#i avoided the episode because i was SCARED of it being worse

[decompose1]

i. i avoided watching the springy episode for a WHILE because like. the amount everyone was shitting on it was horrible. it like genuinely ruined any passion i had in ii for a while because it was nonstop. you'd think they SHOT Cabby with the reactions. and then i watch it and it's like. eye-rolly at worst. what am i missing

[thethingything]

it's been just under 3 days since we took that antibiotic and our brain still doesn't feel right.

all I can do is wait it out and hope it goes away soon, but we've barely been able to do anything for the last few days and honestly until the med fucked us up I wasn't even sure we could get less functional in terms of how bad our dissociation and stuff was but here we are.

I have things I need to do. I have things I was meant to organise. I'm gonna have to explain a bunch of stuff at that oral surgery consultation on Thursday and I have to hope the side effects have eased off by then because with the way our brain currently is, I'm not actually sure I'd be able to explain the things I need to or remember to ask about things I need to bring up.

I've missed doses of my regular meds because of both the brain fog and our sleep schedule getting fucked up because the medication side effects triggered a fatigue flare and we're back to randomly falling asleep and repeatedly getting stuck in a loop of falling asleep and then waking up just enough to register that we need to do something but not enough to actually open our eyes and do the thing before falling asleep again several times over the course of a few hours and having really vivid dreams that kind of blur together with reality so we wake up really disoriented.

I'm simultaneously overwhelmed, and too brain foggy and dissociated to really register what's making me overwhelmed, but then I think about something that I know has been stressing me out and I just kind of feel apathetic? I guess? and I've had the same thing with stuff I'd normally be really excited/enthusiastic about no matter how bad our depression gets. it's horrible because it's like, I know I care about this thing, I know I feel strongly about it, but I can't access any of those feelings and it's making me feel like I'm not properly myself and that's freaking me out really badly

[the-insomnia-strikes-back]

Annabel Lee cannot die. (Theory Nevermore Ep. 108)

Let's talk about the Nevermore Finale of Season I and why it's impossible for our White Queen to die here.

(I do apologise for all the spelling mistakes)

Annabel is scared. The cunning, cut-throat Annabel is scared as shit right now. Understandable, I would be as well if there was a monsterous stag about to get me. It does make her more human, showing that she isn't invincible (on an emotional level). I know from multiple character analyses on this website regarding Annabel that this isn't the first time she's shown that she aswell is just a person . However, it's still nice to see here. As most of the smarter members of the nevermore community say, she is a morally grey character whose ambiguity is beautifully written. As long as Lenore isn't with her, she is as terrified of dying (twice) as everyone else.

And because Annabel is not so different, not as much of an Ice Queen as all think, there is room for growth. We already saw it with her trying to be the true Poshbesties with Prospero as we hoped for. For plots' sake, it will take a while for her to open up to anyone else. However, I do believe that somewhere down the road, Annabel could be able to actually be friends with Ada. Proof? This panel right here:

Annabel Lee and Ada are equally afraid. They're in the exact same situation here, its dangerous, and there is no room for scheming shenanigans or what else. I do hope that they'll grow closer, seeing as Ada looks up to Annabel so much, she could be her guiding light in becoming her own person, rather than sucking up to others- trying to fit in - in hope of being loved or even appreciated (but as we know our chess queen, shell probably make her worse for her own sake first).

Now to my actual point, the reason why I am even making this post:

Annabel cannot and will not die.

I suspect she won't even be hurt (at least not seriously). Why? Well, my main reason is this interaction:

We know that the phantoms, esp. the dogs, attack anything that's breathing. Now, if it would be the same for the stag, then he would have no reason to huff at Annabel Lee. On the contrary, he would have attacked as soon as he laid eyes upon her and Ada, like his dogs.

So why wouldn't he kill/hurt Annabel? Because she is not his main quarry. Lenore is. We know (as long as the raven isn't mistaken) that the Wild Hunts' main goal is getting Lenore. He must have smelled Lenores scent on Annabel, as they've interacted and even hugged on the arboretum (to avoid falling to death that is) the very same day, since him huffing at her, smelling her.

Same reason why Nurse Dolly is still alive as well. She saw the stag, it was staring her right in the eye, but rather than him, his dogs were the ones who attacked. He has no interest in anyone besides his quarry.

Besides the in-story reasons, someone on the nevermore discord also said that rednflynn already confirmed and roughly planned 4 seasons of Nevermore. So, it would make no sense to kill one of the protagonists so early on in the series.

Now, multiple people already expressed their hopes that Lenore - like the Prince Charming she is/was in her previous life - will come and save Annabel, maybe even getting her spectre. I do not believe this will happen. There are multiple reasons for that. Firstly, it would throw off the whole dynamic of the two groups, kinda destroying Annabel Lees + Lenores' plan. Secondly, Ms. Poppet already explained that transforming into your spectre to confront the wild hunt is basically a suicide mission. And I doubt that Lenores spectre would have enough plot armour to overpower the stag.

Third and foremost: It's too soon. And it would be kind of anticlimactic. Lenores Spectre is one of the biggest mysteries in the series. Her transforming in the first few episodes of the second season would ruin one of the most fun speculations of the nevermore community. Personally, for me, it would make reading the webcomic further on a little bit less engaging. Here is how I believe it will more likely go down:

Annabel + Ada will be saved by either Prospero, the deans (unlikely, since they can not be contacted in dreamland) or just a lapse of judgement in the stags mind. Either they use the moment of silence right now, with prospero/will/montresor showing up and making a run for it with Annabel and Ada, or the stag will ignore them (since their not his quarry) or someone, a background character or so, will take his attention off them by screaming or panicking. Of course, this is only about the stag. We do not know if the phantom riders with him are like the dogs, impolitely aggressive from head to toe/tail, or if they're more the secondaries to the stag, only attacking when necessary.

Edit: I am not sure if the 4 Seasons are really confirmed or if my mind just really really deluded itself, so take it with a grain of salt...

Edit Part 2: Nvm the comments are so thoughful and confirm it, that Nevermore will have 3-4 seasons

[allthingswhumpyandangsty]

Do you have any extra prompts/perspective for shutdown trauma responses? So far I have a few related to freeze but I know they’re different in their own ways (I have some unrelated to freeze too, I just rather ask a professional in case there’s more)

disclaimer that while I have written about the topic in my own fics before, I only consider myself a fanfic writer who’s done some research, not a professional, and these are supposed to be prompts for writers to use and tweak however they see fits for their fanfics / original works for entertainment purposes. please don’t treat these following prompts as a 100% accurate psychological information that can be applied in real life situations without doing your own research and consulting with a licensed professional.

trigger warnings: PTSD, depression, implied suicide, eating disorder

whumpee not being able to feel the pain that should have been haunting them, be it physical or mental. and that is not a good thing, because they’re not processing what happened, and they can’t heal as long as they cannot process or acknowledge what happened to them.

numb, however, is all whumpee can feel. and the numbness is so much worse and more dangerous than pain.

depression, prolonged stress, anxiety and procrastination are also possibilities. if whumpee only feels numb all the time, there’re chances of them developing other mental disorders that may cause them to believe that their entire life is now without any purpose.

whumpee feeling hopeless and wanting to give up all the time. any personal interest they had prior to the traumatic incident is now gone.

loss of appetite. an eating disorder where food tastes like ashes, and panic sends them into having an episode whenever caretaker tries making them eat — because it feels like someone was forcing ashes down their throat and they could not breathe. their body would not accept the food, and their gag reflex made them feel like throwing up. it is as much physical as it is psychological.

confusion and/or hallucinations may occur — whumpee struggling to distinguish between what’s real and what’s in their head. denial may trick their mind into believing that the tragedy that’s happened to them didn’t actually happen, and denying is certainly not the read toward recovery.

whumpee stopped talking altogether. doesn’t matter if they’re safe with caretaker now. they would not talk to anybody about anything at all, not just what happened. (they physically could, but they’re so traumatized that speaking is too much for them.)

the needs to hide from everything and everyone all the time are there. doesn’t matter if it’s caretaker, whumpee simply does not wish to be seen.

they keep mostly silent and mostly to themself, in the sense that they avoid everybody and spend most of their time locked in their room where no one can see them.

they may be too afraid to make any decisions for themself, no matter how small the decision is.

appearing disengaged in any social interaction and limiting the way they express any emotion at all; in other cases where they’re not numb, they may be scared or upset in some situations, but their brain tells them to keep their guard up by not letting others see how they actually feel. whumpee believe they’re shielding and protecting themself this way, and they will always need to “play safe”, since it’s best not to let anyone know how they feel, even if it’s caretaker.

[whathorselegs]

Between my recent skk emotional hurt/comfort fic and my older one, its got me thinking about the differences and similarities in how I depict Dazai and Chuuya's depressive episodes.

