#heads up: some songs Definitely have some lyrics out of order but I just did that so you guys could get more context

[insistonyourcupofstars]

Daniel "Bleeding Heart" Humphrey: A Playlist

1.) Call Me a Dreamer - Kings Elliot

Overall, this song is entirely Dan. Almost every lyric sticks out as dan-coded, and I feel this song really works for him because of its idealism and dreaminess.

"Call me a dreamer // Call me naive // Like a gun to my head // Caught in a fever // Tryna deceive myself // That you'd stay // When you left"

2.) Arms - The Paper Kites

S5-6 DERENA!!!

"What can I give that is all for you? // My heart's no good 'cause it's split in two // What can I give that is all for you? // These arms are all I have"

3.) Gone - Blake Rose

"So don't tell me when it's over // I don't want to know // I'm done carrying the weight of the world // So heavy on my shoulders// I just wanna feel this love"

4.) So Far - Ólafur Arnolds

S6 Dan is honestly my poor little meow meow. Like, he is pure evil, but he is still my tragic little guy.

"So far from who I was // From who I love // From who I want to be // So far from seeing home // I stand out here alone // Am I asking for too much?"

5.) Call It Fate, Call It Karma - The Strokes

This is kind of playing into the idea of Dan and Serena never truly being able to leave each other, or at least, they have put so much effort into their relationship, that it has to mean something for them.

"Can I waste all your time out here on the sidewalk? // Can I stand in your light just for a while? // I've waited around to wait in a room // Having a hard time watching you"

6.) Mystery of Love - Sufjan Stevens

"Oh, oh woe-oh-woah is me // The first time that you touched me // Oh will wonders ever cease? // Blessed be the mystery of love // Now I'm prone to misery // The birthmark on your shoulder reminds me"

7.) THAT’S WHAT I WANT - Lil Nas X

Bisexual baby just wants love.

"These days, I'm way too lonely // I'm missing out, I know // These days, I'm way too alone // And I'm known for giving love away, but // I want someone who love me // I want someone who needs me // Cause it don't feel right when it's late at night // And it's just me in my dreams"

8.) Wilderness - Jon Bryant

4.17 & 5.17 KISS!

"Stay with me tonight // Let your senses lose this fight // In the open wilderness of love // Let me show you how // You will never be without // So lay your weary hand on mine // And I'll show you who this heart beats for"

9.) Back to the Old House - The Smiths

AAAAHHHH!!! The fact that the loft was once a refuge for the Humphreys and the UES kids, and it became essentially a haunted house; filled with memories of a past life that Dan can never go back to because so much damage has been done.

"I would rather not go // Back to that old house // There's too many bad memories // I would love to go // Back to the old house // But I never will"

10.) Everybody Wants to Rule the World - Tears for Fears

"Acting on your best behavior // Turn your back on Mother Nature // Help me make the // most of freedom and of pleasure // nothing ever lasts forever // Everybody wants to rule the world"

11.) O Children - Nick Cave & The Bad Seeds

Alright, this one might be a stretch, but I still see this as a Dan (+ NJBC) song. Something something their parents left them in a world that was unknowingly built to destroy them.

"Hey little train, wait for me // Was held in chains but now I'm free // I'm hanging in there, don't you see // In this process of elimination"

12.) when was it over? - Sasha Alex Sloane

post s5 dair!

"When was it over for you? // When was it over? // When was the moment you knew // That you were going to walk out eventually // It's still not over for me"

13.) Safe & Sound - Taylor Swift (ft The Civil Wars)

I read this song two different ways: Dan's relationship with Blair, and Dan's relationship with Milo. Honestly, I think I'm more partial to S&S being a Milo&Dan song because of @terrainofheartfelt milo!verse hcs about Dan fighting for custody over Milo, and it makes me want to cry.

"Don't you dare look out your window, darling everything is on fire // The war outside our door keeps raging on // Hold on to this lullaby even when the music's gone, gone // You'll be alright, no one can hurt you now // Come morning light, you and I'll be safe and sound"

14.) I Wanna Be Your Slave - Måneskin

Everytime I hear this song, I think of Dangina. Specifically speaking, this song gives off the s6 Dangina dynamic and I'm living for it. You and I both know that there was a lot of fucking going on during that summer.

"I love you since this morning // Not just for aesthetic // I wanna touch your body // So fucking electric // I know you scared of me // You say I'm too eccentric // I'm crying all my tears // And that's fucking pathetic"

15.) In the Woods Somewhere - Hozier

post!s1 derena/s5 dair breakup

"My head was warm // My skin was soaked // I called your name 'til the fever broke // When I awoke // The moon still hung // The night so black that the darkness hummed // I raised myself // My legs felt weak // I prayed my mind be good to me"

16.) Fourth of July - Sufjan Stevens

ALISON AND DAN HUMPHREY RIGHTS!!!

Listen, I think about them more than I should. But, like... the sheer amount of PAIN that these two share is bizarre. They love each other, but with Alison leaving and Dan taking up a maternal role for Jenny, the resentment built between the two is so fucking sad. And the show never elaborates on it! They go from having a delicious story full of bitterness and resent and love, and then just say "oh, them? nah, they get along." LIKE WHAT?

Anyways, I have strong opinions on Dan and Alison and how alike they are, and I will gladly talk to you about them.

"Did you get enough love, my little dove // Why do you cry? // And I'm sorry I left, but it was for the best // Though it never felt right // My little Versailles // Make the most of your life, while it is rife // While it is light"

17.) Sinking Ship - Wild Child

"Feel like wasting time // Feel like wasting time // Feel like wasting time with you // See the rising tide // Know it's only a matter of time"

18.) Until You - AHI

Much like #1, this song is, in its entirety, a Dan Humphrey song.

" There ain't much I can give // But I'll give you everything // You helped me believe in something // I was one of the wandering // I was empty, lost without a clue // Until now // Until you"

19.) Two Men in Love - The Irrepressibles

I'll give you guys three guesses as to who I am referring to.

"If I asked you now // Will you be my prince // Will you lay down your armor // And be with me forever // Gonna build you up, gonna help you believe honey // We're just two men in love"

[alisonsfics]

his little superstar

pairing: carmy berzatto x reader

summary: you’re a local singer in chicago. the bear crew ends up at one of your shows, and carmy is absolutely speechless the moment he lays eyes on you.

word count: 1.5k

warnings: awkward and bashful carmy that will make you MELT

“Do we really have to go to this thing?” Carmy complained. He had been convinced forced to go out to a bar by his friends. “C’mon, you need to get out. You spend too much in the kitchen screaming at us.” Richie added. So, that was how he ended up in a line outside a bar with Richie, Sydney, Marcus, Natalie, and Pete.

“Isn’t there supposed to be some singer here tonight?” Sydney asked, looking over at Nat.

“Oh, yeah. I think I saw a poster that said that. I saw her here last week. This friend from high school invited me for her birthday. She was really good though. Her songs were great.” Nat started to tell Sydney.

Carmy started to zone out, thinking about all the other places in the world he could be. Once every month, Richie made an effort to drag Carmy to some party or bar. If not, Carmy wouldn’t get out at all. If Carmy had it his way, he’d basically live at the restaurant.

When they finally made it inside the bar, Carmy rushed to the bar to order a drink. He’d barely gotten his drink when Nat and Sydney pulled him over to a high-top table that they found. He was already mentally doing the math on how long he needed to stay before he could leave early.

He was brought out of his thoughts when he heard Nat start cheering. He looked over his shoulder and saw you walk onto the stage. The last thing he was thinking about was leaving early.

He didn’t know what he expected, but you weren’t it. You caught him by surprise, and he felt a smile slowly start to form.

Carmy didn’t realize his mouth was hanging open until Richie elbowed him in the side. “Close your mouth. You’ll catch flies.” Richie teased, noticing the way that Carmy was drooling over you.

“Oh shut up,” Carmy said, rolling his eyes at Richie.

Throughout the show, you made eye contact with Carmy a few times. Every time you met his gaze his cheeks instantly turned bright red.

He stuck out to you.

Most people were drinking and chatting with their friends, blissfully ignoring your presence. Some were silently swaying to the music. Not Carmy. He had his eyes glued to you.

You’d be lying if you said you didn’t playfully bat your eyelashes at him during some of the more flirtatious lyrics you sang.

After you finished your last song, you winked at Carmy before thanking the crowd and leaving the stage.

“Carmy’s got a crush.” Nat said in a singsong voice. Carmy’s cheeks were bright red. Richie slung his arm around Carmy’s shoulders. “Oh, you totally do, cousin,” Richie said, laughing at Carmy’s embarrassment.

“You all are children. I hope you know that.” Carmy said, pulling away from Richie and heading out the front door. He walked outside the bar and pulled out his pack of cigarettes.

He quickly lit one and tried to distract himself from the nagging that was waiting for him when he went back inside.

The stage door beside him swung open, causing him to jump backwards. “Oh, shit. I’m so sorry. I didn’t think anyone would be out here.” The voice quickly apologized.

Carmy looked up and realized it was you. Every coherent thought left his brain. When Carmy realized he hadn’t replied, it was too late to say anything.

You noticed how timid he was. His eyes were glued to the ground, and he hadn’t said a word. “So, did you like the show? I saw you in there.” You asked him, as though he wasn’t overly aware that you’d been watching him all night.

“Oh yeah yeah— it was good. I mean…just wow, you were great.” Carmy said, quickly mumbling through the words.

He was too busy avoiding eye contact to notice the smile on your face. You definitely thought Carmy was cute.

“I don’t think I’ve ever gotten such a raving review before.” You playfully teased him. Carmy finally looked up at you. He was partly shocked he hadn’t scared you away yet.

“Sorry,” he said, sheepishly. You took a step closer to Carmy, testing the waters. He didn’t move away. “Don’t be. It’s cute,” you said, subconsciously twirling your hair around your finger.

Carmy felt like his skin was on fire. You were looking at him. He felt like all of a sudden he couldn’t remember how to breathe.

“I’m Y/N, by the way,” you said, sticking your hand out. He quickly switched his cigarette into the other hand, so he could shake your hand. “I’m Carmy.” He said, giving you a small smile.

“Oh, shit. You’re the guy. The Bear guy.” You said, remembering seeing his name in a newspaper. If it was possible, he started blushing even more. “Yep, that’s me. Have you been? To the restaurant, I mean,” he asked you.

He started worrying about the possibility of you having already gone to the restaurant and seeing him in one of his arguments with Richie.

“No, I haven’t had the chance yet. I don’t know a lot about food. I feel like I wouldn’t be able to truly appreciate it, but maybe if I had someone to teach me and explain it to me…” you suggested, giving Carmy a smile.

His jaw dropped, and his cigarette almost fell out of his lips. “Wait…me?” He asked, feeling like he was definitely in a dream. You giggled at his shock. “I mean, you are the chef.” You said, nudging him.

“Just to be clear, like a date?” He asked.

“That’s up to you, Romeo,” you said, brushing a piece of his hair behind his ear. You watched him shiver as you touched him.

“Can I umm…get your number?” He nervously asked you. You quickly grabbed a pen out of your purse. “Took you long enough,” you said, giggling at him.

You grabbed his hand and quickly scribbled your number on the back of his hand. He stared at it for a few seconds. Carmy was having trouble processing any of this conversation.

“You’re really pretty.” Carmy said, feeling a bit braver but not a lot.

“Thank you. That’s really sweet. You’re also very pretty.” You said, giving his hand a quick squeeze.

Carmy dropped his cigarette and stomped on it. “I should probably go back in. I don’t want to keep you.” He said, starting to walk back towards the front door.

“Hang on a second, pretty boy,” you called after him, stopping him in his tracks. He turned around to face you, confused and nervous. “You forgot something.” You said, taking a few steps towards him.

He instantly checked his pockets. You grabbed the collar of his shirt and pulled him in to kiss you. It took him a second to kiss you back, having to process his initial shock. Once he kissed you back, he was still too nervous to touch you.

“I’m not going to break, I promise,” you teased him. You grabbed both his hands and moved them to wrap around your waist. He tightly held onto your waist and didn’t let go. You pulled him back into the kiss, letting your fingers run through his hair. He lightly hummed against the kiss, causing you to smirk.

You pulled out of the kiss. “You better call me.” You jokingly warned him.

“Don’t think I could forget if I tried,” Carmy said, as you headed back inside through the stage door.

He let out a sigh and raked his fingers through his now-messy hair. “She’s perfect,” he mumbled to himself. He took a few deep breaths before heading back inside.

“Ay, he’s back. We were starting to think you left, Carm.” Nat said, as Carmy rejoined their group.

