#fun fact: as a kid I wanted to be a comedian so some laughs are always good in my book

[msfcatlover]

The Public Personas I think each Wayne Kid would get in the Reverse Robins verse

Duke: The easy-going, down-to-earth, reasonable one. Or, perhaps more accurately, the straightman to Bruce’s comedian. Duke’s fond exasperation & surprisingly grown-up attitude as a child made for an excellent counter to Brucie’s bombastic antics, and had plenty of people joking that Duke was the actual parent between the two of them. Seeing the two of them at work is seeing a decade-perfected comedy tag-team in action, and it is a beautiful thing. As Duke grew up, his reputation shifted to being the Chillest Dude (gender neutral) in any given room, and he mastered the sort of subtle, charismatic warmth that makes everyone feel like they’re your best friend. Duke’s one of those celebrities you just want to crack a beer open with and chat about your day, because they seem like they’d be fun to hang out with, y’know? (Which also helps separate him from his hero identities. Duke Thomas? Dress up like a cross between a motorcycle racer & medieval knight in order to speed around downtown, jump off bridges & skyscrapers, and kick the Joker in the face on a biweekly basis? Are you fucking high?)

Damian: Starts out as the acerbic, hotheaded brat. Grows up into Gotham’s favorite Bad Boy With A Heart Of Gold, thanks to both his maintained public attitude & work with helping animals around the world, even after he mostly moves to Bludhaven. (Yes, he rides a motorcycle, wears mostly leather, and has just so many piercings. Most of the piercings are fake, so that they can’t be grabbed in fights; the real ones he almost exclusively wears small studs in. They all come out in preparation for patrol.)

Cassandra: The Ice Queen, so cool & confident that some people genuinely think the family is lying about her selective mutism and it’s just a front so she has an excuse to ignore people. (She is deeply offended by this.) Zero tolerance for bullshit, cutting edge fashionista, single handedly got ASL added as a language course to every school in Gotham, and got plenty of rich jerks to learn if only to know what she was gossiping about with her siblings when they kept glancing over and laughing at everyone else. Universally assumed to be the one who'll take over WE when Bruce retires, despite her complete lack of interest.

Steph: The Wild Child, the only one to follow in Brucie’s footsteps. This was not the persona she wanted but in her society debut gala, something came up and Duke needed a distraction so he could go deal with it. Steph set her shoulders, grabbed a bottle off the snack table behind them, and said, “You got it.” First impressions are everything, and she never could shake that one… not helped by the fact that sometimes, an empty-headed party girl was exactly what they needed to gather information, and Steph had both the reputation to play the part & clout to get wherever she wanted once Bruce fostered her. (After her death, people call it a “downward spiral.” Others counter this with a clip from an interview she gave earlier that year, where Stephanie Brown talked about her hard work in school & the community, and her frustration over her reputation. “Of course it bothers me,” she said, “It bothers me that what I’m wearing matters more than the causes I promote. It bothers me that a few sips of wine outweigh organizing an entire event. It bothers me that flirting with people my own age upsets people more than a fucking shooting in downtown Gotham!” She laughed bitterly. “Is it the hair? Should I dye it? Would that make people take me more seriously?” She turned to look directly into the camera, tears shining in her eyes. “I’m—I’m sixteen. What do you want from me?”)

Tim: Tim starts out as the resident Cool Nerd. He’s friendly, he’s chill, he likes skateboarding & computer games—and also, he GMs on the weekends, he likes to solve math puzzles & write his own algorithms, he knows more about the history of sci-fi than any human has right to. Tim’s the kind of nerd who makes his nerdy hobbies seem cool by association. (Still figuring the rest out, honestly. Since he’s Oracle in this verse, part of me feels like he’d stay out of the public eye more? But another part of me says Tim would make his public persona as loud as possible, so that people think of him beyond his injury. “Bruce Wayne’s Paraplegic Son” is not an identity Tim would ever be okay letting people define him by, I think. I know he does a lot of charity work, and is more open to talking about his challenges than Cass is, in a very “if I tell you upfront, you can’t use it against me (also, maybe someone else needs to hear this)” kinda way. I know he’s still involved in the business world to some degree. I’m just having trouble pinning down how Tim would characterize Timothy Drake-Wayne [post-injury] to the public.)

Jason: Jason is kinda the inverse of Damian, being soft-spoken & seemingly shy until you bring up a cause he cares passionately about. He's very protective of his siblings, and is responsible for about 80% of the "Wayne Kids Spotted! You Won't Believe These Adorable Pictures!" tabloid headlines (Cass & Damian dote on Jason, those candids being one of the only times people get pictures of their "soft sides." Jason also volunteers to help Duke & Tim out a lot, and is often seen trailing after them trying to look professional.) Every woman over 30 in Gotham just wants to pinch his pudgy little cheeks, at least until Jason hits his last growth spurt and comes back from a year abroad looking like an absolute hunk. But still just as humble, just as polite, and just as passionate about helping others. Isn't he just a Big Ol' Marshmallow? (Jason maintains this reputation mainly by biting his tongue & constantly reminding himself if he can't think of anything nice to say, don't say anything at all. After every single interview or public event, you can find him down in the cave, ranting to himself about everything that pissed him off and taking it out on the poor training dummies.)

Dick: Started out very surly & private, but all his siblings defended that the poor boy had gone through so much trauma in under a year (losing his parents, being taken from the family he grew up with, and then losing Bruce just a few months later,) that it was only to be expected. They worked hard to keep him protected from the public eye while he was grieving. When little Richie finally made his public debut, Gotham was delighted to discover an energetic Sunshine Child, who wasn't exactly a great listener & was more than a bit of a showoff, but gosh darn if he wasn't the cutest thing anyone had seen in years. (Dick keeps up the shallow-but-cheerful Sunshine act all the way into his adult life, coming the closest out of any of them to having a true Brucie persona as an adult.)

[inyujidraws]

1st | 2nd | 4th | 5th | 6th

More RadioMoon, yay. Impromptu marriage arc that happened after 4-5 years since Creon crash-landed in this timeline. They adopted.

Thanks everyone who came to my streams, watch me draw and talk cringe.

The rando in the first batch, he was a new comedian trying to break into the industry. While on the same way to work, Barry (placeholder name) introduced himself and started sharing some puns and jokes. Alastor didn’t find Barry impressive, and he refused to break his facade. Fun fact, Alastor would’ve murdered Barry later after that encounter, if not for Creon.

Barry got to live, because Alastor’s fecked-up face made Creon laugh so hard, it caused a chain reaction of laughter within the vicinity. So Barry became another reluctant friend in Alastor’s tiny circle. Occasionally Barry was a 3rd guest on Alastor’s radio program. Sadly the Great Depression wasn’t kind to Barry.

It took Alastor and Creon some time to figure out that their feelings for each other. They were quite comfortable staying a couple without the whole marriage ordeal. That changed when Creon stumbled on their soon-to-be son, Daniel. Creon was initially going to find another family who could take the kid in, but she grew attached. Alastor also warmed up to Daniel, especially when they bonded over their trauma of having garbage fathers.

I hadn’t thought about Alastor’s mother. Originally she would’ve passed away before Creon crashed. But where’s the fun in that? I wanted to add more chaos. Creon had returned from her international hobo trek, and accidentally bumped into Al’s mother Léonore. While staying as a paying tenant at her home, Creon saved Léonore from her canon death.

So Al’s mom got to be a grandmother later on. Didn’t really think about how she’d react to finding out Creon’s secret. I think Léonore would treasure Alastor’s happiness of finding love, even if the future daughter-in-law is a bio-engineered vampire.

Daniel grew to have an eccentric, but happy childhood after being adopted. Creon elected to stay home and raise and homeschool Daniel, instead of having Alastor split his time.

During the Great Depression, the “Marriage Bar” allowed employers to fire newly-wed women, or not hire married women. Creon still kept some side hustles, like doing tailoring. Also education wasn’t a huge priority for kids helping to bring money to the table. Some schools closed down, or were horribly underfunded.

[all-hallows-street]

Lingzi's Odaibako/Twitter Answers Collection Volume 1

In case you weren't aware, the author of 1031 All Saints Street Lingzi has a twitter account they update rarely, mostly rt'ing announcements of the Japanese release, 1031 fanart, Jpns comedians, and sometimes posting doodles and answering fan questions through Odaibako. You can still send questions/comments/requests through Odaibako but please be respectful and mindful! As the author stated they will not respond to any questions or suggestions about future content! Also do not spam, Lingzi answers in rare bursts so they might not get to answer your comment any time soon. Here is a compilation of what has been answered so far. Chinese questions and answers are being machine translated and I'm verifying with a friend the Japanese questions translations.

A few clarifications. I will skip some doodle requests/drawn answers and will compile them later in a post with all of Lingzi's twitter drawings. Everything with [] marks an edit so the English sounds more natural.

1. Hello~ Lingzi! What made you want to become a manga artist?

To put it simply, it was because of a domestic comic called "Super Alloy Society". At that time (around 14 years old), I became completely obsessed with it after reading a few chapters, and I was very eager to draw such a work myself 😌

Source

2. Does Nick [have] feeling[s] towards Lynn?

ummm······I would say it's more like “he is curious about/interested in Lynn”

Source

3. Who out of all the character would have the [ugliest] laugh?

Ah-never thought about this before, maybe broken [Cupid]？

Source

4. Will we get stories about Nick's university friends? Their designs are so cool and I would love to know more about them!

maybe? 🤔🤔 let me ask my editor next time.

Source

5. anyone you relate to in the series?

Does this count? Look that is my name on the background 🤣🤣

Source

6. Which character do you enjoy drawing [the most]?

Definitely Nick[.] He's the easiest to draw, also [the] sexiest. 😌

Source

6. Lingzi, do angles live longer than demons?

Yes! Angels basically cannot pass away unless they are killed. Teacher Lynn's age is also in the three digits~

Source

7. I really, really, REALLY love All Saints Street. Thank you so much for creating this series! There are so many diverse characters, and I love the charming and relaxed atmosphere. I find it really difficult to choose a favorite character because I just love them all so much (Nick is objectively the best though). It encouraged me to try learning to read Chinese again in order to read the manhua. Again, thank you so much for creating this!

Wow I'm flattered, thank you for [liking] my manhua 😳😳 I will do my best to keep [it] going!

Source

8. A work of my pleasure! I love you! I love “All Saints Street”! I love you big hair! Thank you for creating such wonderful works!

[Thank you]! 😊😊 Hope you will like the Japanese [dubbed] version too~

Source

9. This is not an ask but I wanted to say thank you for your hard work! Your series makes me very happy and I love it so much! It's inspired me more to continue making my own characters and helped me create art more. thank you so much! <3

Thank you too 😊😊 Glad I [..] helped.

Source

Not a question but a fact related to a previous question that is very much lore relevant:

Fun fact: Although angels live much longer than demons, because demons can reproduce independently but angels cannot, the number of angels is currently less than one-tenth of the number of demons. ( ← A small private device

Source

10. Can Lynn turn into a girl like Nick and Neil?

No~ Transfiguration is a demon thing.

Source

11. Can Ira taste demon blood? or does he hate it?

He can [...] but demon blood is always too strong for vampires, one bite is like [drinking] ten cups of coffee at once[.] They can get really hyperactive by drinking demon blood. Some vampires may like it, but not Ira. (And it's really bad for vampire kid[s])

Source

12. Hi! This is not a question but i wanted to tell you that I REALLY LOVE ALL SAINTS STREET, since 2020 i been in love with this manhua/donghua, thank you for create all saints street, the manhua/donghua really help me in hard times and inspire me to create my own comics. I really love the characters specially Abu and Luis ❤️

Thank you too, glad you enjoy my work 😊😊

Source

13. Who gives the best hugs?

Maybe?

Source

14. Why are Lily's wings so small compared to other angels?

No special reason, I just think it's cuter this way.

Source

REALLY IMPORTANT NOTE: IN CHINESE FANDOMS C P MEANS CHARACTER PAIRING, IS HOW THEY REFER TO SHIPS/SHIPPING

I will replace it with ship because I don't want the use the acronym due to tumblr search.

15. Will it be very Lynn/Nick? Because people keep telling me that Nini/Lily is the official ship, I am troubled. If the original painting is very bad, it feels like I have violated someone else's OC. I'm very sorry for disturbing you, and I really like your illustrations and works!

To answer this question, mainstream ship ≠ is correct. I think any ship has a reason to exist as long as some people like it. I don’t think it is a minefield at all... and even "official" ship does not mean anything. What kind of ship you want to consume is completely up to you, and you don’t need to ask for my opinion, just be happy

Source

Continued in Part 2!

[theycallme-thejackal]

One MidgeLenny x TSwift Fic Per Day

149. Karma

"I love this part,” Midge tells Trevor Noah as they sit at the desk. “My granddaughter taught me how to use YouTube, and she set it up so that I get a little notice on my phone whenever you post a new Between the Scenes.”

Trevor grins at that. “Well then by all means, hang out with me. Talk to the audience!” There’s uproarious applause from the crowd.

“You know how I do love an audience, Trevor,” she replies with a sly grin. At eighty-four, she may have slowed down a bit physically, but her wit has remained sharp.

“Well, I will get the ball rolling and then open up to a couple of audience members for questions,” the host says, turning to her. “I was fortunate enough to meet you and your late husband, Lenny Bruce - ” The audience interrupts him to applaud for Lenny, and Midge gives them a grateful smile. It’s been two years since he passed away, and she still misses him every day. “I met the two of you at an event for your memoir, The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel.”

“A fun night,” Midge remembers with a smile. “I’m still kvelling over the fact that millions of people wanted to read a bunch of stories from the life of an old Jewish woman.”

Trevor laughs a little at that. “And the thing I noticed was that...you did your duty of shaking hands and talking to the people who helped get your book out there, but you spent most of your time talking with my generation, the sort of newer set of comics.”

“Well you’re all just so funny!” Midge replies. “You keep me sharp. And...it’s very cool to see the sort of differences in everyone’s voices. Back in my day there were more black-and-white categories. You were a political comic or an impressionist or you had a character you portrayed, and as time has gone on, those lines have become blurred - almost nonexistent. 

“And it’s interesting because - as someone who was coming up in the time of George Carlin and Carol Burnett and Mort Sahl and, of course, Lenny Bruce - I can very much see where the influences come from, and it’s very rewarding when I get to watch a female comic get on stage and talk about her dumpster fire of a life because when I started, women weren’t really allowed to do that.”

She gets a laugh out of the audience and Trevor for that one, and he adds, “I feel very grateful that, as a comedian, I am allowed to sort of talk about whatever I want. I don’t have to limit myself to one schtick.”

“Right,” Midge agrees. “You talk about politics, but you also do impressions and tell stories about taco trucks and your family. I can see influences from Richard Pryor and obviously Jon Stewart. And then there’s...a little hint of Lenny in you,” she tells him with a soft smile.

“And Lenny was a huge influence on Jon,” Trevor explains. “That whole genre of political comedy really influenced both of us.”

“He loved that. He’s always loved mentoring the younger set. That’s how we became friends, after all. He took an interest in my career. And critics over the years have accused him of doing it just to get me into bed, but he was mentoring other comics before I came along, and he continued doing it for the rest of his life. He loved going to little shithole - can I say that here? - shithole comedy clubs and watching these kids who are just starting out and giving them a little advice or a boost.”

Trevor keeps his eyes on her, but starts to turn to the audience. “Well, I could sit here and just talk to you for days, but I want to let the audience ask some questions, so...” Midge laughs a little as Trevor looks out and points to a young man on the right. “Do you have a question for Mrs. Maisel?”

The man, somewhere in his mid-twenties, asks, “What’s been your most rewarding experience in comedy?”

Midge looks back at her. “Well, I’d have to put meeting my husband at the top of the list,” she replies. “But to go back to what we were just discussing, I was on Chelsea Handler’s show a few years ago, and during one of the breaks, she told me about how, as a young, Jewish, female comic, she listened to my records, and how I was such an influence on her comedy. Because she does things in her act that are very similar to what I was doing back in the sixties,” she explains before shrugging. “And she can say fuck and period and pregnant without getting hauled off stage and thrown in a jail cell, so...I think the most rewarding thing is seeing doors open for funny young women that weren’t open in my day.”

Trevor looks to the other side of the audience. “We have time for one more question.” There’s a young woman on the opposite side, whose hand is raised and shaking excitedly, and he points to her. “What would you like to ask Mrs. Maisel?”

She stands up, and Midge sees she’s clutching a copy of her memoir and bouncing a little. “Hi, Mrs. Maisel. I’m such a huge fan,” she gushes.

“Oh, thank you, sweetie,” Midge replies with a smile. “You have excellent taste in books as well, I see.”

The woman giggles and blushes a little bit. “Um, what do you think is the key to your longevity in your career?"

“Just one second,” Midge says, holding up a finger. She gestures to one of the production assistants. “Could you bring her book over here?” She whispers. The assistant nods and heads over.

