#i can feel myself being calmer while i go on

[david-box]

I'm gonna do it anyway but wtf is the name of that thing you use to stop triggers

[latanyalove]

When You're Injured PT Two

So sorry for posting this so late! Thank you for all of the support in the previous part, which is here! Part 3 is coming soon! WC: 3,513.

Please support me by liking, reblogging and commenting on this! Also please follow for more content!

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Tag list: @metonimia-de-bellota, @veroxbarnes, @plan3t-plut0, @karichu19, @awkwardspontaneity, @drakulana, @twismare, @pascalmode, @bluegalaxygirl, @lavanderdreamve, @jxstmxlly15, @rivui, @norasincubi, @theladyofmanyfandomsofficial, @athena-portgas, @aechmea01, @rossetter and @phsycochan

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As Law worked on his paperwork, he felt the stress building inside him. He had been working on it for hours, and yet he still hadn't made any headway. He was starting to feel overwhelmed and frustrated by the seemingly never-ending pile of documents. He felt like he was wasting his time, and it was only making him more anxious.

Law took a deep breath and tried to focus on the task in front of him. He knew he could do it if he just stayed focused and kept pushing through. He took another deep breath and forced himself to keep going. He knew he could do this, and he was determined to finish the task.

Rubbing his temple, Law heard someone open the door. He looked up to see his navigator standing in the doorway, a concerned look on his face.

"Law, are you alright? You've been in here for hours and I was starting to worry," Bepo said.

Law nodded and tried to smile. "I'm doing alright, I just have a lot of paperwork to finish," he said.

Bepo nodded and stepped into his office. "Do you need help with anything?" he asked.

Law shook his head and smiled. "No, it's okay," he said. "I can handle it. But thank you for offering."

"Oh! Maybe I should bring Y/N to make you feel calm," Bepo said out loud as if it was supposed to be a thought.

Hearing your name made his eyes widen and his heart start to race. He quickly tried to compose himself, not wanting Bepo to know the affect your name had on him.

You were a special case.

Law had taken a rather special interest in you because of your Devil Fruit, the Yume Yume no Mi, the ability to shoot a cosmic ray to make people fall asleep for a desired amount of time or fall asleep so deep that they could die.

You also had the ability to control people's emotions, but only if a flower was present. He had found himself drawn to you and your ability, and you two had become close.

Although he was embarrassed to admit it, he felt calmer just by being around you.

"Have you seen her around recently?" He asked Bepo in an 'uninterested' tone.

Bepo shook his head and replied, "Nope but I saw her with Ikkaku going into the forest. Why do you ask?"

Law felt a wave of disappointment wash over him. He knew that he had no right to be disappointed, but he couldn't help it. He had been hoping to see you to help him with his paperwork, and he had been looking forward to spending time with you.

He quickly brushed away his disappointment, not wanting Bepo to know how he felt. He forced a smile onto his face and said, "I was just wondering. I'm sure I can finish this by myself."

Bepo nodded, not seeming to notice Law's sudden mood change. "Well, if you need anything, just let me know. I'll be around," he said as he was about to leave his office.

"Hey Captain, I heard my name being said," Ikkaku said, looking at Law curiously. "What's going on?"

Ikkaku stepped into the room and saw Law and Bepo, both of them looking surprised to see her.

"Oh nothing-" Law started but Bepo continued, "We were talking about Y/N, wasn't she with you last? I heard you two were headed to the forest."

Ikkaku nodded, confirming Bepo's question. "Yes, we were. We were looking for some materials but we parted ways to cover more ground. Why do you ask?"

"We were just wondering if she was coming soon," Bepo added.

Ikkaku looked shocked as she said, "I thought she already came back since I didn't see her for a while,"

Law glanced towards the window, the sun was slowly sinking behind the horizon, casting a golden hue over the sky and painting the clouds a soft pink. The sky was alight with a mesmerizing array of colors, as the sun's final rays of the day illuminated the sky in a beautiful display.

Strange, he thought to himself, you should be back by now. You usually do a daily report to him before you go to sleep so it can't be that.

He couldn't help but worry, as he knew that the forest was a dangerous place and anything could have happened to you.

He finally decided. "I'm going for a walk," He said in a nonchalant tone. He wanted to check if you were okay. He figured a quick walk to the forest wouldn't hurt anyway.

He thanked Bepo and Ikkaku and left the office, quickly making his way to the forest.

Bepo and Ikkaku watched as Law left the office, both of them with a knowing grin on their faces. They knew he was worried about Y/N and was going to check up on you. They knew him that long to know that.

They watched him leave the submarine and jump onto the island, heading towards the forest.

Ikkaku stated, "Well I think Y/N likes Captain more than he realises." Bepo nodded in agreement, "I hope Captain returns her feelings."

The forest was dark and still, with a creepy atmosphere that even Law could sense. The shadows of the trees seemed to stretch out, creating a menacing atmosphere, and an eerie silence hung in the air. The wind whispered through the trees, carrying a chill that made Law's skin crawl.

He could feel eyes watching him as he made his way through the forest, and he could almost sense the danger that lurked in the darkness. He knew that this forest was full of unknown creatures and secrets, and he was careful to stay alert as he made his way forward.

"Y/N! Y/N, where are you!" Law yelled out as he gripped the sword firmly in his hand.

His voice echoed through the forest, but there was no reply. He kept calling out your name, but all he heard was the rustling of the trees and the chirping of the birds. He finally stopped and took a deep breath, his heart racing as he tried to think of what he should do next.

He was about to turn back when he heard a faint voice calling out his name.

He immediately rushed towards the voice, pushing himself to walk faster and faster as he heard the voice call out again. He could hear the pain in your voice, and it sent a wave of panic through him.

Did something happen to you? Was there anyone still on this island? Were they after you? Why you and not him?

Suddenly, a loud scream pierced through the silence, echoing through the forest and making Law jump in shock. Without thinking, he started to run, his heart pounding in his chest as he raced towards the source of the scream.

He was filled with dread as he ran, fearing the worst. He could feel his heart in his throat as he ran faster and faster, his feet pounding on the ground as he desperately ran towards the scream.

"Don't! Please stop!-"

Anger started to boil in him as he ran, his blood pumping through his veins as he thought of all the possible dangers you could be facing. He wanted to reach you as soon as possible and make sure you were safe.

He pushed himself harder, and soon he could see the clearing ahead. He was so close, and he could only hope that he was in time. . . .

"So what are pirates like you doing here?" you asked.

You had heard rumors about the Heart Pirates docking on your island, so when you saw a ship docked near the shore, you knew it was them. You approached cautiously, not sure what to expect.

Everyone seemed to be on edge, no one daring to approach the pirates or even speak to them. Everyone was aware of their reputation, and the potential danger that they could bring. All eyes were on them, and the atmosphere was tense. Everyone was cautious, not wanting to be seen as a threat.

But you were different. You walked straight towards them with a smile on your face, your steps firm and confident. You knew that if you showed any fear, they would take it as a sign of weakness and attack.

So you kept your head held high and your shoulders back, determined to show them that you were not afraid. You kept your gaze steady as you approached them, your heart racing as you wondered what they would do.

As you got closer, the Captain, Trafalgar D Water Law, looked up at you with caution. He had a stern expression on his face. His eyes narrowed as he looked at you up and down. He was clearly not expecting anyone to approach them, and he was apprehensive about the situation.

Despite his caution, there was a hint of curiosity in his gaze as he looked at you, as if he was trying to figure out who you were and why you were here. He seemed to be assessing the situation, trying to figure out if you were a threat or not.

He remained silent, his eyes never leaving your face as he waited for you to speak.

"So what are pirates like you doing here?" you asked.

He was slightly shocked at the calmness in your voice but still replied, "We're only here to repair our submarine and then we'll be gone."

The villagers, who had been whispering and murmuring to each other before, got louder and more animated after seeing your interaction with the captain. They seemed to be surprised and intrigued by your boldness and even more so by the captain's response.

They exchanged glances, whispers, and nods as they discussed what had just happened.

"By any chance, did you see any ships around-"

"Miss. Y/N! You can't run off like that!" An elderly woman screamed as she pushed her way through the crowd in front of her. "Master wants you back immediately!...."

When the woman saw you talking with Law, she became quiet and her eyes widened in shock. She stopped in her tracks, her mouth hanging open as she stared at the two of you. It was clear that she was completely taken aback by the scene before her.

"Master? Who's Master?" "I heard she's a slave for the Leader, the poor soul," "Look at her clothes, they're filthy,"

Like an unruly flame, rumors ignited and spread throughout the crowd. The certainty that couldn't be denied, even though it was only whispered within gossipy circles.

Law looked at you with a neutral expression, as if the rumours had no effect on him. His eyes were clear and his gaze steady, showing no signs of pity or sympathy.

He seemed to accept the situation as it was, without passing judgement.

Something you haven't seen in a while.

"Y/N L/N! You are to be taken back to your cell!" Royal guards stated loudly as they charged in the same direction.

The crowd parted to make way for the guards, and the woman stepped aside without a word. The guards were armed with guns and were determined to take you away. Law remained still and watched as the guards approached.

He seemed to be deep in thought, his brows furrowed in concentration. He looked up at you and opened his mouth to speak, but before he could say anything, you raised your hand up.

"Tell the leader not to follow me, I'm not coming back,"

At first thought, a cosmic ray shot from your hand and everyone except for you and Law had dropped to the ground. The villagers were unconscious, their bodies limp and their breathing shallow.

The Royal Guards had also been affected by the ray and the only sounds that could be heard were the faint whimpers from the villagers and the echoes of the guards' armor clattering on the ground.

Law stood in stunned silence, his eyes wide with shock as his gaze shifted from the unconscious villagers to you.

He had only one thought in his mind. He had to know more about your ability.

"What were you going to ask?"

"If you've seen any other ships around the area, it doesn't matter if it's a pirate ship. I just want to leave here-"

"Then come with me and join my crew."

He didn't know why that memory flashed in his mind. The time he had first met you.

Was it because he knew there was a chance that you could die? Or was it because he felt a deep connection with you in that moment? Or maybe it was something else entirely?

Whatever the reason, the memory of their first meeting stayed with him long after.

He ran faster and faster, his heart pounding as the memory kept playing in his head. He ran until his lungs burned and his legs ached, but he still kept going, as if running away from the memory would make it disappear.

"Sir! Please stop!"

"Looks like you've lost your manners. You only address me as Master," His voice was demanding, with a hint of anger.

"I'm sorry," There seemed to be a pause. "Master. I didn't realize I had lost my manners. It won't happen again."

"Now you are going to come with me and stop this little adventure of yours, you know you're mine,"

"I bought you. I own you. You are my possession. You don't just get to leave me when you want."

As the voices grew, he felt his heart racing with fear. He knew he was going to be confronted with something unpleasant, and he felt a chill run down his spine.

He knew he had to face whatever it was that was waiting for him, so he took a deep breath and prepared himself for what was to come.

He saw a clearing ahead and what he saw made his blood run cold.

There was a man strangling you and you were grabbing his hands, trying to break free. He wanted to run in and save you, but he was frozen in place, unable to do anything.

He watched, helplessly, as the man tightened his grip around your neck, and he felt a rage unlike anything he had ever felt before.

He didn't know why, but the sense of rage and fear that had taken over his body made him forget everything else. He dropped his sword and ran towards them, not caring about the consequences and only focused on saving you. He was determined to do whatever it took to get you away from the man's grip.

Get away from her. Leave her alone. Don't touch her.

He felt a surge of adrenaline as he threw the man to the ground. He was filled with rage, and he could barely contain himself. He punched the man again and again, and the man let out a loud groan.

Law was determined to make sure the man wouldn't hurt you again. He kept punching him until his knuckles were bloody, and he could feel the man's body going limp beneath his fists. He continued to punch him until he felt the man's body go still, though he still wasn't satisfied.

Until suddenly, a sense of calmness filled his body, making him confused. He looked around, not quite sure what had just happened. He could feel his heart rate slowing down, and the anger slowly draining away from his body.

He felt a strange sense of peace and tranquility, as if he had just been released from a spell.

He was so overwhelmed by the sudden change that he didn't know what to do. He looked around and saw the man lying on the ground, unconscious and badly beaten.

There was no one else that could have made him feel like that. Except you.

He quickly turned around to look at you, your hand out towards him.

You used your power on him.

He could see the fear in your eyes, but there was also something else there, something he couldn't quite put his finger on. He slowly walked towards you, never taking his eyes off you.

He felt a sudden surge of panic as he watched your hand drop to your side, and he rushed to your side.

He quickly put his ear to your chest, listening for your breathing and heartbeat. When he heard them, he let out a sigh of relief. He slowly placed his hands on either side of your face, gently cupping it in his hands. He looked into your eyes and smiled, relieved that you were still alive.

"Are you okay?" He asked quietly, his voice barely above a whisper as he looked into your eyes, searching for any sign of discomfort or pain.

"I- I'm okay," You answered, your voice shaking as you looked into his eyes.

"Are you sure?"

". . . . No,"

"He's not going to touch you again, I promise." Law reassured you, gently brushing a strand of hair away from your face. "No one will ever hurt you again," he said in a soft voice, his eyes never leaving yours.

He reached up and ran his thumb over your cheek, wiping away a tear that had escaped your eye.

Even though you nodded at his statement, it did not provide him with any reassurance at all.

"Law?"

"Yes Y/N?"

"I don't think I'm going to make it back," You shakily said, lowering your shirt to reveal a green patch that was spreading across your arms and chest so that Law could see it.

Law's eyes widened in shock as he stared at the spots that had spread across your body. He had no idea what it meant, but he could tell that it wasn't good. He quickly put his hand on your forehead, feeling your temperature.

Too hot for you.

As soon as he noticed you were starting to close your eyes, he immediately stopped you and said, "Hey, hey, stay awake,"

"I'm sorry for troubling you-"

"You're not," Law replied, taking a position where he would be able to carry you while using one hand to grab the sword that he had dropped onto the floor.

It was then that he stood up with you and started to run back, now seeing that there were hundreds of men scattered across the area that lay motionless, having been the victims of your abilities.

