#i think I'm getting closer to finding a style i like but i haven't gotten there quite yet

[stalebagels]

Guess who found her apple pencil and spent an hour doing this last night 🎉

[misshugs]

Feverish || Sam Golbach x Reader

You start getting a really bad fever. the problem about it is not the fever itself, it's the horny feeling that you always seem to get whenever you're sick.

contains: fluff into SMUT +18, soft!Sam, sick!Reader, Sam caring for reader, oral (m), unprotected sex, cursing, pet names, cuddles, no mention of Y/n

a/n: surprise update!

word count: 2k

[u n e d i t e d]

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Everything was moving. Your vision was playing tricks on you as you saw your ceiling moving around. You felt your body heavy, confused as to what was happening.

You can't remember the last time you got sick, even more so having this bad of a fever.

You felt cold, but your body was burning up.

It was around 3 in the evening and you haven't gotten out of bed yet, sweating all over your bed as your pants were the only thing you could think about. Hugging the sheets tightly as you felt yourself shivering.

Sam was supposed to come to your house today. He's been texting, trying to ask if you needed anything before he gets there, but to no use. You left your phone on the kitchen counter last night, and you felt too tired to try and look for it.

Not only tired, but turned on for some reason. Your body felt extremely needy and you were too delusional at the time to really think about anything else.

Minutes later, there was Sam at your door, knocking. Since you didn't respond, he decided to take the spare key you hid just in case. You didn't even notice the door opening when he suddenly asked your name.

Opening your eyes and looking at the door, you saw him hurriedly walking closer to you.

"Are you okay, baby?" He asked, touching your exposed shoulder from the oversize you wore to sleep. "You're burning up."

You softly blinked while looking at him, "Angel...?" You said, having some white dots blind your vision, making him look mystical in your eyes. You tried touching him. "You're an.. angel?" You touched his cheek, only for him to hold your hand down.

"Close, I'm your boyfriend." He smiled, kissing your warm hand. "Baby, you're burning up. Why didn't you tell me?" He asked, looking around. "Where's your phone?"

"Dunno... C'mere." You tried to push him closer to you with the little to no strength you had. "Cuddles."

"Hold up, let me find you some medicine real quick." He said, walking away. You whine, wanting him close to you. Trying to reach out, you end up falling from the bed, now whining at the ache in your body.

He quickly turns back after hearing you. "Oh, god. Are you okay?? Did you get hurt?" Worry in his voice as he picks you up bridal style. You reassure him you were fine. "Be careful, okay?" He kisses your cheek and tries to set you back down on the bed, but you've trapped him now.

"No." You pout, holding him by the neck with your new found strength, not wanting to let go.

"Baby." He laughs at how clingy you suddenly got. He sighs, "Alright, c'mere." He positions your legs around his waist, holding you by the ass. You quickly adjust yourself, getting comfortable as you rest your head on his shoulder, hugging him right.

He softly rubs your back while walking out of the room. Wasting no time, he quickly looks for some medicine and some clean towels to at least try and cool down your fever.

Even though your eyelids felt heavy, you made sure you were able to kiss his neck while he was doing whatever he was doing. It made him laugh at the touch.

"At least you seem to be having fun. You're sweating like crazy though..." He whispers, feeling the sweat drip down your back.

Looking back at the kitchen, he noticed it was extremely dry and clean. "Have you eaten anything?" He asks, knowing that you don't usually leave the kitchen this clean until it's the end of the day since, quoting yourself, 'why clean twice if you'll use them again'.

"No." You whispered, almost unnoticed due to your voice suddenly getting raspy, giving him shivers as your kisses on his neck keep on going. It seems to be keeping you sane from the world spinning so quickly.

"So I'm guessing you haven't gotten out of bed 'til now?" You hummmed. "I'll take that as a yes. Well then." He sighs and walks towards the counter, sitting you down. He softly takes your hands off his neck, making you open your eyes to look at him with a frown.

He laughs at the site, cupping your face and kissing your nose. "I'll be here, I'm going to make you something to eat, but first..." He grabs some pills and a cup of water. "Let's try and cool that fever down."

Without much arguing, you drink the pill down while you look at him cook for you. For a moment, your vision turned normal and you were gazing his way, almost hypnotized by him.

You just wanted to hug him, cuddle with him underneath the sheets while he caresses your hair. Being on top of him, straddling him while you were fast asleep on his chest.

He certainly understood the assignment, since he kept on giving you soft kisses and hugs while he was working on your quick meal.

Although you wanted nonstop touching, you were able to manage for the moment. Merely because you got lost in his figure.

Such a sweet boyfriend you had.

He knew you too well. The food he made was not much, but enough for you to be able to munch it down without problem, just in case you get too full and throw it all up.

He made sure to help you eat, passing a cold towel on your shoulders and face to try and cool you off in the meanwhile.

It did work for a short while.

After some food, you opened your arms towards him, expecting him to carry you back to bed, and so he did.

You don't quite know exactly what was it about your bed that made you feel this way, but as soon as you knew you were inside your room, the urge to merely cuddle changed to sexual desire. As if some aphrodisiac went into your system as soon as you saw him close to a bed.

You sighed on his neck at the feeling, making him shiver. Your dilated eyes being a dead giveaway of your vivid thoughts, not even mentioning your quickly damping panties.

As soon as he tried to lie you down on the bed, you held his face and kissed his lips. He smiled in between and kissed back. Since your legs were surrounding his hips, you moved him to the side, making him lie down next to you.

Hurriedly putting yourself on top of him, you began grinding on his lap, gaining a moan in the midst of the kiss. As you both separated, trying to regain your breath, he sighed your name.

"You look... so good." You panted, hearts in your eyes. "I wanna taste you, Sammy." Your hand was moving through his chest, slowly falling down to the top of his pants.

"S-sweetheart, you're sick... you're supposed to be resting." He said, trying to calm himself down, but his body telling the truth. You felt his rising boner underneath you.

"After..." You whispered, holding onto the waistband of his pants and pulling them down. "I want this..." You continued, releasing his quickly growing friend.

And who was he to protest in your needs? If it is something you believe might make you feel better, so be it.

He sighed when he felt your warm hand over his dick, slowly and painfully touching his tip. He groaned at the feeling, while your mouth was basically watering at his sounds and the look on his face.

You moved to the side, getting your face closer to his dick while your ass was on the air. Licking his tip, you saw his face. A mix of love and lust filled his panting face.

You loved it.

You didn't make him wait much, licking his length before your hand started moving up and down. Sucking onto his tip, you wasted no time and started bobbing your head up and down, slowly pushing it deeper and deeper into your throat.

"Oh, fuck." He groaned, throwing his head back and putting the back of his hand infront of his lips, unable to close his mouth from the pleasure you were giving him. You kept sucking the tip every time you were on the edge of pulling out, it was driving him crazy.

He didn't last long, to say the least. His orgasm quickly reaching as you separated your mouth and started moving your hand faster, opening your mouth, waiting in anticipation.

Moaning, he came all over your face. Whatever got in your mouth you quickly gulped down, licking your lips while looking at his flustered stare.

"Sam." You sighed, giving a quick lick to his tip as you separated from it and crawled towards his face. Kissing and straddling him once again, he held onto your waist.

"You look so needy today, sweetheart." He smiled, grabbing your ass, pushing you down onto him once again, moaning as you feel his heat rubbing your clothed cunt.

"Fuck, Sam. Please..." You panted his name, shivering at the feeling. "I need you."

"Need me to help you, baby?" He said in a deep, romantic voice. You nodded prefusely at his comment.

It seems like a piece of your consciousness went missing for a second, since when you regained it, you had no clothes on. Sam's firm hands on your hips while he positioned himself in your pussy, knowing you were probably too needy for preparation.

In goes the tip, shortly followed by a slow thrust that made you whine, holding his shirt. He grunts for a moment.

"You okay, babe?" He caresses your ass, feeling you quickly tense up, choking his tip with your tightness. You nodded, trying to relax your muscles.

"Keep... going." You sighed, while he peppered your face with kisses. He moved your ass down with caution to not hurt you, slowly. Tempting.

When you were all settled, it took you a few moments to completely relax. As you felt more comfortable, you started moving your hips, letting him know he could move.

Taking notice of your actions, he helped you out. It didn't take long for him to start thrusting quickly inside of you, listening to your moans, leaving wet kisses on your neck.

He switched positions, putting you underneath and lifting one of your legs on top of his shoulders. Hitting those spots he couldn't before, you felt bliss. Your eyes rolled back while you arched your back.

While he went back to your warm, sweaty neck to leave some hickeys, you hugged him. Grabbing his shirt and clawing his back on accident, you surely left some marks to look at later.

You were on de edge of climax, twitching at the knot in your stomach forming up, whimpering. "Fuck, Sam, I'm... I'm coming." Hearing those soft, sexy sounds come out of your mouth, he could've easily cum right there.

"Come for me, baby." He whispered in your ear, speeding up his thrusts. After you moaned loudly and came all over his dick, he gave a few more thrusts before pulling out and releasing himself on your stomach.

Trying to regain your breath, he kissed your lips softly. Standing up, he went to the bathroom and came back with a clean towel to wipe you clean, kissing softly some random parts of your body while he's at it.

You yawned, noticeably exhausted after the session. He smiled at you, fixing you up before lying down next to you and holding you protectively in his arms. "Now we can cuddle." He said.

You hugged back, remembering that other urge that you had before, and successfully taking advantage of the situation you put yourself in. It felt good to be in his arms, even more so when his soft pats on your head seemed so dreamy and kind. The kisses on your forehead making it even better.

A few hours of cuddling later, you felt much more better. In fact, you felt better than most days after you sweat off all of that fever up and took a small nap, and it was all thanks to the best boyfriend ever.

"Are you okay, love?" You asked after he stood up from the bed but stopped moving.

"Yeah, yeah. Just got dizzy." He chuckled. You stood up to touch his forehead, thinking of the possibility.

"...you're burning up." Unfortunately, your suspicion was right. You accidentally gave him a fever.

The question is...

Is he the same as you when you get sick?

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fun fact there was a time where i actually got a horrible fever but i got so clingy and cuddly with everyone around me, so this is based on a true story LMAO (without the hot, sexy boyfriend unfortunately)

-nikkõ

[system-of-a-feather]

hi! i've followed you for quite some time, and i wanted to say your experiences with functional multiplicity + fusion, and your perspective on the "self" especially from a non-western background, are all incredibly helpful and useful points of discussion for things around DID.

i'm not fully recovered, i'm probably at a state closer to functional multiplicity with the odd PTSD-style intrusions still unaccounted for. but your posts especially on full integration and spirituality are very helpful as i've come to understand how DID -> "normal subdivisions/parts of the self" is just a spectrum, and not clearly distinct.

i feel a lot of the time you see in OSDDID spaces the sort of grandeur or mythologisation (?) of the alters in particular (even in anti endo spaces imo!!), which i think makes people lose sight of what it means to have DID and can hinder people's recovery as they get bogged down on what a system should be. it's been helpful even in a not-fully-recovered state to think about my system more in the way you described in your big post about full integration and spirituality.

basically tl;dr you are bringing very grand ideas to the discussion about DID and what that means and you've made excellent points especially with the western bias of the psychiatric institution.

Glad to hear, genuinely ^^ But yeah, I honestly noticed actually that usually the people that are the most locked down on one side of plurality communities (hard anti-endos and people who have only been in endo spaces save for syscourse) tend to have this really grandeur or, honestly I like the word, mythologized idea of alters just in different ways. I find hard anti-endos have it as this SUPER unique experience that can only come from SUPER unique and horrible events and endos that have never really gotten out of the super-endo spaces tend to have it out to be this really kind of like... spectaclized manner.

Honestly, it might be just because I haven't actually interacted with people who have only been in super-endo spaces, but I've honestly had more issues with anti-endos making the idea of alters / parts to be something WAY more unique and special than it actually has to be. Like theres a case to say endos "romanticize" it, which fair I guess, but I genuinely find it a lot more uncomfortable (and in MY experience, I also find that sort of thinking to have been harmful to my recovery) to hear that alters / parts are something all that super unique and special, and again, thats coming from a polyfragmented diagnosed DID system.

But I really don't think having alters or parts is anything really super special and the only thing that makes it unique for CDDs is that the dissociation is a bitch for people with CDD and - more often than not - there is a sense of a lot of loss of agency with people who have CDD due to a combination of a history of trauma and the pervasive and (especially in early recovery) how uncontrollable dissociation can feel.

I think (as I am not one of them and havent talked to enough to have it more than a hypothesis) a lot of the people who find that they were "born plural" or have their plurality related to their culture / how they were raised - while they didn't "choose" to be plural - (and for the simplicity of this statement I'm talking about non-traumatized ones, I'm aware some were born plural AND had trauma but thats a nuance thats for another post) the lack of trauma and lack of clinical / pathological dissociation causing MAJOR intrusions into life make the plurality develop and be experienced in a way that is a lot less scary / theratening and a lot less of an inherent trigger for lack of agency, autonomy, and control

I honestly don't think I've met a CDD system that didn't spend the majority of their early realization and awareness of their parts (and often YEARS preceding even having it on their radar) terrified of loosing themselves, terrified of going feral or going insane or cracking or letting some inherent part of themselves loose.

So that intense and instrusive dissociation and that complex relationship with a loss of agency and autonomy IS a very signature thing about CDDs but like... the plurality? The interaction with yourselves as independent parts? The interaction of yourselves with different names? The act of changing modes in specific situations and having different favorite things and tastes and interests and perspectives based on your mood, environment, etc? Thats all stuff that is seen elsewhere in the world. There are a number of spiritual and cultural practices that have that extremely normalized. There are THERAPUTIC practices that do that as a HEALING thing (looking at you IFS).

Other than finding some of them annoying and sometimes harmful when they are consumed by it, I don't really *hate* or dislike anti-endos cause I get it. I SUPER get it, I used to be a staunch anti-endo and I feel a lot of the anti-endo perspective comes pretty naturally as a response from a life of trauma and the struggles that comes with recovering.

But HONESTLY, if I'm being real, I honestly just have a lot of bones to pick and a lot of hurt, anger, and frustration towards Western Culture and Colonialist Rhetoric and America as a whole deep within me that I'm just really not the best at holding my tongue on as a fused whole. Like I'm better at it than XIV was as an isolated part, but compared to MOST other parts, its something that deeply bugs me a lot and so a lot of the things I bring up here really honestly isn't even for the DID community or DID conversations or even syscourse, as much as it is me trying to find a productive and more healthy way to communicate the hurt I have regarding my history, my ancestry, my culture, and my life living in a predominantly white, western, christian, colonialist country.

The only reason it really comes up in terms of DID a lot is just cause well, thats one of the few communities I engage with online these days and its one of the few communities I do still (sometimes unfortunately /hj /lh) still identify as being part of.

Its actually one of the harder things to process productively as a fused whole a lot when it comes up into my mind. XIV held such INTENSE anger towards western, white, and American culture that we actually had to mentally prepare and make safety plans for 4th of july in the past because it would unironically be such an easy day to make him escalate into homicidal ideation (which never REALLY got to the point of a crisis but we had to be careful in case our fiance's neighbor ever got too stupid around us). Other parts also held onto some of it to some level but the sheer amount of feelings to unpack around the whole concept that XIV held onto has been something we've really had to look at.

And on that note, honestly a thing that disappoints me the most about the CDD community in specific is how its not particularly the most responsive or considerate to racial trauma and intergenerational trauma tied to culture and what not. I'm not sure if I'm the only POC that feels this way, but racial / inherited trauma is not really taken seriously or held to the standard that it should be and its often kind of ranked as "barely a trauma" when that shit really goes fucking hard on people.

I've talked to a lot of decedents of natives who really deeply insist and identify as white because just how much of their culture was stolen from them and how impossible it seems to ever be "authentically" in their culture. My writing partner spent his whole life being disconnected from his Jewish ancestry and has spent the past year or so "making up" for the damage and "righting the wrong" and going into DEEP study to reclaim it.

