#he stabbed the ketchup

[evn-draws]

//tw blood

Day 10 of drawing Ranboo for the rest of the year

[mischiefmaker615]

Go Away

Summary: Enemies to Lovers 

Rating: R 

Requested By: Daddy_Dracos_Slut (wattpad)

Note: Sorry for the long wait, real life stuff can be a pain sometimes but i hope the length of this one makes up for it *sweats*

i curse under my breath as the elevator seems extra rough going up the floors today. my hand clutches the rail while i keep my eyes closed, focusing my energy on my breathing rather than my stab wound that left a pretty nasty gash on my side. What happened?

SHIELD loves to throw me into fights they know they don’t have enough man power for. Why? “Your training should be enough to help you handle it just fine” okay dip shit- not against HYDRA! The mission was successful but of course they had to throw in a rookie for me to bring along as well. Result? Saving their ass cost me the next couple of days to heal.

“you should go to the medical bay-‘’

‘’it’s fine, I’ll just have Loki heal it.’’ the biggest lie I’ve ever told.

There was no way in hell i wanted to get near the psycho that attacked New York, but i hid my resentment well for SHIELD to buy my answer and not force me into a pointlessly long medical appointment.

Ironically as soon as i arrived back at the tower, the ‘not so bad’ wound in my side decided to give me a lot more pain than what i was originally feeling earlier. i probably just needed to clean it and it would be good as new.

Finally the elevator granted me the mercy of reaching my floor and i got out, my body crouched and hunched as i took a deep breath and looked around. No one around.. good. i didn’t like to show weakness, even though in this business you all get hurt, its nothing new, but my stubborn ass still tried to tough it out. Which is why as soon as i heard someone coming, i sucked in a breath and straightened up to my height, making sure my jacket was hiding my blood-stained shirt while Loki turned the corner, and we both shared the same expression. Of course, he probably didn’t enjoy my company just as much as i did for him, but he still took the opportunity to tease me whenever he could to get a reaction.

‘’why are you walking like that?’’ he asked, just a question, no concern in his voice.

‘’why do you look like that.’’ i say as i took a scrolling pace down the halls while he pressed the button to the elevator. i didn’t even look back at him but i felt his eyes on me.

‘’you’re hurt.’’

‘’and you care?’’

Loki’s eyes narrowed as i cast a glance over my shoulder at him in annoyance. ‘’I wish to make sure you are in proper health so you can get out of my way in a sufficient pace.’’

‘’oh, you do care.’’ i say in a sweet voice, placing a dramatic hand on my heart for effect which only revealed my bloody shirt where his eyes flicked down. i could have sworn his gaze changed to something else.. but for a split second until he looked like an asshole again.

‘’you’re bleeding.’’

Now, a sarcastic comment would have just proven he was right. Not that he would tell anyone, he probably didn’t care. this was all just probably going to be used to call me a weak mortal or whatever who doesn’t know how to properly fight. So the only unfortunate answer that spilled out of my mouth was ‘’spilled ketchup.’’ Smooth.

His eyes slowly traveled down to the ‘ketchup stain’ again before they flicked back up to mine. ‘’hmm.’’ He hummed, turning back to the open doors now for the elevator before his gaze could get a chance to make me nervous- wait what?

I make sure I walk as casually as possible, regardless of how painful it may be until I heard the elevator doors close before I hunch over again and draw in a sharp breath and resist the urge to clutch my side. Judgy bastard.. looking at me as if I’m scum in his way.. but what was that split second look? Never mind- just need to get the first aid kit and see exactly what I’m dealing with.

After it seems forever until I get into my room, I shut the door behind me and throw my jacket to the side, glad to have it off before I fold the end of my shirt up so it was over my chest, almost like a make-shift crop top. Damn.. it’s pretty deep, going to need minor stitches.. clean it up..

I slowly make my way now to the bathroom, my balance thrown off with the lack of blood and I could already tell before my eyes hit the mirror how pale I am. Nausea comes in mild waves as well but anger and frustration takes over when I open up the cabinet to find my first aid kit was missing. What the hell! I used it a couple days ago and I’m to OCD to not put things back..

I run a hand through my hair as I think about what I need to do. We have vodka at Tony’s bar downstairs, it’s the best thing we have currently to clean a wound. Another first aid kit in the kitchen, not to far from the bar cabinet. Not to bad- if people weren’t awake. I check my phone, it’s 8pm. Its usually quiet and people head to bed in 30 minutes do to the fact that we need proper rest in this field.

Grabbing a small towel, I run it over warm water and nearly cry out as I begin cleaning what I could, pain shooting through my body as I push through until I feel like I would faint. Setting the towel aside, I carefully.. carefully manage to change my shirt but put on an actual crop top so nothing had its change at touching my new body scar soon-to-be. Only 10 minutes pass.. 20 might be to long as I stay on the bed trying to control my breathing. I’m stupid, I know..

Once I check the time and hear more doors close in the hall, indicating people are hitting the hay, I go over to the door. No point in hiding the wound if everyone is in bed and the less clothes I ruin the better. However I nearly woke the whole house if I didn’t shove a hand over my mouth to find Loki waiting outside my door, leaning on the wall with a now smirk by my reaction.

‘’the hell are you doing here like a creeper?’’ I hiss at him but realize hiding the wound was to late as his eyes dropped and so did his expression as he straightened.

‘’norns Y/N- how did you manage that?’’ somehow there was no emotional indication in his voice, let alone his expression so I shrugged to see if he was actually concerned or about to laugh.

Figured there was no use hiding as I walk around him with a hand on the wall to support myself. ‘’comes with the job sometimes.’’

‘’and I’m sure they taught you how to properly take care of it- which is why it’s strange that you find yourself here’’ he says and walked along side me, making me raise a brow in wonder at why he was following.

‘’I can take care of myself, thanks.’’ Sarcasm was potent as I side eyed him, indicating I wished to be left alone before my body jolted at a wave of pain, making me practically double over with my nails digging into the wall.

‘’you need a doctor-‘’ Loki started, his hands quickly returning to their sides as I took a sharp breath and looked at him.

‘’I said I’ll be-‘’

‘’Y/N!’’ Barton greeted as he turned the corner, his smile fading as he glanced at Loki before he smiled again at me. ‘’you should have been here hours ago- I thought he would have healed you by now-‘’

‘’I don’t know what you are talking about-‘’ I panic, giving him a sharp look to shut up while Loki raised a brow.

‘’earlier when you said you’d just ask Loki to-‘’

‘’I’m handling it Clint, I’ll see you tomorrow though good as new’’ I fake smile, looking like I’m about to punch him as I feel Loki’s eyes on me in amusement.

‘’don’t you worry Agent Barton, she’s in good hands.’’ He said gently, lacing his fingers behind his back as Barton gives him a hard look.

‘’I’ll see you tomorrow then Y/N’’ he says, never really registering Loki whenever they did have to speak and brushed past him on his way to his own room. Most of the time that type of rude contact would have earned an almost-fight between Loki and Clint, but I suppose Loki found himself to busy smirking at me to really be concerned about it.

‘’so what is it exactly you wished to ask me Y/N?’’ Loki said sweetly, milking the opportunity to tease me as I roll my eyes and make my way down the halls towards the elevator before I could be any more embarrassed.

‘’go away.’’

Loki’s eyes narrowed as he watched me walk away from him but I busied myself with waiting for the damn doors to open. I heard nothing behind me, and I made the mistake to believe he had actually listened so to my annoyance, he slipped into the elevator with me before the doors could close.

‘’you were going to ask me to heal you?’’ he asked, no emotion indicated in his voice as I made myself busy by pressing the correct floor.

‘’I merely said that to have everyone off my back, apparently it seems to be doing quite the opposite.’’ I mutter and lean myself against the wall, drawing my eyes closed as I focused on my breathing.

Even with my eyes closed, I could tell Loki was staring at me. He’s annoying, but I’m sure he wouldn’t be half bad of a person if it wasn’t for the fact that he attacked new York. That’s probably where our enemy relationship stems from.. could I be nicer? Sure, he just.. draws something out of me.. he’s not a bad looking guy either, my emotions run different when I’m around him compared to the others. Tony teased me once and called it denial of something perhaps more I was feeling towards him, but there was no way I would have fallen for someone that attacked-

‘’if you would just let me heal you then perhaps your mind will stop being so loud.’’

My eyes snap open as Loki rubbed his temple as if he had a headache. If it wasn’t for the damn gash in my side, I probably would have killed him right then and there as I gawked at him.

‘’the fuck were you-‘’

‘’Y/N,’’ he starts, sincerity in his eyes and voice that somehow made me still. ‘’yes I’ve done those things in the past, I should hope that the time I have been spending here has given me a good chance to have changed and perhaps provided a door for a fresh start..’’ he starts, his eyes darting to the floor and slowly back at me as my muscles tensed by another wave and I hold my side, staying silent still. ‘’I do not blame you for your negative emotions towards me, and I am not asking for a second chance,.. all I’m asking is to just heal you.’’

My eyes slowly travel up to his after they had descended to the floor. God of lies, it was taught to tell if he was being honest or not. Though honestly, what did you have to lose? Nausea was already hitting your gut and light headedness was already reminding me how much blood I was losing. Yet the fact of the matter is,..

‘’..why do you care?’’

Loki almost genuinely smiled and I noticed his muscles were straining. Raising a brow, I noticed the elevator had not once moved since the doors had been closed. My eyes were next to narrow at him.

‘’what are you-‘’

‘’ask me Y/N.’’

I blink at him, knowing exactly what he wants me to ask but even now he’s being a stubborn ass??

He gave me a look at the name and I immediately just decided to focus on the pain instead to block him out. He was just as stubborn as I was, there was no point in asking him about the elevator, let alone avoiding the question. Taking a deep breath, I clutched my side and looked at him with all the dignity I was clinging on too.

‘’fine.. w-would you-‘’

My words cut short when my vision blacked out and all I remember is falling to the ground.

~

A cold hand pressed to my forehead, the temperature feeling cool where I practically lean into the touch before opening my eyes.

And then I want to die.

My cheeks heat up as Loki sat by my side as I lay in the bed located in our medical bay- aka Tony’s sometimes hangover room.

‘’how are you feeling?’’ he asked, looking a bit drained himself as I took in the scene.

I felt no pain.. something in my chest stirred, something that was hard to identify as I glanced down at myself. The gash in my side was completely gone- not so much as a scar behind! I look up at Loki wide eyed and he merely gave me a gentle look as I tried to speak but shut my mouth quick as redness heated in my cheeks.

How could I thank him? .. I never shared a kind word to him before, we had a sharp relationship.. and yet he still went out of his way to do this..

‘’Loki I- .. I.. I don’t know what to say..’’ I say pathetically as he chuckled.

‘’glad you are looking like your regular self again love.’’

Love.. that nickname.. why did it make me feel.. something? I glance at the clock, seeing how a couple hours have passed since I most likely had passed out. Leaving plenty of time to make sure it wasn’t a trick, a spell, or some type of cruel joke.. he really did help me..

