#but goddam i cried so fucking much

[thorinkingoferebor]

you can tell who's watched tlou ep 3 already by whether they look like they cried for several hours today

[punchitmrsulu]

Omg, man, Danai is an absolute, goddam FUCKING GENIUS!!! That was one of the best episodes I have ever seen on television! Just let her write everything there is!! All the movies, all the TV shows, all the books, just let her run EVERYTHING!! I don't even know where to begin!! I need to watch it like 74 more times!

God, that was perfect, that was so fucking perfect! Us Richonners have been fed so good! SO GOOD!!!! They gave us EVERYTHING!!!!

I have so many things I need to comment but my mind is going insane!!

The way he ran after her at top speed, completely desperate after she walked out the door!!

The parallel the did when he told her to leave without him on the boat and she was like "Fuck, no!" And then in this one she gets trapped under the chandelier with the walkers coming and she tells him he has to leave her and he's like "Fuck, no!"

The apartment being a smart apartment and as soon as that wide shot of the two of them looking at each other happens, it goes "Welcome home!" AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA THAT WAS FUCKING GENIUS!!!!!! DANAI IS A FUCKING GENIUS!!!!!!

The way he watched her get undressed, that's how you do the male gaze, guys. Take notes.

The love making...OMFG the love making. THE LOVE MAKING!!!! I can't even begin to explain it, guys. I have no words. It was just...beautiful. It was just absolutely beautiful. I don't even know how to talk about it because it was just perfection. PERFECTION!!!

I mean, he cried, you know?! He cried in the middle of it because of how much it overwhelmed him, he had given up on feeling that happy and complete and loved a long time ago. I can't I can't I can't I CANNOT!!! It was like he was finding the way back to himself and to her and to them through it and it was just too much. DANAI IS A FUCKING GENIUS!!! I just have to say it again!

And on that note, the way they handled his trauma. I mean, this is 8 years of conditioning this man has been through. EIGHT FUCKING YEARS. He is 100% TRAUMATIZED. He doesn't know who he is anymore. I mean "I found a way to survive even though I was dead" HOLY FUCKING SHIT!!! I love how they didn't just brush past that, they showed the toll it took on him and how it's not that easy to get out of a prison even after the doors are open. OMG just, chef's kiss.

Back to the love making for a second, after he goes after her and they're able to get back to the apartment, bickering all the way through fighting the walkers (amazing), the way they did it, how slow it started. He wasn't sure he could approach her but he wanted to, needed to, so he does it carefully, he starts by gently pulling her by the waist and it's slow, almost unsure kisses and then it's full on UGH!!!! INJECT IT INTO MY VEINS!!!!

Just everything about this episode. Literally every single second. Give them all of the awards, ALL OF THEM!

[poppy-metal]

losing my mind over lap teasing w jordan. jordan li as an ass person. the lap dance submission is putting holes in my brain now i need movie night w the crew, you’ve taken your seat in her lap and fem!jordan just keeps her hands on your hips, forcing them back and forth, even sneaking a few bounces. you try and tell her to cut it out even though you can feel your panties sticking to your poor empty wet cunt, knowing that as soon as this room clears out, she’s gonna have you bent over, face mashed into the mattress while you clench around her fat strap. she’ll grip and squeeze your ass, watching the fat spill between her fingers. won’t be able to take her eyes off the recoil.

whines and cries and throws a fit

fem!daddy jordan :((( sitting in their lap all night nd getting more and more frustrated the longer you're not alone with them, you love the others, but you want to get fucked and they're clit blocking you. panties sticky as you shift around in jordans lap, empty pussy clenching whenever jordan squeezes your hips or bounces you on their knee. its kinda a game to them, seeing how long you last before you get so needy you cant even be social anymore. andre tries joking with you and you're bratty now, rolling your eyes at him and pouting. so cute. jordan is quick to kick everyone out then, "alright, losers, parties over. get the fuck out of my room."

n you'd be more embarrassed at the knowing look in everyones eyes and even the smirk on cates face if you weren't so goddamed wet between the legs. its not long after that you find yourself bent over, ass up, arms hugging your favorite plushie that you keep at jordans as they kiss up your arched back, fat strap pushing inside that needy cunt.

"fuck - you fucking take it so good. this what you wanted? daddy's fat cock in your pussy?"

you're already out of it. wet hole sucking their strap in as they pound into you from behind. you're backing up on it, the fat of your ass bouncing off their pelvis. still you manage to babble your assent, "yes - yes daddys cock in my pussy - wanted daddy's cockkkk - fuck, fuck, fuck. daddy!"

god, you're so hot like this this. just completely lost on their strap. mindless for it, body moving on instinct, to the point where they dont even need to fuck into you, because you're just fucking taking it. hungry pussy slamming back against their dick, and they just lean back, grip the bouncing globes of your ass and spread the cheeks - so they can look at the lewd fucking view of that juicy pussy speared open on them, impaling yourself up and down on it.

"that's it, baby. work that pussy on my dick - fuck you're so fucking hot. god, the way you back up on it - shit."

and hearing how much it affects them, even if the strap isn't their real cock, and it can't possibly feel as good for them as it does in masc!form - despite their multiple reassurances that it feels fucking amazing - you still need to hear it. need to know they enjoy it as much as you. so you look back at them as you start slammping your ass down even harder on the silicone cock, eyes big and doe like. bottom lip jutted out, "yeah? daddy likes it? daddy likes my pussy?"

you say it so high pitched and girly you nearly make them cum right there. their teeth dig into their bottom lip and they have to look up at the ceiling for a second to get their bearings, "jesus, fuck." - fingers digging into the fat of your waist as you dont let up, working your cunt on them as best you can. you take the time to admire how their chain bounces around their throat a little, the sway of those hot fucking tits - before they look back down and you see the shift in their expression. practically as feral as you now.

