#also there’s some CBT stuff in it which LOVE

[otamotone-dnp]

I checked you will get through this night out from the library and I’m really proud of dan. yeah I’m just now getting around to reading it aksksk but as someone who works in mental health, it’s got some really good stuff in it so far

[castielmacleod]

Let him heal from his own issues or else <3

[damianwaynerocks]

the funniest thing about the batfamily is that they're so smart but they all have zero introspection skills.

the batfamily is smart. so smart. and they deal with the mentally ill population all the time. and most of the time they treat them good! they help them!

i find it absolutely impossible that bruce isn't educated on psychology. there's no way he isn't. no way he hasn't studied psychology, whether it was to understand the joker or any other villains, whether it was to learn how to instill fear, practice for going undercover, hostage negotiation, how to tell the difference between mental health issues and just violent criminals (because he wouldn't know which ones he could talk sense into without understanding why they were doing it), whether it was to learn better methods of interrogation, or even just an interest in how the brain works.

and i guarantee most of the other batkids are too. bruce had to have taught them that so they could learn how to go undercover or how to tell whenever violence is necessary or if you can just talk them down.

dick has a law degree, which means he had to do undergrad. i think it's insane to think that he wouldn't have taken a psychology class. he also was able to understand damian and how to handle him, and he wouldn't be able to do that if he wasn't aware of how his upbringing would've shaped his neural pathways.

tim has a genius level iq. no way he doesn't understand how the brain works. also, he was able to tell that bruce was in a terrible mental state just by observing him as batman, where bruce does everything in his power to hide his emotions. he's also, several times, shown to be one of the only if the not the only batfamily member to understand why jason acts the way he does.

damian likely isn't terribly empathetic to mental health issues. probably a little more now, but not very. but like. he might not be empathetic to it but there's no way he doesn't understand how it works. how the frontal lobe works. how the amygdala works. how to manipulate someone.

stephanie was in college, and just like i said with dick, i find it hard to believe she wouldn't have taken a psychology class.

cass is cass. enough said.

also!! they all have a pretty good relationship with leslia thompkins!! a psychologist!!

all this to say: how on God's green earth do none of them realize they need therapy.

and like i get why. bruce has suppressed his emotions so much that he genuinely think he's fine. dick is too focused on being a support for everyone to worry about himself. jason and stephanie push it all down. cass, and this is not a diss because i love her, would realistically be very emotionally stunted. damian wasn't raised to be empathetic to the mentally ill and even if he was, he's 15. his frontal lobe is so not developed. plus the trauma they've all endured? the training they've had from bruce, who probably wasn't that concerned about teaching them self care and most definitely taught them to put their emotions aside. so like i get it. but also.

they know all this stuff and??? don't for a single second (except for tim that one time) be like "hmmm i could benefit from CBT and EMDR"

except duke.

how is duke the only one who's like "yeah. you guys aren't okay." duke knows. he tries to reason with them and has several times been like "you guys are crazy. why are you chill with this."

which is all to say. i'm convinced that at some point duke is going to try to sit them all down and be like "you guys need therapy. please go to therapy. I'm begging you."

[gerrystamour]

that's the kind of love i've been dreaming of [chapter one]

Written for: Lex's Summer Spicy Six Fanworks Challenge Prompt: Skinny Dipping

Explicit★Steddissy★In Progress

They were absolutely insane; Eddie was certain of it as he parked the van and cut the engine. Steve was sitting on the passenger seat, tapping his cell phone against his inner thigh, while Chrissy was practically vibrating on the bench between them, her grin huge. This is part of my second fill for @thefreakandthehair Summer Spicy Six Fanworks Challenge! CW: Steddissy, Dom/sub dynamics, Good Boy Eddie, Soft Dom Steve, Soft Dom Chrissy, Transmasculine Steve, light CBT, Skinny Dipping, Public Sex, Modern AU, Drug Use (Edibles)

[ READ ON AO3 ]

They were absolutely insane; Eddie was certain of it as he parked the van and cut the engine. Steve was sitting on the passenger seat, tapping his cell phone against his inner thigh, while Chrissy was practically vibrating on the bench between them, her grin huge.

“We should leave any of our, like, identifiable shit in here,” Eddie suggested as Steve opened the passenger door.

Chrissy, in her barely contained excitement, was already scrambling over Steve’s lap to get out. She had said something about racing them when they parked the van, and Eddie guessed that meant now. They had partaken in some high-quality edibles, and Chrissy was always a bit hyper when the special gummies came out.

Steve caught her wrist and she immediately giggled and swooped in to kiss him. Anyone else watching would think it was sweet, basically chaste, but Eddie knew better. Sure the kiss was slow, almost shy, but the way Chrissy arched her back, pressing her chest into Steve’s said otherwise. Add onto the fact that Chrissy wasn’t wearing a bra…

“Hey! C’mon now, this was y’all’s idea! We’re not driving all the way out here just to fuck in the van,” Eddie said, snapping his fingers at both of them.

Steve and Chrissy pulled away from each other reluctantly, and Eddie couldn’t tear his eyes away from their shiny, wet lips.

“What were you saying, Eds? About leaving stuff here?” Steve asked, tilting his head as Chrissy leaned in to kiss his neck.

“Like phones, wallets, y’know. Just in case we get caught and we drop shit,” Eddie replied, lifting his ass to get his wallet out of his back pocket. He also took off his rings before leaning over to open the glove box.

“You’re a genius, Eds,” Steve sighed, catching Eddie’s chin as he moved to sit back up and guided him into a hungry kiss that immediately overwrote any thoughts of protesting.

It wasn’t until Chrissy slid off of Steve’s lap and out of the van that they pulled away for air.

“Luckily for me, I’m in my pajamas, which means I still get my head start!” Chrissy said brightly, her grin huge before she took off. She was fast, even high and wearing flip-flops, her legs long and powerful—well, long for her height, at least.

Snapping out of their thoughts as they watched Chrissy run off in her tiny shorts and tank top, Steve pulled his own wallet out of his jeans pocket and tossed it along with his own cell phone into the glove box.

“I’m not a genius, Steve, I’m a criminal,” Eddie said quickly, squawking a bit when Steve grabbed his face and pulled him into another kiss.

“Uh-huh,” Steve said as he pulled back and smooched Eddie’s nose before sliding out of the van. “C’mon, she’s gonna get cold if she stands out there too long and makes us go home.”

Sure enough, as they reached their destination—several blocks away from where they parked, of course—Chrissy was already rubbing her arms and pouting a bit at them.

“What took you so long?” she groused, sighing when Eddie wrapped her up in his arms and held her tight while Steve led them around to the back gate. It was a little difficult to walk holding her, but they always seemed to manage somehow—it really did help that Chrissy was so much shorter than him.

