#my brain is so autistic abt this idea

[skitkattl]

HHI SORRY I. HARDLY POST HERE HELP

anyways i wanna talk abt my idea for what i'm drawing rn here instead of on twt since hardly anyone sees my posts here i just wanna ramble abt this rq HEELP OK RAMBLE IS BELOW THE READ MORE

(might delete this post later but idk)

i always think abt how in strangled red like. steven and red have CANONICALLY interacted, they had some sort of significance in each other's lives and played a role. seemingly a sibling/guardian/general role model type relationship-- but i hardly see anyone talk abt their dynamic like. ever!! (unless u count rednecks group dynamic posts but there's hardly anything of red and steven alone and before the trading incident)

so around, like. maybe november?? idk

i got an idea but i never started drawing it out until now for some reason

after mike's death steven just, like, disappeared, right? he never got to fully see red's trainer journey, if at all- which must've at LEAST sucked for red, considering steven was supposedly one of his biggest role models in becoming a trainer, let alone his inspo for wanting to become "the greatest".

the guy who was basically his idol just... vanished. where did he go?? no one will tell red where the hell steven OR mike went, probably making up something to keep him from worrying, but that doesn't keep him from being disappointed and upset that they weren't there to see him start his adventure.

that must've been rough on steven too, though, yeah? letting down someone like that who looked up to you, especially if they were close and had a familial bond- which was most likely, since steven seemed to have been at least a little close to red's family in the og story. steven fucking LOVED people-- he had a reputation around town, he knew everyone and everyone knew him. that kind of love for people doesn't just vanish that quickly, right? despite everything that happened, he's still himself, he still holds the same feelings, he's probably just more fucked up than usual/HJ

so all things considered-- steven missed out on a lot of red's life. that was rough for sure on red, and probably on steven as well, right? what was he missing out on while behind the pallet town walls? what was everyone doing since he vanished? what if something bad happened while he was gone?? what if something bad happened to someone he CARED about????

anyways!!! in conclusion: what if snow on mt silver and strangled red took place in the same universe/timeline. that is all ramble over thank u silly ppl in my phone have a great day

[obsob]

drawings ive done this week for a competition!! probably the most ambitious thing ive drawn in my new style but im very happy with them! :3

[stardust-sunset]

hoy oh boy i love when my mom very loudly and very openly complains about how much of a brat she thinks i am in front of other people that we haven’t seen in over two years in a public setting where other people can hear and are looking over and probably thinking i’m some spoiled brat because she paints me in such a negative light to threes poeple

i love how she openly jokes about beating me for not socializing tonight (or tomorrow because i know i’m gonna have a drained social battery by the end of tomorrow) and she even goes as far as to say there are mandated reporters and she doesn’t care

i love how she claims i’m not social or independent enough after proceeding to throw me to the wolves for 10 hours on my own and i can’t text her for help or she’ll just say i should’ve known what i’m doing already

i love how she complains that i’m not physical with her but i am with my dad because im a “spoiled daddy’s girl” even though in reality i can’t mention anything to her without her shooting it down but my dad listens to me and takes the time to engage with me

i love it.

[toastsnaffler]

weekend melancholy is starting to kick in >~<

[sorikkung]

people interacting w wgoin in my notes... this would be a rly bad time to say all my writing will probably be on hiatus for the indefinite future huh

[unproduciblesmackdown]

ppl will be explaining how a difference is a difference & not a Deviation from a Superior state, & people who are the ones considered Default Normal (superior) will be like "okay....to be polite....i Might say i consider Some aspects of Some people's existence mere 'difference' & not being less than me...." as like hey i'm a Benevolent god. i still actually get to consider you worse & don't have to "humor" anything that challenges my superiority. if you only want everything to fit into the norm then it will all come back to upholding the norm. thinking of people's analysis of their own realities as equally legimate as being like Obscure, Irrelevant, Superficial & then using that reasoning to justify dismissing them. same as worrying that the [Different Lessers (Others(tm))] as Everywhere = a manifestation of the awareness that, yeah, respecting them as equals Does threaten your norm which is smothering everything everywhere. ppl who need to lock in the idea of Borders around personhood like um Yes they're all delineated separate Identities outside any hierarchy & so i think it's relevant to for some reason push back against "ohh so now Everyone's queer" like why not. why couldn't they be. what if they were. what if queerness was everywhere b/c it's ideological not a cordoned off Alternative Identity that is accommodated by focusing on Love(tm) as the new border around whose existence we might begrudgingly accept at arm's length (i.e. being otherwise "normal"! just imagine swapping out the binary gender (or, deep breath, presumed Private Parts) of one partner in an exclusive romantic lifelong nuclear family marriage, & that is Gay / Trans Rights. still gross but maybe we can do it, as long as they don't talk about it or shove it in our faces or even exist for more than one encounter w/us in our lives b/c what are the odds). evergreen laughing at someone suggesting ableist logic might be embedded in language of past & present b/c it's just So little to ask for that it's irrelevant but it's also So much to ask for that of course i'm not gonna do anything more than pass it along like "this is why i don't take ableism seriously" like yeah it's the disabled randos like it's the individual cringe teens(tm) ruining [the cishets would take Gender seriously otherwise!!!] & that's why you won't think about it or do anything about it & continue being comfortable with the norm & resent that actually their Difference is Less & disability is something worse that ppl "excuse" & all these ways that people are & all these things that they do are funny & weird & inexplicable & etc & one can't possibly be cruising along perpetuating a hierarchy with a sense that you're reasonable, well meaning, kind, etc etc & thus Justified, systemic oppression definitely wants to maximize how uncomfortable & arduous it feels to everyone rather than push to make it more streamlined & rewarding to embrace, or at least accept, whatever superiority over others you're afforded

