#like fuck it was so fucking funny i was wheezing the whole time

[crimson-constellations]

i have a pattern for find out my fav fics in each fandom im in that consists in me looking for some quick fluffy shit to read bfr bed but being so tired i barely understand a thing forgeting about it for months then picking it to reread by pure accident just to transcend to the fucking skies over how good it actually is

[cute-sucker]

rafe loved to watch you plant.

there was something so domestic and calm about the whole situation. you would kneel down, so close to flashing him, humming a soft lullaby. he could almost imagine you juggling a baby on your hip, making him dinner at eight, and telling him about your day.

it was also funny at first, the way you would wake up, bleary-eyed before sneaking out of bed to water your plants. at first rafe would yell out for you, grabbing for cold spaces near your part of the bed, scared that you had left ─ but soon he would find you wandering near the garden.

you had names for your blossoms, cute ones too, and he would tease you about them, asking you to tell him the names as he had you in his lap. and sometimes he swore he heard you talk to them.

"yea! rafe got me this cute embellished purse that says my name on it-" and one time rafe had caught you, and you had practically jumped out of your skin, shushing the flower.

he laughed, "kid? kid, are you talking to your flowers?" he could barely handle it, trying to muffle his laughter at your smile. you bit your lip, and then shrugged, as if you were caught stealing.

then as if you wanted to distract him, you pressed a soft kiss on his shoulder, batting your lashes, "the conversation makes them grow," a shy confession that made him want to tuck you in his pocket and never let you go.

when you first moved to tanyhill, the first thing you asked about was the garden. it was silly you knew, the way you were so excited about a garden. rafe had taken one look at you, a silly spade in your hand, and a cheesy smile and grabbed your face to give you a kiss.

"does this mean i can plant some fruits? please," you got on your toes to give him another quick kiss, "please," another peck, "please!"

he groaned, unable to get you to stop skipping, as he ran a hand through his buzzed hair before giving you a pointed look.

"goddamn it, you're running me crazy," he grumbled before you pouted, pleading doe eyes making his heart ache. "yeah, have at it kid. go grow your strawberries."

you had worn some silly rain boots as well, and you felt very close to stomping them. one one hand they were so cute with pretty ladybugs imprints, but on the other hand, you really really wanted to start a garden. but the minute you heard rafe's approval, you pursed your lips before giving him a hard kiss.

he looked taken back when you pulled away, rushing to get your things, and then he laughed to himself, "if i knew you'd act like that, fuck, i would have done that a long time ago."

quickly enough, you would sometimes watch rafe peek outside his window to watch you plant. those days you would wear your cute skirts, and short tops so he could come down to talk to you. you felt all flushed whenever you noticed the shit-eating smile he gave you as if he could tell you were toying with him.

"are you trying to kill me, sweets?" he would always whisper in your mouth, wrapping you in his arms, and you would smile against his lips.

this time however, you had a plan. it was silly you knew it, thinking of pranking rafe cameron. he was someone who looked series, and the last time you had played a prank on him, he had gotten a bit pissed─but this time it wasn't bad!

"rafe! i have a surprise for you," you giggled out as he leaned against a tree letting out a small grunt as he scrolled on his phone. you were holding a bunch of squirming worms in your hands, a cheeky smile on your face.

you walked up to him, wobbling closer to look at him. he had his sunglasses on as you squinted against the sun, "rafe?"

he looked up, "what?"

you gave him a sweet smile, "open your hands. open em'" you giggled, practically radiating as you smiled. rafe cocked an eyebrow before sighing and holding out his hands.

you quickly dumped the worms in his hands, as he looked at you disapprovingly. at this point you were cackling, holding your hands to your chest, wheezing with laughter.

"you think this is funny, kid?"

you let out a watery laugh, "really funny."

and despite himself, you swore he let out a smile as well.

[skylarsblue]

✦I have more C.o.D Quotes✦

Gaz: How’s your head? Y/N: Well, I haven’t had any complaints yet. Gaz: …excuse me? Y/N: Oh uh, I think I’ll live-

-- (Somewhere in Greece with a fuck ton of cats) Ghost, watching Price sneeze every five seconds: What a catastrophe. Gaz: No. Y/N: PFFT- Soap: Stop, no, don’t encourage him. Y/N: Ahem! Right, right. Not funny. Ghost: I am purrfectly capable of being funny. Y/N: *struggling* Gaz: Sometimes I wish you didn’t have a mouth.

-- Just a scene of Y/N taking out a bottle of whiskey, unscrewing they cap, then putting one of those lid caps on. (Like the ones you have on those fancy Gatorades) Taking a huge swig and closing the cap on it as Soap watches in amusement, & Price in fear.

-- Ghost: Quit messing with my hand. Soap: Quit messing with my hair! Y/N: Quit being gay. Gaz: PFFFT Y/N: Both problems solved.

-- Y/N, on the comms: You have thirteen seconds before the building fucking explodes you hot topic wannabe- Ghost: … Y/N: And you green gumball son of a bitch. Gaz: Wha-?! Soap: *WHEEZE* Y/N: You have done nothing but ruin my life; I hope you both die.

-- Soap, Gaz, & Y/N: *cackling* Laswell, losing at poker: I miss my wife, Price. Price: *places down cards* Laswell: I miss my wife.

-- Ghost, overstimulated & a lil drunk: AHHHHHH MY BONES Y/N: *frantically getting headphones* Soap, drunk: *wheeze* Gaz: Ah. I know I should’ve- *dies coughing* Soap: *more wheezing*

-- Graves *kicks in door* WHO POSTED MY NUDES ON TWITTER DOT COM?! Y/N: SUCK IT, BITCH BOY!! Alejandro: *aggressively slapping his leg while silently laughing* Rudy: *pointing and laughing* Valeria, in handcuffs: Ha, dumbass.

-- Graves: Bitch, you are gonna get in this car or I’m popping between ya eyes! Valeria: Hey, I know you. I saw your dick on Twitter! Graves: NOOOOOO Y/N: AHAHA!

-- Graves: C’mon Johnn- Y/N: *chucks a rock at Graves’ head* Graves: OW, WHY?! Y/N: NO JOHNNY FOR YOU! He goes by Soap and we respect that! Graves: Ghost calls him that! Y/N: CAUSE GHOST HAS PERMISSION, you EARN the right to Johnny! And I will be damned if anyone else earns the right before me. I been working my ass off to get the Johnny privilege and you will NOT get it for free! Soap, who’s just been standing there the whole time: *leans to Gaz* Have they actually been taking it that seriously? Gaz: Yeah. They’ve also been working real hard to try and get the right to call Captain “John”. Shoulda seen their face when I said they can call me Kyle. Soap: That’s…really sweet, I’ll give’em permission later. Gaz: Why not now? Soap: I wanna see that bastard get chewed out some more.

-- Y/N, perched on Price’s desk: Captain. Price: *sigh* Y/N: Captain I crave violence.

-- Ghost: Your family line deserves to die with you, only shame it didn’t end before you. Graves: ….I just sat down!

-- Y/N: You’re like…the human incarnation of crumbs in the bed. Graves: Oh c’MON THAT’S REAL MEAN Ghost: It’s true though. Y/N: The kinda crumbs that you keep swiping away but somehow they never leave- Graves: Alright! You know what- Soap: Like getting in bed after going to the beach. Gaz: Sand in the bed, yeah. Feels like that when he talks. Graves: I’M JUST GONNA FUCKIN LEAVE! Y/N: *watches him go* Annnd now the sheets have been changed. Ghost: Clean from filth. Alejandro: You all are so cruel and it’s perhaps the funniest thing I’ve ever seen.

-- Gaz: Things Gucci with you? Y/N: It’s Goodwill at best, my guy. Price: I don’t know what this means but I feel like I should be concerned.

-- (Mild NSFW Jokie Time) Gaz: You alright? You been zoned out. Y/N: Hm? Nah I’m good, just having depraved thoughts. Gaz: Depraved, you say? Soap: Oh do tell. Y/N: You just…you ever see someone and think “they have pretty eyes”. And that’s normal. But then the little devil in the back of ya skull goes “yeah they’d look good rolled back”. Or am I just a whore? Gaz: That is depraved. Soap: Got a good point though.

