#don't judge me i am introvert

[halfpintkay]

Tell me, why is it that people who prefer to stay at home and just keep to themselves get judge for not doing much over the weekend? (of course not much is pretty much my response to people who ask and I don’t care to give really any details about my weekend to...I could probably spend the weekend out state and I’d still be like “Not much” when asked about my weekend except for a few people)   Seriously I always get judge for preferring to staying in and reading a book, playing a video game, or watching a TV series over going out  and being bored where nobody talks to me even if I’m just sitting there staring into space ( I get judge for all my interests by my own family anyway soo...)....It also helps that this past weekend my dog was recovering from being neutered so I wasn’t really in the mood to go out and stay out for hours upon hours...most I did was go to Lowe’s and take advantage of their Memorial Day sale and bought two ceiling fans for my apartment and that’s about all I did this weekend beside rewatch Stranger Things (watch the first three seasons in this whole weekend so now working on season four) and you know what it was fantastic. 

[sayitdido]

♡♡bf!txt and things you can do for them♡♡

synopsis: small or big things/gestures to show your love for them or things they would love in their partner and their reaction based on my observations and astrology /seperate

genre: pure fluff and nothing else i swear

wanings: delulu headcanons, might come across cringe to some, is fluff a warning? imo it is! fight me about it if you want, kissing?

i love my tubatu boys so much, i want to cry~

let him what he needs to do show love

i think yeonjun would get very upset if you were to say stuff like how overwhelmed you are with his gifts since you can't do the same for him or judge him for wanting to show pda

so he is most likely to settle for bare minimum in this case. he has high standarts in everything else but this one in particular restricts him and his love for you. so just let him love you however he wants~

listen to his advices

he no means to control you but let's just say you made changes in your style just because yeonjun suggested you to do that particular thing, he would be so happy. this may include lots of variations of advice but like i said not in a controlling way.

wear matching clothes/accessories with him

not cringe ones like "his/hers" or "look at my bf/gf" but like waering the same necklace he bought for you or same themed clothes that do not necessarily scream couple clothes.

tumbling down his walls

i don't think yeonjun likes showing weakness. i have similar placements with him, i would know. so when you be the person he can truly feel comfortable around to show his real self, he is considering you love of his life.

encourage him in what he does

although this may apply to everything he is passionate about, his job in particular is where he needs you to be hyping him up. call him "4th gen it boy" or compliment his lyricism and him being all rounder. yeah almost everyone does that but he also needs you to do that, too.

let him take care of you

soobin has this great parental energy that traditionally falls under father figure roles. what i mean is for example if you have a problem you are facing, just let him be the one who helps you solve it. i am not saying he wants to be your savior but he cares so much and this is his way of showing.

cook/bake together

soobin likes to cook/bake even though he is not the best at it. he tries. but he loves to cook/bake with you. especially if you are excellent cook. he feels like this is your love project together and also a fun activity on top of it. what's not the like?

be his equal

i don't think soobin would enjoy an obvious power imbalance in a relationship. of course there is some places he is better or worse than you but they balance each other out. and i mean this also in a way that no one in the relationship should hold the power, it would make him so uncomfortable.

get along with his friens

he is the introvert that has lots of friends for an unexplained and mysterious reason but he loves them and you so you getting along with them genuinely makes him happy. just like the one of the biggest hit there is: spice girls - wannabe. lyrics are just so soobin.

enjoy the things he enjoys

you get a joke he made and laugh at it, he is happy. you like the date idea he suggested and excited to do it, he is happy. you watch him play video games with his friends, he is happy.

basically he is happy to be understood and seen. many more examples can be given

not be boring

always stimulate his brain. play hard to get. (not too much tho) be cool in general. get his jokes. at least try to enjoy things he loves.

may seem a lot but he doesn't like the idea of being bored in general. (this i can relate) but it heavily influences his love life the most.

listen to his worries

beomgyu is also a human being. he needs nurtiring just like everyone else. no matter how small the problem is, show that you care. and also beomgyu deserves it. most people deserve this but beomgyu deserves it more than the rest.

be his star crossed lover

he wants to believe that it is more than his and your choice. he wants to believe that some powerful being or universe wants you to be together. call it soulmates, call it twinflame. doesn't matter. just be his true love.

validate him

he doesn't nor necessarily seek for validation from others,he does but not in the unhealthy way, but his s/o is a different story. so when you are proud of him, he is proud of himself. don't make him feel untalented or stupid or useless or someone who is trying or some- one who is not really nice.

open up to him

he feels uneasy with someone who doesn't share. it feels like you don't trust him. he talks about his problems, right? so why don't you. like i genuinely think he wants you to trauma dump. he wants to learn why you are the way you are.

be different

he doesn't want to commit to someone who is just like everyone else you can find on the street. maybe it is your style, maybe it is your personality, maybe it is your taste, maybe it is your dislike of pop culture... but don't be a poser and don't make this all of your personality.

take care of him when he is sick

idk why but i think tyun would show his vulnerability to his s/o but would also make sure that he has borders. but it changes when he is sick. he is a baby, okay? so take care of him!!!!!! (he lowkey likes the motherly/parental vibe you are giving, too)

let him take control

i am talking about your relationship. he likes independent people who take care of themselves but he would prefer leading the relationship. not in the toxic way i swear, he asks for your opinion of course.

kiss him a lot

some of you guys may know my taehyun the expert french kisser theory... and if you don't, here it is again. he is a expert french kisser. loves kissing so much. doesn't need to be mouth to mouth action. just kiss him or let him kiss you.

work out with him

i know some people make working out tyun's whole personality but i mean this in a way that be a part of his routine and also take care of yourself. two birds one stone, you know. he likes this activity so even you watching him do it is enough sometimes.

get along with his members and family

we all know hyuka doesn't let anyone to be in his life. he has his members and family. so if you are blessed enough to be in it, you should get along with them. he also values family so much. he seems to have very healthy relationships with his family and members so it is unavoidable that he wants his s/o to be part of it.

be a geek with him

i don't think hyuka is geek btw but he would love it when you play mario kart with him or watch batman the animated series with him. you know traditionally geeky stuff. also make commentary and jokes while engaging with the media. and react his commentary and jokes, too.

be nostalgic with him

this is why i think he would want someone his age or close to his age or older than him since they can experience his childhood memerioes. kinda related to the one above but if you enjoy the things he enjoyed when he was younger, that would make him happy.

cook for him

he would really appreciate this one. may want to help but the thoughtfulness of you makes his heart flutter. definitely loves your cooking even if you are not the best. also he may want to try different foods so when you cook something he wanted to try, he is in love. the experience is definitely better than a fancy restaurant.

beautify yourself

i am not saying fit in the beauty standart. i am saying be fashionable and confident. like if he likes your aesthetic, you are beautiful to him. so try to have your own style and aesthetic. if you put an effort, he would also put an effort. he likes to adorn himself for his s/o and expects you to do same.

a/n: i had this on my notes for so long. i am just glad that i finally got to share. i also tried to do moodboards. though i think i failed a little, it was fun to do it.

[noaltbruh]

@multifandom-hcs Hope you're having a good day too! :))

Bruno and Hermes dating hcs ❤️

Hermes ���

Chaotic gf. I don't know if you're an introvert or an extrovert, but she will most definitely be more hyped than you for anything.

Loves to try new things with you and go on all sorts of date! From carnivals, to road trips, to that one random place you saw and you're not quite sure if it's a restaurant or a sex shop, but you'll find out together!

Wakes you up at three am. because she just got an idea for what you could do together and you have to do it NOW.

Big on PDA, she's constantly touching you or holding you near her even when you're in public, HECK ESPECIALLY when you're in public.

Loves to show you off to the Stone Ocean gang and can't shut up about how great her partner is.

Definetely teases you and gets even mushier with you if she sees you getting shy.

She'll speak up and stand up for you in any situation, whether that is a stand battle or someone cut in line in front of you.

Always has the biggest grin on her face as soon as she sees you.

Loves to drag you in troubles, but she honestly just wants to have fun with you. Don't worry, if things get out of hand, she knows how to handle policemen.

I think her kisses would be a bit rough, like you can just feel how eager she is to feel her lips on your body.

Is literally always complimenting you and your look, calling you hot, beautiful, handsome, pretty...Whatever you prefer!

"Breath taking as usual, caro/cara!" "I'm...Literally in my pajamas" "Your point?"

Shoplifts for you, I'm sorry. Like- maybe you just saw a cool jewel in a shop and told her you liked it, without really thinking much about it. The next day, you find that exact jewel at your front door.

Opens up about her past and how much she misses her sister, it's one of the few times she genuinely seems sorrowful.

Would love you even more if you accepted to visit her sibling's grave with her. She might cry on your shoulder, so please comfort her.

On a more optimistic note, if she visits her on his own, she even talks to her and you and how awesome you are.

She lets you keep your stuff in her tits without even having to ask her, it's just routine for you two by now.

Loves to do your makeup. Alternatively, if you don't wear it, she still asks you if she can try it on you because she's fully convinced you'd look great with it.

VERY flirty and completely shameless about it, no matter who is watching.

Can't cook lol, but she will gladly take you to any restaurant you like and she'll offer to pay for both of you!

...Yeah, pay.

Bruno 🤐

The boyfriend ever.

He's so romantic and gentle he literally makes me want to cry because he's so perfect and VSGABCAHZCSS.

Just being near him makes you feel safe, you'll never have to fear being judged as long as this man is your partner.

He's calm and understanding. No matter if something is troubling you or you're simply in a bad mood just because, he'll never lose his patience with you.

Encourages you in everything you do, whether that is a small task or a lifelong goal you're trying to pursue, Bruno will always be ready to support you and help you in any way possible.

Might be a bit busy from time to time due to his job, but he makes you to call and text you anytime he gets the chance too. He loves hearing your voice and he wants to be sure that you're doing alright.

He never closes a phone call without an "I love you, tesoro" at the end.

Will make up for the time he missed once he gets back home. He'll do whatever you want to and there aren't limits to how much he's willing to spend for his love.

Do you want to go on a trip to France for the weekend? He already has two tickets and a reservation in the best hotel of the city.

Remember that very fancy restaurant in the city center? Guess who has already reserved a table for two with a beatutil view on the entire city?

