#but chronic illness + mental illness + trying not to think about exercise in terms of weight loss bc i'm trying not to make that the goal

[suffercerebral]

me having gone to bed at 6 am every day for the past week and generally spiraling mentally while rotting in bed waking up this morning: a 4 mile hike in the heat is a really good idea right now, and while we're at it let's start like 3 art projects

[letters-to-lgbt-kids]

My dear lgbt+ kids, 

I had a panic attack in my kitchen the other day. 

It was a really warm evening, I was making dinner in the kitchen and I noticed I felt a bit weird. At first I didn’t pay it much mind, I was probably just annoyed at having to stand at the hot stove in this weather, but then the thought crossed my mind “What if I falsely believe this is some harmless discomfort and I’m actually having a heart attack?” - and those of you who struggle with health anxiety as well can surely imagine it was all downhill from there. Suddenly I got dizzy and my chest hurt and I felt like I couldn’t breathe… 

And I said to myself “These are all the symptoms of my usual panic attacks, these aren’t new or unusual symptoms that require me to get medical attention right now”, so I turned off the stove and did the first aid I learned works for my panic attacks:

I went to the fridge and got an ice cube and held it in my hand, until that sensory stimulation snapped me back to reality. And when I could think clearly again, I felt safe enough to do a deep breathing exercise and go through my “Why do I feel so shitty” checklist (checking for unmet physical needs I may not be consciously aware of), and I realized I was dressed way too warmly for the weather, so I changed into something lighter - and then I went back to making dinner. My “heart attack” was just me overheating and then my anxiety attaching a wrong interpretation to that. 

That’s a pretty boring story, right? Nothing dramatic happened. But that’s exactly why I share it with you. 

When you’re young and mentally ill (or if you have been freshly diagnosed with it, at any age), a common fear is that it’ll stay. You’ll be like this forever now, you’ll never go back to normal. And so positivity often focus on recovery, on “it’ll go away one day, you just gotta be strong until then”. And maybe it will! Mental illness is a pretty vast umbrella term, some conditions under it can be cured completely. 

But I wanted to share another perspective here: even if it won’t go away, even if it indeed stays forever because it’s a chronic condition or a treatment-resistant one (or because you learn, after years of wondering why your depression and anxiety won’t go away with traditional therapy, that you’re actually autistic and need a completely different approach than a neurotypical patient (hi, it’s me)) .. it won’t feel like it did at the beginning forever, simply because it’s no longer so new. When it’s new, you have no blueprint on how to deal with it. It’s a situation you’re thrown into with no prior training - of course you feel completely lost and hopeless! 

Mental illness is a real illness and as any illness, it’ll affect your daily life - but over all those days, you learn more about it. You try things to cope with the symptoms and realize that some techniques work better for you than others. Even if you can only learn to manage it rather than cure it: you figure out how to deal with it better. You draw your blueprint. 

It’s still part of your life but it’s no longer the showstopper. It becomes just a boring story of stopping dinner to take care of your symptoms first. And that’s something to hope for, to fight for. 

With all my love, 

Your Tumblr Dad 

[cyanomys]

The Misery Loop

I have a potentially unpopular take. Disclaimer: IANAD, I'm just a person with moderately severe chronic illness and an entirely useless psych degree.

Part of the burden of every illness is psychological. The way you think about your illness, your pain, your agency, and yourself all has an impact on how you feel physically, and even sometimes what is happening inside you biochemically. Always. This is actually true for every single sick person out there, unless they are literally comatose -- because everything you experience has to pass through your brain, which is where you have thoughts and feelings and psychology. This is even true for people who have illnesses we think of as "purely" biological, like a broken leg, or stomach cancer.

But vise versa, how you feel physically (and what is happening to you biochemically) has an impact on your psychology, too. This is because your brain is actually just 3 pounds of meat in your head, just like the other roughly 177 lbs of meat that makes up the rest of you. So your emotions and thoughts, which you think of as entirely within your control (or at least entirely in your head), are actually also moving at the whims of your gut biome or bad joints or whatever. Unfortunately.

People living with chronic illness and chronic pain can be really, really resistant to and defensive against the idea that any part of their illness is psychological. I have been one of these people. This feeling is pretty reasonable, because doctors and family members have used "it's all in your head" as an excuse to refuse us the treatments, accommodations, mobility aids, disability payments, or even just common decency that we need for the biological reality of our illness.

But staying blind to the psychological aspects of our illness shuts us off from knowledge that could help us suffer less. It's impossible to think or will or manifest yourself out of any illness (even psychiatric illness), like ableist people might imagine. However it is possible to learn about how your body and mind interact, and practice thinking in a way that will not increase your suffering.

When I've been at my sickest and most miserable, I always got stuck in a self-reinforcing thought loop about it, which I call The Misery Loop. The loop is never the cause of my illness, but it always makes me more miserable and I genuinely believe it elongates the flare. It goes like this:

Physical pain or misery -> mental anguish and feeling helpless -> physical misery heightened because of the mental misery -> avoiding a lot of things to try to be less miserable -> having no distraction and thinking about the misery more, or avoiding doing stuff that would over time make me feel better -> more misery -> repeat.

I never really saw this cycle clearly until I worked at a physical therapy clinic. Even though I just worked the front desk, I talked to many patients, saw their medical records, and learned from the PTs. For many chronic illness patients, like 60% of the effectiveness of PT was just giving them hope, a feeling of agency, and and human connection. This kicked them out of the Misery Loop enough that they could start feeling better, and benefit from that other 40% of physical exercise.

For the chronic illness patients that didn't respond to PT, sometimes the problem was that they needed some other therapy first to make it viable (like medication) -- but a lot of the time the problem was in the "avoiding things that would over time make [them] feel better" part of the Misery Loop. They were so hypervigilant about not increasing The Misery that they were unable to do the PT that would potentially help in the long run.

And can you blame them? The Misery is really horrible. If they weren't in a chronic pain/illness context, all of this would probably be good and protective right? So this is probably just how the brain is designed to keep them alive but it doesn't understand what to do with long term misery.

And by "they" I mean "I". I was literally working at a PT office, receiving free PT, and struggling with this exact problem. I said I saw the cycle while I worked there. But I was so resistant to the idea that any of this was "in my head" that I was always really anxious and full of cognitive dissonance about what I observed and my own inability to do the exercises. I didn't finish fully unpicking the emotional mess I felt about this until like this week. And it took a lot of journaling.

How do you get out of the Misery Loop? Idk all the answers man, I'm new at this. Just paying attention to how my thoughts and body react to each other is helping me catch when they're in the cycle. Distracting myself instead of dwelling on the Misery helps, or telling my brain when it tries to say "ugh my head hurts" for the 50th time to "shut up, I am fucking AWARE that our head hurts." Acceptance (in the "accepting what I can't change" sense, not the "giving up" sense) also seems to help stave off the Misery Loop.

And I've been keeping a careful health journal but trying to remember to frame what I learn as "this is what I CAN do" instead of "this is what I can't do". Which maybe sounds pollyanna, but it works. Instead of constantly searching for what makes me worse so that I can avoid it, I can search for new things (or old things in new ways) that are tolerable. Instead of my world getting smaller and smaller, it gets bigger and bigger, a teeny tiny bit at a time. I'm going to talk to my therapist about this more soon too, once we get done with the main part of OCD therapy.

Realizing all this makes me extremely angry actually. This is one more avenue that bad doctors and shitty family and medical trauma took from me, for many many years. If "it's all in your head" hadn't been weaponized against me, I think I would have naturally come to believe I had some control over my thoughts about my illness. And I would have been less miserable. But I was clutching desperately onto the thought that "this must be 1000% out of my control in every way" because I had been beaten into believing that otherwise I didn't deserve treatment -- which actually took my agency away and made me more likely to enter the Misery Loop. Fuck ableism.

Not to mention the ableist idea at the core of the whole "all in your head" garbage -- that things in your head are under your control, and therefore moral failings.

When googling around my Misery Loop sounds a lot like the "Pain-Thought-Pain Cycle". Plus there's something very Buddhist about the whole "don't add to your suffering with mental suffering" angle. Considering that I've been wading around in the waters of psychology (as both a patient and a student) and secular buddhism for a while I probably picked it up from there. I think "Misery Loop" is way more catchy though. And sometimes, you have to simmer something around in your brain soup for a while, and then pour it back out as something new, in order to make sense of it.

I have a very unscientifically validated theory that different people (even at different times in their lives) have a different amount that the misery loop contributes to their suffering. So like, one person might be 90% misery loop and 10% literal something-mechanically-wrong-in-body, while another person might be 90% something-mechanically-wrong-in-body and 10% misery loop. That's probably why some people are like "Therapy cured my chronic pain!" or whatever, whereas some people find a medication that cures them.

I imagine that for the vast majority of us, it is an inconveniently sticky mixture of the two in closer proportion. It is cruelly ironic, but it is much more difficult to figure out your Misery Loop (and Misery Trauma) when you're also dealing with The Misery. Falling into the Misery Loop is a perfectly valid thing to do, and you shouldn't beat yourself up for it. I will probably do it again myself. Hell, I'll probably do it tomorrow.

But maybe eventually we can claw ourselves out, inch by inch, thought by thought. And suffer a little less than we would otherwise.