-- Y/N: Ooo! Look! Old pictures of Captain, this one’s dated. You would’ve been…19 in this one. Lemme s-…… Gaz: Lemme see! ….. Price: What? Y/N: …..you were a whore, weren’t you captain? Gaz: That’s the face of an arrogant bastard who fucks regularly. Price: I…might’ve been a bit of a playboy. Y/N: And I would’ve fallen for it you god damn bastard, no ones fACE SHOULD BE THAT NICE!

-- Valeria, painting her nails: I might kill my ex, not the best idea. His new girlfriend’s next- Alejandro: ….. Rudy: ….should I be worried? Alejandro: Move away quietly and pray.

-- Ghost: For the record this is self destructive. Soap, chugging his 5th energy drink in the past hour: For the record, I’m aware of that.

-- MILF!Y/N: Boys. Bed, now. I wanna talk to your captain. Price: No, boys stay. Please stay- Y/N: Go. Price: Stay. The boys: *concern, panic, perhaps a bit of fear* Y/N: Go! Price: Stay! Y/N: You go! Soap: *speed walking* Price: Soap, stay! Y/N: NOW! Gaz: *slowly backing away* Price: Gaz, don’t move! Y/N: YOU GO! Price: SIMON- Ghost: *leaving*

-- Ghost: What was Plan A? Soap: …don’t fuck up. Ghost: And what was Plan B? Gaz: Don’t fuck up Plan A. Ghost: And what did you do? Y/N: …fucked up plan a- Ghost: YOU FUCKED UP PLAN A-

-- Ghost: What’s rule number one? Soap, with dynamite: Party! Ghost: NO! No, not party! No!

-- Graves: How about after this, we get a drink? Y/N: …I would rather gouge out my eyes and blindly navigate a way to turn them into earrings than ever be anywhere alone with you. Soap, grinning: Ooooo brutal! Ghost: Karma.

-- Ghost: Wait…Johnny’s into me? Like…he LIKES me?? Gaz: Oh Si…you poor, sad, dense mother fucker.

-- Ghost: At least nothing of importance was lost. Laswell: …Graves was kidnapped. Ghost: I know. I said what I said. Y/N: Nothing of value was lost but we did shed off some trash! Ghost: Precisely.

-- Ghost: These lights make me wanna pull my eyes out and eat them. Medic!Y/N: *turns lights off in favor of a lamp* …alright, so you’re autistic, good to know.

-- Ghost: Should I get my reading glasses? Y/N: Oh no no, this isn’t an eye test. It’s a GAY test. Now tell me, *holds up picture of Farah & Graves; Price being 1* Number one, or number two? Ghost: Number one?… Y/N: Interesting. *holds up Farah & Soap, Soap being 2* Okay now number one, or number two? Ghost: *gasp* Y/N: Number two, right? Ghost: Maybe I am gay?

-- Waitress: So, I’ve gotta ask, I’m really curious. 141: ? Waitress: Have any of you ever used like…the military language in bed? Soap: Naaaah. Y/N: No, I don’t- PFFFT, I- *wheeze* I’m sorry I’m imagining it- Gaz: *biting back laughs* Y/N: “You gonna come?” Affirmative. *laughs* Soap: *WHEEZE* Gaz: *cackling* Price: Oh lord- Gaz, snickering: Picking up speed. Y/N: COPY- *Laughter x100* The entire team: *giggling like hyenas* Ghost: Uh, that’s a no. I don’t think we’ve done that.

-- Price: *smiles at Soap & Gaz being stupid* Y/N: I like when you smile. Price: …huh? Y/N: Your smile, I like it. Makes your eyes crinkle up and your beard makes you look like a cuddly bear. You should smile more. Price, internally on the verge of tears: *fond sigh* Get back to drills, soldier. Y/N: Yes sir!

-- Ghost: *minding his fucking business* Y/N: You have pretty eyes. Ghost: *chokes on air* Pardon? Y/N: You have pretty eyes. Ghost: No I-…they’re just brown. Y/N: So? Your eyes don’t have to be blue or green to be pretty. They’re pretty because they’re expressive, and when the sun hits them they look like syrup. I like’em best when we’re all at a bar. They get brighter then. Ghost: Ghost: …stop talking, sergeant. Y/N: Copy that, L.T! <3

-- Gaz: *laughing at something on his phone* Y/N: You have a great laugh. Gaz: Hm? Oh…really? Y/N: Mhm. It’s cute, comes from your chest. I’ve never heard you laugh in anyway that’s not genuine. Really fills the room with joy. Gaz: Dude, you’re gonna make me all soft with words like that. Y/N: All according to plan!

-- Soap: *rambling about something* Y/N: *listening intently* Soap: Then-…ah, I been talkin’ at you this whole time, eh? Should probably quiet down. Y/N: No no, I like your voice! Soap: Eh? Y/N: It’s super energetic and loud, and when you tell a joke or talk about something you love, it’s like you can hear your smile. It’s really fun to listen to. I like when you talk! Soap: *inhale* You’re gonna make me cry- Y/N: I have tissues!

-- König: *fidgeting* Y/N: *takes his hands* You have beautiful hands. König: Wh- Huh?? No they are not. Y/N: They are too! König: Nien, they’re rough and calloused, they break a lot of things… Y/N: They also pet stray cats, make the best coffee on base, and create crotchet works of art. They also mend wounds pretty well. Yeah they fire guns but that doesn’t make them less beautiful. König: *he’s actually crying* …Danke. Y/N: Don’t mention it!

-- Rudy: *rolling his shoulder* Y/N: Anyone ever tell you that you have great shoulders? Rudy: Hm? Oh uh…no, I don’t believe so. Y/N: Well you do! Rudy: Ah, gracias. When I was younger I wanted them to be broader, sometimes now I wish they were more narrow. Can never really be happy with’em, you know? Y/N: Well I think you should be. They’re strong! *gently pats his shoulders* They hold a lot of weight, metaphorically and physically. And even when they’re weighed down, you shoulder it and keep moving. You’re real good at that! I like your shoulders. Rudy, prepared to die for them: …gracias. Y/N: No problem! Now c’mon, the guys are waitin’ for us!

-- Y/N: You have good collarbones. Alejandro: What was that? Y/N: Sorry, I know that’s real specific, but I think your collarbones are pretty. It’s like…the rest of you is bulky and strong, rugged. Then you have these delicate bones. I’m probably being too poetic but it’s like a subtle nod to your gentler side, just, built into your body. Alejandro: …you have a lovely way with words, camarada. Y/N: Thank you! I appreciate that!!

[alwaysshallow]

every single one of those 141 mfs are hopeless romantics lmao.. it takes a while to get used to simon but once you guys are together yall are TOGETHER. This man fixes ur things u didnt even know it was broken. you get free oil change and break checks lmao. hes so unintentionally funny with you too and its a combo of levi ackerman + gordon ramsay it makes u wheeze and gasp for air. price out here buying you flowers all the time and you are starting to run out of vases to put them in. he probably has daydreamed about yall being on a canoe/gandila, white swans swimming around you guys in the lake, ect. then he gets interrupted by shots fired rip gaz makes anniversaries for everything. first ferris wheel date, first xmas together, first camping trip together. he also make sit a mission to have a treat-yo-self day every year. you guys have matching versace slippers lol. he plays piano for youuu ;) Soap smiling like a fucking dumbass when he sees you. like the smile he got when he told Valeria you gonna pay for what you did. THATS the smile he got. kick and swings his feet when u send his little texts through the day. he sends you pictures of houses/cars that looks like they have faces on them -💸

you get it, cash anon!!!

simon is such an acts of service type of man. might not be the best with words, pda or anything, but he's gonna fix everything you'll need to fix. quality time with you and him watching some sappy series and he comments everything.

price? come on, not only giving you various gifts, but also words of affirmation. he tells you how he loves you, he tells you how he loves you, how he appreciates that you're here with him:( you almost cry when you hear all of this from him. no matter if he's off at deployment or beside you.