Truthfully, however, Bruno enjoys anything as long as he gets to spend it with you. Despite his role in the mafia, he also loves simpler, everyday life with his partner.

Even just going to the local market to buy something together makes him so incredibly happy, and gives him a sense of normality in the mess that's his life.

Not super big on showing affection in public, at least not as much as Mista or Narancia- but he always maintains even a small touch between you.

He loves to hold your hand as you walk, lets you hold on to his arm, or he wraps his arm around your waist.

Way more touchy and flirty in private. Bruno is smooth and knows excabtly where to provoke you or what to tell you to make you blush.

He puts his hand under your chin or on your cheek if you were to look away from him. You can see his proud, little smirk on his face.

The best cook in the gang, male wife material. His fish dishes are the best you'll ever try in your entire life.

Speaking of that, he'd love to go fishing with you. It reminds him of the time he spent with his father and sees it as a way to continue his family traditions. After all, you are his future wife/husband.

He has the kindest look on his face while explaining to you how to fish and it makes me want to explode.

He loves to massage your shoulders, for some reason. Maybe because it helps you relax, but it just feels very intimate to him.

He rubs your back and kisses you on the forehead whenever he hugs you. His embrace is warm and you wish you never had to let go.

Gives you flowers or any sort of gifts on the most random occasions. Don't worry, buddy, you didn't forget and important date, he's just a sweetheart and wanted to give you a present to make you smile.

Also, since you're dating him, you'll now have to take care of five children, aka the gang. I'm sorry, but you did this to yourself the moment you became his partner.

Don't worry, Abbacchio will help you... Perhaps.

On a more serious note, Bruno would love to have a family with you in the future. This man is MADE to raise children, adopted or not, anything is fine for him.

He thinks you'd be a great parent, but of course, if you don't want to be, he'll never force it on you :)

[tiyoin]

Taking a step back from twisted singer reader (I'll be back). I really want to expand/give origins ideas to the group chat(s?). Like how reader got the phone, how they got added and other things. Btw love who added that

With that said I'm starting a new agenda: ✨Grandfather Mozus Trein :D✨ Everyone knows that Crowley is *cough* neglectful & irresponsible *cough* always there for his students and never once put himself first 🤠. I feel like reader low-key reminds Trein of Anastasia (red hair) ya know? Maybe it's how reader plays with their hair when they start getting bored or the doodles on the written exams. All these little habits they share. Just an old man missing his family.

Someone has to be a responsible adult for reader and who else is better then a father with so much wisdom. He knows Yuu has a way of communicating and protecting himself so he isn't as concerned ,but poor reader can't do that to save their life :(

So I can see Trein giving them(mostly reader) a phone (B4 book 4). It's nothing new or special; it has an old blue case with a fading pattern and skuffs. The best part about it is Trein paying the bill. The wallpaper is changed to Grimm napping tho

It's kinda an unspoken rule that reader keeps it for the most part. With Yuu and all the things he tends to get into it would last a week if he was lucky.

More then likely the only numbers in the phone are Aduce/ maybe the other first years and Trein ,but I don't really see any of them be texters tbh. So not much coming in. Maybe a few homework questions??

As for apps a see maybe 2-ish games 👁️👄➖

Over all, it's just a classic antisocial person's phone. Until Cater finds out. Next time Yuu has the phone Carter tells him what should be added and how to #sign up for them. And Yuu being the person he is asks "Cater how do I help my introvert make friends?" Cater being the #helpful upperclassmen is he downloads the app and sends the invite.

The app they use is probably the twst discord. I think that's the only social idia has/honestly uses Some of them has like a cover for the icon. Like no one can know they use that app for whatever reason.

Everyone besides reader kinda knows what account belongs to which person. To add a bit of anonymous(ness?). Cuz no way would reader give her honest opinion about Rook or someone else if she knew that they themselves/close friends are in the chat.

Imagine if one of the guys that reader doesn't get along with ends up being one of reader's close/safe online friend. Like idk if you know who Aphmau is but she has a Minecraft roleplay PDH (don't judge me plss) where Aph and Aaron don't like each other irl but are really close online friends.

I'm sorry if my asks tend to be all over the place. I get sided tracked a lot and end up spacing out every 10 works. This was written between 3-5ish am. Also 👉👈 I think the reason we're on the same brain wave is cuz we're air signs.

Also thank you for liking/replying to my ask/yapping ☺️ it's means a lot to me

I've been waiting to get a Mac charger just to answer this ask🤭

GRANDFATHER TREIN IS SOMETHING I DID NOT KNOW I NEEDED BUT GLAD I GOT

because we always see crewel v crowley for custody over yuu.

but I defiantly agree with you that trein would see one of his daughters; especially anastasia in reader. whether it's by a few habits they both share, or how they're sometimes second fiddle to their more out going companion. but trein can see reader's life falling into shambles the more they're in twisted wonderland, the more they're isolated, and it kills him as both a father and educator.

and believe it or not, he cares about his students. they may not think so and curse him in the hallways, but they'll be thanking him in years to come, they always do (he prides himself in that, and the line of students he has at reunions telling him they're the best teacher they ever had.)

so maybe he pulls reader aside after class, ofc he can tell how tense they are, how nervous they are... especially by how intense their eye contact is, a little creepy but trein understands. he tells them to sit down in a chair he magically spawned as he flicks his head at lucien. who is all too glad to use you as a chair. he can see reader visibly relax as they're testing the water's with the temperamental feline, but trein starts talking.

he wants to help them, as he wouldn't be doing his job as an educator if he just stood by and watched you struggle. how he would have failed the pledge he made to crowley and himself if he let one os his students fall under the radar in favor for his smarter ones.

yes that should sting but it's the truth, and to no fault of your own. you obviously had... less than stupor teaching before this, and you have to catch up on a decades worth of stuff due to your... situation. and he is willing to help you during both lunch hours and free period. he also recommends student tutors for this and is willing to work out some kind of deal between you and the tutors. he wants to see you succeed. not just to prove he can turn a pumpkin into a carriage, but because you deserve it.

maybe you're not so much like his biological daughter, but like his step daughter. the one with a soul of diamond but a heart of glass. and if reader ever needs someone trustworthy (and he emphasizes this) that isn't actively split-dying their hair in their thirties or prances around with a bird mask then he is always open.

no matter how burdenous they feel relying on him, or if they think the matters are silly. he will tell it to them straight. he also suggests talking to cater diamond of heartslabyul, that if anyone can help you make friends, its that chatterbox.

dont even try to refute it cause trein AND lucien will be sporting you an unimpressed look.

but I swear to everything cater has a fucking NOSE- a sniffer if you would for introverts. or he has mastered chenya's invisibility spell and over heard your conversation because- I AGREE WITH YOU- yuu would 100% ask cater to help his little ol' introvert make friends.

so he seeks them out, grabs their phone while chatting away, and downloads 'magi cord' dw yuu is there too. cater even goes a step further and adds his contact to their phone because 'tehe he has the elusive reader's number and no body else does! #1inamillion #hewon! #he'sgonnaextrovertsohardit'llmakeyourheadspin 😼

but later that night you're fighting to go on the app when cater sends you a link, the second message he sends you (with 'hey hey! it's your fav upper classmen cay-cay here!' with an obnoxious amount of emojis, being the first)

it's a link to a magi cord group chat called; raven of secrets. (or smthn idk, I pulled that out of my ass) and he explains that the whole point of that group chat is to remain anonymous. there's a handful of members from different dorms and that's all you're supposed to know.

they talk about gossip, homework, assignments etc. the more he talks about it the more it sounds like a secret society. but nonetheless, you join.

and all hell breaks loose 🤭

personally I think that only a few people know who is who in the chat group. like the organizer because they gotta make sure everyone who has the link is an nrc student. and obviously there's a few friends who gave other people the link or joined together. but there's also active polls where people debate who is who.

just so it gives them the extra comfort of anonymity.

IMAGINE SOME ADMITS TO STALKING POOR READER AND IT TURNS INTO A THRILLER AHHHH (everyone knows who rook is. not because of his French, but because of his detailed posts)

--

NO CAUSE I WAS ALSO AN APHMAU FAN HAHAHAH I used to eat her role plays up. but watching them now... they're super cringe and I can barely watch an episode of phoenix drop high 😭

and dont even worry about it 'being all over the place because I am literally like that and it's so fun being able to bounce all over the place hehe

AND YAY ANOTHER AIR SIGN😽

[dontmakemeright]

Hi angel 🖤

My name's Kodak, 22 years old, living in Germany. I'm a trans and masc presenting man (ftm, on t, post top surgery, no bottom surgery planned); mostly (but not exclusively!) gay and a soft dom/top.

You can call me Sir or Daddy if you like - I do. I'm not a Master. I like to use sweet names for you; if you don't like that, tell me.

I like having a connection with the sub I tend to ruin, so don't be shy to talk to me, tell me about you, your fantasies, your needs. I have a lot of kinks and won't judge anyone for one of theirs. I want you to feel safe, so you can be vulnerable and let yourself fall.

I'm a full-time worker, rather introverted, suffer from major depression and am really busy most of the time. So if I'm not answering right away, just be patient with me. I won't forget or ignore you on purpose. You can always leave another message so I know you're still interested!

If you can't respect that or/and can't understand the difficulties different time zones could bring, please don't contact me. I can't and won't provide what you're looking for then.

If you talk to me about my body parts, those are the words I use: chest, pecs, nipples, pussy, boypussy, clit, tdick/tcock, cock/dick. When I talk about my cock/dick I pretend - I use a strap but won't refer to it like this and ask you to do the same. My pronouns are he/him only.

My own posts are tagged as #kodakpost.

