#even those who have done research before writing (we love you for this! but it doesn’t actually give any good knowledge)

[youregonnabeokay-kid]

ADHD information for fanfic writers:

Diagnostic Process:

the diagnostic process is different in every country, but this is a basic overview

- an ADHD referral can come from any type of doctor, unlike referrals for other neurodivergences

- the wait list depends on where you live and how old you are. typically the younger you are, the shorter the wait

- ADHD has to be diagnosed by a psychiatrist or by a doctor who has taken a specialized course to be certified in diagnosing and handling ADHD

- most doctors will make you fill out a questionnaire about your mental health. these questionnaires involves sections about family history, personal history, and statements that you have to agree or disagree with

- a good psychiatrist won’t diagnose you with ADHD during your first visit. they will instead spend the first few visits getting to know you and the state of your mental health

- most people are assessed for depression when being assessed for ADHD. this is because depression can present itself in similar ways. if diagnosed with depression and open to medication, the psychiatrist will first prescribe antidepressants and see how those affect you before moving on with the ADHD assessment

Meds:

- most ADHD meds are taken in the morning since they normally wear off after 8-12 hours

- when meds wear off we go through what’s known as a “crash” or “medication rebound”

- ADHD crashes are pure hell which is why some people with ADHD choose to only take meds during the week or they do nothing on the weekend as a reset of sorts

- basically, when our meds wear off all of our symptoms come back at the same time and we get overstimulated to the point of exhaustion

- some people have smaller doses of their meds that they take at the beginning of the crash. this means they can prolong the crash by a couple hours

- for some people, the first time taking meds is hell. the change is very noticeable and abrupt. i wouldn’t stop talking because it was “too quiet” (it being my mind)

- your dosage is not based on body type or weight and just because you take a high dose in one drug doesn’t mean you take a high dose in all others (my ADHD meds are 10mg higher than the highest prescribed amount but my antipsychotics are .5mg lower than the lowest prescribed dose)

- vyvanse is most often prescribed to people with combo ADHD, ritalin to those with hyperactive ADHD (especially those with impulsivity issues), and adderall for inattentive (no, this is not something that is typically disclosed or well-known but if you’ve talked to enough people w/ ADHD you begin to see a pattern) other ADHD meds are available but less likely to be prescribed

- other meds are also taken into account when getting a prescription for ADHD. vyvanse is the most versatile and is usually the one prescribed if you’re on other medications

- ADHD meds are stimulants which means doctors will never give you refills (if they do, they could lose their license)

- since they’re stimulants, for the first year you have to go to the psychiatrist’s bi-weekly for the first few months, then monthly after that so they can see how you are doing

- ADHD meds are known for lowering sex drives and increasing hunger (sometimes the opposite may happen, as with most drugs, but these are most common)

- it takes about 1/2 hour to an hour for meds to kick in and many of us are able to tell the exact moment they start working

Other Substances:

- the neurons and chemicals in the body of an ADHD person are fucked. this means that many substances and medications have either no effect on us, or the opposite effect of what they are intended for

speaking from personal experience:

- caffeine makes me tired

- melatonin and other sleeping aids like dextromethorphan, which can be found in many cough syrups, make me hyper

- weed makes me feel lighter, but it never affects me more than that. i never get a “proper high” like other people (ie; i find no more joy or fascination in bright colours or moving objects than i usually do)

- while “sugar highs” in general are a myth, they’re real for people with ADHD! they stimulate our dopamine and opioid receptors which gives us a burst of energy

- additionally, people with ADHD are more likely to be addicted to illegal stimulants like cocaine because it calms them down (yup, you read that right. when someone with ADHD does cocaine their mind quiets and they mellow down instead of the usual hyper-active high that neurotypicals get)

Additional Information:

- we’re lacking some of the neurotransmitters in our brains so it takes us longer to process information, and we have “more” thoughts than neurotypicals since our additional thoughts aren’t processed out

- we get what’s called “executive dysfunction” or “ADHD paralysis” where we are physically unable to do things despite no real physical limitations (for non-ADHD folks: try putting your hand in fire. you’ll notice that you are either physically unable to or that your body somewhat restrains you from doing it. this is what executive dysfunction is like. for ADHD folks: do not try this since we’re also less likely to have self-preservation instincts)

- basically, i can sit for hours thinking about doing the dishes, screaming at myself in my head to just do them, but i’m still unable to

- we leave trails! we have so many thoughts going through our head that we forget them all the time, so when we get a thought like “i think the printer is low on paper, i should check” we abandon all tasks in favour of the new thought. however, the remains of those tasks stay where we left them, and thus, an ADHD trail is made

- we have both the worst and best memory of anyone you will ever meet. i might be able to tell you the exact outfit you wore on a specific day five years ago but i won’t remember what i ate for breakfast

- when we get bored, we get depressed. like, life is meaningless and i want to curl up in a ball and die depressed. sometimes we need someone to physically force us out of bed to get us out of our funk (and sometimes all it takes to get out of the funk is doing something fun which makes us feel ridiculous when we think about how depressed we were prior)

- since boredom is detrimental to us, we have to constantly be having fun which, in and of itself, is not fun. this is also why a lot of us end up doing shift work or working dangerous jobs

- we’re adrenaline junkies. this isn’t even a “most of us” situation, it’s all of us. the only difference is how we get that adrenaline. (some get it by jumping out of a plane, others get it by working on assignments in a time crunch)

- we’re social beings. even if we’re introverts, we thrive on social interactions. without them our dopamine plummets and we, once again, get depressed

- all silences are awkward to us. it doesn’t matter if you’re the person we’re most comfortable with in the world, silence is always awkward. or, more specifically, we feel like we need to fill it which is why we often ramble

obviously there’s far more to ADHD than just this and everything can change person by person but i hope this helps to gain a bit more of a general understanding on ADHD

[tinywitchgoblin]

Good, Bad

Hunter x fem!reader x Crosshair, use of she/her but no use of y/n

Summary: nasty smut with Crosshair and Hunter (plot? who’s she?)

Word count: 3.3k (oops)

Warnings: smut MINORS GTFO, threesome (mmf) NO CLONECEST, unprotected piv sex (wrap it up in real life y’all), mention/use of sex toys and handcuffs, lots of degradation, also lots of praise, honorifics (sir), use of safewords, Tech makes sex toys, edging, face fucking/riding, oral (m and f receiving), spanking, creampies, choking, overstimulation, I think that’s it??

a/n: I rb’d this post ⬇️ with these tags and got an anon ask to write the fic so here we are!!

a/n 2: this is my first time writing explicitly kink stuff, so if I messed anything big up, please let me know. I did some research, but there’s a possibility that I missed something

What you had with Hunter and Crosshair didn’t really have a label. It wasn’t quite friends with benefits, given that you were exclusive, but you weren’t quite dating, either. What wasn’t ambiguous, however, was that the sex was top-tier. The two of them had lots of experience, and they sure put it to good use. They took you individually, together, in the bedroom, in the closet, in the shower, you name it. This dynamic gave new meaning to the concept of “variety is the spice of life,” and tonight, things were gonna get spicy.

So that’s how you found yourself in your room with the guys, Hunter stood behind you rubbing your shoulders to ease the tension there while Crosshair got things prepared. He’d grabbed lube, a couple of toys, a waterproof blanket for the bed, some water bottles, a couple of toys, and some other supplies to use throughout the evening. 

“You sure you’re up for this mesh’la?” Hunter inquired, always intent on making sure you gave consent. One of his favorite things was asking for your consent enough times to the point where you’d beg for him to fuck you- and he loved every bit of it. 

“Yes, I’m ready,” you affirmed. 

“You remember the safeword system?” Crosshair questioned. 

“Yes, I remember,” you reassured. 

“Then say it back to us. We want to make sure everyone is on the same page, and that we keep you safe,” Hunter asserted. You turned around to look him in the eyes before responding, “Green means ‘keep going’, yellow means ‘slow down’ or ‘proceed with caution’, red means ‘pause’, and black means we’re done for the evening,” you recited. “And I’m green right now; all set to go.”

“Well done, mesh’la, I’m so proud of you,” Hunter murmured, nuzzling into your neck. “So good at being good.”

“There’s no way this little slut would forget the system,” Crosshair whispered from behind you, turning your face towards him before continuing, “We couldn’t fuck it out of her even if we tried. Little cockwhore needs to be filled, and she knows she needs the safewords in order to get what she wants.” 

You let out a little whimper- so that’s the chosen dynamic for tonight. Hunter fed your praise kink, while Crosshair took hold of your need to be degraded. You lovingly referred to it as the ‘good cock, bad cock’ routine. “So… what are things looking like for tonight?”

“You see those toys over there?” Hunter indicated over to the dresser where Crosshair’s little ‘assistants’ for the evening were displayed. “Crosshair is gonna use these on you, and you’re gonna follow his directions exactly. When you do, I get to reward you. Deal?” 

“If she’s good,” Crosshair corrected. “Sometimes the little slut can’t help but break the rules. And if that happens… no reward.”

“She’ll be good,” Hunter asserted. Turning to you, he asked, “Isn’t that right, mesh’la?”

“Yes sir, I’ll be good,” you assured. Hunter gave his brother a knowing look, to which Crosshair gave his usual scowl. 

“Get on the bed, little cumslut,” Crosshair demanded, to which you gave a quiet “yes, sir,”

Crosshair led you over to the bed, grabbing a pair of cuffs on the way. They’d been specially made by Tech for these sorts of situations. In fact, all of the toys on display were ones Tech had made. His were better than any you’d been able to find at a store or online, so they showed up pretty regularly during scenes that involved toys. Holding up the cuffs, he asked, “What color?”

“Green,” you replied, holding your wrists to the bed frame where you knew he’d ask you to put them.

“Good girl, knowing exactly what to do,” Hunter praised, laying down next to you and brushing a hand over your cheek. 

“You give her too much credit, she’s doing exactly what I fucking told her to,” Crosshair retorted. “Little bitch knows I expect nothing less. Isn’t that right, naughty girl?”

“Yes sir,” you responded, but that wasn’t enough.

“Yes sir, what?” Crosshair demanded. 

“Yes sir, I did what you told me to,” you repeated. Hunter decided to stay quiet for the moment, letting Crosshair do as he pleased. Crosshair got up and walked back over to the dresser, looking down at his options for how to proceed. He definitely wanted to use the wand at some point; you always looked so pitiful when edged for long enough, plus hearing you beg to be allowed to cum turned him on like nothing else. He also considered using the buttplug, but that wasn’t the highest thing on his list of priorities at the moment. Browsing over the other options, he grabbed the wand and the lube, figuring he could come back and reevaluate later. 

Meanwhile, Hunter had tilted your face towards him, kissing you gently. As he did so, one of his hands went from holding your face to massaging a breast, earning a moan, which he swallowed eagerly. Noticing that Crosshair was ready to continue, he pulled away, but stayed within arm’s reach to give you support. 

“Color?” Crosshair asked. 

“Green,” you gave, a bit more breathless than before. Hunter’s kisses always did that to you. 

“This is what I’m going to do to you. I’m going to use this wand on you, and you’re not allowed to come. If you do, I’m going to use the cane on you, and for each second of your orgasm, you will receive one hit to the ass. Repeat back to me what I said.”

“You’re going to use the wand on me and edge me. If I come, I get one hit to the ass with the cane for each second of my orgasm.”

Without another word, Crosshair settled between your legs, squirting a bit of lube onto his hands and the wand before turning it on. He dragged it up the inside of your left thigh, watching you squirm, desperately trying to get some sort of friction. Putting down the wand and grabbing your legs, Crosshair forced them open even more. “Keep your legs open, little slut. I’ve seen you do it before, don’t be lazy.”

“You can keep those pretty legs of yours open, right, baby?” Hunter chimed in, brushing a stray hair out of your face. 

“Yes, sirs,” you affirmed, focusing on keeping your legs open and ready as Crosshair kept teasing you with the toy. He would bring it closer to your aching cunt before moving it away. You knew he loved teasing you like this; you also knew he could take his sweet time when he wanted to. Thankfully, he was feeling a bit impatient tonight. 

When he moved the toy to where you needed it most, your body jerked, trying to get more. A strong smack to the thigh told you to keep still as he ghosted the wand over your clit. You focused all of your energy on staying still and keeping your legs open, but it was getting increasingly difficult as Crosshair applied more pressure with the wand. The whole time, you could feel Hunter’s presence next to you, and at one point, he brought one of his hands up to hold yours where they were bound to the bed frame. 

As you felt yourself approaching the precipice, Crosshair pulled the toy away and sat there for a moment, watching your cunt spasm around nothing, longing to be filled. But he wasn’t about to let you get what you wanted so easily. 

“That was me going easy on you,” Crosshair divulged. “It only gets more difficult from here, and remember what I told you would happen if you come before I give you permission. No, tell me what happens if you come early.”

“If I come, I get one hit to the ass with the cane for each second of my orgasm,” you remembered. With a single nod, Crosshair redirected his attention to your pussy, reacquainting it with the wand. Tired from your first edge, your control over your body was slipping, and you felt your orgasm nearing once again. This time, Crosshair kept the wand on for longer, and you had to muster all of your energy to keep from coming. 

Finally, he pulled away, and you breathed a sigh of relief. Looking over towards Hunter, you saw he’d started palming himself, patiently waiting for the show to continue. When he saw you looking at him, he asked, “Think you could help me out with this, mesh’la?”

“How can I help?” you asked, glancing up at your still-bound hands. 

“Let me ride that pretty face of yours. Your mouth always feels so good, and it’ll give you something to concentrate on while Cross is edging you,” he clarified, looking over to Crosshair to make sure he was okay with that idea. With a nod, he looked back to you, he asked, “Is that okay with you? What color?”

“Green,” you responded, looking forward to having Hunter’s cock down your throat. 

“What is Hunter about to do to you, cockslut? Say it back to us,” Crosshair demanded. 

“He’s gonna ride my face and fuck my mouth, use me how he wants,” you whispered, looking over as Hunter climbed over your face. 

“Such a good girl,” Hunter moaned, and without another word, he sunk into your awaiting mouth, grabbing onto the bed frame for balance. Crosshair placed the wand back on your clit, and you moaned around Hunter’s cock as he bottomed out. He held still for a moment, getting used to the feeling of your throat, while you tried to focus on breathing through your nose. He was big, and it had taken a while to train you to be able to take all of him. He moved his hands so that they were holding yours, while still maintaining his balance. 

Crosshair kept his attention trained on edging you a third time. Hunter was right- this time, you were able to concentrate on sucking Hunter off, so you had something to focus your attention on instead of just the sensation from the wand between your legs. Hunter pulled out a bit before pushing back in, content with fucking your mouth nice and slow for the moment. 

As you approached your orgasm a third time, Crosshair sped the motions with the wand, forcing you to choke on Hunter, who only fucked your throat faster in response. As you held your orgasm off the best you could, he pushed into you as far as he could and spilled his cum down your throat. Finally, Crosshair relented, pulling the toy away as Hunter pulled out of your mouth. 

“Color?” Hunter checked. 

“Red. I need some water,” you admitted. Crosshair got off the bed and grabbed one of the water bottles as Hunter climbed off of you and whispered, “You did so, so well, mesh’la. I’m so proud of you, and you should be proud of yourself, too,” he whispered, leaning in to kiss you. 

Crosshair brought the water over and you opened your mouth for him to pour some water into. You drank deeply, not realizing how thirsty you actually were. 

“How're you feeling now? What’re you thinking?” Hunter questioned. You took a minute to respond before admitting, “I don’t think I can take any more edges.” You looked over at Crosshair before continuing, “I’m sorry, I wish I could do more.”

“Maybe another night,” Crosshair conceded. “You know your limits, and I won’t cross a boundary. Time to move on?” You nodded in response. Hunter kissed your forehead and added, “You’re doing so well. Your body can only take so much, and you were good for communicating your needs to us. You have nothing to apologize for.” 

“And can we take the cuffs off? My shoulders are starting to hurt,” you clarified. 

“Of course,” Crosshair affirmed, unlocking the cuffs and bringing your arms down slowly so as to not cause any more pain. Hunter massaged your shoulders, alleviating some of the pain that had built up there. You leaned into his touch, enjoying the break in activity when Crosshair came back over to the bed, buttplug in hand. “Think you’re up for this?”

You thought for a moment before responding, “Not tonight.”

“Look at you, setting boundaries. Such a good girl,” Hunter praised. “Is there something that we can do that you want to try? Another toy, a different position?”

“What does our filthy little cockslut want to try next?” Crosshair added, reaching over and tugging on your hair a bit. 

“I wanna come,” you begged. “I need to come so bad, please-”

“Shhh, we’ll take good care of you,” Hunter reassured, taking you in his arms. He sat back against the bed frame, pulling you with him and depositing you on his lap with your legs bracketed outside his own, legs spread wide so that Crosshair could see how wet and swollen your pussy was. 

“Wanna be a good girl and give Crosshair a show?” Hunter murmured in your ear. “Show him how pretty you look when you come on my fingers?”

“Yes sir,” you moaned, desperate to finally get your release. Normally, Hunter would take his time worshiping every inch of your body before even considering going down on you, but he knew how badly you needed to come. He brought his hand down to your aching pussy, circling around your clit a few times before massaging your entrance and slowly pushing a finger in. You gasped, grinding and clenching down on his finger. 

“Such a little whore, so desperate and aching just from one finger,” Crosshair chided, laser focused on where Hunter’s finger disappeared inside you. Hunter pushed a second finger in with the first and began curling them against your g-spot, making you see stars and squirm around in his lap. He wrapped his other arm around your waist, holding you close to him, whispering, “You’re doing so well, letting me finger you like this. Let’s get you that orgasm, yeah?”

All you could do was nod as you felt yourself hurtling forward, getting closer and closer to finishing. Hunter dipped his head down to suck a hickey into your neck as he kept fingering you, feeling you get closer and closer to your orgasm. 

As you felt yourself reaching your peak, you tried to let them know that you were about to come, but given that the only noises you could make were senseless babbles, they figured it out pretty quickly. Once you hit your peak, you felt your entire body clench, losing all control and surrendering to the all-consuming pleasure Hunter was giving you. It felt as if every nerve ending in your body had been set alight, blazing from head to toe, and you could do nothing but take it all in. The whole time, you could vaguely make out Hunter whispering in your ear “that’s it,” “good girl,” “you look so sexy coming all over my fucking fingers.”

Eventually, you came down from your high, trying to regulate your breathing. Crosshair leaned in and captured your lips in a surprisingly gentle kiss before pulling away, looking into your eyes, and muttered, “slut” before giving you a quick kiss to the forehead. 

Once you’d fully regained control of your bodily functions, Crosshair asked, “Color?”

“Green,” you replied, eager to see what was next. 