[bulldagger-bait]

This is probably an unpopular opinion: so, i'll just preface with: Im saying this as a person with disability and chronic illness:

At a certain point its a bit shitty when people keep cancelling plans. I know sometimes health can get in the way of things but when you're ALWAYS reaching out to your friend and they are ALWAYS cancelling on you, it really, really sucks.

I don't cancel plans often. Usually I go through with them, even if I feel like pure death. I will save up all my energy for a day to see my friends. I put in that effort, even if sometimes it causes me to flare. And yeah, I could stand to tone it down a little, but I really dont like cancelling.

Because I've had friends cancel plans on me. a lot. And its usually people im trying to get back into contact with. It sucks to be cancelled on, and even though you know the person isn't doing it maliciously, after a certain amount of times it just starts to feel like they dont actually want to see you.

Of course you need to look after your health and comfort, but I sometimes feel like people can focus too much on prioritising their comfort over their relationships. Relationships are hard work and unfortunately, that sometimes means pushing through exhaustion and pain for someone because you care about them.

Disability and illness can be really isolating. In order to get rid of that loneliness, it means meeting up with people. And adjusting to living with disability and chronic illness means learning to balance those two forces. If you find yourself always cancelling and notice that your friendships are fading, you're not acting in your best interest. You are going to have to be uncomfortable and push yourself. You are going to have to put effort in, or be content with people pulling away because the relationship is becoming one-sided.

It should also just be basic etiquette that if you cancel on someone, it should be your responsibility to reschedule. And you should try not to let the person down again.

Like, I get it. Im sometimes exhausted and in pain and dont feel up to hanging out. I do it anyway. Because its good for the relationship, its good for my mental health, and its good to push your boundaries sometime. Its like exercise a muscle, if you dont push it, you dont get stronger. You dont grow.

It sucks to put in all that work, and get nothing back. It also especially sucks when it feels like your friend gives up on plans at the slightest hint of resistance. If you cancel, maybe try communicating why.

But in general i think that people have become too blasé about this kind of thing. Yes, life gets in the way, but at a certain point you have to stop victimising yourself and realise that youre treating people badly. You're not the only person whos struggling, and you owe it to yourself to try and do something that will make you feel better long-term -- like fulfilling relationships with others -- rather than prioritising short term gains (like getting to rest)

TLDR: cancelling plans sucks, and getting cancelled on sucks too. Remember, its never just one person losing a friend, its always at least two, and thats awful. Dont let yourself fall into the trap of neglecting your relationships. Part of taking care of your wellbeing means taking care of your social health too.

[vincewillard-1971]

Self-Care Practices

What Is Self-Care And Why Is It Important?

Self-care is the practice of talking care of physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual aspects of your life to promote health and wellness.

Many people do not fully understand what self-care means. Read on to find out more about self-care is, examples of practicing self-care, and why it's important for your mental and physical health.

What Is Self-Care?

According to the World Health Organization (WHO), self-care is being able to promote health, prevent disease, maintain health, and cope with illness and disability with or without the support of a healthcare provider.

The WHO also mentions that self-care is a broad term and many facets of a person's life come into play, including:

•Hygiene

•Nutrition

•Lifestyle factors such as exercise level and leisure activities.

•Environmental factors such as a person's living conditions or social habits.

•Socioeconomic factors such as a person's income level or cultural beliefs

•Self-medication and following treatment plans for current illnesses.

The main goal of self-care, they must use personal responsibility and self-reliance in a way that is positively impacts their health in the current moment and the future.

What People Think Self-Care Is

•Overindulging in spending

•Binge-eating your favorite but unhealthy foods

•Participating in activities that provide instant gratification

•Going on expensive and lavish vacations

•Perfecting oneself by any means necessary

•Number bad feelings using alcohol or illicit substances

•Binge-watching television.

What Self-Care Actually Is

•Prioritizing one's physical and mental health

•Adopting healthy lifestyle habits that can be maintained long-term

•Eating a healthy diet

•Finding exercise activities that you enjoy and participating in them regularly

•Getting an adequate amounts of good quality of sleep

•Following treatment plans for existing conditions accordingly

•Taking time out for yourself to participate in healthy activities you enjoy.

What Types of Self-Care Are There

Various forms of self-care involve different activities or actions. Each form is as important as the other and drives optimal health and well-being.

Physical Health

Taking care of your physical health is a form of self-care that helps improve quality of life and prevent or manage chronic conditions.

Physical self-care will be different for each person, but ways you can practice physical self-care include:

•Getting the proper amount of exercise

•Eating regular, well-balanced meals that are mostly whole foods and stay hydrated

•Engaging in relaxing activities that can help manage stress

•Getting enough sleep

•Getting regular medical and dental care.

Mental Health

Mental self-care is designed to drive a healthy mind by practicing brain-stimulation activities and healthy mental health behaviors . Mental self-care can help you manage stress, lower your risk of illness, and increase your energy

While no two people are the same, these strategies can help you manage stress and stimulate your mind:

•Using relaxation programs or apps regularly to incorporate meditation, yoga, muscle relaxation, or breathing exercises.

•Practice gratitude by reminding yourself daily of things you are grateful for. Write them down at night or replay them in your mind.

•Participate in creative activities you enjoy

•Read a book or do a puzzle

•Play games such as Scrabble, crossword puzzle, or other brain teasers.

•Try a new hobby

•Engage in exercise

•Take adult education classes

•Seek help from a professional as needed

Relationships

Having healthy relationships is a form of social self-care all it's own. Research has shown that different forms of relationships, whether they be romantic, platonic, or familial, calm benefit overall health and well-being

On the flip side, not having lack platonic relationships, they are more likely to be subject to psychological distress and engage in unhealthy behaviors

Ways to foster relationships include:

•Regularly scheduling get-togethers (coffee, a walk, a meal, going to the movies, or just hanging out) with friends or family members.

•Connecting with community and fath based groups

•Volunteering for a local organization

•Joining a local group, such as a hiking club, knitting group,

or other interest groups.

Spiritual

Not everyone has a spiritual or religious need. However, for some people nurturing their spirit allows them to connect on a deeper level with themselves and to think beyond themselves.

Spiritual self-care practices might include:

•Meditating

•Hiking or spending time in nature

•Listening to inspirational music

•Going to church or attending virtual spiritual activities or groups

•Praying

•Talking with a spiritual advisor

Why Is Self-Care Important?

Practicing self-care regularly can bring about both short- and long-term benefits that lead to improve well-being and an improved health status

Short-Term

In short term, people who practice self-care can see positive changes such as:

•Reduced stress levels: Putting your health and needs first along with giving yourself a bit of rest can significantly reduce stress levels

•Increasing self-worth: The more you take care of yourself, the better you will feel about who you are as a person. This is because more of your core needs will be met on a regular basis.

•Feelings of belonging: A short-term benefit of spending time with others will provide feelings of belonging and love, which is good for your overall health.

Long-Term

While the short-term benefits of self-care are good, the long-term benefits are what self-care is more focused on. Some long-term benefits include:

•Managing chronic conditions: By practicing physical and mental self-care strategies, conditions such as depression, diabetes, and heart disease can be more effectively managed.

•Disease prevention: Implementing self-care practices, such as regular exercise, healthy eating, and stress management techniques, reduces the risk of a heart attack, stroke, and obesity in the future.

•Stress reduction: Stress affects all systems in the body. Chronic stress can lead to chronic health conditions. Practicing self-care can reduces chronic stress can help lower the risk of developing health conditions, such as heart disease, high blood pressure, gastrointestinal disorders, and more.

•Healthier relationships: When taking better care of our personal needs, we are better able to engage in healthy relationships partially due to increase self-esteem and self-worth.

•Improving job satisfaction: A study of nurses found those who implemented intentional self-care practices had a significantly higher job satisfaction. The authors suggest implementing self-care practices could improve job satisfaction and teamwork while reducing burnout.

Reducing burnout: Authors of a review of multiple studies concluded the solution for burnout is complex, but self-care strategies are one of several components that could be effective.

•Improve quality of life: When self-care practices help to better manage health conditions, reduce stress,or create a greater sense of belonging, overall well-being and quality of life.

How To Practice Self-Care

Building your perfect self-care plan on your personal health and lifestyle. To create a plan to encourage better health and well-being:

•Determine your overall level of health: Once you know your starting point health-wise, you can begin adding or subtracting certain activities or stressors in your life to focus on improving your health.

•Identify your stressors: Make a list of things that cause you stress in all aspects of your life. The next step is to do your best avoid certain stressors . If they are unavoidable, teach yourself coping techniques that can help lessen your stress reaction to certain situations.

•Identify your coping strategies: Everyone develops strategies to cope with health issues, stress, and other life problems. Make a list of your coping strategies and see which ones are healthy and which ones aren't. The unhealthy ones that don't serve you well can be swapped out for healthier coping mechanisms.

After completing these three steps, you can begin to formulate a plan that you can commit to.

Self-Care Strategies for People With Chronic Disease

If you have a chronic disease, your self-care plan look a little different than that of someone who does not. This is only because you will have to incorporate certain activities that coping strategies and activities that will benefit you. For example, if you have diabetes, ensure that coping strategies and activities you utilize as self-care help you manage your condition while you follow your treatment plan

Summary

Self-care is the practice of taking care of the physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual aspects of your life to promote health and wellness. It is a lifestyle that enables you to set aside time for your health to ensure your overall health and well-being now and for years to come.

If you do adopt the right techniques to care for yourself, you will be able to reap the benefits, such as better physical and mental health, the prevention or better management of diseases, and better personal and workplace relationships.

