-He walked in the room bc he wanted to tease you for literally nothing, just tease

-and you just snapped 

-”get the fuck out of my room”

-he was just completely frozen

-then when he saw you hunched over in pain he started to get worried.

-he picked you up despite all your complaints and brought you to his rooms bc he liked it more.

-”What the hell are you doing?!”, you shouted angrily.

-he didn’t respond he just kissed your forehead, placed you on his bed, and then left to get you a glass of water.

-he was still confused.

-so when you calmed down he asked why your in pain.

-”I’m on my period dumbass”, you muttered.

-he doesn’t know what that it, because he left before Fuyumi had her first cycle

-”Blood comes out, tummy hurts, sex right now means baby”.

-that made sense to him.

-so when there’s blood, and your tummy hurts, and when you refuse to fuck, you’re on your period.

-starts teasing you

-you’re on the verge of tears now

-you beg him to cuddle you

-he ends up cuddling you

not really the best, but he makes sure you get plenty of attention

Shigaraki

-doesn’t give a fuck at first

-when you don’t come in his room to just sit down on his lap and watch him play video games he really doesn’t care

-he just assumed you were sleeping in

-but when you didn’t come in for middle of the day kisses then he got worried

-nope it was more like mad

-since this man is a child.

-he barges into your room and hears sniffling

-your crying in pain 

-he frowned and makes you look at him

-why are you crying?

-”i’monmyperiodandmytummyisdoinghurtandidon’twannagetup”, you just cried incoherent words.

-he groanes under his breath before picking you up easily and carrying you to his room.

-he sets you down on his bed and the sits next to you so he can play video games

-he wanted the blanket

-you wanted the blanket

-you eneded up making yourself into a burrito, and curling up into a ball on his lap

-it was the one spot where it didn’t hurt

-when you fell asleep 

-he would never admit this but...

-he gave u a kiss kiss on your forehead and nuzzled his face into your neck.

Angry but nice towards the end, just let him know before hand and he won’t be anwy

Overhaul

-this man knew about your period

-i mean doctor?

-he knew when it was coming before you

-he knew girls go through pain, small cramps and a blood flow

-so he had all the necessities

-but he did not expect your reaction

-it was a combination of, 

-”You hate me and you think i'm filthy”

-”leave me alone!”

-”Please don’t leave”

-it’s just as stressful for him

-he’s trying to take notes

-and you just have the biggest mood swings ever

-you get easily annoyed

-in the end he ends up just holding you on his couch in the office

-and you just fall asleep on him

-he will overhaul anyone who wakes you up

8/10 the first time, and now he’s a 100/10, just pure cuddles and love

[jimlingss]

hi!! for the requests, could I suggest hoseok, fluff, fake dating au, and the sentence 'I’ve been in love with you since we were kids.' thank you!

↳ Humdrum Amore

2.7k || 100% Fluff || Jung Hoseok

“I never thought I’d come back here one day.”

You stare at the brown building that you once dreaded. The same structure that you had to drag your feet into every morning five days a week after your dad dropped you off. But instead of feeling apprehension, there’s a sense of prickling nostalgia while you look at the building.

“Same.” The man beside you exhales, staring at the green field, the brown doors and small windows covered by blinds. “But it’s not all that bad, right?”

You turn to Hoseok who looks sharp in his simple suit and tie ensemble. You’ve seen him in the same clothes plenty of times, but while you’re wearing your red dress and you’re lingering in front of the school, it feels like the two of you have returned to being awkward eighteen year olds nervously going to prom together as friends.

But Hoseok eases you. “Come on.”

He takes your hand, a gesture you still aren’t used to, and tugs you inside.

The moment the doors are open, you follow the signs leading to the gymnasium and you’re met with a table of refreshments and goody bags. But more importantly, there are people already mingling in all corners. Some are wandering while most have gathered into groups to reminisce. There are those that you recognize and those whose faces have long faded in your memories. 

High school. A time of pubescent years, of growing up and trying to prove yourselves while figuring out your future. You have mixed feelings about that time. All you know is that you’re glad it’s over.

“Y/N?” There’s a higher pitched voice to the left and you turn to see Tiffany approaching with a wide smile. “Hoseok?! Oh my god, it’s been so long since I’ve seen you guys! How are you?”

You hug her for a second. “It’s good. You?”

“Yeah.” She exhales as if she can’t believe you’re together again and you admit, it is surreal. There was definitely a difference from glancing at someone’s post, status and updates on social media and seeing them in person. “It’s been great. I didn’t know if you were coming to this reunion or not.”

You smile, glancing at Hoseok. He was right about coming. “I wouldn’t miss it for the world.”

Someone walks by with a tray of cheap champagne and all three of you take a glass, thanking the waiter. Tiffany sips her drink and gets down to the nitty-gritty. “So tell me, what do you do now?”

You brace yourself, knowing this was coming. “I’m working as an embryologist at a fertility lab.”

“That’s so cool!” Her eyes widen and she genuinely appears fascinated. “It sounds super fancy.”

You laugh, concealing the note of awkwardness in your voice. Tiffany doesn’t know that it sounds much better than it actually is. It’s an entire step down from being a family doctor, an occupation which you once said was your dream. And she has no clue that you’re struggling under your strict manager, that you just received a cut in pay and your hours are strenuous.

But you don’t dare show your exhaustion. Or your discontentment.

You keep flashing a bright smile.

Everyone in high school expected you to do great, that you would go somewhere, do something. You were the smart one. The hard-working one. There’s always been a certain burden of expectations on your shoulders from your parents to your teachers, and perhaps that’s where the need to prove yourself to your former peers stems. If they knew how mundane and regular and normal you turned out — instead of being the successful achiever — you’re sure their disappointment would have a bigger effect on you more than you’d ever admit. 

And maybe that’s why Hoseok offered to pretend to be your partner for the night after you grieved about not being with anyone, when you struggled to find a plus one. He knows you best after all.

“What are you doing?” you ask Tiffany, and she hesitates, looking down at her drink for a second.

“Actually, I’m in-between jobs at the moment.” She musters a smile. “The economy sucks right now.”

You sympathize. “Yeah, I know what you mean. It’s hard to find a job these days.”