My whole dive into Buddhism and martial arts has been a long running journey in rebuilding the culture I was denied and had stolen from my dad and thus from me as well. I've personally come to the conclusion I'll never be able to carry on my family's culture to the way I want to and I'll probably never really know where my dad's side came from because quite frankly, I don't think he can even speak to his own mom (who I think died a few years ago) and his dad was ruined by the Opium Trade and because my dad has memory issues due to brain injuries and extensive trauma of having been a slave. I've had to come to terms that I'm probably always going to be an Indo-Chinese person so detatched from my proper culture and I really don't have any good ways to get back to it; but I very much CAN invest and rebuild the passive Buddhist background I was somewhat raised with and develop and rebuild my relationship as a Chinese-American and I can do my part to keep that part of my culture alive and well.

(Plus there is also a lot to say about how the existence of people with erased cultures are STILL inherently part of the narrative and story of their cultures history and story and even if the traditions are lost, everyone born into their culture is still carrying the mantle and collective narrative of how said culture was impacted by colonizers and how the culture as a whole responded; I'm very much of the belief that some damages really cant be undone and some losses aren't able to ever be fully repaired and some individuals disconnected from their culture will never have the same relationship they SHOULD have had, but to just conform and label yourself as "white" because you feel you would be "intruding" as a "fake POC" is a bit of a tragic ending.)

(I totally get it and I don't think anyone should feel bad for feeling that way, because there is a good portion of truth to it and trying to carry on the story when you feel like you know nothing of the story before is a really hard thing to do and it takes a lot of reflection; but HONESTLY I much prefer the narrative of "white western colonizers tried to erase us and yet here we are, persevering and existing despite all aggressive and unfavorable situations".)

But ya know, that's all just to say that I really dislike seeing colonialist and white/western things pushed onto me and onto others in spaces I'm in because I really have seen the damage that does to people and felt it first hand. Even if it means little to much of anyone on tumblr dot com, the website half made up of Americans and mostly white people, it's kind of just a sentiment I have as a means of self respect to myself and my peers that have been fucked over by white / western individuals.

Plus, I honestly believe in the best of the white and western people here and like to think most people just have not considered things in a non white-western perspective cause white-western countries don't really promote non white-western thinking or really promote non white-western voices so most people really just haven't been prompted to think in other ways.

But anyways, I'm rambling at this point, but jsut some thoughts and feelings on the matter from Feathers

[mermaidsirennikita]

Could you do a summary of how ARCs work as a reviewer?

I'm intrigued. Like do you have to send the books back?

Sure!

So, there are several ways that you can get ARCs. Two of the biggest platforms for traditional publishers are NetGalley and Edelweiss. Tbh, I've dabbled with Edelweiss, but I find their interface very confusing and they do tend to favor industry professionals (booksellers, librarians, etc). And ultimately, I just don't think I need it at this time. I get (virtually) all the ARCs I want from other platforms.

NetGalley can and is used by independent authors and indie publishers. It offers e-ARCs and audio ARCs. With NetGalley, they're sorted into categories, and anyone with an account can request them. Some books are also, temporarily or permanently, classified as "Read Now", which means that anyone can just grab them. Some are categorized as "Wish for It" which means they aren't available for request but you can "wish" for them. It does work—I've gotten a couple of wished for books. Based on what I've read (and suspect) I think that wished for books basically filter out reviewers who don't meet parameters pubs have set for books. So if you do, you can request it. If you don't, you can wish for it. For example, I wished for a book by this one pub, I think they saw my stats and liked them, and then gave me the book. So far, I haven't had to wish for other books by that pub since.

Your request may sit there for months. It may sit there for an hour. It may never be accepted or declined. Almost all books have "archive dates", which means the book becomes inaccessible both to new requesters AND people who got the book but failed to download it. I download books immediately for this reason, but I also use a kindle to read them. When you don't read e-ARCs on a kindle (say, on your phone or your tablet in the NetGalley app), you only have a set amount of time to read them. Then they disappear. When you download them to your kindle, they're there forever.

NetGalley allows you to fill out a profile. I include my stats (blog follow count, what I like to read, my posting style, any achievements) and I link to my blogs, social media, etc. You also have a feedback ratio. NetGalley recommends staying over 80%, but this honestly may or may not affect your ability to get ARCs, depends on the pub. The higher your ratio, the better. If you decline to review a book (which you can) you will never have a 100% ratio. Soooooo always review.

When you review a book, you can go back and add links to your reviews once posted. I include a note to the publishers when reviewing on NetGalley (which I do immediately after reading) re: when I'll post my reviews. Some pubs prefer you wait to closer to release.

Then there are other distribution services, right? NetGalley is expensive. BookSirens and Booksprout are often easier for self pub authors to use. I have accounts with them, but haven't requested any books as of now.

There are also marketing agencies/services, often used by self pub authors. Things like The Author Agency, Valentine PR, etc. You'll often fill out a form for these services to request an ARC. You'll be accepted or declined based on their preferences. I've only read ARCs for services like these a couple of times, but they're great and often handle general PR for authors. They're boutique and handle a smaller amount of clients than something like Booksprout or BookSirens.

Theeeeen there are authors who handle their own ARCs. Typically self pub. They'll often have you sign up on their websites—they may refer to you as part of their "street team". In my experience (which is limited; I'm only on Grace Callaway's team as of now) these are often handled by the author or an assistant. You'll get an email like "Hey, this book is coming up, get ready" and usually get the book through a service like BookFunnel.

Physical ARCs are less common and often handled directly by publishers. They can be received through giveaways and promos as well. I just got a physical ARC through a giveaway a couple months ago, and while there's not an expectation that you review with these books, it's nice to do so.

Some publishers have influencer programs that can correspond to services like NetGalley, OR can be the only way you'll get a book. This is a more common way that people get physical ARCs.

You always need to disclose that you were given the book for an honest review.

You never have to give an ARC back, no matter how you get it. Like I said earlier, they WILL disappear if you read them on NetGalley without a kindle. But otherwise—yours forever.

You're never like, legally obligated to review an ARC. But authors and pubs have a limited amount of ARCs to distribute, and I've never failed to do it because, no matter how I feel about the book, I value it.

Anyone can get an ARC SOMEHOW. Like I said, there are Read Now copies on NetGalley that people use to build up their ratios/following. Many people who have very little presence online get ARCs of big releases. But it's always nice to have a blog. I'm not by any means well-known, I don't have a huge Insta following, I don't do TikTok. But I have a pretty good acceptance rate on NetGalley and through other outlets.

Edit: Oh, and on NetGalley they often give out "badges" which authors and pubs can see, indicating your feedback ratio being over 80%, how many reviews you've given once it's over 100, whether or not you're pre-approved (which is when a pub automatically gives you ARCs), when you've had at least 3 books featured by pubs (this means it's like, starred on their book's NetGalley profile). It can help, apparently.

Also, publishers can see not only your feedback ratio, but how many books you've been declined for, your average rating, how you've rated other books of theirs or similar to theirs, etc. It can help them make decisions.

[chibivesicle]

Current manga[ish] reading list in no particular order

Neighborhood Story (Gokinjo Monogatari) by Ai Yawaza - I now own up to volume 3 of the English release of the manga. The four volume set is based on what I believe was the 10th Anniversary reprint of the manga in Japan. The French edition also follows the four book format but I think the German sticks to the original seven. I have the original tankobon editions for volumes 1-3 where when you line them up, it creates a long dinner table with the entire cast.

I read the entire manga in the early 2010s via scans and had spent the late 90s to that point praying for an official release after Paradise Kiss was printed by Tokyopop. The series was old enough that in the late 90s early 2000s no one was out there doing the line by line translations that I used to use to read manga. I read all of Wish that way with the original manga and the speech bubble guide. e.g. page 12 panel 5 Overall impressions - this was a white whale for me - I likely bought the original manga when I was sixteen or seventeen based on the art style alone. I would say it falls into your standard dramatic shoujo manga with high school students but the lives of ones in counter-culture, outside the norms of usual expectations. When I read the scans I enjoyed it and while it was nothing mind blowing it is a rewarding read. The various individuals sporting alternative fashions is one of my favorite aspects of it. You have a MC who leans mostly towards mod style (Twiggy from the 1960s) with a strong vintage twist, punk, lolita, generic 90s alternative dude, preppy and your designer brand girl.

I look forward to getting volume 4 and completing the set, just it will be likely 28 years later than I would have wanted. The Rose of Versailles by Riyoko Ikeda - I sprung hard for the recent English hardcover editions. One of my friends lent me her roommates 2 volume tankobon set of this series in 2000, but it too lacked a good translation to find online and read along to it. I watched the anime in 2014 and bought the DVD box set. Of course, I couldn't say no to this classic shoujo manga. I'm through the first three volumes and slowly working my way through it. Seeing that I already watched the anime, nothing in it is overall surprising.

I have noticed that early on the level of gay is pretty high and this current "twist" of Andre getting closer to Oscar is much stronger than I felt in the anime. The entire loss of Rosalie and her fawning over Oscar was a disappointment, also toned down in the anime. There is a lot more questioning with Oscar's character as to who she is, what she desires and how to fit into her world. I really wish it pressed those questions more but alas, I'm really starting to feel the Oscar x Andre pressure ramping up. In the anime I felt like it sort of came out of nowhere and in the manga it is more like - okay Rosalie's crush was cute but real adult relationships need a man. lols. Even with my different opinion on the manga compared to the anime, I cannot stress how owning such a fundamental manga series is. I don't think I'll ever attempt a meta on this - more than enough already exists about this with how long it has been around. Witch Hat Atelier by Kamome Shirahama - An impulse purchase at The Comic Swap on Allen Street. I'm pretty sure some of the individual volumes of X and other early 2000s manga were on the shelf when I was in university.

I'd heard some good murmurs about this manga and a friend kept recommending it. I can't explain how blown away I was this series. The art style is amazing with little use of screen tones and the emphasis on line art. With the author's previous work for DC and Marvel it shows but in all the good ways as far a composition and again that line art. And we haven't even gotten to the story itself! I have read through volume 3 and the pacing is excellent. It doesn't info dump how magic works and the world building is natural and unforced. It already has brought up great questions about who controls knowledge, disability vs accommodation, dealing with trauma, what is your purpose in life/goals. It has the right amount of whimsy that you feel cozy but at the same time you know when shit is serious.

What I feel the most is that Witch Hat Atelier is intentional with everything in it. It is a carefully constructed story and comes together naturally with a good balance of young pupils and adults. And the character designs! Oh my goodness, I love them all.

The Apothecary Diaries by Natsu Hyuuga - Can't skip my gal Mao Mao. I mean I cosplayed as her back in April because how frequently do you get a pragmatic female lead with deadpan humor and is a scientist who likes plants? I also watched the first season of the anime loving every moment of it and how it really shines with its focus on women navigating a world not made to really benefit them. I decided to read the original light novel instead of the manga based on the light novel. I think by time I finish volume 2 I will have caught up to season 1 and hopefully, pull ahead of the eventual second season which comes in 2025, I think.

Out of all the titles, this one is likely my biggest guilty pleasure as a plant biologist; Mao Mao as a character has a lot of common scientist traits which make her very relatable and fun to see in any sort of media. Her obliviousness to certain things not because she doesn't have an eye for details but because she can't be bothered is realistic but rarely given to a female character in most forms of media regardless of cultural context.

Will I dive into the rest of these series for a meta? I'm honestly not sure. I may do a "quick" review of Gokinjo Monogatari when I complete volume 4 but it isn't the sort of manga that feeds into deep critical analysis. It is a coming of age story about artistic kids and looks cool.

I'd likely be more inclined to tackle Witch Hat Atelier but sometimes I just want to read something and not deep dive into it even if it intellectually feeds my curiosity. My current plan is to catch up on the manga and I'm relying on my county library to read volumes 4-13. If I really like it, I'll probably become a sucker and buy it at some point but I need to be a little more mindful of my manga purchases for the sake of my overflowing bookshelves. I took one of those surveys about how much manga you own and I wasn't expecting to clock in at almost 200 volumes when I've given away/sold/donated them from time to time.

I've got some thoughts on Kekkai Sensen but I'm waiting for the next chapter to drop since it ended on a cliff hanger with that plot twist where the "Count" from previous statements in the manga was not some old frumpy classic Dracula like Blood Breed but instead in a teenage form as Edgar. I liked the twist since I was suspicious of his character but didn't think he might have been the true mastermind of things. But we'd be lazy readers if we'd forgotten that Blood Breeds can easily shapeshift as demonstrated with Girika and Tonio. I will always give her ultimate cougar cred testing out her boy toy before committing to making him a Blood Breed instead of snacking on him.

[bryce-bucher]

Basidia Post #2

Menuz:

A lot of work put into Basidia goes into the various menus and ui elements. I'm sorry if it's not terribly interesting, but for the past two weeks its basically all I've been looking at. More specifically, I've been working on a door lock system and a bomber's notebook style journal.

Lock System:

The Winds of Basidia is a time-loop game, and, as such, Modus and I have put a lot of thought into how we want to allow players to take knowledge they've gained into a subsequent loop and do things faster next time. One of the things we came up with was a lock system. The idea is that the player will go through some questline to learn the combination to a lock, and then on the next loop they can just skip the quest and go directly to the lock with the combo they've recorded. For the actual design of the lock, we came up with a marble turning system somewhat inspired by various Myst and Riven puzzles. There are four marbles placed on a comet-shaped bit of blue marble that can be turned in 4 different orientations. The comet-shape has cultural significance with ties to the Basidia church, but I'll likely go into more detail about that another time.

Reminder Screen:

The journal is made up of two sections: the reminder screen, and the locks screen. This menu is a feature I've been very excited to implement, and as of today the "reminders" section is nearly complete. The locks screen will be used to manually write down any lock combinations the player comes across, but I haven't gotten started on it yet. The reminders screen allows players to scroll through a list of discovered locations and manually place little reminder icons on a timeline that goes through the three days that the game takes place in. That's basically it. Despite my excitement I have a hard time finding things to talk about with this menu. I just really love it when games put the onus on the player to keep track of all the things they have to do, and I also love it when games give the player little tools and interfaces to do with what they will. In a way, I think that (for a lot of genres) the closer a game plays to an operating system, the better. I am really happy with how the visuals for this screen came out, and I think that coming up with and adding in new little icons to represent things the player might want to make note of will be fun.

Conclusion:

I find it really hard to make quick progress on menus because working on them is kind of a slog, so I hope they are more interesting to learn about than they are to make. Despite how grueling the process is, I'm always really excited when progress gets made on them, and it genuinely pains me to see how many modern games put so little thought into how they can spice up menus and UI from an aesthetic perspective. Modus and I are both pretty passionate about vibin' UIs, and it's been nice for us to put some nice ones together for this game. I think it's something people should try to have the most fun with as they can, and I absolutely do not encourage anyone to think of menus as something that needs to be purely mechanical first and foremost. For the next two weeks I'm gonna be working on Midwest Lost (my souls-like that takes place in the american midwest), and I am gonna have a lot of fun showing that one off, so see ya then. Oh yeah, maybe I should also mention Modus and I are both working on making personal websites, so maybe you'll hear more about that in the future.

[saspas-library-of-craziness]

Y'alls I'm reposting my work here because why not (please don't do so yourself though 🫶)

Link to the series I started: here

"Leonardo Da Hamato!" I shouted from the living room. A clang sounded from the kitchen, followed by a fearful, "Yea?"

"Oo, Leo's in trouble." Mikey teased him as he emerged warily.

"What's up, Y/N?" Leo tilted his head as he walked closer to the couch I was on. "Come here."

He walked closer, suspicious. I made grabby hands at him and Leo held up his arms, now standing in front of me. "I haven't gotten a Leo hug in too long," I said simply, rising to my feet and grabbing his arms in a hug.

Leo paused before wrapping his hands around my back. "Geez, Y/N, you gave me a heart attack hollering like that." I chuckled into his plastron. "'s funny."