gaz ahhh jhfsh quality time with him planning the dates, every little thing is just thought through, you don't have to worry about anything. he's also very on physical touch (aren't they all), like?? not even in sexual way, he just needs you there, in his arms, hand around your waist. when you're not beside him in bed, he's searching for you like a lost puppy sjjhb

soap mmm. physical touch, hands on your ass, everywhere he can, he's so gross with it sometimes, but he can't really help himself when he sees you. words of affirmation is his big love language too, like he's just feral for the whole idea of you telling him things like i love you or i miss you so much, i wish you were here. if he would, he'd hop on the next plane and spend an eternity with you lol

[ma1dita]

🐥

okay I dont wanna seem annoying but it's 10:53pm and the ideas r coming in but I already sent an ask in so do whichever u want first 😭

bf!Luke when he's sick headcanons? (can be in an au where they're js normal ppl or can be them at camp, your choice !! 🫶🏼

🐥🐥🐥🐥🐥

a/n: LIVVVVV i truly believe that if this man was sick with an SO that would take care of him he would be the biggest bitch alive just because he can

at camp:

it starts with a sniffle, luke trying to be oh so brave about it until he can’t ignore the sneezes that sound like they could shake the earth and all of cabin 11 (if you think those kids barely got sleep in general, you should see them get mad at luke’s dumbass going ACHOO for the 47th time that night)

so they rightfully complain to you to go get your man and drag his ass to the infirmary, because the cabin counselor he is loves taking care of others but throws a fit when they tell him to get checked out by the apollo kids talking bout “i don’t get sick, i’m too cool to get sick! heroes don’t get—”

yeah so he has the flu

one stern look from you sends him packing towards the infirmary, dragging his feet in the dirt and complaining the whole way

he puts up a fight the whole time, swatting the healer’s hands away to the point they want to tie him to the bed, and luke doesn’t like not winning

“luke just listen to the fucking healer and you’ll be out of here faster.” “bedrest! they want me to be strapped down here forever, babe, you know i don’t like not moving for that long! though if you were the one tying me down…” *sniffles innocently*

a cold towel smacks him in the face

you end up nursing his nasty germ-riddled ass back to health in a corner of the infirmary that you have to make your own for the next week and a half. 

but if you ask him, he felt fine after a few days—he just likes being taken care of by you

im bored lets do modern hcs too:

in this universe he’s still a little shit but at least you two live together in a cute little city apartment

luke’s laid out on the couch wrapped up in some of your coziest throw blankets as he scrolls through old reruns of friends, laughing at chandler’s humor because i imagine it to be a lot like his own (of course, if rick let him be funny instead of traumatized and an antagonist)

you’re making chicken noodle soup in the kitchen and the smell wafts through the air of your apartment even if he’s so congested his voice sounds funny when he talks

i think you guys would have two cats, brother and sister—absolute menaces, pouncing on him in turns trying to resuscitate their dad from his lifeless form on the couch to throw their little mouse toy around

that or a really big senior dog who sleeps at his feet and turns its head every time luke makes a funny noise

oh he’s still annoying in this one trust—you gave him a little silver dinner bell to ring if he needs you since you’re working from home in the other room but the problem is this man always needs you

ring. “babe!’ ring. “baby!” ring ring. “love of my life, absolute goddess among—*wheeze* humans, can you come here a second?”

“what’s up, honey?” “oh i just needed to see your pretty face. feeling better already!” 

you toss a pillow at his head and get back to your meeting.

when it’s over though, you join him in his little blanket fortress and he lays on your chest, sniffling and smiling as he pulls you into a kiss and thanking you for existing

you get sick after but it’s worth it. sort of like payback

[the-cookie-of-doom]

Kim and Chay Accidentally Develop A Pony-Play Fetish

So I saw this post:

And I thought to myself, you know what would be really funny?

Chay is the first one. Kim goes okay. I'm willing to work with this. A warning would have been nice. But he's going to power through any awkwardness, swallow his giggles, and ride his ass. And Kim gets into it. Not like, personally, but he's going to make damn fucking sure his boy is satisfied.

Kim is saying some dumb pony-play shit trying to play into what he thinks is Chay's suddenly-revealed fetish, grabs his hair and tells him to neigh, or says he's gonna break him in like the wild stallion he is.

Chay thinks Kim is the freak.

They're both like Okay, This Is A Bit Weird, But If You're Into It.

They're both very supportive boyfriends. Goals, honestly. One drops a buckwild (haha) fetish in the middle of sex? Fuck it! Guess we're doing that, now!

Afterwards goes something like this:

Chay: so you know how we talked about discussing kinks before, like, doing them? Kim, judging him: oh so now you remember? Chay: EXCUSE YOU??? Kim: ME??? Chay: you're the one that started the pony play!! Kim: You said you were a horse!?!?!

Once they figure out the misunderstanding they're going to die. Rolling on the floor laughing, can't breathe, haven't even put their clothes back on yet. Chay is wheezing.

Chay: you told me to neigh! Kim: and you did!!

Kim committed to the bit (haha) so hard. No hesitation. He just fkn went with it. If Absolutely nothing else, that man is RIDE or die.

But then it gets better. This could easily be a one-time occurrence. Something to laugh at later. But then they get kinky another time, Kim brings out a riding crop, and Chay just. Loses it. Then Kim loses it. He can't even defend himself! He's laughing to much to remind Chay that they already owned the damn thing, and he wasn't thinking of That Incident at all!! It takes him at least half an hour to clam down enough to even try fucking, and they're still giggling the whole time.

After that, one of them buys a gag that looks like a bit. Once again, on the floor cry-laughing for at least ten minutes. (But actually it's so much more comfortable than a ball-gag, may as well use it!)

One night Kim is tying Chay up and Chay goes, "Are you gonna lasso me?" grinning like a menace, then honest to god knickers. He's been practicing. He's going to kill Kim.

All that to say- they eventually, accidentally, end up with a full kit of tack, complete with Kim in this outfit:

thank you @snickerdoodlles for not immediately blocking me when I started this nonsense 🤣💛

[desceros]

For infinite singularity, I was wondering, after Donnie takes reader out of the office through the portal…

What happens to the..crime scene and our psycho coworker? Especially what did the rest of the brothers do?

(Btw love ur work, ur a total inspiration! ✨💞drink water, steal sum sustenance, take care of yourself 💗)

As soon as you and Donnie are through the portal, Leo gets to work. 

Mikey’s in charge of keeping your coworker from doing anything stupid. A task he enjoys greatly, as it means he gets to sit and giggle on the guy’s chest and pretend he can’t hear him wheezing for breath where Donnie nearly choked him. Meanwhile, Raph is sent off to take care of getting the power back on. He’s no Donnie with tech and never will be, but he’s getting decent at stuff like this. They don’t need it, but it’ll make it easier when the cops finally show up to wipe up the mess.

“So, what exactly was the plan here, huh?” Leo asks your coworker. “You get kicks out of roughing up pretty girls?”

“She’s not some random girl. She’s my soulmate,” your coworker spits, vile descriptions of the things he planned on doing to you cut off when Leo gets a foot on the clown’s broken forearm. 

“Wow, that’s so weird. Here I thought she was my brother’s soulmate,” Leo says, waving his hand in the air and watching the rage purple your coworker’s face. “What with the whole can’t stand to be apart and gazing sappily into each other’s eyes thing they have going on.”

“My pure little dove wouldn’t fuck a monster. He’s forcing her.”

“Buddy, I can promise you, first hand account, she did. Also, kind of ironic considering I’m pretty sure you got caught with your hand in one hell of a cookie jar, don’t you think?”

Raph comes back. “Power’s on,” he says, his word the only indication that’s the case since he left the lights off. Better for them, just in case. 

“Good job. One last thing,” Leo says, putting more of his weight on your coworker’s arm and feeling the bones splinter beneath his heel. “What’s TCRI doing sending out hit squads? Last I checked, business wasn’t supposed to be this cut-throat.”