"fucking - c'mere." they come over you, their chest pressing down against your back, tits against your shoulders, and you feel their arms come under you, band around your waist. hunched over you almost, they dig their knees into the bed, getting balance and you know that means you're really fucking in for it, when they're bracing themselves like that. their hips drag back, thick strap sliding out of your cunt till just the fat head teases at your slick opening. "gonna fucking show you how much daddy likes this pussy-"

they slam inside - from then on its a proper pounding. you can do nothing but let your eyes roll back and let soundless screams fall past your lips as your little cunt is pummpled into the mattress. the wet slap of the base of the silcone meeting the juicy lips of your pussy fill the room, along with the shaking of the bedframe from the way they're using their braced knees as momentum to fuck you down into it. you doubt many men can fuck their wives as good as jordans fucking you right now with their strap.

"uh, uh, uh, uhhhhhhhh - da- d- daddyyyy-"

"yeahhhh - yeah. you love that big daddy dick in your little girl cunt - "

"uh huh uh huh uh huhhh."

"gonna fuckin' cum in you. gonna breed this pussy full with this fucking nut -"

because of course jordan has the kind of strap that cums. fuck, you're the luckiest girl in the world.

[naddpod-encounter-tourney]

Option 1:

Enemy: High King Durretar, Ancient Blue Dragon of the Sapphire Scale

Episode: C3 E27: King of Dragons

Time: 48:48-2:11:35 (battle stops at 2:03:55 but initiative ends at the later time)

Finish: Princess Shiverblight

Notes: On 3, regicide! The level 8 party decides to fight an ancient dragon on their own when only one of them manages to long rest beforehand. The mechanics of this encounter include dragon riding and are so goddam cool. It's also incredibly visual and one of Murph's best uses of lair actions to date.

Propaganda: (anonymous) CMON ITS KING OF DRAGONS. SO SICK. genuinely from the bottom of my heart the most exciting, interesting, and cool encounter I've ever seen. Rad as hell both mechanically and plot wise. SHIVERBLIGHT SWEEP!!

MY SUPERBOWL OF DND FIGHTS!!!!! TRULY SO ICONIC AND FUN!!!! COMBAT OF ALL TIME

I mean, come on! It was a giant fucking sky battle on the backs of dragons, unbelievably cinematic, lots of close calls, princess shiver blight, nothing comes fucking close!

Princess Shiverblight MVP

you know.

it's just so sick and scary

Option 2:

Enemy: Lord Ultrus and the Order of the Runny Eye

Episode: C3 E44: Trial by Steel and C3 E45: Lord Ultrus

Time: 1:04:08 (44) - 1:42:08 (45)

Finish: Hardwon (traps Ultrus in the Kingshammer)

Notes: Hardwon starts the battle with a Battlemaster ability. Jaina and Calder finally get involved in a fight (from inside the helm!!). Callie joins them inside the helm, and Ultrus and the cultists keep swapping who is inside the helm and who is outside the helm. Hardwon has a real Hardwon moment of standing alone, facing down a god (or a giant who made a deal with a god and has the powers of a god, who was responsible for the death of his best friend). Sol does some shenanigans and kind of keeps missing but is also impossible to hit. Kenna keeps saving lives. I cannot actually describe in words the moment where Hardwon regains the Kingshammer, casts Spirit Guardians, and an army joins them, as we get to finally see Cobb's final moments and the memory that was stored in the hammer. Jake is playing 2 PCs wonderfully. Also: "Hardwon! Catch!"

Propaganda: (anonymous) Not only is the battlefield dynamic and engaging (having Ultrus and his cronies switching between battlefields, making it effectively two battles at once) it also has narrative emotional stakes and big character moments (Old Cobb’s last words to Hardwon).

(also this post)

The concurrent battles in the material plane and in the demiplane, Ultrus's ability to switch between the two so everyone got to fight both him and the warlock goons, the extra abilities stolen from the trapped prisoners, the mechanics for breaking out of the helm, HARDWON AND JAINA AND THE DWARF DADDIES

god i know so many people will add this one but i love it so much. the way they jump back and forth between the Trial by Steel and the fight inside the helm is SO GOOD. i still have goosebumps from Jaina throwing the queenshammer through the barrier and Hardwon catching it. also the stakes were SO HIGH it was FANTASTIC. 10/10 combat

HUGE!!!! ITS HUGE!!!!! omg where to even start with this. the rolls alone feels INSANE AGSHAJDJSKD. JAINA AND CALDER. THE MOMENT WITH THE KINGSHAMMER. CALDER SUCCESSFULLY TACKLING ULTRUS. HARDWON GETTING A 30 TO PUT HIM IN THE HAMMER. THE SPIRIT GUARDIANS???????? I CRIED

truly the epitome of murph encounters! two different battles waging at the same time, with different combat styles (one big enemy vs lots of weaker baddies) in different planes, that then switch so everyone gets to fight in every situation. great group of PCs and NPCs that make excellent choices (shoutout to jake for playing two characters at once!), tons of emotional beats, and a very satisfying narrative closure to the arc. gotta love it

[scary-friend]

This is for me, it’s been eating away at my brain and I just need to make a vent piece. So view at your own risk.

I have been in therapy, but this is something I need to cope with in my own way.

Tw, csa, violence, and foul language.

I fucking hate you so goddam much. You fucking price of human waste. I truly hope that you’re dead, every time I think of you I want to throw up. I WAS A FUCKING CHILD. I WAS 12 YOU FUCKING NASTY FUCKER! I just found out my parents were divorced, my dad moved out and I haven’t seen him in months. I was so fragile emotionally, I was all alone, and YOU RUINED EVERYTHING! I hope your wife left you, I’m so glad you got fired, I just wish it happened sooner. Everyone knows you’re a nasty motherfucker. Even if its not the reason you finally got fired, everyone fucking knows now you piece of shit!

