#and what about the aros who really are experiencing romantic love for the first time? now it’s uncomfy scrolling through feeds of romance

[mirokata]

I love the proud aromantic spirit going around this aromantic spectrum awareness week, but we don’t need love to loose for our happiness yknow

just like how aroallos don’t need love to win for us for their happiness (even if they might complain about it eg. “why don’t you have a partner yet”)

we don’t gotta keep saying “love loses” as if every single aromantic person out there doesn’t love love. some don’t, that’s true and valid. let me remind you of the main definition of the word: “a person who experiences little to no romantic attraction”

“little to no romantic attraction.”

it isn’t even about love in the first place, it’s about romantic attraction. there are many other forms of love out there whether we experience it or not, and some can be beautiful. so in my humble opinion, we don’t need to say “love loses” to feel confident and happy with my aromantic identity.

[allastoredeer]

Hello, don't mind me, I just need to vent for a second.

First off, I just wanna say, as an aroace person on the ace-spectrum, feel free to ship Alastor all you want. Ship him with anyone. Have fun with it. Sex repulsed. Non-sex repulsed. Grey-ace. Demisexual. Pure unadulterated smut. Whatever, have at it. I love that shit.

Just please do it without infantilizing ace-aro people.

The amount of art, fics, and takes I've come across that's so patronizing to Alastor and his sexuality. Thing's like Alastor venting to Rosie about his feelings for a character with the caption "Alastor feeling love for the first time." Or Alastor wanting to have sex with a character and having feelings about that, and someone commenting "That's called a boner, sweetheart. That means you like them 🤭"

Like??? Like do ya'll not see how patronizing that sounds? Being ace-aro doesn't mean you don't know your own body. It doesn't mean you don't understand the functions of your body.

It doesn't mean you've never experienced intense emotions. It doesn't mean you've never experienced love before.

And, look, I know these are meant to be jokes. I know. People are joking. I laughed at the first few I came across, too. It's not meant to be harmful or condescending; no one means it that way. But there's been so much with such...bad takes recently, and I don't know about any other ace-spec people (I don't speak for all ace-specs. Hell, there are probably other ace-spec's who don't mind, enjoy it, or are making content like it themselves. I just speak for myself) but GOD it's getting uncomfortable.

Alastor is in his late 30's-early 40's in human years. That is the established age range we have for him. Do you really think that he'd go that long without ever experiencing "love?" He went through puberty just like everyone else, do you think he doesn't understand his own body???

Being asexual, or sex-repulsed, or touch-repulsed doesn't mean you automatically don't explore these parts of yourself. It doesn't mean he's never, once in his life, touched his own dick, or pussy, or whatever genitalia you're giving him. He can still very well be a "virgin" (which in and of itself is a social construct) while also knowing his body and confidently handling any "sexual needs" he has.

Do you really think he doesn't know what a boner is? That in all the years he's been alive and dead (on Earth and in Hell), he wouldn't have experienced these things once? (And you know what? Maybe he hasn't! Perhaps there are ace's out there like that! But you're telling me he doesn't KNOW what that is??? Really???)

Ah, no, it's all because he just hasn't found the right person yet, right? It's not until Lucifer/Angel Dust/Vox, whoever found him, and they gave him these feelings, and oh no, poor Bambi is feeling twitterpated and horny for the first time, isn't that romantic!

Honestly, not really. It just sounds like the same, stupid shit ace-aro people hear from family, friends, and acquaintances about their sexuality. You know, the tried and true: "Oh, you just haven't found the right person yet. You'll want all that eventually, you'll see😊"

Do you not see how frustrating that is?

Look, I am all down for Alastor exploring parts of himself. I want him to navigate different relationships, feel them out, figure out what kind of relationship he wants and what he's okay and not okay with doing. But there are ways to do that without treating him like a little UwU silly baby boy who doesn't know his own body, or his own emotions, or his own relationships with other characters. Like he needs someone to teach him about himself.

How about instead, he finds someone he feels comfortable exploring these elements with? Instead of them "teaching" him how to fuck, or masturbate, or whatever the hell you want to call it, they're giving him the room and safe-space to explore it at his own pace??!!

It comes across as someone who isn't on the ace-spectrum "teaching" an ace-spec character about their own sexuality which puts such a gross taste in my mouth. Or, at least, that's how it comes across to me.

And the thing is, I know people aren't going to stop. I know they're going to keep infantilizing Alastor and his aro-ace identity, and I wasn't originally going to make this post, because you can't control what people do in fandom.

So this is mostly just a post to say: HEY! Hello! Ace-aro person here! I hope you all are having fun and I love that you're exploring Alastor's asexual/aromantic identity! Especially those who may not be in the ace-spectrum themselves, as you're learning about us and our experiences! That's awesome! Can we just do that while also treating Alastor like the adult he is? Can we do that without being infantilizing and patronizing about his sexual identity? Please?"

That's all I really wanted to say. I just needed to get this off my chest instead of letting it fester. This isn't an attack on anyone, this is just the perspective of an Alastor multi-shipper who loves exploring his relationships with other characters (sexually and non-sexually) and deep-diving into the dynamics of the show.

Thanks for reading.

[aroaceleovaldez]

thoughts on leo valdez? headcdanons? i

[stares at own url] ...I'll give you one for free, lol

Aro/ace Leo.... listen. He explicitly states that he plays up his false persona in aspects that he feels are lacking in his actual personality in an effort to make people like him more, and in his POVs we get a lot of him doing acknowledged-as-nonserious joke-flirting as part of his false persona. Guy who doesn't realize he's aspec trying to overcompensate for his lack of attraction by excessively hitting on people to hide that he doesn't feel attraction towards anyone? Him wondering if he's broken in a whole bunch of ways and trying to make up for it externally while having an identity crisis about that? Something something metaphor about him wondering if cause he's a Hephaestus kid he's a little too much like a machine/robot and can't feel love or The Right Emotions In General™ because of that cause he doesn't know about aspec stuff yet (or that he's autistic)? Can anyone hear me.

Related to that: Leo landing on Ogygia (island of unreciprocated love) and meeting Calypso, who (probably through love magic) actually seems to be attracted to him? And him trying to force himself to reciprocate because he figures that's just how it's supposed to go and maybe for once he's actually experiencing romantic love? And he's so desperate for someone to like him and to feel useful to someone (re: 7th wheel)? But it fizzles out almost immediately after they leave the island, because the heart-eyes wear off for Calypso, especially once she technically no longer needs him, and Leo can't keep up trying to make himself reciprocate (and can't keep up trying to put his mask back up for her, especially now that Calypso seems to actually care about it). I am literally always thinking about this.

Short king,,, I don't care what anybody says he is NOT 5'6" that is way too tall for him. My guy is 5'5" absolute maximum. I usually place him at 5'3". Tiny guy. Made of pipecleaners. Built like Bilbo Baggins...

I've mentioned it before in a couple of places (i know [here] at least) but I did not like his fake-out death in BoO. Also I'm just mad about his dropped character arc(s) in general. My ideal substitute is that instead of dying and being revived, Festus just crashes in the woods nearby and Leo has overexerted his powers too much a la Nico's shadow stuff and is nearly dead but once they get him to the infirmary he recovers and can start working on recovering from his whole depression arc too. Also maybe he loses a leg in the crash so he can match his dad just for funsies, and so that there's some amount of consequence to his sacrifice to make up for him not dying (not like in canon there were any consequences to him dying and being revived anyways...). Also something something accidental Hiccup HTTYD joke. Leo with a prosthetic is always fun. More Hephaestus kids with prosthetics.

I am very amused by the concept of Leo never having any romantic attraction to Hazel at all, possibly even negative romantic attraction once he finds out she dated his great-grandpa (especially since in canon like 90% of his thoughts about Hazel are just kind of appreciative and genuinely thinking she's really cool, if a little confusing at first), and Hazel pretty quickly gets over her side of things once she gets used to the fact that this is Definitely Not Sammy, he just Looks Like Sammy (and does not actually act like Sammy, that's just a fake persona that is eerily similar by coincidence. Real Leo is actually quite reserved and not so much of a vocal goofball most of the time). So they're just besties after their mutual weird Sammy vision and understanding the deeper sides to each other and are each other's person they're most comfortable letting their guard down around cause they've formed that level of trust. Except Frank's over in the corner seething cause he thinks this is a love triangle but he's the only one who thinks that. Leo just thinks Frank hates him for the general reasons he thinks everybody hates him (which is just an assumption he's kind of used to and expects from people, so he does not question it at all). Hazel knows Frank thinks Leo is trying to steal her from him but she's having trouble trying to keep the two of them from nearly killing each other. It's a very homestuck auspistice dynamic.

Leo and Frank eventually work out their stuff and become very good friends to meeee... let them bond over their mutual fear of fire and dead mom trauma! they have so many parallels and I want the two of them and Hazel to be a funky cute little trio!

Dragonkin Leo! That boy is a dragon!!!! I usually say his stuff is kind of spiritual origin (he doesn't really know how to explain it other than his soul is just a dragon) versus like Jason being a wolf therian with a more psychological origin (being raised by an immortal wolf pack rubbed off on him) (rip Piper being the only non-alterhuman in their trio LMAO). I imagine whatever type of dragon he is probably is very similar to Festus, which is part of why Leo clicks with Festus so quickly - he just sees himself in Festus and it's very comforting to him. He definitely makes himself some fun 'kin gear, like a nice weighted tail and wings and claws to try and help his phantom shifts feel a lil less wonky. Also him having dragon talon weapons just sounds cool. He also totally makes gear for any other alterhuman demigods.

[rocketturtle4]

Aceness in BL: Let’s go for a Ramble

(I made this post soon after Be My Favorite finished but shadowbanning has delayed the posting) - I'm Freeee (@plantsarepeopletoo @shouldiusemyname)

So, I’ve been thinking more and more about aceness in BL (mainly BL anyway), and to get my thought’s in order I thought I’d make a post.

This post is NOT intended as a blanket rule in literally any context. It is specifically about how 1. I frame aceness in my head based on very surface level research and my own experience and how 2. I apply that to a few characters (In BL) who, to me, have felt acespec.

This post will cover

A brief overview of how I understand the acespectrum (with reference to aesthetic, romantic and sexual attraction)

How I view demisexuality as a kind of doorway (with reference to my own deminess)

How I feel five characters (Ae from Love by Chance, Arthrit from SOTUS & SOTUS S, Kat from The Warp Effect (yes not BL but whatevs), Kawi from Be My Favorite and Khai from the Warp Effect) might fall on these spectrums. (THIS WILL INCLUDE SPOILERS)

A wrap up on acepectrum, transient identities, and labels

First Up the Ace-Spectrum!