Between heaving breaths of agony, your coworker groans in wretched agony before he just starts to laugh and laugh and laugh. “You’re a funny guy.”

“Right? Everyone keeps saying it’s my brother, but man, I’m telling you, my lines are killer,” Leo says, a grin that’s all teeth slashing onto his face as he grinds his heel into shattered bone. 

“He ain’t gonna talk,” Raph says after a minute more of your coworker just laughing each time he stops gritting his teeth in pain. 

“I can make him do it,” Mikey says cheerfully, a smile that doesn’t match his eyes pulling into place. 

“…Raph’s right. We’re not going to get anything out of him,” Leo says, pulling his foot off your coworker’s arm. “Knock him out and call it in.”

“I’ll find her again,” your coworker grits through his teeth. “She’ll never be able to hide from me. I’ll haunt her forever. Even if it’s like this, it’ll only ever be me she thinks about. Forever and ever and—”

“Ohh, my god, shut up,” Mikey groans, and with a thwack, your coworker goes silent. He then looks up at Leo, tilting his head. “…I didn’t know you believed in soulmates, too, Leo!”

“…Of course I don’t,” Leo brushes off, turning to inspect the security camera, putting his shell to his brother’s gaze.

“Cops’re on the way,” Raph says, and the two watch as Mikey gets your coworker trussed like a turkey. 

“We’ll have Donnie send them the security footage. Doesn’t look like he tampered with the cameras,” Leo says. Cutting a portal, he jerks his head. “Come on. Let’s go home.”

Reappearing in the lair, Leo pulls up his phone.

neon leon (6:11 p.m.) hey hermano. everything okay over there? how she doing

neon leon (6:12 p.m.) bud? you good?

neon leon (6:15 p.m.) nerd says whaaaat

Narrowing his eyes, Leo starts to tap out the next message—dude if you don’t answer in two minutes i’m coming over and—before he freezes in place, thinks for a moment, then groans in disgust. 

“Did you get a hold of Donnie?” Raph asks, tilting his head in confusion when Leo brushes past with a wrinkled beak.

“Let’s give ‘em an hour then try again. Fuckin’ rabbits.”

“…Rabbits?”

Mikey pets Raph’s shell consolingly. “You’ll understand when you’re older.”

“Wh—B—I’m the oldest?!”

[mashup-writing]

Haunted Promises (Mia Winters; Resident Lover)

-------------------------------------------------------

Requested? ☑

"It's all washing over me, I'm angry again."

Summary: The Sorority's head is supposed to be socializing on opening night, but there's anger palpable in her gait & her eyes tell you it's your fault. Is it your fault?

Warnings: Alluding to OG!MC's death.

Genre: Angst

Resident Lover Masterlist

01-11: Set in the very first loop that MC lives through.

----------------------٩(◕‿◕｡)۶-----------------------

The music fades further away until it's inaudible as you ascend the stairs. You're unable to help the sigh of relief from coming out as a wheeze when you reach the rooftop's door.

"I think it should've been clear that I wanted to be alone."

The venom in her voice makes you stop in your tracks for a moment. Mia almost feels bad for the uncontrolled outburst, she stops just short of turning her whole body around to face you before suddenly remembering: You aren't who used to have your face anymore.

That one is gone.

You sigh, shutting the roof door behind you before taking forward, tentative steps. There's enough distance between you and Mia that she won't feel as though you're intruding on her space, but it's not so large as to let her pretend that you aren't there either. She continues staring up into the sky and you keep your eyes on her shoulders- They tell you that she's breathing shallow.

"I'm sorry." The words come out of your mouth and despite the tone of your voice, it doesn't feel sincere for either of you. A scoff leaves Mia's lips as you take steps to stand beside her by the rooftop's ledge. "You don't even know what you're apologizing for." Her tone is still dripping venom, but you don't feel as angry as you know you should be- You feel no anger at all.

"I know I'm sorry for whatever I did to have you hate me like this."

Mia's eyes meet yours for the first time ever. The silence lasts for a few moments and when she opens her mouth it seems that she doesn't know what to say, a funny thought crosses your mind and so you take it upon yourself to fill the air.

"On the bright side, this marks the very first time you've looked me in my eyes, you know?"

The tentative smile on your face fades when Mia's scowl is replaced by a deep frown instead. She immediately looks back towards the stars and you don't miss how her hands grip the ledge just a little harder than before. The current silence stretches further, and it feels just as suffocating as her anger which has now thankfully seemed to disappear. It feels as though ages pass in the quiet seconds between the two of you.

"I don't hate you."

It's now you who turns your head to her in surprise and you're about to open your mouth to ask for an explanation when Mia hastily beats you to it with a vague one. "You look too much like someone I lost."

"It's like their face is on the wrong body." She adds almost as an afterthought. You're unable to form words, how could you after a revelation like that? But you find out that you didn't have to after all, as Mia seems to be on autopilot after that statement.

"They could never have put up with your dorm situation, Angie and Daniela's combined rambunctiousness would've driven them to insanity worthy of the straightjacket treatment. They never would've joined a Sorority either and I wouldn't have dared trying to convice them or else they'd clock me over the head with a hardbound textbook."

Mia let's out a chuckle before continuing her rant. You hold your silence and let her speak, knowing she needs this. There isn't anything you can say that would make this easier for her anyways, so you opt to turn your body to face her. Letting her know in a silent way that you're listening.

"They never would've joined any clubs now that I think of it, they would much rather keep me company wherever if they weren't nose deep in some modern-fantasy, mythology-fantasy, medieval-fantasy, or whatever the fuck anything fantasy novel." She laughs fondly, her shoulders shaking with joy brought by memories before she shakes her head.

"They love the quiet life." Mia tells you with a forming smile that's gone as soon as she turns to look at who she's talking to out of habit. She turns her head in the opposite direction. "They loved the quiet life.."

-------------------------------------------------------

She is haunted by a ghost which breathes. A ghost which stands less than ten inches away from her, and Mia is not strong enough to meet it's eyes again.

Mia thinks to moments from long ago, spent with her best friend under a night sky just like this one. Her neck strains from the angle but she forces herself to hold still. She is haunted by a ghost with blood in its veins and it hurts Mia to know that she knows what this ghost's pulse feel like beneath her fingertips despite having never touched them yet.

The difference is that they would be making up silly stories about the stars visible for the night- "You can't even tell what I desperately need at fucking moment." She thinks bitterly, and with too much disdain that she knows she'll regret it in the future when she ends up remembering this moment someday.

Mia decides she'll apologize to them for this in the next letter she'll burn with the hopes that the wind will carry the ashes to wherever their actual soul is. Because the fake standing beside her cannot possibly be the piece of herself that she lost to someone more twisted than a pretzel.

-------------------------------------------------------

Your hand moves to gently rest on her shoulder of its own accord. You don't need a psychology degree to know that grief can be a dangerous thing to the one grieving, despite it being a natural and an unavoidable part of life.

The words that fall from your lips are whispered so tenderly, so softly- That you wonder for a moment if Mia even heard it.

"Would you like a hug?"

Your doubts vanish when Mia immediately shifts to all but throw her entire body weight into your arms, clinging so tightly that you feel pressure on your lower ribs. You cling to her just as tightly.

You don't know each other that well, or even at all- But you know that she needs this right now, so you cling to each other. Mia holds onto you like she's afraid you'll be gone if she drops even an ounce of the pressure, and you hold her as gently and as firmly as you can.

Mia's tears soak your shirt, her silent sobs wrack your bodies, and you let her grieve someone the has clearly loved and lost too soon.

"I know I could never be them-"

Her arms around your body tighten even more, and your hold on her loosens due to surprise.

"Please don't be... Please don't try to be them, just be. Just be, please?"

You don't understand why Mia's begging you for this so desperately, you can't understand why there's a different kind of urgency to her pleas that you can't figure out the reason of-

But she needs someone who isn't here anymore, and all you are is someone with a familiar face. So you let her grieve, and you try to soothe her even if you don't know why she begs you to swear it to her.

"Okay, I promise." Is all you can muster.

