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watchtowerindistress · 2 years

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we are not our demons (15/24) - bruce wayne x batmom

Gif source: fear-o-phobia

Author’s note: I love writing for Ivy, honestly, she's such a tease and I'm here for it. Dick being all humorous and stuff just kinda happened. It's been a long time since I wrote from Bruce's POV, but somehow I'm surprised how I can write such an apathetic and emotional scene.

I hope I did Barbara justice. This is her story after all. Ellie getting another anxiety attack was definitely not scripted, it just happened.

Beta-read by Heidi.

Words: 4.2k

Warning: jealousy, angst, anxiety attack

Please reblog/leave a comment.

Series Masterlist | Want to be tagged? | Read on AO3

No, suicide is not the plan

Stand far

Even the stars are trapped inside

Oh my

There’s nothing left to hide

- Plastic Heart by Nostalghia/Tyler Bates -

Damian’s piercing stare was slowly starting to get to her. Ever since Bruce came back from his mission to apprehend a certain criminal, Dick and his father had been in an intense discussion while Ellie chose to turn her back towards both men. Stubbornly refusing to look at Bruce.

Strangely, there was a throbbing sensation originating from Damian’s intense staring eyes … and either from Dick or Bruce.

Ellie’s instinct told her it was the latter. And if that was the case, then she decided to remain in ignorant bliss.

Or stubbornly shrug off Bruce’s pleading gaze.

“Oh, I fucking applaud you for what you accomplished tonight. You got Harley Quinn apprehended!”

Ellie nibbled on her lower lip, staring at the updated patient file of a certain ‘Dr. Harleen Frances Quinzel’. The former psychiatrist had been put into solitary confinement upon her arrival—just the familiar procedure.

“Language,” Bruce grunted under his breath, reminding him of Damian’s presence.

“Oh, screw you, he’s heard far worse around here. Care to enlighten me why you didn’t take me with you?”

“You don’t understand—” Bruce started saying, but Dick seemed fed up with his excuses.

“You either want the Joker or you don’t. There is no middle ground. So, tell me, would you declare your mission in arresting the Joker a win?”

“Tonight’s mission was never about apprehending the Joker,” Bruce uttered that statement like a dropped bomb.

Finally, that caught Ellie’s attention. “What did you say?” she said and promptly turned around in her chair until she was gazing at Bruce for the first time since he had arrived.

Dick had his arms crossed and was facing his father in a confronting manner, his body was positioned sideways to her. Bruce was still in his Batsuit, although his cowl was ripped from his head. His hair was a mess and distracting enough, and that factor alone was mucking up her own thought process.

“Quinn and Joker together were two variables I couldn’t account for.”

Damian swayed his head, concurring with his strategy. “Divide and conquer.”

Bruce’s eyes met his son’s, fully realizing now that the youngest was still awake. “This way, we have one less unpredictable factor when the Joker—”

“Gets her out of Arkham,” Damian and Dick came to the same conclusion.

“Again, you mean,” Ellie added, her lips pursed, and her eyebrows rose high, trying to think Bruce’s scheme over. “Didn’t you guys try that before? Remember, it was almost a month ago when the Joker broke his girlfriend out.” Ellie put her hands on her hips. “What makes you think this time will be different?”

“Because this time we’ll be waiting for him.”

Ellie sighed deeply. This was starting to sound like the definition of insanity to her. She couldn’t help but remain cautious after every setback they encountered. She lifted herself up from her chair and pressed against the spot between her eyebrows.

“Hey,” Bruce whispered, as he carefully stepped towards her, not an ounce bothered about their company witnessing their intimate conversation. His warm breath was softly caressing Ellie’s cheeks, Bruce didn’t know the words ‘keep your distance’ it seemed, when he was standing so close that she had to look up to meet his eyes. “It’s going to be alright; I promise. We’ll get him, just be patient.”

Ellie barely felt his hand touching her shoulder—she could only sense warmth seeping through her skin. Nervously licking her lips, Ellie inquired, “Promise?”