It’s been so long now, every time I had to walk into that class room I felt off, like something was wrong. I was so young I didn’t even understand what you did to me. You nasty fucking freak. I hope you get hit my car, I hope you get set on fire, and more than anything I want you to rot. I what you to get stabbed, one knife for each of your victims. We were children, you had children of your own. I hope they fucking resent you, I hope you die alone. I NEVER WANT TO SEE YOUR FUCKING NASTY FACE AGAIN! I WANNA KICK YOUR FUCKING TEETH IN!

I thought everything would be okay that year, but then you showed up and RUINED MY LIFE. I WANT MY FUCKING CHILDHOOD BACK YOU VILE MONSTER.

I remember a teacher said you got fired, and I felt so happy, i hated you then and I didn’t even understand how fucking sick you were yet. And then he admitted it was just a joke, and I felt so fucking crushed. I’d fake being sick just to avoid seeing you. How fucking dare you. HOW FUCKING DARE YOU. FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU! HOW FUCKING DARE YOU LOOK AT ME, HOW FUCKING DARE YOU TOUCH ME, HOW FUCKING DARE YOU SMILE AT ME IN THE HALLS LIKE YOUR NOT THE FREAK WHO RUINED MY CHILDHOOD.

How fucking dare you sign my year book, wishing me well, I fucking hate you so much.

I was a child who just wanted a friend, i just wanted my family to be whole again. I was so lonely, and you victimized me for it. Well fucking guess what! I have more love and friends than you ever did or ever will for that matter. I’M NOT THE ONE WHOS UNLOVABLE, IM NOT DISGUSTING, AND IM NOT RUINED, THATS YOU! HOW DARE YOU PUT YOUR HANDS ON ME! I HOPE YOU ROT, I HOPE YOUR LIFE CONTINUES TO FALL APART, AND YOU’RE LEFT WITH NOTHING!

You got fired because you shoved a kid into a wall, how fucking pathetic are you. You can’t just let us be happy or enjoy our lives, you have to fuck it up because YOU’RE A PATHETIC PIECE OF SHIT! No one believes you retired. Every single student knows how much of a fucking creep you are. ROT IN HELL!

It’s been years, but I’ve finally forgotten your face. I’m so thankful, you don’t deserve to be remembered. You’re just a filthy parasite. I’ve dreamed of you, you were taunting me, saying I can’t do anything now. But then, you were gone, just a red pile on my floor. I killed you that night in my dreams and I’d never been so happy.

My therapist thinks you’re fucking pathetic too. She wishes she could hit you with her car, and that you would just die already. I feel the same way. I might not ever fully heal from what you did. But at least I can go to sleep knowing I’m loved and cherished such wonderful people. While you have no one. I’m so much more, I’m not a fucking victim, I’m a survivor. You can’t victimize me anymore. It’s not my fault, I WAS A FUCKING CHILD, HOW DARE YOU MAKE ME FEEL LIKE I WAS DISGUSTING. YOU FUCKING MONSTER!

I hope you don’t rest, I hope you get dragged kicking and screaming to hell. And I hope you get eaten alive.

It’s been almost nine years now. I finally figured it out when I was 17. I googled the term, I had to learn it from a fucking tv show. I read that definition and I cried for 30 minutes, I screamed. I fucking remembered what you did. I tried to tell myself it wasn’t real, that I was just overthinking it. But I know what you did. I’m not lying to myself anymore. IF I EVER FUCKING SEE YOU AGAIN, I WILL FUCKING END YOU.

I don’t even think of you often, I only think of my dreams where you die. How dare you seep into my mind like a fucking disease. All I picture is my dream of you getting swarmed by bugs and eaten alive. That’s what you fucking deserve.

I’m not making it up, I’m not a lier as some dumbasses would tell me. You’re the Fucking Freak who hurt me. I’m not disgusting, YOU ARE!

You’re nothing more than a bad thought, when I wake up in the morning. You’ll be a distant memory. I hope you’re dead.

I’m tired of being told to forgive you. You don’t deserve anything, let alone my forgiveness. I’m never going to forgive you for what you did. The only thing you deserve is to be run over and set on fire. FUCK YOU!

Breath in, 1-2-3-4, Hold, 1-2-3-4-5-6-7, Breath out, 1-2-3-4-5-6-7-8

You’re okay, he’s gone now, clear your mind.

( ❤️‍🩹, ❤️‍🩹, ❤️‍🩹, ❤️‍🩹, ❤️‍🩹, ❤️‍🩹, ❤️‍🩹, ❤️‍🩹, ❤️‍🩹, ❤️‍🩹, ❤️‍🩹, ❤️‍🩹)

To all of you reading this, who made it this far, I love you all so much. You make me feel loved, you make me smile, you make me feel beautiful, you make me feel worthy of everything. You’ve helped me so much more than you know. And if you’ve also suffered I truly hope we can heal together💕 You’re beautiful, you’re wonderful, you’re amazing, and you’re a survivor. Don’t let anyone make you feel lesser for being as strong as you are.

[beingdreeyore]

Things have been a little darker here than I've let on. A little lower. Between being sick, the long hours at work, the mess that was exam season... it feels very lonely.

A friend of mine from work is getting married in a few weeks. We are on the same psychiatry training program and at the same stage. She cried to me the other day saying she doesn't know how to survive the training anymore. Her mother cooks and drops off all her meals, her fiancé has taken over all the housework. They have planned dates together every week as it helps her mood. He covers all their bills easily with his wage, so hers is to spend as frivolously as she likes. All that support and it still feels too hard.

While she was crying she acknowledged that she didn't know how I was surviving. No family support here. No partner. No one to occasionally dump all the stress on. The extra shifts just to cover all the rent increases.