“You know how to pick locks, Harrington?” Eddie asked as Steve eyed the lock and reached into his pocket.

“I mean, yeah, but I might not have to,” Steve replied with a broad smirk as he pulled his keychain out and singled out a big key. Eddie had always wondered what that one was for. Apparently, it was for Hawkins Public Pool?

Steve slid the key in and tried it, and the lock turned. Letting out a triumphant little hiss of a cheer, Steve opened the gate and motioned them through.

“How do you have a key to the pool?” Chrissy asked with a little giggle, delighted as they hurried around the building to the pool deck.

“I thought we were doing this because, and I quote, it’s only fun if we’re not allowed to be there?” Eddie added with a raised eyebrow, doing exaggerated air quotes in the way he knew would get a laugh out of both of his partners.

“I used to be a lifeguard here, and I just… never gave my key back,” Steve said with a shrug, slipping his keys back into his pocket before pulling his shirt over his head. Once he was shirtless, hair a wild mess around his head, he turned one of his classic, heart-breaker smirks on Eddie and said, “And just because I have a key doesn’t mean we’re doing anything less illegal, yeah?”

Eddie blinked at Steve before looking at Chrissy in bewilderment. “Hopper was right, I am a terrible influence,” he said in a daze and Chrissy just laughed, covering her mouth and snorting as she tried to keep her laughter quiet.

“C’mon, let’s get swimming,” Steve said, rolling his eyes as he kicked off his sandals and undid his fly.

In a flurry of motion, Eddie and Chrissy started to strip, though Eddie stopped while he was still in his boxers. When he looked at Chrissy, she was still wearing her tank top and panties. Glancing at Steve, Eddie had to do a double-take because—yeah, yep, Steve Harrington was buck-ass naked in the moonlight at Hawkins Public Pool.

When Steve looked at them as he stepped up to the edge of the pool, he scoffed. “I thought we were skinny dipping, cowards,” he teased lightheartedly before jumping in.

Eddie and Chrissy looked at each other a bit nervously, but then Chrissy just shrugged and pulled her tank top off. Struck by the sight of her naked tits, Eddie stood there in stunned silence as she finished slipping out of her underwear and jumped in after Steve. Shaking himself out of his stupor and willing his body to calm down, Eddie shoved his boxers down and jumped in.

The temperature of the water was definitely enough to take care of whatever downstairs situation was starting, that was for sure.

“Oh, fuck, it’s cold,” Eddie gasped as his head broke the surface, pouting when Chrissy and Steve just laughed at him. Crossing his arms and shivering, Eddie whined, “I’m freezing my dick off and you’re laughing at me?”

“Get moving and you’ll warm up, Munson,” Steve said flatly, completely unsympathetic as he started doing fucking laps like the goddamn jock that he was. If Eddie wasn’t so into him doing jock things, he would be so annoyed at that moment. However, as it was, the cold water wasn’t going to keep Eddie Junior in check for very long.

“C’mon, Eddie, let’s swim a bit,” Chrissy cooed in his ear, jolting Eddie out of his increasingly horny thoughts, but when he turned his gaze toward her, he just started thinking about her instead.

She was so beautiful, grinning up at him with her hair wet and slicked back, the swells of her tits just barely breaking the surface of the water. They only had the light from the moon and one of the lights in the parking lot to see by, but it was more than enough. Especially with his memories of her body in broad daylight, laid out on the sheets of her bed, flushed and gorgeous. What he couldn’t see right now, he still remembered. When he didn’t respond, Chrissy stood up properly and swam close to Eddie, her softness pressed flush against his front as she slid her hands up to rest on his chest.

Eddie held his breath, one hand cupping her cheek as Chrissy tilted her head back, glancing at his lips before a mischievous smirk passed over her features.

Before he could even react to the change in her expression, Eddie found himself underwater, the lingering feeling of Chrissy’s shove still lighting up his chest. He could hear her peals of laughter through the water, and even through his indignation he couldn’t help the smile that tugged at the corner of his mouth.

Without surfacing, Eddie squinted through the water and found Chrissy’s retreating silhouette through the darkness and immediately swam after her. Even though he liked to make fun of sports and most athletic activities, Eddie prided himself in being an excellent swimmer. Steve regularly lamented the fact that Eddie never actually joined the swim team back when they were still in high school.

His arms closed around Chrissy’s waist and he dragged her under, rolling as she thrashed. When they finally surfaced, giggling and breathless, Chrissy was coughing around the mouthful of water she inhaled at the end. Eddie pulled her in tight to his front and kissed her forehead as she caught her breath, and she clung to him, giggles overtaking her as she tipped her head back.

Without hesitation, Eddie grinned and stooped to kiss her, immediately opening for her questing tongue with a low groan. With a little sound against his mouth, Chrissy wrapped her legs around his waist and Eddie’s hands immediately slid down her back to grab two ample handfuls of her ass. Holding her tight as he stood up so they didn’t sink, Eddie deepened the kiss, moaning thickly as he groped her asscheeks roughly, chasing her lips when she pulled away.

Opening his eyes slowly, unsure of when they even closed, Eddie furrowed his brow as Chrissy clasped her hands behind his head and took a dramatic breath, puffing her cheeks out with it. Then she tightened her legs around Eddie’s middle and launched herself backward, her grip on Eddie’s head dragging him forward and into the water once again.

Their second tussle was much more short-lived as that much naked skin against each other had them both distracted, and soon Eddie found himself pinned against the wall of the pool, Chrissy’s demanding mouth on his as he kneaded his handfuls of her ass once again. That’s just where his hands belonged, on her ass, or her hips, feeling the perfect softness there and getting hungrier. He was greedy and possessive in his touches, pulling her against his hardening cock with a desperate whimper.

When she pulled away to catch her breath, Eddie said sternly, “Don’t try to drown me again, Cunningham, I swear to god—”

“I would never try to drown you while you’re grinding a boner against me, baby,” Chrissy cooed comfortingly, nudging Eddie’s chin with her nose until he tipped his head back and allowed her access to his throat. With a low whine, Eddie groped her ass and rocked his hips against her, his entire body shivering with pleasure as she met his movements, her teeth worrying a bruise into his skin.

Then Eddie shuddered as two hands slid between their bodies to squeeze and massage Chrissy’s tits. Her mouth pulled away from Eddie’s throat as she threw her head back, biting her lips to muffle a cry.

When Eddie opened his eyes—again, when did they close?—he watched hungrily as Chrissy rested her head back on Steve’s shoulder, panting softly against his ear as he pinched and plucked at her nipples. Steve met Eddie’s gaze with a little smirk, turning his face to kiss her sloppily, coaxing her tongue into his mouth. For a moment, it wasn’t even a proper kiss, just their tongues meeting each other in quick touches before they both moaned and sealed their mouths together. It was one of Eddie’s favourite sights in the world, his two favourite people kissing each other and making each other feel good. It was intoxicating.

