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#don't worry I'm not gonna kms
becaexists · 2 years
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Gonna vent for just a second because I literally have no one to talk to about this so y'know turning to the internet as one does
All over my social medias like Twitter and tiktok (I know they're bad but sometimes they're designed to trap you) everyone is talking about Brianna Ghey, the 16 year old trans girl that was murdered on Saturday. She was a year younger than me, I have friends that are the same age, and all I have seen all day because I've been travelling thus had nothing better to do than to stare at my phone, is so much of the same thing, the same kind of posts, just talking about how this sweet young girl was murdered, potentially out of hate for our community but they're "not sure", and it is really fucking getting to me.
I know it sounds selfish as hell to because it sounds like "oh there was a trans girl murdered and I have to complain about seeing it everywhere" but it's not that, it's the things people put in and under the posts about it. So many of the people trying to spread awareness are trying to be reassuring by saying shit like "to trans youths, we stand by you, this should not be happening" but that doesn't help, because I'm terrified out my fucking mind that if I start trying to be myself, I might get fucking murdered too. What's worse is all of the horrible things transphobic people are saying, like "she's a boy", and "she deserves it" and "example of what should happen to all those trans freaks" because those are actual things I've read today.
And it's not just her case specifically, it's the constant despair I feel as a trans person where my right to exist are constantly being questioned by the only government I've ever known. I open twitter and see stories of how trans rights are being stripped back all over the western world, how people were abandoned by family after coming out as trans, about how being trans is so incredibly awful with little silver linings of "at least you're yourself". So I open tiktok to distract myself, where I see more people talking about the same things, about how the people in government hate us so fucking much. This whole corecore thing is important to highlight the awful shit but when that's the only thing you're seeing with maybe a few cat videos and stupid family guy or movie scenes while someone plays with slime makes to split them up it really makes you feel nothing but despair.
I just wanna get away from it all. I want people to stop talking about it but that's not exactly what I want? I want it to have never happened. I want to live in a world where these things don't happen. I want to live in a world where I can leave the house without being terrified of being hatecrimed or murdered for being who I am. I didn't come out as a trans guy until this year even though I knew for ages I wanted to be a guy, I didn't come out because if I came out in high school, my "all girls" high school where I was already severely bullied for being autistic and queer, I would be fucking dead right now, either from being murdered like she was or from suicide, which I was so so so fucking close to doing after some girl publicly berated me for asking one of my teachers to not call me my deadname (I was going for a fem NB approach to my transness at the time and thought that Bee was the start of something much more fitting for me) because she was right, no one would ever see me as anything other than some pretty but unpopular girl trying to somehow both escape the torture of womanhood and make myself more intriguing
If I could choose anything else, I would. I would not be trans. I would be a regular teenage girl who likes parties and stupid roadmen and skipping lesson to smoke and vape. But I'm not. And my mum, my own mother, has said "if you would choose not to be this, why don't you? Why don't you just go back to being my girl?" And I want to. But I need to be a boy to live. If I don't transition, I might just die from all the self hatred of what I have to pretend to be. I just can't do it.
Sorry this was long, I just have many many emotions and if I said this anywhere else I might just be on the receiving end of some of the same stupid shit people are saying about Brianna. I hope she finds peace somewhere where there isn't so much hatred.
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thickenmyblood · 8 months
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hi maca :) do u already know when you can post chapter 20? im so sad about hiuh ending but also so excited for some happiness :( also, will it really only be 20 chapters or will you add one or two more? in any case, thanks so much for all the time and effort you put into this! I loved every second I spent reading this fic <3
hello!!! well, i was supposed to post ch20 on feb 1st . . . but that obviously did not happen. this month is the month though!!!! I'll try to make it happen before march.
about the chapter: yes, it's the last chapter ever. there will be no more. ever. honestly, I don't think you'll want another chapter after this considering the rough draft I'm working with is 250 PAGES
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chiimeramanticore · 3 days
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#im not dead quit asking#I'm just really really really not doing well#sorry if i scared anyone. that wasnt my intent#things got. let's say worse. for me irl. more complicated for sure#i hate to publicize my breakdown I really do. but maybe i... need this? in a weird way?#i haven't really been adjusting well to having a platform online. that's not anyone's fault but mine ofc#i feel that my 'fans' (if ive earned the right to call them that) dont and frankly cant ever care for me as a person#i dont know you and you dont know me. you dont know all of me at least. just what i make public. what i allow others to see#i had it kinda bullied into me that i need to keep my mouth shut abt my own issues. and ive spent a lot of this year trying to unlearn that#maybe publicizing this is a bad idea anyway#I just know ive been more honest abt my emotions and my personal life with my friends and my partner#and not everyone enjoys it but i know I'm not like. traumadumping so i feel somewhat assured that anyone who doesnt wanna hear abt my life-#-probably wasnt all that interested in forming a close relationship w me to begin with. even if theyre friendly at first#everyone else; the people who I know care about me; have shown me that through their actions#my point is being honest abt how youre doing w other ppl is a good idea. revolutionary i know lol#and i still don't know a lot of you personally but#parasocial or not i got some very genuine sounding messages while I was gone. and i. feel really bad that i worried those people#I guess theres my proof that people would care if i disappeared suddenly. people would notice pretty quick it seems#im never gonna kms btw. even if i didnt have the support i have im simply too stubborn to die lol. to put it lightly#and to those who thought this was abt fandom drama: it's not. those who shall not be named are genuinely the least of my problems these days#I'm on a journey of self actualization. or something. im trying to get my shit together. im trying to stop being clinically depressed lol#but god keeps throwing wrenches in my plans and. i beat myself up about it too much#but that's just life. they say you make a plan and god laughs#im. trying to be okay with just riding the wave. im impatient but if i keep trying to somehow speed up time im just gonna exhaust myself#which I think is where im at now. burnt out#and on top of all that i still feel this need to like. perform for you guys#if i dont keep making content everyone will forget i exist. if i dont make another video essay this year can i even call myself a youtuber#etc etc. its the spiral its impostor syndrome we've all been there#im trying to end this on a positive note but idk. i dont have all the answers yet#hoping i figure it out soon. i hope you dont forget me in the meantime