“If you didn’t know, I’m Jewish,” she explains, getting a laugh from the audience as she grins. “And in Judaism, there’s this concept of midah k'neged midah, which is very similar to what you may know as karma.”

The production assistant sets the book down in front of her. “Thank you,” she says as she sets her readers on her nose and starts to flip through her memoir, looking for a particular passage. “Basically, what goes around comes around. The good things you do bring good things back into your life, and the shit comes back to burn you.”

She finds the passage she was looking for and reads, “I remember standing there on the stage of Carnegie Hall, wearing a dress I had specifically chosen in hopes that it would land on the floor of a very blue room that night, and realizing how badly I had fucked up.

“I hadn’t just turned down a job. I had hurt someone who believed in me, who had stuck his neck out for me, and I couldn’t even be grateful for what he had done because I was so committed to the idea of saying whatever I wanted without consequence.

“As he stood there, his eyes red and teary, I realized that this wasn’t the first time I had hurt someone because of my inability to see past my own desires and experiences. Just six months prior, I had hurt my dear friend by getting on stage at the Apollo and telling jokes that not only hinted at something he had told me in confidence, but also put him in potential danger. I had hidden things from my family that could and would affect their lives. I had ended an engagement to a man in a letter without considering his feelings.

“It was a turning point in my life because I realized too late that there is a world outside of my bubble. That my actions have consequences, and while my spontaneity was my strength, it could also be my downfall.”

She steals a pen from Trevor and flips to the front of the book. “What is your name?” She asks the blonde woman who posed the question.

The young woman looks absolutely stunned. “Uh, it’s Veronica,” she answers.

“Veronica,” Midge repeats. “Veronica, my success has come from learning empathy. From becoming significantly more aware of the people around me. And from taking the time to lift up the people around me instead of tearing them down. 

“I was fortunate enough to find someone who did that for me because - well, he loved me - but more importantly, he believed in me, believed in my talent. So I’ve taken what he gave me - as a comic,” she adds when there are some chuckles from the audience. “My god, Trevor, your audience has a filthy mind.”

“I think you brought out the best in them,” Trevor jokes.

It’s Midge’s turn to laugh then, and she scribbles a note in the front cover. “And I’ve made concerted efforts to pay it forward. When you’re kind to others, that kindness will be returned to you. Maybe not immediately, but eventually. And the key is to continue being kind regardless of what the world throws at you.”

The PA takes the book back to Veronica, who holds it tightly to her chest, grinning from ear to ear. “Alright, Trevor,” Midge says, turning back to the host. “You can have your show back now.”

The room laughs, and Trevor gestures to her. “Mrs. Maisel, everyone!”

[tellthemeerkatsitsfine]

Chortle headlines roundup, anyone?

Nope. Nope nope nope nope nope. We're not doing this. Jeremy Hardy went in his late 50s, Paul Sinha's health is deteriorating, if we lose Mark Steel before his time then they'll have to just cancel Radio 4. Not doing that. Fuck that shit. He's only 63, that's younger than my parents. Absolutely not.

...The article does say the condition is treatable and he'll likely be okay after a while, so that's good. It also has some on-brand quotes from him that muse on mortality. Good man. We are not losing that one yet.

(Obviously... not to make a serious issue all about me and other lovers of Radio 4 or anything... I wish a speedy recovery and the best for him and his family and all that.)

I wasn't sure I was going to watch season 3 of this - not that seasons 1 or 2 were bad, but season 2 didn't keep my attention all that well (except when Joe Wilkinson and Jessica Hynes were on), I figured I get the idea and don't really need to see a lot more. But actually, that's quite a good lineup. Roisin Conaty is always funny. Add in Alan Davies, Guz Khan, and Chris McCausland - and yeah, I'll probably give Knockoff Taskmaster a watch again.

You know, I wondered about then when I watched the French and Saunders show. The constant fat jokes about Dawn French seemed okay because she was one of the writers, she was choosing to say it about herself, that makes it okay the same way it is when Jo Brand does it. But still, there really were a lot of them. And obviously comedians are pressured to make any feature about themselves into a USP, so just because she agreed to do the jokes doesn't mean she always wanted to. That show was funny, it's a pity to see this.

(Obligatory note that the headline, like most headlines, is a bit sensationalized, these Chortle headline round-ups are meant to be partly a joke about how the headlines don't really tell you anything and just throw a bunch of disparate facts in your face all at once, and you should really read the articles if you want to know stuff. But the information in the headline is basically accurate.)

The Aussies are coming! The Aussies are coming! With their excessive Rs after vowels and their mildly racist names for coolers!

(I briefly misread the Sam Campbell article's description as calling him a "Taskmaster winner", and had a split second of believing Chortle had somehow made a colossal blunder and accidentally posted a huge spoiler that made me very pleased.)

If they make that, I'll probably watch it. I might watch some of the Irish one because Aisling Bea and Catherine Bohart, even though the worst fucking person in the world is also on it.

I did watch the first two episodes of the Canadian one. Have I admitted that on here yet? It wasn't my finest hour - and it was just one hour, two episodes - when I watched reality TV on Amazon Prime. But Mae Martin was in it. Mae Martin was in it looking focused and intense as they tried not to laugh and for personal reasons I just had to see that. Then (spoiler alert, I guess) they were out after two episodes, so I didn't watch any further.

I have to admit I rather enjoyed it, though. The rest of the cast was also funny. It had Jon Lajoie, guy who made a bunch of funny videos when I was in high school that my friends and I used to quote all the time, then didn't make anything for like 12 years, then came back in 2020 with this absolute earworm that hit the perfect note of what we needed in early pandemic days:

Anyway, he was on the Canadian LOL show, and he was pretty entertaining. Also Colin Mochrie from Who's Line, which I used to watch as a kid. Tom Green, quite a good stand-up comedian who went to my high school (not at the same time or anything, he's much older than me, he's just the only famous person who ever went to my high school). K Trevor Wilson, aka Squirrly Dan from Letterkenny. Andrew Phung from Kim's Convenience. It was fun seeing the mishmash of Canadian comedy people from all these different things in one room. I guess would be less of a novelty in the UK, since we don't have panel shows here.

And I've got to admit, when I forced the judgmental "there is no logical reason why this is a higher form of entertainment than any other shit reality TV" part of my brain to turn off, I found the format pretty funny. I'd watch Irish people do that. I'd watch British people do it. I mean, I didn't love it enough to finish the show after Mae was gone. But I might go back to it at some point.

Still doing that, are we? Going with the cheeky term "peeing Tom" for men who spy on naked women without their consent? I don't object to Hugh Dennis playing the role obviously, they're not going to portray that as a guy we're supposed to like. Just not sure I love Chortle's word choice.

That's good. Put your minds at ease, people who are worried that Jim Davidson isn't mentoring aspiring comedians. Everything's okay.

I was about to say "Steve, what the fuck would you consider a 5-star show then?", but then I remembered that to be fair to Steve Bennett, the quality of this show does vary wildly depending what night you see it and who's in the audience. Don't turn up to this and derail it with heckles, everyone, even though you're allowed. The show in its proper form is brilliant.

I tried to ignore this one, I really did. But I'm sorry, that's too funny a headline not to include here. Sorry, Johnny. Bad luck.

[cocoabubbelle]

Watching “The New Scooby-Doo Movies” (1972-1973) + Thoughts

This series comes after Scooby-Doo, Where Are You?

I think the basic premise is that the Scooby Gang gets into a mixture of mysteries and shenanigans with various famous characters (both real and fictional)

Will I finally hear the long sought after “And I would have gotten away with it too, if it weren’t for your meddling kids!” line?

Only one way to find out.

Spoilers under the cut!

PS. Thank you to all who have messaged me with different sources in order to watch this series!! 🥰

Also:

Seeing these messages right after I read a webtoon about a serial killer using social media to hunt his victims down (The Killing Vote. Highly recommend!) may or may not have accidentally scared the living daylights out of me before seeing you guys were just sending me potential Scooby Doo show links. 🤣

Episode 1: Ghastly Ghost Town; Guest Starring: The Three Stooges!

Fun Fact: when I was younger, I watched a collection of videos staring The Three Stooges, some of them starring Shemp instead of the more famous Curly! I thought they were both funny, but I feel bad Shemp had little to no recognition nowadays…

Is it possible to both forget the existence of and be nostalgic for an opening credits sequence? Somehow that is my current feeling.

King Kong, is that you?

Don’t recall Shaggy being the one announcing the guests with the title cards.

Man I missed looking at the background scenery. Flashing Lightning effects are great! Moving clouds are smooth! Analogous purple colors are gorgeo-! Oh wait, I’m supposed to pay attention to the Ghost Town sign, aren’t I?

Man this is hard to understand without captions. (Yes, even in my own language. Leave me alone.)

“Boy, are we ever lost!” “I think we took the wrong turn…er, about 10 miles back.” Well, that would have been helpful to know about 10 miles ago. Also, Frelma just because 😆

Is it me or is the art style slightly different? Shaggy’s face looks less like a cylindrical oval bean and more like a rounded inverted triangle.

“Hey look! I just saw a mirage!!” “At night???” Is Freddy’s voice actor different? He has a higher pitch than before.

Where did all of these animals come from?

Sign says: “Monster Ahead: 1000 yds.” Me: *turns around and walks the opposite direction.*

Random Giant Mechanical bat flies out of no where so that I am force-fed damsel-in-distress Daphne and Fraphne food.

Animation goof: Fred has the WEIRDEST expression drawn on his face while Daphne continues to hold onto him. (The latter part not a goof.)

T-Rex that is most likely an automatron is giving me war flashbacks to that time-travel dinosaur ride in Disney World’s Animal Kingdom. Though I will say I was the only kid around my age that didn’t duck into the safety of the seats when it roared into our faces 😁

Animators/Writers, I get it. You want us to ship Fraphne and have Daphne hide behind a strong manly man. But since you also put Shaggy there, I will elect to interpret this as Shaphne hiding behing the manly man that is Fred, so…😝 🩷

Scooby is part ground/prairie dog/mole confirmed??

Before the mysterious silhouette reveals our trio of comedians, I have to ask: are they the Hanna Barbera versions where they are all androids/cyborgs or something?

The Scooby Gang just watch and laugh at the Stooges flail around and try to stop the orangutan from escaping. Real helpful, I know. Also, Shag and Daph standing next to each other, so Shaphne (Am I weird for scrounging for my ship’s crumbs as opposed to the supposedly canon ship’s full course meal? Yes, yes I am.)

“HEY! AREN’T YOU LARRY, MOE, AND CURLY JOE?” Freddy, I know they’re short but you don’t have to yell out your question when they’re right next to you.

“Look, we need help!” Moe: “A psychiatrist could tell you that.” 🤣🤣🤣🤣

Animation Goof: Moe’s chin moving past his jawline. Also, Shaggy looking bigger than both him and Fred, but that could be because the animators are trying to play with perspective.

Ooh, an amusement park!

So the giant bat thing does not belong to the stooges. Early Batman cameo?

Animation Goof: Curly’s mouth doesn’t move as he speaks.

Tyronne the Tyrannosaurus Rex

Suspicious person peaking at them all through the saloon window is sus.

Frelma moment of the two of them grinning at each other and deciding for the rest of the gang there is a mystery to solve. A couple that plots together, stays together. 🩷

Rhino the giant mean looking employee of the stooges. Friend or Foe? To be determined later.

I cannot believe the Scooby Gang is cheerfully and loudly suggesting to the stooges that they FIRE Rhino WHILE HE’S RIGHT THERE.

Rhino communicated in grunts and snarls. Because of course he does.

The giant T-Rex animatronic —aka Tyronne—looks significantly different from its first appearance in this episode.

Shaphne hiding behind Fred again.

Sheriff(?) comes to arrest or escort the Gang away from the premises, but the teens conveniently ignore him to follow Scooby into the T-Rex.

Tyronne’s insides are much bigger than his outsides. Is this an animatronic or a spaceship???

The sheriff is not actually a sheriff, but the Stooges’ manager who goes by Amos Crutch. I should not suspect him to be the bad guy, but his name isn’t helping me assume otherwise.

Dingbat the little bat is adorable.

Curly says Dingbat goes into a frantic frenzy whenever Crutch is nearby. If that isn’t a head’s up for Crutch’s true nature, I don’t know what is.

Velma the first character to suddenly disappear from the gang instead of Daphne?

ANIMATION GOOF: Fred instructs everyone to go find Velma AS SHE IS WALKING BETWEEN HIM AND DAPHNE. Animators, what are you doing?????

Velma’s and my instincts about Crutch are proven right. Hello Trapdoor, my old friend~

Instead of splitting up in a way that includes the Stooge’s antics with the gang’s shenanigans, the animators and writers split them apart the conventional way : Stooges, Fred + Daphne, and Scoob + Shaggy.

Shaggy and Scoob attempt a coin toss to decide whether or not they try searching a creepy saloon: tails they go in, heads they stay out. It’s also a two-headed quarter.

Quarter decides for them via the combined laws of plot development and shenanigary and bounces/rolls into the saloon anyway.

Liking the effects for the cob/spiderwebs.

Coin falls into piano jukebox to play a song right when Shaggy and Scooby catch up to it.

Animators clearly having a ball with the keyboard. Also compliments to sound effects/music department.

Moe dragging Larry dragging Curly to the Cowboy museum.

Native American figurine placed outside of the entrance might actually be Crutch in disguise, or someone else we haven’t met yet, which brings up several questions.

Of course it’s a wax museum.

Animation Goof: Animators/Artists forgot to complete the cowboy hat for the Jessie James wax figure.

‘Wyatt Earp’ makes a move to attack Stooges.

When and where did Freddy get that flask of water?

Walking cactus from Disney’s Los Tres Cabelleros?

Passing-a-container-of-food-or-beverage-to-your-companion-only-for-it-to-be-secretly-intercepted-by-a-super-obvious-random-character-who-consumes-it-all-without-anyone-noticing-and-creating-a-misunderstanding-between-you-and-your-companion gag

Scooby sneezed so hard, he found a conveniently placed secret door to help move the story along.

I assume the orangutan escaped from his cage again.

Falling-into-a-large-container-or-pile-of-flour-and-get-mistaken-for-a-ghost gag

“What’s the matter? Haven’t you seen a FLOUR child before?”

Animation and Art style are not very consistent nor strong compared to the first series, but I will try not to be picky no promises if it gets too wonky for my taste.

Orangutan woke up and chose to be a troll today.

Shaggy tells Scooby not to be afraid of the massive and weird parade float-sized jack-in-the-box. I need a list of what Shaggy deems scary vs not scary.

“Well, I’ll be a monkey’s uncle!” Fun fact: Orangutans are technically great apes.

“This desert reminds me of a woman.” “Why’s that?” “It goes on and on and on…” 😑 (Fraphne if you like beligerent teasing/flirting(?))

Counting-on-footprints-to-get-back-where-you-started-only-OOPS-someone-erased-them gag.

Daphne has the sense to suspect that the random swimming pool that appeared out of nowhere is a mirage or hologram. Fred? Not so much.

Fraphne handholding. Also, Daphne’s common sense doesn’t extend to distrusting random man-sizes cactuses that appeared out of thin air.

Cactus man attempts manhandling but is caught.

“COME BACK AND FIGHT LIKE A MAN YOU VEGETABLE!” Fun fact: Cacti are apparently both a vegetable and a fruit (according to this site: https://wraxly.com/is-cactus-a-vegetable/#:~:text=However%2C%20a%20question%20often%20pops,plant%20in%20the%20world%2C%20Cactaceae. )

Finally we see Velma. She fell into the mines.

Three stooges nearby, as apparently are Fred + Daphne and Scoob + Shaggy. Since when did the latter four reunite?

Suspicious Indian Chief Figure drawn differently than earlier.

Stooges flee into the mine, and I am confused if the random black scenes are intentional or if the source I’m using to watch the episodes had a faulty upload.

Shaphne standing together as the Gang sans Velma try to figure out the source of the noise.

Crutch and Rhino supposedly in saloon bc ShaFrephne and Scooby see their silhouettes through the window. Color me suspicious.

What was the point of reuniting the four of them only to have Fred + Daphne fall through a trapdoor mere moments later?

Are the antagonists just the townspeople who want the Stooges and their contraptions gone???

“Scoob, have you flipped your fur wig?!”

Fred and Daphne reunited with/found Velma by landing on top of her back. Velma is the strongest confirmed again?

Shaggy’s response to finding out that the Gunslinger from Wax Museum is actually a robot? “The fastest short circuit in the West.”

Animation Goof: Moe’s voice commands one of the other stooges to put the brakes on the mining cart they are stuck in, Larry’s voice agrees, and Curly’s voice comes out of MOE as HE puts the brakes on.

Three Stooges reunite with Fred+Daph+Velma

Glowy special effects are glowy.

The power of Velma’s sneeze makes a rockslide in the mines.

“We’ll be [stuck in] here forever!” Moe: There’s no such thing as forever.” “There isn’t?” “No, just eternity. 🤪”

Frelma moment of Velma hugging Freddy from behind! (At least that’s what it looks like from her hand placement on his waist.)