He was so distracted by the picture they made together that Eddie didn’t even notice that one of Steve’s hands had disappeared from Chrissy’s chest. Steve’s firm grip suddenly settling on his hip made him jump slightly before he leaned into it. It was the only warning he got before Steve’s hand went on to sweep across the front of his thigh until it was cupping Eddie’s balls, pulling a sharp whimper from him. Steve’s eyes met his with a smirk against Chrissy’s mouth as he massaged his handful, making Eddie buck and whine.

The movement had his cock slipping from between his and Chrissy’s bodies and right to where her strong legs met, the length of it rubbing teasingly against the seam of her cunt. Shuddering between Steve’s fondling and the teasing friction, Eddie let out a long, high keen.

Pulling away from the kiss, Steve rested his chin on Chrissy’s shoulder and grinned at Eddie, toothy and predatory as his grip on his balls tightened and pulled until he was sobbing at the pleasure-pain.

“Want him inside me,” Chrissy sighed, her own hands resting on Eddie’s chest before plucking at his nipples, playing roughly with the barbells there with her manicured nails. Eddie sobbed and screwed his eyes shut, head tipping back as she pinched his sensitive nipples.

“You think he deserves it, baby?” Steve asked in a low voice and Eddie felt his head go fuzzy with hot static, the blush on his cheeks so warm he felt like he was about to start sweating.

“Not about him. I want a cock in me, and you didn’t bring any of yours,” Chrissy replied, and God being talked about like an object, like he was just a sex toy for them to use, really did something for Eddie.

Steve hummed at that, thoughtful and mocking. “Could give you my fingers?” he offered and Eddie bit his lip against the whimper that was about to tumble from his throat.

He wanted to beg and convince Chrissy that his cock was better than Steve’s fingers, but he knew firsthand that Steve’s fingers were wicked in their accuracy and talents. He was so fucking good with his fingers; it took a month for Eddie to upgrade to one of Steve’s straps when they first started dating. Apparently, Chrissy went three months with only Steve’s fingers at the start of their relationship as well.

Opening his eyes again, he froze at the change in the lighting, at the flashing red and blue of it. Gravel crunched under a tire, and Eddie could hear the squeak of a brake being applied.

“Cops!” Eddie hissed and that immediately snapped them out of it. The three of them swam across the pool and dragged themselves out, scooping up their clothes. Chrissy managed to get her tank top on before they heard a car door shutting.

“Shit,” Steve hissed, still struggling with figuring out his clothes in the dark.

“Just put your damn shoes back on, Harrington. We have to run now,” Eddie hissed, grinning maniacally at Steve’s alarmed expression. He wanted risk, right? With that, Eddie grabbed Chrissy’s hand and ran around the building to the back gate.

As the three of them fled the pool, Steve and Eddie were still completely naked except for their sandals and Crocs respectively, and they heard a shout from inside the fence. Squealing and giggling wildly, they booked it as fast as they could to the van. Eddie didn’t even bother getting into the driver’s seat, just tossed Steve his keys and scrambled up into the van after Chrissy. Steve was a much better getaway driver, thanks to his ability to balance speed with recklessness perfectly.

Steve started the van and immediately pulled away from the curb, speeding down the quiet, dark road with a broad grin on his face, checking the mirrors for lights.

“This was so stupid,” he said with a huff, laughing brightly as he took a corner just a touch too fast and made Chrissy and Eddie slide across the bench and against the passenger door.

Eddie let out an indignant sound as he threw his hands up. “It was your idea!”

Chrissy giggled and Steve just grinned sidelong over at Eddie, making his heart do a series of somersaults. “Yeah, it was,” he said with a smirk before returning his attention to the road.

[ TBC ]

[ READ ON AO3 ]

Taglist! @mylilplanet @scarcrossdlvrs @patchworkgargoyle @stobinesque @spectrum-spectre @judasofsuburbia @connected-dots-st-reblogger @jaxildan @hellion-child @spicysix @starryeyedjanai @sidekick-hero @steddieas-shegoes @yournowheregirl

[catkin-morgs-kookaburralover]

ways to build confidence/appreciate your appearance

I had someone ask me how I try and build self confidence and appreciate my own appearance, and while I'm a massive hypocrite, I figured that what I wrote in response to her was a good public post. Here's my suggestions. None of them are unique, just what occurred to me:

This is obviously fraught with difficulties depending on your circumstances, but one thing that's helped me is sharing pics of my face with one of my friends who loves how I look. The way she'll boost my confidence is excellent. Obviously you probably shouldn't do that with people you barely know, or online (though this friend is online, I only showed her my face after we'd had several voice calls and stuff so I knew she's not a dodgy person) (yes it's a mutual) (I love you mutual).

Also! Wearing clothing that makes you feel attractive in whatever way. Like if there's a colour that makes your heart sing for joy over it, find that and wear that. Anything you look at and go Yes This Is Right, wear it. I have a few tshirts that I particularly like; for me, those are Strange Planet tshirts, but it'll be different for everybody. Find your own 'style', if you can - that doesn't need to be like 'replace your whole wardrobe', I'm talking 'find things you really like, and get them if you can, and wear them'. Make them, if that's something you want to do and have the opportunity to do. My wardrobe is largely op shop things, with a few that I've specifically bought, or materials I've grabbed and got my mum to make into dresses or skirts, while they're on clearance. It just takes time, sometimes.

Body neutrality is also another concept that I've seen around. I find it... not great, personally, though it helps sometimes. Your body is just that: a body. It means you can do the things you want to do. It carries a brain that you use to think. It's a body. Don't overthink it. (I do overthink it, of course, but like. we're supposed to work on not doing so lol.)

Another important one for Christians is the thing I too often forget, which is that we're loved by God. God designed us the way he designed us and he did it for a *reason*. We may not know that reason, but it was a reason. I was once told by a Christian doctor that I needed to not get in the way of God's plan for my life. I don't necessarily know God's plan for my life, but God does.

And if we're talking things like having an ED, SH or any of those nasty little rabbit holes (I say that as someone who has both), they're highly maladaptive coping mechanisms. I'm not going to say they're good ones, but they can be replaced with better coping mechanisms - that's one thing that therapy's good for, but also you can look up CBT/DBT handbooks if you want to learn some of that stuff. I know I've looked up the handbook I was given by my psych before, and found I could download it freely on the internet.