Tiffany turns to Hoseok and when she asks what he’s been up to, he says, “Nothing much. I’m working in IT as a development manager for this company.”

“Oh, that’s super cool too!” She’s about to ask something, but then her eyes incidentally stray downwards. You follow her line of sight, realizing that she’s looking at the way you’re holding hands with Hoseok.

“We’re...actually dating now,” you explain.

Instantaneously, Tiffany brightens. “You guys started dating after high school? When?!”

You laugh awkwardly. “Two...three years ago?” It doesn’t sound terribly convincing, so you try a second time, standing your ground. “Two, I think.” It falls a bit short, but she doesn’t notice. 

No. Tiffany absolutely gushes. “That’s so cute! Oh my god! I always thought you’d both be good together!”

That has you taken aback. The relief of getting away with your lie and not being caught gets overtaken by surprise. “Really?”

“Well yeah. You were always close friends and everyone,” she emphasizes the word by drawing it out, “knew Hoseok had a huge crush on you.”

This was news to you.

But Hoseok outright ignores your stare in favour of smiling at your old friend and holding up your interlaced hands by your heads as if it’s a trophy. “Well, looks like I got the girl in the end.”

“Are you gonna propose any time soon then?”

There’s a glint of mischief in Hoseok’s eye. “Maybe.”

He’s way too good at lying. You’re starting to get convinced this is real.

“Aw, I wish I was at this honeymoon stage again. Everything’s so sweet and cute.”

Speaking of which. “Where’s Nick?” you ask.

Tiffany deflates slightly at the question and you wonder if you said something wrong. You don’t understand until she says, “Oh….yeah...we decided to split up a few months ago.”

“Really?” You would’ve never expected it. From what you remember, they were one of the few high school sweethearts that actually made it in the long run, a couple that you used to be jealous of at sixteen. They ended up getting married too and you saw pictures of them traveling together a year ago. Who knew what her life was actually like behind the scenes. “I’m...so sorry, Tiffany.”

“It’s alright. Life happens, I guess, but it all worked out in the end and we both have joined custody of Sunny. It gets messy sometimes but as long as she’s happy, I am too.” She smiles softly and then nods. “Well, it was really nice to catch up with you two. I’m happy to hear you’re going out. Better put a ring on this one before you lose her, Jung.”

“I will,” he promises.

Tiffany leaves to catch up with a girl she knew from choir, so you both bid your goodbyes. But somehow, the conversation leaves a bad taste in your mouth. 

After greeting a few more old friends and acquaintances, you leave to the hallway. 

The nostalgia slams into you, stronger than before. If you stare long enough, you can picture the hall crammed with your classmates, how you ran from class to class, sat in the desks, bored out of your mind and at times, stressed. The walls and rooms hold so many of your memories without them knowing. And that in itself makes you feel old and gray, even though you aren’t.

Not yet, at least. Hoseok always reassures you that you have another good thirty years before you’re allowed to call yourself old.

Said man glances at your expression and reads it like an open book. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing.” You sigh. “It’s just….I don’t know. I was trying to save face this entire time and I even went as far as to lie about our relationship.”

“You didn’t do it alone. I lied too.”

“Yeah, but I wanted this.” You shake your head, slowly rounding a corner and making your way down what you remember as the science corridor. “People probably have more going on with themselves than to care what I’m up to. I don’t know why I was so scared about what they would think about me.” 

The corner of his mouth curls, and he nudges you with his elbow. “It’s high school.”

You lightly scoff but a smile tickles at your lips. “I just feel bad. Tiffany was so honest about herself, and she wasn’t ashamed about how her life turned out, not like I am.”

“No one turned out how they expected themselves to,” he hums in a thoughtful tone while glancing at the bulletin board tacked with handmade flyers for clubs. “It’s okay if you didn’t end saving the planet or finding the cure to cancer.”

You snort and soften. “Yeah.”

Hoseok always knows what to say to make you feel better.

“Look!” The peaceful moment is interrupted by the sheer volume of his voice. He points down the hall. “Our old lockers!”

You laugh, quickening your steps with his. The lockers are not technically yours anymore, they haven’t been for a long time and have probably been through tens of students since. Even right now, there are unfamiliar locks that keep them closed. But you still remember which one was yours.

You stand in front of it and Hoseok stands in front of his which is only three lockers down from yours.

The pair of you look at one another, exchanging grins. “Remember when I kept your math textbook for you since you were too lazy to put it away and we had to toss it to each other every morning?”

“Yeah. I never missed once.” He laughs and it’s a bubbly sound that’s exactly the same as back then. “Remember that time Taehyung stuffed himself inside my locker and we locked him in?”

You burst out laughing. “We almost got into trouble by Mr. Min!”

“Yep. That old man was always trying to pick on kids.”

“Except for that time Jimin launched that cake across the hall and it landed on some poor girl. He was nowhere to be found.”

Hoseok grins and comes over to lean on the blue locker next to yours, crossing his arms like he’s waiting for you before you’re late for the bell.

A sentimental feeling that is both wistful and happy washes you over again. You can recall those years as if they were yesterday. Namely, Hoseok would always be there when you closed your locker door, in the exact same position, staring at you with that identical warm expression. You don’t know a lot of your old high school friends anymore, don’t know what they’re doing or if they’ll come. It’s a natural progression of life, of going different paths and naturally drifting apart. 

But Hoseok has always been your side. Since then till now.

“So.” You turn to him. “What’s this about everyone knowing you had a crush on me?”

Hoseok goes wide-eyed and says nothing for a moment. Then he scratches the back of his neck. “Just stupid kid stuff.”

You raise a brow and hum. “Didn’t sound like stupid kid stuff. How long did you even like me for?”

“I don’t know. Why?”

“I’m curious.” You shrug. “I never heard about this before.”

Hoseok is embarrassed, that much is obvious. You can tell by the way he’s brushing around the subject, not looking you in the eyes, how much he’s hesitating. It’s not like him and that makes you even more intrigued. “A while.”

Maybe you shouldn’t push him so much when he doesn’t want to talk about it. But for some reason, there’s a burning desire inside of you to know. After all, you thought you knew all of your best friend’s secrets.

“What’s a while?”

