#my therapist treats the others like their own people and takes me seriously!!!!

[crabussy]

hey other systems, would recommend steering clear of user eruruu, it seems to have been convinced by their psychiatrist(s) that DID is mostly delusion and only consists of heightened trauma states and dissociation. it came onto my post about how to support loved ones who are systems with a massive spiel explaining extremely out of date understandings of DID, finishing it off with an outdated article from the late 1900s-early 2000s containing many misconceptions about the disorder as a whole. I'd suggest blocking it, don't interact or send hate, I think it's been convinced of these things by professionals trying to make the disorder less "scary" or "unusual". just block and move on.

[rigaudon]

I am holding myself together by a fucking thread and I just want it to break so i can get a break.

[lollytea]

Therapy

(Wrote this in five hours without stopping. Nothing fancy. Maybe sloppy and unpolished. Bon appetite???)

"Leave it alone, Darius," Hunter snarled, slamming down his chisel and wooden shape on the desk as he whirled around to face him.

"I'm doing a load anyway!" Retorted Darius, one hand gripping the laundry basket against the hip and the other holding a graphic tee with the solar system printed on it. "You know it bothers me to walk in here and see dirty clothes tossed all over the floor."

"I can do my own laundry!"

Hunter internally winced at his tone the second it burst out of him.

He sounded like the cranky, whiny child that he had once been, always gnashing nonvenomous teeth in an effort to be taken seriously.

Being treated as a child was one of his most explosive buttons. And the worst part was that if pushed, he always acted up in a way that proved them right.

He reeled himself in, filling his lungs to steady his wrung nerves before turning back to his work.

There was a pause.

"I know you are," said Darius, his voice softer than it had been a moment prior. "But considering you've been letting it pile up for the last few days, I figure I'd lend you a hand."

"I don't need a hand." Hunter took furious chunks out of his hunk of wood. "I'm gonna do it myself. I'm just....busy. Right now."

Hunter was "busy" a lot lately, leaving things such as laundry overlooked, as he focused on one obsession after another. Darius referred to his bouts of productivity as "manic episodes."

It was preferable to the other half of the time when he went borderline unresponsive. Those days weren't fun.

He heard a fwump, which was presumably the sound of Darius dropping the shirt back on the floor.

"Ocellena called," He said.

Hunter's rough attempts at whittling went still. "That's...the therapist's name, right?"

"Yes. Your first session is scheduled for the day after tomorrow. 3pm."

"Right. Okay." Hunter intoned. "Thanks."

When he offered nothing else, Darius pushed a bit.

"I know you're scared."

Hunter wanted to hotly declare that he wasn't. But he felt like the blood of a lie would seep through his words. He said nothing.

"But you haven't been doing well, Hunter."

He wanted to argue that he was actually doing awesome. But Darius was a lot better at arguing than he was, so he'd probably just end up looking stupid.

"And I promise that this is a step in the right direction."

"I said I was sorry," Hunter found himself uttering in a quiet, scratchy voice.

There he was again, that whiny difficult child inside of him. And in that moment, he had touched Hunter's throat, letting out one final plea to be forgiven.

He didn't know what he expected to happen.

Maybe deep down, he desperately wanted Darius to soften up and say to him, "Oh Hunter, what am I thinking? I shouldn't send you to therapy. You don't deserve that."

Darius said nothing of the sort.

Instead, he sighed. "You have nothing to apologize for,"

Hunter felt fingerpads gently drill against his temple. "How do I get that through your stubborn skull?"

His insides writhed with empty dread.

So, apologizing was worthless in this case. Noted.

Before Darius left the room, Hunter's hair was affectionately ruffled. He slid his eyes shut and savoured the feeling.

Every day for the last few months, Hunter was handled with such gentleness by the people around him. It had become so frequent that he had come close to taking it for granted.

He once caught himself wondering if maybe one day he'd forget how it felt to be treated.....the other way.

Well, it certainly wouldn't be anytime soon.

Hunter was, quite possibly, one of Bonesborough's most insufferable roommates. The number of times Darius and Eberwolf were awoken at untitanly hours by the sound of him suffocating on his own serrated screams was embarrassing.

The memories still seared raw and achey, nowhere close to scabbing over.

He couldn't forget.

And now, he was about to experience it all over again. But for morally correct reasons this time.

Hunter exhaled, irritated by the way it rattled. He leaned forward and hung his head in his hands.

There was a persistent gnaw of guilt in his abdomen that he was doing his damndest to ignore.

He did not want to go to therapy. But he knew he'd be a coward to admit that.

This was supposed to be a noble thing, right? Atonement. He was supposed to be owning up to his mistakes like an adult. But, being faced with the imminent appointment made him feel more like a spineless child than ever.

"Do you know what therapy is?" Darius had asked a few weeks ago when the topic had first been broached.

His tone made made Hunter bristle. He felt patronized. Nothing made him shrink in humiliation more than being confronted with the fact that he still didn't know a lot of things.

"Of course I do!" He snapped, not bothering to mention that he had only learned of the concept a few days prior when Steve brought it up in conversation.

"It's so chill, dude," He had explained. "It really made me reflect on all the bad stuff I did as a scout, y'know? And now I feel like I can finally move past all that business without the ol' baggage wearin' me down."

"But what is it?" Hunter prodded. "What happens in therapy?"

"Well it's...y'know,"

Hunter frowned, impatient. He did not know.

"It's just you and them. In a room together. Alone. And...you talk. About stuff..." Steve shrugged airily. "It's just that, man."

The last words Steve uttered sounded like they were underwater because Hunter had mentally blipped out after hearing the words 'In a room,' 'Alone' and 'talk'

His blood had frozen over.

Steve's wrist was promptly squeezed by Hunter's jittery fingers. And when the older scout curiously met his eyes, he said solemnly, "Steve. You don't have to go there."

Steve smiled his pleasant, lopsided smile. "I want to, Hunter."

His voice was so soft, so sure of itself, that a heavy weight of devastation unloaded in Hunter's stomach.

"Sure, it's scary at first." Steve continued, giving Hunter's knuckles a comforting rap. "But over time....it helps."

And then, he said the words that Hunter selfishly wished he had never heard.

"I go to therapy, and I think I'm now a better guy than I used to be."

The rest of the interaction had fallen flat because Hunter suddenly felt very disconnected from his body, and Steve could not reel him back.

He remembered the curt businesslike knock on the door of his castle bedroom. He knew it as the sound of guards delivering a message. A slip of paper from the Emperor himself, requesting his presence in the throne room. To talk.

He remembered the soft-spoken echoey order once he entered.

"Close the door,"

Hunter would obey. And then, they were alone.

'In a room'

'Alone'

'Talk'

Hunter knew how to read between the lines.

He felt stupid. Naive. They had told him that the things Belos had done to him were wrong.

They promised him that it was wrong.

But it seemed as though Hunter had severely misunderstood.

The actions themselves were not wrong, but the reasoning.

Hunter did not deserve to be punished for failing to carry out the dirty work of a vile, depraved man.

Every punishment was undeserved by default, on the grounds of it being delivered by Belos.

But Hunter, idiot that he was, had foolishly believed that he was never going to be hurt like that again.

And if he was, he would at least take comfort in the fact that it was wrong.

The realizations were crashing over him in overpowering waves. He felt pathetic for not being able to take it.

I'd like to leave the Emperor's Coven and never set foot in that throne room again

I go to therapy, and I'm now a better guy than I used to be

There were people on the Isles who hurt you and....and it was right...?

You face the consequences of your actions, and you allow them to hurt you in a way that was ethical, and then....you were a better person.

Of course.

Of course that was how it worked.

How could he possibly believe it worked any differently?

It had struck him the moment Steve had said it, that nobody on the Isles deserved therapy more than Hunter.