“I think you’re finally ready for my cock, and I know your slutty pussy agrees with me,” he smirked. He looked to Hunter, who turned you around and put you on your hands and knees, ass in the air, just the way Crosshair likes it. Crosshair maneuvered himself behind you, taking in the view before giving your ass a couple good, hearty slaps that you knew would be visible come morning. Sliding the tip of his cock through your folds a few times, he eased himself into you slowly, giving your body time to adjust to him. He bottomed out for a moment before pulling out and thrusting back in again. Crosshair was known for being rough, and this was no exception. 

With every thrust, your body slid a little bit farther up the bed until your face was buried in the pillows. His grip on your hips was so strong you knew those would leave marks, too. Crosshair absolutely loved marking you up, especially in places most people wouldn’t get to see. As he pounded into you, he grabbed your hair and pulled you against his back, biting your throat and saying, “Little fucking cockslut, just waiting to be filled up and turned into a fucking cum dumpster.”

As Crosshair could feel your walls fluttering around him, he knew you were close, so he slid a hand down to your clit and rubbed precise circles over it. Before you could respond, your orgasm took you by surprise, walls clamping down over Crosshair’s cock. He kept pounding into you, chasing his own high, sending you into overstimulation. All you could do was cry out and claw at whatever parts of his body you could reach. As he reached his high, he pulled out and came on your ass, watching as your cheeks became adorned with white. 

Pulling away, Crosshair laid you back down onto the bed as Hunter approached. “Fuck, you looked so pretty coming all over his cock like that. You got one more in you?”

“Yes, please, let me come on your cock, too,” you begged. 

“Still so desperate to be filled, hmm? You want to be Hunter’s little cum dumpster?” Crosshair teased. 

“Yes, oh fuck yes,” you babbled. Hunter moved you so that you were on your back with your legs over his shoulders, cock poised at your entrance when he asked, “Color?”

“Green,” you breathed. Without another word, he pushed into you, filling you up. Sure, Crosshair was longer, but Hunter was certainly thicker, and you still needed a bit of time to adjust to his size. He leaned down and pressed a chaste kiss to your forehead as if he wasn’t buried balls deep inside you, showing his soft side.

“Fuck, you always take my cock so well,” Hunter moaned as he started to fuck you. You could feel him stretching you out, the breath getting knocked out of you with every thrust. As you lay there being repeatedly impaled on his cock, Hunter couldn’t help but reach out and wrap a hand gently around your neck. Not hard enough to actually restrict airflow, but just enough pressure to assert dominance. You, on the other hand, wanted him to choke you, so you put your hand on top of his and pushed so he would know to add pressure. He groaned and exerted a bit more pressure on your neck, adding that much more pleasure to what you were already experiencing. 

For the final time that night, you reached your high, coming all over Hunter’s cock. You could tell he was getting close, too; his thrusts were harder and more erratic. Before long, you could feel his cum filling you up as he finished inside you. Stilling inside you, Hunter tilted his head and kissed one of your legs as you smiled up at him, pussy still twitching from your orgasm. He slowly pulled out of you, taking your legs and resting them back on the bed. Crosshair came over with a damp cloth to clean you up with, and Hunter grabbed some more water for you, knowing you’d be thirsty again. 

The two of them knew how to take care of you during sex, and they made sure to pamper you afterwards. Even though you didn’t dare say it out loud, you loved the both of them so much; however, what you didn’t know was that they felt the same about you. 

[tadpoles-and-daydreams]

A ramble on imposter syndrome and the accessibility of witchcraft

So, I’ve been thinking. I think a lot in case you haven’t noticed. Specifically, I’ve been thinking about the major imposter syndrome I’ve been feeling lately in regards to this blog. TL;DR is at the bottom of this post.

People have been, occasionally, sending me asks requesting my opinion on things/how I do things/what I know about XYZ topic. If you are one of these people, I promise I’m not vagueposting about you in particular- in fact, I love these questions! They’re so fun to get and they actually make me sit and think sometimes, or even encourage me to write out something that I’ve been meaning to for my book of shadows. Genuinely, they're wonderful asks to receive. These questions have made me confront something, however; my blog is still small, but some people actually like what I write and value my opinion even if just a little. 

I feel like a mimic hiding in the witchcraft community. I feel like, were people to truly understand my experiences, they would want to “expose” me for knowing so little.

So I sat down with those feelings and turned it over in my head and I’ve come to a conclusion. The fact is, I don’t do research. At least- not what I think of when people talk about research. My "research" consists of the occasional rabbit hole I go down, one and two halves of different books I never finished under my belt, what I see scrolling through various social medias, and conversations I've had with other witches. I check to make sure I'm not stepping on the toes of any closed practices- in fact, that's what most of my energy goes to when it comes to research. This isn't a complaint; I'd much rather know that my craft isn't appropriative.

But I don’t know much about mythology, even that of the deities I work with. I don't even remember the holidays and what they're for. I thought Nyx was an Egyptian deity until like four months ago because I'd just heard her name in passing as a child and had never looked into the mythology... Even though I mainly work with the pantheon she belongs to. Y’all, I’ve done like three spells that I remember. My book of shadows is a messy disaster and I love it but it's got so little information in it, because I rarely write things down. Most resources (especially mythology resources) are academically worded or difficult to read for me personally, and all of these things feel like secrets I have to guard with my life because if I were to ever say them aloud, people would know I'm a fraud.

Today I've come to the conclusion that that is, in fact, absolute bullshit.

Maybe it's not, maybe this post will make some people really upset, but in my practice it's bullshit. All of the above is a result of my ADHD and the fact that I am nothing if not a hands-on learner. My craft is mostly my own experiences because that's how my whole life is; I learn by doing. My ideal learning style is sitting with another autistic person whose special interest is whatever I'm learning about and just talking for five hours, but if that's not something I can do, puzzling it out myself is the next best thing. That's what I've been doing ever since I felt had a basic foundation for my craft. Hell, even before I had a foundation I was putting my own experiences into my craft because "Well that rule just doesn't fucking vibe with me."

This post is mostly for me, but partially for anyone who feels similar. We are not broken or doing witchcraft/paganism wrong. We are simply what happens when the kid who could never do homework ends up practicing the "religion/spirituality that comes with homework." Witchcraft and paganism, in my experience, is far from accessible when it comes to the typical image of it. UPG is what makes it accessible. So yes, my practice is heavily UPG, and I don't do as much research as I think people have assumed. But I'm going to let go of the idea that I'm a fraud, because frankly I know enough about witchcraft to have supported my practice this whole time and my deities haven't smited me yet so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

TL:DR:

Fuck the rules, I don't do much research. I've researched the "basics" and what I need to so I'm not stepping on any toes of closed practices, but people seem to think I know way more than I actually do. I've felt like I was lying this whole time but frankly witchcraft just isn't accessible to someone with my flavor of auDHD, so my craft relies heavily on UPG and I've decided that I'm not broken or wrong for that and neither is anyone else. I'm tired of seeing myself as an imposter just because I make my practice doable for me.

[thescribblesofreverie]

I Needed You

Aaron Hotchner x Daughter!reader (reader is sixteen)

Summary: Your dad was usually your best friend, but lately everything has been different.

Warnings: Reader skips school, reader and Hotch get into a fight, brief mentions of smoking and drinking, reader cusses a little, Haley and Jack didn't exist cause kids make me uncomfortable

Word Count: 2384

A/N: This is my first Criminal Minds fic! It is a little stereotypical because I'm still learning how to write in second person and write Hotch. I'm counting this as a starter fic. In the future I will write more creatively, and I have a series in the works. Any and all feedback is appreciative, but please be kind.

You didn’t know that you wanted to hurt him when it started.

There was no malice intended, fuck, there was barely eny forethought at all. Sometimes, the subconscious makes decisions and there’s nothing you can do to stop it.

Your father was an important man. Unit Chief of the Behavioral Analysis Unit of the FBI was not an easy role to get. Nor was it an easy one to keep. He was barely ever home, either at the office or away on the case. He did his best to call often at night, but as you got older it got less and less frequent.

When he was home he was a great dad. Movie nights happened often, he helped with homework, and you made meals together on some nights. You were even fairly acquainted with the team, though you weren’t close to any of them. Though you dad loved and trusted the team, he preferred to keep both lives separate. When asked why he would usually mumble something along the lines of “safety”. 

Unfortunately, those good nights became less and less frequent.

Y/N,

We got called out on a case. I’ll be in Oregon. Call Garcia if there’s an emergency. There are leftovers in the fridge.

Love you,

Dad

It had been case after case for months. There was hardly even a week passing between each one. You didn’t blame your dad - you couldn’t really.

But goddamn were you lonely. 

You had friends, but they couldn’t hang out all the time. And nothing was like the company of your dad. He was usually your best friend.

-

“Hey dad?” You knocked on the door of his home office, waiting for his response before coming in.

“What’s up?” He didn’t glance up, focused on the paper in front of him.

“I need help with my Algebra homework. I keep trying to solve the problem and it just won’t work…” You were nearly in tears over it.

“Give me a little bit, and I’ll be out.” he still didn’t look up from his work.

“Ok.” You said quietly and closed the door. He never used to bring work home with him. 

If he ever came out to help you, it was too late. You fell asleep, curled up on your bed, the assignment pushed to the side. The next morning before school, you struggled through it on your own. He had already left. 

It was hard to not be upset. You knew his job was demanding. You knew he got stressed. But he was all you had.

Didn’t he realize that?

-

It all started with a group project. 

You were paired together in biology, and you had to do a research project on one of the topics given. The kids you were paired with were kids you knew, but not well.

You were surprised when you found yourself actually enjoying the project for once.

“So who wants to give the presentation?” Jake asked your little group.

“Nose goes!” You shouted, pressing your finger to the tip of your nose.

The four others quickly followed, leaving Casey the last one. She groaned.

“Oh come on, I hate that stuff.”

“No one likes it! And to be honest, I don’t think anyone pays attention during this stuff anyways.” You pointed out.

The group was sitting in Jake’s room, trying to make the final decisions for the presentation. It was to happen during the first period the next morning, and they were supposed to be the last group.

“I swear, after this is done I'm just leaving school. Screw the rest of the day, a presentation first period is grounds for leaving!”

Jake seemed to consider this carefully, pursing his lips and cocking his head. “Why don’t we all leave?”

“Yeah, sure, Jake.” You laughed.

“No, I’m serious!” He grinned, jumping up from where he was sitting on the edge of his bed. “Why not? I can forge my parents' signatures. If you get me an example of your parents signatures, I bet I can do those too! I can make notes.”

“I don’t know, Jake.” You said quietly. “If my dad found out I think I wouldn’t be allowed to leave my house until graduation.”

“Come on!” He whined, looking at the whole group. “I think we can pull it off. Do any of you actually want to be there?”

No. The answer was the same for all of them.

“You know what, I’m in.” Casey spoke up first.

The other two quickly agreed, leaving everyone’s eyes on you.

“Y/N?”

Your dad was on a case. If you were ever going to be able to pull it off, it would be then. And he hadn’t been checking up on you as much ever since you turned sixteen. 

You looked up at your new friends and grinned. 

“Let’s do it.”

-

It wasn’t a one time thing. 

It became quite often actually. Leaving the school was less likely, but sneaking off to hide somewhere for a period happened weekly. Your grades really weren’t any worse or any better. You were still having issues but it wasn’t like you were getting any help with them, so why bother with class?

You considered it very low on the rebellion stage. All you did was miss class sometimes to hang out with your friends. It wasn’t like you were getting high or drinking…

-

You got sloppy. That’s all it was.

You decided to leave after the second period, texting Jake and Casey who quickly joined you. You had a headache and a school environment is the worst place for having a headache. 

Jake’s parents were at work, so the three of you hung out at his place for the day. It was only a few blocks away, and you had only just got your license, so you didn’t have a car yet. 

You made it back to school before you bus left, hurriedly getting on it and riding home.

When you got dropped off, the first thing you noticed was your dad’s car in the driveway. 

He’s not supposed to be back until this weekend.

You rushed inside, swinging the door open.

“Dad!”

He was standing in the middle of the room, a panicked expression on his face when his eyes snapped up.

“Oh thank god,” He breathed out, eyes roving over you, looking for injuries. “She’s here. She’s safe, Garcia.”

He hung up on her, and tossed the phone onto the end table before engulfing you in a hug. “I thought you were gone.”

You hugged him back, confused but still excited to see him.

“I thought you weren’t gonna be back till the weekend at the earliest?”

“We got home early…” He trailed off, pulling away. One eyebrow was raised. “The school called and said you never showed up to third period. Or anything after that.”

Oh, shit.

He took in your shocked expression and frowned, jaw clenching. “I thought someone had taken you.”

“I’m fine…”

“What the hell were you thinking?” His voice was calm.

“Dad, I-”

“Skipping school? Why would you do that? Is something going on?” He was peering at you with an intense gaze. “Are you being bullied?”

“No!” you searched your brain for any excuse. 

“Do you know how irresponsible this is? You’re at school to learn, y/n. You’re at school to prepare for your future.”

“I know.”

“Do you?” He ran a hand down his face. “What if something happened, and no one could reach you because you weren’t at school?”

“I have a cell phone.” 

His glare told you that was not the right thing to say. “Ok, what if something happened to you! What if someone saw a teenage girl wandering around during school hours and decided to take advantage of that! At school you’re at least protected.”

“I don’t just wander!”

“Are you saying this is a regular thing?”

Shut up, y/n.

When you were silent he took that as a “yes”. 

“Where do you go? Do you have a secret boyfriend?”

“No!”

“Are you doing drugs? Drinking?”

“Dad, stop!” You finally shouted. “I get it, what I did was wrong!”

“I don’t think you do get it!” He took a deep breath. “Why hasn’t the school called me until now?”

You hesitated. 

“Y/N. I’m gonna need an answer.”

“My friend… can forge signatures.”

He closed his eyes. It was silent for far too long. 

“You’re grounded.”

“I know.”

“Indefinitely.”

“I know.” you rolled your eyes.

“Hey!” he snapped, raising his voice slightly to catch your attention. “Don’t act like this isn’t your fault. I will be calling the school to let them know that you can only leave when I call in and let them know. No more notes.”

“What if you’re on a case?”

“I’ll remember.”

“Sure.” You scoffed. “Are you gonna tell the school?”

He hesitated. “No. But only because I’m certain it won’t happen anymore.” 

You grabbed your backpack and went to your room in a huff.

He was right. Skipping was dumb.

But now you were going to be even more alone.

-

Hotch didn’t like how the fight ended.

Honestly, he wasn’t sure what to do with you in general. You were usually such a good kid. None of this made sense to him.

Keeping tabs on you wasn’t easy with his job. The hours were long and the work was important. He texted you to check in a lot more than he had been, but all he got was one word responses. 

You were being tight-lipped about what friends you had been skipping with. The loyalty would’ve been a good thing in most other circumstances.

When he did come home, you stayed in your room. Some nights you wouldn’t even eat dinner with him. 

It was stressing him out.

Rossi knocked on his office door about a week after the fight. He let himself in and sat across from Aaron.

“You’re on edge.”

“That obvious?” Hotch muttered.

“What’s going on? Is Y/N ok?”

Aaron shook his head. “She got in trouble last week. I found out she’s been regularly skipping school.”

Rossi winced. “Y/N? That’s surprising.”

“I know.” Hotch nodded. “She’s grounded. She has to come home after school first thing, and she isn’t allowed to hang out with friends until further notice. But…”

“But?” Rossi prompted after a short time. 

“I expected her to come around sooner. She’s a smart kid, she had to know she would be in trouble for this. But it’s been a week now, and she still won’t talk to me! I just don’t understand what happened.”

“You know what I’m going to say.” Rossi said, smiling gently.

“I know, I need to talk to her. I just wish she would come to me like she used to.”

-

That night your dad knocked on your bedroom door.

“Come in.” You said, though you really didn’t want him to.

You were bored. And really lonely. 

Jake and Casey were sympathetic, but you didn’t get to hang out. And even if you did text them all the time, it wasn’t the same.

“Hey…” His voice was gentle as he entered the room and quietly shut the door behind him.

You were sitting at your desk, your algebra sitting in front of you. Most of it was undone, and the few problems that were done had been erased and re-wrote multiple times. None of it was adding up.

You were silent, waiting for him to talk first.

“I think we need to talk. Can I sit?” 

You nodded and he sat on the bed, across from you. 

“I know you’re upset about being grounded.” He started. “But what you did was wrong.”

“I know that.”

“Then why are you still so mad?”

You sighed and looked away. “I really don’t want to talk about this.”

His face fell, and he genuinely looked hurt. “Honey, I just want you to come to me again. You know I’m always here for you.”

Anger.

White hot searing anger flared up quickly and your eyes snapped to him.

“Bullshit.”

“Y/N-”

“No, that’s bullshit!” You stood and crossed your arms. “What are you talking about? We haven’t had an actual conversation in months!”

“That’s not true!” He was standing now too.

“Yes it is!” you stood your ground. “You’re always at work or bringing it here! Even if you’re not on a case, you’re doing paperwork and shit and you still don’t come home.”

“Y/N, my job is important!” He defended himself. “I’m sorry that it takes so much time, but I do my best to keep it at work!”

“You used to! Now I can’t even ask for help with homework without being brushed off.” Your hands were trembling. “You don’t talk to me when you’re on cases anymore, and we haven’t had a movie night in three months!”

He was taken aback. “Y/N, I-”

You shook your head, fighting tears. “I don’t have anyone else, dad. No one else can help me with my homework, no one else texts me to check up on me during the day. I get that your job is important, but I wish I was too.”

His heart shattered.

He had been aware that work had been more intense lately, but he had no idea how badly it was affecting you. 

“Y/N, honey…” He hurried across the room and wrapped you in a hug, letting you sob into his shirt. Your shoulders shook and you clung on like you were going to lose him. “I’m so sorry…”

The apology didn’t excuse it. It didn’t make up for you feeling abandoned for so long. 

“You were skipping school because you thought no one would care.” He muttered, the answer finally hitting him.

You choked out another sob, silently nodded. 

“Of course I care…” He said, holding you close to him. “I’m sorry I’ve been distant. I promise, I won’t bring work home anymore. And I’ll make sure to text you more and call when I’m on cases.”

“I’m sorry, I’m being needy…”

“No.” He promised, looking her in the eye. “You’re not. You’re the most important thing in my life.”

You sniffle and nod, finally smiling. 

“C’mon, let’s go get some dinner.” He kissed your forehead and led you out of the room.

[doraambrose]

I see this alot in fanon and I think jason Todd's parents are completely misunderstood.