The paint stokes on the background look really messy in some places.

Shaggy forgot to tone down his strength and accidentally launches the trapped Scooby from a well all the way to the mechanical T-Rex.

Okay why are Fraphlma being so weird and bobbing up and down while the Stooges do all of the hard work of digging a way out of the mine tunnel?

“Oh Shag!…Can you hear me?…” “🤨? I must be dreaming. That sounds like Fred.” “Shag?…Scooby Doo?…Can you hear me?…” “😳!THAT’S DAPHNE’S VOICE!! COME ON!!!” Look, how am I not supposed to take this moment as Shaphne when Shaggy hears Fred’s voice calling out to him from who knows where and assumes he’s only imagining it, only to come RUNNING when he recognizes Daphne’s voice calling?!

Animation or Editing Goof: The area around Fred’s mouth sure is glitchy.

I guess it’s possible for three grown short guys + three taller teenagers to stack three mining carts on top of each other and not fall as they stand in the top one. I still call shenanigans.

“Don’t move!” As he and Scooby try to find a way to help them out of the cave in. Moe: “ ‘Don’t move?’ Where does he think we’re going???”

Animation Goof: Shaggy accidentally reminds me he can do ventriloquism because he’s talking without opening his mouth for no reason.

Shaggy does the smart thing and attempts to go to the seemingly valid authority adult figures in town for help. Unfortunately, my suspicions are confirmed that the Crutch and Rhino figures we saw earlier in the Saloon are dummies (and I mean that in a non-insulting way; the figures are literally dummies.)

Animation Goof: Scoob’s finger flick powerful enough to knock one of the dummies over despite not touching it.

Unnecessary filler slapstick despite the stakes.

Animation Goof: Sudden shift in background implies Scoob and Shaggy are now outside despite no movement, no transition, and holding the same conversation without a break.

More unnecessary shenanigans. “Cut that out! You’re supposed to be thinking of a way to rescue Velma!” Weird editing that accidentally eliminated the rest of the party in need, or Shelma moment?

After filler moments of Shaggy pressuring Scooby to come up with a rescue plan, Scooby’s suggestion via charades to use Tyrone the T-Rex to dig the others out is the one Shaggy claims. #friendshipgoals everybody.

At least he gives Scooby the credit.

MOAR filler shenanigans, everybody. Tbf, neither of them know how to properly man a mechanical T-Rex. At least we see a figure-skating T-Rex.

Because the Stooges are the Stooges, only they get the honor of being plucked out of the dug whole by the T-Rex like a mother cat or dog picking up her litter.

We see non mannequin/robot versions of the Native American Chief and the Gunslinger. They look like they’re crooks. Was any hint of thieving foreshadowed earlier? I don’t think so.

Also, “Those darn kids…” instead of “You meddling kids!” 😑

Daphne holding onto Fred’s arm again in case we forgot we’re supposed to ship Fraphne or that she’s the damsel in distress.

Giant bat. Because oh yeah. That was a thing earlier from the beginning of this episode.

Artists and/or Writers of this episode. We already know you want us to see Fraphne and that the conventionally pretty girl is supposed to be clinging to the conventionally handsome guy of the group in fright/apprehension whenever ANYTHING happens.

Unfortunately for everyone, I watched these episodes from the very beginning, and seeing how Daphne was initially more plucky + her maybe accidental chemistry with Shaggy and Velma’s accidental chemistry with Fred made me biased 🤡

Broken T-Rex.

Grammar Error: Why does my keyboard think I’m typing T-Rez whenever I try typing T-Rex?

Animation Goof: T-Rex suddenly a lot smaller next to the stooges.

Indian Chief figure that was drawn differently at one point is explained via projector conveniently found by Stooges.

T-Rex is working again.

Is the guy dressed up like the Chief seriously named Geronimo?

Shaggy and Scooby drop an avalanche of rocks onto the Batmobile the antagonists’s getaway Bat car, so the bad guys are stopped via almost manslaughter. Yay?

Also, they drop them from who knows how many stories high. This makes them crash through the ceiling of the jail. Wowzers.

“It’s Crutch and Rhino!” He says as he watches the above unfold from a distance.

Also, the Gunslinger’s angular face is now changed to Crutch’s doughy one (and yes, the real gunslinger looked like the robot one up until the “unmasking”), and Native American’s skin is now as pale as Rhino’s.

The bad guys’ motivation was that somehow there was now uranium in this town. If Uranium was a mentioned plot point in this episode, it completely flew over my head.

Dingbat is now a girl all of a sudden?

Also she apparently detected the Uranium dust on Crutch and that’s why she acted weird, including when Curly was suddenly glowing.

I still prefer my original theory that the antagonists were the townspeople who didn’t like the Stooges contraptions and attempts to make an amusement park/zoo as opposed to the actual antagonists and their motivations, but the Stooges’ completed park/zoo does look fun and cute!

Look, the real sheriff!

Shaggy and Scooby are rewarded with Uranium and a superhero sandwich, which they actually share this time (the sandwich, not the uranium!)

Day 26 of no “And I would have gotten away with it too, if it weren’t for you medding kids!”

[philhoffman]

This week’s Monday Philm is The Boat That Rocked (2009), AKA Pirate Radio (and a million other names). I’m really glad this is the movie that came up chronologically this week because in addition to being one of my favorites, it’s a warm and pretty lighthearted one.

I could easily watch the rumored five-hour cut of this movie every day. Aside from the government scenes and sex crime, every moment of this film is so much fun. I always think I’ve built it up more in my head than it really is (I think about this film very, very often) but then it hits such a stride in the last hour or so and it’s tremendous fun. One of the most fun movies to watch, I love every second spent on this boat. Certain lines catch me by surprise and make me laugh out loud every time—Rhys Darby is SO funny, he really stood out on this rewatch.

Phil was the first to point out that The Boat That Rocked is an ensemble film, and it definitely is—Carl is the closest thing it has to a protagonist, and even then he spends most of the film in the background. But it’s also undeniably grounded by Philip Seymour Hoffman’s The Count. There might be a few practical reasons that explain why that is—the only American in the script, the biggest star in the cast—but it really comes down to his ineffable qualities, his unspoken power as an actor. Oddly enough it reminded me a bit of A Most Wanted Man, the way everyone and everything else gravitates towards and around his character, his presence. Earlier this week I reblogged a post about how all the famous British comedians in the cast competed with each other to see who could make Phil laugh the most. You can hear his laugh over everyone else’s. He’s always been amazing among ensembles, knowing when to shine and when to fit (but never fade) into the background—Boogie Nights, Magnolia, State and Main, even stealing scenes in Leap of Faith—but by this age (and in roles of authority, perhaps) he’s got a natural command.

I love the Count. My favorite PSH character changes daily but he’s often number one. Maybe it’s stuff I’ve read lately, maybe it’s the fact that I watched it this week and I’m projecting, but I really picked up on his sadness this time. The Boat That Rocked is a comedy about pirate DJs in the 1960s, but it has some depth and a few very tender moments, especially toward the end. The Count sitting alone on the deck, thinking about how the best days of his life are over. Deciding to go down with his ship because music is all he has. Knowing there will be more amazing songs in the future, but he will not be around to play them. The Count of Cool, the Count of Chaos. Always home, always uncool.

There’s a moment when, as the Count and Gavin are stuck high on the ship’s mast, Phil sorta pops his jaw out—and for a second I saw him at 25 again, doing the same exact gesture in My Boyfriend’s Back. That happens a lot, recognizing the slightest gestures across decades, especially as I rewatch his films more and more, always searching for something. He’s 30-something and rolls his eyes the same way he will in a decade. He’s a kid standing with his hands on his hips the same way he’ll stand when he’s 46 years old. He blinks with his whole face the same way his son will someday. He disappears into characters but for a second he smiles or turns away and I can see the man I’ve been so fortunate to come to love. That red-haired, freckle-faced boy, the man who was asked in an interview about this film what music he would save in a fire and said “If I could get out of the house with my family, everything else could burn.”

Phil died nine years ago this week and I don’t want that to be the focus of this review, I don’t want it to be the focus of anything, I still don’t want it to be real. But it bleeds into everything, so I’m just trying to find some softness in it. Before watching tonight, I went to the store to pick up some of his favorite donuts (my favorite kind, too, and I swear I’m not copying him he just has good taste!). Seems like something he’d appreciate. I miss you a lot, Phil.

[antisociallilbrat]

The Williams Part Two

Part One

Read on Ao3

Summary: It's their first date! Doesn't start off on the right foot but the night is young so it can still recover...right?

A/N: Yes I am reposting this bc for my last couple writings I was like 'aw shucks my posts sure aren't getting the interactions like they used too' ... it was bc i am an I D I O T who had my privacy settings set to keep my posts hidden in the tags/search results. Anyways.

The bar is too crowded, the music is too loud, and it has an undercurrent smell of fake cheese. Like the kind they'd serve over nachos at The Palace. Back when Will was a kid and videogames were more important than dates.

Now he’s twenty years old, crammed into a booth that has a couple of mysterious stains, and sipping lukewarm beer out of sight of the bartender. They’re probably too busy to notice- or to even care, but he’s always been a little on edge when it comes to breaking the rules. 

During the afternoon he spent with Bill at The Bean he was really hoping it would end with Bill asking him out. Luck was on his side; for once. 

It’s just that he wasn’t exactly picturing their first date with all of their friends in attendance. Maybe he was a little presumptuous to assume that their first date would be a private affair. 

Bill invited him to Richie’s open mic, implying that his friends would be there. It left him feeling a little…put out because maybe Bill only wanted to be his friend. But then Bill told him they could sneak off afterward to go do their own thing, that he had an idea. He followed it up with a wink, one that looked ridiculous yet charming in a weird way that only Bill could pull off. 

But things are never simple in Will’s life and he later learned that Richie also invited Mike. Apparently, while they were scheming in his and Bill’s love life. What was surprising was that Mike was going - and was bringing El; at Richie’s instance. 

He had a lot of questions but he’s starting to see the answers. Richie isn’t on stage yet, if you could even call that a stage, it’s more like a literal soap box set up by the bar. Some other act is on right now, trying desperately to speak over the music. Mike, El, and Stanley are standing around a table by the stage. 

He doesn’t have an opinion on Stanley yet, this is the first night they’ve ever formally spoken but it’s obvious why Richie insisted they bring El. The man with the chocolate neat curls keeps biting back at the poor comedian, getting a rise out of El every time he does. When El laughs, her eyes fleetingly closing, Stan is smiling at her like he’s made a great accomplishment. He’s only poking fun at the comedian to make El laugh. Will wonders if El has noticed…probably not. She never notices when someone’s interested in her.

Along with Stanley and Richie, he’s met Bill’s other four friends. Ben and Beverly, a couple, Eddie- Bill’s first friend as he introduced himself as, and their own Mike. Their Mike is much sweeter than Will’s. 

Those four are at the bar. They were sitting in the booth with them but when Bill came back with his and Will’s beers, they each started making excuses to get up. None of them came back and they’re not even trying to hide the fact they’re hanging at the bar. They left him and Bill alone on purpose. 

In the booth Bill shifts in his seat next to him, his jeans making that awkward sound when they rub against the plastic of the seat. He looks vaguely uncomfortable and while Will has been sipping on his drink Bill has almost finished his. 

Bill is rubbing at the disintegrating label of his beer bottle, an awkward silence filling the void between them. They’ve already run through all the safe questions, ‘did you find this bar okay?’, ‘how were classes yesterday?’, ‘do you like your drink?’.

It’s such a tonal shift from their conversation at The Bean. Bill had had more…confidence if Will had to pin it down to something. They talked about Bill’s writings- he’s a horror writer, and Will had shown him some of his paintings. They had connected so easily then and he doesn’t understand why now is so different. The whole thing has him feeling a little anxious. 

Bill swishes his bottle, running empty, “Guess it's time for another,” he says as he stands. He nods towards Will’s bottle, “Do you need another one?”

Will shakes his head and just like that he’s alone. He deflates in his seat when Bill is out of sight, letting his head thud against the back of the booth. Maybe this was a mistake, maybe Bill was better off being ‘The Writer’ that he got to pine over from a distance.

“What’s shaking my second favorite William?” Richie cuts him out of his quickly spiraling thoughts, sliding into the booth across from him. 

Richie has cleaned up for tonight- but his definition of ‘clean up’ is far from what the normal person would consider. He’s wearing a silk blue button up with a black vest loosely tied in the front. It’s flattering in a weird way. Light smudges of eyeliner line his eyes behind his magnified lenses and there’s a cigarette tucked behind his ear, almost hidden in his barely tamed curls. At least Will thinks it’s a cigarette.

“It’s fine, nothing much,” he replies, hoping his dejection isn’t showing on his face.

Richie just hums, rapping his knuckles against the table. He just now notices that Richie has freshly painted his nails black. He jerks his chin towards the bottle in Will’s hands, “Didn’t take you as a fan of Bud Light.”

He sets his barely drinked beer on the table, “It’s fine, not my first choice but Bill ordered for us.” 

“Makes sense, Bill’s always been fond of his piss water,” he makes a move to stand, “I can get you another drink if you want, we don’t gotta tell Big Bill.”

Will snatches Richie’s wrist before he can fully stand up. Slowly he sits back and down and watches Will with curious eyes. Will starts back peddling, “It’s fine, really. You’re supposed to go on soon right? I’d hate for you to miss your cue because you're stuck at the bar getting me a drink.”

Richie ignores most of his weak statement, “Ya know, for a guy who’s supposed to be on a hot date, you’ve said 'fine’ three times in the last minute.” When he can’t find anything to say, Richie does so for him, “Billiam is being horribly awkward isn’t he?”

He gives, sighing, “Just a little- and I don’t understand. We were having a nice time back at The Bean, I don’t get why this time is different.”

Will is entirely unprepared for what Richie tells him next, “It’s because this is a date and Bill hasn’t been on a date in two years, not since his last, horrible, boyfriend,” He leans forward on the table and it throws Will off a little at how serious he’s being, “Look, Big Bill? He’s good at being charming and swooning with people, but dating? He’s worse at it than I am. He over-thinks it. Sure, he’s a hopeless romantic, but he struggles with new people when they aren’t so new anymore. Been burned a couple of times because of them.”

“I- I see…and I understand that. I don’t date often because new people intimate me,” Will takes another sip of his beer, feeling a little overwhelmed. He doesn’t have any exes, he’s barely gone on dates before. 

But then Richie snorts, “So you’re both bad at dating. Great.”

He frowns at him, “You have any advice then?”

Richie raps his knuckles against the table again, in a drum roll manner, “Matter of fact I do. Make him talk- and not about the boring stuff. Ask him when he had his first beer or better yet find out if he’s an actual monster fucker for me if you will? His stories are telling but I need evidence,” Will’s about to inject because he is not asking about that but Richie continues, “Fine leave the monster fucking questions for date two- but I’m serious, ask him about the fun stuff, the important stuff and show you have a genuine interest in him and he’ll be waxing poetics about ya by the end of the night.” 

This makes him feel better, gives him a look into Bill- one he wasn’t expecting, and lets him know how to get to know Bill better from his own words…it’s just there’s one anxiety of his lingering. “So it’s not me? I didn’t do anything to make him not interested in me anymore?”

Richie chuckles, “William, my William hasn’t shut up about you since he laid eyes on you. No offense but it was a little insufferable. You could probably spit in his face and he’d still be interested in you…actually, maybe he’d be more interested in you then, I don’t know what he’s into.” 

His face suddenly feels hot, “Shut up,” he mumbles, looking down.

Richie just smiles back, “So what are you going to do when Bill comes back?”

“...Ask him about his first time drinking piss water?”

“There ya go!” he shoots finger guns at him, “Now if you don’t mind, I’m going to go flirt with my date before my show.”

His what-  “Are you talking about Mike?” 

“My future one true love? Yes absolutely,” he replies without missing a beat. 

He looks back at him incredulously, “Does Mike know he’s on a date right now?”

“He will, it’s all part of my master plan. Wait ‘n see.”

Part of him thinks he could do the responsible friend thing and warn Mike of Richie’s intentions, let Mike decide from there- but Mike did dig his own grave when he decided to meddle in his love life. So instead Will says, “You said you were bad at dating too so some advice; Mike likes to play hard to get, and he’s dramatic in the way he likes to be chased.” 

Richie’s eyes twinkle, “Well Papa likes a good chase,” he winks at him as he flies out of the booth, not even giving Will enough time to internally cringe at him calling himself ‘Papa’.

He watches Richie join the others at the table in front of the stage. Richie throws a haphazard arm around Mike’s shoulders…who looks annoyed and snaps something at him that Will can’t hear from here but he doesn’t shake Richie off. 

“Everything okay over huh-here?”

Will snaps his head towards Bill, he’s standing by the edge of the table, fidgeting on his feet. There's a new bottle in his hand- this one’s label is still intact, and it’s half drunk. He must’ve been waiting for Richie to leave before heading back. 

“Yeah, Richie was just seeking my advice,” he white lies, scooting more into the booth in a way that he hopes comes off as inviting, “Stop standing and sit down with me.”

