#man it's honestly so weird to be streaming again after 5 years

[cosmiostar]

So it's been a long time but I figure I might as well update my Tumblr as well but I've started properly streaming! I'm still in the process of drawing my PNGtuber models, but you can find me on Twitch as Kay Astra.

I don't have a set streaming schedule since I'm trying to balance two different jobs and other obligations, but I'm currently on the road to Affiliate! No one's obligated to follow, but if you have the time, please stop by and say hi!

I'll likely make a separate Tumblr page in the future for streaming, so keep an eye out for that if you're interested!

[dzpenumbra]

4/2/23

I got lost in time watching an RP stream again. Night got away from me. I spent pretty much the entire day working on the desire path project in Blender. It's actually coming along pretty nicely. I think it's going to end up looking very close to how I was envisioning, and there's a LOT of room to customize the animations. I was thinking of having the paths themselves independently randomly flicker, like they're electric. I'm curious to see how it looks with 100 of them. I got about 30 done today.

The big standout of the day was... I went for a walk up to the pharmacy. It was about 70 degrees out. I put on my hoodie and my sunglasses and popped in my AirPods and walked the full mile uphill the entire way up to the pharmacy to find... it... closed. I have no idea why. Is April Fool's Day a fucking holiday now? Am I in fucking Bizarro Universe or something? The website said it was open until 8 and the pharmacy was open until 6, I got there around 5:30. And the whole place was closed and the parking lot was empty, and I was sweating and my shins were killing me. It was really frustrating.

When I was walking up... I came across some people that were... yeah. I mean... I don't know how to put this lightly as a person who has lived in a more rural area for like 20 years. People who made me feel... unsafe. And... in my reflection on it... I don't know if I'm just not being fair? But it was pretty overwhelming today. One guy was like... twitching as he walked, I'm guessing either tweaking or a neurological issue or something. I felt bad, I didn't want to judge. But I averted eye contact and kept a bit of a distance. I just felt like... like I was not in a good neighborhood, and I could get mugged. Again, maybe it's the AirPods that make me feel that way. I know the electric board did.

Maybe it's being alone? I think that's honestly probably a really big factor. But I did have an interesting moment, where I really felt a bit silly... I walked past two teenage girls that were just strolling down the sidewalk past me. And I was just like... these two girls are completely fine walking down here, and I'm freaking out that I'm going to get jumped on this sidewalk of a main fucking road.

And then I had a mirror-moment internally, where I was like... I'm walking up the street, with my hands in my hoodie pockets, wearing all black with sunglasses on, mid-30's male with a full beard. Am I not also one of the sketchy ones? XD Like... would I sketch out those girls?

After finding out the pharmacy was closed - some guy driving into the parking lot yelled to me to let me know, which was chill - I sat on some rocks to recover my leg strength. There was a highschool age girl alone on a bench nearby. And I was going through that whole reflection thing. Am I weirding her out being here? How is she so calm and cool with this, doesn't this feel unsafe for her?

It's hard to think of how I'm going to be functional alone in a city environment with this factor the way it is. It explains a lot.

So I might need to like... remind myself... I'm a bearded man wearing sunglasses and all black and a metal band t-shirt. And there's two teenage girls like a block ahead of me. We're on a busy main road in the middle of the day on a weekend. Why am I convinced I am the one getting robbed in this scenario?

It was at the point where I didn't want to walk on the side of the road that a convenience store was on over in that direction, because it looked like a kinda... rougher neighborhood convenience store.

So, to give myself a little slack here, let's open this up a bit. If something were to happen to me... no one would know and no one would care, really. I would take the L, give them what they want, probably my phone and headphones. I'd lose all my pictures, because apple wanted to get some extra cash out of me to store it digitally, and I didn't shell it out. The headphones, I care a bit less about. They're very nice, very helpful, very useful and practical, but not essential. And yeah, maybe my debit card or something. I'd go right home, go into crisis management with my card, and message my therapist on Betterhelp. And... that's probably it. I'd probably just order a new phone, take the loss and just... live without a phone for a few days. Which... is not the end of the world, I really don't use it a lot and the screen is cracked. And then... I'm good.

And that's the worst case scenario. Why the hell am I going to let that ruin a nice day? Why am I going to let that consume me?

Maybe it's just part of my... losing streak. I'm really just... looking around to see where the next loss is going to come from. Is it going to be my computer shitting the bed? Is my neighbor going to burst a pipe or something and water is going to leak through my ceiling and fuck up my shit? Am I going to find out that this twitching left eye for like 3-4 weeks straight wasn't stress and sleep deprivation, but actually a brain tumor? Am I going to finally get a date on one of the two apps that I literally never get matches on, and that person is going to be another manipulative trauma case that just unloads all their shit on me because I'm super supportive and nice and I listen, drain me dry and then peace out? Or worse, stay?

I'm not worried about something bad happening, I'm convinced something bad is going to happen and I'm just trying to identify what and where. And it's really hard to like... live a calm, peaceful, happy life like that.

Meanwhile, I see happy people walking on the street without a care in the world. This shit is all normal to them. They don't feel the fear like I do. It's really frustrating.

And the crazy part? I'm the least fearful one in my family. The most adventurous, the most risk-taking. And I can barely walk a mile up the road without going into survival mode.

Welp. I've been through a lot. I've seen a lot of dark shit, you know? And once that shit starts to get... real... It gets bigger. At least for me. I think it's just part of being fully emotionally in-touch. Like... I should be afraid of criminals and people who radiate bad vibes. I should be cautious. But it's so fucking visceral. That polyvagal element, you know? Maybe it's partly because of social isolation? Naw, honestly, I remember riding the subway in NYC back in... 2009? 2010? My ex and I went to the MoMA together - we went on a trip together, just the two of us, we went to where I grew up and then visited NYC proper, we saw the Tim Burton exhibit that was in the MoMA at the time. I was super overwhelmed any time we were in big groups of people. I remember being in the subway and it was just like... like that dream I had with the tigers climbing all over me, smothering me, trying to play. I have no idea how people can just... calmly be in that environment. The only times I have ever been even close was when I was on heavy doses of benzos and antidepressants. And then guess what happened? Ended up hanging out with predators and not giving a shit. Big surprise...

I don't know how to balance this, honestly. I miss nature. I feel so much more comfortable being around birds of prey and deer and foxes and snapping turtles than around fucking people.

Ugh, I'm not going to figure this out tonight. It's just upsetting, and it's something I'm just going to have to deal with regularly. And I guess today was just an especially difficult day.

Oh, and to top it off... I saw another No Skateboarding ($150 fine) sign... And it was right in the middle of the park where I was skating all winter. So... putting two-and-two together... Cops saw me skating there all winter, did not do a thing about it. Snowskates are not skateboards. But, technically, they could make a case that I was breaking the law there. If they wanted to. But they didn't. So... I think that's worth keeping in mind? My initial reaction was "oh for fuck's sake..." but my secondary reaction was, "well, I skated all winter there and no one said a damn thing, they had plenty of opportunities..." So yeah, just being real with myself here, I think the cops have bigger concerns than some guy in his mid-30's jumping around on a weird snowboard thing in the park by himself.

But... I want to round this out with good vibes, as always. I got out and got fresh air. It was a nice day. The view walking back down the hill was very pretty, seeing the river and all the old historic buildings and everything. I got a lot of exercise. I got a lot of work done on my desire path project, it's going to look way cooler than it did before so the extra work is paying off. And I made another pretty kickass chicken fried rice tonight, so that was nice.

[peppertaemint]

Shawol twitter is gonna make me lose my mind. If I see the word overworked in regards to Taemin one more time before he even comes back and has anything actually officially announced I'm gonna come off private and start cussing😭

This is a grown man with almost 15 years in the business who can make his own choices. He wouldn't have agreed to Superm if he didn't want to do it. And ffs, this man has been working a regular 9-5 for the past year and the people talking about how he needs rest when he comes back? He's probably climbing the walls waiting to get back to what he loves to do. This is a man who has in the past said he wouldn't love anything but being an idol, who has said he doesn't want rest.

He probably can't wait to be busy af doing the thing he loves to do after almost two years.

I swear some of these people claim to be his fans and it's like they don't actually know anything about him?

They keep going on about how he was before his enlistment, but that was literally right before his enlistment? He had a deadline looming for something that he not only didn't want to do, but was actively anxious about doing that was gonna take him away from what he loved. Of course he wasnt doing so well, and tried to squeeze as much as he could in before he had to go.

It honestly seems like some of these shawols just don't want him to come back, but they're hiding it behind "concern" and the other ones want him back but only if he does the things that they think he should be doing because he's too stupid to decide for himself.

It's so frustrating, and it's even coming from people I used to think were chill and level headed. Like, they can just say theyd prefer shinee some come back first cause they like them better? It doesn't have to be some big issue about overworking or being forced to do something or whatever.

Anyway, I just had to rant it out. I used to get so frustrated about armys but now I'm seeing a side to shawol twitter that is similarly irritating.

Hi Anon... welp. I’m with you on this. There’s a clusterfuck happening right now as SuperM, Taemin, and SHINee fans all selfishly argue about what they want in 2023. And I agree — it’s giving shades of army, and it’s not pretty. I mean, its giving split the man in three and everyone take a piece vibes. Add in the “what’s your shawol ick” meme going around, and it’s certainly time to log out.

The people who are worried about overwork when he’s done nothing are people who don’t understand what it’s like to do something you love. I’m sorry to be so blunt, but if they understood they wouldn’t have anything to say beyond rooting for him. I used to travel substantially for work, and it was incredibly taxing going from country to country to do my thing. The jet lag alone kills you. If someone took that away from me before I was ready to hang up my passport, I would have been beside myself. Like you say, he’s been doing a 9 to 5 for over a year now, and by all accounts he’s healthier and doing well. So, why are we assuming he’s not rested and raring to go?

The other thing that is giving me pause is how people are rushing to think the D-100 is the discharge date and not the date we’ll see him again in some capacity. It makes much more sense for him to get back to work and have a date set as to when he’ll use social media again. This is Taemin. He’s gonna do something weird or grand or god knows what. Everyone thinks he’s going to discharge and turn on IG Live or something immediately, but I just don’t think that’s what will be happening. I think everything will be planned out, as much for him as it is for the fans. If I’m wrong I’m wrong, but I somehow can’t see him switching on a live stream at home to greet everyone... I think it will be more formal and supportive work environment situation, if that makes sense.

How he was before enlistment ties into the above but also exactly the point you made before. He had a longstanding condition that was exacerbated by a huge change in lifestyle and profession. Finally, he’s already returned home and will be returning to work. Those are not the problem things from my limited, basic human perspective. The other thing kinda grating on me as someone with chronic illness is like people wanting to police what he does. Only he gets to decide what’s right for him. Just because fans could see he was unwell at times that doesn’t mean he should throw in the towel and do one comeback a year. Or that he needs babying or for people people to doubt his capabilities (which is what this comes off like). People need to check their own discomfort at someone else’s challenges and abilities. They’re not your challenges.

Back to the first point, though: what fans want most. I’ve actually seen a lots of shawols just blatantly saying they don’t want a solo or SuperM comeback first, which I find pointless. Personally, I think no one gets to choose but SM (probably not even TM as it’s down to timing and we need to consider Kai’s enlistment etc) so what point is there in having a tantrum? I’d like him to come back as a solo first, and I’m huge SHINee fan, but it doesn’t matter. After almost two years, I will be happy about whatever comes (I mean, if the music sucks I’ll say so but I’ll still enjoy cursed content LOL).

All of this is irritating, but the good thing with shawols/Taemints is that things usually blow over quickly and quiet down because of the behaviour standards. I don’t find it incessant, and luckily there are plenty of people keeping quiet or reminding others not to be so stupid. On another front, though, I’ve already noticed even the shippers are getting a little loud, and I predict with the MinKeyers taking cues from TaeKookers, there might be some nasty moments ahead. Most 2Minners are quiet or on private, but there is one who is just well, a bit loud and out there with a lot of followers, and I’ve already seen them shading other ships, especially MinKeyers. And I get it to an extent; some of the things they say are not okay but it’s the blatant shade that gets me. They are young, and I hate to say it but a lot (but not all) of these negative behaviours do come from younger fans, especially those hopping fandoms because they bring the behaviours with them instead of acclimating to the fandom’s values/standards.

[darksuna]

🤍toxic

pairing: Suna x fem!reader

warnings: physical/verbal abuse, non-con, !R*PE!, kinda housewife relationship, sexist suna, mentions of forced marriage, misogynist suna, unprotected sex, (lmk if you find more!)

also be aware of: grammar and spelling errors. (mane, i got tired of this story. I wrote this on 3 different days)

Never in a million years would you’ve thought, you’d find yourself in this position; his heavy body covering your small form, his large hand muffling your desperate cries for help, while his other hand tightly locks your small writs above your head.

this’ gonna leave bruises you thought, but that of course was your smallest problem right now.

Nervously looking at the clock above the doorframe, you’re waiting for the sound of keys to chime. Today is the day. Today is the day, you’d finally gain your freedom and independence back, which you lost two years ago, after agreeing to date this man.

If you could erase one of your past mistakes it would be becoming Rintarō Sunas girlfriend, a decision, that turned your life to living hell.

The thought of being college sweathearts with an successful professional middle blocker might’ve sounded enviable at first, but the longer you’ve been with him, it was all the more doomed for you. The laid-back, funny and caring boyfriend turned into a moody, manipulative and unfaithful tyrant.

The worse part was your upcoming marriage your parents and you have arranged to uplift his career and seal the bond of your love , like your mother said. But of course you knew she was just after his money.

5 more minutes.

You play with the handle of your small suitcase as you desperately try to calm yourself down, your heart beating faster with every passing second.

Fuck. Should you really do this? Maybe you should just give up and live your life like you did before. As long as you behaved, Suna wasn’t too bad anyway.

,,Get your act together!‘‘, you mumble to yourself, as you light slap yourself in the face. You‘ve been planning this for the longest now, there is no going back!

Suddenly you hear keys rumbling on the door and the light in the hallways turn on. Wiping your sweaty palms on your thigh highs, you almost faint due to your anxiety.

As his footsteps get closer, you feel your head spinning. The dizziness making it hard to keep your composure.

,,Y/N?“, it chimed before a brown haired man enters the living room. His lazy hazel eyes mustering your anxious form sitting on the cold leather couch.

,,What‘s up with all that?“, Suna asks with his always bored voice, pointing at your luggage.

,,Hello Rin. I- I got something to tell you“, you stumble as confident as possible, tapping the free space on the couch, implying for him to sit next to you.

,,Can’t that wait? I‘m tired and fucking hungry. Those fucking sponsors talk way too much“, he groans annoyed, walking straight to your shared bedroom not paying you any mind.

Confused you twist your torso, to follow his actions with your eyes.

,,But Rin I-“

,,You still didn’t tell me why you got all them suitcases. Did you book a surprise vacation again? I already told you, vacation this time around is rather counterproductive.“, he cuts you off, casually taking off his tie as he looks at his tall form in the mirror. ,,Why don’t you ever listen?“, he sighs.

Standing in the doorframe, you nervously play with the hem of your skirt.

,,Rin, vacations are not what I wanted to talk about“, you mumble. Suna throws a quick questioning look at you, before looking back in the mirror. You take his silence as a sign to continue.

,,I‘m leaving.“

Raising an eyebrow at himself, Suna takes off his suit jacket and throws it on the bed, his shirt and pants following soon after.

,,Leaving where? To the supermarket?“, he asks ironically. He turns around, facing you but you immediately lower your gaze.

,,Don’t act like you’ve never seen this before. Why are you so weird today?“, he asks again, his voice filled with serious confusion and annoyance.

,,Rintarō, I‘m leaving you. For good. I just don’t think I can do this anymore“, you start anxiously waiting for an reaction, but nothing comes. ,,What we‘re doing isn’t good for neither you nor me. W-we‘re ruining the both of us and I just think..- I think it‘s time for us to set our li-“

,,Did you cook already? I‘m hungrier than a motherfucker.“ And again. He cut you off mid sentence again. Suna always does his, whenever he gets tired of your voice or as he says ,thinks you‘ve talked more than a woman should for the day‘.

,,What‘re you standing there for? Put my stuff back and prepare my dinner”, he demands, pushing you aside as he walkes back to the living room.

,,Also put those fucking bags away and go get me some sweatpants, stupid.” With a ,tch’ noise, Suna gave you one last despising gaze. With that, the conversation was over for him, but you couldn’t just give up, now that you’ve told him how you really feel.

,,See, this is why I wanna leave your raunchy ass!”, you yell, clenching your fists in anger. Suna stops his actions, replaying your words in his head.

,,The fuck did you just say?”

,,You heard me right, Rin! I’m so tired of the way you treat me! You’re always rude and mean to me. It’s like you despise me! Also you always come home late at night, acting like I don’t know you’re fucking, I don’t know how many bitches, outside and if you ever come home like today, all I get is you pushing me around like your fucking house slave! I’m tired of this Rintarō. I can’t do this no more!” Your breath is uneven by the end of your outburst.

As you realize what you’ve just said panic starts to take in the space of the previous anger. Suna was way too calm for your liking and that only means no good.

,,O my god, I-I’m sorry Rin! I didn’t mean what I just said, honestly!”, you stumble worried as you step forward and gently place your cold fingers on his warm biceps. You know the damage was already done, when you felt his large hand around your small neck, cutting off your air supply.

Your big eyes stare at his insane looking ones as his face is so close to yours, not even a sheet of paper could fit between you.

,,So that’s what you’ve been thinking about me, you ungrateful little slut, huh?“, Suna whispers threatening. ,,After all I‘ve done for you, letting you stay in this expensive ass penthouse, paying for your fucking slutty clothes“, he continues through gritted teeth, throwing your weak body on the floor.

Suddenly you feel his fist colliding with your face, a penetrating beep sound sabotaging your hearing.

,,Fuck, I‘m paying all your fucking bills and you wanna complain about me expecting food by the end of the fucking day?“, he hisses fake laughing as his hard fists constantly hit your small form.