(How I frame aceness in my head)

Aesthetic attraction = I really want to just stare at this person, they so pretty

Romantic attraction = I want to have this person with me, I want to hold them close and see them daily and talk to them about everything, also I want to cuddle and sleep together (maybe idk this is the attraction I am vaguest on)

Sexual attraction = I want to have sex with this person, I want to personally bang this person, I stare at this person and think about what it would be like to kiss them with tongue and push them against walls and have them underneath/on top of me. (This isn’t necessarily at like 100% all the time I think)

Kapish?

Romantic and Sexual attraction are both spectrums (obvs) and in my head they go from

Allo (100%) <------- to --------> Ace/Aro (0%) with the percentage reflective of how frequently you find people attractive, (I don’t think 100% is everybody all the time though).

So theoretically anyone not at 100% for either romantic or sexual attraction might identify as acespec, though I IMAGINE most people over perhaps, 30% feel attraction often enough that they don’t consider it, so for headcannon purposes I’m considering under 30% as ace or aro.

Sometimes people might consider themselves grey-ace (or grey-aro) if they fall within the more middling but still low percentages (say 15-50%,) So they experience attraction to individuals on occasion, but less frequently than typical. (But, again any label that people identify with is true for them)

Framing Demisexuality as a doorway

Demisexuality is, to me (in brief), not experiencing sexual attraction prior to the development of strong emotional/intellectual/romantic feelings (also can feel like a significant jump rather than completely 0-100, for me it’s almost like a switch on/off, but it can be gradual too)

Demiromantic people don’t experience romantic feelings for people unless there’s a strong emotional bond in place. (Same caveats as above)

The demi-doorway doesn’t automatically open the moment bonds/romantic feelings are developed, it’s simply that these feelings DON’T occur without the bond first. An alloromantic demisexual person MAY develop sexual feelings for someone they like romantically, but they also may not.

Personally, I consider myself demisexual and demiromantic because (based on 1.5 data points (data points = people), which is really not enough evidence) after bonds are formed both my romantic and sexual interest about a specific person jump up to allo. My deminess also feels tied to the way the changing/wavering of these emotional bonds also closes the door really quickly?? (So I can become abruptly not attracted to someone anymore if my romantic feelings/emotions are gone/destabilised, let me tell you it is weird to experience)

The lines around characters and actors and attraction gets all blurry too. Kind of like there’s a window in my door(s) that can be open or shut, but I can always look through it? (IDK how this metaphor is holding up)

For example, here’s some arbitrary categorites:

1. People are nice looking because everybody is nice looking (e.g., most people)

2. Aesthetic attraction (let me stare) e.g., Jean from The Warp Effect or Ayan from The Eclipse

3. Aesthetic attraction but more??  E.g., Joong (Joong is pretty, VERY PRETTY. But it’s still not really sexual attraction…I just want to stare at him…extra hard…and if he WANTED to fuck me…I mean for science…but I still don’t really WANT to??)

4. First. E.g., AM I EVEN ACE/ARO WHAT IS THIS SORCERY??

Clear as mud I’m sure.

Ace people can also dislike sex, be sex repulsed, enjoy watching, and whatever else without it emphasising or erasing their aceness, since it’s about sexual attraction to an individual more than anything else.

In a similar way you can also be sex repulsed or dislike sex or dislike aspects of sex without automatically being ace.

ALSO Demispec people may experience full (e.g. 100%) romantic/sexual feelings once the door is open without the caveats that I listed (about emotional instability) and this in NO WAY erases their aceness (or their deminess). There is also something to be said for the different ways the emotional bonds are formed/feelings are triggered. My two data points (attraction to people) were both triggered by strong intellectual connections.

ALSO acespec (which includes all aro/ace/demi people FTR) people can have gender specific (or non-specific) orientations as well (e.g. homoromantic asexual or aromantic pansexual or even biromantic bi-grey-ace).

Examples from Thailand BL/QL in my headcannon

I’m only talking about allo/ace/demi here, no gender-(non)-specific orientations.

Ae (Love By Chance) alloromantic demisexual (through the door 100%)

Ae is, I think, a pretty classic example of the most common view of demisexuality. He experiences romantic feelings for someone (idk if it’s the first time for this) and then slowly realises he’s sexually attracted to said person and goes a bit crazy because he doesn’t quite know what his feelings mean because he’s never experienced them before and, well, he’s a horndog (I love Ae and this depiction for the record) his demisexuality is absolutely a gateway to 100% sexual interest!

Some signs of his aceness might include his lack of interest in sex as commented on by his roommate and his confusion over the feelings he’s experiencing for the first time because they’re outside of his frame of experience. Also his sexual feelings seem to take a while to develop, after his crush has begun.

(I’m much less certain about romantic orientation here because we don’t know if he’s had crushes before (without wanting sex) and also he’s only 18, so even if he hasn’t doesn’t mean he’s arospec)

Arthrit (SOTUS & SOTUS S) Alloromantic demisexual (but different!!)

Arthrit seems alloromantic, in his previous feelings for his childhood friend and his clearly developing romantic feelings for Kong.

Arthit’s aceness is less clear cut than Ae’s because even after he develops sexual feelings (through the demidoor) he doesn’t experience allo sexual attraction as strongly as someone like Ae. I found a lot of his reactions to the relationship ups and downs in SOTUS S were very relatable (and prompted my first ever long post lol click for way more info on this) because of how Arthrit’s desire for sex (or sexual touch) seem to waver with the relationship stability. This is not about being uncomfortable with Kong exactly, but more about how even after they’re technically on an even keel and Kong’s sharing his bed and apartment, Arthit still seems uncomfortable with some of his sexual advances. While LATER after they’ve properly talked about it, he goes back to leaning into Kongs space and making flirty eyebrows.

So his deminess kind of means his aceness is variable even through the demidoor, like the door is wavering between open and closed. But it also doesn’t ever feel like his romantic feelings for Kong waver, just that the unstable grounding of their relationship boundaries lead to emotional instability which effect his sexual interest.

(Because I will take every excuse to use my Arthrit screenshots)

Kat in The Warp Effect (aromantic allosexual)

Honestly, Kat being Aro seemed basically canon during my viewing of The Warp Effect. She shows essentially no evidence of romantic feelings for anyone the whole series. (Though obvs people can want and have sex without wanting relationships and not be aro)

While Kat later tells Alex that she likes him (and tells Jean too) I don’t really feel like this mucks with the head-canon for a few reasons:

Kat is shown to be pretty monogamous when in sexual relationships with people even as she want’s no strings (she tells Alex he’s the only one she is currently having sex with (I think), she later tells Captain Asshole this and then later tells Tony this).

Thanks to Captain Asshole she begins to feel unsafe with the way she lives her life.

She initially wants to commit to Alex as the person she is most comfortable with, but we are not really shown any evidence of romantic feelings, just a desire for commitment.

She seems to reach a similar sort of balance with Tony in the OG Warp Timeline, but there still (to me) isn’t really evidence of romantic feelings

Aro people can, after all, want a committed and/or monogamous relationship.

Kawi in Be My Favorite (Alloromatic Asexual (not Demi IMO))

The reason I think he’s ace rather than demi is more about the language he uses even after he’s in love with Piseang (please see my thoughts about ace-kawi coding in ep 10 for more details if you're curious). Even after this wasn’t made explicit by the narrative, I stand by my thoughts around his lack of interest in sex in general. (As well as the coding in ep12 of him trying the rollercoaster and not liking it). It didn’t really feel to me like he gained sexual feelings for Piseang (unlike the vibes I personally got from Arthrit even if they wavered), more than he tried sex and enjoyed it enough to participate again in the future because he loved and felt comfortable with Piseang.

If you feel ambivalent about playing tennis, but your partner really likes playing tennis than maybe you make a point of playing tennis regularly even if it’s not something you’d think about doing on your own, because playing tennis with your partner is fun you know?

Of course, if tennis makes you feel icky, or really bored, you many not ever want to play it even if your partner enjoys it.

Khai in Theory of Love (demiromantic allosexual)

So Khai is my most recent addition to this post given I just finished ToL but he was so demiromantic it crushed me into pieces so he gets to be included! ways Khai feels demirom:

His confused realisation of feelings when he talks to his Phi at the beach.

He likes to keep things uncomplicated with the girls he’s seeing because he doesn’t do relationships.

He actually tries to take his relationships seriously but just never really seemed to genuinely want the romance.

Even after he realises he has romantic feelings for Third, when he returns back to him (after the beach reflection) he notices his sexual attraction more easily than his romantic feelings.

His confusion over how much he hurt when Third seemed to be choosing Un over him, and how it was the first time he realised how much Third must have been hurting because he’d never felt like this before.

The entirety of Ep12 with Third telling Khai what he feels isn't love (because Third has seen time and time again that Khai hasn't loved anyone before). Khai's attempts to prove himself even though he really understand what loving someone means, even as he follows his emotions, and tries hard to be “better” for Third because he does love Third, he chooses Third, he changes for Third, he cries for Third.

He also curls up in his room watching romantic movies for multiple days because Third tells him that what he's feeling isn't love and if it isn't then what is?)

Very relatable and also owie ouchie my brokenness feelings.

Lack of data points makes it tricky:

There are probably lots of other characters that COULD fall into a-spectrum, (just as there are reasons why these characters might not) but the thing I find the trickiest to navigate (for my headcanons) is lack of data points. Most characters in BL are in highschool/college, and this, combined with a desire for lack of messiness in story structure, means characters are often experiencing feelings ‘for the first time.’ Long term pining, childhood crushes, and first attraction to the same gender, all come into play and make evidence muddy and lacking a concrete foundation, from which to draw conclusions.

We can’t ask characters about their preferences, previous feelings, levels of emotion etc. so in my opinion conclusions can’t be drawn, only inferences made.  

I don’t have a problem with anyone headcannoning these characters as not acespec.

I don’t have a problem with anyone headcannoning other characters as acespec.

Identities, Transience and Labelling

In discussing this post and my own framework with a couple of people I wanted to add a bit more of my personal experience with the ace label and the ace spectrum. Because the thing about both ace-ness and allo-ness is that they’re not equal all the time. Some people experience sexual attraction first or more frequently and may only experience romantic feelings later or less frequently. Some people feel romantic attraction before sexual, but only sometimes and sometimes people feel both at once and straight away, or both at once but only later on…

The romantic and sexual attraction spectrums are spectrums that everybody exists on and in existing on a spectrum some people have a firm placement and others a shifting one.

People who are ace-identified are typically those who have felt meaningfully different from their peers in the level and/or frequency of experiencing any sexual attraction and/or any romantic attraction and whose attraction is close to zero for one or both of those spectrums. They have thus sought out explanations for their difference and found the ace labels. Demi-ness, on either spectrum, then relates more to the way emotional(/intellectual) bonds, positive or negative, directly impact your ability to feel romantic or sexual attraction.

