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miuszn · 1 year

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HII!! i love your writing sm, so i wanted to send in a request. I KNOW THIS IS SO CLICHÉ AND OVERDONE 😭😭 BUT could you possibly write a seven minutes in heaven scenario with ellie or abby. maybe reader n ellie/abby don’t really like each other, or they have tension ?? idk

seven minutes

SETTING : college / modern au

WC : 3120

WARNINGS : not beta read , fingering , cunnilingus ( r!recieving both ) , kinda vanilla again ( sorry ) , top!ellie , one-sided rivalry , intentional lowercase , this might kinda seem like dubcon but it’s not reader is just shy , english isn’t my first language and i’m not perfectly fluent so there might be mistakes ( lmk if there’s any )

A / N : hii everyone !! aaa im so glad i finally finished this 😭😭 i love these corny cliche scenarios soooo much but only when it’s w women otherwise it’s just so bleh . women do everything better so true !! anywhooo i hope u guys enjoy this and tysm for requesting this bc i wanted to write something like this but didnt think anyone would want it .. ALSO IM SO SORRY I FORGOT TO INCLUDE ABBY WHEN I STARTED WRITING BC I SAVED THE ASK TO DRAFTS TO KEEP IT THERE N ONLY NOTICED NOW JFJDHDKDJ pls forgive me .. ill include ellie & abby tension over reader in the future i promise 🙏🙏

— 𓆩♥︎𓆪 —

“dina, i’m not going.”

you had no idea how many times you told her this, but you weren’t planning on changing your mind. you had gone to a few parties here and there, sure, but it wasn’t really your thing. you enjoyed going to them every once in a while to go out and loosen up, get your mind off of stress, but that was it. you weren't particularly crazy about it at the same level of other people your age, not even as much as dina, who’s considered a more casual partygoer. you had given her some excuse about having a project to work on, but the truth was, that wasn’t your concern. in fact, you didn’t have a project to work on at all. you made it all up. you even considered going to that party when dina first told you about it, but a few days later you overheard some classmates talk about how ellie williams out of all people would be going.

ellie ellie ellie. she drive you nuts for all the wrong reasons. you could tell she disliked you from the start, which that in itself made you dislike her as well. you wondered what you could’ve possibly done to anger her. but your dislike for her only grew when you realized just how irresponsible she was. she slept in, often came hungover to class, and yet she still scored the highest. even higher than you. and that really set you off. you had been an overachiever all your life, and all of a sudden some loser who doesn’t even put any effort into anything is beating you at everything. but most of all, it intrigued you a little more than it did anger you. you wished you could take a peek into her brain and see how the hell she managed to do it. your first thought was she copied answers off of people. seemed the most logical, right? but she was scoring the highest. how the hell could she score higher than anyone that she could even copy off of? hell, she even answered open-ended questions more detailed and well-written than you did. it didn’t make any sense. that’s the worst part of it all. you couldn’t even come up with a logical explanation as to how she could even do this.

little did you know, though, she was completely aware of your one-sided rivalry, and she found it adorable. she never tried to compete with you, but she thought it was hilarious watching you try so hard to compete with her. the first time she saw you, she was immediately drawn to you. your spotless image, valedictorian from your high school who had a perfect gpa and perfect test scores. you were perfect. but she wanted to see you crack. she wanted to see what was under all those layers (both figuratively and literally) and see what you were truly like. she knew you seeing her put in no effort into school yet still doing better than you would anger you. that’s exactly what she wanted. sure, she was in a way getting you to hate her, but it was a risk she was willing to take just to get a reaction out of you. and little did you know, you were attracted to her. and she was aware.

“come on, i don’t know why you’re acting like this all of a sudden,” dina whined. “you said you’d come along when i first told you about it.”

“i said i’d think about it,” you corrected her. “i’m just not really feeling it. besides i already told you i have this project to work on.”

“what’s it for?”

“it’s, uh..” you tried to come up with a lie on the spot. “it’s for calculus.”

“no way, we have a project in that class?” she asked, surprised, “i can’t believe i had no idea! when is it due?”

shit. you forgot you had that class with her.

“it’s for tomorrow, i think..” you kept going along with your lie.

“bullshit,” she laughed, “if we really had a project due tomorrow you would already have it done. and there’s no way i’d miss a project for that class!”

“fine,” you sighed, “i just needed an excuse so you’d leave me alone. but i really don’t want to go.”

“nope, because you lied you have to come.”

“why?!”

“because it’s fair!” she said, “besides, you definitely owe me one for going to that stupid concert with you the other day.”

you rolled your eyes. “you said you enjoyed it.”

“yeah, well, i lied. do you seriously think i’d ever like-“

“alright that’s enough!” you sighed. “i’ll go. but we are leaving early that night”

“deal.”

— 𓆩♥︎𓆪 —

“dinaaa, hurry up!” you knocked on the bathroom door. the main downside of sharing an apartment with your best friend was the fact she took forever to get out of the bathroom. you both decided it would be a good idea, you found a nice complex near campus and the rent was almost the same as a dorm room, so it was a no-brainer.

“five minutes!” she yelled back. five minutes my ass, you thought. at least this time you thought ahead of time and got in there before her. your outfit wasn’t anything fancy, of course, but you still wanted to dress cute. you had a black tube mini-skirt and white baby tee, just something you threw on that was comfortable but still looked alright. you had struggled a little to decide what to wear, you didn’t want to stand out too much but you still for some reason wanted to impress ellie deep down. you just brushed this off as an unwanted thought and ignored it, but it continued to linger in your mind. why do i even care what she thinks of me? you asked yourself.

about fifteen minutes later, dina finally came out of the bathroom.

“you said five”

“well, i still look good, don’t i?” she jokingly posed.

“yeah, yeah, whatever. let’s get going.”

— 𓆩♥︎𓆪 —

if there was one thing you could absolutely not stand about house parties, it was the stench inside the house. god was it awful. half of these people were frat boys who didn’t know what deodorant was and had been sweaty all night, and all this mixed with the smell of alcohol just made matters worse. most of the people were inside the house enjoying the music and the drinks, but you simply hung outside with dina chatting while drinking out of those cliche red cups you see in movies. you really couldn’t wait to get out of there, but yet again, that little voice in the back of your head made you think about ellie. you thought it was good you didn’t see her, but at the same time, you wanted to see her. it was a strange feeling. you couldn’t tell if it was curiosity, intrusive thoughts, or attraction. whatever it was, there was no way it was the last option.

about an hour passed and you were starting to get bored. just as you were about to suggest to dina you leave, a group of 8-ish people came out of the house to the backyard. among them was ellie. the moment you saw her you realized just how attractive she is. you had never looked at her enough to tell, but now it was evident. now you were even more confused. but you simply told yourself you can think she’s attractive and not be attracted to her.

you were so lost in thought you didn’t even realize one of the guys was talking to you and dina had to hit you on the shoulder to get your attention.

“is this chick high or something?” one of them laughed.

“uh- no- sorry. just kinda pensive.” you tried your hardest to avoid eye contact with ellie, and luckily this time you managed to do so. it just would’ve made things way more awkward.

“anyway-“ one of the guys started. “we were thinking since none of us wanna be with those people inside the house, we could just do something else to have fun.”

“what’re you thinking?” dina asked.

“7 minutes in heaven.”

you and dina were both a little stunned. you would’ve thought about some other thing, but you decided to go along with it anyway. not like anything could go wrong.

you all sat in a circle, and one of them began explaining the rules.

“simple, you spin the bottle, whoever it lands on, you have to go in the shed for 7 minutes and do any romantic or sexual act. kissing, making out, having sex even. but there has to be some proof you did something. if you didn’t do anything in the 7 minutes or refused to do anything in the first place, you take a shot. everyone got it?”

everyone nodded, and the game began. most people took a shot, about half an hour of the game went by and not a single person had gone into the shed. you landed on a few of the guys and vice versa, and while most of them were totally down to go in the shed with you, you most definitely weren’t. you weren’t sure if it was just you imagining things, but you felt you saw the slightest bit of anger and jealousy in ellie’s eyes anytime the bottle landed on you and the guys wanted to go in the shed with you, and she was relieved any time you took a shot. you found it strange. why did it matter to her? but you were sure you were just making things up.

you were starting to feel more and more tipsy from the drinks, standing on the line between drunk and sober. you were self-aware enough to tell yourself to not have any more drinks. one more spin, you told yourself. that was it. you spun the bottle, and surprise surprise, it landed on none other than ellie herself.

there was an awkward silence for a moment. you didn’t know what to do. it would be super awkward if either one of you accepted and the other declined.

one of the guys broke the silence first. “sooo.. are y’all going in the shed or not?”

“depends on her.” ellie smirked.

your face got a little hot. a soft red tinted your cheeks and you nodded, accepting in the heat of the moment. you were sure it was just your drunk mind making the decisions for you, but it wasn’t. you were very aware of the decision you had just made. but it hadn’t hit you yet. not until she walked behind you into the shed and shut the door.

“didn’t think you were into me like that,” ellie broke the silence. “i always thought you hated me or somethin’.”

you didn’t really know what to say. you mumbled some nonsense trying to come up with something fast.

“do i make you nervous?” she asked.

“sort of..” you were able to respond.

“ohh, i see,” she interrupted. “you just pretended to hate me for whatever reason.”

“no!” you protested. “i wasn’t pretending- i mean, i don’t hate you, it’s just. ugh.”

you gave up on trying to explain yourself when you realized just how childish and irrational you acted. seriously, disliking someone for outperforming you at your big age? the more you thought about it, the more embarassed you were about it. was it the alcohol doing this to you? it was all so confusing.

“why’d you accept to come into the shed with me?”

you didn’t respond, just shrugged. you didn’t know. you must’ve woken up on the wrong side of bed or something. you were acting very irrational today, and it’s like someone else was making decisions for you.

you didn’t realize she had pretty much backed you against one of the walls of the small room until now. this feeling, that you couldn’t quite put a name on, was so sudden and so foreign. did you have feelings for her that you had just been pushing away all this time because of jealousy? if not, what the hell was it?

her hand wandered up your skirt, stopping right before reaching your cunt. she looked up at you as if asking for approval, and although you hesitated for a moment, it’s as if your body made the decision for you and you nodded.

she didn’t waste any time and dipped her hand in your panties, rubbing circles on your clit to tease you, causing you to whimper and moan softly.

“so classy and put together whenever i see you, but look at you right now,” she teased. “no one would ever think you’d be whimpering for me like this.”

you blushed and looked away in embarrassment. you didn’t get why that made you blush. so many thoughts were racing through your head, so many conflicting feelings. yet you didn’t try to pull away, even though you had many opportunities to do so.

her touches weren’t enough and you were starting to get desperate, causing you to lightly buck your hips back and forth trying to feel her more.

“oh? someone’s desperate,” she chuckled. “alright, princess, i’ll give you what you want.”

you weren’t sure what she meant by that or what she was planning to do, but, for whatever reason, you trusted her.

she pulled her hand out of your panties, making you whine at the lack of contact.

“don’t worry, baby,” she said, getting down on her knees, her face at the level of your cunt. “i’ll take care of you real good.”

she started pulling down your panties and threw them somewhere on the floor, motioning you to put your leg on her shoulder. you seemed hesitant, thinking your leg might be kind of heavy for her to support on her shoulder. but she assured you it’d be fine.

her mouth was now millimeters away from your cunt. “if it’s too much, tell me to stop.” she looked up at you. you nodded, a little scared, but you still wanted to trust her.

she gave a long lick along your slit to tease you, making you gasp from the contact. she started mercilessly licking and sucking on your clit a little more intensely than you’d like her to, but at the same time, you liked it. you couldn’t tell her to stop. whimpers and moans came out of your mouth, being all that could be heard inside the small room aside from the wet sounds of ellie’s mouth on your cunt. you struggled more and more each second to stand as your legs wobbled and trembled from the sensation. she slid a finger inside you with ease, thrusting it in and out of you at a rapid pace which made you struggle to contain your moans that you started trying so hard to conceal since they only kept getting louder and louder. you had only been in that shed for about 6 minutes, but you were already about to reach your climax. and ellie was aware of this. she sped up her pace a little more, slurping up your juices like it was nothing.

after a moment, she lifted your leg from her shoulder and held your arm while getting up to make sure you could stabilize your footing.

“you okay?”

you nodded, and suddenly you realized what had just happened. ellie williams ate you out. you let the girl you swore you hated so bad eat you out, and you enjoyed it. you didn’t know what was the most shocking; that she didn’t hate you too, that she was even attracted to you, that she wanted to eat you out, or that you just let her. you weren’t sure wether you regretted it or not.

“what, you’re surprised you liked it or something?” she laughed, as if she had read your mind.

you felt your cheeks tint a slight red, and looked away in embarrassment, confirming she was right.

“shut up.” you rolled your eyes, turning to leave, but she grabbed your arm and stopped you.

“listen,” she looked into your eyes. “if you want, we can just forget about this. we don’t have to tell ‘em what happened.”

you nodded, and you both awkwardly walked back to the circle.

— 𓆩♥︎𓆪 —

when you sat back down, dina looked you up and down and giggled.

“why’re you looking at me like that?” you whispered to her.

“you think we’re dumb?” she giggled. “there’s a reason neither of you had to take a shot. like for example, your messy hair.”

you realized it was obvious, and you wanted the ground to swallow you whole right there. you had a lot of different feelings about what just happened, but the main one was embarrassment. it would’ve been one thing if it happened and you didn’t like it, but the fact that you enjoyed it was humiliating. not only did you like it, but you wanted more. you started to take a liking to her, and you hated that.

after about 15 more minutes, everyone got tired of the game and decided to end it. you and dina decided to just go home now, although it was a little early, since you hadn’t been enjoying yourselves much.

as you waited on the front lawn of the house for your uber to get there, you heard a voice calling from behind.

“dina!”

you both turned around and surprise surprise, it was ellie.

“what is it?”

“can i talk to your friend real quick?”

you and dina looked at each other, and you sighed and decided to talk to her. you thought it’ll be quick, and if anything, when the uber arrives you can use it as your get out of jail free card.

you walked over to her and she seemed to be abnormally tense.