[mochapanda]

i think i actually do need to get an autism diagnosis bc it feels like every time i have any sort of medical problem it just fucking circles back to autism 🤦

[meistoshi]

due to personal reasons (being on undercover brainrot) am once again thinking abt my frontier n badend verses coz in both satoshi takes a more active interest in working to protect various regions & more purposefully offers assistance when he hears about troubles, the only main difference in that regard between the verses being that frontier still sees him travel for the thrill of it & not quite seeking out trouble while badend sees him travel almost primarily To look for troubles to solve

[evandore]

telling ppl im a writer and try telling them about my stories and im just like >_< forgot some topics are not socially accepted to talk about in a casual conversation

[stoutguts]

Autistic/neurodivergent 👻 (💀🧼 too bc why not/it's my comfort ship and I love them)

(chock full my own personal HCs and ideas, also mental health stuff/issues/problems heyo)

CW: brief mentions of s*icide/s*icidal ideation

I have a lot more to say about this freak, than pretty boy, ADHD brain rotted Johnny, so let’s get into it‼️‼️

Ghost is socially awkward as all hell with actual negative rizz, whether platonically or romantically. Most people write him off as weird, creepy, or scary, though that's also part of his charm and mystique for some reason.

Autistic, (and it's painfully obvious lmao). Special interests include Skyrim, DND, Bloodborne, Dark Souls, etc, (wrote a whole fic just talking abt this aspect of his autism lol). Outside of video games, they’re also obsessed with marine life and sea creatures. They're especially fond of sharks, and they love to visit aquariums and the beach. It has encyclopedic knowledge when it comes to most underwater creatures or marine mammals you can think of, and loves to show this off via party trick or just for the sake of rambling about it. (This is also true for the games that they’re clearly highly invested in).

Speaking of his fascination with marine life...He even keeps a few Ranchu goldfish as pets that it bought online from a breeder, (as Ranchu goldfish are one of it’s favorite fish/favorite breeds of goldfish). It thinks of them as it’s own children, and does it’s due diligence and research to provide them with the best care possible, (plus a beautifully decorated tank). Their names are Wotsit, Tangy, and Oswald. Wotsit and Oswald are males, Wotsit is red and black, and Oswald is a "calico" Ranchu. While, Tangy is female, and is orange and white.

At first, Johnny can't for the life of him understand what makes a goldfish, (fish being some of the most boring pets in the world in his humble opinion), so appealing as a pet. But he sees how happy the fish make Simon, so he doesn't really question it, just leaving it at "if they’re happy, than I guess that's all that really matters". Though the more Ghost talks about them with so much excitement and affection in it’s voice for it’s little fishy friends, the more Soap begins to appreciate them and kind of grow attached to them in his own way.

Simon stims by bouncing his legs, pacing, flapping their hands, or grinding his teeth (had to get braces and later a retainer to fix their teeth because of this). It used to mainly stim by rocking back and forth as a child, and he still does it from time to time to help calm himself, or for comfort when they need it. It also likes to walk on their tiptoes,—(he has exceptionally strong legs and calfs because of this habit),—especially when walking up or down stairs.

This detail is more just a general personality trait of his but whatever—

They are very expressive, (Johnny finds it absolutely adorable). For the longest time it’s face was almost always hidden underneath the mask it wears.—The 1-4-1 were shocked—but also positively giddy—At the revelation that big ol' bad Ghost, is WAY more of a softie than it lets on.—A sensitive crybaby, and is a very emotional person. Quite literally can’t help it, (but when the situation calls for it or when they need to get it together, he has excellent control over his emotions).

Ghost often has a hard time understanding other people or what they're feeling due to his autism. They're not heartless by any means, and it tries it's best to understand, but most times they unintentionally come off as insensitive or mean. He’s also brutally honest with people and never lies.

Simon needs constant reassurance due to their often low self-esteem, and Johnny is more than happy to provide that for him. Always praising them and telling them that he’s handsome, that he’s enough, that he’s perfect, that he’s such a good boy.

(Speaking of Soap praising him, Ghost has a praise kink, to which Johnny is also more than happy to indulge. Though will occasionally use it’s kink against it to tease it, such as openly giving it praise during missions. Which Simon is always embarrassed, and seemingly hates it, but in actuality it’s the hottest thing ever).

That he loves them more than anything in the whole wide world, and would not trade him for anything. That he’d never lie, or cheat on him, (and he’s proven time and time again that he’s a man of his word). That it is his “forever” and nothing can change that.