In the context of TV, for me, it’s picking up a photo of a character you love and being confused when they don’t seem right anymore. Its looking at a cast of beautiful humans and not really feeling anything but awe at their acting. It’s forgetting that characters were shirtless until the gifs show up on your dash the next day. It’s reading the definition of chemistry and not really understanding what it means. It’s not realising that there’s a difference between kisses where the lips move and kisses where they don’t because the way the characters talk and stand and stare means so much more. It’s so many things until you must notice because what you’re seeing and noticing and caring about is just…not the same as the things other people are seeing, noticing and caring about.

In the real world it’s messier, because aceness is sometimes framed as only 0%. Experiencing emotions outside of 0% can make the label feel hard to keep, or wrong or mismatched:

My 16-year-old-self called herself Asexual and was relieved to have found a reason why she felt so weird, even if it didn't quite fit right.

My 18-year-old-self called herself maybe-bi because both boys and girls can be pretty to look at, and this must be what crushes are right?

My 20-year-old-self called herself Asexual again (even though it still didn't fit right) because she’d tried things with one of these apparent crushes and it just felt…weird.

My 22-year-old-self called herself maybe straight afterall because she dreamed about kissing someone for the first time and that person was a boy.

My 24-year-old-self picked up demisexual and clung to it like a lifeline because why else would her attraction just be…gone. Was I broken?

My 25-year-old-self discovered demiromantic was also a label and felt like things finally made sense.

But what’s important to know is that at no point between finding the asexual label at 16 to finding the aromantic label at 25, was I not aro/ace. And that if I had settled on a non-aspec label after any one of my identity-questioning experiences, it wouldn’t have made me a liar at any age or negated the experience of other aspec people in any way.

Because what my 25-year-old-self now understands is that labels aren’t there to put you in a box and squeeze you into shape, nor are labels there to lay across your shoulders and weigh you down with their expectations.

The labels are a lifeline, a hand reaching out, a voice whispering in the darkness…

You are not, and have never been alone.

So, for me at least, to label characters as this or that, is not to box them in, instead it is pointing and gasping, look, look, that one is like me…or maybe, look, look, that one is like you.

When a character acts the way I would, thinks the way I would, talks the way I would I am again reminded that,

I are not, and have never been alone.

So please, label away, I don’t mind if we pick different labels. I just like that I can share my labels with you. 

[the-pea-and-the-sun]

how did it take me so long to start calling myself aromantic/arospec. like now that ive actually started using the term for myself its so crazy to me that i wasnt using this term since the first time i heard about it. i literally remember like almost a year ago being like "i wish i could just call myself aromantic itd just be a way easier way to explain to people the sort of relationships i want since im interested in sex and really close friendships but not really interested in traditional romantic relationships right now" like my brother you CAN?? jesus fuck. like this thought came aftera series of relationships where i would tell my friends that i had a crush on someone, then the relationship progressed in someway, then i got the sense that the person i was interested in had romantic feelings for me and id get this weird horrible feeling and would run away. and i was literally like "what is this whats going on". i was like woah this must be like.... commitment issues or something. like i was going around telling people that. i was getting over commitment issues that were surely temporary. but they werent asking me to commit to anything they just had feelings for me that i couldnt reciprocate bcz i was just attracted to them and wanted to me friends with them and i thought thats what romantic attraction was. i literally remember telling someone abt someone i liked an they were like "why dont u ask them out?" an my answer was just that i was trying to find reasons not to and i couldnt. cuz i was attracted to them and liked spending time with them and liked being their friend but i was so so happy not being in a romantic relationship anymore and i couldnt shake the feeling that if i got into another one even with the perfect person it was literally gonna ruin my life and i would have to pretend to have feelings that i didnt have.

idk im frustrated that i hadnt considered it sooner but its also kinda exciting to discover something abt urself an ur sexuality. like this label brings me the same joy that other labels that ive discovered fit me do like i feel like how i felt when i came to terms w being trans an being bisexual. i feel like im 13 again finding trans and bisexual youtubers and being like "??? there are others?" like ppl dont talk abut it as much w being aro and ace bcz those are defined by the absence of a feeling rather than the presence of one but it really can be just as exciting to find out that you're aro or ace as it can be to discover that you're a lesbian or gay or transgender or something.

like not to be cheesy but discovering that i could just. have friends and also have sex made everything kinda click in my head for me. like literally i felt like a more complete person. experiencing that and realizing like. oh. this is amazing this is literally all i want like nothing is missing. i literally just dont have to do romance stuff like no ones making me do that why did i think i have to do that. like oh my god this is such a good feeling i really can do whatever i want forever.

this post doesnt rly have a point exactly i just kinda have a lot of feelings to get out. i love you aromantic ppl i love being aromantic it fucking rules actually. every aromantic person whos posted abt their experience an helped me get comfortable w the label i owe u a hundred billion dollars jesus christ i love you guys

[the--highlanders]

can I just say thank you for writing ace twojamie fic!! I'm aroace and I genuinely thought this ship would be too obscure for that to exist but I'm so thankful I was wrong and it was amazing fic btw -you're a great writer!!

oh man thank you!! I know I say this every time someone says something remotely nice about unsorted but I really am always taken aback by how well it was received and how many people seem to like it <3

but I totally get what you mean about aro/ace fic being hard to find in fandom. like, I don't think I've ever had a major ship where I haven't read them as ace in some way, and yet even in far bigger fandoms I've struggled to find fic where the characters are ace. (to the point that I have opened fics in a haze of excitement only to realise I missed the red flags in the tags and it's actually just an aphobic joke :///) & I imagine the romance-heavy focus of fandom makes looking for aro fic even worse.

two and jamie have just always seemed to me like a ship that is. not very allo in any respect, tho. I definitely remember seeing a post interpreting them as queerplatonic soon after I first watched two's era (would link it, but this was like 2015 and I have no idea where I saw it or if it's even still kicking around). at the time I was kinda on the fence about shipping them and I was like, yeah, that makes total sense to me actually. even tho I obviously eventually shifted into reading them as romantic personally, I would still happily vibe with interpreting them as queerplatonic, bc the most important thing with them as characters is that they're together in a partnership, whatever form that takes. & over the last couple of years I've also really started to toy with two not exactly experiencing romantic attraction like humans do (which I'll admit is kinda influenced by my own inability to distinguish/define romantic attraction), so maybe re-injecting some arospec vibes? idk. & I've been hcing them as ace for so long that I don't even really have a reason or justification for it, that's just. how they are, in my head.

despite the size of the fandom and the ship tho I do know there's a handful of people who DO read them as ace. which probably says something about classic who fandom demographics gjkd. but also is such a refreshing vibe for me compared to other fandoms I've been in or read for. peace & love on planet earth etc etc

[smolbeanie1221]

Being aroace spec can be so confusing

My first relationship was with a girl, and I kinda just went along with what she wanted to do bc I figured, well she’s enjoying it so I must be enjoying this too… I didn’t mind anything we did, I just didn’t care or think about it.

Second relationship was with a guy, and at this point my mom had made me feel incredibly guilty for having been with a girl before, joys of being afab in a religious family and the first person you date is a girl. And he was… definitely pushy. Again tho, I just went along with it bc I figured, well he wants to do this and I just have to be bi so there’s a chance I’ll be a normal girl and end up with a guy someday so I have to be enjoying this too… Yeah I definitely was feeling a lot of pressure there.

At this point, I had not felt actual sexual attraction towards anyone, and I don’t think I was ever romantically in love with either of those people.

Third relationship was with a guy who was also one of my best friends. We were kinda dating for a summer and it was a better relationship than the previous, but in the end we went back to just being friends and it was better that way.

At this point, I’m very confused, but I discover this wonderful thing called ASEXUALITY. And everything suddenly made sense. Except for one small thing.

Fourth relationship that never actually became a relationship. I was in some type of love with a different best friend, I would say demi/sapio-romantic (romantically attracted because of both an emotional and mind connection basically). But he was definitely aromantic, but allosexual. I was romantically attracted to him, but asexual… right??? For years I was confused because I wanted an actual official relationship and I would’ve been more than okay with sleeping with him. But… that can’t be sexual attraction?? I’m ace?? Right?? Ahhhhhh. Yeah so I was very confused around him. Turns out, I’m actually demi-ace, but I didn’t realize that until years later after I lost contact with him, and I’ve been too scared to reach out to him lol. Anyways I have a gf now anyways. And that’s been the only time that the demi part of my ace-ness has come out, pun intended lol.

Actual fourth relationship. Definitely romantic and completely non-sexual. Really good relationship for over a year, and that partner helped me become more comfortable with my gender identity and we both were ace and it was really good for a while. It just wasn’t a relationship that was built to grow, so eventually we drifted apart.

Fifth relationship. A non-romantic and non-sexual relationship. Lasted less than a year, but made me realize that I was also aro spec bc being in a relationship that did not have romantic or sexual expectations felt so comfortable and right.

Sixth relationship. The one that broke my heart. My other best friend in that time frame, we were incredibly close and bonded over everything, from our mental health struggles to books to sheetz runs to everything. Eventually we officially were boyfriends in a qpr. They were my number one person for so long, my life partner. There was never anything romantic or sexual, but we loved each other deeply. Until life happened and they changed and I had to break up with them and got my heart broken.

All of these took place from late middle school to early college by the way. I went from, oh I’m a girl and I like girls! To, shit I can’t like girls so I have to like boys too bc I have to be bisexual at least. To, ohhhh so I can actually not want to sleep with people and that’s normal too?? So I’m nonbinary and asexual? That makes sense. To, why why if I’m ace would I be more than okay sleeping with him??? To, huh i think I’m aro spec too. To, okay I’m definitely aro spec, probably demi-aro technically and… probably demi-ace too? Yeah that’s probably right.

At the same time, I didn’t feel as tho romantic was necessarily the right word for me. I mean I’ve experienced romantic attraction I think, but it usually felt kinda forced by either my partner’s expectations or by society’s expectations. I think that’s why my non-romantic non-sexual relationships felt so comfortable to me, bc there wasn’t any of that expectation. I have no freaking idea what romantic attraction really feels like to me. I’ve experienced it I think (??), but for several reasons including outside expectations and general-emotional-processing-issues at those times, I have a hard time knowing any emotions I was feeling at that time in my life. The “butterflies” and “spacey eyed” and “gooey lovey” feelings I felt could’ve been romantic, sure. But they could’ve also been someone who was heavily emotionally repressed all their life just being happy to have someone that they loved who loved them back and getting excited over how cute they were and enjoying their rambles and just generally being happy with someone and also liking some physical contact like hugs and cuddles bc physical touch is their love language with everyone and they like hugs with everyone they care about, and it wasn’t necessarily romantic…..

I get a similar feeling to “butterflies” when I’m nervous about something or excited to see someone in my family I haven’t seen for a while bc I love them and am excited and happy. Not necessarily a “romantic indicator”. I get “spacey eyed” all the time, and usually it’s bc I’m obsessing over my latest fanfic idea. Again, not a “romantic indicator”. I get “gooey lovey” feelings when I see an adorable animal, when someone in my family or close friend group does something really sweet for me or I’m really happy to see them or I get a hug from anyone I love. Once again, not a “romantic indicator”.