“Like sixth grade?”

Your jaw drops. “So when we met?”

“Yeah..?” Hoseok seems unsure and he’s staring at the other wall as if it’s the most interesting thing he’s ever seen. There’s nothing but a dirty shoe print on it. “Something like that.”

Now it’s your turn to be perplexed. Although, for an entirely different kind of reason. “But why?”

He turns his head, as if sensing you’re about to self-deprecate yourself. “You’re funny and smart and pretty, Y/N. Everyone liked you,” Hoseok explains it as if it’s factual and your cheeks grow warm.

You suck in your cheek, fiddling with the fabric of your dress. “Then why didn’t you ever tell me you liked me?”

“I was awkward and I was too scared you’d reject me,” he exhales and you glance at him to find an unreadable expression. Perhaps he’s uncomfortable at the idea now that he’s grown out of it and he knows you too well. Or maybe...just maybe...he’s filled with regret.

You shake off the thought before your imagination runs wild.

You’re about to drop the subject once and for all, but as you turn away, the quiet mutter slips from your mouth, “I wouldn’t have.”

Hoseok catches it. 

He freezes completely and when you realize he’s not following you back to the gymnasium, you turn around. “Earth to Hoseok. What’s wrong?” 

“What about now?”

“What?”

His expression is blank aside from the slight furrow of his brow. It’s not often Hoseok’s entirely serious and you’re caught off guard by his demeanour. He closes the distance in three strides and asks, “If I asked you out now, if I said I wanted to date you for real, would you reject me?”

His gaze is dark. Intense. As if he’s mustered up the courage he’s built for years for this very moment. 

Your mouth opens, eyes unable to look away from him and your voice pipes out a timid— “no.”

In an instant, Hoseok’s mouth is on yours. Your back slams against the lockers as he cradles your cheeks in his palms, tilting his head to capture your lips carefully yet eagerly. You whine in his grasps and quickly reciprocate, moving your mouth against his. It’s soft, warm and comforting. Hoseok has always been comforting to you. A slow burn rather than a bursting firework that eventually fades away. A warm bonfire that’s built from the first spark rather than a forest wildfire that ultimately burns out after consuming everything. 

You’ve always loved him. But perhaps it wasn’t always purely platonic like you thought. At least not until tonight where that’s been challenged.

Hoseok's body is firm and warm against yours. His knee is placed between your thighs and you loop your arms around his neck to get him even closer. Your senses are filled with his cologne, the lingering scent of his shaving cream and shampoo. Hoseok tastes like the champagne he drank and you’re beginning to feel dizzy from it. That or you’re running out of breath.

You whimper rather pathetically, but he doesn’t let up. Not until you push at his shoulder and he has to gather his self-restraint to part from you. 

You’re left panting heavily against him, lips swollen and Hoseok exhales before laughing. “I’ve always wanted to do that.” 

You grin. “Always?”

“I’ve been in love with you since we were kids. Practically.”

Never would you have thought Hoseok would kiss you against your lockers. It’s another memory you’re making in these walls even after years of graduating. But you’d like a second time to make up for all the others, so you start to tug Hoseok’s tie to get him closer again—

“Hey!” 

There’s an ear-splitting shout and the two of you flinch, whirling around to the end of the hall.

“You’re supposed to be in the gymnasium!” Old man Mr. Min is bumbling towards you with a cane, his voice surprisingly still full of power even when he looks like a sack of bones.

“Sorry!” You duck your head and before he can catch you, your hand entwines with Hoseok’s. The two of you dash down the hall as if you were still trouble-making high-schoolers.

Hoseok mutters in complete shock, “He’s still alive?!”

And you laugh, squeezing his hand just a bit tighter.

You return to the reunion and your heart is a bit lighter knowing this time, you don’t have to lie.

[kaydeefalls]

Character ask: Captain Jack Harkness

Aw yeah, let's go!

why i like them

Jack is a spectacular example of a character who obfuscates by telling the truth, and it is FASCINATING. He's a great storyteller and an absolutely shit liar. You can always tell when he's hiding something because either he 1. gets incredibly over-the-top charming (if it's a con) or 2. just clams up about it (if it's personal), but usually you DON'T notice because he's distracted you with all his charm and blather. He tells the most obscene and ridiculous stories that are 100% true because he knows no one will actually believe them. And, yeah, he's has never heard of "shame" in a sexual context and doesn't see why he should bother with it, which is just so freaking liberating. Jack is the last person who will ever, ever judge who you are or what you're into, he will fly that freak flag high with PRIDE. And he's genuinely got the biggest heart, I think he really does fall at least a little bit in love with just about everyone.

why i don’t

The amount of manpain that Torchwood shackled him with did make him a bit grating at times, and tried to shoehorn him into the "brooding antihero" archetype in a way that didn't really suit the character. (HATE all the tragic backstory bullshit with his brother, so so so much.) And, okay, John Barrowman is entertaining as hell, but he's...not that great of an actor, and when the story tried to take Jack to deeper places, it often fell flat due to Barrowman's performance. (Sorry.)

favorite episode (scene if movie)

KISS KISS BANG BANG MY BELOVED. There is nothing I don't love about that episode, but Jack shone in it. The resolution of a lot of his Doctor-related angst immediately lightened his character back up again, and he also got to play charmingly wrong-footed and vulnerable when it came to winning his team back, especially Ianto.

favorite season/movie

Doctor Who reboot series 1, no I will not be accepting criticism at this time. It's where the character was introduced and what made us all fall in love with him so hard they had to write him a spinoff.

favorite line

"Who looks at a screwdriver and thinks, ooh, this could be a little more sonic?!"

otp

Jack/Ianto goes without saying, I think. They are such a study in contrasts and I still love them so much. Children of Earth, who? Never heard of it. But I also have a lingering soft spot for Jack/Nine/Rose as my TARDIS OT3.

brotp

Jack & Martha are EXCELLENT bros. More of them please and thank you.

head canon

We never actually got any of his backstory with the Time Agency or why they wiped two years of his memory. I do believe it's because he realized the Agency itself was immoral and covering up something awful, and that he was wiped for trying to get the truth out. Jack may need some guidance finding his moral compass sometimes, but he does have a strong sense of right and wrong and which side of that he falls on, and I think the Agency absolutely hung him out to dry.

unpopular opinion

...he's much more interesting as a secondary character than primary, and Torchwood works best when it's about the ensemble than about Jack himself.