The actions of the Golden Guard had been unspeakably cruel. All the times he had stood there, turning a blind eye, as his uncle tore open a living creature. All the carnage Hunter had allowed to happen directly in front of him.

It was borderline brainless of him to ever assume that he could escape consequences.

He desperately wanted to be a good person. He would start ripping his own innards out if it meant he could be deemed a good person.

He'd do anything. Really.

Which was why he had decided to steel his nerves and agree to therapy.

He would walk into that room and his legs would not shake.

He would tilt up his chin, close his eyes, and stomach the consequences he had earned.

And then, Titan willing, he'd be one step closer to being good.

And yet...he would rather be dismembered than admit it, but...

Hunter was scared. He was scared to receive his punishment.

After everything he had done to innocent lives, Hunter had the audacity to be scared of the punishment.

He disgusted himself.

_______________________________

With the Emperor's Coven dismantled, the vacant police precinct currently had a plethora of uses.

Most notably, it was a research facility that Darius frequented. The current project was working on a safe sigil extraction procedure. Hunter gave Darius a headache by asking for updates every damn day, despite the latter's insistence that it would probably take years to perfect.

But today, when Hunter visited the building, he and Darius did not turn right towards the lab, but they ventured down an entirely foreign hallway.

Hunter was doing everything in his power to keep his breathing steady.

"Would you like me to sit in the waiting room?" Asked Darius.

"No," Hunter answered.

They continued to cut through the hallway in silence.

"Yes," He corrected himself, so quiet he worried Darius wouldn't hear it.

He did hear it. "Alright. I think we'll pick up some fatty junk from the market for dinner tonight. I don't feel like cooking."

Darius hated fatty junk.

Despite the terror teething his insides, Hunter's lip still quirked upwards, feeling the tiniest surge of warmth.

He loved fatty junk. And Darius knew it.

His therapy session was not the end of the world. Life would continue afterwards, and there would still be little pleasures.

And he would be a better person than he was now.

Once Darius checked him in, Hunter tried not to squirm in the uncomfortable waiting room chair, debating whether he wanted to pick up one of the trashy magazines on the rack.

According to the front cover of one of the tabloids, a star grudgby player had an organ eating scandal. Typical tabloid stuff.

"Hunter?" Called a soft, docile voice that nonetheless made him glad he didn't eat breakfast because he wanted to puke.

Darius tapped his knee to signal him to stand up, which Hunter did. He managed to not cave in.

He crossed the waiting room and pushed the door open, pretending that he wasn't experiencing alarming flashes of hands and eyes and dripping green blades.

He was ready. He was going to be a good person.

"Hello, Hunter~" Singsonged a small pudgy woman, who was in the process of donning an ankle length cardigan. Occellena. "Do you find it chilly in here, by any chance?" She asked.

Taken aback by the question, Hunter dumbly shook his head.

"Guess it's just me, then. It's a curse. Cold blooded n' all."

She had a head of plump indigo tentacles, and her bright amber eyes were magnified by jar-like spectacles.

"Well, let me know if you catch a chill and I'll turn up the heater."

The heater in question was a crystal ball the size of an ottoman with a blazing flame contained in the glass.

Occellena swept across the room to where Hunter stood and put a hand to the door. "Let's just close this and we can get--"

As far as he was aware, he did not do anything. But something made her take pause, and when she glanced his way, he felt himself jot.

"Or would you prefer to keep it open?"

The question initially escaped his comprehension. It seemed out of the realm of his own reality.

Hunter's throat tightened. And when he tried to speak, he failed.

He nodded again.

"Okay!" She said cheerily, like this was the best thing she had heard all day.

Out of the thousands of tangles in Hunter's stomach, one of them spread loose.

It was faint, but he distinctly felt the way that tangle relaxed itself.

"So, we'll leave the door open for now," said Occellena. "And if you decide at any point that you don't want that anymore, you can just pop right up and give it a swing shut."

Defenses still scaling high, Hunter had no idea what to make of this.

"Anyway," She made to walk towards her own chair, politely beckoning him to follow with one of her tentacles. "Shall we sit? I recently got a new couch. I'd really like some feedback on how comfy it is."

_______________________________

Darius would never say it, but his heart was hammering like a jackalope with worry for that ridiculous kid. His legs kept crossing and uncrossing in the waiting room chairs that seemed specifically designed to be uncomfortable.

Darius had bumped into Occellena on a few occasions in the upstairs kitchen. He had spiked his apple blood while she grounded oyster shells into her tea. He had never been one for chit-chat, but she had been nothing but bubbly with him, in spite of his less than enthusiastic responses.

He couldn't determine her skills as a therapist from just a few conversations, but the extensive research he had done to find a qualified candidate had promised that she was highly competent

But was she 'Golden Guard as a client' competent?

Was anyone?

If all else failed, she was sweet. Hunter loved sweet people.

He needed this to go well. If Hunter had a bad therapy experience, it would both stunt his recovery progress and leave him far less willing to try again for the foreseeable future.

Darius resisted the urge to stand up and pace the room, knowing his footsteps would probably disturb Hunter's session.

He noticed that the door remained slightly ajar, which he found peculiar.

Were they not supposed to keep the doors closed? Client confidentiality and all that mumbo jumbo?

Granted, he could not make out the words being said. The pitch of two voices, definitely, but it was all muffled nothingness.

His nerves were barbed during those first few minutes, in which Occellena carried on speaking for several seconds at a time, while Hunter only offered singular sentences as a response.

It was fine, he convinced himself. They were just warming up.

The moments passed, and the session seemed to take a turn in a positive direction.

The seconds in which the slightly lower pitched voice stretched a little bit longer every time he spoke. Louder too.

At some point, he seemed to take off babbling, presumably having one of those obsession buttons pushed.

Darius could only imagine that Occellena had asked about one of Hunter's many passions. That would certainly work wonders.

He had such terrible control of his own volume when he got too eager, so this was a promising sign.

After that, the conversation took a subdued dip, the silences hanging for longer.

And then, he heard footsteps. He straightened his posture, startled by the session seemingly wrapping up so soon.

But no. It was the door clicking shut.

From then on, total silence. Thirty minutes of just Darius, his trashy tales of organ eating athletes, and the vacant uncertainty of how Hunter's first therapy session was going.

And then it was over.

When Darius saw Hunter emerge from the room with Occellena's hand on his shoulder, his eyes were strikingly rimmed with red.

"So I'll see you next week. Don't worry yourself with telling Jewel, I'll have her put it down in the system. Be sure to take it easy for the rest of the evening, alright?"

Though he looked like every ounce of energy had been sapped out of him, Hunter still pulled up a smile for her, and Darius recognized sincere warmth on that face when he saw it.

"I will. Thanks, Occellena,"

And when he approached Darius, he looked relieved, ashamed, and dazed all at once.

"Hey," He greeted, uncharacteristically quiet.

"Hey," Darius responded, softly incredulous. "Shall we go ruin our skin with your accursed bag of grease now?"

His reddened eyes glinted with light boyish amusement. He nodded.

Hunter did not say much during their quest through the Bonesborough marketplace, and Darius vaguely wondered if he should be concerned.

As much as he complained about the boy being an incurable chatterbox, his silence unnerved him.

Hopefully, the session had used up too much of his blabbering muscles.

It wasn't until they were home and seated on opposite ends of the dining room table that Darius understood.

One of his most strictly enforced household rules was that dinner must be served on an actual plate. No takeout containers allowed on his property.

His nose wrinkled in distaste at the atrocity known as deep-fried eyeballs that were making a greasy mess out of his ornate lilac dishes.

Hunter was rolling the unsavoury little orbs around with his fork.

He seemed relaxed, if distracted, so Darius decided to pop the question, only to fill the silence, if anything.

"Do you want to tell me how it went today? With Occellena?"

