#and i lowered my caffeine intake

[pagetorn]

ngl, since changing my diet and focusing on a lot of healthier food options.... i feel completely and utterly sick. I don't understand

[dykekakashi]

hmmmmm period hasn't been painful this time altho i do have a headache, but i'll take that over cramps? anyway the only things i've been doing differently are eating more protein and not going to the office lol ............................. and i guess more cardio/dancing but i thiught that was basically replacing my daily walk to work in terms of activity.

[ggomos-maribat]

1 | in which Tim Drake tries to propose to the PA

Part 1 of No Mr. Wayne You Can't Adopt Me! | Masterlist

Bruce tried not to flinch as he sat down on his swiveling chair. He had twisted his ankle from pursuing Penguin's goons the previous night but had to cover it up for work. Sure, he was used to hiding injuries and slipping into his CEO persona, but that didn't mean his muscles weren't sore and beat-up. 

Just in time, his PA entered the office, carrying a stack of folders and a hot mug of coffee. "Here are the partnership offers I filtered from the initial pile." She placed the papers atop his desk. "I've also noticed that there is a defect in the new prototype of the research department that they are yet to attend to." 

Bruce frowned. "But isn't the demo and meeting for it scheduled today?" 

"Yes, that's why I've convinced the head supervisor to push it back to next week after they deal with the defect," Marinette reported. "I've also postponed the investors meeting to tomorrow since there was a delay in the materials." 

She lowered her voice as if relaying a secret. "I noticed you have difficulty walking today, Mr. Wayne. With your modified schedule, all your work can be done here at your desk. If there's other legwork to do, I'll take care of it." 

Somehow, in perfect timing, Marinette always managed to accommodate the times when he was injured. Bruce didn't know if he was getting bad at hiding it because of his old age or if the girl's intuition was just crazy sharp. Maybe it was both. He cleared his throat. "Thank you, Marinette. I appreciate it." 

She opened up the first folder in front of him and transferred the mug to an electric warmer. "Another skiing accident?" 

"Not as bad this time. Just a twisted ankle." 

Next, she lowered the blinds just to allow just a peek of the sunlight and prepared a snack tray on a circular table beside his desk. Bruce never communicated the particulars about his preferences and he wasn't actually picky about his office space (unlike his son-slash-co-CEO). But this PA of his, just somehow knows. Like Alfred-levels of expertise. It creeped him out a little if he were to be honest. 

She clasped her hands behind her back. "Anything else, Mr. Wayne?" 

"None at the moment, thank you." 

She raised an eyebrow. 

. . . Which drew out a sigh from him. "Fine. Can you maybe help limit Tim's caffeine intake today? He had too many cups last night and he didn't listen when I told him to take the time off today." 

"Of course, I'll do that right away." She nodded in satisfaction. 

When she left, Bruce pulled up a tab on his computer to search for the legal documents, wondering if there was etiquette about an employer legally adopting their employee. 

***

Marinette entered the office of Tim Drake after receiving a greeting from Tam at her desk beside the door. The young PA kept her hands behind her back as she approached the boy who was glued to his computer screen. Upon closer look, she could see the heaviness under his eyes, accentuated by the dark circles on his pale skin. 

"I looked into your request of acquiring a commission piece from M.D.C.," Marinette told him. 

There was only a slight shift in his exhausted expression—a downturn of the mouth—before his scratchy voice replied. "I thought they don't accept commissions anymore." 

"Yes, but I re-visited our correspondence and apparently they still make pieces for selected clients." She took a deep breath. "And I got you an in." 

The clicking of the mouse suddenly paused, followed by the widening of Tim's red-rimmed eyes. He practically crawled out of his seat to kneel before Marinette to take her hand in his. "Please marry me." 

Marinette gently pulled away. "Sorry, Mr. Drake, my contract with Mr. Wayne prohibits me from marrying or getting into a relationship with any of his children." 

"Why?!" Tim cried out.

"Perhaps he precisely predicted this kind of situation." She smiled apologetically. "And by my guess, I think he wants to adopt me first and not marry into the Wayne family." 

Not that she actually wanted to be the newest addition to her boss' family. 

With a pout, Tim retreated back to his chair while muttering about Bruce's adoption addiction. But in a second, he brightened up once more as he seemingly remembered the new opportunity he gained with M.D.C. "I have to compile my requests for the clothes!" He furiously tapped at his keyboard.

Marinette's heart went out for Tam. It looked like Tim wasn't getting proper work done that day again. 

"I will forward the list to M.D.C. as soon as it's ready," she assured. 

And while the co-CEO was immersed in researching designs in his half-conscious state, Marinette brought out the mug from behind her back and exchanged the coffee on his desk with decaf: a custom brew which was guaranteed to help him sleep for the afternoon. 

In triumph, she exchanged thumbs-ups with Tam through the glass window of the office. 

***

Marinette kept a watchful eye on Bruce's office to keep anyone from entering and disturbing the boss. But when she peeked into the room to deliver more files to him, she saw Bruce facing the open window and talking softly with Superman himself, who was at the other side of the glass. 

Fortunately, neither of them seemed to notice her. She closed the door slowly and leaned her back against it, wondering if she should be guarding the door with her life. At the strike of bad luck, one of the company executives was heading straight towards the direction of the office. 

He shot her a look as she blocked the way. Head to toe. "Mr. White," she greeted slowly.

"I have some papers Mr. Wayne must sign urgently." He narrowed his eyes. 

"Sorry." She forced out a smile. "Mr. Wayne is a little . . . preoccupied at the moment. Why don't I take those papers off your hands and I'll have him sign them later?" 

The executive clutched the stack tightly as if it were some precious treasure. "No, I need to have them signed now. If you can let me in, I'm sure Mr. Wayne won't mind a short interruption." 

He stepped to the side but she moved in his way just as swiftly. Marinette sighed inwardly. This is beyond my paycheck. And judging by how White went here on his own, it must be some fund-farming project proposal Mr. Wayne would never agree to. 

"Get out of my way!" He cried out. "Who do you think you are?!" 

"I apologize, but Mr. Wayne is meeting an important guest. Under no circumstances must he be disturbed," she told him firmly. "I'm certain the papers can wait. He's not going anywhere." 

"Listen here," Mr. White spat out. "I have more authority over you. You will do as I say right now!" 

"Mr. White—"

"I will tell Mr. Wayne how incompetent you are! Rude to company executives! How dare you speak to me like this?!" Marinette stared with disinterest as his neck turned red and his forehead threatened to pop a vessel. 

"What is going on here?" 

Marinette felt the door open behind her to reveal Bruce, looking at White with clear exasperation. What she didn't expect was a bespectacled man emerging from behind her boss clad in business clothes. 

"Mr. Wayne!" The executive squeaked. "I need you to sign these—"

"Did you not hear my PA?" Bruce punished him with a cold look. "I was receiving a guest. And you had the nerve to cause a commotion right outside my office." 

"But—" 

"Leave. Now." 

Mr. White scurried away, tail between his legs, as other passing employees whispered to each other. Marinette stepped aside to give way to the two men. 

Bruce cleared his throat. "Thank you for your time, Clark. I'll get back to you soon." 

Superman—Clark—responded with a nod and a gentle smile before excusing himself out of the area. Marinette watched his back whilst he left. If anyone looked more attentively, they'd notice that the button-up and slacks Clark was wearing was too tight for his size, pointing to the fact that they were Bruce's and not his. 

"Marinette, if you can keep quiet about . . ." Bruce trailed off, face twisting as he tried to pick his words carefully. She, of course, would know that no guest had entered his office despite Clark Kent exiting it only a few moments ago. 

"Don't worry, Mr. Wayne. I won't tell anyone about your affair with Mr. Kent," she promised before walking back to her desk. 

"Thank you . . . Wait, my what?" 

[srbachchan]

DAY 5874

Jalsa, Mumbai Mar 18/19, 2024 Mon/Tue 10:37 AM

Birthday - EF - Syed Kabeeruddin Tuesday, 19 March .. and our wishes for this day for your day .. love from all the Ef 🌹❤️🙏 🚩

We are all in the grip of technology and the speed with which it changes and changes our life and indeed the life of the Universe ..

By the time we realise that a finality has been reached , another system takes over rendering the finality to a disposition that gives it a 'been there , has been' temperament ..

Not just in the world of technology , but also in the thinking of all , in every aspect ..

The belief and the sense of reality .. of fact and misadventures in the factual world have quite selectively given us all reason to think or express at every fact , whether it is indeed a fact or not ..