[queerbrujas]

then it vanished away from my hands (part two)

pairing: nate sewell x eva navarro word count: 3.6k for this chapter (6.1k total so far) rating: T warnings: same as before, lots of angst and this won’t have a happy ending

part one | part three | read on ao3

The mutation in her blood was not known to inhibit physical abilities. None of the studies had indicated even the slightest possibility of immunity to vampire venom.

once again thanks to @crowsintheisland for the text post that inspired this entire fic—and uh, i’m sorry?

—

part two: everything that’s under my skin

The transition can last anywhere from twenty minutes to several hours.

The exact duration is impossible to predict with certainty, as is the intensity of the pain she will endure, or the extent of the physical transformation.

(She has now heard all about Nate’s, how extreme it was—the worst the Agency has known since its establishment.

But things are easier now than they were three centuries ago, in the middle of the ocean, with… with everything that happened to him.

Things are easier.

There are substances that can dull the pain, if not counter it entirely. There are measures in place to make this go as smoothly as it possibly can. She will not have to suffer like he did.

Not least of all because she is choosing this.

That is a difference.)

Once the transition is complete and deemed successful, she will, in all likelihood, pass out from exhaustion. Nearly everyone does.

(Nearly everyone, of the ones who survive.)

She will then stay at the facility overnight, under observation until her condition becomes stable.

In addition to any of the common complications that might arise from the process itself, she will be monitored for out of control, violent tendencies upon reawakening (this is not a rare occurrence among the newly turned, she has been told), or for any unexpected reactions her blood might have to the vampire venom.

This will be the most difficult, painful period. Anything that touches her skin will feel like sandpaper. The slightest sound will be too loud.

There will be screaming. Thrashing. She will want to tear her skin apart and climb out of her body.

(A body she may or may not recognize anymore.)

This is expected.

And there will be the hunger. She will have to learn to live with this. Control it.

Over the next few days, her senses will stabilize. It will still be painful, and it will take much longer to learn to dampen them if she so chooses—but she will learn to function despite the pain. It will be a dull, constant ache she will grow used to.

She will then be reintroduced to people other than Agency medical staff.

Nate will be first. His presence is likely to be the only one she will be able to tolerate at this point.

(He will not be allowed to see her before this. This is for the best.)

Then the others.

Morgan.

Adam.

Farah.

In that order.

Then Rebecca.

(Because she is Agent Rebecca Navarro, the handler of Unit Bravo. Not because she is Rebecca-comma-her-mother.)

Her first feeding will be supervised, once again, by specialized staff.

It will not be human blood, not the first time.

Human blood is too intense, too flavorful, and it risks overwhelming her already fragile senses. It will give better results for her to work her way up to it over a period of time.

(She wonders who was the first to arrive at this conclusion, and how they had done so, but this has been Agency policy for at least a hundred years.)

Then, later, there will be tests.

Her blood will be studied again, analyzed for the way its unique composition might have changed or been influenced by the turning process. To assess if it retains any of its special properties, or if it is now indistinguishable from that of a regular vampire.

Eventually, she will be allowed to leave the Facility, and move back to the Warehouse.

She will meet with the fae counselor again. Twice a week, at first, then once weekly. This will continue for the next few months.

Once they deem it appropriate, she will be cleared to go on missions again.

Things will continue as normal.

With Eva finally, fully, a part of this world she has had a foot in for years now.

—

These are the things Eva had been prepared for.

The things she had researched, been informed of, agreed to. This is how things were supposed to go.

(Everything had been outlined in the paperwork she had signed, laid out for her in meetings and sessions the minute she had formally expressed her wish to turn.)

These are not the things that happened.

What did happen is something that has never, for as long as the Agency has had records (and the Agency has records dating back a very, very long time), happened before.

Failed supernatural turnings happen all the time, even under the supervision of the Agency.

Bad reactions to the venom, to the bite. People who are not strong enough, physically or mentally or emotionally.

People who are simply unlucky. It happens.

The strain of the process has claimed many lives.

The Agency tries to minimize the risk with all their prior assessments, but the odds are still not, never, favorable ones.

Eva knows this—this is what she agreed to.

In the end, it was a simple matter of probability—a 50%, 60%, 70% chance of death was always better than the eventual 100%.

(Always better than the knowledge that she would eventually waste away, and that her family—that Nate, her Nate—would have to watch. That she would have to see the already very obvious gap between them grow wider and wider with each passing year.)

It was the only thing that mattered that she had a chance, rather than none at all.

All or nothing.

This is what she agreed to.

But it has never happened before, for as long as the Agency has records, that the bite of a vampire, with the intent and the ability to turn, has absolutely no effect on the person who receives it.

No transformation.

No pain.

Nothing.

Eva’s blood has been studied in as much depth, its properties determined with as much precision and certainty, as the Agency’s technology and reagents have allowed.

The results have been—had been—deemed conclusive.

She was found to be immune to pheromones of all types, siren song, aura reading, precognition, tracking abilities, mood amplifiers.

All of this she has experienced firsthand during missions.

She is not immune to toxins, poisons, spores, paralyzing agents, venoms, or magically inflicted conditions.

This she has also experienced firsthand.

The mutation in her blood was not known to inhibit physical abilities. None of the studies had indicated even the slightest possibility of immunity to vampire venom.

And yet.

And yet. Here she is.

A still-bleeding bite on her neck.

Still human.

—

That night, she does not sleep.

She stays at the facility overnight, as she was meant to.

For very different reasons than she was meant to.

No one knows how to react to what has happened, Eva least of all, so she does the only thing she can trust herself to do: try to find an explanation, a solution.

Something that will allow her to move forward.

The medical staff is just as bewildered as she is, almost as eager to find out why it didn’t work.

There are more tests.

There will need to be more tests, later.

More studies, things they had measured before that will need to be measured again.

Her blood is drawn, sent for quick analysis.

There is no trace of venom in it.

It shouldn’t have disappeared so quickly. It shouldn’t have disappeared at all.

