#if people are willing to go to those lengths now then i think the question of who under socialism would be willing to do those jobs is...

[gothmods]

But also if someone really is going to decide to do absolutely nothing with their life despite being thrown a rope on multiple ocassions i would still rather they do that nothing in a clean and safe home. If someone is going to neglect their own physical and emotional wellbeing i would still rather they recieve the same standard of care as someone who doesnt.

Because i dont know if we can ~save~ everyone so to speak. As in i dont know if we can fix all those wrongs in a persons life that have lead to that point. Preventing them from happening to begin with feels less daunting than confronting the baggage thats mounted up over years. A chunk of that is at the end of the day down to them.

But i still want everyone to have a level of dignity in life yknow?

[bridgetoesoteria]

💌💟Realistically...What would they write in a love letter to you?

Surpriseee bish! Here is my double post as puh-romised. Its spring break, I aced my midterm, I had a nice lil chit chat with my crush where I high key let on to having feelings . *ahem* Now I wanna smoke and pull cards with my internet besties <3

So, I don't like those mushy-gushy readings that tell you the most ideal outcome, not the most realistic outcome. I am hoping to channel an authentic "letter," from the person you are here for.

Options are left to right. I hope it resonates 🥰

Pile 1

4-card spread: Page of Swords, Girl w/ Violin, Strength, The Sun. BOTD: 3 of Swords

I just want to see you happy. I hope you know that. I miss the feeling of you holding me. I think about all the times, I got to hold your hands in mine. I think you are amazing and angelic. If I ever seem difficult, or like I am pushing you away, its just because I don't want to hurt you even worse. You're the whole package. You can shine with or without me.

If there is still bad blood, I will make it right. At least that's what I think about doing. All the time. Can I step up? Can I really have my happy ending; The car, the house, the family, building a life together. I need to get over my cold feet, because the only person I see is you.

P.S.

I love your eyes. I love how much hope I feel when I look into them. I love your hair, especially the length/thickness. I love how balanced you are, and how you can consider different points of view. It has taught me to be more compassionate. It has taught me to care about someone other than myself. You show me that I can get over my demons. We could be a power couple.

(If you have a "butt chin," your person loves this too lol)

Pile 2

4-card spread: 8 of Swords, 9 of Swords(R), 9 of Wands, The Star. BOTD: The Emperor

This person is definitely very attracted to you, but we are here for a love letter, mkay? Not a sext.

I don't know why you are acting like you don't want me anymore. You better not be giving away my ____ to anyone else. I want to be with you. I consider us to be a couple, no matter what happens. If you question where my head is at, my loyalty is with you. I don't want to see you with anyone else. I hate thinking about you being out there, living like you're single. I think about us having kids, animals, a family life. (If you already have kids they want to keep the family together).

I am working on my temptations. I know I need to be more responsible and I am willing to do that. I want to try having self-control. If that means cutting other people off, or waiting until you are comfortable being physical, I will do that. I respect your boundaries. You have every right to have them. I know you are just trying to love yourself. You should always stand your ground...even with me.

P.S.

You have a beautiful heart. You are so nurturing. You keep everything flowing. You completely fulfill me. You are more than enough. You definitely know what you are doing. I wouldn't have taken you for a "lady in the streets, freak in the sheets" type.

Right now, you probably are focusing on yourself. I hope you find the happiness that you are looking for. After pouring into everyone else so much, I hope you will start pouring into you now. I hope you will be receptive to all the good things you deserve.

Pile 3

4-card spread: Ace of Pentacles, 6 of Swords, Page of Cups, The Empress. BOTD: Justice

I can't figure you out. And its...amazing! It keeps everything so fresh. Maybe you don't feel like you are being mysterious but you are. I want to know what goes on "behind-the scene." I don't mean that in a pervy way. I mean, I want to know who you are, where you come from, what is currently going on in your life. I want to make the cut. Do you ever think about what your favorite diamond cut is? 💎

(Where ever your connection is, move up a step. This is not a literal proposal for everyone)

I want us to be on track. If I have to apologize, I will do that. I want to finally start something new. I want to make you feel like the king/queen that you are. I want us to be happy together. Especially if we are expecting 🤰

P.S.

Can I just brag on you really quick? I love your face shape. I love when we lock eyes. I love how you style your hair, even if I have never said so aloud. Even if I tease you about it sometimes. Its cute and so you. Everyone says we (would) go well together, and I have to agree. We could be our town's MGK and Megan Fox 🤣🤣

On a more serious point, you make me want to do better. Internally, I always feel challenged by you. I have my old beliefs, and then there's you. You make me want to throw out all the BS I believe about myself and start valuing myself more. I see how magical life can be, because I see how many miracles happen when we are together. I know I can do better.

Pile 4 4-card spread: 8 of Wands, 10 of Wands, The Emperor, 8 of Swords. BOTD: Ace of Swords.

(Your person could actually be the type to spill their feelings over texts or in the notes section of their phone)

I think about saying this all the time. I build up the courage to start typing, but I can never hit send. I just feel this lump in my throat. I'm a man! (or they are just someone who suppresses their emotions). I shouldn't have all these feelings. I feel overwhelmed by my attraction, my thoughts, my unexpressed feelings.

That's kind of what I grew up with. It was normal. People call it "traditional." I always thought (one of their parents, but I am really getting mom) could do better. Why are you still with them? I don't want that to be you. I don't want that to be our story. You always carry yourself well. I'm proud to be with you. I know you're a catch. I know you are the full package. I can't let you go. Please reconsider. I want to be with you.

P.S.

I hope you're getting rest. Don't lose sleep over me. Which is hypocritical, because I stay up thinking about you. Don't be scared...but I may have watched you sleep. I like how peaceful you look. I feel like I have privacy to fully process my emotions. I look at your face and I think about all the possibilities. It makes me nervous. If I have made a proposal of some kind, maybe to reconcile, I hope you sleep on it before you make a decision.

Pile 5 4-card spread: King of Cups, 4 of Swords, 9 of Wands, The Sun. BOTD: 8 of Swords

I think a lot of you are asking about a feminine energy, but flip the roles if needed. You could be the feminine energy being described, so maybe they want you to know you are "seen". It just started raining, so that makes me feel like this person is definitely more on the feminine side, or in touch with their emotions. You could both be young, or they're younger, or someone has a baby face.

I think about you all the time. Even when I am sad. I don't know if you know how much I struggle. My mental health isn't always in the best place. But you take my mind off of everything. I love when you look deep in thought. I come up with all these random ideas about what you could be thinking of. If you are away getting better, overcoming an ED, I hope you are being strong. I look forward to seeing you again.

You make me so happy. I miss being playful and messing with you. I could see us having babies. I think I would be a great mom/dad. But I know that's daydreaming and wishful thinking. I don't always understand your moods or what you want from me. Could you make it clear without it becoming an argument. I don't want to make you upset.

P.S.

You are soo pretty. I think your haircut really compliments your face. I love your side profile too. You are so smart. You know so much about the world around you or you are always willing to learn. I am impressed by your writing and/or creativity. I love everything about you. If I were an artist, I would make a portrait of you. You would be my muse. I just want you to know how special you are. You are 1 of 1 forreal. I am so grateful to have ever met you. You bring so much joy to my life.

Whew. GD! That was a lot lol. This took me two days. I am going to relax and enjoy the start of Spring Break. Whoop whoop 🙌

And don't laugh at me...but I just discovered archives so I might stop updating my masterlist, since you can find all my readings there too.

Lastly, I am also doing personals if you have not heard! Take a gander.

~ K

[deliciousbasementtrash]

Playing Nurse for the Batfam

Artist: Dexter Soy

Summary: you are a nurse working for Gotham General Hospital. Batman has offered you a job. You are now a nurse for the entire Batfamily. You have been asked by Bruce if you are working with the very people he fights against.

Pairing: Slowburn Jason Todd x Female!reader

Warning: Adult language, mentions injuries, sexual language

Word Count: 1.5k

Masterlist

Note: These characters are not my own they belong to DC. The only character that is 'mine' is the reader. I am going to be as nondescript as possible for the reader as well for physical attributes. This is a continuation series; I’m not sure how long it will be. Also for some reason, my replies to comments are not showing up. I’m not ignoring your comments Tumblr won’t let me respond :( But please, please comment I live for it

Part 11: Honesty

“How many villains have you helped in the past? And are you helping them now?”

Everything for me stopped at that moment. Having Bruce’s eyes on me, a certain type of panic filled my chest. I had to mentally remind myself that he was not my father and he was not going to hurt me. That didn’t stop my pulse from racing. It didn’t stop my mouth becoming dry. It didn’t stop the fear that ripped into me so brutally that my hands shook. I picked at the skin around my nails, the stinging pain made me focus. 

I could play dumb, but there was no way Bruce fucking Wayne wouldn’t see right through that. I could deny the accusations and demand to know why he would think that. I could quit and save myself the trouble. 

Or I could do the scariest thing of all… tell the truth. 

Gotham City: 14 Years Ago

I looked across the table at a man who didn’t feel human. He felt closer to a demon, a devil, a monster. He felt truly vile. His eyes were dark, empty, and joyless. He had a smile carved into his face, but I knew it would never meet his eyes. It took everything in me to remain neutral and heal him. 

He had several cuts along his arms, but they were in various positions, various angles, and various lengths. They were random. 

The creature must have noticed me staring, “Little girl, ask me how I got these cuts!” His voice was shrill, and he cackled when he noticed I flinched. When I didn’t say anything he laughed harder. His hand snaked out faster than I could pull away. He gripped the nape of my neck and pressed his forehead to mine. His skin felt loose and cold. It felt undeniably wrong. His dead eyes stared into mine. I felt like I couldn’t breathe, or blink, or move, or scream. I couldn’t do anything. I was at his mercy, and I knew he had so little of it. 

“I said ask me!” He screamed at me and pressed his forehead harder into mine. 

“H-How d-did you g-get those c-cuts, sir?” I asked, unable to keep my voice from trembling. 

The creature released me. I had to fight the urge to turn around and run away. How could my father leave me alone with this man? He had to know I wasn’t safe. I knew he didn’t care about me, but I thought he would want to at least keep his golden goose alive. 

“The Bat gave me these cuts! He and I, we have a repertoire you see. We enjoy playing cat and mouse. And you see little girl, we like to play rough. It was my turn to be a mouse! Gotta keep the relationship fresh! Would you like to be the mouse or the cat?” 

The question felt like a trap. If I answered mouse he would treat me like prey. If I answered cat he would demand I perform violence to prove myself as a predator. The longer I took thinking about it, the more impatient and angry he got. 

“Neither,” I answered honestly. I willed my tired body to heal him faster. 

“Ah ah,” he tsked, reprimanding me, “that is not part of the game. Pick one.”

I have played mouse my whole life. I was sick of being weak. I was sick of being used. 

“I’d want to be a fucking dragon. Not a cat. Not a mouse. I want to breathe fire so I can tell men like you to fuck off and leave me alone. I want men like you to be scared of me,” the words flew out of my mouth before I could stop them. 

The Joker tilted his head like he was seeing me for the first time. He smiled at me and began laughing so hard he wheezed. 

“You have a lot of work to do then, little mouse.”

With that, the clown got up and left. The second he was out of the room it felt like I could breathe again. I swallowed hard. 

Tonight was the night. I couldn’t do it anymore. Despite everything the Joker was the one to finally spur me into action.

I ran to my room and lifted up my loose floorboard. I grabbed the cash I had stolen from the safe. I grabbed my go bag. And I ran. 

Gotham City: Present Day

I told Bruce everything. I told him every minute detail. I told him about my mom, my dad, and everything that happened in my life. 

“So, to answer your questions: I don’t know how many there have been, but it has been a lot. And no, I vowed the day that I ran away that I wouldn’t heal another villain again. And that I would never be– I will never be a pawn for someone else.” I would never be a mouse again.

Bruce stood quickly and moved around his desk. He stood before me large and brooding, and then he knelt. 

“I am so sorry, Y/N. You don’t deserve what has happened to you,” his dark voice became surprisingly soft. “And I am sorry for doubting you.”

I felt my eyes start to burn, and I roughly blinked to rid myself of the potential tears. 

“Does this mean I still have a job here?” I laughed weakly. 

“Yes. I value honesty and loyalty above all else.”

I nodded and rose on shaky legs. I left the room without another word. 

I took the elevator down to the Batcave. My nerves felt frayed and split open after reliving my past with Bruce. I needed a distraction. I needed to hit something. 

The elevator doors split open and revealed that I was not the only one who wanted to get a workout in. Dick and Jason stood in the middle of the training mat. Both were shirtless and sweating as they swung fists at each other. For a moment, all I could do was watch like a wide-eyed pervert. 

Jason’s body was riddled with a myriad of scars. I saw evidence of burns, lacerations, gunshots, and of course… the autopsy scar. Dick also had his fair share of scars but it was about ¼ the amount that Jason had. 

Dick had the body of a gymnast. His muscles were lean and lithe. He was built for fluidity and speed just as much as strength. 

Jason was built like a fucking brick house. His shoulders were impossibly broad, and every inch he was covered in thick roped muscle. His physique looked like he had been carved from marble. He was unforgivingly hard and defined. I couldn’t help myself as I stared longer. Despite his size, he kept up with Grayson. For every punch or kick Dick threw at him Jason ducked or blocked accordingly. When he moved to hit back he put his whole body behind the punch. I could see it in the way his thick thighs and hips rotated.  

Jason landed a particularly hard hit on Dick’s shoulder. Dick winced and held up a hand. 

“First: owe that hurt, jackass. Second: I want a break,” Dick said in a sassy tone that made me snort. 

Instantly, both of the men swiveled their heads toward me. I tried pretending like I wasn’t watching them, but something in the gleam of their eyes told me they knew it… and maybe liked it.

Jason smiled at me so brightly that it made my heart clench. 

“Hey, you. Where did you go?” He asked. 

I approached both the boys, “I had to have a meeting with my boss.”

Dick winced, Jason straightened up. “What did the old bastard want?” Jason asked. 

“Information, as per usual,” I replied. It was hard to focus. Jason was dripping in sweat. A bead had run from his forehead, down his face, and ran over his Adam’s apple. I had to force my eyes back up, so I wouldn’t watch it trail lower. 

Jason smirked at me and took a step forward, “Are you ogling me, Y/L/N?”

I could feel my cheeks heat, “Not at all, Todd. I’m just taking in the physical condition of one of my clients.”

Jason laughed, and leaned forward, “Such a good little nurse, aren’t we?”

I rolled my eyes, “Don’t worry I assessed Grayson just as thoroughly.”

Jason’s eyes darkened slightly, “Oh, I doubt that–”

“Okay well, I feel like an awkward third wheel. I’ll leave you guys to it,” Dick said, as he practically ran into the elevator. Before I could rebut his claim the doors were already shut. 

I returned my focus back to Jason and I saw his eyes trail the burn on my cheek and the bruises on my throat. His demeanor completely changed. He became ramrod straight. Every muscle in his body was tense. Even a muscle in his jaw tightened. 

He ran a finger parallel to the burn, “How are you feeling?”

Like I got my ass kicked, “Fine.”

“Be honest,” he practically growled out. 