Disclaimer: I am not a victim of parents with drug abuse nor have a I ever done drugs. I sympathize and emphasize with people who struggle with drug abuse as there are many reasons to get into it and it's very hard on your body to get clean, I will link help organizations below. This does mean that I can be a little ignorant to the struggles so if I say anything offensive or wrong, please call me out and educate me so I don't make the same mistake

Jason's family has been retconned so many times, it's hard to keep it straight. But this is my headcannon based on what I've seen:

1. I feel like a lot of people write Willis Todd to be this awful abusive scumbag who hated his kid and his wife. If you are talking about young justice or arkhamverse, this canonically true, but I think that's far from the truth in the main universe, prime or whatever it's called. In batman 411, jason is clearly distraught by Willis' death and does try to avenge him by lashing out at Two face. We also can't forget about the incident with the penguin that led to the worst Bruce and jason characterization before gotham war. And that's because of one rhato issue where jason finally reads willis' letters (a truly heartbreaking issue: rhato rebirth 23)

I believe that Willis wasn't a bad dad. Not a good dad, but not an awful abusive one. I 100% believe he has never abused his family in this universe. And you know what, he wasn't a great person. He was a drug dealer and then a henchmen. But he CARED. He cared about his family. He tried so hard to provide for Catherine and Jason for their medical bills, food, shelter. He just had a poor upbringing and some real shit luck, trying to survive in poverty in Gotham city.

2. Catherine has been written in fanon to be a perfect caring mother who was nothing but a victim. I believe that she wasn't as good of a mother and a person as people make her out to be. And we haven't seen everything, but I believe this because she seems selfish. She seems to put herself and her drug addiction before her family, doesn't seem to even try to get clean or take care of jason or provide. Look at these panels:

She neglected Jason. He had to go out and put his life on the line day after day when it should've been the other way around. Jason was a kid. And don't get me wrong, she probably loved jason and had good intentions, no, she definitely loved him, or else jason wouldn't canonically think as highly of her and take care of her the way he did, but she wasn't perfect and I don't think she was as good of a mother as she's made out to be.

3. Canonically, jason seems to really care for Catherine, but not Willis. I have a theory about that. For why he thinks so highly of catherine: I've never had a parent who suffered from drug abuse, but I do have a parent who suffered from a lot of mental health issues like depression, diagnosed, and I feel like bpd, though it was never diagnosed. When things were bad, they were BAD. I witnessed a lot. But when things were good, things were REALLY GOOD. I feel like when Catherine would come off the drug haze, things were like that. She probably took care of him during those times and was loving and all that. Catherine is the one parent figure Jason has to hold onto (because of all the shit with Bruce, Sheila, etc.). He forcibly removes the bad shit she's done and hangs onto the good things she's done because she really did care about him and in life, it seems harder to hate your mom than your dad (from what i have heard when i did research on this from friends). I've done that for years, and idk if I'm explaining it right, but I think that's the best way I can. For why he doesn't love willis: I think up until he read the notes, he didn't have the full picture. From his perspective, willis leaves to do crime and then eventually gets caught and left forever. I think he blamed willis for making jason become "the man of the house" and have all this extra responsibility. Willis also strikes me as the type of parent who has trouble expressing feelings, so jason probably rarely, if ever, heard "I love you" from his dad. Willis also strikes me as the person who would believe that he needs to make his son stronger in order to survive, and there are a lot of parents like that, especially parents from a low income household or a history of poverty.

In conclusion, both parents were FAR from perfect parents, but they're not as evil or as innocent as people write them in fanon. They're just...people. fanon likes to write comic people as black or white, innocent or abusive, but in reality, It's a gray area. Willis had his flaws, I hc him as one of those old fashioned kind of dads who wants his son to be tough and strong and isn't good with sharing his feelings, but does truly care about his family and NEVER was abusive. Catherine was a mother who definitely cared about her family, but wasn't an innocent victim and had her own flaws.

Anyway, thank you for coming to my Ted talk

[nottsangel]

hi guys. I’ve thought long about doing this post, especially since I’m trying to stay away from drama as much as I can, but this is going too far and i can’t ignore it any longer. I want to warn people and stop her, because this person’s behaviour is unacceptable and it has gotten to a point where people feel unsafe. besides my experiences with this person, there are many other people who i’ve talked to that have similar experiences, some even worse than others. this needs to stop.

the person I’m talking about is @/vampyshlut (formerly known as rafesbimbo).

this person has been harassing people, ignoring boundaries and not showing any respect whatsoever. she is manipulative, becomes obsessive real fast and will start love bombing. an example of this is intense clinginess; she gets upset and angry when you don’t respond in a certain amount of time and will spam you with many, many messages (e.g. saying that you hate her just because you weren’t online). another example is jealousy; she gets jealous when you interact with other people and will continuously push you (e.g. to commit) and make you feel guilty for not replying.

this was the case with one of my friends. she started acting like she owned them, and got mad when my friend would drink or smoke. after a while, my friend got fed up with this behaviour and blocked her, but even then she’d still send anon asks. when they texted her to stop sending asks, she said “i don’t want to, i miss you.”, and continued harassing them.

with one of my other friends ( @drudyslut ), she found out her real name, which she had never once mentioned on her blog before. when she asked her about it, she said “i did my research.” this is very scary and not okay.

to give another example, in my case, besides the fact that she was two separate emoji anons of mine and continuesly spammed me and asked me for attention with both, she also began degrading me at one point and called me names. it was very triggering and when i was evidently uncomfortable, she kept going and going. she never once asked if it was okay. she has zero respect.

mind you, these are just a few examples of the many things she has done to different people on here.

however, when people are fed up with her disrespectful behaviour and block her, she continues to contact them through many anon asks. and even when you block the anons, she somehow still finds a way to send anon asks from many different accounts and continue to harass.

and even though she claims that she has certain people blocked (and vice versa), when those people post something, she would post an indirect response on her own blog, meaning that she was/is still secretly lurking on blogs that have her blocked. not only that, for some weird reason she also wants them to know that she is watching them.

this kind of behaviour is NOT okay and being blocked means that that person wants nothing to do with you anymore. leave them alone and respect their boundaries.

the reason i decided to write this post is because this is still ongoing and it sucks that me and others don’t feel safe anymore on our own blog. with every anon ask we get, we fear that it could be her. it sucks that we can’t freely interact with other anons anymore because of this. it sucks that even though you block someone, they still find ways to harass you and you can’t do anything about it. i hope that this post will stop her and make her realise that she can’t keep going like this any longer. we all just want to feel safe on our own blogs.

to her: all we’re asking is that you leave everyone alone. if someone has you blocked, they have done it for a reason and do not want anything to do with you anymore. don’t try to get into contact again, don’t try to send anon asks through different accounts, don’t dm their side blog, don’t send texts to their phone number. move on with your life. and no, no one is ‘ganging up against you’, we’re standing up for ourselves and our friends because your behaviour is simply unacceptable and we are fed up. the way you treat people is not okay and it’s getting to a point where it’s really, really scary. i hope you can reflect on your own actions and will heal.

[roachspeaks]

YOUR WRITING IS AMAZING 💞 i beg you to write some headcannons about the sawyers family with their s/o, in tcsm. with the new characters from the game if you can (sissy and johnny)?? thanks🫂

Sawyer Family x gn!reader basic hc’s

Omg this took way to long, writers block is a killer. I’m gonna admit I had to do some research and read some fics to get to know some of the characters I don’t usually write, but here we go<3

Disclaimer: the Sawyer family tree is so very very confusing, so the characters I went with: Bubba, Johnny, Sissy, Drayton(who is gonna be the older brother but more father figure bc his role is confusing), and Nubbins,

If I missed anyone, let me know and I wasn’t completely sure if you wanted this fluffy or smutty, so I went safe. If you did want smut, ask me please. And it shall be done:)

Bubba

•The sweetest boy, always reaching out to you for affection.

•He’s a big hugger, and a bear hugger too. Sometimes forgets how much bigger he is than most other people, but how can you say no? Even when he’s knocked the wind out of you with those big arms of his.

•He’s a simple man, he could die peacefully and fulfilled in your embrace.

•PRAISE HIM!

•He corrects himself on accidental roughness, tell him he’s doing such a good job and he’ll melt.

•Sometimes he gets easily frustrated because of people not understanding his intentions, so be patient with him. Reward him with hugs and cuddles and he’ll be satisfied.

•Late night talks! Even if it’s more enthusiastic grunts and whines. You’ll both be lying in bed and he’ll just be babbling happily about his day, or about how much he loves you with the widest grin on his face.

•He’s never really had a ‘relationship’ before, so there are times when you have to remind him what’s appropriate in front of the family and what’s not.

•Like sometimes he’ll get really excited, and start kissing you all over.

•But it’s at the dinner table, and some people in this Texan conservative household don’t want to see that PDA.

•His brothers and sister just love teasing him left and right about you, and he couldn’t care less. He loves you, and he’d tell the whole world if he could.

•The warm humidity of Texas is all he’s ever known, so one night there’s a weird and sudden cold snap, and he is absolutely freezing. You aren’t allowed to move from being his personal heating pad.

•But you aren’t complaining, trapped in a pile of blankets with the man you love isn’t the worst way to go.

•Sometimes he’ll go hunting in the forest and bring you back wild fowl, or something other than what the Sawyers all usually eat.

•Sure he wants you to be part of the family, but he notices the way your face scrunches up at the prospect of eating other people.

•It confused him at first, then it clicked that you didn’t like eating people. Like how he didn’t like his vegetables(or that’s how he thought about it).

•So he brings you other more humane alternatives.

•He hates rain and storms, they confuse him. As nobody took the time to explain to him what was happening, why everything was so loud and dark.

•It takes a lot of convincing and encouragement until he’s not cowering in fear at the thunder and lightning(thinking of making a one shot about this tbh).

•To sum it all up, he’s hopelessly in love, and he’d do anything and everything to protect you, and make you happy. He loves the feeling of your soft skin on his. Even if you have rougher hands, it’s nothing compared to his, and he loves it.

•Be gentle with this man, love him to death I beg<3

Johnny

•He’s a cocky bastard, even before you were officially together he was treating you like you were married to him under the state.

•Has absolutely no shame, and he will make out with you in front of Sissy to make her annoyed.

•He’s hyper fixated and persistent, meaning he will get what he wants eventually. So it’s better not to fight him on it(whatever it may be).

•Just like with Bubba, he is teased RELENTLESSLY. More so about how soft you make him. Or how whipped he is for you.

•Whenever he does something remotely sweet or nice to you in front of his siblings(and sometimes even his father and mother) he’ll get a sharp whistle and a chorus of teasing and laughter.

• “Wow Johnny, you really are just a softie huh?”

• “Shut it..”

•He’d never admit it to his family, but he would do anything for you.

•Any guy(or girl frankly) makes the mistake of catcalling or harassing you? They’re dead on the news the next morning.

•As I said even BEFORE you guys were officially dating.

•And he’s a jealous jealous man, so even if it was a misperceived or imaginary threat, it’s enough for him to kill them.

•He tries to be normal for you at first, tries to ignore the taunting from his family that he’ll slip up and scare you away.

•Then he quickly discovers your a freaky little thing by nature, even if your a little freaked out at first.

•Because who wouldn’t want a boyfriend so obsessed with you that he’ll murder for you?

•He likes it when you touch his hair, especially when he’s all sweaty from one thing or another.

•He won’t make you eat people, sometimes he doesn’t either. Not because he’s disgusted by it, more so because he gets bored of just one thing.

•The type to decide when you wake up, whether he’s up before you or not. Sometimes he’s clinging onto your midsection telling you ‘just five more minutes’ for the next hour and a half,

• Other times it’s a note left on your nightstand after he’s left to do farm chores, saying ‘If I see you up before 11 so help me god’

Sissy

•She personally lives for the thrill of bringing you(male, female or other) back home to her family. Specially her daddy.

•She doesn’t hide anything about her life from you even from the beginning. Meaning she expects the same blatant transparency.

•Loves annoying her brothers, mostly Johnny.

•She refuses softness in front of her family because as stated prior, she knows she’ll be made fun of excessively for it.

•That’s not to say she isn’t clingy and all over you.

•She is, it’s just much less ‘lovey dovey’ more ‘this person is mine, touch them and I’ll kill you’.

•She loves when you treat her, growing up she was often overlooked by her family, or even underestimated.

•Buy her something pretty, or something like a plant and she’ll be even more in love.

•She’s never liked loud animals, but she likes cats. Despite her family’s protests, onetime when she was a kid Nubs tried to kill a cat for lunch, she beat him silly. Saved the poor orange kitty and fed it for years.

•Her favourite colour is orange because of that.

•She sleeps like she’s constantly taking up to much space, she curls into one side of the bed and tries to keep there.

•It would be greatly appreciated if you pulled her close, let her uncurl from her little self created ball.

Drayton

•This man has his moments, and I’m not completely sure how I feel about him.

•The Sawyer family often picks on each other and teases each other but Drayton and Nubbs often take it just a little too far.

•His younger siblings are constantly poking fun at his attempts at leadership, and I feel like that makes him a deeper character then I’ve really thought about before.

•He’s a classic older cowboy type, a gentleman with a very stereotypical older brother vibe.

•He tries to keep his family safe, and that includes you when you find your way into his heart.

•He isn’t exactly ‘sweet’ but he can commit to sentimental gestures if that’s something you like.

•The occasional bouquet of wild flowers on your nightstand, or a kiss on the cheek before he goes out for work in the morning.

•He often judges himself too harshly, his decisions and his ability to lead his family, just tell him he’s doing good. He’ll melt in your hands like putty.

•His siblings often make risky choices just to show they can, and it stresses him out(more than he’ll show or admit).

•He can be bad at minding his manners, especially when people are riling him up.

•All he needs is someone to come home too, someone who can appreciate him for all he does and all he tries to do.

(His is really short but I’m unfamiliar with his character😂)

Nubbins

•He’s definitely the most openly clingy if the bunch, he’ll stick to your side like he’s glued there.

•Whether you’re going for a drive into town, or just getting up to go make something for yourself, he’s on your tail.

•He loves being pressed up against you, barely(if any) space between your bodies.

•It makes him feel safe.

•Drayton, Johnny and Sissy often tease him for being dumb, but he’s not dumb! You don’t think so..right?

•Unlike many of the others, if he needs your reassurance, he’ll ask you for it.

•He loves it when you run your fingers through his hair, or down his back.

•He tries to be polite, at least after you teach him what exactly that means.

•He’s very possessive, some days when there isn’t any work that needs done, he’ll just hold you hostage in your bed.

•He loves sunrises, sometimes he wakes up at a specific time just to watch them(his internal clock).

Some of these are shorter than others, if you want anymore specific head cannons let me know, or any other characters<3 have a lovely day.

[avesque]

hi sweet darling my my myyy i adore your writing so very much and wanted to know if you are still taking requests from that one post you linked? if so i would love to see something with tsu’tey for the “i am in love with a moment we never had” + angst? something about him with some angst just scratches an itch in my brain idkkk lots of love btw mwah !<3

across the stars — tsu’tey

INCLUDES fem!reader, human!reader. angst. 1.1k words.

NOTE anon you are so sweet omg thank you so much! <3

jakesully hands tsu’tey a note one afternoon after the battle, a crumpled piece of folded paper with specks of dirt on the edges. it looks tiny and, tsu’tey admits, unimportant.

he refuses to take it.

the olo’eyktan sighs, pushing the scrap back in his direction. “come on, brother. it’s important.”

tsu’tey begs to differ, taking a step back and scowling at the chief. a small, immature part of him is still stingy about the turn of events; how he had no choice but to pass his title to jakesully when he was on the brink of death.

“it’s from y/n.”

tsu’tey stills. his ears fall back in his hair at the mention of your name, tail swishing in curiosity.

you were one of the researchers — a biologist, he remembers you saying — alongside grace who studied pandoran flora and fauna. before the war, you had wormed your way well into the clan with your bright smiles and tinkling laughter. despite being one of the sky people, no one was able to resist you.

you were magnetic.

tsu’tey prides himself in his great resolve, his firm judgment. he is as untrusting as one can be; calculative when needed and always skeptical.

though he cannot deny how even he was left defenseless to your charm. it pains him to admit it but he grew fond of your excited chatter, especially the way your little demon face would light up at the mere mention of new plants, among other things.

he snatches the paper in jakesully’s hands and leaves without a word.

the note has been tucked under the woven mat in his hut for days now. tsu’tey has convinced himself there are far more important things to focus on than your flimsy little gift, and as dawn breaks over the moon, he finds himself grappling for excuses he can tell himself to prolong the inevitable.

a frustrated scowl mars his face, jumping off his hammock and kneeling on the floor, lifting the carpet to reveal the folded scrap. it seems almost threatening as it sits there, staring back.

he chooses to get it done and over with.

he turns it over a few times, looking for something; anything, but all there is is smeared dirt. finally, with bated breath, he slips a finger in the crease and unfolds it.

the paper is filled with your neat handwriting, dark ink nearly glowing on the white background. his heart sinks a bit as he sees how little you wrote but he ignores the feeling.

my dearest, tsu’tey, it reads.

his hands shake and the paper crumples beneath his fingers.

you may be reading this while i am already off this moon, or you may be reading this with a scowl perfectly painted on your face with me in front of you. either way, i just hope you’re reading this.

i would first like to thank you for your warm welcome.

tsu’tey grunts at that, shifting on his haunches, something ugly bubbling in his chest, one he cannot name.

i know how difficult it must be to accept someone like me yet you did not push me away. (you did, but you are unsuccessful! i am just stubborn, and i’m glad i am.)

the countless moments i have spent with you are everything to me. i will hold them close to my heart forever.

from the deepest crevices of my heart, thank you. i appreciate all the things you’ve done for me. for showing me the flowers and telling me about them, letting me come with you on hunts, and for merely walking with me in the forest. i hope you enjoyed those moments as much as i did.

the sky people are going back on earth soon and i have decided to come with them. before i go, i will tell you a secret.

my heart has grown too fond of you. sometimes, i fear you can hear the way my heart beats a little faster when you’re near. you have enraptured me. you are the most beautiful creature i have ever laid my eyes upon.

but i —

the letter is cut off, scrawled over by strings of ink. it starts again below, and the words sends an arrow straight through his heart.

i am in love with a moment we never had. not entirely, i suppose, since i do not go over our moments the way you do. i do not experience them in a… friendly way, shall i say? the way you do. it does not translate the same way between us.

i have spent nights with you clouding my mind, the sound of your voice a hazy lullaby in my head. i have dreamt of holding you, of kissing you, of telling you i love you.

i see you, tsu’tey. even when i am no longer in this moon, remember that somewhere in this vast universe, someone out there sees you.

thank you for sharing a part of yourself with me.

yours, y/n.

the letter is nearly balled up in tsu’tey’s firm grip. it is miniscule compared to his hand, and it is a reminder of how small yours had looked in his when he guided you over rocks that one time he showed you around.

something sits heavy in his heart. guilt, he’s come to know. the sky people left just two days ago and jakesully had given him your letter a week before.

he falls back on the floor of his hut, the mat digging under his left thigh.

had he known of your feelings… had he conquered his fear and read your letter earlier…

because tsu’tey may be known for his great resolve but all it took was your blinding smile to spear through his walls. he was untrusting as one can be but the trust you have shown you had in him had him wavering.

he suppose it is just right that he was stripped of his title. one so mighty will not cower before a piece of paper, but he had, and he missed the one chance eywa has given him to let you know of his feelings that had grown and bloomed over the course of your moments spent together.

he has nothing of you to remember by except this letter and the guilt that has taken root over his chest. he knows it will stay right there as long as he lives.