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autumn-applepie · 4 months
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University ever pushes you so low you have to go buy a couple of beers? /srs/neg
I'm gonna vent in the tags for a moment humor me for once /gen
#No but I'm serious this place is a nightmare /neg#Venting in the tags#humor me for a second. you go to this uni and they promise you a place that will teach you how to become an artist#on both like. morality and skill level. they feed you with bullshit for MONTHS. “oh mistakes are fine! they make you grow!”#or “oh this is a community we work all together there are no discriminations this is a safe place to learn and improve”#and we like. work on this projects - THAT WE ARE NOT PAID TO WORK FOR SO *WE* GET TO PAY FOR ALL THE MATERIALS AND SHIT FOR THEM.#to like “help the community” or whatevrr because “artists are born to inspire others and bring joy” and blah blah blah. BUT. LIKE. THE THING#THE THING IS. NONE OF THESE PROJECTS WILL END UP ON OUR CURRICULUMS. WHAT WE WORK 6-7 YEARS FOR ARE NOT SEEN AS REAL EXPERIENCES.#AS IF WE'VE DONE LITERALLY NOTHING FOR 6-7 YEARS. AND LIKE. THE PROFESSORS ARE SO RACIST AND DISCRIMINATORY AS WELL.#If they don't like you they WON'T EVEN GIVE YOU THE EXAM. BECAUSE THERE'S NO WAY TO DEMONSTRATE IF YOU WORKED OR NOT. IT'S UP TO THEM.#THEY DECIDE EVERYTHING FOR EVERYONE AS IF WE ARE SOME SORT OF FUCKING COMMUNIST KINDA BULLSHIT WORKERS.#Someone fucks up? *WE* FUCK UP AND EVERYONE PAYS. Someone succeeds? *WE* SUCCEED AND EVERYONE GETS THE CREDITS.#THIS IS ALSO WHY NONE OF THE WORKS WE DO END UP IN OUT CURRICULUM BECAUSE ITS MADE SO THAT *THE UNIVERSITY COURSE* DID IT AND NOT *US*.#IT'S FUCKING BULLSHIT AND I CAN'T EVEN GET OUT OF THERE BECAUSE IF I DO MY PARENTS WILL KICK ME OUT CUZ THEY DON'T WANT ME TO BE AN ARTIST#So I'm trying to STUDY for the exams and the “professors” are getting mad at me that I'm not staying 10 HOURS IN THAT MOTHERFUCKING ART LAB.#WORKING AT THEIR NONSENSE PROJECTS THAT WILL NOT END UP IN MY CURRICULUM.#“Oh if you're not willing to put all your efforts for the course this is not the place for you” BITCH I *AM* PUTTING ALL MY EFFORTS!#THIS EXAM IS *LITERALLY* PART OF THE COURSE!! WHAT KIND OF FUCKING BULLSHIT ARGUMENT IS THAT!!!!!#Istg I'm gonna cry I want to kms /NOT SERIOUS#I'm gonna cook dinner. chug my lemon beer. and try to study like a normal person and beg this shit will end soon#Don't worry I'm not going to become an alcoholic I just need something. anything and I'm ABSOLUTELY not gonna start smoking I hate it /srs#tw alchohol mention#alcohol mention#tw smoking mention#smoking mention#vent#tw vent#// mike speaks
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r4zzm4t4zzb3rrry · 2 months
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update: i really REALLY fucking hate life now, fuck my parents
tw vent lmfaoooo sorry lolz
i don't fucking want to watch a movie, i want to stay in bed
my social batteries are fuckign exhausted and i don't want to talk to you, i don't know how you can't understand that
"you can't just stay up there" fuckign watcb me bitch
i don't go from 0 to 60, i live at 59, and you're pushing me to 61
you trying to force me to be somewhere i don't want to be right now, do things i don't want to in the moment, and urging me to talk when i don't want to are the reasons i want to fucking kill myself, and maybe the promise of stranger things season 5 and the fact that everyone wojld be fisappointed if i died are the only things keeping me alive
MY PHONE IS NOT THE REASON I AM DEPRESSED. IT IS THE THING THAT IS HOLDING MY THOUGHTS AT BAY. FUCK YOU, THIS LIFE IS BULLSHIT, WHY DID YOU FORGET A CONDOM, WHY DIDN'T YOU GET AN ABORTION, YOU NEVER WANTED A KID AND NOW YOU'RE BEING A SHITTY PARENT, FORCING ME TO DO THINGS I DON'T WANT TO, AND BACKING ME INTO A CORNER.
ME STATING MY OPINION AND SAYING I DON'T WANT TO DO THINGS IS NOT TALKING BACK. FUCK YOU.
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necrobab3 · 3 months
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ugh I'm on my period. someone please shoot me in the head
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gorkaya-trava · 10 months
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haha suicidal thoughts go brrrrrrr
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no-one-hears-me · 1 year
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I really do wonder when I'm finally gonna just end it all tbh
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philosophicallie · 4 months
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I want a cat. I want 5 cats. they'll help me actually live by being what I need to take care of so I have to take care of myself
#i just want to be less of an emotional and laborious burden on my family. i hate making them take care of me when i fall off on health#idk im sad and hungry#i still think it could be feasible to maybe turn the bedroom into a better use of space and we'd maybe all be able to sleep in it at once#and the whole other side house can belong to them and our side with us#idk. maybe they'd think it's not responsible enough to stuff our shit in one place but like#idk man i just want away from you people I'm tired of your voices I'm tired of your faces I'm tired of having to be around u worry about u#i dont fucking care i just don't ever want to see them again#idk i just hate how more and more i just get an anxiety response to them and it just gets worse over time#like its to the point now where like i dont even want them to talk to my children unsupervised. you dont get to influence them#like they fucking ruined their first and only attempt at having a kid im not fucking letting you do it again i dont trust you to ever#do any errands for me and my kids alone with them. like theyre not talking to them! sorry! you guys had nothing good to say in any emotional#level and anytime you guys have kids over all you do is make fun of them! so! you dont get to talk to my kids ever!#im genuinely so sad that its come to this but also like its not like theyve even done anything for me. its not like they know me#i dont fucking like them either like#i just want to never have to hear or see them ever again they bring me that much distress#i kind of just want to disappear in general because i feel like these thoughts r cruel so i may as well just kms bc im only gonna get worse
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unearthlydream · 7 months
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tw: suicide, death
my grandpa is dying, my mom is back in the hospital, my aunt is throwing a hissy fit bc she's not being prioritized in all of this, and now my cousin who is resisting treatments for his addiction tried to kill himself in a..... really troubling way
and i gotta do fuckin LAUNDRY?????? VACCUMM???what sthe fucking point bro like jesus christ maybe rich had the right idea. don't gotta worry about mundane tasks if ur dead lol
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leeechin · 20 days
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☆ bf ni-ki headcanons ! (fluff) 🦄 🦅 🍡 🥮
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a/n: nothing but pure fluff and a few curses and kisses!!