The question mark, the doubt, the knowing that there is an alternative invades us all , and we surrender in servile disposition to its reality ..

Well , enough of the philosophy on the budding reality of alternatives and fact and on to another query ..

COFFEE ..

For the past year or so , thanks to some inputs from the younger generation colleague, the consumption of coffee suddenly became prevailent in my routine .. a drink like tea and beverages I had not consumed for years ..

Yes it did give certain reactions and changes but I needed to know factually and googelly if what the net was netting to .. so researched and came to a netted observation :

Coffee, a beloved beverage, offers several benefits. Its caffeine content enhances alertness and concentration, aiding productivity. Studies suggest coffee may reduce the risk of certain diseases like Parkinson's and Alzheimer's. Additionally, it contains antioxidants, potentially lowering the risk of cancer and promoting heart health. However, excessive consumption can lead to negative effects. Insomnia and increased heart rate are common, while anxiety and digestive issues may arise in some individuals. Dependency can develop, leading to withdrawal symptoms like headaches. Moreover, excessive caffeine intake may exacerbate existing health conditions like hypertension. Moderation is key to enjoying coffee's benefits while minimizing its drawbacks.

So having consumed it for some time and in a confused state , recently have abstained for about 2 weeks from all - the coffee and the aerated beverages .. and wanted some clarification ..

So .. somewhat relieved , somewhat confused , somewhat - some and what !!!

Love and see ya .. 😁

Amitabh Bachchan

[guiltyidealist]

Body count.

Hidden but insidious little piece of fatphobia:

you cannot find a single fucking page on INCREASING your appetite. On coping, struggling with a LOW appetite. Having a lowered appetite. On managing your health when your appetite is low. On how to get yourself to eat and NOURISH MORE. more efficiently, more FREQUENTLY.

By which I don't mean "how to gain weight" but by which I mean how to MAINTAIN A WEIGHT that's healthy for you. or more specifically, how to nourish SUSTAINABLY. over the LONG-term. How make sure you nourish and KEEP nourishing CONSISTENTLY. How to maintain your health in spite of an appetite that is too low.

Hell. even just what it means for your appetite to be low, how to TELL if your appetite is LOWER than is HEALTHY for you. the consequences and problems people face when they have a low appetite. the RISKS and DANGERS of a low appetite.

Because every fucking search result is

how to gain weight (muscle)

how to eat more foods that don't make you gain weight (fat) as fast as other foods

Tragedy Strikes: the Misfortune of Fat & How to Protect Your Precious Soul from Falling Victim to This Cruel Fate😢

how to lose weight (fat) (new fad diet for starvation and you will have a net loss of 0 lbs or less by the time 5 years elapses)

how not to lose weight (muscle)

how to eat less how to fucking starve how to deprive yourself the little things and be miserable and fucking die

if I eat too fast I'll feel nauseous. As a result, I graze over longer stretches throughout the day (er I did, before meds changes slaughtered my appetite).

People were always fucking like "ah! I hear that's better for you anyway😊"

by which they fucking mean "To my understanding, that eating pattern facilitates weight loss a bit more than normal patterns do, therefore it is superior because weight and supremacy are inverse correlates😊"

Nowadays I don't eat that way because my appetite is really fucking low. Today I managed a bowl of oyster crackers, an applesauce, some carrots, a piece of cornbread, a few pepperonis, and a scoop of cookie bake.

Plus x2 cans of Mountain Dew (my usual daily caffeine intake is maybe 1 glass of Coke), because I have to pass this final semester at the expense of my body.

Fuck I did not even realize how jack shit I ate today until I listed that out. With that combination it's really not a wonder that my whole digestive tract has been fucked for like 3 weeks straight now. On top of that I'm not getting ample nourishment, neither in nutrient nor caloric terms.

Low appetite is a problem.

and nobody cares. Nobody cares! Nobody fucking cares. You know why? Because this problem results in weight loss. See high appetite on the other hand, that causes weight gain, so you understand all energies must be allocated toward solving that problem🙂.

Noooo low appetite is a gift! A blessing!!! A privilege!!!!! God I wish that were me!!!!!!!!

How to lower your appetite!! 3 Vitamins that will lower your appetite!! Lower your appetite with these 15 yummy recipes!

6 easy ways to shame yourself for having wants and needs! How to stave off hunger and ignore your body's signaling of needs! How to replace the sound of your body calling you to action with blaring fad diet commercials. How to convert your body's begging for its life into an incessant and intrusive need to self-sabotage instead.

How to dissociate from your body and fixate upon doing the opposite of what it needs to stay alive. How to fret over whether or not you moved enough in the last 24 hours. How to take the energy out of every day to meticulously COUNT every single piece of material you dArE put in your body. How to count your body. How to develop one or more of the MOST DEADLY mental illnesses. How to wind up having the sole variety of mental illness that fucking kills you whether you wanted to die or not

How to tally the body count

[spiritboxxhoe]

General Tips for people with EDs

---------------------------------------------------------------------

Water :

We absolutely must drink water to survive, and it has zero calories, so there's no excuse to not drink it. As we typically get much of our water content through foods, when we reduce food intake we begin to dehydrate ourselves, which is dangerous. Also, cold water chills the body and may raise metabolism to get warm again.

Reasons to drink water:

It lubricates the joints

It forms saliva and mucus

If delivers oxygen throughout your entire body

It boosts skin health and beauty

It cushions the brain, spinal cord, and other sensitive tissue

It regulates body temperature

Your digestive system depends on it

It flushes body waste

It maintains your blood pressure

Your airways need it

Prevents kidney damage

Weight loss

Finally, it reduces the chance of a hungover

---------------------------------------------------------------------

Vitamins and Minerals:

We must have these, too, to survive and so again there is no excuse to not take at least a basic daily multivitamin (which may help reduce some cravings as well). Vitamins are vital in keeping our bodies functioning and our skin / hair / teeth nice. Particularly be aware of electrolytes (potassium, magnesium, salt, along with water balance) and calcium.

Reasons to take to help with weightloss....

Vitamin C: it has been proven that people with low vitamin C status tend to burn less fat when exercising

Vitamin B12: Faster metabolism

Omega 3: Increases fat breakdown, decreases muscle inflammation, large amounts are usually taken by big time athletes

Ashwagandha: Increases muscle mass which results in a faster metabolism, improves sleeping patterns(Lack of sleep = High blood sugar = weight gain)

Vitamin B2: Helps your body break down fats, carbs, and proteins

Fenugreek: it’s an herb that works as an appetite supressant, just be careful with it and do research

Vitamin D: Helps with hairloss, dry skin, and depression

---------------------------------------------------------------------

Protein:

Protein is necessary, particularly if you're exercising. It maintains and repairs our muscles, including heart muscle, which is (last I heard) kind of a requisite for continued survival.

Reduces appetite and hunger levels

Increases muscle mass and strength

Good for your bones

Reduces cravings and late night binging

Boosts metabolism and increases fat burning

Lowers blood pressure

Helps maintain weight loss

Helps your body repair itself after injury

Helps you stay fit as you age

---------------------------------------------------------------------

Fat Intake:

Fat has, per gram, more calories than any other source of energy and is stored more easily. Switch to low fat everything, then progress to nonfat. Nonfat food tends to taste like crap (in my opinion) and you may end up eating less because of that.

---------------------------------------------------------------------

Caffeine:

While caffeine can be an appetite suppressant and can increase your metabolism, it will also act as a diuretic. Drink a glass of water for each cup of tea, coffee, or diet soda you have. Again, dehydration is a potentially serious problem.

---------------------------------------------------------------------

Tips:

Always read labels to avoid nasty surprises. This happens to me all the time and makes for some panicky stress-moments. Also, look up food charts and be aware of the caloric / nutritional content of everything you eat.

Understand yourself. Learn what you need, and when, and why. Everyone is unique and there are no hard-and-fast universally applicable laws. Our bodies are very good at telling us what we need, and knowing what you need gives control over how you choose to satisfy those needs.

Find your binge triggers, be they food or places or people or feelings. Avoid them at all costs. Figure out more acceptable ways of dealing with those triggers than stuffing yourself silly.

Learn when you tend to eat and why you eat then in particular. Plan to be doing something unrelated to food at those times. Many of us find night to be the hardest time to avoid food.

Get plenty of sleep. Steal naps whenever you can and rest when you need to rest. Sleep deprivation increases appetite and makes you age faster.

---------------------------------------------------------------------

The end! Thank you for reading <3

[totowlff]

extra — cover up the blank spots

➝ it was supposed to be another normal day for alma, until she read the name on the form in her hands.

