#clutching my fucking pearls for real

[wonder-and-wildflowers]

Alternate Universe HS Chuuya calling Dazai "Osamu" when they were young being so important to Dazai that he wrote it down and put it in a time capsule

....is not the craziest soukoku info thats ever dropped into my lap

but it blindsighted me nonetheless.

[epiphainie]

a gay man making a daddy kink joke. fork found in kitchen.

[let-them-fight]

y’all should watch interface btw

y’all should watch Interface btw. Not Asking go watch it

[funtheysaid]

That’s got to be the best, most insane, most satisfying, MOST FASCINATING season finale I’ve ever watched in my life. Holy fuck.

[vaugarde]

about the poly discourse rn: something something people are pearl clutching about other people not following “family values” (in this context insisting that only two people can be in a relationship because otherwise you dont respect… marriage, or something?)

[here-there-were-dragons]

i have to wonder what super hardcore militant vegans think should be done about obligate carnivore animals, because in all my painfully-rapidly-approaching-30-years i've literally never actually seen anyone give a clear consistent much less halfway feasible answer on that

[yourcocksuckerr]

you know this is *insert problematic element* here, right? you know they’re *insert problematic ship’s familial relation to each other here* right?? why would you *insert something you could give less of a fuck about bc it’s fiction* when you could *blah blah milquetoast substitute here*? are you a *insert disgusting accusation of sexual criminality in real life over fictional blorbos in their fictional little situations here*?

[lovelyrotter]

fellow fictives my babes my darlings i am BEGGING YOU to stop tagging your very personal stuff with ships relating to your fictive-shape and then start talking about whether or not you ''condone'' these ships entirely purely based on your personal comfort as if youre talking about law. do what you want with your own irl body and relationships. you are not part of shipping. you are a real person. i am BEGGING YOU PERSONALLY to not partake in the crossing of these lines

[listen-to-the-inner-walrus]

.

[jointherebellion215]

Flowers

Feyd-Rautha Harkonnen x female!reader

Summary: You're living a perfectly content life on Geidi Prime with your husband. It's a shame your mind can't rest, sparked by glimpses of a life unknown. Loosely based on the song from Hadestown.

Word Count: 1.5k

TW: Dark!Feyd-Rautha, Dead Dove Do Not Eat, yandere!Feyd-Rautha, manipulation, gaslighting, like SO much gaslighting holy shit, descriptions of violence, abusive relationship, emotional abuse, isolation, tragedy, nonconsensual drug use, nonconsensual medical treatement, induced memory loss, amnesia, dubious consent, pregnancy, songfic, happy-but-not-really-happy ending, I know I said female!reader but there's virtually no pronoun usage or descriptive words in thisfor the reader besides titles so maybe GN!reader??

A/N: I'm blown away, almost 500 notes on His Kiss, the Riot? Holy shit, all of the thanks! Here it is, the final part! I'm ending it with the song that actually started this whole idea. Listening to Eva's interpretation of Eurydice singing Flowers gave me the most delicious, fucked-up bit of inspiration and this came out. I was clutching my own metaphorical pearls writing this cause damn, this gets dark. Like, way more than I thought I could write. Anyways, I hope you enjoy the end of this twisted tale. Thank you for reading! As always, I appreciate you taking the time to like, comment, and reblog.

Read Part One and Part Two

AO3

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the Dune properties, characters, or storylines-- nor do I own anything related to Hadestown. The images used in this are not my own, and any similarities to stories or events other than what are directly referenced are strictly coincidence.

Lily white and poppy red

I trembled when he laid me out

“You won’t feel a thing,” he said, “when you go down”

Nothing gonna wake you now

Drops of blood. 

A wicked, black smile.

“You won’t feel a thing.” 

You wake up with a gasp. Your doctor had warned you about dreams like this. They weren’t real, just an aftereffect of your accident.

The medical staff for House Harkonnen had been gracious enough to inform you of your predicament. When your family had recently hosted the Harkonnens, you quickly met and fell deeply in love with the na-Baron Feyd-Rautha. Your love for each other was so intense that you had demanded to get married right away. Your father disapproved of the union, so he disowned you and banished you, demanding to never see you again.

On the journey back to Geidi Prime, a stray asteroid hit the ship and caused you to hit your head. Feyd had apparently worried for your life, which saddened you and warmed your heart. It was nice to know that someone truly cared for you. However, your mind wasn’t quite the same afterwards. Your life before Geidi Prime was completely unknown to you. Your memories were in a fragile state.

That was just a few months earlier. Unfortunately, your mind has not yet recovered your memories prior to the accident. You were diligently taking a specially brewed tea that would calm your mind so it wouldn’t fracture under the immense pressure to try and fix itself. When you asked how long it would take for you to recover, your heart cracked when they said that it may take the rest of your natural life.

While it broke your heart to hear of your father’s dismissal of your feelings, you believed that you were strong enough to carry on. Having no further ties to your home world made it better to settle in with your new family.

You are a Harkonnen now.

Now, your footsteps make the quietest of echoes as you traipse down the narrow corridor. Heads of nearby servants and slaves bow, and eyes snap to the floor as you pass by. You feel the barest of sympathies, for not being allowed the simplest of human connection with their na-Baronness. But it was paradise considering the consequences should anyone ever feel bold enough to try otherwise.

Your husband wouldn’t allow that.

Dreams are sweet, until they’re not

Men are kind, until they aren’t

Flowers bloom, until they rot and fall apart

“Can I not have a single friend on this planet?!”

You burst into your shared chambers, rage rushing through your veins. All you had wanted was to have lunch and tea with one of the few female palace advisors you had taken a liking to. Maybe share a laugh or a story. Make a connection outside of your new family. That was all ruined when Feyd barged in and gutted your companion, stomach-to-throat, while she sat in her chair.

You were sure that your shoes had trailed blood down the hallway, but your mind was focused elsewhere at the moment.

“What use would you have for friends? I am right here.” He closed in on you, grasping your arms and forcing you to look in his direction. “Am I not enough for you? Do I not give you everything you should ever desire?”

His hands tighten around your wrists, making you flinch. A stray tear falls from your eyes, guilt starts to overcome your anger.

“No, not at all, husband! You have given me everything I could have wished for and more,” You wrench your hands out of his grip and grasp his face. He showered you with gifts, never let you go hungry or thirsty and this is how you repay him? “I just… I didn’t think you would want to hear me talk about certain things. I don’t mean to sound ungrateful.”

“I know you don’t, my darling.”

You take a deep breath as you feel the tension in the room start to settle.

“Your mind is already fragile from the accident… I just want to keep you safe.”

Safe. That was the key here. He takes step back and retrieves a small dagger from his belt.

Feyd holds it up, showing you the weapon. “Did you know that your friend had a blade dipped in poison strapped onto her person?”

You can feel the blood rushing from your face. No. You didn’t know.

“I-I didn’t see a knife on her. She couldn’t have-“

“She did.”

He drops the blade and leans in closer to you, forehead aligning with yours. “There are people out there who seek to harm you, who seek to harm me through you. I can never let that happen.”

You nod furiously. You couldn’t believe that you had been so stupid. 

Trust is unbelievably hard to come by in the Galactic Imperium. Your few months’ worth of memories can even attest to that. It seems that the only people you can truly rely on is family.

“I only want what’s best for you.”

You understand now.

Is anybody listening?

I open my mouth and nothing comes out

Another argument discussion had emerged from your telling of your latest dream. Your husband was convinced that you were entirely too exhausted to put any stock into what your subconscious was telling you, but you thought otherwise.

Fingers run through a patch of bright pinks, yellows, and blues—

“I swear to you, it felt so real! It was almost like a memory, like something I-,” A firm hand is placed on your shoulder as you give a slight stumble. Feyd puts a hand on your back, leading you to the edge of your bed, setting you on the bench that was placed against the footboard.

“Please, have some of your morning tea, my darling. You look a bit peaked.” You accepted the cup he gave you, settling down and taking a few sips of the warm, spiced drink. Your mind instantly calms, anxieties evaporating from your body like puffs of smoke. Never mind the memories that you had just… Floating.

Your husband is now on one knee in front of you, arms encasing your body, as his hands cup your face. He brings your eyes to meet his, seemingly searching. For what? You do not know.

“What were you saying about this dream of yours?” A pause reverberates throughout the room as your head tilts in confusion.

“My…?” You stutter, mouth opening to complete a thought that was no longer entirely there. “I can’t quite remember. What were we talking about?”