When he looked down at your weak form, he wondered how on earth you had been able to defend yourself against so many people at once.

Please stay awake a little longer.

"Law?" Your lips trembled as your gaze wandered unconsciously across his chest.

"Yes Y/N? I'm right here, just keep talking."

"If I die, I just want you to know that I've liked you for a while now."

In the middle of his steps, he froze in place.

"What?"

All of his coursing thoughts were made into one single question: You liked him?

"I thought I was being too obvious but it seems that even the Surgeon of Death can't even catch on to things like that." You chuckled to yourself yet there was no amusement on your face.

As you glanced up at him, hoping to see if it was a smile or a grin, you were surprised to see that it wasn't either, but rather one of horror.

You knew it. He never did like you.

"Leave me here. More reinforcements are going to come now and they're stronger than ever. I'll keep them back so you can escape-"

"Stop talking."

"But-"

In an instant, a glance had you stop what you were going to say, instead you paid attention to your breathing and not the reaction that he showed to your confession.

Law was everything but calm at this point: you were currently dying of an unknown injury, more reinforcements were coming for you and you just confessed your feelings to him.

You were a big part of his problems, yet he couldn't just let you go.

There's never been a feeling like that for him before.

He would miss you even though he saw you an hour ago. He got into flowers because it was part of your ability. He'd let you stay in his office and he wouldn't mind.

For goodness sake, he ate bread because you asked him to!

Could it be that he was also in love with you?

Feeling your head drop back made him jump slightly, and he quickly moved to cradle you in his arms. He felt a chill run through his body as he realized you was slipping away.

He quickly put his fingers on your neck and felt for a pulse, but it was slow and fading. Fear began to surge through him as he realized that time was of the essence.

He didn't want to admit it but he was losing you. . . .

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[eimids]

Tension

Leah Williamson x reader smut

Reader is questioning her sexual identity, Leah’s here to help.

warnings: Smutt, first time

Words: 3.3k

Being a 24 year old virgin is hard. Myteamates at arsenal ask me about my sex life quite often but yeah no. Still a fucking virgin.

I just think I'm atill a virgin because I've been questioning my sexual identity forever. Now i'm thinking that I'm romantically attracted to men but I couldn't imagine having sex with a man. That is just a no. But I'm more sexually attracted to females. Although I could imagine being with a female romantically. So I guess that makes me bi? Pan?

I have had mixed feelings about my teammate Leah. She's really pretty and I can't help but glance at her every now and then. There's tension between us.

Sexual tension.

I have never really had anything like this. She's been flirting with me during training and one time we shared a room and I could see her staring at me when I got out of the shower. We have known each other only for 5 months since I moved to arsenal but we are actually gotten quite close.

Today Leah asked me to go to a bar with her. I felt excited but nervous at the same time.

I was running late. When I showered I decided to shave my body just in case anything happens. I had a huge problem with my clothes. I didn't want to be too fancy but I didn't want to look like a bum. I ran outside to my cab and climbed in.

I saw Leah standing next to the bar. She was looking around to see me. I wasn't really sure if other teammates would also be here or not.

Our eyes met and she smiled at me. She waved at me and I walked to her. She was wearing a gorgeous oversized blazer.

"Hi Leah" I said and smiled. I was leaning in for a hug but then I remembered that she really doesn't like hugs.

"Hi y/n. You look gorgeous" Leah said as she checked me out.

"So do you! What are you drinking" I asked and then added "wait don't say. Just ordered me the same that you are having. I'll go to the bathroom real quick" I said and left. Leah looked a little confused.

I was so nervous that I was feeling nauseous. 'Why am I so nervous, she's just a teammate' I thought to myself. I stayed in the bathroom for a while until I was feeling calmer.

"Sorry that you had to wait" I said when I walked back to Leah.

"It's fine y/n. So here is your drink" She said and pushed a drink towards me.

"Thank you. So is this a girl's night or is it just us tonight?" I asked. Still wondering if other teammates like Beth, McCabe and Less would show up.

"Today it's just us. I want to get to know you better since you are the newbie" She said and smirked.

"Hey don't call me that" I said sounding hurt. Of course with sarcasm.

"You are the newbie tho" She teased.

"Fine. But you said you wanted to get to know me. What do you have in mind?" I asked.

"Nothing special. Just want to get to know you. Like where did you grow up, why you decided to join Arsenal and do you have a boyfriend?" She said. I was little taken back by the boyfriend question.

"I grew up in Sweden and England. I moved a lot when I was younger, I wanted to join arsenal so I could get better at the best club. I do not have a boyfriend. Nor girlfriend" I answered her in one breath.

"Slow down y/n. We have all night to talk. Follow up question. Do you like girls?" She asked.

"Yeah I do. I've been questioning my sexuality for so long but yeah I like girls. I mean how can you not. But how about you" I answered.

"I'm lesbian" She said "and single" She added and winked. I blushed a little.

"Would you girls like to have anything else?" The bartender asked suddenly. I noticed that she was looking at me.

"I think we're good" I answered and smiled.

"Well if you need anything just let me know" She said and winked at me. She slid a card to me where was her phone number.

Leah had a weird look on her face. I couldn't figure out what it was until it hit me.

Jealousy.

Leah Wiliamson was jealous because some bartender was flirting with me. I was feeling quite special. From all girls in the world she chose me to go to a bar with.

Leah then put her hand on my knee. Her hand was going little higher as she drew some patterns to my knee. Butterflies filled my stomach again. How was this happening. A literal goddess next to me.

"Y/n I'm gonna be a little forward now" Leah said and I nodded.

"I really want you in my bed. Ever since you joined the team I haven't been able to take my eyes off of you. You are intoxicating. I have always just wanted to kiss you, to have you"

To have me.

I was really wondering if this was real. Leah fucking Wiliamsson telling me that she wants me.

"I... I want you t-too Leah" I said not so smoothly as I thought it would be.

"What about we get out of here?" Leah asked and stood up.

I nodded and she put her hand possessively on the small of my back. We walked to her car and she opened the door for me and then went to the other side of the car to get in.

The ride was full with tension. Neither of us said anything but Leah’s hand was on my upper thigh the whole ride.

I got lost in my thoughts. Suddenly the car stopped and Leah walked to my side of the car and opened the door. She helped me out from the car and we walked inside her apartment building. It was big fancy building.

Once we got to the elevator she pushed me against the wall and smashed our lips together. I kissed her back and we made out intensively in the elevator.

Once we got to the highest floor we entered Leah’s apartment. A fricking penthouse.

"Wow. This is-" i started but Leah closed the door and once again pushed me against the wall.

"Y/n I need to know that you are okay with this?" Leah said with her lips right next to my ear.

I nodded. Not getting any words out of my mouth.

"I need a verbal answer. Are you okay with this?" She asked again.

"Y..Yes Leah" I said and licked my lips.

"Good" She said and attached her lips back to mine.

We made out for a while until she moved her knee to my pussy. I don't know what she did but I let an embarrassing sound from my mouth. She chuckled at me and pulled away.

"Go to my room. I'll be there soon" She said and I started walking. Then I realized that I don't know where her room is in this huge apartment. I was turning around to ask but she said "Down the hall, the last room".

I continued walking to her room. I opened the door and then I was in the most gorgeous room that I have ever been.

I sat on the bed admiring Leah’s room. It was quite dark. There were led lights that brought some light. They were really bright white color. There was two doors on the other side of the room and the other side was just  big window.

I heard steps coming towards the room. My pulse quickened and I felt red creeping on my cheeks. Leah opened the door and walked in. She was now wearing only pants and bra and she was holding two glasses with maybe water in them.

"My god you are beautiful y/n. I can't wait to have you. You are so pretty sitting there. My good girl. You just do things to me. I can't act normal around you at prac" She started. She walked next to me and put her hand on my face and then carefully to my neck.

"Beth has been teasing me about you for months now. She has noticed that I'm different around you" She continued.

"No I'm finally having what I have wanted for months. You" She ended her sentence.

Leah wants me.

Then I began to panic a little. 'Do I need to tell Leah that I'm a virgin. What if I don't know what to do. What if Leah thinks that I'm gross down there' I thought to myself.

Leah obviously noticed me becoming tense.

"Hey what's wrong" She asked.

"Nothing. It's just I.." I started. Do I really have to tell her that I'm a virgin.

"Y/n It's okay. I want you to be comfortable today. I won't do anything you are even the slightest uncomfortable with" Leah said comforting.

"It's just that I...I'm a virgin" I said. The last part was barely a sound. It was so quiet but for my surprise Leah just smiled.

"Well that's even better. I get to be the first one to show you how good you can feel. I get to show you what your body is able to do" She said and started kissing my neck.

"Now tell me y/n, have you ever had an orgasm?" Leah asked. I flushed bright red. Even more red than I was before.

"No" I answered quietly.

"I love that. I get to be the first one to show you what an orgasm feels like. And don't be so embarrassed, it's okay y/n. Relax a little" Leah said. And kissed my lips softly.

"I think you are little too dressed for this occasion" Leah said and flipped me over. She unzipped my dress and carefully removed it from my body. She then flipped me back so I was looking at her.

"God you are beautiful y/n" She said and put her hand gently around my neck.

"Today I'm gonna make you feel things that you have never felt. I'm gonna make you come over and over again. But now you need an safe word. When you say the word I promise I will stop everything I'm doing. You can say it if something hurts or if things feel just uncomfortable. I want you to enjoy this night" Leah said.

"I don't know. What should it be?" I asked confused

"Well it can be anything. Something that you will remember" Leah answered. She was kissing my neck.

"Umm Rose? It has spikes and it's red so I associate it with danger usually. It's also my favorite flower" I answered I was starting to ramble but then I decided to try to touch Leah put she pinned my hands above my head.

"Rose it is. Whenever you say that I promise I'll stop what i'm doing. And please if anything is uncomfortable tell me. We can take things slower. But now you are being really inpatient, aren't you" Leah said and licked her lips.

"Please can I touch you Leah?" I asked.

"Not yet Princess" She answered and my heart fluttered and the nickname. Leah continued kissing me. She unclasped my bra and threw it away. She swirled her tongue around my nipple and I just moaned. I couldn't help the sound leaving my mouth.

"Mhmm don't stop Lee. It feels good" I said breathing heavily.

"You are already moaning and I have barely touched you" Leah said and sucked my nipple. The words that Leah said made me wetter than I already was.

"Lee please I need more" I asked pleading.

"I know you want more but I promise you will feel even better if we do this slowly" Leah said and then started kissing my stomach. She went lower and lower until she was at my panties.

"Is it okay if I take these off?" She asked and immediately answered yes.

She used only her mouth to take them off. She threw them somewhere and then kissed my inner thighs. I was feeling super needy and I wanted her already to fuck me already.

"Please Lee. Please just please" I begged.

"Is my girl needy. You want to know how my mouth feels on your clit and my fingers inside you?" She asked.

"Yes. I want you to fuck me. Please" I said. I was feeling so weird. Everything was too much but not enough at the same time.

"Oh god Lee” I yelled when I finally felt her mouth sucking on my clit. She swirled her tongue around it at the same time. Just that could have made me explode.

She then dipped one finger in me easily. She tested if I was wet enough and the she pushed another in me.

"God yes!!" I moaned loudly. My breathing became heavier as something started happening inside me.

Leah was going a slow pace with her first tongue. She flicked it on my clit before starting a faster pace. Her fingers slowly curling so they were touching more of my insides. Then they hit a spot that made my back arch and my body felt like it was on fire.

"Fuck Leah right there. YESS" I yelled but Leah slowed down her pace. She then stopped and straddled me again.

"Don't come until I tell you to" She said and I was about to protest and then her thigh touched my clit and I moaned.

Leah smiled as she was looking at me. She slowly started to move her body and I started to grind on her thigh. My mouth opened and moans left it.

I was so vulnerable for Leah. I just wanted to pleaseher and not come but I was so close. Leah was controlling me but in a good way.

"Please" I whined.

"Not yet y/n" She said and brought her hand to my cunt and pushed her fingers inside again.

She was going fast with her fingers and again she started flicking my clit. Then she curled her fingers against the same spot that already made my back arch.

"Leah, I-I need t..to come" I was shaking under her. The feeling was so strong.

"Now. Do it. Come for me Princess" Leah said and I let the most ungodly sound. I felt like my body was on fire as it shook. Leah’s fingers were still moving inside of me. I tried to control the shocks going through my body but all I could do was moan.

"Fuck, fuck, fuck.." I moaned as the white continued to cover my vision.

I cried out nonsense. My body was trembling with the overwhelming feeling. My pyssy was stretching and tightening around Leah’s fingers with every thrust.

Slowly I felt every movement stop. I could only hear Leah’s breathing and my own. My body felt numb but in the best way possible.

"Wow, that was... that was wow" I mumbled while panting.

Leah laughed a little. My body was still shaking.

"You were so good my princess. I know I keep telling you this but you are so incredibly beautiful. Especially when you come" Leah said and kiss my lips. It was more sensual, more gentle.

"Can- can I do that again?" I asked curiously.

"Yeah you can. I can make you come many more times but I bet you are really sensitive right now" She said and swiped my clit gently. I buckled my hips. My clit in fact was sensitive.

"But i wanna feel that again" I said pouting.

"Hmm I have an idea but I wanna know that you are 100% comfortable with it" Leah said and I nodded. Curious what she had in mind.

"I have a strap in that closet. Do you know what it is?" Leah asked and I nodded.

"What if we use that?" Leah suggested and once again I nodded.

"Princess give me a verbal answer" Leah said softly.

"Yes Lee, I want that" I needed something so badly I could have cried.

She then stood up and walked to the closet. She finally took her pants off and put the harnest on. She then walked back to me and layed next to me. She flipped me so I was on top of her next to the fake penis.

"Are you sure about this?" She asked

"100%. I promise" I answered.

"Good girl" Leah said and the praise made my heart beat faster. She grabbed lube from her nightstand and put it on the strap. It was now nice and slippery.

"Okay princess, Whenever you are ready" Leah said and put her hands in my hips.

I got on top of the strap and slowly started going down. Leah’s strong hands were supporting me as I slide down the dick. It was stretching me perfectly.