[cy-cyborg]

Proximity to disability is not the same as living with it - Writing disability quick tips

[ID: An image with “Writing Disability quick tips: Proximity to disability is not the same as living with it” written in chalk the colour of the disability pride flag, from left to right, red, yellow, white, blue and green. Beside the text are 2 poorly drawn people icons in blue, one is standing, the other is in a wheelchair. /end id]

One of the really common ways people push back against disabled people trying to give them feedback on how they’ve depicted disability in their work shows up as something along the lines of, “Well I have a child/parent/grandparent/friend with that disability, so I don’t need to consult other disabled people because I already know what a life like that is like!”

I see the most vehement pushback like this from parents of disabled children. the parents who are their child's advocates, their carers, they see everything their kids go through and have been with them through it all, so they "know what they're talking about already". And the thing about that is, while it means you have much, much more experience with the disability in question, it's not the same as direct experience living with it. Don't get me wrong, it's still an incredibly valuable experience to have, I'm not saying to disregard it, but it's not the same as having that disability. And when you're writing about characters who are disabled, and telling those stories to a public who already have a lot of misinformation about us going in, that lived experience is very, very important.

This isn't unique to parents of course, like I said, I've seen the same kind of pushback from children, friends and other loved ones of disabled people, and honestly, as someone who's been on both sides of the conversation (being a disabled person, but also having loved ones with disabilities different to my own), I do get where it comes from. But no matter how close you are with your disabled loved one, no matter how much you talk, no matter how much they explain everything, unless you yourself have that same disability, it's incredibly hard to understand the details of what life with a disability is like.

Let me use my partner as an example:

Often times, before these larger articles go up, I run them by my partner to ensure the tone and message I want to get across is actually what’s being conveyed. Which means he’s read pretty much every single article I’ve written on this blog. We talk about disability representation and tropes a lot, and he is one of the only people who sees my unmasked and unfiltered reactions to media when it’s done poorly. He’s also done a great deal of his own research on the subject, and worked with other disability sensitivity readers for his own writing projects. Not to mention, well, we live together, he sees pretty much every part of my day-to-day life and he’s one of the only people who doesn't share my disability who I talk to about the more complex emotions that come with it.

I think it’s pretty fair to say he’s quite knowledgeable on the subject of living with the specific disabilities I have for someone who doesn't have them. Despite that though, he still makes mistakes. He still misses things, and sometimes, internalised ableism - something everyone has, even disabled people - still creeps its way into his work. So do mistakes he simply didn't consider to run past me or his sensitivity readers. It’s not because he’s not listening or not trying, I’d confidently say he’s gone above and beyond in that regard, but it still happens. He still misses things that seem so obvious to me, specifically because of my lived experience as a disabled person who has to deal with these things all the time. It’s not unique to him either. A lot of people in my life are aware of the issues I talk about, but struggle to recognise them in practice or struggle to understand why them being depicted poorly is a problem.

This isn't to discourage creators from trying, mind you. But just to serve as a reminder that everyone makes mistakes, and that's ok, so long as you're still trying and still listening. No matter how close you are to a disabled person, no matter how much work or effort you put into unlearning things like internalised ableism, it's still going to pop up occasionally. And that's fine, but it means that you still need to be open to the criticism you get from people with that disability.

[kwanisms]

Kinkuary 09 Beomgyu — pet play & breeding

➥ owner!Beomgyu × kitten!Reader

summary: Beomgyu has always had a fantasy of being the owner in a pet play scenario and gets his wish when Y/N agrees to be his kitten.

wc: 3.7k

warnings: afab reader, adult dialogue, established relationship, sexual content (minors dni!): dom!Beomgyu, sub!Reader, oral (m receiving), unprotected sex (use protection pls), breeding kink, use of pet names (baby, kitten, kitty, etc), mild pet play (reader wears cat ears, collar, cat tail, etc), use of toys (one tail buttplug), I think that's all of them, let me know if I missed any!

a/n: I never have any excuses for the way I write Beomgyu. I just think he's very versatile when it comes to writing for him and he fits into a lot of different scenarios. That being said, breeding is one of my biggest kinks and being able to put my favorite kink with one of my favorite kpop boys is just *chef's kiss* I love it. As always, this is a work of fiction and all characters are not reflective of their respective irl counterparts. for entertainment purposes only. banner made by me. I do not allow reposts or translations of my works. All my works are ©️ kwanisms.

Permanent taglist: @yoonguurt @candidupped @dejavernon

Kinkuary full taglist: @baldi-2 @wonderfulshinee @lacie220900 @sup-dallyboy @drunk-on-dk @violagoth @mixling-blog

Txt taglist: @niktwazny303 @rapmonie2047 @rdiamond2727 @cixrosie

MINORS WILL BE BLACKLISTED & BLOCKED.

Join the taglist!

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"It sounds simple enough," you said as you looked up from the screen in front of you to your boyfriend's anxious expression.

"So you'd be up for it?" he asked softly. You nodded, sliding his phone back to him. "Yeah. I'm down to try," you replied. "It seems interesting." You could see Beomgyu's shoulders visibly relax.

He must have felt very tense and nervous about bringing this to your attention and you could understand why. It wasn't exactly a conventional conversation to have. After all, not everyone was into pet play or breeding.

You'd never experimented with either before but since Beomgyu had given some of your kinks a try, you saw no harm in returning the favor and who knows, you might find something new to like.

"So, how are we gonna do this?" you asked, leaning forward, and giving Beomgyu a grin, a mischievous glint in your eye.

You were surprised by how much thought he'd put into this and impressed at the amount of research he'd done previously. The first thing was to set boundaries. Things that you were both comfortable doing and things that were totally off limits.

"No cages or kennels," you said quickly, watching Beomgyu as he started a list on his phone, thumbs tapping quickly across the screen as he typed.

"Got it," he answered. "Collar?" he asked, glancing up at you through his lashes. You nodded. "Collars are fine. Leashes too," you answered. He typed your response down and paused. "Ears and tail?" he asked, looking up at you again. You thought for a moment.

"Only cat ears and tail," you finally replied. "And if you want to get one of those tail plugs, I'm fine with that."

Beomgyu's eyes widened but he quickly added your answer.

"What can I call you?" he inquired, setting his phone on the table you both sat at. "Kitten and kitty are fine. What you normally call me is fine, too," you said, shrugging at the end.

Beomgyu nodded slowly. "Anything else you aren't comfortable with?" he said, his gaze meeting yours. You pondered for a moment, trying to think of something. "No meowing? I guess I can do everything except for the extreme stuff," you answered.

"Extreme stuff?"

"Yeah, like kennels, crates, cages, meowing, eating out of pet dishes, those kinds of things."

Beomgyu's eyes widened, clearly impressed that you'd done your own research when he first mentioned this to you a couple days ago. You wanted to be as prepared as possible.

"The ears, the tails, hell, a collar and even a leash is acceptable. I'll even wear whatever lingerie you pick. Just please don't actually make me act like a cat," you explained.

Beomgyu's expression softened and he nodded to show he understood. "Of course, babe," he replied. "None of that."

"And one more thing," you added, drawing his attention.

"Let's go over these breeding boundaries," you replied.

After a long in depth discussion, you both agreed to forego the use of condoms since you were on birth control. The idea of letting your boyfriend cum inside you was exciting and you were actually looking forward to the act.

You also sat down later that night to peruse a couple of sites, looking for a play set you both liked. Finally, you settled on a pair of pink and black ears with a matching tail plug as well as a pink collar and matching leash.

True to your word, you let Beomgyu pick out a lingerie set and protested when he purchased everything himself.

"It should be here next week," he said as he put his card back in his wallet and tucked it away.

Suddenly you were very anxious and excited. Next week couldn't come fast enough.

"Babe!" Beomgyu's voice called through the apartment. You were in the middle of washing the dishes when he came home, a few packages balanced precariously in his arms.

"What are those?" You asked as you rinsed your hands and shut the water off, grabbing a towel to dry yourself.

"They're our packages?" he answered, cocking an eyebrow at your confused expression.

It took a moment but then you remembered last week when you'd sat down to look at pet play stuff.

"It's here already?" you asked nervously as Beomgyu moved to the couch, sitting down and setting the packages on the coffee table.

"Yes!" he said excitedly as he patted the spot next to him on the couch. You took a seat and watched nervously as he started to open the first package which turned out to be the collar and leash set. Your eyes widened as he removed the plastic surrounding it.

It was much prettier in person than you expected. The leash wasn't too long but it wasn't exceptionally short either. The outside of the collar was pink faux leather but the inside had a nice soft lining so it wouldn't irritate. Fixed to a small d-ring in the center of the collar was a tiny pink bell that jingles with every movement.

The next package were the ears and tail which were also breathtakingly beautiful. Beomgyu had made sure to order the tail with a smaller plug as neither of you were particularly experienced when it came to anal sex. The plug itself was made of smooth, shiny titanium.

The ears came on a thin clear headband and were slider adjustable along the sides. You watched as Beomgyu removed the ears from the pillow and turned to you. "May I?" He asked softly.

You nodded and your eyes followed his movements but you kept your head still as he placed the headband on and you could see the sparkle in his eyes. He was absolutely enamored.

"We'll try the tail later," he said softly, pulling his attention away to open the last few packages.

The next was a pair of stockings. They were black thigh highs and you wondered what was so special about them. You had plenty of black stockings already but your curiosity was satiated when Beomgyu showed you the bottom of the foot part.

"They have paw pads!" he said, resisting the urge to coo and awe over them. You had to admit, they were pretty darn cute.

"What's in there," you asked, nodding towards the smallest package. Beomgyu set the stockings aside and grabbed the little package, carefully opening it and pulling out two small wrist cuffs.

Black, furry wrist cuffs.

"I thought the paw gloves were too much but I felt these would be kinda cute and they would look nice on you," he said in a soft voice.

You couldn't help but smile at your boyfriend's gentle nature. With his friends, he was a chaotic ball of energy but not with you.

"And I'm guessing that's the lingerie you picked?" you whispered, eyes landing on the last parcel. Beomgyu nodded, setting the cuffs down with the stockings. "It is," he answered, grabbing it.

"It took me a lot of thinking to pick this out so I hope you like it," he added as he opened the package and pulled out the contents.

Just like the other accessories which were black and pink, the set before you was also black with pink details. It was a two piece set, the top was a typical tube style top with thin straps that tied at the top. There was a cat head shaped cut out on the front of the top, outlined in the same pink embroidery.

The bottoms that matched tied on the sides with little strings that ended in tiny little paws with pink embroidered paw pads. On the front of the panties were two tiny triangles sewn on to look like ears and on the back was a large printed pink paw print.

Everything was beautiful and well crafted and you felt your heart tug at the care that Beomgyu put into buying you such beautiful gifts.

'This had better be worth it,' you told yourself, hoping you ended up enjoying this as much as you knew he would.

Later that night, after an early dinner, you decided to take a quick shower and get changed, making Beomgyu wait in the bedroom while you pulled on the lingerie, stockings, cuffs and ears. The tail you would need his help with and the collar was something you agreed to let him do as your "owner" for the night.

You chose not to look at your reflection too much but happened to catch a glimpse of yourself and felt your cheeks burn at the sight.

It was much better than you anticipated.

Gathering your courage, you finally pulled open the door leading into the bedroom where Beomgyu glanced up from where he sat, his phone in his hand.

As soon as his eyes landed on you, they widened, his jaw dropping as he took in the sight before him.

"Holy shit," he breathed, heart racing, trying to ignore the way he felt his cock twitch in his sweats. He'd imagined this many times but the reality was always better than his imagination.

The way the lingerie set he'd chosen fit you was perfect, like it was made for your body. The black stockings were an exact match in shade to the set and the fur of the black cuffs matched the ears.

"Where's your tail?" he asked softly as you walked over to him, hands behind your back. His eyes left your face as you held it up.

"I need some help with it," you said in a soft, slightly shy voice.

Beomgyu's lips pulled into a smile and he set his phone aside, reaching out to take your hand and pulling you into the bed in front of him. "I'd be happy to help you, baby," he replied softly.

"Here," he said, taking the tail from you gently and making you turn to face away. "Bend over," he instructed, with one hand, pushing your shoulder slightly, urging you to bend over while his other hand pulled open the bedside table drawer and grabbed the small bottle of lube you kept there for emergencies.

This wasn't an emergency per se, but it was needed nonetheless.

"I need you to relax for me, Y/N," he said as he grabbed the plug, pushing the fur away and squeezing a couple drops of the clear gel onto the metal. He snapped the lid shut and set the bottle aside before turning his attention back to you.

"Can you pull these down for me, baby?" he asked, running his hand over your ass, fingers skimming the material.

Obediently, you reached back to your hips and tugged the panties down past your ass to your thighs, exposing your ass to him.

"Good girl," he cooed, scooting closer and placing one hand on your hip as he pressed the cool metal against your tight hole.

Your body jolted at the sensation of the cold metal and the cool lubricant but Beomgyu reassured you with a light squeeze to your hip. "It's okay," he whispered. "Take a deep breath."

You did as he said, inhaling slowly and closing your eyes as you felt him swirl the tip of the plug around your asshole, spreading the lube and testing your reaction as he ever so slightly pushed the very end of the pointed tip into your hole.

You let out a gasp at the intrusion but Beomgyu was quick to calm you. "Relax, kitten," he said in a low tone. "I need you to relax. You're doing so well for me."

You took another deep breath and exhaled, relaxing your muscles and allowing Beomgyu to slip the rest of the plug in. It wasn't a huge toy but you weren't accustomed to having more than a finger or thumb in there.

"You're such a good little kitty," Beomgyu said, pressing a kiss to your back as he pulled your panties back up, positioning the toy to peek out one side of your panties.

"Come here," he cooed, turning you to face him and pulling you onto his lap as he leaned back against the pillows, propped up against the headboard. "You did so well," he praised, keeping one arm around your waist while the other petted your head slowly.

"Such a good girl."

You laid your head on his chest, eyes sliding shut as he continued to stroke your hair. You had to admit, you were liking this very much so far. The praise, petting, and even the use of kitten and kitty was starting to work you up.

"I got something for you," he said suddenly, making you open your eyes. You watched as he pulled open the second drawer on the bedside table and pulled out the collar.

"I figured well forego the leash tonight," he added as you sat up, watching him fiddle with the buckle on the collar. "May I?" he asked, looking at you and waiting for permission.

You nodded wordlessly and watched as his hands moved, place the collar around your neck and fastening the buckle. "It's not too tight, is it?" He asked as he slipped two fingers under the leather.

You shook your head. "No," you answered. "It's perfect."

Smiling, Beomgyu grabbed his phone from the bed and unlocked the screen. He checked to make sure your eyes were still closed before he opened an app on his phone and tapped the on switch.

Immediately, you let out a gasping moan as the plug inside you sprang to life, buzzing at a low frequency. You glanced up at Beomgyu who pressed a kiss to your forehead. "Surprise," he said with a smirk. 'Oh that cheeky bastard.'

"Beomgyu!" You whined, burying your face in his chest. You felt the vibration stop and relaxed, looking up into your boyfriend's face. "Sorry, babe," he said softly, pressing a quick kiss to your lips.

"I couldn't resist." He set his phone aside and sat up, forcing you to sit up as well. "You look so pretty," he whispered, bringing his hand up to cup your cheek, thumb stroking your skin softly. "I can't wait to fill you up." Your lips parted as his thumb brushed over them a small gasp escaping you as Beomgyu pushed the tip of his thumb past your lips and onto your tongue.

Without being told to, you wrapped your lips around his thumb and sucked, making him groan at the sight. "You seem to know exactly what I want you to do," he said, pulling his thumb from your mouth. You watched as he rested back against the headboard and gave you a sly grin.

He looked down towards his crotch and back up. “Well, get to it, kitten.”

Your fingers skimmed up his thighs, dragging painfully slowly across the fabric of his pants as you neared the tie of his sweats. Beomgyu grabbed your hands, halting your movements. “Don’t play with me,” he said in a stern voice.

You muttered an apology and waited for him to release you.

When your hands were back under your control, you quickly untied his drawstring, keeping your eyes lowered.

Beomgyu lifted his hips as you tugged his pants and underwear down, freeing his hard cock.

Without another word, you took him in your hand, admiring the size and weight in your hand as you always did.

Glancing up at his face, your eyes met and you leaned in, giving the head of his cock a light lick, smirking to yourself when he let out a hiss.

“I told you not to play with me,” he growled, fingers tangling in your hair and pulling your head down, forcing more of his cock into your mouth. “Be a good kitty and take all of it.”

You whined at the effect his words had on you, your thighs clenching together as the head of his cock hit the back of your throat.

“That’s much better,” he said softly, holding your head in place. “I knew you could take more. I’ve fucked that pretty mouth of yours before.”

You waited for him to release you, hands resting on his thighs as your lungs burned. you tried to pull away but Beomgyu’s grip on you was stronger. “I didn’t say you could move, kitten.”

You felt the corner of your eyes burn, tapping against him quickly.

Finally, he released you, allowing you to sit up and cough as air filled your lungs again.

“Turn around,” he ordered, moving to pull his pants off the rest of the way, discarding his underwear along with them as you slowly turned around to face away from him.

Feeling him lean over your back, chills ran up your spine as he whispered in your ear.

“Are you okay, baby?”

You nodded, pushing your ass back against his erection. “Mhm,” you answered.

Beomgyu let out a groan, hands moving to your shoulders and pushing your chest down onto the bed, keeping your ass in the air. “Stay down,” he demanded, his hands sliding down your back to your ass, squeezing the flesh and slowly pulling the panties he’d bought for you down.

Once the fabric was bunched around your knees, you felt him spread your cheeks, getting a good look at your glistening cunt. “I can’t wait to fill you up,” he said more to himself than to you. you waited patiently as he removed his shirt, tossing it aside and guided the tip of his length to your entrance.

Rather than entering, he slowly rubbed against you, eliciting a moan from you.

“God I love the sounds you make.”

Your lips parted to answer him but a moan left your mouth instead as he pushed into you, gliding in easily and bottoming out. Your walls welcomed him, squeezing around him and it took all his willpower to resist slamming into you. “Fuck, you feel so good, kitten,” he groaned, taking hold of your waist, pulling out slightly and glancing down as he thrust into you.

This was always one of his favorite things about this position. He got to watch his cock disappear into you over and over again.

“Beommie,” you whimpered as he set a slow, steady pace. He didn’t want to wear himself out too quickly.

“Beommie? That’s cute,” he cooed, giving you a harsh thrust and making you cry out.

“But you’re even cuter when you’re screaming.”

You glanced back at him, meeting his gaze. “Then make me scream.”

Whatever willpower he had left his body in an instant and the next second, he had you pinned to the mattress as he pounded into you.