[dorian-gets-healthy]

Hi, I’m Dorian!

Due many reasons, including autism and discomfort with my assigned sex, I had avoided exercise since puberty. Until I started seeing an exercise physiologist once a week, I was riddled with shame and guilt around my body. With kindness and empathy, I came out of my shell and I’ve grown much stronger and fitter than I’ve ever been.

I would like to return the favour and help others get fitter, stronger and healthier in order to live their best lives.

In terms of eating, I put an emphasis on lean sources of protein, lots of plants and complex carbs. I also like to remind myself that it’s okay to eat anything in moderation. This means I can have chips, chocolate, lollies etc. however, I’ve found that the less I eat them the less I crave them, and that over time I have grown much better at knowing when my craving and hunger has been satisfied. I also believe in intermittent fasting for some people, such as myself, as it can help boost your mood and energy levels, as well as reducing your hunger overall. For some people, a vegan diet, keto and other diets are great. For example, veganism can help with chronic inflammation in some people while many epileptics benefit from keto. However, you know your body best and if it isn’t working for you, try something else. I have wanted to be vegan for a long time, but I have IBS that is triggered by stress. I am almost always stressed. The worst food triggers for my IBS are beans, legumes and pulses (although not peanuts thankfully). I cannot eat beans or chickpeas without a sore tummy, bloating, gas and cramps. In veganism and vegetarianism, these are the major source of protein. Instead, to try and stay in line with my values, I prefer to eat animals and products from animals that I know were free range and fed properly on a healthy diet instead of grain and soy. Growing up we used to have a mobile butcher who would come and shoot cows on our property and butcher them for us. We would share one cow between two families and the meat from that cow would last months in the freezer, if not longer. I have considered learning to shoot so that I can hunt animals and butcher them myself for meat - we often have an overpopulation of wallabies and they will starve if they aren’t culled. I don’t know if I would ever be eligible for a gun license (in Australia) however, as I have a history of mental illness.

In terms of exercise, I am a proponent of enjoyable movement. You can’t force yourself to do stuff you hate - it’s just not sustainable or enjoyable, and I’m all about improving quality of life. Geocaching, lifting weights, swimming, walking on the beach, gardening, rowing machine, archery, treadmill with good music or a good audiobook/tv show, ring fit adventure, VR fruit ninja, horse riding, playing on adult play equipment, soccer and cricket with good, non judgmental friends, hiking and bushwalking, rock climbing, laser tag, Krav Maga, sailing, circus, Irish dancing… these are all forms of exercise that I have enjoyed over the years. A lot of them don’t sound like traditional exercise, and that’s because they aren’t - but that doesn’t stop you from getting fit! Joining your local laser tag or paint ball team is just as beneficial as running. Using the aid of video games,utilising VR headsets and watching television at the same time as exercising doesn’t diminish or ‘taint’ the exercise you do.

Relaxation, meditation and spirituality are things that everyone needs, but they won’t look the same for every person. I can’t meditate due to adhd. It makes my spiralling thoughts even worse because I can’t distract myself. Instead, I find prayer* to be a much better way to relax and meditate. For someone else, their form of mindfulness might be taking time to experience food when they eat, or thinking while they do gentle laps in the pool, or pulling weeds from the literal garden as well as the garden that is your mind.

Hobbies that bring you joy are essential for a happy life. My joyful hobbies are reading (I’m a sucker for nonfiction), creating art, embroidery, cooking, creating boards on Pinterest, faith*-based activities and playing stardew valley, geocaching, driving, exploring and watching tv with my girlfriend.

Sleep is essential to good health. I oversleep because I am burnt out - I often sleep 12 or more hours. Before that, my healthy average for MY body was 10 hours. Most people need 8-9 hours of sleep, but this isn’t the same for everyone. Experiment and find out how much sleep is optimal for your energy levels and mood. I suggest listening to the same story on the calm app each night (I like the grand plan to rise and shine by Frankie bridge), listening to brown noise and keeping your room cool and dark with good black out curtains. I also suggest getting a comfortable, squishy plush if you sleep on your side, as cuddling it can help support your back.

Finally, make sure you spend time with friends and family (either blood or found family is fine, so long as they bring you joy). Socialising is good for our mental health - even for us introverts! Spend time around people who make you feel good about yourself. If you leave their company feeling awful, this is not a good sign. Even if you feel tired, you should also feel happy, not stressed, worried, angry, sad or anxious.

These are my starting tips for a healthy lifestyle. If you want to see more content like this, follow my blog!

*my faith is not Christian, just FYI, as this is often the assumption. I am more aligned with the old gods and ancient magic.

[fndawerness]

Let’s talk about it - After being diagnosed

Most of us have experienced grief of some form by the time we reach adulthood. The loss of a friend, family member, or pet can be devastating and difficult to move through. The kind of grief I’d like to talk about is the kind brought on by chronic illness.

It is similar in many ways to traditional grief. We go through some or all of the stages, denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance. Yet some how it’s different. Only a person going through chronic illness can understand the type of grief that it brings on, and what that encompasses.

Denial: FND is often a misunderstood illness. Some medical professionals are convinced that it’s “just a mental illness.” When receiving a diagnosis of FND, you may go through a form of denial. I sure did. I saw the words “conversion disorder” and thought, “I’m not making this $%^^ up! I don’t walk around acting stoned and losing my balance for fun…WTF?” I was certain that it must be something else, something that can be fixed, cured, medicated away…ANYTHING! I continued to go to work through the worst symptoms, trying to maintain the same level of productivity and normalcy I’d had before getting sick. Trying to continue the same level effort only made the symptoms worse. Of course It wasn’t until a neurologist explained it as a problem with the functioning of the wiring of the brain/CNS that I was able to come to terms with this diagnosis and move through the denial.

Anger: Then came the anger. Anger that an illness can take away all the things I used to be able to do. I was embarrassed to speak to people due to losing my train of thought, being unable to find words, or slurring words. I was embarrassed by my unbalanced gait, and frequent stumbles. I began to avoid socializing to save myself the humiliation. That burned into an ember of resentment. “How could this have happened? I do everything right; I don’t smoke, or do drugs, I eat healthy, I don’t drink often, I exercise regularly. This is ridiculous.” I became impatient with myself, and at times with others. I was beginning to lose my independence, and therefore my identity. Perhaps you’ve felt the same way?

Anger is a very slippery slope, so don’t lose your footing and let it get the better of you. When we suffer from an illness that takes away our independence anger can become a way of hiding what’s really going on: frustration at feeling no sense of control. Asking for help is so difficult at times. Especially if you’re known as being a fiercely independent person. But truly, it’s not a sign of weakness. It’s a sign of courage. It takes immense courage to allow people to see you when you’re vulnerable. The people that love us are feeling helpless and at a loss of what to do. When we ask for help, we are offering them an opportunity to show their love for us. It can enable them and us to work through the anger that comes with grief. So, when someone comes to you and says “What do you need? Can I do anything for you?” Tell them what you need and be specific. “I need help vacuuming, walking the dog, getting groceries, etc.” Tell them what you need, and thank them for their help. It is healing for both the giver and the receiver.

Bargaining: This one is tricky. When we get stuck on comparing ourselves now to the person we used to be, that's bargaining. The truth is chronic illness changes you, in every way possible. It's ok to think about the things we used to be able to do before FND. The problem arises when we begin to ruminate on those lost abilities, and look upon what we are capable of now of as "less than." Do we look at a person who is going through chemo and say, "What are you doing complaining about being tired? Just get up and go!" NO OF COURSE WE DON'T!!! Why then do we beat ourselves up for the things we can no longer do because of our illness?? Makes no sense at all does it? All of us with FND have a fear that the illness will get worse. We develop anxiety over losing our independence/job/career, etc. And yes, those things are a possibility, but so is recovery. There's always a chance that we will experience remission, or perhaps regain some of our lost function. Focusing on the things we CAN do is certainly going to help us progress better than focusing on what we've lost. Today maybe you can only walk to the front door, tomorrow maybe you can make it down to the sidewalk. Doesn't seem like much to some, but to a warrior it's the beginning of greater things to come.

Depression: This one is a nasty piece of work. I'm going to be honest here; DEPRESSION SUCKS. It not only sucks the energy out of you, but of everyone around you. It can be one of the most difficult areas of chronic illness to overcome. FND can take away from us our ability to walk, to speak, to work, to think clearly, independence, etc. FND brain fog can make even the smallest tasks feel overwhelming. Socializing in large groups or areas of loud noise with lots of activity can bring about the brain fog. So then we stop going out, and we begin isolating ourselves from others. We may stop visiting friends, or inviting people over because we don’t want them to see us on our bad days. We can become a shadow of the person we used to be. These are all signs of depression. When we only visit people on our “good days” we become unwitting endorsers of the idea that we are actually just fine. If you are suffering from depression, you are not alone. It can plague anyone, at any time, and for no reason at all. Please reach out to your doctor, call a friend, and seek support. Do it quickly. Do it now.