Your husband gives a smirk, analyzing your face once more before placing his hand on the dark fabric covering your swollen belly.

“Nothing of import. It seems that my heir is set on scrambling your thoughts.”

There seemed to be nothing in this world that brought more joy to Feyd-Rautha’s face than the sight of you and his unborn child. He’s more protective of you now than ever, having guards always posted near you, having you wear a shield during all public appearances. Not to mention, he was damn near insatiable in private. His hands and mouth are practically dragged away from you and your growing stomach every morning.

You give a chuckle. “I’d heard about pregnancy brain before, but never knew it to be this taxing! Perhaps I’ll take a walk later if I’m feeling up to it.”

Feyd gives your cheek a soft pat before rising to his feet, “Rest, my darling. I shall check in on the both of you later.” His hand rests next to yours, giving your belly a quick rub before he walks towards the door.

Your head goes to set on your pillow, the warmth from the tea running through your body. You must be really tired, since you fall asleep so quickly.

Quick enough to not hear the deadbolt lock clicking from the outside once the door is closed.

Flowers, I remember field of flowers

Soft beneath my heels

Walking in the sun, I remember someone

Someone by my side, turned his face to mine

The dreams start to encroach your mind while you are awake. You continue to follow your doctor’s instructions: take your daily tea, rest often, don’t overexert your body or your mind. But, ever persistent, they push through, finding parallels with your daily life to latch onto.

A hand, gently enlaced with yours, guides you through a meadow—

You husband’s hands lead you to stand with him by his uncle’s side, preparing for another ceremony.

A laugh, familiar and warm—

A chilling cackle of laughter reaches you in your viewing box, watching your husband gleefully slay another adversary in the arena.

Bright, yellow sunlight caressing your face and neck—

The black sun of Geidi Prime pulses in your periphery as you wave to a crowd below, your husband standing stoically next to you.

A kiss, given freely—

Feyd ravishes you in your chambers, lips melding together with yours.

My darling—

My love—

My darling—

My darling—

My darling—

My darling—

My darling—

“Is everything alright, my darling?”

You blink, snapping back to the present. Pale, smooth skin and blue eyes, your husband extends his hand towards you. Safe. He gives you everything. You and your child will never struggle or suffer with him. You are safe with him. Aren’t you?

Blood splatters over a patch of bright pinks, yellows, and blues—

You give a bright smile.

If you ever walk this way

Come and find me lying in the bed I made

[leclerc-s]

short n sweet

series masterlist

liked by maxjonesverstappen1, isabellaperez, penelopetrevino and others

maejonesverstappen short n' sweet is officially yours now!!!

i feel extremely lucky that each time i write a new record i learn a little bit more about myself, and can create from that place. the making of short n' sweet was one of the most special, honest, up and down, stupid and fun experiences of my life.

i thought if something was funny enough to make me laugh then maybe it belonged in a song. happy or sad!

thank you to my brilliant talented friends, writers, producers, mixers, engineers, and creative minds that helped me bring this world and these songs to life. not a serious thought was thunk yet somehow they wefre..lol i love you and am so grateful.

i will keep this short n sweet buuuut more soon. go listen now and i hope you love it

tagged: jackantonoff, amyallen, julianbulian, johntheblind, julia michaels, sharp_stick, jeff.gunnell

view all comments

maxjonesverstappen yeah fuck me i guess..it's not like i sat with you for hours on the piano while jack was on the phone...

maejonesverstappen i love you 💙 maxjonesverstappen okay 😊😊 love you too 💙

user28 MAE WREN JONES!! YOU ARE INSANE!!

isabellaperez i need someone to inject this album into my veins

maejonesverstappen you're insane actually isabellaperez pot meet kettle

user67 this is insane. someone sedate me.

charles_leclerc so this is what you meant by 'no more depresso up in this bitch'?

maejonesverstappen exactly leclerc!! charles_leclerc to be fair, we do love a good sad song maejonesverstappen yes, mr. i helped write so long, london. we are well aware

user19 oh this album has versatility. i was expecting something like espresso to be the entire album noooo.

user27 the range singers have to go from a pop happy song to a sad depressing song will never fail to amaze me user03 for real!! i could never be a singer because i don't have that in me

rhysjones i don't think max will appreciate his wife posting the 5th picture...

alex_albon this is the man who admitted he would sleep with daniel if given the chance... i don't think he cares georgerussell he's too busy talking about retirement in press conferences to care maxverstappenjones1 i'm very secure in my marriage thank you very much maejonesverstappen i however live in fear he'll dump me for daniel and runaway with him

user75 bed chem is about max verstappen.

user47 you're so right bestie. the blue eyes line gave that shit away

schecoperez it's 6 in the morning. i should not have to deal with his screaming this early...

maejonesverstappen i'm very sorry but i warned you against staying with him. maxjonesverstappen1 i would take offense but it's very true schecoperez as the children say...this is my hell

danieljonesricciardo well that's one way to celebrate your anniversary...

maejonesricciardo don't be bitter because i did it before daphne could. danieljonesricciardo my wife released an album on my birthday!! maejonesricciardo tomato tomahto!

oscarpiastri something tells me these guys didn't listen to the full album

logansargeant i know way too much about their sex life baileywinters PINK FUZZY HANDCUFFS??? landonorris SHE'S INSANE!

user54 someone needs to study mae's brain under a microscope ❤ by penelopetrevino, lewishamilton, jensonbutton and others

mickschumacher god bless his mother's genetics indeed

maejonesverstappen this is why you're my favorite mick mickschuamcher 😊

victoriaverstappen it's certainly something... great album, ignoring the songs about my brother that is.

maejonesverstappen NO! VICTORIA LOOK AWAY! arthur_leclerc bit too late for that mae...

user43 i wonder how daphne's doing...is she clutching her pearls?

user30 is she flabbergasted? user90 PUH-LEASE mrs jones-ricciardo has no room to judge. she's written worse, possibly. user43 you're so right. how could i possibly forget about dress and the moaning user30 OH MY GOD?

kellypiquet amazing album 💫

maejonesverstappen thanks? btw max isn't in this post is that why you didn't like it? maxjonesverstappen1 mae, we've talked about this. pr is not happy when you pick fights with people. user13 oh the lore here goes so deep it's insane zoyatorres dear user13 you have no idea just how deep the lore goes here.

lewis hamilton if i hear another song about max emilian jones-verstappen's dick it will be too soon.

charles leclerc and somehow I'M the one with the long name

natalia ruiz you have three middle names. you DO have a long name charlie

mark webber it's too early for lewis to be talking about dicks

max jones-verstappen you're just jealous because you've never had a song written about you lewis

isabella perez 🤓☝️ that's not true jones-bitchstappen george russell ???

isabella perez according to my research, aka a tiktok deepdive with osc at 2 am, one nicki minaj wrote "you ain't fuck nicki, you fucked nicole body" about one sir lewis hamilton

nico rosberg so that is why he ended his career as one hit wonder xnda

lewis hamilton literally fuck you nico nico rosberg you've tried pierre gasly WHAT THE FUCK? lewis hamilton STOP TELLING PEOPLE I'VE TRIED SLEEPING WITH YOU! THAT'S NOT TRUE!

alex albon HE DATED NICKI MINAJ??

lando norris WHO DATED NICKI? alex albon LEWIS!!

lewis hamilton we were friends!

daphne jones-ricciardo weeeellllll lewis hamilton daphne, don't you dare daphne jones-ricciardo i didn't do anything! lewis hamilton YOU WERE ABOUT TOO!

logan sargeant LEWIS DATED NICKI?

freya vettel this is some wild lore we're uncovering here

ollie bearman i thought he was dating shakira?

dulce perez shakira might just be old news, who the fuck knows with lewis

lewis hamilton am i not allowed to have friends now?

george russell unless you're willing to publicly announce your friendship with nico rosberg again, we'll just assume every woman you talk to is your girlfriend bailey winters at least set some realistic standards george, that's never going to happen.

nico rosberg for the record, we are friends

sebastian vettel eh, are you though? fernando alonso stay out of it homewrecker sebastian vettel mark webber ass kisser jenson button you two belong in a retirement home mark webber why am i always getting dragged into shit?

rowan todd wait, lewis dated nicki?

carlos sainz nicki who? pierre gasly nicki minaj she sings that one song about snakes mae jones-verstappen well it's an innuendo for dicks but yes pierre gasly yeah, you would know all about innuendos wouldn't you? mae jones-verstappen this is why rowan's never written a song about you

rhys jones LEWIS DATED NICKI? WHEN?