You shouldn’t have said anything but you couldn’t help it. You liked it when he went rough on you. You liked it when he lost control and embraced his more… animalistic side.

“Keep screaming for me, like a good kitty,” he moaned. “‘M gonna fill this pretty little pussy until you can’t take anymore of my cum.”

A loud moan sounded from the back of your throat as you clenched around him. “Gonna fill you up so much," Beomgyu grunted, his hips moving faster despite how tightly your walls squeezed his cock.

"Do you want that, kitten? Want me to fill you up and breed you?"

You let out a whine, pushing back to meet his thrusts. You'd never given much thought to a breeding kink before but you could see how much Beomgyu liked the idea and you'd be lying if you said the idea wasn't turning you on even more. Maybe it had more to do with it being your loving boyfriend than the actual act itself.

Either way, you wanted him to fill you up. You wanted him to pump you full of his cum. You wanted to be so full of it that it spilled out of you for him to see.

"Yes," you rasped, barely managing to lift your head enough so your voice wasn't muffled. "Yes please, Beommie. Fill me up,"

The sound Beomgyu let out was a mix between a growl and a moan. His grip tightened on your waist, hips thrusting as your words drove him closer and closer to the edge. "I knew you'd want that. Looking like this, begging me to fuck you. Of course you'd want me to cum inside you, fill you up until it spills out. What a dirty little kitty you are," he chuckled. "Beomgyu please," you mewled.

"Please what?" he asked breathlessly. "What do you want, baby?"

"G-give me your cum," you answered, stammering slightly and feeling your cheeks burn at your request.

"If that's what you want," Beomgyu replied. "I'm happy to oblige."

You let out a cry as he moved impossibly faster, your ass bouncing against him with each harsh thrust, his cock hitting deeper and making your eyes roll back. "Fuck," you cursed, crying out when you felt a sharp smack to your ass. "Language, kitten," Beomgyu hissed. "Watch your mouth."

You felt your climax approaching, muscles tensing as your walls convulsed around your boyfriend's cock until he finally came with a deep moan, painting your insides with his hot load.

The sensation of him coming inside you pushed you over the edge and you came, your boyfriend's name leaving your lips in a breathless chant.

Beomgyu's hips finally stopped, his cock still buried inside your tight walls. Neither one of you spoke for a moment, just basking in your post sex euphoria.

Finally you felt Beomgyu's hands move, caressing your skin gently.

"Are you okay, baby?" he asked softly. You nodded in response. "Yeah," you panted. "I'm okay."

Beomgyu glanced down where his body met yours and let out a 'tsk.'

"What's wrong?" you asked, pushing yourself up and looking over your shoulder at him. "I said I'd fill you up until you couldn't take anymore," he reminded you, looking up to meet your gaze.

It was at that moment you realized he was still hard inside you.

"Beomgyu what are you- AH!" You cried out in shock as Beomgyu pushed your chest back down to meet the mattress, hips beginning to move again as he fucked his cum deeper into you.

"I said I would breed you," he added, giving you slow but hard measured thrusts. "And that's exactly what I'm gonna do."

You let out a whine as he continued.

"Hold on tight, kitten. You're in for a really long ride."

[winchesterdreamgirl88]

The Other Brother

Pairing: Sam Winchester x Reader also Dean Winchester x Reader

Warnings: Cussing, angst, fluff, BAD WRITING

Summary: You and Dean used to have a small thing together, but you guys drifted apart and Dean left for a little while. After he left you and Sam became very close and eventually it turned into more. You were finally happy and content in life. But what happens when Dean shows up again after a year?

Word Count:2235

A/n: I want to do multiple different versions of this story eventually so keep an eye out for those:) Also I've had serious writers block so I'm sorry if this isn't the greatest. I'm going to try and get better at updating more consistently.

1 Year ago

"Fuck, I can't do this anymore Dean. Sometimes you act like I'm the best thing that's happened to you but recently you've been treating me like some random girl you picked up in a bar."

Things have been rocky with you and Dean for a while now. You got badly injured on a hunt fighting vampires and because Dean was so focused on trying to make sure you were okay 3 of the vampires got away, ever since then you guys have been non stop arguing.

"Oh please, Y/n, obviously you're important to me, why are you acting so crazy?" You and Dean had been together for about 6 months and things were going so well in the beginning. He was so protective, would defend you against anyone who even looked at you the wrong way, but recently you guys have been fighting a lot and it seems like he's done with you.

"Me?? I'm not acting crazy. You used to love me and protect me but now you never come home, we fight all time, hell you barely even kiss me anymore." You said tears started to form in your eyes because he couldn't tell how much he was hurting you.

"You know what I don't need this." Suddenly he turned around and started to walk towards the door. He walked out the door, walked out of your life, and never came back.

Present

It had been a year since Dean had walked out on you, and Sam. You and Sam had gotten really close over the past year. Sam and you began hunting together, you would take over on the research most of the time and Sam was more on the killing side. You two were close before Dean had left but once he was gone something shifted. One night about three months after Dean left you and Sam were doing research together in a library in Nebraska trying to hunt a Wendigo.

Sam had always had feelings for you but stepped aside once he realized you and Dean had. But on that night seeing you in the library with your face buried in a book with your glasses on and hair falling into your face he couldn't help himself. He leaned in closer and tucked your hair behind your ear causing you to look up at him and smile.

"Y/n there's something I've wanted to say to you for awhile now. I've liked you since the day me and Dean met you. You have the kindest heart, the most beautiful smile, your eyes can make me melt by just looking at them. I love you Y/n." Sam said with a sigh of relief that he finally said it.

"I love you too Sam." You said and leaned up to kiss him.

Time Skip 9 Months

You and Sam had been together for 6 months now and you've never felt happier. He was the best boyfriend you could ask for. He was loving, caring, attentive and the two of you rarely ever fought. One night you guys were cuddling on the couch watching tv in the bunker when suddenly someone bursts through the door. Sam and you both got nervous because neither of you was expecting anybody and nobody else you knew had a key. Well except for one person, but it couldn't be him right?

"Stay here, don't move, I'll be back." Sam said as he got up to investigate what was happening. After silence for a while you suddenly heard yelling between Sam and a voice you hadn't heard in a year.

"WHAT THE HELL DEAN! You can't just show up here after a year and expect things to be the same. You really hurt her, she was devastated when you left. You don't just get to come back and think everything's going to be okay. She's mine now! We've both moved on from you. I think you need to leave." Sam finally finished yelling at Dean, neither brother had noticed you standing there.

"Oh please Sam. I had to leave, I had to do what's best for everybody."

"What the hell are you talking about?"

"You know where I've been the last damn year Sam? I've been hunting those assholes that hurt Y/n. I've been tracking them down and I finally found them in Ohio and killed every last one of them. They hurt her and I wasn't going to let them get away with it. I also had to leave because I needed time away from you." You were so confused by what you just heard you didn't know what to do. What did he just say? He left because he wanted to keep me safe? A million thoughts started running through your head.

"Me? What the hell did I do Dean?"

"YOU WERE IN LOVE WITH HER! You think I didn't notice, the whole time we were together I could see you always watching her. Always longing for her, always wishing that she was yours. I'm not an idiot. But you are my brother and she is the woman I love, I wasn't going to stand in way of you two being happy. Don't you dare think that there is anything, past or present, that I would put in front of you."

"It looks like I was right, you two are together now and happy and made a better life for yourselves. I'll leave the both of you alone and figure out something else."

When the yelling finally stopped and both brothers finally calmed down they finally noticed your presence in the room. You looked like you had seen a ghost. You ran upstairs past yours and Sam's now shared bedroom and ran into the bathroom and started crying. You were so confused and overwhelmed. When you finally felt strong enough you walked downstairs to see both men just sitting in the living room staring at each other. When they noticed you Sam stood up and ran over to you and gave you a hug.

You accepted his hug but something felt wrong now that Dean was here, you couldn't help but look over at him and see sadness and regret in his eyes. "Sam, could you maybe leave us alone for a minute?" You asked hoping that you could just have some one on one time with Dean to figure things out.

"Yeah of course." Sam said with a sigh, pressed a kiss to your temple and went upstairs to his room. Even though you were nervous and hurt you went and sat down next to Dean on the couch and coughed nervously. He grabbed your hand surprised that you didn't pull away and took a deep breath before beginning to talk.

"I'm sorry Y/n, I just got so angry at the fact that I let those vampires hurt you I couldn't stand the thought of them being alive. I had to leave to make sure that they paid. I didn't tell you because I didn't want you to worry. I just wanted you safe, then once I realized that Sam had feelings for you it made me go crazy and scared. I know he's a better man than me. He can treat you better than I can. he's better for you. When I realized this I decided to leave so the both of you could be happy and finally start a normal life together. I'm so sorry I hurt you Y/n but I guess it's what I'm best at. You and Sam deserve to be happy. I'll be gone in the morning." And with that he dropped your hand, got up and went to the garage.

You sat there stunned and shocked. Everything you thought was wrong. The fact that Dean spent this past year trying to find the vampires that hurt you and kill them, the fact that he wanted you and Sam to be happy even if he wasn't, you weren't sure what to do. Sam suddenly comes down the stairs after hearing Dean leave.

He comes and sits next to you before taking your hand in his. "Look Y/n, Dean coming back here doesn't change anything. I still love you and I still want to be with you. All he's gonna do is cause you pain and suffering and I don't want to see that happen. But I can't tell you what to do, so it's your decision. If you decide to go back to Dean I'll understand. I won't make it awkward, or be mad. We can go back to how it was before no guilt, I promise." With that Sam left you alone with your thoughts.

As if a miracle happened suddenly you knew exactly what you wanted to do and who you wanted to be with. You got up off the couch and started walking.

If you choose Sam

You went into the garage to find Dean working on baby. He hears you come in and stops whatever he's doing to look at you.

"Look, I forgive you. I understand what you did and I will always be grateful for it. But things are different now Dean, I'm in love with Sam. He's the one that makes me happy. But I want you to stay, stay and hunt with us and it'll be like before." You said avoiding eye contact.

"Okay." He said with no hesitation. "I'll stay and we'll try to make this work. You guys deserve each other and I can see how happy you guys are. I'm glad you two found each other. Now go tell Sam before he decides to freak out on both of us." He says now talking with a small hint of a smile. You give him a really quick hug and then run upstairs to go find Sam. You start walking towards your guy's shared room and take a deep breath before walking in. Sam is just lying on the bed but immediately sits up when you walk in.

Suddenly you run over to him and give him a big hug and you feel him relax under your touch. "It's you Sam, you're the one that I want." You said with a big smile on your face. He returns your smile and leans down and gives you a quick kiss.

"I love you so much Y/n, it's always been you."

After a crazy day you both lay down in bed and fall fast asleep. You felt good knowing everything would be okay. You had both boys back in your life and you couldn't be happier.

If you choose Dean

You went upstairs to find Sam, even though you guys shared a bedroom suddenly you felt like you couldn't just walk in so you knocked on the door. "Come in" said a voice that sounded tired and exhausted.

"Hey, can we talk." You said entering the room and then shutting the door. "Yeah of course, come sit down." Sam said making room on the bed for you. This was going to be so hard, you didn't want to hurt Sam. He was one of most kind hearted people you knew, but your heart knew what it wanted. You took a deep breath before talking.

"Sam, these past few months have been great. You've been the best thing in my life, you've made me smile and laugh so much I can't even begin to describe it. But my heart belongs to Dean. I know it's risky and he might hurt me but it's what I want. I don't want you to be angry. Honestly I just wish everything could go back to the way it was before."

"Then it will." He said which made you slightly confused. "All I've wanted is for you to be happy Y/n. So if Dean makes you happy then you need to be with him. Don't worry about me, the three of us will go back to how it was before. Now go find Dean before he leaves." He said and gave you a hug. You got up and started walking towards the door. "Just know if he hurts you again I'm going to kick his ass." Sam said with a smile on his face. "Good to know." You said returning the smile and then running down the stairs into the garage to find Dean.

He had headphones in so he didn't hear you come in. You walked up behind him and placed your hand on his shoulder causing him to jump. He took his headphones out and turned to face you.

"Look, I understand why you did what you did, and I'm so grateful for it. I still want to be with you, my heart still belongs to you, I still love you. But from now on you have to communicate better. If something is bothering you tell me and we'll figure it out together. No more secrets okay."

After a little bit of silence you see Deans face form a big smile and then suddenly he picks you up and spins you around. This causes a big smile to appear on your face, a smile you haven't had in over a year. He decided to take you on a short drive to look up at the stars and talk about everything that happened since he had been away. You looked up at the stars knowing your heart was happy.

[sinner-sunflower]

Lucifer AU idea- Rabbit Hole

Y'all know that Rabbit Hole by Miku song with the animation trend? Imagine Luci doing that dance ugh

---------------------------

The song is Angel Dust's first official music video that he wrote after breaking free of Valentino's deal.

Ozzie had offered him a job to Club Ozzie's first Pride ring branch and Angel never felt happier.

He got into music as an outlet for his emotions, releasing 'Addict' and 'Poison' to the public via Al's radio show. (He managed to convince Alastor to do it cos it would make his ratings skyrocket past Vox and Alastor loves nothing more than kicking Vox when he's already down)

After the success of his first 2 songs, Angel decided that maybe the 3rd one should have a music video.

With the help of Ozzie as his producer, the project is a go.

Writing the song was the easy part. Angel wanted it to sound fun but also resonate with his past experiences (just read the translation of the lyrics! The one angel wrote is from this Cover!)

One day, he and Ozzie were brainstorming at the Sin's office at the Pride branch.

Ozzie: Angel, this is your first music video! It must be grand! Showstopping! Jaw-dropping! Never before seen! Revolutionary!

Angel: But how do I do that, big dick boss man? I don't think even being greatest porn star Hell has ever seen will wow people now. I've done lots of things and I can't think of anything else.

Ozzie: Hmmm

Just then, Lucifer enters the office.

Lucifer: Ozzie! Just who I'm looking for. I need you to do some inspection regarding your crystals. I just talked to Belphagor and she said that her team just confiscated a whole ton in some imp warehouse in Greed. I know I don't need to meddle but I wouldn't be worried if it was anywhere else. Who knows what Mammon is doing with those and- oh! Angel!

Angel: Heya, Short king.

Lucifer: What are you doing here?

Angel: I work here, baby~

Lucifer: Oh! I knew that haha. And what's this?

The King of Hell gestures to the board they were using for notes.

Angel: Don't tell anyone, but I'm gonna be releasin a new song and it's gonna have a music video!

Lucifer: Really?! That's great! It hasn't been that long too since Poison, wasn't it?

Angel: Yeah, but we wanna catch these motherfuckers off guard

Ozzie: That's why we're brainstorming how we can wow these desensitised demons. I still think we can do-

Lucifer: Why don't I do it?

Angel and Ozzie blink in surprise at the King's words.

Angel: Do what?

Lucifer: Act! In your music video! You know, instead of you, I'll be the uhhh 'rabbit girl'? Not that- you're uh- not enough I just mean that uhm- I think the last thing they'd expect is the King of Hell a sinner's music video.

Angel: Babe, you do know this would be a not safe for work type thing, right?

Lucifer: Yeah? I know? I know you better than you might think, you know.

Ozzie: You sure? Cos Charlie might see this.

Angel: Yeah. I know I don't wanna see my dad basically naked dancing to music.

Lucifer: You can go through it with her if it makes you feel any better. But I'm up for anything.

The two others in the room just stare at him with their mouths wide open.

Lucifer: But if you don't want I...

Angel: Hell no! We are doing this!

Ozzie: Hell won't know what hit em.

---------------------------

Charlie gave it a green light cos she's so excited about her dad finally socializing and breaking out of his cocoon to really realize what everything is about. Angel wants to record a reaction of the hotel for research purposes.

A few weeks later, the video is done and it's dropped out of nowhere.

Ozzie invited the Sins to the hotel for an exclusive live viewing (he and Angel ofc knew what time it would be released and set the whole thing up)

Everyone sat in the lobby in front of a giant projector (No, Alastor, you can't watch a video on the radio!), and as the clock struck at 9:13 AM on a random Tuesday, the video played.

Let's just say that it certainly did leave mouth agaped and caused mass panic.

---------------------------

Ozzie anonymously sent a copy to Heaven and somewhere in a bright glowing building, 6 archangels lay unconscious at the ground due to shock,

---------------------------

If you guys want me to write some dialogue for that first reaction in the hotel, drop the comment!

[nanowrimo]

12 Tips for Drafting Forward During NaNoWriMo (And Beyond!)

To accomplish your big writing goals, you have to focus on drafting forward. The team over at Freewrite knows how to do that better than most! Freewrite, a 2023 NaNoWriMo sponsor, is a dedicated distraction-free drafting device designed just for writers to separate the drafting from the editing process and get words on the page. Today, the Freewrite team is here to share their top 12 tips for doing just that:

Here at Freewrite, we love when NaNoWriMo comes around, because we’re all about helping writers set their stories free. We’re big proponents of the “write now, edit later” method of writing to help writers reach writing flow and increase productivity. The goal of drafting forward (and NaNoWriMo!) is to get a first draft recorded and translate your thoughts into writing on the page.

We’re going to share the top tips we recommend to writers who want to try this method but don’t know where to start. Try these out during your next writing session to see how they help you ditch the distractions and make serious progress!

1. Save research for later. (Or start with it!)

Yes, research is important. But it can also quickly turn into a form of procrastination. Complete the bulk of your research before you start writing, or, if it’s a topic you know well, commit to doing any research after. When you’re drafting and come to a place where you need to fact-check or gather information, simply leave a note to yourself right there in the text and continue drafting. 

2. Plan well.

With a timed challenge like NaNoWriMo, it helps to plan out your daily benchmarks in order to finish on time. Consider setting a daily word count goal or making a schedule for the month so you know exactly where you stand each day. Make an outline if you’re a plotter, or if you’re a pantser, spend some time getting into the world of your story.

3. Decide you’re going to write a messy first draft.

We recommend stating it outright to yourself, or maybe writing it down on a Post-It where you can see it each day: My goal is to write a messy first draft. Embrace that imperfection so that you can write more freely!

4. Silence your inner critic.

As you write, revisit your messy first draft goal and resist the urge to critique or edit your work as you go along. Instead, concentrate on getting your thoughts down without judgment. This means not overanalyzing each sentence. Did that last sentence sound ridiculous? Who cares?! Anything goes in a messy first draft. You’ll refine and revise later!

5. Turn off your inner spell-check.

Freewrite devices have no spell-check or grammar checker for a reason. Every squiggly line is a distraction, a moment that your writing flow is broken and you have to resist going back to fix typos. Even if your eyes recognize a typo, train your brain to fix it later! Remember: we’re focusing on getting out thoughts and ideas in the first draft, not grammar.

6. Eliminate external distractions.

We’ve done the hard work for you by creating Freewrite. 😉 Now, put your phone in the other room, turn off the TV, and start writing.