“Sore,” that was an understatement but I didn’t feel like voicing my pain. Every time I did that with my father he would just tell me to suck it up and stop being a complainer. 

“You’re more than sore. I know you are.”

I shrugged and that seemed to anger him more. I ignored it and redirected the topic. 

“Spar with me?” It was more of a demand than a question.

Taglist: @soundsfunbutno @killxz @morpheus-girl @redhood414 @bungunz @conicoroahre @greenyofthegreens @taytaylala12@theroyalmanatee@nym-0-s@sarahskywalker-amadala@bonesbonesetc@dreaming-of-the-reality@gone-batty-fics @thescarletcryptid@bakugosgf2005@irregular-child@vythika96@greenyofthegreens@mythicalmo@eccentricarabella-blog@princessbl0ss0m @ghostindeath@whirlwind2005@the-lights-are-loud@00hellohello00@tfygcdy@theblindhag@murkyponds@midnightecko @crookedmakerfury@cosmicqueenieb@deans-spinster-witch@princessbl0ss0m @moony-clock@unstablekay@whirlwind2005 @waywardwind21 @astrelz @yl90

If I missed anyone please let me know <3

Author's note: You guys are so slay, ily all <3 Thank you all so much for your kind words, comments, messages, and interactions!! They inspire me to keep writing. I hope you guys continue to enjoy the story, thank you again <3

Hashbrown Cam!

[heartfullofleeches]

Liu is such a sweetheart that I can't help but wonder how they'd react when they let their more... primal urges take over. How would Liu react to feelings of intense jealousy/possessiveness over the reader? What are some of the lengths they'd be willing to go to protect the one they love the most?

Liu is reluctant to act or even address those feelings. All they want is a normal human life with a normal, healthy relationship with their partner. It's not normal to think about ripping innocent people apart for the faultless sin of being friendly with their darling. It isn't normal to want lock them away from the rest of the world, but these are urges they can't control - and so they cover them up like the rest of their imperfections.

Liu will attempt to distance themselves from the source of their jealousy. They'll immediately change the subject if they come up in conversation and avoid outings they know the person in question will also be attending. They're still polite in person, but whenever they're not actively speaking to the person they're likely hanging onto to you or just.. staring at them. This works as a temporary solution, but it isn't permanent. They can still hear their voice over the phone, them smell them on your clothes - your skin. It was probably nothing- just a hug, but that little voice in the back of their mind tells them otherwise. They want you, they need you too. They'll take you away and you'll choose them because they're more human than Liu could ever be...unless they do something about it.

"H-hey... Y/n, can I talk to you about something?... Look, it's been fun, but I don't think we should see each other for a while. Life's pretty crazy on my end right now..... I'm sure you have other people to share your time with....Goodbye."

As murder is preferable their last resort, Liu will attempt to sabotage your relationship by mimicking the voices of everyone involved. It's extremely draining on them its something they rare do and it feels wrong to use your voice, but they'll do what they must to keep you with them. If by some miracle your relationship survives, they will take to threatening the person using various tactics such as phone calls and leaving spoiled meat on their doorstep. They'll follow them everywhere they go and do pretty much anything to scare them off even glancing at you.

In the case of these extreme measures failing to work, or anyone harms you in general, there's really only one logical solution their mind can conjure. Neighbors are sure to lock up tight when they hear about the wild animal attack that claimed the life of their fellow human right in their own home.

[teyamsatan]

ᴋɪɴᴋᴛᴏʙᴇʀ ᴅᴀʏ ɪ - ʜᴀɴᴅᴊᴏʙ

pairing: Neteyam x avatar!reader

a/n: hi and welcome to kinktober x if this first work seems familiar, that's bc it is lol. i have been so so busy and so i have decided that for prompts that fit some of my previous work, i'd give myself a little grace and use those instead. now, i think this works great because there's a lot of new besties here, so this way people get to read some of my earlier work and (hopefully) enjoy it for the first time!! i can't wait to go on this journey with you 🎃🧡 smooches x

words: 1,3k

warnings: it goes without saying, but all of these works (kinktober-related) are smut and therefore minors should NOT interact with them. other warnings include: oral - male receiving, inexperienced Neteyam.

taglist (x)

Being a human had its perks, and being an avatar, well, that goes without saying. One of the perks, turns out, was the wealth of information available to you at the touch of the button. Say what you want about the Sky People, but they were informed in things you could barely even conceive, and well, you've always loved to learn. You spent your whole life learning everything you could get your hands on, from more useful things, like how to patch a wound or how to treat an infection to... less useful things for day to day endeavours, but definitely intriguing to you.

There was a lot in Hell's Gate that the Na'vi and the scientists that were granted leave to stay were unaware of, and you were glad. Your research led you to unearth some... unsightly discoveries, that you were more than happy to have to put to good use right now, after a relaxing swim in the nearby lake, with your best friend that... has some questions. Well, you were nothing if not a good friend, and a dutiful teacher.

His eyes were wide as you smile and push him until he falls to the ground with a small thud. It was quiet in the forest, only the small chirps and trills of the animals living peacefully could be heard over the sounds of both your laboured breaths. He was anxious, you noted, based on his fluttering ears and his erratic tail wags.

"Are you nervous, Tay?" you couldn't help the teasing tone of your voice, as you traced your fingers down his body, from his collarbone, to his chest, down his defined abs, until you hooked your fingers in the band of his loincloth, tugging at it gently.

"Let me make you feel good, Tay. Let me show you what it feels like to be human for a little while."

With that, you untied his tewng and let it fall to the floor, and you gasped a little at his size. He was bigger than you expected, and the sight aroused you beyond belief, beyond words and comprehension, because if before this was just supposed to be a learning experience, now you knew that while he would get his, you would definitely get yours, too.

Almost inquisitively, with a tinge of wonder and awe, you run your fingers over the patterned stars of his length, from the base to the cotton candy pink tip, marvelling at his beauty and how nothing you've ever seen before in movies or magazines could ever compare to it. You tighten your grip and smirk when a sudden inhale broke through the silence and you raise your gaze to meet his eyes, that were tightly shut as his head was pushed back, and you knew then you wanted to see this face, see how he reacts to you, to your lessons, every day of your life.

"...f-fuck!"

You slowly start pumping him, taking your time, analysing each contraction of his facial muscles, thrilled at how he's falling apart around you and you haven't even properly started yet. When the tip becomes covered in pre-cum, you can't resist the need anymore, and you slowly inch your lips towards it, a little startled when Neteyam gets up suddenly, concern deeply embedded in his features.

"W-what are you doing?"

A hand still pumping him, you placed the other on his chest, pushing him back, willing him back in the same position he was in before.

"Shh, relax, tay. you wanted to learn, right?"

With that, you placed a small, gentle kiss on the tip, licking every drop of pre-cum, and you were shocked at how sweet it was, how you wouldn't mind having it coat your tongue, and your mouth, and your throat, until it was all you could taste. You shuffled uncomfortably at the ache that took over you, and how good you knew his cock would feel filling you, how just the stretch itself would bring you to the brink of orgasm. Maybe next lesson.

You couldn't help taking more of him in, your tongue pushed flat against his length as it went further down your throat until you gagged slightly around it. The groan that escaped Neteyam, low and uninhibited, emboldened you as you started a steady bob of your head up and down his length, one hand continuing to pump what you couldn't reach otherwise, while the other rubbed circles into his thigh, hoping this way he wouldn't overthink this and just relax. After all, what were friends for if not to help each other... learn and unwind?

His hand finds your hair and you purr against his cock when he starts petting you, the little gesture enough to make you excited for when he'd be experienced enough to take charge, the way you knew he had it in him.

"You feel so good. S-so good, fuck."

His hips buck against you and you moan as he slips further down your throat, as he starts thrusting in your mouth, and you let him, impressed about how quickly he seems to catch on and turned on about how his first instinct was to immediately take control. This would be easier than you thought.

"I'm gonna, i'm cu-"

Ropes of cum shoot down your throat as his cock throbs in your mouth, and the noises he makes, carnal and primal, make you slowly start grinding against the ground to find some of your own release. You make sure to suck him dry as he pulls out with a small pop, and you smirk as you lick your lips, watching him trying to catch his breath, watching him panting and slowly regaining him composure.

"Enjoy yourself, friend?"

"So... when's the next lesson?"

taglist: @pandoraslxna @sulieykte @blue-slxt @eywaeveng @neteyamsikran @elenamoncada-ibarra @spicymayyo @itsjazzsworld @daddysmurfslefttoenail @eyrina-avatar @iameatingmyhair @

[jmdbjk]

Fan service

Just going through my 5GBs/800 images and vids in (just) my Jikook folder and noticed a lot... A LOT of fan service type images and stuff. Staggering. The amount of thoughtfulness and preparation Jungkook and Jimin have done for us through the years, sacrificing themselves all in the name of fan service...

Like this obviously staged and scripted reaction from Jungkook, sitting there waiting for Jimin to show up in comments:

Actually, go look at almost any of JK's lives and see him performing flawlessly. The timing is impeccable, how he spots Jimin's comments is 🔥 level reflexes.

This ultimate fan service live when Jungkook set up an hour and a half of fan servicing about Jimin:

Of course the fan service has been going on for YEARS...

This fleeting moment that someone snapped for fan service:

Was it Tae or Hobi that snapped the pic? We'll never know, they didn't bother to take a pic of themselves during this gorgeous sunset with either of these guys because... it was only for fan service.

And this random Instragram person who was in on the fan service agenda, and JK with the eagle eyes finding it amongst the 100s of 1000s of questions/comments:

I wonder if maybe he telepathed some questions out to the universe so these people from all over the place would know what to ask/say, like secret code shit?

And H.E.R. doing her part in fan service, its great to have willing participants for your fan service agenda:

I bet she's done this before too.

And of course this ultimate, elaborate and expensive fan service weekend getaway... anything for the fans:

The best part about it is, Jungkook didn't tell Jimin he was filming all this for fan service. Made him stay in a hotel room with no privacy in the bathroom in a hotel that caters to couples... the lengths... the sacrifices... bless them.

And here they are again, the never ending fan service, so tiring:

I bet they staged the entire Jack in the Box listening party just for jikook fan service. I wouldn't be surprised. Rented out the top floor of the HYBE building, catered it, all for fan service.

The general public is in on the fan service too. A random person taking sneaky fan service pics, great timing and teamwork:

And this random person too in on the sneaky fan service agenda, everyone playing their part in the charade:

This was one of many photos from this particular dinner (fake) date with non-celeb friends.

The general public really are the stars of fan service:

Another (fake) restaurant date but this time with other celeb friends.

But the eyes on the back of JK's head seeing his cue for FS? 💀:

How can he see through his hair though? That's my question. Sheer talent! 🔥 🔥 🔥 🔥 🔥

And JK's eyes on his face automatically performing fan service, must be muscle memory or something:

And his hands too, more muscle memory from all that fan service practice:

I can visualize it now... "Jimin, hold still, I need to practice feeling you up, stop squirming, I'm gonna have to use those handcuffs you brought home if you don't stop trying to get away..." um... wait... that went a little too far...

Anyway...

And this pre-planned-the-night-before fan service, they are such professionals always thinking of fan service, practicing, perfecting...I wonder how many times they had to do THIS to get it just right? :

I could say a lot here about "practice makes perfect" but I will refrain...

Hobi going off-script here taking Jimin by surprise... maybe it was something Jimin and Jungkook were practicing for fan service and Hobi almost spilled the beans?

And this ingeniously pre-programed mechanical ear reaction fan service...so clever:

This happy-as-shit-to-be-going-overseas fan service, JK and his fake bouncy happiness, Oscar-worthy. I wonder if they practiced in the car on the way to the airport:

The general public doing that fan service shit again... wonder how much they get paid for this? I want in on it:

Jungkook telling Jimin, "we have to go around a bunch of times to make sure that random person gets it right."

It's never ending, 24/7 fan service with these two. It must be very time consuming to come up with new fan service moments. I wonder what they will show us next?

[please read the tags for heavens sakes]

[dwobbitfromtheshire]

Stuck Between a Jock and a Metalhead

Summary: Nancy, on a whim, decides to visit Steve at Scoops Ahoy, which leads to her overhearing confessions from Steve that leads her to think about the decisions she's made. A few days later, she decides to come back. She finds him being hit on by the town freak. What's a girl to do? Oh, get stuck in a freezer with the both of them.

Chapter One - Chapter Two - Chapter Three - Chapter Four - Chapter Five - Chapter Six - Chapter Seven

Chapter Eight

Nancy scribbled furiously in her diary as she wrote about the last few days. She talked about Eddie and Steve. . .Steve’s family. She felt so guilty about not really noticing or paying attention to his home life. She couldn't believe that his parents couldn't find any room in their heart to love him. She also discussed the goings-on at work. She had filled several pages already. The word pansexual stared up at her from the page with several question marks behind the word, and she glanced at the picture of Barb at her desk.

Nancy couldn't help but think about what she told Eddie and Steve. She really didn't think about dating anyone before Steve came along. As she thought about it, her attraction to Jonathan grew as she looked hard at the person he was trying to be for her, someone who was willing to break the rules for her. . . For her friend Barb. She had wanted to believe that he was doing it for Barb, and he had gone to great lengths to protect his brother. It was why she was willing to ignore everything else. She also realized she was attracted to Eddie because of the way he interacted with Holly. The first time that she had interacted with Steve. . .

Nancy was walking in the hallway when she saw someone rush past Steve and Tommy H. The person, not seeing where they were going, knocked all of the books out his hands and Steve's.

"I'm sorry, I didn't see you. I'm late for class," the fluffy haired boy said.

"I think Steve deserves better than that. I mean, you could have seriously hurt him. Kiss his feet, I think that would be hilarious, don't you think, Stevie boy?" Tommy laughed.

"Knock it off, Tommy," Steve glared at him. "What's wrong with you?"

"I really am sorry," the boy said.

"It's fine. No harm done," Steve said as he helped pick up his books.

"I'm just messing with the boy, Steve," Tommy giggled as he squeezed the boy's shoulder tightly. "Just trying to keep things. . . Orderly. . .isn't that right, freshman?"

Steve scowled and peeled his fingers off the freshman, shoving Tommy.

"Stop it, Tommy, this isn't like you. Stop trying to be like those asshole basketball players. Just because we're on the team. . . ," Steve muttered and turned to the boy. "Go on to class, you did nothing wrong."

The boy scurried off while Tommy laughed at him.

"Shoving me. . .does someone want to play rough?" Tommy asked, and then he rolled his eyes.

"I didn't join the team to become a bully, Tommy," Steve said. "It was one thing when you bitch about someone behind their back. This just makes you look like an asshole."

"Don't be such a baby, Harrington. I was just joking," Tommy said. "Don't be such a coward."

"Right," Steve said and watched him walk off.

It was one thing to stand up to a bully, but it was another thing to stand up to your friend when he's acting like one. He had been so nice and understanding to the freshman. . . She had never seen it before, but she finally understood what everyone was talking about when Steve Harrington was so handsome. She could see it now. Maybe that's why she had been so shocked when he broke his camera because at first she had seen it as something a bully would do. Her attraction to people clearly weren't looks, but their actions. The more she thought about it, the more she thought about Barb.