isabella perez oh back in like 2018 lewis hamilton STOP SAYING THAT! I DIDN'T DATE HER!

zoya torres awfully defensive for someone who didn't date her

jenson button oh he totally dated her

lewis hamilton YOU'RE NOT HELPING? jenson button i'm supposed to help??

daniel jones-ricciardo caught them kissing in abu dhabi

lewis hamilton STOP!

george russell he's actually screaming from his drivers room. i can hear him.

george russell update: bono just went in there an asked what was wrong and he replied with, 'they're driving me insane bono!' george russell and now kimi is asking what's wrong with him. what do i tell him?? ollie bearman nothing, let him live in delusion that all of you are super cool and not at all dumbasses max jones-verstappen who lied and told him we were cool? ollie bearman the internet

lewis hamilton i hate all of you

isabella perez can't wait to force you to do media with charles. especially those stupid song challenges just to play a nicki song lewis hamilton oh my god, what the hell did i sign up for? carlos sainz your own personal hell

esteban ocon what the fuck is happening?

mick schumacher lore dump or whatever they call it these days

maxjonesverstappen1 and maejonesverstappen posted new stories

mae said this was very cutesy, very demure, whatever that means. ps i think she did in fact kidnap one of daph's cats this guy is literally so out of it that he didn't notice that i sent him an old picture and am literally standing right in front of him. ps yes he is literally asleep. pps this not very demure of him.

liked by maxjonesverstappen1, isabellaperez, penelopetrevino and others

maejonesverstappen taste video is out now 💋

tagged: jennaortega, davemeyers, campbellrohan

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rhysjones be honest, did max flip out when he found out you were kissing jenna?

maejonesverstappen it was more of a 'do you really have to?' with a pout jennaortega it was actually a tantrum rhysjones oh i love you. please stick around to humble max jennaortega of course!

isabellaperez petition to have me star in your next music video?? i'll kiss you too

maxjonesverstappen1 back off perez, that's MY wife jennaortega he told me the same thing maxverstappen1 who invited you? jennaortega your wife did actually

user98 this music video altered my brain chemistry. i'm not even kidding

user41 you're so right for that. someone please get them to star in a movie as lesbian lovers user1 she has more chemistry with jenna then she did with barry. as if she would ever dump max for barry ❤ by maxjonesverstappen1 user52 max being a barry hater is so funny to me but you go babe.

lilymhe can i be in your next video??

maejonesverstappen of course my love 👩🏻‍❤️‍💋‍👩🏼 alex_albon i thought you two would grow out of this maejonesverstappen1 wow alex being a homophobe in 2024, what would lewis think? alex_albon I'M NOT A HOMOPHOBE! i just don't want you stealing my girlfriend lilymhe and yet carmen and i never complain when we third wheel you and george alex_albon i-

user30 the chemistry was insane

user54 RIGHT? i need to see them act as love interests in a movie soon user97 max jones-verstappen would probably die user30 he just hates to see a girlboss (jenna) winning ❤ liked by jennaortega user54 it's because he knows jenna could steal his wife if she wanted too ❤ liked by jennaortega

maxjonesverstappen1 you look great and she's there

jennaortega jealousy is a disease, hope you never get well maxjonesverstappen1 i will not lose my wife to a pipsqueak user42 max is currently in the trenches. not only is this man struggling with a fuckass red bull but he's also on the verge of losing his wife

jensonbutton as the children say, i fear this ate

fernandoalo_oficial i don't think you're using that right lewishamilton he is, you're just annoying fernandoalo_oficial to quote jenson earlier, 'you belong in a retirement home' user27 man what the fuck goes on in their group chat? nicorosberg that's a question i keep asking myself every time i open it up. user50 NICO'S IN THE GROUP CHAT?

user34 they ate and left no crumbs y'all

user40 absolutely devoured the fucking plate user62 i blame mae jones-verstappen and daphne jones-ricciardo for my high expectations of music videos now

danieljonesricciardo okay, this one was insane. i love it

maejonesverstappen thank you kind sir danieljonesricciardo of course kind lady user56 if my relationship with my in-laws isn't like theirs i don't want it.

daphnejonesricciardo you're actually insane for this one

maejonesverstappen thanks i got it from my sister 🩷 daphnejonesricciardo i hate you 🩷

nataliaruiz actually run away with me, we'll raise jules as our own

charles_leclerc what the hell did i do to deserve this? zoyatorres i don't think she needs to tell you what you did freyavettel yeah we were all there oscarpiastri i agree with whatever they say charles_leclerc all of you are banned from our house nataliaruiz no, you aren't, don't listen to a word he says.

liked by maxjonesverstappen1, charles_leclerc, rhysjones and others

maejonesverstappen serena and blair (F1 version)

tagged: nataliaruiz

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nataliaruiz i love you the way charlie loves max

maejonesverstappen which is a lot maxverstappenjones1 this is slander charles_leclerc oh so you don't love me? was that a lie? maxjonesverstappen1 oh my god, you're needier than my cats are charles_leclerc this is why you haven't won a race since spain... maxjonesverstappen1 THIS IS WHY I DON'T LOVE YOU!

user09 ferrari x red bull wags are my favorite

user42 personally i love nat and penny too but there's something special about THE lestappen wife and fiancée being besties user58 it's mae being besties with charles but natalia and max being enemies for me

nataliaruiz i might just fight someone with you over the cars

maejonesverstappen oh i am so in maxjonesverstappen1 mae, we've talked about this, you can't fight anyone charles_leclerc silvia said to take this down nataliaruiz silvia loves me, she did not say that

user57 serena and blair taking on f1 was not on my bingo card this year

rhysjones i've heard we're fighting salty spice??

redbullracing i'm sorry what? rhysjones for legal reasons this is a joke maxjonesverstappen1 i can't believe i have to deal with both of you rhysjones this is all because you chose to marry my sister

isabellaperez there are 206 bones in the human body...

oscarpiastri my sisters follow you on instagram... isabellaperez i regret nothing oscar

zoyatorres i thought we were blair and serena?

maejonesversttapen we're more like peyton and brooke zoyatorres you are so right, no man is worth it logansargeant ??? maxjonesverstappen1 YOU TOO?! zoyatorres she was mine first verstappen maxjonesverstappen1 *jones-verstappen please

user86 the matching bows!!!

user31 they're giving black swan and white swan user50 mae being the white swan has never made more sense to me

vancityreynolds i'll say this serena is much more annoying than the original

maejonesverstappen this is why hugh beat the shit out of you in your movie. vancityreynolds suck it vertically challenged!

user26 tall gf and short gf

maejonesverstappen i prefer the term snack sized maxjonesverstappen1 you're literally married to me. you're not natalia's girlfriend. maejonesverstappen never stop your husband from letting you find the love of your life victoriaverstappen oh she's so right maxjonesverstappen1 STAY OUT OF THIS VICTORIA? user26 damn men can't take a joke these days. so sensitive.. user31 it's because max is losing his wife to someone new everyday.

zoyatorres just so we're clear, i'm invited to this 'fighting of people?' there's someone at the top of my list.

maejonesverstappen of course, that's who we're getting first nataliaruiz absolutely kyle_kirwood room for one more? zoyatorres 100% percent! logansargeant please take this down. charles_leclerc please take this down. maxjonesverstappen1 i'm being told to ask for you to take this down. i actually couldn't care less but for legal purposes, please take this down. zoyatorres no ❤️ maejonesverstappen no ❤️ nataliaruiz no ❤️ kyle_kirwood i meant what i said, so no ❤️

¡taglist!

@burningcupcakefire @arkhammaid @applopie @lorarri @bb-swift @thewannabewriter @mypage-myfandoms @stopeatread @hobiismyhopeu @lilsiz @alessioayla @niniluvsainz @au-ghosttype @six-call @justtprachisblog @nichmeddar @unluckyyoshi @cool-ultra-nerd @kami10471633 @1nt3rnetgf @fernandoswarcrimes @arieltwvdtohamflash @brekkers-whore @natcha888 @camdensreg @mycenterfold @dear-fifi @georgeparisole @dan3avocado @nikfigueiredo @bella-182 @namgification @jensonsonlybutton @weekendlusting @trouble-sistar @lesliiieeeee @leclercsluv @33-81 @theseus-jpg @sarah-thatstings-ann @minmira95 @casperlikej @formulaonebuff @hopenshaw @hwalllllllelujah @doodlehunz @prongsvault @anytimeanywherebitch-blog @hopenshaw

¡leclerc-s speaks! this did not age well…but also because one person asked for this i’m posting it.