It makes no sense.

—

Nate is as panicked as she is forcing herself not to be.

(He has never done well under stress. This, too, has not changed.)

There is that tightness to his mouth, that slightly more forceful way he shoves his hands in his pockets.

It is so easy to revert to old habits. Especially ones that are hundreds of years old.

He tells her she should sleep, tells her they can work this out in the morning.

(Tries to soothe her when all she wants is to solve this.)

This was not part of the plan. Her hands are shaking.

Nate takes them in his—unsteady as he is right now, the contact helps. It always does.

He is probably right: it makes no difference to have the tests carried out at three or eight in the morning. But it is about the feeling of activity as much as it is about activity itself, and if she stands still she might go mad.

Too often she falls into action as a replacement for feeling.

It is so easy to revert to old habits. Even if they are not hundreds of years old.

She takes a deep breath. Lets Nate’s proximity ease her a little.

Nate is right.

She will—they will—figure this out.

It will work out.

It has to.

—

Over the following weeks, once the initial wave of panic subsides, Eva falls into a routine.

She does not have obligations to the station or to Wayhaven anymore, so she dedicates herself entirely to the Agency.

Unit Bravo is still sent on missions. She is still expected to take part in them, as she was before.

Her life at the Warehouse continues much the same as it was. With Nate, with the others.

She has always been good at compartmentalizing.

Every moment she does not spend with them, however, is now spent at the Facility, in the lab, meeting with doctors and scientists.

She doubles down on the research she had already begun to specialize in: supernatural biology was always going to be her field of study, a chance to put her skills and previous knowledge to far, far more use than she had ever managed as an officer, as a detective. From the moment the Agency started to trust her she had requested to be kept up to date on findings and developments, had requested permission to be included in research programs—to varying levels of success—and spent much of her free time studying what was already known.

(There had been many long, comfortable evenings spent with Nate in his library, reading treatises and books she still couldn’t believe ever made it to regular, human publication. He’d laughed softly when she’d brought that up, once, as she lay on the couch with her head resting on his lap.

“I mean it,” she said, sitting up with a half-laugh of her own. She’d been reading a tome from the early 20th century that detailed the regeneration abilities of phoenixes. “How did anyone take this seriously enough to publish?” She turned the book to look at the cover again. “And this was a regular publishing house.”

That, in turn, led to a fascinating conversation about humans’ tendency to ignore anything that disrupted their worldview too much, and the extent to which the Agency had in fact been connected to that “regular publishing house”, and how Nate knew the person responsible for the publication of that specific book.

The amount of actual studying she managed during those evenings always varied.)

Her newly acquired clearance now grants her access to tests and studies that she can sign off on herself, that she doesn’t need to request from Rebecca (or from anyone) with the hope that they’ll be approved.

Old habits come back, forgotten from her days at university, from a different life. She finds herself slipping into the same rhythm she had been so comfortable with, once—but there is a strange calmness to it even underneath her fevered, focused drive; something soothing about losing herself in slides and results and research.

This is what she had wanted, years ago, before the police, before Bobby. This is exactly what she had wanted.

She has so much of what she had always wanted.

And yet underneath that feeling, there is something else that is slowly, very slowly growing.

Very slowly taking root.

She does not look at it.

She does not think about it.

(Please don’t let it be taken away.)

She does not think about it.

She keeps herself busy.

—

When the Agency clears it, she contacts Verda again.

Eva knows he still has the blood test results from the Murphy case, from Janet Greenland. His research led nowhere, but it remained untouched.

He’s happy to hear from her—asks about her new job. She tells him she’s working in a lab that would make him jealous, would make even the City people jealous. She makes a joke about the Agency’s budget; he laughs.

It’s so easy.

(She is glad to hear his voice, and she asks with genuine interest about Eric and Cara and Lacey—they are doing wonderfully; little Lacey just had her birthday—but it is still so, so easy to lie.)

It is just as easy to convince him to send her his findings. The Agency, it turns out, is a wonderful excuse for pretty much anything, and he is all too happy to help her.

It ends up being yet another dead end. Janet Greenland’s blood had the same properties as her own, and Verda’s analyses say far less than the Agency’s.

There is nothing new in them, nothing Eva didn’t already know.

Another closed door.

(And that feeling is still there. Roots and vines spreading within her.)

—

It has been months.

She is no closer to finding a solution now than she was then: every door closes as soon as it opens. There had been another attempt—a different vampire, an Agency representative she didn’t know—it didn’t matter, it still didn’t work.

There have been tests and studies and even the possibility of turning into a different kind of supernatural—nothing, nothing. Nothing seems to lead anywhere.

It has been months, and she is too aware, too painfully aware in a way that she can’t ignore that months easily turn into years and she is not thirty years old anymore, has not been for a while.

It has been months and the roots and vines that grow within her have taken hold, have reached her throat. That thought is still there, that feeling.

She wakes up in the middle of the night and she can’t breathe.

It takes a terrifying, delirious moment to realize she is in her room—

(in their room, hers and Nate’s, their room in the Warehouse)

(and she’s not sure what she was dreaming except that she is left with that feeling of being on the edge of an abyss, of being about to fall)

—and Nate is there, he is always there, warm hands and strong arms and he is holding her against him, whispering into her ear—in languages she does not know but which have become familiar to her because they are his—until she can breathe again.

He whispers to her in Spanish, too, and in the middle of the night, lost as she feels, it hurts.

Hurts in the full, aching way his love has always hurt, in the way that makes the unshed tears of years past want to finally fall.

They don’t.

She blinks them away, buries her face in the crook of his neck.

“Jaan, love,” he says later, later, after her breathing has settled. His voice is all concern, all sweet care, spoken against her hair. “Sleep.”

He knows he won’t get her to talk, not when she is like this. He has learned her moods and her disposition, knows them better than she herself does. But she hasn’t slept through a night in weeks, and the worry in his voice mirrors the way his hands trace shapes on her skin, warm, soothing.

She doesn’t respond.

“I will figure this out,” she says instead. I have to, she doesn’t say.

She doesn’t look at him.

She’s not sure, really, if she’s saying it to Nate or if she’s saying it to herself.