Hunter's fork went still, but his eyes never dared to draw away from the fatty dinner in front of him.

When he opened his mouth, his bottom lip wobbled, searching for a voice that he did not seem to possess right now.

"It's alright," said Darius. "What happens in therapy stays in therapy. Isn't that what they say?"

Hunter did not respond to that, not even with a glance or a nod or anything of the sort.

He remained hung up on the struggle of getting his initial words out. The bump of his throat bobbed.

Finally, with a small, feeble voice that cracked around the edges, Hunter said, "I didn't think she was gonna be nice to me..."

The silence that fell was born of complete and utter bewilderment. Darius was so flabbergasted by the statement that he spoke before he fully thought it over.

"Well, that is to be expected from therapy," A touch of laughter rose and fell between the words. "I mean, surely you didn't think she would--?"

Darius cut himself off, his smile dropping as he noticed the visible tremor of Hunter's mouth, which he had forced into a thin line.

"Hunter?"

The boy lifted his head, bright brown eyes already pooling with an open, lost, childlike anguish. Then he blinked and it spilled to his cheekbones. He looked to Darius searchingly, like he wanted to ask something, but he could not utter a sound more.

"Hunter...? What did you think was going to happen...?"

[jay7543]

therapist!reader and client!Konig??? I think it would just be so wholesome.

You and your therapist könig

M4m

18+

I like this idea a lot, does seem really wholesome. Won’t have many smut aspects but it will be a bit spicy but it will be fairly short, at least compared to my other stuff. I hope you enjoy!

This one does get in the feels a bit, so be ready for that.

Also, after writing this, I have realized i flipped the roles, I hope that doesn’t bother you too much, message me if you want them normal like you said. Or I might just do it anyway. I am truly sorry for the inconvenience

Feel free to make requests

Let’s be honest, you’ve had problems for a while. From depression and anxiety to worries about your sexuality. You also never thought a therapist would be a good idea. It was expensive and you were brought up thinking your problems were your own, not anyone else’s to deal with. After years of bullshit and deliberation, and a recommendation from a friend, you got a therapist. You’ve been seeing him for a few weeks now, not delving too deep into your problems but getting comfortable with him, it helps that he’s your age. He is foreign though, which is a bit odd to you, his name is könig, he’s an amazing listener and very considerate, at least after you got over how tall he was, and how handsome he was.

You’re now outside of his office, ready for your fourth session, preparing to talk about some real problems. You knock on the door.

König-“komm”

You assume he told you to come in. You like it when he speaks German a bit, but you still don’t understand it. You open the door with a weak smile and close it behind you.

Reader-“h-hey doc”

You say nervously, waking over to the seat next to him that you usually spend most of your time.

König-“ah, hello maus. How have you been since our last session”

You blush a bit when he called you maus, it always makes you feel so cute.

Reader-“I-I’ve been ok I guess. You?”

König-“I’ve been good. In fact I’ve been looking forward to this session. I think I’m finally getting somewhat of a read on you.”

He says with a smile. So warm and welcoming.

Reader-“well I….i wanted to actually bring up some real problems this time. I-I might get a bit emotional though, I-i tend to”

König leans forward in his seat, now taking your words much more seriously. He’s been waiting for this.

König-“go ahead. I’m willing to listen to whatever you have to say, and I don’t mind the emotions, I welcome it in fact”

You take a few deep breaths to hype yourself up before finally speaking

Reader-“well, one of my biggest problems is my self image, I feel like I’m not pretty or handsome enough you know”

You look down and play with your fingers for a minute, trying to get the nerves to go away. König just nods and writes in his notes, waiting for you to continue

Reader-“I uh, I also have trouble with my sexuality”

König’s eyes shoot back up at you, he wasn’t exactly expecting it but it’s a very welcome surprise.

Reader-“I’m bisexual but I’ve never really been in a relationship, I’ve also always been scared to tell people that. And it all kinda wraps around to the self image thing”

You both sit quietly for a minute, him taking your words in and thinking of how to respond, you waiting for him too.

König-“well, a very important question is where do you think those problems stem from, it’s very important to know that”

You think for a second and try to figure out a moment or moments that caused it

Reader-“how my parents were when I was younger I guess. They weren’t hateful or homophobic or anything, just….they didn’t make me feel like I could trust them. Made me feel like I wasn’t allowed to mess up, or do something they might not like”

König-“that’s understandable, a lot of problems stem from how parents have treated their children. A lot of parents don’t even realize that they’re doing it. Or how much they’re affecting their child.”

He says in a very soft tone, leaning in a bit closer, attempting to comfort you in some way. You nod

Reader-“yeah, I just…I don’t know”

You start to get a bit choked up, thinking about how you were as a kid, how carefree you were, how innocent you were. Then how you are now, how sad you are, the things you feel like you’re missing out on. It all comes out in a stream of tears.

König-“it-it’s ok to cry. Don’t feel bad”

He leans in and hugs you softly, and you latch into him like he’s the only one who’s shown you this kind of kindness. You’ve just barely opened up and you’re already crying, you feel pathetic, but he helps to get rid of those thoughts.

Reader-“I just feel broken. Like I can’t be me. Like I’m not good enough”

You cry into his shoulder, letting out all of those feelings of inadequacy. He leans in and whispers.

König-“none of that is true maus. I haven’t known you for long but you seem very nice, and considerate of others. You’re not broken, you can be you. You are good enough”

These words make you cry more. They’re the nicest things you’ve ever heard. And after he says them he leans in and kisses your forehead, which is more than a therapist should but…you like it, he makes you feel cared about.

König-“you’re very pretty, or handsome, or whatever word you want to use. You’re enough how you are, and I’ll be here to help you realize that”

Reader-“th-thank you”

You stammer out through your sniffles and tears. He hold you close, rubbing your hair and giving you soft kisses every now and then, until the end of the session. He cares…he’s the first one….he really cares.

[nedjsmlfavs]

So Derision Broke Me…

Derision (Miraculous S5E14) made some choices that fundamentally broke Marinette’s character for me to the point where I’m having trouble motivating myself to keep writing for this fandom. I figured I’d write down my thoughts and see if that helped me get into a headspace where I can ignore this episode like I do any other writing choices I’m not fond of. If anyone has some words of wisdom, I'd love to hear them.

In Derision, we learn that Marinette has some serious trauma surrounding love. When she was 13, she confessed her love to Kim and was rewarded with a box full of spiders. This “prank” understandably left her traumatized and shaken to her core. In response to that trauma, she vowed to never confess her love to another boy. Not unless she knew everything about him.

This “prank” and several others are revealed to be the fault of Chloé. As for why she’s doing this, well, we’re never given a reason why Marinette is the target. However, we are told the motivation for Chloé’s actions. Rose blames them on the fact that Chloé was abandoned by her mother. Mylène responds to this observation by pointing out that she was also abandoned by her mother, but that didn’t turn her into a bully! Which is a fair point. People react differently to trauma and trauma doesn’t justify bad behavior or undo the effects of those bad behaviors. At the most, trauma explains why the behavior is happening. A lesson that Miraculous has given us before.

In the character Félix’s titular episode, Félix shows up and starts treating Adrien poorly. This leads to this exchange between Adrien and Plagg:

Plagg: What's up with that cousin of yours? First, he searches through your things, and then, the most unforgivable thing of all, he squashes my hunk of goat's cheese under your pillow! I'd been maturing that baby for two weeks! Do you realize? Two whole weeks! Adrien: Listen, Plagg. Félix lost his dad not so long ago, he's probably not himself. Plagg: I'm sorry, but there's just no excuse! You never touch my cheese, and yet, you just lost your mother not so long ago, right?

And, once again, this is a fair observation! The fact that Félix’s father died does not justify Felix trying to ruin Adrien’s life. All it does is explain his motivation. 