¡disclaimer! this is in no way making assumptions about the people involved in this story, this is all fake. it is a fanfiction please don't take any of what is said seriously. this is all for entertainment purposes and as a creative outlet for me. enjoy!

[frownyalfred]

Can I get clarification on your pro shipping post? The example you gave was a 20 year old with a 40 year old, and that's "problematic" (not really), but not really what I think of when I hear "pro shipping". Usually it's the shipping of minor/adult or incestuous relationships that I see getting defended. Does being against fictional works/ships that depict pedophilic or incestuous relationships as normal/romantic count as puritanism to you? Do you see the ship of Bruce Wayne/Damian Wayne as a personal preference with no moral implications?

I think there's a huge difference between being personally against something, and wanting to shame others or ban others from reading or writing something. The Puritanism comes from wanting to limit and ostracize others who don't share your beliefs. It comes from believing that your perspective is the only morally right one.

I think there will always be people who want to write or read about ships like that, yeah -- incest, pseudo-incest, everything in between. By moral implications, do you mean for the person interested in the ship? Or do you mean for others? Because I see that concern a lot on here -- this idea that somehow, by wanting to read/write about something, people are either 1) harming others by spreading this morally wrong ship or 2) harming themselves by normalizing the ship, and therefore making it more likely that they'll pursue similar relationships in their real lives.

We don't have much evidence for either of those claims. People have been clutching their pearls and wringing their hands over "morally wrong" books for ages -- and yet, Game of Thrones is still available in every bookstore. Am I a bad or woefully misguided person for having read Lolita in high school? Is a 16 year old reading a Bruce/Damian fic likely to turn around, shrug, and say "guess fucking my Dad is okay now"? Did an entire generation of fans shipping Wincest somehow have lasting, moral effects? I really don't think so. Not at the scale anti-shippers online seem to think, at least.

I think we need to separate how we moralize people from the content that they consume. And acknowledge that shaming and excluding people for wanting to read something doesn't exactly do much to prevent "moral implications." There's also a huge difference between reading a book, and endorsing the ideas/events inside of it. Same things with fics.

Anti-shipping is very appealing to people because it purports to protect people from harm. Until you look a little closer, and you realize that that protection comes at the expense of free expression, creative license, and agency to choose what we personally do and do not consume. And that that protection isn't really airtight out of your anti-shipping discord or tumblr community.

I think the best we can do is let people write and read what they want -- whatever they want, with limited warnings/etc like ao3 employs -- and ensure that those pieces of content are tagged, warned, and displayed accurately. We need to understand that the only control we have is over ourselves, and what we choose personally to consume or not consume.

I don't generally read those fics you mentioned, but I'm not saying they should be banned from ao3. Just because I might possibly think they're wrong or gross doesn't mean I think the person who wrote them is wrong or gross, either. The more we go down that moral slip and slide, like I said in my previous post, the worse off we will all become.

[brayneworms]

c'mon, baby, you're my best fix | sampo koski

kinktober day three: dry humping

word count: 2.4k

content: dry humping, gender-neutral reader, silvermane guard!reader, hatesex elements, sex as stress relief, semi-public (alleyway), reader has been drinking but isn't implied to be intoxicated, dom!reader + sub!sampo (but he's implied to be a switch), elements of sadism + masochism, degradation, coming untouched.

♪ love in a trashcan - the ravenettes.

kinktober mlist | regular mlist

The biggest fucking lie anyone had told, ever, had come out of Sampo Koski's mouth that afternoon:

C'mooon. I can be good.

You know for a fact that this is a lie, because through no will of your own you have become quite well-acquainted with Sampo Koski, and if there's one thing you're sure of is that he has a physical aversion to doing what he's told.

He had been told, for example, the following many times: Leave me alone, Koski. You're a fucking creep, Koski. Stop conveniently walking by my workplace the very minute I finish my shift, Koski. No, you can't buy me a drink, Koski.

And yet he shows up anyway, like a bad penny, like a dog someone hadn't reprimanded harshly enough and had come sniffing around looking for scraps. Maybe you're too nice, but you sort of doubt it. You think it's more likely that Sampo likes when you talk down to him, which is a whole other can of worms that you're not remotely interested in opening.

"I get the feeling you're mad at me," comes that familiar simpering voice, sliding home into the booth opposite you. Sampo slumps forwards against the table with his face squished against his open palm, grinning that ever-present crescent-moon smile. Cut-jade eyes glimmer out at you through the half-light of the tavern. They always seem to be glittering, despite the absence of any real light. "It's this nagging feeling!" he continues gleefully, even when you glare at him. "This annoying but rather persistent voice in the back of my head keeps telling me that when you tell me to leave you alone, you actually mean it!" He gives a hearty laugh, toying with his flask of ale, and peers up at you through his stupidly thick lashes. "Still, I know it can't be true, considering what happened the other night."

Stupid alcohol. Stupid Sampo. Stupid, stupid you.

One day of weakness. Being a Silvermane Guard was never exactly easy work, but most days tended to be less harrowing than the one you'd had. Every lead you'd chased had slipped through your fingers, and your shift had ended abruptly when the brother of a victim you were seeking justice for had elbowed you to the ground in frustration and spat on you. Your superior wrestled him off you and told you to clock off early.

You supposed she was being kind, but it just made you feel more useless than ever. Boiling with anger and with nowhere to put it, you stormed to the nearest tavern with the intention of drowning your sorrows. Two cups of mead in, you'd gone outside to clear your head, and there he had been, lurking around like an alley cat, sharp eyes lingering on everyone who walked past. No doubt looking for his next easy target. You clear your throat pointedly, and he spins around. Surprise quickly melts into familiar delight.

"Captain, my Captain!" he trills, slinking over as he was wont to slink everywhere.

"Not a captain," you remind him for the fortieth time. "Why are you loitering around here, Koski?"

An affronted hand to his chest, as though clutching imaginary pearls. "Oh! Did they outlaw that, too? Going to cuff me and sling me in jail, hm?"

"Don't fuckin' tempt me," you grumble, tipping your head back against the wall of the tavern. "Can you hurry up and commit a crime in front of me, or something?"

Sampo grins. "Rough day?"

"You're not helping," you snip back, slightly unfairly. He isn't really doing anything more than hanging around being irritating. He slinks closer, slinks like he always does, like it's the only way he knows how to move. Oozing around like a toxic slime, draping himself against the wall just in front of you, arm braced against the brick behind your head.

"I could, though."

His forwardness is hardly a surprise. There isn't any danger of missing his meaning in the sleepy droop of his eyes, the lazy smile curling at his lips. Sampo is an incurable flirt to each and everyone—the thing is that most of the time it's part of the con. You know a few Silvermane Guards who have fallen into his charm and his bed that cut him a lot of slack where they really, really shouldn't.

Sampo Koski has friends everywhere, and that's what makes him so dangerous.

You know this. You have done for a while, especially because he'd been trying to worm his way into your bed for about as long as you'd known him. You resent the thought of him having any sort of power over you, though. There's no denying that he's attractive, and you've often wondered if he would be able to put his money where his mouth is, for lack of a better phrase. But handing over that amount of control to someone like Koski is just incurably stupid.

Because then you're trapped. Every time he'd catch your eye afterwards, they'd glimmer, and you'd know he was remembering your moment of weakness, inviting you to remember it too. Every time his eyes would rake down your body you'd know he'd be recalling when he'd seen it devoid of clothing, sweating, trembling. Every time he'd look at you, he'd know he'd already won.

Really, there's a very simple solution. Don't let him win.

"I bet," you breathe, meeting his eyes for once. You can see them widen slightly, his lips part in surprise before he makes a recovery from this most minuscule slip of his mask.

"Ohoho?" He lets out an irritating little laugh. "Gosh. Must have been a really rough day."

"I'd prefer it to get rougher."

Sampo's mouth splits into a wide grin, one almost fanatical in nature. "I should've pegged you as the type!" he gushes. "Why would anyone be nonsensical enough to join the Silvermane Guards unless they secretly enjoyed a little pain? Between you and me, Captain, I don't mind it either."

"Why doesn't that surprise me?" you sigh. "Only a real masochist would so frequently try to get under my skin."

His lashes flutter. "I'm trying to get under much more than that, Captain."

You grab him by the front of his shirt and drag him down the alley beside the tavern. In the dusk light, the two of you slip into the shadows almost immediately, and you follow the narrow path down to the back of the tavern, where the noise of the street outside is quietened to a whisper. Sampo giggles behind you.