I didn't say anything because I didn't know how to respond. You're not supposed to say how difficult it is facing things like this without a person, and after so many years of being alone I'm just supposed to be good at it.

And I am. I guess. But it's lonely. It's so goddam lonely. I can fill my days and I can have multiple hobbies and I can do all the stuff that makes you feel good on the inside. And none of that changes how lonely it is to not have someone to share life with.

S the ex and I had a massive fight. Two, actually. I don't mention him anymore because people like to send me nasty anons from time to time when they read about him. It's easier to internalise it all. We aren't together but he breadcrumbs me and on days like today it hurts so much. On days like today it feeds the sadness. It makes me wonder how much I must hate myself to keep falling for it. Why is it that I so desperately want to believe his words when his actions scream something louder?

It's a rough day today. Tomorrow won't be better. I have 3 x 14 hour shifts this week and I'm already tired. I'm so fucking tired. I don't know what to do about anything anymore.

It's a low day. They happen. Today just happens to be the lowest day that I've had in awhile. And I'm so sick of facing it all alone.

[asideofkimchi]

Gush about Yoosung for the ask game 💚

So I’ve put this off for days because…while this is FINALLY my chance! to gush! About the husband!! …i don’t know where to start. I’m definitely overthinking it, I know I am lol. And yet…!

Well, I’m on my way to the airport for my honeymoon rn. What better time than now to indulge in thoughts of the husband lol.

Hm… Yoosung and his route, I can confidently say that he altered my brain chemistry. I have several favorite characters, sure, we all have our little guys. But only two characters have ever fundamentally integrated themselves into my psyche, and goddam did Yoosung hit me hard. Without getting into too much detail (to try to keep this positive), my life was at an ideal spot to see myself reflected in Yoosung’s character arc. He charmed me with his silly but earnest personality and then the game hooked me with the realistic portrayal of his depression and loss. My emotional investment in this character was growing exponentially, and by the time he goes to Mint Eye, I started calculating the average times to expect chatrooms, I was so nervous for him! Legitimately anxious! Every chatroom moved me more and more, every sweet, genuine word he said went straight to my heart. I’m pretty sure I was tearing up, if not straight up crying, throughout this route, especially during his speech in the Good Ending.

Hm I mostly talked about the game and how it affected me. Let’s do some quick Yoosung bits that I love:

He dyed and styled his hair after Rika, after losing her. Characters who do that to remember their loved ones and keep them close, I eat that thematic shit UP.

Even when it’s not his route he has a mad crush on you, but he puts his feelings aside and wishes for you and the other person’s happiness.

I have SO many screenshots saved on my phone of messages with him. I don’t care if they’re the same thing over and over, every time I play I have to screenshot whatever sweet or hilarious thing is said.

I have so many screenshots because I play the game like about twice a year. It’s such a comfort game to me, and even when I should be trying to complete the bad endings (fuck you, Ray route bad ending 3), I just gravitate to Yoosungie.

So YOOSUNG is actually the reason behind Cutiefly being my favorite pokemon. When I first played moon I named my cutiefly Yoosungie, because of cutie-pie Yoosung. And that pokemon stayed on my team the entire time, all the way through becoming Champion. So me gushing about cutieflies is really me gushing about Yoosung.

He’s just so GENUINE about his emotions!! He’s not afraid to express any of it! He loves, he cries, he laughs, he rages, he doesn’t hide how he feels.

He’s so goddam cute and he KNOWS IT. He knows he’s fucking adorable!! And he isn’t ashamed of it! Others try to tear him down like no one wants a cute man but he owns it!

Man’s also bit of a freak and I want to devour him.

Speaking of devouring. His whole omelet thing. In the april fool’s dlc. Oh my fucking god. Oh my jesus christ. Picture this shitty meme I would make: me wearing a shirt that says “no vore kink” -> omelet!sung saying “i dream of someone tearing me apart in their hands and devouring me” -> my shirt “one vore kink”

SPEAKING OF april fools. I will never get over Punk!Sung. It was so fucking funny. Devastating that it never came back. I can’t remember anyone else’s deal but Punk!Sung is ingrained into my brain. I can never get rid of my icon. I’m stuck with it and I love it ..know what i’m sayin’?

Wait I’m going back to the omelet thing because he loves to COOK! He dreams of cooking his beloved delicious meals! He just wants a sweet and domestic life like that’s his big fantasy: Making a loving home environment through cooking and cleaning and doing laundry with and for his SO.

He feels bad that he doesn’t compare to like Zen or Jumin or Seven which is. Frankly ridiculous. Like he feels they’re more handsome and talented and rich and smart so there’s no way anyone would like him in comparison. But he is the sweetest, the bravest, willing to fight for his friends and put himself in danger and he’s happy to do so to protect his friends!! Wht the fucj!! He sees himself as some regular dude and still does this!! TRUE SUPERMAN YOOSUNG. BIGGEST HEART.

ALSO. THE MAN GETS INJURED FOR YOU. RECOVERS. GETS HIS MOTIVATION BACK. GRADUATES EARLY. BECOMES A DOCTOR. OWNS HIS OWN VET CLINIC. MARRIES YOU SOMEWHERE IN BETWEEN ALL THAT. ALL WITHIN FOUR YEARS.

JUST WHAT THE FUCK. I LOVE YOOSUNG KIM.

I am so sure I could come up with more but honestly. I started typing this at like 4am today and now it’s after 7pm, I’m heading to ANOTHER airport now after spending a day out with my husband, our honeymoon just getting started.

…also I brought Yoosung to the honeymoon with us. I suggested it as a joke but well. He was represented at our wedding last year, he’s joining us now for the honeymoon. I’ll try to take pictures of him later.