a 'kys' + 'kms' joke is also thrown in here !!
♡ enha m.list | post queue | navigation
bf!riki being so much taller than you but uses your smaller frame to hide behind you as you guys walk thru a haunted house, attempting to cover his face by using your shoulder, but you're just too fast for riki to catch up to! forcing him to just hold you tightly beside him.
bf!riki spoiling you at the amusement park by winning you a lot of stuffed animals, having no more space for him to hold them for you, ni-ki forces his other band mates to fill their arms with the stuffed animals, as they follow behind you guys, practically being your guys' babysitter, seeing the two of you guys skip and hold hands at the amusement park. riki not wanting you to hold anything but your mini handbag and his hand !
bf!riki having an unknown hatred for the color pink, but loves seeing you wear pink clothes, changing his perspective on the color and matching you here and there.
bf!riki when you guys match each others freak (not in a nsfw way) "you're like the mr. peabody to my sherman!" you randomly say while cuddled up in riki's embrace. "your so right baby oh my god!" riki responds, you guys both laugh, "i'm definitely that dog, i got that dawg in me." "okay riki…" "you know we locked in like them baby." "except we're also boyfriend and girlfriend!" you respond, turning on the remote to play the actual movie now.
bf!riki when he's struggling to put on a tie for a fancy event, and the rest of his fellow band mates are too busy getting ready on their own to help. so he calls you to come over and help. you reach your arms out, easily putting his tie in perfect place with a knot. "all done!" your boyfriend smiles at you and rewards you with a place kiss on the lips, leaning over and holding you into a tight embrace.
bf!riki and you struggling to decide what dessert to get at a bakery shop, so ni-ki justs ends up ordering the whole menu. "i can't pick riki!" you frown, voice quiet as he 's on speaker with his phone, calling the bakery place. "uhhh actually can i just order two of everything on the menu..?" he sheepishly says to the person on the other line. the person seems shocked but agrees to riki's order, hanging up the call after confirming all the details. you playfully swat his shoulder. "don't worry y/n i'm gonna give them a big fat tip for this, plus if there’s some we don't like, the others will definitely eat them." you smile in response, placing a kiss on the tip of his nose.
texts with bf riki !
you:
you: who are ur opps fr 🤨⁉️
you: bro is NOT nonchalant and mysterious, quit the act😹!!!!
you: yk you're not gangster 😂🤣😂🤣 you were literally just arguing with kids in the chat on roblox on how 'i'm actually niki from enhypen"
riri 👩🏻‍❤️‍💋‍👨🏻: you. you're my biggest opp.
😠😡🤬
you: but you love me sm 🥰
riri 👩🏻‍❤️‍💋‍👨🏻: unfortunately
you: okay bitch kys
🖕
you: then i’ll also kms and fall down a ditch 😠!!
riri 👩🏻‍❤️‍💋‍👨🏻: i'm your bitch 😍☺️😊😇😇😇😇
. ✦ · .
⠀⠀ ⠀⠀˚ ⊹ ˚
⠀⠀ ⊹
you: i want you soooo bad you're such a cutie pie ☺️☺️☺️ like why are you soooo sooo cute i'm actually gonna go insane and rip all of my hair out until i'm bald
riri 👩🏻‍❤️‍💋‍👨🏻: omg ur gonna twin with megamind!! 😻
you: are u saying saying i have a big forehead…………. BLOCKED!
riri 👩🏻‍❤️‍💋‍👨🏻: NO NO NO THAT WAS A BAD COMPARISON
riri 👩🏻‍❤️‍💋‍👨🏻: BABY DONT GO ILY ILL SHAVE MY HEAD OFF TO MATCH YOI DONT LEAVE 😢😢😢😢😣😣😣😔
you: ilysm ur so silly
riri 👩🏻‍❤️‍💋‍👨🏻: ilym
❤️
riri 👩🏻‍❤️‍💋‍👨🏻: wanna interlock pinky toes ???? 🤩 [foot picture]
you: …
you: you're insane.
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awlumii · 2 years
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after tugging at my hair for like ten minutes earlier today, i finally got my hair into a style!
...only for the wind to irreparably fuck it up. i'm back to looking like a blue and purple shaggy dog. 😐
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elliesluckycharm · 11 months
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don't text me, ex ellie williams one shot
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sinopse: you and ellie broke up due to her commitment issues and you've been non contact until she calls.
cw: lowercase intended, swearing and alcohol use and "drunk"? sex, semi public sex, not explicit if reader is fem or masc. use of nicknames like babe and my love.
wc: 2,9k
nsfw/smut: ellie bottoms. tit play (r receiving), clit stim and pinching (e receiving), fingering (e receiving), cum eating (r)... i think thats it?
a/n: okay uh im gonna kms bc this was meant for @breathinlove but alright.
you and ellie had broken up a few months ago. you have been no contact ever since, you blocked her everywhere except her number. you told her not to contact you if she didn't need anything.
but she'd called today.
you were in bed with your best friend kamala, she noticed you suddenly sitting up.
