#autism rambling

[rainbowdelicsunshine]

Honestly guys finally gonna say it:

I've been questioning for a very very long time that I have AUDHD (aka Autism and ADHD) since I feel like Ive been finding myself relating to a lot of ADHD/AUDHD posts on here and ADHD/ADHD coded characters

This started cuz I've been watching Athena P a lot for the past year or so and one of her quotes about the fact she hates being bored cuz of her ADHD made me go "...oh shit I relate to that tf"???

Plus it doesn't help that I was really close with my Grandma (from my Dad's Side) to the point where she feels more like a Mom to me than my Real Mom) had ADHD as well....

If y'all can tell me what tf is happening here is AUDHD (in my case Diagnosed Autism combined with Undiagnosed ADHD) or if it's just my Autism manifesting itself in a different way?? Please and thank you!!

[thatoneautisticfnaffan]

Listen, I am aware that Ennard was (probably) created with the intention of simply being a horrifying amalgamation of the Funtime animatronics. Does that mean I won’t think of it as just a silly little guy? No. Of course I will think of it that way because look at it:

Am I supposed to be scared of this goofy fellow?? Sure, its looks like that something crawled straight out of your nightmares and into your skin, but its just a sneaky little creature.

[lovetornnatasha]

taking a moment to think about dick grayson and it's so funny because he's just. so. dick grayson.

this is a nonsense ramble because my thoughts aren't coordinated enough but lord even with how awful his recent writings have been he still such a funny fella to have around and not a funny fella in the way that he's funny and that's his only personality trait and i ignore all the layers and problems he faces as a person but funny as in, even if he still struggles he can move on from it (ex his parents murder) and faces darkness in such a different way from batman. he still wants to help people as much as he can and his relationship with the other Robins trying to somehow guide them so they can be better than he was or teaching them about things they will face as Bruce's children and. just. lord. i also think he's funny as in his charisma and his cotumes because I'm a believer Nightwing has pretty sick costumes ( discowing and finger stripes looking at u) and some small details about his character or moments where they show his love for the circus or his gymnastics skills are so so soooo appreciated by me goodness

[logictoinsanity]

I hate the part of masking where you have to just like,,, lEt people misunderstand you completely and just move on so as not two come off as to defensive or like, pushy or something. why is explaining myself when you're blatantly wrong about everything I said so rude

[foldingfittedsheets]

I think something a lot of other people can relate to is the way that you get so conditioned to discomfort that you stop registering it.

I remember sitting at the table with my family, eating dinner as a child. I’d try to eat, because of course I was hungry. But sometimes the flavor or texture was so repugnant that it moved into a category of Not Food.

“Two more bites before you can leave the table.”

“I can’t,” I’d say, trying to explain the impossibility.

But because I was a child they heard, “I won’t,” and made me sit at the table. I’d sit in dull agonized silence, bored and hungry for hours until bedtime when they’d give up. I’d hate myself for not eating and my parents for forcing me to sit there. The few forcefeeding moments ended in vomit.

They’d say, “If you don’t eat this you can’t eat a snack later,” and I moved past trying to communicate my discomfort into accepting that I’d just be hungry.

That state of affairs didn’t last, because my parents realized nothing could force me to eat so they catered to my palate, worrying they’d starve me. But the message stuck. If you can’t do anything about a situation, just accept the suffering.

A few years later my mother called me off the playground to ask, “Are you limping?”

I shrugged. My feet had hurt for a long time, but that was just the way things were now. My mom pulled my socks and shoes off and gasped. The soles of my feet were covered in huge painful planters warts.

“Why didn’t you say anything?!” She demanded but I could only shrug at her. I’d learned a long time ago that saying things about my discomfort didn’t matter, so now I had no words. Sometimes things hurt and sometimes they don’t. I simply accepted and did my best.

Now as an adult trying to learn to improve my own conditions can be hard. If I make food that I can’t eat I’ll force myself to sit at the counter still, full of guilt and self loathing, trying to will myself to eat it.

At first I needed my betrothed to gently take it away to present me with something I could eat. Now on my own I can usually admit that it’s not happening before too long and get something else, but I still feel guilty.