‘’norns Y/N, I’m not that cruel to just leave you to bleed or taking your injured state into advantage for mischief’’ he sighed and leaned himself against the side rails of my bed, his body still sat close enough where I found feel him pressed against my side and I give him a tired, irritated look.

‘’before I thank you, I would request you stop reading my mind from now, call it an exchange for some future moments where I will take it easy on you.’’ I lightly joke, leaning back in the sat up bed as I hear him laugh.

‘’an exchange then? Alright, I will leave your thoughts be for some decent time from your kind heart,’’ he said with a tease. ‘’but is it hardly a fair exchange when our moments have been clearly even?’’

I sigh, knowing regardless of it all, he’ll always he so stubborn. ‘’and what is it that you want?’’

‘’a proper thank you.’’ he said calmly with a smile, it widening as I raise my brows.

I was half expecting a sarcastic, clever comment, but all he wanted was a true thank you? easy. ..or was it.. he clearly saved me from bleeding out to death, I’m pretty sure a ‘thanks’ wouldn’t be good enough as my fingers played with the fabric of my blanket mindlessly. ‘’..in what way?’’

‘’that is for you to figure out love.’’ He said gently, the mischief fading from his eyes as he seemed to stare at me like an honest man.

What? Buy him lunch as a thank you? a hug? A good word to Fury to help his probation at the tower? From his eyes, it seemed like he was just expecting words of affirmation, a from the heart type of thank you. yet why didn’t that feel like enough? My mind raced, everything seeming to be shouting things all at once as I tried to calm my emotions. What was this feeling? My mind paused as I felt him move and my eyes looked up to see him beginning to stand.

‘’it’s alright darling, you are tired and its been quite a long da-‘’

He stared at me with the same shocked expression as I had on my face as my hand grasped his before I even realized what he happening. He was still, his hand making no move to grasp back but remained still as I held on. My heart was pounding, and before I knew it, my arm was pulling him back and down.

His expression was now unreadable, as was mine I hope.. but something felt right about it- and I prayed I wasn’t reading the room wrong because despite his unreadable expression and closed off personality.. there was always something off between us, off where there was almost a secret enjoyment to our fights and banter.

So I took a gamble and pulled my hand towards me and his boots could be heard slowly moving towards me, allowing his hand to be guided before he came closer to my side on the bed. Our gazes never left each other, almost daring each other to look away but neither of us did.. not even as I pulled his hand a bit down to where he now slowly bent his height down and I lean forward. All movements were careful, my hand slowly releasing his as he moved it beside my arm and moved his other hand to do the same on the other side- caging me in.

As he leaned down, our eyes fell slightly closed, expressions relaxed as we seemed to melt in the moment. my lips slightly parted, our soft breaths could be heard as he leaned down and my hands moved to his shoulders to take over and guided him down finally so I could kiss him.

My lips brushed against his gentle, finding them soft and welcoming. He let me set the pace, my arms bringing him closer so I was able to deepen the kiss in which he eagerly returned with restrained gentleness. He gently moaned against my lips, as did I as we seemed to fit perfectly like a glove. My mind went still- relaxed, as if nothing mattered anymore, all quarrel forgotten and memories faded.

With my eyes closed, I felt his knee gently rest beside my thigh, followed by the other one as I felt his presence hover above my now. There was a strange temperature to him, not frost bite necessarily but a lack of human warmth. Well.. he’s not human anyway. His kiss became more needy as he ran his slender fingers through my hair and I couldn’t help but tangle mine in his. His locks are silky, not at all oily like one would think at the mere look of them. I hear a low growl as I tighten my grip on them, the mere vibration sending a wave of arousal through my body as I feel the need to close my legs.

‘’L-Loki.. I need.. we need..’’ I pant, staring up at him as he gazes back down at me, his pupils dilated with arousal himself as I feel his bulge just barely pressed up against me. If I were to raise my hips right now, I’m sure it would be like touching a boulder.

‘’I know darling, I know’’ he whispered, his thumb stroking my cheek as he lowered himself ever so slightly so our bodies were almost close to touching. ‘’are you sure you want this?..’’

My mind was in complete submission, my sharp tongue completely dulled to how I see him now. I wanted him.. this had all been denial.. but now I’m sure. I want him. my eyes gently looked up into his and my head nodded.

‘’use your words darling..’’ he held back a smirk but I knew it was there. Even now his personality didn’t change much, he probably enjoyed seeing me submit as my cheeks reddened as I look up at him.

‘’I want you’’ I whisper, eagerness being held back as my body began shaking in anticipation. That earned a small brush of his body lowering to feel mine, my hips rising for more of him but he raised up again.

‘’not yet darling, I don’t think you’re ready for me.’’ He sighed, almost as if saying ‘oh well’ and I look up at him in shock.

‘’no I’m ready-‘’

‘’you need a good amount of prepping first love, if you don’t want to be torn apart’’ that last part he whispered against my ear, I could feel his breath brush against my skin where it sent chills over my body.

‘’what are you-‘’

My words cut off when his hand gently began kneading my breast over my clothes, the action catching me off guard where a gasp left my lips and he took that opportunity to insert his tongue.

He was a skilled lover, one would assume so just by the mere sight of him but the thought was always shook off when I didn’t want to accept my true feelings.. any type of relationship causes me to panic, the mere doubt or thought of me messing up always just made me want to push all of it away.. but I suppose hate is what grew this connect. A sick, sad way of bonding but it got us here, it only took me getting stabbed for me to stop denying myself.

He was reading my mind again, the feeling of like a poke in my brain as he pulled up my shirt to place his mouth over my breast to ease my thoughts away. I think to much, and this was a damn good distraction as he moaned against me, my back arching as gasps left my lips. His other hand gave my other breast attention, pinching and kneading before his hand and mouth switched to give equal attention.

‘’you don’t know how long I’ve been waiting for you Y/N..’’ he murmured against me, his lips navigating up my chest to suck just above my collarbone that was a promise to leave a mark.

‘’i.. I thought you hated me..’’ I struggled out as my hands gripped his shoulders, a tingling under my fingertips as I glanced down to see the remaining shimmer before noticing his armor was off, leaving him just in his leather and cloth.

‘’I went along with your denied feelings but I sensed the truth way before I decided to enter that naughty little mind of yours’’ he smirked, his eyes flicking up to my own as his finger tips played with the button of my jeans.

My cheeks heated up as my nails practically dug into his shoulders out of shyness, almost as if I was curling up if I didn’t feel his knee between my legs to prevent them from closing. ‘’how long have you been doing that?’’ I whisper, shuddering as he began rubbing his knee gently against my sex, even with the blanket still between us.

‘’whenever I felt like it. primarily when you walk away after using your sharp tongue and yet your thoughts betrayed you, thinking the complete opposite of me. I was able to glance into your true feelings just enough before you pushed them down.. but I think we both know the truth’’ he whispered, his lips caressing my neck now while his hand gently moved my hair away to give him more access while his other unzipped my zipper.

‘’it was only a matter of time but I couldn’t wait forever.. I was going to perhaps wait longer on telling you how I truly felt about you but after you got injured..’’ his movements paused at the memory, raising his head slowly to meet my widened eyes. ‘’I thought I wouldn’t have gotten the chance to tell you if I lost you..’’

Of gods.. norns I think I love him..

A small smile spread across his lips as I look away from him. ‘’stop that..’’

‘’as you wish darling, I’m sure things are clear now nevertheless’’ he chuckled, attacking my neck again while my head was turned, earning a squeak to leave my lips when I felt him begin to nip and his fingers slowly dipped passed my panties.

My lips part as my eyes flutter close, making no moves to stop him as his finger tips ghost over my sex ever so slightly to take my breath away. I feel his tongue against my neck and his teeth now and again before his lips begin to suck and mark. Just before I could even think to rise my hips to find more friction, his finger tips begin playing with my clit, causing me to shudder and the knot of pleasure to begin forming within me.

‘’so sensitive.. so responsive.. how long has it been since one has touched you properly..’’ he whispered, not asking a question and I probably wouldn’t have been able to answer it anyway.

He began rubbing circles, a slow pace that began picking up when I began rising my hips, practically trying to shamelessly hump his hand if his other didn’t grip my hip to hold me down. a silent gasp left my mouth as I raised my head back and my back began to arch. His thumb took over on my clit so his two fingers could tease my entrance, dipping ever so slightly in and pulling out when my hips strained to rise.

‘’patience darling, be a good girl and take what I give you’’ he practically growled against my ear before he began to nibble on my lobe.

Goosebumps rose on my arms and I began to squirm until he slowly inserted his two fingers, causing me to moan his name slowly and shamelessly. I didn’t even care where we were or who could walk in but I was sure somehow Loki would have used magic to somehow provide us with a bit of privacy. I could feel his rock-hard bulge against the inside of my thigh, rubbing himself against it to match his rhythm while his fingers thrust into me In a faster pace.

‘’gods Loki…’’ I moan, feeling my orgasm get closer and closer and my eyebrows furrowed with my eyes fluttering closed. I was so close..

‘’cum for me darling.. ‘’ he whispered, his pace quickening on my clit as he pushed his fingers into me to the knuckles, causing me to tip over the edge as I reached my orgasm.

‘’LOKI!!’’ I practically scream as I moan and hold onto him, my body fluttering and clenching down on his fingers in a vise grip that has him practically moaning while he presses his lips to mine once more.

His movements slowed down ever so slightly, helping me ride it out as I was a panting mess, my body shaking and my eyes drunk like before he slowly pulls his hand out of my pants, his mouth licking my essence with no shame and a smirk where my cheeks heat up again.

‘’shy not darling, you taste absolutely wonderful.’’ He purred and adjusts himself as he backs away down my body while a hand slowly removed the blanket.

I slowly sit up as I catch my breath, just seeing the mischief in his eyes as his hands grip my pant legs and I give him a smile.

‘’in fact, I think I should help myself to a proper taste..’’

[thebad-lydrawn-sanses]

Horror, do you and the other's have food preferences? If so, i would like to supply you with your favourite foods and for the others as well...

Horror: i like sweet pastries (like cinnamon buns), Killer and Dust like ketchup, Cross likes tacos, and Nightmare likes sweet/sugary artificial flavors (think pink lemonade), but Killer and Cross would probably prefer chocolate at the moment and Nightmare is trying to gaslight everyone into thinking he doesn't want to eat (since he doesn't NEED need to but it'd be healthier for him if he did)

[IMAGE ID: An image of Horror, moderately injured and taking off his jacket. Horror has other people's blood on his fingertips. Horror has bloodstains on his glove and the mid-back inside of his jacket. Horror has a large bleeding axe wound on the right side of his face, a profusely bleeding bullet hole on his forehead between his eyes, and a small but very bloody cut below his left eye where someone attempted to stab his eye. Additionally, there's soot on the right side of his head from where someone tried to burn him. Above him reads his dialogue, "i like sweet pastries (like cinnamon buns), Killer and Dust like ketchup, Cross likes tacos, and Nightmare likes sweet/sugary artificial flavors (think pink lemonade), but Killer and Cross would probably prefer chocolate at the moment and Nightmare is trying to gaslight everyone into thinking he doesn't want to eat (since he doesn't NEED need to but it'd be healthier for him if he did)". END ID]

[sinner-sunflower]

A HH Lucifer-centric AU 20/?