"What an exhibitionist you are," he says slyly. "I should've expected it from you, I guess. I guess—"

You plant two hands on his chest, shoving him back into the brick wall, and kiss him. His words flutter to a halt and he stifles a yelp of surprise against your mouth before his eyes squinch shut. His hands aren't shy, flying up to grip your waist, and you press yourself flush against him. He makes a whimpery noise into your mouth as your knee slots itself between his legs, pushing up. He runs hot, you can feel it even through his clothes, and it's a welcome immersion from the perpetual algidity of Belobog.

He grunts as he pulls away, and you take in the slightly glazed look in his eyes and the high colour in his cheeks with a tinge of gratification. "We don't have an awful lot of time," he says pseudo-apologetically. His hands fly to his belt, fingers working nimbly at the buckle. "I'm due somewhere in twenty—"

His voice stammers to a halt when your hand clamps down over his, stilling his fingers. Sampo blinks up at you, puzzled; the penny hasn't yet dropped, you suppose, even as you patiently pry his fingers away from his belt.

"What are you doing?" you ask bluntly. Sampo's lips part and he looks at you as though you're quite delusional.

"Ah... ahem?" He laughs nervously. "Is that a trick question?"

"No," you answer easily. "What are you doing?" Off his bewildered look—which you take the time to enjoy, considering how little you get to see anything but smug ostentation on his face—you shrug. "Oh, I see. That's what you thought this was? I take you into some... secluded little alley, and I get you off?"

Sampo's mouth drops open. "I—I would've—"

"Let's not delude ourselves," you interrupt, and push your knee up between his thighs again. He makes a high, shaky noise in the back of his throat, tipping his head back against the brick wall. "D'you really think you've earned that?"

"Hm?" Sampo swallows hard, the juts in his throat flexing. "I—"

"All you do is hang around bothering me," you hiss. "And you think... what, one well-timed innuendo is all it took for me to change my mind? If you want to get off, then get off." Your knee slides against him, the stiffening in his trousers, and he makes a rather pathetic noise.

"You're not serious," he gasps, cheeks flushed scarlet. His sleepy eyes are wider than you've ever seen them and trained frantically on you. "Come on, Captain, you can't mean that. W-what would you get out of it, even?" He tries for a smirk. "I promise, if you let the reliable Sampo get his hands on you, you won't regret—mmfph?"

Your fingers slip under the stupid windows flaring over his hips, gliding over the skin there. He runs so warm, and it's ridiculous considering Belobog's perpetual winter, as you curl your fingernails into the skin of the small of his back 'till it dimples and drag his hips painstakingly over the flat of your thigh.

This time, sweet as music, he doesn't talk. His mouth drops open and he lets out a shivering moan, gloved hands scrabbling on the brick wall behind him. "You really are serious," he says in disbelief even as his hips roll absently against your leg. A strained laugh escapes him as—finally—a painfully scarlet flush starts bleeding into his cheekbones. "I always knew you Silvermanes were crazy."

"Mm. Not all of them," you say quietly. "But I am. I'm pretty crazy."

Sampo shudders, one that worms its way slowly through his whole body, and then he drops his head against your shoulder. He smells nice, like smoke and mint, his hair soft as it brushes your skin. His hips move languidly against you, stuttering occasionally, unsure—until you flex the muscle of your thigh against him. A whimper breaks free, high and whiny like shattered glass.

"You're so cruel," he groans even as his body drags against your leg. You underestimated how overwhelming it would be; his breath in the hollow of your neck makes the skin there hot and clammy, and when he moans it goes right in your ear. You're certain he's exaggerating to get your resolve to weaken. Nobody actually sounds like that.

And you can feel him, hard and hot as a brand, pushing up against your leg. You shudder almost imperceptibly, because yes, yeah, you're wondering how he would feel inside you, but you can't—not tonight, you promise yourself as your teeth grit. Tonight isn't about that.

It's about winning.

"Please," Sampo grits out, turning his head so you can see slices of his moonstone eyes through the sweaty locks of hair. "I—nngh, oh—I want inside of you."

"Take it or leave it, Koski," you say, a bit too breathlessly for your liking. He shivers with a sulky noise, and the whole time, even as he talks his hips are rolling against your leg. He picks up speed as sweat starts rolling down his skin, as his hands scrabble over the brick and then fly out to grab your waist and haul you closer. His strength is ridiculous—but so is yours. You let yourself be pulled, feeling his mouth and teeth against your ear, the breathy noises spilled across your jaw.

"Oh—please, I'm close." His eyes blink up at you, wet and deceptively innocent. The look on his face is almost heartwrending. "I need you, anything—your hand, mouth, anything, I don't care, please—"

"You're going to cum in your pants against my leg like the dog you are," you spit, your hand fisting in the hair at the nape of his neck. He yelps, the flush on his cheeks darkening, eyes fluttering shut. "And you're gonna be grateful you even got that much."

Sampo moans, broken and high; his hips stutter against your leg as his hands curl into your waist so hard you're sure they'll leave bruises. But under the pleasure is a certain frustration, a sobbing sound as he cums and it sets your blood alight. You shiver with the delight of it.

The seconds that follow feel like victory.

Sampo peels away from you, stumbling back against the brick wall behind him. He's scarlet all the way down to his chest, his mouth agape and eyes wide and glittering with unshed tears as he uncomfortably adjusts his pants. They're dark and it's night, so he can probably get away with them until he gets the chance to go home and change, but the thought of him walking around in soiled underwear thrills you.

You probably are actually crazy. Sampo's annoying, but he's quite perceptive.

He clears his throat, shifts his weight from one foot to the other. "Well. Erm. That was..." He swallows. "The great Sampo really got himself in a rather sticky situation this time, didn't I?"

"Poor choice of words," you supply, and he winces, flushing harder.

He clears his throat. "Like I said, I, erm, have somewhere to be. Nice catching up, though." He puts two fingers to his temple and flicks them into the air in a mock salute. You watch as he spins lazily on his heel, rolling his shoulders as he starts his walk back down the alleyway.

"By the way," he added, pausing a few feet away. "I certainly hope that wasn't your way of trying to dissuade me." Your eyebrows raise, and he grins; his canines are sharp, and you can see them flash when his lips peel back. "Well, be serious: once you feed a starving dog, it doesn't leave you alone, does it? It comes back for more. Maybe it even follows you home."

He leaves you with that, one last lingering look and an implication that has you burning more than anything that transpired in the last ten minutes.

You get the altogether not unpleasant feeling that this will be far from the last you see of Sampo Koski.

[whatifyoulivelikethat]

cursed hours, m | jjk

pairing(s): jungkook x reader

summary: You know what your boyfriend is? That's right – horny. (Can relate.) And, you know what, you are too. Jeon Jungkook is super mega ultra hot. (Facts.) But. Even you don't fuck doing cursed hours. You try to delicately explain to your love that there are, in fact, suboptimal times to be asking for banging. (This conversation ends exactly in the way that everyone is predicting.)

warnings: rated M (18+) for language; established relationship; playful banter and shitty jokes; in which Jungkook tries to listen to your grievance but then he remembers what you look like naked and then the Calvin Klein's fly off; crack and fluff; smut (fem reader, ball torture JK is a freak, m-receiving oral, handjob, edging, penetrative sex (doggy), clitoral stimulation, m-masturbation); squabbling tbh; non-idol!BTS - short black-haired!JK with his two lip rings; the parenthesis are the reader’s inner thoughts

crackhead best laid plans / counter point / well dressed couple no need to read the others, but they’re there if you want more happy birthday, Jungkook! XD

--

It was the middle of the day.

“We need to talk.”

Your boyfriend and absolute love of your life, Jean Jungkook, vehemently shook his head and puffed his cheeks. It was quite sad to see that all of his previously bleach-blond (read: extremely fried) long waves were gone, but his current shorter black hair made him look even younger (carding territory, for real). At least he got another lip ring next to his first one. Not really to make up for anything. Just because he felt like being your forever wet dream (he was, keke).

You cocked an eyebrow. “Excuse me?”

“No talk.” He stuck his tongue out (the disrespect, hah). “Nothing good comes out of your girlfriend saying, we need to talk.”

You opened your mouth. Nothing came out (or in… yet). He had a point. He wasn’t going to like what you had to say. (Be strong!) You had to say it anyway.