,,Rin, please stop!“, you beg, scrunched up in a ball to protect your body as tears are forming in your eyes but those aren’t tears of pain. These are tears or utter shock. Rin was indeed moody and verbally abusive sometimes, but he never went as far as hitting you. Never.

Abruptly he stops, wiping under his nose with his fist. You lurk up from between your hands as you see him kneel over you, mustering your body.

,,You wanna know something?“, he mumbles absent. ,,You were right, I‘ve been fucking other bitches. You just became too prudish and all these easy cunts were just waiting to be fucked by me.“

His rough hand strokes the free space between your thigh highs and your panties. Confused you pull your eyebrows together, lightly flinching away.

,,But damn, I forgot how hot you actually are.“ His hungry hazel eyes pierce through yours. A cold shiver runs down your spine as you realize his intimation, but before you can react his greedy hands grab your thighs, pulling you towards him.

,,No, Rin! What are you doing?“, you ask scared.

,,Didn’t you just complain about me fucking other bitches?“, he repeats your words from earlier, ripping your panties apart.

You try to push his hands off of you, but he angrily grabs your wrists and pins them above your head. Again his flat palm collides with your soft cheek, leaving a stinging feeling on it. You gasp in shock.

,,Stop fighting, fucking whore“, he curses pulling his boxers down. ,,I‘m just giving you what you wanted.”

,,Rintarō, you don’t have to do this! I‘m sorry! I-I‘m so sorry but please-", you plead desperat. Tears are streaming down your face as you feel him adjusting yourself in front of you entrance. You try to press your thighs together, but Suna simply rips them apart with ease.

,,You asked for it, and you shall receive“, he hums before thrusting inside of you. A pained scream escapes your throat. His length stretching your dry insides to an painful degree.

,,Shut the hell up. I don’t need them nosy neighbors to knock on my fucking door“, he demands with a cold voice.

,,Rintarō, it hurts! Please stop“, you continue your pleas through tears but Suna continues his angry thrusts. He rolls on top of you, taking your abilities to squirm for freedom underneath hin.

,,You dumb slut, didn’t I tell you to shut that dirty mouth of yours?“, he asks irritated, slapping his large hand over your mouth.

,,Can’t stand your fucking voice“, he groans annoyed.

His thrusts are hard and steady, his cock continuously knocking at your cervix. You shake your head under his head as the amount of pain, physically and mentally, rises to an almost unbearable degree.

,,Keep acting like that and I‘ll fuck the shit outta you all night“, he threatens, his lazy eyes looking at yours so dangerously, you know he is serious.

His words weren’t even necessary to stop you from trying, your motivation to fight leaving sooner than you thought.

Grunting and moaning Suna rocks his hips into your tight cunt, enjoying every second of his power over you.

,,Look how cute you are, when you actually shut the fuck up. Dumb whore, who do you think you are?“, he asks. ,,Yelling at me, calling me raunchy,“ he chuckles outraged, ,,cursing up a strom and complaining about being my little house wife.“

,,You‘re a useless woman, only existing for male pleasure and wellbeing. A stupid fucktoy, a bimbo you are“, he mutters, his thrust becoming harder with each word.

Suna squeezes your cheeks, pouting your lips.

,,You understand that, you bitch? You’re mine. You belong to me and you’ll never leave me. Know your fucking place, whore!“ He throws your weak head back, your hope for help long gone.

,,Answer!“ He yells with a hard thrust.

,,Y-yes, I understand“, you pant, silent tears rolling down your temples.

,,Hm, good girl. Such a good little bitch for me.“

You stare at the ceiling counting the remaining thrusts until Suna shoots his load in you with a loud groan. He pulls his cock out of you used cunt, adjusting himself in his boxers.

,,Yo, I‘m still hungry. I want to see food on the table after I‘m done showering“, he demands as he‘s standing up.

,,And clean yourself up. You look fucking disgusting“, he mutters despicable, leaving you undone, his sticky liquids running down your bruised thighs and the sensation of his rough touches still on your body.

Maybe, just maybe, you should’ve changed your mind, before he came home.

© all rights belong to darksuna. do not copy or modify.

[thisisgonnafuxkinkillme]

POV: You Got Wayyy Too High

Warnings: Drug use (weed lol)

Aizawa Shouta/ Eraserhead

“Hey, what are you doing?” asked Aizawa as he plopped his bag at the door. You were trying to smoke weed from a pipe, but instead of lighting the actual herb, you were trying to heat it up from the bottom of the pipe.

You’d never smoked weed, but wanted to try it and bought the supplies from a local smoke shop, as well as buying some good stuff from your friend.

Unfortunetly, you also didn’t bother to look up how to actually use a pipe, instead just relying on knowledge you gained from drug documentaries.

This meant that you only knew how people heated up heroin with a flame under the spoon, which meant that surely you could do the same with weed.

“No, no, no, no. Stop that,” he ordered. You were his age, but nonetheless still buckled under his stern tone.

“Look, do you need me to show you how to do it?” he asked, gently taking the glass pipe from your hand. You nodded.

“Watch carefully,” he ordered, as he properly lit up the herb as he inhaled the smoke. He then passed it to you, watching you carefully to make sure you were doing it right. Soon, you got the hang of it.

Even sooner, though, you were a coughing mess.

“Calm it down, there. Don’t take huge puffs. You’re not impressing anyone here, y/n,” he scolded, taking another puff. He did it effortlessly, as if he’d done it for years. (He has.)

You wanted to impress him, though, even though he seemed to not care what you did. You just wanted to prove to him that you were ~cool~.

Well, this ended up in you looking very... uncool.

While Aizawa was chilling with a pretty decent high, you were laid across the bed, starfish style, blasting music in your ears. You were honestly vibing though, so Aizawa didn’t mess with you. For now.

The next day, he definitely teased you a little bit about how totally out of it you were, and how you listened to the same song on loop for 3 hours.

“How did you know that?” You asked, cocking a brow.

“Uh, because your headphones weren’t plugged in?”

Yagi Toshinori/ All Might

He was smoking when you came home, and though he tried to hide it, you smelled it. He acted as if he was just caught as a 17 year old in his mom’s house.

“Uh, no, it’s nothing! I...I don’t do anything like that!” He insisted.

“Toshi, come on. I can smell it,” you smiled. He covered his face.

“Please, please, keep this between you and I...I only do it because it helps with the pain and-”

You cut him off, “ I dont care why you do it, just lemme have some already!” 

Of course, you were just teasing him, and he knew that, but he couldn’t help but ask, “...You smoke?”

You shook your head playfully.

“If you’ll let me, I’d like to try some, though!” 

He passed it to you, and you took a way-too-long drag. Instantly, you were doubled over, coughing and hacking your lungs out. 

He patted your back firmly.

“Since this is your first time, you’re gonna cough a little. Just try to take smaller puffs and take deep breaths. There you go.”

Once you recovered, and Yagi got his turn, he handed the joint back to you. It continued to be passed back and forth between you two until it was finally no longer than a centimeter. 

For a moment, you both just chilled out on the couch together, just vibing. That was until Toshinori noticed your goofy, dreamy facial expression. He chuckled to himself, but that was all you needed to become hysterical, laughing so hard that you couldn’t breathe. Seeing you laugh so much of course made Toshi a mess as well, which only added to your decent into utter madness.

Eventually, though, you both calmed down, and Toshi excused himself so that he could go take a quick bath. He often did this whenever he smoked, so that the warm water could aid even more in soothing his aching muscles and creaky bones.

So you were left alone. Totally unattended. At first, everything was totally fine.

However, as you started to actually feel the effects of the herb, you began to panic.

Is this normal? Does everyone else feel like this when they smoke? Oh God, this isn’t right...oh fuck, I’m gonna be the first dumbass to OD on THC...fuck...

Thoughts whizzed past your brain, every single one making sure you knew how totally fucked you were.

Tears streamed silently down your cheeks as you counted your pulse with two fingers on your wrist, but you coulnd’t find a pulse.

oh fuck...i’m probably going to pass out any minute now...it’s all over...

Images of your final goodbyes to everyone you loved flashed just behind your eyes.

“How’re you holding up, pumpkin?” asked Toshi, coming back from the bath, in a robe and his golden hair still damp.

You looked at him, your eyes red and puffy.

“Toshi...I’m...I’m dying...I love you, okay?” you murmured. He would have laughed, all except he saw the genuine fear in your eyes. 

He sat down next to you, surrounding you with all of his lanky limbs. 

“You’re not dying, honey. What you’re feeling right now is totally normal, I promise. Take some nice, deep breaths for me. Come on. There you go. Good.”

He cradled you there for a good while, until he felt your tense muscles finally slacken, and your breathing evened out.

Toshi made a mental note to never let you smoke that much ever again, guilt pinching at his sides.

Fatgum/Taishiro Toyomitsu

You had taken an edible cookie from your friend. She told you it was just a small bit in there, just enough for you to feel something.

You decided to be modest, eating just half of the cookie. You didn’t notice any effects, and out of sheer boredom you decided to go ahead and eat the rest of it. No harm in that, right?

Well, an hour later, it kicked in. You were expecting to feel something interesting, but you definately weren’t expecting anything like this at all. 

Everything seemed so far away. Even your breathing sounded like it was coming down a long corridor and echoing to your ears. You could feel your soul swimming in your body. 

Fatgum, who you lived with, luckily finished his hero duties early, and walked into the house joyfully as usual.  He called out your name. You didn’t reply.

His large footsteps could be heard, but you were too busy thinking about how weird breathing sounds to notice. 

Fatgum soon found you collapsed on the bathroom floor, face pressed against the cool tile.

Immediately, he propped you up against the wall, looking into your eyes with great concern.

“What did you take? Y/n, look at me. What did you take?” 

You lazily looked at him, your face completely serious. As serious as it could be, anyway.

“...i...it was...edible...” you mumbled out. As soon as he understood, he was laughing hysterically.

“s..stop...s not funny...” you grumbled, punching him in the gut. 

“Alright, alright... let’s get you into bed. You’ll feel much better once you wake up,” he smiled, picking you up and bringing you into the bedroom. 

You quickly were comforted by the warm, heavy comforter. Fatgum took a moment to look at you in your groggy state, trying his best to hold back a laugh. It was so painfully obvious that you’d never done anything like this in your life. His only regret was not being around to witness your ascent into cloud 9.

Soon, though, you had drifted into dreamland.

Hizashi Yamada

You locked yourself in your bathroom, sneakily lighting up the joint you bought off of your friend. Your boyfriend was in his room, playing Fortnite or some shit, and frankly, you were embarrassed to smoke in front of him. You knew that he’d definately find something to roast you about, and he was relentless.

A couple minutes after you lit up, though, the door was basically busted down.

“HEY, HEY! You better be planning on sharing some of that!” yelled Hizashi, his hand already out and waiting. He still had his headset on, but you saw with relief that his mic was turned off. You passed it to him.

“Augh! Where the hell didja get this weak shit, y/n? Nah, this ain’t gonna cut it,” he complained, putting it out. 

“Hey! I got that from my friend, dude! What the hell?” you frowned. Before you could be too mad at the waste, though, Hizashi pulled out a small wooden box from under his bed. Opening it, he revealed his stash of entirely too much pot.

You covered your mouth, stifiling a laugh. How the fuck could you have not smelled it? 

Within five minutes, he’d rolled up a blunt, and was passing it to you, already lit. 

It was gone after a little over half an hour, and you could already feel the effects. Your eyes were dry, your stomach craving junk food, and your brain craving chill vibes.

He returned to his game, unbothered but his volume definately toned down about 5 notches. He was a lot more chill than you’d ever seen him act, ever.

You found your way into the kitchen.

Once his game was over, he met you in there. You were in front of the fridge, pulling out thing after thing. By the time he’d gotten to you, you had eaten half a jar of pickles, three pieces of cake (with your bare hands), drank a bunch of soda, and you were headed for the chips that were sitting idly on the top of the fridge.

“oh, God...what the fuck are ya up to, dude?” he groaned. He did not want to deal with this mess.

You grinned at him.  “I dunno, maan... look dude could you just get me these up here? please bro...” you giggled. He sighed dramatically, taking them.

However, instead of handing them over to you, with your dirty little fingers, he ate them.

“stoppp, bro, please lemme get some!” you pouted. He acted as if he couldn’t hear you, leaving the kitchen. You followed after him, kicking him in the shins. 

Still, he didn’t seem to notice.

“Hizashi, come on, maaannnn!” 

He laid himself on the bed, covering himself with blankets. He pulled out his phone, calling you.  “Y/n, I miss you so much, man. Come chill out!” he spoke into the phone, trying his best not to break the act. You were absolutely furious at this point, punching at him.

“I’m right here, you doughnut!!” you groaned.  Dramatically sighing, Hizashi frowned, “I really wish y/n was here to sesh with me...” all while still eating the chips. You jumped on top of him. 

Finally, you caught him off gaurd, grabbed the chips, and locked yourself back up in the bathroom. 

This time, though, he just left you be. 

[the-redeemed-anon]

Quick thoughts on last night’s stream because oh boi

As the title says, it’s quick thoughts, it may not be everything of importance, or hell, just things I noticed, but that stream proves what I like to keep saying: Wilbur is one hell of a complex character, god damn.

1. Wilbur being as confusing as possible

Like, that happened, and it left a lot of people very confused, including Tommy at some points. This is a good time to remember that my guy was stuck in Limbo for 13 years with little to no stimuli and he seems to think a lot of time passed in the overworld too. He has to play catch-up and if Tommy’s ressurection is any hint, getting revived kinda leaves you with a bit of a scrambled mind, and add to that the fact that Wilbur was mentally ill when he died. I honestly don’t think Wilbur has made his mind up on some things, and he’s letting that slip up to the surface.

2. Wilbur and his vow of not lying

It may just be me, but when someone tells me they took a vow of not lying, I don’t believe them. Especially a character like Wilbur, man. And even if he say he’s not lying, that doesn’t mean what he is saying is the truthTM, as in, the objective truth, or that he doesn’t have mixed opinions. It’s literally what he thinks is true at that point, and opinions can change. And if he’s conflicted, he could say what he would want himself to fully believe, you know, in a case of “if I say it outloud maybe I’ll start fully believing it”. Basically, take what he says with a grain of salt, like anything any other character says.

3. Wilbur and his opinion on Dream

So, we know that Wilbur would have killed Dream for what he did to Tommy in Exile, yet Wilbur considers him a hero. That confused me too, until I remembered something very specific about Wilbur: Wilbur self-antagonises and he has a very meta way of looking at his existence.

So, he just told Tommy that his urge would’ve been to kill Dream slowly and painfully because of Exile. Considering what we know of Wilbur from his previous shot at life and how he was never someone who liked direct violence, being a long range weapon guy, saying that is huge and shows just how much he disagrees with what Dream did. Then he calls him a hero. In my mind, this rung some familiar bells: “Am I a villain, in this story?“And it echoed when he mentioned how Dream kept his throne warm.

Wilbur had a very meta way of looking at his own reality, which doesn’t seem weird at first, because we ourselves use words like “villain“, “hero“ and literary devices to talk about these characters... but that’s the thing. We use these words because they are characters. Very few people, in the real world, would use reasons such as Chekhov’s Gun to justify something they did, which is why it’s weird that Wilbur had a tendency to talk about literary devices and how he is a villain. It almost breaches the 4th wall, and it’s something that you can’t ignore once you’ve noticed this.

What does that make of Dream being the hero? Well, if someone wants to harm the hero, traditionally, they are the villain, aren’t they? So, indirectly, Wilbur seems to call himself a villain, which would go hand in hand with previous thoughts where he implied he knows he’s evil. It’s such a subtle way for him to cloak his self-loathing and self-hatred.

Also, Exile yet again is shown as something vile that happened to Tommy, and the severity of it is apparent by Wilbur’s decision that he would have killed Dream on the spot for it.

4. Wilbur and L’Manberg

Wilbur claiming he didn’t care about L’Manberg (the physicality of it) has be in doubt because right after, when he and Tommy talk about rebuilding the CH, Wilbur quietly says [“Oh, if only they could have done that for L'Manberg, ay?” - (Wilbur’s resurrected gentleman of L'manburg: 40:45, 5th May)]

During the Season 2 Finale, he said something that has rubbed me as peculiar since I heard it: [”Oh! Let’s start L’Manberg, oh! How is L’Manberg, how is L’Manberg by the way?” - (Tubbo’s Getting The Disks Back: 1:40:30, 20th Jan)] It’s as if... As if he always expected L’Manberg to be rebuilt, no matter what he did. He seems to be conflicted in the present that L’Manberg is truly gone, or, at least for me it seems like that. Here he is, 13 years later, and yeah, it’s gone. A big part of his previous identity, left to die and rot. Wilbur had a habit of masking his true feelings and vulnerabilities, and I think L’Manberg is one of them. It’s an interesting discrepancy.

Also, there is this quote: [“Holy shit. Phil, this is amazing- Did you build this, Phil? … Phil, what the hell, why didn’t we have you during L'Manberg time?! This is brilliant!” - (Wilbur’s resurrected gentleman of L'manburg: 46:12, 5th May)] which just shows that he did care about the physical place, at least from an aesthetic angle.

5. Wilbur and Friend

Let’s look at these quotes, this is from when Friend was still alive: [“Why? He’s gonna come with us. And? It’s a sheep, Tommy. Who cares about- No, I’m just saying who cares about a sheep, man, it’s just a sheep. Just, come. What, it’s just a sheep, my man. Just walk with the sheep.” - (Wilbur’s resurrected gentleman of L'manburg: 7:00, 5th May)] But then later, when going to Techno’s and Phil’s, he says this: [“Oh my god, I remember this! I remember this place, I have memories here! This where the sheep- Friend- This is where they found- where Ghostbur found Friend! I, I remember him finding him here!” - (Wilbur’s resurrected gentleman of L'manburg: 45:44, 5th May)] and when Tommy tells him Friend’s dead, he says: [“I thought he had infinite canon lives.” - (Wilbur’s resurrected gentleman of L'manburg: 46:00, 5th May)]

You can’t tell me he didn’t care at least a bit about Friend. Why would he get excited over the memory where Ghostbur found Friend if he didn’t really care about him and he was just a sheep. As for him not caring about the possibility of Friend dying? Remember, he went to hell for 13 years, so that must have changed his perspective on the act of dying or even pain. Plus, my guy just admitted he thought Friend could respawn forever. I don’t think he took Tommy’s warnings as a “hey, Friend can die for good if you’re not careful“, and more like “Friend can get hurt and respawn if you’re not careful“.

