#bat fam

[nefarious-616-necromancer]

[kenmakaminari]

Bruce (calling Tim): dammit this is the 3rd time I’ve gotten voicemail, where is he???

Dick: are you sure you have the right number?

Bruce: YES I’m sure! I have all of your guys’ phones and numbers listed right here *gestures to the 3 screens of bat computers with tiny writing on a gigantic spreadsheet *

Dick: can you even read that?

Bruce: *ignores him* *dials again*

Tim walks in, caprisun in hand: sup?

Bruce: *frustrated* where have you been?? I’ve called you FOUR times?

Tim: which number?

Bruce: ***-***-****

Tim: ah, yeah. That’s my Tuesday night number. It’s afternoon right now.

Bruce: *frustrated scream*

Dick (knew the whole time): *cackles*

The bats have so many burner phones and travel SIMs that they're always getting each other's numbers wrong

Barbara: I called you but you didn't pick up.

Tim: That's my office phone.

—

Cass: Did you bring my ballet flats?

Bruce: No. Was I supposed to?

Cass: I texted you.

Bruce: That must be the phone Croc threw into the harbor.

—

*phone rings*

Alfred: No cell phones at the dinner table.

Dick: Sorry.

Dick: *turns it off*

*second phone rings*

*third phone rings*

Dick: I'm just gonna take these upstairs.

—

Damian: I demand to know why you changed your number without notifying me.

Jason: What do you mean? No I didn't.

Damian: Yes you did. None of my messages are delivering.

Damian: *shows him his phone*

Jason: That's my Yugoslavian number.

Damian: That country doesn't even exist.

Jason: It did in my day.

—

Duke: How do I get a burner phone?

Steph: You feel it with your heart.

[missingnightwingsmullet]

brothers: can’t live with ‘em, can’t live without ‘em

[angel-bitch-boy]

Dick pushing thirty is forever funny to me. I imagine he pouts in the corner anytime Damien or Jason jokingly call him "old man"

Once during a particularly stressful mission he came back and took a shower only to notice a single grey hair amongst the black. He was basically that scene in howls moving castle where he threw himself on the nearest surface and wallowed until Kori had to reassure him he was still young.

He works on a mission with Bruce and is beaming when an officer comes up to him and he's expecting a "thanks kid" like the old days or maybe a "hey bro" in solidarity but the officer just shakes his hand and says "thank you sir"

Dick cries for a week.

[adhara2034]

Headcanon that the batfam has a Samsung smart refrigerator or whatever it's called, and it is used entirely for doing work while in the kitchen. There has been justice league meetings held on that motherfucker and nuclear threats disengaged.

[lithiumseven]

Jason: It’s your spleen! You lost an ORGAN Tim, you should have told us!

Tim: So? You don’t have your tonsils, that’s an organ!

Dick: That’s not the same and you kn-

Jason: Jokes on you, my tonsils grew back in the Lazarus Pit so your argument doesn’t even make sense!

Dick, now fully turned toward Jason: Your tonsils did WHAT

[wetsandmemories]

dick: you were gone for months, everyone though you were insane or else, dead even, you cut off all of the contacts with your family, friends and colleagues. and now turns out you what. almost joined an ancient murderous cult? lost an organ? have committed a few terroristic attacks? and fraud?

tim: it was my hot girl summer

dick: you've been banned from seven different countries

tim: not me being a girlypop

dick:

tim: also, is it a terroristic attack if you attack terrorists?

[inverted-typo]

Ooh fancy pants rich McGee over here ✨

[odd-underscore-soul]

I’m going insane

[juh-pyter]

Dick: Baby bird, when was the last time you got any sleep?

Tim (wild-eyed, gesturing frantically at an evidence board covered in photos, red string, and chaotic notes that barely make any sense): I don't know. 2 or 3 days. Not important. I don't need sleep, I need answers. I need to determine where in this swamp of conflicting clues squatteth the toad of truth.

Steph: Toad of truth? Is that a detective thing?

Jason: No, that's a crazy thing.

[nefarious-616-necromancer]

[blog-moved-lol]

Reasons Why Bruce Wayne Refuses to Take a Break:

1. Why should he?

2. Because fuck you, that's why.

3. He's scared that if he ever actually stops to take a break, completely relax, and fully drop his guard, something horrible will happen to Gotham and/or the people he cares about and he won't be able to stop it because he wasn't prepared OR the years and years of burn out and physical/emotional pain will finally catch up to him (because he stopped running from it) and it'll hit him so hard that he'll finally have to face the trauma he endured as a child when he saw his parents die (which he is not physically capable of coping with, because the event fractured his identity into Batman, a man with childish morals and an inability to make exceptions [such as not killing a petty crook OR a mass murderer and thinking they should be dealt with the same way] and a childish sense of justice that cannot exist without him blocking out his trauma [so if he had to face that trauma his very identity would cease to exist]) therefore his mental health would be destroyed to such an extent that he'd be unable to even pretend he was alright, which in turn will make the people he cares about worry about him, and because he hates when people worry about him it'll cause him to lash out which will further isolate him from the world and from any form of human connection, leaving him sitting broken at an empty table in an empty mansion on an empty island just like he did when he was a mere, insignificant, hurt, orphaned eight year old who hadn't yet made his mark on the world-

4. He doesn't wanna >:[

[missingnightwingsmullet]

happy halloween…i guess

[batfamhastwitter]

Part 30! I'm with Duke ngl

Prev ~ Beginning ~ Next

[psychicbluebirdmiracle]

IM DYING everyone's are just really good realistic portraits and then there just (Tim?) whyd he do (tim?) like that🤣😭

[lithiumseven]

Batfam as incorrect quotes Part 3

(Part 1) (Part 2) (Part 4) (Part 5) (Part 6) (Part 7) (Part 8)