The similarities would be that, they both try to hide it and are both quiet when struggling with their mental health. They don't reach out for help. Chuuya doesn't because he views it as a sign of weakness, he can't afford to show within the mafia, he's an Exec, he has to be strong. He'll tell himself he needs to toughen up and push through it. Dazai doesn't because he convinces himself through his self-destructive tendencies and self-loathing that he doesn't deserve help. He allows himself to spiral because he can't bare the shame of being a burden to someone else.

And the differences are how they react physically to their depressive episodes.

In a way Dazai deflates. He's so exhausted because he starts to deny himself the things he needs to function and engaging in more self destructive behaviours, until it leaves him at the point where he can't get back up. He lays down and just goes numb. Dazai experiences almost a conscious coma where his mind his still running, telling him awful things, but he just can not move his body and if he's left like that he'll just keep getting worse. I think in the beginning stages, it often gets mistaken for him being lazy, but he's not, Dazai's genuinely exhausted and can't perform simple tasks when his mind gets that bad.

As for Chuuya he goes tense. Literally, he'll be on edge and agitated, because he'll refuse to give in to how tired his body feels. His depressive episodes, to me, constantly fire his flight or fight responses until he gets so wound up he's scared relaxing will break him apart completely. In both fics I wrote Chuuya getting to the point where he's literally curled up a fetal position completely tense because he can't let his body relax. He's got nothing to fight, nowhere to run, so he goes defensive and makes himself as small as possible to avoid the threat. But the threat's himself, so he can't escape it.

It also effects how I write them helping each other through their depressive episodes too. Dazai gives Chuuya the space to safely fall apart and Chuuya helps pull Dazai back together again.

They're both gentle, yet forceful about it, because they know their partner will resist the help before giving in, but they know what each other needs to get back on track. Or they do when they're older anyways, they stumbled through it when they were younger because they'd both think, "Well, what would I want in this situation? To be left alone." and that's not an option they are comfortable with, so until they learned what each other needed, they clumsily tried to help each other with little tact.

However, eventually Dazai recognizes Chuuya needs someone to tell him "It's okay, whatever it is, you can let go now." he needs that reliability, someone to be the protector, the stable one, so he can safely fall apart for a while. Whereas Chuuya knows Dazai needs some one to literally (and figuratively) pick him up off the floor and help him with preforming the basic acts of self-care so he can start to feel more like himself again.

[tang0soda]

I haven't seen a lot of discussion about RSD when it comes to ADHD discussions, so I thought I would do the honors since it's been affecting me for many years and I'd like people to know more about it!

I have had a diagnosis for ADHD but was never told- instead learning I had autism through therapy but still having some behaviors that I could never explain that just Happened.

I learned I had ADHD over the summer, and with that, severe rejection sensitive dysphoria.

before reading, please keep in mind that this is mostly talking from personal experience and some skimmed research! not experiencing RSD doesn't mean you do/don't have ADHD, and it may not appear like how it appeared for me. I don't only have autism + adhd either, so those may also contribute to any differences! ^^

RSD is the immense emotional pain after being criticized, rejected, or even teased (ignore my misspell in the panel). This rejection can be real or perceived, and we react like this because it hurts.

The pain can manifest as aggression, bringing on symptoms of depression (thoughts of s/h, isolation, demotivation, etc) and anxiety/panic attacks.

it can cause physical aliments like the above. For me, it causes my heartrate to skyrocket, heart palpitations, the feeling of being in a crisis, and extreme shaking to occur along with stomach pain.

(In fact, right now I'm going through it because making a post talking about this, despite having & dealing with it, makes me scared of other's opinions on it.)

RSD can also take the form of avoiding situations, people, or conversations where rejection or criticism is very possible.

Like other types of dysphoria, it is out of our control and hard to manage. It can last from days to weeks to months, all depending on both the trigger* and the individual.

I had a RSD episode that was on-and-off for a little over a year or two; getting more tame and bearable as it slowly drifted and stopped haunting my mind with the incident.

Compared to the other times my RSD was set off, this moment was a rather big moment in my life and ended up permanently changing me moving forward - which can be the reason why it lasted so long.

Despite how unbearable it can get, there are some ways to cope with it & lessen the effect it has.

Communicate - If you need time to process something that's told to you, you should say so (as difficult as it is). Tell the person(s) involved about your RSD, how you need time to digest information like this and take some time to relax. Trying to respond to the information while going through the head of the dysphoria will be very rough and might not be what you truly want to say.

Distract - This is really useful for me personally! Do something that grabs your attention or occupies your mind. One of RSD's main symptoms is rumination, thinking of something over and over again. I usually listen to music, draw, or play a game that won't frustrate me - like minecraft! (i'd say rain world but some of you would call me a maniac /lhj)

Perspective - This may require some communication, but it can really help and connect with others. See what the involved people thought / perceived, explain, talk. This doesn't always have the chance to end in rainbows and rekindling but at least you understand. Sometimes simply hearing the person explain their own side is enough to ease my RSD, being able to have someone explain themselves to me so i can understand them better.

I also wanna point out the "don't take it personally" thing that people try to use to deal with it isn't something i agree with since we're going to take it personally at first regardless. Later on, not really, but you're trying to cope with the symptoms... telling someone (or yourself) that they're too sensitive & over-reacting is the worse thing you could do.

With time, you can even begin to build up your 'armor' and be able to sustain yourself in situations you might get hurt in. Of course, some things may be able to sneak past and hurt you more than you expect, but at the end of the day, you're trying your best to go about it the best you can while taking so many blows. you're doing great.

OK i dont have a lot more to add so if anyone else would like to talk about their experiences, please feel free! Character showcased here was my beloved fursona Shiki! i'm just a little neurodivergent + black artist from new york :]

hope you enjoyed it! sorry for the long post </3

[inf3ct3dd]

01. BAD LIAR

warnings: none!!!

authors note: going cray rn guys….sorry if this is a bit long 😓😓

previous chapter. next chapter. masterlist.

the rest of summer break was….depressing.

as they say, lesbian heartbreak hits hard.

ellie must’ve texted you a thousand times, and you couldn’t reply because every time you saw her name on your phone you started bawling.

and your daily stalks of her instagram had you completely salty-faced.

you were so obnoxiously upset, that everything that had anything to do with her made you upset. you worried that if you even saw her face to face, you’d fold on the floor and drown in your own tears.

which was what made being in your room even worse, because it was covered in HER.

open your closet? her old hoodie.

sit at your desk? a framed picture of the two of you.

vanity? polaroids taped to the mirror.

even your BED. which held the stuffed animal she bought you, mr pickles.

mr pickles might as well have been a real pickle from how salty he was from being covered in TEARS during one of your very frequent breakdowns.

you basically lived in your room, your sister having to literally drag you outside to do anything. the only thing that worked was bribing you with food.

“cmon, i made pasta.” was her best excuse to get you out of your self inflicted prison.

ellie showed up at your house a few times, and each time she did, you hid in your room. at one point she actually came upstairs, and you crawled out of your window and hid on your roof until she left.

you did not want to talk to her.

after a while, and constant berating from all your friends and your family, you got over your extremely dramatic episode. well….not really? but at least you weren’t in your room sobbing over a tiktok you saw because the girl “looked like ellie.”

the days leading up to the first day of school basically consisted in you being in a constant state of panic.

what if she talks to me?

what if i have to sit next to her in class?

what if she-

“DUDE. CAN YOU STOP BEING A BATHROOM HOG AND LET ME GET READY?”

you heard your sister yell from outside the door, interrupting your thoughts.

you had been pacing in the bathroom for thirty minutes, losing your fucking mind.

you shouldn’t be this stressed out. it happened almost a month ago. you’ll be fine girl, calm down.

you give yourself a final once-over in the mirror , fixing the two plaits on the sides of your head before adjusting your glasses, and swinging the door open, revealing your pissed off sister.

“fucking finally.”

she muttered under her breath, before dramatically slamming the door behind her.

you gave your dad a hug goodbye before walking over to your car, twirling your keys in your fingers. you had just gotten your license last year, (too scared to get it when you were 16), and you still weren’t very….good at driving.

you opened the car door, making your hand wet from the raindrops , and sat down inside the car.

you watched your sister walk over to the car, with a fucking helmet.

she swung open the door and sat down in the passenger’s seat, setting her bag on the ground.

“…..are you serious?”

you looked over at your sister, a look of disbelief plastered on your face.