"This isn't you, Nance."

She always knew about Barb from the beginning. She had been a lesbian, boys hadn't held her interest at all, and maybe because Nancy hadn't shown any interest at all at first, maybe she thought Nancy was like her. She wondered if Barb had been trying to protect her character or her sexuality. It was probably both. She knew about Barb's own fears of being forced into a heterosexual relationship, and it had been the reason why Barb hadn't told her parents. Barb would never know if her parents would accept her or not.

"Nancy?" Her mother's voice startled her out of her thoughts.

Nancy jolted. She hadn't even noticed that the door had opened and her mother's head had appeared in the doorway.

"Hey," Nancy said softly.

"I thought you would be in bed by now. I just came to check on you," Karen said. "Is everything okay?"

"You'd love me no matter what, right?" Nancy asked.

"Of course," Karen asked. "What's brought this on?"

"Mommy, would you still love me if I fell in love with a woman?" Nancy asked.

Karen looked at her in surprise before smiling and cupping her face.

"Of course, I would," she replied and paused. "Are you in love with a woman?"

"Well, no. I think I just realized that it doesn't really matter what someone's gender is, I think I'm open to the idea of falling in love with a woman," Nancy said. "I could definitely see myself with a woman, but right now. . .no."

"Well, you've always fought for what you wanted, and I always admired that about you," Karen said. "I'll always support you."

"What if I wanted to rob banks for a living?" Nancy asked.

"It depends on what you wanted to do with the money," Karen said, and they both laughed.

"What if dad has a problem with it?" Nancy asked.

"Then I'd shoot him," Karen said, and Nancy laughed. "Thank you for talking to me about it. I'm here if you need to talk about it some more."

"I think I'm ready for bed now," Nancy said. "I love you."

"I love you, too," Karen said and hugged her tightly.

Nancy went to sleep that night, loving her mother more than ever. She had some flaws, but loving her children unconditionally wasn't one of them. As she drifted off to sleep, she realized the fluffy haired boy who Tommy had tried to force to kiss Steve’s feet had been Eddie's friend, Gareth. She eventually fell into dreamland, where she dreamed of Eddie and Steve chasing after a gaggle of children surrounded by trees and woodland creatures. The kids ran toward Otis, Steven, and Irene. Otis and Steve were wearing their uniforms. Irene was in a lovely blue dress with her red hair all pinned up. Suddenly, it changed. Nancy was the one in the blue dress, except there was a fedora on her pinned up hair, and she was typing away on her typewriter while the kids danced around her, blowing her kisses. Steve and Eddie were dancing in each other's arms in their uniforms, kissing each other deeply with each dip. They pulled Nancy into their arms and kissed her. Of course, the dream ended with Nancy trying to stop Eddie from making their new baby his new drummer.

Nancy woke up with a smile on her face, but she wasn't sure why because the dream had been really weird. She blushed as she got ready for the day, thinking aboutthe dream. It wouldn't be like Otis, Irene, and Steve because if all three of them were together, Nancy wanted all three of them to be. . . Well, not platonic, that's for sure. She looked at the clock and saw that she had gotten up early. Nancy headed downstairs and saw Mike helping his mother make breakfast in the kitchen.

"I knew it! I knew you liked helping mom in the kitchen," Nancy said teasingly.

"Nancy!" Mike exclaimed.

"You're going to scare him away," Karen said playfully. "It's all thanks to Steve that Mike realized it's not just a woman's job."

"And thanks to dad passing on his genes to me, being a terrible cook, isn't just a man's job," Nancy grinned.

"Hey," Ted said, walking into the kitchen with Holly. "We can make coffee and toast. That's something."

Nancy giggled.

"Speaking of Steve, you've been spending a lot of time with him lately," Karen said, looking at her knowingly.

"Oh, man, are you guys getting back together?" Mike asked, scrunching up his nose.

"Stop acting like you hate Steve. We all know how much you love him," Nancy said teasingly. "And no, we're just friends."

"I suppose it wouldn't be the worst thing if you guys got back together," Mike rolled his eyes.

"Was that hard? It's okay. You can go back to being an angsty teenager," Nancy said and Mike huffed.

"Heard Steve was thinking about reopening his grandfather's salon," Ted said. "Otis was a good man. It would be nice to see that up and running again."

"Hmm, yeah. I helped him go through his grandfather's things the other day. It certainly sounds like he's a much better man than Steve’s father," Nancy said.

"Steve is lucky that he takes after Otis rather than John," Ted said.

"Steve would love to hear you say that," Nancy said.

"Is Steve’s daddy an asshole?" Holly asked and Mike snorted.

"Holly!" Karen and Nancy exclaimed.

"Yes, but also, don't say that," Ted said.

"Anyway," Nancy said, struggling not to laugh. "Steve offered to take me to work today. He doesn't have to go in until later."

"Oh, maybe you can call him, and he can be here early to have breakfast with us," Karen said.

"That would be awesome," Mike said, and then he scowled. "Whatever, I don't care."

Nancy laughed and used the kitchen phone to call him.

"Hello?"

"You've been requested by my mother and Mike to come here early to eat breakfast with us," Nancy said.

"And Holly! Holly wants Steve here too!" She shouted.

"And Holly, too," Nancy laughed.

"Alright, let me finish getting ready, and I'll be there," Steve said.

Holly was the first one to greet him as soon as he walked through the door and threw herself into his arms.

"Steve!"

"Steve, it's good to see you," Ted said, holding out his hand.

"Ted, man, it's great to see you," Steve said, shaking his hand. "Quick, say something funny!"

Ted laughed and wacked him on the head with his newspaper. Steve handed Mike a comic book after greeting Karen with a hug.

"Finished reading up on our favorite comic book hero!" Steve exclaimed and Mike beamed.

"And? What did you think?" Mike asked.

"Hm, little disappointed with the ending, but I can't wait for the next issue," Steve said.

"Yeah, me too," Mike said.

Having Steve join them for breakfast made Nancy happier than when Steve joined them in the past. Maybe it was because she was more aware of how great it was to have him around. Steve insisted on helping clean up after breakfast, and Nancy insisted on helping him. They worked in comfortable silence with them occasionally flicking water at each other while hip bumping each other, breaking the silence with their giggles. Once they were done, Steve and Nancy said their goodbyes before heading towards the door. Steve was stopped by Holly.

"Are we going to see you more, Steve?" Holly asked.

"I hope so," Steve replied.

"Definitely," Nancy said, grinning at him.

"Good, cause I missed you," Holly said.

"I missed you too," Steve said and shared a soft smile with Nancy as Holly hugged him.

They pulled away in Steve's car, singing along to Madonna. After a couple of songs, Nancy looked over at Steve.

"Thanks for driving me to work," Nancy said.

"It's not a problem, happy to do it," Steve grinned.

"You know, my parents are thinking about getting me a car for my birthday," Nancy said.

"And how do you know that?" Steve asked.

"I might have overheard a private conversation," Nancy said.

"Nancy Wheeler, you sneek!" Steve laughed.

"What? I need to practice my sleuthing skills," Nancy said, rolling her eyes. "It was a complete accident."

"Right," Steve grinned. "Oh, looks like we're here. Uh, I hope you have a good day and that those assholes don't get to you."

"Not even they could get to me today," Nancy said.

"Yeah. Are you having a good morning?" Steve grinned.

"Definitely," Nancy said.

"Oh! Eddie called earlier. He wants us to check out his band tonight. Are you interested?" Steve asked.

"Yeah, that sounds like fun. So, are things going well then?" Nancy asked.

"Yeah," Steve replied.

"I'm happy," Nancy said softly.

"Me too," Steve said.

Nancy leaned over and hugged him tightly. She breathed in his scent for a moment, breathing in the smell of his hair. She could tell that Steve was doing the same, and she smiled. She climbed out of Steve’s car and started walking towards the front door when she saw Jonathan sitting in his car staring at Steve's pulling out of the lot. He looked so sad and for a moment she felt sad for him but then it was gone. She walked into the building, putting Jonathan out of her mind.

Later that evening, Nancy ate a quick dinner with her family and then waited patiently for Steve to pick her up. She spent a lot of time trying to decide on her outfit, but she figured Eddie might want them to come as they are. She settled on a nice pair of jeans and a ruffled blue shirt. When they left, Nancy and Steve made sure to say goodbye to everyone, including Holly, who was pouting about not getting to see Eddie play.

"The Hideout is exactly what I pictured," Steve said when they walked in.

It was small with not a whole lot of customers, but Nancy thought it had character even with the rickety looking stage in the back. . .if you could even call it a stage. They saw Eddie sitting at a table with Jeff and Gareth as well as another person she didn't recognize. Nancy and Steve made a beeline for him. Eddie whooped at the sight of them, pulling both of them into a hug.

"So, glad you guys could make it," Eddie said. "You're in for a hell of a treat. Nancy, you've already met Jeff and Gareth. Steve, you haven't. This is Frank. Say hi, Frank."

"Hi, Frank," he said with a laugh.

"No, that's not what I - ugh, whatever. I'm really glad you guys are here," Eddie said.

"Glad to be here, it's a nice place," Steve said.

"Oh my God, you really mean that. Do you need your eyes checked, man?" Jeff asked.

"Probably," Steve said casually.

"Why - ," Gareth started to ask.

"You know what, let's get set up," Eddie said in amusement.

"But he - " Gareth started to say.

"Hey, I know you!" Steve exclaimed, snapping his fingers at him.

"Jesus, you remember that. I ran into you once," Gareth said.

"Yeah, well, Tommy was an asshole. Sorry about that, by the way," Steve said.

"It's fine, you dropped his sorry ass so, it makes you cool in my books," Gareth said. "You can't apologize for anyone's shitty behavior, only your own, and you were never a shitty person."

Eddie and Nancy smiled at Steve before Eddie walked off with his band. Nancy continued to smile at him.

"What?"

"Nothing," Nancy said softly.

They found a table close to the stage. Steve and Nancy settled on ordering a couple of cokes, wanting to stay clear-headed for Eddie's performance. They were both surprised when they started playing Queen, Steve’s favorite band. Nancy thought it was really sweet that Eddie was serenading Steve, especially when he was beaming at him as they played "Bohemian Rhapsody" and then "I Want To Break Free." Eddie played "Toto" by Africa, which caused Steve’s eyes to light up. The last song they played was "Love is a Battlefield." Nancy enjoyed the way Eddie played so passionately. They all did, but it felt like Eddie was pouring his entire soul into the music. Nancy's cheeks flushed, and her heart raced at the sight of him.

"Hot," Steve and Nancy said.

"Really? You think so?" Steve asked.

"I have eyes, don't I?" Nancy asked.

When Eddie hopped off the stage, they immediately pulled him into a hug and beamed with pride.

"You were all so good," Nancy said.

"Definitely, I figured you would play heavy metal," Steve said.

"Well, that is our genre, but we respect all music in this band, and Queen always rules," Eddie said.

"You were really good on the drums, Gareth," Nancy said. "Definitely better than a newborn baby."

"What the fuck kind of compliment is that?" Gareth asked.

"Oh, I dreamed last night that Eddie replaced his drummer with a newborn baby," Nancy said.

"You replaced me with a newborn baby, Munson?" Gareth asked in mock offense.

"I can't control what I do in someone else's dreams, Emerson!" Eddie exclaimed.

"Well, you could try," Gareth said sternly.

Gareth then poked him with his drum stick and wiggled his eyebrows at Eddie, who scowled.

"Let me get you a drink," Eddie said.

He pulled Steve and Nancy into a booth before ordering them more coke.

"So, you ever think of making it big?" Steve asked. "Because you totally could."

"Nah, I tried that before but I fucked it all up trying to work a job with my dad but turns out he was just conning me and the girl who was going to help me, well, she only managed to get me an audition for a record label and not the rest of the band. I'm not sure if I want to do without the boys, honestly, and now I think I just want to make music. Nothing else matters," Eddie said. "It's whatever, though. My dad's officially out of my life and even though I fucked it up with Paige, I still get to play my music."

"That sucks about your dad, man," Steve said. "He's missing out on a great son. It's his fucking loss."

"Thanks, man," Eddie said.

"Well, all of you are talented," Nancy said, touching his hand. "So, you guys play here every Tuesday?"

"Every Tuesday," Eddie replied.

"Well, I think you got two more audience members," Steve said.

"That's fucking great!" Eddie laughed and slapped the table. "Are you guys going to the fourth of July fair?"

"I hadn't really thought about it," Steve said.

"Me neither," Nancy said.

"You guys want to go with me?" Eddie asked. "You guys could meet me there. It could be fun."

"I would like that," Nancy said. "I'm pretty sure that Holly wants to go with mom and dad anyway. By the way, Holly is very disappointed they she didn't get to see her Teddy play. So, you might have to give her a private concert."

"I would love to give the princess a concert. We usually play Saturday at Gareth's in his garage," Eddie said. "Bring the little lady on by."

They talked for a long time until Nancy started to get sleepy, and she pulled Eddie into a tight hug. She couldn't wait until they saw each other again.

Chapter Nine

[wildpeachfarm]

Hi Moku!

What does one do after taking a fat nap and waking up disoriented? They scroll your blog of course and keep up with the daily news! (And random absolutely serious discussions of underwear 😭).

I saw some mention of CCs moving weirdly again about the Dteam, and teaming with Sapnap for an event, and I’d just like to add my thoughts on the matter.

I feel like this is a common occurrence in the four years I’ve been a fan and part of this fandom. The process literally goes like this:

someone from Dteam (usually dream) gets called out for something, Twitter freaks out and reacts before the “cancelled” party can respond/apologize, upcoming projects are pushed back months/years depending on severity of “cancelation”, unrelated CCs speak out against “cancelled” party (usually Dream), project release is finally approaching and hype is being created, fans and CCs alike suddenly like Dteam again. And then it gets rinsed and repeated till it’s sucked dry.

Only difference in this case was it was George being called out and Dream sticking by his boy, rather than Dream being called out and Sapnap defending him. And it just becomes increasingly more obvious how performative all these CCs and their fans are, the more this cycle rears its big, ugly head.

I think the difference in this situation as opposed to others is that Dteams own friends (if you can even call them that) spoke out against George, and that showed their fans that George is absolutely despicable and irredeemable, making Dream also the same by proxy.

And with this knowledge I raise this question. Why was this situation the one that did it for them? Dream has been accused of everything under the sun (even lost a year of his life trying to prove himself innocent over false allegation), and they all stuck by him-very loudly and proudly, might I add. Why then, do these people choose now to revoke their support and end friendships? Especially without first talking to the accused party? Their friend?

Seeing people associating with Sapnap, the same people who were quick to (very loudly) denounce George leaves a sour taste in my mouth. And the people expecting Dream to just drop George irritates the hell out of me, too. Why is it so hard to remember that these three men are a packaged deal, regardless of how much solo content is produced?

Whilst dream was going through some of the hardest shit in his life, those two stuck by him. When Sapnap was getting called out for joining Kick, they stuck by him. And even now, Sapnap and Dream both released statements saying George is their friend, he made a mistake, and to support Caiti. Reading comprehension must be poor here cause nowhere in either of their statements did they say they’d stop being friends with George. Thats their fucking bro, and they will support him, as he’s done with them.