PART 1, PART 2, PART 3, PART 4, PART 5, PART 6, PART 7, PART 8, PART 9, PART 10, PART 11, PART 12, PART 13, PART 14, PART 15, PART 16, PART 17, PART 18, PART 19, PART 21, PART 22

Like ketchup. Slowly then all at once.

Radioapple!

--------------------------------------------------

Lucifer still feels like he's underwater, floating where the current takes him. He thinks he's dreaming because his eyes refuse to open all the way.

At least he isn't burning anymore.

It's mostly quiet, the only sound he can hear is the sloshing of the water.

It's calm. He doesn't know how long has it been since he's been calm in the quiet without company.

Once in a while though, he hears voices. The waves carry them in weird intervals and he tries very hard to think who is talking.

'You'll be okay, Luci.'

'I'll do everything to make you comfortable and back to full health.'

'AN HONOR TO SERVE YOU, SIRE. DO GET BETTER. I SHALL GIVE YOU THE BEST SERVANT THE GOETIA CAN PROVIDE.'

'Big bro, if you wake up now, I'll give you a lifetime supply of my juice!'

'Okay fine, I'll change Looloo Land's name fo real, yeah?'

'You need to meet Fizzie still, Luci.'

'Don't worry sir! I didn't touch a single duck in your room when I cleaned it. No more bugs though!'

'Zestial and I give our deepest gratitude in behalf of the overlords, Your Majesty.'

'Charlie is a fast learner.'

'Oh, Your Majesty, do wake up. I don't think I can take any more of Alastor's not-rambling. I love me some romance but whooowee, a woman has her limits, yknow!'

'I don't think I can eva' thank ya enough fo' setting me free, short king.'

'Pretty badass, your kingness.''

'I want to get to know you still sir.'

'Darling, do come back to me now. I miss you so. And do not listen to any of Rosie's lies.'

'Dad, please wake up. I need you.'

The last voice caused the calm waters to turn into a whirlpool and he feels himself being pulled down. A bright light appears in front of him, illuminating the deep, dark waters. And for a moment, just a moment, he thinks- no it couldn't be;

He reaches out a hand to touch but as soon as it did, he was propelled to the surface.

Lucifer wakes up slowly and then all at once. The King blinks in confusion and trying to get his eyesight to clear. A blurry figure of white is the first to greet him; no face but it's smiling?

'Father?'

Charlie: Dad!

Huh?

Lucifer: Charlie?

He winces at the state of his voice. Did he scream himself sore? He tries remembering what happened and-

The roots.

Roo.

A ritual.

Charlie.

Hell.

Sloth.

Goodie.

The deal.

A prophecy.

A sudden pain stabbed his head which caused him to groan.

Lucifer: Shit!

He forces himself to sit up just to relieve it a little. A rubbing hand on his back grounds him a bit. Looking up, he came face-to-face with his daughter. His sweet, lovely, Charlie.

Charlie: Woah, Dad. Take it easy. Here have water and some pain meds. Aunt Bel left it here just in case.

He doesn't need to be told twice as he took the pill, noting the bitter taste in his mouth. Pride be damned (ha! get it?), he just wants the pain to go away.

Charlie is still fussing and talking a million miles per hour and Lucifer doesn't have the heart to make her stop even though his head is about to split in half.

Maybe Charlie will forgive him if he snaps right now. Thankfully that doesn't happen as a new person comes to enter his room.

Alastor: Charlie, dear, I think your father would appreciate a quieter room.

Charlie: - Oh, Al! Right! Sorry, dad.

Lucifer: It's okay, applepie. Can you also dim the lights a bit?

Alastor: Charlie, might I ask of you to get food for your father? There should be some leftovers still.

Charlie: O-oh I- Sure, Al! Be right back, dad!

As soon as she left, Alastor moves to Lucifer's bedside. Lucifer follows his movements and only then does the King realize the insane amount of flowers taking up every space in his room. And then he realized that Alastor has some in his hands too.

Lucifer: What's all this?

Alastor: Why, tokens from your loved ones and dearest citizens. These ones are of mine.

The Radio Demon points at the golden Marigolds. Lucifer observes the other flowers and sees that every bunch has atleast a few Marigolds tucked in them.

Did.. did Alastor put them there so he could have the most flowers given? What a possessive bastard.

His endearment must be obvious in his face because Alastor huffed- freaking huffed!

Alastor: Whatever you are thinking, it is simply nonsense.

Lucifer puts his hands up in a mock surrender.

Lucifer: I didn't say anything.

Alastor: Good.

Alastor can be so cute when he wants (or not want?) to be. His lover? partner? Yeah, partner, sits down by his side, letting Lucifer lean onto his shoulder.

He's not soft like Lilith but Lucifer feels just as content. The sin of Pride stares at his arms that is now covered in runes he doesn't understand, no longer just plain black. Roo really did a number on him- her powers were far too strong it basically altered his appearance. He's more demon now than he was ever an angel. He doesn't know how to feel about that.

Alastor: Some things are to be discussed, right, Your Majesty?

Lucifer: Mmm. Yeah. But- I can't. Not right now. I'm not sure if I can.

Alastor: That's alright, mon ange. We are not in a hurry. We have our afterlife.

Lucifer bites his lip and holds Alastor's hands in guilt. This is a burden he must carry himself. What's inside him... it would be more dangerous if anyone else knew, especially Heaven. It's better to think of it as a wild card than a ticking time bomb.

Alastor hums a tune that makes him sleepy again. He doesn't remember falling asleep but he does vaguely recall being laid down again. He remembers a feeling of a kiss on his forehead, something brushing his cheek and moving his hair.

A nice calm before the storm.

---------------------------------------------------

Charlie took so long cos she wanted to heat it up but the microwave is missing?? (Alastor's doing)

Next chapter, Luci will wake again and have a talk with Charlie

Just wanted to get some Radioapple in there.

[icycoldninja]

DMC incorrect quotes (pt 3)

Vergil: Are you drunk? Dante: Only on the spirit of Christmas! Nero: And the spirit of whisky.

Nero, to Vergil: Why is Dante not talking? Vergil: I'm playing the silent game with him. Nero: Well, then you just lost. Vergil: I lost two hours ago. I gave him ear plugs and told him to close his eyes. It was the only way I could think of to get him to shut up.

Dante: I don’t even use tubberware anymore. Vergil: What are you saying? Say it again. Dante: Tubberware. Vergil: Say it again. Slow. Dante: Tubberware. Vergil: Slow, very slow - actually, say the first syllable. Dante: Tub. Vergil: Wrong. Dante: What do you mean, wrong? Vergil: I thought I caught that. You’re saying tub. It’s P. Dante: What are you talking about? Vergil: Tupperware. Tupper. Dante: It’s tupper! Vergil: It’s tupper, always has been, always will be. Dante: I thought it was tubberware because it kind of looks like a tub.

Nero: Why is it that I always lose things as soon as I need them? Dante: Actually, it's not that you lose things when you need them. You lose them a while before. It's just that you LOOK for things when you need them. Nero: Okay yeah thanks Dante, that's great but WHERE'S THE FUCKING FIRST AID KIT?

Dante, grinning: Before you were what? Vergil: Before I was- Dante: What? Vergil: Before I was inter- Dante: Before you were interrupted? Vergil: Cut me off one more time and I swear I'll- Dante: What? Vergil: makes frustrated sound Nero, nervously: Stop that. Before he hurts you.

Dante: Do crabs think people walk sideways? Vergil: …Dante, what the hell.

Vergil, as a child, reading their school assignment out loud: I love my library because… Vergil, mouthing words while writing: I love reading, fuck you.

Vergil, after getting a library card: Now I know what true power feels like.

Nero: Did you buy eggs like I asked? Dante: Even better! Nero: What the fuck did you- Dante: holding up a chicken Her name is Fluffy.

Dante, on the phone: Uh. . Hey, Lady, i uh, I’ve been stabbed. Nero: WHAT? WHERE ARE YOU? Dante: Wait- You aren’t Lady. Sorry- I didn’t mean to call you- Nero: NO, WHERE ARE YOU? IM COMING THERE. IM NOT GOING TO LEAVE SOMEONE ALONE THATS BEEN STABBED.

Nero: Would you like your pizza cut into six or eight slices, Dante? Dante: Oh just six, I don’t think I could eat eight.

Dante: Hopefully Vergil has learned a lesson about respecting other people's feelings. Vergil: Oh, shut up and die Dante.

Nero: Ayo, what the FUCK is this?!? Vergil, sitting down, surrounded by corpses: I won Mafia, that’s what.

Nero: Silence is golden. Vergil: Duct tape is silver.

Dante: Big day today, Vergil. holds up two shirts Mustard stain or ketchup stain? Vergil: Mustard– looks less like blood.

Vergil: I’ve never been in a snowball fight before. I don’t know the rules. Nero: What? Vergil: Is there a point system, or is it to the death?

Dante: I’m so tired. Vergil: Did you get to bed late? Dante: No. Vergil: Did you do something strenuous? Dante: No. Vergil: Then why are you tired? Dante: I’m alive. Vergil: Sounds exhausting.

Dante, slamming pots and pans together to the rhythm of "Give it to me, I'm worth it": I didn't get no sleep cause a' y'all! Y'all never gonna sleep cause a' me!

[marshmallow-rainbow139]

Things Anne has said since becoming Batmom (In no specific order) - Part 1

"Why is your costume so colorful? You look like a traffic light."

"Richard, get off the chandelier."

"Jason, no guns at the dinner table."

"Timothy, stop hacking your brother's bank account."

"Cassandra, stop sneaking behind me, or I'm going to put a bell on you as if you were a cat."

"Damian, stop pushing Jon; he'll fly when he feels ready."

"Who got stabbed?"

"Which bone is broken?"

"Don't make me go there and scold you in front of the entire Justice League!"

"Stop taunting your brother!"

"Stop fighting your brother!"

"Stop trying to stab your brother!"

"Damian, I don't care; you know how to drive! You're a minor; it's illegal! Do you want me to go to jail for child endangerment?"

"Richard, I feel like I've aged a full decade in your first year as Robin!"

"Every gray hair in my head is because of y'all."

"Why are you entering through the window? Our doors work fine! Why are you sneaking in? This is your home, not the white house!"

"Why is Batcow in the living room?"

"Hide your costumes; we have non-superhero visitors coming soon!"

"Who's Beast Boy? Oh, the green kid that can turn into an animal! Sure, he can spend the night. If his mentor is alright with it."

"I don't care Poison Ivy is at large; you're going to stay here and study."

"Just because you're the leader of a superhero team doesn't mean you can give your mother attitude, Mister!"

"Your domino mask is still on your face."

"You went to what planet?"

"Is that blood or ketchup on your clothes?"

"Which headquarters did your father say he was going to? The one in Washington? Or the one in space?"

"Boys, come check if this is a bomb or a regular package. I don't know the difference anymore."

[stars-n-spice]

Silly Squad Alignment Charts

Because I thought it would be fun and silly :)

Find out more about the Silly Squad here!