When it was fully in me tears started to form in my eyes because of the pleasure. I waited for a while to be comfortable and then I moved up slightly and then back down.

"Fuck. Lee, I feel so full. You are making me feel so full" I moaned.

"You are doing so good baby" Leah said and I moved my body against the dick. It hit so many good spots. She started to lift me slowly up and down on the strap.

I felt tears coming down from my eyes as I was slowly bouncing on the strap. Leah was praising me but I really couldn't hear them because I was so focused on chasing my orgasm.

I started to bounce faster and faster on the strap. Leah looked surprised at my pace.

"I- I-I'm gonna cum" I said and my eyes rolled to the back of my head.

I kept bouncing on the strap and I brought my hand to rub my clit. Everything was perfect. Everything felt so good but little overwhelming.

Then it happened again. My body started to shake uncontrollably and I felt like million little shocks were going trough my body. I came hard on the strap. I could feel liquid come out of me.

Leah’s hands supported me as I really couldn't control my body.

"Rose. Rose" I quickly said when everything was too much. Tears in my eyes.

Leah immediately flipped us over and took the strap out of me. My body still shook a little because it was still climaxing.

"You are okay princess" Leah said and took the harness off. She then took a blanket and covered our bodies with it. She wrapped her arms around me as I came from my high.

"Are you okay?" She asked?

"Yeah. It was just little too much but wow it felt good" I said and laughed.

"Thank you for telling me that it was enough. And I'm glad you enjoyed it" She said and smiled. I smiled back at her and quickly fell asleep on her arms.

"Wake up. We are here" I heard. I opened my eyes and I was in a car. The car was parked in front of a bar. I was in a cab. 'What is going on?' I thought until I realized.

It was all a dream.

——

This is actually a fic i have written some time ago but i decided to post it here.

[ryker-writes]

if you want, can you do a thing where the reader has a habit of scratching skin till it bleeds. It's a habit I have and do when anxious, yes it hurts but pain makes it easier to ignore thoughts about what ever is causing me anxiety. Also god forbid they have have acne of any bump in their skin cause that can and will be scratch off. This scratching dose leave scaring and they do it constantly cause this world is unfamiliar and magical so lord knows what could happen to you. You can use any characters you like tho I would like Vil for obvious reasons. If you do make this then thank you and have a fulfilling life.

of course dear anon! I can relate to this one a little bit because I have a lot of anxiety myself and used to do something similar. I don't do it much anymore so there's no need to worry, but I do encourage you to find a different way of ignoring the anxiety and/or seeking help fir anxiety. Anxiety is a very tough thing to deal with and if you need to talk to somebody about it, I will gladly listen <3

I decided to add some of my favorite TWST boys to this so apart from Vil, there's also Malleus, Silver, and Leona

Request rules and Masterlists

Vil:

Vil is very familiar with anxiety and some signs of anxiety

many people get anxiety before big performances after all

so when he sees you scratching your skin so much, he's able to recognize that it's probably anxiety

and he can see the small scarring on your skin too

Vil isn't going to stand for this

whenever he sees you start to scratch, he will give you something, anything, for you to hold in your hands

and he asks you to hold onto it for him for a little bit and take care of it

his goal is to get your hands doing something else even if it's holding the object or fidgeting with it or whatever

as long as your hands aren't damaging your beautiful skin

and I do mean he will give you anything

he's handed you his textbooks, his eyeliner, and even his Pomefiore crown once

being in a new and unfamiliar world is sure to cause a lot of anxiety

but he tries to be there for you as much as he can, and slowly help you adjust to the world around you

he's also roping you into his skincare routines now

Leona:

he's actually a very observant guy

so you bet he sees you scratching your skin, but he might not comment on it much unless he sees you scratching hard enough to break skin

at that point he's going to drag you to a place that's calmer like botanical garden and try to get you talking about it

he'll ask you about your world while keeping your hands away from your skin

basically anytime you start to scratch, he just moves your hands away

you may think he'll lose his patience doing this, but he actually doesn't

he just listens to you while laying down and keeps moving your hands away

and he listens very well

Leona has actually taken mental notes about your world

so when you start feeling anxious about being in a strange dangerous world again, he brings you to somewhere calmer again, but this time he tries to show you something you're more familiar with

he'll even have Ruggie bother Sam to make something if they don't have it in their world

Leona isn't the type to hover around you, but he usually tries to check in on you from time to time to make sure you aren't scratching too much

Malleus:

I'm gonna be honest, he probably doesn't know how bad anxiety can get in people

so originally when he sees you scratching, he doesn't think much of it

that is, until you start bleeding

then he is very invested in why you're scratching

you probably have to explain it to him

once you explain that it's anxiety and being in a new magical world causes a lot of anxiety, he is very concerned

he's noticed the small scars on your skin, but he didn't comment on it in fear of upsetting you

but now that he knows those are because of the anxiety...he's very determined to help you stop

Malleus starts hovering around you a lot more after finding out

he just worries about you

whenever he sees you scratching, he will do almost anything he can to help

like he goes through different strategies each time

his magic helps a lot with this

usually he tries to use his magic to make your surroundings look more familiar or he'll create something for you to focus on

and if he isn't able to help in time and you start bleeding, he's immediately there with his healing magic

Silver:

Silver knows a bit about anxiety, and he's seen you scratch at your skin a lot

but he doesn't want to assume it's anxiety

he will ask about it though after he notices your scars

and he's a very good listener and is very understanding

he can perfectly understand how being in an unfamiliar world causes anxiety

Silver does want to help you tho so you don't hurt yourself anymore

unlike some of the others, his method of helping isn't changing your scenery

whenever he notices you getting anxious and starting to scratch at your skin, he just grabs your hands and holds them in his own

there doesn't even have to be any communication, he'll just do it

and he has no problem holding on until you start feeling better

when facing something that causes a lot of anxiety, he'll stand next to you holding onto your hand

it's very nice and good reassurance that you're not alone while keeping you from scratching

even if he falls asleep while holding onto your hand, you're not getting it back until he wakes up

[nothomegal]

“The little owl family” (Part 6)

(RZ!Michael Myers x GNReader)

Summary: your and your little sister’s life had an 180° turn when your parents got into a severe car crash, dying on the spot. You, being already past 18 had to figure out how to keep things afloat and give yourself, specially your sister, a good future. And you did! It was hard but you did it and became the absolute hero in the little girl’s eyes. People would often involuntary smile at the dynamic of your two, so wholesome and supportive, the perfect family bond.Bond that a certain Boogeyman noticed as well…

Warnings: a very light reference to suicidal thoughts at the beginning.

Word Count: 4k

Additional info: Gender Neutral reader. (S/N) = sister’s name.

(Part 1) (Part 2) (Part 3) (Part 4) (Part 5)

It's been a day or two after that late meeting between (S/N) and Michael. And... Things went oddly well from then! The little girl became more relaxed in his presence, and would often send him small waves when (Y/N) wasn't looking, and Michael would often answer with the same little wave. It became a little secret game of theirs, it was simple yet fun. The numerous close calls of getting caught or suspected by the older sibling would always awake the childish mischief inside of the man, the possibility to fool around a bit made him feel oddly comfortable and at ease, like momentarily experiencing the childhood he never had.

He also noticed that (Y/N) themselves began to act more on ease around him. There weren't as many death glares sent at his direction, mostly just some cassual glances as if to check what he's up to or where he is. He won't lie, he kinda missed the attention he used to recieve, but this calmer and passive (Y/N) wasn't too bad neither, it kinda made him feel more normal and welcomed actually.

But soon he began to notice that maybe this sudden passivity didn't start out of nowhere, and the reason would be uncovered pretty soon...

. . .

A light groan escaped through (Y/N)'s lips as they make their way towards the kitchen after putting their little sister to sleep. While walking, they've been holding their bandaged hand close to their chest, an instinctive attempt to soothe the throbbing pain that only increased over the days. They're pretty sure their awful sleeping also played a huge part of why the pain is so unbearable. The countless nights they've spent guarding the door of (S/N)'s room and staying on high alert durning most of the day over the past week really drained them, both phisically and mentally. Leaving just enough energy to breathe and maintain a positive actitude around their sister.

They let a sight of relief once they stopped in front of a counter that had all the medicines in. The older sibling reaches for the container of painkillers only for it to be suddenly snatched away right under their nose.

Already knowing who did that, they slowly turn towards the responsible of it, tiredly glaring at that stupid emotionless masked face they hated with burning passion.

The two of them remained still, observing each other in silence. Michael didn't even tilt his head, meaning that he wasn't wondering or asking, no... He wanted to know what they're doing and he wanted to know it now.

—"...What?"— you eventually blurt out.

No answer or movement.

—"I'm not going to kill myself, I just need some medicine because my wrist hurts..."— you elaborate tiredly. —"Can you give in back, please?"—

Still nothing.

The container was actually at a reachable distance. If (Y/N) really wanted they could probably snatch it back. But of course they're not stupid to attempt that, Michael is a very deceiving specimen and things are never as simple as they look when it comes to him and his shenanigans, (Y/N) learned that the hard way.

—"Look. I'm. In. Pain. I need this because I no longer can handle it. Please, give me back the container."—

Nothing.

They grit their teeth out of anger and frustration. Is this bastard mocking them now? Silently enjoying their suffering? Or he's genuinely oblivious of their clearly not okay state?

—"You did this to me, remember?"— you snap as you lift your bandaged hand to show it. —"You broke my wrist, it's been hurting for days and right now it's freaking unbearable. So please, just give me the painki-"—

Their heart nearly stopped when their injured wrist was suddenly grabbed by the masked man. All (Y/N) could do now is stay frozen and helplessly stare at the black eye sockets of the rubber mask, which were staring right back at their shocked expression. They didn't even notice their hands became shaky, anxiety slowly flooding their mind as they suddenly remember who is the man in front of them.

Michael Myers, the man who escaped Smith's Grove by killing with his bare hands anyone who stayed on his way, the man who scarred his own little sister for life by kidnapping her and killing everyone dear to her just because, the man that somehow escaped death and kept his reign of terror for an entire year without anyone being able to do anything... This man, this monster did horrible things, things that he can do to them whever he wants, and he may do it right now as punishment for their boldness and lack of self preservation.

(Y/N) doesn't even know what face they're making, their emotions are too unstable. The stress, frustration and exhaustion are way too much to handle right now. They can't even use the energy to mantain a stone face, not when they're trying to keep themselves from breaking down on the floor and scream out of the frustration.

They just want it to stop. They want him to go away and leave them and their sister alone. They want to stop feeling worry every second of their existence, to stop these anxiety spikes whenever the blade of his knife runs through their body as he teases them, to stop feeling fear whenever his dark gaze moves away from them and is casted on their little sister, to stop feeling guilt that creeps through them whenever they see sadness appear on the little girl's face when she catches them being upset, they wish they could make her smile again, please, make her real smile return...

They... They just want to stop feeling in danger... Feeling hopeless... Feeling like they failed...

Please...

Please... Make it all stop.

Whatever look they had, it was enough to make Michael suddenly let go of their arm. However, instead of walking away or stand still, he steps forward and closer to them, body langage unreadable as always.

(Y/N) doesn't move, they don't even look at him at this point. They simply let their arms fall limply on their sides and lower their gaze, not even noticing the hot tears sliding down their face.

They're so tired, they're done.

Their breath hitched when their body made contact with Michael's larger and warmer one, following comes the sensation of something equally solid and warm wrapping around their form in a firm grip.

The embrace was tight, maybe even tighter that the one from the night he broke in. It was hard to breathe, though (Y/N) is unsure if it's due Michael's strength or their own choked sobs they could no longer hold back. This gesture, though simple, broke them completely...

The more they quietly cried, the tighter the embrace got, as if the man was really trying to force them to spit all the angst out, and maybe he was. It's no secret that Michael has no knowlege about comfort, it's something he lacked most of his life after all. But now, right after seeing their gaze change, everything inside of him is yelling to grab (Y/N) and never let go. Their gaze... Oh, he knows that look.

That look on their eyes... It wasn't fear, it wasn't anger, it wasn't even hate. It was something dull, dull and lifeless, almost pleading for him to...

He presses his masked face against them. The only thought of having their blood on him makes him feel weird. Seeing (Y/N), who's usually composed, strong willed and straight up wild when it comes to the safety of their sister, so weak and broken in his arms, made the man feel very odd, a nasty and unpleasant type of odd.

—"...You."—

They grumble through gritted teeth as they press their forhead against his shoulder, as if really trying to hide their face.

—"I hate you..."—

He can feel (Y/N)'s fist collide with his back. Though the impact wasn't weak at all, it wasn't enough to make Michael let go, all the opposite, he only brought them closer.

—"I hate you."—

They repeat a bit lounder, tone cold yet broken.

—"Why do you still tormenting me? Why?... Why don't you just... J-Just..."—

Their voice breaks at the end of the sentence and is replaced by more cries. The punches soon ceased too, their hand slowly sliding off Michael's back. Soon their sobs began to quiet down and turn into ragged uneven breaths. They are mad, at themselves, at this man, at the world, at fucking everything!... But what pisses them off the most is that this bastard, the main responsible of their mysery, the devil everyone knows for the atrocities he commited, he's... He's somehow comforting them... Genuinely comforting them...

—"Why are you doing this?..."—

Silence.

—"Why are you making it look like you care?..."—

Because he does.

—"Why?... Why?"—

They kept repeating the same question over and over despite knowing that they will never get an answer. And to be fair, even if Michael could answer, he wouldn't. He doesn't know himself what he's doing or where this attachment came from or leads to, all he knows is that he desires to have (Y/N) close, hold into them like a predator into it's pray and never ever let go. But even with this unholy obsession, he can't deny the strange sense of comfort and completion (Y/N) brings him just by being around. Ever since (S/N) questioned him about his intentions and the strange attachment with the older sibling, he couldn't unsee or deny the way they make him feel. And even when they say they hate him, glare at him, try to hurt him... Even after all these unwelcoming actions, he just can't stop himself from wanting them around, from wanting them...

The two remain like this for a long time, even after (Y/N) stopped talking and crying they didn't move.