Everyday I’m further surprised why Twitter clout means so much to people, when that’s not where peoples’ fanbases are. The mob they are constantly trying to appease will turn its back on them the second they get called out. Y’all were quick and loud with your responses (George hadn’t even released anything yet), and now that dreams teasing his project release, yall want in on the hype from that? Sure, but give a public apology to George for the way you jumped to conclusions and basically threw away a friendship. And give him a private one, as well that you actually mean what you say (though we don’t need to know about that one).

“Watch how ccs move the next couple of days” “anyone who does something like that is no friend of mine” (not verbatim) ‘my truth about dream’ “keeping him at arms length”- that’s a whole lot of words to say you’re weak-willed people who don’t support their friends in time of need but actually care more about your image than being a good friend, and I’d hate to have friends like that. I hope if they do try to come back now, they aren’t welcomed back by Dteam. We all know Dream don’t care how people treat him, but he don’t play when it comes George (and Sapnap, but George is the one who was in the hot seat recently). I hope he “keeps them at arms length” for how they responded to the situation, and basically threw away multiple friendships.

Yall don’t get to act the way you do, and then try to reap the benefits of someone else’s hard work and success, especially when you’ve publicly ended your friendship with them. We’ve reached the end of that vicious cycle, but I’m hoping this outcome is different; I’m hoping this time there is no welcoming back for these performative CCs, and they can sit there and reflect on why that is. Maybe then they’ll grow a backbone.

Anyway, those are my thoughts on the subject matter. (Don’t know anything in regards to the underwear discussion 😭). I apparently love getting on my soapbox every time I send something, so I thank you for reading it every time.

Have an awesome day, love!

-L :)

Hi L!! Yeah i absolutely agree with pretty much everything you said and I think what made so many CCs jump ship this time was the fact that it was a content creator within the community that spoke out similar to Shelby. However, that does not excuse their poor or extreme reactions to handling the situation.

I do think that the cycle you mentioned is super tiring and I feel like the community needs to do a better job of going "oh you dont fuck with us anymore? okay bye" and not following their actions for months afterwards to hate on them (unless we see hypocritical actions like coming back to hang with our CCs with no prior apology or public support because thats just a bit odd tbh)

I appreciate the soapboxing tbh!! It's always a good read :)

[autisticcassandracain]

I think we'd have a lot less bad takes about the way DC currently handles Barbara Gordon's disability if we were willing to admit that looking abled is far, far more important to abled people than actually being abled.

The reason DC is willing to give Babs chronic pain, a part-time cane, a (sorry excuse for) a backbrace, but not willing to let her be a full time wheelchair user is because if they made her a full time wheelchair user they wouldn't have the option to pretend she's abled. That's it. It's that simple.

To abled people, looking disabled is one of the worst things that can happen to you. This is why deaf kids are deprived of sign language. This is why blind people are deprived of white canes and braille. This is why people with mobility impairments are deprived of and discouraged to use mobility aids like canes, crutches, rollators, and wheelchairs. This is why prostheses with a focus on lifelike accuracy over practicality exist. Hell, it's not just true for physical disabilities: this is why the entire concept of masking exists.

Having an invisible disability brings unique challenges with it, yes, but also, you get fundamentally more baseline respect from abled people. I, as an autistic person who can pass as neurotypical near-perfectly, am treated infinitely better than an autistic person who is clearly and obviously autistic. That's why I go through the effort to pass in the first place. Those who pass are seen as human, at least at first glance. Those who don't, aren't. This same principle applies, arguably even more strongly, to people who are physically disabled.

Yes, this respect is heavily conditional. Yes, it hurts to acquire and maintain. Yes, there may come a point where it becomes impossible or not worth it to maintain. But let's not pretend like there's no reason invisibly disabled people often go to great lengths to ensure the disability remains invisible.

There is a chronic lack of disability rep in superhero comics; in fact, disability is probably the least represented minority in comics. When disability rep does appear, though, it usually comes in two flavours:

Fantasy disability that does not exist in real life, or is so far removed from it as to be near-unrecognizeable (Cyborg, for example)

Invisible

There is a reason for this. It's because abled people don't want to look at disabled people. They want to be able to ignore a disability, to forget or deny that it exists. They want to have the option of not acknowledging it.

DC does not want Barbara to be disabled. That much is obvious, considering how long it took – how much fighting it took, from fans and, undoubtedly, from individuals within the company – for them to acknowledge that getting shot in the spine might have consequences regardless of what magic chip they employ. DC wants Barbara Gordon to be abled, but a fully abled Barbara received just a little too much backlash to be worth it.

So they went with the next best thing. They made her invisibly disabled. Because looking disabled is worse than being disabled.

It doesn't matter whether an individual author or artist portrays the invisible disability well. Hell, it doesn't matter whether an individual author or artist decides to show her using a cane or even – gasp – a wheelchair. Because if another author or artist doesn't want to deal with it, they don't have to.

This is also, coincidentally, why Barbara's portrayal was often more openly ableist when she was paralyzed. Authors and artists were forced to deal with it, even when they clearly didn't want to. They couldn't erase it, so they had to attack it. Now, they can just pretend she isn't disabled, and if questioned on their portrayal, respond "she was having a good day".

That's why she's invisibly disabled: plausible deniability.

Look, I get we're all starved for rep. But, @ invisibly disabled people defending this choice because they feel represented: you're being used as a smoke screen to harm other disabled people, because the ableds believe you're more palatable and easier to deal with than them. Are you going to prove them right?

[daughterofcain-67]

𝕽𝖆𝖎𝖘𝖊𝖉 𝖎𝖓 𝕭𝖑𝖔𝖔𝖉 (𝔭𝔱5)

(Dean Winchester x Female Reader)

(masterlist)

𝐬𝐮𝐦𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐲: After Dean finds out that Tessa is a part of the cultish actions and suicide bombings, he takes Tessa back to Castiel's headquarters to see if he can get her to tell him why she's doing this and who is behind framing Cass. All the while, you see how Castiel and Sam worry about Dean. You recall hearing about the brothers through the grapevine and you've never heard of something like these brothers have. It makes you begin to wonder if being human was really so tricky, if you had been missing out since you never had that chance like other demons.

𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠: mentions of suicide bombing, suicide, death of a character, SPN level violence and gore. Mentions of torture. May not be suitable for all audiences. Continuation of the previous chapter, heavily based on Season 9 Episode 22 so there will be major spoilers if you have not seen this episode.

Previously…

"I don't know exactly why Sam wanted you to come along. But if he expect you to talk me into slowing down he really needs to understand that I'm fine. Everyone's got their shit they need to handle and this is mine." Dean told you in a less argumentative tone.

"Then you really need to start asking yourself how far you're willing to go. How many people are you willing to lose? How many loved ones will you leave behind because you won't accept the help. This mark? It's not a gift, Dean. It's a curse. And you have no idea what you've gotten yourself into."

Now…

Dean had located Tessa and insisted that he should go and talk to Tessa alone because he wasn't sure how Tessa would react to him approaching her with a demon by his side.

You couldn't blame him for that. You knew demons had a bad reputation everywhere you went, plus it didn't really matter what he said as long as he got the reaper there so he and Sam could do their little interrogation.

You had to admit, it was rather puzzling to you why a reaper would get themselves caught up in this angelic mess of things.

While you waited on Dean to return with Tessa, you sat in a separate interrogation room. No one asked you to be there and you weren't getting questioned luckily. You just wanted to get away from the glares of the angels around you. It was pretty annoying more than it was anxiety inducing. Plus if you were there it's not like they'd get anything done because they'd be arguing with Hannah about if Castiel really told you to be there or not.

So the interrogation room was where you chose to go because it was a lot quieter than Castiel's office. It gave you a space to think, even meditate a little on things.

You thought about your short conversation with Dean. You remembered the interaction with Sam and Dean in the car. You remembered the tension between them and you could understand why Dean was angry for Sam going behind his back. It was a form of deception.

What you couldn't understand is why Sam would go to such great lengths to try and save Dean. If he could even be saved. Were siblings really like that?

Then again you wouldn't necessarily know for sure because the closest thing you had to siblings were the demons that went into hiding with Abaddon that taught you the best methods of murder and torture from what they could remember from the Knights of Hell. The only time Abaddon was ever involved was to supervise your "exams" and see how you were progressing, so she wasn't exactly the best maternal role model.

You remembered when you opened your tattoo parlor in Cincinnati. The humans that came to your shop were all interesting. You didn't know why, but they'd tell you about their lives or their families, their celebrations and their problems. Being human sounded like such a tricky thing.

But even with those interactions with your clients, you hadn't seen anything quite like Sam and Dean. You've heard through the grapevine about the brothers over the years. Some of your clients had been hunters, and if it wasn't through hunters, you knew of a spell or two that would connect you to some sort of demonic radar that you used to use back in the day to catch up with the world especially when the End Times were supposedly upon you before Sam and Dean saved the world.

Anyway, you've heard about when the great John Winchester died supposedly to save his son, heard how Sam was supposed to die but Dean Winchester took his place in Hell and stayed there for 40 years Hell time. You've never heard of someone sacrificing themselves like that to save their brother. You heard that it wasn't the first time they've almost killed themselves to save the other.

You weren't sure if it was what humans called love or pure stupidity.

Either way, you couldn't help but be more intrigued by these two brothers the more you were with them these past couple of days.

As you sat at the table, you closed your eyes and allowed yourself to think. Then you could practically feel another vision making its way into your mind.

Everything around you was pitch black. Then a reddish smog surrounded you and a door slowly appeared into the distance. You took a glance at your surroundings just to realize that you were alone. Sam and Dean weren’t there, neither was their little angel friend or his underlings. It was simply you standing in front of a red door. For some reason it was like the door was calling to you and you slowly started to walk toward it and you slowly opened it up.

When you did, you saw a hallway cluttered with bodies of humans, demons, angels and monsters. Their bodies had so many gashes, their heads were bludgeoned, some of their features were missing and the victims were all mutilated. The walls and floor were painted and splattered with shades of red and black with the mixed blood of these corpses. You couldn’t even tell if the floor you were standing on was carpet or wood with how much blood was all over the place. You could smell the iron mixed with the sulfur, it was nauseating, even for someone like you.

As you stood in awe, you heard footsteps. From around the corner there was a red almost smokey figure, faceless and formless yet somehow it was able to walk around on its own. It reached out in front of itself and its arm extended only for your eyes to widen as you realized it was coming after you. But before you could even think of running or fighting it off, it gripped you tightly and the walls surrounding you seemed to crash down. Even the door you entered through was reduced to rubble.

The scene was replaced with the familiar setting you were used to while you were growing up. It was the torture chamber your mother, Abaddon, assigned to you as a child when she was training you to become a ruthless killer. The figure stood at your table of tools and held up a special knife that could kill both demons and angels. Much like Ruby’s blade did.

Then the figure walked towards you with your weapon before motioning to the chains holding up a body. When you looked to see who it was, you could see that it was a version of yourself you didn’t quite recognize. It was a version of you without a mark from your father on her arm. This version had fear on their face, she was shedding tears.

“What has she done?” You asked the red figure.

It waved its hand and opened up was seemed to be some kind of vortex. You saw the things this alternate you had been through and it seemed to be some kind of reality where this ‘you’ was human, not a demon.

You could see that this version of you had also met Sam and Dean. Dean had the mark and you could see what he was going through. But this version of you was knowledgeable in how to maintain the pain of the mark. This version of you saw what happened when Dean wielded the first Blade, what happened when he tried to kill Metatron. He became something you didn’t recognize and the human version of you made a deal with a demon.

Eternal suffering for some sort of mistake you made but you couldn’t tell what the mistake was.

“She forgot who she was meant to be.” A feminine voice said. Then a figure stepped from behind the other version of you that was chained up.

Abaddon.

“You’re dead… the Winchester boy killed you.” You said starting to get on the defensive.

“So he did. It seems you’re having another vision. Similar to that one your father gave you.” The deceased Knight of Hell said and rolled her eyes.

“But you see this mess this human is in, don’t you? She became a little too curious about humanity. It started with more meaningful interactions with her little tattoo parlor customers, then it escalated to the curiosity of the two brothers.” Abaddon continued as she cupped the human version of yourself by her jaw.

"Because of that curiosity, she traded the immortality of a demon for a human life to experience humanity. She would rather walk amongst these worthless beings than be who she was bread for. She befriended the hunters and sacrificed everything and when Dean succumbed to his fate, she couldn't accept it and made a deal."

“She became pathetic. Useless. Weak. All because she wanted a taste of humanity.” She said and walked towards you, the red figure changed the view in the mirror to a version of you from your childhood.

"The deal was she would trade her life and be tortured for eternity in exchange to save Dean's life as a penance for trading her demonic ancestry for humanity. That was her consequence. Of course, I don't want this future for someone with such talents. I remember when you were so much younger, learning your trade." Abaddon continued and looked in the mirror.

This version of you could have only been ten years old. Your hair was in a ponytail, your body was covered in blood as you held a knife. The mark in your arm seemed to glow as you had just finished up your first Massacre in Virginia.

The conspiracy of the Lost Colony in Roanoke Island? That was no mysterious disappearance. It was an exam. Your first exam and you had passed with flying colors according to your mother.

You killed all of those people. You killed the men, women and children so effortlessly, heartlessly. It was a blood bath and Abaddon's demons cleaned up after you making it seem like the entire village simply disappeared.

“You must always remember what you were bred for. No matter what. With all of these human interactions, you must never forget what you are. You are nothing but a killer, Y/N. And once the Winchesters supposedly defeat Metatron, you take the blade back and you kill both of them. You resume your path and come out of hiding.”

You remember how good it felt when you held that blade for the first time after retrieving it from the ocean. It was a foolish decision to throw it back where your father had it. It felt so exhilarating to slaughter all of those demons with it.

"Or, you can kill Dean when the time is right. Your father is right, he was born to be a killer. Show him a taste of your world. Not only could you become Queen of Hell, but you would be the demon that finally killed a Winchester. Better than that, you would turn him into a demon like your father became."

"The Mistress of Murder should not hide in the shadows. You were made for more than hiding like your father…” you could hear your mother’s voice fade away.

The next thing you knew, you were awake again in the same interrogation room.

You couldn’t help but wonder what the hell that vision was about. A human version of yourself... Yes you were curious about the boys, but why would it end up being almost like torture if you never actually cared. You've only just met them. So what if anything happened to either of those boys? If they died because they did some stupid move, what were you supposed to do about it?

The only reason you were here was to get Dean to learn to keep his mark under control. Then you didn’t care what happened next. He was still human after all so there was room for error. If he suffered the same fate your father did, that was beyond your control. Maybe Sam would get in the way or maybe their angel friend would interfere causing a fatality. Who knew?

But there was a point made in the vision… you had every right to claim the blade as your own. Why shouldn’t you take it after these hunters get done with their angel on angel business? You knew how to use it better than they did.

But the matter of killing Dean... It had been so long since you've killed a human, but Dean couldn't be the choice. Your mother just wanted to be the Queen of Hell but she was dead now. Crowley was in charge, you had no interest in Hell. You honestly didn't find an interest in killing Dean specifically.