That night, Mia grieves in the arms of the ghost haunting her; And you make a promise you don't understand the importance of.

----------------------٩(◕‿◕｡)۶-----------------------

01-11: Happy Pride Month everyone! I think the Ao3 curse has started to take hold in my life because I got hit by a GMC pickup truck while cycling last Thursday.... 💀

I hope you guys enjoyed my very first Mia fic! As per Anon's request, Knife-wife doesn't die!

[undreaming-fanfiction]

Joining the Steddie Valentine avalanche!

In all Steve's previous relationships, he was the one taking care of everything related to the Valentine's Day. Chocolates, roses, a nice candlelit dinner, a romantic movie - he did it all because it was expected of him. And sure, he enjoyed doing it, he loved showering his dates with gifts and affection, but it was always about meeting someone else's needs. And sure, dating a guy might be different, but Steve is a giver so he's fully prepared to do the whole spiel with Eddie. He's not fully sure if Eddie would like roses so he's researching, trying to blend the typical Valentine activities and gifts with Eddie's uniqueness. He wants everything to be perfect for Eddie because damn it, he deserves it more than anyone.

So when Eddie shows up under his window after his shift on February 7th, blasting Van Halen's "Why Can't This Be Love", just briefly shouting "stay up there baby, I'm serenading you here and for that you need a balcony or something!" before belting out the lyrics, adding a comment here and there that has Steve snickering in his window:

Whoa, here it comes That funny feeling again Winding me up inside Every time we touch

"And I would love to talk about the touching bit more but you've got neighbors, baby, and they're a nosy bunch, so-"

Hey, I don't know Oh, tell me where to begin 'Cause I never, ever, felt so much Hey!

And I can't recall Any love at all Oh, baby, this blows 'em all away

"And before you ask, yep, wanna talk about the blowing bit too, but still neighbors, we're moving to a cave in the mountains, I tell you..."

It's got what it takes So, tell me why can't this be love? Straight from my heart Oh, tell me why can't this be love?

He ends up kneeling under the window as the tape clicks and he looks at Steve with those large dark eyes, flashes him a toothy grin and digs in his pockets, producing a surprisingly well preserved envelope. "Steve Harrington, the sun of my life which, unlike real sun, isn't hurting my skin or making my head spin, well actually you do the second thing, but in a good way! So you're the superior sun for me. Where was I. Oh yeah. Be my Valentine? In a week. I think. I double-checked the calendar, so it should be a week. What do you say, pretty boy? You and me and some romance? Please say yes, I'm kneeling in the snow here and it's cold as fuck."

Steve is still wheezing with laughter when he assures Eddie that he will be his Valentine, he will be the sun of his life or anything he needs and offers to let him in and warm him but, but Eddie just blows him a kiss, wiggles his finger and shakes his head. "Na-ah Stevie, I've got preparations to do. Which means, no planning or worrying your pretty head, I will handle everything for our big day. Let me just slide this bad boy in," he shows the envelope again, "which I would love to, but innuendos aside, it's just this paper thing and through your door. Open it on the morning of 14th, yeah? And follow the instructions."

And Steve just smiles down at him and blows him a kiss in return, feeling silly but also excited. "Don't I always?"

They end up calling each other in the evening of February 13th, chatting about anything and everything. Steve starts yawning but when Eddie nudges him to go to sleep, he firmly rejects. "I consider anything past midnight morning, you know," he tells Eddie and Eddie's cackling fills his ears as they wait together for the date to change into 14th.

When Steve tears the envelope open with Eddie's quiet blessing, he's surprised to see that there's nothing concrete. Just Be ready at 10, Stevie. Comfortable clothes and that pretty smile of yours are the only two things you'll need.

Eddie snickers when Steve asks him about it. "You always follow instructions, Steve, but you're way too smart about it for your own good. See you in ten hours, love you!" And with that, the phone goes silent.

Steve Harrington knows exactly how Valentine's day normally goes. It's fairly pleasant. Very romantic, all that. It never occurred to him that maybe things could be different...and better.

Eddie picks him up at 10 with hot coffee in travel cups. He asks Steve to hold both and when he does so, Eddie reaches behind his back and produces a single flower, tucks it into Steve's hair. "Flowers are not ideal for where we're going, but there's no way you're not getting at least one," he says, quickly checks the neighborhood and presses his lips against Steve's cheek before heading to his van.

And out of all places he could have thought of, Eddie takes him to a basketball game. He proudly presents the tickets and ushers Steve in, squeezing next to him into uncomfortable plastic chairs. And Steve just stares because he was supposed to be the one taking care of things, he was supposed to choose whatever Eddie likes but Eddie is here, smiling at him, even looking excited. He can't help but ask then, thank him profusely, but Eddie didn't have to, they both know it's not exactly Eddie's thing, is Eddie going to be okay-

But Eddie stops him right there with a squeeze of his hand, warm against Steve's. "I appreciate you thinking about me, Steve, you always do and I love you for it. But you deserve something nice too, you know? And sure, I originally thought - let me give you the whole thing, flowers, chocolates, fancy dinner, but...the more I thought about it, it wasn't you. Or it was, but not really? Because I don't know if you really like those things, if you want to be reminded of those formal dinners with your parents, if you want to sit in a restaurant where we can't even share a dessert because people would be assholes about it. Here," he turns to the crowd humming with anticipation, "no one cares. No one watches us. So we can do something you like and I can hold your hand. And," he admits, pulling a strand of hair in front of his face, "I might have found your...comparison to chess or even strategic games inspiring. It sort of is like a battle. And I need a good fight dynamic for my next campaign for all those nuggets of yours, so...happy Valentine's day, Steve." He phrases it as a question, unsure whether Steve found the explanation enough, but the beaming smile and interlocking of their fingers tells him everything he needs.

Steve doesn't spend the Valentine's day of 1987 sitting in a restaurant with a pretty girl. He goes wild cheering with Eddie by his side, Eddie who shares his hobby as if it was his all along. Their hands are comfortably slotted together and they are drunk on it, being together in public, side by side. When the cheering gets too loud and Steve winces, his head warning him that the noise was too much, Eddie just smiles and reaches into his pocket, producing a carefully wrapped pair of earplugs.

Steve doesn't eat a fancy pasta dish, terrified his fingers will slip and the spaghetti will fly everywhere. He returns with Eddie to his and Wayne's small home (Wayne conveniently having a shift and then stopping by Scott's) where Eddie proudly presents him with a bucket of KFC because "I've heard from a reliable source that someone finds this finger lickin' good." The painful memory has been long overshadowed by the new love and Steve listens to more of Eddie's rambling, explanations on how he thought it's either something he knows Steve likes or experimenting and then eating an inedible disaster, and Steve can't help himself but kiss Eddie to shut him up so he can tell him it's perfect.

Steve doesn't watch a romantic comedy or a period drama that day. Instead, Eddie sits him down to The Golden Girls, one of Steve's not so guilty pleasures, and combs through his hair, laughing at the jokes and arguing with Steve which of the characters is the best.

Steve doesn't get a card, a box of chocolates or something similar. Instead, Eddie gives him a mix tape with all the songs that remind him of Steve, with short recorded explanations in between. Steve wants to keep the tape - and Eddie - forever.

And finally, Steve doesn't give Eddie any generic gift either. Instead, he presents Eddie with curtains for his new room - because Eddie is a self-proclaimed vampire and the morning after Valentine, Steve examines his neck and wonders if those claims were true - with an illustration he commissioned from Will, the Hellfire logo next to the Corroded Coffin one in vivid colors on the textile. As Eddie turns a lovely shade of pink and sputters how wonderful that is, Steve reaches around Eddie's neck and gently claps a chain there, letting Eddie examine the new guitar pick with a small "S+E" engraved into the back side.

Steve Harrington didn't do a single thing he normally does on a Valentine's day during 1987. And, as he whispered to Eddie under their covers when they were falling asleep, now that he saw what the holiday could be about, he could never go back.