“Holy shit,” Richie said, staring at Carmy in shock. Carmy froze, having no idea what Richie was talking about. “What?” Carmy asked, cluelessly.

Richie just chuckled at Carmy’s clear confusion. “Who were you outside with?” Richie asked, smirking at him. Carmy’s eyes went wide. “What—uhh what do you mean?” Carmy lied.

“So, that’s your own lipstick that you’re wearing?” Richie asked. Carmy realized what he meant and started furiously trying to wipe your lipstick off his lips, causing the whole group to start laughing. “So who was it?” Nat asked. Carmy refused to even look her in the eyes.

Then, Sydney spotted something on his hand as he tried to remove the lipstick. She grabbed his wrist and flipped his hand over. They all saw your name scribbled on his hand next to a phone number.

“Oh, shit. You got yourself your own little superstar, cousin?” Richie said, in shock.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Carmy said, pulling his hand away from Sydney. Carmy knew what teasing awaited him for the rest of the night. “I’m not gonna lie, I’m impressed. I didn’t think you’d be able to pull that off” Nat teased him.

Carmy wasn’t offended. He also was left wondering how he managed to get your phone number.

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[updownlately]

stars through the window (they light up our disco)

| leah williamson x reader | fluff (just pure softness) | 1.5k | inspo: when you're home by tyler shaw. | a/n: this was supposed to be short and sweet, but it turns out despite my height, shortness is not a strength of mine. if you haven't heard the song before, definitely check it out, it's lovely! and if you have, see if you can count how many lyrics i sneaked in :)

~~~

Your insistence on getting an apartment with huge windows had frustrated Leah throughout your initial apartment hunt. You both were footballers with your lives constantly being the topic of interest of the media and the internet, no hint of privacy in the public world. Leah didn’t want to give them direct access to your most personal moments too. However, when it eventually became a heated topic that the two of you would butt heads on not only during any showing with your realtor, but over meals and downtime, Leah had decided that it wouldn’t be worth the risk of potentially losing you. Plus, she figured she could always purchase a nice set of black out curtains in order to keep away prying eyes. Letting you win, the decision to choose an apartment had become ever so slightly easier (the clear joy on your face had been a good reward too), the pair of you eventually deciding on one that fit all the requirements, a house that was ready to become a home.

And while she wouldn’t tell you this, in this moment, Leah was glad that she had gone along with your terms in that initial disagreement. The both of you were currently in said apartment, a soft playlist filling the room through the numerous hidden speakers in the living room as each of you quietly did your own thing. It was just a little after dinner that you had suggested turning off the lights in the apartment and playing some music to help the two of you relax. Between the flurry of games and practices you both had had, it was safe to say the downtime of the past day-off had been a blessing. 

While you and Leah played together for Arsenal, her duties as a key face of the Gunners’ women’s team and England often led to much of your time spent away from each other. Nights like these, where you got to spend the evening together, gently watching over London as the city began to head to bed, the two of you basking in the presence of each other, contentedly present, were some of your favourites. 

You were laying on the sofa reading, the light of the sunset shining through the near-completely glass wall illuminating your book, whilst Leah was sprawled on the arm chair next to you, the evident sounds of overplayed songs coming from her phone signifying her doom-scroll of TikTok.

It was when dusk started to turn into night, just under an hour later, that you gave up on trying to progress any further in your story, the waning light too faint to make out the words that littered the paper. Bored and missing your girlfriend, you padded over to Leah, gently taking her phone out of her hands and placing it on the coffee table that rested near you. 

“Leah…I’m bored. I was enjoying my book and then the light started fading,” you whined, settling yourself in her lap, arms coming around her neck, head on her shoulder.

Placing a delicate kiss on the exposed part of your neck, Leah pulled you closer, her hands finding home on your waist. 

“How dare the sun set and the day turn to night, hmm? It’s a shame we don’t have any means to light the inside of our home,” she joked, causing you to gently smack her shoulder from where you rested (not an easy feat, given the two of you were positioned lengthwise in the single seat).

“I’m bored. Entertain me,” you pleaded. “Please.”

Tucking her head your shoulder in response, Leah blindly reached for your phone from your pocket, turning up the volume of the music ever so slightly and changing the playlist from your current acoustic covers to one that she had made for the two of you once the device was in her hands.

“I have a few ideas on what we can do,” she smirked, pulling back and meeting your eyes.

Recognizing the glint in your girl’s eyes, you had just leaned in to kiss the blonde, lips merely centimetres away, when Leah deviously decided it was the perfect time to get up and prepare for her little activity. Her hands moved to your thighs to make sure you wouldn’t fall as she picked you up with herself, moving quicker than normal to tease you, your shrieks echoing in the room at the unexpected movement.

Carefully setting you on the floor, Leah made quick work of moving the coffee table to the side, creating room for a faux dance floor in the middle of your living room, as you looked on in confusion.

When Leah turned to you, hand outstretched in the space between you two, the streetlights illuminating her soft smile ever so angelically, you extended your own, intertwining the two, binding the skin of your hands.

You let the blonde pull you into her, stepping into her space, your bodies pressed close together. 

A bashful smile on her face, Leah took a moment to appreciate you, in awe of the way you so effortlessly stood in front of her, a golden glow on your face, no doubt due to the stars shining through the window. (She secretly hoped she’d get this view again, but in a different setting, where hopefully the pair of you would wear white, sunlight streaming down on you two).

Wrapping up her admiring, Leah took note of the perplexed look on your face, quickly choosing to put you out of your misery. 

“Let’s put on a show?” She asked shyly. “Dance with me?”

You couldn’t help but grin at the Englishwoman standing in front of you. It wasn’t rare that Leah let her soft, romantic side show, yet each time, it left you just as elated as the first time. The stone cold captain on the field seemed to turn to mush in your presence, your teammates never failing to remind you both of the way you had the midfielder wrapped around your pinkie.

“Lead the way m’lady,” you winked, smiling lightly to yourself, finally realising that Leah had put on the playlist of love songs she had made for you.

The pair of you slowly danced, swaying to the music as the stars outside faintly lit your disco. Words unsaid, Leah held on to you tighter, slowly guiding you through a waltz and spinning you so gracefully before tenderly pulling you back, impossibly closer to her.

You weren’t one to dance, often joking to yourself that you had two left feet and that any use of footwork was better left on the pitch for you. Yet, here you couldn’t help but follow Leah’s footsteps, trusting her to lead you both, trusting her trust in you. And when Leah looked into your eyes, asking for permission to dip you down, you could only whisper her name, nodding ever so slightly, confident that she’d catch you, knowing for certain that she wouldn’t let you fall, at the very least, not on your own, not by yourself. Whether it be four feet or three on the floor, you knew she’d be there for you, just like she had every step of the way since the start.

As song after song played, the two of you moved delicately around the makeshift stage, eyes and hands not once leaving the other. With each waltz after waltz, spin, and dip, you knew that if paradise was on Earth, it would be here, in your apartment, as the pair of you silently spoke your affection for the other with each second that passed.

And when tired feet led you to sit down, cuddled up on the couch, wrapped in your love for each other, FIFA illuminating the rest of the room, Leah knew that the windows that she hated in the apartment that she loved had grown on her. The way the passing rays lit up your face, bathing you in an ethereal glow was a heavenly sight to see, one that she wished on any and every shooting star that she’d get to see for the rest of her life.

Your shared apartment that had been gently crafted into a home, was nothing but a skeleton, a shell of a safe haven, if it didn’t have the two of you. The love shared between you two overflowing, seeping into the cracks, filling them with delight and affection. As long as it had you both, you knew that it would be all you’d ever need, and everything you’d ever want. The best thing in your lives had only started, a whole future waiting for you ahead. A future full of you two together, coupled with friends and family, and a sky full of love, where life couldn’t get much better than this dreamland turned reality, a present in the night that passed.

[oceansblvds]

void in blue (gojo satoru) — chapter two

pairing ; satoru gojo x reader (suguru's sister)

words ; 2.6k

summary ; you and satoru are forced to spend more time with each other.

warning(s) ; mentions of sex, sexual tension, gojo clan being gojo clan, swearing,

masterlist can be found here !

As if there was some type of cosmic joke that the universe was trying to play on you, your car wouldn’t start the next morning. 

Something, something about the engine being neglected due to your lack of travel, something, something you really didn’t care about. You reluctantly opened up your phone and dialed Satoru’s phone number, hating the way that your voice lit up in order to ask him for a ride. You were going to the same place anyways, and honestly, it was the least that he could do. After all, it was his idea to have you come to the Gojo estate in order to talk to the elders about this whole marriage prospect. 

The sunlight shined ridiculously on the pavement, a testament to just how hot it was supposed to get today. You hadn’t gone outside in so long that even the breeze felt foreign to you, swaying the tree above you as you waited for Gojo to pull up in his car. He was running late, as always, figures that he wouldn’t even be able to muster up the ability to arrive on time to something as important as this meeting. The elders must already hate you and now they were definitely going to hate you more now that you were going to be late. 

Or was that your incessant pessimism speaking? 

After Satoru left last night, you barely got any sleep. How were you supposed to get sleep when you were told that you basically don’t have a choice in your future, that you were to marry someone that you detested? You couldn’t believe that less than a year ago you considered Satoru your friend, and that he felt the same way about you and your brother. Had you been so blinded by the simpleness of it all that you failed to see all the flaws in his character? Had Suguru met the same fate? 

Did Suguru know this was going to happen? That they were planning on marrying you off? You would like to think that he had no idea, but you hadn’t talked to your brother in years. The only things that you knew of him were from secondhand stories, and who knew if those were even truthful. 

Satoru’s black mazda came into view and you were quick to open the passengers door and head inside. There was a song playing in the background as you two sat in silence, something you didn’t know the lyrics to but thanked for its ability to stall your thoughts. That’s all that you tend to do these days — think. It was nice to get a reprieve. In all honesty, you were starting to get sick and tired of the four walls of your apartment and watching the world from the outside. Sure, the Gojo estate wasn’t that far and you wouldn’t be there for very long, but it was something. Some type of normalcy in a world that didn’t make sense to you anymore. 

“Are you okay?” Satoru finally asked, his tone laced with a certain apprehension. You could tell that he was trying to keep the waters calm, to not try and make you angry like he had done last night. Which, you realized, was pretty easy to do for Satoru. Even when the two of you were close, he had a way of getting on your nerves. Whether it be from his recklessness to his spontaneity, or the fact that he simply liked to make you mad when you were younger. Pick on your best friend's little sister was his favorite game, and you fell for it every single time. No matter how many punches he earned from Suguru, he would always tease you. He never meant it in earnest. 

You stared out the window, looking at the passing cars on the road. “Do I look okay?” 

“I know that this is difficult, so you can stop acting like I’m the bad guy here.” 

“Difficult doesn’t even begin to cover it,” You muttered. 

A sigh left his lips, one that made you turn your attention towards him. “I never wanted this for you,” Satoru admitted quietly, his eyes fixed on the road ahead. “I always knew that they were going to make me marry someone, but I always thought, I don’t know, it would be to someone who I didn’t know.” 

Silence fell again, heavy and suffocating. The type that you hated. You didn’t know that about Gojo. You always thought that he didn’t care about what the clan had to say about his life. And maybe he didn’t, but that didn’t stop from the responsibilities that loomed over his head for being the strongest. It was something that had been drilled into his head since he was a young child. A part of you thought that maybe it was good that you were chosen, so that someone else didn’t have to take the position of being his wife. What better person to use than someone who didn’t have a family to interject or a place in this world? No one knew Gojo better than you did, despite the fact that you wished otherwise. 

No one alive, anyway.

“Do you even care that I don’t want this?” You asked, clenching your jaw. 

He shrugged nonchalantly, keeping his eyes on the road. “Does it matter?” 

Does it matter?

“Of course it matters,” You snapped. “This isn’t some game, Satoru. It’s my life.” 