Bill smiles, sliding in, “What advice were you giving him?”

“On how to woo my Mike- speaking of which, did you know Richie was going to trick Mike into going on a date with him?"

He just shrugs his shoulders, “I didn’t but that s-sounds like Rich…did he say anything else?”

“Why? Worried he spilled some of your embarrassing childhood secrets?” Will smirks.

Bill scoffs, “He wouldn’t do that,” Will meets his gaze, eyebrow raised and Bill starts to feel not so sure, “He didn’t do that- right?”

“No he didn’t do that, I’m waiting on you to tell me those.” When Bill smiles Will takes it as a small victory. The tension between them is already lessening and he’s determined to keep it rolling and not let them fall back into awkwardness when this spell has run its course. “Though he did tell me to ask you about the first time you tried beer?”

The tips of Bill’s ears turn red as he ducks his head, “Shit you don’t wanna hear about that.”

“Oh but now I really do,” he leans closer to him. The smell of a woody cologne and lingering cigarette smoke invades his nose and he wonders if it’s possible to miss a smell after only experiencing it once. 

He can already see the bravado seep back into Bill as he gives in with a little smile, “It was freshman year and all us Losers thought it would be a cool idea to sneak into Eddie Corcoran’s seniors only party,” his voice has taken on that slow, smooth, tone again and he’s not tripping on as many words as he was, “We were successful too…until Eddie Corcoran confronted us and tried to kick us out…” Will nods for him to go on, “Well let’s just say the moment Corcoran confronted us the beer we had been stealing all night decided to vacate the premises of my stomach…onto his shoes. Got my ass beat that night.”

“And you still drink it?” he teases.

“It was my first love, what c-can I say?” Bill lays an arm across the back of the booth. It’s not on Will’s shoulders but it’s close enough, “Tell me, what was teenage Will like? Any raging parties?” 

He snorts, “The only parties I was going to as a teenager were Dnd ones.” He’s not afraid of Bill thinking of him as a nerd, he saw the Battlestar Galactica keychain on his laptop bag. It was cute.

“Like with elves and shit? Were you an elf?”

Will shakes his head, laughing, “No I wasn’t just an elf! I was also the Party’s wizard.” 

“A wizard huh?” Bill takes a slow sip of his beer, glancing towards him, “You sure put a spell on me.”

Will’s brain short circuits. Bill just stares back at him, a small blush climbing his neck. He just has to shove Bill in the side with his elbow, “That is the worst pickup line I have ever heard!” 

He gives him a mock offended look, “I was trying woo you, William!”

Will’s about to retort when a speaker comes on to announce Richie as the next comedian. Mike, Ben, Bev, and Eddie all rush to cram back into the booth with Will and Bill. Eddie snaps at Bill to scoot in more so that he can sit down. 

Bill’s thigh ends up pressed against his- in fact, his whole body would be if Will wasn’t leaning a little bit forward. There’s very little space between them and Will…he’s not mad about it. At this proximity, he feels the heat radiating from Bill, can feel the vibrations of his chest when he laughs, and honestly he just falls more into the encapsulation that is Bill.  

The arm Bill had resting on the back of the booth comes down to rest across his shoulders very lightly. Almost as if Bill is asking for permission. Will leans back, securing the arm more around his shoulders in answer. There is so much heat radiating between them he feels like he’s going to combust. He’s never cared so much about a guy liking him before and he thinks Bill does like him like that but also he always carries around a seed of doubt about anything good happening to him.

It makes it hard to focus on Richie’s act as he starts his act, clearly in his element. Will tries to pay attention, he does, but his mind is fogged by the smell of Bill’s cologne and the rumbling of his chest against his side every time he laughs at one of Richie’s jokes.

Stan, El, and Mike (Will’s Mike) opt to stay around the table near the stage. If Stan was heckling the last poor guy, he is absolutely ruthless toward Richie. Who throws it right back his way. It was more amusing than Richie’s jokes. He has a hunch that they were both showing off for Mike and El. 

Bill and his friends sitting in the booth aren’t safe from Richie’s terror either. He throws a joke out about Eddie’s mom, one only they laugh at and he pokes fun at Ben. Something about The New Kids On The Block? At this point, Will was too wrapped up in Bill to register it completely. It isn’t until Richie targets him during his act does he get Will’s full attention back.

“Now now, I’m not the only love bird on a date tonight,” he whistles while Mike makes a small protest from the table, “My good friend Big Bill is here tonight on a date. Ironically! With a guy also named William,” he pauses for a dramatic moment, “You see if I was on a date with a man named Richard it would be double the Dick but you see with my friend Bill, he’s the one getting double the Willys tonight.” 

There's a modest amount of laughter that he earns from the bar patrons. This is one of his more successful jokes of the night. Beverly is dying in their booth and Ben gives Will an apologetic look but he’s still smiling. Will wants to curl up and disappear before his face turns into a tomato. 

“F-fuck you, boy!” Bill yells but he’s barely fighting back a smug smile. He nudges Will with his hand resting on his shoulder, “Just ignore him, he’s a dickwad. We’re about to luh-leave anyway.”

A mixture of excitement and trepidation fills his stomach. On one hand, he has no idea what Bill has planned for them for the rest of the night which is exciting, and on the other, that’s exactly what worries him. Will Byers is a virgin. It’s just…never came up before. Being gay in a small town can do that.

But they just got over their awkward conversation bump, surely Bill isn’t expecting that to magically segway into them having sex? Because if so they’re just going to land right back into an awkward conversation when he has to fess up he’s a virgin and he doesn’t plan on losing it after one lukewarm date and even more lukewarm beer. 

Richie’s set comes to an end and everyone starts to part ways. Mike Hanlon, Eddie, Beverly, and Ben were going to another bar on the side of the city, and Mike Wheeler and Richie were going to tag along. Will’s Mike isn’t a bar person so he’s continuing to be surprised tonight by his friend’s decisions. El wants to go home- no surprise there, because she really isn’t a bar person and Stan insists on driving her back. Hopefully, she notices Stan’s obvious flirting on the drive.

Bill asks if he’d like to go with everyone to the next bar and it’s clear that he’s giving Will an out of being alone together. But the thing is- despite his reservations, he wants to see what Bill has planned for them. Bill doesn’t act like a guy who is going to try to pressure him into doing anything he doesn’t want to. Doesn’t seem like his style. 

He takes Bill’s hand, acting braver than he feels, “I just wanna hang out with you.”

The smile Bill gives him in response is beautiful. 

-

Bill doesn’t disclose much about where they’re going when they crawl into his silver truck. Will didn’t know he had a vehicle, he never drives to The Bean and when he asks about this, Bill just waves him off, saying that driving in New York is too stressful for his tastes. 

On the way over Will tries to get some information out of him about where they’re heading as the excitement builds. Bill appears very sure of himself that this is a place that Will is going to be very happy about. To say he is intrigued would be an understatement. 

Curiously it’s some type of office building Bill drives them up to. He jumps out of the car without a word and heads towards the doors, leaving Will no choice but to follow him. The temperature has dropped significantly and even with his large coat, he crowds close to Bill as he unlocks the glass doors. 

Bill gets it unlocked and heads inside, turning back to Will when he doesn’t follow him, “You coming?”

He nervously glances at his surroundings, reading the sign “Gray’s Design Company Coming Soon,” painted onto one of the front windows. Trespassing wasn’t something he considered he would be doing tonight. 

“Are you sure we should be here?” The last thing he wants is to be is a ‘Nervous Nellie’ as Mike has called him before but…they’re trespassing. 

Bill must somehow read his mind, dangling the key he used to get in, “It’s okay, we have per-permission.” He’s still a little nervous but he follows Bill inside. 

The inside of the building is gutted, and clearly being renovated. Plastic sheets litter the floor and hang from the ceiling and briefly, Will is reminded of that one episode of Dexter Max had forced him to watch.

Will only glances away from Bill for a second but when he looks back Bill’s gone. Okay, now he’s starting to panic. “Bill?! Where’d you go?!”

A hand on his shoulder startles him, making him yelp. Bill looks down at him with a smile full of mirth, “Keep up, I want you to s-see this.”

“You’re not taking me somewhere to kill me right?” He’s only half joking. 

Bill rolls his eyes, and takes his hand, “Come on.”

They push through two more plastic sheets and Will sees why Bill was being impatient to show him. The sight before him takes his breath away. 

It’s the first actual room they’ve walked into and it is filled to the brim with art. There are canvases in stacks leaning against the walls, sculptures on pedestals, and tables filled with sketches. The art styles are all different signifying this isn’t the collection of one person. He just has to touch. 

The first table he approaches has sketches all done in charcoal. They’re smudged from rubbing against each other but he can make out the sketches of the people. Just strangers that are going about their everyday life, probably unaware of their portrait being created. 

On the next table are unframed works of watercolor. All vivid and seeming to leap off the page. Some depict still life while some are settings. Places pulled from the artist’s mind, maybe places that they wish they could visit or just simply places that are not real but still beautiful all the same. These are his favorites. 

He swivels on his heel, a watercolor work of a river still in his hand, to look back at Bill. He’s still standing at the entrance, watching him with a small smile. It makes his whole heart flutter.

“What is this place?” he asks, gesturing to the whole room.

Bill comes to stand by him, taking the painting in Will’s hand to examine, “Ben’s boss bought this place for his architecture firm and apparently the basement was filled with this stuff. Whoever owned the building before ap-aparently was an avid art collector.”

“A ‘collector’ is putting it lightly, this is more like a hoarder’s work. This is insane,” He walks over to a sculpture of a woman’s head made from clay, “This stuff belongs in an art show or a museum! I have never seen so much art in one room before!” He pauses for a moment, “What do they plan on doing with all of this?”

“Well Ben’s boss planned on tossing it all since most of it isn’t from any famous artists,” Will’s heart sinks, “But Ben convinced him to donate it to an art school, make the business look good,” he finishes.

“Yes, good publicity in exchange for not throwing away a collection of people’s hard work,” he doesn’t mean to sound bitter but some people will just never understand art. It’s just a thing that takes up space in their new office building. 

Bill just hums, “Well I did manage to convince Ben to let you take your pick of the art here before it gets donated.” He hands Will back the painting. 

He feels as if he’s a kid in a candy store and his mom just said he could get whatever he wants. “I can take whatever I want? Are you sure?”

“One hundred percent, you have a deep appreciation for art and you’ll actually care about these pieces,” He stands in front of him and Will realizes how close they've gotten. Bill reaches out and tucks a strand of his hair behind his ear, his hand lingering, “I’m really suh-sorry about earlier by the way. You make me nervous.”

“You don’t have to apologize, I don’t date often because most people also make me nervous,” he leans into Bill’s hand, remembering what Richie had said earlier about Bill’s ex and how he has hesitations about people getting to know the real him. He's not going to be one of those people that 'burn' him.

“I’m honored to be your date tonight then,” Bill murmurs.

They’re so close their breaths are mingling and right when Bill’s eyes flutter shut and he leans down to kiss him, Will slyly ducks out from under his arm, “Come on! We got art to go through!” 

Bill sighs, amused, “Okay where do you want to start?”

For the next hour, they go through every canvas and every sketch. Will pays no attention to the sculptures as he doesn’t think he’ll have room for them in his dorm.

During this he learns that Bill used to sketch a lot when he was younger before diving into writing and like his writing, he would draw horror. Bill ends up taking home a sketch of a rib cage with flowers blooming through the ribs. He still has a passion for macabre works of art. 

Will on the other hand takes home a painting of a lonely cabin scene and two sketches, one of a beautiful man with wings and another of a bed of flowers. Plus he took the watercolor painting of the river that he first grabbed. Honestly he was holding back.

“I can’t believe you didn’t want that painting of the naked chicken,” Bill says as he loads Will's painting into the backseat of his truck.

“It was a featherless chicken, not a naked one,” he corrects, still a little disgusted by how detailed it was. He jumps into the passenger seat as Bill is getting into the driver's seat.

“That st-still counts as naked.” 

“Why do you do that? Trip on words sometimes?” He realizes how insensitive that sounds too late, “Wait! You don’t have to answer that! I’m sorry!”

“Hey, it’s okay! You’re a lot nicer about asking about it than s-some people,” Bill reaches over and takes a hold of his hand, giving it a reassuring squeeze, “I used to have a horrible st-stutter and I’ve almost got it under control, it still comes out I guess.”

Will squeezes his hand back, “I think it’s kinda cute- if that’s okay to say?”

“That’s okay to say,” he raises their entwined hands and kisses the back of Will’s hand. His lips feel soft. 

He feels the need to share something intimate about himself. What did Richie say, talk about the deep stuff? Fuck it, he’s going to do that.

“I’m a virgin.” Well, that’s one way to say it, Will.

Bill’s eyebrow furrows, “I wasn’t planning on trying to get into your p-pants if that’s what-”

“No no no,” shit he made Bill get defensive, he honestly could have said that better, “I didn’t think that you were! Just you shared something personal about yourself and I wanted to do that too! Earlier Richie told me to talk about the ‘deep stuff’ with you and- God I don’t know; I feel like I just messed this all up.”

A big hand cups the side of his face, forcing him to meet Bill’s eye, “You didn’t mess anything up,” Bill soothes, “And Richie is an idiot but I’m glad he told you we should talk about the deep stuff. Eventually, we’re going to have to have a conversation about your luh-limits in the bedroom and what you’re comfortable with and you will be the one to set those,” Will positively colors at that but it takes a weight off his chest he hadn’t realized was there, “I’m happy you shared that with me, thank you for trusting me enough to tell me that.”

Will knows that when he loses his virginity, he wants to lose it to Bill but like Bill said, that’s a conversation for another time. Right now all he can focus on is, “You said ‘eventually’ implying you want to see me more?”

Bill smiles at him boyishly, “As if that was a question. I p-plan on annoying you for a long while, hope you’re okay with that.”

His entire being is beaming. The boys Will likes aren’t supposed to return his feelings- especially not boys like Bill Denrbough. “Yeah, I think I’m more than okay with that.” 

Neither of them wants to move despite how late it’s getting. Foolishly the romantic side of him is thinking about how he doesn’t want this night to end. Their hands are still linked over the middle console and Bill’s hand is still cupping his cheek, his thumb brushing against the side of his face. 

“Can I kiss you?” Bill asks softly.

In lew of words, Will just nods his head. Sure he’s been kissed before. Once in middle school by Sally Mae behind the bleachers, the kiss that solidified that he liked boys, and then once in a game of spin the bottle with Lucas. Both of them were chased and lacked any of the emotion that Bill has when he kisses him. His lips are soft.

He has to remind himself to close his eyes. Bill takes the lead and presses and disconnects their lips a couple of times, pulling back minutely to nudge his nose against his and he gets the hint, he starts to move his lips as well. He can feel Bill smiling. It’s when he’s getting the hang of this that Bill swipes his tongue against his bottom lip. It felt foreign yet good and he gasps when Bill does it again. Bill’s tongue travels into his mouth slowly, licking and mapping it out. Will lets go of his hand and grasps his shoulders, trying to ground himself. He doesn’t have much to compare this to but he thinks Bill is a very good kisser. The noises he’s making he would find a little embarrassing any other time but right now he's not in any capacity to care. 

Disappointedly, Bill breaks the kiss, resting his forehead against his, “I really like you, William Byers.”

Will blushes, “I really like you too, William Denbrough.” 

A/N: AHA okay you can tell that for some reason I really struggled to find my footing writing this and with the dialogue but,,,this is my second draft of the chapter and I'm still not happy with it and I didn't have it in my to start over.

That being said I am really happy with how the ending turned out. I love soft boys.

This is the last chapter for WillBill as in part three we will be seeing how the rest of Wheelzier and Elstan's night went...that one will definitely be at least rated M bc Wheelzier :0

Thank you for reading! I always appreciate the people that read my rare pair nonsense!