7. Write quickly.

This is just another way to trick your brain into writing from that deep, creative place that can’t be reached when you’re overthinking. Strive for a flow state where you’re typing at the speed that your thoughts come to you.

8. Use placeholders.

If you can’t think of the right word or need to look up a source, just insert a placeholder and keep writing. Our favorite placeholder is “xx” because that can easily be searched in editing software later. Other people like the more straightforward “[INSERT SOMETHING FUNNY]” or “[CHECK SOURCE]”. You can fill in those gaps during the editing phase.

9. Keep moving forward.

If you encounter writer’s block or a difficult section, resist the temptation to stop and dwell on it. Skip to another part in your story and return to the challenging section later. We like to add a note to ourselves right there in the draft to remind us to come back to that spot when editing.

10. No back-tracking.

Often while drafting, a brilliant sentence will come to us. But it’s describing something we just described. What to do? Do not go back, delete the first sentence, and replace it. Simply keep writing the new sentence! These redundancies are easy to correct later.

11. Experiment.

Try different styles and approaches without judgement. You can compare and contrast and pick the best one later, during the editing stage.

12. Write!

Relish in the creative flow and the freedom of having one job to do: writing. Don’t worry about grammar or story structure. Focus on the joy of creating.

With a few tweaks in how you draft, we hope you’ll be surprised by how much you write, the creative ideas your imagination comes up with, and how much fun you have while writing.

And if you try the above rules of forward drafting, we’d love to hear your experience!

Reminder: NaNoWriMo 2023 participants are eligible for a special Freewrite offer. Find all the details here. 

[zwolfgames]

Yandere Alhaitham x reader

Requested: / (Havent even done the Sumeru quest but when you have motivation, you have to write.)

(Warnings: manipulation, i guess, plus kind of kidnapping.)

(3rd person POV)

'The late blossoms bloom when the sun stands at the top. Water evaporates when she shines. May the goddes strike as it falls again.' You repeat in your head as you read over the text.

"So is this an official document or some random dude's poetry?" You ask the scribe in front of you with a deadpann. This thing made no sense.

"What? It used to be on a stone tablet but I translated it for you." Alhaitham pinches the bridge of his nose in annoyance as he sighs.

You make an 'oh' face and nod. You may be smart when it came to your academia major but not to things like this.

"So what do you think it means?" He asks you with a serious face.

Curse who-ever put you two together for this project. You had hoped you got one of your more familiar colleagues. But the one you'd be grave exploring with was none other then Alhaitham.

He was stoic, practically never listened to anything you said either with those stupid headphones of his.

"I'm not sure... but perhaps it's a riddle. Meaning that this 'goddes' will appear as the water falls again. Probably as in rain... after this 'sun at the top' so a summer." You think out loud and Alhaitham tilts his head just a bit. The only indication that he's listening.

Alhaitham nods, as if telling you to go on.

With what? You've read this text once. There was no more.

He sure was expecting more though. You sigh and read the translated text over again.

As you turned your gaze to the paper you failed to notice the subtle smile on a certain scribe's face as he looked at you.

Do you know why you were partnered up with him for this project?

Because he wanted that. Alhaitham has high influences in the Akedemia.

You wouldn't work with some other random colleague. And especially not that one you looked at with such adoring eyes.

He couldn't understand how you saw none of his signs. I mean, he translates the stone tablets for you. He brings you a coffee when he goes to get one.

How did you not see his overflowing love for you?

But that wasn't relevant at the moment. You were before him now. He had to be on his best behavior to impress you.

"So? Any more toughts?" He leaned his head in the palm of his hand, propped up on the table by his elbow.

He looked you in the eyes and you couldn't help but feel nervous.

He had a scary and intimidating gaze. Like It's piercing into your soul.

"Yea... I think, if my theories are correct, that this is a riddle. Meaning that the tomb we're researching might 'open' when the first rain falls after the summer." You explain in the most professional tone you can manage. Not wanting to piss this serious guy off.

"I see. Thats very good, Y/N." Alhaitham speaks quietly and looks at the paper himself. His hand brushes yours.

You think it's a normal accident.

It's not.

"So that means we have about a month of space to relax. The first rainfall doesn't happen untill then." Alhaitham informs with what you tought was a stoic face. It was a smile. Tough he was so bad at smiling, you'd never tell.

You nod and neaten your notes up a bit to occupy the silence that had befallen on you two.

That is untill something unexpected happned.

He took your left hand in his. Not strongly. Almost like he didn't want you to notice.

Like a ghost of a touch. But you weren't numb, you felt that.

"What are you doing?" You say in confusion as you look up at him and then back at your held hand.

"Nothing." He says stoically. His hand no longer holding yours. It's like it never happned. Thats how faint it felt.

Did it happen? Were you going crazy?

You blink and shrug it off, tough you can't help the hairs on your neck standing up.

Alhaitham just... creeped you out somehow. You didn't know if it was because of his eyes or simply because of how smart and powerfull he was. Perhaps both.

An awkward silence commenced between you and the scribe. Honestly, you wanted to get eaten by the floor right now.

It seems your awkwardness wasn't shared by Alhaitham as he simply watched you. Like a predator would it's prey.

Thats how it appeared to you at the very least. Alhaitham was actually just looking at you with loving eyes.

His face just couldnt portray that.

So, as the seconds ticked on agonizingly long you waited for any sort of words to come from him.

There were no words. He reached over and oh so gently brushed a stray strand of hair back into your usual hairstyle.

And guess what. He denied that too when you asked him what he was doing.

Were you... dreaming, perhaps?

Because this was too eerie to comprehend.

Just silently being stared at.

Luckily for you, your working hours came to an end and you could bid Alhaitham farewell. In... an awkard manner but it was polite.

You walked back to your little house outside of Sumeru's main city. Just casually cooking dinner.

If you had to guess, you'd need to meet with Alhaitham twice or thrice more to discus the plans for the actual thomb diving mission.

But for now, you could let that slip out of your worries.

A nice plate of spicy food later and you're in your bedroom. Observing various clues about the thomb.

Just some notes of old explorers and travelers, nothing out of the ordinairy.

No one's ever been inside. Thats the only thing salvageble about this project. You may have to work with Alhaitham, but you got to explore the unknown!

As such, days pass. You've discussed the plans with Alhaitham now. There was no need to see the man untill the first rainfall of the season.

So now, you could enjoy your daily activities.

Like talking to your crush- colleague.

A nice student at the Akedemia, like you.

You've known him since before you two enrolled here, and honestly, you've caught quite the crush.

But someone wasn't pleased with that.

You didn't notice, he knew you wouldn't, that he was watching from the sidelines.

Alhaitham had to watch how you fawned over some simpleton.

He almost felt bad for what he was about to do. Untill remembering that for once in his life, he was allowed to be selfish.

He had done his duties, helped the Akedemia. And look at that. You were one of the people in it. So shouldn't he get a reward of choice for being so helpfull and amazing?

He would, in due time. He only had to be patient for a couple more weeks.

______________________________________

"Y/N. Stop pacing like that." Alhaitham sneered in annoyance.

You've been pacing in front of the thombs entrance for half an hour now. The rain was slowly stopping. Only a few droplets falling on your soaked form.

Yes, Alhaitham had an umbrella, he even offered for you to cole stand under it with him but you declined.

Not wanting to stand that close to him or wait in one place.

He watched you pace. Your hair dripping rain water, he saw you shiver. But he couldn't act on his smothering insticts... yet.

You nod and stop pacing, now biting your lip and bouncing your foot as you wait.

Alhaitham sighed at your nervous behavior.

You tought he absolutly hated your guts... wich made the waiting all the more agonizing.

Eventually, the drizzle comes to a spot and the entrance opens.

You squeel and observe each and every detail in the newly opened door.

Alhaitham approached and put a firm and strong hand on your shoulder. Keeping you grounded.

He nudges you inside, tough he subtly makes you walk behind him, as if protecting you from... uh.. dust?

That analogy was very wrong since after you two descended the stairs, deeper into the thomb, there stand a robotic creature. Its face eroded.

It looked eerie and old. You were guessing this was the 'goddes'.

It surely was big enough for the title but you had a feeling that it's god-like beauty had long faded.

It creaks as it moves, the gears scraping against eachother harshly. It's old.

Alhaitham notices its movement and pushes you to the side of the room.

"Don't dare move, stay there." He orders in the harshest manner you've heard of him yet.

He unsheats his two swords and circles around the mechanic goddes in an intimidating way.

Even with its impressing size, you could already tell who would win.

The scribe waits for the bot to make it's first move as he circles it.

The mechanic goddes moves its arm for a swing. Its slow and creaky.

You bet ut was an unstopable killing machience back in its glory days.

As the bit has attacked first, Alhaitham takes the chance to strike it. First, a simple blow to put it off balance.

And then, a swift strike to the core.

He twists the blade and the bot twists and stutters untill it's few lights fade and it slumps to the ground with a loud thud.

It's mechanical body limp on the floor, sprawled out like a true goddes.

You almost feel sad for it. It had to protect this thomb and it tried... wich had led to its 'death'.

Alhaitham doesn't even spare a glance at it's body and turns back to you.

"Come on, we can move on." He says like that bot was nothing. Gesturing for you to come to him with his hand.

You shake your head to break out of your shock and step closer to him.

I mean, if he wanted you dead he would have let the robot do it...

He leads the way, further into the thomb.

Its beautifull.

The sunlight shines in from certain hole's in the roof and somehow the decorative fountains and ponds have remained clear over the centuries.

You look in awe at all the vines and flowers that grew here.

Its like a small paradise.

You got exited and ran around to see everything.

Taking photo's for the Akademia with your kamera. Surprisingly, Alhaitham didn't stop you from exploring. Wich was strange.

You had tought he'd be that cautious guy who would tell you to watch out for traps.

Maybe he was just as enamoured by the thomb as you!

You find multiple rooms. Its almost like it's a cool house.

A dining room made of the same stone as the thomb. Nicely decorated with plants and flowers.

Likewise were the other rooms.

A bathing room,  bedroom, multiple lounging rooms.

Yea, who-ever died here had a nice place to lounge in the afterlife.

So you continue trough the thomb, trying to find the actual room where the potential dead person was.

Perhaps a royal, or someone of high status?

You just had to know who this beautifull thomb was for!

You eventually cirkled back to the hall that lead to the room with the robot in.

Only to find the door...

Gone?

Closed?

Well whatever it was, it was now just a dead end. And that freaked you out.

You opened your mouth to shout for Alhaitham in a panicked manner, thinking he was still in the room with the bot, or perhaps in the thomb.

But you didn't get the chance to scream as he appeared behind you and put a hand on your mouth, silencing you siwftly as his other hand snaked around your waist in a firm grip.

"Don't scream. They won't hear you. Do you like my surprise darling?" He murmured as his breath hit your ear. He was close, uncomfrotably so.

He let his hand fall off your mouth so he could hug you closer.

"What do you mean?" You ask, voice shaky. Nothing was making sense.

"So smart, yet so clueless." Alhaitham chuckled and caressed your cheek with the back of his hand. Still standing behind you.

You felt offended, not to mention uncomfrotable.

You were left stunned as he kissed the top of your head.

So loving. What was happening.

"Y/N... you're mine now... do you realise that?" He whispers and turns you around softly, facing back to the thomb.

You were so confused, he found it adorable.

It was so easy to get you intrested in this thomb he had forged.

Create fake files. Make a bad robot. Some riddles...

And you were hooked! Enough to work with him. Something you never did, even avoided.

And now, you'd live here, where no one but him could admire you.

You liked this place no? The pretty water, the nature, the sunlight trough the ceiling.

You'd be stuck in paradise. Isn't that amazing?

Just you and him. You wouldn't be able to stare at that crush of yours, so he wouldn't have to get jealous.

It was a perfect plan. This way, you could have the whole thomb to walk around and live in, and he could keep you to himself.

"What is that even supposed to mean?" You practically growl and begin to squirm in his grip.

He laughs and lets go. He knew it wouldn't be easy to get you to love him back.

It didn't need to be easy. As long as he had you where he wanted. They had all the time in the world.

Oh how saddned the Akedemia would be to find out a student had gone missing.

Good thing he would take care for you.

"Relax, Y/N. Welcome to your new house. With me, your new husband." Alhaitham laughed, a genuine show of emotions but it only looked deranged to you. It just felt too out of character for the stoic scribe.

"You can't just decide that." You back away but he doesn't mind.

You'd realise his love for you in due time.

And he'd make that realization start with a passionate kiss.

______☆______ Okay Shows over, you can go home.

Lol, this was originally only slightly yandere and mostly angst, but i changed my mind ehe.

So now i hope you enjoyed this monstrosity, i dont even like Alhaitham either.

Have a nice day/night!

_____☆_____ Words: 2424

[ownedbythescribe]

Kaveh | Lily In Your Heart

ıllı Synopsis: Against his overwhelming guilt, how willing is Kaveh to take in your affection? Push. Pull. Such is the relationship between you two, yet you remained patient. You hoped that one day, he will finally open his heart again.

ıllı Genre: Angst, Comfort, Romance

ıllı Notes: Gender Neutral Reader

ıllı Warnings: Spoilers for Kaveh’s Character Story and Khvarena of Good and Evil World Quest, Mention of blood, Cursing

ıllı A/N: This story has been plaguing my mind since I read Kaveh’s character story. I knew I just had to write something about. I’m really happy with how it turned out. (P.S: I love this man so much!)

“I’m sorry! I’m sorry… I shouldn’t have— It should have been me! It’s all my fault! If only I didn’t wish for anything.” He cried, reaching his hand to the forgotten past. Tears streamed down his cheeks as his eyes searched around for hope, but there was nothing.

I stood behind his quivering visage, the words dying on my lips. It was not because I did not know what to say, but the fact that whatever I utter would never reach his ears. From experience, I already knew this was a dream, a memory I garnered from that man.

“Time stops for no one. Not even for him. Hopes and dreams twinkle in every being, but his has started to dim. Reality will catch up to him, one way or another. He cannot turn a blind eye to it for so long.” A gentle voice remarked. I turned to the small figure hovering beside me and greeted her with a nod.

We watched until the memory faded away like sands blown by the wind. It was an indicator of the dream ending. My companion flew in front of me and wiped the tears that had unknowingly trickled down my cheeks.

“Your heart is too pure, (Y/N). I hope you would not lose sight of what is important.” She muttered. I could only offer a small smile to which she returned with an exasperated sigh.

As customary, Sumeru City (known as the Central Hub of Knowledge and Wisdom) was bustling with activity. Students from the Akademiya rushed out to get their businesses and research outside done while others chatted with their friends about topics that were discussed by distinguished professors of the institution. Merchants, on the other hand, hollered the prices of their goods, enticing the common people with the benefits their products bring. There were also children and travelers littering the street of the city. What a mundane scene it was.

Currently, you were trudging up the path to the Sanctuary of Surasthana to report to the Dendro Archon. Lesser Lord Kusanali personally requested your assistance with an issue in the Vourukasha Oasis. According to her, the Traveler had come in contact with the Order of Skeptics (Nagarjunites) and the Pari who required their cooperation with regard to the Sign of Apaosha, which was the sealing in the hole in the sky. The beautiful shade of purple and green in the sky might look captivating to adventurers and travelers, but it held a foreboding essence that kept anyone near it on their toes. In fact, for those who were aware, the Harvisptokhm (the tree emitting the green light) prevented the abyssal power from crashing down on the desert of Sumeru.

“I can’t believe Zurvan and Fedhri kept these from me. I would have aided them should they— I swear, they’re treating me like a child too much.” You rasped. A frown marred your face at the thought of their actions. Before you could ponder more, you reached the sanctuary. It exuded an ethereal aura that you could not help but stand in awe.

Entering in caution, you spotted the person you were looking for. Nahida turned around after hearing the door open and greeted you with a smile. Her companion courteously nodded his head to which you returned with a bow. Taking out the report, you informed her of the current status of the area. Similar to what you gained from the Traveler, the seal at the Tunigi Hollow was indeed weakening. It was only a matter of time before it collapsed. You were unsure how many Pari were left in the oasis due to the inability to visit them, but they might have decreased in number considering the number of plumes of light scattered in Gavireh Lajavard alone.

“Singly from your assessment, the situation must be dire. I’d advise waiting out a report from the Traveler before joining them on their journey. A part of you must be concerned as to why the Pari kept this from you, right?”Nahida started. You looked down in contempt, unable to deny her words. It hurt that they hid it from you, but there must be a reason behind it. As much as you wished to join the Traveler immediately, it would be better if they continue with their progress first to get a better hold of the affair at hand.

“All right. You may dispatch me when you deem it safe for me to go. And don’t worry. I also feel like it’s my duty to see this through.” You grinned at the archon. Nahida returned the gesture before pivoting to her companion, whom you remembered as Wanderer, to give out orders. He did not bat an eye at your stature, but you knew he was aware of your presence. And maybe more.

Stepping out of the sanctuary, you were met with the cool breeze sweeping through your hair. It slowly calmed your nerves, allowing you to take in the sight of the vast rainforest ahead. Somehow, it reminded you of the first time you came into Teyvat. The slightly cold yet inviting waters of the Amrita streamed down your immaculate skin as your lunar eyes skimmed through the vibrant flora that surrounded your visage. The Pari were the first beings who greeted you, and they were the ones who introduced everything Teyvat had to offer. Albeit, it was not the best time years ago, they still did their utmost best.

“Got another mission from the Lesser Lord?” A baritone voice asked, cutting through your thoughts. You glanced to the side and saw Alhaitham walking up while reading his physics book. You were definitely sure he read that particular book several times already.

“Yep! But I have to wait for a couple more days for the Traveler to report back to Nahi— I mean Lesser Lord Kusanali.” You coughed. He shook his head at your cover-up. It was no secret that you have a unique relationship with the Dendro Archon. However, you did not fancy the misconception others might procure should you call her so familiarly, so you opted to call the young goddess by her title.

Alhaitham settled beside you and hummed in acknowledgment. The mission did not involve him, so there was no need for a fuss. The Lesser Lord trusted your capabilities enough to request your support. Small talks were added here and there until you asked him a peculiar question.

“How is Kaveh these days?” The Acting Grand Sage was caught off-guard. He presumed you would implore if Kaveh was available for dinner, walk, or another activity to drag the man into. A chuckle escaped your lips at his stupefied face, already guessing what was running through his head.

“Hmph. Can’t say much, but he’s been the same as usual. Loud and obnoxious. Last time, he even nagged about the dusty books in the living room while I had guests around. The audacity of that guy.” He huffed indignantly, quite agitated by his roommate.

There it was, Alhaitham’s infamous sharp tongue. It always amused you how they could tell each other’s flaws and strengths out loud without mercy (much so with the gray-haired male). One saw a reality he could not perceive for himself, while the other the guilt he had been running away from. Through constant understanding of each other, they forged a path only they could tread.

“Of course, you’ll say that. However, I’m glad that I can finally see diverse emotions on your face now. It seems like Kaveh is a good influence on you. Maybe not the gullible part, but you get what I mean.” You teased. Alhaitham gave you a deadpan look, shaking his head at your antics.