Laying in bed at night waiting for my betrothed to finish getting ready I let out a huge sigh of relief when they turned the lights off.

“Why didn’t you turn them off if they bothered you?” they asked the first time it happened.

“I didn’t even know it was bothering me until it was gone.”

Assessing my physical state now to see if I can improve it is something I’m still relearning but I’m relieved to finally have the space and support to do it.

[lightning-system]

As a medium/lower support needs autistic who works with young higher support needs autistic:

We all matter. We all have the same diagnosis. We all deserve to be treated with dignity and respect.

But we are not the same.

I can mask and might be seen as 'odd' or 'weird' in public. The students I work with are seen as 'dangerous' and 'practically little kids'.

I can go to university and work with accommodations. The students I work with likely will never live independently and a few might find jobs that support them but still pay them less than an abled worker.

I have full control of my finances. The students I work with aren't allowed to make independent financial decisions, even if capable.

If I say 'no,' I'm making a choice. The students I work with can't say 'no' without being labeled as defiant and difficult.

I can feed myself, bathe myself, and take care of myself with extreme challenges. The students I work with are unable to take care of themselves without high levels of support/one on one support.

I had an IEP in high school but was mainstreamed in classes. The students I work with take separate classes and some rarely get to interact with their abled peers.

Our experiences are fundamentally different. Higher support needs autistics will experience a specific type of ableism I never will, and can never fully understand.

Lower support needs autistics need to stop saying we understand what higher support needs autistics are going through and then present autism as only being disabling because of society/lack of acceptance because that is dangerous. We need to stop saying every autistic person is capable of everything if given the right support because that leaves out huge parts of our community who will never be able to do certain things, regardless of support.

We are worthy of existence regardless of our abilities.

Autism is a spectrum. It is not the same for every autistic person. Autism acceptance and advocacy has to come with accepting, acknowledging, and listening to our higher support needs peers.

[honestlydarkprincess]

feeling violent (i’m overstimulated)

[ladyshinga]

didn’t figure out i was autistic at all until my 30s. why? well in a funny twist of what some might call irony but probably isn’t: one of my main special interests since childhood... people. behavior. how folks feel vs how they behave, why they do things, what motivates them. i became a “peacemaker” type as a kid because i could observe an argument between two people and fairly accurately guess how each felt and was able to kind of... do some emotional translation for both of them to help them find an understanding. and BECAUSE of this, people were like “you’re wise/good with people/etc” and for years people also said “that means you’re not autistic, because autism means not being good at socializing”

but like. i’m not? i’m OKAY at socializing. but since childhood i’ve found a lot more success in just being the observer. WATCHING people, paying extremely close attention, that’s what i was good at. i learned early to never TELL people outright i was doing that, people get weird when you say you’re observant and have noticed their behavior/emotions/etc

I don’t regret this being a special interest of mine. It’s been an uphill battle since my 20s to figure out how to be a PART of all that socialization? (and i still feel like i constantly fuck it up, translating the neurotypical habits mid-conversation is much harder than observing it as an outsider and having more time to process it) But... I like that I’m an observer. I like that I can see the clear causes and effects of emotions that people have, their experiences, how it can all bleed together? I like it. I’m glad my childhood brain decided to latch onto the concept of People and humanity in general. It can get frustrating sometimes feeling like the only one in a group of people trying to be considerate of what the others are going through but... I still wouldn’t give that up. I’m glad I’m weird about humans. They’re pretty great actually.

[dumyhead]

hey man u canf say that on live tv :(((

[caterpillarinacave]

You know what, maybe its just because I'm autistic, but it really baffles me how growing up autistic people are so firmly shamed for happy stimming.

Like to be so happy you can't do anything but move? Can't help but hum, or squeal, or flap? To be momentarily blinded by sheer happiness? So much happiness that youre ever rushing mind shortcircuts into nothing but feeling? How is that anything but wonderful?

How could you witness such a thing, such true emotion and tell them that they're being cringey and weird? How can you look at the person in front of you overflowing with joy, and tell them they need to knock it off, and sit still like a normal person? How can you see someone light up in such a sincerely human way, making their merriment visible to the world, practically made of pure happiness and tell them to stop?

