#and definitely absolutely it was the right call

[thinkinonsense]

i just listened to sabrina's new album and oh my god the song slim pickins is such a song that was written from daydreaming about lumberjack!logan, oh and the recent fic that you reblogged was just so yummy and perfect for that song especially the lyrics "a boy who's jacked and nice" like god having to settle down for less because nobody can be him 😭😭😭 need him expeditiously im afraid

it's slim pickins

lumberjack!logan howlett x fem!reader

cw: yearning!! fluff, tiny nsfw conversation (nothing graphic)

a/n: this request couldn't have come in at a better time because i'm seeing sabrina on opening night of her tour tomorrow night!! <3

masterlist

"am i just destined to be alone forever?"

another friday night in the hole in the wall bar outside of town. another date gone horribly wrong. your question hangs heavy in the air as you gossip to your best friend who's bartending tonight.

"you keep picking douche bags." she answers without missing a beat.

"well, that's fuckin' rude." you slur slightly, sipping on your third fruity drink tonight.

"well, it's fuckin' true." she smiles, looking over your shoulder at a group of men that walked in. "why don't you go talk to one of them? they look hot."

you spin around in your stool to see a group of lumberjack workers. these were the men that you worked with, you can't flirt with them.

"i work with those guys!" you hiss.

"sooo...?" she smirks.

both of you quickly end the conversation with the five guys approach the bar. the last thing you needed was for these guys to see the desperate and pathetic look on your face. quickly, you rummage through your purse for some cash to put down.

"what are you doing here, doll face?" a familiar voice asks.

you look up and see the most handsome of the men, in front of you; logan. twice your size, buff, toned, tan... god, you had such a crush on him. never in a million years would you go after him though, he's too good to want a girl like you. you were just a friend. he make small talk with you, laughed at your jokes, calls you little nicknames, and refills the coffee pot for you but thats what friends do, right?

"oh... um, i'm just-"

"she's been sitting here moaning and bitching to me all night about her horrible date." your best friend smiles then introduces herself to logan with a handshake.

"thanks asshole." you mumble under your breath at her, making logan chuckle.

"tough night?" he asks, looking down at you in a way that makes heat rises up your face.

"kinda, but i'll save you all the gory details." you admit, sliding off the tall stool a little ungracefully. "have a good night, logan."

"wait, doll face." he says, grabbing your arm to balance you. "wanna talk about it? i'm sure your friend here is busy."

the alcohol let him take you to one of the booths. all the other men noticed logan and you sitting together, definitely making mental notes to tease you both on monday.

"so, what's on your mind?" logan asks, taking a swig of his beer.

"it's nothing really..." your mouth says one thing but your phone says another; practically buzzing off the table.

"you sure?" he raises a brow.

"uh... yeah?" you sound confused as you peak at the notification. an annoyed groan falls from your lips as you slam the phone back down and sink into the booth. "why? why? why?"

"why what?" he squints.

"be honest, do i have dumbass written on my forehead?" you sigh, hazily looking over at logan. the question threw him off guard; unsure if you're joking or not.

"no." he answers.

" well, i sure feel like one. every guy i've gone out with is either the most obnoxious asshole i've ever met who's still hung up on his ex or he's absolutely perfect but he's just not ready for a commitment right now? what the fuck does that even mean?"

all of your drunk rambling surprised logan. at work, he's only seen your shy personality as you scribble down numbers and log them into spreadsheets. this was a completely different side of you.

"i know what you're thinking, 'why not just try dating a woman?'. well, i fucking would if this town wasn't stuck in the 50's, except the men aren't going to war in order to get away from you, instead they just run back in between their ex's thighs and pull that 'it's not you, it's me' bullshit."

it was getting harder for logan not to crack at your silly yet, adorable expressions as you rant.

"and the worst part is that they can't even get a woman to orgasm." you say a little quieter. logan stores that quote in his pocket for another time. "a few weeks ago, i literally had a man in my bed who didn't know the difference between their, there, and they're! i don't know who's stupider, him for not knowing or me for letting him give me the worst head in my life."

if you were even a little sober, this would be mortifying. sitting in front of your work crush and spilling pathetic details of your love life to him. if you were even a little sober, you would have notice his eyes turn dark and lustful under the dim bar lighting. logan couldn’t fathom that you were having trouble in your love life.

"sounds like it's slim pickins out there."

"you have no idea." you sigh.

"if it makes you feel any better, i don't think that you're stupid."

"you're just saying that to be polite. trust me, everyone thinks i'm an idiot for taking these guys back every time. im just like my mom, my sisters, my friends, and every other girl i know. we make up excuses for their shitty behavior because we are afraid to be alone."

logan could see tears forming in your waterline, about to roll down your cheek. it hurt him to see you so heartbroken over these losers. everyday at work, you came in like a ray of fucking sunshine. you didn't deserve to be treated like this.

"it's not your fault that those asshole don't know how to treat a woman." he sighs, leaning forward in an attempt to comfort you.

"i know, i know..." your voice was cracking and you didn't want logan to see you so vulnerable. suddenly, you rise from the booth. "thanks for listening, logan."

"where do you think you're going, doll face?" he asks, following you out the door.

"should head home." you mumble, pulling up the number of a car service about twenty minutes out.

"let me give you a ride home." he offers. "you've been drinking too much."

it's late, you're exhausted and heartbroken so, you let him help you into his truck. it's kinda old but full of character, like logan.

"what's going on in that pretty head of yours?" logan asks, breaking the silence in the car. "still sad?"

you shrug. "think i'm just going to become a nun."

he tried, he really did, but he had to laugh.

"sweetheart, there's no need to become a nun."

"well, i'm never going to find the man i'm looking for so, might as well join the sisterhood."

"what are you looking for in this dream man?"

logan's question has your eyes wondering over to where his left hand sets on the wheel and his right on thigh. the images of what his hands could do flood your fuzzy mind.

"j-just a good guy who's um, who's kind, jacked... respectful, good with his hands...."

it was shameless, your staring that is. logan worried you might get drool on the car seat, not that he would mind.

"hm... those seem like simple requirements there."

"apparently not." you giggle. "it's fine, though. i'm sure the nuns will be friendly."

"still thinking about joining the 'sisterhood'?" he asks, pulling up to your drive way.

"maybe... i'll give it twenty-four hours and if he doesn't come knocking on my door, i'll just buy a chasity belt and go off the grid with the nuns." your smile warmed his cold bitter heart. "thanks for the ride, lo. i'll see you monday."

as logan watches you fumble with your keys and make your way inside, he fights an internal battle over his feelings. he has had a crush on you since the day the two of you first met. by the end of the week, you had baked him some cupcakes, babbling about how you do this for all the new employees, which was far from the truth he later learned.

you captured his heart. even when he tried to burry his feelings for you, when logan looked at you, his world stood still for a moment. he looked forward to all your silly jokes in the break room or the ridiculous gossip you would tell him when he lingered outside of your office door. he couldn't let you slip away into the arms of another asshole who didn't deserve you.

before logan could comprehend what he was doing, his feet lead him up to your door, knocking twice. the wooden door opened and he knew he made the right decision.

there you were in your light blue and grey plaid pajamas with a cupcake in your hand and vanilla frosting on your bottom lip. logan had never seen you look prettier.

"hey? did i leave something in the–"

in the blink of an eye, logan’s hands reach up to caress your jaw, leaning in until his mouth engulfs yours. the taste of vanilla and alcohol surrounded both of you. forgetting the cupcake in your hand, dropping it to reach up and pull logan closer. kissing him was like drinking a glass of wine after a long day. no more stress or anxiety over anyone else’s bullshit. the two of you gasp against each others lips, catching your breath.

“i could be the good guy, you know?” logan pants, now forever addicted to your taste. “i could be the good guy for you.”

your heart fluttered as you stared up at his pretty hazel eyes, twirling a piece of his hair around your finger. this had to be a very realistic dream, thats the only answer to this.

“you would do that for me, logan?” your delicate voice could bring him to his knees, worshiping the ground you walk on.

“i would do anything for you, honey.” he whispers, leaning back in to kiss you again. maybe your dream guy wasn't as far away as you thought?

[lxvvie]

Soap who's down badt for you.

Soap's an absolute horndog for you, and as someone whose primary love language is physical touch, he'll take every opportunity to express himself.

We've established that Soap doesn't leave much to the imagination around the house. If he doesn't have to, he won't cover up. Much. Especially in bed. Johnny's the one who'll greet you when you're up and around in the morning by hugging you from behind so you can feel how hard he is, as in he's pressing his cock against your ass and you hear a playful and husky, "Mornin', bonnie."

You can ask Soap what he's thinking about, and you'll get that rouge-ish grin, and "Bending you over, bonnie. What else?'

Similarly, you can ask Johnny what he's doing or about to do and he'll go, "About to touch myself to you. ❤️"

Soap is banned from helping you do your self-care and/or maintenance routine because it almost ALWAYS turns into sex.

Same for bathing because you're trying to get clean, Johnny—"I'm helping you get clean, though."— Because fingering you and sucking your nipples is definitely doing the job, huh?

Johnny has also called you on multiple occasions, but instead of getting a response, you hear the telltale slick of him stroking himself. Cheers, bonnie!

Johnny has no issue beating the shit out of an asshole if need be, which means you've seen your fair share of split lips, bruised cheeks, and black eyes. You know how he says you can remedy that, bonnie? "You coming on my face." Oh, dear god—

Let's talk about the times Soap's the one being fucked and how fucking LOUD he is. DELIBERATELY SO. The entire neighborhood could hear him. Goddamnit. Shut the fuck up, Johnny! "Nah," is what he'll say because why shouldn't everyone hear how good you fuck him, how much he loves you, and how much you make him cum? And in the end, you're looking flustered while Soap's sated, smug, and probably (read: more than likely) down for more. Hope they're ready to hear him again.

Johnny who wants your attention on him and loves to give you a show. And a show is what he gives you. Better than whatever the fuck's on the telly at the moment. To be fair, you weren't paying attention, but you were very focused on the horny bastard right next to you, giving you a repeat performance from his phone call earlier than week.

