#cluster b recovery

[raincamp]

seeing other cluster Bs with only a platonic favorite person/attentive person/exception/equal person makes me so happy. RB if youre a cluster b with a platonic Favorite Person/Attentive Person/Exception/Equal Person!! you are so valid

[bpdnchill]

Tw mental health, BPD, discussion of trauma responses, guilt.

I'm sharing this because I want to highlight how incredibly insidious the effects of this neurotype can be on your life, and also how much work goes into controlling your trauma responses. This is why people attempting to recover from cluster B personality disorders can often seem exhausted and discouraged by the process.

Classic moments in BPD: irrational anger and jealousy because someone else's homebrew rpg scenario was mentioned in a public forum, and I am also writing one (completely unrelated to the one mentioned).

This is how insane the brain can be.

One way to deal with it: Tracing the thought process to understand (for me) that it comes from a childhood of constantly being compared unfavorably to all the other kids and berated / punished as a result. Accepting it is a trauma response. Allowing the feelings of anxiety and stress to exist, and fade. Being deeply uncomfortable during that process. Acknowledgement of the feelings of guilt for "being crazy".

The spoons all that takes is unbelievable.

This was one tiny moment yesterday that took a huge amount of energy to deal with.

The process of dealing with such unwanted thoughts and responses becomes more automatic with time and practice, but not significantly easier. It is still Trigger > Process > Resolve > Recover.

Puppy tax for serious musings 💕

[moonlit-positivity]

Here is my controversial mental health take of the day: your negative emotions are not the problem, its the way you handle them that becomes the problem. You being jealous that your friend hung out with someone else and didn't tell you, is actually not the problem. It's when you choose to get angry with them, yell & lash out, or passive aggressively do something they hate to get revenge, or when you ignore them and isolate and self harm, those are all harmful ways to cope with your feelings. Rather than react, take the time to validate yourself, because it's normal to feel jealous or left out and chances are that there are deeper abandonment wounds that are triggered here, probably from your childhood. Take a moment to pause before you react. Then try a direct and open communication to your friend instead. Because I guarantee you they'll respond so much better to you opening up a conversation with, "hey, I felt left out when you hung out with so-and-so without me, can we talk about that? And maybe hang out soon?" Rather than the now laborious and torturous emotional work of having to feel guilty for your rage when you lash out or get revenge. Splitting is normal, because who doesn't get pissed off at someone you're close with? Your switching emotions from highly affectionate to devaluation are not the problem. Everyone gets disgusted & hurt by someone they love at some point in our lives, especially small offenses, I guarantee you chances are that person isn't doing it on purpose and would gladly like to know how you feel, these emotions and conversations are normal and necessary for humans to have. But the inability to clearly and directly communicate your feelings and needs to that person when you are hurt is what makes it toxic. You can absolutely learn how to handle your reactions in a safer manner, how to identify when you're feeling hurt, and how to communicate and ask for clarity and resolution rather than react and escalate. Communication is the backbone of every relationship you will ever have. This is what the emotional work of most personality disorders looks like.

[love-me-love-my-weirdness]

Shout out to the people who never had a safe place. Who didn’t have a before trauma. Who were loved but not protected. Who were collateral damage in someone else’s breakdown. Who got fucked up so young that they’ll never know who they could have been.

Shout out to people who’ve never felt safe. I hope you do someday.

[a-sip-of-milo]

Abuse isn't only physical. Sometimes it is...

Shouting at them until they cry/retaliate.

Humiliating them in front of friends and family.

Refusing to let them see friends and family.

Isolating them from what's outside.

Refusing to let them have control over their own finances / keeping it all for yourself.

Belittling their looks, their personality, their thoughts, etc.

Bullying them in any way.

Purposely pushing boundaries.

Threatening them, either physically, verbally or emotionally.

Controlling what and when they eat.

Locking them in rooms so they can't escape.

Refusing to let them use the toilet/eat/sleep/etc. after or before a certain time.

Gaslighting them into questioning their own reality.

Lying to or manipulating the people around them so they look like the abuser.

Purposely breaking their belongings, especially in front of them.

Ignoring safewords/"stop"/anything that indicates they're not okay with what's happening (in general, not just in the bedroom)

Giving them zero privacy. That means going through their diaries, tracking them, attending their therapy/doctors appointments when they don't want you to.

Setting them up to fail for the sole purpose of getting to punish them.

Obvious favoritism of one child over another/the others.

All of these are things that I have personally been through. They contributed heavily to my eating disorder, my BPD, my anxiety and my depression.

[chronicsymptomsyndrome]

Having survived abuse from people with mental illnesses, I know the urge to warn others to be wary of those mental illnesses. I know how often it can feel like that is your only power in life…the only action you can take against what you went through. But listen. Just because a mentally ill person caused you complex trauma, doesn’t mean you get to generalize and slander and malign every person with that mental illness.