Because of all this, I have settled on alterous as my general term for the type of attraction I have with people I have or wanted to date. Alterous to me means this: “I want to be with you and talk with you and do everything with you, I just don’t care how it looks for us or how we categorize ourselves.” I would also attach romance-inclined or sex-inclined as a prefix type thing when applicable. Fourth relationship that never actually happened? Sex and romance-inclined alterous. Fourth actual relationship? Romance-inclined alterous. This doesn’t actually mean that I will feel romantic or sexual attraction or interest or desire with someone, but I may be inclined to want aspects of that type of relationship and I might have those actual feelings from time to time.

The partner that I have now, seventh relationship for those counting lol. This relationship feels stronger and better than any that I’ve had in the past. There’s no pressure or expectation about sex, and she knows that I’m on the aro spectrum, so there’s no romantic pressure either. At the same time, I love the romantic type aspects we have, but I can’t with any certainty say that my feelings are romantic, or at least not romantic all the time. But I feel about her differently than I have about anyone else. There’s several possible reasons, but one main thing I think is that I’m now in a healthier place emotionally so I can better feel and process all my emotions, including my feelings towards her.

Anyways, at this point I would say I’m aroace spec. Demi-altrose (alterous, romantic, sexual).

[rerinko]

May have slight grammatical errors. I'm going over it soon!

On Comphet, Compallo and Biphobia

Since writing my last essay I've had the pleasure of being exposed to some great questions that got me thinking. If the root of comphet is about not liking men and being in a patriarchal heteronormative society wouldn't Asexual or Ace/Aro women also experience comphet. When I first heard this, I thought it was very interesting and brought up a very good point. As I thought about it more, the one thing that came to mind about why their experience wouldn't exactly line up with comphet was comphet along with being about the lack of attraction to men and living in heteronormative patriarchal society is about lesbiphobia and the demonization of lesbians and lesbian relationships. Luckily I was able to hear the perspectives of a few ace lesbians but also a few non lesbian ace/aro people. They brought up a term that I hadn't previously heard of before “compallo”. Compallo is the compulsion to feel romantic or sexual feelings. The difference between comphet and compallo is that compallo is rooted in the compulsion to have romantic feelings while comphet is the compulsion to be heterosexual. Because we live in a heteronormative society, people who experience compallo will most likely “choose” to be in a heterosexual relationship or fake heterosexual romantic feelings. On the other hand I as a lesbian would experience comphet but not compallo. Although I am forcing myself to have romantic feelings when I don't it's rooted in being a lesbian not being asexual. It may seem similar but it's not the correct term to label my experience or other allosexual lesbians experiences.

I think the struggles of asexuals often get looked over. As I've been exposed to more asexual people and their experience I learned about things I would have never realized on my own. Asexuals are taught they're broken for not experiencing romantic or sexual attraction. We're taught romantic and sexual feelings are natural which is true the majority of people do have sexual attraction and that's completely okay. What's true at the same time is that there are people who don't. They're not broken, they don't need to be fixed and they're not making it up for attention.

I see a lot of people debating on the topic if asexuality should be a part of the LGBTQ. In my opinion if any group feels safe, feels seen and can relate to the queer experience they should be considered a part of the community. Who alone can really decide what's queer or not. Asexuals are considered broken and strange by society and what could be more queer than that. I think rather than trying to gatekeep who can call themselves queer we should focus on supporting queer people and validating our different experiences.

I also have seen people talking about why do we even need these terms and distinctions in the first place? My personal belief is we need certain terms to describe unique experiences because they summarize a complex topic within a word or two. Instead of having to explain my feelings of comphet I can simply say I experience comphet and people will understand what that means. Terms like comphet or compallo aren't meant to separate and categorize queer people but instead to highlight unique experiences of certain groups. Focusing on one group's issues doesn't make other issues less important. Saying comphet is a lesbian unique experience doesn't downplay the experience bisexual women have in a heteronormative society. As I've said before bisexual women and lesbians share the pain and pleasure of loving women but bisexual women don't understand the pain of not liking men. Even if you lean towards women you are still bisexual and you still can experience sexual attraction towards men. Lesbians never will have that option. For me coming to terms I didn't like men was harder than coming to terms with the fact I liked women's Bisexual women also go through their own unique experience lesbians don't go through. As someone who has never dated men I have never gone through all of the difficulties of dating men as a queer woman. I also can't relate to the biphobia bi women may experience from people within their own community.

I want to be 100% clear that bisexual women aren't any less queer than lesbians and they are a very important part of the queer community. I also don't want to diminish the biphobia they experience. No matter if a bisexual woman is in a straight or a lesbian relationship they're still bisexual. I know the statistics that bi women are disproportionately victims of domestic violence and sexual assault. Bi women have their own experience and lesbians have their own experience and both can relate to each other while realizing they live two different experiences.

If anyone is ace/aro I would love to hear more about your experiences. A lot of this information is new to me. If you feel like I misrepresented something don't be shy to reach out!

[cardentist]

Context: [Link 1, Link 2]

this is something that’s been lost as common knowledge both since the drop off of anti-ace discourse and directly Because of it ever having been a thing in the first place, but in light of recent published bigotry pointed at aspecs (aces And aros) gaining attention I think this is something that bares emphasizing:

this reaction isn’t new, it’s something we’ve seen from conservatives for decades now.

a commonly accepted talking point is that conservative christians Must love aspec people, because they represent the theoretical ideal of abstinence. it’s something that I see even from spaces that Aren’t using it as a weapon against aspecs, and in a vacuum it makes sense as an Assumption.

but the thing it misses is that conservative christians do not think asexual and aromantic people Are Real. when they idolize abstinence it’s as a great sacrifice that one makes to defeat the Universal Demon Of Lust. and, more importantly, It’s Something That’s Supposed To End. you’re Supposed to get into a nice heterosexual christian marriage and have lots of little babies that you take to your nice heterosexual christian church, repeated ad infinitum.

and moreover, both christians and popular society In General see our ability for romantic love as The Thing That Makes Humans Human.

so you introduce the concept of people who Don’t experience either of those things and you get two reactions.

1: horror. the “this is a mental/physical illness that desperately needs to be fixed” approach. the idea is monstrous or pitiable but always revolting. they Believe that you live this way, but they don’t believe that it’s something that a “normal” human being could experience or that it’s something that someone could be Happy experiencing.

2: Suspicion. they don’t believe that asexuality or aromanticism Is Real, therefore it Must be a coverup for something even more revolting than is being lead on. it’s not unlike the idea that any feminine or non-threatening trait in a guy (Any guy) is Really just him trying to lure women into a false sense of security by Being seemingly non-threatening, and is therefore even More suspicious as a potential threat.

we’ve Always seen “well if he doesn’t want to fuck humans then I’ll Bet He Wants To Fuck Something Else” and pedophilia accusations/implications. they don’t see aspecs as Pure and Holy, they see them as a threat either to their understanding of what humans can be or as a wolf in sheep’s clothing trying to get away with something.

this is hardly even the first time that aspecs have been presented this way in published news articles or tv. the difference is that public awareness of asexuality and aromanticism has shifted, and with it the bigotry that was always there is being amplified.

that said, I think it’s important to emphasize that this isn’t new, considering the history of erasure ace and aro people have experienced when trying to talk about said bigotry.

I don’t necessarily think this post needs “evidence” (especially with the fox news article already linked above), but for the sake of illustration lets turn back the clock to 2015 for one of the examples I have saved [Link]

[astorichan]

soooo like bug romance right?

I have literally never thought of bug game in romantic terms, especially not between the higher beings

It’s always been a lot of…familial bonds, and how they’re messed with/exploited

But

you seem to have bug romance on the brain

and I wanna know

I wanna know how that recontextualizes this game

please

I’m so sorry for bothering you so much your rambles are just so cool

bug romance hehehehe

i kind of went in with the same view: came for the sibling dynamics between Hollow & Ghost (mainly) + Hollow & PK family dynamics. Then I happened upon a single line in another fic that ripped my heart out and sent me into a recontextualisation night-long spiral. (misread the tags on it, oop) The line was "And it felt terribly alone without her." Hollow @ Radi.

So yeah, that was the first ship I got into. It resonated with me very hard due to some history, so I was able to really... care about it and the dynamics at play. (my aro ass needs to get very invested to ship characters lol)

BUT enough intro, let me actually ramble:

RadiHollow is the first of my two ships. It's based on several factors, first of them being that those two spent an indefinite (I personally headcanon 300-400 years) amount of time completely isolated from the world. Alone with only each other for company. We know that Radi is horrible at loneliness, her history/the entire thing with Higher Beings requiring worship to live alludes to it a lot: the whole reason the infection broke out was that she'd been forgotten by the moths. Left behind. Left alone. The next factors are my own view of their characters. Radi as I write her is an extremely self-centered person, incapable of ever admitting any fault, incapable of ever being wrong, incapable of ever not being in control. She's manipulative and very emotionally abusive in an... insidious, "you just can't appreciate my love", way. So not "hehe torture fun". Hollow is someone who never viewed themself as a real person. Their feelings, wants, thoughts are not important. They have not experienced kindness for who they were. They also tend to blame themself for anything bad that happens. Couple those two in complete isolation (which, isolation is one of the first steps an abuser will take to gain control over their victim), with Radi showing Hollow genuine kindness despite their failure, despite them being her enemy, despite everything. She has an "I will fix you" mentality; she sees them as a poor, downtrodden person who only needs to be loved enough to fall on her side. To see that she was right all along. They hate each other, of course. They want to watch each other burn. They want to burn together. Radi wants to enter the new dawn together with them. They want to go down in flames together with her. They hate her, but the kindness makes it hard to only hate her. She hates them, but their empathy and responsiveness, their presence and pushback make it hard to only hate them.

Grollow is the second one, and it has direct relation to all the stuff I've said up there. I headcanon Grimm and Radi as siblings (""? as much as beings of pure magic can be siblings. their relationship is definitely familial), which means that Grimm is very intimately familiar with all of Radi's antics: the gaslighting, the manipulation, the blame-everyone-around, the disregard for his feelings, the blindness to what her love does to him. He's someone that understands Hollow, post-Radi. He's someone that knows what they've gone through. He's someone who's had similar experiences and had time to heal from them. He's someone who hates watching them suffer at her hands. And he's someone who sees them for the absolute mess that they are, knows most of what Radi could've done to them mentally and is willing to stay by their side. And somewhere along the way, they fall for each other. Somewhere along the way, Hollow grows comfortable with showing themself, with being themself. They stop clinging to their history with Radi, they grow past their (frankly, awful) learned responses. They realise just how much he's done for them, and they want to be the best version of themself, to be his support - if he will let them. He draws out the best in them. They draw out the best in him. They're mirrors of each other. They're pillars of support for one another. They're both willing to do anything for each other. Even if that anything is growing past spiteful pride and unwillingness to admit to fault. Even if that anything is opening up your heart to a potential knife, dropping a mask of playfulness and detachment, showing the vulnerable skin underneath.