“what?” she touches your shoulder as you look at the screen. “ellie? don't pick up, y/n” she looks at the phone over your shoulder.
“i told her to only contact me if she needs anything…” you sigh, but the phone stops ringing and you bite your lip as you look at kamala, worried expression.
“hey, if she actually needs anything she'll either call again or text.” she pats your shoulder and you nod.
ellie doesn't call again, but you get a text.
«sorry about that, hope ur okay»
“um, i guess she didn't mean to call.” you roll your eyes after texting her back with a «don't worry, hope ur okay 2», which she saw and reacted with hearts.
“girl, yes she did, she let that thing ring for ages.” kamala scoffed.
“whatever kami, let's just forget about that. she's literally with cat.”
“it's insane that she broke up with you because she ‘couldn't be in a relationship’ and ‘felt trapped’ and now she's with cat.”
“i know but well, she just couldn't be in our relationship i guess.” you chuckle and hug kamala. “why are we still talking about this shit…?”
and then you drop this subject, and it was true… ellie broke up with you along those lines. she had met you at your house and held your hand, kissed your forehead before leaving. now, she has been going out with cat. you hadn't completely moved on but what's over it's over, you didn't want any messiness.
weeks pass by, you usually see ellie at college, you both curl your lips in an awkward smile. you do it out of respect but it hurts to act like you were never close.
today wasn't any different, film class and you're sat at the back. she got in late, she sat down at the front. you noticed her and followed her with your eyes but you didn't expect her to look around to the back of the class.
you lock eyes and she stares a little before turning back, you feel uneasy. class passed by and you don't interact in any way and you decide to talk to her after class.
she gets ready to leave and you run down the classes stairs to catch her.
“ellie.” you call out reaching for her shoulder but she turns around to face you before you can.
her green eyes pierce through yours, you hadn't seen those freckles from so close in months. you blink a few times in a roll.
“um… yeah? sorry i called.” her voice is raspy and she looks awkward, as if you don't know each other.
“you let the phone ring.” you mumble, her eyebrows almost touch as she looks confused.
“yes? i'm sorry.” she takes a step back as you do the same.
“so you meant to call. it wasn't a mistake?” you ask, you sound calmer.
“yeah, i did… but i know i shouldn't have, you did the right thing by not picking up.” she looks at your lips for a second before you curl them up in a sympathetic smile.
“i was going to. thought you might have needed something.” you hold your own shoulder. “you okay?”
“no, yeah… i'm okay i was just… i don't know.” she rambles awkwardly and you chuckle. “are… you okay?”
it felt weird talking to her, but she was still the same. she toyed with her fingers nervously as she always did.
“yeah, i am.” you breathed out before straightening your back. “what did you wanna say?”
“that, i've… been” she chokes on her words, you examine ber face, letting her speak. “thinking ‘bout you.” now it's your turn to internally choke.
“you don't need to tell me that.” you bite your lip as you start walking down the starts and she does the same as everyone's leaving the classroom.
she lowers her head to face her feet as she thinks of what to say but all she says is “i know.” you turn to face her after you leave the classroom.
“i'll see you” you say, she nods and leaves as you walk towards the bathroom.
your eyes water as soon as you enter the bathroom, you let out the breath you had been involuntarily holding. you decided this meant no contact was as rough as her as on you, even worse since she decided to call you at 3pm on a random saturday. but it didn't mean anything other than that, it's hard not to talk to someone you used to talk all the time and you understood that.
when you're walking to your next class you see cat running towards ellie and jesse. she kisses both of their cheeks and you wave to them, mostly jesse, who gives you a sympathetic look and waves back. cat doesn't see you until ellie raises her hand, cat waves at you then.
you and cat were neighbors during all your childhood, she was really nice, artistic, down to earth but still had a bubbly personality. you honestly liked her, which hurt.
kamala had texted you about this party next saturday at dina's, her cousin who ‘happened’ to be jesse's long term girlfriend and ellie's best friend. you, dina and kamala had been friends since the start of college and your breakup with ellie wouldn't change that.
ellie would obviously be there, so you decided to give it more than one thought. you didn't want to see her if it made you feel so small, but you couldn't stop doing what you usually do just to avoid her.
so you decided to go. you hadn't talked to dina that much about ellie to be honest, you didn't want this to become something where people had sides to take.
you and kamala go to the party a little later than supposed, the party was already crowded. you find dina and walk up to her to hug her.
“hey dina! nice party.” you hug her excitedly and she chuckles as she pats your back.
“it's a generic one, thanks though baby” she looks at you up and down as you back away. “you look good, girl.”
“you look hot, dee.” you smile wide and she gives you a gentle push towards her drink table. “go grab a drink, you too kamala!” she calls her cousin out.
kamala starts grabbing a drink but your eyes land on ellie, who was at the corner of the room. she saw you and stepped away from the wall she was leaning on.
“is ellie here with cat?” you ask dina as ellie walks up to you. dina nods no. “really?”
“yeah, they went out a few times but ellie said they were better off as friends…its been a while already” she shrugs.
“i see.” you tense up as ellie gets closer. “hey ellie.”
“what's up?” she smiles as she nodded at dina.
“nothing…” you shrug, your lower lip between your teeth and she clicks her tongue, staring you down.
“yeah umm, can we… maybe talk? i mean, i will text you?” she asks in a lower tone, you look around for nothing.
“sure, we can. what about?” dina had leave your side, and you were left alone with her and some strangers next to the wall.
“me. i miss you.” she breathes out and you squint your eyes. “i do. can we please talk?”
“didn't you feel trapped with me? in our relationship?” you scratch your forearm. she takes your hand off it and you look up at her.
“no, i felt trapped but it wasn't you who trapped me. you never limited me. i just wanted to get out a bit, try new things maybe.” you scoff and snap your hand from hers.
“you needed a break from me? to try out new things? like what…? cat?” you sound annoyed by all this now and she's quick to argue.
“no…no, y/n. i thought i did but… i still miss you alright? and cat… i thought could move on to something but i didn't”
“ellie, i'm sorry but… you can still move on. i'm… sorry it didn't work out with cat? but that has nothing to do with me.” you try to call down as she gulps and looks to the side.