“And how about you? Aren’t you going to invite Kaveh somewhere? You’ve always been on his tail for as long as I recall.” He voiced. You smiled wryly and told him that your current mission needed to be prioritized. It still bothered you why the elder Pari kept the issue in the oasis from you. Alhaitham might not know the whole story about your past, but he understood that the situation may be appalling for you to be making such faces. However, he also had no intention to meddle in supernatural beings’ problems. It would be better to leave it in your hands, knowing that in no time, it would be resolved.

After chatting for a little bit more, you bid him farewell and went to the Grand Bazaar. Nilou was, once again, performing a spectacular dance up on the stage. Her fans kept growing every single day since art was unbanned from the Akademiya. It elated you to see the theatre flourish and have more people appreciate art.

“Hmm? Is that Faruzan?” You mumbled, tilting your head in confusion as to why the Haravatat scholar was in the area.

Walking towards her, you noticed unique books and scrolls being sold by an old man casually sipping tea. They all appeared ancient and valuable, so you decided to check around as well. Faruzan, who was finally out of her stupor, greeted you with vigor. She informed you that the items being sold were famous a hundred years ago, during her time. It piqued your interest, and as you scanned the booth, you found two blueprints from the desert. Kaveh would love it, you thought.

“Is that for Kaveh?” Faruzan asked.

“Why is he the first thing you’d ask? It could be for myself.” You defended. She gave you a blank stare and reasoned out that there was no way you would study complicated prints like that. Rather, you would choose research on elements or pastime novels to scrutinize.

Sighing, you conceded and admitted that it was indeed for the Kshahrewar graduate. She grinned and then paid for her stuff before asking you to join her window shop and eat dinner. Although you would prefer to spend the rest of the day alone, it would help clear your head of worries by frolicking with the cyan-haired scholar around.

“Let’s go! I’ve got a lot to talk about. Let’s start with my latest one. Do you remember Tamimi? So, the Traveler and I went to the desert to….” You let her trail, happy to listen to her rambles.

Kaveh never anticipated his life to end up like this. The memories of his father passing and his mother remarrying in Fontaine (leaving the blond alone) still hunted him to this day. He thought that with compassion and hard work, he would be happy once more, but chasing after a fantasy he called dreams brought him despondency and frustration.

Soon, Kaveh found himself in debt after finishing his magnum opus, the Palace of Alcazarzaray. It became the talk of the town, but hearsays neglected the story behind it. The Light of Ksharehwar (a title that did not sway him) had to pour out his whole savings after an unfortunate event, including his old home (if he could even call a building whose warmth has long extinguished home that is). It cost him arms and legs to finish the project, but he was a martyr who offered his entire fortune to the altar of ideals.

When the Kshahrewar graduate lost his home, he entered a period of melancholy. He was directionless, empty even. Lambad's Tavern became his temporary home. Searching for inspiration became his excuse whenever his acquaintances found him sitting at a lone table by the tavern. When discussing life matters, you and Alhaitham were the hot topic of their talks. He remembered the Scribe due to their joint research years ago, but he did not recognize you. His associates only had a few things to say about you, but they were always about your peculiar aura, behavior, and understanding of the world. That fact flew over his head as the alcohol distorted his thoughts.

Coincidentally, Kaveh met you and Alhaitham in the tavern days later. The latter hoped to have a well-deserved dinner and alcohol. Both of you could tell that he was in a bad situation, and that faithful night, Kaveh poured out his woes. Alhaitham listened intently to his words. On the other hand, you attempted to converse with the blond, who already seemed drunk from a few cups of rose wine.

"Then, how has realizing your ideals gone for you?" The Scribe asked. Kaveh was silent. He did not know what reality to accept anymore. What he yearned for was a fantasy, but in your eyes, it was stupid altruism that only hurt him. Still, he firmly believed in his ideals, even at the cost of losing himself. It was out of instinct, but you found yourself reaching out a hand to sweep away the tears that slid down his cheeks. His will drew you to the man. Alhaitham noticed the strange gesture and turned to you in confusion, but he found you floored and shedding tears.

"Hey, are you all right?" He asked, concerned about your well-being.

"His... His memories hit me hard. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have touched him so carelessly." You groaned, feeling dizzy at the barrage of memories. As for the blond, he was already passed out on the table, unaware of the predicament he caused. Taking out the handkerchief, you wiped away the dampness in your cheeks. At that moment, the seed of affection had already grown in your heart.

The following day, Alhaitham offered his home to the blond. It was your suggestion, and he found himself agreeing. Most likely because he saw in Kaveh a mirror of himself, projecting what he both possessed and lacked. He had a part of the Scribe that he once imagined, one of the truths he had been searching for. The way he expressed his emotion so openly, his strange intellect and perseverance, as well as his humility amidst illusory altruism drew him in. But in no way would he let Kaveh know any of that lest he inflated his nonexistent ego.

Kaveh continued to live as he was before, but now, with a house to come back to. He would now connect with his friends with an ecstatic aura around him. However, there was one enigma that he could not fathom, more like he could not accept because of trepidation. It was you.

Kaveh believed he should not fall in love because how could he when he only hurt those people around him? Even when he drank and shared moments with Alhaitham, Cyno, and Tighnari, he kept a part of him at arm's length from them. But you? You kept on reaching out to him. Inviting him to stroll around the Avidya Forest, asking him out for dinner in Lambad's Tavern, and enticing him with rare blueprints from the desert that he had not seen before. He realized your intentions, and if he was to be honest, he also learned to like you. Your radiant aura charmed him, but it felt wrong for him.

He surmised it to be the guilt that never left his side.

"Hey, Kaveh! Your head is in the clouds again. The food's getting cold! Eat up." Tighnari nagged. Kaveh blinked owlishly before sheepishly grabbing one panipuri and dipping it in the sauce. He took his wine and watched Alhaitham and Cyno play. The match was heating up, and none of them seemed ready to give up any time soon.

"So, I heard that (Y/N) fancies you? What do you say about that?" The Forest Watcher teased. The blond choked on his wine and reddened, spouting that he could never accept your affection. Tighnari raised an eyebrow at that.

"And why is that?" He pushed.

"It's better if they choose another person than me. I admit that (Y/N) is an outstanding person, but they're too much for me. I... Sometimes, it feels like they know me too much. It's unsettling, but maybe it's just me. I don't want to lead them on." He confessed, keeping the truth to himself. It was better for him to take that secret to the grave.

Alhaitham, with half of his mind in the game, furrowed his eyebrows at his roommate's words. He wanted to voice out his opinions, but your secrets were yours to tell. As for Tighnari, he was about to argue against it when his eyes zeroed in on your stunned figure. His eyes widened in realization. Surely, you heard Kaveh considering you were just a few tables away. Kaveh was confused by his expression until he turned around. There you were, fiddling with your fingers while sporting a pained smile.

Faruzan glanced at you in worry, but you meekly laughed and walked towards their table. Alhaitham was about to greet you when you shook your head and set down the blueprints you found in the bazaar.

"It must have been disturbing. I'm sorry about that. Please take this as my last gift. I'll stay out of your sight for your sake." You murmured. Kaveh flinched and stammered an answer. Under normal circumstances, this would have made you laugh, but your lips quivered from the ache your heart endured. If you say anything else, you were afraid you would break down eventually. Without hesitation, you bowed down and left the tavern.

The Haravatat female whipped her head back to the younger male and glared at him. She gritted her teeth in anger, ready to speak her mind, but she chose to rush out of the building and catch up to you. Kaveh winced at his mistake and abruptly stood from his chair to see if he could apologize, but there was no sign of you outside. Only the buzz of the insects and the murmur of people in the tavern surrounded him.

'You idiot! How could you be so... Ugh!'

Kaveh went back inside solemnly, unable to erase the disheartened look on your face. His heart was heavy with guilt, another misfortune to add to his increasing list. Tighnari noticed the forlorn gleam in his eyes and discerned that his friend failed to apologize and explain himself. Suddenly, a loud sigh could be heard from beside them. Alhaitham precipitously stood up and glowered at him.

“I’m opposed to taking sides in arguments, but how could you let your mouth run like that? And unsettling, you say? You know none of what they’ve been through, fool. Ugh, you irritate me. Don’t even bother coming home.” He spat, leaving the tavern bitterly. It was the first time the Kshahrewar graduate saw his roommate mad. Their usual banter could not even compare to the intensity the Acting Grand Sage exuded.

Cyno turned to Kaveh and consoled him that he could stay in his home in Gandharve Ville for tonight. It was best to reflect on his words before confronting you and Alhaitham about it. Stunned, he could only nod. Tighnari, who was confused by the ordeal, inferred that there was more to you than meets the eye. Based on Alhaitham's claims, he clearly knew something they did not.

“I… I’ll go look for them tomorrow and ask for their forgiveness. They did not deserve that and… Alhaitham's right. How could I call them creepy? I’m so stupid.” He ruefully laughed. The two eyed each other in worry.

The following day, Kaveh roamed the city in search of you. His first stop was the Akademiya. His stomach squeezed in discomfort at the sight of the institution looming over his figure. Memories of his academic days resurfaced, and it was anything but happy. With a heavy sigh, he entered the place and asked the students present in the hall.

"Hi, I hope it's not a bother to ask, but do you know (Y/N)? Is it possible if you could tell me where they are right now?" He adjured.

"(Y/N)? Umm... Oh, is it that creepy senior?" One of the students piped. Kaveh furrowed his eyebrows in confusion and perturbation. Another student recognized the name and confirmed that it was indeed the same person.

"What do you mean?" Kaveh muttered. The young ones before him glanced at each other before recalling their experience with you. It was a year ago when one of them had the opportunity to work with you. As a graduate of your desired Darshan, you did not mind having a junior join you in your research and work outside the Akademiya. However, it was during your journey with them that they noticed your strange behavior which included weirdly knowing their likes and dislikes (they did not explicitly say anything), understanding their emotions, and reading them like an open book. Although there were times when they see you wear gloves or refuse to come into contact with others. You would use the excuse that you were dirty or sick when it did not look the part.

"I still can't believe I survived working under them. I still feel shivers down my spine for how eerie they were. Why are they even part of the Akademiya?" The younger male pointed. Kaveh had enough of his ill words and shook his head. He gave them a cold thanks and left, but not before leaving aggravated words to his juniors.

"You shouldn't bad-mouth your seniors like that just because they could read you like an open book. Your emotions show in your face, stupid."

To say they were flabbergasted by Kaveh's change in attitude was an understatement, but he was too irritated to care. The lack of disrespect did not sit well with him. You worked diligently and would always dedicate a portion of your time to assisting your juniors. How could they treat you as such just because you were not like the others?

"Maybe the professors will know." He mumbled, but even the instructors in the Akademiya shrugged their shoulders, oblivious to your whereabouts. So, he decided to check the Grand Bazaar for any sightings only to come up empty-handed. It was when he noticed a familiar item being sold by an old man casually eating candied nuts.

"Ho? Why hello there, young man. Are you interested in these? Aya, you remind me of the youngster who brought the pricey ones yesterday. They were with a friend who teased them about it. Something about gifting it to the person they fancied? Hohoho, how youthful." He cheered. Kaveh pieced his words together and realized that it was you he was talking about. In his mind, he questioned why you were willing to go to lengths just to receive his affection. It did not make sense to him, and his curiosity pushed him to seek you.

"I'm... taking this one, please. And they sound like a wonderful person." He responded. The old man guffawed once more.

"They are, indeed. What a blessing for me to see a young spirit like them. Hohoho!" He murmured, a flicker of nostalgia present in his sunken eyes. Kaveh caught his words and was about to ask if he could expound on it, but the old man was gone as well as the things he sold. It was like he did not exist in the first place.

'What the....' He was sure he slept well and did not take any strange medications from Tighnari. Was it the stress?

No one from the bazaar seemed to notice what happened, so he merely shook his head and slowly backed away from the place. He carried on with his search for you. However, it was as if you disappeared that night without anyone's knowledge.

Three days later, he sought and asked Faruzan for your whereabouts despite her displeasure with him. She let out an exasperated sigh and meekly answered that she did not catch up to you. When she visited your home, you were not there. Fear crept up in his heart. He did not know where to look for you anymore, then he recalled another person he could consult.

Three knocks on the door, and a 'Come in' echoed from the other side.

"Tch. Now, what brings you here?" Alhaitham sneered. Kaveh winced internally at his temper.

"(Y/N), please tell me where they are." He begged. The Acting Grand Sage placed the quill down and bore his eyes in his own. The architect could feel himself crumble under his intense gaze but remained firm. An apology was in order, and there was no excuse not to do so.

"Why? So that you could hurt them again as those bastards did? So that their heart will be torn once again? Tell me, Kaveh, why should I tell you where they are?" He challenged. Kaveh bit his lower lip in frustration. He disliked Alhaitham's protective nature over you, but he understood where he was coming from. The only question in his mind was what the Acting Grand Sage meant by hurting you again. What happened years ago? For now, he should justify himself in front of the man.

"I... have no excuse. I indeed found how they know me so well disturbing. I don't know how or why, but I want to find out. I also want to apologize. No matter what, they did not deserve that. I feel so guilty, Alhaitham. Please understand that there are a lot of things I'm scared to face. I—" He stopped. Clenching his fist tightly nicked his skin, and blood stained his palm. A loud sigh was heard from the man in front of him.

"Vourukasha Oasis. They briefly mentioned it after begging the Dendro Archon to send them to the desert earlier than planned. Now get out of my office. You've wasted enough of my time." Alhaitham glared. Kaveh, although with difficulty, expressed his gratitude and left immediately.

'Did I do the right thing?' Alhaitham thought to himself. He picked up his quill and resumed his work. It would be up to you whether you would talk to Kaveh or not anyway.

The architect, eager to see you, asked Mehrak for the quickest route to the oasis. His eyes bulged at the distance. He would have to cross the Desert of Hadramaveth and pass Gavireh Lajavard before reaching the Realm of Farakhkert. It was a mystery to him how you reached the oasis in such a small amount of time.

"All right. There's no time to lose!" He muttered, encouraging himself.

The Desert of Hadramaveth seemed clearer to tread now unlike before. He recalled the sandstorm in the region to be harsh and dangerous. Mehrak beeped and warned him that there were Eremites ahead of them. He prepared his weapon and battled his way through. It took him a day and a half just to reach the Sands of Three Canals.

"Mehrak, map please." Kaveh requested, huffing in exhaustion from the long walk they did. Mehrak chimed and projected the map of Sumeru. His eyes squinted at the sight of the Tunigi Hollow and recalled the rumors of a lost Darshan present in the area. From what he remembered, they were called the Order of Skeptics, and they split from the Akademiya due to an incident years ago. There were rumors of internal conflict within the Order, and he wondered what made several of their members side with the Abyss. Desires fueled by evil intent would only result in downfall.

After mapping his route, he resumed his journey. The sand was getting in his shoes, but he shrugged it off and glanced around for danger. It was until he reached the Temir Mountains did he notice the Traveler, Paimon, and another strange creature in the distance. Paimon creased her forehead at his figure and realized it was their architect friend.

"Oh! It's Kaveh. Hey, what are you doing here?" She asked.

"It's nice to see you again. I'm looking for someone. They're a scholar from the Akademiya who goes by the name (Y/N). Have you, in any possible case, encountered them?" Kaveh hoped. The three peered at each other, immediately recognizing your name.

"Why are you looking for (Y/N)? They are back in the oasis, helping out the Pari. By them, I mean this little one over here." Traveler responded, pointing at the scarlet avian-like creature beside them. Before Kaveh could say a thing, another Pari came rushing in. She seemed to be panicking, and by the time she reached them, she poured her worries about you fighting off a bunch of Fatui soldiers.

"(Y/N) is fighting a lot of bad people! It was so scary! I am not sure if they could handle it. Please, Sister Sorush, Yasnapati, Pale Floaty, you've got to save them!" She cried. Kaveh, alarmed by it, pleaded to the Pari to guide him instead. She tilted her head in confusion and demanded who he was.

"Kaveh, my name is Kaveh. I am their friend. Please let me help them." He sought. Sefana examined the architect and ascertained his sincerity. Unlike the humans she encountered, the man before her was earnest and willing to help. She meekly nodded and flew off. Kaveh followed suit, not bothering to listen to the Traveler.

Kaveh arrived at the site only to see a deserted camp, empty of the claimed ferocious Fatui soldiers. Turning to the side, he found you wiping the dust out of your clothes. He blinked owlishly at the sight, confused by the whole ordeal.

"Now, let's go back and ask Zurvan what in Teyvat she was thinking of keeping these from me." You huffed out loud, extinguishing the Hvarna in your hand. But when you spun around, your eyes met that of his crimson ones. You flinched and asked what they were doing in such a dangerous place.

"Especially you, Sefana. Zurvan is going to scold Sorush and me should you stay here. Don't worry about me, I'll be back in a few." You assured the Pari. She rushed to you and hugged your head before heading back to the oasis.

Once she was gone, you gazed back to Kaveh. You sheepishly apologized that he caught sight of you again, so you walked away before he could utter anything. Suddenly, you felt a tight grip on your wrist. You were about to ask what was wrong when he stammered a response. A moment of silence reigned over you two before he found his voice.

"I'm truly sorry about what I said. I... I was just confused and scared because how do you know so much about me? How do you know what to say? I already lost a lot in my life, (Y/N). If it's not evident enough, I'm as miserable as there is. I feel so guilty receiving your affection, so please, just hate me." He begged. You were stunned until you could not hold the amusement in your lips. He was confused by your outburst before you utilized the power of Hvarna and projected your ability.

"I could never despise you, Kaveh. Not in a million or thousand years." You replied, mirth dancing in your eyes.

Bubbles of memories appeared before him. He saw his own and was astonished by the sight. You floated by his side and pointed at one of the memories that made you fall in love with him. It was the time he poured out blood and tears to finish the Palace of Alcazarzaray even when Dori sneered at him for wasting her time and Mora.

"What are you, (Y/N)?" He genuinely asked.

"Hmm, are you sure you can handle what I am, Light of Kshahrewar?" You teased, a lilt echoing in your words. He nodded, eager to understand you.

With a satisfied sigh, you dispersed the bubble of memories and presented your own recollection, mostly those that you remember. Time was cruel. It eroded a number of your beautiful memories.

"I am a Lunar Spirit born from the Amrita, it's the pure water present in the Vourushka Oasis. I grew alongside the Pari, guardians of the oasis meant to protect Sumeru from the Abyss. We have a duty to purify those affected by abyssal corrosion. However, centuries ago, I asked the elder Pari to let me roam Teyvat and learn about the world. I settled in Sumeru for some time. Several people knew my identity such as the Lesser Lord Kusanali, Alhaitham, Wanderer, Traveler, Paimon, and now, you. To answer why I knew so much of you is because of my power as an empath." You explained. Because of your origin, your ability as an empath was amplified. It allowed you to see several memories when you touch people. Kaveh's eyes widened. Now, he discerned the reason for your actions.