“Yes, I promise,” Bruce murmured almost inaudibly, leaning forward like he was compelled.

“Mom? Dad? Should we leave you alone? You know, give you guys some alone time?”

Dick’s question felt like a jolt to the system, making Ellie jump back. Despite her blushing cheeks, she chuckled, while Bruce rolled his eyes with a tortured groan.

“Sometimes I regret having kids,” Bruce admitted with a low grunt.

Ellie let a crooked smirk slip. “No, you don’t.”

“I’m going to ignore you said that, Dad,” Dick conceded, his humor seeming to make a reprise after all.

Bruce turned his head until his glare was focusing on Dick. “Trust me, this time it’s not even directed at Damian.”

Despite the teasing words, Ellie poked her elbow into his side. Even if the kid could endure the affront due to his upbringing, Ellie had a soft spot for him and couldn’t stand for him to be treated like this—even if it wasn’t meant in a serious manner.

Ellie’s vigorous effort induced Bruce to press his lips together when the corners of his mouth tilted upwards at her antics.

Damian chose this moment to smirk arrogantly at Dick. “See, I’m an angel.”

Bruce spoke up, “We’ve got to talk about your sleeping patterns, Damian. It’s ten in the evening, you know.”

Damian rolled his eyes, revealing his annoyance. “But it’s Friday, father.”

His justification made Bruce narrow his eyes before replying after a beat, “Good for you.”

Ellie cleared her throat, mindful to keep some distance between them when she folded her arms. “If you want, you can change into something different.” She continued when she saw his bemused expression, “Didn’t you say you wanted to talk to Babs? Only if you still—”

“Right. I’ll see if she’s still awake,” Bruce thought out loud to himself. His probing gaze met Dick for a few seconds before he thought better of it and met Ellie’s eyes instead. “Can you see to it that these two don’t get into trouble and go to bed soon?”

Ellie shrugged lightly. “Looks like we’re both under pressure then, huh?”

Bruce chuckled under his breath. “Seems like it,” he answered before he sauntered away to get changed out of the Kevlar suit.

As soon as Bruce’s stature was no longer in the heart of the lair, Ellie turned her body smoothly around and spread her arms at her side. “It looks like I got the keys to the castle.”

Dick smirked teasingly. “Yeah, very funny. I don’t get how I suddenly lost the grown-up status. I mean, I can be responsible.”

Damian merely hummed and turned his body away, ignoring that statement altogether.

“Oh, now you don’t talk, huh?” His voice shifted into a mumbling monologue. “Kid’s got an opinion about everything.”

Dick’s attention focused on something else instead when his blue eyes met hers. “Great work, by the way.”

Ellie’s eyebrows creased in bafflement and a questioning hum left her lips. “Hmm?”

“Great use of radio lingo. Proud of you. You have a future … in the control room, or something.”

A warm sensation grew in her stomach at the sentiment before Ellie smiled gratefully. “Thanks, I appreciate it, Dick. You’d recruit me in the force?” At that last sentence, her clenched fist lightly bumped his upper arm.

“Anytime. I mean, as soon as Bruce would ever let you go, now that he had a taste of your technical expertise.”

Ellie rolled her eyes, despite the warmth rushing to her face from Dick’s heartfelt but playful compliment. She trusted his judgment and believed him to know his father to the core.

“Har-har, stop boosting my ego before it bursts.”

“Gotta get in line first,” Dick announced and pointed his thumb behind him at Damian.

Without glancing behind him, almost like his senses were of supernatural nature, Damian retaliated, “You’re hilarious, Grayson.”

“Do you think they would write that on my tombstone?” Dick tapped his finger against his chin, seriously considering that idea. “‘Here lies Richard Grayson. He was hilarious to his death.’ That’s kind of neat, right?”

The vibrating ringtone of her phone pulled her out of this stimulating conversation when she took it out of the pocket of her pants. The unknown caller ID let bewilderment rise in her chest.

“You’re an idiot,” was Damian’s displeased rebuttal.