Trauma does not excuse hurting others. When trauma has negative effects on us, it’s up to us to work through those feelings either on our own or, ideally, with the help of loved ones and therapists. We are never justified in lashing out at innocents who had nothing to do with our trauma.

This brings us to the topic of Marinette. 

The fact that Marinette has trauma around romance does not justify her treatment of Adrien. Breaking into his home, trying to sabotage his relationship with Kagami, and all of her other obsessive behaviors are not okay just because she was traumatized by Kim. If Chloe and Felix are not excused by their trauma, then neither is she.

So why am I only bothered by this now?

Because, before this episode, Marinette’s behavior was very clearly a joke. It was, in my opinion, a bad joke, but it was a joke and, when it comes to writing, jokes have to be looked at differently than things that are played straight.

Miraculous relies heavily on absurdist humor. That’s why you’ve got an episode where Adrien and his teenage friends throw an unchaperoned party attended by a bunch of random adults. A thing that would be horrifying and upsetting in reality, but is fine in the show because it’s clearly played as being ridiculous and over the top. I mean, just look at this scene. Anyone taking this seriously has clearly lost the plot.

Marinette’s obsession fell under the same category. Something that would be very wrong in reality, but was obviously being played up for laughs. I was always under the impression that, without the absurdist humor, she’d be significantly toned down and that’s why I just sort of tolerated it in the show. Not my idea of a good joke, but clearly a joke so meh. I can overlook it while watching the show and, when writing her, I can be true to her character while not including this level of obsession because I don’t write crack fic.

Derision changed that. It took 4.5 seasons of questionable jokes and tried to justify them. And that? That is a terrible idea. Because there is no justification for Marinette’s behavior just like there is no justification for Chloe’s behavior in the exact same episode. What they’re doing is wrong and, at best, their trauma explains their behavior. It does not justify it.

Plus, hey, remember how Derision said Kim was a terrible person for laughing at Marinette’s trauma? Isn’t that the exact same thing that we’ve all unknowingly been doing for 4.5 seasons? Kinda makes it hard to rewatch old episodes where her crush was played for laughs, doesn’t it? I hope you’ve never laughed over Marinette’s behavior because, if you have, you’ve been making fun of her trauma and so have the writers.

And that sums up why this episode really bothers me. I either have to ignore a character’s trauma or I have to accept that her trauma has apparently made her unhinged and address it. Because if her behavior is not a bad joke, then the salters are right and Marinette is a total creep. I’m trying my hardest to choose option one, but I’m struggling.

It’s not that Marinette is the only character with questionable behavior. Adrien as Chat Noir is often written as overly persistent and obnoxious when it comes to his crush. It’s not great behavior, but it’s not a consistent characterization nor is it a major flaw. I can fix it with a quick character arc about boundaries or ignore it and (in my head) say that arc happened off screen because I have no doubt that this sort of common teenage issue could be overcome with relative ease. Because when Chat Noir is put in a situation where he could clearly violate Ladybug’s boundaries? He doesn’t. He is, ultimately, respectful. He just needs to be told that respect is more than listening to the explicit “no”.

Deep-seated trauma that leads to stalking? That’s not a minor flaw. It’s a major issue that reveals the need for psychological intervention. I’m not gonna give that to a teenager and fix it with the power of friendship and communication. Nor will I give the stalker her prize. I’m gonna keep him safe because, if Marinette has this level of romance-based trauma, then she is not mentally well enough to be a relationship with someone.

You see, I’ve had people with obsessive crushes who violated my boundaries. A loved one of mine had to get the police involved because of someone’s crush on them. Stalking and obsessive behavior is not a joke. It’s traumatizing, but even though I have that trauma, Miraculous never bothered me because of how the stalking was played as a joke.

Joke's over, though. As of Derision, we are supposed to take Marinette's behavior at face value.

So, yeah. I don’t know where I go from here. It’s been a week and I just have no desire to ever touch Marinette again. If anyone has some words of advice, I’d love to hear them. And I’m sorry, but it may be a while before anything of mine updates.

[doctorguilty]

therapy stuff

anyway, now that I'm back on track with therapy.. my therapist tried to do a catch up on what's been going on with me in the time she was absent, which was uhh a lot, she asked how I was feeling overall. and I talked quite at length about everything going on, my sister this, my partner that, my family this n that, and by the end of it, she was like well seth, I asked how you were feeling, but you didn't really tell me much about that. and even when I asked if how these things things affecting people were making you feel, like if your sister experiencing xyz was making YOU feel concerned for how it impacts your situation, it was still about how you're concerned for HER situation. that's not your feelings. And I'm like... confused. I sort of get what she's saying, but I don't quite understand how they aren't my feelings. She specializes in BPD and this is like, the big difference here from everything else I've ever experienced with this stuff, ok, and is like see like, whenever we talk this is a pattern you have of enmeshment, and that's very common with BPD, to not know how to talk about your own feelings versus others, but like.. do you even know the difference? and I just felt like all the gears in my brain stop moving and I paused like. I.. don't know....... I guess I don't. like. seriously. I legitimately have no idea how else to answer the question when she asks how I'm doing. but when she points out that it's about everyone else it I SEE that it makes sense that it totally is. so I'm just like of like. lisasimpson.png about it .

i feel like I've heard this before in a way, EXCEPT in a very very negative cruel way coming from people who want to paint me like the worst person ever like, telling me I'm selfish because I like take everyone else's feelings and make it all about myself on purpose etc etc (tumblr dot com loveeeeeeeees to do this btw !!! :^)))) pretend that like hyperempathy/enmeshment/etc are not symptoms of any sort of disorders whatsoever and are just like Dark Empath(tm) TikTok girly pop pysch shit and you are the scum of the earth if you struggle with that like ok. guess i'll die) so all I do is like beat myself up over it while being like Shrug emoji I'm the worst what can ya do, but then like my therapist yesterday is like. you are LACKING selfishness in your emotions, you are incapable of talking about your own feelings for 60 seconds without talking in detail about someone else and your concern for them, ig that's just the difference when you work with someone who actually treats ppl with bpd like actual human beings and not demons cause hdsjgkdfhdh <:l

and this is not the first session where i was essentially being told I Need to be more selfish in some kind of way like I need to be more vocal about needs, I need to take up space, etc, like it's still really hard to accept any of that and there's like small steps I've taken i guess but . overall I still feel like the Worst person ever and I've been conditioned time and time again to believe I am the epitome of selfishness no matter WHAT I do. i'm literally embarrassed writing this post right now like I can't believe I'm out here trying to justify feeling like I'm a decent person when I must be just tricking my therapist into thinking I'm a better person than I actually am. but I'm going to post it anyway because I am a pathetic little worm of a person.................................................rips my skin off , wails and weeps. do u see what I'm dealing with here

[bigmammallama5]

mammallama if you have energy how did you find your adhd dr? I know I could use one but I'm trying to fight the inertia of getting a dr because of all the experiences of previous medical professionals not listening to me. thank you for reading!

Hey, I've got a little energy! You get my one level seven spell slot for the day lol

I am very fortunate that I have a primary care doctor that takes my concerns seriously and pointed me in the direction of my current specialist. I also have two very wonderful best friends with ADHD who gently slid my wig back and told me "go get tested, you sound like me". I recognize not everyone is lucky to have doctors that listen to them so this answer will be based off of my limited experience and local healthcare in my state in America, so please keep these as general suggestions! And I know it's hard to advocate for your own health, trust me I get it lol, but please stick with it. It's worth it to get the answers at the very least so you can start adjusting.