Of course, have to start with the classic:

Hunter will say they have food at home and it's literally like probably two slices of bread, a bottle of ketchup, and a head of lettuce

Viram KNOWS how to cook so you best be happy to eat her food instead of having Mcdonalds

Khea and Echo it depends on their mood whether they pull up and order a single black coffee before leaving (Echo would never do it if Omega is in the car)

Crosshair doesn't even like their coffee but he does it to be a little shit

Feel like Tech is also kinda in the middle because he'll be like "Technically we have food at home-" but he also needs his caffeine

Phee will ALWAYS pull up to the Mcdonalds, especially when Omega's with her. Then Omega always holds it over Hunter- "Well, PHEE takes ME to Mcdonalds!"

Tay is the definition of a bastard (no seriously)

Phee is bastard (affectionate) but would technically be more of "Badass" than anything

Khea, Crosshair, and Tech are the Bitch Trio and if you put them in a room together they WILL tear each other apart (emotionally most likely but Tech will goad Crosshair and Khea into physically fighting each other while he records)

Majority of the squad is Babey though

Echo is also "Bad Ass" but he could also be a Bitch if he wanted

Hunter is Bastard just because I think it's funny

Dumb Bitch Hunter my beloved <3

Echo is sad dick because he has no dick

I use dumb affectionately with Wrecker (not with Hunter and Tay)

Tech just has big dick energy to me idk

Khea's a sad hoe but she'll never admit to it (the being sad part)

If you've noticed, I really like making fun of Hunter that's why he's there in the dumbass squared category

Wrecker, Khea, and Phee are all smart as fuck but have more fun pretending that they aren't really

Tay is good at pretending that he is smart - he is not

Then of course, Tech, Cross, and Echo are all smartasses

This fit so perfectly I was dying

Hunter is laughing nervously because he's aroace lmao

Omega would be like "Thanks! :D" and just carry on

Jung would most likely do *thumbs up* instead of finger guns though

When you pair up the couples, it's funnier

If Tay said "I know" after Cross told him that he loved him, Crosshair would dump him on the spot

Khea tells Wrecker she loves him for the first time and he short circuits and probably would say something along the lines of "YEET!"

Viram and Echo both have issues and would not be able to comprehend why someone would love them - I'm sure Echo's got insecurities and Viram knows she's a workaholic and therefore difficult to be in a relationship so she apologies in advance

If Phee told Tech she loved him and he went "a horrible decision, really" she'd probably laugh

And of course, who doesn't love Phee? If you don't, get out of here.

Crosshair could care less, he ain't dealing with that shit

Tech would say this ominously as if he's seen the future and knows your death is imminent meanwhile Khea's is more of a - "you probably will because everyone close to me has already died" sort of way :/

I feel like Omega might also be "i'd die for you first" too

Hunter, Viram, and Echo don't want to deal with that shit either, they've already got so much loss, guilt, and other things on their plate

Tay's probably not listening when someone tells him they'd die for him while Phee's like, "Oh, neat. Anyways, as I was saying about my last adventure-"

Jung is ready and willing to put his life on the line and Wrecker would probably more like a "Nu uh" because he's got your back and would look out for you

Phee will also do it for some credits or a cool treasure

Tay is going to fight god (and he's going to lose)

Tech could do so much more than take down the government, but he needs incentives (him and Phee can take down the government together <3)

Khea is a bounty hunter, her job literally requires her to stab people sometimes in order for her to get money

Crosshair would stab without anyone needing to ask him

Echo's taking down the government no matter what, but especially if Rex asks him to come along

Jung is going to fight god if you ask them to (and he'll win)

Viram is the type of friend who is an excellent tutor and you end up understanding the concept after getting her help meanwhile Omega will explain what she knows and then the homework becomes a group project of figuring out what the fuck it's asking

You can copy Hunter's homework but there is no guarantee that the answers are right (most of them are wrong)

You can copy Jung's homework and there's a high chance the answers are right

Khea had better things to do than homework - like get frustrated over it and cry for a bit before giving up on it

Phee did some of the homework but she'll only help you out if you give her something in exchange

Wrecker and Tay, beloved himbos, they had no idea and even if they did do the homework, you wouldn't want to copy off of them

Crosshair also didn't do the homework but he also doesn't want to respond

Tech and Echo both did the homework and it's correct but they don't tolerate copying work to even have suggested it is offensive so now you're left on read

[lutawolf]

The Sign Commentary Review Ep 4

We start off with a bang, staring at a woman's scared face. Ah, she's being interrogated by Phaya. Okay, so the whole investigation is a bit triggering for me, so I'm watching, but my only commentary is if he sexually assaulted someone and then is being victimized himself. Well, I'm okay with that.

Yai and Sand! Yai is such a drama king and I adore him for it.

Oh, someone is still playing hard to get. And apparently that is not limited to just Tharn, but also Thong. The way Phaya grabs Tharn and drags him is cute.

This just looks yummy! Haha! The way Phaya is getting annoyed about Tharn talking about the case is hilarious considering how one tracked mind he used to be. Now he is just trying to go on a date with his baby and Tharn is drawing a line. Business only.

Who is this woman that Tharn has bumped into. She's wearing Naga jewelry.

"Your life is short. You were supposed to be dead since when you were young. But your parents gave you to the Abbot... To extend your life and try to change your destiny. That’s why you’re still alive today. But young man, I warn you. You must look out for those whom you’ve wronged in the past life. They are very near. They are coming to take your life."

I love how Tharn's face says, tell me shit I don't already know, lady. She then turns to warn Phaya who had been doing an amazing job of looking like he wasn't there. He's like, I just want to eat. Why won't anyone let me eat!

Woman disappeared. Just poof. But then we see her and she is clearly Naga.

Phaya are you really concerned about Tharn or are you trying to get in his room? Him thinking over what the woman said and it's matching the Abbott. And to be honest, it matches with what he wants, soooo...

Oh, Tharn has a vision of Phaya getting stabbed right when we hear the doorbell, which we all know is Phaya. His excuse is his bike isn't working. You're a cop dude and that's the best you could come up with. I hope you at least let granny know.

I love the way Phaya pushes the envelope and always causes Tharn to back up. These two are hilarious. I really enjoy the clearly macho humor thrown in. I enjoy shows where one love interest isn't macho, but this girl likes variety and is enjoying the different nuances to this show.

Poor confused Tharn. What wait, is this real? It has a dream like quality. Daaaaaaaaaaaaaamn, good dream Tharn. Go back to sleep! Go back to sleep and finish it!

Haha! The dream got you so rattle Tharn it has you covering up Phaya with a pillow!!! Damn, his picture cracked. Which means someone is secretly watching him. That's not creepy at all.

Yes, Tharn, let's go back over that dream. *Nods head in pleased mode.* Haha, the way Tharn jumped back when Phaya took off that towel. What I find hilarious is that Phaya wore the towel when he clearly had that on underneath. Tease much Phaya.

I think this smile says it all. He did not stick his finger in the yoke! That's it, throw him out! Yeah, stick it in your mouth like you're a sexy bitch, but Tharn and I are on the same page. Phaya's face clearly saying that this did not go according to his plan.

🤣🤣🤣 Poor Phaya was trying to hard to bring sexy back and gets this instead. 🤣🤣🤣 He probably woke to those pillows covering his crotch and came to the sensible conclusion that with a little push he could have Tharn. He's just not as smooth as our baby is, klutzy.

Phaya, just take the enjoyment out of it that you can. Tharn cleaning up the ketchup for you. Tharn's solution to this whole mess. "Just go to work naked!" I can absolutely get behind this. Like literally... hahaha. These two coconuts are hilarious.

This dumbass, oh look, the bike is fixed. Magic! 🤣🤣🤣 Yai, God, I love Yai. He's just asking some innocent questions that Tharn is trying to cover up. Which Phaya is not having. He has been walking perfectly fine, but when he hears Yai, he starts yanking at the pants and acting dramatic. Then, when Yai ask HIM an innocent question, he tells him the pants are Tharn's.

Which leads to this beautiful interaction.

OMG... Apparently the pants were really too small. Hahaha!

Wait, doesn't that girl look familiar. Isn't that the Naga lady?

Maybe not, maybe just similar looking. Either way, Phaya catches the significance of the conversation and goes to ask them abut the influencer. They've got a clue now!

Woot! I love all the strong females. Mayris is a hoot. Here comes Phaya sparing no feelings. I suspect Singh. With absolutely nothing to go by as yet.

He sees the future, though, not the past. Hmm. Tharn only had a seconds warning, now they are stuck and Phaya is running after the fire starter.

Tharn picks up Phaya getting stabbed. Gets them unstuck somehow with a chair. And is now going after Phaya.

Phaya, you are once again saved by Tharn. Why is Tharn playing doctor to Phaya instead of medical staff? I mean, he got hit in the head. I know he is hard-headed, but I'm just saying. Phaya being short-tempered and so confused about Tharn acting like he cares when he usually doesn't. Then Mayris reading the room and having fun with it. 🤣🤣🤣

Sneaky Phaya listening to the convo.

Tharn's face says it all.

Who is Dao... I'm sure this won't cause misunderstandings at all. Oh, I called it. Tharn is jelly! So jelly! Yai don't look happy either. You fucked up, Phaya. Hahaha! Of course, Yai is also going to take the opportunity to poke the sore spot.

Revenge has shown up in the face of Dr. Chalothon. OMG, that was so classic and yet still Beautiful. Chalothon asks Tharn if he is hungry and if he wants to eat before going home. Tharn looks right at Phaya as he says yes. Phaya has his priorities in order though and chases after them. But not smart enough to clear up the misunderstanding. Oh goody, when we incorrectly diagnose Schizophrenia without any data. Schizophrenia exists on a scale, the more extreme cases that refuse medication can be a danger whether to themselves or others depend on environmental factors. Also, Schizophrenia isn't as common as people think. On a global scale, it's 1 out of 300 people. 1 out 3 Schizophrenics can successfully get treated and recover enough to live independently. Ahh, there we go, he is using it to point fingers at Phaya.

Nobody told the good doctor this. You fell for that Phaya???

Aww, Tharn was so happy to see Phaya, but Phaya is not happy.

So much excitement about finding genitals. Oh, they might have found him. I'm not holding my breath yet.

Phaya looking at Cap while everyone else is looking at Tharn...

Ahhh, please let the scene in the preview not be a dream! Woot! Can't wait!

[vink-spade15]

Some P4 + Clayton and Cheslock incorrect quotes

I'm sorry if they a bit OOC tho-

Edgar: On the count of three, what's your favorite cake? One, two, three-

Edgar and Lawrence, in unison: Chocolate cake peanut butter frosting with chocolate chunks!

Herman: Our turn, Violet! One, two, three- vanilla!

Violet, deadpan: I've never had cake, what is cake.

Edgar: Why are your tongues purple?

Herman: We had slushies.I had a blue one.

Violet: I had a red one.

Edgar: oh

Edgar:

Edgar: OH

Lawrence:

Lawrence: You drank each other's slushies?

Cop: You're receiving a ticket for having three people on one motorcycle.

Lawrence: Shit.

Edgar: Wait, three?