“with the way you drive? very much so.”

you roll your eyes at her before pulling out of your driveway, making your way to school.

after you got to school, you really wished you would’ve stayed home.

or transferred schools.

to one in a different country.

because when you walked into your first period, ellie was there.

and your second.

and your third.

and your fourth.

the first half of your day was spent basically hiding from her. sitting as far as possible, making your presence seem non-existent.

it was definitely a chore, but you’d rather do this than actually have to confront her.

even during passing periods, you practically speed-walked to your next period classes, avoiding the brunettes persistent attempts to talk to you.

it was hard to focus on anything in class when you could feel her eyes burning a hole in the back of your head.

lunch was….once again, very depressing. your usual lunch table was just full of ellies friends, and of course, ellie herself.

you looked around the cafeteria for a while , scanning the large room for one of your friends. and yet, you turned up empty.

do i just have zero classes with them?

you finally gave up, walking to the courtyard outside.

the courtyard was fairly empty, given that it was still soaking wet .

you walked over to a bench that looked fairly dry, sitting down and slinging your backpack off your shoulders before sitting it down next to you, grabbing the lunch you packed for yourself.

you started to eat , biting into the quesadilla you made yourself , looking around the courtyard and nodding your head to the music blaring in your headphones.

the noise cancellation blocked out the sound of a door swinging open, and footsteps quickly approaching you.

you continued eating your lunch, this being the most calm you’ve been all day, slightly kicking your feet back and forth as they dangled off the bench.

you don’t notice ellie walking over to you until its too late, and shes standing in front of you, repeating your name.

“hello???”

you look up at her, slightly jumping at her presence and pulling your headphones onto your shoulders.

“uhm….hi.”

you utter, meeting her eyes.

“are you just never gonna talk to me again?”

ellie responded, a disappointed look on her face.

you avoided eye contact with her, staring at your hands in your lap.

“i don’t really…..have anything to say to you.”

you mutter, still avoiding her gaze.

“nothing? you don’t have anything to say about what happened?”

“what do you expect me to say?”

“….i don’t know. i just want to talk to you.”

she looked away from you, fiddling with her rings the same way she did the last time you saw her.”

“are you alright? you haven’t really been posting or anything lately.”

she was looking at my account??

“i’m fine. just haven’t been on my phone much.”

you lied, staring at her shoes.

“i can tell….i must’ve texted you 1000 times and you never answered.”

she anxiously rubbed her arm, trying desperately to hold eye contact with you.

“ ‘m sorry.”

“its fine, i kinda deserved it.”

she lets out a dry chuckle, rubbing her arm with her opposite hand.

theres an awkward silence between the two of you, both fidgeting with your hands and looking everywhere but at each other.

“so… are you and dina like, a thing now?”

you boldly questioned, crossing your legs in front of you.

“no- we were just drunk. we’re just friends.”

“real friendly.” you mumbled under your breath.

“are you uh…seeing anyone?”

ellie asks, slightly bouncing on her feet.

ellie only asks because she knows you aren’t. she wants an ego boost. she just wants you to say it.

she doesn’t expect you to say yes.

and neither do you.

“actually? who is it?”

the realization of what you just said hits you like a truck, the false confidence disappearing and replacing it with fear. you think, maybe for a bit too long, about what to say.

and then you finally utter-

“abby.”

ellies look of confusion is replaced with anger at your answer.

abby anderson. the one girl you knew she hated.

constant bickering and dumb fights, arguments that meant absolutely nothing that lasted their entire high school careers, and the constant competition between the two of them brewed your perfect opportunity for jealousy. your thoughts moved as fast as your mouth.

“cmon, you’re joking right?”

ellie asks before scoffing, readjusting her feet and crossing her arms in front of her.

you shake your head before packing up your things, starting to leave.

you don’t notice that you left your class schedule on the bench.

“you’re not fucking with me?”

ellie was practically fuming, the tips of her ears turning red as she dug her fingers into her arms.

you give her a nod before walking away, quickly turning on your heel.

“are you serious?”

“dead.”

your best friend mina was staring back at you, mouth agape in shock as she listened to you recall what happened during lunch.

your heart beat speeds up as you run around the track, even though you were already basically having a heart attack before you started.

having gym outside was already brutal, and the fact that it was extremely foggy and depressing-looking outside made it ten times worse. usually, you would’ve tired out by now, begging the gym teacher to let you inside because you had a “headache”, but for some reason you were feeling extremely bold today.

as you and your friend slow your pace you feel someone running behind you. you take a deep breath, expecting ellie to pop up behind you, but you’re suprised when you hear an unfamiliar voice call out your name.

you turn around to face her, and you look up and see abby.

your heart hammers in your chest while you try to catch your breath, simultaneously trying to calm your nerves.

“um…hey.”

you reply, staring up at her.

your eyes move to her hands, and you notice a piece of paper in one.

“is this yours?”

abby reaches her hand with the paper towards you, realizing its your class schedule.

“oh yeah, thanks.”

abby smiles at you, shoving her hands into her hoodie pocket. you subconsciously mirror her actions, slipping your hands into yours.

“welcome. we have pretty similar schedules actually.”

“oh really? i didn’t notice.”

you smile at her, and she offers the same smile back.

mina makes her hands smooch, making an obnoxious kissy face behind abby.

“yeah, you seemed like you were kinda staying to yourself today.”

you give her a death glare before looking back to abby, slightly shifting on your feet.

“i guess, i’ve just been….avoiding someone.”

you look away for a second, and see ellie angrily storming towards the two of you, all her anger and eye sight directed towards abby.

shit.

abby looks in the same direction as you, watching you get anxious as ellie walks over.

“you okay?”

you redirect your attention to abby, watching her eyebrows quirk at you in concern.

you give her a quick nod, but the look on her face remains unchanged. she doesn’t believe you.

you feel ellie get closer to you. you run through the thousands of scenarios that could go wrong if she gets over to the two of you.

ellie would think you’re a pathetic weirdo, and abby would think you’re an insane person.

however, your body moves faster than your thoughts, and you choose the absolute worse option to get out of this.

you slightly stand on your tiptoes and smash your lips onto abbys, holding her face with your hands.

her eyes widen in shock, blind to you as you shut yours as hard as possible.

surprisingly, she doesn’t pull away.

ellie sees the sight in front of her and scoffs, staring at the two of you in disbelief.

“guess she wasn’t lying.”

taglist:

if ur name is crossed i cant tag u :((

@rimaybank @nickiminaj689 @ leomcshizzle @planetflorxa @teawithnosugar @sawaagyapong @how-to-disappearrr @vsselz @pepperispicy @chrry1ovr @ 4yn1y4h @lottienatfinalgirls @honeycinnamonenthusiast @heartrobynn @ibatman @sugarbag @arizvla

[marvel-starwarsfangirl]

Crosshair, Omega, and the Hidden Horrors of Tantiss

Crosshair and Omega going home might've saved them from experiencing more of Tantiss' horrors, but "Infiltration" and "Extraction" remind us that these two still have so much unspoken trauma. They've told us only the surface level of what happened to them and I think we'll finally start getting answers in the coming weeks. I also have a new theory regarding Crosshair's hand.

Major spoilers below

A lot of people commented on how Omega feels like she's hiding something. Her smile doesn't reach her eyes and she feels distant. Our sweet sunshine child is no longer in the bright sun. She kept putting up a brave face because Crosshair needed it. He needed someone to help him push through the darkness. But underneath, Omega is suffering. We see her routine and the monotony of it in "Confined." Months and months of that leave marks that we can't see. She isn't being physically hurt, but the separation from her brothers, the routine, Crosshair's broken spirit, and Hemlock breathing down her neck have all gotten to her. She is tired and is doing the best she can with the hope she has. Her hope, Crosshair, and Batcher were the only things keeping her from falling into despair. But that can only last for so long and thankfully, she made it. But that doesn't mean it didn't impact her.

During "Infiltration," the way Omega spoke to Rex dug deep. There's something she's not telling us. She looked sad, scared, and broken. The look on her face when she mentions herself as part of Hemlock's experiments hurts. I bet they did more to her than we realized. I bet there's much more going on with her in general. She also carries a lot of survivor's guilt due to her escaping when so many didn't. Worse, she left them behind. That doesn't sit right with Omega because she knows what the Empire is doing to the Clones. They're not just there getting blood drawn, something far sinister is happening.

I think in the next few weeks, we will start hearing Omega open up more to her brothers. Michelle Ang said in an interview I think that Omega worries her presence will endanger her brothers. She needs to talk to them. I know personally what happens if you keep stuff in. You don't want to let that stuff fester and I think if we want to see our girl truly happy again, she needs to confide in her family. Crosshair, Hunter, Echo, and Wrecker won't let anything happen to her. They love her so much.

We're also finally starting to get answers as to what happened to Crosshair. But like Omega, he's not fully open either. Crosshair explains to Rex and the others that Hemlock tried to turn him into a clone assassin, a process which involves erasing their identities and going through intense conditioning. Hemlock himself states that Crosshair resisted this "reeducation." But that's all we get about it. Like Omega, Crosshair isn't telling us the full story. We don't know what reconditioning implies or how Hemlock erases identities of the clones. They even come with a tracker that can't be found with normal technology.

I definitely think that Crosshair will also begin to open up more in the next few episodes. He's tied to the Clone X story now so I know we will be getting answers soon. I also think Crosshair's bad hand is tied to the Clone X program. What if his hand started shaking as way to get him out? If he can't function, then Hemlock wouldn't have use for him. Crosshair also knows that they wipe identities. What if Crosshair did have his identity wiped and his hand is shaking as a result of that? He fought Hemlock's programming. But at what cost? His mental scars are there, but there's more than he's letting on. Crosshair is not ok; he may have come to terms with Mayday and his brothers, but his trauma from Tantiss is still there.