6. Wilbur saying he won

[“Look at me. No matter what happens, no matter what goes down, today, tomorrow, next week, the week after, the week after next, the fact that I’m alive means that anything that happens along this line, I’ve won. I’ve already won. I won when I pressed that button. You could spar me as many times as you want for your own personal victories, but in the grand scheme of things I’ve already won. And I think, from your silence, you already know that.” - (Wilbur’s resurrected gentleman of L'manburg: 41:59, 5th May)]

All I am gonna say is that if you have to say you won something, chances are, you need to hear yourself to hear that. Also, it’s so interesting that we have a contrasting quote for this one:

[“History is written by the winners.” (Ghostbur)

“Yeah, and he, he technically won. I mean, he did what he wanted to.” (Ranboo)

“But then he lost and everyone hates him.” (Ghostbur) - (Ranboo’s Preparation: 13:55, 14th Mar)]

7. Misc., aka a quickie on Phil and Ranboo

Feels good to have confirmation about the letters having lies so Wilbur wouldn’t worry/disappoint Phil. No purposeful history revisionism or malicious lying in this house.

Ranboo and Wilbur, ah, I can already feel a good dynamic forming, because they are, right now, polar opposites. Ranboo is, in a way, what Wilbur thinks right now, to be weak. Yet Ranboo is thriving and he has a lot of allies. I really want to see them clash and challenge each other idiologically. That would be so interesting to see.

I think that’s about it, on what I could figure out from that stream. I’d like to hear other opinions or things anyone else noticed. (Also thanks to @kateis-cakeis for compiling all those quotes from last night. Check out his quote masterlist guys. It’s a goldmine for analysing Wilbur)

[me1ancho1y-b1iss]

Her Robin and His Little Ladybug Ch. 5

Chapter 1   Chapter 2   

As Marinette started to calm down she realized maybe this would be a good thing. She could receive help and have actual allies other than Chat, who although he tries hard sometimes makes himself immobile during fights (it's hard with only two people). 

The boy with green eyes, Robin was what they called him. (Marinette remembered briefly Alya mentioning Gotham’s Vigilantes - Batman being one of the founding members of the Justice League) had started walking towards her mumbling about needing a katana and more training. Marinette would have started giggling if it wasn’t for the fact that as soon as their arms touched when Robin walked by to get to the training arena, a bright light colored both a crimson red and pine green flashed around the room. 

Marinette stumbled back as images flashed through her mind. They didn’t seem like flashes of other people's lives and seemed more like distant memories of her own. Marinette saw in some memories a very familiar yoyo on her hip with the red and black spotted clothing fighting while in others saw a man with striking green eyes looking at her like she was her whole world (it was always green). A lot of Marinette's memories held death and gore, she was used to it, after all half of Paris’ population died on a weekly basis. Tiki was present in a lot of Marinette's memories. Some were happy, like when she held her first born child while others were sad. Marinette also saw memories from her present lifetime, like when first met Tikki and dining the suit for the first time, to when all her friends abandoned her. 

Marinette felt herself start to tear up. It was like the memory flashes were a jump start. She started to remember all her past lives. The very first time in all existence when Tikki’s miraculous were worn and when she met her black cat, a very similar light show was presented. The memories became ingrained in Marinette’s mind, she could remember all her past lives, her black cat. 

… 

Damian was upset. The little girl that teleported to the batcave randomly seemed like a good fighter besides the fact that she wasn’t trained however she was also alone. He was going to train to get and come back and see if there was a plan his family made for the girl, when he passed by the girl and brushed his arm against her. All of a sudden a bright light composed of red and green flashed throughout the room. Damian started to see flashes of what he realized were his own memories from past lives. In a lot of his memories he saw himself wearing a full black garment with a retractable baton and small peculiar floating cat in others. Damian also saw a girl in almost every memory that flashed through his mind, although her appearance seemed to change throughout the ages but her bright bluebell eyes were a constant. 

A few of the memories Damian witnessed brought a small smile to his face, it felt like he was reliving some of the happiest moments throughout his entire existence, while others brought a melancholy frown upon his face. 

Damian also started to tear up; he realized that all these memories were now back. His love, his ladybug was back. 

… 

When light erupted around the room in bright colors of red and green all the members of the batfamily started staring at the youngest in the room. Their faces seemed to go through a myriad of emotions. 

Bruce, Jason, Dick, Tim and Barbara all gathered at one side of the room to watch what was happening. The kids seemed to be in a trance like state and there was no getting them out of it. The family started to wiper among themselves when the light refused to fade. The colors of red and green swirling together the longer the scene went on. All of a sudden Jason yelled in a harsh whispered tone. 

“What. The. Actual. Fuck. Is. Happening?! I’ve seen some weird shit but this definitely among the weirdest” 

A beat passed 

“Holy Shit. Is Demon Spawn crying?!”

All the bats turned towards the pair at Jason’s sudden exclamation and sure enough Damian had tears leaking out of his eyes. 

… 

 When Marinette finally opened her eyes, groaning a little from the sudden intake, she came face to face with green eyes, eyes that were so strikingly familiar, eyes that Marinette has seen in the past millennials, the eyes of her cat or in this case the eyes of her robin 

…  

Damian opened his eyes after a moment to take in the information that washed over him like a tsunami and left him gasping for air, when he found himself staring at bright bluebell eyes, the eyes of his ladybug, his little ladybug. 

… 

“D-dove?” Marinette hesitantly choked out in half-laugh half sob

Damian nodded. He remembered that nickname fondly, it was one of the first she’d call him when the earth was still young. She mentioned after an intense battle how when he swooped down to attack it reminded her of a dove. The name stuck. 

“Hello Priya'' Damian said. Priya meaning love, Sanskrit was one of the first languages. Of course they learned many languages over the years due to the fact that they were always spread across the earth. Damian also liked to occasionally use Arabic nicknames; he’d definitely be using them this time around. 

Marinette gasped and ran into his open arms. Marinette kept repeating how sorry she was, sorry that she left him alone. The last battle that they had together was hard, the bug took a hard hit. She died. Damian remembered how grief stricken he was. Tikki informed him once she popped out of the jewelry that he’d see her again 

Damian pulled the girl back and wiped the tears that were streaming down her face. “It’s okay habibti. It’s not your fault.” 

“Okay does someone want to tell us what the fuck is happening?” 

A/N: Ok. it finally got exciting. That took a while. Honestly this whole plot twist came to me out of nowhere, my original plan for this fic was that it was supposed to be a slowburn, but this works too. (they probably still wont get into a relationship right away tho, I want them to get to know eachother better in this time period)  

Taglist: @bumblebeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee @toodaloo-kangaroo @aespades @mochegato @daminette5074 @yannowhatigiveup @sekhmet5 @alyssadeliv @kking13 @callmewhatyouwant00  (if you to want be added, ask and I’ll add you)

[why-this-kolaveri-machi]

please. i can’t do this alone.

Titans 3.01

thoughts! thoughts! thoughts! some red hot thoughts!

SPOILERS ahead.

1. one episode in, and this season already looks set to give me everything i want. its abandonment of plot and storytelling conventions as it goes from one point to the next at breakneck speed; its cheerful bastardisation of iconic storylines from the comics; the ‘as-you-know-bob’ clunky exposition on one end and extremely restrained, subtle explorations of complex character dynamics on the other; endless shots of neon bleeding into black and blue corridors, shadows and silhouettes; my delight in seeing it celebrate and deconstruct the dark nolan-y batman aesthetic at the same time; my bafflement that it’s so fucking goddamn obsessed with the batfam when it’s supposed to be about the TITANS; kory just... saving every overburdened, clunky scene that she’s in by her sparkling charisma. just... *chef’s kiss*. muah. my show is back, in all its glory.

MY SHOW IS BACK, Y’ALL!

1.5. i mean... this show is so artful and weird and not afraid to go absolutely bonkers in exploring its characters’ psyche, but can just about barely stage a passable comic book fight when every tom dick and harry and their new streaming services can deliver ones that are far more exciting. i love this show with every atom of my body.

(there’s something to be said about rooting for the underdog as well. a pleasure in finding something to love about what other people dismiss. but! enough navel gazing! i have fictional characters’ navels to look at! metaphorically! and maybe literally!)

2. i expected jason’s death to come about pretty early in the season as soon as i heard rumours that red hood was showing up, but for it to happen in the first five minutes of the first episode... that’s a record. 

(well. “happen.” still don’t know what exactly went down there.)

2.25. GOD. jason is such a tortured and tragic character in this show, used and passed around by people with alleged good intentions, never really fitting in anywhere. he’s veritably bleeding vulnerability and the need to belong, the need to be known, and yet the tragedy is that his death proves that nobody in his life knew anything about him at all; that they only saw the flimsy walls he put up to protect his soft core, and thought that that was all there was. that they say they loved him, but blame him for his own death. 

dick is flabbergasted that jason can read, though we know from last season, from what jason revealed to rose, that he has a love for plays and music. barbara is quick to dismiss his actions as ‘impulsive’. bruce has no idea that his supposed son was building his own little chemistry lab right under his nose, and beyond that, no idea that jason needed structure, stability and validation beyond being left alone in a huge house with a treasure trove of dangerous weapons. kory thought his decision to fight the joker was from not learning and growing when the guy tried to kill himself last season and nobody apart from dick even tried to talk to him about it! did you consider that he might still be suicidal? especially after the titans admitted to having “given up” on him because he was just “too hard”?

2.5. the one thing that’s been consistent across all three seasons (so far) of the show is the unreliable narrator trope. there’s a reason why the characters’ dismissals of jason’s actions as impulsive is so repetitive; why jason’s death is a mystery dick feels compelled to solve. it’s a flailing attempt to know his brother much too late--but with red hood, maybe he gets a second chance, just like he got one with the titans. this is what jason’s arc has been building up to. this is ‘death in the family’ but more fucked up in some ways. it didn’t linger on the death because the death wasn’t the point. the joker isn’t the point. everything that came before it is.

this way it will also make perfect sense that the red hood’s main enemy becomes the titans rather than batman.

2.75. goodness knows what’s going on with jason’s little chemistry project. at first i thought he was immunising himself to joker gas or something, but maybe it’s what passes for lazarus pit juice in this universe? 

anyway, it’s pretty impressive that jason learnt all of that from a college chemistry textbook. STOP BRINGING UP THAT HE READ SOMETHING, DICK--

2.8. i’m glad that dick doesn’t immediately sink into self-loathing and guilt and tries to investigate jason’s death while also acknowledging how he failed him. it’s like he actually learned something from the last two years! 

anyway. more about dick later. 

3. oh how i love titans!bruce. a lot of characters had a lot of Opinions on his reaction to jason’s death in this episode, but again, i ask you to consider that they’re unreliable narrators, and this universe’s bruce is a product of how it shaped him. bruce wayne has become a phantom to himself--an artifice borne out of vigorous discipline and crushing self-denial. 

bruce has been batman for a very long time, and without a robin for much longer. (dick must be... in his early thirties? so he was robin for about, say, 10-12 years according to the timeline of the show. that still makes bruce pretty old when he took on his first robin.) things have... calcified (possibly parts of his brain). the personal cost and the collateral from the mission he’s taken up for most of his life is too much to countenance; it has to be a war, and war requires sacrifice. 

on some level bruce knows that’s a lie. he’s so goddamned alone. what’s he going to do? sit down and cry? who’s going to listen to him now? oh, is he going to just stop being batman? who’s going to stop gotham from consuming herself then? he’ll just have to forge ahead, do better next time, maybe he’ll be firmer with them, or kinder with them, or notice more things, or train them harder, or spend more time--

3.25. don’t get me wrong: titans!bruce is an asshole and a half. his roster of potential robins was honestly bone-chilling. the fact that there’s a twisted root of compassion makes it more disturbing. 

3.5. alfred’s dead! it must’ve been pretty recent, because i could’ve sworn that dick tried to call alfred in the very first episode of season 1, or at least considered calling him... 

what a devastating double-blow for bruce then, losing his father-figure and his, uh.... son-figure so close together.

4. i don’t know about barbara yet. i mean, i like her, but she had so much clunky expository dialogue to deliver this episode, and for an episode that was named after her, she only showed up halfway through it. but i like the weight of history behind her interactions with both bruce and dick and her compassion to bruce before he cruelly crossed a line. i also like the implication that she and dick have been in touch recently, and that she didn’t immediately try to guilt-trip dick about some perceived abandonment. it’d be too repetitive.

4.5. there’s also a sense that she ran interference for dick a lot whenever there was something Too Big and Emotional for him to confront directly, and i like and appreciate that character beat.

5. dick, my man! it really does feel like a substantial length of time has passed between the end of s2 and the beginning of s3... kory’s got a new costume, they’ve become celebrities in SF, working missions together, and dick’s actually smiling! genuinely enjoying his work and having fun with it for possibly the first time in the entire series! it’s really a far cry from the fractured, dysfunctional mess that they were at the end of the last season.

i just hope this doesn’t mean that they’ve magically reached a resolution off-screen to all of their fucked-upness from last season, and that the repercussions--for gar in particular--are actually addressed on screen. 

5.25. i mentioned this briefly above, but it really is so refreshing that dick doesn’t wallow in guilt and self-loathing after jason’s death; he acknowledges his and the titans’ failure, is able to admit to barbara honestly that he’s not doing great, and is actively trying to reach out to bruce to make sure he’s ok, is trying to investigate what made jason seek out the joker on his own, and is probably the only person not immediately buying that it was jason’s recklessness that got him killed. i love that dick is finally beginning to trust his instincts or just employ them at all after years of guilt and paranoia and self-loathing. we love some positive character growth!

5.5. another thing i love? the bruce-dick interactions on this show. every scene they’re in together is so fraught with tension, both of them holding themselves back, their emotions on a whipcord-tight leash. dick wants to reach out to bruce, is even somewhat familiar with this brand of denial in the wake of grief, but wants barbara to make the first move because he genuinely does not know how to get bruce to open up. his instincts are right, and wonderful, and genuine, but his expression has been smothered by years of trauma, emotional and physical self-discipline, and what i suspect is poorly treated mental illness. 

it takes a lot for him to finally explode at bruce at the end of the episode--in a way he hasn’t done even when his only opinion of bruce was ‘fuck him’--and it’s all the more startling for how subdued he’s been through the episode, how much he’s been holding back his emotions for bruce’s sake. love it.

5.75. it sort of hurts my heart to see the flying graysons poster in jason’s room. there are a few implications:

a) jason settled into dick’s old room despite living in a giant mansion with dozens of other rooms he could’ve used

b) he didn’t take down dick’s poster--not when he moved in and was idolising him, not when he moved out of the titans and was sort of hating him. i wonder if the reminder of what dick was before robin--that he was forged out of unspeakable tragedy--gave jason the connection to dick that he so desperately wanted in real life

c) dick moved right back into the room and slept on the bed that was now jason’s. grief can be so quiet and piecemeal sometimes.

6. i spy the beginnings of actual arcs for both gar and kory! i just hope that with the move to gotham their stories don’t fall to the wayside...

6.5. i’ve known tim drake for less than ten minutes but if anything were to happen to him i’d kill everybody 

7. this review has gone on for too long and i am tiRED. however, before i leave: i miss some of the dedication-to-aesthetic that titans season 1 used to have. remember how the first few episodes didn’t really feel like a superhero show but something out of gothic horror? there was something gorgeous and raw about that, about open landscapes and the road and creepy buildings looming up at the end of it. moving to titans tower in s2 really ruined a lot of that for me, given its ripped-from-architectural-digest aesthetic, all smooth and clean and artificial. 

i hope that we really explore gotham’s hellscape in interesting and innovative ways instead of camping out in the batcave all the time and indulging in the show’s unending love for long corridors, neon backlights and silhouettes.

8.....

9.  wait, fuck, HOW CAN I FORGET ABOUT HOT PSYCHIATRIST GUY (TM)??? NONE of you prepared me for his return! NONE OF YOU! i gasped! i got up and did a happy dance! 

listen, titans writers, if you’ve had a peek at my titans s3 wishlist, please go ahead and give the other items on the list a go too, thankyouverymuch.

[fu-aki]

Chapter 5

So this is going to be my attempt to summarize part 1 of the beginning part of chapter 5 (episode 1 to 21) of twisted wonderland.

Again, spoiler alert since I’m about to write out everything that happened, and I apologize for my grammar and horrible French in advance.