Ultimately, I think, try and find things you like about yourself - physical or not. For instance, I like my stubbornness and how competitive I can be. Those have downsides, of course, but I like them for the most part. Physically, I like the fact that I'm a ginger. I'd advise you to try and make a list of things you like about yourself, to remind you of what you do like, not just what you don't. When we're not feeling great, our brains can bombard us with all the things we do badly or perceive ourselves as doing badly. Having a concrete list can help to remind you like 'oh actually I like this thing about myself'. Remembering, too, that there are people who love us just the way we are (and God loves us too) can help. I don't know why the people who care about me do care about me, but they do and I gotta remember that.

I cannot overstate the clothing one enough, honestly. Wearing things you feel nice in is important, regardless of whether they make you look conventionally attractive (and wearing things you're comfy in will make you attractive to someone, and even wearing a potato sack, if you enjoyed it, you'd find someone who liked you wearing a potato sack).

Anyway there's the end of my list. I might add on to it later.

[charmingpplincardigans]

IT IS TIME...to make an old-fashioned embarrassing text post like those days of yore before my old therapist started doing CBT.

So, I started an OK Cupid account. It’s kind of a big step, and also something I’ve been joking about for more than a year. Just any time something funny or self-deprecating (or vaguely dirty) came up I’d be like ‘putting that on the OKC profile!’ In the end my OKC profile is pretty tame. Maybe too tame really. I should probably rewrite my bio so I sound nerdier and more romantic or something.

ANYWAY. The point is, it’s scary, knowing that in order to be loved you must submit to the ordeal of being known or whatever, but I took a tiny step which feels like a huge step after ten eleven years of singlehood and touch starvedness. Now I just need someone to message me so I can take another small terrifying step and meet them. And so on and so on. It’s just fear all the way down with me when it comes to intimacy. IT’S FINE. I EMAILED A POSSIBLE THERAPIST THIS EVENING.

Last weekend I met with a friend who just graduated library school and talked to her about how to find a job and such. It was cathartic, and also heartening. I really do have a lot of practical skills from the work I’ve been doing for fifteen years now. She said I have experience with things they didn’t even really learn in grad school, that she’s had to learn on the job. That makes me feel a little better. I still worry about how glutted the librarian market is up here, but there really are a ton of library jobs to apply for in all different industries, so I’ll probably find something that will pay me enough and not murder me eventually.

(My Indeed email today had a listing for a Digital Archivist for the MFA but the pay only went up to $49K??? THAT’S LESS THAN THE TOO LITTLE I’M MAKING NOW. God I’d love to work at the MFA though. CAN YOU IMAGINE? Do I just apply anyway and then be like, just kidding, I want $70K, thanks.)

I’ve also been using they/them pronouns at work with select people. Mostly with my boss and within the Queer ERG channels. And I guess with my grand boss, who guessed it all on her own through a series of slightly hilarious events. I’m not demanding anything, and I still have they/she in my signature because I hate rocking boats and know that I’m femme a lot of the time so I know how people will see me and I don’t want to fight with everyone ever about it and yada yada. Maeve says that’s stupid. She’s probably right, but like. Maybe if I find a new therapist they can help me work through that. I’ve been taking up more space lately, but still not as much as a person probably should.

Like I said, baby steps.

Anyway, my boss saw me list myself as they/them in an ERG meeting this morning and during our one-on-one later she said she was proud of me for all of the hard, scary stuff I’ve been doing lately. (Which she knows about because we talk about work approximately half the time when we talk.) It feels silly to be proud of it all, because most people do this at like, 20, right? All of it. Being able to date, knowing who you are, knowing what kind of job you want. But because she’s a good person she reminded me that when I was 15 and 20 I wasn’t in places where it was safe to make some of these decisions, or even if it was, I didn’t have the support for them. So yeah, I’m proud of it all.

In the last twenty-five years I’ve gone from suicidal to ambivalent to apathetic to super depressed to figuring it out to figuring it out to figuring it out. I’m still figuring it out. But I have an excellent support system. I have people who love me and want to know the whole me. Want me to know the whole me. I have tools to help myself emotionally. I have hope.

I can lament over the lost time, or I can look ahead with a mind to make use of all the time I have left. I maybe got here a little bit after everyone else. I may still be working toward it, but I’m here and I’m working. I’m doing hard, scary things, and that’s what being alive is all about, right?

[hollyhomburg]

If you were to write something with forced caregiving how dark would it be. Just wondering because for me it’s probably already a trope or concept that might be triggering a certain points or like my brain is just having that sort of day. I do enjoy what you write both the shorter and longer things. Want don’t want to come across as like appreciative of those things I enjoy but also like not expecting someone to cater to my wants. How you discussed how there are parts of BILY that don’t appeal to everyone and how I can relate. Like for me I sort of skimmed over the chapters that mc’s time with the mafia and her ex because they just made me too anxious to read and like based on the teasers I would choose if I was gonna wait a bit so situations get more resolved so I can have resolutions to things that might have bothered me otherwise.

not sure what this has become but sort of a love for your story and how like I go about reading it and despite it being different from how others might like I can still enjoy it and adore it.

A mouse

i think the farthest that i'd go in forced caretaking is like some spanking and maybe some cbt and gentle push towards more sexual stuff under the guize of "you have needs and i'm here to fulfil them" it's alright if you won't enjoy things like that! its a ways off if i'm going to write anything like that. i don't have any stories in the works or plans for it it's just a trope that i enjoy and would like to see more of- which is how 90% of the fics that i like to write start so! yeah!

[oncetherenowhere]

This intensive therapy I'm in is having odd effects on me. It's helping me, but not in the way it intends to. I keep finding myself 'snapping out of' my usual bad thought patterns, but it's because...how do I explain this?

I realized that every therapist I've ever had BEGS me to realize that the outside world isn't as bad as it seems. No one is judging you! is said a lot. When that isn't true, and I've tried to explain the microaggressions I face as an autistic person, they kept insisting that it was my perception.

The thing is...I can TELL when something is my perception. I'm very self aware of what is reality, and what is my own sensitivities. Being made not to trust myself has caused me a lot more harm than good, especially in the past year.

I've realized what I actually really, really need- someone who can help me move on! By that I mean, I want to not CARE that people are judging me. I want to love myself enough to not need validation to feel safe and comfortable. But I can't do that if everyone insists that no one is actually ever bad to me!

Like, man, people can suck. People can also be great! But people can suck. I've been treated with extremely cruelty, even by strangers.

I just don't want to care anymore. Because the problem isn't me, isn't it? Despite blaming myself my entire life, so often, I am literally just EXISTING when someone has a problem with me.

I want to not care! I want to get my personality back! I want to be quirky and weird again! I want to wear fun things, and try out every hobby, and go on miles long walks. I want to be myself, because when I WAS myself for that brief, brief time around 18, I loved myself- and I loved everyone else so much, too.