You do not have to forgive your abusers. but you do have to heal without spreading stigma and misinformation. you do have to heal without antagonizing or dehumanizing others who are also just trying to heal. you have to help break the cycle. because nobody can heal alone.

[neuroticboyfriend]

i promise you'll feel better once you start to let go of the idea of being a good/bad person and just focus on doing your best to put more good into this world than bad.

if there's anything you've learned from my blog(s), it's that we can't put humans into neat little boxes. you're going to do marvelous things and save lives without even realizing it. you're going to fuck up terribly and leave a scar on someone, maybe forever. because we all do. you are not terribly or wonderfully unique in regards to that - but you are terribly and wonderfully unique in how irreplaceable your impact on someone else is.

for better or worse, no one else has the exact same knowledge, feelings, thoughts, worldview, support, experiences, and memories as you. you are the only person on this earth capable of wielding all that you are and directing it into creating a better world for all of us. all you can reasonably do is be aware of how your thoughts guide your actions, and what you choose to do. and that is far from the same thing as being utterly consumed by it.

and don't get too deep about it. you'd be surprised at how far just being authentically you and taking care of yourself can go. sometimes all you need to do for someone else is exist.

[livingzomboy]

some of yall forgot, so im gonna remind you:

- Moral Purity is unattainable. This is recognized in philosophy too.

-Moral purity culture today is HEAVILY ableist

- Immoral actions can be justified

- Your personality disorder doesnt make you a "bad person" even if it makes you do "bad" things

- Moral Purists are NOT welcome in real leftist spaces

-Moral Purity is pushed even more in christianity, which should tell you all you need to know.

- You deserve love , even if moral purists label you a "bad person"

- You deserve love. Period. Full Stop.

[clusterrune]

Narc Supply

a list of things that could be a narc supply! things pw npd find give them a narc high.

explaining a narc supply - masterpost - compliment generator

Personalized Praise

compliments that are personal to the person theyre directed towards

compliments that include facts or interests

compliments that are more than just the generic "i like (your appearance)"

praises about a persons skillset, created content, something they put even the slightest effort into

praises for help of any kind

complimenting something theyre good at and/or passionate about

praises for being knowledgeable about a topic

these can be very different depending on the person, some like the usual "good job im proud of you" and some prefer very high title praises like "youre a god/royal!"

Attachment / Emotional Feedback

some gain a high when they get certain reactions out of people

hate asks, love confessions

when someone has some sort of feelings towards them it helps them feel wanted and/or at the center of someones focus/attention

some prefer positive over negative feedback, some see negative feedback like hate mail as a sign they've reached popularity of some sort, some are neutral.

some narcs find people gaining an attachment to them as a supply

Break The Record

some narcs see reaching a goal as a supply

this can be reaching a new high score on a came

beating their own records

or beating other people's scores

getting ahead in a competition, even if it wasnt a competition to begin with, beating that goal they set can give them a high

Comforted

some might look for comfort media

listening to music or watching something they find comfort in

art or fanart they find comforting

comfort characters

all can help recover from a crash in a soothing way.

Perceive Me

people telling them how theyre perceived as an individual

especially if its in detail and can contain praise

knowing how one is perceived either by strangers or those theyre close with, can be someones supply

a narc supply can be anything, ranging from anonymous hate to being told someone's proud of you, to being given a little affection and even something akin to being worshiped or feared and it can be more than one of these at a time.

feel free to share any resources, tips or anything that works for you that i have not yet listed!

[epick-cluster-b-blog]

so i’ve been thinking again, and i wanna make an important reminder for my fellow cluster b folks and trauma survivors.

healing involves evaluating your current behaviors, how they may be harmful to yourself and others, and then replacing those behaviors with more constructive coping skills.

in order to do that, it’s important to approach the healing process without judgment. especially when you have a cluster b disorder or any personality disorder, it can be hard not to judge yourself as a bad person because of your maladaptive behaviors. you may see yourself as selfish, for example, because of possessive or dismissive actions.

but remember that being selfish is a survival instinct—your body and mind wants to look out for itself first, that’s totally normal. even though the results of that desire may be harmful, it’s best to acknowledge and accept that those maladaptive behaviors are a trauma response, and there is no reason to judge yourself for that.

self-love can feel nigh impossible for cluster b’s but it’s so important to our healing to at least try! i love yall and i believe in you!