“Or you mean an unappreciated genius, huh?” Dick retorted, but on a quieter level once he saw Ellie push that green button on her display, accepting the call.

Ellie narrowed her eyes and stayed quiet when she put her phone call on speakerphone. Only silence and quiet breathing met her ears.

Talk about creepy.

Her eyes flitted around in mounting suspicion before they met Dick and Damian.

“You know, you’re being really rude,” a sultry voice echoed in the lair.

Ellie rolled her eyes once she identified the speaker. “How did you get this number, Ivy?”

Having heard of this for the first time, Dick raised his eyebrows while Damian folded his arms, mild curiosity shining in his chocolate eyes.

“Oh, sweet human, you told me your name, of course. I told you we should keep in touch.”

Ellie remained wary, shaking her head. “Yeah, that still doesn’t answer my question.”

“My plants have their ways,” Ivy divulged ominously.

Ellie’s features contorted into a grimace. “Okay. I don’t really want to know all the specifics now that I think about it. To what do I owe the pleasure of your call?”

All so slowly and carefully, Dick shifted over to his younger brother, like Damian’s presence would grant him a dose of comprehension.

“Is Ellie talking to … Poison Ivy?” Dick whispered cautiously and maybe even a bit distraught.

Damian merely hummed in affirmation.

‘What the hell?’ he mouthed with a dumbstruck expression.

“So, my beloved babies told me that a certain nocturnal animal sent Harls to Arkham,” Ivy hinted with a lascivious voice.

Ellie shrugged her shoulders. “What can I say? It’s a weird city. Bats have extraordinary abilities.”

“Hmm, you work fast. You certainly held your end of the bargain. I enjoy doing business with you, Rhodes.”

Furrowing her eyebrows, Ellie spoke slowly, “Back at you.”

Ivy’s giggle was sinister all on its own. “Until next time, sweet human,” her trilling voice reverberated in the cave before she hung up.

Pure uncertainty was still clear on her face when her phone remained aloft in her hand. “Weird plant lady.”

“Judging by that enlightening conversation,” Dick spoke warily and still felt numb from this new-found revelation. “I’d say that you made a bargain with Poison Ivy, huh?”

Her eyes slowly gazed up at him, unsure of where he was going with this.

Before Ellie could confirm or deny it, Dick continued, “How did you seal the deal, huh?” His eyes were twinkling dangerously, and then he puckered his lips in a crude gesture.

It only made her features twist into an appalled grimace. “Get your mind out of the gutter, Dick Grayson.”

Meanwhile

~ Bruce POV ~

“Are you going to keep staring at me or are you actually going to speak words in the meantime?”

Barbara’s jaded voice drew a forced smile on his face. Bruce let out a sigh, if anything, he didn’t even want to have such an agonizing talk with his year-long friend. As Batman, he could deal with delicate situations when he was required to speak with traumatized people, but he never would’ve imagined that his friend would ever have to suffer like that. And Bruce already felt enough of a failure for not knowing the words to ease Barbara’s anxieties.

Bruce intertwined his hands together, feeling his fingers tense nervously, as much as he tried not to let it show. It was hard not to yield to those twitching habits he had slowly developed over the last few months. As a kid, it was difficult to get over those, but they seemed to have returned in a subtle manner.

“I’m not good at this,” he admitted, with his head turned away.

Barbara raised her eyebrows, not interested in holding back. “At what? Talking?”

Bruce was finally looking into her eyes when he leaned forward in the chair by her bedside. “Yes.”

“Well, I’m touched. You only needed—it’s been what? — almost two weeks to initiate a conversation with me. That’s kind of weird. I mean, how long have we known each other?”

Bruce blinked slowly, feeling his stomach clench when nostalgia suddenly hit him.

“Since you were a teenager.”

Barbara nodded, gazing at him with an apathetic expression. “Long time.”

Bruce exhaled loudly, leaning back in his chair. “Yes, you’re right.”

“Kinda strange how people like my ex-boyfriend and Ellie, a person I’ve known for less than a year, visited me from time to time. Tim wasn’t much of a talker, but I didn’t mind. It makes me feel like you could shove me off towards Alfred to get me out of the way anytime you felt like it.”