So if you have a PCP try asking them for places that are in your insurance network that could help you get tested/write you a referral letter if needed. I would suggest first looking for a behavioral therapist that specializes in diagnosing ADHD (like mine does) and treatment. I can't get actual cognitive behavioral therapy from them but they help me keep track of my ADHD and navigate my medication stuff. The extra special thing about my doctor is she was also diagnosed as an adult, so she truly understands to a certain degree of what I'm dealing with. Looking at her during my first visit was like looking into the future of the person I can be with the right help. Having a doctor that has what you have is incredibly valuable.

If you can't find a specialist, I would suggest looking for a psychiatrist that specializes in diagnosing and treating ADHD. You can also get diagnosed by a psychologist but I don't think they can actually prescribe medications? But either of those professionals will be able to test and diagnose you!

If you have trouble networking, my therapist suggested looking on Facebook (I know I know) for local/state groups that can help you connect with doctors in your area. You'd be surprised at how ready people are to help others find the care providers they need! You may not even have to ask, there may be a list of medical professionals that you can look over.

I will warn you that depending on where you go it's going to probably cost a fair amount. Even with my therapist's office taking my insurance my testing was still over 400 bucks, but in the end it was worth it for me. I will also warn you that some testing can be quite lengthy from what I hear, taking multiple sessions depending on the professional you're seeing. My testing and diagnoses took a little less than three hours and that's why I'd suggest looking for an ADHD behavioral therapist first. They know exactly what they're looking for and know you're there specifically for that test.

Another tip I can give you is frame your reason for testing as simply needing answers to improve your quality of life. Have that in writing. Don't even mention medication other than "I would explore that if you deem it a viable option for treatment." Getting medication right now is difficult if not downright impossible for some of us, so I would frame your needs on getting yourself picked up and put together. That's really what you need first anyways. Answers.

Be warned ADHD may also come with a side of fries (other general disabilities like OCD/OCD tendencies, anxiety, depression, ect ect that are often the result of untreated ADHD).

ADHD is legally considered a developmental disability and protected under the Americans with Disabilities Act. Know your rights!

In the meantime I always suggest taking a look through https://www.additudemag.com/ for information about symptoms and research and all that stuff. This is a trusted source that my therapist's office shares with all of their patients! The articles are kept up to date as new research is made available and is laid out in such a way that it's easy for people with ADHD to read and navigate. It's also a great source for parents that have kiddos with ADHD, so pass that around if you know someone who's struggling!

I do hope that your past experiences with poor doctors won't keep you from seeking testing. I can promise you not all of them are like that, and I hope you can find someone who will listen to you and take your concerns seriously!

[shallowcrypts]

Avoidants are unfairly demonized.

And you know what? I’m sick of seeing anxious-attached folks being treated as if they’re fully the victim and totally blameless.

They just cannot ever admit that they might make mistakes, especially serious ones. Can't apologize. Self righteous as hell, and so, so blaming. It's such bullshit. It’s so often that the avoidant partner is forced to take “accountability” for whatever the issue and the AP gets to be relieved that its “not them” and they don’t have to look at their own outrageous behavior that may have contributed to the original issue.

AP’s get all the sympathy because they are usually the loudest, therefore we all have to center around their feelings. It's not that the avoidants DON’T want help, it's avoidants are more likely to avoid and if someone doesn't like conflict and the AP is constantly having a temper tantrum... so who is going to get heard? Have the most attention to their problems?

I was recently talking to a friend about couples therapy with her avoidant partner & even in listening I could tell that she didn't realize how much she dominated the therapy sessions, while simultaneously complaining he wasn't there enough. When he finally broke down and cried about something she had said, her response? You've never cried about that before but it bothers you NOW?

And that’s the thing, it's never good enough for APs. It is hard to be a person when an AP is suffocating the room, and it's easier for them to blame avoidants because we are the only people who will continually put up with their shit, because we ignore it and somehow they are the victims in that too. The goal post is forever changing with them, and nothing is ever good enough. They complain and put pressure on to be, think, feel a certain way and when you manage to come close, you're still somehow in the wrong. I would rather shove everything down and suffer silently than possibly trigger an AP into an episode because THAT is pure psychological torture.

And don’t even get me started about how they then proceed to be the "humble brags" of self-work:

"I just have too big of a heart and I over-give because I'm too generous.”

If all the APs I've known ACTUALLY took accountability it'd sound like:

"I make comments with the intention of making you feel ashamed and guilty so that in your diminished self-worth you might be insecure enough to come to me. Maybe if you're upset we can have a conversation or emote at each other, which is a form of connection, so I force that since I can't force you do do whatever I want at any given moment. I push and push and push and push you so that when you break A) again, I can feel the connection that comes with conflict, at least, and B) I can feel victimized by how 'mean' you are by finally breaking at my prodding. I do not ever stop to consider how this might be tanking your life and our relationship... because I always find a way to blame you for that. I have the audacity to purport to know what your problems are and your inner work should be, and though I'm begging you to open up to me, I don't listen when you do. I just cry because whatever you say scares me, and my fear is still ultimately more important than any of your experiences." APs don't "care" anymore than Avoidants as a default, though they may try too hard, sure.

The issue is that the “I care too much" gets recognized as "and that causes problems for ME” and they're like "oh look I'm taking accountability!" But they never get to the part about how them "caring too much" caused problems for OTHERS and they never want to earnestly apologize. Their behavior can be seriously, seriously, damaging to be on the other end of.

"I'm impatient, have unrealistic expectations, and I over-perform for love. I'm going to work on this with my therapist because I'm realizing now how this is backfiring and causing me pain."

^That would be accountability.

[babyfairy]

hello…life updates lol

i saw the little mermaid with my mom and my niece (we went on my mom’s birthday 💌) and i loved it??!? i think halle was the perfect choice for ariel!! i was so enchanted by her mannerisms the entire film. she’s got such an otherworldly beauty so paired with her voice she REALLY looks and feels like a disney princess…loved her so much. no comment on awkwafina’s unfortunate addition to the film

we’re restarting one of our long running dnd campaigns and i’m pretty sad about it ❤️‍🩹 it’s the best choice because the setting was made by our DM a long time ago and she wants a reset because she’s improved her narration/lore/etc since its creation but it’s still sad and hard to let go. i’m really excited to relive some of my favorite moments with some new twists and i have a deeper understanding of my character now so i think i’ll only end up loving her more as i replay her. dnd with my friends is truly one of my favorite hobbies and it’s so important to me! there have been so many changes throughout the years i’ve played but i’m so glad to still be playing despite it because it’s very fun and therapeutic lol

i got a raise at work 🫨 not that it makes much of a difference LMFAO but i was seriously considering leaving my job before my raise so it’s nice to be making a little more money. the cost of living in washington is so insane that i feel really unsure of my future lol but it’s seriously my dream to own my own house. just a little one story house that i can call my own. i know it seems like a small dream lol but it’s literally my number one motivation and i’m always daydreaming about how i’d decorate my own home inside and out!!