He draws back, puts the smallest amount of space between them. Hooks a finger under her chin, tilts her head up so she can meet his eyes.

God, those eyes.

Those eyes have always been her undoing.

The purest, darkest brown (and she can’t see well enough now in the low light of their room, but she doesn’t need to, she knows them by heart, could bring them to mind at any moment—there is an even darker ring around the iris, long dark lashes framing them), warm and blazing in a way that stirs her alive.

“Eva,” he says, simply (and yet not, because there is nothing simple about her name in his mouth). It pulls her back from her thoughts, as it always has, as it always does.

(It’s in the way he says it. He has always said it the way it’s meant to be said, the way very few people in her life ever have. The subtle inflections of his accent shape themselves around it instead of forcing it into a different sound and those two syllables have never sounded so right as they do when he says them.

The name of a person you love is more than language. She’s not sure where it’s from. He quoted it to her once.

I summon you back by saying your nombre. This one she knows. It stings, in that same full, beautiful way.)

It’s too much.

His eyes and her name and his voice and his arms and the warmth of him around her and the vines in her throat. Too close. Too close.

Too much.

“I’m sorry,” she whispers.

Her voice cracks. She hates that it does.

Nate blinks, once, twice, before his frown deepens with even more concern and even more love and even more care.

Those are not words heard from her often or even at all. I apologize, if she needs to, if she feels it is warranted—reparations and actions but not this. Never this.

“What for, my love?”

I don’t know.

I’m sorry I’m falling apart.

I’m sorry I’m breaking down.

I’m sorry this is such a mess and I’m sorry I’m getting overwhelmed and I’m sorry I don’t know what to do and and and

Everything in her wants to push the words down.

So she drags them out of her throat.

Painful, painful, it has always been painful (it will never not be painful; her heart was not made for this) but it is pain she embraces, pain that comes from love and from feeling.

She would not, could not hide anything from him. Even if it means giving voice to that one thought that she has refused, refused to look at ever since she felt it make its home there.

Voicing it gives it shape.

Giving it shape makes it something that needs to be confronted.

(“I’ve cracked myself open for you and nothing has ever given me such pleasure,” she wrote once—it seems so long ago—in a letter she meant to give to him but never did. Finding the words, looking at the parts of herself that she hated—she wouldn’t have had a reason to do it were it not for the fact that she wanted him to know all of her.)

“I’m scared, Nate—I don’t know what to do, I’m fucking terrified. What if it doesn’t—what if I can’t—”

And she is sobbing now, words half-formed, tumbling out with the fear acknowledged.

And she knows he doesn’t want to hear this, she knows, it took so long to even have this conversation in the first place and it only happened because she’d been the one to push for it—

Nate holds her, and lets her cry.

“Whatever happens, you have me. You will always have me, I promise,” is the last thing she hears before she falls asleep again, exhausted, drained.

(She thinks he might be crying, too.)

—

Things are different, after that.

She feels—fragile.

Unmoored.

—

Finally, finally, the answer comes.

The results of those initial tests, the ones from years ago, the ones before Murphy—they provide the key.

It is not the mutation in her blood that is preventing the venom from working.

Her blood would, should be able to react to it.

Except—

Except that because of what Murphy did to her, half her blood is supernatural. Half the blood in her veins is vampire blood.

Only half.

Only the blood.

Her DNA remains unaltered, purely and uniquely human, but it's enough.

Enough for the venom to be absorbed without any effect or consequence, because vampire venom does not react with vampire blood.

Because supernaturals can't be turned into other supernaturals.

It’s conclusive, this time, (and trying to undo it would kill her, with such certainty that it is not even something that can be considered at all), and what a fucking joke it is—she would laugh if she weren’t so stunned, isn’t sure she doesn’t—she can never not be human because her body thinks it's already something else.

—

That feeling of dread that grew steadily with every closed door, with every negative result—it claws up her throat now. Spills out, nothing containing it anymore.

It was only a matter of time.

Her hands shake as she turns the key in the lock (and she catches a glimpse of the scar on her wrist and she almost screams) and she is fucking glad she kept the apartment in Wayhaven, now, as she shuts the door behind her and collapses to the floor, a wailing sound like a wounded animal's leaving her—

And then she is crying, sobbing on the floor of an empty apartment she hasn't been to in god knows how long, the palms of her hands pressed hard against her eyelids and still her mind is trying, trying, desperately reaching for any kind of solution, anything that will let her hold on to hope for just a little longer—

But there isn't one.

She knows there isn’t one and she can’t look away from it anymore.

Her whole life she has always found a way forward, a way out of everything; things have always worked out in the end, but this, this, this one time—

This one thing—

She can never be their equal.

This one thing that she wants—

That abyss between them that she had thought possible to bridge, had not thought she could not bridge will do nothing but grow wider and wider and wider until—

Shit.

Shit, shit, shit, shit.

What the fuck happens now?

How does she—?

Fuck.

[fairycosmos]

lmao im actually so desperate to die im considering swallowing two peach pits just to see if i will choke to death because nothing else ive tried has worked so far . you know what my life doesnt fucking matter ill do it. with my luck it wont work i feel im being punished and thats why i cant die. ill do it. if i dont get back to you something happened but i doubt it. im tired like you said i deserve peace. we do. bye maybe i hope this works this is pathetic but im desperate to die