In "The Return," he says "I was a prisoner, not much else to tell." Except that's not the case; he was avoiding talking about his trauma with the program. Seeing the clone assassin frightened him and whatever is to come in the next few weeks will be emotional for sure.

Edit: to add to this, Crosshair says that being defective is part of his nature. Now, he could just be making a remark, but what if there’s more? What if Crosshair’s mutations helped him resist the reconditioning?

[picturejasper20]

Steven Universe Future: The Diamonds being part of the hug symbolism

In the episode ¨I Am My Monster¨ we see the Crystal gems reaching out for Steven when he becomes corrupted, as when he transforms into giant monster like creature as tall as the Diamonds. The Crystal Gems hug Steven to call him down and make him return to his human form.

One thing that gets some fans attention is why the Diamonds form part of the group hug since they themselves don't share the same closeness the Crystal Gems share with Steven. It does makes sense for them to show up and help because Steven went to ask for their help in ¨Homeworld Bound¨.

Well, yesterday i was talking to my friend Prpis (aka Purple Rose) on Discord about the last episodes from Future. She suggested that the Diamonds being part of this scene could be seen as Steven accepting that he is part diamond too, something he didn't want to associated himself with for most of Future series.

Steven spends a great deal of Future series fearing the idea that he doesn't live up to other expectations of him or what they think he is, as a ¨good person¨ who helps and heals others. He is obsessed with this idea that he has to be a ¨good person¨, as some idealistic form of perfection.

This is why he avoids telling the gems that he is going throught some important issues that are taking a mental toll on him. He doesn't want them to find out that he has been getting worse. He fears that he is going to be unworthy of love if he isn't ¨good¨.

Another fear that Steven has is becoming like his mother, Rose Quartz. He is scared of hurting people like she did and that feeds into his necessity of having to avoid being bad, of trying to not hurt others. Her mother legacy and the consequences of it are a huge burden on his shoulders that he feels that he has to carry even after he sees himself as his own person rather than having to be like Rose Quartz or Pink Diamond.

His fear of being Rose Quartz-Pink is also associated itself with the idea that he is part Diamond as well, and for Steven, the Diamonds represent the opposite of what he is supposed to be- a healer. He has only known the Diamonds for how they have brought pain and hurt others. He thinks of being a Diamond as ¨someone who hurts others¨ a person he is very afraid of being.

The irony of this is that Diamond powers can be both destructive and healing, as shown with Rose Quartz herself or the Diamonds when they changed their powers to their new purpose of fixing the damage they have caused and helping other gems. But Steven can only related these powers with bringing pain and hurt.

The Diamonds being part of the group hug could be seen as symbolism of Steven struggling to accept that he has hurt others and how he can do bad things just like the Diamonds did. He is confronted with the idea that he can't be ¨morally perfect¨ and that he may do bad things like Rose Quartz did.

Another thing that Prpis pointed out that the Diamonds are the ones that started this ¨chain reaction¨. White at some point during the episode brings up that she hurting Pink Diamond is what led to Spinel to being left behind by Pink. Blue and Yellow blame themselves as the source of Steven's suffering. And while they weren't the only reason, the way they treated Pink had an overall impact on Steven's psyche, such as it was Spinel's case.

So, The Diamonds being part of this scene, while not being very close to Steven, has a certain symbolic and narrative importance for Steven's arc and their connection to Pink Diamond. As Steven finally comes to terms with the idea that he will sometimes make mistakes and he isn't perfect, and yet, his family and friends still love him after all of it.

[bluephoric]

ridiculously long list of larry johnson hcs because fuck you he doesnt get enough love

Tw for depressing ass shit

- larry is a tired clumsy airhead, and as a result he always has SOMETHING spilled, wiped, or drawn on his clothes.

- undiagnosed adhd, and probably a few other things

- both him and sal collect bottlecaps, they like to make pins out of cool ones they find, often trading them like pokemon cards. they have multiple matching friendship ones. on common ones though, he likes to flatten and paint.

- larry's mental health generally sucks, but when things get really bad he stops caring about his physical safety, often pulling some reckless shit. even when he gets hurt from it, he doesnt seem to mind. Times like these kinda scare him, and he tries to avoid falling into them.

- despite seemingly "not caring about anything" (as he puts it) during these episodes, he's still fiercely protective of his friends and tries to be gentle with them, both physically and emotionally.

- callused hands, fingers yellowed from smoking.

- big fan of gas stations when he's high, practically raids that shit. one of his nicknames is "stoner jesus"

- he's openly bisexual and flirts with random people for fun. its usually something light. dorky pickup lines, stupid puns.. he Never expects it to be shot back at him but on the rare occasion it happens, he turns into a giggling mess.

- he actually pissed off travis even worse a few times with it, I could go into it further but this isnt a larvis post so i'll spare you all. For now.

- his favorite horror movies are the funny ones

- he isnt much of a drinker, mostly around holidays and just to get a little buzzed. spiked eggnog and fireball are his go-to's. Drunk christmas karaoke is one of his favorite things (he's constantly giving sal secondhand embarrassment). 2 words, mariah carrey.

- For awhile he genuinely tried to be a good student but because he was so far behind and his undiagnosed adhd, the teachers started to demonize him. Eventually he realized it didnt matter how hard he tried, so he just gave up. The only subject he likes is art, so that's where he focuses all his energy and actually tries.

- skips school sometimes but lisa tends to give him hell for it so he tries not to do it too often, mostly just skips certain classes if hes really not feeling it.

- almost always comes to school high

- his room is such a mess. sal tries to help him with it but he has similar struggles. whenever ash or todd come over, it becomes a group effort and shit gets done rather quickly. luckily no biohazards, so its not like his room really needs a DEEP clean but still. its nice.

- larry fucking LOVES jack black movies, also stupid stoner movies.

- Loves the arcade too, You'd think his favorite would be guitar hero, but that's more for sal. his favorite is mortal combat or those car racing games that you sit in with the steering wheel.

- larry cant cook for shit, hes always burning something, it always turns out gross and inedible. unless he's stoned, in which case he magically turns into a michelin star chef. weird ass combinations, but it always turns out really good.

- despite being shit at cooking, he still tries to help his mom with it, even though he mostly ends up just being in the way and she eventually shoos him out of the kitchen

- he smells super musky, with cheap cologne and the faint scent of weed

- when he was really little, he had a dinosaur onsie that he would wear everywhere, very rarely taking it off until it started to get too tight. he was beyond devastated when he realized he grew out of it, lisa had to pry it away from him in fear that he would accidentally destroy it. She keeps it in her closet collecting dust. Its one of the few things she kept from before jim disappeared. despite it bringing up memories of what things used to be like before he "left", she couldnt bear to throw it out.

- sometimes when larry needs comfort, he sneaks into her room and steals it temporarily. on sleepless nights, he zips it over his pillows as a makeshift pillowcase, its one of the few things that help him relax. It's always put back in place by the next morning. Lisa has no idea, and he's far too embarrassed about it to say anything to her.

- the only person who knows about this is sal because of their sleepovers. One night He was high as balls and got paranoid, when he tried to sleep it off the fear was just too much so away he crept, into lisa's room. Of course he made sal come with him, he sure as shit wasnt going alone.

- when questioned about it, larry refused to answer and so sal let it go figuring he would tell him when he was ready.

- Larry Harbors an obscene amount of guilt. struggles with sh off and on, tries not to relapse unless things get really unbearable. to prevent this, him and the SF gang (primarily ash) regularly doodle and sometimes paint on the places he's prone to harm.

- when he can feel himself slipping into an episode, larry makes it a point to braid his hair so it won't get matted. tries to brush it and rebraid it at least once a week, but often struggles to find the energy and lets it sit in for longer. Not to mention, a lot of the times he stops showering which makes it even harder to braid because of the greasiness.

- has given himself a few amateur stick and pokes. They look like shit, and he knows it but he's still very proud of them.

- the ink he uses for it fades pretty fast

- he's also tried to give himself piercings, but always fucks it up so he takes them out and slaps a bandaid over it

- collects different kinds of flavored chapstick, takes a bite out of them sometimes when he thinks no one is looking (ofc sal has caught him a few times but has never said anything)

- after he first met megan, he was scared shitless. slept with the lights on for the next few weeks and refused to shut the door when going to the bathroom, insisting to his mom on keeping the shower curtain open at all times (he tried to act chill about it around sal and it kinda worked. kinda.) after awhile he eventually calmed down but still finds himself getting really nervous whenever him and sal talk to a ghost, though he would never admit it.

- has a picture of his dad in a locket but rarely wears it because he's afraid he'll accidentally break it. always keeps it with him though, usually in his pocket, holding it as he walks.