Satoru glanced at you, for only a brief moment of time, a hint of amusement dancing in his eyes. “Well, technically it’s both our lives now,” He said, as if he was trying to make a joke. “But isn’t it exciting? Marrying the infamous Satoru Gojo?” 

“You’re insufferable,” You muttered, turning your gaze back to the passing scenery. 

Satoru chuckled softly, a sound that you found irritatingly charming. “You’ll get used to it.” 

You were about to say something else, but you were stopped by the car coming to a halt. A tall, ever so imposing black mesh fence was in front, the grounds to a large estate across the way. The trip to the estate was over, all that was left was for the two of you to be cleared to go inside to face the elders. 

———

Whatever attempts that you thought that you could have at destroying this entire idea of marrying Satoru Gojo was out of the question the minute you stepped into that room with the elders. It made you cringe to even think about; them talking to you like you were a child and how you needed to get over yourself for the greater good (of course, they would never outright say that, and used rather pretty words to get the point across). There seemed to simply be no way to get out of this, and so, now you were trying to come to terms with even the slightest idea that you were to marry your brother’s killer. They’d made comments about how you and him used to be close, and perhaps yes, there was a point in your life where marrying Satoru wouldn’t be the end of the world. 

There was even a point in your life where you could say that you felt some sort of romantic feeling for him. You could remember the day vividly, when you were begging Suguru to let you hang out with him one evening as teenagers, or to at least take you out so that you could buy something from the convenience store. You claimed that it was because you wanted to spend time with your brother, not because you wanted to see his handsome best friend as he sat on the edge of Suguru’s bed tossing some type of sugary snack into his mouth. Suguru acted like it was the end of the world and it was Satoru who told you that he would accompany you to the convenience store. He even paid for your copious amounts of gummies that you grabbed, mumbling something about how he would take one of them for compensation later. You could remember your stomach flipping over by the way that he looked at you, all grins and bright eyes behind his dark circle sunglasses. He had to lean down so that he could talk to you, saying how he was two years older and it would be rude of you to be mean to your brother's best friend. 

Things were so much simpler then, well over ten years ago when you didn’t have to worry about anything other than practicing the perfection of your cursed technique, nothing like what you worried about now. 

The idea of marrying Satoru got easier with time, although you could still argue that spending this much time with him was going to give you a headache. 

Even now a few days later from that meeting with the elders, as you and him sat down on your kitchen island with bags filled with sushi dinner, you couldn’t help but be annoyed by the way that he was so blatantly perfect. 

After everything that happened, how was he so damn perfect? 

The two of you had spent the last few days together, at least trying to make being in each other's company somewhat bearable. Most of it was spent getting food, going for walks, and watching whatever the two of you decided to agree on after at least ten minutes of arguing. He always wanted to watch some stupid funny movie or a rom-com, something that you hadn’t given yourself the pleasure to watch since Suguru’s passing. It was like you weren’t allowed to be happy after he was gone, like it was some sort of betrayal towards him. 

It was weird. Though you wouldn’t outright say that Satoru’s company has been nice, there was something good about spending time with someone rather than being locked up in this apartment alone. You could feel yourself beginning to seek his company when he left late at night, or how you would sit at your phone waiting for a text from him to schedule the next thing. His approval never meant so much to you as it did now, like how last night you beamed after he told you ‘good job’ for choosing a movie that actually wasn’t ‘depressing and sucky’ as he liked to put it. 

You tried to say that it was because you were lonely. 

Nothing else.

“You have to try the unagi roll from this place, best I’ve ever had,” Satoru commented, snapping you out of your autopilot of thoughts and movements from trying to rationalize whatever this was you were feeling towards your husband to be. He sat down at the counter and took the rest of the packaging from the bag, setting it down between the two of you and snapping his chopsticks to use them. There were other things in between the two of you too, other types of sushi and a tiny mix of desserts — as per Gojo’s request. 

You gave a nod, sitting down next to him and leaning over to grab your own pair of chopsticks, deciding to get lost in the food rather than your thoughts. There was really nothing wrong with eating your feelings, and with Satoru’s insistence on only the best places, this food was top tier in your eyes to absolutely stuff your face with. 

For a while, there was silence due to how hungry the two of you had been. It was better that way, that way you could focus on the food and not on the way that his eyes glowed as he pushed another roll into his mouth, or how his tongue darted out to lick up some of the sauce that was at the corner of his mouth, or how his hands grabbed at the edge of the counter while he idly scrolled through his phone. 

“What are you staring at?” 

Your eyes widened, realizing that you had been stupidly staring at him for over two minutes now, your chopsticks long gone on the edge of your plate that you couldn’t even make some type of food comment to get out of it. Damn you and your small appetite during this point in the day. “Nothing,” You spoke, turning to face the counter and grab the lid for the box of the stuff that you didn’t finish. “Just thinking, that’s all.” 

Satoru’s hand came in contact with your shoulder and you felt as though you were on fire. Such a contact shouldn’t have meant that much to you, it was just a touch. Although, coming from him, it felt like more than that. He moved you so that you were looking in his direction again, your knees brushing against his own regardless of the fact that he towered over you in height when the two of you were standing close to one another. “What’s on your mind?” 

You. 

A part of you wanted to think of something snarky, anything to get him away from you so that you could have at least a little bit more solitude than this. But then his hand moved down from your shoulder to your knee, his thumb tracing a pathway between your knee and his own. A blush coated your features, one that you were sure he was able to see because of the lighting above you. If he did notice, he was doing a good job of making it stay. 

You shook your head. “I — it’s really, nothing, Satoru,” You said, trying to come up with at least some type of excuse. “Just tired is all, I haven’t been out this much in weeks and I guess I just spaced out.” 

“Do you remember that time you and I went to the convenience store without Suguru?” He asked, almost as if he was reading your thoughts. There was no way that he could be asking this, not when you were just thinking about that moment, how pretty you thought he had been that night when you definitely shouldn’t’ve been. “That was the first time that we hung out together alone, all because Suguru didn’t want to go with us. He always hated going out after curfew.” 

You thought that Suguru’s name coming from Satoru would’ve made you angry, although it did the opposite, you felt somewhat honored that he was talking to you about him in such a normal way. Like he was still here and loved. “I remember,” You said, your eyes coming up from his hand on your knee to his own, seeing that he was already looking at you. “You made me give you my favorite bag of gummies. Seems like you were still an asshole then.” 

“They’re my favorite too. And plus, don’t act like you didn’t skip the entire way there behind me because you got to go with me,” Satoru joked. 

You fake gasped. “That was not the reason, I was just happy someone was willing to come with me.” He was seeing right through your lies. 

“I almost kissed you then,” He stated, almost as if it was the most normal thing in the world. You didn’t even believe it, how could someone like him want to kiss you? He was older, your brother's best friend, and he could have anyone that he wanted. He was obviously just trying to get under your skin. 

You laughed. “Bullshit. You would’ve just done it to piss Suguru off. And it would’ve worked.” 

Satoru gave you a look, one that looked right through you right to your soul. The grin on his face faltered, like he hadn’t expected you to laugh in his face about it. 

He was being serious. 

Your eyes widened, and just as you opened your mouth to say something, he interjected with, “You’re right. But anyways, did you want to pick the movie or should I?” 

You were so fucked.

[makeitmingi]

Cause Baby You’re My Muse [Chapter 7]

Genre: Romance, Idol!AU, Music, Slight angst

Pairing: Mingi x Reader (y/n)

Characters: Producer!Reader, IdolLyricist!Mingi, IdolProducer!Hongjoong, Idol!Seonghwa, Idol!Yunho, Idol!Wooyoung, Idol!San, Idol!Yeosang, Idol!Jongho, cameo(s) by other celebrities

Summary: You always preferred producing underground, having an unknown face and governed by your own rules. But when you start freelancing for idol groups, you say goodbye to your lone wolf lifestyle as you learn to work with idol producers and lyricists.

Word count: 3.2K

*Chapter warning: Mentions of Mingi’s anxiety and hiatus

You leaned forward, a slight frown on your face as you were deep in thought. Your nose pressed against your interlocked fingers. There was no sound other than the song that has been playing on loop for the past 3 days. It was the only thing you knew now, apparently. 

*DING DONG DING DONG DING DONG DING DONG*

“Ah! Coming!” You shot up to your feet, wondering who was ringing your doorbell incessantly and repeatedly. You opened the door to see Wooyoung and Seonghwa there.

“Oh, it’s you guys. What’s up?” You blinked in confusion. From what you knew, there was no meeting with them today. 

“What’s up?! You have been uncontactable for almost 2 days! We almost filed a missing persons report!” Wooyoung cupped your cheeks as he yelled.

“By ‘we’, he means just him. The rest of you guessed that you were working.” Seonghwa clarified. 

“Sorry to worry you, Wooyoung. But I’m okay, I’ve just been here in my studio.” You gestured to your studio. You invited them into the space and only then did you notice the bags in their hands. 

“We brought you some snacks that are easy to consume while you’re working and drinks that you can stock in your mini fridge too. Working hard is important but you have to take care of yourself, Indigo.” Seonghwa smiled, placing a hand on your forehead, checking if you’ve fallen ill without even realising. You nodded your head obediently. 

“How long has it been since you’ve gone home?” Wooyoung asked, spinning around in your work chair. You shrugged, going to get your phone to check the date.

“3 days, apparently.” You blinked, even you were surprised.

“Just how have you been surviving here?” 

“I use the shower facility that’s in the gym. And I specifically requested for my couch to be a pull out bed.” You explained. The boys looked at you in shock, unable to comprehend how you have been living in your studio.

“Please don’t tell me the last time you had a full night of sleep was at home.” Wooyoung said and you looked away. When you were working, sleep just becomes something easily forgotten.

“Indigo, that’s very bad. You need to sleep and eat properly in order to work.” Seonghwa chided. 

“I know... I just wanted to finish my track.” You whined slightly. Sleep deprived you was definitely a lot more childlike. 

“Do you want me to tell Hongjoong?” He threatened. 

“No, please don’t tell him! He’s gonna nag at me...” You complained. Seonghwa put his arms around you to pat your back. You leaned into his strangely comforting hold, almost falling asleep standing up. Skinship was really something you have grown accustomed to from the boys.

That’s the reason Wooyoung brought Seonghwa with him. Everyone knows how Seonghwa takes care of Hongjoong, who is always busy doing things and taking care of the others, Wooyoung wanted Seonghwa to care for you too. 

“Is this the song San and Mingi recorded the guide for?” Wooyoung suddenly asked, pulling you away from almost entering dreamland. You nodded your head with a hum. 

“Can I?” He gestured to the computer.

“Sure. But it’s not finished yet.” You agreed. Wooyoung sat on your chair while you sat with Seonghwa on the couch. 

Soon, the soft drum beat introduction played and then San’s soft voice filled the room. You softly sang along to San’s lyrics, having listened to it repeatedly for the past few days. Then Mingi’s part came. 

“It’s a good song.” Seonghwa said, patting the back of your hand.

“Yeah, I really like it! This is what you’ve been working on? It’s really amazing, Indigo ah.” Wooyoung nodded excitedly. 

“Thanks but it’s not perfect yet.” You yawned, rubbing your eyes. When it came to music, it had to be perfect in your eyes and ears. Now, there were still some things lacking. 

“I don’t really know how to explain it. I just listen and know that it’s not there yet. There’s no specific part or section that needs changing... Ah... How do I say it? It’s just not at the level that I envisioned it to be.” You scratched your head as you tried to explain your thoughts to them. Seonghwa understood though, after listening to Hongjoong. 

Just like the movie night, you didn’t know at what point of the conversation with Wooyoung and Seonghwa that you just fell asleep. Your head was leaning comfortable on Seonghwa’s shoulder.

“Don’t move, hyung.” Wooyoung cautioned.

“I wasn’t going to.” Seonghwa replied in a whisper, his body stiff as a board. Wooyoung took your folded blanket from the basket and draped it over you. 

“Do you want to put her on a pillow instead?” Wooyoung asked, not wanting Seonghwa’s shoulder to hurt too. 

“No, it’s okay. She looks like she doesn’t want to be disturbed.” Seonghwa’s eyes cast to you. You were fast asleep, unaware of the conversation that was going on between the two. 

“This is cute.” Wooyoung took hisphone out to snap a picture.

“Ah, Wooyoung ah.” Seonghwa clicked his tongue in disapproval as he lifted a hand to shield the rest of your face, in case you didn’t like being photographed. Wooyoung just giggled and smiled, sending a copy of the photo to Seonghwa.