Anons used: 🎀,🌾,🦋,🌃,💝,🐾,G,☁️,🦦,🍄,🐑,🍰,🐺⭐,❄,🌻,🌟,🐳,💭,🪽,🦷,🦴,🐍,🦇,🌘,💗,🍨,🍷,🦕,🍇,🐀,🩻,🐈‍⬛,💌,🍓,🪲

Now be a good pet and tell me what's going on inside that pretty head of yours 🖤

[zeroeightzeroone]

I’m absolutely in love with your writing you write so beautifully omggg<33

I wanted to request something fluffy for Han, where as we know he’s introverted and doesn’t get close to new people, but when it comes to you he’s so comfortable and talkative and affectionate and the members tease him about it and they found out he has a crush on you.

crush - han jisung

genre: fluff

pairings: nonidol!han jisung x genderneutral!reader

notes: i'm so sorry your request took so long 😭😭 you sent it in the first half of the year, and it's the second half, and i just finished it

wc 2.8k| moodboard

｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆ˏˋ°•*⁀➷ ｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆ˏˋ°•*⁀➷ ｡ ｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:

"what are we looking at?" changbin asks loudly when walking into the kitchen where hyunjin and seungmin have been pretending to refill their drinks.

hyunjin shushes changbin quickly and gestures for him to stand beside seungmin, "don't blow our cover." hyunjin whispers through gritted teeth.

"okay?" changbin whispers, "now tell me what we're looking at."

"over there," seungmin cocks his head in the direction of the living area. changbin tries to be subtle as he scans the living room area.

the two couches pressed against the wall are occupied by the handful of friends invited for a belated celebration of changbin's birthday. the larger couch facing the window is occupied by chan, his girlfriend, minho and jeongin who are discussing who knows what as they periodically sip on their drinks or lean over, reaching to grab a handful of popcorn or chips from the bowls on the coffee table. the couch facing the television set is occupied by felix on one end, jisung on the other and a childhood friend of felix's in the middle, y/n.

"what am i looking at?" changbin blinks.

"jisung," hyunjin mouths.

the older boy nods in understanding and diverts his eyes back to jisung sitting on the couch, trying to pinpoint what seungmin and hyunjin are so enticed with that they've been watching from afar. much like the friends on the neighbouring couch, changbin has no clue what discussion is going on between you, jisung and felix. however, judging by the looks on your faces, it's a lighthearted conversation.

"what–oh?"

with belated realization, changbin narrows his eyes in focus on the scene in front of him.

the couch they're occupying has more than enough space to accommodate the three of them, allowing for an equal amount of space for each. with that being said, you and jisung are practically sharing one-third of the couch. you're turned towards felix as you talk, but you're almost leaning back on jisung seated behind you.

when hyunjin first noticed the close proximity between you two, he surveyed jisung's reaction, looking for a hint of awkwardness, discomfort or a split second of him trying to scoot away to make more space between you two as you haven't known each other for long. its been around four months, give or take.

still, hyunjin didn't identify any of those signs in his friend.

neither did seungmin or changbin.

neither did felix who sat on the opposite end of the couch from jisung, a glint of amusement in his eyes at the sight of the scene in front of him.

for as long as they'd been friends with the shaggy-haired blonde, they knew and were very familiar with how reserved and closed off the man could be around new people due to his shy and introverted personality. as a result of his nature, it would take an ample amount of time to build a close relationship with him and for him to feel comfortable enough around someone new, let alone engage in physical contact or interactions with them.

it's very different from what they're seeing right now in front of them, namely, jisung's demeanour toward someone he met for the first time four months ago.

he practically has his arm around your shoulders, propped up on the couch cushions behind you; one move and his arm would be resting on your shoulders and wrapped around you. due to your proximity to the man, if his arm was down at his side, your arm would brush up against him the way your thigh does against his once in a while.

it's a sight for them to behold as they have never seen jisung be this close with someone new so soon.

"interesting," changbin muses, turning back to the counter to pour himself the drink he initially came into the kitchen to get.

"i've never seen him like this," hyunjin mutters, receiving hushed words of agreement from the other two.

"neither have i."

seungmin looks between hyunjin and changbin who glances back over to you and jisung on the couch. the older boy's face contorted in surprise at the sight of you gently hitting your hand against Jisung's thigh during the conversation.

seungmin is the first to snap everyone back into reality, "ok, but we can't stay here and spy on them all night; let's get back out there." the two older ones in the kitchen sigh in a sulking manner, turning to walk out of the kitchen, but they stop in their tracks when seungmin reminds them quietly; "don't make it obvious out there either."

…

it took a little over a week for everyone else to notice the way jisung acted around you.

minho had come back to the flat he lives in with jisung to find you two on the couch sharing a blanket, the lights turned down, cans of soda on the coffee table, a bowl of popcorn on the boy's lap and the television nearing the end of 'spirited away.' his arrival home caught both yours and jisung's attention, the movie then being paused long enough to exchange greetings and small talk between you three.

minho listened to you recount a conversation with jisung a month ago, where you expressed your desire to have a studio ghibli marathon. even though you had watched most, if not all, of the movies once before, you still thought it would be a good time. that's how you ended up at jisung's while minho was at work and running errands, sitting on the couch and going through the studio ghibli movies in order of release.

jisung, chan and changbin were occasional gym buddies, the three of them hitting the gym together when their schedules worked out that way. chan was in the car with changbin when he dialled up the younger one's number–changbin was supposed to work that day but graciously switched shifts with a coworker who had a last-minute schedule change. in contrast, chan's day ended earlier due to staff efficiency transitioning from overnight to day shifts; meanwhile, as far as they were concerned, jisung had told them a couple days ago he had a day off today. it took two calls before the younger one picked up, but he couldn't join them at the gym since he had joined your trek to the hiking trail an hour or so outside the city that had been gaining traction on social media lately.

when jisung arrived home later in the evening, changbin and chan were sitting in the living room with minho, letting the television play a random show in the background. at the same time, they talked about stupid coworkers and other mind-numbingly stupid experiences they've experienced in their jobs. it was then they learned that he wasn't initially supposed to come with you, but you had mentioned the friend who was planning to come hiking with you backed out last minute in passing while you were on the phone with jisung the night before–despite your friend backing out you still wanted to go.

you reasoned with jisung, who expressed his worry for your safety that night, saying that there would definitely be more people on the trail since it had been growing popular and that he shouldn't worry because you technically wouldn't be alone on the trail. regardless of your reasons, it made jisung's stomach turn terribly at the thought of you hiking alone surrounded by strangers, so it was arranged the night before that he would be joining you.

there was another day when you were supposed to have a picnic with felix, seungmin and jeongin only for the four of you to get caught up in a rain storm without an umbrella. thankfully, you all decided to hang out in a park near their flat so you didn't get caught up in the rain for too long, but just long enough that your clothes were uncomfortably stuck to your skin. when you arrived at their flat, jeongin offered you a dry set of clothes as he didn't want you to be sitting around in your rain soaked clothes while the rest of them could change into a dry set. you agreed, and he offered you his room to change, letting you know that you could leave your wet clothes on the floor so he could toss them into the washer and dryer with the rest, ensuring that they'd be ready by the time you needed to leave.

it was when jeongin was sorting through the clothes and turning them inside out before throwing them into the washer that he noticed jisung's name sharpied into the care instruction tag on the hoodie you were wearing that day for the picnic. the sight took jeongin back to a conversation he had with jisung in the past, the two of them talking about how their clothes would end up in their siblings' closets growing up. he remembers that jisung explained how his mother had gotten so fed up hearing him and his older brother argue about whether or not whatever garment they were looking for ended up in the other's closet, so she proposed the solution of them writing their names on the care tag so they wouldn't get mixed up.

with all their individual observations put together, they had come to a collective conclusion: jisung has a crush on you.

it also didn't take long for the childish teasing to start, poking fun at their friend's obvious crush on you, whether it be while you were around or when you weren't.

…

"hey loverboy," hyunjin greets with a huge smile the moment he steps into minho and jisung's unit, changbin following behind him and joining in on teasing their friend.

"y/n and jisung sitting in a tree," he sings in a high-pitched voice, "k, i, s, s, i, n– agh!"

changbin's song is cut off when he ducks, trying to avoid getting hit by the throw pillow jisung chucked in his direction.

"hey! no violence!"

"no kid's songs," jisung counters with his arms crossed over his chest, slowly walking over to changbin, who bent down to pick the pillow off the floor, "deal?"

changbin narrows his eyes suspiciously, thinking about whether or not he should hand the pillow–a potential weapon–back to jisung. a moment later, he smacks it into jisung's hands, responding with a "deal."

changbin follows behind jisung, who moves back to the living area to put the pillow back in its spot before he sits on the couch. changbin sitting across from the blonde.

"what time are the others coming?" hyunjin calls from the kitchen, where he opens a family-size bag of chips to pour into a large bowl.

minho, who had just used the bathroom, walks through the hallway, checking his wristwatch, "uh… soon? we said 7pm, right?"

the three boys respond in unison, confirmations overlapping and minho nods.

"well, if they don't get here on time, i'll start the movie without them," minho warns and walks into the kitchen to grab himself a can of coke.

changbin relays minho's threat to the group chat and immediately receives replies letting the chat know they'll be there soon and to keep the remote away from minho. they all know the man isn't being playful and joking around when he says he'll start the movie without them–he really will.

"it's been a while, hasn't it?" hyunjin thinks out loud, a bowl of chips in one hand and a can of coke in his other. he carefully sets the two down on the coffee table, receiving a glare from minho when he doesn't use a coaster; throwing his hands up, he quickly apologizes and just as quickly grabs a coaster to place his coke on.

"been a while since what?" minho inquires, mood lighter now that hyunjin's using a coaster.

"since we had a guys' night," the long-haired, tall boy clarifies, and he sits beside minho, "we've all been so busy lately."

"changbin's birthday could be considered a guys night?" jisung suggests.

hyunjin shakes his head, "nah. not when my twin sister, her lover, chan's lover and your lover were there."

jisung scoffs, "they're not my lover."

"but you wish they were," minho wiggles his eyebrows with a cheeky smirk on his lips.

jisung opens his mouth to refute their claims, but his mouth closes, making him look like a fish. he can't deny their claims when they aren't wrong. instead, he rolls his eyes, arms crossed over his chest again and slumps into the couch with a pout and flushed cheeks.

"ha, we got him there," changbin chuckles loudly.

"got him where?"

the front door opens to reveal chan, felix, seungmin and jeongin walking into the unit with more family-sized bags of chips and bottles of alcohol.

"talking about his crush," minho informs before jisung can open his mouth and tell him to shut up, "hyunjin was talking about how we haven't had guys' night in a while, and jisung said that changbin's birthday could have been considered a guys night, but hyunjin argued that since jihyun and her lover were present, chan's lover and jisung's lover were present, it would not be."