 You heard someone singing -> it was the scenes from snow white when the evil queen asks the mirror on the wall and snow white singing into the well  -> player choice: a beautiful women was watching from the window…/ I felt like I’ve meet that beautiful person before… -> you woke up from dream -> in the main street, you meet up with Ace and Deuce -> after seeing the statue you realized you’ve seen them in your dreams before

In classroom -> Ace felt it wasn’t weird to have dreams like that when you see those statues everyday -> you mentioned about in your dream “mickey” appeared in the mirror -> Ace and Deuce never heard of that name before -> Ace suggest to take a photo of it with the “ghost camera” you got from Crowley since it can even take pictures of ghosts

Crewel showed up and explained about “nationwide sorcerer training school culture festival” -> it’s a 2 day event with representative students from all the sorcerer training school, a festival with speeches and debates all about magic related music & art topics -> for NRC, all the 4th year students will be send all across country for internship and research study -> they will all come back on that day to share their experience and result -> end of the homeroom -> fight Crewel for the defense magic class

In the dorm leader meeting -> Malleus is not there again -> Lilia mentions how he couldn’t find Malleus anymore after class so he’s here instead -> Idia questions if Malleus is missing meetings on purpose -> Lilia talked about how fairies feels time different from humans, and how Malleus have some troublesome karma on him as well

The meeting starts -> Riddle started reporting everything about the event -> but the “vocal & dance championship” has surprising amount of media focused on it -> Riddle was surprised since he thought it was just a chorus competition -> because of the time change and consideration for different types of music, now it includes singing, dancing, and performance -> and because of how popular it got, it becomes one chance for students to professionally debut -> and now it’s getting extra notice because the famous influencer Vil and Neige are in it -> Lilia commented how Neige is getting really popular online and on TV -> Idia surprised that people in Diasomnia actually go online -> Lilia “kuhuhu, of course, we are still just students in high school, we watch dramas and play games.” -> Crowley “Vila and Neige, 2 world known famous celebrity are going to appear in VDC, it won’t be an exaggeration to call it the highest degree of attention we are going to get in this event.” -> Crowley ask Riddle to make preparation in case of troubles -> Azul offered to help since he learned all about it from magic shift event -> Leona “hey octopus bastard… do you want your flappy tongue to turn into dried food or what?” -> Azul “oh my how scary” -> Riddle refused Azul’s help since he don’t want Azul ask for something later -> Kalim “just tell us if something is bothering you, we’ll help you anytime.”

-> Kalim “I can’t wait for the day of festival~!” ->  Idia “sign~~~… the popular guys just looks so happy everyday. I had to think about the day to announce our research result… if I just step on stage, everyone would be like ‘hey isn’t his hair burning?’ ‘could he be Shroud family’s…’ ‘what kind of dark research is he doing?’ aah I can’t… for person like me to do a speech on stage is just challenge level EX.” -> Riddle mentioned how the rules said student have to go on stage themselves and offer to train Idia for speech after school -> Idia said he’ll manage something himself (whispering) “I really don’t wanna have a farming event with demonic trainer Riddle.” -> end of meeting

In Vil’s room -> Vil “Mira, Mira” -> Mira “what can I help you with?” -> Vil “who is the fairest of them all right now?” -> Mira “the account with the most mention of fair in web currently is… Neige.” -> Vil “Neige…! Finally… this time have arrived.” -> Mira “sorry, I couldn’t quite hear you. Could you please repeat what you said?”

Few days later in cafeteria -> Ace, Deuce, Grim, and you saw the poster for the VDC audition -> the reward for wining the championship is 5 million Madollar to spilt among the members -> Crowley popped up and explained many corporation sponsored this event -> Grim wanted to join for the money so he can buy tuna cans

The song for audition is “piece of my world” -> Ace wanted to try so if he got accepted he don’t need to help set up the places anymore -> Deuce wanted the reward money to help his family -> but he never did singing or dancing before so he didn’t want to join ->

In courtyard you heard someone singing beautifully -> you saw Epel ->Deuce remembered the time he bumped into Epel last chapter -> He asked Epel why is he practice singing here -> it was because Vil told Epel to practice singing to the well so Epel can hear his voice clearly -> Deuce “does Pomefiore have some rules where you have to be good at singing?” -> it was because Epel has to take the audition for VDC and practice for a more lovely voice -> Epel (whisper) “event like that should just disappear…” -> “oh my Epel, are you skipping practice and talking with pigeons now?” -> it was Vil -> Grim “that guy’s leg looks like it’s 1 meter longer than MC’s!” -> Vil “there’s only 2 month left till VDC, Epel have no times play with muddy potatoes like you people.” -> “Epel, you too, if this keep going on you won’t be able to become the ‘red poisoned apple’ let’s go.” -> Epel “…But I actully don’t!” -> Vil “did you forgot the promise with me? Just come here already.” -> Ace and Grim was pretty mad and wanted to fight -> Vil “It’s not bad for a walk after meal. Come at me, I’ll make you into mashed potato.” -> fight time -> you are beat up by Vil -> and he only gives you 5/100 for the fight since you lacked the beauty when fighting -> Epel has to go back with Vil and Vil mentioned how it ends up like this because Epel skipped practice in break

The next day -> Deuce decided to try the audition -> so if they are accepted, Epel might got eliminated and don’t need to practice anymore -> Deuce “as a honor student, I can’t just watch him being forced into the things he don’t like.” -> Ace “I don’t think it’s very honor student of you to call yourself honor student.” -> dance practice time

Kalim and Jamil showed up practice for audition too -> Kalim “honestly you guys are pretty bad at this, you look like a panicked elephant trying to stand on 2 legs! Ahhaha!” -> Deuce “man this really hurts when he’s not even try to be mean.” -> Ace asked Jamil to teach them how to dance -> Kalim “oh sure! Jamil is really good at singing.” -> Jamil “why are you replying for me! … well it is also review for me when I’m teaching someone, fine I’ll do it.” -> teaching time -> Kalim “hey, how about we practice together tomorrow too? Jamil is really good at singing, we’ll show you.” -> Jamil “! You just decided that yourself too…!” -> Kalim “it’ll be fine, besides isn’t it more fun when you have more people for dancing, singing, or partying?” -> Jamil “fine, just don’t expect me to be so kind.” -> Jamil “for now, let’s just clean up, take some mops from the storage room -> Deuce, Ace, Kalim “okay.” -> Jamil “Kalim, you don’t have to do it… sigh.”

Azul showed up -> Grim mentioned how Jamil’s evil plan was streamed worldwide last chapter.” -> Azul “why do you think the merciful me would end my classmate societal life like that?” -> Jamil “…you would.” -> that day Azul was just on phone with Jade -> Azul “different from Leona, I don’t have an interest to beat down someone more than necessary, besides it’s a secret that I’ve finally got, I won’t do anything to make the price fall like that.” -> Jamil “hate to say it, but thanks to Azul’s mercifulness, my parents and Asim family didn’t know the real reason I overblot. But the dorm students…”

Flashback -> Scarabia students questioned why Kalim don’t change the vice dorm leader after what happened

-> Kalim “are you guys worried about me? Thank you! But… he was not the only one wrong this time, I’m also at fault. Besides, is there anyone in Scarabia that have not received help from Jamil?” -> student “that, that is true… if there’s something going wrong we would always just ask him…” -> Kalim “I know right? He is an excellent vice dorm leader. A lot better than me, the dorm leader. His judgements might be clouded back then, but he is still great at his work. He did try to expel me by manipulating you guys but… up till that incident, he has never hurt me even once before. He has many chances to do other much more horrible things to me, but he didn’t. Not once, in 17 years. I won’t call him a good guy but… it’s hard to explain but would you please give us more times?” -> students “…if that’s what you said so…” -> Jamil “…”  -> end of flashback -> Jamil “the chance I had for holiday was once in a lifetime, thought my life would be over if I failed, but in the end it didn’t change that much… surely something to be ‘grateful’ for. So unless I’m fired by Kalim, I’ll continue to serve him. And I’ll continue to show everyone how useful I am.” -> Grim “Jamil… your character really changed a lot after the holiday.” -> Azul “if you are fired by Kalim, Octavinelle will always welcome people like you with open arms.” -> Jamil “thank you for the offer, but no matter what happened I would never go to Octavinelle.” -> Kalim “Hey you guys~ if we don’t head out soon we are gonna be late for class!”

3 days later -> everyone is getting better at dancing and singing -> Jamil reminded them to sign up for audition with Rook in class 3-A -> Grim saw Leona and called out to him -> Leona: angry lion noises -> Grim asked where is Rook Hunt -> Leona “why are you trying to find that weird guy.” -> Rook suddenly popped up from behind -> Rook “hahaha, did I surprised you? Pardon. Conceal my footstep sound was a habit I had. I am Rook Hunt. The hunter of love that set his life theme as looking for beauty, helping beauty.” -> Leona “tsk, there it is, that weird guy.” -> Rook asked where is monsieur dandelion -> Leona “no way we are together 24/7, just take those herbivores and go.” -> Deuce questioned who is monsieur dandelion -> it was Ruggie -> the reason why Rook calls him that is because last spring, Rook saw Ruggie picking dandelion in the sports field. Ruggie plans to eat those since his budget is a little tight this month -> so Rook calls him monsieur dandelion out of respect -> Leona “that guy… is he really fine with eating everything that’s not rotten? He didn’t make me eat dandelions too, right…?” -> Rook “non non, it’s not poison, it’s not good to be picky like that lord lion.” -> Ace brought up the audition for VDC, we almost forgot about that because of what happened -> Rook “I apologize, so you guys are, human species Ace Trappola, height 172cm, from class 1-A with student number 25. Human species Deuce Spade, height 173cm, from the same class 1-A with student number 24. And human species MC with demon beast species Grim, height 70cm. right?”

-> Deuce “how did you know our class and student number!?” -> Ace “and even height too!?” -> Rook “huhuhu. As a hunter, I have to at least know the species and heights about the students.” -> there’s no need to write anything to sign up, you only need to show up to the audition 3 days later in Pomefiore’s ballroom -> Rook ask why don’t Leona try for the auditions too -> Leona “who would go to a game event like that, besides, that annoying Vil is also there. I would never go.” -> Rook “the Vil with the beauty of metropolis, and Leona kun with the beauty of wilderness. If both of you dances and sings together it would definitely be beautiful. The competition between different types of beauty, it’s just tres bien!” -> Leona “this guy really doesn’t listen to other people at all…”

3 days later -> in Pomrfiore dorm lounge, you saw around 50 students who’s also trying for audition -> Cater was also one of it -> since he wanted to go to the event with the famous celebrity Vil -> Ace “isn’t that reason a little too light hearted?” -> Cater “really? I thought everyone is like that, I mean look.”

-> pointed at Ruggie who’s clearly here for money -> Lilia popped up again -> you recognized him as the person who handed you the holiday card -> Grim “he wasn’t the sender?” -> Lilia “the initials are different from mine right?” -> Lilia is here since he’s in light music club and it just makes sense for him to try -> he tried to invite Malleus too but he said he don’t want it to become the exhibition of some kind so he refused -> Lilia “that guy is kind of shy” -> Cater “I feels like that’s a little bit different from shy…” -> Lilia asked why didn’t Cater brought Trey along -> Cater tried but Trey has to help Riddle with all the works

they saw Ortho by himself for audition too and was surprised -> Ace commented on how Ortho looks like an elementary school student -> Cater said Ortho is accepted into this school with Idia, and they always take classes together -> Grim “how much of a brothercon is Idia…” ->Ortho “don’t talk bad on my brother!” -> Ortho explained how everything was approved by the principals, and is not like Idia brought him just because he’s lonely by himself -> Cater “sorry sorry, we kinda got to excited while talking about it since the Shroud brother is like the 7 mysteries of this school.” -> Ortho “I want to apologize for getting too upset as well, I just don’t want you to misunderstand my brother…” -> Cater asked if Ortho is also here for audition -> flashback -> basically Idia made a software with his voice to read out everything he typed -> for the speech since he just can’t talk in front of everyone -> but Idia also got pretty interested in the sound editing world -> Idia “since virtual idol is getting popular, should I put vocal synthesizer in Ortho too?” -> Ortho “sounds fun! I wanted to sing too.” ->Idia “alright~ let big brother handle everything.” -> so to test how far the vocal synthesizer can go, Ortho is here to take the audition -> Ace was surprised that they can just make singing sounds from programs -> Cater said those got quite popular and he likes it too, and wanted to show Grim a video of it -> there was an ad

Neige is promoting in the ad -> Cater mentioned how popular he is getting -> Vil, Rook, and Epel kicked in with sparkling effects -> Vil started introducing himself and explains how he will be the producer for the members appears in VDC

Auditions starts -> Ruggie sung and danced

-> Rook “monsieur dandelion. Such a light step and bright smile. With manliness and loveliness combined perfectly. Beaute! 100 points!” -> Vil “his way of moving isn’t bad, but his dancing and singing is still messy… next!”

Cater -> Rook “monsieur magcam. Your voice sounds just like the elegant sparkling diamond! I wanted to listen to it forever. Beaute! 100 points!” -> Vil “singing and dancing wasn’t bad, but I can’t feel any passions… next!”

Lilia -> Rook “monsieur curiosity. Such a lovely form and singing voice with an alluring aura… Beaute! 100 points!” -> Vil “I don’t know why… but I can’t feel any freshness of a high school student from Lilia. Next!”

Ortho -> Rook “monsieur doll. What a brand-new style…! Your robot dance and singing voice, will be sculpted into my eyes. Beaute! 100 points!” -> Vil “no matter how genre-less this event is, there’s a limit… next!”

Kalim -> Rook “lord gold! Your dance were just like the breeze that blow through the hot sand! And the singing that make me felt like flying. Beaute! 100 points!” -> Vil “hmm, it’s a little bit better than the vegetables that’s just rolling around.”

Jamil -> Rook “monsieur mulch. As expected… I can feel your buring soul underneath your cool mask! Beaute! 100 points!” -> Vil “not bad, he’s the most normal one out of all of them.”

Epel -> Rook “monsieur crabapple. So lovely! Beaute! 100 points!” -> Vil “that kid, misstep again, no matter how good was his rehearse, it would be meaningless if he can’t do good in the real deal. Also, Rook. aren’t you giving out nothing but 100 points? Are you judging seriously?” -> Rook “of course, but it’s so hard to pick a first when everyone are so wonderful. There’s beauty in the neatness, and there’s also beauty in the twisted. Don’t you think so?” -> last group -> Ace, Deuce, and Grim -> Rook “…I see I see.” -> end of the audition -> result will come out tomorrow -> Rook recommend the trio to Vil

Next day, Ace, Deuce, Grim just got off from class -> suddenly an arrow flies across barely missed Deuce’s nose -> Ace realized there’s a piece of paper on the arrow -> Deuce “what!? Is it a challenge to fight!?” -> Ace “stop connect everything to a fight, let me see…” -> both Ace and Deuce are accepted -> you are also asked to go with those two

You all headed towards Pomefiore -> you saw both Kalim and Jamil -> they are accepted as well -> but after going in Pomefiore, students keep showing up asking for fight -> finally you arrived to the ballroom

-> Vil showed up with sparkling effects again -> apparently the students are fighting with you because you are accepted members, it was a warm up Vil prepared for all of you so he can start the lesson right away -> Vil “listen up, start from now on we would be the representation for NRC, and aim for the first place in the VDC. The members that can’t even win a fight like that is not needed. The battle has already started and all of you should be prepared to be whipped to shape!” -> Kalim “I don’t really understand but okay!” -> Grim asks why are him and you here when you are not accepted -> Crowley showed up and explained, in order to practice for the team work, all of the members will live together in Ramshakle dorm -> Grim wanted to refuse -> but Vil and Rook said they will give you all of their reward money since their goal in this event is not money -> which is around 1.42 million -> you decided to accept the deal after all ->Vil “now let’s start the lesson!” -> Ace “I thought the lesson starts when we starts living together?” -> Vil “don’t get a big head, new potato number 1. You are still an amateur at singing and dancing, we can’t waste a single minute.” -> practice time.

 End of this update.

Oh man it tooks me a whole entire day to do this… and to think this is just like part a of part1. The chapters are getting so much longer…

I Honestly felt like I missed up half of Rook’s nicknames since I don’t know French at all, basically got everything from google so please correct me if I’m wrong.

Also, Rook’s nickname for Epel is kinda weird, he call Epel hime ringo which directly translate to princess apple, but it is also a type of apple. In English it’s called crabapple, which kind of feels different then the Japanese text.

Can I just say I love the fact that we can fight Crewel now? And I just love how he call us zasshu while fighting, it probably referenced to like mixed blood dogs and all but it only reminds me of Gilgamesh lol.

Ahhh I really want Crewel to slap me.

[life-rewritten]

Giants of Thai BL AKA The MOST ANTICIPATED  THAI BL SHOWS FOR 2021

It's weird to think that the year 2020 has ended. This has been a journey in the past year, on the surface everywhere you looked it looked like there was no place to be happy and excited because of all the things that happened. It was suffocating at times, tiring at best, and it was just astonishing how many things could go wrong in only one year. That being said, one genre/demographic that grew even stronger this year, took some time to impress and improve on its tropes, its ideas and concepts and that's BL. Which also took some of us by surprise, for the ones who've been watching BL since the first oldies, to the new people who joined and also became in love with the genre and have stayed since then. BL has been an incredible, interesting journey, and I am so happy to say that it looks like 2021 isn't letting go of that energy. So to celebrate entering 2021, a year hopefully for a release from all the worries in 2020, a year to restart, refresh and keep getting better, here are the Giants of Thai Bl making their way in 2021. We have so many insane ones, from more mafia dramas to new unique non-university storylines, to og actors, and new powerful ones, to interesting pairings and new channels producing shows for 2021 to many many more countries joining the fight to be the top of our affections and energy. Thai BL is not going anywhere, and you know what that's perfectly fine with me.

GMMTV

I already did a whole squeal about the shows upcoming from GMMTV here: But after careful consideration here is my top 3 most anticipated: Enchante, Not Me, Bad Buddy. I know Enchante beat out ATOTS, but for me, I'm obsessed with the way the writer plans secrets and meta to unveil, and I keep repeating it's by Theory of Love director and production team. I'm so excited. I just hope they put in the same energy and effort they used in theory of love for this you have so many potential incredible actors that can take over this genre if you give them a good script and hard work. Hopefully, GMMTV intends to do so for not just their royal couple shows but also for rookie actors because Book and Force in this trailer? Looks fantastic.