“This and Hongjoong hyung’s photo looks like you both finally got the daughter you wanted.” Wooyoung snickered, referring to the photo Hongjoong posted the day you were twinning outfits with him. The others teased it to look like a father and daughter more than a siblings photo. 

“I’ll get comfortable.” Wooyoung sat on the solo arm chair. He wasn’t going to leave his hyung alone and he definitely didn’t want to disturb you. 

“We can try to switch later, hyung.” Wooyoung said.

“No need, I’m comfortable. Don’t you have any schedules today?” Seonghwa refused. Wooyoung shook his head. He stood up for a second to dim the lights slightly, guess it was nap time for them as well. 

Your eyes slowly opened as you woke up, suddenly aware of your surroundings. You leaning against something... or someone.

“Seong-” You covered your mouth, noticing that Seonghwa was fast asleep. Your eyes widened in embarrassment, how could you fall asleep on someone?! 

“Wooyoung?” You whispered but realised that he was asleep as well. Hitting yourself on the forehead, you made a mental note to stop falling asleep around these boys. It was so embarrassing. 

As carefully as you could, you stood up and adjusted the blanket over Seonghwa’s body before shuffling over to your desk. You sat down in your seat and put your headphones on to resume working. Looking at the time, you realised you had been sleeping for close to 3 hours. But thanks to the little nap you had, you were feeling energised and refreshed. 

“Let’s do this.” You whispered to yourself and started working again. From the clicking of your keyboard, Seonghwa woke up. He saw the back of your head as you worked.

“Indigo.” He went to you, tapping your shoulder.

“Oh, Seonghwa. I’m sorry I fell asleep on your shoulder, I seriously should stop doing that around all of you.” You bowed deeply and profusely.

“What are you saying? Don’t apologise for that. I’m glad I could bring you comfort to sleep properly, even if it was only for a few hours.” Seonghwa smiled, putting a hand on your head. 

“And it’s okay to sleep around us, its means you trust us, right?” He chuckled.

“I guess it does...” You nodded in agreement, not giving anything else away. You felt safe around them, enough to let your walls down.

“Promise me you’ll sleep in your own bed tonight?” He bent down to meet your eyes. You nodded your head.

“Good. I’ll get Wooyoung and leave. Don’t work too late and make sure you eat. I’ll check and make sure.” Seonghwa lectured. You nodded and reached out to hug him, it was the best way to express your gratefulness.

“Thank you.” You said softly. 

“You’re welcome. You have to take care of yourself.” He reminded. After that, he helped you fold and keep your blankets before he woke Wooyoung up to drag him out of the studio. Even half asleep, Wooyoung smiled and waved to you as Seonghwa guided him away. You laughed and waved back. 

“Where were we...?” You got back to work, picking up where you left off. Things were going a lot smoother, you made minor but good edits to the track that made things better. 

“Done for the day!” You cheered. It was time to go home and have dinner like you promised Seonghwa. 

After packing your laptop and small items into your bag, you took the bus home. It had been 3 days since you’ve been outdoors. When you arrived home, you put all your used clothes into the laundry and showered.

“Need to go get groceries.” You made a mental note as you looked at your almost empty refridgerator. But luckily you could still make a meal out of it.

‘I’m eating like I promised! - Indigo’

You sent Seonghwa a picture of the simple fried rice you had cooked for yourself as proof that you were eating.

‘Good job! - Seonghwa’

As you sat down, you realised how you had no emotional attachment to this house. It was a place for you to sleep, eat and shower but you could do those things at other places. That’s why you didn’t miss it despite being away for a few days. While you watched some Ateez show, their chaotic laughter filling the silence of the apartment. 

“Aww, poor San.” You giggled as you watched him pout from being teased by the other members, namely Wooyoung. Their television personalities were really the same as their real life personalities. 

*BZZ BZZ*

‘Hey, are you still at the office? Up for some late night coffee? - Mingi’

You were shocked, not expecting a message from Mingi. Eating the last mouthful of rice, you placed the bowl in the sink before replying.

‘Not at the office but I would definitely love some coffee now. Are you sure you can go out this late though? - Indigo’

‘Of course, no early schedules tomorrow anyway. If you would like to rest, we can go another time. I heard from Seonghwa hyung that you’ve been working the past three days. - Mingi’

‘It’s all good. I would love to have some coffee now. Plus, I was able to nap for a few hours. - Indigo’

‘Alright! I know this place a lot of celebrities go to so it’s discreet and 24 hours. I’ll forward you the address and see you there? - Mingi’

‘Sure, see you in a bit! - Indigo’

“How do you dress for late night coffee runs?” You asked yourself as you stood in front of your closet. In the end, you went for a hoodie and black sweats, which was similar to what you wear to the studio daily. With a black cap and mask, you wore your shoes and left the house.

Since the weather was nice and cool, you checked the directions and walked to  the cafe with your headphones on. The cafe wasn’t brightly lit on the outside and the blinds were all drawn.

“Hi. I’m looking for someone.” You said to the waitress. The backings of the booth tables extended to the ceiling, granting privacy to each patron table.

“Indigo.” You leaned and saw Mingi waving to you to get your attention. You bowed to the waitress and went to the table.

“Hey.” You slid onto the seat opposite him. While he didn’t wear a mask, he had a cap on as well. He was a lot more dressed down, which wasn’t necessarily bad. He looked a lot more relaxed in his grey hoodie and loose jeans. 

“Thanks for meeting me on such short notice.” He rubbed the back of his neck with a sheepish smile.

“Well, thanks for inviting me.” You giggled. 

“Let’s order first.” Mingi called the waitress over. You ordered an iced latte and Mingi had an iced americano. While you waited, a nice silence fell upon the two of you. For some reason, it wasn’t awkward at all. 

“So how’s the song coming along?” Mingi asked you, breaking the silence. You started to tell him the whole process and how you’ve been working on it for the past 3 days, which is why Seonghwa and Wooyoung had to come. Both you and Mingi shared stories and talked about your own personal work progress, like Mingi’s lyric writing process.

“Ah, I so get that!” You let out a sigh, ducking your head when you realised you might have been too loud. Mingi smiled at your reaction. 

“But honestly, even the lyrics you wrote for the guide were good. I told you not to put in so much effort!” You giggled. Your laugh was infectious, making Mingi laugh too.

“How can they be good? I just pulled them out of nowhere.” Mingi defended.

“Maybe you just have that god given talent, Mingi ah.” Even if your mask was covering your face, Mingi could see your soft smile. And the way you called his name made him feel so warm on the inside.

“What... god given talent? Indigo... Honestly, it’s just getting over those hurdles. Every project has those.” He said.

“That’s true. I’m grateful Seonghwa and Wooyoung came by today. Not having to think about work and resting really cleared my mind. It cleared that block and when I had to get back to work, things went a lot smoother.” You said.

“Don’t overwork too much. Your work should not come before your health. If you fall ill, you won’t be able to work for an even longer period of time.” 

“I know, I get nagged at by Seonghwa and Hongjoong.” You complained.

“That’s part of being in the Ateez family. Getting nagged at and scolded by the two parents. I admittedly am not one of the good kids so it’s normal for me to get scolded by Hongjoong. Just ask Wooyoung, he gets in trouble a lot too.” Mingi snickered.

“So I’ve heard.” You giggled as you remember Hongjoong and Yunho telling you. You stirred your drink and slipped the straw underneath your mask to take a sip. Mingi chuckled and took a sip of his own drink. 

“Oh, also. Thanks again for giving me a new mask and everything the other night. I panicked when I woke up without my mask.” You said.

“No need to thank, whatever makes you feel more comfortable around us. And I promised I wouldn’t say a thing, that includes helping you protect your identity.” Mingi said firmly. 

“You have all been very kind in helping me adjust and adapt to the new company.” You stated. 

“I think you’ve integrated well into our group and get along well with everyone. Knowing how you overwork, the others and I, we’ve all started to worry about you and your health.” Mingi told you.

“You do...?” 

“Of course. You’re one of us now. We take care of each other.” Mingi smiled. You nodded your head slowly, staring at empty space in front of you as you absentmindedly stirred your drink. Mingi watched your expression before boldly placing his hand over yours. 

“Did I... say something wrong?” Mingi looked at you with concern and worry. You shook your head.

“Not at all.” You denied. You tried to piece your words together to explain to Mingi properly, wanting to alleviate the worry he had on his face. He never rushed you or spoke, giving you time to think.

“Hmm, how do I say this? I guess I’m not used to having people care for me. I’ve always lived my life as an individual.” You tried your best to explain. 

“I understand.” He nodded his head.

“The industry is not very kind and welcoming to new people so it’s always been me, myself and I.” You shrugged. 

“The industry is tough so I don’t blame you for wanting to build a wall around yourself. There are always critics waiting to take advantage of you and knock you down.” Mingi spoke. You hummed in agreement, sipping your drink. 

“When it was announced that I was taking a break because of anxiety, people didn’t believe it. How could someone with 7 group members, thousands of fans, have anxiety? They’re on top of the world. But the fear before stepping on that stage never goes away. One wrong move and you’re out.” You noticed Mingi shaking and reached over to put your hand over his.

“Mingi...” 

“Your fall from grace can happen at any time. And you’re expected to just deal with it and move on.” He confessed.

“I’m sorry you have to deal with all this. It must be hard.” You squeezed his hand. Mingi looked up at you with a crooked smile, yet the eyes conveyed the bitterness he felt. 

“It was hard but I’m learning to deal with it. I’m grateful my member take care of me and help me.” 

“And now you have me too. Like how you said I can lean on you, you can lean on me too. We take care of each other.” You spoke softly, quoting his words from earlier. After the drinks were done, Mingi insisted on walking you home.

“But it’s in the opposite direction. Plus, it’s late. I can go on my own.” You tried to convince him. But he shook his head, walking in the assumed direction of your apartment. 

“Come on, slowpoke.” He turned around and grinned.

“Fine.” You sighed in defeat. Luckily, you didn’t live too far away and the streets were empty at this time of night. 

“This is me.” You stopped downstairs of your apartment. You would have invited him in but after 3 days of not being home, the house was rather messy and it was late, you didn’t want him being out alone for too long. 

“We should do this again some time. It was nice.” You said. Mingi nodded in agreement, he was glad you enjoyed yourself and wanted to do this again. Before he left, he wrapped his arms around you tightly, his much taller frame towering over your smaller body. 

“You don’t have to keep everything bottled up. You can count on me.” He whispered. You closed your eyes, wrapping your own arms around him. 

“Thank you... You too.” You spoke, muffled against his jacket. It took a lot more will power for Mingi to pull away. It felt nice to hug you and for some reason, he didn’t want to leave. 

“Let me know when you get home?” You tilted your head as you pulled away. 

“I will. Goodnight.” He waved and you did the same. Mingi waited for you to go up before making his way back to the dorm. 

You made your way into the house and leaned against the door. You slid down to sit on the ground, thinking about tonight. You learnt a lot about Mingi and the two of you let yourselves be vulnerable around each other.

~

Series Masterlist

[aprilclementine]

Steve and Robin sneaking away every other weekend to a bar in the city, that's very accepting of their lifestyle, plus the drinks are cheap and fruity, there's live music once a month, and they've never felt so free.

One weekend the two go up because a friend they made on one of their many trips is raving about the live music they'll be having on Saturday. Robin begs Steve even though it's only been a week since they were last up there, and Steve agrees reluctantly. The two pile into Steve's car after work, and make the drive.

When they arrive they immediately feel underdressed. The energy in the bar feels different, and it's definitely not the usual crowd. The two share a confused look, not thinking too much of it before, making their way to the bar, shoving past lots of leather and chains. They order their usuals, and fall into easy conversation.

A cute girl approaches Robin, so Steve keeps to himself, listening in on their conversation when he can. Steve isn’t eavesdropping, honestly, he’s making sure the girl will meet his standards for his best friend. "My name's Nancy, I manage for the band that's playing tonight," Steve remembers hearing very clearly. He looked over at the girl, with her shoulder length, head of curls, a few pieces being held out of her face with clips, she wore a leather skirt, with a band tee tucked in. Steve read the name "Corroded Coffin'' across the top of her shirt, and suddenly his interest was piqued.

He leans over Robin, catching the girl's attention. "Did you say you're the manager of the band playing tonight?" Steve asked.

The girl nodded with a proud smile. "Mhm, they pulled out quite the crowd, I scoped this place out a month ago before I booked them, this isn't their normal scene." Steve and Robin nodded in agreement doing another once-over of the crowd gathering near the small stage. "They don't look much like your guys' style either. You guys stuck out like a sore thumb," Nancy had said with a small laugh, looking over Steve and Robin's clothing. "What brought you guys out here? Or did you get caught in the middle of this." She had inquired.

“Word to mouth," Steve had answered simply.

Robin continued, "A friend we made here called and raved about who was playing tonight, didn't tell us the genre, we just like live music. We love a good show."