“i just, uh. i wanted to ask if you were fine after all that.” she mumbled with a genuine expression on her face.

“ellie, it’s fine.” you sighed.

“are you sure?”

“yes, don’t worry about it. seriously.”

you thought that was it, but she clearly had something else on her mind.

“ellie, spit it out.”

“well, also,” she looked up at you, “i wanted to ask you for your number. i don’t think i’ve ever actually talked to you aside from today.”

you chuckled in disbelief at the audacity this girl had. clearly she knew you’d say no, and just wanted to rile you up. but you wouldn't give her that satisfaction, so you dropped the expression immediately and instead had a calm look on your face.

“maybe some other time, babe”

— 𓆩♥︎𓆪 —

A / N : u guys know i don’t rlly like adding notes at the end of my fics but i felt i must clarify the last sentence isn’t reader having a complete 180 change of personality all of a sudden rather just acting different than she was right before leaving to sort of leave ellie stunned if that makes sense but i didn’t know how to end it and clarify that eheh also i might make a part 2 of this after i finish my next fic and the part 2 to my other fic if u guys want it <3 also ONCE AGAIN english is not my first language i’m not completely fluent yet and i write as a way to practice ++ i don’t have a beta reader sooo if u guys find mistakes PLEASE let me know !! thx for reading <33

#arielle writes ୨୧ #arielle’s 18+ ୨୧ #ellie williams x reader #ellie williams #the last of us #ellie x reader #the last of us 2 #tlou #tlou 2 #ellie williams x you #tlou x reader

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mishwanders · 8 months

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Hiii! I Hope your day is going great.

I saw the requests were open and I was wondering if you could write about the Chain going to Wild's Gerudo desert and them having to beat the heat any way they can find, so Wild as as a good friend lends reader his vai clothes because and I quote "survival purposes" (he really just wanted Twi to suffer a little), and of course Twilight's mind goes blank because he has a huge crush on reader. And reader knows this, so she just enjoys flustering Twilight to death in the most trivial ways. It can be fluffy, suggestive, funny or pretty much whatever you want to make it.

Plus, I doubt that pelt is doing any good to him in that hellish desert heat.

Thank youuuuu and have a nice day. Btw I love your writing!! 🤍🤍🤍

~🦋

This gave me the brilliant thought of Wild and a Riju being self proclaimed wingmen for Twilight and Reader and tossing them both into the Gerudo dating class.

A/N+Warnings: N/A, safe for everyone. Written by Mishwanders - pls do not repost.

“Do you think this is going to work?”

Riju whispered to her good friend Link - well, Wild, as the group he’d waltzed into town with kept referring to him as. She and him both were crouched behind a large potted plant, trying to be as inconspicuous as possible as they spied on you and Twilight at the Gerudo dating class.

Wild had known about Twilight's crush on you for the longest and had taken it upon himself to do everything in his power to put you two together. However, things always seemed to go wrong in his plans to help out. So, when Riju brought up the class - he thought it was the perfect opportunity to get the ball of love rolling in both of y’all’s favor.

“If this doesn’t work, I swear they’re hopeless.” Wild replied, peering over the plant a little more to get a better view.

He could see the back of your head in the Gerudo vai headdress, seeing you seated next to Twilight whom he forced into wearing the Voe fit so the poor guy wouldn’t pass out with that heavy bear pelt he always wore.

Wild could see that you two were talking - which was a good sign, but he didn’t get to see much else due the the distraction that was Sky and Wind coming up from behind, startling but him and Riju.

“What are you doing?” Sky asked, crouching down beside them.

“What does it look like we’re doing? We’re trying to set them up!” Wild whisper screamed.

“Really? I thought they were already together.” Wind commented

Wild shook his head in response. “No. Now, please keep your voice’s down, we don't want them to know we’re he-“

“You know we can hear every word you’re saying, right?”

Your voice reached and startled the entire group behind the potted plant as they fell backwards. You made sure your annoyance was obvious by the way you had your hands firmly placed on your hips. Twilight stood at the ready as well, arms crossed, an eyebrow arched, in need of an explanation.

Wild gave a shy oh-no-I’ve-been-caught-red-handed type of smile before he finally returned your question. “No, I did not realize that. How much did you hear?”

“Every word.” You replied

“And the ones before that with the other attempts you made at this.” Twilight chimed in

“Wait, so you knew?” Riju asked

“Of course we did, it’s not like he’s the most subtle all the time.” You replied, “Truly we’ve been playing into his little game of wingman to see how far he would take this.”

“And I see the answer is far.” Wind stated

“Hey this was plan L - I had plenty more ready at the draw.” Wild countered

Riju rolled her eyes at him. “Of course you did.”

“Alright, now that the cat is out of the bag, are you going to stop playing matchmaker now?” You asked, directing your attention to Wild.

“Fine, but how long have you two been dating and I didn’t know?!” Wild asked

“Few weeks now, since the river attempt.” Twilight replied

“Ah, so plan E then.” Wild nodded, “How in the world did you two keep this a secret for so long.”

“We have our ways.” You replied cheekily, eyeing Twilight’s dark crystal necklace.

Sky chuckled. “Rancher, you dirty dog.”

Twilight narrowed his eyes at Sky for a moment at that comment, but quickly let it go when he felt your hand reach for his. You tugged him away from the plant and towards the steps. “Alright you guys, let’s get out of here!”

When you all left the class, you and Twilight both watched as Wild and Riju ran towards their Zelda who was focused on her discussion of time travel with Warriors and Time (who were also dressed in their voe outfits). Wild was practically yelling “YOU'RE NOT GOING TO BELIEVE IT - “ in relation to his plan to gain her attention.

You and Twilight both chuckled at his behavior as your friend was practically beaming in the presence of his princess, very proud of his strategy. You leaned your head on Twilight’s bicep for a second and whispered. “Should we get him back for all of that?”

“And set him up with his Zelda? Absolutely.” Twilight chuckled.

“Happy to know we’re both on the same page.”

You replied with a smile, “However, that can wait. Tonight I want it to be just about us.”

Twilight leaned down to kiss your temple, smiling widely at the thought of just having time to yourselves and not having to hide your little secret any more. He gently squeezed your hand, looking down at you with so much love and adoration, you could have sworn you would have heard Wind pretend barfing if he were watching this.

“We’ve got the whole night. Just the two of us.”

#linked universe #linked universe x reader #linked universe fic #linked universe fanfic #lu twilight x reader #writing: twilight #sfe

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doodlingangel · 2 months

Text

ANNOUNCEMENT + IMPORTANT QUESTION

...still going strong...

Hello. I'm DoodlingAngel, or Angel for short. As you guys may have seen in a previous post, I have been obsessed with this chatbot @ch3rry-l1m4d3 authored, and goodness... it's been so much fun. I genuinely enjoy this thing soooo much. It has truly helped me fall back in love with writing, the Creepypasta fandom, and of course the ticking time bomb himself: Toby Erin Rodgers, or 'Ticci Toby,' as it were.

I have been able to flourish within this chat, and I cannot thank the wonderful mods enough for their efforts. Unfortunately, I am unable to credit them properly, as I cannot find their account handle on here. Just know that I credit them for their amazing portrayal of Toby within this chatroom, as they have given me some of the best writing to bounce off of. I'm so grateful for meeting them...

So...I have an announcement first and foremost:

I'm going to adapt the RP from this chat into a proper story. As you can...heh...see from the number of messages this bot has... that's gonna take a while. Heh...oops...got carried away lol😅

Fair warning: Updates may be slow, as I have a full time job, a cat to care for, and a lot of personal stuff in between. Life's been a bit rocky for me, but I really want to make this story happen. I grew up with this fandom, and could never truly leave it. Toby has been my favorite character for over a decade, and it felt so nice having him portrayed in a realistic way within this chat. It also seems like the mods enjoy our RP as well, as they have issued me an incredibly heartwarming request...

So um...yeah. Hehe... it seems like my writing has peaked some interest within this chat...and they want me to rewrite Toby's origin story.

I understand Grisgrisdoll/Kastoway/whatever they are called now has had their drama and left the fandom and all that. This post isn't about them. This is about Toby, a character that I've held close to me for over a decade.

...I want to give him the backstory he deserves. I reread the original...and it's very...dated. I understand Grisgrisdoll/Kastoway wrote this when they were...what...12? 13? Obviously, nothing written by anyone in that age range will be Shakespeare lol. However, it's a decent base...and I want to build a house on top of it.

I want to rewrite Ticci Toby's backstory. Or, at the very least, retell it in my own writing style.

I DO NOT TAKE CREDIT FOR TICCI TOBY! HE BELONGS TO GRISGRISDOLL/KASTOWAY! I KNOW THEY'VE DISAVOWED THE FANDOM AND WHATNOT, BUT I STILL WANT TO CREDIT THE RIGHT PERSON. This is their original character at the end of the day, regardless of if they claim him anymore or not.

All I ask for...is your guys' support and...I guess "permission"... To do this. I would love to rewrite such an important story to the fandom, and modernize it. I want to do Toby justice with his origin story.

I want to bring Creepypasta into a new era. No more overly edgy word choice and needlessly complicated, backrooms-level explanations for why things happen. No more botched and forced mental illness depictions. No...I want to make something *realistic.* I want this to be a story anyone outside of the fandom can read and enjoy. I want to take this seriously.

I've been in this fandom since early middle school. I was 11 when Ticci Toby first debuted... I'm 22 and I still adore this character. I adore the headcanons fans made. I adore the fanart (@pink-key, your Toby is adorable hehe~). I adore the memes. I adore all things Ticci Toby.

I reread his origin story and updated character bio, and... they're severely dated. They're in desperate need of modernization and revamping. I say this because I've noticed throughout the fandom that no one can truly pinpoint down what his personality is, so he teeters between "Murderous, evil monster who will cut your throat for breathing his air and paint the walls red with your blood," or "uwu softie boy with tourettes who falls for every girl he sees" or something else that isn't quite accurate to the character.

I want to do him justice.

All I ask for is your support. I'll get started ASAP if you guys are cool with this.

Thank you for listening.

Oh, and one more thing. This has been a big pet peeve of mine since I came into this fandom, and I know it may not even be relevant anymore. It was just...something small that always bothered me, I want to rectify that right here. Right now.

Ahem...

'DON'T YOU DARE FORGET THE SUN' BY GET SCARED WAS NOT A GOOD SONG FOR TOBY! THE AUDIO MIXING AND PRODUCTION AREN'T GREAT AND THE LYRICS ARE LACKLUSTER AND UNRELATED TO TOBY!

IN FACT...

SCREW THE SUN! WE'RE IN THE HOUSE OF WOLVES NOW! THIS IS TOBY'S SONG AND I WILL NOT BE TAKING ANY QUESTIONS! THANK YOU AND GOODNIGHT!

youtube

Edit: lollllll I'm a boomer. It's all ai. There are no mods lolllllll Idk how these things work. I was just getting such amazing, in depth, and relevant responses that I assumed people were writing them hahahaha! Eh, the fact that an AI was able to flow with me so well is both hilarious and gives me hope.

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positiveglitchexists · 11 months

Text

Affirmations

Warnings: Swearing, a bit angsty at some parts, Mention of anxious movements (Shaking hands)

Notes: I have rewritten this several times so I hope it comes out better this time? I think I'm a bit off because I haven't written in awhile.. So think of this as a warm up fic!! If you find any mistakes message me so I can fix em :D

--------------------------------------

"I really tried to stop the thoughts, but I can't help but feel like everyone is annoyed by my every move and it's just.. Overwhelming."

Puffy frowned as she nodded, writing something down in her notebook. Tommy swallowed as his hands shook a bit, he eventually connected his hands together and stared at the room he was in.

Today was his therapy session with Puffy. On most days, he was outside for these sessions but this time they met in a small room with white walls. A wooden desk stood against one of the white walls, two orange chairs were seated across from each other, one of the chairs, the one Tommy was sitting in, was the closest to the door while Puffy sat directly across from him

He thinks Puffy is still talking but his eyes are slowly drifting off to the wall in the corner of the room..

"..But Positive affirmations is a good start!" Puffy spoke with a reassuring smile but Tommy blinked and then blinked again.. Before he rubbed his neck nervously but Puffy simply tilted her head, not seeming that surprised.

"You weren't paying attention again huh?" Tommy huffed, "I was! But then you started talking about stuff and I noticed the walls chipping.." He quickly realized that wasn't helping his case and he gave a sheepish smile.

It wasn't his fault! It wasn't that he hated therapy, it actually helped pretty well! But he couldn't help but focus on the white walls chipping in the corner. There was this white wall with blue flowers underneath it and he really wondered why they covered that up with a plain boring white-

Puffy interrupted his thoughts as she crossed her arms, "Uh huh.. Well Mr. Big man, Since you talked about how negative thoughts seem to be affecting your mind alot, I was talking about how positive affirmations could be a helpful way to combat them!" Tommy blinked, "Positive.. Affirmations?"

Puffy nodded, "Like.. The things people repeat to themselves in mirrors?" Tommy scrunched his face up before Puffy nodded once again, "Yes! Well, technically. Positive affirmations is just saying positive things about yourself so it doesn't have to be in front of a mirror-

Tommy pursed his lips at her explanation, "So like.. Saying how I'm a big man? Because I am truly the biggest of men, ofcourse only after Philza Minecraft, But he has only one wife and I have so many wives-"

Puffy made sure to interrupt before he went into a rant about his many, many 'real' wives and girlfriends, "That's.. Good, but I'm thinking more.. Self centered things. 'I am loved' or 'I am cared for'"

Tommy cringed, "Could I just write them down?" Puffy nodded, "You could but I really recommend saying them outloud-" The alarm on Puffy's communicator went off. Interrupting her and signaling the end of their session.