My two ships. Proudly waving them around. There's more stuff to Grollow, namely PVxGrimm pairing (so, pre-Temple). Moon expands on that a bit (I think it's in the already posted chapter, even) and Dreams has it because of shared interests, shared character traits and, again, Grimm's unwillingness to coddle them or evade them for any reason. Means a lot to them.

WHAT DO YOU MEAN SORRY don't you sorry me /lh I'm so glad for the opportunities to talk about my stuff. I love sharing my thoughts, headcanons, anything connected to the creative process honestly. It's a special kind of heartwarming. So no sorry, thank you for asking!

[talkingattumble]

oh no another post about something I like

okay here goes

So most people think that, in ace attorney, wright and edgeworth or shipped together due to like. Being two young men in the same franchise. But there’s a whole bunch of other stuff and I have made a handy dandy list of the main reasons, because I love making lists. Also for my non AA fan viewers after reading this list how gay would you say they are? Curious how this looks from an outside view. Okay list time

- well I’m going to be bringing out the big guns first and saying they they’re the only AA characters to have matching wedding rings as their merch (every other character got necklaces)

- edgeworth is noted by the creator to apparently not be interested in women, and also apparently finds phoenix attractive (in a romantic way)

- phoenix changed his entire career and centered his life around meeting edgeworth

- art for ace attorney was done by kumiko suekane, who not only used to write BL but also was very adamant on phoenix and edgeworth being the same/similar age

- that line. Yknow the one. In the first trial where edgeworth makes an appearance, he has a talk with phoenix anout how seeing phoenix again has given him “unnecessary…..feelings”. That’s the quote. It’s gayer in the game.

- edgeworth is noted by gumshoe to repeat phoenixs name for some reason??

- the uh. One game where phoenix calls edgeworth daddy. That was something.

- other gay lines, I csnt include them all but I highly recommend experiencing the games firsthand.

- the second game was purposefully written to make it seem gay. Not like actually, most queerbaiting, but hey.

- the voice actors for the English AA dub have tons of bloopers where they just mess around, and a bunch of that is just them ammong jokes about edgeworth and phoenix being gay

- apparently there’s something about a really gay looking piece of official art? I haven’t seen it nor do I know what it is but I do see it mentioned a lot so. Thought I’d put it down here because it could be significant, what with the artist being a former BL writer.

Alright that’s all the reasons I can think of for now. I also find it important to mention that many people also headcanon edgeworth as being aromantic and/or asexual, which is also an interpretation I like, but that’s another topic and would make a shorter list (in fact, I’ll list the main reasons right here: he’s said to “not want to marry a woman”, he isn’t swayed at all by the attractive women in court when even the judge is, and is the kind of guy who’s “married to his work”, as they say).

Anyways I’ll add a poll too for fun.

Wow that’s a lot of options, even though my posts aren’t really seen by anyone. Still had fun with it though. And that’s what matters.

[guardian-of-gotham]

//Filled out a questionnaire by my lovely mutual, Kirby, earlier in my hiatus, and I finally decided to post it. Also, there are NSFW themes in the Sexuality section. I've colored milder answers in orange and more potentially uncomfortable ones in red.

-- Appearance

001. Do they have any scars?

Yes, several. Most from before the Batsuit actually served as armor, when his dealings with Gotham's mobs saw him stabbed and shot repeatedly. And yet it still took a kid insisting on joining him for him to realize he should sacrifice some mobility for a more durable fabric.

002. Do they have any tattoos/piercings?

No.

003. What is their natural eye color?

Steely blue.

004. Do they wear contacts to change their eye color?

Not unless in disguise.

005. What is their natural hair color?

Black.

006. Do they dye their hair?

Not unless in disguise, and a wig is not an option.

007. Do they keep their hair long, short, or in between?

He's had the same short, combed back side part since he was a child.

008. What does their clothing style look like?

He dresses as formally as appropriate on any occasion. If he's going for a real casual look, he might wear a vest without a jacket or forgo outerwear entirely. No tie and leaving a couple buttons open at the top of his shirt is a popular go-to for a particularly laid-back date night.

009. Do they dress in “the norm” for their gender presentation?

Kind of? He dresses more formally than most men, and there are some common items of clothing he never wears, but his outfits are all still masculine, even if they sometimes get a bit too fancy to be considered normal. Also, he wouldn't be entirely opposed to wearing more feminine clothing if it was part of a disguise he knew he could pull off or if a partner expressed interest in seeing him in a particular garment/outfit.

010. Do they wear any kind of make-up?

Not usually, but he has used it for certain disguises, to help hide injuries, and when necessary for media and/or public appearances.

011. Are they invested in their physical appearance?

He tries his best to look presentable as Bruce Wayne and intimidating as Batman, but if those qualities weren't necessary for his goals, he probably wouldn't care much. His monetary investment in his appearance is pretty substantial, though, mostly due to extensive efforts to minimize his scars as much as possible to avoid suspicion towards his secret identity.

-- Identity

012. What is their gender identity and sexual orientation?

Cis male and demibisexual/romantic.

013. What is their relation to their gender identity and sexual orientation?

He's never questioned either and still thinks he's straight (by default). Given his place on the ace/aro spectrum, it's already difficult enough for him to form and realize attraction to others, and his stubbornness leads him to deny his feelings longer still, so he's never really needed or been presented with the opportunity to wonder if his interests go beyond women. Funnily enough, his first crush was on Harvey Dent in college, but it was also his first time experiencing real friendship, and he's so emotionally stunted, he didn't realize his feelings went beyond that.

014. What is their relation to their ethnicity/heritage?

Bruce was raised in both the Jewish faith and culture and still engages in the associated traditions despite now being disconnected from the spiritual aspects of his upbringing. There were some mild Christian influences from his father, who belonged to the Episcopal Church before his relationship with Martha, but those had much less of an impact on his life than the strong family values and emphasis on making the world a better place. "Tikkun olam" may as well be his life motto.

015. How do they feel about their nationality, current or of origin?

Having been born and raised in the U.S., he can appreciate some of the ideals behind the country's founding and the independent spirit it can inspire in people. However, he is also aware of just how deep corruption runs through every system currently in place, those in Gotham being some of the worst examples. To say that he loves his country in its current state might be a bit of a stretch, but he does care about the people living in it and does his best to play his part in its eventual improvement.

016. What family members had the most impact on them?

Considering his parents both instilled his current ideals in him and set him on his current path through their deaths, probably them. Although, he never would've gotten this far if not for the support and influence of his butler, and essentially, second father, Alfred.

017. What is their relationship with their family?

He does his best to love and protect every last person in his family, blood relation to them an unimportant factor, but he would never ask the same of them. As far as he's concerned, they would all be better off without him, and their continued association with him only increases the likelihood of their death. Any apparent distance he might place between himself and them is simply him trying to prevent that outcome.

018. Do they connect with their sense of self or reject it?

He sees himself as a tool, a necessary evil to help others. Any moments of self-discovery or humanizing experiences, regardless of if he's eventually appreciated them or not, have happened against his will.

019. Is their sense of self tied to another person or thing?

Very much so. As stated previously, he has built his entire life around aiding others. He sees no point to his existence otherwise. Honestly, he doesn't even know who he is anymore. Bruce Wayne pretty much died the same night his parents did, Batman is a purpose, not a person, and even the moments in his life where he feels the most real and alive only occur because of the people he's grown to love.

020. What does their morality look like?

He is intent on making the world a better place through self-sacrifice and systemic change. He unfortunately has found it necessary to hurt people to stop them from hurting others, but he refuses to kill, because he doesn't believe in any one person having the power to end another's life, and he believes that when people seen as heroes kill, it can corrupt their mission and/or inspire more malicious forces to pose as heroes and take advantage of people's trust in them to carry out harm on a mass scale.

021. What other names are they known by? 

Batman, Bats, The Bat, The Dark Knight, B, Brucie, Brucie Boy, Brucie Baby, Bruce Old Boy, Mr. Wayne, Dad, Father, Baba, Spooky, and more.

022. Do they know any languages besides their birth tongue?

English, French, Spanish, Russian, Japanese, Mandarin, Cantonese, Filipino, Korean, Arabic, Turkish, Polish, German, Latin, Greek, Italian, Portuguese, Hebrew, Thai, Vietnamese, Kryptonian, Swedish, Swahili, and Kasnian. Possibly more.

023. What religion were they raised in, if any?

Judaism.

024. Are they religious at present?

No. He's seen too many unbelievable things to completely discount the idea that everything he was taught in his youth was true, but there seems to be no explicit evidence supporting its existence either. Regardless, he still engages with the cultural aspects of Judaism and lives by the ideals instilled in him, holding the belief that faith in an otherworldly being isn't necessary to uphold family traditions or to be a decent person.

025. Do they hold to any superstitions?

Only if they've proven to be true, at which point, they can no longer be considered superstitions.

-- Health

026. Do they need glasses?

No.

027. What mental conditions do they have?

Autism, PTSD, C-PTSD, and Dysthymia (a.k.a. Persistent Depressive Disorder).

028. What physical conditions do they have?

Other than a plethora of scars, none at present.

029. Do they have any allergies?

No.

030. What notable injuries and/or illnesses have they had?

Broken bones, bruises, blood loss, sprained joints, strained muscles, dislocated bones, head trauma, bullet wounds, burns, stab wounds, incisions, temporary hearing loss, temporary loss of vision, temporary death, the common cold, pneumonia, frostbite, radiation poisoning, food poisoning, ingestion of poisons, exposure to fear toxin, Joker venom, Poison Ivy's pollens and pheromones, and various other psychoactive substances, paralysis, comas, hangovers, and many, many more.

031. How diligent are they about their personal hygiene?

When he needs to go out in public, very much so, but he has been known to neglect himself when focused on a particularly frustrating mission.

032. Do they keep up with their medication if they have any?

Alfred makes sure he does whenever necessary, but he does sometimes intentionally skip doses if he finds that the effects interfere with his ability to carry out his work.

033. Are they particularly concerned with staying healthy/clean?

Only to maintain respectability and the ability to fight crime. He doesn't fear death so much as no longer being able to protect others.

-- Symbolism

034. What colors are they related to?

Black as Batman, obviously, and perhaps gold as Bruce Wayne? He would be associated with wealth and extravagance, the color is the same as the champagne often served at his parties, and he is seen by some as a ray of light and symbol of hope in Gotham's dark, corrupt atmosphere.