"then he was like, 'they aren't my lover,' and minho was like, 'you wish they were,'" hyunjin's pitch and tone changed as he imitated jisung and minho, "and jisung just shut up and now he's sulking." hyunjin finishes off minho's retelling of the few minutes before the rest of the boys arrived.

jisung scoffs again, "i am not sulking."

"you didn't deny they were your lover when minho and hyunjin were retelling the story," changbin points out, and the room is filled with the boys hollering. they all sport knowing, mischievous smiles in jisung's direction, and the boy gets progressively more flustered by the second.

"i-" jisung again opens and closes his mouth like a fish, not knowing how to fire back at his friends.

"don't worry, ji," felix says, "it's cute seeing you like this; we've never seen someone have this kind of effect on you like y/n does." felix sits on the arm of the chair jisung is sitting on, slowly as he's cautious that the boy may shove him off.

"what effect?" jisung continues his attempt to deny it and acts like he doesn't know what they're talking about.

"c'mon," seungmin begins, "when you're around them, you're so comfortable and talkative."

"so?"

"so? you've known them for like five months, and you're this comfortable with them," seungmin explains.

"you've known jihyun the same amount of time you've known me–which is like what? three, almost four years–and the most you talk to her is on mine, hers or your birthday," hyunjin pipes in, bringing along evidence to support seungmin's observations.

"well, i mean... jihyun is different," jisung himself sounds unsure, "she's your twin sister."

"when we first met, it took you like a year and a half to be that comfortable and affectionate with me," seungmin reminds.

"i've never seen you this affectionate with someone before," jeongin adds.

"i'm affectionate to you guys," jisung argues.

the boys chuckle, "we mean this fast, so soon with someone new."

jisung groans, running his hands through his hair and hiding his face behind them, attempting to hide just how flushed his face is.

his voice is muffled when he responds, "you make me sound like a loser."

felix pokes the boy's head, "you're not a loser. far from it."

"yeah, yeah, you're just saying that," jisung denies, hands still covering his face.

"i'm saying it cos it's true, you're not a loser," felix asserts.

"you're shyer and more introverted than others but that doesn't make you a loser," seungmin pipes up. when jisung still doesn't move his hands from his face, an idea pops into his head, and he continues, "y/n doesn't think you're a loser."

everyone can see how jisung's ears perk at the mention of your name.

"i mean, they do like you just as much as you like them," felix adds nonchalantly, as if that statement didn't just make the boy sitting next to him's heart lurch.

jisung moved his hands from his face, arms crossed over his chest again with a pout on his lips. he tried to seem upset, but they all saw right through him–mainly because his cheeks and ears sport the same rosy red.

"really?" jisung wonders. they all nod their heads, and jisung cocks an eyebrow at them, "you better not be fucking around with me." he warns with narrowed eyes.

"we're not, we swear," chan puts his hands up in surrender, trying to show jisung he's not lying.

jisung is still a bit skeptical, but now that this information is out there, and it's been disclosed by felix who was the one to introduce you to everyone, felix who is a close friend of yours, he can't bite back his curiosity. he surveys everyone in the room again, looking for cracks in their demeanour that could give him a reason to think they're playing a prank on him or trying to get a rise out of him but he finds nothing.

at that, jisung relaxes into the chair, arms still crossed over his chest, and he nudges felix with his elbow.

"so…" he clears his throat, "what exactly did they say about me?"

main masterlist

[lancermylove]

Trauma (HC)

Fandom: Obey Me

Pairing: Demon Brothers x gn!Reader

Warning: SA trigger

Requested by: Anon

Prompt: OM headcanons for an MC who was SA by a family member just a few hours before being summoned to devildom? Maybe Mc is quiet and shaken for the next couple months?

A/N: Sorry for taking this long to write this, anon! Thank you for your patience. 💖

———————————————

Lucifer knew immediately that something had happened to you before you came to Devildom. At first, he thought to give you space, but when he noticed you hadn't said anything for months and avoided others, he decided to reach out to you.

Even when he asked if you were okay, you remained silent. Nothing he said reached you until he stepped closer, and you backed away quickly.

Lucifer noticed your breath growing heavy, your body shaking, and your eyes as wide as possible. That was all he needed to know what exactly had happened to you.

He took a few steps back, putting more distance between you and him. Lucifer said in a soft voice he rarely used, "I have no intention to harm you. If anyone attempts to harm you, I will be your shield. Know that you are not alone, (y/n)."

His words were enough to bring tears to your eyes, and as you sobbed your heart out, Lucifer quietly watched you with a gentle gaze.

If you permit him, he will embrace you gently and protectively.

Mammon thought you were shaken because you were taken from your world and forced to come to Devildom; moreover, you were face-to-face with demons.

But then, he noticed that you were quiet and still shaken. His mind told him you were still scared of being in Devildom, while his heart said something was wrong.

In an attempt to be friendly with you, he slung an arm around your shoulders, but before he could say anything, you screamed, pushed his arm off, and backed away. Your back was pressed firmly against the wall as you trembled and stared at him with teary, wide eyes.

Initially, Mammon was speechless, but your tears tugged at his heartstrings. He raised his hands in defense and whispered an apology, "I ain't tryin' to hurt ya. S-Sorry...I...um...are ya ok? Did somethin' happen to ya? Did someone try to hurt ya in Devildom?"

In response, you lowered your head and stayed quiet.

"I ain't gonna hurt ya. Since you came to Devildom, you ain't been talkin' to no one. You also look sad...and I just wanna be there for ya, y'know? I wanna see you smile." His voice held sincerity and kindness. "Will ya lemme make ya smile? And if I can't make ya smile...you can hang me upside down from the ceiling."

Every day after that, Mammon will try to make you smile while maintaining a respectful distance from you. Even if you tell him to leave, he won't stop, as he truly wants to be your friend and see you happy.

Initially, Levi assumed you were like him - an introvert put in a very uncomfortable position by being dragged out of their room to an unknown place filled with demons. On top of that, you were forced to communicate with them.

Levi wasn't sure what he could do or say to get you to talk to him, but he took a chance to approach you when you were sitting alone in the planetarium. Unlike his brothers, he kept his distance from you.

The two of you sat in silence for a while until Levi began to talk about his past in a quiet, shaky voice. He wasn't sure why he was sharing his past with you and was uncomfortable doing so, but something in his heart told him to. He told you about his struggles in the Celestial Realm, during their fall, and his time in Devildom.

"I don't normally share this with anyone...especially normies. If you want to share anything with me, I will listen. Don't worry, I won't judge you...and if you don't want to say anything, that's okay too." Levi softly said. "When I am sad...there's one thing I always want to hear, but no one says it to me. So, today, I'll say it to you: I'm here for you."

If you open up to Levi, he will listen to every word without judging, but he will be angry at the person responsible for hurting you. If you choose to stay silent, Levi will be a little hurt but will respect your decision. He will give you the passwords to his room's door so you can visit him if you feel like it.

One look is enough for Satan to tell you something happened to you before you came to Devildom. He didn't care to know at first as you were nothing more than a stranger to him.

But the more he saw you struggling, the more Satan wanted to ask you what was wrong. He knew better than to walk up to you and ask you directly.

Satan slowly approached you when you were sitting on the steps outside of the House of Lamentation and put two kittens close to your feet. As you watched the kittens play with your shoes, Satan sat down beside you with a decent distance between your bodies.

"When I am sad or angry, kittens and cats help me calm down. I hope they have the same calming effect on you." His tone was normal, but his voice had a hidden softness. "You have the right to be upset with us, rather with Diavolo and Lucifer for bringing you to Devildom without consent. We may be demons, but we aren't that demonic. We can understand emotions, suffering, and pain...and I can tell you have been in immense pain since the day you came to Devildom. I won't ask you to tell me what happened, but if you want to share anything with me, I will listen and believe every word you say. I will not judge or jump to conclusions."

Satan offered you a warm smile before continuing, "If you don't want to talk, that's fine too, but don't continue to suffer alone. It will only hurt you more."

If you pour your heart out, Satan will comfort you verbally and even hug you if you ask. If you decide to stay silent, Satan will talk to you daily to see if he can alleviate even a little bit of your pain.

Asmo noticed your shaken behavior immediately and approached you the first moment he found you alone. He asked if you were okay, but when you avoided him and ran away like he was a scary monster, Asmo was shocked.

At first, he was upset with you for not noticing his beauty and treating him like a scary monster. Then, he started paying close attention to your behavior and realized that you behaved this way with everyone. Finally, it dawned on him that something might have happened to you, and considering you didn't like anyone coming close to you, he figured it had to do with something physical.

It didn't take long for Asmo to figure out what could have happened. He was deeply disturbed by the thought of someone touching you against your will and wanted to comfort you however he could.

"Sweetie, wait, please don't run. I am not here to hurt you...please believe me when I say I am not a monster." Asmo's voice was sweet and soothing. "Whatever happened...it was not your fault...and you didn't deserve it. I want to help you in any way I can, so will you please put some trust in me?"

Asmo holds his hand out to you to show he is trustworthy and his touch is not harmful. If you take his hand, he will gently hold your hand in his and stroke the back of your hand with his other hand. Whatever you want him to do, he will happily do for you. If you can't trust him, he will try again and continue trying until you can open up to him.

When Beel saw your shaken state, he felt uneasy. He didn't say anything or approach you, but as more time passed, Beel had the urge to give you a protective hug.

He followed his instincts without taking anything else into consideration. So when you pushed him away and ran to the other side of the room, Beel was shocked and hurt. He couldn't understand why you were scared of him, or did you just not like him?

"I...am sorry. Am I scary? Um...I am not bad, I promise. (Y/n), you have been sad since the day you came to Devildom, and I just wanted to hug you to make you feel better." His voice was genuine and innocent. "I needed to ask for your permission before hugging you. You are now part of the House of Lamentation, and since my family lives here, that makes you part of my family. I don't like seeing my family members sad or hurting."

Beel carefully took a step closer to you and gave you the most serious and sincere expression he could.

"I will do anything to protect my family, including you, (y/n). I will protect you from pain and harm from now on. I will also share my food and snacks with you...I will do whatever it takes to make you happy."