➝ word count: 4,8k

➝ warnings: therapy session, mental health, mentions of self-harming and suicide

➝ author’s note: this extra is something ally and i agreed to do because we saw the need to give more depth to elisabeth's questions. of course, what is reported here, as well as the clinical notes, are just simulations of what happens in a real session, based on research and our own experiences. i also take advantage of the space so that, in case you are going through a difficult time, know that you are not alone. if you are afraid to seek professional help or just need to talk, know that my askbox is always open to welcome and help you in any way.

SEPTEMBER, 2016

It was the end of the day, and Dr. Alma Messner was trying to wrap things up before heading home. She closed the window in her office, drawing the yellow curtains and turning on the desk lamp. It was a lot warmer out earlier in the day, but now that the sun was getting lower on the horizon, a distinct early-autumn chill was starting to set in. As she was waiting for her cup of tea to steep, she straightened up the cushions on the couch in her office and took a look around. 

She was very proud of her office — she’d decorated it to be bright and cheery, still cozy. It was furnished mostly in a neutral gray palette, but with pops of yellow and light blue to keep the gray from looking too gloomy. It also had a large window that looked out onto a narrow old street right next to a Jesuit church that was built in the 1600’s, right in Vienna’s Innere Stadt. She was pretty proud when she’d found the place for rent and finally opened her own psychology practice a year after getting her doctorate.

“Not bad for a girl from the hills, huh?” she thought, back then. She’d moved to Vienna from a tiny farming village in Styria when she started university. When she was younger, she never could have imagined a view like this becoming her every day. 

She sat down at her desk and discarded the teabag, leaving the mug on her desk for a few minutes to cool a bit while she got herself situated. 

This was her end-of-day ritual, once her last client left — she would spend about an hour or so updating notes from the day’s clients, have some tea, a nice peppermint variety — it struck the balance between helping her concentrate and decompress without caffeine — and enjoy the quiet of the empty office. She sat down at her desk and took her round tortoiseshell-framed glasses off and rubbed her eyes before getting started.

— Good night, Dr. Messner — someone said from down the hallway. It was her receptionist, Helena. 

— Good night, Helena. See you tomorrow — Alma said, as she opened her clinical charting software. 

She usually started with new intakes. She didn’t have one every day, and they usually didn’t take very long, because the first session was mostly sorting out release and authorization forms and getting to know a new client. An hour isn’t much time to dig in very deep.

Alma only had one new client intake today, and she felt like it was going to be… An interesting case. 

“Elisabeth R. Lauda”, she typed into the form. “30, F, Diagnosis TBD”.

Of course, Alma knew who Elisabeth Lauda was before she even set foot in the office. Daughter of an Austrian national hero. Alma had never been one to watch motor racing, but everyone in the country knew the name Niki Lauda. In spite of her famous father, Elisabeth kept a fairly low profile until very recently, when she became the star of tabloid headlines. Word had gotten out about her being together with Toto Wolff, who was a wealthy investor that had become the CEO of a Formula 1 team a few years back. It apparently had the celebrity news in Vienna all up-in-arms, because Toto was considered one of the country’s most eligible bachelors.

Alma didn’t pay much attention to celebrity gossip, but she was surprised — and not, she supposed, to see Elisabeth’s name on the intake forms she’d gotten from Helena earlier on in the week. Surprised in that Alma didn’t expect the name of a minor Viennese celebrity to land in her intake basket, but not surprised in that if anybody would be having a hard time and in need of someone to talk to, it was her.

When Elisabeth’s appointment time came, Alma wasn’t really sure what to expect of the woman. She’d not ever had a client that was… Famous, if you could call Elisabeth Lauda that.

Elisabeth came for her appointment exactly on time — early, actually. Alma went out to the clinic’s waiting room to greet her, and to bring her back to the office.

She was wearing a pair of nice jeans, a light blue dress shirt that seemed like it was perfectly tailored, and her dark hair was up in a high ponytail. Alma noted that she had on light, natural-looking makeup. 

“Well, at least she’s probably not expecting to cry”, she thought.

Somehow, Alma felt almost underdressed in comparison, despite wearing a pair of dress slacks, ballet flats, and a blazer. 

Elisabeth was quiet, but she had an imposing presence, somehow.

She had inquisitive blue eyes that traveled around Alma’s office, taking everything in. Alma noticed that Elisabeth also had very good posture, and sat down on the couch very gracefully. She had a very firm, confident handshake as well. 

— It’s very nice to meet you, Miss Lauda. I’m Dr. Messner, but feel free to call me Alma.

— It’s nice to meet you too, Alma. And, please, call me Elisabeth.

— Wonderful. We’ll just discuss some basics first. I usually look at this first meeting as an assessment session. This means that I'll be asking you some questions to get an understanding of what brought you here and to get to know a little more about you. We might skip around a little, but this time together will give us each a chance to see if we’d work well together and how I can best help you. Does that sound okay?

— That sounds fine — Elisabeth said. Her voice was quiet, her arms were crossed. Alma recognized her body language as closed off, almost withdrawn. She hoped that talking to her a bit would open things up.

— Now, first things first: what brings you to therapy? — Alma asked. Almost immediately, she noticed that Elisabeth started fidgeting with a ring on her left hand, a small, platinum-colored one that looked almost like a clasp, lined with clear stones. 

— Well — Elisabeth said, before taking a deep breath in — My, um, partner suggested it. He’s been seeing a therapist for a long time, and he thought it might help me. We’ve been together for a few years already, but he’s… In the press all the time, because of his job. Our relationship recently went public, I guess you could say, and all of the attention has been making me a little…

She paused, furrowing her brow.

— Anxious. And I’ve been having trouble sleeping, and I’ve been having these episodes, anxiety attacks, I guess. When I get them, I feel this overwhelming fear. And then my heart starts pounding, I feel like I can’t breathe, I can’t stop crying.

Alma frowned.

— I’m sorry you’ve been going through that. I could see how that would be a stressful situation for you. When did these episodes start happening, and how frequently have they been happening?

— I’m… Not sure how to answer that — Elisabeth said — I first started having them when I was in school, probably since I was 13 or 14. I got picked on a lot. And I’d get this tight feeling in my chest whenever I had to present something in class. I thought about… Um, ending my life a few times during my teenage years, but I never… Followed through. I suppose, once I went to university, and started working after graduating, it was manageable, but it’s been getting bad again lately with the attention of the press.

Alma saw that Elisabeth wasn’t looking at her as she spoke. Her gaze was seemingly fixed on the area rug between them, and she was still playing with her ring.

— I see. Have you been to any sort of therapy or counseling before?

— No… I didn’t want my parents to think something was wrong with me — Elisabeth said, quietly.  

— Well, if it helps any, I am glad you are here — Alma said — I know starting something like this is often difficult, but I think taking the first step shows a lot of bravery. And your partner, he must care a lot about you if he encouraged you to take that step. Now, would you mind telling me a little bit about him?

Elisabeth lifted her head back up and her expression turned into a fond smile. 

— Well, his name is Torger, but he goes by Toto. He is a little bit older than me but that never mattered between us. We met when my father went into a new business venture with him, with both of them as investors. Our relationship started slowly, because of the process of... Accepting my own feelings towards him. I knew from the first time I met him that I was attracted to him, but I was afraid. 

She took a small pause.

— We had some trouble here and there, and we finally ended up getting together two years ago. I wish I hadn’t been so stupid and cowardly and had just accepted that I was in love with him earlier. He is the best person I have ever met in the whole world. He’s been through so much in his life, and he can still look forward to every day with a smile. He’s very busy, because of work and traveling, but he tries to be present. Not only for me, but for his two kids. He’s less of a partner to me, and more of a best friend. I know I can count on him in good times and in bad. I really love him, Alma. He’s the love of my life, the kind you always see in fairy tale cartoons and movies. He’s the only one for me.

Alma raised her eyebrows. She was surprised at how effusive Elisabeth was. Until that point, it felt like Elisabeth was hesitating, maybe even uncomfortable, but asking about her partner broke the dam. It was something worth remembering — talking about things that clients felt strongly about or were willing to talk about at length was helpful in case they started withdrawing, or shutting down. 

— He sounds like a wonderful man. And how about the rest of your family?

— My father was a racing driver in the 70’s and 80’s. He was very talented. When he retired, he dedicated himself to his business ventures — Elisabeth smiled — He is one of a kind, if I can say anything. He’s serious and focused, but he has kind of a mischievous side, too. My mom was a model, but once she had me and my brothers, she decided to be a stay-at-home mother. She’s amazing. She’s so kind and understanding. I was lucky to have such a good example of a happy marriage with the two of them.