hey, i'm really sorry to hear you're feeling this way. it seems like you're totally overwhelmed right now and i completely understand how debilitating that can be. i know there's nothing i can do or say that will really change how awful it feels, and you're probably not in the headspace to read all this. but if you ever want to come back to it, it'll be here. maybe you could try some of these grounding exercises, here / here and here beforehand to get you in a place where you can focus a little. it's alright, there's no rush or pressure. i just wanted to say first of all that this is not pathetic in the slightest. sometimes the world gets on top of you and you go througn so much trauma and hurt that it really does feel like giving up is the only option. people can only take so much, and i get it. that's the trick of the suicidal brain though, i think. it uses life's suffering and your own past experiences to convince you that it is always going to be this way. to romanticize death and make it into something it isn't in your head. it is actually very hard to die, as i'm sure you know. and it's not the peaceful option or escape you're looking for, either. and the most paramount thing i want to say is that your life 100% does matter. this was never up for debate. you were born with an inherent worth and it hasn't went away just because you can no longer see it. you honestly can't fathom how you've impacted peoples lives, directly and indirectly, and even just the world itself. you don't have to be anybody but who you are, i promise, the whole point is just having the human experience you're having. you're fulfilling your purpose by existing, no matter how hard it is at times. i think it's a good sign that you reached out to me, i honestly think it shows that you have a lot of self awareness regarding what's going on and that you're truly capable of asking for the help that you need. you're not in a place right now where you can trust your thoughts and feelings, so it's good to seek an objective perspective from somebody else. this state of mind is so transient, it's so intense that it's not built to last. i'm not trying to downplay how unbelievably hard to live with, of course, but it can be freeing to acknowledge that this is not all there is, no matter how difficult it is to endure currently. you deserve to be here and to exist in a way that heals you, no matter what your mind is telling you. there can be a variety of underlying causes for suicidal feelings, and obviously they're very serious issues that need real medical attention in order to begin to overcome. but with that and with time, it is totally possible to learn to live a full live along side all you've been through. even though right now i'm sure that's the lastthhing on earth you want to do.

are you currently working with a mental health professional of any sort? your doctor, a therapist, a support group, even a hotline? if not, i would really urge you to get in touch with them as soon as possible. and if you already are, let them know where your thoughts are at lately so they can focus on upping your level of care. if you're worried about money, there are cost-effective choics available, like finding a therapist who offers a sliding scale price, or looking into mental health resources within your community. i know your brain is probably screaming at you to do the opposite, but i promise any baby step in the right direction is going to pay off. the prospect of reaching out and being honest is a daunting one, and i'm only bringing it up as something to consider at the moment (or when you feel able to) so please don't write it off all together. you don't have to do anything right now, just know you have options. you honestly do. and talking to someone really is not as bad as your brain is probably building it up to be. just like with physical illness, mental illness can be confronted and treated. it's all about learning how to manage your unique mind, and even if it takes a lifetime, it is so possible to lessen the frequency of episodes like this. or to become more prepared for them so they feel less erratic when they do occur. discussing about what you've been through, pinpointing root causes of your suicidal thoughts, learnng how to implement healthy coping mechanisms into your daily routine, building a support system, finding the medication for you if needed - all of this is going to make a tangible difference. it is not going to fix everything, obviously, but it is going to lighten the weight and broaden your perspective on yourself and on living. you deserve to be supported without judgement and with genuine care, you deserve to be listened to. there are a lot of people, professionals or otherwise, even just strangers like me, who are willing to filling that role for you.

idk how it is for you and i won't pretend to, but sometimes suicidal people don't want to lose their lives, they just want to stop living the way they are. with so much chaos and unresolved pain and exhaustion. you don't have to hurt yourself in order to get there. i know when you're in this mindset, any even slightly positive piece of advice just feels impossible to believe. but even if you can't seriously take it on board at the moment, i hope when you're in a more grounded place, you can at least consider as an alternative to absolute hopelessness. you may as well, because you are alive and that is not always going to feel like a curse. it is so hard to believe it, i get that, but it is a fundamental truth. you are in an extremely difficult moment but that is not your whole existence. the future is ever changing, and you've already made it through the past, so the only thing that really matters is this moment. focus on what you need, not what you want, but what you need to do right now to truly self - prioritize. even if that feels like the last thing on earth you want do. if self destruction and self harm was gonna make you feel better, it would've by now. welcome the idea of trying something new, maybe just the notion of attempting to guide yourself through this with a bit of self-compassion. please, if you feel like you are an immediate danger to yourself, please exercise any sense of self preservation/ survival instinct and call the authorities, a hotline or a friend/family member right away. no matter what bullshit your brain is telling you, no matter how heavy your heart is right now . everything is always always always changing and things are going to change beyond recognition, it's the one thing you can count on. you deserve to stick around to see it all, and once you've made the decision to do so, you won't feel so stuck and conflicted anymore. i'm going to leave some links that i think might help a little in this moment, but like i said, please call someone if you feel you can't be alone right now. i'm rooting for u a lot and i really hope you are able do the right thing for yourself. if it's all too hard, focus on getting through the next hour. if that's too much, the next minute. and if that's too much, the next second. break it down into what you can handle and let yourself live. and then just go from there. sending you all my love.

list of hotlines

coping with depression

coping with suicidal thoughts

so you feel like shit?

template for creating a safety plan

[my-writings-and-musings]

Hey, I hope you are 100% ok with found family theme? Because found family theme in Transformers are my favourite trope. For the request, would you do the headcanons for Ratchet, Drift and Windblade with the reader who is a techno-organic?

Found Family is the golden trope above all tropes and 1000% supported on this blog anon don't worry about it. Time for some fluff.

Windblade

·Though she's somewhat new to exploring the galaxy, she knows the value of close friends, and how they can become your greatest support when times are tough. She forges bonds that are deep with those she trusts, and she intends to keep those for the rest of her life. To a certain extent one might say she has a family that's always growing. Granted she doesn't just let anyone in, but her kind nature means she's always seeking out those who need companionship. For you, this worked out rather beautifully from the outset. Unlike so many others your nature didn't perturb her in the slightest. She was merely curious, but upon discovering you were being ostracized she took you under her wing and never looked back.

·Like any found family, she introduces you to the other members and explains to each one in private what you'd endured. The bots she'd never known a day without, Chromia and Nautica, stepped up immediately to help. This family is built on mutual support and protecting one another, so think of yourself as having just gained some very large and powerful but loving bodyguards. Chromia in particular has no patience for bullies. Neither does Windblade, but she prefers to sort things out peacefully if you ever find yourself the target of more bullying. That likely comes from her role as a Cityspeaker, given that communication is her greatest skill, and she extends that to you as well. You'll never find her anything but enthusiastic to listen to what you have to say, and she loves to talk and share her opinions right back.