Nancy nodded, sipping her drink before speaking again, "Well, Eddie sure does put on a show." As if on cue, she nodded towards the stage, Steve looked over, and saw the hottest man he thinks he has ever seen. Long curly hair, a band shirt similar to the girls, but his was cropped, the tightest jeans in the entire club, Steve is sure.

Steve couldn't even think straight as the man approached the mic, a wide smile as he greeted the crowd, and Steve was a goner once he saw that dimpled grin.

Steve got up mindlessly, leaving Robin and Nancy to continue talking, moving with the crowd as the band played through their first song. It was definitely different from the music Steve was used to, he didn't know if it was the music he was captivated by, or just the man performing it.

Steve moved closer and closer to the stage, as if the man on stage had some magnetic pull on him. Before he knew it, Steve was at the front of the crowd, not letting his eyes leave Eddie on stage, by their third song Steve is sure Eddies noticed him, not sure if the heat he feels rushing from his neck to his face is from the alcohol in his system, or the man's intense gaze.

Before their last song, Eddie addressed the crowd, announcing they were doing a cover of an ACDC song. Steve nodded along as if he knew who ABCD or whatever they called were. Eddie was putting his all into this last song, throwing his head back as he belted out some of the lyrics, taking his mic off the stand, and dragging the cord along, as he moved to the edge of the crowd, swinging his electric around to his back. Steve could feel his breathing stop as Eddie was now in front of him, singing to the crowd over Steve, rocking his entire body along to the music.

Steve was frozen in place, not being able to do anything but look up at Eddie from where he stood at the end of the lifted stage. Steve's breath hitched when Eddie looked down at him, Steve could see something in his eyes, asking for something, so Steve nodded pathetically.

Eddie gave him that same smile, before he cupped Steves face with one hand, slotting his fingers through Steve’s hair, pulling roughly so Steve was craning his neck, Eddie leaned down, pressing his forehead against Steve’s, their noses touched and the only thing separating their lips, was the mic as Eddie sang the lyrics into Steves flushed face.

"Let me put my love into you, babe! Let me cut your cake with my knife!" Eddie sang the chorus with a wicked grin, giving Steve's hair another rough tug, as he pulled their faces apart, and finished the rest of the song from the middle of the stage.

Steve's ears were ringing, as his body went into autopilot, moving away from the stage as the song ended, making his way back to Robin at the bar.

Robin had a goofy smile on her face, Nancy still seated next to her. "Enjoy the show, Stevie?" Robin teased. Steve nodded, still trying to bring his mind back to reality.

Nancy laughed from beside Robin, "I did tell you that Eddie is quite the showman."

—

hiii enjoy another short blurb from my drafts because I have so many wip’s rn

(bonus: robin thinks this was a “planned attack.”

"That was a planned attack-" "Robs, what-" "No no Steve listen, she said we stick out like a sore thumb, so we are easy to notice, out of all the people she comes to in the bar its us, normies, and then her band, the one person that gets any attention from the leading man, is literally the only other normie here!"

"I say, they saw us from backstage, we piqued their interest, I mean of all the people sitting by us, she came to talk to me! She-" "Robs, thats ridiculous." "Oh, is it, Stevie? So, tell me why she left to meet with them after the concert? Hmm? Thats right, probably to meet with Eddie and fill him in on the state he left you in-" "Or, and hear me out, she has to, I don't know, manage the band shes in charge of?" "No, too simple." )

[slightlystupidhun]

Niente

Part 1, part 2, part 3, part 4, part 5

A band AU I’m writing! Sorry if it’s bad! There is no magic in this universe, just music! @puffin-smoke did an amazing Redacted Band AU that you should check out too!

TW: mentions of grooming and substance use and abuse, Quinn

Niente; To nothing; indicating a diminuendo which fades completely away…

Tank walked into the Jazz club and sat down at one of the tables near the front of the stage. They ordered themself a coffee and sat and waited for the Vampz. Thats when they saw the band walk out. They had heard quite a bit about the band and had done some research which is how they could tell who some of the members were. The keys were played by someone who went by the name of Vincent. He seemed charismatic and he was pretty handsome. Their drums were played by a spitfire named Lovely who had a great groove. They had two horn players, one named Bright Eyes and the other named Fred. They had a lead treble vocalist named treasure and a bass clef vocalist named Porter, treasure would also play lead guitar and occasionally Porter would play Sax. Then the last member walked onstage and Tank felt heat rise up to their cheeks, he was an attractive man, more rugged. He was their bass player named Sam. They were infatuated by his brown eyes and his dressy flannel.

The first song they played was an original of theirs called “Turn Your Love Around. It was funky and groovy. Many people in the jazz club got up and started dancing. Porter had a good smooth voice. Tank couldn't help but move their head to the beat a little and give a soft smile. They completely fell into the song as the They were grooving and very inspired. The minute the chorus started their world exploded. The trumpets, the dancing. All with the added bonus that the entire band sang parts of it with Porter really inspired them. As soon as they sang the lyrics “Turn your love around!” They had found their new favorite song, They also could have sworn they made eye contact with the Bass player.

The next song they played was their song “What You Won’t Do For Love.” Tanker absolutely loved this song. Its vibe was unmatched and they absolutely fell into it. The lyrics were so enthralling and the instruments really encapsulated the emotion. They took a sip of their coffee. Oh they definitely had to come back to this club again.

The next morning they were making coffee, alone in their kitchen, they started humming the song waiting for their coffee to brew. Before they knew it they were doing a mini little dance and singing. “Turn your love around, Don't you turn me down, I can show you how, Turn your love around!” They didn't even realize the entrance of David and the individual whom he was seeing. He called them Angel and they had been around the house quite a bit. Tank thought they were funny, and very good for David. Anyways they hadnt realized they had intruders until they turned around, their coffee now freshly made and starring David in the eyes. He had a lazy smile on his face and his arm around his partner. “Oh- Fuck…”

“Thats a good song, never heard it before… Did you write it?” Angel spoke up, their eyes gleaming.

“No! I uh… I just heard it at this jazz club I'm going to. Lasko suggested it so I went there to drink coffee and listen to some good music.” They knew they were over explaining but they felt it was necessary.

“Is this place safe? Should I go there with you?” David said his features hardening a little bit.

“No… Its fine, its a good environment…” Their cheeks heated up as they thought about the bassist that they definitely didn't want David to see them drooling over.

“Thats great! Oh and super cute dance moves by the way!” Angel beamed up at them and they let out a groan.

They found themself going to this club every wednesday to listen to the music, have a good coffee, and eye fuck the bassist. Wait, scratch that last part. They were not doing that. They just liked to appreciate good looks and talent. Yeah. Thats all. Today they even brought out the upright bass as they played a Louis Armstrong and Duke ellington classic, “It Don’t Mean A Thing.” They sipped their coffee as they listened to the swung rhythm and tapped their foot to the beat.

The next song they performed was Dinah Washington’s “What a difference a Day Makes.” Treasure has a glorious voice that they had grown to swoon to. It was so gorgeous and smooth and they loved every line.

As the music came to an end and the next band went on they decided to stay for a little longer and get themself a coffee. The barista knew them well at this point.

“Glad to see your Bassist today?” He asked. They both loved and hated Guy. He was funny but he had this terrible habit of cracking the wrong jokes at the wrong time.

“Shut it Guy.” They glared at him. “He’s not my bassist and I am pretty sure he doesn't even know that I exist. Besides, a guy in a band can mean no good for me.” They sighed.

“I wouldn't say that he doesn't know about you. And besides he is a good man. Quiet, stubborn, sometimes a bit of an old soul…” Guy continued on.

“Isn't he only 23?” Tank questioned at the mention of him being an old soul.

“Only 3 years older than you.” He smiled at them, “Happy belated Birthday by the way.” He slid them the coffee.”Speaking of the Devil, brace yourself.”

Before Tank could react a man was at their side. A very familiar man. It was Sam. Oh God were they blushing, they were blushing. Crap. They decided to just drink their coffee. “Sam this is Tank, Tank this is Sam.” Guy said as he left to go take more orders. “I think you guys would make great… friends.” Then he was gone. Guy just left them with Sam.

“Hi, Nice to finally meet you.” Sam said Drinking the tea that Guy left out for him.

“What do you mean?” They said looking at Sam.

“Well I’ve noticed you coming to our shows for the past three months. Just thought I’d say ‘Hi.’” He shrugged.

“Oh, I didn't think you would notice.” They looked at him being completely honest.

“Of course I'd notice.” He looked at them and smiled. “Besides I have to admit that I am quite the fan of yours… I saw you play at the D.A.M.N concert and I have to say you were pretty fantastic. Been checkin out your music since then… Its pretty good.” He said, his thick southern drawl igniting something deep inside of them.

“You like my- our songs? You’ve… wow, that's.” They paused, clearing their throat. “That’s cool… Which one is your favorite?”

“Hmm, ‘For What It’s Worth’ Is definitely one of my top picks…” He said, he was really contemplating this question. Tank was surprised he chose this song as one of his favorites. This was one of the first songs they ever wrote. It had a special place in their heart and he definitely wasn't lying about liking their music. “Gold Dust Woman…” He said, finality in his tone. He really seemed to like this song. “The harmonies just blend so well together, and the way the instruments tell the story with the vocals, it's just amazing. Also the lyrics hit close to home…” He smiled at them. They knew that they hadn't written this song, David had, but the fact that he liked any song they performed made their cheeks flush. “So… you’ve been listening to us for a while… Do you have a favorite of ours?”

“That's so difficult! I mean they’re all so great!” Tank said running a hand through their hair trying to think of their favorite. “The first song I heard of yours was Turn your love around so that one will always have a special place in my heart. However, I think Cry Me A River hit close to home. I definitely can't get it out of my head.” They ran their finger along the rim of their coffee cup.

FLASHBACK

“Thanks for meeting me here, Precious.” Quinn gave Tanker one of his signature smiles that before now would have melted their heart. Now it simply pissed them off.

“What do you want? And be fast, I have somewhere to be.” They checked their watch as they leaned against the railing of the bridge they were on.

Quinn did not like being rushed, even worse he hated when people seemed disinterested in him rather than fawning over him. He leaned in closer to them. “Well I asked you to meet me here Precious because I just hate how things ended between us. You know how sensitive Vega can be.”

“No. I don’t. Still looking for a bassist?” They asked knowing that it would push his buttons. They now took to examining their nails. He gritted his teeth and pulled out a box of cigarettes. He offered them one.

“Want to smoke with me?” He titled the box down to them.

“No thanks. I don’t smoke anymore.”

“You don’t do a lot of things anymore. You’ve changed. Someone has changed you haven't they? Listen, you cannot still be mad at me for what went down.” He tried to sound sweet but to them it was just suffocating.

“I’m not mad, just not stupid. I don’t have to be mad at you to not like you.” They smirked at him. “Is that all you had to say?”

“I want you back, Precious. You were a great thrill to have around and without you life is boring. Besides you need me don’t you? I mean who will give you as much fire, passion and talent as me?”

“I don’t need you. You don't miss me at all. You miss having a play thing. You don’t really feel things quinn and I believe that with my whole heart.” They said standing up and beginning to head back to their bike.

“That's a shame. I hope everything ends well for your one friend's partner… The stagemanager one, you know the one dating Lasko.”

“What do you want Quinn?” They turned, their eyes deadly.

“I want you to give me one night to prove to you that you need me. Or they can kiss their job goodbye.” He smirked at them as he shoved his hands in his pockets.

“If anything happens to them Quinn, I'll beat your brakes off myself and feed you to starving lions for fun.” They headed back to their bike.

“This isn't the end, Precious.”

“I know. You need me.” They spat back at him driving off.

END OF FLASHBACK

“Hmm That's one of the ones I wrote, quite some time ago.” Sam said with a small smile as he took a sip of his tea.

“Well then you’re something of a lyrical genius.” They smiled into their coffee cup.

“Thank You Darlin.” He said, his southern drawl thick. They knew there was nothing behind the pet name but they couldn't deny the way their heart started racing. Still they shrugged it off.

“No problem.” They had now finished their coffee. They looked at Sam again as they heard his name be called from across the jazz club.

“Sam! Stop flirting and get over here! We wanna go home!” It was Fred yelling out. Vincent smacked him on the back of the head as the rest of the members slightly chuckled. Porter, though, was too busy trying to mess with Treasure to realize what was being said.

Sam sighed heavily and shook his head, grabbing his tea. “I hope to see you around again.” He offered Tank a soft smile. They smiled back at him and waved as he walked off.

________

Turn Your love Around- George Benson

What you won’t do for love- Bobby Caldwell