A few moments passed in silence, before- "Better than Raph's?"

I scoffed, before replying, "Different. Definitely number four on the list of things you're amazing at." I felt Leo's breath stutter in his chest at that before continuing. "Yea, you're great at hugs, but you're also hilarious, and charming, and a fucking badass in battles."

I pulled away long enough to glance at his face, which was gloriously flushed. "I could keep going?"

"No- no- no, um, I- uh, I already knew that," he stuttered, burying his face in my shoulder.

Should I be evil? Yes, obviously, me, duh. "I don't think you do, Blue," I began, slowly drumming my fingers on his shell. I smiled as he audibly gulped. He didn't need to know that I looked up red-eared slider facts, and learned that sliders flutter their fingers on other sliders as a sign of affection.

"Anyway, yea, you know, you're a crazy BAMF, and your jokes really light up the lair, and your sense of style is ON FLEEK," I intoned, getting a slightly wet chuckle in response.

"Plus, your leadership skills are getting really good. You know, I don't remember when I noticed it, but you've always been pretty good at analyzing situations and coming up with solutions that end favorably for us. It's really impressive to witness. That part might tie with the badassery," I continued. Leo's legs seemed to be shaking slightly, so I sat down slowly, letting go of the turtle to get comfortable. Leo turned, grabbing a pillow to hide his face in, practically a ball on the couch.

I smirked at him. "Shall I continue?"

He looked up slightly, glaring at me with the ferocity of a kitten. "Screw you," he mumbled, pillow muffling the words a bit.

"I'll take that as a yes-"

Leo whined loudly from the pillow, curling up even more around the pillow.

"Yea, you're just really cool, and when you wield your ōdachi you just look so surreal. It's amazing-" I was cut off with a pillow thrown at my face. I tossed it back laughing, but Leo dodged, pouting from the pillow he was hiding behind.

"Shame on you. Where'd all this confidence come from?"

"Oh darling, you don't understand. I have very little shame to begin with," I put on a posh English accent. It worked, Leo's eyes crinkling, though the smile was still hidden behind the pillow. I snapped my fingers. "Confidence! Confidence looks amazing on you as well!"

Leo groaned and dove back into the pillow. I could see the blush spreading past his cheeks. Mission success. As much as I enjoyed it, Mikey was probably finishing up with dinner.

Leo looked up again. "Y/N, why-"

"Because, Blue. You deserve the world. You all do, equally. Especially you, Leo. And I love you guys. I wanna make sure you know that, Leo. I-" I dropped my voice, locking eyes with him. "I know you have nightmares. You've been through a lot, and you've decided to and been forced to shoulder a lot. So if you even need to be reminded, you just have to ask."

Leo's eyes had widened, and were now searching mine for any, any signs of deception. I knew he would find none, and I smiled gently. His bottom lip trembled before tears began streaming down his face. The turtle looked down quickly, unable to maintain eye contact, but I didn't mind.

"Come 'ere, Baby Blue," I murmured softly, scooting closer. The sobs grew louder at the name as he clung to my shirt. I held him until they quieted with his grip softening.

"'s ok, Leo. It's ok to be vulnerable. I'm honored to be entrusted with that right now. I'd be honored to be someone, if not the one, you come to to get something off your chest. If not, that's fine. Emotions should never be a burden for one, Blue," I said softly, fluttering my fingers on the edge of his shell again as though it would drill it in. A few more minutes of silence passed as the shakiness in each of Leo's breaths disappeared. The turtle shifted and looked up at me again. "There's the Baby Blue," I cooed, cupping his face and fluttering my fingers. The blush dusting his face darkened again, and Leo looked away. "'m too tired for another breakdown," he yawned, pulling away to sit up. I chuckled.

"Mikey's probably close to being done with dinner," I said, standing. Leo followed slowly, but I stopped him. "I can and will keep reminding you. You deserve the world, champ," I added softly, poking him between the eyes. He looked down, embarrassed, and I grabbed his hand to lead him to the kitchen.

He paused at the entrance, and Mikey and I looked up at him. "I gotta- go to the bathroom!" he said loudly, before quickly walking off. "Don't fall in!" I hollered with a grin.

"Wouldn't dream of it!"

Mikey looked between the empty entrance and the spot I'd taken up. "SO... what was that?"

I shook my head slightly, smiling. "Just reminding Leo of his worth."

[lolosrollercoaster]

Grief is fcking weird.

TW: DEATH, GRIEF, MENTAL HEALTH ETC (take all the TW and run away from this now, I rambled and went to it all and the last thing I want is for this to trigger someone. I only wrote this to express myself not to hurt anyone with my pain). Welp. Let me just start this off by saying - If anyone ever finds this - It's 7:51am and I haven't slept a wink... it's also the 1yr anniversary of the death of my favourite person... which is probably why I haven't slept a wink. So if this gets super incoherent then let it - because I just need to ramble for a moment. I tend to prefer creative writing to this blog/letter/diary type of style, and man is that probably why I suck at dealing with certain things (read: most things). In fact its probably one of the reasons why I've been so fucking frozen in time for almost 3 years, guess all the years of overthinking amplified and brought things to a complete halt. so yup - I've been completely stuck. And there hasn't been enough media, enough imagination or creativity etc to get me to do anything. Was it the pandemic? was it my penchant for overindulgence in all of it that finally stopped working as a coping mechanism and became one of the beams that now holds me down joining the rest of my collapsed psyche that now pin me to the ground? honestly who knows - but maybe I'll address that in another post- because today is about one issue, and that is GRIEF. what a fun little word - and yet so bad at encompassing what it can mean. I mean I feel like we're honestly just starting to get each other despite the fact that I think I've had it in my bag all these years. And man can it mean so much even in the same context if it's with different people? like you think you know what to expect but really (trust me) you don't. I feel like it should be in the human starter kit - the manual - that you absolutely don't know anyone until you've seen them grieve...or even worse- had to grieve alongside them. Like the fact that you never have felt closer yet farther from those people that share this common loss. Oof - if you had told me the whole "anger" part could mean "you're never speaking to this B*tch again" and part of it is mostly because you're angry on the behalf of someone who is already gone or because they made you bring that negative energy to them during their last few hours? I would've thought you were exaggerating. But nope - here I am, 365 days later still thinking - ONE DAY - I will let this person know how fucked up they are- but not today - because the person who died was my abuelita, and the b*tch is my tia - and honestly I can just see my abuelita being mad at me for being mad at my tia. Actually that's a lie - my abuelita could hold grudges when necessary, but she never got mad at me - I think she'd be more disappointed which is somehow worse. But see, anger, grief, rage? they make no sense. Because here I am still pissed af at my tia, a whole year later, and still I haven't called her a b*tch to her face - because my dead abuelita wouldn't like it if I said it. Even if she was actually being a b*tch ( that being said I'm human - so of course I've vented to everyone I know and gotten reassured) and everything she did prior to my abuelita's passing was cruel, stupid, wrong, and absolutely not ok (glad I can at least say that with certainty).

But anyways - Grief is cruel - and aloof, and odd. Grief has pulled me further from my mom than closer to her. More resentful. And it's funny because it's like it's brought out every quality I know my Abuelita would not want out of me. Honestly I might be in my villain era (or at least it feels that way - since I've decided to be strong and set boundaries - and enforced them... in a family where boundaries are non-existent... I might as well be).

But see the grief of her death came at me at the worst possible time. I know, come on universe? can't you check my calendar before you set me up for another one of these eternal redirections/world flipping moment/life "lessons" - and can we please discuss a maximum quota per decade? or at this point per year? I don't think I have the bandwidth for anything else at this point. (please don't take me typing that as a taunt or invitation! I'm good, I swear!)

You see, for some reason I guess the universe decided 2022 ( a year of my favourite numbers) was meant to be my most tested year yet - so much so that it started off with a serious accident for my dad, which happened on the day I was home after quitting the job from hell, on the first month of the year and didn't truly let up from there. By the 3rd week of 2022 I was catatonic - see, I guess 2 can play at that game and my brain+body+soul all collectively decided I needed a time out... so I just clocked out. for a month (?) I still cant tell you. but I guess I had what y'all call a little mental/nervous breakdown? ... anyways by march I was talking again, so I guess that's good - I mean at least basic communication, I wouldn't say I was out in the world, nope that took some more therapy, and A LOT of convincing from pretty much anyone who could try. And of course, given that I was bed bound, and not actively taking care of myself everything afterwards felt pretty much exactly how you'd expect it. Which was incredibly demoralizing - feeling like a zombie, unsure as to why you're alive to find that what little you appreciated about yourself is also not in shape atm - had to cut off all my hair, so that was fun... then more little issues came up, dental problems, and health problems, etc. Oh and on top of it all I had finally caved and filled one of those little mental health assessments (obviously had to lol I had stopped functioning- that was probably not a good indicator). And that led to seeing how much stigma still exists in the medical field for patients. Truly loved that. (I've worked on my mental heath for years but never fully put it all on "paper" fearing the stigma. preferring to have it be known but not written down for fear of how it could affect me - and unfortunately not even 6months later I got to experience it - gotta say it was also lk just the full meal: super fun & humiliating, y'know? even worse than what my overthinking brain had dreamt up so 11/10! great job to all involved!) But anyways, grief! that was also something I gained from my mental breakdown! who would've thought! ... definitely not me!

so anyways, I'm unemployed, living @ my parents house - parent's who definitely don't know how to deal with my mental health, they didn't know for the first decade, maybe its too much for me to expect them to know now going into the 2nd one 🤣 but yeah - idk they somehow kept me alive and here, so they definitely did something right. I gotta give props there! this is one crisis they didn't purposely start and stuck through to the end and provided what I actually needed at the time so 🎉 ( I know I sound like an asshole, but this whole mental breakdown and previous # of mental shithole years have provided me with an insane amount of introspection and reflection on my childhood which... surprisingly 🙄... didn't give me less to be angry about but more 🎉 I'm still unraveling it all, but I've definitely got enough content to keep a therapist employed for a while.) WHICH is a fun next point... access to mental health services ... why is is so fucking hard? man also so expensive when you're employed, even if you live in a country with "universal healthcare". The therapist my mom helped me get with (yay mom!) was with a service that didn't charge me too much, based on a sliding scale, and well I was unemployed and mentally broken, so income was low (thanks for 2021 Lolo for keeping some savings) so at least I could afford it ish but it turns out they worked based on "goals" and my goal in March was to get up from my bed... and hopefully make it outside my room, then eventually outside my door to actually breathe non-recycled air... maybe actually see some other human beings outside of the ones that live with me (or see them more often at least!) eventually be sort of a functioning human again.

And then my teeth got fucked and my abuelita was sick all at once - and my family is not in this country, so we thought ok - lets fly home (10+hrs air journey)... and also lets bring my 13yr old pupper - because my abuelita loved her, and this might be her last chance to go home and see that fam. Also she has separation anxiety and all 3 of us were going (yeah I'm also an only child, unless you count the pupper as my sibling, which sometimes we do). So anyways - here we go - Four anxiety ridden overthinkers on a sad journey to see their fam - it was as insane as it probably sounds - my mom thinking about her mom, in denial of the situation, and also forgetting she had promised to take responsibility for the puppers, me trying not to break down again bc ppl, airports, anxious/stressful parents who always freak out during travel and turn to you for calmness but now you're the stressed one - overwhelmed pup bc its a long ass air journey and she doesn't love being confined to a carrier and would rather be on our laps or roaming the cabin.... yup. Also I needed a root canal - so I was in PAIN. But my tia is in dentistry and it would be a much better job + price back home anyways so it was worth the craziness.

And then I got home - and I saw her. And I lost it. And my dad lost it and that's also when I knew ok well we're fucked. Because my mom is the one that had kept it together this year - she was the one who had to care for us and now it was her rock who was about to leave her. But my mom was in DENIAL. See my mom believes in miracles, but to the point where she expects them to happen regardless of reality and if there's one thing she was never going to do was give up hope in this particular case. But that also meant we had absolutely no idea how it would hit her once it happened - and as much as my abuelita and my mom taught me to believe in miracles, I unfortunately couldn't see one here. See life beat me into becoming a realist, and I worked in healthcare for a while too so there was only so much my brain would allow me to deny or have any type of hope.

Hell, I thought I would be able to handle it better because I'd seen death now more than once. But nothing prepares you to loose your favourite person, specially not when they're suffering and slowly withering away. And I think that's what pisses me off the most still. I held the hands of strangers, I sat with them through their worst times, their last few days. But from the moment I saw her - I knew I couldn't. And in some act of bravery, or dumbfuckery - I did it again - I talked my brain into compartmentalizing it, into rationalizing it, into ensuring I would be present for her. I don't regret that, don't get me wrong - I would hate myself more if I had walked away that first day and never gone back. But in shutting myself off from my feelings regarding it - in minimizing it - because I just told myself "how could I do this for strangers and not for her?" I shut myself down emotionally enough to survive it, but I think it might come back to kill me later.

You see, I make myself useful - because I was taught that's what I should do. so I did. I helped wherever I could, I drew knowledge when I needed it from people who had it, I became the voice of reason when necessary. I organized and learned all I could about what she was going through, I researched what it could all mean. That was the hardest- knowing she was like this because she fell through the cracks of a broken healthcare system. I helped by learning and arming myself with what I could to fight for her, to do what I could to make things better, or less painful for her if possible. But it still didn't feel like enough (and yet it all felt like way more than too much). And then we finally had to bring her into a facility - you see my grandfather was also a victim of the healthcare system - in his case a mistaken dose of a medication not meant for him meant instead of going home that day... he went to a funeral home instead. So of course my family, my mom, my abuelita all feared ending up in a situation like that again. She never wanted to die in a hospital, but even in her pain I think she did it because she didn't want us to deal with what it would entail for her to die at home. So she agreed and asked to be taken to the hospital. And to make it about me again - "everything happens for a reason" is a sentence I hope to never hear again because what do you mean the one they sent us to was the one I was born in (not the usual hospital she would've been sent to, but that one was too full so they sent us to my birthplace) and in that same building 48hrs later after being admitted almost to the minute - she took her last breath ....( just 2months and 1 day before my 26th birthday) So 25yrs, and 10 months after I took my first one in that same building. I now know 2 dates/events to the minute.

my birth and her death.

I'm not angry about that - I'm just confused but not mad - I just still don't understand the meaning of it all if it is supposed to have one. I do remember the last ~14hrs of her life. Since I was the one who was by her side for most of them. So much for that schedule I made (she needed to have someone with her at all times), some would've thought I made it on purpose to get her all to myself one last time. And I don't think I regret a single minute of it -even if it was one of the most painful nights of my life. if not THE most painful. I remember my mom coming to take over and my abuelita looking like she was doing better - like she was giving me permission to go - but I didn't, because I still had stuff to do, I was doing some paperwork for her, and then trying to get an extra visiting pass for my cousin, and then, and then... and then... I found the chapel - by chance, took a wrong turn ended up in that hallway. (you should know, my abuelita was one devoted woman, and the only reason I still had some faith in all of that - but she never pushed, she wasn't a fanatic, she just had true pure faith and it was so pure she did witness miracles and had them happen to her and around her and all of us.) And I sat down and I prayed. I hadn't done that in years. but I did - and I just said one thing: "if its her time, and that time is now - then don't let me or my connection to this hospital be what holds her here. I don't want to be the reason she suffers, I don't want to be what's holding her here if it's her time. I'll figure it out, I'll deal with it all, just please don't let her suffer any more. She doesn't deserve that" And 30 min later she was gone.

My mom held her hand in the end. I saw her face because of course I had to come back for something I forgot and I walked in as she was taking what I now know were her last breaths. I didn't run to her - I'd said my goodbyes in a way when I switched with my mom - I ran to switch with my cousin who was outside so she could go in and say hers.

she didn't make it.

I barely walked the 5 steps outside to my dog's carrier (who was there waiting for me as we exchanged) before my mom called only saying"she's gone" and I dropped.

if you asked me what happened after that I'd tell you flashes of it. I wailed. my dog wailed. I still feel guilty for that - she saw me drop and probably thought I'd been shot or something.