“Jeon Jungkook, you can't wake me up at six in the morning with your rock-hard dick shoved against my ass cheeks and expect me to have enough brain function to cooperate.”

Big pout. The biggest pout with the biggest peepers.

“But... I'm horny.”

Irrefutable argument, surely. He was horny.

(Yeah, when are you not?)

You laid down the law with vigorous hand waving. “Two in the morning? Okay. Three? Eh, pushing it but I can sleep right after. But six? Six in the morning?! That is too much. That (that) is cursed hours. There’s no way I can go back to sleep then. Cursed. I’m not a morning person. You’re not a morning person. Why is you dick awake?”

Big shrug. (Big dick too, wait, what?) “He’s an all-day person,” he nodded sagely. “Your tits and butt are right there. What can I do?”

Your eyes twitched.

“You’re the one who wants me to sleep in panties!”

Your boyfriend shook his head primly (and childishly and one-hundred percent like a freaking annoying little shit). “No,” Jungkook clarified. Very serious. Too serious. “I want you to sleep naked. You’re the one being unreasonable.”

You gasped dramatically. “I’m not waking up with jizz all over me… again!”

“Hence the compromise! That’s why I wake you up first… and then jizz all over you!”

This conversation would be a lot more (ahem) concerning if Jungkook wasn’t grinning like a madman and you weren’t clutching your non-existent pearls in a state of fabricated shock (although you would have pearls if he jizzed all over your neck right now, eh, eh, okay, never mind), anyway, you knew damn well that Jungkook would probably stop for, mmmm, a couple weeks, then promptly forget this conversation, and inevitably wake you up way too early to hump your sleepy ass (literally).

You weren’t with him because he listened (we can see that).

“I am just saying,” you lowered your tone, still lighthearted but somewhat stern now. “If you want me to be receptive and not grumpy, six in the morning is not the time. You can rub yourself all over me if you want but it’s very unlikely that I will be in the mood. I don’t want to get mad to you. That’s why I’m telling you now.”

Jungkook firmly nodded. Ah, he understood! Finally. He raised his rigid hand against his temple in salute.

“Okay. From now on, I’ll hump you to completion instead.”

You gave him a blank stare of utter disbelief.

That playful grin with those gleaming lip rings bounced forward and tackled you onto the bed as you continued gawking at him, shell-shocked. Really? (Really, dude?) But you could tell he was apologetic, showering your neck and cheeks with kisses, saying between blossoming laughter, “Sorry, sorry, you just look so cute when you’re mad,” and you were trying to stay mad. The principle of it all. Hmph! “I’m mad!” You vocalized with a huff. Maybe if you said it, you would mean it. (You didn’t.) “Yep, you’re definitely mad, so mad…!” This idiot was repeatedly mushing your cheeks with his big palms and deliberately piling on the aegyo. You squinted your eyes into lines. “Stop messing with my cheeks!” “Don’t wanna!”

You chopped his head.

“Yah!”

Your idiot – cough, sorry, boyfriend, love of your life, darling, all that fluff stuff – made a fake dying noise but you didn’t catch on to his admission of defeat (couldn’t trust it anyway, this was Jeon Jungkook), and grabbed his wrist, pinning it down onto the bed and getting right up in his face, planting your palm his broad chest and shoving him (which did approximately nothing, you really do need to work out).

“I’m being serious here. I’m telling you something that would piss me off and you hate it when I’m mad at you so I’m warning you in advance. I’m working on myself too, but sunrise is really pushing it,” you emphasized, practically sitting in his lap now, your (his) big white t-shirt spilling over his bare thighs. Nobody wore pants in this household. Jungkook could barely keep his underwear on (foreshadowing). “I didn’t want to get mad at you this morning out of nowhere, but you’re not good at taking the hint.”

Those glittering chocolate eyes softened. “Oh. I’m sorry. I get excited…”

“And you can get excited,” you sighed, letting go of his wrist and patting the top of his head. “I only want you to be aware of how I’m feeling at that time and it’s a whole lot of why do humans have to sleep, waking up sucks ass. Not good for horny.”

Damn, these big rueful peepers were going to be the death of you. “You know me. I like being with you more than anything in the world. I don’t like being without you. Even sleeping is such a pain,” Jungkook finished with a puff.

You smacked his (very firm) chest. “I’m not telling you leave me alone. Just don’t ask me to fuck, because the answer is most likely going to be no at that time of day. Wait for me to wake up, at least!”

“But…!”

He grabbed the front of your (his) shirt and you tensed, thinking he was about to shake you, adjusting to be a bit more stable on his legs and then your shin slid to the front of his crotch and both of you abruptly fell silent (a shocking moment in this household).

“Jungkook.”

He was trying very hard not to grin but you could see it in those dark brown orbs.

“Yeah?”

He really was your favorite person. Really. He had an intense, passionate outlook on life. Tried hard at everything and made a fuss when certain things didn’t work out as he planned. Slowly learned to let things go but still picked up too many interests. Still thought he could do anything (and you believed with him, so maybe you were both the problem). Jungkook always told you he was grateful that you were so into about the things you liked (read: obsessive), because he made him feel less weird, made him feel that someone could match his energy, made him feel like he finally met his person, someone loved to live life as much as he did.

Romantic, yeah?

“Why is your dick hard?” you accused.

Your (lovable but idiot) boyfriend grinned. “Just remembering what you look like naked.”

Really romantic.

Yeah.

“Oh?”

You backed off his lap and forced his legs open.

“W-W-Wait–”

Which was how you ended up yoinking off Jungkook’s Calvin Klein's (with force and a tangle of legs and maybe a yelp if you bothered to listen), and did not take off your shirt as you got to your knees and curled your tongue around his already-hard-and-getting-harder cock. Sure, he was saying stuff (blah blah that’s not fair blah, the usual), but you cared not. Zero fucks given. Hey, if Jungkook was going to be all horny on you whenever he felt like it, you were going to give it to him whenever you felt like it too. He needed to be punished for being insufferable!

(Never mind that this has been going on for years.)

“Come on, take off your… oooh, fuck…”

(Your predictable arguments ended in predictable ways.)

You spared no expense. Tongue all over his length. Dripping saliva. Porn-star-esque, complete with the slurping it all back up and jamming the head of that throbbing cock into the back of your throat, squishing it against the pocket of saliva. Nasty. Yo, you didn’t have sex to be elegant. You had sex to watch Jungkook’s torso shudder uncontrollably and hear him whine in the middle of him yanking off his oversized black t-shirt, his head of crazy messy black hair popping out. You watched as he emerged like a just-saved, half-drowned vacationer and then his eyes rolled back like he had been knocked out, all while you bounced your head up and down, running your tongue along the base and his balls, making sure to be extra soft at the tip and caress the slit with the gentlest of kisses. Not enough to pressure to really get him off, but so much pleasure, lovingly swirling your tongue around and pressing your lips against the sensitive skin.

Then you did what any reasonable person would do (heh) and replaced your soothing mouth with your punishing grip, pumping him roughly.

“Gah!”

Your tongue circled around his balls and both slid into your mouth, sucking on them as you jacked him off. Any intelligent response was immediately annihilated by the gargling moan Jungkook choked out, falling back to his hands. Mmmm, those arms. The tension was making his muscles bulge, the dark colorful tattoos on his right arm gleaming in the bedroom light, his left just as shapely and defined. You switched between each side, sucking and licking and toying with his balls while your hand built up a furious pace, grinning as you felt his length twitch and throb. Glassy, dark brown orbs glanced down to watch, the ends of his black hair stuck to his cheeks, mouth open, pink lips glossy.

The look in those eyes.

So needy.

You delicately trapped one of his balls between your teeth and sucked hard before pulling your lips back and grinning. The reaction was immediate. The shiver visible, the hitched breath sharp, the tremble lingering at his shoulders, exasperation and desire flashing over his expression. Jungkook pleaded with you, knowing full well he didn’t want you to listen to a single word he was saying.

“N-No, please, d-don’t make me a f-freak…”

(Not sure how to tell you this, Jungkook, but you’ve been a freak since day one.)

“You like it,” you replied (with his nut in your mouth, smacking it with your tongue as you spoke). “Don’t lie to me.”

“No, I like it when you’re nice,” Jungkook stressed and he was very stressed because your hand was slowing down and that was not a good sign.

“Oh, yeah?” you taunted. Totally unnecessary but totally necessary. You let go of his cock and switched balls, squeezing the other saliva-covered one in a slippery, punishing grip that make Jungkook yelp with an edge of panic.