(Y/N) was a mess, both emotionally and mentally, yet they couldn't deny the fact of feeling a tiny bit better after letting it all out. Michael's grip on them remained tight, strong like steel, impossible to escape. It was like a cage... But a very needed cage.

No matter how much they try to deny it, deep down (Y/N) knows that they needed this, they needed someone to hold them tight as they spit all their concerns, pain and frustrations out. But that means nothing, that doesn't change the way they view Michael. Though his gesture is laudable, how do they know it's genuine? How do they know he's not taking advantage of them? Could this be his attempt to deceive them? Make them emotionaly dependent? And for what?... For what?!

What does he want from them for fuck's sake?!

They take one last deep breath, shuting down the swarm of thoughts and questions and finally calming down enough to speak properly.

—"Alright... I'm better, a bit better."—

But Michael made no movements, his grip remained strong.

They sigh again, a bit more annoyed.

—"Michael, really. I'm okay now. I-"—

They tried to lift their hands up to push themselves away, but a sudden yelp came out when they moved their injured wrist too harshly, making them recoil and Michael to finally let go.

—"Okay-... I'm not okay."— you grumble as you hold your bandaged wrist closely, trying to soothe the throbing pain.

When the ache somehow stabilized and (Y/N) looked up at Michael again, they were surprised to see him holding their car keys right in front of their face. They stare at the item a bit dumbfounded, questioning where the hell he wants them to go, until it eventually clicks.

They know what he wants them to do, and this is a golden oportunity to recieve propper help to their injury. But the anxiety and guilt of leaving their little sister alone, again, at night and with this man, is already eating them alive.

A couple of seconds of inactivity pass, and though (Y/N) was taking quite some time to decide, Michael remained stoic as a statue, patiently waiting for them to decide.

—"I..."— you sigh again, but with more determination. —"Nevermind. You're right, I need to go."—

They dry off the remaining tears on their face with a single rough wipe with their forearm. They have to quit crying, they embarassed themselves enough by having a meltdown in front of this bastart, which apparently was so bad and pity that he had to comfort them. Beside, they must stay strong, not just for their own sake but also for (S/N).

They reach for the key, but don't take it right away.

—"The terms are the same i suppose. I stay quiet about you and you don't disturb my sister, yes?"—

There is no movements from the man. Despite not seeing his eyes, (Y/N) had a gut feeling that he understood and accepted the deal. They mutter a quiet 'okay' before eventually taking the keys, without any issue suprisingly. Once all was settled, the older sibling steps aside but doesn't go towards the front door right away, instead they walk towards the stairs.

—"I'll make a quick check on (S/N) before I go, okay?"— you quickly explain before going up, not bothering to see if he did anything in response or not.

Suprisingly, Michael doesn't follow them, not this time. He remained at the bottom with his head turned towards the staircase.

To some the attention and worry (Y/N) shows for their little sister may seem overwhelming, but for Michael it is something to admire. They always place the little one in front of their own needs and safety, always checking on her and making sure she's safe and happy. Even after he came into their life, he saw the ammount of effort (Y/N) had always put into mantaining (S/N) away from him, to keep her hopes strong and always mantain that happy smile despite knowing it will dissappear as soon as he comes near...

(Y/N) is a good sibling, a very good and caring sibling. Is that how Judith could've been with him if given a chance? Would she ever made the same effort to treat him the way (Y/N) treats their little one? Would he be able to be as good to Angel? Was it too much to ask for her to remember him, to know who he is, to know her big brother was back home and be together as family ones again? Was it really so much to ask?...

"I wanna help you..."

"...But I don't know how..."

"...I wanna help you... But I don't know how..."

"...I wanna help you, but I don't..."

"YOU MOTHER FUCKER!"

Something inside of his chest squeezed uncomfortably, painfuly almost. He still remember these words and the way 'boo' screamed at him and the hate in her voice. It hurts, it hurts so much every time he remembers... He doesn't like the pain, it upsets him. Just why couldn't she recognize him?... What should he have done for that night to turn out different?...

The sound of footsteps softly going down the stair broke his train of thoughts.

—"Good news, (S/N) is still asleep. Doubt she will wake up until sunrise but I wouldn't go upstairs anyways, that girl sure wakes up from the randomest noises."— you comment quite casually.

However, they suddenly stop in their tracks when they reached the bottom and noticed that Michael wasn't following them with his gaze. A tiny detail that threw them off quite a lot.

—"...Are you alright?"—

The question made the tall man pause and realize that his hands were tightly clutched into fists. He slowly relaxes them, though an unpleasant aftertaste in his mouth and the general tension in his body remained.

Despite not having a clear answer, (Y/N) gives him a somehow knowledgeable look.

—"Remembered something bad?"—

He stays unresponsive for a moment, until he moves his head, giving a slow and barely noticible nod.

(Y/N) of course got a tag surprised, since it's the very first time Michael actually does something to answer them instead of staring blankly and let them figure out the message on their own. They don't focus on the sudden gesture though, instead they let out a small hum as they nod as well.

—"It happens... I too remember things I don't want to, a pretty nasty feeling gotta say."—

No answer.

(Y/N) seemed like they wanted to say more things, they decided against it and instead resumed their walk towards the front door. They stop to put some shoes and jacket, not minding too much the fact of them wearing pijamas. But before exiting, they look back at Michael's tall figure staring at them from the darkness, his pale masked face being the only visible feature.

—"I'll do my best to return before dawn, but no promisses."—

No reaction from the man, as expected.

They turn around and open the front door and pause again.

—"...Thank you, Michael."—

And after these words, they finaly step outside and softly close the door.

The masked man only tilted his head at this last sentence. Though these were three very simple words, he couldn't ignore how they affected him.

And the tension and ache from his memories were now completely gone, as if these bad feelings never came in the first place...

. . .

After a long wait and a ton of scolding from the doctors for neglecting their sleep and health, (Y/N) was finally driving back home. Luckly their wrist is healing fine, the sourse of the pain were the bad placement of the bandages and the overuse of their injured hand. Though they don't remember all the details, it seems like they'll be okay.

It was already dawn and the sun was slowly raising. However, they weren't too concerned, it was still early and there is no way (S/N) is awake, that girl sure enjoys lazy mornings after all.

And even after arriving home everything seemed in order, no weird vibes coming out the building and no funny feelings in their gut.

But the second they enter and close the front door...

—"(Y/N)!"—

A happy joyful voice exclaimed their name before something small launched at them into a hug with enough force to knock out some oxygen out of them. Nevertheless, the older sibling miraculously manages to mantain the footing and catch the little girl in a hug.

—"(S/N)?! How long you've been awake?!"— you ask in surprise and concern.

—"Oh... Uh..."— she thinks while poking her cheek with her finger. —"I think the little arrow on the clock was pointing at the number 5."— she innocently replies.

—"You've been awake since 5 of the morning?!"—you almost exclaim as you kneel down and take her hands. —"Are you okay? Were you scared? Did you know I was at the hospital? Did Michael do anything to you?"—

As an answer to their waterfall of question, the little girl childishly giggles.

—"It was all okay! But... I did get a tiny bit scared when I woke up and you weren't in the house, I though my nightmate of you dissappearing became true!... But then I saw Michael, and he explained that you went to see a doctor!"—

—"Michael... Explained?"— you arch your brow.

As soon as that question left their mouth, the tall man appeared at the entrance of the living room with a small toy ambulance in his hand.

—"Oh..."— you blink as you stare at the small item. —"I... I guess that makes sense how he did it."— you momentarily relax, but suddenly tense up again as you redirect your gaze to your sister. —"But seriously are you okay? Were you out your room this whole time?"—

The little girl shrinks in her place a bit flustered and embarrassed.

—"Well... I know you said last time not to exit my room when I had to stay with Michael, I swear I tried to follow your request! But..."— she bites her lip as she shrinks more. —"Please don't be mad, but I was just too scared to stay up there. You never left at night before! And... And when mom and dad left it was night too and-... And-..."— she starts hiccuping a bit by the end.

The little girl is interrupted when her sibling suddenly hugs her, holding her in a tight, secure and loving embrace.

—"Oh songbird, no... I'm so sorry if I came harsh on you, there is no way I can be mad at you for feeling scared for me."— you say as you place your head over hers. —"The first time I left, I was scared too... I was scared that when I come back you wouldn't be here..."—

A small gasp escaped the little girl and she quickly leans back to face her sibling.

—"You have nightmares of me disappearing too?!"— she asks quite surprised.

—"Yeah, I do."— you reply softly. —"Ever since I managed to convince the old ugly people to let me keep you, I sometimes have nightmares where they take you away."—

(S/N) frowns a bit, her childish mind not expecting that her usually super brave and calm sibling had such fears and concerns.

—"So please, don't feel bad, okay? Let's just be happy and celebrate that I made it home safely and you didn't disappear, yes?"—

—"Yeah... Yeah you're right!"— she exclaims, her happy-go-lucky tone returning. —"And Michael actually wasn't that bad! Though I wasn't in my room we still did our own things! Like, I presented him my toy dinosaurs while he stayed in thaaaaat corner over there and listened."—

—"Uh-huh..."— you mutter quietly as you glance at the tall man, who only tilted his head.

Man, if what the little girl is saying is true, then (Y/N) definetely owes Myers a medal for handling their sister's speech. Don't get them wrong, they love (S/N) to death and absolutely adore when she shares her interests and stories she invented about her toys or for their 'owl siblings' series! But sometimes she may get a bit too engaged with it.

Wait... Could that mean that Michael is being genuine with-.

—"And so... (Y/N)."—

(S/N) voice calling them snapped the older sibling back to reality.

—"About the 'celebrate' thingy..."— she says, suddenly shy.

—"You want me to make a cake, aren't you?"— you throw her an unimpressed look.

—"Yes!"— she giggles as she plays with her fingers. —"The cherry one, pretty please?"—

(Y/N) only rolls their eyes with a smile as they stand up and start taking off their jacket and shoes.

—"I guess I could make us a cake, remember the ingredients we need?"—

The little girl practically ignites in joy.

—"Yes! Yes I remember! Let me see if we have the all!"— she hurriedly says the last part before running into the kitchen.

The older sibling only chuckled as they finish undressing. They start going towards the kitchen but stopped right at the entrance, eyes already placed on the tall man.

—"Have you ever tried a cherry chip cake?"— you suddenly ask after a short pause.

The man slowly tilts his head to the other side.

—"I'll take it as a no. I'll make enough for you to have some too."— you pause. —"Don't get me wrong, it doesn't mean I trust you or enjoy having you around, but... I definetely owe it to you, for keeping an eye on (S/N) and such, and... And for what you did tonight."— you throw him a tiny smile before walking into the kitchen.

Michael didn't follow, not yet. His mind kept repeating that last image of (Y/N) over and over, from their suprisingly calm voice to the soft look in their eyes. But what would make his breath shake was the smile. It wasn't fake, it wasn't nervous, it wasn't out of politeness... It was a genuine, small yet sencere, dedicated to him and him only smile.

He lowers his gaze and places his hand on his chest, gripping the fabric of his coverals tightly.

It's hard to describe what exactly this set of emotions is, it all feels new. All he knows is that he suddenly feels warmth, a very soft and pleasant type of warmth...

It feels very familiar... Yet so distant and forgoten... As if he haven't experience these emotions for a long, long time...

...

...Happy.

He feels happy.

[misshypnofascinated]

The evening after

"The trance of yesterday was amazing~"

So. That was that, I had thanked the 'tist of yesterday for being their hypnotee for the evening. It was a fun trance, and I felt no nice and floaty. And wet, of course, but that was expected. I did not have that much experience in erotic hypnosis, but I knew for years that it could get me going like nothing else.

Now I think back, I could not remember much more of the trance, but that is okay. It was relaxing, and I felt good.

Oh! The universal tree dots of an incoming response appeared.

"I did have fun too. I hope you want to play again sometime soon?"

Ha, it seems it was not just me who liked it. Great, I love it when I make somebody happy, even when I'm blank and not actively working to make it so. And the message dots are back!

"In fact, would you have some time now? I'd like to see what you think of something"

Hmm. I'm free this evening, and it aroused my curiosity.

"Sure, what do you have in mind?"

The dots are there, comforting me that a response is coming. They have such a nice pattern, I never noticed that before.

"I want to try some of the triggers I placed yesterday. Are you still good with having those lingering triggers and after-effects there, just for this weekend? [Be honest, and let me know when you are uncomfortable]"

I smile.

"Yes, I do enjoy feeling good all day today, and I'm excited to see what you have in store for me :)"

This time, the dots are there for just a short time. Not enough time to run through the full animation.

"Oke, let's start :) [You hear a snap and remove your top and wear only your cardigan]"

Hey, what do I read now? It is like my eyes are slipping over something. And where did that snap come from? My eyes slowly become unfocused and I feel strange. It is like a veil is being pulled over my brain. I feel myself become heavy, slow. A small, single pulse of arousal makes itself known. It is almost an out-of-body experience. I feel myself standing up, and my hands take off the cardigan. My t-shirt falls to the ground, and the bra follows. Then, without much thought, I put the cardigan back on. I sit back and shake my head.

Oke, this is ridiculous. Am I getting aroused with just the idea of playing with a hypnotist? Get yourself together.

"Ready when you are~"

There are the dots again. They are so soothing.

"I was wondering how you feel? Can you feel my influence already?~"

Ha. How should I respond to that…

"I do.~ :) To be honest, I even felt something of anticipation the moment you wanted to start, isn't that silly?"

Just a quick dash of the dots. I like how fast you are.

"Not at all! You are a good subject, and I'm sure you like what we will do today, you are free to feel what you feel. [In fact, those feel-good feelings will grow and grow]"

Oh. Oh! I love being told to be good. You sure know how to push my buttons. And you make me feel so relaxed, this is one of the nicest conversations I had in a while. I do feel good, I feel tingles all over my lower body…

"Thank you~"

The dots are back. It seems like each time I see them, I feel calmer, and so focused on what you will say

"You are welcome. [You hear again a snap. You will lower your pants and find a comfortable kneeling position where you can have your arms supported]"

When I read that message, I feel my eyes glaze over again. The fuzziness in my brain, which did not clear away completely last time, returned as I stood up. I zip open my pants, and let them pool on the ground as I kneel before the chair.