[frogsforthefrogwar]

If your advocacy for truama/abuse survivors isn't inclusive of

Survivors who are not women

Survivors who developed hypersexuality

Survivors with personality disorders

Survivors with anger issues

Survivors with did/osdd

Survivors with substance abuse issues

Then maybe you should start making an effort to make it. I'm not asking anyone to shift focus to a topic they don't understand, but you dont have to become an expert in hypersexuality or personality disorders to not actively exclude or demonize them

[raincamp]

currently recovering (taking a couple shots and a five hour nap) from a wild night out (a relentless BPD episode that prevented me from sleeping)

[valcaira]

Every person with NPD deserves respect, comfort and accommodation. Yes, even "malignant narcissists". Yes, even those who are abusive. NPD stems from childhood trauma and even *those* narcissists you don't like deserve their trauma to be recognized and talked about. Narcissists with ASPD deserve to be loved and comforted. Narcissists with HPD deserve to be loved and comforted. Narcissists with BPD deserve to be loved and comforted. Narcissist with multiple cluster disorders deserve to be loved and comforted. Narcissists who are not self-aware about their narcissism deserve to be loved and comforted. You deserve kindness.

I hear you. I see you. Your trauma and pain are valid and your brain developed a way to deal with that. All I wanted is to be loved. You cannot call yourself a "mental health advocate" and not advocate for people with stigmatized disorders such as NPD. You cannot call yourself a mental health advocate and in the same breath demonize those with "evil disorders". You cannot call yourself a mental health advocate if you only support a specific set of cluster disorders. You cannot call yourself a mental health advocate if you actully believe in "narcissistic abuse" and armchair diagnose your abuser.

Narcissists are not inherently evil. We are hurt people, carrying old scars, pain and trauma just like everybody else. We deserve kindness.

To the narcissist reading this: I love you. You deserve every bit of comfort and kindness in the world. I see you and I appreciate you.

[moonlit-positivity]

Really want to iterate and reiterate until it sticks that your problems with communication stem from your parents teaching you that showing emotions and being vulnerable will get you killed.

They told you to stop crying when you were hurt.

They told you to shut up when they hurt you.

They called you stupid when you asked for help.

They dismissed you. They threw you aside. Not just once. Over and over and over until you learned how to stay silent and give them what they wanted.

They put you in constant fight/flight/freeze/fawn because they could not provide you with a safe connection.

And now as an adult we are hard wired to not only expect that as the norm, but go out of our way to reaffirm this hurtful internalization that we are always the problem.

Whereas children with healthier parents take the time to comfort and validate their children's emotions and teach them how to express themselves in a way that makes them feel safe and trusted by the adults around them.

We did not get that.

So this is your PSA to be a little kinder to yourself because you are literally fighting against a world that wouldn't even understand half the shit you've had to go through just to stand where you are today.

This is your PSA to dig a little deeper and pull those hurtful roots of exactly how your parents hurt you as a kid, how they dismissed you, how they taught you how to treat yourself when you are hurt and in need of love and connection with those around you-- and take some of that guilt off your shoulders.

This is your PSA that healthier ways of communication absolutely do exist in this world and you are absolutely worthy and capable of learning how to address the harder topics in a way that makes you feel safe and trusted with not only others around you, but with yourself as well.

And this is your PSA that none of this bullshit is your fault and you can leave that burden behind any time you feel ready to do so.

🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸

[truthful-apologiesxoxo]

Edgy 14 year olds trying not to self diagnose themselves with ASPD because they relate to the Joker

[violentviolette]

a sentiment i see a lot from anti recovery crowds that i really deeply disagree with is the notion that recovery for cluster b personality disorders is solely for the benifit of others and doesnt actually help us at all so its useless and this is just completely untrue

recovery and healing is first and foremost, always about us. it is *for* us. it is for OUR benifit, to make US feel better and make OUR lives more bearable and enjoyable. and while yea, a lot of that will also benifit the people around us, that is and should always be an afterthought and natural byproduct of the process and not that main goal. because u cant make real meaningful change solely for someone else, u have to want it and it has to benifit u because recovery is a long and difficult process that hurts and is uncomfortable and so there HAS to be actual benifits to us as payoff for that hard work to be worth it and to keep us going. thats just how human beings work. so it's okay and good for recovery to be selfish. ur allowed to want ur life to be better and easier for u! thats a good thing!

because acknowleging and confronting our trauma, being heard and seen and validated in what happened to us, being able to finally claim and have taken seriously the very real pain and suffering we went through, finding new ways to understand and cope with our feelings, finding healthier paths to better decisions that actively benifit us and lead to positive outcomes, is and should be entirely for our benifit. it is a perfectly good and healthy motivation to say "im doing this because im sick of being miserable" "im doing this because it will benifit me in the long run" "im doing this because it will make me happy" "im doing this to feel better" "im doing this for me"

recover selfishly, recover spitefully even! do it solely to make ur life easier and better and for no one else. that is genuinely always the goal and the best way to make meaningful change