Acceptance: Accepting a diagnosis of FND looks different for each of us. It can happen at that moment, in the clinic when the doctor finally labels all of the symptoms you've been going through. It may happen later, after you've done a bit of research and realized you haven't been imagining the symptoms you've been experiencing all this time. Or it can be a slow realization that happens over time, as you begin the work to regain some of what you've lost. Acceptance involves self compassion; being kind to yourself, knowing that just because you can't do something today, it doesn't mean you can't try again tomorrow. It means celebrating the small things. By the way, we all get fooled into thinking life is about the BIG stuff. (Going to university, getting a job, getting married, having kids, buying a car, etc etc. ) Guess what? We're wrong. Life is about the little things. Life is about that amazing cup of coffee you are having this morning. It's the hug from your little one with the sloppy, drooly kisses on the cheek. It's your dog greeting you every time you walk in the door like you've been away for YEARS! It's the hug you give a friend when they're crying, or the lame dad jokes you share with your kids. FND can never take away the little things that matter. FND will knock you down, accept the diagnosis, brush the dirt off, and get to work doing the best you can do, no matter how small it may be. Remember, you are an FND warrior, surrounded by an army of people just like you. Together, we can conquer anything.

[destinationtoast]

In case it helps anyone to know -- if you struggle, you are not alone.

I think many people who who've followed me or known me for a long time probably think I have my shit pretty together. And in a lot of ways, my life is great, and I have done some cool stuff. But despite that, I struggle with mental health, and my brain is sometimes a terrible place to live. I've spent a bunch of time recently:

Feeling incompetent and like a complete imposter

Feeling like a failure and a disappointment

Feeling like I'll never be able to do any job well and will end up penniless and without healthcare (but still with chronic pain) and an enormous burden to everyone

Feeling like a waste of resources -- "I have so much privilege, and so many advantages, and I squander them by being useless and by not even enjoying my life"

Feeling like I'll never enjoy anything again

Feeling like life will never be anything except stress and despair

Lying awake feeling all my muscles clenched and my heart racing

Having a tremendously hard time getting out of bed

Having an even harder time attending work meetings or doing work

Not being able to eat much and experiencing nausea and digestive issues (where usually I tend to eat larger amounts than usual in response to stress, occasionally it flips and I have to force myself to eat)

Crying unpredictably, e.g. while doing dishes, and having to awkwardly explain to housemates

Feeling numb and impatient and distracted while trying to read/watch TV/browse Tumblr

Feeling So. Much. Guilt. And. Shame. Just constantly.

This is all in spite of the fact that (a) I have substantial and even recent evidence to the contrary about a lot of this stuff (e.g. I got feedback at work not that long ago that I was doing really well and could consider going up for promotion soon). And (b) I've had intense episodes of anxiety in the past and then gotten better, so I have plenty of examples of how these intense feelings don't necessarily predict the future.

Despite all this data, and despite my loved ones telling me wonderful, helpful things, I have spent a lot of time feeling viscerally quite horrible over the past few weeks (as well as for much longer stretches, at times in the past). And parts of my brain have compellingly argued that this will probably last forever.

I've dug myself partially out by talking to a doctor (though I realize healthcare is a privilege not everyone has, though we all should) and getting a short term Rx to help me relax at night enough to sleep. And signing up for therapy again. And discussing longer term possible changes to my meds (I'm on an antidepressant that had been working well till recently). And doing simple breathing exercises. And forcing myself to go do some small amount of work -- especially to make progress on a couple of the things i was most dreading, or to ask others for help with them. And forcing myself to eat and go for walks. And spending time petting kitties. And admitting to my closest peeps that I am struggling, and getting them to say that they'll still like me even if I lose my job. And remembering all those past episodes of anxiety and depression (as well as panicky bad drug trips) that I was sure would last forever at the time, but didn't. And realizing that life is long, and there are many ways to survive and find joy in this world -- and even if I thoroughly fuck up one path, there are other things to try.

I also had to do a big hard thing at work this week that was very stressful (definitely the dread of this has been one contributing factor in my recent spiral). Afterwards, I immediately felt drenched in relief, and feelings of interest and joy and hunger have started to flood back into my life again. "HAHA JUST KIDDING," the unhelpful parts of my brain suddenly said. I still would like to get to a much more stable place mentally, and I'm going to continue to work toward that, and to develop my toolbox for coping. But the sudden easing of some of the terrible sensations feels miraculous, and I'm grateful, and amazed at how fast my internal state can change. And even if maybe it turns out I feel worse again tomorrow, I'm going to enjoy today and try to remember that I did so.

So. If you're struggling, I empathize so much. And it's worth trying to keep in mind that:

Strong feelings of incompetence and/or certainty that the future will suck don't stem from reality. Our brains+bodies sometimes make us feel these things strongly even when actual evidence says otherwise.

That means anxiety/depression is like a bad drug trip. It feels very real, but you're likely to feel at least somewhat differently -- and sometimes substantially better -- if you can hang in there a while.

Just because your brain may be lying to you doesn't mean the resulting struggle isn't real. It's legit hard sometimes to do the basics of survival -- Eat. Sleep. Move the minimal amount needed to get food & water, go to the bathroom, etc. When you're finding those things hard, you're ill. And you deserve time off and self care and a trip to the doctor, if you can manage any of that. If you can't? If you're taking care of others/working or going to school/doing anything else on top of being ill? You're a superhero. I hope you can get others to help take some of your duties for a bit, or to help you book a doctor's/therapist's appointment, or to at least listen and sympathize and send you cute animal pics or memes.

Other people who may appear to have their shit together may not. Many of them are going through big struggles of their own.

The pandemic & state of the world right now are making things much harder for so many people. My doctor (general practitioner) told me that nobody she's seen in the past year is doing that great mentally, and the number of people having acute mental health issues has skyrocketed. Be as kind and forgiving toward yourself as you can manage (in general, and even more so now).

Good luck. Hang in there as best you can. I'm rooting for you. 💗

(Feel free to reblog or to reply, but I may not have energy to respond to comments... responding is hard right now.)

[shmegmilton]

What was James Madison sick with?

     It’s unclear. Historians have their theories (including some people who say he wasn’t sick at all he was “just a hypochondriac,” which is... an awful take. for several reasons), but there’s obviously no real way to confirm them & medical science wasn’t advanced enough for them to understand anything too complicated, so the notes we do have aren’t that much help.

The Hypochondriac Theory

   Some historians have labeled Madison’s issues as “hysteria” because Madison tended to surround himself with doctors & complain of issues that he ended up not having. After all, he couldn’t have been that sick--he lived to 85! He outlived all the other Founding Fathers! He was lying the whole time, right?

  People tend to use hypochondria (an obsession over your health to the point you think any change is indicative of a serious problem--like thinking a headache lasting more than a few hours is brain cancer) as a passive-aggressive way of saying “you’re faking it.” It’s synonymous with people who worry about nothing & do shit for attention. This is particularly true if your problem is so rare that there isn’t a lot of accurate ways to test for it, so results either come up as inconclusive or negative.

But the main thing that people don’t like to talk about when discussing hypochondria is that it doesn’t just... happen at random. I would know. I have it.

I’ve been sick since I was a newborn; I’ve had 4 brain surgeries, 5 broken arms, 3 bone marrow transplants, bone cysts, 3 eye surgeries (about to be 4), Shunt placements, ETV placements, Hydrocephalus, Osteopenia, brain damage, scars all over my body & 11 surgeries before I was 12 years old. Hypochondria is often the result of legitimate medical episodes, particularly if it’s something traumatizing--directed towards yourself, or towards a close family member.

It’s valid trauma just like anything else, and is oftentimes only “cured” through things like mood stabilizing medication, lifestyle changes, or behavioral therapy.

So, Madison having hypochondria or not is irrelevant to the whole discussion, because (as I can attest) it’s entirely possible to be suffering from hypochondria, & still have “real” medical issues.

Underweight

All of the physical descriptions of Madison we have tell us that he is 5″4′’ & “never weighted over 100lbs,” which... is probably true, but I wouldn’t say never because that’s immediately disprovable once you start looking around; apparently his official weight during his presidency was 122bs. But at that point he was 57, so things could have changed.

Hell, I was 130lbs three years ago & only RECENTLY got to that number again; it’s hard to keep on weight when you’re struggling with health issues.

Weak Immune System

Madison’s immune system has been implied to be very weak. We don’t have that many examples of childhood illnesses or such things like that, but a particularly telling example is how his family discouraged him from attending a local college in Virginia.

He wanted to go to William & Mary, but was dissuaded by his doctors due to malaria outbreaks being very common in the South during the summer. So the assumption there is Madison (who lived in Virginia all his life, summers & all) probably went through something severe recently? Maybe? It’s unclear.

So he went to Princeton (Class of 1771) in New Jersey instead, & was actually one of the first graduates to peruse extra education... but only because he was too sick to travel home & decided to stay a while longer.

Though, there’s also apparently a legend that Madison (because he finished his courseload in 2 years, instead of 3) had a mental breakdown over it & therefore needed to recuperate (with... more work?), but I’ve never been able to find that much information on it.

Seizure-Like Episodes

Following college, in July 1775 Madison attempted to volunteer as a soldier. But during a routine training exercise, Madison all the sudden collapsed (or fainted) & was reportedly unresponsive for several minutes. This would be a common occurrence for pretty much the rest of his life.

     Episodes tended to be accompanied by what Madison described as mild delirium, memory loss & a suspension of “intellectual function.” It’s led some people to theorize he suffered from epilepsy, since it’s common for sufferers to be confused, agitated or upset following an episode—because you often have no memory of it after ‘waking up’. Specifically, the behavior is theorized to be petit mal or “absence” seizures.  