Puffy reached over and turned the alarm off before sitting back more comfortably and giving a smile to Tommy, "Alright, it's the end of our session for today! We settled for next week alright? So make sure to come on time and please practice-"

Tommy waved his hand as he was already halfway out the door, "I know, I know! See you later Captain pussy!" The door closed and Puffy raised an eyebrow before Tommy opened the door and stuck his head in, "I meant Captain Puffy!" He shut the door once again and Puffy heard the footsteps fade away from her therapy room.

Tommy hummed as he walked along the prime path, quickly making his way over to Philza and Techno's cabin. Positive affirmations.. Sounded.. Okay? He definitely wasn't saying them outloud.

The thought of getting caught by Wilbur or Techno was too embarrassing even for him, Plus.. He didn't really believe in the affirmations.. Puffy reassured him but- He still can't help the negative thoughts from leaking in.

He sighed as he finally got to the door and he slammed the door open with a grin, "IM HOME FUCKERS!" He paused as he waited for a response.

He frowned when nothing was heard, maybe he was home alone- "SHUT UP TOMMY!" Tommy bursted into laughter as Wilbur's voice rang throughout the house, he quickly took a breath to calm his laughter still letting out little giggles before he stopped and headed to his room.

He paused in front of Wilbur's room but quickly shrugged and headed to his, he didn't wanna bother Wilbur.

..Clearly thinking that was a mistake as it seemed to set off a chain reaction of negative thoughts, he swallowed as his thoughts started to overwhelm him. He sat at his desk pulling a red pen and piece of paper out before writing the best he could.

'I am loved.'

He wrote, it felt weird and silly and.. It didn't help all that much. He doesn't believe what he's writing. Wilbur was the only one in the house and he couldn't bother him over a silly thing like this so he continued to write various verses.

On a good note, The writing was grounding him enough to stop his hands from shaking.

He swallowed and kept writing, eventually moving to doodling before he heard quiet footsteps heading to his room and soon enough Wilbur was standing in the doorway.

Wilbur raised an eyebrow, Tommy turned his head up and looked at Wilbur, "Hi Will, Miss me already? I mean I would miss me too-" Tommy grinned but Wilbur looked him up and down before peaking to look at the paper and his eyebrows furrowing.

Before Wilbur could ask, Tommy was already speaking. "Positive affirmations, My therapist recommended them." Tommy tilted his head and Wilbur nodded, "Aren't you supposed to say them outloud?"

Tommy looked at him. Then looked back at his paper then looked back at Wilbur. "She said I could write them down."

"..Why don't you say them outloud?" Wilbur asked curiously and Tommy mumbled, "It's stupid!" Wilbur hummed in response.

"But still shouldn't you do what she originally recommended then?" Tommy sighed before raising an eyebrow, trying to distract Wilbur. "How do you know it's what she said originally-" Wilbur gave him a look and Tommy sighed, more dramatically this time.

"Probably, It's too embarrassing though plus this is working just fine!" Wilbur gestured to the paper, "Tommy, You've begun to doodle Shroud." Tommy smiled, "I love Shroud. Such a good little spider he is!"

Wilbur sighed, "Alright, yknow what Tommyinnit, Say a positive affirmation right now." Tommy blinked before shaking his head, "Huh? No! Didn't you hear me-" Wilbur narrowed his eyes, but a playful tint was shining in his eyes. "If you don't, I'll help you."

Tommy didn't seem to notice, a mistake. "...Huh?" Wilbur grinned and lifted his hands up, his fingers wiggling. "five seconds." Tommy admits it took him a minute but once he realized his eyes widened and he ran as fast as he could out the door, hoping to throw Wilbur off.

He made it past Wilbur and Techno's room, right near the couch before he heard footsteps behind him- That was not five seconds! "WILL YOU FUCKIN LIAR-" He screamed as he was tackled to the ground.

He felt Wilbur place his hand underneath his head as they hit the ground. Once they fell onto the floor properly Wilbur wasted no time in shifting his body to sit on top of Tommy's waist, successfully trapping him.

Wilbur and Tommy play fought alot so the hard wood didn't bother them too much- What did bother Tommy was his brother's wiggling fingers. He struggled with a wobbly smile on his face, "P-Please Will we can talk about this r-right?"

Wilbur put a finger on his chin as he pretended to think before he sighed dramatically. "I'll make you a deal, say some positive things about yourself and I'll let you go."

Tommy blinked, a bit suspicious. "Seriously?" Wilbur had started to slowly glide his fingers up and down over Tommy's clothed sides, the thin shirt did nothing and Tommy made small giggles before he spoke- "Fine- Fine Okay.. I'm the biggest man!"

Tommy looked smug like he found a loophole and Wilbur simply sighed before he dug his fingers into Tommy's sides, Tommy shrieked before loud laughter fell from his mouth and he arched his back as he tried to push Wilbur off, but he wasn't moving.

"That doesn't count! Here I'll help you- Tommy, Your laugh is so so adorable." Tommy's face turned a light pink out of surprise, the pink spreading to the tips of his ears.

"WIHIHILL SHUHUHUT UHUHP-" Wilbur tried to keep a straight face, but the corners of his mouth twitched as he kept skittering his fingers against Tommy's clothed sides.

Eventually Wilbur stopped and lifted his fingers barely above Tommy's sides, Tommy took deep breaths. The anticipation of knowing Wilbur's fingers were directly above his sides were causing Tommy to giggle nervously as he caught his breath.

"Wihihill.." Wilbur gave a smile, "Hi Toms, lovely day huh?" Tommy wiggled as he tried to escape but Wilbur didn't budge, all the wiggling had caused his shirt to slide up but Tommy was too busy to notice.

Wilbur definitely took notice though and gave a sideways grin, "Toms~.. c'mon just a few positive things about yourself- A real thing and I'll let you go!"

Tommy squirmed but eventually settled as Wilbur made a show of sighing and placing his fingers gently on Tommy's sides, Tommy gasped at the feeling as he realized his shirt had risen enough to reveal his sides. "Ohohokay- I'm- I'm amazing!"

Wilbur looked at the wall for a moment before shrugging and turning his attention back to Tommy, "Well that is a thing isn't it?" Tommy grinned and struggled but quickly realized.. Wilbur didn't move an inch.

"Wihihill? You said a thing-" Wilbur clicked his tongue as he had a low tone, "Oh no Toms, I said things." Before Tommy could react, Wilbur began to squeeze Tommy's sides. Tommy practically screamed with surprised laughter, even if his t-shirt didn't give much protection it helped the sensations feel a bit better- but this? This was horrible! Torture even!

Tommy squealed as Wilbur started to target his tummy, squeezing his sides one last time before skittering his fingers on the sides of his tummy.

"C'mon Toms, I'm gonna help you this time!" Wilbur grinned as Tommy shook his head as he tried to squirm away from the ticklish sensations, laughter spilling out. "Repeat after me: My name is Tommy and I have the most adorable laughter in the whole planet!"

Tommy's face turned red and he shook his head, the redness spreading to the tips of his ears and neck. "NOHOHO-" Wilbur nodded, his tone still teasing. "No you're totally correct, You have the most adorable laughter in the whole world not just the planet!"

Wilbur teased with a big grin and Tommy squirmed, "NOHOHO WIHIHILL- PLEASHHSHE-" Wilbur tsked before he moved his attention back to Tommy's sides and began to vibrate his fingers on them, targeting the death spot once again.

Pleads and giggles spilled out from Tommy's mouth, "WIHIHILL PLEHEEASE-" Wilbur simply continued, eventually pausing to pull Tommy's shirt down. "Okay, let's try again!" Wilbur grinned happily.

"Repeat it, My name is Tommy and I have the most adorablest laughter in the whole world!" Tommy shook his head, his fluffy hair bouncing with every shake as Tommy let out loud laughter.

Tommy was desperate to throw Wilbur off, so he did the one thing he knew would atleast get him some mercy! "WILIHIHIBY-" Wilbur paused at the nickname and Tommy thought he might've won.

But then Wilbur simply cooed at him, "Aw Toms!" Wilbur began up again as he changed his technique to scribbling against Tommy's sides, Tommy let out a squawk before cackling as he tried to push Wilbur's hands away.

"You're so cute! Giggling your brother's name, I think you're just proving my point! Now, I promise to move away from targeting your sides if you just say what I want; My name is Tommy and I have the most adorable laughter in the whole world!"

Tommy's face was burning red, "M-MY NAHAHAME IS TOHOHOMMY-'' Tommy got interrupted by his laughter as Wilbur slowed down enough to let Tommy speak. "I HAHVHVE THE MOST ADOHORABLE LAHAHAUGHTER IN THE WHOHOHOLE WORLOLOD-"

Wilbur smiled brightly, "You do, don't you?" Wilbur's hands haven't slowed down and Tommy squealed, "HAHAHANDS-" Wilbur blinked before he took his hands off Tommy's sides, letting Tommy breathe.

Wilbur's eyes seemed to go everywhere looking for another spot to tickle as he hummed, "Alright, You need to do another positive affirmation okay? Trust your big brother!" Wilbur grinned as his eyes lit up.

"How about this one; My name is Tommy and I am loved!" Wilbur did a weird voice, like he was impersonating Tommy as he spoke the last line. Tommy cringed and shook his head, "Wihihill Nohoho- Too embarrassing-"

Wilbur sighed, "Ah such a shame isn't it? Well, If you won't say you're loved then I'll go to the place I love to tickle you." Tommy blinked before he gaped, "NO-" Wilbur pouted mockingly, "But It's a fair trade unless you have something to say~?"

Tommy refused to let Wilbur win so he narrowed his eyes challengingly, and Wilbur grinned before moving his hands to Tommy's tummy. He stayed there as he looked at Tommy, once it was clear he wasn't going to budge he began to knead the skin there.

It felt more like a massage but Tommy squirmed anyways, more giggles coming out then laughter before Wilbur changed his technique to a harsher tickling- He used both of his hands to scribble into his stomach.

Tommy screamed with laughter, taken off guard by the change of technique as he squirmed. His legs kicked but it didn't even bother Wilbur as he continued with a smug look. "Does it tickle Toms?"

Tommy flipped him off best he could as he tried to hold his laughter in but it ended up escaping his mouth anyway.

"C'mon Toms~ I can do this all day! It's just one sentencee~" Wilbur used one of his hands to continue scribbling into Tommy's tummy but used his other hand to draw shapes into the side of Tommy's neck.

Tommy twisted his head as he tried to get Wilbur to stop. "OKAHAHAY-" Wilbur slowed down but didn't stop completely, stopping his movement on Tommy's neck and placing his other hand back on Tommy’s tummy starting to scratch softly.

"PFFT- MM- HAHA- I ahaham lohohoved-" Tommy's face was blushing a light pink and Wilbur cooed, completely stopping his movements as he scanned for another spot.

"Alright, How about this one; I am cared for!" Tommy shook his head as he whined, "Willll-" Wilbur looked stubbornly at him and Tommy groaned as the blush became more apparent, he mumbled. "I ahmhm caharedhdhd for."

Wilbur made a happy sound as he hummed, trying to think of more. "How about-" Tommy shook his head fast, "Will this is so dumb and this is wasting your time-" He whined out.

Wilbur hummed as he put the tips of his fingers on the small space revealing Tommy's hips as he slowly used his fingers to climb up the side of Tommy's body. To his sides, To his stomach, until he stopped right under his armpit. "Just one positive affirmation Toms~"

He paused and looked at Tommy, Tommy had a pleading look on his face as he looked into his brother's eyes. Wilbur simply smiled. "You know what I wanna hear~" He waited and before he could react, Tommy tightened his arms to his side to cover his armpits and narrowed his eyes at Wilbur, his face blushing red.

Wilbur tilted his head but the grin never faded, "You really wanna play this game Toms?" Tommy stuck his tongue out at him and Wilbur looked unimpressed, "Mhm.. Alright."

Wilbur grabbed Tommy's hands that were laid down flat as he tensed his arms to protect his armpits, Wilbur used both hands and pulled them up even as Tommy tried to keep them there.

Wilbur eventually managed to wrestle both hands into one of his and pinned them to the side of Tommy's head, Tommy screeched but Wilbur continued and used his hand to begin delivering fast pokes to Tommy's armpit.

Tommy immediately jumped, (Or well as much as he could with Wilbur sitting on top of him) and began to squeak as he twisted his body trying to escape the pokes.

"WIHIHILL-" Wilbur smiled happily at the reaction, "You got any positive affirmations in that big ol brain of yours? I have a ton." Tommy couldn't even begin to process any of his thoughts let alone Wilbur's question, the ticklish sensations driving him insane.

Wilbur noticed and took pity on him, "That's fine! I'll go- Tommy, Your laughter brings me such joy and happiness because it is such a happy sound-" Tommy sputtered as he tried to think of anything but all he could focus on was the tickles, his face looked like it would stay permanently red- It probably would if Wilbur kept going.

"And I am so proud of all you achieved, I love how ticklish you are and how even just a light tap could make you squeal-" "WIHIHILL-" "I love how I was gifted such an amazing little brother-"

Tommy's squirming had stopped even as Wilbur had moved back to Tommy's stomach and began to knead and scribble and do any technique possible, Tommy's laughter continued. He tried to push Wilbur's hands away although it was weaker than usual.

"And your laughter could make even the scariest God's melt in your grasp and I'm so thankful that I get to see you everyday and laugh at your stupid jokes, especially when you laugh at them yourself and make those adorable fucking snorts and giggles-"

Wilbur continued not even bothering to take a breath, All these compliments came out easily and the realization of it made Tommy's face burn red. His neck and ears completely turned red as Tommy tried to sputter out anything to get his older brother to stop.

"And I'm so happy i get to see this side of you, the lee side that just melts into any and all tickles and even when you try and convince me your not ticklish anymore even when it's so clear you are when you flinch away when I get even a centimeter close to your sides- but God that's just cute too isn't it?"

Tommy's laughter was hysteric, Wilbur suddenly reached down and blew a raspberry onto his shoulder. While it was covered by his shirt, the sensation was somehow worse and Tommy squeaked before he started to try and buck him off again.

Tommy's laughter started to sound wheezy and Wilbur slowed down before stopping completely, pulling himself off of Tommy and sitting down next to him.