[italoniponic]

May i request hcs of deuce, sebek and jack trying to court their crush who happens to be awkward and very shy when talking to others? (Basically idia but without the otaku-)

𝐂𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐫𝐲'𝐬 𝐇𝐚𝐫𝐯𝐞𝐬𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠 - 𝐖𝐫𝐢𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐄𝐯𝐞𝐧𝐭

| Notes: Hi, anon! Now, as you can see here, my definition of courting is someone making their crush like them back by understanding them, helping, making themselves useful for something, etc. And that’s solely bc idk how a usual courting would go lmao So… I just wanted to say that. Maybe I’m just reading things my own way, idk. Maybe I need to read more books?  There’s a very similar ask but with Ace, Kalim and Floyd, tho I’m not sure if you’re the same anon (especially bc in that one, it’s more emphasized that the reader avoids people). But in case someone likes this specific reader! But this was really sweet to make, hope you like it! I did bc I always like to write especially for Jack <3 Thanks for the request <3 |

Deuce Spade, Sebek Zigvolt, Jack Howl x g!n awkward and shy reader / headcanons / crush / fluff / use of “you” pronouns

Cherry’s Harvesting event 🍒 Masterlist

Charming But Awkward

Deuce wasn't exactly introverted like you. In fact, he had never been able to put “names” to his own personality. He is open to talk when he should be but shy in other situations. In a way, he understands your feelings a little, like when you can't engage in a conversation and keeps quiet, probably wondering if you said something wrong;

Despite this, as you have always been kind to him and care about what he says, Deuce inevitably ended up falling in love with you. But how would he make you notice him? Show that he was a potential boyfriend as much as an honors student? Deuce spent days trying to think of what to do;

Since this doesn't always prove to work for him, Deuce decides to first do things naturally. He combines this with some advice from Trey, the most introspective kind of person he knows and wouldn't be shy about asking anything. Well, Trey isn't exactly shy but he knows what would help Deuce and you in this case; 

Among other things, Deuce always agrees with what you say to show support and confidence in your speech during conversations. In any doubt he has about a subject, you are the first person he asks;

You end up doing a lot of study sessions at the Ramshackle, which is a little less noisy than Heartslabyul — a place where everyone is relatively social and eccentric, in their own way. Deuce is very fond of accompanying you to your dorm and one of the reasons is because the antique furniture reminds him of his grandmother's house;

Deuce may not be a great comedian, but he likes your smile and knows how to make you laugh when you most need to. It helps a lot in your mood, especially when you're feeling down. Deuce is the first to notice this. He once blurted out that when you don't smile, the world loses its color and that's why he captures it so quickly;

Needless to say, those words generated a long moment of silence between you, Deuce trying to hide his beet red blush face with his hands while babbling gibberish and you looking away, your heart suddenly pounding. You could only think of the natural and subtle way Deuce said that, literally without thinking;

Deuce will always defend you if someone makes fun of you because of your lack of sociability or takes advantage of your shyness to do something. It doesn't make him very proud but, he knows exactly what bullies do to more shy people so a siren always sound on his head when someone makes a weird approach on you;

If you're not feeling well enough to shop, Deuce offers to do it for you and deliver to the Ramshackle. Of course, you know he won't be able to do it all the time but, his care is very touching. Even if he makes multiple calls to make sure he's picking the right things off the list, you know his intentions are good;

Talking more with you, Deuce began to understand more a world of which he never had much contact. He must have been a shy kid at first, until his life started to “shuffle” from pre-adolescence and continue on that path until he won the game. But next to you, he doesn't worry too much about these things and manages to be himself;

At the end of the day, Deuce didn't have to do more than the impossible for you to think of him differently. It may not be entirely but, Deuce understands your difficulties and wants to help you in whatever you need, in addition to showing how much he cares about you. He is very cool without even realizing it. You sigh, but it's a joyful sigh. You are in love after all.

It didn’t need to be very smart to realize that you and Sebek were two really contrasting people. You were extremely shy, talking to other people was a real challenge. Meanwhile, Sebek was imposing and audible — literally — with a strong presence that set him apart from everyone else. But despite these differences, he eventually fell in love with you;

That's because you two are more alike than you think, and you had earned Sebek’s trust by quickly commenting on how Malleus had a fantastic aura — the reason you couldn't talk to him very well, just as strictly necessary. But this recognition about his Young Master made Sebek think about how you were an excellent observer;

Soon after, Sebek was completely fascinated by your stillness and your quiet manner. Your kindness in always being willing to listen to him and take him seriously. Sebek always invited you to watch his workouts and even though it wasn’t a very interesting activity for you, it was kinda cool to watch Sebek in a sword duel with Silver;

Lilia had to pull Sebek's ear for wooing you so “badly” in the beginning. Yes, he needed to train but it wasn’t you being a special spectator in those sessions that would win your heart. He needed to do something more sensitive that could involve both of you. Sebek had no idea what to do — at least, he never had that kind of concern in the Valley of Thorns;

Following his tutor’s instructions who only had experience through several romantic and obviously unreliable books, Sebek sought to try to be kinder to you and understand your difficulties as a shy person. Which he doesn't quite understand because quieter people like you would be very welcomed in the Court of Thorns;

But in any case, Sebek would like to show you respect. You are his beloved one after all, even though he took quite a while to accept. But, therefore, you must be treated well and even if people cannot hear your voice, Sebek will repeat your words and make sure that you are definitely heard;

Sebek sometimes shouts your name in the middle of a conversation and turns to you, smiling excitedly, “Do you have any comments to make on this topic?”. You take your time to advise Sebek how not to try to please you, which he devoutly writes down in a special notebook. Despite Sebek's strange manner, it is visible that he has good intentions and his care captures your heart;

Even though he’s just as socially awkward as you, in his own way, Sebek is much more effective in other activities. He helps you during physical education with some tips and offers to carry you in case you’re tired. If you have a question and are afraid to ask someone, you can pick him up without fear!;

Sebek will always praise you, even in the small things, loud and clear because in his opinion, the world needs to recognize your greatness — and the Young Master’s too, of course, but... maybe yours should be more? The first years ended up calling you the “New Waka-sama” because of this, in which Sebek defended your honor by praising you even more;

Talking to you more and getting to know you better, Sebek remembers other humans he met who were very similar to you. Mr. Zigvolt is, much to his own surprise, the first one that comes to mind. When you smile, grateful for his help with something, Sebek wonders if his father would be happy with something like that too. To make you soften his heart built of principles hard as a rock, you are really an amazing human!;

But it's a side of Sebek that you're happy to get to know and join with your growing admiration for his potent way of putting himself in front of people. Watching Sebek yell at people for bothering you for being a recluse or talking in a lower tone might not really solve anything but, it's pretty funny. The way he is willing to stand by you makes your heart race and you want to become stronger to do the same for him, even if it’s in your silent ways.

Within all proportions, Jack understood very well your personality type and the difficulties you feel most of the time when trying to talk to other people and not get too used to the lively social environment in which you find yourself in. Well, Jack wasn't called a “lone wolf” all the time for nothing;

First of all, the fact that you two met was the fruit of a mere chance — and a lion full of issues. Because, in general, you two are the type of introverts who wouldn’t be able to interact under normal conditions. Jack never approaches people unnecessarily and you would perhaps be intimidated by his tough aura, which would make conversation more difficult;

But you met, became friends, and now Jack realized how madly in love he is with you. He doesn’t know when or how, only that your company does him great good and if it were necessary, he would give his life for you. Jack sometimes doesn’t believe that he is already thinking about these things so soon;

You will notice that, whenever he has the opportunity, Jack will be by your side to help you in whatever it takes. Jack tries to control himself on his answers when you ask about his kindness — or you don't even question anything, he's just used to excusing his actions — because he doesn't want to seem overly rude and push you away. It's a hard habit to control;

While respecting your personal space because that’s something Jack also likes, he will always end up following you or walking next to you in one way or another before he realizes what he is doing. Sometimes you call him to stand beside you to walk together. Jack is a good company and his stature gets people right out of the way without you having to put in a lot of effort to ask them to;

Jack always stays by your side when you get together in a group with others. If he makes any comments, it is usually in your direction and he pays close attention to your reply. He doesn't try to make you a highlight of the conversation but, if you happen to let something slip — quietly or loudly — he'll know and in his quiet way, show that he cares;

It could be said that Jack’s most reserved behavior came from his mother and some of it ended up passing to his younger brother as well. Because of this, he knows how to act normally with you and do things that you would probably enjoy — at least, if it were the other way around, Jack would enjoy it too;

When you don’t feel well enough to go out or do something, you end up staying by the Ramshackle and Jack is the first to support your decision, saying that a “time for yourself” is always good and healthy. His understanding is always welcomed by you. But if you happen to be tired of being alone and want someone calm to talk to, he will come in a minute;

Spending time with Jack is precisely the moment of tranquility you need. You can spend a whole hour in silence and it will still be worth it. In general, you read together or study. To your surprise, Jack gets very close to you. “A lot” in the sense of being more by your side than you would expect coming from him;

But not too close to the point of suffocating you. There is a comfortable closeness and a feeling of security that takes your heart every time you watch him read or do something. Sometimes you notice Jack try to look at you as subtly as he can and then look away, disguising it;

You couldn't help it — in fact, you didn't even want to try not to — to fall in love with Jack back. His way of doing things always puts you at ease and you feel safe to be yourself around him, even if you don't have much confidence in your conversational skills. Still, in conversation or in silence, you would always choose Jack to keep you company.

[beomglocks]

happy (very) 'belated' father’s day

summary : the only father willing to come to the dinner

pairing : dilf neighbor!soobin x (legal)!reader x beomgyu (?)

warnings & other: i wrote the day after fathers day, the title is edited bc im posting this like WAY later LOL, threesome (?), degradation, some beomgyu (no incest), sub!beomgyu if you squint like really fucking hard, definitely not a normal relationship, slight exhibitionism, some possessiveness, DON’T read if you’re uncomfortable with age gaps, edit: REwriting this, this one is for the dilf soobin stans, eat up, don't say i don't feed yall, enjoy <3, kind of proofread

w/c : ~4k

you realize it now.

after living side by side with mr. choi soobin and his son, beomgyu, for a couple of weeks, you’ve started to realize something quite interesting.

1. your mother has a liking for tall lean men.

2. she also has a liking for trying to set you up with the tall lean mens’ son.

now, you wouldn't say you're exactly opposed to getting close to beomgyu. he's conventionally attractive and he seems like a nice boy but you're very much more attracted to the one who created him. it made sense after all.

"give these to mr. choi for me?" your mother all but shoves the roses and chocolates in your arms. you look down quizzically at such gifts. "it's not valentine's day.." you trail off.

you have a strange feeling that soobin would be put off by such acts, not seeming to be as out there as your mother. she doesn't care.

"it's fathers day..well it was...yesterday," she shrugs, fixing her bombshell red lipstick. why was she doing herself up? well a certain mr. choi was coming over.

despite the fact that your own father was out of the picture, that didn't stop your mom from wanting to celebrate every holiday in existence. unfortunately, the only willing father in town to partake in your mother's antics was mr. choi.

he liked to rile her up, you notice. soobin liked to toy with your mother's clear affection towards him, just as he did you. he also liked to throw it in your face sometimes. you didn't say what you observed but you knew he liked to make her feel wanted by a much younger, much more handsome man.

without another word, you decide to give the outlandish gifts to your neighbor. you sigh, looking down at the gifts. some assorted chocolates, nice flower arrangements, and what seems to be a sealed note? you want to roll your eyes but a part of you wonders if soobin would really like these kinds of things.

when you get to the door and ring the bell, the door swings open and there's stands the man himself. he's more put together than you at the moment so you feel out of place even at the front step of his house.

"always a pleasant surprise~" he smiles. his eyes trail down to the gifts in your arms. "for me?" his eyes grow wide and his pouty lips, the ones which you suddenly can't stop staring at since they seemed to be stained cherry red, lay slightly agape.

"from my mom," you deadpan, holding the gifts out. "she's generous~" "overbearing," you correct. "we seem to have different views then," he shrugs. "where's my gift from you though? this can't be all," he ponders in faux thought.

you smile shyly, looking down in embarrassment. "what did you get me baby?" he teasingly leans down closer to you to properly see your face. "could it be perhaps-"

before soobin can place a hand on you, beomgyu comes from downstairs. he's looking sharp, which suits him a lot, you admit. his hair is parted, giving you a teasing view of his forehead. regardless of the fact that he's wearing casual clothes, a stark contrast from his father who dawns an all black attire, beomgyu still manages to make it work for him.

"we'll be seeing you at the dinner," soobin clears his throat, noticing your apparent staring at his son. you can tell that he feels off put by your slight attraction to beomgyu. however small or minuscule it may be its still there to him.

the dinner goes almost exactly how you thought it would. soobin and your mother hit it off, talking about whatever they could to distract themselves from their children for a while. to your surprise soobin barely interacts with you. he seems too occupied with entertaining your mom to pay you any mind.

you're not sure why but this bothers you. beomgyu is occupied in the bathroom at the moment so you can't help but glance in their direction every couple of seconds. your mom is currently leaning against soobin's broad shoulder, laughing at something he's previously said. so he’s a comedian.

you watch as he looks down at her with a satisfied smile on his face. you bite the inside on your cheek and as if on cue, soobin looks up in your direction and smirks. it's almost as if he's taunting you. you bite down harder until you taste something metallic in your mouth.

you're not sure where this feeling of jealously is coming from and you know it's not healthy but you can't help it. maybe you've gotten too attached to your older neighbor in these past couple of weeks.

beomgyu comes out of the restroom with a sigh, walking back into the living room where you are. he can feel a weird tension in your general area but decides not to comment on it. suddenly you stand up, catching beomgyu off guard.

"come on beomgyu!" you say loud enough for everyone to hear especially soobin. the man in question practically pauses in speech midway to look over at you and his son. he eyes you both, mainly giving you a glare that will be engraved in your mind but you don't care. he needs a taste of his own medicine.

"come on let's go to my room, i need to show you something~" you urge him along. meanwhile, you say those words while staring straight at soobin. you hear your mom assure him that it's ok, "the kids are doing their own thing." you knew you were being childish and petty but if soobin wanted to fuck around with you this is what he would have to deal with as well.

you drag beomgyu along to your room who seems quite eager to be in this position. all he knows is that there's a weird tension between you and his father but that's as far as his knowledge goes.

when you both arrive at your room you close the door behind you and lean back on it. "is everything alright?" beomgyu hesitantly asks. you sigh, ushering him along to sit on the bed with you. he looks around subtly at all the little items in your room. everything seems to reflect you well, in his opinion. "well.." you try to stall.

you look up at him through your lashes. "you like me right?" beomgyu stares at you with wide eyes, "i-i mean yeah?" he stutters at your boldness.

"then lets try something," you smile at him, casually pulling your shirt over your head. "let's see how long it takes for your dad to come see us in this position," you say to yourself.

soobin doesn't need to be a rocket scientist to know what's going on here. he knows you're being a brat on purpose but he doesn't care because it makes it all the more fun. he will say he's surprised that you're using beomgyu, his own son, to get to him.

at first, he was getting annoyed with how you seemed to take a liking for his son which is why he wanted to rile you up by seeming extra interested in whatever your mom had to say. now, however, he knew he had a plan for that. you were not going to outsmart him, he wouldn't allow it and he would just have to put you in your place.

"excuse me but i need to use your restroom," soobin makes up a bullshit excuse to get to where you are. "oh of course!" your mom nods at him, instructing him towards the one upstairs. perfect.

"ill just finish up the dinner then!" your mother offers. "great that's enough time to put this slut in her place," he thinks. he smiles at your mom heading for upstairs.

"beomgyu you look like you just saw a ghost," you chuckle lightly, looking down at him. "y/n," he groans at the sight of only seeing you in your bra. he reaches up to grab your breasts, fondling them as delicately as possible. "you can be rough," you offer.

without even bothering to knock on the door, soobin opens it to see you both on the bed in a lewd position. you shirtless on top of beomgyu. he sucks his teeth when you both look back in alarm at the door being burst open. "y/n," he chuckles, almost sadistically.

you can already see the look in his eyes and suddenly you feel bad for not only yourself but beomgyu as well. you try to subtly grab your shirt again in shame but soobin's glare stops you. "what do you think you're doing little slut?" he folds his arms over his chest. not even caring that beomgyu is in the room, he walks over to you and grabs your hair causing you to yelp in surprise.

"s-sir.." soobin narrows his eyes at you then they flit over to beomgyu. "sit over there," he motions to the beanbag in the corner of the room. "i want you to learn something from this." without another word, beomgyu scrambles over to the seat, his heart beating in fear and excitement strangely.

you feel heat rising up your neck and to your cheeks as well as your dripping pussy. "don't be embarrassed, im sure this was your plan all along," soobin tsks, shoving your face down into the sheets. you breathe out when he rips the skirt and underwear from your body without a second thought. the racy thong that was supposed to be his surprise for father's day discarded in a second.

"soobin-" a smack to your ass. "that's not my name."

he doesn't even give you a chance to correct yourself, messing with your sticky juices before entering his cold fingers into your hole. you try to stifle your moan by burying your head further into the sheets.

"god you're so wet," soobin comments. he slowly moves his finger in and out for a while, practically torturing you with how meticulous and slow he's being. "please," you whine pathetically. "please what?" he slows his movements to stare at you with a raised eyebrow.

"please f-fuck me, please, i need your cock," you beg shamelessly. beomgyu breathes heavily, trying to forget about his growing boner but not being able to ignore it. he painfully wants to do something about it but he's not sure if he's allowed to touch himself.

he opts for subtly dragging his hand to his clothed crotch and palming himself through his pants, as uncomfortable as it is. in the meantime, soobin rids himself of his own pants, shaking his head.

he lightly smacks your throbbing pussy and you jolt. "do you seriously think you deserve it? fuck, look at you, can’t wait to be fucked like a bitch in heat~" you whine, wiggling your ass wordlessly in his face to hopefully get what you want.

soobin rubs your clit with narrowed eyes, making sure beomgyu is watching. he could care less that beomgyu is touching himself. he drags some of your cum from your hole to your clit and sighs. "alright then.."

he aligns himself with your hole and without another word slips his cock in with ease, completely bottoming out.

you want to scream at how big he is but you're only left with ragged pants as you know you're unable to make any loud noises. it seriously feels like you could be torn apart at any minute but you love the feeling of soobin’s cock filling you out.