i finally bought tears of the kingdom and i’ve been obsessed with it!!! not surprised because i loved breath of the wild lol. i love link so much he’s such a cool protagonist. always wanted to be like him when i was a kid LMAOO either him or sheik! i would say i’m more like a deku scrub…💀 like look at this fella…

like….???!!!! THATS ME…the lil angry face. love these guys. anyways i love the game LMAO i hit about 50 hours and realized i should maybe try tackling my first dungeon 💀 it’s just so much fun to run around and collect ingredients and koroks…plus i have a little pack of zelda amiibo cards so every day i hop on and scan them all so i can open treasure chests as a little treat…love it!!! i can’t wait to see king sidon again btw. that’s the light of my life

ever since my OCD diagnosis i’ve been avoiding my therapist (L) and struggling to really understand why but i think it’s because i feel guilty about being diagnosed LMAO…i have like this weird fixation on unknowingly manipulating/lying to others and my brain keeps trying to convince me i manipulated her into a diagnosis. i don’t feel like i have “real” OCD if that makes sense. and i feel this weird sense of guilt about making light of it or like taking resources from people with real, severe OCD. it’s frustrating because i know that’s definitely a symptom of OCD but i also feel like none of my symptoms are legitimate and they’re just delusions. it’s incessant. which like logically is that probably just a symptom of the OCD? yeah but i also am having trouble admitting that to myself for some reason lol. at least not without guilt or shame attached and i really try to avoid feeling that way if i can. anyways it’s a real pain in the ass and i finally sucked it up and made an appointment for tomorrow so i can try to talk through some of this with her

i’m up and down a lot, it’s been the worst year of my life i think lol but somehow i’m still chugging along 💀 every day i put the rainbow clown wig back on and march thru my day despite it all though so it’s whatever i guess. definitely going thru my saturn return and ngl so far it sucks and i definitely hate it but you know! my 20s have been Not Great so maybe my 30s will be better for it. hope everyone is doing well and staying safe. let me know what you’re up to in my inbox if you want! i always like when people message me their life updates lol. it’s sweet when people think of me as someone they want to update ❣️

[theautisticdoctor]

Entry #012

Hypermobility

A problem many autistic fellows of mine, including me, are suffering from is hypermobility. It's a underdiagnosed, underrecognized part of autism.

I personally deal with Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome (EDS), which runs in my family. My great-grandmother, grandmother, and mother all have it, and so do I. It comes with a host of symptoms: atrophic scars, mitral valve insufficiency, postural / orthostatic tachycardia syndrome, gastric motility disorder, pelvic and bladder dysfunction, extremely soft and stretchy skin, and, of course, extreme hypermobility. I can bend my joints in ways that I only learned in medical school was abnormal, and I’ve often felt like a bit of a freak during skills practices. I remember asking an orthopaedic surgeon during training why people couldn’t do 90 degrees flexion and extension with their forefeet, only to be met with confusion. When I demonstrated what I meant, the look on his face was one of pure astonishment. This highlights how different our experiences can be and how misunderstood they often are.

One of the most frustrating parts is not being taken seriously by some doctors. I’m lucky to have a medical degree and trusted colleagues I can consult, but many autistic individuals don’t have this luxury. Too often, our symptoms are dismissed or attributed to our mental health, leading us to delay seeking help until things get really bad. Please, don’t wait. The longer you put off seeing a doctor, the harder it becomes to treat your symptoms. Find a physician who listens and takes you seriously. Hypermobility doesn't necessarily mean you have EDS, but hypermobile or not, moving and living isn’t easy. Chronic exhaustion is real and debilitating. I touched on managing energy levels in entry #003 with routines based on my modified spoon theory, which I call the cutlery theory. I’ll dive deeper into this in a future post.

Living with hypermobility means constant joint pain, frequent dislocations, and early arthritis. I’ve never known a pain-free day, and overdoing it physically just makes things worse. Recovery takes time, and I’m still figuring out if physical and mental fatigue recover together or separately. Overstraining definitely not only impacts physical, but also my mental state. Not everyone can access rehabilitation programs, but there are steps you can take on your own to make it a little easier or better. Start by tracking your symptoms to identify patterns. This can help you find ways to support yourself. Working with a physiotherapist or occupational therapist is ideal, but you can also use trial and error to find what works for you. I’m always here to brainstorm and offer support.

I’m a big believer in creative therapy. One exercise is to color in a body image to show where you feel comfortable, uncomfortable, or in pain. This helps you and your healthcare providers understand your condition better and develop a personalised treatment plan.

Also, braces can be a lifesaver for dislocated or overstretched joints, even though I hate wearing them. They help prevent further injury and aid in recovery. Despite the awkward looks and comments, they’re definitely worth it.

In conclusion, hypermobility is often a comorbidity of autism. It can cause mental fatigue and chronic pain, among other symptoms. Don’t suffer in silence, but find ways to accommodate yourself and make life easier. Medication and surgery aren’t always the answers, although they can help. Awareness and lifestyle adjustments can make a big difference too. Talk to your physician, physiotherapist, occupational therapist, and fellow patients to find what works for you.

[drdemonprince]

What are your thoughts on tiktok / social media pathologizing extremely common human behaviors as autistic behaviors? (i.e., every regular interest is a hyperfixation, disliking small talk, introversion is synonymous with autism).

I'm all for self-diagnosis/self-realization, but the tiktoks that get circulated the most are the most generic, watered-down "definitions" of autism, and some are just complete disinformation. They don't mention the sensory issues, body/spatial issues, trauma from years of social rejection/pain and discomfort not being taken seriously. It feels like people want to claim generic autistic "traits" but at the same time are repulsed by the idea of ever identifying with autistic people (i.e. "you can't headcanon Wednesday Adams as autistic because I relate to her!").

But all this autism lip service hasn't transIated in increased services or support for autistic adults (at least in my area). I've still had to explain my autistic behaviors to therapists because they don't know.

Is there a path forward in all this towards true autism acceptance? Am I missing something, and these are the fledgling first steps in autistic and disabled liberation?? I want to be hopeful, but tiktok just makes me cynical 😩

Yeah, it worries me, largely because of the shoddy logic of "many Autistic people do X" being interpreted as "X is an Autistic Thing!" when really all human behaviors are multiply determined by a variety of variables, including in Autistic people. It also betrays a complete misunderstanding of what diagnostic categories are for -- insurance billing purposes and summaries of what traits tend to cluster together -- casting them as a causative explanation rather than merely an attempt at description (that is often quite flawed).

I also hate this phenomenon and a lot of the discourse surrounding it because I am one of the few Autistic self-advocates to argue that yes, neuro-conforming people actually are correct when they say "everybody is a little Autistic". They might say things like that and blur the lines between disabled and non disabled for the purpose of defending their own worldviews and not having to take ableism seriously, but they are right -- every trait that is described as an Autistic trait, or an ADHDer trait, or whatever does exist within the neuroconforming population, and all these traits exist on continuums and ableist norms of behavior, thought, and feeling actually do harm and pathologize everyone to varying amounts.

So in short i wish that instead of going "oh I experience xyz unpleasant experience, and that's an ADHDer thing, ergo I must be an ADHDer and need to be treated for it!" (or any other category) people would be capable of saying "Oh, it really sucks for ADHDers to be subjected to this experience, and I know how that experience feels too, so we should all fight together to change it!"

I firmly believe that anyone can align themselves with the neurodiversity movement and identify as belonging within our community, because neurotypicality is not real, it's a false standard of behavior nobody can wholly live up to, so in that sense a ton of people self realizing as disabled is totally fine by me. The problem is, people seem to all be self pathologizing instead of realizing they are in a very large and broad marginalized coalition that needs systemic justice.

[nitazenes]

even if things “aren’t as they seem”

they should be treated with the same level of seriousness

and how is he supposed to be the one to judge when he doesn’t want to get to know how your system functions?

when we told our therapist we have DID the first thing she’s done was get to learn about us and how we function

how can he help when he’s so disinterested? it’s so strange and honestly a bit creepy

well like (tw ramcoa and programming mentions below, also brief animal death mention)

you in no way have to read everything ive said below bc i really went on a rant here but tl;dr you're totally right. Even if it was something else, it still clearly effects me and i need treatment for it. Honestly youre not the first one to call him a creep --- rant starts here --- Not to expose too much but I have spoken to a fellow RAMCOA survivor and i dont really know anything re: programming and the point of it or how it even works

But i sat down and verbatim, almost word for word recited two different things that had happened to us that were *textbook* RAMCOA. The fact I parroted what happened to me without even knowing programming terms and definitions just, takes away all skepticism i have. And the fact that a survivor and I experienced ALMOST the exact same programming, literally just going back and forth about what happened. There's no fucking WAY i just made that up.