Cop: Yeah?

Violet: OH FUCK HERMAN FELL OFF-

Lawrence: You were stabbed. Do you remember anything?

Edgar: Only the ambulance ride to the hospital.

Lawrence: That wasn't an ambulance, I drove you.

Edgar: But I heard a siren.

Violet: That was Herman.

Herman: Sorry, I got nervous.

Lawrence: You know those things will kill you, right?

Edgar, pouring another glass of whiskey: That's the point.

Violet, smoking a cigarette: We're trying to speed up the process.

Herman: * Nods while eating raw cookie dough*

Lawrence: What do you want then?

Violet: Er… something work related.

Lawrence: What department is this?

Violet: Sorry?

Lawrence: Well, if it's work related you'd obviously know what department this is.What department is this?

Lawrence: * looks at Herman and Edgar* Some sort of homosexual department?

Lawrence: I currently have 7 empty notebooks and I have no idea what to put in them. Any suggestions?

Violet: Put spaghetti in it.

Lawrence: I am currently taking suggestions from everyone but you.

Herman: Put spaghetti in it.

Lawrence: I am currently taking suggestions from everyone but you two.

Edgar: Put spaghetti in it.

Lawrence: I am no longer taking suggestions.

Lawrence: Violet, we're hungry!

Herman: Violet! What's for dinner?

Edgar: We're hungry, Violet!

Violet, frying a bottle of ketchup over the stove: * screams *

*Lawrence's helping Edgar out after he get injured, while the others are watching*

Violet: How does Edgar look?

Herman: A little better than you, actually.

Violet : you little shit-

Lawrence: You guys worried about Edgar?

Violet: Totally!

Herman: Yeah, he called me in the middle of the night and just yelled, "what do I do, what do I do, what do I do, what do I do?"

Lawrence: And what'd you say?

Herman: "I dunno, I dunno, I dunno, I dunno."

Violet:

Lawrence: he lucky to have you as a friend unfortunately

Lawrence: Isn't it weird that we pay money to see other people?

Edgar: Plane tickets?

Violet: Concert tickets?

Herman: Prostitution?

Lawrence, holding their broken frames: Glasses. And second HERMAN WHAT THE ACTUAL FU-

*Everyone is standing around the broken coffee maker*

Lawrence: So.Who broke it? I'm not mad, I just wanna know.

Everyone:

Edgar: ...I did.I broke it.

Lawrence: No.No you didn't. Herman?

Herman: Don't look at me. Look at Violet.

Violet: What?!I didn't break it.

Herman: Huh, that's weird. How'd you even know it was broken?

Violet: Because it's sitting right in front of us and it's broken.

Herman: Suspicious.

Violet: No, it's not!

Clayton: If it matters, probably not, but Cheslock was the last one to use it.

Cheslock: Liar! I don't even drink that crap!

Clayton: Oh really? Then what were you doing by the coffee cart earlier?

Cheslock: I use the wooden stirrers to push back my cuticles.Everyone knows that, Clayton!

Edgar: Okay let's not fight. I broke it. Let me pay for it, Lawrence.

Lawrence: No! Who broke it!?

Everyone:

Clayton: Lawrence...Herman's been awfully quiet.

Herman: REALLY?!

* Everyone starts arguing*

Lawrence, being interviewed: I broke it.I burned my hand so I punched it.

Lawrence: I predict 10 minutes from now they'll be at each other's throats with warpaint on their faces and a pig head on a stick.

Lawrence:

Lawrence: Good.It was getting a little chummy around here.

Herman: Dumbest scar stories, go!

Lawrence: I burned my tongue once drinking tea.

Clayton: I dropped a hair dryer on my leg once and it burned.

Cheslock: I have a piece of graphite in my leg for accidentally stabbing myself with a pencil in the first grade.

Violet: I was taking a cup of noodles out of the microwave and spilled it in my hand and I got a really bad burn.

Edgar: I have emotional scars.

*Squad reactions to being told "I love you"*

Lawrence: oh no

Edgar: thanks fam!

Herman: * cries * I love you too

Violet: Sounds fake but okay

Clayton: * A flustered mess*

Cheslock: can i get a refund?

Lawrence, rubbing his temples: I am not proud of what I am about to say, but someone get me a cigarrette.

Clayton: But Lawrence, we don't smoke.

Lawrence: Cut the crap, Clayton. I'm not an idiot. I know that one in five people smoke.

Lawrence: *points at Cheslock* One! *points at Edgar* Two! *points at Herman* Three! *points at Violet* Four! *points at Clayton* Five!

Lawrence: Now, I am going to close my eyes, and when I open them, there better be a cigarrette between these two fingers!

Violet: *puts a cigarrette in Lawrence's hand*

Lawrence: Thank you. ...Light?

The Squad: *all simultaneously pull out lighters*

Lawrence: Edgar... How do I begin to explain Edgar?

Herman: Edgar is flawless.

Violet: I hear his hair's insured for $10,000.

Clayton: I hear he do car commercials... in Japan.

Cheslock: One time they punched me in the face...it was awesome.

Lawrence, walking into their house: Hello, people who do not live here.

Edgar: Hey.

Herman: Hi.

Violet: Hello.

Clayton: Hey!

Lawrence: I gave you the key to my place for emergencies only!

Cheslock: We were out of Doritos. And it is an emergency that we out of Doritos.

[iheartgracie]

jude duarte soft quotes

“So, in short, Valerian tried to kill me,” I say, finishing my story. “And I stabbed him… So I might be in some trouble.”

“He grabs hold of my wrist. I am shocked by the sensation of his skin warm against mine. “Take care,” he says, and then smiles. “It would be very dull to have to sit here for an entire day just because you went and got yourself killed.”

“My last thoughts would be of your boredom,”

“You were just going,” I tell Locke.

He grins. “I find I am very comfortable here,” Locke says. “Surely there’s nothing you have to say to the king that is so very personal or private.”

“It’s a shame you’ll never find out. Go. Now.”

“Stop you?” I echo. “Sure. If you’re a huge jerk and a threat to Elfhame, I’ll pop your head right off.”

“If you joke about this, I am going to—”

“Kill me?” he asks, raising both black brows.

I think I might hate him after all.”

i cant believe the land chose me

i, jude duarte, high queen of elfhame, in exile, spend most of my mornings dozing in front of daytime television watching cooking competitions and cartoons

“i don’t take commands from mortals” he says with his customary cruel smile. “so your gonna say something nice?” i don’t think so faeries cant lie.

“have i told you how hideous you look tonight?” “no tell me”

“i cant”

i can be charming, i charmed you didnt i?

you never break.

i know when we come to a door because i walk straight into it, much to the roaches amusement. “you really cant see” he says. i rubbed my forehead “i told you i couldn’t” “yes but you’re the liar, i’m not supposed to believe anything you say” “why would i lie about something like that?”

i am no longer a child and i don’t need comfort.

“you betraying toad”

“I’m a jerk. I’m an idiot,” I say. “I admit it. You don’t have to lecture me.”

“I thought you were going to give me a hard time about the glamour,” she says. “You know, the one you resisted.”

“You shouldn’t magic your sisters.”

“And you shouldn’t try to chop yours in half.”

“Maybe he regrets it. After all, I could be scolding him right now, instead of you.”

That makes me smile.”

“You won’t believe what we found in the treasury,” Vivi says.

“I thought treasuries were just full of gems and gold and stuff.”

“We found armor. Glorious armor. For you.”

“For a queen, Which, you may recall, there hasn’t been in a little while.”

“It may well have belonged to Mab herself,”

“You’re really building this up,”

“Well, even if the serpent bites off your head,” says Tatterfell, “the rest of you will still look good.”

“That’s the spirit,” I tell her.”

“Nothing can be seen until the event is concluded.”

“No pressure, then,” I mutter.”

“Do you remember the fairy tale with the snake who has the helicopter parents and marries the princess?”

“Helicopter?”

“You’re the one who’s late. But as the hero of the hour, that’s all to the good. I am going to make you into a vision.”

“Sounds like a lot of work on your part,”

“Will you dance?” he asks, presenting his hand.

“You may remember that I am not particularly accomplished at it,”

“I don’t know what to apologize for first,” I say. “Cutting off your head or hesitating so long to do it. ”

“I grin irrepressibly at Cardan. He smiles back, with a little surprise. It’s possible I don’t smile like that very often.”

“Vivi blows a noisemaker. “Here,” she says, passing out paper crowns for us to wear.

“This is ridiculous,” I complain, but put mine on.”

“A black horse was nibbling the grass of the lawn when they went outside. Its eyes were big and soft. Jude wanted to throw her arms around its neck and press her wet face into its silky mane.”

“In Faerie, there are no fish sticks, no ketchup, no television”

“There are two ways for mortals to become permanent subjects of the Court: marrying into it or honing some great skill—in metallurgy or lute playing or whatever. Not interested in the first, I have to hope I can be talented enough for the second.”

“She hops onto the bed beside me, disarranging my small pile of threadbare stuffed animals—a koala, a snake, a black cat—all beloved of my seven-year-old self. I cannot bear to throw out any of my relics.”

“We’re going to have fun tonight.”

“Fun?”

“I can see why humans succumb to the beautiful nightmare of the Court, why they willingly drown in it.

I know I shouldn’t love it as I do, stolen as I am from the mortal world, my parents murdered. But I love it all the same.”

“They talk about honor, but what they really care about is power. I am good enough with a blade, knowledgeable in strategy. All I need is a chance to prove myself.”

“Someone who, along with Princess Rhyia, doesn’t appear to be attending tonight. But—oh no. I do see him.

Prince Cardan, sixth-born to the High King Eldred, yet still the absolute worst, strides across the floor toward us.”

“Vivi said she wishes she had one.”

“I’m glad she doesn’t,” I say firmly, which is stupid. I have nothing against tails.”

“I stand in front of my window and imagine myself a fearless knight, imagine myself a witch who hid her heart in her finger and then chopped her finger off.”

“Are you going to quit the tournament?”

“You mean because of Cardan and his Court of Jerks?”

“You’re littering in a magical lake,” she tells me.

“It’ll rot,” I say. “And so will we”

“Cardan’s gaze catches mine, and I can’t help the evil smile that pulls up the corners of my mouth”

“There is always a moment when it begins to move that I can’t help grinning. There is something about the sheer impossibility of it, the magnificence of the woods streaking by and the way the ragwort hooves kick up gravel as they leap up into the air, that gives me an electric rush of pure adrenaline.”

“You want to sit down or something?” Heather says, nodding toward the food court.

“Somebody owes me coffee,” I say pointedly to Vivi.”

[mozzarellamuppet]

Pinetober- Take One

(Pinetober is where I write down small drabbles themed around pining for the month of October to antagonize my friend @bigoltrashpile for shits and giggles. Hope you enjoy since they finally convinced me to post some of them)

Movie Night: Sans Undertale x Reader

Beep

beep beep

mmmm

Absentmindedly listening to the microwave buzz as you look at the fossilized marshmallow stuck on the inside of the microwave from the time you and Sans made peeps battle in the microwave, neither of you really liked peeps but they were expired from easter and had to have some purpose.