Anyway. I love Yoosung Kim, thanks for coming to my tedtalk. I’ll try to be more coherent next time.

[slickshoesareyoucrazy]

Happy Every Day

So I'm here at the cemetery, and there's finally some straw down over what I really hope is grass seed over your grave. Your stone's lined up correctly now. And there's a vase. No flowers in it, but still. Maybe I'll bring some flowers again sometime now that there's a proper place to put them. Where it's clear they're YOURS. And there's an extra hole drilled in your stone beside the vase for my cup I brought last time that's holding all the rocks I've brought so far. I wasn't expecting that. But I'm glad it's there. Everything I've brought you so far is still there. And there's like...an official space for more rocks. Someone's been here and made a space for that. I don't know who or why, but I'm glad it happened.

Anyway, I brought you more rocks today. Little ones, but they're pretty. And they're for you. You know S went to your funeral with me, because she already had the day off work and J couldn't burn a day because he's saving them all up for Europe in a week and his bike trip this year. And then she ghosted on me. Of course. You have shown up for me more dead...as a literal ghost...in the past 3-4 months than she has, living (for real, in the 'corporeal' sense...your goofy word) 15 minutes from me. But before she disappeared, she sent me perfumed soaps and bubble bath and shit to the house right after Christmas (does she know me at all?...don't answer that, wiseass). And with this assortment of shit I never have wanted or used came this little packet of rocks that her hippy friend who makes the soaps deemed magical in some sort of way to make me 'Happy Every Day.' (Again...like...my best friend fucking died, you attended his funeral with me, and your response to my grief was to send me fancy soap and magical rocks for me to be Happy Every Day? Um...juuuuust a bit outside.) I remember thinking ok...I can use the soap and shit even though it's not my thing but what the fuck am I supposed to do with this bag of rocks?

Well, man, I brought them to you. God damn, I miss you terribly badly still every day. I cried a lot yesterday when the locket came and J helped me fashion the new version of the necklace I'm gonna wear every day...like...the snotty ugly kind of crying. I'm crying now standing here, happy and gratefully relieved someone else cares to come and there will be some goddam grass the next time I come, after Europe. I plan to bring you a rock or two from Europe. Definitely Ireland. Probably Paris. Hopefully London too since I keep getting that 'walks in London you can't miss' book into my hands at work. The Boy has his best friend over right now. He's gonna mow our grass for us while we're away. So I'm headed home, but because this is basically how I talk to you now...I have to share that one row above you and about 5 graves to the left, someone set out a six pack of Miller Lites. I'm gonna stick with rocks and the occasional flowers but 😂❤️😂❤️😂.

Anyway, I hope you like my necklace. I'm glad you seem more settled and safer this time. I'm strangely honored there's a permanent place for my rock pile. 🥹❤️ Those specific rocks did not succeed in making me happy every day. And I'm crying and I still hate that 'going to see/hang out with my best friend' means coming to the cemetery, but you know...I am pretty much happy every day. I cry a lot and I fucking miss you, but I am happy when I come here. To see you and hang out. I love you. See you in a few weeks. With foreign rocks. ❤️❤️❤️❤️

[soupct123]

Trascript of my live tweeting of transformers earthspark season 1c

Barely spoilers but still gotta be cortious corteios courtus courteus howbt f do spell whatever its uner cut

12:18 AM

Watching earthspark now HOLY SHIT [REDACTED] MOMENT!!!! [REDACTED]!!!! [REDACTED] IN A COMIC BOOK PANEL FOR 2 SECONDS!!!!!

12:20 AM

Grimlock is such a guy <3 hes so dude!

12:29 AM

God damn jawbreaker’s dino head looks worse than I thought it would why is your mouth THERE boy 😭

12:38 AM

HIS MOUTH I. ANT IM TRYING TO ENJOY IT HUT GODDAM HIS FUCKING MOUTH

WHERE’S THE BEAK????!!!!

12:38 AM

He looks like the yee dinosaur.

12:39 AM

His new robot mode looks like half life hev suit

12:41 AM

EPISODE 2 [REDACTED] IS BACK

12:43 AM

“PRIMUS’ BEARD!” fucking goober

12:45 AM

SUS PRIME MOMET!!!!

12:47 AM

Quintus prime looks like the airbender guy from legend of korra

12:47 AM

or maybe walter white

1:01 AM

These ads are ficking killing me id rather watch gran turismo trailer while someone drills my stomach with a rusty power drill

1:02 AM

Robby do the specium beam attack robby do it now your losing robby robbt robby!!!!

1:07 AM

SHE’S ALIVE SHES ALIVE YES YEYSGEGEGWVW EV SVEGEGEHEKDBSGSVEVDVD. RCECDVEBTBDVGRGDHSGDGSG GOD GRDYHSVD

1:09 AM

WAS THAT HEDORAH????

1:12 AM

Paramount+ is breaking becore my very eyes it’s almost as bad as hulu-HOLY SHIT STARSCREAM!!!!

1:15 AM

It’s not hedorah it’s fucking shockwave’s driller pet from dark of the moon! (Spoiler It isn’t it just reminds me of her)

1:23

This is some fetish shit right here what the guck

Croft you piece of shit you and mandork

Starscream is so fucking cunty!!! AND CUTE!!!

1:24

Pikmin ad! Im gonna pull off my own nails!!!!

1:36

Metamorphosis (1990) moment

1:36

DADDY MALTO IS BACK IN THE THIRD FUCKING EPISODE YES I LOVE HIM

1:52

“dO ByUo WONt-BABANA BWEAD???” I WANT to FUCKING STEP IN A BEARTRAP

1:55

CARVE HIM LIKE A TURKEY GIRL!!! YES!!! CHILDREN LOVE VIOLENCE!!!