It Don’t Mean a Thing- Louis Armstrong/Duke Ellington

What A Difference A Day Makes- Dinah Washington

For What It’s Worth- Buffalo Springfield

Gold Dust Woman- Fleetwood Mac

Cry Me A River- Ella Fitzgerald

[my-castles-crumbling]

cas review of ttpd?

Ah yes! I am finally ready!

Cas's Review of TTPD that Two (2) People Asked For (so now you all get a fucking essay)

Literally, this is growing to be one of my favorite albums. Like...I appreciate Taylor most for her lyrics and I wrote down seven pages of them in my notebook of lyrics that fucking killed me. I feel like it's a more mature version of folklore, which is exactly what I was hoping for.

I really liked the promo for this album- the lyrics being spread, the phases of grief, the entire thing was so well-done. And the double album drop left me literally screaming.

I feel like the order of the songs on the album is also super well thought out. It really tells a story and I could feel her going through the phases, especially in the first half of the album.

I thought it was cool that she definitely took some risks in the album, but most of them landed 1000%. So many of the cool things done with the lyrics, melody, and tempo were amazing and kept me interested.

I'm gonna start by listing the more specific things I didn't like because there's only three:

In the song "Fresh Out The Slammer" during the outro, the change in beat was very jarring. I LOVED the rest of the song and it just ruined it for me

Florida!!! was...a choice. I get it. The concept of going away somewhere after a breakup to get over it is great. But Florida? Like...c'mon. Also "fuck me up Florida" made me cringe.

The line in "I Hate It Here" about racists...god, I have two minds about it. I don't think there was winning with that one, and I think people are going to tear her apart for it without taking it in context. Like when you take it in the bigger picture of the song, it makes sense. But when you take it in just the few lines...it feels a bit like it's trivializing the fact that literal slavery existed during that time? So yeah. I go back and forth...

And now a song ranking and my feelings about some of the songs:

Guilty As Sin? - This song has been in my head ever since I heard it. It's perfect, it's everything.

I Can Do It With a Broken Heart - This is giving DBATC (favorite taylor song) vibes and I am so in love. It destroyed me.

Who's Afraid of Little Old Me? - This is an ANTHEM. This will be screamed in the shower. This is so powerful.

But Daddy I Love Him - This was just so nostalgic. Like it gave Fearless Taylor and I loved it so much. Also the jumpscare fucking SHOOK me.

So Long, London - This was like a companion to You're Losing Me and god, it was amazingly hurtful.

loml - I just love slow, sad Taylor. and the twist at the end? ugh

I Hate It Here - Questionable line aside, this song was 15/10 relatable as a fanfic reader/writer

imgonnagetyouback - I feel like this will be a single.

The Prophecy - ouch

The Alchemy - Awww, so cute!

I Look In People's Windows

I Can Fix Him (No Really I Can)

The Albatross

The Smallest Man Who Ever Lived - god she CAME for this man.

The Black Dog

Down Bad - I also feel like this will be a single

Fresh Out the Slammer

How Did It End?

My Boy Only Breaks His Favorite Toys

TTPD

Cassandra - hahahaha whoops, we're coming for Kim again?

thanK you aIMee - and again? that line about her mom was AMAZING

So High School - adorable

Chloe or Sam or Sophia or Marcus

Fortnight - she and Post Malone work so well together

The Bolter

The Manuscript

Peter

Robin

Clara Bow

Florida!!

What do you all think?

[shou-jpeg]

-Back on the Beat-

Part 4. 04

Porchay can’t stop looking at Kim. 

Kim is sitting at the piano in the studio, humming tune Chay sent him earlier and adapting it for piano. 

He looks so beautiful. 

Kim looks amazing even on his worst days, but right now he’s ethereal; in his element and with a soft flush to his cheeks, as if he knows Chay is staring at him. 

He probably does know, Kim is observant and Chay isn’t being very subtle. 

Though... he’s been trying to flirt with Kim for two weeks now and Kim seems to let every attempt fly over his head. Chay would think he was being intentionally obtuse to let him know that he wasn’t interested, except Kim is the one who told Chay he wanted to try again. So Chay isn’t too sure what to think. 

Does Kim just have some sort of flirting detection force field? 

Maybe he’s just shy? Chay had thought that Kim was shy last time he tried this - maybe that was true. 

Chay wonders if he should just ask Kim out point blank and save them both the trouble. He did tell Kim that he would let him know when he was ready to try again, Kim might be waiting for something a little more specific. 

He wants to know if Boyfriend-Kim is also shy.

“I think this part would make a good prelude, and then the lyrics come in later over the top and the music builds from there, maybe a drum track and a bass to add depth.” Chay snaps back to the moment at the sound of Kim’s voice. 

Right. The song. 

The one they’re now composing together. 

Co-writing. 

Co-writing for a new WiK single, because Kim got inspired by what Chay had sent him and then asked him in the car on the way here if he wanted to help him make it into something real.

Chay dreamt of exactly this on a regular basis back when he was just a fan, except it means so much more to him now. 

“It should be soft though. The drum beat should be slow but steady, like a heartbeat, and the bass will then support that same energy.” Chay picks up his pencil and begins scribbling down dot points as he talks.

“What kind of song are we writing here? We should probably decide on a theme to help guide the composition.”

“Definitely a love song.” Chay says with confidence. Kim looks at him. “I’m imagining a love song, but for a person that the singer already knows. They’ve been in love before and then were torn apart and didn't see each other for a long time. And the song is about them finding each other again and rediscovering their love for each other.”

Chay really isn’t being subtle. 

Kim looks back to the piano, expression open and vulnerable. "In that case... perhaps the beat can pick up pace a little towards the bridge, to reflect the subject's emotions as he begins getting closer to his ex again." Kim says, and then begins talking about measures and other technical terms Chay isn’t that familiar with, since he’s never actually studied music theory. 

He loves watching Kim talk about music though. 

Chay is almost doodling hearts in his notebook. 

He considers his pen for a moment. Then draws two hearts in his notebook anyway, because it’s cute and he likes being a romantic.

They stay at the studio composing late into the night, until Porsche messages Chay telling him he missed dinner, and that Nok, the bodyguard assigned to him today, needs to finish his shift and also have dinner. 

Chay makes Kim order enough food at the drive through on the way back to feed both of them and also Nok, who reacts like Chay’s given him something a lot nicer than cheap take out. 

“I’m never allowed to eat stuff like this anymore!”

Chay makes a note to sneak his guards junk food more often. 

The rest of the drive back is quiet but not uncomfortable. Chay selects different songs to play over the car’s bluetooth and glances at Kim each time the song changes to gauge his reaction. 

They pull up to the compound and Chay hops out of the car. “Should we go back to the studio again tomorrow, P'Kim?”

Kim looks down at his phone, bringing up his calendar. “I have a meeting tomorrow morning until 10am. How about I pick you up for lunch and we go to the studio after?”

“Sounds good! I’ll see you tomorrow.” Goodnight, phi. Kim smiles at him softly and Chay tries not to melt. 

He closes the car door instead. Kim’s smiles are only slightly less devastating through tinted glass.

He waves goodbye as Kim pulls away and heads inside. It’s late, but he might stay up a little longer and play some video games, or to make some memes for Kim. He kind of wants to keep working on the song, but he doesn’t want to do any more without Kim around. 

It’s their song now.

Chay smiles to himself. 

He can’t wait until tomorrow. 

---------------------------------------

Chay takes a deep breath, determined.

< Prev - Next >

First

Playlist

[b0nes-mcgee]

It’s time for music headcanons with the batfam, bc if I don’t get this out of my head and onto page, I’m going to implode.

Fave first, Dick is definitely a indie pop/indie rock kinda boy. Not just because I identify with that, but also bc he gives me those overly energetic, bubbly vibes, that I feel like only come from Grouplove, Vampire Weekend, and Adam Melchor. I also feel like he’s a Mitski and Boygenius kinda bitch, bc ough, boY, he has angst. Said angst can only be expressed through sad girl music, bc he will die before he ever expresses his feelings about anything to anyone.

NEXT we have Jason, I think he’s an emo ass boy, ngl, but specifically like folk punk. He listened to twin sized mattress one time, broke down crying, and hasn’t looked back. Also things like The Mountain Goats, PUP, or Modern Baseball. Ugh, I could make a whole ass playlist for this boy. If he’s with other ppl, I think he’d play something more mainstream of the emo genres, like Arctic Monkeys or The Strokes.

DAMIAN, I THINK, IS COMPLICATED. So, for one thing, he grew up in a weirdo environment, where they probably never listened to music, and if they did, it was “”tasteful”” music, for rich ppl. That, or it was culturally significant. So, I think I’m his exposure to music after moving in with Bruce, he started just absorbing absolutely all the music he could. Like, he’s an everything enjoyer. His spotify liked songs are a minefield, bc one second it’ll be playing Chet Baker, next it’s Viagra Boys, then some country shit, then Chopin, and then it’s Lil Nas X.

BABS, I think, would be a folk music/sad girl music enthusiast. She really likes Ryan Adams, Phoebe Bridgers, Hoizer, Mitski, etc. It’s something that she and Dick bonded over when they first started dating. I think with her, she appreciates the calm/slightly sad music bc she lives in a rlly crazy world, and she just wants to meditate a little when she’s sitting at that desk all day, trying to keep her family and friends alive.

Timmyyyyyy is a Kpop enjoyer. Sorry, I don’t make the rules. Specifically, he probably likes SEVENTEEN or ATEEZ a lot. He actively tries, every day of his life, to not stan any of the members, but it’s rlly hard when he’s had two hours of sleep in the past week, and Yoon was just really cute in that last interview. I also think he’s really into trap and pop. He knows all the lyrics to every recent song on the top 100 list.

Duke, I think is really into R&B. I think he’s amenable to pop/rock/rap, etc., but he really just wants something to belt out. Common occurrences are finding him in the kitchen, making an omelette, singing Amy Winehouse at the top of his lungs. If u catch him doing it tho, he gets rlly shy. His guilty pleasure is theatre music. He has to bribe his family to go see Little Shop of Horrors with him.

Stephanie has a 2000s-2010s pop addiction. Anything that makes her feel like Hannah Montana is her SHIT. She’s out here blasting Bubblegum Bitch and early Taylor Swift. You also can and will find her crying to sad One Direction songs. When she’s moody, she will unironically play My Chemical Romance. She understands pop punk a lil bit, but the lyrics tend to get male-manipulator-y, so she sticks with the bands she already knows.

Alfred likes 50s/60s jazz/pop. Frank Sinatra, Chet Baker, etc. It reminds him of home, and of his family. He also really likes old French music, like Joe Dassin. I’m ngl, I don’t know old music enough to add more to this one, but u get the idea 😭

BRUCE. Ugh. He’s definitely the kind of dad who never moved past the music of his childhood. He firmly believes that the Beatles is the best band of all time, and no one can convince him otherwise. I think he tends to gravitate towards the rock/goth end of 70s/80s music, so things like the Cure, New Order, maybe a lil bit of Siouxsie and the Banshees. His goth phase was INTENSE, Alfred can attest to this.

Edit: HOLY SHIT I CANT BELIEVE I FORGOT CASS 😭😭😭

Ok, Cass is defo a similar situation to Damian, grew up with literally silence, so music is a super new thing to her. But I think she really enjoys all kinds of genres. I think that especially instrumentals get her, bc it’s just noises that she can focus on, no lyrics to distract her from the sound. I think she also likes to “sing” along to said instrumentals, but mostly it’s just making noises to the same beat and sound, but it’s very off-key.

[queermediaanysis]

I’m late to the Hazbin Hotel stuff, but I’ve binged it a few times recently and just have to say that I’ve never seen an abusive relationship that looked so much like mine portrayed so correctly (as in both accurately and in being completely condemned by the narrative) as Angel and Valentino.

I’ve seen a little of the discourse on this and I’m gonna add my thoughts under the cut.

Gonna start by saying 1. I was lucky enough to get out of my eight-year long abuse/DV situation in 2019 and I’m safe and okay now 2. I know everyone’s experience is different and I’m specifically talking about my experience of being in a long-term abusive situation and don’t mean to diminish anyone who’s experience with SA/DV was different than mine and 3. this is all high praise for what the show did, because it may not sound like it at first because it is legitimately hard for me to watch, especially the first time through.

I’ve realized I’m probably rambling out of order at this point and I apologize to anyone who’s chosen to read these words I just had to shout into the tumblr void but oh well.

Yes, I read the trigger warning at the beginning of e4. I braced myself because that one is typically fine with a heads up for me, but I still wasn’t prepared. I barely made it through that first watch because it didn’t warn about the DV tied to the SA. I’d already barely made it through the scene in e2 where Angel Dust is listening to voicemails from Valentino because jfc it’s so painfully accurate. I heard some of that stuff verbatim from my abuser. Word for word exactly the same.

The other part that’s accurate is how self-destructive Angel is as a coping mechanism and his reasons why. “If I end up broken, maybe I won’t be his favorite toy anymore. And maybe he’ll let me go.” It’s. So. Accurate. To my experience at least, which is one that looked a lot like their whole relationship.