·Speaking of Cityspeaker duties, however, there's someone else in her circle that you'll get to meet. Titan's aren't just her coworkers, she bonds quite closely with them too, and she likes to help others understand that these gigantic beings can actually be quite lonely. Thus, your newfound family turns out to be much larger than you could have ever anticipated. That's to say nothing of how boundless the love and acceptance proves to be, as for the first time you find yourself surrounded by a judgement free environment, and it's like a breath of fresh air. Anything on your mind can be spoken without fear of rejection! Windblade takes listening incredibly seriously, after all, and so for the first time in your life you speak and are heard. The lack of genetic relations does nothing to stifle the wonder of it all.

·Yet, for her incredibly soft spark, Windblade quickly proves she has no patience for the bias you've become accustomed to as a techno-organic. Comments you were once forced to just endure are now met with fiery resistance from your adopted family. Should anyone ever get the idea they can threaten you, that assumption is very quickly corrected. The Stormfall Sword rarely even needs to be unsheathed for them to learn you're under considerable protection, and even if it does Windblade won't hesitate if she fears you're in any kind of danger, and neither will anyone else on your side. When you ask why they reply as if it's obvious; family looks out for family. They're with you through thick and thin, and you don't have to endure any cross words so long as they're around. Each one promises that much.

·Having endured what you have, it takes some time for you to understand that they mean it, and that they'll never abandon you. Windblade has truly taken you under her wing, as she so often likes to joke.

Ratchet

·Being a medic for a species desperately understaffed with doctors can be exceptionally difficult, especially with such high mortality rates, but that's never stopped Ratchet from caring. He knows every life is precious, and he forms friendships with the intent of them lasting a lifetime. No one is ever going to be uncared for if he has something to say about it. Thus, you more or less find yourself "adopted" by the gruff medic before you can even blink. Though techno-organics often face exclusion from bots, Ratchet has spent enough time performing surgery to know that what's on the inside physically hardly matters in terms of character. He's held the sparks of Autobots and Decepticons alike, and at the end of the day they all look the same.

·That being said, he makes it very clear to you that if anyone gives you a hard time, he wants to know straight away. His famously gruff demeanor isn't all an act, and he can absolutely make a bot regret every single mean word they said to you. Not only that, but he knows how emotional health is just as important as physical, so he makes sure to check in on you quite frequently. It's not our of character for him to sit you down if he sees something is bothering you, at which point he'll gently ask if you'd like to talk and he'll listen. Being busy doesn't mean he won't do everything in his power to make time for you.

·Something people often forget though, and you'll probably be quite surprised to see, is how much he likes to celebrate positive achievements and praise your hard work. Like a proud papa, he'll absolutely gush when he hears you've succeeded at something you've been working on. Not just to you either, if you're okay with it, he'll brag about it to anyone that listens. Confidence is important, so he does everything in his power to make sure you know your worth. The other medics all freely join in as well. Everyone who works in the medical bay gets close to one another, so they become your extended family of sorts, like a gathering of aunts and uncles who all do surgery together. It makes for a surprisingly cheerful crew.

·Upon getting closer to him, you eventually see that Ratchet isn't just acting gruff to cover a soft spark, he's arguably the softest bot on the entire ship. On more than one occasion you've drifted off somewhere only to wake up mysteriously tucked in to your own bed, and when asked he'll simply get flustere and say the mattress is better for your back. Trust him; he's fallen asleep at his desk often enough to know. Should you ever come down with any kind of illness, however, all pretenses of gruffness will dissapear very quickly. You'll find yourself doted on by a very caring docbot, one who encourages you to relax and not strain yourself while he brings you anything you need.

·Being a techno-organic often means enduring so much isolation that receiving any kind of medical care is hard, as neither organics nor bots typically want to treat you. However, as you spend more time with the medic who's adopted you, something begins to become clear. Not only do you receive all the medical attention you need without hesitation, but all the care one requires to truly be healthy. As a family should, he and the others medics look out for your emotional wellbeing too. Your sense of self finally begins to heal as you never knew it needed to.

Drift

·When it comes to being alone, few bots have a greater understanding than a former Decepticon. Even on the Lost Light he's pushed to the outskirts, and thus his precious few friends become lifelong companions that are naturally his family. Having explored far and wide and knowing that the prejudice against techno-organics like yourself is awful, his first action when he saw you was to offer his protection. He'll never let anyone endure loneliness if he can help it. You're surprised by how incredibly warm and affectionate he is right from the start, as his reputation would hardly suggest a bot who welcomes you like a literal ray of sunshine.

·Yet in surprisingly short order you find yourself under the protection of a bot who's simultaneously the friendliest and deadliest being on the ship. Drift checks in with you regularly to ensure you're not being made fun of or even made to feel the slightest bit uncomfortable. He doesn't want to kick anyone's butt, but he makes it clear he absolutely will if you're at risk, and he has the go ahead from Rodimus on that front. Speaking of which, the captain of the ship immediately grants you his own protection as well, stating that anyone who befriends his bestie is good by him. You're happy but incredibly surprised to find two individuals with such different personalities acting like they've grown up together, and the two don't even care about all the ways their perspectives differ!

·Growing closer to Drift only makes you more amazed at how impossibly mellow and relaxed he is. Though the bot could easily best almost any bot on the ship in combat, he's only interested in being friends with his fellow Autobots, hoping to extend the tenets of his religion into all aspects of his life. Though he wants you to convert, there's absolutely no pressure to do so, and he happily accepts your refusal if you decline. The laid back mech shows you the kind of nonjudgemental support system you never knew was possible. When asked about it, he says that he wants you to have a place where you'll always feel accepted, and he hopes to provide that.

·Even more than acceptance, you find him to be incredibly encouraging of all your goals, no matter how small some of them may be. Every time you achieve something he's effusive in his praise. Though he doesn't say why, eventually you put together that he sorely lacked the same in his youth. No doubt, he wants to provide you with everything he was missing. Whether he's more akin to a dad, uncle or cool brother becomes irrelevant over time. In time you come to realize what matters is you have someone who will always be in your corner. Should you ever need positive reinforcement of any kind, it's merely a request away.

·It takes time for it all to really sink in that you've been adopted more or less, all without your new family ever mentioning as much. In fact, Drift so naturally welcomed you into his life you're not sure he realized it either. The ninja bot is simply so loving and accepting you could forget there's a harsh universe out there every time he pulls you in for some comfort after a hard day. The peace of having such a system of support is indescribable.