Barbara found the right words to shoot him right in the chest and make his eyes glisten with emotional despair. Burning shame was blossoming deep in his stomach.

“I wish I had the ability to express how sorry I am that you got hurt—”

“I’m not blaming you, Bruce,” Barbara assured him, shaking her head at the suggestion of putting the blame on him. Her hair was brushing against her shirt with her vigor. “And I’m not blaming Dick. All I see is that—” Barbara shielded her face with her hands, pressing the balls of her thumbs against her closed eyelids. Her voice sounded thick when she continued, “I can’t sleep, Bruce. All I see is the damn Joker. He’s the only one I can blame for this.” Barbara uncovered her face and revealed her shining lilac eyes. “Unfortunately, something like him does not feel emotions like remorse or guilt.”

Understanding shone in his dejected eyes. “Yes, probably.”

Barbara’s eyes seemed dull and were lacking their usual strength. “I’m tired, Bruce,” she whispered desolately.

Bruce nodded his head, for the first time showing her what he was feeling with the candid expression on his face and not shying away that Barbara would be able to see everything.

“Yes, me too.”

~ Ellie POV ~

As soon as Ellie had sent Dick on his way to accompany Damian over to his bedroom, she had changed into PJ shorts and a tank top and covered her shoulders with a cardigan that reached over her knees.

Just to let the day fade away, Ellie was making herself a cup of tea, just something calming for the rest of the night.

Her back was turned to the corridor where Bruce’s familiar steps were coming from. Feeling curious, Ellie shifted her body until she was facing him sideways, watching him trudge with a cumbersome walk. Like he was carrying the burden of the world.

“How was it?”

“Ask me that again later,” Bruce grumbled pitifully, looking far too tired for her to hold tonight or her disgruntled feelings against him.

Ellie smiled awkwardly and lifted her cup a few inches off the counter. “Chamomile tea?”

“Is that your and Alfred’s remedy for everything?”

Ellie shrugged. “It does have its perks,” she acquiesced, just when the first tendrils of steam rose above the kettle.

“Fine. Can’t have hard liquor every night,” Bruce sighed regretfully.

“Oh, you poor thing.” She briefly squeezed his biceps before she turned to her next task. Ellie was smiling fondly as she took a second cup, saucer, and another teabag from the cupboard, and poured boiling water into two mugs. She carried both over to the kitchen island and took a seat on the bar stool.

“The boys in bed already?” Bruce’s head swiveled around, like his senses would be able to detect where Dick and Damian were. Or more specifically if they were up to some mischief.

“Yep.” Something else caught her mind when she slid from her chair to saunter over to the counter by the wall and brought the small pot of sugar with her. Stirring a spoonful of sweetener into her tea, Ellie sent a furtive glance to her right.

“Dick okay?” Bruce grumbled, holding his chin up by his clenched fist. Keeping himself awake through sheer will and stubbornness. And reminding her too much of his youngest son.

“He’s a big boy. Despite proving differently sometimes. He can handle himself. Dick’s just … frustrated, like all of us are.”

Bruce nodded in understanding, but his weary features made her ache for his troubles. He slowly turned his head until his brown eyes settled on her. “And what about you?”

“Me?” The warmth of her mug was a welcome contrast to her nervously beating heart as her fingers brushed against the porcelain, awakening her senses. “What about me?”

“Because of tonight…” Bruce’s hands spread on the surface.

Ellie narrowed her eyes, with speculation lighting up in them. “It has been a long night, so you’re gonna have to be more specific, Bruce,” she spoke candidly, maybe she liked to torture him just a little.

Licking his lips, Bruce shook his head with the corners of his mouth twitching. “You’re really not making this easy, huh?” His calm, assessing eyes were staring back at her. “You’re not mad that I didn’t disclose tonight’s true strategy to you?”