“Vocal Impairment”

     Accounts of what Madison was like as a public speaker all seem to agree that he spoke so softly that it was oftentimes difficult to hear him; it was oftentimes shrill, but quiet & he reportedly had trouble raising his voice to a decent volume.

This one is a bit of a mystery, but Madison had been complaining about a “vocal impairment” as early as his teenage years, in what I can only assume to be some sort of vocal chord issue, or a respiratory problem (like trying to speak when you have something stuck in your throat.)

     As much as I dislike Hamilton, the play actually hints at this in a clever way by having the Madison character speak minimally (as well as carry a handkerchief around). Well done, I guess.

“Biliousness”

     Later in his life, Madison started suffering from something called “biliousness,” which is just an outdated term for conditions that cause gastrointestinal problems, like chronic stomach inflammation or etc.

--

      In the end, James Madison died of (we assume) congestive heart failure at the age of 85, remaining pretty alert up until the last few months before his death. He outlived nearly all of his peers (if we’re counting Burr) & probably did a lot better than what his doctors expected out of him.

[rwhague]

An Overview of Major Depressive Disorder for Writers

Society as a whole is getting better at understanding mental disorders and sympathizing with those who experience them. I believe that much of this advancement is due to the arts and the fictional portrayal of characters who live these experiences. Fiction is a mirror on society. As we tell our stories, our readers see themselves and those around them reflected back. Which is why I believe having our information about mental illnesses correct when trying to create characters is so important. That is why I have focused so heavily on what mental illnesses really look like in my blog. Today, I’m going to share you a gross overview of clinical depression and what it looks like in a person.

Feeling depressed is something everyone experiences on occasion whether that be through prolonged stress or just having a bad day. It’s not unusual to have a day when you simply don’t want to get out of bed. Generally, pressures of society keep us going and we force ourselves forward to meet our obligations. Often, those around us know we’re having a bad day because we are irritable and just generally unpleasant to be around. This, however, is not clinical depression. Clinical depression is characterized by at least 2 weeks of continuous depressed mood or loss of pleasure in nearly all activities as well as four of the following symptoms: “changes in appetite or weight, sleep; decreased energy; feelings of worthlessness or guilt; difficulty thinking, concentrating, or making decision; or recurrent thoughts of death or suicidal ideation, plans, or attempts” (Videbeck p. 281). These symptoms also impact social, occupational, or other important areas of functioning.

This last part is key, because it separates being sad and having a mental disorder. We all have periods of sadness whether it be from the loss of a loved one, a loss of a job, or broken heart, but depression impacts day-to-day living with a significant impact on the person’s life.

There are many causes of depression: chemical, hormonal, genetic, or depression can come from an extended period of grief. Short term depression if left untreated can lead to chronic depression.

Depression can occur in tandem with anxiety which I’ve written about extensively. Basically, the body has used up all its reserves for the anxiety, so it crashes. It is rare to see chronic anxiety without some form of depression.

Depression does not always look like one would think. It’s not just someone who sits around crying all the time feeling bad for themselves. I’ll paint a quick picture for you:

Anna lays facing the wall, staring at nothing as she has done for the past twelve hours. Outside her door, she hears her youngest squeal with laughter and the thud of footsteps chasing after her. Anna cringes as she draws the covers in closer. Why doesn’t the sound of my own child’s laugh make my smile? I’m a horrible person.

“Mama, would you like some dinner?”?” Joel, her oldest cracks open the bedroom door, but Anna continues to lie on her side in the dark away from the door. She shakes her head, and the door closes back.

Joel shouldn’t have to make his own dinner. I should have made it for him. I just—I feel so tired. Why do I feel so tired? And why can’t I sleep? I’m a worthless burden on my family. I should just end it all so they don’t have to put up with me.

And that is often the case with depression. It’s a lack of motivation, a lack of energy, of joy. It’s not that the person experiencing it is particularly lazy. They literally do not have any energy. This inability to function takes a toll on the person’s self-esteem and the depression feeds into itself making it worse and worse.

There are some treatment options for depression. Unfortunately, these do require some energy expenditure, and there is no guaranteed cure, just management. Sunlight, healthy foods, and better sleep patterns are some of the treatments, but consider a person like Anna who doesn’t want to eat. She lies in bed most of the day, but has trouble sleeping. In order to get sunlight, she has to have the energy to get out of bed. As you can see, the spiral of depression can swallow a person whole.

This does not mean a person should stay in the spiral. Yes, it’s hard living day to day without a functioning incentive-reward center in the brain, but if you don’t get out of the spiral, it will consume you. It will take a bit of faith to get up day after day, sometimes for a very long time without results. But those suffering from depression are not alone. Others have gone before them and succeeded.

Exercising, removing junk food from your life, treating the underlining conditions such as anxiety, and receiving therapeutic help are key to getting out of depression. But you are worth it. Your life is worth it. Get help. Surround yourself with people who will hold you accountable—not by belittling you or abusing you, but by supporting you and your efforts to get better.

I write this last bit to the writer themselves because I have seen many writers speak about their depression and their battles with mental health. Writing is not just for the entertainment of the masses. It can also be a pathway to healing for the writer themselves. As you create these characters living their struggles, reflect on your own life as well. How will Anna get out of the depression cycle? How will you?  

Disclaimer: This is a writing blog and not intended to be used as a tool for diagnosing or treating anyone with mental illness.

Psychiatric-Mental Health Nursing, by Sheila L. Videbeck, fifth ed., Wolters Kluwer/Lippincott Williams & Wilkins, 2011.

[teachingtales]

Long-Term Effects from SARS Virus

I spoke with my brother yesterday. We respect each other and understand that our knowledge is also affected by the greater society. Living in the US, he said it was like being tumbled in a dryer trying to make sense of the sensationalism. It makes him not trust news sources as a result. I totally get that and think that dryer analogy was great. He understands that being away from the US sensationalism, I don’t see it the same way.

Anyway, I told him I’d find him some info about long-term post-SARS effects, from SARS-CoV-1. I told him that while the Covid-19 death rate is higher than the average influenza outbreak, it’s not the death rate we should be worried about; it’s the after-effects. So this is just a copy-paste of what I sent him.

It is 04:19 and I can’t sleep...woke up a while ago...so I looked up some of that SARS stuff I mentioned. I had to sift through different ones because there was some criteria I set based on what you told me...I would only accept articles that were:

- published before 2019

- not published by Chinese government

- not published by the WHO

- not published by the CDC

- not published with specific types of grant/gift monies

I did find out some new things, too! Honestly this was all super interesting and a great way to spend a sleepless morning. Remember when I said that I’m so frustrated that the US has “sensationalized” this because the science is interesting enough?? It was even more interesting than I had known!

So here’s the breakdown:

- of the people studied for post-SARS complications with lung health, around 30% have them. Remember when I said the death rate wasn’t the main concern? Well, dang, I didn’t know that “long-SARS” was practically 1 in 3...damn

- One I didn’t know about: of the people studied for post-SARS complications with mental illness, around 64% have them. The mental illness is due to increased stress hormone during the illness, which “set off” anxiety, depression, and/or PTSD

- Another one I didn’t know about: while some lung improvements could be seen a year after healing from SARS, there were still “exercise problems”. So the exercise you will see on the studies is “6MWD”, which means “6-Minute Walking Distance”. While this improved a bit, even 18 months post-SARS it was far lower than the control group. Why? Well it could be related to...

- ...another problem I didn’t know about, which was how well oxygen diffuses in the body. So even with improved lung function, there are still impairments in how oxygenated one’s blood can be

- Another problem that was interesting to find was Chronic Fatigue Syndrome (CFS). I made a group to talk about living with chronic pain, and in 2020 we got this new member. They introduced themselves by saying that they had Covid-19 early on and “it turned into CFS”. I thought that sucked a lot but it was all I had heard of it. I do know that some illnesses do cause CFS, because it happened in a friend I had before. I don’t know if he had SARS specifically, but the timeline was right for it (mid/late 2000s when he had been living with CFS for a few years). So anyway, that came up in one of the studies, too.

Study with the 6MWD and other lung/oxygen issues: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC7192220/

Study including mental issues and CFS: https://jamanetwork.com/journals/jamainternalmedicine/fullarticle/415378

Just mental issues in relation to stress: https://ravikollimd.com/resources/COVID/070674370705200405.pdf

Study including mental issues and lung issues, studying survivors of SARS and MERS: https://www.medicaljournals.se/jrm/content/abstract/10.2340/16501977-2694

Longest study I found, this was a 12-year follow-up study. Some impairments in lung function still existed, but general quality of life was similar to control groups. Additionally, no cardio-pulmonary disease showed: www.ijcem.com/files/ijcem0074733.pdf

[boysandgirlsandbabes]

for the ask meme: 7 and 10 ✨

(from this ask meme)

7. what books have shaped the way you think about writing the most? why?

kind of a sidestep answer (to hide the fact that i haven’t read a book for [redacted]), but i actually think theater as a medium has influenced my writing a lot! i’ve always been really interested in playwriting because i used to love writing dialogue and HATE having to write any character/setting description or action, but i think designing/directing shows in college forced me to be a lot more intentional about how an actor or a character’s blocking and movement during a scene does so much heavy emotional lifting, and made it a lot easier/more fun for me to try and incorporate more physicality into my writing (if u ever read a scene i wrote where two characters are having a conversation and one gets up to wash dishes, and the way they wash dishes mirrors the tone of the conversation, u can thank the first director i ever stage managed for, who was allergic to having characters stand still for more than two lines of dialogue if they could be doing something thematically resonant instead). 

more broadly, i also think plays do a better job than a lot of fictional media of just, like, refusing to answer questions that they raise? (something like wolf play by hansol jung (which is like, almost bar none, my favorite play of all time) come to mind - they feel less like the playwright is trying to send you a message, and more like they’re documenting field notes on human behavior, and handing them over to you to draw whatever conclusions you want from them.) i feel a really strong compulsion when i write to tie things up very neatly (not necessarily happily, but to account for all the loose ends and make sure that all the lingering questions are answered), and i think theater is a good reminder to not just accept the easy, straightforward answer, but to let stories and people be more complex and messy and unfinished than my instincts want to allow them to be.