How can be shown someones soul and say they should hide it away?

[sojourner-between-worlds]

Even if you, personally, don't hate Discord's new UI, I am begging ya'll to still send them the following feedback:

"The changes made to Dark Mode are an accessibility issue due to the lack of a low contrast option for those who need it."

The previous dark gray was never ideal, tbh, but it was still worlds better than what we have now. As someone who can feasibly get by with the new dark mode but vastly prefers low contrast, and as someone who knows people who do need low contrast -- please tell them about this problem.

[thatoneautisticfnaffan]

Yes, I have spent the last hour and half writing about how I prefer Alec over Angel. No, it isn’t because I’m a hypocrite with double standards but because I think Alec is a well written, interesting character and Angel is barely even a character. Leave me alone-

[manufacturedrainbows]

My fellow fanfic authors, I'm begging on my hands and knees – and Ima hold your hand as I say this – you gotta respond to the readers that leave comments on your work.

I know social anxiety is the worst (trust, my autistic ass understands) but I promise you, nothing deters a reader from commenting more than seeing a comment section with no replies as you continue to post fanfics. Even if it's as simple as "thanks for reading!" or just some cute emojis, it'll show that you're actually engaging with your audience!

We work so hard on our writing, and those of us that post them online want it to be seen, right? Indulging in our little fandoms is how we build connections with people that feel the same way.

It might be hard or even scary, but I find the more you socialize with others (especially in a more controlled environment like a comment section), the easier it gets! 💕

[eeveearoace]

Do u have any opinions on Pokémon sun/moon,,, stares at you autisticly /pos

*vibrating harder than a temmie* DO I????

OKAY, SO. sun/ moon are definitely one of my favorite pokemon games (i like their stories a bit better than ultra sun/ ultra moon, but they aren't that different. that being said, usum has mantine surf, one of the best pokemon minigames of all time, so. usum is also very good)

sm also came out when my poke-mania was at its peak, so that might also be part of why i love it, lol

the story was. SO GOOD. it absolutely used the box-art legendaries better than any other mainline pokemon game (scarlet/ violet being ignored, since they just came out) - i mean, you grow so attached to nebby, and then it evolves into a LEGENDARY POKEMON?? one of the best plot twists of a pokemon game (PS, i don't really like that there are other legendary pokemon that evolve, since that just feels like "breaking" some sort of rule - the cosmog line earned it, tho, so they're good)

i swear i remember there being a scene on exeggutor island where the player character gets to tell lillie how much she means to them, but when i replayed it, i don't think that happened?? (at least. not in the way i remembered it) i. probably should've realized i was super gay for lillie sooner tbh lol

overall, alola might have my favorite pokemon designs. just - the starter lines, rockruff, vikavolt, mimikyu, alolan vulpix, alolan exeggutor, alolan raichu, toxapex, mudsdale, lurantis, salazle, stufful/ bewear, golisopod, cosmog/ lunala, nagandal,,,, so many (its bugs SLAPPED)

the tutorial was too long, the game was really easy at some places, and the ultra necrozma fight in usum was. AGONY. but all in all, sun and moon are such beloved games (also mantine surf is TOO GOOD)

[ashmaenas]

Shout out to all the autistic peeps who weren't diagnosed as kids even though they were very stereotypically autistic because they were afab and their families didn't know anything about autism so they just thought they were weird and lazy, but other kids could tell that they weren't like them so they got bullied into learning how to mask constantly (which put the diagnosis off for even longer) and then they kept on getting burnt out from masking all the time and they had to go to noiser more overwhelming environments as they got older until eventually it became very obvious that they were autistic again and they finally got a diagnosis (which is a whole other story on its own).

[aphel1on]

laios has very quickly become dear to me not just because he's an autistic protagonist but because his autism is itself one of the reasons his party has an edge over others. though we see him struggle in social situations, his special interest makes him hypercompetent in the context of dungeon survival. i'm aware that's not a NEW observation on him but i was impressed that he even used his special interest to successfully solve a crisis that relied on noticing social cues- he was able to pick out the impostors bc he honed in on the small discrepancies in their attitudes toward monsters. if that isn't weaponizing your autism, i don't know what is