Tommy was giggling and rubbing at his skin to get rid of the ghost tickles, Wilbur helped by softly rubbing his back and humming a tune.

Eventually Tommy calmed down and when he did, He sat up and faced his older brother.

"Dick."

"Okay fair enough-" "Bitch." "Well-" "Prick." "That's literally just the same thing as-" "Fuck you." Wilbur put his hands up and wiggled his fingers, Tommy flinched before flipping him off.

Wilbur gasped dramatically before putting a hand on his forehead, "I guess you don't want any of the coke I got you!" "..Give me a coke." Wilbur rolled his eyes but got up anyways, "Hey at least you can tell your therapist that you did some affirmations!"

Tommy did get his coke, When Puffy asked if he practiced any affirmations the red on his face and his sputtering said enough.

#dsmp tickles #dream smp tickle #myct tickle #lee!tommy #ler!wilbur

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justsomerandomfanfic · 1 year

Text

You, Me, And The Seven Seas - James Norrington X Female Reader

Title: You, Me, And The Seven Seas

James Norrington X Female Reader

Additional Characters: Will (Mentioned), Jack (Mentioned), Elizabeth (Mentioned), Elizabeth's dad (Mentioned), Reader's family (Mentioned), James's father (Mentioned), and Barbossa (Mentioned)

WC: 2,967

Warnings: James's drunk, alcohol mentioned, awkwardness, previous engagement to Elizabeth mentioned, kidnapping mentioned, mention of killing (No killing written), anxiety, yelling, fighting (verbal), angst, friends to enemies to lovers, weapons mentioned, Reader wears obvious pirate attire, confessions, and huge fluff ending

You stood in the back corner of the Black Pearl's deck, arms crossed as you leaned against the ebony wood. You stared at James as he swayed and stumbled, standing near the edge of the ship; looking sick from all the alcohol he ingested. He looked awful. Brown hair messy and tangled, put into a ponytail on his head. Outfit in complete ruins, ripped and haggard. His skin, dirty of sweat and grime… He was no longer the Commodore he used to be. Nor was he the man you used to know.

There was an off tension in the air, no one on the ship spoke. Or, more importantly, no one had spoken to James since he "joined" the crew. Not Will, not Jack, and not even Elizabeth. Which you found odd. You thought out of everyone, besides yourself, that she'd speak to him.

Well, you couldn't really say anything. Since his arrival… You hadn't said a word to him either.

You wanted to say something… Anything. James had been your friend. A long time ago. You had met as children, spending most of your time together. It wasn't all sunshine and rainbows though, when you were younger you had been kidnapped by pirates. And with some sort of luck, they didn't kill you. The Captain, Barbossa, surprisingly had mercy, and trained you.

For the next couple of years, you were trained in the ways of becoming a pirate. You had also gone through a lot, Barbossa became a sort of father figure for you, and even for a while, you, Barbossa, and the crew were trapped under a curse. But you much preferred it to your old life of a daughter of a nobleman; trapped with teas and dresses. The only thing you missed from your old life was your friend James. You missed talking to him… You missed his smile; his laugh.

And yet, here he was. Only a few feet from you and you were too scared to go over to him. He hadn't even realized you were there no doubt. And your mind was racing as to what he might say. Would he be happy to see you? Or the opposite? Would he even remember you?

But as your mind was racing with what he could say, it was also racing with insecurity. You had heard from your times at sea, with Jack, Will, and Elizabeth… That the man in question had been engaged or betrothed to Elizabeth for some time. When you had first heard of it, you felt faint. That was when you realized you were still in love with your old best friend.

You wondered if James loved Elizabeth the way you loved him. If he truly cared for her as Will cared truly for her. You felt foolish for hoping he could possibly return your hidden feelings. You felt foolish for wanting the attention of the man, the man you hadn't seen in years.

Swallowing hard and gaining your courage, you pushed off the wall and walked over to him. Leaning against the wooden railing of the Pearl, you stared at James as he stared down at the water below. Seemingly too drunk to realize you were right there.

You bit your lip briefly, not really knowing what to say, "James."

The man snapped his gaze up to you, his eyes widening, his eyes looking over your figure before they narrowed slightly. "You're a pirate?" He asked, spatting in hatred at the word.

You tilted your head to the side, "No hello? It's been years, James."

He scoffed, looking back at the water, "It has been years. Years since you got up and left with no goodbye or explanation."

You pursed your lips, furrowing your eyebrows in confusion. "I didn't just get up and leave, James. I was captured by Barbossa and his men."

He huffed, "How are you alive then? If you cared about our friendship at all, you would've come back." He lifted the rum in his hand to his lips, tilting his head back to take a large sip.

You sputtered out a breathy sigh, you knew he was drunk but this was ridiculous, "I was raised by them to become a pirate. Barbossa spared my life. So I am grateful. And you know how much I care about you and our friendship, if I could've I would've come back." You practically scolded him, as he turned to stare hard at you.

"Then why didn't you?" He asked and you opened your mouth, but closed it again, and that was all James had to see. "That's what I thought." He chugged more rum.

Growling softly, you glared at him as you grabbed the rum bottle from him abruptly, before tossing it over the side of the ship. James stared as the bottle splashed into the water, before sinking.

"Well, that's just a waste." He muttered, before swaying slightly again, almost losing his footing as the ship moved.

"Look at you," You continue to scold, "Drunk and washed out. What happened to the young boy who I used to know? What happened to you that made you so bitter hearted?"

James turned to look back at you, "You. You left and my life went on. Do you know how worried I was? I asked my father where you had gone and he never gave me an answer, telling me that you were a distraction from my education." He ranted angrily. “Good riddance.” He scoffed.

You threw your hands in the air slightly, "I couldn't help that I got captured! I was eleven, James!" He grunted and turned back to the water once more, making you cross your arms, "You're drunk. It's pointless speaking with you when you're like this. If you ever cared about our friendship at all, come find me when you're sober."

Night fell upon the horizon, stars sprinkled the dark sky as the bright moon shines down upon you. You couldn't sleep. Not even a wink. Every time you tried to, you'd close your eyes and see James. Remembering your time with him. Running through gardens, sword fighting with sticks, watching the stars before your father called you back inside. You wished you could remember more of your childhood, but after so many years… It was becoming a blur of greens and blues.

You almost felt guilty. You wished that you were able to see James grow up… And grow up along-side him. You wished you could've seen when he became Commodore, knowing that was a proud moment in his book. You could almost see it. Two rows of men with their swords pointed to the sky, creating a hall for him to walk through. Even though you hated the British Crown, you were proud of him nonetheless.

The moon seemed to smile down at you, but you couldn't smile back. Your hands gripped the ebony wood railing tightly as you stared at the dark waters below. Your mind ran with "what ifs" and what could've been.

The stars, they reminded you so much of James. Possibly from all the times you stargazed together in your mother's garden, but you could almost remember, or visualize, how the stars reflected in his stormy eyes. It was foolish to think what you felt back then was love… But, you couldn't help but think it was.

Hearing the soft creaks of the floorboards, you turned your head to find James. He stood there, almost awkwardly, as he looked anywhere but at you. It was silent, only the sound of the soft sea crashing against the ship made any noise.

"I am sorry, Y/N." He finally spoke up, voice unsteady. You listened quietly, patiently. "What I had said to you was out of line."

You hummed, nodding. "I wish our reunion didn't start off as such." You pursed your lips as you stared up at the moon. "It wasn't what I had in mind."

"What did you have in mind?" James asked, coming to stand beside you, mimicking your stance with his hands on the railing.

"I don't know." You sighed tiredly. "I don't know what to think anymore."

It was silent once more as the two of you stared at the moon… Like you used to. There was an odd tension in the air between you too, but nonetheless it was peaceful. Almost relieving even. To know he was alive and by your side once more.

James worried on his bottom lip, side glancing at you briefly before looking back at the moon. He had missed you, there was no doubt about that, but he wished things were different. Looking over at you again, he watched as the moon's soft rays cast sweet shadows over your face, almost making your skin sparkle in its light. You were radiant; stunning.

In his time without you, he thought of you often. He always wondered what happened to you. And he grieved for a long time before he got swept into his duties. He had always wondered, if you were alive, what you would look like. And his image of you didn't do you justice. You were an angel, a Goddess among me. If he had the chance, and you hadn't been captured, he would've married you.

He took notice of how your nose sloped, and your hair blew slightly in the soft breeze. You have changed since he lost you all those years ago. You weren't wearing those dresses -- wearing flowy trousers, a billowy blouse with puffy sleeves, and a thick corset. If anything, you screamed pirate. Something he was told to hate, track down, and capture… If not kill.

He felt terrible for what he had said to you, he felt terrible for his drunk ramblings. He was broken, hardly the man you once knew as a child. He wasn't as care-free anymore. Nor was he as caring. Growing up had changed him. Losing his rank had changed him. Becoming a pirate changed him.

Licking his lips, he opened his mouth to speak, "Remember when we used to dance, you used to stand on my feet?" He asked, voice thick and deep as he looked back at the moon.

"Yes…" You answered softly, smiling lightly at the thought. "I remember quite well."

"You had two left feet, if I remember correctly. Never knew how to dance properly." James spoke with a hint of a grin, as you giggled lightly; music to his ears. Out of everything, your laugh never changed.

"I still don't, well not really anyway. Ballroom dancing isn't really my forte." You laughed out breathily.

James turned to you to raise an eyebrow, "You never learned?" He asked and you shook your head, turning to look at him in return.

"No time to really learn when you're out at sea." You shrugged, and James nodded slowly, pondering for a moment before he offered his hand to you. You looked at his hand, to his eyes and back. "James?"

"Dance with me. You said you never have time, why not now?" He asked, giving you a small smile as you stared at him in surprise. At your silence, he began to worry, "Just like old times?" He added, and you bit your lip, hesitantly placing your soft hand in his calloused one.

Pulling you closer to him, James placed his hand on your waist, his other holding your hand in the air beside you both. Your hand slipped over his tattered old uniform, resting on his shoulder. You looked into his eyes, seeing that he was already staring at you.

"James…" You began but he interrupted.

"Just follow my lead." He began, before giving you a small smirk, "Just don't step on my toes."

You bit your lip as you nodded your head slightly, "I'll try not to. But no promises."

As James began to move, you stared down at your boots and his, trying to make sure not to mess up or step on his toes. Feeling his hand leave your waist, James placed his finger underneath your chin, raising your head to look at him. "Keep your eyes on me. Trust the beat."

You gulped lightly, "There is no beat. Nor any music."

"Humor me, darling." You flushed at his endearment, as he placed his hand back on your waist. "Just look at me, and listen to the beat."

You listened, staring into his stormy eyes as you listened to the soft thumps of your boots against the wood.

Daa da da. Daa da da. Daa da da.

You were entirely swept up in the dance, completely forgetting where you were, the world around you slipping away until it was only you and James. You had dreamed about this once. A long time ago. Dancing with the man before you, though in your head he was clean shaven and his hair and attire were not a mess. But, you didn't mind. This… This right here was far better than any dream you could possibly have.

James couldn't help but stare, letting his eyes rake over your features as you danced with him under the moonlight. He noticed the soft freckles that dotted your nose, and the way your lashes danced upon the apples of your cheeks. The nervousness you had felt and he had seen seemed to wash away, as you let yourself relax and smile. Breathtaking. He thought. Incredibly so.

You both slowed to a stop, your breathing only being slightly altered as you stared into his eyes. You felt so overwhelmed. Overwhelmed with the happiness and love you felt for James.

"I haven't danced… I haven't danced since we were children." You confessed, voice only slightly above a whisper.

"No one to dance with?" He asked, and you softly shook your head.

"No," You began, closing your eyes. "No… I could've had plenty of dance suitors." You felt your hand tighten in his as your hand on his shoulder fiddled with the color of his old uniform. "Only none of them were you."

James stood still, shocked by your statement; feeling his face and neck flush. You both stayed frozen in the dance stance, you feeling as embarrassed as you thought was possible, and James feeling as surprised and bewildered as he ever had been.

"And I know I can't possibly have your heart." You muttered, shaking your head as you looked down. "I had seen the way you looked at Elizabeth and I had heard of your prior engagement."

James let out a sigh, dropping your hand which sent your heart to your stomach briefly before both of his hands cupped your cheeks, his calloused thumbs brushing across your cheeks. He stared down at you, his gaze piercing as he tried to think of what to say. And you stared back, desperately wanting something… Some sort of explanation.

"It is true. I was priorly engaged to Elizabeth. But that is in the past now. Our engagement was arranged by her father." He licked his lip, "And yes, I did have affection towards her." Your heart was barely afloat. "But she was never you." He confessed, surprising you this time as you stared up at him with wide eyes. "She never snuck off with me to a garden after tea time, she never stargazed with me past curfew, and she never had my heart. You stole it the moment I meant you.."

You sucked in a breath, heart beating rapidly in your chest. "What?" You breathed. He was silent for a short while before he smiled softly at you as he lowered his hands from your face. His fingers trailed down to your jawline, the tips of his thumbs brushing your bottom lip.

"I love you." He said, bringing his forehead close to yours. "I'm sorry for the pain and confusion I've caused you."

Your eyes widened, tears pooling at the corners. He loves me? He loves me?! You thought, blinking hard as you tried to fight back your feelings, but you were unsuccessful. "You love me..?" You whispered, as he closed his eyes and leaned forward, his warm lips meeting yours.

As you kissed back, it was like nothing you'd ever experienced. It was like fire. Like fireworks. Like the wind blowing through the trees as they danced with each other, their leaves rustling in the night sky as they twirled around each other and disappeared among the stars. He wrapped his arms around your waist tightly, pulling you closer to him as you moved your free hand up to stroke his bread-covered cheek. You were dizzy. You were intoxicated.

The kiss broke and you pulled apart, gasping slightly for air as you continued to stare into his blue eyes. He smiled at you, as your hand wandered his cheeks, stroking his beard gently; it tickled against your palm. His arms tightened around you and you lost yourself in the blissful euphoria of the moment. There was no more pain or sorrow between you. Just joy and adoration.