Ellie shrugged, tilting her head. “To be honest, I’m not. I can’t deny that your tactic has proven effective before. I mean, I see the results you’re accomplishing. I don’t know if the others will see it that way, though. Not only that, but I don’t want them to resent you. In the end, unless it’s some sort of poker face strategy, it could be a beneficial thing to be open with your team.”

As soon as she spoke her thoughts out loud, she swallowed. “Just pinch me if I’m stepping out of line.” Ellie took a satisfying gulp of chamomile that soothed her dry throat.

Bruce snorted. “I can only repeat myself; you’re starting to sound a lot like Alfred.”

Ellie pressed her lips together, trying to comprehend what he was saying. “Is that a bad thing?”

“Not necessarily, no.”

“Are you sure your plan is going to work?”

“It’s worth a try, and yes.”

“Alright.” Ellie held her head up with the inside of her palm. “I just don’t want us to get back to square one.”

“Yes, I know. I don’t like that idea either.” Bruce smiled dejectedly before he cautiously brought his cup to his lips, almost downing half of it down his throat. He didn’t even look fazed in the slightest by the heat.

Witnessing that made Ellie raise her eyebrows. “You really are so much like your son, Dick, huh?” She continued at Bruce’s intrigued expression. “No sugar, scorching hot.”

Huffing a breath, Bruce nodded. “Could be true.”

At the mention of Dick, something else crossed her mind. “By the way, we need to talk about something else.”

“Which is?” Bruce said, taking another sip.

“When do I get a codename?”

Startled shock was evident in his raised eyebrows. “You want a codename?”

“Yes, unless you want to call me ‘Bat-Lair’—”

“I’m not calling you ‘Bat-Lair’,” Bruce scoffed with a disapproving sneer.

“See? It’s important to clear that before, you know, in the heat of the moment, you call me something else. This way, I’d be part of the team,” Ellie announced proudly, tilting her head back with a secretive smile.

“How long do you actually intend to stay?” The corners of Bruce’s mouth twitched teasingly.

“Not up for debate, Bruce.” She refused to go down that route. In the end, this was only supposed to be temporary.

“Fine. Take your time and then get back to me once you’ve made your choice for your alias. But don’t expect me to call you ‘Lady Pumpkin Patch’, alright?”

“Perfect.”

A smirk was still on her lips when Bruce exhaled, “Happy now?”

“Immensely.” Ellie pursed her lips, noting the wrinkles around the corner of his eyes. “How was that conversation with Babs?”

He hummed under his breath, a sound that bordered on a murmuring noise. “Long overdue,” Bruce acknowledged with a fatigued, raspy voice. “I doubt I could find the right words to get through to her. To soothe her worries, to invigorate her mental health. Barbara might need some real help.”

“Yes.” Ellie’s brown eyes were downcast at the yellowish tint in the dimmed kitchen lighting before she took another pacifying sip while gazing at him. “But it has to come from her. It must be hard with these sessions of physical therapy and being cooped up all the time. And I don’t know what else is bothering her.”

Bruce hummed under his breath, nodding weakly.

Ellie licked her top lip when something else crossed her mind. A dangerous glint was twinkling in her eyes. “So, how was it?”

Skepticism grew in Bruce’s constricting eyes. “What exactly?”

Regardless of the teeny ache pooling in her stomach, Ellie pushed through. “That kiss with Harley Quinn couldn’t have been that memorable, after all.”

Hazelnut eyes darkened once she uttered that name before realization shone through. “Dashboard camera,” he cursed quietly when his head turned away in thought. Out of nowhere, a pleased glint crossed over his face. “Would you look at that? So, that’s why you behaved like that in the cave.”

Ellie rolled her eyes as heat rose in her cheeks. “I behaved like nothing in there. I was being professional tech support.”

Bruce pursed his lips in a daring manner. “Oh really? Professional tech support?”

“Yes.”

His eyebrows rose high, leaning forward until his breath was hitting her forehead. “You know, I think you were jealous.”

“Yeah, right.” Ellie rolled her eyes, like the notion would be so far out of her reach and so ridiculous to begin with. The warm sensation in the inside of her belly only grew uncomfortably with each inhaling breath. She downed the tea, barely even appreciating the taste when the cup clattered noisily on the saucer.