1:59

SOMEONE REPAINT BEAST MACHINES SILVERBOLT INTO QUINTUS PRIME NOW!!!!!!!

2:01 AM

Actually cried so much and it’s only episode 4 got damn

2:10

Shaggy and scooby doo ass bitches

2:16

I swear that’s the fucking moving platform and button activation sound effect from portal 1

2:25

Ghoids? GHOIDS????? GHOIDS????!?? CROFT YOU DUMBASS RACIST WASTE OF MOLECULES!!!!

2:57

omg im literally love incarnate one episode left agagsvsvsv

3:02 AM

“The Last Hope” GAMERA?????

3:59 (1ST VIEWING COMPLETE)

Still my favorite show

I made enough tears to drown that piece of shit mandroid

Only flaw with these episodes is that he needed to get tortured more

And also that hashtag never interacted with skywarp. No payoff for that gay ass fake backstory from episode 10 lol

4:05 AM

WAIT A GODDAMN SECOND TARANTULAS WASNT EVEN IN IT BOW COULD THEY DO BRO DIRTY LIKE THAT DUCING GAVEVEGEHSJWJSBEBEHRH 0/10 RUINED FOREVER

Guys. JUST KIDDING. It’s fine. Still love you. Good night. It’s 4 in the morning where i am.

[reasonsilovemywife]

<witty title here>

I’m in my feels this morning, pain is particularly bad this morning and I just... /sigh.  Waiting for my pain meds to kick in and I realized one of the most terrifying things I learned as an adult is that almost everything around us is just made up bullshit. When I was a kid, we were all told, “Go to school, go to college, choose a career, graduate, get the job you want, work 40 years in a fulfilled life spending my last years playing a fucking guitar or something” But that story has no real truth to it anymore.  I say anymore, I’m not sure it had truth to it in the 70′s for most people honestly.  It’s just like this great lie we were sold when we were too young to even know to question it.  One of the constant comments I read all the time are folks saying how much better off now than we’ve ever been as a species.  Technology is flourishing and if you ignore the giant steaming pile of wailing malodorous corpses, Capitalism is the viagra of unabashed human progress.  But I would honestly argue that this may be one of the worst times to be sentient because we have self awareness because I have emotions and feelings and I am acutely aware of the fact that I’m trapped in time and that one day I will die.  I know all that but I have no idea why the fuck I’m here.  What purpose, if any, does our existence bring.  This conundrum is so deeply ingrained in us that people dress up in funny clothes every week and listen to an even funnier dressed man tell them a bat-shit fucking insane story so well crafted it’s able to push the wailing cries of existential dread down into the gut for a while.  This will never be resolved in my lifetime or years.  This might never be resolved.  Our innate sense of self awareness coupled with the reality of our own demise might be the greatest unintentionally hilarious cosmic absurdity that we are all doomed to play out.   And with that boiling cauldron of ontological excrement hanging around our necks and filling our nostrils day in and day out it amazes me how willing some people are to numb themselves to it.  Like.. I get it, I understand constantly staring at this unknown abyss could fuck you up pretty good but I don’t know what it says about us that in the face of this existential nightmare that we not only continue to function but we actively castrate anyone who says this shit.   I’m sure I’ll get comments or messages telling me how “edgy” or “immature” or “childish” I’m being by saying this out loud and maybe some folks can walk hand in hand with death on the precipice of nothingness but I’m reaching for the pill bottle just thinking about it.   No wonder people aren’t willing to work minimum wage jobs getting harassed by some doe eyed dipshit.  We do not have time for that.  The clock is ticking and the last thing we should have to concern ourselves with is filling out a goddam spreadsheet, getting paid barely enough to afford food, having zero chance of upward mobility, being tacit perpetrators of a broken social order, having every one of our actions be unethical by fucking design and the list goes on. LIke... fuck me but can we just burn all this to the ground because I’d really like to meet that chasm of nothingness knowing that I at least made the pointlessness of our absurd existence  a little bit better for the poor bastards coming behind me.  .... holy shit that was unhinged....  well, have a happy new year, everyone.

[endlesssadness]

I'm 27 and stil don't really understand the relationship with my parents. I still have the feeling "when will I be an adult?" but the real question is "when did I stop being a child?". I know I was 11 and was tied up to this stupid hospital bed begging my mom to end my life because of the pain I felt in my hips. While my brother grow higher and getting skinnier I grow higher and bigger. When I was in the hospital at 11 a doctor told to my mom she should give me 1 apple and 1 joghurt a day and I will start losing weight. I was 11! My mom still shakes her head over the words of the doctor but I'm sure she thought about to try it. Every summer I cried and hide my belly in big hoodies and all my mom and dad is telling me I need to stop eating and losing weight. Goddam I was still a child. My brother never needed to do something he doesn't want to. But I had to go to "fat-camps" and talking with strangers from the health insurance about my eating habits. "Food need to be less important for her" she said to my mom. Since I can think back is food the most important thing in my life. Always hungry. Never enough to feel full. Always feeling shitty after eating something unhealthy. When I was 19 the doctors finally had a answer for my uncontrolled weight gain. PCOS. That bitch. "Lose weight" they said after I tried 3 times taking hormones and ended up every time in the ER because of excessive bleeding. My fucking ex showed me how to starve and I lost 40kg in 5 month. He controlled every single bite I took and got me from one ED to another ED. But that's a whole other story. Of course my parents where so proud of me because I became smaller and smaller. But than they needed to pay for the therapist because I was close to go super crazy. After leaving my ex I was completly lost. How should I eat now? My therapist told me first care about your mental health. And with my new bf I started to enjoy food again. I gained 15kg back but still hate every kilo. Before the 15kg I was still overweight and now I'm stuck. I'm starving and binge but my parents still applause when I look little bit smaller that 2 weeks ago. I always thought my parents and I having a good relationship but everything I did, every problem I had I faced it alone. They never helped me. I always felt awkward for who I am. Mom asked me some weeks ago why she shouldn't take me to the ER when I was bleeding so much back in the days. I asked my best friend to bring me and pick me up after the operation. Mom, because you never accepted me for who I was. And still I can't say the truth to you because you will never understand it from my point of the view. You were never the mom I needed and deserved. I'm still struggling to allow feelings. When I start to feel happy I shut myself down the next second. YOU and dad never showed me to accept myself bc you didn't accept me for who I was. When I was 15-16 years I walked down the stairs and the family computer was on. Google was open and the search bar said "help my daughter keep gaining weight". HELP??? WTF HELP?????? You needed help??? I was so shocked I pretended nothing happend like always. My mask, my acting was so perfect that both of you were so shocked and surprised when I told you after 9 years that I'm so depressed I was close end my life before I went abroad for 3 month. When I was a child I was so so shy. I always hide behind my parents legs and when I visit friends, even as a teen, I couldn't barely saying "hello" to their parents when I met them. My mom and dad always forced me to play with stranger children but I don't wanted and I just felt so uncomfortable. "Be like her, act like him, just go and say hello, ask if they want to play with you, just be nice,..." I WAS NEVER THE CHILD YOU WANTED. I still try to accept this and I still try to understand why my parents did this all. Why I needed to grow up so fast. Why?