Beel held his arms out before asking sweetly, "Can you give me permission to hug you?"

Beel will envelop you in his warmth and hold you protectively against his chest if you run into his embrace. If you don't hug him, he will be heartbroken, but that won't stop him from trying again another day.

Belphie noticed you were shaken but felt he would be nosy if he asked what happened to you. So, he chose to ignore the words of his heart and mind. He ignored your behavior most of the time as he was asleep.

But when his brothers talked about how quiet you were and how you seemed shaken by something, Belphie's curiosity grew.

As he approached you in the planetarium, he saw how exhausted you looked and figured you hadn't been getting much sleep. Every sign he picked up on stated that you had experienced an unforgettable trauma.

At first, he only spoke to you, but since Belphie was hellbent on figuring out what happened, he intensely observed your reaction to his words and actions. The moment he saw you flinch when he slid his hand closer to your hand on the planetarium bench, Belphie could guess what had happened.

He immediately withdrew his hand away from you as he searched for the right words to say to you. "I am sorry for what happened to you. We probably made your situation worse by bringing you to an unknown place and telling you that you will stay here for the year. I will be honest with you...I am not good with words or emotions to a certain extent...but (y/n), I am here for you if you want to talk or spend time together. Anything you tell me, I will keep to myself. You don't have to fight alone. We are here for you. I am here for you. Always remember that."

Belphie doesn't push you in any way and gives you space. If you approach him with your pain, he will help to alleviate it in any way he can. If you stay away from him, he watches you from a distance to see how you are doing. He will approach you once in a while to talk to you and try to divert your mind from your trauma, even if for a moment.

———————————————

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[ash-says]

Be Bold. Be Shallow.

Before you start judging me and formulating your own illusions sit down and hear me out first.

Do you think being introverted is cool?

Do you think bonding with people on so-called social anxiety issues is cool?

Making memes and cracking self depreciating jokes is cool?

Having a sense of superiority in being a rut along with someone who is your bff is cool?

Trauma bonding with others and making fun of how your parents are strict and don't give you the autonomy to even go out for a trip is cool?

Ohh, honey. How incredibly dumb of you!!!

It's really astonishing to witness that you still haven't recognised the micro patterns standing in between you and your growth.

Here we are blaming the economy, genes, society and what not...

First thing first, if you can't speak up for yourself no one else is doing it for you.

But Ash being around people drains the fuck out of me. It's easy for you to say that. I am an introvert.

What are you a battery?? If yes then please recharge.

Being an introvert will get you nothing. If you can't communicate effectively trust me no company is going to hire you easily no matter the amount of knowledge you possess.

Learn how to sell yourself. Not saying in the sexual way of course.

Cure your social anxiety. Do things that are challenging and step out of it.

Be Fucking bold I mean it. Ask for whatever you want. Have opinions. Voice it out. Stand your truth. That's the only way you can work it out. Develop the courage to talk with people. Be comfortable in being the centre of attention. Be loud. Be self aware.

Today's world is filled with a lot of noise. Don't expect that someone will notice you and adopt you automatically. Nothing will happen until and unless you put yourself out there. Figure out what you want and demand it. Things don't happen magically you have to make it work for you.

Now doing all that let me tell you one harsh reality. When you start stepping into your power and having a voice you are going to trigger a lot of people. Your truth will shed light on their false decorums. It will make them uncomfortable. They will want to tame you. Put you in your place. Tell you to compromise. Try to show you, you are not all that. Accept what you are served silently without creating a ruckus.

That's where you have to be shallow. Shallow towards their attempts to bring you down. Shallow towards their triggers. Shallow towards their fears. It's not your job to coddle their insecurities and make them feel safe at the expense of your growth. You stand in your truth.

You have to be cruel at times. People will call you names. Say you are self absorbed. Selfish. Don't care for others. But at this point you need to be deeply self aware, bold and assertive with your needs, desires and non-negotiable then only you will be able to separate that noise from your true self and be shallow enough to ignore it. To not let it affect you. It takes being borderline cold hearted to go on living with this kind of experience. To smile slyly when someone calls you selfish just for choosing your mental peace over their drama. To be cocky when someone tries to taunt you and make you feel bad about scoring good grades or having it easy compared to them. There's an indescribable peace in being unbothered.

Always be empathetic. Be kind. Understand the pain of the underprivileged, poor, traumatized, shattered people but don't let it turn you into a doormat.

Your depth shouldn't become the reason for your drown.

[faysgeekystuff]

Francesca Bridgerton has SAD

This new season of Bridgerton has been absolutely amazing with Polin, Eloise scenes, Violet being Violet, and, of course, Francesca Bridgerton. She is such an interesting character to me, and extremely relatable to many people. She has become my favorite character in the franchise due to how much I relate.

I think everyone agrees that she is an introvert, it's been confirmed by Julia Quinn and everything. Having her social battery run out, enjoying solitary activities such as piano forte, being overstimulated by crowds, needed time to herself, preferring to be a wallflower, sitting in companionable silence ect. She is very different from her sibling, and it's refreshing to see an introvert in the Bridgerton family.

One thing I couldn't help but notice is the anxiety she has when she's social. Now someone isn't necessarily neurodivergent or has a mental health issue if they're an introvert but there is a higher likelihood because of how many signs overlap. Francesca is a character that I've noticed many people, introverts or nuerodivergent people especially, relate to. I honestly think it's amazing! But I haven't seen many people talk about the clear signs of anxiety she has.

She fidgets a lot in social situations, avoids eye contact, anxiously follows social situations until she's told by someone it's okay to take a break or to go play piano. Avoids being social but will mentally prepare herself if she has to go to events. She wants to be done with these situations as quickly as socially possible, which we see when she leaves multiple balls early. There are so many signs but the biggest one for me is the faces she makes.

Hannah Dodds has done an amazing job showing the rich internal life of Francesca. The faces she makes show clear thought and internal dialogue without any of it having to leave her mouth. The anxiety she has before meeting the queen and having everyone look at her, the panic when she is surrounded by multiple suitors who don't follow her practiced dialogue (they went off script!), the relief when she finally has time for herself and can get away, the nervousness when she's dancing with a suitor because if she messes up everyone will see and judge her. All of it leads me to believe that she is a very socially anxious person.

All in all, I see her as an introverted person with Social Anxiety Disorder and relate to her so much because of it. It's something more people should talk about. When we see Social Anxiety on screen or in TV it's almost always someone who never leaves the house or has a panic attack when people start talking to them. It's almost always portrayed as debilitating and generally becomes the personality or quirk of the character. There definitely are some people like that but SAD is often fairly functional. We can go to social events, talk to people, be in a crowd, ect.

A lot of the time an underlaying anxiety throughout the interaction and you have an internal monologue telling you to not to mess up. To avoid judgement. Asking if this is okay to do? Do i look weird doing this? Are they laughing at me? When is it okay to leave? Can I go to the bathroom now or is the timing weird? Am I making eye contact too long or too little? Can i find somewhere away from people? Most of that stays internal but it can have few outwards signs. Things like avoiding eye contact, or figeting, making a face, trying to find a way to escape a conversation. All things we see Francesca do. It's so nice to see a mild form of social anxiety on screen for a change. Someone who can live their life despite the anxiety and is so much more than just their disorder.

Even if you don't agree with me and you think she's just an introvert, or she's shy, or she's on the spectrum, or anything else. I find it amazing how many people see themselves in her. That she can be seen in so many different ways, and have so many people love her without being a loud or gregarious person. She's quiet and has a rich internal life, and so many of us love her for it.

[queerprayers]

hi johanna! i want to try going to church, but feel self-conscious. i live in a small town, my friends are not religious and my family is ex-christian. i'm worried about people judging me, even though i know that shouldn't matter. some of my family seem embarrassed of how christian we used to be and they'd be surprised i want to go to church. i feel equally worried about walking into a church where everyone knows everyone but me or seeing someone i know! any thoughts are welcome. love your blog!

Hello, beloved!

I'm sure you're not alone in this situation—honestly, it can be kinda embarrassing to genuinely want to participate in faith, the way it's embarrassing to be earnest about anything. People who aren't religious can completely misunderstand the motivations and experiences of religious people, and while I don't know why your family left religion, both people who just weren't all that into it and people who have been hurt by or have serious issues with the church can be (sometimes understandably) antagonistic toward people who stay or join. 

Perhaps judgment "shouldn't" matter—but it does, to most everyone. Something something how our brains are wired to desire acceptance—I'm not a psychologist. It makes sense and it's okay. Caring what people think often coexists with empathy—they're both awareness of others, desiring good emotions in others. But we cannot let empathy become fear of ourselves. Empathy extends to our own souls too. Being genuinely faithful in the face of judgment from outside and within your communities takes strength. Creating a life of your own is terrifying. This isn't fair, but it is our calling. 

In recent years, I've embraced the uncool-ness of my earnestness—my beloved amalgam of philosophy and religion that started as an apocalyptic cult and was co-opted by empire and has a lot of weirdos and needs to repent of its crimes and has produced some of the most beautiful art in the world and that attracts people to the walls of churches even after everything. I'm almost glad in some ways that it's not the assumption anymore that everyone is Christian, that more and more you have to go out of your way to be part of this thing. (I'm not completely naive—I know that where I live is a majority Christian country, and I am not pretending oppression or minority status or counterculture. But I am often met with surprise that I'm Christian, and I treasure that.)

The small town thing is its own beast—I live in a city (small but I think it counts), but I currently go to church half an hour away in a very rural area, and there's a specific environment of knowing everyone that I only have a tiny experience with but can imagine how exposed it must feel to try something new or change your life in any small way. And there is definitely a small church culture that can feel intimidating, like sitting at a new table in high school, wondering if somewhere tight knit has room for another. I can never promise this, but I know with my church and many others, welcoming a new person into that tight knit community is the most natural thing in the world. You'll probably get a more personal welcome, and be invited to more potlucks, and I can't promise someone there won't know your mom, but it's doable even as an introvert. Church people want more people at church—in lovely communal ways or in evangelistic ways, and while I hope you meet the former, even the latter has its own welcome. There are definitely ways to dip your toes in the water of church without braving this—like visiting a church while you're out of town, or tuning into a virtual service—but I believe in you to take it a step further. If you come a few minutes late and leave a few minutes early to avoid any conversation, I salute you. If you see someone you know and flee the other direction, I understand. If you go once and have to wait a few months to be brave enough to go back, so be it. But you have as much a right to exist on holy ground as anyone, and you already have common ground to stand on because you want to be there, just like them. I don't know how many churches are near you, but you're already going outside your comfort zone, so you might as well step into one that you're not familiar with—a more traditional mass, or a hippie sing-along. Don't set limits on your journey that is about pushing past limits.