— That’s wonderful. How about your brothers? How many do you have?

— Two. I’m the youngest. My oldest brother is named Lukas. He’s seven years older than me, but we’ve always gotten along really well, he’s very supportive and caring. My other brother, Mathias, however… Our relationship is… A bit more difficult. We used to be pretty close. Not as close as Lukas and I always were, but the three of us always got along growing up. Mathias is married and has two kids. But my brother… He still has a really childish way of dealing with things.

Alma tilted her head a bit.

— Hm. What makes you say that, if you don’t mind me asking?

— Well, I didn’t notice it at first — Elisabeth said. She shifted a bit on the couch, and her gaze went back to her lap — But when Toto and I got together, I was afraid of what my dad would think. Everyone liked my dad, but he said time and time again that he didn’t have any friends, but Toto sort of became the first person he considered a friend. And I felt sort of… Ashamed about dating the one person my dad considered his friend.

Alma spotted it again — the fidgeting with the ring. Some people’s body language was hard to read, but Elisabeth’s was loud and clear. “She would probably be a terrible poker player”, Alma thought. 

— We also thought it would be best if we stayed out of the public eye for a while, because Toto is pretty well-known and had kind of a… What’s a nice way to put this? A reputation in the press for being a bit of a playboy — Elisabeth chuckled a bit, and then continued — But, after a few months, my brother caught us in an, um, compromising position, and connected the dots. I asked him not to tell anyone, especially dad, and he told me I…

Elisabeth took a deep breath in. Her voice had started to crack a little.

— That I broke my father’s trust by involving myself with Toto, and that I betrayed him. And that… Absolutely shattered me.

She clenched her jaw, as a stray tear rolled down her cheek. 

— I hesitated getting together with Toto in the first place because I wasn’t sure how my dad would react, and he tried to use that against me, knowing that I didn’t want to hurt my dad’s feelings. And he started talking about how I was always the perfect child and dad’s favorite, or something, because he was always kind of rebellious, always getting into trouble with our parents for doing things they told him he couldn’t do, like competitive go-karting, and…

Elisabeth swallowed, and more tears started coming. Alma plucked a box of tissues from her desk, and leaned over to offer it to Elisabeth. She accepted the box, taking two tissues out to dab at the corners of eyes, and set the box next to her on the couch. 

— Thank you. Um, anyway, I kind of negotiated with him to not tell dad, but our relationship was revealed through an Instagram mishap, and he had just been waiting for a good opportunity to sell me out, in a way.

Alma frowned, but tried to keep her expression soft.

— I’m so sorry, Elisabeth. That sounds awful. Family is complicated sometimes, and I can definitely see how that would be causing you a significant amount of anxiety, especially because I am sure that your brother was someone you had trusted in the past.

— Yes. My relationship with Mathias was good. We had our differences, but I loved him. I supported his racing career, and I helped him build it. I still do love my brother. I love my sister-in-law, and I love my two nephews. But right now, our family feels like it’s broken in half because of me, and I feel — Elisabeth turned her head again, looking out the window. Her voice went soft and quiet — I just feel so guilty about it, all the time.

Alma felt horrible for the woman. If the two of them were just friends casually chatting, she would’ve told Elisabeth her brother sounds like a piece of work, or something far less friendly, but she had to be somewhat indifferent as a clinician and professional. Plus, it was their first session.

— If it helps, I don’t think you have any reason to feel guilty about this — she said. 

Elisabeth turned to face her again.

— But — she started, but didn’t continue.

— It sounds like your brother was just acting out on feelings that he hasn’t resolved. I don’t know him, so I can’t say what they are, precisely, but it doesn’t sound like you’ve done anything that you need to feel guilty about, at least to me.

— If Toto and I wouldn’t have started dating, my brother wouldn’t have gotten upset with me — Elisabeth said.

— That might be true, but there’s a difference between guilt and responsibility. They’re very different, and reframing how you think about your actions may help. Responsibility is recognizing that all of our actions have some sort of consequence, major or minor, positive or negative. But guilt is the feeling that comes from the fact that people always want things to happen the way we want them to.

Elisabeth’s expression was skeptical, almost confused. 

— What I mean is, yes, you starting your relationship did have the outcome of your brother being upset with you and trying to make you feel guilty about it. But Mathias is feeling hurt from something else, and is using this issue to take his own pain out on you, and you’re not to blame for that. Does that make sense?

— Yes, but — Elisabeth pursed her lips, and looked at Alma like she wasn’t sure what to say — How do I stop feeling so guilty, then?

Alma sat back in her chair a bit.

— Unfortunately, it is a bit of a process. But it’s one of the things I hope to be able to help you with during our time together, reframing the thinking patterns and behaviors that are causing you distress. Speaking of which, and not to change the subject, but I just wanted to ask you something. You mentioned that you were experiencing anxiety or panic attacks recently, correct? When did they start?

Elisabeth tightened her fists, digging her nails into her palm. The tissues she’d used to wipe her eyes with a few minutes ago were now crushed into a dense ball. Her jaw was clenching. 

— Y-yes. It was… Last weekend, when the worst one happened. I was in Belgium for a race with Toto. It was the first race after our relationship went public. There were a lot of people… A lot of cameras. I already hate publicity, so I was already uncomfortable, but then the reporters started asking questions about our relationship, their questions were really… Ugh, invasive. And then, one of them said something that brought up some really awful memories for me, and that’s what started it. Before I realized it, I was sitting on the floor of my partner’s office, crying. I felt like I couldn’t breathe. All I kept thinking about was how stupid and ugly I am. I felt like I was back in middle school, with other kids laughing at me, calling me…

Elisabeth had started crying again, trying to talk between sniffles and sobs. Alma fought down the urge to get up and hug the poor woman. It wasn’t as if she’d never hugged a client, but never on the first appointment, before she was sure the client wouldn’t be receptive or made uncomfortable by the gesture. 

— Calling me ugly, or fat, or stupid. I kept trying to hurt myself, scratching and punching myself, and I didn’t really realize what was happening until Toto tried to stop me. And I just felt so awful, because I made him so upset, because he was worried about me. I felt like I was ruining his life by being so fragile and sensitive all the time, and that I’m just a burden, something he needs to take care of.

Elisabeth took another tissue out of the box next to her and scrubbed at her eyes again, and wiped her nose, which had started running. 

— I’m so sorry you had to go through that — Alma said, quietly — I can’t imagine how awful that must have felt, but as I said, we can work on how to reframe those thoughts with the goal of decreasing your anxiety. But I do want to focus on that last part. The way you’ve talked about your partner, and the fact that you said he was the one that encouraged you to seek out someone to talk to, that shows me that he really loves you, that he cares about you.

Elisabeth sniffled a bit, and blew her nose again.

— Sorry about crying so much — she murmured — I honestly didn’t expect it to be this hard to talk about my feelings.

Alma shook her head.

— No, don’t worry. It’s completely normal. You’re not the first, you won’t even be my last today. This is a safe space to express whatever emotions you need to. I am concerned, though, about you saying something about you trying to hurt yourself. Have you felt those kinds of feelings at all since the anxiety attack?

Elisabeth sighed, her breath shaking a bit.

— I wasn’t doing it to myself on purpose. It was kind of unconscious, but I felt angry at myself for letting the press get to me so much, so I kind of, I don’t know, took it out on myself. I haven’t felt like that since, though.

Alma nodded.

— Okay. That’s good, but just in case you do have any thoughts or urges to harm yourself, my phone number is on the paperwork that my receptionist, Helena, should have given you. Please, call me any time, and I will answer if I can. I will not be mad. If I can’t answer, there’s also an emergency crisis line that is always open. Please don’t hesitate or feel guilty about using either number - it’s what I give them to you for, okay?

Elisabeth nodded tentatively.

— I… Okay.

Alma glanced at her watch — she normally hated to do it during an appointment, because it could make some clients feel anxious or guilty, but she had to keep on a schedule somehow. 

— Before we end our session today, I just wanted to try and see what your goals are with starting our work together. Like, what kinds of things you’re hoping for, what kinds of things you might have reservations about, or are unsure of. That way, I know before we start developing your treatment plan, and you can decide if you’d like to continue working together.

Elisabeth looked thoughtful, and leaned forward a bit.

— I guess… I want to get better. I want to be able to see myself in a positive light. I want to see what others see when they look at me, and not see myself as the same scarred teenager I was in middle school. I want to learn how to be happy with myself, so I can stop feeling so bad about myself all the time.