Studio Wabi-sabi

When I hear about Studio Wabi-Sabi, you see two juxtaposed reactions from me, one you see anticipation and excitement from seeing my most loved actors off-screen; however, you also hear a groan from me. I'm sorry I didn't use to be this way, I used to be so ready to embrace every show directed and created by New Siwaj; in 2020, New was one of the directors I kept having headaches about because of all his shows in 2020? What exactly happened? Why did they flop so hard? Why was he so slow? I'm hoping that it's because he had too many projects to handle at the same time since fair enough LBC was filmed same time as GMMTV My gear and your gown and maybe that was too much to handle? But the reason why I like News choices usually are because they're emotional, impressive with their plot lines and have good character arcs and couples we end up falling in love with. He could be an iconic director because he has so much talent in his company, so I'm hoping he uses his lessons and grows and becomes better in 2021.  But Let's get to the shows announced so far for 2021 because they both have the potential to take over 2021. I said what I said.

Between Us

Genre:  Friends with benefits, Romance, Comedy, PTSD, Angst, 

Ahh, this is incredible. I'm so happy. Win and Team are from a great tv show already with Until We Meet Again and not going to lie, but seeing Buon as Win and Prem as Team? Perfection. Like guys I actually fell so hard for this couple despite their low screen time. Buon stole the scene each time he appeared, with his little smirks, and mischief, with flirty bad-boy energy and their relationship, was precisely what I live for passionate and full of chemistry. They're great, which is why it's so exciting to see that Between Us is getting its own show, the show based on these two love story in a parallel timeline to Until we meet again. I screamed. The book sounds interesting; we're getting some conversations about PTSD, some healing relationships, and angst and more passion.  I'm so excited about this since I first saw BuonPrem. I knew they were going to get known enough to bring their own show. And they deserve it, let's hope we get an interesting script that keeps us invested, enough opportunities for these two to have softer and profound moments whilst still holding on to their passion, and let the drama not be stale but addicting. Please New, don't let this show also be slow-paced, I'll lose it if another show is ruined by directing from you. 

Ratings: 4/5: BuonPrem, they leap off the screen, their chemistry is that great. From hearing about the plot I'm also excited to a more in-depth look into Team's insomnia and his past and psychological scars, and I'm hoping to see a deeper reason for why these two should be together.

Love Mechanics 2

Genre: Romance, Comedy, Angst, Drama, Friends with benefits, Unrequited love, 

That's the thing about Wabi-Sabi; they have amazing actors that steal our hearts away. This shows cast is no different, it's YinWar and it's a collab with Channel 3. Like What? It's everything. YinWar from Love Mechanics trended with millions of people obsessed and wanting the show to be extended and actually appropriately done. In came Channel 3 and we have this gem coming on April. No words. YinWar on screen is thrilling; War is just outstanding as Mark, his nuances, his glares, his looks of pain and longing, man I was absorbed into it. Although LM's writing is toxic and really left me feeling confused and uncomfortable with the details pushed aside, it was hard to ship VeeMark when Yin's character made terrible decisions and was awful even in the book. I'm the queen of analysing damaged flawed characters, and I don't run away from toxicity as long as there is a growth and change later on, as long as there's a good reason we needed to see that. For Vee's character, his actions were unnecessary for us to know about his character; they were just messy and upsetting. That's why I think seeing more depth for his actions and seeing Mark regress and also make mistakes like him will even out their relationship and make me feel more understanding about how these two flawed characters came to be and why they should be together.  Let's hope with funds from Channel 3, more effort and energy put into the show, it'll be great because with actors like War this show can be just as big as it was when it had errors. Maybe even better. 

Ratings 3.5/5 Love mechanics messy storyline makes me worried about this, but I think I might have a great time watching and analysing Mark's revenge after being heartbroken. The angst and drama of it all just sound interesting.

Channel 3

2020 brought a new surprise with Channel 3 deciding to invest in BLS. BLs have always been not on mainstream channels, so seeing Channel 3 in Thailand decide to make their own shows, a collab with other companies, and bring some directors and writers and actors known in the BL world already, shows they are serious. This may be because of the success of 2gether and other breakthroughs in 2019 taking over the scene. But I can see that Channel 3 did not come here to play, they are researching, looking for ways to make a great BL with the information provided on the past BLs and they want to make it big. And you know what with shows like GEN Y showing up last year, I want to believe that Channel 3 is a competition for GMMTV and others. They invest in funds and have longer minutes for their episodes, and they also pay attention to international fans by streaming on new places like Iquiyi and others. It's exciting. Channel 3 has already dipped their toes with Love Mechanics, and in 2021 they have even more shows to give us:

Teddy Bear Miracle

Genre: Romance, Comedy, Supernatural, Drama, Friends to Lovers, Fantasy,  Mystery, Lakorn

What a weird title for a show. What an odd premise. What a bizarre book. But you know what I'm so excited about this; this is meant to be a lakorn series that is BL. Like wow, it has a good cast, known faces in the Thai acting scene and a director/screenwriter who has won awards for his own script. That's even more exciting. But the best thing about this is that it's a fantasy and has supernatural themes, yep it's weird we're dealing with a magic system where teddy bears come to life, and other inanimate objects talk? But I'm so excited to see what this brings; we have a man transformed from a teddy bear with amnesia who's searching for his past and how he ended up as one and his owner who's not yet ready to let his comfort go. It's so interesting, with family history and drama and of course, a romance that will probably touch my heart. I'm excited for this zany, wacky and dramatic show. Normally, I shy away from the crazy because I don't like crack humour, and it just means a bunch of many irritating sound effects and editing choices. But I want to trust the whole team from Channel 3, from the behind the scenes the show looks great, the couple has chemistry, and I'm excited to delve into the mystery at play and see what this story is meant to become. So excited honestly.

Ratings: 4.1/5 The wacky magic system scares me not going to lie, but I have faith for some reason in Channel 3, so I think this might shock us all. I think we'll get good acting, and perhaps good directing too. The mystery might also make me want to analyse. We shall see.

Lovely Writer

Genre: Romance, Comedy, Angst, Drama, Acting/Writing Industry, Haters to Lovers,  

Did you say Kao and Up and P'Tee the director of TharnType the series? Sign me up I'm there; I've been screaming a bit since I heard about this series. From the first time, it was announced that Channel 3 was turning the book into a show, I was like this sounds unique again? And it has an interesting plot, I guess, and it's also going to have drama. I'm hopeful then. When I heard about the whole team and watched the trailer, I got into it even more. Lovely Writer sounds right up my alley, to be honest, we have this introverted writer who is determined to write a masterpiece and stop his company from making him produce BLs for the hype only for his next project to be a BL show which leads him to his new sneaky, sly, wolf in sheep's clothing roommate. Kao played his roommate from Until we meet again who won my heart as Korn and made me cry buckets. So, of course, I'm excited, Nubsib (Kao) may have some tricks up his sleeve to get next to Gene, but I think things will be more complicated than he thought, I'm ready to explore the world of the film industry and dating scandals that Gene and Sib will fall into the more they fall for each other. The angst and drama. Can't wait. Also, TharnType is one of my favourite series, and one of the reasons is because of Tee so... That's even more reason to see Gene and Sip's love story develop. Will it be as angsty, passionate and filled with plot twists? From what I hear maybe. 

Ratings: 4/5 I just think this is an excellent team for a BL backed by Channel 3 and also has an exciting plot filled with ups and downs. I'm excited to see what happens and from the behind the scenes they released in the new year I think it'll be right up my alley.

NADAO

It had to be mentioned that I'm still in shock that Nadao is investing more into BL's. I don't know why, it just feels too good to be true, after giving me show after show that's perfection and quality I'm starting to have high expectations and hope for more, despite my weary heart not wanting to trust that this is real. I'm dramatic, I know. Anyways Nadao has gifted me twice with two shows that have shocked me and made my jaw fall in awe. I'm just like wow, they really did that. Every single piece of work that comes from them is art. Every single script is exceptionally written. Every single show is acted beautifully, and every single director and producer makes me inspired by the way they create. This is when focusing on their BLs because Great Man Academy and I told sunset about you are masterpieces in their own way, they deserve to be praised and never forgotten. It's just incredible that with a company like Nadao, everything falls into place, even when we think it won't because of past experiences. Nadao has shown up and decided to create unique pieces each thoughtful. Deep and breathtaking. Why won't I be over the moon when 2021 announces that we're getting another part from them with I told sunset about you getting a sequel. You bet I haven't stopped screaming and looking at the time to hurry up, so we get to March 11. I'm serious.

ITSAY PART 2

Genre: Romance,  Angst, Drama, University, Coming of age

And that's because of what ITSAY was to us in 2020. It was something that can't be explained concisely. It was everything. To hear that we're getting the second part of the story of Oh and Teh, I feel like I am already preparing my heart and mind for another invasion, last time I was a mess because of this show, I was all over the place because of this show, and I was incredibly happy for a moment because of this show. To relive that again would be everything. It's slightly worrying that Teh and Oh finally getting together and fighting through the odds to stay together will run into more obstacles. Are you kidding me? After all, we went through to see them together?? It makes me worried, I have this real distrust for sequels of BLs, and it hasn't changed despite 2020 producing some okay follow-ups. Sequels never meet the expectation set; sequels are always reduced in quality because the focus is now on popularity and fame, sequels lose their integrity of the characters we've come to know and love and sequels hurt. They make me sometimes give up on a show that is my love, and it hurts. It's a painful realisation that I can't take away or forget the sequel events, so these characters are now ruined infinitely for me—looking at Together with me next chapter. It's scary. But Nadao hasn't failed yet, I mean it when I say their scripts are like works of art, I mean it when I say you can tell they put blood, sweat and tears to create their shows, why would ITSAY part 2 be any different? These two shows I mentioned before are coming together because the director of GMA is joining the team of ITSAY to produce whilst Boss becomes the producer. As long as he's there, I'm fine, as long as we still get hard work, energy, effort and thought put into it. I'm fine. Because it translates on screen, I'll try to lower my expectations, but I can't wait to see BilkinPP as TehOh again. I can't wait to fall in love with the show all over again. Let's hope we all end up satisfied. 

Ratings: 4.5/5 The being a sequel is what's deducting the 0.5. I can't come here and be a fool; I must guard my heart against disappointment somewhat, despite failing already to do so.

Other Affiliates

We have our other shows. These were a pleasant surprise. With all the growth of new BLs, it's starting to get crowded and saturated, but as much as it's hard to see which shows stand out above all the noise,  some make you see it. These shows are the ones that stand out for me out of the rest in 2021. I don't know what companies they're from, all I know is the information given to me and past experiences.

KinnPorsche

Genre: Romance, Mafia, Angst, Drama, Friends to Lovers, Haters to Lovers, Bodyguard trope

AHHH. Can you hear me AHH. Okay, I'll calm down. But no really, KinnPorsche is finally preparing for filming and the cast has been set and I'm screaming. KinnPorsche was the book in 2020 that was announced as the most coveted; I remember so many fandoms wanted their actors to be chosen as the main cast. The reason? Because this is meant to be the first Mafia/Crime BL. Yes, you heard us, no more universities and engineers we're doing bodyguards and spoilt gangsters. I'm... But just knowing this, you just know that the show will also have angst, angst angstttt for days, drama, and a romance that probably involves haters to lovers, passion, and character development. We're coming in with guns blazing, with many side couples that look just as good and interesting, and many actors that look perfect for their roles. I cannot wait for KinnPorsche, especially when one of my favourite actors is going to be in it as a second lead Jeff Satur! Have you seen the posters, the character introduction, who they're casting for the rest of the show? This looks amazing, it seems well put together, and the whole team looks determined and ready to give us a great show. I'm honestly so excited, but I've also heard things about the book that I will have to wait for the show to be a judge of before saying. All I can say is quality of a show also includes the themes in the script, we're trying to evolve past the toxic plots and ideas in BL, so I'm hoping if there is any we cut it real quick and change that part. It's the producers and directors' choice to keep parts in that could be edited or removed. I haven't read the book, so I'm going to be wary about it for now, but from the whole cast, teasers, and posters I really think this show could be a favourite if appropriately handled. 

Ratings: 4?/5 The question mark is for the rumours I've heard about the book. I can't lie that I want this show to be great and become one of my all-time favourites but with angst and violent personalities and passion comes leeways to toxicity and more and that's just not cute or needed.

My Engineer Season 2

Genre: Romance, Comedy, Angst, Drama, Friends to Lovers, Haters to Lovers, Unrequited love,  University,

Okay, this is it, folks. My Engineer came in 2020 and knocked our socks off; it's the most underrated great show in 2020 (apart from why r u) in my opinion. It was brilliantly constructed with enough screen time and plot for every couple of the show. My Engineer is a great show; it didn't make it to my favourites because I had issues with the main couple, but it was my most enjoyed when it came to the side couples. Because we had KingRam, TharaFong, and MekBoss. (Sorry to BohnDuen Fans). These were some of the most exciting, heartfelt, loving couples in 2020, KingRam was just chef kiss. And to hear that we're getting a sequel based on them? Well you know what I did, I screamed. I loved both KingRam and TharaFrong they were done so well, acted so well, and they made me laugh and laugh and then squeal and blush. They were too cute. The ending of my engineer left both these couples on a cliff hanger; we had a depressing bro zone with TharaFong as Fong came to realise his feelings, we had a wait what moment with Ram telling King he wasn't drunk when the kiss happened which is essentially a 'we need to deal with this new situation' text. And it's got me so excited to see what happens next. The first part of this was excitement. The second part is sigh, sequels. I told you didn't sequels are just urgh. I couldn't stop my excitement about KingRam, and I went to read the novel, and I usually don't mind it, but I don't think if the sequel is based on their story that I'd like them in season 2. And that's ridiculous because they're finally the main couple of season 2, and TalayPerth is impressive to see on screen. Sigh. I wasn't happy when reading the book; there are specific actions and choices made that just shifts the dynamic of the first season into the opposite. And I'm not particularly excited to relive those moments. Let's just say I still have high hopes for My engineer mostly cause I don't know what's happening to the other couples; I really hope there's a change in the script, maybe more information, more reasons for the characters to act the way they do, more depth? Because I want to like this show, I want it successful, but I'm not a clown I can't pretend it will be if it's based on the books. We'll see if I'm proved wrong. I hope I am.

Ratings: 3.5- Why did I read the book why?? I should have come into it blind I would have given it a 5/5 just for KingRam. Sigh

Love Stage 

Genre: Romance, Comedy, Gender Bender, Friends to Lovers, Childhood friends,  

This was a shock. Thailand has started to remake mangas from Japan, and it's all the most loved ones. In 2021 we already have Antique Bakery being remade by GMMTV (Read my GMMTV Giants of 2021) and now we have Love Stage which is also getting a Japanese Movie remake out in 2021. It's a great manga, anime and it's going to be a fun show. I enjoyed the characters, and I liked the storyline. But what I'm the most excited about when it comes to this is Kaownah and Turbo finally, after years of waiting have a new series. YES. Kaownah plays Long in TharnType our villain, and he was incredible in that. I heard he and Turbo were meant to be in the show My Umbrella, but it was cancelled and forgotten which was disappointing. These two are so cute, they're known for their fanservice and their chemistry and friendship. And I like them a lot. I can't wait to see Love Stage. I think they'll kill it. Can't wait to hear more about it let's hope this time it sticks and comes through on our screens. 

Ratings: 4/5 It's a fun storyline, and it has an excellent acting couple. I'm excited.

If 2021 already sounded brilliant because of GMMTV 2021, 2021 sounds even more exciting with these new shows; there's so many coming out, so many breaking stereotypes, so many unique plotlines, and so many great actors showing up. It's going to be a great year. I'm just glad BLs are growing, things are changing slowly, things are starting to have meaning and improve, international fans are being listened to, LGBT voices is also being listened to, we are getting there, not yet there but closer, every single time someone makes a choice to create a great plot and story that is more than just two guys making out, a show filled with heart, messages and essential representation with the good actors that also want the shows to mean something or are willing to put their all in it, every time someone chooses to make a good BL, you're paving the way for change and for the meaning of BL to change as well, for it just to be seen as something more in media. And that's needed for so many people who want shows like this to be respected and created for voices that need to be heard and displayed. Let’s see more with excellent quality in 2021.

[demetriandelibinaryboyfriends]

AIGHT Y’ALL I wasn’t tagged but I’m doing this anyways because f u c k  i t

It's the year 2021 and you're obsessed with The Karate Kid. How are you feeling?

Deadasss weird as fuck, my dude. Like...out of all the things I could’ve predicted happening in our lord’s year 2021, it definitely was NOT getting hyperfixated on a hammy gay ship with a punk and a nerd from a goddamn karate soap opera. And yet...here we are??? I will never understand hyperfixations, my guy. But I’ve met a lot of really cool people in this fandom, so I can’t really complain.

Did you grow up with TKK or are you new to the series?

I have never seen a single Karate Kid movie in my entire life. When I was a kid, it looked kinda dumb so I never got into it XD But then I saw my roommate watching Cobra Kai on Youtube Red one day (he has every streaming service known to man) and I was hooked. And...here I am!

We gotta do the basics. Favorite character:  

Literally EVERYONE except for Kreese, Yasmine, Kyler, and Tory, sorry stans

Okay but if we gotta pick, Johnny Lawrence is my Problematic Fave. Also I love my boy Daniel, he’s trying his best!!! And Amanda LaRusso, we stan a queen!!!

Among the kids, definitely Miguel, with Demetri as a close second. I also love Sam, Aisha, Moon, and Hawk (pre- and post-Bastardization Arc, anyways XD)!

Favorite ship:  

Take a look at my username and take a WILD FUCKING GUESS lmao Yes it’s Eli/Demetri because DUH, every interaction they have is so fucking gay and Eli fucking saved him!!! And came back to him!!! And betrayed the world’s most terrifying dojo with a WAR CRIMINAL SENSEI all for Demetri!!! And how Demetri was willing to forgive him for everything at the drop of a hat because he always had faith there was still good in his best friend??? That’s TRUE LOVE motherfuckers. Please let them kiss in Season 4. I will sell you all of my limbs. Sam/Miguel is a close second because they’re cute as shit and it’s just so lovely to see two people so unapologetically smitten with each other. They are in LOVE, and I will RIOT if they break up again!!! Keep Sam and Miguel together 2k21!!!