035. What animals symbolize them?

Other than his clear connection to bats, there are also some parallels between him and a wolf. Both are seen by others as solitary predators despite clearly being pack animals. Plus, the animal's fierce and loyal characteristics are also very present in Bruce's own personality.

036. What plants symbolize them?

From Victorian Floral Code:

Asphodel - Remembered Beyond The Tomb

Red begonia - Dark Thoughts

Bluebell - Constancy

Bittersweet Nightshade - Truth

Box - Stocism

Cedar - Strength; I Live For Thee

Pink carnation - I'll Never Forget You

Cypress - Despair; Mourning

Dogwood - Love Undiminished by Adversity

Eglantine - Poetry; I Wound To Heal

Everlasting - Enduring Remembrance

Fennel - Force; Strength

Adonis Flos - Painful Recollections

Forsythia - Good Nature

Dark Geranium - Melancholy

Gladiolus - Strength of Character

Heliotrope - Devotion

Hyacinth - Sorrow

Ivy - Fidelity

Lavender - Mistrust

Marigold - Grief; Despair

Monkshood - Chivalry

Snowball - Bound

Johnny Jump-Up Viola - Thoughts, Remembrance

Wallflower - Fidelity in Adversity

Water lily - Eloquence; Purity of Heart

Weeping willow - Mourning

037. What celestial bodies symbolize them?

Stars - guidance, hope, and destiny

Comets - change and upheaval

038. What time of day are they most related to?

Night. A time of secrets and darkness. Light still exists; it's just harder to find. So long as there are those who can't rest safely each night, he will make this darkness his home.

039. What is a number or numbers that relate to them?

2. A number of dichotomy and conflict, as well as partners and cooperation. Two parents lost, two identities formed, the dynamic duos that protected him from the harm of self isolation, the two alters at war within his best friend, Harvey Dent, once the white knight to his dark knight, and the minimum number of people he can count on to continue residing at Wayne Manor, as they have since the other two were lost.

040. What elements are they most connected to?

Earth. Grounded, solid, steadfast, and dependable. Rich in resources and the foundation for all continued life.

041. What type of weather are they?

Gloomy and overcast. Melancholy and mundane, he isn't always appreciated and can be a source of misery for some, but to those of an acquired taste, he offers peace and hope, with the promise of a better life to come after putting up with a downpour or two.

042. What season of the year are they?

Fall. A time of death, loss, and change. He sacrifices and sheds parts of himself, so life and hope can begin a new in those around him. Even if he doesn't live to see the eventual spring, he will bear the brunt of the coming winter to leave the world stronger than he left it.

043. What kind of precious material are they?

Diamond. Forged under pressure and difficult to break.

044. What type of music fits them best?

Classical instrumental. Filled with soul and complex emotions, even if often overlooked or misunderstood by others due to a disconnect from those who rely more heavily on verbal communication.

045. What songs are closely tied to them?

Symphony No. 3 by Henryk Górecki, also known as the Symphony of Sorrowful Songs, is a piece that always spoke to something in him, especially after the deaths of his own parents. He might give its name if asked for his favorite song, but to actually hear him listening to it nowadays would likely not be a great sign for his emotional stability in that moment.

-- Preferences

046. What is their favorite food and drink?

Steak and steamed vegetables have always been a reliable go-to, and he wouldn't be able to function without the vast amounts of black coffee he consumes each day. Although, if he were trying to pair the two, red wine would be a better fit for the aforementioned meal.

047. Do they like sports?

Not particularly. He likes engaging in physical activity and appreciates the value sports add to society, but he's not the type of person who needs to keep up with a particular game or team. His priorities lie elsewhere.

048. Do they like hot or cold weather?

Cold. He's used to Gotham's gloom and recognizes the practical truth that it will always be easier to warm oneself than attempt to cool off.

049. How do they feel about animals?

While he appreciates them and finds it himself easily growing to care for them, he does think that there's a limit to how many of them people can personally care for within a single household and hopes Damian's penchant for collecting strays doesn't end up getting out of hand.

050. How do they feel about nature?

It's a precious resource that needs to be protected, but unlike a certain adversary of his, he doesn't believe the loss of human lives is necessary for that protection.

051. Do they prefer science or the humanities?

Personally, science. However, he does believe teaching the humanities to be more important when it comes to fostering a kinder society and making people aware of societal warning signs before true corruption can take root.

052. Are they booksmart or streetsmart?

Mostly booksmart, but he's streetsmart enough to do his job as Batman. He's knowledgeable on how the criminal underworld works and capable of analyzing his enemies' psyches, but there are deficits regarding his social intelligence in general that often get in his way.

053. Are they more comfortable in large crowds, small groups, or totally alone?

While he would likely say alone, he does, in fact, work and feel best when in the company of a few close friends or family.

054. Do they feel more in their element in urban or rural settings?

Urban, but specifically an older, darker version of urban. Places like Metropolis can feel too bright and overwhelming, and they lack the harsher architecture and abundance of hiding spots he's grown used to in Gotham.

055. How do they feel about math and language?

Both are important cornerstones of society, and he's made sure to remain well-versed in each subject.

056. Do they prefer to travel or stay in one place?

Stay in one place. There's a comfort in familiarity, even if Gotham can't exactly be described as comfortable on its own.

057. Are they good about getting out of their comfort zone?

Not really. That may seem hard to believe, given his nighttime activities, but pain and fighting have become commonplace to him. It's much harder to trust others or allow himself to be vulnerable than to face off against increasingly more difficult foes.

058. What’s their sense of humor like?

Dry, sarcastic, and often deadpan. It's sometimes hard to tell that he's joking beyond the sheer ridiculousness of some of his statements.

059. Do they have any special interests?

Justice and social reform.

060. What pieces of media are important to them?

The Gray Ghost and The Mark of Zorro, although, he hasn't seen either in decades. Television and film in general have lost much of their appeal to him since his parents' deaths.

061. What are their pet peeves?

Recklessness, greed, and cowardice shown by people who have others depending on them.

-- Sociabilities

062. Are they more introverted or extroverted?

Introverted, for sure, but he can pretend to be extroverted when he needs to be. He enjoys being around those he cares about, but even then, he prefers to observe them interacting with each other or quietly enjoy their company.

063. Are they paternal in nature?

Given that he has managed to amass a small army of children, several of which were acquired against his will and best efforts, it's safe to say that he's so paternal, it's often to his detriment. He doesn't believe any kid deserves him and the trouble that seems to follow him in their lives, but he will always care for the few that made their way into his life regardless. He also treats kids in general with as much kindness as possible, knowing all too well how frightening and lonely it can be to exist as one.

064. Do they want kids?

Surprisingly, no. He's only adopted kids if he's felt he's been their best and/or only option, which doesn't happen often. He didn't plan to have Damian, and he doesn't plan to willingly bring any more children into his horror show of a life. Of course, that's how he's always felt, so odds don't look great for him actually maintaining that goal any time soon.

065. What level of emotional intelligence do they have?

His emotional intelligence is fairly decent; however, his emotional wisdom and social skills often leave something to be desired. He can understand that he's in distress and needs to care for himself just fine, but that doesn't do him any good if he convinces himself he can handle things alone, believes himself to be undeserving of compassion, and actively refuses to take said care of himself. Likewise, while he can often understand the emotions of those around him, not everyone appreciates some of those emotions being treated as a simple problem he just has to find the solution for.

066. How do they communicate their thoughts and feelings (positive or negative) to others?

He doesn't. He bottles it all up until they push him too far or the occasional feeling dawns on him that he should them know he cares about them. After all, he's very obvious in showing how he feels (in his mind, at least), so why does he need to specifically voice it all the time?

067. What are their love languages out of the classic 5?

Acts of service, gift-giving, and quality time. Physical touch is also a common one for him in romantic relationships, but he doesn't initiate it nearly as often in platonic or familial relationships.

068. What are their love languages not included in the classic 5?

Memorization of small details, protection, avoidance, and sacrifice (up to and including his own life).

069. How strong is their sense of empathy?

Not very. He can be incredibly sympathetic and has his ways of reading people, but unless he can specifically relate to their current situation, he can't actually place himself in their shoes and feel what they're feeling. Even when he can relate to their situation, he moreso taps into his own past feelings than connects with their current ones, which can be counterproductive if they feel differently.

070. Do they allow themself to be vulnerable or keep all at a distance?

He absolutely keeps everyone at a distance, but those patient and persistent enough can definitely break through his walls and witness moments of vulnerability from him despite his best efforts to pretend such vulnerabilities don't exist. Those who pay close enough attention will even realize that the very fact that he allows them to get close means that he's already become vulnerable to them. The only time he doesn't try to hide that, though, is when he truly believes they need a reminder of how much he cares for them.

071. Do they struggle relating to others with foreign experiences?

Very much so, but that doesn't mean he automatically dismisses them. He'll always try to help others in their struggles as long as they aren't harming others. Even then, he's been known to offer words of kindness to those most in society wouldn't seem worthy of such an act. People can't change if never presented with the opportunity or motivation to do so.

072. How quickly are they to give their trust?

What trust? Joking aside though, trust always needs to be earned with Bruce. However, once fully earned and fostered, it's hard to break that trust entirely. He might not trust them in small matters anymore, but he'd likely still trust them with his life if push came to shove.

073. Are they more of an optimist or pessimist?

He would describe himself as more of a realist, but his life experiences have led him to expect the worst more often than not. Despite that, he continues to fight for a world where better expectations might more easily exist.

074. Are their emotions easily influenced by others’?

Only by those he's already started to grow close to. Usually, there are too many walls in place, but once someone's slipped past his defenses, it doesn't take much to have him wrapped around their finger.

-- Romance & Sexuality

075. Do they fall on the aromantic/asexual spectrum?

Definitely. He's demi in both spectrums, requiring an existing emotional connection before developing feelings for or attraction to anyone.

076. Do they want to be married?

Ideally, yes. In practice, it would take a lot to convince him to add yet another potential family member for him to lose into his life, though.

077. What type of features are they attracted to?

Sharp/angular facial features, plush lips, slender builds, toned muscles, broad shoulders, long hair, heights not far below but potentially fairly far above his own, and nice hands

078. What type of personalities are they attracted to?

Passionate, charismatic, mature, strong-willed, kind, and respectful people who are good with children.

079. What type of personalities repulse them/are a turn off?

Rude, violent, manipulative, reckless, egotistical, immature, and/or chauvinistic people unable to take anything seriously.

080. Would they be open to a threesome?

Not unless it was one mind shared between two bodies or one body shared between two minds.

081. Would they be open to a foursome or more?

The previous answer would still stand, but there would be more hesitance for each additional body/mind. More alters/other variations of head mates would be more likely to cause real discomfort than more bodies, though, since each one would technically be a separate partner with their own thoughts and personality. 2 minds might actually be a max for him.