And after he came, you've swiped some of his cum on your finger and fed it to him, baby blues staring you down and all, Soap takes your hand and leads you to the bathroom to help him... clean up. "Like actually clean up, Johnny?" " 'Course, bonnie." Spoiler alert: you didn't clean up. Goddamnit, MacTavish. But would you want him any other way?

[giannaln4]

I'm Sorry

lando norris x fem reader

summary: A moment of frustration made Lando react the way you never thought he would, and boy, would he regret it.  (1.6k words)

warnings: angst, swearing, argument, mean lando,  fluffy ending

a/n: ok so for this, i decided to go back to Baku and put the quali result in a totally different perspective than my last fic. i guess i kinda like it but i'm not very good at describing arguments 😭 anyway pls let me know what you think!!

ALSO i have an announcement to make and i'm really excited for it :)

check out the original request here!

↺ back to navigation — send me a request!

The qualifying this weekend was an absolute mess, to say the least. Lando was hard on himself no matter the result he got. Even if it was good, he would always find something to criticise himself, but P17? Everyone was in for a treat, you thought.

The worst part is that it wasn’t even his fault; it was a stupid mistake by the marshals, and he was not to blame for it. A yellow flag interrupted his lap, and he was immediately kicked out in Q1. 

Seeing the first qualifying session being over with his name in red was not something anyone wanted to see, especially not him, and now that every point was essential, you knew it crushed him.

He came back to the garage to see the rest of the qualifying with his team, and as soon as he got out of the car, you saw how frustrated he was. You understood him, of course, it sucked that this is how the weekend was going, but you would be there for him no matter what.

Once Lando took off his helmet, he headed straight to his driver’s room, and he didn’t even look at you when he walked past. That meant he wanted to be alone, but oh silly you, you decided to follow him.

He let out a loud sight when he heard the door open and close behind him, not really in the mood to hear what you had to say. He knew for a fact you were going to tell him he did well and it wasn’t his fault, which he greatly appreciated, but right now, he just wanted to suffer in peace.

“Baby?” You called him out, just testing the waters, but he didn’t respond. Instead, he hummed in annoyance. “I know you don’t want to hear this right now, but-”

“You are right, I don’t want to hear it,” he interrupted you, not even turning around to face you. He placed his hands on the desk and leaned into it, taking a deep breath. 

That should have been your cue to leave the small room and leave him alone, but for some reason you didn’t. “Lando, don't beat yourself up over this. It wasn’t your fault, and I’m sure things will be better tomorrow. We all know what you can do and you still have the race-“

“This is MY job, Y/N. I probably know better than you do,” he snapped, raising his voice and finally turning around. “This is what I’m fighting for, we all are. Do you know what’s at stake here? I finally have the chance to compete for a championship, and I just blew it.”

To say you were astonished was an understatement; this was the first time he ever snapped at you that way and you didn’t know how to react. “I’m sorry, I just-”

“Every point counts, and not even starting in the top 10 tomorrow- fuck, not even top 15, there is not much I can do.” Now, he looked more mad at you than frustrated at himself, and that crushed you. “I came here to be alone for a bit, I was hoping you would at least respect that." You stayed silent, knowing a single sound would make you cry, and you didn’t want to piss him off more than he already was. “I know you are trying to help, but you are not, you can’t.”

You just stared at him, tears threatening to leave your eyes; he had never raised his voice at you in a heated moment, and it hurt like hell. You definitely should have stayed outside. 

He walked towards the door and stepped out of the room without uttering another word, leaving you alone to deal with your own feelings. 

As soon as the door was closed, you started crying. It was your own fault, really; you could always read him like a book, even today, and you knew better than to disturb him when you weren’t supposed to, but today for some reason you just couldn't keep your mouth shut. Idiot.

You tried to calm yourself down; the last thing Lando needed was to see you cry on top of his result, but it was harder than you expected. This being the first time an argument got so out of hand made you feel absolutely terrible, especially because it was your fault. Deep down, you knew he didn’t mean it, you knew it was his feelings talking, but that didn’t make it any less painful.

A few minutes went by and you could still hear the cars out on track, the mumbling of the team, and people constantly working out there, so you tried to use that as a distraction. Anything to take your mind off what just happened. 

Unfortunately, it didn’t help, but at least you ran out of tears, and now you were just staring at a blank wall, thinking how you could begin to apologise for earlier, if he would even give you the chance to. 

Truth is, you weren’t sure if bringing it up again would be a good idea; you wanted to apologise for disrupting his cooldown moment, but what if hearing that made him mad again? Or worse, what if you didn’t apologise and made the situation even bigger? Your spiralling made you lose track of time, and a knock on the door pulled you out of your thoughts. 

“The car is about to leave, Y/N, they are waiting for you,” you heard someone say on the other side of the door. You were at least hoping Lando would come and get you once it was time to go back to the hotel, but he didn’t.

“Thanks, I will be there in a minute,” you replied, grabbing your things and Lando’s before sprinting outside. 

The car ride was hell. Lando didn’t look at you the entire time; he was just staring at his phone, texting who knows who, his face as neutral as ever. It felt longer than it actually was, and when you finally got there, he just stepped out of the car and didn’t look back. You let out a sigh and followed him, leaving a prudent distance between the two of you. 

Once you were in the hotel room, you both started to get ready for bed, like you usually did, except this time, you didn’t acknowledge each other. 

That was until you were already on your side of the bed and he came out of the bathroom, taking the spot next to you and burying his face on his phone again. The entire time you were building up the courage to say something, anything, now that you decided that apologising was the right thing to do.

“Lando?” You called for him, but again, he just hummed in response. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. You were right, I shouldn’t have said anything, and I should have respected that you just wanted to be alone.”

That’s when it hit him. How could he get so mad at you for trying to make him feel better? 

He dropped his phone and turned to face you, and noticing your sad expression and teary eyes broke him. His eyes softened as guilt washed over him. Why were you apologising when he was the one who reacted like that? But as soon as you looked down at your hands to avoid eye contact and tears started falling down your face again, he felt even worse. 

“Y/N… Baby, I’m so sorry.” He got closer to you, softly taking your cheeks in his hands to get you to look at him. “Please don’t cry, I’m sorry I acted like a dick and raised my voice at you,” he stared, wiping your tears away, carefully thinking about what else he could say. 

You, on the other hand, didn’t know how to react. Your plan was to apologise and hopefully move on, but now that he was apologising, you didn’t know what to say; you didn’t want him to feel guilty, even though it was his fault you were in that position right now. If only he took a different approach. 

“It wasn’t your fault, okay? You were just trying to help, and I should have appreciated that, you know that I do, I just... I don’t know, there is no excuse for what I did.” But you were still silent and trying to avoid eye contact. “Baby, say something.” 

“Lando, you yelled at me.” You finally replied, your voice a bit muffled by your tears.

“I know, I shouldn’t have done that, and I promise I’ll never do it again.”

After a minute of silence, you just nodded, which made him let out a sigh of relief. “Okay.”

“Okay? I’m sorry, my love.” He pulled you into a hug, your head on his chest as he placed a soft kiss on your head. “I know I was a dick, and I really wish I was nicer about it.”

“It’s okay, I get it; you were frustrated with your result, and I should’ve known better than to interfere with what you were feeling.”

“No, it’s not okay. I was frustrated, but I shouldn’t have taken it out on you.” Lando was rubbing your back softly, trying to bring you the comfort you tried to give him earlier. “I love you, and I can’t describe how much I appreciate everything you do for me; I know having to deal with my shit is not easy, so thank you.”

“It’s fine, I mean it.” You looked up at him, locking eyes finally in the entire day. “Just... don’t push me away, okay? And if you do need to be alone, just say it, and I promise I will listen next time.”

“Okay, sounds good.”

He gently placed a hand on your check, rubbing small circles before leaning in for a kiss, one both of you much needed. And with one final ‘I love you’, you feel asleep in his arms.

[liloinkoink]

hey guys, someone just sent me a weird ass ask claiming my incredibly close friend cherri @cherrifire secretly hate me and is talking abt me behind my back. i was not the only person to get one of these identical slanderous asks. i’ve already blocked the anon but like. open letter to them, and for the benefit of anyone else who gets an ask like this….

1) anon, you’re genuinely fucking stupid

2) hysterical to send this when i was actively chatting w her, while we were in the process of fleshing out yet another renchanting au, something we have done all day every day for… gosh, how long has it been now? nearly two years? i would say that it was really bad timing to send this ask to me while i was actively chatting aus w her but there really isn’t any moment you could have sent this that i wouldn’t have been.

3) if you thought i wasn’t gonna call bullshit and snitch immediately you don’t know shit about me or cherri, which, granted, is evident by the ask in general, but you really are stupid

4) if a gc like this existed—which it does not, bc cherri is not like this and would not do this—i would be in it. this idiot doesn’t even know im cherri’s emotional support writer. do you have any idea how many gcs and servers she’s dragged me into w her.

5) get your facts right cherri talks shit about me to my face. this is mutual. fake ass fan. if you were a real cherri friend you would know this smh

6) no, actually, you’re right, she definitely hates me. that’s why i met her irl literally like 3 months ago on her invitation, we hung out for a genuine week, spent basically the whole time arm in arm or hand in hand. this is also why we were planning a second meetup last night. you idiot. you fool. you complete and utter moron

anyway, if anyone gets this ask:

it’s complete bullshit. theyre sending this to cherri’s best friends for some godforsaken reason. it’s very weird and deeply cringe. also incredibly poorly planned. idk how many ppl you sent this to, but a few of us are in a gc and we have been making fun of this ask for like an hour (anon, im one of cherri’s friends and she’s been telling a small group of friends about you— lol. lmao even)

anyway like. to reiterate. cherri’s one of my best friends, she’s absolutely lovely and i’m lucky every day to know her. we hang out and chat constantly and we’ve met irl and it was an incredible experience i would love to repeat. i have told her things i have not fuckin told anyone else and you could not otherwise waterboard out of me. i love talking to her all the time and i miss her when she’s busy for even like, an hour. i love writing w her and creating things w her. she’s an incredibly bright spot in my life, often the first person i think of upon waking and the last i think of before i sleep. she is kind and funny and i love her a lot.

i’m a bitch tho so like @ this anon go fuck yourself. you better hope that when you die that the devil finds you before i do. sending this ask to a bunch of our friends, trying to turn the people she cares about against her, and for what? you clearly don’t know her well enough to be talking like this. trying to ruin my friend’s reputation and friendships w a vague as hell and entirely baseless copy paste is super fucking weird. why would you do this? and like, do you think we were born yesterday to fall for this? i’m insulted for her for whatever it was you were trying to pull and i’m insulted on behalf of myself and everyone else you sent this to that you think we’re as stupid as you are. what is your damage. get a hobby.