- Despite his general demeanor he's quite the gentleman, always holding doors open and really courteous towards women. Most people don't expect it just based on his appearance, but Lisa raised him right.

- also he's hot as fuck.

- we all know larry is a metalhead, but what kind of metal is his favorite? It generally depends on his mood but id say sludge, thrash, and doom.

- You're telling me this man, who is depressed as fuck and also a stoner wouldnt eat up some electric wizard? saint vitus? bitch, please. I know quite a few albums that would bring him to his knees.

- And I know I'm prolly gonna get hate for this but I notice when a lot of other people write about larry (AND sal), they tend to lean towards nu metal or just plain emo. And while I don't think either of them would mind it, The lyrics and vocals of Sanity's fall feels more reminiscent of death or black metal and given the fact that SF is his favorite band, I don't think he would listen to that kind of stuff, at least not on a regular basis. Ash on the other hand definitely would.

[milkywaydrabbles]

He who was found in chains, set free. | XI

A/N:Sorry for the delay in chapters life has gotten very busy screams;; this is a shorter chapter, kind of a filler? But the episode this was based off (S4E7) is a rather slow one to begin with, so I figured I'd take the time to describe their heart break and the realization of love. I hope you enjoy it all the same, next chapter will start picking up the pace with action, maybe a bit of romance? We'll see!

You can read on Ao3 here!

You were scared to go outside. You were scared to leave the castle, scared to even leave your room. The confidence, the smiling, living freely-everything was ripped from you in an instant. And worse of all you weren’t sure if you even wanted to see Alucard or not. On one hand, you were furious, furious that he left you for so long and came back with the devil himself. The man that tortured you, abused you, belittled you. You’ve never felt so betrayed like this-never thought you could feel so betrayed. But it felt like Alucard had no regard for you or your life the way he had been acting (how could he act a specific way? He abandoned you.) You had locked yourself away in the room, the townspeople forgetting you even existed. You’re scurry along the edges of the halls whenever you needed even just a slice of bread to get you through the next few days. You remembered the days of never eating real meals. You could go back to it just as quickly, eating for survival and not for enjoyment. Alucard hadn’t seen you in days. Every time he thought he could grab a hold of you, you’d go back to the room with a small click of the lock and ignored all his calls through the door. You were rotting away in there, and he must have known it was his own fault. He broke your trust, and you must hate him.

You were grateful for the bathroom being a part of the suite, as you have no idea how you’d be able to avoid people for as long as you have. Even so, you barely had the energy to bathe, periodically doing so just to make sure you really weren’t rotting away. The curtains were closed, shutting away the light. Oh, how your heart felt torn to pieces. Slowly, Alucard had put you back together, helping you find your own voice, find things you love. You found your smile, if only just for the first time in your entire existence. He helped you learn, taught you so much about the world, and how it was kind and forgiving. You found yourself, learning more about yourself and your ancestry. You were a witch! And you would be a good one! Now, you didn’t even have the energy to read, let alone study on the craft. Laying in bed felt like laying in your casket. Limbs cold, bleary vision, ready to just waste away. 

But, oh, being away from Adrian hurt more than the betrayal. Every time he knocked on your door, your heart broke. Each call out to you, saying your name so softly, hearing him beg for you to just open the door, just let him see you, just let him apologize--you’d go to the bathroom and close the door, crying in the tub just so that he doesn’t hear you. But you couldn’t help but sob, crying into your hands with a head so heavy. He’d still hear you anyways, his hearing so sharp he can catch almost anything. It destroyed him, knowing that he was the cause of all this pain. Not realizing that you cried so terribly because you wanted more than anything in the world to hold him, to be surrounded and overwhelmed by him and only him. Once, you really thought about opening the door. He’d brought you food, like he did almost every day, hoping you’d eat. Sometimes he’d leave it at your door and leave you be for a few hours until returning with the food still untouched. You wondered what the townspeople have been doing to the castle. You hear the children sometimes outside. You wonder if Adrian is with them, making them laugh. You wonder if he’s with her. With Greta. You wonder if he smiles at her like he used to smile at you. You wonder if he thinks about you when she’s around. You wonder if one day he’s just going to rip the door off its hinges and throw you out to the wolves for all your troubles and burdens. You wonder if he’ll do worse; stop coming around altogether and let you rot and fester until death takes you in this room.

And then you can’t help but cry some more, because oh, you realize this is what love is. And that you love Alucard. You love Adrian Tepes. And love hurts.

-

“I’ve left food for you, please, you need to eat.” He murmured against the door, again, and ventured off into the castle. These days he had no energy to do much, forcing himself to work on helping the village. It’s been hard, without you around. He knows it’s his own fault. He knows he deserves this. He tries not to think too much on it, for he’ll spiral out of control in misery. He’d found himself on the peak of his castle, overlooking the land and listening to the laughter of children. He looked down, seeing them all waving up to him, “hm..”

Alucard jumped.

The children looked on, terrified of the man falling to his seeming doom before stopping only a few feet above them. “Boo.”

The shock turned into laughter, the children giggling before running away probably to tell others of what they just saw. He smiled.

“That was nice of you.” Greta came into view, Alucard looking bashful that he was perceived. “I didn’t realize anyone was watching.”

“I was looking for you. Imagine my surprise when you dropped out of the sky and frightened a year’s growth out of the little bastards.”

Alucard sighed, looking away from her, guilt painted on his features. “Sorry.”

“No, really. It was nice of you. They don’t all have an adult who’ll pay any attention at all to them.”

“Let alone plummet down on them like death from above, I suppose.”

“You gave them a story they’ll be telling forever.”

-

“I wanted to talk to you about defenses, and I wanted to ask about your food supplies.” Alucard sighed, looked at the entrance of his castle that he now faced. “I’m not sure there’s much.” He really had no idea, saying as he was really only cooking for two--well, one. Now. and he didn’t keep much else around.

“Well that’s the thing. I was hoping we could use some of the dried meat you have to make meals go a little further?” 

“Use it all.”

“Seriously?”

“Whatever you can find. I tended to forage fresh food in the mornings, but I’m sure I have some preserved things in the pantries.” To be honest, Alucard was only half paying attention to the conversation, eyes always drifting up to your window. Hoping, praying that one day he’d catch it open, that one day the curtain would even be slightly to the side bringing it some sunlight. That he’d be able to catch just a glimpse of your face.

“You don’t actually know what you’ve got in your castle, do you?” Greta’s voice brought him back, and he really wished it hadn’t. “Not really.” He shrugged.

“It looks like you were feeding an army in there up until a couple of months ago.”

Well....

“It wasn’t me. But I take your point. I’ve been...preoccupied. Beyond clearing up some damage from...let’s talk about something else. Defenses” He thought of all the times he could have spent cleaning up debris, or taking inventory of what was actually left in the castle, talking with you. Spending time with you. Learning your intricacies, the little nuances and ticks that you do when you’re trying to learn something new, or when you’re cooking, or when you’re explaining a new dish that you’ve always wanted to try and he was finally able to grab the proper ingredients for you. 

He’s been preoccupied, letting you take over all the time in the world.

“I mean, I hope just closing your castle doors will keep people away, but...”

Greta sighed, looking towards her people.

“..We’re going to start losing the light soon. Let me show you where the weapons are kept..and then we’ll look at the outside.”

-

Alucard continued to throw himself into working with the townspeople, working with Greta to make sure their defenses were up. That they felt safe. And when the night came, the last remaining ounces of people he would have until the predictable fighting began, he thought of you. He wondered if you’d ever forgive him for the treachery he committed. The nightmares that he brought to your home. Alucard could never just think it his castle again. You were the light that shone down on him, showing him the good in people again. Teaching him that he can be kind, and forgiving, and patient. You showed him how to love learning about the unknown again. Your very existence permeated through the cracks of the walls, an existence he yearned for more and more with each passing second. 

He missed you. He missed you more than he missed the ghost of his father, hell he might even miss you more than he missed his mother. And you were only a wall away, and yet it might as well be galaxies and oceans between you. He should have done more, should have done better after bringing you to your room to rest.

Adrian lifted you from the ground, holding onto you like you were the single most precious being in existence. You sobbed into his chest, nails sinking into his skin as he walked towards the castle. He whispered sweet nothings to you, hoping to calm your torments. But it all fell on deaf ears, you just wanted to be back inside. 

As he approached the doors Greta had confronted him about the man who had just run into the forest without an explanation as to what happened. Alucard scowled, pressing you closer to his chest. “You’d do well to kill him should he ever rear his ugly head around here again. I’ll be less forgiving.” 

“And why would I do that?”

He didn’t want to have this conversation with you here. He also didn’t feel right talking about your past at all. It wasn’t anyone else’s business. He turned away and proceeded to walk away from the confrontation, leaving with “Should I ever see him again, his body is the next on the stakes in front of my castle.”