(putting the second answer under a cut for brief mentions of suicide)

10. which patterns keep popping up in your projects/characters?

LMAO which patterns don’t??? i am nothing if not a one trick pony 🤪

(but actually though lol: i think a lot of the fic that i write (both in and outside of hockey fandom) is about recovery – what happens when the worst thing u can imagine ever happening to u happens, and then...you wake up the next morning and the world hasn’t ended or anything? everything just keeps going? and u just have to, like, keep living thru it, i guess? that makes it sound very dramatic lmao but as someone whose number one coping mechanism for the past decade has been “well if [X] goes really badly and i fuck up my entire life i’ll just kill myself!” it is honestly like...a useful mental exercise for me to put characters in a situation where the worst case scenario does happen to them, and then be like: okay. what happens next? how do you survive this? and like, sometimes the worst case scenario is like, “i have a chronic illness and it isn’t gonna go away,” and sometimes it’s “this thing that i used to love no longer makes me happy and i don’t know where to find things that will make me happy again,” and sometimes it’s “my hometown burned to the ground and i watched my dad kill a man in front of me,” and sometimes it’s “i told my boyfriend i wanted to slap him in the face and he laughed at me.” the last one is mostly facetious but the point is like! it’s about proving to yourself that there is always a way out, and it’s worth it to try and find that way out, even if the road getting there is hard and long and scary.)

in terms of less serious things lol – you might be in a cloudsandpassingevents fic if: 

you spend a lot of time thinking about your body, or what you’ve been taught your body can and can’t do or is/isn’t good for, or how much control you do or do not have over your body, or The Body™, in general

you cannot verbally express care for another person to save your LIFE so you’re relegated to constantly using acts of service

you keep doing things “after a second” 

there are weirdly detailed descriptions of your phone use

you have a sappy thought about another character and then immediately have to do or say something incredibly blunt to get rid of the feelings cooties

you commit a food crime and/or are forced to wash dishes at some point as a metaphor for your internal emotional state

you are named nick

[illnessfaker]

also, that last addition ticks me off:

"by the way, it’s also common for people with mental illnesses (including ptsd) to “wish” they were suffering from a physical illness such as cancer— because then they’d get some kind of acknowledgement that their body was hurting them in a way they could not control."

i don't know how many times physically disabled and/or chronically ill people (many of whom are neurodivergent, whether it's a result of the stress of their conditions or other factors) have to tell y'all this but having a physical condition very much does not guaruntee acknowledgement that your "body was hurting them in a way they could not control." no, not even cancer. this can depend on the condition and other factors like your race and gender identity but either way many people with physical conditions are routinely dismissed and neglected by family, friends, peers, and medical professionals because of ableism, with the consequences sometimes being fatal.

i myself have wished i was "sick" to "show my damage on the outside" as the most succint way to describe it, but i was "sick." my abusers gaslit me into believing i was a totally normal able-bodied child being a "hypochondriac" and blamed any health problems on poor diet and lack of exercise. me being physically ill on top of a trauma survivor has not and still doesn't convince anyone in my life that i need sympathy or support. i would fantasize about wanting a wheelchair or a cane because i needed one, but thought i didn't need one and was able-bodied because i was (and still am) ambulatory. i have had an unending fixation on being "sicker" than i already am (both in terms of mental health and physical health) in a way that's definitely grounded in trauma but i try to keep it to myself for the most part (unless i think i have legitimate suspicions) out of respect ans consideration since that's very awkward (at best) for the people whose conditions i fixate on.

i don't think it's evil for ostensibly able-bodied neurodivergent people to wish they were physically "sick" or "damaged" because i get it since i was once in that position (which is why i say "ostensibly"), but also acknowledge how uncomfortable that mentality is for physically disabled and/or chronically ill people (many of whom are also neurodivergent and traumatized ourselves), and don't imply that physical conditions on average get more support and sympathy than neurodivergence. maybe this person is aware of the last point but the structure of the statement here implies otherwise.

[vincewillard-1971]

Self-Care Practices

What Is Self-Care And Why Is It Important?

Self-care is the practice of talking care of physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual aspects of your life to promote health and wellness.

Many people do not fully understand what self-care means. Read on to find out more about self-care is, examples of practicing self-care, and why it's important for your mental and physical health.

What Is Self-Care?

According to the World Health Organization (WHO), self-care is being able to promote health, prevent disease, maintain health, and cope with illness and disability with or without the support of a healthcare provider.

The WHO also mentions that self-care is a broad term and many facets of a person's life come into play, including:

•Hygiene

•Nutrition

•Lifestyle factors such as exercise level and leisure activities.

•Environmental factors such as a person's living conditions or social habits.

•Socioeconomic factors such as a person's income level or cultural beliefs

•Self-medication and following treatment plans for current illnesses.

The main goal of self-care, they must use personal responsibility and self-reliance in a way that is positively impacts their health in the current moment and the future.

What People Think Self-Care Is

•Overindulging in spending

•Binge-eating your favorite but unhealthy foods

•Participating in activities that provide instant gratification

•Going on expensive and lavish vacations

•Perfecting oneself by any means necessary

•Number bad feelings using alcohol or illicit substances

•Binge-watching television.

What Self-Care Actually Is

•Prioritizing one's physical and mental health

•Adopting healthy lifestyle habits that can be maintained long-term

•Eating a healthy diet

•Finding exercise activities that you enjoy and participating in them regularly

•Getting an adequate amounts of good quality of sleep

•Following treatment plans for existing conditions accordingly

•Taking time out for yourself to participate in healthy activities you enjoy.

What Types of Self-Care Are There

Various forms of self-care involve different activities or actions. Each form is as important as the other and drives optimal health and well-being.

Physical Health

Taking care of your physical health is a form of self-care that helps improve quality of life and prevent or manage chronic conditions.

Physical self-care will be different for each person, but ways you can practice physical self-care include:

•Getting the proper amount of exercise

•Eating regular, well-balanced meals that are mostly whole foods and stay hydrated

•Engaging in relaxing activities that can help manage stress

•Getting enough sleep

•Getting regular medical and dental care.

Mental Health

Mental self-care is designed to drive a healthy mind by practicing brain-stimulation activities and healthy mental health behaviors . Mental self-care can help you manage stress, lower your risk of illness, and increase your energy

While no two people are the same, these strategies can help you manage stress and stimulate your mind:

•Using relaxation programs or apps regularly to incorporate meditation, yoga, muscle relaxation, or breathing exercises.

•Practice gratitude by reminding yourself daily of things you are grateful for. Write them down at night or replay them in your mind.

•Participate in creative activities you enjoy

•Read a book or do a puzzle

•Play games such as Scrabble, crossword puzzle, or other brain teasers.

•Try a new hobby

•Engage in exercise

•Take adult education classes

•Seek help from a professional as needed

Relationships

Having healthy relationships is a form of social self-care all it's own. Research has shown that different forms of relationships, whether they be romantic, platonic, or familial, calm benefit overall health and well-being

On the flip side, not having lack platonic relationships, they are more likely to be subject to psychological distress and engage in unhealthy behaviors

Ways to foster relationships include:

•Regularly scheduling get-togethers (coffee, a walk, a meal, going to the movies, or just hanging out) with friends or family members.

•Connecting with community and fath based groups

•Volunteering for a local organization

•Joining a local group, such as a hiking club, knitting group,

or other interest groups.

Spiritual

Not everyone has a spiritual or religious need. However, for some people nurturing their spirit allows them to connect on a deeper level with themselves and to think beyond themselves.

Spiritual self-care practices might include:

•Meditating

•Hiking or spending time in nature

•Listening to inspirational music

•Going to church or attending virtual spiritual activities or groups

•Praying

•Talking with a spiritual advisor

Why Is Self-Care Important?

Practicing self-care regularly can bring about both short- and long-term benefits that lead to improve well-being and an improved health status

Short-Term

In short term, people who practice self-care can see positive changes such as:

•Reduced stress levels: Putting your health and needs first along with giving yourself a bit of rest can significantly reduce stress levels

•Increasing self-worth: The more you take care of yourself, the better you will feel about who you are as a person. This is because more of your core needs will be met on a regular basis.

•Feelings of belonging: A short-term benefit of spending time with others will provide feelings of belonging and love, which is good for your overall health.

Long-Term

While the short-term benefits of self-care are good, the long-term benefits are what self-care is more focused on. Some long-term benefits include:

•Managing chronic conditions: By practicing physical and mental self-care strategies, conditions such as depression, diabetes, and heart disease can be more effectively managed.

•Disease prevention: Implementing self-care practices, such as regular exercise, healthy eating, and stress management techniques, reduces the risk of a heart attack, stroke, and obesity in the future.