[cheeseceli]

That must be right

Pairing: Min Yoongi × Gn!reader

Genre: fluff, f2l, drabble

Request: can i request a yoongi idolbf! x reader and its just like a fluffy date, they're just dating and didnt really actually confess their feeling yet and like at the end of the date he or reader confesses

Warnings: tzuyu (twice) makes a cameo, suga overthinks a bit, y/n was delulu for a second here, not proofread.

A/n: don't you just love when he smiles | daily click

Yoongi doesn't know what to feel right now.

He should be happy, because oh my God this is happening. But he should also be anxious, because what is he supposed to do now that this is happening? And on top of it, he should be scared, because is this even supposed to be happening?

The way you saved his number as "my love" is a fact that has been spiraling in his head for hours now, since he discovered it. And it is just a silly little detail about your every day life. He wasn't even supposed to know about that. But he does. And now he can't stop thinking about that.

It's also about how you told Tzuyu (who definitely shouldn't have told Suga) you couldn't go out with her since you were having a date with your boyfriend. The boyfriend being Yoongi. And the date being the place you guys should go to in a few hours.

And there's nothing wrong with that, right? Except for the fact that you called him your boyfriend when he is... not your boyfriend. He would love to be, of course! But he is not. Unless he got lost in translation, which he highly doubts, considering how he is always replaying everything you say and do in his mind.

But you called him that. And, in some type of way, you called him your love as well. Never to his face, but you did. And Yoongi has no idea on how much of that he should consider. It could be just a not very funny joke. But you wouldn't joke about it, would you? So maybe he should just behave like nothing happened. Yeah, that's right. He shouldn't even know about those things at all.

So for the rest of the day, he pretends that he didn't discover anything. Everything is exactly as it was. But he can't bring himself to actually forget those. "My boyfriend". "My love". Those sentences were quite harsh to forget about.

You guys are on a date, so why can't you be actually dating? Do you even know that this is a romantic date? Does Yoongi know that? When did the line between friends who are secretly in love and actual lovers blurry itself so hard? It's getting ridiculous at this point. So many questions and very few answers.

He watches as you hold the huge popcorn bucket, trying your best not to drop anything. You were just waiting in line with him, waiting for the movie session to start, but you were so happy. Even when just standing still, your eyes were undeniably full of joy.

Yoongi also didn't miss how you never failed at being close to him. Not on a way to overwhelm him, just to be there. Like you just wanted his company, even if you weren't touching each other. Even if you were in complete silence, even if you didn't even look at each other just yet. You were both there. And that was all that mattered.

Useless to say that he paid absolutely no attention to the movie on the silver screen. He had no idea of who was staring in it, or what it was about. He barely looked at it to be honest. He was looking at you all the time. My boyfriend. My love. You surely acted like there was truth to those words.

For the first time in the past hour or so he looked away from you. He focused his gaze on the movie playing instead, but only because he wanted to reach to hold your hand, and he wouldn't be able to do it if he looked at you while doing so. That was proven particularly correct as he felt you turning your head just to look at him the moment you felt his touch.

He should've looked though. Maybe then he would see how your eyes proved that Yoongi was indeed your love. Maybe just not your boyfriend. Yet. That was soon to be solved, as he was already planning on how to confess the moment the two of you got out of the movie theater.

You were, after all, calling him your boyfriend for a while now. However, now it was time for him to call you his partner. Oh, and he so would do it. It felt right to do so.

And if it feels right, it must be right.

Masterlist | you'll probably like: shut me up

Reminder that this is all fiction! This does not represent the members in real life!

Taglist: @yuyubeans @butnotmontana

Dividers by @sweetmelodygraphics | credits for images 1, 2 and 3

[the-goo-goo-muck]

NOW PLAYING

DIRTY LAUNDRY PT. 2

JJK characters & what turns them on

Starring: Hiromi Higuruma, Shiu Kong, Shoko Ieiri, Suguru Geto, Takuma Ino

Warnings! exhibitionism, oral (m receiving), size kink, dubcon (alcohol use), voyeurism, fingering, assplay, cucking, overstimulation, oral (f receiving)

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Hiromi Higuruma: Public sex <3

He’d be lying if he said he hates this. He wants to say that he’s uncomfortable, that he doesn’t want this, but when you’re tugging his tie loose & pulling him behind the door of his office, biting his lower lip. . .well, Higuruma hates lying. So he’s completely honest when you ask, “Don’t you want me to make you feel good?” bending down on pink knees, pulling at his buckle, taking his cock into your mouth, wide eyes staring up at him. & you're going to be the death of him one of these days, really. When his coworker knocks on the door & calls out his name, you take him down to the back of your throat & squeeze his balls. Hand keeping your head down on his cock as he cums down your throat, whimpering at the persistent knocking.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Shiu Kong: Car sex <3

Coming as a shock to absolutely no one, Shiu can’t imagine you being prettier than exactly how you are right now: head propped up on against the window, back caved in uncomfortably, tits shaking with every thrust, one leg thrown over his shoulder, the other laying on the jockey box, hair flying wildly around, sticking to your forehead. If he could take you like this every time, he would; grabby hands on your hips with long fingers brushing your waist, pulling back to his sticky pelvis over & over again, listening to you whine about how “big” it is, how it’s “too much,” how you’re “g’na cum, Shiu.” Sticking his fingers down your throat ‘cause you’re fogging up the glass & it’s just so damn hot in here.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Shoko Ieiri: Intoxication & voyeurism <3

It’s no secret that Shoko likes to drink, but she’s come to find that she likes it even more when you drink. She can hold her alcohol, she can keep her hands to herself, she can control her hips when you’re sitting on her lap, but. . .someone lacks these abilities. When she’s got three fingers lazily pumping in & out of your tiny hole, & her thumb is spreading her spit around your tight asshole, contracting at her positively mean touch, & it’s all hazy & you don’t know where you are anymore, or who’s watching, just that Shoko wants you to put on a show for whoever it is. She would like to see your pretty face, but she likes you even more with your head smashed into the pillows, ass up meeting her thrusts, drool spilling from your agape lips, head spinning with how good it feels—you can’t even form the words, what would even say? Shoko always makes her pretty girl feel so good, you don’t need to say anything—whining as she pinches your clit, fingers spreading your little hole apart as it twitches from the aftershocks of your orgasm, telling her friends that “she always takes it so well for me, lets me fuck her however I want, such a good girl.”

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Suguru Geto: Cuck <3

Suguru knew he wasn’t supposed to find his best friend’s girlfriend hot, he definitely wasn’t supposed to come up to you at the bar after Satoru had left momentarily, & he most certainly wasn’t supposed to say yes when you asked him to join you that night. But, despite going against his better judgment so constantly, he cannot seem to regret it as he’s fucking your almost limp form, pushing down on the small of your back where he has your hands clasped, using them as leverage to spear you on his cock so you can cum on it for the nth time tonight, with no end in sight. He knows that he shouldn’t find the whole scene so mind-numbingly hot, but he can’t help it, not when you’re mewling for “m-more, deeper, Suguru, please, need it,” & Satoru’s sitting next to the bed, thrusting his cock into the air, hoping for any reprieve, any brief stimulation, begging & whining for you, but also for Suguru.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Takuma Ino: Hair pulling <3

Ino never thought something as simple as you pulling his hair could undo him so completely. He was eating you out, starving as usual, & your fingers threaded through his dark locks & he’s moaning into your cunt, stopping his tongue & leaning into your hand, that familiar heat creeping up his neck. “You like that, don’t you?” you whisper, tugging a bit harder this time. His cheeks are burning for more than one reason, & he’s shoving his face into your slick pussy again, trying to get you to pull at his roots again & again. His favorite is when you grip the strands of his hair between your fingers when you’re cumming.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

PART TWO for whoever wants it! | PART ONE: now playing <3

LOOKING FOR SOME MORE? MASTERLIST <3

LOOKING FOR SOMETHING SPECIFIC? ASK <3

[otomehonyaku]

DIABOLIK LOVERS Eternal Blood Animate Tokuten CD ☽ Vol. 1 & 2 ・A Certain Day at the Mukami Household

Original title: ある日の無神家 Voiced by Sakurai Takahiro (Ruki), Suzuki Tatsuhisa (Yuma) English translation by @otomehonyaku Click here for the audio (as always, BIG thank you to @karleksmumskladdkaka!)

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

This CD was very generous with the fan service, to say the least... I can safely say it's one of my new absolute favourites! The cooing, the teasing, the brotherly banter, Ruki's tired dad energy near the end, and both Ruki and Yuma fawning over you? _:(´ཀ`」 ∠): I hope you have as much fun listening and reading along as I had translating it!

Please do not reuse or post my translations elsewhere or translate my work into other languages without my permission.

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

00:00 [The scene starts with Ruki quietly reading in his room.]

Ruki: What a lovely day it is today. A pleasant breeze is coming in from the window, and time is passing ever so slowly... There couldn’t be a more perfect time to read.

[Ruki turns a page.]

Ruki: I see. There’s much more to this book than I thought. I only bought it on a whim to pass the time, but… it’s actually not bad at all.

[Ruki turns another page and continues reading. The sound of rushed footsteps comes from the hallway.]

Ruki: Oh. Those footsteps… Is that Yuma?

[Ruki snaps his book shut with a sigh.]

Ruki: If he’s heading this way, he probably wants something from me. I’d hoped to spend a quiet day alone, but it seems like I’ll have to let that go…

[Yuma bursts into the room.]

Yuma: Hey! This’s bad, Ruki!

Ruki: Do not run in the hallway. Knock. Wait before I answer until I open the door. How many times do I have to tell you all of this?

Yuma: There’s somethin’ much more important that I need you to take a look at. You got time, right?

Ruki: What happened? You came all this way to disturb my reading, so at least tell me why.