I slowly blink as I read your next message.

"How are you now? Can you describe what you are wearing?~"

Ha, an easy, albeit flirty message. I know what I decided to wear this morning.

"Sure~ Some nice jeans, a white tank top, and a nice cardigan, that make me look good :)"

"Are you sure of that? Can you do a quick body check for me? [Describe your thought process here in detail and step by step]"

A what now? If they want that, they can get a detailed body check.

"For you, I can~ I have black shoes, they rest on the floor"

The dots flash by. Part of my brain is more focused on the dots than on my body check.

"So far so good…"

"And my nice jeans are on the ground?! That cannot be right? And I'm kneeling, that is not normal…"

Although some part of me feels like it should panic, another part of me finds this hot. Really hot. And a large part of me is subdued, relaxing, and waiting for more to do for you, to watch the dots, feel good, and let go.

"But does it feel wrong? And is that your whole body scan? [If you want, you may play with yourself]"

One of my hands moves between my legs by itself, not a conscious thought of me needed, as the other one keeps typing.

"There is more? My cardigan is on, I see that. And I'm sure I would be cold without it… But now I check, that is the only thing on my upper body…"

I feel that my head is so heavy. How could it hide from me that I stripped? This 'tist obtained so much power over me in such a short time. It is exciting, for sure. I rub some more as I watch the dots fade in and out as you type, just as my brain does. A vague memory drifts up, of you telling me that time between messages is for relaxation, for being guided by small animated circles that blank, just as my mind will.

"Such a Good Girl for me. Following me so well. Do you want to fall deep for me again?~"

Ohh, that feels so nice, so good. Words are hard, I feel slow. And hot.

"I feel like I'm already entranced for you, and I'm in this service position upon your command?"

The dots. There are just the dots while waiting for your next message. And my rubbing hand. I do not care when the new message comes, I just feel so good for you, both when reading what you have to say, or when I’m waiting for you to respond. Lost in your words, in your dots.

"Good girl. You are indeed entranced. Drop for me, relax, and feel good… Let’s see what this evening will bring :)"

[sweetkpopmusings]

bang chan coworker headcanons <3

a/n: i'm once again sorry it has been so long !! life is chaotic, so my writing time had been reduced dramatically :-( regardless i hope this (and the other posts i'm forcing myself to finish soon) will bring you joy ! i really really wish chan was my coworker :,-) pics not mine <3

content: fluff, nonidol!au | wc: 0.9k | warnings: none! | pairing: coworker!name x gn!reader | requests: open

you met chan while staying late to finish up a huge report before the quarter was over

you stayed so late that the lights in the office automatically turned off, so, phone in hand as a flashlight, you walked through the dark office and hoped you could get this sorted before you completely lost all will to finish your work

unfortunately, your phone flashlight did not have a wide enough range to capture everything around you, which meant you were completely unaware of chan walking toward the same spot

you were made aware of his presence when you two bumped into each other and screamed

while you caught your breath, chan asked if you were okay

you replied, still unable to see much in the dark office, “who are you?” which made him laugh

“i’m chan, usually the only one who has to bump into things in order to find the override switch”

you laughed, and, once the lights came on, you realized you recognized chan from his frequent trips to the coffee machine

he recognized you by the fact you usually had headphones on at work, visibly enjoying whatever you were listening to that day

as you walked back to your respective desks, you made introductory small talk, feeling much calmer now that there was a very small chance of another jump scare

by the time you wrapped up, it was far too close to being the next day for your liking

chan, being as caring and responsible as he is, didn’t leave until he knew you were safely headed your way home

as a thank you, you decide to bring him a coffee the next morning

he was so focused on his work that you gave him a good jump scare when you said “hi,” which immediately sent both of you into a giggling fit

that solidified the chemistry between you two, and the rest was history

chan’s coffee habit benefited you, as he would buy a coffee for you on the mornings he stopped by a cafe

you always told him he didn’t need to, and he always said it would hurt his feelings if you didn’t have as much of a morning boost as he did every morning he saw you

his cheesiness aside, you were moved by the sweetness of the gesture

he’s also very much the "iced coffee is a meal" and "this is a latte so it counts as breakfast" kind of coworker i may or may not be that coworker so you bring put fruit or granola bars on his desk in the mornings

chan beams with joy every time he sees it, but he never lets go of believing coffee counts as breakfast

chan also makes several playlists for different moods at work 

he sends them to you whenever he has finished a new one, buzzing with excitement while he waits for your review

he'll send you an old one too if he knows you need to be uplifted, get in the zone, etc.

when you make him a playlist, he practically melts into a puddle on the floor

all of his friends have that playlist memorized because he plays it all. the. time.

and yes, all of his friends know just about everything about you because you are chan’s favorite part of the workday

chan invites you to little dinners or hangouts with his friends pretty regularly since they’re all dying to meet you

you are surprised by how much chan has told them, and fairly flustered by how much chan remembers about you from quick conversations 

he teases you for blushing, but his ears are bright red which seungmin points out immediately 

one of his other favorite things is when you can hang out after work just the two of you

sometimes, if you can get off early, he’ll insist on “going on an adventure” because you’ve been gifted with rare free time

the adventure often ends up being a trip to target or something casual, but you both have the time of your lives

your coworkers always know when you two are hanging out by the sound of laughter echoing through the office

chan’s dad jokes have gotten so much stronger since he met you because he finally has someone he can pester with them all day long

if you two can’t chat during the day because you’re swamped, or because your supervisors told you you needed to stop messing around so much, chan will message you a dad joke every hour and peek over his desk to watch you open the message

you two have to hold your hands over your mouths to keep from bursting into laughter

at this point, it’s so normal that your coworkers don’t get concerned when they see tears in your eyes

your coworkers also know when one of you is out sick or on vacation because you two are so different without the other in the office

lowkey they miss you two being together like you’re entertainment for the whole office

sometimes you end up staying late at the office together, but, instead of scaring each other while looking for the light switch, you listen to music while you work in peace

or you have deep conversations because you can’t handle looking at a document for another second

you’re both enchanted by each other’s minds, and it’s so easy to have life-changing revelations whenever you open up to each other

so, while working overtime isn’t ideal, you can’t complain because you get to do it together

chan would never tell you, but on the night you met, he had finished his work before you and  decided to stay so you didn’t have to be alone <33 

what he will tell you, over and over again, is that night was the best overtime he had ever worked because it brought you into his life <33333

[lilacsbeeswax]

Could i request a story where Lorenzo and reader are siblings? And the slytherin boys are also like brothers to her. Except Theodore because he and reader are dating.

But like forgot that they had a date that evening and reader stood in the cold at hogsmead for almost 2 hours and came back to thr common room crying and Loreza askes her whats wrong and she tells him??

You can continue the stoie from here :))

Pairing: Enzo x sister!reader - Theo x reader

Notes: Gotta love 2 months of not posting 💀

Masterlist

——-

Hours. It has been hours since the time Theodore had told me he would arrive. Two to be exact, sitting on a cold bench waiting for him to come and say all the right things as usual.

It’s the dead of winter yet I can’t bring myself to leave. My fingertips turned numb a while ago and my nose had begun to run.

How could he forget? Am I that disposable to him? Am I not worth the effort? The thought alone caused hot tears to roll down my cheeks. The insecure questions kept racing back and forth through my mind. My breathing sped up and my brain felt as though it was rattling around my skull.

“Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.” I repeated, hugging my arms around my chest to self-soothe. It calms me enough to pull myself to my feet. Shakily breathing and still sobbing, I walk my sorry self all the way back to Hogwarts. Taking the most abandoned route I knew.

——-

By the time I made it into the Slytherin common room, I had hoped I’d be calmer, but tears still poured from my eyes regardless. I rushed through hoping to make it to my dorm without being seen by one of the boys.

I knew my plan had failed when I heard my brother’s voice calling me. When I didn’t stop he rushed over and stood in front of me.

“Y/n, why are you crying? What happened?” He asked.

I looked around the common room that was teeming with people before responding, “It’s nothing, Enzo.”

I tried to squeeze past him, but he blocked me. “It’s definitely not nothing.”

“Look, if we’re gonna talk about this can it be somewhere more private?” Tears continued to glide down my face. There was a massive pit in my stomach and I thought I might’ve thrown up.

Enzo led me up to my dorm and sat next to me on my bed. He wrapped his arm around and shoulder and squeezed me. “Now can we talk?” He asked.

My voice shook as I explained Theo not showing up to our date. I rambled until I ran out of tears, Enzo just sat there listening.

When I was done he hugged me closer and kissed the top of my head. He released me and announced, “I’m gonna go give Theodore a little visit.”

“Do you even know where he is?” I asked, standing and blocking Enzo’s exit.

“I know exactly where that nitwit is, come on.” He said, shoving me gently out of the way and rushing out the door. I scrambled to keep up as he half ran to their shared dorm.

Enzo sighed as he unlocked the door to reveal Theo passed out on his bed. Relief flooded through my chest, he hadn’t maliciously missed our date, he was just dead asleep. Annoyance replaced my sadness, as Enzo stepped aside and let me walk in closing the door behind me.

I gently sat on Theo’s bed before aggressively shaking him. He shot up with a gasp. “Good afternoon, jackass.” I smiled.

He rubbed the sleep from is eyes and half groaned, “What’s wrong baby?”

“I’ll give you a little refresher; you and me at Hogsmeade about 2 and a half hours ago.”

He sat still for a moment, before his eyes widened. “Oh shit! I’m so sorry Y/n!”

“You better be I stood outside in the cold for almost 2 hours waiting for you!”

“This isn’t an excuse, but I had fallen back asleep after quidditch. I wasn’t thinking and I’m sorry, amore mio.” He stood up and walked to me, grabbing my face and cradling it gently. “I would never purposefully stand you up.”

“I know. It made me really sad when you didn’t show up though.”

“And I’m sorry I made you feel that way. I love you, principessa.” He wraps his arm around my waist and pulls me into a hug and a kiss.

“I love you too, idiot.”

——-

Masterlist

[buterccup]

141 with male reader

Jumpy boii

Likes to jump on, over and through things

Smoll but very high jump

A/N: I'm so sorry this took so long anon, I somehow managed to burn myself out on the first few days of writing. I should probably take it easier. Anyways enjoy! I hope you don't mind I made this into a headcanon- just had way too many ideas.

141 with a Male! Reader that can jump very high HCS

Warnings: Usual CoD violence, light swearing, can be taken as platonic or romantic (Not a lot of romance in this but still.)

Character(s): Soap, Gaz, John, Ghost, Price x Male! reader

FEM ALIGNED DNI

It was during one of your 'normal' mission with your boys and it was going quite well.

You all were on your way to getting the target in different pairs.

you unfortunately being by yourself.

And unluckily for you the way that you chose to go had more guard than expected.

It was annoying since it was the quickest way too. (rip)

You were talking through the coms with the rest of the task force, trying to find out how far they were from your area.

"We aren't far from where you are [c/n], keep staying your ground until we get there."

And if you were going to be completely honest, you were doing just fine.

A few grazes here and there but you were holding up well in your opinion although you were running low on ammo so it was hard to tell how you were going to hold up after a while.

It soon got to the point where you had to use broken pieces of glass and metal that were on the floor to defend yourself.

Keeping your secret weapon for last.

What was your secret weapon? It was jumping incredibly high, which you kept secret from the boys since you didn't feel like they should know.

It was just jumping after all.

Only a few guards remained and you hoped that the target hasn't left the building yet.

Only around 1-3 were left so you felt calmer than before.

"[c/n] we are right by the corner- Hang on- Behind you!"

"FUCK!"

And let me tell you, the boys thought you were something completely different.

From what they have seen, no human could jump that high or far without multiple years of practice and hard training. And well they never heard you talk about years of leg days you spent to be able to do this before.

Meanwhile you thought nothing of it as Ghost and Soap shot at the other remaining guards as you jumped the guy that was behind you and strangled him with your thighs.

I mean...wow.

It looked like something you'd see in a video game or movie.

And once the guy was fully dead you quickly jumped up and hopped over obstacles in your way to getting to the guys.

"What was that."

"What was what Gaz."

"YOU- You never told us about how you could jump that high."

"The more you know<3"

Let's just say they never stopped talking about it after.

And they all had their different ways of talking about it too.

Soap would always ask about how and if you trained to jump so high and if you did always ask about your routines.

I mean come on, who wouldn't want to learn how to do that.

Either way, Soap always comments about your legs and how strong they are.

Sometimes squeezing them as a joke. Well, you think.

While Ghost and Price, on the other hand, just praise you quietly and how you should use your skill more often.

Both of them sometimes go to you if they are tired from work or just couldn't get a night of sleep last night (ahem Ghost) and sleep on your lap mumbling things to you before sleeping on them.

Finally Gaz but not least, he always tries and gets you to teach him how to jump so high too but always ends up tiring himself after an hour or two.

He even joins you and Soap when you guys are working out too.

Overall they love your amazing skill and wished you used it more often.

Requests: Open

[copperbadge]

Hi! I suspect this question may sound sarcastic or asshole-ish, but I promise it's sincere. And I realize that you're not a doctor, so feel free to ignore or tell me to DMOR, but you seem to have looked into this pretty extensively, so I thought you might have some thoughts. If you take ADHD meds and they work (that is, you don't feel any different but you can actually Do Things, which maybe gives you really positive feelings, which is not how you usually feel about yourself), how do you know that it's actually ADHD and not that normally you're just lazy, but now you took meth and you're hyper and euphoric or whatever it is that it does to non-ADHD people? Asking for a friend.

I...hm, layers to this one. First, thank you for offering a tone note because on the one hand, without it I definitely would have felt a bit hostile, but on the other hand it's very difficult to ask a question like this without sounding like you're trying to get a rise, when you really are just trying to get information. I'd struggle with that too. So thank you! I believe you are in earnest :)

I'm going to try to dig through this by levels rather than go through the question chronologically, that might cause the least amount of confusion and crosstalk. This is going to get long and quite rough and I’m going to address a lot of tender subjects including drug use, addiction, and self-esteem issues, so please read with care for yourselves. 