•Stress reduction: Stress affects all systems in the body. Chronic stress can lead to chronic health conditions. Practicing self-care can reduces chronic stress can help lower the risk of developing health conditions, such as heart disease, high blood pressure, gastrointestinal disorders, and more.

•Healthier relationships: When taking better care of our personal needs, we are better able to engage in healthy relationships partially due to increase self-esteem and self-worth.

•Improving job satisfaction: A study of nurses found those who implemented intentional self-care practices had a significantly higher job satisfaction. The authors suggest implementing self-care practices could improve job satisfaction and teamwork while reducing burnout.

Reducing burnout: Authors of a review of multiple studies concluded the solution for burnout is complex, but self-care strategies are one of several components that could be effective.

•Improve quality of life: When self-care practices help to better manage health conditions, reduce stress,or create a greater sense of belonging, overall well-being and quality of life.

How To Practice Self-Care

Building your perfect self-care plan on your personal health and lifestyle. To create a plan to encourage better health and well-being:

•Determine your overall level of health: Once you know your starting point health-wise, you can begin adding or subtracting certain activities or stressors in your life to focus on improving your health.

•Identify your stressors: Make a list of things that cause you stress in all aspects of your life. The next step is to do your best avoid certain stressors . If they are unavoidable, teach yourself coping techniques that can help lessen your stress reaction to certain situations.

•Identify your coping strategies: Everyone develops strategies to cope with health issues, stress, and other life problems. Make a list of your coping strategies and see which ones are healthy and which ones aren't. The unhealthy ones that don't serve you well can be swapped out for healthier coping mechanisms.

After completing these three steps, you can begin to formulate a plan that you can commit to.

Self-Care Strategies for People With Chronic Disease

If you have a chronic disease, your self-care plan look a little different than that of someone who does not. This is only because you will have to incorporate certain activities that coping strategies and activities that will benefit you. For example, if you have diabetes, ensure that coping strategies and activities you utilize as self-care help you manage your condition while you follow your treatment plan

Summary

Self-care is the practice of taking care of the physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual aspects of your life to promote health and wellness. It is a lifestyle that enables you to set aside time for your health to ensure your overall health and well-being now and for years to come.

If you do adopt the right techniques to care for yourself, you will be able to reap the benefits, such as better physical and mental health, the prevention or better management of diseases, and better personal and workplace relationships.

[flamyangelwings]

For a Given Value of 'Fine' Chapter 3

I swear, this was supposed to be a oneshot ^_^;

@winterpower98 just gets too many anons that inspire me. But this is the last chapter, I swear. I just needed to add Tang and the PowerPoint.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/29295903/chapters/73944804

There was something wet on his face.

That was the first thing MK registered when he woke up followed by the fact that, while his throat was a bit less sore, his head was still killing him, especially right behind his eyes, and that he felt...weirdly spent for how little he remembered exerting himself. He let out a quiet sigh and rubbed at his face, realizing in the process that the wet thing had been a cool cloth resting on his forehead and surely he didn’t have that bad a fever? The next thing he noticed was that he was staring at his own ceiling, which was weird since the last thing he remembered he had been miles away from home.

He was definitely in his bed, but...when had he gone home? He remembered climbing out his window and going up to Flower Fruit Mountain for training, and the Monkey King having hime meditate over tea, and then...Oh. Oh. And then Pigsy had shown up. Oh, Pigsy had called him Xiǎotiān. Oh, he was in so much trouble.

MK stared at the ceiling for a few minutes just regretting his life decisions, or at least the decisions of...that morning? The previous day? How long had he even slept?

He had known that Pigsy and Tang wouldn’t be entirely pleased with him, if they found out he’d gone to train when they thought he was “too sick to work”, but he hadn’t realized they’d be that displeased!

A soft rustling of paper caught his attention and, when he turned his head, MK was surprised to see Tang sitting at his desk reading. He tried to sit up but the motion sent his head spinning and MK slipped sideways into his wall with a gasp that caught in throat and quickly turned into a coughing fit.

“Oh!” Tang said, nearly dropping his book in surprise, “MK, you’re awake!” He placed his book aside quickly and jumped up to help MK sit up and pat his back. “How do you feel?” he asked, once the cough had subsided, feeling Mk’s forehead at the same time

“MmfineMisterTang” MK mumbled, attempting a reassuring smile that he could tell came out more like a grimace.

Tang’s glasses seemed to glint in the light as he looked at MK with a piercing gaze “Do you want to try that again, Xiaotian?”

MK flushed and ducked his head at the look and the usage of his proper name and bit his lip “My throat’s a lot less sore, but my head still hurts and it also kind of feels fuzzy.” he admitted reluctantly, staring purposefully at one of the drawings on his wall instead of Tang “And I’m a bit...I'm really dizzy.”

“Yes, that makes sense, some of that is probably being caused, in part, by dehydration,” Tang said, fixing MK with a look of displeasure, “which tends to happen when people decide to exercise, or go near volcanoes, or do both, with a fever.” he grabbed a bottle of water that MK hadn’t noticed before and handed it to him “What were you thinking?”

MK took a small sip of the water to avoid having to respond before realizing how thirsty he was and taking a deeper drink as Tang pressed on “How many times have Pigsy and I told you that you need to rest when you’re sick?”

“I know,” MK tried to argue, giving a stubborn pout “but I was fine! I barely had a fever! The world doesn’t-”

Tang clapped a hand on MK’s shoulder and gave a light squeeze, causing MK to pause in the middle of his sentence, “I know full well what your parents told you.” Tang said, spitting out ‘parents’ like it was a curse word, “And we have talked about it before. The world might not ‘stop because you have a runny nose’, but that doesn’t mean you can’t. Or won’t, MK. Did you even think about what could have happened? You could have fainted while on the way to the mountain, while you were in the air or over the ocean. You could have died, MK.” Tang’s grip on MK tightened as he said that, and MK felt a rush of shame as he pictured Tang sitting alone in the noodle shop, not knowing if he was alive or not, waiting for Pigsy to find him and bring him home.

“...I’m sorry Mr. Tang.” MK said in a small voice “I really thought I was-”

“Fine?” Tang repeated dryly, before taking a deep breath to calm himself “MK, what does ‘fine’ mean exactly?” he asked calmly “It clearly doesn’t mean ‘healthy’, since you’ve repeatedly claimed you were ‘fine’ when you were obviously sick, and don’t get me started on the number of times you’ve said you were ‘fine’ and on the verge of an emotional breakdown or hiding an injury!”

MK bit his lip but didn’t answer, mostly because he didn’t have an answer, fine was...fine. It was...what did fine mean?

“Anyway,” Tang continued, unaware of the mental upheaval he’d just caused with his question, “the Monkey King has given you the rest of this week, and at least part of next week off from training. He said that if he sees you on the mountain before Pigsy gives you a clean bill of health he’ll bring you back here himself. The real question is whether I am going to have to stay up here to keep an eye on you or if we can trust you to stay put and rest.”

MK winced at that statement, he hated the idea that he’d even slightly damaged Pigsy and Tang’s trust in him even if he could admit that, in hindsight, he probably deserved it. “I’ll stay put Mr. Tang.” he promised sheepishly, fiddling with the now-empty bottle in his hands until Tang grabbed it from him and started to refill it.

“Good.” the older man nodded with a soft grin that then faded into a sharp look that sent chills down MK’s spine “That means I’ll have plenty of time to work on a little...presentation for you.”

MK froze at that statement before groaning in despair and collapsing backwards onto his mattress. He sent the scholar a pleading look but held his tongue. The last time he had made the mistake of complaining about Tang making a slideshow to lecture him, he had been seventeen and the man had made him write a five page essay on the subject instead, with proper sources and citation, and had refused to tell him any stories about the Monkey King until he had finished it.

MK would take the slideshow over repeating that experience any day.

“Don’t give me that look, MK.” Tang chided, handing back the bottle and crossing his arms, “you knew full well what you were doing, and I care about you far too much to let you pull stunts like this without consequences.”

“Yes Mr. Tang.” MK sighed with a pout, taking another drink of water

Tang picked his book back up and patted MK on the head “I’ll tell Pigsy you’re alright and let you get some more rest.” he said, heading out of the apartment, MK sunk back onto his mattress with a huff, and covered his face with an arm.

The next week and a half? At least? This was going to be so boring!

-----

It was.

The next two weeks were increasingly dull. For the first few days, Pigsy and Tang constantly came up to his apartment to bring him food, or check his temperature, or just to ‘check up on him’, which and MK just knew that actually meant ‘check that he was still there’. And that stung a bit, the confirmation that he’d messed up badly enough that Pigsy and Tang didn’t trust him to keep his promise to stay put. MK knew he deserved it but...it still stung.

Pigsy had apparently texted Mei when he was missing, because she showed up and gave him a hard time for being ‘an absolute moron’. Once he filled her in on the rest, she gleefully teased him for being ‘all but grounded by his dads” which MK loudly shushed her about, worried Pigsy or Tang might hear her. If he had his way, they would never find out he felt that way about them. It wasn’t that he thought that they would think it weird or reject him for it, but it’d make everything weird to say it out loud.

Tang borrowed several new books from the library for MK to read, and it had only taken a couple for him to realize that the books had a common theme. Every. Single. Book. Had one of the characters getting sick, ignoring it, and getting worse. Sometimes even dying because of it.

Tang could be very subtle if he wanted. Apparently, this was not one of the times Tang wanted to be subtle.