The fact that Johnny is always so considerate of it’s needs touches Simon so deeply, as none of it’s past partners had ever been so respectful. Warming their heart, and it only continues to deepen the love he has for his partner. 💖

Ghost has a rescue German Shepherd named Riley. They love the dog to death, brings him everywhere with them. Simon especially likes to always take Riley with him when they go out jogging or for a run, or whenever they just feel like walking around the neighborhood to clear their head. The two are joined at the hip, not only because they’re incredibly attached to each other...But because Riley is trained as an emotional support animal for PTSD and anxiety-related reasons, and is also a medical alert service dog. Regarding not only some pretty nasty asthma, but he’s got some hereditary cardiovascular/heart issues that could prove to be a real problem.

Simon can't really live without him.

Riley is formerly both a fighting and military dog, they took him as their personal pooch, after no other handlers would work with him due to aggression issues. He has stunning green eyes and a beautiful black and tan coat. Though he's a bit mangy, and heavily scarred with both his ears shredded, (just like Simon hehe). With Ghost having handmade a leather spiked collar and a chain leash to match his overall ruggedness, though Riley's personality couldn't be farther from his tough exterior. Simon has re-trained and re-socialized him very well, and has helped him to unlearn his past temperament/behavior. Good with kids and other dogs and animals, loves people and attention. Though still has just enough bite left in him to be protective and to act as a guard dog for him and Johnny, always at the ready in case something happens. Which in Ghost's eyes is highly important and appreciated in a dog.

Riley's past history really tugged on Simon's heartstrings, so he has dedicated himself to pampering his dog. Getting him the best dog food money can buy, always looking out for a new toy for him when he goes to the store, etc. Riley often will sleep in between Ghost and Soap or at the foot of their bed.

Ghost struggles with PTSD and generalized anxiety disorder (GAD). His PTSD stems from his traumatic childhood. While his anxiety is mostly a by-product of his PTSD and trauma, as well as something born from the stress of being in the military, and learning to always be on the alert, never at ease. Though both seem to be somewhat tied to his autism as well.

They have panic attacks regularly, (which can be very dangerous because of his asthma, having to carry an inhaler on him at all times). (Plus, his heart condition is heavily affected by stress, which he’s treated/medicated for, but can still pose a risk). Flashbacks occur more often than not, (their flashbacks mostly happen in their sleep, as nightmares and night terrors).

Johnny is really the only one who knows of their past and mental health. (On all government mandated material, it’s intentionally left vague. The most it recognizes is that Ghost was born in Manchester, that his father's got a lengthy criminal record, and his capture by Roba).

As they don’t really talk about themselves that much, half because they’d rather not bring up such painful memories, and half for the fact he doesn’t really want everything out there on full-display. Either that, or it's just that either no one ever really cared to know, or people weren't stubborn (or stupid) enough to press on it further, (apart from Johnny of course).

Soap is incredibly understanding and patient with it, therefore, it was very easy to open up to him. (Simon still finds that Johnny's the only person he's really comfortable opening up to past a surface level).—Johnny has a strange sort of calming effect on Ghost, and they know it too. Soap being an expert on how to get Simon to relax, making sure his physical health is also well taken care of when such an event transpires. Even though Ghost has a whole-ass service dog for this exact reason and purpose.—Johnny doesn’t care, he wants it to know that he’s there for them, and that he cares deeply for him. Simon appreciating his fawning over him greatly.

Simon also has major depressive disorder (MDD), having struggled with such since childhood, and battles with suicidal ideation/thoughts on the daily.

They have actually even attempted quite a few times in the past. (Fun fact, the closest he’d ever come to successfully killing himself, was when Soap had gone into a months long coma after having been nearly killed by Makarov).

He’ll have depressive episodes that can last from days, to weeks, to months, sometimes being borderline debilitating and/or incapacitating. Soap tries to always be there for it during hard times, and this is no exception. He tries to provide him with what they may need, whether it’s a bit of humor to get it’s mind off things, or consolation after a long day, or maybe a hug, or one of their favorite snacks from the grocery store.—All Ghost has to do is ask, but usually Johnny always knows what he needs without a word being said between them.

Ghost goes to therapy regularly, and it does help a lot, (as they’ve got a fantastic therapist, having provided them with certain tools that'll help to save their skin on more than a few occasions). Though unfortunately despite this,—he’ll never be completely happy or stable. But that’s fine and is something it can live with, as long as he has Soap by their side and other people to support him. 💖

And last but not least…All members of the 1-4-1 having highly specific phobias? Yes please!

As for Ghost…

He is deathly afraid of thunderstorms/has major Astraphobia, as it triggers flashbacks regarding his father’s physical abuse. Simon is about the most vulnerable you’ll ever see him during a thunderstorm, they can’t do anything but curl up into a ball and sob and shake. He’s even pissed himself from fear on a few occasions after a particularly loud clap of thunder. Soap always tries to make sure he’s by their side when bad weather is soon to come, even planning his schedule around it. If they end up having an accident he’ll help to clean them up. Cuddling with him, holding them and having Ghost clinging to him while they cry into his shoulder, attempting to soothe him with lovely words and a gentle touch.