(I’ve tried to add in bolded topic headers so if you have ADHD and get bored of reading about one thing you can skip to the next!) 

So to start with -- and this isn’t particularly satisfying as an answer, but well...I know I have ADHD because I’ve been evaluated for it, twice now, and the doctors said I did. 

I fit a lot of the classic symptoms on the usual checklists, and while I’m smart enough to game those checklists, I tried to answer as honestly as I could. I wasn’t especially interested in getting Adderall for its intoxicant properties, since I’ve got plenty of access to other, arguably much easier to obtain intoxicants. I also, because I know myself to be someone who enjoys gaming tests for the game’s sake, made sure that at least one of the evaluations had cognitive tests that were harder to fuck with, like tangrams and memory tests and such. On the very top level, I know I’m medicating my ADHD because the tests say I have ADHD. 

But say we don’t trust the tests, or say I’m not as honest as I claim. On the next level down, but still quite near the surface, let's talk about "how do you know you're medicated and not high?" 

I've been in several kinds of altered state -- concussed, runner's high, stoned on weed or opiates, drunk -- and very occasionally I’ve been around people on coke or meth, though I’ve never done those myself. It's usually not difficult to tell that you are not functional on a normal level. It's difficult to describe how to someone who hasn’t experienced it, but for me being in an altered state like that is very evident. The first time I got a runner's high I was absolutely terrified because I knew something was wrong with me cognitively, but not why it had happened. When I woke up concussed, I knew immediately that something was wrong, but it was all I could do to get dressed and go across the street to a clinic, I was so fucked up. If you’re in an altered state and suddenly need to do something complicated, you're aware you would very much like not to be in that state anymore.

I've described Adderall as being like the most functional high you've ever had, but there are differences. If I've had, say, a weed edible, I feel calmer and happier and I'm also aware I'm stupid. I'm impaired and I can tell that. If I've taken an Adderall, I feel calmer and happier but not nearly to the same level, and there's no impairment to my intellect. Part of the calm is that if I think of something I need to do, I can immediately get up and do it, competently -- or I can decide not to. I control my impulses and actions. With street meth -- which I should note is much, much more potent than a low-dose Adderall -- compulsive behavior and lack of control are much more evident. Even if you are getting a lot done while on meth, you’re not necessarily in control of what, or how many times you have to do it to get it right. I'm told this is also often how people who don't have ADHD react to Adderall -- they’re not efficient as much as they are manic, particularly at stronger doses, which is why a) a good test of “do I have ADHD” is “How do I react to Adderall” and b) they start you on a super low dose.

When my psychiatrist and I meet to discuss how the medication is going, he asks me stuff like, do you feel you're in control of yourself? Are you having hallucinations? Do you find yourself craving a dose even when you know it would be detrimental? Do you feel your performance at work has improved, remained the same, or fallen? Do you find yourself able to focus but not able to control what you focus on?

On Adderall I do feel like I'm in control of myself, I do better work, and while I'm still learning to aim that focus, I am capable of doing so. I don't take it after 1pm because I know that'll fuck up my sleep schedule, and truthfully I don't want to. The one time I’ve taken Adderall after 3pm was because I was going to an art museum and I wanted to see how that would alter my experience, being able to focus more fully on the art and the person I was going with. And while I did have a great time, I wouldn’t make a habit of either taking the drug late in the day or taking it purely so I could have An Experience while on it. It’s fine, it’s fun, but it’s not so much fun I’m willing to mess with my sleep over it. 

I also have zero desire to drink (for the best, given alcohol and stimulants are a no-no) and a much decreased desire to get high. I don't need to self-medicate because I am actually medicated. I wasn't doing a shitload of self-medication before, but I was undoubtedly doing some, and more during the pandemic, and I can see how it would have become unhealthy had I continued. Do I still occasionally take an edible in the evening to unwind? Yes. Do I do it at the level I was doing it earlier this year? Fuck no. And I take half the amount I used to when I do, making sure I’m doing it well after any Adderall has worn off.

The question of "medicated or high" can still be a little difficult. What I said above is also what a lot of addicts say. They believe they are in control, they are better when they're on their intoxicant of choice, etc etc. "I can stop anytime I want" is like, the number one way to quietly tell someone that you, in fact, can't. Addiction's simplest definition is "loss of control over behavior" and addicts will do a lot to convince you that they haven't lost control over their behavior. (For more on this, Caustic Soda has a great episode about addiction in which Dr. Rob discusses how addiction and physical dependence differ.) All I can really say in response to this is that Adderall improves my quality of life in ways external to my emotional state -- yes, it helps emotionally, but that’s small potatoes compared to say, weed or opioids (opioids -- now there’s a drug I could get into trouble over) and weed’s way easier to get these days than Adderall. Weed does not, however, help me cook healthful meals and clean the bathroom. Adderall does.

So let's talk about the deepest part of this -- "How do you know you're not just lazy?"

Increasingly we are coming to an understanding of human behavior that informs us that laziness doesn't exist. What we think of as laziness can be caused by a number of factors: failure of executive function, fear of failure, exhaustion, avoidance of the unpleasant. Humans want to experience pleasure, it's a fairly strong primal drive, and we do not experience pleasure purely through inaction. If you should be doing something but aren't, that's not pleasurable, it’s stressful and boring. Lots of people will tell you “I fucking love to sleep, sleep is the best thing” and I’m sure they truly feel that way, but it’s not because they’re lazy, it’s because they have a sleep debt they’re banking against or paying back. There’s a lot of debate about laziness right now, but even as I refer to myself as one of the laziest people on the planet, I know laziness doesn’t exist in the way we conceive of it. When I call myself lazy, I’m using it as shorthand to say “I will find the most low-energy way to achieve something.” Because I am tired, because I have ADHD. (And also because I’m not twenty anymore.)

With exquisite timing, @thebibliosphere has very recently written an essay on this situation called “But You’re So Successful Without It”. Joy can’t take any of the medications available for ADHD, and the essay talks about what it feels like to have ADHD and to burn out because of it, which is where I was about to hit earlier this year. There is no way to call Joy lazy and absolutely no way to hear what she has to say and think that she would choose to go through what she has if she had an alternative. Nobody with any compassion would force her to. 

And here’s how I know I am not actually lazy: like Joy, I want to be doing the thing. If I need to do dishes and laundry so I’m not eating with my hands and wearing smelly clothing, but I’m not doing them, that’s not laziness. I know that my life is less pleasurable, indeed very unpleasant, if I don’t do those things. If I’m still incapable of doing them, it’s not because I Don’t Wanna. It’s because I am too tired, because I don’t feel like I can deal with unpleasant sensations on top of forcing myself to do something, or because my executive function isn’t functioning. If you aren’t doing something you should be doing, there’s usually a reason beyond “I’m just lazy” and it’s helpful, in breaking out of the mindset of “I’m a lazy (and therefore bad) person”, to ask yourself why. 

If there’s a reason you’re not doing it, even if that reason is simply “I’m so tired”, then you’re not lazy. You’re tired. If it’s because it’s unpleasant, then you’re not lazy, you’re avoiding pain. If you want to and just simply can’t, you’re dealing with a loss of executive function. 

Sometimes there are nonmedical workarounds. I wear gloves to do the dishes, I bought a cordless stick vac so my back wouldn’t hurt because I was constantly holding the vacuum cord in one hand, I blast podcasts when I’m doing something boring so my mind is elsewhere. I used to run at 3am because at any other time I was too fucking tired and I hate being out in public around strangers.

But, well, the best workaround for wonky executive function for me is Adderall. It’s not for everyone, it’s not an option for some, but for me it is one more tool -- admittedly a pretty spectacular one -- to manage a difficult life. 

All that said, the idea of being a Bad Person for Not Doing A Thing is a knot that it takes a long time to unpick. It is very freeing, and certainly less stressful, to both acknowledge that some things are beyond us, and receive help that brings them back into the realm of our ability to do. But it’s a process, and nobody can hustle anyone down that path faster than they are capable of going. So, all I can do is offer my personal experience. 

Even if this shit does kill me eventually, I’d rather have thirty more years where I am the person I’ve been in the last two months, than have fifty more years where I am the person I was in 2021. And even if I eventually have to go off it, what I’ve learned will help me not to hurt myself for something beyond my control. 

[ilovebuckers5]

✧･ﾟ: Strawberry Love･ﾟ:✧

kate martin x oc

themes:

fluff

a bit of angst idk

explicit language

reassurance

A/N: this is so short i'm sorry. i might make a master list pretty soon because writing these are so much fun for no reason. (i did not spell check this so idk if there are any mistakes)

arguments had to be my worst thing of all time. like to ever exist. so whenever me and Kate would get into one i would shut off and lock myself in my room for as long as i needed.

"that's not what i meant Liz please!" Kate called out towards my back as i stormed off.

i slammed my door behind me and sat myself on the bed. Kate immediately ran up to the door and tried opening it calling out my name and apologizing. now i will admit, i was being a bit dramatic but i could definitely tell that all these random girls were trying to make moves on Kate, and she wasn't making an effort to stop them. she didn't exactly bang on the door but she kept trying to get it open.

"Lizzy i'm really sorry. can you please let me in so that we can just talk" the heat that was in the room slowly started to fade away as her voice softened from pleading to just wanting. i sighed still sitting on the edge of our bed letting a few tears fall down my cheek. my fingers messed around with the lace i had sewn onto our bed comforter. still swirling the lacy between my fingers, Kate decided to lean her back against the still locked door. she let her body slowly slide down the door onto the floor. she pressed her ear against the cold wood to try and hear what i was doing, which was nothing but staring at the wall. i bit the gummy part of my inner lip and bit around in my own cheeks. Kate placed her head on the door and waited patiently for me to cool down like i usually did.

finally i let all my anger out by practically strangling a couple of my pillows and brushing my hair out a bit aggressively. i slowly approached the door and opened just for Kate to fall backwards onto the floor.

"shit!" i watched Kate fall before quickly kneeling down to help her up. she let out a stifled giggle then stood up straight. without saying anything and without giving me a chance to speak she pulled me into a long with soft kiss. her hands cupped my jaw and she then switched the kiss to a hug. i was a bit caught off guard but quickly eased into the kiss, smiling along with her lips.

Kate's hands moved to my thighs and lifted me up onto her. wrapping my legs around her waist, she carried my over to the bed sitting herself down while i rested on her lap. she pulled away from the kiss to get a better look at just me. her eyes stared into mine hypnotically as if she was sending a little 'i love you' through her iris'. neither of us could help but smile and continue to cuddle.

a couple minutes later i was laying on top of her with my head resting on her chest. her hands trailed across the butterfly tattoo that was on my back. i look up at her and wait for her to connect eyes with me.

"are you mad at me" i say under my breath.

"what? why wou-" kate says with slight offense in her voice before i cut her off.

"because i feel like this happens a lot and i feel like such a manipulator when i do it because i know that you will just wait and wait...." at this point i was sitting up pacing the room, rambling about how i didn't want Kate to feel super bad fro things that aren't her fault. my rant had to go on for at least 15 minutes before she pulled me back on top her lap forcing me to calm down and lay back down.

"baby its ok. i'm ok i swear, i only want whats best for us ok?" Kate said in a comforting tone that toned down the tension that started building up in my again. her hands made their way to my waist holding a firm grip against my hips. she placed a couple kisses against my lips and a trail of kisses along my neck. i slowly fall into a calmer, sleepier mood. i let all of my body weight lay atop of Kate's lap, my nose found its way to the crook of her neck and stayed there for while. Kate's grip came back against my hips as she lifted me up from the bed and onto our couch. while i was still glued to her lap with my arms around her back, she sat down and reached for the remote to turn on Gilmore girls. it only took a couple minutes into one episode for Kate to fall asleep as well. i soaked in her sweet strawberry scent and began to drift asleep.

[asoftgoth]

To ask my dream future self in case I ever escape the closet, how is weight stuff on HRT?

So much I try to read online is full of fatphobes drowning it in desperate weight loss / maintenance talk for such different body types. Would love to hear from a calmer voice what eating on E as a bigger girl is like, if it's actually that much easier to gain, whatever you've been noticing/feeling

I wanted to know this too before I started and there really isn’t a good resource at all for this kind of info, especially for truly obese people like me. From talking with other big trans girls like myself, I can honestly say is that a lot of it will depend on your genetics. I know that’s not what people like to hear, and it’s scary. A lot of transitioning seems like it’s kind of a dice roll. What I will say, though, is that if you look at your mother, if she’s a bigger woman, you will probably end up with a build similar to hers. For me, that was definitely the case. For example, when it comes to boob size people say that you take your mother’s cup size and go down a size, and that that’s what you’ll probably get.

As for my transition, when I actually started on estrogen, I lost quite a bit of weight. Although most of it was almost entirely muscle mass. I did some measurements throughout the process and so far I have lost about 25ish pounds overall but I’ve gained about 4.5 inches on my hips and lost about 4inches on my waist. I initially lost probably 40 pounds, but I’ve gained back another 10-15. So there was that aspect. I think what I’ve gained back has been fat. And definitely I’ve lost a ton of muscle. If you have a big upper body, don’t be super scared because most of the muscle that I lost was actually from my upper body. Like shoulders, upper tummy, that kind of stuff. I actually don’t think it’s much easier to gain weight on estrogen. Or at least it isn’t for me. Some people have said that it is but of all the trans woman that I know that are also feedists it doesn’t seem like it’s some super easy thing to gain weight on estrogen. It’s why I really really really hate the term “biological males”, because our bodies act like cis women’s bodies do in practically every way. 

Lastly, I’ll talk about medication’s. I didn’t see a ton of fat transfer while I was on estrogen. I saw some for sure, but it hasn’t been anything compared to what I’ve seen since being on progesterone. I’ve been on estrogen now for a year and 3 months. I’ve been on prog for about 3 and a half months of that, and I’ve seen more fat transfer while on progesterone then on only estrogen (and an anti-androgen which I still take too). What sucks the most I think about transitioning, is how long things take. Your body is going through a lot, and it’s really important for you to take care of it and help it along through this process. It’s why I haven’t really been actively gaining, and I’ve just been trying to make sure I’m eating decent enough food and drinking lots of water and getting the exercise that I need. I think that’s really the most important thing with all of this. Eventually, I probably will try gaining weight intentionally again, but I’m just kind of letting my body do its thing. It’s going through enough changes on its own.