Yuma: You’ll know the reason when you just come to the garden ‘n look at it.

Ruki: At what? 

[The scene shifts to the Mukami mansion's vegetable garden.]

Ruki: Ah… What on Earth is this? Hey, you. You were here together with Yuma, right? Explain the situation.

[You try to explain, but you’re so worked up that you keep stumbling over your words.]

Ruki: I shouldn’t have asked you. I can’t have a conversation with you when you can't even string together a sentence.

Yuma: Well… you know how most of the veggies in the garden are pretty much ripe for the pickin’ right now? She was pickin’ them for me, and then she suddenly called out that she saw somethin’ underneath the dirt. So, I got curious and dug it up, and it was… this.

[Yuma pats the box next to him.]

Ruki: This box? It looks like a coffin. You could lock up a full-sized human in there.

02:04 Yuma: Haha. You ain’t wrong. Like you said, it might be a coffin. Might be a vampire inside that was buried while he was sleepin’ or somethin'.

[You definitely don’t like the idea of that.]

Yuma: What, you scared something’s gonna jump out at you? You’d better fight like hell. Heh.

[You ask him what he would do if something were to jump out at you.]

Yuma: Huh? I’m just gonna stand by ‘n watch, of course. I ain’t comin’ to your rescue for free.

[Yuma comes closer.]

Yuma: If you want me to save ya, you got somethin’ to give me in return, right? That sweet stuff that’s flowin’ in your veins… Make me an offer and I might give it some thought.

Ruki: Yuma. That’s enough.

Yuma: Yeah, yeah, got it.

[Ruki steps closer to the box.]

Ruki: Hmm… The lid of the box seems to have a lock on it, but it’s in really bad condition. It looks like it would open easily.

Yuma: So? Let’s take a look inside.

Ruki: Hold on, Yuma. Don’t do anything reckless. Haven’t you read any literature on these kinds of things?

Yuma: Literature?

Ruki: These kinds of boxes are often traps. I’ve read about them in books. For example, there was one case in which a box washed up on a seashore. A man opened the box and smoke poured out, which gathered into the shape of an old man. It’s likely some kind of curse.

Yuma: Those kinds of curses exist?

Ruki: And then there are also these boxes of various sizes, collectively called tsuzura. You’re pressured to choose a single box, and if you choose the biggest one, there’s a trap inside: a monster jumps out of it. There are innumerable examples.

04:01 Yuma: Really? That’s some scary shit.

[You tell them those are probably made-up stories.]

Ruki: Oh? Do you really think they’re mere myths, Livestock? I’ll let you open the box, then.

[You immediately backpedal and try to run away, but Ruki catches you.]

Ruki: Oh, no. Don’t think you can run away now.

[You tell him you don’t want to do it.]

Ruki: You’re the one who said they’re myths. This is an order from your master. Hurry up and open it. If a monster really were to jump out, you’d have nowhere to run. It could easily tear you to pieces. I wonder what happens when it sinks its teeth into this pale skin of yours…

[Ruki’s hands palm your bare skin. You get flustered and try to move away.]

Ruki: What’s wrong? Did you already imagine it just by me touching you? Ah… So you actually prefer pain over pleasure.

[Ruki pulls you closer.]

Ruki: Don’t lie to me. You’re eagerly awaiting it, aren’t you? Your body seems to be trembling in delight, actually. Show me that expression of yours properly.

[Ruki grabs your chin and forces you to look at him.]

Ruki: Oh. I see the colour has completely drained from your face. Fear is not such a bad look on you. Well, then—do as your master tells you and open that lid.

[You tell him you’re scared and repeat that you really don’t want to.]

Ruki: That’s precisely why I’m making you do it, of course.

[You’re on the verge of tears.]

Ruki: Heh. You look miserable when you’re about to burst into tears. It’s quite enjoyable. However, you seem to be misunderstanding something. I’m not doing this to punish you. It’s your reward for helping Yuma. 

[Ruki pulls you even closer while you struggle.]

06:03 Ruki: To have your will completely ignored, your body pinned down until you have no choice but to obey… you actually get off on such wretched situations, don’t you? I’ll make you humiliate yourself. Now, how about you wag your little tail in delight and do as I say?

[You violently shake your head.]

Ruki: Good grief… You really don’t know when to give up, do you? You still have no intention of obeying?

Yuma: You’ve really gotten more stubborn since you started livin’ with us. Or, well, you were prolly already stubborn from the get-go.

Ruki: Livestock who don’t follow orders don’t do themselves any favours in terms of charm. Ah. Let’s do this on different terms, then. If you open the lid, I’ll make you your favourite for dinner.

[That piques your interest. You immediately say you’ll do it.]

Yuma: That makes you agree straight away?!

Ruki: Ah… I’ve clearly been using the wrong methods to discipline you. It’s like I’ve got one more Kou or Yuma in my household…

Yuma: What do Kou ‘n I gotta do with that? Well, fine by me, though. Besides, this lid’s pretty heavy. You sure you can lift it with those tiny arms?

[You try to lift the lid but fail miserably.]

Yuma: It ain’t movin’ at all. Are you even tryin’? Put some more effort into it or Ruki’s just gonna yell at you.

[The lid still doesn’t budge despite your best efforts.]

Yuma: I thought you said you’d do it yourself. How pathetic.

[You give up.]

Yuma: You’re so hopeless it ain’t even funny. Hey, Ruki. It’ll take all day if we leave this to her.

Ruki: It certainly seems that way. It can’t be helped, I suppose. Lend her a hand.

Yuma: Gotcha. Let’s see… I’ll give you a hand, so at least put some effort into it, alright? If you can’t open that lid, I’ll sink my fangs into you so deep you’re gonna beg for mercy. Makes it a bit more thrilling, right? Really, though. You keep yapping about the lid being heavy, but how heavy’s it really?

[Yuma gives a little push and the lid gives right away.]

08:24 Yuma: Huh? The fuck? It ain’t even that heavy. You really are useless. You shoulda been able to lift it lickety-split, Sow. I’ve given you a head start, so you do the rest. I’ll let go, so don’t drop the lid, alright?

[Yuma lets go and you immediately almost drop the lid.]

Yuma: C’mon, hold it up a little higher, Sow! Are you really puttin’ all your strength into it? You look like an idiot. Makes me wanna laugh. If you don’t put in the effort like it’s the last thing you’ll ever do, we’ll start from scratch again. Jeez… I’ll teach you how it’s done.

[Yuma puts a hand on your lower back, which startles you.]

Yuma: Here, right here. Focus your strength in your lower back when you brace yourself. What, you ticklish? 

[You shake your head.]

Yuma: Ah, I see, I see. So you’re just weak? Besides, you can’t really fight back when you got your hands full. Even if I were to do this…

[Yuma puts his hands on you again.]

Yuma: Hehe. That’s a great reaction. Doesn’t matter how tough a position you’re in, you still love it, dontcha? You’re workin’ so hard so hold up that lid, but I wonder what’ll happen if I do it again…

[You unconsciously brace yourself.]

Yuma: You’re shiverin’ like a little rabbit. Ah, come to think of it, there’s a lil’ somethin’ on your clothes…

[Yuma puts his hands on your waist and squeezes. You almost drop the lid.]

Yuma: Haha! Don’t let go so easily. Are your sides really that weak? Besides, I think you know already, but if you let go, you lose. Hm… You don’t wanna get punished, do ya? Better fix that attitude ‘n please your owner. Brace yourself ‘n take it. C’mon, c’mon!

[Yuma tickles and gropes you until you finally break and drop the lid.]

10:24 Yuma: Ah, for shame. Now the lid’s closed again. Time’s come for this useless little piggy’s punishment.

[Yuma grabs you from behind and pulls you against him. Your arms are trapped behind you.]

Yuma: Well, you can’t run away when I’ve got you from behind like this. Your chest’s completely unprotected. Should we punish you right here, right now? C’mon, Ruki. Join in on the fun.

Ruki: Good grief. What are you playing around for? However… You didn’t follow your master’s orders. This indeed calls for punishment.

[Ruki walks over to you. You turn your head to the side in embarrassment.]

Ruki: Are you trying to seduce me, exposing your neck to me like that? You really lack discipline.

[Ruki trails his fingers along your neck, causing you to shiver.]

Ruki: Heh. You’re already losing control of your body just from a little touch of my fingers. Did you fail on purpose because you actually want to be punished? Normally, I would’ve sunk my fangs into you right away, but I think I’ll keep you in suspense today.

[Ruki trails his fingers along your skin again—your cheek and your ear this time.]

Ruki: Your cheek, your ear… Where would you like me to bite you?

[You tremble.]

Ruki: What’s wrong? You’re already trembling from my fingers tracing your skin… Does it excite you that much?

[You deny it.]

Yuma: You can deny it all you want, but you don’t sound very convincing. You’re just covered in weak spots, right? I bet you’ll cry out nicely when I touch your back. Let’s see…

[Yuma caresses your back and your voice slips.]

12:00 Yuma: Haha. What was that shameless sound just now? That’s all it takes to turn you on? What a lewd lil' thing you are.

[You struggle.]

Yuma: For fuck's sake... What’re you actin’ all innocent for when you’re clearly beggin’ to be touched?

Ruki: Are you writhing like that because you want it so badly it hurts, then? You’re out of luck, though—I’ll drag it out. You won’t learn discipline if you always get what you want right away, after all. I'll caress you slowly, deliberately, until you’re absolutely flushed with heat...

[You quietly protest, but like Yuma said, you don’t sound convincing at all.]

Yuma: Nah, you’re actually way into this, ain’t you? If you want our fangs, beg for it.

Ruki: Where would you like me to bite you? Tell me. I can't promise that I’ll honour your wishes, though.

[You struggle against them with all your might, kicking and screaming.]

Yuma: Hey, calm down—

[You accidentally kick the coffin in your efforts to get away.]

Yuma & Ruki: Huh?

Yuma: Oh, dammit. Now part of the lid’s broken because you were kickin’ so hard.

Ruki: The coffin itself has deteriorated quite a bit, too. That said, your kicking did most of the damage. Yuma. Let her go. Her punishment is on hold for now. We can’t have her destroy that coffin before we confirm what’s inside.

Yuma: Well, whatever.