I avoid reading stuff about programming bc my own targets therapeutic language, if I start reading about it, very quickly we begin to spin, get motion sick, scatter, or rapid switch.

And true. even if it wasnt what it seemed (which it def was RAMCOA) but lets just say its not what it seemed, it still seems very real to me, and effects me severely. That means it's still a problem that should be addressed the same way you would address any RAMCOA survivor.

The fact he wont listen means he's not going to catch on if i start recycling or having a coded trigger be set off. I even had a programmed response to him once already where a program triggered from some hand gesture he made and I was completely out-- but it had me on my knees in front of my therapist trying to get his belt off. Thankfully in that situation he actually responded appropriately and backed up, helped me up and walked me back to my chair and said "You dont have to do that for me to help you" thats the ONE TIME ive gotten the care I want out of him. that was 8 years ago. i have displayed my programming directly in his face. Many times at this point. and at the time i didnt even know why i did that and i was so ashamed and embarrassed and crying and he was just like. "it's ok"

he shows no interest in learning who my alters are, what they do, what jobs they perform, my system map (very complex and layered with different subsystems) this dude has to know i am programmed like i said in some post somewhere, i killed a rattle snake BY MYSELF at 8 years old bc it was threatening our chickens, in fact i was so confident that i didnt even have snake boots on (boots that snake bites cannot penetrate) we lived in rattle snake central and yet as an 8 year old i drove a shovel into that snake and killed it.

i dont think people realize how young that is to be killing an animal, for ANY reason. had my parents any care for me, they would have made sure I had my boots on, and they would have monitored me while in the backyard, i killed the snake and had to go get my dad on the other side of the house that a snake was going after the chickens but i dealt with it and the most he said was "good job, wear your boots next time"

like ik rn im trauma dumping on this post but even if things weren't what they seemed, why do i have a scar with two dots visible from having a stun gun jammed into my ribs as a kid, That scar didnt come from nowhere. I might not have known what it was but i took my own stun gun (it was similar to the one id been attacked with) and the prongs line up exactly with the dots. At this point, esp given that i remembered the institution i went to, i just want someone to wholly believe me.

If i said one day

"it was all a lie. i made it up. im not mentally ill, ive just lived the life of someone with a disorder i dont have"

my family would take that as gospel. they would much rather believe that i lied my whole fucking life, than me calling out the fact that I was surrounded by evangelicals and fundamentalist christians most of my childhood who were weird and malicious towards me.

i finally opened up to my therapist about my fear of surveillance last week, that these days, anytime youre outside youre on some camera. and im afraid of audio bugs. So much that i carry a device that causes horrid feedback to whoever is listening on the other end of a radio, its like a signal jammer. he goes "What makes you think youre so unique that the government or whomever is watching you"

and i finally just shut off and said "i cant tell you" its more damaging for me to go into these therapy sessions feeling like i need to convince my therapist that this was real.

He may have shown interest in my system rediscovery for about the first year i saw him. after that he doesnt even ask how my alters are doing, always expects it to be me (Rey) at the front at all times and he doesnt even know how my system functions, i dont even think he knows theres a hierarchy in my system-- so how can he help me if he doesnt care or know what i am truly dealing with.

His mind is still in the 70's when MPD was a thing.

I can't even talk to him about my sexuality or gender

ive never had someone to talk to about how I feel gender-wise (i used to identify as male, but now identify as Agender bc really, i dont fit in with most binary terms) he calls me she/her and i can forgive an old man for not using they/them/xe/xem pronouns for us but like. I also used to define myself as asexual but realized im more bi/pan than i thought and im not repulsed anymore. Mostly. but the most he said was "how does it feel to admit youre not asexual" i explained how it was new to me. that was the end of the subject.

What about the fact that i have cis, trans, and intersex alters all over the board? how do i help them with their dysphoria? I dunno!!

my aunt has been paying out of pocket for the past 8 years for his treatment where i feel like after 3 years, he'd gotten tired of me. Lost interest. most of his clients are older than me and they seem to have great relationships with him. I guess old people just get along with fellow old people.

[mstudi0s]

📩 - Boundaries

a written essay

What are boundaries?

📩 - Boundary :

anything that marks a border. It's a real or imagined line that marks the edge or limit of something or the limit of a subject, principle, or relationship.

📩 - Discussing Boundaries :

This is what the dictionary defines as a boundary. Not only are boundaries used to mark off territory, such as the lines between states and the edges and borders of cities or towns, but they can also be used to represent limits and restrictions within relationships.

We often hear the word boundary used amongst connections with people. Whether this be family, friendships, lovers, or other. Being able to understand how to use boundaries is a great way to keep people at a distance to protect yourself. Not only is it good for that, but it's a good source of self-discovery and understanding where your limits lie and what you're comfortable with or not comfortable with.

In today's essay, I'm going to discuss just a few things that I've learned when it comes to boundaries and my understanding of this topic. I'll be discussing things such as how to have boundaries, what it's like dealing with people who don't respect your boundaries and the misunderstanding and generational trauma that people before us having lacked boundaries caused.

‼️ Disclaimer: Anything I write here is based on my research and experience. I am not claiming to be the all-knowing person of how to live your life or a professional therapist. These are just a few things I've learned along the way, and I'm compiling into one post. ‼️

📩 - Topics :

People Who Push Your Boundaries

Generational Truama From Parents Who Had No Boundaries

My Struggles With Putting Up Boundaries

How To Have Boundaries

📩 - Part 1 :

People Who Push Your Boundaries

I've noticed that we live in a society where people think that they can cut corners or push you to your limits. I'm sure most of us have had experience with the parent who always asks us what we're doing on our phone and who we're talking to? As well as a past lover who felt it was okay to treat our body as if it were their property.

This is never a pleasant experience and is part of the contribution to why boundaries are such a controversial topic for some reason. Many folks who act in this behavior have either never been taught boundaries themselves or they see boundaries as something to take lightly instead of seriously. Sometimes, this is a combination of both.

Unfortunately, there are so many people that are like this, and as much as we can sympathize and empathize for the way that they are acting it does not change the fact that they are still causing harm. By continuously showing time and time again through their actions that they don't plan to change and you forgiving them each and every time is only hurting you and it's encouraging the cycle to continue.

📩 - Part 2 :

Generational Truama From Parents Who Had No Boundaries

For some people, this was a common phrase you heard growing up, "You're my child. You don't get to hide things from me." or "You're mot allowed to have privacy." I know that this is definitely something I heard often.

What I have come to understand in why parents do this is mostly because of how they were raised by their own parents. You see, our parents come from a generation where being emotional was considered "weak," and if you had any mental deficiencies, they were just brushed off and seen as excuses. It was a time of how dare you talk back to your parents, and children were meant to be seen, not heard.

All these things combined have bred a generation of parents that don't understand boundaries or how to use them because they never were able to themselves. This has led to a lot of generational trauma and displacement that many of the new generationa are trying to heal. I believe some parents feel that since they never had privacy or boundaries why should their kids have any, and their way of fighting back is to control and displace their trauma onto us and others.

📩 - Part 3 :

My Struggles With Putting Up Boundaries

Boundaries were definitely always a struggle for me, especially given the fact I dealt with parents similar to the ones I've discussed in my previous part. Never being allowed to say no had turned me into a chronic people pleaser. Where I became so desperate to want to be liked by everyone that I would put myself in situations that were at the expense of me in order to fit in or feel like I was loved and wanted.

I remember often just not standing up for myself or even asking for my needs because I felt like such a burden and that the way I felt was not important. I thought everyone else was allowed to have wants and needs and say no, but me.

It took me some time to finally get over that, and even to this day, I am still learning how to.