You want to try this out, and it probably feels lonely, and you'll have to stomach surprise and probably being looked down upon by people who feel they know better, feel they have evolved past the need for silly little ritual, or for whom religion only exists as closed-mindedness. I don't know if you're queer, but I've had similar experiences of being the one to embrace where God and my heart lead me, to the embarrassment or shame of those who have never encountered it or have stifled it within themselves.  You'll have to stand your ground, the way anyone who seeks something their family and friends don't has to do. Formulate some answers for questions you may receive—but no one has a right to your story. You're allowed to be casual about things that are deeply personal, you can say "I don't know, I was just curious" when everything in your soul is calling out for this. Being publicly faithful often comes after you've done the reconciling within yourself. Have patience.

If you're into saints, find some who have gone their own way—Francis of Assisi comes to mind. I even think of Moses, telling a member of his own adoptive family to let his people go, standing his ground for people he had only recently come to love. The faithful that have come before us had to live through—and die from—so much. Entering new communities has always needed strength, the strength of God. Often a lonely way at first, but your family's embarrassment or your friends' lack of understanding is not your burden. Their judgment is on them to swallow down or bear the guilt of acting on it. Your choices and calling is for them to reconcile. I'm not saying we should do whatever we want without regard for how it affects others, but you are not causing harm, and any tension will not have been created by you going to church, but by them disliking or not understanding this fact. And tension is sometimes necessary for people to reconcile with—it'll be good for them. You're probably doing them a favor—we all need to learn how to love people the way they will need to. It sucks to feel like a teaching tool, and I don't want to reduce you to that, but so often living a full life means people who can't deal with that have to learn. Looking at someone embracing what you never found a way to flourish within or understand is like looking at the sun sometimes—I've been there. But it is not for us to apologize for the light. And it often happens that being that light will move someone else to bravery.

I'm sorry it falls on you to be brave first. I'm sorry that religion is not simple or easy, but genuine desire can and will take you so far. I have a hunch that after the first time, a lot of things will make more sense. Beginning is half of the journey sometimes. If you've already begun since writing this, I'm very proud of you, and if you haven't, you have so much beautiful time. Faith is not all or nothing, and it is never too late. Life does not begin and end in your small town, and life can and will flourish—you are part of such a big world and history, for better and worse.

God is with you, regardless. God is right there, walking with you, moving your feet over the threshold of places you muster so much bravery just to enter. What shouldn't matter but does, deeply, heartbreakingly, can be both taken seriously and let go of, through the peace of Christ.

<3 Johanna

[pomefioredove]

As the president of VilYuu nation what are your speculations for manga!Yuu for Pomefiore installment, considering the manga version of each Yuu serves as the foil for the overblot boys ✨️

(Or they should be, but tbh I only Yuuta who served this purpose the most clearly as he looks like how Azul was in the past yet he is happy and content, unlike Azul. I wished we could have seen Yuuken's and Yuuka's backstories explored more to mirror Riddle's and Leona's.)

For Vil's Yuu, I'm thinking of child actor whose fame is rapidly vanishing but is still dedicated to their work until they're tossed into twst 🤔 But again manga Yuu has all been average high school students so idk, maybe they're in some clubs which involve performing arts? Or the average fan who is fond of innocent type of idols like Neige hot idols like Vil? Anything's possible and I'm not sure if I can contain my excitement until the Pomefiore manga is finally out 💕 (which will happen in 2 years if we're lucky, considering how long it took Heartslabyul manga 😭)

admittedly I don't keep up with the mangas so I am reading this all as you explain it to me, but if they were a foil, they would contrast him more so than not, yes?

so it actually would make more sense for yuu to just be an average high school student. even more than that. make them a nobody, a complete introvert, someone who hates being looked at

I think the most effective character foils are ones who contrast the main character's superficial qualities (which, in this case, would be vil's elegance, style, fame, talents, etc), but mirror their repressed thoughts and feelings. make this yuu someone who struggles with feeling inferior, make them insecure about their morality, make them someone who is a loner, not by their own hand, but by being villainized and isolated by their peers

I guess I would go for a backstory that's more like, yuu as a young child who wasn't socialized properly (I think this would parallel the film industry in vil's background well). but they're a terrible actor, and thus can never lie about anything. they're blunt, they don't fake smile, they express disgust and contempt often and easily... others call them mean and scary and they were othered, and so they grew to fit the role of the villain. almost unashamedly so.

they avoid people, they hate being the center of attention, and they hate feeling judged, which creates a lot of conflict between them and vil for a long time. "don't talk to me, don't look at me, I hate you" type of edgy. lots of self-hatred, and a deep bitterness towards others they think of as perfect. what they feel for vil is almost what vil feels for neige

but yeah idk lol. I was imagining a fem yuu for all of this because I feel like this sort of personality is way more interesting for a female character to have, but as far as I know all the manga yuus are male. just some speculation!

anyway tldr since this is mostly just me babbling

yuu is a terrible actor who can't so much as fake a smile

their bluntness and lack of expression makes them come off as mean and judgmental

they grew up being isolated and villainized by their peers because of it

they began isolating themselves as a counter measure, avoiding people, becoming introverted and lonely and hating attention/being looked at

they develop a deep hatred of "perfection" and people they consider perfect, which includes vil

[blessedarethebinarybreakers]

hi i just wanted to say, thank you very much for all of your posts and perspectives on the church hurt tags, it's very validating. the religious people around me are always pushing me to physically go to church and I've always been reluctant to despite feeling like im much closer to my faith and God as my best friend lately (all thanks to the numerous queer affirming religious blogs on tumblr btw!) and it's because of all the disagreement i have with the church and what they teach here (i live in a conservatively religious country where even supporting the queer community is frowned upon)

it makes me feel incredibly guilty that i don't feel the desire to go. not to mention, another reason is i work 6 days a week and also an introvert with not that many spoons and so i dont quite have the energy to go because sunday is the only day i get to recharge. but everytime i think about these reasons, i feel guilty as if im making excuses and that im just lazy, I can't never tell which is the truth and that only adds to my guilt.

everytime someone tells me to go to church, i long to find one where i am accepted for who i am, a place where i dont have to be afraid to be myself, a place that doesn't teach outdated beliefs that doesn't resonate with me. i long to feel the desire to go and to sing worship.

and at the same time, for me, worship and my faith lies in the small things that i do everyday, like looking at the sky and admiring the clouds, sending a quick prayer of thanks when the light turns back on after a blackout, enjoying the food that God has given me, listening to music on my way home to work, scrolling through affirming blogs and crying at the amount of compassion shown to me. but it feels like everyone says that's not enough, that we need to diligently attend church to truly be a christian but i just.. cant? which is shameful for me to admit.

im sorry this got long and became a sad rant but just, thank you for having that tag i really appreciate it, I've always been afraid to verbalize all of this thought because im afraid of being judged and being told the opposite but your posts have all been very helpful

Hey anon, I'm sorry the people around you are pressuring you to go to church, rather than doing any work to make the churches around you somewhere you could actually find spiritual flourishing. You deserve spaces where you can worship in community, but when those spaces don't exist, that is never your fault.

We can honor the sabbath in myriad ways: God's instruction to the first of humanity was not "go to church" but simply "rest," one day a week. If church is not a place you can rest in God's love, seek that rest elsewhere.

I pray that guilt will release its hold on you, that you can continue to find God in the small things, and comfort in knowing that the Divine Spirit blows wherever She will — outside church walls as much as inside them.

And I pray that you will find community that supports and celebrates you exactly as you are, whether it's among Christians or elsewhere, in person or online. We are communal creatures, created for relationship. Again, it is not your fault when others fail to extend a fully loving and reciprocal relationship to you; it is just my prayer that God will guide you towards those who can be that for you, and you for them. In the meantime, God Themself is as you say your best friend, holding you close through all things. <3

[jay-whyy]

Perhaps; Mixing Dazai Up And Putting Him Back Comprehensively

As a hater of Dazai Osamu from Bungou Stray Dogs, I'd like to think that I have a rather clear view of the guy. There's nothing about him in particular that pisses me off, but there's everything about him that messes me up.

I've been assigned as his kinnie far too many times, despite how I'd like to think that I'm closer to Fyodor Dostoevsky. My results have constantly gotten in my face, and I'm upset.

Personally, I'm not a Dazai or Fyodor kinnie. I belong to Fernando Pessoa, a jumbled up man, as most know his personality to be. Friedrich Nietzsche would suffice too, I suppose.

Nonetheless, the following is my analysis of the mystery known as Dazai Osamu. Please note that there will be comparisons made with Gojo Satoru from Jujutsu Kaisen.

Perhaps the only real thing about Dazai that we see is his suicidal tendencies, so I will be starting from that and spread my way out.

This is from the experience of someone who used to be suicidal when experiencing childhood depression, so many things might be off, but not too off.

I remember... My suicidal tendencies stemmed from a sense of pity for myself. Oddly, I was suicidal before I was depressed.

According to my information of that man, which is barely any, Ougai Mori took him in when he was in the midst of committing suicide. Obviously, the guy was already suicidal.

I see a descend into depression, throughout his years in the Port Mafia.

He didn't change at all when he defected, and entered the Armed Detective Agency. His mask changed, not him.

He put on a mask where he seems so close to himself, yet so far.

He switched up his tactics. Truth is, he probably doesn't care for Atsushi, his mask does.

Because, understand this, if a person can change, he was always capable of change, he just didn't want to.

Maybe Oda mattered to him, an escape, if you will. Or perhaps, a chance to discover a new mask, one that felt more comfortable.