** Oh yeah I forgot to mention we had to extend our trip but my dad couldn't stay bc of work so he had to go home, and it was now just my mom, my dog and I (with the rest of our extended family of course). I eventually managed to start calling ppl - because right - we're the ones that know. my phone was at 16% and dying fast. I'd forgotten to charge it the night before, more focused on her care and not messing any of it up. I remember calling my cuz and just wailing "she's dead" then "sorry gotta hang up and call the others, my phone is at 15%" before hanging up. Still glad she doesn't hate me for that.

my dog stopped breathing and her tongue went purple/blue for a second on the taxi back to her home. we don't know what it was - grief, anxiety, the hand sanitizer my baby cousin was sniffing to keep from throwing up. it was only a second but my life flashed before my eyes again and I somehow got her back with some type of crazy cpr. My mom only found this out a few days ago - she was in the hospital with the body arranging it all. I helped pick out an outfit for her to be put into.

I helped my 19yr old cousin who lives where we live get plane tickets and helped her break the news to her mom (my tia) who was on holiday in Europe... they were supposed to come see her on Oct 4th, but they didn't make it in time. I heard their flight home kept getting delayed and she passed out in the airport.

I had nothing to wear - not that it mattered -but at one point they offered I could wear a set of her shoes and it kinda felt wrong - like why would I wear her own shoes to her funeral. it just felt wrong.

her funeral turned into 4 days of viewing - waiting for my poor cousin and tia to arrive because we couldn't get them there any faster. I don't know if it made it easer or harder to delay it. I stopped sleeping the moment she went into the hospital and didn't start again until ....still unsure. maybe a week after? when exhaustion took me out. I helped organize the funeral, deal with them trying to overcharge us, informing ppl, etc. I even managed to get her interred where she wanted her final resting place to be before our flight back (which when we'd managed to push it we'd changed our return date to Oct 15). I pushed to make it happen so my mom and I could leave knowing she was finally where she had to be. I stopped crying maybe 2 days after she died? ... I only cried 3 more times after. one being when I was a pallbearer.

My mom went... I want to say insane but that feels mean. She definitely did not handle it well, and absolutely pissed ppl off, also said some horrible things that she didn't take back - and hasn't taken back to this day.

I can't say how I was, but I do know I wasn't that bad? I think I spent more time ensuring my relatives saw me as an adult and separate from her so I wouldn't loose relationships than I did trying to offend ppl for no reason, so that was a win. and as far as I know I haven't been blocked by anyone yet - so clearly I did something ok.

I wish my dad could've come but with his health scares + being 70 + having done the journey there and back already it kinda made sense as to why he couldn't - rationally I know that. Irrationally I'm still mad I was left to deal with my mom on my own.

we got back and halloween no longer felt joyous (it was my favourite holiday). I still dressed up for her because she loved that. Apparently she always told my baby cousin that Aurora from tangled reminded her of me so I dressed up as her and watched the movie again and cried it out with my parents.

My dog survived the journey home and actually is now more of a fan of airplanes - we survived somehow.

(my biggest fear was my abuelita and dog dying at the same time, leading to my mom either dying or breaking down like I did and then me having to deal with it all on my own practically. I was sure I would not survive that.)

I tried to talk to the therapist I'd been seeing, he told me I had to reapply to the program... because its goal based, and when he took me on the goal was to get up from bed and leave my house. which I had. Grief however was a different goal and I had run out of appointments for this session set.

I stopped going to therapy.

**somewhere around here was when I had my first stigma filled experience with a GP I went to for a health problem I had. My birthday sucked. despite a bit of a time difference - my abuelita was always the first call I'd get that day. I didn't have enough time to prepare for that one since it happened so soon after. I decided to make my birthday nonexistent. I felt I had nothing to be thankful for and I definitely had nothing to celebrate. I didn't even feel like myself.

I got a job, it was supposed to be a good one. I was excited. I would start it in the new year.

Christmas - sucked. It is(was?) my mom and abuelita's favourite holiday. Not last year. We didn't even put up a tree.

New Years Eve felt like more lk YOUR YEARS GRIEF. I rang in 2023 half conscious as the absolute train wreck of a year finally hit me - and I could not stop crying or being angry or passing out from crying so hard then waking up again to be annoyed again.

And that's when it hit me I had two types of grief.

I'd completely lost myself.

and

I'd lost my true North Star.

see the one thing that questionable therapist got right was that I'd become such terrible people pleaser my entire identity crisis was happening because of it and it had helped push me into that freaking mental breakdown. I had no sense of self bc I would make myself whatever or whoever I needed to be to fit into where I needed to fit. so much so that now I had no idea what part of any of it was actually me and what was just me adapting to survive.

fun, eh?

And then my favourite person, the centre of the most joyful perfect memory in my mind - died. aka the unthinkable.

And now here I am 365 days later - with a fuckton of unfelt grief because I just COMPARTMENTALIZED IT LIKE A PRO. To a concerning degree according to just about everyone who knows me or asks about it. I mean I can't talk about it, or her. I can't read things about grandparents, or death, I definitely have almost broken down at seeing numbers like 82 (her age) anywhere. But nope, I somehow kick it back - shut it down. it almost feels like when you're about to sneeze and then you just don't? y'know that feeling? that's the closest I can compare it to. My eyes start to fill with tears and then suddenly they're dry as a desert and <I'M FINE> (read that like Ross in that one scene in friends). Anyways what's happened in the rest of those 365 days? had a job, left a job (toxic environment - so yay!) put some of that money in savings, spent the other. fought a lot with my mom. Went home by myself this time - took cuz who's my fav adult and also the one who took care of my abuelita all throughout that last year on a much deserved vacay with the liquidated vacation days I got *thank god for our birth country's currency being devalued. I feel terrible about it for my people but since I don't live there it makes it easier to do things like that one - visited Abuelita for Mother's Day. didn't cry. So clearly still repressed af.

but what's new.

Saw Beyonce at the Renaissance Tour with my friends- of course we got tickets back in February so I only realized months later that it was on my abuelita's birthday - but hey - Virgo's groove almost got me to cry in her honour since Bey asked all her Virgo's to get up and dance.

Saw a couple of plays. (Mom got a volunteer gig there and can get me tickets, also she thinks it's a bonding thing. it is kind of fun as long as it's not forced.)

Tried to challenge myself to reading 200 books - pretty sure I've only read 3 so far. BUT I'm trying and that's what matters, right?

also there's a fucking recession apparently? and finding a job is SO FUCKING HARD. that I'm spiralling harder than before. it's been fun - I'm so unmotivated and idk how to fix it. I'm back to hermiting tbh. Also my financial anxiety is at an ALL TIME HIGH. because I only calculated to have fun off work for a couple of months, and it's been more than that - I was so hopeful that I'd get a new job a lot quicker than I did.

Also for another healthy form of *🤡DEALING🤡* we're about to go to Cirque du Soleil with my parents- because we couldn't get tickets for another date (quite literally. these were the only left and we got a special deal with my parents' job). and isn't that funny? or fun. Y'know back when I had lk hopes and dreams, and I was a naive little girl I used to have these ridiculously grand ideas ahah like having acrobats at my wedding ... and that was when I'd only heard about cirque du Soleil which I'm actually only seeing for the first time today. But I don't think I ever thought "HEY- here's a thought - lets watch them for a deathaversary instead since you're so into the dark side nowadays"

But y'know what? I'm just going with the flow at this point.

Because apparently that's grief. And that's life. And that's the universe.

anyways if anyone has a treatment for repression - I'll take it - because this constipation of feelings has me down bad.

also pls pray for your girl to find a job. Her mental health is in the shitter bc living at home is not ideal when they're part of the reason you got shit mental health.

I pray to one day be a mentally healthy individual and actually maybe hopefully have a healthy (or as healthy looking as possible) relationship with my mother. and maybe even my father . but that shit aint happening with all of us under the same roof. that's just a fact. Despite how bad the real estate market is out there, in this case braving it is a life saving measure.

[survivor-north-sea]

episode twelve: "she’s biting at the bit to make a 'big' move" - Raffy

Tyler Frazier

The fact Trinica was able to single handily unify THIS group of people is probably the most impressive thing I’ve seen all game

Trinica

Arvin!! King of the Serve, of the Self-Vote!!!! RIP, you will be missed.

So, getting down to business now. I've been thinking about it, and if it's me, Jinx, and Toni at FTC, the votes play out like this:

Toni: Tyler, JayJay, Champ, Esteban Jinx: Raffy maybe Me: AJ, Bethany, Hairie, Arvin

Which is uhhhh not good. So I need to really really really consider whether taking Toni is my best bet here.

I think my ideal vote order is: Raffy/AJ (whoever doesn't win immunity), JayJay, Champ, Tyler.

AJ

Well Arvin is gone. Can't believe he self voted. I'm just glad I can sleep in tomorrow

Trinica

I had to pretend Jay let me save the fake disadvantage I have because of the bracket-style challenge, and I doubt AJ and Toni will believe that.

AJ asked me if I was the one who brought up her name for the vote because JayJay said I did, and then she said that Toni has been complaining that I haven't gotten my hands dirty. This sounds like such an un-Toni thing to say because she knows how much I've been lying (though she is upset about having voted for JayJay which is silly because JayJay doesn't know she voted for her). I think AJ is trying to make sure I don't have any outside alliances...that, or she's trying to get me to turn on people and be paranoid to vote me out.

Raffy

My alliance voted for Arvin yesterday because they just didn’t trust him like that since they viewed him as flip floppy. I didn’t really see him the same, but I guess they just wanted to stop relying on him.

In this round, I’m going to try to win immunity again and vote out JayJay. I think it’s her time to go. I’ve been sharing idol information with my alliance, but they don’t seem to want to be giving any back. Oh well. I tried. At least I got this diving gear to check out the ship finally. I don’t particularly feel like I need to find the idol, but it would be nice if I did. If it’s in the shop, then I definitely need to win some immunities to be able to purchase it. The coin economy is very low.

I don’t know if AJ will flip on us soon or not. It feels like she will. Like she’s biting at the bit to make a “big” move. I hope she realizes the moment she betrays the alliance is the moment she will get voted out next. I have faith that she’ll stick with us, but we shall see. With FTC becoming closer, people are going to want to fill in their resumes. And I’m probably a big person to add to that.

Trinica

I FOUND ANOTHER IDOL!!! Iconic, showstopping, groundbreaking, etc etc. I actually just bought this one using AJ's money, which is very funny to me. I went back to the market as planned and got the golden scissors, truly expecting a "Steal a Vote" advantage or something, and it was a FREAKING IDOL. My decision to get an advantage yesterday instead of going straight to the market is stressing me out in hindsight, but thankfully I don't think many people have a lot of coins.

I lied to AJ because she thought I was going to the barn today, so I had to make up some BS about what I found in the barn, which I'm sensing in my gut she didn't believe, but I'm so close to the end that I can afford to be a little sloppier with my lies. Especially when I know AJ is lying to me about several things as well. I did tell Toni that I lied to AJ about my idol hunt today (though I didn't tell her why) and asked her to corroborate that lie, so hopefully she actually does. But I think Toni is getting a little suspicious of me at this point, too.

I did use my advantage for Boggle today, so here's hoping I don't flop under the pressure and can actually pull out immunity today. If I can, I'll make it to final 7 (!!!) and then will have at least two more spots I can move up. It'll be tricky figuring out when to use these idols since as soon as I use them, everyone I'm aligned with will know I've been keeping things from them, but I'll figure it out. I just need to avoid going out like James with two in my pocket ;__;

Tyler Frazier

Apparently Jayjay went off on Trinica so I don’t think Raffy is leaving rn and I’m sure Trinica and Toni will be voting out Jayjay and waiting another round to flip. If they even mean it when they say they wanna work with us

Trinica

I asked Toni to verify my story about the barn idol hunt to AJ and she absolutely did not do that. It sounds like AJ believes me for some reason, but Toni is playing a middle of the road game, and she needs to go. The only issue would be convincing everyone else of that. What if F3 was Raffy and Jinx instead? If Jinx knew Raffy was safe, maybe she'd be more willing to vote out Toni...

Toni

Theme: Bad Info

Hello World!

It's been a while since I started a confession like that. This is an indication I'm starting to enjoy the game again. Main thing to report since last time is I used the length of this challenge as way to decompress from the game and I've enjoyed doing that. I told AJ I would throw the challenge so she had a chance of winning so that gave me the chance to take the rest of yesterday and today off which I absolutely did.

We've started to hunt together but I've started to notice multiple people giving bad info so I guess if you can't beat them join them? I've also been vague about my idol hunt activities in order to create some mystery around whether or not I have an Idol. There 2 reasons someone may not Idol hunt right... 1. They've already secured an Idol or 2. They have no interest or time to do so and are focusing on the main game. Which one am I?

I have stopped communication with JayJay completely because she's a wizard with words and I'm only talking to Tyler and Champ when they message me first. I think that's what's best right now in order to stay more under the radar. I'm trusting that my alliance has my back and that I've built up enough trust to continue in the game.

Alright that's it.

I'm interested to see what happens this round seeing as our target is a high profile one.

Bye!

AJ

I absolutely can not believe the fucking idol was found. The worst part is that I literally just finished formatting our idol hunt documents to figure out where we've not yet searched. I can only hope we eliminate the person who has the idol so idol hunt opens up again. I just want to find one :((

Trinica

So to keep track, today:

- Convinced AJ Toni was lying about her idol hunt in the barn to save my own ass for lying. - Toni admitted to lying even though she was TELLING THE TRUTH in our shipwreck alliance chat with AJ. - Took a chance on trusting Raffy's idol hunt intel and got another 10% AD in case I wasted mine on Boggle, which apparently I'm at least okay at - Convinced AJ to use her yes/no knowledge is power advantage on Raffy - Convinced AJ that since Raffy doesn't have an idol, Jinx must - Reestablished a connection with Toni by calling her and being up-front about AJ telling me Toni's frustrated at me not getting my hands dirty, thus redirecting distrust back at AJ.

I went to bed yesterday feeling like I wasn't in the best place for this tribal but now? Feeling on top of the world babyyyyy!

Tyler Frazier

Im already being told to vote Raffy. This could be the end of the line for me 💔

AJ

Well Jinx won. It'll be risky telling her the vote but I do think to inspire trust we'll need to. Praying we can actually pull off a blindside.

Trinica

I THOUGHT I HAD THIS CHALLENGE IN THE BAG NOOOOOOOO!!!!! Lost due to a series of typos, RIP me. But I'm glad Jinx won, as long as it wasn't Raffy/JayJay. I was considering playing an idol if i lost yesterday, but I'm feeling like I'm in such a good place that there's no need.

AJ

Gonna try and confess each time this link gets sent. I'm so proud of Jinx for winning, she really pulled this one off and it seems like smth she has fun with!

Tyler Frazier

Well hopefully Raffy is the actual plan cause that’s all I have to grab onto. I don’t really have much say in the way things go and I’m basically a goat

Jayjay

This challenge was pretty tough considering I’ve never played this game nor am I good at any word games lol. So I got further in it then I expected which was nice but I knew it was gonna be difficult to beat AJ, Trinica, or Jinx because they all seem like very intelligent individuals. I gave it my all but of course I didn’t win immunity so I’m just worried about my name being a vote for tomorrows tribal. I’d like to put a lot of trust in the alliance I have right now and they seem to want one of the other people like Aj or Raffy out before me which would make sense since I’m not much of a threat compared to them and how strong they are in challenges. So far I feel like Raffy will be the vote for us to go with which I’d be all for considering he’s been hunting me down since Esteban has left lol. I feel pretty confident that I won’t be going home however if an idol is played… I think I’m pretty much screwed 🤷🏼‍♀️

Tyler Frazier

O M G I am in an actual alliance I think. Idk hopefully it makes it past one vote. I still think Trinica is winning the season but like I really don't have the power to do anything about it. My game is pretty bad, I dont think I can win at all. I just wanna make ftc so I can go three games in a row without being voted out. My flop era is not serving.