But I don't know how.

I don't know what the first step is. I genuinely don't think the first step is telling myself 'no one is judging me!' because then I'm STILL focusing on what OTHER people are thinking! Who cares if they're judging me! That's what I want to get to.

AUGH.

The combo of autism and PTSD is hard. Everyone assumes I can't think for myself. It's why I rarely tell anyone about either diagnosis. Obviously, in therapy, you have to, that's kind of the point....man!

I just!

Need to find a therapist who can help me with this specific thing, because I don't think I can do this alone. But that means finding a therapist who will actually believe me...which is hard.

I know I've been particularly unlucky in my search...and complaining about therapists makes me worry that I seem like someone who thinks mental health treatment is a sham. I don't! I just don't think the constant CBT stuff works for me very well, and it keeps getting applied to me.

Ugh. The other thing is, I've found therapists near me that really fit the bill, and that are queer friendly to boot- but these ones seem to be more specialized, and usually don't take insurance. It ranges from 200-400 a session, which is wildly unaffordable to me.

Sighs....

But! Knowing what I need to work on has given me some resolve.

[goosegoblin]

If therapy is an option and you haven’t already tried it, maybe finding a therapist trained in Somatic Experiencing Therapy? I also had a therapist friend recommend EMDR to help my anxiety once. I thought it was just for people with PTSD or C-PTSD but she said it’s really versatile and can help with desensitization.

Mm, I've been looking into it. I had also assumed those were mostly trauma-only/ trauma-focused therapies, so that's good to know.

I struggle with finding a therapy modality I like, to be honest. I've had many, many therapists over the years, but after a few months I always just end up frustrated and unhappy. My loved ones are like "therapy was so helpful today!" or "I'm really looking forward to therapy", and that confuses me so much. I anticipate sessions with the kind of dread and dismay normally reserved for dental appointments or unwanted social engagements.

CBT often feels surface-level and useless. DBT feels the same, plus some basic coping skills I already have. EMDR is interesting (purple hat/ the eye movement stuff aside)- but at that point, perhaps plain prolonged exposure therapy is better (which I am kind of interested in, ngl).

I can't picture things in my head so anything with guided imagery is useless to me. Polyvagal theory is pseudoscience and I can't fuck with it. My therapist has done some IFS with me, which was interesting at first, but I... kind of feel like I started thinking in those ways naturally during my anorexia recovery, just by the way that my brain works. That's not supposed to be a brag (lmao that would be the most pathetic flex ever)- just that 'viewing my brain as different parts and being kind to them' was already something I was doing, and it hasn't helped for this.

I'm interested in some somatic stuff, but I know lots of it involves like... moving or beahving in certain ways in front of the therapist, and I'd honestly rather die? I do so badly with requests I perceive as 'cringey' that I got politely asked to not return to art therapy when I was inpatient lmao

Anyway, I've spent 5+ years going to therapists and saying "Hello, can we try ACT?", and every time they agree and then make me do a different therapy. I do not know why this keeps happening to me.

[whatsnewalycat]

Hi! I just saw an ask where you said you were doing EMDR. Can you tell me a bit about your experience with it? My therapist has also been recommending EMDR to me and I am very intrigued but also kinda cautious because the premise sounds absolutely ridiculous. Has it helped with trauma responses? Do you feel any better?

😘💕ily

It has helped so much. Like I know it’s just a stupid brain trick, but it works.

Most of the time I do ART (accelerated resolution therapy), which is very very similar to EMDR (eye movement desensitization and reprocessing).

EMDR utilizes bilateral stimulation (with eye movements for visual stimulation, headphones for audio stimulation, or taps/vibrating paddles for touch stimulation). The therapist asks you to recall the traumatic incident while doing whichever method of stimulation you choose. I don’t know the science exactly, but the L-R stimulation does something to your brain that makes it easier for memories and associated memories to come forward. You allow your thoughts wander wherever they do and see what comes up and communicate it with your therapist. Your therapist guides you through the process of reframing your traumatic memories and the thoughts you have about yourself because of those traumas.

From what I understand, ART is very similar, but the reframing you do is basically recording over the traumatic memories with a memory of something more positive. We do the eye movement thing and I think about the memory, letting it play through and allowing anything else that comes up to play through. Once we get through that shitshow, he asks me to “rewrite the scene with what I wanted, needed, or deserved.” So I play the memory over again and again the way I think it should have been until, when I think about it, my rewrite is what plays in my head. If anything residual comes up, we do some visual imagery stuff to cover it and burn it and blah blah blah.

I hate it and I love it.

Throughout this process, I’ve had a few memories come up from my childhood that my brain completely blocked out but my body still reacted to. When this happens it’s fucking upsetting and earth-shattering, but finding the root of my trauma responses helps me understand myself more, and the therapy blunts the effects of the trauma and how I react to triggers.

My trauma responses have improved markedly. When my children cry or get upset, or when men raise their voices around me, or when my husband tries to initiate sex, I don’t get triggered. I can’t remember the last time I had an episode of derealization. Not only that, but I can recognize why I had those visceral reactions to whatever stimuli triggered me.

It has changed my life for the better and as someone with c-ptsd I 100% recommend trying either therapy. It helps in a way that CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy) never did—although CBT definitely helped with my anxiety, depression, and intrusive thoughts.

If you want to learn more about EMDR and how it works, there’s this book “The Body Keeps The Score” by Bessel Van Der Kolk that dives heavy into it. This dude is like the Forrest Gump of trauma work and is suuuuper insightful in the results of ppl with ptsd/c-ptsd doing EMDR.

ANYWAY SORRY THIS WAS SO LONG. I’m just real passionate about mental health. I encourage you to try EMDR and/or ART if you struggle with ptsd. Every time I go it’s like FUCK OK FINE I GUESS but I am so so so glad I started because I’m miles away from where I started.

[mermaidsirennikita]

I have a friend whos getting into romance novels and would love some recommendations, she's into bdsm, dom/sub dynamics (with a preference for femdoms) harem/reverse harem and polycules. They can be any subgender of romance really, however she's not the biggest fan of mafia books and I think she's not super into dubcon stuff. If you have anything that fits into this it would be greatly appreciated!

For sure!

In general, I would recommend Sierra Simone. Most of her books are kinky with a heavy emphasis on dom/sub, and several of her most famous series are poly. At points, her characters may practice CNC (consensual non-consent; everyone consents to the fantasy beforehand and there are safe-outs ahead of time, in fact she's one of the only authors I've read who covers things like "snap your fingers if you want me to stop" when gags are in play) but it is not dubcon.