[cubedmango]

i have not had time yet to sit down and rewatch the final episode to write comprehensive thoughts but i did absolutely need to tell u i looked at the endings songs lyrics like right before work and i was just like. on the floor. in so much pain. I CAN SEE WHY U LEFT IT TO THE END BC IT HITS SO HARD.... LIKE WHAT ARE THE LYRICS SO SWEET FOR??? my god like first we have "like, say, its cold out but your smile is all warm" IM SICK!!! MY HEARTS SO WARM HEARING THAT... ADACHIS SMILE IS HIS WARMTH...

AUGH YEAH literally at first i wasnt gonna translate the song bc i wasnt sure if i could do it well but i had to do it anyway for ep4 so i did the whole song and let me tell u . the experience of reading those original lyrics and Finally Getting What They Really Mean Was . Something Else I Swear ..... then i jst knew i had to post it after ep13 so it would Hit Hard for everyone else too 😔 (putting the rest of ur asks under the cut for length akfjkdsf)

2/ "every chance comes after endless waiting" im just remembering how live action drama kurosawa was in love with adachi for like 7 years or some crap and like ok im normal totally ... "want to muster courage, hold your hand just once" IM SO. IM SOOO NORMAL ABOUT THESE LINES... its such a simple request and yet it means the absolute world... and the way both of them sang the line... and im just. i remembering ur headcanon how adachi thought he may had only one last time to hold kurosawas hand

THE SEVEN YEARS DONT REMIND ME GOD !!!!!!!!! now ur making me think of the song in la drama kurodachi context w kurosawas Extended yearning and domestic dreams and .hhrhf . .jj jhwhejhjj !! kdjdhvk, jfh (<- having a very normal one)

why would u hurt me w my own hc Hey Hello . Ouch????? when they just wanna hold hands? ???? ???? (curls up and cries)

3/ "let the world lend me to you and bare its heart" ITS SO PRETTY?? IDK SOMETHING ABOUT HOW THEY LIKE PERSONIFY THE WORLD IS JUST VERY GORGEOUS TO ME.... "your throne's made of plenty love and praises / riches in form of many's first love / yet how's it that you hoard all that love just for me" how. how did you survive this. im on the floor. was thinking abt this all day. I GET IT U GUYS ARE IN LOVE KUROSAWAS ABSOLUTE DEVOTION TO ADACHI. just how his whole heart his everything goes to his love

YEAAHH the world as a metaphor for love and acceptance is [chefs kiss] So Good

i did not survive it i think abt those lines All the time ....... i did tweak them a liiitle bit in favor of matching the og syllable count (and creative liberty) but i hope i got the same idea across????? anyways kurosawa having so many ppls (superficial) love yet he keeps all of his love for adachi only no matter if it got reciprocated or not bc adachi saw past his perfection and Saw Him As A Goddam Person . they make me so sick in the head help

4/ "wait to meet me at the crossroads of life" i rlly like how kurosawas the one singing this line?? bc usually it's kurosawa doing the "waiting" until adachis is ready but this time hes calling out to him to wait for him? and im just? i have to lie down?? like this is not ok??? "though the world never once kissed my forehead" makes my heart hurt and "you still have me going on my tiptoes" i think of the cover art where he is on his tiptoes to kiss kurosawa i think and im just :>

SO TRUEEE when both of them wait for each other and they walk forward together ....... i cant express emotions in words anymore i need crycat pics

oh god speaking of the cover art kiss ive been meaning to draw that ep13 scene w adachi on his tippy toes for the longest fucking time i just. my face gets so red when i make any ship content beyond like holding hands so u can imagine the kind of stress im under . also kisses are inherently a bitch to draw i hate them !!!!! still gonna keep trying tho

5/ "if the world doesn't bare its heart to your eyes / then please let me hold your hand for it instead" IM JUST. THE HAND HOLDING. THEY JUST WANT TO HOLD HANDS.... and again i still think the whole thing abt the world is so pretty you know? ok ok and now where im tooootally ok and fine but "i long to sleep with you on one pillow / fall into shared dreams as i turn around / at the time please dont break them at bedside" THE DOMESTIC IMAGE? JUST WANTING TO BE TOGETHER IN SUCH A WAY? LIKE HEY????

thinks abt kurodachi having each other no matter what happens in their lives. holding hands despite it all. explodes