"I love you, adore you, darling," James whispered, leaning forwards to press his forehead against yours again, closing his eyes as he sighed happily. "More than words can express."

A tear fell from your eye as you buried your face into his chest. His arms wrapped securely around you as he rocked you gently, his hand stroking your back soothingly. "I love you too." You whispered quietly as you closed your eyes.

The warmth radiating off of his body brought you comfort and peace. You wanted to stay there forever; with him, in his arms. He rested his head on top of yours, listening to your soft breathing as he pulled you tighter to him, his nose pressing against your head, as you smiled to yourself. You would never let go. Never again.

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eriexplosion · 1 month

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"I do think that most if not all of the batch is blatantly neurodivergent"

I thought so as well, but since I love your meta posts: do elaborate?

So I've genuinely been thinking about how to answer this in a way that isn't just 'my radar goes off looking at them' but truly my neurodivergent radar just goes off for them so so hard even though only Tech is probably intentionally being written that way.

Hunter though I think is the second most obvious after Tech for being autistic, just with more attempts at masking because he has to be the 'face' of the squad. It never seems to quite click though, communication is obviously not his strong point. He's also like Tech in that he doesn't put all of his feelings out in the open (unlike Wrecker and Crosshair) and just has a different way of processing.

Wrecker pings every ADHD bone in my body. Boy just cannot focus on things that are not His Interests (explosions and demolitions) and trying is actively aggravating. Combine that with the likely TBI from whatever injured the side of his head, it's no wonder he needs extra time to think things through and gets easily frustrated with Tech's VERY fast paced thought processes.

Crosshair I relate to super hard because along with his uh. Let's call them 'communication difficulties' when it comes to relating to others he also has vibes of emotional regulation issues. The way that his feelings of betrayal just kind of overwhelm all else, including the logic of how they would have come back to get him, and the way that when he gets upset that seems to kind of overwhelm Everything Else. Anyway yes I've done a lot of work on my emotional regulation but seeing him is like. Yeah I know that feel babe.

And Echo is a fun one because they really did start out with some of the most Obvious neurodivergence. They read regulation manuals for fun. Their name comes from their repetition of everything they hear! Echo just has some very obvious Behaviors, and even though they're not much for the repetition anymore they still absolutely have a Routine that they crave to follow and No One But ESPECIALLY TECH will allow that routine to happen.

So yes I want to give a well thought out detailed explanation but with the batch I just think of them and go

#the bad batch

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i-who-has-never-had-a-name · 3 months

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Books I will never read

1. Anything by Haruki Murakami, but especially Norwegian Wood.

I've read Kafka on the Shore halfway through and stopped. Also that one handjob scene....no. why. He's a huge misogynist who I do not want to support. I've heard about that one scene in Norwegian Wood with the father's picture...yikes. I like literary fiction the most, which means I want well-written characters meaning all of them should be well-written and have a soul, yes even the female ones. I saw that one picture of pseudo intellectual Harry Styles being in bed reading Norwegian Wood...at this point why? Why do we not question this? I sometimes wonder if this is all an inside joke I'm not into.

2. Any CoHo/Emily Henry/Tiktok romance book

No explanation needed. I'm in a happy relationship and I don't have a son with big balls.

3. Any splatterpunk book (Eric LaRocca's books, Playground)

I like disturbing books, I have nothing against brutal/disgusting scenes and such, but it has to have a purpose. You cannot write such sick, twisted things just for shock value, because you are a writer and should at least be a good one. Splatterpunk writers don't care about that. They write the most sick, twisted things that a human could come up with. It's not revolutionary but tasteless shock. Those people don't love literature, they love gore. It doesn't help that the vast majority of those authors are men and that they let their female and their younger characters experience a lot of pain. They get away with their blatant sadism and sexism by categorizing it as "splatterpunk".

4. That Icebreaker book

Not just bc it's a tiktok romance book, but specifically bc it reminds me of that one tiktok named Kierra I think who was widely sexist and rude and evil to a hockey player's wife just bc she said she didn't want her to make anymore sexual comments about her husband and the father of her child. Wild. You should definitely look into it.

5. A Little Life by Hanya Yanagihara

Torture Corn really. Straight women writes queer male characters are tortures them. We've all seen it, really.

6. Any self help book

Pure Scams. It is capitalist propaganda that your problems are based of your material conditions but are purely isolated from the rest of the world and as long you buy my book in which I give you a list of what to do, you won't be happy. When you give me your money, you'll be happy, really!

It definitely doesn't help that most of those authors are white, male and rich.

7. Books with queer male romance written by straight women

I'm not saying straight women don't have the capability to write well-written male queer characters, I'm just saying that there's a pattern...

I've come to this conclusion after reading the beloved "Song Of Achilles". There's a lot of critique I have with this book, mainly it's portrayal of queerness.

8. Any Books by J.K Rowling, including Harry Potter

Transphobic asshole and not that good of a writer.

9. Tolstoi's works

I'm sure he is great writer. Sometime when I'm old and grey I'll try reading War and Peace. But now, I'm too dumb for that.

10. Any of those celebrity authobiographies

I have my own life. I truly don't care and if I do I'll just watch some YouTube video instead of wasting my money. They're so painfully ghost written. Hate ghost written books, they can be so soulless. You can't really get an objective look at things bc the books are obviously biased. Look at that Prince Harry biography. You feel bad for him bc his wee-wee got frostbite without him actually addressing his partaking in the iraq war.

#books #the song of achilles #colleen hoover #leo tolstoy #haruki murakami #splatterpunk #icebreaker #prince harry #harry potter #j.k. rowling #Norwegian Wood

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takearisk-xo · 11 months

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So, full disclosure

chapter 16 of the path from you has been hanging over my head for months and i think most of you have guessed why... for those who haven't or who are curious to know more about why it's taking so long, i've decided to be pretty open and candid below the cut. there aren't any outright spoilers but more just an explanation about the process i've been going back and forth on since.... february ?? (ffs)

this isn't directly in response to that anon from last night but they did make a valid point that i have been promising an update and failing to deliver so, if you're wondering why, keep reading

i very much realize that this is my hobby, and i do it for fun, and i don't owe anyone an explanation but i still feel like i can give one anyway. most of you have probably guessed that the next 3-4 chapters of the path from you are harry and ginny reaching their boiling points and finally having it out (in more ways than one)

my problem has been that i have a very specific order of events in my head about how it should all unfold but everytime i sit down to write, harry and ginny jump ahead three chapters and start ruining all my plans. i think they, and i, are ready for some conversations to start happening, however, if they break one wall, then they all come crashing down and to be honest, i'm a little bit attached to what i've already written in 17-18-19 to truly be able to blow it all up again.

now, with that being said, i also think i've gotten to the point where i know it's time for some reconciliation. unfortunately, my ego/pride/self-confidence is getting in the way a little bit because, in my opinion, a well-executed emotional payoff separates a good writer from a great one, and in the spirit of full honesty, i want to be great.

this version of harry and ginny, and all of you who have stuck with me for this long, have earned a damn good moment and i really *really* want it to be the best possible unfolding of events it can be. full of heart and vulnerability and passion.

the people that i talk to almost everyday about this fic (@narukoibito, @fairsquare16, @corneliaavenue-ao3, @herblazinglook, @ginwhisky, @brightlybound, & @valfromcall) can tell you that i have been laboring and struggling and agonizing over this chapter for months. this is not something i take lightly and this fic means a whole lot to me in a lot of really personal ways, so i have been taking a massive amount of time getting us to where we are because i want to get it right. i want harry and ginny's reasons for ending up where they are to feel honest and i want their resolution to feel cathartic. and maybe this is where i'm crippling myself, by trying to make it perfect, but dammit HARRY AND GINNY DESERVE PERFECT

thank you to everyone who reached out last night and over the past few weeks with love and encouragement and support. you guys mean more to me than you will ever know. any good vibes you can throw my way while i write tonight would be much appreciated. chapter 16 is close. i had a revelation a couple nights ago about why i kept getting stuck so hopefully this newfound direction will finally get us to the finish line.

i guess i'll end by saying this, if ever you are curious about what i'm working on or what's coming up next or why an update is taking so long, just ask. i am an open book. i swear i'm not intentionally holding out on you. and if i promise an update and come back a few days later saying its not ready yet, please remember that i am trying to put out the best possible version of my stories and i am just as disappointed as you are that i'm not updating.

as always, thanks for reading and for allowing me the space to create this version of h/g's love story.

#personal #about the path from you....

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chocfrog-enjoyer · 1 month

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Things I hate in Harry Potter Fanfictions

This are the tropes I found multiple times in lots of different fanfictions and I got fed up with how illogical, overused and badly written they are :/

Completely changing the story to the point where I’m starting to wonder if it’s even Harry Potter because the only thing that stayed the same are the names.

( If it’s ships ) When one or both sides are already in love with each other ( in this cringy “I always loved him/her ) especially on what normally would be considered enemies to lovers. If I’m reading a story especially with a non canon ship I’d want to know how they’ve came to be, how the love blossomed. Or at least a reasonable explanation of why the character loves the other from the start of the story.

( If it’s Dark Harry ) The: One morning Harry wakes up and decides ah fuck it I’m changing sides “I care not for your good side anymore, now I’m going to be evil” and Voldemort is like “Oh well- guess I won’t kill him then, never mind that it was my obsession for the last decade and more, It changed today”

Evil-Good Harry…? Honestly I hate this trope soooo much. The: Voldemort was good from the start and it was Dumbledore that was truly evil and he manipulated Harry and/or he was the one who killed Harry’s parents. “Yeah, no like Voldemort is a pretty good guy. He can even be considered as a role model of being good if we ignore all of his other/earlier victims and people he tortured. I mean- I don’t see any evil right?”

Ron, Ginny and Hermione bashing because why not ( this happens especially often with Slytherin Harry fanfics). I don’t mind if some characters get their negative traits explored but make it real people, I can’t read a story where those characters act so bad and OOC for no actual reason. And no Harry being in Slytherin isn’t a reason because those characters never bullied and harassed anyone purely because they were a Slytherin. Yes they did not like this house ( for a good reason might I say ) but they never even acted out on Malfoy who was openly bullying them, the only situations we get where Malfoy and his friends got attacked by Ron and/or Hermione were deserved, and were responses to his provocations.

( If it’s not in order to hide his identity ) Changing Harry’s name. I can understand using Hadrian or Harris as the elongated versions of Harry but when someone straight up changes his name and now I’m reading a story about Daniel or Bob or something for no apparent reason then the whole thing seems stupid and illogical for me.

When Draco and Snape liked Harry from the start. Draco was a narcissistic, spoiled little child and he wasn’t nice to Harry both when he knew who he was ( train ride ) and when he didn’t ( Madam Malkin - their first meeting ). He expected admiration and friendship from Harry like if he had earned it. Making him be like a best friend from the very start is non sense, those boys would need time to come together, and with Harry’s personality I bet they’d still have a silly rivalry if they were in the same house. Same with Snape, like there’s no way he would tolerate Harry let alone like him. He hated Harry from the moment he saw him in the great hall and even before the boy went to Hogwarts. For Snape and Harry to like each other there would need to be a very good reason and it wouldn’t come immediately, but with lots of time and more interactions between each other.

Too much muggle stuff in the magical world. I don’t mind it if a lot of the story plays out in the muggle world or some muggle stuff is crucial for the story point but when I read a fan fiction where Harry was in St.Mungos and he was being treated the muggle way I lost it and dropped the fic. Like are you really going to put full on muggle medical equipment in a gigantic wizard hospital and make your healers use almost only muggle diagnostic methods? Most Wizards barely have any proper knowledge on muggles, and even muggleborns don’t know that much since they are introduced into wizarding world at a young age and basically spend the rest of their life in it. They have a lot more knowledge about muggles than pureblood wizards but it’s still not THAT much.

Overpowered Harry. The „Lord Potter; Black; Peverel; Gryfindor; Slytherin; etc… etc.. :/ nothing wrong with powerful Harry. I like powerful Harry. But it’s ridiculous that a child, a 11-15 yo boy would just instantly have more magical power than Merlin himself, and he would immediately know what to do with it

Gringotts knows everything about you. The „heritage tests” and all. Making a good use of Gringotts is amazing in fanfiction and I love exploring ideas people have on it but this trope is not only overused but also dumb. I’m not talking about simple family linking that people use or like blood checking. I mean the young Harry goes to Gringotts and just with a drop of his blood it is instantly known that he is meant to be a lord of this and that and he owns such and such properties and he is hella rich because of all the vaults that were left to him. And also goblins being friendly. These creatures do not like wizards.

Know it all Hermione. But like literally. Hermione being so overglorified and being literally smarter than Dumbledore and basically all Hogwarts staff often at age 11-16. She’s smart but let’s be real this is not possible. Like her being able to do anything in the world after “reading a book/going to the library for a bit”

Harry being the most handsome, ripped and freaking amazing Hogwarts student while literally being like 14 or 15.

Harem… Nothing bad with Harry having a flock of girls that are attracted to him ( this is canon ) but oversexualizing women in order to make Harry the girl-magnet that has 7 girlfriends and like all the „conventionaly attractive” witches around him - Hermione, Ginny, Fleur, Daphne etc.”

Harry hating Dumbledore from the beginning, blaming everything on the poor old man, being annoyed by the most stupid thing like: “Dumbledore smiled at him, and Harry went utterly furious” ://

Child Harry behaving like an adult and teenage/mature Harry behaving like a child. Why would a 11 yo go to Hogwarts and suddenly be a master manipulator, know exactly what to say to get out of difficult situation and can outsmart his peers and/or adults to show „how much better he is”. And the other situation: Harry being completely clueless, using childish language, being referred to by others as “little one, pup etc.”

All Slytherins are misunderstood angels. No they aren’t! As a Slyhetin myself I can recognize Draco’s ( and his friends ) bullshit when I see it! Yes stop the stereotype of “All Slytherins are bad” but do not excuse actually bad Slytherins.