— Those are all good goals to have — Alma said — And what are your thoughts on going on medication, specifically anti-anxiety medication? It won’t be a magic solution, it’s just a tool that we use in conjunction with talk therapy to help, and it’s not right for everyone, but I can refer you if…

— No — Elisabeth said, shaking her head — I want to try it without, at least at first. My partner was on antidepressants for a while, when he started therapy, but he tapered off of them after a while.

— That’s fine — Alma said, with a nod — It’s completely up to you. I can answer any questions you have about them if you want to try them later on, but we will see where we get.

She glanced at her watch again.

— I am afraid we have run out of time for today, but it was really nice to meet you, Elisabeth. I am hoping that we will be able to work with each other and get you back to feeling your best. You can schedule your next visit with Helena on your way out, if you’d like to, or give the office a call if you’re not sure of when, just yet. But, I’d recommend weekly appointments at this point, if possible. We can cut that down once we start making some progress.

— Well — Elisabeth said, as she stood up — Once a week might be tricky with travel and everything, and the fact that I actually live in England. But I’m in Vienna a lot of the time, so we can play it by ear for now.

She took Alma’s outstretched hand, giving her a good, firm handshake again.

— It was nice to meet you too, Alma.

Alma watched as Elisabeth swiped a tissue at her eyes one last time, smiled, and turned around to walk out the door of Alma’s office, shutting it gently behind her. She still managed to look poised, even after falling apart on Alma’s couch. Alma stood, planted on the spot, staring at the closed door for a moment. She remembered she had another session coming up and got to work, throwing away the tissues on the couch and straightening up the cushions, and typing a few quick notes in Elisabeth’s new case file.

Alma thought back on their visit later as she worked on case notes, her tea getting cold.

Alma hadn’t been sure what to expect. She had clients that were wealthy, clients that were high-performers in their fields — all of them had different needs, different expectations that weighed on them, but she hadn’t had anyone yet that had the triple-whammy of growing up relatively wealthy, famous, and being accomplished — in her few years of practice, someone like Elisabeth was new to her. 

She hoped she could do something to help. Alma always hoped she could do something to help new clients, but with Elisabeth, she knew it would be tough, with her in the public eye. It would be a new challenge, for sure, and Alma only could hope that she was up to it. 

Dr. Alma Messner, PhD, BMASGK

Schönlaterngasse 11

Wien, Austria

Client Name: Elisabeth R. Lauda

Client DOB: 18/02/1986

Age: 30

Sex: F

Diagnosis: TBD

Date: 06/09/2016

Start Time: 17:03 Uhr

End Time: 17:58 Uhr

Background: Elisabeth is a 30-year old female. Currently unmarried, but has a long-term partner. Born and raised in Vienna, youngest of three children (two older brothers). Father is a businessman, formerly a race car driver (NL), mother is a homemaker (but was previously a model). Elisabeth works with her father, mostly in civil aviation investments. Entered into a new business partnership in 2012 and met her long-term partner as a result. Partner (TW) is a 44 year old male. He is previously married and has two children (ages 15 and 12, boy and girl). Client also has two nephews, no children of her own.

Client’s Subjective Concerns/Chief Complaint: Client has been experiencing what she believes are anxiety attacks and recurrent episodes of anxiety, including anxiety attacks. Scheduled appointment at the suggestion of her partner (TW). Her last anxiety attack was triggered by a journalist asking invasive questions about her relationship and appearance, involving inadvertent self-harm (hitting self). Client’s work does involve running into journalists. Was  Client is hoping to work on strategies for reducing anxiety and increasing self-confidence. 

Clinical Observations:  Client did not appear disheveled or exhibit any signs of immediate distress. Sat in a rigid posture, but appeared to be fidgeting as the session progressed, especially with her hands. Kept playing with a ring on her left hand. Client also spoke quickly, and sounded rather nervous, and did cry when recalling recent traumatic events. No signs of hallucinations, delusions, bizarre behaviors, or any other indications of psychotic process. Associations are intact, thinking is logical, and thought content is appropriate. Does not seem to be experiencing suicidal ideation, despite mentioning inadvertent/unconcious self-harm during recent anxiety episode. Cognitive functioning and fund of knowledge is intact and age-appropriate. Short and long term memory is intact. Client is fully oriented. Social judgment seems intact. Signs of anxiety consistent with client’s self-reported concerns. Not presently on any medications, has no previous diagnoses of mental illness. Reports experiencing suicidal thoughts and ideations during teenage years, did not seek any interventions or therapy. Did not report acting on them. 

Issues and Stressors Discussed/Session Description: Client discussed experiencing a panic attack triggered by questions from the media. Discussed history of her current relationship with her partner, and relationship with her siblings and parents. Client has recently gone public with her relationship and has been facing pressure from the media, as her partner is a somewhat notable public figure due to his job. Client reports feeling low self-esteem and self-worth, stemming from adolescence and being made fun of in school. 

Interventions/Methods Provided: Discussion of symptoms, identification and explorations of emotions, recommendation of supportive counseling. Patient is hesitant about starting medication, and recommended starting out with talk therapy/CBT for now. 

Assessment: Client’s endorsed symptoms and demeanor are all consistent with generalized anxiety disorder. It is likely that she had coped with symptoms before, but increased stress about her relationships with family and her partner have caused symptoms to become problematic. Client has not expressed active desire to self-harm, does not appear to be at risk of suicide at this time, but referred her to contact myself or emergency services in case of ideation occurring. Client does not appear to be suffering from depression. 

Plan: Client will call to schedule the next appointment (unable to make consistent appointments due to travel schedule) and we will discuss further treatment steps. Will have client start keeping a mood log to start to identify patterns in thinking. 

Next Appointment: TBD

Clinician Signature: ____________________________________

Clinician Printed Name: Dr. Alma Messner, BMASGK

[suzieb-fit]

Ok guys, here comes a bit of an essay. Yeah, from me, that's a bit scary. I rarely write one or two sentences, right?

Anyway, it's a serious subject for me (and for many other's, I'm more than fully aware).

Before I gave up refined carbs, and when I was still a believer of the whole ''reduce your fat'' nonsense, I had an ongoing issue with binge eating.

I was in good shape, yes, but it was a pretty never ending daily struggle to keep control of everything.

Then I took all of that junk away, before I then started down the lower carb/high fat superhighway. And it worked wonders for me.

Somewhere along the way, I developed my awful sleep problems. Totally unrelated, I'm pretty sure.

I have been reading a book about improving sleep quality. A few different things to try. Some of them obvious, and what most (or at least a lot of us here) already know. Dark, cool bedroom. No blue lights. Get natural light, especially sunrise and sunset. Even things like the cold water exposure (not for me, lol), no caffeine after certain times, and none right away in the morning. Etc....etc.

The one part that I am struggling with is the dietary advice. And yes, in general it makes complete sense. I get it. Plenty of fibre, pre and probiotics to improve the gut microbiome. I was totally on board. Started down that road yesterday. Upped my carbs (just more fruit and veg), and had to balance that out by reducing my fat intake.

I love fruit and veg. I was thrilled at the prospect, to be honest!

But today, on day two, I feel uncomfortable and I am fighting that binge triggering mode. It's like a different kind of fullness. And it's entirely psychological. I have noticed this before, when I was struggling with it regularly. When I start to feel too full, it makes me want to carry on. To eat more.

It's like my brain is telling me ''well, you're obviously a greedy hog, you may as well really go for it and keep going!!''. What's that about??

Hmm, anyway, that part of me is clearly still there, and I am not feeling good.

Fruit and veggies are fantastic. Eat 'em up. I would NEVER say anything negative about them at all. But for some reason they are messing me up. It's not the type of food, it's what this increase in carbs and lowering of fat seems to be doing to me personally. I ate fruit and veggies before, of course, but right now, it's the sheer volume that is causing this problem.

So I think I need to forgo this fibre drive. Or maybe I should just see it through for a week, see if it settles down?

I think I know what I will end up doing, but yeah, I'm just getting this nonsense out of my head, and showing another of those ''this is my full journey, it ain't all jumping up and down and having a fantastic day!!!'' moments, lol.

[minhoskofi]

chapter 8: switch it up

warnings: smut; edging; unprotected!sex; kitchen!sex;

word count: 1.3k

masterlist

As the first rays of morning light tiptoed into the room, you found yourself waking up in the comforting embrace of Byounggon's arms. Gazing at him, although still half-sleep, you couldn't help but feel a warmth in your chest. You planted a soft kiss on his cheek, the gentle peck stirring Byounggon awake, his eyes squinting at the intrusion of morning light. However, as they met yours, a sleepy smile played on his lips. Leaning in, he placed a soft kiss on your forehead.