[Yuma lets you go and your knees immediately give out.]

Yuma: Haha. What’re you sittin’ down for? Didya really feel that good? Well, we’ll take our sweet time with you when we continue later. I mean, you wanna see what’s inside the coffin too, right?

[You get up again.]

Ruki: Yuma, can you open it up?

Yuma: Yeah, hold on—

[Yuma opens the lid of the coffin all the way.]

Yuma & Ruki: Oh? 

Yuma: The hell’s this?

Ruki: They look like kimono (1) and combs from a long time ago… 

Yuma: There’s a whole bunch of stuff that I don’t really recognise, too…

Ruki: I see. It seems we’ve unearthed a time capsule.

14:08 Yuma: A time… capsule? What’s that?

Ruki: People put various things from their time in a box and bury it. Usually, they’re unearthed after a long time, when someone wants to reminisce.

Yuma: Why’s it buried here in the garden?

Ruki: I don’t know what happened on this land before the Mukami mansion was built. However, whoever buried this box clearly put a lot of thought into it.

Yuma: Huh. So what’re we gonna do with it?

[You suggest burying it again to preserve its contents.]

Ruki: Easy for you to say, considering you were kicking it earlier. However, I have no objections to that idea. Let’s put it back in the ground.

Yuma: Even though we went through all that trouble to dig it up?

Ruki: We have no need for it. 

Yuma: Well, that’s true. Let’s bury it somewhere where it won’t interfere with my garden. I don’t really get it, though. What’s fun about preservin’ the past?

Ruki: I wonder. It’s a human endeavour first and foremost, though. It has little to do with us.

[You shift on your feet.]

Yuma: Huh? What’s up?

[You tell him you understand.]

Yuma: Understand what?

[You explain.]

Yuma: The feelin’ of wantin’ to cherish your memories?

Ruki: Heh. Memories are worthless. It’s truly something for shallow humans to want to convey memories from their own time period to later generations. Do not think there’s any worth in doing that.

[You disagree. You’ve made nice memories with the Mukami family, after all.]

Ruki: What?

Yuma: Haha. Well said. So, even though you haven’t had it easy since you started livin’ with us, you still made some good memories?

[You nod.]

Yuma: Heh. Isn’t that ‘cause we’ve trained (2) you to think that? Well, I do kinda get what you’re sayin’. Everyone’s got at least some precious memories, after all. Right, Ruki? 

16:08 Ruki: Heh. Still, I don’t understand the need to bury them where they’ll never see the light of day.

Yuma: Yeah, I’m with you on that.

[You try to convince them, but…]

Yuma: Nah, it’s alright. Besides, you gotta help me bury this thing again. And after that, we’ve still got harvestin’ to do!

[You’re surprised.]

Ruki: Heh. You unearthed it, so it’s only logical that you have to help burying it again. You’d better work up a sweat while you’re at it.

Yuma: Hey, Ruki. You’re already here anyway, so lend us a hand too, will ya? With the harvestin’ and all.

Ruki: What? You’re seriously asking me that?

Yuma: You’re makin’ her her favourite for dinner, right? We won’t make it in time for dinner if you don’t harvest the necessary veggies yourself.

Ruki: Tch. That’s not something I should need to dirty my hands for. Hey. Harvest whatever you’d like to eat yourself.

Yuma: C’mon, Ruki. Put in the work for once. You’ll be covered in mould eventually if you keep readin’ so much.

Ruki: You might want to consider that we’re vampires. Do you seriously think there are other vampires who think it’s healthy to work outside on days when the sun’s this bright?

Yuma: I like it, so that’s all that matters! You think so too, right?

Ruki: For fuck’s sake... I won’t do it. I refuse!

Yuma: It’s alright, it’s alright! Hurry ‘n c’mere!

Ruki: You two do it!

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

Besides the obvious traditional Japanese clothing, the word kimono literally means ‘things to wear’ and can also be understood as ‘clothes’ more generally. I think the latter may also apply here.

調教（ちょうきょう）refers to the training of animals.

[iamthecomet]

-appears in a plume of smoke-

I come bearing Dewther thoughts, because I have been thinking about them.

Okay, so going with the idea that Aether is back at the abbey doing other work, I need you to imagine that, despite having the internet and phones and all that, it's not always easy to sit down and have a call or even really respond to messages with time differences, spotty signals, other people in the room, etc... so Dew sends Aether postcards while he's on tour.

Obviously, Dew has already left the location after the postcard is sent, but I like to think that once they get back into the country post tour -maybe staying at a hotel overnight before making the long haul home- Dew sends a post card ahead of him so that Aether knows he's back... but doesn't tell him he's going to be home the next day.

Aether just thinks he sent his stuff ahead, and he did, but it's because he doesn't want to have to deal with a bunch of luggage when he could be running over to hug him, ya know?

Something, something, Aether is looking at the postcard like, "When will my husband return from the war-" and then Dew's doing little jumping jacks to get his attention outside of the infirmary's windows, because fuck waiting with the bus, he wants to see his man NOW.

Anyway, Aether hangs the postcards in his office and grins at them like a complete dork whenever someone mentions them.

Also Dew definitely gives him hea-

-vanishes before finishing that sentence-

SADJKFASDFw. Lamp your brain is so big. I adore this. I'm picturing Aether's little spot where he has them all hung up--in order. How he pulls them down to look at sometimes, re-reads them--even after Dew is home. He's just sentimental like that. And yes, Aether is definitly staring longingly at Dew's latest postcard, while the bus is pulling into the Abbey. While Dew is walking over to the infirmary windows to tap his fingers on the glass and scare the absolute shit out of Aether because he cannot wait one more second to see his face. And yeah, I mean. Dew definitely pulls Aether into the nearest room with a door that closes (lock optional) because if he doesn't get his mouth on him right now he is going to "actually die." I love them so much.

[pichiru]

The Sun Also Smiles - Chapter 2

Chapters - [1] [2] [3] [4]

Summary - With Mabel and Dipper's 16th birthday party on the horizon, Grunkle Stan takes to online dating to find a date for the party. But who he meets isn't who she thinks she is. Things start to get weird.