So they fought to the death for your entertainment, exploding in the microwave after getting stabbed by a toothpick by their fellow peep.

Good times. Messy microwaves.

You only halfway zone out through your memories to make sure you don't burn the pop corn, listening to the pops like a vulture. Sure Sans would eat burnt popcorn with enough ketchup added but you prefer non charcoal popcorn.

It's nice that you and Sans get to spend time together, ever since that machine he tried using as a generator when the power went out went haywire, things got hectic with the amount of alternate universe versions of him and his brother now lived in the house til the machine was fixed.

If it ever got fixed.

Taking the hot bag of corn out of the microwave before it burnt, you opened the bag to pour it out into a bowl, trying to pick out the unpopped kernels from the bag, Sans would probably try eating them.

Holding the bowl with one arm as you grab the bag of random assorted candies and a bottle of ketchup you and Sans picked out for cheap earlier, can't have a movie night without stomach ache inducing popcorn mixes after all.

"i did"

"got the snacks ready?" Sans peaks into the kitchen, offering to help you carry the snacks but you lightly smack his hands away. "c'mon bud, just wanted to help, can't butter ya up if i ain't helpin somehow"

"Glad you could pop in to offer assistance but it takes more than that to fool me into handing you the snacks before the movie starts" You playfully bump your hip against him as you pass by him, making sure not to spill popcorn as you do, starting to head into the living room and look at the blank couch. "Thought you said you were going to set up the pillows and blankets?"

"Where??" You look at him and he seems confused why you're looking at the couch, the living room was the only place with a tv?

"oh, not here, set them up in my room" Smiling at the confusion on your face, Sans takes the lead up the stairs, you following behind, opening the door to his room to reveal

A tv mounted on his wall across from the wall his bed is on, blankets and pillows put across the room and a towel on the foot of the bed to put the snacks on. When did he get a tv???

Chuckling at your confused expression, Sans sits down on the bed, scooting over to make room for you, patting the spot next to him. "i got it cause the others kept fighting over what to watch for movie nights and stuff, less arguments when i can watch the documentaries and comedy specials i want to when i got my own tv, y'know. plus means we can go back to hanging out, watching tv with just us two, bad commentary, puns, and all"

You join Sans on the bed, "You just don't wanna have to walk back to your room after a movie night" playfully nudging against him as you place the snacks down on the towel.

"that too." Noticing Sans had already put down two bottles of soda on the towel, in your rush to get snacks you forgot to get a drink for yourself.

"Oh, I forgot about that, thanks dude"

"no problem, figured you forgot again and didn't want to extend your little ritual of taking forever to settle down anywhere"

"Oh c'mon I'm not that bad" You say, still not fully settled down. Sans chuckles as he pulls you up to snuggle against him. Your head laying against his chest, a lazy arm thrown around your upper back as Sans rests his head on top of yours. Sans clicking at the remote as it pulls up the Halloween baking show you've both been binge watching together recently.

"Oh lord, here we go"

"yep, here we go, bad puns and you losing it over bitchy contestants and judges"

"I'm a fair ass towards them, they're all snobs" You can't help but relax against Sans as his hand starts to absentmindedly rub your back. It's been forever since you two got to hang out with just you two and you missed it.

Not to mention you had developed a little bit of a massive crush on him, but you knew Sans didn't like you that way.

But that's ok, you're fine just being friends.

Missing how Sans sends you loving looks each time you make a smartass remark towards someone messing something up on the show, hoping you noticed how his bed is cleaned and he picked out your favorite blankets from your room to make you comfier.

It isn't much but it's at least a little effort to try and impress you, anything to make him feel like he might be somewhat in your league.

[tyrannoslex]

batfam headcanons bc i hyperfixate on them…again

anyway:

— jason stabs people to the rhythm of poker face by lady gaga

— dick gets banned on every social media site bc of his name

— when damian told tim he named one of his pets after him, he didn’t expect it to be one of the rats that live in the attic

— tim eats cucumbers with ketchup unironically (it‘s his fav midnight snack)

— they played uno ONCE and then never again

— same with monopoly and literally any other board game (exception is when alfred is present at all times and keeps them in check)

— jason was a theater kid in middle school and bruce went to all of his plays even if he only played tree nr 2

— tim and steph BEGGED bruce for a dance dance revolution…there are competitions every friday night, the loser has to go to brucie‘s gala‘s

— dick destroyed two (2) tv‘s so far because he forgot to fasten the wrist band of the wii controller when he played bowling with jason

— bruce complaints about everything his kids have been up to in a dairy (it‘s his nightly ritual)

— cass reads the dairies

— damian went as batman to halloween

— jason has an ao3 account and writes batman x bruce wayne fanfiction

— he is also one of these authors with the most fucked up explanations as to way he updates too late („sorry the chapter is late, i was dead for like six months but don‘t worry i am fine now“, „sorry for the delay had a brawl with some thug, turns out his grandmother’s name is martha too“ etc.)

— the whole fam cramped into the batmobile once after an exhausting patrol and demanded mc donalds. Bruce roled up in mc drive only to order a single black coffee. The drive-through worker was like this:

— Dick is a giant „Tim and Bernard“ enthusiasts. He plans a date at a baseball game. Dick pays the camera man to focus the kiss cam on the two. He cheers the loudest when they actually kiss. He dragged the whole bunch along too. Steph filmed everything. Duke apologizes to the bystanders. Cass is buying merch. Jason throws popcorn into the hood of a guy seated in front of them. Damian chews on his vegan gummy bears trying to find the quickest escape route.

— jason definitely spray painted the batman suit at least once

— tim once confused sugar w salt and put it in his coffee…he didn’t notice until he was half way done with his cup.

— damian has a pet tarantula

— jason is terrified of said tarantula

— bruce drooled on the keyboard of the batcomputer once after falling asleep in the cave

— alfred took photos of it

— Dick makes dick jokes

— damian tripped over his cape once but that is between him and the homeless guy who saw him

— damian planned to turn the cave into a petting zoo

[catmonk]

Bruised Waynes

Part One Part Two

Inspired by this post from @sepia-stained-sunset

Pairing- (GEN) Bruce Wayne and His Kids

The one where his kids drive him insane.

The streets were lively today but it was Gotham, no calm nights existed. The rumble of an engine filled the cave as the Batmobile slid into its place. The driver’s side opened and two figures tumbled out.

“Father, that fiend deserved death at my blade.”

“Robin. The criminals deserve a second chance, your personal opinions should not dictate who lives and dies.”

“Tsk.” Damian stormed off, likely to complain to Alfred.

Bruce slid the cowl off his face and rubbed his eyes fiercely. He sat down in front of the Batcomputer, chair creaking under his weight. The nights seemed to get longer the older he got. If only raising children was as easy as defeating the latest villain. His thoughts were interrupted by a light ping. 

Update to the Medical File- 

Nightwing: two weeks 😅

Bruce’s heart clenched. What injury would take Dick that long to heal? He flicked through the tabs, opening the comm line to his son. He had to stay calm.

Click.

“Champ, report.”

“Ghauuh, I tore my hamstring doing squats.”

He signed. “Put some ice on it, and come to the manor for a checkup from Agent A.” Bruce leaned back in his chair, “And use the medical file correctly.”

“What, you said in more detail so I added an emoji.”

“That's- ok fine, I’m proud of you son.”

Click.

-

Batman was the night. He was terror. The dark knight of Gotham. Currently, the said dark knight is attempting to stop the Condiment King. 

"The big bad Bat-guy. I knew you'd ketchup to me sooner or later. How I relished this meeting. Come, Batman. Let's see if you can cut the mustard." 

Ping! Bruce would recognize the sound anywhere. Instantly, he flipped behind Condiment King- god that’s a horrible name-, picking him up by the scruff of his neck. 

“You’ve done enough damage, Standler.” He growled. Grabbing one of the man’s wrist, he handcuffed it to the kiosk of the terrorized restaurant. 

A man crouched behind the counter rose up. “Thank you Batman, you saved my restaurant.” 

Batman was nowhere to be found. 

Well, no one would find him on the rooftop.

Update to the Medical File- 

Red Hood: stabbed. 

“Oracle, alert the GCPD that Condiment King was apprehended. Connect me to Red Hood.” Batman spoke into the empty air. He heard his comm crackle only a few seconds later.

Click.

“Talk to be Jaylad, where did you get stabbed.”

“Kinda busy here, B. Kori just started another bar fight.”

“Jason, I need to know how injured you are.”

“We’re winning, if you care. Toodle-o, Pops” 

Click.

Bruce stared down at the city in frustration. Why were his children like this? He sighed and radioed in for Alfred to prepare his aspirin. Not that any medicine would help, his tolerance had long required enough tranquilizer for a rhino. 

-

Update to the Medical File- 

Red Robin: hand =͟͟͞͞( •̀д•́)))

Bruce rubbed his eyebrows, looking down at the notification. He was sure that Tim was in the manor. In fact, as he opened his window he could hear two voices yelling in the yard below.

“Your cow BIT ME.”

“Tch, it was your fault, Drake. She was only protecting her master.”

“Protecting you?” Tim scoffed, “You're the menace here, no one else in this city wears platform crocs.”

Bruce peered below to confirm that yes, Damian was indeed taller than usual. 

“I’ll have you know that these are designer!” Damian pulled a knife out of his pants, only to get toppled over with a push. 

Bruce slowly closed the window. What he didn’t see wasn't his problem. 

Ping!

Update to the Medical File- 

Robin: avenged.

-

The halls of the Justice League overlooked the vastness of Earth. Batman glowered out the window while Signal looked around in awe. These meetings could be a business email, but Alfred had wanted him to ‘socialize’. Behind him, Superman would fall for a prank from Hal Jordan again. 

“Psst, B, can you introduce me to Wonder Woman?”

“Hgnh.” Better Diana than Clark at least. Bruce motioned for Duke to follow, leading him to Green Arrow and Wonder Woman talking about their weekend. He nodded at them. “This is my new protege, The Signal.”

Green Arrow stroked his goatee, “Geez, where do you get these kids?”

“...aren't you Oliver Queen?” 

“TELL YOUR KIDS TO STOP EXPOSING ME!”

Ping!

Update to the Medical File- 

The Signal: mentally scarred

If anyone saw Batman’s lips quirk up, they certainly wouldn't say anything. 

-

Neither of them could be seen against the pitch black of Gotham’s skyline. Batman and Orphan stood silently, overlooking the city. Orphan tilted her head, nudging to the right. 

“What is it, Orphan.” Batman growled. 

She didn't respond, electing to jump down the side of the building. 

Batman followed, looking around he saw her with her hand down a street gutter. He pinched his nose bridge, Agent A would scold both of them later. As he got closer, he could hear a faint mewing from the street gutter, and he watched as Cassandra scooped a tiny black kitten. He kneeled down beside her carefully.

“This is the sign for cat.” Using both hands he pinched his index and thumb together by the side of each cheek.

Putting the kitten in her lap, she mimicked the sign.

“It looks like he needs a home. Catwoman will be glad to foster him.”

Cass shook her head. “Cat Alfred…needs Cat Bruce.”