"At first, it was just to help you get over your guilt, but eventually, I fell in love with you. I wanted you to know that you also deserve love and happiness and that there is no need for pain to lighten the guilt. I am sure that your family also wishes for you to be happy, Kaveh. What happened in the past was not your fault. Fate... can be fickle, that's all I can say. Your journey as of now may not have been the smoothest, and you remained firm with your ideals. That's the beauty of living. So, I hope that... with my help, you'll open your heart again. Allow yourself to truly feel." You sullenly voiced. Kaveh stared at your form and then at the oasis not far from them. It was strange to have someone figure out the truth he had been running away from. Maybe it was time for him to give his happiness a chance. It might take him a long time, but he would like to take the risk.

Gaining a bit of courage, he turned to you and inquired.

"Will it be all right if I tread this path with you by my side?" This time, it was your turn to flush red at his confession.

"Are you all right having a strange significant other like me?" Anxiety laced your tone. Kaveh reached for your hand and intertwined it with his.

"I couldn't have asked for more."

BONUS:

After your sincere apologies and heartfelt confession, you two returned to the oasis and met up with Zurvan. You demanded an explanation from the elder Pari why they hid it from you, and she explained that your duty was to purify the Amrita pool and energize the Harvisptokhm once it had been healed. She thought that it was not yet the time to do it until Sorush came rushing back with the need to purge the problem.

Moments later, Traveler, Paimon, and Sorush arrived, the latter having a deadpan look on her face. They were right that Sefana failed to assess the situation properly and quickly ran to them for help. Mere Fatui soldiers would not be enough to bring you down.

"Speaking of them. Hey, Traveler, Paimon, Sorush! Over here! I see you've attacked the source of the problem. Thank you!" You cheered. Paimon floated to you and asked if they have to do more.

"Don't worry. Leave the last part to me. You can stand there with Kaveh and the others." You directed.

After walking a few feet from them, you concentrated the Hvarna in your chest. A power, unknown to those watching, accumulated until it burst and went underground. The flora around them became vibrant. Kaveh witnessed a spectacular sight, but one scene that would forever be etched in his mind was your divine look under the mystical glow of the oasis.

Zurvan recognized the look in Kaveh's crimson eyes and asked if he could truly love somebody like you. He was caught off guard by the elder Pari, but he took a deep breath and firmly stated that he would cherish you. The guilt harboring in his heart had been released, and you were the reason for it. It was time he let go of that and choose his happiness this time.

"How bold, human. However, I shall permit. Take care of our Little Lily. They deserve every ounce of love there is to offer." She said.

"That they do." Kaveh agreed, watching the scene before him with contentment.

"Kaveh! Come here! We can bring this home according to Sefana." You gleefully claimed, taking in two Sunyata flower stalks in your arms.

'Home, huh? It's been such a long time since I heard that word earnestly, but with you in it? Yes, I would love to call wherever you are my home.' He thought before joining you, his happiness.

Please do not copy or repost my stories, but notes and reblogs are always appreciated!

[wataksampingan]

This was supposed to be some form of Therdeo Dane Lapileon Defense Thesis but my brain cannot pull off all the necessary research to do it justice.

So I guess let’s just brain dump all my thoughts and feelings?? About this manhwa?? (Spoilers for the story up to episode 63 on Webtoons and 66 on Naver Webtoons)

...this also gets FAR too long so cut is here for sanity’s sake. Tl;dr Theo Lapileon is a wounded puppy and I want him to be happy gdi

I need to preface the Theo content by saying that I adore Pereshati. I think she’s one of the more realistic heroines that I’ve read, in the sense that she’s plucky and determined but she damn well knows how the game is played. Every move she makes is plagued with doubt and uncertainty coz she’s only a minor noble, and one with an unbelievable story at that. (Resurrecting after being fed poisonous blood and getting thrown back in time is a stretch for anyone). But whenever she does decide to do something, she handles herself with the kind of poise you’d expect from a grown woman who knows how polite society works. It’s the kind of elegance and maturity that the novel’s Perry doesn’t have.

I wonder very much how seungu would have thrown Perry into Theo’s way if they had had full control of the adaptation because the first... 10? episodes or so reads very much like a typical isekai manhwa: she’s murdered, she awakes, and then immediately besieges Theo with a proposal, simply because he needs to marry someone to get the emperor/princess off his back. The Perry we see currently in the latest chapters would likely have done something smarter/more socially acceptable/conventional simply because imperial pressure or no, why the fuck would the grand duke entertain a minor noble they’ve never met before?

Granted, this is quite in line with Theo’s character in the first few episodes as well (which is lampshaded in a later chapter AND I LOVED IT) whose excuse for entertaining her absurd request/proposal is just “I got curious about the woman who kept bombarding us with messages”. The Theo we see later, who just burns letters from the Fourth Princess Dodolea without even thinking about it, would have hardly buckled under that kind of insistence.

This is all pure speculation of course because the artist, seungu, has no social media I could trace. The original novel’s writer, Han Yoonseol, has Twitter and various socmed that show an active writing career and interest in the MILAOWM webtoon. But the artist? Nothing, apart from their work. They’ve completed a previous series (Google translated to “New Year’s Taste”) but that also seems like an adaptation. I have no access to their thought process, rationale or any inkling of why certain decisions were made. 

Whatever the case though, those decisions so far have me hooked. They’re making changes that reflect something more... realistic, with higher stakes and actual consequences for the actions of the characters. E.g. you can’t humiliate, much less threaten, members of the nobility at a public function in front of a crowd without some sort of retaliation. Theo in the novel actually threatens to kill a nobleman in cold blood in front of a gathered audience whereas Theo in the manhwa does this in private.

Well, I say threaten. In the manhwa, he has just a fraction of the dialogue Novel!Theo says. Just one or two lines before he snaps and is about to decapitate a mofo before being restrained by his guards. The bullying incident that precipitates this is also dealt with realistic actions and importantly, contains a reflection on Perry’s part about the power and privilege the Lapileons have in this universe. I don’t know if this foreshadows anything but my mind has gone as far as the dissolution of the empire/defection to an enemy kingdom (and the loss of their noble titles) by the end of the whole manhwa. Far-fetched? Maybe, but I have so much faith in seungu by now and so little idea of what they’re planning that I won’t be surprised.

Manhwa!Therdeo Lapileon is also extremely taciturn and poker-faced, to all the natural disadvantages this sort of personality entails. Everything we know about him is told in silent images, or expressions we explicitly don’t see. This is a man who believes in actions over words, who has no idea that open communication is a Thing and that doing stuff behind a person’s back without telling them can backfire at times (”I’m gonna have someone follow my wife’s ex-fiance around without telling her, and that got her kidnapped. SHIT.”) And all the backstory that’s been hinted at so far gives us very sad explanations how he turned out this way.

One could very justifiably argue that actually, the entire Lapileon family is a collection of sad iron woobies. Saoirse lost her husband and only son because of her own blood, Phineas is doing his level best to save his family but keeps seeing them die despite his medical expertise, Gloria probably had a HELL of a marriage to survive this long, and the poor children have had their own bouts of suffering and daddy issues. And of course there’s also Pereshati who’s been murdered about 3-4 times at this point, and lost a most beloved father to a stepmother she loved to the moon and back.

BUT. Theo.

If the housekeeper’s flashback in Episode 47 is anything to go by, and if I’m guessing right, Theo and Saoirse’s father (maybe grandfather? Unclear at this point but let’s go with father for now) was a nightmare of a man. Slaughtering servants for infractions was probably a regular threat in the Lapileon home, and judging from that flashback during the episodes when they first find Islette, so was torturing and testing his younger son’s limits. His survival in the family was due to his “usefulness”.

One can suspect that of the three siblings, Theo was the one with the softest heart. We have no idea what his older brother (Celphi’s dad) was like yet and Saoirse is a Lapileon to the core: toughened enough to do what is needed, hardened even further by tragedy. She’s also a mom, which is why harming Islette earned Gen a rightful and vicious stiletto-heels-to-the-face-ass kicking. It also gets Theo a reprimand: get his shit together or step down from the headship of the family.

(And I’m just. Saoirse, honey, I love and respect you immensely and to be stepped on by your footwear of choice would be my honour. But that’s your younger brother we’re talking about. And he’s been emotionally sucker punched in just about every aspect. He’s trying, okay?)

I’m just saying that when you’re a child, and abused to that degree, sympathy from the devil is still sympathy. Of course it echoes to the present day even as a full-grown, supposedly rational adult. Of course it’s going to fuck you up.

You were also probably raised to put family above all (witness Theo not trusting Perry with the full truth of Celphi’s condition until circumstances force his hand, Saoirse only fully warming up to her once it’s clear she loves Celphi without any ulterior motive, Gloria immediately expecting her to be wrong about the family blood being sold, only to be confounded by the awful truth that this stranger to the family was right). You’ve been operating on the full expectation that any Lapileon would follow that creed. How could they not? Their curse is too great a responsibility.

Then you’re forced to confront the devil who once gave you rare comfort as a child, and that devil bears your family name and blood. Not only does he spout the most heinous things you’ve never imagined, he also manages to hit you where it hurts: you have used your blood. You have used it for your own benefit. Are you truly no better than he is? Who are you to judge him?

(Never mind that the devil is a liar and is trying to save his own ass which is why Saoirse, who has a better understanding of her own identity and self-worth, doesn’t give him enough time to say anything - she just kicks the shit out of him)

Is it any wonder Theo hesitates to do anything harsher?

Everything he does implies a reluctance to inflict lethal force if it can be helped. Perry remarks on it when he first removes Schiff without killing him the day they got married. He doesn’t even draw his sword on the assassin at the parade, merely KICKING HIM INTO ORBIT subduing him long enough to be taken in by the guards. The only times he has killed someone in the story is Perry’s ex-fiance who had kidnapped and blackmailed her, and... well, Perry herself.

(Which again goes back to that weird early episode installment - how do you reconcile him feeding her his blood in such a cavalier manner with the gravity of his responsibility as head of the family to ensure their blood isn’t used exactly like that?

You give him a HUGEASS dose of remorse and guilt later on when Gen accuses him of also using the blood to his own advantage, and then have him offer a sincere apology to the woman he experimented on.)

He also very nearly murdered the father of the child who bullied his ward. But even that was prevented by Raymon, the guard. This is more speculation on my part but his personal guards - who are all loyal to him beyond a doubt - may have been instructed (by him?) to restrain Theo, maybe to make sure he doesn’t repeat the sins of his father who just murdered people as and when it suited him. I don’t know if seungu would even bring this up at some point but I’ll be thrilled if that is the case.

This abusive childhood is compounded by the trauma of war. Theo specifically is credited with just swooping in out of the blue and ending the conflict between the Castor Empire and the kingdom of Schwartz. His reaction to being hailed a hero is to show up covered in blood to report to the emperor, and then disappear back to the country without attending any ceremonies. It earns him the notorious reputation of being “the bloodthirsty war fiend”.

Judging from Episode 13, what he really earned was a lifelong diagnosis of PTSD and various other neuroses. “Fuck this noise, I’m going home” was a reasonable reaction from a man who has no care or time for polite society. I'd go a bit further to suggest he also didn’t want to hear his actions being lauded as heroic when all he experienced was violence and death (re: that line about him being glad his statue was destroyed, that it’d been a stain on his honour). Whatever he did was to satisfy the emperor who has some form of hold over him, and absolutely no respect for the Lapileons (every single reaction from any imperial family member, even creepy Dodolea, has been sneering condescension or reluctant compliments). So from that perspective, why the hell would he have stayed to schmooze at the castle?

There are no therapists in Castor clearly coz Theo does what most soft-hearted introverts do and represses the shit out of his trauma. Just... stuff it WAY down into the depths of his subconscious and never address it because what the fuck else would you expect him to do? Talk about his ~*~feelings~*~ in the Lapileon house where weakness is a death sentence? No, he bundles it all behind his iron mask and resigns himself to literal nightmares for the rest of his existence.

The timeline has yet to be properly established, but I'm guessing that he comes back from war only to find that his brother has died and sister-in-law has just upped and left. Which means baby Celphi is left in his care. I’m not sure why Saoirse wasn’t the one to adopt him, but I’m guessing since he’s the next in line to the grand dukedom, it ‘makes sense’ that Grand Duke Therdeo has to be in charge of him. (Saoirse not being able to become head of the family just because she’s a woman is another sticking point that I suspect will be key to resolving this entire mess) (how/when exactly he becomes Theo’s ward is subject to many theories since the timeline of the story hasn’t been actually clearly explained; a guess that a friend and I have settled on is perhaps at the time, securing Celphi’s place as a ‘spare heir’ after Saoirse, Saoirse’s son and Theo in the line of succession would have been a practical decision. Either that or, more plausibly, Theo saw Celphi in himself and just decided to adopt the boy. Which makes this next part even more tragic)

The image of Theo in a soldier’s uniform looking helplessly into the cradle, with baby Celphi reaching up to him, broke me when I first saw it. It explains every mistake Theo made in trying to raise him.

He was a soldier. What the hell would he know about raising children (even if the theory that he chose to adopt this boy is correct)? He loves this tiny child with every breath, and he’d do anything for Celphi - but most of what he knows is how to fight and die. How the fuck does that help?? Not only that, his only experience of fatherhood is the shadow of a man who abused him so severely. What is that supposed to teach a man about parenting?

Clearly not much, considering his very shocked reaction when Celphi ends up demanding what he was supposed to think when his guardian/uncle kept ignoring him all the time while he was growing up.

And the boy is correct. Theo has no answer. He fucked up (again), and he didn’t know he was fucking up so hard.

But my god, he keeps trying to make up for it. It’s awkward and uncomfortable, but Theo shows up every day to pick him up from school with Perry; he’s even glad Celphi yells at him about killing Perry because that means he’s not turning out to be Therdeo 2.0. Celphi is expressing feelings and opinions and even if they turn the boy against him, so be it - at least it’s coming out. It may be too late for Theo to learn how to express emotions but at least his ward won’t make the same mistakes.

Which is why IT HURTS SO MUCH IN EPISODE 63 TO SEE HIM SO CRESTFALLEN. After suggesting to Perry she stay away from the Lapileon house for a while, she says she will and the dialogue translates to:

“Thank you for your kind consideration.”

THERE ARE THREE - T H R E E - PANELS where his face/expression isn’t shown at all but you can ABSOLUTELY TELL HE’S 360 DEGREES OF ANGUISHED.

This woman - this beacon of hope that he’s come to have feelings for (all the subtle blushing and unseen pining looks have been sprinkled very well throughout the chapters so far) - has just had to go through the ordeal of a trial (along with months of preparation before that) where she had to send her stepmother to 35 years of hard labour, among other things, for the murder of her father. She's just had to reconcile the mother she knew with the killer sitting in the dock, and the cries of a stepsister she once loved. And all this with the knowledge that it's the Lapileons’ blood that ultimately killed her father. There’s a stray thought that poisonous blood or no, her stepmother would have found some way to kill her dad.

But it doesn’t change how it was their blood - his blood - that killed Count Zahardt. It is Lapileon blood that has tortured Perry, the woman responsible for bringing out the best in his adopted son, discovering little Islette and bringing warmth back to this frozen wasteland of a household (to paraphrase Daniel Molton who is a treat of a character, I love him so much).

Yes, he's essentially thrown his immense resources into legal recourse, released her from their obligatory contract, and offered her help in being independent and free from them. He's done many, many things to try and make her current situation comfortable.

Yet the fact remains that she basically rescued so many parts of his life, and he inadvertently destroyed hers. Nothing he does will bring her father back.

Yet she won’t curse him or his family, won’t demand any form of recompense, won’t even give him the cold shoulder, despite everything in her that says she should. Her line “leave me be so I can resent you” is so good and so sad and my HEART disintegrated.

The most ironic thing is that Theo would’ve probably understood that reaction better. The justified reaction would have been to storm and rage at him. He knows what to do with anger.

Instead, she said thank you for your kind consideration.

And he can’t say anything to that as she walks away.

HIS LIFE HAS BEEN AND IS FUCKING SAD. AND IT’S GOING TO GET WORSE.

Episode 64 is already up on Naver and Dodolea is about to do a NUMBER on his ALREADY VERY FRAGILE PSYCHE. What she calls love - and what some of us may have suspected as straightforward obsession for his attentions - is seeming more and more like a love of torturing him, and watching him squirm.

He has to sit for a portrait in the palace (emperor’s orders probably because he just wants to jerk Theo’s chain around), and cannot escape when she comes into the room to sit and watch. There’s no good reason for him to leave, so he just has to grit his teeth and bear it.

And she laughs at his discomfort. She laughs and calls it “cute”.

The rage and fear in his face when she does so is alarming from someone whose poker face is usually immaculate. It sucks so much strength/spirit from him that it alarms Daniel who greets him at the house. I have a feeling that he’s about to just shatter into pieces since Episode 66′s thumbnail has him turned away, lying on a pillow. And then I will shatter, coz this dude CANNOT catch a break.

At some point, I came to the conclusion that Theo was soft-hearted and I cannot tell you when exactly that was. It's testament to how seungu weaves in his quiet charm throughout the chapters so we can see why Perry might possibly fall for him apart from his handsome face (even if at this point, that is the FURTHEST thing from her mind). There are huge things of course like rescuing her from her kidnapping and financing her legal battles.

But the little warm things speak volumes: learning how to dance so he could accompany her to a ball, saying yes immediately when she suggests maybe he could just reply to people, telling the servants to make her special tea when he found out she also had trouble sleeping, bringing a hot water pack(?) to ease her cramps, rushing back for her auction, squeezing her hand as he helps her into the carriage because that’s all he can do after the trial. (seungu did you also watch Pride and Prejudice (2005)? Did you see the hand flex scene and immediately decide to use this? Inquiring minds must know. Also inquiring minds screamed when they first saw that scene becausE HAND TOUCHES ARE GOLD BULLION IN SLOW BURNS) And just his face (?? back of his head?? seungu never gives us any idea what he looks like when he’s in ‘oops fell in love AGAIN’ mode)

BUT SOMEHOW YOU CAN JUST TELL:

They all tell the story of a broken man who has made so many mistakes, but he can be kind and attentive, and tries hard to do what’s right (even if it takes him awhile to figure out what’s right, coz again: he’s Fucked Up). He’s also a socially awkward dork who ignores people at parties coz he doesn't know how to behave as expected. And resembles a really sad puppy when he disappoints Perry.

I could speculate a lot more on what/who the fuck Dodolea actually is and how she’s related to the Lapileon’s curse, but I also know this manhwa has steered some distance away from the webnovel. So I cannot really tell if the plot lines will be similar.  

I’ll probably be back after the plot progresses further so I can scream some more. I’ve been shrieking on Twitter but that site is subject to a hungry ghost’s whims and I can’t hide spoilers/rambling behind cuts there. So here it will have to be.

Hang in there, your grace.