THE DOMESTICITY OF IT ALL !!!!!!! ITS SO SIMPLE YET IT HITS SO MUCH ...........

i dont remember what number i was on bc reacting to that last line just made me go through all the emotions again IM JUST. SOOOOO. how can such a small and simple request mean the world... mean the future... mean so much... i want them to enjoy such peaceful days forever and always and be in love till the end of time!!!! ok finally "a dream most sweet is that your smile is all warm" im on the floor. destroyed. thank you so much for these translations!!! I TRULY APPRECIATE IT I HAVE TO LAY DOWN

i am wishing rd kurodachi a very I Hope They Are Living Their Best And Happiest Lives Together And Forever (remembers manga vol 6-9 plots theyd hypothetically also go through) oh god oh fuck- (remembers vol 10 plot theyd hypothetically go through) OH WAIT-

LIES DOWN ALSO sorry abt the destroying i had no choice i was compelled by a dark force into writing that line . and again ty for yelling abt the sons w me im excited for ur ep13 rewatch asks kdjsfkjs

[squigglegigs]

SLUMBER PARTY

[bruciemilf]

There's something so goddam tender about Bruce referring to the batkids as his babies;

These instruments of unlimited but painful strength, who have been through hell and have the scars to prove it, - are Bruce Wayne's most precious, fragile, dearest treasures.

Like, he doesn't give a FUCK how old they are, you best believe he refers to each and every one of them with that pet name and it immediately comforts them.

I SPECIFICALLY want Bruce to use that term when trying to comfort or calm them down, because that endearment is their WEAKNESS

Give me Bruce, still in his Batsuit, grabbing Jason, his Goliath of a son, by his hands when he interrogates someone too harshly, all because they made a remark about Bruce.

" You're above this, baby. We both know you are." With such a GENTLE voice that Jason breaks for a few seconds, to squeeze that tender hold back.

Give me Bruce, waking up at asscrack of morning, because Dick phoned him about a nightmare. He's been like this since he was old enough to crawl in Bruce's bed, but, " I'm supposed to be grown up and handle this like an adult but it's just - it's so hard, Dad,-"

" Stop that. You'll still be my baby when you're grey and wrinkly. Now let's start from the beginning... At home."

Give me Bruce bringing Tim his coffee after an exhausting corporate meeting, sending everyone OUT the door with his icy glare that immediately melts when he smooths out dark strands of hair from Tim's tired eyes. " Don't push yourself, baby. You can go home early."

Give me Bruce, holding Damian in his arms with so much controlled gentleness as they're waiting for Ace to be done with his vet appointment. His youngest hates showing what he considers to be weakness, but he can feel dampness on his shoulder. " It's going to be okay. You'll be okay, baby."

And Damian cries even harder because no one called him that before.

[louisadmirer-archive]

.

[hannibalruinedme]

Shizaya and Nostalgia

This is a very personal late night rant. Many years ago, back when I was a thriving teenager, I discovered "Shizaya". I immediately got obsessed with the pair and started watching Durarara. (I've watched s2 and s3 while it was on going)

I was completely in love with Shizuo and Izaya. Especially Izaya. I was smitten by him. I remember even writing this huge ass love letter to Izaya in my note pad xD. I loved him. I genuinely did so. (I love him still. I love shizaya so damn much that it hurts)

It might sound awkward to some of you, but I genuinely care about these "fictional characters". They mean the world to me actually.

Back to Shizaya.

There wasn't a single doujin left which I didn't read back then. I used to read my favourite ones every night. Along with the ao3 fanfics. Separate folders in my phone for the fanarts and doujins. They were my main ship. The real OTP. Eventhough I knew it was very unlikely, I genuinely did root for them. And the consequence? Well. We all know what happened. Especially to Izaya. (Cried for days)

However my teenage self couldn't accept what happened to her one real OTP back then. After many weeks of tears (and desperate google searches including "will shizuo visit izaya?" "will izaya come back?") I decided to end it all for good. that's exactly what I did. With a broken heart I left the fandom after reading the "Sunset with Izaya".

Now 6 years later, I've come to this conclusion, which is:

Once a fangirl, is always a fangirl.

Once you love something, you never really get over it. The best you can do is to pretend you don't care.

A few weeks ago, I stumbled upon a shizaya fanart which immediately reminded me of my past. My obsession. How they used to feel like home. How a fictional ship can become your safe place. A comfort zone. How genuinely happy you become when you find that one good fanfic! That one too realistic fanart which makes your heart shutter! So I said, FUCK IT, I'll just be strong for once and revisit the certainly dead fandom. (it's been too long).

Guess what? I realized the last shizaya fic was uploaded on ao3 a few hours ago...there are countless tumblrs dedicated to shizaya and they even update frequently.....which, really did make my heart ache tbh. I went on to read the shizaya doujins. They were published more than 10 years ago. I've read them countless times. (Brings back memories :""") )

It hurts to go back to them. It fills me with a SAD AF, NOSTALGIC ACHE. IT BREAKS MY GODDAM HEART AND MAKES ME WANNA CRY FOREVER, yet it's fine. I love it. They still feel like home. No matter what happened to them in the novel, doesn't really matter as long as there are still amazing ppl writing about them. Drawing them. Keeping them alive.

You writers, you fangirls, you crazy girls and boys dedicated to their OTPS.. DO YOU GUYS HAVE ANY IDEA HOW AMAZING YALL ARE? You guys deserve the world. Thank you so much for what you guys do. Thank you so much for writing such amazing fics. Thank you so much for giving our boys the love they deserve. For giving them the ending they truly deserved all along.

PS: it's been so long, so, can any of you please update me with the current shizaya news?? Any update after the sunset novel? How's my boy doing?

What's up with Shizuo in DRRR SH? (Please don't tell me he ended up with vorona now lmao)

Is there any chance they might come back...?