Raffy

The plan with my alliance is to all vote for Champ, but make it seem like we’re voting for JayJay. This is because we are terrified of an idol being played since we have no idea who has them. Trinica and Toni are playing double agents as they are currently in an alliance with JayJay, Tyler, and Champ. They are definitely in the best positions right now. Im definitely nervous since I know that the other side is coming for me. Honestly? I feel it in the air that I’m getting voted out (either by being idoled out or being betrayed). I won’t be too upset with either scenario. I’ve gotten a lot farther than I thought I would in this game. And I’ve accomplished most of what I set out to do. If I do get voted out, I’m hoping for Trinica to pull out the win the most. She definitely deserves it and she is my queen!

Jinx

https://voca.ro/18BBmlHpVe1n

round ?? jinxcast. “it’s never too late to step your pussy up in survivor”

ft a weird my immortal moment

AJ

I think tonight's vote is one I'm the most worried about. Jinx is such a wild card, but I'm praying she'll keep the plan a secret if we tell her to in the name of pink venom. Realistically there is no long game for her without us, so I'm hoping she'll realize that and stay with the gang.

Trinica

Jinx and Toni want AJ out a lot earlier than I wanted AJ out. I really did try to dissuade them but Jinx is so adamant about keeping Raffy, and with me telling Toni that AJ wants to target her, I think I sealed her fate.

There are options, of course. I could idol AJ. But I don't think it makes sense for my game. It would cement our trust, but I do want her out at some point, so I suppose it may as well be now. But I do feel terrible about it.

AJ

I'm so fucking worried about tonight's vote since I've been informed my name is being written down as a split. I can only hope tonight goes as planned, but hey ponderosa is a vibe.

Raffy

Trinica and Toni started an alliance with Jinx and me. Apparently, AJ has turned her back on me and it’s us four against the world. According to Trinica, AJ wants to bring Trinica and Tyler to the end. I mean I would vote for Trinica in a heartbeat in that scenario, but I think AJ actually wants to bring Champ and Tyler to the end and take the big threats out. Where’s the flavor? It’s a shame because I did want to be loyal to AJ but you should never trust someone who reminds you of Els. In any case, I’m going to vote AJ out now. I do suspect she has an idol. The alliance is doing the same. Now we’re 4 vs. 3 in Final 7. Hopefully AJ has an idol that they aren’t using and we can send her packing. I’m just nervous now because my game is relying on incorrect idol plays. Never a good place to be.

Toni

Theme: Troninx Forever

Firstly, I want to say how grateful I am for Trinica and Jinx in this game we have been aligned since the very first week of the game and have held on strong together even through some really big misunderstanding and attempts to separate us. We talk to each other so honestly too and are level headed enough to hear each other out.

This tribal will determine the course of the rest of our game. It's a really important one but I've been asked to save my extra vote. Luckily there are several contingencies in place so fingers crossed we actually manage to pull off an AJ blindside.

I do actually love AJ she feels like she's my child lol but also the boss of me :'). I think she underestimated how strong of a bond Trinica and I had. I think she's underestimated how good of a game Trinica is playing. Troninx Forever!

I'm Out! (Y)

Champ

Still in this game with no a single vote casted against me so that’s impressive! If I stay in I really want to win this next challenge and gain a resume!

AJ

Right before tribal, hoping this all goes well.

[nrc-research-club]

me, my lover, and their $500, life-sized plushie of me.

↬ Summary: They are literally right there. Why would you even need a plushie of them, anyway?

↬ Genre: fluff, slight hurt/comfort, mildly suggestive in Floyd's part

↬ Characters: Vil Schoenheit, Jade Leech, Floyd Leech

Vil Schoenheit

↬ The plushie is made in the chibi-fied image of Vil. Though the style is cartoony and similar to the anime Idia watches, he supposes it can still effectively capture his beauty. It wouldn't do well to be appreciated through only one medium of art. He allows his management to sell the plushie, and as expected, they're gone within the next 10 minutes.

↬ He doesn't know if he should've expected you, of all people, to get one. He isn't even aware of your purchase until he walks in on you one day, only to see you snuggling up with a softer version of him. Your arms are wrapped around the plushie, holding it close to you as you nap. 

↬ Your blanket is pulled over you, leaving only the top of the mini-Vil's to poke out. Its stylized eyes seem to mock him for standing there and not within your arms like it is. Vil knows he isn't the most enthusiastic about physical affection, but really? A plushie of him? He's flattered that you'd buy his merchandise. of course, but he isn't about to compete for your affection with a stuffed toy.

↬ When you wake up, he's already planning to spend the next day off with you. Half of it would be spent on a more elegant date outside, while the other half would be spent in the comfort of your rooms. He'd be damned if his precious free time was wasted on watching you dote on a plushie created in the likeness of him, but not actually him.

↬ "While I am not the keenest on things like hugging and cuddling, I'm certain I would concede if you asked at opportune moments," Vil starts to chide you as you wake up. You haven't even blinked the post-sleep bleariness away before he talks again. "Are you so deprived of affection that you would resort to a toy, dear?"

↬ That night, he finally allows you to sleep next to him, provided that you don't disturb his sleep or anything. He wakes up the next morning feeling the most refreshed he's ever been, instinctively holding you closer to him as he allows himself to close his eyes for another five minutes. After that, it’s back to business with him.

↬ Your arrangement becomes routine when he realizes that the special ingredient to his glowing skin has been you all along. He integrates your presence into his nightly routine, making sure you can stay in top condition with him. The plushie stays on the other side of the bed, undisturbed except for nights when Vil’s not around.

Jade Leech

↬ Jade is both amused and perplexed. On one hand, he finds it adorable that you had a plushie specifically commissioned for this. It cost you a great fortune as well, especially with how big it is. You don't seem to mind, though, cuddling with it whenever he's away.

↬ On the other, he doesn't know whether it's a cry for help or what. You haven't exhibited signs of being touch-starved, as far as he's aware, and you're honest whenever you want attention from him. He isn't the type to drop everything and spoil you senseless, but he knows he isn't neglectful enough for this kind of stunt.

↬ Still, its existence doesn't warrant any jealousy on his part. He lets you come to him for hugs and kisses anytime, though your requests have been dwindling ever since you got your stuffed toy. Jade decides to wait for an explanation instead of prying it from you. After all, it would be interesting to see how long you'll go without the real him.

↬ But maybe what he hasn't considered is how he misses you as well. His body has gotten quite used to your hugs and kisses, and to his dismay, he's started to get a bit restless too. He used to think of himself as independent, but after seeing you baby-talk your plushie, he's not too sure. The last straw is when you visit the Lounge with the toy in tow, showing it off to the equally-excited Floyd and a confused Azul.

↬ You've given him almost nothing today, yet here you are, waltzing in with a copy of him? Jade is quick to take your order, making sure none of the other waiters serve you. When he arrives at your table, he notices that you've reserved a seat for the plushie. Goodness.

↬ "Oh my, I've been seeing that toy around far more often than I expected," Jade says with a smile before feigning hurt. It's been fun, but this stops now. "Are you replacing me, perhaps? I'm a bit hurt."

↬ You see through him almost immediately. You hug your plushie closer to your chest, squishing it between your arms before inviting Jade to the now-empty chair. You're grateful that today's a slow one at the Lounge. Azul probably wouldn't mind an employee of his taking a five-minute break (he would.)

↬ "I just thought you'd get sick of me asking for hugs and kisses, you know," you mumble. Jade takes your explanation in stride, patiently waiting for you to continue. "So I got a specially-made copy of you, just for all that. I'm not blaming you, by the way. I didn't think you'd ask me about it."

↬ Ah. So that's what this is about. He eyes your plushie, taking it off your lap and placing it on another surface before holding your hand in his. He relishes in your surprised, embarrassed expression before saying, "Rest assured that your requests don't bother me. In fact, how will you ever make up for the lost time to me?"

↬ Jade allows you to keep the toy, but he makes sure to monopolize your attention before it can. He sometimes plays hide-and-seek with you, hiding the plushie in positions that would always lead you to him. The most recent game has landed you in his bed with him, and he has no plans of breaking the cycle anytime soon. 

Floyd Leech

↬ Floyd can't believe what he's seeing. He thinks it's unfair, especially when he's been taking care not to squeeze you too hard (or until you’re wheezing). Now you're squeezing a miniature version of him that can't even squeeze you back. There's a bitter taste on the back of his tongue as he watches you cuddle with the plushie, seemingly happier with it.

↬ He doesn't waste any time ripping the plushie from your hold. It gets thrown to who-knows-where, but you don't have the opportunity to check what happened to it. He pins you down to the bed, a dangerous, possessive glint in his eyes as he frowns at you.

↬ "Tell me, Shrimpy," he drawls, his voice taking on a low-pitched, hushed tone. You tremble like prey underneath him, though you're unsure whether it's from fear or something else entirely. You squeak when you feel him nipping on the outer shell of your ear, feeling your face heat up. "Do you want to get squeezed that badly?"

↬ "N-No," you say. He relaxes as you wrap your arms around him and nuzzle into his neck, doing your best to calm him down before his mood gets worse. But you don’t feel any better, cheeks still warm as you try to come up with a good reason for getting the plushie. You have one, but you wouldn’t exactly call it good. He sees right through your thinking face, his face twisting into a frown.

↬ “You better not lie to me,” he says with a pout. The plushie can’t even squeeze you back, and now you want to make something up to justify having one. As if to demonstrate, he changes your positions so that you’re lying on top of him before hugging you tightly. You return the favor by doing the same.

↬ “I actually wanted to do that,” you mumble into his clothes. Floyd is infamous for his squeezes, whether hostile or not, but sometimes, you find yourself wanting to hug him as well. Although you trust him not to hurt you, you’re worried about the grip strength if you decide to squeeze him back. So, your best decision… is now lying on the ground, ignored. “Is it bad that I want to hug you too?”

↬ “Little Shrimpy wants to squeeze me?” he breaks out into a grin and splays himself across the bed. The position is akin to an invitation, one that you gladly take as you attach yourself to him like a koala. As expected, he cuddles with you with a tighter, but not bruising, grip. The two of you lay on the bed until he’s called for his shift at the Lounge, though Azul has a hard time separating the two of you from each other.

↬ In the end, you don’t see much of your plushie around after that incident. You don’t know what Floyd has done with it until Jade approaches you, the plushie stitched and sewn in one piece. He had apparently seen it lying on the ground, dirtied and torn apart, and thought that it might be yours. You take special care to hide it from Floyd afterwards.

[zorosq]

comfort ; trafalgar d. water law

↻ fluff, hurt/comfort, possible ooc law, soft law <3

↻ pairing ↬ law x gn!reader!

@yuu-chan05 asked: Hiya! May I request a Law x female reader where she hugs plushies as a stress relief/coping mechanism? Cause I have two plushies, one is a polar bear and the other is a penguin. They are my two favorite animals and I hug them whenever I feel sad. I hug them when feeling stressed it gives me sense of comfort. I wanted see how would Law would react when he sees her like that for the first time because he is always working late. And then she just tells him that she feels sad/depressed for no reason and Law ended up cuddling with her and her 2 plushies for the rest of the night while watching movies (it can be in modern world or the canon world)

a/n i dont think that i mentioned any gender or pronouns in this one so i hope its fine making it gender neutral :) p.s this is unintentionally short🚶‍♀️

As the day come to an end, you became more sad. At the thought of a new day is starting just makes you feel depressed. It was completely normal for a person to feel drained for once in a while. At times like these, you were glad that Law haven't ask to move in together with you. So before you had gotten together with Law, you had found a coping mechanism for yourself.

You were doing just find with cuddling your plushies that were sitting at the both of your sides. That is, until you were interrupted by a knock. You thought that if you just stay silent, whoever that was knocking at your door would go away. "Y/n-ya, I know you're in there,"

Ah... it was Law... but you still wanted him to go away at the moment. You don't want him to see your pathetic state. You're an adult, you should know how to get yourself together alone. But alas, you had forgotten about the fact that you gave him the spare key to your house. It was because he once had left some of his stuff when he spent the night over. Damn you for forgetting to tell Law not to come over for today. And damn him for ending his shift early.

It wasn't long for him to find you in the bedroom. All cuddled up with your plushies and a blanket covering you. He didn't know what to say when he saw you. He tried to crack his brain for answers on what he should do. He was only a smart man in the other things but emotions. Law finds himself moving towards your bed and climbed onto the bed to lay down beside you.

He removed one of your plushies and put it beside him instead and in return, he hugged you. The moment you felt the familiar warmth enveloping you, you burst out into tears. He knows it was stupid of him to ask, but he did anyway. "Are you okay? Can you tell me what's wrong?" He asked.

His face may have not show it but you can hear the genuine concern lacing his voice. "I-I'm fine. It's just one of those days," You said, desperately clinging onto him as if he would leave the moment you let go of him.

"Do you want to talk about it?" He asked. You shook your head in response. "Can... Can we watch movies instead? I want to forget about it..."

He hummed before carrying you out of bed in bridal style. (And not forgetting your plushies.) When you and Law had finally settled down on the couch in living room, you cuddled up to his side, feeling addicted to his warmth. You watched the rom-com that Law had picked for the both of you. It made your heart lighten a bit, distracting you from earlier thoughts.

You can also see the small smile at the corner of his lips. "Mhmm... Law... thank you for coming here..." You thanked, nuzzling into his neck. His arm came around your waist and pulled you closer to his side. "Anytime,"

[house-of-slayterr]

Fresh Out of Ink: Ink Blot Meet Cute Pt. 3

Tw: Animal death

Tag: @rorschach-thumbtack

Reader's POV:

Several days passed working alongside Rorshach. He didn't talk much, not that I expected him to. The quiet was nice. Except when he spoke, it cut through the air like a serrated blade. Landing in your eardrums with such precision you could think he was speaking from inside your head. I jumped when he cleared his throat. He seemed to have noticed because he stood painfully still for a moment.

"It's late, maybe you should get some sleep."

"No, no. I'm fine."

"That's your ninth cup of coffee, you're shaking."

A drop of coffee spilt from my mug as if to emphasise his point. I steadied my hand and glared at him. It surprisingly wasn't hard to tell if he was glaring back, considering he never took off his mask. I found myself becoming mesmerised by it every once and a while. Watching the shape flow and change was oddly calming. Everyone else who saw that mask would be filled with instant fear and dread. But he was different now that I knew him. I must have gotten lost in thought again because a gloved hand touched mine.

"Get some rest." His voice was more commanding this time.

He took the mug from my hands and set it on the coffee table.

"If you think anyone is going to get past me while you sleep, you clearly don't know me."

Again, despite that stupid mask, I could tell he was smirking. I rolled my eyes.

"You need rest to Rorschach, hate to break it to you but you're still mortal."

"And my will is stronger than yours. I'm used to this. I'll rest when it's safe. Now be a good boy and rest." He joked in his sort of stoic way.

It was weird, I'd never actually come out to anyone besides him. It was safer in this city to just pretend to be my birth gender. Putting on makeup every day, and styling my hair in more "girlish" ways, but I never could get the confidence to wear a dress. It made me feel gross. I sometimes think half the reason I haven't tried harder to transition is for my father. He already lost his life, he didn't need to lose his daughter too. But perhaps that was just an excuse for my cowardliness.

Rorschach had a way of pulling things out of you. I figured if I was going to work closely with him, he might as well know the real me. He'd figure it out eventually. Staying cooped up all day with him and eating takeout was sort of nice. I didn't have to dress up, I could relax a little. And he never once made me feel alienated for what I am. Who knew someone so full of hatred and violence could be so kind.

"I will carry you to that bed." He warned.

But his voice held no humour this time.

"Right, right! I'm going. Goodnight Rorschach."