If you wanted to kill a human, you wanted it to be worth it. Something that would make that high last a little longer than just a few moments before the urge to kill would hit you again. Neither Winchester would fit that for you.

What got you the most was the fact that the other version of yourself preferred humanity. Then trading her life for Dean? Just because you were curious about human emotion didn't mean you would be stupid enough to actually go through with something like that.

You refused.

"You wounded her, Dean." You heard a voice bring you from your thoughts.

"What the hell?" You wondered as you stepped out of the room.

Dean found Tessa at a theatre and even saw the ambulance as his proof of her being there. A stupid idea to take an ambulance if you were trying to avoid standing out.

He waited behind a pillar and heard footsteps he hoped belonged to Tessa and when he turned around he saw her making her way up the stairs to the entrance.

"Hey there, Tessa." Dean s poke and the reaper turned around and looked at the hunter with confusion.

"You're supposed to be at the hospital tonight aren't ya? If you wanted to sneak out of work, I wouldn't have taken one of their ambulances. They have GPS after all." The hunter said.

"What are you doing here, Dean? Are just into musical theatre that much?" She asked, matching his sarcasm.

"Not unless it's Fiddler." He smirked and Tessa rolled her eyes

"We need to talk." Tessa shook her head.

"Can't. Kinda busy tonight. Got a date." She said and when she turned around, Dean grabbed her arm and her jacket slipped, revealing the carvings embedded in her skin. Dean's eyes darkened at the sight.

"I don't think so." Dean said and handcuffed the reaper. When Tessa tried to stop him, he pinned her against the side of the stairs.

"Where's the other one? Where's Constantine?" He asked and Tessa clearly wasn't willing to tell him anything.

Dean could tell she knew where he was and was refusing to say a word. He sighed before he dragged her off to the Impala so they could get back to Castiel's quarters.

Once they made it back, Dean got on the phone with Sam.

"You'll never guess who I ran into. Say hello to Sam, Tessa." Dean said all she could say to his brother was that Dean was a freak and Dean rolled his eyes as he walked into the building where there were a couple of angels talking with Hannah about something.

Dean hung up the phone and as he walked through the building he almost made it passed the angels before Hannah came towards them.

"Tessa? What are you doing?" Hannah asked and Dean looked at the reaper.

"You wanna tell her?" The reaper resumed to silence and Dean slipped her jacket to the side to reveal the Enochian symbol on her chest. Hannah couldn't believe.

"O-Oh my God..."

"There is no God. Only Castiel." This caused Dean to scoff.

"Yeah, and you're done." He said and escorted Tessa to the interrogation chambers.

He was determined to get to the bottom of this with any means necessary. But if only he knew what the angels were saying behind his back. But he could hear those footsteps behind him. He had every intention of ignoring them but he knew they wouldn't exactly make it easy.

"You wounded her, Dean." Hannah said

"All I did was mess up the carving to break the spell. Disarming her really." Dean said only for another angel to start to comment.

"And now what will you do? Torture? Kill her? So predictable now." the Angel asked. It was the same one he had just had his little interview with that told him about Tessa. She seemed like a bitch and he was so tired of people trying to question his logic and constantly undermine his techniques.

Another door opened and Dean saw you walk out, he assumed it was to see what was going on. He thought you were back in Cass's office.

"You need to understand that only one person can make those judgement calls. Yes what Tessa was planning to do was horrible but Castiel deserves to know what's going on. He's the one holding us all together so we can all go home." Hannah said, trying to persuade Dean not to torture the reaper just for interrogation purposes.

"We have rules and we want to live in peace rather than fight our way to every conclusion or hurt people just to get the answers we want or need to get." She continued. Before Dean knew it, he was being surrounded by angels and he didn't like the looks of this one bit.

Sure he could take them on. He was confident in that. But for the sake of making things easier on Cass, he went back to listening to what Hannah had to say that she felt was so vital to keep him from his task.

"You can do this without harming her. You should talk to her and I encourage it. But you need to leave the blade out here." Hannah spoke, referring to the angel blade she knew he was armed with.

Dean listened and he thought all of this was a waste of time. He looked at Hannah and asked, "Are you asking, or is that some kind of order?"

Then an angel beside her interrupted, "We aren't asking."

Dean looked at the angel that spoke when he wasn't asking him the question. A thought crossed his mind to use the angel blade in his hand and drive it through is neck. But of course if he wanted to get this little intervention over with, he knew he needed to comply even if it wasn't exactly sincere.

He handed the angel blade over to Hannah and walked into Tessa's interrogation room. Unfortunately for him, Hannah decided to tag along.

You watched the entire thing in the hall and you were amazed at the self restraint Dean seemed to have. But then again, just because you have the mark doesn't mean you lose your whit. There's a certain way for things to be done. Maybe he did have self control after all.

You glanced at Hannah who was looking into your direction. Maybe Castiel told her you were some kind of short leash for Dean's loss of control. A lie possibly but who knew what Castiel told the angels, you weren't there when he said it.

Either way, Hannah motioned for you to come into the room and you lifted a brow before following them to observe what exactly Dean would do to the reaper. Could reapers even die? They've been around longer than even Cain himself. Then again, only a reaper would know how to kill itself if they're the ones behind the suicide bombings.

"Let's start with something easy.. who do you work for?" You could hear Dean ask with his gruff, semi irritated voice. You couldn't blame him for being agitated after being surrounded by angels. He really didn't need a baby sitter.

"Castiel." Tessa answered only for Hannah to call her out as a liar. The reaper looked at the angel and glared.

"There are some things that creatures like you will never understand. Sacrifices must be made in war." She said.

"Oh so if humans get caught in the crossfire it doesn't matter? You go after one of the bad guys and if humans are in the way then it's just no big deal, right?" Dean asked as he clasped his hands together and leaned forward on the table. All you watched the reaper do was shake her head before it was her turn to speak.

"Not really. In the grand scheme of things, they really don't matter."

You listened carefully and thought about it. Reapers had always been a neutral sort of being. They were simply the harvesters of souls. They were the collectors of what was already dead. They were never chosen to actually kill like Tessa was. Death himself never did anything like this to your knowledge. You had never heard of a situation like this.

"When Castiel chose me, and told me it was because I was string. Others are too weak. They can't even stomach the idea of what I was chosen to do."

At this, you saw Hannah lunge over and Dean stood up and held her back before escorting her out of the room to talk her down a bit.

You couldn't hear what they were saying because you chose to stay in the room. You looked at Tessa who was staring at you.

"And I suppose Castiel recruited you too? Or are you here to interrogate me too and tell me what I'm doing is wrong?" She asked and you lifted a brow.

"From my understanding, I'm just here to serve as more of a... suppressant for something Dean's going through. The younger brother's idea more than the angel's.. from what I gather." You said, not really interested in going into detail.

"I see. It's not unlike the Winchesters to work with demons and angels alike." Tessa said and you hummed nonchalantly.

"You see what I'm saying though... anytime there's been a war between Heaven and hell, Demonic or Angelic Civil Wars, there are always human casualties. Look at all of the human vessels that have been taken from their families only to be killed when a hunter intends to kill a demon or angel rather than exorcising them." Tessa continued.

"Tess, Dear, I really don't care about what you have to say. Everything dies eventually. Demons, angels, monsters, humans, I suppose even reapers now, they all die in the end and all that's left are the ashes. You don't need to have me see your point. Dean and the angels are the ones that need convincing." You said before you heard the door opening up again.

Both you and Tessa turned and saw that Dean was the wone re-entering the room.

You sensed it was close. You thought Sam told Dean to leave it behind. What was he planning on doing to Tessa?

Dean was honestly surprised that you were still in there. But he wasn't really concerned with you right now as he looked back at Tessa.

"Y/N, can you leave us be for a second?" He asked. He watched you narrow your brows with skepticism but he knew you wouldn't've questioned anything right

"I'll be outside." You said before you stopped when you were beside him and said one last thing.

"Don't be stupid with that thing."

Then Dean watched you walk out of the door.

"Why don't we talk about us now that everyone's gone... I mean we have our own chemistry so that ought to make this at least a little easier." He began. But Tessa smiled.

"Sure. I remember when we first met at that hospital. You were dying." She said with a little grin.

"Yeah, good times... Listen. I like you for an angel, reaper, what have you. But you've got to be honest with me... Why are you really doing this?" He asked.

"Castiel." She said yet again.

"Oh please, forget Cass. I'm not asking about that this time. I mean you. You personally. Why are you doing this?" He continued to question while he stood in front of her.

"I mean why would somebody want to call it and make themselves some kind of bomb for a war they aren't even a part of? I know everyone has their low moments, trust me, I've been there. But I've never been low enough to pop my own top."

The reaper saw the slightest hint of sincerity in Dean's eyes. But a human like him could never understand why she agreed to do something like this.

"I.. I can't take the screaming.." She trailed off as she stood up and walked towards one of the corners.

"Screaming? Who's screaming?"

Tessa turned around and looked at Dean, "All of them. All of the souls that are trapped and can't get into Heaven now that it's been locked up. You don't understand how much confusion and pain they are going through. And I hear them constantly."

"I just want to help them, Dean. It's my job to help them cross into the veil. But I can't do that anymore. I can't help them and they're suffering, and there's not a thing I can do about it."

"Then when this offer came up.. it didn't seem so bad.. Death, nothingness. It seemed so quiet..."

Dean listened and she was right, he couldn't understand what she was going through. He couldn't imagine what something like that was like, "So why didn't you just use an angel blade on yourself?"

"I've thought about it... but when Castiel gave me a reason for this, it seemed like the best option."

When Castiel was mentioned again, it didn't make any sense. The Castiel he knew would never do something like this. It wasn't in his character. He wanted, needed to believe that his friend wouldn't go behind his back again. Not after the last time.

"See that's where you're wrong."

"Am I? Is it really that unbelievable that the Castiel you know would raise an army and lie to you about it? And trust me, Dean, I'm not the only one that's feeling this way, who's willing to sacrifice themselves just to hear the silence."

"Do you have any names?"

"If I'd tell you, it would ruin the fun of it all, now wouldn't it?"

Dean's jaw tensed for a moment before he shook his head, "No, that's not how this is going to work." He said as he pulled the First Blade from behind his back where he's stored it. "You see, the fun's just getting started."

Tessa's eyes widened when she saw what he was holding before she looked back up at him, "Dean, what have you done?"

"What I had to..."

"Welcome to the club..."

Dean felt Tessa suddenly grip onto his shoulder and pull him towards her. He could feel the blade begin to pierce her skin before she said one last thing to him.

"Thank you..."

Then she pushed herself further into the blade until her eyes and mouth started to glow with the bright white light. She let out a wail and Dean had to look away from the brightness. Then, Tessa's body dropped in front of him.

He found himself lost in the moment, in that trance as he looked down at the blade that was covered and dripping with the reaper's blood. That calm returned again and your words described it perfectly, it was the best high he could have even if it was the worst kind of poison.

You heard the wail and you turned around and saw a bright light coming through the window of the door. Hannah and some other angels came rushing in.

"Why weren't you watching him?" The angel in the doctor's coat asked while Hannah opened the door.

When all of you walked in, you saw Tessa's body on the ground but when you looked at Dean, you saw the blade in his hand. You could almost feel the relief he had been feeling, and yet you had your own sense of yearning to have that blade back within your grasp again. You couldn't deny it even if you wanted to.

"It's not what it looks like," Dean tried to explain.

Sam and Castiel finally made it back to the headquarters and when they did, Hannah told them everything and lead the two into the interrogation room.

There, Castiel and Sam saw Dean tied up to a chair with duck tape over his mouth as if he were some kind of prisoner. You were in the room watching him.

"You killed Tessa?" Castiel asked Dean, calmly yet clearly upset at this news.

"Not exactly. She knifed herself when she had the chance." Dean replied, although he knew that the chances of them believing him were slim to none especially since he was in the room alone with her.

"Oh yeah, Dean? And why would she do something like that?" Sam asked as he uncuffed his older brother.

"Sam, I don't know. She was talking all kinds of crap."

"Oh really, and that's why you decided to bring out the first blade and use it on her?"

Dean went silent for a moment.

"We had a deal, Dean! If you hadn't brought that stupid thing along, Tessa would still be alive and we wouldn't be in this mess! We could have gotten more answers out of her!"

"Oh and you think I wanted this to happen? I didn't think she would kill herself with the damned thing!"

"I don't know, did you want it to happen? I mean because it's like you can't be separated from that blade anyway!"

"Alright you two, enough." Castiel piped up and looked at you.

"Hannah said you were supposed to be watching him." He said and then they were interrupted.

"Um, Commander?" Hannah asked and all of you looked at the angel, "You have a call. It's from Metatron."

"Great..." Dean muttered and all of you went back to the main part where all the other angels were working.

Sam, Dean and Castiel walked over and saw Metatron on the screen looking as smug as ever.

"Castiel... I'm alive by the way. Your little bomber that you sent failed." Metatron said.

Sam and Dean both looked at Cass, then each other, then at Metatron again as they all listened to the two angels speaking to one another. Apparently the reaper Constantine went after Metatron and tried to kill him in the same way Tessa intended on blowing up the musical theatre.

Metatron was trying to say that he was doing what he had to do when Cass accused him of more deception and lies. He also revealed that more angels are leaning more towards his side rather than Team Trench Coat.

You were listening and crossing your arms just observing anything. You had no idea things were this bad and in a way it seemed oddly political amongst the angels. All they wanted was to go home right? But didn't he cause the fall?

"I'm offering this one time deal. Any of your angels can join me. No matter the treachery, no matter the sin, I will still take them in under the condition that I am their god, and they serve me." Metatron said.

How had you not encountered this guy sooner. Even looking at him made you want to end him. Now you could sort of understand why Dean wants to use the First Blade on him so badly.

Hannah naturally was trying to be a loyalist for Cass and ask why any of them would join Metatron.

"Look around you. You've already had a taste of Earth, the free will God gave the humans. Do you actually like it there? But you still need a leader. You joined Castiel the first chance you got which is surprising."

You were already getting tired of listening to Metatron's voice and you were thinking of the millions of different ways you could cause him the most pain.

After more trash talking and more of this Metatron guy revealing more of Castiel's flaws to the angels, things were getting tricky. You swore you saw something like this on the news with politicians or something of that nature. Metatron was saying so many things that would make the angels question the trench-coat wearing angel's morals. Then he finally hang up.

"He's a liar. We need to focus on the task at hand."

"Was he lying about the grace?" an angel said.

Castiel wasn't denying it, but he continued to say Metatron was lying about everything else. It was clear that the other angels were having trouble believing Castiel.

"We need proof that we can trust you." Hannah spoke calmly, recalling what an angel said of the way Dean held a knife to one of their angel's necks.

"Punish him." Hannah finally said, motioning to Dean, "He murdered Tessa. He broke our rules. He is out of control."

"Oh you all can go straight to Hell." Dean rolled his eyes and tried to walk off but then more of the angels took Dean and held both of his arms so he couldn't move and faced him towards Castiel.

"Hey wait a second-" Sam tried to intervene but then more of the angels did the same thing to the Sam.

You watched as some angels tried to walk towards you, "One hand on me and you won't have the choice of Castiel or Metatron. I'm not the one that killed anyone." You swore as your eyes changed to red.