He shouldn’t have left you alone. He shouldn’t have said that he had important matters to attend to. There was nothing more important than you. He should have stayed with you, and held you as you slept, and begged for your forgiveness when you woke up. But he left, and his heart felt like stone weighing him down to the core of the Earth. Alucard sat in his study, head heavy in his hands as he wept, tears dripping in splatters on the cold hardwood. It was hard to breathe.

And then he wept more, because oh, he realized this is what love is. And that he loves you. And that he’ll only ever love you.

And love hurts.

[williamrikers]

some incoherent thoughts about THE queer rights scene of 2023

i love that in this episode, kawi had to confront his latent fears about being part of the queer community. notably, we can see his face on "queer people do not have the same rights that straight people do". if he wants to act on his feelings for pisaeng, this is the reality he will have to accept--and this is the reality he has been trying to avoid for A LOT of years at this point.

he spent so much time trying to make fetch happen, conform to society's standards by step 1: romancing a beautiful woman, step 2: ???, step 3: profit. however, even when he did manage to romance pear, he failed to go through with the other ""normal"" heterosexual milestones: he refused to marry her, refused to start a family with her, both of which she explicitly asked him for. kawi never outright says this but i would like to think that the reason he doesn't is because deep down he does not want those milestones for himself. the original plan before he started time traveling was "make pear fall in love with me". the plan never went any further than that. apparently, once she was in love with him, kawi then didn't really know what to do with her.

because all that time, kawi had been deluding himself. had been hiding from the truth of himself because the truth was scary and painful, not just on a personal level but in a "if i admit this about myself, my rights might be taken away, my humanity might be questioned" way. and in this scene, kawi had to confront that. had to be told, yes, this is the risk you are taking. and kawi decided that for pisaeng, that risk is worth it.

one of kawi's main flaws that he's been struggling to overcome is his tendency to run away. max called him out on this a few episodes ago, and the whole story even starts with kawi running from the bleak reality of his lonely life by escaping into his own past.

kawi, pisaeng and max all have storylines about not running away, about choosing to stay and fight: for pisaeng and max, that choice is mostly geographical, but for kawi, that choice is spiritual. he has to choose to stay by pisaeng's side and fight for him. he has to choose to be honest and upfront about his feelings. he has to choose to live his life in the present and taking on the challenges life throws at him without running away from them.

interestingly, in this episode where he truly starts to embrace that, the episode opens on his father finally and irrevocably dying. some things can't be changed even through magical time travel. some things kawi has to face, no matter how hard he tries to run away from them. (and yes, i am extremely smug about having predicted this correctly.)

not gonna lie, "love for your body, your soul, or even love for someone else" changed me on the molecular level. queerness as love for our bodies and our souls, man, that just hit me today, especially because i honestly Do Not love my body. i can't bear to look at myself most days. but recontextualizing that desire to change myself into a shape i will be more comfortable in as love... i think this show somehow gave me therapy today?? idk i'm very incoherent about this but man. this is going to stay with me for the rest of my life.

GOD, my man kawi is so scared. SO SO SO scared. always has been. and him having to confront that along with everything else he's had to confront is just so beautiful. he has to embrace the fear if he wants his life to be better. there's no magical button that's going to take the fear away (ironic, on the show with the magical time traveling device), he has to confront it and power through it, and we see him do just that in the confession scene.

that confession. jesus, kawi is TERRIFIED. he tries to tell pisaeng like three times and can't do it every time, up until pisaeng threatens to leave again and kawi is like. no. not having pisaeng in my life is even worse than telling him the truth, and it just breaks out of him. that confession scene is just utterly brilliant on so many levels, because at this point, kawi has learned to speak gracefully and with purpose, and he does that, but it is so clear that he's also deeply afraid. and pisaeng teasing him about it by letting him believe for a moment that he won't go out with kawi... these two deserve each other. they're both idiots. why am i crying.

everything in this show has been about growth from the start: pisaeng going from marrying a woman he knew he could never love to outright saying "i'm gay" to his homophobic mother, kawi going from being a cringefail anti-social shut-in to someone who can speak and listen gracefully and with humility (when he tries). and those journeys weren't easy! we saw kawi struggling for eight whole episodes to become a kinder, more sociable person. we saw pisaeng literally flee the gay club the first time he went there.

because love isn't just about feelings for someone else. (max actually mentions those last.) love is, first and foremost, love for ourselves, for our bodies and our souls. and, as max says:

this show is a love story, but more importantly, it is a story of growth. of kawi and pisaeng loving themselves enough to embrace the fear and the uncertainty and daring to love themselves and each other, daring to live their truth. daring to grow and change and embrace these changes. and some of those changes they go through stem from their love for each other, while others deepen their love for each other (personally, i think we'll see more of the latter in the upcoming episodes).

pisaeng loved kawi from the very start. he loved him as he was: a shy, awkward loner. in pisaeng's opinion, there was nothing wrong with kawi, no reason not to love him. however, they can only love each other after kawi makes the effort to change himself, makes the effort to "become a better man", as the lyrics of the theme song would have it. because that shy, awkward loner could never stand in front of tall, gorgeous pisaeng and tell him with emotional honesty and complete certainty that he likes him and wants to go out with him. and a relationship can only work if both parties are equally invested in it.

[atarathegreat]

HELLO :DDD! (If reqs are open) Can I request like, basically any characters you want somehow-someway on some Takemichi type shi, going to the past and seeing their s/o but as a child(like, 8 or or 7). I feel like it’d be a fun concept to experiment with, especially with Koko

(Also, if you take anons, can I be 🍀 anon or 🪄 anon if it’s taken?)

🍀Anon it is! I love it! I've been thinking about how to do this and I hope I've finally got it.

ft: Kokonoi Hajime I couldn't think of any others at the moment that I could spin to make it sound good :p

Being married to a man who seemed overly concerned about how much money he could earn was less than ideal, made worse by the fact that he avoided telling you what he did for a living. Curiosity ate away at you like termites every day. How could you live so freely without a job, and yet Kokonoi still kept you both in a penthouse with a beautiful view? Regardless of your arguments, he'd never tell you and promises to never drop the subject. There were just some things that needed to stay in the dark. Like his tattoo that you always ran your finger over and how he always afforded the silky sheets he kept you embedded in when you thought you were getting the upper hand.

No, he wouldn't let you find out that he was a killer, that he was a dangerous man. Kokonoi dreaded that you could look at him with hatred and disgust. So he keeps it hidden. At least, he thought he could. You were inquisitive, nosey even, and you always found out what he was trying to hide. You were searching again. For what, you weren't quite sure anymore. It started by looking for an old game you were sure you had, then for a stack of towels that you left on the couch, and now you were on top of the fridge, searching in the little cubby cabinets. A small scooch this way, and a bit of a shift that way caused you to fall from the fridge. It was an awful fall, and you slammed your head on the ground pretty hard. "What the hell..." Pain throbbed in the back of your skull as if someone were knocking on a heavy door and hoping to be heard across the road.

A nice breeze ruffled your shirt, your elbow popping slightly as you sat up and looked around. There was no mistaking the huge school building in front of you, or the students around you. You had just been on top of your fridge, hadn't you? Unless you fell and had a whole unconscious episode of your life and marriage.

"Y/n? You alright? How did you fall?" Chiyoko, an old friend of yours, was hanging over you. Her dark, purposefully fluffy hair with thin curtain bangs swung slowly over your head. Chiyoko had always been pretty, even to other girls in the school, but you couldn't help but laugh at her. "That hairstyle is so 2003." Softly grunting as you stood revealed your old school uniform. Shorter, paler, cotton clothes instead of the expensive things Koko had bought you earlier in the month...

"Maybe because it is 2003, asshole." There was no mistaking the annoyance in your friends voice as she slapped your head, "And you have the same style."

That couldn't be right, you had just celebrated Koko turning thirty! She handed you your school bag and you rifled through for your phone. Everything was old, outdated but new for the time. Maybe you were losing your mind. There was no way in hell that you had gone back in time!

"I, uhm..." Students filed past you as you tried to make sense of everything, "I need to go find someone..."

Kokonoi told you once that in his teen years he skipped school often and hung out at some sketchy places. It took all day and a few close encounters with some less than savory groups before you arrived at the last spot. It was the last known location he'd ever told you about. Warehouses bunched together as they held nothing but empty air and gang fights. In the future they would become a fresh food market that you visited often to make Koko's favorite dessert. Right now they were dark and creepy and made you scared for the first time as you felt a heavy hand on your shoulder.

"Now why would a little thing like yourself be searching for a Black Dragons member?" A deep voice accompanied the firm hand on your bag strap. Tall, that's all you noticed as you craned your neck to see who was behind you. Tall, angry looking, and definitely a dangerous teenager. "I'm just looking for Kokonoi Hajime..." The kids eyes widened as you spoke, as if he couldn't believe you had the audacity to speak up and say what you were doing.