“Loser Baby” is absolutely fine with me. Because again, it’s so accurate. Having someone sit with you and say “hey, I clearly see that you’re not being treated right no matter how hard you try and fake things, and that you’re at rock bottom and not doing good things with the ways you’re dealing with that, and I’m here for you anyway” is what pushed me to finally leave. My now-best friend who at the time was my co-worker who’d just been hired a few months prior is the one who said it to me. He saved my life in more ways than one and I’m forever grateful for it. I’ve read a few things saying the song was calling Angel a loser in a victim blaming way, and that’s not how I took it at all. Admitting how much things suck, saying that aloud, including the ways I’d changed for the worse was crucial for me in the process of leaving and trying to heal afterwards.

“Poison” wasn’t even the part that was difficult to watch for me, even though those scenes are (mostly) what earned e4 the trigger warning at the opening. But the lyrics hit me hard. “My story’s gonna end with me dead from your poison.” I lived this for years. I can’t overstate how much this was the reality of my experience. I thought that was how things would end up for me. I didn’t think I’d have a way out from this person who was both hurting me and making me the absolute worst version of myself possible. I was so sure I’ve of those two things would eventually be the end of my story. I’m very very lucky it wasn’t and I’m grateful for the resources I had that let me leave when I could.

This was a whole lot of rambling to really just say I’ve never felt so seen and respected by the representation of abuse in a piece of media. Maybe it’s because I’m coming off feeling weird about things in OFMD2 and withholding saying any on that because reasons. But I can definitely weigh in accurately in the abuse plot line in Hazbin and it’s all praise from me. Would I have avoided watching it if I’d have known how big of a plot line that would be? Yes, probably. I would’ve at least read spoilers ahead of time to try and gauge it. I nearly stopped it a few times because I wasn’t expecting it to be so painfully close to my own experience and shown so blatantly instead of being implied off-screen.

But am I glad I watched it? Absolutely. Mostly because the narrative so clearly frames everything as capital-b Bad. And I’m grateful they showed what they did how they did, and even more grateful and that the narrative (which is specifically working with a major, prominent, surface-level text theme of redemption/redeem-ability) frames Valentino as an irredeemable villain for his role as the abuser, while also giving Angel Dust three-dimensions in his own flaws that he’s responsible for. It’s done flawlessly imo. And I’m glad I watched it, even though it was hard.

[holdmytesseract]

Hey :) can i request a drabble with Daryl and the song "Moodswings" by 5sos: "I think I need you more than you need me" ... thank uuuu :)

a/n: I love this song! 🥰 Thanks for requesting, kind nonny! 😄 I hope you like what I wrote! ☺️

Warnings: bit angst, grief, mentions of death, fluff

Set in Season 9!

Word Count: 1042

Tagging: @km-ffluv @stitchintimefan @sweetpeapod @loz-3 @peaches1958 @fictive-sl0th @lou12346789 @bookofsecretjourneys

Lyric-Drabble-Mania Masterlist

Based on this song:

Demons

You took the two plates, filled with the piping hot soy bean stew from the small, makeshift counter of the food distribution in Hilltop in your hands and gave thanks, before you made your way across the small path, leading towards the trailer you shared with Maggie, Rosita, Sasha and Daryl. It was a very chilly evening, so the hot plates in your hands warmed your skin up.

Arrived at the trailer, you opened the door with your elbow and stepped inside. "I got some more food." You announced with a soft smile, before placing the plates on the small table, at which Maggie and Rosita already sat. "Where's Sasha?" "Finished eating already. She went to lay down." Rosita answered, taking another spoonful of the stew. "Oh okay..." You shoved one plate in front of Maggie, who stared aimlessly at the wall across. Your heart ached so much for your friend. Losing Glenn on such an excruciating way was horrible. "Maggie, hey..." You addressed your friend softly. "Eat something." She shook her head. "Not hungry, thanks." "I know, but please... You've got to eat something... It's important for you - and the baby..." Her gaze lifted, glassy eyes meeting yours. You tried to give her a reassuring smile, placed your hand on her arm, giving it a squeeze. In the end, she nodded, taking the spoon in her hand. Then you looked around the trailer, noticing that somebody else was missing... "Where is Daryl?" Rosita shrugged her shoulders. "I saw him leaving the trailer earlier, but I don't know where he went." "Oh, um, okay... I, uh, will go, look for him. He needs to e-" "Glenn's grave." Threw Maggie suddenly in. "He's at Glenn's grave. I saw him there." You swallowed hard. "Glenn's grave?" "Yeah." "Okay. I'll look for him. Thanks, Maggie."

You took the plate with the stew back in your hands and left the trailer again, in order to find your boyfriend. You made your way over to the two graves, put there for Glenn and Abraham. Maggie was right. Daryl sat on a stone beside the graves, chewing on his bottom lip and fumbling with his fingers nervously. The sinking sun casted a soft orange light on him; the cold evening breeze rustling his long hair. You could tell just by the look on his face and gestures, that he was deep in thoughts. So, you approached him slowly, in order not to startle him - what didn't really work out well in the end....

"Hey," you whispered, placing your free hand on his shoulder. Although, you were slow and gentle, you felt his body jolt underneath your palm anyway. "Shit, sorry. I didn't mean to scare you." You apologised immediately and sat down beside him. "'S okay." "Here, I've got something to eat for you." Daryl shook his head, shoved the plate towards you. "'M not hungry. You eat it. Need it more than I do." He stared back into distance, leaving you frowning. Yes, something was definitely wrong - and you had a guess... He had been this way since he returned from the Sanctuary. He was even quieter than usual. Yes, he almost seemed... absent-minded from time to time.

You placed the plate on the grassy ground and took his hand instead. "What's wrong? Is it about... Negan? What he did to you?" Daryl didn't answer for a moment, just fiddled with his hands again, before he nodded meekly. "You want to talk about? You don't have to, of course." Daryl shrugged his shoulders. "I dunno... 'S not jus' that..." You just gave him a compassionate look, leaving him the option to talk further about what was occupying his mind - or not. Daryl swallowed hard, visibly fighting the tears. "It's my fault." You knew instantly what he was talking about... The line-up. Negan. Glenn's death. "No, it's not your fault." He nodded, sobbing. "It is." You started to shake your head, brushing a few strands of his wild curls out of his face. "It's not. This isn't on you, Daryl. I know, this may sound cruel, but... He would've killed Glenn anyway. And if not Glenn, then anyone else." Daryl looked up to face you, teary blue-grey eyes meeting yours. "Wha' makes you so certain of that?" You swallowed hard. "Do you really think Negan was going to stay true to his word and kill just one of us, after everything we've done to him? To his men?" You shook your head once again. "He's a cruel man. Unforgiving. He wouldn't have left it by just one. I know it." Daryl looked away again, facing the ground and taking a deep breath. "Shoulda been me instead, not Glenn." An audible gasp left your lips at his words. "What? Daryl, stop saying such things... He did enough to you. Tortured you. Physically. Mentally." "But it's true, innit? Glenn was 'bout to become a father, Y/N... And I-" He stopped abruptly in his sentence. "And you what?" You asked with a shaky voice. Of course, your heart ached and bled for Maggie. Glenn was one of your dearest friends, family. You missed him more than anything, but... You couldn't have lived longer on this god forsaken, rotten world, if Negan would've chosen Daryl instead. It would've ripped you apart.

Daryl leaned over, rested his forehead against yours. "Yer strong. Ya can live and survive without me." You scoffed, lifting your hands again to cup his cheeks. "No, absolutely not – and we both know that. I think I need you more than you need me. You can easily survive without me, but I? No… My heart couldn't live without you, Daryl. It would die and decay... You are the survivor. I'm just lucky I've got you – and the others." Now he was the one who scoffed, but he also couldn't suppress the small smile on his lips at your loving words. "How do you do that, woman?" "Do what?" You asked, giggling softly. "Make me smile, even if I ain't got a reason ta smile." You giggled again, pecking his lips. "Love, Daryl, love." The archer smiled even wider and leaned in to kiss you properly. "Negan is going to pay for everything he did. I promise."

[autisticempathydaemon]

Hey hi hello!!! How are you today?

I was wondering if I could get a match up?

What song are you fixated on at the moment? What lyric or verse, and why?

I can't stop listening to Brand New City by Mitski since last week. I just really like the emotion in her voice. I also really associate myself with the line "if I gave on being pretty I wouldn't know how to be alive". So that's that.

What is your Enneagram type?

7w8, used to be a 9w1.

Do you love gargantuan Youtube video essays, and if so, which is your favorite and why?

I dooo! I really like enjoy video essays about linguistics and mental illnesses as well

Tell me about your childhood imaginary friend.

I never really had an imaginary friend. I mean, I remember being annoyed at my shadow for copying everything I do, but I don't think that counts.

I actually didn't have any friend untill I went to school. I was always okay playing by my self.

Though I do remember making little scenarios in my head while playing on the playground; one of them being me as Harley Quinn trapped in jail while Joker saves me (I was obsessed with Harley Quinn as a kid, okay..)

What is your go-to way to fall asleep?

Rambling asmr.

If you had to change your name, what would it be, and why? (In tandem, if you have changed your name, why did you pick that one?)

I'd like to pick a name that sounds nice in most languages, since mine doesn't.

Maybe something like Eleanora with Nora as a nickname.

What is your favorite of Redacted’s audios, and why?

I can't pick one so I'll say "holiday decorating with your boyfriend but he's a chaotic mess" and "listening in on your crush's thoughts". These are the audios that really made me smile like an idiot. They don't really have anything to do with the plot yet they're still my favourite.

What Redacted boy holds no appeal to you, and why? Like, not the one you hate but the one who you don’t get the hype for. (I won’t judge, I promise.)

Hot take but...David. It's just...idk man, I usually like the tsundere type put sometimes I feel like David is too rude. I enjoyed his first audio but the rest...idk man. I like angel a lot tho. I myself a lot in them, but David is definitely not the type I'd go for. I'd probably feel really annoying and unloved with a guy like him 🤷‍♀️

Tell me about that one book/movie/tv show you know all the words to.

"The spy next door". I watched it waaaaaay too many times as a kid and I sometimes still do.

Which Redacted boy are you platonically attracted to? Like- forget dating, which dude do you want to be your best friend?

Asher!!! He seems like so much fun dude. He also reminds me a lot of my friend.

Do you have a go-to thing you ramble about when you’re tired, and if so, what is it? (For example, my boyfriend knows I’m ready to sleep when I start talking about space.)

I start rambling about 'what if' scenarios. Like what if I was born a year later? What if brother hadn't been born? What if that one time at the cafe I didn't order my usual drink?

Stuff like that.

Tell me your go-to gas station and drink combo.

Idk I can't drive...😔

Chocolate and banana milkshake is my go to drink tho.

Tell me about your favorite playlist at the moment. 

All my saved songs mashed up...

What’s your guilty pleasure media, and why?

Harry Potter fanfiction.... hear me out okay... I know it sounds...bad.. But damnit some of the fics are just too good.

Other info:

Idk if this is important or not but my mbti is ENTP-T and I'm also very short (5'1). Do what you must with that information...

Thank you!!

The combination of your personality traits gives me the impression of an extroverted, strong-willed person; they’re giving Smartass, you know? This combined with your preference towards tsunderes makes me think you’d be a good match with Aaron.

I can get what you mean about David being “too rude”; in contrast, Aaron’s certain brand of tsundere reads more playful? Like, he grasped early on when the attitude isn’t serving him or when to tone it down which is why I like him better for you. Also, the fact that your chosen name would be Eleanora and his brother’s name is Elliott, the fact that both his most loved people in the world could be called “El” is just really cute. That’s kismet a little bit.

Your life with Aaron would be such a dream (though that’s any life with Aaron, I will admit.) I can clearly imagine him making you your favorite milkshake every Saturday morning to start your weekend right (even though I can see him personally hating it /lh something about his vibe tells me he hates chocolate and banana together but not as much as he loves you). I can see him asking you about the fanfic you’re reading- not because he cares about Harry Potter (he doesn’t particularly) but because he likes to hear you talk about it. Also, your not being able to drive is fun because he’s an excellent driver, and don’t we all dream just a little bit of having to be a passenger prince(ss)? /lh

Song:

I just don't wanna miss you tonight/ And I don't want the world to see me/ 'Cause I don't think that they'd understand/ When everything's made to be broken/ I just want you to know who I am

One, that last line is very tsundere-core, that sentiment of “I don’t need the world to know or see me as long as I have you”. Two, this song is such a classic, and it matches the alt, rock, grunge vibe that Aaron gives me. I think he likes this song and genre a lot.

Runner-ups:

In addition to giving me Smartass vibes, your personality types also remind me of a more extroverted Damien; because of this, Huxley would be a cute runner-up for you. To do a total one-eighty, your mention of considering What If’s means I just have to give you Echo as a runner-up okay heaR ME OUT-

Read this post and send me an ask if you’d like a match-up of your own! 💌

[tellthemeerkatsitsfine]