They are also afraid of bugs/have major entomophobia, their entire squad teases and makes fun of them for it, (including Johnny lmao). Though it’s all in good fun, and if Simon ever encounters a single solitary insect…It’s got comfort in knowing their buddies and Soap are there for them, and will protect them. :3 (Idk, I just think it would be hilarious that this grim reaper looking ahh mf, 6’5 brick shithouse of a man, is afraid of a fly getting too close to him).

I really need to gather up my hcs for Gaz and Price and write them down, I love those two as much as Ghost and Soap…I also wanna write shit about NikPrice, bc that’s like my favorite COD ship next to GhostSoap…hrmmm

[damagedcoda6669]

okay so i am. so confused! are you a system/plural after all?

you made a post on your twitter about being the "original host" which is. a plural term of course but ALSO i'd like to say that the idea of there being an "original" is veeery misleading and not actually possible in DID/OSDD

the reason DID/OSDD exists at all is because a child's identity was unable to fully form in their developmental years, so the identity splits off and fractures into several parts necessary to keep the child safe. because of this, there can be no "original host" because there was never an identity formed that could be considered the "core," in a way, at all. it gives off the idea that there was one set identity that split off others later on in life, which isnt how DID/OSDD works in terms of alter formation

also, the disorder can only be developed in your early formative years, so its mostly unheard of for a system to go through life with a single part only to split off later on. your brain splits off alters in response to stressors or traumatic experiences, and so when the disorder is formed there would have to have been a fracture from the beginning where your identity wasnt able to come together to form a single one. multiple alters can be "original," in a sense, but there is not one sole original

i suppose that other alters could have simply been integrated and so they arent a part of your system anymore (leaving you as the "original host"), but thats probably not my place to explore and its all a bit too complicated for a tumblr ask

there are parts that have been around longer than all the other parts and there are parts that identify with/as the body or the head of the system, buuuut i just wanted to share that tidbit of information because misinformation can be very harmful when it comes to healthy plurality!!

in any case, dont let this cause you to spiral into more self-doubt because — surprise! DID/OSDD is supposed to be hard to understand or identify within yourself. its a trauma disorder formed to make you as functional as possible, so generally the disorder tries very hard to hide your other parts from you as to protect you from those traumas. being confused is a major part of plurality, and most long-term hosts do have the misconception of being "original" because there was no reason to think otherwise.

its also fully possible that you have been the host for the majority (or entirety) of your life, so dont get me wrong! im just trying to share that the idea of an "original" alter isnt possible.

regardless of whether or not you're plural, i wish you the best in exploring yourself and the way that your brain functions. you're doing great, truly!

and if i misinterpreted anything, im deeply sorry for that too. i'm just a stranger on the internet trying to provide input using the information i was given, and i genuinely dont mean any offense by this ask. DID/OSDD is also something i'm very interested in and passionate about as an autistic individual, so... im very sorry for the essay

THIS IS SO HELPFUL U HAVE NO IDEA. I KNOW NEXT 2 NOTHING ABT PLURALITY AND SYSTEMS. dont apologize 4 the rambling, its much appreciated!!! i get the same way abt bpd and autism so i get it!!! psychology and mental disorders r one of my special interests so im the same way!!! ^_^

i guess my post moreso came from the concern that i only have vry vry spotty, fuzzy, sometimes FAKE memories of my childhood, if any at all (id say i remember less than 1% of it, and most of what i "remember" is only becuz of photo evidence or testimony from other ppl) and my identity only rlly formed when i joined the internet at maybe 12 yrs old. so i sometimes have doubts that i formed when the body was born, but rather that i was created and that im a product of the internet inparticular, but that might also be a delusion??? its confusing, whenever i get ideas abt my identity they turn out 2 be fake sometimes. its hard 2 pinpoint what i am. so i was trying 2 say that i dont think ive been here since the birth of the body and that i spawned later on. idk if im explaining myself correctly, its hard 4 me 2 understand. but i appreciate u correcting me and explaining it 2 me in a way thats easy 4 me 2 digest!!! i dont want 2 spread misinfo evr.

i think im plural??? ive had liek 8 headmates (and a headspace at one point) that ive been able 2 identify, but nobodys rlly taken me srsly abt it until vry vry recently. ive always been told that im making it up 4 attention, or that im faking DID, and i was even told by a dumbass doctor that it was just my autism and that they were all imaginary. i nvr rlly claimed 2 be plural either, i always just got shot down whenevr i introduced the possibility of there being other sentient ppl in my brain. but i think that i am, probably. im not sticking 2 any labels atm becuz im confused and uneducated abt my headmates and im not diagnosed w anything, but i feel comfy with plural as a label becuz its a vague umbrella term. i nevr claimed 2 have DID becuz ive always known that my headmates cant front and take over my body (ive even asked one and she told me she couldnt LOL) ALTHOUGH. they MIGHT be able 2 front simultaneously as me, ive had edgy (whos currently dormant) finish art 4 me if i got tired, back in 2020 when he was still active. and i know alters fronting is a diagnostic requirement for DID (i think???) but i dunno. theres SOMETHING up w my brain.