"And what do you need me for?" The familiar I'm better than you drawl of your future husband broke through the silence. Kokonoi looked so different. Black hair instead of white, the same lines shaved into the side of his hair. During your marriage, since you hardly had time to see each other, he would allow you to fix his hair and have at least that little bit of time together. Kokonoi looked cute in his younger years, as opposed to the intimidating and handsome way he looked in the future. "I..." And it finally dawned on you that you hadn't even met Koko until 2006, "Uhm...I don't know..."

"Then you should leave." His kind smile hid the malicious intent he always had. As soon as Koko's hand touched your elbow you jerked upwards.

It was dark out, all the lights in the house on as Koko's private doctor crouched next to you. There was no more pain in your head, despite the heavy fall and the bruises on your arms from possibly hitting more than one thing on the way down. "Are you alright, darling?" Kokonoi was leaning against the counter, gun trained on the doctor, "He can't leave until you are."

[eerna]

eerna what's going on in s3 bridgerton your posts and answers making me scared to watch on my life lmao

pls don't hate me, Colin lovers, but I was told by a friend who read the series that he's more fun and chill in the books and also i just....find Polin from even s1 is kinda uhhhhh?awkward?? cuz he's kind of unnecessarily serious and so not chill in the previous seasons?? maybe i don't see his appeal because I'm no Penny but i do not see his appeal in the show

so rn i haven't even watched it and seeing your posts is making me moreeeeeee 😶‍🌫️ it's okay give us the cringey details

Nsbysbbsb NO WORRIES!!! I have a weirdly big amount to say about this show bc I am no longer suffering as much as I did in s1 and 2. Prepare for an essay on my feelings on Polin and thank you for enabling me.

Ok so Colin. Not saying your friend is wrong bc I didn't read the book, but p much everyone I saw talking about it said Colin was very angry and aggressive in it, and for NO REASON since he's supposed to be the "calm brother". I'm glad that the show let him get upset, but never the way he was in the books/Anthony was in s2, where I legit worried about Kate's safety sometimes. Colin was my fav Bridgerton brother bc he was totally different from all the other men on the show, calm and silly and romantic.

Thar being said!!! I never ever thought of him as a GOOD love interest, and s3 only made it worse. First off, yeah, s1 and 2 do NOT show him and Pen as friends nearly enough to warrant the speed of their connection in s3. I blocked s2 from my memory bc I hated it So Damn Much so I can't 100% stand behind my words, but I don't really remember many friendly scenes with the two of them that didn't feel like he was just entertaining his sister's bestie? I remember he once danced with her, and he sent her letters from his travels, and that's it. Then in s3 we are supposed to believe Pen knows him soooo well, she sees through his tricks when no one else does, he can't stand losing her friendship when she stops talking to him. How, when the impression I got from their relationship was "oh she is clearly silly in love and he doesn't care about her enough to notice"!!!

And s3... Oh boy. Colin gets his "glowup" and becomes a rake bc Bridgerton writers would probably spontaneously combust if they wrote a virgin male lead. We see him flirt and smash other women and it is always so so so awkward. I've seen people trying to rationalize it as "Oh he is supposed to be pretending, oh we are supposed to find it cringe" but NO, he is objectified the exact same way Simon and Anthony were, and we as the audience are supposes to think it is sexy. To be fair, Pen finds it concerning but I think that has more to do with the amount of silly, vapid women constantly swarming around him. So now we are even FURTHER away from seeing any reasons why the two of them would be friends. And then we get hit with the "Colin teaches Pen how to find a husband" plot, and oh my god it is so bad, IT IS SO BAD, they have like 2 lessons across 1 episode before they are busted and stop and he literally taught her NOTHING she IGNORED HIS ADVICE AND FIGURED IT OUT BY HERSELF but everyone treats him like a war hero for taking one for the team and teaching the poor unlikeable social reject how to act. We also have the stupid scene where she is criyng begging him to kiss her because she is convinced otherwise she would die without being kissed, and he is trying to elegantly avoid it, and oh my god, I hated this, it is framed as cute and romantic but it is so uncomfortable and bad. AAAAAAAA. Anyway. Then there is this hilariously horrible incident where he saves her from a feral balloon, and if you are wondering wtf am I talking about, its because it is really bad and written like a Scary Movie slasher scene. There are exactly 3 moments that I liked, and ALL of them were bc Colin seemed very lost and desperate. First was when Pen told him they should stay away from each other after the scandal of them hanging out came out (which I liked bc if it were any other girl, some unhinged character would force them to marry, but since it was Pen they were like "Well obviously it's true there was nothing untowards happening it is just cringe haha loserrr"), and he looked like he stopped comprehending English. The second was when he was confessing his feelings, he got on his knees and looked like he was about to cry and I thought that was sweet! Well, he did mention torture which is a very ugly word to use in such a speech, but whatever. The third was after the Infamous Carriage Scene when he says something silly and the two giggle together and I was like PLEASE WHERE WAS THIS ENERGY IN S1 AND 2!!

And may I just say!! The actual Bridgerton Glowup one was PEN and NOT COLIN. In s1 and 2 you could tell she was pretty, but in s3 they made her so damn beautiful that my friends and I would go "Oh wow" several times per episode. And it's not only the clothes, they would put her in rooms where she pops out and sparkles and frame her in shots just perfectly. Idk why they only gave her 1 alternate love interest and then shot her Like That, there should have been at LEAST one more guy following in Debling's trail. Now she's the hot one in the relationship so I can't buy her desperation for Colin's approval or society's perception of Colin as a charity in any way.

With all that said. I think this is the best season of Bridgerton proper. It still isn't something I'd enjoy unironically, but at least it is neither a horrible age gap dynamic feat. SA nor a horrible disgusting juggling of sisters feat. murderer vibes. The only thing I'd say is worse than it used to be is the clothes, which are slowly creeping towards The Reign level of ahistorical and bad.

[alannybunnue]

Ok, Imagine: Daemon and Rhaenyra having a bastard child in Yan!HOTD AU

I always like to start these posts blaming someone for my crazy ideas, but today is not @missglaskin 's fault, it's you @rosaryos, you did this to me...keep going.

T.W: The entire plot of HOTD with spoilers and maybe some other things, like, seriously, it's the Targaryens.

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Prologue:

So we all know what happened in episode 4, Rhaenyra and Daemon almost committed Society crimes(You know what i mean) and did it on that brothel, but then Daemon back away and left like a b*tch. But what if he didn't?

And once they were done, Rhaenyra being a young horny soul still went for that Cole stick. Just to keep things as they were in the plot.

And then all the drama happen, including Rhaenyra and Laenor's marriage, but we all know they never consummated because of fruit preferences-

And then 9 months later, Rhaenyra gives birth to a baby girl with silver hair and violet eyes that shine. Of course, she knows it's not Laenor's, much less Criston's...it had be Daemon's.

But she let it aside to avoid drama, specially after the birth of the boys.

No one questioned your legitimacy, since there's no proof of Rhaenyra being with Daemon and you had all the Targaryen features...even if your grandfather likes to say that you have Laenor's nose.

You are the realms delight (taking your mother's title) and the heir to the Iron Throne after your mother. Everyone adores you and it's already considered a crime to make you sad, not gonna lie, you use that to your own advantage.

Your mother and "father" both are proud of you, you are the role model for every girl in the realm, the kind and polite princess...when they are looking, in reality, you could incinerate the Red Keep if you wanted.

Viserys is the funny proud grandfather, he liked to watch you playing around as you grow, it kinda reminded him of Rhaenyra when she was your age. But you way more gracious.

Jacaerys is the brother who is always willing to protect from everyone and everything, even a frickin spider, puts you on a pedestal and will fight anyone who dares to take you away. Now Lucerys is the type to gain your affection by pretending to be hurt, since he's the youngest of the bunch. They both are pretty possessive, like your mother.

Even if you don't look nothing alike, you never brought this up, like it never bothered you. Even if Alicent brought it up a few times behind your mother's back.

Speaking of Alicent, she and her kids adore you. Alicent takes on a motherly role with you, while Helaena, who is the closest girl to your age, is more of a sister, who you like to hear rambling about her insects and still tries to understand some of the things she says. Now Aegon has always being a creep, and his special likeness on you doesn't change that, but he doesn't too far by his mother's warning(She knows her son and his tendencies), as for Aemond...do you know those childhood crushes that you idolize and all? That's him (Don't worry, it's gonna get worse).

As the boys all are pretty competitive, specially when you watch them spar along side your grandfather. They look forward to you admiring them and saying how well they went.

But in reality, you wanted to be there with them. You always wanted to learn how to fight too. But the adults were completely against this, scared that you would get hurt, but isn't that the point on learning?

Either way, you suppress this by watching the boys spar instead (with Aegon being a fckin show off)

Sir Harwin is also very protective of you, not just because he is fcking protective of your mother as well, but he views you as his own daughter, like the boys.