📩 - Part 4 :

How To Have Boundaries

I want to start this off by clarifying that having boundaries takes time. This process is a marathon, not a race. Especially if you were someone who was never allowed to have boundaries for so long. I don't want you to leave this thread being hard on yourself and beating yourself up because you feel incapable of standing up for yourself in the ways you imagined. Everything that I just discussed in this entire post was something that took me time to understand and learn.

A good way to start off by having boundaries is by learning how to say no, and this can look like not going out that night or even just telling a friend you don't like xyz. This is the foundation for building up your confidence to then have other boundaries and how to actually be firm in them. Another thing to remember is no is a complete sentence. You don't need or have to explain yourself.

Another way to have boundaries is to get clear on yourself. On the things that make you feel safe and what doesn't. Learning yourself will allow you to teach others how to learn you too and how to adhere to your needs and wants. Make a list of all the things that you are ok with and what you aren't and then with either friends, family, or even a lover; discuss to them these things and make it very clear to them all the things that you comfortable with and what you aren't.

One other thing is don't allow people to just endlessly disrespect your boundaries. Make sure that there are consequences to their actions. Whether that be, you no longer want them in your life or you revoke access to certain parts of you with them. This can look, however you see fit, but make sure that there is a consequence. This is because doing so and following through with what you say will teach and cement to those around you that you are not playing and you mean business.

📩 - And with that being said. Thank you so much for reading through this full thread. If you did, let me know in either a note or comment what other long threads you'd want me to do next. Thank you for all the support and have a blessed day bbys.

The End

[trans-androgyne]

It’s wild because gaining the language & community from the transandrophobia discussion has been monumentally impactful to me. I have a better understanding of my life experiences & the systemic transphobia I encounter daily — including how it shouldn’t be compared to transfeminine folks’ oppression. Before all this I would absolutely dismiss my own experiences because “trans women & transfemmes have it worse.” Or at least feel the need to preface talking about my oppression with de-centering myself (about the transphobia in my own life. that I personally experience.) bc I felt like trans mascs’ voices about transphobia were not as important to hear. This recognition has led me to actually advocate for & engage with the transmasc community more!

But at the same time the response to it has actually taken a massive toll on my mental health. Seeing my fellow trans people treat transmascs who speak up about their oppression in this way is kind of heartbreaking. Like, y’all are really inventing slurs for us? Seriously? My transfem therapist did not like hearing abt that one lol. I knew transmascs talking abt transphobia were gonna get hate from miscellaneous transphobes but this one hurts. I hope this at least takes a similar course to the aphobia that ran its course in popularity around here, as an acespec person all too familiar with that era.

We’re not annoying for talking about our oppression. We’re not wrong about our own experiences and we do deserve a word for them. And we’re not going to stop talking about it. We’re forming communities and we’re going to love & support each other through it. For me honestly kind of out of spite! I love you trans men I love you trans mascs I love you trans people <333

[gay-kurapika]

God I just had the most infuriating dream of all time and I honestly think it was incredibly indicative of how I feel other people have treated me in regards to my sexual trauma and ptsd that resulted from it. The ptsd that literally didn't get diagnosed until this fucking year despite the events happening 10 years ago because I literally couldn't talk about what happened unless I was drunk because I kept repressing it, pretending it didn't happen the way I remember it happening, or finding ways to think of it as my own fault, despite the fact that there is no logical way this was my fault.

In the dream, I was in college, in a creative writing class. Instead of being where I was at emotionally in college, denial, I was where im at now, out of denial but still uncomfortable talking about what happened. And in this class there was this rich boy whose family had sway with the school, so for some reason he got to plan the lesson on the first day and subsequently the first project, which involved writing a story based on your emotional reaction after playing a "game" in which you relived something painful (like you could physically see the memory replaying) in front of the class, so everyone else saw it too. What played for him was like him feeling rejected by his parents for not being artsy instead of a business major. What played for me was really obvious. And the class was like lauding him as a tortured genius, the teacher was sucking up to him, and I was fucking pissed because I had just had to relive my sexual trauma for a fucking school project and yet my story wasn't good enough, wasn't acknowledged, wasn't moving enough? Was too "unclear"? Because it wasn't obvious and artistic, it just fucking sucked? Like I'm so sorry my trauma wasn't interesting enough for you! So in the dream I got into this huge argument with him about the "game" and how he was a misogynist. I didn't hold back, I said everything I hated about him. And when I turned in my writing project, I learned all of our projects were being submitted into some kind of national contest, and mine won. The kicker was that in the dream, he was pissed about not winning. He was supposed to win, entitled to the win by the school for being rich and making up the project. So the teacher said before the paper was published i had to include a reference to this boy that basically thanked him and made him seem really great. Not as a forward, which I suggested, but within the actual body of the text that was literally about my own emotions regarding my trauma. I was supposed to make him the hero of that somehow. Of course because this is a dream he was slowly morphing into the person who sexually assaulted me in the first place, so this was them asking me to write the man who assaulted me into the hero of my own story. I woke up while I was arguing with the dean about this in a room that had his father, the dean, him, and the male teacher, and when I was pointing out that I couldn't thank him in the body of the text without the story no longer being about my trauma I heard his dad scoff behind me about the word "trauma" and I woke up because I was literally so pissed off I couldn't stay asleep. But like, this is a bizarrely accurate way of how I feel people have treated my trauma since I've begun to acknowledge it. It fucked up my fucking life, but no one takes it seriously. My therapist wasn't even letting me talk about it, she was teaching me techniques to not think about it, which is what I've done for the last 10 fucking years, and I don't want to shut up about it anymore!!! And when I told my mom I couldn't tell her the full truth about who did it because I knew she wouldn't believe me or take it seriously, despite the fact that I was so messed up from this mentally that it took 7 years before I slept with anyone ever again because I had a fear reaction to anything more than a peck on the lips, and still fucking do. How is that not real enough? It had real fucking consequences! God I hate dreams how the fuck am I supposed to get back to sleep now I'm fucking pissed.

[d0llyxtears]

I’m seriously thinking of offing myself….I’m just so done with this …. There is no help or hope for me so why not just do it right ??

I mean Having complete untreated adhd with under treated major depression, generalized anxiety disorder and complex ptsd …. Is so fucking tiring !!

I’ve been in therapy since I was 11 and NOT ONE THERAPITS IVE EVER COME IN CONTACT WITH HAS EVER TAKEN ME SERIOUSLY!! I’ve always been brushed off , dismissed and even abused by them !! I’ve been on every anti depressant there is NO CHANGE, NO SLIVER OF HAPPINESS!!

It’s just the same thing over and over “ your doing it for attention “ “ your faking it “ “ I don’t think you have X disorder “ “ let’s bump up your meds “( that obviously doesn’t work because I’ve been on them for years with no change )

Oh and All my symptoms/traits overlap and contradict each other!!

gets help for adhd , starts having daily panic attacks and flashbacks rendering me unable to function properly, stops getting help for my adhd , still unable to function because my adhd is so bad and none of the meds I’m on work for me !! I swear I’m to fucking exhausted!!

This world wasn’t made for me I’m seriously think of just offing myself because I’m so tired of everything.. I’ve been chronically overwhelmed and stressed since I was like 13 …

I’m so tired of therapist not taking me seriously, I’m so tired of taking medication, I’m so tired of being scared of being forcefully admitted to a psych ward again , I’m so tired of looking up my own disorders trying to help myself, I’m so tired of being ignored by people,I’m so tired of self medicating myself with alcohol and my anxiety meds , I’m so tired of self harming , I’m so tired of breaking down and crying on the floor, I’m so tired of the thoughts and the fucking weight of my stress and fear , I’m so tired of feeling like I don’t belong here, I’m so fucking tired

I’m not gonna live much longer …. I don’t understand why I keep going, why I keep prolonging my pain …. Maybe I should try again…. Maybe this time it’ll fucking work ….

I really should’ve died when I took those pills at 15 !!!