“i'm sorry.” she mutters, she sounds embarrassed but she nods. “you're right. i can move on, i don't want to.”
“ellie, this is not the place for this but… yeah we can talk, i can text you.” you sigh and she nods.
“alright, text me when you can.” you nod and leave to find kamala.
you tell her about it and she says ellie is embarrassing herself and you can only say you feel bad but also annoyed by this behavior. you see ellie a few times during the party and you just smile at each other.
you definitely still love ellie, you do wish you had never broken up but it was her who did this and you didn't feel like you could get back together just like that. you'd let her say what she had to say, you respected her, but you didn't think this would end up in rekindling things.
you were dancing with kamala, a little drunk already, when you felt a little hot. you went into the kitchen to grab water. ellie was there, her hand on her forehead.
“hey…” she looks up, recognizing your shoes. she looked a little drunk herself, cheeks flushed. “are you okay?” she saw you stumble.
“yeah i'm fine actually, i have been drinking though, came for a water bottle.” you chuckle and she nods a little as she holds her own head. “who's driving you home?”
“ugh… actually… no one” she chuckles back and shoot her an worried look. “hey, don't worry i'll wait until i sober up a little, i know it was dumb but it's okay.”
“yeah… you better… drink some water maybe.” you walk up to her with another water bottle, she takes it and mumbles a ‘thank you’.
“i feel like the floor's kinda moving.” she looks up to you now.
“you're just light headed. and a lightweight.” you chuckle as you get closer to her.
“yeah right…” she laughs and looks at your lips as you get closer. “you smell nice.” she takes a huge sip out the water and grabs your hand pulling you closer, you let her.
“thank you, you look real good.” your drunken self speaks and she leans on your shoulder, you feel her breath against your neck, making your breath heavier.
“you've such pretty lips.” she mumbles as she lifts her head back up and her lips ghosts against yours. she holds you closer as you hold her arms.
your alcohol breaths fan eachother's lips and faces, you hands fall on her torso and she grabs your hips.
“i wanna kiss you.” you drop your face on the crook of her neck and you sigh. she puts her water bottle down on the marble you were both leaned against only to cup your face, making you face her again.
“you know i'll kiss you back.” and you kiss her, liquor tasting kiss as your tongue pass through her lips.
she moans when you do, holding you so close your leg ends in the middle of hers. you're now running your hand up and down her torso and hip. her arms wrapped around you.
“needed this.” she groans and your grab her hair tightly.
“i need you.” you reply, kissing her deeply. she moans again, her hand finds your thigh and she lifts it.
“have me” she whispers in your ear. she's thrusting her hips as he holds your leg up by your thigh.
you make out feverishly, kisses your neck and you start panting and she grins against your neck. you felt your panties damp.
“bathroom?” you suggest as she starts shamelessly grinding her clothed pussy on your thigh. she nods frantically mumbling ‘please's as she lets go of your thigh and grabs your hand.
she pushes your body with her own, grabbing your waist to turn you around, her crotch against your ass as she walks you to the bathroom.
“don't trip, babe.” she jokes and kisses your neck.
“make sure you don't either, my love.” you giggle and now she's next to you. you look at eachother.
her cheeks are flushed pink and you smile at her, she opens the bathroom door and you get in. she kisses you now, grabbing your ass.
“i want you so bad, y/n. please.” she kisses your neck and you push her back. “what?”
“block the door.” you kiss her as her back hits the door, her hand is running up and down your back and around your hips. “missed you so fucking much.” you nibble her neck and she moans.
“i missed you, this. i need you right now” her hands go up your shirt and she sounds needy as fuck, grinding poorly on your hips. your hands find her stomach. “it's been too fucking long.”
you can feel your clit throb as she talks to you. you suck her earlobe and she grinds even more.
“so eager…” she pinches your nipple when you tease her, you whine out and she kisses you again.
“take this off, babe.” she says, tugging your shirt and you do what she tells you to. she goes in on your tits immediately. “yeah? you like that?” she asks as she nibbles the skin before sucking your nipple.
you moan and whimper holding her hair, she only stops when she feels your fingers tugging her belt.
“let me touch you.” you ask, she quickly unlatches her belt and you unzip her pants.
“i can't do this anymore…” she tilts her head back and you give her what she wants, tugging her jeans down.
you cup her pussy over her boxers and she moans, head hitting your shoulder.
“wet and warm, huh?” you whisper and she starts kissing you again. groping your tits with one hand and the other on your back.
your fingers ghost her slit, but you start caressing her inner thigh and hips, opening her legs. she grunts and starts trying to grind her pussy on your hand, which makes you press her hips against the door.
“stay still, now, alright? i'll get to it… promise.” you mumble, enjoying her body and how eager she was.
she nods, now grabbing your ass and thighs. you kiss her cheek and tug her panties to the side
“good girl” she grunts when your fingers run over her sticky slit. she was soaked in her slick.
you tease her clit and entrance with your fingertips, she moans and tried to grind against you.
“fuck, be quick with it.” she grunts and you frown. “please.” you slide two fingers into her pussy when she pleads. she gasps and grips your hair, taking your lips in a sloppy kiss.
she grinds her clit against your hand as you thrust your fingers in and out at the perfect pace she never stopped thinking about.
“more.” she moans between kisses.
“more what?” you start rubbing her clit with your other hand. “this?” she moans and nods.
“yeah… thanks.” you chuckle as she thanks you, kissing her neck again.
you look up at her eyes closed and cheeks flushed pink, her hands moving from your back to your shoulders. you speed up as you look at her.
you get the vision you wanted, her closed eyes squint, broken pants leave her open lips… you moan at the sight and the feeling of her wet pussy clenching around your fingers and her legs shaking, threatening to close around your hand.
“oh… you feel so good ellie, fuck.” you pinch her clit and she moans louder “yeah, keep those legs open for me.”
she cries out as she nods, her pussy clenching hard when you moan seeing her cry.
“please i'm so close.” she grunts through gritted teeth. “don't stop.”