"you're so tight seriously," soobin breathes. he can barely move at first. the way his dick fits inside of your pussy perfectly. he almost wants to comment about how you were practically made for him. he's sure if he flips you over right now, he would see the outline of his cock in your womb.

after waiting a bit for you to adjust to his length he finally starts moving. "shit-" he breathes. you have to grip the sheets to stop yourself from yelling. soobin's hands find their way to your waist and when you look to the side just for a split second you can see beomgyu fighting for his life to not moan out loud.

"look beomgyu-" soobin says in between jagged breaths. "if you wanna fuck around with his pathetic slut this is how you treat her." a moan gets caught in your throat when soobin pounds into you at once. "ah- i-" a part of you wants to apologize and is trying to but he won't give you a chance to speak.

"isn't that right my slutpuppy? did you have something to add?" at the sound of the nickname your walls tighten around him and he sends a harsh smack to your ass. "you're enjoying this aren't you?" he rolls his eyes and sighs heavily.

soobin thrusts start getting faster and faster, beomgyu watching with his mouth agape at his father kissing and sucking at your neck to muffle his own moans. beomgyu can only bite his lip and noises from his throat barely pass his lips as he reaches his high.

soobin growls at seeing your eyes focus on beomgyu so he starts slamming his cock into you at an animalistic pace and you think you might break.

beomgyu bucks into his hand as he cums from the sound and sight of skin slapping added with the tiny noises you'd make. not too long after you feel yourself shudder, unable to warn soobin that you had come you squeeze your eyes shut and let out a whine instead.

"fuck- ok baby," soobin understands as soon as your walls squeeze around him. he pants a couple a times and as soon as he reaches his high he pulls out, pumping his cock to let his cum shoot out on your ass.

"s-sir," you moan. "shhh it's ok." soobin sighs heavily, coming down from his own high to tend to your broken state. he looks over at beomgyu, who's head is lulled to the side as he gazes at your sweat and semen covered body.

soobin sucks his teeth deciding not to say anything to the boy and let him chill for a minute. he shrugs his pants back on and carries you in his arms to the nearest bathroom.

you cozy up to his warm embrace, letting out a sigh. "baby we need to clean you off.." you hear him whisper. you almost completely forget that there's a dinner that's supposed to be happening and you cant just go to sleep with soobin like you'd want.

a sudden coldness hits your body and you shiver. "ok," you agree. his cum is already starting to dry on you and you want nothing more than to be cleaned like he offers. you're not sure how you'll explain your change of clothes to your mom but you're sure you'll come up with something later.

no words need to be spoken after what happened and you're glad because you're not sure what to say. soobin doesn't seem keen on talking at the moment either, too focused on cleaning you off, so you decide to stay quiet.

it's silent in the bathroom until you both hear your mother all out. "dinner's ready!"

you chuckle, breaking the silence as soobin looks up at you with a questioning eyebrow. “happy father’s day.”

[jensengirl83]

You’ll Accompany Me- Prologue

Jensen x reader

Word Count-1244

Warnings- Language, a little fluff.

A/N- I want to say thank you to @deangirl93 for being my beta, and I need to thank @wonder-cole and @flamencodiva. Thank you guys for giving me the push to write this series when I didn’t want to some days. I appreciate you so much!

Jensen sat down with a huff, wiping the sweat from his brow. He hadn’t intended to move to Toronto to film, but he needed to get out of Austin for a while after his divorce, and this would be a good reprieve for him. It wasn’t as if he was planning on staying forever, just while he filmed for The Boys. His thoughts were cut short when a can of beer landed in his lap.

“Looks like you needed that,” she smiled, taking a place beside him on his couch.

Y/N had been his personal assistant when he started Supernatural, and she had stayed the entire fifteen years of filming. They had become fast friends, and he trusted her just as much as he did Jared. In fact, that’s why she was there, not only helping him move in, but she was going to be his PA on the set of The Boys. He knew that he wouldn’t want anyone else to spend his days with, and she already knew him so well it just made sense.

“Thanks,” he smiled, popping the tab on the can and taking a long drink, “I don’t know what I’d do without you short stack.”

“Funny, Ackles,” she smirked, feigning annoyance, “You’re a fucking comedian.”

“You know you love me,” he laughed, giving her his best smile. She always called it his ‘panty-dropping smile,’ but he laughed it off most of the time.

“Do I?” she chuckled at the fake hurt on his face, “You know I do, or I wouldn’t be freezing my ass off in Canada with you!”

“Yeah, but you are getting paid to be here,” he chuckled at the expression on her face. A look of, are you kidding me.

“I wouldn’t have accepted a PA job here if it wasn’t working with you,” she rolled her eyes for extra emphasis, “Especially now that I have to find an apartment.”

“Why don’t you stay here? I have two guest rooms. It would make it easier on both of us,” he offered without hesitation. They were so close that it wouldn’t be an issue to be roommates.

“I can’t put you out like that.”

“How is it putting me out? I’ve paid for the place already. So it isn’t making a difference if you stay here. We can carpool to set, split on food. It just makes sense to me,” he smiled, wrapping his arm around her shoulder.

“Are you sure? What if you want privacy? I don’t want to be in your way,” she asked nervously.

“Privacy? For what? After the divorce, I have no plans on dating any time soon.”

“If you’re sure…,” she whispered, not wanting to feel like she would be invading his life.

“I’m sure, Y/N. In fact, it will be nice not to be alone every night. So, what do you say? Roomies?” he asked, wiggling his eyebrows and eliciting a giggle from her.

“What about Danneel? Will it cause problems when the kids come to stay with you?” She didn’t want to cause any issues in their recent split. It had been amicable, and she wanted it to stay that way for his and the kids’ sake.

“Y/N, Dee loves you, too. You’ve been around since before I met her, and you’ve been around the kids since the day they were born. She knows we’re friends, and she won’t have a problem with us being roommates, I promise.”

“Okay, fine. Roomie,” she cackled as he tackled her on the couch in a hug.

“Now that it’s settled, how about we order a pizza? We have to get you unpacked now, too,” he winked, making her laugh again.

“Sounds good.”

He was excited at the idea that she was going to live there. It’s not that he couldn’t be alone, but who enjoys it? Other than Jared, she was one of the best friends he had. Her living with him would be fun and just another adventure for the two of them. And, he wouldn’t say it out loud, but that woman could cook! He could too, but not as well as she could, and he was looking forward to getting her cooking on a more frequent basis. And how could he not offer to let her stay after she agreed to follow him to Toronto?

“Alright, let’s get back to it. We have a lot of shit to unpack,” she sighed, standing up to stretch, bringing him out of his reverie.

“Okay, I’ll order the pie and meet you in the kitchen to finish in there, sweetheart.”

“Jensen, your Dean is showing,” she grinned before leaving him on the couch to make her way to the kitchen.

“Smartass,” he mumbled under his breath but with a smile.

“I heard that,” she yelled back in a sing-song voice, making him laugh and shake his head.

Later that night, after the pizza was eaten and the kitchen and bedrooms were unpacked, Jensen sat at the foot of her bed as she put away the last of her laundry. She was thankful that he had offered to let her stay. She was hesitant at first, not wanting to infringe on his lifestyle, but it would help her in more ways than one. Not having to pay rent and all the utilities were a big help all in itself, let alone having her best friend to hang out with at the end of the day.

She should have known that he would make her an offer to stay. He was a very generous and kind man, always trying to help people any way he could. That was one of the qualities she loved most about him. Becoming a celebrity had never gone to his head, and he remained the loving, caring person he had always been. Now able to help more than he could before the fame and fortune.

“Well, roomie, we got a lot done today,” he said, effectively bringing her out of her thoughts.

“Are you going to stop calling me that at some point,” she asked, rolling her eyes.

“One, your eyes are going to stick in the back of your head one day as much as you roll them, and two, I can always go back to calling you short stack,” he chuckled, raising an eyebrow.

“You’re an ass, you know that?” she quipped, throwing a t-shirt in his face.

“Okay, fine,” he laughed, throwing her shirt back at her, “Any plans tomorrow?”

“Not really. I was going to look for an apartment, but that’s a moot point now,” she shrugged, “So, I’ll just hang around here and get some unpacking and cleaning done. What about you?”

“I have an interview tomorrow. Other than that, I’m free,” he said, leaning back on her bed.

“Well, good. I won’t have to do all this by myself. I’ll save the hard stuff for you,” she giggled, sticking her tongue out at him.

“Of course you will,” he huffed, returning her gesture by sticking his tongue out.

“What time is the interview?” she questioned, still laughing at their antics.

“Nine am, why?”

“Because it’s already after midnight. You may want to get off my bed and go to your own,” she said, shooing him off her bed and to her door.

“Fine, good night, Y/N.”

“Night, Jensen. Good luck with the interview tomorrow,” she told him, giving him a hug before he shut her door behind him.

@flamencodiva @foxyjwls007 @waywardbeanie @emoryhemsworth @valsworldofcreativity @hardcoresupernatural @msmarvelouswinchester @lyarr24 @danneelsmain @akshi8278 @ellewritesfix05 @winchest09 @defenderrosetyler @hobby27 @whatareyousearchingfordean  @deanwanddamons @atc74 @superfanficnatural  @supernatural-love14 @vicmc624 @squirrelnotsam @tatted-trina6 @xhannahbananax03 @coffeebooksandfandom  @mrsfox79 @malfoysqueen14 @moron225 @deans-baby-momma @lovelyrocker @fablesrose @maralisa124 @deangirl93 @aimee-ginge @anathewierdo @donnaintx @screechingartisancashbailiff @itsdesiree86 @kyjey @roxytheimmortal @briagallen @aubageddon91 @lunarmoon8 @that-one-gay-girl @stoneyggirl @kitkatd7 @wonder-cole @brilovesdeanwinchester @allonsy-yesiwill  @krazykelly @440mxs-wife @rebelemilu @sarahbaker2010 @onethirstyunicorn @tyferbebe @metalfangirl @redbarn1995 @thoughts-and-funnies @izzathequeen @heavensangel45135  @entersand-man  @michellethetvaddict @supraveng @percywinchester27 @downanddirtydean @bobbie3939 @waynes-multiverse  @zooaliaa @watermelonlipstick @katelynw931-blog @soaringeag1e @thinkinghardhardlythinking @treat-winchesterswith-kindness @deandreamernp@unnuevosoltransformalarealidad @kazsrm67 @pink-sparkly-witch @samsgirl93​

[ethereal-blossom]

Headcannons for dazai and chuuya(separately) with an s/o that’s a comedian and while listening to one of there stories/shows they realize that s/o met the old mafia boss when they where a kid.

a/n: hi, anon! wow, this was definitely one of the most interesting and challenging requests that i have gotten. thank you for the request and i hope you enjoy!

dazai was extremely fond to go to one of your shows! your humor was one of the few things he found enjoyable in life and unless many things it didn't make him want to jump off a bridge.

dazai was enjoying himself throughout the whole show. however, for dazai the pleasure stopped when you began your new story. the details of the man you were describing- dazai recognized him immediately. no matter how hard the audience laughed, dazai's mood changed and the only thing his mind could do was wander and pay attention to the smallest details in your story that could lead to more meetings with his old boss.

dazai asked himself how much of the story was accurate. after all, you were a comedian and it was your job to made the audience have a good time instead of giving them distress.

after the show, dazai would put on a fake smile to congratulate you backstage on the outstanding performance. however, dazai wouldn't ask directly neither immediately. he would wait till you were somewhere private for him to dig deeper into this mystery.

so, when you would arrive at your place, dazai would casually start about that one particular story you had told about the intimidating man that night.

now, there are two outcomes.

outcome one: you exaggerated the story in the hope to amuse the audience. in that case, dazai isn't all too worried. he doesn't like that you had to stare his previous boss in the eyes, but thankfully the man was dead. dazai could rest peacefully.

outcome two: if you had actually made the story more funnier than it was while the meeting was in fact very stressful, dazai wanted to get to the bottom of this. dazai wanted to collect all the pieces together so he could see the whole picture. he couldn't rest before he knew everything. depended on the story, dazai would find ways to comfort you and to tell you that the man is dead and that you don't have to worry about him anymore.

"no worries, love. it has been taken care of already."

chuuya, the supportive significant other he is, was very excited to go to your show! he was totally ready to laugh the loudest and to clap the hardest.

while watching the show, chuuya had the proudest grin on his face during the show, constantly thinking "that's my lover." he would later brag and assure you that the audience definitely were having fun, too.

nevertheless, the pride on chuuya's face soon changed into confusion. why did your new story had some familiar sounding details to it? it took a while before chuuya started cursing under his breath. no way, did you really meet- the old port mafia boss?

since that part of your performance, chuuya had the biggest trouble sitting still. he was constantly showing a sign of anxiety or impatience. the only thing chuuya wanted was to talk to you, but he also couldn't walk on stage, throw you over his shoulder to then get you off stage. although, the idea sounded tempting.

unlike dazai, chuuya wouldn't have much patience and he would soon after the show ask you if you could talk somewhere in private.

and again, the two outcomes:

outcome one: you exaggerated the story in the hope to amuse the audience. in that case, chuuya's inner peace would return. your significant other was relieved to hear that you got off easy, which could be called a miracle.

outcome two: f you had actually made the story more funnier than it was while the meeting was in fact very stressful, chuuya made sure that you felt safe and comforted by him. chuuya does wants to know the details, but he's rather focused on if you brought it off okay. chuuya would reassure you that his current port mafia had taken care of the bastard.

"you don't have to worry about the bastard anymore, babe. it'll not happen again, not with me by your side."

[peach-astrology]

Humor and the influence of Mercury

Hi! In this article,I will talk about some of my notes about humor in the signs of Mercury.My observations are based on the natal charts of friends,relatives,and famous comedians.

1)Many of my favorite stand-up artists have Mercury in Sagittarius.Mercury is responsible for our thinking,communication,and sometimes our voice.Sagittarius is famous for a broad outlook,so their jokes affect every area of life,they never get hung up on one thing,they tend to change topics often and you won't even notice it.Also this sign tends to add jokes to every situation and it's really funny.

2)Mercury in Capricorn makes cruel jokes.Not everyone will understand their humor,but this is their advantage.They tend to make jokes about themselves and other people.A huge amount of sarcasm and banter.Quite harsh statements and the truth.They rarely laugh at their own jokes,they prefer to watch the reactions of others.Very often it has its own unusual style of jokes or communication.

3)Mercury in Cancer is famous for its strange humor.OMG,they have such a sweet and gentle voice that when they swear it's so funny.They usually have a pleasant and quiet laugh.Comedians with this position often paused in jokes or told with a very strange intonation,which is why they are popular,because people remember them.No matter how stereotypical it may sound,but often they start a monologue with the phrase " I've been thinking/Do you know what the most offensive thing is?".They take topics that they care about,it can be social problems or funny stories from life.

4)Mercury in Taurus jokes logically.They have really intelligent jokes,I don't even always understand them.They have such a nice voice...In contrast to Sagittarius their topics smoothly flow from one to the other.They usually end with the sharpest joke.They often choose situations from life for jokes.They don’t have a specific style,so their speech is remembered only by jokes,and not by the manner of speech.

5)In general,Mercury in Leo rarely jokes,usually he laughs a lot.They carefully monitor the reaction of others to their jokes,otherwise they will feel uncomfortable for the rest of their lives.They rarely joke about themselves,but they have a sense of humor.I want to devote special attention to their charisma,people like to listen to them so much, as if they are a magnet.Oh yeah,they also like to joke that they're narcissistic(or they're not kidding ahahaha)In any case,people laugh with their jokes due to their artistry and frankness.

6)I thought about Mercury in Virgo for a long time,because this is the strongest position of Mercury and the weakest(in my opinion)for a humorist.I often notice in my life that people in this position rarely laugh at jokes because they don't understand them.Their humor is much more complex and intelligent than that of Mercury in Taurus.They are good at normal communication,business conferences or discussions,but not in jokes.

7)Mercury in Aries jokes as spontaneously as Mercury in Sagittarius,but from Aries you hear the craziest jokes.They like black humor,they like to send memes to everyone.Aries has charisma,but not as strong as Leo.By the way,they are very funny swear and angry ahaha.They love sarcasm and often joke about themselves.

8)Mercury in Gemini is famous for its funny life stories.Their ass will always find adventure.They rarely use sarcasm,but they like intellectual humor.I noticed that they are very emotional telling all the jokes,which makes people laugh even more.They are very fun and interesting.If you are bored,then call Mercury in Gemini.

9)People love Mercury's emotions in Libra,especially when they are surprised,they are like 0_0 ahahaha.They sooo love to joke about themselves,like Gemini they have a lot of funny stories,but for some reason they rarely tell them.They have no boundaries they joke,they can even joke about death(once my friend with Mercury in Libra joked about the fact that she is late even for her own funeral)They are well gesticulated and have a stylistic intonation.