And when we compare the oh-so-beloved Dazai to Gojo Satoru, Dazai starts to seem weird. There is one major question: Why does he need a mask? Unlike Gojo, he doesn't hold the responsibility and weight of his people. In fact, he doesn't have his people.

Perhaps it's a nasty habit, to keep the mask on. But... I refuse to believe that he hasn't tried to remove it.

I am to presume that his mask was removed for the first time when he was at Bar Lupin, when he feared things would start to go south. Yet, he seems so much more real then, as compared to during Oda's death.

I don't know if I'm going crazy, but that's what I see in my memories.

And I'm just now realizing that life is hard, because everyone in Bungo Stray Dogs is broken, emotionally constipated in some way. Except... Fukuzawa, perhaps?

So, to get back on track.

Dazai has no reason to be wearing a mask, but he is wearing one.

And, let's see.

They mentioned that Dazai and Fyodor Dostoevsky are parallels, right? I'm not entirely sure how they are parallels, because they appear entirely different to me, but let's analyze.

The only common ground I see between the two of them is their intelligence. Or rather, their thinking process.

Understand that Dazai is so much more complex than Fyodor's, because at least we understand that Fyodor has a goal, but where is Dazai's?

Often times, people mischaracterize their MBTIs, so I will be providing my own using Fyodor. Ultimately, their thinking processes are the same, just serving different purposes.

Fyodor is definitely an introvert.

Between sensing and intuition... That is where they differ.

Definitely thinking, and finally...

Between judging and percieving, I'd say it is judging.

Now, to comprehend this, we look at the difference between an INTJ and an ISTJ. These two MBTIs are so similar, yet so different.

For me, I feel that Dazai is an INTJ, constantly responding to Fyodor's ISTJ schemes. Why? Because I think Dazai should be able to complement Fyodor, and Fyodor is definitely an ISTJ.

The INTJ holds the cognitive stack of introverted intuition, extroverted thinking, introverted feeling and extroverted sensing. I won't be explaining what exactly the cognitive stack means, but in short, this makes him a crazy intelligent man who is entirely emotionally constipated.

He doesn't understand himself, which makes it so that others don't understand him. After all, how can the master of the house show his guests around his house, if he himself is unaware of every twist and turn, every painting on the wall?

And his intelligence, it's made possible from his keen eye to detail, cracking Fyodor open and acting accordingly.

And, I'm an INTJ myself. I can observe some parts of myself in him. I just never comprehended the way in which he functioned.

I'd always thought that Fyodor would've won, but Dazai came back on too because he can adapt. He can figure Fyodor out, and pull him along.

And his experience is what makes him so refined of an individual. The mafia didn't fuck him up; The mafia allowed him to thrive, thrive till he could survive, till he could figure out the mask that people liked.

[jessythebunny]

💐 Welcome to my fandoms house 💐

Finaly you made it here and i'm so happy because you decided to follow me and i hope you enjoy your stay🐰✨

Everybody is welcome here except Homophobes, racists, Pedophiles, Proshippers, Gacha heaters, and all the nasty people in general

So in this blog i make a lot of things here like memes, arts,edits, ect, sometimes they look good, sometimes they look cringe🙂🙂

Also i'm in love with James. He is the one who will be more present in this blog, sorry not sorry!!

And also these things here bellow👇🏻👇🏻:

I can do:

Tweening/animation

Drawing arts(even with bases or without them)

SFW (make characters kissing,marking echothers, moaning...)

Drawing simple backgrounds

Art requests

Art commissions

Things i can't do:

Gacha heat

Gacha cringe

Drawing diffecult backgrounds(like forests/cities/beaches, i really need Pinterest so bad😭)

Drawing animals(don't worry I am learning now)

Animate eyes

NSFW (18+)

Letting my oc's naked

🚫 But this blog is also contains swears, yeah a very ✨MOROCCAN✨ swearing, yep i like swearing a lot (But not to this degree), so if you have nothing nice to say here just leave my blog or block me IDFC 🚫

🎧°•My bio and information•°🖤:

🌺Name: Jessy the bunny or Jess in short🎧

🎧real name: Hiba🌺

🎧age: 16 yo🌺

🎧birthday: December 1st🌺

🎧nationality: Moroccan🇲🇦🌺

🎧Zodiac: Sagittarius♐🌺

🎧Pronons:She/her/they/them🌺

🎧Gender: female🌺

🎧religion: Islam (الحمد لله)🌺

🎧MBTI: INTP🌺

🎧sex: asexual💜🤍🩶🖤🌺

🎧hobbies: drawing/cooking/reading books and manhwas(especially the yaoi/yuri ones👀💦)/doing Gacha videos and art/writing stories🌺

🎧favorite shows: Thomas and friends, happy tree friends, dragon ball, smurfs, south park, lazy town,Hazbin hotel...🌺

🎧fears: dark, insects, social phobia, bullying (yeah i'm weak),being ignored🌺

🎧likes: Chocalate, cookies, sleeping, Science and Biology, English, watching videos or make them, anything sweet🌺

🎧dislikes: butter(i'm allergic),Maths, Injustice and insult, school(yeah i hate school soooooooo much because of those fucking classmates), thomas and friends AEG,making friends irl because they are treacherous🌺

🎧features: Nervous, introverted, depressed, funny, shy🌺

🎧I'm a young artist, plz don't judge me!!!🌺

🎧my DMs are always open, but mostly for commissions🌺

🎧I'm also calling someone who's older than me by mr or miss as a respect for them🌺

⚠️°•TW•°⚠️:

Swears

Gore/blood

Sexual themes

Violence

Bad grammar

Cringe behaviors

SFW (safe for work)

Vent

🤍°•FAQs•°💛:

🌟Q:what's your favorite fandom?

A: thomas and friends and this blog will be based with it thank you very much✨✨

_

🌟Q: what's your favorite characters from your favorite fandom?

A: James, Duck, Thomas, Gordon, Percy, Oliver and Toad, Donald and Douglas, Marion, Skiff

_

🌟Q: As for the engines, in their human form, can they fuck or reproduce?

A: Unfortunately, they can fuck whatever or whenever they want but they can't reproduce or have kids because they don't have biological hormones or DNA or whatever it's called like a normal human being

_

🌟Q: what are the ages in your Au?

A: 3 years until 60 years, There are those who are older than this, but I limit myself to these ages because I want them to be limited

_

🌟Q: what are your self insert's sexualities?

A: Every self insert into a random fandom has its own sexuality, for example my versions, I can't let all my versions being Asexual, bc if I let them it'll be boring so I tried to diversify their sexualities, for example Soft Jessy is lesbian, Bad Jessy is trans, Galaxy is pan, ect...

But fo the other fandoms I usuelly let them bi or pan or even straight to make sure that everyone has its lover/soulmate/partner/boyfriend/girlfriend...

_

🌟Q: how did you make your Oc's and are they real or imagined?

A: I made them randomly so that I don't feel like I'm filming the videos alone and that they aren't real people, I made them according to their personality, their life, the story of their past, etc.

_

🌟Q: who are your besties?

A: 🎧 @miasonyson 🎧

💞 @lovable-chica 💞

💎 @asktoyokoakemi 💎

💜 @viktuurishipper96 💜

🎀 @bertramtheoldwarrior 🎀

🌠 @blueskygirl22 🌠

🎩 @jammyjams1910 🎩

💖 @just-an-emily-existing 💖

_

🌟Q: are you doing art requests?

A: yes I do them,like if someone asks me to draw anything about TTTE Au or other fandoms Aus, But for their Oc's they just have to wait until June because it's summer and i will be active anytime

_

🌟Q: Are you gonna do art commissions?

A: Yes, I do them and I really want to, because I need some money to help my parents, so now I am waiting for someone to ask me

_

🌟Q: How tall are the engines?

A: Well, in terms of height, the shortest is Toad and Percy is the second shortest engine and he's almost 5’8ft,and the tallest engine is Gordon, The flying scottsman, Spencer and Diesel 10.Their hight is 7’11ft because they're big and tender engines

_

🌟Q: Does Lady's magical dust have any benefit or any influence on the rest of the engines?

A: Yes, it definitely has a benefit for the engines. Thanks to it, it can save them from becoming victims of scrap, or if something physically harms them in their human form, it comes and treats them because ordinary doctors cannot treat human engines

🎀°•some basics of my Au•°🎀:

🌟some of my oc's transform into their true forms for many special reasons, for example demons, wolves, rabbits, etc., but the duration of this transformation is specific

🌟These reasons in particular may be either psychological, such as sadness, shame, and the desire to feel lonely and calm, or physical reasons

🌟The characters are distinguished from each other by their superpowers and magic, which makes them 100% different from ordinary humans

🌟Each one of us has his own personality, and this is the result of their personalities and feelings being different

🌟Characters can fuse and create new characters, but only if three basic conditions are met: If the two characters have a relationship of love, brotherhood, or strong friendship, If these conditions are not met, they will not be able to fuse

🌟ech character has a rival with another character, The reasons are as follows: Either he had a bad past, or that person was famous and forgot about his friend, and so on

🌟as for the humanized engines, their blood is a bit darker than a normal human being, and also if they lost anything or got cut like if they lost their arm or their leg or anything, don't worry, Lady is here for help

🌟and also they can eat, drink, wash their teeth,taking shower, and almost anything about humans, but the only thing that they don't do in their human form is breeding and reproduction, and the engines in their human form become even more stronger so they can done their jobs very fast and easely.