“relax, you're so tight…” her stomach tenses and she relaxes and you reach deeper. “god…” you moan.
she moans non stop and her legs shake even more as she cums all over your fingers. you fuck her slowly as she comes down from her orgasm, hand leaving her clit.
you're both panting and she holds you by your back as you take your fingers out of her pussy only to look down and see her creamy cum on your fingertips and around her entrance. your pussy throbs at the sight.
you weakly get on your knees, sucking her cum off your fingers to lick the cum on her pussy. she grips your shoulders.
“you're so good to me.” she mumbles as you get up, tugging her boxers and pants up.
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goldfades · 5 months
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𝐁𝐄𝐒𝐓 𝐌𝐄𝐃𝐈𝐂𝐈𝐍𝐄 𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐑𝐄 𝐈𝐒 ─ KM²⁰
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౨ৎ ─ summary | REQUESTED: "Okay there's a criminally low amount of Kate martin fics like that's literally my wife 😞 buttt my idea is Kate x reader where reader plays another sport at Iowa and gets injured at a game and Kate is js there with reader and takes care of her after the diagnosis. I js reinjured my knee for the 4th time and would love sum like that 😭🙏"
─ word count | 886
─ warnings | cute teasing/banter, mentions of injuries (duh), pretty much nothing but sweet, tooth-rotting fluff!
─ taglist | my wcbb taglist is in my bio! fill it out to be tagged:)
─ ev's notes | hope you heal your knee, nonnie! hope this fic made you feel better:) MY FIRST WCBB REQUEST!!!!!!! i'm so happy, please send in moreeeee! also so happy it's for kate my love, she is so nucnuncexijizjiuncru. anyways, enjoy!!!!!!!!
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"I'M FINE, REALLY." YOU TRIED TO pry Kate's hands off your hips as she led you into your dorm.
You couldn't help but laugh at Kate's concerned expression. You'd just twisted your ankle and could barely walk. You were on strict instructions from the doctor to stay off the ground and most importantly, stay off the field.
And knowing Kate, she would make sure that you followed those orders because you didn't, you'd get hurt again. You were stubborn and she knew that, but she was equally as stubborn when it came to taking care of you. She cared about you deeply, and sometimes her worry could be a bit overwhelming, but you knew it came from a place of love and genuine concern for your well-being.
As she helped you settle onto your bed, you couldn't help but appreciate her persistence even if she was a little overbearing.
Despite your protests, Kate insisted on fetching ice packs and pillows to elevate your injured ankle. She hovered around you, fussing over every detail, making sure you were as comfortable as possible.
With a sigh, you finally relented, accepting her help and allowing yourself to relax. You knew that with Kate by your side, you'd recover in no time. Plus, having her around made the whole situation a lot more bearable.
As she sat beside you, you couldn't help but smile at her, grateful for her support. "Thanks, Kate," you said softly.
She glanced back at you, a smile playing on her lips. "You don't have to thank me, that's what I'm here for. How's it feeling now?"
You shifted slightly, testing your ankle gingerly. "It still hurts a bit, but the ice is helping. And having you here definitely makes it better."
Kate let out a small laugh as she shook her head. "You're such a flirt, you know that?"
"Oh shush, you love it." You teased back, a smirk playing on your lips.
She rolled her eyes with a smile, but you could see the warmth in her gaze. "Yeah, yeah, I guess I do," she admitted, her tone teasing.
You leaned into your bed, trying to ignore the pain that was still lingering in your ankle. You couldn't believe this was your second injury this season ─ at this rate, you weren't gonna play for the rest of the season.
You yawned as you glanced at the clock in your room before snapping your head back to Kate. "Kate! You're gonna be late for practice, get up!"
Kate laughed a little as she shook her head. "I told them I'm not going."
You scoffed as you raised an eyebrow in disbelief. "You what? Since when do you skip practice?"
Kate shrugged nonchalantly. "Since my girlfriend decided to twist her ankle and needs me here to take care of her."
You couldn't help but smile at her words. "Kate, you don't have to do that. I'll be fine on my own."
She gave you a pointed look. "And you'll be even better with me here. Plus, me missing one practice won't kill me."
You chuckled, realizing that arguing with Kate was futile when she had made up her mind. "Alright, alright, you win. But only if you promise to make me some of your famous hot chocolate later."
Kate grinned. "Deal."
As you settled in with Kate by your side, you couldn't help but feel a wave of warmth wash over you. With her there, even the pain in your ankle seemed more bearable.
"Thanks, Kate," you said softly, squeezing her hand.
She smiled back at you, her eyes filled with reassurance. "Of course, that's what I'm here for."
She squeezed you in closer as your head fell on her shoulder. "I can't believe I'm not going to play in next week's game."
Kate knew that this was going to be hard for you, a twisted ankle wasn't going to heal as quickly as you wanted. Kate wrapped her arm around you as you leaned into her shoulder. "I know, it sucks," she said empathetically. "But your health comes first, always. And hey, you'll be back on the field before you know it, kicking ass like you always do."
You sighed, leaning into her warmth. "I just hate feeling so helpless, you know? I want to be out there with the team, not stuck in bed."
"They'd want you to recover. You can't help them by playing when you're injured and then getting more hurt ─ it won't do anything." Kate murmured, running her fingers through your hair soothingly. "You'll be back before you know it. And in the meantime, you've got me to keep you company."
You grinned, feeling a little lighter at her words. "You're right, I shouldn't worry too much."
She pressed a kiss to the top of your head as you leaned into her touch. "You shouldn't, I promise you will heal and be back in no time."
You nodded, taking comfort in her reassurance. "Thanks, Kate. I don't know what I'd do without you."
She smiled, her blues eyes soft with affection. "You'll never have to find out, because I'm not going anywhere."
You leaned in closer as Kate reached for the remote on this night stand. "Now enough with this sappy stuff, what do you feel like watching tonight?"
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↳ make sure to check out my navigation or masterlist if you enjoyed! any interaction is greatly appreciated !