Word Count - 2,805

Pairing(s) - Stan Pines x OC

Genre(s): Romance, Comedy, Mystery

~~~~~~~~

SunshineSoul said:

Good evening, Mr. Pines 😊

BigManPines said:

Hey toots

SunshineSoul said:

"Hey toots" I like that. Do you actually talk like that in person?

BigManPines said:

Yeah. Got a problem with it?

SunshineSoul said:

Absolutely not. I love the way you talk. It's so straight forward and no silly business.

BigManPines said:

No Silly Business is my middle name.

BigManPines said:

It's not. My middle name is FIlbrick. Me and my brother have the same middle name.

SunshineSoul said:

LOL you're so funny. You type like you're nervous around me. Are you nervous?

BigManPines is typing...

BigManPines is typing...

BigManPines is typing...

BigManPines said:

Yeah. I'm nervous.

SunshineSoul said:

Why? I won't eat you. Unless you ask me ever so politely 😊

BigManPines is typing...

BigManPines is typing...

BigManPines said:

I'm just a shy old man if i'm bein honest

SunshineSoul said:

Awww. It's okay. I understand. I get really shy too. Especially around shy old men named Stan 😋

BigManPines said:

You're just sayin that

SunshineSoul said:

I'm not actually. We've only been talking for a week and I genuinely like talking to you and getting to know you. I mean that.

BigManPines said:

Well thanks toots. I like talking to you too. The fact that I'm talkin to you instead of turning on the latest episode of The Duchess Approves says a lot.

SunshineSoul said:

THAT WAS TONIGHT??? NOOOOO!!! I TOTALLY FORGOT 😭😭😭 Ugghhhhhh I think I've been working too hard

BigManPines said:

It's gonna rerun in 45 minutes. Definitely gonna tune in for that showing.

SunshineSoul said:

Yeah? You wanna like...sit on the phone and watch it together? Live reaction kind of thing? It'll be like we're watching it right beside each other :D

"Well?" Ford asked as he folded his arms. He'd been sitting next to Stan during the entire conversation to help him through it and even giving him ideas of what to say back to this mystery woman.

"Well what?" Stan asked back.

"Are you going to call her?"

Stan was quiet for a while, putting his chin in his left hand to start rubbing his stubble. He was deep in thought.

"I wanna but I know I'm just gonna make a fool out of myself if you leave me alone with her," Stan admitted, a little ashamed of this. He knew Ford was no better with this type of stuff than he was but he seemed just slightly more adept.

"Stan, I know how nervous you get around women. It truthfully baffles me but that's a conversation for a different day. But you've been talking to this woman for a week by yourself. Mostly."

"Yeah but what if I'm too gruff and off puttin for her? She seems like a proper lady. Like she doesn't even wanna get her hands dirty typa lady."

"Even the most proper of women can get down and dirty if they thought it was worth it. I learned that in college," Ford retorted. "Listen. Do you like this woman?" he asked, motioning his hand towards the laptop on the kitchen table.

Stan sat there in complete silence for a moment. "Yeah. I do."

"Then I think it'll be a good idea for you to have your first "date" with her over the phone. I know Mabel would think it's the most adorable thing she's ever seen in the world. She knows how much that tv show means to you." He crossed his legs then began bouncing his foot, thinking some more.

"I honestly think you should ask her on a proper date if this goes well," he added. "I've seen all the messages. Even the..." he cleared his throat behind a closed fist against his lips. "Saucier messages that I wish I could wipe from my memory. Where's the memory gun when you need it," he murmured under his breath.

"Hey! Nobody told your nosy ass to read those!  Just the normal ones!" Stan said suddenly, his cheeks reddening in complete embarrassment now. "Better be lucky neither of us sent any pictures."

"Speaking of pictures," Ford interrupted quickly. "Do you even know what this woman looks like? I looked at her profile and she doesn't have any pictures of herself. Just her art."

Stan shrugged. "Iunno," he said in a dismissive tone as he folded his arms now too. "A babe like her has gotta be drop dead gorgeous right? She talks like she's beautiful."

"That...That doesn't even make sense!"

"And?" Stan laughed, nudging his brother roughly with his elbow.

ding!

SunshineSoul said:

Did I scare you away?

"See? She's waiting on your answer. Say yes. I'll just head down to the lab and the kids are fast asleep. Big shopping day tomorrow for them. Especially Mabel," Ford encouraged.

"Fine." That was all he could manage to say in response. He knew in his heart that he wanted to talk to her but he also knew he would find a way to botch it.

BigManPines said:

Nah you didn't scare me off.

BigManPines said:

I wouldn't mind watching the episode on the phone with ya. I've never done anything like that before but I'm willin to try.

SunshineSoul said:

Omg yay! I get to hear that Jersey accent in real time. I love it. My number is 615-333-3333. Call me when you're ready 💜😋

"Well! Good luck!" Ford said, slamming his hand down on Stan's shoulder before he stood up and stretched. "I definitely won't be listening in with one of my spy devices," he said jokingly as he walked out of the kitchen.

"You do and I'll kill ya!" Stan yelled after him, shaking his fist.

"Yeah, yeah," Ford laughed as he walked through the door that led into the mystery shack.

Stan sat there in the kitchen in silence with his thoughts. What was the first thing he was gonna say to this woman? Will she still be into him after the date? Er...call? It's not a date. It's definitely not a date. Unless she wants to consider it a date? Then sure. It's a date.

It's not a date.

It's. Not. A. Date.

A half hour later, Stan was sitting in his recliner in the living room, holding his phone with the mystery woman's phone number dialed in and sitting on the screen. He clutched it nervously, not completely sure if he should really go through with this or not.

It's not a date. It's not a date. It's not a date. It's not a date. It's not a date. It's not a da-

He closed his eyes tightly and pressed the bright green call button on his screen. It rang a few times before it was picked up on the other end.

"Lemme guess. It's BigManPines callin me up on a Friday evening?" She chuckled sweetly.

Stan grinned almost immediately from hearing her voice. It sounded way younger than he was expecting. He was expecting an older woman based upon her interest in him. Because what would a young woman want with an old guy like him?

"Yeah, it's...it's me," he said in a tone that definitely betrayed his nervousness.

"Oh! You sound nervous. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have-"

"Nah, nah! It's okay. Like I said earlier, I'm just a shy old guy. Talkin on the phone gives me the creeps sometimes," Stan admitted.

"You're one of the in person type of people? I get it," she said in a kind sort of voice. Almost motherly.

"Yeah, I guess so. I'm just super old fashioned, toots."

"Yeah? I like that about you though," she admitted freely with a hint of a smile in her tone.

She really was just a ray of sunshine that came barreling into Stan's life this evening. It really cheered him up and made him feel a little more at ease.

"Can...Can I ask you somethin?" Stan asked after a moment.

"Of course you can, big man Stan," she said cutely, laughing a bit behind it.

"How old are ya? You don't sound like you're even within ten years of my age."

She sighed softly across the phone. "I'm not a teenager or a youngin if that's what you're asking. I'm 36 years old."

Stan laughed at her statement. "36 is a damn youngin compared to me!" He continued laughing.

"Yeah true! But look. I think you're really handsome and from the looks of the pictures on your profile, you're so buff. You work out?" She asked curiously.

"I used to box a lot in my youth. I still do it from time to time to keep up the old physique," he explained proudly. "Ya think I'm buff?"

"Yeah, I do. I also think you'd be strong enough to throw me over your shoulder," she said in a very obviously flirty tone. "Especially if I'm bad."

Stan's entire face was red at this point. He was a very straight forward person but she...she was a different breed of straight forward. He liked it. He liked it a lot.

"You bad often?" he asked cheekily.

"Maybe. We'll just have to find out soon."

Stan chuckled to himself. "I gotta ask, toots. What's your actual name? I've just been callin you Sunshine this whole time."

A shy but eager giggle could be heard on the other side of the call.

"I like that coming off your tongue. It sounds...woof," she laughed deviously. "You can call me Sunshine or Sol. It doesn't matter which. Long as you call me." If they were in person, she definitely would have winked at the old man and made him go into cardiac arrest.

Stan's heart was racing at this point in the conversation. He was nervous and excited simultaneously. Something about this woman excited him in ways he hadn't felt in a while and he didn't know what to do with that thought.

"Sol, eh? Is it short for something?"

"Solana," she said simply.

"Solana. Name's beautiful, toots," he complimented with a smile on his face. "Solana," Stan repeated, trying to find the perfect tone to say her name in now.

"Stopppppp. I hate it so much. It makes me feel like an old lady or something."

"Toots, if I knew an old lady named Solana, I'd still think your version of the name would be just as beautiful to me as it is now."

"Stopppppppppppppppp. You're making me blush so much," she squealed gently. "I caaannn'ttttt. You call yourself a shy old guy but you're just an old guy who hasn't had the opportunity to let the real him out."

"Yeah, you're probably right. Nobody's felt worth it in my life before so I just stay reserved and emotionally cut off usually."

"That sounds so lonely," Solana said in a sad voice. "But that's why I'm here now," she joked.

"Yeah. I'm glad you're here now," he said gratefully.

There was a comfortable silence as they turned their TVs on to the station they needed for the rerun of the show. Once the show came on, Solana became quiet so she could absorb what was going on in the show. She wanted to blurt her thoughts and be over the top with her reactions but she didn't want to scare Stan away. Something truly outrageous happened in the show suddenly and Stan shouted.

"What do you mean, you need a date to the cotillion! You don't need a man! You're a strong woman, Duchess!" He whisper yelled so he wouldn't wake the kids up.

Solana jumped but she laughed at his outburst. "Exaccttllyyyy!!! She's built up her entire reputation as someone who is very independent and has made it known that her world does NOT revolve around needing a man! What the hell!" she added, following behind Stan's outrage.

"Exactly toots! This is ridiculous. This show really started to go downhill in season 3. They should have just ended in season 2," Stan sighed as he sunk down in his chair in frustration.

"I agree! I was so excited when I heard they were making this into a tv show. The movie was a masterpiece," she said with a nod she knew Stan wouldn't be able to see.

"See, you get it. My niece and nephew watch with me sometimes but even they don't get the intricacies of this show."

"That's so sad. I love analyzing this show. It's so deep," Solana said fondly. "It makes me feel so secure in my womanhood sometimes," she halfway joked.

"I hear tha-"

"SAUNTERBLUGGET?!" They exclaimed in unison.

"No way they brought him back!!! He died in that carriage crash last season!!" Solana said in pure shock.

"True but listen, toots. If they don't show the dead body on camera, I never believe someone's dead. I learned that with tv shows in the past. Somethin to keep in mind goin forward," Stan advised even though he was equally as shocked as Solana was. He just wanted to also seem cool to her.

"Ohhhhhhhh! I never even thought about that honestly. Oh my god. You just opened my eyes to a whole new world. Holy shit."

"You're welcome," Stan chuckled. "What a way to end an episode."

"Ahhhhh. I know! I can't wait a whole week. This suuuccckkkssss."

"Hey..." Stan started shyly.

"Yes?"

"Would ya wanna...Iunno. Hang out in person for the next episode? I could cook for us or order somethin. Iunno. Whatever you want."

"Stanley No Silly Business Pines, are you asking me on a date?" Solana asked, happiness very clear in her voice.

"Uh...yeah. I guess if you wanna consider it that?" He said slowly at first but gained a certain air of confidence midway through his statement.

"I'd love to. Buuutttttt, I'd like to go out to dinner if that's okay with you? And we can end up at your place for the rerun of the episode?" she suggested sweetly. The way she spoke just now, Stan assumed she would have fluttered her eyelashes at him if she could. Her voice was too soothing and too convincing to not give her what she asked for.

"Yeah, sure, toots. We can do that. We can iron out details tomorrow or somethin...Iunno."

Solana laughed loudly at Stan trying to act so nonchalant about this whole thing. "Stan, you don't have to act all cool around me. I like you just the way you are."

"Yeah but that doesn't mean I'm not still gonna do it, Solana." He said her name in a teasing manner, knowing she didn't like being called that in the slightest. But! He figured he could get away with it because of how much she seemed into him at the moment. It was a little bit of a guilty pleasure, making her squirm.

"STAN!" she said loudly, embarrassment so evident.

"Yeah, Solana?" He responded, smirking devilishly.