Fics gloryfing toxic pureblood culture. Exploring different aspects of the culture, the better and worse ones is cool and creative but I’ve seen a lot of fics gloryfing what is just abusive and toxic and romanticizing it in the name of “pureblood customs/traditions”

Guns… just no… like what? It’s like how to tell you’re American without telling you’re American. I hate seeing guns in HP and the wizarding world, and the often following glorification of this weapon

Excessive American English. I don’t mind it much if it’s just some words but please all the slang and common words from American English are annoying. It’s not that hard to do a little bit of reaserch of the common differences in some words. The story is played ( mainly ) in the United Kingdom, the language used by characters should be British English ( like Harry & Hermione ) and Scottish English ( like McGonagall )

Excessive ( and especially if heavily described ) abuse from Dursleys that would have killed Harry at least 5 times before he would be 10. Like heavy beating, breaking bones, stabbing. I do not like reading such things and I found this in fanfics quite a lot….

Oversexualization of children 11-15. While exploring the sexual side of romance/life is okay in a teenager, it is a part of life, I hate seeing fics that oversexualize ships that at the time have characters aged 11-15 - literal children, especially oversexualizing young Hermione, in some Harmony fics ( where she was 14 ), or Ginny, with fics calling her a slut/whore because she had a crush on Harry, or when she’s a bit older because she dated a few boys.

Illogical use of Parseltongue. First of all Parseltongue is a language and Parselmouth is the speaker ( pls I beg don’t describe Harry as a Parseltongue ). But suddenly this language being like all powerful, and you can do wandless magic with it and basically perform any spell without ever using it before.

Luna being bullied by every Ravenclaw, ( like most of those ppl - especially the older ones or younger ones - do not actually care ) and her being like a super mega seer that knows all about the future and is actually super mega smart in her weirdness.

Feel free to add your points to this list!

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t4llhum4n · 7 months

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👀 pleaaaaase talk about vega i wanna hear everything you have to say about him 🙏🏻❤️

OMG, YES THANK YOU. YOU'RE A GODSEND <3

Vega is my favorite character from a writing perspective. Full stop. Both Prime and Imp!Vega are such interesting character studies for me it's unreal. Imp!Vega is a whole 'nother can of worms though, so I'll save that for another day.

Gonna cut because I can already tell that this is gonna be long.

So, what's so interesting about Vega for me? Firstly, I ADORE the way that Erik approaches "morally grey" with him. Like, I love grey morals, but I really don't like it when a character is just mysterious for mystery's sake, y'know? But with Vega? There are REASONS.

Reason one: He's old as fuck. No but fr, I LOVE this example of immortality and living for millennia. We always talk about how being immortal would kinda suck because all of our friends and loved ones would die and all that. This guy? He's been there, done that. Vega has existed for so long; it makes so much sense that he's disillusioned to stuff like death or suffering. Which brings me to my next point..

Reason two: Not only is he old -- he's an old sadism demon. So, not only has this dude witnessed people dying and suffering, he's BEEN THERE. Hell, he's probably been causing it for thousands of years. I mean, everybody's gotta eat, right? Which, when you think about it, would make the outcome of the Cacophony so much worse for him. For all we know, the Vega that coalesced ages ago was a kind and gentle daemon, but when they imprisoned the Sovereigns, and he found out that he had to feed on the worst kinds of feelings? He would've had to bury that part of himself to SURVIVE. It's crazy man.

Another thing, the way this man plays manipulator is so insane. Like, he doesn't outright lie, he just tells the truth when and where it suits him. And he never makes himself out to be a victim or a good person. He gives explanations for his actions (sometimes), but never full-on excuses. That line about "Warden" being complicit in his actions after he told them that he was going to hurt people? If they didn't go to the Department, then yeah, they would be complicit. Speaking of the Department..

HE'S GIVES PEOPLE AN OUT. And it's in a VERY manipulative way (because I'm only talking about Prime rn). He keeps an air of mystery around "Warden" to draw them in. He knew that they were curious about him, like genuinely curious, and he played on that BIG TIME. He made a whole big deal out of his plans and kept them vague so Warden would naturally be curious about them. Then, and ONLY then, is when he reminded them that they "could leave at any time." Motherfucker KNEW that Warden would not leave his side.

And the indications of his character? He's said that everything he does is in service of his plans. So like, did that include getting caught? Was he aware of "Warden's" existence beforehand? Is he just using them? And that's the best part: WE DON'T FUCKING KNOW! Vega's manipulation is written so well that even we, as listeners, have no idea if he's truly opening up to "Warden" or not. Unreal.

Anyway, that's getting into theory territory, and I'm not about to open that box (yet). Focusing on canon stuff again, he's powerful as hell but is so subdued about it. He doesn't flaunt it beyond saying things like, "If I wanted, I could have you curled up at my feet like a dutiful puppy." And that's just.. true. No hubris on this man whatsoever. He knows his strength, and he isn't going to play it up. That'd be stupid. He might play it down though but once again that's theory territory.

And, to address the elephant in the room, the VOICE?! So so pretty. I literally get lost in how smooth it is. I made a post when Vega's new audio came out about how I had to relisten to it because his voice was so pretty it was distracting, and I just want you all to know that that is a very common occurrence for me. It's so pleasant to listen to, and part of me wonders if that's part of his manipulation as well. Like, he purposefully trained his voice like that so that it was pleasing to hear, and it made people more willing to listen? Either way though, easily one of my favorite voices on the channel (Anton's climbing quickly tho).

The fact that he's SUCH a manipulator makes him such a good character to reveal lore and foreshadowing through. Because guess what? You bet your ASS that there's gonna be some doubt there. This man has ONE audio that doesn't have either a [gaslighting], [manipulation], or [threatening harm] tag. ONE! So of course we're gonna doubt it. That means more mystery for us and more theory fodder for people like me who read way too deep into things.

..also thank you @fluffsoo for the ask!

Edit starts here!

Okay, we're back. And funny enough, I just had an in-depth conversation with a friend about a character in a book we're reading for class that we see as irredeemable. So, now I feel like talking about redemption, and along that line, how interesting it is that Vega doesn't care about being redeemed.

I love characters that are set in their goals. Vega is one driven son of a bitch -- he has his plans and fuck is he gonna see them through. And the sentiment of "no matter what it takes" is so much more interesting here. As I mentioned above, he's been exposed to the worst aspects of human emotion since the Cacophony, which explains why he's so numb to the pain of others. It's been part of his daily existence for thousands of years. So, what does he care if he has to break a few eggs to make an omelet? It's nothing new to him, and as far as he's concerned, humans do it to each other all the time. He's seen it happen millions of times over the years. Why should he care about hurting them if they don't seem to care about doing it to each other?

And his disinterest in redemption is only further shown by him not really caring that humanity will benefit if his plans come to fruition. His only focus is how it will benefit his people, who he knows have suffered for millenia longer than any human ever could. It's as he says, "The long run is the only thing that matters to [him]." Vega has no care for humans at all. He has no qualms about using them, in whatever way he must, to reach his goal.

HOWEVER, that's all his cruelty toward any human ever is. It isn't born out of hatred or disgust; what's the point in hating a being that's so much weaker than you are? He doesn't hold grudges because grudges slow progress. He doesn't seek vengeance because that would get him sidetracked. Nothing he does to humans is ever truly personal, and that's such a fascinating thing to dive into. Every cruel and vile thing he does is in service of his plans -- making him single-minded, but in an infinitely interesting way. The reason why he's so quick to jump to violent measures is because, like it or not, that's the quickest way to ensure that you get what you want. He doesn't care that it's wrong. It's efficient. That's all that matters.

Anyway, I could go on forever about this. Vega is genuinely such a well-written villain (with a voice that's pleasing as fuck to match), and I really love looking into all of the complex characters in the Redacted lore. I could write essays upon essays about characters like Regulus, Blake, Morgan, "Cutie" etc., and y'know, I just might :D

#see i can pick up on manipulation #the issue is that in this particular instance it just makes him more interesting #redacted audio #redacted asmr #redacted vega #every day vega gets closer and closer to becoming my number one #but milo #you're still going strong #t4llt4lks

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addictedtostorytelling · 2 months

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Hi! Would you be able to talk a bit about how you see Sara's relationship with Abby Fisher?

hi, anon!

so i will warn you up front: i am a great hater of the later seasons of csi and don't really have anything nice to say about them. that so, this answer is pretty critical of the writing of episode 15x12 "dead woods" and its depiction of sara and abby's relationship.

to give a "desalinized" short version of what i say below here: i actually like the impulse behind the whole "sara has a relationship with a foster kid" storyline; i just don't think the writers executed the idea well. logistically, the whole thing has more than a few holes. also, the vibes are off. ultimately, i have a difficult time emotionally investing because the implied depth just isn't there.

for a much saltier (and longer) explanation, click the "keep reading."

so here's the thing: one of the many skills which the writers of the later seasons of the show lacked was the ability to imply depth in their narratives.

while most of the time, this deficiency manifested in the form of them failing to provide any kind of contextual details about the characters' lives outside of work—would it have killed them to have sara occasionally mention visiting grissom or to every once in a while show her on the phone with him past s11?—it also sometimes did so in the form of them attempting to shoehorn in biographical information for the established characters that either contradicted or at least didn't mesh well with previously related canonical facts (e.g., when they accidentally changed sara's birthday, only to later change it back again).

and, to me, the whole abby fisher storyline falls into that latter category.

don't get me wrong: on paper, i think having sara connect with a foster child and mentor her is a really wonderful idea. executed properly, it could have been a source for some truly interesting character development for her—which, god knows, in the later seasons, she was severely lacking!—and may have even been something healing for her.

it's just—

to my mind, the way the storyline was written is so unbelievable and ultimately incongruent from sara's previously established character history that i can't really buy into it, either intellectually or emotionally.

problem #1 is the supposed timeline of it all.

within the episode, we learn that sara works the fisher case and first meets abby on 08.20.04, as is shown by the dates on the evidence photos taken at the original scene. however, that date falls right during the same interval when sara is supposedly on vacation between s4 and s5 (see episodes 04x23 "bloodlines" and 05x01 "viva las vegas").

and i know, i know! really, that discrepancy is such a small thing that only a truly nitpicky fan like myself might even notice!

i should probably just let it go.

but the thing is, it's not just an issue of sara not technically being in vegas or around to work the case at that time but also one of her not being in the right mental/emotional state to be able open up to a traumatized child then, either.

more on that point below.

furthermore, it's also not the only "fudge" of its kind.

in fact, it's actually indicative of a more general inattention to detail on the parts of the writers.

anthony zuiker took the lead writing credit for this episode, and, honestly, he's somewhat notorious for not knowing his own show's canon. he prides himself on being a big picture "ideas" guy, not a minutiae/details guy, and sometimes, the fact that he isn't the latter thing is really, really obvious. i mean, this is the same man who had to crowdsource major story arc recaps from fans on twitter to remind him of what had been going on on his own show before he wrote the series finale, for chrissake! and even then, he still got a bunch of the "fine print" stuff, like grissom not knowing who russell is, wrong.

this error being just one among many makes me less willing to ignore and/or gloss over it.

beyond the issue of sara's initial meeting with abby not fitting the timeline of the earlier seasons, equally as improbable is the notion that sara maintains regular contact with abby after they first meet.

for one thing, in the early seasons of the show when sara supposedly first meets abby, sara is a notorious workaholic who maxes out on overtime every month. if she's working 70+ hours a week on a graveyard schedule, when is she making time to have visits with this kid—and especially considering that said visits likely have to be scheduled long in advanced and supervised (because there are very strict rules in place regarding how noncustodial adults interact with kids in the foster care system), meaning she can't just swing by for a quick hello after a double shift?

considering that catherine can barely find the time to see her own biological daughter, of whom she has sole custody after early s3, when is sara fitting in hours and hours with abby, to whom she has incredibly restricted access, as per the rules and logistics of the foster care system?

also, for another thing, how does this relationship fit in with all of the canonical events of s5-15?

for example, when sara is recovering from her injuries following her abduction by the miniature killer in s8, what does she tell eight-year-old abby? does she see her during that time or do they go several months without any contact, until sara is healed up enough not to have to explain anything to her? if they don't see each other, what kind of excuses does sara make? if they do see each other, how does sara explain the situation? does she admit she nearly died at the hands of a murderer, knowing how triggering that information might be for abby to hear? or does she lie? or tell some sanitized version of the truth ("i had a bad accident, but i'm okay now")?

and what about the grissom of it all? do he and abby ever meet? if so, when? do they ever spend quality time together and/or develop any kind of relationship, especially after grissom and sara get married? if so, how does sara break the news to a fourteen-year-old abby of the divorce? does abby get any kind of closure for grissom not being a part of her life anymore?

for yet another thing, how does this idea (of sara being a regular presence in abby's life for ten years) fit with sara's nomadic lifestyle in the later seasons of the show, plus abby's general status as a foster child?

not only does sara spend significant amounts of time away from vegas between 2004 and 2014 (especially during s8, s9, s10, and s11), which would make it difficult for her to keep in touch with abby just on her side of things, but based on some of abby and her foster mother's dialogue in episode 15x12 "dead woods," it also seems that abby has only come into her placement with the higgins family fairly recently, perhaps within just the past few years or so, which means that prior to living with them, she likely moves around a lot.

the idea that sara could even keep track of this girl over the years—especially given the privacy laws surrounding foster kids—isn't particularly realistic.

one of the main things former foster kids (and especially those who are in "traditional foster care" as opposed to "kinship care") complain about is the inconsistency of the lifestyle and the fact that people are there one day and gone the next.

while the child protective services agency (cps) does their best to prevent foster kids from having to move placements, over a third of foster kids experience changes to their living arrangements at least three times per year (and some experience even more).

and, again, while cps generally tries to keep kids from having to move schools/districts when their placements change, if they can avoid it, they often don't have a choice; if the kid has been living in and attending school in henderson and the only available placement for them is in reno, then there's not much to be done but to uproot their whole life and ship them 450 miles across the state to their new home.

furthermore, to protect the privacy and safety of foster children, neither cps nor foster families are allowed to give out personal information about foster children—including their placement addresses—to anyone who doesn't have direct "need-to-know" involvement in their case (which would mostly just be custodial caretakers, school officials, and medical professionals).

all of the above so, it would likely be very, very difficult for sara to maintain a relationship with abby, especially over the course of a decade.

that girl has likely been in multiple placements in multiple locations (some of them not in clark county) since sara has known her, and since sara doesn't—even as law enforcement—fall into any of those "need to know" categories of persons who legally receive updates about abby's whereabouts when she gets reassigned, she probably wouldn't be able to follow her movements.

however, even if sara were somehow to (improbably) maintain contact with abby between 2004 and 2007, once sara skipped town and went "off the grid" circa episode 08x07 "goodbye & good luck" and/or later episode 09x02 "the happy place," the second abby moved placements, she likely wouldn't be able to find her again (and especially considering that, at the time, abby would be just eight or nine years-old and wouldn't have a cell phone or email account she could use to reach out to sara on her end of things).

the whole scenario lacks veracity, even with what sara herself has previously said about her own experiences in foster care.

for example, in episode 07x16 "monster in the box," sara remarks to grissom on how hard it is to keep up with foster kids due to spotty record-keeping.

