#it's so hard to explain
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"mascara trailing down her cheeks..."
#HEA makes me cry sooooooooo much#I really enjoy painting her#I wanna capture this feeling#it's so hard to explain#slay the princess#slay the princess fanart#stp#stp fanart#art#artists on tumblr#artwork#fanart
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Gender is so dumb lol. I've started to really love identifying as a butch, but my pronouns are still exclusively he/him. Just to shake things up.
#lupo tag#because if anyone calls me she or they it fucks up my whole day#so i guess i'm still a hee/heem#i feel like it works this way in my brain:#i'm too little to be a cis man and i was a girl for like 23 years so i might as well keep -#- a tiny bit of that identity. but only in a masc way.#it's so hard to explain#also i just love that it pisses people off. it makes sense in MY head
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"Do you want a boyfriend/girlfriend?" no i want a best friend/roommate/soulmate that I can go on silly adventures with and hang out with and have deep intellectual discussions with and we can be life partners without any of the romance stuff
#its so hard trying to explain this to other people so maybe the aspec community gets it?#john watson#sherlock holmes#sherlock holmes/john watson#aroacespec#aroace#aromantic#asexual#acespec#arospec#queerplatonic relationship#qpr positivity#qpr#queerplatonic#1k#5k#10k#15k#20k#25k
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LGBTQ+ folk what was your gender/sexuality pipeline?
#For me it was#Cis AroAce -> Cis Biromantic Ace -> Cis Bisexual -> Questioning Bisexual -> Genderfluid Bisexual#Technically still Aspec as I'm Placiosexual as well but people get too confused when I try to explain that#Idk in general my sexuality is really all over the place so its hard to completely set one label for it#also currently wondering if I might be Demiromantic#lgbtq community#lgbtqia#queer#transgender#transfem#transmasc#genderfluid#gender#genderqueer#nonbinary#bisexual#gay#lgbt#questioning#asexual#aroace#aspec#aromantic#demisexual#lesbian
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Another “what other scenarios can I think of to make me already emotional about these two” idea
#gravity falls#stanley pines#stanford pines#stan twins#sea grunks#sketches#comic#my art#stan pines#ford pines#long post#i cant even explain how i got this idea#but that’s like most of my ideas lol#made a realization while drawing this:#that ford understands the sentiment#because he had to sort of say goodbye to stan with the memory gun#so some small parallels#or i’m just thinking too hard on it#no id
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#it’s so hard explaining that this is my fav manga to people 😭#ITS SO CLEVER AND DARK!!!#like the original s1 anime was so mischaracterized and inappropriate just for the sake of fan service 🤢#and s2 literally doesn’t even EXIST to me omg its so traumatic#kuroshitsuji#black butler#kuro#thoughts#hall of fame
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And one amang, an Iyrysch man,
Uppone his hoby swyftly ran…

WAIT HANG ON - slamming the brakes on drawing this stupid picture - do you nerds even KNOW the etymology of the word “hobby”? The thing you do for pleasure? The thing you have too many of? The thing you spend too much money on and share with your friends? The thing tumblr probably is to you? Those hobbies?
It comes from a now-kind-of-extinct breed of Irish pony-horse. It was called the Irish Hobby. Supposedly the hobby got its name from the Gaelic word obann, or swift. They definitely were. They’d obann your pants clean off.
Fast tough little bastards, built for rough terrain and renowned for their speed and stamina, hobby horses belonged to the Celts, and their highly annoying style of mounted warfare. but their conquerors liked hobby horses a lot, kept them, used them for themselves, and found them useful enough, despite the fact that they also had famously useful things like mounted knights or horse archers. A lightweight Irish warrior, mounted on a hobby horse, was called a hobelar.
Reportedly and in depictions, hobelars rode without stirrups. Or saddles. Or bridles. Or - well - this is all sounding very improbable, because the hobelars COULDNT have just been charging around basically bare-assed on naked ponies, screaming, and somehow in the process undoing the composure of actual mounted armoured knights. Knights who, I remind you, had stirrups. Stirrups are useful! It’s quite likely the hobelars had some gear. And clothes. and weapons. And the ponies probably had some tack - I am picturing a bellyband that you could at least hang a saddlebag on, and a neck rope for catching the bloody thing, even if not a saddle. But the overall impression, somehow created by people on darling little ponies, was apparently quite striking and fearful.
I mean. God Forbid People Have Hobbies.