His cock jolted, sticking straight up.

You gave him the look of see what I see?

Jungkook sputtered, frantically waving his hand about. “N-No! It’s not what it looks like!”

(It’s not… it’s not what it looks like? What does it look like then, huh?!)

You raked your teeth over his balls and started sucking and tugging on them.

His right hand instantly flew to his dick (bombastic side-eye) and he started desperately jacking himself off as you used precise pressure and tongue to tease him. He was loudly moaning in reckless abandon, “H-Harder, yeah, like that, oooh, fuck, yes, don’t stop, don’t fucking stop” (criminally offensive side-eye), but you obeyed, gripping the inside of his thigh and ravishing his balls. You could barely see from your peripheral vision but you could certainly feel the force of Jungkook’s firm, tight grip around his stiff length.

Damn.

Your panties were also getting uncomfortably drenched.

Suddenly his hand froze up, his whole arm shaking. You glanced up. White teeth biting the left edge of his lower lip, lashes fluttering, jaw clenched. Muffled scream in his throat. The line from his neck to torso to abs to crotch to tattooed hand choking his hard cock was incredibly hot. Even hotter was how dark the head was becoming, angry purple-red and beading pearly translucent pre-cum.

“Fuck, I almost came, fuck…”

(Was that not the goal or are we missing something here?)

You spoke sloppily with his nut halfway in your mouth.

“Thought you were going to jizz all over me.”

His dark brows furrowed, gasping for breath, trembling all over. “You know I would ask you first, I’m not a big meanie,” Jungkook pouted, opening his eyes when you knocked away his hand, then his peepers popping open wide as you picked up his vicious pace with a smirk, lowering your shoulder to squeeze his balls at the same time (zero chill here). It could have been your name somewhere in that strangled moan. Could have, but it wasn’t that discernable and you were unbothered, even as his hands flew up and grabbed your (his) shirt, practically ripping it off in frustration.

“Please, ack, please…!”

You stopped.

Jungkook nearly yelled bloody murder and snatched you by the waist, lifting you far too easily. He was two beats away from suplex-ing you onto the bed if it wasn’t for the horny beating out his frustration of being edged for the second? third? whatever time. You were almost worried (not really), but everything worked out (kind of). There were always condoms on the nightstand (for reasons) and it took Jungkook record time to rip one open and slide it on before forcefully grabbing your ass (you had been trying to move away for… reasons) and dragging you back to him from a growl, flipping the bottom of your (his) shirt up.

Somehow, in the tangle of legs and arms, you had managed to slip off your panties and put them on the other nightstand so Jungkook wouldn’t rip them off your body.

(It has happened before.)

At the sight of your naked and wet pussy, Jungkook forgot how to be mad.

“Oh!”

You looked back to see a pair of shining, starry-eyed dark brown orbs.

“You really do love me.”

You blinked at him (what do you say to that?). “Y… Yeah? Woah!”

Turned out horny also beats out romance (?) and now Jungkook was balls deep and you were gasping and beating up the pillows in attempt to get your bearings because, holy fuck, he was insanely hard (scientific term). Your lower torso dropped and you both moaned in unison, satisfaction from the sudden depth, the ache perfectly fulfilled at this angle. Thrust in, push back, overwhelming rush heating up your chest and down your legs, beginning right where you both left off.

Rough, fast, and deep.

Your (and probably his) knees were really feeling it. You didn’t care. (Classic.) The fullness was unbearable and addictive and it made your walls spasm, squeezing around him as your eyelids fluttered, skin prickling hot and heartbeat leaping to your throat. The wave swelled in your chest and pooled down, amplifying the sensation of slapping hips, pitching your moan, you fucking him and him fucking you, a joint effort, the grip on your hips tightening, fuck, he was so strong, not slowing down even in the middle of your orgasm, your mind fizzling to white noise.

And then.

You suddenly realized it was weirdly silent behind you.

You tried not to snort in laughter (being nice, of course) as you realized Jungkook was whining behind his bitten lip, trying desperately not to cum in your crushing fervor. Not that you were going to let up. Absolutely not. In fact, you moaned breathily and reached back with one hand, tugging on the flapping shirt and pulling it over your head, bunching it up. Heard him gasp, but now your hair was all over your face (didn’t think that through, did you). There was no time to correct. You shoved the ball of fabric under your chin and dropped your shoulders, ramming back into his crotch with a wet smack, a vicious bolt of painful pleasure flaring up your inner thighs and spreading over your lungs, knocking the wind out of you.

“Ah, Jungkook!”

Didn’t think that through, did you?

You nearly choked on your own moan (and a mouthful of your own hair), entire body shaking from the force of orgasm bursting within, your inner walls clamping down and hips flinching, carnal pulse radiating throughout your core, breathless, lust-blindness, your ass jerking forward from another powerful thrust, and then Jungkook made a series of noises that could only be described as unholy.

(Wanton moaning, spitting swears, using various higher entities’ names in vain, things like that.)

You basically faceplanted into the t-shirt, vibrating from the high.

Down for the count.

But not out.

You reached back and wrapped your fingers around Jungkook’s balls, firmly squeezing.

He let out a quivering groan of approval, long fingers on your hips tightening, pressing his twitching cock inside you. No intention of leaving. The tension was so electric that you could feel the sparks flying up your belly (or was that your arm falling asleep from this unnatural position, who knows) and you sucked in a ragged breath, not sure what was coming over you but it was so unbelievably arousing that all you could do was smile.

Well.

You couldn’t really breathe since you were mostly face-first into the mattress.

Thankfully, Jungkook had a brain (bless) and sighed contentedly, sliding his hot (read: scorching) hands up your sides and pulling your body up. You let go of his nuts, panting, feeling him slide out, drawing in a tight breath – his skin like fiiiiiiire (don’t sing it) – relaxing as you felt his fingers fan out over your breasts.

This was nice.

He squeezed your breasts and toyed with your nipples, sending pleasing tingles all over.

“My back is getting sweaty,” you chuckled. “You’re burning up.”

“No, you’re hot.”

Whines (his) and a flop onto the bed later (you), and you ended up on your back, catching your breath while looking up at the ceiling. Ah, that was nice. You didn’t think too much about your limbs akimbo. There wasn’t any shame. After all, this was your home and this was your love. Attentive, caring, enthusiastic (about laundry and dishes and fucking especially) love of your life Jeon Jungkook who was definitely not a freak. Nope.

You felt a hand on your knee.

Then you felt your legs being dragged apart even wider.

The slapping sound of hand on dick.

Eh?

You turned your head to see Jungkook masturbating while staring at your pussy, used condom still on the bed. Oi! How was he still going? You were pretty sure he blasted out several nuts worth of cum (and the fullness of that used condom was the visible proof, oop).

“Hey. I’m still here,” you reminded him.

Heavy exhale and brief glance at your tits. “I know,” Jungkook shuddered, voice low and gravelly. “And you’re so fucking beautiful, fuck.”

“I’m not a porn video,” you joked, secretly enjoying how heatedly he was getting himself off to your sexy bits.

“You really need to make some for me,” he replied absentmindedly, reaching out to spread your pussy lips. You flexed them. They made a wet, lewd sound. Obscene. Jungkook moaned and tightened his grip, speeding up, running his finger over your exposed clit. “At least send nudes.”

“I’m physically next to you almost all the time,” you gasped. “Whachu need nudes for?”

This really wasn’t the time for a full-on conversation and soon you both forgot about it, lost in the haze of pleasure. Your eyes slid shut, arms fanned out over the bed, back arching, following that racing feeling. Basking in it. You were sure he was watching and you let him enjoy the show, spreading your legs and letting your hips be guided by his rough fingertip, clenching your jaw at the sensitivity. Almost too much was the perfect amount of pressure, rubbing over your throbbing nerves, aching tension dispersing over your muscles, nearly uncontrollable, so close to the edge, his name in a husky whisper, closer, listening to his breathing shallow, tighten, closer…

Your eyes opened, lids heavy, watching him though lashes and the haze of moans.

Jungkook was gazing back at you, up and down, lust-drunk on your body, his chest flexing, his black hair over his eyes, sweat beading along his temples, shuddering again at your eye contact.

“You… You fuck me up.”

You smiled and was about to say, you too, but then your pent-up orgasm shot up your torso and you hissed at the intensity, your hand flying down and harshly gripping his wrist. Head snapping back, spine arcing, mouth open to an airless moan, fighting to leave your lungs as the powerful continuous flinching overtook your hips, each pulse thundering against his fingertip, your juices seeping out.