—and that's the main problem, really.

beyond the whole "how would this relationship even work?" of the thing, there is also the issue of characterization—a question of "would sara even behave in this manner?", the answer to which i think, ultimately, is no.

i could forgive all of the logistical errors and the farfetchedness of the situation if the story itself didn't feel so antithetical to sara's character history and jar with everything we know about her development.

see, episode 15x12 "dead woods" suggests that sara sees abby very regularly and plays a prominent mentoring role in her life, enough to know who her boyfriend is—and have beef with him!—and to understand her complicated feelings about her foster family. they supposedly go to concerts together and hang out with some frequency. theirs is an emotionally open and socially intimate connection.

the implication is that sara is almost like a mother to abby—someone abby is even closer to and more highly esteems than her current foster (and soon to be adoptive) mom, joanna higgins; the first person she thinks to call for when she's in trouble.

but that implication doesn't fit with sara's character arc.

see, it's not that i doubt that the sara of 2014 could be open enough to bond with a traumatized foster kid over their shared life experiences and serve as a touchstone for her.

it's that i doubt the sara of 2004 would.

the sara of 2004—and especially the summer of 2004, six months prior to the events of episode 05x13 "nesting dolls"—wouldn't respond to seeing a little girl whose trauma so closely mirrors her own by reaching out to her, forming a deep connection based in mutual disclosure, and involving herself as a surrogate mother-figure in her life.

i'm not saying sara doesn't have the capacity to be nurturing—i mean, i am the person writing a huge geek!baby au series, the latest installment of which is all about sara discovering just how strong her maternal instincts actually are—or that she wouldn't feel for the kid or want to help her.

rather, i'm saying she just wouldn't be able to bring herself to get that close.

think of the analog situation: brenda collins in episode 01x07 "blood drops."

sara has such a difficult time even being around that kid and looking her in the eyes to start off with, all because she knows, on a deeply personal level, what it feels like to be her.

it's not that she's not empathetic toward brenda and her situation.

to the contrary: she can feel her pain all too keenly! she cares all too much!

that's why it's so painful for her to even acknowledge brenda's existence.

her feelings are still too raw for her to really force herself to interface.

though in that case, she does eventually end up dropping her guard and stepping up to advocate for brenda as needed, she only ultimately does so because grissom compels her to act as brenda's chaperone.

had he not given her that assignment and she instead been left to her own devices, she wouldn't ever have gotten close to the girl.

not of her own volition.

she only starts to show that external level of care because she's made to.

and what's noteworthy is that even when she does show it, she still conceals the reason why she is doing so—from grissom, from the rest of the team, and even from brenda herself.

though she behaves very compassionately toward brenda, she never makes their interactions personal. she never lets on that she understands what brenda is going through. she never transgresses the boundaries of what would be considered the expected behavior for any safe and caring adult looking after a traumatized child under the circumstances.

while we as fans can retroactively read her backstory into her actions throughout that episode, she as a character still plays her cards so close to her chest that no one else within the universe of the show can even think about reading them.

indeed, no one but grissom even really notices she's holding them.

and that's because she isn't ready to go "all in" in that way yet.

she isn't to a place where she is ready to face her own trauma, much less confess to it, much less process it—which is what would be required of her were she to allow herself to get any closer to brenda than she actually does.

—which brings us back to abby.

the sara of 2004 hasn't yet reached a place where she is ready to reckon with her childhood trauma yet.

though she wants to—desperately—and will eventually get to the point where she is willing to at least talk about it with grissom (see episode 05x13 "nesting dolls"), honestly, it will still be years before she is finally able to lay her "ghosts" fully to rest (see her letter in episode 08x07 "goodbye & good luck").

and that being the case—

well, i just can't imagine her being as emotionally available to abby as episode 15x12 "dead woods" suggests is the case.

not early on.

not when she would have initially been forming that bond.

that flashback scene from the hospital room where she ends up hugging five-year-old abby?

i can believe that moment could happen.

all but taken by surprise as she is, sara could and would be unguarded enough to open her arms to that little girl and offer her some comfort; she wouldn't reject someone that vulnerable, no matter how scared she was herself. she would recognize all she needed to be right then was a steady shoulder to weep on and a soft voice to reassure. she could hold abby for that moment and validate her cries for her mother.

but beyond that initial instance of connection?

i just can't see 2004 sara continuing to have contact with abby after the case had concluded.

watching that girl be absorbed into the foster care system while grieving the loss of her parents and grappling with the nature of her father's (alleged) crimes would just hit too close to home for sara—and especially at a time when she is herself really struggling with her own trauma.

lest we forget, during the summer between s4 and s5, sara is attending mandatory peap sessions, spending significant time away from the lab on much-needed vacation, and struggling to get her life/career back on track in the wake of her s4 depression and problematic alcoholic usage.

she's not exactly doing hot™ herself.

she doesn't really have much water in her emotional well to draw from in order to share with somebody else.

moreover, she still, to date, has never told anyone about her childhood. she doesn't even yet have the words to talk about it (see her speech to the mirror in episode 05x01 "viva las vegas").

so for as much as her heart undoubtedly goes out to abby, i just can't see her incorporating abby into her life to the degree that episode 15x12 "dead woods" suggests that she does.

it's a "please secure your mask before assisting others" kind of situation with her, you know?

she's still dealing with her own issues and isn't in a state to help someone else at that point—and especially not an incredibly vulnerable child.

and, honestly, i think she'd recognize as much.

she'd know she couldn't be what abby probably would need her to be at that time—and that being so, i can't really see her purposefully inserting herself into abby's world.

she'd figure abby would be better left to "the professionals."

i think the story we're told in episode 15x12 "dead woods" forgets just how jagged the sara of 2004's edges are; it acts as if she has the same emotional capacity back then as she does in 2014, and the fact is, she just doesn't.

had sara met abby in s10 or s11 when she a) was mentally healthy and emotionally stable; b) had gotten some closure on her childhood trauma; and c) had lots of free time on her hands given her whole "long-distance marriage" situation with grissom, then i could see her being able to open up to abby and thrive in a mentorship role with her in the way canon implies she does.

but that's not the story episode 15x12 "dead woods" tells.

it insists that a much younger, much more mixed-up, much less self-actualized sara somehow manages to step into the role of surrogate mother for a physically and psychologically-wounded child whose trauma closely mirrors her own and is able to say and do all the right things, to the point where that child comes to trust her implicitly.

and to me? that's a hard story to believe.

it requires an almost insurmountable suspension of my critical thinking and understanding of sara's character arc.

—especially considering how many needs abby likely has at the time when sara is first getting to know her.

traumatized children require a special brand of tlc.

one of the most important parts of having a relationship with them (as an adult) is to offer them as much stability as possible—meaning if you say you're going to see them, you have to show up; you can't miss the appointment, even if you end up getting pulled onto a double or triple shift; even if you're maybe having a shit mental health day yourself. failure to follow through can result in an erosion of their trust in you and cause setbacks for them in their recovery.

you also have to be very patient and help them regulate what are sometimes some very big emotions. traumatized kids will frequently throw tantrums or act out. they'll oftentimes be whiny or clingy. they'll enact age-inappropriate behaviors. and as the adult in the relationship, you have to meet them where they are, soothe them, and redirect those behaviors once they're calm enough. to do so, you must yourself manage your own emotions. you have to have awareness of the situation and be able to offer them what they need, whether it be cuddles or verbal reassurance or cognitive tools to help them process what they're feeling.

while of course if you as a caretaker or otherwise invested adult can apologize if you make mistakes and do your best to make amends, the point is that you need to be consistent and selfless and place the needs of the child first. and if you're struggling a lot yourself, then you need to make a judgment call about whether your presence will ultimately hurt the child; if so, you need to remove yourself from the situation and get your shit together before you resume interacting with them.

it takes a lot of energy and insight to navigate those kinds of relationships.

again, i'm not saying sara isn't empathetic or that she is incapable of being there for someone who's been traumatized—her ability to step up for members of her team (like nick and greg) after they go through various hardships proves she is more than equal to the task of offering support as needed—but i am saying that i'm not sure the sara of 2004 would choose to voluntarily place herself into that role; not when she has herself been that kid and knows what the stakes are.

realizing how she tends to react in situations where she's triggered, and realizing that just being around abby triggers her, i think she'd opt to stay away (probably more on a subconscious level than a conscious one).

she wouldn't want to screw up.

she wouldn't want to hurt abby because she was "too in her own feelings."

—which i suppose brings me to my last major objection to the whole sara and abby dynamic, which is just how the dynamic itself is written.

like i said: i'm not at all opposed to the idea of sara acting quasi-maternal; i think she probably does have that capacity in her, however deeply sublimated it may be.

i just feel like—once again—the execution in this case is flawed.

the sara of episode 15x12 "dead woods" seems almost strident in her "mama bear" role with abby. apparently, she has lectured abby about her ne'er-do-well boyfriend on more than one occasion. she even serves as a kind of liaison between abby and joanna, confident she has a better read on abby's feelings than joanna does. which, albeit, is a view with which joanna herself seems to concur. she doesn't hesitate to chase abby's shithead boyfriend down the hall at pd and all but assault him or to take abby out on a saturday night, seemingly without asking anyone's permission. though of course concerned about abby's feelings, she's noticeably forward in all of their interactions. she doesn't hesitate to offer advice or even to try to lay down ground rules.

—which, on a superficial level, could be a valid interpretation of how sara tends to love.

i mean, sara has always been a "heart on her sleeve," "in with both feet" kind of gal, just in general. she does tend to love fiercely and be protective of "her people."

right?

i mean, kind of.

in a "broad strokes" sort of way.

but when you take a slightly more nuanced view of her and how she expresses love, her behavior toward abby actually feels somewhat off. it's too aggressive, in a lot of ways. too "in your face."

just like so much of her characterization of the later seasons, it comes across as inexact, like a flattened-out version of her actual personality, with all of the details and complexities of her sanded off.

yes, sara loves deeply and is very emotional by nature. yes, she has a strong sense of what's right and doesn't back down from doing what she thinks is needed. but she also gives the people she loves space and doesn't typically impose on them.

see, for example, the scene in episode 07x06 "burn out," where she both protects greg and redirects grissom's misplaced anger off of him and is very subtle in how she does so, showing great tenderness toward both parties.

she also tends to "know her role."

see, for example, in episode 10x01 "family affair": when she points out that catherine is lacking a "right-hand man," she doesn't attempt to install herself in that position, realizing it's not hers to fill not only for logistical reasons (i.e., because she is only in town temporarily) but also because she and catherine don't have that kind of dynamic with each other; instead, she just gently encourages catherine to seek out someone she trusts and is ultimately very glad to see her eventually select nick.

i have no doubt that sara loves abby and cares very much for her well-being, but i've also got to believe that even for as much as she loves and cares about her, she would always remain highly aware that she was not actually her mother, either foster or adoptive.

and to me, that awareness would cause her to act differently than what we see in canon—less vehement and imposing; less "in the driver's seat" and more "in the passenger's."

there'd be if not some reticence on her part—though maybe that, too—at least some deference.

sara would realize: the people who should be setting rules for abby and finalizing major life decisions with her are her foster (soon to be adoptive) parents, who play a role in her daily life that sara herself doesn't.

and, yes, sara has known abby for ten years while they've only known her for a few years at most, but that's why it would be all the more imperative for sara to make that demarcation very clear for everyone involved, particularly as the higgins family intends to adopt abby and will be her full-time guardians for the next several years.

based on her own experiences in foster care, i think sara would likely understand the importance of setting boundaries and making it clear to abby that though she is her friend and is happy to offer both a listening ear and advice, she is not her parent.

this delineation would have been especially crucial for sara to draw when abby was younger, so as not to inadvertently get her hopes up that sara was going to foster or adopt her.

again, while she could still be (and likely would still be) very nurturing to abby, i just don't see her having that much of an authority role in abby's life.

it just feels like too much of an overstep with a kid she probably only sees a couple of times a month at most* and who, given that she is a foster child, probably needs clearly-drawn relationship boundaries with the adults in her life in order to feel secure.