082. Would they be okay with an open relationship?

Not at all. I could see him agreeing to his partner seeing others to keep them happy if he was talked into it, but he wouldn't be able to keep up multiple relationships at once himself, and even sharing his current partner would be very unhealthy for him and would eventually break him to the point of pulling away entirely.

083. Are they polygamous?

Absolutely not, as explained in the previous answer.

084. Are they open about their sexuality (both orientation and general)?

Nope. He doesn't even realize he's on the ace/aro spectrums, much less that he's bi. Even with women, he denies his attraction to them as long as he can and tries to avoid even purely emotional attachment to them, due to his tendency to repress emotions, his lacking romantic experience and his fear of loss. He's also a deeply private person in general and tries to avoid being the focus of a conversation.

085. Are they comfortable with casual sex?

No, he doesn't even feel the need to engage in such acts when not in a relationship. He would have no reason to seek out temporary companionship, and he wouldn't be attracted to anyone without forming a deeper connection to them. He hadn't even had his first kiss before becoming involved with Selina, and his one night stand with Talia was not intended to be so brief on his side of things.

086. How comfortable are they with discussing sexuality in general?

In general, incredibly uncomfortable, but with a (potential) partner, usually the most discomfort he'll feel is some mild shyness or embarrassment.

087. What are their kinks?

Bondage (mostly receiving), dominance (receiving), body worship (giving), sparring/wrestling, sensation play, adrenaline/danger play (only when no real risk/threat exists to deal with or after dealing with something real not brought on by his partner where nobody else could've been hurt), roleplaying (mostly bringing hero/rogue personas into the bedroom, though he's too embarrassed to reveal so without prompting), clothed sex (either both or just his partner), costumes/uniforms (mostly formal attire, business wear, and hero/rogue uniforms), lingerie (on either his partner or himself, but he hasn't been introduced to that second option yet), teasing (mostly receiving), and suspension (mostly receiving).

088. If they could choose, on average, would they prefer slow and sensual or fast and rough?

He definitely prefers to slow down and appreciate things as they occur, but he'll speed up if requested, and he certainly wouldn't have any complaints being treated a little rougher if his partner was the one controlling the pace.

089. Does emotional intimacy play any part in their enjoyment of sex?

Absolutely. He cannot enjoy the act if he isn't physically pleasing a partner he has grown emotionally attached to. He doesn't even tend to himself, though there's generally no need to if he hasn't interacted with such a person recently.

090. How tolerant are they of kinks they don’t have?

It depends on the potential they have to cause harm or illness and how much physical pleasure it would bring his partner. Outside of his own relationships, he doesn't care what people do as long as they're being safe and discreet.

091. Are they more prone to the dominant or submissive role?

Submissive. He can fake being dominant occasionally to please his partners, but it doesn't come naturally to him, and prolonged teasing or pushback would quickly break his resolve.

092. Do they prefer the penetrated (bottom) or penetrating (top) position?

He has no preference, but given that he has only had cis female partners in the past, he is more experienced as a top. Although, he would be uncertain of himself either way at first with a partner who had the same genitalia as him, and until he became more confident in his skill with that type of anatomy, he would likely always make sure they were still stimulated from the front in some way when topping. He also tries to use other forms of stimulation when taking the bottom role with partners lacking the necessary natural anatomy, wanting to make sure their needs are still being met. In any case, constant audible confirmation of his partner's pleasure greatly helps to reassure him and keep his anxieties from interfering.

093. Are they a sadist, masochist, or both?

He's not exactly a masochist persay, but if any pain is going to occur, he would much rather it happen to him. Anything on his end couldn't go beyond gentle love nips, lightly running his nails across skin, or minimal pressure/squeezing applied to certain body parts, and that last one would take a bit of convincing before he was comfortable trying.

094. Do they prefer to give or receive oral sex?

Give. He grows deeply uncomfortable whenever he is doted on in any way unless he is able to return the affection, preferably simultaneously, Even when he's already made sure his partner has had their fill for the time being, having all attention turned on him can still make him tense or squirmy, especially when when unable to at least touch them while it's happening.

-- Misc.

095. Would they be considered “out of touch” with the present day?

In some ways. He doesn't necessarily keep up with the latest trends or what slang is currently in use among the youth of today. In fact, he could easily be described as a product of an older era. However, he is more aware than most of the things that truly matter in life, and people trust him to pay attention to their needs and do his best to fight for necessary changes, when others with his level of power in society often ignore anything that doesn't directly seem to affect them or even make things worse for those less fortunate if it works to their advantage.

096. What are their feelings about recycling?

It's an incredible method for reducing waste, but an individual's efforts to engage in it won't make a difference if the corporations that create most of the world's waste continue not to take any accountability or make any attempts at change themselves.

097. Do they have any grasp of Internet culture?

Basically none. If it could provide insight on a case, he might put in the effort to learn a thing or two, but beyond that, it holds no relevance in his life.

098. What’s their average level of energy?

Probably a 5. Tired and overworked, but he manages to carry on regardless.

099. What are they proud of?

His family, his friends, and people who have chosen to better themselves despite any struggles involved in doing so. He holds no pride for any of his own actions or achievements, though.

100. What do they regret?

Every mistake, real or imagined, that he's ever made, the people that he's failed to save making up the majority of that regret.

101. Do they have any secrets?

...He's Batman.

[freemindedspirit]

Twin Flames and illusions (uncovering twin flames myths 101)

Okay, so there are sources in this, but you gotta be aware that most of what anyone knows is UPG (unverified personal gnosis), or knowledge via shared experiences lived through by people in different communities.What I will compile here are things I have personally seen in other people or experienced myself.I am not 100% certain about everything (i dont know how anyone could be tbh). If at any point i am wrong, feel free to prove it respectfully (emphasis on prove and respectfully).If you have any further questions, feel free to ask them through my inbox !

I'm going to show it as common questions and common myths about twin flames (TF). What are twin flames ?

Twin Flames are the highest from of soulmate, the other half of your soul, your mirror, your opposite, the perfect partner the universe made for you

Twin flame are a form of soulmate.They function as two people who lived different stories, but who have the same core.They act as the two fingers of one hand.(You could see a soul family like all of the arms a body has, each soul is a finger)Their souls are different but act as mirrors to each other, due to being created from the same piece of universe consciousness.The goal is for them to trigger each other into tomorrow,to be a catalyst for deep change and transformation, so that each of them can learn double the lessons in one lifetime, by looking at the other's experiences to learn it for themselves.Usually, the biggest lesson to learn is unconditional self love and everything that comes with it, so personal knowledge, uncovering of shadows,healing trauma, inner child/parent work etc.

Twin flames are inherently romantic

lol nope.Twin flame come at different parts of your life, and to different people.Are you really gonna exclude the entire aro community from the people who can have a twin flame experience lol ?

Twin flames are opposite so it has to be a man and a woman

Sure, and trans people dont exist.Non binary, genderqueer, gender non conforming, two-spirit people dont have a place here.They never had a role in spirituality...

It was sarcasm btw, your gender or sex plays no role, absolutely none, in wether or not you have a twin flame, or who your twin flame is.

People who are assigned female at birth have a womb so they are biologically more naturally wired to have feminine energy/reverse for assigned male at birth people

Just, no.Ew.That is patriarchy and misogyny remixed by New Age Spirituality.Your body parts plays no part (pun unintended) in the energy you bear.I repeat, there is no biological reason why your energy would be more masculine nor feminine.

Twin flames are a love story across lifetimes

I promise you, it's not that hard to become mortal enemies with your twin flame.If you value your ego more than the lessons the journey teaches you, or they do, or one of you is just being an asshole (especially if it is the first time your reincarnate together). If you were born at a time where you could duel each other, welp; good luck i guess.

In most cases,it is considered a twin flame journey happens when you're around the end of your soul's time on earth,one of the last few lives you will have here.

sources:

https://www.flair.be/fr/self-love/psycho/pourquoi-twin-flame-dangereux/

Kloee Taylor podcast episode on twin flames i lost lol

Someone's masterlist about twin flames

How the idea of twin flames have been twisted for capitalistic nad abusive benefits

[j-nipper-95]

20 Questions for fic writers

Thanks for the tags for this @theearlgreymage and @wellbelesbian. I'm so slow at responding to these sorts of posts. Also, this one is going to be a little tricky, as I only have the one fic up on AO3, so I will be throwing in a few stats from my original novel, 'A Survivor's Revenge', as well.

How many works do you have on AO3?

Currently just the one, 'The Trails We Blaze'. But there is also ASR, my long term original novel, that I'm going to be focussing on again in November.

2. What's your total AO3 word count?

TTWB currently has a published word count of 20,059 words, with a total of 68,238. (the will only continue to grow - there's still so much of the original plot of El Dorado to adapt for this AU!) ASR on the other hand is already a monster. Before I split the original draft in two to make the first two books, the draft came in at around 130k, incomplete. Currently, the first book is sitting at 78,278 words.

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Just Carry On. It's also the only fandom I read fanfic for.

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

I'm still shocked by how well Trails is doing after only a month or so of posting, so thank you thank you THANK YOU for showing this fic so much love. 1,247 kudos is more than I thought the fic would ever get in its entirety, and we're barely scratching the surface of this chaotic journey.

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

I've loved replying to comments on this fic. It's so nice to know that the fic is resonating with people, and what everyone enjoys about the chapters. I especially love when people pick up on lines from canon, and even mention things I didn't consciously notice when I was writing that reference canon. And just getting to nerd out about the research that's gone into this fic. Anyone who knows me IRL knows how much of a classics nerd I am (unsurprising given I have two degrees), and it's been fun flexing those muscles again. It's also been wonderful seeing what resonates with people over here on tumblr when I share snippets of ASR for WIPsDays. Everyone in the CO fandom has been so supportive of me sharing those snippets, and I can't wait for the day when I get to share Lauren and her story properly with the world.

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Trails is unlikely to be especially angsty (I haven't actually planned the ending, but if we're going by the ending of El Dorado, there's likely to be a happy ending. But I don't know, it's a mystery to me at this point!) ASR on the other hand ... Book 1 and book 2 have especially angsty endings. Where the series as a whole is concerned, let's just say I made myself cry when I wrote a line for a scene from the final book. It'll be multiple books of build up for a gut wrenching finale. Only one character is guaranteed to survive from the entire cast. You have been warned.

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

None so far, but it's likely to be Trails. Only time will tell!

8. Do you get hate on fics?

So far, no. Everyone has been so so lovely with feedback about ASR and Trails!