i tried 2 post abt it on twitter actually, that i thought i was plural (a handful of ppl asked me so i wanted 2 confirm) but i deleted the post like an hour later becuz i wasnt getting any comments or likes and i was scared that i did something wrong and didnt know, or that im not actually plural and other plural ppl were mad at me 4 using their label. it made me so anxious >n<

i am such a yapper.. 4give me

[gayelderstourney]

OLD MAN YAOI BRACKET ROUND 1

Propaganda:

Sir Alistair Hammerlock/Wainwright Jakobs:

THEY ARE CANONICALLY MARRIED!!!!! THEY ARE FORCE/FINESSE SUN/MOON SALT/SUGAR. THEY ARE SILLY GENTLEMEN WHO ARE IN LOVE. HAMMERLOCK IS A VICTORIAN BIG GAME HUNTER LIFTED STRAIGHT FROM A STEAMPUNK NOVEL WHO IS ALL ABOUT ADVENTURE AND WAINWRIGHT IS A SOUTHERN GENTLEMAN HEIR TO A GUN MANUFACTURING MEGACORPORATION WHO HAS SMALL AMBITIONS. OPPOSITES ATTRACT ULTIMATE INCARNATION. THE THEMES AND MOTIFS AND PARALLELS BETWEEN THEM ARE IMPECCABLE. THEY SUPPORT EACHOTHER UNCONDITIONALLY AND WHOLEHEARTEDLY. HAMMERLOCK THOUGHT HE WAS GOING TO DIE AND HE RECORDED WHAT HE THOUGHT WERE GOING TO BE HIS LAST WORDS AND HE SAYS, I QUOTE: "but I long not for death seeking adventures, but instead for one… last… peaceful… moment… with you. I love you, Wainwright. Farewell." DID I MENTION HAMMERLOCK HAS A NICKNAME FOR WAINWRIGHT. HE CALLS HIM Winny AND IT MELTS MY HEART EVERY TIME. GOD THEY GET MARRIED IN THE CORPSE OF AN ELDRITCH GOD AND THEIR WEDDING IS AN ENTIRE DLC. IT ALSO COVERS THEIR RESPECTIVE DOUBTS THAT MAYBE THEY AREN'T THE RIGHT MAN FOR EACHOTHER BUT IN THE END THEY REALIZE THAT IT'S NOT TRUE AND THE OTHER LOVES HIM SO SO SO MUCH JUST LIKE HE IS. I AM SO SO AUTISTIC ABT THEM THEY ARE PEAK OLD MAN YAOI BUT THEY ARE VIRTUALLY UNKNOWN IN THE OLD MAN YAOI COMMUNITY. PLEASE.

They have an entire DLC about their wedding. Their base game story arc starts with Wainwright calling you to ask you to go on a rescue mission to save Hammerlock and calling him the love of his life.

There is a whole game DLC dedicated to their canonical marriage, they constantly call each other by pet names, every single time they talk about one another there is passion in their voices, they express how much they love and care for each other.

Irving Bailiff/Burt Goodman:

they are TRAPPED in capitalist dystopian hell and yet gay love persists. literally they are fighting for their got damn lives to be gay. they've been subjected to evil fucked up brain surgery to make them forget who they are outside of the workplace and yet. AND YET. they fall in love INSIDE the workplace and gain the desire to fight their oppressors so they can do old man yaoi activities. i forgot to take my adderall today sorry im not forming coherent thoughts but they made christopher walken yaoi real

They have only ever experienced being at work and are desperately trying to find meaning with no memory of the outside world. Fraternization is against the rules as well. The yearning is so much.

they are 2 sad old men who are in forbidden love. they bond over a mutal love of corporate art & company tote bags. their love inspired Irving to rebel against his employers for the first time ever. Burt is even Christopher Walken.

They’re so quietly sweet and heart-wrenching… fell in love on the ‘inside’ (they both work a job that ‘severs’ their work memories from their out-of-work memories; inside the job, they have no idea who they are on the outside or what the world is like, but they found each other and found a little bit of love and meaning and happiness inside the nightmare corporate world that is their job)

canonically in love with each other! in the show people sever their consciousness so they aren't aware when they're working. this creates a separate person that only exists while they're at the office, who doesn't share any memories with the person they are on the outside. these two old men bond and find comfort in each other despite the dystopian hell situation they're in

Old men having a forbidden romance while stuck in a hellish workplace dystopia

These two old men know nothing outside of their company propaganda, which says romance is forbidden, and they still choose each other. They bond over paintings, discuss company policy in each other's arms like they're debating scripture on whether their love is allowed. They're sooo gay and it's so sweet to see true, canonical old man yaoi

Weird old man office romance except they only exist inside the bounds of the world’s worst office building and they go on a little date to a room full of plastic plants

[weaselbeaselpants]

Welp, all that being said abt Jenny herself notwithstanding, even without her input that god awful Star Wars hotel looks like hell to me.