“Eta back to the cave in seven minutes.” Bruce sighed. 

He could tell she was beaming behind the mask.

Ping! 

Update to the Medical File- Orphan: image.png 🐈‍⬛

[ynbabe]

Lockwood & Co. X Fem!Reader:- Incorrect quotes pt.1

Anthony : *Gasp* Lucy: wHAT?? Anthony: What if soy milk is just milk introducing itself in Spanish? Lucy: *inhales* Y/n, in another room with George: Why can I hear screeching?

━━━━━━━━━▼━━━━━━━━━

Anthony: Question, how difficult would it be to bowl in a bee suit? Lucy: Not that hard, I don't think, as long as you can move. Y/N : I'd assume as hard as it is to bowl in a maid outfit. Y/N : Wouldn't be any harder, but you'd get some WEIRD looks. George: Are. Are you speaking from experience? Y/N : No! Y/N : Y/N : ....Maybe.

━━━━━━━━━▼━━━━━━━━━

Anthony: George, we're hungry! Y/n: George! What's for dinner? Lucy: We're hungry, George! George, frying a bottle of ketchup over the stove: *screams*

━━━━━━━━━▼━━━━━━━━━

Lucy : Why do you look like that? Anthony, laying face-first on the floor: Like what? Lucy : Like you’re dead. Anthony: It’s because I’m dying. Leave me here to perish. George: Anthony accidentally called Y/n “darling” in front of everyone today. Anthony: *sobs into the floor*

━━━━━━━━━▼━━━━━━━━━

Anthony: Made you all playlists! Anthony: Y/n, yours has only heavy metal, and is dark like your soul. Anthony: Lucy , yours has sad songs and blues to pair with your crippling depression. Anthony: And George has the ABBA Gold album.

━━━━━━━━━▼━━━━━━━━━

*after the agency's plan goes horribly wrong* Lucy : Now it seems we're back at square one-- finding Y/n. Anthony: For the record, I already found her. George: And you let her get away before we could have a meaningful conversation. Anthony: She stabbed me! Lucy : I'm surprised she waited this long, Anthony. We've all had the urge.

━━━━━━━━━▼━━━━━━━━━

George, Y/n & Anthony: *screaming* Lucy : *runs into the room* What's wrong, George?! Anthony: Wait, why are you asking George that when Y/n and I are also here? Lucy: Because George wouldn't scream unless it's an emergency. You two scream whenever you have the chance.

━━━━━━━━━▼━━━━━━━━━

Y/n: Lucy is taking credit for George's work, getting him to deal with everything, and making fun of him! You know what she sounds like? Anthony: You? Y/n: No, I meant... You know George. In spite of being clever and sarcastic he's also... fragile and weird and he have trouble fitting in. And Lucy is taking advantage of his weakness! You know what that’s called? Anthony: A Y/n? Y/n: ...Yeah, but I’m the only one who should be allowed to do that, okay?!

━━━━━━━━━▼━━━━━━━━━

Lucy , watching Y/n and Anthony fight: Are you sure they should be fighting? What if they get hurt? George, eating popcorn: It’s fine. They’re too evenly matched to hurt each other. Lucy : Then... who’s the strongest out of you three? Y/n: George. Anthony: George. George: Me.

━━━━━━━━━▼━━━━━━━━━

Y/n: I'm so happy, I could kiss you! Anthony: Um...Neat. *later* Anthony, lying face down on their bed: I said "Neat," George. Who the fuck says neat these days? It's not neat to say neat but I said it anyways because I'm fucking stupid. George, reading a book: Don't beat yourself up too much, Anthony. Everyone gets nervous sometimes. Remember what I did when Flo confessed her love for me? Anthony: Didn't you thank her? George: *closes the book and looks at the ceiling* I fucking thanked her.

[jarritos-hetalia]

Part two of Hetalia as things I've heard! (Extended edition)

These are from years ago, like a while ago. So there are references to Pokemon scarlet and violet, and maybe other things.

~~~

Italy: That kid just twerked on baby Jesus!

~~~

Hungary: So a woman's period is kinda like-

Prussia: *Starts Crying*

~~~

Germany: Hey Japan-

Japan: *Hugs him*

Germany: *Confused Screaming*

~~~

Romano: Do you know who that is? *Points to a random person*

Spain: No?

Romano: That's because you are ugly.

Spain: *Sad*

~~~

America: Hey Old man, have you heard of the star wars character Bofa?

Canada: Don’t

England: What?

America: Bofa deez nuts in your mouth!

~~~

America: I’ve played basketball before.

America: *Goes to shoot the ball*

Canada: Go Lebron Manays!

~~~

Romano: *Sitting on the floor behind Italy and Spain so he doesnt get called on*

Spain: *pointing to him* Romano is here!

Romano: You Bitch

Spain: Germany, call on him!

~~~

Italy: Bye Germany!

Germany: Bye Italy, Love you!

Italy:

Germany: I’m so sorry

~~~

America: *On a discord call with Japan*

Japan: Bye

America: Bye, Love you

Japan: Wha-

America: * Hangs up*

Discord- would you like to rate your call?

America: *typing* Bad, I accidentally said “I Love You”

~~~

America: lol

England: What is this 2012? I haven't heard anyone say “lol” in years.

America: *internally* Did no one ever teach you to mind your own business.

England: *Laughing his ass off*

America: yesterday you said that something was groovy, what year are you living in, 1980?

England: >:O

~~~

Romano: So I stabbed myself in the leg three times with a pen-

Italy: WHY THE FUCK WOULD YOU DO THAT?!

Romano: Because I was stressed? Anyway-

~~~

Hong Kong: *Vibing to Cabinet Man by Lemon Demon at three am*

Japan: *Bangs on his door* DID YOU OPEN MY MOUNTAIN DEW?!

Hong Kong: wha- WHY THE FUCK WOULD I??

Japan: GOOD *leaves*

~~~

Italy: Illions’s favorite pizza topping is ketchup.

Romano: *Grabs his bat* What the fuck.

~~~

America: TwO tRuCkS, hAvInG sEx

England: What the actual fuck

~~~

Germany: I’m Hyperlexic

Italy: I’m Dyslexic

Japan: Together you are lexic

Romano: You just brought back so many lexia memories

~~~

Russia: I opened his mountain dew

Hong Kong: Why?

Russia: I like to inhale the carbonation.

Hong Kong: *Confused Screaming*

~~~

France: I’m not going

England: Okay

France: *Gets out of the car*

England: I thought you weren't coming?

France: I am now

~~~

Receptionist: Hey lady, so the restrooms are all the way across the building and the others are through the gym

Hungary: Why?

~~~

Romano: I swear to God if one more thing goes wrong today I'm going to kill myself.

Spain: Hey.

Romano: I'm going to kill myself!

~~~

England: *Walking*

America: You look like an NPC

England: What?

America: Now you look like a roblox character.

~~~

Italy: I got an ad for the new pokemon game and I was like “Did that pokemon just turn into a fucking motorbike?!”

Romano: *Mocking Him* Did that person just turn into a present?!

~~~

England: I can’t feel my facial muscles.

France: You can’t because you don’t commonly give people blow jobs.

England: What the heck.

~~~

France: Next person to walk through the door is annoying

England: *walks through the door*

France: True

England: FUCK YOU

France: I know you would you slut

~~~

America: That man was a pedophile!

England: It was the fucking mall santa!

Canada: Truly the most perverted man alive.

England: You too!?

~~~

Romano: Italy I swear to God if you do something more chaotic than you normally do I'm going to fucking choke Spain out.

Italy: Why are you torturing Spain

Romano: Because Spain is just an annoying little brat

Spain: *Getting ready to be killed* Screw you Romano no one loves you

Germany: I'm going to the corn field

~~~

America: is it a hotdish or a casserole?

Canada: a Casserole?

America: Nope, a hotdish

Canada: What the fuck is wrong with you.

~~~

Italy: Anything can kill you if you throw it hard enough!

Romano: *Breaking threw the door* Hey! That’s my line!

France: Anything can be a dildo if you try hard enough! England: You are a fucking disappointment

France: I know

~~~

Italy: This is my favorite picture of Germany!

Japan: All I see is Johnny Deept

~~~

Romano: *Kicking the air*

Prussia: *Grabs His leg*

Romano: *Falls*

Prussia: ‘-’

Romano: HE THREW ME! Prussia: NO I FUCKING DIDN’T

~~~

Russia: I know your mom

America: *Does Not have a mom* What’s her name?

Russia: Umm

America: What’s her name?

Russia: I’m in danger *Laughes*

~~~

Canada: I don’t know football

America: Okay?

Canada: But I know Hockey

America: Why

~~~

Germany: Depressed can be a character trait?

Germany: Hey y'all my name is Germany and I’m depressed!

~~~

Germany: *Making the hand wolves have sex*

Romano: DON’T MAKE THE HAND WOLVES HAVE SEX

~~~

Norway: So Finland gave me two fidget toys

Iceland: ?

Norway: and one of them is this fidget spinner thing and the other one is just a ball

Iceland: Ball, I want ball

Norway: O-okay. *Hands him the ball*

Iceland: *holds the ball* Textured Ball

~~~

Iceland: Hey Sealand, look at this *Shows him screenshots of lexia*

Sealand: Wha- *Starts Crying and screaming*

~~~

Romano: Sprigatito the italian seasoning cat.

~~~

Canada: Mom said that I was her favorite memory and that you were her second

America: *Angry Yelling*

England: I said that because he was the first born!

~~~

America: Hey BrOtHeR!

Canada: What do you want?

~~~

Iceland: I’ll walk home by myself

Sweden: You won’t

Iceland: Watch me *Walks out*

~~~

Italy: when in doubt, know your way out

Germany: what are you planning on doing

Japan: *running* I AM NOT TAKING ANY CHANCES 

Germany: what???

~~~ Spain: Two trucks having sex~

Romano: WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU SPAIN

~~~

England: *Talking about child labor* Look at how dead inside this child looks

England: *Shows a picture of a kid from miss pilgrims home for particular children* Look at how similar they are, so you might say that the kids were ‘particular’

England: *Shows a picture of the kids from the shining* I added that one in there for fun-

America: *turns to Canada* We’re talking about child labor and he wants to make that fun?

Canada: Weird

~~~

China: Remembering the time my boyfriend told me that “Sweet Bod” by Lemon Demon was our love song but in a romantic way.

Japan: and you didn’t break up with him?

~~~

America: You can perform CPR to “Two Trucks” by Lemon Demon

Japan: What?