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Episode 6:

You were with your brothers and Sir Harwin when Laenor and Rhaenyra arrive with baby Joffrey, while he seemed a bit agitated, just until you got closer to see him, then he immediately stopped and remained calm. You looked at him more clearly, he was just like Jace and Luke, so you knew that he wasn't Laenor (None of you are anyway-) so you feared on how people were going to discuss more about the legitimacy of your brothers and judge your mother, you can't handle the drama.

Then Luke and Jace are sended to the Dragon Pit, you don't go after them, for you don't have a dragon of your own, since the egg never hatched. Which made you jealous of your siblings.

But there was someone who could understand your frustrations, Aemond, who also doesn't have a dragon, but different from you, he's constantly picked on by his and your brothers(But they would never make fun of you though, that would be a sin at this point-).

Before he was brought to his mother, Aemond went to you for confort after the boys gave him a pig, and boy YOU WERE ANGRY, sure, they did many things before, but you developed a strong bond with Aemond at this point and this more than insulting.

You knew it was Jace's idea, you made sure he realized how he messed up. And he did apologized(To you, not Aemond-) But he knows you wouldn't forget what he did so soon, and you might not speak to him for the rest of the day, the same for Luke.

You didn't even look at Aegon, and that made the boy confused as hell, until he realized that you weren't talking to your brothers as well.

Again, you were watching the boys spar with your grandfather, as he commented on how this could created a bond between them, and as much as you admired his perspective, you weren't clueless enough to believe that would happen.

You also were aware of Sir Criston's favoritism towards Aegon and Aemond, dedicating himself to teach the two better then with your brothers. But you never understood why.

And things just got worse when Sir Harwin punched Sir Criston. all because of the stupid comment he made, you watched as the guards dragged Harwin away from your brother's instructor.

You worried for your mother right away.

At the small council, Rhaenyra tries to calm the conflict between her and Alicent by betroth Jace to Helaena, but her offer was striked back by Alicent, who instead offered to marry you to Aegon.

There was 15 seconds of silent before both left the room, Rhaenyra out of disgust and Alicent out of shame. Both knew of Aegon's tendencies, Alicent more than Rhaenyra. So only the Gods would know what he could do to you if you were to marry. Even Viserys pointed that it wasn't a wise offer from Alicent later on.

Soon, Harwin had to leave to Harrenhal, he came to say goodbye to you and your family. You were sad to know this, Harwin was a good man and a good paternal figure to the boys. He bid his goodbye to you all and left right away.

That encouraged Rhaenyra to leave King's Landing to Dragon Stone immediately. Before you went away, however, you met up with Aemond and Helaena to say goodbye, only getting to exchange looks with Aegon as you crossed paths. You did noticed his disappointment and mad look.

Now in Dragon Stone, things might be less chaotic, of course, that's until you received the news. Harwin Strong died in a fire on Harrenhal and Laena Velaryon, your father's sister, died after a failing on giving birth.

Gods be good.

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Episode 7:

It was a bright day, but sad and filled with grief, as Laena's funeral started. You never knew her personally, nor did you knew her family. You only heard about them from your parents, as you watched the coffin being thrown into the water, you noticed the looks of others at you. But only one intrigued you, Daemon Targaryen, your grandfather's brother and Laena's husband.

Daemon was conflicted, not just because of what happened, but at this new discovery of his, as he watched you approach him to give your condolences, he noticed your features. You were not too far from Rhaenyra's oldest son in age, but you looked nothing like him. And Daemon never heard of of Rhaenyra having a daughter.

You spend the rest of the day trying to confort Laena's daughters, Baela and Rhaena. You could understand a bit of how they felt, as you viewed Harwin as family, but you couldn't attend his funeral, as your mother pointed that it wouldn't be proper.

You also tried to talk to the others, your grandfather, Alicent (And you did noticed clubfoot looking at her, but didn't questioned), Aegon and Aemond(which you discovered of Aegon's engagement to Helaena, poor girl)

At their conversation, Daemon asked about you, demanding to know whether you were his and why Rhaenyra never told him. Your mother simply said that due to him abandoning her for Laena, she didn't bother him with this information. The argument continued until one thing let another and everyone knows how this ended (Two horni mfs)

You couldn't help but feel betrayed, he was the only one who understood you and now, he goes and steals a dragon that wasn't his to claim to just rub it on your face?

At night, you were awakened by Baela, who told that someone stoled Vaghar, Laena's dragon. You immediately went after them to find Aemond, declaring that he claimed the old dragon.

Soon there was a fight, and you did your best to stop it before it got messy. But the boys shoved you on the ground and keep fighting. Right after, you heard Aemond calling your brothers "bastards" and you saw Luke cutting his face.

You were all taken away by the guards. And as the maester took care of Aemond's face, you hugged your brothers. Unlike them, you luckily just had a few scratches.

Soon the adults arrived, your mother went straight to check on you, Jace and Luke. As the maester announced the Aemond lost his eye forever, you felt a bit guilty, but you couldn't deny that he was at fault.

Alicent demanded justice, and Viserys denied it, the whole argument was a pain to be heard, you only focused on your brothers, as Daemon and Rhaenyra guarded you three. And then Alicent tried to attack Lucerys, you blocked him while your mother held the Queen, which resulted in her being cut.

You stayed at your mother's side as the maester treated her wound and your brother's. Laenor finally showed up and regretful, apologized deeply for leaving you all when you needed him.

...and then he died.

The news striked you hard, he was your father...at least he raised you, you lost a lot in less then a week. But you kept your composure, for your mother decided to marry Daemon right after, and you were a witness together with your siblings.

After that, Rhaenyra sat you down and told you the truth, about Daemon being your true father and you were technically a bastard, not anymore, since they got married.

Now your life was turning upside down and it was just the beginning

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A/N: Thanks for reading, i wrote this out of distraction, for i will be posting less now due to my studies, but i am not going anywhere.

[warblogs17282]

Going from Stolas being a disney princess -> horny Blitz -> the fight -> the next fight next episode -> oh shit i did something bad here for fucks sake -> attempt at apology -> Stolas kinda moving on -> ???

Has really set up the course of the season. In my mind, 2 things can happen.

They don't see each other at all. Stolas avoids Blitz, and Blitz is scared to do anything because he's trying to take Verosika's advice

They see each other far too much. Like they're both everywhere.

Now, both of these have potential... And I think both can lead to a voice messy argument (again) where both finally apologise and they both finally see the others side.

Thanks for the ask I like doing these :)

My prediction is this, it's going to start as 1 and progress into two, when it progresses I'm assuming the last episode, my guesses based on the trailer is that ghostfuckers is the Blitz trauma healing episode, with the line Blitz says overlayed onto the mental breakdown scene (it is not being said in that exact scene) being 'I destroy everything, I make everyone's lives worse.' I believe the leviathan demon (I think it is one anyways) makes Blitz face his traumas by some means, he's already shown to have strong powers (possession, shapeshifting, the painting thing), being forced to face those traumas seen in picture 2 and 3, could possibly lead up to the mental breakdown we see Blitz have in picture 1, or the other way around.

The episode after that I have nothing to really substantiate it but I've always had this theory in the back of my mind that Vassago is going to be more of a mentor/support figure to Stolas, as what Stolas needs more than one night stands is actual friends, what helps better if it's a person that can actually understand Stolas, down to the family he was born into, being the Goetia. Let's be real, the rom-com speech Stolas gave while drunk in apology tour? That's real telling about just how isolated Stolas is from the real world, romance does not work like a rom-com and Stolas needs to learn that asap. Plus Stolitz cannot get back together without Stolas realising his own problems as well. Blitz's butler imps comment in full moon and 'You get off to getting plowed by people you look down on.' the line before the one in the picture. It proves that Stolas has not learned from the night before, and that Stolas is still being accidentally racist to imps, Stolas doesn't know he's doing it but Blitz clearly hears and feels it, which in conjunction with the mess that was the party for Blitz, I'd imagine the most reasonable thing for the both of them to do at this point is go no contact while they learn from their mistakes and problems that prevent Stolitz from truly happening.

Which puts us into the last episode, my guess for it is this, something happens to Stolas beforehand, because there's no way purely Andrealphus set this up on his own, he's a lower rank than Stolas, potential Paimon involvement? Healthy communication happens for a bit, they get interrupted by the attack on Stolas, they somehow fend off the attack, then they continue to talk healthy or just realise how they both messed up hard and be good friends again at the very least. There is that Octavia scene in the trailer as well, maybe she's got something to do with the divorce proceedings and the sudden loss of Stolas' powers, most likely played like a puppet by Stella and Andrealphus, because her one line in the trailer is how her father never loved mother or Octavia (because Stolas cheated on Stella with Blitz), Octavia does not know about much of the abuse Stella gave Stolas, making Stolas seem like the bad guy to Octavia.

So yea that's my theory on where the rest of the season is going to go, starting off at 1 from here out and eventually progressing into 2 around the end. Again thanks for the ask, I enjoyed writing this :)