Like, I could not imagine a person (or worse a child) with my kind of autistic overstimulation problem, and I'm talking one who likes or even LOVES Star Wars, having actual fun in that place.

To give you an idea, I LOVE Disney and Nightmare Before Christmas a lot especially, but I hate [being at] Disney parks. I hate social events and am asocial (working on it). Being surrounded by my hyperfixation is not comforting for me when I'm in a high-energy place where people are making me be social about said hyperfixation and practically shoving it in my face to get me to interact. I got to prepare myself for things like that and things like that I only do for other people. I can't keep up. I get stressed out. I literally have nightmares about this stuff. If there was a hotel of some kind of immersive TNBC thing I would hate it. I already hated going on Haunted Mansion Holiday.

Watching any promo of the hotel and video taken on the Galactic Starcruiser makes me sick to my stomach. It makes me think of this video I saw on a "so cute" compiliation that made me sad, where parents got their kids in the car happily said "we're going to Disneyworld =D!!" expecting a fun reaction and then suddenly the boy being filmed goes "we need to talk about this- WE WERE GONNA TALK ABOUT THIS" unbuckles and runs back into the house terrified. Unless it was one of those ab*sive family channels, I feel so bad for that kid and I really hope that served a lesson for those parents that some kids don't like ANY surprises and not to do that to him ever again. When I was a kid I couldn't actually communicate just how much I hated being at Disneyland and that just made it even worse. It made me feel like I was the problem; like I didn't fit.

Kevin, Jenny and other themepark bloggrs like Yesterworld ARE the disney adults this shit is made for and the fact that their reviews are so scathing and they have trouble keeping up or making any light out of this, that's what's telling to me. I look at my mom and other adults trying to figure out how these awful broken apps work and feeling the need to give all their money to Disney because they didn't have to do that before-- it makes me genuinely very mad. I think especially about the grandparents and non-tech savy folks who are struggling with it- like a non-english speaking grandparent trying to use the apps and magic bands for the sake of their kid, being texted "just use the app gran!" when the tech is clearly broken, and said grandparent crying cuz they can't even sit down to collect themselves at this god-awful immersive theme park. I feel for that person who I'm pretty sure is real somewhere. They're like me and they're like that kid in that aformentioned video: they can't keep up. They feel like a burden. So much for you happiest place on earth.

--AND THEN, you wind up paying 6,000 dollars +all the extras that come with it. My adult brain is frying. Disney should reimburse EVERYONE for what they made non-tiktok influencers go through. What they're still making guests go through.

[narzissenkreuz-ordo]

My thoughts & feeling about the Imbibitor Lunae's recent story leaks, in regards to Renheng / Xingyue & Dan feng himself

i'm pretty sure other folks have made posts trying to piece together the timeline, but even with the actual story sections the events of Dan Feng's sins are still super unclear

Starting with Dan Feng because he's my skrunkly; this dude really thought his power and position made him god-like with little regard to mortals below him while fighting with the HCQ

i know there were past leaks where DF was vaguely described as pretty emotionless and detached. but man he really does not give a shit people with his active detachment BUT the quick gazes & mentioned sharing drinks with the HCQ really makes it seem like DF went from consistent detachment throughout his current & past lives and then became absolutely ride or die for his (new) friends.

I have a feeling that the constant cycle of being reborn & being forced immediately into preparing to be the High Elder, Being the High Elder & caring out those duties, and dying as the High Elder. The cycle keeps going on and on. He probably had no TIME to indulge in normal ass things like friends or any other non-professional social life. But them he meets these 4 weirdos who treat him as just One Of The Guys and immediately comes ride or die for them.

The mask of emotionless & cold detachment comes crumbling down around his new found friends. This honestly probably punches DF in the gut because these sensations are new and wack to him, I love the idea of him being a lil unhinged and drunk on the power of friendship BUT ONLY with the HCQ. the emotional whiplash the people around him problem experience is probably so hilarious because they see him having a blast with his friends and theyre like omg is that the high elder omg i didn't think he was such a party lizard but then IMMEDIATELY goes back into his cold & collected personality the moment someone else interacts with them all. The moment he starts feeling the power of friendship he's like "am i sick? whats happening to me oh my god why does my brain feel like bees" unable to process the emotions trying to reboot his brain constantly like a fucking windows computer. we love an autistic king!

ok this was supposed to a more serious post abt DF & the actual events in the leaked story but my brain automatically thinks of HCQ shenanigans

do i need to say more about "that exceedingly arrogant craftsman" like holy Fucking Shit this is fucking gay. his emotionless detachment in battle & his quick/mostly neutral thoughts about his other friends, but with Yingxing he goes into gay annoyance/admiration mode.

I really wish that Yingxing wasn't a short-lifed species because this whole dynamic SCREAMS slow-burn to me. DF's standoff-ish behavior & genuine annoyance towards YX and his arrogance but it slowly becomes more & more endearing as the rest of the HCQ get him to come outta his "stick up his ass" shell to eventually the realization hits and becomes giddy & drunk on his overwhelmingly intense love for YX and becomes a slightly feral lizard, even in public with the HCQ And giving YX gay gay homosexual gay immortality dragon heart juice would still be a thing with YX dying in battle.