A quick rundown of her books and their kinks/tropes:

The Bell Brothers series, which includes:

Priest--Catholic priest/parishioner (sort of), BDSM with a dom hero and a submissive but bratty heroine, obviously a lot of play surrounding Catholicism

Sinner--Novice nun/her brother's slutty best friend, age gap, BDSM with a male dom, virgin heroine

Saint--Monk/his ex-boyfriend, m/m obviously, lighter on the kink but Dom/sub is still present; there's also a chastity device involved.

New Camelot:

American Queen, American Prince, American King--must be read in order, MMF, Dom/sub with a dom hero, a switch hero (subs for the other hero, often doms the heroine but there is more of a power play between them wherein she engages in some light domming) and sub heroine. Begins as a love triangle but is a polyamorous triad by the end of book one. VERY kinky, with things like bondage, spanking, CNC, role play, edging, pain play, light CBT, etc.

Lyonesse:

Salt in the Wound and Salt Kiss--must be read in order, in progress. MMF, though the triad is currently in its early stages. SitW focuses on the main dom and the heroine, who is a sub but is very particular about her submission (she's into pain and is quite aggressive in some ways), and SK focuses more on the submissive hero falling for the dominant hero and then the heroine separately (he has a somewhat more dominant role with the heroine, but it's more of a trade off). A little darker than NC I'd say, due to the dominant hero being more of an enigma and all three leads being more... violent? Not necessarily with each other. Breeding kink (not for actual conception... it's quite queer), bondage, wax play, pain play, etc.

Thornchapel:

A Lesson in the Thorns, Feast of Sparks, Harvest of Sighs, Door of Bruises--must be read in order, VERY poly, six leads with two core relationships (MMF and FF) but everyone does have sex with each other at some point. There's some free use, Dom/sub, very taboo relationships, and there is femdom in the FF pairing.

Outside of Sierra, I'd say...

Preferential Treatment by Heather Guerre. Femdom, the heroine is paid by the hero, her boss, to be his domme. It's actually quite fun and romantic in a lot of ways, but she's also sort of financially dominating him by making him donate to women's shelters and stuff lol.

The Duke I Tempted by Scarlett Peckham. This is a femdom historical, though the heroine doesn't realize that the hero wants to be dominated until the last third of the book or so because he's been trying to hide it from her. He does see a dominatrix during this time, though there isn't explicitly sexual contact (I believe he gets caned, which does arouse him, but doesn't involve direct skin to skin engagement); I didn't have an issue with it as a READER, but obviously it's not ideal for a relationship lol. I liked how it was handled, personally.

Her book The Earl I Ruined also has some light Dom/sub stuff, with a male dom and a newbie female sub.

Hyacinth by S.M. LaViolette. Another historical. The heroine is less experienced than the hero (but not a virgin) but they're both interested in kink and they switch off on dominating each other. At points she ties him up, at points she whips him until he comes, all that.

Sara Cate's Salacious Players Club has generalized kink and I'd recommend:

Praise--Dom/sub with a male dom. He's a pleasure dom, which is depicted here in what I would consider a pretty soft but also very clearly set out kind of way?

Eyes on Me--This isn't D/s so much as it is voyeurism. The heroine is a camgirl and her stepbrother (yes I know... they didn't grow up together) begins watching her, because voyeurism is his thing. Not for everyone, but Iiiiii liked it.

Give Me More--This isn't as heavy on the kink (though there is some bondage stuff and what one hero initially thinks is cuckoldry, but that's actually not his kink) but it is heavy on the MMF, as it's about a married couple realizing they're both in love with their male best friend. Very hot.

Mercy--This is a straight up femdom romance (with pegging, a rare find). The hero realizes that he's a brat, the heroine realizes she's not only a domme but a brat tamer, and we go from there! Super good. I'd say GMM and Mercy are the strongest installments in this series, for sure.

And then leaving Sara Cate...

Scandalous Passions by Nicola Davidson. A fun historical FFM romance with femdom! The older heroine is a domme, and the hero and the younger heroine both submit to her. She falls in love with both of them separately before they fall for each other. Kinky and also pretty clear on consent.

Minx by Sophie Lark. This is a kinky escort/billionaire romance. I'd say that he's the more dominant partner at first, but she's very actively involved and they start switching towards the end. The big kink with this one is PET PLAY, and they both get turns wearing the collar.

Act Your Age by Eve Dangerfield. Contemporary that focuses a lot on daddy kink, with some stepfather/stepdaughter roleplay. Some light CNC is involved, all carefully discussed beforehand.

Possession by Adriana Anders. Generally very kinky, set in a literal "kink camp" where people go to work their shit out. The hero is dominant and the heroine is submissive; there's roleplaying kidnapping, as well as some sharing of her with his friend. There is also a bonus scene wherein he shares her with uhhhhh like... four or five people lmao.

A Lady of Rooksgrave Manor by Kathryn Moon is a historical monster romance, wherein the heroine is a sex worker who ends up with... five...? Male partners. Of various monster origins--vampire stuff, Dr. Jekyll/Mr. Hyde vibes, there's a sphynx, one guy is like... invisible, one is a gollum I think lmao it's wild. There are many kinks involved, including generalized BDSM, somnophilia, etc; I believe one guy is a little more on the submissive side. Some of them interact with each other sexually on the reg, some prefer only her.

Consort of Fire by Kit Rocha is a fun fantasy romance (ongoing series). It's FFM, with the two heroines already in a relationship when one of them marries the hero, and they all begin to fall for each other. The hero is definitely on the switchy side, and we are working up to some light femdom imo. Super hot.

Triple Sec by TJ Alexander... This one isn't out until this summer, but I'd recommend that anyone who loves a poly romance pre-orders! The heroine is recently single and meets this female lawyer she hits it off with; the lawyer is open about being in a polyamorous marriage, with an NB spouse. Initially, our main heroine only dates the lawyer, but slooooowly sparks begin to fly with the spouse as well. Has some light femdom, I'd say.