That night I dreamt of the comedian's death. I dreamt of my fathers murder. Everything was covered in blood. There was nowhere I could run where death would follow. I couldn't take much more of the guilt and bloodshed. I awoke in a cold sweat, blinking my eyes rapidly to ground myself. Rorschach stood at the edge of my bed. I placed a hand over my heart in shock.

"I heard you whimpering." His voice was awkward like he didn't know how to make it sound soft and low. Like he was struggling to find the proper tone.

I shrugged off the blanket, not really caring if he saw me in my boxers and vest. I frustratedly reached for a hair tie at my nightstand and threw my hair into a bun.

"I'm fine." I sighed.

"There are tear stains on your cheek."

I squinted. How the hell could he see that from where he stood. He was halfway across the room and it was dark. Then it dawned on me, that he must have been closer before I woke.

"Where you watching me sleep?" I tried to make my voice sound accusatory.

"Only the last half hour. I didn't know if I should wake you. I've heard that makes these things worse."

I sighed, brushing the few strands of hair that didn't reach my bun, out of my face.

"Why don't you sleep" I pointed to the be "It's still warm."

He stared straight ahead. I picked up the blanket off the bed and threw it at him.

"I'm not asking Mr 'you need your rest' If you need to fight I'm not letting you do it sleep deprived. I'll keep watching the rest of the night, I cant go back to sleep anyway." I mumbled the last part.

I don't know where the sudden vote of confidence came from, but he didn't seem to be angry at it. In fact, I thought I almost heard him chuckle. But that couldn't be right. men like him didn't laugh. The joy had been sucked out of him aeons ago. And for that, I felt sorry.

"Wake me up in an hour if I'm not already awake," he commanded.

I shook my head.

"Two. No negotiation."

I heard him inhale a deep breath.

"Two, not a second more."

I raised my hands in defeat, backing away towards the door.

"You can shower first in the morning if you'd like. I'm gonna attempt to make us a proper breakfast for once."

I heard him grunt. A short but effective response. I closed the door behind me, giving him his privacy to take off his mask. I'm sure he'd just sleep in it again anyways. But I didn't want him to feel like he had to. It was none of my business what he looked like. No matter how many times I'd thought of it.

I looked over some of the photos now with fresh eyes. Checking every inch of the scenery for any types of clues. I refilled the pot with some fresh coffee and gently hummed a tune under my breath. I was careful not to make too much noise as I knew he was a light sleeper. You had to be in his line of work. In a frustrated sigh, I gave my eyes a break from searching. Another strand of hair fell from my bun and I'd grown fed up with it. What was I even hiding from anymore? It's not like I'd made a life for myself yet. No family, kids, friends... I could just start over in a new part of town and nobody would be the wiser.

I grabbed the scissors from the kitchen drawer and talked over to the mirror in my hallway. Normally I'd do this in the bathroom, but with him asleep in my bed, I didn't want to open the door. I violently started hacking away at my hair, letting out the weeks frustration on it. Who cares if it was messy? I just wanted it gone. I stared in the mirror for a long time. I haven't had hair this short since I was twelve. I grabbed a hoodie from my coat rack, and flipped the hood up.

I'd get it fixed later, I could always just wear a hat. I grabbed the broom in cleaned up the mess before getting started on breakfast. I made some french toast and turkey sausage. There was a bowl of oranges I had yet to touch, so I squeezed some into some orange juice. As I was finishing up, I looked at my watch and realised it was time to wake him. I gently knocked on the door, the only signal he needed. After a few minutes with my ear pressed to the door, I heard shuffling then some water turned on. I turned back to finish cooking.

I had grown used to his foot falls, getting better at knowing when he was approaching. I don't think he intended to be stealthy. It was just what he'd grown used to. I fixed my plate and started walking toward my room.

"Knock when you're done."

I ate in my room to give him privacy when his mask was off. I didn't mind it much. I never really used my dining table before now. After eating, I got up to shower. It felt so different and went by quicker when I didn't have to wash a foot of hair. It also dried faster too. I struggled for a moment to put on my binder. But it always felt better once it was on. I threw on a boring outfit of a t-shirt and jeans. When I heard the knock on the door, I knew it was safe to come out.

Rorshach always did his own dishes, and instead upon cleaning mine too. his hand was waiting to take my plate but he paused.

"What?"

"Your hair." He said.

I looked up as if that would give me a better view.

"That bad huh?" I joked.

He shook his head.

"I can fix it. Who do you think cuts my hair?" He stated nonchalantly.

He walked over to the sink and began scrubbing my dish. I stood there stunned for a minute. Not only did the Rorshach offer to cut my hair, but he just cracked a joke.

"You have hair?" I asked before I could stop myself. "I'm sorry!" I blurted out.

He turned to look at me

"That was a good one kid, I'll give you that."

I was glad he wasn't mad.

"Where do you keep the scissors?"

"Drawer on your left."

It was weird having a man so skilling in killing, holding a sharp object so close to my head. But I'd grown to trust him. He worked in silence and I let him, running over the details of the case over and over. The gore of the picture never got less disturbing, but I could look longer now. I'd learned to detach myself from the personal aspect of it. Something he must have accidentally rubbed off on me. When he stepped away I knew he was done.

I got up and walked down to eh mirror, checking myself out. It didn't look half bad. A much better job than I did in my half-alseep state.

"Thank you."

Another low grunt. "Short suits you."

We went back to the case as if that moment never happened. After about an hour, I shot up on the couch. Rorsacch gave turned to look at me and I could only imagine he had a look of confusion on his hidden face.

"The warehouse on 9th!" I exclaimed.

"Hmmm?"

"In the photo, look at the windows in the back. It's the only building in town that has those windows. It was abandoned due to it not being up to the safety code."

"You're more observant than I gave you credit for, nice work." "My job is quite literally to be observant Rory, don't patronize me!"

Another look that I only could assume meant "Stop Talking"

"I'll go check it out." HE stood to leave but I grabbed his arm.

"I think you mean we..." I crossed my arms over my chest.

"You do understand there could be people who want you dead there right?"

"All the more reason for me to go then. I'm not letting you go alone."

"Not happening kid." "I've asked you to stop calling me that. This is my fight too! Whether you like it or not. Besides, if you truly think I'm as defenceless as you say I am, wouldn't it be better for me to stay with you. What if it's a trap and they know you'll leave me alone in my apartment? What then?"

He grumbled, rubbing the bridge of his mask.

"Do everything I say. No hesitation. Got it?"

"Yes."

I didn't dare do anything that might put either of us at risk. I knew how to be stealthy. And I had a little self-defence training. But I was nowhere near the skill he was. As we snooped around the warehouse, it was clear someone had been here recently. I rubbed my fingers along a spot on the wall.

"Rorschach, what do you smell here?" I asked.

He made his way over to where I stood.

"Smells like bleach"

"Exactly, which means somebody tried to clean something up recently. And they did a poor job too."

I took the flashlight out of my bag and shined it on the wall. There was a giant pink tint on the wall. And some white powder near the floor.

"He was here, I know it." I sighed.

This was where my father had his last moments. Rorschach put a gentle hand on my shoulder. I shrugged it off.

"Watch the entrance while I get photo evidence?"

He gave me a nod and walked off. But things didn't go as smoothly as planned. On our way out, I must have tripped some sort of silent alarm. The sound of dogs barking grew closer. He grabbed my hand and we sprinted toward the exit. We were pushed back when a pair of giant dogs. I jumped when I heard another growl from behind us.

"When I say run, you make a break for it." He said lowly.

I sprinted for the door at his signal, as the dogs pounced on him. But the guilt in my chest rose. I couldn't save my dad, but that didn't mean I had to leave Roarschah behind. I dropped my bag on the outside of the building, hiding it near the dumpster. I grabbed a discarded pipe and made my way back into the building. One of the dogs was already taken care of, but the other two were circling him.

"Hey!" I shouted, gaining their attention.

All attention in the room snapped to me. It was exactly what I wanted, but I’ll admit, it’s far scarier than I imagined. One of the dogs came sprinting up the metal staircase to where I was. I backed up to the ledge, dodging out other the way. I swung the metal pipe, trying to ward it off while Rory took care of the other one.

The dog grabbed onto the pipe with its jaws and threw it. I panicked; leaping over the dog as it made a jump at me. I flew over the railing, tucking and rolling right into the other dog. Sending the two of us flying into the nearest wall. Rorschach took that moment of distraction sent his grappling hook flying through the other dogs skull as it came at him.

As I tried to stand, the dog on me latched onto my arm, ripping into my flesh. I let out a loud scream. Thinking quickly, I grounded myself, pressing it’s body up into the wall. It bit down harder, but it started to struggle against me. I used my left leg and stomped down on the wood board next to me, sending a loose brick flying into the air. I caught it with my spare hand and smashed it down into the dogs skull repeatedly until it stopped struggling. I slumped to the ground exhausted, and Rorschach came running over.

“What the hell was that?!? I told you to run.”

“And I told you I wasn’t letting you do any part of this alone.”

I winced, the dogs jaw still firmly latched onto my arm. It’s muscles permanent locked in that position. He knelt down.

“Take a deep breath. On three ok? One… Two…”

I heard it’s jaw crack and felt the teeth leave my arm before three. I glared at him. I looked down to see one tooth still embedded in my skin. I reached over to pluck it from my flesh.

“Souvenir.” I joked.

“This isn’t funny. You need immediate medical attention. And I can’t be here when they come. You should have listened to me.”

“And let you get yourself killed? No way!”

“I have experience-“

“And you’re reckless. I’ve seen how you work. I was sent to survey The comedian remember? I know quite a bit about all of you.”

“Yet somehow you still don’t know who I am under this mask.”

He ripped off a piece of my hoodie and warped it tightly around the wound. I hissed.

“That wasn’t my objective. Despite the irony of it all, I do respect peoples privacy. But everyone has their price. Trust me, if I really wanted to know who you were Rorschach, I’d have known it already.”

He leaned back against the wall to catch his breath after finishing bandaging me up.

“You really should get that looked at.” He sighed.

I threw my apartment key to him with a little “heads up” he looked at it for a moment before looking back up at me.

“Promise you won’t do anything stupid while I’m gone. First aid kit is under that bathroom sink to bandage your smaller scrapes. If you’re not there when I get out, I’ll assume the worst.”

He gave me a small nod.

“Take care of yourself Rorschach. We’re in this… together.”

I waited about fifteen minutes until I was sure he was far enough away. My phone was busted but surprisingly still worked. I called for an ambulance and waited. The nerves finally started to set in, the adrenaline of the whole thing wearing off. Despite my father dying, witnessing as murder and being brutally attacked by guard dogs, trying to get Rorschach to open up was somehow the scariest thing I’ve ever done.

An: Also not me writing this storyline in like three different POV’s. This is the most chaotic thing I’ve ever written so I promise next time I write anything for watchmen it will be more cohesive. And hopefully I’ll have my hands on some of the comics by then. Sorry, I couldn’t do this more justice, I’m trying my best.

[with-love-from-hell]

I don’t know if this is too dark for you ~

Obey me narrated from the brother (I think either Lucifer/Satan or Asmo) where the MC simply…survived, yeah they helped free Belphie but they didn’t get as close? But since it’s unreliable narrative it’s why the MC seems so friendly/naive.

Maybe you can dive deeper into this? Love your writing!x

Hi hi, Anon!

Oooo what an interesting request. I definitely think I am going to take this in the direction of Satan- I haven't written much for him as compared to the other two. I'm going to take this in the route of post ch. 16 incident and withdrawing afterwards due to the trauma. I wrote this in a similar format to how I wrote The Fallout with Mammon, plus a mix of the stream-of-consciousness writing style I dabble in every once and a while!

Thank you for requesting!

Distance

Genre: Angst

Written for Gn!Mc

Narrated from Satan's perspective.

CW: ch. 16 spoilers; swearing; hints of depression, isolation, and PTSD; vague mention of dissociation, avoidant-attachment, not really a happy ending. 

WC: ~1.3k

Two months.

It had been nearly two months since the incident, and they've yet to spare any of their time with him.

Well...They haven’t spared much time with any of his brothers, preferring to spend their time either on their own, or with the Angels. 

It didn’t bother him at first...or, well- maybe it did a little...But he figured they’d get over it after they had some time to process seeing their own death. 

Actually...when he really thinks about it- perhaps that was a pretty calloused way to look at things. 

Satan had been desperate to get closer to Mc, ever since they had helped repair some of the tension between him and Lucifer. He could give a shit less about their connection to Lilith, since the only images he had of their sister were the fragments from Lucifer’s that were given to him. Regardless, he began seeing them as more than just some stupid human, as were the rest of his brothers. 

But perhaps they wasted their chance to see that earlier. 

Mc had been kind and friendly to all of them from the beginning- especially to him. And each one of them spat all of that kindness back in their face with expressions of distaste, insults, threats of violence, actual violence, and a simple disinterest in anything having to do with them. The only brother who had gotten reasonably close to them was Beelzebub- and they’ve even distanced from him since his twin tore them to shreds. 

Satan sighed, pushing away the thoughts for now as he typed out yet another text that was sure to be left on read, asking them to meet him for coffee in the library. To his shock, they replied, taking him up on his offer. Satan felt his heart rate quicken with excitement over finally getting some alone time with the individual who he felt so enamored with. 

-------

Satan sat in the coziest chairs he could find in the RAD library, two steaming cups of coffee in hand. He set them on the table, doing his best to make the space look presentable for them. After all, this is the first time he had hung out with them alone, he wanted to make a better impression and show them he was more than how he appeared upon their first meeting. 

After about 15 minutes past the time they agreed to meet him, Satan felt his heart begin to sink. It wasn’t like them to be late, especially after making a commitment. He bounced his leg anxiously as the clock on wall ticked by slowly, every moment cutting deep into his ego. 

Finally, after another 10 minutes, the doors to the library creaked open. Satan snapped his attention toward the door, abandoning the clock. He beamed as he saw their smiling face, having not been able to recall the last time he had seen them smile like that. After they gave a wave to someone he couldn’t see (though based on the silhouette, he assumed it to be Simeon), they turned into the library and made their way toward him. 

However...the smile on their face faded almost instantly. 

Satan tried his best to maintain his composure, but their sudden look of disinterest felt like a dagger being thrust into his heart. He gave them as warm a smile as he could, standing to greet them before gesturing to the empty chair at his side. They only gave a small nod and a vague apology for being late in response, twisting the blade further. 

The two sat in silence for a moment, sipping the warm, soothing liquid as they awkwardly stared anywhere else but each other. 

Finally, Satan broke the silence. “So...How are you doing?” 

They shrugged, setting their coffee down on the table. “Fine, I suppose. And you?” 

“I’ve been alright- classes have been quite the headache with exams coming up. Are you fairing okay with the workload? I figured I could maybe help you study if you-” 

“Simeon has been helping me enough, thanks.” They give him a weak smile. “But if I need any further help, I’ll come your way.”  

“S-sure.” Satan continued trying to maintain his warm smile, though inside he felt his heart breaking. “Have you been feeling ok? You’ve seemed to be quite distant since- uh- for the past few months.” 

They sighed, leaning back on their chair. Satan noticed the far-away look in their eyes, telling him they were only half present with him in the moment. “It’s been hard- really hard.”

Satan nodded, fixating his gaze on them as they spoke. 

They turned to meet his eyes, lips upturning into a pitiful smile. “Sorry for not responding to your messages.” 

Satan shook his head and gave a nervous laugh. “No, no. It’s fine, It’s not like I was waiting with baited breath for you to reply or anything.” 

They raised an eyebrow and nodded, picking back up the coffee cup. 

Why did you say that, you idiot! He scolded himself internally.

“Uh- anyways. I just wanted to let you know that...” He swallowed, pushing down the nerves that caused his face to blush in a salmon glow. “...That I’m here if you want to talk, o-or anything.” 

They winced, but quickly hid the reaction and nodded. “Thanks- I’ll try to keep that in mind.” 

An awkward silence again fell over the room, Satan tried and failed to make small talk to ease the tension, but the discomfort was evident in both of their actions. Eventually, they excused themself- stating they had plans to bake with Luke this evening. A cop out, he was sure. 