10)Mercury in Scorpio is the king of black humor.They also like to make vulgar jokes(sorry for the stereotypes,but it's true).Sometimes they even tend to go too far.They parody people well.Their humor is somewhat reminiscent of Capricorn,it is also sharp and sarcastic.I noticed that they often roll their eyes or tell jokes with an emotionless face for effect.They like to laugh with their own jokes.

11)Mercury in Aquarius understands all memes,not even his own country.I have not met a famous comedian with this position,so this sign is not common in humor.Why did I so often see them drop or break something at the most inopportune moment and it was very funny?By the way,in every company this sign has its own jokes.This is one of the friendliest signs,so their humor is rarely sarcastic.They like comedies,stand-ups,but they rarely joke.

12)I can say little about Mercury in Pisces,for they are the least joking of all the signs of the zodiac.They are very insecure jokes, usually laughing only at themselves.They like to listen to others rather than speak for themselves.However,this does not mean that they are boring.They just don't want to joke,that's all.

[tellthemeerkatsitsfine]

Okay, everyone, it’s here. Nish Kumar’s 2022 show Your Power, Your Control, on TV for everyone to see. If there’s anyone who wants to see it and can’t, send me a message or a non-anonymous ask and I’ll send you a link. Anyone, really. I really, really want everyone to watch this, and I am happy to share with absolutely everyone. I say this because I know what the culture’s like on this site, how people think “Oh I don’t know, I haven’t talked to that person before, I can’t just message them out of nowhere, it would be weird.” It won’t be. Even if I’ve never interacted with you before and we’re not mutuals or anything, if you want a link, ask. I want to spread this. Though if you live in the UK and are able to, you should watch this through official channels (Sky and Now TV) so he’ll get whatever support he’ll get from viewcount.

I saw this show twice last year. Once in mid-May in New York City, and once in late July in Montreal. When I booked tickets for his show in NYC, I didn’t know he was going to take the show to Just For Laughs in Montreal. If I had know that, I wouldn’t have booked the NYC tickets, because NYC is an 8.5-hour drive away, and requires crossing a national border, while Montreal is two hours away and in the same country as me. However, I’m glad I bought those tickets before I knew. Because the NYC show was amazing, and it was worth seeing twice. I hated the NYC trip, overall. My dad and I spent all day Saturday driving there, then slept on my brother’s uncomfortable couch (he was briefly living there at the time, so at least we didn’t have to pay for accommodation, which was nice), then spent all day Sunday driving back. I’d never been to that city before, and I didn’t like it, with its crowds and its skyrocketed COVID rates but no one was wearing masks, and its general atmosphere that I just hated. I hated every moment of the trip during which I was not in a room with Nish Kumar. And the whole thing was still worth it. And then of course I saw it again in Montreal. That’s how good a show it was.

The show changed a bit in the couple of months between the two I saw. The most notable being that in NYC, he complained about comedians who use their platform to be a dick to minorities, and then shouted: “Fuck you Dave Chappelle, fuck you Ricky Gervais!” In Montreal, he did the same routine, but this time ended it with: “Fuck you Dave Chapelle, fuck you Ricky Gervais, fuck you Jimmy Carr!” I am a bit curious to see if he leaves all those names in on the filmed version, particularly the last one as he was hanging out with Jimmy Carr on Katherine Ryan’s couch for her Backstage TV show not too long before this, it might fuck that up a bit.

The shows were mostly the same though, you don’t tend to take a show from England to NYC unless you’ve got your material pretty well worked out. The Montreal one did have some references to the fact that an Off Menu episode was recorded live at that same festival earlier that afternoon, and most of his audience had been there (I hadn’t been – I’d considered it because I like Ed Gamble and James Acaster, but the ticket price wasn’t worth it for a podcast I don’t listen to). He made a bunch of jokes about Ed and James, and then after some particularly harsh making fun of them, he added, “Obviously I’m just kidding, I love those guys, they’re my friends. I meant what I said about Gervais and Carr, though.”

Oh, there was something else that happened in Montreal but not in NYC. In Montreal, he was doing the part of the show where he explains that online abuse happens to everyone in the public eye, but it gets worse the more levels you are away from what’s thought of as the “default”. Then he started listing levels of “default”: white, straight, male, heterosexual, able-bodied, etc.

As he did so, I became very aware of my best friend, who was sitting next to me. I had dragged my best friend to Montreal with me, because I loved the show so much and I wanted him to see it too. He, however, is not into stand-up comedy. He’s not into any of this sort of thing at all. I’ve known him for 20 years, I met him because we were teammates in high school, and then after high school we took over as coaches, and we’ve now run a wrestling team together for many years. He is a 35-year-old (now 36) white straight guy who’s been an athlete all his life, and he looks it. He’s really cool for a jock, I swear. He’s a nice guy, he’s a feminist, he’s worked with me for many years to try to fight against the fucked up culture in sport. But he doesn’t, you know, look it. He looks like a jock. And he is a jock. He did not look like he belonged in a Nish Kumar gig. I didn’t realize how much he’d not fit in until we actually go there, and we sat in the front row of the 128-seat room, and everyone else looked like an artsy nerd, and I guess I looked like whatever in-between thing I am, and my best friend looked like a guy who should be in a sports bar and not in a Nish Kumar gig.

Anyway, when Nish Kumar started listing all the definitions of default, I felt slightly awkward, because my best friend is all those things. Now, I want to be clear, because Nis Kumar gets accused of this all the time and it’s fucking horrible when people say that shit: he was not deliberately making the rich straight white men in the room uncomfortable. He wasn’t saying “Fuck those people for being the default”. He was saying “It’s a fact that those people being the default mean, all else equal, they’ll get less online abuse than a visible minority for doing the same shit.” When I saw I felt a bit awkward, I mean that in a sort of affectionate way, when you’re sort of affectionately “called out” by a part of a comedy show, not that Nish Kumar was genuinely making his room an unsafe space for rich white men. Nish Kumar does not hate rich white men! Some of his best friends are Ed Gamble.

But I knew it was already a bit awkward for my friend, so when Nish started listing “straight, white, able-bodied, heterosexual…”, I put a hand on my friend’s shoulder, in a kind of reassuring way. Nish Kumar saw me do this, and stopped talking to laugh. Nish Kumar. Nish Kumar laughed, because of something I did, with the trademark wild infectious Nish Kumar laugh. Then he asked me, “Do you know that guy?” I said yes, and he said oh good, because it had looked like I might be just taking a guess about what he’s like based on his appearance. And that interaction with Nish Kumar is in the top ten coolest fucking things that’s ever happened to me.

So those are my personal stories from seeing that show. I know what it was like in May 2022, and I know it was like in July 2022, and I’m very curious as to what it was like in October 2022, which is when it was filmed. Both times I saw it, it ended with an extended routine about how fucked up it is that Britain worships some old lady (queen) and some special song (national anthem) and the big towel (flag). After that routine, he says, wouldn’t it be weird if she died while I was on stage? When people ask you where you were when the queen died, you’d have to say you were in a theatre, listening to a comedian be, if anything, too respectful about her.

…So even though I’ve seen the show twice, I’m guessing there will be at least a bit of stuff I haven’t heard before in the filmed version, because he’ll have to have rewritten that by October. There was also some stuff early in the show about Boris Johnson that was pretty current to when I saw it, I guess that’ll be different in October too. I’m looking forward to seeing that.

This post has been my preamble before I watch the long-awaited actual special. Just a place to record my thoughts going into it. I’m going to actually watch it now, and see how it compares to my memory of it. My memory of it is of one that did perfectly what I love in comedy – cover important personal stuff and cover important political stuff and tie the two together. Any show that does all three well, while also being funny, immediately becomes a favourite of mine (for another show that does that well, see Ahir Shah’s Ends, which just won the Edinburgh award and I’m very pleased about that). And God, it was fucking funny. Nish Kumar started the energy high, and I remember that both times I kept expecting him to at least start to run out of steam, and he never did. Never slowed down for a moment. Shouted at the crowd at a million words a minute, like he couldn’t wait to tell us everything he had to say, because it mattered and because it was worth saying and because it was funny enough to merit the time and space. I remember losing my breath laughing over and over and over, both times. I am prepared for the fact that some of that came from the atmosphere in the room and it won’t hit quite as hard through a screen. But still, it’s brilliant material, everyone needs to watch it. Like I said, message me for a link. I am here to spread the good news of Nish Kumar.

Also, happy birthday, Nish. It's a good day for comedy.

[xpeachesncream]

please could you make taehyung jealous for the next perfectly wrong drabbles? 👉👈

perfectly wrong | drabble [3]: if it’s one thing taehyung truly has a love-hate relationship with, it’s the fact that you have such a sweet, kind and warm demeanor towards everything and everyone.

word count: 1.8k

warnings: pretty fluffy, implied sexual content, cussing, tae is petty but also pouty

notes: feel free to send requests like this to my inbox and i will get to them! it may not be right away but i promise i’ll take a look. it can be for anyone in the perfectly wrong series. same thing goes for off the grid. however, please note that there are certain things i won’t write about - extreme mental/physical/verbal abuse (we’re all about fun, lighthearted pettiness here and nothing serious), threesomes, orgies, any extreme, intense smut because i’m still not used to writing smut like that. basically anything that you might be uncomfortable with or wouldn’t do in real life, i most likely will feel uncomfortable too and will not write about it! pls keep that in mind, thank you! love you all tons! 💗

Taehyung will not hesitate to let people know that he's your man and your man only. You thought he might have learned from the entire Jungkook situation, in which in a sense he has; he no longer acts weird about how close you and Jungkook are, but that doesn't mean he doesn't get jealous outside of that bubble.

He was the campus fuckboy, after all. He knows the capabilities of the boys here. He knows the intentions of the majority. He's familiar with the stupid little games boys play. If anything, he helped play a role in the stupidity of many boys on campus. He was a champion, the walking fuckboy 101 bible - they wanted to be Taehyung and they did everything to follow his ways.

So, when he's ordering coffee and sees a guy trying to lay his sweetness on you, getting all googly-eyed and licking his lips like you're his last meal on Earth, he doesn't like it one bit because he knows that look. He's been there before, especially with you. It doesn't help that you're super approachable, welcoming anything and anyone into your arms like you're some kind of saint.

The anonymous dude [Taehyung can't tell from afar] apparently cracks a joke, because you're entertaining it and playfully shoving him aside. You're beaming from ear to ear, tears almost streaming down from whatever joke he's telling you.

You hadn't laughed like that with him in awhile, nor has he seen you smile so big like that. Obviously, it's the jealousy talking. You loved Taehyung more than anything, and he was the only one who could make you feel the way that you do.

"The fuck?" He mumbles to himself.

"Here's your coffee, Tae." The barista says softly behind the counter, her gaze going between him and the scene. He can't keep his eyes off of this interaction, praying to the heavenly being above that the boy will get the hint and leave before Taehyung can get there. But he doesn't. He continues to crack jokes or whatever the hell he's doing to make you laugh the way that you're laughing. You rest your chin on your palm as you look at the dude in front of you, head tilted, looking all cute and shit and you don't even know it. Tae's eyes widen when he sees you place a hand on his shoulder and give it a gentle squeeze.

"T-thanks, could you actually just toss it in a to go cup, please? I think we're gonna head out instead." He dug his hands in his pockets as he keeps watch, the barista silently doing as asked. Taehyung quickly grabs the coffee and heads out to where you're seated, the dude still all up on his woman like he had been waiting for the right opportunity to pounce on her ass all day.

"Wow, are you serious? Christian that's hilarious, I'm sorry. Maybe you should have gone for that installment instead. Either way, I think it'll look amazing. It'll look so good when you finish it." He hears you reassuring ol' dude. You look up to see Taehyung slowly approaching, his forehead furrowed like some kind of angry, old man waiting for kids to get off of his porch. Curls all defined and fluffy, he didn't look intimidating to you one bit - but Christian squirms in his seat, finally catching the hint that Taehyung was not happy about him sitting that close to you with his arm brushing up against yours. Taehyung's eyes were piercing right through him, colored lenses intensifying the look.

"S-sorry, I was about to—"

"No, please stay. Let's all gather around and talk about each other's day." Taehyung sarcastically scrunches his nose and does a shimmy to show that he's actually not fucking playing right now and Christian better know what's good for him.

"I was just asking her for some advice on art class." He stands to nervously dust himself off. Now, if it's one thing you know too well, it's how petty Taehyung gets when he's jealous. You quietly sit there, a little hot and bothered with how Taehyung is acting, but you also want to laugh at how people really find Taehyung so intimidating. If you all only knew how much of a baby bear he was behind closed doors.

"Cute. You do know the fucking art room is two steps behind you, right? You know, where the professor usually is at." He steps forward, jaw slightly clenching.

"Look man, I really didn't mean any harm." Taehyung nods. "I was just about to leave."

"Don't forget to pick up your googly eyes from the floor." Taehyung shoots him a finger gun and clicks his teeth. "Wouldn't wanna misplace those for the next time you try and use them on my girlfriend again." Christian leaves without saying anything else, causing you to snort.

"What was that about?" You chuckle.

"Let's go." He sternly says, handing you the cup of coffee.

"I thought we were gonna sit and drink this here?"

"Or we can just sit and drink this at home." You hurriedly get up to follow him as he starts walking towards the car.

"Are you really that upset?"

"Are you really that upset?" He mocks your tone as he continues to walk to the car.

"Real mature, Kim Taehyung." He looks over his shoulder to glance at you with those eyes before looking back at the car. He silently opens the door for you, avoiding all contact. You silently giggle to yourself because even though he could get annoyingly petty like this, he still found ways to be a gentleman and cater to you. You watch as he plops into the driver's seat, sipping his coffee as he stares out at the campus. "Tae, what are we doing?"

"You wanted to sit and drink this here, right?"

"You're annoying." You roll your eyes and sit back. Was he really doing this right now? Taking your ass to the car to enjoy your coffee, away from people?

"Says the one who was all it'll look so good when you finish it. Ouuuu, either way it'll look amazing." He mocks your tone. "If anything, you're the annoying one, acting all cute when you know these dudes have it out for you. Since when do you shower people with compliments like that? I thought I was the only one."

"No, they don't, Christian is just a good friend from class and I was just trying to help give him some solid advice."

"Oh, so he's a good friend now?" He raises his eyebrow. "Jungkookie is a good friend. Hoseok is a good friend. Yoongi is a good friend." He counts on his hand, showing you the three fingers he has up. "Where's Christian at? I don't see him on that list. Christian is not a good friend." He puts his hand out as if he's waiting for your response. "Wooooow, it's quiet, no back talk, ey?" You put his hand down. Did I tell you he was also a comedian at best?

"Babe, stop." You pout, but he shakes his head. "Why are you acting so jealous right now?"

"Cause! The way you were all smiley and laughing with him. Praising him. Playfully pushing him and shit. You barely do that with me."

"You have got to be kidding. I've done that with you time and time again, I barely spend time with anyone else but you. You always make me laugh and you always make me smile, much more than anyone else."

"A-and you were like squeezing his shoulder so sweetly. You had this soft touch when it came to him even though he was looking at you like he was thinking some foul shit. You just— You just give it so easily."

"Baby." You chuckle. "Okay, that's just way too far."

"I know it all too well. I know a boy's brain like the back of my hand. So yeah, we're enjoying this coffee in here whether you like it or not." He furrows his eyebrows. You give him a moment to calm down before you reach over and caress his cheek. He welcomes your touch and you can instantly feel him relaxing as you continue to touch him gently.

"You're too cute."

"No." He pouts.

"Taehyung, you know I love you. And you know you're the only one who can make me feel all sorts of ways - one being happy and incredibly giddy from your lame jokes."

"They're not lame."

"They're lame." You joke as you scrunch your nose. "But that's what makes them unique to you. I wouldn't have it any other way. And on top of that, you know I can never stop smiling around you no matter the circumstance. Like now." You smile at him because honestly, he was being too fucking cute and you wanted nothing but to cuddle him at home. He had such a jealous side to him that little things ticked him off, but you knew he cared and just wanted you to himself. You couldn't help but feel the same, hence the girl at the mall being all flirty with him.

"Honestly, you're gonna be the death of me." He looks at you, his cheek falling deeper into your touch while you giggle. "Seriously, it's not funny. You had me experiencing heart palpitations when you touched him like that, it's not a joke."

"Relax." You chuckle. "You're dramatic."

"You wanna talk dramatic?" He looks at you. "She got all flirty with you when she walked off and you didn't even say anything!"

"Okay, I get it!"

"Mhm." He wiggles an eyebrow. He begins to start the car and pull off, the ride pretty silent. You knew he just needed a moment to get over himself, so as soon as you step into your apartment, you put your things aside and throw your arms around him.

"Babe." You plant kisses all over his face.

"Mmm, no—" He says in between kisses. "You— don't— get to do that—- and expect to— win me over— just like that."