Anyway after a while, whatever people became the British had eventually conquered all of the rough terrain that hobbies were best at, and horse archers just got sexier, and mounted knights became aristos, and all the bog and forest people had been subdued, so it was time to sunset the hobelars. but WAIT! Hobby horses are still tremendously fun and appealing! They’re so fast! and you can ride them without a saddle! Sure, they’re not up to the weight of a mounted knight, or indeed a lot of guys… but surely we can still find a use for a hobby or two? In the back garden? Somewhere?
At which point an English king decided to keep hobby horses just for fun. No military application. No further development of the technology. Not for fun. Just as expensive, pleasurable, pets. Just for the joy of the thing.
And that is how hobby (activity done purely for pleasure) comes from hobby horse (small horse) possibly from obann (swift.) they’re very interesting and you should look all this up for yourself! because it sure sounds like Elodie doing a bit, doesn’t it?
Today, Irish Hobbies are functionally nonexistent. References for drawing include the Kerry Bog Pony, the Connemara, and (I personally think) Dartmoors and Exmoors. They’re said to have lent their speed to the Irish Hunter/Sport Horse and from there to the Thoroughbred, but every damn horse in the world claims relation to the Thoroughbred, and they can’t be THAT thoroughly bred.
At any rate - you can never have enough hobbies. Just be glad that yours aren’t expensive beasts with minds of their own, eating their heads off in the pasture! …Unless they are. In which case, you’re part of a proud tradition.
#Killie#this is Killie’s ancestor who occasionally turns up in hallucinations with various ghost horses#like all elements of magical realism in the killieverse he does absolutely NOTHING useful.#your ancestor is neither proud of you nor disappointed in you. he’s riding alongside explaining some thoughts he had at breakfast#performing weird fuckin feats of equitation outside the window while you’re trying to sit through school or waiting in the queue at Greggs#if you wake up in a hospital bed in a bleary moment before consciousness he’s perched next to you chattering complete fucking nonsense#about. like. the stupidest stuff. like he’s just free-associating his thoughts based on a pattern in the ceiling tiles. incredibly annoying#his dialect just close enough to Irish that you can pick out a few words here and there#enough to tell that it’s complete nonsense. but also he’ll just say things like BASED. (possibly he is also visiting miles?)#and occasionally he points out that he did everything you do in your job but barefoot. no stirrups. in the snow. uphill both ways.#which is quite hard to do in a bog since they’re notably quite distinctively flat usually so sometimes he’d have to find a hill and ride up#and down it a few times just to build character. no saddle no bridle no shoes and the Romans were there maybe - and when you object to that#thinking there seems to be a lot of collision of timelines and historical accuracy - he doesn’t speak Irish suddenly . and why would he.#anyway he doesn’t exist and never did. but he’s fun#occasionally turns up to ride alongside you in a race apparently just to prove he can keep up with modern breeds#usually he can surprisingly well but tbf his horse is a ghost. and when he can’t he says well. I’m not a professional like you.#this. is just my hobby. ahahahahahahahahahshahahahahasha#and with that I get back on my hobby horse and ride away
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a little late to deny the kiss pv
#no i wont explain what made me draw this#crk fanart#cookie run kingdom#pure vanilla cookie#shadow milk cookie#shadowvanilla#pureshadow#vanilla milkshake#my drawbs#fanart#OKAY FINE I LIED I WILL EXPLAIN#this may slightly connect w the other comic i did with touchstarved sm#in the way that he very much forcefully dragged pv in a widdle smooch (not widdle at all)#and got the urge to give him a little bite (not little he is bleeding)#OH the hypocrisy to say sm can touch him whenever he wants yet deny a little kiss!! so cruel of pv!!#but pv didnt fight against it really hard until he was bitten
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i think i finally figured out what's been irking me so much:
"all girls are bad at math" <- not okay to say, because it is a gross generalization*
"all women are bad at driving" <- not okay to say, because it is a gross generalization*
"all men are trash/evil/abusers" <- somehow okay to say even though it's a gross generalization??? even often applauded???
EDIT: The below comment is what this post is trying to say. I know about the abuse statistics, I know about our society, I know. I'm not saying anything about how none of that is real. I am trying to say how unhelpful and often hurtful the above words can be to anyone.