"Good morning," he murmured, his voice carrying a hint of grogginess.

"Morning, handsome", you giggled as you snuggled in his warmth some more.

The morning sun filtered through the kitchen window, casting a warm glow on the surfaces. Byounggon sat on a chair, nursing his coffee, while you leaned casually against the counter, both lost in the quiet ritual of morning caffeine intake. Words could wait until after the coffee had done its magic.

As you took a sip from your cup, you sensed Byounggon's eyes on you, his gaze lingering with an intensity that caught your attention. Lowering your cup, you met his gaze, a silent question in your eyes.

"You just look… very hot in my shirt," he remarked, a playful lift to his eyebrow as he unabashedly admired your appearance.

"Oh, yeah?" you retorted equally teasing, playing along with a mischievous grin. Without hesitation, you lifted the shirt ever so slightly, revealing what lay beneath - nothing but underwear.

Byounggon's eyes widened slightly at the unexpected reveal, his gaze lingering on the sight and his breath hitched. A playful complaint escaped his lips as he leaned back in his chair, "Why are you doing this to me…" he groaned.

Leaving your coffee cup at the counter, you decided to take it a step further. Slowly, you approached Byounggon, a teasing spark in your eyes.

"I don’t know, Gon… Seems to me you're enjoying it," you teased, standing in between his legs. Without further hesitation, you playfully sat on his lap, straddling him.

Your hands started feeling your man up beginning at his stomach to his chest to the back of his neck where your fingers intertwined in the soft strands of his hair as you pulled him in gently, drawing him in closer and crashing your lips onto his. You could feel him squeezing your thighs slightly while your lips kept moving in sync with his.

Groaning, he pulled away to leave wet kisses along your jawline and down your neck. You were lost in the feeling of his lips on your skin when he suddenly nipped at your collarbone, making you gasp and cling to him.

He pulled back to look at you with a mischievous glint in his eyes, "I suppose we’re switching it up today."

Before you could fully process his words, he captured your lips again, pressing you closer to him. The kiss deepened, and a low moan escaped your lips as you felt Byounggon’s tongue intertwining with yours. The heat between you intensified, and you could feel him hardening beneath you. Unconsciously, you started rolling your hips, grinding against him, a silent plea for more.

Feeling the growing need for release, you reached down and undid his pants, freeing his hardened dick. You guided him to your entrance, slowly impaling yourself onto him. A gasp escaped your lips as he filled you completely, the sensation sending waves of pleasure through your body.

Byounggon's grip on your hips tightened as you began to move, riding him with an intoxicating rhythm. The sound of your moans and the wet sound of your bodies coming together filled the room, heightening the intensity of the moment.

As the pleasure intensified Byounggon gripped your hips even tighter, guiding your movements with an increased urgency. The sound of your moans filled the room, 'God, you feel amazing,' Byounggon groaned, his voice thick with desire, His eyes were dark with lust, his hair disheveled from your hands running through it.

Byounggon's hands roamed over your body, his touch setting your skin on fire. You could feel his muscles tensing beneath you as you continued to ride him, your bodies moving in perfect synchronization.

'Harder, baby,' he moaned against your lips, his hands digging into your hips as he urged you on. You complied, picking up the pace and grinding against him with more force.

As you marked him, leaving love bites on his neck and collarbone, a mixture of pleasure and pain washed over Byounggon. He threw his head back, exposing his neck to you, and you took the opportunity to nip and suck on his sensitive skin.

'Fuck, yes,' he groaned, his grip on your hips tightening even further. His movements became faster and more relentless, and you could feel the familiar pull of your release building inside you. 

You looked up at Byounggon with pleading eyes, silently begging him to let you reach your climax. But he only smirked and shook his head, determined to tease you a little longer.

Without a warning, Byounggon stood up with you still around him, and placed you on the counter where you had left your coffee cup. As he gently lay you on you back he reconnected your lips, quickly deepening the kiss again, his tongue exploring every inch of your mouth.

He pulled out of you and grabbed your wrists, pinning them above your head as he continued to thrust into you at a slow and deliberate pace. Your body trembled with need, your hips involuntarily bucking against his in an attempt to get more friction.

Byounggon's lips trailed down your neck, leaving a trail of kisses and bites along the way. His hot breath fanned over your skin, sending shivers down your spine. 'You're so beautiful when you're desperate,' he whispered, his voice dripping with lust. 

You could feel the edge of your orgasm approaching, but Byounggon kept pulling back every time you were close. It was both frustrating and exhilarating, the anticipation building with each passing second.

Just when you thought you couldn't take it anymore, Byounggon's lips found yours in a hungry kiss and he picked up the pace, slamming into you with a force that nearly knocked the breath out of you. He released your wrists, allowing you to wrap your arms around his neck and hold on for dear life.

You could feel your body reaching its peak, the tight coil in your stomach ready to unravel. Byounggon must have sensed it too because he suddenly picked up his pace, his thrusts becoming rougher. 

You cried out his name as you reached your climax, your body trembling and your vision blurring. Byounggon followed soon after, spilling himself inside of you with a low groan. 

As you both rode out your orgasms, he collapsed onto you, his weight pressing you into the cold counter top. You could feel his heart racing against your chest and you couldn't help but smile at how intimate the moment was. 

“That was… wow.” you whispered, running your fingers through his sweat-dampened hair. Byounggon lifted his head to look at you, a soft smile on his lips. 

“You drive me completely insane, you know that?.” he mumbled. You both lay there for a while, panting and trying to catch your breath.

You chuckled, feeling completely fucked out and satisfied, 'You're not so innocent yourself,' you teased, earning a playful swat on your butt from Byounggon as he helped you off the counter. 

Byounggon tenderly lifted you into his arms, carrying you to the sofa in the next room. The soft cushions cradled you both as he carefully settled you down, his arms wrapping around you. With a gentle touch, he brushed a few strands of hair away from your face, his eyes holding a completely different glimmer from minutes ago. "You okay?" he whispered. “Sorry if I was too rough.”

You shook your head, knowing that you had both been equally rough with each other. “No, it was amazing. I loved it.”

He smiled, kissing your forehead. “Good. But next time, I promise to be more gentle.” 

You laughed, knowing that Byounggon was always a little rougher in bed and it was just one of the things you loved about him. “I’ll hold you to that then.”

prev. next:

[j3-4n]

.• 𝐛𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐞 𝐚𝐝𝐯𝐢𝐜𝐞 •.

Things that have been keeping me going after a 2 month long binge, hope this helps someone going through a rough time with binging

Ofc this list may not help everbody, were all different, dont take advice blindly, think for yourself and reject anything you feel wont help you! 𝐍𝐨𝐭𝐞 𝐢 𝐚𝐦 𝐧𝐨 𝐞𝐱𝐩𝐞𝐫𝐭

An overveiw of my intake, wl, progress for the past few days, for reference ofc still take it with a grain of salt as your progress may look different

𝟏𝟐/𝟏𝟑-𝐜𝐚𝐥:𝟕��𝟑, 𝐰:?

𝟏𝟐/𝟏𝟒-𝐜𝐚𝐥:𝟔𝟎𝟓 𝐰:𝟏𝟑𝟗.𝟏

𝟏𝟐/𝟏𝟓-𝐜𝐚𝐥:𝟑𝟐 𝐰:𝟏𝟑𝟔.𝟔

𝟏𝟐/𝟏𝟔-𝐜𝐚𝐥:𝟏𝟒𝟑 𝐰:𝟏𝟑𝟓.𝟓

𝟏𝟐/𝟏𝟕-𝐜𝐚𝐥:𝟑𝟏𝟐 𝐰:𝟏𝟑𝟒.𝟎

𝟏𝟐/𝟏𝟖-𝐜𝐚𝐥:𝟔𝟑 𝐰:?

𝟏𝟐/𝟏𝟗-𝐜𝐚𝐥:𝟐𝟏𝟎 𝐰:?

𝟏𝟐/𝟐𝟎-𝐜𝐚𝐥:𝟒𝟎 𝐰:𝟏𝟑𝟐.𝟎

𝟏𝟐/𝟐𝟏-𝐜𝐚𝐥:𝟏𝟐𝟎 𝐰:?