“There’s no shame in saying what you’re feeling, Ellie.”

“I bet you would love that, wouldn’t you?”

“Actually, yes, I would,” Bruce whispered quietly.

All the air left her lungs at his confession as she stood up on shaky legs. This was seriously hitting way too close to home. Ellie nervously rejected his idea with the shake of her head.

Well, great.

Her pulse chose this moment to throb aggressively in her temple while the root of a migraine was hitting her behind her eyelids. Her shaking hands were shielding her view from any external bright sources. There were none, but her mind tended to play tricks on her. “God, I can’t do this right now,” Ellie whined with a pained voice.

“Hey, what’s wrong, Ellie?” She could only hear Bruce walking towards her, cautious in his advancing steps.

Now where to begin that she had been having some weird anxiety episodes without making him worry too much.

“Nothing, I’m—” It was hard for her to contemplate while a numbing headache was pulsating from behind her eyes.

“Talk to me,” Bruce requested with an imploring voice.

“I can’t think when I’m like this.”

Ellie could feel the warmth of Bruce’s gaze on her, concerned about her well-being. “Does this happen frequently?” he whispered all quietly.

She used both hands to press against the bridge of her nose, trying to alleviate the pressure like this. Ellie took in a deep and calming breath. “Sometimes. Usually when I’m stressed.”

“Since when?” Bruce grunted with a dazed voice.

“Do we have to talk about this now?” With a wince, Ellie dropped her hands at her sides and peered at him with blinking eyes. Nausea was welling up inside her while she was desperate for some ounce of sleep. Hopefully, tomorrow would look different.

“No, you’re right,” Bruce whispered, a deep focus settling over his features. His hands brushed gingerly over her jaw, the touch felt fleeting and barely prickled against her skin. “When are we going to talk about that kiss, hmm?”

Ellie closed her eyes, willing herself to calm down before she was going to faint. “Now of all times you want to talk about it,” she muttered quietly.

“You didn’t seem like you wanted to talk about it.”

“Because you never initiated it.”

“Well, now I am,” Bruce breathed with a murmur. The air he exhaled felt like a secret he was willingly offering.

Ellie sighed, slowly opening her eyes again, feeling tired from the idea of having this conversation. “Bruce, this thing between us is complicated.”

It startled her how the warm pools of his eyes calmed her nervous heartbeat. “No, it’s laced with secrets. And I never lied to you.”

Ellie raised an eyebrow which prompted him to continue, “Nothing I said to you was in deceit. I only kept my … other life from you,” Bruce confessed with intense anguish.

“You know, that sounds a lot like semantics right now,” Ellie teased, wanting to relieve him of this burden for a change.

Bruce exhaled wearily, throwing his head back with a groan. “You’re—Goddammit. You love making this hard on me, don’t you?”

“What can I say? I love to torture you,” Ellie replied, stroking his sides intuitively and blinking rapidly to shield her sensitive eyes.

His brown eyes gazed deep into hers, concern filling them again. “Are you feeling better?”

Ellie swallowed deeply; some hydration might be in order. “Some. I think I just need to get a wink of sleep.”

His jaw clenched. Before he could argue more about their previous topic, Ellie elaborated, “We’ll talk about this tomorrow, alright?”

Bruce nodded, silently agreeing with her. “I’ll hold you to that. Let me follow you upstairs.”

“You don’t have to.” There was a reason why she didn’t want to burden anyone with her problems.

“I want to. Besides, you’re on my way.”

There wasn’t any fight in her left to resist his stubborn nature. At least, now Bruce knew one of her secrets she had been keeping from him.

That was the reason why Ellie nodded, consenting to his will.

Tagging: @mellowstatesmanhandsempath @ravenmoore14 @alwayshave-faith @ikranfuad @daydreaming-gemini @bluegalaxyprime @liadamerondjarin @steph21369 @andrewswifes-blog @yanna-banana @blackmagicwoman

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