Underrated character:

SAMANTHA LARUSSO!!! The amount of hate my girl gets for acting like a normal teenager and fucking up occasionally JUST like the rest of the cast makes me want to start punching things. She cares SO MUCH about her friends!!! And she loves the shit out of Miguel!!! She hasn’t always been the best friend but you know what??? Neither has Hawk, and we still forgave his ass!!! Also LET HER BE FEMININE but also kick utter ass, my god!!! Femininity should not be synonymous with being weak, y’all! ALSO DEMETRI, like yes, he likes to complain and occasionally run his mouth, but guess what else he likes to do??? Never give up on the love of his life his best friend Eli Moskowitz and refuse to lose faith in him no matter how much of a little shit he’s become, and I for one think that’s very badass of him. Also the way he takes care of Eli pre-Cobra Kai in his own snarky bastard way makes me absolutely Weak and needs more appreciation. Like the dude has charisma and COULD have probably made other friends and left Eli behind if he wanted, but did he??? No, he wants the weepy loser with the lip scar in the polo shirts and dorky sweaters and will protect him as much as his wimpy ass is able!!!

Underrated ship (don’t say therapy, lol):  

Among the adults, Daniel/Amanda!!! Like maybe I just don’t watch that much tv, but it seems kinda rare to me to see a happily married hetero couple, and it’s just nice to see a married couple who genuinely love each other and where there’s not like...lingering resentment or some shit. I feel like this ship gets overshadowed by Lawrusso a lot (which like--okay, fair!!! Daniel and Johnny do have a ridiculous amount of chemistry, and the gay undertones are undeniable, so I get it), and it makes me kinda sad. I do love Lawrusso, but I don’t like when Amanda has to get her heart broke for it to happen, you feel? Among the kids, honestly YasMoon. Like I really love the idea of Yasmine trying to better herself because of Moon’s influence on her and because Moon like...inspires her to be a better person, I guess? With their pretty strong friendship, it just makes more sense to me for Yasmine to get a redemption arc through Moon than through Demetri. ALSO girls DO often pull the whole “mean girl” shtick to cover up being closeted lesbians, and Moon IS canonically bi, so it could work!!! I just think this one could be a really interesting Friends to Lovers take, and could make a really nice coming-out arc for Yas. And MoonPiper too, honestly!!! Like they only got 5 seconds of screentime so I understand WHY it’s underrated, but I still love what we DID get and loved that there was a canon gay ship (even if only for 1 scene lmao). I’m really excited to potentially see more of them in Season 4!!! Please, I’m begging!!!

Wax On, Wax Off or Sweep the Leg?

Sweep the Leg because it will always be deeply hilarious to me how Demetri took note of the first move Eli ever used on him and spent presumably weeks perfecting it OUT OF SPITE just to get him back with it at the soccer game MONTHS later. Just goes to show how OBSESSED Demetri is with Eli and their little karate rivalry which is just NOT straight, I’m sorry

Which of Daniel’s dumb little outfits is your favorite?

There’s something so funny about this pretentious little fuck walking around in fancy suits once he becomes a #SuccessfulBusinessman, and still occasionally trying to do karate in a full-ass suit (take THAT, Tom Cole’s boba!!!) I’m also a big fan of how he looks in his gi with his little headband. Still killing that look as a 40-50-something!!!

Character from the films you most want to return, who’s not Terry Silver:

Tbh I have still never seen a single Karate Kid movie (they took them off of Netflix, RIP), so...I don’t really care if they bring anyone else back??? I’m invested in the characters we already have in the show, I don’t need some rando from the movies to make a cameo to have a good time XD The only character I really wanted them to bring back was Ali, and they already did, so like...I’m good??? That’s all I really needed, I can die in peace now XD

Scene that lives in your head rent-free:

Basically any fluffy Elimetri scene, but 5 in particular: ~Miguel first meeting Eli and Demetri at the lunch table, and Eli looking at Demetri like he hung every goddamn star in the sky ~Demetri going off at a terrifying, “unhinged” karate sensei on the first day of Cobra Kai because he made fun of Eli’s lip and Demetri is not about that shit ~ELI STEALING DEMETRI’S NACHO AND SMIRKING AT HIM, LIKE EXCUSE ME SIR PLEASE BE A LITTLE LESS HOMOSEXUAL IN FRONT OF YOUR GIRLFRIEND ~Eli yanking Demetri onstage during Valley Fest to hold a board, and Demetri being visibly like...extremely turned on when Eli breaks said board ~ELI SAVING DEMETRI DURING THE CHRISTMAS FIGHT, ELI APOLOGIZING, DEMETRI AND ELI KICKING COBRA ASS TOGETHER AKSBDCUWYVCBU

Will Anthony LaRusso ever be relevant?

I hope not! He’s kind of a funny meme character to pop up now and again but I don’t think he deserves a serious plotline when there are so many more interesting characters to follow.

You live in The Valley and are forced into the karate gang war. Which dojo do you join?

Miyagi-Do because Cobra Kai would eat me alive. Also I’d probably straight up get stuck and die in that cement mixer, if I even made it that far XD Besides, being salty that your friend who you have a crush on likes martial arts better than you and starting martial arts to impress them but also being too lazy to join anything TOO intense is a Big Mood and I am certainly not speaking from personal experience here, no sirree

What’s your training montage song?

"Shut Up and Drive” by Rihanna for a weight-training and bicep-flexing montage, “Whatever It Takes” by Imagine Dragons for a more intense punching-and-kicking-shit montage. I don’t know why this is, I just feel it in my heart.

It’s the crossover event of the century! Which TV show are you combining with Cobra Kai for an hour-long Saturday night special?

*Briefly panics because I don’t actually watch that much TV and most of the stuff I do watch is fantasy/sci fi shit that absolutely would not work for a CK crossover*

Hmmmm okay but ACTUALLY

You know what would be fucking funny as hell would be an It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia crossover. Allow me to elaborate: ~The Gang goes to LA on vacation during the height of the Karate Dojo Wars. They literally can get barely anything done without all these goddamn karate-fighting teenagers getting in the way. ~They are all very annoyed by this. Even the most obscure of tourist attractions is eventually intercepted by karate fights. ~Mac tries to join Cobra Kai because he sees all this karate fighting on, and wants to unquestionably prove both his badassery and masculinity. Both Johnny and Kreese are like “Wtf are you doing here? Aren’t you like 30?” ~Mac gets a planet-sized crush on Johnny after all of 5 minutes and endlessly gushes to the gang about him. The gang mercilessly roast him about this and about how much of a pathetic loser with his life together in no way whatsoever Johnny sounds like. They proceed to have exactly 0 self awareness about this. ~The Waitress is in town visiting family or something, and Charlie is stalking her, as per usual. However, every time he’s about to go up and talk to her, a pack of battling Miyagi-Dos and Cobra Kais throwing punches and kicks everywhere blocks his path. One times, Mac is among one of these packs and Charlie is like “???? He didn’t get kicked out of that teen karate dojo yet???” ~Seeing how much the Kids These Days seem to like fighting, Charlie drops by a local high school to try and sell Fight Milk to the kids doing karate. Only Kyler and Brucks buy into it, and subsequently get the entire West Valley High wrestling team sick. Charlie is inevitably arrested, as Counselor Blatt thinks he’s selling the kids drugs. ~Dennis makes a plan to have sex with every hot chick he can in Los Angeles. He meets Ali on a dating app post-divorce, and inevitably tries to bang her. It doesn’t work. ~Frank crashes the rental car, and inevitably the gang ends up at one of Daniel’s dealerships. Dee quickly takes a liking to Daniel and is like “Watch, assholes--Imma homewreck this guy’s marriage.” She starts frequenting the dealerships to attempt to flirt with Daniel, until one day she walks in on him having sex with Johnny in a back room and she’s like “Is that the guy from Mac’s goddamn dojo?!?!” ~Dennis, of course, tries to sleep with Amanda. Amanda is not having it, and rebukes him in the most snarky, Amanda-esque way possible. Dennis is just like “Oh not AGAIN--the women in this goddamn diva city have too high of standards!” ~Later on, the gang is at the beach and Dennis spots the blonde lady he went out on an ill-fate date with, and decides to give it another shot--that is, until he sees her go up and kiss another woman and he’s like “IS THAT THE LADY FROM THE CAR DEALERSHIP??? STUPID-KARATE-KICK-COMMERCIAL’S WIFE?!? YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME.” ~Dee complains to Dennis about her lack of luck getting laid, and Dennis is just like “Oh come ON, is everyone in Los Angeles gay???” Smash cut to Hawk and Demetri having sex, Moon and Piper making out, Bert and Nate holding hands, Chris and Mitch doing oral, and Amanda, Ali, and Carmen having a threesome. ~Frank tries to scam Kreese into buying cheaply-made karate equipment for his dojo. The gang ends up having to leave LA because Kreese is quite literally plotting all of their murders.

For tagging, uuuuhhhhhh @jackonthelongwalk @soe-leo @max-eagle-fang @cc-tinslebee @backawayfromthegay @asphodel-storm do the thing, if y’all haven’t yet!

[canonicallysoulmates]

Walker 1.11

That. Was. So. Good! I loved everything about this, except Geri breaking Hoyt’s heart but we’ll get to that in a minute. 

Let me tell y’all when Jared tweets that a Walker episode is gonna be big he has yet to lie about it, he tweeted it about episode 9 and that was excellent, he tweeted it about this one and this was amazing. Sidenote: Whenever he can Jared live tweets Walker! So, if you’re watching this show live check out his twitter, send him love and let him know how much you’re enjoying the show. And even if you’re not watching live do that anyways ❤

On to the episode! 

Hoyt is out of prison and everyone is thrilled...except for Walker who is probably wishing the ground would swallow him up because if y’all remember he and Geri kissed. In show time a month has passed, and I think it’s the same in real time because this show did go on break after that episode but I’m not gonna bother to check, point is a month has passed since the kiss and they have yet to talk about it; Hoyt is a free man, and the Walker fam and friends are throwing him a Welcome Home party at the Side Step. How delightfully awkward! 

Hoyt is happy as a clam about being free and having his girl and his best friend by his side but also suspicious because Geri is acting weird. Geri is a mess of confusion over her emotions and feelings. And Walker wants to talk to Geri about what happened while also desperately hoping Hoyt does not find out that while he was in prison his longtime best friend who’s like a brother to him made out with the love of his life. And they have kept it a secret for a month. 

Luck was temporarily on Walker’s side because just when Geri has had enough and she’s ready to spill to Hoyt what happened, the man gives a speech in which he not for the first time publicly and loudly professes his love for Geri and right after Walker and Micki get alerted that the prison bus who was transporting Trevor’s dad, Clint, and Jaxon was intercepted and the prisoners escaped! Which is a bigger problem for Cordell than what he has realized cause he still doesn’t know that Clint not only knows who he really is but knows he’s not dead. For anyone who’s confused Clint was the leader of the Rodeo Kings, the gang Walker ran with when he was undercover as Duke, and Jaxon was another one of the members.

So, Walker and Micki are on the case and first they go to a bank where Clint had a safety deposit box but that man sneaked in and out without them noticing and now the game is on cause he left a little message for “Duke” inside the box about keeping the circle small and the lies honest or something like that along with a bandana.  Since things at the bank did not pay off they head off to prison to visit someone I did not think we would see again: Twyla Jean. Y’all will remember her from episode 5, she was Duke’s ex. Now when we first met this girl I did not much care for her but in this episode I not only liked her, I felt bad for her and I hope Walker keeps his word (cause he told her he’d visit her) and we get to see her again. 

Twyla Jean was left out of the escape plan so she doesn’t know about what the other two are planning, but she does remember and tells Walker about a cabin that Clint used to take his kid to; which is when Micki walks in, while Walker was talking with Twyla she got her hands on Clint’s visitor logs and shocker they reveal Trevor had been visiting Clint. Welcome to the party Walker, it took you a while to figure that one out. 

Twyla’s information about the cabin is invaluable because that is Trevor and Stella’s location. 

While all of that was going on, Trevor took Stella to the mentioned cabin where his parents used to take him as a kid because there’s money hidden in there, it’s a safe place, and they turned off their phones so they have zero idea that Clint and Jaxon are on the loose. Reasons for them being in the cabin in the first place is that they’re young, stupid, think they’re in love, and for those reasons had decided to run away together in the last episode. Trevor is ready to hightail it out of Texas with the help of his father’s I’m 99% positive was illegally obtained money, but Stella thought they were just taking a break from their parents which leads to a fight between them but they work it out, and...Trevor is a dumb bitch who burns the money, along with the fake passports, but who cares about the passports the money 😩 

Unsurprisingly Clint and Jaxon find the kids but Trevor was able to help Stella out the window and for once this girl was smart cause when he told her to run she ran! Jaxon chases her down but thankfully for her Walker had arrived, sadly for Walker she panicked and accidentally shot him. Not mortally, but enough to leave him with only one arm for fighting which did not prevent him in any way, shape, or form from kicking Jaxon’s ass! Which was hot af! YES CORDELL! YOU GO BABY 🔥 

And Micki also got to kick a little ass, yas girl! 😍

If you’ve read some of my previous opinion posts about this show you know I’m not exactly a fan of Stella but in this episode I love her, at one point I even wanna give her a hug because this poor child has yet to learn love is not enough to save people; this, running away with her wannabe bad boy boyfriend, scaring the crap out of her dad in the process and her only reason being some equivalent of ‘but daddy, i love him’, is the kind of realistic dumb teenage shit I’ve been wanting to see from her. 

So, in this episode I love her, I also loved her brother because in the few scenes he had he was giving his dad some attitude, it’s one of the few times I’ve seen that kid have a personality writers please let him keep it. 

Keeping in theme of this episode making me care about characters I hadn’t before: Trevor. Stella may have gotten away but Trevor got grabbed by his dad! And while before I hadn’t cared much for him, now I’m worried for his safety and want his dad to give him back.

The next morning, in Geri’s house, Hoyt is setting up a heart made out of all the plastic rings he has given Geri over the years. He is going to do a proper proposal this time, he even has ring which he got from Abeline who was engaged when she met Bonham- WHAT????? Was that info given before and I just forgot? Mama Walker is just full of surprises...anyways Hoyt’s proposal is actually really sweet and up until this moment I didn’t realize how much I cared about this character; I was screaming at my screen for Geri to say yes and not break his heart but she did anyways 😭 First she blurted out that she and Cordell had kissed, which Hoyt was willing to forgive, and then when he told her he forgave her she still said no cause she’s all a mess. My heart broke for this poor man, listen Hoyt Rowlins has many flaws but that man has been loyal to Geri for years, and I know okay I know that ultimately she did the right thing because if she’s not sure about marrying him it’s better to tell him than say yes and string him along but I’m still on Hoyt’s side on this. Besides, she technically strung him along anyways cause she kissed Cordell a month ago! And I don’t know how intentional this was of the writers but it comes across like Geri has had feelings for Cordell for a while, and like maybe she wasn’t as in love with Hoyt as he was in love with her. Hoyt deserves better. 

Honestly, this made me dislike her, and I officially don’t like the idea of her and Walker being romantically involved; I hope they don’t end up dating or if they do that it lasts just a short while with them realizing that they’re just looking for comfort in someone familiar because otherwise it’d be a relationship that came at the price of breaking and/or damaging a years long friendship, and Hoyt is not a bad friend and those two do not make a good enough couple to make that okay. 

And then it all ends in cliffhanger: Walker arrives home with Stella, Hoyt is already there waiting to kick his ass, Clint and Trevor may not be far behind we don’t know cause the last we see is Clint driving down a road. 

And that was episode 11! It was amazing; the writers did magic with this one cause characters I haven’t cared much for or at all suddenly I’m invested. This was truly one of the best episodes, and this post is coming a little later than usual so if you haven’t seen this epi yet this show is available for free streaming on the CW website and the app- and if it doesn’t let you stream because you’re outside the US get a VPN 😉

[vancilocs]

Ive got a headache so im not gonna read every single option presented so top half for fuckerswoods wolf vampire hunter polycule aaand neja and yecal (or dana and hecca if neja and tecal have been answered for this already)

have a paracetamol and a lay down xx

1. Who's the one who's reckless and always getting into trouble while the other gotta pull em out

If anyone gets into trouble it's Kältre, but the others keep him so well in check that if he's even thinking of sneaking into the forest during new moon Soren will either go along or pull him back by the hood

2. Who's the one to send the other "I love my gf/bf" memes

Nanoha would send pictures of piles of cats cuddling and just go that's us!