𝟏𝟐/𝟐𝟐-𝐜𝐚𝐥:𝟔𝟎 𝐰:𝟏𝟑𝟏.𝟔

Once you get through even the first day, things will change, youll crave junk food less and less, untill the cravings are almost gone. Some foods are addictive and they are made to be addictive, think of it on the same level as a drug.

☆think, “ if i eat this ill eat more, and i wont stop” thats the core of what binges are really, you taste greasy, salty, suagry addictive foods and you cant get enough of them after youve had them even just once. Youll start to crave them.

☆ eating the same thing everyday, and having the same cal limit everyday ive been eating nothing but pickles and mints for the past few days, i wouldnt eat at the exact same time everyday, explained why in the next bullet vv

☆ loosening up on restrictions, ik it sounds stupid, but it works for me, basically i upped my cal limit just coming out of my binge, and lowered it slowly according to the average i was eating everyday, i still tracked my cals ofc, i didnt plan different cal limits for eatch day like a themed diet, all this because if you break one of your internal rules youll think “well todays already trashed so might as well enjoy it now and end it tmr“ and youll FEEL awful, the feeling wont leave you, so if you loosen up your restrictions especially just coming out of a binge youll lessen the feelings of guilt, and then you can just focus on eating less

☆ eating breakfast, this is gonna sound cliche, youve probs heard it a million times, but it helped me, eating even the smallest thing for breakfast can make a difference

☆ eating ( somtimes ) when im hungry, also cliche, if i felt a hunger pang ide adress it with caffeine, nic ( pls dont start nic for apetite suppressant, there are so many other options ), distractions, exercise, lots of water, and if it kept on ide eat a little bit of a low cal snack, and done!

☆ make a cute little list of dirstractions to choose from, it helps cuz yk i have poo brain, if its not written infront of me ill forget its an option

☆ convincing myself that the food i want tastes like sh1t

☆ food sabotage, a classic

☆c/s it helps with cravings but it wouldnt be my first option

☆soy sauce, savory cravings, dab some on your finger and lick it off

☆ dont watch tv/youtube while eating, when you do you chew faster mindlessly therefore feeling less full afterwards, that and as someone that had bed in the past, it gets to a point where you have a hard time enjoying youtube/tv without food so youll start craving it when watching youtube/tv. Making eating a chore helps, downlod a chewing app (i recommend chewing diet), and walk around while you eat, or sit down, just dont play anything even in the background.

▼・ᴥ・▼ ~𝐡𝐨𝐩𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐡𝐞𝐥𝐩𝐬 !!

[morning-dreadfest]

Metabolic Damage Info-Dump

This may be controversial or whatever, but if there’s one thing I hate about the ED community, it’s the need for instant gratification, or at least the need to push that standard on everyone else in the community. Everyone wants to be skinny now, whatever it takes, I swear you do not need to rush anyone else with this illness.

  And honestly, I get it. I really do. I promise.

But if you want to prioritize being thin long-term, you have to do everything you can to push past the need for instant gratification and avoid major damage to your metabolism. There are ways to repair your metabolism, sure, but there’s also a level of damage you can do to your metabolism that you just can’t come back from and honestly that’s so scary to me personally. Like the amount of people who are thin while they’re younger, like 13-25, and then really fill out as they get older is insane. It’s actually considered normal.

Article: https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/wonk/wp/2016/01/29/the-age-when-you-gain-the-most-weight/

(Note: For my fellow trans folks on HRT out there, good luck figuring out which category you fall in biologically and please for the love of god tell me when you figure it out. It’s driving me insane)

How Do I Avoid Damaging My Metabolism?

I know a lot of you aren’t gonna like the answer because I didn’t either. I hated it. I still do, actually. I feel disgusting but I also know that my method at the moment is effective, and not just in the short term. 

You have to start with high-restriction.

I’m talking like 900 cal intake minimum, and 1500 cal intake maximum depending on height, BMI, and personal, hormones, activity level, and personal preference. Personally, (and I know this makes me sound basic and like a classic trad-ana lmao) I like to use the My Fitness Pal calculation as a starting point and then tweaking details to my liking. 

And as a disclaimer, you will still damage your metabolism. There’s no part of restricting that leave your metabolism intact, but the difference is that the damage you will receive here is repairable and not permanent. 

How Am I Supposed to Repair My Metabolism?

There are a couple ways to go about this. If you’ve been in the online ED community for a while, you’ll probably have heard plenty of this already. I’ll give you guys a quick rundown of the stuff I’ve gathered, both from the community and from extensive, anxiety-induced research.

DON’T Eat more, exercise less. That starts the yo-yo dieting effect. Instead, begin by eating the same amount, but lowering exercise. Then slowly start to increase your caloric intake while also increasing your activity level.

Drink a healthy amount of caffeine, like green tea or coffee. Don’t overdo it or it will have the opposite effect

GET A HEALTHY AMOUNT OF SLEEP

Hydrate

Take an OTC Thyroid regulation supplement. For those of you who don’t know, your thyroid is essentially the part of your system that controls your metabolism. I personally look for things that have a natural/herbal active ingredient, such as Ashwagandha

Eat more fiber! Beans, produce, whole grains--

Eat more protein. Beans, meat, fish, legumes, nuts--

Manage your stress as much as you can. Take lots of time for self care, rest, even meditation or yoga if that’s something you’re into. I personally find relaxation in following yoga routines from people to whom yoga is culturally relevant, such as the desi community.

That’s pretty much all I have to say for now, but I wanted to shove this out there for anyone who’s bored and looking for a long post to read (Perhaps looking in these tags to distract from eating *cough cough*)

[lilithz8]

Would you like to be friends? 🌻

Hello everyone 🌻 I hope you're doing well today/tonight! I'm looking for like-minded people to become friends with long-term :) So, let me tell you some things about me. My name is Lilith, I'm a genderqueer individual, and I use she/they pronouns. Let's go over some other things you should know about me!

Likes...

- cooking/baking

- journaling

- enjoying nature

- creating art

- board/card games

- self development

- reading ↑

- achieving new goals

- researching topics that interest me

- philosophy

- psychology

- entrepreneurship

- spirituality

Fun fact! I'm a vegetarian and have been eating clean for a few months now ^-^

I would describe myself as...

- kind

- insightful

- ambitious

- caring

- understanding

- honest

- emotionally/mentally mature, intelligent, and responsible

If we have some things in common from above, I know that we'll get along very well!

I'm truly looking for a wholesome friendship where we can feel safe talking about our problems, our achievements, and to encourage each other to do what is best for us (self development). A healthy friendship where we both do our best to communicate effectively and in a healthy/mature way, support each other, listen to each other, and in general, have a 50/50 sorta friendship.

Although, I do have some things I do not want in a friendship. Allow me to elaborate..

‿︵‿︵‿︵‿︵‿︵‿︵‿︵‿︵‿︵‿︵‿︵‿︵‿︵‿

Deal breakers (TW - dr*gs and h@te)

- drinking

- smoking

- dr*gs

- caffeine intake

- highly processed food intake

- homophobia

- transphobia

- sexism

- racism

- ableism

- ageism

- pro terf

- anti feminism (against respect, equal opportunities, and equal rights for all genders)

- against pro choice

- emotionally/mentally immature, non intelligent, and not responsible

(Also, if you're recovering from or truly trying to lower the amount of anything on this list, you're also welcome to be my friend! As long as you're truly trying your best, that's what counts!)

(Yes, this ↑ is also saying that if you have a low intake of caffeine or highly processed foods/drinks, or you're trying to lower it, we can still be friends!)

Make sure you do not go against any of these before messaging me while keeping in mind the disclaimers I've stated just above ↑

‿︵‿︵‿︵‿︵‿︵‿︵‿︵‿︵‿︵‿︵‿︵‿︵‿︵‿

Dislikes...

- voice/video calls

- ANY type of roleplay

Disclaimer: never message me if you're bored, or just want to chat for a short time. And if you disagree or feel offended by my standards and or deal breakers, kindly do not comment or message me.

I personally do not mind anyone's age, but, if you have a preference of the ages of people you're friends with, please state that in our first conversation so there's no miscommunications!

Thank you for taking the time to read this 😊 Feel free to message/comment, and I'll get back to you as soon as I can!

[caffeine-high]

my psychiatrist is thinking about having me lower my caffeine intake even more and i dont think i can handle that tbh

[theawakenedstate]

What Is Moon Charting for real now? Moon Charting is a process where you can track your emotions and healing journey as you chart your Menstrual cycle with the Phases of the Moon. This unconventional practice has revolutionized the way I show up in Home, Business, and in Self-care. Today I’m sharing how you can get started with Charting your own cycle.