"Oh my godddddd. You're so annoooyyyiingggg," she whined playfully.

"Not annoying enough for you to leave me alone, toots. You're still gonna be here in the morning. But at least ya can text me now instead of usin that clunky ass dating site."

"Oh, I knooowww. I hate that stupid site. You would think they'd have an app or something," she sighed dramatically.

" I dunno much about apps so I can't say. But, I'm looking forward to your good morning message, Miss Solana," he said with a grin.

Solana's silence could only be interpreted as her being flustered. "Yeah. I'm definitely gonna send you your very first good morning text ever. I have a feeling you've never dealt with women who have manners like that," she joked.

"You're damn right," he joked back.

She laughed at him. She was so happy that he could bounce off her and she could do the same. They had the exact same type of humor and it set her soul ablaze. They hadn't known each other for long but she felt like she had the tiniest bit of a connection with him.

"Good night, Stanley."

"Good night, Solana."

Stan hung up the phone and leaned back in his recliner, laying his phone on his chest. He folded his hands across the top of his stomach and closed his eyes. He didn't realize how tired he was until that moment. He didn't usually stay up this late for the rerun of The Duchess Approves. But it was worth it to get to know Solana a little more and finally get to hear her voice. Her sweet and perky voice. If sunshine had a sound, it would have been exactly what she sounded like. He only hoped that the beauty of her voice and name matched her face.

Just as he was about to drift off into sleep, his eyes popped open and he sat up quickly in terror.

I HAVE A DATE! he thought to himself as he started panicking internally.

[whatshehassaid]

The fact that Daniel has more experience as a journalist than in the books and interviewed a disgraced archbishop just tells me everything I need to know about how he’s gonna react to Marius. The minute Louis & Armand recited that Louvre scene to him… the minute they were out of the room he was researching Marius in the Talamasca files like “okay, who is this fucker?”

And now it’s even gonna be more intense cause Armand is his maker now…. Not just his (maybe current or definite to be) lover (past lover maybe also?)…

I have a feeling he may have looked a little deeper into the files on Armand than we think. He’s been absolutely intrigued by him since the minute he set foot in Dubai (even from the moment they met in San Fransisco “Alright it’s you who’s fascinating! You can read minds right?”) to the point where he’s distracted from the MAIN REASON he’s there. Which is LOUIS’ story. And if part of the Alice memories are actually Armand memories and he has that much of an emotional reaction to his past relationship with Armand? I just know that man is gonna kick some Roman vampire ass. Drag him through the mud and call out his shit in front of god and all the vamps.

I just know that old man vampire is gonna fuck Marius’ shit up… I feel it deep in my bones.

Show Daniel is MUCH more established in himself than book Daniel is… because he’s been through more and been around longer.

[bomber-grl]

Peter Parker Dating hc 🕸️

Pairing(s):Peter Parker (Tom hollands)x Gn!Reader (both civilian and superhero included)

As a civilian you were probably unaware of his secret identity for a good awhile

Until you inevitably found out and began dating

How you found out well, well let’s just say it wasn’t ideal

You had been friends for awhile and the only way Peter would ever let you near him or his room (while having a crush on you) would be if he forgot something at your house or something

So you knocked and May let you know he wasn’t there but still let you in

I mean she wasn’t just gonna let you stand outside waiting for him, if anything he was to blame for not being responsible about the time you two established for meeting up

Queue you walking into his room and he’s half suited up and the both of you are just staring at eachother

That interaction led to some discourse, obviously

But after the initial shock you (surprisingly) moved on

Now if you’re a superhero working for stark for some reason then you met that way and there’s no secret identity reveal

Tbh the two of you have to have something in common

Whether its interests in comics or “nerd” stuff

something had to have led to the two of you getting together

Or maybe you’re just into easily flustered, needy men, who knows 🤷‍♀️

Like if you’re a hero then you met that way and share that in common (including tech if you’re into that)

So just imagine Peter, whose very nervous/ excited, just absolutely rambling about some interest that was briefly mentioned and that you both shared

The thing is, you’re on a date right now and he’s absolutely embarrassing himself (in his opinion)

He’d try to plan everything to perfection and gift you what he can even if he feels it might pale to what you’re used to (if you’re wealthy)

Your first date was especially memorable since not only did he display his nervousness so obviously but it was as if the universe couldn’t let his plan run smoothly

He had tripped, stuttered, made too many mistakes to count, just a piece of work all in all

To you though? It was endearing

He had wanted your first date to be the upmost perfection, even if it wasn’t an average persons “ideal” by the end-

It didn’t matter because you could tell the genuine affection he had for you so much so that he had planned this all, and unfortunately (for him) embarrassed himself beyond return in front of you

“Kill me now”

- Peter probably

He doesn’t really seem like it, if anything he seems pretty self actualized but there’s obviously moments where he feels a bit sorry (?) for the lack of a better word

He’s just always clumsy, and getting flustered easily

Especially around you

So although he might think that you probably think less than ideally of him, he couldn’t be more wrong

If anything it adds to his charm and anything he does is pretty endearing

So when you decide to share such words with Peter while you’re chilling in his room

Well, he’s floored

He thanks you but then that spirals into him stuttering and tripping over himself

Despite the fact that you complimented him to not only ease his worries but also to just let him know-

He’s groveling (exaggeration) and apologizing for, again, being himself…

Blud needs to chill out…

Usually after missions or whatever they’re called- Peter usually has minor injuries or cuts

How do you know this? You’re his main source of comfort so he’s sneak in through your window into your room as often as he can

A particular moment was when you both decided to have a sleep over at your house

It was definitely a huge progress in your relationship but you should’ve known better

While you were asleep, he snuck off and att the end of his little escapade, he snuck back in

Only thing is that he returned back through the window he snuck out from just to be met with the lights on

He visibly sunk at your disappointed gaze once he noticed you up

He isn’t in the best state so you take it easy on him and just go rummaging through your cabinets- you hoped to have something for his wounds around there somewhere

As you’re searching, Peter has taken it upon himself to convince you his injuries are nothing, just go back to bed, and is just overall downplaying his condition

You pause and just stare at him

Obviously he’s taken by surprise but he realizes he can’t do anything to stop you and just lets you continue

Even while your cleaning his wounds or bandaging him up he’s making jokes about the situation

Well maybe not jokes but we all know how rambly he gets when he’s nervous

Somehow digging himself a grave right there

On that same page

We’re all aware of how difficult it is for Peter to balance his civilian and superhero life

I’m not up for debate- it might as well be canon

He’s always having to leave school for superhero work in which it has consequences or he leaves superhero work and still has consequences in the franchise so respectfully: 🤫🤐)

Peter tries super hard to be there and include you in what’s going on but sometimes he needs to cancel or leave hang outs abruptly

You understand this obviously but it’s still upsetting, not as much if you’re a superhero id imagine

But yknow

Still annoying asf

You don’t give him hell for it even if you want to because either 1. You do the same thing (superhero) 2. He can’t help it and he already gets enough shit

He’s also super protective

Especially if you’re a civilian

It’s sort of endearing/ annoying- somehow both simultaneously

Now if you’re a hero/ avenger then you both understand things about your secret identities

Particularly about hiding them

Yknow how Ned would always help Peter out? Well you and Peter do that for eachother

If u have family or others who aren’t aware like friends- Peter has your back and vice versa

It’s just the price you need to pay

Especially since it’s not easy balancing lives

[ijusthavesomanyblorbos]

can we take a moment to talk about the straight up hilarity of tf prime's setting

i gotta be honest i have no idea what the deal is with the vehicons. i dunno if they're canonically sentient or not but for all intents and purposes their only real role is cannon fodder, so they're basically like... megatron's little roombas. except instead of vacuuming they do crimes.

but ASIDE from that. guys. prime has such a small ass cast. and like they hype everything up so much and the stakes are supposedly so high. BUT THIS WAR IS LITERALLY JUST LIKE 10 GUYS. AT LEAST G1 HAD LIKE PLATOONS. BUT PRIME?? THERE'S NO ONE!! THEY'RE FIGHTING OVER A WHOLE PLANET WHEN THEY LITERALLY COULDN'T MAKE UP A SINGLE AMERICAN FOOTBALL TEAM!!!!!!!! I WILL NEVER GET OVER THIS!!

[kaiserouo]

if ordan karris wanna complete that sentence does that mean he also likes us?

[noyzinerd]

Sterek Rival Lawyers AU

It's A (Court) Date

Imagine, high-class, Ivy League, hot-shot, attorney Derek comes back from New York to the family firm to take over as partners with his sister after his parents decide to step down. He may not be on the level of his mother yet, but he's cut his teeth against Wall Street wolves and ruthless white-collar sharks. Derek's more than proved himself, so he just can't fathom these small criminal court cases his family is making him take "before he's truly ready" to be a part of the family business.

Enter in his first case. Right out the gate, the state assigned defense is, not only late to court, but also arrives in a flurry of limbs and papers, tripping all over himself, and profusely apologizing to the room as a whole. "Sorry! Sorry! Car trouble!"

The guy is out of breath, tie crooked and hair a mess. It makes Derek wrinkle his nose at the unprofessionalism and the blatant disrespect to everyone's valuable time.

The presiding judge, the Honorable Ms. Lydia Martin, only sighs a heavy sigh, as if this sight is nothing new, and says "Mr. Stilinski, I suggest you don't let it happen again."

Derek is honestly getting annoyed by how easy this is going to be. He could've been doing literally anything else right about now rather than being here going against a common rent-a-lawyer with some Podunk community-college degree. The opening statement for the defense is laughably inept. Full of nervous stuttering, backtracking, running tangents, and babbling. He's still apologizing, trying to assure the jury that he's just having an off-day today.

It's embarrassing to watch.

Nonetheless, Derek goes through the motions, practiced and poised. Examines all the evidence, presenting times and dates, prior arrest records, the works.

During this time, Mr. Stilinski is frantically (and VERY LOUDLY) flitting through a cartoonishly large stack of papers and whispering to his client. Derek has to fight to grit his teeth through his presentation.

Finally, it's time for Mr. Stilinski to cross-examine Derek's client and, unbeknownst to him, the beginning of Derek's long, long spiral of madness for the rest of his career.

"Judge Martin, I would like to move to have this case thrown out."

"Oh?" asks Judge Martin. For some reason, there's an amused smirk, almost fond, tugging at her lips "On what grounds?"

A giddy, almost manic, grin takes over the defense attorney's face just then. "On the grounds that the prosecution's client is full of bullshit."

The judge rolls her eyes and an exasperated "Stiles," slips from her lips, seemingly against her will. (Derek's not really surprised by the familiarity between the two of them. With how often state-assigned lawyers are called to the courtroom on small cases, it wouldn't be too big of a leap to suggest they might be chummy.)

"Respectfully, of course." Mr. Stilinski--er Stiles?--winks back at her.

"Objection. Your honor, this is ridiculous."

"Overruled. Make your point, Stilinski."

"Mr. Davis says he saw my client at 12:30 P.M., on August 4th, attempting to take his back-right hubcap outside his apartment. Mr. Davis' apartment complex at that time, on that particular day, would have cast a huge shadow over the back lot as evidenced by the gaudy sundial-art-installation outside the courthouse. Meanwhile, my client's picture, when taken in for questioning, has a sunburn on the entire right side of his face. This would corroborate Mr. Lyle's story of walking home alone, down the upper, unshaded side of Elmore Street, during one of the hottest days of the year, for an hour straight. Also, the fact that Mr. Davis has no realistic idea how long it would actually take a person to steal a hubcap should be evidence enough."