Before I end this, I'll just touch up on the more Depressing events in DH IL's story leaks:

DF's emotional detachment to others & friendly relationship with the HCQ leads him & YX to wanting to carry out some sort of "Plan" which probably involves whatever conversation DF & YX we were able to listen in on at Scalegorge Waterscape (or was DF just sneaking YX into Scalegorge Waterscape so that he could research Vidyadhara craftsman techniques?). But since these are DH's dreams even HE doesn't know whats going on.

my general thought process was: DF & YX are planning something together (making YX immortal?), weird fucking shapeshifting flesh monster is tthere?, YX telling him to commit to a decision, DF having the star & red bloodcell vision (was he glanced at by Yaoshi while trying to use the Dragon heart to make YX immortal?), Then Baiheng comes crashing into to try and stop the monster (why was she THERE?)

it doesn't make sense that Baiheng was the one DF planning to bring new life to. Since her sudden appearance is a surprise to him & YX was only described as wounded but able to protect and use his sword

since these are DH's dreams & fragmented memories. With out the other story beats, could it be possible that the "bury his old friend" and "grant them new life" were two different people? DF coming to grant YX immortality but Baiheng gets disintegrated thus DF buries a friend & give the other new life.

Were missing a lot of context here, did YX later get injured so badly that DF tries to revive him? or was the Yaoshi flesh monster completely unrelated and they HCQ were trying to stop it and beiheng fucking dies? does DF try to bring Baiheng back while having his weird ass blood and flesh vision & things go Very Wrong and YX gets caught in the crossfire, making him into the monster we know today? is that why Blade is always going on about how him & DF have to pay the price for THEIR sins? They tried to bring Baiheng back and committed the greatest taboo and they created something horrible (Baiheng abomination & Blade's immortality?)

I'm gonna try Not dwelling on the details here since we need even MORE context now. This post is getting SO long, i will leave it at that & think more about HQC domestic bliss

[salon-maiden-anabel]

the more i think about your mom lucy hc, the more i really adore it. if you don't mind me asking questions about it, what's her general dynamic with kieran & carmine? is she a single mom? how does dahlia fit into the picture?

SORRY THIS TOOK SO LONG TO REPLY TO MY BRAINS BEEN. TRYING . the thoughts are disconnected but by god there are thoughts everything below the readmore

But! Hi hello welcome to Oh lord this family needs therapy and counselling . ! Honestly I have been going into everything with the idea of her being a single mom w/ them! It;s very much a situation of like.... Parent that works away from home constantly, so the relationship is just unfortunately naturally more strained kinda thing .

With all this i go with like.... The idea that they were very much born in Hoenn and lived there with Lucy until Carmine was approximately 9 or so, and Kieran was 7 [I do like to imagine they're 16 and 14 respectively as of the dlcs]. Work being so remote and stuff plus worrying about their education and all just led to living with their grandparents in Kitakami being the best decision for their development as yknow, People. I like to imagine Lucy visits periodically throughout the year and such to check in :> just takes a bit of coordinating. Also shes absolutely the reason they're able to go to blueberry for highschool via both making sure they Can go there financially and putting a word in to a battle focused school of them being kids of a facility head :p even if realistically Lucy isnt the strongest head by any means lol . it's kinda like if an E4 member put a good word in situation. And we can see with Lacey and Drayton both going there... gestures. I wouldnt be surprised if more children of different league figures go to it or schools LIKE it. But thats besides the point Lucy absolutely like, struggles with her emotions and such. Even from the small bits of dialogue we have from her? Maybe its just my autistic ass reading too much into it LMAO but . gestures .

i feel like if this werent a kids game she'd just tell you to fuck off to your face here

sorry just more quick looking too much into dialogue but. cmon. CMON. ...She's . definitely influenced how carmine and kieran act at least somewhat .