If you can't comprehend my point from my original wording, please just read this 👇👇👇
#* i am not arguing that it should be okay to say these things btw. ggs/stereotypes are bad#nor am i saying that it's not accurate to say that some men are misogynists and abusers#but I'm trying so hard to explain how unhelpful the words are. how unhelpful it is to say that all men are inherently evil.#transandrophobia#transmisandry#transgender#anti radical feminism
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i think its so funny when people take the way donnie acts at face value even though its a horrible lie because he's a horrible liar, while understanding leo is bullshitting very well despite him actually being GOOD at bullshitting. many such cases
#personal#rottmnt#although tbf its probably because with leo its unpacked more thoroughly in the movie#donnie is not a morally ambiguous emotionally unavailable bad boy. he is very sensitive actually#he's a little crybaby /aff#and like this isnt hidden. he isnt SECRETLY sensitive or secretly caring its very out in the open actually#he's not hiding it well AT ALL AND THEY ALL KNOW IT LMAOOOOOOOO#i think donnie's perception of himself is somewhat earnest and somewhat. not? he DEFINITELY thinks he's more evil than he actually is#BGHFHDHGJFHG#i think what causes him to lash out and struggle to communicate is his inability to articulate his feelings#they are just too big for him. like its the exact opposite of robotic#he cant force himself to give a fuck but when he DOES its too much#so he yells and lashes out or he shuts down completely#honestly i think the perception of him being too sensitive being a problem makes way more sense than the perception of him being 'robotic'#when it comes to struggles in how his family sees him at least#even in little ways you can see him take it pretty personally when he's insulted#he struggles to blow things off#and i think it would also explain his tendency to like. visibly calm himself down when he gets upset? its a thing he does a lot in the show#he desperately wants to destroy that perception of him because he's trying so hard to close himself off#he doesn't want to be the sensitive one that cant take anything. it especially works in line with his shell#it was a big inspiration for canary continuity tbh. donnie should struggle with being the sensitive one in fic more#mikey is more empathetic and he's more emotional but donnie's quicker to feel offended or take things personally#BACKED UP HEAVILY BY CANON#that 'you can be honest with me! no hard feelings' - 'he's lyinggggggg'#like he's not upset with them babying him as much as he is with them genuinely finding it frustrating that he can fall behind like that#and just cannot take shit like that. so he tries to pull back and not seem as affected as he is#theyre a very cuddly family but mind you they can be actually mean to each other like that!!
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So... uh...... yeah I kinda like them and their chemistry a lil bit too much *cough* and uh I think it would be cool if the sassier is uh- shorter *cough cough* and the "more spacious in the head" is taller

#can't believe I'm craving more Smoked - Golden sass because all I can remember after chapter 5 and 6 is they're so casual with each other#it's hard to explain but I WANT what they have#cookierun kingdom#crk fanart#crk#cr kingdom#golden cheese cookie#golden cheese crk#smoked cheese cookie#smoked cheese crk#mozzarella cookie#burnt cheese cookie
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here's my unfinished comic that i'm probably never going to finish that's been bothering me for almost a YEAR now... This was part of my metal sonic au that I still delude myself i will return to posting about some day. Idk, maybe, but this is the very beginning of the story, in which Metal accidentally becomes somewhat organic (which was supposed to happen at the end of this comic which was supposed to be like 30 pages but i turned out to be weak)
WHEW! well you can look at my old ass drawings of organic metal sonic in the tag under this very name and maybe I will draw something more for this one day, cause I still think about this story sometimes. For now I hope you freaking enjoyed this comic that almost killed me last february, i almost gave myself carpal!
and thank you @mysticruinedme for being so enhusiastic about it that it made me want to post this sooooo bad :3c
#alright im so insane rn#read my silly little comic god its been so long#i worked hard on it!#feel free to ask stuff if you're curious about anything i will gladly explain ^^ like im still passionate about the story its just fallen#into the back of my mind but i still enjoy it#sonic#metal sonic#art#fanart#digital art#comic#sonic the hedgehog#eggman
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even 2 years ago people still said autism with a whisper. it was also how people sometimes whisper lesbian, like they're afraid of uttering a slur. autistic was either an insult or it was something terrible, a horrible burden only select people endure. "select people" were usually 9 year old boys and skinny white men.
they are not hispanic young adults with a dog and a life and friends. i can make (sustained, calculated, painful) eye contact. with certain people, i don't even have to count how many seconds i am holding their vision - i can just look at them. i can wear clothes that bother me, i will just have a worse day than usual. i might cry about any changes to my schedule - but change is scary! this is normal!
when i was 16 it was OCD. i mean that was the thing everyone said. i totally have ocd. they would arrange 6 colors of gel pen in rainbow order (no worry for indigo feeling left out) and they'd be "so ocd" about it.
if you struggle with intrusive thoughts, be careful at this next paragraph, but. at 16 i developed a compulsion that involved self-harm. my ocd was convinced i was simply forgetting that i'd hurt someone terribly - a thought that persisted for no clear or delineated reason.