3. Who's the one who listens to a music genre the other doesn't like and how does the other react

They all play well together, nobody hates the music the other listens to

4. Which one spoils the other more and do they ever get competetive to show the other more love

Everyone is very spoiled with four pairs of hands on them, nobody gets left out so it doesn't become a competition

5. How many years did it take to get married or was it just not for them

Given how open their relationship was in the beginning nobody really considered marriage, and now it would just be such a hassle with five people

6. Is their friends/family supportive

It's... a little weird to them but hey, everyone's happy and the relationship works so why not. If anything, Soren's family is weirded out by him shacking up with a vampire and Striga's parents being likewise mistrustful of a werewolf

7. How does one comfort the other when the other is in distress/having a panic attack/crying

In wildly different ways, ranging from Kältre arming himself to kill a bitch and Nanoha starting to make soup. Virve and Striga are the types to hug or hold hands if allowed and ask what's wrong, Soren is the type to just hug. One of the five starts crying and there's a swarm of comfort around immediately

8. Which one dissociates

Striga and Soren tend to during new moon/full moon respectively, best to just leave them to lay in bed for the day bc their energy is at 0

9. Which one stares at the other's booty like "damn" and how does the other react when catching them

Nanoha and Striga are a bit flustered, Virve and Kältre like it, Soren is indifferent. All do look at butts tho

10. When they live together what kinda place do they live in? What does their home look like?

It's an old hunting hut that was converted to a living space by Virve's family when she moved in with Kältre, it's kinda small for five people but it's cozy, it's warm, it's pretty cluttered and one of the corners has been turned into a mattress/pillow/blanket/fur pile that fits all five

11. What do their dates look like

Walks in the forest, grabbing some food and walking to a meadow or stream to eat, going for a swim, going to the nearby village for a drink, staying home when the three others are gone and enjoying peace and quiet for a while

12. How does each act when getting drunk

Kältre gets loud and clumsy, Soren gets sleepy and cuddly, Virve also kinda loud but less so than Kältre, Nanoha gets giggly and sloppy and has to be looked after, Striga barely drinks because it hits her so hard, she gets emotional and very clumsy

13. Which one rolls over in the morning to wake up the other one just to give them a kiss

Striga and Nanoha give kisses but don't wake the others up, Virve will wake them up if it's almost noon and it's time to get your butt out of bed

14. Have they saved each other's lives before

Striga is fairly sure she would have made it out of the blizzard during new moon if by just huddling under a rock, but Soren finding her and bringing her to a warm spot didn't do any harm for sure

15. Does one have an interest the other thinks is weird but wants to listen to it regardless

Not really, whatever little crafts they do is something the others are always interested in and willing to hear about

16. Which one uses cropped hentai as reaction images

Virve and Kältre, and Nanoha uses one by mistake and Kältre informs her that it's from a hentai and she goes and how did you know that you wee cunting man

17. Does one of them kinkshame the other

Nanoha thinks Virve and Kältre have too much interest in Soren's werewolf and Striga's full vampire forms

18. Is one of them self conscious about their body? If so how does the other comfort them

Not really, Striga is a lil ashamed about her cold hands and feet sometimes but it's fine to the others, put on some woolly socks and put your hand on Virve's tiddy, it's soft and warm

19. What kinda joyrides do they go on? Relaxing ones or wild ones?

Soren agrees one time to let Kältre sit on his back and come along to a proper werewolf hike, very very wild ride

20. Where would they vacation for a honeymoon

No time for vacations, the grind never stops --------------

21. Do people ever get annoyed of their PDA

Honestly sometimes yeah, hands off his tiddies for once woman

22. Would they live in the city of the country

They live in the city, Neja grew up in a city too so it's comfortable for her

23. Are either of them mentally ill, if so how do they help one another cope

Not really? I can believe Yecal having some kind of PTSD from some events but nothing very severe. Neja will cuddle and pet feathers if needed

24. Does one have a spot on them where they would melt when the other kisses them there

General tender spots for Neja are the sides, inner thighs, neck, nothing unusual

25. Do they dance together

Neither really knows how to dance but it doesn't stop them

26. Do they sing together

Ditto, it's not super pretty but they have fun

27. Which one is better at cooking than the other and makes most the dinners

They are both alright at cooking, Neja makes some mean spicy noodles and Yecal some proper sauce, if one is running late from work then the other can have food ready just fine

28. Are they a reckless couple or safe

They began as very reckless but have toned it down a lot for each other

29. What be they kinks and do they try each other's kinks

Yecal gets pegged

30. What would their Valentine's gifts be to each other

Neja with a ribbon on her boobs (maybe some wine if she wants to splurge, some candy), she enjoys flowers and candy and wine herself

31. Do they get into fights often? If so what do they fight over and how do they make up

Not often, if anything it's small arguments about money of if Yecal tried to fix something he doesn't know how to and made a mess when Neja was gone. They make up with kisses and hugs every time though, nobody stays mad for long

32. Which one's top, bottom, verse

They switch flawlessly, sometimes a small girl wants to be small girl and sometimes she wants to ram her husband into the mattress yanno

33. Who would fight in honor for the other if someone would insult them

Yecal will defend Neja in anything, she needs to be held back also because she do be smol

34. Which one has a favorite movie that they have the other watch with them again and again

If either then Neja

35. Do they want kids

Nah, neither dislikes them but they don't want any of their own. They struggle keeping a houseplant alive so no way they would have a kid

[sinner-as-saint]

Eye For An Eye - 5.

Bucky Barnes AU.

Part 5 of the Eye For An Eye series

Run-through: Battered and bruising, Y/N is out to seek sweet revenge from a man, James Buchanan Barnes, who tore her family apart 10 years ago. Y/N’s plan was simple; infiltrate his life, mess with his head, toy with his heart and leave him broken. Headstrong, she will stop at nothing… not even when it comes down to her being the villain in her own story.

Themes: CEO! Bucky, angst, language.

a/n: PURE ANGST AHEAD. PROCEED WITH CAUTION.

You drove as fast as you could, trying to get to your mom as quickly as possible.

For some reasons, you couldn’t help but think about Bucky. 

Not that you cared about him, all you could focus on was your mom at the moment, but the thought of Bucky wouldn’t leave your head. He was like a ghost. Somehow, he was always there – in the back of your mind. Lurking, dangerously close but also not too close at the same time. But he was there, in your head. Surely, but discretely.

And you couldn’t do anything about it. You tried focusing more on work and keep yourself distracted for the past few days, and you did fine when you were away from home. But once you entered your apartment doors – the loneliness gripped you by the throat and didn’t let go.

It’s not him you missed, obviously. But you missed the company of someone fun. Someone whose arms you could rush in without a second thought after a long day, knowing they’d make everything better. Someone who listened to your worries, no matter how dramatic and minor. Someone who would dance with you in the dimly lit kitchen at 2 a.m. when you both can’t sleep. Someone who cared.

Who are you kidding, Y/N? He is not caring. He’s an arrogant ass, remember?

Yeah. Yeah, he is.

Maybe.

 -

The drive to your mom’s house was emotionally exhausting. You were worried for her, and also anxious. You were starting to tear up even though you had no idea of what was going on. Then you realized that you were fully crying in your car because you felt empty inside. Then you wanted to smack yourself for even thinking for a split second that maybe, maybe what you did to Bucky was wrong. And that this was karma, probably.

Hurt people hurt people, sure. But it’s a vicious cycle, and it never stops. You started overthinking. Bucky was wrong for what he did to you and your family. Then why did it feel wrong after you hurt him? Or maybe you had spent so much time hating him that now when he isn’t here for you to secretly hate, it felt weird.

Was it weird? Or were you making yourself feel that way intentionally? Were you admitting that what did was probably wrong? Were you refusing to admit that you felt bad for-

God, fuck this! Mom, please be okay. Please be okay. Please be okay.

You rushed to her place and got out of the car without even checking to see if you had parked well or not. Honestly, you didn’t care.

You ran up to her apartment because the elevator was not functioning at the time and by the time you reached her floor, your heart beats were insane. You ran to her door, and knocked furiously. “Mom! Mom it’s me! Open up, please.” You had tears streaming down your face as every possible bad thought flashed through your mind.

It felt like your heart skipped a beat when the door opened and revealed someone unexpected on the other side.

He was smiling. He looked a little tired, and his hair was a little grey and so was his beard but he smiled brighter than ever.

“Dad?” you felt like you were about to pass out because a million thoughts and even more questions flooded your head.

“Hi honey!” he opened his arms and you rushed into them; burying your face into his chest and holding him close. You hadn’t hugged him in years. You almost couldn’t believe it. “Don’t cry honey, I’m here now. I’ve got you. It’s okay.” He comforted you and kissed the top of your head. It all felt like a dream. Like the kind you have and you pray you never wake up because it’s so much better than the reality you live in.

But this wasn’t a dream. This was real. You dad was here, for some miraculous reasons and that was all that mattered.

After you calmed down, and the tears stopped. You walked in to find your mom smiling through her tears. “It’s okay, honey. It’s all okay now. I’m sorry, I know I had you worried but I didn’t know what to say to you on the phone.” Your mom said as she hugged you tightly.

You sniffled and told her it was alright, just never to do that to you again because you were worried sick. Once you all had shared countless hugs and shed a lot of tears, you bombarded your dad with questions. How did he come home? How did he get out of jail? Why now all of a sudden?

And his reply surprised you.

“Apparently, James Buchanan Barnes took back the case.” You dad said to you. And for a moment, it felt as though the world had stopped.

“What?” both you and your mom asked simultaneously. Although your tone held much more disbelief than surprise.

Your dad explained further.

“It surprised me too honestly. They walked in my cell and told me I was free to go. 11 years in jail, and they just said I was free to go. I was happy, more than happy actually.” He paused and looked at you and smiled.

You dad told you all about how the cops told him that Mr. Barnes asked them to close the case. And how he confessed that he had forged evidence and lied to the law to have your dad locked away years ago. They told him he had a huge fine to pay and he even sent a written apology to your dad.

Your dad took the note and placed it on the table, but you didn’t dare open it. Your mom did though, without hesitation. She read it in less than a minute and didn’t say anything afterwards.

“You forgive him?” you asked, lowering your eyes to look at the coffee table rather than looking at your parents.

Your dad chuckled. “Shouldn’t I? I mean, I’m free now. Sure he was wrong but honey, although late he realized his mistake, right? I mean look at this,” your dad pushed the note towards you, but you still didn’t pick it up, “He even gave me my job back. And he’s willing to pay me d-,”

“It’s not about money, dad!” you sounded much more bitter than you intended. “It’s not about money! You can’t forgive him just because he’s willing to pay you back or just because he gave you your job back! No amount of his money will bring back the past years mom and I spent without you.” You were in tears by the time you finished talking.

You didn’t even know why you were crying. Was it frustration? Was it anger? Was it a mix of both? Was it the fact that Bucky was still solving the problems in your life after you had absolutely crushed him to bits and pieces? Or was it because that last part was true and it made you feel terrible now, that he still cared?

“Honey, it doesn’t matter if it’s about money or not. Your dad’s back with us and that’s what should be important. Why are you being like this?” Your mom figured you were acting strange.

“Y/N, look at me.” Your dad spoke, and you looked into his eyes with tears in your own. “I know something’s wrong. I’ve known for a while. You’re not yourself, honey. What’s wrong?”

And that was it.

You broke down and cried. A lot. You dad got up from the couch and walked over to hug you. Your mom was concerned and it was very visible on her face.

“Dad, I –, I did something.”

 You told your parents everything. Your whole plan, and how well you executed it. You told them what you did, and why. You told them about every bitter word you told Bucky and how long you had him fooled.

And the disappointed look on their faces was hard to bear. “I’m not proud of me either. I thought I was doing the right thing. I thought I would be proud, that I should be. But now it’s just…” you didn’t know what else to say.

Your dad spoke up first.

“When did you turn into this, Y/N?” he asked. He sounded defeated.

You sighed and wiped the silent tears away. “Dad, I did it because he ruined my life. And yours. And-,”

Your dad cut you off. “You had no right, Y/N. No one has the right to play with someone’s feelings like that. This isn’t you, honey. My daughter would never do that to a man. You were never raised to become such a manipulative person, were you?” He was disappointed, you could hear it in his voice and see it in his eyes.

Your emotions were all over the place. And now, you were irritated again.

“He deserved it.” you said so more to yourself. The guilt disappeared momentarily and you were angry again. “I get that he was having trouble dealing with his loss. But he had no right to put you in jail just because he wanted to. He deserved it.” you said again, more so to yourself.

Your dad sighed, looked back at your mom and looked back at you again. “What- are you even hearing yourself right now, Y/N? Yes, he was wrong. But you are as well, for doing this to him.”

“Why are you siding with him all of a sudden?” your anger could be heard as you argued. Your dad sighed and walked up to you and cupped your face in his hands.

“I’m not siding with anyone. But you’re my little girl, no matter how grown up you get you’ll always be my little girl. And as your dad it’s my job to tell you when you’re doing something wrong. Honey, this is wrong.”

You couldn’t agree even if you wanted to. You couldn’t, not now, not after all you’ve done.

“He took you away from me.” You simply said, and you could see your dad starting to tear up as well.

“He lost his dad, and-“

You cut him off. “I lost my dad too! Because of him!” you raised your voice just a little. Your dad lowered his hands and sighed again.

“No you didn’t. I was locked away, but I wasn’t dead, Y/N.” your dad reasoned. And you kept your mouth shut this time. “You came to see me whenever you wanted to. We talked, we joked and we laughed. He didn’t get to do that, because George was dead.” He paused, and continued again. “You didn’t lose your dad, Y/N. I’m right here. His loss was permanent. Yours was not.”

You hated to admit that he was right. You could have admitted that you had been wrong, but your pride and ego got in the way. So did all the pain, and pent up anger of the past years. You didn’t want to admit that you were wrong.

But somewhere, you knew you were.

 “If I hadn’t done what I did dad, you would still be locked up right now. If I hadn’t done what I did, he wouldn’t have realized his mistake. Hell, he didn’t even remember your name until I brought it up. This had to be done.” You argued, trying to cover up your guilt.

You dad shook his head.

“I’d rather stay behind bars than see you become this,” he pointed at you. “Listen to yourself, Y/N. You refuse to accept that you’re wrong. You manipulated a man who loved you for 2 years! I know my daughter, she’s kind. She’d loving, and she’s good and she has a heart. You’re not her right now.”

“Dad, please! I just got you back, don’t do this to me, I-“

 “Enough both of you!” your mom had to intervene because knowing you and your dad, this could go on for hours.

“You were wrong, honey. And you need to apologize to that man. Look at what you’ve become, Y/N. You say he’s destructive and power-driven then you go around and act the same way he did all those years ago. You’re blinded by your emotions and you can’t see the possible consequences of your actions. And I know you’re being stubborn. But even you know you owe him an apology.” Your dad spoke again.

 You couldn’t think at the moment, so you gave up the argument. “Can we, not fight please? I need some time dad, just don’t be mad at me. I missed you.”

You hugged him and he hugged you back. “I missed you too honey.”

 You ended up clearing all your differences with your parents, and although very disappointed with your actions, they couldn’t stay mad at you for long.

You sat with your parents in your mom’s living room, just talking. Your mom held your dad’s hand and laid her head on his shoulder. Like she always did whenever you used to have movie nights. Seeing your parents together, you suddenly felt hollow inside.

There was a time when you and Bucky would spend nights like these; quiet and chill evenings. You’d hold his hand, and place your head on his shoulder. And he’d make you laugh with his silly jokes and in moments like those, you’d forget that you’re supposed to hate him with everything in you.

Because in moments like those, you didn’t hate him.

Fuck.

 ---

You left your parents at around 9 p.m. and made your way home, promising them that you’d come over for the weekend to spend more time with your dad, now that your family was complete at last.

As you drove home, you still felt hollow. Not even your dad’s return filled the void completely. The emptiness just kept growing and growing.

You stopped at a red light, and stared at your phone; which was lying on the passenger seat. And only one name kept resurfacing in your mind.

Bucky.

Should I call him? And say what, I’m sorry? Sorry for wasting 2 years of your life, and sorry for breaking your heart? Sorry for making you think that I loved you when I didn’t? Or did I?

What an phenomenal apology that would be!  

Sorry for all I did, but thanks for reuniting my family even after I emotionally crushed you? I’m sorry for thinking that revenge would solve all my problems?

Ugh!

I’ll call him once I get home. You told yourself. Then you got home, but didn’t call.

I’ll call him after I shower. You told yourself again. Then you showered, but still didn’t call. You were avoiding the confrontation, you knew. But it had to be done. Your dad’s words echoed in your head.

Right, this is it.

You mindlessly turned the TV on, as a background noise and you held your phone in your hand while looking at the TV screen. The boring news was on, but you didn’t pay attention.

You unlocked your phone and your thumb hovered over his contact name. And you hesitated for a second or two, but then you tapped on the screen. It rang, and rang but he wasn’t picking up.

You tried again. Nothing.

 “What am I doing?” you asked yourself out loud while you paced around in your living room.

Dad’s right, this was foolish. This whole thing was. What was I thinking? Life’s not a movie, revenge don’t work in real life. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid.

Then you heard it. His name, on TV – on the news.

 “Famous business tycoon, James Buchanan Barnes was involved in a brutal car accident earlier this evening. Barnes was apparently drunk driving on the highway when he lost control of the car. Barnes is currently very much critical and has been hospitalized – “

Everything felt like it had stopped again. You couldn’t hear the TV because your heartbeats rang in your ears. You couldn’t see anything because your tears blurred your vision.

And you felt yourself slowly falling to your knees, silently crying. Perhaps you might have been sobbing too but you couldn’t hear anything other than your loud heartbeats.

Please don’t leave me.

Your thoughts were a mess.