Slick painted over your pussy lips clenching around nothing.

Jungkook sucked in his inhale and groaned, cupping his palm around the head of his cock. Heat and tremors and visible lust, the pleasure sinking, sinking, and you heard Jungkook whimper, looking down to see that his hand was turned, his long fingers digging into the soft dip of his balls and roughly massaging them as he came.

You watched.

Glanced up at his face.

Your boyfriend glared back.

“Don’t… say… anything…” he wheezed.

You did not listen.

(No one is surprised.)

“You’re a slutty freak, huh.”

“Oi!” he barked, yanking his hand away from you, and then his face contorted, instantly regretting vacating your pussy. You peeled open your puffy lower lips with two fingers and wiggled your tongue at him. “Hey! Stop that. I’ll–”

Faster than light (and smoother than butter), you shot off the bed as Jungkook threatened you with his cum-covered hand. “I don’t think so!” All these years with Jeon Jungkook and he still looked shocked when you knew exactly what he was thinking. “Get back here!” You did not. You ran to the bathroom instead and proceeded to fight on opposite sides of the door as he tried to get in and you tried to lock it.

“Why are you only strong at times like this?” Jungkook whined as you threw your weight into the door and locked him (and his cum hand) out. “Let me in!”

“No! Not until you wash your hand in the kitchen.”

“I promise not to wipe it on you.”

“I don’t trust you as far as I can throw you. Which is not very far.”

“You should!”

“Throw you?”

The whine on the other side pitched. “Open the door…”

You sighed. (Uh oh.) Opened the door. (Duck!) And smacked Jungkook’s wrist as he tried to wipe his dried cum onto you in a bout of maniacal laughter. (You punk!) Naked wrestling match (nice) and some neck chopping infused minutes later, you managed to shove Jungkook’s right hand under the sink faucet and blast water over it, fiercely gripping (and very much enjoying) his forearm to prevent him from being a brat.

And he was laughing, the bubbly sound drifting between you and him, laughing with his left arm around your waist and his face in the crook of your shoulder and neck, his warm breath tickling your skin, pulling your close as you vainly tried to avoid his sweat (failing spectacularly). Asshat.

He sighed, breathless and shivery, nuzzling your jaw with his (big) nose.

“I love you.”

He was a freaking annoying brat but he was your freaking annoying brat and, to be honest, you loved it.

“I love you too. If you splash water on me, I will waterboard you next time we shower together.”

Jungkook pouted and squeezed your boobs with his left hand. Now that was talent.

“Aw, how’d you know…”

You turned the water off.

“Stop playing with my tits.”

“My nutties are sore. It’s the least you can do.”

“You did that to yourself.”

“Nu uh. I’m wholesome.”

(The lie detector test determined that was a lie.)

-

in which Jungkook's dick -accidentally- slips and falls into your mouth when you're asleep (oh no) night sucker

--

masterpost

[k0droid]

would they say the n-word / are they racist: twisted wonderland edition

Inspired by twstowo's taxes headcanon post.

I meant to post this during february but i just didnt.

REMEMBER THAT IS ALL FOR SHITS N GIGGLES. IF YOU THINK YOUR POOKIE IS/IS NOT A RACIST, REBLOG OR LEAVE A COMMENT

4/2 edit: JESUS CHRIST DON'T TAKE THIS SERIOUSLY 😭😭 THESE AREN'T REAL HCS, JUST SOMETHING STUPID FOR BLACK TWST FANS TO ENJOY

GRIM: Yess that's my baby boy my son my son yes I give him the pass

RIDDLE: Couldn't waterboard the n-word outta him. Uses 'Off With Your Head' to punish anyone who uses slurs

TREY: Wouldn't. Not a racist and has no interest in saying the word.

CATER: Researches what's offensive to certain groups so he can stay respectful, no n-word from him

ACE: ace is literally that one white friend who thinks his n-word 'jokes' are funny (they're not) and he walks around with Riddle's collar because of that. He def went to a middle school named after a Confederate, but he's not racist for the most part "I play basketball so-" or "I'm gonna say the n-word: ninja!!" - 🥸

DEUCE: No. He's a good guy. He would never and if he said something remotely offensive, he'd apologize with tears

LEONA: YESS BLACK KING 🗣🔥🔥‼‼‼‼

JACK: Could and he does, but only occasionally. Punches the shit outta Ace's shoulder if he says something distasteful

RUGGIE: YES he just light-skinnted 😕 Ace would make fun of him for eating all the stereotypical foods

AZUL: Slightly racist. Just slightly. Seems like the type to get a lil tense when a tanned, well-built dude walks into the Monstro Lounge. starts clutching his pearls n shit

JADE: No, I don't really see him being racist or saying the n-word

FLOYD: Probably the least likely to say the n-word and would get offended that you even assumed. Like his entire mood would change if you mention it "Ehh Shrimpy? You tryna get squeezed? What made you think I would say that??" *fucking kills you*

KALIM: No, no n-word from Al-Asim. I could see him as a racist though. i think of kalim as purposely ignorant so in my mind, he's INTENTIONAL with his microaggressions but no one really calls him out on it.

JAMIL: Yes but only cuz I give him the pass.

VIL: Doesn't say the n-word (he knows better) but probably screams it in his thoughts. idk guys vil just seems a bit racist.

ROOK: Who's in Paris. LOL but I don't think he'd say the n-word. Also probably one of the least racist here. But he'd bring up eugenics in a convo and ruin the mood completely.

EPEL: I genuinely don't know if he would or not. Like because he from some rural area (to my knowledge, i js started book 5), i feel like he wouldn't because he'd know better. but i also heard that epel is misogynistic and hating black people & hating women go hand in hand (misogynoir)

IDIA: No but it wouldn't be surprising. i can already imagine him in that cod lobby. probably gets his slurs from cater

ORTHO: No my sweet child would not say the n-word. would blast idia out of this world with a charged beam if he said anything offensive

MALLEUS: No.

LILIA: Probably has said it before and is the most educated when it comes to black culture in the diasomnia group other than sebek (my 4c king)

SEBEK: No, in fact i might give him the pass (#mixedking😍❤️)

SILVER: No but probably a little colorist. yk how some black men love to scream from the mountain tops that they love white women? well silver is that white woman. js saying

this was fun to make. pls remember that its just a silly post, dont get mad because only hit dogs will holler.

"what abt the staff/yuus/extras-" send an ask :3

4/2 edit: its crazy cuz the only mad people are white🧍🏾‍♀️

[pepperf]

There are so many things to be annoyed about the TUA s4 debacle, and I am exploring every one of them. This is not a particularly joyful thing for me, I don't run on spite, but I guess I just need to work my way through this.

TODAY'S ANNOYANCE! Read at your own peril! Dead dove, do not enter, I'm venting about both fandom's and Five's attitudes towards Lila.

I remember how much vitriol and pearl-clutching there was about Lila after season 2. Fandom at large HATED her: she was manipulative, she lied, she drugged Diego, she tried to kill them all, blah blah blah, god it was like people had never watched TV before.

This shifted to a somewhat grudging acceptance after season 3, "Well she's going to be a mum so maybe her claws have been clipped - but OH NO SHE'S STILL MANIPULATIVE, SHE PUNCHES FIVE AND FAKE-DRINKS AND EATS SUSHI?!" (If it's bad for babies, apparently someone forgot to inform the entire nation of Japan).

But now - now that Five "loves"* her, now she's been portrayed as a saccharine shadow of her glorious self, a living mannequin for your favourite blorbo to fuck - NOW you like her? Go fuck yourselves.

If you can't handle Lila at her most chaotic and weird and destructive and terrible, you don't deserve her. Let's be real, it's not about Lila at all. It's not about the character we've seen for the past two seasons. You don't want that Lila, you want some kind of Stepford wife to make Five happy. Which, hey, was apparently what he wanted, too!

For the record, and to stave off some of the flames I may be provoking, I think this version of Five is equally bullshit and feels like they twisted the character to fit the plot they wanted, rather than following what he'd been like previously. I mean, I do think he has control issues, he's forever telling people what to do, but he's not, in general, an emotionally-stunted manchild, and he's definitely better than this.

*Tell me, gentle readers, is it true love to lie to someone for six months about something that you know is vitally important to them, and then claim you know what's best for them, and then fucking sulk about it when they turn you down, or is that being an emotionally-stunted manchild with control issues? And some people think that is the height of romance! Are you on crack? Are you in a cult? Knock three times if you need help!