[carnivalcarriondiscarded]

Oooh, can I ask what WH fics you've read that you'd recommend?

absolutely!

one i Strongly recommend is Strings Of Fate by A_Cypress_Coffin. its ongoing, 7/20 so far, with nicely sized chapters, Frank-centric FranklyDear , an intriguing take on how being puppets affects the characters, interesting dynamics & characterizations, beautifully natural dialogue - its just all around an absolute fucking Banger. ive re-read it like.... three times now lmao

then there's Because if you're not calm, I'm not calm. by krool_aid which also Fucks Severely. completed w/ 3 sizeable chapters, Frank-centric, & imo its simply Captivating. i loved their portrayal of Wally, the puppets being Puppets, their perception of their world, and also Frank's internal dialogue and slow-building breakdown. neat as hell!!!

Inside Jokes by The_PastelVoid made me CACKLE. i love me some corny ass jokes, and this has some top tier ones - delivered by Barnaby, of course. pure fluff and fun, and is guaranteed to give you a laugh & good feels

Goodnight, Wally! by PastelDemon is super cute! very light/minor angst that quickly turns into hurt/comfort that quickly becomes plain fluff. good fluff. very sweet. you might want to book a dentist's appointment after reading.

Goin’ Out of My Head by 5_24 is another one that just had me Wheezing. very fucking funny, i was grinning the whole way through. its chock full of the kind of humor that makes me want to take notes so i can better my own writing, you know? absolute Chefs Kiss comedy

Everybody has a Crush on Wally Darling by Venuswrites1711 is also a very cute one. the chapters are short but sweet and its definitely a pick-me-up read

[0cta9on]

Hey🫡 Hope you got a lovely rest, I'm preempting this ask so I don't forget😉

Ouhhhh this is just lewd thought, I thought it was funny and hot and the same time🥴😂.

"Your innocent ass mindlessly pulled a simple prank on your housemate by pulling the 'tail costume' of your housemate, That's what you thought at first but the truth unveiled itself that the tail does not attach on a rope nor a belt, but in fact by her puckered hole. She was edging with it consequently your action accidentally made her squirt"

Love to see your take on this scenario😂

Hello mikeylo! Honestly, every time I thought about how to write this scenario, I could only imagine it in a comedic way :,) And for some reason, Somi is the only idol that came to mind, so I hope you don't mind :>

Another day of classes complete. One of your professors fell ill that morning with no replacement, so thankfully you're able to get to your apartment an hour early to chill out and catch up on some rest.

As you open the door, you see your roommate rummaging through the fridge.

"Yo, Somi. I'm back."

Her head pops up from above the fridge door, a look of panic in her eyes. "H-hey dude, didn't expect to see you back so soon, hehe..."

You squint at her, studying her expression. Somi has always been a bit of an oddball, but this seems different. What's even more suspicious is the fact that she hasn't moved an inch away from the fridge despite her telling you off last week for not closing it properly.

"What are you doing?" You ask, not moving your gaze away from her.

"J-just getting a quick snack and then I'm gonna head back to my room."

"Okay, then why are you hiding behind the fridge then?"

"What's with all the questions, what are you, a cop? A-and I'm not hiding, I'm just... looking," she answers unconvincingly.

As you take a step closer to her, you can see the panic growing on her face. So you take another step. And then another step. And another step. Each one makes her grows a bit wider until you feel like they're about to pop out from her head.

"What are you hiding, Somi?"

"I-I'm not hiding anything, man, I'm ju- WHAT'S THAT OVER THERE?!" She tries to divert your attention and escape, but unsurprisingly, it doesn't work, allowing you to grab her wrist and finally see what she's hiding - a black furry tail sticking out the back of her shorts.

"Oh. My. God. Dude."

Somi struggles to release herself from her grip, her face growing beet red with embarrassment. "Let go of me! Or else I'll bite you!"

"Can't believe my roommate has been a furry this whole time," you tease, wheezing with laughter.

"I-I'm not a furry, just- LET GO!"

You grab a hold of her tail and jokingly yank at it, but soon regret your decision once she collapses to the ground, her entire body shivering uncontrollably.

"Oh my god, Somi are you ok- oh... Oh."

Somi's tail isn't connected to her shorts like you originally assumed, but somewhere much more... "personal." A growing wet spot appeared on the front of her shorts and the random noises she was making that you thought were from a seizure were actually whimpers of pleasure.

"Dude... You need to find a hobby."

"Sh-shut up for a second," she stutters, catching her breath. "That was... fucking amazing... holy shit..."

Feeling a little violated, you trudge to your room, but Somi's words stop you right as you reach for the door knob.

"D-do you wanna... f-fuck my ass real q-quick?"

[lawsvalentine]

Getting High With Them • OP Men HC • (SFW)

Fem!reader

Characters: Luffy, Zoro, Sanji, Usopp, Law

CW: drug use, cursing, humor, some fluff, slightly suggestive on Sanji’s and Law’s

Cee’s Note: Just vibes. This was really fun to write. Hope y’all enjoy!

Luffy

A newbie to weed, so when it hits it hits HARD

Mf thinks everything is so fucking funny when he is high

You could say a knock knock joke and he is on the floor wheezing

He’s the type to say the most random shit while high

“Y/N, isn’t it crazy that water is like wet air”

“Luffy, what-“

MUNCHIES! Somehow manages to be even more hungry than usual

You two are so obnoxiously loud like the whole crew can tell you two are high

He will say everything he is thinking about so don’t be surprised if he blurts his feelings out to you without a second thought

Zoro

We all know Zoro can hold his liquor but weed is a whole different story

Mans can barely function when he is high

Has the signature stoned look that looks like this

Completely spaces out, good luck trying to have a conversation with him

You wave a hand in front of his face “Earth to Zoro?”

Nothing.

Absolutely nothing.

He passes tf out within the first two hours of your smoke session

But don’t worry his cuddles make up for it

Sanji

He is surprisingly chill asf when high

He has smoked weed a couple times before with some chefs at the baratie so he’s not too foreign to it

One of the perks of getting high with the chef is he will whip up whatever you want when you have the munchies

Ya’ll be having the most deepest conversations about the meaning of life while high

Sanji already found you beautiful when sober but there is something about you when he is high that finds you breathtaking

“Am I high, or are your eyes sparkling right now, Y/N-Swan!”

“Nope, your just high, Sanji”

Oh and for some reason, weed makes him even more horny so you two end up having high sex after every session

Usopp

Paranoid AS FUCK

Mans is tripping out BAD

“Y/N!!!! MY THUMBS ARE GONE!” He says waving his fists in your face.

You gave him a blank stare as you unclenched his fist revealing his thumbs

“Oh….”

Now granted, you already knew Usopp’s claims of being a stoner was bullshit but you were curious to see how far he would take his lie

Mans could barely roll his blunt properly sgdjdj

When you and Usopp’s high was wearing off, you told him he didn’t have to pretend to be a stoner

He admits he was only trying to impress you and make you think he was cool because he had a crush on you

Law

This man right here is a COMPLETELY different person when he is high

Like a full 180

Mans is smiling more, cracking jokes, and dare I say actually laughing????

“WHO ARE YOU, AND WHAT HAVE YOU DONE WITH LAW?!”

Law just chuckles at your outburst, causing your eye to twitch, not believing what you are seeing

Perks of getting high with a doctor, he is also your supplier

He’s got the GOOD SHIT if you know what I mean

Law is a lot more bolder with PDA when he is high

Whether it is his hand on your thighs or you sitting on his lap

Just like Sanji, weed makes Law more horny than usual, so if you’re on his lap you will definitely feel his dick get hard

[jackdaw-and-hattrick]

Teetering

Tw/Swearing.

Ao3

Previous-Next

There was no sun here, but the day was bright as Damien ran through the garden. The plants chased after him, vines and roots snaking and snapping around his feet. Above him, Phantom floated, weaving in and out of branches. Suddenly, a willow branch snapped forward, and Damien had to duck out of the way: a front roll and a flip as he dodged the greenery. Then a petunia, teeth bared, lunged, and he jumped backward, not seeing the island's edge until he was rocking back. His foot slipped, and for a sickening moment, Damien was falling down into the endless void of the Infinite Realms. Then Phantom catches him and holds him in his arms as they fly to the great tree at the garden's center, where they land on the highest branches. From here, Damien can see the whole island. It is beautiful, lush, and wild, so different from the training grounds back home. He goes to pick one of the odd black fruits, which hang heavy and ripe, but he's stopped.