↳ thank you for reading all the way through, as always ♡
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reeniecon · 6 months
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-levels of possessiveness-
Include malleus draconia, lilia vanrouge, rook hunt, kalim al asim and Jamil Viper
‼️⚠️ : gn!Reader,I haven't proof read it yet, mentions of chapter 7 npc's names on lilias part, might be come out as yandere tendencies than possessiveness...
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- kalim al asim -
• I know some of you gonna disagree with me, BUT HEAR ME OUT OKAY
• since he was a little kid he always get what he wanted right?
• why wouldn't get this one ?
• YOU GET THE IDEA RIGHT HEHEHEHE
• hm? Oh u want to go out by urself? No way hahahah, take jamil with you~ or u want me to accompany you?
• Ooooo waitt sweety dont do the chores :(( ur hand will get hurt by that, just let the maid do it for you okayy?? Oh you felt sorry for him?? For working alone? oh dont worry baba(father) will recuit the maids tmr hhe
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- jamil Viper -
• this one are not very surprising
• jamil didn't really get the chance to have something in life that really his on the first place
• so, when he finally did and someone are trying to take it away from him he get really possessive over it
• he can protect kalim all the time so... He faced by almost 0 problem trying to protect you
" Jamil.. What is that?? Can we get that? " You asked him
" I can make more healthier version of it at home, are you okay with that dear? " He speak " And uh...look, dear the cooking oil that there using, it's already black soo that mean they have been using it multiple time without changing it, I wouldn't want you to eat that not-very-healty oil I'm I?" He carefully explains to you
You can sigh to him " Okay... "
" Good, let's head back I'll make it for you" He smiled sweetly to you
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- lilia vanrouge -
• lmao do I need to explain??
• he is a fae
• and already lived a long life
• he knows the pain of losing people he loved dearly mallenoa.. Malleus mother and malleus father...
• so naturally he didn't want to get hurt by that feeling again of course.
• that's why he get very possessive of you
• if you're a long lived creature you might see him be not so possessive towards you because he knows he had a lot of time to spend with you.
• BUT, if you're a human... He *sigh* yeah you know the rest
" My dearie" Lilia calls for you
" Where have youve been?? " He added
" Oh, lilia I just got back from heartslabyul actually, just meet adeuce " You explain while giggling
" Hm, why lying my dear" He glares to you, while flying closer to you
" What.. No what do you mean Lilia! " You panic a little bit because what he just say to you
"Fufu.. My lovely dear... Don't lie to me okay? I know everything going on in your life " He say gently while He stroke your hair
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- malleus draconia -
• HE IS A DRAGON.
• dragon are KNOWN to be a possessive creature sooo what makes you think he is any different
• he probably lock u up somewhere if he want to lmao
• not only a normal dragon but he is a dragon with POWERS he is the crowns prince to the Briar valley soooo
• he basically can do whatever he wants lol
• good luck if you catches his eyes lmao he might never let you go until your funeral, keyword MIGHT
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- idia shroud -
• aaa this wired boy
• lacking basic human interaction and affection wwww
• in my eyes he would either be
• no please don't leave me boy or don't leave me or ill kms / destroy all of it
• WOULD STALK U, he probably hack into the campus CCTV just to check what are you doing currently
• asking ortho to follow you and assist you with everything you need
• would probably sends anonymous deaths threats to any guy who are flirting with you
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More of my fics
An : I'm kinda ashamed by this lol, but Ill post it anw, I'll add more in the future but this is it for now 😂😂😂
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polarisjisung · 2 days
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LOVE ON THE COURT | 20 ... WITH BENEFITS??
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SYNOPSIS | every college student has their struggles, but raising her younger brother has Y/N top of the list, struggling her way through college whilst balancing her academics and basketball captaincy is difficult no doubt and with Jaemin, her ex best friend and captain of the guys basketball team, and his growing one sided hatred towards her, it doesn't seem to be getting any easier
WARNINGS | swearing, sexual innuendos, kys/kms jokes, y/n has daddy issues for the sake of the plot
NOTES | I have no idea why this update took me so long to post I'm so sorry 😭 I don't like making chapters like this too sad (don't worry there's still gonna be some angsty chapters) but I don't want the written stuff on its own bcs that feels too espresso depresso or wtv the phrase is so this is a bit of a longer chap than usual.. anyways if ever you feel bad for y/n, don't worry you're gonna feel worse
19:21, dinner the night before
Y/n shuffles in her seat.
Jaemin greets her with a smile, and though she offers one back, that sinking feeling in her stomach doesn't seem to settle.
Suddenly now that she finds herself face to face with her once best friend, no menus in hand since they'd already given their orders, no way to avoid conversation for just a couple seconds longer, Y/n finds herself at a loss for words.
What was anyone supposed to say in this situation?
Sure a thank you would be ideal, considering Jaemin had somehow managed the impossible, but the words escaped her. Like they rested at the tip of her tongue but she lacked the drive to speak them.
It's not that y/n wasn't grateful, no, she wouldn't be here if she wasn't, in fact she didn't know what it was, what confused her so deeply that she sat there silently. Her thumbs twiddling against one another, as she stared down at the table in front of her.
There was a nagging whisper in her mind, one that cast shadows over her once clear thoughts, leaving her in that haze of uncertainty that she recognised all too well. Recently it was all she could feel around the captain.
Something about this situation in particular makes her palms sweaty and the hairs stand on her neck, every glance at Jaemin feeling like a shadow of what had once been, a reminder of how it had all been lost.
Even just sitting opposite Jaemin isn't simple.
Not at all.
It's like sitting across from a mirror that once reflected shared laughter and secrets, now distorted by fractures of lost trust and unspoken words. She supposed that was the thing about mirrors and shattering. No matter how hard you tried to glue the pieces back together, it would never quite be the same.
Perhaps that's why y/n is lousy in her attempts, grateful to Jaemin but unbothered to express it. The thought that no matter how desperately she hoped, this couldn't be restored. That there was no point in pouring energy into a friendship that would never be resolved.
"So" it's undoubtedly jaemin who breaks the silence, a soft tone to his voice, not quite as gentle as the other night but still warm "are you feeling better? like really okay?"