Carmine might be the easiest to point a finger to as being like her mom but i genuinely think that it;s actually Kieran who ended up the most Like her, yknow it;s incredibly obvious to point a finger at Kieran during indigo disk and how he talks as being her fault a little bit :p anyways thats just me vaguely mumbling abt that. AS FOR. DYNAMICS. Kieran isnt as close to his mom as Carmine is just due to everything with living with their grandparents. Theres also absolutely like.... Very much a gap because he stopped seeing her as much when he was younger, while Carmine was only a year off of being like. Legally start being a pokemon trainer age. And its just Awkward, relation wise, just because of how little she actually sees them through the years, especially when the discussion would slowly shift to more "How are your studies?" "How are you doing in school?" "How is your pokemon training going?" once they start going to blueberry. Which i don't think was ment to come off as uncaring for them and only focusing on training as it did from Lucy's end, but I dont really think she knew what else to ask and all, because she stopped being able to really pick up on their interests as much as they got older. Plus thats just kinda How she talks... With the importance on strength and luck n all that. Then with all this I imagine she like. Probably only called once maybe twice between the dlc plots n all? And once again with just mainly the training questions it was just a sour spot. I wouldn't doubt Kieran would also struggle with not wanting to be in a shadow/the nepo baby accusations /j that I fully think if Drayton knows about he'd tease him and Carmine about. So like. All that with the instilled importance of ones strength :sob: Lucy you were not helping the Kieran situation. Hell I don't really think she would of even known about anything going down between Kitakami to Blueberry with Kieran just because neither of them wanted to tell her at all? Because again just that Awkward connection between them, just the permanent fog on all communication that feels like someone said something wrong at all times and it got too awkward to finish. IDK I think im waffling on I don't know how to formulate my thoughts the best LMFAO BUT I THINK... DYNAMICS WOULD CHANGE POST-MOCHI MAYHEM ESP. Bc i KNOW she'd find out after carmine and kieran nearly fucking DIE in the underdepths and everything hits her in the back of her head at once that she needs to repair what she can w/ them because she almost lost them. Probably means taking an extended leave from working at the Pike so she doesn't have to worry about scheduling to see them in person for only a short period of time. Especially if the times line up for them having any extended break from school . It's never going to be perfect, far from it, with their dynamics and all but. gestures. Briar needs to sleep with one eye open for a bit at least. in short

AS FOR. DAHLIA im in turbo hell because I can not see? the siblings ending up like they did if she was also around? Shes such a force of positivity as a person im just. blinks a bit. Im in hell bc i adore the ship as my big rarepair ill die on a hill for but nobody expected the kitakami siblings especially not me so . i think if they ever do get together it'd be somewhere nearer to scarvio era which just. yeah. see image below

[cherryatombomb]

Simon Riley headcanons

help girl this man is rotting my brain. anyway here r things that might not show up in my fics but i still think apply to him :] some of them are explicit autistic! ghost others are not but. he always is in my brain u get me. could be considered x reader bc i only mention s/o vaguely so go wild gang

Good with body language, figuring people out via how they act. Mostly good at understanding tone and such - but passive aggression is where he falters. He just doesn't get it mostly, struggles to register it. Surrounds himself with people who are pretty blunt so it doesn't matter, but oh man he hates passive aggression

Speaking of, he's so blunt. He just doesn't see why he should need to sugarcoat himself and will speak his mind all the time. Doesn't see it as being rude, he's just an honest guy.

Love language is physical affection he just has no idea. He's SO touched starved please hold him.

When he gets comfortable with an s/o he's just so cuddly when sleeping. Like, full on limbs everywhere, you have no idea whose limbs are whose. He loves it.

Favourite positions for cuddling are either his s/o on his chest, or him on their chest. Both becoming weighted blankets for the other, it's GREAT.

Also loves quality time, but when the person he's spending time with and himself are doing separate things in comfortable silence, it's so cozy.

The mask is a sensory comfort for him, that's why he wears it so often. He also doesn't emote expression-wise that much, which some people find disconcerting, so it helps. Mostly communicates physically through his eyes.

He's got a secret sweet tooth, and has multiple snacks stashes hidden throughout the bases he stays on. Gummy sweets + chocolates are his favourite.

He has dimples bc I think they're cute. That's all.

Good with kids but they scare him in the like "they're so sweet and I'm not sweet how do I handle it??". They think the mask is cool and just think he's pretty cool. Uses his shitty jokes for good if he's ever in a situation where he needs to calm a kid down, but makes sure they're more pg. Everyone thinks it's so funny to see this intimidating masked man make a joke abt fish being so-fish-ticated (sophisticated) when wearing bowties, but its okay bc it makes the kids giggle

Shows his affection in subtle ways when in public, he's not really a PDA guy. Like, pinky fingers intertwined, or feet touching when sat down. Not very obvious about it, but he's there nonetheless.

If his s/o is in the military he'll like do their armour straps before a mission, or clean their gun in between missions

Loves petting hair. It's so soft and feels so nice under his hands ohh he loves it. Lay on him and let him pet ur hair and he can die happy

Has a list of names of people who his s/o has mentioned hurting them. If they ever show up this boy will just glare the Whole Time.

Speaking of he's so protective but tries not to be overbearing with it. Like if someone's hitting on his s/o he trusts them but will just loom behind them to see if they need help. Waiting for them to either leave, or for his s/o to sic them on him like a guard dog, bc lets be real, that's who this man truly is

Loves picking his s/o up he's so strong so he can pick up most people. Only done in private time but will sling his s/o over his shoulder or stuff bc he loves hearing their response it's so fun

Good at art, but only really does charcoal landscape paintings. Very protective over this because he's kind of embarrassed about it but he finds it comforting

Not really a gift giver, he mostly just gives people money so they can buy it themselves because he's very practical.

For those that are close to him, though, I can see him making some effort - a personal sentimental gift alongside the money

Gifts his s/o one of his knives so they can protect themselves. Will teach them how to use it if they aren't military

Likes to fuck with new recruits who are scared of him because he thinks it's hilarious. This man is a MENACE

Cat person for SURE. They just get each other. The need to fuck with people and seem kind of hostile but also love affection on their terms? That's so Ghost.