Satan sank down into his chair as the library doors shut in the distance. How he so desperately wanted to laugh and joke with them, to have deep conversations and talks of what’s happened. He wanted to help them like they helped his family, but the walls they built up were so thick- he wasn’t sure if there was anything he could do to break them down. 

Frankly, he wasn’t sure if he even had a right to do so. 

Despite his longing, he knows why they keep their guard up around him and his brothers; why they keep all of them at an arms length; why they spend most of their time in purgatory hall to the point where they should probably just have a changed room assignment. And he know all of his brothers realized it too. 

It wasn’t just Belphie. It was a result of all of their actions- even Mammon and Asmo, despite never actually bringing them any harm. They had their chance to make an impression, and they blew it. And now, someone who they all wanted to get closer to only pushed them away. And who could blame them? Any sane person would take off running in the opposite direction if a Demon so much as looked at them.

But Mc...they gave all of the brothers the benefit of the doubt. They relied on them for protection; for friendship in the place they had no experience in; for some sort of connection to stave of the loneliness of being away from home. And all of the brothers proved to them those things were not something they could provide unless certain conditions were met. 

It was understandable that they flocked to the angels- they love anyone unconditionally. Perhaps Satan could learn a thing or two from them, despite the jealousy he felt in how they were able to enjoy being close to Mc. 

He wouldn’t give up on trying to break down the walls...but damn if it wasn’t wearing him thin. 

[headinthestaticsky]

The Phenomenon of the Immortal Sun: Jasper Hale x Fleur Swan, Chapter 3

None of the characters in Twilight belong to be, all rights go to Stephenie Meyer.

"'Cause I'm lovesick And I ain't even ashamed And I'm hard up, for some time in your sheets Would you be down to spend all your time with me? 'Cause I'm lovesick."

Lovesick by, BANKS.

The reception looked absolutely beautiful It seemed every inch of it was covered in decorations.

"I have to admit, Alice and Rosalie know what they're doing," Jasper said.

"They even made the cake look appetizing to me... not enough for me to stomach to eat it but still," I replied, ever since I had become a vampire, human food made me sick.

"They've done their job then," Jasper said a smile was still etched on his face.

We began to sway to the music, I melted into him.

"Please call me your baby, baby Look how long that you have kept me waiting I'm all in, look at all that I have given Oh, I know your love before I kissed you And now you have only made me miss you Come get me Come love me, baby come love me."

"'Cause I'm lovesick And I ain't even ashamed And I'm hard up, for some time in your sheets Would you be down to spend all your time with me? 'Cause I'm lovesick."

"I just wish Bree could be out here with the rest of us..."

"I wish she could too, but even if she wasn't presumed dead...being around all the humans wouldn't be good for her," Jasper explained comfortingly.

"I know." I pecked Jasper's cheek.

"Please call me your baby baby baby Look how long that you have kept me waiting I'm all in, look at all that I have given Oh, I know your love before I kissed you And now you have only made me miss you Come get me Come love me, baby come love me."

"'Cause I'm lovesick And I ain't even ashamed And I'm hard up, for some time in your sheets Would you be down to spend all your time with me? 'Cause I'm lovesick.'

"Are you going to tell me where we're going or is it going to be a surprise still." I inquired.

"Patience my love, good things come to those who wait." He teased, biting my lip.

I whined

"I don't wanna wait..."

'Cause I'm lovesick And I ain't even ashamed And I'm hard up for some time in your sheets Would you be down to spend all your time with me? 'Cause I'm lovesick

'Cause I'm love sick 'Cause I'm love sick 'Cause I'm love sick 'Cause I'm love sick 'Cause I'm love sick 'Cause I'm love sick

We broke apart from our loving embrace when the song ended. I scanned the crowd searching to see if I could find Leah and Seth again, when I did I dragged Jasper with me eager to see them.

"Hi, I'm so glad you guys made it!" I greeted them and pulling them both in for a hug.

"Good to see you Fleur, you look beautiful." Leah said, Seth nodded in agreement. I saw Billy Black and Sue standing behind them. I walked up to them and hugged them too.

"I hope you'll be happy Fleur...I wish you both the best." Billy said with a somber tone.

"Thank you."

"Well, I don't know about the rest of you but I plan on getting drunk. Sue, could I interest you in a glass of Champaign?" Dad asked.

Before Sue could speak Billy interrupted them.

"Sparkling fire water. Sounds great." Billy said, almost running over dad's ankles." They all walked away.

"How long do you think it'll take for them to get together?" I asked Jasper.

"I give them a month or 2." Jasper estimated. Two unfamiliar voices greeted us both.

"Fleur, Jasper! Congratulations!" A woman greeted.

"Thank you." Jasper replied.

Two gorgeous vampires greeted us, one male and one female.

"Hi, Umm... Eleazar and Carmen, right?" I guessed.

"Mhm, Hola!" Carmen said.

I then saw three blonde women standing behind them, observing us. Jasper saw me looking at them and answered the thought bubbling in my head.

"Those these are our cousins from Alaska. Tanya, Kate, and Irina."

"We've heard so much about you. I'm Tanya." She greeted sticking out her hand for me to shake it.

"Welcome to the family. Bienvenida." Eleazar added.

"Thank you. You're very welcoming." I said.

"Irina, Come meet Fleur." Carmen called out to her.

I could tell something was troubling Irina and I followed to where her gaze was fixated at. She was looking at Seth, anger was in her eyes.

"I can't do this..." She grumbled.

"You promised," Tanya hissed at her.

"She invited one of them."

Jasper looked to where she was gesturing to and sighed.

"Irina, he's one of our friends."

"They killed Laurent!" She rebutted back

"He tried to kill my sister and I." I explained.

"I don't believe that." She said, getting in my face.

"I suggest you back away now... we don't need to cause a scene." I grumbled getting even closer to her face.

She backed away and left, stomping away.

"I'm sorry you guys, thank for coming." I said, a guilty look made it's way onto my face.

"No no don't worry about it..." Carmen comforted.

"Well. Let's not monopolize the bride. Congratulations." Eleazar said. Walking away with Carmen

"Thank you."

"We're sorry." Tanya said, her and Kate walked away as well.

"Well.. what's a wedding without a little family drama huh?" I asked playfully.

"C'mon you let's go, speeches are starting." Jasper said, pulling me in the direction of the chairs.

"Excuse me. Is this on? Hello?" I heard Rosalie whistle at Emmett.

"Umm, I'd like to propose a toast. To my new sister. Fleur, I hope you've gotten enough sleep these last 19 years. 'Cause you won't be getting any more for a while." Emmett laughed and winked at me.

My mouth was slightly agape and I breathed out a laugh. I turned and saw my dad who downed his glass of champagne. My mother just rolled her eyes and repeated what my father had done. I saw Leah stand up and go over to the stage.

"Fleur... I've known you for as long as I could remember. Some of my favorite memories were with you on that beach. And the reaction you would give every time I would shove you into the freezing cold water."

Everyone in the crowd laughed.

"I know I haven't always been the nicest to you, after my father died I completely blew you off.... I know I treated you coldly. But you still were kind and gracious to me and my brother Seth. So thank you... for always being there for me even when I wasn't there for you. Jasper, you better take care of her, you have a whole lot of people who are willing to hunt you down." Leah finished. Jasper gave her a nod and a smile, a silent promise in a way.

My dad stepped up next, I saw tears in his eyes and gave him a comforting smile.

"Jasper will be a good husband. I know this because I'm a cop. I know things. Like how to hunt somebody to the ends of the Earth... I also know how to shoot a gun. But I also know this because he's loyal and empathetic, and a wonderful influence on my daughter. He sniffled before continuing, I love you Fleur... and I'm so happy for you... for both of you."

"Now that you're my sister, you'll have to get over your version to fashion... Yes, you have some style but... the t-shirt and jeans have got to go... and those god-awful ankle boots have got to go too." Alice said.

"Never!" I jokingly yelled.

"Fleur, I remember when Jasper had come home saying he had finally met "the one." I was skeptical, scared even... my first instinct on you was to hate your guts and keep you away from my family. But then I got to know you and I saw how compassionate and understanding you were. I knew you wouldn't hurt my brother, who had been treated horribly for so long and deserved someone with the same amount of compassion as him. Thank you Fleur, welcome to the family. To Jasper and Fleur!" Rosalie finished raising a champagne glass.

"To Jasper and Fleur!" Everyone repeated.

Dinner had gone by smoothly, everyone was too distracted to notice none of the Cullen's and I had eaten or drunk anything. Soon enough after most of the cake was devoured it was time for us to go. I had to run to the bathroom since my contacts were beginning to dissolve in my eyes due to the venom. When I got back out I saw Alice and Rosalie putting Jasper and I's bags into my car. Before I could make it to my car dad approched me.

"Well... It's gonna be strange, you not living under my roof." He started.

"Yeah. It's gonna be strange for me, too." I replied.

"You know it will always be your home, right?"

I know dad, I love you. Forever. I pulled him in for a hug.

"I love you, too, Petal. I always have and I always will. All right. Go on. You don't wanna miss your plane. Wherever it's going."

"I won't dad... I should probably say bye to mom and Bella too..."

"Good luck Petal," Dad said, humor was in his voice. I sighed and walked my way over to them, they were embracing and saying goodbye to one another, since Bella was going on her honeymoon too.

"Oh, Bella... I will miss you so much, I love you." Renee said tearfully.

"I love you too mom, I will miss you too," Bella replied. They both stopped talking to one another when I approached them. Their faces dropped, it seemed I dampened the mood.

"Well, I'll see you later mom, Bella, have a good one." I said.

"Yes, I'll see you in nine months... I mean... later." Renee said condescendingly.

"Mother, even if I was pregnant I wouldn't let you near my child. They don't need your spews of toxicity around them." I spat out before walking away.

I hugged all of the Cullens before walking up to the car, I was about to get into the driver's seat when I threw the keys at Jasper. His face was in shock.

"Only because we got married, cowboy, it's a present from me to you."

"Thanks, Darlin." He smiled at me.

We began to drive off, I waved at the people in the crowd and smiled at them.

"Ready to go?" Jasper asked.

"Yeah...I'm ready."

[tinyboxxtink]

"Black Magic" *Part 3*

Alright y'all this took me ALL day to write [the entire rest of the story] and it took me an hour and a half to just edit this chapter. So I HOPE you like it. I had to find a breaking point it was getting too long, but the next chapter is coming like...maybe 30 minutes.

EEK!!!

Part 4

Part 2

Tag List

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@word-scribbless

@milkshqke

@gibbs274

@chasingeverybreakingwave

@aprildecker-blog

@lolliepopsicle

@stars-in-the-skies-world

@omgsuperstarg

@stars-trash-18

@objection-argumentative

@madamsnape921

-------

After saying goodbye to Maria and the kids Rafael took your hand and you both got in another Uber he had called.

“So where to now?” You asked.

“Well we're going to need somewhere to get this food,” he smiled. “So I'm taking you to my favorite place in the city,”

Soon enough the Uber pulled up in front of Central park. We both got out and walked to the front entrance.

“Central Park is your favorite place in the city?” You asked. “Kind of basic but okay,” you teased.

“Shut up,” he laughed, punching you in the arm playfully. “Wait until you see what part of Central Park.” He took your hand and you walked for a bit until you came across a fountain.

“I mean it's gorgeous but still kind of basic,” you teased some more.

“This is where we're eating lunch carino,” he told you. “The surprise comes after,”

You set up camp on the edge of the fountain and spread out the food. It was enough for a feast. Luckily Maria had included napkins, plates , silverware and sneakily enough she snuck in an old blanket that you could spread out.

“Oh my god.. this is so good,” You said in between mouthfuls of food.

“I told you,” he laughed through a mouthful of his own food.

“No like you don't understand. I've never had food this good,” You insisted.

“Oh no? The fancy lunches from work, not your style?” He smirked.

You stopped eating for a second. Had he really noticed that you took home whatever food the bigwigs never finished? It was kind of a detail that you never had guessed that he would even pay attention to.

“I have no idea what you're talking about,” You innocently replied.

“Sureee…” Rafael nodded with a smile.

“I'm sorry, please don't fire me,” You begged.

“Fire you? I think it's adorable. Trust me I would do the same thing back in my law school days when I had nothing,” He patted your shoulder.

“God do I hear that,” You agreed.

“Wait so you have nothing?” Rafael asked, concerned.

“What? No! Kind of…..I have enough.” You assured him.” It's not like I'm homeless or anything.” Oh my God this is getting worse. “I just mean like, back when I was in college I had even less than I have now.”

“Oh you went to college?” Rafael asked.

“Wow okay counselor I see where the snobbishness is coming back,” You acted offended. And you actually kind of were.

"Oh no no no, mi amor,” He put a hand on your knee, scared he had offended you. “Please don't think that I would ever think down of you. I think you are the most beautiful, smartest caring person in the world.”

He didn't even know you. That was definitely the spell. You sadly shrugged” it's fine,”

“No no what I meant.. I don't know I don't know what I meant,” He shook his head, blushing.

“Yeah you do it's fine you can say it Rafael I'm not going to get offended,” You assured him.

“I just meant... I don't know, or don't understand why somebody with a college degree would be temping, instead of using their degree for a job in their field. I seriously doubt you went to college for temping,”

“Well I don't know if you remember this since it was eons ago before you had money but living in New York is quite expensive.” You half laughed. "And when you have student loans to pay you kind of have to take what you can get even if it's not in your ‘field’,”

“I get it,” He nodded. “I totally get where you're coming from. I'm so sorry I offended you,”

“You know before today I would have stomped off and written you off as just the snob pompous asshole that I thought you were. But after seeing where you came from I know you really mean that,” You smiled.

“So…” he hoped to change the subject. “What exactly is your degree in? Something law related I assume?”

“Why do you assume that?”

“Well.. usually the people that apply to be my intern are only interested in kissing my ass and getting ahead in the lawyer corporate world. But you haven't done that.. Yet,” He raised an eyebrow with a smirk.

“Oh.. yeah.”. you look down at the ground nervously.

“What are you going to kiss my ass now? Because I'll gladly let you do it,” He smiled cheekily.

“No no!” You waved your hands. “I mean that would be nice but--I mean no, what?” You were flustered.

“You're adorable when you're flustered,” He rubbed your bright red cheeks.

“Haha,” you pushed a hair behind your ear. You thought to yourself “Well he's not going to remember any of this anyway so you might as well tell him the truth,”

“Truth is.. I may or may not have manipulated the system to beat out those other snobby law students to get this job,” You admitted, still looking down.

“Really…?” He looked at you suspiciously. “...And why’s that?

“...Because I saw your picture on the file and I thought you were gorgeous and I wanted to see that face everyday,” You blushed intensely, still looking at the ground, not able to tell him in his face..

There was a very long pause and then he put a hand on yours. You slowly looked up at him and he was smiling cutely.

“That is the most adorable thing I've ever heard in my life,” He grinned.

“Really? You think so?” Well obviously he thought so he was programmed to think whatever you did for the adorable duh.

“Yeah I don't think I've ever had a woman try that hard to get my attention. Or want to see me that much, or even think that highly of me,” He grinned.

“I mean it's not really thinking highly of you, just that you’re really attractive,” You laughed.

“Right, of course,” He was blushing even more.

“And that was even before I saw your butt!” You laughed without thinking.. But he really did have the best ass you've ever seen in your entire life. Everyday you walked into that office you just wanted to take a bite of it.

Rafael choked on his food. “I um…” His face was red hot now.. “Thank you?”

“Anyway…” He tried to steer the conversation away from his butt. “You avoided the question,”

“What question?” You asked. Completely in all honestly forgetting what you were talking about. Once you got lost in Rafael's ass your mind kind of went blank completely.

“What iis your degree in?”

“It's embarrassing,” You looked at the ground.

“What? It can't be that bad,” He shook his head.

“Well I say it's embarrassing to someone like you,” You half laughed.