How I got Started with Moon Charting

First off this conversation is for the Ladies this week, Sorry Gentlefolk 😉 But if you want to keep reading for the woman in your life or to be more acknowledgeable about this unique practice, sure 🙂 

A few years back I was working really heavily in my healing journey, in particular, I was working a lot on healing my Throat Chakra. It was a cross between growing up as a very shy kid, people deciding for me and often being afraid to be heard. Through this same time, I stumbled across a book that was talking about the power of Charting your Menstrual cycle with the Phases of the moon. 

It was called Code Red by Lisa Lister. I was fascinated and hooked! this book truly was a gift on understanding better my intuition and divine feminine wisdom. Lisa talks a lot about the different phases of a woman’s cycle are very similar to the working phases of the Moon. Each Phase of our own cycle creates a different energy in How we Show up in each season of our lives. A lot of the book breaks it down – but the best part was trying an experiment for myself on how it really worked. So I experimented and Tried it out – for roughly six months up to a year, back to back.  This unconventional practice was completely Life-altering for my Emotional Healing and taught me a TON about Energy Management in a new way. 

The Benefits I’ve experienced with Moon Charting:

Through Moon Charting I had:  + Radical Ego Awareness + A deep Understanding of my Ebb and Flows as an Empath + Emotional Connection to myself  + Understanding of my Productivity Cycles + Knowingness of when I was high energy vs low energy which allowed me to reschedule my life/work balance accordingly.  + Deep Body Awareness and firm reconnection to my body and feminine wisdom – aka intuition increase.  This process changed completely how I show up to THIS DAY. 

It Changed How I show up By:

It allowed me to Change the way I make Content for The Awakened State

It gave me the confidence to switch to video over strict writing.(writing is full-on my comfort zone)

Change my Self-care practices and increase them.

Understand how to schedule and plan meetings/live challenges so i don’t burn out

Know what is coming up for me and Heal it immediately (gamechanger)

Have more Body Awareness which taught me to shift both my diet and Caffeine intake – resulting in lower symptoms in PMS time. 

For example, One of the hugest things was Lessening dairy and caffeine in my diet around the second half of my cycle. Don’t get me wrong – I still LOVE coffee, expresso and a good alfredo.

Above all, I noticed if I eat more fish and vegetarian-type meals around the Luteal phase(PMS time) I have fewer symptoms of PMS like bloating & anxiety due to the crash of estrogen and rise of progesterone.

I could seriously go on – (Also Sidenote: If you’ve never been aware of some of these hormonal shifts, I highly recommend checking out the App Stardust.) For instance, this app gives you a very similar practice to Moon Charting but it focuses more on keeping in touch with your symptoms vs emotions. It’s an incredible app for Moon Charting or streamlining your Moon charting. My journey into Body awareness all started with this exact simple practice, Moon Charting!

Alright, so In last week’s episode on 5 Ways to Track your Spiritual Growth, I talked a little bit about Moon Charting.

This week I wanted to talk more in-depth about the practice and why you should give it a try for yourself 🙂 

Enjoy the Episode:  >>> What Is Moon Charting? >>>

Prefer Listening? Check it out on the New Podcast: What Is Moon Charting? What do you think, Do you chart your cycle with the Moon? Would you like to try it for yourself? I’d love to hear about it in the comments! 

P.S. Want your Own Copy of Moon Charting? The Spiritual Awakened Life Digital Planner has a special section devoted to Moon Charting with a Moon Journal Included for each Month. If you’re ready to get serious on your Moon Cycling journey I highly recommend trying it out for yourself. This Digital Planner was designed with your Spiritual Life in mind, featuring an Astrology cheatsheet, Moon Journal, Daily Mental Health & Mood Tracker, Habit trackers, Daily Intentions, Goal Setting and even Visioning work for Manifestation. Now Available in the shop with Midnight Edition and Unicorn edition (Featured below) The Spiritual Awakened Life Digital Planner

https://www.theawakenedstate.net/what-is-moon-charting/

What is Moon Charting?

What Is Moon Charting for real now? Moon Charting is a process where you can track your emotions and healing journey as you chart your Menstrual cycle with the Phases of the Moon. This unconventional practice has revolutionized the way I show up in Home, Business, and in Self-care. Today I’m sharing how you can […]

[oliviawebsite]

trying to adjust to a lower caffeine intake i just feel tired as hell :c i need a beautiful woman to come to my house and give me coffee

[dabacahin]

Black coffee

“Take it slowly, Danny. No need to take this diet change too far. If you’re not suffering from GERD (gastroesophageal reflux disease), you can continue to enjoy your cup of joe every morning. So you can control your sugar and cream levels, maybe just take it black.”

— from H.’s email, September 5, 2022

As H. kindly and wisely suggested, I had black coffee for breakfast this morning. First time. Black. No sugar, no cream, no milk. No ifs or buts. Once you go black, you never go back? Ha! I might just find out starting today.

I had woken up at 7:30 feeling that same ol’ heaviness in my head, unrelated to my high cholesterol, as the doctor said. Last night, I had gone to bed early because that heaviness made me want to just lie down and sleep. And so when I woke up this morning, I thought, why not black coffee?

Can’t remember who but someone once told me that coffee eases her headache. That got stuck in my head, though it wasn’t for that reason that for most of my life I have been drinking one cup of coffee with sugar and cream every morning. Just force of habit, I guess. For most of my life that has been my daily total coffee intake.

For most of my life. Seems I’ve been using that phrase in emails and conversations quite often lately. For most of my life—as compared to what? Now? The rest of my life? Such time frames in reference to calibrated adjustments. All these tiny and often pesky tweaks I am making now because of new (or newly resurging) quirks or beyond-normal spikes in my latest medical test results. All these numbers that have prompted doctors to say, “Based on these results, you will need to do this and take that, cut down this and amp up that, to avoid adverse or lethal consequences.”

Yep, tell me about it. Results and effects. Causes and consequences. Numbers. Diagnoses. Possibilities. Treatment options. Lifestyle changes. Or what the CDC (Centers for Disease Control and Prevention) booklet on lowering cholesterol calls TLC, “Therapeutic Lifestyle Changes.” Oh yes, those too: changes. Ah, these changes. Hard to live with them, hard to live without them.

I am neither overweight nor hypertensive nor diabetic. Not a smoker, not an alcohol drinker. No GERD or acid reflux. But at my “advancing age” (oh well, let’s face it, this 59-year-old apparatus is slowly falling apart), I need to continue exploring options in healthy (low-cholesterol, low-sugar, low-salt, low-fat, low-MSG, low-delight) diet. But maybe the delight is not in what’s in my diet or how it tastes. Maybe it’s in how I respond to all these changes. Maybe yumminess is overrated. Maybe yummy is all in the head, just like this lingering vague heaviness in my head, about which I’ve been told, “If it persists, you may need to consult a neurologist.”

Ah, but before we go there, I am trying this option. Black coffee. So this morning I finally stepped out of my comfort zone of once-a-day caffeine laced with sugar and cream. And how was it? Fine. Bitter at first, but getting better with every sip. Not as delightful as the kind I have been used to, but it will do. In life, and in time, we learn to do without. We learn to surprise ourselves with every inch of new territory we explore, with every loss we learn to live with. We learn to live with the unknowns and discomforts and incompletenesses. We manage well enough.

And maybe that’s it for me for now: enough. I am not depriving myself of coffee and other goodies (hello, chicken sandwich and cheeseburger). I am not starving myself as I go full blast in my anti-cholesterol adventure. As with just about anything, I am taking it one day at a time. One bite or sip at a time.

So did the heaviness in my head ease up with my first intake of black coffee? Not really. But the pain or discomfort is no longer so palpable, so burdensome. And that is enough. I am content knowing I can take coffee, black or in any shades of brown or white, as often as I want to. I am content knowing I am neither caffeine-addicted nor caffeine-sensitive. There are worse things to be in this finite life, with this aging body.

Happy to know I can still surprise myself. I can still take some (fairly safe) risks. I can still stretch some limits. I can still revisit old pleasures. I can still discover new ones. This old dog can still learn a few new tricks. This low-maintenance life of mine can still get high on a few new (fairly safe) kicks. I am not age-proof, but I am aging OK.

Last Saturday, I was again happily browsing at a secondhand-books shop and found a slim hardcover simply titled “5.” It asks this one big little question: “Where will you be 5 years from today?” In one spread, in huge letters, it also asks: “When was the last time you did something for the first time?” I say, Today.

Yes—surprisingly, gratefully—today.