“Don’t,” Phantom says, “The fruit isn't safe.”

“But I've seen you eat them.”

“Yeah, but I live here.

You have a home to get back to.”

.......................................................................................

Pennyworth was the first to recover. Stepping past the floor-bound form of Todd balled up and wheezing from laughing, though Damian couldn't think what was so funny, he swept what family he could towards the living room. Damien was unsure just how much of the family was planning on joining them for dinner, but for the time being, it seemed to be just the five of them. Phantom, for his part, gathered his board-line hysterical boyfriend up into his arms and followed after. It was odd to see such a thin person carrying a man at least two hundred pounds heavier as if it were nothing. Strange, Damian faintly noticed he was smiling. When did he ever?... No matter.

The sitting room was, like all of the manor, spacious and decadent, with paneled wine-red walls stretching up so high they seemed to curve to the chandelier, not as large or beautiful as the one in the main hall or even the one in the dining room but still magnificent in its own right. If there was one thing Damien appreciated about living in the Manor quite as much as the freedom it afforded him, it was the sheer beauty and care given to each room. As much as he'd hate to admit it, he didn't know how Pennyworth maintained such a large space on his own. There simply where not the hours in the day. Even attempts to shadow the man had proven fruitless in explaining how he managed.

Finally, Todd seemed to have calmed himself to the point where it was no longer a struggle to speak over him. Father, standing stiffly in the corner where the light was weakest and glaring daggers through Phantom, was the first to speak.

"Who are You."

Damien opened his mouth to speak, only to be cut off with a sharp glance.

"I mean..." Phantom hesitated, seemingly unsure about how to continue. " I'm Phantom. I used to babysit Dami when he was little."

"You were part of the League of Shadows?"

"No!" Phantom seems somewhat over-emphatic in Damien's opinion, not that anyone had asked.

"No, I'm..." He glanced over to Damien, "I'm the king of the Infinite Realms, Dami just used to visit sometimes when he wanted to get away for a bit and I would keep an eye on him."

"What are the Infinite Realms? How did he get there?"

"Oh you know," he floundered, "League of Shadows... Forbidden magic... all that Fun Stuff."

"Elaborate"

Surprisingly, it was Todd who spoke next.

“Look, the League had a natural portal to the Realms they kept squirreled away ok? It was a whole big secret; only the top members were supposed to even know about it.”

“Like the Lazarus Pit.”

“Yeah,”

“Is it dangerous?”

“It's a giant hole in reality leading to another dimension,” Todd said, irritation evident, “ not a fucking Chucky Cheese. Of course it's dangerous; that's why we closed it.”

“We?” Phantom snorted

“Yeah, yeah Mister I-close-holes-in-reality-for-shits-and-giggles. Not all of us can be fucking One Punch Men. ‘Sides, I helped. Hell knows when you were gonna get around to it if I didn't threaten to leave you sleeping on the couch.”

“Hel doesn't know anything about scheduling and you know it.”

Father cut in, interrupting their fond bickering. Silently, Damien wondered how long Todd and Phantom had been dating.

“So the portal has been taken care of.”

“Yep!” Phantom said, “I closed that dumb thing right up!”

“Are there any others?”

“Yeah, but most natural portals don't stay open long enough to be a problem. A stable portal is a little like a fairy; real, but rare enough that you can keep the salt at home.”

Father blinked, unsure how to react to that answer. Damien remembered this; the strange explanations that brought up more questions than answers. As a child, Damien had always found this extremely irritating. It was reassuring to see that this had not changed.

“What is the Infinite Realm?”

Again, Todd answered.

“Exactly what it says on the tin; it's a realm, and it's infinite. Basically, it's a space between universes connecting them all together, and ‘cause there’s infinite other universes, there’s infinite space between them. It's like driving through Kansas. Most folks don't think about the people who take care of those endless corn fields.”

Father glared at Todd, clearly frustrated with his butting in. He very purposefully turned to Phantom.

“Damien said you were king?”

“Yep! Won the title after I beat the last guy into the ground when he tried to flatten the midwest!”

“What does that mean?” Father gritted his teeth, not used to all of this talking. “What duties come with being King of the Infinite Realms?”

Again, Phantom hesitated, glancing over to Damien as if trying to decipher some great mystery, and again, Todd stepped in. Interesting. Irritating.

“Same shit that comes with being King anywhere. He sits through boring ass meetings and makes sure no dumbasses try and kill each other.”

“Hn”

“So,” Greyson said, stepping purposefully between Father and Todd, “How’d you two meet?”

He flashed his signature “socialite” smile. Phantom met it in a wide parody of a grin, eyes impossibly wide and hair glowing ever brighter. Before he could speak, Pennyworth, who Damien was sure had been by the door leading to the front hall, stepped in from the dining room.

“Excuse me, sirs,” he said, voice as level and unreadable as ever, “but it seems dinner is ready.”

Tag Cultists

@mur-ururu @krzys2000 @soren1830 @fisticuffsatapplebees @emergentpanda-blog @heirxofxtime @plotwholls @phoenixdemonqueen @avalnfear @historyboiiiiii @rangerhorsetug @zgirlxy @mistrfuzzles @thegreawizards @aroranorth-west @emeraldcorpral @the-archer-goddess @gin2212 @undead-essence @eleiteranger

[boosaot]

Guess who finally kicked their ass into gear and it watching "Army of the Doomstar"

(vv Spoilers cuz I'm legit yapping about the whole movie vv)

LONG post warning

Dude Toki is looking ROUGH

How about we un-shift gears and mind our damn business

NAW Toki's lil sad noise after Skwis refused his hug :(

Nathan's goin thru it jeez- IN THE MEDICAL WARD CUZ OF PTSD DAMN

Intro got me groovin'

Am I crazy or did the quality of animation get a lot better?

Murderface,,, Time and Place dude,,

THEYRE LIKE CHILDREN IM HOLLERING WHY IS TOKI LICKING THE FUCKING PEW IM ACTUALLY TEARING UP HOLY SHIT

!!Get off of me don't touch Skwigsaar!!

Pickles exhausted mom core

What an entrance Nathan "Uhh-Hi. Sorry. I'm on Xanax"

SORRY WHAT- Xan, Red Wine AND COFFEE brother is OUT OF IT

"fuck off."

Charles,, brother,, this man is not hearing a WORD you just said

IM OGING TO THROW UP FROM LAUGHING TOO MUCH

Marriage wont fix your trauma bestie- NATHAN PLEASE STAND UP

TAKE A LAP AROUFN THE BLOCK THINK ABOUT IT I- EHERHAHA

Nathan is just embarrassing the both of them in front of EVERYONE

IM- "There's no way this day could get any worse" "Please Welcome Dr. Rockzo, The Rock n' Roll Clown"

Someone kill this fuck-ass clown PLEASE his ass is OUT OF TUNE

Someone grab another pair of noise canceling headphones STAT

BRO YOU ARENT EVEN USING THEM PASS 'EM OVER

This has got to be a wild sight for Nathan bro is out of it

Fire cum is a new one,,, thank you for that Murderface

that was a bit excessive,, (actually startled me ngl)

hehaahEHAHA KNUBBLER YOU FUCKING LOSER (affectionate) looks so goofy fallin down the stairs

lol Toki quickly taking his feet out at MF pissing in their water supply (either cuz MF is literally pissing in the water or he himself didn't know he was putting his feet in their water supply,, either way, cute)

"Fuckers will be dying and shit" so real babe

Their hair wavin' in the wind so pretty

Sister Sunshine Rainbow Marshmallow Toki realness

:( this just make me sad bruh poor Murderface :(

THE WAY THEY JUST LET PICKLES FALL ON THE GROUND

Knubbler's losing it,, man,, that was good food too

Awe Toki's lil cheering while Nathan's climb

OKAY Animation I see you (Drugs ftw I guess)