💗🌟Thank you so much for your time and reading this and i hope you enjoy your stay here again ^^🌟💗

💛𝑯𝒆𝒓𝒆'𝒔 𝒔𝒐𝒎𝒆 𝒔𝒕𝒖𝒇𝒇 𝒕𝒉𝒂𝒕 𝒘𝒊𝒍𝒍 𝒊𝒏𝒕𝒆𝒓𝒆𝒔𝒕 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒎𝒐𝒓𝒆🤍:

❇️°•Art commisions are open•°❇️

🌟°•Original oc's•°🌟

🚂°•Original engines•°🚂

🌹°•other social medias•°🎧

💞°•Official ships•°💞

♡__________________________♡

💫°•Some fandoms i drew•°💫

🖤°•Douglas and Oliver headcanons•°💚

🌈°•original face expressions+color pallet chart•°✨

💐°•Self inserts•°💐

☁°•some random ttte headconons•°🎀

♡__________________________♡

🚂°•The main 12 steam team•°🚂

📖°•ttte fanlore/AUs/fanfics/crossovers/series•°📖

💚°•the emo controller•°🖤

🖤°•Casual emo controller•°💚

🚂°•the narrow gauge engines•°☁

💙°•the Gresley family•°☁

🚂°•the diesels•°⛽

🪄°•Magical/ghost engines•°👻

🤍°•Other ttte characters•°🤍

♡__________________________♡

✏️°•Some simple tutorials•°🖌

💙°•Original stories/lore•°📖

😌°•This could be useful•°😌

🎧°•Artist profile•°💚

🌠°•Unrelated ttte stuff•°🌠

👆🏻𝑻𝒉𝒆𝒔𝒆 𝒔𝒕𝒖𝒇𝒇 𝒂𝒓𝒆 𝒄𝒐𝒎𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒔𝒐𝒐𝒏

♡__________________________♡

📜°•My His-fic AU @sodormagicalworld•°📜

[notjennyfromtheblocked]

Im deliberately sending this off anon so you can see that you arent being 'attacked' by 'Anne', and the fact youre even discussing it that way is ableist as fuck. Im going to start this by making it clear, I have BPD, Im also trans and you will not be knowing my AGAB. You are the asshole in this situation.

We're going to start off simple, you are not an expert on BPD, google and tiktok is full of misinformation and harmful stereotypes about Borderline pplo. BPD is not an 'abusive person' disorder, there is no such thing as a condition that makes you an abusive person. BPD does cause intense, deep emotions that can shift quickly and be hard to control; often this includes having intense feelings for people around them and being scared of losing them/them not being who you thought they were. Because this condition comes from trauma (usually from family/relationships) there are often amplified feelings around abanonment and betrayals of trust especially from ppl you thought were your friends. It is in fact common for some of our nost intense lifelong interests start bc of stupid reasons, but starting bc of a stupid reason doesnt mean the interest isn't genuine. Have you never done something bc your friend wanted you too and you ended it up loving it? Why is it any different bc it was a crush not a friend? BPD doesnt make you a manipulative person, nor does it make you gaslight ppl and seeing as 'anne' has a psychiatric degree Im sure he understands his condition better than you do.

Secondly, 'Anne' is allowed to be trans in whatever way he wants too, she doesnt have to bind, or pack, or change his appearance for anyone. I have a beard, long hair, wear any kind of clothes I want, have tits, have bulge, am hairy and wear a full face of makeup. Some of those things are part of my agab, some of them a part of my transition. And its not a single iota of your goddamn business whether youre friends or not. Gender is a performance and you get to choose the outfit and 'Anne' is deciding what she want his to look like.

Thirdly, you do not seem to understand that part of the reason you very clearly show yourself to be the asshole is the way you speak about others. Describing being an introvert as being more sophisticated or above extroverts is just ridiculous, you are not superior bc you dont go out to parties. I don't either, I find them uncomfortable and loud, but that doesnt make me sophisticated. You talk about 'Mike' as if he cannot be the arbiter of his own interests or relationship, that hes just stupid and couldnt piece it together if 'Anne' was 'faking'. You talk about 'Anne' like she's some master manipulator but you did everything that happened to yourself, you went to the GC and convinced them that something was wrong, you took a group of ppl who didnt know 'Mike' to 'Anne's' house to confront him, you made a callout post about 'Anne' on facebook, you tried to immediately go running to 'Mike' for damage control when your 'intervention' didnt work and you are the person that blasted it all over facebook and now tumblr. And now you are the one losing friends and family, and you deserve it, because the ppl you convinced to attack 'Anne' realised wtf they'd just done and how fucking horrendous that is. You have no evidence of any manipulation, or that 'Anne' is faking, or that 'Mike' isnt happy, you just presented your prejudice. 'Mike' and 'Anne' realise what youve done and they have enough proof to convince a judge or they wouldnt have gotten that restraining order. You are the person behaving manipulative here and everyone can see it except you.

I've tried writing a response to this so many times but I end up deleting it because when I try to explain myself it just sounds like I'm going in circles. There are tons of other asks I've tried answering and rewritten like seven times each before giving up. I've been writing over and over trying to explain like how while yeah technically Mike never told me word for word that he was T4T, when he told me I wasn't his type and then like two days later came out as trans it felt very, very much like he was coming out specifically to let me know that's why I wasn't his type. Or how I was trying to explain how look I know it might be controversial but the constant "main character syndrome" of extroverts just gets on my nerves and is supremely selfish in general and also the truth is you're just GOING to be more intellectual if you spend your free time actually expanding your mind instead of smoking pot and grinding against strangers and how someone like Mike who prefers the same free time activities as I do is just not going to work with someone who would rather party and get wasted than pick up a book, or how Anne is pretending to be trans and I know this because she isn't changing ANYTHING, and I was going to explain that the group chat was full of people she didn't know because it initially was a fandom ship discord from a show she doesn't watch but eventually when I started getting concerned yes it kinda became my "complain about Anne" vent place because nobody there really knew her well enough to go tell her what I was saying and it was a safe place for me to vent and explain why I thought she was abusive and cheating and they would actually listen instead of tell me to knock it off like others, and obviously OBVIOUSLY I thought her and I were close enough as friends she wouldn't mind me using her spare key which she kept under the doormat so it's not like I searched hard. I've written all of that so many times to so many different asks I can't even count and then i just end up deleting it because it feels pointless to even try because I know people will just keep sending asks so why bother so I never wrote it til just now unless I deleted it.

Im gonna be totally fully honest here I woke up and I saw the 99+ notifications in my inbox and I haven't been able to stop shaking because I'm so fucking angry because nobody is on my side, I literally scrolled hoping to find at least one person who was agreeing with me and nobody was and honestly I was so mad I couldn't even see and then I finally found a couple of nice asks and they were signed and I was so excited someone finally agreed with me and when I checked on their blogs they were all fucking terfs. All of the people who were taking my side were fucking terfs. And like I'll be honest with you I have two very close family members who are trans and honestly they've both blocked me recently and even though I tried to contact them they didn't respond and I seriously hate hate HATE terfs because they've been so cruel to my two family members. And I'm so angry. But then I found your ask and at first I was so angry and I tried to reply but I just deleted it because I was getting angry. But then I found more terfs in my ask and then even more hateful anons from non terfs.

But then I kept thinking about how conservatives will literally LITERALLY have Nazis agreeing with them and dig their hills in and in like wtaf how are you not seeing that NAZIS are agreeing with you? But literally the only people agreeing with me are terfs. And honestly that's the last shit I want, I luterally hate terfs. I'm not even exaggerating when I say this is the nicest ask that WASN'T from a terf so I've just. I dunno. I am freaking out because this did not go the way I planned. I knew some people wouldn't agree with me but I thought it would be more split, like some YTA but mostly JAH and NTA. And then when I saw the poll for a hot minute I thought maybe it might veer ESH but obviously that isn't the case. It's just like have you ever really cares about someone, really really cared about someone, and he says oh please don't hug me and pulls away, and then other people hug him so you think I better tell these other people "don't hug him, he doesn't like hugs" and then he says its fine and then starts hugging other people but not you? And you realize at no point did he ever say he didn't like hugging, he just asked you, specifically you, not to hug him? Well imagine that but with Mike, and he stopped wanting to hang out with me and told me not to touch him but whenever I'd remind Anne not to touch him he'd say it was fine and I guess when he came out as trans it was just easier to believe he didn't date cis people than he didn't want to date me. And there were times I thought man I wish I were a trans person so Mike would notice me, and then it seemed like Anne was doing just that because of COURSE it crossed my mind to pretend just for a little while, because if he just gave me a chance he'd realize that we are compatible. Honestly I'm just freaking out because I made this blog a month ago after sent the ask to the aita blog but then it didn't get answered so I started the blog to get all this off my chest. And bam suddenly I was bombarded a month later and it took me a minute to realize the aita hadn't deleted it. Honestly none of this went according to plan and nobody except people I fucking hate want to hear my side. And I dunno. I just don't know. Bur if the only people agreeing me with me all day are terfs then obviously I need to think things through.

[avpdvoidspace]

wondering how other people w/avpd (or in my case suspected avpd) feel about being online?

for example I know a lot of people who are socially anxious or shy, but are very comfortable being on social media/in fandoms/discord servers etc. they've told me that they feel more outgoing and comfortable than they do irl

in my case I don't feel safe online... at all. when I do it's under very specific circumstances. I never join discord servers, all my social media is private, I avoid anything "multiplayer". when a piece of media I like gets big and the fandom suddenly becomes huge I retroactively get extremely anxious and leave ASAP. I never tag anything and rarely visit tags themselves just because they feel "crowded". it makes me uneasy and paranoid and I start to avoid anything associated with it as a result.

I like talking about my interests and meeting people I can eventually feel okay with but I hate excessive attention and judgement and drama that comes with the internet

I just don't get it when people say they feel more comfortable online lol... sure, you can't see me but you can judge me anyway

I relate to a lot of this, and of course others with avpd are free to chime in. Discord servers scare the crap out of me except for two that I run myself and are extremely small--but even those two I sometimes dip out of for long periods, and when I do interact, I try to keep it distanced and 'professional'. That's my trend with being online. This blog, for instance, is about a topic that's very important to me. I can talk about it with a detached interest, keeping who I am as a person out of it other than relevent information. Even my 'personal' accounts are all about my art. There's almost nothing personal there, and my interactions are almost always about my or other peoples' art. I feel like if I don't bring me as a person into it, I can avoid personal scrutiny and attention, which I'm terrified of. So while I'm not doing the same thing in regards of locking my personal accounts, I don't really use accounds where it's just me, interacting with people as myself--just accounts where I'm interacting as an artist, as a person with avpd, or as a curator of a certain fandom's art and fics. It's stuff like this where people with avpd are a little more comfortable with very shallow unpersonal interactions than close friendships that highlights how different avpd is from social anxiety, because I do feel like a lot of introverts and people with social anxiety are more comfortable making friends and interacting online. Whereas for me, it's almost as frightening as trying to maintain in-person friendships. Thanks for the ask