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

I am an aro/ace bean who's not really experienced much, so whenever I try to write smut I struggle due to lack of practical experience (that's such a clinical way to put it, but brain no work right now, so that's the best way I can think to phrase it). But if I ever do write anything considered smutty, I try to focus on the emotions and sensations rather than the act itself. I love to read fic where the emotional intimacy is front and centre, but won't turn my nose up at reading some really raunchy debauched sex. As someone who's questioned her sexuality multiple times since first coming out I've lived under multiple labels before finding the one that suited me. Grey ace, ace bi-romantic, demisexual bi-romantic, I've thought all of them fit me at one time or another. It wasn't until last year that I realised dating wasn't working for me, it never would work for me, and that was ok. Aro/Ace isn't a zero sex/zero emotions identity, it's a spectrum in itself, and I've finally found something that suits me. Back on the topic of smut I write, I haven't written anything smutty for Trails yet beyond some heated kisses and heavy breathing. Maybe some rolling of hips. But I will be taking that M rating to its limit, don't you worry! As for ASR, again, nothing majorly smutty has been written, at least not what I would consider majorly smutty. Just a lot of emotional pining, and a bit of foreplay that starts to lead somewhere, and then DRAMA.

10. Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written?

Back when I was first getting into creative writing (we're talking pre-teen/very early teens Jess, before ASR was even a vague concept), I wrote fanfic without even realising that's what I was doing. It was just a self insert series of stories that crossed over with multiple franchises, as well as straight up stealing plot points and tropes from other franchises. Will I tell you what they were? Absolutely not! And they will never see the light of day, because they are absolutely God-awful!

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I know of, and I hope that never happens.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

No, but I'd love it if someone ever wanted to. For ASR especially it would be incredible to see it translated and reach more people around the world. Seeing published authors announcing translation deals is something I aspire to!

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Not technically, but I suppose you could call Trails and Art-Collab fic, because Ashton's art is fucking fantastic!! Whenever I get to posting day and I wake up to see an art DM from her I get so excited! The style she's gone with for this fic was something we talked about for a while and she's just excellent at capturing the images and emotions I hope my writing is portraying. Ashton is a gem, and I am beyond lucky and don't know what I did to deserve her as a friend!!!

14. What's your favourite all time ship?

SnowBaz have been an obsession since mid-2021, and they show no signs of relinquishing the top spot in my heart when it comes to fandom ships. But it'd be remiss of me not to mention my OC's here. Lauren and Mike are my chaotic, dramatic, hopelessly and cluelessly in love MC's for ASR. You know how Baz pines in CO ... yeah, we're talking similar levels, if not slightly above that for Lauren and Mike. One of my favourite messages from my alpha reader was 'How in the hell did these idiots ever think their feelings were platonic?', and honestly, I don't even know. AND I WROTE THEM!

15. What's a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

I'm working on an epic high fantasy saga with a friend that we describe as 'Japanese mythology meets J R R Tolkein'. It's so fun writing with someone else, as we both have different strengths. Nori is very much at home with the darker elements, the world building, and character development, whilst I love writing the character relationships, romances, and political manoeuvrings. It's just difficult when you're in different parts of the country, and both have other WIPs you're working on. Maybe one day this saga will see the light of day.

16. What are your writing strengths?

I used to think this was a weakness, but since working on ASR edits I think I've become better attriting action sequences. At least, the comments on Trails have led me to believe this. I hope. Since writing that opening chase scene through Southwark it's really bolstered my confidence. But I think my main strength is dialogue full of banter and flirting. Give me a chance to have two characters in a room just bouncing off each other. No need for dialogue tags, just back and forth dialogue. Flirty dialogue is some of my favourite to write, and both SnowBaz and Lauren and Mike allow me to do this in spades! I also think writing pining is a strength, but that is a double edged sword that can cut the wielder if not used sparingly. Pining is great, when not overdone, and I'm praying I've not overdone it with Trails.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Action and intimate sequences are still aspects of writing I struggle with, and I'll tell you why. Pacing. Pacing is my nemesis. I just want to get from point A to point B and move on to the next scene. I know first drafts don't have to be perfect, but yeah ... pacing in certain scenes within first drafts is my biggest struggle.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

I had to work out how I was going to tackle this for Trails with the most recent chapters I've been writing. HOW DO YOU WRITE A LANGUAGE THAT DOESN'T EVEN EXIST, AND IN YOUR FIC HAS BEEN DEAD FOR MILLENNIA? Atlantean has been a pain to try and work out, and I'm still figuring out a way to write the language itself in dialogue. I really want to try and get some actual Ancient Greek in here as well at some point, so if anyone wants to help translate some riddles and prophecies for me, hit me up! I'm a bad Classicist and never learnt any ancient languages!

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Published: Carry On The secret ones I'll never show anyone: that knowledge goes with me to my grave.

20. Favourite fic you've written?

Trails is my only published fanfic, therefore it is my favourite. But also I love the source material (both 'Carry On' and 'The Road to El Dorado) so much. But my favourite fiction I've written, out of all the original ideas and bad fanfic, has to be 'A Survivor's Revenge'. These characters and their story have been on my mind for the last fourteen years in some form or another, they are my babies, and I don't know what my life would look like without them in it. Lauren is my favourite morally grey chaos gremlin, and I'm so glad other people like reading about her whenever I share snippets.

Ok, so tagging. I have no idea who has and hasn't done this already, so I'm sorry in advance if you don't want to do this/already have done. Just think of it as me saying hi and how much I love the work you all do!

@aristocratic-otter @bazzybelle @bookish-bogwitch @chen-chen-chen-again-chen @cosmicalart @fatalfangirl @larkral @palimpsessed @phoxphyre

[peach-pot]

songs that’re in my aro playlist and why 😎

(I ❤️ misinterpreting lyrics for the sake of aromanticism. also I'm on the grayro spectrum and that influences this a lot.)

1. World of Two by CAKE

feels like being aromantic and two people in your life start dating and making a BIG show of it

"I don't want to / Live in your world / Of two / There's only room for you"

2. When by dodie

"I think I've been telling lies / 'Cause I've never been in love"

"I'd rather date an idea / Something I'll never find"

"They tell me I loved, teach me how to think"

"I'm waiting to live, and waiting to love / Oh, it'll be over, and I'll still be asking when"

come on.

3. don't quite belong by dodie

feels like knowing there's something up with you and romance, but not yet knowing what being aromantic is

"Holding hands like it's planned / How do they know what they mean? / I go up to a friend, grab his arm / "What's the code I should know? / Do you struggle like me?""

"Am I / Missing something vital here? / 'Cause I / Woke up feeling kind of weird / Guess I'll just pretend / Play along 'til they figure it out / I don't quite belong"

4. Beside Myself by The Escape Artist

"The way I love you is if I were someone else / And I'm sat here beside myself / God, I can't keep doing this"

"I guess I don't know what I want / Who knows better? / Oh, everyone / So this is why we're alive / To procreate, perform, pretend, prescribe / It's just the way things work"

"Now we're talking, and I know just what he wants / So I stop him / This time I'm honest for once / "Hey, man, this is really not something I do." / But he won't quit, just wants my number as "friends" / And I hate it"

"I know you see me as if there's something wrong / And it's hard not to play along"

come on. I mean come on.

5. I Wanna Keep Yr Dog by illuminati hotties

it's about getting out a relationship and missing the dog more than the person. very easy to make about being aro if you ask me.

"I felt very little for you, oh well / Thanks for taking care of ol' me"

"You’re alright, but I wanna keep your dog / This is the last night unless you let me keep your dog / I know you want me close / But when you're gone, it's her I miss the most / I'd rather keep your dog"

6. Happy Unhappy by The Beths

feels like being happy being aromantic and then having a crush for the first time and it being more of a bother than anything else. (describing being single as being "happy unhappy" feels like a very aro thing to me on its own.)

"'Cause I was fine on my own / Tolling steady like a dial tone / Couldn't you leave me? / I was happy unhappy / But now I'm overthrown / Wish my heart were really made of stone"

7. Too Soon by Liza Anne

I relate this a lot to my experience being grayromantic where every time I think I have a crush I overthink it, whether or not the feelings are real at the end of the day. feels like thinking you might have a crush and not wanting to overthink it so you can instead just try to have a bit of fun with the feelings for however long they last.

"I think that I am gonna try to / Be a little less in my mind to / Overthink a good thing / Under feel a real thing / I wanna lose my mind a little / I wanna love you"

8. I Think I Love You by The Partridge Family

"I think I love you so what am I so afraid of / I'm afraid that I'm not sure of a love there is no cure for"

"I don't know what I'm up against / I don't know what it's all about / I got so much to think about"

^^ what experiencing romantic attraction is like when you're me and you're grayro and every time it takes several weeks to figure out if what you're feeling is even romantic attraction in the first place.

[catboyclarity]

feel free to ignore if this is too personal of a question but

what is the structure of your relationship with your fiance like? Im demiro and i romantically love with someone who thinks they might be aro, so i guess i just want to learn about other relationship types and structures, to see if something could work out for me. and i figured id ask you what its like since youre aro and getting married.

I’m alright answering this and I do appreciate you considering me for guidance on the subject. Putting the rest under a cut for Long.

For context, I id as aromantic/greyromantic (I do not and have not experienced romantic attraction. At all. Ever. But I like relationships.) pansexual, and Alek, my fiancé IDs as gay and asexual. It has never bothered me that Alek is not sexually attracted to me and vice versa it does not bother Alek that I am not romantically attracted to them. The relationships terms are not really defined very much differently than what you’d picture for a typical romantic relationship, partly because I didn’t realize the aro thing until I’d been with Alek for many years.

However that does not mean I navigate/view the relationship the same way an alloromantic person would: the best example of this is like. So I view the "romantic trappings" of the relationship, things like cuddling, kissing, romantic language as essentially fun extras. To me the point of being in a relationship was to get to hang out with your most favorite friend (my first """"""romantic crush""""""" in high school came from me going "i like him a lot. i want to talk to him all the time. it kind of feels like I want him to be my best friend? but i already have a best friend. i must have romantic feelings for him.") all of the time. I did not realize that many people--including Alek!--do need those things to feel truly part of a relationship, and don't just view it as side quests or Sexy Roleplay.

This meant that at one point Alek had to specifically be like "I am your boyfriend. I want you to kiss me and be loving with me." which like. generally alloromantic people do not need to be told this because for them a major part of wanting to be in a relationship is feeling the drive to do that stuff with a specific person, as I have come to slowly, tediously understand over the course of years. There's other things like this from us on both sides, but what it really all comes down to is we both need to do a lot of extra communication on stuff that I think in other relationships would be basically understood.

And while the extra work is at times frustrating and at times we have hurt each other, we don't mind it because ultimately, what matters to me and what matters to Alek is that we get to BE WITH each other in any capacity. I'm fine with the relationship being defined as romantic: I would be fine with the relationship if it was defined as queerplatonic: I would be fine with the relationship if it was defined as "best friends who make out and go to the grocery store together": at this point I trust Alek enough that I'd be fine if the relationship wasn't defined at all.

I think what matters for you here, is what you want and what the person you love wants. Do they want to BE WITH you? Do you want to BE WITH them? If so, what do both of you need to feel comfortable and fulfilled? The only people who can answer these questions are the two of you, together, but I hope what I've said can shine some light on things.