"Uh-huh. And this wouldn't happen to be something you've ever had any expertise in, would it, counsel?"

"I plead the 5th."

And just like that, Derek's case is thrown out so quick, he's still reeling about it all the way home.

For the next two years, this becomes Derek's life. This man, this Stiles Stilinski, keeps showing up like a whirlwind and absolutely puts him in his paces.

Stiles, as he insists Derek call him, is a powerhouse. Relentless and unstoppable. That mouth can filibuster for literal hours (which, for those unfamiliar, is when someone legally cannot be forced to give up their time on the floor as long as they can keep talking), that brain quick as a whip, with a hunger for research, a mastery of the English language svelte enough to trip up even the most well-rehearsed lie, and an attention to detail like nothing Derek has ever witnessed before. It's like he knows every law inside and out. Lives it. Breathes it. It's like he had been raised on the law his whole life. Not only that, it's like Stiles enjoys it. Every case is a new game to get excited about.

All of it makes Derek's blood boil.

However, it's not always about losing to Stiles all the time, because, honestly, that might be less humiliating.

In truth, when faced against Stiles, Derek's bound to win about 60% of the time. Out of that 60%, only 5% of those wins actually feel earned. As for the other 55%?

He knows Stiles is letting him win.

Derek can't prove it, but he knows the asshole is holding back on purpose nearly half the time. Knowing that Stiles could have beaten him if he wanted to, but didn't, is somehow more frustrating than just losing.

He hates Stiles.

He hates that the guy is so chipper and playful all the damn time. He hates that Stiles could probably work at any firm he wanted, could make enough money to get a decent car that doesn't shit out all the time, could buy a proper-fitting suit, but instead CHOOSES to stay here "watching out for the little guy", as he so put it.

He hates that facing Stiles in court is the most challenged, the most motivated he's ever felt in his entire life. He hates that Stiles brings out in him the spark of passion and drive Derek had long thought had died. He hates that Stiles always tries to banter with him during recess or whenever they have to exchange evidence.

He hates finding out that Stiles only loses cases on purpose when his endless amounts of research points to the defendant actually being guilty of horrendous crimes, because Stiles is a good fucking person.

He hates Stiles' constant teasing and he hates that Stiles is somehow able to bring Derek down to his childish level to tease back. He hates how much he looks forward to court-dates with Stiles now. He hates being invited out by Stiles over and over to grab a bite together after a long day, as if Stiles hasn't been wiping the floor with him on this case for the last month. He hates it even more that he always accepts and that now they have their own designated booth at the diner across the street. Derek's so unbelievably frustrated, it makes him want to bite Stiles at the neck just to hear that smartass mouth squeal.

"Hey, I ever tell you I was thinking of quitting before you arrived?" Stiles asks one night as they're walking to their cars.

Derek's head immediately snaps to him at that. "What?"

Stiles smiles distantly at the thought. "Oh, yeah. Things had started feeling like being trapped in a cubicle, y'know? There wasn't any challenge in it anymore."

"What made you stay?"

"Well...you did. You were the first, serious competition I'd faced in a while. It wasn't a matter of winning just to win, anymore. Going against you always reminded me of the reason why it was important for me to win. It gave me stakes, because now there was an actual chance I could lose and an innocent person could go to jail. You, I don't know, kinda reignited my passion for fighting the good fight, I guess."

Derek can feel his heart thumping hard in his chest. He wants to say 'You did the same for me!' He wants to tell Stiles that he didn't think his life could ever be this fun or happy or messy or chaotic or exhilarating or challenging or fulfilling before coming to Beacon Hills.

But just as Derek goes to open his mouth to sing Stiles' praises, he instead finds himself roughly shoving him up against the Camaro and biting hungrily at that mouth and tongue that's been the bane of his existence. There's a surprised little squeak that Derek quickly swallows up, but it isn't long before they're both tearing at each others' clothes and fucking each other dirty in the backseat of Derek's car.

What's crazy is, after they get together, nothing in their careers really changes. The only difference is now they get to fuck each others' brains out after an intense battle in court (and the sound Stiles makes when Derek bites him is exactly what he always imagined it would sound like). They still face against each other on opposite sides in court. They still give it everything they got, no conceding even if they are dating now. Not to mention, Derek wouldn't dream of tempting Stiles over to his firm. Not when he knows Stiles is at his best staying where he's at.

The day Derek's family finally decides it's time for him to take over the firm with Laura is the best day of his and Stiles' lives.

Not only does Derek tell them he's declining, he hires Stiles as his attorney to negotiate terms against his entire family of well-seasoned lawyers.

The entire month-long negotiation results in Derek, not saying a single word, but absolutely beaming as he watches his boyfriend run circles around his mother, his father, his uncle, and both of his sisters on contracts. It's so unbelievably hot, they're banging on whatever flat surface they can get their hands on every time they leave the boardroom. There's even one very memorable blowjob in the empty hall outside the boardroom when Stiles somehow manages to get Peter to agree to a (most likely illegal) clause dictating the firm will pay Stiles a finder's fee for any pro-bono case Stiles takes on outside of Beacon Hills that strikes his fancy.

And, no one says it, but they all know Derek definitely, 100%, dragged his own firm through this negotiation just to show off how incredible Stiles is to his family and preen about it.

--

Fast-forward, Derek is going to be in the audience for the first time for one of Stiles' cases.

While waiting in the hall, Derek sees a familiar face from his New York days. The prosecution has hired the eighth best lawyer money can get, Jackson Whittemore. He's sporting a Rolex, sunglasses indoors, and the face of someone who thinks he's above literally every other person in town.

Well, at least until he sees Derek.

For some reason, Jackson seems to think Derek is all the way out in the middle of nowhere to 'watch a master at work' (which...well...is technically true...).

As Derek goes to sit in the audience, Jackson tells him in passing, "This'll be over so fast, probably won't even get a chance to learn the other guy's name."

Derek chuckles and says back, "Ooh, buddy, you have no idea."

Before Jackson can think more on that, a whirlwind of limbs and papers suddenly hurls through the doors.

Derek sits back, gets comfy, and waits eagerly for the show to begin.

My first moodboard. Hope you enjoy. AU based on a discussion with @casually-eat-my-soul (I suggest checking out their version). This was kind of like a divergence from that (the brain juices just started flowing).

[trappedinafantasy37]

Your chest is heavy with breath as the battle rages all around you. You take your mace and bash through every enemy that dares get in your way. They stand to threaten everything that is important to you. You cannot let them succeed, you cannot let them get away with it, you cannot let a single one of them live for they are wrong. They are a stain, a plague that needs to be eradicated.

You push further into their sanctuary, destroying anyone and anything that you can find. You do not hold back and you show no restraint and no mercy. You laugh at their measly and pathetic attempts to fight back. They stand no chance against you and your might. Do they not recognize how much better you are than them? They fail to see what such abhorrent trash they are, and you are here to make a demonstration.

It took a lot of energy and there were a few close calls. But all those who would have stood against you lie cold on the ground. You take a deep breath, appreciating the sweet and metallic smell of blood. You won, they did not. You walk around, inspecting the corpses, looting all you can find for the spoils are now yours to take.

You wander into an isolated corner to a body whose arm leans over a ledge. This corpse piques your curiosity as it is a fish out of water. It doesn't belong up here. How did this one get wrapped up in something so vile? But, then again, maybe that's just her base instincts as murder and carnage are all that drow are known for. And look at her now. Dead, cold and alone, left to be remembered by no one. Her hand reaches down over the ledge to a home she can never return to. You loot her corpse of everything, being sure to leave her naked and bare so you can belittle and humiliate her even in death. Because that's what good and honorable people do! It's what she deserves anyway. Someone as evil, and vile, and horrible as her doesn't deserve respect, not even in death.

Her blood, along with who knows how many goblins, soak through the skin of your hands and drips off your mace. Gore, bone, and brain matter decorate the metal plate of your armor and tangle in your hair. Corpse after corpse is left in your wake. The decorative stone of the temple once held sacred now runs with the river of blood you spilled.

How many lie dead thanks to you and your allies? You have killed far more in this goblin camp than that drow ever would have if she found the grove. Goblins, bugbears, ogres, a drow, a hobgoblin, a few lost humans, and even children, all dead by your order. And they all deserved it a thousand fold because they are all wrong, and evil, and your world has no place for them. It does not matter if they ever actually would have been a threat to the grove. No, their mere existence in proximity to good people is threat enough. And you are a good person and you only do good things. And that is exactly what you did by killing them all.

You return home to celebrate and inform the tieflings of the good news. You talk, you laugh, you dance, you sing, you drink, you fuck. You did a good thing today. A heroic thing. You committed a massacre, a genocide. But that's acceptable because you are a good person and you only do good things. They would have otherwise done it to you. But, they are wrong as they did not have a good reason, at least not one that you could find. You did, and thus this massacre, and only your massacre, is justified.

And you continue on your journey. You learn more about this Absolute and the nature of these 'True Souls'. You think back to the fight at that goblin camp and the three True Souls you killed. They were just brainwashed, forced against their will to commit horrendous atrocities. Atrocities that you might have been forced to do yourself had you not been so lucky. You shake your head, removing all semblance of doubt and sympathy. The reality does not change a thing. They were an active threat and they deserved to die and be denied chance at redemption. As far as you are concerned, drow and goblins are just born evil and should be killed on sight. None of them deserved to live. You had to punish them for what they might do, rather than what they actually do. True Soul or not, that drow would have been a threat to you and anyone who breathes. Even if you knew before hand the full scope of her situation, you would have made the same choice because she is evil, and you are not because you only make the good choices.

You slaughter and kill your way to Baldur's Gate, leaving behind bloody footprints with every step you take. You have paved a path of corpses in the name of this crusade. You have killed, lied, stolen, manipulated, cheated, and exploited all to claim your victory and force your principles onto the world because you are good and the only one who is correct and knows what's best, and thus your actions are good. You intend well. You want to save the world and help people. You want to snuff out all evil. And sometimes being good means killing.

But, in the end, you always end up doing all the same things that the bad guys would do, making all the same actions that lead to the same outcome. And that outcome often is death and carnage. The only thing that separates you from them is your intentions and your perception of those intentions. And all those who disagree will die by your hand because your morality will not be questioned, as those who question you must be evil because you are good.

You stand atop a mountain of corpses, happy and proud of your deeds because you did the right thing. The smell of rot and decay spirals around you as you stand amongst the dead, erecting yourself as a pillar of honor and integrity. There is a growing list of names that have been permanently removed from the world by your hand, amongst them is a genocidal lunatic, a lunatic who never would have killed as many people as you have.

You are a good person. A hero. And yet, your hands are just as bloody as all those you killed, those you claim to be evil.

[vaugarde]

people being super loyal to and defensive over the human characters in the sonic movie is so weird to me. where was this defensiveness for chris thorndyke or the other kids in sonic x. at least he's got kind of an interesting and different idea to him than... tom. idk.