[glassroo]

i love blue peep but why are they condemned to shock collar??? kinda fucked up to use ECT on a psychic without consent i’m sure there’s better stuff. or was it already there and the psychonauts are trying to figure out how to take it off??? or was it voluntary on their end like “i will fuck you all up if you don’t physically harm me?” not being judgy or anything! just trying to figure out how the psychonauts and stuff slot together in your world cause your ocs are so fucking cool

AIGHT so first off i wanna start by saying TY FOR ASKING ABT MY OCS THIS DOESNT HAPPEN ENOUGH 💝💝 this response will be layered, bc when it comes to any of my ocs, what ive written barely covers 1/50th of whats in my head. ill try and dot-point without rambling too long

the shock collar isnt as severe as it looks, i really leaned into the "exaggerated overblown Psychonauts™️ design" with it. the Psychonauts put the collar on them shortly after committing them to their psychic rehabilitation program. it generates enough of a zap to bother them, and stop their psychic power. nothing more. regular checkups are performed by Sasha to make sure the output treads the border of effective and safe

there is, as of the year our friend is 15, a psychic rehabilitation program within the Psychonauts. its mostly geared towards the youth, people with more pliable minds that tend to be more receptive to change, general age range being 13-19, and is headed by Oleander. Kylie (our pink muppet bestie) and a few others are also in this program :)

I also typecast the Psychonauts as being a bit more...antiquated with their methods. remember the psychoisolation chambers? i wouldnt put a goofy ahh psychic shock collar past them

our baffling friend has used their psychic suggestion so often throughout their life that it triggers in any question they ask or vague statement they make. the shock collar is part of their CBT, and was deemed necessary after they displayed a severe lack of control over this dangerous ability, plus their (admittedly small) rap sheet. anyone not actively shielding their mind WILL be influenced by their words

their overuse stemmed from the need to constantly use their power to survive their situation growing up. without going too much into it, they experienced severe emotional neglect, moderate physical neglect, among more nuanced stuff that comes from having emotionally immature parents

they committed crimes of their own accord. this only started a few months before the Psychonauts captured them. it's not a regular pattern of behaviour for them. they had come into contact with a psychic with similar, but much more pronounced abilities, which influenced them greatly. the Psychonauts (justifiably) fear that without harsh intervention this behaviour would escalate. this person is somewhat on the Psychonauts radar, but not much is known about them

with all said, our friend didnt consent to the shock collar. i dont think most 15y/o's would. but theyre aware of their issues with unintentional power usage...they just dont think its a big deal though. theyve never had an issue with their power hurting someone, so isnt everything being blown way out of proportion?

throughout their rehabilitation they do come to realise (much like Raz with Hollis) that tampering with the minds of others is not something done lightly. while at the start of their rehab their sentences are constantly interrupted by jolts and zaps, somewhat symbolic of their lack of understanding or care for how their words (powers) affect others, towards the end there's barely a spark when they speak. theyre even able to ask a few questions without triggering the collar, or their powers

in summary, this character has a lot of me in them, and tbh i couldve used some harsh psychic CBT instead of having to unlearn bad coping mechanisms the long, hard way. like me, they hate having a name, they love quiet public transit, they fear expectations, and they ponder where their somewhat aimless life will take them. im glad you like them, and i hope my 3am ramblings have grown your appreciation for them! i think the name J. (Jayden) Doe will work for them. for now. like me, theyll probably change it later :)

[kimmimaru]

So, probably a bit TMI (mentions of mental health) for random internet strangers but oh well. I'm sticking it under a cut for people who don't care lol.

So, I've been having a...difficult time lately. I'll keep it simple and just say I'm struggling pretty bad with personal shit. Anyway, I was considering looking into counselling but the NHS no longer fund talking therapy, it's only CBT and stuff which is helpful but not what I need. So I'd have to pay through the nose. And even if I could afford it I've only been able to find 1 single person in my entire town who specialises in treating autistic people. There may be more but honestly I have no idea where to even begin looking. Also like there's loads of groups for older people and people with toddlers but nothing for parents of older kids, groups for the parents I mean. I struggle very badly with making friends and talking to people, I'm awkward as fuck and have no idea how to socialise. Unfortunately I'm not a child so don't have anywhere to go to meet people like me. It's hard to make friends when neurotypicals have an instinctual dislike of autistic people (ok not everyone but apparently they can identify people as 'weird' without even speaking to them and generally tend to avoid us). Sorry, I did say this was probably TMI, but I'm just so fucking lonely and so stressed I'm having heart palpitations. I'm not sleeping either and unfortunately I don't have anyone to actually talk to about it so this is why I'm posting this here. Its at least just getting it all off my chest, even if it's not a long term solution maybe it'll be enough to actually help me get some sleep tonight. My mum was the person I talked to about all this shit, the only one I felt I could actually confide in and she's gone. I have family but they're busy with their own lives and tbh...I never felt like they ever really got me. My dad's a very closed off man, not in a cold way, he was always affectionate but he and my mum got divorced a long time ago and since then I've never felt able to talk to him about deep stuff. I suppose it's something to do with broken trust and all that crap. My sisters are way too busy and have their own problems and lives and my only brother is a lot older than me and far away. They all love me and care about me, I have never doubted it but none of them are neurodivergent. They don't understand me really and never have (that's not a self pitying 'oh woe is me' it's just a fact). It's a very weird feeling to be surrounded by people who love you but knowing they just don't get you. I am extremely aware that people would kill to have what I do, a big, loving family and they try really hard to understand and help but sometimes you just need more weirdos like you who see the world the same way and have the same kind of issues you do. What I want is a day. Just one single fucking day where I can just do what I need to do around the house without just staring at it for hours before I work up the spoons to do it. I want one day where I can actually do something creative as I've lost my drive (probably temporary, depression usually has the opposite affect on me and I write MORE when I'm depressed for some reason). I want to play with my daughter without constantly worrying about if she'll eat something other than junk food (she's an extremely picky eater), or is she'll take a bath without a fight or if she'll actually drink something for a change (yes, we are in contact with doctors about all this, it's just an extremely slow process). I want to wake up and not be exhausted for a change, I want to not be in constant pain for no fucking reason (chronic fatigue...yay). I want to not spend my days unable to focus on anything, to not be constantly disassociating because my stupid brain can't cope with too much sensory input. I am exhausted, I'm grieving and I just want to be normal for a fucking change. Anyway, it's all a lot more complicated than what I've written and it's very unlikely this makes any sense at all. But I needed to write it down, to tell someone, somewhere just so I can stop obsessing over all these thoughts. Maybe now I can sleep.

[thetypingpup]

Ok so like it's just been really stuck in my head (also idk if you're like into subby ateez since I only saw your mommy!hwa posts) but like what if dragon mommy!reader kicking or stepping while wearing heels (plus points id they are stilettos)on puppy!san's cock while still in a suit with a blindfold on crying from pleasure and pain but mostly pleasure and his just crying and whining pathetically trying to rut in foot, he does this until he's screaming for you to just ruin him (I'm sorry I'm just really into puppy play and power play with san he is just so perfect for those)

Not into...n-not into subby ateez?? Well, I would like to apologize to the sub!idol community clearly I have failed y'all. I will turn in my membership card and my company issued shibari rope.

For legal reasons this is a joke please I am joking it's just funny bc I live for sub!idol stuff 😭

Thing is tho, the stuff with the shoes sounds like some form of cbt, which I would consider an extreme kink that I'm not into. Makes me uncomfortable tbh, so I won't be answering this one.