---

Tag List for this Series: (OPEN)

@filia-sapientiae

@learisa

@starydreamer

@buckybarnesatemyheart

@fckdusername

@fanfictionaries

@fangirlwantstofangirlinpeace

@briarrose

@loser-alert

@sebastiansboxers

@readermia

@pining-and-tired

@lokigonnakmsforbucky

@yennyaigoo

@nikkipea

@equals123

@virgoroses

@overlycrazyobsessivefangirl

@vintagepink

@theoralpha

@wretchedgoddess

@pnkthunder

@sebastianstansqueen

@inquisitor-selvala

@abbyalee

@sebssweettooth

@undeadvampwere

@lovemesomeavengers

@babyboyjames

@kat-soudone

@mytbel0st

@tyranneosaurus

@brem-skywalker @irespostthingsiwanttoseelater @heda-mikaelson @msyvettebroussard @shay-rav @noirwarrior20 @bmrobichaud @mycobrakai1972 @ilovemysupersoldiers

Permanent Tag List:

@the-omni-princess

@saharzek

@unlikelycandylove

@sparkling-gayyyy

@minetticatinwonderland

@imsoft-barnes

@destiel-artemis

@pleasforhelp

@randomfangirlonline

@peaceinourtime82

@blvck-stabbath

@nec-me-ire

@sexytholland

@isabelcrichards

@ahappylilybug2019

@Lighterey

@gentlethunderstorm

@scarlettequinn

@elevatorsnot-worthy

@ya-lyublu-tebya

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@mmyepic

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@mischeviousliar

@stuckybarton

@vnarniav

@wintersoldier1017

@mannls

@cal-ifornication

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@miraclesoflove

@Bucky-barnes-doll

@stangirl-fangirl264

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@marvelsangels

@twsbuckybarnes

@lovvliies

@deadscarlight

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@thesoldierrogers

@neerness

@pinkcigar-ettes

@ladymidnightt

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@mandi616

@h3xenkind

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@theoria850

@angelsuni

@phantom-soilder

@softboibarnes @kaetastic @that-place-called-middle-earth @squirrelacorngliterfarts @fckdusername @20coldhearts @marvelismysafezone 

Everything Tag List:

@charmed-asylum

@ravenmoore14

@stangirl-fangirl264

@xbuckxnastyx

@starkerhowlter

@fafulous

@smolandrare-coffee-bean

@alexxcorona113

@heartislubbingdubbing

@buggy-blogs

@livsheph

@tt-nikithakppr

@chowder200

@curlyhairedandconfused

@beckloves

@inez-lannister-stark-martell

@amantedelcalcio

@reniescarlett

@siriusjohnpotter

@scarygoodgirl

@ladymidnightt

@unlikelycandylove

@fentybucky

@marshyrebelcloud

@talk-geek-to-me

@tasteslikeblueberries

@the-jer-bear

@aynaraxas

@dreams-in-blxck

@socksracoon10

@moony-tonks-lupin

@anncutamarica

@secretlyactivated

@xoxabs88xox

@noirwarrior20

@chrisevansgirl

@starydreamer

@shutup-sorry

@sofutostuff

@coconutqueen21

@precious-starkerr

@bangtan-serendipity

@swoonhui

@mayumiirenetheodora

@fvithsxo

@sweetkingdomstarlight-blog

@sambucky8

@marvelrose

@morrellica

@Fuxkening

@mrsbarneswillseeyounow

@thewitchysoldier

@gogokeener

@fivesosbucky

@trop-mango @grayxswan @rvgrsbrns @buckysegerton @tonib666 @el-lizzie  @wintersswidow​ @snazzyjazzyjayy​ @enigma-xlii​ @ii-ir-ii​ @hitherequeen 

Sebastian / Bucky Tag List:

@great-goddess-of-sin​ @richhdesire​ @nd1998sc​ @theoralpha​

[quasieli]

top six: fictional characters that give you gender envy, flowers, little things that make you happy and d&d moments :D

Ooh lotsa questions!

Gender Envy:

1) Bow from She-Ra (2018). Something about buff athletic dude who wears crop tops and is soft as hell is very Gender to me.

2) Vax from Critical Role. Pretty boy, kinda goth rogue? That’s sexy as hell and I wish that was me. 

3) In a wildly different idea of gender envy, I’ve been thinking about it lately and @quantum-lesbian’s character in the Frostmaiden game I’m in with them, Ambrose, is Big Gender. Beautiful non-binary drow with a starry and kinda witchy aesthetic that dresses super grandly and ostentatiously no matter the occasion? Yes please.

4) Pete from The Unsleeping City, specifically season two. I adore season one Pete but season two Pete that works in a queer bookshop and has a teapot arcane focus, is artsy and is unapologetically a trans man who doesn’t give a shit about gender roles? Sign me the fuck up.  

5) Beau from Critical Role. Buff GNC lesbian mixed with academia, but like academia from the prospective of a grad student with ADHD trying to learn everything about their special interests? A+, I love her and I’m jealous. 

6) I’m gonna cheat a lil bit for this last one. I know the prompt is fictional characters, but Julia Lepetit and Jacob Andrews in their Hitman streams? Simultaneously both of them were Gender for me. Jacob esp felt like that for me, which is weird cause dresses can make me dysphoric, but I am also slightly envious of the Dude in a Dress type of gender presentation. 

Can you tell that I’m a confused trans masc enby

Gonna put it under the cut from here cause oof, there’s still a lot more.

Flowers:

1) Big slut for Sunflowers, always have been, always will be.

2) Fun fact, my dad’s family used to own a flower shop (in like the 70s, so I never got to see it :(), and one of their big things was hydrangeas. My dad has always loved them and now I love the snowballs too!  

3) A recent favorite, the Baker’s Globe Mallow. It’s a type of flower that only grows from the soils of forests that have been affected by wildfires. It’s a simple little flower but I love the idea of something beautiful rising from the ashes after tragedy. A little dramatic, but I’m queer, ofc I’m dramatic.

4) Roses are another important flower to my family (Rose was a family name for a couple generations), and ya know, they’re a classic. 

5) There’s this beautiful magnolia tree in front of my house that blooms with the most beautiful white and pink flowers every spring, and it’s one of my favorite things to see every year. 

6) There’s so many different types of Lillies and they’re all very pretty, but the Purple Stargazer is prob my favorite.

Little Things That Make Me Happy:

1) My cat, Maddie. She may be a cranky girl at times, but she is also very sweet and will always be my baby (even though she is 12). 

2) Not a little thing really, but my best friend. Just getting a sweet/silly text from her or the two of us chilling in a room, sitting in a comfortable silence because we just like being together, nothing better. 

3) Baking, esp if I’m doing it for others. I’m not much of a sweets person myself, a little treat every once in a while type person, but I love baking. It’s a very relaxing process for me, even when it can sometimes get stressful, but seeing people enjoying something I made, especially something that brought me great joy to make, is simply the best. 

4) In the same sorta vein, crafting and other art, but that’s a bit more personal. I love making things for others, but art, particularly drawing, is something I do more for me. It’s such a great feeling when you can get into a really good art mood and just sink yourself into a project. I love it.

5) My plush toys. Yes, I am a 23 year old, no I will not stop loving my plushies. I just got a few new friends, which I made a post about recently, and they such good cuddle buddies. However, there is one king amongst them all. I have this old, beat up christmas puppy beanie baby, on his tag named Jingle Pup, but I just call him Jingle. I had one version of him since I was like 6, but he currently lives on a shelf cause he is very beaten up and fragile, but his “brother”, who I got when I was 8, is still in kinda good shape and is currently chilling on my chest as I type this lol.

6) Again, not a little thing, but it’s important to mention; D&D. The game itself is such a joy, but truly the best part of it is the people. I love creating stories and memories with people through this weird little game. Truly one of my favorite things to do.

D&D Moments:

These are all gonna be personal moments, rather than anything from actual play shows/podcasts. RC is Reforged Campaign, where I play Saube, and FM is Frostmaiden, where I play Sparks.

1) RC - Meeting Mahety, Saube’s girlfriend. We met her way back in session 12 and we are now up to like session 73. Saube saw her and was immediately big heart eyes at her but also felt a bit awkward and shy. So, being a game a dice, I decided to roll. 10 or higher, Saube would talk to her, 9 or lower, she’d stay put. I rolled a 17, 17 is now a lucky number for me. I love Mahety and I’d die for her. 

2) FM - This was an insane fight that should not have been so crazy, but in a fairly early session, my group went up against an angry druid and her awakened animals. So much batshit stuff happened in that fight, and we unfortunately lost our bread loving bard (RIP Agneyis), but one of my favorite combat turns happened in this fight. Our artificer, Omaren, has a robe of useful items and one of the patches on it creates a large pit. Thinking quickly, Omaren tore off the patch, slid it under one of the dire wolves we were fighting and created a looney tunes style pit under it, allowing us to take it out easily via pot shots. Such a clutch move and such a funny visual, especially because the dire wolf kept failing the checks to get out of the pit.  

3) RC - Saube’s Zebrith (I will never remember how this actually spelled RIP). So, for context, Saube ended up with a death curse (long story) that mechanically meant they had disadvantage on any death saving throws. Scary as hell, need to get that fixed! So, Saube and their party had to be smuggled into another country to talk with some religious leaders of a goddess known as The First, the goddess of death. They were told that Saube would have to go through the aforementioned ritual, which included her soul leaving her body for a short period of time. During this ritual, her friends had to call back to her, to say things that would bring her back to her body and I still cry thinking about that game. That ritual was not only important for Saube bodily, but spiritually as well. After that ritual, Saube officially became a cleric of The First! 

4) A real sappy one, RC - Saube meeting all of her friends. Anyone who follows along with the rantings on my blog probably knows how important this game is to me. I met this random group of strangers on tumblr and formed a D&D party with them and now, a year and a half later, I honestly think it’s one of the best decisions I’ve ever made. I know that sounds silly and dramatic but not only has this game brought me so much joy and comfort, but I also gained a group of really amazing friends who have been nothing but amazing since day one. As much as Saube knows she can depend on SICL, I know I can depend on my group of weirdos lol. We both love our friends very much and even though we’ve all been through some crazy shit, we wouldn’t change it for the world.    

5) RC - Just playing Saube in general. I really didn’t intend for it to be this way, but Saube is very much a reflection of myself. She is the first long term character I have ever played and so much of me is in her. I try not to treat D&D like therapy, because that’s unfair to my DM and fellow party members, but playing Saube has allowed me to work through some of my own problems, especially social anxiety, in a lot safer of an environment. It isn’t so much that I’m asking this game to help me fix my life, but playing out these scenarios that, in the real world, would make me anxious or make me freak out, I can stop, take a moment to breathe and work out these issues in a way that makes sense to me. Playing her has led me to understanding myself a bit better, as well, and that’s truly such a wonderfully unexpected gift from this whole experience. 

6) Lastly, a silly one: RC - Getting a crit 6. The last session of this game got real interesting. Saube’s party ended up in the ethereal plane and magic got real fucky there. So, any time any of us tried to cast a spell, we’d roll a d20, not look at the result, and then try to guess what number rolled. The closer to the number, the better the result. A few times, a few people managed to get within like 3 or 4 of their roll, but oh the power I felt when I rolled a 6 (on Saube’s die!) and guessed it correctly! So, not only did the spell (Bless) work, but it worked super well. So instead of getting +1d4 to attack rolls and saving throws, Saube and two other party members got +2d4 to attacks, saving throws and skill checks. So powerful I broke the rules of D&D lmao. 

[pl-panda]

Damienette arranged marriage: Part 8

Credits: Miraculous Ladybug team for the elements I take from MLB show. DC for their characters, @ozmav for the AU, @maribat-archive for giving me access to so many different stories to have take inspirations from, @thyladyanput for idea for Chat Damian and me for the plot.

Part 1

Part 2

Part 3

Part 4

Part 5

Part 6

Part 7

Damienette arranged marriage: part 8

NEXT

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“Children. Chloe wanted to say something to all of you.” The teacher started.

“Yes. I wanted to apologize for my utterly ridiculous behavior in the past and hope that you will give me chance to earn forgiveness from the better part of you.” Chloe stated nonchalantly.

----------

The class exploded into murmurs. Chloe was standing there. It was probably the first time Marinette saw her actually uncomfortable. The blonde was often irritated, tense or even uneasy, but not in this way. She was looking ashamed, but not with her actions. Both damian and Marinette were quite good at reading people and they could tell that Chloe was sincere in her apology.

Alya finally broke from her murmuring with Lila, stood up and looked at the blonde. “How can we know you actually changed. For all we know this might just be some scheme of yours to get Ladybug to trust you again and give you a Miraculous back!” She accused her.

“Yeah! You were always just mean and self-centered. Why would you want to change now?!” Kim shouted.

“You are just sad that Sabrina finally decided not to stick with you!” Rose also joined this

“I can’t believe I stuck with you for so long!” Sabrina huffed and turned away not to look at Chloe.

The blonde looked distraught at the class. She knew that just by apologizing she would achieve little, but Chloe hoped that at least they would not shun her completely. The last few weeks were hard. Now not even Adrien talked to her anymore. A single tear formed in her eye.

“Don’t try playing on our emotions witch!” Alya shouted with anger. “We are all past your lies and manipulation!”

“I estimate ninety percent chance that this is all a plot.” Max stated calmly. 

Lila didn’t say anything aloud, but she was smiling in a twisted way that could be even called evil. She only watched as Chloe was slowly being torn apart by the class. Soon Hawkmoth would get a very strong Akuma.

“You were never even my friend!” Sabrina shouted.

“We don’t want you here!”

“Go to New York and stop bothering us!”

“You are just sad, pathetic bitch!” Alya fumed with anger. How dare Chloe try to manipulate them into liking her again.

Tears streamed down Chloe’s cheeks. She collapsed onto the floor and sobbed. Marinette decided that this was enough. She jumped from her place and walked in front of the class. “What is wrong with you?! Don’t you see you are hurting her!?”

“Shut up bully! You are even worse than her!” Kim didn’t care what the blunette said. 

“Yeah! The two of you are worth one another! Both of you should get lost!” Rose was also not holding back with insults

“No.” Alya said. “Marinette is worse. At least Chloe doesn’t try to sleep with random guy just to get Adrien’s attent…” She didn’t finish when a metal pen suddenly embed itself right in front of her at least an inch deep in the desk.

“That’s enough from you.” Damian growled. He then walked down with hand twitching. Probably the most irritating thing was that the teacher watched this whole scene and didn’t bother to react.

Marinette kneeled next to Chloe. “Don’t worry about them. They are not worth getting akumatized for. Listen to me Chloe. Everything’s all right. I… I forgive you. I saw that this was sincere.” 

The blonde looked up, still having tears in her eyes. “Dupain-Cheng? But… But I was the worst to you...”

“But you try to change. And…” Marinette felt something wet hit the back of her head. She touched it and realized that someone spit at her. 

Damian’s eyes were cold fury. He was so focused on the scene in front of him that he stopped paying attention to the class. He slowly turned to them. A silent anger burned in his eyes. Most people in the class flinched and some tried to sink in their chair. Juleka looked particularly guilty Damian noticed. But Alya and Lila were completely unfazed by him.

“tt. I will say it once, and very slowly so your collective one brain cell understands it. I do not care about any one of you morons. I do not want to make friends with anyone of you because you are not worth it. The only person in this whole class that so far I consider valuable is Marinette, which she proved this very moment. So I will make it crystal clear. Back. Off.” He growled.

“You are protecting two biggest bullis and dare talk to us about worthiness?” Alya refused to shut up, which in other situation would be a risk to her health, but by sheer stroke of luck Damian ignored her and instead turned to Marinette.

The blunette helped Chloe up. “I don’t think she is emotional state to participate in the lesson right now Madame Bustier. Can I walk her out?”

“If you believe that’s best for her.” The teacher stated with a smile. Damian held the urge to growl again. Instead, he just followed Marinette. “And where are you going, young man?”

“I need to make a call to my brother.” Damian stated. Luckily, he was here under fake name so they had no idea who his brother was. Teacher didn’t say anything.

-------

Outside of the class Chloe hugged Marinette tightly, crying yet another river of tears. “Thank you Dupain-Cheng. Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!”

“I-it’s okay Chloe. I couldn’t just let them talk to you like that.” 

Damian watched the whole situation with awe. He was focused on planning ways to slaughter the class and make it look like unfortunate accident, but Marinette instead chose to comfort the victim. She did not care about what they said even when they spat on her and insulted her instead. Justice, not Vengeance. Even after five years he had trouble with comprehending this idea. But Marinette lived by it. Right in front of his eyes she comforted someone who bullied her for better part of her life. Damian too knew that this apology was genuine, but he would not be able to forgive so easily. It was almost naive from Marinette to do so.

“I… I don’t think I want to return there. At least not today.” Chloe stated. She slowly calmed down. “They were ridiculous. Utterly ridiculous!” Marinette smiled at Chloe’s catchphrase. 

Damian pulled his phone and called someone nicknamed ‘replacement’. After three rings there was an answer.

“What do you want Demon Spawn?” Tim sounded at the other side.

“Call the school and tell them that three students are to be excused for today. We had a situation here. Explain later. Got to go.” Before Drake had a chance to ask for explanation, Damian hanged up and quickly texted him the names.

“Uh… I think that’s not how it works. Besides, I left my things in class…” Marinette stated unsure.

“It will work.” Damian said firmly. “Now let’s go. I will get your things.” He walked inside the class and Marinette heard some shouts from the inside, but Damian walked outside with a grin. 

“You didn’t hurt anyone?” she asked him pretty unsure.

“Believe me I wanted.” He simply stated and handed her the backpack. 

“Who is your friend Dupain-Cheng?” Chloe asked. Marinette smiled with relief. The blonde was already feeling better apparently. 

“This is Damian… Grayson. From yesterday, remember?”

“I wasn’t in class yesterday.” Chloe stated. “I was… never mind.” She stated and started to walk outside. “Uh… Would you like to go with me Dupain-Cheng?”

“Okay. Honestly… I don’t want to go back there either.” The bluenette stated. “And for their own goods it’s best if Damian don’t go in there alone.” She smiled at the boy.

“I swear. I was gone for one day and you got yourself a boyfriend. Only you Dupain-Cheng.” Chloe grabbed Marinette and dragged her with her out of the school. 

“tt.” Damian followed them quickly before he lost them.

-------

They arrived at the Hotel  Le Grand Paris in record time. It wasn’t even noon. 

“Uh… Chloe? Do you have any plan whatsoever?” Marinette finally asked. She stayed silent for the way, instead just switching between sending Damian an apologetic glares and watching Chloe ramble about their class. She knew that the blonde needed to talk all the emotions out. 

“Of course I have a plan. I want to introduce you to my mother properly. Then we can go to my room and I can do something with your clothes… For a fashion designer you dress ridiculous. Utterly Ridiculous!” Marinette had to admit she was not really a fashion icon that day. Her outfit was completely mismatched. She just took first things that she managed to grab and put them on in the rush. She took a second look at her clothes and gave her a sheepish smile. 

“I kinda maybe might have slightly almost overslept.”

“Scratch that. We are going to my room first. I think we wear more or less the same size.” Chloe stated and dragged the bluenette to the elevator. Damian for the whole trip just walked behind them and let two girls solve it between themselves. He decided it was best if he just didn’t intervene. It was… interesting thing to watch. Chloe pretty much ‘adopted’ the girl. And Damian knew better than to step into this situation. Call it personal experience. 

They got into her room and Chloe locked the doors.

“Okay. Now you explain to me Dupain-Cheng how did you manage to get a mysterious Damian Wayne, the damned ‘Ice Prince’ of Gotham,  to act like a lost puppy toward you.”

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