"You gave us an order, Castiel, and we gave you our trust. Don't lose our trust over just one man. This is justice." Hannah said and handed Castiel the blade.

Castiel took the blade and looked down at it before lifting his gaze and he looked at Dean. Castiel could feel all eyes on him in that moment and he knew this choice was important.

All he wanted was to get his people back home. They were right about Dean, he is out of control, but that was why he told Sam to find you to try and help it from getting worse. He thought of everything that he had been through with the two brothers.

He remembered how he felt lying to them once before. He hated lying to them, even if his intentions were in the right place.

"No... I can't." Castiel finally said and lowered his blade.

Hannah looked hurt as she looked at the man she called Commander, "Goodbye Castiel..."

You watched as all of the angels in those headquarters left, leaving you behind with an angel and two humans.

You saw the sympathetic look on Sam's face when he realized Castiel saw everything, saw the look of rage with Dean when he realized how ridiculous all of this was just because Tessa died. There were so many emotions in the room and you didn't know how an angel or the two mortals would end up recovering. Then there was the matter of Dean bringing the First Blade.

You had the strong feeling that the next car ride you would be on would be both quiet and tense...

Once you made it to the bunker, Sam and Dean cast a spell that would make you immune to the demon wardings around the bunker so you specifically be able to enter.

"We still have to talk about this, Dean." Sam said.

"Here we go..." You muttered under your breath, preparing yourself for sibling drama and you looked at Castiel, "Does this sort of thing happen a lot?"

"The two fighting? More than it's preferred." Castiel said as both of you went to the library so the brothers could talk. But you could still hear them speaking and you could even get a look at them from where you were sitting.

"Dean, you know we have to talk about this..."

"About what? Yeah, Sam. I lied. But you've been nothing but an infant about this thing the whole damn time." Dean said, growing stern.

"Wow, Dean.. I know your apologies typically suck but this is the worst." Sam began just for dean to interrupt.

"You think I'm apologizing? No no, I'm not apologizing. I'm telling you how this is gonna be whether you like it or not."

"I am the only one who can wield this thing, and you know that. I am the one that has to kill Metatron and from this point on, so I'm the one calling the shots. And until I jam that blade in that douchebag's heart, we are not a team. From now on this will be a dictatorship." He said.

From what you could see, that was the last thing that Dean said and you watched Dean coming into the room to talk to Sam.

Dean looked at you and all he could think of for a split second was that conversation. You were warning him to think of the people he would be willing to lose. He knew Sam wasn't going to like the way things were from now on, but this is just how things had to be. And he hoped he wouldn't lose his brother over this in the end.

You maintained the eye contact before you stood up and walked past him so he could be alone with Castiel.

You found Sam setting his stuff down for the time being in the kitchen and you cleared your throat a little. Sam looked up at you and he straightened up.

"Sorry you had to hear that..." Sam said and you shook your head.

"Don't worry about it. I don't have any siblings but I assume it's only natural for them to fight once in a while." You shrugged and you looked up at the taller hunter.

"Can I ask you something?" You began and Sam nodded, "Why did you go on a whim to find me? If Castiel thought I was a rumor, why would you go after me if it's was a wild goose chase?"

Sam sighed and he looked down.

"For Dean..." He trailed off.

"He's all I've got and... and it kills me to to see what he's becoming and he doesn't even realize it. I want my brother back. He wasn't always like this." He continued and you tilted your head.

"What was he like before the mark?" You asked.

"Well, I mean he's always had that anger in him. Both of us had been hunting out entire lives, we've lost so many people and a part of Dean's anger comes from the fact that we've lost so many people." Sam began describing his brother.

"But beyond that, he always tried his best to do the right thing, even if it wasn't the right way. He would at least listen to reason if something was being done the wrong way. He's always had a sense of humor about him. Sarcastic as hell. When we were younger we would even play harmless pranks on each other once in a while to break up the monotony of the dreariness hunting brings. He really does have a big heart, or at least he used to."

"He was someone I was able to look up to, whether he knows it or not. We may not always see eye to eye and we may have wanted different things but... Dean had always been there for me. When I was a kid and our dad finally let me start to hunt, Dean was always there to mend my scratches. He'd always tell me as a kid how important it was to never lose hope, to never give up even when things are at it's darkest. So that's why I can't lose hope on Dean. I know the big brother I used to know is still there somewhere. The mark is just burying it deep down with anger and whatever makes him want to kill everything he comes across."

You listened and you could hear in his voice how much Sam seemed to admire the brother he used to know. These two brothers only grew more and more interesting to you and you wondered if that was why Castiel hung around them. Even chose them over his own people.

"Y/N... I think it would be best if you could hold onto the blade for a while... After all, you know about its effects and maybe once Dean has a better hold of everything, maybe you could give it back to him then so he can kill Metatron. Maybe sneak it away from Dean somehow and hide it somewhere. We still don't have leads on Metatron but we can't afford him using it on a whim like he did today."

One of your brows arched upward. You hadn't expected for Sam to outright tell you to take the blade back. You've thought about taking it anyway, but even that could be a dangerous thing.

While you guys were talking, there was some sort of alarm going off in your mind, you sensed a different presence and didn't think you four were the only one here and you thought you heard some kind of door open.

You and Sam rushed back to meet the others but there stood an angel you didn't recognize. Not that you knew very many to begin with.

Dean saw Gadreel and he was already on the verge of seeing nothing but red. He was the man that killed Kevin. He possessed Sam for the longest time. Now was the worst time for him to come waltzing into the bunker.

"I mean no harm." Gadreel began.

"I've thought about what you said, and you're right." He continued but it was clear that everyone in the bunker was on their guard.

"Metatron is.. Something must be done. I can give him to you, I know where he is." He said

"The bombers? Those were his agents, not yours." He said as he looked at Castiel. "I understand if you don't trust me, and I understand. But we have all made mistakes. I know I have made many. But please, give me a chance."

Dean was still so unsure about this and he honestly wasn't sure if they should take this chance. If Gadreel thought about double crossing them then...

Well, Dean walked over and offered Gadreel his hand to shake. But instead of this handshake being one that stood for an alliance, Dean pulled the First Blade from behind his back again and slashed Gadreel in the chest.

Your eyes widened when you saw Sam and Dean holding Dean back and you could tell that Dean was so far from done when it came to this specific angel.

Castiel resorted to placing two fingers on Dean's temple and making him fall asleep for a moment while they tend to Gadreel.

You were finding out quickly that these boys couldn't stay out of trouble for long....

You looked at Sam for a moment and you could now see why he was concerned.

"I don't think taking the blade from Dean will be easy. Or even if it's a good idea at this point..." You said.

Thank you so much for reading!!! Part 6 is already in production and I'm hoping to get it out as soon as possible within the next few days! From the bottom of my heart I thank you guys so much for reblogging and liking the posts for this story.❤️

I want to give a special thanks to @roseblue373 and @deans-spinster-witch for the feedback in practically every chapter so far, it really means a lot and it truly puts a smile on my face when I see your usernames in my notifications. So thank you so incredibly much! 💕💖

Tag List:

@roseblue373 @deans-spinster-witch @johannelis2302nely @justtrying2getby-blog @alternativeprincess94 @doctorlexilouwhosblog

[snailsandpuppy-dogtails]

I Do, Do You?

A Criminal Minds/ Married At First Sight AU Strangers, Penelope Garcia and Luke Alvez are matched on the arranged marriage reality show, Married At First Sight. ~3,500 words, on AO3 Chapter 1 The Interview

“So, Mr. Alvez. Luke,” the production assistant interviewing him says with a little too much familiarity for his liking, “tell us; why have you signed up for this? I mean, surely a good looking, healthy, man like yourself doesn’t have a problem meeting women.”

She leans in placing her hand just above his knee. Luke isn’t sure if this is some kind of test for the last part of the selection process or if she’s actually hitting on him while interviewing him in the final stages where he’ll be matched with the (hopefully) love of his life. Either way he finds it crass and uncomfortable, he’s here for a reason and he’s given zero indication he’d welcome such a touch. He’s also nervous. Nervous because he knows how this looks, how it will look. A guy like himself single and hitting his mid 40s? He wasn’t old, but he was getting there. When people his age are single there’s a reason, and usually it’s not a good one. His wasn’t terribly great either, but it wasn’t the worst.

He responds, painting on one of his bright, winning smiles as he removes her hand, and sits up straighter, lacing his fingers in his lap. A sound comes out that’s like a laugh dying in his throat, then he answers, “Thank you, but, I do. Ah. People have a way of romanticizing things that are often hard on a person…maybe to distract themselves from the reality of it. The life of a soldier, office workers working overtime everyday, long-haul trucking - solitary lifestyles… My jobs have been very time consuming and isolating, and for a long time I romanticized that life. I let them take the place of real connection in most instances, when people didn’t fit in those areas, I let them go…I didn’t try to find a balance. But I’m trying to get better at it. For the last three years I’ve been able to call a place home, it’s the longest stretch of time I’ve been in one city. For most of my adult life I’ve devoted myself to causes I felt were important, but in doing that I sacrificed really fully being in a loving, committed relationship. That is definitely an area I could improve in.” Unbothered by the rejection, she goes on, “You mentioned that your job has been a factor in finding love. Is that still a concern, or do you feel you can dedicate the time needed to form a deep relationship in our eight-week time-frame?”

Luke takes a minute, his eyes close, the tip of his tongue swiping at the seam of his lips, taking to heart the question, considering it. “I won’t lie, it could still be an issue. My job doesn’t have set hours or weekends off, I can be gone for undetermined lengths- but I’m willing to devote time to work-arounds, I’m willing to make things work for the right person.”

“And do you think that’s a fair thing to ask of a stranger?”

“Honestly? No. But I think the right person would understand, and in time, can help me learn to strike that balance.” He’s sure they’ll drop him now.

—-----

“Ms. Garcia, tell us why you signed up for Married at First Sight.”

“Don’t let this exterior fool you- I date. A lot. Love to go out; drinks, karaoke, the whole nine- zero problems finding some Mr. Mr. to join me out on the town. The problem is,” her face scrunches, “and this is gonna sound like, well duh, that’s everyone’s problem, but I’m kind of crap at picking guys. I had a lot of toxic relationships early on after my parents died, control freaks, stalkers, clingers… this one guy I went out with even tried to kill me…shot me after saying goodnight…”

Penelope quiets, frowning before sniffing and looking back up blinking rapidly, cheering. “But he was something else entirely. Now Sam, Sam was good. Sam was sweet. We just don’t work on that level, you know? It was good and all, but there wasn’t that…spark. It wasn’t romantic love if we were really looking at it and… I want romantic love. I can’t trust myself to pick it, so I’m hoping this matching process can. Well, that, and my best friend Derek got married to this gorgeous doctor and I can’t have him trying to set me up on pity dates when we go out to dinner any more. -Oh! But don’t tell Derek I said that! He won’t see this, right? You don’t show these parts?”

The assistant ignores the question and moves on, “We heard you’ve been proposed to before, but turned him down. Mind telling us what happened there?”

She’d been concerned about being upfront with that detail of her past when filling out the form. She went back and forth clicking ‘yes’ and ‘no’ alternately until eventually deciding on just being truthful. They wouldn’t have included it as an option if they were automatically going to exclude her because she’d turned down the proposal, right? If she lied and then someone mentioned it while she was being filmed, production would have a field day. No, it was better to be honest about it.

Except now here they were asking about it.

Dang it.

“I wasn’t at the right place and he wasn’t the right person.” She says it simply, with so much nonchalance even she feels it’s entirely true.

The interviewer, apparently, however, has met this casual indifference before. They look up at her from over their glasses, “But you’re in the right place now?” they ask with some skepticism. Penelope grins wide, Tulip-pink lips stretching “I know I am. The only question is if you can find me the person worth marrying.”

—-Telling Family and Friends—-

~For traditional couples, informing friends and family of upcoming nuptials is a time of celebration, happiness, excitement, and shared joy. For our couples, however, this can be stressful. Situations may need to be handled with care, families aren’t expecting this major life change for their loved one. Brides and grooms can be met with hostility, suspicion, bargaining, hurt feelings, and dismissiveness at choosing an unconventional path to finding love.~

As her family lives out of town, Ms. Garcia has chosen to inform them of the big news over Zoom.

“Carlos! Gideon!” Penelope greets excitedly over her computer as their images bob and freeze.

“We’re here, Penelope, is everything ok?” an older man with thinning, dark hair asks in mild concern, “The only time you set these things up is on holidays and it isn’t a holiday that I’m aware of.”

“Everything’s fine. Great in fact…Actually…” she grins at their images on her screen. Gideon and Carlos will support her, she knows. They may not understand it at first, Carlos has strong convictions, but Gideon always tries to see where each of them is coming from and help the other understand. He’d come around. “I kind of have some big news…" she continues, figuring she should just rip off the bandaid, "I’m getting married!”

The faces peering back at her are understandably confused. After a moment of silence, each working things out on their own, Carlos is the first to respond, “...Morgan’s leaving his wife?”

It was a jumble of words then as all three talked over the other, “What?! No! It’s not Derek,-” Gideon frowning and shaking his head chuckling, “And ditch that doctor? Not a chance. Penelope, what do you mean? You’re not-”  “it’s…well even I don’t know who it is yet! I was kind of selected through this matching thing and they have these experts and well, it’s-”

Excited dawning sparks on her brother’s face as he shouts over both of them, “IT’S THAT SHOW!”

“Wha- Yeah. It is. I’m going to be on ‘Married at First Sight’...So are you guys…are you upset?” Neither sounded mad, they didn’t look mad, but who knew? Give either time to think and it’s possible they ended up that way, frustrated at her impulsiveness, what they saw as reckless behavior.

Gideon took the lead, Carlos feeling thrown off, but excited, hesitantly happy for his sister. “Peanut, you’re old enough to make your own decisions. Hell, you’ve been doing it since before you were old enough…Though I don’t know that I agree with your choice to have your private life splashed all over every tv and computer around the world with as deep and quick as things spread, I trust you know what you’re doing. If you think this is the best way for you to find happiness, that’s all your mom and dad ever wanted. It’s all we want for you, too. And, it’s not Kevin.”

“I’m just surprised at your restraint,” Carlos jumped in teasing, “you’re tellin’ us you haven’t hacked their systems, found who they matched you with, and searched him down to the very first time he even touched a computer?”

“I would never!”

“Ahh, someone recognized you.”

“They did not!-”

“Who was it, huh? Some tech nerd for sure. Hey! If things don't work out with whoever they set you up with maybe go for him, yeah?”

“Shut up! Fine.” She huffed, “It was a mic guy. He told production and they put it in my contract that if they found out I did that, they’d replace me. And I reeally wanna do this! I guess it’s kind of fun not knowing…you know, if the anxiety of it doesn’t kill me before the wedding day.”

~~

She hadn’t gotten anxious when telling Carlos and Gideon, JJ and Derek on the other hand were a different story. JJ wouldn’t say much, she didn’t often judge, but Derek, Derek was fiercely protective and very vocal when he felt she was making a mistake.

She didn’t think it was a mistake, but she could already feel those brooding eyebrows’ and careless tongue’s lashing sting, building up the wall of resistance to let her news be known.