SHOWTIME BAEBEYY

The ANIMATION WRAAA I am eating it (it looks so good)

Well as good of a song as this is,,, I HIGHLY doubt its the right one,, judging from all the death,, and non-salvation happening

GET UR ASS UP BITCH HEY YOUY BLOND FUCK GET TF UP HEY

nah im sure hes fine but still WAKE UP BESTIE (konked tf out)

BRO- Murderface the poor dude wtf man,,

damn R.I.P Knubbler u were a real one

IS HE PLAYING THE GUITAR PASSED OUT I-

bro is looking scrumptious

wet cat skwisgaar pt.2

he looks so baby right here whatthefuck

There was no way to convey this scene through text that would do it justice so here (The lil "uh-ow what the fuck ow" HAD ME CACKLING)

*claps*

Nathan you queer (<3)

even just the intro to the song is so fucking good dude )the lil "bwow-u-woung" noise from the guitar mnyamnyamnyam saur good)

Pickles is going insane on the drums

Salacia how about you go suck a bag of dicks

I wheezed (me too buddy)

They're on some gay shit rn (good for them)

Thousand yard stare

awe Toki

SKWISGAAR YOU CUNT IM HEHEHAHEHEEHAH

AYY fat kid survived the cats good for him

Hip jut out ok sass

LETS GOOOOO

WHALE GOD MVP

fellas... (Skwisgaar so princess loser here)

Nathen realizing the fans are the Army of the Doomstar is so fuckign funny (his lil "Holy Shit"s r so funny)

awe proud dad smile

-

That was such a good movie,,, holy fuckin shit,,

"chirp"

[ahamkara-apologist]

Oh thank god now that Echoes is finally out I can talk about the Faith-Keeper loretab

First off: I'm not really sure who it is exactly, but we've got a Hidden agent listening in on a discussion between Eido and the Spider about Eramis. If I had to guess, this agent is likely Ikora, since Misraaks asked her to look after Eido at the end of the Lost in the Light quest post-FS campaign, but we don't really get any clarification here. In my heart its Ikora, though.

First off: I LOVE the callback to Eido's shitty datapad security from Season of Plunder. Remember when she was recording her audio logs and Eramis just dropped in unexpectedly to talk to her behind Misraaks's back? Looks like she hasn't fixed her security breach well enough to prevent others from doing the same. Which is deeply funny to me- babygirl, your father is a Splicer. His whole entire job is being a top tier hacker!! You need better security than that!!!

Eido babyyyy, I'm not sure why you think you can blackmail a crime lord, but I admire your efforts! I'm not really sure what Spider is doing here, maybe moving closer to her? Either way I love how his whole 'fake caring' shtick got immediately dropped to the side as soon as Eido laughed at him. You're not winning any uncle points here, Spider. The note about Eramis having been given up by everyone around her, however? This is both a good and a bad sign. Good because it means that the forces of Darkness that got her into this whole mess no longer give a fuck about her and aren't there to push her into poor decisions again, bad because Eramis is historically notorious for making terrible decisions when there's nobody around to influence her anyways. Given the fact that she was outright suicidal the last time we checked in on her and that means that we have a limited time frame to get Eido to soften her up before she starts putting her neck on the line again (which has me very nervously side-eyeing Revenant; I don't believe that she would want to join with Fikrul given her prior experiences with the Scorn, but it can also go either way if she's pushed. Eido could convince her to give her assistance to prevent him from spreading Dark Ether...or Fikrul could sway her to look away from what he's doing by promising to bring back Riis with the power of the Echo)

Not gonna lie, my first reaction when I read the 'staccato clicking' noises coming from Eido was 'DID SHE JUST PULL A FUCKING GUN ON HIM??', followed by wondering if she was threatening him in some way- then a friend pointed out she was likely crying, which made me go back to reread and realize that the wheezing noises were coming from her, not Spider (in my defense, he's a wheezy boi). So, yeah, she's crying. Poor sweet girl, I've been there before. I know that Misraaks set Spider on her to try to set her straight (which is deeply funny to me- he must be desperately worried for him to have Spider handle her, of all people), but, well...it's the Spider. He's a crime boss. 'Gentle' isn't in his nature

This does give me great hope for an Eramis redemption arc in the future, though. Compared to everyone else we've faced recently, Eramis hasn't even come close to the level of awful that the Witness has done, and she's outright helped us in several instances. There's no reason why we can't try to form an alliance with her- the main thing stopping us is because Eramis herself doesn't think that she's worthy of redemption. If we can barter with Savathun- whose desires are ultimately selfish even if they were momentarily aligned with our own- then we can certainly assist Eramis, especially if it means getting the remaining Houseless Eliksni off our back and in a safe, guardian-free refuge of their own (WITHOUT being tricked into being pawns of the Witness)

Also- absolutely love Eido's little speech here. Her insistence on clinging to optimism is probably what made Eramis see Eido as the guiding light for the future of the Eliksni people, and in a way, it's perfect to fit the Traveler's motif of forgiveness in the Light. Makes me wonder if the theory that Eido is the Kell of Kells may be hinted at here, since it's Eido alone of all other Eliksni who refuses to give up on a person's ability to change for the better. Even Misraaks can't do that, despite creating House Light and its open-door forgiveness policy.

I TOO WOULD LIKE GREATER CULTURAL CONTEXT ON ELIKSNI NON-VERBAL COMMUNICATION. I wonder who EKS-443 is- I would love to harass them for more information on what certain Eliksni vocalizations mean. I'm so starved for more worldbuilding on their biology and cultures, I'm hoping this is a sneak peak into what we might be getting in Revenant.

But also. Uh-oh bestie. The Vanguard should probably keep their claws out of this if they want diplomacy to succeed, because Eramis is not going to be happy if we stick our soft little monkey paws into Eliksni business again. We're going to have to back Eido up but let her do most of the talking/persuading, or shit can go south really fucking quickly- just like trying to pspsps a wary old ally cat into the safety of a home after years of extensive abuse. Waiting with bated breath to see how this turns out!

[st4rr-girrl]

Gang hcs with a crackhead! Reader

You alrdy know that Two-bit, soda, and Steve would love you sm

Like you match their energy and you’re fun asf to be around

Darry would love you, but you’d just be such a handful for him

Since he’s alrdy dealing with a whole group of depressed yet crazy kids lmfao

You’d probably hang out w two the most, cause he always has energy

Y’all tease tf out of each other

And it’s the funniest shit to the gang

They find y’all so amusing

You’ve almost gotten kicked out of multiple places due to disturbance lmfao

You’re always bouncing off the walls and other people think ur fuckin weird lmaoao

Not that you care though

But if someone makes fun of you in public and you’re right by them….

Uh-oh.

They’re in for a treat

They better sick down and buckle up lmaoo

You and two-bit would roast tf out of whoever made fun of you

And it’s actually so funny

Like I bet soda and Steve would be wheezing.

Anyways—

When you enter a room, you like to make it known that you’re there lmao.

You walked into a room that only Steve was in

“Hey Stevie-bear” you shouted when he was two feet away from you ☠️

He looked at you like “bitch wtf-“

“Don’t ever call me that again”

“Awhhh ur such a bully Stevie wevie”

You laughed— obnoxiously— before leaving to go annoy someone else.

And another time

“TWO-TWO BEAR!!” you saw two-bit outside with the rest of the gang

You ran up to him and jumped on his back and he almost toppled over in surprise lmao

“Omg hey guyysssss” you said, while the gang stared at you in shock lmao

They didn’t expect that

At all

You looked behind yourself.

“Fuck is y’all looking at??😭😭” ☠️☠️you made a fake cry voice

Two bit stood there like 🧍

Anyways it can be kinda hard for the gang to keep up w you sometimes but you make sure to slow down for them 🤷🏽‍♀️🤷🏽‍♀️

Cus y’all work together and stick together like a cute little family 🤭🤭

(Wrote this cause I am the crackhead friend lmaoaka)