I hope this helps!!

[the---hermit]

26|05|2023

21/50 days of productivity

Today was a bit chaotic. I am happy with everything I manged to do in the morning, because I was losing focus, but I still got a lot done. On the other hand, when I got to the hair salon to get my haircut I had to wait over 40 minutes because they were late, and that made me very unproductive in the afternoon. My goal was to write down notes for an entire chapter, and by the time I got home and everything I simply didnìt have enough time and energies to do so. I did a part, and I'll finish the rest on Monday morning. I am still planning on taking the weekend off from studying, because I really need a little break if I want to be able to work well in the next couple of weeks. I plan on doing a bit of work in the garden, and continue reading my book, and then who knows?

Productivity:

practiced Irish on duolingo (still on the bare minimum side of things but it's all my brain can handle atm)

posted this update of the 2023 genre bingo

set up the next weekly spread in my bullet journal

finished writing notes for the second chapter of M. Detienne's Creation Of Mythology

read the whole third chapter

started to write notes (and highlight them) for the third chapter

planned what I'll have to study next week to stay on track (and somehow got ink all over myself while doing that. no, I don't own a fountain pen, I am just a fool)

started downloading the recorded lectures of another class (I am downloading them just in case, I don't want to risk them being deleated. One of these days I'll download the rest)

Self care:

read first thing in the morning

got an haircut (I'm embracing the short hair for the summer, I even went a bit shorter in the back, and I am really feeling it atm)

📖:The Creation Of Mythology by Marcel Detienne, The Left Hand Of Darkness by Ursula K. Le Guin (little update for those who have been asking. So far I am intrigued by the story, I knew very little before going into it. I am struggling a bit because it's not the lightest read and at the moment my mental energies are not at their best. I find myself struggling the most with longer chapters, so I am pretty sure this is a me problem rn. Anyway I am enjoying it so far, I particularly like those in-between chapters that tell short stories and legends or that simply give you a bit more insight on the world it takes place it)

🎵:Calm Down (A Little Bit Calmer Now) by All Time Low (there will come a day in which I won't be obsessed by something they release, but this is not that day)

[mbakuetshurisprincess]

Back to Black Part 2

AN: Hey y'all! The love on Back to Black was actually mind-blowing, like I had no idea y'all would like it THAT much lol. I’m glad though it was definitely really fun to write something different for Shuri and make her (I don’t wanna say the villain that seems so harsh lol) not the good guy in a fic. This is turning out to be more of a slow burn but I PROMISE all will end well… eventually. Also about the music, I’m a HUGE Amy Winehouse fan, like love that white woman DOWN! So I’m gonna pick a different song from her discography for every chapter of this fic, something that relates to the theme of this chapter. That taglist was hell to do and I don’t even think it worked fr fr, how do the pros do their tag list??

Summary: After vowing to never step foot in Wakanda again, unforeseen circumstances bring you back and face to face with everything (and everyone) you left. 

Pairing: Shuri x Fem!Reader

Warnings: Cursing, alcoholism. 

Word count: 3,085

Suggested listening: Love Is a Losing Game by Amy Winehouse

“Love is a losing game

One I wished I never played

Oh, what a mess we made

And now, the final frame

Love is a losing game”

“Sit.” You instructed Shuri, positioning her body over the closed toilet seat. She sat down with a sigh, leaning her head back against the wall behind the toilet and closing her eyes. You took the moment of her eyes not being on yours to look at her in the light. 

She had lost a lot of her color, and while her skin was still a deep chocolate color, it lacked the depth that Wakandan sunlight brought her. Her jawline had gotten sharper, a telltale sign that she wasn’t eating as much as she needed to anymore. And although her eyes were closed, her brow remained furrowed. As if even in her thoughts she came face to face with the problems she was trying to avoid. 

Shuri opened her eyes and caught a glimpse of you looking down at her. She recognized the look that you were giving her, it was the same way you looked at her the first time she had come out of her lab after her six-month self-containment. At that time Shuri swore she would never do anything to make you feel like that again, clearly by the look you were giving her, she had failed. 

“Unbutton your shirt and get undressed, I’m going to run you a bath okay?” Shuri nodded in response and you turned on your heels, breaking your gaze from her. You approached the tub and reached to grab the tablet that controlled it. 

“I- I haven't let anyone change anything Y/N, all of your settings are still there,” Shuri spoke hesitantly. She was referring to the presets you had on set up for the tub. Shuri realized when you were dating just how much you loved baths, so as a surprise she tricked the whole tub out for you. Allowing you to make custom presets that each had varying temperatures, scents, and even playlists. You smiled lightly to yourself at the memories as your fingers clicked the relaxation button. Instantly hot water began flowing out of the tub spout and the drain locked. Your playlist entitled “Best of Amy Winehouse” started playing and the smile never left your face. The smell of lavender filled the air and even though this was supposed to be for Shuri you immediately felt calmer. 

Remembering Shuri’s word about not changing anything you opened the drawers next to the tub grabbing a bottle of lavender bubble bath. You poured a capful in and instantly bubbles filled the tub, another one of Shuri’s more mundane inventions: crazy strong bubble bath. 

You turned back to face Shuri and found her in no better state than you left her in. Her hands were fiddling with her buttons, the tired expression still on her face. She hadn’t made it past the first button. 

“Let me help you Shuri.” You said softly walking over to her. You crouched between her legs and allowed your fingers to find the buttons she struggled on. Shuri didn't move her hands and after a second she started swatting yours away. 

“I can do it myself Y/N.” She said looking down at you through her heavy lids.

You took a deep breath in and exhaled softly. “You never could let anyone else help you could you?” She was now stuck on the second button, her slender fingers unable to push it through the hole. 

“I-” Shuri went to speak before deciding not to, you were right and even in her drunk, hungover state she knew it. She dropped her hands to her sides and broke her eye contact with you. Your hands resumed their place and quickly undid the button. 

“I’m not going to fight you Shuri.” You said moving on to the next button. “I’m not gonna sit here and fight you with every step of this. I’m here to help and if you don’t want it I have no problem leaving.” You looked up at her and she sent you a nod of understanding.

You finished the rest of the buttons and pulled the shirt off of her shoulders leaving her in only the wife beater she wore as an undershirt and her shorts. You stood from between her legs and held your hands out for her to take, she obliged. She delicately placed her hands in yours and stood up, standing a good amount taller than you. You unbuttoned her shorts and slid them down her legs as she stepped out of them. Both of you were aware of how little physical space now existed between the two of you. 

Seeing her now in this more vulnerable state you were aware of just how sick she looked. While Shuri had always been slender you could now see her ribcage peeking through her skin and her once-toned body had lost much of the muscle she developed through hard training with Okoye. Shuri felt the concern in the way you were observing her and it instantly made her cross her arms to her chest, not wanting you to see any of her new scars. 

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to stare.” You said, removing your eyes from her body and putting them on the floor. “You can um finish undressing, I’ll go get you a towel.” You started walking backward away from her, creating distance between the two of you. 

“You don’t have to leave sthandwa.” Shuri’s hands found the bottom of her shirt, pulling it up revealing some of her torso. Her hands caught your eyes, following her hands, and would they have continued as she pulled her shirt up further but the sound of the water stopping pulled you back into reality. At the sound, you spun your back to face her and walked quickly out of the room, face flushed. You needed to get your head back on straight. A few pet names and a flash of her body weren’t enough to make you forget what had happened. 

You heard the sound of her body entering the water and a groan accompanying it letting you know that Shuri was in the tub. You dug through the dresser drawers and pulled out an array of butters and lotions for Shuri after the shower, along with a variety of hair products. You retrieved a large fluffy towel with a matching washcloth, a hair wrap, a new set of pajamas, and some of the hair products. You set the pajamas down on the bed before making your way back into the bathroom. Shuri’s body sat emerged in the tub with only her collar bones peeking out above the bubbles. You hung the towel and hair wrap up on a nearby towel warmer and returned to Shuri. 

Her eyes were closed and her head was tilted back, resting on the edge of the tub. You grabbed some of the body wash and squirted it onto the washcloth, dipping it into the water and rubbing it together to get it soapy. You removed her arm that was closest to you from the water and started washing it. Your mind had memorized the various scars and bruises that littered her body and as you moved further up her neck to her collarbone the memories of how she got each one faded back to you. 

It wasn’t until you got to the part of her chest that peaked out of the water that you noticed a new scar. It was no more than three inches long and by the looks of it couldn’t have been there longer than a few months. You ran your finger over it and felt the ridges signifying that it hadn’t healed correctly. 

Shuri could read your mind by the expression on your face and the way your hand gently touched her chest. “It doesn't hurt Y/N.” 

You looked over at her, you hadn’t even noticed Shuri open her eyes. Assuming the hot water and lavender had put her to sleep. You wanted to speak, to tell her that you would make sure that it healed correctly, but the words wouldn’t come to your mouth. It was almost as if your body was reminding you that healing Shuri in that way wasn’t your place anymore. So you simply nodded and continued cleaning her body. 

After you felt her body had been cleaned, you grabbed the showerhead off the wall and positioned it over Shuri’s hair before turning it on. Once again Shuri let out a soft groan as the warm water touched her scalp. You used your free hand to start finger detangling some of her curls, upon realizing this was going to be a job that needed both your hands you grabbed a bottle of leave-in detangler and poured it generously over Shuri's head. You set it down on the side of the tub and massaged the substance into her scalp and curls with delicate hands. 

“I miss you Y/N,” Shuri said, opening her eyes and tilting her head to look up at you. 

You took a deep breath before speaking “Shuri, you moved your head, I was working on the back, and now I can’t reach it.”

Shuri tilted her head back down and you continued your work in silence for a minute before she spoke again. 

“That is all you have to say?” This time she didn’t move her head so she didn’t catch you rolling your eyes. You dipped your hands into the water washing the excess product off. You stood finally from the spot you had been in for the past hour and looked down at Shuri. Normally she could tell your mood by the way your eyes looked, but for some reason now she couldn’t place your emotions. 

“What I have to say is,” You walked over to the towel warmer, grabbed Shuri’s towel and hair wrap, and set it on the sink next to her. “This is your towel and hair wrap. I left lotion, butters, and pj’s on the bed. Dry off, lotion up, get dressed, and call for me when you're done, I’ll be outside the door waiting to do your hair.” The first part of the sentence was almost cold enough to make Shuri think you might not have any feelings left for her, but the second half. She heard the softness come out in your voice when you mentioned doing her hair. She hadn’t lost you yet. 

She thought about giving a witty remark but didn’t want to push her luck with you on your first day back so Shuri responded with a simple “Okay.”

You exited the bathroom and then your room closing the door behind you. You leaned against the door and took a deep breath, “Focus.” You reminded yourself. You figured it would take Shuri at least twenty minutes to get herself situated given her state, you chose the time to enter her room again, opening her blinds immediately. You called to Isoke who stood guard outside of the door and she came in. 

“Yes ma’am?” She spoke softly, her eyes looking straight down. You hadn’t seen her much during your time in Wakanda and if you remembered correctly she had just graduated when you left. 

“Can you please have the cleaners sent in? I want this place looking more like a home when we bring Shuri back here.” Isoke nodded and turned on her heels. 

“Oh and one more thing.” You spoke, causing her to pause in her tracks. “Every bottle of alcohol, every ounce of weed, all her paraphernalia, everything. I want it boxed up and burned. Do you understand me?” She nodded again and quickly scurried out of the room. 

You couldn’t place it but something about her leaving you feeling unwell. You walked around Shuri’s room to see if you could find anything else to help you understand Shuri’s mental state. In her bed, you found an object that nearly brought tears to your eyes. It was the Build-a-bear you two had made on one of your trips to America. By the way its fur had started to matt you could tell she had been sleeping with it. You couldn’t tell how much time had passed but the soft call of your name brought you out of Shuri’s room and back to your own. Where Shuri now sat in the all-black pajama set that you had picked out for her, waiting for you. 

You looked once more at the hair products you had pulled out, ensuring that you had everything you needed. Once you were sure you sat down on the edge of the bed. You and Shuri had done this before but unlike normal this time, she waited for your signal. You gesture in between your legs and Shuri quickly scurried into her place, being this close to you was all she desired. 

Before the cheating and couples therapy and more cheating, when you were still able to pull Shuri from her lab with just a sweet smile. You would devote Sunday evenings to doing her hair, an intimate act she had only let her mother do before you. She would sit in between your legs and speak of anything that frustrated her or what inventions were not working. You would listen as you detangled and twisted her hair, preparing it for the long week ahead. Eventually similar to a child when she had finally tired herself out of complaining she would lean her head against your leg and pepper kisses to the inside of your thigh before she fell asleep. The feeling of Shuri letting you take care of her was something you cherished, especially as your relationship furthered and the time you spent together became less and less. Every once and a while when she was particularly stressed she would come to you and ask you to do her hair. And you always obliged. 

You silently began your work on her hair as she sat, first separating her hair into four sections and then working with her hair a fourth at a time. You ran a wide tooth comb through her hair, starting at the ends and making your way up, in order not to snag any knots. After detangling, you split the section into fourths and twisted each fourth. You had made your way through the second section and were onto the third when Shuri rose her voice and spoke up. 

“Why did you come back Y/N?” You stopped humming, considering if you even wanted to give her an answer. 

“Nakia and Okoye came to get me.” You continued combing through the third section. 

“And you just agreed? All the messages I sent you begging for you to come back to us didn’t mean as much as their words?” You had not forgotten what drunk Shuri was like and this was a symptom of that. There was a hint of anger in her words that didn’t go unnoticed by you. 

You let out a sigh, clearly a common theme for the night, and spoke. “No, I didn't want to come back Shuri, when I said I never wanted to return, I meant it.” 