Looking at her friend’s curious faces on the other side of the coffee table, she wished she could dive into the crashing waves of the magazine  cover between them Mary Poppins style.

She’d invited them over for brunch, just the three of them, meaning to casually drop the news while whipping up Belgian waffle batter. But fruit had been sliced, waffles cooked, doused, and consumed, and glasses drained of mimosa nectar all while tension built and she danced around the big reveal.

JJ and Derek speculated while Penelope busily cleared plates and cleaned up, insisting she didn’t need the help. Was she moving? Was she in trouble? Had she happened upon some government documents again while messing around online and bored? Did she adopt them each a pack of dogs?

Finally, with nothing left to distract her or use as an excuse, she was sitting pinned to the cushion in front of them.

“So…?” JJ prompted.They both were leaning forward, elbows on knees. Penelope dropped her eyes to the rug, playing with the hem of her skirt. If she didn’t have to look them in the eye it wouldn’t be so bad.

Derek sat back, exasperated. “Baby girl, we know something’s up, just tell us! If you need it, we can help-”

Her eyes shot to his across from her, “It’s not like that, I want to, really, I do! But, I’m worried…I’m worried you’ll be mad. You have to promise you won’t get mad- it’s nothing bad, I swear!” Her eyes bounced from Derek to JJ and back again. “It’s just, you might think I haven’t thought things through, or I'm being impulsive, or maybe I'm doing it as a reaction to what happened before, but I’m not and I have and I really believe it could be a good thing.”

Telling friends shouldn’t be more stressful than telling family, telling either exciting news shouldn’t be stressful at all. She thought about her mystery husband (as she’d taken up privately calling him) then; was he having as much trouble telling his family? Were they accepting? Were they close? Did he have a good relationship with them? Did he even have family? Siblings, parents, cousins, grandparents… Did he have lots of shallow friendships or few but deep ones? Would his friends go to the ends of the earth to protect him…like hers had?

“Ok, now you really have me lost…Pen, what is it?”

Penelope looked up, as ready as she’d ever be, “Jayge, you have Will and that’s awesome! And Derek, you have Savannah, and- and that’s wonderful and you’re both so happy and your little families are so cute and I’m so not wanting kids- but I do want that happiness, and it’s hard sometimes being around you both when I don’t have someone. And we know how well my gut’s been at choosing-“

“Hey-” Derek started, “You can’t blame yourself for that, there’s no way you could predict some piece of shit  would shoot you.”

“No, but you were right…Some random guy at a- never mind. That’s not my announcement. Anyway.” Her busy hands swept the veering track away, dropped to her lap, then flew into the air as a massive smile spread across her face, “I’m getting married!”

Derek’s face contorted grossly, “Don’t tell me you went back to Kevin-”

JJ’s grew incredulous and disgusted, “Oh my god, Penelope, no! He wants you to live on a farm!”

Ah, yes, this. This is the judgment and presumption, this was the reason she had been so apprehensive about telling them, well that and her impulsiveness. No matter, it wasn’t what they thought and that would definitely be worse than what it is…

“It’s not Kevin. Well. Actually, I guess it could be, but the odds are incredibly low that it would be? The truth is I don’t know who the groom is because well, I signed up for a show, and I was selected, so some professionals have chosen a husband for me, it’s all very scientific- and we get to meet him together on the day of my wedding” she paused in her nerves, trying to read the emotions of her closest friends from their body language.

“…That is, if you’ll both agree to be there with me? Please. I need you there. I’m already getting nervous. My feet are itching and my palms are sweating just telling the two of you about it.”

JJ was stunned, Derek, predictively, looked less than thrilled. His arms crossed tight against his chest and a jet eyebrow arched sky high. “You tell Gideon and Carlos yet?”

“Not that it has anything to do with me telling the two of you, but yes Mr. Nosy, I told my family.”

“And?”

“And what?! They’re happy for me, Derek! Carlos is flying out here from California and Gideon is driving down from his cabin in a few days so we can have dinner as a family before the ceremony...”

JJ leaned forward, hand grasping Penelope’s, smiling, “That sounds great, Pen,” then looking pointedly at Derek, “of course we’ll be there, we wouldn’t miss it for the world. You, me, and Savannah can go suit shopping for the boys.”

Derek rolled his eyes but relaxed into the chair, “Yeah mama, of course we’ll be there, just name the date, since you can’t name the groom.”

-For security reasons film crew were not permitted onto the office grounds of Participant Luke Alvez.-

He’s shocked he was selected, he figured with his history of emotional and physical unavailability along with the restrictions around filming him, they simply would have gone with an easier candidate, but he’s hopeful and excited nonetheless. With background checks and interviews behind him, all that was left was checking in with work and telling his mom and Isabella.

“Hey, ah. Emily, can we talk in your office? I have something to run by you…” Luke asks as he catches her walking into the bullpen.He’s approaching with coffee, she can’t help but notice he seems off, almost on edge. “Of course, everything alright?” she asks as they make their way up the stairs and across the catwalk.

Entering her office, she perches on the edge of her desk and gestures to the open door, “Should we…?” If he was disguising his emotions this poorly, asking to talk in private, and attempting to soften her with caffeine it must be pretty important, and Luke tended to be private regardless.He was half way to sitting, but stood up wiping a hand on his jeans, “Uh, yeah. Yeah, maybe.” he said, reaching over to close it, feeling the latch catch before letting go.

“Look, before I say anything, what I’m asking, I’m asking Unit Chief Prentiss, not Friend Emily. I know you’re going to want to mock this, but please before you do that, try to address it from the perspective of the Bureau first, then you can say whatever you want.”

Putting on her best Ambassador voice and face, she responds haughtily, “I resent that you feel I would be anything other than strictly professional in this building…” her lips twist into a smile, “but knowing you think I’ll think it’s stupid makes me feel better.”

Luke shakes his head as if to say “You couldn’t wait” but goes on. “A few months ago, as you know, I took some time off to visit family. Being around my mother and my sister, talking about Papi and my abuelo, hanging out with my nephews, they got to talking about me and naturally there was the whole ‘why aren’t you married, you’re breaking my heart, your father would be crushed the family name is dying, yadda yadda.” He looks up at Emily, poorly disguising her knowing smile with the rim of her cup.

“I didn’t know we shared a mother.”

Luke laughs, rolling his eyes, “Ok, well. I didn’t think it bothered me, but I guess it did, because I couldn’t stop thinking about it. Not from a guilt perspective, but I just started thinking they were right. Not about the family name, but what am I doing? Am I going to wake up 10, 20 years from now in some motel the bureau’s put me up in and realize that’s all my life has been? That all my life’s amounted to is having put a few dozen murderers behind bars?”

“Hey, that’s no small feat-”

“Yeah, but you of all people know how isolating this job can be, how lonely, how hard it is to find someone willing to stick it out with our schedule… and how easy it is to let it eclipse everything. So when my sister called a few weeks later talking about this show, saying applications were open, making jokes about how it would be the only way I’d ever ‘lock down a wife’ I told her go for it, sign me up. And after assuring her I was serious, she did. I guess they liked what she wrote because they picked me, and matched me with someone...”

Luke took a deep breath, “So, my question is…am I allowed to do this? Not, can I take time off again, but logistically as a Federal Agent, will I be fired if I go through with this? Would I need to use a fake name or take a leave of absence?”

“Oooh,” she sucked her teeth, “Yeah. That might be a little more complicated. I know we make appearances on tv from time to time on certain cases; informing the public, addressing unsubs, but the Bureau is not going to like this. A reality show? Luke, the optics if it goes poorly... Look, I’m not telling you you can’t do it. If you think it’s worth it, I can check, but I’m confident there isn’t a rule against it. Maybe just don’t say on camera what you do for work. We don’t need any of that kind of blowback, especially in this political climate.”

Luke sat back, shoulders hiking down, relief taking over as worry left his body. He didn’t realize just how stressed he’d been over the whole situation. “Thanks, Emily.”

She beamed an evil, toothy grin back, “Don’t thank me yet, you still have to tell the team, and lucky you, I was just about to gather everyone…”

~~

Breaking the news to his mother had gone about as well as he’d thought. She was overjoyed he was finally getting married, settling down, and starting a family (or so she imagined), but appalled and borderline scandalized at the spectacle a reality show would be and the fact that no one knew the girl or her family.

“If you insist on going through with this can’t you persuade one of your computer friends at work to check up on her, mijo?” had been bargained down from “I don’t understand why you refuse to meet up with any of the nice girls I know from the neighborhood and church. I can find you a good girl with good family at the church. Doloris’s daughter-”

“No mother, that would be a violation, not to mention a misuse of government resources and personnel…and,” he shrugged though he was on the phone alone in his apartment, “I kind of like not knowing…the anticipation. It’s exciting.”

“You’re an idiot” were her last words on the matter, everything else after had been communicated through his sister. But she was coming, and it wasn’t to hold a protest.

[why-animals-do-the-thing]

I was looking into my local zoo and they say they're zaa accredited, that's not the same thing as aza, right? I was curious if zaa was reputable and whether an accreditation from them really means anything

I think a better question, unfortunately, is "does any accreditation mean anything?" Followed closely by "how can a member of the public tell what it means?"

AKA you've poked to one of my giant projects of indeterminate length that I might, hopefully, maybe, get enough of a conclusion on to start submitting for peer review and publication this year.

Now if you've been following the blog for a while, you're probably thinking wait! Accreditations require standards! So to know what an accreditation means, we could just go read what standards they hold facilities to, right?

...and the answer is yes, but, that won't give you the whole picture for a lot of reasons. Many standards are performance standards: they say what has to be achieved, but don't specify how it's done. That means whether the standard is met is up to a significant amount of interpretation. Maybe the standards are in flux/being updated, and you can't guarantee that what you can find publicly is what's currently being used. Most accrediting bodies allow facilities to petition for variances, and there's no information available about what facilities have ones, for what, and why. On top of that, there's always questions about enforcement, oversight, consistency, anonymous reporting options, and of course, the risk of nepotism and/or politics impacting how accrediting decisions are made.

Here's the thing that never gets talked about, but is really important to know: accreditation is branding. Accreditation groups are trade organizations - they are responsible for advocating for the success of the businesses that are members. Being part of specific "accreditations" is like being in a fancy club. Members get certain perks, non-members don't get those perks, there's in-groups and out-groups, except it's all playing out with regards to federal and state level regulation, legislation, government funding, etc. That's why it's so political - it isn't only about guaranteeing a facility's quality. It's about guaranteeing that they're good enough to be part of the club, and will function and act the way the people who run the club want.

So honestly, at this point? All I can confidently say at this point in time is that accreditation by any entity in the zoological or sanctuary world means that X facility aligns with the ethos/zeitgeist of the accrediting body such that they're willing to stake their brand to it. You can read up on accrediting body to get a sense of what that means - if you do, make sure you look at things like the website and comments they make to the media, because there's a lot of information about organization culture and ethos in that than in just the published standards.

Give me like, six months (I hope) and I'd be able to answer your question with a lot more specifics, but I'm still in the nitty-gritty of spreadsheets and I don't want to speak before my analysis is finished.

[tarotwithdanise]

Your future children with them.

꒰⠀from left to right ; intuitively choose the pile your mind, heart and soul desire for. if you are having trouble choosing the right pile for you, here’s some tips you can do ; (1) take a deep breath (2) close your eyes (3) ask guidance from your guides (4) finally open your eyes and you can choose the right pile for you by the guidance you ask from your guides. if you are still having trouble by choosing the right pile for you let me know because i am willing to help and guide you.

Pile one

I see you making a big family with them. 3-6 kids, but mostly for most of you is SIX. The kids will be seen grow with so much love and from a family with a great amount of stable money. I see you and FS are working hard to provide this kind of life for all of your children. Let's dig deeper into their energies. The first child is the one who succeeds in life the most; this child can be strict, protective and serious among their siblings. They will mostly help their siblings with finances and schools. The second one is a type of person who loves their family so much, especially their parents. I mean, they all love you, but this child's love is greater than their siblings love. The third one is the one that get often jealous with others but they'll be cheerful and polite but sometimes they can be more rebellious among your children and someone whose frequently goes out with their friends all the time. They feel very detached. People gonna find them physically attractive. It just makes me sad that their feelings are so down when they are at home because they don't feel loved by their own family, they feel they're the black sheep. They will mostly find their luck communicating and socializing with people. The fourth one, is the type of a kid who is very talkative. This is soOo random but there are many rumors happening here for this child. First, they are type of person who has these questions in their mind and asks them often is looking for answers. This child may pursue or planning to be psychiatrist or a psychologist or in general in the field of medical, if they really wanted to, if they pursues they will succeed. Oh, I think the younger ones among your children could be twins; those two were gonna be the luckiest. But I don't see them being so spoiled enough; they grow up to be modest people who can be influenced by their older siblings. Maybe with a little bit of pressure? They think that their family expects a lot from them to succeed in life especially their older siblings.

An advice for you, love all your children equally and equity. Always try to understand them like how you quarrent wanted your own parents to understand you in every situation you wanted to explain to them.

extra messages 🌱

medical field, financial success, happiness, white, green, levi, arkangel (might be one of their names), anxiety, imperfect, supportive parents, love, success to their career, stethoscope, wealth, luck, gadgets, books, pretty smiles, orange, medium length hair, earth signs ( capricorn, virgo, taurus ) air signs ( gemini, libra, aquarius ) fire signs ( sagittarius, leo, aries ), little girl, butterfly, black cat, family, sink, anger issues, dots, birds, calendar, guest, S, P, 3 , 8, 9, 5 & 8.

Pile two

So in the second pile, i'm only getting one, a masculine energy child. You guys might have a child in your younger years, like not more than twenty-five i guess? which is what I'm getting outta here. You can possibly end up with someone in your circle, or you can meet through your social interactions and communities. This child will be like a good friend to you. When you have this child, you may find hard to find a job. But don't worry, even though it's hard for you, this child will cheer you up with their dosage of serotonin. Ahh, I'm hearing here that if you won't get accepted on any job you applied for, you would like to have a business. And telling you now that whatever business is this, it's going to be popular to people. You may have a problem with your partner in your early years of having relationship with them due to lack of trust but will solve it afterwards maybe because of cheating issues or doubtful feelings. Since you are young and naive, you may get fooled by this person who has light hair so be careful guys when it comes meeting someone's new, it can cause a scam i think. You can be a single parent and might meet someone else new or this child may grew up with a presence of one of their parents. This child, even though they don't have parental guidance all the time, they still somewhat happy and proud to have you in their life. You might be an achiever in school or this child may. Otherwise, they're proud of you because no matter how busy you are with what you're doing, you are making sure to atleast have a great amount of time to take care of them. Many struggles and obstacles may come, but you will overcoming all of them. Overall, your relationship with this child is parental-friendship.

An advice for you, be careful when it comes choosing a partner, don't be too naive and don't get your feelings take over your head. Make it balance, remember you have choices when it comes making a partner but your children cannot have that ability to choice.

extra messages 🌱

achiever, earth signs (capricorn, virgo, taurus) , care, single parent, financially unstable, heartache, cheating, small unit, success in business, happy child, light hair, party, twins, school, big chandelier, near at the sea, bright, gossiping neighbor hood, I, S, X, lazy, black, green, love, hello, clean, neat, piercings, jackets, olive skin, bald, long hair, woman, blue eyes, water signs (cancer, scorpio , pisces) 10, 111, 101, 555, 7, winter, moles, dimple, october and february.