at some point i will probably write about how the idea of "morally pure thoughts" was hell for me and others with ocd, but this was the odd dichotomy for many of us: they liked our "aesthetic", but were genuinely repulsed by our lived experience. "intrusive thoughts" now means "cutting your hair in the sink" instead of talking yourself down from believing horrible things. "so ocd" is a label without any true understanding.
it's something i've talked about before - in multiplicity - but i firmly believe in the veracity and necessity of self-diagnosis. i think it saves lives and it saves tragedies from occurring. as someone raised in a house that wasn't safe, self-diagnosis was, for many years, the only viable option. 15 and honestly googling: am i depressed or are there demons affecting my behavior.
but it is not genuine self-diagnosis anymore, most of the time. it is a strange, blanched version of that whispered word autism. now certain traits are constantly seen as "autistic" - any passing intense interest. any flubbed social interaction. people say it while laughing - a touch of the 'tism.
and i like the acceptance! i do. i like that people are talking about it. i like that if i self-identify, more people speak up and say me too, bitch. but there is something-else quietly happening, the way it happened to OCD. the quirky, "fun" parts have been washed and sanitized and removed of all suffering. now it is just something that makes you "a little bit silly."
it took me 27 years on this planet before i learned to make friends. something about me just seems incredibly odd, i guess, some kind of radiation monitoring. someone once (in a way that was almost friendly) told me i am doing the right things, but in a way that's off-putting. i have scoured myself raw attempting to be charming.
someone on tiktok does a deep dive into their particular passion. the top comment says "what kind of autism is this lol". like we are a breed of animal. like it has no influence on our experience. like our life is a fresh breeze, an open meadow.
more often for me, life was a drowning.
#warm up#spilled ink#writeblr#it's hard to explain bc i do like the acceptance but it's like the ocd thing#autism is . an entire neurotype. yes we get 'cool autism powers' but we mostly say that#for OUR sake. on the autism website.#the cool autism powers do come with like. quality of life problems.#girl being in a room with LEDs gives me a headache. so you can kind of imagine how that might#in some way#influence my ability to function#will defend self diagnosis to the death as long as it is CLEAR AND LEGITIMATE. not like.#oooo i struggle talking 2 women i must be autistic#girl what. i struggle with the act of TALKING.
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my friend thinks hes a damn poet
#90% of their conversations before winter feel like this to me#i feel often moomintroll expresses how he feels to snufkin and just sort of gets a Well this is how it has to be.. in response#sometimes you just want your friend to listen and accept instead of trying to explain somefin to you#its why i appreciated the end of the fuddlers courtship dlc so much because we dont often get a genuine more emotional response from him#tis just a quirk of snufkin wanting to keep everyone at an emotional arms length so its nice having him admit its hard for him too#art#beebsart#moomins#the moomins#moominvalley#snufkin#moomintroll#snufmin#springdove#hooorayy
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In short- the bugs of Hallownest did not take it well. Lots of screaming about "The end of the world" and "past sins coming back to haunt them". Elderbug almost had his second heart attack and basically every bug, other than the Pale King children and Quirrel, hid for several hours. (Zote likes to claim he was the first to make contact)
As for why Dewi's Dad is in Dirtmouth? Well, he wasn't very happy when his 11 year old son told him about going into a 'mysterious cave' to see his bug friends. Adult supervision and all that.
#Elderbug: “Guess I'll die”#Dewi is a lot less intimidating than his Dad. (Despite both looking like eldrich horrors to bugs) He's very gentle with his movements#Compared to his dad who has no idea how to handle bugs at all and is frankly terrified that they are crawling all over him#But man. Dewi idolizes his Dad so hard#The Old Stag is here and Also almost had a heart attack. But he likes Dewi and was curious enough to meet his Dad. <3 why not at this point#Hollow is not wanting to explain their first meeting with Dewi to his Dad. Despite being possessed by an evil moth she-demon.#hehe I loved drawing these guys. tho this took wayyyyy longer than it should have. Anatomy is HARD#dewi#dewi's adventures in Hollow Knight#my art#ask stuff
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DOCTOR WHO 1.13 ✧ the parting of the ways
Time Lords have this little trick. It's... sort of a way of cheating death. Except... it means I'm gonna change... and I'm not gonna see ya again. Not like this, not with this daft old face.
#doctor who#ninth doctor#rose tyler#christopher eccleston#billie piper#dwedit#dwgifs#tvedit#&.mine#tv: doctor who#just#the way that i hard the hardest time going through this scene#when they were literally just talking about what they wanted to do together#and the adventures and places he wanted to take her to#he explains the process so calmly and so kindly#and then the swell of the music as he says his final line#im gonna end it all#nine my beloved 😭❤️🩹
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