For a moment she wonders whether she'll break at the sound of his voice like she always had. Would she go back to that point in life where it was so easy to lie, so easy to say she was okay, so easy to pretend, in front of everyone else but never in front of him.
"I'm fine, honestly." She lies.
There's a shy sheepish smile that creeps across her lips and slightly accents her words
Jaemin hasn't seen much of her positivity be directed his way, and seeing this ignites the little hope in him that they could move on from this, from everything.
"You didn't have to work on it without me you know, it was just as much my project as it was yours and you putting in all the effort isn't fair on you."
"You did most of the preliminary stuff anyways, and I really didn't want to ask you because of the other night" Jaemin finally admits, though not willingly, his words extracted more so by her sharp stare and the cold atmosphere.
"Right..." Her attempts at changing the subject, clearly in vain— he really needed to stop asking about the other night. Y/n wasn't sure how much h longer she could hold back the tears, the looming feeling of inadequacy as a guardian still strong. She should have been more careful.
She knows its her turn to speak, opening her mouth to do so.
But again, y/n struggles.
The words play hide and seek in her mind, leaving her to grasp at empty. The atmosphere grows heavy with the weight of unspoken words. Her mind races, a jumble of what to say, thoughts of how easy conversation once was, how effortless it had been, all such a stark contrast to now.
Jaemin watches, a mix of intrigue and concern in his eyes as she contemplates in front of him, quiet but with an expression that spoke volumes.
The silence between them seems to bite louder than any conversation they once held, each dish in front, a reminder of the bitter aftertaste of a friendship turned cold.
"It's just Minjun and I" she breathes out, voice shaky, and Jaemin realises that those nervous cues in her slumped posture and shaking hands had never changed "It's just been the two of us for a while" she whispered. "That's why I was so scared"
Jaemin's hand hovers uncertainly beneath the table, unsure if the gesture would be welcomed or misunderstood, caught in the delicate balance of care and concern.
Admittedly, Jaemin catches himself slightly intrigued, still confused what could have lead to her practically perfectly family turning into this.
But he knows better than to let his curiosity get the best of him.
He wants to stop her, tell her that whatever it is that causes her brows to knit together and her pretty eyes to gloss over isn't something she needs to force herself to talk about, but he doesn't know how.
For a moment he's kicking himself under the table— how had he ever let go of the person who meant so much to him?
Even now, knowing everything she had done, he couldnt help but question why hadn't he tried to get past it then?
At the sight of her downcast features suddenly everything that he once despised her for seemed so trivial.
Jaemin sees himself, a younger, less mature version that stands on the court, hair matted to his forehead from the rain, a ball long forgotten somewhere behind him, cold, betrayed, and so painfully alone. Those burning tear stained cheeks, the harsh whistles of wind, the bitter feeling of failure still clinging to his skin, he remembers it all.
But every feeling he recalls so well, so vividly, is so easily dismissed when her eyes shine with a painful tint, red from the piercing tears that she holds in them.
"My dad" she cuts him off, gaze now avoidant as he grabbed her cold hands in his, "he walked out on us not long after ...whatever hapenned between you and me. He never came back, didn't answer a single call, not even a text, no form of communication except the papers he sent in the mail so I could become Junnie's legal guardian."
I missed you, she wanted to say. I needed you she'd liked to add.
"That's why it's just the two of us now" she said instead, trying to find more words to stop the tears from flowing, like her words were the only thing that could hold them back.
Back then, Y/n remembers vividly the feeling of wanting to fall, to sink, to drown but still somehow keeping her head above the surface to hold on and stay strong for her younger brother. She wondered if Jaemin had been there, would it have been easier? Would she have let herself fall, would she have someone to give her a hand, to pick her back up again and hold her hand through it all? Would things have ended differently?
"I'm sorry" his words weren't new, they weren't special, they were the same as what everybody else would say but the fact that they came from him, Na Jaemin who now stood by her side with his arms wrapped around her, was enough to dissolve the feeling of emptiness.
08:25 present time
Y/n looks over at Minjun, still deep in slumber, smiling before she steps out of the room.
There's way too many toys sprawled out across the living room floor, a blanket she finds herself folding as she subconsciously begins to clean up. Her eyes land on the kitchen counter, wondering what to make for breakfast. She was never particularly good at cooking, but she'd been learning for her brothers sake.
When she gets to the black jacket resting over the couch, it hits her. She catches sight of her puffy eyes in the mirror, and a hand runs through her hair hurriedly.
"Why the fuck did I tell him all of that" she let's out a frustrated sigh, running her hands across her face, "I'm supposed to hate him" she reminds herself, though her tone isn't convincing in the slightest.
"You don't hate him though" Heeseung's voice comes out muffled, the toothbrush between his lips making it difficult to understand his words.
He had been the one to stay over last night, her friends still taking turns to accompany Minjun and her every night since he'd walked out of the apartment, a gesture that made her heart swell. Although up until now she was pretty certain he was still asleep. Clearly not.
"I can't hate him" she sighs, falling back into the couch "is it bad I want to be friends with him again?" she asks, even though Heeseung had retreated to the bathroom to finish brushing his teeth.
Regardless he pokes his head out into the hallway, a sly smirk across his lips "with benefits?"
Y/n rolls her eyes.
He emerges again not long after, smiling from ear to ear "no y/n it's not bad if you want to be friends again" he takes a seat beside her "you can only fight your feelings for so long, let yourself be vulnerable, take the risk and try again" he says, hands resting on both his knees.
"and if you're feeling really risky, you can always—"
"shut up Heeseung" she smiles, lightly pushing against his arm "I guess it is worth a shot though"
"he's right next door anyways so sneaking around won't be hard at all"
"I meant being friends. Just friends." she stands up, walking over to the kitchen "you down for pancakes?"
He nods.
"You know it could be good though, he's hot, you're hot, there's enough tension to make things interesting and it ticks your not ready for a relationship box pretty well too"
Despite the pointed look the captain offers him, Heeseung doesn't let up, and secretly, she wouldn't have it any other way.
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