Once his fever finally broke MK was allowed to do a bit of exercise, just so that he didn’t get too out of shape, but only under Pigsy’s supervision and only for a short amount of time every day. MK didn’t dare try and do any extra, he knew if he did and he was caught, not only would Pigsy place him firmly back on ‘bed rest only’, but he’d also probably damage their trust in him even more.

After two weeks, MK finally got back to full health.

-----

As eager as he was to finally get out of his apartment again, MK had also been dreading the day when Pigsy decided he was fully recovered and that day had finally arrived, emphasized by Tang showing up with a folding chair under one arm and a bag that MK just knew had his laptop in it.

MK slumped on his bed, trying his best not to glare at Tang’s laptop as the older man hooked it up to his TV. As he fiddled with one of his stim toys, the screen was suddenly lit up by a plain grey rectangle with “The Hazards and Long Term Repercussions of Straining the Human Body While In Poor Health” written across it.

Tang handed MK a binder with the same words on the cover page and pulled out a collapsible pointer.

“Alright, open your handout to the first page, we will begin with the basics. How stressing your immune system can prolong your recovery period.”

Fifteen minutes later

“And that covers the dangers and long term side effects of heat exhaustion, if you turn to page eight, we can start talking about Chronic Fatigue Syndrome.”

Ten more minutes later

“After pneumonia, the next on the list of diseases that can be acquired from stressing yourself or ignoring your body when ill is bronchitis.”

------

After a total of 45 excruciatingly boring minutes, Tang finally put down the pointer and MK closed the binder with a sigh of relief and practically collapsed backwards onto his bed.

“And what have we learned?” Tang prompted as he unplugged his laptop and put it away

“Not to make you mad at me unless I want to be bored to death?” MK tried to joke, before ducking his head at Tang’s sharp look and sighing “It’s important to rest when I don’t feel well and not just try to power through it because I could make myself way worse and permanently mess up my body.” he recited, hoping that the answer was thorough enough

Tang looked at MK and raised an eyebrow, clearly wanting something more from his response and MK sighed, “And just because the world doesn’t stop running when I’m sick doesn’t mean I need to keep going.”

That got a pleased nod from Tang, who then sat down on the bed and ruffled MK’s hair

MK pouted up at Tang, free to complain now that the lecture was over and he was safe from the threat of having to do homework “You’re really, really, good at making really boring slideshows.” he grouched, readjusting his position so that he was leaning against Tang

Tang chuckled and gave MK a fond smile “Thank you. I had two awful semesters of university with one particularly dull professor to learn that from. That man could make anything sound dull.”

“You learned well then.” MK teased, his pout melting into a teasing grin that Tang returned, jokingly cuffing MK lightly on the head.

The two sat in comfortable silence for a bit, before MK’s eyes darted up to Tang somewhat nervously “You guys...you still trust me, right?” he ventured “Now at least? Mostly?”

“What?” Tang’s gaze snapped to MK, brow furrowed in confusion and alarm, “Of course we trust you! Why is that even a question?”

“Well you said…” MK floundered “You asked…After I snuck out. You weren’t sure if you could trust me to stay in bed. And then you and Pigsy kept coming up to ‘check on’ me” MK quoted, putting finger quotes around ‘check on’, making his opinion on what they had actually meant clear.

Tang stared at MK for a moment, eyes wide in shock, before taking off his glasses and rubbing at the bridge of his nose. After a few minutes of silence Tang let out a heavy sigh, reached around MK and pulled him into his side giving him a tight, albeit one-armed, hug “MK, I’m so sorry. I should have realized saying it that way would affect you. Pigsy and I trust you with our lives. We’ve always trusted you! I swear, we really were checking on how you were feeling, we’ve never seen you that sick before and we were worried!”

“Oh.” MK didn’t quite know what to say to that. He’d been worrying about having broken Tang and Pigsy’s trust in him for nothing? That was...great. It actually was great! MK had never been so glad to find out he’d been overreacting to something! He let out a relieved laugh.

“That’s...good. I’m...That’s good.” MK grinned, relaxing into Tang’s hug “So...Anyway…” he grinned up at Tang eagerly “I’m healed...And I sat through the presentation...So…..” he gave Tang a pleading look that was betrayed by his lips tugging into a mischievous smile

Tang laughed “oh, fine” he sighed in mock irritation. He reached into the bag that his laptop was stored in and pulled out a well worn leather book. He scooched back so that he was sitting comfortable against the wall, MK following him, and opened the book to a bookmarked page

“Let me tell you about the time Sun Wukong, Zhu Bajie, and Sha Wujing got into a prank war that ended with all three of them dyed different colors....”

-------

MK: Pigsy and Mr. Tang can never find out I see them as my dads. Also MK: Literally called Pigsy ‘dad’ to his face while out of it from fever and drugged tea

That book may or may not be Tang’s personal journal chronicling The Journey. I made the story up because it seems like something that could have happened.

[uncloseted]

I know you arent a doctor so sorry if you cant answer this. But I feel like whenever I look into people's experiences with SSRIs/antidepressants, SO many people say not to do it and that the side effects are worse than the depression itself. I don't know these people ofc, but it seems like people who haven't taken them and are just listing side effects they heard of. And then I see people who have actually taken it saying it helped them deeply. Like what? Why are some people so against them?

It's all good! I'm happy to answer. So I think there are a few different groups of people that are very vocal about anti-depressants online.

The first group is people who have taken SSRIs before and had a bad experience. In general, people who have had a negative experience with a product or service are more likely to write about it online than people who have had a neutral or good experience with a product or a service, and I think this is especially true when it comes to medications. SSRIs are one of the most commonly prescribed medications, in part because they typically don't have many side effects and because they can treat a wide variety of conditions. That said, they can have side effects that are serious, especially in children and adolescents. If you're someone who's had a negative side effect, hearing that SSRIs are one of the most commonly prescribed medications might be alarming, so I can see why some people might feel the need to take it upon themselves to "educate" others about the "dangers" of SSRIs. It's also worth noting that it can take a couple of tries before finding the medication and does that work for you, and so some of the negative experiences may be from people who tried one SSRI at one dosage, decided the whole thing wasn't going to work for them, and stopped entirely. On the flip side, if you're someone that's had a positive experience with SSRIs, you're unlikely to talk about it because there's a stigma against both mental illness and SSRIs. You don't want to admit that mental illness is something you're struggling with or that you take medication to help it. Negative stories also stick with us more than positive ones, which may contribute to the feeling that there's an overwhelming number of negative stories about SSRIs but not a lot of positive ones.

The second group is people who haven't actually taken SSRIs themselves, but who are anti-psychiatry. There are lots of different reasons why people are anti-psychiatry, but none of them are worth taking seriously. Some are anti-medication in general, usually because it's "not natural", because they don't want to be "dependent" on a medication to live, or a similar argument. These are silly arguments to me. We do all sorts of things every day that "aren't natural" (driving in cars, using computers, wearing glasses). And SSRIs are typically a short-term prescription to help a person recover from a depressive episode, not a life-long medication. But even for people who do take it their entire lives... we're okay with people being "dependent" on other life-saving medication. Way fewer people accuse people with diabetes of being "dependent" on insulin.

Other people are against psychiatric medication specifically, generally because they think it's kind of like "cheating" at life. This argument is usually something like, "I was depressed and I got over it without medication, why can't you?" or "in my day, we weren't so soft that we needed medication for being sad", or "happiness is earned, you can't take the easy way out". There's a lot to say about those people, especially in the context of the US's "pull yourself up by your bootstraps," Cultural Calvinism, hypercapitalist society, but this isn't really the place for it. These people are dumb, and I feel like they're the same people who uphold hazing rituals or are against forgiving student loan debt because "I had to go through it, so should you". It's a good thing if you can lead a happier, healthier, and more productive life with less effort.

There's also a group of people who thinks that "big Pharma" is using antidepressants to "make us all compliant sheeple" or whatever, making it seem like SSRIs are the new lobotomy. Those people are typically conspiracy theorists and not to be taken seriously.

That said, there are real considerations to take into account when starting an anti-depressant, and especially an SSRI. A meta-anlaysis published in the Journal of Clinical Epidemiology found that 79% of study authors had a pharmaceutical industry link of some sort, and that positive outcomes were more likely to be published than negative ones. That can make it difficult to know exactly how effective SSRIs are in the treatment of depression.

If you have a history of bipolar episodes or suicidal ideation, SSRIs may make those problems worse. Other medical conditions (hypothyroidism, metabolic disturbance, infections, chronic diseases, hypogonadism) and mental health issues (ADHD, eating disorders, personality disorders) may present with symptoms of depression, but need a different approach to treatment, so it's important to be properly assessed.

If you're in a life situation that's causing you distress, making a change may be more effective than starting medication, and I think there's something to be said for the idea that the modern world isn't really designed to promote mental health. Studies generally find that lifestyle changes, such as physical exercise, are more effective than medication in the treatment of mild to moderate depression in most people. Talk therapy can be as effective as medications in mild cases of depression, especially when you have a good relationship with your therapist.

Anti-depressants can and do work, and if you're struggling with depression, they can be an excellent tool in helping you to recover. There's nothing wrong with taking a medication that can help you live a more fulfilling life. But they're not the best solution for everybody, so it's important to assess your situation and your options before trying them, and it's important to view finding the right anti-depressant for you as a journey instead of a quick fix.