“So why did you?” Shuri snaked her left arm under your left leg, wrapping it around so her hand could rest on the top of your thigh. Her words seemed accusatory but the way her hand was sitting on your thigh, that was nothing short of romantic. 

You started twisting her hair before you spoke. “They told me you started drinking again.” 

“I-” Shuri tried to speak but you cut her off. 

“Although truthfully that wasn’t what did it.” You moved on to the next twist. “Nakia begged. She said you refuse T’Challa and begged that I get you out of bed and back into his life. 

Shuri had nothing to say to this, shame ran hot through her face. She moved her hand from your thigh and sunk more into the floor. As you finished the last twist you started to feel bad about your response but she was the one who asked. 

“Shuri.” You spoke her name lightly, leaving the conversation like that felt wrong. 

“Hmm?” You took down the last section of her hair and started combing, repeating the process for the final time.

“Of course I missed you. I spent six whole months in the states missing you. So consumed with my want to be with you I couldn’t do anything but cry and sleep.” You separated the last section and started twisting. “But after six months, Shuri, I had to ask myself what was I missing. Was I missing the dates you stood me up on? The nights I went to bed alone while you were in the lab tinkering away with your latest technological development? That couldn’t be what had me throwing my life away. So I stopped missing you.” By the time you finished speaking you had finished the last twist, letting it plop down on her face. 

Shuri nodded her head, there was nothing she could say. You were right, Shuri hadn’t treated you the way she should during the final year of your relationship. 

You grabbed the silk scarf from next to you and wrapped it around Shuri’s head. The words you wanted to say to her blossomed in your mind. “But I do miss you, I miss when it was simple and just us.” Even so, you kept them to yourself. 

You tapped Shuri’s shoulder and she stood from between your legs, giving you the space to stand up and stretch. You looked at the clock on the table and the time read 11 PM. Shuri followed your eyes and sighed knowing her time with you for the day was nearing a close. You smiled at her sigh and you turned to start removing objects from the bed to give Shuri a clear place to sleep. She walked over to the bed and pulled back the covers, looking back at you as you nodded signifying that you were serious about her sleeping. Shuri slipped under the covers and watched as you walked over to her. 

You sat on the edge of her bed and placed your inside hand on Shuri’s cheek, she melted into your touch and placed her hand on top of yours. You leaned over and placed a kiss on her forehead. 

“Goodnight Shuri.” You removed your hand from her face and stood from the bed. Shuri caught your hand before you could leave. 

“Stay? Stay with me tonight?” Your breath caught as you thought about her words. 

“Okay.”

TAGLIST: 

@vevethirst @angelsmist @coalmistyy @eriksjournal @avsphroeg @nil-eena @zane2408 @homie0sapien @noneofyabuisnezs @ilacknames @rotten-toenails @starrknessblog @adaya08 @bigbigbigfan @cour1ne7 @gaspyghosttt @gardenofshuri @chrome-edition @londyn-loves-u @shuri-my-love @trixielwt @arielna2805 @syupakingcowbaby @luxuriouslokistan-3 @shuriswift @raydestin @liv444me @aphroditeisamilf @blkmystery @bestfriend491 

[simlicious]

Personal update about my anxiety

Time for another personal update! At the moment, I'm not really in a creative mood and my projects are all resting.

I am working on more stuff in my real life, including cleaning/decluttering my apartment and working through an anxiety app which will hopefully get me to start exposure (though I shudder at the thought alone). The funny thing is, the app is for social anxiety, and I do have some social anxiety, but I think I mainly have agoraphobia (but there is no medical app available for this at the moment, so I took the next best thing). The app said: "Let's make a gradual steps plan, you first choose a very easy step, then one that is a little harder and harder, and so on until the hardest step comes at the top." And for the easiest step, it actually suggested one of my hardest steps: going into a store, buying something, and interacting with the cashier. Checkouts give me such anxiety. I once had a full-blown panic attack because I couldn't remember the PIN number for my credit or debit card. And I very rarely get panic attacks. Luckily, my brother was present and he was able to pay for me while I almost hyperventilated and tears were streaming down my face. Generally, I start sweating and get shaky hands which does not help while handling cards and remembering pin numbers. I get tunnel vision and cannot focus on anything that is going on around me. Sometimes, blood rushes in my ears so I have a hard time picking up whether someone is saying anything. Then, all items need to be put into bags at lightning speed, and I always fear that I am not fast enough and that everyone else in line is annoyed and angry with me and this makes me even more nervous. Putting things away with shaky hands is tough! So I send my boyfriend shopping for me or buy online most of the time. If I absolutely must, I can go shopping with one of my loved ones because I feel a tiny bit calmer and know I have a safety net with me. They can also help me put stuff in my bags. But alone? That's nightmare fuel for me. Same thing with using public transportation, I just can't do it. I also have a very hard time sitting in waiting rooms at the doctor's office, I get so tense and do not know what to do with myself. Oh, and I also have severe anxiety when I need to make a phone call 😫 But all that is seriously impacting my life, as you can imagine. And I want to change something.

Since the app is not helpful with suggestions for my gradually harder steps to take, I have to come up with my own, and it is harder than I thought! All the things I think about are really hard for me, I cannot think of less hard steps to take 😣 Even just going outside without a destination/going out by myself is also anxiety-inducing for me. I feel like I am watched all the time, I get tense and my thoughts start racing or going in circles. This also happens while I am in a store to shop for something. I get paralysed sometimes with decision fatigue and if someone else comes into the same aisle, I have the urge to run away instantly. I get so distracted that I need to spend way more time in a store than usual and this is of course not making me calmer. I am just super exhausted after going shopping! I am proud that I leave the house twice a week now to go for a walk with my best friend though. We have just established a second day of the week this year, and we still do not go twice every week, but pretty often, which is great. And I love to walk in nature, it calms me (if there aren't too many other people around). 😊 I am also making progress with my borked sleep cycle. I am a night owl 🦉, but being awake the whole night clashes a lot with my family's plans. I have tried for months to shift it, but in the last one to two weeks, I actually made real progress and went to bed 2 to 3 hours earlier than normal, which is really huge for me! I found out that there are lots of free audiobooks on YouTube that authors upload themselves. So one hour before I want to sleep, I put one on, set a shutdown timer of 60 minutes so it will turn off after that time, and then go to bed and listen to it until I fall asleep. This has motivated me enough to actually go to bed earlier.

As a result, I get more daylight and I am more inclined to do housework, which I also struggle with in general, so this is really great! I am focusing more on that now. I also started playing Subnautica again, but I can only play for a few hours on end because it can get pretty intense. I kinda want to play Sims 4 again (weird, I know). My anxiety app wants me to think more positively, so instead of thinking that it is no use updating my mods because the minute I do, another patch drops anyway and I have to start all over, I should think more positively. I will probably drop the game after playing for a day anyway, so it does not need to stay updated for long! Maybe downloading and updating mods is more fun than actually playing anyway? 😆

[bi-bard]

Cruel Trick of Fate - Xenk Yendar Imagine [Dungeons & Dragons: Honor Among Thieves]

Title: Cruel Fate

Pairing: Xenk Yendar X Reader

Word Count: 1,508 words

Warning(s): self-image issues (i think that's a good way to describe it), mention of attack

Summary: Xenk saves the life of a person in need. (Y/n)'s time spent healing brings the duo exceptionally closer than either of them considered to be possible.

Author's Note: I don't know if I'm surprised that this is happening or not.

------------------------

My story truly begins when I woke up in what I assumed was a cave.

I had no idea where I was or how I had gotten there. And once I blinked the sleep from my eyes, I realized those facts and shoved myself out of the bed.

I scrambled, doing a circle in the hopes of getting some kind of hold on my surroundings. It didn't do much.

I reached over blindly, grabbing a stick of some kind that I could use as a makeshift weapon.

"You shouldn't be moving around."

I jumped when I heard a voice. I held out my arms, trying to look more threatening to the man than I actually was.

"You hit your head," he said. "You should sit down before your head begins to hurt again."

"Who are you and where am I," I asked. "And why did you bring me here?"

"My name is Xenk Yendar, this is my home, and you were attacked," he answered simply.

I raised an eyebrow at him. "That didn't actually answer my final question."

"Your head was hurt," he repeated. "By the creature that attacked you. Do you not remember?"

"Head injuries can impact memory," I replied. "Shocking, I know."

"I do not find that shocking at all," his eyebrows furrowed for a moment.

"I was being- it wasn't- why am I explaining the concept of language to you," I scolded myself more than I truly spoke to him. "Let me go."

"I cannot do that in good conscience," he shook his head. "How are you feeling?"

"I- I'm fine," I blinked a few times when a spiking pain shot through my head, finding a place in my temple to continuously remind me of its presence. "I want to go home."

"If I allow you to do that and you end up even more hurt on the trip, then I would never be able to forgive myself."

"Then you can guide me, how's... how's that?"

I must've swayed a bit when I spoke.

Xenk stepped forward, only stopping when I shakily pointed the stick at him.

"You are threatening me with a stick and are clearly weak, please sit down," he pleaded.

I closed my eyes, my face scrunching up a bit as I did so. I felt him pull the stick from my hands before guiding me to sit back down on the bed.

"I will be right back."

I dug the heels of my hands into my eyes, not acknowledging his comment.

At the time, I decided that the entire event was decided by some cruel act of fate.

It felt like I spent ages with Xenk.

At first, I was angry. Dismissive. I made my discomfort very well known. The more that I looked back on that time, the more stunned I am that Xenk never told me to leave. He refused to give up on me until I was fully healed.

I did eventually begin to calm down. Anger and annoyance became something close to indifference. It was all much calmer. We would eat together, conversations were less awkward, and my constant need to fight or run seemed to dissipate.

When that indifference changed, I wanted to refuse that it happened.

It felt strange to think that such a change had happened. Ridiculous.

It was so much easier for me to ignore it happened at all.

And then, Xenk came back with a wound on his arm.

I furrowed my eyebrows as he walked in.

"Are you alright," I asked.

He nodded. "Just need to take care of this."

I watched him for a while as he cleaned his wound and attempted to take care of it. It didn't seem like a very intense wound, but it did seem a bit difficult for him to take care of.

It took me far too long to finally step in.

"Alright, stop," I walked over and swatted his hand away. "I may go mad watching your stubbornness."

His eyebrows furrowed for a moment. "How would my supposed stubbornness cause you to lose- you were figurative!"

"Yes," I nodded as I moved his arm. He hissed a bit. "Does that hurt?"

"Not at all," he replied, voice slightly strained.

I rolled my eyes before walking around him and sitting behind him on the mattress. He was able to lower his arm and I was still able to properly take care of his wound.

I remained quiet as I wrapped his arm. I was the youngest in my family. My experience with tending to wounds was minuscule. But I could do some of the bare minimum.

"How is that," I asked quietly after pulling my hands away.

"Better than I could have done on my own," he mumbled.

It was then that I noticed how... strange the moment felt. We were so close and it all felt so... intimate.

We fell silent again. We both seemed fixated on watching each other's eyes. As if we were attempting to read each other's minds before either one of us made a mistake.

I nodded somewhat awkwardly before going to stand from my spot. "I... I think I am going to make us both some tea. I know that it won't heal you, but it certainly couldn't hurt."

I went to walk away, but his good hand stopped me, catching my wrist before I could get too far away from him. I stopped, turning back to him.

"What is it," I asked quietly.

He blinked a few times as if suddenly realizing what he had actually done. "I... I'm afraid that I don't truly know. I'm sorry."

He let go of my wrist, still stunned by himself.

I paused for a moment. After contemplating my choices, I stepped closer to him. He looked up at me.

My eyes moved up to his forehead. I don't know why. I think holding eye contact with him was simply too intense. I heard him sigh as my eyes moved. He must have assumed that I was staring at the mark decorating his skin and not just trying to cope with my own emotions.

"That is why it has taken you so long to fully trust me," he muttered.

I furrowed my eyebrows. "What?"

"The symbol of Szass Tam," he explained, looking away from me. "Some part of me will always be lost to it. I am closer to a monster than not... it is why you were so hesitant to trust me."

"No," I shook my head. "No, no, Xenk. That is not true."

He looked at me again.

"I didn't trust you because I was hurt and found myself in a strange place with a person that I had never met before," I corrected. "It was a very understandable reaction. But once I got to know you, I trusted you more. I cannot think of a single moment that the symbol on your forehead was what determined how I felt about you.

"You are also far from any kind of monster. You are a hero. You have saved many people, you protected me when you didn't even know my name, you have vowed yourself to a life helping others. I don't know a monster that would ever do such a thing."

Xenk seemed to scan every inch of my face, waiting for some sign that I was being dishonest. I reached up, gently running my thumb over the mark on his forehead. He took a deep breath, eyes falling shut as I did.

"Silly thing, really," I muttered. "I didn't even notice it when we first met. Did you know that?"

"Really?"

I nodded. "I was a little too focused on other things... like figuring out what had happened."

"When did you notice it," he asked.

"We were having dinner. That first night," I said. "I was refusing to eat until you did, so I had nothing to focus on other than you. That's when I started making out the symbol. I just... I couldn't bring myself to care about it."

"Why?"

"Don't know," I shrugged. "Instinct... fate?"

"I do not understand why fate would prevent you from caring."

"Maybe fate didn't want me to leave," I replied. "If I cared about the mark, then I would have."

"And why would fate not want you to leave?"

I could see something cross his face. Some small, knowing look. I bit back a growing smile at the idea. There was this air of safety and comfort. Security in whatever choice I made next.

I took a deep breath before leaning down and gently pressing my lips to his. I felt the hand of his uninjured arm reach up and touch the hand not resting on his face.

It was only a few moments before I pulled away. I slowly grinned at him. He smiled back at me.

"I'm glad that fate kept you from leaving," he muttered.

I chuckled. "So am I."

I leaned forward and kissed him again.

Quite a cruel trick that fate decided to play, wasn't it?

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Author's Note: I just wanna brag about the fact that I managed to guess where this movie was filmed while I was watching it with a friend. It was the coolest thing I've done in a long time.

Also, that I kept making comparisons between this movie and Ella Enchanted, but that's not really as cool.

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