* even ignoring all of the real life logistics that would make it impossible for them to remain in such close contact.

the last thing sara would ever want to do would be to confuse abby or give her unrealistic expectations or to impose on/complicate/undermine her relationship with her foster family.

so, to me, if it were actually written with sara's core characterization in mind, then sara's relationship with abby would be one with a lot more gentle questioning in it as opposed to brash pronouncements. it'd be less "i told you you have to dump that guy!" and more "what exactly do you see in him? i'm genuinely interested to know." there'd be a pinch more "well, why don't you ask joanna?" and maybe some self-conscious awkwardness at the realization that, yes, in some situations she does know abby better because she's known her longer (but that still doesn't make her "mom").

above everything, sara would be very conscientious about not screwing up™.

she'd remember just how vulnerable being in foster care makes a kid. she'd understand abby was traumatized and likely has attachment issues galore. "sometimes i look for validation in inappropriate places," anyone? she would have doubts about her own capabilities to be as selfless and emotionally available as she would need to be for abby's sake, and, even though she would ultimately find both the strength and the wisdom to step up, she would always remain just a little bit cautious of herself.

she'd consider there are reasons why, even for all the love she has for abby and all she wants to be a part of her life, she never does foster or adopt her herself; that there are certain things she can't give or be, whether it's the time or just the "totality" of that kind of parent-child relationship.

even after ten years, she'd be careful not to cross the wires between "friend/mentor" and "parent."

so.

all of the above said, for as much as i want to like sara's relationship with abby in episode 15x12 "dead woods," to me, it just ultimately doesn't hit.

it feels like something poorly contrived and even more poorly executed.

like so much of the characterization of the later seasons, it falls about two inches to the left of who and what sara actually is and how she would really behave.

in a better world where the later seasons' writers actually knew what they were doing, i would have loved to have seen this storyline done differently.

instead of trying to retroactively insert a relationship with a foster kid into the already established show canon, why not show it develop in real time, starting in s15?

rather than saying, "sara has had this kid in her life all along. you just never knew about it before now!", let the audience watch her meet the kid and slowly get to know her.

let us observe that initial awkwardness. let us see sara's struggle with how much she ought to say regarding her own situation and how much she should keep submerged. let us be present for the moments when sara summons her courage to step up and be vulnerable in ways she didn't realize she was capable of. earn the emotional connection between them. allow the love to grow up organically.

and, yeah, i know, doing things that way would make it impossible to play out the "ten years later, abby's dad gets posthumously exonerated!" storyline of episode 15x12 "dead woods."

but, honestly? that plot was not very well done anyhow, so i don't think it'd be a great loss to sacrifice it in favor of giving sara some actual long-lasting character development.

make sara's interaction with the foster kid into a full-on arc. it could be really good—much more so than what we actually get in canon, which, frankly, just falls flat on multiple levels.

the writers tried to imply depth that just wasn't there and didn't succeed.

anyway.

enough salt out of me; we've got a whole mine here by now.

thanks for the question! please feel welcome to send another any time.

#answered #anon #asks: csi #**#my meta #meta: csi #meta: sara #csiverse #later seasons #15x12 #let's talk shop

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corpupine · 1 year

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A Long-Awaited Update

I’ve been putting off writing this update for a while now. Not because I’m suffering or struggling at all—life is actually really good! It’s had some truly awful, crappy stuff mixed in, but for the most part my life is very happy. The reason I’ve been putting this off is that I really don’t know where to start. Most of you will have noticed that I stopped posting updates of NemaTale on here sometime last year. There are a couple of reasons for that that I want to explain, then I want to move on to life updates and what’s coming next for NemaTale.

First: Why did I stop posting on Deviantart?

There’s no special reason or controversy here. I post on three sites: Deviantart, Tumblr, and Tapas. Both Tumblr and Tapas offer a scheduling system so that posts can be queued in advance. I was able to schedule posts on those two sites, but Deviantart doesn’t have that function, so each time there was an update I had to go in and manually enter all the information. As my life got more and more hectic (which will be explained a little bit more in the life updates section), I found that I was forgetting to update on Deviantart. I kept on putting it off, figuring I’d get around to it eventually. But uh, whoops—the end of Chapter 4 has been posted everywhere but on Deviantart! I’ll get those last pages up and running soon, but I wanted to offer some sort of explanation before I did so.

(As a side note: I haven't been keeping up with updating the links between pages on Tumblr, for a similar reason. I'll hopefully get those up and going soon so you guys can read the comic more easily on here.)

Second: What’s going on with Corpupine?

So much, you guys. Soooo much, and most of it is—like I said—truly wonderful. I haven’t been posting updates about my life hardly at all, and I want to maintain privacy, but here’s a few fun things I wanted to tell you about:

-Got a big girl job working for a local publishing company (I’m an editor by day and I love it, but it’s very time and energy consuming)

-Helped my wonderful husband self publish a book (that I edited, naturally)

-Moved to a different city

-Finally, finally finished a draft for a novel I’ve been tinkering with for 9 years

Oh, and also, this:

Yes, in what may be the best (accidentally) kept secret ever, I’m a few months away from giving birth to a baby girl. That has been the main reason for my absence online as my husband and I have been preparing for her arrival. This baby has been very much something we have hoped for, and it took longer than we expected to get this far, so we are very happy. We are over the moon excited, a little freaked out, and ready to snuggle her sooo good.

So with that bombshell dropped, let’s talk a little bit more about the stuff you’re all really here for.

What’s next for NemaTale?

Months before I got pregnant, I had already finished Chapter 5. The script for chapter 6 is about 50% written—the broad strokes are there, I just need to nail down the dialogue. Then I started my big-girl job, and life started to get a little out of control. I was incredibly busy all the time with my job, and helping my husband with his book, and I really wanted to start using any free time just to rest and recuperate. I think that was the best choice for me; too much on my plate would have probably led me to have a nervous breakdown, haha. As it is, I’m doing well emotionally, but . . . I haven’t drawn anything since about June of last year. So we’ve got Chapter 5, totally finished and just waiting to be queued up; chapter 6, partially written; aaaaand then a big black void in front of me. (Why does that word feel so . . . familiar?) That should be scary to me, but it’s not. I’ve accomplished a lot, even if I haven’t progressed on the comic. I’m proud of myself and how far I’ve come. But what does that mean for you guys?

Here's the lowdown: I’m giving birth soon. I’m not going to be able to commit to any sort of comic goals in the near future. I’m not even sure what the future of NemaTale looks like, but I do know this: I still love this story. I don’t want to stop creating it, but now’s not the right time for me to be focusing on that. Sometimes life just gets too full to do everything on the list. I just can’t keep this at the top of my list for now.

Chapter 5 is, as I’ve said, completely ready to go (except for the chapter cover, which I haven’t made yet.) So I’m going to put this choice out to you guys. What do you want? Do you want me to go ahead and post chapter 5 over the next few months and then I’ll just see you all when I see you, somewhere down the line? Or do you want me to wait to post chapter 5 until there is also a chapter 6 officially on the way? That could take many, many months, so be aware of that.

I love the interactions I have with all of you. I’d love to keep having them, even if I won’t be able to post new stuff beyond chapter 5 for a while. But I really am okay doing whatever you guys think is best with regards to posting chapter 5. Just let me know in the comments below.

All right, I think that’s everything. I appreciate your patience with me in all this. In the past year, so much has happened. My husband and I have gone on adventures. I turned twenty-five and I’m finally starting to feel more comfortable in my own skin. I tragically lost one dear relative and for a while we thought we were going to lose another one—which, miraculously, we haven’t. Spring is here, and there’s a little girl kicking me in the ribs as I write this. Life is good.

#random nematale update #uhhh...surprise?#tbh i'm not sure how people are going to take this #but i just wanted to get an update out there #i'm happy and thriving and well #just...very busy #<3 you all

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fenikorg-talks · 7 months

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jujutsu kaisen chs 235,236 spoliers!

no but like i truly believe he actually forgot a chapter

you cant tell me otherwise why the heck in chapter 235 gojo was winning and then in ch 236 out of NOWHERE he's in heaven. it doesn't make any fucking sense

this is how 235 ends:

gojo just released purple on sukuna destroying everything in its path, including himself, he healing slowly but steady, and sukuna on the verge of death, without a single hope of winning. everyone else is so sure that gojo won that they arent doubting the fight, they have 100% trust that gojo already won, without any but's or if's.

and THEN 236 starts like this:

at first i thought it was a memory, but then gojo brings up the comment that dying was something to do alone, and I thought it was an hallucination or something like that, but then EVERY SINGLE DEAD PERSON THAT WAS CLOSE TO GOJO started to appear telling him that it was just damn time for him to finally die. Then gojo brings up the bullshit that he didn't do anything to protect the others, that he only did it for fun, to not be bored anymore, to finally fight with an opponent without holding back because he was the strongest and blah blah blah and I was certain it was bullshit. that man right there wasn't gojo it was someone else and gege was trying to get us off balance, something like a distorted reality or mixed thoughts that arent quite true and all that, but then they throw me this on the face:

and we dont fucking know what shit happened. think about it: gojo's winning, sukuna almost dies, there's a very suspicious scene on the airport with teen gojo and everyone who he cared in his teenage years, and now he's dead, half body lying on the ground with a smirking sukuna declaring how the hell he won the match. IT DOESNT MAKE FUCKING SENSE. WERE WAS THE BATTLE? WERE WAS THE ACTION? WERE WAS EVERYONE ELSE COMMENTING THE SHIT THAT WAS HAPPENING? alright, it might have been a surprise attack, BUT WITH WHAT FUNDAMENTS DID SUKUNA ATTACKED??? there are too many plotholes in just these fifteen pages alone and I need answers. there is no need for a great explanation, I just needed a one single panel with the worried expressions of everyone who was watching, screaming even, for gojo who was in danger. if it was really a sneak attack and gojo couldn't see it, at least everyone else did, but noooooo they just showed us maki and yuta holding back themselves from literally murdering sukuna, and that was during sukuna's speech. where was higuruma's, yuji's, hakari's, miwa's, hajime's, ANYONE'S REACTION. JUST ONE WAS ENOUGH TO FIGURE OUT SOMETHING BAD WAS ABOUT TO HAPPEN.

another thing that had been bugging me: sukuna was fucking dyyiiing how the fuck did he healed himself if he didn't have enough cursed energyyyy reallyyy this is fucking insaaneeee, there are tooooo many plothollesss I insist. And then there's that, fucking piece of information, that sukuna "was holding back".... my dude, he was LOSING. i don't know if it just came to gege's mind that, "oh i hate gojo so much i cant keep writing this fight its giving me nausea, i know, lets fucking kill him so i don't have to see him again, yey!" ...... I'm sorry that's not how gege thinks. he may hate gojo but he KNOWS he's important for the story, otherwise he would have him gone a looooong time ago, i mean have you seen all the bullshit sad backstories he gives to this man?? the divorce?? the fushiguros???? yuta and mika????? itadori??????? shoko, utahime, masamichi, the elders??????? the DEPT that this man carries???? gege might hate gojo, but lets not forget that he is a well written character. and that also makes me overthink a little about the very first chapters of the manga, when yuji asks gojo if he can defeat sukuna, AND JUST WHAT DO YOU THINK HE RESPONDS??

EXACTLY!! HE WOULD WIN! so that was a fucking lie, gojo was keeping yuji safe from wondering, or gege is planning something sick (there's also the option of gege just forgetting it, but for the sake of my mental health I wont elaborate on that) there are still things I do not understand and I NEED gege to explain.

also, there is this things that keeps coming to my head: sukuna isn't the type of sorcerer to brag about his power, like gojo did before, he releases his power when he needs it, and with the cards he's given. with itadori he couldn't do much because yuji could control him so the little things he did was due to the circumstances, like when yuji asked for help, he didn't want to help but the curse wanted to fight so sukuna killed the curse, then he ASKS YUJI TO RETURN TO THE CONTROL like damn that man has matters. and then, when jogo makes yuji eat the other ten fingers, he's overpower and starts to do whatever he wants because he has been in yuji's control way too much, and after he defeats jogo, who willingly wanted to fight sukuna, he literally gives yuji the control of the body again. it might be to lower yuji's motivations but still, he took advantage of the momentum to move on with his plan. another time he took the opportunity was when yuji died and made the contract that allowed him in the shibuya incident take control of fushiguro's body. this guy is smart, and he doesn't waste opportunities, so I can see him winning the battle. we all know by now that he did in fact won the battle, but we don't know with what kind of plan or tricks did he do it. i still don't buy the thing with mahoraga

i feel like it's something else, something is missing, then again there isn't enough information, probably lost on the chapter gege forgot to release.

THE FACT THAT THIS MOMENT ALONE MADE ME SCREAM INTO THE VOID. and it wasn't because gojo was dead, neither because sukuna gave him the credit he deserved, NO, its because gojo's smiling, he's FUCKING SMILING. that man doesn't want to fight anymore, its written all over the page, that man is tired, satisfied, and is hallucinating. and the fact that I can see that is what makes me scream. WHAT ABOUT FUSHIGURO MAN, ARE YOU JUST GONNA LET HIM DIE IN THE PIT OF DARKNESS HE'S IN?!! WHAT ABOUT THE PROMISE BRO WTF I know you didn't like Toji, but you got way too close with the kid you wanted to protect him you wanted him to live DUDE. he's just gonna leave all the work to the others, he wants to rest, he doesn't want to do anything with curses or sorcerers or anything like that, he will LEAVE them alone helpless because gojo was their last hope he was the strongest the only one who could win against the king of curses damn it aaaallll.

and THAT just makes me think... what are the others thinking? the only reactions we got from the last chapter were from maki, yuta, yuji and hajime, and they're veeeeery different

LOOK VERY CLOSELY TO THEM

yuta is fucking angry and worried and obviously scared, but still grabs his katana so anxious as he wants to go to the battlefield. maki is holding him back, with a more steady and severe expression, because she knows they cant defeat sukuna. the background around them is dark and still meaning they're still in the same place, holding back and waiting for the next move. yuji's expression is fucking scared, he's worried and he's sweating, and I'm certain he's trying not to cry, his background is moving which can mean he's moving to the battlefield even if he knows he's going to die, no one is holding him back which can mean either they are letting him go (such a shitty friends really) or haven't noticed he's gone. and hajime Is already IN the battlefield. that slash that cut gojo in two had enough time for him to move from wherever they were into the battlefield and he's EXCITED HE'S SMILING LIKE THE FUCKING IDIOT HE IS idk if he will be able to win against sukuna given the fact that he literally killed gojo, but oh well...

this is madness, i need the forgotten chapter

let me know about other things you notice too pleasssseeee

this also gave me A LOT of things to think about, like what will happen with itadori and his powers and all the rage he has and all the dead people he has seen and... well, all the tragedy

i might as well post something about itadori, we'll see

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