Pile 3

I'm guessing you'll have between two and five children. Mostly, I'm getting two energies here. They can be all female, or you guys will have more feminine children than masculine ones. I see the older one here is lucky when it comes to social interactions, this person will find their luck to people yet will be outgoing and flirtatious. The second and younger one here will be kind and loving. The older one will have this trait of being people-pleasers and somewhat rebellious among your children, this one is more likely to have a large circle of friends because they thrive on friendship; this will be known as the toughest to pin down ". While the younger one will be fun-loving, this one is likely to have these eyeglasses because they enjoy studying and reading books too much, so maybe in an early age they may wear one. This child like competition, LOL. They are also likely to develop their own ways of winning attention. They are both likely to experience anxiety and depression, but they can overcome that. Of you notice changes on their actions and habits don't hesitate to reach out and check them out if they were okay. You will teach these children to understand that you need to work hard to achieve something and also appreciate small wins for their own improvement. These two will treat each other not only as siblings as well being as best buddies and support each other. Hmmm, what else? Let me see here, the feminine energy here is totally stronger than the masculine. They're also helpful people; maybe one of these children of yours will be working as a singer, model, or actress or actor. In school, both of them will be popular.

An advice for you, be cautious when it comes having a super care or clingy relationship for your children because sometimes they may hurt your feelings. It's okay to be gentle but let your kids know that you are their parents ALWAYS. Sometimes too much care makes a child think you are holding them on their neck.

extra messages 🌱

J, T G, U ,W ,P , hospital, small, hazel eyes color, light color of hair, cooking, kisses, love, city , helping supportive, phoebe, concert, funny, old, living room, fight, feminine, pink, red, girls giggling, 6, 9, 3, 5 , september, ballet, shoes, tiktok, depress, vase, perfectionist, popular, beautiful, long wavy hair, moles, glasses, angel by leona lewis, long nails, beautiful hands, amelia, wayne, elijah, jordan, idiot, lock, bestfriend, blessings & sadness.

Pile 4

Right off the bat, last pile. You will have at least three children. Someone here wanted or was planning to have this number of kids. So maybe you and your spouse might do family planning first. First, I'm getting someone here who's having asthma or a case of hard breathing because of chest gripping. I don't know; it's either one of them or you. The first child will be a boy or have this masculine energy within them; this is the type of older sibling who guides their other younger siblings. I'm getting a scenario here where two children are arguing, and this will be the one who restrains them and stands between them. Lol, so cute. They might also like the color red. The middle one will be the funniest one among all of them and may get into trouble when imma talk about relationships and marriage. This kid will be taller and more likely to become a petite in appearance, and I'm getting the impression that they don't care about on their school and grades. This child is a fond of the center of attention and attraction and do not care what other people think about them, such a very silly kid. Also, they like to tease people, haha. Most of people felt irritated to see this kid and percieve this child as not ashamed of what they are doing. The younger one will be a curious and confused type of sibling, but respectful too. They might have anger issues too. I see them as someone has a mole on their hands, but I don't know where.

An advice for you, when there is fight between ur children be in between and not be a bias. Knowing their both pov will be a big help to solve the conflict.

extra messages 🌱

blooming, japan, weak, inesecure, accecories, makeup, shiny hair, light to dark hair, taller, player, famous in school, red, naive, king, nurturing, heart, field trip, bus, sleep, black, under a tree, farm, picnic, someone who live near of sea, garden, flowers, laughing, tarot, happy family, cinema, inhaler, D, Z , Y, P, V, I , mischievous kisses, Ava, Liam, Naoki, 13, 6, 1007, Libra & Scorpio.

© tarotwithdanise ── all rights reserved. do not copy, translate, alter, or repost my work with or without my explicit permission.

[gale-gentlepenguin]

Gale's Thoughts: Derision

So the new Episode dropped a bombshell. It revealed just how much Marinette's past impacted her.

And before I write out everything

I will be talking the Good and the Bad

Spoilers obviously

So to make this as simple as possible.

Chloé bullied Marinette for years. While most of the school students were terrified of Chloé. Even the teachers and Principal were afraid to do ANYTHING regarding Chloé. Considering how much influence her father as Mayor had.

Socqueline was like an older protective sister to Marinette. During this time, Marinette developed a crush on Kim, his Himbo butt. Chloé found out about that and used it as an opportunity. Using Kim's inability to tell when something is too far, goes along with Chloé's idea for a prank.

This results in Marinette thinking Kim was serious about a relationship only to be offered a box full of bugs and causing her to fall into a pool as Chloé mocked her. Thus explaining Marinette's MASSIVE trauma on trust and why she plans out everything, why she distrusts any friend of Chloé and why she must know everything about someone before she can let herself confess.

Now this is sort of crucial as it explains why Marinette is how she is. As well as why even though things are going great with Adrien she cant fully embrace it.

Lets start with

THE GOOD:

This allows us to explain a lot of Marinette's insecurity and mistrust. Marinette wanting to NEVER let herself be caught off guard also explains why she is so gunho about planning everything. It also give support on why she was so HARSH to Adrien in Origins. He embodies nearly everything she swore to be against falling for. Mysterious boy, Friend of Chloé, and hiding things. Adrien was Marinette's antithesis as a person to fall for... YET SHE DOES ANYWAY. Showing how good of a person Adrien is, and how Marinette's heart can feel that truth within her. It also explains why Marinette was so obsessive in learning EVERY single thing she could about adrien. It wasnt because she was obsessive or hyperfocusing, she was so traumatized from the pool incident she never wants to be caught in such a position again.

This also goes to show how Socqueline was more of an impactful person to Marinette. But does make me question why she would not even be MENTIONED in season 1 (aside from the obvious that this was tacked on this season). But also explains why Marinette keeps her hair like that, as a sign of respect to Socqueline.

This also shows how great Adrien and Marinette are together. Adrien is ready to defend Marinette, and he is willing to go to great lengths to protect her. (Even kill). It was great to see Adrien be so understanding and wanting to make sure she is comfortable every step of the way. And it just adds so much to Origins.

The Bad:

It really just makes almost everyone else involved seem really awful.

Chloé and Sabrina being such awful people to her that you would think Marinette would NEVER let them touch a miraculous, even if she was desperate. Kim too but... she never initially chose Kim and/or likely repressed that trauma filled moment as a mental defense mechanism. But definitely doesnt explain Chloé and Sabrina.

Damocles, Mendeleiev and even Sabine dont come off that good. Sabine only getting a few points by having Socqueline step in to watch over Marinette. Now I heard its hard to change schools in paris, but I think after 3 F***ING years Sabine and Tom would havve done something. So it really doesnt seem good here.

It also really lampoons all of season 2 and 3 for chloé's development. All those appeals of genuine emotion. Nope, always evil and vile. The fact Marinette and the rest of the class even TOLERATED Chloé is straight CAP.

Kim also just loses a ton of likability here. I dont care how oblivious you are, WHY would you think Marinette would enjoy a prank at HER expense, especially when suggested by someone like Chloé? Did Kim really not get Chloé was evil?

This episode also makes episodes such as Animaestro so much worse. Marinette KNEW Chloé's type of pranks and still went along with it. Like even if you repress that traumatic event, the 3+ years of bullying. Marinette's reason for NOT choosing her in Loveater suddenly feels WAY more justified and NOT a mistake. Girl has trauma.

Marinette's empathetic nature towards Chloé now seems completely foolish. Anyone that knew Chloé should be convinced she is a hell spawn.

The fact Lila is friends with Chloé should put everyone on red alert.

This really makes me wonder how Marinette can even be remotely understanding of Chloé. It also makes Maledikator SO MUCH WORSE. Everyone was completely valid in Partying. Like damn.

Though ignoring Chloé, I guess the main thing is that this flashback brings up things that clash so hard with previous seasons and episodes. In origins, it made it seem like marinette had no friends. But in truth, Marinette did have a friend, even if she wasnt in the same year. I know not everyone knows of the prank going too far thanks to Socqueline, but Kim seemed more than happy to talk about the prank. You dont think word spread through his dumbass mouth?

______________________________________________________________

Overall the episode brings up a lot of interesting tidbits about Marinette's character and is a net gain for the Adrinette relationship. But at the cost of previous canon and brings forth more problems than it solves.

I wish this was actually a two part episode where we could have gotten more to flesh things out. Maybe explain that Marinette feels guilty over Socqueline being suspended and stopped talking to her for a while. Or maybe that after the big prank. Socqueline showed up to Chloé's place and told her to back off since now there was NOTHING holding her back from an ass beating. There is more I feel like could have been done.

[bird-inacage]

Love in the Air: Sky’s Denial of Prapai’s True Intentions

So for the last two episodes now, Sky and Prapai’s conversations have repeatedly revolved around Sky insistence that Prapai is only interested in sex, to Prapai’s attempts to reason there’s more to it than that.

Sky is so adamant in believing Prapai’s intentions are purely superficial because of his own history, which is colouring his judgement. This is incredibly understandable, as Sky has been massively affected by that experience and is still dealing with PTSD. Prapai also arguably poses a high risk prospect because of his own respective history as a playboy and all round flirt. If you were going to hedge your bets on boyfriend material, Prapai would not be the obvious or most secure choice. But these interactions are also a stark reminder that both Sky and Prapai’s assumptions are based on very little at all. Neither of these two people know each well enough to make any sweeping presumptions about one another.

Beyond Sky’s reasoning, there's evident denial too. It’s always easier to remain stubborn to your point of view, because to even consider the alternative is frightening - its a classic case of the unknown. You anticipate what will happen based on your own experiences, even if you understand that nothing is ever guaranteed nor set in stone. There is always the possibility that situations may play out differently to how you would expect, but can you bring yourself to find out?

So what if Prapai is serious? What if Sky admits that he wants Prapai to be serious about him? What does that mean then? There would be more at stake and far more to lose. Sky just cannot afford for that to happen again. 

As much as Prapai puts in a tremendous effort to get Sky to notice him, the irony is that he doesn’t actually need to do much convincing at all, because Sky is already interested. It’s because Sky’s already interested that he’s in constant denial. He’s not ready or comfortable accepting that fact. The more Sky spirals around these thoughts, the more he admonishes himself, because he sees himself falling prey to the same trap. Why has he seemingly learnt nothing? Why is his instinct still to be hopeful and wanting?

On the other hand, Prapai is also starting to turn a corner. His pursuit of Sky was initially driven mostly by curiosity and obsession. Seeking to solve why he had an inability to get Sky off his mind, but with no real conclusions drawn as to why that is. We now start to see the realisation creeping in for Prapai when he poses those questions to Sky “What if I’m serious?” He’s also addressing them to himself. Why does he care so much? Why does he worry? Why does he want this person to know as much about him as he wants to know about them?

Prapai even comments on how he has surprised himself with the strength of his feelings and the lengths he is willing to go to for Sky. It’s caught him off guard as equally as it has for Sky, just for completely different reasons. Whereas Prapai is somewhat perplexed or bemused by the growing revelation around his developing feelings, Sky is fearful and dubious.

I think its very natural to surprise yourself with the capacity you can possess to love someone. After all, it’s only once you do love someone, that you realise how far those depths can stretch.

It is through the act of nursing Sky that Prapai is now showing rather than telling him that he’s interested in more than sex. This act can also be seen as Prapai’s declaration to himself. ‘I do care about you beyond just the one night stand we had together’. I believe this has a considerable bearing on Prapai’s own growth and maturity. For someone who is so used to being written off as an ‘asshole’, it must be nice to prove (even to yourself) that you are genuinely capable of selflessness, and that you’re not such a bad person after all. I think there’s also something to be said about self-fulfilling prophecies. The more you are told that you are an ‘asshole’ or a bad person, the more likely you are to play into that stereotype that others have assigned for you.

At the moment the ball will be in Sky’s court. Whether Sky chooses to confront his and Prapai’s mounting feelings for each other, will take an enormous amount of courage. We obviously know they do, but it will be incredibly validating for Prapai to watch Sky slowly allow himself to reciprocate.

[miru667]

hiii!! miruu it's me (AGHDG again) i wanted to tell you that....in ur drawing celebrating a decade for the Onceler fandom you left a link to another publication and I BARELY NOTICED IT T-T... but well the topic is uhmmm

i wanted to say how much i adore that you shared that with us aaaandd HOW I LOVE THE DEDICATION YOU PUT TO YOUR DRAWINGS!!! LIKE every line you made- for example the lines you did on the old onceler's suit, GOD and his chain WHAT (i always go to that drawing because you don't know the feelings it transmits to me) i loved what you say about Onceler Aftermath, about what it represents regarding the fandom and how you added so many references that i know are very significant and nostalgic for the fandom and the people who formed it at the time

apart from that i love that you mentioned everything you referenced in the drawing!!thaaanks for that, i must say that i did not know many of them and i even ended up reading one of the ask blogs that you cited hehe

and the fact that it took you 6 MONTHS AAAAA this drawing deserves to be framed in gold

i REALLYYY love reading the history of this fandom and what it means to you...and i know that even though i wasn't there, i can feel the love you have for all of this

im glad that a person like you is still in this, and willing to explain and convey to new travelers (like me) what all this is :")))

and before i go i would like to ask you a question since i read all this ^^

at the beginning of the fandom... did you ever imagine what would come to be formed and then continue to have an impact on people???

THAT'S ALL AAAA A HUGEEE APOLOGYY for the length of the menssage but there were so many things to say TuT that i didn't even say some , reading the entire post made me smile and inspired

SHAKOOOOOOO 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺😭😭😭 Thank you for reading that behind-the-scenes post omg that means a lot to me TTWTT... it's okay if you didn't notice it before, it's because I only recently attached the link onto the main post AGJSGUD BUT STILL like??? The fact that you've been coming back to that zine piece is so 🥺🧡 it makes me happy that someone likes it that much!! Sgjhjd yes I went pretty insane for this picture since it was the COVER so I felt a lot of pressure! 😭 It was a zine to celebrate 10 years of the fandom so I wanted to draw something to represent those 10 years, and so I decided to play to my strengths and take advantage of my knowledge of fandom history :,)...thank goodness they gave us plenty of time to finish our pieces dchgjd

And for your question: NO I absolutely had no idea what the future held back then, nor did i think about it! In 2012 I simply lived for the moment, moment to moment in a state of obsession. I don't think anyone can predict how things will be looked back on in 11 years while you're just enjoying the moment in present time. The way people engage with fandom stuff has shifted greatly in the past decade, attitudes about "cringe" keep changing too, things that are hilarious to us right now could be seen as problematic in another 10 years and vice versa in ways that you're unable to conceive of at present. People have gotten art careers thanks to improving their art through the onceler fandom, others have gotten married to someone they met through the fandom, and others have been traumatized and feel weird when they see old fandom posts being reblogged...there was no way I could've predicted any of that at the beginning. It was my first fandom, tumblr was still relatively new, and the internet was a very very different place! And I was also a very different person.