Earlier today I posted about John Robins' Chortle blog from the 2007 Edinburgh Festival. This made me remember that we do have other records of him around that time, when he sat in with Jon Richardson on the BBC 6 Music radio show while Russell was in Australia. And he was a guest on the Jon Richardson Show a few times, post-Russell's departure, in 2008-09. All of which I of course re-listened to a little while ago, because I've been following his other podcast/radio/TV/stand-up things alongside the radio show in chronological order, and those were rare examples of stuff from before the XFM chronology. So I listened to it a while ago, but was reminded of it today by those Chortle things, and as a result I now have a terrible song stuck in my head that I need to tell people about.

On the BBC 6 Music show in January 2009, they played a song off what they referred to as his "album", and I was surprised I hadn't heard of that before. John sometimes talk about how he was in a few bands when he was young, but they all sound like very, very low-level things that did a few student gigs but wouldn't have released an album. I had no idea there was a John Robins album out there.

They then played the song, and it was really weird. It was clearly a joke, but it wasn't really comedy. I mean, I guess it's technically comedy. But it didn't seem like enough of a joke to justify how bad it was. Like the lyrics were meant to be funny, but the song itself wasn't a joke, it was meant to be a genuinely funny song. That they released on an album full of, they promised us, similar songs. As of January 2009, this was something that had just come out, and he was playing it on Jon Richardson's radio show in what appeared to be an earnest attempt to get publicity and sell it, he read out a link where people could go to buy the album (obviously I immediately went to that link and it is long dead, a quick look around the internet suggests that it is no longer for sale).

I was listening to this 2009 radio show, and I kept waiting for John Robins to make some sort of joke about it. To acknowledge that this was a really weird stupid thing he did, and they were playing it on the radio as a sort of bit. But that never came.

Here's the relevant clip from that radio show, where they talk about the album and then play the song:

So, the album is called Doing it with Women. The song they played is the title track. I can see where he was going with it. I think that kind of thing was big in the 00s, over-the-top masculine bravado where the joke is that obviously this man is not actually fucking all those bitches as he claims. Kitson used to do a lot of that, it was actually a staple of Chocolate Milk Gang humour in its day. Parody rap battles and shit like that. Obviously people still do comedy like that, but I think it was particularly big in those years. But I think that stuff only works if you make it really, really clear what you're doing. And this song... nothing was clear about it. Nothing was clear and it did not work at all. It doesn't work as comedy, and it definitely doesn't work as music.

I did listen to that episode initially and think, this seems like something I'd expect from a much younger John Robins. Like when they played those excerpts from his days as a student DJ at Oxford, and it was painfully bad but also adorably earnest and sweet and fun to listen to. The Doing it with Women song would make sense if someone uncovered a thing that John Robins made as a university student. Not something he put out in 2009, when I am listening to it for the sake of hearing young John Robins be young, but still, he was well into his comedy career and in his late twenties.

Because of this, I was quite pleased when a few weeks after listening to that, I reached the April 2017 episodes of the Radio X show, when John and Elis covered the drive time slots five nights a week, and had too much time to fill and may have been hard up for content. John Robins mentioned that he once put an album out, and Elis asked him when this was, and John replied, "Far too recently." This was a relief to me - he does know now. He might have been too old by 2009 to think this was a good idea, but at least by 2017, he was aware that not only was it a bad idea, but it was the sort of idea he really should have outgrown by that age.

John: I think it speaks volumes to how embarrassed I am of the album that -

Elis: That you've gone crimson.

John: That in three and a half years of doing this show, I've never mentioned it. Even though it would make for quite good content.

And that would be why I hadn't heard of this album before, even though I didn't listen to the BBC 6 Music stuff until I was already a ways into the XFM/Radio X show (I did break the chronology following a little bit there), and would have expected to know about something like that. Again, here's the relevant clip:

Obviously by the next day (again, they were covering the daily slots that week so they had a lot of hours to cover and really needed the content), they had procured a copy of the Doing it with Women album and played bits of it on the radio while making fun of it. It is great fun to listen to John Robins scramble to clarify that he knows this was not an acceptable thing to record and put in an album, it was a different time, 2009, he does not stand by any of this, he respects women, really, very much. He keeps going between trying to explain why this seemed like a good idea at the time, and disowning it entirely.

For those who do not listen to this radio show and don't know how John Robins' voice normally sounds, he doesn't always sound like he's about to cry. Just when he's talking about terrible albums he made not long enough ago (I mean, I have heard a few other things make his voice crack like that, but not all that many).

Anyway, the reason for this post is that reading those Chortle blogs today reminded me of this story, and being reminded of this story made me think of that song - the title track that he played on the BBC 6 Music show in 2009. And that is why, all day now, I have had "Doing it with women is my favourite kind of hobby" stuck in my head. Because as terrible as the song is, it's got a beat that can be hard to extract from your brain, and it's incredibly annoying. It's really, really annoying, and it's been stuck in my head for so long now, I try playing other songs but then that one just comes back in. So I thought I'd share this and inflict it on other people too. I can't carry this alone.

[hergrandplan]

Hey Nina 💜,

1,4,5, 14 and 17 for the writers ask thingie

Gladly!!

The last sentence you wrote

Simon wishes he could do more for W., help him somehow. Refer him to another publisher, one who would see what he sees. But Simon doesn’t have those kind of connections.

Okay technically these are three sentences but otherwise it wouldn't make sense i hope you don't mind lol

4. A story idea you haven't written yet

Oh, I have many (too many, some would say) but I once had an idea where Party Prince Wille gets into big big trouble one night. He gets way too drunk at a club, and even gets photographed leaving with someone. The next morning, his mother shows him images of him leaving with none other than Simon Eriksson, Sweden's Sweetheart, hand fully on his ass in a definitely-not-friendly way. His mother is done with him ruining the image of the monarchy with all his fooling around. In order to straighten out his image, Wille and Simon have to pretend they're actually dating...

I'm not explaining this well but it's fun and messy I promise

5. First sentence of the fifth paragraph of an unpublished WIP

"Plus, what right did they have to be there?"

14. Where do you get your inspiration?

I want to give the poetic answer and say shit like. All around me, the world, people on the train, but that's bullshit.

I get my inspiration from songs, a good 99% of the time (I stan very lyrical artists and that makes it so so easy)

17. Talk about your writing and editing process

Ooooh okay. Love this question!

Once I have an idea, like when that first flash hits me, I start writing immediately. Doesn't matter where I am; at home or at work or, once, literally walking the streets of New York. Cause once I have that idea, I usually at least have one or two fully fleshed out scenes in my head that I have to get out before I lose them.

After that, I usually let the stories marinate and sit and focus on other projects that are in a further stage of development. It's rare that I immediately write a whole story; editorial au really is the exception to anything really.

After that, I just pick up the story whenever I feel like it, but the beginning of writing is very much snippets in my notes, little random thoughts that hit me throughout the day.

When I sit down to write, depending on how fueled I am, I either write like 5k words in one go or 5. I try not to be too hard to myself during the writing stage; it doens't need to be good then (it really doesn't need to be good ever, but hey) it just needs to be Something. Words on a page. Any thoughts I have about the scene. Any time I get stuck, I write in a bracket what I want to do and move on. If I think about what I'm stuck on for too long I get stuck in writing and lose all motivation. It happens once or twice that I also don't have any ideas on what's supposed to happen after the scene I'm stuck on, but yeah, usually brackets.

I also talk to myself in the comments. If I'm hit with an idea about something I wrote earlier, the most I'll do is put a comment there about that idea, and go back to where I left off.

Sometimes I'll ask friends on opinions; discuss scenes or whether something a character does is actually in character. Talking really helps in working through hurdles, more so than I initially thought it would.

Often times when writing I think of my writing as too flat, but that's okay, because: editing is where I shine.

Now, given my profession this shouldn't have surprised me but I mean it that my best work is done in editing. That's where I get the sentences to flow, the pacing to work. I'll rewrite whole sections, and maybe it can seem like a waste of time, but those rewritings wouldn't be as good if there wasn't something that came before them. I take my time editing, making sure everything works, and then I send it off to my beta reader who reads it, works out those final kinks with me and then it's off to ao3!

(this all means it does take me ages to publish a story so thank you to everyone who's so patient with me lol)

Send me fic writer asks!

[caltropspress]

RAPS + CRAFTS #29: Masai Bey

1. Introduce yourself. Past projects? Current projects?

Peace. My name is Masai Bey. I did a few albums. The Panacea Goldmind, C87 (with BMS), Natural Magic Music, Art Of The Covenant, Beboppin, Guardians Of The Gate (performed with L.I.F.E. Long as Auxiliary Arms). I’ve done a bunch of features and collaborations with other artists. I am currently “retired” from making albums, but I still practice a little.

2. Where do you write? Do you have a routine time you write? Do you discipline yourself, or just let the words come when they will? Do you typically write on a daily basis?

I usually write at home. Lots of times the ideas come while driving in the car, but the construction is usually at home.

3. What’s your medium—pen and paper, laptop, on your phone? Or do you compose a verse in your head and keep it there until it’s time to record?

I would say I’ve always been more of a pencil and paper person, but for the last couple of years it’s been my phone because I use the phone to make notes of ideas. Before I know it, some of those ideas transform themselves into half verses.

4. Do you write in bars, or is it more disorganized than that?

Both.

5. How long into writing a verse or a song do you know it’s not working out the way you had in mind? Do you trash the material forever, or do you keep the discarded material to be reworked later?

I usually do all of my editing while I write. I keep the discarded material if it can be reworked in a different context.

6. Have you engaged with any other type of writing, whether presently or in the past? Fiction? Poetry? Playwriting? If so, how has that mode influenced your songwriting?

I used to do a little poetry writing. Writing poetry taught me how to display an idea a few different ways while reinforcing the single concept.

7. How much editing do you do after initially writing a verse/song? Do you labor over verses, working on them over a long period of time, or do you start and finish a piece in a quick burst?

Most of my editing happens while writing.

8. Do you write to a beat, or do you adjust and tweak lyrics to fit a beat?

I like to write to the beat. It gives me the space to put the pieces together rhythmically.

9. What dictates the direction of your lyrics? Are you led by an idea or topic you have in mind beforehand? Is it stream-of-consciousness? Is what you come up with determined by the constraint of the rhymes?

Everything you just asked. All of these are used.

10. Do you like to experiment with different forms and rhyme schemes, or do you keep your bars free and flexible?

I do both. Whatever seems to make sense to me at that moment.

11. What’s a verse you’re particularly proud of, one where you met the vision for what you desire to do with your lyrics?

"Nonstop." That song was the B-side to the "Paper Mache" single released on Definitive Jux. That song is me.

12. Can you pick a favorite bar of yours and describe the genesis of it?

“My flav was made for any particular age: zero years to eighty, / 7000 B.C. to 7000 A.D.” 

I wanted to use the word age two different ways.

13. Do you feel strongly one way or another about punch-ins? Will you whittle a bar down in order to account for breath control, or are you comfortable punching-in so you don’t have to sacrifice any words?

I’d rather not punch-in only because I like to record the energy flow of the entire verse.

14. What non-hiphop material do you turn to for inspiration? What non-music has influenced your work recently?

Soul, funk, club classics, freestyle, jazz, etc.

15. Writers are often saddled with self-doubt. Do you struggle to like your own shit, or does it all sound dope to you?

Sounds dope to me.

16. Who’s a rapper you listen to with such a distinguishable style that you need to resist the urge to imitate them?

I never had the urge to imitate anyone.

17. Do you have an agenda as an artist? Are there overarching concerns you want to communicate to the listener?

I have no real agenda. I just always wanted to make music that sounded dope to me and share it with the world.

RAPS + CRAFTS is a series of questions posed to rappers about their craft and process. It is designed to give respect and credit to their engagement with the art of songwriting. The format is inspired, in part, by Rob McLennan’s 12 or 20 interview series.

Photo credit: Unknown (contact me).