"Uh huh. Yet, you're still kissing back." You say, pushing him towards your room. All you had planned was just to cradle your big baby and cuddle him until he felt better. You've learned that's how Taehyung gets over most things. Truly.

"Y/N, I'm not joking." He lays on his side after tossing his keys and phone on your night stand. He throws his hood over his head, while you throw yourself onto him, being the bigger spoon.

"Hey." You forcefully turn him around to make him face you. He does nothing look at you, allowing you to place a soft, passionate kiss on his plump lips. He gives into it, deepening it while tugging you closer to him. "You know I only have eyes for this handsome guy right here, right?" You boop the mole on his nose.

"Good, cause I want you all to myself. Stop being such a fucking saint. Be mean for once. I know you can do it, since you always catch an attitude with me." You laugh.

"Whatever, Taehyung. If that makes you feel better."

"Good." He smirks. "Come here. I'm trying to show you that you're mine and only mine." He wraps his arms around you and snuggles tightly against your body until you hear him softly snoring into your chest.

[seoracle]

DRIVERS LICENSE; i

Pairing: Bang Chan x Idol! Gender Neutral Reader

Genre: Fake Dating! AU, Angst, Lovers to Enemies(?), Occasional Pining, Comedy, S for potential smut(??)

Summary: Y/N has become an overnight sensation with ‘Drivers License’, Breaking records left and right...But what if the press gets wind of the ill-matched lovers and their company decide it’s the perfect attention ploy?

Word Count: 3.2K

Warnings: Swearing (a lot near the end), Drinking mention

A/N: this was meant to be a drabble... now it’s becoming a series...i’m sorry

“...and the winner of Inkigayo today is...Y/N with ‘Drivers License, Congratulations!”

You step towards the center of the stage and take the trophy and bouquet from a rookie idol, who flashes a bright smile at you, but you can see the envy in his eyes. You once had that same hunger and ambition that he seems to reek of, it’s a reminder of how far you’ve come.

Taking the mic, you begin to sing a more sultry and edgier vibe than usual, which seems to gather more screams from fans than usual. You remember what Seulgi taught you and gaze at the camera lens with a subtle pout, trying to capture the angst of the song in your gaze.

It feels ridiculous, feigning emotions you no longer feel, singing a song you begged the company not to put out in a corset fitted shirt that’ll leave your ribs sore and reddened. It’s pathetic and cliche, you quite literally sold your soul (well, heart) for fame. 

“Yeah, you said forever, now I drive alone past your street…”

Everyone behind you waves at the camera, signalling the show is ending. You leave last, taking several confetti bits for your scrapbook, which is the only thing keeping you from remembering this is all real. 

Backstage, Iris and San are waiting in your dressing room, they greet you with proud grins and slaps on the back. 

“Well, if it isn’t miss twelve...no, thirteen wins in two weeks.” San praises, enveloping you in a hug.

“Could be thirteen by tomorrow~” Hums Iris in a sing-song tone.

A groan leaves your lips, while slumping into an uncomfortable chair. You tune out their excited plans for your makeup and hair tomorrow, San says something about an end of year Award show.

All you want is to go home to your empty dormitory and sleep.

When you finally arrive to the ‘comfort’ of your ‘studio apartment’ (box room), it isn’t long before you strip down to your pyjamas and aggressively rub off the layers of makeup that seem to cling to every pore and fine line of your face. The cold air from the fan soothes the aching of your body from your strict workout routine. You stay awake until 4am, reading comments from netizens and replying to fans on your fancafe, it  was hard not to become obsessed with checking what people thought; whether they loved or loathed you.

[+184 -93] Y/N is talented, but they look devoid of emotion since last week...maybe singing a song so personal isn’t a good idea….what if the person it’s about hears it…..

User FYL**8 was right, it had become draining trying to convey emotions you’d long let go of. Your debut song was fresh and fun, it didn’t garner much attention but at least you hadn’t had to fake emotions and relive your first heartbreak.

Although the memories of the breakup didn’t hurt as much, the happiest ones were the most painful. The feeling of ignorance, thinking he meant forever and believing him completely...it was all so distant yet felt a fingertip away.

That night you slept with a heavy heart, remembering what it felt like when he’d hold you close and right and kiss you on the head to soothe your worries. Why did it have to end? Why like that? You try to drift into a nice sleep after another exhausting day but to no avail, thoughts of him are flooding every thought. Has he heard it? There was no way he hadn’t, he loved to check out every ranking song for inspiration or for another artist to add to his monthly playlist. 

Would he get angry? Sad? Laugh at your pathetic feelings? He was right in the end, when it came down to it you only shared your feelings when it was too late.

Stupid Christopher fucking Bang.

It wasn’t often you’d refer to him as Chan, you had met him when he only saw it as another name for himself that he hardly used. Back when his hair had been fluffed up curls that he couldn’t contain and his light freckles weren’t covered by BB Cream. When he didn’t belong to the world and only loved you.

After months of forcing yourself not to, you hastily search “Stray kids Bang Chan + Y/N”, Then “Stray Kids Y/N” and finally “Skz Y/N”. The results are minimal and far inbetween, mostly tweets from fans wishing for a collab and oddly enough one person making edited photos of you and them, which are so convincing you have to remind yourself you hadn’t met them.

Thoughts drift to his friends, the ones who didn’t know Chris was even seeing someone and had been for over a year. They tried to sugarcoat it, say they forgot, it’s hard to keep track when you’re training and all that. 

The sinking feeling you felt when Minho asked how long you’d been together, guessing a month at most. When you did reply, ears burning with embarrassment he coughed and muttered “Oh.’, That had stung.

Everything had seemed so perfect, until you opened your eyes and saw it for what it was.

You don’t end up sleeping much, two hours at most, Then it’s time to get ready and head to the Broadcast Studio for today’s event. All you know is it’s a show about giving advice, the reviews aren’t great but you aren’t allowed to turn anything down because fame is a double-edged sword that you can barely grasp as is.

Iris and San are already waiting for you when you get there, within minutes makeup is being patted into your skin and your outfit is laid out on the chair next to you.

“Sleep more, Y/N-ah, I had to use a double coverage concealer to hide your dark circles.” Iris said in a fretful tone.

“I try, it’s hard being famous.” You reply jokingly, flipping your hair the best you can. Iris smacks your hand away and frantically finds her hairspray.

Within twenty minutes you’re dressed and not one hair is out of place, San pulls you aside with an uncharacteristically stern face. 

“The company have specific goals for sending you here, they want you to delve into a story of heartbreak to comfort today’s victim, while keeping anonymity and remaining as vague as you can.” 

Of course, even a show about helping others is fictional.

You nod solemnly and prepare to go on air, sitting on a cushion next to a popular comedian who doesn’t bother to even look at you. A well-known Streamer is on your other side and you begin polite small talk, which seems to irritate the host.

“We’re on in 3,2….1!” A sharp click follows the director’s queue and the host bursts right into the introduction.

After you’re introduced it’s easy to tune out, you couldn’t give a shit about that stuck-up comedian and the actress to their right. Instead you think of how the fuck you’re supposed to conjure up an emotional performance with little to no time to prepare.

‘My ex-boyfriend hid me for almost two years’ no, not even worthy of a cheap gossip magazine. ‘I thought my boyfriend loved me, turns out he loved his career more’ Maybe...but you sound too needy. 

“Today’s guest is Lee Chaeun of Suwon! Tell us your story, please.” 

You turn to look at the guest who walks onto the set and sits at the head of the pillow mats. She’s clearly a young girl, her baby face is covered by face-framing layers of shiny black hair and her eyes are already glassy.

“Last year, I began dating my crush after years of admiring him from afar...Everything seemed so perfect until last week….He dumped me by text message saying he needed space and now he’s with someone new..” Chaeun bursts into tears and the host fakes a sympathetic face and passes her a box of tissues.

“Ah, you’re young...you don’t know anything yet. This is a normal phase for teenagers, men realise themselves and break girls down so they become beautiful women. It’s just a case of a little girl not wanting to grow up!” Chimes in the Comedian, who talks about his falsities as if they’re facts.

The audience erupts into laughter and the heartbroken teenager lowers her head in embarrassment. Which only makes you more enraged, Who told that guy he was funny?

“Chaeun has every right to be upset!” You exclaim, cutting through the laugher like a hot knife. “When a relationship ends when everything seems alright for one person, it's cruel. Being blindsided isn’t a joke. It hurts and she deserves closure, and to move on someday to a better person..What happened to her shouldn’t happen to anyone!”  You barely register a gentle hand on top of yours, far too surprised by the fact there are tears dripping down your face. Crying wasn’t an option, so you pull yourself together and apologise to Chaeun and the host you cannot stand.

“Y/N, You seemed personally moved by Chaeun’s story, have you experienced a painful breakup?” The host asks curiously.

“You could say that,” You begin with a wry smile. “I was with someone who lived a double life, they were completely different when they were with other people...Things ended when I was still planning for future dates...it made me realise how fake they were.”

The guests all nod and you squeeze Chaeun’s hand, she smiles at you seeming relieved that she isn’t the only one who has felt this kind of pain. 

Everything goes smoothly after that, other guests chime in and the actress that seemed snobby is openly discussing her ex vomiting all over her Valentinos. You can’t help but wonder if the company really suggested this, or if it was divine intervention (Choi San, your manager). 

You don’t feel so alone anymore, everyone is guaranteed several things, two being love and heartbreak of some kind. 

“Thanks to singer Y/N and actress Sojung, Chaeun was able to feel a little better...Thank you for joining us on ‘Help No Counsellor!’, Join us next week when…’

“Choi San, you sneaky bastard.”

He tries to act surprised but a shit-eating grin soon overtakes his acting, Iris shakes her head and zips her makeup bag closed. It isn’t long until you’re all at The Min’s enjoying red bean bread and warm tea.  “What does inept even mean? I’m assuming it’s a good thing because Wooyoung kissed me after saying it.” San mentions, his lips curving upwards at the fond memory.

“I’d have to agree with Woo, it fits you perfectly.” You reply, circling around his question while Iris tries not to choke on her food.

Fits of laughter die down when you spot a familiar face, Lee Mijoo. 

Her blonde hair flows down her back in loose curls and her soft eyes seem to enchant everyone, admittedly even you for a short time.Behind her is a slightly taller figure dressed in all black and your stomach drops.They don’t seem to notice your presence, so you decide to use this valuable time to hide behind a menu. 

San and Iris try to play along best they can, but it is quite distressing that all of this has happened so suddenly, with no prior warning. But he did bring you here, a lot. So it’s amusing to see his date ideas haven't changed. 

As he’s walking past you he pauses, and you want to shrivel into a hole and die, He’s clearly recognised you but can’t be 100% sure due to The Min’s menu covering your entire face. 

“Y/N?” 

Shit. You cannot hide from this.

Slowly taking the menu away and placing it down on the table you smile at him, maybe a little too forced but it’s the best you can do. His hair is blonde now, his curls are long gone but his smile is as genuine as ever. 

Stupid Christopher Bang and his stupid ‘I-totally-didn’t-break-your-heart’ attitude.

“Chan, nice to see you. Still obsessed with their double shots?” You humoured, he seemed grateful for that.

“Oh, absolutely...and I see you’re still not saving any bean bread for anyone else.” 

You laugh, it’s a bittersweet one at best but nevertheless it’s a laugh.

'Well it’s great to see you again, I’d love to exchange numbers if that’s alright?” 

Without thinking you nod and oblige him, much to your friend’s disappointment which is evident by their glares. Mijoo exchanges smiles with everyone, who could hate her? She was funny, kind hearted and beautiful in every aspect. 

When they finally leave to their outside seats you breathe a sigh of relief and sink into the chair.Iris strokes your hair and San grabs more snacks to go, the walk home isn’t peaceful. It’s awkward and silent, which only makes your head spin more. When you drop off Iris you know a lecture is coming, San hates doing it but you know he tells you what you need to hear, even if it hurts.

“Look, I’m happy you were able to brush off all the hurt today but earlier on you were crying about….this. Don’t give him the power to hurt you twice.”

“You’re right, thanks Sannie.” You reply, taking his arm and smiling at the warmth of his (Wooyoung’s) fuzzy coat. 

Once San leaves and you get inside, it’s a matter of minutes before you hop in the shower and get rid of all the hairspray and mascara that’s been making you itch all day. The warm water soothes away your nerves and the impending frostbite from being outside in the cold for far too long. 

Once you feel clean and somewhat scalded you step out onto warm fluffy towels (cheap warm fluffy towels with holes in them) and get situated for bed.

Just as you exit the bathroom your phone rings and you answer immediately, it’s probably Iris wanting you to play a new Among Us mod with her. 

“Iris?”

“Uh, no, Chris.” 

“Oh.” is your initial reply, why would he call you at midnight?

“Where you asleep? I’m sorry I’ll call back another ti-”

“No!” You interject, much too eagerly. “No...it’s fine. I’m not even in bed yet.”

“Oh” He sounds relieved, much the opposite of you.

“I just wanted to congratulate you...The song, it’s great. What’s it like actually singing one you wrote?”

“Great,” You admit with a smile he can't see, “It feels...genuine. I Couldn't stand the thought of giving the song away.”

“I can see why.” He replies in an unreadable tone.

“Did it make you uncomfortable? Me singing...about-”

“No, why would it?” He cuts in, he sounds slightly agitated.

“Look, Chan, I’m sorry. I should’ve texted you, well I did but you changed your number. But it’s my story too, okay? I needed to heal somehow.”

Minutes pass with no answer, as if he’s trying to think of exactly what to say without getting more irritated or to spare your feelings.

“When did I become Chan?” His voice comes out wavering,and it hurts you.

“That’s what everyone calls you now, you’re not just Chris the trainee anymore.” You reply in a gentle way, trying to ease the building tension.

“But to you, when did I stop being Chris?”

“Probably when you broke my heart,” You deadpan, before adding a ‘kidding’ and bullshit reason.

“You weren’t kidding, but you broke mine too. Don’t make me the bad guy.”

This had taken you aback, you had been in a perfectly happy relationship for almost two years and then he changed his mind, said he wasn’t happy and it wasn’t your fault. When the fuck did you break his heart?

“When exactly did that happen?” You query, “Before or after Mijoo?”

Chan lets out a dry laugh, “Don’t talk about what you don’t understand.”

“Well what does it matter? You never told me shit anyways.” You snapped.

“That’s because you wouldn’t fucking listen. Maybe to you it was all sunshine and roses but I was struggling, I changed and outgrew us. I didn’t want to but you were stuck in dreamland where we’d debut at the same time and live happily ever after. I realised it wasn’t going to happen and set you free so you wouldn’t be embarrassed.”

“Embarrassed?” You bark,”Fucking embarrassed of what exaclty? I left that shithole you call your company by choice and worked my way up. I’m not embarrassed, but you should be. You’re a fucking sellout Christopher Bang.”

Before he can reply you end the call and throw your phone at the wall, it would’ve broken only for the forty dollar case the store assistant convinced you to buy. You burst into tears just like you had that night when it all came crashing down. He must’ve loved seeing you in pain, because he keeps doing it even now.

That night, you wish for everything to go back to a time before him and the heartbreak that followed.

It’s early on a Friday when you’re called into a board meeting with the CEO, Director and San, who looks like someone stepped on his clay masterpiece. You still haven’t been told anything and as the minutes pass by you wonder if they found out about you getting drunk at Club Suran several weeks back. What if someone saw San there too? What if–

Suddenly the doors open and in walks JYP’s CEO, followed by several others and finally Chris. He looks as confused as you, but you quickly look away before he spots you. Last night was still fresh in your mind and you didn’t need anymore reminders or conversations with him.

“Dispatch has sent us several photos of you two together, spanning several years.” Your CEO announces, an Executive pulling the photos up on the screen behind her. “Including one from yesterday.”

“That was a coincidence, we broke up a long time ago.” You admit, she seems satisfied with your answer and nods, which makes you remember that damned dating ban you have.

“Usually, we’d shoot down these rumours immediately...but this could be quite beneficial to both Stray Kids and Y/N.” JYP’s CEO adds, “Stock prices have shown a rise for both of your albums, and real time searches are at an all time high.” 

“I have a girlfriend.” Chan states, arms folded. “So that’s out of the question if you’re implying we fake a relationship.”

“Look Bang Chan,” Begins one of the Advisors, “It’s all for show, we’ll plan every detail and your girlfriend will keep her mouth shut if she knows what's good for her. Frankly, our sales aren't what they used to be and you need this, if you want complete musical and artistic control.”

Chan takes a while to think, you know this is all he’s wanted. Control over everything he and the boys put out there, with no censorship or edits by anyone else. Your CEO assures you you’ll also benefit from the agreement, including your debt fully cleared and money in your bank account as soon as you sign on the dotted line.

“How long does this last?” You ask, pen in hand.

“Twelve months, then you’re free again.” 

Chan looks to you for conformation and you ignore him, signing it and standing up to leave. You only stop to sign more formalities and then you and San head back to your local coffee shop. 

“Well, you sure have a funny way of moving on.”