Now I love power play, and puppy play is one of my favorite things, like ever. But yea cbt, cbt adjacent stuff, and stuff with shoes are a no go for me. I'm not into feet at all so I wouldn't be able to do it justice, and I'm into causing pain but not that kind of pain.

[weebsinstash]

Wishing you the best. You’re one of my favorite blogs and I think you’re amazingly talented and creative and your writing, the way you bring characters to life is always a delight to read.

I hope you hang in there, even when times are hard (and I’m sorry they are), cause it’s gonna get better. And yeah, it’s cliché, but I wish you all the love and happiness and that you’ll find IRL people who will cherish you like you deserve. I hope you have lovely dreams.

I'm starting to wonder if the answer to the problem that I've been looking for all this time is maybe trying to move in somewhere with my sister. But I don't know if that would help either because my sister also has some troubles and we haven't always gotten along but, if im miserable living with my mom, and my sister is far away and misses us and she's been through domestic violence and assaults and she doesn't always have a stable environment, im wondering if we should try and find something for us both to move into. Idk.

Im just very lost on how I could move further or fix things. I feel very powerless and small. I think im actually making a really good wage right now though so, maybe I should just, start putting most of my money into savings or something, in case of an emergency or something. I guess something i try to always remind myself is sometimes fixing a problem is a process, not an event, which is just CBT speak for "dont beat yourself up for not seeing immediate results"

But on the writing stuff, thank you 🥺❤ I've been feeling hella talentless and I guess I've kind of noticed a shift in the things I want to write. Like don't get me wrong I still have smut ideas but I also have been getting lots of ideas about, idk. fics meant to fulfill you more emotionally rather than like encouraging you to rub one out? Sometimes writing smut feels like... potato chips. It can be so easy and generic you know? Id much rather write stories where you and whomever build some sort of rapport or there's reasons and feelings established rather than "you bumped into this random stranger and he wants to fuck"

Like I was actually just thinking of a jujutsu kaisen idea I had posted in the past where Reader is a young adult sorcerer and Nanami, as someone else with the same sort of "risking death fighting demons is better than working in an office" mentality, recognizes that you're kind of actively suicidal and even though harnessing your anger and will to die into a Black Flash or two is certainly useful on the battlefield, he's concerned about your mental health. But then he gets you kicked out of the idk sorcerer guild or whatever and that makes it EVEN WORSE because now you "don't have a purpose" and "youre living for nothing" and he basically has to kidnap/save you from totally offing yourself and there's this overarching theme in finding kinship through hopelessness or something idk

And then on the other hand I had an idea for what would essentially be plug n play smut with Adam Smasher where he basically forces you into a braindance where he really smashes your shit if you know what I mean 😳 so the pendulum swings lmao! But I still find writing really fun and enjoyable even if im. Having motivation issues actually getting stuff down 👉👈 so thanks for the support and it means a lot to hear im one of your favorites when there are so many blogs out there 🥰

[redhairedwolfwitch]

Okay I feel like this is going to be a long one, so i'll go ahead and turn my response into an incoherent list of observations, answers to questions or statements that probably don't require them, or to no question or statement in particular and maybe even an incidental unrelated fact or opinion:

Yes, it does suck, but also I decided to use a grater to make thin little flakes of chocolate just for the flavour.

Sucks you can't eat chocolate, are you lactose intolerant? 

Commas are, indeed, very important. Did you know they use commas in musical notation to tell singers when to breathe?

Related to that, singing lessons (or even singing in a choir or something similar) could help with your reading aloud and breathing issues for sure. Although I don't know if you have any singing experience so I'd understand if that's not your thing. I wish it would be everyone's thing though.

Just to throw in a completely random fact, as I am not about to jeopardise the promised incoherence of this list: In medieval times red hair was believed to be a sign of beastly sexual desire and moral degeneration. I assume by your blogname you too are a redhead. I read this today and thought it was wild.

Aching muscles are a sign of hard work, so good job, although it is very important to rest said limbs!

Great job for still going out and facing things you get anxious about, I imagine thats not an easy thing for you. I also hope you have help and/or coping mechanisms to deal with the anxiety you're experiencing.

You're description of the "heartbreak angst fic" is (probably intentionally) quite vague, but I can make out several points. 

I get not wanting big time jumps, although it could be fun to make a jump and then have R reflect what happened in between those moments in time. Could be a tad chaotic, but then again, you know me. 

R crossing paths with their ex sounds rather angsty, so my answer to that is: yes please.

Have you already thought out part 4 completely? I guess (without any context) I'd end exactly where part 4 takes off, but very open. A cliffhanger of sorts, without falling into too much of a cliché ending.

I'm sorry if my answer is too long to post. Although we were going to stop apologising for rambling so scratch this.

Sending you all the love my friend (can I call you my friend now?),

-Chaotic Anon

it's the way i read this, processed some answers but ended up having a nap, then dinner and i just- wow suddenly it's half an hour to midnight...

i can eat chocolate, it's just when i'm stressed my jaw and teeth hate me and it makes biting solid foods a bit grimace-y, y'know, i love chocolate, just not gooey stuff like gooey caramel stuff, don't like goop, it's a texture no no for me sksks

i did not, music was one of the very much underfunded classes when i was in school, before they started cutting hours subjects to make more room for maths, english and sciences. my confidence is on the floor with speaking, singing is... i can hum, humming is better for me, my friend liked my humming once.

yeah, i'm a natural redhead, which means that i need more anaesthetic if i go for any medical procedure (there's research to back it up, we're hard to knock out) and i think only 2% of the planet have red hair, so i stick out like a sore thumb and red heads are barely anyone's type unless it comes to Natasha Romanoff from Marvel, so that's fun... times change sksks

yeah we had to demonstrate that we could do cpr on a dummy for a minute, i fell over trying to stand up after, so that was great too.

my coping mechanisms for my anxiety are messy and depend on why i am anxious, but my psychology degree plus the cbt i've had in the past mean that i am super aware of my thought processes, but it's hard to stop my body from freaking out e.g. racing heart, clenching my jaw in my sleep... when i can sleep, etc

yeah i forgot the name of the fic, is Secret Love Song, my recent one, i have part 2 down, part 3 just feels stuck because i don't know where to end it, or when to post part 2, but R's development in part 2 and part 3 is key to the endings and I just... i'm stuck. also the only way R would cross paths with their ex is the ballon d'or ceremony... and i don't even know where to go with that, so... yeah...

no worries about longetivity, my fics have been in the 5k+ range before so... i have no shame sksks

sure, sure, if you want to be internet friends red haired anxious pineapple such as myself😅🤔 you don't have to be though.