America: Imagine waking up after CPR and hearing “Two Trucks, having sex”

Japan: What is wrong with you?

~~~

[spacefinch]

Pokemon Incorrect Quotes: Unova Edition

Hugh: *handing out smiley balloons* I have no soul. Have a nice day!

Colress: I don't have one either.

Drayden: Let me see what you have!

Iris: A knife!

Drayden: NO!

Cilan: Fun fact! Blueberries are the only fruit named after a color.

Iris: Star fruit?

Cilan: ♥️ So close! That is a shape ♥️

Colresss: Welcome to physics!

*science project explodes*

*screaming*

Hilda: 🎶 ANNIE ARE YOU OKAY, ANNIE ARE YOU OKAY, ANNIE 🎶

Hilbert: *banging pots and pans*

Hilda: 🎶 ANNIE ARE YOU OKAY, WILL YOU TELL US THAT YOU’RE OKAY 🎶

Teacher: Uh, Cheren, can you read number 23 for the class, please?

Cheren: No, I cannot. What up, I’m Cheren, I’m 19, and I never fricking learned how to read.

Chili: Hi, welcome to Chili's.

Elesa: Hey, I’m lesbian.

Emmet: I thought you were Unovan.

Clay: I wanna be a cowboy, baby!

Alder: Hell yeah!

Clay:  I wanna be a cowboy, baby!

Hilbert: TOMORROW IS HALLOWEEN

Cheren: Why are you guys reblogging this in December?

Hilda: TOMORROW IS HALLOWEEN

Rosa: TOMORROW IS HALLOWEEN

Cheren: It is February, you ANIMALS

Nate: TOMORROW IS HALLOWEEN

Emmet: "Average person eats 8 spiders a year" factoid, actually statistical error. Average person eats 0 spiders per year. Spiders Georg, who lives in cave and eats over 10,000 every day, is an outlier and should not have been counted.

Chili: Oh sorry, I fell asleep while I was waiting on you to make me a sandwich.

Cress: Go back to sleep AND STARVE.

Ingo: Perhaps it is the context in which words are spoken that gives them the power of meaning. *yelling* I LOVE YOU, JOLTIK!

Emmet, banging on pots and pans: I DON'T GET NO SLEEP 'CAUSE OF YOU! Y'ALL NOT GONNA GET NO SLEEP 'CAUSE OF ME!

Hilda: Would you like something to drink? *opens fridge* We have water, milk, juice, Joltiks, Dr. Pepper…

Cheren: Joltiks?

Hilda: Joltiks it is, then.

Cheren: Wait, that’s not what I meant—

But she was already pouring him a brimming glass of Joltiks.

Ingo and Emmet: *in the middle of an intense Pokemon battle*

Hilbert: Can I get a waffle? Can I PLEASE get a waffle?

After said battle:

Hilbert, pointing at the losing Pokemon: He need some milk

Ingo: Road work ahead? Uh, yeah, I sure hope it does!

Rosa (pointing at a flock of Swanna): Look at all those chickens!

Ingo: *filming in selfie mode*

Emmet: (in background) Bop it! Twist it! Pull it!

Colress (grinning): I'M GOING TO JAIL!

Cheren: Tumblr is just talking to yourself but with an audience.

Cilan: That’s called a soliloquy.

Cheren: Found the theater kid. Get em boys.

Iris: Hey OP, how do we know you’re not a theater kid?

Cheren: I’M AN ENGLISH LIT MAJOR, YOUR HONOR

Cilan: Eating chips with chopsticks is unironically galaxy brain. Your fingers don’t get greasy and it lasts for longer.

Chili: Fork

Cilan: Oh, yeah, I’m going to stab my crunchy foods and make them fall apart like an absolute absentminded dunce, fool, clown, jester, like a monstrous moron, an idiot of Shakespearean proportions, a cretin.

Cress: Um, you seem to forget that ‘chips’ can also mean fries. And that’s probably what he was talking about, haha

Cilan: I did not forget anything. I purposely ignore the idea of using British vocabulary to do my part in helping it die out.

Cilan: KNOWLEDGE is knowing that a tomato is technically a fruit.

Cress: WISDOM is not putting it in a fruit salad.

Chili: PHILOSOPHY is wondering if a tomato is a fruit, does that make ketchup a smoothie?

Cheren: COMMON SENSE is knowing that ketchup isn't a smoothie.

Ingo: I went to the store and bought Quick Oats. The next day, my brother came back with Instant Oats. I will not be humiliated like this. I must now find an even sooner oat.

Hilbert: I hope nobody is evil

Ghetsis: >:)

Hilbert: Oh no

Elesa: Don’t post your negativity on a positive post.

Volkner: Electrons

Elesa: I should kick your ass.

Cilan: Being alive is great because there are so many different vegetables you can sauté. But then there are also the horrors.

Cheren: People who say ‘oof’ and people who say ‘bruh’ contribute nothing to a conversation.

Nate: OOF

Hilbert: BRUH

Ingo: Early to bed, early to rise, Burger King burger with Burger King fries

Skyla: Later to rise, later to bed, Burger King burger on Burger King bread

Elesa: Eat at morning, eat at night, I participate in a Burger King fight

Emmet: I slap my knees, I slap my thighs, tonight is the night that Burger King dies

Cheren: I currently have seven empty notebooks and I have no clue what to put in them.

Cilan: Put spaghetti in it.

Cheren: I am currently taking suggestions from everyone except you.

Bianca: Put spaghetti in it.

Cheren: I am currently taking suggestions from everyone except you two.

Nate: Put spaghetti in it.

Cheren: I am no longer taking suggestions.

Roxie: *playing guitar*

*suspicious crashing noises in distance*

Roxie: *plays guitar louder*

Hilbert: Big mood.

Emmet: What does that mean?

Hilbert: Well… it means, me too, I guess.

*the next day*

Ingo: I'm worried about Team Rocket using our subway system.

Emmet: Big mood, brother. Big mood.

Ingo: HILBERT WHAT HAVE YOU DONE

Hilbert: Z is just a sideways N

N: Please stop it

Hilbert: Zo

Elesa: I can't find my earbuds and Target is closed. This is a nightmare.

Burgh: Put a Durant in each ear and they will sing to you.

Elesa: Not a half-bad idea actually.

Emmet: I go to Home Depot

Emmet: I eat the tools

Ingo: Stop it

Emmet: Crumch

Roxie: Is it cheating to teach Toxic to every member of my Pokemon team?

Elesa: Not at all, I'd love to hear them sing it.

Clay: None of y’all know what propaganda actually is, do you?

Hilda: It’s when a British person takes a good look at something.

Elesa: What are you guys going to be for Halloween?

Ingo: Sad

Burgh: Gay

Skyla: Sexy

Emmet: Goblin

Ingo: What if I was evil and ran towards you at very fast speeds

Emmet: My arms are strong, I would catch you and hug you

Clay: Children, this is dirt.

Nate, Rosa, and Hugh: dirt? dirt? dirt? dirt? dirt?

Hilda: Shoutout to all the people who started saying “same” as a joke once in a while but now use it for the most random things like a car honking their horn at another car.

Cheren: Yesterday a book fell off my desk but instead of picking it up, I just looked at it for a second and said “same”

Hilbert: LOL same

Bianca: Why are we like this?

Cheren: Is there anything better than pussy?

Cheren: Yes, a really good book

Cheren: *plays the keyboard*

Hilbert: Who’s the hottest Uber driver you’ve ever had?

N: Ummm… I never went to Oovoo Javer.

*HAS NEVER WENT TO OOVOO JAVER*

Looker: Where’s the best place to buy fireworks?

Hugh: Wouldn’t you like to know, weather boy?

Looker: Where are your parents? Kid’s sketchy, back to you.

Emmet: *screams into jar and then screws on the lid* Everything’s fine.

Cilan: Hi, could I ask how exactly does one accidentally set a lemon on fire?

Nate: Microwave for 40 minutes

Cilan: Why were you microwaving a lemon??

Nate: I read boiling lemons helps cover up bad smells (I wanted to cover up the scent of burnt oranges), but I didn’t own any pots.

Cilan: Did you burn an orange too? How??

Nate: Microwave for 40 minutes

Classroom: *silence*

One of the students: turgle turgle

Cheren: WHO TURGLED

Hilda: Hey everyone, today my brother pushed me, so I'm starting a Kickstarter to put him down. Benefits of killing him would be that I get pushed way less—

Cheren: I get that you're angry, but killing Hilbert is not the solution.

Hilbert: When will Ted himself finally show up to the talk?

Bianca: The final boss

Cheren: Guys, you do realize that TED stands for Technology, Entertainment, and Design, right?

Hilda: I will not let Ted hide behind these lies any longer.

Cheren: I love the word methinks. It’s accurate. Me does think. Thinketh me do.

Hilbert: Methinks therefore me am.

Nate (bragging.): I know every digit of pi.

Nate: I don't know what order.

N: He doesn't know what order.

"Hey besties friendly reminder to drink water, feed your lab Rattata, turn off your evil nuclear generator, change out of your dirty lab coat, go for a walk, and take care of yourself!"

“@evilscientist13”

“@evilscientist13”

“@evilscientist13”

“COLRESS WAKE UP”

“@evilscientist13”

“@evilscientist13”

“@evilscientist13”

“COLRESS THE REACTOR”

(during a game of Uno)

Ingo: Brother, please, no.

Emmet: I’m sorry. I have to.

Ingo: Please, I’m begging you, after all we’ve been through?

Emmet: I’m sorry. [places a draw 4 card] Uno.

N: Any questions before I move on?

Porygon: *garbled electric noises*

N: ... Great. I really understood that well.

Elesa: This is camp.

Ingo: What does camp mean?

Emmet: Like when something is so yass and slay

Emmet: Do you think Joltiks take fall damage?

Ingo: Emmet, what the heck?

*at Drayden’s home in Opelucid City*

The Pokemon streaming service profiles read as follows:

Drayden: “Person who pays for the account”

Iris: “Granddaughter (Free pass)”

Ingo: “Parasite 1”

Emmet: “Parasite 2”

Cheren: How long does someone have to be dead before it's considered archaeology and not grave robbing?

Lenora: As an archaeologist, I find this a VERY AWKWARD QUESTION.

Cheren: Answer the question, grave robber.

Elesa: Carpe diem— seize the day

Skyla: Carpe noctem— seize the night

Emmet: Carpe natem— seize the ass

Ingo: Seriously, if you guys don't stop reblogging this, I am going to carpe someone's neck and break it.

Grimsley: Carpe collum— seize the neck

Cheren: Not all math puns are bad.

Cheren: Just sum of them.

Roxie: There is so much panic right now and not nearly enough disco.

Elesa: Where do bad rainbows go?

Skyla: …

Elesa: Prism. It's a light sentence.

Skyla: *groan*

Hilda: If you don't know the difference between "their," "they're", and "there", your a idiot.

Cheren: Well, this is awkward.

Hilbert: I was born ready!

Hilda: You were born in Nuvema Town.

Hilbert: When I was your age… (tells Hilda something he did a few minutes ago)

Nate: A theif

Cheren: Thief?

Nate: Theif

Cheren: I before e, except after c

Nate: Thceif

Cheren: No

Hilda: (singing) A potato flew around my room before you came—

Hilda, Hilbert, Cheren, and Bianca: AAAAAAAHHHHHH!

Hilbert: I'm nuts about these nuts. But you know what I'm also nuts about? My close good friends!

Hilbert: *gestures to Hilda, Cheren, Bianca, Nata, Rosa, Hugh, and N* My close good friends!

Ghetsis: Remember one time I liked you?

N: No.

Ghetsis: Good, because IT NEVER HAPPENED! *evil laugh*

Cilan: Would anyone like some stew? Would anyone like some stew? Would anyone like some stew?