“Someone like me?” He looked offended. “What iis that supposed to mean?”

“I mean I don't.. I mean the person that I thought you were before today,” You grabbed his hand.

“Well you seem to have really disliked me before today,” he nodded curiously. “It's like you don't know me at all.”

“What? Of course I know you.” You assured him. "I love you, remember? And you love me?”

“Yeah.. I do, but I don't know anything about you,” He looked away as if he was trying to figure out an equation.

Oh shit. What's happening? Was this supposed to happen? Wasn't wearing off? Oh God.

“It's a theater degree!” you blurted out, trying to change the subject. Maybe it would work. If you distracted him maybe this would take over again.

He turned his head to the side and stared off blankly, as if he was rebooting. Then he looked up and smiled at you. “A theater degree? That sounds exciting!” He was back to his “usual self''..

You let out a sigh of relief. However, you wondered if you had gotten him out of the spell, would he have freaked out? Would he have accepted it? Would he maybe start having real feelings for you? Well, it was too late now.

“Does it really though?” You rolled your eyes.

“It really does. I don't know if you would believe this, but I'm kind of a theater nerd myself,” He chuckled.

“No way. You? Nahh,” You blew a raspberry.

“Seriously! I had a bit of a theater bug when I was younger in fact. I wanted to be a big Broadway star” He admitted.

You couldn't believe what you were hearing. Raphael Barba the stuffy ADA of New York City as a big Broadway star? Yeah right!

“That's insane! You laughed. So why did you give it up?”

“Well.. as you know, being on Broadway isn't a great way to make money. It's more of a passion thing right?”

“So true,” You nodded as you were eating your empanada dessert.

“So.. I took a hard look at where I lived, and how hard my mom and abuelita were struggling and I vowed that I would get out of El Barrio. And make something of myself and be able to take care of them when I was an adult the way that I couldn't when I was a kid,”

You felt tears choking your throat once again for the millionth time that day. But this time it wasn't for you. It was for him. You really hadn't known any of this, to you he was just a pretty face. You actually had a lot in common.

“That is so sweet.” You pushed the trash between you away and moved up closer, pulling his hands into your lap and looking at him endearingly.

“Yeah?” He asked you with a half smile like a kid looking for approval.

“Yeah it really is. You gave up your passion for your family. I wish I was as selfless as that,” You said softly.

“What do you mean?”

What did you mean indeed? Did you really want to get into the story? Then once again you reminded yourself that he would have no idea no recollection of this after today, so you felt comfortable telling him your secret.

“Well….. You.... I came from nothing too. But all I could think of was getting out myself and never looking back,” You admitted in shame.

“Oh?” He looked at you curiously.

“Yeah, I was really passionate about theater and becoming a big Broadway star. With all the fame, and the money, and getting away from my small town in Jersey. So I threw myself into every activity, every theater, every play, every community theater, every performance, anything I can get my hands on. My parents were super supportive and never thought anything bad of me, even though they probably should have. They wanted me to have the world. And I took that for granted,” You began to get choked up.

“Why do you say that…?” He took your hand and squeezed it feeling like something bad was coming.

“They saved up their entire married lives to give me a college fund. I wasn't aware of it, but when I got accepted to NYU School of acting, they told me that they had enough saved for the first two years,” You continued, trying to breathe.

“Well that's good isn't it?”

“Yeah no totally, except I wasn't grateful,” You look down tears stinging your eyes thinking about how selfish you are as a kid. All I could think about and yell at them was how they didn't have enough for the full four years. How was I supposed to be a big Broadway star if I was still trying to pay student loans?”

“Oh Y/N…”.

“Yeah and that's not even the worst part,” Tears started stinging your eyes. You were lucky he was under some spell because he would definitely hate you after this under normal circumstances.

“Go on, I'm not here to judge you,” He pressed his forehead against yours. He realized how hard the story was taking its toll on you.

“One day it was my big end of semester performance and it was snowing. So my parents said that they weren't going to be able to make it. I screamed at them and told them that this was the biggest night of my life, and they couldn't be bothered to show up and what horrible parents they were and that they never cared about me and a whole huge temper tantrum like a 3 year old.”

You tried holding back sobs you had to make it through this whole thing without breaking down.

“No, honey…” He put a hand on your face.

”And so they tried…” You sniffed. They tried driving on the icy roads of Jersey to drive into the City and they served on black ice in the Jersey tunnel where they hit the wall and were killed instantly.

“Oh my god.. he whispered, “Baby I'm so sorry,” He grabbed you in a hug as you broke down. You just sat there for a minute letting him hold you while you sobbed into his shoulder.

“I just told them what shitty parents they were!” You sobbed muffled into his shirt. "And I killed them!”

“Hey,” he pulled your face from his shirt and looked you in the eyes. “No no you didn't do anything,”

“Yes I did! If I hadn't been such a brat and told them and guilted them into coming to see my stupid show then they'd still be alive!” you kept sobbing.

“No,” he took your head in his hands. “Look I didn't know you back then but I'm sure that your parents loved you and I'm sure that you loved them. That's why you wanted them there so bad. And sometimes it's just people's time. You didn't do anything wrong. Do you understand me?”

“Yeah.. I guess so,” you looked down. “I mean I was punished enough for it”.

“What does that mean?”

“Well I mean, obviously I was distraught from my parents dying. And that semester was the last one that was paid for. So kind of lied to you,” You paused to look at him apologetically.

“I had to drop out one year after that because I could only get student loans for that next year. And you had to have a certain GPA to get them to keep paying for the last year and I most certainly did not have that,”

“Oh...carino, I'm so sorry”

“Then me being me the arrogant bitch that I am, I thought well maybe I don't need a degree. Tons of actors don't have degrees. They can just make it on their own. So I just started throwing myself into auditions for about a year and a half, and I ended up living on the streets because I refused to take any kind of job. Telling myself that I was going to get my big break and be famous,”

“Oh my God”

“I know, right?” You laughed through tears. “I'm so stupid,”

“Hey you are not stupid,” Rafael grabbed your hands again.

“Yeah well, the first temp agency that I applied to had the first job as a personal assistant to a fancy lawyer. So maybe I'm not that stupid,” you smiled.

“Ah.. see? Happy ending. Maybe you went through all that to find me,”

“Yeah.. maybe,” You sadly smiled at him.

Although you knew deep down in your heart that was bullshit, because you really didn't have him. All you did was take another shortcut and be selfish and tried to take him for yourself instantly without any of the work. You were still a selfish bitch. And he didn't know that

“You know...if it makes you feel any better, you are lucky to have such loving parents,”

“What do you mean? Didn't you say you gave up your dream to take care of them?” You assumed that must have meant they were super close.

“Yeah well, for my mom and abuela..”.

You suddenly realized he hadn't mentioned a father.

"Oh? I'm.... No dad?”

“No, no dad.” He shook his head sadly. “I wasn't completely honest with you earlier YN,”

“What do you mean?” You took his hand, already knowing this wasn't going to be good.

“I was forced to give up my dream,” he replied sadly while staring at the ground.

“What?”

“When I was a kid I would watch musicals at my abuelitas house. It was the only place I was….safe,” He continued.

“Oh God.” You muttered.

“I would dance and sing all over her house. She was the only person in my life who ever supported that side of me,” he continued to stare at the ground.

“When my dad came to pick me up one day and he saw what I was doing…. “ He stopped again, you realized he was trying not to cry.

“Rafa…..”

“He tried to "beat the gay out of me.",” You saw tears dripping on the pavement.

You silently gasped.

"Not that I'm gay,' he quickly assured you.

"That was literally the last thing on my mind baby," you shook your head, tears coming to your own eyes as you pulled him into a hug. He collapsed into tears as you rubbed the back of his neck and whispered comforting words into his ear.

Finally he composed himself enough to finish his story.

“Anyway, he uh...he didn't just beat me for that. It was anything really. But I kept at it at my abuelas. She encouraged me even if she couldn't stand up to my dad. I can't blame her or my mother. When my mom caught me still pursuing it she told me to stop if I wanted to keep our dad around saying he wouldn't tolerate a….f word son,"

“Oh my god.” You whispered. You couldn't imagine your parents or any parents really, trying to discourage their kids from anything, and threatening them for being something they were so passionate about.

“Well I guess it didn't matter either way because he ended up taking off anyway. And I felt so guilty that we lost our only income, so my mom had to end up getting two jobs and my abuela moved in to help with bills that then I swore to become better so that I could atone for my sins,” He couldn’t look at you.

“Oh my god. Rafa, sweetie I…. That wasn't your fault., it wasn't your fault at all. He sounds like a grade a asshole,” You made him look at you just as he did when you told your shameful story.

“He was...is. I don't know if he's dead or alive actually. I haven't seen or heard from him since he left. I hate him so much,” he clenched his fists.

“Oh honey,” You pressed a kiss to his forehead.

“No you don't understand. My middle name is Eduardo, named after him. So he's always with me. I have always told people it's Antonio, because I want nothing about me associated with him,” He started to cry again.

After a minute, he looked back up at you very seriously. “I've never told anyone that story.”

“Really? Not even Liv?”

"Not even Liv," He stroked your hair. "I've never felt as close to her as I do with you.” He pulled you into his lap. “The truth is Y/N I have never felt safe since my abuela’s house. Until I met you,”

“Rafa…” You pulled him into a deep kiss, tears dropped down both your faces. “We can be each other’s homes now,”

[acheronidae]

I need to rant about something real quick(spoilers for pretty much the entire series of ninjago).

Keep in mind that this is strictly my own opinion, and if you disagree, that's more than valid, I'd actually much like to hear your side so long as it is presented in a respectful manor.

I don't know who's fault it is, and I'm not going to name any names, but what the fuck happened to Ninjago? Everything before season 11 was decent at worst, and absolutely fantastic at best(I'm not counting any spin offs in that btw, half of that stuff isn't even canon anyway). Now it's just good at best and unwatchable at worst(I haven't been able to watch seabound yet because it's that bad)

In 2018 when Sons of Garmadon and Hunted(seasons 8 and 9 respectively) released, I was super excited to see where the show would go with this darker style, I felt like the show was growing up with me. I was slightly disapointed by March of the Oni(season 10), but that was due to poor pacing and the season feeling rushed, so I was still optimistic for what was to come.

And then, I watched Forbidden Spinjitzu(season 11), and I absolutely fucking hated it. The main villian of the first half wasn't a bad villian by any means, just that she fit litterally every trope that the show had used in the show already. She's a snake, she has been dormant for a long as time before accidentally being released by the ninja who were being idiots, she has beef with Wu, and she does something bad to Zane(because he's the punching bag for the writers apparently, which worked once, maybe twice before it got old). Also, Kai lost his powers and became a sad sack of shit, which is completely out of character for him, because before he had his powers and the other times they got taken away, he'd jump into the fray without a second thought.

The second half of the season was even more shitty, there was a fucking twist villian because of course there was, and it was a surprise to absolutely no one that it was Zane(they weren't going to keep the guy's identity a secret and have it be a completely new character, so it litterally couldn't have been anyone else). Their explaination for how he became a villian, you might ask, he got his memories earased and was told by the first person he saw that he was the emperor and went with it, not questioning a single thing even decades later. Oh yeah, it was decades, because time passes differently in the whatever realm(I know it had an actual name, but I don't care enough to remember it), because of course they'd use another cheap writing trope in a season full of cheap writing tropes, but if time passes slower in that realm, then the ninja would've showed up back in Ninjago a few minutes after leaving, an hour at most(I'm not doing the math for shit), so that episode with Pixal and Wu trying to find them using more powerful travelers tea(also known as the worst episode in the season, and used to be the worst in the whole series until season 14 happened, but we'll get to that later) shouldn't have even happened. Also there was a massive inconsistency where Kai got his powers back and then closer to the finally there was a super dramatic scene with him using them and everyone acted like he'd just gotten them back, like, we're already retconing stuff and the season isn't even over yet, that's impressive.

That isn't to say that there wasn't stuff I liked about it, I thought the part where they were stranded on a rock in the middle of a desert was fun, getting to see Skales and the other serpintine again was nice. And the comedy in this show is still funny despite me absolutely despising almost everything else.

Prime Empire was definately better, so I don't have as much to say about it. I think the legacy shorts that came right before should've been included in the actual season(except maybe the dance one, it doesn't fit nearly as well as the others). The mechanic shouldn't have been an actual villian, he was only good as a small source of conflict in season 6 and his brief cameo in season 8 was fun(but it was just that, a cameo, absolutely no reason for him to become a major character). The episode with Zane being a dectective was hard to watch because of how much of a fool he was making of himself(he's supposed to be the smart one for fuck's sake), and of course that eventually led to him getting captured and almost killed for the umpteenth time. Unagam1's redemption arc was so godamn short it doesn't even count as an arc.

Now for the positives, to say the fight scene between Lloyd and a digital recreation of Harumi was great would be an understatement, and I like that he actually lost and got cubed(which was likened to death, but by this point half of the main cast had received that fate so I knew they weren't going to stay that way). The designs for Prime Empire itself as a setting looked really cool, and for someone who couldn't design mecha or cyberpunky stuff to save my life, I am envious. I loved the interactions between Milton Dyer and Pixal, and how the former was confused about the fact that Pixal and Zane can actually feel emotions in the same way he can.

Master of the Mountain is undoubtedly my favorite of the post Oni and Dragon Trilogy stuff, which isn't a high bar to be set, but I mostly enjoyed this season. My problems are just that Lloyd's trauma involving Harumi was poorly handled when it'd been well executed previously, there was another twist villian that no one was surprised by(though in his defense he was still somewhat entertaining), and it took way to long for Cole to get his entire backstory revealed or to get a focus season at all.

Otherwise, I think Cole and Vania could be a really cute couple, they do have genuine chemistry that I overlooked at a first glance because I so strongly headcanon Cole to be gay, and while it does feel a little rushed at first, it is cute. We need more interactions between Zane and Kai, that whole thing was extremely entertaining, Zane throwing rocked at Kai's head just to annoy him is absolute gold. Actually, Zane was great in this season in general, but that could very well just be bias as he's my favorite character. I like the Cole backstory we did get, even though it should've been revealed far earlier, and the introduction to the elemental burst was well done.

And this is where the enjoyment ends, because The Island was a shitshow to say the least. Introduces another new convoluted story element even though there are still a bunch of unfinished ones waiting for attention, it was really short and disappointing would be a kind way of putting it. They ruined Ronin, who was previously one of my favorite characters because he used to be interesting, now he's just an incredibly cliché cardboard cutout of a conman type character.

And finally, like I mentioned earlier, I haven't finished seabound yet because they screwed everything over even more than they already had. They completely reversed basically all of Nya's character development and made Ray and Maya generic overbearing parents instead of actually fleshing out their personalities like they should've. It makes absolutely no sense that the first spinjitzu master didn't have control over wind and water(or that lightning wasn't part of that group), or that elemental masters for those elements existed at all because I don't think Wojira would be giving those powers to anyone, but mentioning wind makes me think Morrow is going to apear again at some point, though probably not during this season because from what I've seen it tames place primarily underwater, and ghosts are hurt by water in this universe, unless they perhaps decided to retcon that fact(I'm also worried that they might ruin him like they have with almost everyone at this point).

The only good thing about the season(from what I've seen at least) is that it ties in with the previous season in some way, which hasn't happened in a while, but that isn't really even a redeming quality because I doubt it was used well.

Edit: I still haven't finished seabound, but some replies convinced me to give it a second chance and I can now safely say that my initial opinions were at least mostly false. I'm still not entirely thrilled about the season from what I've seen so far, but it definitely isn't bad, I am actually enjoying myself and I bet I will have had a fun time for the most part when I do reach the finale. Kalmaar is one of the only villians in the post Oni and Dragon bullshit that I like, that isn't a high bar to set, but I do at least find him entertaining(and he has a sexy voice, so extra points for that I guess).

Updated Tl;dr: if you're going to watch past season 10, don't expect a masterpeice, there's a metric shitload of problems, but it is still mostly enjoyable.